#But I'm also trying to force myself to keep stuff going cause it's my new pup's first December and her first Xmas and I want it to be happy

[i-like-turkey]

I saw your Bluesky account was no longer active. I had also noticed you hadn’t posted since thanksgiving. I hope you’re ok and Pupperoni is also doing ok. Holidays can be brutal. Please know you are valued. And you are important.

Thanks for checking in on me!

Short answer: My pup is doing great. I’m not. But I’m alive and fully intend to stay that way.

Long answer: 2024 is officially in the running for the worst year of my life. It started with two massive losses in February and then another one in early May. I dealt with my dog grief by going out and getting a puppy. She is the only reason I got through those early days cause instead of not sleeping cause I’m bawling my eyes out, I was not sleeping cause I was getting up multiple times to take her potty. And then during the day I was too busy chasing her around to feel much of anything.

But then May hit and her behavior started changing. Instead of my biggest worries being a noise complaint cause she’d bark herself to sleep in her crate, it was can I get her out of my apartment without her biting my arms down to the bone and ripping my clothes to shreds and accidentally strangling me with the strap to her treat bag?

So this last summer was fucking hell. I tweeted a bit about it, but y’all don’t know half the story. Imagine being ten minutes from your car and your dog is so scared that she’s lost her fucking mind and the only thing she can do at that moment is attack YOU. She doesn’t care about sticks or treats or sniffing grass or anything else. All she wants is to bite YOU. And now you've gotta figure out how to get her back to your car without losing a finger or having someone call animal services on you.

I was bleeding daily and sleeping maybe 3-4 hours a night even though my pup was finally sleeping through the night cause I was stressed and cause was on a mission for answers. I was constantly Googling dog training and behavior and getting tips and seeing horror stories about dogs that had to get put down because they were acting like my pup. And that thought was killing me cause I couldn’t fathom losing another dog so soon after I said goodbye to my first baby.

So I wasn’t myself this summer. I was quick to anger and couldn’t think rationally and more stressed out than I’d ever been at any point in my life, law school included. Those days are now just a blur of horribleness and I’m glad that we got my pup’s medication figured out and that we're through them.

But getting through them has brought clarity and time and the mental state to actually deal with my grief and process all of the other things that I’ve lost throughout the year. I used the analogy for grief last chapter of a semi-truck of elephants strapped to Kate’s back. That’s appropriate for me here especially in December, but Kate’s swiss cheese analogy actually fits my situation better. I’m full of holes. I’ve lost big, massive chunks of my life and they aren’t coming back and there's no replacement for them. I’m empty and I’m lonely and I need to get my shit together because I can’t keep going on like this.

And that means I need to leave fandom. I’ve tried to put on a brave face and pretend that everything is ok, but I can’t do that anymore. Opening social media is just a reminder of the past and what’s gone and what’s not coming back and how sad and lonely I am. So it’s time to go. I deactivated bluesky. I haven’t opened IG in ages. Idk what I’m gonna do about it yet. I’ll figure it out. I might delete or I just might let it be a zombie account. My twitter accounts can live on as zombies. I will keep tumblr because it predated my participation in the Kacy fandom, but I don’t think I will be around much. I need to focus my scant free hours on cultivating real life connections.

[klxudykai]

i live in my imagination

i realized this a few days ago but classic me, I avoided it. but that was until I made the "ugly side of shifting" post. so this is me coming to terms with the fact that I live in my imagination. its been like that for years but it hit way harder when i got into shifting. it was just something I did when I didn't want to be surrounded by the real world. but I realize that its become an unhealthy amount. I don't suffer from maladaptive daydreaming or anything (at least I dont think I do), but that doesn't mean its not affecting me mentally and even socially. I dont have the desire to hang out with my cr friends like that because I'm so used to my imagination. it makes me comfortable because I can made it however I wanted it to be. I can make the people say and do whatever. its part of the reason I don't really talk about my problems to people I'm close with too. they aren't going to tell me the stuff I want to hear or its going to end up being something I've heard already. i recently started saying that I like the way I do things. which is true. I like being in my own space dealing with my issues on my own because no one else would tell me what I need to hear.

and when the thought that it was becoming an unhealthy obsession hit me, I hated it. and I still do. I don't want to give up on something that has made me stable and happy for years, but I know that if I want to shift and also make a real bond with my cr, I have to. so that's why I'm making a post. this is one of those things I cant do alone or keep to myself because again, I like the way I handle things so if it was up to me, I would delete this blog and go back to daydreaming 24/7, but I actually want to shift. I'm hoping that with this post we'll hold each other accountable and remind each other to actually SHIFT instead of daydreaming all the time.

sadly I don't have a lot of ideas of how to minimize day dreaming because everything I do makes me day dream BUT we are cutting all fanfics out those only make our imaginations bigger and cause us to daydream. so DONT. start embracing your CR and do smth like go outside or paint or do a new mf hobby. avoid daydreaming as much as you can

i gave up on a lot of problem solving, but this is one I intend to actually fix. and I would love for y'all to do that with me. if you don't want to that's perfectly fine I wouldn't want anyone to feel forced, but if you know you can then do it. don't say nothing like "oh no I cant do it I give up" because that sets you back further. so please at least try

once again I love y'all so much, pls dm me if you have anything you wanna talk about and if you have anything you wanna ask my asks are open (if y'all can even see them cause on mobile its not showing up for me idk) but yea <33

(yes I double posted shhhh)

[nadianova]

How much time do you spend planning some of your visual novels? At least going by some of them being jam submissions, it feels like you go from pre-production to a finished build very quickly, and it's amazing how you can manage that while still having an awesome story and so many assets.

Also, what is like, the process of planning a story out for you, if there's any vague or concrete similarities that you've noticed?

i think the important context here is that if i get bored/have nothing to do i jhust immediately get really suicidal its like ridiculous how bad it gets(ITS FINE DONT WORRY ABOUT IT IVE HAD 5 YEARS OF THERAPY). so i hate being bored and want to occupy my time wit something fun whatever that is. if i have a project to focus on but especially if I'm working for a game jam i have a deadline and i just decide to myself okay i will release a game now.

because ive made a decent amount of games i roughly have an idea on my capabilities, i can estimate how long it takes for me to write a story so and so long and how long it takes for me to draw stuff i need and how long it takes for me to throw stuff in renpy. these are estimates like as in I'm not accurate with it but still enough that i generally know where to start cutting ideas since the most important part is just having something to submit. i also know to plan around my brain wanting to slam my head into a wall an my hands suddenly giving up on being able to draw.

i think thats the beauty of game jams it forces you to just go for it and release something. releasing a 'bad' game is better than no game at all. experience only comes over time and i think just going for it is the best approach there is. like its literally 2 weeks 1 month whatever of your life. if you have the time and motivation go for it. make it work or fuck it up it wont matter in the grand scheme of things

im not sure what is the motivation behind the question but i do want to point out that this is just my method (if you can even call it a method) and the only way to figure out what works for you is to just try until you find something that actually works for you

idk not everyone will find it doable/fun to plan around spending two weeks gamedev 10 hours a day just cause i wanted to fit in 100 cgs for a jam game but apparently i can do that when i cheat my stupid adhd brain into hyperfocus with adhd meds

READMORE BECAUSE I CANT STOP RAMBLING

as for planning tho i think ideas on their own are worthless and its always about execution in the end. a great idea or a meh idea are the same for me but i do still enjoy the planning process so i keep notes

like i see a great tumblr post or i see some art or visual novel has some scene that inspires me: i save that shit for myself

having a big collection of random floating ideas like that helps me easily pick from especially during a jam type duration. right now i have like 4-5 half-baked project skeletons, some are literally like 3 pictures and some like naomida are a hundred hours worth of me writing world building about how the toilets work in a city with no plumbing cause its -30celcius(i love bringing this up)=

i dont normally plan that much, i tend to just wing it. like for malmaid i seriously just had some rough ideas and just went along as i wrote

same thing for dddeviance i had a handful of scenes that i really wanted to make and knew what kind of start and end it was meant to have and just figured out how to fill the in between. a lot of plot points changed vastly like halfway through i realised my devil + angel combination was stupid and i should just go for fallen angel + angel.

i think there really is no simple answer tho (as evident from the long as hell post) i don't really have a 'process' because every single game has been worked on has come with different type of planning since I'm always trying new stuff to try and distract me from boredom. like I've been using obsidian for naomida while previously I've just used a empty discord serve as my notes app for malmaid and dddeviance

and tbh with naomida I'm running to a new problem where I'm definitely planning too much. like I'm spending too much time fidgeting with details in chapter 4 even when i haven't finished writing chapter 1 just cause its so easy to get in the loop of "oh ill just change this one line" and boom 20 mins spent playing with my notes that didn't really progress my game since by the time i reach this point the whole scene might have shifted to something else

.

but if i had to squeeze an answer itd be something like everything related to my art or writing or games is just like "oooooo that seems fun i should remember this for later" and then i just string 10-100 of those into a story

i tend to write my stories in a format of

character A does this and that

this happens here

puppy play ryona piss orgasm

new day and then this happens here

sad thing happens

more piss orgasm

the end

and just like start filling in more details and working on my story in a nonlinear fashion until i feel like i have a strong enough skeleton that i can start writing my scenes. i hop around a lot, often preferring to write the fun scenes first like ero stuff or the ones I'm the most interested in and then the rest is just filling the blanks and stringing the cool scenes together

[dinthoqaf]

Tell us about your guild? IC story/relations and members/roles as well as OOC information. Are they active? Recruiting?

