#But i really do want to be less self involved I'll call it

[holiciouspursuitofenvy]

Me, sobbing, gasping, dribbling with snot: "I'M SO SORRY FOR ALL THAT I'VE DONE TO YOU ALL AND EVERYTHING I'VE DONE!"

Literally everyone:... (no one says anything because no one cares and doesn't understand how i do).

[bigfan-fanfic]

Some Type of Way (Male!Reader x Joel Miller)

Sarah smirks at her father as the man helps her gather her overnight bag for the sleepover.

"Wipe that look off your face it or it'll stay like that." Joel nudges her shoulder playfully. "What are you even smirking about?"

"Someone has a daaaaaaa-aaaaate."

"Smart mouth."

"Buy my silence."

"I'm letting you go on this sleepover, aren't I?"

"Yeah, cause you have a daaaaaa-"

He tugs her out of the kitchen by her backpack. "All right, I have a date. Happy?"

When she finally gets to plant her feet, she looks up at him. "Are you? I mean... how many dates is this? Have you two-"

Joel raises an eyebrow. "Do you really wanna ask that question, baby girl?"

"Ew. No, never mind." she shudders. "But still... you like him a lot."

"Yeah. Yeah, I do."

"Dad?"

The car pulls up. She has to go, but he can tell this is important. "Yeah, baby girl?"

"I like him too." she says softly.

Joel hugs her tight for a moment and they share it together. All the things they don't say, all the hopes they have. Then she smirks again.

"Say hi to him for me."

"Will do. Now you call me if anything happens. I got you that dang cell phone for emergencies."

"Yeah, Dad!"

She breezes off, and Joel stands on the porch, distracted, until you pull up.

He holds you tight when you hurl yourself into his arms, pulling you inside, closing the door on the world so he can just experience you.

Joel's life is pretty stressful. Being a single dad, dealing with his less-than-steady carpenter work, and trying to muddle through. But you are always his oasis, it seems.

He wants to give the people he loves everything, and he hates that he sometimes can't give them all he thinks they deserve.

But you don't ask for much, really. No matter how many "stay-in" dates with crappy spaghetti with store-bought sauce he makes, you don't ask to go out for fancier meals. Sometimes you even take him out.

Sarah likes you too - you relate to her well, even if you try to not get involved in her raising, knowing Joel might take offense.

He feels some type of way about you. And though you both know he's head over heels for you, you've never rushed him to say it.

Joel has always been uneasy about owing people. But with you, the emotion of gratitude is something powerful.

"I thought we would cook together this time, so I brought some stuff." you grin, and he kisses the top of your head.

"And here I thought I'd be your personal chef tonight. What, you don't like my spaghetti?"

You wink. "I love your spaghetti. But I think you'll love my garlic bread more."

When you first started dating, Joel was rigid in trying to maintain the role he thought he had to play. Provider and rock, masculine and constantly steady.

But your ease and the comfort you bring to him has allowed him to soften, to show you his true self, the one that usually only comes out around Sarah.

He's a jokester, with a wry and sarcastic wit, but also happy to follow along and find something to enjoy or find something humorous in any situation.

He puts on some music from an old CD and you two dance with each other as you cook and bake the garlic bread.

"I'll handle the cleanup. So we don't have to worry about it in the morning." you offer, and Joel winks.

"You mean I ain't kicking you out right after tonight?" he teases, and you smack him in the gut. "Fine, fine, but you let me cook breakfast for you."

"Oh, you drive a hard bargain, sir. But I guess I'll allow it. Besides, I got the whole weekend off, so I can stay over if you want."

Joel comes over, wrapping his arms around your waist and kissing the back of your neck. "Do you have to leave?"

He's asked things like this before, flirting and romantic, but you sense something... more, this time.

"Well... my lease will be up in a couple of months."

He stiffens, recognizing the unsaid offer, and then he hugs you closer. "I'll have to talk to Sarah about it, but... how would you feel about moving in here?"

"Are you sure, Joel? I know you're starting to save up for your startup and-"

"I want this. You. I want to wake up with you and take you to bed. I think I wanna share my life with you. Fully."

There's a moment you turn and kiss him where he knows he should say it, but he just can't, yet. He's far too cynical and far too wounded to say it without knowing for sure.

But ironically, the fact that you don't push is bringing him to that conclusion anyway. "You make me feel some type of way, Joel Miller."

He kisses you back, barely resisting the urge to pick you up and carry you off right then. "So do you, babe. So do you."

He'll tell you. Soon enough. After all, you two will have all the time in the world...

[undreaming-fanfiction]

As a crazy cat lady, may I offfer...

Eddie who has always loved cats, how free and soft and elegant they are, how they purr and close their eyes in affection, how they make him forget all his worries and stress. He's loved them ever since a neighbor's cat found him crying behind the trailer after he got bullied for his new haircut, the last gift from his shitty dad before Eddie got whisked away by the social services. The cat ignored his sniffling and jumped in his lap, plopping herself over the bony knees and thin thighs, and when she started rubbing her face against his scraped palm, Eddie felt complete.

He can't adopt one yet because he lives with Wayne who is allergic. Wayne offers to take antihistamines but Eddie refuses, he doesn't want to inconvenience him in his own home. Still, he dreams of one day sometime in the future, a small apartment of his own and at least two cats who will greet him when he comes home.

Eddie finds himself volunteering in a shelter and when a new cat café opens, he jumps at the opportunity. He is hired and spends his days taking of their cat ensemble and preparing delicious coffees. Cats help him be less jittery and more grounded, so it's a win win. Eddie loves this job.

Enter Steve Harrington, an insanely handsome man who stops by to make a reservation. Eddie is his usual flirty self, although he expects Steve will bring a date and that's the end of that. But then Steve leans to Eddie and asks: "Listen, uh...I will need some help."

Suppressing an internal groan, Eddie asks: "what, do you need me to drop an engagement ring into the coffee or something? Because can do, but it needs to be sanitized first."

"Oh no. Not that, no..." Steve runs his fingers through his hair and even though it looks like a nervous gesture, Eddie is seconds away from a cuteness induced nosebleed. "Not at all. I just...I have a little sister, you know? I mean, my adoptive dad is fostering her and she's the kindest girl you've met, but she had it rough in her original family. Apparently there was something involving animals and...she loves cats so much, but is terrified of hurting them. She would never!" he clarifies when he sees a frown forming on Eddie's forehead. "It's just that whenever she showed affection to any animal, her biological father made sure it would get hurt or at least chased away. And that's gone, that man is in jail and I just...I want to show her that it's okay to love animals again. That she can pet a purring cat without worrying about its safety."

Eddie just stares at him with mouth open. "That's...wow," he says. "Sorry. Processing."

Steve does the hair thing again and laughs and Eddie thinks that this man deserves a brother of the year award, yep, he'll ask Gareth to 3D print one right fucking now. "Yeah, sorry. I didn't mean to dump all that on you, but I had to be honest because this is a big deal to her. To me as well. Just...listen, I like cats a lot, but I'm not the best at interpreting what they mean, their body language and all that. And I really need Jane to have someone here that can tell her what to do, when she's doing a good job...someone who will protect the kitties if she messes up. Her words. I know it's a lot to ask, but..."

But Eddie shushes him. "Say no more, big boy. I'll be here and I'll give the young lady the cat experience of a lifetime."

Eddie used to think he couldn't love his job any more. But with Jane's uncertain smile and big eyes, her incredulous squeal when a cat chose her for the first time, when she kept asking Eddie for specifics of each cat in his care - "which one is more shy, which one likes to be picked up, which one is a picky eater?" - he thinks he's finally found his calling. Steve beams at him and comes back the next day with a bag of approved cat treats for the cats and a box of chocolates for Eddie as a thank you, then asks him out for a dinner - "if that is even appropriate, shit, sorry, I don't want you to feel pressured or something, this is your job, I get it, but I just really admire you and you were amazing to Jane, uh, and the stuff you say about cats is so interesting I'd just love to hear more". Eddie's heart flutters like the traitor it is and he thinks - maybe this is someone I could adopt a cat with one day.

And unsurprisingly, he's right.

[gwenllian-in-the-abbey]

Is there anything support the populat interpretation that old valriya and valryians in general are more feminist, and progressive than the rest in Asoiaf?

Anon, thank you! I've been wanting to address this for awhile, so I'm going to actually answer this really fully, with as many receipts as I can provide (this ended up being more of an essay than I intended, but hopefully it helps)

I think there's in fact plenty of evidence to suggest that Valyria and the Valyrians in general were anything but progressive. Valyria was an expansive empire with a robust slave trade that practiced incest based on the idea of blood supremacy/blood purity. All of these things are absolutely antithetical to progressivism. There is no way any empire practicing slavery can ever be called progressive. Now, the Targaryens of Dragonstone have since given up the practice of slavery, but they certainly still believe in the supremacy of Valyrian blood.

And I'll see the argument, well what's wrong with believing your blood is special if your blood really is special and magic? Which is just-- if anyone catches themselves thinking this, and you sincerely believe that GRRM intended to create a magically superior master race of hot blondes who deserve to rule over all other backwards races by virtue of their superior breeding which is reinforced through brother-sister incest, and you've convinced yourself this represents progressive values, then you might want to step away from the computer for a bit and do a bit of self reflection.

And remember-- what is special about this special blood? It gives the bearers the ability to wield sentient weapons of mass destruction. It's also likely, according to the most popular theories, the result of blood magic involving human sacrifice. So there is a terrible price to pay for this so-called supremacy. Would any of us line up to be sacrificed to the Fourteen Flames so that the Valyrians can have nukes?

And if you are tempted by the idea that a woman who rides a dragon must inherently have some sort of power-- that is true. A woman who rides a dragon is more powerful than a woman who does not ride a dragon, and in some cases, more powerful than a man who does not ride a dragon, but that does not make her more powerful than a man who also rides a dragon. Dragonriding remained a carefully guarded privilege, and Targaryen women who might otherwise become dragonriders were routinely denied the privilege (despite the oft repeated "you cannot steal a dragon," when Saera Targaryen attempted to claim a dragon from the dragonpit, she was thrown into a cell for the attempted "theft,"words used by Jaehaerys). The dragonkeepers were established explicitly to keep anyone, even those of Targaryen blood, from taking them without permission. Any "liberation" that she has achieved is an illusion. What she has gained is the ability to enact violence upon others who are less privileged, and this ability does not save her from being the victim of gender based violence herself.

