#But at least now I know why I've never liked anything described as camp | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yellowocaballero · 1 year ago

Note

hi! i know that i'm fated to read your every work despite not knowing the media half the time. this time i would like to finally be one step ahead. so uhh. where do i read orv? do i go for the webtoon or the novel? to clarify, i did try to search, but got confused by reddit. also i am going to watch trigun. i've been eyeing animorphs too but the 54 (?) books are making me go hmm. thank you for existing you're pretty great. you're like the spiderman of writing but instead you got asbestos rat'd.

THIS ASK IS INSANE. WE'RE REFERENCING MY LORE NOW?

But thank you, you're insane. People ask why I have stupid high standards for the fics i post on AO3 and it is because there are people like you who will just read whatever regardless of whether or not it's good. I have a responsibility.

This ask also made me wonder if I have good taste. Because every time somebody says this my first reaction is "oh god and the source materials aren't even good". I read a lot of trashy stuff (but, like, define trashy), and I consume too many bad things to be able to say I have discerning taste. If I enjoy something I almost never call it bad, because things were made to be enjoyed and I enjoyed them then they had value in at least one aspect. If you were to ask me if my favorite TV show of all time the Incredible Hulk 1974 was actually, unironically, good, then I'd break into a cold sweat. Is somebody bad because it's camp? Is something bad only if it's unintentional camp?

Regardless, I never write fic for something that isn't only like 80% good - there's a sweet spot of 'good enough for me to obsess over' and 'bad enough that I'm rewriting it in my head'. It's rare I write for anything I find completely good. Which is why I feel bad when people say that they're reading this thing I'm writing fic for jalksdf there's better things out there I SWEAR.

ORV is in the sweet spot of "this isn't high literature" and "this has given me brain worms". Definitely for sure start with the webtoon - the webnovel is clunkily translated, you don't read it for the writing at all, and it is also a literal million words. Don't read the webnovel unless you're like "I'm going insane and I need more of this". It starts off kind of slow ("This is a well executed very banal isekai") and you're like a frog in the pot of it slowly going more insane until you're a ways in and you are in a tangle of ridiculously complicated gambits and convoluted storytelling. There is literally no other way to describe it than the Homestuck of webnovels. If you're completely unfamiliar with isekai that's fine, but as a warning - ORV being your first webtoon/webnovel isekai is like your first shoujo manga being Ouran High Schol Host Club, or your first magical girl show being Madoka, or your first mecha anime to be Neon Genesis Evangelion. It's one of the best works in its genre but it's supposed to be viewed in context of the genre. Or maybe it's more like if Homura starred in Evangelion, which was Ouran. I'm just saying words.

Animorphs is kind of like Mother 3 in which everybody who has ever read/played it said that it changed them as a person, it changed their relationship with media and storytelling forever, if you read/play it you will be born again from the world's egg, etc. Works that genuinely become part of your personality. I also never recommend it to people because it is incredibly hit or miss. I remember using a spreadsheet of just "what books are skippable or not" because some of them are incredibly weird and some of them are incredibly weird in the bad way. The only Animorphs fic I've ever written is from 2019 so it's also not that great. Each book only takes an hour to read and the pdfs are free online, so it's incredibly accessible in terms of the reading experience, but it's kinda the Animorphs gestalt that changes you forever and not the individual books. I try not to recommend stuff that's like 25% bad.

Watch Trigun if you like what Trigun is - it's not going to deliver on something it's not. Also watch 98 first. Watch Stampede/read Trimax if you want more Trigun. The Trigun fic is based off Stampede but refer to my "I only write fic for smth that's 80% good and not 100% good" statement.

Also I think being bit by an asbestos rat just means that I probably have mold and drywall in my lungs, which would explain a lot about this blog. Thanks for the ask I love it.

#you have to feel kind of guilty saying “this is the homestuck of webnovels” and reccomending it with a straight face #and like i wouldn't outright reccomend it #it has plenty of problems. but also you dont care about the problems much ya know.#my asks #my writing #it is genuinely so funny that Animorphs and M3 girlies are Like That #sir this is a children's novel where a teenager vomits crocodiles #and it's not as good when you just hear people describe it like “oh read animorphs its sooo fucked up and edgy and people die”#like. yes its good because its fucked up. but also #the humor and levity and silliness is important and makes the fuckery meaningful #i think mostly it's the fact that animorphs will present to you some very shallow stuff and then ask you to engage with it like its real #its not realism or grittiness or edge #it just presents you with Very Basic Children's SciFi and goes #these are real children. all life is real sentient life.#yes the CIA really did do that.#when the enemy is killed the enemy is dead. do you understand.#thats what makes it a rly good childrens novel but also what makes it so disturbing as an adult #whose been asked to fictionalize suffering countless times in scifi #and on the tv. and in the news. and from each other.#and when we're presented with normal fictional suffering and the narrative is like No - Look At This #it changes how you engage with scifi and media in general #there's a lot of 'Jake' characters out there. but you can't look at them the same way.#did not expect the tag essay to be about animorphs this time.

21 notes · View notes

oranges-and-peaches · 4 months ago

Text

a list of all the fics i've uploaded to ao3 and snippets

it's no use going back to yesterday (i was a different person then) - splintered

“I hurt her?” The words come out without me even thinking about it. If I wasn’t sure about going crazy before I sure am now, because out of all the things Jeb could’ve said, I wasn’t expecting that.

blend blend - jazzpunk

She’s having fun! Sure, she isn’t really allowed in the hot tub by the orders of her sister, but she doesn’t need to be in there! Yeah, she's a little bummed out by the fact that her sister took both of the guys for herself and took her aside to not so nicely tell her to back off, but that doesn’t matter. She's just happy to have been invited for once!

rabbit pie day - too many cooks

she wishes she could cry. she wishes she could do anything else except smile. but she can't. she no longer wants to be here. katie had been so excited to be in a show and on tv. she didn't anticipate the freedom of her sense of self being taken away. she's not allowed to moved if there isn't a camera on her. is this a curse? it sure seems like it; feels like it. she never felt this much pain in her life. it's not physical, no. It's mental.

apocalyptic creep - the walking dead, original

He was just minding his business! Really! He was! It's not like he was trying to creep on her! After the chaos his most recent encampment had ended in, he had been on his own. Seeing the woman approaching the area he was camping out in had scared him. He quietly retreated back into the building, as to not be seen. With slow movements, he made his way from the roof to the ground floor, wanting to keep a closer eye on this mysterious woman.

drip - original

The sounds in this damned lighthouse are going to drive her crazy in her last moments. The dripping from the waterlogged walls and ceiling along with the wet stuttering of her own breaths are not what she wanted to hear.

This was not how she imagined this situation would go. This is not how she imagined she would die.

I've got problems(sung like the mother mother song) - original

Oh.

I don't think she's here to help me.

That was the last thought I had before the thing squeezed its hand and everything went black.

dog days are over - gravity falls, alice in borderland

Still, Dipper tries to think reasonably about why everyone on the street would be gone. Maybe they had to evacuate? He walks down the neighborhoods surrounding his and knocks and rings bells on every door he can. When absolutely no one answers he decides to check the rest of town. He thinks about what might be open at this time of night. He goes and checks the restaurant and grocery store. Dipper even goes to the museum but can’t find anyone. Maybe it was an emergency evacuation?

With no one around he decides to go back home. At least being there will bring him some comfort.

silence is fear - the backrooms, liminal spaces

Very Unsettling. That's the only way to describe this place. He'd been sitting here for god knows how long, scared to move on. He isn't even sure why he's scared; there's nothing really jumping out to him. Maybe that's why he's feeling so paranoid. The fact that everything seems normal but he knows that it isn't.

2 notes · View notes

unravelingthepages · 1 year ago

Text

The Diary of A Young Girl- my review

Hi! Fair warning, this book took me MONTHS to finish. It was heavy at times, humorous somehow too, and heartbreaking. I loved it and here's why.

The Diary of A Young Girl is exactly what the title says. The girl in question just so happens to be in hiding in a country where being a Jew was one of the worst possible things that could happen to you. Her name was Anne Frank and she died before she turned 16. [In case you have never heard about this book, this is a non-fiction book that is quite literally her diary, that was discovered and published after she and her sister were taken to concentration camps.]

"Writing in a diary is a really strange experience for someone like me. Not only because I’ve never written anything before, but also because it seems to me that later on neither I nor anyone else will be interested in the musings of a thirteen-year old school girl. Oh well, it doesn’t matter. I feel like writing."

Roughly more than 30 million people read her musings. She wanted to be a writer, see her stories published. She never got to see her own life story published.

What I thought-

This book is in the form of diary entries, that this 13 year old Jew, Anne Frank, addresses to Kitty, her diary. When you think of The Holocaust or of the Jews' oppression, or at least I did before, I thought of these nameless, featureless figures who suffered unimaginable tragedies. But when you read this book, you see them as people. Real people who suffered unimaginable tragedies. People who were petty and frightened and loving and courageous. People who bickered and whined and cried and laughed. They had dreams and hopes and thoughts about what they would do when the war ended.

This book talks about a lot of heavy issues, but at the same time it tells us about petty fights and first love and crushes. It describes a girl growing up during the Holocaust. She survived so so much, and yet she died only weeks before the war ended. It makes you think about the people who were this close to surviving the war, surviving being a Jew.

"I've been taking valerian every day to fight the anxiety and depression, but it doesn't stop me from being even more miserable the next day. A good hearty laugh would help better than ten valerian drops, but we've almost forgotten how to laugh."

“I’ve asked myself again and again whether it wouldn’t have been better if we hadn’t gone into hiding; if we were dead now and didn’t have to go through this misery, especially so that the others could be spared the burden. But we all shrink from this thought. We still love life, we haven’t yet forgotten the voice of nature, and we keep hoping, hoping for...everything.”

“All we can do is wait, as calmly as possible, for it to end. Jews and Christians alike are waiting, the whole world is waiting, and many are waiting for death.”

I can tell you a lot about this book, but what I will say is that I feel like I know her. And I did, didn't I? I read her diary, her innermost thoughts, her only escape from the horrific reality they were in (a reality that they still made the best of). I grew to love her as a person and love her family through her eyes. Her sister and father and mother. But mostly her. I read as she struggled everyday, felt like no one understood her and continued to feel like that. I read as she quietly loved her family and recorded their birthdays and laughed over their tiny squabbles. (I mean the Secret Annex family too, not only her parents and sister.) She felt guilty for being the ones relatively safe in hiding and so worried for their helpers and all her friends who were not in hiding.

She was her worst critic and the most empathetic person ever. She was mature and understanding and far too old for her age. She got to be a person in hiding and someone in a concentration camp and a Jew but never just a teenager. If you were waiting for a time to start reading this book, this is your sign to start it now!

purchase this book: https://amzn.to/3scZWUl [this is an associate link]

quotes:

“In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. " “As long as this exists, this sunshine and this cloudless sky, and as long as I can enjoy it, how can I be sad?” “I sometimes wonder if anyone will ever understand what I mean, if anyone will ever overlook my ingratitude and not worry about whether or not I’m Jewish and merely see me as a teenager badly in need of some good, plain fun.” "It’s difficult in times like these: ideals, dreams and cherished hopes rise within us, only to be crushed by grim reality. It’s a wonder I haven’t abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart." "I see the world gradually being turned into a wilderness, I hear the ever approaching thunder, which will destroy us too, I can feel the sufferings of millions and yet, if I look up into the heavens, I think that it will all come right, that this cruelty too will end, and that peace and tranquility will return again.”

“I wish to go on living even after my death.” ― Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl

View On WordPress

#Anne Frank #book blog #book recommendations #book review #book reviews #non-fiction books #reading #The Diary of A Young Girl #book quotes #bookblr #booklr #book community

0 notes

allnewalldifferentwildspider · 4 years ago

Text

Zuko & Katara's Relationship Dynamic

This is like the third or fourth time I've tried to write up this post so please bare with me.

Oh wow. That video. Hopefully everyone has seen it now. Not only did it articulate arguments I've been making for years, but it also brought up ideas I had never thought of or noticed before. Watching that and watching the second half of Book 3 again (because it's my favorite) made me want to redo my zutara dynamic post.

I'm going to be using the tiny bits and pieces the show gave us to see how Zuko and Katara's relationship looks and how it would look if they gave us more because...Bryke really fucking hated zutara. I mean, I guess they did.

Katara is compassionate; Zuko is empathetic

A lot of anti-zutara arguments have said that Zuko and Katara could never be together because they would constantly fight and hate each other and it end sooner than later. Not only does this actually describe maiko, but that argument would need to ignore the characters' actual character.

One of Katara's biggest character traits is how compassionate she is. She has a drive to help others and ease their pain. Whether it's getting Aang out of the iceberg or healing a Fire Nation fishing village, Katara will go out of her way to help someone in need.

Katara: No. I will never ever turn my back on people who need me.

Zuko is very emotional and passionate person. As much as he tried to hide it to appease his father, Zuko does want to open up and connect with people. Unfortunately, aside from his uncle, most of the other people he knows are like Zhao and Azula. Not the most understanding of crowds. But because of this he can pick up what people are really thinking and feeling. Think of it as a defense mechanism he developed growing up around people like Azula.

Get these two kinds of people together and you get the crystal catacombs scene. Katara lashes out at Zuko until she breaks down. When she does Zuko opens up with empathy since they have something in common. This creates the beginning of an understanding between the two. Zuko uses that to finally open up to someone who isn't his uncle and Katara listens and reaches out to help. Contrast to the first episode of Book 3 when Zuko tries to voice his thoughts and concerns to Mai and she...doesn't really care.

Something similar happens during The Southern Raiders. Zuko figures out that Katara is taking out her anger of being separated from her father by The Fire Nation onto him and even connecting her mother's death to him.

It's not the first time Zuko has done this either. He easily figured out that Sokka was planning on going to The Boiling Rock. He does it again during Sozin's Comet when he tells Katara that Aang needs to figure out what to do about Ozai by himself.

There's a noticeable pattern of behavior by the time Sozin's Comet arrives. Zuko voices his concerns about meeting his uncle again and Katara is right there to help him through it.

Zuko's empathy combined with Katara's compassion creates almost a cycle of understanding and emotional vulnerability that the two can't really get with anyone else. One notices the other having concerns or problems and goes to give comfort by words or by actions.

Zuko still has a temper but so does Katara

Even after Zuko's fever dream character change thing, even after The Day of Black Sun, he still has it in him to yell at anyone who commits even the slightest transgressions against him:

Aang: That one felt kinda hot. Zuko: Don't patronize me. You know what it's supposed to look like. Aang: Sorry, sifu hotman. Zuko: And stop calling me that!

Sokka: So all we have to do is make Zuko angry. Easy enough. *pokes him with his sword* *annoying laugh* Zuko: All right! Cut it out!

Maybe it's the firebender in him or maybe he really is just like that. Basically if you annoy him, he'll let you know. What people sometimes overlook is that while it takes Katara a bit longer, she also gets worked up when people upset her.

Toph: What's the matter? Can't handle some dirt, Madame Fussy Britches? Katara: Oh, sorry, did I splash you, mud slug?