Probably my favorite thing to talk about! Before I go on to explain anything about the guild, I do wanna say that I truly am blessed as the GM of the Sanctum. I was blessed in our first run-through up till we needed to take our hiatus, I was lucky as a GM when I opened up my Goblin Guild for a few years on @frostahesmegabite and I'm just as lucky with reopening it with a completely different crew. I've been blessed with great writers and even better people and it's only reinforced my opinion that coming back to Villian-based RP was a good idea. Now that I'm done fluffin' my folks (lol), I can answer your stuff for ya! Structure/Roles: The Sanctum of the Forbidden isn't an 'Open for everyone' type of guild. I'm picky on who we recruit, who we bring in character-wise, and how we go about things and that's for a large variety of reasons. The primary reasons are that the concepts of playing a villain tend to require an advanced understanding of story writing, and being able to work with the community you're both in and surrounded by (ie the guild and the public RP population). Structurally we go from New Bloods (New Members) to one of three groups, those being The Onslaught (Our Militant wing), The Shades (Think Rogues, Hunters, Engineers, Specialists essentially.), and Mystics (Individuals who excel at Magical Arts and/or Research). Most members never go beyond this as the next rank is the Inner Sanctum. This belongs to our Officer Core and there's 1 Officer per branch (Once we grow larger if needed, a new rank between that 3 and Inner Sanctum will be created for Sub-Officers to help officers work with their associated branches.) and then you have Dinthoqaf at the top. These roles do not dictate what events you can/can't do or anything, it's merely what your character would prefer to do work-wise, and if your character wants none of them? Then we'll go with what works best as we emphasize personal RP as much as possible over forcing a square peg into a round hole. (I should also add, we're neutral, so Alliance or Horde toons are welcome!) All in all, it's a pretty simple system. The guild operates OOC a bit more loosely however while I do make decisions on things that directly dictate the direction of the guild (final approvals like most GMs), I try to defer to the Inner Sanctum (Officers) in most other matters. Discussing issues, guild reforms on rules if needed, disciplinary actions on what's suitable, and things of that nature. When decisions are made, we go over them with everyone. At this point, we invite everyone in the guild (New Bloods too, even a brand new one.) to offer opinions and insight on the decision and to offer counters on whether they feel something is too strict and things along that nature. No one in the Sanctum is above reproach, especially myself and none of the officers are either. If they mess up, if they did something poorly, I want to know so it can be corrected and fixed. If -I- do something wrong, I cannot begin to fix anything if I don't know about it and I try to make sure all of my members know that they can discuss anything with me, even my failings, without the worry of reprisal. (And I know, it's easy to -say- that, but I try to make sure my actions speak louder than my words in this aspect whenever possible. Best example I have is just a couple weeks ago I made a small poll that offered complete anonymity on my performance and critiques on how people thought the guild was functioning and I've made it a point to adhere to that. No email collections made sure to keep reiterating no specific examples that would out someone, etc.) But I digress cause this is probably already immeasurably longer than you wanted! (Sorry! lol)

Recruiting/Recruitment? Yes, we're always recruiting as our most common method is through referrals/word of mouth. I do have a few discord ads floating around, but I don't like recruiting on the wow forums and I refuse to recruit through the wow public chat channels in-game (Trade, LFG, etc.). You will also catch us occasionally supporting WRA's in-game Guild Faire (Horde side currently till I can be bothered to make an Alliance toon to level and represent us with lol) to support server growth/rp! If you ever see any Sanctum members online and you have questions, give us a poke! Either we'll answer ya or if it's a non-officer, they'll poke/lead you to one of us for ya! :D Activity! Right now the Sanctum is going a bit slow. It's the holiday season. Most of our members have families (Kids, spouses, SO's, etc.) and hold full-time jobs and as some folks know, companies love Overtime this time of year but don't let that dissuade you. Some just have extended travel plans. We're expected to hit full speed on everything again as schedules return to normal in early to mid-January! Story Line? The Sanctum has its overall storyline, which is currently a 'holy war' between Dinthoqaf and his brother, Ammaelin, who absolutely hate one another. Dinthoqaf is making efforts to become a God (It'll never happen, promise. This story has been smoldering for 12 years now and Din will never get what he wants cause, come on.) and his brother stands directly opposed to letting it happen. Not because Din's a 'bad guy' (which he is tbf) but because his brother is just as much an asshole as Din is and believes that Din needs to be put down for the betterment of his family's history and future (That and the fact he's been wounded/humiliated by Din several times has nothing to do with it *wink wink*. Belf Paladin Pride, amirite?). The Sanctum is a core group of individuals who support and/or have belief in Din becoming what he aims to be in the desire that once he becomes this God, he'll cleanse Azeroth of its petty factional squabbles and make it a place where people such as himself and those who follow him will no longer be outcasts or shamed/hated by society simply for being who/what they are. (Essentially, he feels the Horde/Alliance are complicit in their powers and trample on people like he used to be and who he recruits and he is a power monger intent on ripping it all down.) We also have another big bad playing the bigger scene too on this war/rivalry, but, spoilers~.

People tend to join Dinthoqaf primarily because they hate the factions, because they're outcasts and need someone to help them survive, or they just don't know where to go anymore in life. Whatever the reason is, Dinthoqaf takes all willing to serve and aid his cause and becomes something of a father figure to all those who need it.

While this is our 'general' guild storyline, I keep the story relatively simple primarily because I emphasize and encourage personal storylines. Guild story is great, but you know what's more satisfying? Seeing your character -grow-. I'm a storyline whore like that. Dinthoqaf aims to become a god, yes, but I try to play him as a Support Role as often as possible. I want to help -you- build the stories you want to build, to help your character hit the next benchmark you want them to build. As much as I like to lead, I obtain my satisfaction as GM through being a tool to help you get what you need out of your RP. If you read all the way to this, you have no idea how much I appreciate you sticking it out. I have a lot to say but that's because of how proud I am of the community we've built. <3

[chaifootsteps]

College anon dropping in to say that the dubs aren't very good. Some, like the french one, sound like the text went through google translate (and the dubbing in general is terrible despite France having a good rep in the industry). The Italian version of Poison is low-key good tho

As for my reaction to Poison, imagine that gif of the happy yellow emoji looking traumatized/dead inside. I stared at the screen wondering what led me to watching this and how ANYONE would think this was a good scene. Vivziepop claiming that the leaks don't represent the full scene was right for once... It was so much worse. I could think of a more tasteful way to picture it in 5 seconds, it isn't that hard. She could have even kept most of the scene, just remove the graphic stuff to keep the suggestive dancing (a smart idea that should have remained subtle) and maybe keep the Val part à la Addict to show that, yeah, on top of "working" all night (because the graphic scenes made it obvious he stopped "enjoying" work early during the night), Val SA'd him and that shows the entirety of the hell he's going through. It explains why he breaks down and lashes out. Viv didn't need to keep most of the SA, the entire thing was implied.

Also episode 4 comes out of left field. Yes, it was foreshadowed since the beginning but why is Angel suddenly returning his calls? We SAW him ignore Val. He clearly HATES him. Since when is Husk calling him out and badgering him about being "fake"?? They've known each other for a WEEK. It's way too early for that. It's like we're missing 3-4 episodes of development in-between. Angel reconnecting with Val and showing hints that this is indeed a facade, Husk knowing a lot about everyone and giving a damn... This should be a mid-end of season arc for Angel. I'd personally make it end of season 1 so that he can show change during season 2, beginning as someone new, someone who slowly tries to show he cares and let down his bravado in small amounts, with clear hints of being a little scared of the reactions, until it naturally becomes his full-time persona. Maybe have Charlie notice at some point and subtly encourage him, DELIGHTED (in caps because that girl is extra) that Angel is getting better but having to keep her excitement in in fear of scaring him off (because Charlie should have SOME sort of emotional intelligence ffs).

Loser, Baby feels out of place. This is NOT the appropriate reaction to Angel's words. Did they rewrite the dialogue but not the song?? Here's how it sounds:

Angel: I feel like I've gotta be Val's perfect whore all the time so I'm trying to break myself enough he will be alone—

Husk: Well, it's okay to be a loser, baby! Look at me, I'm a failure too. You ain't special and it's okay!

....So Angel is a loser/failure/broken but Val is still into him??? Did they realize that this should send him the wrong message?! That Val will "love" him no matter what and that Angel cannot be free, that he's been making himself miserable for NOTHING?? First of all, Husk's greediness and addictions are NOTHING like Angel's situation. He signed with his real name. That alone implies that Val snatched him early on as he arrived. On top of that, he's being abused every way possible on the regular, for no fault of his own, and is self-destructing. He cannot kill himself and Val won't let him be killed. This is NOTHING like Husk losing a game for more power and being forced to be a bartender.

