#Buntan Headcanons

[canonsinthehead]

Naruto Modern AU/Hollywood pt.2 - Kiri & The All-Star Team

There is a silent hierarchy among all countries and the terrible assumption that bigger countries are better than smaller ones. The large presence and funds of various territories, like the country of fire, wind, earth, and lightning, overwhelms and overshadows small nations, especially in sports where each country dominates certain disciplines.

The land of fire (Konoha): badminton, soccer, gymnastics, and martial arts

The land of lightning (Kumo): Tennis, basketball, and athleticism

The land of earth (Iwa): cross country, marathon, weightlifting, and cycling

But in the last decade, the land of water emerged in the sports scene. It was coming out of years of political conflict that left the country in shambles with record levels of poverty, putting them at the bottom of the economic ladder. Not only was it a smaller nation, but a lot of its endeavors and way of life were unknown to the rest of the world because of the long-lasting reign of violence that controlled the country for decades.

Well, Kiri has been perceived as "these islands far away" with the highest crime rate in the world for the longest but Its newly found peace brought interesting things; industrialization,  a new economy open to the world, the exportation of its products, but specifically the creation of various social classes. This was not the case before, since it was, the government/military vs the rest of the population in poverty.

This modernized economy brought the country a new middle class and other social statuses. It recently started experiencing the concept of celebrities like the rest of the world and most are athletes.

Being surrounded by large bodies of water, any form of water activity has always been intuitive to them. To the point where many accuse them of having a "genetic advantage". Athletes from Kiri/Country of Water can now join world competitions and are killing the game in the water department and making a serious name for their country. They are undefeatable in all forms of swimming kayaking, boat racing, surfing, diving, synchronized/artistic swimming, water polo, etc. Now most of the competitions for these sports are held there.

Kiri is getting recognized overseas for many things, but recently certain people have attained celebrity status for unconventional reasons building a solid international fan base

Mei Terumi, the female president, for her breathtaking beauty

Haku is the new sensation in figure skating. A discipline Kiri started to dominate recently but the young man’s high level of skills made him reach first place in all competitions. His likeability, pure heart, and pretty looks opened many doors for him, he often features in variety shows and commercials. He is also a good friend of the #1 YouTuber/streamer and boxer Naruto Uzumaki and often appears on his channel

Ever since basketball was invented, Kumogakure dominated the sport, but in the past year, the mysterious national basketball team of Kiri has made a name for themselves.

Overnight, a team of 195 cm tall men came out of nowhere and climbed up the world ranking to second place. The team’s name is the Swordsman of the Mist and the current coach is Gengetsu Hozuki It may not seem like it, but many of the members have interesting inheritances and backgrounds.

Kisame Hoshigaki: leader and tallest. Surprisingly decent from a prestigious clan from Kiri. Kisame is an academic genius, who has a diploma in biology from the most prestigious universities in the country of Water but decided to use the basketball scholarship he received instead.

His son Shizuma Hoshigaki is a part-time social media influencer. He is problematic in his own way, but not enough to be canceled yet. Shizuma is not worried because he is a trust fund kid but wishes to outshine his father as a professional swimmer. The jokes write themselves since he barely practices the sport but is among the greatest and fastest the world has to offer (his shark DNA, I guess). He is dating Raiga’s daughter Buntan, and her father is really salty about it

Zabuza Momochi: nobody knows about his background. He is the most muscular. Him and Kisame get the most brand deals and promotions. Zabuza is also one of Haku’s coaches. He took him under his wing under unknown circumstances. He is the first to recognize the boy’s unique talent and aiding him in his journey as an athlete regardless of their differences. Zabuza always had a sweet spot for Haku and considered him like a son. So, he is often absent to prioritize the figure skater’s training.

Kisame knows Zabuza well, they are lifelong friends. The leader lets him get away with missing practices (even if it drives their coach insane). His best friend is a man of a few words, and above all works extremely hard and exercises double their training schedule in his own free time.

Juuzo Biwa: He is the third star player along with Kisame and Zabuza (The Killer Trio). He has no sense of personal space. Ironically, he is the wealthiest because he owns a successful brand of luxury cars coveted by the new high class. He is genuinely funny, and the variety show's favorite.

Raiga: Loudest laugh. Lost a lot of money due to his jewelry addiction. He smokes a pack with the blood of his enemies. The mother of his child is still getting child support payments, and he is bitter, even if they’re legally separated.

Because of His herratic behaviour and anger issues, he is kinda of a self-made outcast. The other members can cooporate as co-workers and teamates but nothing beyond that (Raiga has is own circle of friends). Since Raiga is so unhinged, no matter their coach's efforts, him and Zabuza do not get along.

Hassaku Onomichi: professional dunker. He befriended a lot of Kumo basketball players. He often gets caught up in beefs with anyone.

The popularity of the basketball team has offered them fans all across the world for their incredible talent, pleasant chemistry, unique sense of humor, and good looks to the point where tabloids from Konoha have launched a misinformation campaign to stain their image and effort to defend their basketball teams after getting constantly crushed by those "foreigners".

The last match of the International Basketball League’s series opposing The Swordmen of the Mist from Kiri against The Lightnings from Kumo was the most anticipated and heated match ever organized. Taking place in Konoha, it made record engagement and attendance. For the first time in history, Kumo lost the finale to first timers. The news traveled all across the world and, certified Kiri’s team's celebrity status since they won.

With their success, many shady investors like Gato started to take interest in basketball as a means of proposing Kiri overseas and for other shady dealings. The weight of all those rumors pushed many fans who knew Gato’s involvement in Haku’s career to beg him to change his manager/owner ASAP.

PART 1 next part

[stripesquadsideblog]

Buntan Kurosuki Headcanons

ok so there are a few nsfwish ones mixed in at the top but i tried to put them more to the bottom and nothing really explicit .

 Mother is a prostitute ( i mean she literally called her daughter Hoe) hence how she has no relation to Raiga , and has a great distain for the man who left her with a child

Her mother was Raigas favourite so she does know a fair bit about him which is why she could tell buntan about it.

