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#But it's not safe to be myself anywhere
banannabethchase · 1 year
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I've been panic crocheting all day to the point where I got so frustrated I almost cried, as the existential dread of being an American today is so aggressive I keep almost having panic attacks (scared for the lives of my students, my nieces, myself, you know the drill) SO HOW ARE Y'ALL DOING? YOU OKAY? YOU TRY THE SALAD? I THOUGHT THE SALAD WAS GREAT HAHAAHHAHAHAHAHSHRUDGHUIOF *crochets another scrunchie*
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jvnart · 5 months
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One small clip of spice🔞 beneath the cut, clothes on top side for our holy site lol
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Uncropped on patreon
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menlikeair · 2 months
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NEW YORK AINT THE SAME WITHOUT YOU. [aidan shaw x fem!afab!reader]
mdni. smut. mentions of alcohol, mentions of cheating. intoxication. language. age-gap. oral m receiving. angst! unprotected sex, aidan is kind of an asshole, be warned.
words: 3.3k
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new york city drummed on balmy summer nights and the heat only amplified its pulse. people from all walks of life were carving out their own spaces in a city that never slept.
except for you, alone in your apartment. left to your own devices with nothing but the hum of sparse traffic outside and the patter of rain against your window. it poured heavily and bounced from the pavement, adding a rhythmic backdrop to the humid summer night.
the city seemed to mock your solitude with the straight downpour.
on the other side of chelsea, in stark contrast to your state, aidan stepped out of the club into a relentless sheet of rain, his mind a whirlwind. neon lights reflected off the wet pavement, casting a glow around him.
betrayal still stung, and in true aidan shaw fashion, rain or shine, baby, he had once told you. he kept his promises.
the street bloomed white under two jittered flashes of lightning.
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“juliet, give me my sin again!” he shouted, his voice cracked and carried a lazy slur. if you hadn’t known this tone so well, you’d almost mistake it for a teenager shittily spewing out shakespeare in hopes of getting some while his little juliet’s parents weren’t home.
you stepped from the bed and to the window to confirm what you already knew. it only took a small squint through the flowy curtains. it would almost be romantic if he wasn’t sopping wet and pathetic with a cocky shit-eating grin plastered across his handsome face as he caught a glimpse of you peering down at him.
you paced down each step before slinging the walk-up apartment’s heavy oak door open.
he leaned forward with both hands against the stairs gate, trying to keep his balance as the water soaked through his clothes and he laughed deeply to himself.
“really cute, but in case you didn’t notice, people live here, romeo.” you hissed and reached down to pull him up the stairs by the collar of his shirt.
aidan trudged up the narrow staircase closely behind you as you stomped. each step creaked under his weight.
“that was stupid, wasn’t even funny,” you mumble and glance at him from over your shoulder as your hands fumble with the keys in the lock.
“i come by it honestly.” he placed his hand over his heart and grinned mockingly.
the air inside your place was thick with the scent of fresh paint and sawdust. remnants of ongoing renovations.
he stumbled slightly, catching himself on the doorframe as he craned his neck to look around you. he surveyed the construction disaster of your so-called ‘living room.’
“well, look at you, little miss la-dee-da.” he pressed past you through the entrance.
“you’re dripping all over my rug,” you muttered from behind him.
“am i?” he sneered back at you.
his gaze flickered to the half-finished bookshelf in the corner.
“i’m quite the handyman, sugar.” he declared as he stripped himself of his jacket and tossed it onto a loveseat sitting awkwardly in the middle of the room.
“could’ve done this for you in a day if you kept me around long enough…” his finger glided over the drywall dust that had collected on a stack of books against the wall before turning to walk closer to you.
“so. what’s new, pussy-cat?”
the tone in his voice seemed to imply he was toying with you. the response was caught in your throat like an air bubble with no escape way.
you studied him quickly, almost obsessively. everything about him was different. they say hair holds memory, and for your own sake, you hoped that had been true. aidan had rid himself of his lengthy cupid curls, and as his broadly toned abdomen pressed against his clinging white dress shirt, you guessed a gym membership was included in the deal.
“what are you doing here, aidan?” you tiredly muttered, trying to hide any expression of shame that dared to ghost across your expression.
