cancerfawn

[cancerfawn]

113 417

U- You’re loving and caring just like in the way that you talk to me you show me that and when you comfort me like what you said earlier when I told you I got popped by the oil and then I broke the China like you show me how much you care about me every day all day

S- ALWAYS I will always always always be here for you my love I want to always let you know I’d care for you and be there because I trust you’d do the same if I needed it and I love that so much I’ve been nurturing to people who don’t deserve it out of hopes that they will once see how I deserve it but you already do see I deserve it and you treat me like I do and I wanna nurture you in every way possible I wanna nurture a child with you I want to nurture your every insecurity and wound and fear and subconscious desires. I want to give you love in every way imaginable ways I can’t even grasp yet. I love you so much and I am here for you as long as you never stop doing the same

S- Because I love me too and I know what I deserve and I know you know that and I don’t even have to say this but I am I just love you so much and I am sorry there will be times on my side where it gets difficult for me to show it efficiently or I’ll atleast feel like I’m doing bad and you’ll have to show me more love in return and I’m sorry it’s a lot to be asked but I hope and I trust that you’ll be able to just based on everything now

S- But if you ever can’t and it ever gets difficult you better tell me just as I’d tell you because my love for you doesn’t necessitate that you have to be mine forever if you ever got tired of me or worn out you could leave and I’d understand because I love you and I’d still love you just because of what I’ve got to experience with you now

U- I will always be here for you too even through the difficult times I’ll do the absolute best I can to help you and to nurture and guide you through them and help us both grow and strengthen our relationship and bond I love you so much so so so so SO much and I don’t ever want you to doubt that

U- I don’t think I will ever feel like I can’t even if it gets difficult I want to get through it with you you’re the only person I want to be with I won’t get tired or worn out of you. I want you to tell me too though if you ever that way and I would understand too and still love you too for the same reason and I would always remember you and compare everyone else to you because you are literally the definition of perfection for me I can’t imagine any other person even coming close to you but I would understand because I want you to be happy but I really hope that never happens I have cried several times typing this message and right now as I type this sentence and I’m gonna send it now but I love you so much and I never wanna lose you and I will do everything in my power to make sure I don’t

S- I don’t think I’ll ever feel that way you haven’t been anything but a wonderful time a gift I never expected. The best thing to ever happen to me. I wanna work through everything with you too you are it for me I was in the shower thinking of you the whole time I don’t know if I cried but I know I wanted to while just thinking about how lucky I am and how much I love you and it’s just so crazy I feel this way so strongly it’s literally a gift it’s a blessing I love you so much it’s religious I love being with you

U- I cried 5 times at various points typing the message this is responding to

S- I love you so much I never ever ever wanna lose you the thought of it is world shattering you are my world

S- You are my sun!! I revolve around you I’m ur world mwahahahahaha

S- I just want my future withbyou and I’ve been planning it with you in my head

S- I don’t wanna do it without you

U- Yeah I cried at the THOUGHT of it several times

S- ME toooooooo

U- It would fuck me up for a long time if I lost you

S- Me too I would be done with relationships I wouldn’t be able to fathom it

U- Yeah I would just be constantly comparing everyone I met to you and I wouldn’t be able to do it because I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone else and be in love with you and I am in love with you and I would still be in love with you if that happened

S- exactly, I’ve never loved anyone or anything like I love you

Then I sent him a pic of my Boobas

[cancerfawn]

