#But I'm learning to celebrate those pieces not for what they are but for where they took me

[ne0nwithazero]

It's strange how I kind of went from consistently disliking my art, to like, disliking individual pieces, but when I look at my overall work I just get filled with so much joy and pride

It's not like I'm doing anything groundbreaking or utterly amazing, but I guess it's the thing of like, seeing myself as an ordinary human capable of creating things? I just see so much beauty in humanity's capacity of creating things, and I guess I had to teach myself to see that beauty in my own capabilities as well, no matter how mediocre they are

It's hard to say I like things I create because I fear people will think I'm full of myself, but I just have so much pride in my work. If I start looking too closely at my art, I start seeing all the mistakes and everything I hate about it, but if I step back and take in the bigger picture of all I've done and how far I've come? I don't know, it's a strange feeling to describe

It's best described as this sentiment of fulfilment that makes me realize that there's nothing else I'd rather be doing with my life other than creating art I love and sharing with people

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

On today‘s episode of „moments in the show that confuse me“, s5ep19 has a piece of dialogue that goes something like this

Marinette: (about how Gabe doesn’t approve of her) He thinks I‘m one of those fans who follows you around everywhere, showers you with gifts and knows all your (Adrien‘s) middle name days

Kagami: Isn‘t that what you used to do Marinette?

Marinette: Yeah but I did it out of love

This scene is so odd because it feels weirdly self-aware but at the same time it really isn‘t? To me it seems like the writers sort of admit that Marinette‘s crush was written like a celebrity crush, but then this doesn‘t go anywhere? It‘s basically just „it‘s the same as a celeb crush but it isn‘t actually🤪“

Like what kind of writing is this? I know I‘m again beimg nitpicky but hey I love hearing your thoughts on the show so do you have thoughgs on this?

I'm honored that you enjoy my rambled! And, yeah, I have a few thoughts on this one. To begin, here's the full quote for proper context:

Marinette: Oh, hey Kagami! How are you? Kagami: Hello, Marinette. I'm fine, thank you. Adrien: I'm sorry, Marinette, it's my fault. I just couldn't talk to my father. Marinette: No, don't apologize! It makes sense that you didn't make it work because that's you! I mean, not you, you but you, as in, not me. Your dad doesn't have a problem with you anymore, he's even become super cool, making you pancakes, giving you all the freedom you need. He's come such a long way and that's amazing. But he does have a problem with me. He feels worried and I would be too if I were him. He thinks I'm one of those fans who follows you everywhere, showers you with hand-knitted gifts and knows every single one of your middle name days. Kagami: Isn't that what you used to do, Marinette? Marinette: Yes... except no! I mean, yes, but I was doing it out of love and, besides, I've changed a lot. Kagami: You are correct. Marinette: Really? You think I've changed a lot? Kagami: No. Well, not that much. But you're right to want to talk to Adrien's father.

This is not a terrible piece of writing. There are pieces of media where this would be genuinely funny. I've previously talked about the fact that Marinette's crush on Adrien is written like a celebrity crush and not a crush on a real person or even a proper stalker obsession. In that post, I also discussed media that features a fan getting to date their celebrity idol:

Whenever stories do the thing where someone meets their celebrity crush and actually gets to know them, there's normally a noticeable shift in their behavior as the character mentally goes, "Oh shit, you're real now." They lose the freedom that came with this being a mere fantasy.

That is the type of story where this dialogue would be funny. A story where Marinette started out as a fan or former fan with an idealized view of Adrien, but ended up viewing him as a real person by the time they started dating. A story where her view of Adrien shifts, but the things she does to show affection don't because it's not exactly weird to want to know everything about your significant other or to want to shower them with gifts. The only concerning thing on the list Marinette gives is "following him everywhere", but she doesn't actually do that in the show, so we're going to ignore that one and focus on the actual problem here.

The problem is that Miraculous never gave Marinette a reality check. There is no point where dream Adrien vanishes to be replaced by real Adrien. The Adrien that she starts dating in season five appears to be everything that she's ever dreamed he would be. He is #boyfriendgoals where he only exists to make her happy. He never shows off his more annoying behavior (and let's be real, Chat Noir can be pretty annoying at times) or spouts any bad puns that make her roll her eyes in a mixture of annoyance and amusement. He is perfection and it's terrible. This is not how you write a solid romance. There's no learning about each others flaws or even meaningful personal growth for Marinette.

We spent four seasons watching her struggle to ask Adrien out only for the resolution to be that he asks her instead. She never has to overcome that personal hurdle. After that, her biggest struggle is being brave enough to tell her boyfriend that she loves him even though he has showered her with love and affection, proving that there is literally zero risk involved here. It's a deeply unbalanced relationship that feels totally unfair to Adrien.

To be fair, there are stories where the Marinette-can't-say-nice-things-to-Adrien plot point could work. However, they're stories where a lot of focus is given to Marinette's trauma and her journey to overcome it. Miraculous didn't do that. Marinette's trauma and Adrien's response to it are handled horribly by every metric because of course they are. This is a formula show that can't handle a plot like this with delicacy and grace.

There's also the issue that, for this plot to work, the romance needs to be way more balanced. We need to be shown why Marinette is an amazing partner for Adrien who just has an area where she's struggling. We need to want them to get past this trial and be together. As-is, it's impossible to support this relationship because there's no substance to it. They're barely even friends before they get together. I have no idea why I should want Adrien to struggle through helping Marinette or why I should want Marinette to work through her issues with Adrien. There are other fish in the sea! Now that the identities are out, she can go back to Luka who she had no issues with!

This all feels very badly written YA or New Adult drama and there's a reason that I don't read those! I don't enjoy wildly unhealthy couples whose main draw is their endless drama and baffling sexual tension. I want couples who I love but, at this point, I can't even summon mild enjoyment for the canon love square.

[respectthepetty]

Dear Petty! If you’ve been keeping up with the tea: what is your latest assessment of the Joong/Est drama? Twitter is saying that Joong is hyping the beef because both he and Est have shows airing at the same time. It seems that Est stans (… 🤨) are also claiming talent superiority. And Joong has this pinned to his Twitter timeline:

Do you have the latest dish download?

Turtles!!!! Fun fact! TMZ is known for delivering celebrity gossip; however, on the bias scale, they fall nicely in the middle because the company doesn't have a clear bias, and the news source is actually pretty reliable. The reason the source doesn't score higher in reliability is because the writers try to analyze what they see instead of solely reporting what has been seen. I offer this tidbit because in the weeks since those "JoongDunk Divorce Era" posts on Twitter and Reddit, these basic facts have emerged:

Joong DID block Est. They both unfollowed each other on Instagram and Twitter, but Joong blocked Est. I will not TMZ this up and try to analyze why he did that, but the fact is he did and the youths have verified it.

The "divorce era" JoongDunk posts came in November, but people noticed the Est and Joong drama way back in SEPTEMBER because even at the beginning of October, everyone and their mama went to the ATEEZ concert and Joong and Est did not interact even though they were both there in the same vicinity with various GMMTV people like Mint, Neo, and Arm.

Daou went on the defense about the "Est is wrecking the DaouOffroad home" and posted several times about him and Offroad being fine when people tried telling him he needed to spend more time with Offroad.

A person actually questioned Dunk (if my memory is correct) about the incident where he hung out with Pond and Est while Joong was out of town during a fan meet. I know the post exists of the actual piece of paper with the question, but I cannot find it now! (Chismosa 101, Lesson #1 - Always get the screenshots!)

Joong went on his little trip with First and Khaotung sans Dunk

Joong and Dunk have stated they had a disagreement not just once

BUT TWICE!

And Joong said only they could fix it.

JASP.ER was announced where Joong will be working with Dunk's bestie, Pond, who also was at the infamous dinner with Dunk and Est and who the people ship with Dunk

Then Est went on record and stated he has a very small circle of friends and he is currently single because it's really hard for him to talk to people

Finally, Joong made a cameo on Est's currently airing show, ThamePo, which as far as I'm aware, Joong strangely did not promote. However, I don't have a Twitter account, so I could have missed it.

So now I will put on my TMZ cap:

As much as I want the fictional and real gays to lie, I think that this is the tea — Joong and Est got beef hence why Est was blocked and they aren't interacting. Sides were picked, problems arose from the way people operated (*cough* Dunk *cough*), and instead of GMMTV learning anything from the Tay and Gun kiss, the ongoing Joss bullshit, or ANY incident prior to this, GMMTV somehow didn't go full Adele's management team and pull these boys' social media or give them social media training, so here I am as a Jaidee fan first, and a human second enjoying the hell out of The Heart Killers and praying for Dare You to Death to get filmed just in case the separation sticks and my troublesome tykes divorce before the first gay marriage actually even happens in Thailand.