However what she doesn’t tell buntan about is that Raiga didn’t leave of his own accord. She made him leave after finding out about his love of burying people alive.

She does have a little care for buntan ( like microscopic) as she was worried that if she ever found out she would leave in search of her father.

That being said i could also she her having literally ZERO fucks given towards buntan. Like girl could get eaten by bears and her mom wouldn’t care

Her mother is also bordering on an alcoholic. Buntan had to get herself to and from school from no age.

They lived in her mothers ‘place of work’ for many years. When Buntan turned 18 she left to go live with shizuma in their cool hideout™

Because of having to care for her blackout drunk mother on various occasions, she is very domestic but utterly resents it. She  keeps her room as messy as possible and acts like an utter slob just to spite this.

She usually leaves a trail of destruction wherever she goes. Socks lying on the floor, wrappers and empty cups and bowls can are a sign that buntan is in the near vicinity

Acts like a bitchy sorority girl but secretly is a very damaged girl. Doesn’t even feel comfortable enough to drop this act around shizuma

When they were dating she was constantly worried about whether shizuma would like the real her or if he just liked her bitch facade

Pitch black sense of humor. If someone is going to cross the line with a black humor joke its going to be her buntan dead baby jokes aren’t funny, weve been  over this..

She was born with sharp teeth unlike her mother or raiga which made her mother hope she wasn’t actually raigas. However as she grew the resemblance was undeniable

Her favorite food is actually just a regular old grilled cheese sandwich. It was the first thing she learned to make herself when she was a child and even now when shes in a bad mood one of these well done can cheer her right up.

She also loves foreign foods like pasta and garlic bread. The others hate it though so she never gets to eat it

Her least favorite however is anything alcoholic. She has a good tolerance for alcohol but since finding out alcoholism can run in families she hasn’t touched the stuff.

Shes pretty street smart and savvy. She actually developed a sort of hop in-hop out system for their hideout similar to konan, yahiko and nagatos

She has really bad knees and finds all the jumping around and backflips she has to do as part of being a ninja really  painful.  If you notice during her fight with Sarada she tends to walk and only jumps out of the way when she has no choice.

That being said she is or at least was a big fan of ice skating. She cant really do all the moves anymore but just going round in circles on the rink makes her happy.

She really doesn’t like kekkai genkki users. She’d probably flip her lid if she ever found out about her dad and Ranmaru

Her and hebiichigo get along really well.... or as well as two very unstable people can. Sure they have fights, which always end in blood. But theyve usually patched things up again within minutes so they can resume giving everyone and their mother the side eye, talking shit behind their backs

She 100% smokes. She was one of those chicks who smoked in the bathrooms and behind the bike shed at the academy. Hebii smokes sometimes too but shes usually the first to give buntan shit about it because c’mon bunbun it’ll make you sick.

yESS HER NICKNAME IS BUNBUN

She would never tell  him but the fact that Shizuma is related to someone Kisame scares her because she’s heard the stories and the man was a BEAST

nsfw-ish below the cut

Since her mom is a hooker buntan is both pretty liberal when it comes to sex and insanely conservative . she has no problem talking about every kind of kink under the rainbow, shes got an encyclopedic knowledge of everything sex related and would never slut shame  or kink shame anyone. Basically if you want sex advice you go to Buntan

But you try any of that shit with her and you’re going to get stabbed. If you even MENTION her in any kind of sexual context she will flip her lid. The thought of HER actually doing the nasty as opposed to other people makes her want to puke.

Shes not asexual per say as shes still attracted to people but she is really sex repulsed when it comes to herself.

Was equal parts intrigued and disgusted when she found a porn stash in the abandoned building they called bagsies on

For badness she threw one of the more ratty books at Ichirota to see him scream  and flail because eww germs and also EWW WHO USED THIS

No one currently knows where the porn stash is

A new sex shop opened up in kiri and she was the first to check it out. She didn’t want to buy anything in there or even ever use it if it was bought for her, she was just curious

She got free lub and threw that at Ichirota too.

Sexuality? Buntan isn’t bi-curious shes bi-furious

[ironharvests]

suigetsu helps mitsuki, inojin, and shikadai defeat shizuma just because “i want that little brat shizuma to lose.” which on one hand is hilarious because, like, what the hell did shizuma do to you sis? he said you had no swag and get no ass so you want him to die??? how does he even know shizuma if shizuma is 17-18 and suigetsu is like 30+ and based in otogakure? huh????

but on the other hand..... it doesn’t make a ton of sense for suigetsu to be anti-shizuma, or invested in taking him down in general. shizuma’s goal isn’t just to bring back the bloody mist, but to institute a transparent government. his main complaint in boruto canon is that chojuro and mei are systematically assassinating any and all political detractors and denouncers, cutting down “anyone who got in their way.” while obviously shizuma is not a trustworthy person and isn’t someone we should take at face value, he’s also shown to believe in and keep his promises. he thinks he’s doing the right thing. that says a lot about him. and it raises confusing questions about suigetsu, too: has he turned his back on his old village? does he not care about what’s happening there? why is he so invested in stopping a revolution that would likely never make it off the ground in the first place? why is he so interested in squashing shizuma and protecting chojuro’s administration, one that even he thinks is too moderate and nothing special?

shizuma’s claims aren’t baseless or fiction, either. during his fight with the new seven, chojuro himself also admits to these assassinations and removing the names of the “unsavory dead” (people who cast a pall on kirigakure’s history, such as, apparently, all of the past seven swordsmen and the entire hoshigaki clan, potentially because of kisame’s involvement with obito.... which raises entirely new questions about why these seven teens/tweens know about that). chojuro confesses that he has done things that weren’t aboveboard, and that he did them for the betterment of his village. which makes sense, and reveals some of shizuma’s naivety: of course a ninja President will have detractors assassinated, it’s what they do. to expect anything less makes shizuma seem as childish as boruto, who vehemently denies that an”good guy” like chojuro would do that. both of them are too young or too ignorant to acknowledge that violence is the wheel upon which the shinobi system and its politics turns.

but still, the onus here is on chojuro. clearly these children are not discontent outliers, but representatives of an increasingly upset and betrayed population in kiri that feels ignored and abandoned by their government. this new kirigakure is built for tourists, not its people. poverty is still relatively high in the village and the surrounding territory, as kagura remarks that he is a shinobi because he is too poor not to be. he is literally in poverty and killing is the only thing that will pay a livable wage. if even kagura, chojuro’s reasonably sheltered preferred candidate for mizukage, is exposed to the harshness of the village’s economic state, then how good can things really be? it seems chojuro’s beautiful port village is a facade for tourists, other nations, and investors. the reality is that the denizens of kirigakure are still suffering and unhappy. and while shizuma’s revolution is pisspoor and childish, he seems to be the only person interested in engaging with kirigakure’s past in order to build its present, whereas the current government administration simply wants to sweep kirigakure’s past and its heritage — both the good and the bad — under the rug and pretend to be something it’s not. something sanitized and pretty and indistinguishable from konoha.