And remember, it was Katara getting angry at Sokka that even broke the iceberg that revealed Aang.

Katara: Ugh, I'm embarrassed to be related to you! Ever since Mom died I've been doing all the work around camp while you've been off playing soldier! Sokka: Uh... Katara? Katara: I even wash all the clothes! Have you ever smelled your dirty socks? Let me tell you, NOT PLEASANT! Sokka: Katara! Settle down! Katara: No, that's it. I'm done helping you. From now on, you're on your own!

The point is that it is both Zuko and Katara that are very passionate and emotional people. One of them isn't emotionally dominating the other because they both wear their emotions on their sleeves.

This also comes in to play when they set goals for themselves. When Zuko sets a goal, he puts everything into it. Katara is the same way. The difference is that Zuko's drive sometimes gives him a one-track mind while Katara is more flexible. Like for example Zuko being so focused on finding Aang before Sozin's Comet that he ignores Toph's story about her childhood versus Katara wanting to go to the North Pole but taking time to stop and help whoever they come across.

This passion also fuels their values and how strongly they stand by their beliefs. I already put The Painted Lady quote up above but Zuko's morality is what is making him so angry at himself during The Beach. He knows what he did was wrong, but he couldn't face it yet.

Sometimes their emotions get the better of them, but it's only because they are passionate about what they're doing.

Their natural teamwork is amazing

I can't provide a lot of clues in this bit because it's more of a visual thing. Just consider how flawlessly their plans worked during their attack on The Southern Raiders. Especially when you consider that it was a stealth mission so they barely even said anything to each other during and it still went incredibly well.

You could see it again during their mock battle with The Melon Lord. Sokka must have noticed because he paired them together to deliver some "liquidy-hot offence." And they pulled it off, again, without having to say anything.

They've only been a team for a few weeks(?), days(?) but they act as if they've been doing it for years.

They trust each other's judgment

Piggybacking of the previous point, Zuko and Katara have only been a team for a while but there seems to be a level of understanding in terms of judgement. They both know that whatever the other chooses is going to be a well-thought out decision. Maybe it's because they see each other as the mature members of the group even though Sokka is the same age as Zuko? I don't know.

Aang disappears right before they embark on their fight against the Fire Lord, and out of nowhere, Katara puts Zuko in charge.

Zuko: Get out of the bison's mouth, Sokka. We have a real problem here. Aang is nowhere to be found and the comet is only two days away. Katara: What should we do Zuko? Zuko: I don't know. Why are you all looking at me? Katara: Well, you are kind of the expert on tracking Aang.

and that wasn't the first time in that episode that she went along with one of Zuko's decisions

Katara: Aang, don't walk away from this. *She begins to walk towards him as a hand touches her shoulder to stop her from doing so.* Zuko: Let him go. He needs time to sort it out by himself.

As a lot of people have pointed out during the entirety of The Southern Raiders, Zuko never gives a suggestion on what he thinks Katara should do. Aside from making it a stealth mission, he follows her lead the entire way.

Katara teases Zuko (and he lets her)

The fun one. This one has two parts: pre and post The Southern Raiders.

Before The Southern Raiders, Katara was tolerating Zuko. She was still angry with him about the betrayal at Ba Sing Se. Getting little jabs at him was the only thing that was really helping her from loosing her cool around him.

Katara: I'm sorry. I'm just laughing at the irony. You know... how it would have been nice for us if you lost your firebending a long time ago? Zuko: Well it's not lost. It's just weaker for some reason. Katara: Maybe you're just not as good as you think you are. Toph: Ouch.

He just finished yelling at Aang and Sokka but all he does is glare at Katara. She does it again, but to be fair, he kind of set himself up for it.

Zuko: It's a sacred form that happens to be thousands of years old! Katara: Oh yeah? What's your little form called? Zuko: ...The Dancing Dragon.

Then comes post The Southern Raiders and...yeah, she's still picking on him and he still lets her. Granted it's a lot more playful this time around.

Zuko: They make me totally stiff and humorless. Katara: Actually, I think that actor's pretty spot on. Zuko: How could you say that? Actor Uncle: Let's forget about the Avatar and get massages. Actor Zuko: How could you say that?! (Cut back to Katara wearing a satisfied grin on her face and she looks to an expressionless Zuko as he slouches in his seat.)

I love pointing it out every time. She teases him and he does nothing about it.

Katara: Er, no. I was looking for cooking pots in the attic and I found this. Look at baby Zuko! Isn't he cute? Oh lighten up, I was just teasing.

And she admits it!

So what can we take away from this? From what little time they were given together (thanks, Bryke) it seems that Zuko and Katara really understand each other on an intimate emotional level. They can sense when the other is distressed and offer comfort. They're both passionate in and out of combat, for better or for worse. They're comfortable with each other as if they've known each other for years even though it's such a short time. Katara also likes to add a little bit of playfulness in there with Zuko letting her have her fun, again, showing how comfortable they are with each other.

I do think their relationship could have gone to romantic sooner than later if you would have given it a bit more time. Like first half of a hypothetical Book 4.

To me, at least.

#zutara #zuko #katara #anti kataang #anti bryke

215 notes · View notes

seventhrounder · 4 years ago

Text

I went thru my folder with old hockey magazines I had saved from around 2011 to 2015 and came across this one and thought it could be a fun to make a post about now in hindsight.

This is Jääkiekko magazine from May 2012, they always have a section of "99 questions with ..." and in this issue they interviewed Teräväinen.

I’ve translated the questions I found interesting under the cut! It ended up being about half of the interview. (*) are my additions.

On the cover "seuraava superjokeri" means the next super joker, he played for Helsingin Jokerit so it's a word play from that. Under, on the blue print it says: "The 17-year-old forward will become a first round draft pick in the summer. The natural goal scorer can dominate in SM-Liiga as soon as next season."

In the 2nd photo the headline and lead paragraph goes:

"A post with dents* - A year ago Teuvo Teräväinen was known only within a small number of hockey insiders. Few passers-by recognize him now either but after a flashy rookie season the Jokerit sensation is on the radar of every NHL team and is a strong contender to become a first round draft pick. Next season with Jokerit the talented second line center will be one of the main talking points in the SM-Liiga."

(*references the net Teräväinen had in his backyard and into which he practiced his shooting)

3. You've been described as a magician, top scorer, wunderkind and a prodigy. What do you think of these descriptions?

TT: Heh, those are some descriptions yeah. What can I really say? Don't really wanna comment on them much.

4. How nervous are you about the Draft?

TT: I try not to be nervous as best as I can. In a way I don't have anything to be nervous about since I don't care which team picks me or at what number I go.

6. Which is stressing you more, English interviews or physical tests?

TT: Maybe both. Bench press (laughs) and English interviews can be tough.

12. How far along have you planned your career with, for example, your parents or your agent?

TT: Haven't really planned things with others but I've thought about them myself. I try to go step by step and not jump too far ahead.

14. How does it feel to be so young with all the star players in Jokerit?

TT: How to say it? I haven't felt like I was young but a part of the team instead. The team's been very good with me and they haven't been looking down at me like: "oh he's young". It's been fun to play in an experienced team.

15. Is there a generational gap between players?

TT: You can see the age difference, older players look older but we're all childish, at least with our topics.

17. What does a 17-year-old do in the sauna nights of the team?

TT: I actually haven't been in any yet. I've always been at national team's camps or something.

19. Did you get the number you wanted?

TT: I did, yeah. I could've taken #18 but Semir (Ben-Amor) has it. But i'm happy with #86, it's good.

23. What are your strengths as a player?

TT: Offensive play and with that playing with the puck, passing, IQ, power play and skill, just the usual skill - skill with hands.

24. And weaknesses?

TT: They are to do with defensive play, strength and physicality. Battles and such but I think I took a step forward last season. That's a good thing.

25. Have you ever been "pressed into a mold" or has your playing style gotten to develop naturally?

TT: As a kid the play was mostly offensive/attacking, I didn't have to think about playing defence. Up until 15 years old, I got to attack pretty freely. Playing defence became more important when I started to play in A-juniors a couple seasons ago.

26. On a scale from 1 to 10 how determined are you?

TT: Maybe 8, feels like an 8.

32. What kind of role are you planning to take with Jokerit next season?

TT: I think a pretty big one. I try to be a top player and not just take others' example but give others example myself too. So that someone in the team can take something out of the way I do things on the ice and off the ice.

35. If you could pick anyone, who would be your car driver?

TT: Nico Manelius for sure. He's been my driver this season. I've had others too, like Riku Hahl but he's not nearly at the same level. Nico’s clearly the best.

36. What are the most important qualifications to be a good driver?

TT: The car is obviously important. Hahl's car is totally awful, he takes a lot of heat for it from the guys too. I wouldn't dare driving with him. Manelius is a steady performer, never lets you down.

38. What sports did you play as a 10-year-old?

TT: Hockey and floorball, probably football (soccer) during the summers at the time too.

42. When did you decide to focus only on hockey?

TT: So when I stopped playing other sports? Three years ago, before that floorball was kind of a side thing, I played a couple of games in the regular season and playoffs.

45. Do you follow floorball or other sports? Go to games?

TT: I don't go to games but I like to watch floorball on TV, it's an interesting sport. Sometimes I watch football too but I don't follow it much. Feels like they never score there.

47. Have you ever played with a wooden stick?

TT: As a kid I did play with a wooden stick.

49. You won the hockey players' golf tournament last summer even though there were more experienced players too. Are you good with all stick games?

TT: Well, I've been pretty good in all of them. I've played golf for a long time and still play it.

50. How is your swing?

TT: Pretty bold, kind of a hockey swing. I don't really care where the ball goes - as long as it goes far.

52. What do you think of off-ice training?

TT: Let's just say it's more stupid than being on the ice but you still gotta do it to be better on the ice.

56. Which word describes your professional relationship (with his coach, Tomek Valtonen), tranquil or colorful?

TT: Colorful of course. At times we're joking around, other times it's more serious but the relationship is really good.

57. Coaching you has been described in many words: good, bad, worse. What are they?

TT: Heh, well... I won't tell them here. He (Tomek) keeps the discipline during practices but sometimes when things haven't gone to a plan I've had to jump on an exercise bike in the middle of a practice.

58. What have been the reasons?

TT: I'll quote Tomek: "when I haven't been present".

59. Have you ever tried to turn the resistance of the bike to zero?

TT: (Laughs) Of course I have and sometimes I've even succeeded.

60. Describe your diet in three words?

TT: Greasy, healthy and good!

64. Your first name is not common for people your age. How did your parents come up with it?

TT: I actually don't even know. Maybe they didn't want a usual Ville*....

(*very common name for men of all ages in Finland)

66. Which of these is the most important: skill, unexpectedness or courage?

TT: Skill!

68. Your longest video game stint?

TT: Six hours, at least. I've played a lot of War of Duty lately.

72. The dumbest thing that has made you upset in hockey?

TT: Probably if I didn't get an assist on a goal even though I should have. Or even worse is if I score and they mark it down for someone else.

79. Have you had any concussions?

TT: I haven't had any, I've managed to always dodge them.*

(*ouch, tho it's good the recent one is his only as far as i remember)

84. In 2011 Team Finland finished in the 5th place at the U-18 tournament. Why only as 5th?

TT: Because we lost to Team Russia in the quarter final, just as well we could have won that game too.

89. You didn't get to be on the ice to accept the SM-Liiga bronze medal (because of the U-18's). When and where did you get it?

TT: I actually still haven't received it, I don't know where it is.

93. What is the population of Helsinki?

TT: There's like 5 million people in Finland so maybe around 500k in Helsinki? (to be exact 596k) Did i really get it right...?

94. Who's the mayor of Helsinki?

TT: I don't know, I barely know the president.

95. Do you think the municipalities in the capital city area should merge?

TT: Luckily I don't have to decide but they probably shouldn't.

96. What do you check first in the news paper?

TT: The sports section.

97. Your favorite tv show?

TT: Putous* was pretty good, I liked a lot of the characters. The grandma was pretty good.

(*Finnish live improvisation comedy/sketch show (there are still new seasons, the latest just finished). Every actor comes up with a humor character with a catchy phrase and one of them wins. "The grandma" is Marja Tyrni and I just got such flashbacks from typing this sentence.)

98. Last book you read?

TT: I don't read many books. The last book was a study book, a Finnish book. I wrote an essay on Tiki (Esa) Tikkanen's biography. An eventful book, great career and a lot of chirps.

99. Who should we ask the 99 questions next?

TT: Riku Hahl could have good stories, he's also seen a lot of the world.

#teuvo teräväinen #teuvo teravainen #carolina hurricanes #canes #hockey #nhl #mp #i knew i had this mag but i thought it was from 2014 and post draft #i really didn't rmbr i've been following turbo for this many years???#good on 16yo me for spending 8 euros on this tho that was excellent thinking

85 notes · View notes

trashiewrites · 4 years ago

Text

Promotion (Soap x Reader)

Word count: 2319

[Notes: I'm so happy to finally have finished this fic! I've been feeling on and off for a while. I hope you all enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Also sorry I have really basic grammar so grammar might be shit.]

-----------------------------------------------

Night lurked over the head of the men and women of the camp. You found yourself looking up to the sky for no particular reason. The stars of tonight shined brightly, they seemed almost hypnotic. You were out of it to not hear someone come by behind you. "Sky beautiful tonight ain't it?" You jumped up at the sudden voice, knowing it was the captain "sorry, didn't mean to scare ya!"

"It's fine captain...." you lightly chucked as splashes of red-tinted your cheeks. You've had a small feeling for the Scottish man. You've been denying it till recently. He's your CO but you know... at least shoot your shot. "Would you like to join me, captain?"

"I would love too" he sat down close next to you. A lovely grin from ear to ear as he stared at the stars too. "What do you see or get reminded of when you see the stars?" You hummed, placing a finger upon your chin as you thought. For a split second, you glanced at the captain...

"Well..." your heart raced at the thought of putting the notation of you liking someone out there. In the end, you chicken out of it. " I see possibilities! What about you sir?"

"They remind me of someone I deeply love." He chuckled as his gaze faced downward. "They don't quite know it yet though..."

"Whoever it is, they should count themselves lucky, sir." You nudged his shoulder, attempting to keep your cool, "you're an amazing person after all!"

"You really think so?" Soap laughed as he rubbed the back of his neck. You nodded, giving him a reassuring smile. Though your chest showed this pang of jealousy. "Say... how about we head to the mess hall? Grab some dinner."

"Of course!" You yelped a tad too excitedly. Realizing that fact you tensed up and smiled nervously "um... Of course, captain..." the both of you stood and began to walk side to side. The walk itself was sweet and littered with small talk about anything. It could be training, people, or even gossip. Yet throughout the whole time you would glance over to the captain. Noticing small little details about him that made your heart slowly melt. His chiseled jaw, his deep blue eyes, the way he laughed and made others motivated. You loved every single thing about this man.

"I wonder what crap they'll give us today.." He held the tent's drapes open for you. "You first~" he mockingly bowed.

"Why thank you, captain!" You walk in after a small curtsy.

"You know you can call me John right? It's off-hours, so I don't mind." You paused in your tracks, processing the offer. You knew no one who ever called the Captain by his first. If anything you found the idea almost disrespectful to him.

