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inkedroplets · 9 months

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20 Questions More

A deeper and more detailed version of the 20 questions for AO3 fanfic writers. Thanks @eqt-95 for the tag

1) How do you keep getting ideas for your ship/fandom?

I always have too many ideas and not enough time to actually write.

2) Which authors inspire you in your fandom, and why are they so freakishly good?

There are way too many authors to list that I feel like would deserve a mention. I would love to give a huge thank you to all the gifmakers still in the fandom-sphere. I can probably thank gifsets for a lot of my ideas (even if I still haven't actually written them down).

3) Aside from the characters of your main ship, who are the characters you love to write?

Within the Supercorp-sphere, I love writing for Sam. I think because I would have loved to see her stick around longer in the show itself.

4) Are there pairings or tropes you know for sure you'd never write about? Which ones?

I don't want to say any trope is technically off the table but I don't think I'd ever write a true enemies to lovers fic. I slow burn enough as it is, if I tried to write that, I'd never finish it.

5) What is your writing process and why is it cursed?

My editing process is akin to pulling weeds. I like to reduce my word count by maybe 10% on the first edit. Add back maybe 5% more and repeat the process until I'm finally happy with it. Spoiler alert: I'm never happy

6) What is your favorite part of your writing process?

I'm much more a gardener when it comes to writing so I never know where the story will go exactly. So just writing the first draft is always the most fun for me. I sometimes think the characters will act a certain way and they kind of take a life of their own and I'm just along for the ride.

7) What’s the weirdest thing you’ve had to research for a fic?

I remember having to research art forgery for essentially a throwaway line but it really was interesting. E

8) Is there a particular writing rule you struggle with (grammar, spelling, tense, reality in general)?

None in particular, but that's not to say I don't make many many mistakes. I do tend to make tiny changes as I go which means that I've doubled up on some sentences in the past and I am always mortified when I find them after I've already posted the chapter.

9) What was your hardest scene to write so far and why?

Scenes with urgency give me trouble. You want the scene to breathe but you need to be aware that time is short so what the characters can say, what they want to say and what they actually get to say are so different. There was a scene like that in A Rich Girl With Issues that I kind of agonized over. How much should I let Kara and Lena speak to one another, what's important, what should be left unsaid?

10) Have your characters ever done something you didn’t expect, changing your plot completely?

All. The. Time. I never have a plan. I sometimes have scenes I want to write and hope the story veers in that direction so I can write it but it always turns out so different.

11) If you could converse with any of the characters, who would it be and why?

Probably Lena because she's the loml (Apologies to the actual loml)

12) What are some of the tropes or themes that you find yourself returning to in your writing?

I am addicted to pining. Not just pining, angsty pining. I love writing something that's so obvious to everyone else when the characters are so in love or so full of self-loathing that they can't let themselves even begin to imagine their feelings being returned.

13) What's your most important resource as a writer?

Reading. I read voraciously. I'm normally surrounded by books. Some that I pick up to just read anywhere. It's helped me find my voice and it's helped me grow as a writer (at least I think it has)

14) Can you share some of your strategies for editing and revising your work?

I do small edits as I go but nothing major. If a line sticks out that I really don't like then I usually tinker with it before I move on. I think that's not good advice in general but it bothers me too much to ignore. But if you do edit as you go, there's a lot less to polish in the final editing stages.

15) Which is worse: making the summary, picking the tags, or the anxiety when you post your fic?

I hate making the summary. I don't even know what the fic is about, how the hell am I supposed to tell other people?

16) How do you define success for your fanfic - hits? Kudos? Comments? Bookmarks? Or just if you like it?

I feel like my writing is very selfish in a way. They are stories that I want to read and I get enjoyment out of writing them. So every kind comment I get, there's always a sense of wonder because it's so strange that someone else is interested. I truly do cherish every comment and there are many I like to revisit when I'm not feeling so confident in my writing.

17) Do you have a playlist for your favorite character/ship?

I usually make a playlist for each multi-chapter fic. Some fic ideas get their start as a playlist. Please someone ask me about them, I have so many.

18) If fan art was going to be made from your work, which fic would you pick and which fan artist would you like to create it?

I have been very blessed that people have made fan art of my work and I'm still in awe. I could never even begin to describe how touched and honored I am that anybody did that. One of the pieces has been my computer background for ages. It's not an exaggeration that I cherish every single piece. I honestly don't think I could ever adequately describe how much it means to me.

19) How many WIPs do you currently have?

For Supercorp I have 15+ I do plan on actually posting them in the new year.

20) What's your advice to new fanfic writers?

I would say to write for yourself first and foremost. Sharing your art or your writing or even your head canons or ideas takes a lot of courage. It's scary to put something out there that means so much to you. I'd also advise not to get too hung up on hits/kudos/comments etc. I can't say don't look at them because I'd be a hypocrite but I would say to focus on the journey rather than the destination.

- - - - -

tagging (respectfully and without pressure) @fazedlight @autisticlenaluthor @rustingcat

#ask game #writing #oh this was fun

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rriavian · 1 year

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20 questions for fic writers!

Tagged by @honeyteacakes <3 Ok so some of these answers will be a little odd because I’m still posting some of my work anonymously. Tagging @aisalynn :)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

So with all the anon ones included it's 48

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

465,649

3. What fandoms do you write for?

There are a lot I’m still anon in, but right now it’s mostly the Sandman :)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Baiting the Trap is the only one I can reveal but Deliverance is also very high on the list.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! At first I was far too shy but now I always try to respond to everyone. Sometimes I spend weeks thinking of what to say in response, or just feeling so so happy I want to give an intelligent reply. I just really want to set aside the time to go through and properly reply y’know? But then it’s like a month (or more) later and I feel terrible for not letting this person know how much their words mean to me, but I always try and respond eventually.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I’m not really a fan of ending my fics on angst, there’s a perfectionist part of me that is like ‘that’s not an ending that’s the middle of an arc’. Not that I think all endings need to be happy! I just think that I personally don’t find a resolution in it. Though now I think about it In Silence was pretty open ended, bittersweet but more bitter leaning I think.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably one I’m still anon for, but out of the one’s I’m not I think it’s actually pretty even. I’d say the ending of Deliverance is probably going to be the answer to this question though when I get around to posting it.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully no! I’ve been very lucky to not have received hate

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I am new to smut, but I suppose my kind is the sort that somehow manages to add an improbable amount of plot.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I have not! While I used to absolutely adore reading them I’ve not written any :)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope! Hopefully I never will because it really doesn’t seem pleasant.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! And I don’t think I’ll ever get over it because the first time someone asked it honestly blew my mind.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I’ve co-written outside of fandom, but never co-written a fic within it. I wouldn’t necessarily be opposed—I love collaborating on little scenarios on tumblr, it makes me so happy!—but my writing habits are weird and probably off-putting. The brain writes what it wants, usually out of order, and I’d not want to stress anyone out with how inconsistently I write things.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I’m going to have to be boring and say I don’t have one…but it’s honestly the truth. Corintheus is obviously very very special to me, but it’s a favourite without excluding other favourites. If that makes sense?

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

At the moment nothing :) I may be behind on where I wanted to be but as long as I want to write the fic I will finish it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I’m pretty good at characterisation, and how different characters might interact/conflict with each other. It’s usually easy for me to get into the head of who I’m writing. Maybe also unusual descriptions? I do like making them as vivid as possible, as lyrical and poetic as I want, but I also like to come up with something a bit unexpected.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I struggle with finishing fics sometimes, especially if they are multichaptered. I think within sandman I struggle with certain in universe details of things I don’t know because I haven’t read the comics. I’m not really reading ahead of the show, but there’s some things I will dig into so I have the detail I need.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

If I was going to do it I’d probably try and find a native speaker, or do a ton of research. Not against it by any means but I think it depends on the scenario. I just wouldn’t want a reader to come across me butchering their language and just be completely taken out of the fic haha.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Ooh. Erm. I’m not sure. Sandman is the first I’ve not been anon for :)

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

This is such an evil question because how can I choose? Baiting the Trap is up there for sure (the whole series is really), but there’s also another fic I’m anon for that I love. Deliverance too. My self-indulgent Cat Dream fic. A slow advancing tide has definitely shot to near the top recently. Honestly it might be more apt to say that when I post a fic my general feeling is usually something like ‘this is my favourite fic I’ve ever written’. Though sometimes it’s for prose too. I’ve written paragraphs/lines and been like wow this is my favourite line ever.

#ask game #this was fun!

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fucking-zawa-sensei · 2 years

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It's time for you to realize your relevance has faded

Lmao oh don't worry I realized that years ago, why do you think I'm boosting my old fics? 😂

Humor aside, there's nothing wrong with a writer or creator recirculating their work. I know far too many creators who are burdened with this idea of "relevancy" and the fear that if we stop creating regularly, we'll lose our audience. It's a valid fear, it is indeed what happens anymore in a world where we expect to receive everything immediately, from books to movies to music. You know what it gets you? The consumer? None of those things. It gets you, your favorite artists/writer/musician burning out and taking indefinite breaks because they don't have the time to realize the stories and music and art they want to create and the pressure is too much to keep up with, takes the fun out of the act of creation.

So what can we do to keep people around while we're working on those projects we just can't finish in time to remain trending and popular? Recirculate.

We literally do this all the time outside fandom, with classic books taught for years and years and years in academia, with remasters of video games, remakes of movies, etc. There are people coming into and leaving the fandom every day, a constantly morphing audience looking for new content who haven't had the chance to peruse the archives for us old spirits. Our creations don't stop being worth reading/viewing just because they weren't made last week.

I talked very publicly about struggling with a very long writer's block, about forcing myself to work through it and update Riptide every year because I didn't want to leave readers hanging and I still loved this story and wanted to see it finished. I'm on the other side of that now, but this thing is a behemonth fic and it takes time and it's all I have going for me right now. I don't have the bandwidth to take fic requests or write little 5k fics every week. Doing that was fun and I'm forever grateful for all the fics that came out of that, but it's what drove me into the ground. I should be allowed to share the things I wrote in my "heyday," my "prime," or whatever, with people who haven't yet read it, who may not see it because, yeah, it is like 6 years old now and no one is going to see it popping up on AO3 anytime soon unless they filter to my specific tags and go digging through pages and pages of other content. I'm sure there are huge names in the fandom writing now. I am definitely, 100% a ghost of the past.