[not-so-terrible]

Kagura seems to be the only official seven swordsmen candidate/trainee and yet doesn’t have sharpened teeth, so possibly the practice is discontinued.

So the New Swordsmen basically do the Extreme version of everyone piercing their ears or getting stick and poke tattoos at a sleepover and go rummaging through the kitchen to see what they can use to sharpen teeth based on a wikihow article

[tgirlhawkins]

Top 5 swords(wo)men ? Top 5 headcanon about Kisame ?

josh aaahh THANK U FOR LETTING ME TALK ABOUT MY BOYS

top 5 swordsmen

Zabuza and kisame, get to share a spot because they are the most plot-shaking characters and i am deeply emotionally attached to both of them. zabuza is the original kiri dad and had the best arc in this whole series and also TWO of the best moments from any non-protagonist (running through the missing nin to cut off gato’s head WITH HIS TEETH and “i wish i could go to where you have gone”). and kisame who is so disillusioned with his homeland, who is loyal til the end who hates the way he looks and the things he’s done but cares for the people around him, he is enormous and full of love and watching him fight and even just interact with people is such a treat

idk if we’re counting boruto characters but Buntan Kurosuki, arguably the only one of those kids who has any right to wield those swords and I’m not talking about birthright i am talking about skill. she fucks shit up!! and god does she have so much going on; she’s a filler character but she feels like a fully realized person with layers to her. she’s my daughter and i love her and i hope this arc ends well for her ;w;

raiga. i want to hit him with a truck, i want to do questionably ethical experiments on him, i want to give him a hug

ameyuri >W< more evidence that short people are more unhinged because they’re closer to hell. i have a screenshot of her saved on my desktop just so i can look at her every once in awhile. four feet ten inches of rage and lightning 

I’m going to put jinpachi and kushimaru together because fuck it. they’re so chaotic and i like that they either were constantly sewing/blowing each other up in life or when they became undead they immediately incorporated their regeneration into their strategy, that’s cool as fuck. they have really neat powers and they’re bloodthirsty and look awesome :)

kisame headcanons (i don’t even have that many my dude I’m going 2 be honest but here we go)

he won best tits in the akatsuki the second year he joined and then every year since

he thinks he’s so unattractive but 90% of the people he’s ever worked with have a little crush on him, reasons range from he’s so nice and polite to it’s incredibly sexy to watch him fight to they’re a monsterfucker. the uh. the other 10% were victims of his bluntness or possibly his sword

he tells itachi dad jokes. he has at least one joke book. the “mighty stupid looking guy” line was but a small sample the audience got. this started after he left the mist because like so many others he went looking for a coping mechanism and found laughter :) much healthier than some other people i could mention.

he’ll go to nail salons when he can. likes to be pampered a little bit -w- maybe it’s itachi rubbing off on him, bc he likes em too.

the ocean is his happy place. he’s spent days on end down there, it can make him sick bc even tho he can breathe underwater (a bonus headcanon??) he’s still warm blooded and still susceptible to motion sickness. but he loves being down there because things make sense. creatures are born, and if they reach maturity they mate and then they die. no one’s waging war on anyone else. his taxonomic recognition is unmatched too, he knows exactly what all the fish around kiri are and whether they’re a danger to your health.

[stripesquadsideblog]

I mean it would be criminal not to reblog this here

ok but i want you to consider Kagura joining the stripe squad and immediately realizing that they are the touchiest people he has ever. Met. In. His. LIFE. 

Of course there’s Shizuma, who’s in the middle of Kagura’s personal space every time he gets five seconds of free time, but Buntan likes to reach up and ruffle Kagura’s hair when she’s laughing and Hebiichigo climbs up on his shoulders to reach things without a second thought and Kyohou pats Kagura’s shoulder so hard his knees buckle and Hassaku likes to put his arm around people’s shoulders and Ichirouta is the least affectionate of the bunch but sometimes he taps Kagura to get his attention and just. leaves his hand there. 

It’s a bit strange and maybe overwhelming at first but as Kagura gets to know them all better it starts to become a comfort to him. 

In any universe where Itachi and Kisame are around you’d better believe Kisame picks up on how utterly touch-starved his new turtle child is, and the first time Kisame hugs him Kagura almost fucking cries at how nice it is to have some sort of figure in his life that’s going to watch over him and hum in the kitchen as he cooks and tell them all off when they get caught trying to steal things out of the Mizukage’s office. 

just. guys. pls suffer with me ok thanks bye

[stripesquadsideblog]

back up a second

do you see it?

take a closer look

 you mean like the place the stripe squad were sent for rehab?

NEW THEORY

Kiri is under equipped to look after their mentally unhinged hell spawn psychologically damaged youths so they send them to Sakura in Konoha.

the stripe squad are initially upset at being kicked out of their own village but as soon as they meet sakura everything changes: they dont have doctors like here in kiri, she radiates light and motherly love out of every pore. she shows them how wonderful konoha is/ its literally like fire and ice in comparison to kiri.

the stripe squad are so taken in because HOLY SHIT THIS PLACE IS NICE WHY DOES EVERYONE GET ALONG, WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR KAGE HAS NEVER KILLED ANYONE? WHATS THAT, NO CHASTE SYSTEM SO LITERALLY ANYONE CAN BE ANYTHING? 

sakura helps them because of course she does shes brilliant ( no body better come for my wifu shes amazing) and when it comes time to go “home” none of them can bring themselves to leave because they actually realise they hate kiri. you can talk about bad intentions as much as you like but something in their enviroment clearly drove the stripe kids to this and they are not going back to that.

not after sakura “the best mom ever” uchiha has showed them how good things can be.