"Are you sure sir?" You look at him with a look of pure confusion. He covered his mouth as a laugh leaked from it. Which by all means makes you even more confused.

"Yes, I'm sure. But just on off-hours, ya hear?" He smiled, lightly pushing your shoulder as he walked past you.

"Y-yes, sir!" You both went up getting your MREs. On the side, they had a package of tea bags, the water next to it respectfully. As well there is a brewer with a sign that reads coffee. You, being much more a tea person, gladly took a plastic cup and had your cup. John, on the other hand, had pure black coffee. As you sat down facing each other you could help but notice the stars in his eyes as he glanced at the coffee. If anything it was drop-dead adorable. As you both waited for the MREs to prepare themselves you decided to push what john told you earlier. "So John..." you coughed, hoping to release some on the nerves. He hummed back glancing down at you as he sipped his cup of dirty beans.

"Something on your mind (y/n)?"

"About that person, you talked about earlier. It-the one you love, can I ask more about them?" You glanced down, waiting to get scolded that it wasn't your place to know.

"Sure!"

"Sir, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked it definitely isn't-" you headshot to look at John as you realized the words that exited his mouth. "W-wait... really?"

"I mean, why not?" He smiled ever so innocently, "do you not want to know anymore?"

"It's not that... I just thought that's not really my place." You flash him a nervous smile as well a shrug of your shoulders. "But go on!" Your tone was almost eager, your heart yearned to hear this.

"Well.. she's a beautiful lass. Very strong-willed and kind." His face began to soften, you assume at the thought of the girl. "She just splendid to be around. She's smart, witty, and exceptional clueless..." he chuckled, facing off to the side.

"Do I know her?" You took a bit of your MRE. Which, by the way, was still piping hot. "Hot hot hot!!" You lightly banged the table as you swallowed through the pain. John smiled as he placed a hand upon his chin, pondering the question.

"I suppose you do, they are on the team." This caught you by surprise. You knew this person, and you trained with this person. The thought plagued your mind. Unaware of it, you were eerily silent as a checklist played through your head. John coughed, having taken bites from his meal, "look, you don't have to look further into it but if you do find out, I'll give you a promotion of sorts."

"A promotion? For something like this?"

"You'll see.." John smiled as he took his final bite. "Now I best be off, good luck." He stood, walking away from the table. Leaving you staring into the distance, dumbfounded. As you finished you knew that the other boys were up much later. Roach, for example, the man stays up all the time. Speed walking over to the barracks to see Roach outside on his phone.

"Gary! I have to ask you something!" He looked up and smiled sweetly.

"Sure! What could you need this late though?"

"Apparently the captain like one of the girls, do you have any idea who?" You spoke quietly as to not draw anyone else's attention. Roach was baffled at first at the weird question. Yet that baffled face soon became one that reads 'you can't be serious'.

"You are blind..."

"What do you mean?" You began to think it should be an obvious answer. But there are plenty of women as John described.

"Look... I don't know the captain personally enough to know for sure. But it's been kinda obvious for a while." Roach chuckled as his eyes returned to his phone, "I don't even think I have the balls to tell ya. How 'bout ask the lieutenant? He knows the captain like the back of his hand."

"Lieutenant Riley? Ghost? Do you know how weird that is? At least me and you, ya know, we are the same rank." You clutched your fist together, chills running down your spine at the thought.

"If I tell you, you probably, no, you WILL go ask the lieutenant anyways."

"Just tell me, Sanderson!" You grabbed the man, who is taller than you, by the collar of his shirt.

"It's you dumbass!" You stood there in silence. Some say your soul exited your body for a minute. Roach slowly moved your hands off his collar. "(Y/n)??"

"You're joking..." Roach shook his head. "Where is the lieutenant?"

"In the living quarter last I checked." Roach meekly voiced out, scared to once again get his collar grabbed. You walked in to see the lieutenant relaxing in the lounge area, his head in a newspaper. You quietly made your way over, as well as thinking of what the hell you would ask him. You found it painfully awkward to ask if your CO has a crush on you.

"You need something (y/n)?" He lowered his newspaper ever so slightly, his brown eyes staring coldly at you.

"Uh... y-yes I-I have a... question." You stared right back to him, the heat on your cheeks making you uncomfortable as hell. He chuckled as he took one last look at his paper, folding it neatly. You could help but think did he already know you were coming here? I mean it wouldn't be surprising, due to the confrontation with Roach.

"Well, go ahead then. Ask away." His voice seemed to mock you, not rudely of course. But it's as if he was teasing you.

"W-well sir, earlier this evening the captain g-gave me a challenge to... to.." you coughed the lump of nervousness in your throat was suffocating. As you once again open your mouth to speak the rest of your statement, Riley's deep voice chimed in.

"He dared you to find out who's he's crushing on, ya?" Your heart sunk down to your stomach. Of course he already knew... you feel the heat on your cheeks.

"Y-yes, sir... gosh this is embarrassing." You faced the ground, glancing up periodically.

"Well I'm assuming you want me to tell you who?"

"W-well sir, I originally asked Roach and well..." you coughed, trying your hardest to grow some balls, "He said it was me. I was just wonder if it t-true."

"I'll tell you two things alright?" You nodded as you took a seat across from him "one, he does. It's been quite obvious for a while. Two, he never shuts the fuck up about you.. god it comes to the point I hate being in a room alone with him."

"O-oh I-I"

"Just hurry up and get together already, that way he stops fucking going on about ya" you nodded did a 180 headed straight off.

"Y-Yes sir!!"

Just after, you sat at your bunk... you couldnt bring yourself to do it. Your mind was still processing it all in. Lieutenant Riley's word echoed in your ears. You yourself felt like you were floating, yet scared. "This must all be a dream, it too good to be true..." you pinched you arm, almost to the point of drawing blood. Eyes squint from the pain, and open to the same scenery as before. "What am I doing?" You stood and went to the mirror, slapping your cheeks. Squeezing your face together ever so slightly, "get yourself together (y/n), this could be the once chance!" You confidently went to the door. "Captain quarters are far... it shouldnt be difficult at all." You walked out briskly, closing the door quietly behind you.

You made steady pace to the captain quarters. You tried your hardest to keep your cool, you werent sure if it was working. Then again, it's rather late there really isnt many people around. You stood in front of the door. You have never been more scared of a door before. You took a step forward, a deep breath, curling your hand to knock of the door. Before you could even knock the door opened and there stood the captain. "Oh (y/n), what got you out here so late at night?"

"I-I just N-needed..." your body shivered of nervousness, of course he would open the door right before you were ready!

"Look at you..." he spoke softly, grasping lightly at your shoulder. Placing another hand in the open air. "You're shivering like a you've been in the cold for awhile, come in." He slowly leads you in, even if you were at all cold (which you weren't) the heat from your face could probably keep you alive. You look up to him offering a cup of hot tea.

"Captain... I-im not cold..." you took the cup, taking in the aroma of the tea. "but I do appreciate the drink." It was calming actually.

"If you ain't cold, does that mean you're nervous? By what in god name has god cha nervous?" You place the tea upon the coffee table. You knew he was staring at you, yet you could stare back. Rubbing your arm shyly, a small cough to clear your throat. "Oh.... it's that challenge ain't it?"

You nodded, slowly lifting your head to see him. His expression was almost eager, perhaps hopeful? He held his own hands, twiddling with his own thumb. "C-Captain..."

"Please... Call me John." It was almost as he was begging just like a puppy. It took you by surprise but it's what you could atleast do.

"Okay, John," you chuckled. Cracking a small little smirk, butterflies already flying everywhere within you. "I-I like you too, I have for a while. Gosh, saying "like" is just an understatement. I've loved you for a while." You exhaled deeply, the weight in your chest seemingly lifted. John stood, sitting next to you. Wrapping you into a tight embrace.

"Congrats, (y/n). Are you ready for that promotion?" He spoke softly into your ear. Hunger, yearning plagued the tones of his voice.

"J-John what exactly is this promotion?" You moved his head back, cupping his cheeks. He smirked devilishly, slowly moving to cover your own cheeks.

"Well, of course. You're gonna be promoted to my girlfriend~" as he finished his sentence in a deep husky voice. He planted his lips upon yours, holding you close. It was heavenly, you didnt want it to end. His taste was hypnotic, sweet, hungry and full of passion and love. Time seemed to slow down and you couldnt care. Yet reality hit back always too soon. You two separate panting, staring longingly into eachothers eyes. "G-God I waited so long to do that..."

You panted quietly, holding your hand to his cheek. You sat and admired this moment, this moment will never happen again. "Well... I hope the wait was worth it." You laughed, pulling his head closer. Gifting him a small peck upon his nose.

"Oh definitely princess, definitely."

#my scottish hubby #soap mactavish #john soap mactavish #call of duty modern warfare #cod #captain Mactavish #gary roach sanderson #simon ghost riley #simon riley #call of duty #fanfiction #fluffy

150 notes · View notes

stargazer-sims · 3 years ago

Text

Journal Entry #33 (part one)

Yuri

Apparently, I’m going on a camping trip.

Let me state right now, I'm quite honestly terrified, and I have no idea what possessed me to agree to it.

No... Actually, that's not true. I do know exactly why I said I'd do it. It was a knee-jerk reaction to being frustrated and angry, which is never a good reason to agree to anything. And of course, I'm just obstinate enough to refuse to take back what I said. So, like it or not, I’m going camping.

I've never slept outside in my entire life, unless you count summer afternoon naps on my parents' patio swing. It's difficult to imagine myself sleeping on the ground, and in the forest, no less. I like forests well enough, and I've spent plenty of time on the walking trails on Yukimatsu, but those are clearly marked, and I rarely go there at night. It'll be a whole different story when we're intentionally sleeping and eating and bathing in the middle of nowhere, kilometers away from civilization and electricity and possibly even running water.

Then there's the wildlife. I can't begin to describe how afraid I am of the possibility of snakes, wolves or bears coming near our campsite. I'm not looking forward to the probability of a million insects everywhere, either.

The other thing I'm worried about is what I'm going to eat. According to what Victor was telling his mother this evening at dinner, he seems to think we'll be living on tinned soup and beans, instant coffee, potato chips, hotdogs and marshmallows, but he knows I can't eat any of that. In a town like this, I doubt we'll be able to find rice cakes, tofu hotdogs or oven-baked potato chips. I guess I'll have to get used to protein bars, peanut butter and Gatorade, because those are the only things I can think of that are readily available, non-perishable, and safe for me to consume.

I'm also concerned about how I'll cope for three days and two nights with Victor's friends. Truthfully, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about them. We've talked in video chats several times since Victor and I have been together, and they seem like good and kind people, but as Victor and I both know well, even the closest online relationship doesn't prepare you fully for being with somebody in person. To say the least, I find Ellie and Leo kind of overwhelming.

Leo is lovable, but gives the impression of being somewhat dumb. I don't think he's really stupid, and my guess is that it's more likely he's a deliberate underachiever, like my friends Seiji and Taka. My observation is, living comfortably at home and not having any major responsibilities to speak of seems to produce that result, particularly in men our age. I'd probably be that way too, if I'd stayed with my parents.

Unlike Seiji and Taka, Leo has been to college and has a real job. He's an early childhood educator, which I've learned is more than a glorified child-minder. He works at a preschool with children who are three and four years old, and along with the usual organizing of games, songs, naps and snacks, he helps to teach them academic things like colours, numbers and the alphabet. He also teaches them basic skills like how to tie their shoes or put away their toys. By all accounts, he loves his job. It seems like a perfect fit for somebody as upbeat and high-energy as him.

My biggest issue with Leo is how loud he is, and how he calls me ’little guy’ and talks down to me as if I'm one if his students. Regardless of having explained to him that I'm fluent in English and that I'm capable of understanding everything he says, he persists in enunciating in the annoyingly exaggerated way that people often use when speaking to elders who are slightly deaf. Leo is also endlessly fascinated by Victor and me speaking Japanese to each other, although I think that may have more to do with Victor speaking Japanese than anything else.

As for Ellie, I'm torn by what to think of her. I don't appreciate how she constantly touches Victor. She's always hugging him or putting a hand on his arm or shoulder or back, and the worst part is, I think he likes it. Last night when she was visiting, she had the audacity to steal my spot on the sofa while I was in the washroom, and when I came back, she was lying there with her head on his leg. Evidently, he hadn't bothered to tell her I'm the only one who's allowed to do that. I wanted to scream, and I don't know how I restrained myself.

One thing I do know, though, is that she's absolutely not staying in the same tent as him when we go camping. Or, if all four of us sleep in the same tent, there's no way I'm going to let her sleep next to Victor, even if that means he gets stuck between me and Leo. If she were next to him, I'd probably wake up in the morning and find her completely wrapped around him or something, and I'm sorry, but that's my position. I definitely would scream if that happened.

Despite her obvious inability to keep her hands off my husband, I can't say Ellie is all bad. She's loud and hyperactive, just like Victor and Leo, but she's genuinely friendly and she did make an effort to respect my physical boundaries last night when she was over. I'll give her credit for that, even if it was a little awkward.

Victor must've warned her not to touch me without asking, because after looking me up and down for a second, she gazed into my face and said, "So, how do I greet you? Like, do you feel comfortable shaking hands with people?"

I held out my hand to her. "Yes, I can manage that."

She took my hand like it was made of glass, and when our brief handshake concluded, she asked nervously. "Was that okay for you?"

Behind me, Victor made an undignified snorting sound in his effort not to laugh. "Uh... you know how inappropriate that sounded, right?"

Ellie immediately blushed, and mumbled, "Sorry. But how else am I supposed to check whether or not I touched him the way he likes?"

"Stop, Ellie," Victor said. "You're making it worse."

“It's okay," I said. "Your handshake was fine, and it's nice to finally meet you in person."

"Same," she said. "You're a lot cuter in person than you are on FaceTime. Leo was totally right."

At that, it was my turn to blush. "Why does everyone keep saying I'm cute?"

"Because you are," Victor said.

"Why can't I be 'handsome' or 'gorgeous'?"

Victor slipped his arms around me and hugged me from behind. "You're an elegant gentleman, Yuri Okamoto-Nelson," he said. "How about that?"

"Better," I said. "But, say it like you're not just teasing me next time."

He laughed. "You know what? Saying stuff like that, with that adorable fake pout, is exactly why you're cute."

I grumbled about it, but I supposed I had to concede the point. I'm too small and too baby-faced to be handsome by conventional standards. I'll confess, I like to think of myself as pretty, but since that's not a description typically applied to men, I'll have to settle for being cute.

Our initial failure of social coordination aside, we had a mostly good evening. Victor found a recipe online for homemade ice cream using almond milk, so I was able to participate fully in ice cream and movie night. Victor taught me how to use the ice cream maker, which turned out to be really easy, and which left me feeling proud of myself for the accomplishment of making a treat for everyone to enjoy. Now that I know it's possible to create ice cream I can eat without self-medicating first, I really want to get our own ice cream machine once we're back home in Mt. Komorebi.