HALLOWEEN23 5:40am

I just got done putting on make up my on my dad for his beer, lady costume and then I wrote in my journal where I didn’t really like doing more here like I wanted to talk like speech to text here because I wanted to talk to you and that’s what I’m doing right now Well I really like my red pen my red syringe pen from spirit Halloween. It’s broken like on the thing you push down to make the make it right so I put an old pre-roll that’s like smoke down to the end to the tip. It’s pushing down it keeps down the thing you write with, so that works perfect ha ha I really hope I Read More my journal like I hope if you come the day without like I do this frequently because I really like how it makes me feel like I don’t know it just feels right like I took like a couple hits of the pin and I just feel right running and my sister‘s gonna be getting up in like four minutes I’m gonna get in the world to do what I plan on doing when I try to do every day like inhaler and brush my teeth and it says stretches and I never I’ve never done the stretches. I think I’m really going to try this time and then also a bunch of other stuff I want to do too, but I also do have to be ready by 2 PM to go with my dad to get my permit. I’m so cool if I get my permit today and the date is Halloween had to pick out a cute outfit for it that’s so cool I really like doing this. It makes me feel really organized like what I speak it out loud. I said it’s all in my head and it’s like beans bacon in the tech so I can just go back and read it so cold, I love being in love I really do life really is beautiful when you have people that care about you and love you and I wish I recognize it sooner so many times my own apathy in my own self hatred blocked me off from others, deep devotion and love, but when I’m saying this like I’m not thinking about all the bad that was happening when I was feeling that bad too like I just don’t think about it like it’s hard to really remember like I was sad for a reason things around me were a lot worse with things around me still or all that good but it makes it a lot easier to be happier I’m really bad I have a wonderful boyfriend. He’s so cool and amazing and I love being in love and I need to go through my camera in Corral starbucks I need to go to my iCloud storage on my computer and delete shit 200 going to go far as a straight videos Stretch videos I was yawning when I said that and I think I’m going to also do you want to eat first actually and then not stretch out to the thing that because I’m feeling I’m rubbing my eyes I’m I’m tired what do you spell asleep, so that’s that’s the easy thing as well. I want you to go back to sleep after I wake sunshine up but it’s like I also need to eat so I’ll just be putting stuff off until later today like I’ll be brushing my teeth and eating and taking my inhaler and I’ll just be later today or probably won’t even let me do my inhaler and I still have to brush my teeth again when I wake up so it’s all just kind of like, doing what I Gotta do like it’s just doing things I should be doing but don’t really have to but what I should be so there’s a good way to like push myself and I do this every day, but like the apparent pointlessness of it keeps pounding on my head, but like it’s not pointless at all OK it’s 544. I’m going to post listen go wake my sister up will probably walk in the kitchen person. Look at the expiration date on the milk cause I kind of want cereal OK yes queen

[cancerfawn]

1022 2:55

Permit test tomorrow haven’t studied still haha sat around hitting pen scrolling tiktok after sendinf this to jflower

I don’t wanna do college I don’t care about jobs whatsoever I just wanna be with my loved ones. I need money of course, and I want to use to to work on certain skills. That’s what I’m focused on. I want to be better at making jewelry and I wanna do more with that, I wanna learn how to sew and how to make bouquets and I wanna better my astrology and tarot knowledge. All of those could be side gigs too. If I was in real estate I could afford to do all of that faster, but if I had a normal 9-5 I could too but it’d take longer, but would take less effort. I’m not sure what I want yet, but tomorrow I try to get my permit and I’ve hardly studied. I haven’t even ate breakfast today at it’s 2:25pm😭 I’m running so behind. I need to study first and foremost. I’m glad you ask questions so I can speak about it

[cancerfawn]

1021 103

S - I love you and it’s weird and now it matters for real when I do things that don’t satisfy me

U- I love you too so much and I can’t wait for the day I can show you that in every way imaginable

S - Me neither I can’t wait to show my love for you in every little thing we do or I do with you. All the tiniest things imaginable filled with love and good intentions

S - I want our own secret communication and things only we know I want to experience unique things with you and have something unexplainable and unremarkable with you

U - We should start our own language

S - Phrases and noises with specific mea sings

S - meanings

S - And words we make up that only we know

S - like adjectives

S - and verbs

S - I wanna see them slowly and silently spread to everyone we interact with

S - I wanna see our impression on all our loved ones

U - Yes we will make everyone around us FEEL OUR LOVE

S - We are love

S - If we are together acting with love with every step we take and move we make we become it

U - That’s true we are love and we invented love

S - Nuh uh

S - Don’t sayyy that

S - I love how beautiful we are but I don’t like when there’s things that could be said that take away from others

