#But I was intentioned to animate some of it and I still haven't gotten anything done about it...

[aro-culture-is]

Question. Is it allophobic if my sister finds a boy friend and I get pissed because all of a sudden it's about the dude? The dude above us all, choosing the dude above everyone else. Like why is this normal and why am I considered deranged for questioning this weird illogical hierarchy. People say I'm bitter because I can't find a one true significant other, not knowing that I'm not even interested in the slightest.

which is why I ask is it a little too far to be pissed when a family/friend kind of person to you chooses their significant other all the time?

Allophobia does not exist on a cultural level. I am not humoring this term that I've only seen used in bad faith; I will instead address the response to a person you care for suddenly spending more time with others because they entered a new romantic relationship.

To begin with, it is okay to feel how you feel, even if you would rather not feel it for some reason or another. You are allowed to feel angry, upset, betrayed, and all sorts of things for any reason. But you must own this emotion; it is how you feel, and you cannot use this to determine intent or blame.

When you feel upset, it's important to practice letting yourself name your emotion. Look up a feelings wheel if you need some ideas. Acknowledge that yes, you are feeling this way. Then, locate how it feels in your body. Consider areas of tension, temperature, movement or stillness. Just acknowledge it. You don't have to do anything about that if you don't want to. Just think about it.

Then comes the hardest part, personally.

Is that emotion telling you something? Does it tell you that you'd like a more robust social circle to lean on when someone has another part of their life they are focusing their energy on? Could you redirect your energy into something? Is this emotion about that specific situation, or a broader theme in your life? Whatever it is, try to address that, thank your body for telling you this, and let the emotion go. This is a practice; you need to let yourself feel, learn to trust that you will address the root cause, and that you can let it go.

It can be really helpful to contextualize this from the perspective of the other individual. With new romantic partners, the polyamorous community has a term called New Relationship Energy (NRE) and talks about how hard it can be to navigate within a polyam relationship, when their partners gain new partners. People get excited to dive into their new relationship. If you've ever gotten into a new media and absolutely immersed yourself, or a new craft, or anything, it's very similar. New things can be exciting!

I'm very certain that your sister, and the vast majority of people getting into a new relationship and suddenly paying less attention to their loved ones, do not mean to harm you. They may or may not be applying an hierarchy. They're often excited and enjoying the new experiences. You can still feel hurt, and you can talk with them openly about this without blaming them. "I feel upset because we haven't played Animal Crossing together in a month. Could we please commit to a night together? I miss you."

[icedragonlizard]

"Hope Within The Darkness" information: Blade's dynamics with the Kirby cast

Here's the link for the AU to give it a read if you've yet to do so before reading this post.

When the Dark Matter Swordsman (aka 'Blade', the alias he adopts) comes back, how does he interact with Kirby and all of his friends?

Let's find out!

I said in the AU's synopsis that I'd gladly answer if someone asked in my inbox about his dynamics with the other, but I haven't gotten that LOL. It's okay though. I've chosen to do it myself because I feel like it.

Going over how he interacts with Kirby, all dream friends, and Elfilin.

Kirby: As Kirby never holds grudges, this is an easy friendship that Blade successfully makes at the start. Kirby is happy to show Blade around throughout Popstar and some other planets. He's seen how a lot of people are uneasy and hesitant to accept Blade, which makes him feel bad... as he understand their concerns, but he's willing to see the best in this dark swordsman. He's been doing his part well in helping out. Blade appreciates Kirby. As many other people are less willing to be his friend, he's grateful that Kirby immediately accepted him in open arms.

King Dedede: Dedede is incredibly uncomfortable and distrustful of Blade. This is, of course, because of the PTSD he's had of being possessed by dark matter many times. Old wounds were reopened for Dedede when Blade came back, and it's made him paranoid about another dark matter invasion incoming and getting possessed another time. This paranoia has made him feel the need to berate Blade. Luckily, Blade has no desire to invade or possess again, but it doesn't help that he's standoffish and combative when given negative attention (because he perceives it as a threat), which has resulted in strife between him and Dedede a few times. Eventually, regulations have been made as Blade is not allowed near Dedede's castle. Blade has miserably failed to make a friendship with Dedede.

Bandana Waddle Dee: Being among Dedede's very loyal servants, Bandee is also very distrustful of Blade. He can't fathom the idea of Dedede getting possessed by dark matter again! It terrified him when the king had his stomach grow an eyeball and turn into a set of jaws back in the day. Blade has no intention to do that again after he's returned, but that doesn't stop Bandee from completely having his guard up around him. That they've had arguments (because Blade feels threatened by negative attention) doesn't help matters much either. This is another friendship that Blade fails to make.

Meta Knight: Meta Knight wasn't possessed by dark matter back in the day, allowing him to be a lot more lenient than Dedede at giving Blade a second chance. But friendship still doesn't come easy here. Considering Meta Knight is close friends with Dedede and was let in on details about the king's PTSD of dark matter, he's still very cautious of Blade. Sword duels have occurred between these two, although that's just because Meta Knight enjoys fighting instead of having any serious beef with Blade. Blade however misinterprets the fights as Meta Knight disliking/hating him. Friendship isn't necessarily impossible here if given enough time, but Blade hasn't succeeded at it just yet.

The Animal Friends: They were all nervous and uncomfortable of Blade at first. At first, they feared the idea of another dark matter invasion right around the corner, and then their fear shifted to worrying about Gooey. Since the animal friends are close to Gooey, they were afraid that Blade was eventually going to hurt him while watching them interact. But that's never happened, and Blade actually being protective of Gooey more than anything has eased their concerns a lot. Kine, Nago and especially Coo are still rather cautious (even if it's optimistic caution) while Rick, ChuChu and Pitch have came around to start getting along with Blade decently well, meaning that he's successfully made friendships with those three. It took quite some time for them to become his friends, though.

Gooey: Gooey, just like Kirby, is another easy friendship that Blade makes at the start since he's incapable of holding any sort of grudge. They've bonded over solidarity of being dark matter spawns that are free to do whatever they want after leaving their evil clan. Blade has designated himself as a big brother to Gooey and is fiercely protective of him. He'll wreck anyone that hurts Gooey. However, many people are scared about Blade's friendship with Gooey, worrying he'll hurt the little guy. He never will. He's been in arguments with others about this. After proving how much he cares about Gooey, people have decided to let them be buddies, with some being reluctant about it since they still can't shake off their distrust. Nevertheless, Gooey loves Blade as it's given him hope and joy that there's more dark matter that can be good than just himself.

Adeleine: Adeleine is scared of Blade. She's a victim of dark matter possession just like Dedede is, making Blade effectively unable to make a friendship with her. She doesn't ever berate him, though, as she rather just hides behind her paintings or someone else at the sight of him. Blade tried to become friends as he meant no harm, but Kirby and others have convinced him to just let Adeleine be, considering her past baggage with dark matter and how bad of an idea it'd be to open that up further for her. Understanding, Blade just lets her be.

Ribbon: Ribbon has her guard up when Blade is around. She's not as fearful as Adeleine, but she still firmly keeps her distance around this guy. It made her a bit worried about the idea of another dark matter invasion happening, but it does give her comfort to see Kirby being friends with Blade as she knows that he can easily keep him in check. She's still uncomfortable with letting Blade anywhere near Ripple Star, though. Kirby agrees to make sure he stays away from there. This is another friendship that Blade doesn't succeed in making.

Marx: Blade is not a fan of Marx. He tried to become friends with him at first, until he then decided against it when he began finding Marx to be insufferable. Marx has tried to "make Blade worse" so to speak, and let me tell you that Blade has stabbed him at least once because of it. Marx is a chaos enjoyer; he's entertained by watching the tense interactions that many other people have with Blade, and so he's deliberately added fuel to the fire in some of those instances. That's pissed Blade off. Doesn't help that Marx also sarcastically asks him if he's gonna possess people again. Blade thinks that he's aggravating.

Dark Meta Knight: Blade has actually succeeded in becoming friends with DMK! It took a while for this friendship to happen, though. They're both standoffish and easily triggered to be aggressive, and they had some strife at first. But they've eventually come together over solidarity of being dark shady sword-fighters. When DMK remembered that his master Dark Mind originated from dark matter, that made him warm up to Blade. These two like to sword duel, as it's an enriching activity for the both of them. DMK doesn't have many friends, as he's not that good at making them, so Blade deserves some credit for becoming a new friend for him. A win for them both!

Daroach: This is rather complicated. There are moments where they can get along alright, but there are also moments where it's rather tense. When some people helped build Blade a home somewhere in Dream Land, Daroach began stealing from it on occasion. Because of that, Blade has been hesitant to consider him a friend as it pisses him off to be robbed. He's stabbed Daroach over a robbery one time. Daroach on the other hand appears to have no beef with Blade, and there are occasions where he's able to get some chuckles out of him by cracking dumb jokes. It's not hugely heated here, but they aren't necessarily a real friendship. They could be if Daroach stopped stealing from Blade's home, but he's shown no indication of that.

Magolor: The third friend that Blade makes after Kirby and Gooey, and an extremely helpful friend at that. Magolor was initially wary until he learned that Blade just wants to make friends, but hasn't been very good at it. He knows what it's like to try to make friends and get declined, so he's been able to empathize with Blade's frustration at times. Magolor has helped him out a lot, including helping change Blade's personality to be better at making friends. He's taught him the concept of apologizing (Blade didn't know about that beforehand LOL) and helps him understand that even after apologizing, forgiveness from everybody is not exactly possible, but still don't give up on the quest of making all the friends you can. Magolor helped introduce Blade to some of the other ex-villain dream friends in hopes of giving him new friends. A bonus that he teaches him how to cause fun mild mischief! Blade appreciates Magolor a ton. He looks up to him. This is Blade's favorite out of the dream friends aside from Gooey.

Taranza: They became friends as they formed a little "We possessed Dedede!" club. It makes it amusingly ironic for Dedede to treat the two so differently; he quickly forgave Taranza but is still very uncomfortable around Blade. It's because the dark matter possessions traumatized him a lot more by comparison, including that they happened earlier. But all the same, Taranza still doesn't judge Blade for it, especially when knowing that the guy wants to do better and wants to make friends, as he's glad to be one of them. He's showed him around in Floralia. Admittedly, there was a moment when Taranza was upset upon learning that Morpho Knight brought this guy back... he thought it was unfair that Sectonia couldn't be brought back too, but he's not mad at Blade and is happy for him.

Susie: This may be a bit unexpected, but they've become friends! Susie was highly curious upon learning Blade's return, as it interested her to learn that this was another positive dark matter spawn that's different from Gooey. It actually didn't take too long for them to become friends when they met, as Susie compliments Blade for looking super cool and he's appreciative of the positive attention. At one point, after Susie has shown interest in learning more about dark matter, Blade lets her in on details of the rest of the dark matter clan, and how he used to be a part of it but was given the chance to escape because of how it mistreated him. That revelation shocked her. Susie is how Blade learns about modern technology, and he's attempted to use some gadgets she made... with various results.