[stripesquadsideblog]

has anyone ever thought about the stripe squads morning routines? like what do they have for breakfast? how do they do their hair? it's 930 and im sitting in the hairdressers and bored so let's do this

Buntan is probably up the earliest. she likes to watch the sunrise with breakfast but most days she'll settle having some peace and quiet before the others get up. it also means she can have a shower at her leisure maybe sit in her towel for a few hours before having to get ready. when she does get organized it's minamal effort for maximum impact. slicks back her hair , brushes her chompers and does her makeup. bam done 20 minutes top.

next up is ichirota. he's been awake for hours just lying in bed reading or something. when he lived at home he was always wakened at the crack of dawn. now hes always an early riser but enjoys being able to just lie at his leisure. ichirota takes ages to get ready. he's not vain per say , he just has 1 particular look he likes and will spend hours in the bathroom trying to get it right.

Hassaku is a morning person. he gets out of bed instantly as soon as he wakes up. he can fling back the covers dart to the bathroom and be ready for the day in under an hour.he likes to exercise in the morning too. that bein said he often fades in the mid morning afternoon time. he sometimes takes a nap, sometimes just goes for a walk to get some fresh air.

no one knows when Kyoho gets up. he sort of just appears silently mid morning, bowl of cherrios in hand like a well organized fog. looking put together and ready for the day dispite the fact no one's ever seen him sleep.

hebiichigo is up at all hours. sometimes buntan wakes to find her already partway through breakfast. sometimes they need kyoho and hassaku together to pry her from her bed at 3pm. no matter what time she gets up its breakfast. 4pm could roll around bout she's not doing jack shit till she has some tea and a bowl of coco puffs. it always takes her ages to get ready. she likes to sit in her pyjamas until someone forces her to get dressed. if she stopped complaining about getting ready and going UGGGGHHHHH at every alternate step she could be done in half the time.

Kagura doesn't sleep. he's just awake all day and all night like the living embodiment of anxiety. always dressed first BECAUSE THE DAY IS WASTING AND YOU NEED TO MAKE THE MOST OF IT.

Shizuma is almost as bad as hebiichigo. he does usually mange to get himself up and awake but he shuffles around like a sleep deprived zombie untill at least his 3rd cup of coffee.not a moring person never will be. he prefers to shower at night so he doesn't have to worry about it in the morn. but he almost always forget to brush out the wet hair before bed so he wakes up with a matted birds nest on the back of his head. it usually requires at least 3 of them with hair brushes to sort it.

[stripesquadsideblog]

Stripe Squad Phobias

So the power went out at my house

Just my house.

For like 2 hours.

I was just sitting in the dark and the cold with 1 candle and a scowl on my face not having a séance no matter what my facebook page says. 

So that got me thinking what are the stripe squads Phobias?

Check below for a part two where I do phobias for the akatsuki members(eventually)

For obvious reasons I’m going to try and tag this but if I miss something let me know  

Hassaku –Nyctophobia, fear of the dark

Hassaku doesn’t like the dark. I know that’s probably a fairly common one and probably a little clichéd. He's a very heavy sleeper but when he was a child he used to suffer from sleep paralysis and night terrors. He's grown out of it now but he still prefers to sleep with his curtains open to let in light from the moon or street lamps.

 Ichirota – Molysmophobia fear of dirt and germs

A fairly obvious one for him since I mentioned how much of a germophobe he was in my head canons for him. Ichirota doesn’t have ocd, there are no compulsions compelling him to have things clean per say. He also doesn’t obsess about it, he only begins to feel fear and anxiety if he's presented with a messy or dirty situation, rather than thinking about it all the time.

Ichirota is totally fine with being in any of the stripe squad’s personal space but as soon as someone has the sniffles he's out the door like a bat out of hell.

Buntan – Tokophobia fear of pregnancy

Buntan is disgusted by the thought of being pregnant. If her time of the month is even 1 day late you will probably find her trash full of negative pregnancy tests. She avoids children like the plague and can usually be found visibly flinching if she hears a screaming baby.

Everything about pregnancy and children scares her: the pain, having a thing growing in you, the responsibility over another little life. Not to mention the horrible memories of her own childhood that this all brings up.

Buntan wouldn’t be a terrible mother, she’d at least be better than her own mom but not by much.

Hebiichigo – Emetaphobia- fear of vomiting

Hebiichigo had stomach flu when she was a child and now as an adult suffers from migraines leading her to feel nauseous whenever she has one. The combination of these two things has lead her to become afraid of even thought of being sick. She panics and freezes if she feels even a little unwell and is totally petrified of the thought of getting food poisioning.In an attempt to help this she is an incredibly picky eater , only having a small range of things she feels safe and comfortable eating.

If she’s feeling brave she may eat something of someone else’s, that why she can be sure that if they don’t get sick she won’t either. 

Kyoho- Cynophobia  fear of dogs

Kyoho isn’t afraid of dogs in the traditional sense. He IS afraid of being bitten because he was pretty small when he was a kid (puberty hit him like a tonne of bricks) but he's more afraid of hurting THEM because of his size. Not a deep seeded fear like some of the others, there’s not a lot that can scare Kyoho to be honest.

Kagura and shizuma fear of losing control

Kagura and shizuma both have the same fear but in differing ways. Kagura fears losing control of himself. Shizuma fears losing control of everything around him.

For kagura he is afraid he will hurt the people around him. It’s a sort of ptsd for him in a sense since he did nearly hurt someone in the past. He knows Yaguras reputation (but not the whole genjutsu story ) so he's always been afraid to turn out like him. I think if he knew the truth his fears would lessen a little but not by much. He knows he's strong and that kind of power with his personality is always going to cause worry for him.