Here's how it should have gone for the song to work:

Angel: So?! The real me is a good for nothing loser who died in a ditch from some shitty coke! THIS is the famous, hotter than Hell pornstar that everyone wanna fuck! And I've— I've gotta be the part. 'Cause if I'm not... If I ain't then who am I?

Angel's fear should have been about being seen as who he was, as some loser that nobody loved. Let him feel like he beat his father, that now he's someone so suck it dad! You were wrong! Let Angel behave as if his life was a porn movie because that's all he knows now and what he thinks he should be like. Instead of trying to ruin himself so that Val discards him, have him try to be perfect... Because that'll stop the abuse, right? Val is happy when he acts like that. The perverts worship him. No one cares about Anthony.

That would make Loser, Baby work. It would achieve its goal of saying "it's okay to suck, we all do! Look at me, I'm a loser but my life isn't over!" and get Angel to accept that he's enough as he is. If you add in a few episodes beforehand to set it up, it could have worked better instead of being insensitive.

Personally I would have entirely changed the Angel/Val dynamic. Val can still be a whiny bitch but not in a drama queen way as is implied. He gets like that whenever he loses control of his favorite. Have one of the Vees groan and say something about Angel having done something as if it happened often. Make them used to Val throwing a fit because he didn't get what he wanted out of Angel or because he's having a jealousy fit. It already makes Val more controlling. It'll make the messages scene hit harder as, yeah, we can see why Angel left, the dude is unstable and obsessed. I'd be a little more fucked-up and have Angel kinda love him. Ofc in the Stockholm Syndrome way, he's been abused so much he's too attached to leave. That shift in dynamic would explain why he eventually goes back despite everything. Like in the show, he feels ignored in favor of the new resident and the way he's dismissed and talked about makes him feel like shit. He checks his phone again and ends up listening to Val's new voice messages... And this time, they're sickeningly sweet in a row. He's sorry, he's begging for him to come back. He loves him. And that's enough for Angel to go out or answer him. Put a few episodes in-between where Angel seems... Off? How weird, he's jumpy, more on his phone. He's out for parts of the episodes or clearly focused on something else. Then we get episode 4, where everyone culminates to show how bad the situation is for him. I'd personally not have Val hit him. He's smart enough to not leave bruises on his top whore. However, he's manipulative and threatening. There's no doubt that he COULD hit Angel whenever, especially with the way he cowers. Angel tries to diffuse the situation, so well that it's heartbreaking, and he gets bold. That line when he doesn't reply "Yes Val" is meant with silence as we wait for Val's reaction, waiting for him to blow up. A beat. He doesn't. He's not calm but he's not as angry. He's not going to hit him. He thanks Angel, touching him while the other flinches, a hint that he handles Angel roughly in this kind of situation, and just as Angel looks relieved, he announces that he'll have to work all night, distressing Angel again.

Ofc that would require extensive research and talk to specialists to do it well. Viv's audience can be stupid so it's more of a struggle to make it clear that none of this is Angel's fault and to not romantize this shit but it's more interesting than Val being so obviously abusive. IMHO he almost transformed into someone else in that episode and it could work but we didn't see enough of him to go "oh that's the old abuser trick! he's not as nice as he is with others when he's with his victim!". Idk how to put it sensibly but the impression he gave me was "whiny manchild who sadly was given enough power by Daddy Vox to abuse someone" instead of the intended "terrifying Overlord who is unstable and abusing his power to abuse whichever worker he fancies at the moment". I dunno Chai I just think it would work better if he were more manipulative and welding his power in other ways than by force. Like Angel isn't scared by his strength but by his influence. Also I would low-key find a way to make it so that Angel, mistakenly, thinks he can get away with some things to explain how he'd leave for the Hotel. Like having him not be a perfect victim. While he tries to cater to Val and keep him happy out of fear (and/or care because abuse fucks you up), he sometimes provokes him or tries to do his own thing. It'd show he's his own person and stuff. Sadly that would be lost on Viv's stans and it would absolutely spark some victim-shaming stuff or worse. But I think if she's gonna try to portray something like this, she could do with some nuance and not so... Cliché? Of course, it happens like this to too many people but it feels like she's applying a trope with no thought into it. The most cookie-cutter depiction she could do for quick satisfaction or to tick that case. A bit like how Stolitz is a mix of multiple tropes and is a terribly done version of that trope where a noble falls in love with someone whose class is lower with a sprinkle of badly done transactional relationship that sparks feelings. Thinking of HB, HH has better representation of abuse but not by much. I feel like if Stella was a man, she'd have written it this way? It felt like fetish fuel hiding underneath the surface whereas Stella was lazy writing.

I dunno man, I wanted to rant about Charlie and her design but episode 4 hit me like a wall of bricks

Thank you for all of this, College Anon. This was a great read, and you're right, the Italian version of Poison goes so much harder than the English.

Also Italian Val's voice is...yeah, 10/10 stars on that one. Mama mia.

[laismoura-art]

Hey!! First of all, thanks for the tag in your latest Suchin post, I really do appreciate it. ☺️

I gotta say, I'm really interested in your Seidan!Suchin headcanon! It certainly is a super unique take. I found myself having some observations and questions about her, which I would like to inflict upon you >:D (that is, if you don't mind lmao)

Keep in mind that I'm a lore nerd so I might go a little too in depth. 😭

Okay so I know your AU follows MK1 so Outworld/Edenia is pretty much the same thing. What makes me curious is how you chose to have Seido be a city inside Outworld rather than its own realm (I don't think Seido is part of Outworld in MK1 but I tend to forget a lot about the lore of this new era so you'll have to forgive me about this lmao).

Going from Seido in the OG Timeline, we know there are different types of seidan people: those who simply go by the rules, those who think the rules are too harsh but keep quiet about it and the rebels who join the Seidan Resistance. From what I get, Suchin's family would be the quiet dissatisfied people and I get their wish to run away. However, I would like to offer a slight twist.

See, we don't know if the Seidan government would go after average people who simply left Seido. They could, but it's never implied. However, they would definitely go after active resistants, because THOSE are seen as criminals. As such, families of said resistants might also be targeted, even if they are innocents. Therefore, I wonder about the possibility of a part of the Bunnag family being members of the Resistance. The Seidan Guardsmen thus deemed the entire Bunnag family as a threat and go after them, forcing the family to flee.

I also think it's neat that the Bunnags didn't seek help from Sindel given that, in the OG Timeline, Seido and Edenia have an okay but tense relationship since Seido still tries to force its order ideology upon Edenia. Sindel welcoming the Bunnag, then seen as criminals, would definitely give an excuse for Seido to attack.

As for Kenshi and Suchin, they would both be even more connected through their respective connection to criminal organizations they ultimately despise and disavow. Because, yes, the Seidan Resistance is on the surface a good idea, but they harm a lot of innocent people when trying to "free" their city/realm. It also makes me wonder about how Suchin would view Havik and Darrius in your AU and how the flooding of Seido could affect her.

Okay, it's a long ask but I'm genuinely interested. Seido is an intriguing place and the idea of including more seidan people, especially Suchin, really makes me curious. Ramble as much as you'd like lmao!!

HEY RASTA!!

Sure! I thought you'd like more Suchin content (especially cause you helped inspire that)!❤️

Really? Aww, thank you! I'm so happy this headcanon has been well received so far (I was afraid I had gone too wild with that one, lol)!

Please, do ask! I take any chance to talk about my girls! Plus, more specific questions like this really help polishing my ideas! So, thanks in advance for this ask!❤️

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

About Seido being in Outworld:

I totally made that up! We can tell by Havik's bio that Seido is its own realm:

The only thing is that I expressed myself wrong, I called it a city, but what I was actually going for is kingdom!

I dunno if that's exactly what MK1 had in mind, but in my interpretation, Outworld is a realm, and Edenia is a kingdom within it (if that's not what they meant it's how I interpreted and therefore how it works in my AU :P) with that in mind, my idea is that Edenia and Seido are neighbour kingdoms with an okay-ish relationship!

And the reason is just for simplicity sake!

See, I wanted Suchin to have a connection with Outworld and Edenia for my Umgadi Girls AU, and having Seido being in Outworld and next to Edenia and Delia made everything easier and saved me the trouble to add interdimensional trips and all that stuff!

I wish I had a deeper and more interesting reason for that, but I genuinely just took the easier route. And I'm really not that ashamed cause NRS did the exact same by having Edenia and Outworld as one place :P

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

About the Bunnags being part of the Seidan Resistance:

I LOVED the idea! Consider it included!👏🏾❤️

AND I'd love to elaborate on that!

So, imagine if the Bunnags were just as extreme as Havik! And if back in the day they had the same sort of power he does now, they would be just as much of a threat!

But as time went by and new generations started to come, the family realised they were turning out just as ruthless as the government they sworn to topple and were causing more harm than good to the people they were trying to protect.

So, the new members started to take on different tactics that would cause less harm to the general population and eventually shifted their focus on actively defending the population from the government.

Unfortunately, the other members of the Resistance started to grow unsatisfied, they felt they weren't doing as much damage to the government anymore and started to think the Bunnags had gone soft and were now disqualified to keep leading their movement.