The Mage Sisters: When they learned about what this guy originated from, it made them all giddy to meet him. Blade has managed to become friends with them! Flamberge is the one he likes the most by virtue of having a sword like him, as they will sometimes sword-duel with each other for enrichment. Zan Partizanne has him learn about calling other people nicknames. Francisca is the one that Blade least interacts with, but they're still friends. All three of the mage sisters have enchanted his sword with elements (just like the element system in Star Allies) to allow him to do various things. Blade thinks they're a good bunch, and he gets along with Hyness as well.

Elfilin: Elfilin was initially very scared of Blade. He's generally rather neurotic, but he also thought the guy was bad because he watched the distrust that others have for him, and it didn't really help matters when he learned that Blade used to be apart of the evil dark matter clan that Gooey was never apart of. After learning that Blade is no longer evil and isn't attempting another invasion, Elfilin's opinion eases just a little bit. But he's still intimidated by how standoffish and aggressive Blade is, so he continues to keep a distance. Sadly this is a friendship that Blade does not succeed at making.

That's basically it!

It looks like Blade has had greater luck with ex-villain dream friends then he did with ones that weren't ever villains to begin with. Many of the characters that appeared in the DMT (except Gooey and some of the animal friends) weren't really in the bag for Blade to become friends with for reasons that may be self-explanatory enough.

Thanks for reading if you did, haha.

[i-heart-hxh]

I'm sure you've gotten this question before but the needle question got me thinking: do you have any idea how the Zoldyck heir situation even works? I'm guessing it's based on a talent and performance base (and having anime protag hair lol), but it's interesting that it's not simply "the eldest child is the heir to the family business." And if so, when was Killua deemed the heir? Love to hear your thoughts!

Hello! Actually, nobody's asked me this before, so it's a fun topic to dig into!

Canon doesn't provide much detail on this topic, so I'll do my best to convey what we do/don't know and then make some guesses based off that.

There's a popular belief I've seen in the fandom that Killua was chosen as the heir because of his hair color (and/or potentially nen type that may or may not come along with this), however this has never been confirmed by anything in the series. I do think when Togashi designed the Zoldyck siblings with Killua being the only one to inherit the white/silver hair like Silva and Zeno, it was almost certainly with the intention of making the fact that he's "special" among the family even clearer, but as far as we know currently, the heir is chosen based on perceived talent/potential.

I'm guessing this might include physical prowess and skill as an assassin, leadership ability, and mental stability. Killua is said to be the most talented Zoldyck in the entire history of the family, so I'm sure that heavily weights the decision towards him (in spite of the elements that make him "unsuitable," which the family seems to believe they can push out of him in various ways).

(Unofficial translation, but it was worded in a more straightforward way than the official one.)

We're never told how or when the heir is decided--perhaps they evaluate the children at a certain age with regards to this, or it's simply an ongoing discussion among the heads of the household until they come to a decision. There may be some formal process or ritual to determine who becomes the heir that we just haven't been given info on. It wouldn't surprise me with how complex the Zoldyck family's traditions, rules, and ways of operating are. I do think it makes sense that the heir isn't just the first born son, because assassination is an intense, multifaceted trade and leaving that business in the hands of just anyone doesn't seem wise.

Here's a bit that implies there's some sort of timeline by which the heir is prepared to take over the family, because Killua is apparently at the most crucial stage of this:

Looking at the other siblings, I think it's pretty clear why Killua is the best choice (in the view of Silva and Kikyo)--Illumi is unstable, power hungry, and has no qualms about killing innocent people to achieve his goals; Milluki is a shut-in who seems more focused on his hobbies than "work" and lacks common sense; Alluka has the Nanika issue and is barely even considered a member of the family to begin with. I don't know if Kalluto has anything in particular that disqualifies him, but it's not as though it's easy to compete with Killua, the most talented Zoldyck in the history of the family...

It wouldn't surprise me if we get a little more detail on the heir situation later in the series, seeing as Killua is still considered the heir as far as we know, and I think that's an issue that's going to have to be dealt with eventually in some way or another.

That's about all the insight I can give on this topic for now because we've only been given little tidbits on how it works, but I hope this was helpful or interesting nonetheless. Thank you for asking!

[mesaprotector]

was reading recently about the "to be lawful or good" trope (follow orders/respect rule of law, or do what's right?), and it occurred to me that western values are so idealistic on the matter that "good" is almost always chosen, and a character who believes the law is the greater good is usually painted as morally dubious and hypocritical. tvtropes points out that in the parallel "to be chaotic or good" dilemmas protagonists almost always choose chaotic. i guess that makes sense from the point of view of fiction as wish fulfillment, and the ideal world for an american is one where they can do whatever they want without consequences.

psycho-pass is a really good example of media where this does not happen. anime in general tends to be more respectful of "lawful" values, sometimes to excess from my own western point of view (too many anime i've seen, workplace abuse is "dealt" with by learning to work harder). but urobuchi at least has a nice concept of what a balance can look like. (spoilers below, of course).

akane tsunemori is the most lawful good character to ever lawful good. she has constant positive intentions, cares for everyone in her society, and does so by enforcing and interpreting the law - and would not have it any other way. there's an amazing quote from her near the end of s1 (i have not seen the later seasons):

"People have always detested evil and sought out a righteous way of living. Their feelings, the accumulation of those peoples feelings are the law. They’re neither the provisions, nor the system. They’re the fragile and irreplaceable feelings that everyone carries in their hearts."

when faced with "to be lawful or good", she never once gives up on the law, no matter what. she has at least two chances to kill a dangerous villain outright and rejects both as being against orders; when the law itself tries to ensnare someone she loves, she finds a way out by following the rules instead of just breaking them like any other hero would.

dungeons and dragons kind of threw the alignment system at players and told them "you, there, interpret this". it's difficult and a lot to ask. from the little experience i have with it, most players only care about good/neutral/evil, and as for law vs. chaos they're just treated like different flavors of ice cream. it's far more compelling to treat them as equally important - a lawful good character and a chaotic good character are as far apart, morally, as a lawful good and a lawful evil one.

psycho-pass s1 doesn't have a chaotic good character. the closest it gets is kagari, who could perhaps be called chaotic neutral (though i have trouble calling any literal cop chaotic, he was essentially forced into the role). but it does have a fantastic example of a chaotic vs. lawful conflict, just on the evil side - makishima vs. sibyl.

i think where i wanted to go with this is that part of maturity is learning that two people, or groups of people, who are fighting, may very well both be righteous, and talking it out is often not a solution. i think most modern politics is like this, but that's just my feeling. there are some fairly evil people around, to be sure, but the vast majority of people are not - and recognizing that those different from you are in some ways righteous, and that you yourself are in some ways capable of evil - is really a critical sort of humility.

i might be a little too thrilled with myself for having realized this so early - i was the only kid in my class who liked "lord of the flies", and i still do like it. tumblr used to really have a thing about hating it back when the audience on this website had an average age of 16. i hope those people who insisted "but i'd never have grown up to do anything bad" have learned better since. but looking at how many older people (including apparently most writers) haven't gotten the memo, i'm not too sure.

[after-witch]

Okay, hold on because this?

You’re spitting nothing but facts. I’ve said this exact same thing on both of my previous blogs (not this one, not yet xmdkxkdnd) about how x reader just was not a thing in Ye Fandom of Olde. I don’t know if people really believe me or if I just sound like a hunch backed crone standing on her front porch waving her cane at the neighborhood kids, yelling at them to appreciate what they’ve got because back in my day … but it really was such an incredibly different landscape. There are certain aspects of it that I miss for sure and others I’m glad to leave in the past.

The completely random conversations between the author and the character(s) among them, GOD, the way that still activates every single one of my cringe reflexes. 😂 Actually my all time favorite fic had those for the first dozen or so chapters, but she thankfully left them in the fore and afterword, not haphazardly placed in the fic itself, so it was easy to ignore haha. I can laugh at it and maybe even look back at it fondly, but I don’t think I want that particular trend to make a comeback any time soon xmxmdnd

It’s kind of surreal in a way, finding someone who knows exactly what I’m talking about and sharing that mutual experience. I know there have to be more of us out there but I feel like a good chunk of them have probably moved on from anime fandom content so I’m very glad to have found you like this. 💕

I unfortunately got busy with one of my own projects yesterday and didn’t get a chance to read anymore of your stuff, but I’m really looking forward to diving in once I’m done. When I tell you I am 👀 eyeballing the hell out of your Sesshomaru fics cmdkxmdmd

Also, if I may ask, are you by any chance a fan of Yu Yu Hakusho? 🥹

"I don’t know if people really believe me or if I just sound like a hunch backed crone standing on her front porch waving her cane at the neighborhood kids, yelling at them to appreciate what they’ve got because back in my day … but it really was such an incredibly different landscape."

We can both be crones, in that case! But no, I completely get what you're saying. It was SO different. I am genuinely appreciative of the fact that "reader fic" is so popular and the distaste I see for it is mainly "it's clogging up the regular tags" rather than the absolute nastiness that used to be associated with any OCs or inkling of "hey I like these characters, wouldn't it be neat if they wanted me?"

OCs in general were considered taboo enough, but reader fic was just… not a "thing" back in the early 2000s, really, not in the style we know it today. When second person was used, it was usaully meant to be stylized (rather than today where the intent of second person is "reader fic," to pull the reader into the story in a different, visceral way) and second person fics would fall into the OC bucket.

Gosh on that note, I remember "Mary Sue Hunter" groups that would find any OCs on ye olde fanfiction.net and leave reviews with forms to determine how much of a "Mary Sue" someone's OC was.

If you were going to attempt an OC, it felt like you had to make them Super Super Boring and Normal and Ordinary and No Actual Characters Ever Fell in Love with Them (except maybe non-important side characters) in order to get people to leave you alone.

Not that there's anything wrong with writing characters who are ordinary but it rarely felt it was an organic decision from the authors, but rather a reflection of what was "okay" to write.

Fandom is so different now. As you said, there's some things I miss ("don't like, don't read" and "you're responsible for what you read" being the standard etiquette, for one...) but plenty that I don't, too.

Also, if I may ask, are you by any chance a fan of Yu Yu Hakusho?

Yessss. I love it. I have so many discarded OCs from my teenage years from YYH, they were all ridiculously self-indulgent ofc. I do want to at some point write a few yandere YYH characters, but I haven't gotten any inspiration for it yet.

[freezerbnuuy]

Act 4:5 - Missing Pieces (Page 1)

LORE | CHARACTERS | ABOUT / CHAPTERS / WARNINGS

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CONTENT WARNING: grief

Reynold

I haven't stopped thinking about the events of yesterday's visit to Dr. Annorin. The ghost, another ghost- that spaniel-like dog that eyed him intently. Then there was what Owen said about me being oddly cold to the touch, and his prediction that it might have been caused by a dangerous build-up of the magic in my blood. If I have to go back to him, I just hope he performs a little less thorough of an examination- I know it's his job, but he'd explored places even Áine hasn't. I suppose you never know where the answer to a problem lies.

I don't know how I'm supposed to convince Kat that these ghosts are real, I know they're real. But why only animals, I wonder? Owen mentioned he thinks the overcharge might have meddled with my brain somehow, only no-one in Henford knows much about the human mind. I might find something in the Peteran library- nothing scientific, but Peteran scholars often had a fascination with the inner workings of the mind.

Ever since the incident, there's an emptiness in me that I can't quite describe, a kind of detachment. Maybe it's just all that's going on weighing me down, but there's no time for being weighed down when I have people to look after...

