#But also. Like I said. I haven't really experienced what you may be experiencing. So I can only wish you luck and perhaps ask people to

[warmspice]

I feel like uve been though this

What should i do if (and i have) fallen in love with another one of my closest friends

HI ANON!! I'm sorry this is late I got this and I sat and thought and also asked around about it.

After market research and thought crowd sourcing I suppose there are two trains of thought;

One is just flirt w them. See how they react or vibe and you can kind of determine if you'd want to confess from there if they're open or interested. (I recently met someone who was telling me abt how she got a friend turned girlfriend but truly did not think she had a chance w her at all! Sometimes life is actually a movie. Or a book. And you have to put yourself out there and try and see if that's something that perhaps the other person wants as well. )

And the second is literally just sit in it and suffer through it. Maybe maybe you want to find someone else. Or distance yourself a bit to get over them. Which!! I can imagine would be hard and awful but also you don't want to pine after someone forever if there's no chance of them returning those feelings because you!!! Deserve to be love in the way you love someone yknow!!!!

It all comes down to you and your friend and your relationship I think.

[blackmoonoracle]

𝓑𝓵𝓪𝓬𝓴 𝓶𝓸𝓸𝓷 𝓸𝓻𝓪𝓬𝓵𝓮 𝓟𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓼.....

ᴘɪᴄᴋ ᴀ ᴄᴀʀᴅ

What should you stop worrying about?

ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴏɴᴇ

The transformation of a project or relationship, you left something behind in search of something greater and you may be fearing this was your last chance. I think that you saw something very clearly and while others may not see it right now you're dodging a bullet. Hiveminds don't help, they usually harm. The fact you have the strength to go against the grain says everything about your character. You know what you witnessed, do not be afraid to stand your ground. I'm thinking of that one Kendrick song at the beginning "why god why god do I gotta suffer every stone thrown at you resting at my feet". It seems like people may be attacking you and you feel cornered, this could be that you removed yourself from a friend group and you feel vulnerable. They could have secrets about you that you're scared will be spread, but I promise you it's all good. I think what you don't see is this person only has a good reputation in that specific circle. LOL people fear them, but I feel like they're high-key becoming super irrelevant. Like no one outside of that circle listens to them anymore or wants much to do with them. You may have misjudged someone that warned you about them? The reality is the worst this person is going to do is watch you, you have too much dirt on them that's irrefutable. I feel like they said too much to you, trusted you too much, others are questioning them on why you removed themselves from the situation because they understand and trust in your character. You're actually not being negatively judged, people really adore you. Stop caring, this person is a complete loser. Even if you thought you guys were tight this person is FAAAKE. I'm feeling cancer, Libra, and Aquarius energy. This person could be a Capricorn, you might also be venusian? You'll be good babe, do you and watch the building burn behind you LOL.

ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴛᴡᴏ

You need to stop worrying and allow yourself to recover, you may have experienced something traumatic recently. Money is coming slowly but surely, you may need to be doing something to release pain from your mind and body. I'm thinking of screaming for some reason, like you need to scream or be angry. Things just may be rough right now, but it's temporary. I literally hard tough times are temporary, you may be about to start your period and that could be why you feel so antsy. Things are dying right now so that new things can enter into your life, things wont be as painful as you think. You're solid, stop worrying about some relationship in your life being destroyed or ruined. I feel like you and this person are really good at avoiding and resolving conflict but you're in denial. You're so scared you're unable to properly enjoy things, and it's honestly kind of sad. Good things can happen to you too babe, you're not fated to suffer. You're recovering, from a lot of pain, and a lot of abuse, and a lot of emotional wounding. Sometimes you just need to learn to relax and allow things to flow as they need to.

ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ

Recovering some kind of money, I feel like a loss you experienced is only going to lead up to a massive massive gain! Your idea of financial wealth and abundance may come from a place of trauma and self doubt. It's possible that you haven't ever experienced true stability, and that you've felt like you're constantly in limbo moving around pieces and trying to make things work. Sometimes you have to allow the universe to be silent, there's a control issue that roots from your insecurities. You have to learn to allow things to unfold, if you don't let things unfold they simply won't. Especially when we're dealing with manifestations, we may not understand why or HOW our manifestations are unfolding because we exist in a trauma based reality still. It's okay to let things close out, sometimes things must die and we must accept that at some point everything must end. I heard "all good things must come to an end". It doesn't mean good things don't last, and I feel like you're not understanding that whatever this good thing was you are genuinely viewing through rose colored glasses. It's going to be okay! I swear :(

[copperbadge]

Hey Sam! Would you mind sharing the research (or if you're not comfortable with that, your general search terms) you found on children of parents with emotional disregulation? That's been a theme in my own life, but I haven't found good papers about it myself, so I'd be interested in learning more.

Truly, it is a fucking quest.

So, when I initially searched I only really found one good article on what I think of as the "pop psych" side of things:

The Emotionally Dysregulated Parent by The Curious Nerd

It suffers from the problem a lot of pop psych books do, which is that it offers a highly relatable checklist and very few concrete solutions, but I don't want to criticize that because it's also not claiming that offering solutions is the goal. The article is more of a "Hey is this what I'm dealing with? Yes? Okay" kind of a situation.

Also, to preface: there is a fairly fine but visible line dividing "emotionally dysregulated" from "emotionally immature" which I think is why Adult Children Of Emotionally Immature Parents didn't resonate with me as much as it has for some. Dysregulated parents can have a fairly high level of emotional maturity, they just have wildly unpredictable reactions at times because their emotions overwhelm their self-control. So the impact on the child is less visible, and looks less like the forms of abuse or neglect that we're accustomed to.

More research under the cut but also a warning at the very end for some discussion of some pretty heavy stuff -- I'll put a little bold header before that bit so folks know when to stop reading if they want. (No personal accounts of abuse, just a discussion of abusive behaviors.)

I was looking for more articles like the one above and more research papers about the issue, but the problem was that Research came in three flavors:

All our data comes from surveys that parents took about their own dysregulation and the dysregulation of their small children. This is...interesting, I guess, but it's not good data because it's all self-reported and only by the parents.

We are studying emotional dysregulation's impact on the relationship between parents and adult children...but only in situations where the adult child is the dysregulated one. Obviously this isn't helpful and also what the fuck.

A study that affirms that emotionally dysregulated parents raise emotionally dysregulated children. I know these are necessary in order to build a framework for further research but also, you know, water be wet.

What actually helped me was stumbling across a different term during this research: "High Self-Monitoring". This refers to people who, as children, experienced unstable or irregular behavior from their caregivers and who thus developed the habit of constantly monitoring others' behavior, and others' reactions to their behavior, to ensure that they are accepted and approved of.

I never felt comfortable with thinking of myself as hypervigilant because the behaviors of hypervigilance don't match mine, but the behaviors of high self-monitors do, because they're specifically focused on the behaviors of other people in social situations. Remember how I was literally diagnosed as extremely charming? Yeah, high self-monitoring is a huge part of that.

I haven't had a chance to explore this as much. I hesitate to say the below link is helpful, because I think a lot of his suggestions aren't really valid for people with any flavor of neurodiversity, but I do think his exploration of self-monitoring is generally informative:

How to Become Less Self-Conscious by Matt Norman

Relative to high self-monitoring is another term, "Parentification", which refers to a parent investing their child with the responsibility of parenting a sibling or becoming a caregiver for said parent. This is akin to "eldest daughter syndrome" that you may have seen discussed on Tumblr, but more clinically defined and intense (and less gendered). Again, I haven't had a chance to dig into Parentification, so I don't have more to recommend yet.

Discussion of childhood trauma below, specifically incest. Skip to the next bold header if you don't want to read this.

I will say, very frequently you see Parentification paired with another term, emotional incest, which refers to a parent putting their child in the position of a romantic partner but without the physical aspect of incest. It can involve venting to the child about romantic partners or work problems, depending on the child for emotional support, preventing the child from peer activities or age-appropriate friendships because of jealousy, and sometimes physical contact that's not sexual but also not parent-child appropriate.

I think "emotional incest" is a real behavior but also a really ugly term for that behavior, and Therapist agreed. It feels like the term adds stigma simply because incest is such a loaded word. It's something I have seen people use to refer to their own experiences and that's absolutely their call, I am not going to step to anyone who needs it or feels it applies to their situation. But if the term makes you uncomfortable I think that's also justified. In talking about it, Therapist and I reframed it as Boundary Breaking, but I think with a bit of work I can come up with something a bit more specific.

So, just, if you see a discussion of emotional incest I do recommend you have a look because it's an advanced form of parentification and may be something you want to deal with, but be aware the name may feel like it sucks and be ready to uh, deal with that.