Without the resistance's support, the Bunnags were left much more exposed and became an easier target to the government.

Ultimately, the family realised they could not keep fighting under "the end justifies the means" rule because that belief didn't make them any better than their enemies.

Fearing for themselves and the families they actively protected (and also feeling their aid to the resistance was no longer welcomed), the family finally decided to leave!

They didn't try to hide the ugly part of their story. Rather, they accepted it and vowed they would never allow themselves to fall back into that dark path again. They would atone for their ancestors' sins and be better. Seek redemption.

---

Which then leads us back to Kenshi!

Who is struggling, thinking his family has gone too far into the darkness, and there's no way of finding redemption.

But now he knows that's not true! Thanks to Suchin, who decided to trust him and share her family's history. Her family, who once found themselves in the same crossroad he's now stuck in. Her family, who's all about redemption, who's living proof that redemption, though hard to achieve, is totally possible!

So basically, the Bunnags were a big deal within the resistance! Legends even! So you bet Havik heard of them, maybe was even a fan, and aspired to be as much of a threat to the government as they once were!

---

And since we are here, let's talk about Havik!

But there's the catch! He grew up listening to stories about the great Bunnag family and their feats! But he also heard of their change of heart and of their decision to flee.

And that would be a MAJOR let down for him! They would go from heroes to disgrace in a second! He would DESPISE them!

Which means he naturally hates Suchin!

And Havik being the embodiment of everything her family sworn never be anymore, Suchin hates him just as much! She sees him as the person she could've become had her family not found their way back towards the light. Look at him is like looking at a twisted mirror for her.

And this led me to a scenario I SO want to brainstorm right now!

Please, walk with me!

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

A while ago, my friend @meme099 requested my take on Harumi as a playable character, and I made this post:

In it, I included a Tower Ending for Harumi that was basically that, as her clan serves Cetrion (Mother Nature herself), it is their duty to handle natural disasters, and as a former Umgadi, she was requested to aid Outworld with their two latest (not so) natural disasters: the death of the Living Forest and the flood in Seido.

Harumi went with her clan and Cetrion herself, and for old times' sake, she was also accompanied by Li Mei and her former classmates, which, of course, include our dear Suchin!

---

Now, keep in mind that even though the Bunnags recognise their ancestors' actions were bad, they still hate Seido and think the government sucks!

Which is why when Suchin went to Outworld to reconnect with her roots, she did not attempt to reconnect with Seido.

She became a Umgadi because she wanted to learn more about the Goddess who helped her family escape that hellish place! For her, having a place in Edenia is more than enough of a reconnection!

And she did learn more about Seido. They are the neighbour kingdom, after all. But what she learned didn't really improve her view on the place, if anything only worsened, and gave her certainty that even if she was welcomed back there (she wasn't) she wouldn't want to go!

---

Imagine if the Order of Cetrion were just called to help with the Living Forest.

With that in mind, here's a slight change to Harumi's ending:

Havik would still be their main target, as he helped cause that too.

So Suchin would be here not only as a former Umgadi but also because she her knowledge on the Seidan Resistance (though outdated) might come in hand!

Unfortunately, not in her wild dreams, she expected the Seidan Resistance to flood Seido's capital and EVERYONE within!

Cetrion and her warriors reacted quickly. Suchin requested them to start their rescuing efforts on the lower parts of the city (ahem, the poor part), where the people would be more endangered.

Suchin was disgusted by the situation. It was exactly what her ancestors tried to avoid by changing their ways.

She ended up meeting Havik, and like I said: they both HATED each other!

Havik kept on repeating how disappointed he was and how low the Bunnag house had fallen. While Suchin prided herself for not being anything like him!

I'll leave the confrontation with Havik with an open ending, but in the end, Cetrion and her warriors managed to stop the flood and evacuate as many people as they could from the capital.

Almost every member of the government was killed in the flood, and others perished by Havik's hands. But the two or three members who survived made sure to intensify their war against the Resistance and their allies and, of course, as soon as they learned of Suchin, they had her banished, her return would be punished with death💀

They also sent the Umgadi and the Order of Cetrion away rather quickly. When the warriors tried to warn them of the possible dangers they would be facing, the remaining leaders only told them to mind their own kingdoms and realms.

The warriors were certain the remaining government wouldn't last a day on their own, but there was only so much they could do.

They all left the kingdom...

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

OKAY! this turned out HUGE, but you did request for a ramble so HERE WE ARE!! :D

I hope this answers all your questions! And please, do ask more!! I love to come up with scenarios like this!!

I loved to talk more about Seidan!Suchin (and consequently about my Umgadi Girls AU) and would definitely be up to talk some more!!❤️❤️❤️

@mikka-minns @thedragonholder @moody-bloos @orbitinytheworld Girls? May I offer more Suchin content in these trying times?👀❤️

[waywardstation]

I'm a little sad to see this blog mostly shares polls nowadays... I miss the AU talk and random chatter about ideas or headcanons, your opinions on things and the wip wednesdays I'm still happy to see your art in between all those polls. (before forgetting: you might have already lost but to me Train of Thought IS and WILL BE my favorite submas AU. No contest. Nope. Never.) But yeah, missing the old days here. Dearly. Verrrry much. Don't get this wrong, you're either probably still recovering, you're insanely busy or maybe even moved on... either way wishing you have fun with wherever tracks take you! I was happy to be on this blog in it's prime.

Hey Anon! I will be honest with you on this cause I do want to explain what has happened with this blog lately, and where I plan to go with it. (It’s not going anywhere, don’t worry!!)

There are a few reasons for the inactivity. Part of it is just me recovering from university work. I pushed myself way harder than I should have for way longer than I should have, and now I’m kinda trying to just recalibrate my brain and mental health. It’s really foggy and I struggle with concentration and comprehension a lot currently. (And this is also why I haven’t really answered asks, when I tried to answer Papa Ingo AU asks while like this, it really only led to getting confused and correctional asks in response, because I kept getting things wrong, and that made things really overwhelming.)

AND SECOND! Most of my free time right now is not being spent on this blog, because most of it is going into writing and editing. Concentration and comprehension issues are making it take a lot longer than I’d like it to right now, but I have a lot of content on the way!

- four new chapters of HFBE

- three chapters of IWLYB

- a five chapter, 25k+ word fic titled Rain Check

- another fic titled Entropy Syndrome

None of these are out yet because Entropy Syndrome’s narrative covers a concept that spans across all of these other fics and chapters, and it’s adjusted a lot of content that’s making me rewrite things several times over to ensure it’s properly written in and connected ^^;

And lastly, sadly a lot of it is just irrational anxiety. I stopped posting for a while for university, and anxiety makes me irrationally scared to start again because it always makes it hard to start back at something once I’ve stopped ^^; (I’m hoping dumping all these fics will alleviate this when I’m done with them though! Fic posting is what diminished my anxiety enough to start this blog in the first place!!)

BELIEVE ME I miss how this blog used to be as well, but my mentality is still sort of recovering from what I did to it for four years straight, and I can’t really force it to keep going more right now. It’s certainly a process, but I’m recovering!

Lots of stuff is coming soon! I have a few minutes drabbles on hand, I will attempt to start posting those while I keep working on these fics.

Thank you for the ask anon!! It means a lot that you liked this blog so much. I still love it, and I’m taking care of myself as best I can so that I can get back to running this blog at full efficiency!!

Thank you again Anon!!! ^^

[your-queer-dad]

Hi Dad

This is the person who wrote about being too old recently and about a lost ask. I don’t have the previous text anymore so I’ll wri

TW: rant, suicide mentiones, depression, OCD intrusive thoughts, war, ED

So, I have been going through some stuff for the last ~10 years, having to relocated cause of war twice, various toxic situations and relationships, coming out as trans and loosing half of my friend group, so on. But I always felt like there will be a point where somehow, through magic, luck and working on it, I would get better.

But recently I’ve been feeling kinda hopeless, it seems like all any attempt at improvement does is just show me a new flavour of how being miserable. My 20s will end in a few years and I’m just a mess again. Most days it’s hard to do basic tasks and my work on top of that, some days it’s hard to even take public transport cause my brain like to tell me that I’m a predator if I look at people for more than 0.01 seconds without a “good reason”. I’ve even tried taking the easy route out, but could go through with it.

I am also overweight and have been so for most of my life. I know that this is just my body type and that some people find it beautiful, but I just cannot force myself to love it. Been going through starving myself and overeating phases but always end up in the same phase. A year and a half ago, when I cried alone on my birthday because I saw myself in the mirror and thought that noone could ever love me like that. That I am trapped forever being forgotten and unwanted and playing second fiddle to the happy endings of other people.

I have wonderful friends, a good career, I live in a beautiful and queer-friendly city. But I just don’t know how to not feel awful and dissociated and guilty and in pain all of the time. I even eat salads everyday, yes dad, you can be proud of me I no longer feed myself frozen pizzas! Tried 5+ different psych meds, went to multiple therapists and looking for one again, talked to a bunch of doctors but nothing is ever helping. Nothing is ever getting better in my head or in my heart.