"Father. A word, if I may."

I only just recognise that voice, and that accent, from when we all gathered at Oskar's house. It's Violeta, Oskar's mother, and the woman that tried to attack my partner and my unborn child. Under this roof, I have little choice but to hear out whatever she's about to say.

"Go on."

"I have something I must ask of you, Father, but first...I have something I must tell you. I know you were close to him."

No. 

No, he can't be. Oskar...already? Surely his illness hasn't gotten so bad so quickly. She lowers her head, and I can't see her eyes under the shadow of the brim of her hat.

"My son is no longer with us. He fought bravely to stop the witchfinders, and to allow the witches to pass to safety- but not without giving his life."

I feel a cold sickness sink from my chest into my stomach. To say I'm devastated would be an understatement. Everything he'd done for everyone- myself, Áine, Eli, my father, and everyone else that came before all of us.

Oskar never wanted to stop living, even in his darkest moments. I want to say he would have never wanted this- but he was a soldier at heart, wasn't he? He wasn't going to let his sickness be the thing that took his life. All of them are going to be utterly heartbroken. 

I don't even know where Áine and Róisín are. I don't even know if they're still alive, but I have to stay hopeful, for everyone's sake. Áine wouldn't have let any harm come to her or to Róisín. 

"I'm deeply sorry, Violeta. Oskar did so much for everyone- we'll always remember him."

"Indeed, we will- and that is what I need your assistance with. I plan to bury him in Windenburg alongside his parents, but first, I would like to have a funeral of some sort for him. It doesn't have to be anything lavish- just something to remember him by properly. I know Oskar would have wanted something all fancy, but...I understand that everything is rough for everyone at this time."

On top of everything, there's a chance that Róisín and Áine won't even get to give a proper goodbye to him. I don't want to think about it, but I have little choice. I can't be the one to decide on when Violeta mourns her own son for the sake of my family.

"Of course. I'd be glad to."

"Thank you, Father. It would be good to see if Áine and Róisín would want to attend...though I know Áine probably does not want me anywhere near her."

I never did find out the whole story behind that. It's never something Áine has ever spoken to me about in detail.

"Can I ask what happened, Violeta, to make her feel that way?"

Under this roof, I can't judge her too much for what she's about to tell me. Now is the best time to ask.

"I planned to kill her. I didn't care when Oskar told me she was with child. In my 'youth', witches handed vampires and werewolves to the witchfinders to save their own skins. I hated them. I didn't care for her or her child. I wanted to protect my son, that was all; it's all I've ever wanted to do. 

I would be lying if I said I felt guilty. I have mostly felt nothing for a very long time. But I realise that what I did was wrong, and the witches of today are nothing like the ones that would have handed the likes of me into the hands of the likes of Volpe. I didn't touch her- Oskar took me down to the ground before I could."

"You don't have to forgive me, Father, but I can promise you, I would not endanger the lives of either of them again- or any other witch. I know now that I made the incorrect assumptions, and I bear no ill will towards her- especially after all the good she did for my son."

Violeta didn't even land a scratch on Áine. I still remember what Clem looked like after what happened. Violeta was trying to protect her son, and she would have done anything to do so. I'd have done the same for my daughter- only my daughter's life was almost endangered by this woman.

"Do you know where they are? I have something I must tell your daughter," she explains. "Róisín made Oskar promise to her to be brave, as he'd asked of her. I need to tell her that her grandfather kept his promise."

[whataperfectwasteoftime]

It's 2024!

Oh hi! I know I haven't been around much. I've gone back to my favorite pastime: lurking without interacting in any meaningful way. However, despite having the flu all week this week (or perhaps because of, since I've done little else but sleep and sit on the couch), I've done a lot of thinking. Thinking backward and reviewing my progress over the past year, and thinking ahead to what I want to accomplish in the next.

I'm not a New Year's Resolution type of gal, but for the last two years, with the encouragement of my therapist, I've set an intention. Last year's intention was Joy, and despite facing a lot of mental health challenges (mostly because of the work I've been doing in therapy, which has been A Lot), I think I've done a lot of small things that have embodied Joy:

I bought myself not one, but TWO stuffed animals, just for me.

I've stayed pretty consistent with journaling, mostly by rewarding myself with stickers from a 500-count box.

I've painted lots of "Joy" sunflowers for myself and friends as reminders.

I've prioritized self-care and have made pretty big strides in the way I talk to myself about myself.

I adopted a guinea pig.

I've also done a LOT of trauma processing over the past year, which has been helpful, but also incredibly taxing on my mental health. I'm to the point where I feel like I've re-hashed the past to death, and I'm ready to skip to the good part, where I live my present as a healthy, happy individual. That being the case, my intention for the year is:

Discovery

A lot of this intention is going to be focused on self-discovery, which I won't go into here. But let me finally get down to the lede I've definitely buried, and that's what it means for my writing.

I am also going to focus on *discovering* new hobbies, new talents, and new stories.

What does that mean? Well, my biggest goal this year is to start writing Lavish again. I'd added quite a bit of backstory to the original fic when I first started kicking around the idea of turning a few of my fics into novels. I've got a full outline, with what I hope is a coherent and compelling plot, and all that remains is, uh... *checks notes* ...writing it.

It's funny that I've gotten so incredibly fatigued over what was once my most popular story on this site, but for the last couple of years I've wanted to write anything but Lavish. Now that I've taken an extended break, though, I hope that I can fall in love with it all over again.

In the meantime, Control is still out there to purchase! I've been pretty absent (okay, completely absent) from my author socials, but I'm hoping to pop back in with no preamble at some point and actually try to promote my work.

Thanks to all of you for sticking around with me <3 I hope everyone has a wonderful year ahead.

[oakantony]

hey emanthony I love your hxh fics some much I have a random question that you can totally ignore if you dont feel like answering 😄 I've noticed that killua is usually away in your fics like in your last fic he was on a boarding school and in your other fics he is just mentioned but doesnt have a major role except for the sharpest knife though he was still more like plot device there imo, do you try to avoid writing him because he is arguably the most popular hxh character and you prefer not to deal with the unnecessary fandom drama that writing a fic about him might cause? Which is totally fine if thats the reason, your fics are still amazing with killua involve but I was just curious.

I have MANY thoughts and I'm preemptively sorry for the wall of text that's about to happen. ily, though, here's the TLDR: it's honestly mostly logistical issues that have caused me to avoid inserting Killua into stories.

tbh if I didn't want fandom drama I wouldn't have written that opening for The Youngest Child. That shit was risky af. I still marvel that I haven't gotten e-flayed over it and sometimes I consider removing the story entirely because I have anxieties. (Obviously Chrollo and Kalluto's tryst at the beginning is not meant to be some hot aspirational kink-thing [you do you if you're into that]--the intention has always been to show how far Chrollo had fallen, socially, and how Kalluto has been placed in a dangerous position his entire life without parental figures to care for his well-being [enter: Gon, our knight in sun-shining armor.]) But we're not here to talk about that, so I'll stop lmao.

I've gotten a few questions about Killua throughout the years, ranging from people wondering if I hate him (I love him; I have him as a tattoo) or if I'm just not confident writing him (I'm not confident writing anything, ever), and really it's mostly just logistical. I actually would love to do a Killua-centric story one day, but I haven't had time (though I'm constantly trying to figure out how to write more and faster so I can write more fic. I legit have a pretty fleshed out story in my mind featuring Killua Zoldyck x Shouto Todoroki, which sounds WILD, and it is wild, but I also think I could make it work).

When I say logistical, it's like... We can use The Youngest Child as an example. Obviously Killua being absent is one of the main plot points, but if we pretend instead that his parents decided Kalluto was a better heir, the story doesn't change much... Except that I now have another big personality to contend with. Killua is, without exception, a main character. If he's there, he's going to be there, you know? He'd have to have a whole subplot of his own (which I'll touch on more in a second). The Youngest Child would likely be double in length. Maybe even triple, because I'd have to explain him and Gon's relationship from the onset, too. That would take my idea for a novella-length story and turn it into a full on novel. Which is fine, but as previously mentioned... Time. I can either knock out a story with Kalluto, Gon, the Troupe, Illumi, Hisoka, and the Zoldycks (that's already a wild list to write concisely) in ~20k words, or I can add Killua and watch it bloat up to like, 50k at the least.

There's also an element to writing Killua that I'm not sure a lot of people realize is actually a lengthy subject to cover, and that's his responsibility to his family. Even as a side character, there's so much to address. His story ends (both in the manga and in the anime) with him rescuing his sister, running away, and presumably keeping her safe from Zoldyck influence. But what about the other kids? Maybe we can write off Illumi; he's fully grown, and abused Killua deeply enough that Killua could dismiss him as a victim of their upbringing. But what about Milluki, who's openly derided and dismissed by their parents? What about Kalluto, a small costumed doll handed over to a genocidal gang? Is Kalluto not worthy of saving? We know Kalluto loves Killua; we never see Killua think of Kalluto at all. Does that mean Killua doesn't love his other brothers? Does that mean he doesn't think they suffer? Obviously Alluka needed rescued, that's not in question. But any canon-compliant fic that includes Killua has to answer this question (and many of them do not, and I don't blame them): does he care about his family at all?

(The answer, imho, is yes, but Killua is so afraid of his past and his parents and his role as heir that it paralyzes him similar to the ways we saw him paralyzed trying to fight for Gon in the Chimera Arc.)

That's why it's hard to include him in fics. That's honestly probably why Togashi hasn't included him in the manga in 11 years. There're so many loose ends. It's a nightmare to tie up neatly so that other characters and their stories can shine. I mentioned it before, but he's got some of the biggest main character energy of any fictional character ever made (this is a compliment). His capacity for love, violence, humor, poise, intelligence... He's really remarkable. He's going to outshine anyone if he gets involved. Illumi's whole arc in The Longest Job was learning some of the things that Killua's been capable of his whole life. If Killua was there, Illumi probably would have seen even more pathetic than he already was. Which maybe isn't a bad thing, lol.

Anyway. I should write a Killua fic one day. Lemme just finish...uh...man, idek. I have like 6 WIPs at the moment. I'm gonna go lay down.

[crystalelemental]

Plot is actually happening in Class of Heroes. In as much as we're going to get plot.

I've taken on and defeated all the Advanced quests. They were, uh...a mixed bag. Most were really easy, but the Thievery one was bullshit. It's on the same floor as the Advanced Combat one, which was stupid easy we rocked its shit, but then we encountered the Thief who hit everyone for Fear so I couldn't cast, and hits like a truck so we wiped. I was not happy.

I also completed the quest for the Labyrinth. That was. Irritating, if I'm being honest. There's no map, so you rely on spells to make the map appear, which isn't the worst thing. What is the worst thing is that the first labyrinth relies on those pure dark zone tiles where you can't see anything, including your map, but it's actually a maze and the only way to push through is turning on volume and listening to the anime girls screaming about bumping into walls. If it wasn't clear, I disagree with the pure dark zones. The boss was hilarious, though. Big thing pops up, level goddamn 20, I get ready to get blasted to hell. Throw up my Impenetrable Wall team maneuver, get ready to buff and cast all my best shit...and my Celestia girl swung her +5 super hammer that has a max damage threshold of over 200 and we killed it in two hits. It didn't even attack. Despite a rough start, I feel like we've kinda blown past the "I understand but am struggling a bit" straight into "very little seems able to stop me." But, overconfidence got me once before.

