#Braxton Miller

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Arthur for G-Magazine

[finnsbubblegum]

Good Night, Baby (Joel Miller X Reader)

Pairing: no-outbreak!joel miller x f!reader

Warnings: fluff, sweet joel, domestic joel, pregnancy, insecurity (let me know if i missed any)

Summary (Series): reader as Joel’s neighbor. Joel’s wife left him so Joel asked his neighbor for help in babysitting Sarah. 

Words count: 1k

A/N: This series is ending soon so be ready 🥺 This is part 18 of Where It All Starts. But it can also be read as a standalone. I'm so grateful for all of you! Thank you for your comments, reblogs, and likes ❤️ Love you!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Epilogue

*keys clanking*

Joel slowly opened the door and put his keys on the table. The lights were off but the TV was on. He walked to the living room and found you asleep on the couch. Joel turned the TV off then he crouched beside you and kissed your lips. 

“Hmm?” You opened your eyes slowly.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Joel stroked your head.

“Hmm.” You rubbed your eyes.

“Where’s Sarah?” Joel raised the blanket to cover your body.

“She’s in her room.” You yawned.

“Oh!” You suddenly felt a flutter in your stomach.

“He just kicked.” You chuckled and sat.

“What? Wait! I have to get Sarah!” Joel ran to Sarah’s room and carried her to you.

Joel promised Sarah to show her if her baby brother kicked so she could say hi. So he ran to Sarah’s bedroom and woke her up.

“I want to say hi to my baby brother!” Sarah squealed in Joel’s arms.

“Knock, knock.” You poked your belly.

Your baby understood the assignment. He kicked again.

“Oh! There he is.” You pointed at the side of your belly that was sticking out. It seemed like his little feet. 

“Hi! I’m your big sister!” Sarah said hi as you put her little hand on your belly.

Joel put his hand on top of yours and Sarah. The three of you chuckled. This was one of the most beautiful moments that you always had since you had Joel and Sarah as your family. 

“Okay! Back to bed, babygirl.” Joel kissed his daughter's head and carried her to her bedroom.

“Goodnight, sweetie.” You stroked Sarah’s head and kissed her goodnight.

“Good night, mommy.” Sarah waved her hand to you.

Then you went to lay on your bed while Joel took a shower. You groaned as you were trying to find a comfortable position on the bed. You felt contractions but it was mild so you were sure it was just braxton hicks. It wasn’t that painful to you but it was uncomfortable. You kept sighing and rubbed your belly. Joel finished showering and was ready to climb the bed when he realized there was something wrong. 

“You okay, baby?” He asked as he climbed on the bed.

“Hmm, it was just braxton hicks.” You sighed.

“What? Braxton? You named him braxton hicks?” Joel raised his eyebrows.

“What?” You furrowed your eyebrows. (I found videos on tiktok about the husbands don’t know what a braxton hicks is and found it so funny so I’ll use it here 😁)

“You named our baby without discussing it with me? I mean, I know you’re the one who's doing most of the work, but I contributed too.” He shrugged in disappointment.

“Baby, what are you talking about?” You giggled.

“Why are you laughing? This is not a laughing matter.” Joel was confused.

“Baby, it’s not our son’s name. Braxton hicks is the name of “false labor” pains. It’s a medical term.” You explained to him and chuckled.

He raised his eyebrows and nodded as he just understood what it was. He had no idea about it before and he thought it was his son’s name that you came up with.

“Are you in pain?” He started getting worried.

You nodded.

“But it’s not that bad. It’s just uncomfortable.” You put your hand on your belly.

“Wait here.” Joel ran to the bathroom.

*water flowing*

A few minutes flew and Joel came back to you. 

“Come on.” Joel put his arms around and carried you to the bathroom.

“What are you doing?” You giggled.

“I made you a warm bath. Hope it helps.” He slowly put you down and helped you move inside the bathtub.

“Hmm..This feels good.” You closed your eyes and smiled. 

“Do you want to join me?” You opened your eyes and looked at Joel.

He nodded and pulled off his towel that was covering his lower body. Then he went inside the bathtub right behind you, put his arms around you and pulled you closer to his chest.

“Thank you.” You kissed his arms that were around your chest.

“Glad it helps.” Joel kissed your shoulder.

You and Joel stayed like that until you felt better. He put on a towel on his waist then he helped dry you and put you to bed. Then he went back to the bathroom to shave. You sat on the bed putting moisturizer on your belly. Looking at the stretch mark then you started crying. Your mood changes during your pregnancy were horrible. And you were always feeling insecure about yourself. Joel heard your sobs so he peeked from the bathroom door. 

“What is it? Does it hurt again?” Joel walked to you and sat beside you on the edge of the bed.

You shook your head and looked at your stretch marks on your belly. 

“I’m not beautiful anymore.” You sobbed.

“You’re beautiful, baby. Wish I could see you being pregnant my whole life.” Joel chuckled.

You shook your head and said, “Look.” You showed him your stretch marks.

“Stretch marks don’t change your beauty.”  Joel caressed your belly.

Joel opened his palm asking you to give him the moisturizer. Then he helped you put on the moisturizer. His touch was so loving and affectionate that it made you feel calmer. 

“I love you, Joel.” You put your hand on his.

“I love you too.” Joel placed a kiss on your lips.

“Okay, I’m gonna finish this and join you in the bed soon. Alright?” Joel pointed at his jaw which still had shaving foam.

You nodded and laid on your sides on the bed getting ready to sleep. Joel finished shaving a few minutes later and climbed on the bed beside you. He snuggled behind your back and extended his hand to turn off the night lamp on your bedside table. 

“Good night, baby.” Joel kissed your temple and spooned you.

To be continued…

Taglist:

@lovelyygirl8 @skysmiller @moonlightdivine @crocodiile @angie2274 @pulchritudinousrogers @peqchsoup @msecho19 @happinessinthebeing @nyotamalfoy @nakedmoondiaries @dzaga890 @pa1g3-t0mm0 @prettysbliss @wanniiieeee @one-sweet-gubler @x-ap0llo-x @feministfanboi @ordinarylokix @afterglowsb-tch13 @padgraysonssram8re @tomorrowseverything @hummusxx @iranispunk @mrsyixingunicorn10 @likeanimagepassingby2 @mediocrewallflow3r @pedr0swh0r3 @mxtokko @dorck26 @cascactus28 @cheyxfu @stupidthoughtsinwriting @undermoonlightwalk @bigmoodyjoody @humanbug @sarahhxx03 @krisviciousx @quixscentsposts @dgct2 @dgraysonss @heybabyshae @fluffyspaceprincess @toottmblr @avengersfan25 @xixxala @dianaffddz @onzayhe @violetwitchmcu @welcometomyworldwithoutrules @kelh27

[penvisions]

garnish {chapter 8}

Pairing: Chef! Joel Miller x Bartender! Reader

Summary: A routine gets settled as you spend more and more time of yours in Joel's home. Sharing your lives in a new and exciting way. But of course, your streak of bad luck continues in a way you never could've expected.

Word Count: 5.5k

Warnings: stress, stressful work environment, secret relationship, power dynamics (due to work hierarchy), past trauma, family trauma, academic language, reader is in college, age gap, stalker, stalking, ultimatums, reader is so stressed, talk of pregnancy, braxton hicks doing the lords work of stressing everyone out, tommy makes an appearance, restaurant lingo, triggers associated with the food industry, smoking, allusions to cheating, dishonest language, racy photos, sexting, cigarettes, tobacco, outburst, sexual content, smut, unprotected p in v, reader has an iud, secret sex, sex in the workplace, oral, f receiving oral, cum eating (!), joel is a sexual menance, dirty talk, sweet talk, um if i missed anything let me know?

A/N: so, the first week of this year has thoroughly kicked my ass, but i've been distracting myself with finishing up this fic. i hope y'all like this new chapter, pls don't be mad at the ending, feel free to (kindly and not really)yell at me in the comment or even message me c:

ao3 link || series masterlist || main masterlist || ko-fi

Joel carried your unconscious form up the stairs, the weight of how different this time was compared to all the others before. Before you weren’t broken. Before it was all desperate kisses and the peeling off of clothes to get to the skin underneath. Before it was all sleepy mumblings as you had insisted on a movie only to fall asleep against him within the first half hour. Before it had been a quiet shadowing of each other after a long day of work. A refuge found in his room, all warm tones and soft sheets, softer skin underneath wandering hands.

But this time, this now, was so unlike all the times before. It was heartache and worry that permeated his very skin. Had been consuming him from the second he got that call you would be late because of a meeting with the man who visited you at the bar, who sent warning bells ringing within his mind.

It was after.

After the distance you had put between them for three days that he tried to respect. After the times he didn’t ask about the meeting, knowing you would tell him on your own if you wanted to. After he chased away an intruder that was determined to take what they wanted from you. After he fired that inane cook for his behavior toward you, citing all of instances he had failed to mesh into the atmosphere and environment he had painstakingly created in his restaurant. After he rushed to you, only to find you looking so small and alone in your apartment with a set of stitches he felt at fault for. After he saw you crumble in on yourself and reveal the broken pillars you had been trying to maintain.