Having constant reassurance from people like chojuro and mei is doing wonders for him but at the end of the day he’ll always be a bit cautious.

Shizuma is nearly the opposite. Where kagura is content to go with the flow and let others make decisions ( thus lessening the pressure on him to get it right) Shizuma needs to have everything just so, exactly and precisely right by his standards. He doesn’t have ocd, I should stress.  He's not anxious and neurotic about things. But when shit hits the fan he gets violent and angry really easily , it’s his way of coping ( so rather than get anxious he gets mad. Will probably still wind up in tears if you push him hard enough)

Most of this I think stems from the fact he never had anyone praise him as a child. Nothing was ever good enough for his parents and now he seems to have gotten it into his head that he can make things “right” (read as: his way) if he maintains enough control over things.

Obviously that isn’t the way things really work, things are always going to be out of your control but Try telling that to shizuma.

[rjshepherd]

I mean I just thought it was one of those bs things parents tell their kids when they don't want to tell the truth " yeah Santa's real and your dad was one of the seven ninja swords men"

like buntan does have raiga's eyes but everyone in this world has mental eyes. like look at kakuzu. or literally anyone without pupils.

plus isn't Raiga a brunette (or close enough) and so is this mom character? now I only have a basic understanding of genes but I'm pretty sure brown + brown doesn't make blond

I'm sort of ok with her being raigas like I love the Writing in naruto but it's not exactly the the count of monte cristo in terms of complexity so I dont think they'd give a little throwaway character like buntan this complex of a back story

RAIGA had a DAUGHTER, did you see!!!!!!!!!?????????!!!!!!!!????????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????????!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????????????!?!?!?!??!!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!!?!??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????????????????????????!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????????!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!??!

Alright, alright, this is gonna get rambly, but hear me out:

*adjusts tin foil hat*

I’m sure none of this is intentional, and SP merely forgot their own canonical nuances in a rush to make this arc. I’m sure it was some combination of laziness and forgetfulness. Raiga is apparently a vague fever dream to most fans, however big of a shame that is. Naruto’s always sucked at Kirigakure consistency; I get it.

But, listen. Listen…

Episode 30 has me STUCK on the Orochimaru theory. I mean, I’m all for Raiga having a daughter! I love Buntan!! BUT I don’t think what they’ve given us makes a whole lot of sense. At least, not without someone like Orochimaru to fill in the gaps.

Based on what we’ve been given so far, I think we’re supposed to believe that Raiga went lucid and spent at least one night with a non-Ranmaru person whom he never buried alive (presumably because he didn’t interact with her again?). That person then went on to raise Raiga’s pointy-toothed daughter, pissed about the whole thing. She hates the man that Buntan is “just like.” Ostensibly, she hates Raiga.

But, wait. What’s this? Raiga’s daughter has pointed teeth, even in her childhood flashback!? And Raiga DOES NOT have pointed teeth!? Even though the Curry of Life arc is at least soft-canon now, since Buntan blamed Naruto for his demise? What’s up with that??

“They’re filed,” I hear you suggesting. But, by who? Buntan’s mom doesn’t seem to want ANYTHING to do with the person Buntan reminds her of– not even her adorable “I caught the moon!” optimism. Surely, she wouldn’t help her daughter file her teeth to fit in with the organization Raiga was a part of. Or, if it was Buntan, when did she get time away from her bucket-kicking, dream-crushing mom to file them down? Wouldn’t her mom stop her? Or pull all her teeth out, or something?

Sure, sure, there’s a chance Buntan’s mom likes the 7NS, but just not Raiga, and made some kind of a deal in which Buntan could join if she didn’t act like her father or take his swords (a deal Buntan made knowing full well she’d take his swords ANYWAY because YOU DON’T OWN ME MOM.)  But, if she’s had pointed teeth since she was a little kid, I think it might be more likely that they’re genetic, and there was nothing Buntan’s salty mom could do about them.

“Maybe Raiga’s non-pointy teeth were recessive.” Okay, that’s fair. But… BUT… bUT whAT IF OrochiMARU—

*Ahem* To get right to it, I find it deliciously plausible that Orochimaru made a deal with Buntan’s mom, in an effort to breed pointy-toothed trouble-makers. But, whatever he offered her, it wasn’t what she ended up with. She feels cheated by Orochimaru, and disgruntled with her lil’ moon-catching consolation prize.

Maybe she really DID like Raiga, and wanted his baby, but called shenanigans when the supposed child of Raiga that Orochimaru gave her had his eyes AND blond hair AND pointy teeth. Or, maybe she was expecting to meet the real Raiga, only to wake up pregnant in a cave somewhere with a kidney missing. Or, maybe she came to Orochimaru for fertility treatments or something, and ended up FURIOUS because sHE JUST WANTED A NORMAL BABY, AND YOU GAVE HER A SWORDSMAN!? WHAT’S UP WITH THESE KUROSUKI-LOOKIN’ EYES, OROCHIMARU!?!

*Gesturing rainbows* The options are ENDLESS when you’re with OROCHIMARUUUUUUUUUUU~

And, that’s the thing for me. Buntan being Raiga’s natural, no-shenanigans daughter requires a shortlist of specific assumptions and/or headcanons. Interesting, fair assumptions and/or headcanons, but still.

Orochimaru, on the other hand… well, you can more or less drop his name into this scenario and see the pieces line up, regardless of the specifics. He’s the easier option to me. And, if SP wants me to believe otherwise, they’ve gotta step their backstory game up and show me something indisputable. They’ve gotta make me Believe It™ And a daughter who only shares eyes with a father she’s never met and has a mother who looks nothing like her, nor is ever shown with the father, does NOT make me BELIEVE IT™

[stripesquadsideblog]

Meeting shizuma headcanons

For that lovely polite nonnie <3

 Hassaku

Shizuma found hassaku scurrying around in the dark of his villain lair hideout . hassaku was arguing with his family and gone out for a walk in monsoon season. He had ducked into the building to get out of the rain. Shizuma found him nearly asleep on one of the gantries. Startled and spoiling for a fight hassaku attacked shizuma but he was no match for him.  Shizuma can smell emotional vulnerability a mile away, like blood in the water .hassaku is in marvel at how easily this man knocked his ass to the ground and now? Listening to him is like savlon of the soul. When shizuma asks him to join him hassaku jumps at the chance .