Politically speaking, it is also true that Valyria was a "freehold," in that they did not have a hereditary monarchy, but instead had a political structure akin to Ancient Athens (which was itself democratic, but not at all progressive or feminist). Landholding citizens could vote on laws and on temporary leaders, Archons. Were any of the lords freeholder women? We don't know. If we take Volantis as an example, the free city that seems to consider itself the successor to Valyria, the party of merchants, the elephants, had several female leaders three hundred years ago, but the party of the aristocracy, the tigers, the party made up of Valyrian Old Blood nobility, has never had a female leader. Lys, the other free city, is known for it's pleasure houses, which mainly employ women kidnapped into sexual slavery (as well as some young men). It is ruled by a group of magisters, who are chosen from among the wealthiest and noblest men in the city, not women. There does not seem to be a tradition of female leadership among Valyrians, and that's reflected by Aegon I himself, who becomes king, rather than his older sister-wife, Visenya. And although there have been girls named heir, temporarily, among the pre-Dance Targaryens, none were named heir above a trueborn brother aside from Rhaenyra, a choice that sparked a civil war. In this sense, the Targaryens are no different from the rest of Westeros.

As for feminism or sexual liberation, there's just no evidence to support it. We know that polygamy was not common, but it was also not entirely unheard of, but incest, to keep the bloodlines "pure," was common. Incest and polygamy are certainly sexual taboos, both in the real world and in Westeros, that the Valyrians violated, but the violation of sexual taboos is not automatically sexually liberated or feminist. Polygamy, when it is exclusively practiced by men and polyandry is forbidden (and we have no examples of Valyrian women taking multiple husbands, outside of fanfic), is often abusive to young women. Incest leads to an erosion of family relationships and abusive grooming situations are inevitable. King Jaehaerys' daughters are an excellent case study, and the stories of Saera and Viserra are particularly heartbreaking. Both women were punished severely for "sexual liberation," Viserra for getting drunk and slipping into her brother Baelon's bed at age fifteen, in an attempt to avoid an unwanted marriage to an old man. She was not punished because she was sister attempting to sleep with a brother, but because she was the wrong sister. Her mother, the queen had already chosen another sister for Baelon, and believed her own teenage daughter was seducing her brother for nefarious reasons. As a sister, Viserra should have been able to look to her brother for protection, but as the product of an incestuous family, Viserra could only conceive of that protection in terms of giving herself over to him sexually.

Beyond that, sexual slavery was also common in ancient Valyria, a practice that persisted in Lys and Volantis, with women (and young men) trafficked from other conquered and raided nations. Any culture that is built on a foundation of slavery and which considers sexual slavery to be normal and permissible, is a culture of normalized rape. Not feminist, not progressive.

I think we get the picture! so where did this idea that Valyrians are more progressive come from? I think there are two reasons. One, the fandom has a bit of a tendency to imagine Valyrians and their traditions in opposition to Westerosi Sevenism, and if Sevenism is fantasy Catholicism, and the fantasy Catholics also hate the Valyrian ways, they must hate them because those annoying uptight religious freaks just hate everything fun and cool, right? They hate revealing clothing, hate pornographic tapestries, hate sex outside of marriage, hate bastards. So being on Sevenism's shit-list must be a mark of honor, a sign of progressive values? But it's such a surface level reading, and a real misunderstanding of the medieval Catholic church, and a conflating of that church with the later Puritan values that many of us in the Anglosphere associate with being "devout." For most of European history, the Catholic church was simply The Church, and the church was, ironically, where you would find the material actions which most closely align with modern progressive values. The church cared for lepers, provided educations for women, took care of orphans, and fed the poor. In GRRM's world, which is admittedly more secular than the actual medieval world, Sevenism nevertheless has basically the same function, feeding the poor instead of, you know, enslaving them.

Finally, I blame the shows. While Valyrians weren't a progressive culture, Daenerys Targaryen herself held relatively progressive individual values by a medieval metric. She is a slavery abolitionist, she elevates women within her ranks, and she takes control of her own sexuality (after breaking free from her Targaryen brother). But Daenerys wasn't raised as a Targaryen. She grew up an orphan in exile, hearing stories of her illustrious ancestors from her brother, who of the two did absorb a bit of that culture, and is not coincidentally, fucked up, abusive, and misogynistic. He feels a sexual ownership over his sister, arranges a marriage for her, and even after her marriage, feels entitled to make decisions on her behalf. It is only after breaking away from Viserys that Dany comes into her own values. Having once been a mere object without agency of her own, she determines to save others from that fate and becomes an abolitionist. But because Game of Thrones gave viewers very little exposure to Targaryens aside from Daenerys, House Targaryen, in the eyes of most show watchers, is most closely associated with Dany and her freedom-fighter values. And as for Rhaenyra in House of the Dragon, being a female heir does not make her feminist or progressive, although it is tempting to view her that way when she is juxtaposed against Aegon II. Her "sexual liberation" was a lesson given to her by her uncle Daemon, a man who had an express interest in "liberating" her so that she would sleep with him, it was not a value she was raised with. In fact, she was very nearly disinherited for it, and was forced into a marriage with a gay man as a result of said "liberation." She had no interest in changing succession laws to allow absolute primogeniture, no interest in changing laws or norms around bastardy despite having bastards; she simply viewed herself as an exception. Rhaenyra's entire justification for her claim is not the desire to uplift women, bring peace and stability to Westeros, or even to keep her brother off the throne, it is simply that she believes she deserves it because her father is the king and he told her she could have it, despite all tradition and norms, and in spite of the near certain succession crisis it will cause. Whether she is right or wrong, absolutism is not progressive.

And let me just say, none of this means that you can't enjoy the Valyrians or think that they're fun or be a fan of house Targaryen. This insistence that Targaryens are the progressive, feminist (read: morally good) house seems by connected to the need of some fans to make their favorite characters unproblematic. If the Valyrians are "bad," does that make you a bad person for enjoying them? Of course not. But let's stop the moral grandstanding about the "feminist" and "progressive" Valyrians in a series that is an analogue for medieval feudalism. Neither of those things can exist under the systems in place in Westeros, nor could they have existed in the slavery based empire of conquest that was old Valyria.

[saiyanmazen]

Parenting styles in Dragon Ball Z (and Super)

You know, to me, the interesting thing about this scene (and the one where they could to the aforementioned park) isn't the fact that Vegeta keeps his promise.

It's the fact that he uses positive reinforcement to motivate Trunks.

Do you think Vegeta was ever rewarded for landing a good hit? Definitely not. It was expected of him.

As an expert in children's development, I find it fascinating to look at this example of Vegeta parenting Trunks and what it says about his parenting style. I've seen headcanons that go from calling 'Dadgeta' authoritarian to neglectful, but I disagree.

In the following, I will briefly describe the four styles of parenting with focus on the authoritarian and the authoritative styles. I'll also compare them to how DBZ parents appear to raise their children, but mainly focus on Vegeta.

Authoritarian:

This is the old school parenting method where restrictions and punishments go hand in hand. The parents expect the children to obey rules without a clear explanation as to why and corporal punishment is used when the children overstep.

Unsurprisingly, it seems like a lot of people believe this is how Vegeta raises his children (If he is even involved; I'll address this later on.) It was likely how he was raised.

However, the only parent we actually see using this style is Chichi. She's not entirely unreasonable, but we do see her expect things from Gohan without explanations and she has a lot of restrictions set up. This might have something to do with Goku's parenting style, but more on that later.

Piccolo also uses authoritarianism with Gohan, but he isn't trying to parent him, just train him.

What's really interesting is that children raised in a household practicing authoritarianism tend to hold a lot of anger inside. They also have low self-efficacy and high self blame. Remind you of someone?

Indulgent

Here we see nurturing, accepting parents who don't have behavioral expectations of their children. They are responsive to the children's needs and wishes, but do not expect them to be the same toward other people. The parents want to be the child's friend rather than a demanding parent.

Children of indulgent parents tend to grow up without a sense of others' boundaries and generally have less discipline than their peers. They lack impulse control and are often irresponsible.

In DBZ we do see signs of this parenting style, but only limited. It's not commonly used in Asia and therefore, Toriyama didn't add it. In GT it's obvious that both Trunks and Bulla seem have been parenting this way by Bulma. It's also why many doubt that Vegeta has been much involved.

It's also easy to argue that Goku parents this way, although it's up for discussion.

Neglectful

Although many think that the indulgent parenting style have created a generation of undisciplined young people, the neglectful parenting style has actually had a greater effect.

The parents are either more interested in themselves and their own goals than their children's. (Although sometimes it's because the parents struggle with stress or depression) Children of these parents are usually lonely and melancholic, often have very low self esteem and are needy after affection and approval. This leads them to be easily manipulated and they are at a higher risk to end up in abusive relationships.

I think many of the Vegeta antis and those claiming Goku is a bad parent would place the two Saiyans here.

However, Goku is clearly involved in Gohan's upbringing, albeit choosing a more casual approach than Chichi, and returns after being dead for seven years, ready to be involved with Goten (and Gohan if he wants it). The reason that Goku mainly focuses on training isn't just because it's his own interest. It's what he knows for sure how to do.

Most importantly: it was how Goku was raised himself. First by Grandpa Gohan and later from his other father figure, Master Roshi. It isn't just in his blood; it's in his upbringing.

And then there's Vegeta’s parenting style which was my main focus for this post. It got a little out of control, but we have finally arrived at the last parenting style:

Authoritative

This is the most modern parenting style, even though it isn't really new. It's been used for years in well functioning familes. This type of parent is both demanding and nurturing, being present and engaged in their children's lives. They explain things to their children, teach them how to regulate their feelings and therefore expect a mature behavior from them.

Children of authoritative parents tend to be more successful in their adult lives, capable of discipline and well-liked. Because they aren't constantly being restricted, they naturally develope autonomy within set boundaries and learn to respect others, regardless of authority.

So, what does this have to do with Vegeta and Trunks?

As I mentioned in the beginning, in the scene in the Gravity Chamber, Vegeta uses positive reinforcement to motive Trunks. Positive reinforcement has proven to be a healthy way to motivate children (and animals) and is a part of the authoritative style. By using it, Vegeta provides Trunks with rules that foster motivation and discipline in the child. The fact that Vegeta knows about the amusement and can use it as an incentive also shows that he is involved enough to know what may get Trunks to do his best.

But the most important thing we see is that Vegeta upholds his promise, despite hating every second of it. It shows that he respects Trunks' efforts and achievement. By honoring his word, he also teaches Trunks to do the same.

Of course, this is a small scene and we don't know how Vegeta behaves otherwise in regards to Trunks. But it's safe to say that Vegeta does take his son's wishes into account and uses it to encourage him to move beyond his limits.

I admit that I'm not a fan of GT and don't consider it canon, especially because of Toriyama's lack of involvement. So, while I dislike many aspects of DBS, I do think it's the best representation of the characters.

In Super, both Goten and Trunks are well adjusted boys who both have discipline and test the boundaries of their autonomy. They act like boys their age, albeit with incredibly strength, and it goes to show that their parents have raised them well.

Of course, it's also important to remember that both DBZ and DBS (and even GT) are a product of their time and the parenting styles reflect that. DBZ is from the 80's where the authoritarian (Chichi) and indulgent (Goku) styles were the most common. GT is from the 90's where the media started to focus on indulgent and neglectful parents - even though it wasn't a new thing - and it's shown that Trunks, Bulla and Goten have grown up as spoiled and undisciplined. DBS shows that the parents in the show have become authoritative and their children's behavior reflects that.

