#Brb gonna order pizza

[venus0fl0v3]

He got hungry

He bought a pizza

[lady-maria-the-wolf225]

The bros chatting with each other by group chat:

Leo: Hey guys. can you help get Donnie out of his lab? he hasn't been out of there since last night. Raph: I'll go check on him. BRB *LEAVES CHAT* Mikey: what up bros? forgot the group chat was still on.

Leo: we're waiting for Donnie. Raph is fetching him.

Raph: *JOINS THE CHAT* HAHAHAHA!!! yo! Donnie. what the fuck bro?

Leo: uhh why are you laughing?

Raph: Donnie is watching some hentai! Donnie: *JOINS THE CHAT* what the hell Raph!! not cool! I simply told you guys not to disturb me while I'm having time for myself! Mikey: Donnie was beating his meat? that's fucking awesome!

Donnie: Shut up Mikey! I've caught you red handed watching all kinds of Hentai from my monitors, last week! and that doesn't make us even!

Mikey: so? I'm not the one paying a $15 monthly Membership on April's Credit Card just to watch hot anime chicks with giant Jahoobies getting deflowered and knocked up in the end. I prefer to watch my own hentai for free without paying a single penny. Donnie: says the Big Baby that cries every time he get rejected by a real girl. Leo: Donnie. you gotta admit. we barely see you watch anything porn related. not until now. pretty much me, Raph, and Mikey watches Hentai or porn out on the open. Donnie: that's because you guys are more open on wanting to have sex with a real girl! I'm just a really shy guy and I like to watch this stuff in private!

Raph: so what? and...why are you using April's credit card? you could just go to that Hentai Haven website which CLEARLY it's all you can watch for free!

Donnie: first of all, we don't have our OWN bank accounts! second, that IS the Website I am using! I just hate limited stuff I can and can't watch! Leo: well, does April know you do this kind of stuff?

Donnie: what!? no!

Mikey: *Smirks* Too late. Donnie: what mean too-*See's a text from April*......MIKEYYYY!! WHY WOULD YOU TELL HER!!? Raph: Stop being a pussy Donnie. Only a REAL MAN would confess to a girl about using her credit card on shit he is not supposed to buy. and plus, that card was supposed to be for our pizza deliveries! not cartoon pornos!

Donnie: oh yeah!!? Raph, you used the card for a goddamn realistic sex doll a couple months back! that fucking thing was over $5,000 to be exact! Raph: you take that back you loli loving nerd! I bought it for a good reason! Leo: Sorry Raph. but I kinda had fun with it last week.

Raph: what the actual fuck Leo! now I know why the neck, tits, and arms have giant bite marks along with it being super sticky!

Mikey: Actually, Leo and I had a three way with it. who knew fucking the back door and then switching to the cooch while it's being sandwiched in between would be that great to help with our frustrations. and we didn't know it had a moaning feature too! that was great!

Raph: FUUUUCK!!!! *LEAVES CHAT*

Leo: Hey Mikey. wanna watch some of that Hentai?

Donnie: you can watch it with me Leo. but not you Mikey! you just lost your Hentai Privileges for a whole month!

Mikey: Come on Man! no fair!

Donnie: I'm out. *LEAVES CHAT*

Leo: damn. sorry Mikey. *LEAVES CHAT*

Mikey: *sighs* I'm gonna go order me some a flesh light!

@nittleboo @thelaundrybitch @turtlesmakemehappy @mysticboombox @lazytyphooncollector @raphsweapondealer @raphslovemuffin80 @raphielover @meeplovestmnt @chicchanmooshy @nikitaboeve @roxosupreme @exovapor @post-apocalyptic-daydream @turtle-babe83

[systemerrorbonnie]

🥺🥺 am mow happy stimming !!! n :ooo thatz fun :] ive never used any b4!!

=:D!!!!! THATZ SO GOOD!!! ilysm <333

[nochiquinn]

campaign 3 episode 18: aggressive gardening

I'M HERE I was playing persona

!!

now I get to watch everyone spell ashly's name wrong for two weeks and die a little inside every time

(the searchable transcripts do it too which gets. confusing.)

the power of Imagination and Crab

not over matt in a ponytail

I also have a weird affection for Big Scary Monster Noise Face Matt

me trying to tell my partner about the bags but he got a new phone today so I don't exist until at least tomorrow afternoon

"most fairies deserve it"

oh right at the top?? I'm just gonna sleep through this episode huh

MAP

TREES

Big Fanged Thing With A Fairy Tail

I don't know enough about Fairy Tail to dispute that

imogen is the andrenaline jolt that wakes me up out of almost-nightmares

matt stick your hand back down in the map cam I wanna look at your nails

aw he didn't say toothy maw

OH WAIT I didn't get my bingo card brb

a WHAT attack

it WHAT

"I'm going to. shit."

poison bleach spray

"I knew I should have brought the sage"

EXCUSE ME

sometimes flavor text is simply unneccesary

"like you're in young frankenstein"

fcg: help it's again

social link rank up

taliesin: that's a lot of dice

matt: that's is :)

"you can do anything you want, just not move or attack"

"oh it's a PARTY monster"

"it's about to shit another fairy!" "that's how fairies are made"

ashton sounds like me when I fell down the stairs today

"metabolism is off the FUCKING charts"

Shards of Muck

ray of frost should do extra damage bc it's a plant

you split those hairs laura

mala: laura bailey knows her rights

is that rain in the set background? it looks like petals

return of jester

alternately, jotun imogen

OH it was snow, matt's phone made it snow

"that was AMAZING. what is HAPPENING."

laura's been binge-reading the phb huh

I'm just picturing an Ochu from final fantasy ngl

travis trying to whisper at laura across the table before just snatching up his phone to text her

TWO LEGENDARY ACTIONS

"it doesn't mean it's legendary it means I had to buff it to make it fair against you monsters"

did travis "broke not one but two stress balls" willingham SEE a kid chew a pen to death

the return of flaming minxie

pizza hole

"WHAT'S A PIZZA"

what the fuck's a samoflange

"don't go to plantdick.com" alright who's already purchased it

look it's a higher number than 0 and therefore it's useful

pretty sure travis meant "chlorophyll piece of shit", not "chloroform"

"that literally made my eye twitch"

I didn't note marisha saying "I don't have time to make a third character" earlier but I'm noting it now

"roll a d6" ".....why?!"

"it's just acid"

marisha coming out of her perch and almost also out of her chair

"because I'm undead motherfucking BITCH"

"do you see visions of whitestone andy flash before your eyes"

"did you see whitestone andy's cameo in legends of vox machina?" "yeah, he was the next rope over"

laura beating liam up

looking forward to this art

"I died AGAIN"

the spidercrawl

NO EAT ROBIT

I gotta step away, nobody die

werechihuahua

what did travis put on marisha's cup

I enjoy the visual of this as a final fantasy limit break

I've said from the start this campaign makes me think of final fantasy, this is the logical extension

life needs liquid to live

"you gotta trust your instincts" "I don't know if I should"

if there is an animal ashley will give it scritches, even if that animal is one of her teammates

yes hype your girl up

"the power to turn blue"

"I've got so many weird rocks on me!"

chetney change back for the love of god

what is An Imogen

despite everything, it's still you

taliesin apologizing to the audience

liam

"last thing I think of before I die"

laura looking at matt like "I see what you're doing and I'm not impressed"

fearne discovers maple syrup

imogen cosplayers swearing up a storm as they order blue body paint off amazon

you could say they're.........turning the air blue

matt's face

"you should totally get some titty tassels"

laudna makes titty tassels with bones on them

travis "push the button" willingham

"this is not a real place, we're fine"

these were apparently done by kami, who did the c2 intro and the d&d beyond video!

oh, huh. missed this at the top of the show

OMAR

that looks like the exact amount of chaos I was missing

but do we get comfy matt back

I enjoy that they have the "glorious" voice line bc they know they're gonna be making gilmore merch forever

AS THEY SHOULD

adder dragonborn ADDER DRAGONBORN

"will it help if they actually sing something entertaining right now" "if it were anyone but sam I'd say yes; it's too easy"

I love that this is just how firbolgs sound

just openly begging fearne not to steal

taliesin

"if you're looking for a book repository......we're in a fucking swamp"

sam broke them all with his gas can

oh she has Rey hair

chetney cannot be trusted with this task

just get one room. you know better.

I am suffering the curse of a high-octane first half: no attention span for the second half

at least !uptime says there's only about a half an hour left

manufactured sideburns

"you couldn't afford me, honey"

"doesn't know where to put them or how to put them back" I am called out

"you're gonna fight the old guy" I mean that's what happened last time

[1zashreena1]

Quarantine- New Ranch Flavor! -5

18+, m/f, technically OCxDiego Jimenez [Power]

Summary: Princess is stranded in NYC with her Murder Panther for the duration of the quarantine. As a high risk patient she has no choice but to isolate as much as possible. Simulated domesticity ensues. Princess texts a running commentary to her bff Lisa.

WARNINGS: Ridiculous descriptions and ‘the code is more like guidelines’ outlook on grammar. Is it OOC if the character was given essentially zero development in canon???

No actual smut, nasty ass snack foods, plus size insecurity, unprotected sex, feels are icky, plus size woman+fit man, bad boys with too much money and not enough impulse control, secondary OCs, excessive swearing (???), illegal business dealings… I mean, its DIEGO

A/N: Princess took on a life of her own and has essentially become an OC. There are infrequent mentions of her description (specifically as plus size) and her actual name in later pieces (its Bicki). She started as self-insert so she looks like me (plus size, white, short, blue eyes, curly hair). If that is not your thing, I totally understand. And do not feel obligated to read this, I will not be offended!

I’m not a fan of “plot” so be aware that most of this series is just meandering through their relationship, angst-fluff-smut whiplash style. But with dick jokes.

TAGLIST: @chelsfic​ @symbiont13​ @nicke0115​ @bunnykjm​ @rosee-sensuelle​ @girlpornparadise​ @mandoplease​ @heresathreebee​ @xxsteph-enrixx​ @jetiikad​ @joalsglasses​ @mutantcookiesecrets​ @demoncatstone​ @squidlywiddly87​

Please let me know if you would like to be tagged.

~~~

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Thursday 11:22am

From Princess

Day 1 and I literally have an ice pack on my pussy and

Hold on he’s not wearing pants again gtg

~~~

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Friday 9:49am

From Princess

Video chatting with sister when Diego walks past in the background… shirtless.

She put her phone down (my entire screen was just ceiling) and I could hear her crying. Hung up after 10 min

~~~

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Friday 10:14pm

From Princess

He sucks ass at Jenga and its adorable

~~~

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Saturday 11:49am

From Princess

I was provided a to-do list for the day.

It's just his name

~~~

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Sunday 1:32pm

From Princess

We have sorted every liquid in the penthouse into 2 categories:

Potential Lube

Definitely Not Lube

Except we’re arguing about ranch dressing

~~~

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Sunday 2:17pm

From Princess

Update: Ranch went into the Not Lube category because it “smells nasty when it gets warm” This fact was previously unknown to me and I was afraid to ask for more details

~~~

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Monday 8:40am

From Princess

Morning announcements include the fact that 8:37 is the earliest he has ever gotten up

I’m worried about losing my job. Diego advises me to apply to Dyson because I “never lose suction”

Am I offended or proud of myself?  It’s not even 9am

~~~

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Tuesday 1:12am

From Princess

This is the most weed I have ever consumed in my life (I know, not a high bar) Why is he hanging upside down off the couch making motorboat noises??

~~~

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Tuesday 1:14am

From Princess

Ahh. He was composing a poem about my tits

~~~

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Tuesday 2:49am

From Princess

The railing up the stairs to the bedroom does not in fact support my weight. Pole dance competition is OFF

~~~

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Tuesday 2:57am

From Princess

You know that thing you do with my bras? Where you put it on like a headband and it makes mickey mouse ears?