“thought i’d see what you were up to, troublemaker.” he grinned deviously, raising his eyebrows as he swayed a bit. he slowly turned on his heels to continue his track around your disastrous living room.
“man, the tunnel! great little place, you been?” he leaned down to pick and prod around at all of the misplaced trinkets on your coffee table. a dull thump of an overplayed club hit rang through his ears, and a few too many straight whiskeys clung to him.
you glanced at him and your mouth fell into a slightly o-shape in a lousy attempt to force the words out of your throat.
the audacity.
you rolled your eyes, “yeah, the tunnel. heard of it.” you mocked back sarcastically.
he hummed in response before letting a short huff of breath out. he turned to face you once again.
“anyway,” he raised his eyebrows and stepped close. too close for comfort. his broad frame towering over you made your heart thump harder and your mouth go dry.
“i think you got some explainin’ to do, little lady.” he expressively pouted his bottom lip.
“you look…different…” you squeaked embarrassingly in response and cleared your throat to divert the attention away from yourself.
“i thought you’d like it.. look like one of those limp-dick wall-street boys you’ve been runnin’ around with lately..” he grinned as his hands wrapped around the small of your waist to manually pull your body closer to his, leaving a suffocatingly insufficient amount of space between the two of you.
his words took you by surprise. on very rare occasions had you heard the man speak with hostility, it just wasn’t his thing, so you wondered why the words left his lips so naturally and smoothly.
“you’re very drunk..” your hands landed on his wide shoulders as you arched your back in a lousy attempt to create any amount of extra space with the man who effortlessly towered over you.
“no, ma, i ain’t.” his deep voice mocked an exaggerated southern drawl as his body leaned closer to dispel the newly added space.
you huffed, exasperated. a strap from your ivory nightdress slipped down your shoulder. you brought a hand up and pinched the bridge of your nose in frustration and took a step away from his grasp.
images of a night months ago flashed through your mind. you remembered the dull headache that pounded between your eyes as sunlight poured through your apartment's cracked window. slamming doors and jumping up to run to the window, hoarsely yelling out for aidan, to tell him it wasn’t what it looked like.
but it was exactly what it looked like.
some lousy bartender with a pierced eyebrow sprawled across your bed right beside you in his underwear, there was no way to explain.
so, you didn’t.
you took your last look at aidan as he quickly hurried away from your apartment for the last time. until now. no email with an explanation or apology. no phone calls, no letters. and, at last, he was here for his closure.
he stepped away and leaned back against his palms on the island bar that separated your tiny living room and kitchen. an unfamiliarly smug smirk painted across his defined face. you caught a glimpse of his ribcage snugly pressed against the damp white fabric of his dress shirt, the newly toned muscle between each column of bone made your breath hitch. rainwater trickled from his brow onto the linoleum below his feet.
“aidan, i’m sorry,” you muttered apologetically. your expression softened as you searched for the words to explain, “i was very drunk and my friends.. they wouldn’t stop pressuring me.” your teeth sunk into your bottom lip as you continued.
“always in my ear about me losing my youth dating someone older, and—”
the shame flashed across your face sent a fresh wave of irritation through him. a deep hum from aidan stopped you and you watched as he tilted his head to the side to examine you. his hard expression didn’t change and your blood went cold as you realized that soft spot in his heart for you had long since turned rock-solid.
he adjusted his hips as his thick length twitched impatiently against his left thigh.
“you left me hangin’, baby, high and dry..”
he sucked his left cheek between his teeth and tsked, glancing down at his feet and he leaned back further against his palms, stretching his toned body.
you threw your hands up with a shrug of your shoulders in defeat “i’m sorry, i don’t know what else to say…”
aidan took one hand he was leaning against and completely grasped around your wrist to pull you a step closer.
“come here. what are you standing so far for?” he relaxed, looking down at you as he examined the surprised micro-expressions lighting your face up. the feeling of your wrist in his hand made his already-drunk thoughts spin. his jaw went slack as his body pressed into you with ease.
“you can’t just do this.” you hoarsely stammered, the pressure around your wrist applying as he pulled you closer.
“do what?” the man grinned against you teasingly. he turned his body and boxed you into the counter, bracketing you against the faux marble.
aidan's broad six-foot-five frame completely engulfed you. his hand released your wrist before snaking around your hips to pull you into his torso.