It's clear that the parents are doing their best and that the fathers have become more involved nowadays than before. This is the case in modern parenting as well.

Anyway, this is the end of my long rant. I think, as both an expert in children's development and as a parent myself, it's interesting to look into the relationships between the characters, especially the father-son interactions which are explored the most. There's no doubt that Toriyama knew the importance of being a father and wanted to portray it, mainly in Goku and Gohan's relationship.

I don't think Toriyama saw Goku nor Vegeta as bad fathers, but he knew that everyone has different strengths, even in parenthood.

[starberry-cupcake]

GUESS WHO'S BACK IN THE HOUSE???

I don't know how frequent these will be but I'm gonna try to pick this back up now that, at the very least, I am done with having to read stuff for mandatory academic reasons.

But before I go back and start over with chapter 33, I'm going to do a little recap of where I think everyone was when I left them, as far as my own notes and my memory allow. I'm probably going to make less sense than before now that I had a 5 month hiatus and I'll probably guess even less of what's going on, but such is life.

This character recap should be read with this song in your head because that's the energy I picture.

she's going through it

doesn't remember shit

thinks ortus was her cavalier

is constantly targeted by alleged gideon aka ortus the first

who actually also told her how to defend herself from him (them? he said "us") (use blood, not bones, of course)

is seen as "lyctor lite" because her cavalier slurping thing "didn't work"

(we think this might be good because of gideon reasons)

improved her necro abilities to "make up" for it

can't really hold the sword

everyone expects her to die

I think she's stronger than they think and that's their mistake

sent letters to herself that she hasn't yet fully read

like I made these recaps that now I'm re-reading, life parallels

gave yandere twin her arm back with necro sex or something

is dealing with an inner chad who is as difficult in death as in life

misses her sister who she thinks is still alive

I also think she's alive

got a new arm through necro sex or something

is kinky as well as yandere

thinks too highly of augustine

wants to be a good lyctor

has issues with her self-perception because she was always the ignored twin, even if she had the necro abilities

sleeps in a room with a lot of nudes

wanted to kiss harrow but was rejected (the second time, the first time was some harrow conspiracy theory thing)

I hate this guy

is very bad at his job

or very good, if his job is to be awful

supposedly he's gonna be killed, but so far no results on that front

had a thing with ice cube barbie aka AL aka annabel lee, allegedly

undetermined what kind of "thing" that was

gets into orgies with his lyctors, apparently

is always reading stuff

has created a system to destroy planets and their energy

this has brought them issues

who would have thought

there are now energy things that are wanting to destroy them

they killed some but have, I believe, 3 still trailing them

claims that what they did was a good thing

doesn't take responsibility for things that are clearly his fault

isn't disturbed by harrow's origin story of baby blending in a necro magic bullet to make her

probably because he has committed genocide himself

is also being hated on by a bunch of rebels whose leader disappeared about 20 years prior

my running theory is that gideon's mom might be related to that

aka Senior Chad

don't like this guy

he's training yandere twin, if we can call it that

dislikes mercygirl a lot but isn't above getting dirty with her and the emperor

you can't convince me there weren't other ways they could have distracted him, but he went for that, so

wanted to help kill alleged gideon aka ortus the first

thinks too highly of himself

explains things in a convoluted way

is treated very poorly

can help people with wounds

thinks harrowcita is very smol and always claims her to be younger than the last time

was involved in the plan of getting emperor reverend doctor john Distracted with Capital D to get alleged gideon aka ortus the first killed

idk how much she knew of the plan before getting into it tbh there wasn't a lot of discussion prior

insists she's not moving not!dulcinea

argues with people all the time

his name is up for debate at this point but I'm sure it's actually gideon

may or may not be involved in things beyond the planet situation

seems to be sort of possessed or something because, in a moment of maybe lucidity or not wanted to protect harrowcita from "us"

maybe he's not the kind one, maybe it's his cavalier, but idk

is probably who the note in book 1 was referring to

wants to kill harrow to protect the emperor, apparently

was about to be killed by not!dulcinea (who doesn't get a section but is STILL wreaking havoc because nobody listens to me)

harrowcita saved his life like in toy story 3 with the incinerator

was seen doing Stuff with not!dulcinea prior to this

emperor john alluded that he may be aroace though

we stan him for that

doesn't get along with the rest

also we stan him for that

has been trying to kill harrowcita the whole time

we don't stan him for that

aka AL aka annabel lee, I think

it wasn't stated but that's what I'm going for

is the body that was in the locked tomb that harrowcita saw

but now is haunting harrow and going around with her but only she can see and hear her

her eyes though are like gideon's maybe

harrow claims to love her

she's also present in the gideon-less past we keep seeing as well

we don't know much about her but if the emperor imprisoned her, we're on her side

canaan house but with a lot of events differently set

starting with gideon not existing and ortus being harrow's cav

ortus is also in a polycule with the fifth

dulcinea is the real one in this one and protozoa is alive

regina george twin was pushed to her "death???" by mayonneise uncle, before he also threw himself

palmolive and camilla are dead in this one

the second house has 1 alive and 1 dead

abigail seems to know a lot of stuff

maybe hadn't she died immediately, book 1 would have been shorter

everyone keeps saying "is this how it happened?"

IT'S NOT

harrow reads a note only she can see that keeps getting longer about someone ranting to some guy and there's a potential triangle situation going on and also eggs

I'm thinking it might be a fertility thing but idk

there's a waker/sleeper that behaves like a slasher villain

it's hidden in a coffin nobody can open and kills with a rifle

it also has a gideon-like sword?

not sure how this connects with what's going on in the emperor's bolthole because not!dulcinea doesn't exist in this one, apparently

even though camilla is very much alive and slaying and palmolive is currently a skull in a bag, I'll leave that for the next recap once I've caught up with the entire chapter

[daydreamgoddess14]

Complaints Procedure

MASTERLIST

Roy Kent x F!Reader

Literally just 1.5k of pure filth. Sorry, not sorry?! 😅Taken from this prompt.