~~~

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Wednesday 11:17am

From Princess

Julio required to give 10 min warning prior to arrival so Diego can take off his pants

Yes you read that right

Freak

~~~

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Wednesday 11:19am

From Princess

Yes you do so know who Julio is. Big, round, only wears ivory/eggshell/off white/ThisIsMy 2ndWedding  colored blazers. Jeez Lisa you're not old enough for dementia yet girl

~~~

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Wednesday 12:52pm

From Princess

I have played myself. Just ate an entire cheesesteak while being a cockwarmer

Turns out I’m the freak

Julio present and accounted for

~~~

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Thursday 9:37am

From Princess

He’s crunching  a bowl of something via spoon. I ask what it is. Crushed cheez-its and mayonnaise. What in the actual fuck this man is a literal monster

~~~

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Thursday 12:10pm

From Princess

Edible body paint works on windows. Had to sit on his shoulders but this is the largest ‘FUCK’ I have ever written. Very proud

~~~

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Thursday 12:22pm

From Princess

Bottom half of the ‘C’ has transferred onto my ass. But 7 orgasms. Pick your battles

~~~

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Thursday 11:47pm

From Princess

Tried a pickled habanero. He’s still face down in the rug crying with laughter. It’s been 10 min dude come on

~~~

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Friday 10:12am

From Princess

Me: Why are you so heavy?

Diego: I keep eating you

Me: High five

~~~

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Friday 3:17pm

From Princess

He’s trying to “conduct business” via 3 cellphones. Would offer my tablet but I’m too pretty for prison. Gonna take a nap

~~~

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Friday 4:41pm

From Princess

Pants are forbidden in the bedroom. We’re just making the rules up as we go I see

~~~

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Saturday 9:59am

From Princess

He’s sitting in the corner of the window walls staring dejectedly outside. I hear the tiniest forlorn whisper “THOSE people are outside”

Too cute--must blow---BRB

~~~

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Saturday 1:32pm

From Princess

Angry texting. Muttering “No I can’t go outside and no you can’t come in here. Bitch…. No no, delete delete delete”

Me:  Where is your sister anyway? LA?

Him: Very Squinty Eyes

~~~

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Saturday 9:22pm

From Princess

My ass is stuck in the kitchen sink. While he was very helpful getting me in here he is of no assistance getting me out.

~~~

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Saturday 11:46pm

From Princess

Apparently ‘douchecanoe twatwaffle jerkface’ is the most hilarious insult he has ever heard. My brilliance is unparalleled

~~~

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Sunday 5:51am

From Princess

Me: Hey what’s the worst thing you’ve ever put in your mouth?

Him outrageously offended: I’m not answering that!

Him:  ... you first

~~~

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Sunday 7:12pm

From Princess

Is it a legit massage if he has to pause in the middle to jack off?

~~~

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Monday 11:06am

From Princess

Ordered groceries via Amazon Prime drone delivery. Sitting on the rooftop patio wrapped up together in a ginormous blankie waiting.

Does this count as a date?

~~~

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Monday 1:13pm

From Princess

Drone arrived. I lost my shit. Coolest thing ever. He’s frantically ordering more stuff because I haven’t looked this ecstatic since the time he rubbed my feet then went down on me for 2 hrs

Hold up change of plans

~~~

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Monday 2:28pm

From Princess

stubble burn on bottom of feet :-/

~~~

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Monday 6:44pm

From Princess

We can both fit in the jacuzzi tub. Almost drowned when his phone rang and we both spazzed out

~~~

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Tuesday 10:10am

From Princess

Today’s formal edict: He will only be referring to himself in the 3rd person. I am required to do as told. Should not be this turned on

~~~

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Tuesday 11:58am

From Princess

Watching him try to answer calls like this is a level of hilarity I could not have predicted

~~~

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Tuesday 1:53pm

From Princess

He gave me a crash course in chem. Still don’t know anything but it was hot as hell

~~~

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Tuesday 2:57pm

From Princess

Despite all evidence to the contrary I’m a Good Girl. Did as I was told. Got rewarded. 13 times

~~~

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Tuesday 5:33pm

From Princess

Unlocked a tiny piece of tragic backstory*™: He’s never been to a zoo   :-(

~~~

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Wednesday 11:24am

From Princess

Julio and Bastian brought 4 pizzas. Currently eating them individually sitting in a giant square in the living room SOCIAL DISTANCING

Like he wasn’t inside me 10 min ago wtf

~~~

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Wednesday 11:25am

From Princess

Yes cute driver Bastian. Btw you are barking up the wrong tree girl. His favorite animal is bears lol

~~~

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Wednesday 12:39pm

From Princess

Garlic butter: lube or no? Round table discussion happening.

~~~

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Wednesday 1:19pm

From Princess

I won in favor of No

Me: slams hands down on table

Me: HAVE YOU EVER HAD A YEAST INFECTION???

All men present:   :-[

                             :-[

                             :-[

~~~

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Wednesday 1:32pm

From Princess

Diego: puts garlic butter cup in the empty box and slides the whole mess off table to the floor without breaking eye contact. My sugar daddy is truly a murder panther

~~~

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Wednesday 3:49pm

From Princess

Flipping channels (he only has 5000) when he comes downstairs from the bedroom wearing Ginormous Blankie as cape.

Him: Can we do the thing again?

Me: Gotta be way more specific babe

Him: Flaps blankie like wings and gives me puppy dog eyes

Him: You know. Thing. On the roof. ...please?

Did

Did he just ask me to cuddle???

~~~

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Wednesday 5:58pm

From Princess

Can confirm roof cuddles.  He fell asleep with his face mashed into my neck-shoulder after watching sunset. Every time I move he whimpers and squeezes tighter. I don't know what is happening but it kinda hurts in my chest

~~~

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Wednesday 9:12pm

From Princess

Me: You know those girls you send away when I come up? There's one that sorta begrudgingly likes me?

Him, stuffing a 2nd Oreo into his mouth(there's already a whole 1 in there)

Him: Frahnthessga?

Me: Yeah! Can I fuck her?

….I should worry about my job again pretty sure Murder Panther Sugar Daddy is dead

~~~

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Wednesday 10:48pm

From Princess

We splintered the plexiglass-divider-shower-wall thingy. His solution was to just hold all 215lbs of me up in the air and finish. I have no words

~~~

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Thursday 4:12am

From Princess

I can hear him on the phone downstairs listing names. I don't know these people. I'm going in the bathroom to run water so I can't hear anything else

~~~

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Thursday 9:02am

From Princess

I slept thru a breakfast meeting. There's a laptop  and a box of 1 doz Boston cream donuts labeled PRINCESS on the bar counter. He's watching news with Julio + Bastian on the couch. Odd but ok I got fave donuts so whatevs

~~~

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Thursday 9:17am

From Princess

On 3rd donut when I catch him staring. Can only see from eyes up bc he's peering at me over back of the couch. Have inadvertently activated Horny Murder Panther mode via accidental slutty licking of cream filling. 

~~~

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Thursday 11:40am

From Princess

Me: I don't like avocado

Diego: bitch what the fuck 

~~~

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Thursday 12:10pm

From Princess

He asked what the deal was with white people and meatloaf. I requested clarification on food or music. He's confused it's fucking adorable

BUT NOW I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THE ENTIRE GENRE OF CLASSIC ROCK

~~~

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Thursday 2:14pm

From Princess

I'm making a meatloaf for dinner. Also brownies. TV is still on???

~~~

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Thursday 4:24pm

From Princess

Found a big round can of guava paste in the back of the fridge. He's spoon feeding it to me while watching me make meatloaf

Diego: I did not realize you were so… domesticated

Me, no brain to mouth filter: Yeah well gettin dicked down 3x a day will do that to a girl

Please send hitman asap 

~~~

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Thursday 5:10pm

From Princess

He just turned TV off. Local news was listing all major crimes in NYC today. Last story was 6 bodies found inside meat plant freezer, execution style kills with "on-site" equipment. When I whisper Dafuq??  he distractedly mutters 'captive bolt pistol'  

He's texting again

~~~

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Thursday 5:39pm

From Princess

I kinda wanna come home now

~~~

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Thursday 7:48pm

From Princess

I have converted another person to meatloaf lover (food not music)

On 3rd brownie when he declares: I am never letting you leave again. Mine now

Look up from rolling my eyes to receive Super Intense I Can See Into Your Soul Diego Stare

~~~

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Thursday 9:50pm

From Princess

He's looking for a scary movie via voice command on remote. Other hand is on my foot. I can't even see my foot. What is the actual purpose of hands that big?? What is the evolutionary goal to this endgame? ?? Why am I wet just thinking about a    h a n d    ?????

~~~

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Friday 12:34am

From Princess

Con: This asshole is delighted to learn that I don't like scary movies

Pro: Hiding my face in his chest means I fucking feel the rumble when he laughs at me. I think I'm developing a heart condition. Hurts again.

~~~

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Friday 1:40am

From Princess

He's rubbing his face all over my stomach. I don't like this. Sir why. Please it's literally the least attractive part of me

~~~

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Friday 2:11am

From Princess

He likes it…? I don't see. How does. But it's.

No

~~~

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Friday 3:47am

From Princess

He's asleep on my stomach after spending 40 min declaring his love for belly

I'm crying and I can't stop. My whole chest hurts. What is this. Is this the most long game prank ever. There's no way he's for real. I'm afraid. Do you think I should try to escape?? Please you know I'm not easily frightened but I just. Please text back I need my BFF

~~~

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Friday 7:18am

From Princess

Woke up in bed alone and naked. Gonna grab a shirt and handle this. I can't just ignore it. This is probably a bad idea but I can't just let it go. If you don't hear back from me by noon call my parents. I love you

~~~

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Friday 11:38am

From Princess

Halfway down the stairs 3 dudes I don't know come out of the office, Diego and Julio follow. They take 1 look at me and launch into laughter and some rude fucking spanish. I'm rusty but I know fucking "fat bitch" tyvm. Diego picks this mf up by the throat and throws him into the elevator. Drags the other 2 in and... no one has come back since

Been locked in the bathroom. I'm afraid to hear anything

~~~

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Friday 1:48pm

From Princess

Relocated to closet earlier. Reading. I'm 2 chapters in and I don't even remember the title. Gonna take an ativan. Hands are shaking

~~~

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Friday 2:27pm

From Princess

You know what? I don't even care. Like as long as it's never directed at me I just don't care.

It's too late I'm in too deep. I don't know if I can even come home after this. I'm not who everyone thinks I am. I don't know who I am. I'm turning the phone off now I'm sorry but I just need everything to stop for a while

~~~

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Friday 7:48pm

From Princess

I'm ok, sorry for the dramatics. Woke up still in the closet corner but under Ginormous Blankie and can hear shower running. Decide it's time to put my big girl panties on and march in there. No I did not learn from the last time. Standby

~~~

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Friday 9:22pm

From Princess

We're good.

~~~

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Friday 11:49pm

From Princess

Ok. Marched into bathroom, launched into speech: I'm sorry but I did not know anyone was here. You have to leave me a note or something. Please tell me I did not ruin anything

Him, still in shower: Get your ass in here.

It was a literal growl

~~~

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Friday 11:50pm

From Princess

Apparently that guy had been fucking up small time and Diego was waiting for him to fuck up big time. I will never see all 3 of them again (No do not ask)Yes it was frustrating but not mad at me. Ok a little because his sister hired that guy and now he has to explain the dude's ...disappearance. Without mentioning me. No one can know about me I am a "liability"

Um ouch..? I think?? Chest pain again

~~~

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Friday 11:51pm

From Princess

He's been asleep, I'm just staring at the ceiling. Demanded I let him prove that he would never put hands on me that I don't want. I thought he was gonna cry. I did start crying but said yes. Not gentle per se, but definitely ...emotional? Like soft sex. Slow soft sex but with emotions?? I'm lost

~~~

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Friday 11:54pm

From Princess

Please tell me no. Talk me out of this. Tell me I'm fucknuts and I need to just come home and be reasonable and sensible. You know when you stand at a ledge and a little voice tells you Just jump. Do it. Go

Do I want all in? Can I do this? I should not do this. I should not care about him. Especially like this. I just. When I'm not here this is all I think about. No one else makes me feel this way

~~~

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Friday 11:56pm

From Princess

I'm hysterical right? This will go away if I just sleep. I can't stop looking at him. Touching his face, hair. Ever since the Kitchen Blowup (after the first fight??is it a fight if you're not technically in a relationship?) he's been different. Careful?? Like he really listened to me and heard. I can see him trying. Like reining in his knee jerk reactions and stopping to think before he says stuff to me. What am I supposed to do?

