#But I knew it wasn't going to be
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"I just think about the time we've spent together, and I start to fantasize about the way things could've been, about different choices and every little thing that's come our way, and those thoughts fade into a dream as I slip off to sleep to the sound of your breathing."
+ Sam taking emotional damage
#critical role#dorym#bells hells#nein hells#cr3e111#dorian storm#orym#orym of the air ashari#my gifs#y'all didn't think i wasn't going to do this one too did you#actually i just saved it for last because i knew rewatching this scene would make me emotional and guess what it did i was right#anyway i did it this was the last gif i wanted to make i'm done finally
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going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:
There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’
like wow babe. good fucking point
#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point#not a shitpost#cptsd#and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer#the truth is i know why i wasn't loved#i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings#i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing#i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance#the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it#i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer#and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!!#because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that!#it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs!#so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't.#when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to#you can look for answers and reasons and explanations#but that's not actually going to FIX your situation.#and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job)#because you don't need answers--you need a new situation#*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme*#and yes. walking out isn't always possible.#but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap.#stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air#new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust#like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be#when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole
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Don't eat anything else - DC X DP
Using this prompt
Next part
Masterpost
Danny is sure that if it wasn't for his ghost side, he would have already died from malnutrition. Vlad, the monster he is, doesn't allow him to eat any meal without human meat. It's not that he isn't allowed vegetables, fruits, and animal byproducts, but every meal has human meat somehow. Vlad watches him with piercing eyes while he eats, making sure he doesn't avoid the meat.
He's gone days without eating just to avoid it, but eventually, he does have to eat. He has eaten human meat! He wonders if this is why Dan decided to renounce his human side.
Future Vlad had told him that Dan wanted to get rid of his ghost side due to his grief, but maybe Dan thought he would feel better about eating humans if he were a complete ghost. Danny could understand that, but he now knows it wouldn't work...
The Infinite Realms are full of different species, and the act of eating another species that's able to coexist with you in a society feels just as horrendous as cannibalism. Was finding this out what drove Dan mad?
He isn't getting much nutrition when he does eat either, not with him vomiting at least half the times he does. Not that Vlad cares about that;
"Ectoplasm will take care of your body while you stubbornness dies. I do think it would be easier for you if you just stopped being ridiculous and eat."
Ectoplasm and water are the only things he has free access too, and Danny hates how grateful he is for at least having that.
As if things couldn't be worse, he's also been forced to cook the meat. When he started learning how to cook with Tucker's mom, he never, never, would have imagined he would be using his abilities for this. He has grown numb to butchering human corpses…
Corpses are a frequent view in the kitchen. He's scared one day he'll recognize the face of one of them. Vlad knows it and uses to control him, telling him that if he doesn't behave, their next meal might be Tucker or Sam. He hates to admit how docile he's grown.
He hasn't seen Tucker, Sam, or anyone since the explosion in the lab took his family. Vlad doesn't allow him to leave the mansion for anything besides galas. He has him collared like a dog to prevent him from leaving. Except, his collar is a shock bracelet charged with blood blossoms that would inject into his wrist if he tries to escape.
He thought Vlad was bluffing and tried escaping once. His whole body felt like it was burning up in flames, and he wasn't able to move for a week. Vlad told him that next time, the dose would keep him in bed for a month. He hasn't tried escaping since.
He's still talking with them through chat. He doesn't know if Vlad knows, but he doesn't think he does; he told him his phone exploded with the lab. But he can't tell them anything. How could he? How is he supposed to tell them he has cooked humans? That he has eaten humans? That he has grown somewhat numb to it? He can't, and then he feels like he can't talk about anything else that is happening.
Today, as he serves the entrance dish to the first guests Vlad has had since he took Danny in, he forces a fake smile on his face. Inside, he feels a wave of nausea and dread as intense as the first time he was forced to eat human meat. The grotesque irony of presenting this dish, knowing what it contains, twists his stomach and makes his hands tremble ever so slightly.
They don't know. They have no idea that they're being served their own species. They don't know, and Danny is the one forced to make them eat their own kind.
The appetizer is a vegetable-based soup with barely any traces of meat, but the main dish features a full human fillet. The guilt and revulsion claw at his insides, nearly choking him. He has to at least stop them from eating that. He needs to get them out of here somehow. And maybe, just maybe, it’s time to try and put a stop to everything else. He can’t let this atrocity continue.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Tim didn't feel comfortable listening to Masters talk about how good the food would be, while Masters' heir served the appetizer with the fakest smile Tim had ever seen. The teen looked so clearly uncomfortable and scared around his guardian that it was hard to resist the urge to grab the boy and leave.