S - Everyone invents their own love

U - You are a real ass motherfucker I love you

S - I love you MORE

U - I LOVE YOU MOST

S - You are my dream man

U - You are my dream woman that I didn’t even know I dreamt of but now I can’t imagine how anyone could be better

S - I know I’ve looked for how I love in someone else and it’s you and everything else about you how we get along and click is also dreamlike so yeah me too kinda but I did know I dreamt of loving someone that loves me like you love me

U - I haven’t really looked or anything I was kind of at the stage where I was chillin by myself before I met you but I’m so glad I met you I love you so much and you make me so happy

[cancerfawn]

Text conversation with the love of my life that I met a little over a week ago.

He’s Unabomber (u) I’m SpongeBob (s)

S- picture of a beautiful sight, trees lined up and only one is orange. “I love you”

U- I love you too and I wish we could see that view together

S - Me too! And we will. We’ll see many views together

U- We will I wanna travel and see shit with you

S - Sure I’m up for whatever with you

S- I don’t care about anything like that like traveling too much I don’t feel like I’m missing out too much when I get to fully enjoy and appreciate what I was gifted to see that’s around me

S - What are some things you wanna do before you die

U- I definitely wanna go to a Spanish speaking country at some point because I didn’t spend 6 years of my life on that shit for nothing

S - That’s so funny

S - I wanna learn Spanish

S - You can teach me too

S - Gringo spanish

S - And then we can learn the real shit together

U - That sounds delightful

S - I don’t have many like things I wanna do before I die like big things like a normal persons bucket list

S - I just really wanna make a mark and be remembered by my loved ones and have things that last longer than I do that I make and create with love and it gets kept with love and cherished with love until it isn’t snymotr and then even then it’s okay because maybe they didn’t know better? Maybe they did and just didn’t care. It’s okay because I love

S - I have a lot of skills I want to learn

U - This is real as fuck and you will

S - Sewing , braiding , I want to master jewelry making : wire wrapping, maybe silver smithing , I want to maintain good lip health , I want to experience baldness and super long hair length , I want to create holidays , I want to make a memory box thing like a I forgot a time capsule yeah. I wanna write a song. I wanna karaoke, a lot, with all my loved ones. I wanna learn instruments I wanna play the harp I wanna write a poem I wanna be involved with a community I want to support and nurture growth in others. I want to master tarot and know all the cards and I want to get into pendulum work and I want to learn all the shit about modern astrology and then sidereal and then Vedic and so on. I wanna try to write a book. I wanna draw more. I wanna get tattoos and create art for a tattoo. I wanna camp. I wanna attract and form bonds with consciousness’s I can’t comprehend, like insects, I wanna tame crows. I want a garden. I want to have a favorite everytbing. I want to be opinionated. I want

S- I want to learn how to bake. I want to make my own recipes and master my grandparents and moms. I want to create with them. I want to learn how to swim and ride a bike and I want to have a working terrarium and I want to sing songs for random people, I remember in kindergarten i was asked on a assignment to get to know us, what I’d do when someone’s sad. I said sing to them. I never did it but I always loved the idea. Whenever me and my mom were close and I got to experience softness with her she would sing me “you are my sunshine” I want to have a song like that with ones I love. I want to always remain soft and massage the callouses that form. I want to always embody and give out pure love and support. I want to host dinner parties and any kind of parties I want to discover more and more things. I could go on and on if I let myself. I want to go on and on with you one day in our bedroom planning a day. I love you and we will have that

U- I love you too and I love hearing about your dreams and desires and one day we’ll be together and I can help you fulfill those

S - I love sharing them I love imaging doing all of that with you

U - Me too I love imagining doing anything with you but especially things that make you happy and things you want to do and learn