You had seemed to calm, so quiet as you talked about your childhood. About a woman who tore you down before you could even begin to build yourself up. About a man who let her, who was supposed to care for you and protect you. A family that saw you as a burden to pass around. About a professor who was sworn to teach and provide a safe environment for his students. Who was abusing that power to protect the man who was targeting you now.

He tried to connect all the puzzle pieces that fell from your mouth in such a calm, matter of fact manner.

He tried to make sense of it all, his head pounding and his heart thudding as he laid you down in his bed and fixed the blankets around you the way he knew you liked. The softest one that normally rested over the comforter, slipped in between the sheets so the plushness of it brushed against your skin. A softness you craved in every aspect of your life but could only seem to find in the comfort of a measly blanket at the end of each day.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he cradled your face in his hands and wiped away the tears that had made tracks down your cheeks. Silent ones that had alarmed him as you fell apart in such a controlled way right in front of him. And he hadn’t been able to do a damn thing to help. His words had fallen on deaf ears, on resolute thoughts that this is what you deserved.

Joel sat there, silent tears of his own falling from bleary eyes as his heart ached for you. Resting his forehead against yours, he peppered kisses all over your face, he tried to make it right. He could only hope he was doing right by you, doing you more good than harm. You’ve had enough of that in your life, he was slowly learning.

Thinking back on his own girls, the ones he protected from bullies over not having mothers. The ones he protected over accusations that they weren’t wanted, that Joel was a poor substitute for a guardian. The ones that he cared for the second she was born and the second he realized one had been abandoned at a park. A mother that had been ill, hadn’t wanted to tell anyone, hadn’t wanted her daughter to know. A mother who had seen how Joel interacted with his own daughter and left a note in a coat pocket for him to find. Asking him to care for her like his own. A folder with all of her official papers loaded in the backpack she had left behind on a bench, hoping for the best of a situation she hadn’t revealed to anyone.

He ached.

For his girls. For the woman who saw him for the man he tried to be. For you.

The clock on the beside table displayed that it was late in the afternoon, bleary eyes looking around the darkened room. Joel was nowhere to be seen, no sign of him having been beside you, the covers wrapped around you and the other side of the bed cold to the touch when you reached out a hand.

Oh.

Trying to tamp down on the feeling of abandonment, you slipped from underneath the covers. The house was quiet, the ticking of a clock in the living room the only sound greeting you when you descended the stairs. The trilling of a phone the next thing to signal that you were alone. Joel’s phone left atop a counter in the kitchen, but his boots and wallet were missing. Tommy’s name flashed across the screen and you set your own down beside it and picked it up.

“Hello?”

“Oh finally! Someone is answering, Maria’s at the hospital now. Said she had a crawling feeling over her stomach, so we rushed in. Waiting on the doctor now.” His voice was frantic, his anxiety palpable over the line.

“Tommy, I’m sorry. I have no idea where Joel is, he left his phone behind.”

“Dammit, old man always forgetting it’s the only thing that let’s me talk to him.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry.”

“…you okay, hon?”

“I will be, do you want me to…come sit with you?”

“No, no, you just stay put. I’ll call if we need you to, okay? You’re so sweet for offering.”

A ding from the phone had you pulling it from your ear and the notification of a text peeked at you before disappearing. Then another and another. You couldn’t see anything other than the nondescript display of ‘new text message’, Joel opting to hide the details in case anyone glanced at his phone if he set it down at work.

“Okay, Tommy, everything is going to be okay.”

“Alright, hon, be in touch. Oh, and yell at my brother for me will ya? Old man leaving two important things behind in his rush for whatever pulled his attention.”

“Sure, Tommy.” You felt a small tug at the corner of your mouth. 

Making coffee in Joel’s house was a start to feeling more like yourself, you enjoyed it in the backyard, watching the way the sky reflected in the pool he had installed there. Cup half empty and cell phone in hand open to an email that sent your heart racing is where Joel found you when he returned home. The sound of his tires hitting the drive not registering even as you sat outside.

His warm hand cupping your shoulder focused your eyes to the way he was kneeled in front of you with a concerned look on his face.

“Hey, darlin’,” His lips quirked up, trying to comfort you any way he could. He leaned in to press a kiss to your temple. As if waking from a dream, you lunged at him and wrapped yourself tight around him at the touch. He huffed out as his butt hit the ground but it arms encompassed you all the same, his face buried in your hair as you tucked yours into the crook of his neck.

“I’m so sorry, Joel. I just got so overwhelmed and-and-“

“Hey, woah, hey now, it’s okay.”

“T-tommy called your phone while you were gone. Said Maria had to go to the hospital.”

“I know, called ‘im as soon as I got in. Said he spoke to you and to keep an eye on you as well. Everythin’ is fine with them, false alarm.”

“He-Joel, he told me it was his brother.”

“Who told you what now?”

“My professor, the guy who’s been doing all this to me, is his brother. Said that the internship I applied for is mine if I drop the charges and ‘play nice’.” Sardonic tone coated your words as you confessed to what had happened the other day, swallowing down the shame and embarrassment to talk to the man trying to take care of you, trying to look after you.

“What the f- oh darlin’, no.”

“He-he said it was my fault because of how I was dressed and interacted with him while he was a patron at the bar. How I interact with you, playing a victim but that the attention I’m getting is deserved.”

His silence was heavy, tension coiling in his muscles as he stayed wrapped around you. Anger and the need to protect rolling off of him in waves.

“We’ll fix this, okay. We’ll…we’ll reach out to the dean, take in copies of the two three police reports we have against the guy. They can’t argue with that paperwork, and I don’t know what your professor can do other than deny it, but they have to look into it if you bring that to their attention. They have to sweet girl, we’ll make this right. I’ll help you. I’ll go up there with you.”

You both sat in silence for a moment, when he shifted a little to hold your weight more evenly, his back cracked, and he tried to muffle the response of a groan. One of your hands stretched out to caress his back, hoping to alleviate the ache there.

“Got you some stuff for the house, to make yourself more comfortable. That fancy body soap you like so much, some of your favorite candles, supplies for lil Sweet Pea, stuff to make easy meals if you feel like cookin’. Was also gonna leave a card, ‘n I know you got your own money, for takeout if you wanna do that.”

All you could do was nod and press a grateful kiss to the column of his neck.

The rest of the week goes by smoothly, you finish your finals with passing grades and go to register only to find out that there’s a hold on your academic profile. You walked into work with a weird sense of reality, everything oversaturated and too bright. Sounds too loud, stomach clenching around what little you were able to eat that morning. Nervous about being back at work, nervous about signing the paperwork that Joel had drawn up for Mary to approve of. Nervous of how everyone would greet you after your rather embarrassing departure the last time you had been in the restaurant.

The sound of the backdoor opening garnered everyone’s attention, service beginning in about half an hour. You had your stitches removed but were deemed expo for the next two weeks to work at a lighter, easier pace to get back into using your hands to full mobility. You had been so worried about losing feeling or movement in your hand, due to how the knife had dug into your skin, but the doctors had eased your worries.

Joel was just now exiting the office, Mary on his heels as they called attention for the preservice meeting.

“Alright, now, we’ve had quite a few changes happen recently.” Joel started off, nodding to you as you sidled up to the last station and gave your attention to them both. Millie rushed to your side and took her arm in both of hers and pressed the side of her body to yours in greeting. You smiled softly at her, happy to see that she wasn’t too ragged looking after what Joel had said been a challenging week.

“As you know, we had a couple of incidents leading up to the firing of a recent hire. He didn’t mesh well with the team, as y’all were witness to. It is never okay to move about the kitchen or floor without using safety words. Communication is key, it allows us all a safe place to work and move in. Please proceed the way you’ve always done so, with respect and mutual understanding toward your fellow workers.”

“And it’s been brough to my attention that there is a shift in dynamics,” Mary cleared her throat, eyes glancing at you before she announced the one thing you were the most worried about. “Joel here and our bar manager have filed the appropriate paperwork declaring their relationship status. Now, that is not to say that anything will change around here. Work is work, personal life will remain outside of the premises, but this does not give anyone the right to retaliate against either of them.”

A soft hush of murmured words broke the silence of the kitchen, eyes raking over you and then over Joel. Millie’s arms tightened around your own, her eyes looking to you with something you couldn’t quite make out.

“Now, I know this may make a few people uncomfortable.” Joel spoke up, stepping forward to get the attention of the room back. “But I assure you, everything will remain professional and appropriate. There have been no promises or conditions of this, there is nothing but the blossoming of something that warranted such an announcement. To cover my butt and hers, it’s the right thing to do and that’s why it’s been done. I know we have two other couples employed here and it’s just the same paperwork they filed.”

Well into the service of dinner, Millie kept glancing at you any time she was in the kitchen. Her eyes training from your concentrated look as you made sure food was pristine before going out to the tables and Joel who was working away behind the stove stop and grill, the furrowing of his brow and the slight downturn of his lips as he focused on his dishes being perfect to hand off to you.  

“It’s lulled, gonna take a smoke break. That okay with you, chef?” Your eyes found his through the line, fingers tapping on the metal on the metal top, hands warm underneath the heat bars tucked up on the shelf. His eyes softened when they landed on you and he nodded an affirmation at you before turning back to one of the only two tickets that hadn’t been worked.

You barely light the end of your cigarette before a squealing Millie was approaching you from the closing back door.