Masters had praised his godson’s cooking during the gala last week, all the while keeping a hand possessively on the teen’s shoulder. Tim didn't like how controlling it seemed, nor how the grip tightened when the teen mumbled quietly about his name being Danny. It was difficult to witness the entire interaction, especially as the teen appeared to fall into a state of complete dissociation afterward.
They were already planning to investigate Masters due to the suspicious nature of all his contracts, but after the gala, they had to shift their focus to helping the teen. They were fortunate that Masters had granted them easy access to his mansion with the invitation to try Danny's cooking.
They couldn't all go to Masters's and leave Gotham behind, so at the dinner, it was just Bruce, Cass, and Tim. Jason was also in the city because he refused to stay away from an obvious abuse case, but he wasn't allowed at the dinner. He would have attacked Masters just from seeing Danny’s uncomfortable stance under his hand during their greeting.
Masters had insisted that Danny serve the food since he had made it, and now Danny stood beside him, serving him the last plate of soup. Danny stumbled for a moment, and before Tim knew it, he was bathed in soup. Tim blinked, surprised at how the soup wasn’t as hot as he had expected, given the steam rising from the other plates.
"Daniel! What the hell are you doing!?"
Vlad exclaimed, standing up from his place, and the teen beside Tim paled.
“I—I am so sorry!” Danny apologized, using napkins to help clean off the soup, his hands slightly trembling. “Did you get burned?”
"No, no, don't worry about it. I'm okay."
"It isn't okay. Daniel, you ruined Mr. Drake's clothes!"
"Sorry... Let's- I think I have clothes that could fit you... So you could change?"
Oh, so that was why his soup wasn’t hot. Danny had poured it on him deliberately; he was trying to get him alone. Despite how scared Danny looked, it seems he still clung to the hope of escaping. Tim felt a surge of relief and determination. He was glad to see that Danny was looking for a way out, and this chance could be their opportunity to devise a plan.
"Thanks, I would appreciate that." he said as he stood from his sit. He saw how Masters was opening his mouth to say something, but Tim didn't want to risk loosing the opportunity. "Please, don't worry about it Mr. Masters, accidents happen, we'll be back in a moment."
Tim locked eyes with Bruce for just a second, a barely noticeable nod telling him Bruce trusted him to do this right. He then followed Danny through the mansion’s halls and up the stairs, noting that Danny’s bedroom was on the top floor. Danny kept his arms crossed, trying to make himself appear smaller.
"I'm really sorry Mr. Drake. I should have been more careful."
"It's okay really, and please, just call me Tim."
"Oh, um, thanks, but Vlad doesn't like nicknames... would- would it be okay to use Timothy instead?"
“… Yeah, sure.” It seemed Vlad controlled the way Danny was allowed to speak. “Would you mind if I call you Danny then?” Tim asked. He had been mentally referring to him as Danny since the gala and wanted to match that with his spoken words.
Danny shrank farther into himself, and Tim was about to retract his suggestion, but then a small smile appeared on Danny's face and he turned to look at Tim.
"Yeah, I would like that." Danny said in a hushed toned, and a hint of fears in his eyes. Like he was afraid to accept the suggestion.
Tim wondered if Masters had punished Danny for mumbling his preferred name at the gala. However, before he could dwell further on the types of punishments Masters might have used, Danny's eyes widened.
"Ancients, you even have soup on your hair-"
Despite Tim’s attempts to reassure him that everything was okay, Danny continued to apologize throughout the journey to his bedroom. Lamenting how foolish it had been to let the plate slip, and how he should have known better.
Danny’s constant self-reproach made Tim question whether he had misjudged the situation. Maybe it had been a genuine mistake. In theory, it wouldn't matter, because he got to talk alone with Danny either way, but he liked thinking that Danny was reaching out for their help.
Once in Danny's bedroom, Danny beelined to his closet to give Tim a change of clothes. Tim took the opportunity to look around. Danny's room was… impersonal. It was sophisticated and extravagant, like a room that would be featured in a magazine. Tim was sure Danny hadn't decided on the decor. He was surprised to see the bedroom had a large balcony connected to it. Maybe Masters trusted it was high enough for Danny not to attempt escaping through it?