Okay, here's the second bold header, you can come back now.

So yeah, my research has been very surface level, in part because once I found all this I wanted to bring it to Therapist for guidance in further research. But I do think that "emotional dysregulation and parents" is sadly not a great search term. You're better off searching for "high self-monitor" or "parentification" and keeping a keen eye out for additional keywords those searches may generate. Good luck...

[elitadream]

Hi guys~! ⛅👋

Long time no see! Much longer than I ever intended, in fact. Truth be told, I wanted to make a public post sooner, but I've had a lot to catch up on in terms of notifications and messages since logging back in a few days ago. I've also made some changes that I will address shortly, but first of all I wanted to thank those of you who have reached out with so much care and understanding during my absence. Adjusting has been a slow and fragile process for me -still is-, and I sadly haven't responded directly to everyone yet because of it, but I wanted to say how much I appreciate your patience and support nonetheless. 🥹 🙏

Long story short, I was gone for five months due to a huge burnout, then progressively found my spark again somewhere along the way and have since mostly recovered. It was my wonderful friend @drones-of-innocence who reached out to me outside of Tumblr, and her sense of initiative is largely the reason why I managed to make this post in a somewhat reasonable delay. 😅💖 With that said however, I must also mention that I've deleted a lot of stuff from my page and have removed most of my work from the public eye as well. This may seem quite drastic and frankly a little unsettling, but I assure you that it was a thoroughly considered and reasoned decision! The thing is that I was still getting lots of notes on these drawings everyday and… To put it simply, I didn't want that anymore. 🙇‍♀️ Experiencing popularity was very detrimental to me in the long run and I needed to put an end to it for the sake of my own wellbeing; at least for now.

Which brings me to my next point.

After mulling it over for a while, I've decided that I would not be returning as an active creator in the Mario community this time around. 👐 Making fanart for this franchise (with such a high and continuously maintained degree of involvement) had a lot to do with my health's decline and I've come to realize that I wanted to direct my focus elsewhere going forward. For that reason, there are things which I know will never be repeated again in the future, both in regards to my art and online presence in general, but that's alright. Things change, as they do and should. I'm looking forward to reuniting with folks and would be very happy to stay in touch with those of you who wish to message me privately. Like my lovely pal @istadris said, what matters most about any fandom are the friends you make in it. ☺️

And speaking of which-

@ody-and-fanatu That's so sweet of you, thank you! 💗 I'm glad you've enjoyed my contribution to the fandom. It was fun while it lasted! 💫 My visual ideas may be gone from my page, but most of my written posts and replies are still there for anyone who wants to revisit those at least, so there's that! And I'd also like to answer some of the asks I still have in my inbox at some point. Knowing that you hold my art in such high regard makes really happy! 🥰 Unfortunately, the other account that I have is reserved for my professional work and I prefer to keep them separate from one other, but the good thing is that I intend to go back to this blog occasionally. Hoping to see you around! Cheers! 🥂

@heiressofdoodles Thanks, I appreciate that! ✨ I'm honestly doing much better than I was earlier this Spring. Back then, I was running on empty and on the verge of crashing without even knowing it. Being in constant physical pain was one thing, but feeling mentally and emotionally drained on a daily basis was another entirely, and something had to be done. It took me a moment to really figure out what was wrong, but thankfully I realized very quickly what was causing it and applied the breaks with all my might. One of my main priorities now is to be more alert and respect my own boundaries to make sure that this never happens again. 🥲

@keakruiser Thank you. 🙏💐 I'm just glad to have found my footing again. Feels good to be able to create freely.^^ Hope you're doing well too!

Special thanks also to @pianokantzart, @jelly-fish-wishes, @katlyntheartist, @triniji and @wahooitsamee for their kind words. 🫂 Your graciousness and consideration means a lot to me. 💝

As for all the nice people who sent me anon comments and well wishes, I tried to summarize my thoughts as best I could in this update, but if there's anything else you'd like to say or know, don't hesitate to ask me anytime! Now that I feel like myself again, I think I'm gonna hang out on Tumblr for a little bit. I'll be excited to see what you guys have been up to in the meantime! 🤗 Wishing you all a very good day and pleasant Fall. 🍂

-elita 🌸

[rahuratna]

Nanami Kento: Relationship Headcanons (now a fic), Part 4

Contents: pre-relationship headcanons, slow burn, pining, humour

The day after receiving the honey cakes, you felt slightly nervous at the prospect of meeting Nanami in the break room. You knew, however, that you could easily avoid the encounter.

Except, you didn't want to. There was a delicate balance to be maintained here, a dance of two birds hovering around the same flower and never alighting. If you didn't meet him as usual, you knew that a silent message would be sent, and received accordingly on his part. At the same time, your presence in the break room was a message on its own.

Shaking your head to clear it of these thoughts, you wondered for a minute if infatuation (you didn't want to use other terms for this feeling that you might regret later) really had to be this complicated. You didn't have time to think on it further, because the door to the room opened and the subject of your fixation stood right in front of you.

You couldn't be entirely certain, but Nanami seemed relieved to see you there. He took off his glasses and approached your table with his usual quiet greeting, which you returned. You decided to throw caution to the wind and take the initiative.

"Thank you for the cakes."

"No need. They were meant as a thanks to you for helping Yuuji," he countered smoothly, opening up his bought lunch and preparing his chopsticks.

You paused, wondering how to query after what you'd been wondering, but Nanami was back to his tricks of reading your mind. Just as you opened your mouth, he placed his folded napkin neatly to one side and said, "I've noticed you going to that bakery often. I also appreciate good quality food and have purchased their savoury range before."

You brightened immediately upon hearing that.

"Oh! Then did you try their focaccia? And the cheese and garlic bread?"

"Naturally. I'm particularly fond of the focaccia. The herb blend they use is quite splendid."

You clapped your hands together and leaned forward, all nervousness about this encounter now forgotten.

"But then, you must have tried the brie and bacon ciabatta at the place down the road, right?"

"Yes. The rocket leaves are a nice touch. They give a certain freshness and bite to what could be a heavy sandwich."

"Exactly! And the tomato tart is to die for!"

"Oh? I confess, I haven't tried that yet. Perhaps next time."

"And pair it with their French coffee. Great combination."

He took a bite of his lunch and chewed, carefully and contemplatively, as he did all things. He placed his chopsticks across the top of the container, then turned his entire body to face you, those earnest hazel eyes unflinching in their regard.

"I'm not very familiar with the menu of that place, though. Perhaps you could accompany me, to provide a few recommendations?"

You didn't have enough time to process the query. For once, your mind would not allow you to hesitate as you beamed at him and nodded.

"I'd be happy to! Let me know when you'd like to go."

"Of course."

It was only when your lunch break was over, when he'd bowed his head in a respectful greeting and left, that you realised just how rapidly your heart was beating and how your hands were experiencing small tremors, as if some mischievous sprite of the air had taken up residence there.

It felt a little like diving into the ocean, from the top of a cliff. The water may receive you, hard and turbulent at first, and then cradle you, allowing you to open your eyes and see the wonders that lay beneath. Or a treacherous rock could break your fall. Permanently.

It wasn't as if you didn't see the direction this was heading. It was the nature of the world you inhabited that made this so potentially damaging. He must know it too, so why ... But something was stopping you from going beyond that point in your thoughts. Was it intuition? Was it some innate instinct for doing what you should? Or was it plain illusion, a blindfold of obtuseness and stupidity that had somehow descended over the both of you?

Nanami sends you a message two days later, informing you that he had some time off after his morning mission and that he would like to visit the bakery, if that was fine.

Before you are able to stop yourself, to hesitate, to really think about what you are doing, you type 'Yes, perfect' and forward it to him.

You are beginning to realise that however you spin it, your answer will always be yes. Yes, yes, yes, a hundred times over. Consequences be damned.

When you finish your shift, you receive a message, punctual to the minute.

"I am waiting in the garden."

You glance into the small hand mirror you carry in your bag, brush fingers through your hair and pause before touching up your lipstick. As observant as he is, Nanami wouldn't miss something like that. A treacherous little part of your mind whispers to you, "Good. Let him."

Slamming the mirror shut, you head out, past the fairly empty rooms, through the corridors and out into the afternoon sunshine. Nanami is waiting exactly where he said he would be. His hair gleams like the glaze on those honey cakes in the buttery light of your office lamp. As you approach him, you're struck by how tall he seems, now that you're not seated at a table together.

He turns to you and offers a soft greeting. You both pause, and it seems that even Nanami is sometimes at a loss as to what course of action to take. You assert a winning smile and adjust your bag on your shoulder.