“Oh my god, you bagged the chef!”

“Millie…”

“No, no, he’s like so ruggedly handsome and those eyes? Girl, you didn’t tell me you even liked him! Y’all been at each other’s throats but now it all makes sense! You wanted him, and he wanted you back.” She smirked over at you, hands lighting her own cigarette.

“Oh hush, dirty girl.” You tossed back, genuine smile pulling at your lips.

“But seriously, he’s good to you? I mean, he’s obviously serious about what y’all got drawing up the paperwork ‘n all.”

“He’s good to me, promise.” You take a long drag, holding in the inhale for a beat before exhaling it out in a deep sigh. “He’s helping me figure out this shit with my professor who’s telling me I can’t get the internship I’m qualified for unless I drop the police report and arrest out for his brother who attacked me.”

“No fuckin’ way, the guy who attacked you was your professor’s brother? That lowkey creepy guy who sat up at the bar with you a few times?”

“That’s the one.”

“Do…do you think if it all gets sorted out that you’ll leave the restaurant to do it?”

“Hmm?”

“I mean, a full time internship and your last semester, that’s going to be a lot to juggle. You’re a TA too, right? To get teaching credits.”

“Oh, um, I haven’t really thought about it. I was maybe considering just going down to weekend nights?”

You both talked and gossiped, tossing the butts of your spent cigarettes into the pail beside the door before going back in to finish the shift.

“Fuck.” You moaned, the sound filling the cool air of the walk in, back arching as you tried to push back against the man who had sheathed the entirety of his hard length into you with one smooth, drawn out move so attuned to your body. His grip on your hips was bruising, the feeling of him gripping tight to your shoulder even more so, but he didn’t move.

He seemed frozen, head bowed down and forehead connected with the back of your head, hands gripping tight, chest heaving with each deep breath and brushing hot against your back. Murmured words falling from his plush lips too quiet for you to catch, but you were sure if he could safely do so, he would be praising you in that filthy way he was prone to do. His large thighs were pressed to the backs of your own and the feel of his chef pants was rough on the naked skin of your thighs where he had pushed up the skirt of the dress you had worn for your shift.

“Please, Joel, I need you to move.” You circled your hips, grinding back on the entire length of him and you could feel yourself clench. A guttural moan sounded from his lips, puffing out in a misty breath.

“What did I tell you about bein’ a good girl f’me?” The hard line of him twitched deep inside you and your knees wobbled. The hand on your waist curled around your middle to help keep you upright, lest they give out on you completely. He pulled out nearly all the way only to slam back in, it took everything in you not to scream from the pleasure as white sparked across your vision. Your teeth digging into the hands that were grasping desperately onto the edge of the metal storage shelf you were pressed up against. Trying to hide the sound in an effort to keep the secret that had become your personal life just that, at least from any prying ears as your relationship had become common knowledge within the restaurant.

“Such a dirty girl, getting’ me all riled up in that lil dress. The skirt flippin’ up when you walk through the door to the floor.” He growled into your hair, close to your ear. His scruff tickling against your skin in the best way. He moved against you in quick movements, chasing his high and drawing you closer to yours.

“Ngh, Joel, please.” You whined quietly, moving your hips back to meet his thrusts.

“Come on, now, give it t’me,” He punctuated his words with pulling you closer to him, the backs of his thighs slamming against you so hard he was enamored with watching the way your ass jiggled. And you heeded his words, body tensing around him and clenching with the force of your release. Joel grunted at the feeling, reveling in the way that he could make you into such a crumbling mess, that you let him do it.

He followed after you, tingling in his spine at the way you clenched so tightly around him. Grinding his hips into you, he painted the inside of your walls with hot spurts, filling you up. You could feel some of the mixture of you both dripping down from where it collected around the base of him as he slowly moved against you as he rode out his release.

“Hmm, can’t take it all, can you? ‘m too much for you, huh, baby?”

You could only hum in response as he pulled out, wiggling your hips at him as he caressed down your waist and hips You could feel him kneeling down behind you, though you were too out of it to register what he could possibly be doing. Head set heavily on the shelf you still clung to, panting as you tried to come back to yourself, body alight in a way that was all encompassing. His large hands splayed across your cheeks, thumbs pulling you apart to watch his spend pooled up inside you. He groaned at the sight and without a thought he leaned in and swiped his tongue through your glistening folds.

A startled shout pushed out your chest, core throbbing at the overstimulation.

“Lucky it’s closin’ time, sweetheart, otherwise we’d be given away with all your pretty sounds.” He bit at your folds gently, teasing you with a smirk you could feel against you before he delved his tongue into your entrance and lapped up the salty taste of you both collected there. The thick wet muscle felt amazing, and you pressed yourself back to get more of the feeling. His nose bumped against you, and you keened as it sparked new tingles at a sensation against the tight ring of muscle you seldom paid attention to.

His hands spread you open, exposing you more to his ministrations as he moved down to suckle at your pulsing clit.

“Gonna give me ‘nother, come on now.”

The overstimulation, the feel of his teeth nipping and suckling, the tight grip he had on you, it was all so much, and you gushed against his skilled mouth. His mouth moved to gather what had trickled down the inside of your thighs, cleaning up every last drop from your body. Loving the way your muscles shook and your shoulders shuddered. Body going slack as he gave you one wide swipe of his tongue before standing behind you. He carefully dragged your panties back up your hips.

“Did such a good job, f’me,” His belt tinkled as he fastened it back together, body draping over your prone form. He turned you in his hold, your head lolling back slightly as you tried to look up at him through heavy lashes. You smiled, dazed and satiated, hands coming around the back of his neck to pull him down for a passionate kiss that took the last of your energy.

 The meeting of your lips let you taste the remnants of what he licked from your core and you moaned as he licked into your mouth. His scruff damp and glistening where it brushed against your skin.

“I…don’t want to go back. It feels…tainted.” You stared at the email summarizing the rather…tense meeting you just had with the dean and your advisor. The police reports Joel had handed over spelling out the situation better than your stuttering and his forceful words as he sat between you and your angry professor who had silently fumed as his life went up in flames.

The cab of his truck was warm, turned on a idling while he waited for the AC to combat the build up while it had been sitting in the campus parking lot. He looked over to you, wanting to reach out to grasp your hand or thigh but you were closed off, overwhelmed. You knew he did, could tell by the twitching of his fingers as he gripped the steering wheel though the wasn’t actively driving.

“Okay, we can pack up your things and get you someplace that you’re comfortable in.”

“Oh.” You tried to hide the way you deflated slightly, at his quick offer to help you find somewhere as if your things weren’t already scattered around his home. Like he hadn’t made you feel the most welcome you had out of the times you’ve spent at anyone’s home. His soft wake ups, his lips ghosting over your skin any chance he got. “O-okay, sure. I can start looking after work today.”

“Was gonna say you could take the night off, it’s been…a lot today.”

Trying to tamp down the feeling of him wanting space, knowing he was doing so out of genuine care for your wellbeing.

“Work helps, I need to feel like I’m doing something.” You looked over to him, eyes wide and searching for comfort.

“Whatever you want, darlin’.” He finally reached out when he noticed you tuck your phone back into a pocket and began to stretch toward him. He kissed the back of your hand before starting the truck and driving off.

The next few weeks were spent focusing on packing your apartment up, carefully wrapping everything up and labeling boxes for each room. There hadn’t been any news on the applications you filled out for places around the city, a lag in the market as the fall semester neared and college students flooded the city limits.

You found yourself laboring over moving the boxes around, looking for stuff you needed for school, getting out a larger backpack to prepare for long days of TA work, classes, and then closing shifts at the restaurant. Millie taking over for four days during the week and you on weekends. The worry of waiting for them to announce the recipients of the internship following the firing of your professor and the arrest of his brother a low hum in the back of your mind.

Joel stepped through the door and melted your worries with his attentive lips and wandering hands.

A text. A photo. A question if he was hard for her. Another photo. A wall of notifications streaming on the screen of his phone. A woman contacting him, her first name only. And Joel Miller was a man adamant about his contact information being first and last names, with business, neighbor, or restaurant identifiers. Only his family and you were saved in his phone with first names only. Only his family and you and this woman.

Anger and betrayal came alive inside of you, making your every move seem as if it was life or death. Each breath sucked in between clenched teeth burned in your lungs as the taut pull of tears constricted your throat and made your face feel too hot. Fingers trembling you tossed the phone back onto the bed, the screen continuing to light up. The shower was barely turning off when you called out to him, voice strong despite the shaking of your hands.

“Joel, who the fuck is Valerie and why is she sending you naked photos?”

“What?” He popped back into the bedroom, hair wet from his shower. He had been toweling off before coming back into the room to change.

“Valerie is sending you naked photos and racy texts.”

“God dammit,” He rubbed a thick hand over his face, hiding the expression he was making save for the furrowing of his brow.

“That’s all you have to say?” You asked, getting up from the bed, searching for your discarded clothes that had been peeled off by his own hands not even an hour ago. You pulled your jeans on with rough movements, worried about the way he wasn’t saying anything else and the stillness he adopted in the doorway. Steam wafted around him, stray droplets of water trailing off the ends of his curls and down his chest, looking like a sight that would normally have heat curling in your middle.