"Would this outfit work for you?"
Danny was holding a suit similar to the one Masters had worn at a previous gala. Now that Tim paid attention to Danny's outfit, he noticed that Danny's clothes today were almost a smaller version of what Masters was wearing, with just enough differences to not be immediately recognized as the same. Thinking back to last weeks gala, their outfits were also similar. To what extent was Masters controlling Danny's life?
"Um... if you don't like it I can grab another one..."
Tim blinked, realizing he had just stared silently at Danny while he offered him the clothes.
"No, sorry, got lost in thoughts, I'm okay using those."
"Okay, I'm glad. Again, sorry for..." Danny motioned to Tims clothes "You can change in my bathroom over there." He pointed to a door beside the bed. "Maybe also take a shower?" Danny got a towel from his closet and offered it to Tim.
"Yeah a shower would be good." Tim said, taking clothes and the towel and entering the bathroom.
He'll talk with Danny once he was changed into clean clothes. If only to calm Danny's guilt about the incident.
Danny's bathroom was spacious, with a jacuzzi bathtub, a separate shower, and one of those popular bidet toilets. From an outside perspective it must look like Danny has anything he could want, but Tim knows better than anyone that money doesn't guaranty a good household. It's sad knowing that any CPS agent that did decide to look into this, would be easily push away by Masters money.
Once Tim had showered and changed clothes, he prepared to go back to the bedroom to talk to Danny, but before he did, a green glow from the corner of his eye caught his attention. Tim sucked a breath when he saw what it was. A syringe with traces of Lazarus waters and blood sat beside the sink.
"Timothy? Everything okay in there? Did the clothes don't fit?"
Tim took a photo of the syringe and sent it to the group chat with the caption, "We may have to add experimentation to Danny's abuse." After taking a sample, he decided to leave the syringe behind, considering the possibility that Masters might use the same syringe more than once and notice its disappearance. He really hoped to get Danny out of there that same day, but if they couldn't, he didn't want to make things more difficult for him.
"Everything is okay! I'll be out in a second."
Tim took one last look around while picking up his dirty clothes, just in case he found anything else. When he left the bathroom, Danny was waiting for him, shifting nervously from side to side. It was time to talk to him.
"Danny, look, I wanted to talk-"
"Ah, let me take your clothes! I'll make sure to clean them and get them back to you!" Danny interrupted him, grabbing his arm and shaking his head with a pleading look.
Tim looked incredulous at Danny for a second, before he realized what was happening and mouthed. "Your bedroom is bugged." He hadn't meant it as a question but Danny had nodded anyway. It was fucked up, Danny couldn't even talk confidently in his own bedroom?
"Right, thank you Danny. I would appreciate that. Perhaps we could take the opportunity to meet again in the future."
Danny gave him the look an adult might give a naive child when talking about an unreachable fantasy, and Tim couldn't help but frown at it. Did Danny believe that even seeing them again was too out of reach?
"That would be great, I'll talk with Vlad about the possibility."
Tim was going to say something else to try to reassure Danny that they would be able to meet, but Danny just handed him two pieces of paper. One was unfolded with text on it, and the other was folded into a small square, smaller than his pinky. He read the unfolded paper first.
- Don't eat anymore of the food. Pretend to have some sort of family emergency and leave, please. Read the other paper when you're far away. -
Tim looked at Danny with questioning wide eyes, but Danny just gave him another pleading look. Tim took a deep breath and took a photo to the paper and sent it to the group chat.
"Oh common, aren't you a little old to ask your guardian about every little meet up you have?" (Would you leave with us?)
Danny gives a nervous chuckle.
"Maybe, but after my family, Vlad tends to be really protective, you know?" He said while pointing to his bracelet.
Tim hadn't noticed how tick the bracelet was before. It was metallic, with a red liquid line in the middle.
"Shock bracelet?" He mouthed.
Danny nodded and then mouthed, "if I scape, it poisons me."
Tim pales a bit at that. They had underestimated how dangerous Masters was.
He motioned to his phone and took a photo of the bracelet after Danny nodded and sent to the group chat with the caption: "Shock bracelet with the capacity of poisoning Danny. We won't be able to get him out right now."
"We should probably go back with the others now."