~~~

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Friday 11:59pm

From Princess

I want to trust him. I want to be spoiled and fucked senseless and all the giggles and private planes and shopping sprees and sleeping in til noon. But what about the other side? Constantly looking over my shoulder? Worrying that he might not come home from whatever the fuck he's out doing? The other actual supermodel hot women??? I'm not naive.

~~~

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Saturday 12:10am

From Princess

I just need to turn this off. Shut it down. Cut off emotions and just fuck. I can't do this and I can't have him for keeps. So it's time to be realistic. After this shitty quarantine ends I'll take whatever cash he wants to give me and go home. I can move if I have to. It's not hard to change your name these days. This whole nightmare will be the hilarious rumors in my future nursing home

~~~

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Saturday 4:44am

From Princess

Got up at like 350 for the bathroom. When I crawled back into bed he yanked me backwards to be smashed into/under him. Buried face into my hair and ordered:

Stop

Leaving

~~~

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Saturday 9:10am

From Princess

Woke up alone. Gathered shirt. Did surveillance from top of stairs. Music blasting. Bastian and Diego are working out. I had to sit down for a while

~~~

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Saturday 9:40am

From Princess

Finally made it down the stairs. Eating donuts while watching live action porn

~~~

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Saturday 10:27am

From Princess

Show's over. Diego announces he is going to shower with a wink. I am staying on this barstool with my donuts. I am determined

~~~

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Saturday 10:38am

From Princess

Sharing donuts with Bastian. He is staring at me

Me: ...wut?

Bastian: You know I haven't driven Franchesca anywhere in 4 months

I don't know how long I've been sitting here staring at this half eaten donut but Bastian is gone

Shower still running

~~~

Incoming Text

Saturday 1:36pm

From Princess

Slut level 7: Shower blowjob

Realized I have to wash my hair now. He demands to do it??

Diego: How much fucking conditioner is this going to take?

Me drooling blissfully: Uhhh... please not that word right now

...I literally heard Horny Murder Panther transition happen.

He did not touch anything but my head. Came via voice command. How the fuck

~~~

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Saturday 1:39pm

From Princess

Then it was Round 2 still dripping wet in the bed. No idea how he recovered that fast not looking gift horse in the mouth.  Haha   Horse

Also slow soft again? Does this mean something?? I feel like I'm missing some key piece of info. Never had a dude like kiss all over my face and stroke my hair. What is this gentle?? Don't like the whole looking into my eyes thing

~~~

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Saturday 3:02pm

From Princess

Received an assignment. Was trying to budget for next month (on my new laptop! Whole Microsoft office package!! SPREADSHEETS!!!)

Instructed to help fix what I fucked up…?

It's resumes. He wants me to look at resumes.   Um

~~~

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Saturday 4:12pm

From Princess

We traded laptops. I picked 3 resumes for 'warehouse labor'  This is fucking surreal

Got my laptop back and… all the internet tabs were closed?? I was paying all my bills dude wtf. His phone rings but before he walks off tells me the title will be mailed to me. ?????

~~~

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Saturday 4:47pm

From Princess

He's still in the office on the phone. I'm in the closet in shock. He paid my loans. He paid my Loans. He Paid My Fucking Loans OFF

CAR

STUDENT LOANS

$$$$$   30,000  $$$$$

THIRTY GRAND

~~~

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Saturday 4:52pm

From Princess

No you can't have him if I don't want him!! Fuck you

~~~

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Saturday 5:32pm

From Princess

Bastian came back, left a big box on the counter, said "This is for you honey" and left again. Diego still in the office.

...should I open it or wait for him to come out??

~~~

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Saturday 5:36pm

From Princess

Fuck it. I'm opening this shit

~~~

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Saturday 5:42pm

From Princess

It's a very large Brahmin bag.

Holy fuck its gorgeous 

~~~

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Saturday 5:47pm

From Princess

You know what? You Know What?

IT'S KITCHEN BLOWUP 2.0 TIME

~~

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Sunday 8:42am

From Princess

I think we're ok? I actually uh, accidentally recorded um… everything-ish. And I might send it to you later. But right now things are kinda wobbly and I just wanna enjoy everything while I can. I'll check back in later. We're going to bed now

~~

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Sunday 1:58pm

From Princess

Woke up to 1 gigantic hand stroking down my back. 2nd hand stuffed up my pussy to the knuckle. Villain voice directly into left ear. Memory hazy after that

~~

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Sunday 3:01pm

From Princess

Do Oreos in bed at 3pm count as breakfast? My hips hurt

~~

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Sunday 6:40pm

From Princess

Ok we all know I'm very much A Freak. Trysexual if you will. Only way to know you don't like it is to try it right? So anal. Never really worked. Great in theory really unpleasant in practice.

Turns out others were trying to insert the wrong appendage. Related: I fucking love beards

e v e r y w h e r e

~~

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Sunday 10:40pm

From Princess

Yes I know you wanna know about KITCHEN BLOWUP 2.0, someday I'll tell you about v.1. It's complicated. There are feels. I can't take the vague, wishy washy, up in the air status. So it went kinda like this

Me: You want to "keep" me? Wtf does that even mean?? And how, via purchasing me??? Don't get me wrong, I like being spoiled. I'm not an idiot. But you don't even know me

He looked like I stabbed him. It was horrible

~~

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Sunday 10:42pm

From Princess

So I laid it all out: I lived in my car for a while in my 20s. Escaped an abusive ex after 8 yrs. Survived cancer at 26. Did 2 rounds of trade school just to be scraping by at like $15 an hour. That you just paid off like it was nothing. You try to protect me from you and your life. But you have no idea what I've already survived.

So here's the deal: You wanna keep me?? Then I get to keep you.

But it's everything. If I can't have everything then I don't want anything. And if it can't be ONLY me then I gotta go. I'm not a back up plan or a convenience.

~~

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Sunday 10:50pm

From Princess

At this point I'm scream-crying, gesticulating like I'm hysterical. He's collapsed on the floor at my feet looking like I just killed his dog. Only makes me worse. I'm demanding an answer right fucking now. This is a disaster.

~~

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Sunday 10:54pm

From Princess

He starts yelling about how he can't keep me if I'm dead. This isn't a fucking game and I'm just like Do I look like I'm playing right now?!?

Lisa, he was crying. Just kept repeating "She's right. She's fucking right. That bitch is right."

Head in his hands sobbing.

I couldn't. 

~~

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Sunday 10:59pm

From Princess

So I got down on my knees in front of him and reached for his hands. Just like the first blowup. I was terrified because he's obviously not in control and like I don't know the things he does but I Know. And the PTSD from ex… but I finally got him to look at me and asked him to just Tell Me.

And he did.

~~~

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Monday 12:04am

From Princess

If you had told me that night in the club that any of this would happen. That this man was capable of everything these past 10 months have brought. I would've taken you to the hospital myself.

He collapsed on me and was just begging me "Don't go don't go. Please stay. Stay just for now. Please. No one else no one."  I have a lot to consider. Probably gonna be quiet for a few days. I'll text you when things calm down. He's asleep on my chest right now

~~~

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Monday 12:10am

From Princess

I mean 10 months...how many weekends have I been up here? 12? 16? And only twice did I reach out first and ask. I have stuff here. You saw the closet section. Every time I arrive there's coke and ketchup in the fridge. My face wash and toothbrush and a huge bottle of gel in the bathroom. Last time here he gave me the safe combo???

~~~

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Monday 12:14am

From Princess

YES THE SODA JFC

I mean, I've never seen ...other… in the fridge. I don't think it needs to be refrigerated???

I Don't Know Okay

~~~

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Monday 6:40am

From Princess

Woke up around 5 and he was just staring at me from like 2 inches away. He left once he realized I was awake. I didn't follow. He still hasn't come back to bed yet. Should I go find him?

~~~

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Monday 11:38am

From Princess

Found him on the couch. Coffee table covered in vast array of firearms. Did not realize there were so many in this penthouse. Little uncomfortable. But I'm a fast learner with good mechanical skills so now I can do gun stuff. Please don't ask me about it

~~~

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Monday 11:41am

From Princess

Ok yesss. We had the stupid movie cliche moment of big tough guy stands behind damsel to teach some physical skill. Gawd.

...yeah doing it feels better than watching. You happy now???

~~~

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Monday 2:28pm

From Princess

Mood swing. He declared vengeance on behalf of his closet. I have worn too many shirts. This cannot continue. ????? Stay tuned

~~~

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Monday 2:59pm

From Princess

This man runs the largest distribution enterprise in the western hemisphere.

Currently stuck in one of my $6 tank tops from Target. 

~~~

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Monday 4:17pm

From Princess

I'm out a tank top. And a thong. Go ahead and just think about that

...But I'm still wearing one of his shirts :-D

~~~

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Monday 5:48pm

From Princess

Instead of admitting defeat he decided to forcibly remove the shirt from me. Since I have to be difficult, I ran. If this place wasn't soundproof there would be so many police here.

What level of fucked up is it to enjoy screaming No!, while struggling, not less than 3 sec prior to orgasm??

~~~

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Monday 5:52pm

From Princess

The scale only goes to 10. You don't gotta be a bitch. Damn

~~~

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Monday 8:17pm

From Princess

14 days will be up this Thursday. But they're talking about extending it, really bad here. I'm scared. Gonna try a drink, maybe ativan because I'm starting to freak out.

~~~

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Monday 9:57pm

From Princess

Watching the news and I just sorta came unglued.  Diego not really a soft/gentle guy (obvs) but once I got thru a blubber-cry explanation of immuno-compromised and cancer treatment I got full lap cuddles. I want this every time I'm upset. Warm and solid and big hands and soft nuzzles and scratchy velvet cheek kisses. Feel so tiny and safe

~~~

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Monday 11:40pm

From Princess

Think I'm fukced up. Everything feels good. Petting all the things

~~~

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Monday 11:44pm

From Princess

I'm fiiiiine. One drink. Once ativan. Thats it

~~~

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Monday 11:49pm

From Princess

Omgod ill be fine it's good donot call me

~~~

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Monday 11:55pm

From Princess

What are fiddlesticks? Like the worrd not a instrument accessory?why do we say that

~~~

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Tuesday 7:42am

From Princess

Holy shit I slept so good. I looked back thru the texts. Wtf was I doing?? I don't remember any of this

~~~

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Tuesday 8:32am

From Princess

He's giving me that all teeth smile. I'm very suspicious. And surprisingly not horny?? Am I dying?

~~~

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Tuesday 9:46am

From Princess

Have been informed that I was very adorable last night. I'm afraid to learn his definition of adorable

~~~

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Tuesday 10:12am

From Princess

Omg he has 3 hours of video

~~~

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Tuesday 11:17am

From Princess

I spent 45 min yelling about Pluto planet status being revoked and the kilogram definition being forever altered. He was very invested in the 2nd part. Legit academic discussion

~~~

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Tuesday 11:49am

From Princess

Next part: I decided to make a fried egg sandwich. He started recording like a cooking show. I almost lit my hair on fire.

~~~

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Tuesday 11:57am

From Princess

Oh I see where everything went wrong. I had 1 drink and 1 ativan. Then I finished his drink. Then I drank his replacement. Why tf did he let me do that??

"You were so cute! How could I say no to this face, bonita?"

...I will remember that

~~~

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Tuesday 12:13pm

From Princess

Apparently we exchanged playlists. This is not good

~~~

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Tuesday 12:28pm

From Princess

Omg I revealed the Murder Panther Sugar Daddy title. Oh fuck. Shit shit shit

~~~

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Tuesday 12:42pm

From Princess

I spent 40 min petting him all over while listing everything I liked and why. He is going to be insufferable for forever after this

~~~

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Tuesday 1:22pm

From Princess

Lisa. Lisa. Holy shit. He said we made a porno. I laughed. He fucking narrated an opening to it. I am dying  I am going to die   I am dead

Him, offscreen: Diego and Bicki make a Porno!

Me, onscreen, twerking on the bed in lace bra

Me: eeeeeeeeeeeeeee ASS AND TITTIES!!!

Diego pops into shot, giggling: Pretty Princess Pussy!!

The whole thing just dissolved into shaky blur and us laughing hysterically

~~~

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Tuesday 1:24pm

From Princess

No I'm not sharing it. What is wrONG WITH YOU??????

~~~

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Tuesday 3:44pm

From Princess

It… did not go the way I thought it would. And apparently he had not watched it either because we were both surprised.