Buntan

Buntan and shizuma met at the academy but not the way you’d think. They were in the same year but not the same class. They would occasionally make goo-goo eyes at one another across the canteen , buntans friends telling her to ask him out, but it never went any further than that. They didn’t have any real interaction until the chunin exams.

The year they graduated the exam took place in suna; all the kiri kids are water babes and as such they were suffering in suna’s dry heat. Buntan and Shizuma were paired up at random by their tutor for a quick sparing match early in the morning before it became too hot for them all. Buntan was taking her training seriously but shizuma was just playing around. As far as he was concerned the exam was beneath him. Buntan called him arrogant , until he told her it was beneath someone of  her skill too; buntan was struck dumb. Shizuma took advantage of the situation to win the match but honestly she couldn’t bring herself to bear much of a grudge .

Especially not after he invited her out for dinner to make up for it. They got to talking and realised how much they had in common ( regarding the blood mist anyway)

Theyve been pretty inseparably since.

Ichirota

Shizuma went looking for Ichirota.  Hes a year or two his senior so i doubt they were in the same class. He might have seen shizuma around the academy but its been implied that shizuma was a poor student so i doubt they associated much . mr Ichirota “perfect grade” oniyuzu does not affiliate with second class low achieving scum. Especially not a low chaste member of kiri like a hoshigaki.

Ichirota is terminally bored of life. Hes looking for anything to make things interesting for him . no one is more surprised than Ichirota when shizuma slides into his life with his ideas of revolution.. it doesn’t take long for Ichirota to become completely devoted to the idea and by affiliation, shizuma.

 Hebiichigo

Hebiichigo was out of the academy for over a year before she met shizuma. They were both on penance for botched missions at the time: doing menial labor around kiri . hebii is tiny. Labor is not for her, she tried to tell the powers that be that she couldn’t do something like that but no one listened. Bitter and grumpy everyone else on penance avoided her for fear of stabbing. nobody noticed hebiichigo get knocked over and stuck under a pile of logs . shizuma herd her swearing and squeeking by accident and simply came over to investigate out of curiosity. He eventually got her out, after about 20 minutes of laughing and even offered to help  her finish her work as a reward for giving him a good laugh.

He then discovered that hebiichigo has a damn good right hook. He recruited her because she is mean as all hell and always ready to fight. if youre going to war you need an angry goblin like hebiichigo

Kyoho

No one knows where shizuma found kyoho. He speaks so little the only reason everyone in the stripe squad knows his name is even kyoho is because he has it on the door of his room.

The prevailing theory is that kyoho used to participate in a lot of underground illegal sparing matches in and around kiri. They’re pretty popular since fighting to the death is discouraged now  thanks chojuro . they think shizuma must have gone to watch or participate and found kyoho down there like some sort of kiri god of war. Impressed by his bloodlust and sheer strength there was no way shizuma was going to leave someone of his skill alone. He just sort of showed up one day with a suitcase ( no one knows what was in it) and moved in to their hideout. Shizuma just acted like it was totally normal and everyone was too freaked out by this behemoth of a man showing up on their doorstep to ask.

Kagura

Shizuma only took the position of senpai at the academy teaching all those little snotty brats how not to use a sword  because his parents told him it would be good for him ( or rather they said do it or suffer our wrath)  Shizuma was just a bored instructor half heartedly supervising until he saw kagura. He’d heard the rumours ; that Yaguras grandson was in the academy, but he didn’t believe it until he saw kagura for himself. Ever since then kept an uncomfortably close eye on kagura waiting for the chance to  get closer to him.

Kagura being the little cinnamon roll he is never noticed shizuma trying to monopolise his time, never realised that shizuma was the one spreading rumours about kaguras viciousness around the academy in an attempt to drive him to shizumas side. Not until it was too late anyway

 BONUS

Tsurushi Hachiya

Tsurushi fell in with shizuma totally by accident and got too deep in way to fast. The light closed above him and now he was sort of stuck with a crazed murderer. He knew from the start that this new group of friends was bad news but he didn’t care. He had a group of “friends” who listened to him, who looked up to him. Shizuma saw he had a large following of blind fools who just wanted to cause trouble

Their first meeting was cool enough. Shizuma took him and a load of others out to dinner , flaunting his power by getting them a private table in the back room. Tsurushi felt like a kid at the adults table but he didn’t care because this was just so cool!.

Things  were going swimmingly...untill shizuma reviled he knew several of his minions had betrayed him. Their food poisoned they were dead within minutes leaving the rest him stairing in abject horror while the rest of the table looked on in apathy.

Shizuma could only smile at his reactions.”how cute” he had said. Tsurushi wasn’t used to death, especially not when it had fallen on his lap before the hors d'oeuvres.  It didn’t occur to Tsurushi until much later that this wasn’t just an efficient way to get rid of his enemies; it was a warning to him and him specifically. “ this is what happens when you mess with me.”

Tsurushi will forever be grateful to boruto and sarada for getting him out of that situation and putting shizuma away.

[stripesquadsideblog]

Hebiichigo Head canons

not many NSFW this time. i kinda have more on her but ill maybe put that in a part 2 or something

Girl is weird. Like not fun weird. like into taxidermy and” do you want to see my collection of broken wing mirrors “weird.

Defiantly the oldest member of the stripe squad despite her size and she wont let them forget it

She acts like a grandma and uses phrases like “back in my day”

Even though she is at max 9 months older than everyone else

Unsurprisingly she is into needlepoint, felting and sewing. She really loves stabbing stuff 1000+ times and calling it art  . she and deidara would get along because murder art friends

Very cynical and jaded. Her eyes aren’t naturally that semi-circle shape, theyve just gone like that over the years because shes always staring at people with faint suspicion

Sort of lowkey depressed her whole life. Would be the first to make that “you wana die? Um kinda” joke.

I think shes got some sort of skin thing going on under her big baggy jumper. Im not sure if its dermatillomania and therefore a mental thing or something more physical and closer to psoriasis. Either way the lack of sunlight and vitamin D available in Kiri means it just refuses to heal .