-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-
Group chat
Coffee is my life: *Photo of the syringe*
Coffee is my life: We may have to add experimentation to Danny's abuse.
Death boy walking: Fuck!
Death boy walking: @ Adoption addict, we have to get the kid out of there now!
Bones? What bones?: Bruce is entertaining Masters with Cass at the moment little wing.
Bones? What bones?: I doubt he'll read this.
The blood son: There's no way that buffoon has any relation with grandfather. He's company does not follow any of the leagues morals.
Light & shadow: Maybe he found another Lazarus pit?
Light & shadow: They're supposedly naturally formed right? It shouldn't be that crazy for someone out of the league to have one.
Computer genius: It might not even be Lazarus waters. The tone is slightly off.
The blood son: It is possible that it is a different variation of dionesium.
Death boy walking: Who cares? He's injecting the kid with that thing!
Not Bruces kid: Hate to say it but the zombie is right, we can find what exactly when Danny is safe.
Coffee is my life: *Photo of paper with text*
Light & shadow: ????
Light & shadow: Is the food poisoned!?
Computer genius: Already told them through comms to not eat anymore food.
Computer genius: If the food is poison it hasn't affected them yet.
Light & shadow: Do you guys have a way to deal with the poison there?
Bones? What bones?: Don't worry Bruce doesn't go anywhere without the poison antidote kit.
Death boy walking: Of course he doesn't. The paranoid bastard.
The blood son: It isn't paranoia if the danger is real Todd.
Computer genius: I'll call Bruce in 10 to pretend a family emergency.
Death boy walking: You are NOT going without Danny!
Bones? What bones?: Any possibility on taking Danny with you @ Coffee is my life?
Coffee is my life: *Photo of bracelet*
Coffee is my life: Shock bracelet with the capacity of poisoning Danny. We won't be able to get him out right now.
Not Bruces kid: WTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTF
Not Bruces kid: Wasn't this a low stakes rescue???
Not Bruces kid: Why is this man coming up with plans in the big villain category?
Light & shadow: I'm scared of whatever "the other paper" that Danny gave Tim says.
Light & shadow: Wouldn't be surprised if Masters was connected with a trafficking ring.
Bones? What bones?: @ Death boy walking?
Bones? What bones?: You're too silent...
Bones? What bones?: Remember you won't be able to barge in without putting Danny in danger.
Death boy walking: I ALREADY KNOW THAT DICKFACE.
The blood son: Tt, don't be so surprise by the warning Todd.
The blood son: Your past actions have prove it necessary.
Death boy walking: Shut the fuck up demon brat. You're not one to talk.
... The blood son is writing ...
Light & shadow: Everyone have had their outburst of bad decisions.
Light & shadow: Can we go back to Danny?
Light & shadow: How likely do you think it is that he's a meta?
Light & shadow: Because, I think it's pretty high.
Not Bruces kid: Did you see something strange in him on the gala?
Light & shadow: No, but the bracelet are pretty similar to the meta-suppressors collars I've seen in the past.
Computer genius: I'm calling Bruce right now.
-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-
next part
#dp x dc#dc x dp#dcxdp#dpxdc#Wow#it just kept growing#Didn't expect it to get this long#It was going to be much longer#But I realized it was probably better to separate it into a second part#Danny's parents and sister died when the lab exploded#Danny's suspects the explosion wasn't as random as it seemed#Before it happened Vlad had invited Maddie out to “prepare a surprise party for Jack”#Danny is sure the explosion was another attempt to kill Jack#This one succeeded but also took Maddie#Jack#and Jazz#Danny didn't know Vlad was a Cannibal#He knew he was a frutloop#But he never would have imagined this#Vlad wants Danny to be his perfect son *cough* mini copy *cough*#That includes Danny following his same diet
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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.
first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.
it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.
and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.
you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.
and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.
your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.
in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.
in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.
so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.
you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.
once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.
and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"
you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?
hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!
you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.
we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?
#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck#good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen#im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3#writeblr#the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also#''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist#i was <3 punctured <3 during mine#and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3#she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh#ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance#i'd crash on the table#like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it#and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just#woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes#she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room#from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing#and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying#and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap#with this terrible memory#i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like#that was too many liters#and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home#i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after#that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty#you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it#while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED#and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.