Sorry if this is too dark, I just wanted to vent a but without burdening my friends with it again.

Thanks for being around, dad.

Hey kiddo! I'm really happy to hear from you again. It sounds like you've been through so much kiddo and I'm so sorry you've been through so much. But you're still here, and it sounds like you've been trying so hard. I'm so proud of you- and I'm really glad you're here.

The thing with mental health is you can have the most picture perfect life you could imagine, friends, family, career the whole shabang- and still be depressed. Sometimes mental health issues don't go away, or we struggle with them for years and years. Maybe they'll never go away. But we grow around them, our lives expand and bloom around it, and sure it's still there but as things grow the issues feel smaller and smaller. It'll be there, but you'll have other things as well.

Not every day can be a good day, but someday the good days will out weigh the bad ones. You just gotta hold on til you see them.

I'm so incredibly proud of you kiddo. You're doing so well, through so much shit- keep going and I'll always be here to listen. 🫂

- dad x

[dlamp-dictator]

Okay, finished up the main story of Wuthering Waves and slowly getting a feel for how the day-to-day grind is going to be in this game. And... I gotta' be honest here.

I'm enjoying it. A lot.

The game is fun. Very fun. It's got flaws, glaring flaws, but frankly I haven't had this much fun in a game like this since maybe DmC 5 if I had to compare it to something I'm familiar with. Ultimately, despite my love of the game I like it in spite of its massive flaws rather than because of its minor strong points, but it's a game I honestly think I'll stick with for awhile.

However, I'm not here to talk about the gameplay this time around. I wanted to talk about the story first because that's honestly the roughest part of the game. And I'll be frank, this is more a mad rambling in the sense of the younger Allen X than the current one, but I just can't get my thoughts on this game steady yet, so try not to mind the vomit I'm about to throw at you.

But first, as always, that synopsis.

Wuthering Waves is set in a futuristic post-apocalyptic world after a catastrophe called the Lament wiped out most of humanity and caused unknown beings and monsters, called Tacet Discords to appear. However, humanity soon adapted to the threat and over time rebuilt civilization. The story follows the amnesiac Rover, who has awoken from a deep slumber and sets out to explore this new world.

Let it be known that I stole this from the wiki because that's how little I care to summarize this story myself. There's... a lot to discuss. I'll be here all day if I nitpick and talk about every immediate problem I have with the game's story, so I'll try to summarize my issues with three main points. Emphasis on try, again the game's still very new and my thoughts are overall still very scattered. With that said, here are the main points:

There's no real ground for us to care about the world or its people.

The game overloads us with unfamiliar terms and makes following the story hard.

The military sycophancy is... annoying.

Alright, let's break this down as best we can.

Yeah, Let's Just Knock Out the Military Sycophancy

So, while I'd like to start with the most pressing matter first of the game's hook-less intro and lack of intrinsic motivation for Rover or the player aside from gacha rewards, this is the most controversial thing to discuss and I'd rather have it out in the open and talked about first so we aren't too distracted with my other messy points.

So, Wuthering Waves' first 3-ish Acts (especially Act 2) and honestly the whole Huanglong chapter of the main story has rather... pointed moments of focus toward military branches of Huanglong and Jinzhou. There's a lot of heavy praise for the military, how they're keeping out enemies and invaders, how they need to be supported at all cost, etc.. And on its own it's fine.

Like, really, no bullshit, I'm honestly fine with this on the surface.

A quick reminder folks, Wuthering Waves, for all it's technology and advancements, is still in a post-apocalyptic world where literal Sound Demons™ come out of the void to slaughter people with reckless abandon. This is shown the very first time you leave and enter the city of Jinzhou, as NPC soldiers are actively fighting Tacet Discord, some of which will die if you don't intervene and help them clear out mobs on your way out of the city. The training barracks is right outside the gate, there are military bases and camps in even the more remote places where you can also see more NPC soldiers fighting mobs. The lore states that only recently they've forced non-Resonators out of the army because they will legit die instantly to these things.

In this world having a strong military and being proud of it, especially when your city is the first line of defense, is something that's obviously going to come up. In the world of Wuthering Waves, a military force isn't there to potentially conquer another country and take their stuff, work as some glorified bodyguard for the nobility, or protect luxury resources of elite national interest. In Wuthering Waves, the army is thrown into the frontlines to be the wall against the Tacet Discord and likely die or be horribly injured in droves during the process. Make no mistake, despite Jinzhou elegant and peaceful appearance it is on the northern border where almost all the major Tacet Discord are formed. It is very much Chinese-Kislev with Sound Demons™ instead of Chaos Daemons. Not to mention you're traveling around with Yangyang, a member of the scouting military branch, who would obviously have strong opinions about the organization she serves, and Jianxin, who's an errant monk trying to still learn about the world and only has the words of her masters to go off of, and her masters are very pro-military.

It. Makes. Sense.

But the game sure as shit doesn't really show a lot of that in the text and dialogue. It really does come across as brown-nosing, and since the only voices against are main group are the Fractsidus it's hard to take their words at face value. It's not like the game plays up the fact that Yangyang is a military officers aside from Act 2, or that Jianxin is in actually kind of a childish musclehead that's only really good at martial arts and little else as her later Intimacy voice lines imply. The Military Sycophancy is more a product of rushed and lacking characterization than outright brown-nosing. Some minor dialogue in later acts actually question how righteous and moral some of those military leaders are in the heat of the moment, but you have to look for those voices to be heard.

But speaking of lacking characterization that brings me to my second point.

There's Not Really a Grounded Hook, is There?

To give a brief summary of the Huanglong story, the main character, Rover (yes, that seems to be the canonical name) wakes up after a vision/mysterious event of sorts while having no memories of their past or their goals. They are awoken by a friendly soldier and town guard and travels with their new companions to the city of Jinzhou after some shenanigans. The city's local leader, realizing an prophesy involving Rover is about to set off big things, attempts lure them to their side through both friendly and mysterious means. As Rover follows the trail they come to learn several parties and factions not only know about them, but have plans for them that don't require them to even know of main purpose of them being brought to the world, and those factions tease Rover with information hinting about their purpose before fleeing the scene. Through these meetings and the connections Rover makes throughout the story, they decide side with those that housed, protected, and cared for them and help save their country, unbeknown to them and several others going all according to the city leader's plan at the end of the day, even if said leader gambled a little at the end.

And while I'm skipping a lot of details here and there, namely involving the Fractsidus, Black Shores, and other parties, that sure as hell is a better summary of the plot than you'd find in the game. I kept out a lot of the terminology, but that's the basic idea. You're an unknown element, you have several people interested in you because of it, and... that's really it.

There's... nothing to truly hook you.

Look, I know using the G-word is bad form, but I'm gonna. In Genshin the story is simple: You're Aether/Lumine, some asshole god stole your sibling (or sent them back in time or something), you want to get her back and you have to solve every country's problem along the way while Dainslief just stands their menacingly. In Arknights...

...

...

Okay, honestly Wuthering Waves' story intro is about as bad as Arknights' with all the unfamiliar terminology and introducing people you don't care about until 3 more main story chapters, but you get my point.

Wuthering Waves doesn't have much to get you truly invested in the story. There's no real incentive for you to do things aside from mild curiosity and the gacha rewards. The fact that the little scavenger hunt Jinshi sends you on is super-lore heavy doesn't help either. There's a few good moments like most Jiyan confronting the phantom of his former superior, most of the stuff with Aalto and the Black Shore, Scar's occasional moments, and all of the final act, but those are few and far between with all the lore, exposition, and Yangyang's voice actor not having the greatest voice direction. You're dragged around a lot, but you don't really get to stay long enough to really care about the group. I think the only time they did was when they had you with Yangyang in Qichi Village learning about the place's backstory. That was good storytelling and world-building, as you are immediately curious about why the village was so fucked up and the implications were so... twisted. And best of all Scar was able to bring the lore explanation to a human, understandable level with his analogy of the wolf, shepherd, and sheep.

Which brings me to my last point.

So Many Goddamn Terms

The fact that they reference this in later Acts does not help, but the game has a lot of terminology in it. To summarize some of this, the world of Solaris-3 is a post-apocalyptic world based off frequencies, wavelengths, and a biiiiit of Chinese/Eastern fantasy thrown in for flavor. A lot of things revolve around that, but goddamn are there a lot of terms here. Even the official site just barely covers the basics. The Black Shores, the Fractsidus, the various nations and locations of importance. There's... a lot. A lot that isn't cover in as much depth as it should, or should just be simplified to its most important points. Part of me thinks this is because it's a Chinese game first and translating all the terms into something a Westerner can understand is just a mess in and of itself. However... this game also had quite a few years to cook as well and... it needed another year in the oven for reason aside from the glitches and lag.

Smaller Issues

Just gonna' put these in list form because I'm very tired now.

The Voice Direction: I think it's clear the voice acting isn't great, and I want to say its the director's fault. We've got a lot of decent talent here and a few people with good line reads. It just feels something is holding a lot of them back or the director isn't giving them enough context. Maybe now that the secrets out and we know who's voicing what they can actually direct things better now. Either way I'm hoping it gets better.