Victor and Ellie agreed that I could choose the movie. I think Victor thought I'd pick a historical romance, because he knows I'm really into those, but I went for something else. I found one called Lost Dog's Journey Home that looked like it'd be adorable.

It was a sweet movie, but it was also unexpectedly emotional. It didn't surprise me that Victor was teary-eyed by the last scene, when the little dog reunited with her family, but I was shocked that Ellie was crying as well. Happy endings don't usually make me tear up, but I was thinking about Sango, and I may have had a lump in my throat at the end.

Victor invited Ellie to spend the night, and she accepted, and that's when our good evening began to go downhill.

It was like Victor and Ellie both saw their sleepover as a completely normal occurrence, and I got the sense that in the past, standard operating procedure would have been for them both to sleep in the same bed. Honestly, I think they thought all three of us were going to share the bed, because Victor casually said, "I guess I'd better be in the middle."

"Excuse me," I said pointedly. "I'm in the middle. Between you and Sango."

"Are things about to get weird?" Ellie looked somewhat perplexed. "Like, did I just get kicked out of bed before I even got in?"

Victor scratched his cheek, seeming just as confused as his friend. "Yuri, Ellie's not going to touch you, and she and I already know from experience that this bed's big enough for three people, so..."

"It's not her touching me that's the issue," I said.

"Uh..." Victor began.

"It's cool," Ellie said. "I can sleep on the floor. You've got a sleeping bag, don't you, Victor?"

"Yeah," he said. "My old one's in the closet."

"Maybe you can get that out for me," she said. "Yuri, would you be okay with me staying here in the room, at least?"

I wasn't, but it seemed uncharitable to say so. I went with, "That's fine."

I'm not sure I have the right words to describe what happened after that. Victor fetched his sleeping bag from the closet, and we all settled in; Victor and I in the bed, and Ellie on the floor. I was tired and I wanted to sleep, but it was fairly clear that neither Victor nor Ellie was sleepy. They spoke quietly, but it was still too much for me.

I pretended to be asleep, although I doubt Victor was convinced. He didn't comment on it, in any case.

I don't know how long he and Ellie chatted. They talked about everything, it seemed, including a discussion of the upcoming camping trip that I hadn't as yet been consulted about, and a lengthy stroll down memory lane to revisit several past camping misadventures.

Eventually, they wound down, and both of them fell asleep. I was exhausted beyond the point of drifting off easily by then, and I was starting to feel an all-too-familiar cramping in my belly, so it took me much longer to find my way to slumber.

In the morning, I was displeased to find that, exactly opposite of my wishes, Ellie was in our bed. She was sprawled half on top of Victor, and one of her hands was very close to somewhere if definitely shouldn’t have been. I poked Victor, trying to wake him. He rolled toward me, dislodging our bed invader in the process.

“What…?” he said sleepily.

“Your friend isn’t on the floor any more,” I said.

I glared at him, but all he offered was, "Don't look at me like that. I just noticed, too."

I did my best to pull the blankets over my head. "Go away and leave me alone. Both of you."

He patted my shoulder through the blanket. "I'll take Sango out for you."

"Thanks," I mumbled.

Victor and Ellie both got out of bed, and as they were leaving the room, I heard him say to her. "Don't mind Yuri. He's not a morning person."

By the time I got up, Ellie was gone. I found Victor in the living room, doing something on his iPad. He looked like he was deep in concentration, but glanced up from the device when I sat down next to him.

"Hey," he said. "I'm glad you finally decided to make an appearance. You want to hear about what we're thinking of doing this afternoon?"

"As in you, Leo and Ellie?"

"And you," he added. "How would you feel about going to the museum? It's not the most elaborate collection, but is says on their website that they've got an exhibit on ancient musical instruments right now, and there's always interesting stuff about the history of Willow Creek."

"No thanks," I said.

"Why not? You like history, and the museum's nice and quiet. We were thinking about going to the municipal pool afterward. You could show off your swimming skills."

"I don't feel like going to the pool."

I did want to go to the museum, but I would rather have viewed it with Victor, minus his entourage. I'm not sure what I'd expected when we left home to come here for a visit, but I'm certain spending every available hour with Victor's friends wasn't it. I guess I'd been hoping the two of us would do things together, that he'd show me places around town that were important to him, and that he'd introduce me to what mattered most to him about his hometown.

Then again, maybe that's what he thought he was doing. Maybe the most important thing about Willow Creek wasn't Willow Creek itself, but the people that were in it. And I was uncomfortable with them.

Victor sighed. "Okay. I guess the museum is off the table, then. Is there anything you want to do, or should I just assume you're going to spend the next two weeks watching TV and reading in bed?"

"I want to spend time with you," I told him.

"You could do that, if you'd agree to anything I'm asking you to do with me," he said, sounding annoyed.

"With you," I repeated. "I want to spend time with you."

"You don't want me to be with my friends. Is that it?"

"No, that's not what I said. You can be with your friends, but it'd be nice if you could pay attention to me, too."

"What do you think the museum idea was about?" he said. "You think Leo and Ellie are into that? We were trying to think of something you'd like, so we could all do stuff together and so you could get to know them better, but I guess you're not interested in knowing them, are you? I was going to suggest that you should come up to Granite Falls and camp with us this weekend, but you probably don't want to do that, either."

"Fine," I said. "If you're telling me the only way to be with you right now is to be with your friends as well, I'll go to Granite Falls."

"Try not to make it sound like a chore.”

I bit back the sharp reply that was on the tip of my tongue. Instead, I took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds. I released the air as slowly and quietly as I could. "I didn't mean to," I said. "I'll go camping with you. I've never been camping before, but I guess I can learn."

“Well, nobody’s forcing you, so don’t feel obligated."

"I'll go," I said.

He shrugged. "Okay. Whatever."

Don't make it sound like taking me with you is a chore, is how I wanted to respond, but what I said was, "Do you actually want me to go with you?"

He looked offended. "Yeah, I do. Why else would I have asked? But, if you're only doing it because you think it's what I want..." He trailed off, shrugging again. "No, never mind. Let's just try to make the best of it, all right? I'll look out for you. It'll be fine."

“Okay.”

“Who knows? You might even find something to like about it.” With that, he set his iPad down and stood up. “Mom left me a list of chores, so I’m going to get going with that. Once you’re dressed, come outside and join me if you feel like it.”

I did not go outside, other than to take Sango for a walk. I passed a significant part of the day working because, unlike Victor, I'm not on administrative leave from my job. Luckily, I almost always work remotely, so as long as I meet my deadlines, it usually doesn't matter where I am. I filled up the rest of my day playing with Sango and reading.

I didn’t see much of Victor all day, even though he didn’t go anywhere. He was busy raking leaves and doing other yard maintenance while his mother was at work, and I think he went for a bike ride at some point. His friends didn’t show up in the afternoon. I have no idea what he might’ve told them, and frankly, I didn’t care to know.

When Dr. Nelson got home, she cooked my favourite meal of tarragon seasoned chicken, rice and steamed carrots. I ate as much as I could, and I was sorry when I had to tell her that I wasn't feeling the best and couldn't finish everything on my plate. I hated disappointing her, particularly because she made the effort to prepare something I like, but there was nothing to be done for it.

Victor and I barely spoke to each other during dinner, but he was his typical chatty self with his mother. He told her that he and his friends were thinking of taking a drive to nearby Newcrest, for mini golf and amusement park rides. I hadn’t even been invited to that, so I guessed he’d given up hope that I’d say yes to any further group activities he proposed.

After dinner, Victor stayed in the kitchen to help his mother clean up, and I went downstairs to attempt to figure out exactly what roughing it in the great outdoors might entail. Less than five minutes of internet research had me turning my phone off and hiding it under my pillow.

Resigned, I dragged my luggage into the middle of the room, and opened my biggest suitcase on the bed. I was sure I was in no way prepared for the adventure that lay ahead of me. A quick perusal of my clothing and accessories told me as much.

I was in the midst of that futile exercise when Victor came in. His expression was unreadable, but he didn't appear obviously moody or angry. I was grateful for that small mercy, at least.

"Yuri, what are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm trying to get ready to go camping," I said.

"You were serious about that?"

"You thought I wasn't?"

He didn't answer, perhaps because he assumed there was no correct way to do it. He looked from me to my luggage and back again. "You can't bring your suitcase," he said. "There's only so much space in Leo's car, and we'll need most of it for gear and supplies. We're only going for two nights. You can put a few things in a backpack."

"I know I can't bring a suitcase," I said. "I'm just trying to choose my outfits. What am I supposed to wear? I don't think I have anything appropriate for the forest."

"Jeans and sweaters are fine," he said. "There's no dress code. I wouldn't bring any of your designer sweaters if I were you, though. In fact, don't bring anything you don't want to get dirty."

I bit my lip. "That narrows it a lot. Now I really don't know what to pack."

"I'll tell you what," he said. "Why don't you put all this stuff away for now? I'll help you figure it out in the morning, and if you really don't have anything appropriate, maybe we can go to Canadian Tire or the Work Warehouse and find you some stuff."

"But... those don't sound like places where I'd like to shop."

"The places you like to shop probably don't have what you need for camping," he said. "Trust me, okay? We'll get you outfitted for the woods.”

"Okay," I said.

"We should pick up a sleeping bag for you, too. You could probably borrow Mom's, but you're going to need your own when we go to Selvadorada, so we might as well get it now."

"We're going to be sleeping in a tent in Selvadorada, too?"

"I'm pretty sure there aren't going to be any hotels near where we'll be staying," he said. "Maybe we could rent a cabin there, but I'd rather go for the full experience, wouldn't you?"

"I... I don't know if I want that full of an experience," I said, all of a sudden feeling very scared about our future excursion to the rainforest. "I think I'd rather sleep under a proper roof and behind a door that can be locked."

"Why don't we see how things go this weekend, before we make a final decision about our accommodations in Selvadorada?" he said.

I peered down at the contents of my suitcase, reaching into my mind to find even the tiniest spark of excitement for our weekend plans. But, as much as I wanted to feel something other than anxiety and fear, at that moment, those were the strongest emotions I had.

My throat started to ache, and I could feel myself starting to shake a little. “Is it too late to change my mind?”

“About this weekend, or Selvadorada?”

“Possibly both, but I meant this weekend.”

"I already told you that you don’t have to go with us, didn't I?" Victor said. "I’d really like you to, but it’s your choice in the end.”

"It won't be much fun for you if you have to look after me the whole time."

"Look, everyone knows it's going to be your first time. Nobody's going to expect you to do anything on your own, if you're not ready for it," he said. "If you'd let Leo and Ellie help, we could all look after you. We could be in it together, and maybe it would be fun. They want to be your friends, you know, and it's starting to get super uncomfortable for me to keep making excuses for you, for why you don't want to be around them."

"I'm sorry. It's just..."

"Just what?"

"Nothing," I said. Frustrated by my own lack of courage, I closed my suitcase more forcefully than I'd intended. "Never mind."

Victor gazed at me for a long moment. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but it doesn't look like nothing to me. You want to tell me about it?"

On one hand, I did want to tell him about it, because I wanted him to comfort me, but on the other hand, I was too embarrassed to confess that the problem was my utter failure at overcoming my fear. I was angry with myself for making a spur-of-the-moment decision that I was too stubborn to back out of, yet simultaneously too frightened to follow through on. And I'd have to do it all in the company of people that I was too ashamed to admit made me anxious by their mere presence. All of this could've been forestalled if I'd only used a bit of logic and said no in the first place. If I was miserable now, it was nobody's fault but my own.

I shook my head. "Can you... can you just hold me, please?"

He came over to me and gathered me in his arms. "What’s wrong?”

“My belly hurts,” I said. It wasn’t a lie; I did have a gnawing pain in my stomach, and it felt like the type that was likely to get worse before it got better. My mental state wasn't helping it improve either, I was sure.

Victor stroked my back, his hand moving in a long, firm, calming rhythm. He said, "Is this a 'my belly slightly hurts and I want cuddles and sympathy' sort of thing, or is it hurting really bad?"

"It's moderately bad," I said. "I'm functional, obviously, but I don't feel great."

"Do you think this is the start of a flare-up?"

"I don't know," I tried to say, but my voice caught on the last word.

Suddenly, I found myself fighting tears. I clenched my jaw, determined I was not going to cry. I hate crying. It's humiliating, and I always feel exhausted and horrible afterwards.

I tightened my arms around Victor and pressed my face into his shoulder, clutching fistfuls of the soft fabric of his sweater.

"Yuri." Victor said my name softly. "Tell me what's really wrong."

"My stomach really hurts," I said.

"Would you feel better if I said you don't have to go camping? I'll stay here with you. We'll think of other stuff to do."

"No." My throat was so tight, I could barely speak, but I somehow got out. "I don't want to ruin the weekend for you. I always do that. it's not fair, and I... I'm sorry."

"You won't be ruining anything."

"Leo and Ellie won't go without you. I'd be ruining it for them."

"They'd understand," he said.

I wondered if they would, and I wondered if Victor truly did.

Their love for each other is so deep and strong that it's impossible to misread as anything else. I've witnessed it firsthand when they've been over here to visit. When he's with them, Victor is happier and more at ease than I've ever seen him.

As much as I wanted to be with him myself, I realized I'd already taken him away from Ellie and Leo for two years, and in a couple of weeks, I’d be doing that again. His time with them now is precious, and I didn't want to be held responsible for shortening it. I could imagine how much more Leo and Ellie would resent me than they probably already do, and how Victor might resent me too, even if he swore he wouldn't.

"I'm sorry," I said again, because I couldn't think of anything else.

"Please don't say that," Victor said. "I need you to actually talk to me, okay? If you're sick, I get that, and I get it if you're nervous about going to Granite Falls, but the way you're acting lately is just... I don't know. I'm worried about you."

"I wish I wasn't here," I whispered.

"What? Why?"

"I ruin everything."

"I don't understand what you're talking about," Victor said.

"Everything," I said. "I made you choose between me and your friends. I made you leave your home and the people you love most, and I've gotten you into situations that would never even have existed if it weren't for me. I've been trying so hard to be less clingy and needy, but I don't know how to do it, and... and I'm scared, and..."

I had to stop at that point because I could feel my composure starting to slip. I bit down on the inside of my cheek until the pain of it rivaled the pain in my stomach. It gave me something to focus on besides the flood of tears I was desperate to avoid.

"Yuri, you didn't make me leave," Victor said. "I left because I wanted to, because I love you and I wanted to be with you."

"Do you regret it?" I asked.

"Being with you? Never for a second."

"No. I meant leaving home."

He fell silent, and for a moment, my ragged breathing became the loudest sound the room. I gathered every scrap of willpower I had, ordering myself not to panic. I was afraid he was going to say yes.

Several seconds later, he did.

"I have to tell you the truth," he said. "Sometimes I do wish I'd never left here, and I've been feeling that a lot this past week especially, but I promise it has nothing to do with you. I love you, and if I magically got a do-over, I'd still travel halfway around the world for you."

"Would you?" I said. "Knowing what you know now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Knowing how you'd always have to take care of me, and how there'd be so much drama with my family, and how you'd be thousands of kilometers away from everything and everyone you care about."

"I care about you," he said.

"I know, but I'm one person." I sighed. "If you really want to be honest, tell me something."