That. Was not sex. Seeing the soft slow with emotions from the outside was pretty damning.

That was lovemaking

~~~

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Tuesday 6:32pm

From Princess

I'm locked in the bathroom. Everything is fucked.

I just… I just hid my face and said "I want to go home." Like a fucking coward hiding behind my hair, I took off upstairs and now I'm here. It's been a long time. I'm still alone

~~~

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Tuesday 6:39pm

From Princess

No shit Sherlock, I know I have intimacy issues.

Men don't love me. Sure I'm fun to fuck for a while. But they don't take a poor fat girl home. Come on, you've seen it firsthand. Clearly, since here I still am by myself

~~~

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Tuesday 6:42pm

From Princess

I don't know what I was thinking. I don't belong here. Guess I'll just ride out the last 2 days then come home

~~~

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Tuesday 6:45pm

From Princess

I think Julio is here. I can hear their voices but can't make out the words

Oh no his sister is here. They're yelling in Spanish, I can't catch any of it

~~~

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Tuesday 10:14pm

From Princess

They screamed for a while, then she finally left. Been silent ever since. I don't know if he's still here

~~~

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Tuesday 10:40pm

From Princess

He's definitely still here. There's a tantrum going on

~~~

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Wednesday 12:32am

From Princess

Fell asleep in the closet corner again. Except when I woke up he was wedged in there with me

Me: … um

Diego: I think I see why you do this

Then he went to sleep on me

~~~

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Wednesday 5:48am

From Princess

Have been talking since 3. Still in the closet.

~~~

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Wednesday 7:10am

From Princess

I'm coming home when this is over. I need some time and space to think. 

~~~

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Wednesday 7:12am

From Princess

Is that even the right term? Do you 'break up' with a sugar daddy???? 

~~~

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Wednesday 7:13am

From Princess

NO I WANT TO KEEP HIM

BITCH I WILL STAB YOU

~~~

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Wednesday 7:16am

From Princess

Gonna shower and go to bed. You mention that last text and I literally will stab you. BFF or not

~~~

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Wednesday 4:40pm

From Princess

Just listened to an hour of descriptions of Mexico.

I am… tempted

~~~

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Wednesday 6:54pm

From Princess

I'm flying home Friday, they just lifted the travel ban here.

~~~

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Wednesday 6:59pm

From Princess

No, no one is happy here. We're both clingy disasters today

~~~

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Wednesday 7:17pm

From Princess

Went downstairs. It's a war zone. We came back upstairs 

~~~

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Thursday 6:19am

From Princess

Couldn't sleep so I'm packing. Diego is watching me from the bed with the biggest, saddest puppy dog eyes in existence.

Effect kinda ruined because I can see his bare ass

~~~

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Thursday 6:22am

From Princess

Why would you ask me that? You know he's an exhibitionist 

~~~

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Thursday 6:23am

From Princess

I can't decide if you're the Best or the Worst BFF ever. Gawd

~~~

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Thursday 6:25am

From Princess

...IMAGE LOADING…

~~~

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Thursday 6:27am

From Princess

Yeah. You see my dilemma now???

~~~

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Thursday 6:28am

From Princess

Yes I bite it! What is wrong with you today???

~~~

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Thursday 6:43pm

From Princess

He spent entire day attached to me. I..??? What do I do with a clingy cartel boss drug lord?? Its too much

~~~

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Friday 8:52am

From Princess

I'm on the plane. He rode here with me. Looked so… broken. Feel like a monster. But I'm scared

~~~

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Friday 1:45pm

From Princess

Lisa. LISA. LISA.

I'm home but but he. Omg

~~~

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Friday 2:38pm

From Princess

There's a tiny stuffed panther in my bag with a note:  I just want to be with you

My very own Tiny Murder Panther 

[sirvalrigard]

genuinely cannot figure it out. cann you please tell me what the fnaf series is about

OK OK so like we’re extremely off our shits rn but lets try to make this coherent

edit: this actually turned into a fucking wall of infodump bullshit so adding a cut lol

1970s. a gay furry dad named henry emily decides to make a furry restaurant cause he’s passionate abt animatronics and making kids happy. he opens the restaurant with a man named william afton as his business partner. henry makes animatronics and william handles idk being fucking creepy and handling money is my best guess. the restaurant is called Fredbear’s Family Diner, featuring Fredbear and Spring Bonnie (after a year or two it becomes popular enough for henry to have money to build bonnie, freddy, chica, and foxy too!) 

ok so shits fine and normal until william billiam is like ‘hmm im gonna be a child predator now’

on a rainy night one of henry’s children, Charlie Emily, is locked outside the pizzeria somehow, where william finds and kills them. the security marionette that henry built to protect his kids drags itself outside to their body, and thus is possessed by their spirit

obviously henry is fucked up but no one knew who the killer was, so henry was able to reopen another location, this time under the new name of Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza, with the now familiar friends Bonnie, Freddy, Foxy, and Chica to join the original two! multiple locations are eventually opened, and things are going just fucking fine until WILLY billy does his bullshit again!!

this time he lures them into the back by wearing a Spring Bonnie suit, and kills four children and stuffs their bodies into Bonnie, FReddy, Foxy, and Chica, where Marionette (charlie) finds them and binds their souls to the animatronics

but even though willish addon was employed at the very location he killed kids at, AND he was even convicted as the killer, since police couldnt find the bodies (and are useless) he didnt go to jail which is honestly so accurate its the scariest part of the franchise

so like henry at this point i imagine is like “fuck this” and sells the restaurant line to—you know what? honestly? i would love to know who runs Fazbear Entertainment. with the way help wanted was going i rlly hope we get an expansion on that with them as the villians (destroy capitalism) ANYWAY–

“Fazbear Entertainment” becomes the parent company of this mess now and theyre like :)……oh lets hire that william guy again hes fine

and at this point wwillus is making his OWN fucking pizzeria and his OWN animatronics and is actively kidnapping, torturing, and killing children to steal life essence from their souls! during the process of testing this, he gets his own ‘daughter’ Elizabeth Afton killed!! yeah im not fucking making this up!! (ppl in the fandom really defend this guy lol)

1983. so as Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzas are expanding,  Willard Afturd somehow? got himself some children. like to raise. like as a “““father”““. personally i do like 2 think a mother was involved but honestly he totally coulda just fucking kidnapped some random children to raise as his own and im starting to think thats more plausible  actually BUT ITS NOT GAME THEORY TIIME

one of these kids he is personally torturing! his own “son”! incredible! long story short this traumatized child ( unofficially named CC Afton ) is forced into the mouth of Fredbear by his brother Michael Afton and his friends, aaaand he dies ( and is guided by Charlie to possess Fredbear )

even after years of rumors about dead kids being hidden in animatronics, its this accident is the last straw for Fazbear’s Pizza and they are finally shut down. then WILL rubs his nasty hands together and tries to open his OWN pizzeria with his original OCs do not Steal™, Funtime Freddy, Bon Bon, Ballora, Circus Baby ( possessed by Elizabeth) , and Funtime Foxy and theyre all. probably possessedtoo cause theyre used 4 his kid torture fetish

uh ok so Aphton is like hey michael go clean up my child abuse for me anyway brb so his son Mwanders into his father’s Pizzeria to find his sister elizabeth . long story short…………he finds her and she does the “we’re brothers but closer” spongebob meme but also with her friends

ANd they leave! hooray! from then on the story is about Michael, whos zombified now after being used as a husk to hide an amalgamation of 5 animatronics fucking trying to find his shitty fuckass dad, and to help the anguished and vengeful spirits inside

but the first location to reopen after having been shut down, Wilson AAAAA is employed AND KILLS SOME MORE KIDS who would have guessed omg amazing..stunning.. and michael is employed there JUST a week too late like it happens RIGHT before he’s employed so Wumbo Man gets away again and Fazbear Entertainment gets shut down AGAIN, in 1987

not too many years later Fazbear Entertainment tries to open restaurants yES AGAIN and theyre still using the original animatronics that are still rotting and bloody on the inside . somehow this place stays open for a bit, and michael is employed there still looking for Worst Father Ever, and the children attack him due to rage and confusion, and when they kill another employee, the restaurant is shut down for like the trillionth time

but then for some reason Whenwillhedie Afton is like im gonna go try to dismantle the other haunted animatronics at the shut down pizzerias cause i dont actually even know i have shit for brains and also probably wanted to melt them down for life juice BUT

theyrelike FUCK OFF and the spirits of the children materialize in front of Wellington Well Done and force him into the old crusty spring bonnie suit that he’d murdured in before nd spring is like FUCKy ou and crushesAlton with their animatronic parts aand smush him. trapped now #springbonnieisgoodguy

the spirits go to rest in animatronica, the events of fnafworld happen when: 30 fucing years later in like the 2010s some jackasses thought it would be a good idea to mak e a haunted hoiuse attraction based on fazbear’s pizza and use actual shit from the restaurants and of COURSE this fuck shit up hardcore and disturbs the spirits from the rest that they were in ( until it turned intp the events of FNAF World ) and then they were ripped back into reality when Fazbear’s Fright was built

also! they found WWWacky smacky Acky all rotting away inside Spring Bonnie (now called Springtrap) and were like yeah this is good. definitely not a robot struggling to hold back the influence of a murderer predator and definitely wouldnt haev a problem with being set free

basically michael hears about this thing when it opens and is the first employee there and proceeeds to burn the whole place down as soon as he sees Willmont stuck inside ofs Springtrap

buuuut it doesnt work and Springtrap and other various spirits and haunted robots are still wandering the fuck around and Henry at this point is like Okay I Need To Do Something About This Cause This Is Entirely Out Of Fucking Hand and he reopens a Freddy Fazbear’s location himself, but advertises for a manager who wants to build their own pizzeria

you know who pounces on this like a purple cat? MIKE hes like FUCK yeah egg boys gonna kill his dad and be ann egg MAN today

with the help of Henry’s use  of luring mechanics and michael’s endurance and survival skill they gather Scrap Baby (elizabeth), Lefty (charlie), Scraptrap (springtrap, unfortunately  who has a rotton raisin inside him ), and Molten Freddy (the remaining animatronics that  had jumped into michael’s skin lumped together)

soon as theyre all there ? boom . henry lights the place on fire just like mike had and THEY BOTH JUST SIT THERE AND DIE IN IT TOO LIKE ITS SO METAL and it burns everyone else as well

and all the kids are like

uwu

owo

and drag william afton into HELL!! and they get to torture him for a while together and get the revenge they deserve hell yeah tbh UCN is so iconic

BUT Fazbear Entertainment drinks the capitalism so theyre like…. :((( we’ve been so bullied we totally didnt haev an employee who killed countless children… .pleas,e,e,, buy our mehrch, , n,,jdn

SO they employ an AU version of scott cawthon to make, essentially, the games that we’ve all been playing, but like, in-universe, – so the company in universe has fnaf video games made in order to make light of and cover up the actual murders that happened in the canon. is this too meta yet?

okay i lied this is also the scariest part of the franchise bc of how accurate it is to corrupt business hGJFSKDLHDSS

therefore, they create Help Wanted, the recently released VR game (also a game in-universe) and they use salvaged circuitboards and shit from all the old animatronics to program the game, but of course that just ends up transferring everyone’s soul into the game – the kids, the animatronic AIs, and BASTARD MAN

spring bonnie, now called Glitchtrap, is in a deteriorated mental state and is weak to Afton’s influence, and the fuck is able to manipulate an unknown amount of people into helping him out of the VR game and into the in-universe real world. one of these people was jeremy fitzgerald, michael afton’s childhood friend and a former employee at Fazbear’s Pizza during 1987.

he was involved in a lawsuit against the company making the game, and we don’t know what has happened to him yet. but he’s very important. evidence points to him being one of the kids that helped michael put CC’s head into Fredbear’s mouth, and that in 1987 when working at freddys he was bitten and is somehow functioning without a frontal lobe (but like, michael at this point is functioning with insides made of pudding and rotting skin so . basically theyre both too gay to die )

but we DO know that theres at least one person communicating directly with Glitchtrap, who he seems to have convinced to help set him free, someone whos made their own rabbit mask but doesnt seem to be willingly doing this, and might be brainwashed

also, currently, (this is really weird because we are currently living in the same time as the fnaf timeline is at right now) Fazbear Entertainment is planning on a “service program” that is basically sending personal animatronics to peoples houses and GUESS how fucking well THAT works out bc theyre STILL ALL HAUNTED YOuf g

and it seems like theyre planning on opening a new location in 2020, and that might be when we can learn more about the reluctant follower of springtrap and who has the camera while everyone moshes on william aftons corpse

basically the games are about childhood trauma, recovery, the love of family and friends, and justice against many kinds of evils

also where the fuck is sammy

[taylor-made1219]

I am sooo not freaking out rn 😂🙀🙀🙀✨🦋💕

AAAAAHHH SO EXCITED FOR THE NEW MUSIC VIDEO!! BRB GONNA ORDER SOME PIZZA AND INVITE THE ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOOD TO WATCH WITH ME

@taylorswift @taylornation

[youaremymoonxx]

tyler: why should i make my bed if i’m going to unmake it anyway when i go back to sleep?

josh, not looking up from his phone: why should i order pizza for diner, if both of us are gonna die anyway?

tyler:

josh:

tyler: brb, gonna go make my bed

[dramaphan]

• “that’s a good way to lure me into doing anything I hate doing” nice opener Dan

• I think Dan’s right about mukbangs being a fetish thing

• there is absolutely no light behind Dan’s eyes that is a vacant house

• Phil also looks exhausted but at least he looks alive

• I forgot about “artisanal..” “anal” Phil has no fucks to give

• Dan was mid sentence saying something else about kinks and the jumpcut cut him off and now I need to know what he said??