“busting in like you own the place and—” you sunk your teeth into your bottom lip and pressed into him closer, motioning over his body with your eyes
“this.”
you nervously toyed with the neckline of his shirt, slipping your fingers underneath to slide against his collarbone.
aidan’s breath hitched as your fingers traced against him. his eyes darkened, and he leaned in closer. the heat between you was palpable, and every inch of your body was hyper-aware of his proximity.
he ducked his head down and hunched over you, slowly pressing a kiss against your mouth and using his tongue to push through your lips like an intruder. you melted into him. thoughtlessly, like second nature.
and for a sudden, hopeless moment, you missed him. you missed his weight against you. his lips on yours just like this, slacking your jaw to allow his hot tongue to slip against yours as his hungry hands palmed your ass through a thin and nearly iridescent night dress.
you felt his thickness twitch against you, behind the constricting material of his tightening dress pants.
you were drunk on the way he smelled.
it was overtly masculine, everything about him was and always had been. heavy, earthy, and warm, the tinge of whiskey lingered on his lips and the scent of oak on his skin long after he’d left his workshop.
he pulled away to step forward, guide you into the living room, and sit in the heavy oak chair he’d designed with his own hands, sprawled back cockily. it creaked beneath his weight.
go on, baby.
you didn’t know whether it was his husky voice that had commanded you or your subconscious guiding you to pay your karma, but you obliged.
watching him loosen his belt, you lowered yourself to your knees and scooted forward.
“pretty girl,” he muttered to himself and tsked his tongue against his teeth in thought.
“you hurt me, you know that?” he felt better when he wasn’t made of steel with you.
his head tilted to the side to examine your flushed face and you instinctively pulled him out of his boxers. you craned your neck forward to trail a lick up the underside of his cock. his familiarity and warmth made heat coil low in your belly, pooling wet and anxious between your legs. he held you off, just enough so that he could watch you struggle forward trying to take him into your mouth fully.
he twitched against your tongue, huffing out a sharp breath. the uneven hitch of his breath urged you to continue and you take him into your mouth further. your throat constricted wildly, and he hissed through his teeth.
the two of you belonged to each other once again, the salvia pooling in your mouth, running down his length as your mouth and lips did the apologizing that your words couldn’t, belonged to him. his hand at the back of your head which felt like security, raising his hips to fuck up into your mouth. his groans belonged to you, just as they always had.
you whimpered softly as he tugged your hair to pull you from his flushed cock. a line of spit hung off your bottom lip, sticking to your chin. you wiped away tears from your clumped eyelashes with the back of your hand and sunk your teeth into your plump bottom lip eagerly. the need to please him was sudden and violent. his strong hand caught in the soft tangle of your hair.
his face was stricken with an expression you couldn’t quite grasp. with his nostrils flared and jaw clenched, you could recognize anger. but his softened gaze and furrowed eyebrows felt like sincerity, guilt. he couldn’t tell if he wanted to fuck a lousy apology out of you or send you to bed and leave as if nothing had ever happened in his drunken haze.
he used his large hand to wrap around his shaft and drag his slick tip against your open lips before pulling you down onto him once again.
your apology was warm around him, pressing up against the back of your throat.
it hurt in the way it was supposed to hurt — your guilt scorching away inside you.
he forced you down, filling your mouth with his cock, tears clouded your vision. your whimpers were garbled, broken things around his cock.
he’d been the one to teach you how to take it without a fuss, maybe he didn’t hear you over the resounding crashes of thunder and your window rattling on his hinges. couldn’t see the tears welling when you fluttered your eyes open up to him as he tilted his head back against the chair in a guilt-stricken haze of pleasure.
his gaze fell onto you, and his strong hand released the grasp on your hair.
“come here.” the man muttered, motioning you up with his head.
your fingers hooked at the straps of the flowing night-dressed and it fell to pool around your ankles. you stepped out of it, slipped onto his lap to straddle him, and closed your eyes as you sunk onto him with ease. he didn’t give you time to adjust to him before he rocked his hips to fill you completely.
a sharp hiss of an inhale left through your teeth as his tip reached far deeper than you had been used to in your time apart.
he leaned forward and groaned against your warm skin as his hips guided themselves upwards, he closed his eyes. his hands grasp around your waist to steady you and hold you in place as your legs shook in response. his head dipped down and his lips and tongue sloppily grazed your nipple.