Whatever, so I've lost all my relevance because I slowed down. Maybe I'll only get 2 or 3 readers or reblogs now, but that's all I had in the beginning too. I worked my ass off for every reader and I pour everything I have into these stories because I love writing, and bitter little anon hate messages aren't going to make me stop anymore now than it did back when I was getting single digit hits. One reader is all that matters, sharing the story is all that matters. I hope you got what you wanted out of this, anon.

#anon #ask response

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lycanr0t · 3 months

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I think it's really silly and unhelpful to make comparisons between fan artists and fan writers such as trying to determine who gets more interaction and who "has it easier" and who is more appreciated.

Neither has it easier. Btw. It's a useless overly generalized comparison to make that does nothing but put one group down and pit the two groups against each other when we should be uplifting each other.

each have their highs and lows in terms of interaction. This is a fact that will remain true for all of time purely because they are different forms of creation that require viewers to engage with it in different ways.

some artists may get more things such as likes and reblogs/retweets on visual heavy platforms like tumblr and twitter. But there seems to be an attitude among some that artists universally get attention with ease and i promise you thats simply not true. for every artist whose work is popular theres hundreds upon thousands of artists who get absolutely nothing. Just like writers.

writers DO have a hard time on platforms like tumblr. It's hard to convince people to read a whole fic on a website that is designed for and caters to quick casual scrolling. It sucks but that is a reality. You have to understand not every space is catered to every form of creation. Visual art is faster to see, like, and move on from. So naturally in an environment build for that interaction it has a better chance at doing well.

But at least in my experience, writers when they get interaction, are much more likely to get MEANINGFUL interaction.

Artwork I posted just a week ago (or less!) gets next to no notes, maybe some likes. In it's whole lifespan it maybe gets a handful of replies or tags that say one-two word compliments. (I am in no way putting this down. A compliment is a compliment!) meanwhile a fanfic that I wrote literally 10 years ago still will get comments on ao3 describing to me how much they adore it, telling me the specific parts they liked, and taking the time to really TELL me they loved it.

My point being that social media sites like tumblr and twitter are designed for shorter, smaller interaction. Visual art you can easily do that with, but it does tend to lead to less in depth interaction which does leave a lot of artists feeling used and unappreciated. written works DO require people to sit down and take the time to read it, which does mean less people will take that time, but (in my personal experience + what i have observed) the interaction that fics DO get is much more likely to be in depth and thought out.

EDIT:: forgot to add that since fics do often struggle to get interaction started, that also can lead to feeling unappreciated! both groups have instances of feeling this way!!

My experiences are obviously not universal. But that's my point exactly. Each artist, each writer, we all have different experiences with what gets more or less love/interaction. There are so many factors that play into this and no group is to blame here. No group has it better or worse its just different. And it's incredibly silly to point fingers and claim "oh artists have it better" or "oh writers have it better" babes we ALL have it rough.

Creative works across the board are unappreciated and across the board people are busting ass trying to be seen. No site is perfect and not everyone will get huge amounts of interaction. Let's not get so hung up on trying to figure out who is better off and instead put that energy into uplifting everyone.

if you see fanart you like then consider leaving a reply/comment/tags/ask/etc telling the artist exactly what you like about it! try and put effort into making it longer than 1-2 words! sit and really absorb the art!

if you read a fic you like consider sharing it with others! consider rbing or sharing it, leaving a nice comment, like/kudos, send the author an ask telling them you like it!

we ALL can use more appreciation, but understand we are all people also. no one owes anyone interaction, and guilting people into it and playing petty "i have it worse" games is not the way to go.

love others work. do it openly and passionately but do it to your ability. And realize in fandoms NONE of us magically have it easier just because we make a certain type of creation. It's not a competition. Fandoms are communities built on shared passion and mutual sharing, not marketplaces fighting to be the loudest most successful business

#long post #rot posts #WHOOPS! didnt mean for this to be long but i saw some posts that annoyed me abt this (on twt)#and i am just tiredddd of pitting ppl against each other lets all be nicer and realize we all got issues ad struggles #and instead of fighting abt who has it worse lets just all help each other do better #anywaysss.

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phdmama · 11 months

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20 questions for fic writers!

HUGE thank you to @sugareey-makes-stuff @kingsofeverything @xanthippe74 for tagging me in this one!! Sorry it's taken me so long to get to it!!

How many works do you have on AO3?

208! That's not including the large number of Tumblr drabbles I need to post for archival purposes!

2. What's your total AO3 Word Count?

1,066,342 <- which OMG

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I started in 1D (Larry mostly though I've done a couple of threesomes) and then I shifted to HP - I think I've only written main Drarry? I've dabbled a tiny bit in Stucky and I've written one 911 Buddie fic (but I'm working on another one!)

4. What are your top 5 fics by Kudos?

My top one is on that's co-written and has that number of kudos due to the other author, so for the ones that are just mine:

I Like the Way You Move for Me (Drarry)

Feels Like Coming Home (Larry)

Beautiful Madness (Drarry)

Tell Me How You Like It (Drarry - outsider POV)

Is This Love? (Drarry)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I really try but I struggle to keep up with them - not because I get so many comments haha, but I do that "get behind spiral out feel terrible" thing way too often!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't tend to write angst-y endings, because I really need a happy ending but I've got a couple of really short painful things! Unsurprisingly, these are all microfic/vignette sorts of things!

The Ghost of You (Drarry, microfic, post-MCD)

Here Without You (Drarry, vignette, post-breakup)

What's Left Behind (Drarry, vignette, MCD) wow I just reread this one and FUCK ME I AM A MONSTER

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Unhhhh most of them honestly! I will say, I do SOMEtimes VERY RARELY put some pain on the journey to HEA so if I had to guess, I'd say that all of me (loves all of you) (Drarry) is probably my most unabashedly sappy no-angst fluff.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not to my face anyway! I'm sure there are people who don't like my writing but I think they ignore me more than anything! One of the perks of being a very small writer, I think!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Sure do! For kind, I write slash, I guess you'd call it (gay), almost all of it M/M. I have one girl!fic. I don't really write too much kink, I'd say most of what I do is pretty vanilla. Healthy communication is my kink, I guess!

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Ummm off the top of my head, no?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge. I read one fic that was not a plagiarism of my actual work but was literally the exact same plot, the exact same story beats, the exact same setting etc. I am well-aware there's nothing new under the sun but I read it and was like, unhhh. It's one of my greatest fears honestly - accidentally taking someone's fic!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know. I've been approached, but I'm not comfortable with it.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yup! Twice! Both in the Larry fandom. One was with one other writer (who's long gone from fandom as far as I know) and one (Wine Not) I wrote with a big group of people who've become some of my absolute closest friends!

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

I don't have one specific. The ones I write for, I obviously feel very very strongly about, but the bummer for me is that when I'm writing in a particular pair, I don't read anything in that pairing! I also don't read for the ship, but for the story and the writing, so I read in a LOT of different pairings!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Fuck me, so many.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Oof, I'm not sure! I'm not a trained writer by any means. I think I do scene setting pretty well?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Pacing, for sure. It's really hard and I can get bogged down in the "and then THIS happened and then THIS happened and then THIS happened" - I'm so linear, so I have to push myself there.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Generally no. I've sprinkled in a few words here and there, but I wouldn't do much of it, and if I had to, I would 1000% find someone to help me with it and not rely on Google translate.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Larry. Still writing there and kinda following along a bit but I'm not active in that fandom anymore other than the writing.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

I'm not sure I have one fav fic - I'd say I'm really proud of my long (for me) fics! Those are hard for me, and there's a couple that are really really personal. But I have to say, Maybe You're the Difference (Drarry) is one I really like and am really proud of. I worked so so hard on it.

I feel like I'm late on this one, so I'll call this a general tag (FOR REAL I HONESTLY MEAN IT) - if you want to do this, DO IT and tag me!! xox

#my writing #self fic recs

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dreamwatch · 10 months

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you to @occasionaloverboy for the tag!

So I got tagged in one of these before but had barely written anything, but this time I thought ‘fuck it’, I have some words down now.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Zero! Hoping to fix that soon.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

Zero, please see above.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Stranger Things.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Okay, so as before, no kudos. I do have some drabbles over here and the first one got over 500 likes which still boggles my little mind.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! Because holy shit you, a human I do not know, read my stupid little thing and left me a comment and it made me happy.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I’m not counting prompts because they’re all kind of short, vignetty kind of stuff, and I haven’t finished any of my long fic. Off the top off my head, I would say none have terrible endings planned, though one is definitely pushing it. I also am in super duper early stages of planning a Vietnam AU, and I can’t see that having the happiest ending.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Like I say, so far none ended. I think the one that is likely to have the happiest ending is the Steve and Eddie in the 90s one, as it’s kind of a romance I think?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Well so far it’s just been ficlets and drabbles on tumblr and people have been very sweet. I’m a little scared if the prison fic sees the light of day because it’s got heavy shit going on and critical thinking is sorely lacking these days. So… hopefully not?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

So far no. Honestly? I can’t ever even imagine it. And that’s becoming a struggle I’ve recently identified in my WIPs because there’s only so many chaste kisses you can let boys have before someone says ‘bUt wH3n ArE tHeY g0nNa fUCk!?’. In my fics, probably off screen, in the comfort of a bedroom or van and I shall avert my eyes while they do.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nope. Hate ‘em.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I know. Why do people do that? Don’t do that.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. I’m always intrigued by how people write a fic together? If you do that tell me now? I’m curious.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

To quote Miss Erica Sinclair, you really have to ask? Steddie. It will always be Steddie.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Pffft… I mean, all of them? But if I had to pick one, there was one I started and it was my first ever, and it was my take on a recovery fic. And there’s still stuff I like about it, things I had planned for it that I haven’t seen in other similar (aftermath/recovery) stories but I’ve got so caught up with other fics that have a more interesting premise.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I mean… good question, who knows? I’m a contrarian, you show me 100 fics that all do X and I’ll write Y just to spite everyone. More deeply that that, I honestly don’t know.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Oh god so many. I’m ok-ish with dialogue, but shitty with describing what’s going on around it. My pacing isn’t great, I either go into way too much detail or no where near enough. I rarely find the sweet spot. I don’t have the most extensive or imaginative vocabulary, and while I’m not one for overly flowery prose, I would still like the language to be able to communicate imagery and emotion better.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I’ve never done it, I would be worried about it. Nothing more embarrassing than writing an emotional death scene in Icelandic only to be told by a native speaker you ordered three plates of fermented shark.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The A Team, TV not the film. Fuck the film.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Of course none of them are finished, but up until now Like A Stone, aka depressed Eddie gets stuck working in the plant with Wayne and nearly everyone has moved away. It took me by surprise in August and I blasted 30k words in one month, and it’s been left ever since. But I need to pick it up again.