They seem to be setting up the Labyrinths as the big focus, and I'm now on my way to get the next key. They're doing this thing that some of the Etrian Odyssey games do that's really funny, where they're like "Wow, you're so good, no one's ever made it this far!" and you're like super early in the game. It's very funny.

Right now my big exploration issue is one of inventory. They do not let me hold enough stuff, man. And the cluttered inventory spaces create major issues, as far as organization. I have gotten some good gear, like the aforementioned hammer, a bow which lets my human mage deal good damage, some funny +8 armors, and a Scrap that I literally cannot identify. No seriously, I must've tried like a hundred times with the Bishop, and no luck. I assume identification relies on your level, and the level 1 Bishop I hired just to appraise stuff couldn't do it. I checked, and it's like 12000 gold to identify it at the shop, so I am assuming it's roughly endgame equipment. Maybe, similar to Etrian Odyssey, bosses drop big stuff when you defeat them.

I haven't yet changed classes, but we're getting close. I wanted to get my characters access to all eight levels of spells before transitioning. We're up to rank 6 spells right now. My intention is to look at shifting everyone to new spell types. I'd like to get some Psionics going, and I might aim to get my Gnome into Summoning. I think those magic circles are for summons? No one can get them to do anything, which implies to me that they're for summoning beasts into this dimension or something. I've seen quite a few, so I'd like to do that. Human will likely go for a Psionics class, and I think my Elf is going to go into Wizardry so she can cast both healing and damaging spells. Not sure on the Celestia one, still deciding. Felpurr is my Thief, and I'll likely push her into more combat-oriented classes, though I am a bit hesitant to do that. We rely so heavily on Thief to crack chests, but there are spells for that too.

Progressing smoothly. I feel like I need to just charge the main story, because most of what I'm encountering is still easily blown away. Apparently, bosses included.

[howtofightwrite]

Hi! Are there certain types of asks you don’t respond to, and/or do you have a huge backlog of them? I sent one in like 3 or 4 months ago and still haven’t seen it come out, so I’m just curious as to what’s going on :) (I’m sorry if you do have guidelines posted anywhere I could not find them)

There are a few topics we won't touch. As a general rule, we're not particularly interested in covering sexual violence, violence on children, child abuse, and animal abuse. That list shouldn't be much of a surprise.

Beyond that, there are a few other things we, generally, won't cover.

The most common are cases where someone wants us to write their fight scene for them. We do offer that as a Patreon perk, but it's not something we're ever likely to do for free here. Off-hand, I think we've gotten about a dozen of those asks this year. The most recent was in the last couple weeks. Now, some of these asks do get public responses, but it's usually in the form of discussing world-building, or because one of us thinks we can get something interesting out of it. The recent “water horse,” question was one of these. So was Professional Monster Removal, now that I think about it. The original ask didn't come through Tumblr, and so I decided to revise it without the prompt. Which, part of why the tone of first couple paragraphs didn't exactly match the rest of the text (if anyone noticed.)

We also can't privately audit your work. At least, not through the ask system. This does come up from time to time when someone will send a sample of their writing (this did happen twice in the last four months.) There's two issues here. One, I wouldn't, so you'd get Michi editing and she is an absolutely merciless editor. The second thing is, there isn't really a way to do that privately in Tumblr. If you did it through Patreon, it would probably be through a shared Google Doc, or via Discord, but if you're in that tier, get in touch, and we can work with you.

I know this isn't relevant to you, but hate mail doesn't generally get a response. This should go without saying, but, I did publicly clown on that Dragon Age fanfiction writer over her attempted death threats a few years back. Similarly most of the misogynistic responses from Women are not Weaker than Men, or any of the subsequent posts, tends to get summarily executed. That stray fan of Shane O'Mara who never really understood his work, tends to get ignored. Though, I haven't seen anything from them in a year or two. Similarly, that guy who wanted me to know that “Space lizards are very important for the economy,” will probably have to wait... forever.

The real problem you're running into is probably because of how our backlog works. It tends to runs in a FILO pattern. That is to say, “first in, last out,” meaning new asks go on the top of the pile, and pushing down earlier questions in the queue. This has more to do with how Tumblr organizes its inbox rather than an intentional decision. For example, if I remember a question from five years ago, and want to answer it, I probably could not find it. I might be able to write up a post without that ask, but I wouldn't be able to notify the original sender (assuming they still use Tumblr.) This is the other reason that the dude who wanted to talk about space lizard economics will have to wait forever, that question was in 2013 or 2014, and there are roughly four-thousand asks burying his inquiry. (As a general rule, the only stuff that actually gets deleted is some of the hate mail.)

Another way to ensure a question won't get answered is to send it to Michi's personal Tumblr blog. There's only 153 in there, but, when answered, they don't get posted to How to Fight Write, and as a result, they're likely to get missed. (To be fair, the most recent ask in her inbox is from April 20, 2021, so that's not you.)

If you're asking about invisible lightsabers, I wouldn't completely give up hope. It wasn't really suitable for a full post, but assuming I can get Tumblr's inbox to cooperate again, it might show up in a batch of questions like the ones earlier this week.

-Starke

This blog is supported through Patreon. Patrons get access to new posts three days early, and direct access to us through Discord. If you’re already a Patron, thank you. If you’d like to support us, please consider becoming a Patron.

[autocrats-in-love]

villain and hero are pretty close now, but villain needs information out of hero and hero refuses to give it so villain jokingly threatens to hurt them (you can choose how) not knowing hero has a bad past. Basically Hero freaks out and villain has to comfort them

🫶🏻🫶🏻

The Ghosts That Haunt Us

Be warned: mentions of implied past abuse

"Absolutely not." The hero huffed, refusing to look at the villain.

"Why?" The villain asked, tilting their head to the side.

They sighed, staring intently at the moon out the window, pulling on a thread of their bathrobe. They were both in the hero's living room. At the hero's apartment. Which the villain had broken into in the middle of the night.

"Because why would I want another criminal on the streets? Rescue your little friend yourself."

"She's not my friend." The villain said. "My superiors just want me to get her out of Hero Agency clutches."

"Well, good luck with that." The hero said wearily. "Can you leave now?"

"Come on. Don't make me interrogate you."

The hero scoffed. "And what were you doing before? Popping in for a chat?"

The villain chuckled. "Pretty much."

"Well, we've chatted. kindly go away and leave me to a fitful sleep."

"I still haven't gotten the information I need."

The hero groaned and rested their head against the cold window. "Please. Get out."

There was some shuffling. The villain was getting closer. The hero was too tired to do anything more than turn around and face their arch nemesis. By the time they did, the hero was right in front of them. The hero gasped. The villain rested their palms on the window sill on either side of the hero. The hero felt their sleepy heart wake up, beating wildly. No, it screamed. The hero felt sweat start to form at the back of their neck. They couldn't move.

"Are you sure you can't tell me?" The villain grinned. "I might have to, you know. . .jog your memory."

The hero's mind was blaring alarm signals. They could only remember a few snippets. Their mind had pushed everything else out. They remembered falling to the floor. They weren't good enough. Then he was close. Too close. How could the hero contribute to society if they couldn't even block a measely punch? Then he proved how weak the hero was, how bad their self defense was, over and over. Always at night, roughly waking the hero from their slumber. Always when the hero was least expecting it. Always getting too close first. The hero felt the tears welling their eyes. They couldn't breathe.

"Get away from me."

They punched the villain in the stomach. The villain gagged and stumbled backwards. They blinked, confused. The hero sunk to their knees. They curled up and started crying. Crying, crying, crying. What use do tears do, they remembered him saying. Either way, the hero was a disappointment. The hero felt a tug at the back of their mind. It was telling them to stop this. To get up, apologize to the villain, and lead them out of their apartment. The hero sobber harder.

After a few minutes, they heard the villain's voice.

"Hey."

"Don't come near me." the hero said shakily.

"I'm not. I just- are you okay? I'm sorry."

Their tone was soft. The hero was having a hard time telling if it was the kind you used on a friend who was hurting or a violent animal who could strike at any moment. It could be both. The hero sniffed, raising their head enough to see the villain. They blinked away the blurriness in their sight. Once they got a clear view of the villain, they relaxed a bit. The villain was in civilian clothes. A shirt and sweatpants. Slip-on sandals. Hair a bit messy. Illuminated by the light of the moon from the window above the hero, they looked harmless. Beautiful, even.

"What happened?" The villain asked.

"I-" the hero looked away.

Their mind turned, trying to figure out how to say it. They wanted so badly to say the word, but their lips were reluctant to let it pass. That just gave him more power. The hero ground their teeth. They couldn't make everything about him

"I have a complicated past." The hero got out.

"Don't we all?" The villain laughed a bit.

The hero gave them a stare that let the villain know this was not the time.

"Sorry. That came out wrong. Do you want to tell me what happened?"

The hero did. But they weren't ready. They focused on the present.

"Someone didn't treat me right, and you just brought back those memories. Fight/flight/freeze response, you know?"

"Oh, wow. I'm so sorry."

The hero gave a weak smile. "Yeah. It's fine."

"Can I come closer?"

The hero nodded. Their heart started beating faster. They liked it. The villain shuffled closer, sitting next to the hero. The hero might have just been exhausted, but they were suddenly a bit dizzy. The villain's shoulder touched theirs. The hero didn't hesitate. They rested their head on it.

"I'm sorry." the villain said.

"I know. You've repeated that a few times." the hero responded.

The villain reached out, gently taking the hero's hand. The hero felt a bit more melted.

"I really want you to know I am. I'm sorry I bothered you like this. I thought it would be funny."

"How?"

"Honestly, I don't remember."

The hero felt a smile tug at their lips. They close their eyes. They were so very tired. They felt themselves drift off, their head falling from the villain's shoulder onto their lap, something covering their body. Lastly, they felt a quick kiss on their cheek. It made them burn bright, brighter than the moon, as the night turned to morning. And, as sunlight hit their closed eyes, all the hero could think was that they wanted another.

[rileythelonelyalien]

BSD Fyodor x sick! GN reader

You open your eyes as you feel your head throb, and your throat is dry. Furrowing your eyebrows, you borrow your head into the abundance of pillows and blankets, clinging to your stuffed animal for comfort. You thought to yourself ‘oh god why must I fall ill now of all times!’ After a short while of sulking, you raise your head feeling extremely dizzy as soon as you make the intention to sit up. A low sigh escapes your lips as you get out of bed and retrieve your laptop off your desk, if you were too ill to attend work in person you will have to firstly call in sick and have to continue to work at home. You had a deadline that your boss had set and you could not afford to miss it. After suffering through a call from your boss reprimanding you for something that was not your fault, you reluctantly open your laptop and load up your work. 

You’ve spent hours in front of the screen typing and making calculations, you scowled to yourself ‘why must people at work be so incompetent I'm practically doing all their work’ you thought. A huff left your lungs as you looked at the time and realised you haven't gotten yourself anything to help with your most horrible of moods. You set your leg out of the bed and made an effort to stand without having your legs give out, using the wall for support you made your way to the kitchen. 