"What?"

"If you could have your dream life, what would it look like?"

"It'd look like this. Like me being with you."

I pulled away from him, so I could look into his eyes. "No," I said. "Don't tell me what you think I want to hear. Tell me what you'd wish for, if you could live in an ideal world."

"I'd be with you," he said, beginning to cry. "Yuri, I don't understand what you're asking. Do you... do you not want to be with me? Because I thought—“

"Listen to me," I said. "I'm not asking you about us. I'm asking what you want right now. If you could live anywhere, be anything, have any specific people around you, what would that be like?"

He shook his head. "You really don't want me to tell you."

"Yes, I do."

"Okay." He drew in a breath and let it out shakily. "If we're talking about an ideal world, you're right. I never would've left Willow Creek. I would've stayed here and kept working as a personal trainer and swimming coach, and I'd be volunteering at the dog shelter. I would've stayed with my family and friends, and maybe some day I would've gone to university to be a physical therapist." He looked away from me briefly, and when he returned his gaze to mine, there was pain in his eyes, mixed with a spark of something akin to anger. "But, I gave all of that up. For you. Do you understand how huge that is? I gave up everything because I thought you were everything."

"You thought..."

"This conversation is pointless," he said. "I made my choice and now I'm living with it. That's all. There's no perfect world, only this one."

"But—"

"Why did you even make me tell you?"

"Because I needed to know."

"Why? What do you get out of it?"

"Nothing," I said. "It wasn't about me."

“It’s always about you.”

“It’s not,” I said. “At least, I don’t want it to be. It’s like I told you in Kyoto. I want to take care of you. I’m—“

“If that’s what you think you’re doing, you’re doing it wrong,” he said. “Dumb hypothetical questions don’t do anything for me. Maybe instead of torturing me with something you know I can’t have, just try to see things from my point of view for once.”

“That is what I’m trying to do,” I said.

He opened his mouth as if he was about to reply, but quickly closed it. Abruptly, he turned toward the door.

Halfway out of the room, he glanced over his shoulder. "Do whatever the hell you want about the camping trip, because I'm deciding right here and now, I'm going anyway. I'm going to get as much out of my time here as I can, because who knows when I'll get to see this place again after this?"

"Victor—“

"I'm done talking about it," he said, and then slammed the door behind himself as he departed.

I stood there for perhaps a full minute, staring at the closed door, trying to figure out at which point our conversation had taken such a drastically wrong turn, and asking myself what I should do next. In the past, I would've let Victor run off to sulk in whatever corner he happened to find convenient. This time, however, I decided I wasn't going to allow him to walk away from me before we were finished talking.

I opened the door and ascended the basement stairs as quickly as my aching body would allow. Entering the kitchen, I was just in time to catch a glimpse through the glass garden door of Victor's red sweater disappearing around one of the trees in the backyard.

i didn't pause to put on my coat. I stepped into my shoes and ran out the back door after him.

#ts4 #sims 4 #eagames #Willow Creek #victorandyuri #stargazersims #victorsworldadventures

14 notes · View notes

tanadrin · 5 years ago

Note

How /did/ things change after 2001? I was born in that year and everyone says it was different before, but I've never really gotten a sense of how.

It is difficult for me to emphasize just how different the world you see on the evening news is now, from what it was like before 2001, at least as I remember it. There’s a scene in Farscape, where after years of trying to get home, the astronaut protagonist John Crichton finally makes it back to Earth with his alien friends in tow, and when he’s reunited with his father, he’s shocked to discover his dad has gone from this optimistic, forward-looking, hopeful dreamer to a nervous, jingoistic conservative. His attitude is basically, “yes, there’s dangerous aliens out there who may or may not be trying to kill us--but the galaxy is a place full of wonders you’ve never dreamed of.” His father, in the meantime, has retreated from his hopes for a science-fiction future, and views his new alien friends with suspicion.

It’s not a subtle metaphor, but it’s true. The 90s--at least in the US, at least as I remember them--were a relentlessly optimistic period. Even if things were not yet at their ideal state, there was very much a sense they were heading there; politics was mostly down to what exact flavor of the neoliberal consensus you preferred, Clinton or Bush, and the international triumph of liberal democracy was either a fait accompli (cf. the erstwhile USSR), or just around the corner (cf. hopes for China’s liberalization in the wake of market reforms). Yes, in retrospect, this was kind of a dumb world view. If you actually lived in Russia in the 90s--to say nothing of the Balkans--it was a rough decade, and a lot of the relentless optimism of the period in the United States was down to the privileged position we viewed the world from.

The blunting of that optimism--the reminder that we were still embedded in history, and the final triumph of everything good and just was not foreordained--would not in itself have been a catastrophe. Terrorism was not a strange concept in the 90s, and even Al-Qaeda-style terrorism had its predecessors in attacks on American ships and embassies. 9/11 itself was confusing and chaotic and sad, but 9/11 wasn’t the catastrophe. The catastrophe came after, in how we responded.

I think something broke in America between 1945 and 1991. Something shifted, in a nasty way we didn't realize while we were occupied with communism and stagflation and the civil rights movement. I don't mean to say that America before 1945 was the Good Guys. But the American state and the American political class viewed the world with... humility? Like, sure, the can-do Yankee spirit before 1945 had its own special kind of arrogance (and greed, and hideous bigotry), but it still thought of the world in terms of obligations we owed other countries. By the time the Cold War ended, and the US was the sole remaining superpower, that wasn't how we viewed the world. It was still sort of how we told each other, and our children, what the world was like. We certainly talked a big game about democracy and human rights. But as soon as that principled stance was tested, we folded like a cheap suit. What we should have done after 9/11 was what we had done after every terrorist incident in or against the United States before then: treated it like the major crime it was, sent a civilian agency like the FBI in to investigate, and pursue the perpetrators diplomatically. What we did instead was treat it like the opening salvo of a war--in fact, invented a war to embed it within, to give ourselves narrative justification for that stance--and crank every element of paranoid jingoism instantly up to 11. It has never abated since.

Some of this is the little things. The TSA and the Department of Homeland Security--a name I thought was creepy Orwellian shit right from the get-go. The terror alert levels. (God! remember those?) The fact that airport security--despite being just as ineffective today as it was on September 12--is still routinely humiliating and invasive and just a total waste of everybody’s time. Some of it is the big things. The way security, and the need for security, trumps all other demands including the state’s obligation to protect civil rights. And the fact that this just isn’t even up for debate anymore. 9/11, as Chomsky presciently observed, was a boon for authoritarians everywhere. Suddenly, “counterterrorism” was the magic word that let you get away with anything, like “anti-communism” twenty years prior. At the most extreme end, this led to things like anti-atheism laws being promulgated in Saudi Arabia in the name of “counterterrorism,” but you don’t have to go that absurd to find ways in which the security state has fostered authoritarianism. In every aspect of our lives, this new, fearful outlook on the world justified a gradual ratcheting down of freedom, the gradual empowerment of petty tyrants everywhere, and the weak protests, fading into silence, of people who still believed in liberty as an important organizing principle for modern society. It wasn’t even that you’d get called a terrorist-sympathizer or anything that blatant. It just ceased to be regarded as important. It wasn’t that you were wrong, or misguided, or evil. You were just a non-serious person, someone whose opinion was clearly irrelevant, whose head was permanently in the clouds, if you thought that stuff still mattered. And that never went away.

And I think a big part of what changed between 1945 and 1991 was that the US started to believe its own jingoism. When did this start? Vietnam? Earlier? Korea? I don’t know. It’s hard to pinpoint, given that my understanding of the cultural zeitgeist of the decades before I was born mostly came from my dad’s old Doonesbury collections. I don’t know how to describe what we became--what we, hideously, revealed ourselves to be--except as a kind of machismo. A kind of ruthless, General Ripper-esque us-versus-them psychosis that gripped us where the Soviets were concerned, and never let up. And we still believe it. It still infects every atom of our political discourse. We don’t question the necessity of drone strikes, only who to drone strike and how much. We don’t really question the massive powers we’ve afforded the executive branch to wage war and conduct espionage--including kidnappings and torture--and we’ve kind of forgotten that we still have a prison camp in Cuba full of people who have never been convincted of any crime. In a way, we lost faith in law entirely: by God, we couldn’t try terrorists in American courts! (Why not? What’s wrong with American courts? Don’t we have faith in our own laws, at least?) No, justice wasn’t a matter for the law to decide anymore. Justice was a matter for the military only: justice came in the form of strength of arms. Ergo, shooting Bin Laden in the head and calling that justice; ergo, Jack Bauer; ergo, blowing up Yemeni weddings. Keep America Safe. I can’t begin to tell you how alienating and horrifying so much of the last 20 years has been, if the most consequential news stories of your childhood were the OJ Simpson murders and a discussion of the President’s cum stain.

In my opinion, the seminal text of the post-9/11 world was released in the year 2000. In the original Deus Ex video game, the year is 2150, and the world is a dark, depressing place. You, the game’s hero, work (initally) for a UN counterterrorism agency while a plague ravages the world. You hunt terrorists whose existence has provided the justification for an authoritarian crackdown on dissidents everywhere. You visit a Hong Kong firmly under the control of the CCP, you fight genetically engineered mutants created by huge businesses run amok, FEMA (no DHS then) controls the federal government, and, it turns out later in the game, the bombing of the Statue of Liberty that precipitated the creation of your organization was a false-flag attack used to justify its existence in the first place. Drones patrol the streets of NYC, and the whole thing is steeped in late-90s militia movement-style conspiracy theories about the Illuminati and the New World Order, that look weirdly out of place now that these things are more clearly aligned in the popular consciousness with right wing extremism, when back then they were just seen as kooky weirdos in Montana--but every year since then, we’ve been inching closer and closer to that world, and you know what? It wigs me out a little.

In 2000, Deus Ex was an absurdity, a fever dream of cyberpunk and early-internet conspiracism. It’s a shame that tonally speaking it’s been dead on for the two decades after. But honestly, I think the biggest thing that’s changed about the world since 2001 is our cultural capacity for optimism. I don’t mean in a sentimental way--although if you compare other texts heavily influenced by the post-2001 political milieu, you definitely see a sharp contrast with the optimism of cultural artifacts from earlier eras; science fiction was hit especially hard in this area (cf. RDM’s version of Battlestar Galactica). But I also mean this in a political/ideological sense. We cease to imagine that the world can be made better. We cease to imagine the possibilities that are afforded to us if we are willing to strive for our ideal society, even if we, personally, may never reach it. We make deals with the devil, we let the CIA violate the constitution and federal law six ways from Sunday, we don’t question the prevailing political-economic consensus even if it’s setting the planet on fire and pitching us headlong toward social disaster, because we forgot what it was to feel like those sunlit uplands we’ve been hoping for were just around the corner.

In the same way that my Catholic faith was eventually done in because the ethical principles I was taught were at odds with the manifest monstrosity of the organization that taught them to me and the metaphysics it espoused, my patriotism and my faith in America was done in because when I was a schoolkid, I really did believe that democracy and human rights and equality under the law were important. Some people probably had their illusions--if they ever had any--about the US government stripped away long ago, but I was a white kid from a reasonably prosperous part of town, so it took until the 2000s and my growing political awareness to realize just how flimsy these principles were when they were put to any kind of test. It made me angry; it still makes me angry. I was raised to believe there are some principles that are important enough that you don’t compromise them ever, no matter how scared or worried you are. Just as I was old enough to understand what was going on on the evening news, the United States betrayed everything I had been taught the United States stood for. And as a nation, we never turned back; we never apologized; we never repented. America, as an abstract entity, never was what I thought it was as a kid. But I think it could still become that, if it tried. Alas, very few people seem to believe such a thing is possible anymore. Most days, I’m not sure I do, either.

95 notes · View notes

coinofstone · 4 years ago

Text

2x11 The Witch's Quickening

Hey Arthur, remember last time you were on a manhunt in Camelot and it led you to Morgana's chambers, and she talked you out of searching them and later admitted that she'd been hiding a fugitive in there? Have you learned NOTHING

And Merlin too, he doesn't like, double back and confront Morgana or suggest Arthur do that?

Why is Arthur yelling at Merlin so much in this? Who wrote this episode.

::Coin watch the show instead of playing on her phone challenge::

Morgana being manipulated by a nine year old

Why is Arthur insulting the food as if Merlin cooked it himself? Every other meal he brings up is from the palace kitchens but on this occasion Merlin cooked himself? Ok.

Even the fkin dragon is OOC in this ep

Morgana is so much more intelligent than this.

Gaius needs to bring this to Uther in the throne room like a member of the public? He couldn't get a private audience with the king? Ok.

I really don't remember this episode being so terrible, maybe I'm in a bad mood.

You know, not for nothing, but from Mordred's perspective Merlin is being an absolute dick, not only siding with the oppressor but actively working to sabotage their plans and hurt their people. As we, the audience, are privy to the reasons behind this, WE don't necessarily questions Merlin's actions, WE know he's after the crystal because he's trying to prevent Mordred and Morgana from teaming up and bringing harm to Arthur - that's all good and well but like... Merlin could never bring himself to kill Mordred because he's just a boy, but yet he's allowed the boy to go off and become somewhat radicalized (I say 'somewhat' because honestly, it's not all that radical to plot to overthrow the king that has been waging a genocidal war against your people for twenty fucking years) without ever trying to bring him into the fold. If Merlin had explained his and Arthur's destinies to the boy, made an argument for waiting out Uther's reign in the hope that Arthur's reign will bring peace and magic back to Camelot, but which may not happen if he sees his father killed by sorcerers, and explained his reasons for hiding who he is from Morgana, regardless of Mordred's ultimate destiny to be Arthur's doom, Merlin would've at least had a shot at cultivating an alliance or at very least an understanding between them. Instead, all Mordred sees is this supremely powerful sorcerer who isn't even a druid, serving the very people that would bring an end to their entire race if they could. Although, it seems as tho Mordred has forgotten who exactly snuck him out of the castle and back to the druid camp in three first place. Makes you wonder if Morgana never explained to him that she was believed to have been kidnapped when they found her with the druids last time, and that she went along with that lie for her own safety.

Tl;dr: communication is important kids!

Do I even need to point out how much sense Morgana's little tiff with Uther did not make? Or her sudden distrust of Gwen? If anything she should think Gwen would be an ally considering a) her father was killed by Uther, as an innocent victim of Uther's war on magic, b) Gwen was party to Morgana's previous involvement in aiding and abetting a druid fugitive, c) Gwen L-I-T-E-R-A-L-L-Y sacrificed herself to save Morgana from Hengist's men, the is zero reason to question Guinevere's loyalty to Morgana, and d) Gwen has never said a WORD against sorcery or hinted at any kind of prejudice against druids or anyone with magic.

I looked up the writing credit for this, it's Jake Michie who is also credited with some fantastic episodes like Lancelot, Beauty and the beast, and the Lamia to name a few. It was directed by Alice Troughton who has also done some good eps, including other eps written by Jake Michie, so like I really don't understand what went wrong here.

Oh God there's a commentary track on this episode. I don't wannnnnaaaaaa but maybe I'll learn something, like why it turned out the way it did.