No pressure tags, and also if you’ve already done this sorry!

@cchapsticck @devilyouwere @hbyrde36 @farahsamboolents @thisapplepielife

#20 questions for fic writers

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hylianengineer · 2 years

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Tag 9 people you want to get to know better

tagged by @sarnakhwritesthings

3 ships: I’m not actually that into shipping, but let’s go with... Julian/Garak(DS9), Paul/Hugh(DISCO), um.... I am struggling to think of ships... Kirk/Spock(TOS). Yes I do have a Star Trek problem.

First ever ship: I think it was Will Solace and Nico diAgelo from the Percy Jackson universe. One of my earliest fandoms.

Last song: something on Youtube literally called “Instrumental Metal Hard Rock” that’s an hour and 40 minutes long. This is NOT what I usually listen to - I was trying to knock myself out of a panic so I could get some work done on my final projects. It didn’t work that well, but the music is kind of a banger actually. My last normal song was All I Know by Beth Crowley.

Last Movie: The film version of Fiddler on the Roof. I got kinda bored halfway through and didn’t finish it.

Currently Reading: hah, I haven’t read a real book that’s not for class in... months? Three or four of them maybe? The last book I read was an audiobook of The Galaxy and The Ground Within by Becky Chambers, which is excellent but I still haven’t finished it or even looked at it in several months because I am in college and I’m perpetually exhausted. If fanfic counts, I’ve been making my way through every Star Wars fic whitchry9 on AO3 has ever written.

Currently watching: nothing really, see above. College student, always tired.

Currently consuming: I just ate a chocolate zucchini bar made by my awesome grandmother. It was very tasty.

Currently craving: Nothing food-wise, but I am longing for finals to be over and also the chance to stare off into space for several hours.

Tagging: @sigynpenniman @rubyjean-jacket-blog @annapoofle @burnt-out-stars @starrycardinal @smellofsnoww @feral-cactus @quillsnquotes @fandomnova

#tag game #sarnakh #if anybody i tagged doesn't want to do this feel free to ignore it! no pressure #jules i would tag you but i see sarnakh already has #food tw

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nerdalmighty · 4 months

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I’ve read over your tags multiple times after you reblogged my long fic and I wanted to tell you how lucky I feel to have you as a reader. Those tags alone, as well as your wonderful comments, have brought so much warmth and many smiles to my face. Thank you so so very much. It’s motivated me in ways I cannot explain. ❤️

I'm so so so glad!!!! It's not easy to commit to a huge creative project like a long fic when it's not your full time job, and I admire the hell out of you for how much you've done and how gorgeous it ALWAYS is!!! Writers like you inspire ME to keep writing (even when I'm too shy to post) and I'm having a blast seeing your take on all the characters. I literally went back and reread some chapters the other night because I'm in awe of your ideas and execution (OBSESSED with Astarion biting Tav's soul mark - I'm so used to seeing a soft Astarion, that seeing him struggle with his past in such a violent/hateful/detached way is SO interesting and I love it. Although I do LOVE a soft Astarion and can't wait for him to be even more of a Big Softie for Tav 🥰). I'm especially excited for Astarion's soul mark to be revealed to Tav. I LOVE a soulmate AU!!!! I also have a few ideas about Tav's secret past and can't wait to see how off the mark I probably am lol

I hope you're doing well and that you've still got the creative drive to keep going! I know how tough that can be, but you've got people rooting for you (in an encouraging, not pressuring way)!!!

If you ever need a beta reader or just want to chat about Astarion/anything, I am SO down. Thanks for such a fun fic! I can't wait to see where it goes next :) FOLKS! GO READ LADYDUELLIST'S FIC HERE: Tumblr | Ao3

Summary: When Astarion meets the humble bard, Tav, he soon finds out he's the only one between them that knows they are bound as soulmates through their marks. Deciding it's more trouble than its worth, he refuses to tell her along the course of their journey across Faerûn. But, unbeknownst to him and their companions, Tav is harboring a gruesome secret that she only thought was nothing more than a traumatized period in her life. As they both come to face to face with their pasts and presents, will they choose to move forward or let it consume them? Healing isn’t linear—after all.

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poussacha · 11 months

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Fanfic Game Tag

No one tagged me in this, I just love doing these.

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 89

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 380,184

3. What fandoms do you write for? I have A LOT because I used to take one off requests so I'm only going to name the ones I have more than one fic for.

JONAS

DC's Legends of Tomorrow

Iron Man/Doctor Who Crossover

Iron Man

Doctor Who

Loki

Danny Phantom

Life With Derek

Codename: Kids Next Door

Cody Lyoko

Fullmetal Alchemist

Marvel (Comics)

Mass Effect Triology

Monsters Inc/Frozen Crossover

The Avengers (MCU)

Zoey 101

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

every minute it makes me weaker (Loki (2021) | 9k | E | Lokius)

lightning in a bottle (Cars/Loki | 1k | M | LokiLightning)

coming out of my cage and i've been doing just fine (The Santa Clause/The Santa Clauses | 20k | M | CharlieBernard & CharlieMaria)

i am your shadow (Naruto | 2k | T | ShikaNaru)

As We Know It (Sonny With a Chance | 1k | T | ChadSonny)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Typically I do. I love when people comment on my work, but sometimes I miss stuff! Sometimes I'll go back to update an old fic and I'll see there's like 5 comments I didn't even see and I'm like ???? I'm so sorry! Either that or you comment with a bunch of emojis and I'm like ..... I have no idea how to reply to this, but I love you.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Probably The Way Life Is or one of the Kids Next Door fics, but tbh It COULD be Unfaithful from my JONAS fic days. Eventually, if I ever fucking finish it, it'll be coming out of my cage (sorry everyone who loves that fic and is hoping for a happy ending).

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I guess it's burnin' like a firefly? Or maybe one of my million fics where it ends in a kiss and a love confession?

8. Do you get hate on fics? Yep.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I'm kinda known for it, actually. Haha. I write all kinds of smut, but most of it is F/M with the second highest being MLM, but I think I'm mostly known for my BDSM stuff.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I write a bunch of crossovers. Most of them I don't post, but of the one's I've posted It's probably my Monster's Inc/Frozen or Loki/Cars that people perceive as the craziest, but in all honesty those are all D*sn*y properties, so that's not completely insane.

My Doctor Who/Iron Man one, however....

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Yes, but this was like back in the DeviantART/FFN days. Nothing on AO3. That I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? I think so? I'm not 100% sure. Someone asked if they could do it, but I never checked to see if they actually did it lol.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yeah.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? I don't have an answer for you, but I DO have a spreadsheet where I've tracked all of my reading on AO3 from 2013 to 2022 and I have a graph of the ships I've read most. I'll post the top 5 most read ships from that.

Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson | Stranger Things

Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler | Doctor Who (The closest thing to an OTP I could ever have because I've been reading this ship for YEARS, the only reason Steddie overtook it is because I've been obsessively reading 13/Rose and not 10/Rose for the past few years)

Casey McDonald/Derek Venturi | Life with Derek

Gen (I read a lot of Gen ok, full on friendship, full on familial love)

[Ship Redacted] | MCU

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I've been trying to do a full Star vs. the Forces of Evil rewrite for like 7 fucking years and I cannot get this bitch off the ground. I'm fucking STRUGGLING. But SOMEDAY. SOMEDAY!!!!

16. What are your writing strengths? This was not a thing I was aware I could do.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Never updating anything ever, never finishing anything, never being able to sit down and write, procrastination, bailing on scenes when I need to sit in it more, not being able to keep tense for more than a fucking page, not being able to keep someone in character to save my life

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Considering I'm bilingual and read fic in both French and English, I'mma go with 100% yes. That and I read novels where a lot of the dialogue is in Spanish (and not translated, and I don't speak Spanish at all, I just adore the storytelling of hispanic & latinx authors) so. Why wouldn't I be on board for fanfiction doing that?

19. First fandom you wrote for? It was probably Codename: Kids Next Door (but there's a very real possibility it was Sailor Moon)

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? Probably coming out of my cage because that fic is so personal to my own queer journey, or what are you after (some kind of disaster) because it's personal to my trans identity.

I know more people probably think it's my Lokius fic (every minute it makes me weaker) because it's the one that has the most views/attention, but I wrote that fic because I had an idea for it. Some of the writing in there is the best I've ever done, but I don't have any real love for the work. It's good on paper, but I don't feel an emotional connection to it the same way I do coming out of my cage, what are you after, or even be kind and curious in all things.)

Or maybe you think it's the Doctor Who/Iron Man crossover I've been writing for going on...what 7 years now? I love that fic, but it isn't my favourite. It has a lot of flaws I should've fixed, but didn't. Even on the second upload. I took away voices from characters I should've given a bigger platform and I have to live with that.

You can always tell the stories I love the most because I drag my feet on finishing them. I don't have the ability to just write them and post them the same way I do works I don't have an emotional connection to.

coming out of my cage will always be that for me. When I finish it I'm going to be both relieved and ruined.

#fanfiction #my fanfiction #my fics #about me #about talls #fics

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quiet-admirer · 3 years

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I've been thinking about how almost all the feedism fiction I've read involves one or more people discovering they're into weight gain/feedism, and then this often leads to the main character giving a sort of "rationale" of why they're into what they're into. Sometimes the characters even explicitly have a conversation together about why they think they're into what they're into.

I wish, though, that there was more variety - more narratives where we don't have to have the characters picking their interests apart or explaining why feedism is nice and hot and whatever and just get to the ~juicy~ bits. Especially since it seems like the majority of us irl knew we were into this stuff from a young age.

I think it can lead us to much more interesting places in our writing, too. With something like weight gain fiction, the whole point is pretty much "starts off at initial weight, gains weight until goal weight", so the easiest way to write it is, "they started at a smaller size before they realized they were into feedism, then they realized they were into feedism, then they gained weight".

Adding more variety to this formula raises the question of how do you write a story with tension and resolution and all that when you're not starting from "the beginning"? And how do you do this with a subject where the beginning-to-end contrast is kinda the point? I just think it would be cool to approach feedism and weight gain narratives from directions other than starting at "beginnings" like kink discovery, thinness, and explaining and justifying the main character's pleasure.

One area I've seen people succeed with this is in fantasy writing, where you can start with worlds or cultures where feedism and/or weight gain is the norm, a widely accepted practice, or even expected or required. It would be awesome to see it more in realistic fiction/modern settings, too, though, just to see how different writers might approach this in different ways.

