#But idk what u ppl r talking abt sometimes like how u ppl r living in america

[kuromi-hoemie]

WHY ARENT YOU IN THE NORTHEAST ME AND MY FRIEND GROUP WOULD ABSORB YOU INTO OUR FAMILY AND MAKE SURE U ALWAYS FELT SEEN FOREVER AND EVER AAAHHHH

i love u 😩 everyone who is so so nicey to me and wants to see me often live so far (⁠〒⁠﹏⁠〒⁠)

there r a few groups here I'm a part of but most of the members live IN the city so i can't make most of the meetups. pls can we meet somewhere w free street parking that doesn't take an hour to drive to even though I'm only 9 miles away...

[astrxealis]

good morning 🥺

[maipareshaan]

Like is Dean woman coded cuz he is expected to take care of his father and brother and is supposed to stay in the family business, no, the brother part a bit, but this seems very man centric to me bcz Sam is supposed to do the same. Like this just seems like an age thing. Like idk what this is being compared to, girls not being sent to school bcz of resources where the family plan is girl takes care of house, gets married, and boy gets educated and makes money and takes care of parents later. Like Sam probs does get to study more bcz Dean is more burdened but he's not supposed to go to college, the plan for him is the plan for Dean.

But like sure there is stuff here. Like you can see it, its relatability for elder daughters is there.

[bloodhailmp3]

Do you ever see white middle class cis people and wonder what their lives are like? I get a ton of these pretty girls and boys at the coffee shop I work at and they all seem so happy and everyone is so pretty and they smell good and they love patagonia and alo? But I can't help but wonder what it's like being a pretty cis white girl that smells like flowers and looks good in pastels

yeah i live in a city full of rich students who've moved from like oxfordshire or cambridgeshire n the like n every time im on the bus n i hear their ridiculous posh accents talking abt their personal drama that just pales into insignificance compared to what the ppl im close w have been thru im just like wow. some ppls lives seem so disconnected from my own n our perception of the world so different i cant rlly begin to imagine what its like to be them (altho ofc these r strangers so i am mayb just making assumptions that arent true but like..... in my experience those pretty southern kids in expensive clothes have usually had a pretty easy life). i also get that w coworkers sometimes just bc their personalities n lives seem so far removed from mine n the things they want n ppl they wanna b around r so different to what i want that i find myself trying to imagine how they think n view the world but i cant completely comprehend it lol. same w ppl i went to school w - theres a lot of girls i used to look up to / be envious of in school bc they were generally well liked n pretty n relatively well off compared to lil ol council estate me. but when i see their lives now n the ppl theyve become or clearly aspire to be im like. wow im so glad im not u. if i dressed like u n had ur friends/boyfriends n had the same aspirations as u i would feel like my life is so flat n boring n aimless. idk its not that i think me or my life is perfect in any way its just scary to me to imagine not being me i spose, even if that came w a bunch of privileges i dont currently have. idk im like rambling / thinkin out loud here

[miumura]

GET TO KNOW ME — 🤍

— tysm for the tag bff @hannikz <3

tagging . . (no pressure; sorry for the tag/if you were tagged already!) : @wonieleles @urszn @son4taa @wonillaa @wonyoungsvirus @ox1-lovesick @yenqa

BIRTHDAY? — october 27 🫶

FAV COLOR? — green!! i love those lighter greens,, they are so pleasing to look at

ANY PETS? — no </3 had a fish but it eventually got flushed down the toilet 😞💔

HEIGHT? — 160 cm 😵 or like 5’3… the short person agenda lives on 🙏

HOW MANY PAIRS OF SHOES DO YOU OWN? — oddly specific question but okay 😇 i say about 5-8 pairs?? idk i get new ones yearly but i always wear these two certain pairs LMFAO

FAV SONG? — sweet by tbz. its too good. (and yk its good when someone me has over 3k plays on it). tbz always puts out bops—just saying .

FAV MOVIE? — over the moon! i find the movie pretty cute ngl,, comfort movie frfr

IDEAL PARTNER? — jay. park jongseong.

DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? — bff how can i have children when i can’t even take care of myself.. plus younger kids kind of #scare me !

HAVE YOU GOTTEN TROUBLE WITH THE LAW? — im a minor who stays in their room like always. i have not 🙏 and whoever says yes to this part,, im concerned bff

WHAT COLOR SOCKS ARE YOU WEARING? — bold to assume im wearing socks. (JP JP) im wearing black socks rn cause im out 😵 rarely wear them indoors unless im at someone else’s house

FAV MUSIC GENRE? — r&b??? idk i rly like anything… anything catchy or sounds good, im adding it to my playlist ..

HOW MANY PILLOWS DO YOU SLEEP WITH? — one pillow for my head 🙏 i js have a plush next to me too 🫶

WHAT POSITION DO YOU SLEEP IN? — on my sides ALWAYS!! sometimes on my stomach tho cause it’s comfortable!!

SMTH U HATE WHEN SLEEPING? — when it’s too cold 😞 i like being warm but not THAT warm if ykyk.

BREAKFAST? — not a breakfast person.. i always feel not hungry/feel like im abt to 😵 if i eat smth.. i should change that tho </3 but whenever i do eat,, i eat like cereal, bread, or anything my mom cooks for me <3

HAVE U TRIED ARCHERY? — do those cheap plastic ones count 😓 (i suck btw)

FAV FRUIT? — cantaloupe HANDS DOWN. like esp those rly rly sweet ones, those r literally the best. runner ups would be strawberries n mangoes <3

ARE U A GOOD LIAR? — i mean…idk?

CURIOUS ABT MBTI? — tried a test multiple times, always got infp 🙏 i say its true too, all the stuff fits me LMFAO

INNIE OR OUTIE? — def prefer to stay indoors, but it doesn’t hurt to go outside once in a while

LEFTY OR RIGHTY? — righty ‼️

FAV FOOD? — sushi 🙏 it’s too good

FAV FOREIGN FOOD? — tteokbokki (is that how u spell it?)

CLEAN OR MESSY? — i prefer being a clean person; i hate being unorganized and messy… but really, it depends on my mood. 

MOST USED PHRASE? — um what?

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE FOR U TO GET READY? — i don’t think it takes me too long? like give me 10-15 mins and im already out the door ..

DO U TALK TO URSELF? — who doesn’t?

DO U SING TO URSELF? — the effects of music

ARE U A GOOD SINGER? — im the ace of saf ofc !!! 😝 (JP. JP.)

BIGGEST FEAR? — what happens after death ..

ARE U A GOSSIP? — whenever there’s smth new,, the first thing im telling the info to is my friends 🙏 who doesn’t love doing that??

DO U LIKE SHORT OR LONG HAIR? — i have beef with short hair now.. like my haircuts in the past screwed me up fr. THEY DID ME DIRTY. so long hair (but not too long).