Commentary by Julian Murphy, Alice Troughton, and Katie. I do not have high hopes.

Katie right off the bat explaining shit that's important to note, God I love her on these tracks. Apparently, this was one of the last things to be shot (Merlin films everything out of order and films several episodes concurrently, depending on filming location.) and it was being shot while three other episodes were being wrapped up - so they had FOUR episodes filming concurrently and a lot of THIS episode was directed by Julian Murphy, and Jeremy shot some of it as well. This COULD explain a lot of the inconsistency, but I question how much since Julian seems to be involved in filming lots of scenes in lots of episodes. But I guess it's possible that just that on top of the rush to finish and the pressure of so many spinning plates in the air right at the end. They've just said that for this episode they had the least amount of days to shoot it out of all the episodes they've done, which is partly why they had so much going at once. It's as good a reason as any to explain it being so off, but I don't really see that explaining the wildly off characterization.

Katie going on the whole thing about Alvarr-as-revolutionary and Alice picks up on Morgana's sort of desire to be in that position and they're having a quite meaningful discussion then Julian:I think she just thinks he's hot 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Katie says the script changed a lot even as it was filming, and that things were being changed as it was filmed so I'm kind of thinking for whatever reason this entire thing was a mess and that's why it came across looking so disjointed to me.

At least Julian realize the soup scene was terrible.

Idk why they're ganging up on Katie over the chemistry between her and Alvarr. She says she wasn't playing it that way and that she wasn't feeling it and they're just like "yea uh huh sure."

They're talking about having two units filming like a few feet away from each other in the forest, while there is another two units going in France.

Julian says they had added Alvarr's girlfriend in because they wanted to dramatize his charisma and calculation... but it's not manipulation - ?????????? Someone get the man a dictionary. 'We added a random blonde in four him to kiss so that the audience knows he's got a girl already, who sees him working his charm on Morgana and comments on it 'you played her well', but Alvarr isn't actually manipulative' ??????????

They've just pointed out two entire significant beats within a sequence that was constructed on set and off script. Arthur's confrontation with Alvarr in the forest and Merlin's slow motion tracking the crystal to show its got a powerful draw. The more they describe the specifics of filming the more it sounds like an utter disaster which kind of makes me feel bad for being so harsh on the episode.

I keep having to rewind to focus on what they're saying and I feel like I've been watching this episode for about 4 hours.

Awkward bit of prop-exposure there. Trying to work out what LK could even stand for.

Idk everyone's really happy with this scene between Morgana and Uther and I'm still sitting here thinking the dialogue was utterly ridiculous.

They talked about changing that final scene, where Uther clearly knows/suspects it was Morgana who helped Alvarr escape, so that it doesn't prematurely push the story too far ahead. They cut a look Morgana gives Merlin which, rightfully so, because it would've been too much too soon. The ending to this episode still feels wholly unsatisfying to me. I understand the little tag with the dragon yelling for Merlin to release him, I don't mean that, but the ending to the main story where Alvarr just escapes and Uther not only accepts that but also accepts that Morgana must've helped him. Overall Uther's been entirely sort of neutered throughout this episode, which I understand that partially has to do with it being Morgana, but like, in previous episodes when she's been so defiant against him, he's had her by the throat and locked her in a dungeon overnight. So I just doubt understand him being so subdued here, especially since he directly threatened her when he found pr Mordred escaped, and now another druid's escaped and he essentially knows she was involved given how she spoke to him, yet he doesn't do anything? Just wildly inconsistent behavior.

Anyway apologies for overanalyzing this episode, I realize I tore it apart pretty thoroughly during the commentary and the post became quite long. I wish there was a way to add a cut on mobile but there isn't. I'll have the S2 finale post up in a few hours - I might hold off on posting until I've watched the extras, I didn't do that for S1 but then I felt the extras didn't quite warrant a whole post on their own, so I might just tack on any thoughts I have to the 2x12 post. We'll see.

#bbc merlin #merlin #bbc merlin spoilers #merlin spoilers #merthur #2x11 #bbc merlin 2x11 #merlin 2x11 #the witch's quickening #onceandfuturerewatch

13 notes · View notes

rogue-barnes-16 · 5 years ago

Text

HEAL ME (part IX/X)

Summary: she was a nurse. He was a soldier. They fell in love at first sight. It was beautiful, true love. But something isn’t beautiful because it lasts.

Pairing: 40's!Bucky Barnes x nurse!Reader

Title: You'll never know

Genre: hypocritical fluff

Tags:

Heal me: @just-add-butter @mannls @bethanyzed @fandom-addict-aesthetics @kitttysblog @roxytheimmortal @futuremrspeterparkerholland @i-am-a-fandom-slut @mrsbarneswillseeyounow @chook007 @avengersassemblee @littlephoenix-fire @androgynouswolfcookiemug @babyplutoszx2 @calspalkira @unnecessarydelivery @-lilacnialler- @silver-winter-wolf

Permanent taglist: @notexactlythatgirl @thisismysecrethappyplace @sofreakinmanyfandoms @pizzarollpatrol @bubblycypress87 @almostmellowsalad @loislp @lovenaturefirst @dyanna-corona @2ptonpt @goodnightmode @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers @mannls @cutie1365 @catch22inareddress @mybooradley @sebastianisasnack @butifulsoul125 @unlikelygalaxygiver

Warnings: language, angst, death

A/N: if you got this far, you just know you're about to suffer. If it makes y'all feel better, I suffered writing it, too so yeah, we're even. Hope you "enjoy" it lol <3.

Heal me masterlist

Rogue-barnes-16 masterlist

STEVE'S P. O. V.

I sighed, arms crossed over my chest while my mind roamed the pros and cons of Bucky's request. "She's gonna get mad." I finally replied, lifting my eyes to look at my bestfriend. "She's gonna get really mad, Buck."

"C'mon Steve." he whined, taking a couple of steps in my direction. "I didn't ask for anything in all this time, now I need ya to do me this favor and you're gonna say no?"

I shook my head no. "that's the thing, pal, 's not a regular favor." I peaked at our sides and lowered my tone to speak again. "You're asking me to leave our nurse out of this mission."

"alright, Stevie. Tell me ya think she's needed in this mission." he retorted, slowly building up a point that I knew I wouldn't be able to take down. "Let's say someone gets hurt, what do we do? We take whoever it is all the way back to the cliff?" I averted my eyes, well aware that he was right. "It's a suicide mission, either we come back with Zola, or we don't come back. So please, leave her out of this one." I pursed my lips, still hesitant about taking that decision. "Steve, for fucks sake, I love her."

I took a moment before responding. "She's gonna hate me."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

READER'S P. O. V.

"what the hell was that?" I questioned, genuinely confused about Steve's decision to leave me out of this one mission, alleging zero reasons. "He can't fuckin' do that without Philips' permission."

"Ya heard him, ya ain't coming." Bucky stated putting on his blue coat without sparing me one single look. "ya ain't needed."

"what the hell is that supposed to mean?" my question held a warning tone, letting him know I didn't like one bit what he was saying.

"we don't need medical assistance in this one." he replied, a little quieter than his voice had been in the previous sentence.

"Suddenly y'all know when I'm needed?" I started to pace.

"Ya heard Steve, doll."

"Yah, and now he's gonna hear me." I made my way to Captain America's tent, but right before reaching it, Bucky’s hand was tugging my arm. "what the hell ya doin' now?"

He only let go when we were far enough from the camp for them to hear us. "It wasn't Steve's idea." he confessed. "I don't want you to come."

"You can't do that." I stated in a growl-like tone. "You can't leave me out of missions 'cause you're scared of losing me." I stepped closer to him, not breaking eye contact for a single second. "you think I ain't scared of losing ya?" I whispered with concern mixing with the anger in my voice. "you think I don't wanna pull your self-deprecating ass outta the battlefield and drag you back to Brooklyn?" he slightly tilted his head to the side, his slate blue eyes roaming all over my body, and getting lost here and there. "But I don't do it, 'cause I know I can't,' cause this doesn't work like that."

"what if you could?" his hushed tone made it seem as if he was about to confess a secret no one knew. "What if it worked like that?" I frowned, not really understanding what he wanted me to. "what if we come back home?"

"What- what d'ya mean?" I muttered, trying not to get any hopes beforehand.

His fingers intertwined with mines hesitantly, and, after licking his lips, a half smile that I had only see the night we met appeared in his gaze. "y'know what I mean." he closed the distance between us, his lips ghosting over mines. "I wanna take ya back to Brooklyn, to a house of ours."

"Bucky..." I could feel my legs shaking as swallowed, trying to calm down before attempting to form a proper sentence. "I... Steve-- what 'bout Steve?"

"That punk got this handled, and Carter got him handled. I've had enough of this bullshit," he murmured, pecking my lips in the most tender way. "I just wanna wake up every day in an actual bed with you besides me. I wan' a future with my best gal that doesn't include war and death."

His eyes, that had been casted down to our feet during his little speech, came back to mine, and to his dismay —and to my damn luck—, I saw the trick. "Ya gonn' ask me to stay out of this mission again, and then ya gonna promise me we'll leave when you come back, don't ya?"

"Doll..." he clenched his jaw, unable to deny that disappointing truth that had just ruined my brief hopes.

"ya think I'm a lil gal?" I inquired, pulling away from him. "you'll come back, and we won't leave, I'm not stupid James."

"Please trust me on this one." he pleaded, with pain in his voice, the same pain that was making my heart clench, the pain caused by the fact that what Bucky had just described was impossible. "Please Y/n... Why can't ya trust me?"

"Fuck 'cause it's been more than two years and you're still protecting Steve, not giving a fuck 'bout your life!" a tear was shed, but I was fast enough to wipe it away.

BUCKY'S P. O. V.

"we both know that when you come back, we're not leaving." she now refused to look at me in the eye, and, even if it hurt like hell, I knew why she wouldn't believe me.

But it was alright, she didn't have to believe me, I thought. "Ya don't take my word? Alright, you don't gotta, I'll prove it to ya." I informed her, trying my best to calm my nerves by gripping the ring in my pocket.

"Stark's already waiting for ya." she mumbled, hugging herself. "Ya better leave already."

I was going to leave, but a chill ran down my spine, and I stepped towards Y/n, taking advantage of her eyes fixed on the plane situated in our left to steal a kiss from her lips.

"I love you." I waited a few seconds for her to say it back, but she didn't. Instead, she kept her eyes shut while a couple of tears ran down her cheeks. "and I know you love me, you don't gotta say it." I said, more to myself that to her, cleaning her tears. "See ya later, doll."

I turned around and, after taking a couple of steps away, I heard a weak whisper, tamed by the anger and the pride. "Come back to me, Barnes."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

READER'S P. O. V.

I hugged myself, standing in the outside of the camp. Not even the way too large for my size coat that belonged to Dum Dum was enough to endure a few minutes in the coldness of that night in London.

I wouldn't have come outside if it wasn't because we had just received a weak, really brief transmission from Gabe, informing us that they succeeded.

That's all he said, that they succeeded. Or at least all he had time to say. That they succeeded.

A minute or so after I had started to freeze out, I saw Stark's small plane preparing to land. I ran towards them, partially because I was so eager to fix things with Bucky —to tell him that I trusted him and I loved him, to assured him I believed him—, partially because I needed the heat provided by a run, even if it was the tiniest.

Gabe and Morita climbed out of the vehicle first, escorting Zola with both of his guns pointed at him. "Take him to the camp, then go straight to the infirmary, will ya?" Morita nodded without looking at me, and Gabe sniffed quietly.

It was then that I hesitated before resuming my approach to the plane, because now it felt as if something wasn't right.

As if the mission had gone wrong.

Since they came back with Zola, that didn't seem possible, but I wasn't able to shake that feeling away.

I wasn't in a rush any longer, because suddenly it came to me that maybe something had gone wrong, that maybe someone wasn't in the plane.

Dum Dum and Montgomery were the next to leave the plane, helping Steve.

Steve who had gotten injured, that was it, nothing else. Then, why couldn't I shake that goddamn feeling off me?

I peaked at the inside of the plane to see only Jaques inside with his face buried in both his hands. He was crying too.

But there was no body.

"Where's Bucky?" I questioned, turning around to face Steve. I double checked him and noticed he didn't have any injuries. "Steve. Where's Bucky." no one answered. "Where the hell is James?!"

"we-" Dum Dum swallowed, holding back his tears. He was the only one who dared to look at my face. "he- he fell off... the train."

The world around me stopped and everything disappeared for a moment.

"what?" I barely heard my own voice.

"he was with Steve and I think a hole..." Gabe's words digged deep into me. I no longer could hear what he was telling me, because Bucky had been protecting Steve.

I didn't think much about it. I couldn't. The next thing I remember was my hand slapping Steve's face with such a force that it made him stumble.

"Are you fucking HAPPY?!" my feet led me to Steve once again, probably ready to hit him again, but I felt a tug on both my arms, holding me back. "HE WAS HERE 'CAUSE OF YOU! CAUSE IN TWO GODDAMN YEARS YOU COULDN'T SEE HE WAS HURTING!!"

"Y/n—"

"and now FUCK- he got killed protecting you' cause that's the only thing he was here for!" I tried to reach him again and I felt another tug. "YOU FUCKIN' DRAGGED HIM HERE! AND YOU DRAGGED ME TOO! AND NOW HE'S DEAD AND THE ONLY REASON I'M NOT 'S 'CAUSE OF HIM"

My voice cracked. Badly. My legs hit the ground. I felt two arms hugging me and I realized it was Jaques when some French words were whispered against my hair.

I came to my senses just to realize I was crying heavily. Steve was too. After a while I would realized how guilty he felt, how bad my words stung his golden heart, but truth needed to be said.

Right?

Maybe not, maybe I was being terribly unfair, but I felt as if I was dying, and my mind was too focused on the regret and the pain, to realize I had made a mistake.

143 notes · View notes

estrxlar · 3 years ago

Text

The Ghost Of You

19 - Clean Canvas

This chapters songs:

Here She Comes; Slowdive

Dog Cuddles; Dad Sports

Dream Girl; Crisaunt

- Y. L. Perspective

I tapped my chin with the pen, frustrated that you weren't able to come up with anything. "Ah! Koshi, that hurt!" I yell at him as he softens his hands upon my shoulders. He was giving me a gentle back massage while I tried writing my first lyrics, but I was struggling to find the right words to say.

"Sorry!" He then stops squeezing my shoulders, letting his hands slide down my torso, and pull me into a hug from behind. His head nuzzled into my neck as he spoke. "What is the song about?"

I shrug. "I don't even know yet. Maybe I should just write about how much of an untalented and wasteful girl I am!" I scoff, rolling my eyes back. Now, out of all moments, my feelings decide to disappear.

Both Koshi and I say criss-cross on his bed with one single lamp on in his room. His room was not at all what I was expecting. I'd perceived it to be much messier in my head, the way an average teenage boys' room would be. But no! It was spotless and quite basic. Still, I felt very comfortable in his arms as I attempted to write down some ideas. Feeling his heartbeat on my back was enough to make me feel at home.