“It’s not-“

“It’s not what I think? Joel, every man in history says that line.” You shrugged the black hoodie back on, not bothering to fix the rumpled hood that bunched up in an uncomfortable way around the back of your neck and shoulder, hair half tangled in it.

He said your name, something he seldom did unless at work, preferring to use sweet names when alone together or out in public as things had blossomed. You turned to look at him from where you were shoving the errant items of yours that had found a home on the nightstand that mirrored his own on the other side of the bed. Phone, small wallet, keys, box cutter, rings back in place on shaking fingers. A hair claw that he had bought to replace the one you had lost nearly two months ago now. A special one in the shape of a butterfly made of muted teal and a shiny inlay for the wings. He had surprised you with it but now it felt like a punch in the gut.

“I don’t, Joel, I can’t do this.” You wouldn’t listen to the half-hearted mumbling falling from his lips, towel held up on his waist with one hand, still stood in the doorway across the room.

“She does this, every blue moon, Sarah’s mom. Gets lonely and reaches out in this way, it’s not-“

“And you haven’t told her to stop? That you’re seeing someone? That it’s inappropriate?”

“And this isn’t? You not hearing me out or even giving me the chance to explain?” The low timbre of his voice gave his growing frustration away.

“Obviously you like it, let her do it while I’m lying in your bed, in your house, avoiding talking about moving in with you even though my stuff is in boxes in the damn garage?”

A pause settled in the space between you both, eyes watching each other, waiting for words that might damn each other further or save this mess from growing into something unmanageable.

“I didn’t know she was going to.”

“But you didn’t tell her to stop the last time? When was the last time, Joel?” You turned to face him fully, eyes narrowed and a glint behind them told him how hurt you were, how much this was affecting you for you to shrink in on yourself. Question yourself, question everything you two had built over the last six months.

“When was the last time, Joel? Did you respond, send your own photos back?” His eyes met yours, determined to explain it all away. But it was making you angry, the secondary emotion to your hurt and insecurity.

“It was before, before the meeting when you asked about the fall menu.” He ran a hand through his damp hair, fingers raking through it in a nervous fashion you knew he displayed when overwhelmed and trying. But it hurt, the messages that had popped up.

Been missing you, big boy.

Need a response like last time, when you showed me how much you wanted me.

Can you call, I need to hear your voice, tell me how you like me.

“Before you smiled at me for the first time.”

“Before and now. She seems to think you’re gonna engage with her.”

“’m not, I wouldn’t. Wouldn’t be unfaithful to you.”

“Go ahead, no one’s stopping you.” His features hardened, hand holding the towel clenching tighter.

He was about to respond when his cell phone dinged again. And then rang.

The doorbell downstairs sounded in the air.

“She’s awfully eager, when was the last time?”

The doorbell sounded again, followed by a knock.

Tension crackled between you both, the knowledge that she wouldn’t be so adamant if the last time was over four months ago. His gaze broke from yours and to the carpet at your feet.

“Okay, that’s fine. That’s…perfectly fine, deny it. Don’t tell me the truth. I get it, you both have history. She’s not someone who works for you, she’s not as young as the daughter you both share. Don’t know what the fuck I was thinking falling for you anyway. You won’t even ask me to move in despite not having anywhere else to go.”

You bolted, falling back on instincts from when you had been in a similar situation last, from your emotions that were clawing their way out of your ribcage and fueling the words rushing from your lips.

“It was before we talked about doing this, before we kissed,” His small voice followed you out the door, but that was….that was too close to the dance you two had been engaged in around the restaurant, too close to not feel like a betrayal.

Muffled footfalls on the stairs echoed in your ringing ears as you left Joel standing in his bathroom doorway. The thud of you throwing your bag over your shoulder and woosh of the door opening underneath your hands. The woman from the photos was on his doorstep, her eyes glassy under the influence of whatever she had indulged in that night.

She seemed momentarily shocked as you shouldered past her, leaving the door wide open for her to see into the house that had been set up with a soft light in the living room for the evening.

“Who’re you?” She slurred, words jumbled together and voice honey sweet.

“Nobody.” You grunted at her as you marched down the walkway and toward your truck. The engine roared to life, and you didn’t look back to see if she had gone in of her own accord or if Joel had finally moved from his spot upstairs.

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[topguncortez]

What To Expect | Ch 8| A Jake Seresin Fic

Previous Part | Masterlist | Next Part word count: 3.3k synopsis: "Exes can have a baby, right?", a story in which Jake finds himself having a baby with the one person who can't even stand the sight of him. Slow burn, exes to lovers. warnings: pregnancy, cursing, mentions of infidelity, details of a mission gone wrong, death, PTSD, mentions of the Uranium Mission, tears, unrequited love, Braxton hicks, fear, Jake finally grows a pair, Bradley tho. . .

Jake didn’t expect to answer the door and see his ex-girlfriend in tears. But you stood on his doorstep, cheeks with pink tear streaks on them. You didn’t even say anything but Jake felt his heart break in his chest. 

“You lied?” You gulped and Jake hung his head in shame, “Why?” The second question was barely above a whisper. 

“I wish I could tell you,” Jake answered honestly. 

“Did you not want to be with me? D-did you fall out of-” 

“No, baby,” Jake stepped out of his house and grabbed your hands. He sighed and gently led you to the porch swing. He remembered all those nights where you’d lay in the backyard at your tiny base house in Lemoore, and tell him about the big country house that you wanted to have with Jake. You had fallen in love with Ally’s house in the ‘Notebook’ and wanted one just like it. So when Jake found his house here in San Diego, he made sure it had at least a porch swing. 

You still held his hand as you sat down next to him. You sniffled and placed your free hand on your belly, feeling your baby girl bouncing around. Doctor Miller said sometimes babies can feel your emotions, and you were starting to think she could feel that you were upset. 

Jake sucked in a breath and looked at you, “I didn’t tell you everything that happened on the Uranium Mission.” 

“I don’t want to-” 

“No, you need to know,” Jake said. You nodded and let him talk, “Rooster and Maverick got shot down while trying to escape coffin corner.” 

You knew bits and pieces of the mission from your father, Maverick, Rooster and Jake. Of course they couldn’t tell you everything because it was classified. But you had learned over the years where your dad kept his classified paperwork. And then Ice got smart and started making two copies, and blacking out any really important information. Jake had explained that “Coffin Corner” was where the true test of the mission would be. Bradley had explained the cuts and bruises on his body and told you that he had to eject and that he was happy to have made it home alive. 

“Somehow, when we sent off the tomahawks, they missed one of the enemy's jets. Maverick spotted it and he and Bradley stole it to fly home. Except, there were bandits circling the area the whole time, fifth gens. It was going to be a battle in an f-18. .  . it wasn’t even going to be a fair fight in an f-14. They somehow got in contact with the boat. I heard-” Jake shook his head, trying to gather himself. He sniffled and cleared his throat. You grabbed and squeezed his hand, “They were in trouble. They needed back-up. And I was just sitting there, waiting, and listening. I wasn’t about to listen to my team get shot down again. . . I couldn’t go through that again.” 

Jake wasn’t always the cold-blooded pilot that they knew him to be. The story of the air-to-air kill wasn’t as heroic as everyone thought it was. It was tragic and horrible and sad. Jake had witnessed his wingman, Rider, being shot out of the air, and heard every single moment of it. The screams for help as he was burning in, Jake trying to shake off his own enemy fighter, the prayer for God to come save him, and the goodbye to his wife and child. Jake had hardly ever talked about Rider, it was just too sad. But it was something that played in the back of his head, and was always there to remind him. 

“I went against the direct order to standby. I took off, no back up, no idea what I was about to get myself into, nothing, but your dad screaming in my ear to get my ass back to the damn carrier,” Jake chuckled sadly and you smiled a bit, “I got there just in time. They were out of flares, out of bullets. The fifth gen had missile lock on them. Maverick was telling Rooster to eject but he couldn’t. So, he pulled up as quick as he could to hopefully send them into G-Loc, so when they got-” 

A sob left your mouth as Jake recounted the events of the mission. 

“But I got there,” Jake breathed out, “I got there in time, and I shot the gen down. But that whole time, the only two things I could think about were Rider’s little girl, and you,” Jake looked at you, his green eyes had tears in them, “Miranda sends me pictures of her and god, she looks just like him. And I kept thinking about how she’s growing up without a dad. And how Rooster grew up without a dad. And that I wasn’t, I-I couldn’t be the reason that yet another child would be without a father.” 

“I wasn’t even pregnant then,” You said. 

“No, but it was going to be in the future. Not as soon as we thought, but that's how it goes. Dating, engagement, marriage. . . kids,” Jake swallowed, “I couldn’t sleep that night cause the only thing replaying in my mind was watching some little one, the perfect mix of you and I, receiving my dog tags and a flag with some letter from the Commander of the Pacific fleet. And I couldn’t bring myself to want that for you. But I also couldn’t break up with you either. So I lied.” 

You shook your head and stood up from the porch swing. Jake watched as the gears turned in your head about what to say. You were a lot like your father in the way that you went quiet when you were made, thinking of the perfectly calculated thing to say. Jake had only been on the receiving end of your anger a couple times, and it was terrifying. He would rather take you yelling and screaming at him, then nothing. 