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#one piece#water 7#cyborg franky#shanks#the sketch was fun to make but i knew i wasn't going to see it to the end so i threw franky in and said post
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the church on ruby road, a summary:
#doctor who#dw spoilers#fifteenth doctor#look i knew the TraumaTM wasn't gonna go away but MY DUDE#*1k#*2k
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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(Narrator voice) It was not how everyone felt
#UTDR#UTMV#Dream Sans#Swap Sans#Happy pride month!#Blue is a loving and extremely unreliable source#To be fair I hc almost all the skeletons as ace so this was going to happen no matter what#I do love the idea of Blue finding out later from his Alphys or somebody#Running to tell Dream and Ink like ''can you believe this???''#And at some point Dream mentions it to Nightmare like ''did you know some people want to do this? Like they feel it''#And Nightmare's entire gang is like ''wHAT?? that wasn't a bit?? D:''#Nightmare is nodding along like ''yes yes we all knew about it'' internally like oh no that was real??
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all I wanted was to save them... (ID in alt)
#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#tw blood#let me know if there's any other tags i need to use!!! not sure if it counts as gore#ruporas art#*vash voice* YOU ARE NOT WRONG/LOST WOLFWOOD!!!!!!#i think very often about ch 49 where wolfwood thought it was fr over for him for that brief moment. he was already bearing with so much#fatigue that it wasn't going to be enough for him to fight back properly.. and ough... augh..... for the first time after bearing that cros#someone saved him. someone saved himmmm AUGHHHH <-- guy who can't be normal about it even though its been 7 months since i read it#but he's suffered alone for so long and continued to do so because it's all he ever knew in those short years#and its devastating. his one and only desire was simple and it was still difficult for him to reach T_T#anyway... i love him... holds him tenderly in my palms
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making a little comic with the little sea angel/sea butterfly friends 👀
+ some sketches when I went to the aquarium (again hhsh)
#artists on tumblr#sketchbook stuff#decided to let the other story/drawing cook more#will get back to that another time#went to new york aquarium for the first time! :O#wouldn't mind going back to draw more since I went with fam and it's kinda hard to draw#when there's people waiting/wanting to go do other stuff#also I'm a dumbass and finally know why my dip nibs weren't working#or I knew you were supposed to get the oil on the nibs off but it wasn't working till I saw a youtube vid#that mentioned something acidic/rubbing alcohol/saliva#and some nibs I had were super stubborn so I used lemon juice and it worked mHSHSA#windsor and newton fineliner my beloved
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The four of you have worked together before, but never in the same series, is that correct? How was it when you learned that the four of you would be playing the main characters of the series?
BONUS: everyone's reaction
#the heart killers#thk#thk cast#the heart killers cast#firstkhao#firstkhaotung#thk gmmtv live#meine grafiken#thkgifmine#adrm#pls i love how khao is fully down for first's dramatic reiteration#totally playing along with it‚ pretending to be distraught about it#only for whenn first explicitly SAYS it out loud that they were ''upset'' about it to go 'WAIT NO NO NO THAT'S NOT TRUE''#kjdfjdksfjkdg#LIKE BRO WHY ARE YOU SUDDENLY CHANGING COURSE YOU WERE LITERALLY ACTING JUST AS UPSET ONLY A SECOND AGO FDKJSDFG#i adore this constellation so much 🥺🥺🥺🥺#i'm not big on FK as a fixed pair bc i'm of the opinion it's a waste of first's talent of changing personalities at the snap of a finger#which imo can have an even greater impact if he wasn't stuck with just one single partner but rather got to act with multiple partners#but like. FK and JD in a series together is something i never knew i desperately needed until the pilot trailer dropped#this group is SO cute with each other it's so wholesome i'm so 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
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Thinking many many thoughts about how Jean was Riko's partner for a YEAR and was still rooming with Goon #3. Because that was how unwilling Riko was to let go of Kevin. And how that implies that Jean was placed as his partner both because of the practicality of Kevin being gone AND as a punishment for letting him go in the first place. Being partners with Jean could actually slow Riko down depending on how often he's hurt (because I don't think Riko was all that exempt from the rules to the point where his partner's performance would completely not matter) and he was still placed there. Riko was just THAT angry at him over Kevin's escape. And all the while he was keeping Kevin's side of room like an altar, even back when he didn't even think Kevin could PLAY, because of an injury he caused.