FAV SCHOOL SUBJECT? — science 🤞

EXTROVERT OR INTROVERT? — definitely an introvert..

WHAT MAKES U NERVOUS? — fear of ppl constantly looking down/making fun of me 😞

WHO WAS UR FIRST REAL CRUSH? — dude some kid from 1st to like 5th grade… like i think i started “liking” him in 2nd but feelings started fading away once we kept moving onto grades ! this other dude would be like “bro ure blushing” and the guy i liked would go “whats blushing?” BRO WAS STUPID,, but my stupid guy back then ig 😓😓😓 younger me was wild

HOW MANY PIERCINGS? — two (one on both ears)

HOW MANY TATTOOS? — none !

HOW FAST CAN U RUN? — i say im pretty decent with my speed 🙏 watch me cough out a lung if i try too hard tho.

WHAT COLOR IS UR HAIR? — dark brown 🙏 natural hair 😇

WHAT COLOR ARE UR EYES? — brown!

WHAT MAKES U ANGRY? — hate it when people refuse to cooperate… like im being nice here and you’re being a straight up asshole. i hate it when i try to make up for smth ppl are like “hm” “yea” and don’t respond .. like js bc i said no the first time doesn’t mean u can be like that .. in conclusion : i get irritated at everything.. sometimes?

DO U LIKE UR NAME? — my name is cool 👍 don’t have issues with it at all

WOULD U WANT A GIRL OR A BOY IF U HAD A CHILD? — probably a girl, i feel like i wouldn’t be able to handle a boy. i wanna js have mother daughter bonding time 🙏

WHAT ARE UR STRENGTHS? — staying calm in situations / being convincing (idk) BRO IDK IM PROBABLY LYING TO MYSELF 😭

WHAT ARE UR WEAKNESSES? — being too nice to others .. like i would try to stick w my current friends and try not to hurt their feelings (prioritize them over me). since my social battery kinda runs out most of the time,, me feeling down is 🤕

WHAT COLOR IS UR BED SPREAD? — currently its like a white sheet with pink, yellow n green patterning (lines)

WHAT COLOR IS UR BEDROOM? — white ! not a big fan of colored walls…plus white goes with everything 🙏

done ! that took…a while.. but 🫶

[teethfl0wer]

I think proship stuff is complicated, because proship stands for anti harrassment against ships, but like, many people do misuse the word and it has become such a Different meaning for so many different people.

Like the original meaning is ship & let ship, not to harrass others just block or DNI, or don't talk abt the ship w said person, but like now people sort of question the meaning and misuse the word and people call ships "proships" now, which isn't correct bc proship means anti harrassment/anti censorship regarding ships, a ship cannot just... Be a proship??? Idk. There's complicated ships like stalker x victim, com ship, and dark ships which r like adult x child...

It's very hard to differentiate the meaning of proship when many people use the word different though. I personally believe it means anti harrassment, as that is what a majority of TUMBLR proship community claims it is, but tiktok proship seems to be the polar opposite and even proshippers on tiktok call ships "proships" which doesn't make sense bc if it doesn't stand for problematic ship why r you calling it a proship...???

I personally think identifying w a "anti harrassment' label is more better than saying proship bc a lot of ppl view proship as a buzz word for pedophilia and " I ship bad things!!! "

Which like... Is also complicated bc like even if someone ships questionable or problematic things, if they are marking warnings, putting it in proper tags, and not interacting with folks who don't enjoy those gross or un tasteful topics, it becomes an issue now when antis actively interact when they see someone shipping smth odd or out of the ordinary, bc anti shippers with claim they want proshippers to DNI but then they themselves will send hate to proshippers for shipping within their own little community..???

Idk I think both sides has its faults and is bad at times. I've seen a lot of anti shippers that are not knowing of the true meaning of proship, and I have seen proshippers posting screenshots of people telling them to harm themselves on anon or sending graphic threats to their straw page messages... And it's like

Both sides are awful I think we should at this point let people live and do what they want, if you ship a weird or controversial or harmful ship, stay in your own space, or don't interact w those who do not want to ship or see it...

But also, what if a proshipper is friends w an anti shipper for YEARS, and ships these things in privacy??? Idk I personally think it's unreasonable to assume someone to not be friends w someon3 for smth they do in private as well, like. If someone has a problematic ship them ship on an ALT account, and aren't showing it or forcing u to see or know of it for your own comfort and safety I think that is better than telling their friend what their into. Why does ur friend need to even know what ur into..??? Idk. Like expecting them to not be friends is stupid too???

Blah blah yada yada proship and anti shippers discourse is stupid I think, just live??? Keep your weird ships to their spaces and for God don't tell ppl to off them selves bc they drew two sisters kissing imo??? That is arguably worse than shipping it bc ur literally harrassing someone and sending death threats which is ILLEGAL lol

I like this ask but yeah I think both sides suck at times and fail to understand stuff sometimes I think it's better to not label yourself only because of drama

And I meant for the friends thing is like if you know the person is incredibly uncomfortable with proshipper stuff then idk I think if the person uncomfortable finds out about they can talk about it and decide if they're friends or not. Depends on how big of a boundarie that is for the person. Still don't know why a proshipper would want to be friends with antis imo

Anyways thanks for the ask/gen

[genesisz]

ive been thinking about religion a lot lately, whether i believe or not, what do i believe in? do i have to believe? do i want to believe? something my brother said to me when i was young was “you need to believe in something” back then i kinda thought that meant in any religion, just pick one, but later on i kinda figured that meant just not to follow what your parents or other people tell you, but that you truly believe it or feel something? im kinda confused abt how people go to church and listen to someone talk and pray, do they feel something? and maybe they dont but it at least works for them. it does not work for me, i dont feel anything, i kinda just listen and pick apart what they are saying and end up mad bc i disagree so i never even get to listen to the entire thing. i also cant take them seriously singing up there, sometimes they go hard fr, i be jammin but other times im like? do they really gotta do all that? but also that must work for them and thats great… just not for me. waking up to do that? no thank u. it just genuinely does not interest me, i dont care for it all. its not for me. its not something i want to do, spend my time on, i dont see the point. i truly dont see the point. out of so many religions, i dont want to continue to learn about christianity/catholicism, i just think theres so much more therefore why stick to one thing? not to say thats necessarily what you are doing when u partake in ur religion but if i were to invest my time into something i rather it be something new, not what i grew up with and not what surrounds me now. do i want to invest my time on a new religion? no, not a priority for me atm, i kinda dont even get it. are we…using this for guidance? following/educating/believing certain sentences to guide your life? i can definitely understand that part and get it, but the parts about God and the idea of worshiping essentially a man seems a bit crazyyyy…. i just cant do it man, which ofc not everyone is taking it that seriously….i think… idk… ive only been around people who r pretending to be serious about and people who are 100% about it, so yea ppl im surrounded by have influenced why idc, but ive tried giving it a shot, i just dont really feel like lying or being hypocritical anymore. i believe theres definitely more out there, and the possibility of Gods, for sure ( i prefer virgin mary if ima believe in anything its gonna be a woman! ) but also like im not gonna take it too seriously…. like… its not that serious… also when i say that like i fw w her but its not like im praying to her, i have and pray for others in the sense that i wish for such and such but like never for myself. i think thats still selfish maybe, but im jst not really saying Dios or someone just in a general sense, which works? why not? omg dont get me started on repenting, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN? i think we all hope bad people get whats coming to them but also mistakes are mistakes, youll be fineee you can have self awareness and apologize, living and learning is basically what youre doing but i rather do it w/o the extra stuff, AGAIN if it works for others thats great, i dont think its taken that seriously anymore unless ur a hardcore old person but again growing up and seeing it or being surrounded by it is just like ughhh whateverrrrr ill probably ask around to people my age to see the point of view but idk i think the guidance part is nice but maybe like reading it? not so much living it and going by it, bc well…. ima live my life and ima rot if i wanna rot, i just dont wanna take it so seriously, i feel like if you arent kinda serious abt it then whats the point? other than pleasing others or a lil hobby. i need someone to ask me questions to see figure out what i believe in bc i think i know i feel like i have some answers but also maybe i dont