“ ‘m sorry. ” your words left your lips like a soft cry as his cock reached deeply inside you, making your head fall backward, torso and breasts arching further against his mouth.
“you’re always doin’ shit you need to be sorry for.” he grunted into your skin and pulled you from his cock with both hands on the sides of your waist. he angled himself back and slowly rocked into you with a moan.
“gotta have the patience of a fuckin’ saint with you.” his jaw clenched as his thrusts went harder, deeper than you could handle.
you whined, an attempt to writhe away from him, but it was no use. you were his, and his strong hands around you made it impossible to lift yourself from him. your fingers dug into his wide shoulders over the translucent material of his damp shirt.
“it’s too much, it’s—” you took a ragged gasp as he pressed deep inside, screwing your eyes tightly shut.
he leaned closer as your body cautiously moved up and down.
any expression of guilt or shame had long been replaced by something else. anger, hunger, and he wanted you to feel it.
“it hurts, baby? does it?” he tilted his head with his slack jaw, a ghost of a smirk tugged the corner of his lip while watching you nod weakly through half-lidded eyes.
his free hand reached between you to draw slow circles against your swollen clit with the pad of his thumb.
“how bad does it hurt?” he sneered at you. his words were like venom. any ounce of sympathy had long since flown out of the window by now. he hoped it hurt.
at least this is the type of pain you could contort and manipulate into some kind of unsettling pleasure. you should consider yourself lucky.
he pressed further and you arched forward with a gasp, your lips trembled as they tried to form words that were no longer there, letting out a desperate sequence of moans, whimpers, and sobs. you answered his thrusts with weak rolls of your hips, pulsing around him. enveloping him. your body seemed to respond with a will of its own.
you thread your fingers into his hair at the nape of his neck. you leaned forward to kiss him, sloppily and still salty from his pre-cum. your surrender was sweet on his tongue and he trapped it in his mouth, it belonged to him, anyway.
his thumb continued its path against your clit, spelling his name against you slowly, long and drawn out so you wouldn’t forget.
you were close, desperately so, and your hand slipped down to brace yourself against his chest. you pant into his mouth, sinking and drawing him further inside. he buried his face into your neck, and rocked his hips against you. he felt your throat constrict, your breasts heaving against his chest as he lazily worked his name against your clit with the pad of his thumb, over and over.
you kept making those pretty sounds, clasping your fingers into his hair and holding yourself steady on his broad chest. his orgasm convulsed through him as he moaned, a ripping noise from his mouth that ricocheted through his brain and against the thin skin of your neck. he rocked unthinkingly into you, riding out the rolling tremors that racked his body.
aidan swallowed unevenly, his breath escaping his swollen lips in shaky bursts. his thumb left your swollen clitoris. you whined sweetly in response, trying to rock yourself against his toned naval for any kind of friction. the constricting tightness as you wordlessly begged for more made his hips jolt in over-sensitivity. the feeling dizzied him, striking into the sides of his skull.
he braced himself and stands with your legs wrapped around his waist.
he carried you through the hallway effortlessly and laid you onto the unmade bed with ease.
when he pulled out, you whined and writhed in discomfort, the feeling of anxious excitement pooled somewhere deep in the pit of your stomach. you wanted him, his hungry mouth against you, coaxing you to an undeserving climax with his tongue. not tonight.
he dropped his pants around his ankles and stepped out. from his thighs, he pulled the elastic waistband of his boxers back around his hips snugly and tugged the uncomfortably damp shirt over his head.
aidan watched as he leaked from between your legs, coating your inner thighs. he reached between to gather a bit of it. he brought his two middle fingers up to press past your lips and onto your tongue, watching intently through bleary eyes as you suck him clean.
with a soft groan, he laid down to pull you onto your side and flush against him. he wrapped his arms around you, tucking your head under his chin. you leaned forward to press a ghost of a kiss against his neck.
every breath you took sent the thud of your heartbeat thumping through your head.
you could feel the man radiating heat, his eyes fluttered closed tiredly. you listened intently to the rapid thrum of his heart against his chest.