So yeah . . .

That's that on that!

[4dbarbie-archive]

Welcome!

Just another student of 4dbarbie ♡ My main is @4dkellysworld where I share my own thoughts & notes of my journey

Ada if you ever see this, we miss you dearly!!

4dbarbie archive: All of her posts that have links will have fixed links in my reply posts 😊

4dbarbie's original masterlist (scroll through the tag)

4dbarbie's Google Drive

Original posts

Short notes

Answered asks (anon thanks)

Book excerpts (from Lester Levenson, Nisargadatta Maharaj, Neville Goddard, Erin Werley)

Quotes

Reblogged posts

Recommendations (see her Google Drive for reading material!)

Resources | Talk to AI 4dbarbie!

LOA posts (these were most likely deleted by 4dbarbie so I don't recommend using them as a basis for your study, I'm just keeping them up for reference)

Experience sharing (all progress is celebrated, all experience sharing is welcome for what they can teach!)

See @ndjournal for more, all further journals of this in practice will be reblogged there. That blog is also taking journal submissions of non-dualism in practice so if you have something you want to share about your understanding or applied experience, feel free to do so there! But if you have questions on concepts or anything that requires a response, please send those to ND blogs that are open for asks.

My notebook

4dbarbie remix: You're dreaming from memory

4dbarbie remix: How to realise Self

4dbarbie remix: How to let go of Vanessa

4dbarbie remix: Give up and Be Free

4dbarbie interview: All about Desires

4dbarbie highlights

My notes to anons

Post replies

Updates

Memes (hehe)

What is a 4dbarbie remix post? I compiled information from various 4dbarbie's posts and answered asks, organised and pieced them together in a way that makes sense for me to help me learn and understand her teachings better and also how to apply the knowledge practically.

[sunshine-jesse]

Ashley Graves Did Something Wrong

TCOAL plays a lot of fun games with the ways it makes you perceive events. From the title screen itself, to various pieces of official art, it primes you to accept certain narratives surrounding the game. Namely, the one that Ashley is very not good. She is, in fact, very bad! And it's pretty easy to see why- many of her actions fit neatly into the mold of an abuser. She's controlling, she tries to deflect blame, gaslights Andrew into making him take the blame for things she pushed him to do to begin with, and harasses other women to ruin his relationships with them.

It's all so easy, and makes so much sense. Case closed.

Right? Well, no. But actually yes! But actually, it's not that simple.

Y'see, as I said, the game establishes this framing from the get-go. It introduces us to our, uh, heroes and tells us in no uncertain terms that Ashley is bad and Andrew is a non-entity. It sets this framing intentionally so that many players will engage in a little quirk of human psychology called…

Confirmation bias!

I'm sure we all know what that is, right? Well, for those who don't, it's when we start with a bias towards something- or an idea of how things SHOULD be- and view every piece of evidence as confirmation that said bias is correct. The game, very blatantly, does this with Ashley's actions by priming us to see them as part of an abuse dynamic, with her as the primary abuser. And, indeed, it's not too hard to dig into Andrew's behavior and figure out that he, too, is fucked up and awful and come to the conclusion that their relationship was mutually fucked up and abusive. I did that in my last two essays, so I won't cover that ground again here. With this, it's easy to think that they bring out the worst in each other and that any relationship they have would be toxic, fucked up, dark, and every other word or phrase that describes the same idea, whether it makes them happy or not.

… But what if I told you that this, too, was an intentional misdirection?

So. Let us, for a moment, completely remove the framing that their relationship is toxic. Let us remove the framing that their relationship is abnormal or aberrant. Let's even remove the framing that either one of them is responsible for the harm of the other. I'm not arguing that any of this is not the case. Please, for the love of god, do not think that I am, if only so you can take the rest of what I have to say seriously. What I'm doing is trying to examine the two of them free of as many preconceptions as I can, using nothing but textual evidence and inference to figure out why Andrew and Ashley treat each other the way they do.

I will later examine why they MIStreat each other too, but first comes the reasons they treat each other well.

I'm going to start with Andrew, because, despite being the more complex of the two, it's actually pretty easy to figure out why he treats Ashley the way he does based on what he says. Let's go all the way back to the earliest known incident between the two in the story, where the two of them were at their most, uh, "pure," for lack of a better word: The cupcake scene.

Leyley was supposedly a problem child. She was neglected by her parents, disliked by her friends, and had nobody else but Andrew to rely on. She got nothing- absolutely nothing- from anyone else. And so, Andrew decided to celebrate her birthday, by buying her the cupcakes she wanted, by giving her what she lacked from others. By providing for her, and taking care of her. All he wanted was to make her happy, more than anything else. And, as Nina learned the hard way, at the expense of everyone else.

He doesn't lack empathy, per se. Andy just loves Leyley more than he loves anyone else by such a wide margin that his desire to provide for her overrides his fear of consequences… until those consequences threaten to separate the two of them.

That is a very Gender Roles thing to do. More on that later.

So. Ashley. Everyone's favorite disaster. Why does she treat Andrew the way she does? What does she provide for him? Well, isn't it obvious? She, too, wants to provide for him. Remember, she wanted the lemon cupcake because she thought it's what HE wanted. She also does most of the chores around the house. She prepares food, cleans the house, and does their laundry. She also provides for his non-sexual physical needs by offering him comfort whenever he needs it. It makes her feel useful. Wanted. Needed.

Ah, another very Gender Roles thing to do. See where I'm going with this?

The two neatly fit into a standard husband/wife relationship in a lot of ways. It's THE platonic ideal of such a relationship, actually! They make each other happy and provide WHAT THEY THINK the other really wants. It's really cute and perfect! As long as you ignore all the bad.

ignore all the bad …ignore all the bad… But we obviously shouldn't ignore all the bad. That would be ridiculous.

What I want to do is, instead, examine where the bad comes from, and why it's there. With the abuser/abused dynamic in mind, it's pretty easy to come to the conclusion that a mutual desire for control and power over the other is the sole determining factor. It's arguably the Central Theme of the game, and maybe a big part of what Nemlei is trying to convey. But, like, why should it end there? Why should that be where the analysis ends? There's a reason for everything.

They don't want to control each other for its own sake. They don't want to control each other solely to cover their own insecurities.

So why?

Ashley, first. She's obviously an insecure little monster, having never received the validation that she needs to really come into her own as a person. She keeps seeking it. Keeps trying to provide for Andrew. Keeps trying to make herself useful. Now, let's look at her calls towards Julia:

"DO YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME!? Just because you can fuck him and I can't?"

Ah, wait, hold on a minute.

"You think that's love?! Are you fucking delusional?? Cumdumpsters like you are just that."

Where does that wording come from?

"He will never love you. Not like he loves me. I am the only one. I am everything."

She doesn't need validation just for the sake of her insecurities. She needs it because she needs Andrew to be happy, and in her mind, she's the only one who can provide it. She knows him better than anyone else. She can see how happy she seems to make him, and that nobody else can do what she does. She knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she makes Andrew more comfortable than anyone. She knows how important physical affection is to him. She can feel it. She doesn't lack empathy towards his plight or feelings; she has more of it than anyone, actually!

But Andrew, crucially, never seems to provide her any validation for this, even though she knows better. That's why she's so insecure.

"But wait," you might say, "didn't he, literally, fucking kill for her?"

Yes. But he always tries to place the blame on Ashley or use her as a scapegoat, when he was the one who pulled the trigger. He never accepts even the smallest amount of responsibility. And if a man can't even take responsibility for the violence he inflicts on others, what does that say about him? What does it say about how much he actually cares? oh. more gender roles. huh.

In Ashley's mind, that validation isn't validation because he didn't do it to prove he cared about her. He did it to shut her up. And… he never says anything to the contrary. He refuses to. All his validation is depressingly, overbearingly conditional.

His words always come with a caveat. They're always said in spite of something. They lack warmth. They lack kindness. They lack affection. She is never, ever given a key to lock the door to her insecurities…

…even though Andrew obviously has that key. He just refuses to give it to her.

But why?

Society! :D

There is something so fundamentally, obviously wrong with the way Andrew feels towards Ashley. She is a tar soul. A pariah. So horrid that her parents don't want her, so obviously bad that even demons don't want her. And yet Andrew, in spite of everything, still wants her. He wants to take care of her, when society tells him not to bother. He wants to protect her from other men, and even from herself. It manifests as jealousy because…

He, too, thinks the only one qualified to provide for Ashley is himself, because he was the only one who ever had. Violence comes so naturally to him that he takes it for granted. He kills for her, threatens to physically assault her when he thinks she's putting herself in danger.