"Let's go and pick up some tarts, then."

Nanami's mouth twitches slightly.

"Oh ... I mean the tomato tarts, of course."

You can feel that tell-tale heat rising in your neck again. God, what a sentence to utter.

"I'm not sure what other tart you could mean. Let's go."

Your embarrassment turns to good humour as he turns and leads the way, his pace unhurried. He starts to point out changes on the campus that have been made since he returned to work here, some of which even you hadn't noticed, what with the blinker-vision that your job induced.

"Hmm. Those statues. They came up just last year."

"I remember. Had to call a whole crew in to install them correctly."

"What do you think about them?"

"Well, to be honest, I thought they were a little pretentious."

Nanami is silent for a minute and you glance at him curiously.

"Why? Do you like them?"

He can barely conceal the smugness in his tone when he says, "No. They were Gojo's idea."

You laugh and whatever tension or uneasiness there had been between the two of you evaporates. As you head slowly for the main entrance, Nanami types something on his phone and soon after, a black sedan, one you recognize as a Jujutsu Tech vehicle, draws up beside the two of you. Nanami instructs the driver to take you both into the nearby town where the bakery you frequent is located.

When you have been dropped off at a street corner some distance from the cafe, Nanami glances at you with a trace of uncertainty.

"I thought it would be nice weather to walk for a while. If you don't want to, then we can call for the car again."

"Of course I want to. You're right. It's a beautiful day."

You continue your stroll with him, suddenly hyper aware of his arm brushing against yours gently, the way he was deliberately keeping pace with your stride, the distinct masculine scent of him that was always evident when you were close together. You look down at his hands, the broad, elegant fingers calloused slightly at the inner curve, where they would drag against the hilt of his weapon. You wondered how they would feel under your own exploring digits.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks, softly.

You. Always.

"When did you decide that your weapon was the most suitable one?"

"Hmm."

His gaze is on you now, intent. You meet it, them allow your eyes to travel down to his hands. You've broken many vows already, but this new one, to be more open about what you think and feel, seems to be one you can adhere to.

Nanami follows your gaze and then lifts one hand, palm up, so that you can see more clearly.

"I assume you're wondering how it feels to wield a blade?"

"A little, yes."

"When we trained as sorcerers, they asked us to try out different weapons, become proficient at a few and then narrow it down to those we felt most comfortable with. I tried polearms, axes, swords, bludgeons. I found that I liked the weight of the heavy weapons, but also the precision of the blade. I told this to... a friend of mine. He went digging through the whole shed looking for something that suited me. I told him to drop it, that what I was looking for was unlikely to exist among cursed tools."

"But he kept looking, I assume?"

"He did, indeed. Day after day. He'd go looking after every training session, until even I became sick of asking him to stop. He was ... persistent like that. Haibara."

He says the name as if exhaling a weighted breath. You decide that the heaviness it bears must be pain. You think you can guess what had happened to Haibara.

"So he found your current weapon?"

"Not quite. He found an old knife, the type used to cut through dense bushes and branches. He said it felt right. I took it from him and ... he was right. It felt good in my hand. Balanced. I showed it to our teacher at the time and they had one designed for me, to the specifications I described."

He turns to you, and although the lines at the corners of his mouth seem a little deeper, his expression is more open.

"Does that answer your question?"

"It does. And I have another."

"Well, it's going to have to wait until you answer mine."

"Oh?"

"Are you in the habit of picking up tarts?"

"Nanami!"

"Pardon me. Then I'll ask something a little less personal. What is it about crosswords that you like so much?"

"Hmm. I suppose ... because I never used to be good at them."

"You weren't?"

"I was hopeless, actually," you laugh, "But I did love the challenge. I've always been good with languages. Eventually they became second nature to me."

"I see. It has to do with your stubborn streak, then?"

You splutter a little.

"What do you mean stubborn streak, as if it's a habit?"

"So you admit it, then."

"I - all right. Yes. But you're not telling me much about - "

"I overhead you talking to someone in the supply department once. You asked for a type of cubicle for the students' classrooms and they didn't make those. You drew something that looked like a beehive and sent it to him by email."

"Is there something wrong with shelving that looks like a beehive?"

"The craftsman certainly thought so, until you wore him down through sheer persistence."

"At least I'm consistently annoying."

"I don't find you annoying at all."

Your smile belies the pleasant frisson those words send through you. Honestly, your standards shouldn't be so embarrassingly low.

"Oh really? Maybe that's a character flaw, then."

He glances over and another small smile toys at the corner of his mouth.

"Possibly. I am known to possess a very high tolerance for certain persons."

By the time you reach the bakery, Nanami's speech is already less formal than you're accustomed to. He has loosened his tie slightly and his arms swing with greater freedom as he walks. He looks like he's actually having a good time and you know that you probably look much the same. It's almost too easy, this quiet camaraderie, the flow from one topic to another, the humour that bites and leaves such a teasing, pleasant sting in its wake.

You never thought it would be like this, but now you're perusing the menu, and you push that thought aside. Nanami has found you the perfect seats in a small private corner of the cafe, where you can see the street clearly, but are shielded from the view of those coming in through the main entrance. Nanami had pulled out your chair for you before seating himself and the sun's warmth is comforting against your back.

"Have you decided?" he asks, after a short while. 

"I think I'm going to try the camembert toast with fig preserve and honey."

"Feeling for something sweet, then?"

"Today, yes. What about you?"

"I'll try that tart."

You struggle to keep a straight face and Nanami eyes you slyly over the top of his menu. Clearing your throat, you continue.

"I'm glad you're taking my recommendation."

"I see it has goat's cheese. Quite the complement. I do trust you in matters of food."

"Are there matters with which you don't trust me?"

He folds the menu away and regards you seriously.

"I wouldn't trust you in matters of dancing."

You stare at him. For someone so unassuming, this man really had a penchant for stating the unexpected.

"Dancing?"

"I've noticed you trip on the corner of your desk more than a few times."

"Oh God." You cover your face, mortified. "Really? Is there anything you don't notice?"

"Little escapes me."

The waitress arrives and saves you from his merciless analysis of your clumsy nature. She takes your orders and there is a small lull in the conversation as you wait for your drinks. You take the time to examine him, and he you. There is something intimate, but relaxing about this, the way your eyes can openly take each other in now. He seems to hesitate before asking you his next question.

"Do you like this kind of thing?"

"Eating at cafes?"

"Exploring new places to eat in general."

"Oh, yes. I do it quite often by myself."

The unspoken question was answered and Nanami's expression was suddenly closed and vulnerable. He looked away from you, out into the street. His next words were considered and quiet.

"I eat out with my colleagues sometimes. After a job."

Your hands clutch the menu a little too tightly, crinkling the corners.

"You mean, like this?"

He looks you in the eye, and what you see there both exhilarates and terrifies you. There is a softly burning fire there, a quiet longing, a wound that has been picked open many times by uncontrolled fingers. His answer sounds clear, even amongst the noises of chatter, dishes clanking and the hiss of the coffee machines.

"No. Not like this."

@tsukimefuku @g-kleran @actuallysaiyan @kentocalls

[drdemonprince]

on the topic of your "bad gender" posts, the one you made mentioning sexual abuse (especially by mothers) is something nobody talks about at all and I'm glad you mentioned it.

My psychiatrist said I have CPTSD after I went through a huge breakdown after putting pieces together that I've been experiencing long-term sexual abuse from my mother (incredibly long story, but you get the idea). I still completely struggle with seeing what she's done and does as abuse, because it is totally buried in my mind that it is not abusive or strange because she is my mother. No matter how many times my friends and partner say it's wrong, or things like "imagine if it was your father", or my DBT therapist is straight up with me and tells me I was groomed by her, I just cannot get the idea that her being my mother specifically makes her behavior acceptable. (especially since I didn't come out as broadly transmasc until I was 18, and was thus seen as a complete extension of her and her body prior to).

I genuinely cannot comprehend where the line is between normal care and abuse because of what I've learned (from her or otherwise) maternal care looks like "compared to" paternal. And I just haven't found anything that's been able to really help me grasp what I've experienced because I just cannot understand why, or what I can do. The only thing I've found with others describing my specific experience is the MDSA subreddit, which is usually just extremely triggering for me to browse (obviously the content, but also the daughter framing and just the everything about it) so I don't go there, but it has shown me that many of us have lived very similar experiences, we just rarely recognized it as abnormal because it was our mother. Perceiving men as the inherently "bad gender" especially in terms of sexual abuse just makes me see red, and is a lot of why this can keep going on unnoticed. I don't really know what I'm trying to say, and I'm sorry to dump this here. It's hard to discuss the nuance of it without being kinda specific. I just saw you mention it and I rarely see the topic brought up, so I guess I just wanted to say thank you for doing so

Thank you so much for sharing this, anon. SO many children endure parentification, spousification, covert incest, and sexual abuse at the hands of their mothers and never get that mistreatment recognized as such because people view women as benevolent, passive caretakers rather than full human beings who are capable of harm. Adults wield immense power over children, particularly parents, and this power structure functions in much the same way men's power over women does -- it makes children into the property of adults, and facilitates abuse.