I don't have solutions or prompts or anything, I just think we deserve more than the tired formula relying on the characters' insecurity about their pleasure and/or going from thin to fat to create the tension in the narrative. And also needing to sit through implicit explanations of feedism instead of assuming your audience is here for the feedism and gets the appeal already.

I know it's just self-indulgent fiction and all that, but our community has been around online for a good long time now and it's time to step up our game!!

#There's nothing inherently wrong with these kinds of stories its just that that's almost the only kind of story we get #this is mainly in the fanfiction side of things tho so maybe it's different in the non-fandom fics #But i struggle with reading fic off ao3 because nothing is tagged and i am Extremely picky lol...#feedism meta #wg text #qu/ad #long post

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sexhaver · 3 years

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Ao3 stans and the way they react to complaints about their favorite site hosting pedo/rape fics have always bugged/baffled me in a specific way i struggled to put my finger on until seeing this excerpt from a post written by one of them:

like yeah that really explains everything doesn't it? they really view a website hosting smut fics about underage characters as a situation where the person to blame is not the pedo author or the site hosting their work, but the person who reads it, because they ignored tags warning them about pedophilia.

the same tags that are there primarily so actual pedos can find the fic and jerk off to it.

the same tags that Ao3 could use to very easily remove the content people have been condemning them for over the last decade+, but don't, because pedos keep donating way too much money to them every year censorship is bad.

in the Ao3 stan's worldview, someone holding up a sign saying "I AM A PEDOPHILE" is doing nothing wrong, nor is anyone giving them a platform. rather, it's the viewer's fault, because if nobody saw them, then it wouldn't be a problem. i don't want to come right out and call this victim-blaming, but, like,

this also makes me wonder if Ao3 stans are being deliberately obtuse or are actually this stupid. like, they have to know that most of the complaints about the site's content are referring to pedophilia and rape smut, not "unpopular ships", right? because the excerpt above is really obviously bad if applied to either of those topics, which makes me think the person writing them is genuinely operating in a worldview where nobody complains about them. but you can clearly see how popular those tags are so like. what the hell

#first person to bring up lolita wins a free block

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spencers-renaissance · 3 years

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i can't forgive me & you can't forget

Summary: Spencer is happy that his boyfriend is as compassionate as he is, but watching Derek do everything he can to help Strauss with her alcoholism when he stood by and did nothing back when he was struggling with his dilaudid addiction is beginning to take its toll.

Tags: hurt!spencer, miscommunication, angst, insecurity, est. rel., hurt/comfort, cuddling & snuggling, angst w a happy ending, fluff TW: referenced past drug use, addiction, and overdose, implied/referenced alcoholism

Pairing: Derek Morgan x Spencer Reid

Word Count: 4.5k

Masterlist // Read on AO3 // The other fic in this universe

Inspired by @marisatomay’s post here!!! The title is from the second part of the poem Betrayal by Lang Leav.

It’s pushing ten pm by the time Spencer finally hears the front door open and close with a soft click, hears the rustling of Derek ditching his leather jacket on the crowded coat rack and toeing off his shoes — no doubt placing them neatly at the side of the hall like he always does — and listens to his footsteps as he nears the bedroom where Spencer’s been holed up since Derek left.

“Hey, baby boy,” Derek says with a warm, relaxed smile, his fingers already working on undoing his shirt buttons, before digging through their wardrobe to find a more comfortable top.

“Hey.”

Spencer watches him with tired eyes. He’s been feeling as hurt and despondent as he does this evening for weeks now, but tonight is the first time he doesn’t have the energy to hide it. He’s spent the entire afternoon in bed, and he’s certain it shows in the imprints of the creased pillowcase on his cheek and his messed up hair, and where just a couple of days ago he’d rush to hide those tells, he simply doesn’t care enough anymore.

Derek turns around from the wardrobe and shrugs off his shirt, replacing it with a soft blue t-shirt Spencer’s always liked on him. “Have you had anything to eat yet?”

Spencer shakes his head. Derek undoes his belt and switches his trousers for a pair of grey sweatpants before walking over to the bed and climbing onto the mattress, grinning cheekily as he rolls over Spencer’s body and leans down to press a tender kiss to the tip of his nose.

It’s sweet and romantic and so painfully normal, and maybe that’s exactly why he suddenly finds himself swallowing back tears. He’s hardly spent any time with Derek outside of work in weeks and he’s hurt and sad and struggling, and it’s only making it worse that his loving and attentive boyfriend hasn’t seemed to notice. Really, Spencer knows he needs to communicate, and that a significant part of his pain is his responsibility, but the shame—

“Well that just won’t do,” Derek murmurs, interrupting his thoughts as he brushes his fingers over a lock of curly hair resting on Spencer’s temple. “I’ll go and make you something. Or we can order in? What do you fancy?”

Spencer shrugs, looking away. He’s not trying to be difficult, it’s just incredibly hard to think about food and a relaxing night in with your partner when you feel like your insides are splintering and you’re just barely holding yourself together.

Even without looking directly at his face, Spencer can see Derek’s brow furrow and his happy expression fade, and soon enough Derek’s fingers are at his chin, gently moving his head until he’s looking at him again. “Hey, pretty boy,” he says gently, looking so concerned it makes his chest ache, “what’s wrong? Tell me what’s going on in that big old head of yours.”

So much of him wants to give in and tell him everything, wants to spill his fears and his anxieties and his anger and his shame onto the sheets of their bed and lay it all out for him. He wants to shout, “See? This is who I am! This is all my mess and my pain and my regret! Look at it!”

But he can’t. He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment before opening them again to meet the swirling worry in Derek’s deep, beautiful brown eyes and he wills himself not to cry. “Nothing,” he lies. “I’m just tired. Hungry.”

He knows Derek doesn’t believe him, but there isn’t much he can do if Spencer isn’t willing to communicate, so he nods reluctantly and leans down to place a kiss on his forehead this time, lingering there for a moment longer than he usually does. The feeling of his boyfriend hovering over him and asking him what’s wrong and kissing him so tenderly is all Spencer’s craved for weeks, but now it’s here, he still feels sad and empty and hollowed out by shame and bitterness, desperate for something more without so much as an idea as to what exactly more might entail.

“I tell you what, I’ll go make you some tortellini, alright? There’s a pack in the fridge and it only takes a couple of minutes so I’ll be back before you know it,” Derek promises, and Spencer can’t decide if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Regardless, Derek hops off the bed and heads out to the kitchen, leaving Spencer alone in the softly lit bedroom. He pulls the duvet further up to his chin and buries his face in it, the soft fabric gentle on his skin, and the comforting scent of Spencer’s shampoo mingling with Derek’s cologne settling him slightly.

Derek had spent the afternoon with Strauss at the rehab centre. And not for the first time.

The problem is, how can Spencer be mad at him for that? Really, it’s the epitome of his character: genuine, constant, unconditional compassion for everyone around him, no matter who they are or what his history with them might be. Of course he’d see Strauss struggling with her addiction and swoop right in, getting her settled in at the centre and spending hours with her on visiting days, fighting alongside Hotch to persuade the director to let her keep her job.

But watching him leave every week, watching him text her encouraging messages, hearing him talk about her progress and recovery… it strikes a nerve deep inside Spencer. He isn’t proud of how he feels. He knows it’s petty and illogical, but he can’t help it.

Because somewhere deep in his soul, an old version of himself, a sad, lonely, scared, addicted-to-dilaudid boy is crying out, why didn’t you do that for me?

It’s that question that really plagues him. They’re called into work the next day for a fairly interesting case in North Dakota, and there are some fairly strong links to the world of academia, so usually, Spencer would be all over it, reeling off facts and statistics and reaching out to his contacts to further the case. But for some reason, he just can’t get his head in the game.

He finds himself zoning out on the jet and wandering off at crime scenes without even knowing where he’s going. Initially, his team had assumed that he was thinking, or was going somewhere deliberately that might help them with the case, they’d all counted on Doctor Reid to come up with some brilliant theory to bring them closer to catching their unsub.

But Hotch had quickly realised that his head was somewhere else and kept him close to his side from then on. At least staying at the police station with Hotch and being tasked with reading through the unsub’s literary work and constructing a geographical profile both gives him something specific to focus on, and — as much as Spencer hates to admit it — keeps him away from Derek.

“You want to tell me what’s going on?” Hotch asks gently when they both find themselves at the coffee pot in the late afternoon. He doesn’t look over at him, his eyes focused on the stream of coffee and creamer headed straight for his mug. Spencer knows it’s a tactic to make him feel less ambushed and more relaxed, but that doesn’t stop it from working.

“No,” he says honestly.

Hotch nods in acceptance. He puts a warm hand on his shoulder and squeezes briefly. “Well, you know where I am if you change your mind.”

Both JJ and Emily eye him suspiciously throughout the case as well, but no one is more confused and concerned than Derek. Spencer tries not to think about the irony.

“Baby, what’s got you all distracted like this?” Derek asks softly when they’re finally alone in their room that night, full up from the rushed dinner they’d all had in the lobby before crawling to their rooms for a couple of hours’ sleep before the manhunt continues in the morning. “This is so unlike you and you know it.”

Spencer doesn’t reply, just continues quietly changing into his pajamas before brushing his teeth and washing his face. Derek’s still sitting in the same position when he comes out, looking frustrated and contemplative, and Spencer feels guilty for making him feel this way, but he just doesn’t know what to do. He can’t act like everything's okay because it isn’t, and he’s tired himself out from pretending that it was for weeks, now. But he can’t tell him what’s going on either.

The thing is, how is Spencer supposed to admit that he’s still hurt over something that happened almost five years ago now? And how is he supposed to admit that Derek doing the right thing is only reopening wounds he’d tried so hard to heal and close? That both Derek and Hotch had specifically helped him heal and close?

He doesn’t know how to verbalise his feelings without sounding petulant or pathetic, so he doesn’t. He keeps them buried deep inside him and hopes desperately that no one comes digging.

“I’m fine, Derek,” he lies again, leaning down to kiss him gently before rounding the bed and crawling under the covers. “Just having an off day, I guess.”

Derek sighs but doesn’t push any further, clearly knowing a lost cause when he sees one. Instead, he follows in Spencer’s footsteps and gets ready for bed silently, whispering a quiet good night before switching off the lamp and climbing into bed on the other side.

It feels like the expanse of white sheet between them goes on for miles.

It’s the first time Spencer’s regretted Hotch’s decision to continue letting them share a room.

The question continues to plague him over the next week. He gets marginally better at pretending he’s not falling apart at the seams, and it’s enough to make almost everyone back off, but Hotch is still concerned and Derek is still confused, and he can feel himself drifting further away from the team each day, as though his rope tying him to the others has been cut, and now the current is having its way with him.