#'average aftg fan thinks about Kevins side of the room once a day.' factoid. headboard georg (me) is thinking on it at all times#everything about the perfect court makes me so absolutely insane i am chewing on glass#do you guys think that Jean would still have distracted Riko if he knew Kevin was going to leave?#moreover. do you guys REALLY think Jean didn't at least suspect he was leaving#because tsc is probably going to prove me wrong but I think he would and he knew#anyway. i said it before and i will say it again#the kevriko toxic teen girl homoerotic friendship rizz is unparalleled#riko moriyama the man that you are. they could never make me think you're uninteresting I want to use your brain as a saltshaker#I don't think Riko (or Tetsuji for that matter since he prompted it) ever actually realised what Kevin's injury MEANT. like for real#it wasn't putting him in his place it was destroying the very idea of the perfect court. it was DONE#if Kevin hadn't recovered. if the plot of AFTG hadn't happened. how long would it have taken for Riko to realize#that HE killed the very thing he built his life around and was just dragging it behind him like a corpse (Jean)#kevin day#riko moriyama#jean moreau#the sunshine court#all for the game#the perfect court
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Was it casual when you were so desperate to save him from certain death that you destroyed a reinforced door?
Was it casual when you used your years of military training to stab him multiple times?
Was it casual when you used your upper body weight to make sure you stab him correctly?
Was it casual when you grinned up at me as I bled into your mouth?
Was it casual when you hit me on the head with a fire extinguisher so you could steal my self sacrifice moment?
Was it casual when I used your skeletal adamantium remains to kill space cops?
Was it casual when both of us wanted to stay in that car?
#was it casual when: deadclaws tag so far#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool#poolverine#wolverine#wade wilson#logan howlett#i'm going insane over my own tags#which i wrote#was it casual when#no it fuckin wasn't#and all of us knew it
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Kingdom Hearts - Hollow Bastion
#kingdom hearts#kh1#hollow bastion#scenery#my gif#creating this set helped me truly appreciate just how detailed this world is#i mean i always knew it was beautiful but i never actually slowed down long enough to REALLY look at it#seriously every single room is so varied and intricately designed it's so impressive#it was difficult to select only eight locations to showcase because this place is huge and each area is so memorable in its own way#i technically used two shots from the lift stops but c'mon i wasn't going to leave out those giant stained glass windows are you kidding me#they look amazing but can be easily missed since they're so high up#this world is so dark and moody with its elaborate architecture despite its soft peach toned skybox that's surprisingly calming to look at#she has the range
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Strictly professional showering (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Alphys#Gaster#''Do Monsters even have showers-'' shhhhhh. Let me have this#Lol#And to think I made this because I Actually wanted to draw him miserably taking a shower!#Probably unsurprising but this was a shower thought lol#I knew as soon as I started thinking about the differences in Snowdin vs. Hotland's temperatures and what that might do to the water-#It was too late! I had to make something about it all my doodles are secretly just a way to smuggle unrelated headcanons out lol#Pipes bursting in Snowdin probably would be a problem for at least like kitchen sinks :0 Need reinforced cold-proof pipes haha#I haven't gotten to Hotland in my current playthrough but there was also the water cooler wasn't there!#Only Waterfall convenient to take showers in lol#ANYway so distractable lol#Gaster doesn't feel even a little bad asking favours lol casually waves it away as ''It needs to be done so it's fine''#Aren't you worried about being an inconvenience! No he's not lol#And obviously Alphys doesn't mind hehe ♪#Alphys is the best because basically no matter where you drop it in the timeline she's always going to be awkward and thirsty lol#They've known each other for a few months? They've known each other for a few years? Alphys will still swing-and-a-miss lol#She's really cute heck I gotta practice her more ♫ Curves! Love drawing curves#Really what were you expecting - why would he come out before he's dressed? This isn't his house it's not like he can just wander around#He brought everything in with him that he needed! Silly#If skeletons are fluffy do you suppose they shed? Would she find skeleton fuzz on one of her towels?
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the creature from lisa frankenstein is quite literally the embodiment of "no grave can hold my body down// i'll crawl home to her"
#he crawled out of his own grave RIGHT TO HER DOOR#because he KNEW she TENDED to his GRAVE#he loved her even before he came back to life!!!#everything he did was for her!!!#hozier#lisa frankenstein#lisa frankenstein was more romantic than most romcoms#i love it so much#if it wasn't damn near $20 for tickets where i live i'd go see it again#will do ANYTHING for an unrated/director's cut on DVD
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