It's so second nature to him that he thinks it should obviously be enough. But it isn't. His violence is so second nature as to be passive. It's non-committal. And what Ashley wants is committment.

But because of how society views Ashley, and how the world would view a romantic relationship between them, he can't truly commit to her. He can't give her the validation she really needs, because everything and everyone has told him that it's wrong. That she's wrong. And all his parents ever taught him is to be afraid of how others will react to that wrongness.

hey look, a man fearing the commitment a woman wants from him! more gender stereotypes!! I wonder what this game is trying to say!!!

Maybe I'm crazy or something. Maybe I'm just looking into it too deep. But I don't really care. I don't care if this is the intended reading, and neither should you. The fact of the matter is that most of the things that define them as toxic are not their fault. Most of the reasons they mistreat each other come from without, rather than within. The only reason they can't love each other is because the world tells them not to. Because it expects them to fill certain roles, to be certain people.

But Ashley can only ever be herself.

Maybe someone who's an actual expert on this subject matter could weigh in and give a true feminist reading. But me? I'm just here to point out patterns. I'm just here to point out facts. And one of those facts is that, to the world around her, Ashley did something wrong: She was born.

The Steam reviews of this game are fucking funny, but a lot of them say one thing that couldn't be further from the truth:

"I can fix her!"

No, you can't. She's only 'broken' in the context of her environment.

But in the words of another analyst:

It's madness to expect tar to behave like water.

So cut them some slack! They might finally succeed in a world that wanted nothing more than for them to fail. It's not our right to take that away from them.

[wolfislost]

Living As Alterhuman: Passion and Convinction.

As discussed by @baumarius the following is an explanation and description of how I feel about my alter humanity.

I'll be referring to level 3 of your 3 level framework, or the “so what” of being alterhuman. How it impacts me, how much I care, whether my expression is limited by my environment.

To start, I pursued psychology aggressively. I studied it for 5 years in preparation for university. This was before I knew that the label of alterhuman existed. I was searching for the nameless thing I knew to be wrong with me. Seeking answers to why I felt so twisted and shameful inside. Why I had strange thoughts, struggled with my self worth, and could never fit in among my peers. I learned a lot from psychology, and started therapy during those 5 years.

I also learned that I was a werewolf. An alterhuman. At least partly as a result of exactly those feelings I was seeking to understand. My place in this community was a huge piece of the puzzle.

So, how do I feel about it? What does it mean to me?

Peace mostly. Acceptance. A means to love myself more completely. A way to understand and accept the parts of myself I spent a lifetime pushing away. It gives me confidence. Makes me feel at home in my skin.

It definitely changes the way I view myself in relation to human society. I've always felt a bit like an outsider, and felt the pressure to socialise more. To conform. To be liked by my peers. It bothers me less now, knowing that I have a good reason to feel a little estranged. I don't exactly fit in most humans' view of the world, whether it's psychologically or behaviourally. Of course that makes friendship all the more valuable. The people, both human and not, who choose to understand or at least accept me as I am.

It can absolutely be hard at times, not being understood. Having to swallow my instincts so I can go unnoticed. Or worse, having to wrestle with my prey drive while in public. The separation that exists between me and humanity is both a blessing and a curse, to some extent. These days though I lean more towards it being a blessing.

I haven't made any drastic life decisions around my alterhumanity. Although it does have a place in my relationships, and my work life as an artist. I'm currently a member of a wildlife group, the largest one in my country, and I'm looking forward to getting involved in some of their projects. Protecting and caring for the ecosystem is part of being alterhuman for me. It's why I garden, and why I immerse myself in the woods at every opportunity. I'm not religious, so the woods are as close as I get to any holy ground.

I wouldn't describe myself as passionate about my alterhumanity. I'm invested in building a life where I can express it authentically, and I'm clearly motivated to share and talk about my experiences here. But It's not exactly coming from a place of passion. It's more a place of comfort. I feel comfortable in what I am, and want to continue to be comfortable. Hence my choice of friends and my criteria for where I want to live.

It's all very practical I suppose.

I'm predominantly interested in building habits, structures, and systems that will allow me to be myself. Access to nature, the privacy and freedom to celebrate the full moon as I choose, the ability to channel my experiences into my work, being able to vocalise and be authentic around friends, even publicly wearing stuff like pins and collars- or painting my nails. Practical ways that I can express my identity and continue to exist largely unhindered.

It’s what I'm working towards right now. After three years of pursuing this bachelor's degree, I'll pivot into making art full time. Figure out how to save for a place to live somewhere out near the trees. Carve out the time to pick back up my interest in ecology, and maybe do some activism in that area. My goals have been extremely clear cut for the last few years. After a long time being unable to envision a future for myself, I'm more than determined to see this through.

More than anything, I'll chase this dream of an integrated life. Even if I fail, I'll know it wasn't for lack of trying.

So I guess THAT'S my conviction.

The will to live, as I am.

You ask, at one point, what this would all look like in an ideal world. To tell you the truth, I'm not entirely sure. I've spent most of my time since joining the community, focusing on “realistic” methods of integration. Essentially all the things I mentioned earlier. I think my ideal world is still very possible. I don't particularly want to share the details of my alterhumanity with strangers, so public acceptance doesn't concern me.

I suppose my most far fetched desire is for an offline community of alterhumans in my area. Everything else I can attain simply by working for it, learning skills or amassing funds. But I can't spontaneously generate alterhumans nearby. I’ve only met one other, and it was by coincidence. There is a vast gulf between the digital and physical spaces. Online, information and possibilities for connection are rampant. In person, not so much. Being public about that kind of thing is too big of a risk for most. The privacy that protects us also keeps us separated.

Again though, my ideal world is largely attainable. Time in nature, channeling myself into my work, getting fangs, finding people I can express myself around, all very achievable. I think that's important to acknowledge, because a lot of us feel like a comfortable or authentic life is beyond our reach. It may not be perfect in every way. There are going to be times where human responsibilities come up unexpectedly and encroach on my freedom. But it's still a life worth pursuing.

A huge thank you to @zith-ipeth , @beastlybardou , and @dovspeaksbeast for sharing their own journeys and visions of the future. I still consider myself new to the community, but so much of it is having others to look to and learn from. Thank you all.

[thezombieprostitute]

Unwanted - Part 6

Summary: Your life is no longer yours. You've been forced into becoming a different species of human. Bought and paid for, what can you do but follow orders and obey your Alpha?

Warnings: Allusions to surgery, human trafficking, kidnapping; Angst; Depression; Suicidal thoughts. Let me know if I missed any!

A/N: Reader is described as big & tall, is female. No other descriptors used.

A/N2: This series is revived thanks to @the-slumberparty's December Daze Challenge. The prompt: Sharing New Traditions.

Word Count: ~1.7k

Part 5 -- Part 7

Series Masterlist

It's taken about a week but you tell Natasha you think you're ready to meet some other people. She promises to start with just one person, Sam, her Beta and the Community Manager. While Steve and Nat could work well with small groups, Sam could work with just about any size group and had the ability to coordinate packs and keep the community running, if not thriving. Nat's pretty sure it's part of why the three of them make for such a good pack together, they compliment each other's strengths and make up for their short comings.

"You're actually arriving at a good time," Sam tells you. "We're getting ready for our Solstice Celebration. It'll be a good way to introduce you to the community."

"Won't that be a little overwhelming?" Nat asks on your behalf.

"If she were a part of the celebration, sure." Sam turns to you, "the majority of the community will be dancing and singing in celebration of the days getting longer. But, if you're okay with it, we'll have you with the kids who are still learning the steps and the words."

You nod, not bothered at all by being put with the kids. It's been forever since you've interacted with any and, even before the operation, you enjoyed taking care of them.

"With everyone's focus on the celebration, it should be easier on you," Sam continues. "You'll be meeting a lot of people, yes, but you won't have everyone's attention."

Nat nods in her understanding, "good play, Sam."

Sam winks at her and she smiles. Even if you didn't know they were mates their behavior would have given it away. They're actually very sweet together.

"Will I need to wear anything specific? Do I need to cook? What all is expected of me?" You mentally start going through your meager possessions trying to think of what might be appropriate.

"Maybe in the old days," Sam tells you. "But we've adapted to the times, and not just for the sake of those who weren't born into this life." You give him a puzzled look and he explains, "it seems like ever since humans found out people like us exist they've been trying to figure us out, experimenting on us, and the like. Nat, Steve and Bucky, who you'll meet later, were all natural born like myself but they got operated on 'for science' or other such bullshit." He squeezes Nat's hand as she snuggles against him.

"And then there are cases, like you, where some of our own, in a misguided attempt to save our species, have made others to be like us. Usually they result in betas, but you're existence is evidence that they're getting better at controlling designations."