Nothing much changes. He continues in his hurt and lonely quietude, and Derek continues to ask what’s wrong, sighing sadly when he gets nothing out of him, and they exist in tandem.

It had always felt — ever since the beginning of their relationship — as though their relationship was a salsa dance. They were tangled in one another’s lives, both physically and emotionally, and they existed in this relaxed kind of ease that Spencer’s only ever seen before in long-term relationships. They’d fallen into a lucky, easy kind of love, and it was never as much work as everyone had promised him a relationship would be.

They’ve been together for four years, and their worst fight was over whether the cheese grater went in the cupboard next to the sink or above it. (Granted, it had spiraled into some other disagreements that came along with cohabitation, but. Still.)

Spencer knows he’s introducing a dynamic they’re unused to, and he hates it. Guilt plagues him, mingling with his shame and sadness until he’s drowning under the weight of it, no way to claw himself to the surface to take a breath.

They exist on parallel lines: next to one another; yet never crossing over. Their relationship is no longer a salsa dance.

The next off-day they have, Derek can’t get out the door fast enough. “I’m off to visit Erin,” he tells Spencer, and it still makes him irrationally angry that he’s stopped calling her Strauss and now refers to her like a friend.

Is it better that Strauss is now Derek’s friend? Him helping someone he actually cares about makes him not caring about Spencer all those years again slightly less of a gut-punch, he supposes. But the fact that Derek and Strauss of all people are becoming closer while he and Spencer drift apart hurts in a way he can’t even begin to explain.

This time, he spends the entire day crying. Every time the tears slow down and he catches his breath, another wave of grief and pain and anxiety and shame and jealousy crashes over him, and all of a sudden he can’t breathe again. It’s an exhausting cycle, and by the early afternoon his stomach muscles are aching and his ribs feel bruised.

It’s also the first day he gets a craving.

He’s an addict, right, he’s had periods of intermittent cravings over the years, that’s completely normal. Sometimes, even thinking about it in passing is enough for the itch to come back, to whisper the number of his old dealer in his ear, to recall in both his physical and mental memory the feeling that came with each press of the syringe.

This is the most intense one since his withdrawal immediately after waking up in hospital following his accidental overdose in his parking garage. It’s so intense that it scares him.

Crying harder than he thought it possible, he fumbles for his phone on the nightstand and — fighting the temptation to type in the digits of his dealer — he dials the number he’s had memorised since he was nineteen. He can’t speak through his gut-wrenching sobs, but he knows the sound of him crying this hard will be enough, so he lies in bed and continues his pity party until he hears the front door swing open and the rapid steps through the hall.

Soon enough, Hotch is pulling him into his arms and he finally feels a little less alone.

Hotch lets him cry himself out, and only when his tears have dried up and the hiccups have subsided does he say anything besides the reassuring murmurs he’d spoken into Spencer’s ears as he cried.

“Spencer,” he says — somewhat desperately — “please. You have to tell me what’s going on. Let me help you, okay? Whatever it is, I’m here. I won’t let you suffer on your own anymore, I promise.”

Spencer doesn’t raise his head from its position buried in Hotch’s t-shirt, but he does finally say something. He doesn’t know what overrides the shame that’s kept him quiet — maybe it’s the exhaustion or the loneliness finally winning out — but whatever it is, he’s glad it does.

“I had a craving today,” he whispers, because it seems like a good place to start. “Haven’t been feeling good since, uh. Since… Strauss.”

It’s hopelessly phrased, but it’s the best way he can explain it and Hotch, being the miracle profiler and father figure of Spencer Reid, figures it out instantly.

He feels the way he slumps slightly, hears the tired, frustrated sigh, and knows he’s probably beating himself up for not figuring it out sooner.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I just… I couldn’t. I didn’t know how.”

Hotch shushes him. “You don’t need to apologise for that, Spencer, don’t be sorry. I’m the one who should be sorry for being so blind, and I am. I hate that you’ve been suffering like this and we’ve all been too stupid to realise why.”

“It still, it still hurts,” he says quietly, sadly, regretfully, “it still hurts that no one helped me until it was almost too late. But everyone dropped everything to help Strauss— I’m sorry, it’s so selfish, I shouldn’t be—”

“Hey, Spence,” Hotch interrupts him, caressing his arm gently. “It isn’t selfish. It’s human. And you’re right, we should have helped you sooner and it’s always been my greatest regret that we didn’t, and that because of that dereliction of duty, we almost lost you.”

“I’m not, I’m not trying to make you feel guilty or anything—”

“Spencer, I know that. But you need to stop feeling guilty for how you feel, alright? It makes complete sense that this is bringing up both the feelings of rejection and betrayal, and also cravings for the drug you were addicted to at the time. It’s so obvious that I don’t know how I didn’t see it earlier.”

Spencer nods, but he doesn’t say anything for a couple of minutes. “Derek’s been visiting Strauss on our days off,” he admits quietly. “I’ve barely seen him for almost a month now, and that— it isn’t helping.”

“I can understand that. Have you talked to him about any of this?” he asks, even though Spencer’s sure Hotch already knows the answer.

He shakes his head.

“I know it’s hard, Spence, I really do, but I think you need to talk to him. Obviously, it would’ve been better if both he and I had figured it out without you having to tell us, but clearly, he isn’t going to realise by himself. I know that as soon as you explain it, he’ll understand completely.”

Spencer sighs. Some part of him had known this was coming, he just didn’t know how it would come about. He wouldn’t have put money on Hotch being involved, but maybe he should have done. He always seems to come to Spencer’s rescue.

“He’ll probably be out for a while. He usually stays out for hours when he goes to visit her.”

“Well, how about I stay until he comes home, and then you can talk to him? How does that sound?”

Spencer looks up at him. “What about Jack?”

“He’s out with a friend and their family anyway,” Hotch reassures him, smiling as he runs a hand down his arm. “Now how about I make you some tea and we go and sit on the sofa?”

Spencer reluctantly agrees and moves from the safety of his bed to the comfort of his sofa, but he has to admit that the light streaming in from the big bay window and the feeling of sitting up makes him feel just a little better straight away. Once Hotch is back and placing a cup of chamomile tea into his hands, he doesn’t feel quite so much like he’s going to burst into tears at any moment.

“I have to ask, Spencer,” Hotch says carefully, “did you buy any dilaudid? Or attempt to contact your dealer?”

“Thought about it,” he admits, not meeting Hotch’s concerned eyes, “but I didn’t.”

Hotch relaxes. “Good. I’m proud of you, you know.”

Spencer looks at him with a hesitant smile that only grows when Hotch beams back.

They spend the afternoon watching nature documentaries — and Spencer admittedly dozes through a lot of them, exhausted from the burden of carrying so much pain around and the physical exertion of crying so hard — until Derek comes home at just gone five thirty.

“Hotch?” he asks, confused, and his voice wakes Spencer up from one of his unintentional naps.

He scrambles to sit upright, going inexplicably red at the thought of what he knows is coming. For some reason, he feels like he’s done something wrong and he’s about to be told off. He hates that this is what his relationship with Derek has come to.

“Hi, Derek,” Hotch says, squeezing Spencer’s ankle and getting up from the sofa. “Spencer asked me to come over earlier” — which is a bit of a stretch when really Spencer sobbed into the phone until Hotch showed up — “and I was just keeping him company until you came home.”

Derek’s eyebrows only furrow further, looking between them, confused. “Right.”

“Spencer,” Hotch says, meeting his eyes, “are you okay if I go now? You’ll tell Derek what we talked about?”

Immediately, Spencer blushes red as Derek’s scrutinising eyes fixate on him, but he nods and smiles weakly at Hotch, following him with his eyes as he lets himself out, if just to avoid meeting Derek’s.

“Pretty boy?” Derek says cautiously, slowly taking off his jacket and approaching the sofa like Spencer’s a wild animal liable to be spooked away at any given moment. He supposes it’s probably quite a good analogy, actually.

Spencer shifts nervously in his seat, moving his legs out of the way to give Derek more room to sit down on the sofa.

“You finally gonna tell me what’s been up with you these last few weeks?” Derek asks, and Spencer isn’t oblivious to the hope in his voice. “I’ve been worried about you, baby.”

Spencer nods and closes his eyes for a moment, taking a couple of deep breaths to compose himself. He’s told one person, and it went fine— it went well, actually. Derek is his life partner, his soulmate, and they tell each other everything. He just needs to start at the beginning. He needs to tell him all of the disclaimers, remind him that he’s not angry at him for doing the right thing or for being the compassionate person he is, he just needs to— He needs to focus, and he needs to tell the truth.

“I called Hotch earlier because I was scared of myself,” he says, finally opening his eyes and looking into Derek’s. “I was having some of the most intense cravings I’ve had since being sober, and I was seriously considering calling my dealer, but I managed to call Hotch instead, and we talked about how I’ve been feeling.”

“Baby, I’m so sorry I wasn’t here,” Derek says regretfully, his face melting into the very picture of apologetic as he scoots a bit closer on the sofa so he can grab Spencer’s legs and pull them over his lap.

“I know,” Spencer replies, ignoring for now that him not being here is why they have a problem in the first place. He moves on. “I’ve been… struggling… over the last month or so with feelings that I haven’t really known how to rationalise or explain, and when I finally did make sense of them, I felt that I couldn’t share them with anyone, which is why I’ve been so distant and private. And I’m sorry for that, by the way.”

Derek just smiles, caressing his bare ankle with one hand as he rests his other over his shin.

He pauses for a moment, trying to find the best way to word his thoughts, but before he can think about it too hard, the words come spilling out, unbidden. “I’ve found it hard to reconcile your attentiveness and willingness to throw everything at helping Strauss, and the way no-one helped me with my addiction back in 2007.”

Derek’s face instantly falls, and saying the words out loud brings all the emotions he’d managed to control back again in full force, and suddenly his face is crumpling, too. Derek surges forward, moving them both until he’s situated between the sofa cushions and Spencer, cuddling him as close as he can while Spencer cries into his chest.

“I’m so sorry, baby, I’m so sorry,” he whispers, voice breaking as he begins to cry as well. “I’m sorry I didn’t do anything then and I’m sorry I didn’t put two and two together to realise why you were struggling so much. I can’t believe I was so oblivious, Spence, oh God.”

They lie there for a long time, crying together as Derek runs his hands through Spencer’s hair and Spencer clings desperately to the fabric of Derek’s t-shirt.