idk tbh i lost my point tbh, but i believe in myself, one thing ima do is think it through and act or dont act ☝️

[mattypattypinky]

People say I'm smart and stuff but like. My awareness to things is so little sometimes and it shows. Like my online sister will say something like a random fact about an animal like some deer fact, or my bf will rant abt smth like fasting. Like how do you know where the organs are in the body? How can you read a clock? How do you count american money? I haven't learned any of this shit. I don't even know what a fucking social security # is. I'm so sheltered, I feel like a failure at education. I dropped out but idk if i even processed much frm it anyways when i was in it like sumtimes i feel so dumb😭😭😭??? Like ik that's not true and I'm smart at my own things or whatevrr but like how come you know these elaborate facts about rhe human body and i don't. I'm jealous. and ya i could like do research on my own time but like it bothers me bc i wasn't taught it properly when i was younger and then ppl act like these type of things are common knowledge so i feel so dumb (not saying anyone in specific did this it just is smth that bothers me) bc I'll be talking to someone and they'll be like. Matt... you do know (vlah balh blah) like no i didn't know I'm sorry 😭😭😭 the dot dot dot always gets me thinking I'm stupid like why did u pause....... r u judging me for not knowing this obscure fact abt this thing.... is it an obscure fact? maybe i am stoopid LOL😭😭😭 like sorry i didn't know the difference between a croc and a Alligator just bc i live in fl0r!d4 doesn't mean that i know anythin abt the animals here dawg im sheltered and a failed dropout snd i anmn like. trying to survive? idfk. likeeee sorry i didn't know the dif between a turtle and tortoise I'm not educated on animal snd wildlife like u r ;(

[m3char0b0l0v3r]

ok so I was making a fake scenario in my head and accidentally made up a Crossover where TMNT, Tales of Arcadia gang and Transformers accidentally meet while trying to fight or idk but I’m just thinking they meet in some alley way after trying to hide away from the public

Like, they just fought off sum evil ppl and people come to the spot where they fought off and they run to hide somewhere and they just see eachother and they’re gonna be just like "OH HEY! THIS IS A COSPLAY! YEAH WE WERE JUST DOING OUR NORMAL HUMAN THING" expect the transformers who just say "it’s a illusion it’s in yo head" smt like that and yeah

Also It’s transformers armada, the teenage mutant turtles movie just right after they defeated krang and got Leo w/ them and where trollmarket haven’t got taken over n Vendel is still alive just like probabavvabably it’s a few episodes in the series and yeah

I bet that both Donnie and red alert would talk about technology while Donnie ask questions abt it and show off his inventions to him and both of the gangs. I mean both of them. I mean Donnie would yk show his mystic power and show his mystic guns?? In the movie or something simple like probably "hey I’ll show u a purple gun rq here 🔫" and red alert would tell him to stOp before he accidentally shoots and leave the base with a hole

Then we have Leo with Hotshot/Sideswipe or Jetfire and the wingman’s (if u don’t know it’s Toby n Arrrrgh ehe) They all would probably talk and show off how superior r they. Probably Leonardo would show his mystic power and make a portal while Toby just show how daMn light or heavy is the mf hammer but at some point Jim comes in with the sword of daylight and accidentally attracts Leo and Jetfire w/ the bro bots wouldddd probably show off their blasting or aiming skills and Hotshot would ask Jolt to get his aft here so they can superlink together and show off the cannons

Blinky would ask Optimus abt transformers history and sometimes cut him off to say abt of troll history or Vendel would also talk to scavenger abt the transformers war or smt plus Draal with Blurr they would probably exchange tactics or smt more of battling?? But it’s only probably serious things

Ah yes then we the humans with their size robots and another human with a teleporting dogcAt? and a Wizard with a chef boy with a magical sword. They all would probably talk abt their friends first before themselves but I bet Jim would talk how a mf oldass Wizard made a amulet and choose people to give trauma until they die and sometimes Claire would cut in to say abt Morgana and how she stole her damn wand thing

The tf humans talks how they found the transformers and still blames themselves how they accidentally start a war again and stills feel guilt abt it, they hug their robot friends or hold their hands while talking abt them and they hold their hand back

April would be last bc she is busy on the phone until they say "what about u??" and basically talks how dum r the turtles before she talked how they found Mayhem and hidden city and how Donnie fucked them up into jail bc of science and moogic and says how a evil mutant lives on top of her apartment and made the evil mutant work as a lunch lady and basically works a lot but always gets fired yk

The turtles basically says that they were made by the evil mutant that April mentioned but they’re dad is a rat but he was human and was a actor and knows how to beat mutant asses

Basically that’s what I have and it’s a first time I made this so bye🏃🏼‍♀️

[babymilkawa]

random boyfriend headcanons with:

bakugou katsuki

gn!reader :)

no. 2

bakugou warms up the bed for you with his hands and body while ur doing ur night time routine because he knows u get cold easily

although you'd much rather be in his arms rather than ur side of the bed 🙄 hes being sweet so don't say anything 🤫

one day u bought him a shark tooth necklace and just went up to him and said "you shud wear this, you'd look really hot"

and of course, he already knows he'll look good and because it's you saying it, he'll wear it when he's shirtless and on top of you 😏

sometimes if he's talking too much or being annoying you'll just put the necklace in between his teeth

if u wear slippers when it's cold, denki steals them from u sometimes and bakugou will just carry u wherever until u find them so ur feet don't have to touch the cold ground

maybe even hide them from u a little longer so he'll have an excuse

so we all know bakugou reads romance mangas right

u read them with him and what he does is that he keeps in mind of the specific scenes/panels that you gush about or react to

then when u finish reading it, he'll go back and highlight or type them up in his notes so that he can subtly reenact them with you

but every time he does it ur always like "awww u got that from [blank] didn't you " and he's like "no pssh what r u talking about dumbass"

bakugou loves to annoy you,,,now on that note I will present to you:

vacuum kithes <33>>

sometimes if ur having a soft moment and u just wanna kiss those soft lips of his he'll start sucking ur mouth and it makes this weird suction noise and it's so ANNOYING cuz ur tryna have a moment here

ur covering his mouth with ur hand and he's laughing while biting and licking ur hand