In the hallway you see a familiar figure pass by before stopping and turning to look at you. As you met his eyes, he gave you a curious look ‘I had assumed you would be at work by now’ he hummed to himself. You gave him a weak smile ‘well I'm sure it's obvious but I'm not in the best of health today so I've been working on the bed’ a nervous chuckle followed behind. His eyebrows furrowed slightly as he closed the gap between you ‘Fyodor Wha-’ your question was cut when he put his lips to your forehead. As he pulls away, he quietly states ‘you do seem to be warm, have you taken your temperature?’ You shake your head ‘ah no, I haven't, I've been too busy with trying to do my work I haven't been able to relax yet, in fact this is the first time I’ve gotten out of bed’ you explained yourself to your beloved. You hear a sigh come from him as he moves in once again and proceeds to pick you up ‘well seems like your priorities are misplaced, you must stay in bed I'll be here if you require anything, you do know that yes?’ 

With that he carried you back to your shared bed where your laptop lies, your work deadlines taunting you. He proceeds to take your laptop ‘and this is where our problem lies, you must not overexert your body when you are in such condition, моя любовь I shall bring you some medicine and a meal to bring your strength back’ He disappeared away into the house you both abided in. His scent still lingering, it soothed you. Not too long since then you hear his soft footsteps approach the room. You hear the door creak open and you emerge from yourself made cocoon of blankets. An amused smile graces his face ‘are you comfortable моя любовь?’  Being in such a weak condition all you could do is smile softly and hum in agreement. Fyodor sets the medicine down on your bedside table and he carefully sits down on the bed cautious not to accidentally crush your legs. You bring yourself to sit up so that you could face him properly ‘I have your medicine here, please take it ‘he states as you look to the bedside table and take the medicine in hand as you pour yourself some onto a spoon and swallow. A look of disgust tugs at your face, he smiles amused by your reaction, you quickly reach out to the glass of water and guzzle it down in an attempt to rid of such a horrid taste off your palette. ‘Ugh I hate being ill, everything just seems to be against me’ you complain as you let your body go limp and sink into the blankets underneath.

A soft chuckle escaped his lips and he states ‘Even when your body is being tantalised by the unseeable, you still hold such an ethereal glow’ Although your face was already warm thanks to your fever you could feel your skin tingle as your face got even warmer. He couldn't help but smile as he saw your reaction to his words. You continue to lay in your bundle of blankets and pillows, without warning Fyodor asserts himself next to you on your shared bed ‘my matters can wait for a small while, it would be cruel if i were to leave you all on your lonesome’ a ghost of a smile graces his lips as he awaits you to accept his embrace. 

You revel in his rare show of compassion and further lean into his body. The slow rhythm of his breathing and the beat of his heart soothed you, lulling you to go to sleep. Before you lose your conscience entirely you manage to half mumble out ‘I love you Fyodor, thank you for taking care about be’ you smile as you finish your sentence and proceed to drift off into the land of sleep. Unbeknownst to you Fyodor had heard what you had mumbled and now he lays staring at your face now snugly against his chest. A small sigh escapes him as he realises just how much he is infatuated with you, no one shall come to harm even if it costs him the world. Nothing will stand in his way, No one will be able to taint your purity, no one will corrupt you with sin. Soon after he had finished his internal monologue and determined where his plans shall lead to next, he had fallen asleep too, in your comfort he has found solace.

AN: lol sorry that this suddenly different from my different posts, also I know this Fyodor is super ooc but I wrote it ages ago back in May and I thought I would post it I have some other works as well related to this character but I don't know I ill post them just yet. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this soft(ish?) fic lol!! :)))

[lisxdumbr]

Yeah lately things have been pretty weird with how HappyEle has been doing things and it's like... hmmm. I assume they have a plan and a reason for why they're doing this. But they have also been/are making things easier for us with the way they're handling the events.

We get 50 whistles for each climax event, which I do understand and it makes sense since, well, 100 whistles is usually given for special celebrations/campaigns. And when it comes to the climax events that are supposed to be really important, it makes sense that they're gonna put them all on equal grounds rather than some getting 100 whistles while others get the usual no whistles. And maybe 50 whistles might not seem much, but damn, they will really help and make grinding a little easier and cheaper.

Not to mention that supposedly the album announcements will coincide with the climax events like Crazy:B album does with their climax right now. Personally I am still suspicious of that theory, so we'll have to see if it holds up in the future. Though considering the album *does* contain the climax event song, it's very likely that the theory will hold up. Which will also make things easier for the players since, if they are going to announce a new album every broadcast, it will (in most cases) give a bigger timeframe on knowing what event is coming than the timeframe of a tsukisuta guest announcement. Which means more time to prepare and grind dia. It will keep (f2p) people from pulling on gachas bc they know what event is coming.

No anni cards makes it easier too because nobody will spend dia on it because they simply don't exist.

Extra memorial coins though? I think that's just to give players more of a chance to get the cards they want because it's been some time and theh probably estimated that people are more likely to grind a lot for the climax events, so they want to reward that. Probably also to give potential new players a boost as well since we seem to be at peak enstars or smth.

So??? What *is* HappyEle doing here. Whistles, album, no anni cards. It's all very strange. They're being awfully kind here. Are they swimming in money this much that they can afford to be nice? That they can afford to continue making the reminiscence anime adaptations as well? All without repercussions? It just seems a little too good to be true, all of this. I also don't think they're gonna end the game just yet, but all this generosity makes me very suspicious of their intentions.

As for the climax events themselves? To me they always seemed like they were going to be the events that will give every unit TRUE development. The development that's needed to keep the story going and have new options open up for the writers. Like idk if it's just me and my Trickstar tunnelvision, but it feels like we have gotten nowhere lately in terms of development and story. Of course we have had Yuta's hairstyle change and we have had Ryuseitai's change, but what has really happened?? We continued the godfather plot, but where are they actually going with that now? Speaking as a TrickstarP, what the fuck is going to happen to them. They haven't really done much either, there's been some things dropping, but nothing that really brought them to a changing point. And it's been for a lot of characters that way, dropping some things here and there, but never tying up the loose ends. We have had Obbligato, but there's still a lot more that they can do with it, will they do anything with Kaname? Who knows!

I guess one thing they finally addressed though was Makoto with Portrait. You know, after 7 years. But still, there's a lot more to just conclude or reveal than just Makoto's trauma. And speaking of Portrait! It's been 7 months since then. It's been 7 months since our first and only look back scout. The scouts that were supposed to happen periodically like circle scouts. Well I have yet to see it!

Though I would assume that they are cooking up those look back scouts as much as they are cooking up those climax events... I hope...

But you know what worries me? All of these climax events are going to be this rotation. I worry that there's going to be sooo much happening so shortly after another that everyone is going to explode with information. You could say that the SS was also a lot, but those were 8 events, climax is going to be EVERY unit which is 14 fricking events. 14.

Everything has been so weird lately and I trust HappyEle is just cooking a 14 course meal for us, but part of me just wonders what the actual plan is.

.

[lilred8220]

Well, yet another fic no one asked for😃

I wanted to write this because some time go, I was watching the fireworks when this song started to play↓↓↓

And I just thought how romantic it would be if I wasn't forever alone 🙃 so, I build a story around that. I hope you enjoy it!

P.s. This is a F!MC

--

I had been so excited for this day! In the human realm, my hometown this time of year had a huge festival ending with a huge firework show. I had asked to go a week in advance but due to being in the Devildom for the exchange program, I couldn't go. It definitely was a disappointment. However Diavolo, seeing me upset and now curious about the tradition, asked all about it and he thought it sounded fun. Thanks to him always wanting to do anything new, he immediately decided to do the same here in the Devildom.

So through the long week, he asked about everything we would do at the event to make it much more fun and quickly get everything ready to make this last second festival. It somehow all came together and it feels almost exactly like the festival from the human realm. The food, sweets and all! Now it was the time to enjoy the festival!

The brothers couldn't understand why I was so excited for this. Though we all went to festivals and saw fireworks, It was just something that I would always look forward to this time of the year and it's just more special this time around. It kinda feels as if I'm sharing something that I love with everyone I care about in a place where I like to call my new home. Hopefully they'll come to enjoy this as much as I do.

"So, this is called an Elephant ear?“ Beel asked, drooling at the large fried sweet in front of him.

I laugh, as I grab a piece before he can scarf the treat whole, "Yeah, it's just fried dough with powdered sugar on it. They usually sell these at any carnival or festival." I pop the elephant ear in my mouth, savoring the amazing taste.

The brothers each had something to eat as we took a break from all the festival games littered around. We all take two picnic benches for the 8 of us, well, us and Beel's giant pile of food he got. Everyone had won something from the games…well everyone but me and Mammon. Mammon was determined to win a game, yet his luck seemed to be the worse for wear today and all the games we'd gone to all ended up with one of the other brothers winning the game. My luck honestly wasn't any better due to playing the same games that the others had won.

"I'm telling ya! Those games are rigged! The people runnin 'em are just a bunch of con artists!“ Mammon yells, clearly frustrated that he hasn't gotten anything.

"Or maybe you just suck lol" Levi says, holding a Ruri-chan plush to his chest.

"Honestly, you really shouldn't be surprised, you were pretty terrible at all those games since you had no choice but to play fair." Satan adds on, which all the brothers nod in agreement.

Asmo laughs, "Well, what do you expect from a scumbag?"

I start to get annoyed as the brothers all start to bash on Mammon. He seems fine on the surface but I've been around him long enough, with him basically living in my room and all, to see all his little ticks. Like when he's excited, his hand gestures are more dramatic, to emphasize his point or how his eyes light up when something catches his attention, like something to make a quick buck. However, right now, with the way his mouth slightly twitches and his hand shoved into his pockets, he's upset. He really only does this when the brothers throw insult after insult at him, like right now.

I sigh as they continue their assault on him. But an idea comes to mind and it'll be easy enough to pull off.

"Does...that all that stuff apply to me too? Since I didn't win anything either, after all..." I say, putting on my best pouting face and looking down at the ground.

Immediately, the brothers started to panic, trying to reassure me that it wasn't true, successfully drawing their attention away from Mammon. I slightly looked up, passed the frantic brothers to lock eyes with Mammon. He stood there for a moment, a bit confused by my sudden comment. I flash him a quick smirk before looking up at the brothers, accepting their apologies. The brothers seemed to relax and drop the topic after that, returning to the food they have. Mammon, who had seemingly understood what my intentions really were, looked at me, with his face slightly flushed, then stared down at his food.

In Mammon's mind, he honestly doesn't know what force sent Y/N here but, she is honestly the best thing that has ever happened to him. At first, he hated the idea of being her guardian due to all of the extra work he was given. But, as days turned to weeks, her treatment towards him was nothing but sweet and loving. It honestly was a huge adjustment for him, since everyone treated him like scum or useless, having her place so much faith in him, even defending him and doing little gestures like this, it makes his head spin. He honestly couldn't pinpoint when it happened, but, his feelings for her drastically changed, he couldn't deny it now, how he longed for her, wanted her all to himself. How he loved her unconditionally.

I smile, quickly finish eating my food then stand up, "Ok! Time to get back to the games!“ I say, excitedly.