You face drops a little as you absentmindedly start rubbing on the scars on your neck. Two mating glands forced into your neck and two scent glands forced into your wrists. All of them pumping you full of unknown hormones that caused changes that even more surgeries helped make permanent.

Your thoughts are interrupted by two pairs of arms holding you tight. "Sorry about that," Sam hurriedly apologizes. "I didn't mean to spark the bad memories. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone while giving you some answers for what to expect."

"I understand," you nod.

Nat interjects, "I'm still willing to hit him if you want me to."

That makes you laugh, and they let go of you as they continue talking about the Solstice Event.

Sure enough, your presence at the Solstice Event is met with great acclaim, but it's in bits and pieces as everyone is busy with preparations. The only person who doesn't leave you alone is a little girl named Grace. She's excited she's not the oldest person sticking around the kids.

"I'm already 11," she tells you. "If Papa had been able to bring me here sooner, maybe I'd be with the other middle-schoolers."

"Why isn't your Papa here learning as well?"

"He was accepted into the packs several years ago. It's only recently that he was able to bring me in."

"I wonder why that is," you muse.

"It's because I'm an outsider," Grace grumbles. "Papa was taken when I was little. Apparently he was like you, and they hurt him. But he ended up here! And he met Curtis, my new Dad! So now I have two parents again! But Papa says he had to fight to get me here because I'm...I'm not..." You interrupt Grace with a big hug and she seems to settle down. "Are...are you purring?" She gasps.

The realization startles you. You didn't even know you could do that! Yet you both know that's what you were doing.

"I'm...I'm sorry," you stammer. "I didn't realize I was doing it."

"That's amazing!" Grace counters. "I didn't know I could be affected by it! Dad's Alpha purrs sometimes help against nightmares but they're nothing compared to what you did!"

Heat rushes to your face. "I'm not sure what I did was appropriate, though," you whisper. "I don't want to mess up social conventions or something."

"Let's get Ms. Nat, then!" Grace runs off before you can catch her.

Taking Nat and Sam's earlier warnings into consideration you do your best to keep your emotions under control. You don't want to throw off the celebration or get more unwanted attention because you're distressed. You go through some of the breathing techniques Nat helped you learn.

"I couldn't find Nat so I brought Papa instead," Grace declares, interrupting your thoughts.

The first thing you notice about Grace's Papa is his deep blue eyes that have a tinge of wildness to them. His smile is polite, but also genuine, you see where Grace gets hers from. He's wearing a scarf around his neck, reminding you of Grace's mention of his past being similar to your own. You wonder if you could ask him where he gets his from.

He holds out his hand, "I'm Jefferson, Grace's father."

You take his hand in yours, giving him your name. "Nice to meet you." That's when his scent hits you. It's like you opened up a tea and spice cupboard, a little chaotic but very pleasant. You have to fight the urge to go for a deeper scent.

Jefferson seems to pick up on your reaction and he immediately releases your hand. He takes a moment to steady himself before coughing, "so Grace tells me your purring helped her calm down?"

"Oh, yes," you admit, embarrassment burning your cheeks. "We...neither of us knew if it was okay for me to do that or not. I don't want to disrupt things, even out of ignorance."

"It's absolutely okay," Jefferson assures. "If there's anything I've learned in the years since..." he touches his scarf before shaking his head. "If there's one thing I've learned since...joining this community, it's that taking care of each other is always allowed. You were taking care of my little girl. Thank you for that."

You breath a sigh of relief, calm taking you over. Jefferson's eyes widen a little as he takes in your scent. "I think I can tell why Grace was able to relax so much with you. You're a very...sweet person."

You smile shyly, "thank you."

"Papa, can you stay with us? You can be the one to each us the dance moves, right?"

Jefferson laughs, "I suppose in the spirit of the Solstice, of sharing new traditions, I could ask Curtis to teach you."

"Oh, even better!" Grace runs off, you assume to go find Curtis.

As soon as she's out of sight, Jefferson turns to you, his expression serious. "I had to work for a very long time to get them to find Grace and get her away from her adoptive parents. Had to beg, plead, damn near put a gun to someone's head to get her back in my life. Do be careful with her."

"Of...of course. I...I'd never...I wouldn't..." you stammer, caught off guard by his sudden change.

He smiles again, "just being careful. She's my life and you're a stranger."

"Of course," you nod.

When Grace returns she's got a giant of a man in tow. His bright blue eyes are shining with happiness as lets her lead him around. He gives Jefferson a little kiss as a greeting, his smile never wavering, until he caught your scent.

"You're the new Omega," he says, eyebrows raised. He turns to Grace, "and you're telling me she helped you where I couldn't?" Grace nods, smile wide.

He holds out his hand, "I'm Curtis. It would be an honor to teach you and Grace. I'll go ask Sarah if it would be okay for me to take over the tutorials."

"Th--thank you, Curtis." When you take his hand to introduce yourself your hit by his scent as well. It's the scent of a walking into a warm house on a cold day. Combined with Jefferson's, you feel like you're wrapped up in a warm blanket, drinking hot tea as it snows outside. It's the most comforting combination you've ever felt.

You quickly back away, head full of unwanted thoughts. "I'm...I'm not sure I should be out here."

"Are you okay? What's wrong?" Grace is quick to grab your hand and try to pull you in for a hug. "Are you sure you can't stay and learn with me?"

"Um..." you look from her to her parents, both men are looking at you with knowing expressions.

"It'll be okay," Curtis soothes, rubbing Jefferson's cheek. "We'll just make sure you've got plenty of space for fresh air, okay?"

"You sure?" Jefferson whispers to him.

Curtis nods. "We'll let her have some space as she learns. Grace can be her primary teacher."

Grace hops up and down, "yes, please!" She turns back to you. "Please?"

You smile a little, "I don't know how anyone could say 'no' to that face."

Part 5 -- Part 7

Series Masterlist

Tagging: @alicedopey; @delicatebarness; @dontbescaredtosingalong; @icefrozendeadlyqueen;

@irishhappiness; @lokislady82;

@lolitsthings @peyton-warren; @ronearoundblindly ; @startcarvingdarling; @thiquefunlover63

[tiktowafel]

personal lore dump for Shihai Kuroiro!! (where i'm probably a little mean to him but it's out of love guys i swear)

verrry late for his birthday but it's here!! :] love this kid. so many thoughts about him to share

i'll just start with the part that i find the most important - the core of his character, to me, is that he is not what he says he is and not what he desperately tries to convince himself and everyone else that he is.

i'm mostly basing this off of how ultra analysis gives him one of the two lowest wits scores in his class (as shown above) despite the fact that he calls himself "the scheming hero" and spends half his joint training match dramatically talking about trickery and psychological traps - while i like to ignore canon sometimes, this little piece of information is something i could never disregard. it's so endearing to me, plus him apparently trying really hard to seem way cooler than he actually is fits with the chuunibyou archetype he's supposed to represent.

severe headcanon territory & a generally slightly lengthy textpost under the read more lol

now, why do i hc he's that way in the first place? well, basically: his whole life he's admired underground heroes very strongly and ended up developing this very idealized mental picture of the perfect underground hero - a mysterious lonely mastermind who hides in the shadows and avoids the spotlight, quietly pulling all the strings and relying on plans and schemes instead of a powerful quirk and flashy moves. but despite all the dirty tricks they're capable of, their heart is in the right place - in fact in a way their motivations are far more noble than those of all the popular celebrity heroes, because they don't care about fame or recognition, they act out of a genuine want to do good. this is what Kuroiro aspires to be and what he bases his entire persona on, pretty much.

and that's because this is also the only kind of hero he could ever identify with - he was always an odd, withdrawn kid who had trouble making friends. he couldn't see himself in all those shiny charismatic always-in-the-spotlight heroes that everyone else seemed to love. so when he learned about underground heroes, he fell in love instantly and decided this is who he wanted to be, over time forming this perfect underground hero image to set as his goal.

except, again, a lot of traits possessed by this ideal of a hero aren't really in line with what Kuroiro himself actually is. he's nowhere this badass. he's nowhere this smart. he kinda sucks at this whole scheming thing actually! he's sneaky, sure, that's by nature of his quirk - but his schemes are way less elaborate than he likes to make them seem, most of the time they're just ways for himself to catch people off guard. he doesn't have the multi-step coordination-based planning capablity of Kendo or Tokage, the adaptability of Honenuki or the sheer sophistication of Monoma (note that almost all of 1-b's plan during joint training match 2 was invented by Kendo and Kuroiro's only strategic contribution was tricking 1-a into thinking he was gonna target Tokoyami so he could ambush Aoyama instead - which is something yeah but still nothing particularly complicated). and he hates that about himself, because intelligence is something that he values and admires so so much - so he exaggerates his strategic prowess a lot, with his hero title and dramatic speeches and all, and does everything in his power not to be perceived as stupid (often failing miserably). it's out of insecurity.