ANOTHER annoying thing is like when u guys wear masks he'll just walk up to you

and pull ur mask so that it snaps back in ur face

he does it to annoy you and to see that cute nose scrunch u do whenever that happens

he'll also bring u close while walking next to you and just back kick his foot to tap ur ass

sry does that make sense?? Idk how else to explain it

ok moving on to online learning related things he does

if u guys have some of the same classes, he'll pin your camera on zoom so that ur face is the largest on his screen and all the extras are tiny

it's just an excuse to stare at u better and u'll never knoww sooo👀

ur teachers ask yall to pick the people in ur breakout groups and yall always pick each other

sometimes there are other people in ur breakout groups but u don't rly care, u just talk to bakugou like normal

he's a little iffy cuz he doesn't want the extras to see a peek in his love life with you but his desire to talk to u is much greater

u guys r the only ones with your cameras on and he hates that it seems like the others r just listening to ur convo

the light is hitting u j right and even with the shitty WiFi u still look stunning

he almost starts grumbling abt how he doesn’t want other ppl to see ur face

BRUH A WHAT NOW BAKU R U SERIOUS THIS IS FOR CLASS

for social media, if u guys r just chilling or he's bored, he'll j go onto ur account and start hyping up ur posts like even if they're a year old

cos even better right, no one'll scroll that far and see his comments

u guys even do live videos sometimes, mostly u want to do it and he just sits there

a lot of people join actually and ask u guys questions abt ur relationship

u answer them and bakugou just scoffs at them like "why do u wanna know so bad, huh? stick ur nose somewhere else!"

he thinks tiktok couples r cheesy and evthing is staged and honestly same here but maybe I’m j too single

his phone password

It’s UR FREAKING name with his last name IM GONNA DIE 😫💕

it’s literally bakugouy/n

it’s a little obvious for snoopers like the bakusquad but is this not cute or WHAT

for dates, you'll sometimes let him pick ur outfit if he doesn't want to tell you where y'all are going

and he has good taste ok cuz,,his parents,, 😼

n e ways he dresses u up and the place u end up going like fits PERFECTLY with the fit and the pics yall take will obvi b in ur next sm post

if u have an allowance/budget and u overspend sometimes and u complain like "ugh I can't buy that sweater now cos if I do i'll have to skip my weekly boba drink” 🥺

he grumbles "dumbass, i'll just get it for u, y r u even complaining"

sugar daddy

woooh this was long

but imma have to stop here cuz the list will only get longer and longer

but yea! this is honestly what I think about in my daily life hence the pandemic related tings huehue

there'll prolly b a part 2 <33

bnha masterlist

[virtuangel]

heyyyy dearest <3 how about drippin &/tbz 💗🌻✨

hewwo bieloved <3 thank u mwah

la la la la la la la la la la la la la nostalgia

first bias: yunseong!!!!!!!!! bewoved

current bias(es): still yunseong 00 liner whos a leader n dancer what else do i need

album ranking: boyager > zero > a better tomorrow = villain > free pass

how i got into them: i mean we r still in the process of getting into them but like casually listened to them since debut (boyager aoty) . n then i think i tried to get more into them for a sec bc of brina? n then . well then ina happened (nd now ure helping a great lot i think)

which member would be my best friend: minseo is my bestie he's my cat he lives on my couch BUT also i do think i cld b besties w hyeop i think we'd be a great bestie duo

something i associate with them (or with a bias/any member): INA................ n that one clip of yunseong w the cake/cream on his face i think abt it 24/7 . also the word nostalgia literally hasnt been the same since they debuted . also pink ribbons w minseo

THE boyz (tm)

first bias: haknyeon (& hyunjun)

current bias(es): scratches head....idk u tell me (chanhee sunwoo hyunjae . additional rotation juyeon jichang jacob . sometimes hak)

album ranking: reveal = breaking dawn > chase => the start > maverick > the sphere = dreamlike => the first > thrill-ing > the only > tattoo > bloom bloom which is VERY VERY VERY VERY different from my title track ranking it's almost funny (bloom bloom n no air n tattoo are my fave tts)

how i got into them: omg ok so like idk if i actually rlly liked juhak during broduce or if i only got attached to him after it ended?????? def thought his pig thing was cute (why did i phrase it like that . idk but u get it) when he was announced to b debuting i was rlly excited i made a tbz twt KKSDBJKBKDSJKF but like without actually looking much into the other ppl .. but being on there i started seeing fantakens of hyunjun i was like i Need to know who this guy is . nd then i kinda forgot abt them rip sorry nd it didnt help that i rlly didnt like giddy up so i like lost interest fully by then BUT THEN around no air i think? maybe? i was like i like this kevin guy (???? which is wild to present me like ure telling me i had a KEVIN PHASE????????????????????????????) but also . smth thats insanely funny to me is that i had a whole . losing my mind moment over how there was a guy that kept catching my eye in the no air showcase stage (breakdown documented on my old twt acc) BC it turns out it was haknyeon n i was like ??????WHAT R THE ODDS LIKE WHAT..... nd idk if this was at the same time or before or after but at some point i figured out that i actually love right here?? so i watched their weekly idol episode from that era nd i was like i am in love with sunwoo now ........ nd then i forgot abt them again KJBSKBK like i kept being a casual listener for the absolute longest time from debut to like . possibly rtk????? i think i fully got into them during rtk???????????? but it doesnt feel like it because like .as u can see . we have a bit of a history . we go way back

which member would be my best friend: i would kill to be friends w any of them . i would sell my soul to b friends w chanhee but like hes too cool for me like fully entirely like they all are but he's like on a whole different level like . i had a dream where i was besties w kevin n jacob & it was pretty fun we were a nice friend trio that cld be cute . i also think hyunjae's the type of person i gravitate towards BUT i wld end up falling in love w him so again mayb not the best idea

something i associate with them (or with a bias/any member): i think the group in general just ....... the feeling of belonging like coming home after a long time like talking to your best friend after weeks or months of silence and realizing nothing has changed u know ... hak pigs & horses & straw hats farmer vibes im so sorry hak . chanhee plum/peach/cherry blossoms & fluffy sheep & the smell of books & glitter & pearls & spring breeze n the smell of spring when you open your window & holding pinkies don't ask . jichang hermit crabs & bedazzled jackets & chucky & gabi & giraffes & brown poodles . jacob aléks & lockers filled with homemade chocolates and love letters on valentine's day that he's too kind to refuse . sunwoo's 38472398472839 hour long vlives & happy comfort & chestnuts n walnuts & just like the feeling of coming home after a long day but its not an empty home there's someone u love waiting for u u know . i was gonna add jaehyun n juyeon but i have said Too Much already sorry guys