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fallenwhumpee · 22 days
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"An Hour."
• Masterlist •
Warnings: Hospital settings, aftermath of captivity, mentioned death.
Medic, despite what their job would suggest, wasn't a caregiver. They were just a mechanic working on circuits, not who carefully kept the whole mechanism running. They could fix people, but it was that. Someone would have to take over the aftermath.
Much to Medic's relief, Leader was a caregiver. A good one, even.
Too good, they lately noticed. Too good that it was starting to make Medic worried. But just like every other day, Medic knocked the infirmary door in exactly same time, before opening it fully. Youngest was asleep in the hospital bed - Medic had said Leader that it was unnecessary, but Leader  brought one anyway - and at last drops of their IV.
"An hour," Leader muttered. At this point it felt like a ritual. So, without a word, Medic moved and changed Youngest's IV to antibiotics as Leader deserted the room silently. Probably to sleep.
Good, Medic thought. Leader needed it.
Medic made their way to the armchair, only to see Leader's office keys on it. For a moment, they considered giving it back. They respected privacy, but they were also curious. For the last one month and a half, all Leader did was looking for Youngest, caring for Youngest or staying in their office. The first two was understandable, but the third...
Now Medic could learn whatever Leader was doing in their office.
Medic hesitated. They shouldn’t invade Leader’s privacy—Leader had done nothing to earn suspicion, at all. And Leader never broke anyone's boundries, so Medic doing it to them was just wrong. But something had been gnawing at the back of Medic’s mind for weeks now, something beyond the usual worry for Youngest. Leader’s behavior, so single-minded, so intense, felt wrong. So wrong for someone almost obsessed with making the future better. And if there was something in that office that could explain it...
Steeling themselves, Medic turned and walked down the hall to Leader’s office. The key slid into the lock with an ease that almost felt too simple. "Where's Leader?" Medic shouted. Leader's room was wide open and Leader wasn't there.
"Went for a quick walk," Right Hand shouted back.
Medic took a deep breath. "Okay," they muttered. With a simple twist, the door creaked open. Medic slipped inside, shutting it quietly behind them slowly. The room was dim, the only light filtering through the half-drawn blinds, casting long shadows across the walls. At first glance, it looked like any other office—neat, organized, professional. Just like how Leader liked to keep everything. Medic opened the lights.
Notes. Dozens of them, pinned to a board on the wall, scattered across the desk, and even taped to the edges of the bookshelves, almost creating a wallpaper. Most were in Leader’s precise handwriting, detailing locations, names, dates, and other pieces of information that, together, painted a picture out of a detective's office. Medic’s gaze was drawn to a map on the wall, marked with pins and red string connecting various points. They moved closer, recognizing the locations as places where incidents had occurred—break-ins, disappearances, attacks. All related to Youngest.
Their heart pounded as they picked up a file from the desk. It had a picture, the person's face partially obscured, but there was no mistaking who it was. Medic had seen that face around Whumper—one of the underlings of them. The person had been found dead two weeks ago, the cause still under investigation. There were detailed reports about them, autopsies, locations, biographies... informations that Medic doubted Leader had the authority to kno let alone storing.
They set the file down, their hands trembling slightly. Leader had been gathering evidence, but it wasn’t just about finding Youngest. It was about something more.
Another photo on the desk caught their eye. Medic took it, revealing more photos, more notes underneath. Some were crossed out, others highlighted. A list of names—people connected to the kidnapping—each one with a note beside it: confirmed dead, under surveillance, possible lead.
Some of these people were no longer a threat because they were dead. Was it coincidence, or had Leader...?
The sound of footsteps in the hallway snapped Medic out of their thoughts. They hurriedly closed the folder and placed thr picture back on the desk, glancing around to make sure everything was as they’d found it. The door clicked shut just as the office door opened.
Leader stepped inside, looking tired but alert. They froze for a moment, eyes narrowing as they stared in the sight of Medic standing in their office.
“What are you doing here?” Leader’s voice was calm, but there was an edge to it, a warning.