You are not alone in this experience at all. I'm sure you've heard all about Jeannette McCurdy's Memoir, but if you haven't read it, you might find it affirming. The poet Anne Sexton also sexually abused her daughter, Linda, who wrote a memoir about it called Searching for Mercy Street that is also a powerful read. The host of the podcast The Mental Illness Happy Hour is an adult survivor of covert sexual abuse at the hand of his mother, and he speaks about it quite frequently and thoughtfully on his show, and has interviewed numerous guests who have also survived covert incest. As a male survivor of sexual abuse at the hands of a woman, he's a rare, needed voice, and I've gotten a ton out of listening to it. There's also a self-help book on covert incest that I've read and appreciated called Silently Seduced. You may also find value in Issendai's analysis of estranged parent forums -- lots of documentation of abusive female parents and how they justify themselves to be found there, and the author eviscerates it expertly.

I hope that reading and listening to some of this material will help you to more clearly see the outlines of your own abuse and to recognize it as wrong and distinct from true maternal care. It wasn't my mom who was the chief boundary violator in my household, it was my dad, but a lot of what he did mimicked the traditionally "maternal" abuse profile, and all these resources helped me wrap my head around it a lot better. It's triggering stuff, but I think it is worth plunging these depths when you feel safe to do so, to what ever degree you can comfortably manage. You might want to dig up the Mental Illness Happy Hour episodes specifically about the host's abuse experience first, since that focuses on a man's experience of having been groomed by his mom.

Thanks for writing. My inbox is open if you wanna talk. This stuff was a foundational trauma for me that I have processed heavily and I'm always willing to discuss it more with people who have been there. <3

[coffeeghoulie]

Mushy May Day 13: "Just Wanted To Hear Your Voice"

Timezones apart, Mountain and Aether share a late night/early morning phonecall.

Thank you very much to @forlorn-crows for putting Mushy May together, and to @ghuleh-recs for the divider. <3

(this could also be for the long distance extra prompt but i digress, enjoy the fic)

Aether wakes not to his work alarm, but to the drum fill in Respite, his phone buzzing on the nightstand. He shoots up, scrambling for it in a half awake haze. He fumbles to accept the call, pressing the phone to his ear.

"Mount?" He slurs, tongue not fully cooperating yet. His mind struggles with the timezone conversion, the rest of his pack, minus Sunny, halfway across the world. "'S gotta be late over there, what's goin' on?"

There's a deep sigh on the other end, made tinny through the speakers. "Hey, Aeth. There's no emergency. Sorry if I woke you."

"Don't apologize," Aether says, tension easing from his frame as he settles back in bed, phone pinned to his ear by his shoulder as he adjusts a blanket. He doesn't have to be to the infirmary until two hours from now. There's time. And if there wasn't, he'd find a way to make time. Anything for them. "I'm awake, sweet thing. How was the Ritual?"

Another sigh, edging on a groan. "Really fucking long. I don't even want to think about how many more of these we have left. I haven't had a chance to be outside for more than five minutes in a month, nova."

Aether hisses through his teeth in sympathy. He knows second hand what being cut off from one's element feels like, a phantom pain you can't quite shake. Quintessence is everywhere, so Aether's never experienced the loss of it himself.

It's easy for the rest of them to recharge; air a constant, water everywhere on Earth, fire easy to sate with heat. Dew's preferred method of recharging is near-boiling showers, taking advantage of hotels and venues and running their hot water bills sky high. It eases both his fire and what remains of his water.

Earth is a different story, especially when the pack is moving from city to city with barely room to breathe. It's always taken a toll on Mountain, but he takes it like a champ. Though Aether will always, always, always let him vent, knows how satisfying it is to let off steam.

"I'm sorry, Mount," he hums, clearing the sleep from his eyes. He'd been dreaming, something too realistic, almost able to trick his mind that he hadn't been asleep at all, that his mattress had been warm with three ghouls' worth of body heat instead of one.

"Why'd you think it's your fault?" Mountain chuckles halfheartedly. "You in charge of scheduling or somethin'?"

Aether hums. "Maybe. You don't know," he teases. "It's late over there, Mount. You want to hang up and get some sle-?"

"No!" Mountain cuts him off suddenly, distress sharp in his tone. "No, Aeth, please, don't make me hang up."

Aether can't see him, can barely sense their bond, stretched thin with distance. He can imagine it though, the way his shoulders slump, eyes pressing shut. "Not going to make you do anything. Talk to me, sweet thing. Anything you want, just let me hear you."

Mountain sighs, and he can just barely pick up the sound of a hand dragging down his face, scraping against his stubble. Mountain normally likes a clean shave, itchy, regrowing stubble an easy way to send him into a sensory overload. But being on tour makes it difficult to keep up with the upkeep. He wonders when their next hotel day is.

"Cue's halfway through her third blanket," Mountain says slowly. Aether doesn't need to feel the bond to feel the exhaustion seeping into his voice. "We made a stop at a craft store a few days back, she came out with a literal armful of yarn. Every color under the sun. I think she cleared out an entire color's worth of baby blanket yarn. She said something about making one for Aurora."

Aether hums considerately, reaching with one hand to the purple and navy blanket that had been pushed aside in his sleep. Still as soft as the day she had shyly handed it to him, the second one she had ever made, only a few months' summoned. She's come out of her shell since, but Aether rubs the yarn between his thumb and forefinger and remembers anyways. "Aeon's gotten theirs?"

There's silence for a second, and a quiet spew of Ghoulish cursing. "Just fucking nodded like you could see me," Mountain laughs, exhausted. "The second one she made was Aeon's."

"They like it?" Aether asks, biting back a yawn, tail going ramrod straight as he stretches his back. There's the sound of a privacy curtain being pulled back, and Mountain groans softly before the curtain is pulled again.

"Had to make sure they were still out there," he explains. "They're currently burritoed up in it on the couch with Swiss."

"Don't get up and do it now," Aether says, chuffing at the mental image of the new quintessence ghoul all cozy. "But in the morning, if they're still wrapped up, send me a picture, will you, sweet thing?"

A soft chuckle. "Of course, nova. Thank you."

"What for?" Aether says.

"I dunno. Just wanted to hear your voice."

Aether chuffs, reaching for his glasses. It's almost time for him to get up out of bed. "Thank you, too, then," he says, sliding his glasses on one handed. "I miss you all terribly."

There's a long sigh, which changes halfway through into a yawn. "I don't want to hang up, Aeth." His voice is as small as Aether's heard it in years, not since the last time the pack was thrown into upheaval.

"I know, Mount. I know. But you still need to sleep, sweet thing. Call me in the morning?" Aether offers, knowing that he'll probably be on his break by the time Mountain wakes, ever the early riser.

"I'll call you in the morning," Mountain says, still a little hesitant. "I love you, nova."

Aether smiles. "Love you too. I'll talk to you soon."

[tenpintsof-sundrop]

Some Kind of Disaster - Preview

Gally (TMR) x Fem!Reader

Concept: You saw Gally take a spear through the chest, and you are more than shocked to find him alive and well, in front of your eyes.

Preview Word Count: 970

If you like this preview, follow my writing blog @sundrop-writes and turn on notifications there as the full fic will be posted there sometime within the next few months when I have the time and energy to edit it. I may or may not make a TMR taglist, I'm not sure??

A/N: This is based entirely on the movie version of Gally, as I haven't read the books and don't plan on doing so. The title comes from an All Time Low song of the same name - which I would highly recommend listening to in order to get the vibes for this fic. Also apparently this is the same concept as a dozen other Gally fics, but I don't really care right now - because I got inspired to do it and it's entirely self indulgent, and this is my take on the concept lmao. I am currently on hiatus, but I've been working on fics as a form of stress relief during this time - but I haven't been editing fics. This fic will be posted after its edited sometime within the next month or two. (And there is already a sequel in the works, shhh.) Anyway, I hope you enjoy this, and feedback is much appreciated!