"Y/N, I'm glad you are excited but some of us still need to eat." Lucifer says, glancing at Beel and his mountain of food.

"Awww, come on Lucifer, I wanna try to win something before the fireworks start." I plop down again, putting my chin in my hands.

"Well, I'm sure we'll have plenty of time." Lucifer tries to cheer me up, eating some fries.

Mammon looks up at Y/N, upon seeing her upset. He honestly hated seeing Y/N upset, even if for something so small as to wait for everyone to finish eating. He wanted nothing more than to see her smile everyday, it honestly was one of his favorite parts of the day to see her smile so sweetly. He'll do anything to make her happy. He sits up and scarfs down his food before standing up. "Ok, how 'bout this,' ' Mammon gets up and walks over to me, ' ' since I haven't won anythin', I'm gonna go play some more games and I'll meet ya guys later. Y/N, ya can come if ya want to." Mammon starts to walk away, at a slower pace than he usually would.

"Yeah! Ok!" Before any of the other brothers could protest, I quickly got up and hurried over to Mammon. I can hear the brothers stumbling to get up to follow us.

"Hey! Mammon is stealing Y/N!"

"That's not fair!“

"That scumbag..."

I hear some of the things they're saying as they seem to be trying to catch up.

I grab Mammon's hand and start to make a run for it. "Come on!" I glanced back at Mammon, who seemed shocked. He looks back to see the brothers in hot pursuit of us. Getting the hint, Mammon picks up the pace. We high tail it out of there, laughing like a bunch of kids all the while.

--

Me and Mammon finally stop and I flop on the floor, trying to catch my breath as Mammon puts his hands on his knees.

"I…I think we lost 'em" Mammon pants, out of breath from running around.

"I…I think so…jeez, how…how do you always do this when you get in trouble?“ I wheeze out, my human body not used to running as much as a demon. Especially if that demon is Mammon.

Mammon straightens up, finally catching his breath, "Well, I'm not usually running from ALL of my brothers, just Lucifer mostly."

Mammon reaches his hand to me and after a moment, I let him help me up. He helps me to my feet and when I look up, his face is very close to mine. We stare at each other for a moment before both of our faces turn more flushed than we already were.

His bright blue eyes that have a hint of that golden yellow has me in a trance. When I first met Mammon, it was the first thing that drew my attention, it's honestly something that I always find myself staring at all of the time. They are very beautiful to me and never fail to make me feel relaxed when I see them. But not only that, he is a very handsome man. His rich caramel skin with his pure white hair makes his face stand out even more. He is just so captivating to look at, however his personality is what truly makes him shine. Even if he tries, and fails, to hide his true feelings, he always has his heart on his sleeve, rather if he realizes that or not. He tries so hard to help me or to even make my day brighter when I'm not feeling my best. He even tries to protect his brothers and is always there for them. He honestly is the most caring person I've ever met and I can't help but fall for him because of that.

Mammon looked down at her face, he honestly couldn't help but stare. In his mind, she was more beautiful than anyone he's ever seen. Her beauty not only stopped at her looks but the person she was. She was a true wonder to him, too good to be true yet, here she was, defying all logic. All he wanted to do was look at every detail of her face, her eyes as they shine, her soft skin as the blush covers her face, her parted lips as her breath finally slows down. Mammon was the first to turn away, catching himself now staring at nothing but her lips.

He clears his throat. "W-Well since we're here, let's get to some games!" Mammon says, his fangs flash with his grin.

We made our way to the nearest game booth, both of us looking at the various prizes. The booth in question is a simple ring toss, the bottles are organized by colors which show what size prize you can get. There are the ridiculously large stuffed bears that are taller than me to the very small animal plushies. Scanning all the prizes, one catches my attention, a black plush crow with a yellow tag on it. It was big enough to hold in your arms, it's wings dangled at its sides. It had its beak opened slightly to look like a smile. I glance over at Mammon, who is currently eyeing a plushie of a grimm, that also has a yellow tag hanging off of it. I laugh, thinking of how that plush crow reminded me of him.

Mammon looks at me, slightly confused, "What are ya laughing at?"

"Oh nothing, though I know what prize I want." I smile, looking back at the crow plush.

Mammon follows my eyes over to the plush, he tilts his head at my choice, "Ya sure that's what ya want? There are plenty of things better than that ol' crow."

I nod enthusiastically, "Yeah, I think it's cute, like someone else I know." I playfully push him.

His ears turn a dark red but he laughs, "Well, I know what I want so, let's go and win some prizes!“

We pay the demon running the game and start trying to make the rings reach its mark. However, as in most carnaval games, the rings in question are only slightly bigger than the top of the bottles, making it much harder to win. Not to mention the bottles for the better prizes are further back, making it much harder. As we try a couple times, we don't get much luck and we're running out of grimms to play. However as we reach our last game, even though I end up with nothing, Mammon manages to sink a ring on a yellow bottle.

"We have a winner!“ the demon behind the booth says, walking over to grab the ring.

"Yeah! This was nothin' for the Great Mammon!" Mammon threw his hands in the air, and I cheered with him, "You did it! You won!“

The demon walks back over to us, "Alrighty, you can pick a prize with a yellow tag. Which will it be?"

Mammon's eyes flick to the plush he was eyeing earlier and he goes to speak, but an announcement rings through the speakers all around the festival, "The firework show will be starting in 15 minutes, marking the end of the festival! So hurry and grab a seat to enjoy the show!“ a cheery voice says before the music from before starts to play again. Mammon looks down at me for a moment before a small smile appears on his face.

Mammon looks at the demon and points at the plush crow, "I'll take that one."

I look up at Mammon, "But, I thought you wanted-“ I get cut off by the demon swift return, "Here you go." The demon hands him the crow plush.

Mammon takes the plush from the demon with his usual bright smile and starts walking off, I quickly follow, still confused. Once I catch up, he looks at me with a blush on his face and holds out the crow to me.

"W-well, there wasn't really anythin' I wanted, so I figured I'd get this ol' crow since ya seemed to want it so bad." He says with his usual bravado, yet it was a bit more shy than normal.

"But, you said…" I start to say as I take the plush but, cut my thought short.

Even though I know he wanted something, that much he's been saying all day, he still got me this crow plush. Knowing how he struggles to do these things and becoming a stuttering mess when it's pointed out, I choose to not question him. Yet, I can't help but love him even more, him knowing that I wanted something as well and that he'll be going back home later with nothing. I'll have to repay him later but for now, I'll just enjoy the rest of the festival with him.

I shake my head and give him a smile, one that shows how much I truly appreciate and love him, "Thank you so much, Mammon." I hold the crow close to myself.

Mammon feels all the air in his lungs escape him. Y/N's smile, the sparkle of joy and something more…intimate in her eyes. Honestly, for a split second, he found himself jealous of that crow, seeing Y/N holding it so lovingly. He wanted, no, needed to show her how much he loves her. If not tonight, it'll drive him insane.

--

After looking a bit, me and Mammon found a perfect spot to watch the fireworks. We sat on a hill that was a bit further away from the festival and luckily, we could still hear the music playing from one of the speakers nearby. We sat in a comfortable silence, waiting for the fireworks to begin. Which based on the amount of time it took to find this isolated spot, it should start at any moment.

Mammon is resting his arms on his knees as I sit with my legs crossed, the plush crow close to my chest. I watch all the demons in the distance hurrying to find a spot to watch the show as well. Thankfully, none of them seem to look in this direction. So right now, it's just us, alone.

After a few moments, Mammon looks over at me and shyly starts to speak, "H-hey, Y/N?"

I look back at Mammon, noticing his face slowly forming a blush, "Yes?"

"I…I wanted to tell ya-" Mammon gets cut off by the first firework going off.

We slightly jump, but my eyes widen as the firework show starts, "It's starting!"

I watch as the firework starts to make the usual dark Devildom sky shine bright with many different colors. All the while, a familiar song starts to play on the speakers, making this a moment that I want to treasure always. It was a song from the human realm and it was a song that made this moment feel more intimate. I honestly couldn't ask for a better day, I got to go to the festival with all my favorite people and I even had, dare I say it, a wonderful date with Mammon. The thought of going on a date with Mammon makes my cheeks burn but I truly wish that this day would never end.

Mammon's heart starts to pound in his chest, his gaze never leaving Y/N. He watches as her eyes glow with wonder, watching the fireworks as if it were the first time. She never looked more beautiful, more perfect than right now. If he was ever gonna make his move, it had to be now. Mammon opened his mouth to speak but he couldn't find it in himself to break her trance. However, his greed for her attention, her voice, her touch, for nothing but her, was growing. So, he closes his mouth and takes a deep breath. He leans closer to her as his shaky hand gently touches her cheek to turn her face towards him.

When I suddenly feel a light touch on my face, I snap back to reality. Before I can react, I feel my face being turned and suddenly, Mammon leans in, his eyes close and gently presses his lips on mine, like he's afraid that I'll break. My eyes widen, taking a moment to realize what is happening. Mammon, feeling me not move, starts to move away, most likely worried he did something wrong. But, not wanting to lose the moment, I quickly filled in the space he left, pressing my lips a bit harder than he did. Mammon tenses at my sudden movement but quickly melts into the kiss, holding my face with his hands. I place the plush to the side, momentarily forgotten, I place my hands on his chest for support.

The air stills, the world around us starts to disappear. The only thing to keep us from forgetting the world completely is the sound of fireworks and the song playing so sweetly.

I snake my arms around Mammon's neck, then he takes the chance to pull me in closer by my waist, closing the gap between us. Even though he was nervous at first, he seems to have relaxed, even nips at my bottom lip, causing me to gasp. He swiftly slips his tongue in my mouth, tangling it with mine, deepening the kiss. We held each other close, like we were afraid that the other would vanish.

Needing to breathe, we lean away slightly. I'm not sure when it happened, but I managed to end up on Mammon's lap. Mammon seems to also realize the position we're in and his breath hitches.

His hand comes up and holds my face, "I love ya, Y/N."

My heart flutters and I lean into his touch, "I love you too, Mammon. I…I always have."

"Y/N, I care about ya so much and I…I don't want anyone else trying to steal my most precious treasure from me. The thought of it kills me, because I'm yer first man." Mammon stops, becoming more shy, "I w-want ya to be mine and…I'll be yers…if ya want me."

I feel as though all of the butterflies in my stomach would explode out of me. I can't stop the big smile that appears on my face, "Mammon," I hold his face in my hands, "no one could ever take me away. And not only that but…" I bite my lip, feeling a bit bashful, "You already have me. Now and forever."

If Mammon could, his eyes would have hearts in them. He looked at me with such lovestruck eyes, his face is probably the most peaceful expression I've ever seen. I look back at him in awe, honestly have never seen him so happy, like he's on cloud nine.

A smile is plastered on his face, "I promise that I will be with ya till the end of time. I gotta be the luckiest demon in the whole festival, no, the Devildom. But, I guess I did win something at the festival after all." His smile suddenly turns into a smirk, "What do ya say we go somewhere more private and we can continue…this?"

My face turns red, but I nod. We stand up, I grab my plushie so that we can leave when I suddenly hear someone, or rather, some people, running this way.

"MAMMON!"

We spin around, both of us knowing too well who that voice belongs to. Lucifer and the rest of the brothers are running at full sprint in our direction.