Inspired by this image:

~~~~~

You knew to avoid the locker room immediately before and after matches. The less than stellar performance of the team during the season had seemingly made everyone angry - even Sam was down. Jamie Tartt continued to annoy and degrade everyone who so much as glanced at him, and the so-called Captain looked about ready to throw in the towel. Getting rid of George Cartrick may have been a wise decision, but his replacement was certainly unorthodox. You had your work cut out for you in HR, it was like babysitting 2 year olds - they all still bit, kicked, and scratched. Seeing you always gave them the initiative to put complaints in, complaints that you had to be seen to legitimately deal with, even if dealing with it meant sitting the idiots involved down and giving them a telling off. You had never told off Roy Kent, though. The man terrified and turned you on in equal measure.

Just the low timbre of his voice made your heart pound and flooded your body with want. Training was long over, so you figured you were safe to take some paperwork down to Ted Lasso's office. Your heels clicked on the concrete as you made your way through the maze of rooms. Wage slips for the folks in the ticket office, holiday forms for the staff in the medical and treatment areas, and the weekly update on player relations that Ted had asked you to draft. Who was fighting with who, who had you had to threaten with suspension, and who you'd just had to give an arse kicking to. As you turn to leave Ted’s office, Roy is coming back in from the showers. With just a towel gripped in his hand. You look literally anywhere else. The ceiling tiles become particularly interesting. 

"Oi, what you doing in here?"

"Just dropping some paperwork off, no need to be rude."

"Sorry, just… thought I was alone, that's all." You drag your eyes from the ceiling to his, drawing an invisible line across his nose so you do not look any lower. "See something you like?" He teases, as if he knows it's taking all your will to not look at his chest or the towel. 

"Definitely not. I'm done now, I'll leave you to it." 

 

You're sure you must hold your breath on the walk from the locker room to your office because as soon as you shut the door, it all comes out in a whoooosh. As good-looking as he is, you can't stand his arrogance, dominance, and anger issues. You knew it was nothing new in football or in work at all, really. You'd seen every layer of the food chain, and it was always the top of the tree who thought they were gods gift. You knew he could be kind and thoughtful. You'd seen it for yourself with the younger, less experienced players and with fans too. It was definitely a certain calibre of person who set him off - the Jamie Tartts and George Cartricks of the world. You're still leaning against your office door when you feel and hear it knock. When it begins to open against your back, you have to jump out of the way so it can swing open. Fully clothed, Roy is on the other side. 

"Do I scare you?" He asked, frowning. 

"Course you don't scare me, I'm not a sodding child." You roll your eyes. "Did you need something?" 

"I might need to put in a complaint." You arch an eyebrow at him, 

"Really? Go on?" He took a step closer to you, so you take a step back. 

"I saw the way you looked at me downstairs -" you scoffed, 

"I did not look at you at all. I actively didn't look at you," you start, angry until you see the smirk. "Oh fuck off, did you come up here just for a laugh? I've got enough to deal with picking up 

after Jamie Tartt since he can't stop making everyone miserable." He holds up his hands in surrender. 

"Alright, alright, just a joke," he laughs a little. "You wanted to look though." 

"You are just like the other idiots. So full of your own self importance, you all think everyone wants you." He narrows his eyes and takes another step towards you.

"At the risk of sounding like any of those pricks, tell me you don't?"

"What makes you think-"

"Humour me." He looks at you like he might devour you at any moment, his eyes dark with just a hint of mirth. He knows what you think about when you see him. You feel your breath quicken, and the urge to press your thighs together is desperate, but you don't want to give him the satisfaction of being right. Before he can catch you in a lie, he forces you to take one final step back against your desk and leans down to capture your mouth in a messy, obscene kiss. 

 

The shock of it makes you gasp, giving him access to deepen the kiss. Your hands grip at his shoulders to keep him close, trying to get him even closer if it's possible. He leans you back against your desk, the edge of it digging into the back of your thighs while his hands are trying to touch as much of you as possible. By leaning back on the desk, he can kiss along your jawline. It would be impossible now to make out that you don't want him, your greedy hands roam up his arms and into his hair and the sighs and moans he's pulling from you with just a kiss are insane. The length of his body presses against the length of yours and you feel him hard against your hip. Feeling how much he wants you only makes you need him more. Your hand brushes across the front of his jeans, making him jerk to meet it. He breaks the kiss and watches you breathlessly as you move to undo the button in the waistband. You can tell he's about to ask if you're sure, so you place a soft kiss to his lips,

"I want you to fuck me," you tell him quietly. There is still just a hint of hesitation in your voice, but it's more a fear that he'll reject you than anything else. 

"Fucking hell." He sighs into you. He grips your hips and turns you to face the desk, you rest on your forearms. He has your skirt rucked up around your waist in no time at all and nudges your feet a little further apart. You don't have the time or inclination to feel embarrassed or to consider something more meaningful. The singular thought in your mind is having him inside you. You hear the tear of a condom wrapper and feel him at your core. His hand cups you first, wanting to check that you're ready. "You're so fucking wet," he mutters almost proudly. He gives your hip a little squeeze of warning and pushes inside you. 

"God, Roy yesss," you hiss as he fills you completely. Fully seated, he pauses just a minute to reach down and sweep your hair to one side so he can kiss your neck, "please, Roy-" you push back against him, desperate for more. He takes the hint and pounds into you over and over. He’s hitting exactly where you need him with each thrust, and it's enough to have you believing in some sort of deity. You can feel the pressure building and you're so close to the edge it's overwhelming. "I'm so close, please daddy-" the words tumble from you, unfiltered and unexpectedly - that is a brand new one for you, and when you feel his pace slow just slightly, you're terrified that you've repelled him. He moans low in his chest and redoubles his efforts, unyielding, until you come hard, crying out his name. 

"Say it again," he whispers against your ear, his body draped over your back. His hand reaches around to rub circles over your clit and you're so sensitive that the payback is almost immediate and you can feel another orgasm building. 

"Fuck, make me come again daddy," you beg. He does exactly that within seconds of you asking, his own release coming at the same time. He holds your hips while your legs shake, his forehead resting on the center of your back. He slips out of you and disposes of the condom before turning you gently to rest you back against the desk. You keep your head down, chin to chest, mortified at what's just happened until his nose nudges against yours and he kisses you softly. 

"Holy fucking shit, I should threaten to complain again, that was insane," he breathes, still holding your hips and trying to get you to look up at him. 

"I shouldn’t ha-"

"No, don't do that. You're definitely going to say it again," he chuckles against you, "I fucking promise you'll say it again." 

 

FIN

[holocene-sims]

next // previous

october 1, 2021 4:15 p.m. grant's house

[juhani] hello? grant, can i call you tomorrow? it’s late.

[grant] no, you can’t. i know it’s 11 o’clock where you are right now, and i don’t really care. you answered, so you’ve trapped yourself.

[varpu, faintly] juha, if you don’t talk now, he will never call you back.

[juhani] i want to speak with you, of course i do, it’s just–

[grant] fantastic, because that’s what we’re doing. we’re talking! i have 30 years of stuff to get off my chest, and i'm sure you have your own piece to share. not sure where to start, but.

[juhani] may i ask you a question? what did you overhear at dinner the other night? are you upset i'm moving? is that it?

[grant] i mean, that stung a little after the whole “i’ll be around to build a relationship with you,” thing, but i gave you my express permission to go home, so it’s whatever. we are both adults, so i am not going to fault you for making adult decisions that improve your life. i'm more upset by you claiming you didn’t tell me about your plans or include me in the moving and wedding stuff and whatever because i'm difficult.

[juhani] that’s not what–

[grant] oh, come on. don’t kid yourself. you said it yourself, anything involving me is like pulling teeth. i heard it loud and clear.

[juhani] well, when i tell you things, you never react well. it always goes precisely like this conversation is going.

[grant] really? never? because i remember being pretty positive about your proposal and about you contacting me in the first place and about coming to dinner to acquaint myself with varpu’s kids and about meeting varpu a while back…

[grant] what i react poorly to is you leaving me out, you calling me difficult, you complaining about me in front of impressionable people, etcetera.

[juhani] i don’t want to leave you out.

[grant] that’s what varpu said, too, but i didn’t believe her, so why would i believe you?

[juhani] i have no idea how to interact with you. i've apologized to you, told you i regret the events of your childhood. nothing works.

[grant] do you regret it? because it kind of just feels like you’re doing the same shit again. abandoning me for your own self-interests. oh, and this time you’re replacing me with a brand new family you treat better.

[juhani] i'm not repl–okay, what would you prefer me do when you push me away? you told me i was difficult.

[grant] when did i say that? i mean, that's true, sure, but i would not say that to you. what i probably said that you’re misconstruing is that talking to you is hard because i'm not comfortable around you.

[juhani] and how long will it take you to be comfortable around me? i don’t know what else you want me to do. truly, i don’t, and it is not pleasant to be rejected endlessly.

[grant] well, i'd have to forgive you, but i don’t. if forgiveness was meant to happen, it would not be instant. you’d have to keep trying with me, even if i piss you off, even if i push you away. you’re my fucking father, it’s your job. you show up for your kid even if they’re horrible or annoying. you never turn your back on them. but, you know, you didn’t show up for the first 22 years you were around, so you’d have to try extra hard now to change my mind.

[grant] but honestly, i will never be comfortable around you. i've realized that over the last few days. i did actually think if you just kept trying, i'd relax and be less on edge, but nope. you could become an honest-to-god saint tomorrow, and i'll still be furious because nothing will make me understand why you couldn’t have been a decent person when i was a kid. like, when i needed you.

[grant] and i don’t get why you weren't. i don't. i'm serious. i can’t comprehend it. clearly, you have it in you to be a decent person. you love varpu's kids. you're fatherly towards them. you take them on vacation, you invite them to house and wedding venue tours, you tell them about and include them in your hobbies, you remember details about them, you smile at them without being forced, you go to their weddings and don’t flip out about them being queer even though you were viscerally disgusted with me when you found out–

[juhani] you shouldn’t bring them into this. it isn’t fair. and i've taken you on vacation before, for one.

[grant] i am being petty, but i think it's fair because i'm not shitting on them specifically. and yeah, okay, you took me on vacation once. you took me to finland exactly once, but i never met your family, and i remember nothing other than the plane rides.

[grant] and you shouldn’t do this. we don’t need to split hairs. you don’t need to crawl through that list of grievances and “well, actually” me as many times as you can manage. one vacation changes nothing. that does not erase all the times you sat there like a lame duck and ignored me or mocked me or let my mother abuse me. there is nothing for you to pat yourself on the back about.

[grant] nothing.

[juhani] so, what are you upset about now?

[grant] why?

[juhani] why what?

[grant] why are you like this? why were you a terrible father? why have no heart for me or my sisters? why did you save all your love for someone else’s kids?

[grant] oh, and how about cerise? you sure didn’t care about your bastard kids either, did you?

[grant] shit. i'm sorry. that just kind of came out. that’s not how i wanted to, you know, pepper that into this conversation. i was going to save that for the end.

[juhani] how do you know about her?

[grant] doesn't matter. it's a long story.

[grant] on that note, what is up with the secret daughter? how’d that happen? is she the only one, too, or should i be on the lookout for any other siblings? and hey, you only divorced my mother in the last few years, so you were cheating. how many times did you fuck around on her, and why would you? you wouldn’t divorce her because you were afraid of her, but apparently it's no big deal to cheat.

[juhani] grant, how can i answer you if you don't allow me to talk? cerise’s mother michelle is a doctor. your mother and i were both at a conference in detroit about healthcare outreach, and…

[juhani] i know it seems contradictory, given how long i stayed with your mother, but i was unhappy in the marriage. i met michelle there at the conference, and she was kind and intelligent, and i suppose the rest of the story should be obvious to you.

[grant] goddamn, man. i hate my mother, but that’s bold: sleeping with another woman right in front of her face.

[grant] did she ever find out?