Warnings: the full fic will be smut, but this is more of a tease of that; the reader character uses she/her pronouns and has a vagina; spoilers for the films if you haven't seen them; arguing that turns into kissing; Gally has a self-deprecating/insecure inner monologue; mentions of Newt x Reader (it's one-sided in this fic, but may be something more later on ;)); Gally being possessive, Gally being rough (but the reader likes it); mention of Gally masturbating to thoughts of the reader; implications of Gally being taller than the reader (which I think is likely for most people cause Will Poulter is pretty fuckin tall); technically virginity loss (but it's not a big focus of the fic) - it's more about two people naturally enjoying their first time together (and I wrote this the same way I would write a first time in a relationship with two slightly more experienced characters) - and also nothing majorly sexual comes up in this part; this section: heated kissing with intentions towards sex, and that's pretty much it.

...

“Look, I’m sorry I’m not like them, okay?”

He spat out these words bitterly when you didn’t speak, and this left you confused. “I’m sorry I’m not some dumb brave hero guy-” 

You reached out and roughly shoved the middle of his chest again. Unknowingly, this aggravated the healed scar where the spear had gone through him, sending a dull ache through him at having the tender pink skin so roughly prodded without his chest armor on this time. 

“You’re so stupid!” You barked back, utterly insulted by his words. 

He thought this was par for the course, that you would begin hurling more insults before storming out. He thought that you would tell him his supposed ‘death’ had been the best thing that had ever happened to you, and the longing looks Newt had given you were truly something more. 

“God, you’re so-!” 

You choked on your own words and tears welled up in your eyes, and you took a sharp breath before you continued. 

“You are that dumb brave hero guy!” You yelled back, speaking like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

Gally gaped at you, and you continued. 

“What do you think all that was?” You gestured vaguely behind yourself, obviously speaking about the events earlier in the day - when he had rushed into heavy bomb fire to drag you and the others to safety. “That was the dumbest hero guy thing I have ever seen.” You said, putting a stain of emphasis on the word ‘dumb’, pinching his own phrasing for it right in the ass. 

“That was nothing, I just did that because you were in danger, and-” 

“And that’s exactly what Thomas would have done.” You replied, quickly cutting him off. “You’re every bit as good as him. You are.” 

There was a tense moment where you stared him down, deep contemplation knit across his features while you waited for him to agree with you. 

“I wasn’t when you left the Maze.” He added on, quiet guilt floating through his voice. “I wasn’t brave then. I was a coward. I couldn’t be what you needed-” 

“You have always been what I need, Gally. When will you get that through your thick shank skull?” 

You were done rehashing the past. 

You were done contemplating the details of what could have been. It hit you truly then - all that mattered to you now was the fact that Gally, your Gally was in front of you, somehow alive and well. And though it was something you never could have predicted, you wouldn’t let such a beautiful thing slip through your fingers. 

You reached out and grabbed the front of his sweatshirt, pulling him forward roughly. At the end of that jerking motion, he was met with your lips, and he sunk into the kiss without a second thought, closing his eyes and letting out a soft sigh that shouldn’t have suited him so well. Adding to that softness as he reached up to gently cup your cheeks while you gnawed at him with a feral passion. 

This is exactly what he had been waiting for. This was the reunion he had wanted all along. 

In a moment, the touch, your desperate grip on the front of his shirt, the way you ran your teeth along his bottom lip, edging toward something more - it triggered something within him. A possessive streak over you that had long been dormant; something once fueled by rage and jealousy and fear over the bad things that might happen to you if he wasn’t constantly looking over your shoulder. Now, it came from something much deeper. 

That immature love he had felt for you that had only grown and matured during your time apart, adding to a hungry passion for you now that he had you back in his arms - now that he could feel the heat of your skin, smell you, hear the whimpering patter of your breath and know that you were so damn real. (Not just another falsehood of his imagination with the details poorly filled in that he tried to soothe himself with, while he had a hand on his cock.) 

He was the one who charged at you this time, shoving you backwards and walking tightly with you, crowding you back until you hit a wall. You hadn’t truly taken in your surroundings, and if you had half a mind to, you would have noticed that this was some kind of dingy store room - used for scavenged spare parts for the vehicles and old guns that needed to be repaired in order to be put into use. 

But your brain didn’t take any of that in when your back made contact with the wall, Gally still kissing you fiercely, making you downright dizzy. You didn’t have time to think when one of his hands took a possessive hold on your thigh, hiking your leg up around his hip while his presence loomed over you, like the perfect protective wall you always felt that he was. He continued the heated liplock for a moment before he pulled away for air, and then, a particular query couldn’t be contained within you. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” You asked, half-teasing, still holding your death grip on his shirt. 

There was a particular hum between your thighs - something hot and beating and alive, a calling that demanded to be answered. You knew that you would be devastated if Gally stopped too soon or didn’t rise to that call. So you had to know what his intentions were now to prepare yourself for the potential disappointment. 

“Showing you how much I missed you.” He answered firmly, entirely certain, leaning in to capture your mouth again - pressing his whole body tightly against yours now. 

It sent a thrill through you - knowing that he would answer that call and thensome.

[littlefingies]

So I'm rewatching 2x04 and 2x05 and thinking about Lucius. And I think there's a decent chance that:

The Revenge is his first experience on a pirate ship, and

He and Stede are the only ones in this situation.

The show makes a point of telling us that the other people on the ship either have experience with pirating/violence, or have had a shit time of it so far.

We know Jim's backstory.

Olu doesn't have lots of combat experience, but between his "we have no other choice" speech and "la vida es dolor", he's had a rough go.

Roach sewed his own arm up once.

Wee John demonstrates his weapon with gusto and clearly has pyro experience.

Buttons just straight up tells us.

Pete may be lying (put him down as a maybe) but he's clearly happy to be here.

Frenchie was "in service" and has seen enough of the world to find it pretty blase.

The Swede could potentially be a maybe. We just know nothing about him.

We know that Lucius can read, and we know that he used to pick pockets, but he seems uncomfortable with violence in a way that only Stede shares. (See: "yeah he looks pretty stunned" re: Nigel Badminton)

So why am I thinking about this?

I think it's interesting that Lucius is the only one disturbed by Ed's weird half-apology speech in 2x05. AND I think there's a good chance that the horrors he experienced on the other ships (after getting thrown overboard) were yes, horrors, but also pretty standard for pirate life.

By this point in the show we have Archie, who gives us a window into how most pirates (who have never met Stede) would view the Kraken-era Revenge. And she seems to see it as... fairly normal? She's a bit perturbed by Izzy, and she's pissed at being asked to fight Jim, but she seems to see all the rest as pretty average.

This sets up a really juicy contrast between life under piracy in general vs. life under Stede piracy.

Lucius is the only character to experience pirate life when his *only prior pirate experience* was under Stede. That makes him a modern window into the show - he's like "wow this is fucking terrible", as we would no doubt agree if we were thrust into that situation.

Anyways, something about perspective, something about Lucius thinking his experiences have been uniquely violent when they probably haven't (not that they weren't awful), something about Blackbeard being a pirate but not a uniquely violent one, something about Izzy saying possibly his first true thing all show (yeah I lost a leg, I'm a fucking pirate, this happens all the time), something about how if Lucius told Archie about what he went through, she'd say "oh so you were... on a pirate ship? Yeah, piracy sucks, but so does everything else".

Something about how if any other crew members had that experience *before* meeting stede I think they'd find it pretty normal as well. Because the point of piracy in the show is that it's not a fun adventure, it's actually violent and awful and the people you care about are always at risk. (It's also one of the few ways to survive when there's not a place for you in a colonized world, I think? But I'm not the right person to write about that and others have said it better.)

[nausikaaa]

Six Sentence Books Sunday

hello y'all! i've been having a busy week, trying to get all my christmas shopping done before December even begins, because otherwise i know the entire month will escape me and i'll wind up realising i've missed someone on christmas eve. despite my efforts, i still haven't got anything for my dad- usually he's the easy one to buy for, but this year i'm just stumped.

i'm also putting my billy goat Hadrian out with the girls (Juno, Daisy, Lucy and Mina) in just under a week, but Daisy was getting pushed around and picked on, so i separated her last week so she can put on a little weight and relax beforehand, because if she's stressed, she may not come into season. then it snowed. goats are herd animals, they prefer to have company, so i made sure she could see the others through the fence, but it turns out she is absolutely loving having her warm little hut to herself while the others all share the big shed, while Hadrian has a corner of the hay shed to himself, with wickets keeping him from the hay.

flattering photos of the handsome chap and damsel in distress before the snow hit:

sorry for the ramble. anyway! writing! well... i haven't been doing much lately, to be honest. when i'm in a writing slump, i like to read instead, and i view it as putting words in my brain so that it can make it's own words. it also helps me pick out things i do and don't want to emulate in my own writing. so instead of sentences, here are six books I read this year which i took something from:

We Solve Murders by Richard Osman, from which I am taking that it's okay to just use "said" instead of using a billion synonyms, as it blends in to the background and allows the story to flow more naturally. unless the way something is said is really relevant, it's better to show a character's feelings another way.