• wait didn’t Phil act like he didn’t know what wikifeet was recently when he literally mentions it by name in this video? When do the lies end

• I hate that they fast forwarded the ordering montage I bet that was more exciting than this whole video combined

• god they really edited the ii DVD by themselves what the fuck was that all about what was the reason

• ooo sneak peek at the Dan and Phil PlayStation cupboard soak it all in

• I can see Phil’s chest hair peeping over his shirt which is only furthering my theory that he’s shaving it these days and I’m a little mad about it

• this was pre coming out but it doesn’t feel like it was pre coming out

• “some ketchup if I’m feeling exotic” will never leave my fucking brain this is the whitest man on earth

• Dan ripping the boxes apart… further proof that we could never live together because I would choke him out at least once a day

• I feel like the size of your hips has not much to do with being able to cross your legs someone get this man a biology class

• that pizza looks like shit I’m not gonna lie

• also sounds like it tastes like shit gonna be real

• “Dan doesn’t like eating on camera” Phil says, during the first video where they’ve eaten on camera… how many times have you tried to film him eating??

• “I don’t like eating on camera because I don’t like offending vegans” I’m gonna take this as code for “my brother bullies me and I let him”

• this part about Phil being a bad influence never felt like a joke to me and I am. Uncomfy. Argue off camera please.

• “cognitive dissonance” “weak and flawed” sweet Jesus this man was going through something please take your meds my guy

• “look how fancy this cup is” “you look great Phil” nobody asked???

• Dan is weirdly offended that Phil went to an art thing while he was “playing guild wars and feeling sad” bro just go with him then??? I hate this video

• have we ever seen the penis wall selfie or no

• again with the bad influence thing I am begging you to turn the camera off and go fight about this and come back when you figure it out

• this whole 30 seconds is Dan trying to make a joke, coming off way too sad, Phil’s not getting it, it’s a disaster mess and I hate this video

• see this is what I’m fucking talking about!!! Dan is losing his will to live with every passing second and Phil is desperately trying to hold this video together

• now Dan’s weirdly offended that Phil has friends from home??? Because he doesn’t talk to anyone from home??? Bro your MEDS. WHERE ARE THEY

• there’s so many random zooms on Dan just eating and drinking I’m gonna lose my whole shit

• hang on I have to take a break there’s some weird alarm going off in my apartment?? Never heard this sound before might die brb

•it stopped. Don’t know what it was. If I die and the last thing I see is this fucking mukbang I’m haunting the anon who requested it

• “I hate talking about myself, ironically” THEN DOOOOONT

• Phil’s head feels like a breezy balloon. Shocking

• this man is actually sobbing a little bit over a bite of pizza YOUR MEDS

• I keep watching Phil just glancing at Dan and the guy looks so on edge Phil I’m begging you to do something about him he’s not well

• still patiently waiting for the Dan and Phil boxing match

• mom come pick me up I hate it here

• I’m at the part that everyone always praises because of their good communication or whatever and it’s so painful to listen to holy shit I need you guys to just go yell at each other in the other room for a minute

• they really worked themselves to the bone and into a mental breakdown that turned into Dan’s two year hiatus over this tour and for what. The tour wasn’t even good

• “where are your videos?” “Good question, let me know when you know the answer” GOD he was such a dick about the hiatus for WHAT. We STILL don’t know where his videos are

• “I like being funny on social media” who’s gonna tell him

• Dan keeps talking about what the algorithm wants as if it matters?? Who cares dude you’re gonna make money regardless

• “you can still see him on the gaming channel” *cancels that two months later*

• Dan is very intensely patting Phil’s shoulder and looking right at him while he talks about having a purpose and once again I am begging you to stop

• Dan can’t handle smelling and tasting at the same time because it’s too much of a sensory experience and I think I just figured out where y’all’s weird obsession with diagnostics came from

• leg touching while berating phil for being messy Jesus fuck this is the most passive aggressive video I’ve ever seen I feel like I’m at dinner with my parents

• Dan’s ideal life includes having only three outfits so I mean he got that much at least. Dude owns one pair of pants and two shirts

• Dan seems to get very stressed out by very basic tasks such as??? Getting dressed???

• phil is more sensitive with age and Dan is more anxious with age my god how do they get anything done in a day

• now we’re talking about how much Dan hates his family and childhood buddy please call your therapist I can’t do this I don’t know how to help you

• oh this was the origin of the hiding behind the phone booth to avoid the ex girlfriend story

• I think this man is just a walking trauma response disguised as a human person

• I want to know what he thought was going to happen if his ex said hi to him

• actually he never specified that it was his ex so it could have been Just Some Girl in which case what did she do how did she hurt you I have so many questions

• no phil nobody knows what “put you on” means that sounds like a sex thing

• phil we call that “hold you over”

• “sometimes when I miss my old house I go on google maps and sit on the street” flash forward two and a half years and he’s literally sneaking around it with a camera crew

• Dan wash your feet stinky they look dusty

• ah yes, I forgot about “eating our ass”

• and now Dan has brought up the ass eating joke in ttlmt for WHATTTTTT

• I always forget that British people call a tank top a vest. Sorry for your linguistic loss on that one, brits

• the concept of drinking coke followed by milk… disgusting

• those cookies look like ass

• “8 seconds” “I’ve done ten” “NO” has the same energy as that one vine

• “if you enjoyed literally anything about this video” I didn’t

• “we want to make you happy and give you what you want” WE WANT A VIDEOOOOOOOO

• Dan’s talking about dying and phil seems slightly worried by it sweet fuck this video never should have seen the light of day

It’s finally fucking over. Final review -500/10 I hate it just as much as I did in 2018 fuck you anon

dare you to watch and review the dnp mukbang video

i just want to see you suffer 😈

Fuuuuuuck you and I’ll see you in half an hour 🖕

[spectroamer]