he's also not that much of a lone wolf, either. he does have a strong tendency to isolate himself from others, which is partially because he's convinced himself that he's destined to walk a lonely path in life & content with it (what's a better way of coping with your childhood loneliness than romanticizing it) and partially because the fact that he's constantly putting up a facade does by itself kinda prevent him from forming proper relationships, BUT he's not really happy this way. he's introverted but ultimately not meant to be alone. he does need friends! and he does wish for a romantic relationship, too! but, of course, he sucks at managing those feelings, as we can judge by his interactions with Kinoko and his general incapability of normally talking to girls mentioned in ultra analysis.

i actually really like that he has a crush on Kinoko specifically because it plays really well into everything that i said earlier in this post! remember that something he admires a lot about underground heroes is that they don't care about fame and recognition, and therefore in his view have the most genuine motivations? i like to believe that odd as it is, he actually has a very strong moral compass and greatly values selflessness. so, imagine how he feels when he learns that Kinoko, whom he already has a crush on because she's cute and she's nice to him and she has a really cool quirk (something something mushrooms like darkness so they must be meant to be), wants to be an idol hero. bro's devastated. those people are the epitome of modern hero society's shallowness and superficiality, and she wants to be one! she apparently wants to spend her precious time doing silly little dance routines and shaking people's hands at conventions instead of dedicating it all to proper hero work! and Kuroiro still has a crush on her! that witch...!

and you see, Kinoko isn't actually a shallow person. what motivates her to become and idol hero isn't selfishness (refer to my old Kinoko headcanon list - some things in there are a tiny bit outdated but my headcanon on why she wants to be an idol is still the same!). except Kuroiro doesn't get to know that at first so he remains bewildered and conflicted for quite some time - and i just think that's funny y'know? he eventually learns more about her (second hand, they don't directly talk to each other much, in canon i think Kinoko doesn't even pay much attention to him in general 😭) and starts to change his mind, probably falling even harder in the process - but still the whole thing is complete disaster on his side. he was always shy around her, now there's also... all this, no wonder he can't talk to her at all!!

so, to sum it up: Kuroiro is intense, he's surprisingly idealistic, he's tragically insecure, and he has some very rigid ideas about himself and the world around him that he probably needs to let go of. he's just a mess of a teenager with a lot of to figure out - and he does figure it out, he does get his happy ending eventually! (a conversation with Kinoko, among other things, is something that definitely would be a crucial part in his,, character arc, i guess? and y'know what, while i do really like them as a couple, i think them just getting to talk things out is a "happy ending" regardless of whether they end up together)

OH and by the way: i'm not saying that he's like, going against himself at all times! he's not an actual master schemer or a complete lone wolf but a lot of things about how he acts are perfectly genuine. his affinity for all things dark is genuine, his interest in taboos is genuine, and his love for theatrics is also genuine! in that matter, it's actually not a phase lol he's just like that :] would be blasphemous to say otherwise, that's what we all love him for..!

aaand this concludes my little essay about one of my favorite 1b kids!! the picture of him that i have in my head is very clear, that's why he's the first character that i chose to write this kind of post about - i'm just pretty confident about the hcs i have for him haha. i'm also thinking about writing a more lighthearted list of hcs to complete the vision (ya know, like the good ol days) because there's STILL so much that i haven't shared since it didn't fit this post - so stay tuned for that if you enjoyed this!! see you next month probably

[fashion-runways]

Your tag on one of the Moschino posts made think, who exactly IS buying those particularly outlandish clothes? Like you don’t often see their most over the top stuff on a red carpet, or at after parties/events, and that’s understandable given how difficult they would be to pull off. But someone MUST be buying them right, in order for the company to keep making a profit? Do rich people just….buy those outfits and keep them in a closet? Are they sold to charities or museums for display? I understand if you don’t know or don’t feel like answering, or if nobody really knows, just kinda curious.

well, it depends! the craziest or most detailed looks obviously aren't mass-produced or anything, more times than not there's probably only very few (maybe even one? not 100% sure) of each look, i guess it all depends on the designer but it's not like they have 500 of the same dress at hand for anyone to come get. if someone wants it for a red carpet, the designer will either fit it to the celebrity or maybe even make it all over again from scratch depending on the measurements the garment has vs the celebrity, and probably depending on a bunch of other variables that i can't even imagine. i assume level of fame, if they're lending it vs buying it, what event is being used for, maybe if the brand already has a relationship with the stylist or the celebrity. who knows.

a lot of the quirky crazy ridiculous looks are mostly made for editorial rather than events, too. so a celebrity will use it on a magazine, or an album cover, or an ad campaign. there's fashion historians and fashion collectors who will buy clothes for archiving purposes, there is museums and stuff like the met or other exhibitions that move around the world.

sometimes designers also, at least i remember learning this in fashion school, sometimes present a collection that isn't meant to be sold or worn at all? it's more like... a concept, so it's a little crazy and kooky and over the top, and then the clothes they actually sell are like toned down versions of that. im sure if someone asked to buy the crazy dress they might sell it too, but it's usually not like the point when making them.

or sometimes the way the clothes are presented and what the clothes actually are worn are two different things too. i remember a designer from here presented a collection where the models were wearing jeans as like, a top/vest kind of thing, they were held together with a belt iirc? i don't know, it was a while ago, and it was meant to catch the eye, it was shock value to make you actually look and try to figure out what was going on and really look at the clothes, but you're not supposed to buy the jeans and wear them like that, they're literally just jeans wear them as jeans lmao or like sometimes thom browne has a crazy outfit with a jacket and a vest and a button up and a skirt and pants and platform shoes and socks over the pants and another coat on top and it's insane, but you can just... buy the vest. and wear the vest alone, and that's a perfectly normal piece of clothing you can wear anywhere. or just the pants and the jacket. etc.

anyway all that to say that... i don't know but also i kind of know maybe? i don't know what each brand/designer does individually, i have no idea if moschino sells the burger skirt or if they only made one for that shoot and called it a day, but i know there are a bunch of different ways the crazy clothes can still exist out there i guess. and god knows where they are, maybe some people who work in the industry know and i don't because i live in the middle of fuck nowhere and i'm poor lmao but they might be somewhere.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

I’m so sorry if this question is ignorant or stupid I really just want to understand so I can become educated. When someone is asexual would they still gain something from reading explicit fic scenes? Again sorry if I’m ignorant

Hey Nonny *HUGS*

SO SORRY it took so long to reply to this one... Kind of started and then it got forgotten, and I am sorry for that. No better time than Ace Awareness Week to help you understand!!

So, short answer to your question, is YES, SOME aces do, whether to facilitate in self-pleasure, or because seeing their faves happy, or as placeholders because some aces take pleasure-by-proxy, or a variety of other reasons, it just simply makes some of us happy. You'd be surprised how many of those smutty authors are actually ace themselves. It's one of those funny misconceptions that aces are all woobie-uwu-innocent-pure-thoughts-only magical creatures, and I'm here to shatter that illusion... Aces are some of the smuttiest-minded people you will ever meet. Why, I have no idea, maybe it's because we don't fantasize about sex the same way allos do that we can come up with increasingly hornier ideas? LOL No idea.

The thing about asexuality is that it's a HUGE spectrum, and no one ace is exactly the same. A sex-negative ace might get something out of reading smut because it's not involving them. Or they might not at all. Same with sex-positive/neutral aces. It's ALL a matter of what makes us tick.

BUT here's where I go into my LONG answer, and get you REALLY into the Ace Lore™.

I want to introduce you to the microlabel of Aegosexuality (formerly autochorisexuality), which is a term that loosely translates to "sexuality with oneself". The expanded definition, from the Sexuality Wiki, bolding is mine:

It is [...] a disconnect between oneself and a sexual target/object of arousal; may involve sexual fantasies or arousal in response to erotica or pornography, but lacks desire to be an actual participant in the sexual activities therein.

Aegosexuals are known to:

Become aroused by sexual content (at times) without wanting to personally engage in sexual activities.

Masturbate, but feel neutral or repulsed by the idea of having sex with another person.

Fantasize about sex (with varying frequency), but envision people other than themselves, and/or view it in third person, as if watching it on TV, instead of imagining it in the first person, through their own eyes.

Predominantly—or exclusively—fantasize about fictional characters or celebrities in place of people they know personally.

Identify as asexual, feeling little-to-no sexual attraction to people though enjoy masturbating (with varying frequency), are aroused by sexually explicit content, and/or fantasizing of such.