American Hippo by Sarah Gailey, which has such easy to follow yet engaging action and fight scenes, which I aspire to.

Home Fire by Kamila Shamsie, which had me sobbing inconsolably at the end. if a book prompts a physical reaction in me, that's an instant 5 stars. it's based on the ancient greek play Antigone, and though you don't need to know the play to enjoy the book, it really does deal an additional sucker punch to know how that story ends and yet hope so desperately the whole time: maybe it will turn out okay this time? a masterclass of foreshadowing and implication, somebody can literally die and it go unsaid, but you will know and it will destroy you.

Alcestis by Katherine Beutner. I hated this book. Plot? I barely know her. Consent? What's that? Resolution? Nah, pass. I learned what not to do from this garbage.

Percy Jackson: Wrath Of The Triple Goddess by Rick Riordan. I actually read both of the new pjo books that came out this year and honestly, they've shown me that sometimes a book can just be fun. There's no world ending drama, but still emotional moments and tension, and the whole story takes place over a matter of days. It doesn't have to be perfect, it can just be a good time.

The Amber Fury by Natalie Haynes. As somebody who writes a lot about grief, this book really helped with that by depicting it in such a raw and honest way, allowing the audience to connect with it even if they've never experienced the kind of loss the main character has. I do draw on my own experiences, but this helped me put it into words. It also shows how healing is always possible, no matter how severe the grief, so long as you have the right support system, something I am still muddling through.

an invitation to share some sentences or some books: @forabeatofadrum @cutestkilla @run-for-chamo-miles @roomwithanopenfire @prettygoododds @bookish-bogwitch @ic3-que3n @blackberrysummerblog @j-nipper-95 @youarenevertooold @larkral @that-disabled-princess @orange-peony @aristocratic-otter @thewholelemon @alexalexinii @confused-bi-queer @shrekgogurt @comesitintheclover @raenestee @hushed-chorus @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @noblecorgi @shemakesmeforget @ileadacharmedlife @supercutedinosaurs @artsyunderstudy @otherpeoplesheartachept-2 and @ninemagicks

[iguessiwritenow]

To Cease or Not to Cease

Summary: A Reader/OC fix-it because I just finished season 4 and wtf was that. Also this may be unhinged as its 1am and I haven't slept yet lolol.

“We cease to exist.”

Thalia let out a deep sigh and closed her eyes for a moment of peace. The confirmation of the end of the world and her existence weighed heavy on her. As it did for all of her siblings based on the silence that settled over the rest of them.

“Old Klaus might have been down for some recreational hara-kiri,” Klaus started, “But it turns out, I’m really not into killing myself. So, uh, count me out.”

“Actually, it’s not killing ourselves. It’s worse than that. We’ll be erased from history. None of the the timelines will have ever existed. No one will have any memory of this… or us” Five corrected. 

Diego turned towards Five suddenly.

“But if we cease to exist, what’ll happen to our families?”

“I’m not sure.”

And Thalia couldn’t help but get angry at that response. The uncertainty of it all left a pit in her stomach. After everything didn’t her family deserve to be happy, to be at peace.

“No.” She stated to the room.

“Thalia, please, this is the only wa-“

“No!” She exclaimed again tears starting to fall, “I am not just going to sit here and die. To let any of us die!”

Luther put his arm around her in a half hug to comfort her as she cried. But Thalia, in her upset and anger, found conviction and once again addressed Five.

“You said it just has to be there marigold right?”

“Well, yes but-“ Thalia cut him off now glancing in Viktor’s direction.

“And you can extract the marigold?” 

Viktor gave his affirmative with a brief nod as Thalia moved over to him. Putting her hand on his shoulder she activated her powers and pulled until a copy appeared.

“Here’s what’s going to happen.” Thalia started to make her way towards Five. “Viktor’s double will extract the marigold from us and the double I make of Five will take us to the subway.”

Thalia pulled at Five so his doubled appeared and then at herself. Once done she spun to face her family and took them each in. While there was still despair and uncertainty, Thalia saw hope on their faces and it brought a small smile to hers.

“Who’s with me?” A chorus of cheers went around the group in affirmation. “Then let’s get started!”

-

Experiencing the marigold get extracted was strange, there was a pain to it, but the sight was strange as well. Thalia thought it looked like hundreds of fireflies conjoining around her family. If it weren’t for the situation Thalia may even venture to call it beautiful.

To think that power that changed the timelines, if not the universe as a whole looked like glowing Fanta when contained.

Thalia watched as the double she had created of Five vanished with Diego and Lila’s family and Claire with a sense of accomplishment. Facing her family she let herself relax a little. Her family would live a hopefully peaceful life from here on out.

Thalia glanced at the double of Viktor and dismissed it. Then Thalia was face to face with herself. Until this moment Thalia hadn’t realized how much older she looked. Gone was the grief of her childhood and regrets as a young adult. In her place stood a woman at peace with herself. A pat oh her shoulder interrupted her thoughts.

“Let’s go sis, before we miss the train.” Diego said as he guided her towards the rest of the family. And with a final glance at herself and the jar full of marigold Thalia allowed the double of Five to jump them away.

-

Watching the reunions as everyone bored the train brought tears to her eyes. To see Allison hug Claire and cry, while Diego and Lila tried to fit all of their children in their arms. Yes, Thalia thought to herself this made everything worth it.

Sitting on one of the empty seats Thalia closed her eyes and leaned her head back until it hit the window of the train. The motion of the train starting to move almost putting you to sleep.

“You okay there sis, you’re looking a little… glowy.” Luther asked you after a while. A chuckle escaped you at the wording but you gave a nod.

“It’s here.” You whisper.

“What’s here?” 

“The Cleanse.” With that answer Thalia felt her siblings gather around her. In an attempt to understand they all started to ask question, everyone speaking over each other.

“Please tell me you didn’t.” Thalia heard Five over the rest.

“What did she do, what’s going on Five” Diego demanded.

“She stayed back. The Thalia here, with us, isn’t the real one. She’s a double.”

“Please tell me that’s not true Thalia! Why would you do that.” Sobbed Allison 

“Without the marigold, Thalias doubles wouldn’t be able to exist, so we wouldn’t have been able to get to the subway if she gave hers up. But she also couldn’t come with us otherwise the cycle would just restart.”

Thalia gave a hum and a nod to Five’s explanation. 

The dim glow that had surrounded Thalia before grew stronger and as if feeling her originals pain, a tingling sensation began to fill her body.

“It tingles.” Thalia commented as a tears started to stream down her cheeks. Thalias feet started to dissolve into dust and the rest of her slowly followed.

“I love you guys so much.” Thalia sobbed, “I just want us to be happy together, a family.”

Diego and Five shared a glance.

“Promise me you’ll fix things.” Thalia begged, “Please.”

“I promise Tally.” Diego stated eyeing Five.

Sighing in relief Thalia smiled and let let out one last breath before dusting all together and ceasing to exist.

[transraptortrainer]

I'll speak to specifically the trauma of them losing Brooklynn to a dinosaur !!

Kenji obviously became extremely avoidant which I think was perpetuated by a lot of trauma he experienced just dealing with the dad stuff. It's not easy for him to talk about his feelings or address them directly, and I think he knew he'd be hurtful to Darius - someone he really cares about - if he saw him again after Brooklynn's funeral, which is why he dropped contact with him and the others. He didn't want to hurt his brother but he needed space and a lot of time to heal from what had happened. That being said I don't think he would've ever broken that silence if it wasn't for Darius showing up on his door.

Darius isolated, and as he's always done, he blamed himself. Darius has suffered from survivor's guilt even since his father passed. It's never been easy for him to move on or forgive himself. But he also became a bit obsessive, and knowing that there was originally this plot for Darius to just hate dinosaurs because of the event was passed around in early screenings of season 1 is soo much but it really indicates how much Brooklynn's death meant to him. He couldn't view dinosaurs through the same passionate lense he always did. I think that is extremely representative of his feelings.

Similarly to Darius, Ben also became obsessive in a different kind of way...? Idk if anyone's noticed that his anxiety has kinda evolved into a what appears to me as a kind of paranoia disorder , which. Same queen I get it. He even went as far as to consider his friend Sammy may have been involved! He admits he had to rule out all possibilities which I can only imagine made him feel incredibly guilty. I think he also had to detach, probably mostly because the event caused a split in his friend group. He's become extremely self-reliant but his disorders are manifesting in fun and interesting new ways LOL.