Servertale Chapter 11: Just friends

The movie that Ne and Amy were watching ended. Ne turns off the TV and notices that Amy fell asleep while leaning on his shoulder. The image of her sleeping on him makes him blush a little. Ne thinks about his next move, but decides that it is the best decision to not make a move Ne: [Looks like I'm not going anywhere. Should have guessed she would be tired after so much action, after all, she doesn't have infinite energy like me] Ne decides to message Slasher through his helmet. 16:10 Ne: Yo, wat u doing? 16:10 Slasher: Nothing much, back at my place 16:10 Ne: I can't move right now, so you're gonna be my company 16:11 Slasher: Y can't u move? 16:11 Ne: Amy fell asleep on me 16:11 Slasher: :O next time u 2 will be sleeping together ;) 16:11 Ne: So just because she fell asleep on me, that means we're gonna sleep together 16:11 Slasher: Exactly 16:12 Ne: Shut up 16:12 Slasher: Nevah Slasher hears his phone ringing. 16:12 Slasher: Actually, brb, Nat calling Slasher picks up the phone and answers the phone Nat: Hi Dom. Slasher: Hey Natalie, what's up? Nat: Nothing much, I just thought since I have a lot of free time today, maybe we could hang out. Slasher thinks about his responsibilities, but guesses that the Sentinels will probably lay low for a while after so many loses, so he decides to accept the offer. Slasher: Sure, when do you want to meet up? Nat: In about half an hour, at your place. Can you invite Mike and Amy as well? They're a great pair. Slasher: Sure Nat: Are they a couple? I mean, they hang out at their houses often and constantly talk about each other. Slasher: Not yet, but I have a bed with a friend of mine that they will become a couple before the end of the day. Nat: You really like to make bets, don't you? Slasher: You know me. Nat: You're right about that. OK, I need to find something good to wear. See ya later! Slasher: Bye. Natalie hangs up and Slasher starts texting Ne 16:14 Slasher: Yo, Nat called 16:14 Ne: Natalie? 16:14 Slasher: Yeh 16:14 Ne: Wat did she say? 16:14 Slasher: She wants to hang out at my place and she told me to invite you and Amy 16:15 Ne: Y? 16:15 Slasher: Cuz she ships u 2 16:15 Ne: DID U TELL HER? 16:15 Slasher: Nope, she figured it out on her own 16:15 Ne: Why does everyone find out so fast? 16:15 Slasher: because u 2 are made for each other 16:15 Ne: Did you really just make a joke 16:16 Slasher: Ya know I did 16:16 Ne: Fak u 16:16 Slasher: Aw, is that the way 2 treat your bff 16:16 Ne: Ok, that’s enough, I’m leaving 16:16 Slasher: See ya later Ne looks at Amy. He decides to wake her up. She slowly wakes up when he softly pokes her shoulder. As she wakes up, she slowly realizes that she’s been sleeping and notices Ne, still wearing all of his gear and more importantly, she realizes that she was leaned on him. Amy quickly sits strait and blushes while thinking that he woke her up because she was bothering him. Amy: Sorry! I just suddenly fell asleep, I didn’t know I was leaning on you! Ne: I don’t mind, that’s not why I woke you up. Amy: Oh, ok. Then, why did you? Ne: Slasher called. He says that Natalie is coming at his house and she would like us to join. Amy: Really? Ne: Yeah, she insisted on it. Amy: Sure, I haven’t talked with her in some while, with the whole Sentinels situation. When are we meeting up? Ne: In about half an hour. Amy gets up from the couch and takes her normal clothes. Amy: Well, in that case, I’m gonna get dressed. Can you turn around for a few seconds? Don’t want to risk wearing my outfit under the normal clothes if we’re gonna be there for a while. Ne: Oh, y-yeah, sure. Ne gets up and turns around, waiting for her to change her clothes. Amy: Natalie doesn’t know about the three of us, right? Ne: As much as I know, she doesn’t. Amy: Good. Amy finishes changing her clothes. Amy: Done. Ne: Ok, just let me get my stuff. Ne opens a closet and takes two stripes which he places on top of his neon plates to cover them and transforms his helmet into the classic headphones he always wears when he’s wearing his “civilian clothes” but they’re just hidden battle gear. Amy: Well you got your gear covered, but I can’t exactly transform my mask, or completely hide the other outfit. Ne: You don’t need the mask. I’m sure that Slash has a lot of helmets in his house, so if anything happens, just put one of them on. Amy: good point. Ne: Will we take my car? Amy: Actually, we’ve been rushing everywhere today. Right now, I feel like walking. Ne: In that case, we can get going. Amy: Yeah. Ne: Just let me change the last part. Ne sends neon energy through his hands that go into his pants, changing their look from combat pants to running pants. Amy: I have no idea how you make the combination of a leather jacket and runner pants look good. Ne: I look good in anything. Ne was obviously joking and the joke worked, making Amy laugh. Amy: Almost as good as I am.  Both of them exit the house. Ne locks the door and the start walking towards Slasher’s house. His house is not that far away. While Amy and Ne live next to each other in the downtown area, Slasher is just a little bit outside it. It is a twenty minute walk. As they walk through the city, they start trying making their conversation sound more casual, so that the civilians on the sidewalk don’t start suspecting anything. Amy: What are we gonna do about our problem? Ne: You mean our rivals? Amy responds with a nod. Ne: Well, we just need to keep them distracted until Frisk does her thing. Amy: How do you know that she’s gonna make it? Ne: The residents of that place already have the six parts for their door. Frisk is gonna bring the last one. With her, they will be able to open the door. Amy: But what if they steal her part? Ne: Trust me, her determination won’t let that happen. Amy: Oh, so she’s safe? Ne: Yeah, I’m gonna explain it to you when we get alone. As they keep walking, Amy notices some interesting clothing inside of some stores. Amy: Man, I really need to go on a shopping spree when we’re done with all of this chaos. Ne: Oh you have no idea how much T-shirts I bought from all of the times i ran into some of my problems. Both of them keep for a few minutes, before Amy thinks of a new conversation subject. Amy: How’s the work going? Ne: DJ-ing? It’s ok. I don’t care about working in clubs as much as I like changing music. Those clubs have the best equipment for that. What about you? Amy: The art is doing good. I’m making some money from selling it online, it’s just enough to switch a normal paycheck Ne: I can’t believe that Dominik earns money even when he’s not racing. Amy: I know right? That tactic is so cheap. Ne: Oh you didn’t. Amy: But I did. Ne: I guess that’s the price I got to pay for hanging out with you. Amy: Well I’m not getting away without expenses neither. While they were succeeding at acting all serious before, they couldn’t stop laughing at their own puns. After a few seconds they get back to normal. Amy: We’re a great time. Ne: Yeah, we are. After more walking, they arrive at Slasher’s house. Ne rings the doorbell. Slasher opens the door a few seconds later. He is wearing a red T-shirt and gray running pants. Of course, like Ne, Slasher constantly wears his helmets. Currently, he’s wearing his most used racing helmet. Slasher: Just in time! I think she’ll be here in a few minutes. Slasher lets the two of them in and closes the door. Amy: Do you have something to drink? Slasher: Check in the kitchen. Amy: Uhhh, which one? Slasher: Any kitchen. Amy: Ok. Amy goes to the nearest kitchen. Ne: I forgot how big your house is. Slasher: That’s what happens when you’re rich. Ne: I know, my house is a reminder. Amy returns with a Monster Energy. Ne: You know there’s no actual energy inside of that, right? Amy: I know, I just like the taste. Ne: Fair enough. She opens the can and starts drinking it. Ne: Hey Slash, do you have any idea on what to do next with the Sentinels? Slasher: Well, I think that we should wait. Kris has his guys everywhere, so we’ll know if they start doing anything. I could use taking a brake from fighting them anyway. Ne: I like the sound of that. Amy what do you think? Amy: Sure, I don’t mind not doing anything for a while. Ne: Than we agreed. Slasher notices that Amy didn’t bring her mask. Slasher: Did you bring your outfit? Amy: No, I left it at Ne’s house. Slasher: Oh, so you changed clothes in his house. Amy: Yeah... Why do you ask? Slasher looks at Ne. Even tho Slasher’s wearing his cross helmet , Ne can still guess that Slasher is smirking. All three of them hear knocking on the door. Slasher: Who is it? Nat: Guess. Slasher opens the door and welcomes her in. Nat: I see you still wear that helmet of yours. Slasher: Was there any doubt? Nat: Not for a second. When Natalie enters the house, she notices Ne and Amy. Natalie walks up to Amy to hug her. Nat: And how are you two doing? Amy: Oh, you know, the usual. Nat: Good. And what about you, Mike, Is life treating you good? Ne: It’s fine. Nat: I wanted to see Dom, but, then I remembered that I haven’t seen you guys in some time as well. Ne: We were just busy with work. Nat: Yeah, I know how frustrating that can get. Amy: And what about you? What have you been doing? Nat: Well, recently, I have been looking for a fitting job. Amy: Really? What kind of job are you looking for? Nat: To be honest, I don’t know yet. I’m just checking all of my options. I’m guessing that when I get my choices narrowed down that it will be easier for me to make a decision. Ne: True. Slasher: Did the three of you have lunch today, because I ordered pizza even before you called. Amy: Well, I could use a nice meal. Nat: Me too. Ne: Sure, why not. Slasher: Ok, just let me set the table. Nat: Can I help you? Slasher: I don’t mind. What are you gonna drink? Nat: I’ll just grab myself some water. Amy: I’ll take another monster. Ne: Just give me a soda or something. Slasher: Okay. Slasher and Natalie go to the kitchen. Amy notices that Ne’s constantly thinking about something. Amy: You okay? Ne: Yeah, it’s just that the last encounter we had with him was at Kris’ place. Some people probably filmed it. Amy: So? People record us all the time. Ne: But, this time, Slasher was wearing his civilian race suit. Even tho that suit is really old, someone could start to to have suspections. Amy: Oh, you’re right about that. Ne: And that’s what I don’t like about this. Amy: What are we supposed to do? Ne: Normally, it would have been just as easy as telling him to take a break, but we can’t win this without him. The Sentinels are throwing everything they got at us, we can’t afford to not do the same. Amy: Do you really think that Kris’ squad will help?  Ne: It will. I don’t need them to fight for us, I just need them as someone that will cover us. Slasher and Natalie come back into the living room and place the glasses and plates onto the table. They all sit in front of the table. Nat: So, Dominik, I haven’t seen you in the recent races. What’s going on? Slasher: I decided to take a temporary brake from races. Nat: Really? Why? Slasher: Currently, there are no interesting opponents for me to race, so I’m waiting for someone more challenging to show up. Ne: And I see that you’re pretty modest about it. Slasher: Of course I am. Amy: Easy to take a brake when you’ve already earned enough money for the rest of the life. Slasher: What can I say, my life is pretty good right now. The doorbell is heard from the entrance. Slasher goes to open the door. He pays for the pizza and brings it in. Amy: Hey Dom. Slasher: What? Amy: How are you going to eat the pizza with your helmet on?  Slasher: God damn it! Nat: One of the rarest things i ever see: Dominik not wearing his helmet. Slasher: Yup. Amy: Lets eat, I’m starving. Ne: Than in that case, bon appetit. Frisk is walking through the next room. Hurt, beaten, and fearful for our lives, we surrendered to the humans. Seven of their greatest magicians sealed us in this realm with their technology. Anything can enter through the portal, but only beings with a powerful soul can leave. There is only one way to beat this system. If a huge power, equivalent to seven human souls, attacks the barrier... It will be destroyed. But this cursed place has no entrances or exits. There is no way a human could come here. We will remain trapped in here forever.  Frisk enters the next room. This room is much darker. The only light sources are glowing mushrooms, trees, the lights on her suit and her glow stick. She uses those light sources to navigate through the room. After a few minutes of walking around, she finally reaches the next room. It is just as dark as the last one. Without candles or magic to guide them Home, the monsters used crystals to navigate. Frisk continues walking through the dark room. She goes through the small river, only to find an echo flower a the end of the room. Behind you. Frisk doesn’t even need to hear the voice of the echo flower to know Undyne said that to it. Undyne: Seven. Seven human souls. With the power of seven souls, our king... King ASGORE Dreemurr... will become a god. with that power, Asgore can finally shatter the barrier. He will finally take the real world back from humanity... And give them back the suffering and pain that we have endured. Understand, human? This is your only chance at redemption. Give up your soul... Or I’ll tear it from your body. Undyne creates a single spear in her hand and starts slowly walking towards Frisk. Frisk tries to back up, but she hits the wall behind her. Undyne prepares to strike Frisk. Not a second too early, Monster Kid comes out of the bushes and stands between Undyne and Frisk. MK: Undyne!!! I’ll help you fight!!!  