[backseatloversz]

hmmmmmmm. it is here

anderson & perry teacher headcanons :)

idk if theyre teachers in the same universe at the same time but i love the idea of either of them teaching, obviously in part having been inspired by mr keating and experiencing firsthand how much a good teacher can impact u and wanting to give other kids that experience

if it IS the same universe they probably work in the same district bc u know, they live together, its probably closest for both

todd would work at an elementary/middle school and neil would work at a high school (or maybe they'd both work at the same k/6-12 school) so a few years later when a kid would say they went to x school neil would ask if they had mr anderson n then would talk abt him a bit :) (regardless of if they said yes or no. he just likes to talk abt him)

in a more modern au both r those lovely teachers that have a pride flag somewhere in their room<33

so ofc a lot of kids would feel safe around them + come talk to them abt anything/bein queer :)

both in an only one of them is a teacher (and both are alive and together) au loves to brag/talk about the other; my friend/roommate/partner/husband (depends) is a poet is an actor guys he is so talented and cool ..,.,. :-)

speaking of! individually ;

mister teacher todd anderson :)

i feel like he'd be fine teaching any grade, moving around schools a lot, and/or being the sub everyone loves

he still does writing on the side/as a hobby ofc

at a middle school level he'd want to teach english, but idk im one to bet he'd be able (or might have to lmao idk how teaching works) to teach any core subject

at a high school level he would love to not only teach core english but also at least one of the lang/lit electives like poetry or uh. what else is there. speech & debate. women in literature

ok maybe not speech & debate. or maybe! maybe he took that type of class in college & gained public speaking skills/confidence or whatever and wants to spread the good word to quiet high school kids that public speaking is a learned skill!

he is the kind of teacher that, as a core teacher, lots of ppl know and lots of ppl love + respect

feel like he'd run a club. not sure which one

aside from the normal amount of rowdy teens/tweens, a lot of teachers r like holy shit mr anderson ur classes are always so ... good. like. everyone in them. and hes like lmao yeah i dont just make them memorize information i teach them in a way so they'll enjoy/appreciate the subject. plus two sided respect and trust and stuff!

in sum good kind teacher todd anderson

alright now mister teacher neil perry :)

he's Smart i'll bet he could teach any of the core subjects

or again maybe at some point he'd have to. idk how teaching works

his core topic of choice'd be english though

i wanna say second would be science bc even though he never cared abt it his parents ensured he exceeded at it so now hes super science smart</3 maybe he'll try to give kids a better experience with it idk! and ofc

thats not whats important whats important is him being a theater teacher

at a high school level btw. for some reason i can only picture him as a high school teacher

he did do acting/was involved in the acting/theater world for at least a few years prior but then decided he wanted to combine that w/ his desire to leave a positive impact on younger ppl who wanted to get into acting!!

(or just kids who needed an art credit whatever everyones welcome)

he'd probably want to stay at the same high school for a while, yk build a community + familiarity with how the program runs there and ofc get to know the kids and then their younger siblings two or five or ten years later

he has ... a very strong voice. he's not mean by any means and, being the theater teacher, he'd never put kids in situations they don't wanna be in, but his voice is very good for (lovingly (sometimes)) shouting at the juniors messing around on the clear opposite end of the theater

freshmen are always scared of him. but not in a bad way simply in an intimidated way. upperclassmen say dont worry hes cool i swear :)

it is very important to me to reiterate this for neil specifically he def would have a lil pride flag in a cupholder in his office in a more modern au

kids come 2 his office to cry. u know. as u do in theater. and he is good at handling crying teenagers

ok i think thats all ive got for now

[thisdreamplace]

ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖

[smalltragedy]

* justice smith, demi man + he/they | you know gabriel de leon, right? they’re twenty three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, six years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 1984 (infinite jest) by the used like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole waking up in a body as heavy as the dead, emotions always on the verge of spilling over - you laugh before the punch lands, the belief that every encounter you have will be the last thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

hi im just reposting gabe’s intro bc its been a very long time n im starting a little fresh hehe. yes i do regret the text color bt im not going back.

VIOLENCE TW

mini playlist.

ghosting ;; mother mother / roam the room ;; citizen / art of doubt ;; metric / thnks fr th mmrs ;; fall out boy / heart in a cage ;; the strokes / where is my mind? ;; the pixies / flowers grow out of my grave ;; dead man’s bones / 1984 (infinite jest) ;; the used / blister in the sun ;; the violent femmes.

statistics.

full name: gabriel de leon.

nickname(s): gabe.

birthday: october 31st, 1997.

zodiac: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini ascending.

label: the icarian.

hometown: belleville, new jersey.

sexuality: bisexual (masc-leaning).

pinterest.

biography.

it’s only rly ever been gabe n his mom n the little new jersey suburbs that r always the same no matter where they go. they dn’t speak abt fathers or brothers or spain or anywhere other than the now, and how its constantly changing bt oddly the same.

his mom’s name is sonia n we love her. she worked a lot as a single mom n p much hs done everything on her own ever since leaving spain.

they dn’t talk abt spain bt we cn talk abt spain n hw sonia hd grown up partially there n partially in the states n hw she’d originally planned to live there forever bt the man she’d fallen in love with ws involved in some. high class dangerous shit n it ws safer fr them to part even if tht involved leaving everything she knew n loved <3

bt its like. ok. bc she hd gabe <3 n they dnt talk abt it so it practically nvr happened. n she tries her best as a mom n usually tht is enough.

they moved around a lot just bc sonia is a very. flighty person. anxious bt nvr seems tht way is just always. tense. gabe didnt think she ws capable of relaxing fr. a rly long time.

she wld commute 2 nyc every morning n after school gabe wld climb onto the train n by the time he got 2 her place of work she’d be just getting off n they’d get a slice of pizza n sometimes they’d go somewhere like central park or coney island (just fr the novelty) bt most of the time they just got back on the train home w/ gabe either doing homework or napping on her shoulder.

when gabe got a little older he’d sometimes skip school n take the train after sonia had already gone so he cld spend the day in nyc. he liked learning bt didnt rly like school. he nvr properly fit in bc of the amt of times they’d move so it felt like nowhere ws. right fr him.