[/end quote]

====

Basically, smut turns them on, but some aces don't want to engage in the smut for-reals. This microlabel makes it ESPECIALLY confusing for newly-figured-out-aces because there hasn't been a lot of information about asexuality's huge spectrum until recently. Aegosexuals can initially believe that they AREN'T ace, BECAUSE they get turned on by porn or smutty stories, but then they're SUPER confused because the idea of having sex themselves is appalling or undesirable. It's a bizarre contradiction, understandably, to outsiders, but it makes COMPLETE sense once an ace figures this out, I promise you.

This is the microlabel I myself fall under. It's not from any trauma or past problems or medical issues. It's just me. That's it. And because of the confusion that this sexuality can bring, it often takes us a LOT longer to have ourselves figured out. For me, it was an accidental stumbling upon the "autochorisexual" label (before it became Aegosexual) and reading up on it that EVERYTHING fell into place. Before that, I thought I was maybe demisexual. After learning about it, I felt okay FINALLY calling myself ace, that I finally found the "right fit" for me. It was the piece of the puzzle that I was missing. I felt really liberated of my self-doubt after that.

And, of course, aros have their version as well called Aegoromantic, which is exactly the same but in a romantic sense.

Here are some more resources for Aegosexuality, if you'd like to learn more about this lesser-known branch on the spectrum:

What Does It Mean to Be Aegosexual? (Cosmopolitan US || November 24, 2022)

WHAT IS AEGOSEXUAL? MEANING, HISTORY, AND USAGE. (Gayety.co ||July 11, 2022)

History of Aegosexuality (The Michigan Gayly || February 1, 2021)

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TOO KNOW ABOUT AEGOSEXUALITY (Live Love LGBTQ+ Blog || October 27, 2017)

VIDEO: 5 Signs You Might Be Aegosexual (Lynn Saga, YouTube || August 6, 2022 || 6m20s)

VIDEO: What is Aegosexuality? | Aspec 101 (Slice Of Ace, YouTube || July 15, 2022 || 3m54s)

VIDEO: Asexual Identities: Aegosexuality (Ace Dad Advice, YouTube || May 22, 2022 || 12m27s)

====

AGAIN, I'm SO sorry I put this ask off for SO long, but I'm glad that I did, so that I could educate you guys on my brand of Asexuality during Ace Awareness Week!

And, finally, no offence taken at ALL! I LOVE educating y'all about stuff I learned through my journey, and you were very respectful in your ask :)

Hope you are well, Nonny, and hope you're still here to see this 🖤💜

[nightofnyx8]

2024 Fic Writer End of Year Wrapup

No one tagged me in this, but I wanted to do it anyway. Though a harder year for me in terms of writing, I still want to celebrate everything I did accomplish.

1. How many words did you publish on AO3 in 2024? 86,650! Surprisingly, despite my severe writer's block, it's the most I've ever written in one year.

2. How many fics did you complete this year?

Oops. In all fairness, I have three ongoing longfics, and I plan to finish two of them next year! Song of the Raven might take a little longer to finish.

3. How many in progress or ongoing fics did you start this year?

I started two this year, As Time Goes By and The Color of Truth! Along with Song of the Raven, those fics should keep me pretty busy in 2025 (that is, if I don't add a cowboy AU like I've wanted to do for forever lol)

4. What was your favorite thing you wrote?

I loved writing As Time Goes By. I adore historical fiction so, so much. In fact if I ever wrote an original work, it would 100% be some historical romance, I can't get enough of it. Unfortunately that's when my writer's block started hitting really hard, as it reminded me too much of my grandfather's death this summer. The fic has become really personal, but my grief has moved to the point where I can open the document and remember his memory without that constant ache in my heart, and it is my hope to honor him by finishing the fic. @nallhir also finished the most lovely artwork for this fic as well that I'm just so excited to share.

5. What piece was your most experimental or different from your usual style?

I did a Twisters fic. I did. Without shame. And though I don't know if I'll continue it, I adored combining my love of the American Midwest with my very slight obsession with Glen Powell.

6. Did any fics surprise you - either while writing or their reception?

The reception to Song of the Raven will forever surprise me. I started that fic as a passion project, and the support and love for that fic has humbled me greatly. It's become my workshop fic, so to say, where I can really experiment with prose, characterization, and even delving into smutty writing. I've loved the journey so far.

7. Do you have a fic you wrote and loved that went under the radar? (This is your sign to reblog/repost it!)

I love my marriage in a bottle collection. Post-reveal twiyor is and always will be one of my favorite tropes.

8. Who is an artist that inspired you?

@nallhir @roucaelum-art @aerequets @ideksams and of course @smaii_i on twitter

9. Who is an author that inspired you?

@firewoodfigs, my darling friend, I've loved each and every one of your works this year, even between two fandoms! And though I don't often have the time to truly express how much I adore your fics, please know that I read and cherish every one. I've also loved reading incoming twiyor authors on twitter! @julyorr, @brefhottub, @smiledarnyou, @deluloid and my dear patty had such fun fics this year!

10. Who is a new author you discovered?

To @bloomingdarkgarden and @pinkrasberryfish -- we hardly know each other, I know, but your beautiful elriel works have made me fall in love with writing all over again. I could cradle your beautiful words in the palms of my hand. Thank you for giving Elain and Azriel such beautiful stories, and for helping me get over my own writer's block. I adore your fics so, so much.

11. Did you do any collaborations? How did it start?

@nallhir-I love you. If I could commission you for every twiyor scene I ever wrote, I would do it a hundred times over.

12. What accomplishments are you proudest of?

I think I've finally found my voice in my writing. I've spent a lot of time studying other author's prose and experimenting their styles within my own stories, but this year, I'm happy to look back at my fics and think, "yeah. that's me. And I'm proud of that."

13. What did you learn about writing or creating this year?

Writing is a process, and sometimes writing styles can change. Some stories call for more delicate prose, and some are more plot-driven. There is no shame in creating something beautiful to me (especially for free haha). If it heals my soul, then it doesn't have to be perfect.

14. Any advice you’d like to share with new or aspiring writers?

Whatever you want to write about, write it. It doesn't matter if it's the 500th college AU in the fandom. It doesn't matter if you think your prose is too flowery or too structural or blocky. It doesn't matter if you have a crazy idea that won't leave your head. Write it. Your words matter.

15. What are your creative goals for 2025?

I honestly just want to write every day, no matter how much or little. That may mean writing in my personal journal or in my poetry journal, but I spend so much time as a teacher giving of myself and absorbing other people's emotions, that I think it's good for me to spend some time giving something back to myself as well. I think I'll write an elriel fic this year...something for me :) I adore them too much.

Tagging @firewoodfigs @roseofbattles and anyone else who'd like to <3

[friendlyneighborhoodsynthezoid]

Pirate Batch- Christmas Special

(Happy Life Day! I wrote this very quickly and I'm posting it immediately. Maybe one day I'll learn how to write and revise my work.)

Omega was poked awake in the middle of the night to see Wrecker’s face looming over her, grinning maniacally. Her mind presented her with options.

“Who are we pranking?” she whispered.

Wrecker shook his head. “No one today.”

“What are we breaking?” she tried.

“Guess again!”

“Where are we going!” at last, she got an answer.

“We’re going into town!” Wrecker whisper-shouted, scooping her up out of bed with all her covers dragged up with her. He carried her out of her room, past the sleeping figures of the Marauder’s other occupants, and out onto the deck. He produced a coat, hat, and gloves from somewhere and left her to suit up. The night was chilly, after all, and while Wrecker was reckless, he knew better than to bring Omega home to Hunter with a cold.

Before she knew it, they were walking though dark street. Wrecker was vibrating with pent-up energy, but he was being unusually tight-lipped about their purpose.

“Why are we going into town?” Omega prompted eventually, when it became clear that no explanation was forthcoming. Wrecker stopped them by a market stall populated with trinkets and shinies. Omega was very familiar with the type of stall, but Hunter had a habit of gently steering her away from such items in favor of shopping for practical supplies.

She oohed and aahed at small pieces of sea glass and polished rocks while wrecker spoke to the lady running the stall. Omega picked up pieces of colorful fabric and handed them to Wrecker, who added them to their purchases without a word.

They walked away with several items, all extremely useless and very pretty. Omega decided to try again. “Are you going to tell me what we’re doing yet?” They approached a store.

Wrecker huffed a laugh and responded, “ever heard of a thing called Life Day, kid? - Grab those little candles for me, would you?” This last part was accompanied by a wave of the hand and Omega followed the gesture to a row of tiny candles off to her left.

 She scooped them off the shelf and handed them over. “No. What’s Life Day?”

“It’s a holiday on some islands. Lots of celebrating, eating food, pretty lights, all sorts of things. It’s a good time. It’s also tomorrow.” He led them out of the store.