“I was just feeling so distant from you because we weren’t spending as much time together, and I had no idea how to admit that I was feeling hurt about something that happened almost five years ago,” he continues when they’ve both calmed down again, and they’re ready to resume the conversation. “I guess I just felt… ashamed of both my feelings now and being jealous, which is so ridiculous, I had no idea how to tell anyone how I was feeling. And I’m so sorry that my lack of communication affected us so much.”

“Oh, baby,” Derek sighs, leaning in to press a kiss to Spencer’s lips. “You don’t need to be sorry. I’m sorry that I was hurting you when I should’ve known the effect my actions would have. This whole mess is on me for so many reasons.”

“Der, I don’t want you to feel guilty,” Spencer says insistently, urgently, looking at him imploringly. “You’ve apologised enough for what happened back then, and there’s no way we can change what happened. You were just being the same kind and compassionate person you always are when you were helping Strauss.” He reaches out and cups Derek’s face gently, hating the tells of guilt and self-loathing he can see all over it.

Derek sighs and moves Spencer’s hand to his lips so he can kiss his palm. “When I was sitting in that hospital room waiting for you to wake up,” he explains, “I made a promise to myself. I told myself that I would never let anyone down like that again. I was never going to stand back and watch anyone else I knew fall into the same trap you did. So when I realised Strauss had a drinking problem, all I saw was an opportunity to keep that promise.

“The only problem was that I was so wrapped up in doing the right thing in helping her that I wasn’t doing the right thing by you. I should’ve realised all the feelings, physical and emotional, that this would bring up for you, but I didn’t think. I’m so sorry, baby boy, I really am.”

Spencer cuddles back into Derek, burying his face in the juncture between his neck and shoulder and relaxing into the reassuring scent of his person. “I know, Der. I forgive you.”

“How about we order in some Thai for dinner from your favourite restaurant and watch some Doctor Who?” Derek suggests after a couple of minutes of silence. “I think we’re long overdue for some quality time together.”

Spencer smiles at him, feeling so much of the heaviness that’s been weighing him down over the last few weeks lift that he feels almost like he’s floating. “I think that sounds like a plan.”

They set the living room up to be as cosy as possible, lighting the candles Penelope had made for them and using only their soft lamps to light the room, before piling the couch high with blankets and pillows until they’re cuddled together in a little nest.

The evening is spent eating their favourite food and watching their favourite season of Doctor Who, and while Spencer’s still hurting and they still have healing to do, this feels like a damn good start.

“I’m proud of you,” Spencer whispers to Derek late into the night, when they’re close to falling asleep in the comfort of their blanket pile.

Derek turns to him, looking confused. “What do you mean?”

“You made a mistake when you let things get bad with my addiction back in 2007,” Spencer explains, “and when you saw someone headed down the same path, you stopped at nothing to make sure you didn’t make that mistake again. If anything shows me how much you regret not doing anything sooner, it’s your devotion to Strauss’ recovery.”

Derek smiles at him, his eyes a little watery, and holds his chin gently as he leans in to kiss him. “I love you,” he murmurs. “I love you so much.”

Spencer kisses him again before cuddling back into his side. “I know you do, Derek. And I love you, too.”

And really, when it comes down to it, that’s enough.

Ahhh, this was the first fic in forever that actually felt fairly easy to write thank GOD. I loved this concept and writing that good, good angst was so much fun. Plus, we always love a happy ending in this house! Also, a reminder that how other people when you confront them with the way they hurt you or made you feel is not your responsibility.

taglist: @criminalmindsvibez @lesbiantodds @suburban--gothic @strippersenseii @takeyourleap-of-faith @negativefouriq @makaylajadewrites @iamrenstark @livrere-blue @hotchseyebrows @enbyspencer @reidology @transhanniballecter @spencerspecifics @bau-gremlin @hotchedyke @tobias-hankel @hotchscotchh @marsjareau @oliverbrnch @im-autistic @anxious-enby @kuolonsyoja @reidreids @ropoto @thosecriminalminds @wifeyprentiss @cmily @love-pyramus @notevanbuckley @thebipolarbisexualnerd (add yourself to my taglist here!)

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calltomuster · 3 years

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Star Wars Fic Recs Part the Fourth

[first fic rec list] [second fic rec list] [third fic rec list]

Been a few weeks since I've done one of these and I've read/reread some great fics recently so let me share them with you now!

And I Fear Nothing by @maiseey (Obi-Wan/Cody, WIP, 11/? chapters, 43.4k words) Picture this: I am sitting in the parking lot of my local grocery store, having just bought a load of perishables. I get the email that And I Fear Nothing has just been updated. What do I do: run home to preserve the food I just paid for, or sit in my car and read the new chapter right away? The answer is obvious, of course! That is exactly the situation I found myself in last week when chapter 11 dropped and I did in fact choose to read it in spite of my groceries, that's how much I love this fic. In this fic, Obi-Wan and Cody are raising Luke and Leia together on Tatooine, and they've got so much trauma, and new + old wounds, and love for each other and the children they're raising that it both warms your heart and tears it apart. But that's not all, this fic expands beyond just the small home in the middle of the Jundland Wastes and explores Ahsoka and Rex and their journey to de-chip as many clones as possible. I love this fic because it doesn't shy away from hard conversations, but it does it in a way that makes you want to cry and give everyone involved a hug. Plus, there are some fantastic minor clone characters that you will 100% want to die for by the time you finish reading. Cannot recommend this fic enough.

Obligate by @communistkenobi (gen, one-shot, 23.9k words, Obi-Wan & Anakin & Ahsoka) Just when you thought the Deception arc didn't have enough pain, this AU sees Anakin fake his death instead of Obi-Wan! My heart is physically ripped out of my chest just thinking about this fic, so imagine what it'd do to you actually reading it. Anything @communistkenobi writes is so well-done and I've gone through his works list on AO3 multiple times, but somehow I missed this when it was first posted and it was like a wonderfully delightful surprise when I ran into it the other day. So, so good. Highly recommend!

Moirai by damonkey (gen, WIP, 4/? chapters, 9.2k words, Obi-Wan & Qui-Gon) All I can really say about this fic without giving anything away is that it's a Phantom Menace AU and it's so intriguing. The author is very deliberate in having a vague summary and only tagging as the story progresses, so I truly have no idea what's ahead of me but it's so -- as I said -- intriguing that I'm happy to strap into the ride. Ahhhh I'm skimming through the fic and there are so many things I want to mention but I don't want to give anything away!

Almost Home by @frunbuns (gen, one-shot, 5.2k words, Obi-Wan & Anakin) You know, every time I recc a Modern AU I'm like "I don't usually like Modern AUs but..." and then proceed to gush over the fic. I went and checked and I've recced a Modern AU on almost every fic rec list I've made! Maybe I do like Modern AUs?? Or maybe the fics are just that good -- and this fic is definitely that good. In this fic, the first of a planned series of fics set in a modern Star Wars universe, Obi-Wan is reeling from the loss of his adoptive father Qui-Gon and has to care for a young Anakin. Ooooooof. Definitely hits you right in the feels, this one. Love the non-chronological storytelling too!

Naked and Not Paid by biscuitlevitation (Obi-Wan/212th Attack Battalion, WIP, 6/? chapters, 14.9k words) This fic is essentially ~15k words of the clones thirsting over Obi-Wan and it is the funniest thing I have read all year. I'm not kidding, I just read the last chapter which features space-church-lady!Anakin and I laughed so hard I cried. I'm cracking up just thinking about it. I promise you will have a good time reading this fic. And if the tag "Obi-Wan Kenobi/212th Attack Battalion" puts you off, let me just say there's no sex in this at all, it's just thirst. And it's hilarious.

Full Disclosure by @trixree (Obi-Wan/Cody, WIP, 2/3 chapters, 7.4k words) ROTS AU in which the Force bonds Obi-Wan has formed with a few members of the 212th save them from the chip and Order 66, but it doesn't stop the devastation from happening on a mass scale and they all have to try and deal with Mustafar and Luke and Leia. This fic manages to be both extremely soft and extremely gut-wrenching at the same time, and I wish I could leave more kudos. Full disclosure (get it, little pun there for ya), I will be dying until the final chapter comes out. Time to go listen to Olivia Rodrigo and reread this fic and just live in my feels.

Thirteen Days by @ewanmcgregorismyhomeboy12 (gen, one-shot, 4.1k words, Obi-Wan & Anakin) Post-Zygerria arc, Anakin dresses an unconscious Obi-Wan's injuries and struggles. Ahhhh this fic is one of my favorite Zygerria arc fics, and given that that's my favorite arc, that's saying a lot! Obi-Wan doesn't say a word in this fic, but his presence is very much there, if you know what I mean. And the descriptions of injuries here are pretty graphic at times, but it's so good that you'll want to keep reading even if you have to do it through the fingers covering your eyes.

brother, let me be your shelter by @kenobilovebot (gen, one-shot, 1.6k words, Obi-Wan & Anakin) This fic packs so much tenderness in a short amount of words. It covers an AU in which Obi-Wan's issues from Zigoola never really resolve, and Anakin finds out when -- well, you'll just have to read for yourself. I love Zigoola because it is such an excellent whumpfest for poor Obi-Wan and this fic is great for that, but also highlights Anakin and Obi-Wan's relationship.

A Padawan At War (Again) series by @itstimeforstarwars (gen, 3 parts, 100k words, Obi-Wan & Anakin) In this series, Obi-Wan and Anakin are transported from The Phantom Menace into the Clone Wars and have to deal with all that comes with it: fighting wars, discovering a Padawan you never knew you had, dueling your grandmaster who apparently is a Sith Lord now(?!) and all the rest. This series is a great ride, and I look forward to every update. Note: the first fic in this series is a one-shot that was expanded upon, and it drops you in media res. The second fic is a prequel that shows how they got to that point, and the third fic is the sequel that shows what comes after.

The Desert Storm series by @blue-sunshine-mauve-morning (complete, 24 parts, 1.144 million words) There has never been a better time to start reading this series. If you read Star Wars fics on AO3, then you've definitely seen the Desert Storm series before, but maybe you were daunted by the high word count, or felt like it would be too much effort to go all the way to the beginning of a series but couldn't just jump in halfway. Let me tell you, it's 100% worth it, and now is the perfect time to read this series if you haven't already. This series is complete, but it turns out it's all just Act 1 of the larger story, which will continue in the Rise and Fall series. @blue-sunshine-mauve-morning is taking a break right now before starting the next series, so you have ample time to get caught up, and YOU REALLY SHOULD. Let me tell you, this series had me on the edge of my seat more than any other piece of media I can remember. With the most recent chapters, where everything that has been building for a million words came to a head, I would get so worked up after each chapter that beforehand I would have to queue up calming things to watch afterwards, and it still wouldn't be enough and I'd be too full of feelings to get anything done the rest of the day. Seriously, this series is amazing. And if you HAVE read it before but haven't reread, now is the perfect time for that as well. I've reread this series multiple times and it's so rewarding because the author sprinkled in so many hints as to what will come that you only understand the second (or third) time around. I know I've written a lot for this rec but this is a long series and it deserves it. Go read! Now!