"Why don't you write about us, Y/n?" He asks me as he pulls me back and forth in a sway motion. The suggestion had already popped into my mind before. But if I could write about it, what would I say? How I'm in love with someone who won't tie the knot between us?

'What am I doing at his house if he's not even my boyfriend? I've got to gain some self-respect.'

Perhaps bringing it up wouldn't be as bad as I thought. So, I pull myself away from his arms and sit in front of him, fully staring at his confused face.

"What is it?" His fair voice questions, one of his fingers attempting to fiddle with my oversized t-shirt.

There was so much to say. Why arent you my boyfriend yet? Why won't you tell me what's on your mind for once? Aren't you excited about the training camp? But I decide to pick the first question. "Koshi, what's there to write about? I...I know that we both like each other very much, but what does it matter if you won't call me your girlfriend?" I look down at the grey shorts I wore, afraid that he would be disappointed in me for wanting more from him.

"I didn't know you felt that way. I guess...I guess I just wanted you to feel comfortable around me, not forced to be with me," Koshi mutters under his breath, ashamed he underestimated my love for him.

"Well of course I want to be with you!" I exclaim, leaning my head onto his chest. It worries me that he felt insecure about his love. It wasn't as if he could be giving me too much affection. So why didn't he trust that I loved him?

I sigh while he rubs my back in a circular motion, wishing he would tell me things that bothered him like this. "So you wouldn't mind being my girlfriend, Y/n?" The man's words are clear to me when he said them, not lagged like all the other times.

I nod my head. "Of course not."

"Hm, okay. Then for our first memory of being a couple, I wanna hold you," Koshi says, laying us both down onto his mattress. He leans over me, stretching to grab one of the blankets on his shelf, and unfolding it over us.

"But it's so cold. Why don't we just go under your comforter?" I ask him, pulling slightly at the corner of the thick bed sheet. But he denies my request and pulls my wrist back.

He says, "Uh-Uh-Uh! I prefer it to be cold. When we go to your house, we can use the comforter. If you're that cold then you're gonna have to hug me tighter."

I'm surprised at how stubborn Koshi was being with me but glad he was becoming more comfortable with sharing his opinion. He treated me like a princess most of the time instead of asking for what he really wants. Even if it was just the matter of a blanket.

"Do you wanna help me try and think of something to write about?" I ask him in the most delicate voice.

"What's something that saddens you, Y/n? Something that you're worried will cause you despair towards the future?" Koshi asks me. I genuinely hadn't thought about it yet. "Love is more than just feelings. I think it comes with a lot of pain. Has there ever been any pain that you've encountered during being in love?"

"Not really." My words couldn't be more honest. With Toruku, I felt sick that I had a crush on my best friend's boyfriend. And when she passed, those feelings for him weren't nearly as strong as the ones I felt about her death. As for Koshi, I've only been scared of the pain. But I hadn't endured it yet. At least that was what I thought. Truth is that every lasting second I spent with him could only cause me more and more pain in the future. "Maybe when I find what to write about, I shouldn't tell you. I should let you figure it out when I'm done with it."

"Planning something behind my back?! How evil of you." Koshi jokes, leaning on one of his elbows to hold himself up as he looked at me. With the pale moonlight shining down on him and the lamp lighting the room up slightly, he looked more beautiful than ever. I was glad that I was the one to be able I witness such an ethereal moment with him. Especially since he held me in a special place. I was his first love, after all. That's more important than any relationship he could have had with previous girls.

Attempting to obtain reassurance, I grow curious and begin to play with my new boyfriend, asking small questions. "So...what does it feel like to have sex with a girl, Kou? I've never done that before... do they smell nice? Are they soft?" It was obvious that I'd caught him off guard, for he stuttered and looked at me strangely. "I promise I won't get jealous if you tell me. I only want to know what it's like. It may help me with writing if you tell me about passionate moments like that."

Given that I'd never done anything that was borderline sexual with anyone else, I was curious about how it felt. Both physically and mentally.

"Uhm—stressful. And I haven't done it as much as you might think, so I haven't ever enjoyed it." It comes to me as a shock that he didn't have a slightly good experience that he could tell me about.

"Wh-really?! But...I thought all guys liked it! You're saying it didn't even feel good?" I waft my hand into the cold air, confused.

"No, silly. Of course it felt good, but it wasn't as passionate as you think. I wasn't ever in love with any of those girls, so it only made me feel worse. Sex isn't good for those who aren't ready for it," he explains to me.

I nod, understanding a bit more of what he meant. "Does that mean you weren't ready?"

"Mhm. I wasn't," he says. Deciding to switch up the question, he asks me, "So, what is it like to have sex with a guy? I bet they aren't very good-smelling, are they?"

I blink a few times. "Uhm, I dunno," I say, growing shy at the question. "I haven't ever...you know...had sex."

Too scared to look at Koshi, I stuff my head into a pillow and sigh obnoxiously. Though I knew he wouldn't make that much of a big deal out of it, I didn't want him thinking I was a prude. A lot of people that knew I was a virgin made fun of me for it. Truth was, I'd never found someone worthy of taking my virginity. Many told me that it was horrible for your mental health, especially for younger people like me. Not to mention how scared I was that whoever took my virginity would be rough with me and it would hurt like hell.

"Hey, hey...don't get all embarrassed on me. A lot of people haven't. That's nothing to be ashamed about. Being a virgin doesn't make you any less of a woman. If it were up to me, I'd go back and stay a virgin until the right time," Koshi states. His attempts to cheer me up were sweet, but not working all that much.

"What do you think, Kou? Do you like me better that way? You know, as a virgin?" I ask him, slightly peeking up at his lost expression.

Yes, it was something very awkward to ask. But I did want to know what he preferred. Not that I would be able to change last second if he didn't like me as I was.

"Th—that isn't something I have power over, so I don't think about it. But...you could say I prefer it."

I'm happy with his answer. Still, I was curious about the reason, so I ask, "and why is that?"

"Well...um...I'm not too sure. Not to jump to any conclusions, but think it's because...if you weren't a virgin, then our first time together wouldn't be as memorable. It's sure is selfish of me to say, but I would rather you remember me as someone who shared that moment with you. That's why I wish I would have waited until I met you," Koshi began to grow flustered towards the end of his explanation.

"And if you wanna put it into a metaphor then you could say that being a virgin is like being a blank canvas. You can only hope that someone will make something lovely of you by the time they're finished."

I haven't ever heard someone describe being a virgin in such a beautiful way. And he was right— the first time is always something you remember. That is if it's enjoyable for you. I could only hope that I would lose my virginity to someone as gentle as him.

"Then when the time comes, could you please be that person, Koshi?" I spoke, laying a hand on his chest. My nervous nature was far too obvious for me to hide. But thankfully, Koshi didn't mind it. He knew asking something like that took courage. Such profound questions weren't something to joke about.

My heart race died down when I hear him tell me, "Of course, love."

Koshi quickly gets up to turn off the lamp and I make myself more comfortable under the thin blankets and many pillows he had on his bed. When he comes back, he wraps his arms around my waist and holds me close near him.

It was no wonder that he didn't like to talk about his previous experiences with girls. He hadn't enjoyed them. But I was sure of it: and day, I'll make it up to Koshi.

"Goodnight, love. Maybe tomorrow you'll come up with something to write about, hm?"

"Yeah, goodnight." With one last kiss on the cheek, Koshi and I doze off to sleep.

Hey everyone!! Just so you know, I have a special playlist on my Spotify that I made just for this fanfiction. I always add the songs that I include in the chapters, so please go check that out in case you'd like to listen while reading!!

I love you always!! Thank you for reading I do appreciate it <3 make sure to take care of yourself

AND PLS VOTE >:(

- estrxlar

0 notes

wondergirl-lovebot · 7 years ago

Note

For your pjo Newsies au could you wrote when Jack and Crutchie get together. I'd be forever grateful (ps I've been waiting for a good pjo Newsies au for like ever so thanks for writing it)

Thanks so much for requesting!!! I really appreciate it! And, It’s my pleasure to write this au! I was sorta surprise there wasn’t any on here for it (or at least to my knowledge.) Anyways, I’ve been wanting to write fics for this AU, but I had 0 motivation to write. So, when you requested it I was super happy because it gave me a reason and motivation to actually write them! So, I should be thanking you!

Also, quick thanks to everyone who’s either sent things to my inbox, my DMs, or just simply reblogged or liked the headcannon posts about the au!

Sorry in advance for any spelling/grammar mistakes sometimes I can’t see for looking haha

They’re Breaking Your Heart? Then Try to Hear it Pound

(part one of two maybe)

Chapter 1: A One-Way Trip, A Very Hard Fall

Original Headcannon posts for this au: Part 1/ Part 2

This should be up on AO3 sometime, at the moment of me posting this I am having difficulties with posting it.

Of course, the first time Jack would ever meet/talk to his deadbeat mother would be when he was Seventeen.

But, then again he has the worse luck ever. A prime example of this would be just exactly who his mother is. Now, his mother couldn’t be that bad, right?

Well, she really isn’t personality wise, that is to say, but it’s more what she is than who she is.

Jack’s mother was the Goddess of Love, Aphrodite, herself. You’d think having a god or goddess as a parent would be cool and amazing, but it’s not. It’s far from amazing. Just ask any of the currently alive demigods, or read a Wikipedia page on any Ancient Greek “mythological” child of a god.

Their stories all end the same. Which is that it’s never a happy ending.

Now, the Goddess of Love’s children had get happy endings right? It’s basically ensured to them just based off who their mother was. That’s wrong, very wrong. It doesn’t matter who your godly parent is monsters still find away to hunt you down and kill you, and you still get to carry out all of the gods dirty work for them. You have no choice in the matter.

Aphrodite is known amongst the demigods and gods themselves as being one of the more, how do you say it, caring parents to have as a god. She generally appears in her children’s dreams to give them advice, or just to talk about their love lives. She may not do it often, but almost all of her children run into the Goddess one way or another at least once in their life times. She also watches over her children (and their love lives) more intently than most other gods. She tries her best to give them blessings and signs that she cares for them, but ultimately she’s a goddess and she isn’t allowed to directly interfere.

Jack Kelly, her eldest son at Camp Half-Blood, has never once seen her despite being seventeen and her cabin’s counselor. He’s always wanted to meet his mother, hell any half-blood who’s never met their godly parent will tell you this. Ever since he was little, even before he knew he of his divine heritage, he’s dreamed what it would be like to meet her. Those dreams were amplified at the age of ten when he arrived at camp, and was claimed by the Goddess.

Never did he ever in his seventeen miserable years of life, did he imagine any situation that even came remotely close to what ended up being their first meeting.

Well, that was probably a good thing that he didn’t imagine this situation.

It started as just a regular old day at Camp Half-Blood.

Jack was scaling the climbing wall, and was about to reach the top of it. Of course, that’s when everything went wrong. He had grabbed onto a ledge that seemed to be placed to a little too conveniently, but at the time Jack wasn’t really thinking about how the ledge seemed a little suspicious. He was mainly trying not to be incinerated by lava, at that point. So of course, when he grabbed onto the ledge it it burst into a dangerous and sickly flame.

Great Greek Fire! That’s just what I needed, he thought. Now, he had no choice, but to let go the ledge. Seeing as there were no other ledges or anything to grab onto, and the wall was just about to pour lava out the top of it, he was forced to take a free fall.

But, as soon as he hit bare earth below, he had let the pain and exhaustion consume him. And, with that Jack’s whole world went dark, engulfed by the darkness that slumber brought, as he hit the ground with a loud and painful thud.

It wasn’t uncommon for a demigod, especially of his strength, to have weird dreams about other events happening around the world at that same time. Or, to have somewhat prophetic dreams. Even, dreams that was some sign of help of guidance was normal. But, Gods showing up in them to have a quick chat about one’s love life was definitely not normal.

Even, for their messed up standards of what ‘normal’ is.

Jack stood in the middle of what seemed to be the Aphrodite Cabin, the one his siblings and him shared. But, something was off the cabin was empty. The cabin was usually filled with the children of Aphrodite gossiping, making bets on the love lives of other campers, etc. He hastily looked around confused as to why he would be having a dream about the cabin, let alone when it was empty.

That’s when he spotted her.

He didn’t really know how to describe the women sitting on his bunk with her legs neatly crossed and her hands at her sides. She was looking through a few photos that Jack had displayed by the side of his bed, before she looked up noticing his presence.

He didn’t really know how to describe the women, but he had a gut feeling that he knew this woman, and she knew him. Her appearance kept shifting, but that didn’t change the fact that he knew she was absolutely stunning.The women’s height, shape, hair color, eyes, race, and everything about her appearance other than the kind, loving smile she had on her face and her clothes, were shifting dramatically and rapidly. That was until, she finally took form as a short, sunkissed, girl with soft features and sandy blonde hair that hung to her shoulders.

That’s when he finally realized just exactly who he was in the presence of, and who trying to contact him through an unconscious dream. “M-Mother?” He managed to stutter out, fearing the reasons why his mother had come to bless his dreams with her presence.

Aphrodite only visited the dreams of those who she either, one, favored or found interesting and wanted to help make their love lives “interesting,” or something or other like that. Or, two, those of whom were her children, and were in need of some advice or help. Whether that need come from a quest, to what to wear to an important event, or to even having trouble with their love lives, and needing help to fix them.

Aphrodite really did have a soft spot for her children’s love lives.

He was really hoping it would be the latter of the two, and that this would be some sort of warning of a dangerous quest he’d have to go on soon. That would have been way better than being “blessed” with an interesting love life from his mother. That always meant trouble and pain for those involved. Oh, how Aphrodite just loved a great tragedy.

But, of course he wasn’t a child of Tyche, so naturally his luck was pretty horrible. And, of course the first time he’d ever meet his mother would be under the circumstances of his love life.

Aphrodite smiled gently at his recognition of her. Even, though Jack had never even met, let alone seen, his mother before this he could she cared somehow, just by that smile alone.

“I’m sorry that we had to meet for the first time in such, um, interesting circumstances.” She let out a small, gentle laugh before getting up from where she was seated on his bunk. “But, I must say Jack you’ve grown into quite the handsome young man.” The goddess complimented.

Jack’s face became as red as the strawberries they grew in the fields at camp at this, “Uh, thanks?” He scratched the back of his neck while smiling warily. “But, um- uh, why are you here? N-Not that I don’t want you here! I’m happy to see you after all this time! But, why now?”

The Goddess of love let out a small laugh at her son. “Well, I came to tell you that I’ve been watching you lately.” Jack could feel his face flush even more. Did she really watch over him? Does that mean she saw him fall off the climbing wall? And- Oh Gods! That means she’s seen him googly eyeing that son of Apollo during meals!

“Yes, Jack, to answer your questions I have seen you googly eyeing him, he is quite the cutie isn’t he? I’m sure Apollo would agree with you on that.” Jack was probably the color of a stop sign now. Wait, did she just read his mind? “As for the climbing wall incident, I am quite sorry about that. I really did need to talk to you, and it’s not like I can just randomly show up at that camp of yours and do it, now can I?”