The Glitches and Stuttering: I'll save gameplay discussions for another posts, but for now I'll say I'm filling it minimally. It's not as bad as others, and I took some precautions to not deal with it as much, but it's still bad.

Rover's Character: So Rover actually has a lot more speaking lines than the average gacha self-insert character, almost to the point of them being their own character. However, the words coming out of their mouth are often just exposition, which only characterizes Rover as someone either intelligent or observant, which clashes with in-universe other characterizations of them being an almost mindless TD-destroying slaughter that cuts through mobs like its an addiction.

Uuuuugh... I know I said I'd say some positive things about the game, but... this has already left me a little drained. I'll talk more in detail about the positives at a later date, but for now I'm gonna' chill for a bit and maybe do a weekly boss.

I'll see you folks later.

[nocturnalghoul]

Mushy May Day 8: First Time

Had a lot of thoughts about small dick Mountain being self-conscious about being intimate with some of the others cause everyone expects the big tall earth ghoul to have a giant dick, when in reality its pretty average, and it manifested into this. Zephyr helps the poor lad work past some of that during their first time together.

Hi @forlorn-crows remember when I said a random chunk of stuff about small dick Mounty in ya DMs like a week and a half ago? It’s a mushy may now :D (also thank you once again for organizing the whole Mushy May calendar!)

I'm forcing myself to try and keep my mushy may stuff short as a challenge to myself, but I’m (hopefully) going to be making this a proper full length explicit fic later on.

words: 1200

Rating: M (most of the actual sex itself is sort of skipped over but obviously there is still a lot of discussion and reference to it so just to be safe)

Read below the cut or on AO3 here

Of course Zephyr hears the rumors around the abbey, but they also know better than to listen to the gossip the siblings spread around. They love to snicker amongst themselves about the reportedly impressive package that the new gigantic earth ghoul was packing, saying that he was so reluctant to sleep with the siblings because he didn’t want to hurt them and other rather provocative images. 

It was interesting though, the few sisters who actually had a previous intimate encounter with Mountain seemed to always politely keep their mouths shut, keeping up an attitude that it’s nobody's business. He was rather shy with the ghouls too now that they thought about it, so the siblings stupid reasons had to be incorrect. 

No, Zephyr finally realizes, the other ghoul must be self-conscious about something for a yet to be revealed reason. It wasn’t a large concern though, with the way the two ghouls kept circling around one another it was only a matter of time before they would get to find out all for themself. There truly was no rush, they have always been a rather easy going ghoul, allowing life to carry them whichever way the wind may blow. They would never want to rush the earth ghoul in general, but especially into something he obviously has some apprehension about.

Only a week after that thought, it appears that the moment has arrived. After sneaky quick little make-out sessions all throughout the day whenever they would run into each other, Mountain finally invites the air ghoul to meet up in his chambers later that night after dinner. Zephyr can’t help the way his face quirks up into a small smile, his patience having finally proved worth it. 

Zephyr knocks on the door and laughs at the small surprised squeak he hears Mountain let out before he calls for them to come in. They feel the way their eyebrows shoot up when met with the already mostly naked earth ghoul and quickly step inside, taking care to lock the door. 

“I’m not running late, was I? Or are you just that excited, darling” Zephyr teases, moving to run a comforting hand along the already flustered earth ghoul’s arm. 

“More nervous than anything, and I didn’t want to have to spend time in my head about things while taking off unnecessary layers” Mountain spits out, looking intently at the floor. 

Zephyr places one hand on the earth ghoul’s chin, pressing lightly to encourage eye contact. “Mount, if you don’t want to-”

“No!” he interupts, a flash of worry coming across his face before looking up at the ceiling and chewing his lip.

“No what, little jade. No you don’t want to continue, or no you want to proceed?” Zephyr attempts to say as gently as possible, allowing their hand to slip upward, fingers combing through Mountain’s soft hair while they wait for him to figure out his answer. 

“I really do want to do this. I have for a while, I just… I don’t want you to be disappointed is all” 

“Nothing about you could ever disappoint me, Mountain. How about we start slow since you seem so worried.”

“Y-yeah, that sounds fine. It's not really that, it’s just- I know you have probably heard what all the siblings say and it’s not really true. I get why they assume that but it puts some pressure on me to bring something I don’t have, you know? It makes the first time with somebody feel like I’m going to let them down.” 

Zephyr has to stop themselves from immediately telling the other ghoul that his concerns are silly. To them, the alleged size of the earth ghouls dick was an irrelevant factor, but clearly this was the source of insecurity that had been causing Mountain to be distant when it came to intimacy with the other ghouls. While silly to Zephyr, that was not something that would make Mountain feel better. 

“I can tell that this is something that has been worrying you, little jade.” Zephyr starts softly after a moment's consideration. “All that matters to me is being here with you. I understand your trepidation, but please be assured that the drivel the siblings love to spout about the alleged size of your dick is far from the reason for my being here.”

They watch the way Mountain lets out a long breath, finally relaxing into the soft touches Zephyr has been supplying this entire time. 

“I know that I just-... I-... thank you for saying it I guess, Zeph” Mountain manages to mutter out. He seems to be letting go of some of that apprehension, but Zephyr can see the way his fangs dig into his bottom lip anxiously. 

“How about this, you finish undressing, and then lay down and let me take care of you okay? Let me put all those fears to rest.” 

Mountain nods quickly then takes a moment to fiddle with the band of his pants before removing them and laying back on the bed as requested. Zephyr does his best not to immediately look at the earth ghouls cock but with all the fuss about it they don’t manage to hold out long. It’s a little skinny, and overall rather average sized. He understands why everyone expects the earth ghoul to be equipped with something larger, but this is almost nicer, manageable.

The air ghoul quickly joins him, grabbing Mountain’s face in their hands softly, taking a moment to stroke their thumbs over his cheeks. They begin by kissing him on the nose before letting go and slowly working their way down whispering little praises into Mountain’s skin. 

Zephyr hums contently as he watches the other’s cock begin to fill out and harden as they continue their lazy path downwards, sucking beautiful little spots of color trailing across his sternum and down his chest. They can feel the way Mountain’s muscles jump beneath the skin everywhere they go and the deep rumble reverberating through his chest with each loud moan they manage to elicit from him. 

“Zeph, please” Mountain manages to choke out, and the air ghoul decides that the poor guy's cock has gone ignored long enough. 

“So lovely” the air ghoul whispers into the hollow of Mountain’s hip before shifting his attention like Mountain so sweetly asked. 

“Look at this beautiful sprouting sapling growing just for me, little jade. So perfect” Zephyr lilts. Mountain lets out an adorably strangled noise at the words. 

“Zeph, I need-” he attempts to begin, but Zephyr watches as the words slip away as they begin to mouth at his cock. 

The two hastily allow themselves to get lost in the whole affair, the earlier plan to start slowly and focus on Mountain mutually abandoned completely as they rapidly begin to paw at each other with incessant need. 

Afterwards as the two lay side by side fully exhausted, Zephyr is left somewhat speechless. “Unholy lord below do you know how to use that thing” are the only words that manage to slip out of his racing mind, the both of them bursting into uncontrollable fits of laughter at the outburst. 

Yeah, Zephyr thinks to himself, Mountain had nothing to be worried about.

[trashcanwithsprinkles]

Wow, I'm mad at myself for being late to the favorite fic subject coming up /j

Personally, I'm a huge sucker for cya and have itysg as a second(however, if we decide to count your other fics then... itysg would be third while your smile makes me smile would be second). I think it's the amount of world building that makes it so interesting for me along with the fact that it takes place before the archon war. Like, there hardly passes a day where cya doesn't just... scoot right over into my thoughts making it kinda hard to reread cause it know it so well </3.

I am sad to say that I haven't checked out BitA yet. When I first saw it while looking for some other fic of yours to read, I didn't really like apocalypse stories much. I might check it out though cause I'm a lot more open to those kinds of stories now. I also remember starting every good intention, but I don't remember why I stopped... I think I had to get off my phone for a bit and just... forgot to continue? Idk I really should check those two...