Your hands went to your belly as you felt the tightening of your stomach. You closed your eyes and ran your hands over your bump, “Settle down, little bug, settle it down,” You let out a breath through pursed lips and looked at Jake. 

“Are you okay?” Jake asked, wanting to reach out and pull you into his arms to feel his baby moving around. 

“Braxton Hicks,” You shook your head, “I am too worked up over the fact that you chose to be a fucking coward!” Jake closed his eyes as you yelled at him, “You don’t get to choose what is best for me, Jacob. It’s my choice! MINE! You’re scared of never coming home? Well I am scared too! I am scared every single time you deploy that it’ll be the last time I ever see you. That my dad is going to have to come to my front door and tell me that you’re dead.” 

You could feel your stomach tightening even more, and your chest starting to heart as you paced. Jake stood up from his spot as he watched you. 

“I love you, Jake. I love you so much that it makes me fucking sick. Every rational thought in my head is telling me that I shouldn’t. That I should just leave you be and go with the safer option. To go for the person who wouldn’t let their fears get in the way of loving someone.” 

He knew you were talking about Bradley, and it felt like a knife in his chest. 

“But you don’t love him like that?” Jake didn’t mean for it to come out like a question, but it did. 

“No, I don’t,” You answered and Jake could tell you were telling the truth, “Because I am so stupidly in love with you.” 

Jake crossed over to your side, and grabbed your face, placing a kiss on your lips. You fisted his shirt in your hands, holding onto him tightly as if he were to disappear. The kiss was as if you were oxygen and Jake was running out of air. He kissed you passionately and held onto you tightly, feeling the baby within you kick around. 

You pulled away from him, and rested your forehead against his. You braced your hands on his chest, as his hands went to cradle your bump. You had begun to feel huge seeing your bump nearly double in size every week, but seeing it now in his hands, it looked so small. 

“I love you,” Jake stated, “I always have and always will. Hurting you was the worst thing I had ever done in my life.” 

“I love you too, Jake,” You said back, “But I can’t forgive you, right now.” You gently pushed his hands off of you and took a step back. The tears that were in Jake’s eyes started to spill down his cheeks, “I have to focus on me, and the baby. I can’t have you coming back in my life trying to fix things.” 

“I understand, but please. . . please don’t take her away from me,” His voice broke and it came out barely above a whisper. 

It was as if his worst fear was coming to life. There was nothing in Jake’s life that he wanted more than to raise his daughter. He would do whatever you wanted, but he wasn’t going to let you walk away with her forever. 

“I’m not going to,” You said, “I wouldn’t do that to you. But I can’t live here in this house with you. My dad has a coworker who has a rental house in the same neighborhood as them. He’s agreed to let me rent it out. It’s got an extra room for you to stay in when the baby comes if that’s what you want to do.” 

“I do,” Jake nodded, “I’ll stay with you. And I’ll help you move and set things up.” 

You smiled at him, “Thank you, Jake.” 

“No problem,” Jake said, “I’m sorry for hurting you.” 

You bit your lip, “I’m sorry too.” 

Jake stood on the porch and watched as you walked back to your car, and drove away from him. Once you were out of sight, Jake sat back down on the porch swing. He clenched his jaw and sniffled looking around, trying to stop the sob from leaving his lips, but it was useless. He held his head in his hands and cried. 

— — — 

Spring was probably your favorite time in California. The weather was getting warmer, the sun staying up longer, and the end of the school year approaching soon. It was currently spring break, and you had just crossed over the 24th week mark in your pregnancy. It felt like it was going to be forever until July came, but the end was going to be approaching soon. 

A week ago Jake had come clean about lying to you about the affair and Bradley had admitted to loving you. It had been awkward trying to navigate through all the new information. You weren’t exactly sure what to do or where to go from there. You didn’t want to lose either one, but you knew that you weren’t in love with both of them.  

“Where do you want these?” Bob asked, carrying in a box from the back of the moving truck. 

“Plates?” You asked and he nodded, “Set them in here please.” The WSO nodded and set the box down next to you in the kitchen. You began unboxing them to put away. 

You had finally made the steps into moving into the rental house in your parents neighborhood. The house was a cute little bungalow with a back yard and was close to a park. It had two spare bedrooms for you to turn into a guest room and a nursery. Jake had told you to not worry about setting up the guest room, that he could buy the furniture for it, but you assured him that it was okay. Besides, you had seen his subpar decorating skills. 

“I think this is all- whoa, hey,” Jake said walking into the kitchen, “Off the step stool.” 

You rolled your eyes and stepped off the small ladder that you had put in the kitchen. You put the plate down and then turned to face him, crossing your arms over your chest. Things with Jake had been somewhat easier in the past week than you expected. He respected your boundary of just wanting to be friends. He was just happy that you were okay with him being in your and his daughter’s lives. Although there was still a lingering feeling in the air of something unresolved, that neither one of you was ready to dive in and unpack yet. 

“I can’t put a plate away?” You questioned. 

“Not when it involves using a step stool,” Jake walked over to you and grabbed the plate from the counter and put it away. 

“Well someone is so rudely in the way,” You pointed to your bump and Jake smiled. 

“Don’t blame her,” He put his hand on your bump. 

“No, I blame you for putting her in here,” You groaned, “Is the air on?” 

“Has been all day,” Jake walked over to the fridge and grabbed out a water bottle. It was a pretty warm day for it being mid-March, and you were already starting to feel uncomfortable by the temperature. It also didn’t help that the house was full of aviators helping you move. 

“Ugh, it’s fucking hot,” You complained, “Can you do me a favor?” 

“Hm?” Jake asked. 

“Rub my lower back please.” 

Jake nodded and walked over to you. You bent slightly at the waist, bracing your hands on the counter as Jake’s hands touched your back. You groaned as his fingers started digging into the flesh, feeling the knots that were in your muscles. The back pain was the worst that you had ever felt, and Doctor Miller said it was because you were carrying low. When you were teaching throughout the day you wore a brace to try and relieve some of the pain, and sat down as much as possible. But sitting for too long gives you leg cramps. 

“Fuck, right there,” You breathed out as Jake touched a tender spot, “Ah, yes, fuck.” 

“Careful, someone might think we’re filming a porno in here,” Jake joked and you shot him a glare over your shoulder, “Sorry.” 

“Your kid is already being a pain and she’s not even here yet.” 

“Well she is-” 

“Do these go to your- oh, sorry,” Bradley said walking into the room. You quickly stepped away from Jake, and looked at the box in his hands, “It’s not labeled but it’s pictures and stuff.” 

“Uh, library room,” You said and he nodded. You sighed and looked down at the floor. 

Things with Bradley hadn’t been as smooth as you wanted them to be. The two of you had hardly talked and it surprised you when he showed up to help you move. It was like walking around pins and needles. And apparently the tension didn't just end with you. Phoenix had told you that Bradley had been more jumpy and irritable at work. He even lashed out at Mav the other day for losing a dog fight. 

“He hates me,” Your voice cracked as you spoke. 

“He doesn’t hate you,” Jake said from behind you, “He’s just upset.” 

“Yeah, cause he hates me,” You turned around and faced him, “He told me he loved me and I just ran. I didn’t even say anything or call him or check in on him. I’m a horrible human being.” 

“Hey,” Jake said, and rubbed his hands down your arms, “You aren’t a horrible human being. You are going through a lot right now, and he shouldn’t have thrown it all at you like that. It wasn’t fair. And he doesn’t hate you. I don’t think he ever could.” 

“Why are you being nice about Bradley?” You asked. 

“Because he means a lot to you. He always has, and always will,” Jake said and you raised an eyebrow at him in confusion, “And your dad said if we can’t get along we have to scrub jets with our toothbrushes for the next two weeks.” 

You nodded and tapped your hand on Jake’s chest, before turning and waddling down to your bedroom. 

That night, you had ordered pizza and drinks to thank the aviators for helping you move. Everyone sat around the living room, telling stories and laughing. It made you smile, like old times again. You couldn’t remember the last time you had spent with the entirety of the dagger squad, and were so carefree. Jake kept his arm around the back of the couch, and every so often would gently brush his hand over your bump. You had noticed in the past week, he had become somewhat obsessed with it. He had a hard time keeping his hands to himself. 

“So, have you thought of names?” Fanboy asked, “Cause personally, I think Michelle is a perfect name.” 

“Yeah, right,” Payback rolled his eyes at his WSO. 

“It’s better than Ruebenia,” Fanboy shot back. 

“Actually we have,” Jake said and you looked at him confused, “It was a while ago though, before this one actually became a reality,” He rubbed his hand over your bump, “I like the name Ruth Marie and Y/N likes the name Caroline Grace.” You were surprised that Jake had even said the name out loud. Your eyes cut over to Bradley who stared up at you, his eyes unreadable. You had always loved the name for a little girl for as long as you can remember. 

“Ruth, huh,” Ice asked, “Ruth Marie Seresin?” 

“Kazansky,” Jake said, and squeezed your thigh, “It’ll be Kazansky.” Another thing you were surprised about and blinked at the floor. 

“Are you joking?” Bradley’s voice cut through the air, “What fucking changed, Seresin? Just a few weeks ago you were yelling and threatening to drag her to court over her wanting to have Kazansky as the last name.” You sucked in a breath and shifted in your seat. Ice’s eyes went from Bradley to Jake. 