“Wait, hold on a second here,” He started moving his hands in a sporadic slow-down movement, “You caused me to fall off the climbing wall? Why in the name of Zeus would you do that for?! What’s so important that it couldn’t wait till, Ya’ know I actually fell asleep?” Jack didn’t mean to snap at her, but that’s what it came out as. Aphrodite just let out a small breath, before beginning to smirk that I-have-very-interesting-plans-for-you smirk.

“Well, yes I did and I’m very sorry about that sweetie,” it felt so unreal that he was being called ‘sweetie’ after all these years of never even seeing her, “As for why I did it and why it’s so important. Well, I was just getting to that part of course!” She smiled happily, rocking on her toes.

“Let me guess, it’s about my love life isn’t it?” Jack deadpanned.

He wasn’t necessarily the most, how do you say, romantically active child of Aphrodite. He had only ever had a handful significant others, and for a child of Aphrodite that was surprising. But, he wasn’t really like his siblings. Most of them weren’t in it for the long run and some even got into relationships just to break the person’s heart on purpose. He always tried to be in it for the long run, fully committed and supportive. But, nothing ever seemed to work out in the end. Whenever, the relationship ended it was always them breaking it off, or on the rare occasion it was a mutual break up and he’d stayed very close friends with them. So, ironic right that he was the Counselor of the Aphrodite Cabin. And also, that his mom would finally appear to him when he was finally starting to accept the fact that no one liked him that way, and that he was basically single forever.

So, it was odd to say the least, that now when Jack was single and pretty content with that fact, that his mother would finally appear to him to give him love advice. “I mean not that there’s anything wrong with that! But, you know it’s just unexpected to say the least.” He said casting his eyes to the ground.

Aphrodite lifted his chin lovingly, with her lips ever so slightly curled into a smile. “Ah, looks like you guessed correctly.” Jack let out a nervous, shaky breath. He really didn’t want to know what the Goddess of Love had planned for him.

“As you know, I take quite amount of pride in my children, and just so long as they please me and stay on the write path in their hearts,” no doubt was she referring to her daughter who had become a spy in the Titan War, the old counselor, who wanted to stop but was threatened into continuing with it. In the end, she sacrificed herself for her comrades and was hailed a hero by most, but of course there were always a select few who didn’t. “I bless them with an interesting, but good love life. Now, not all of my children, especially nowadays, get as interesting ones anymore. It’s such a shame honestly, so much wasted potential just because they choose to be rude and hateful to others who don’t share the same outward beauty and standards as themselves.”

The Goddess shook her head in disappointment before continuing, “It’s not like I make their romantic stories bad, well occasionally but I digress. They just aren’t as interesting as others are, they’re quite mundane and boring for my tastes.” Maybe that’s a good thing seeing as how you tend to meddle quite a bit with others, Jack silently thought to himself.

“But, then how does that explain why you’re here?” Jack furrowed his brow looking down questioningly at his mother.

“Ah, well you see,” she smiled with slight satisfaction, “I was here to tell you that, as you know already, I have been watching you. And, since I do favor you over most of my current children, please don’t tell that to any of your siblings that! Of course, not to say that I think you would.” Her expression was playfully teasing him, yet it radiated how much she cared for him and the rest of her children at the same time. “I just wanted to tell you that even though your love life has been quiet, hm, eventful so far. And, that was without my intervention, I must say you are one of my favorites to watch.” That made him laugh nervously because he knew what was coming next.

“Anyways, I am promising you that I’ll make this even more of an interesting love life than before! You will find the ‘one,’ as you might say, soon!” She cheerfully added, “I must admit, I’m very excited to see how this one will shape up!” His eyes must of widened at that because she quickly added, “Not that it won’t be a great relationship for the ages! But, I only intervene so much. Many think I cause all of it, but I generally only give nudges in the right directions. You all are usually the deciding factor if a relationship succeeds or not though.”

Jack knew she could feel his uneasiness and scepticism, and that she was trying to comfort him, but it wasn’t really working. Jack had never had much luck in love, despite being a child of it.

“Wait, what exactly does ‘you will soon find the one’ mean?!” He must of looked crazy and frantic, but his mother just put her hand to her mouth and laughed graciously at her son.

“Oh, you will find out soon enough! Now, I must leave Ares is taking me out tonight! Au Revoir!”

“Wait, huh!?” Jack reached out questioningly, but by the he could say anything the Goddess had disappeared into air. Leaving Jack by himself in bright pink cabin, before that too disappeared.

Jack woke up with jolt.

He frantically scanned his surroundings trying to figure out where he was, and also comprehending what had just happened. Though, it was proving a challenge, since his head was pounding like a woodpecker was hacking at the side of his head. Oh, and not to mention the throbbing coming from his left leg. He also felt nauseous and lightheaded.

Great, he thought, this is just what I needed a severe burn, a concussion and multiple broken bones! Oh! And don’t forget the ‘blessing’ from Mom! Jack thought looking down at his right hand, the hand that should have been severely burnt. Yet, it showed no sign of it?

“Wow, wow, wow, relax! I’m trying to help you!”

Jack, then had realized he was in the infirmary, and had nearly head-butted the boy trying to heal him. Gods was Jack just having a great day!

That’s exactly when he realized just who was healing him. Of course, it had to be the adorable son of Apollo who ran the infirmary, and who Jack had been pining over basically since he saw the guy after his first capture the flag game. Said son of Apollo was a literal ray of sunshine despite the fact that he was crippled and forced to use a crutch everywhere he went. But, that never seemed to stop him, he was the camp’s head doctor (medic? Healer? Jack didn’t know what the proper title was) in the infirmary and really the whole camp. He was always smiling that adorable lopsided grin of his, was always positive even in the worst of situations, and so Jack couldn’t help but be drawn to him.

Not to mention was he beautifully adorable with his sandy blond hair, light but not pale complexion, assortment of splattered freckles on his nose, and don’t even get him started on those sky blue eyes.

But, of course Jack was too much of a chicken to actually talk to him, let alone remember his name! Wow, he was so pitiful.

Gods, he was more of a stereotypical son of Aphrodite than he thought he was.

Apparently, Jack was too busy staring at his face and thinking of how amazing he was that he didn’t realize that the boy was speaking to him.

“Hey, are you listening!! I’m trying to tell you what exactly happened to you, and what I’ve had and have to do to help you!” The healer pouted, trying to get Jack to lay back down.

“Oh, umm, sorry?” He flashed an apologetic smile.

“Okay, so will you listen now?”

“Of course, Sunny Boy!”

“Umm w-what?” The son of Apollo asked, flustered and- wait was he blushing?

“Yeah! Sunny Boy! Ya’ know because your a Son of Apollo and he’s the sun god,” and you’re like actual sunshine and I also have no idea what your name is, “Get it?” Jack tried to flash a playful smile, but he must of looked like a crazed perv because he felt extremely woozy and heavily medicated.

“Oh, whatever!” The boy huffed, “Everyone calls me Crutchie, so just call me that please!”

“Whatever you say Sunny Boy!”

“Anyways,” the boy- no Crutchie- continued, “You have a concussion and-”

“You don’t think I know that?”

“AND, you have several broken ribs and you fractured your left leg,” Crutchie said as he got up to go fetch something from the infirmary’s cabinet. Jack just winced realizing just how much pain he had been in. “I was able to get some Nectar in you and use my healing to mend the bones a bit so they weren’t as severely fractured as they were. Oh, and I was able to fix the burn on your hand right up! But,” he dragged the ‘but’ with a slow exhale of breath, “seeing as there’s a capture the flag game later I have to preserve some of my stock.”

“Really,” Jack raised an eyebrow, “or do you just like watching me suffer in pain?” The blond boy spun around with some ambrosia in his hands.

“Hardly, but since your cabin is sorta pissed at Hermes for pulling that prank,” he sighed slightly rolling his eyes, “and also, Spot and Race sorta freaked out about it too ‘cause I know you guys are pretty good friend right? Well, they’re sorta gonna try and kill the Hermes kids and thus their team along with it tonight. So, I have to make sure I have enough supplies to heal everyone since I’m sort of running low at the moment.”

“Wow, I’m sincerely touched by their anger and concern.” Jack mockingly cried before rolling his eyes, “Seriously, I’m good friends with the Hermes counselors guess that’s not enough.” Jack shrugged causing himself quite a bit of pain.

“Yeah, well Spot’s the type of guy who when sees the chance to start a huge fight in Capture the Flag that he knows won’t cause a huge horrible rivalry, takes it.” Crutchie sat down, unfolding the ambrosia squares. “And, Race follows him and vise versa on those sort of things….” He trailed off, “And not to mention he’s pretty good and riling people up too.”

“You act as if I don’t know this, Sunny Boy!” He chuckled, giving a faint smile as yet again he caused himself pain with a simple action.

Crutchie laughed a little while handing him the Ambrosia squares. “Oh and I forgot to mention concussions are sort of hard to heal with nectar or ambrosia and my healing powers can only do so much at a time, so we’re keeping you over night and maybe tomorrow too.” Jack took the squares gobbled them down trying his best to stay calm and collected around this guy. “Since, my main concern was your ribs and leg I wasn’t able to heal much of it, but I was able to heal it a little.”

“Ah, thanks,” Jack mumbled finishing his last bite of ambrosia. “I mean hey, you shouldn’t have to over exert yourself to heal me just because I was stupid and fell off the climbing wall.” He gave a weak smile looking up at the other boy through his lashes.

“Oh um, n-no problem!” Crutchie stuttered slightly blushing, “I mean usually I would be able to do more, but with Capture the Flag being so close and all I have to persevere a little bit. I hope spending a night at the infirmary isn’t to bad.”

“Of course not! I mean, hey I get to see more of you!” Jack grinned like a Cheshire Cat.

“Oh well, um okay,” Crutchie was blushing furiously now, “Y-You better rest! Just, uh, call me if you need me I’m gonna be here late tonight.” Crutchie stumbled toward the exit of the room, “Oh and I’ll make sure someone brings you your dinner…. Which will probably be me, see you later lover boy.” And, before Jack could say anything else Crutchie had dashed out of the room. Jack was now left alone in the room with his thoughts running wild.

Jack’s mind was more scattered than normal. Not only did he have a concussion and broken bones, he also met his mom who told him she was going to make his love life ‘interesting,’ oh and don’t forget he had woozily flirted with the guy he had been pining over! Oh what a great day!

Jack tried to comprehend what his mother had told him and what exactly ‘you will soon find the one,’ meant. Could it be- no, he shouldn’t get his hopes up, he had no chance!

Before, he knew it he had slipped into the darkness of sleep once again.

Jack would be lying if he said that he wasn’t at least a little bit sad that his time in the infirmary was over. Okay, that was a lie he was very sad about it.

He had gotten to know Crutchie much better over just that short day and two nights he was there! Now, Jack wasn’t just interested in the son of Apollo because of what he had heard, saw, and from the few short interactions they had before this. Now, Jack was officially head over heels for him.

One problem though. He still had no idea how to approach and actually spend time with Crutchie. The boy spent most of his time in the infirmary and shared no lessons with Jack at all. He felt like he was going to explode.

A few night after he was freed from the infirmary he found himself on the losing end of a poker game against Race, Spot, and his half-brother Romeo. While, Davey shook his head off to the side criticizing them for the way they were choosing to spend their free time.

“Oh come one Dave! Gambling is a very valid use of free time!” Race retorted. Davey just shook his head and laughed a bit.

“Oh well I’m not saying it’s not, and I sort of expect you to do it Race. But, I’m more or less criticizing the three who are willing to play against you.” Davey shook his head, scolding them.

“What’s so wrong playin’ against Race?” Romeo, oh Romeo he was still so oblivious. Jack had to admit Davey was right it was stupid of them to gamble against a son of Tyche, the Goddess of Luck, but hey Spot and Jack had some tricks up their sleeves. But, Romeo well he stood no chance.

Children of Tyche were extremely lucky and almost always came out victorious in the end, especially when it came to gambling. Literally, their cabin looked and pretty much was a Casino. But, keywords there, almost always. Now children of Tyche were tricky and were anything but below cheating. They love gambling and games of luck and probability. This is due to them having the power to manipulate luck, and this power Jack didn’t really understand. But anyways, basically when they gambled all was fair game really.

So, Spot was free to intimidate the hell out of Race or physically beat him. And well, Jack he was a powerful charmspeaker so that definitely wasn’t out of the question. Now, Jack would never admit aloud to charmspeaking people into certain actions, but he did it more often times than not.

Well, no one ever stated to rules about cheating other than the obvious. So, technically it wasn’t cheating. Sort of.

Race began the game, obviously. Which basically gave him free reign over the whole games possibility, and luck of players against him in which cards they were dealt. Why they still let him do this he didn’t know?

They were half way through the game when Spot brought up Jack’s time at the infirmary. “So, Bird Brain how was your stay at infirmary?” He said teasingly with a wink.

“Ooh yeah! How was you and Crutchie’s time together?” Another mock coming from Race this time.

“It was fine, I guess,” Jack tried to avoid this subject seeing how his friends could get. “I mean it’s not like anything really happened, he brought me food, made sure I was healing correctly, and did actually heal me. But, nothing happened.” He explained a little more harshly than he intended to, yet even with the harsh tone in his voice he was blushing at the thought of the son of Apollo.

“Oh, my, my looks like Jacky Boy’s got a crush!” Race announced elbowing Jack in his freshly healed ribs. Jack couldn’t help, but yelp seeing as they were still pretty sore.

“Whoops! Sorry, Jack!” Race apologized.

“‘S fine,” he mumbled rubbing his sore ribs where Race had just elbowed him in. Jack could feel his face flushing a bright red.

“Wow, it’s totally not like we didn’t see that one coming,” Davey rolled his eyes before continuing, “Seriously, Jack has been all heart-eyes at the guy for months.”

“No I wasn’t!”

“Sorry to break to ya,’ but you totally were.” Spot scoffed,leaning back on the back legs of his chair. “You two both check each other out when the other’s not paying attention. And, don’t get me started on how many times I’ve seen him watching you train or spar! You two are so in love with each other!” Spot teased him. Despite all the teasing him and Race both did, they cared about Jack and it was never with malicious intent.

“Gods! No I do not how many times do I have to tell you guys this?!” Jack’s face felt like it was on fire, and it was probably the same shade as a fire truck.

Romeo hadn’t said anything, yet. He just looked around the table confused until his face contorted into a the a-lightbulb-just-went-off look.

“Wow this makes so much sense now!” Romeo exclaimed, “Now, I understand why you’re always staring at the Apollo Table during meals.”

Jack let out a large groan before burying his face into his hands. What had got himself into? It didn’t matter all he knew is that no matter what did happen things were not going to be easy.

And he had only one person to thank for that:

Aphrodite.

Thanks for reading!! Again, sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes if there are any. Please, tell me how you liked the fic!

Also, if you have any other requests for this AU hit up my inbox!

I’ll probably write a part 2, but like I may not you guys tell me!

#WOOHOO IM DONE #I seriously love this au it's my child #Abby Writes Fics #Newsies PJO AU #Newsies #PJO #Jack Kelly #crutchie morris #Crutchie #spot conlon #racetrack higgins #Romeo (newsies)#anon #requests #jackcrutchie #sprace kind of #I meant it in a sprace way but i dont think it came off that way oh well

22 notes · View notes