You really get me Sprinkles- those murder mystery fics are so good! I remember reading one of genshin that was also mixed with a time loop and I just ate it up-(it was sadly discontinued and then deleted from ao3, but not before I managed to download it for future offline reading-) I'm honestly interested in those wriolette ones you mentionned, may I have a few recs if you don't mind? I need more wriolette in my life.

i do in fact have some wriolette murder mystery / cop mystery recs

A Match Made in France by oooohscar - not a murder mystery per se but it does contain mystery investigations. it's basically furina trying to matchmake neuvillette and wriothesley and she quickly discovers they work well as investigation partners? and so she starts trying to get them to investigate things together, but then shit gets out of hand. it's so fucking good and so fucking funny. like it's pre-reveal furina but i can forgive the mild ooc and- y'know, furina portrayal pre-trauma-reveal (?) just because it's so well written and hilarious (and also she's not portrayed entirely as a brat, i find her more absurdly histrionic than anything). also it's not just furina pov, it switches between all of them. it's incomplete but updating, and absolutely worth a read

The Gambler's Debt by Marsrevale - much more serious than the one above, this one is a murder mystery through and through. the mystery is still only starting, so it probably has a long way to go, but i'm patient so i'll keep up. it's basically neuvillette and clorinde going to investigate a series of murders in the fortress of meropide (this is a sort of modern au so meropide is a gambling house / hotel i think) and wriothesley is the main suspect, but there's also stuff going on between neuvillette and wriothesley bc they knew each other long ago but only wriothesley recognizes him. idk how else to describe it, it's really intriguing so far, i hope the mystery pans out nicely

Hold my hand, never let me go by Jinnmi - also a proper murder mystery, this one is about what is essentially a branch of fontaine's police force for criminal investigation led by wriothesley and the many interconected cases they have to solve. neuvillette is sent as a consultant to keep an eye on them, but ends up basically joining the team as they all try to solve a big case that seems to threaten the country whole and is also somehow connected to wriothesley's past. this one is very good, the murders might be a bit too gruesome for sensitive people? but still, really nice. i love the unsettling vibe of whatever the one behind this all is planning, the suspense is also really good. still updating and i rush to it every time a new chapter comes out, it had me in a chokehold when i first found it.

hope those sound interesting!

[glittery-phantom]

Rather I eat or not my body ends up punishing me because if I b1ng3 I'm anxious, miserable, nauseous, and deppresed, but if I f@st I'm tired, hungry, and irritable, I remember that once I was m@lnøur1sh3d for 5 days and I kept passing out I couldn't get out of bed sometimes I'd wake up for a bit and immediately fall back asleep because my body didn't have the energy to stay awake and I'd have to fight myself just to go use the bathroom or hydrate and it was AGONIZING

No matter what I choose I'm basically shooting myself in the foot I'm trying my best but my best isn't enough I know I KNOW I've done it before successfully I was m@lnøur1sh3d for a week and a few days and I lost 35 pounds I'm terrified of getting back then later I was m@lnøur1sh3d for 5 days I was counting my calories, f@sting, restricting, but shit got tough somehow and I fucked up and ever since I've been desperately trying to get back on track I hate myself so much I hate everything about me and I always have I'd love myself so much more if I could just NOT be so ugly people tell me that's not true but honestly? I don't believe you not because think your a mean liar but because how can you mean that? I spent my entire childhood abused, bullied, and convinced daily there was something wrong with me always anxious, always insecure, I battled body dysmorphia my ENTIRE. CHILDHOOD. you can't just act sweet to me and expect to erase a lifetime of trauma

I want my body to look different

I want to be treated better

I want to find the girl in the mirror beautiful

I want to feel better

Flattery won't make the fat drop off my waistline

Whatever enough venting here's a new plan;

OMAD

Only eat; Salad, Broccoli, Cabbage, Green beans, (I only really love these foods anyways)

Electrolyte drinks

Stuff to up blood sugar

Caffeine LOTS of Caffeine

L@xátives

Melatonin

Cough syrup

Tr@madøl

If the irritability and fatigue is because of a dip in blood sugar than I should start treating myself like a diabetic and balance out my blood sugar during fasts

If the hunger is intense I should distract myself or sleep or even make myself nauseous by bloating myself with fluids

If water weight becomes a problem I need to use diuretics and L@xátives

If I can't distract myself from my hunger I need to force myself to sleep

If I can't find the energy to do anything because my body was a greedy bitch and wasted all my glucose I need to use caffeine irregardless of the calories cause I can justify the calories in my fluids as long as I don't combine it with food

Also the people in my life need to stop being my biggest OPS! like good grief they always try shoving high calorie garbage in my face and of course my hungry fucked up brain can't help but say yes like bitch I'm HUNGRY. I haven't eaten for a day in a half and here you are showing me delicious food high in calories :(

Maybe I should put a collar on myself at this point and bark like a dog cause damn I sure act like a one sometimes by rewarding myself with food

I always convince myself prior to a b1ng3 that it's okay to eat and it never was the outcome is never different so why do I keep falling victim to my own lies? I need to start reminding myself maybe I should LITERALLY set multiple alarms on my phone that go off loudly and read;

"No don't you dare eat that"

"That's not a vegetable put it down"

"Do you WANT to be fat forever?"

"It's not okay to eat that cause then your just gonna have to be miserable for HOURS back away from the food and take some melatonin"

^ that's a proven method btw I remember accidentally getting high from a Melatonin OD and a Cough syrup OD because my mom wanted dinner and I was fasting so I just tried to get exhausted so I wouldn't justify eating

It was an accident btw and I don't recommend doing what I did not only is it not safe but it's kinda scary cause at one point I remembered being genuinely unable to move I was practically paralyzed in my bed at some point zoinked out of my mind and hardly clinging onto consciousness

[spacedinosaur2000]

Future Projects Plans

I will try to make as many Projects update posts as I can but I will assure you I have soo many Ideas on the plate for future projects. So I will just simplify to ten projects that I will announce I am Eyeing Up.

1-Fenton Fly Sequel Short:

Like I said, I have a couple scenes shot for the follow up short for Fenton Fly. I need more shots of Fenton Fly being crushed, also before I go forward I need to make a new Crushed Fenton model, right now my room is so diorganized and I lost all my Wire for Armatures so when I find that and start making that second model, things will continue.

2-Garry's Mod Multiplayer Gamemode-M Force:

Years ago I had an idea for a multiplayer gamemode on Garry's mod where its soldiers vs giant monsters, Inspired by Godzilla obviously but also sequences in things like Cloverfield. Basic premise is its multiple players as soldiers and One player as a Kaiju. Other options may be included but I want to start simple before I do updates. I spent the past few months just compiling a list of links to tutorials on coding for Garry's mod, all the relevant stuff for my mod, so now I'm Ready to start coding. Again there's a slight chance it could come out this year but if not, It's definitely gonna be ready for next year considering how easy some of the more basic aspects are to implement. There's gonna be some elements to my mod that might be more tough but I think that won't be towards the end of its development.

3-Untitled Space Cat Girl Project:

Been going through my old art for material to mine for projects. In general and going forward on this list I intend to re organize Some of this art, Remaking them and than trying to work them into a project somehow. This one is a little iffy to write around cause in some ways I have two different game projects this COULD fit while also not, Rocket Rex a sci fi platforming game about space farring Dinosaurs and Beast World a fantasy top down pirate game about cat people, neither one the Space Cat Girl fits. So I might work them into something else.

4-Turtle on a Fence:

Short Stop Motion film I realized I could do based off of a one off piece I did in 2009. A Simple Short to add to my library of works just to fill out my portfolio. Really I just wanna make a bunch of shorts and get in the habit of it as much as possible especially before I start on bigger projects. And I have to keep myself doing more simple projects that I can do Under budget. I have a premise and storyboard done, I think I just need to put together a set to film it on.

5-Untitled Robot Girl Series:

I Might reconsider and make it a short film but I wanted to plan out a big project for another one of my oldest and reoccurring characters in my art, a Robot Girl I keep recycling. One Idea was hey what if I join in on the Cartoon pilot trend and try to make a mock up prototype pilot that I could potentially sell and make it a big series. Although I should just focus on it being a Pilot short that I can post online and hope it gets some kind of attention. It will also be a stop motion project and I feel like making robot character models is an easy type of armature I could make for the series so I think I could with a low budget make a basic mock up. This one might have to wait a bit and I still need to finish a treatment and than move on to a screenplay for the pilot.

6-Untitled Stop Motion Horror Short:

took me a bit to decide what to do with a few one off pieces of art I had on hand of various characters and what to put them in and write around but I think I have an idea of a stop motion horror short animation about a Skateboarder and a a track suit runner girl running into a strange guy. No treatment written yet, just a few pieces of art that I also want to do remakes of and add a few more pieces of concept art for. Again Big reason I haven't started this yet either is cause I need to organize my desk so I have space to start building sets for these types of projects.

7-Untitled Dragon Project:

I did have an Idea for a fantasy Game but might hold off on that for a bit, and the art inspiring me to do this I considered for that but I might do something different for that project later. Instead, I might take inspiration from Dragonslayer and try to get a cool stop motion Dragon short done just to give me some more cool monster action short films out there from me.

8-Skull Planet:

Unless I bundle this with the Space Cat girl project, I did want to do a full claymation feature inspired by an unmade Guillermo Del Toro movie that almost became his debut until a vandalizing incident happened and he did Cronos instead. Thought Hey I like wild creatures, and I can probably do something like that all in Claymation. Just not Human characters yet which is what I really really wanna do, but Seeing if I can get a fantasy barbarian alien world movie like that off the ground would be fun. That Might be a longer and gruelling project at the same time though. But I am willing to start writing the screenplay for and getting things ready for that.

9-Zombie Girl Project:

Another one that will either be a short OR a series pitch that I should be developing. Now the Zombie girl aspect might change as there's multiple paranormal girl characters I've created separately over the years that I could combine into one Project, up there with your hotel transylvanias or Drak pack or Groovie Ghoulies and etc. This depends and right now I just need to collect more art throughout the years of these disparate characters I've created and decide what to with them and if I want to make separate projects out of them or have them all be cast members in one big project.