[juhani] eventually. you remember how she was with the finances. she tracked all the money going in and out of the household. you couldn’t have one cent go missing without being accused of something, and she’d always blame it on some incident with her brother and start ranting about him.

[juhani] look, the agreement with michelle was that i'd stay out of her life and send child support, and she wouldn’t interfere with my family either. i used to lie and tell your mother the child support funds were going somewhere important, but she didn't believe me very long. she did finally question me and find out the truth.

[grant] and?

[juhani] in hindsight, her reaction reminds me a lot of the one she had when you lashed out at her during your graduation dinner. very little left her speechless, but that did. initially, i should clarify. she would go on to never let me live cerise’s existence down.

[juhani] and to answer your question, as far as i know, cerise is the only other child.

[grant] as far as you know?

[juhani] i cannot rule out further surprises.

[grant] jesus christ. my grandmother is right, all men are dogs, but you most of all.

[juhani] does it upset you that much?

[grant] again, i don’t like my mother, but if i needed any more proof that you’re more spineless than a sea sponge, this is it. you were so unhappy with my mother that you’d cheat on her, but you’d not divorce her when your kids were vulnerable.

[grant] you disgust me. you slept around and thought with your dick before you spared a single thought for the kids you let my mother abuse. or for yourself! fuck you. if you’re going to be that selfish, at least be selfish enough to prioritize yourself and leave the woman making you that miserable!

[grant] and now i don’t believe you when you say you wouldn’t leave her back then because you were scared of her. do you seriously mean to tell me it’s less terrifying to cheat on her than to just walk out of the house and never come back?

[grant] i did that, you know? when i'd had enough of my mother, i told her as much and then never spoke to her again. and guess what? wouldn’t you be so stunned to find out she’s never tracked me down, never tried to call or email to reel me back in? she left me alone after i told her to go fuck herself!

[grant] and technically, you know it's possible to leave her, too. what did you say about the divorce? that she just rolled over and let you do it and was fine with you just coughing up all the assets and dipping?

[grant] exhibits A, B, and C that she’s a coward, too. she thinks she’s the boss, but if you fight back hard enough, she gives up. you could have left her at any point in time.

[grant] god. oh my god. you stupid, spineless motherfucker. i thought i'd maxed out on anger. apparently not!

[grant] you really could have been a better father. you could have had your whole little life overhaul decades ago, and you could have saved the entire family so much pain. you, me, elizabeth, kelly…

[grant] i should have suspected as much, and i guess i did, but it's shocking to realize over and over just how useless you are as a father. i think it can't get any worse and then it does. you are a complete and utter failure as a parent.

[grant] this is why i can’t forgive you. you didn’t have to mess up so badly. but no. whatever you got out of the relationship was enough to convince you to sit there and watch my mother ruin all of us, and even thought you weren't happy with her, you got by with fucking other women and only regretted staying a billion years later when you noticed you had nothing of substance left in life but my mother. and that’s a pretty depressing way to live, isn’t it?

[juhani] i stayed because i thought we deserved each other.

[grant] with that attitude, maybe you did.

[grant] listen, i'll admit this, no problem. it’s no one’s fault that she is the way that she is. it’s not even yours. she’s abusive, and what she does to other people is her fault and her responsibility. she’s excellent, too, at convincing you to just go along with it and never question her. it's not that hard to get caught in her trap at first, and she will try her very best to break you. but at some point, you have to question anyway. at some point, you have to recognize you deserve better and do something about it.

[grant] but you didn’t. not until it was too late for it to mean anything.

[grant] i would never think i've done everything right, but in the end, i've respected myself enough to make better choices and do something about the situation i was in, and i've had to do that because the adults in my life weren’t responsible or organized enough to fix things before responsibility fell into my hands.

[juhani] you are a braver and a better man than i.

[grant] i'm glad i am, but do you know how exhausting it is to be brave all the time?

[grant] i am because you weren’t. it is entirely because you failed. you weren’t brave enough to give a fuck about yourself or your kids, so i've had to be brave my entire life. brave enough to survive my childhood, then brave enough to leave. and guess what? i don’t want to be brave. i just want to exist. and back then, i just wanted to be a kid.

[grant] just a kid.

[grant] i wanted to come home from school and play with my pokemon cards and hear my mom and my dad say, “hi honey! how was your day? we love you!" i didn’t want to live in fear of what horror would befall me each and every day.

[grant] fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. you stole my childhood. you stole elizabeth’s childhood. you stole kelly’s childhood.

[grant] you and my mother, but you could have done something. you could have given us our childhoods back. you could have done something! you should have done something!

[grant] you didn’t have to do everything right even. parents mess up, i know that, but you could have at least tried. the bar was on the floor. i would have over the moon living in a single parent household with a father who at least showed up to my hockey games if he wasn’t busy at work and gave me a hug every once in a while.

[grant] and you know what, you did more than steal our childhoods. because you couldn’t stand to sacrifice your comfort long enough to take care of your kids, we all have to live in permanent hell. i have to spend the rest of my life freaking out when someone walks up behind me or speaks too loudly or–god forbid–touches me! it took me years to finally learn not to flinch when someone high fives me! and kelly–i don’t know what she deals with, but i know her life can’t be peaceful.

[grant] again, i am not blaming you for what my mother did–i know she was not kind to you either– but i do blame you for not even trying to stop her or get away from her. you were an adult with power, and you didn't use an ounce of it. actually, you did use it, just not for good. you threw me specifically under the bus because it was easier to let my mother use me as a punching bag than you.

[juhani] you’re right.

[juhani] you’re right, grant.

[grant] i have nothing else to say, short of "fuck you" again. i think i'm done yelling at you.

[grant] no, wait, one last thing. what did you even see in my mother in the first place? what was so enticing about her that you’d stay with her so long and ditch your college sweetheart for her?

[juhani] i don’t know. i don’t know anymore.

[grant] i guess it was two people drawn to each other's misery.

[grant] great. well, that’s all, folks.

[grant] good luck with the new family. maybe you can make it right with someone else and enjoy a totally fresh start because you will never make it right with me, and i will never let you forget what you did to me and my sisters. and don’t lose varpu again, by the way. she is, like, far out of your league–so far it's not even funny–and you are lucky to have this second chance with her and to have a good relationship with her kids.

[grant] also, just so it's clear, i don't want to speak to you anymore after this. don't call me, i won't call you either, except in one circumstance. i'll consider it on the day my mother kicks the bucket. we can toast to the end of that chapter of our lives and hope that the haunting ends. because surely you have to feel a little haunted, too, right? i have a sinking suspicion that’s why you reconnected with me. you don’t care about me. you care about that fresh start, about making yourself feel better about wasting your life and fucking up everyone around you.

[zelda-cooper]

Siblings Conversation

First post of 2025, officially! A little warning at the beginning, the following text will have some self-depressing messages from the character of Ace/Alec. If you identify with this, seek help. This scene is kind of from the "first episode" of my rewrite of Loonatics, I hope you like it. I accept constructive criticism to improve my writing. Thanks...

The rabbit boy stopped walking aimlessly for a while, finally deciding to stop and digest everything... He sat down on a holographic bench with metal plates... It wasn't one of the most comfortable seats, but it was enough for him to spend a few minutes with his thoughts. He brought his hand to his forehead, massaging it to try to control some impulsive thoughts. He wanted to scream, break something, anything to vent his anger about the phone call he had just received, but that would attract attention... Very negative attention...

— "I'm missing something"...? But I fit the requirements of everything they wanted in the film! — Alec asked himself, he hadn't accepted that excuse from the director. — I was one of the few who managed to do those maneuvers and I didn't mess up in the performance this time!

He lowered his head, pulling at his ears as he gritted his teeth... Until he felt a hand on his shoulder, a comforting touch...

— Alec, are you okay? — his sister's voice echoed in a worried tone, making him release his own ears and look at her.

— Ah... I... Hey, Lexi! Sorry, I just wanted some fresh air, you know? — Alec tried to maintain his usual calm demeanor, forcing a smile to show that he was fine.

— Sure, sure... Fresh air with that sky? — the rabbit girl pointed upwards, the holographic sky of the park was missing for a few seconds, but it was possible to see the smoke of the city in the meantime.

The gray-haired rabbit sighed, going to one end of the bench and resting his arm on one of its handles, while Lexi sat on the other side, giving him the space he needed.

— Look... I know this was the... I don't know... The tenth time you've failed, but... — she said, trying to be respectful of his situation. — On the bright side, I can help you with the bills now and, besides that, I found another place with a job offer.

— I'll pass... — the gray rabbit was dry in his speech, looking away. — I don't want to involve you in my personal problems... Much less cause you harm...

— Alec... You would never harm me! Okay, maybe one or two when you steal my clothes, but still? — the cream-haired bunny asked, slightly irritated.

He laughed in a somewhat forced way, his ears lowered a little, continuing to not look at his twin sister.

— Lexi, I don't know if you understand the pattern... I didn't get any leading roles in movies, only as an extra! — Her tone of voice almost rose, but she held back her anger to keep from shouting. — It's obvious that they don't want a "cute bunny" who came from the underground, from the poorest place, as the protagonist in an action movie or any other that isn't a comedy.

— Well, that's not true... — Lexi tried again to start a calmer dialogue, but she couldn't continue.

— I know it is... And anyway... This stupid dream won't give me money to pay the bills... — he finally looked at her. — But, you... He... You're working with what you love! You're working with something related to music and your students love you. And I'm proud of you.

The rabbit was going to say something, but hesitated... Thoughtful... Until she was caught by a sudden hug from her brother.

— I... I'm really proud of who you are now... — he repeated, tearing up slightly.

— Alec... — the cream rabbit then freezes... Seeming to have been startled by something...

— I... Have to go... Bye. — The gray-haired bunny then gets up and leaves the place, before his sister can say anything.

The bunny girl remained silent, she seemed a little shocked, but... Not even she knew why... But she remembered hearing something in her mind... And, definitely, it wasn't the first time and it was never a good thing when it echoed to her.

"I'm a failure... I shouldn't have been born... I'll never amount to anything... I will never be enough for anyone..."

[aziraphales-library]

Hi 😊 I know there is an endless amount of fics in which Crowley is summoned and often saved by Aziraphale, but are there any in which Aziraphale summons him for any reason, preferably set before S1, but I'd take anything 😁 Thank you!

Hello. We have #summoning and #demon summoning tags you might be interested in. Here are some fics in which Aziraphale summons Crowley...

The Summoning by ghost_daddy (G)

Crowley is discorporated. Aziraphale takes it upon himself to try and bring him back.

A summoning surprise by RainbowCloud31 (T)

Aziraphale is worried. What if confessing to crowley brings heavenly wrath down on his love? He can't risk it. He's needs to find someone to ask. There's only one angel that he could turn to for this, and he hopes for the best.

Cherry Picking by pilatesandpinot (E)

While doing some self-love in a time of quarantine, Aziraphale accidentally summons Crowley into his bookshop. Thankfully, Crowley is all for it, and smut ensues, and there's schwarzwalder kirschtorte somehow involved too. So, angel has his cake and eats it too! *ba-dum-tsk* Aka, the one where they didn’t stay six feet apart.

On summoning and consent by GayDemonicDisaster (E)

What happens when a bored and lonely human bookseller accidentally summons an incubus demon? … Well ok, it wasn’t *entirely* accidental. He meant to do it, he just didn’t really believe it was going to work, at least until Crowley turned up. Which leaves him with a dilemma: how can you be sure that the incredibly handsome demon who just appeared really wants to sleep with you, and isn’t just saying that because he’s bound by the summoning? Fretting over his ethical dilemma, they come up with a solution that will prove that Crowley really does want to sleep with Aziraphale, and after that… Well, Crowley wants to keep his beautiful angelic bastard forever. And he’s a very clever demon who knows how to make that happen… (And yes, every chapter title is a line from “Somebody to love” by Queen.) Comedy, fluff and smut with a happy ending, 17,200 words, story complete. Illustrated by SleepySkele, Yvesriba, Aikosakura, and IneffableChocolateCheeseCake.