got rly involved in. the punk scene as a young unsupervised teenager n tht led 2 a lot of like. shitty stick n pokes bt also a love of. very loud angry music n a sense of justice tht he held tightly in his fists. got mouthy towards bullies whether at school or in the scenes he involved himself in n started getting into a lot of fights bc of it.

during this, sonia ended up dating n marrying gabe’s stepdad who he calls craig sometimes bt i dnt think thats his name i wont lie to u guys. its partially a joke n partially purposeful disrespect bc gabriel does not trust a single man bt like. man. ‘craig’ is just an accountant. he’s fine he’s a good dude. they once bonded over like. the mets.

violence tw // anyways. when gabriel ws 16 he got into a super super bad fight tht ended rly. terribly n like listen. nobody died bt it ws just. it got blown up very out of proportion n gabe might’ve gotten expelled even tho he wsnt even the one who started it bt thts okay. ‘craig’, or paul, suggested tht maybe. a change of scenery wld b good fr gabe n b4 they knew it they were. moving to paul-robert’s hometown of irving, north carolina. violence end of tw //

he wld’ve complained more bt. fr sonia’s sake gabe kept it 2 himself. it made her happy 2 see them all get along anyways n like. idk he cld put forth tht little effort <3

bt honestly like. he didnt rly get into too many fights once they moved down here n even tho sometimes he ws like. ommgg. i hate this town .. its so washed up .. he still made friends n like. the only thing tht changed ws tht it ws a lil harder fr him 2 acquire illegal substances.

anyways. currently he hs a tattoo apprenticeship n is a professional piercer n like. he plays guitar n writes songs bt thts more of a hobby rn than anything else. mostly focused on paying his rent at port apartments bc as much as he. loves his mom he does not want 2 live with her forever <3 n thts okay!

personality & facts.

overall xtremely passionate person like god. feels emotions so intensely. every time he opens his mouth n talks abt an interest of theirs its just very like. u listen n ur like oh. gained 2 inspiration. thanks.

clings onto his friends p tightly bc he like. nvr rly stayed in one place fr super super long in new jersey so he nvr made very long term friends n now hes like. very clingy HLKDSHLKFSHLKDG also hates to b alone. subtle desperation behind interactions with ppl he rly wld like to be friends with.

like dnt get me wrong hes gotten into. sm fights bt thts mostly bc he cannot keep his mouth shut n he also cnt stand douchebags he like. always wants to tear them down prob bc he ws a victim of bullying. n u know what. we support him. otherwise he loves ppl bt esp if they hv similar interests 2 him.

like golden retriever who bites kind of. intensely loyal but at the same time is very skeptical. things tht good things do not last very long even though they’ve been doing already fr the last few years.

also bit of a nerd. they were nvr rly a big fan of school bt theres smth abt a good superhero comic tht draws their attention more than like. any english class evr. bt seven soldiers of victory? classic. big dc fan.

uh. very into like. hardcore music. hardcore rock. punk. if its loud n angry they r into it like so so much. hs sm tattoos is like. super covered in them its partially bc they work at a tattoo shop n partially bc they do not know hw to manage their money well.

ooohh u know what theyre. kinda moody i wont lie to u. very defensive like they dnt evr wna talk abt their past. has experienced Things n they do not wish to discuss them. will usually like. deflect frm conversations he doesnt wna hv.

in tune with nature. loves fkn taking walks. hangs out in the woods by abernathy creek n lilac ridge bc nobody rly goes there n its just. nice

tries not 2 take anything super seriously 2 the point where when he does take smth seriously its a little scary bc theyre super intense abt it. forcibly optimistic even tho on the inside he feels like a total pessimist. lots of. deep down insecurities tht he projects by attaching himself p firmly onto others. >.>

so so so energetic. can never stay still. always hs to be moving around. restless like tht. probably got it frm his mom. overly protective over the ppl he loves. probably got it frm his mom as well.

goes onto Tangents bt also divert frm those tangents n is generally all over the place.

always cold n always looks tired n like he hsnt slept in a thousand years n u know what. sometimes he just does not sleep.

oooohh theyre a vegan. totally into animal rights. devious little demi man beyond that .. loves horror n the paranormal n believes in like. every cryptic. will debate u on it.

erm not. the kindest 2 themself theyre a bit self destructive. impulsive. drives very fast n parties super hard. said i will hv my effy stonem moment. u dont hv to gabe.

bt ya! luvs oranges n reds n is maybe a short king. hs an eyebrow piercing n like. a lip ring i wont fk around here he IS living his best emo life in 2021. a little outdated on the trends bt thats okay. probably will tell u hes frm new jersey. its a personality trait. smokes the shittiest cigarettes ever.

wanted plots.

just ghosting along ,, dnt even exist 2 me ,, ;; god. firstly just the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs like. spoken to romantically n then dropped suddenly. n then maybe like. one tht actually Hurt bt they cnt avoid each other bt theyre actively pretending each other doesnt exist n its. hurtful bc it ws like. actually smth nice bt <3 ykno FKLFSDHG

hey hey heyy c’maahn i’m just a little guy ;; n this is the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs probably. pissed off n hs either fought or been on the verge of fighting just. unable 2 resist a good bicker-turned-duel.

just blistering in the sun ;; they cld b close friends bt also they cld also not b bt just ppl who. indulge in bad impulsive decisions with gabe. general bad influences on each other’s health n just. no good! party hard bt at what cost.

n also ;; like ... rly solid good friendships ... flings n maybe an exe or two tht either ended on good terms or just. horrendous, ppl they’ve distanced frm, ppl also frm up north, piercing customers, bt not tattoo customers bc im p sure they’d get fired if they were just tattoo’ing ppl willy nilly, etc.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Ppl be like "Magnus can't have flaws??! How dare you say nice things about him?!??" sometimes. All of Magnus' characteristics that we use to describe him are Canon but ppl act like we're making his personality up??? Saw someone tag a post abt ppl only making up personalities for guys nd not girls with his name as if he wasn't a main and didn't have his own story+background. It was made worse as they tagged the same post with damon Salvatore nd now I feel sick.