Medic tried to keep their expression neutral, forcing a casual shrug qs if they weren’t digging through the room for the last ten minutes. “You left your keys on the chair. Thought I’d drop them off.”
Leader’s gaze flicked to the keys in Medic’s hand, then back to their face. For a moment, neither of them moved. Then, slowly, Leader crossed the room, taking the keys with a nod.
“Thank you,” they said, their tone polite but distant. “Please wait for my return next time.”
Medic nodded, feeling the tension in the air like a physical weight. They turned to leave, but couldn’t help one last glance at the desk, at the folder now lying innocently on the surface.
Leader didn’t miss the look. “Is there something else?”
“No,” Medic replied quickly, shaking their head. “Just... take care of yourself, okay? You look like you haven’t slept in days.”
Leader’s expression relaxed, a smile so soft and tender taking over. “Don't worry. Byt you should get some rest too.”
How could Medic be suspicious of them when all Leader did was worrying and caring for the team? Shoving the guilt down, they forced a smile and left the office.
-•-
Later that day, Medic was in the break room when the news broke. The television mounted on the wall buzzed with static before the anchor’s voice cut in, somber and urgent.
“We interrupt this program with breaking news. Henchman, a key figure in the recent string of criminal activities linked to the late terrorist Whumper, was found dead earlier this evening. Authorities are investigating, but details remain scarce at this time.”
Medic’s blood ran cold. Henchman—another name on Leader’s list. Dead. Just like the others.
They stood frozen, the room spinning around them. The timeline didn’t add up. Leader couldn’t have done it—they had only left the office for ten minutes, not enough time to cross the city and back. But the coincidences were too many, too pointed.
When Medic next saw Leader, they couldn’t help but study their face, searching for anything. But Leader looked even more drained than the last time, still trying to hold it together desperately. When Medic mentioned the news, Leader’s response was calm, almost indifferent.
“Tragic, but not unexpected,” Leader muttered, shrugging slightly. They weren’t even focused— they looked like they could just collapse and take a twenty four hour nap. “Agency was after them. It was only a matter of time.”
Medic nodded slowly, but the uneasy feeling in their gut only grew. There was something, something that was beyond their understanding. But as Leader walked away, Medic knew one thing for certain— Leader was doing something wrong. It was either their sleeping habits or the team had a huge problem.
-•-
Soo, have another random one. This is standalone, but I wrote this with "A Score to Settle" in my mind. Not quite part two, but I began writing with that intention.
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dawnthefluffyduck · 2 months
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New game interest unlocked
(crow in bottom right belongs to @patchwork-crow-writes)
#ramarl#phantasy star online#long tag warning lol i rambled#so i was introduced to phantasy star online#i think its safe to say i really enjoy the game#thank you mr crow for showing me this game :D i have new creatures to scribble now#there shall be more of these doodles#i promise you that#meant to post this wayyyyy earlier today but uh#my car broke down :') ....again :')#last week it wouldn't turn on and the headlights weren't working so we were like ''ok this is a battery issue and i need a new one''#because jumping the car didnt fix it#so we took my old battery to a shop and they tested its charge before showing us which new one we should get#but the battery had charge???????? so we went back home to troubleshoot#and then found the hooks(?idk what they're called) that connected the battery to the car had something corroded on them#so we grabbed a can of coke and scrubbed away#hooked the battery back up and bam car was working#so the issue was those hooks#until two days ago when my car didnt work again#looked at the battery again and the hooks came loose; tightened them up and bam car working again#and now at this point I'm scared to go anywhere cause what if i get stranded on my own??#so this morning i said ''alright I'm gonna drive myself to church just to be sure that my car works''#AND WOULD YOU GUESS WHAT HAPPENED#at this point i just wish the damn battery was dead and that i could replace it and move on from this#i know they're a bit pricey but jesus this is exhausting#but i can't just buy a new battery if im not sure that's the actual problem because then I'd have a battery and nothing to do with it#i hate having a car sometimes i just want a bus system#or a jeep#but preferably a bus system#sorry rambles thats a long way of saying i didnt post this earlier because ive been working on my car lol
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thehealingsystem · 3 months
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holy shit I'm just gonna cry. I hate this I hate this. I can't fucking breathe for once in my life. my mom berates me calling my attraction a sin, says god condemns us after I lose the most important person in my life, have to hide my relationships and hide my grief after they fail, get sexually harassed by boys looking to get with me solely because I'm a lesbian, get bullied and later stalked, and then be constantly yelled at on the internet by people for YEARS because I dare to be both a boy and a girl. I've never been treated more like shit for being lesbian than I have anything else and if I even dare defend myself I'm treated as violent and aggressive. called fucking slurs. and it's not even like it's because I'm more confrontational, even when I just ignored people I would still get yelled at and told to kill myself just the same. god I hate you people so much. you are all so deeply lesbophobic
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iris-kinnie · 8 days
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Ugh. I had a really bad day.