Someone who won’t run away by spinner_of_yarns (G)

A drunk and lonely angel decides to contact Heaven through a summoning circle just so he’d have someone to talk to. He ends up summoning a pretty demon instead.

i'll never be lonely by john1513 (M)

Aziraphale summons a demon to his bookshop to demand (*politely ask) a little favor of him. Was it a great idea to summon a literal demon from hell to be your friend for a bit? Maybe not. But Aziraphale has been a bit lonely lately, and he's tried everything, really. Turns out the demon he calls is less Demon and more Grumpy, Cuddly Man, but, hey. He's not complaining. Aziraphale sells his soul in exchange for friendship, and gets more than he bargained for.

- Mod D

[sharpth1ng]

What do you think is mentally wrong with billy and stu other then being “insane”

I don't actually think they're insane, tbh. I'm going to give a long explanation of this but I just want to say I'm not judging you or the question. Terms like this get miss-used a lot in pop media (including in Scream) so it's easy to get the wrong idea.

"Insane" is a legal category, not a medical diagnosis. Legally, insanity refers to someone being in a state where they are so out of touch with reality that they can't be considered responsible for their actions. The way this works is complicated, but simply put if the crime was violent then it needs to be proven that the accused person didn't actually know what they were doing.

Successful insanity pleas are very very rare, both because the burden of proof is super high and because people with disorders that involve a break from reality don't commit violent crime that often at all. It's actually pretty rare.

So yeah, by that definition these two are not insane at all. They know exactly what they are doing and they intend to do it. They call themselves "psychotic" but that's also a miss-use of the term. They very clearly don't have psychosis, and aside from that people with psychosis are less likely to act violently than people who don't have it (this is a statistical fact).

On that note I just want to point out that the way media connects violence with psychotic disorders is a real problem. It stigmatizes and isolates the real people who struggle with this stuff. It causes others to judge and fear them, it makes them fear themselves, and it makes it harder for them to access treatment and care. So yeah the psychotic line in Scream is a real pet-peeve of mine, that's why I changed it in my writing.

Getting back to Billy and Stu I really don't think their issues and behaviours can be boiled down to any mental health issues. To be clear I don't think anyones bad behaviour can be boiled down to mental health issues. In some cases mental health issues can help us understand where behaviour is coming from, but they're never the only cause. So I'll talk about the way I write them in terms of the issues they deal with, but just keep in mind that these things not the cause of their actions.

I write Billy autistic partly because I am (but also because of the canonical horror movie special interest and third act meltdown) and I'd say my portrayal of Stu also indicates some type of neurodivergence- probably something like ADHD but I don't have any specific diagnosis in mind. Billy also has some attachment and trust issues- these aren't diagnosis or disorders but they are definitely things he struggles with. For his part Stu is dealing with parental neglect and struggles with loneliness as well as under-stimulation.

All of this stuff informs the way they behave with each other, the walls they put up, and the types of relationships they have with other people. For example Billy isn't emotionally open to Sidney at any point. Even if he wasn't gay there was never a possibility for their relationship to work out because he's completely closed off to her. He doesn't trust her.

In terms of what I think is truly wrong with these two it's the misogyny, the slut shaming and the self-centeredness. That's the kind of stuff that I think explains their behaviour for real, and none of it is related to their mental health issues or insecurities.

Stu is a rich white boy living in suburban California and the way I write him, so is Billy. They have shitty values and the kind of privileged upbringing that teaches men to see themselves as the main character. Billy literally has one of those scary tiktok boy moms, like when we see Nancy in Scream 2 she fully excuses all of his behaviour. He's been brought up not having to take accountability or consider the real effects of his actions. Neither of them have.

So yeah tldr: They aren't insane, they do have some legit mental health issues the way I write them, but none of that stuff causes their actions in the movie. Their actions are caused by a toxic combination of sexism and main character syndrome, which are not mental health issues.

I hope all that makes sense!

[alexanderlightweight]

Hey lumine! I hope all is well and that you're getting over the post-plague funk- I know being sick is the absolute worst.

If you happen to be taking prompts today (and totally cool if not!) I would love to see if you're interested in tangling with a continuation of either the bitter trap of truth or the craft of adoration.

For the first one, I ADORE the way Cat and Ragnor in your last piece were observing Alec so casually giving priceless nephilim intelligence to them while so clearly displaying his trust in Magnus alskjfda;lsdfjasdfadsf. so good and happy and all my favorite things with Alec happily surrendering to Magnus and being his BAMF-y self while doing so and even the utter delight of outside POV!

For the second, if that AU floats your fancy higher, my brain is just utterly stuck on that line where Magnus asks Alec to come to him at dawn because he wants his people to see Alec coming to his call, coming to heel if you will. I would be drowning in glee (to continue the watery metaphors) to see how your wonderful imagination would envision that scene occurring and what Magnus (and Magnus' people!) would think of Alec acquiescing to Magnus' request.

Hope you feel better!

the prompts themselves are compliments and incredible sweet s thank you Laws!

I realize it was a different day that this was sent but I dont remember which day and tbh, today is a good day! Mostly over the cold and my leg is finally aching less enough to think.

no outsider pov in this one, but a bit more of cat and ragnor and the magnificent team immortal because i love them and they need to be more heavily involved in this fic for a variety of reasons.

need to take @saryn-prime to a health appointment and then i'll be back to settle in and write more.

i ened up really feeling the bitter trap of truth today and its been on my mind for days and my fingers have been aching to write it. hope you enjoy and are doing well!

<3 lumine

-

It’s past noon when Magnus’ wards flare and he leaves Alexander where he is, splayed out across the bed and face burrowed into a pillow. It’s been enough time that Catarina and Ragnor’s visit can only mean one thing.

Magnus will finally have his answer.

If he was wise to trust Alexander or if his boy has so easily betrayed him.

Alexander won’t face punishment from the warlocks.

Even if he’s played them, it’s one of his own people who have died and Magnus already knows that the Clave won’t punish him for it. If anything, they’ll reward him for ensuring that

But Magnus’ heart will still ache at being tricked.

Neither of his dear companions are in his apothecary, instead they are practically relaxed. Well, as relaxed as they can be when exhaustion haunts their visage. Catarina is splayed out on the sofa and Ragnor has nearly melted into his favorite armchair, pipe puffing peacefully away as Catarina summons three drinks.

“A toast!” She offers and her soft smile nearly breaks Magnus.

She wouldn’t be smiling or toasting if she brought ill news.

“It worked?” He asks, even thought he knows it has to have. But years of agonizing betrayal make him ask, he has to know.

“It’s as if she were never ill.” Catarina confirms and her eyes gleam with mocking humor. “I’ve never seen someone so mortified and furious to be saved.”

“It should also be noted that she’s of a much lower rank than your shadowhunter.” Ragnor gives a quiet sigh and blows out a ring of smoke. “I rather doubt she even knew what the poison would do beyond killing her and striking a blow to the downworld. She seemed utterly shocked that we managed to find an antidote.”

“Did you tell them how we managed?”

“And risk them finding even more obscure poisons?” Cat laughs and shakes her head. “No, let them think I somehow found an antidote. If they knew the treasure trove of willing information your boy is, well…”

She trails off with an apologetic shrug and Magnus just nods. Cat’s not wrong. If anything, she’s being generous with how delicate she’s being. It also means that Magnus is going to have to be very careful with who he shares information about Alec with.

The Council would no doubt want to interrogate him for all the answers he would be able to give, but Magnus would rather play the long game. Alexander is unique, in more ways than one and while he doubts that his hunter would dare lie before the Elders, he also doesn’t want more attention drawn to him.

Not before Magnus is completely sure.

Magnus’ heart has been wounded too many times for this one action to convince him, but it has done what he hoped.

Catarina and Ragnor are both now willing to give Alexander a chance, a real chance and that is worth more to Magnus than anything else.

— Alec is beginning to think that he’s never going to wake up with Magnus wrapped around him, or wrapped around Magnus. Every time he thinks he’s going to be able to enjoy sunlight and warm, bare skin and golden eyes, something comes up.

Alec is almost ready to just haul Magnus back to bed, but he doesn’t think they’re quite there yet.

It’s with careful consideration that he bites his lip hard enough to bleed. Instantly, the nearly scalding feeling of Magnus’ blood working through his veins lights up. He enjoy it for a few seconds as it heals the damage and then its gone… and no Magnus appears after it.

Alec follows the tug of his bond with Magnus, teeth playing with his lip — which burns in admonishment — and finds himself holding back a soft chuckle. Magnus’ friend Ragnor — someone who Alec knows is a highly revered potion master — is asleep in an armchair. He’s blowing smoke rings as he snores and Magnus and Catarina — who Alec knows is an incredibly talented and powerful healer — are splayed out together on the couch.

Magnus appears to be trying to give her a foot massage, but she’s asleep and his eyes are slipping shut, head nodding forward.

Alec huffs another silent breath of laughter and — with all the skill that he was once taught in order to be a better killer — collects several of Magnus’ extravagant throws.

Because Alec is nothing if not petty, he very carefully lays the cabbage green monstrosity of a tartan throw on Ragnor. Careful not to get close enough that the warlock wakes and thinks it an attack and then settles the large umber blanket over Catarina and Magnus both.

While he’s careful not to touch either of Magnus’ friends, he can’t help but settle a pillow under Magnus head and smooths the hair falling into his eyes away.

It’s a gentle, whisper of a kiss that he presses to Magnus’ hair and then he grabs the book he’d left on the table the night before.

As he settles on the floor next to Magnus, resting his head on Magnus’ leg and being careful to stay out of range of Catarina — he doesn’t know her after all — a glimpse of movement catches his attention.

Ragnor’s eyes meet his and Alec just nods, simple and acknowledging and then he opens the book he grabbed and settles in. If Magnus didn’t want him around his friends when they’re vulnerable then the magic of the loft wouldn’t have let him in.

The blankets probably aren’t necessary, but Alec is Magnus’ husband now. And while Alec is still figuring out his new position in life he does know how to take care of people. Mostly his soldiers and his siblings but still, if he softens his touch a bit, he’s sure he’ll manage just find at taking care of Magnus and his friends.

If this — being allowed in the same room as three vulnerable warlocks — is another sign that Magnus is trusting him, well then Alec is going to take full advantage of it.

While also not giving Magnus any reason to doubt him.

[jibbi]

Taylor Swift haters are so loud - it's annoying

I feel like this isn't talked about enough. I get there's some insane Swifties who talk about her all the time, collect so much merch, cry if they can't go to her concerts, etc. - every fandom has insane people in it. BUT, why are the supposed Taylor Swift "haters" not getting called out? Because, I can tell you right now, they are just as loud as the insane fans.

Speaking from personal experience, I've adored Taylor since age 10, but I don't try to make other people like her or talk about her nonstop. Because my family knows I'm a fan, they feel the need to use Taylor as a punching bag every chance they get. I would say it's done since it elicits a negative reaction from me...but it doesn't. I don't take offense to them not liking her (admittedly, I myself don't even like all her songs). I just find it purely annoying how frequently they feel the need to make jabs at her for no reason.

I'll give an example. A pop song I don't like comes on the radio. Someone in my family will smirk and be like, "At least it's better than any of Taylor Swift's songs." Like, why do you feel the need to say that? My thoughts are that it's self-projection. People who claim they "hate" Taylor Swift and/or her music most likely like a few of her songs but don't want to be labeled as "basic" or a Swiftie. They shame themselves in liking her at least some of her music, even though 1) you don't have to feel shame in liking something that's popular (it's popular for a reason) and 2) you don't have to be a part of a singer's fandom for liking a few of their songs (just like you don't transition from a fan to a hater for disliking one or more of her songs).