Sammy copes through keeping busy. Obviously. I wouldn't be surprised if this is somehow related to the fact her family decided to end contact with her. But btw can we talk about how much that must've been the straw that broke the camel's back? We know family is the most important thing in the world to Sammy. Not only did she lose her family, but her camp fam haven't been together in 6 months and it's broken her heart. But she keeps busy. She cooks, she cleans, she cares for bumpy. She tries to do anything but think about what's happened to her.

For yaz.. well she's the only one actively receiving therapy. So she's coping. I would bet she thought about quitting therapy and school to support Sammy after everything happened but Sammy refused to let this happen. Yaz is very pragmatic and probably fell into a mindset once or twice that something like this was only bound to happen eventually...Yasmina seemed maybe the least effected by the loss and I think that's probably entirely because she was actively speaking about the trauma and working through it with a support group on the island. Love you girl.....

[riordanverserpdatabase]

Our second vote of the day!!! This one is highly anticipated!!!!

Cabin 10 - Aphrodite

Haven, why would you be a good fit for Head Counselor?

Inbox (1)

Email from Haven Arcadia ( @sweetxloverxx )

attachment: 1 video

The video begins with Haven sitting on her bunk, the sounds of cabin 10 behind her. She seems to be laughing at something her sibling said before remembering what she was doing.

"Is this thing on? Yes? Oh! It is, cool!" Nervous laughter follows

"Okay! So! Consider this my......Head Councilor Application?"

"Okay- here goes."

"Hi! My name is Haven Arcadia, I'm from cabin ten! You asked for my at on Tumblr, so I included it in my email header, hope that's okay. Um, I'm eighteen years old, and have been here for a year, but within that year, I have participated in a few notable events."

She takes a deep breath.

"I want to be head councilor because I know what it's like to be terrified and alone in a new environment, and the mental toll it can take on you. I want to prevent new campers from experiencing that. I know that there are opportunities to grow and branch out here, and I want to show the new campers that this place isn't as scary as it seems, and that it really can feel like, and be, a home."

She smiles.

"I suppose that's all! Thank you for taking time to watch this, mods."

The video ends.

Elizabeth, Why would you be a good fit for head counselor? @lizzie-beau

I haven't been involved in any major or intentional conflicts and my inbox is always open. I would love to help new campers who may be intimidated or scared or maybe don’t even know what’s going on and I'm comfortable being in leadership positions. I’d love to be their big sister figure or like a mentor of sorts! I'm experienced when it comes to leading campers as I’ve been at camp for about ten years now and have a fairly open schedule which means I’m always available to help one of my siblings or fellow campers out. I try to come across as very friendly and l'm an extrovert who won't hesitate to put their foot down if need be. I speak English, French, and Greek which is a plus the more languages I speak the better I can communicate with my fellow campers! I want to make sure camp is a safe, inclusive space and help protect everyone. I can also charmspeak which has come in handy on more than one occasion but I strictly refuse to use it on fellow campers.

Brooklyn, why would you be a good fit for Head Counselor? @love-lightning-forethought

I would be a good fit because I'm a good leader, I can act well under pressure and I'm friendly (I hope). I am willing to take on the responsibilities of head counsellor and hope to help :)

Alright Cabin 10!!! Let's hear it!!!

Adelaide Swan @aphrodites-finnish-daughter

Celeste (Hunter of Artemis) @cel-child-of-aphrodite

Cynthia Carter @ride-the-tide

Dorian Sinclaire @sonofamotherloving-lovelady

Isabel @oneofaphroditesmanykids

Jeanette-Elódie Chiyo Takahashi @jean-isnot-verysweet

Jinka Medali @jinkas-heart-filled-meadows

Leora Caory @therosesonofaphrodite

Mackenzie (Brooklyn?) Hayword @rayof-damnsunshine

Rosalie @that-girl-cupid

Sara Davies (Matchmaker Extraordinaire) @camp-half-bloods-resident-cupid

Stephanie (or Steph) @that-asian-child-of-aphrodite

[lilysqueaks]

Drug Education Essay

Big Small nerding out warning. 😅

When i first started smoking weed i was surprised how much bullshit I was told before, due to everything related to the war on drugs. So i started learning anything and everything about every major drug to learn about their effects, their dangers & how to consume them safely. I did this because i wanted to find out what drugs i would ever consider consuming, and even for ones i wouldn't, i wanted to know how to advise and/or assist people who would.

The following will be a long essay about some of these things, though since this a HUGE topic, i won't be able to cover all points i would like to by any means.

Safer use

To consume drugs safely with minimal risk it's important to balance 3 different aspects.

Set (Your mindset and general headspace)

Setting (Your surroundings/environment)

Dosage (Amount and method of consumption)

1. Set

The set refers to your mindset.

How do you feel mentally/emotionally?

Are things wheighing on your mind?

Do you feel stressed recently?

How do you feel physically? (tired, exhausted, strained, restless?)

Can your body deal with the drugs effects?

2. Setting

The settings describes your immediate surroundings while doing any drug.

Are you in a comfortable environment?

Are you with friends you trust?

Do you have someone with you who is sober, for whatever may come up?

3. Dosage

Dosage refers the amount of any drug you're taking. Taking multiple drugs at once often causes drugs to potentiate each other. If you think about mixing them make sure to check if they're compatible with each other. (https://combo.tripsit.me/)

Balance in All things

Imagine these 3 aspects as a triangle to balance out. When you have a really good Set & Setting, you may go with higher dose, but at the same time if either isn't stable, it may be a better idea to not take drugs today, or go with a low dose and go from there.

Trip Sitter

It's highly recommended to have a trip sitter with you, especially if you take something for the first time, or in high doses.

A trip sitter is someone who you trust, stays sober, can comfort people having a hard time, and deal with outsiders and situations that may arise related or unrelated to the trip.

On (https://tripsit.me/) you can find guides for tripsitting, as well as a webchat for when you may take some drugs alone, and you're looking for someone to talk to.

Drug Categories

Drugs can be put into categories of:

Uppers (e.g. Nicotine, Caffeine, Amphetamines, Cocaine)

Empathogenes (e.g. MDMA)

Psychedelic stimulants (e.g. 2C-B)

Psychedelics (e.g. LSD, Psylocybin)

Cannabinoids (e.g. Weed)

Dissociatives (e.g. Ketamin)

Downers (e.g. Alcohol, Benzodiazipines, Heroin)

Many drugs may overlap or cross the lines of said categories fluidly.

You can find detailed information about each drug in this amazing database by tripsit.me.

https://tripsit.me/factsheets

I'll try my best to describe these categories, but please forgive me that i often can't be as clear or explanatory as i would like to be, because most drug experiences are very unique, and it's kind of like a color you've never seen, music you've never heard and art you've never felt before, if you haven't experienced the drug, or group of drugs previously.

And even if you have substantial experience (pun intended) a difference in set, setting and dosage can have a big impact in shaping the journey in that instance. This Especially true for pychadelic-(like) substances.

Uppers

Uppers as the name suggests are substances that commonly make you more aware, awake, give you energy, and strengthen ego. Most ADHD medication also falls into this category like Methylphenidate (Ritalin), or Dexamphetamine (Vyvanse).

Most uppers can be strongly addictive though.

Empathogenes

Empathogenes are substances that strengthen your feelings of empathy, and allow you to connect and relate stronger to what other people feel, and allow you to handle your own feelings less inhibited, more clear, and decrease anxiety. Which makes MDMA, for example, great for therapy, which gets adapted by more and more countries nowadays.

Many of these work by making the body release a lot of happiness chemicals like Serotonin. Which can lead to strong hangovers the day after, especially if they're dosed too high. Imagine your "physical and mental batteries" being drained of their happinness hormones in a short period of time. They are often considered between psychedelics & uppers.

Psychedelics

Authors note: Honestly the hardest for me to describe, since they're a very special experience, and every time is different than the last. Psychedelics make you feel everything more intense and vivid. This ranges from body feel, to your thoughts. They decrease your own ego, which makes you able to deal with issues, and things weighing on your mind in a more objective way. This can also make some experiences quite difficult, because you may not be ready to accept certain things you learn about yourself. (E.g. i accepted on a very profound LSD trip that i am trans.)

Psychedelics don't cause a physical dependency, and psychological dependencies are very rare. Since these experiences are often very exhausting, making you want to take a break after consuming them. Most psychedelics like triptamines, lysergamides, and phenylethylamides cause a very strong tolerance in the body immediately after taking them.