She scratches her itchy skin constantly which is no end of annoying to people, particularly ichrota. You can usually find her by listening for a faint “scritch scritch scritch” noise .

There have been windows broken and rooms destroyed because hebii insisnts on scratching and Ichirota insists its not sanitary and she needs to stop

She bites her nails too which is just extra ick, no wonder her skin won’t heal.

She’d sooner go naked than wear anything tight or form fitting. 90% of her wardrobe is black turtle neck sweaters

Despite being sadistic as all hell she has a lot of touch aversion and cant stand being in pain. Hence why she prefers to fight from a distance.

She is terrified of seagulls and pretty much all ocean birds. They seem to hold special hatred for her as every time she goes out she gets attacked by one.

She also holds special hate/fear in her heart for horses. THEYRE BIG AND THEYRE BITE-Y, SHUT UP ICHIROTA.

Refuses to go easy on the black eyeliner/lipstick  regardless of how chapped her lips are or how many times shes gotten pink eye from sleeping in her makeup

Unlike a lot of small people she loves to be picked up and carried. Kiri is a big place and she has short legs and all this revolution takes a lot of walking

For the sake of argument im going to say shes NOT directly related to kushimaru. Maybe in the same clan but hes defiantly not her dad.

Her parents aren’t actually even ninja. Theyre lawyers ( or the ninja world equivilant) hebiichigo is another of the stripe squad with parents who are wealthy enough to give her  whatever she wanted but kind of let her down in the love department.

Hebiichigos parents didn’t really plan her. Now that shes around they see her as a bit of a nuisance ( but theyre not cruel enough to tell her that)  they went on vacations without her, disapeare for weeks on business trips without as much as note on the fridge and never attend any of her important events( graduations, birthdays, treason trial etc)

Even when she calls them, crying her eyes out to come and defend her after the field trip incident they don’t treat her like their daughter. They treat her like a client : cold and matter of factly . even on the car ride home ( they did manage to get her released on bail) they don’t try to console her or even find out why she did what she did.

I have big feels about the stripe squads families but ive gone on enough here

Hebiichigo was mostly raised by nannies and maids who never really cared for her, they were just doing their job.  I suppose thats why she doesn’t really know how to care about people now.

She is the stripe squads best drinker. Loves sake and whisky neat. Never really gets all that drunk mind you.

She does however get bad hangovers. Every time it happens she swears shes getting too old for this shit and promises not to do it again.

Her drinking buddy was buntan before she gave it up

She also likes to have a casual smoke with her on the roof of their hideout. Hebiichigo is a much heavier smoker than buntan but she is trying to cut down.

She actually needs glasses. They really help her with her long range fighting . as shes gotten older shes tried to make the move to contact lenses with moderate success. If shes just lounging around the hideout she’ll probably be wearing her glasses.

Her favourite food is tea. Any kind of tea. If she hasn’t got a sword in her hand ( or a dirty novel) she will likely be drinking a cup of tea.

Her least favourite is anything greasy. She hates fried food or even anything with oil in it. She claims it upsets her stomach but everyone suspects shes just being picky

NSFW below the cut

Girl loves BL, Yuri and hardcore hentai manga. They are stacked floor to ceiling in her bedroom. She left one of the more questionable titles sitting on the coffee table one time and Kyoho read it. Hes never quite recovered and visibly flinches every time he sees her reading.

She prefers not to put a particular label on her sexuality. Girl is game for just about anything: boys girls, solo or otherwise. She is also up for just about any kink as long as shes the one in control.

Hebiichigo is perverse to an insane degree. Even buntan, the girl who knows everything there is to know about sex , gets confused by some of Hebiichigos dirty jokes.

Even though they’re best buds/gal pals now hebii and buntan did not get off to a good start. Hebiichigo decided to introduce herself by grabbing buntans breasts from behind. Buntan then as now being utterly repulsed by sexual contact responded by daggering Hebiichigo in the face. She now has a tiny scar on her forehead that she hides with her bangs.

Buntan took to calling her Hebitchigo for quite some time till they discovered a shared love of putting other people down

[stripesquadsideblog]

how would the stripe squad react to something annoying them?

alt title> caxy is pissed at everyone and everything....wonder what the stripe squad would do in these circumstances

ok so i know this should be a long one since the obvious answer for all the stripe squad is “stab them” but lets pretend for a second they arent all mad as a bag of cats and are capable of  thinking things through

Ichirota

im guessing he has the shortest fuse of the stripe squad but hes not the type to fly off the handle . like he’ll get annoyed and complain but hes not going to go off on one.  worst case scenario he’ll throw a tantrum but usually he’ll just grumble and complain at the thing/person that’s causing him to be annoyed until it rectifies itself 

Hassaku

hassaku is a bundle of anxiety tbh. if he gets annoyed its more likely because something is making him anxious rather than angry. he is prone to the odd outburst but nothing major. if something was ticking him off he’d sooner escape the situation than get mad and make it worse.

the one and only thing that would make him pull out his hair is when someone or something is going slower than it needs to. ESPECIALLY when he’s in a hurry

Buntan 

Buntan doesnt get PO’d a lot but when she does may heaven have mercy. she is very vindictive and petty towards anyone or anything that might seriously annoy her. she once duct-taped ichirota to his bed when he used all the hot water before she could get a post mission bath. someone ate her leftover chinese food so she threw out all the food in the fridge so everyone would be hungry . 

Hebiichigo 

Hebiichigo spends so much time off the handle she doesnt even remember what the handle looks like. its almost impossible to tell what will set her off. she does come off with some of the most absurd and hilarious one-liners to express her rage such as “ who in shitting hell needs the heat up to 80 degrees” or  “ what fuck butt used up all the clean towels” and her personal favorite “ which one of you ass monkeys (insert trivial thing here)”

that being said shes also quick to calm down again and doesnt REALLY hold a grudge 

Kyoho

kyoho doesnt really get annoyed. even if something does make him angry hes the type to grit his teeth and smile through it. in otherwords- angry kyoho is terrifying. there is nothing scarier than someone who can smile while they’re plotting your murder.

the thing that annoys him most is when the stripe squad is arguing and he as the designated  ‘sensible one’ has to mediate. this usually entails picking the offending members up by the scruff of the neck and smiling at them scarily until they stop.