“Things have changed,” Jake said, “We’ve come to terms that we are going to be co parenting and I want to-” 

“Oh cut the fucking shit,” Bradley stood up from his spot on the ground, “Your trying to kiss ass because you know she’d leave your ass in a fucking second and take her daughter with you.” 

Jake stood up from the couch, standing toe to toe with Bradley, “And you’re trying to act like this baby is yours when it’s not. Trying to play happy family with my girl and my baby.” 

“She’s always been my family, Bagman. You’re the one who’s the fucking intruder,” Bradley shoved Jake’s chest. 

“Enough!” You yelled standing up from the couch, and pushing your way inbetween the two of them, “You two are fucking ridiculous! Fighting over me like I’m the last damn video game on the shelf. Newsflash! I’m not!” 

“I’m trying to help you see that Jake is not a good-” 

“I don’t care if he’s not a good person,” You sighed, “I have no choice but to work with him. I’m not going to take a father away from his child. You, of all people, should know what that’s like.” 

You closed your eyes in regret as soon as the words left your mouth. Bradley looked at you with hurt in his eyes. You clenched your jaw and looked over at Jake. 

“I’m sorry,” You said and Bradley nodded, “I just can’t do the fighting anymore. It’s not good for me, or the baby, and it’s not good for you two or the rest of the team.” 

You didn’t wait to hear if Bradley or anyone would say anything. You turned on your heel and walked down to your new bedroom and shut the door. Jake’s eyes looked down the hall where you went and then looked back at Bradley. 

“I’m willing to be civil towards you, if you can do the same to me,” Jake said and Bradley shook his head. 

“I can’t,” Bradley said, “I can’t do this.” 

And with that, Bradley left the house.

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Pick Baby Seresin's Name!

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[garadinervi]

Furious Flower: A Revolution in African American Poetry, (ink on paper in portfolio), Edited by Joanne Veal Gabbin and Susan Facknitz, Cover design by Sang Yoon (James Madison University), Typography by Christopher Kuntze, Virginia Foundation for the Humanities and Public Policy and James Madison University, Harrisonburg, VA, 1994, Printed letterpress on Mohawk Superfine paper at Rutland, VT, Edition of 300 [Collection of the Smithsonian National Museum of African American History and Culture, Smithsonian Institution, Washington, D.C.]

Feat.: Samuel Allen, Alvin Aubert, Amiri Baraka, Gwendolyn Brooks, Nikki Giovanni, Michael S. Harper, Naomi Long Madgett, American, Haki R. Madhubuti, Sterling Plumpp, Sonia Sanchez, Elizabeth Alexander, Gerald William Barrax, Dr. Joanne Margaret Braxton, Toi Derricotte, Rita Dove, Mari Evans, Dolores Kendrick, Pinkie Gordon Lane, E. Ethelbert Miller, Raymond R. Patterson, Eugene B. Redmond, Sherley Anne Williams, Jerry Washington Ward Jr.

[cowgurrrl]

Thinking about Joel holding your hand the whole time and staying right by your side during and after the delivery, nervous to meet his son, but it all goes away as soon as Sammy finally arrives. Thinking about him holding his son in his arms for the first time and falling in love with him instantly, so emotional and proud, completely showering you and your baby boy with love🧸

Newborn dad Joel Miller, I could kiss you.

Brooklyn Baby

Pairing: rockstar!joel miller x actress!reader

Summary: You and Joel welcome your son [2.2k]

Warnings: pregnancy, labor and delivery (NOTHING GRAPHIC), pre-parental panic, Joel literally being the best, talks of Anna and Angela

You go into labor a month early. In New York City. Thousands of miles away from your OBGYN, who knows your birth plan backward and forward. You were there for press, and Joel went with you because there was no way he was going to let you travel alone across the country thirty-six weeks pregnant. You'd been having sporadic contractions for a few months, but the doctors told you it was Braxton-Hicks, and they were nothing to worry about. So, when you started having contractions in the middle of the day, you didn't think anything of it, except when they got less sporadic and even became predictable. Ten minutes apart for about two hours. You were at work most of the day, so Joel didn't see you having to take pauses or deep breaths in the middle of interviews, the pain knocking the wind out of you and distracting you. When you get back to the hotel, though, it's an entirely different story.

You're trying not to freak him out. If he freaks out, you'll freak out, and you're barely hanging on by a thread with the constant pain and the worry that you won't make it home. So, a little selfishly, you hide how you check the time when the pressure in your abdomen returns. You have time. You're fine. But Joel has eagle eyes and picks up on your pain the second he catches you wincing.

"What's wrong?" He asks, a gentle hand landing on your back as you sit there with your hands on your belly. You shake your head and take a deep breath.

"It's nothing."

"Is something hurting? Should we go to the hospital to get checked out? Did something happen at work?" He asks quickly. You swear you can hear the moment his brain makes the connection. "Are you having contractions?"

"No, I'm not due for another month. It's just Braxton-Hicks." You say as the contraction ends, letting you relax into your chair for a moment.

"How far apart are they?"

"I'm not timing them," you say, but he sees right through you. He knows you have three different contraction timer apps on your phone, and you've been religiously counting your contractions, even the false ones. "Right now? About ten minutes."

"Honey, I think we need to go to the hospital."

"No, it's fine. I'm not due for another month, and we're in New York. I can't be in labor right now. Our doctor isn't here, and we have nothing ready for him, so I can't be in labor."

"I don't know if he cares about any of that right now."

"Well, I do, and I'm his mother, so it's fine," Joel says your name sympathetically, but you shake your head, tears pricking in your eyes. "I'm fine. It's fine. I'm not in labor. They're Braxton-Hicks," Joel wordlessly grabs your hand and runs his thumb over your knuckles, and it's enough to make you break down. You squeeze his hand and wipe your tears on your shirt sleeve. "This isn't how I wanted it to happen."

"I know, and I'm sorry. If I could get you back to LA without you havin' our son on a plane, I would, but he's comin'," he kisses your hand. "He probably knows he's got the world's best mama waitin' on him and got impatient."

"Oh, is that your conclusion?" You ask, smiling through tears, and he hums.

"This isn't ideal. I know it's not, but you know your birth plan, and New York's got some of the best doctors in the world. You'll be safe and taken care of, and we're gonna have the cutest baby ever, and it's gonna be okay." He says, and you cry a little harder at how sweet he's being.

"We don't have any clothes for him."

"We'll go get some."

"The girls. They said they wanted to be here. We need to call them and-"

"And I will get them on the first flight out here, okay? Little guy's probably gonna take some time. I'll make sure they get here before he does." He says easily, and you sigh.

"Promise?" You ask, and he nods.

"Promise."

"Okay," you say quietly, sending Joel into a mad dash to get you out of the hotel. He gathers all your things as you sit and watch him, another contraction creeping up on you. In his few minutes, he calls Sarah and Ellie, Tommy, and an Uber. You get to the hospital in record time.

The second you're there, a nurse checks your dilation and confirms you're in labor. They agree to keep you because you don't have time to fly home, and they immediately hook you up to three different machines, tracking the baby's heartbeat, your heartbeat, and contractions simultaneously. Sarah and Ellie confirm they're on their way to the airport and should be getting into the city in a few hours. "Tell her to hold him in!" Ellie shouts over the phone, making you laugh.

As your labor progresses and the contractions get closer together, Joel holds your hand, rubs your back, and holds your hair back when the pain gets to be too much, and you throw up. He asks the nurses questions, ensuring you both understand what's going on and hums your favorite songs as you hold onto him, swaying beside your hospital bed. He's the perfect partner, and you chalk it up to his being here before.

"Tell me about the day Sarah was born." You mumble as he rubs your back, and he chuckles.

"It was the end of July, hot as hell, and Angela called me from her house to tell me she was havin' contractions. She didn't have a car, and I had my beat-up old truck that should've never had a baby in it, so I took her to the hospital. I was so fuckin' scared. I didn't know what was gonna happen or what to do, but I did my best to be there for her," his voice is a little nostalgic, and you smile as you imagine an early twenty-something version of Joel nervously pacing the delivery room. "But, then, she was there, and she was cryin', and I remember all my fear goin' out the window the second I saw her. She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, and I knew I'd do anything for her."

"From that first moment?" You ask, and he hums.

"From that first moment," he confirms. "Angela didn't wanna hold her at first, so I did. She was so small and fragile, and I swear, she reached for me, and that was it. I knew I was meant to be her dad." He says, sniffling at the memory, and you smile. You push down your disbelief at Angela, not wanting to hold her own newborn, as you look up at him and melt at the look in his eyes.

"Do you feel more prepared this time around?"

"Fuck no," he says, and you both laugh. "I'm still just as scared, but I have you, and the girls are on their way, and we have the most perfect little boy comin' soon. So, I know it'll be okay." You smile and fight the urge to ask what he knows about the day Ellie was born. You never found out exactly what killed Anna, but you're not sure if finding out while you're in labor is the best move. You let it go as another contraction takes over your body, and your grip on Joel's arms tighten.