So even taking them 2 days in a row you'll need quite a higher dosage to make them work at all, it is often said that after the third day they won't work at all though i can't confirm that since i have never tried that. It's also basically impossible to physically overdose on any of the common psychedelics, therefore there are no deaths directly related to psychadelics. (Assuming you get what you think you're consuming, which isn't a given in an illegal market.)

Psychedelic stimulants

The psychedelic stimulants are a mix of uppers, empathogenes & psychedelics. Which can give some very interesting experiences, especially eye opening ones.

They are often a bit easier to handle than the common psychedelics, but some can have some nasty, terrible, and dangerous side effects when overdosed.

Dissociatives

These are quite hard to describe as well. These substances dissociate body, mind, and feelings. They can lead to making you observe the situation like an outsider. Imagine it kind of like lucid dreams. Bodily functions can be inhibited, or even paralyzed. For example Ketamin is used as a narcotic.

One of the groups i personally have the least experience with to be honest, so i can't go really deeper in here, but they're also generally quite hard to describe, and have to be experienced.

Cannabinoids

Cannabinoids are the main psychoactive elements within the cannabis plant. (There are also synthetic cannabinoids, but we'll ignore them here.) There are hundreds of different cannabinoids in each plant making a unique feeling to whatever strain you might be consuming.

They can be generally organized into 2 groups.

Sativa

Indica

Sativa

Sativa strains are often stronger on the mind, than the body. They have kind of a psychedelic like effect, and mainly affect your way of thinking.

Indica

Indica strains refer to the classic body feel described with cannabis. The couch potato like feeling. Giving you a body high which makes you feel very comfortable, but also often not in the mood to move.

There are also many hybrid strains, and most of what you'd consuming will have effects of both.

Due to their varied nature cannabinoids are usually categorized as a mix of psychedelics & downers.

Downers

Downers are substances which usually have a regressive effect on the consciousness. Many substances here can lead to feelings of reduced inhibitions, self assurance & dreamyness. And some may lead to repressing reality. Imagine like alcohol drunkness, inhibiting certain bodily functions, reducing conscious inhibitions etc.

These often are also very addicting substances.

Below are 2 images from a german book i read many years ago, about many many different drugs & drug groups. Most of the knowledge here i also referenced from that book, since it has been hard for me to put all of this into words, and keep important points in mind.

The following image shows the different drug groups in a nice diagram for visualisation. The black bar between Upper & Downer is a strong seperator. So don't think these 2 groups are close to each other. From top left to bottom left: Upper, Empathogenes, Psychedelic stimulants, Psychedelics, Cannabinoids, Dissociatives, Downers.

Source: M3MORI3S: Erinnerungen eines Psychonauten - Nitemare (2015)

The second picture here is the same visualisation but instead of groups with different drugs. Even though it's in german, most of the substances have the same, or similar names in english.

Source: M3MORI3S: Erinnerungen eines Psychonauten - Nitemare (2015)

Thanks for listening to my Ted talk, I'll be here all week. This is one of my nerd topics, since i learned basically everything i could learn about this topic many, many years ago. And it's important to me to inform people, so they're able to consume drugs informed and safer.

Always be aware that every drug can be dangerous, and it's important to know how to consume a drug to minimize risks.

If you have any questions or just want to talk about this lovely hyperfixation of mine please feel free to reply or DM me.

Actually if you have read this far, please let me know i would love to know if anyone cares about my midnight ramblings.

Also thanks to @greenpanties for editing my infodump into something readably coherent. (Please help it's 1 am and I was not ready for Lily to do this)

[rweoutofthewoods]

hello… I read the regulus bpd fic and I’m floored, even by just the description alone. I myself am a regulus kin and even when I got the email notif I just knew it would resonate with me. the miscommunication tag, the aspect of feeling like you know the other person as if they’re your other half but that other half just doesn’t seem to understand you, and you hardly feel seen. I've never really voiced how I feel out loud before especially in regards to my FP, so to see it on AO3 tags was like you’d force me to do the ice bucket challenge against my will /j

and then reading the actual fanfic? nail on the head. I’m just wondering how you got it so accurate as from what you’ve said, you resonate with james in PPP more? and although you said this regulus is textbook bpd, he still feels alive, like you’re writing from something carnal and real, as real as PPP james. I'm astonished by your writing once again

Hi! I'm always glad to hear when people think I get it right, because obviously my own depiction may not resonate with everyone, so this means a lot!

And yes, I'm nothing like Regulus, but honestly, I've always had a pretty easy time writing him. I think it's 1. I'm pretty good at empathizing and putting myself in other people's shoes, and though that leads to less nice things like me often getting the worst secondhand embarrassment in the world, it's also very helpful in writing, because I feel like I'm able to really dig in and try to understand different characters. 2. it's nice to write someone so different and separate from myself, and it gets rid of that personal barrier that might come from trying to depict someone more like you. AND 3. when it comes to bpd, there's some things that are pretty universal across different types of people, so while there are parts of ppp James that definitely I relate to more than this regulus, those core feelings I think a lot of us share. Like explaining that consuming, painful feeling where it literally feels like your heart is trying to turn over in your chest when you're triggered? Maybe I can't relate to Regulus as his personality, but yeah, shit, if those of us with BPD haven't all experienced that kind of pain so unbearable it feels physical.

And if anything, I feel much clearer and better able to express what BPD is actually like NOW than when I wrote ppp. Honestly, it was probably discernable in some of my depictions back then that I was not comfortable with the disorder or even sure who I WAS, which is why that fic took on a lot of those themes of James' struggle with even accepting he had an issue. While this one, Regulus is fully aware he has BPD, other people are aware of it, and it more so studies how it affects relationships and his day-to-day life.

This was a ramble of an answer, but ty for reading and I appreciate you!

[plexivie]

HIIII I LOVE YOUR POSTS😺

And i was basically wondering if you could write a fic with Denki x shy reader who takes care of him whenever he short- circuits

Anywayy take your time and have a good day!!!

Omg thank you <3 OFC I CAN!!

My last request post wasn't very good, so I really hope this one is better!

You and Denki have been together for a while now. Luckily for you, he is really outgoing which is why you two work out so well. You aren't the most sociable person. You were even surprised when Denki confessed to you.

"Y/N, I like you. I mean I really like you. More than a friend. You're just my favorite person to be around. It makes me feel happy knowing how shy you are but how easily you talk to me." You felt like the happiest person in the world.

However, dating Denki requires you to learn how to take care of him when he overuses his quirk. Usually, his short-circuiting only lasts a couple of minutes, but today it was bad.

Mr. Aizawa had class 1-A doing quirk training today. Yes they're all pretty experienced with their quirks, but what's wrong with a little more practice.

Denki hasn't been feeling confident with his quirk lately, so today he really went hard with it.

You smile as you watch Denki doing incredible moves and attacks with his quirk until her stops. You had thought he maybe got tired until you saw him suddenly stop moving and began to get hit by the play villain.

You look at Mr. Aizawa and watch him not pay attention to Denki at all so you run over to him. "Hey, hey it's okay." You slowly sit him down on the ground with you and begin to rub his thumb. "Denki it's okay I know it hurts just breathe with me." Of course, he gives the thumbs up that he's okay, but you know how badly it hurts. Mr. Aizawa then walks over. "Looks like he went harder than usual today." He says to you. "He most likely can feel close to nothing." He then picks him up, "I'll carry him to recovery girl. You should probably sit with him until he's back"

When you guys arrived at her office, she just had him lie down. You felt horrible for Denki. He has never short circuited for this long. A couple of minutes pass and he begins to breathe heavily. "Kami are you okay." He begins to catch his breath. "Yea sparks. Thank you for helping me out."

You smile at him and nod. "I saw you today. You looked very determined and almost angry." He sighs and looks at you. "Yea I- this is probably stupid of me to say." He laughs. You shake your head, "It's not stupid." "Well sparks, I haven't been feeling the best about my quirk lately. I mean look at everyone else. They're just so good... and I can barely do any damage without short circuiting. It's just embarrassing."

You hug him, "It's not embarrassing at all. You have an amazing quirk. Just because you have a strong drawback doesn't mean you don't help. Even Mr. Aizawa said you were being hard on yourself. I promise Kami you and your quirk are amazing." He smiles. "Thank you sparks. Thank you for never making fun of me when I short circuit. Sometimes everyone just laughs but... you stay by my side and help me. I really love you for that."

You smile and blush. "I really love you too."

A/n: I REALLY hope this lived up to what you wanted it to be! Also thank you for all the attention on my Pro Hero Bakugo one-shot! I want to remind you guys to follow shigarak1sbigfan on tiktok! Part 4 of the dabi x reader x hawks series may or may not be up on there. THANKS AGAIN FOR THE REQUEST MWAHH