I know people in my family have also said it's "music for 13-year-olds." Maybe that is a decent portion of her audience, yes. BUT, it doesn't mean that you should feel ashamed if you like it just because it's not seemingly geared towards someone your own age. Taylor Swift has also had a variety of genres: country, folk, and pop. It makes sense she has a huge audience. Most people can find at least one or two songs of hers that appeal to them. Additionally, something my ex told me - who's a Swiftie that grew up in China - is that there's a lot less shame in other countries for liking Taylor Swift. He had a number of guyfriends who are proud Swifties. He said when he moved to America, he noticed a lot more men who claim they don't like her. There's definitely a difference in culture and societal standards, and I'm glad he made me even more aware of this.

Even if you're saying things about her like, "she doesn't deserve Grammy awards," she's worked in the music industry for almost 20 years now and put in a lot of effort to get to where she is today. Discrediting Taylor Swift's efforts just because you don't like her music is incredibly stupid. You look at where she started in country music to how ridiculously famous she is in the pop industry, it's a stark difference and very admirable that her efforts got her to where she is now.

And, if you're claiming you hate who she is as a person, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me either. Taylor Swift isn't known for being involved in a lot of scandals or being ill intentioned. There's never even been a time in her career where a massive group of people was trying to "cancel" her. I feel that's admirable, too, because you look at other famous artists like Ariana Grande who's widely viewed as a homewrecker and as disrespectful for that one time she licked a donut. I'm not saying you have to think Taylor is great or amazing, and I know she's not perfect by any means, but strongly hating her seems really odd to me, especially since I've never heard good reason behind why someone hates her as a person.

At the end of the day, there's people who do and don't like Taylor Swift. It's okay if you don't actually like her music - that's fine! But, when you crap on other people for liking her or make unnecessary jabs at her whenever you see an opportunity, it's weird and uncalled for. Typically, if someone is that loud about crapping on someone or something, it means they have some sort of liking or passion that they're hiding. I said what I said. I will d*e on that hill.

(Also, god forbid they show her for two seconds during your football game. They do that with a lot of fans sitting in the stadium, watching the game, not just with Taylor Swift. And, think of it this way: they could show more of her and take advantage of the fact that she's there, considering how big she is, but they don't.)

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Unironically, do you have any advice on how to become "a town bicycle" as you phrased it? I've called myself a slut (aspirational) for ages, but it just doesn't seem to click. At this point I can't tell if I'm too picky, or if my city/region is simply not conducive to being a transmasc ho.

Maaaan friend, I gotta say I do not recommend my path to town bike behavior, it ended up fine and I genuinely enjoy myself now with some great partners but uhhhh. It wasn't a clean line of progress lets say. I actually took a break from my slut behavior to be monogamous with a girl in college for a year specifically because something really fucked up happened and the other person involved did exactly everything right by bowing the fuck out, so I had to really sit down with myself and understand the difference between sex as intimacy and affection and sex as self-destruction, you know?

So like, ultimately my best advice for achieving your town bike goals is like. Just get curious about sex generally and find what you like, and then start talking to people really directly (this is terrifying at first specifically BECAUSE it is meant to act as a filter: you are removing from your fuckability pool anyone who is uncomfortable with/unwilling to become comfortable with the communication necessary to be safely and happily slutting it up) about the things you like doing and inviting them to do it with you if you want.

I think my current process looks like "set up 1-2 local dating profiles that are really explicitly NOT looking for long term romantic relationships (it is important to be decisive here, the other town bikes are less likely to fuck you if they think you're going to get all up in your feelings about it or that you don't really know what you want from a partner). I usually say I'm looking for friends and short term/casual relationships because for me the critical factors are: A) I'm too aro to waste my energy on you if we aren't at least friends, literally everything about my life is me performing intense emotional labor for desperate and vulnerable people, I am here to let go of that responsibility, and I can only do that if I know who the fuck you is, B) my performance with partners is inconsistent due to disability, and I need people to be invested enough IN ME to be game to work with me on that, and while it's nice when a booty call is up for that, understandably that reduces THEIR ability to bow out of any emotional labor they're not up for, and I find that tends to erode the quality of encounters over time, fucking my friends works out way more regularly (to any of my friends reading this I have the feeling yall know me well enough by now to know intellectually I would happily fuck each and every one of you if you were into the idea, but I don't pursue sex with friends unless that was the agreement from the beginning, love yall babes 💚), and lastly C) I do not have the time for actual long term relationships right now. I'm not OPPOSED to them, but the act of dating and building relationship dynamics with a full partner in my life is.....woof, not the goal right now. Sometimes I fuck a friend long enough that it happens organically (hey wifey baby you're still my best friend forever) but outside of that I have literally never "dated" normally but for the college first year girlfriend.

That's really all I have in terms of practical advice, but I do have like. A framework thing to try and parse out for ya.

I use the phrase "town bike" the same way I call myself a dyke. When you hear a word spat at you during a fagbash, you usually go one of two ways: Option 1) anyone who uses this word around or about me is a monster and I will never trust them again, or Option 2) yeah I fucking am, and if you don't like it I'll beat the shit out of you myself

I come from a long line of oppositional little bitches who physically couldn't pick option 1 to save their lives (not a joke this has been tested multiple times by multiple family members in stories I have shared and stories that literally no one will ever hear) so naturally when the slut shaming started (important to name that I went through a multi-spectrum abnormal puberty starting at age 8) in elementary school, I just kinda kept doubling down all the way through high school

Critically, I did not have sex of any kind until I was 17, and by that point I had carried the Town Bike reputation for YEARS. It wasn't earned, it was inflicted. So I made it mine. And like. It wasn't wrong. I was a hypersexual kid from puberty on, I think I masturbated for the first time when I was like 11 (I traumatized my mother so badly with the aftermath because I made stupid horny child choices and injured myself and she apparently spent years spiraling in guilt for "failing me" in my developmental sex ed lmao), and all through high school I had to replace my vibrator WAY too often from overuse, not to mention I was fully just writing porn in classes while being openly queer and horny about it. So I get how it happened. And I'm not mad about the life it led me to. But critically, this is RECLAMATION behavior. And I hate to say it, but the "damned if you do, damned if you don't" doctrine that guides that behavior means that if you want to be culturally compatible with the other people doing that same reclamation, you're probably going to have to develop a degree of amorality REAL FUCKIN FAST

The people I fuck are not people you just find out in the world and talk to. We flag for each other on dating sites. There's dogwhistles of course, but to a degree it's similar to intra-communal gaydar right? You can sort of feel when someone is family, and when you do, you throw out some early tests to see where the person actually falls. I find that your typical gay milennial/zoomer actually doesn't have a lot of experience with this process because most of us have actually never had to find each other from the angle of underground and criminalized communities due to the work of our forebears. That's changing, and maybe we'll see the skill develop fast, or maybe we'll see a sudden spike of loneliness and isolation, I'm not really sure.

My point is, I fuck people that I know FOR A FACT people whose opinion I respect would deem "bad/immoral people". I know because I've lost relationships over this shit. I know because I've BEEN the deal breaker for someone else's familym i know because I have fucked people *I* thought made bad choices even if I don't think they're bad people. And the thing is, you don't HAVE to fuck anyone right, that's not what I'm saying, and there have absolutely been people I refused to fuck because I couldn't stomach them morally. But like. You need to be able to tell the difference between "i have internalized this person's actions/choices as immoral" and "I think this person's actions/choices are immoral." Because a LOT of the coolest town bike community you will ever meet is filled with people actively dealing with addiction, severe and disabling mental or physical health needs, stigmatized or illegal work, heavy fetish play, etc. And it's all fine and good to be chill with that conceptually, but will you actually still be chill about it when you show to the play party and the group includes people who have sex in ways that scare you or make you uncomfortable, and you have to be able to be chill about them doing it AROUND you not just somewhere conceptually in the void where you can't see it. I don't say this as a criticism or anything right? I think it is genuinely really valueable to know BEFORE something like that happens, what you are INTELLECTUALLY chill with versus what you are PRACTICALLY chill with. My threshhold is uh. High. I have always been very service oriented even before I understood that as a sexual or romantic thing, and as much as I'm sure there's some neuroses wrapped up in there, it's also genuinely deeply and positively pleasurable to me to be of service to my partners physically, especially because it is something that can be difficult for me, so I really treasure my chances. That service orientation works in my favor in situations like this because as long as I am somewhat emotionally invested in a person (a partner, a scene friend, and community acquaintance, etc) I receive real satisfaction and physical pleasure from THEIR expressions of and demonstrations of easure and satisfaction. Functionally, this means I've played with a lot of people in ways that I would never do for me and still really enjoyed. I will also probably never do them again! When I was young, for whatever reason, a lot of my early sexting partners had foot fetishes (my feet are somewhat unique in shape and appearance, and apparently a particular niche of foot fetishists were desperate for that in like 2010) but it does nothing for me on its own, truly. I was chill sending them pics and shit, and I enjoyed their response, but wasn't for me. I wondered if that would ever be an issue! But then one day years later I was fucking a dude with some fetishes he wanted to explore, and he nervously brings up feet and I'm like shit bruh I got you lets go, and I'll be real I had SO MUCH FUN giving him footjobs, genuinely super erotic.

I still don't fucking like feet.

So like, stuff like that can happen! Sex is weird! Brains are weird about sex! But if you can find the fun and the joy and you can be chill with people living their best life trying to do the same in different ways, than babes you ain't gonna need advice for becoming a tri-county menace, that'll just happen on its own lmao

[spectrechosts]

Beast Of Burden - Chapter 10

Full Series

'Don't do anything rash', hmph! As if Lunaeris needs to be told that. She acts only after determining the best, most decisive course of action her considerable intellect can conjure.

"Father!" She declares, barging into the throne room. "We are going to war."

"What!? Why!?"

A good question. Why are they going to war?

"I'm short on details at the moment." She says, waving her hand dismissively. "But Kallixenia's order is under attack! We must assist them."

"Who on earth is attacking them?" Her father asks, concerned. He's getting bogged down in the particulars, of course, when time is of the essence.

"I'm... not sure, exactly." Lunaeris admits. "However-"

"Lunaeris..."

She whines loudly.

"I'll send some scouts to investigate the situation, but I can't in good conscience send our people to fight a war we don't know anything about." Says her father. "Even if I could; we took heavy losses from the demons, and we're still rooting out their remnants. I don't know that we have the forces to spare."

He is, admittedly, making points.

"Gah, fine." Lunaeris groans. "But I'm headed out there to help."

"You- R-Right now?" He asks.

"Within the hour."

"Oh dear." Her father mumbles, not expecting that his promise to let her go would be tested so soon, or in such dire circumstances. "Do... Do be careful?"

With another dismissive wave and a frustrated 'myeh' of acknowledgment, Lunaeris leaves to pack her things.

A schism! Those fuckers, those absolute fuckers! Gods, what was she thinking, of course the church wouldn't let Kallie change her oath even if the gods would, how would they sell her life away-

Wait, how would they sell her life away anyway? Even if she were keeping her oath, Kallie's already bound to her. Is her dad still paying them? That would be stupid.

Ugh, it doesn't matter! Lunaeris gathers up her adventuring gear, raids the storerooms for more potions because- well, she's here, she may as well; and makes her way back to the throne room.

"Are you still paying the church for Kallie's services?" She asks her father, who is in the middle of sending for his scouts.