It takes another hour to give in and get an epidural finally, the pain becoming too much as you progress, and you're able to get some sleep once the pain medication floods your system. When you wake up, Sarah and Ellie are whispering with their dad, your pre-packed hospital bag next to them, and you burst into tears. You wrap your arms around your daughters and thank them for making it and bringing stuff for the baby. At this point, you've been in labor for almost eighteen hours and are ready to be done, even with the epidural.

As you lay on your side, holding Joel's hand, as Sarah perches on the edge of your bed, rubbing your back, he smiles. "D'you remember the first time we came to New York?" He asks, and you nod.

"Of course I do," you smile.

"What did you guys do when you were here?" Sarah asks. You tell her about your walk through Central Park, showing Joel your old apartment and how you talked the entire time. You conveniently leave out the details of what happened the night before because you figure that's the last thing the girls want to know about their dad, but the memory still makes you blush.

"'S when I realized I was fallin' in love with you," Joel admits, and your eyes fill with tears again— stupid hormones.

"It is?"

"Of course. How could I not when you were tellin' me all the little facts and things you remembered?" He says, and you start crying again. It's a perfectly sweet moment, and in any other moment, you might not have cried as much as you did, but you can't help it.

However, there's less time for sweet moments once your water breaks. After that, the world devolves into chaos as the pain intensifies, and you can't stop the curses and groans from falling from your lips. Joel stays close, wiping your forehead with a cool rag and letting you squeeze the life out of his hand as contractions come and go. Ellie and Sarah consistently praise you as the hours go by and don't leave your side for anything. After another ten hours of labor, the doctor finally returns to help you push.

You're exhausted and hungry, and all you want is to be done. You want your son to be here. Joel lifts your water bottle to your lips to take a sip as the girls stand on the other side of you, Sarah with a hand on your arm as Ellie holds your hand. You push for thirty minutes, which is longer than you ever thought you'd have to push, and once the contraction ends, you lean back into the flat hospital pillow and cry.

"I can't do this. I'm so tired." You sob, shaking your head. Joel pushes your sweaty hair out of your face and kisses your temple.

"Yes, you can. You're doing so good. You're almost done."

"I'm so tired." You repeat like if you say it enough times, someone will snap their fingers, and you'll suddenly be holding your baby.

"I know you are. You're almost there. Just a few more big pushes, and he'll be here, okay? You're so fuckin' strong. I love you so much." Another contraction stops you from being able to respond to Joel. You give it the rest of your energy, two more pushes, and then the world goes silent. Either that or you deafened yourself trying to get him out. Then, without any warning, a shrill cry cuts through the air, and your son is placed on your chest for the first time. You rest your hand on his back and gently kiss his head.

"You're okay. We're okay. I'm right here, baby boy. It's okay," you tell him as you take a big breath. You look at Joel and see tears falling from his eyes as he stares at you. "It's okay." You say, reaching for Joel and pulling him to you. He kisses you before kissing your son's forehead and crying some more.

"You did so good. You're so strong. I love you." He says, a jumble of emotions playing out across his face— pride, excitement, joy, and only a little bit of fear about this tiny new person that just joined your family. Sarah and Ellie cry and kiss your head, too, as a nurse takes the baby to get weighed and cleaned up.

It's dark when all the doctors and nurses leave you with the little boy who gave you enough excitement for a lifetime. He's perfectly healthy despite being so small. His legs are long and skinny, and his fingers grasp anything within reach. He's strong. He has Joel and Sarah's nose, wide and straight and all identical. But, your eyes and lips match. He has a lot of hair, so much so that it sticks out of his little blue hat. You watch Joel hold him on his bare chest, a little hand grazing his tattoos every time he moves, and you smile.

"Does he have a name yet?" Ellie asks from her place next to you in your hospital bed, and you raise your eyebrows at Joel.

"You wanna tell 'em?" You ask.

"It's yours to tell, Mama." He says, and you smile as you turn to look at Sarah and Ellie.

"His name is Samuel James Miller, but I think we're gonna call him Sam."

"Sam," Sarah repeats, trying the name on her tongue, and she smiles. "It's perfect."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She nods, and you feel like your heart could burst. There, as you watch your daughters take in their brother for the first time, your family feels whole and perfect. It feels like nothing could ever top this moment. It doesn't feel like you're filling in any missing spot in your heart, but it does feel like it grew in size.

Besides, how could anything ever be missing when you've had all three of them for so long?

[romana-after-dark]

The Wrong Way: Alternate Ending

Dark!Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Tommy Miller x reader

Masterlist

Spotify playlist

Summery: You are sold to Joel to clear up some of your fathers' debts, and he takes you back to his house where him, Tommy, and high ranking members of his raiding trope stay. Joel is mean, cruel, and hash, but had small moments of softness that confuse you in your venerable state. Over time, you get to know him and Tommy, and see different sides of each, and both are hiding secrets. Was it possible to fall in love under these circumstances? Or was that just another way Joel was fucking with you?

Aka: my mom sold me to One Direction

WARNINGS FOR FULL FIC, NOT CHAPTER BY CHAPTER UNLESS SOMETHING NEW IS ADDED AFTER MASTER WARNING LIST: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT!!!! Fic contains graphic depictions of sexual assault, rape, molestation, dubcon/non con. Blow Jobs, PIV sex, lose of virginity, sex trafficking, past incest, death/people dying everywhere, Stockholm syndrome, falling for your rapist, victim blaming, torcher, branding, physical abuse, rape (not Joel), somno, dub con on tommy? idk he's not really into it but feels like he has to, self-harm/depression/suicidal thoughts (not a lot) but fair warning, major age gaps, love triangle, pregnancy/birth, threats of abortion, major character death, mentions of potential csa/child abuse but does not even come close to happening, forced pregnancy, forced housewife shit, breeding, breeding kink?!?!

Feels almost silly to warn at this point but bc we havn't seen it in a while, reminder of the SA warnings.

******************

“RUN!”

And you did. You didn’t know where to, but you ran for your life, for your babies. Hearing a gun go off again, you stop briefly wondering if you just heard either the man you loved or the father of your child die… but there was no time to mourn or think, you needed to go. 8 months pregnant, you do everything you can to keep running, but you are stopped by a blinding pain in your stomach, causing you to scream before you can even stop yourself.

When it fades, you open your eyes to see an infected.

There was no time for pain.

Contractions going again, you prayed for another round of braxton-hicks and not actual labor, you prayed Tommy was alive, you prayed the infected behind you couldn’t move fast due to one thing or another… but you couldn’t stop to look. The adrenalyn did most of the work, and did sheer willpower. You didn’t think you could power through running so fast and so long if it was just you, but the motherly instinct to protect this baby went above everything. Like a blessing, you see the cabin you had stayed at and took off towards it, infected at your heels, horrific noises that you shall surely hear the rest of your life should you survive this letting you know there was no time to even wince at a particularly sharp contraction. They were not spaced… and if Lorenzo was right, and if this wasn’t braxton-hicks…. You were going to give birth in this cabin.

The slam of the door behind you did not save you, as soon you found yourself sitting in an empty room with a chair propped against the door as the infected tried to get in, your switchblade gripped in your hands, as the baby tried to come out.

You can’t help but scream in pain; the infected already knew where you were, it was only a matter of time until it came in and you had to be face to face with it for the first time. You’d seen them from afar of course, but you had never been close; someone always protected you, Zach, Lorenzo, Tommy, Joel… you’re whole life you had depended on men to save you from other men and a litany of evils in this world and none of them had been able to stop this. No one stepped in between you and your dead, no one stepped in between you and Joel, and no one would step between you and this abomination… 

But you’d try your damndest to step between your baby and whatever might harm them, and if that meant facing this infected, you’d do it.

When it burst in, you don’t bother hiding our scream; they looked horrific and the sounds were just as bad, but god, the smell was nauseating to your pregnant senses. None of that compared to the genuine fear as you fought for your life and for this baby. The creature was right in your face as you stabbed him, the jackknife now successfully ending two threats to you; the infected and Nick.

As you look to the ground, you are equal parts horrified and relieved to find  the reason why the contractions stop.

On the floor was a baby boy.

Thinking quickly, you remember Maura’s instructions in case you gave birth and she couldn’t make it, using the knife to cut the umbilical cord and finally, fucking finally you hold your little baby, who from everything you saw was healthy, screaming his little lungs out.

“You fucking tell ‘em, Caleb.”

There, you sat and waited to see who was victorious of the brothers. If it was Tommy, you had to be prepared for the fact Joel was dead and be ready to mourn that. It was insanity, but you loved Joel, you really did and he was the father of your son. However, when Joel appeared, you knew things were much worse.

He rushed to your side, kicking the infected out of his way and quickly looked you over.

“I’m not bit” Your voice was flat, tired, pained… Joel won, which means Tommy was dead and you might be too. So might your baby when he sees it’s a boy, not his precious Sarah.

Glancing down, Joel realizes why your dress is all bundled up. “Is that…” He whispers, voice soft, floating in the air in the tone he always carried after violence. 

You pull down the dress. “Your son. Caleb, meet your daddy.”