Book!magnus isn't flawed he's a straight up asshole. Ppl like to say he's better than show!magnus because of his dick ways and I'm just like: ????. Show!Magnus does have flaws idiots just lack the critical thinking to find them!

idk who damon salvatore is (i mean im vaguely aware hes from that vampire diaries thing but i know nothing beyond that) but otherwise i agree with u (also, ppl got a lot of nerve putting a coc in a list like that like being a moc means being treated even slightly the same way as a white man lmao. i mean yeah sure hes still got male privilege but are you serious? fandom treating a coc like he deserves nuance and well thought out headcanons and love and attention? wish i lived in that world)

what rlly drives me crazy about this whole "magnus is allowed to have flaws" thing is that like, yeah, he sure is! especially because poc are never allowed to be even the slightest bit human, much less flawed, without people getting up in arms about it. magnus' got plenty of flaws! he's stubborn, he's self sacrificial, he hides his feelings from others, he pushes ppl away when they get too close to his vulnerabilities, he has a tendency to simply Decide what other ppl want or need (like with alec and that whole moving to idris thing), he is impulsive, and a lot of other shit

and it's exactly those flaws that draw me to him, honestly! like i talk about how kind and caring he is all the time, and that is true, but i know that this is, at least partially, him feeling like he needs to be useful to be loved, and erasing himself/defining himself by what he can do for others, which is the same trait that leads him to act in all these ways i mentioned above. it's why i relate to him! it's why i love him! magnus isn't perfect, he is good, a good person, and there's a difference

which is the point i have been wanting to make when i started writing this answer because like. what drives me crazy the most is how those dark magnus stans or whatever love to say that they write him as an evil person who literally enjoys hurting others (like im sorry but have you watched the show?) because he's "allowed to have flaws". usually the same ppl who keep being like "i write my relationships realistically!" and when u check out their fics, it's like, literally abuse. like straight up physical violence and manipulation and gaslighting. and. that's not being realistic, girl! that's normalizing abuse

and it's one thing if this is a dark fic and its supposed to be bad or whatever and u just want to explore that, god knows i write about abuse all the damn time. its another to be like "actually if ppl arent like that its not realistic and ur writing them as perfect uwu beans and u have no nuance and are a bad writer". cuz honestly, if u think "having flaws" is being straight up abusive, and that it's "unrealistic" otherwise, then that tells me all i need to know about how u live ur relationships. if u think its literally impossible to exist in the real world without abusing others then i dont want to have shit to do with u, buddy

(and im not even saying that from just a logical standpoint but also from experience because ive had exes and ex friends who used this whole "actually humans are naturally selfish and dont care about others and enjoy hurting others it's human nature" rethoric [and the whole "realistic" thing is really just that except applied to fiction] and surprise! they were all abusive! either to me or other ppl i knew, usually both)

and it's not unrealistic to be kind and care about others! on the contrary, it's a very normal and natural human trait. so miss me with that "either ur character literally enjoys torturing other ppl or he's being written as perfect" shit. which of course gains particularly strong tones when ppl r writing coc, esp moc. like no one insists that if alec doesn't feel literal pleasure hurting others then that's unrealistic and ppl r making his personality up and treating him like he's perfect. i wonder why 🙄

like the bar for "being written realistically" for white ppl is having flaws, for poc it's being straight up cruel

miss me with that shit! magnus is kind, he is selfless, he is caring, he is willing to do anything to help others, he is loving beyond anything else even after all his trauma! and yes, he is still flawed and realistic, and no, he is not an innocent baby. if he were i wouldn't be into it because i don't want a character who's kind because he doesn't know better, i want a character who's kind because they choose to. nothing could possibly be more boring to me than a character who's nice and unaware that other ppl might be assholes, i want characters who know exactly how terrible other people can be, who have experienced it firsthand, but who are still kind because that's who they are and what they believe in. and that's magnus! he knows perfectly well how full of horrors the world is, how sometimes there is no right choice, how sometimes u need to make sacrifices, how some people are really selfish and cruel and he's even been used by those specifically because he's too kind of selfless. he just chooses to still be kind and selfless anyway

if you could never, that's not my problem, or his writing's lol

[reversecreek]

lily for magda (thinking about figs feeling evil), tulip for cricket, marigold for ziggy, chrysanthemum for bradley, belladonna for nyla

lily :   how does your muse view their mother ?  

magda doesn’t know a lot abt her mum. she knows vague snippets n details bt they’re all very elusive. it’s kind of a tricky subject where her mum’s concerned bc when she was younger she’d come up w all these assumptions abt how her mum was n who she’d be if she were with her but the rational part of magda was like..... u don’t know any of this. ur literally making things up. it’s kind of hard for a kid to have that vital person missing from their life n to resist the urge to fill in the blanks with their own projections so the space feels less empty. it’s like having a tooth missing n ur tongue always going back to poke at the spot in ur gum. there’s a constant reminder of loss in that. magda knows her mum liked to sing bc her dad said once she’d always sing to her belly when she was pregnant. this is a lot of the reason why magda has always cared so much abt music bc she took this fact in her fist n grasped it tight n never let go n in a way grew parts of herself around it. it’s like............. i feel like her mum dying in childbirth gave her lots of issues when it comes to her identity n like. who she is n who she wants to be.......... bc of magda’s issues w her dad i feel like she got into this habit growing up of rly putting who her mum could have been on a pedestal n basing everything around that.... she’d be like I’m More Like Her (a belief which was only accelerated bc her dad would drunkenly say she looked so much like her) n cling onto that so she liked herself more bc the other option was her dad who she loves but he’s also an incredibly flawed person n they hv a complicated relationship...... i think as she’s gotten older she’s realised her mum cld very well have been that way too n putting people on pedestals isn’t the way to go about things but. idk. as a kid she was kind of obsessed w this idea of her n this idea that her mum being gone was the beginning n end of everything wrong in her life. for the most part now magda accepts she never knew her n sometimes even feels stupid for grieving her at all bc she never knew her to grieve in the first place but. there’s a tiny part of magda tht still hangs on to the comfort of what she could have had n it’s obvious by the fact she still keeps a photograph of her folded up in her pillow. she loves the mum she made up in her head n she wishes she got to meet her. there’s this sense tht maybe then she wouldn’t feel like this culmination of missing parts more than a person if she’d had that in her life. sighs n lks away holding my dyed black emo bang.....

tulip :   how does your muse view people in general ?  

cricket is like. the strangest little anomaly of a person FGHKSFGHSFKGH bc like. u would rly think that after everything he’s been thru he would just have this absolutely jaded view of people and life in general and i wouldn’t even......... blame him for it if he did like. i’d understand completely bc he’s experienced A Lot of bad stuff. n yet somehow he just.... idk. i think i wrote in a reply once this comparison of cricket n a cockroach in the sense that they have this incredibly reinforced exoskeleton n even if they’re stomped flat they can keep living n bounce back from it n that’s very him but it’s more specifically the hope inside him. he has this little candle lit that good things can still happen midst all of the terrible things n i genuinely can’t see it snuffing out at any point even tho sometimes he might want it to. sometimes i think he even gets into these frames of mind where it jst infuriates the fk out of him bc in his head he’s like why do u even think good shit can happen when u have sm overwhelming evidence to the contrary but then he’s also like. look u can dwell on the bad or u can notice the way the light falls thru the leaves in the trees and u can think to urself inside ur head as u listen to someone u love talking abt something that makes them happy ‘hey this feeling is nice n there’s a dozen others like it’. idk. against all odds he’s an optimist. he has tinnitus in his left ear n sometimes he pretends the ringing is angels trying to talk to him. he likes to search for the silver linings in things to make them bearable n that’s how he gets by. obviously he knows there’s evil in the world n that a lot of people can be shit bc he has firsthand experience w that but he also believes there are people to serve as the antithesis to that n he wants to focus on them bc like. why give bad stuff the time of day. not necessarily always a positive coping mechanism (if u bottle up bad feelings n thoughts they leak thru one way or another aka his overwhelming anxiety) but like.... i think there’s a lot of bravery in that n i respect him for it i won’t lie. he cld have become very bitter bt instead he’s like that quote that’s like 'the gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it'. suddenly slaps his little anxious rump (supportive) (affectionate)

marigold :   is your muse prone to jealousy ?  how might they handle envious feelings ?  