Monster Kid notices the death stare Undynes sending to Frisk. MK: YO!!! You did it!!! Undyne is right in front of you!!! You’ve got front row seats to her fight!!!  Frisk: Yeah... about that... Monster Kid turns around to look at Undyne again and he notices that Frisk is the only one who’s in front of Undyne. MK: Wait... Who’s she fighting??? Undyne grabs Monster Kid by his cheek and starts dragging him away. MK: H-hey! You aren’t gonna tell my parents about this, are you? Frisk breathes out a sigh of relief. Chara: That was close. Frisk: Way too close. Chara: Lets go before she comes back. Frisk starts going back and notices another path. Se follows it. As she goes through the echo flowers, she hears many conversations that were remembered by the echo flowers. The echo flowers start repeating each other. Their sentences become mixed before they turn into random sounds. They become louder and louder as they start repeating the same words and sounds. Frisk rushes forwards becasuse she is creeped out by the echo flowers. Thankfully, the next area doesn’t contain any echo flowers. Frisk starts crossing the bridge. She is almost at the end of it, when Monster Kid calls out to her MK: Yo! Monster Kid walks up to Frisk. MK: Yo, I know I’m not supposed to be here, but... I wanna ask you something. Man, I’ve never had to ask anyone this before... uhm... Yo... You’re human, right? Frisk: Yes. MK: Haha. Man! I knew it! Well, I know it now, I mean, Undyne told me, um, “stay away from that human.” So, like, ummm... I guess that makes us enemies, or something. But I kinda stink at that, haha. Yo, say something mean so I can hate you? Frisk looks at Monster Kid. It is obvious she doesn’t really want to insult him. After all, he looks a lot younger than she is. MK: Please? Frisk: Fine, but only because you asked for it. I... I hate your guts! Chara: Really Frisk? MK: Huh...? Yo, that’s your idea of something mean? Frisk shrugs. MK: My sister says that to me all the time! Guess I have to do it, haha. Yo, I... I hate your guts... Man, I... I’m such a turd. I’m... I’m gonna go home now. Monster Kid starts walking back, but he trips over and almost falls from the bridge. He is hanging on it with his mouth. Frisk: Monster Kid! MK: Yo, w-w-wait! Help! I tripped! Frisk gets ready to run to Monster Kid, but Undyne suddenly appears and the sight of her freezes Frisk for a second. Frisk decides that saving Monster Kid is more important than running away, so she ignores Undyne and runs to Monster Kid. She grabs his head with one hand and his back with the other and carefully pulls him up. Undyne is surprised by Frisk’s choice, but continues walking towards her anyway. Monster Kid notices Undyne’s intentions and defensively stands between the two of them. MK: Y... y... yo... dude... If y-you wanna hurt my friend... You’re gonna have to get through me, first. Undyne takes a step back before she walks away. MK: She’s gone... Yo, you really saved my skin. Frisk: And you saved mine. MK: Guess being enemies was just a nice thought, haha. We’ll just have to be friends instead... Man, I should really go home... I bet my parents are worried sick about me! Monster Kid starts walking away MK: Later dude! Frisk continues following the path. At the end of the room, stands Undyne, on top of a pile of rocks. Her back is turned, her hair is being pushed by the wind as she looks off in to the distance, looking at the Core and Hotland. Chara: How did she get here so fast? Undyne: Seven. Seven human souls, and King ASGORE will become a god. Six. That’s how many we have collected thus far. Understand? Through your seventh and final soul, this world will be transformed. First, however, as is customary for those who make it this far... I shall tell you the tragic tale of our people. Chara: It’s no use to us knowing it if we’re not around to remember it. Undyne: It all started, long ago... No, you know what? Undyne looses her calm voice, as she looses patience. Undyne: SCREW IT! WHY SHOULD I TELL THAT STORY! WHEN YOU’RE ABOUT TO DIE!?!  Chara: I know, right? Undyne: NGAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Undyne takes off her helmet revealing her face. She looks like a fish monster with blue skin. Her good eye flashes an orange color and her sharp teeths intimidate Frisk. Undyne: YOU! You’re standing in the way of everybody’s hopes and dreams! Alphys’ history books made me think humans were cool... with their giant robots and flowery sordswomen. Frisk is confused by that statement. Undyne: BUT YOU? You’re just a coward! Hiding behind that kid so you could run away from me again! Frisk: I prefer to call it tactical retreat. Undyne: And let’s not forget your wimpy goody-two-shoes-schtick! Oooh! I’m making such a difference by hugging random strangers! You know what would be more valuable to everyone? IF YOU WERE DEAD!!! That’s right, human! Your continued existence is a crime! Your life is all that stands between us and our freedom! Right now, I can Feel everyone’s hearts pounding together! Everyone’s been waiting their whole lives for this moment! But we’re not nervous at all. When everyone puts their hearts together, they can’t lose! Now, human! Let’s end this, right here, right now. I’ll show you how determined monsters can be! Step forward when you’re ready! Fuhuhuhu! Frisk touches the nearby star. She feels the wind howling. Frisk finishes interacting with the star and is filled with determination.  Undyne: That’s it, then... No more running away! Undyne jumps down from the top of the passage. Undyne: HERE I COME!!!!!!! Undyne lands with one spear stabbed into the ground. Her armor glows with green lights. A green heart appears on her body, when, with a single swipe of her spear, she freezes Frisk in a tight place, turning her soul green. She can only barely move for a few steps. Undyne: En guarde! Undyne: As long as you’re green you can’t escape! Unless you learn to face danger head-on... you won’t last a second against me! Undyne sends three slow spears flying towards Frisk. She holds her glow stick in front of her and blocks the spears. While Frisk was blocking, Undyne suplexed a bolder.  Undyne: Not bad! Then how about this!? Undyne sends six spears with equal speed, two spears from three sides. Frisk quickly turns around as she finishes blocking the rows of spears. Undyne: Fir years, we’ve dreamed of a happy ending... Undyne fires multiple spears from different angles at Frisk. Luckily, they are still moving relatively slow. And now, sunlight is just within our reach! This time, the spears are moving faster. Every time when Frisk blocks a spear, it becomes more liquid and falls to the ground. The glow stick doesn’t even have a scratch from all of the blocking. Frisk and Chara noticed some while ago that it is probably one of the strongest materials, since it can easily block anything and everything. Undyne flips her spear impatiently. Undyne: I won’t let you snatch it away from us! Another set of spears is thrown, but none of them damage Frisk. Undyne: NGAHHH! Enough warming up! Undyne Throws fast spears from all directions, forcing Frisk to constantly spin around so she could block them. Undyne swipes her spear, releasing Frisk from the effect of the green magic and sends a bigger spear flying towards her. Since the spear is too big for the glow stick to block the entire thing, Frisk rolls out of the way. While Undyne is summoning a new set of spears, Frisk quickly runs past her, through the passage. Chara: Not being able to escape, she said. Undyne runs after her and catches her a few seconds later. She uses the green magic on Frisk again, disabling her from running away. Undyne: You won’t get away from me this time! Honestly, I’m doing you a favor... Undyne summons more spears, but these ones are slower and they are coming from only two sides. Frisk easily blocks all of them. Undyne: No human has ever made it past Asgore! Killing you now is an act of mercy! Undyne sends waves of really fast spears. Frisk barely manages to block all of them. Undyne draws her finger across her neck. Undyne: So stop being so damn resilient! Undyne sends more spears. On the last one, she shuts down the green magic again, giving Frisk space to dodge the big spear and start running away again. She easily catches up to Frisk, but this time, it takes her a little bit longer, because her heavy armor is slowing her down, while Frisk’s suit is light and gives her all the agility she needs. Undyne turns Frisk’s soul green again. Undyne: You’ve escaped from me for the last time! Alphys told me humans were determined. She sends out a wave of spears. Frisk blocks almost all of them. The last one goes over her and stabs her in the back. The pain makes Frisk gasp. Even tho the spears are made out of water and magic, they hurt almost as bad as the real ones. Undyne: I see now what she meant by that! Furring the next wave, two spears go over Frisk, but this time, she’s ready and succeeds at blocking them.  Undyne: But I’m determined, too! Undyne sends a group of those special spears. It takes Frisk longer to calculate their order, but she still manages to react in time. Undyne: Determined to end this right now! Undyne starts combining normal and the special spears. Frisk gets hit in the back once again. This time, the pain doesn’t go away. Undyne: RIGHT NOW! Frisk manages to block the next wave of spears. Undyne: RIGHT... NOW! Undyne sends a set of really fast spears. The pain in Frisk’s back is making it harder to think for her. She barely blocks the spears. Undyne: NGAHHH!!! DIE ALREADY, YOU LITTLE BRAT! She creates a wave filled with those special spears. One of the spears hit Frisk’s arm. Frisk can’t feel her right arm anymore. She sloppily dodges the big spear and starts running. The numb arm and spine are making it harder for her to run. Suddenly, Frisk hears her phone ring. While she runs, she takes her phone. It’s Papyrus. Frisk answers the phone while she continues running. Papyrus; HEY! WHAT’S UP!? I WAS JUST THINKING... YOU, ME, AND UNDYNE SHOULD ALL HANG OUT SOMETIME! I THINK YOU WOULD MAKE GREAT PALS! LETS MEET UP AT HER HOUSE LATER! Papyrus hangs up.  Frisk: Yeah, great, and why don’t I just serve my soul on a silver plate while I’m at it! Frisk runs past a “WELCOME TO HOTLAND!” sign. Undyne catches up to her again. Undyne: STOP RUNNING AWAY!!! NGAHHH!!! DIE ALREADY, YOU LITTLE BRAT! Luckily, this time Undyne doesn’t use green magic, because Frisk doesn’t think that she would be able to block spears with one arm. She keeps jumping out of the way. Undyne: YOU’RE GETTING IN MY WAY! Frisk keeps dodging. Undyne: I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED! Undyne starts summoning and sending spears from all directions. Frisk keeps dodging them and going around them, practically dancing around them. After a few attacks, Frisk notices that the heart symbol on Undyne’s armor is starting to fade as she gets more tired. Frisk continues running. Suddenly, instead of the metal black floor, Frisk is running on a stone path. Frisk runs past Sans, who is sleeping and his post. Undyne rambles something about him being lazy. When Undyne starts running after Frisk again, Sans wakes up. Sans: well, would ya look at that. looks like undyne’s boiling with rage and it looks like frisk got heat on her. i guess it’s time for me to keep my promise. Sans creates one short bone and throws it at Undyne’s legs. Since the bone is coming behind her, Undyne doesn’t notice it and trips on it. The bone instantly disappears. The armor starts absorbing all of the heat of the bridge. The heat starts to daze Undyne. Armor... so... hot...  But I can’t... Give up... Undyne tries to get up, but fails. Frisk notices a water cooler nearby. She drops the glow stick, so she could hold the cup with her good arm. She somehow manages to fill the cup with only one arm and brings it to Undyne. Frisk carefully pours the water on her. Undyne’s energy returns and she gets up. She looks at Frisk for a moment. Undyne notices Frisk’s fear, but the wish to help as well. It is only fair to spare Frisk, since she’s the reason why Undyne lived. At least, that was Undyne’s excuse for not continuing the fight. Undyne walks away. Chara: Good thing she can’t stand heat. Frisk: Yeah, but I can’t feel my arm. Chara: Go to that lab, we might find something useful. Frisk: Okay. Frisk enters the huge lab with hope to find some medication.   Prologue Chapter 10 Chapter 12