Kagura

another ‘sensible one’ kaguras main job within the stripe squad seems to be getting annoyed whenever anyone does something stupid because someone has to.  he doesnt express anger very often and even when he does its usually a disapproving scowl. his version of being annoyed  is usually just blindly agreeing with the stripe squads antics , forcing a smile and a pleasant attitude and then screaming into the void when he has a moment alone.

Shizuma

shizuma is the annoying thing. hes made it his lifes mission to aggravate as many people as possible and hes doing pretty fucking well. shizuma doesnt get angry himself he gets vengeful. hes not as petty as buntan but he is much more vindictive. shizuma is sitting on a little throne made from other peoples secrets and if anyone even looks at him wrong he is ready to spill that tea. what pisses him off the most? hmm probably people sticking their noses in HIS business. 

[ironharvests]

on kiri nin and soulmates.

re: that "kiri-nin believe in soul mates" headcanon by forgivememadreforihavesinned, the belief in soul mates is pretty common among kirigakure's shinobi ( much less so among the civilian population, and for good reasons ). i also headcanon that there is a word for soulmates that is unique to the core languages of water country; i just haven't decided what yet. anywho! here's how the kiri-nin on this blog feel about soulmates.

byakuren: doesn't 100% believe in soulmates, but is open-minded and willing to be proven wrong. the closest he gets to such a thing is his belief that some men are blessed with a Calling that they are meant to aspire to, and it is their life's mission to fulfill it. he also believes in the unique bond between brothers-in-arms. later in life his belief increases, but he thinks that every person has three soulmates: one that feeds the good in them, one that encourages the evil in them, and one that does neither.

shizuma: believes. he doesn't think it's automatically romantic, but he does think there are people out there who you're meant to find because they make you the best version of who you're meant to be, and that you cannot reach your true potential until you find them. shizuma believes buntan is his soulmate.

utakata: doesn't believe ( to be honest he thinks it's a child's tale that swam into the mainstream ), but is open-minded and doesn't care if you do. he also fully allows that he could be wrong and might fall in love with someone some day, but he doubts it, because "if soulmates are real then they are spared for the rare and select few, of which i am not one." if anything he believes one can have a "soulmate in abstraction": some people go through life with pain, suffering, and misery as their constant companions, and utakata thinks that, perhaps, that too is a type of soulmating.

kimimaro: believes in soulmates, doesn't believe it's necessarily romantic. he also thinks there can be unrequited soulmates, as confusing as that is. he spends much of his teenage years thinking orochimaru is/was his soulmate.

ameyuri: doesn't believe in destiny or fate, does believe in gods, and just BARELY believes in soulmates. she believes that the gods give all men a weakness as a means of curbing their ambitions, and that that weakness is one's soulmate. she fucking hates the idea. it makes her livid just to think about it. she hates the idea of being controlled so much that if she thought she had met her match she would kill them without hesitation. fuck you. fuck this. fuck that. fuck all y'all.

( bonus ) haku: doesn't believe in soulmates or gods, for that matter. they think the soulmate concept removes the humanity, intentionality, and labor required in finding, feeding, and protecting love. love is labor. that's what haku loves about it. @icecurse

[ironharvests]

headcanon: shizuma + home.

you know that phrase “don’t make places out of people”? yeah, shizuma is the opposite of that.

home is people, and, like everything else about shizuma, this belief manifests viscerally. when you love someone, you let them carve a home in your heart. it’s ugly, and violent, and messy, and euphoric, and intimate in a way you won’t find anywhere else. ( he fundamentally believes you can identify true love by how much you’re willing to sacrifice, suffer, and bleed for it, but that’s another headcanon for another time. ) home is other people. it’s codependency, messiness, obligation, manipulation, and enough love to choke on. home is a shared space, a battleground, a constant give and take. he believes that when he’s with someone he loves, with his soulmate(s), it won’t matter if he has nothing to his name, because everything he needs is in that person. obviously it isn’t a perfect relationship by any means, and it’s definitely unhealthy and a product of his insecurity and maladaptive coping mechanisms, but it would be a lie to say his love isn’t real. it’s real. it’s just also really bad for you in the long term, probably, which is why his ideal long term partner thus far has been buntan @bredfaith; they are equally problematic and it works for them.

as for his physical home, shizuma moved out of the mizukage’s home when he was around sixteen and into a cheap apartment in the poorer district of kirigakure with several of the new seven. like any real cult of personality leader, he needs to remain in close proximity to his flock to maintain his control over them, so it was in his best interest to get them all under one roof. i’m sure they don’t all live with him though — but not for lack of trying.

[not-so-terrible]

So was that shark lookin dude in boruto actually related to kisame?

They’re both a part of the Hoshigaki clan, so definitely distantly related to a degree, depending on how large the clan is/was. I need to go back and fully translate it, but there’s also a brief section in the novelisation where Shizuma is mentioned as admiring Kisame, and that Shizuma was a more typical Hoshigaki and Kisame was a rare exception in terms of appearance and skillset. It does seem weird that Kisame isn’t mentioned in the anime arc at all though, especially given he was the most recent and famous wielder - even when recapping them as they get the swords, Shizuma notably doesn’t join in, and Buntan’s monologue about her father living and dying with comrades who shared his dream fits Kisame more than Raiga. On one hand they don’t share many physical features, but on the other it would be a rare exception to not have them directly related after Mitsuki and Buntan (and possibly now Kashin Koji) - I’d almost be more impressed with the creators restraint if they have Shizuma be a distant relative and avoid the trend? Though it wouldn’t stop me using it as the perfect excuse for an AU kid -  in my fics/brain my headcanon is that he’s a distant cousin who Kisame adopts (either through rescuing him as an abandoned kid in the Land of Water in canonverse, or as a foster in a modern day au), but as for canon we’ll have to wait and see when/if the Kiri nin make a return.