"Oh shit!" Mammon yells out, quickly sweeping me off my feet, making a run for it.

Startled, I grabbed on to Mammon's jacket, making sure to not drop my crow plush, "Ah! M-Mammon!“

He looks down at me, " Well, I might get strung up later, but I'm yer man now. I want ya all to myself and I don't know about ya, but I'm not ready for tonight to end." He flashes his signature smile.

I can't help but laugh, as we make yet another escape from the brothers. This is truly the best day I could have asked for.

[fluidfox123]

Follow up rambles from this amazing post about Raph's plurality you should totally read if you want to. I would also like to thank the Constellation System (@december-rains) for giving me feedback on my grammar usage that I kinda messed up on and helping me with figuring out some information I couldn't decide on! You guys should totally check lune out!

Also, once again, please don’t screenshot/repost this post without my permission. I know it’s “only headcanons” but I would rather you ask before doing so. Also you can reblog since that’s not reposting.

Updated info:

Origin: Traumagenic and Protogenic (Mixed Origin System)

Savage is also Trauma-Locked (see the last post for the rest of his roles/identities, linked above)

---

Headcanons:

- Red is reckless and hard-headed. He's usually the one who does dangerous stunts for fun and gets angry the quickest. Even though he's pretty blunt as well, the guy is still pretty hard set in getting the rest of the system and turtle brothers through difficult times. An example of this is when Raph's brothers continued to eat poison despite it being, well, poison and fought with Raph over babying them or them learning to actually solve things by themselves. Red wasn't trying to say that they shouldn't ask for help in any sort of way, but he wanted nothing more than Leo, Donnie, and Mikey to learn how to do things without depending on Raph so much or just continuing to be irresponsible. It's unbelievable for Red that they won't even go out on missions a lot of the time despite them all collectively agreeing to be heroes. - Red is a foodie and has more than once ate so much food that their body suffered major stomach aches and gotten really sick. Mind scolds him each and every time. - Raph watches spy/action movies frequently ever since Red introduced them to him when he was younger. Sometimes rolling around and pretending to point a gun everywhere when on missions/patrols. All his brothers tease him for it. - Red and Raph sometimes co-front whether intentional or not. This causes them to be unsure of who is fronting or/and blur together. This often happens when Red decides to be involved with Raph's brothers without Raph leaving or because the body is in danger and he needs to quickly move them out of the way, only taking enough control to only move the body and protect it. Only on rare occasions do they co-front for long periods of time, especially since it is still fragile for them, and if it's focused on too much one will be forced back. - Red's voice is a lot rougher and a bit deeper than Raph's, despite the two being harder to discern from one another compared to everyone else in the system. - Mind practically lives in their inner world and it's rare for him to ever front unless it's to take care of the body, comfort someone who is fronting (usually by co-fronting and for example comfortingly rubbing the bodies arm), they've been forced to front (Red and Raph have been forced away/other reasons), or because they were positively triggered by something in the outside world that causes them to front (Like the strong smell of cinnamon or song Mind may love). - Mind is a very calm person, everything about them is practically soothing. They usually are the one everyone goes to for advice and comfort because it's something they radiate constantly. They're pretty peaceful but could practically kill you with their stare of disapproval when something bugs them. They're not very blunt, liking to think things through and adjust to the person they're around and talking to, making sure that they say what they know will get through to them or that Mind's presence isn't bothersome. Plus, they're practically the Mom friend but actually takes care of you like a soft-spoken mother. His ideas may not be the best but he tries his best to help everyone in the system and helps Raph with the people on the outside when he's having trouble. - Mind has a thing for bubbles. He loves the way they pop, make little soapy rainbows, and how much of a mess it makes after you've blown a whole bottle. In the outside world, Mind will practically jump to the front to blow some bubbles if offered. In the Inner World Mind's Station has bubbles floating around it constantly. - Mind might not be the best singer when it comes to anything fast or really upbeat, but slow and lullaby-like songs are his thing for sure. Mind has distinct memories of Splinter singing to the turtles when they were younger and learned it to help Raph and Savage when they're scared, upset, or unable to sleep. Mikey once asked if he and Splinter could do a lullaby duet. They said they would, but they haven't yet. Everyone wants nothing more than to hear it so they're all waiting for the day that two of the best lullaby singers put on a show. - Mind's blue eyes glow dimly,

making them a bit otherworldly than everyone else. His voice is pretty feminine, quiet, slow, and soft. He speaks the most formally out of everyone besides Donnie. - Mind likes to braid their mask tails from time to time. Red always compliments the look when he sees it. - Mind keeps track of everything within the inner world by using a very large computer. Using files and keywords in a search system to organize and find information easily. - Savage is someone who hates fronting. Practically avoids it at any cost and the only time he does front is when he's forced to, and it's always forced. He's emotional, most of the time non-verbal, and the most untrusting of everyone else out of everyone in the system. He hates the world outside just as much as he does the Inner world if not more and he wants nothing but for the outside world to never exist in the first place. - Savage is 6 years old, the youngest out of the system. - Savage is pretty silent and only speaks when he's distressed or so angry that he's on a warpath. He might be seen as the stereotype for the "evil alter" for systems, but he's not. He's far from it, in fact, and never intended to reinforce something so hurtful. He's simply a little kid who's forced to front when Raph's left alone for too long, and the pain and loneliness of being the worst feeling in the world. Even if he is the only one who can take it. But, despite his loathing for existence, he's a sweet kid. He loves strange animals, rock candy, and climbing things. He has fluffy pillows and likes the piece of brown cloth always wrapped around him, it comforts him and it's his own personal little blankly for wherever he goes. - Mind is the one who takes care of Savage, constantly giving him first aid for his climbing accidents, bathing him after he's dirty from his cuts, and playing in the sand/dirt in the Inner World. Mind is the only one Savage somewhat trusts out of the whole 2 worlds, and the only one he can even think to feel safe with. - Savage loves animal crackers. - The little Snapping turtle has neon bandaids constantly littering his skin other than bandages and bruises. He has no pupils and has gotten the nickname white eyes for that reason, it being the only nickname he'll allow people to call him other than his name. - Savage is the one out of everyone in the system that looks closest to a dinosaur. - He likes hanging from branches with his tail and digging pointless holes with his claws. - It's canon that Raph has a peanut allergy (Mascot Melee), but I feel like he's also allergic to Pineapple. - Mind pitched the idea when the body was a pre-teen to wear bracelets so everyone on the outside knew who was there, even if Red and Raph are the ones always present. Red wears a red thread bracelet similar to this:

Mind wears a blue, white, and turquoise bracelet that looks similar to this:

Raph usually doesn't wear one, but when he isn't fronting for an unusual amount of time, anyone else being the host would wear a bracelet to show Raph is co-fronting/co-conscious with them. The bracelet being a pink, yellow, and white mini rubber band bracelet Mikey made for him when he told him about Mind's idea:

And, even though Savage doesn't front, Mind made sure to include him by having a neon lime green triple rope bracelet:

---

That should be it for now! That's mostly the information for their system other than their Inner World, but I haven't really made anything for that yet, so I guess I'll make a third post for that eventually! Thank you for getting to this point! It really means a lot! Asks are open if ya'll wanna send one in about any of this!

[loveisneurotic]

Kaguya-sama Blind Reaction/Analysis: S1E1

Hello everyone, this is my blog which I am currently using to react to and analyze Kaguya-sama: Love Is War much more seriously than I should analyze any romcom.

I have only seen the first episode of the anime, which this post shall explore using far too many words. If I'm feeling particularly motivated, I may read the manga as well.

My analysis will contain spoilers. If you're thinking of watching this show and haven't seen it yet, I recommend you at least go check out the first episode yourself before reading any further. I don't know what the rest of the show is like, but what I've seen so far has been both entertaining and thought-provoking.

I'm going in mostly blind, but not entirely blind. There are a few images of the anime and manga that I have been exposed to, although without the attached context. Due to cultural osmosis and the sheer popularity of this work, perhaps that was almost inevitable.

Figure 1.1.1: Why did this guy write an essay about a single episode of an ongoing romcom?

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War

Season 1 Episode 1

I Will Make You Invite Me to a Movie / Kaguya Wants to Be Stopped / Kaguya Wants It

Power dynamics in relationships

Figure 1.1.2: Immediately, the mangaka's tastes become clear.

I heard a saying once that really stuck with me: "The partner who cares the least has all of the power."

In the world of dating, I often sincerely believed this saying. You may yearn for someone's affection, but the other person need not give it to you until they are willing and ready. No matter how much you want it, you can't make someone more interested in you, unless you resort to being roundabout, such as adding some mystery and intrigue to your courtship. But is that excessive?

I once felt a potential lover slipping through my grasp, and before I knew it, I found myself chasing after them. As I was yearning for their attention, I felt as if I'd lost my dignity. It was humiliating. Painful. Was it just that they weren't the right person for me? Or was I not funny enough? Not charismatic enough? Not interesting enough? Too clingy? Too talkative? Should I have been more distant and given them more space? Did I seem too weak? Too eager? How should I have maximized my desirability? Regardless, I had surely lost. Perhaps they wanted the satisfaction and validation of conquering me. Playing me for a fool and asserting their superiority by being so distant. Isn't that right? Or is that just insecurity speaking? At what point is it ideal to cut one's losses and walk away?

If someone desperately wants the object of their affection to desire them, does that make them pathetic? Does it make them a loser? If you show more vulnerability and desire than the other person, does that truly make you the weak one in a relationship?

These questions plague our two protagonists and seem to be a driving force behind the main conflict. Since I have also grappled with how much to reveal my own feelings of desire, I find Kaguya-sama: Love Is War to be a particularly fascinating show.

Desire without action

Figure 1.1.3: Our protagonists are gifted with impressively high academic intelligence paired with impressively low emotional intelligence.

The show wastes no time in introducing us to our two main protagonists. Kaguya was born into a family of high stature (and says "ara ara" frequently enough to power a small country of weebs), whereas Shirogane is a "commoner" (Kaguya's word, not mine) who worked hard to reach the pinnacle of the student body. Like timid schoolchildren, they're crushing on each other, and yet they refuse to admit it due to their pride. Instead, they focus on getting their "opponent" to confess their love first.

What stuck out to me immediately is how they both have different ideas of what their relationship would be like. Shirogane envisions Kaguya as blushing, shy, and conventionally cute, whereas Kaguya (thankfully) envisions herself taking absolute dominance over Shirogane (which plenty of people should see coming as a character trait after the anime's very first scene). The bad news about this is that their two fantasies are at odds. The good news about this is that the mangaka has fantastic taste -- you can learn a lot about a storyteller based on the characterization of a love interest or lead character of the author's preferred gender.

In the event that the two of them become an actual couple, I wonder how on Earth they'll reach a compromise as to how they'll treat each other. Perhaps they will have to figure that out before they can even get that intimate.

I appreciate that we get to see both of their perspectives. It hammers home how everyone has a different truth in regards to what they desire and what they experience, and the show does not hold back when it comes to showing just how different these truths can be -- such as a certain lunch-themed sequence that I will talk about later. This works to great dramatic and comedic effect.

That said, when you spend your time fantasizing about what could happen instead of actually taking action, time is not so friendly to you.