[squaredancing-weston]

para || Romancing the Cards

Time: Saturday night, 18 February 2017

Setting: Online

Summary: On the heels of Valentine’s Day, the staff decides to play up their less-than-romantic side with a new game of Cards Against Humanity…

Part 2 (End)

[6:42:52 PM] <Kurt> next game... fewer rounds [6:42:59 PM] <Marley> Yeah agreed [6:43:03 PM] <Brody> I'm thinking ten? [6:43:13 PM] <Blaine2> That sounds better, yeah [6:43:17 PM] <Brody> with blanks [6:43:19 PM] <Kurt> and some blank cards [6:43:26 PM] <Marley> yeahhh and like expansion packs? [6:43:30 PM] <Kurt> Sure [6:43:42 PM] <Brody> we already have them [6:43:49 PM] <Marley> I didn't see them I guess lmao. [6:43:57 PM] <Marley> I was gone half the day XD [6:44:35 PM] <Blaine2> I gotta use the little boy's room. Brb [6:44:49 PM] <Brody> ...and my sane friend left [6:44:50 PM] <Brody> and my son [6:45:05 PM] <Brody> well, at least I still have pizza [6:45:18 PM] <Marley> Ohh. I have Chinese [6:45:21 PM] <Sebastian> Lily grow tired of your company? [6:45:26 PM] <Kurt> Blank card surfaces round one [6:45:29 PM] <Kurt> nice [6:45:37 PM] <Brody> I only told one story! [6:45:37 PM] Marley wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [6:45:50 PM] <Marley> I've heard others ;) [6:45:50 PM] <Sebastian> I've heard plenty. [6:47:21 PM] Brody wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [6:48:22 PM] Blaine2 wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [6:49:07 PM] Brody wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [6:50:54 PM] Marley wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [6:51:38 PM] <Blaine2> Well, this got quiet [6:51:53 PM] Sebastian wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [6:52:09 PM] <Sebastian> A little. [6:52:12 PM] <Kurt> Sorry I'm multitasking [6:52:17 PM] <Kurt> (i.e. i've got hw due in a few hours) [6:52:19 PM] <Marley> Sorry! [6:52:27 PM] <Blaine2> For real, Bas, how are you feeling? [6:53:05 PM] <Blaine2> I just realized that sound accusatory, I'm just legitimately asking [6:53:26 PM] <Sebastian> I'm fine, Killer. Stop fussing. Or bring your ass over here and I can prove it. [6:53:27 PM] Brittany wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [6:53:30 PM] <Brody> he's on his feet, at least [6:53:36 PM] <Brody> and snarky [6:53:53 PM] <Blaine2> I'm not fussing, I'm just asking, S :P [6:54:49 PM] <Brody> don't let him guilt you SB-- he just wants your ass [6:55:30 PM] Brody wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [6:55:48 PM] <Sebastian> Damn right I do. [6:55:53 PM] <Sebastian> Bring it to me. [6:55:59 PM] <Blaine2> Okay [6:56:15 PM] <Brody> sorry say huh? [6:56:24 PM] <Brody> be strong, Son! [6:56:48 PM] <Brody> hold out against the Corruptive Mentor and his evil ways [6:56:51 PM] <Sebastian> He's doing the smart thing. [6:57:19 PM] <Sebastian> Come on - you wanted him to get a favourite sex position. [6:57:33 PM] Brittany has left the game. [6:57:33 PM] <Blaine2> ^ [6:57:36 PM] <Brody> he doesn't want //your// favorite sex position [6:57:38 PM] <Sebastian> I'm just being a good samaritan [6:57:48 PM] <Sebastian> Hey, I'm willing to switch it up. [6:57:48 PM] Blaine2 wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [6:57:55 PM] <Marley> Aww Brittany left. [6:57:58 PM] <Sebastian> He can decide for himself. [6:58:04 PM] <Marley> She left me alone with all of you :P [6:58:13 PM] <Sebastian> Lucky you [6:58:31 PM] <Brody> he's obviously lost his mental facilities and can not be allowed to make his own decisions [6:58:37 PM] <Brody> you'd be taking advantage, Bas [6:58:53 PM] <Blaine2> I'm completely sane, thank you [6:58:55 PM] Sebastian wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [6:59:11 PM] <Brody> well, okay-- glove up [6:59:17 PM] <Brody> obviously [6:59:42 PM] <Blaine2> Obviously. Don't wanna catch that mono STD [7:00:05 PM] <Brody> good point [7:00:14 PM] Blaine2 wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [7:00:19 PM] <Sebastian> You guys need to stop listening to Spencer. [7:00:31 PM] <Kurt> Where is he anyways? I thought he was joining [7:00:32 PM] <Brody> (low blow Blaine) [7:00:53 PM] <Blaine2> (he's talking about himself shhh) [7:00:55 PM] <Marley> Damn I should have saved mine for another round, but I couldn't help it >.> [7:01:43 PM] Brody wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [7:01:51 PM] Play 2 cards, in the order you wish them to be judged. [7:01:53 PM] <Marley> See should have saved it :P [7:02:50 PM] <Sebastian> What? [7:03:36 PM] Marley wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [7:04:39 PM] <Sebastian> Shit. [7:04:42 PM] <Blaine2> Shiiit [7:04:48 PM] <Blaine2> I thought I had that shit in the bag [7:04:54 PM] <Kurt> Ahahaha [7:05:01 PM] Brody wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [7:05:04 PM] <Brody> YES! [7:05:05 PM] <Blaine2> DAMN [7:05:09 PM] <Marley> That was a blank card, wasn't it? :P [7:05:13 PM] <Sebastian> That was close. [7:05:18 PM] <Sebastian> Not gonna lie. [7:05:25 PM] <Brody> not surprised [7:05:37 PM] <Brody> I bet it wouldn't have been if I'd added David too [7:05:52 PM] Brody wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [7:05:58 PM] <Marley> Way to play dirty ;) [7:05:59 PM] <Sebastian> That'd do it. [7:06:01 PM] Play 2 cards, in the order you wish them to be judged. [7:06:36 PM] <Sebastian> ((fuckfuck if this was OOC i'd have the perfect one for this)) [7:08:16 PM] Blaine2 wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [7:10:10 PM] Finn wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [7:10:26 PM] <Kurt> (HAHAHAHA NOW KURT'S IN LAST) [7:10:42 PM] <Kurt> (i was secretly hoping for this the moment seb went up 2) [7:11:03 PM] <Sebastian> (Sebastian is POINTEDLY not saying anything XD) [7:11:28 PM] <Blaine2> (Cause that's a good way to make Blaine /not/ come over lmao) [7:11:46 PM] Brody wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [7:11:54 PM] <Sebastian> ((Also in a way, he's like, now I look like a better person)) [7:12:54 PM] <Finn> [I am going to have to go now. Its gone 3am here] [7:13:11 PM] <Blaine2> [Damn! Okay, goodnight! [7:13:14 PM] <Sebastian> (Are you in the UK too??) [7:13:16 PM] <Marley> (Night) [7:13:19 PM] Finn wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [7:13:23 PM] <Brody> (night) [7:13:25 PM] <Sebastian> (I mean it's the same for me, but my sleeping pattern suckssss) [7:13:28 PM] <Kurt> (onen last win before youre out! night!) [7:13:31 PM] <Finn> [I am. ] [7:13:41 PM] <Finn> [Night night] [7:13:47 PM] <Sebastian> (Morning :P) [7:13:49 PM] Finn has left the game. [7:15:01 PM] <Blaine2> Sorry, I'm hella distracted rn [7:15:47 PM] Marley wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [7:15:55 PM] Play 2 cards, in the order you wish them to be judged. [7:17:43 PM] Brody wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [7:18:37 PM] <Blaine2> Oh my god [7:18:46 PM] Sebastian wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [7:18:52 PM] <Brody> yeah, sorry SB [7:18:53 PM] <Brody> no choice [7:18:58 PM] <Kurt> . . . [7:18:58 PM] <Sebastian> The clear winner. [7:19:00 PM] <Brody> I even knew it was a trap [7:19:02 PM] <Blaine2> Are you the chief, Bas? [7:19:21 PM] <Blaine2> Does the position come with a badge? [7:19:28 PM] <Sebastian> You know it ;) [7:19:31 PM] <Brody> he does need a badge [7:19:42 PM] <Brody> we were supposed to have a ceremony, Blaine [7:20:01 PM] <Blaine2> Apparently we have to now [7:20:05 PM] San has joined the game. [7:20:14 PM] <Blaine2> Should my ass require blood sacrifices? [7:20:15 PM] <Brody> you have your Worship by Primitives Badge [7:20:22 PM] <Kurt> Glitched on me... it's frozen on the one I picked last time and won't let me pick a new one. :/ [7:20:35 PM] <Marley> Hey, Santana! [7:20:37 PM] <Brody> it'll let you go next round [7:20:54 PM] Kurt was skipped this round for being idle for too long. [7:21:03 PM] Sebastian wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [7:21:11 PM] Play 2 cards, in the order you wish them to be judged. [7:21:24 PM] <Sebastian> Going for fashionably late, San? [7:22:14 PM] <San> Don't I always? [7:23:05 PM] Marley wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [7:23:28 PM] <Kurt> I feel like I've consistently chosen Marley as of late... Ryan Gosling was pretty much an instant-win NGL [7:24:15 PM] <Blaine2> Yeah, I've been reexamining our friendship and wondering where I went wrong [7:24:26 PM] <Marley> I target them just for you ;) [7:24:31 PM] Marley wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [7:24:32 PM] <Marley> Not really though, but you have, and I thank you :D [7:25:08 PM] <Kurt> oh no! i keep breaking the game trying to select a card it says I dont have [7:25:13 PM] <Sebastian> ((that was my weakness for My Immortal shining through ngl)) [7:25:16 PM] <Kurt> dang it! [7:25:26 PM] <Kurt> it doesn't let me pick a card then to play :< [7:25:47 PM] <Kurt> hmmm refresh has fixed it [7:25:54 PM] <Kurt> nevermind all is good :) [7:26:06 PM] Kurt wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [7:27:29 PM] Marley wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [7:27:42 PM] <San> That was a hot card, Marls. [7:27:53 PM] <Marley> Thanks, San. I thought you'd like it ;) [7:28:34 PM] Blaine2 wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [7:28:45 PM] <Blaine2> Aww thanks, Brodes [7:28:53 PM] <Brody> Son, did you have that left over from you Chiefton days? [7:29:08 PM] <Blaine2> I did, yeah. Saving it for something special [7:29:20 PM] San wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [7:29:24 PM] <Brody> glad that worked out for you [7:29:28 PM] Play 2 cards, in the order you wish them to be judged. [7:29:29 PM] <Brody> And San--so right on [7:29:33 PM] <Brody> I heartily approve [7:29:46 PM] <Sebastian> Shame Spence isn't here. He could've learned from that round. [7:30:06 PM] <San> Isn't it the worst? [7:30:12 PM] <Brody> Really is [7:31:04 PM] <Brody> I mean, you gotta be willing to put your money where your mouth is [7:31:21 PM] <Brody> or some more literal variant of that idea [7:31:53 PM] <San> I haven't had to worry about it lately. [7:31:56 PM] Brody wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [7:31:57 PM] <Sebastian> Finally we agree on something. [7:32:04 PM] Play 2 cards, in the order you wish them to be judged. [7:33:29 PM] <Brody> (Brody is staying quiet) [7:33:59 PM] Blaine2 wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [7:35:33 PM] Blaine2 wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [7:35:41 PM] Play 2 cards, in the order you wish them to be judged. [7:35:46 PM] <Blaine2> Brody, were you the Florida one? [7:36:36 PM] <Brody> there was a florida one? [7:36:57 PM] <Blaine2> I [7:36:59 PM] <Blaine2> I [7:37:04 PM] <Blaine2> I'll take that as a no [7:37:12 PM] <Brody> sorry-- it's getting late [7:37:20 PM] <Brody> I'm still recovering from yesterday [7:37:21 PM] <Marley> Bed time? [7:37:47 PM] <Blaine2> It's fine, it is getting a little late. Especially if you're an old timer, I suppose [7:37:54 PM] <Brody> exactly [7:38:59 PM] Brody wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [7:39:14 PM] <Marley> Look at that! Even sleepy you win! [7:39:20 PM] <Blaine2> Congrats, Dad. For winning again. [7:39:29 PM] <Brody> thank you, thank you [7:39:48 PM] <Brody> I would like to thank all of the Little People, who stayed off my Lawn so I could be here [7:39:53 PM] <Kurt> Congrats again, Brody [7:39:57 PM] <Kurt> I'm off to bed now I think.. Long day tomorrow. [7:40:03 PM] <Brody> ditto [7:40:11 PM] <Marley> Night guys! [7:40:15 PM] <Brody> Apparently we're introducing a dog and a horse [7:40:18 PM] <Blaine2> I'm getting off, too, yeah [7:40:19 PM] <Brody> it sounds like a movie [7:40:21 PM] <Kurt> Have fun [7:40:35 PM] <Sebastian> It sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. [7:40:36 PM] <Blaine2> Bas, can I actually come over or are you tired? [7:40:36 PM] <Sebastian> But good luck with that. [7:40:51 PM] <Kurt> 'night [7:40:51 PM] <Blaine2> I should probably specify that it's just to hang out [7:40:51 PM] <Blaine2> .. [7:41:28 PM] Error: Error communicating with server. Will try again in 0.5 seconds. [7:41:29 PM] <Blaine2> because I'm bored. [7:41:29 PM] <Marley> You can come hang with me :D [7:41:29 PM] <Sebastian> Of course, B. Because you're bored ;) [7:41:48 PM] <San> Gnight, party people. [7:41:53 PM] <Blaine2> Oh shut up :P [7:41:56 PM] <Blaine2> I'll be over soon [7:42:10 PM] <Marley> Awesome Sauce! See you soon! [7:42:13 PM] Kurt has left the game. [7:42:13 PM] <Sebastian> I'll be waiting. Night everyone but Kurt. [7:42:27 PM] <Blaine2> I'm glad he left before he saw that, Bas [7:42:28 PM] <Marley> If that was to me [7:42:31 PM] <Marley> lol [7:42:31 PM] <Marley> I'm tired [7:42:41 PM] <Sebastian> He was talking to me, Marls. [7:42:45 PM] <Marley> Damn :P [7:42:47 PM] <Marley> Yall suck [7:42:47 PM] <Sebastian> Night. [7:42:51 PM] Sebastian has left the game. [7:42:52 PM] <Marley> Night [7:43:13 PM] <Blaine2> Lol, I love you, Marls <3 get some sleep [7:44:08 PM] San has left the game. [7:44:28 PM] Marley has left the game.

[mrschangrettaships]

💟? lol (@kittyandco)

@kittyandco sure thing!!! gonna go with peter b!!!

❤ aunt may ships you two so goddamn hard she’s just so happy to see peter happy again and she loves u like she will invite u over to her place without including peter lmao ~gal time!!!!!~

❤ peter d e v o u r s all the info he can on the things u like. ur into art? better read up on every well known artist ever and get a bunch of prints of their paintings!!!! oh ur into this genre of music? LEARN ABOUT THE HISTORY OF THE GENRE WHERE DID IT START WHEN DID IT START HOW DID IT START WHY DID IT START WHO STARTED IT WHO ARE BIG NAMES ARE THERE ANY CONCERTS COMING UP LET’S GO SEE!!!!! u make him so so so happy and he wants to know everything about what makes u happy too~

❤ u two 1000000% make pizza together and while the first couple times.......left a little to be desired, eventually u get it and peter stops calling his fave pizza place to the point where theyre like ‘dude is peter dead? he hasnt ordered from us in like two months’ and it isnt until u two walk in that the staff is like ‘oh thank fuck he isnt dead hallelujah’

💙 after mj, peter is just so scared that he’s gonna mess this up and it prevents him from getting too close and he feels like he’s crossing that line that he’s made he’ll withdraw immediately. like one step forward, a giant fucking leap back. he just doesnt want to ruin this.

💙 with the weight gain peter’s self image really plummeted, like he wasnt a jock before by any means but now he’s heavier and diet culture is telling him that’s bad but he’s sad man let him eat his feelings and try to recover before getting a grasp on his weight but nah. the devil works hard but diet culture works harder and it worked really damn hard on making pete feel bad about how he looks and it makes him think he isnt worthy of u and ur time. like damn this cutie wants to be with him???? sounds fake but it isnt and gdi pete LET KITTY LOVE U!!!

💙 peter is terrified of losing u because of the spiderman thing. like beyond u not being able to handle him being gone and possibly dying, he’s afraid ur gonna die and that thought destroys him. one of these days he’s gonna slip up and someone’s gonna figure out who spiderman is and theyll get to him thru the people he’s closest too like may and u and god he cannot bear that it would wreck him

💜 is peter a boobs or butt man? the answer is simple: yes. he loves to bury his face in your chest and squeeze your ass, sometimes at the same time because ur so damn s o f t and he just m e l t s and wants to sweep you up into the bedroom wink wink

💜 while pete is more on the vanilla side he doesnt mind experimenting if that’s what u want to do. and he would be super turned on if u gave him power over u because wow u trust him that much??? u like him so much ur willing to be at his mercy and completely vulnerable???????? brb crying

💜 love love l o v e s giving u hickeys and other marks he’s like ‘fuck yeah for whatever reason kitty chose me and im gonna show off to the whole word SUCK IT EVERYONE ELSE’ god what a dork

bonus headcanon!!!

pete: hey babe

u: yeah?

pete: do u like me

u: ???? yes?????

pete: ok but do u....like like me?????

u: peter...................we’re married