#But Not Alcohol
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
luzura-the-princess-witch · 8 months ago
Text
Y’all ever just come up with some crazy shit to make drinking more fun?
Like I’ll have some cranberry juice and pretend it’s red wine and I’m a monarch sitting sluttily on an ornately hand carved dark oak throne drinking to sooth my worries and pondering how to get my kingdom out of debt.
I’m holding my warm mug of fresh tea with honey. In my mind I’m an ancient witch sitting inside my greenhouse, watching two frogs hop merrily together outside. I think fondly on the times when I took evening sunlit strolls with a blonde-haired maiden who stole my heart.
I’m drinking a glass of orange juice. After a 16 year journey through space I finally reached the once thought desolate planet, and found it teeming with life. But I knew the nature of mankind, to destroy. I write a false log claiming the planet exponentially uninhabitable, and am taking the knowledge to my grave. I slowly sip on the toxic neon orange poison I found deep in a cavern, waiting patiently for it to consume me. Thoughts of the life, the family I left behind for the advancement of humanity. But now I throw myself in between humanity and a possible golden age, because I know what happens after the golden age.
I drink milk and I’m a c a t and I ✨lick✨
2 notes · View notes
astronomalyy · 5 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
parenting
43K notes · View notes
robin-writes-and-such · 3 months ago
Text
Haven’t read the Book of Bill but this is what I think the general premise is based off of all the Tumblr posts about it
Tumblr media
46K notes · View notes
charlesoberonn · 7 months ago
Text
46K notes · View notes
prokopetz · 20 days ago
Text
The funny thing to me about those "the combat drugs we give to the mech pilots make you grow boobs" hornyposts is that this legitimately is a known side effect of a wide range of drugs and medications. Just about any non-trivial chemical imbalance can potentially make you grow boobs. Breast growth is a known symptom of alcoholism. Some male bodybuilders experience female-typical breast development as a side effect of steroid use. Even kidney problems can induce breast growth. The human body is evidently just itching to grow boobs!
17K notes · View notes
mostly-funnytwittertweets · 8 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
55K notes · View notes
asteroidtroglodyte · 4 months ago
Text
5 years ago, I was in Rehab.
10 years ago, I was watching my Potential and Opportunities dissolve and evaporate in an ocean of cheap gin and expensive whiskey.
But 5 years ago, I was in Rehab.
One of the exercises they had us perform was to imagine ourselves happy, 5 years in the future.
Many of us in that room had forgotten how to imagine nice things happening to them. A few snorted (well, I snorted), finding the notion that we’d even still be around in 5 years grimly humorous.
For about half of us, it was the last stop on the way down.
But I indulged the therapist. I was there, after all, because I did not want to die. So, I imagined myself, 5 years hence.
Happy.
It came to me all at once; an artistic remix on Norman Rockwell’s Freedom From Want, reframed with myself placing food at the table.
Sunday Dinner At My Place, I answered, when it came my turn to share my fantasy. I was asked what food I imagined eating.
It’s not the meal itself, I said, it’s the implications framed around it. Sunday Dinner At My Place means that I have a Place. It means that I have Family that will actually speak to me and friends who actually want to see me. It means money enough not just to feed myself but others too. It means having the time to spare to take the time preparing the meal.
A lot of nodding heads all around me. A struck chord. Many people with no Place, in that place. Nowhere that would lament their leaving.
5 years hence, as I lay down to sleep in my Home, with my Wife and my Son, surrounded by my Art and my Flowers, I reflect.
It was a long road. It was hard. We lost people. So many people. There were long days and long nights and hospital stays. Angry arguments with ghosts. I changed, in ways I never hoped for, or expected. Good ways, finally, for once. Slowly, against the backdrop of a world in chaos, I found my mind.
Sometimes, My Wife wondered aloud, what she did to deserve me. After some stumbling with my feelings, I eventually settled on an answer.
I’m a Rescue.
She gave me a Home.
And, so, I gave her a Family.
It seemed fair
This Sunday, my folks, which whom I have not had a shouting match in years, will come over for dinner. We will cook and eat together. My Friend became My Wife, and she took a piece of me and with it she made Our Son. There will be many hugs, and no violence. Good Things Happened.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t know what the future holds.
don’t give up yet, ok?
It could get good, even.
20K notes · View notes
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
as newspapers today dont tend to hire children, a modern day Tintin would run a clickbait YouTube channel, except the clickbait is 100% real every single time
he starts off as an irritating conservative pundit at 14, meets Chang then leaves the think tank paying him and launches his own independent channel and blows up shortly after. Chang helps with video editing and managing his socials and they often chat on video calls between adventures. Haddock, his foster dad, has absolutely no knowledge of his earlier videos.
25K notes · View notes
diezmil10000 · 9 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
el alcohol quita la vergüenza
30K notes · View notes
curioscurio · 6 days ago
Text
Tumblr media
9K notes · View notes
yamujiburo · 10 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Ugly
[All comics in order here]
33K notes · View notes
tiktoksthataregood-ish · 9 months ago
Text
27K notes · View notes
punkitt-is-here · 5 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
awesome drink coolstyle
19K notes · View notes
pigeonneaux · 3 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
the worst wolvie
11K notes · View notes
s0up1ta · 3 months ago
Text
"so grunkle ford how do you know bill?"
Tumblr media
"... that's not important."
Tumblr media
11K notes · View notes