it’s hard to say w ziggy............... i feel like he doesn’t want to think he’s prone to jealousy bc he’s like i’m literally a god wdym i simply wld never give a fk bc i know i’m above all else................. but like. do u actually believe that ziggy. do u. FKGJHKSJGHFGSHFGKSHGKFHG. he’s good at convincing himself at least........... has me fooled too most of the time. bt. thinks abt this.............. i feel like he doesn’t tend to get jealous over ppl he hooks up w a lot of the time bt there’s definitely a few select ppl he might.......... n then he doesn’t rly know what that feeling is bc he’s so unused to feeling it so he’s like wtf why am i so fking pissed off over the thought of this person fking that person? like literally doesn’t even. connect the dots n make the logical conclusion bc it jst seems so bizarre n nonsensical to him. rly is awful at working out his own feelings like. he cld just suddenly explode one day n have to smash a bunch of shit in a junkyard n after his chest is heaving n he has all this broken stuff around him n he’s just like yo wtf was that man forreal lmfaoooooooooo..... like he just doesn’t even get how his own emotions work it’s tragic n it’s men for u. w anxious feelings he represses them a lot he doesn’t rly understand what they r or know how to recognise them........... i honestly feel like he has a lot of anxiety surrounding his mum esp w her dating n like some of the guys they’ve both had to deal w that she’s dated in the past.......... i doubt he processes that healthily or expresses it healthily either..... probably contributes to the tensions between him n his mum they hv a lot of underlying issues that come out in the form of bickering n petty disagreements...... probably a huge contributor to him acting out so terribly in high skl was just all this pent up worried energy with no means of making sense of itself or like. place to go. like shaking a coke bottle over n over n finally having to crack the lid n let it fizz on something. i also think he probably swallowed a lot of jealousy growing up whenever other kids had gd relationships w their fathers or parents in general probably ws kind of like lmfaooooo yo why don’t mine love me like that. in his head...... so ya. i think he copes w anxious feelings by acting out n also fucking if we’re being honest......... it helps him let off steam <3 king of clapping cheeks ig....

chrysanthemum :   how does your muse express romantic love ?  how do they feel about love as a concept ?  

bradley is kind of hard to read romantically like from an outside perspective but slides on my thin rimmed spectacles n picks up my scalpel to delve right in to the nitty gritty of her brain... omg... that sounded... kind of scary actually but. it’s ok. basically settles in. bradley struggles to verbalise her feelings in this regard but also in a general sense honestly.... like she’s spent a lifetime having any vulnerable or negative feeling shut down....... her dad’s the type of personality where it’s like... u can’t win. even tho he’s narcissistic n thinks he’s a god if u compliment him or express affection he’ll act pleased but there’ll also be this register in his eyes where he thinks less of u for it. so this rly had a domino effect in bradley’s emotional expression in all grounds of life...... romance is probably the most frivolous concept to tony so bradley definitely internalised some of these views n wld feel stupid for ever taking anything seriously in that regard or rly investing herself..... she also just. idk. love has only ever left bite marks in bradley’s world so she’d kind of like ‘why wld i ever expose my tender spots n open myself up to someone just so they can sink their teeth in’. i will say tho that like. despite that she can in rare instances develop those feelings n it’s always like..... quite a struggle for her when she does. she doesn’t rly understand it or how to deal w it. she finds talking about it hard n she feels childish or weak in the eyes of whoever knows how she’s feeling. it takes a long time n a lot of work to earn it bt bradley in love is like. ur the only person on the planet who knows how gentle she can b. she’d literally like. touch the face of this one guy i wrote her being in love w when he was sad so gently it was shocking it ws like a love tht deep unlocked a whole other part of her she didn’t know existed. sex is a big part of her love expression jst like. a lot of it. so much. JHGSFKHGSFGKHFKGSHG let’s get it.......... she’s a ride or die n doesn’t do anything in halves. she has a nasty habit of pushing good things away n also wld probably do this to protect the other person bc her world is a never ending shit show with her father’s presence in every room even when he isn’t physically there. she wldn’t wna subject someone she loved to the danger of that bc she hates it enough herself so. idk. smiles w hand on hip. love isn’t something bradley thinks is on the menu fr her bc she’s only ever known it to be hard or mean n why bother trying when that’s the case. it feels like there’s always small print attached tht will hurt her in the end n nothing is free or genuine. very doomed outlook on love in general tbh.

belladonna :   how does your muse respond to silence ?   do they take comfort in soundlessness ,   or seek to fill the void with noise ?  

nyla honestly doesn’t mind silence at all........ they always wake up rly early in the morning no matter what time they went to bed. it’s like someone programmed an oven timer into their brain n often when they wake up at 6am or something they’ll go on walks around irving tottering in their own little world which is quite a quiet experience in itself when the rest of the world’s asleep........... always off on impromptu adventures they came up w on the spot.......... sometimes they get lost in their own train of thought too so they just randomly fall silent bc they’re having a whole conversation w themselves inside their head or like. writing a whole children’s story abt an iguana in a trench coat floating in a hot air balloon smoking a little vintage pipe all the way to peru. honestly for every 1 thing nyla says there’s about 4987295749572592745 things they don’t say tht are x100 times stranger n more nonsensical they sort of let it all drift thru their head like an open sieve for the most part. having said tht i think in order to sleep at night they probably need some sort of white noise or smthn................. it’s handy living in a beach house bc they just leave the window open to let the ocean gush bt sometimes if they’ve snuck into like. mido’s bed fr the night or someone’s bed idk the sound of them breathing works too................. they used to always sleep w bob ross playing on loop n that was rly comforting to them esp bc he reminds them a lot of their dad w his calming voice n energy.............. sometimes they’d have taken smthn n they’d literally hallucinate it as their dad instead of bob ross n this happened so many times in a row fr a period of time tht when they finally watched it sober they were like wtf since when did they recast my dad in this show...... KJHFGSHFGKSHFKGH but also. frowns... bit sad considering.