If you like any of these fics, please consider reblogging so they can get more exposure! And if you noticed I missed someone’s Tumblr account, or linked the wrong one, please let me know!

#star wars #fic recs #obi-wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #ahsoka tano #commander cody #qui-gon jinn #commander rex #jedi order #sw tcw

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blue-pastel-cat · 3 years

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Xiaobedo Fanfic Recommendation

Welcome to my personal “if you are new to xiaobedo peeps please read these” list. As said before this is my personal list so please feel free to reblog/comment/hit me for not including any gem here. I might miss a lot of them because I am drunk or blind. (mostly have them on my to read and then forgot as I am being assault by real life shit).

I would like to say first that so far there are 150+ Xiaobedo fics on Ao3. I can’t review all of them but I can say that I have read a majority of them. Most of them are just pure love and I would like nothing more than a thousands thank you for all the fic writers who spent their free time writting these gems for us to read for free. But these...these takes the cake as it finds a special landing spot in my heart that I would just thrust them into someone’s hand if they say “I am new to this ship can you recommend me?”

1. Orange dust by bobamilkteas (Wes)

In which Xiao learns to open himself up to the world a little more after the collapse of Rex lapis's contracts but it was not always easy for a soul doomed to eternal damnation. Meanwhile, Albedo liked to tempt fate where the extraordinary are concerned.

If only the traveler's comrades are made of saner bunch.

Comment: Long ago when I like both Albedo and Xiao as a character, I was wondering hmmm....will anyone actually even write about them lmao they never met each other. I am surprise to see this one as the 3rd fic in the whole 3 Xiaobedo fic on Ao3 (yeah back when there’s literally only 3 fic for this couple). I was like I’ll read it for the curiosity, I’ll probably won’t ship them. And that people is how I put my clown make up on my face upon finishing reading it. This ONE fic alone convert me into a devotee of Xiaobedo. Please consider joining me in this circus if you want to know what is Xiaobedo. I would put this as the first of my “Big 3″

Orange Dust also come with its compliation of short stories over the course of the game and a big sequel to it. Please also consider reading ALL OF THEM.

2. Solar Wind by birdpriestess (Sparrow)

For the yaksha, his duty was his life, and his life was his duty. No human could ever hope to understand the eternal war he fought out of sight and in silence.

So why, then, did he feel that Albedo would understand?

---

Finding himself at death's door once more, Xiao is saved by a surprising person, setting off the unlikeliest of adventures.

Comment: Do you like crying? Do you like the feeling of getting your heart ripped into pieces as the author destroy your emotions over the end of each chapter as the story picked up the climax? Yeah, this one is for you masochists. The action, the characterisation, the drama THE EMOTIONS OH WOW. I kid you not that it was so good I read this while workinng when I am not suppose to me. Also, this fic has my favourite characterisation of Gold ever. I love that dramatic queen Mad Alchemist. AND DAIN. I LOVE DAIN IN THIS FIC. Our dearest Sparrow manage to toy with our feelings like how I bully ruin guard for big numbers lmao. This is the secound of “Big 3″ of my Xiaobedo list.

Again, just like Orange Dust, Solar Wind comes with its own compliation of short stories of what came after that. Please also consider reading ALL OF THEM.

3. Castle of Glass by AlchemicalStardust (Morgie)

A black shadow rises over Huaguang Stone Forest. Caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, Albedo flees the shaking ground and the crash of boulders tumbling form the sky. As the dust settles, Albedo finds a young man – an Adeptus – amidst the carnage. Despite the karmic agony ripping his body from the inside, Xiao’s only question is “How?” How did a human survive after witnessing his battle?

Comment: The last of the “Big 3″ of my Xiaobedo list. And it is still on going! Castle of Glass? More like I AM IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTIONS! Have you read a fic about 2 people yearning, longing, reaching out for each other so damn well that you just want to throw your phone in the air as they both had their impending doom coming down upon them? Yeah this is one of them. You will like want to be stuck in the moment they express how much they just yearn for each other’s love and care that you want to shake the author for what comes next. Like...everytime Morgie update I am expressing my gratitude at the end of the chapter by writing on Xiaobedo discord “MORGIE COME HERE AND LET ME BONK YOU WHY ARE YOU ENDING IT THERE”

trust me when you read you will def feel the same. With just Big 3 and their compliation alone that would give you like a LONG list of reading already LMAOOOOOOO

4. Find a place to call it home by yamajiroo

Our room, he said. Xiao’s brow twitches. Zhongli never said anything about this. But then again, perhaps he should anticipate this from the beginning...

Xiao looks over at Albedo, who is now tilting his head, his look as innocent as ever.

“Are you not okay with sharing a room?”

Comment: College AU for Xiaobedo! One thing that I love this is the slow burn and what made me LOVE LOVE LOVE this fic more is how cute Klee is in this fic. Their relationship in this one is very simple, but that simplicity highlight why their chemistry work. Xiao is someone who was just very gentle, who was largely misunderstood by his lonesome nature. Albedo was someone who like peace and quite in his introvert bubble. And how they respect that bubble that each other has actually made their relationship work. I love it when fic highlight this and this one captures it.

5. I Can't See Your Face From the Other Side of the Classroom by MissWeaver

When Albedo and Xiao unexpectedly start eating lunch together, they begin to find that they have more in common than anyone would have realized. They both struggle in their own ways with blossoming feelings, too many assignments, and annoying classmates as they navigate a relationship for the first time.

Comment: I’ll be honest, I usually hate high school au just because its so cliche. I don’t even watch and drama/anime surrounds high school student anymore LMAOOO (unless it’s very good). So if there’s an high school AU that I actually keep come back and read after a couple of chapters, it means that the cliche that I hate wasn’t there or barely was there at all. The pinning in this fic makes me want to bang their head together sometimes LMAOOO The tag wasn’t kidding when they said both Xiao and Albedo are bad at feelings. Also that’s a lot of heart broken caused by these two idiots XD

6. new world, same me, same bullshit by bobamilkteas (Wes)

At the belly of Dragonspine, Albedo lost control to the festering corruption that permeated his senses and watched, from the recesses of his mind, as his devoured body turned his allies into enemies. Before his rampage reached its climax, he is sealed in a crystalized confinement by the last hand of Reindottir, where he then reawakens centuries after, in a rebooted Teyvat.

Comment: Yeah I know it was list in Orange Dust but here me out. This sets out in an entirely different universe. And if you like Polyamory, this one has Zhongli joining the duo and I love it because I also love ZhongXiao with my life. Time Travel is my biggest kink. Especially when I am the person who love it when people explore Archon War era/ Alatus!Xiao. So this one hits double of my kink. Of course it is still on going and I will bully Wes whenever I can to see that new chapter. Albedo is a total fucking badass in this story and I completely agree from using him in Abyss so often. Everyone should write badass Albedo.

7. misplaced heart of mine by inkburn

“If you are ill, then you should be resting at home. In Mondstadt.” He emphasized Mondstadt with a pointed look in his direction.

“I assure you I won’t be troublesome, Adeptus Xiao,” Albedo said, “You’ll find I’m a rather low-maintenance traveler.”

“Travel,” Xiao scoffed, “without airstep?”

Albedo looked him up and down. “Are your legs just for decoration?”

(albedo is sent to liyue on mandatory vacation. xiao is his unfortunate bodyguard.)

Comment: Most of the time you will see Albedo and Xiao starting their relationship with one of them taking interest in another. But this one took another approach, they starting off by make them hating each other’s guts LMAOOOO and I live for every second of it. There’s only 1 chapter so far but wow it was SOOO GOOD. I am really really excited for next chapter and is waiting patiently ;w;

8. Blossom of Grace by birdpriestess

One day in Liyue Harbor, Albedo watches a street performance by an enigmatic dancer named Xiao. And he becomes completely obsessed.

Comment: Have you ever look at Xiao fight and thinking that he’s one of the most beautiful deadly thing ever? How it was like he was dancing around the battlefield? How about actual dancer Xiao being so absolutely beautiful and perfect and that slow burn of Albedo falling in love with that beauty with a touch of Modern AU and cute Ganyu as the Wing woman. Yes, Sparrow delivers yet again another beautiful slow burn and while it’s still ongoing it is worth the read.

9. i think we could make this work (could get used to this) by outspaced

“Xiao? What are you doing out here?”

“I—”

“It’s raining,” Albedo says, as if it isn’t obvious. “You could get struck by lightning.”

“What are you doing out here then?” Xiao does the only thing he knows how to do, he challenges Albedo. “It’s raining.”

Albedo just hums. “If I get struck by lightning, it’s for science.”

Comment: A short one-shot where I read the summary and went “This is it... this is their relationship.” I am sold immediately. Oh god Albedo why are you like this.

10. Ephemeral by criedprinz

“It’s not for your investigation, is it?” Aether asked mildly.

Albedo traced a finger around the sketchbook, considering the question. “No,” he admitted finally. “I... I just want to see them again.”

He opened the sketchbook to reveal the drawing he’d just finished. Aether nodded, clearly recognizing the sharp golden eyes.

“Xiao,” he said. “You were rescued by an adeptus.”

When a visit to Dragonspine goes horribly wrong, Albedo is rescued by an unknown stranger, wielding powers he's never heard of. Led on a search to find out who it is, he finds himself in the middle of an unforgettable encounter..

Comment: A really really well written one-shot that I love. The yearning oh godddd the yearning from Albedo side is just so so much that I have to put it here. (I think you can see the trend here lmao. I am a sucker for yearning). And the moment they get to meet each other again is just chef kiss. MWHAA

11. Idle Yaksha, Brilliant Yaksha by Pit0fTheEarth

Alatus didn’t have a lot of responsibilities to keep. He spent most of his days dancing across the sky and eating away all nightmares that plagued a person’s sleep.

But one fortunate encounter led to too many unfortunate ones, taking his carefree existence and plunging it in darkness. His wings, stripped from him. His gentle touch, replaced by an unforgiving grip of destruction.