10-Untitled Mermaid horror project:

Not sure if this will be a short/series/movie or whether this will be animated or live action (in which case it would be a WHILE before anything of this would materialize). Based once again off some old designs that I do want to remake again. The Redesign will be drastically different (The old design is a terrible xenomorph/hr giger lite anthro thing cooked up by a 13 year old).

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

i keep telling myself to quit checking up on KM spaces cause there’s literally nothing but bickering and going out of the way to find things to be mad at but I keep ending up coming back 😓 it’s so hard, I still think about them a lot and I generally enjoy doing so! They make me happy to think about, genuinely. it’s been a force of habit for so long but the vibe with no new content (I try and avoid military updates but they waft into my view every so often and I’m glad they seem to be doing ok at least) is just so nasty it’s just like can’t everyone just relax and be happy knowing they’re together??? Obviously I am the problem here and I need to stop but it’s a struggle….do I need to just go completely cold turkey on bangtan? 😂 is that what you did when you took a long break? It’s not like I don’t have hobbies and a job and stuff, but for a long time they’ve occupied a special nice place where I just think of them and generally enjoy reading people’s thoughts about them, but over the past year especially w the solo stuff it’s just gotten kinda rancid

Hello, anon

I understand you completely. If something has become part of your daily routine, on top of other activities and interests, it's normal to get the urge to check up on it. Cold turkey might not help because it increases the chances of going back to it. I'm going through the same thing nowadays. I'm aware that right now, there's barely any point in keeping up with that part of my interests online. KM have enlisted and despite seeing some military updates, I'm not excitedly/anxiously looking forward to it. Like you, I think it's nice to see that they appear fine, but personally I could live without those updates as well. Consequently, I barely discuss it even on my blog, I don't find it necessary.

Most likely, the upcoming show will be the only relevant content that makes me still keep an eye on them right now and that's because the announcement might drop at any time. By not knowing exactly when, it's enough to keep at least a part of the fandom waiting and participating online. Not a bad strategy, but a frustrating one for us.

Likewise, by still checking up tumblr/twitter, I'm also exposing myself to daily fights, endless debates on relationship dynamics and so on. I find it pointless and I'd say a sign of boredom if this wasn't the modus operandi of the fandom anyway.

I made a vague comment recently, but it is terribly annoying having to read left and right troll anons baiting bloggers who then are bringing receipts to demonstrate that KM are close. Really? We're still doing that in 2024? People are talking in circles to demonstrate something that doesn't need more proving. Twitter is worse because they fight like idiots under the guise of defending. The knights in shining armour fighting for the princesses.

As to solo stans, I don't have an issue with the idea of only liking an artist and that's it. If only that would be the full definition. Anyone acting like not only a fanatic, but writing like some miserable 4chan user is someone I really can't stand. It's slowly becoming standard stan behavior and I see this in other fandoms as well, including those of western artists. It's nasty and embarassing.

When I took a break, I unfollowed almost all KM and JM focused accounts. The ones remaining I muted so I had to go to my following list and check each individually if I wanted to see what was up. My point was to not have any of that on my timeline. I think it worked for a while. Now I'm back to how it was before and I don't know how that happened. I should make some changes again.

[mrawkweird]

Someone on Twitter I followed showed they just got a Liger Zero model

It made me remember that I defiantly had a toy of that thing back when it was new that I lost or broke at some point cause I defiantly didn't have it when all my "baby" shit got put then lost in storage. (by lost I meant sold because my mom could not or forgot to pay)

Do you ever go back and realize how FUCKING STUPID we are as kids for not taking care of our toys? Cause so much of them are worth 5x what they were when you got them. Like those crappy western made DBZ toys.

Even the stuff you get from Happy meals

On a related note, I had a Growlmon toy, but I didn't get it from the store no no, I got it because someone left it by a tree at the park. I took it home cleaned it up and kept it for myself

Pirate rules bitch

That Gundam reminds me of the time I got a Gundam Wing model kit thinking it was already whole and was forced to get good and put it together from scratch. Learned about reality real quick.

I'm glad that at some point I started valuing my shit, still keep a box of the most valuable ones stored somewhere, but I will always mourn the things that I lost on the way to that revelation.

I had the fucking Cubix toy and I let that shit fall apart. I was obsessed with the show so I got it for Christmas one year and sometimes I'm still in disbelieve that I just let it fall to the wayside. There's another thing I think about and I would pay to have this memory erased like Eternal Sunshine but I also got the OG season 1 Digivice Tamagotchi that they had....and I threw it away when the battery died.

It was this one exactly and I kick myself every time I think about it. For a time there was a part of me that thought somebody found it and went on to become a Digidestined and I just threw away the opportunity like a fool.

Also, there's a whole conversation that needs to be had about the toys they were given out at places like McDonald's and Burger King in the day. Like, let's just compare real quick Beyblade at 2 different eras with Burger King.

No other generation of kid will ever have it that good with their happy meals again. They were giving out some pretty good quality toy store shit and if you look at what they have now it's some ol' hollow bullshit. I also had the silver Gohan, Vegeta and Krillin from that BK DBZ set. I even got the gold plated Pikachu card they were giving out for Pokemon: The First Movie. That's still somewhere around here.

And it's funny you have that Growlmon story because I also have something similar where I was trying to collect all the Recess toys they had a McDonald's.

I'd keep getting every kid but fucking TJ until I lucked out and the universe said "we got something for you today" and I found that shit in the grass at the park. Pirate life is THE life.

Also, this is a loss that really hit at my core at the time mainly because I feel like it was out of my hands.

I had this Spawn figure. The coolest figure I ever had in my life at that point, maybe even ever, and I fucking lost that shit within days. Didn't go outside with it or anything. It just vanished out of thin air along with the comic it came with. Really thinking about it now I would not be surprised if my grandparents lowkey got rid of it thinking my mom brought some demonic shit into the house. Either way I genuinely hope to get it again one day.

[magpies-gold]

I may have finally unlocked the thing what turns my unhealthy overproductive causes-me-burnout creativity into enjoyable creativity - and it's called working off of vibes.

In the past I've tried just taking breaks from being creative, but that never works. Doing things other than being creative just feels like I've put myself in time out from the thing I actually like doing. Ultimately, I want to be creative. I love making art! I love writing stories! I genuinely get life from being my artistic self like.... all the heckin' time. It's all I genuinely want to do is make stuff. What I don't get life from is making it a grind. Working to rigid schedules, focusing on daily goals and - oh my lord, I despise the push to monetize it. I'm leaning hard away from that these days, and I'm not sure how far I'll ultimately take my aversion to pursuing profit from my creative ventures. It doesn't make me significantly happier to make money off of it (even though sometimes it's necessary, like when disaster strikes and I don't readily have four digits in the bank account to fix whatever's exploded), especially when making money comes with added stress from things like figuring out the taxes on what I've made, and the horrors of the perpetual chase to make more money. The emotional balance trends towards the negative and I'm over it. So I'm attempting a vibes-based approach - doing things when it's good for me to, and in a way that is fun. Some of it's a bit of concerted de-programming: for example, my webcomic is a source of truly bad habits for no good reason. It exists only on my Patreon, and it is exceptionally obscure and always was. There is very little point in wearing myself out trying to pour twenty hours a week into a new page every single week just because one is supposed to stick to a schedule, but over the last decade or so I programmed myself very well to do just that. Getting out of that rut so that I can have a healthy relationship with it again is a fight, but I'm winning. I want to chase the short term happy of getting a new page queued up every Monday, but instead I'm refusing to do so. If the page is done, I queue it up a few days late. And then the next week a few days later than that. Always a different number of days, pushing it out of sync so that I can't fall back into routine and neither can my handful of readers. I did not ever promise them a schedule. A schedule is bad for me. Result? I (mostly) drew three pages this weekend and enjoyed it. They're not done, but I made a heck of a dent and didn't feel gross about it. I'll finish them over the course of the next week or so, in bits and pieces rather than forcing myself to sit still for hours at a time until the page is done. I should be stopping when I'm done. I'm also way happier with the art I'm making. I'm still churning it out quick, but the lack of self-imposed deadlines means that I can have fun with it. I'm doing similar things with my writing. It's nice when I can keep Alpha Base moving forward, but for the last while I've been muddling around in different directions than forward and it's actually getting the creative wheels spinning in my head better than the methodical one-step-in-front-of-the-other approach. If I have a hankering to jump elsewhere in the plot and write a scene, I do. If I need to explore an aspect of a character that technically falls into a prequel (because dang it, I'm starting to develop prequel material) then I go for that. If writing a drabble that might not even land in the book, or any of the book(s), is what I need, then I'm doing that, and it doesn't matter if I'm "ready" to or "there yet" - I'm just doing it. Vibes. It's all worthwhile.  Hell, I spent most of the weekend writing a purely fluff scene (me! writing fluff!) between two of my antagonists and I think that was one of the best ways to spend a weekend. I feel damn good about it and learned a ton about them both. I think I even know where in the book to put it, and I sure didn't when I started writing. Didn't know that would happen! Life's too short to spend turning everything into a dang job.  I just want to play. So to hell with it. We play.