Half a year passes.

Figure 1.1.4: Two geniuses dedicate their pride to wasting their life and energy.

Immediately, I got the impression that whoever wrote this segment of the story knows what they're doing. This is too real. And by "too real", I mean I very much appreciate the realism. How many of us have waited for ages (or for eternity) to confess our feelings to a specific someone?

This is the curse of having a crush and being incapable of acting on it. It's also why I hate having crushes.

Manufacturing affection in others, AKA the extraction of vulnerability

Figure 1.1.5: A plan is devised to weaponize jealousy in the name of affection.

To express your truest feelings means being vulnerable. That implies taking a risk and feeling responsible for any potential consequences of rejection, as well as putting our dignity on the line. It would be so much easier for the object of our affection to make themselves vulnerable instead. So instead of being direct and honest, we act indirect. We drop hints. We act suggestively, but not explicitly. We may even place them in situations where we think they are more likely to confess. If they don't pick up on it, we can pretend we didn't mean anything by it. That way, we don't have to risk our dignity. We can just wait for them to make the move.

It sucks.

Incidentally, it sucks even more when both you and your love interest are thinking that way.

It sucks infinitely more when both you and your love interest are COMMITTED to thinking that way.

Someone has to break the deadlock, whether that's immediately or eventually.

If this show isn't one of those romcoms where the status quo never changes ever (judging by the quality of writing, I have faith that it isn't), then at some point, either Shirogane or Kaguya is going to have to be explicit about how they really feel. And it's going to feel scarier to them than anything else they've ever done.

It's gonna be great.

If we could all grow up and live in environments where it's safe and encouraged for all of us to be honest about how we feel and what we want, surely love would be much less painful for so many people.

Chaos theory

Figure 1.1.6: If your prospective lover won't protect you, then your friend definitely will.

Chika is the ideal wild card and agent of chaos in this arena of love.

From a writing perspective, Chika is immensely useful. The mangaka probably could have gotten by without a third character in the mix, but she serves as a catalyst and an unknown element, able to create unpredictability and subversion of expectations. For a comedy-oriented story, this is invaluable.

Blissfully unaware of the mental turmoil that plagues our two lovesick dorks, she is able to unintentionally invalidate whatever schemes that Kaguya or Shirogane spent so much mental energy on, which adds extra comedy and tension for the audience. She is also an effective vehicle for Kaguya's jealousy and projection, as seen in the lunchbox scene which I have so graciously foreshadowed.

Figure 1.1.7: We have confirmed visual on an unidentified fourth person. Chekhov would love this. From their posture, I wonder if they'll be a gloomy character?

Misunderstandings and assumptions

I've heard that most interpersonal conflicts in life emerge from misunderstandings. In the absence of communication, assumptions are born and give rise to misunderstandings.

You may know where I'm going with this. Let's talk about the lunchbox sequence.

Figure 1.1.8 (not pictured because tumblr wishes to deny me of my image spam): Kaguya is too prideful to admit she thinks that a couple is doing something cute.

Figure 1.1.9: Pride is considered a sin for a reason.

From a writing perspective, I was impressed by the lack of romantic intentions in Shirogane in this whole sequence. Not once did he try to get Kaguya to show vulnerability to him. Instead, Kaguya is the only one spinning the situation in a romantic way, while Shirogane's driving force is the misunderstanding that Kaguya is looking down on him for what he eats. Because of this misunderstanding, Shirogane doubles down and makes his food even better, making the situation even more complicated and more stressful for Kaguya. This was definitely my favorite comedy sequence from the first episode.

I appreciate that the show has demonstrated the ability to create these scenarios where one of the characters doesn't even have love on their mind, but there are still romantic thoughts coming from the other character which drives the drama. It gives me a lot of faith in the variety this show will have to offer, and makes me excited to watch more.

When it comes to comedy rooted in misunderstandings, it is important to have miscommunication or lack of communication. In order to resolve a misunderstanding, you need to talk about it. For a pairing as dysfunctional as Kaguya and Shirogane, expecting healthy communication sounds highly unreasonable, which makes them prime material for a whole world of misunderstandings.

Misunderstandings are rooted in assumptions about what the other person meant when they said something or made a certain gesture or expression. When Kaguya glared at Shirogane and his food, he didn't even think to ask "What's the matter?" He just made an assumption about how she felt. I wonder if trying to understand Kaguya's feelings would be considered a sign of weakness by Shirogane?

A prerequisite to initiating an emotional conversation is the desire to understand or be understood by the other person -- assuming that your assumptions haven't already built a narrative for you. It is far easier to make assumptions than it is to attempt any sort of understanding.

In the end, Shirogane fled, unwilling to confront or attempt to understand the intense and passive-aggressive Kaguya. Kaguya feels that she cannot directly ask to try his lunch, so perhaps this is the closest she can get to initiating such a conversation with him at this time. Despite their mind games where they imagine the reactions of their opponent, they still have a lot of difficulty understanding each other.

I am curious to see if this prospective couple's communication skills and emotional intelligence will improve over the course of the story.

The burden of potential romance

Figure 1.1.10: Even the infallible genius Kaguya succumbs to superficial jealousy. It's "mind over matter" versus "matter over mind". That's how the saying goes, right?

Chika is a free spirit, able to ask Shirogane for whatever she wants without being neurotic. That is the power of not being bounded by a crush. Kaguya, who lacks that degree of freedom, briefly loathes her for experiencing something that Kaguya cannot ask for. It's amazing how much someone's feelings for a friend can change without a single word being spoken between them. All it takes is an action, unintentional or not, combined with the raw strength of insecurity. Just as quickly, the status quo can return back to normal too, with the act of properly making up.

To Chika, asking for food from someone doesn't mean anything at all, whereas with Kaguya, it is an admission of defeat. In that sense, a relationship that will only ever be platonic brings peace of mind, whereas a relationship that can be potentially romantic brings leagues upon leagues of anxiety if the outcome is of great concern.

Love is neurotic.

Is love worth the pain? For some people, it is not. For others, the reward is immense -- but only if you can make sure your relationship with this person doesn't end up being a nightmare for your emotional health.

Love and self-identity

The final scene of the episode surprised me in a good way. It's a brief departure from the comedy, and reveals a more heartfelt side of the show.

Kaguya's servant asks her an insightful question. It is substantially more insightful than I would expect from any romcom: "If you fell in love some day, would you wait for that person to confess their love, like now? Or would you confess your love?" I found myself immediately curious to hear Kaguya's answer, since I knew it would be highly informative about her character.

"If that time comes, I would consider the risk of someone stealing him first and come to the one rational conclusion." Even in the realm of love, Kaguya seems precise and calculating. It's as if she hesitates to give a straight answer, but then she confirms: "Of course I would go."

Figure 1.1.11: "Please understand."

It is not embarrassment or rejection that Kaguya fears; it is the absolute destruction of her identity and sense of self. Kaguya is the daughter of a family that practically runs the country. In her mind, everyone yearns for her and wishes to serve her. Turning that around and reaching out to another person to express her own desire would be a direct contradiction of that. It is probably a similar situation for Shirogane, where the infallible self-image he has built up is being put at risk during his romantic duels against Kaguya.

Kaguya clearly feels trapped. She and Shirogane see each other as threats to be conquered, but in reality, they both share a mutual enemy that is much more imposing and insidious: their own simultaneous disgust at the idea of vulnerability.

Their freedom is dominated by their insecurities, and so, even despite their impressive stature, they are still very human. Their upbringing that has lead them to become so accomplished may be more of a curse than a blessing, due to the resulting pride and self-image they likely feel pressured to uphold.

It is hard to cast aside a lie that you have bought into for your whole life.

If our two protagonists wish to have a chance of establishing a healthy romantic relationship, they have a lot of their own demons to overcome first. If they cannot set aside their pride and reach mutual understanding, they have no hope.

Until then, they will both remain trapped in a hell of their own design, however tragically comedic it may be.

My hopes for this story's future

I can tell that the mangaka, unlike far too many writers all over the world, actually seems to have a solid understanding of romance and the conflict that arises within. I've watched too many anime that place huge focus on the "will they or won't they" crap which never runs any deeper than one or both of the characters being too embarrassed to just say what they're thinking, without any sort of convincing mental blocker. In that case, it's clearly just manufactured drama which is designed to pad out the story and waste your time rather than pose interesting questions and themes. In the case of Kaguya and Shirogane, the two of them have substantial communication issues which are depicted in a comedic yet mature way, which I have found engaging.

I very much hope that the show will more deeply explore the themes and questions surrounding the ideas of vulnerability, emotional intelligence, and superiority within relationships. Kaguya and Shirogane have been set up to be great vehicles for such exploration, and I hope the mangaka can capitalize on that, especially if our protagonists can confront these issues directly.

My impression is that the ending will make or break this story. If the mangaka can pull it off well, I can already believe the payoff will be hugely satisfying.

Of course, in order to get to that point, we'll have to see a certain something. It has to do with the most sacred word amongst romcom enthusiasts: "progress". Indeed, after spending chapters upon chapters watching two characters bumble around amidst the same exact status quo, those little signs of advancements in a relationship are highly rewarding.

Underneath all of their aggression, if we can see Kaguya and Shirogane slowly open up to each other and realize the benefits of vulnerability, I think we could witness something really beautiful and really emotionally cathartic.

I've still only seen one episode, but I believe the mangaka has laid a fantastic groundwork for a series and can do a great job developing upon what I've seen so far. On that note, I will surpass our prideful protagonists by opening my heart to this story and entrusting it with my vulnerability, believing it can deliver satisfying development and resolution. You can do it!

Closing thoughts

I did not expect to write so much about a single episode of an ANIME of all things, but here we are. If only I could conjure this kind of power back when I actually needed it in high school English class!

The first episode alone is already so rich with characterization and themes that I managed to find quite a lot to talk about. Given how much I found myself relating to the characters and some of their situations, it's clear to me how this show became so popular. Not only are the animation, direction, and writing excellent, but also many people can probably relate to love feeling like a battlefield.

I do not want to believe in the idea of winners and losers in relationships. That idea creeps into my head whenever I'm having trouble keeping the interest of a new date, and I find myself wondering where those thoughts even come from. Lately, I have been reflecting on the way I relate to other people. Perhaps I've started experiencing this show at a time in my life when I most needed it, and that's why I felt driven to write such a large analysis.

This show poses some very interesting questions about romance that I do not actually know the answer to at the time of writing. I do not know yet how much the show is actually going to explore these themes. Regardless, I appreciate how this show is helping me reflect, and I am curious to see if and how the mangaka will answer some of the questions brought about by the story's themes.

This is a show that I'll most likely have to pace myself with. There was so much to process in this first episode alone. If I went any faster, I'm not sure if I'd even catch all of the details and character moments. I'm excited to move onto the second episode soon.

A highly subjective footnote about my cultured tastes

I'm glad that Kaguya is a sadistic dom with a gentle and vulnerable side, solely on the basis of that being my favorite personality type in a love interest. It also helps that it makes Kaguya's fantasies that much funnier with Shirogane acting so out of character. I feel like this show was made for me.

What was I writing about again? Oh yeah, writing a gigantic wall of text about an anime romcom. Somehow, I spent an entire day on this essay. Hopefully someone got a kick out of it.