#chat sesh with iris#vent in the tags#had to get a super personal reminder of someone who I used to know who left me YEARS AGO but it still upsets me to hear her name and I#literally saw HER MOM who proceeded to talk a bunch about what she’s been doing#tw suicide mention#tw suicidal ideation#in the tags lol#so warning that it’s in the next tag#like I think about killing myself whenever I have a passing thought about her so this was too much#I’m not going to do it I’m physically safe 👍👍👍 but like#even despite all of the shitty things that happened I was still having a pretty good week because like. people have been really nice to me.#and I’ve been having a little fun#but this is way too far to excuse like practically no matter what else happened or happens 😭😭😭#like hearing how much better her life is than mine#I literally had to physically leave the situation#like she had finally after YEARS(!!!) gotten mostly off of my mind#but not anymore#the heaviest sigh ever#anyway I would apologize for venting but like this is my blog 👍👍👍#I don’t really have anywhere else to talk about it#like even the people who I consider my best friends did not care or respond or ask questions when I mentioned that I was having like a-#breakdown in public#other than one#shoutouts#and I’m probably going to sleep really soon so maybe I’ll wake up and think this is too personal and delete it#like if I’m only posting because of how tired I was#or who knows maybe my thoughts will keep me awake for hours#I still have nightmares about her#BLUE AND DAWN AND HOP AND ARVEN AND GREEN SAVE ME!!!!!
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tamagotchikgs · 1 month
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i feel terrible
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einaudis · 1 month
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zombiepatch · 2 months
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watching vids of people showing their commonplace journals / general journals and suddenly being hit with an intense wave of sadness because my life feels so dull and pathetic 😭 it's not even over anything major either it's just like... "i threw in some pics i took w/ my friend on this page" and i go... fuuuuck
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gothoevsky · 4 days
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fellas is it ok to cry over having to take ur pronouns out of ur bio on discord cause u gave it to an irl friend and aren’t out of the closet irl and never ever will be
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l3ominor · 4 months
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varyathevillain · 1 year
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I get that the intention behind "went out with a girl last night" from Miri to Kazuki is about the "no homo", but I genuinely don't see it as such? because, for one, I really like open queer relationships. monogamy, while very popular, isn't the end all be all, comes from current heteronormative traditions, and polygamy is very much queer. also the idea of Rei interrupting Kazuki's date only to get hit on himself, and having to confirm that the only person he ever had any feelings about/attraction to is Kazuki, he's just not always emotionally capable of handling him, tickles me greatly.
and don't tell me they don't get married the moment Japan in their universe legislates queer marriage.
1) Miri, in case of one of them passing, would be able to remain with the now legal parent;
2) tax purposes/inheritance rules;
3)...okay, this should've been 1) - they do love each other. it's just in the timeskip we see them from Miri's POV, where they're her lameass dads making bad jokes and enjoying harmless teasing in front of her.
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serpulalacrymans · 7 months
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I need to learn when to hush up, I think.
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uhode · 6 months
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also i think i’m developing the most embarrassing crush on this man and he’s not even pretty and he has such stupid name he’s the type of person i couldn’t introduce to my friends and look them in the eye ever again
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Also, on a spooky note: From the beginning of the school year, people have been telling me they saw me driving a red car (I don’t drive a red car), and that they’ve seen me in places I haven’t gone to. Today, I overheard people talking about someone’s description, “She was about this tall and…” etc. etc. They told me I lost my tablet, and that it had my name on it. I don’t have a tablet.
Either I have a doppelgänger in the area, or something nonhuman is trying to replace me 🙃
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