S - I really feel the same I wanna do that for you! I want to aid you in learning and doing things that bring you joy, to give back for how happy you make me. I want to help and give joy to you in anyway I can. Especially with experiences. I think my love language is quality time. I know we’re long distance, haven’t even met yet, so we don’t get to be side by side and experience touch, but the talks like this, talks with you in general, spending time with you is how I show my love. And through words of course. But I’d rather experience more and let myself be quiet. I want to help you do whatever you need me to help you with to show you how much I want you to be happy, and what I’m willing to do to give it. I love you and I want you to feel it

U - I do feel it I feel it every second of every day and it makes me so happy I love loving you and receiving your love

S - Are there any other things you wanna do before u did

S - die

S - A bucket list

U - I can’t really think of much off the top of my head right now

U - I think I wanna go skydiving or bungee jumping at least once in my life

S - That sounds crZy I’m down

S - there’s just a lot I dream of doing I don’t so thays why I have akot

U - Well I hope we’ll be able to do as many of those things as possible together

S - I hope we do and then some wonderful ideas from you

U - We will do all of our ideas!!!

[cancerfawn]

Praying to abrahamic god is all I know but I haven’t in years. Sometiems as night I lay and thank the universe for everything. But when I say he makes me want to pray, he makes me want to pray to myself. To thank myself and to plead and beg to do everything I need to do. I have all the strength to do everything I always have and I also don’t make sense and don’t wanna continue to try to I just want to cry and find a new way to pray and to show my desperation to keep him through my efforts to just do what I should for myself that I’ve been denying so long. Always in a place of denial for myself and I still am but I feel I can just do it and I have to to keep him and I have to pray and beg myself to get myself to just be me for him and it hurts it hurts to love this much because I matter but it doesn’t hurt but it does and I just wish I made sense and was as elegant as I try to plan out to be but I’m not and this is a scream to nothing I just want him nesr to hold me I just want to cry resllt reallt haed I don’t know why but if he was here we’d figure it out in no time

[cancerfawn]

Why is it so hard to live everyday with the joy I imagine having

[cancerfawn]

Beautiful things are coming because I’m seeking them out

[cancerfawn]

1017 2:12

Abandonment wounds are extra present today maybe it’s because I was woken up with a phone call from my mom I ignored at first, to be called again. Then met with her cries and telling me she’s probably going back to jail. Haha probably not related at all 😁. I’m taking a girl poop right now I’m getting a lot better at pooping everyday. I’m glad I have a boyfriend I get to be myself and be me and do what I gotta with someone who loves me by my side. Life is good. People flirting with me doesn’t deter me because I have no issues with me there’s nothing I’m curious about anyone else havint because I know he’ll do whatever I need. I’m kinda hungry.

Daily inhaler

Brush teeth or coconut oil and while swishing :

Brush hair

Put on deodorant

Scoop cat litter

Pick up dog poop

Hang up neckslces

Spit out , brush teeth

Check on laundry get it ready to put in dryer

Wash sunshines clothes and my blanket later after

Walk dog or maybe eat before but if not before eat after for sure

Study for permit

[cancerfawn]

1116 307

Pick up trash in floor

Scoop litter

Brush teeth

Brush hair

Do a load of laundry

Empty backpack

Take a shower today

Walk dog

Study for permit

[cancerfawn]

1014 11:35am

Got boyfriend 2am he’s the sweetest ever my Angel wants to do absolutely anything for me

Bring -

Bug spray

Shrooms

Bong

Weed box

Water bottles

Medicine

Purse

Cashapp and jey purse

Charger

Cart and cart charger

Pajamas

Tarot cards cleansing crystal

Hair braiding stuff

[cancerfawn]

Do everything for the love you have for the person you’re doing it for. Clean your room because you deserve to feel the softness the dirt in your carpet is hiding… get over not wanting to play a game for your sister because she does things for you …. Walk the dog because you’re a neglectful son of a bitch

[cancerfawn]

I’m in pain and I want it to all be worth while I chase connections to make things matter for me because it doesn’t if nobody is perceiving it .

[cancerfawn]

How to stop peeling all my lip skin off

[cancerfawn]

[cancerfawn]

[cancerfawn]

I talk to myself through other people all the time