“Tomorrow?!” Omega echoed, “why haven’t I heard of it before now?”

“It’s a bit of a tricky subject for some of the boys,” Wrecker admitted. “Not always easy to find reason to celebrate. But I figured we could try to pull something together this year, since we got you with us an’ all.”

“So, what are we doing now?” They were veering off in yet another direction, and Omega was starting to lose track of where they were in space.

“Well, we’re picking up pretty things to decorate the ship with. And now I’m buying us Life Day presents.”

Omega looked at their new destination. A market stall selling fresh fruit. She could hardly dare to hope… “What are we getting?”

Wrecker took his time and settled on selecting six whole meilooruns. One for each of them?

Omega grinned widely as Wrecker paid for the wonderful treat and led her back toward the ship. “You really got us meilooruns? Can I eat it now?”

Wrecker patted her on the head with his free hand. “Nah, kid. Remember, they’re for Life Day. We’ll eat them tomorrow.”

When they arrived back aboard the Havoc Marauder, Wrecker stashed the meilooruns who-knows-where and came back to meet Omega on the deck. They worked tirelessly, and before long, they had created a wonderful masterpiece. Then, they went to bed.

__

The next morning, Omega woke to Hunter shouting.

“Wrecker? What did you do to the mast??”

Omega smiled to herself and ran up to the commotion.

There, in the middle of the deck, was the spoils of her and Wrecker’s work. The Marauder’s mast was resplendent in shining, glittering points of color that caught the light and shone like stars. Tiny candles, suspended in spheres of glass, hung from the rigging. Omega herself had adorned the mast with colorful swatches of fabric that fluttered faintly in the sea breeze. It was magnificent.

Or so she and Wrecker firmly believed.

Hunter was… surprised to say the least.

“Aw, come on, Cap’n!” Wrecker boomed smacking Hunter playfully on the shoulder and nearly sending him flying. “It’s pretty! Me an’ the kid decided to decorate for Life Day!”

“Ah, Life Day,” Tech and Echo emerged from belowdecks as well, the former adjusting his spectacles and looking interested. “A celebration started on the island of Kashyyyk to celebrate joy and harmony. Later adopted by many others as an event of feasting and festivities.” He broke off, upon seeing the decorated mast, “Wrecker, what did you do?”

The giant groaned dramatically. “Really, guys? It’s not like I chopped the mast or anything! We just wanted to celebrate!”

Echo decided to interject, “’We,’ which means you took Omega. Off the ship. At night. Without backup.”

“She was fine, Echo, I was watching her!” Wrecker insisted.

“He was,” Omega backed him up. “I think it’s great! And we still have to give everyone presents!”

She met Wrecker’s gaze excitedly, happy in shared conspiracy, which meant she was looking in the right direction for Crosshair to suddenly appear behind him and twine long arms around his throat.

“What. Is. Happening.” The sniper hissed in Wrecker’s ear.

Echo looked alarmed, Tech untroubled, and Wrecker and Hunter amused. The big man laughed and unstuck Crosshair from his neck with all the effort of shooing a fly. “We’re celebrating Life Day, Cross! Isn’t it pretty?”

Crosshair tore his glare from Wrecker to examine the decorated mast. His lip twitched and his eyes softened for a split second.

“Hmph.” He grunted. “Did you take any of that from me?”

“No, we bought it all,” Wrecker assured him.

“…right then.,” Crosshair pointed to a colorful piece of rock with a hole through it, suspended by a piece of twine. “Can I have that?”

“Uh… sure?” Wrecker said, exchanging a glance with Omega, who nodded supportively.

The trinket had vanished by the time she looked back.

Wrecker excused himself from the general milling about and returned with his hands held awkwardly behind his back. His jerked his head at Omega, and she came over to meet him.

“Is it time?” she asked, glancing behind him at the pile of meilooruns stacked in his massive arms.

“It’s time!” Wrecker agreed, and Omega took three of the meilooruns from him so he could carry the other three more easily. His shout drew the attention of the others, who looked at the pair in surprise before noticing the fruits they carried.

“Life Day gifts for everyone!” Wrecker boomed.

The two of them distributed the meilooruns and soon the whole crew was sitting together around the mast and eating and talking happily. Even Crosshair seemed to be enjoying himself, and Echo had a strangely misty look in his eyes as he chatted to Tech and Hunter. Omega sat with Wrecker, pleased with herself and delighted to be sharing a celebration with her family. She had her new brothers to protect her, a ship to live on and a meiloorun to eat.

Sure, they were on the run from the Empire, and sure they couldn’t catch a break from constant misadventures, and sure they had resorted to selling Echo for credits once or twice, but right now, everything was okay.

They were together, they were happy, and they were okay.

[eg4mccc]

First Call, Sims 4 Infants Patch is Coming Soon!!

(graphic credit: Bonxie)

It's almost time, the Infants are Coming!! Before the patch on March 14 breaks mods and custom content in preparation for the March 16 Sims 4 Growing Together expansion pack, I thought I'd run through a few things you'll need to know about, ahead of time.

When you load up after the patch, Mods and CC are going to be disabled by EA. This is fine, we're expecting a lot of things to break, and this time, it most likely will include MCCC.

We on Deaderpool's Discord recommend taking all of your mods/cc OUT, not leaving them sitting "turned off" (disabled) in your Mods folder. There's no guarantee the game can't see them anyway, so for the cleanest test, we always say to move the files out into a folder on the Desktop. You need this "game only" benchmark to see how things are supposed to behave, or to see if what isn't working properly is a problem in the game code, itself. 

Most of the time, we would actually recommend a "mc-vanilla" test, which means to ONLY leave MCCC in your mods folder... but in the case of a Big Patch, until Deaderpool has a chance to evaluate (and hotfix) MCCC for code changes that might cause the mod to give you unexpected issues in game, "true vanilla" (mod/cc free) would be where to start testing.

By the way, if you need help getting your files organized ahead of the patch, you can find a downloadable Mods folder template here, courtesy of Shino Nox.

Without benefit of MCCC's mc_lastexception.html error file to help dig for errors, once you have your game-only test run completed, the next thing to do would be a 50/50. Make a copy of your save file, to safeguard against accidentally saving while your mods and cc are not in the game. (Don't worry, if you DO happen to save your main file this way, just come right away and ask us on Discord how to recover from it.)

One tip we've learned over the years is that you might be able to rule out entire sections of files with two basic tests: 

One test with all of your cc & no mods (except MCCC, as long as it's working properly)

One test with all of your script/game-changing mods, and none of your extra custom content. (You would need to keep all of a mod's pieces together, both ts4script and package files.)

If either test results in any kind of error, you'll need to drill down through those files with the 50/50 technique, to find what's broken.

Luth's forum posts and Scarlet's mod list are both excellent resources. You may notice I'm not linking to any specific forum post. The reason is, Luth/luthienrising starts new patch threads in the section I did link, as needed. You'll be able to spot it once she has created it.

Last month, our team on Discord celebrated our sixth anniversary of helping players.  Don't panic once the patch is live, just swing by and see us for help.  If you can't get in, because you've been banned for some reason, our appeal process is outlined here. 

Most questions you might have are probably answered in the #server-info channel. PLEASE read it, before approaching us in support. It will make everything easier, for both of us. 

Thanks for your time, and, good luck with the patch!!

[feathernotes]

Hello! My name is Krispy, and I’m the co-creator of the webcomic Ghost Junk Sickness (along with @spacerocketbunny​) It's story time!

GJS is a webcomic published by Hiveworks and features two bounty hunters with an unstable dynamic who are pushed to pursue the deadly bounty dubbed the Ghost The current iteration of GJS is about 9 years old (and wrapping up next year!) It’s been an incredible journey full of ups and downs. We’ve learned SO MUCH creating this comic, and I wanted to share some of it’s origins with you all in hopes of inspiring more folks to take chances, make mistakes, and get messy- and make that comic!

The origin of Ghost Junk Sickness came from our love for Magic Knight Rayearth and Final Fantasy 7. Vahn, the protagonist of GJS, was basically a mash up of Hikaru and Cloud from those two series. The very first version of this story has unfortunately been destroyed, and this map is the only piece I have left of that world. Character art still exists though, and it was pretty funny to see how obvious we were with our inspirations at the time.

The original attempt at the story was called Crew, and my sister Space and I worked on it in 2002-2004. We sort of got lost in our own ideas after that, and weren’t as focus on making the comic (now lost). A few years later, I decided to try my hand at it and it looked like this:

This was all done on low quality paper, whichever I could find at the time and some pencil crayons. This attempt was over 600 pages long and had a pretty random story plot, much like the first version. I could not tell you what it was about haha 😅

My second attempt (then called Divine Ace) I wanted to look more 'traditional manga' and kept with just inks and tried my darndest to tone on the computer (it never worked out). This one lasted over 400 pages, and was more allinged with my liking to edgy action anime and games at the time. It was also Trigger's first appearance!