"...No? I paid upfront for her protection, spared no expense. She's sworn to you for life." He says. "Doubly so now, I would think. You are married to her."

"But then why would- Ugh!" Lunaeris huffs.

"Did you find out what's going on?"

"No! That's the problem!" She whines. "The church is mad at her and I don't know why and-"

"The church?"

"A schism, she said! Or, someone said, I don't know who- It doesn't matter!"

"I've heard nothing of this." Says the king, frowning. He gestures to one of his messengers. "Disregard my previous orders; I want to meet with all the archbishops of the Elven church. Summon them here, urgently."

The messenger scurries off, and Lunaeris sighs.

"I- I don't know that we're involved. I don't know who's involved, besides her order."

"I rule by divine right, Lunaeris. Our church may only be one amongst many allied together, but if sides are being picked then I want it to be clear: Our kingdom stands with its princesses." He says resolutely. "Are you going on your way?"

"Yes! Yes, I- Thank you!" Lunaeris laughs shakily. "You won't regret this! I'll let you know when I've met up with them!"

"But- Do still try to be careful, yes?" Her father calls after her, stoic mask faltering a bit as she eagerly dashes off.

~

Rushing off to save someone who's about a week's travel away from you is less valiant and more frustrating than Lunaeris would like. She curses her past self for never taking much interest in any of the books her teacher had on long-distance teleportation. The pyromancies always just seemed so much more fun, so much less nausea inducing. Really, who needs to teleport more than 20 meters?

Her, apparently! Idiot.

Her communications with Kallixenia aren't comforting either. The situation is deteriorating fast- They can repel any one assault with ease, but the inquisition doesn't stop coming. Even in shifts they can barely sleep, the slow trickle of reinforcements barely keeps pace with the wounded- There simply aren't enough paladins in their order.

They need help, and she's- she's just one wizard, but that's better than nothing. Even if her father is truly supporting them in this, politics are slow. She has to do what she can before then.

Which is, ah-

Well, she can-

If she just-

Oh, hells. All of this is so much easier when you have someone to stop your enemies from simply running up and gutting you. She'd really expected to have a plan by now, but she doesn't, and she's here, and-

Maybe if she simply tags along with the inquisition forces? Like just another adventurer here for some coin? No, that puts her into far too close quarters, and how would the defending paladins tell her apart from the rest?

Perhaps she could ask Kallie to come get her? No, no, definitely not! She's behind enemy lines, what with the inquisition base camp practically overtaking the town like this. She can't ask her to fly right down here and get shot out of the sky.

Obviously she can't just start a huge fire in their camp, that'd be foolish. Obviously.

But, you know, small fires, subtle ones, ones that she can walk away from before they get going enough to draw attention- That's not a terrible idea. Just a few little sparks in some key spots, and she could really do some damage! Torch their supplies, leave them out in the cold; and then while they're all dealing with that, Kallie can come get her. All she has to do is snoop around a little! Simple!

~

Lunaeris stirs with a splitting headache, her cheek pressed to the cold, hard ground. The memories of how far she got into her plan before her capture are fuzzy, but the tent that she's in seems very not on fire.

Dammit.

"High Cleric Dione, I believe you when you say this is the best way, however-"

"There is no however! You said you wanted an alternative to the sustained assaults, she's the alternative."

High Cleric? That sounds important. Maybe she can still swing this, torch some important church dickhead.

"I worry that you overvalue your little monastery. If word of this gets back to her father-"

"Overvalue? Overvalue!?" The High Cleric squawks. "The Oath of the Bulwark- You want to talk about her father, do you know how much money it made us from him alone? How much good the church can do because of it? All those hungry fed, sick healed-"

"Dione, I've been a loyal servant of the Inquisition for fifteen years." The other woman says, rolling her eyes. "You don't need to lie to me about where the money goes." Gods Lunaeris hates these two already. This is really all just over selling Kallie's life again? How vile.

She stokes those feelings inside her, lets that hate bubble and boil until-

She coughs violently, smoke billowing from her lungs. There's- The mana can't go anywhere, it's trapped inside her, searing through her veins.

"Oh good, she's awake. Leave us." Says the High Cleric. "Trying to start another fire, Princess?"

Lunaeris takes some time to answer, choking out soot until she can breathe again. She laughs; a weak, wheezing laugh.

"So I did manage to start some?" She says, smug. "I couldn't remember."

"One." Dione answers, unimpressed. "Easily extinguished, minimal damage."

"Aw. Get these cuffs off me, I can do better."

Dione ignores her.

"You know, I've been quite curious about Princess Lunaeris." She says. "My Kallixenia was an exemplary student. A paragon of our order. I send her away, and within six months my paladins are getting wedding invitations because she's gotten involved with her charge."

She pauses, with an exasperated sigh.

"I can't say I approve, but- The will of the gods. Who am I to deny prophecy? And then the two of you run off, infuriating your father and disgracing my order." She says, putting her hand to her brow and and shaking her head. "Then, long after I had given up on seeing that particular embarrassment righted, Kallixenia returns! Princess Lunaeris is back where she belongs! I think that I can relax, my name no longer besmirched by the two of you. Not one month goes by, and my star pupil breaks her oath so badly that none can ever take it again."

She what?

"And so I have to ask myself: Who is this Princess Lunaeris? Who could have corrupted Kallixenia like this? What on earth-" She asks, looking over Lunaeris disdainfully. "-is so special about you?"

"Well, I'm really quite charming, is the thing." Says Lunaeris.

"Are you now."

"Yes, I act with a certain brash determination that's very easy to get swept up in."

"Mm." Hums Dione, clearly unconvinced. "And this undid almost a full lifetime of rigorous training?"

"Well, you're not getting the full picture. I also have a delightfully plump behind."

"From where I'm standing you seem to have a rather plump everything."

"Yes, and delightfully so!" Lunaeris reiterates, annoyed. "Are we quite finished discussing my attractiveness?"

"Yes, we are; I'm rather sick of listening to you already." Dione says, gagging her with a strip of cloth. "I don't need to understand how you've done this to undo it. Your heretic beloved told me, before she threw me out of my own monastery, that she thought her oath was wrong. That she- you'll love this- she would rather you have died than her own life be laid down in your stead."

She what!? Hah! That's her fucking WIFE GET FUCKED YOU OLD CRONE-

"Let's see if her word is still worth anything." Dione says, opening the flap of her tent to beckon the woman she had been speaking with back in. "Send a messenger up to the monastery- alone, unarmed. They'll let them through. Let Kallixenia know that she has one day to end her little rebellion, or her princess dies."

[youhavelessproof]

mob Dickie Jaydick AU anyone?

mob Dick is a thing we've seen in canon before and it will not leave my mind so y'all get to deal with ramblings about it. :) (Crutches and also a timeline where he never met Bruce.)

brainstormed this in the bottom Dick server, but here's me trying to summarize it.

general premise: no capes AU where once Dick escaped juvie he went and killed Zucco. (not quickly, he was 8, but he's a smart kid,) and then decided well police are useless, so I'll just help people myself. (very similar to how be became Robin, but like. more real world vigilante justice which is more morally questionable than fictional vigilantes.) Dick is a part of a mob at any given time because it makes doing what he was already going to do easier. which mob changes because he's not really part of the mob to be part of the mob and it's more a access to resources thing. Dick is allowed not wear a face mask/helmet because no records of him existing really exist. he was a circus kid that just ended up placed in juvie. he doesn't have records. Jason on the other hand is just a normal fucking dude. (probably a priest like that one timeline but I've never been religious so I wouldn't really know how to write it. but I could try.) also yes obviously Jason's life has not been easy-peasy or whatever but in comparison he is so very normal.

they meet at a bar or diner or something and Dick uses Jason to get some dudes of his back. probably an "I'll owe you, but I need you to kiss me right now." regardless, Dick had no intentions of actually getting Jason interested in him, but I mean. look at him.

their meeting should've ended at that, but Jason is involved now because he keeps wanting to see that pretty boy that definitely had knives and a gun on him but. pretty 🥺

also I just wanna clarify that Dick is not killing bad people to prove a point. he doesn't even necessarily see what he's doing as 100% right. the systems are corrupt and he knows it, but he also knows he is one man with 0 resources if he didn't get involved in crime. he can't change the systems as one man, but he can help people sleep at night. (kinda think of it like fanon Red Hood. except with less "I know I'm right." because Dick is not concerned about being right, he's concerned with helping people.)

which leads to a lot of conflict with cop Babs. because she doesn't agree at all with what Dick is doing, but also? he's so... gentle with victims. and he doesn't try and hurt Babs unless she tries to arrest him. he seems like an upstanding guy but also he has a kill count. and it is not a small number.

there's no past of present Dickbabs btw. they can be a little flirty at times, but Dick wouldn't date a cop and Babs thinks Dick is too self-righteous anyways.

Jason also has moral objections, (whether just personally or because of religion depends on the priest thing,) but he understands Dick on a deeper level than Babs. he's been at the bottom, he's had to steal to live, he knows. he just wishes that Dick didn't kill. didn't cross that line. it's not a deal breaker, but it is a point of tension.

Dick is basically talking to Jason sporadically at first. nothing much but some surface level conversations, but they're more than Dick usually has with people. Dick is thinking about trying to shut out Jason because he's just a guy and he's gonna get himself hurt. like. really hurt. Leslie encourages him to talk to Jason though because she's known Dick for forever and she says he needs the company. (Leslie does not agree with what Dick is doing btw, but she found him hurt when he was like 10 and became something a confidant for the boy. plus, Dick trusts her enough to bring victims to her when they need help.)

Dick still has Roy as a friend in this AU and they are close but also Roy has a government job that Dick isn't thrilled with and Roy is not thrilled with the murder. they are best friends, but they have a lot of... tension we'll call it. (Jason will have something of a friendship with Roy, but it is mostly formed from mutual concern about Dick.) also Donna is here, but I'm gonna say she does not live in Gotham so y'know. she also doesn't like murder, but Dick's her boy so it's... not fine, but it doesn't matter.

Dick and Jason end up in a friends with benefits situation because Jason assumes Dick would not be willing to commit to relationship considering everything around him and Dick assumes Jason would only want him for his body. they are both stupid. (/affectionate.)

possibly also a marriage of convenience at some point so that Jason can't testify against Dick. how Dick would even get caught in the first place? good question, have not gotten there.

anyway one last thing: Dick does not share his name like. at all. Donna knows it and maybe Roy too but generally it's either aliases or nicknames people call him. so when he tells Jason his name is Dick it is a big deal.

"see you around." "Dick." "huh?" "that's my name. Dick." "in that case, see you around, Dick." "see you, Jace."

anyway this AU will not leave my brain. I like role reversals when they're done in a specific way and this one just itches my brain.

also some quick little things: * I have no idea if Babs is a cop in any DC timeline, however the reason I chose this is so that she can still interact with Dick on some level. because while I don't like Dickbabs personally generally, she is an important character to Dick and I think her being to cop that's chasing him fits better than Gordon. * Roy used to be a government agent in mainline canon. I don't particularly love it for him, but I understand why they chose it and it is canon. I am not making him work for the government out of nowhere or just to fit into the narrative. there is a basis for it. * yes I do recognize that not everyone that is important to Dick has been included. I have not fleshed out every role in this AU and haven't decided what Kori, Wally, etc. will be. * as I mentioned in the post itself, priest Jason is canon to a specific timeline in the DC comics. you can like or not like it, but I am not pulling it out of my ass. (the flashpoint timeline which yes is supposed to be a bad timeline, but my point stands.) * "where's x member of the Batfamily?" I don't know. Tim is probably doing fine just living a normal life. Damian might not even exist. I will probably include Damian just because I love Dick parenting him, but like. I have no idea where the rest of the Batfamily is and this ain't about them. /lh * just because something is in a canon DC timeline does not mean I think it's in character or a good character choice, (looking at you cop Dickie), but I am saying that I think it's fair game for AUs. (like really anything is fair game for AUs, but you hopefully know what I mean.)

sorry to get a bit defensive, just thought I'd explain some of this AU upfront just to deal with some misinterpretations that might happen in one go. <3

Mob Dickie and Normal Guy Jason my beloved. maybe I will explore you in an actual fic someday.