There was a lot of blood on his hands. With each passing moment, it became harder for Alatus to recall the last time someone gently held him.

Comment: This is one of the ongoing fic where I am very very much excited on the take of Naberius. And the way the author portray Xiao when he’s still the innocent Alatus is just *clench fist*. Baby ;w; Baby why do you have to lose all that innocence. Also the fic has long LONG flashback to Xiao past and his relationship with Naberius. We are unwielding more what happened to both of them and why perhaps does this have to do with Albedo.

That’s it for now, might add more later! Thank you <3

#xiaobedo #tetsu likes to ramble #genshin impact

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alfredolover119 · 4 years

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I looooove your zukka rec lists! I recently became Avatar-obsessed, never got a chance to watch it as a kid and only just got through it all! I was wondering if you'd consider doing a specifically angst rec list? I love fluffy zukka everything, but sometimes you just gotta have your heart ripped out of your chest and put back in after being thoroughly blended.

thank you! i relate heavily to “recently became Avatar-obsessed” haha. as for the angst list, i sure can try! warning: all of these have happy endings because im a crybaby who can’t read unhappy endings. also, p much all of the fics in the completed section were featured on my other lists but this is specifically the ANGSTY ones >:^)

angsty zukka wips

first, most obviously, feels like we only go backwards by @oldpotatoe

-currently at 102k with 19/27 chapters posted; rated teen

-the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. you know. i haven’t actually read it yet because, as previously mentioned, i’m a crybaby and am waiting for it to finish up but, from my understanding, this fic will murder you in a dark alleyway with no remorse. if u like zukka angst, you’ve probably already read this, but just in case!

An injury leaves Sokka with amnesia. His last memory is of the failed invasion, of leaving his father behind in enemy territory on the Day of Black Sun. Of hopelessness. Rage. // But then he wakes up, and the war is over. Suddenly, he must come to terms with the fact that years have passed, and that he's somehow the Southern Water Tribe Ambassador to the Fire Nation. He is also supposedly friends with banished-Prince-turned-Fire-Lord Zuko, of all people. Close friends.

Yeah, nah.

and i’ll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands) by @goldrushzukka

-currently 38k with 6/8 chapters posted; rated mature

-holy shit. holy SHIT. modern au based on the “my cat likes my fuckbuddy and i am falling in love” trope(?). maybe it’s just because of how the last chapter ended, but oh my god. this one made me cry. made me want to commit violence. when it’s not angsty as hell, it’s pretty funny, but holy shit. ao3 user nebulastucky please.

It’s supposed to be a one night stand. Pick up some guy at a bar, barely remember his name and never learn anything real about him, send him packing in the morning with a thanks for the ride and a cup of coffee to-go. That’s how it’s supposed to go. // But then it’s the best sex Sokka has ever had, and he thinks he’ll hate himself if he never gets to have it again.

Violet Blossoms and Celestial Objects by @hollypunkers

-currently 15k with 2/? posted. rated teen.

-this is the sequel to blue (an angsty, zukka rewrite of book 2-- go read it if u havent!)! !! this is a book 3 rewrite. only two chapters in and mrs hollypunkers is really abusing the miscommunication tag, as zukka writers seem to enjoy doing. im excited to see how the world and story develops with the changes to the story! you should be too!! its very good! obviously spoilers for blue lmao

Having sided with the Avatar in Ba Sing Se, Zuko not only must navigate his new relationship with Sokka but returning to the Fire Nation as a banished enemy. His own journey of self discovery and personal growth must now coexist alongside the personal struggles of every other member of the Gaang as together they blaze a treacherous path toward an unsure victory against Zuko's own father and nation.

breakable heaven by @fruitysokka

-currently 71k with 9/11 chapters posted. rated teen

-swt ambassador zuko! soon to be chief sokka! fake dating ur best friend to get out of an arranged marriage! what could go wrong!!! i also haven’t read this one ((see: i’m a crybaby who is being hurt by too many zukka wips already)), but it has been hanging out in my marked for later for months. from what i understand, this fic has: angst.

With his twenty-first birthday looming just around the corner, the Southern Water Tribe Elders have decided that Sokka, next in line to be Chief, needs to get married. Sokka does not want that, but he does need to get them off his back until he can figure his way out of it. What better way to do that than to pretend to date his best friend (and newly minted Ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe) Zuko? // Seriously, this is a foolproof plan. Maybe one of Sokka's best. Absolutely nothing can go wrong.

angsty zukka fics (completed!)

(i’ll put these in wc order)

lighthouse beam by @incorrectzukka

-7k, rated g

-a modern college au!! zuko’s inner-monologue is very angsty in this fic. typical zuko. also per usual, theyre both fucking dorks. they sort themselves out in the end, but not before The Angst. zuko is semi-deaf in this fic and also he has a bit of internalized homophobia.

Sokka’s breathtakingly beautiful and he’s smart and makes other people laugh. Zuko has a half-burnt face and a deaf ear. It’s not rocket science. // Or, Zuko falls in love with the boy in his Philosophy class.

This Isn’t My Idea of Fun by @khaleeseas

-9k, explicit

-moon spirit/nwt prince!sokka, no war to be found here! admittedly this isnt THAT angsty but like. the angst IS present. zuko is still the prince. a lovely childhood friends (though they hated each other for a minute haha) to lovers story.

If you asked Zuko, he and Azula saw far too much of Chief Hakoda of the Northern Water Tribe’s children growing up. It wasn’t until they were older, and Azula pointed out that - duh - their families were trying to set them all up, that he realized why. // He was told by his mother to be polite. These people were their friends and allies, and though their nations were as different as they came, harmony between nations was the most important thing. // It wasn’t his fault the Chief’s children were so annoying.

put your lips close to mine (as long as they don’t touch) by @celestialceci

-9k, teen

-modern au! zuko and sokka are college roommates. zuko goes to spend the summer with sokka. again,, not really that angsty but-- its there!! the detail and feeling of Home in this story make me happy. zuko is insecure as hell here too. if ur into that.

Zuko hates his home. He likes college alright, but he likes Sokka even better, his assigned roommate turned best friend. Spending the summer with Sokka will be fun, a welcome change of pace he desperately wants. It probably won't awaken anything in him... right?

the thing about dancing by anodymalion

-9k, teen

-yes. this one right here officer. it makes my heart ache. also trans sokka! which is cool. but the zuko angst in this one. hurts me. not so much relationship angst as it is zuko learning he deserves happiness angst. i’m sure u know The Type.

The first time a attendant spills Zuko’s tea and doesn’t immediately fall to her knees, begging the Fire Lord’s forgiveness, it is not anger but a resounding warmth that fills his chest.

i could (never) give you peace by @zukkababey

-10k, mature

-OUCH. OUCH OUCH OUCH. boys please learn to communicate im begging u. also zuko.. zuko, dude. as the tags of the fic say, hes “really going through it” in this one. YOUCH. post-canon.

Zuko almost said it. He almost said the words I think I’m in love with you, but he choked them back down at the last second. // Zuko would never be able to be what Sokka wanted. They might have needed each other during the summer, when two boys with too much weight on their shoulders found comfort in each other in the only way they knew how. // But now Zuko was Fire Lord, and Sokka was leaving.

this love burns so yellow (becoming orange and in its time, exploding) by @meliebee

-18k, teen, major character death

-i lied. THIS is the one, officer. found family.. good mai and zuko and toph friendships.. . ozai escapes prison and tries to overthrow zuko. OBVIOUSLY angst ensues. poor boy. he Does heal in this but it gets worse before it gets better. angst angst angst angst.

Ten months after Zuko is crowned at seventeen, he faces his first coup.

Anything for You by beersforqueers

-23k, explicit

-istg. this is probably one of my favorite zukka fics. its PAINFUL. modern au where theyre broken up but sokka hasnt told his family yet so zuko goes home with him for kataang wedding. a bit smutty, but the plot oh my god ohgm y fuvk. made me cry the first time i read it. (see: crybaby!me) insert that one picture of the horse with the caption PAIN.

In which Sokka and Zuko have broken up but Sokka hasn't told his family yet. So when Katara and Aang's wedding weekend rolls around and he doesn't want to break Gran-Gran's heart, he asks Zuko to pretend to be his boyfriend for one last weekend. // Things don't go as planned.

Moving Mountains by @thefangirlingdead

-64k, mature

-so. when i read this the first time it was in one sitting. soulmate au set within canon era / the comics, to an extent. soulmates can hear each others thoughts. i will happily say this is slowburn, jesus christ. champagne without the cham.

Soulmates are chosen by the spirits and can hear each other’s thoughts. Sokka thinks it’s cheesy and dumb. Zuko thinks it’s poetic justice that he doesn’t have one because he doesn’t deserve it. Cruel irony is finding out that the prince of the Fire Nation (and the person currently hunting you) is your soulmate.

In the Soft Light by @voidcenturyscholar and @romancedawning

-83k, teen, graphic depictions of violence

-moon spirit!sokka living in the northern water tribe. zuko is sent to the northern water tribe as a cultural liaison. iroh is the fire lord but while he is away taking care of lu ten after his injury ozai steps up. i cannot express how many emotions this fic made me feel. background yuetara. i would almost say found family?? but. anyway. plenty of angst to spare here with a healthy dose of enemies to friends to lovers.

As the newly appointed cultural liaison to Northern Water Tribe, Zuko is the first Fire Nation Citizen to step foot inside the city's walls in nearly a century. He's determined to prove himself—to the Fire Lord and to his father—even if the Water Tribe's spirit-touched prince seems to want nothing to do with him.

That Midnight Sky by @zukkababey

-103k, teen

-now now now. tms... modern college au where sokka agrees to tutor zuko in physics because zuko has to maintain straight a’s and physics is just not doing it for him. so. thats cool but THEN azula moves in, randomly, with zuko. to hide the fact that sokka is tutoring zuko, they fake date! what could go wrong!! the mutual pining in here combined with the angst... wonderful, tasty. everyone read it rn. also SLOWBURN

In Zuko’s strict family, needing a tutor is just about the worst thing you could do. Failing a class, however, is even worse. The only rational solution? Take up Aang on his offer to find him a physics tutor and have Sokka—beautiful, smart, handsome Sokka—tutor him in secret. // When Azula’s arrival threatens to reveal Zuko’s secret, it’s up to Sokka to convince her this definitely isn’t what it looks like. See, he’s actually… Zuko’s… boyfriend? // Hmm. There’s no way this could get complicated, right?

#zukka #zuko #sokka #angst #zukka angst #atla #avatar: the last airbender #fic recs #zukka fic recs

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