After experimenting and eventually wanting to change- I started to work with Space again, and we collaborated in full on our first fancomic for TF2 called "Be Efficient, Be Polite." It was a good lesson on how we could coordinate our shared skill sets and plan out who did what as far as the whole process of comics go.

All of these comics (save for the very first lost version) were hosted on DA the day we got our hands on a scanner. It was our first taste on being 'webcomic creators' back in the day, and it was very fun! We didn't much care for readers, only the process of completion at the time, so a page done was always a victory worthy to be celebrated (and back then, we had more time to make pages!)

And so, as the years went by and we decided to move on from our fandom roots, Space and I went back to the Crew/Divine Ace project and redesigned and overhauled the entirety of it. (You can see the full evolution here) We wanted to re-asses what the story, comic, and characters meant to us, and how we could convey some pretty important ideas and concepts to our potential readers. From that, Ghost Junk Sickness was born, and began pre-production in 2013.

Years after, we find ourselves reflecting on how much we've learned from the process of going ahead and diving in head first. There were certainly many iterations and years it took to get where we are today, but realising that it all began that day Space and I decided to scribble some pretty mediocire comics in our homework books and papers. Because that is the beauty of comics- The many skill sets, the hats, and challenges that come along with creating them. And how much we've become better at so many things along the way. So if you read this and feel nervous about diving head first into your first comic, I'm here to re-assure you that things will feel tough, but exciting. Things will feel really hard but amazing when you're getting your story out in front of you with such an incredible medium. Webcomics will always be my favourite because of how accessible it is to any skill set. And know in your heart of hearts that there ARE people out that that LOVE to see growth, they love to see the progression of your journey. So get out there and start creating that comic that's occupied your brain for so long, and start breathing that life into your OCs and your world. The only way is up with webcomics, and the only way to start is just by creating now.

[voidcat-senket]

SW Rare Pair 2024

Fallen Order/Jedi Survivor fills*

*as determined by the use of the "Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order Series (Video Games)" tag

and love you shall find

fic | 39k | T | Bode/Cal, Bode/Tayala | Inquisitor Cal Kestis

Bode Akuna refuses to run. Eleventh Brother finds himself unable to kill Tayala Akuna.

I got a problem, think I'm into it

fic | 1.1K | T | Bode/Cal/Moran | Flirting

Moran is just minding his own business, sitting at the bar, taking in the view (heh), when Bode comes over to 'dissuade' him. It doesn't work.

Into Danger

fic | 1.9k | E | Bode/Cal | Porn without Plot

Bode and Cal hide from troopers in a storage closet and it gets horny fast

The Piece That Was Joy

fic | 20k | T | Bode/Tayala/Cal | Time Travel

Ten years after Kata lost her mother, she and Cal return to the husk of her home on Birren. While Kata meditates on her loss, Cal instead meditates on the Force Tear that dwells inside the space, with unexpected consequences. When they opens their eyes again, those ten years have fallen away.

Tanalorr is a grave

fic | 24k | M | Bode/Cal | Eldritch!Tanalorr

Which is worse? The echoes of deaths long forgotten, or the total absence of life where there should be a wealth of it? Tanalorr looks beautiful, but it’s empty: every flower and plant is little more than light and air, tricking the senses into seeing abundance where there is none. Bode survives his fight with Cal and it should be the perfect ending. Tanalorr is a paradise, a haven that glitters under the golden glow of the Abyss. But while Cal deals with the twin spears of his own guilt, and Bode’s refusal to accept the love he's offered, Tanalorr conspires to keep them apart.

The satisfaction of seeing two lovebirds get together

fic | 6k | M | Bode/Cal Moran/Cal | Fake Relationship

Moran was flirting with Cal, and Bode didn't know what to do about it.

Tangled Up

art | G | Din/Boba/Cal | Bounty Hunting

It's hard enough to catch a Jedi solo, but somehow adding another hunter to the mix just makes things more difficult.

HortiCALture

art | G | Bode/Cal | comic

A passing conversation.

Gas Money

fic | 7k | M | Din/Cal | Found Family

When stranded on a backwater world while on his quest to find a Jedi, Din Djarin takes a bounty on a treasure hunter.

Eternally Bound

fic | 6k | T | Bode/Cal | Scrapper!Cal ISB!Bode

Every day, Cal has to deal with the Empire, being stuck on Bracca, and more. And every night, Cal has to deal with the nightmares. Each one shares the same man within them. And finally, Cal sees the man from his nightmares face for the first time.

Homecoming

fic | 2K | G | Bode/Cal | Family Slice of Life

Cal, Bode, Kata and Beedee go stargazing.

Empty Husks and Hungry Halls

fic | 8K | T | Cal/Reva | Inquisitor!Cal

When Third Sister returns from a three week long mission to find that someone new has shown up on Nur, she spends her precious free time to figure out who it is. Though the answer she gets is something far worse than she could have ever imagined.

Entry Log

fic | 12k | T | Cal/Rayvis | AU: Delayed Order 66

“Entry Log One. This is Commander Cal Kestis of the 13th Battalion on the Albedo Brave led by Jedi General Jaro Tapal.” There's something to be said about learning someone's life by a holovid journal they leave behind. The button is pressed again.

Braided Melody

fic | 1K | T | Bode/Tayala | Hairbraiding

Bode braids Tayala's hair and tells her a story while doing so.

No Longer the Lost (No Longer the Same)

fic | G | 1.3K | Bode/Cal | Post Canon Fix!It

At a celebration of the fall of the Empire, Cal realizes he cannot face Bode after everything, but he doesn't want to intrude on Kata's reunion with her father. He runs, Bode follows.

Undone

fic | E | 5K | Reva/Trilla | light BDSM

Second commands. Third obeys.

[mariacallous]

This is the WIRED article I mentioned, and I'll share it in full because...girl...

It's an opinion piece, and it's WIRED, so I'm taking it with a grain of salt. But it feels so fucking naive and projected and out of step with how things are, actually?

In the late 19th century, before the invention of cinema and radio, every piece of music, performance, oration—even a natural view like a rainbow—was a unique event. Unrepeatable. Cinema and radio changed that, enforcing a massive shift in how we consumed popular culture. Several of the world’s dominant media companies were founded in that moment by men with a relentless sense of awe for the new media. It resulted in a phenomenal lack of restraint—they didn’t think they needed it. This was the future, and it was making them rich. More was obviously better.

Film and radio would eventually be combined into television—creating an even greater detachment from the performance at its core while supplanting human connection with strategic dopamine sparks. Of course people got hooked: More excitement and no effort equaled a better future. When streaming to personal devices became ubiquitous, that future merged even greater profitability with the law of diminishing returns—crushed empathy, spiked anxiety, and social inadequacy all became core to the human experience.

This has ultimately resulted in a general societal malaise, and I think 2025 will be that moment where some facets of society will begin to methodically detach from their screen-based addictions. I predict the leaders of this change will be the Gen Z digital natives for whom the simplicity of techless exchange will hold a similar novelty to its original technological advances.

Gen Z—currently between 13 to 27 years of age—are the people most deeply affected by digital addiction. After all, they were born in the wake of the invention of the internet. Their primary methods of understanding the world have been digital from the start. Actual agency—connection with other humans—has been largely unavailable for school work, coaching, and guidance. Even the informative mundanity of navigating normal life has been relegated to apps: the screen’s dominance institutionalized with all the restrictions and none of the learned experience for surviving them.

Except their instincts. It’s Gen Z’s instincts that are starting to evolve into a dominant force for change in modern society. What things cost—a massive issue for everyone—is driving much of how Gen Z views their priorities. They’re selecting user-generated content over pricey new media. They’re looking for longer meaning from experiences above the short-term gratification of materialism. In a recent US Gallup poll, more than 50 percent of the respondents indicated they don’t trust tech companies, the government, or the justice system.

Gen Z is also embracing the underconsumption-core and de-influencing trends, questioning the values awe-reverent media brought them, and heightening demands for a life-work balance that would have terrorized the generations before them. These are all positive to crucial developments for society.

So, in 2025, I believe the next step will be for Gen Z to embrace the simplicity of techless human exchange—events without the mediation of the ever-corrupting screen. It’s the shock of the new, a novelty as elemental as film in its infancy. It’s scary, sure—unpredictable—a real change in the digital life they/we are so dominated by. But it’s human and dimensional and full of stuff we can’t get online. It’s what we humans are at our messy core, and for all those reasons I believe we’ll see the virtues of screen retraction start to be celebrated, with Gen Z leading the way.