Joel took the baby into his arms, wonder in his eyes but also obvious disappointment. “A boy…”

Carefully, carefully, you watch his expression as you hold your breath. Backed against the peeling plaster and hard wood flooring, you wondered if this is where you died, if this is where Joel realizes how much of a disappointment you are, realizes he’s been delusional this whole time and you can’t bring Sarah back and he can get pussy anywhere, and you and your baby you fought so hard to keep alive was useless…

“Please don’t hurt him.” You begin to cry as you beg. “Please, we can try again, or you can kill me just please, please don’t hurt him!” Desperate, you grab onto his shirt, pleading for Caleb’s life. “Take him to Jackson, you can do what you want with me I’ll be good I’ll be so, so good just please” Barely coherent, you choke out your last word in a sob, taking a moment to heave before collecting yourself. “Let him live.”

You looked pitiful, you knew. Maybe it was stupid to feel this way for a child you didn’t plan for, a child you didn’t initially want to keep, a child whose pregnancy you had begged Joel to help you end…  but you kept it, and a life grew inside you and you fell in love. For months, you tried everything to be good, to do things right, to be what Joel wanted to keep yourself alive and soon you found you were fighting not just for you, but for your baby, a baby whose life was in Joel’s hands right now.

“Oh little one… I’m not going to hurt him.” Joel assured you, and relief washed in your body. “We’re a family, mami, he’s my son, and you…” Joel kissed your lips, his hand possessively gripping your face, although you knew from experience that the pain he was causing you was not purposeful. “You are my wife, I love you, and you are mine, and no matter what you do, no matter where you try to run to, no matter how you hurt me, you are mine.”

“Yours” You repeat. It was stupid to think you could escape him, to think Tommy could help you, to think you were anything other than Joel’s possession, the thing he used to fulfill a fantasy. You exist for him, you were nothing of your own, and now that Lorenzo is gone too, your entire being was going to be Joel ‘Breeding bitch’ as he had put it. You were nothing.

He put Caleb back into your arms. “C’mon, let’s get you somewhere safe.” Before attempting to move you, he kissed you again, deeper this time, and as he slipped his tongue inside your mouth his body language relaxed and apparently gave up on the moving you idea for the time being. “God I’ve missed you” Joel groaned out, settling on his knees to your side and you realize he’s hard.

He’s insane. You finally realize. Absolutely insane.

“Can’t wait to get you home, little one, might have to take you right here.” Grunting, he grew painful hard against you as he began to feel you up, groping your breasts. “Fuuuck your milk came in, didn’t it? You look so goddamn good, even like this.”

You hold Caleb close to your chest; the side away from Joel’s hands. “J-Joel” You choke, trying to remind him you just gave birth. “Caleb”

“He’ll be fine for a few minutes.”

Admittedly careful, Joel takes him out of your arms as you cry and beg. “Joel no! Don’t take him! Joel please!”

But he wasn’t listening. Laying the newborn down on his jacket, Joel took your shoulders and pushed you down even as you cried and reached for your baby. You give up, shutting your eyes as you hear the jingle of Joel’s belt he was undoing with one hand; the other was holding you down.

Just get through it. 

Even as you lay in your own afterbirth, a dead infected and half an hour old baby in the room with you, Joel wanted you, and there was no use fighting it any more than there was the day he thought he was taking your virginity. Thought he was… You want Tommy, but you don’t dare call for him. There wasn’t even anyone to call for anymore.

“Gonna fill you right up again, little mama” Joel murmurs. “Gonna get started on making me a daughter.”

When the gunshot sounded, making you and Joel both scream and your baby cry, you thought Joel had left a gun in his pants. That is, until you feel Joel’s weight lifted off you and open your eyes to see Tommy, bloody and limping, pulling Joel up by his shirt and flinging him across the room. 

“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!” Tommy screams, a volume and anger you’d never heard from him before. There's a sound of a scuffle you can’t see through your tears, but it’s clear Tommy wins, disarming Joel.

An aching, horrible pain between your legs was distracting, but even that wasn’t as loud as the draw to your son. You try to crawl to him, hands on the wood attempting to drag your body, but Tommy pulled you away. 

“LET ME SEE HIM!” You cry out.

“Honey, just sit, I’m gonna bring him to you.”

Shaking, you don’t resist him as your precious Tommy coaxes you to sit against the wall before bringing Caleb to you, all the while a gun in his dominant hand so he could point it at Joel whose torso was bleeding.

A rough but gentle hand on your tear stained and red face. “Take him, I’m getting you both out of here.”

“Tommy” You cry tears of relief, there's hope, just a glimmer of it but hope.

Despite the two wounds he was sporting on his leg and his shoulder, Tommy pulled your body up and allowed you to rest most of your body weight on him.

“Hold onto Caleb.” He said. “Just worry about him, and I’ll worry about you.”

You trusted your Tommy.

As you turn to leave him, you hear Joel call your name and… even after it all, you can’t help turn around.

Tommy doesn’t want to at first. “Honey, no.” He’s till furious at Joel. He’s been angry at Joel for a year, but what he witnessed Joel trying to do right after giving birth had his angry manifesting in the physical; a shaking rage that you felt rattling against yourself. This was not his brother.

But Tommy was no Joel, Tommy did not make your choices for you. Tommy helped you turn around to face Joel holding his stomach, looking at you with those pleading eyes before surprising you and turning to Tommy.

“Don’t take her from me again.” His voice was soft, desperate, sad…

Tommy’s grip on you tightened, he refused to fall for bc this again, to be manipulated by Joel.“I’m not doing anything she doesn’t want, Joel.”

“That is my son, and she is my wife.”

“She is a child! Joel for god sake she just a kid.”

Joel scoffed. “You aren’t that much younger than me, Tommy. You were inside her just like I was, don’t act superior just because-”

You found your anger. “You RAPED ME!” You knew you startled your crying baby, but after a year you had finally found it in you to be angry. “You raped me, you tortured me, fuck Joel you tried to rape me 10 minutes ago when when JUST GAVE BIRTH! Your are insane! You are not fit to raise a child, you are not fit to have a daughter, you are not fit to have a wife! I tried, Joel I tried” You sob out the words. “I tried to be a good wife, I cooked and I cleaned and I sucked your dick and I didn’t put up a fight anymore, you killed Nick for me and I thought maybe, just maybe if I did everything right I’d be safe!” Suddenly the ache in your heart snaps, and you begin to cry, whispering. “I loved you Joel. I really did. I thought we could be happy together… but nothing I ever did was enough for you…”

Joel closed his eyes. “No, little one, no, that’s not true-”

“I d-don’t kno-n-n-ow w-hy I wasn’t en-ough.” You can barely speak, the hurt you felt mixed with the rage and the physical pain making it hard to get the words out clearly. “But I guess it makes sense.” Looking down, you see the crying child in your arms. “I didn’t give you what you wanted, I didn’t give you a daughter, I fucked it up and maybe… maybe you knew that all along… maybe that’s why you tried to kill us…”

“Honey, no, you didn’t fuck up.” Tommy tried to reassure you, but, as much as you loved him… this was between you and Joel.

He opened his eyes, large and wet and managing to look so young. “It’s gonna be okay, we can fix this we can get through this, you and I… we’re meant to be, little one. We’re tied together… we can fix this, I’ll do better, Ill be better, we can have another baby and try again-”

For Joel, you knew having a boy was ‘wrong’ but the idea of trying again, the idea that your son was a mistake to ‘do over’ was horrific to you. “My son is perfect” You insist. “And I am going to raise him to be a good man, away from you.”

The laugh Joel belts out is dark and sardonic. “Yeah, you and Tommy? You gonna tell him you abandoned his dad to be a whore for his uncle? Tommy don’t know shit about being a father, I’ve had to look after him his whole life, Tommy’s never stayed in one place very long, pretty son he’ll get bored and-”

“No.” You insist. “We’ll raise him together, Tommy won't leave me.” He promised you his fidelity, and you believed him.

“He can’t protect you! He couldn’t protect you against Nick, he folded like a lawn chair an hour ago and he can’t even kill me to keep you safe!”

Tommy also was shot when Joel and him fought while you ran, and dragged his way here, pulled him off you, fought Joel again, disarmed him, and now he stands there holding most of you and your son's weight with two holes in his body. Tommy, who had abandoned his life in Jackson for you, Tommy who had tried his best to stand up against Joel, Tommy who made your life bearable… The fact he couldn’t kill his own brother just endeared you more.

And suddenly, you realize you don’t have to defend your choices to the man who abused you. 

“Tommy, let’s go.” 

The younger Miller looks at his big brother. He was bleeding, but nowhere vital and with the man’s insane amount of willpower, Tommy was sure he’d live, but not before Tommy had gotten you far, far away. Joel would have no idea where in this country you were even going, and you’d all be safe.

“I’m sorry, Joel.” and Tommy was. He really was. “But if you come near near my family again, I will kill you”

You didn’t believe him for a second,

Joel was sightlent as you took one last look before turning around to leave him… both you and Tommy hear a quiet ‘goodbye’

Tommy helps you get on the horse and despite the agonizing pain you are both in, you keep riding and you don’t stop except quick breaks. Tommy is suffering as much as you are, although his wounds mostly stopped bleeding, you had to accept the on off bleeding on the ride, just hoping when it starts that it will stop again. Within the day you are in the outskirts of Rapid City, on a farm where, as you ride up, you see Zach, Maura, Jack, June and, to your relief, Lorenzo all gathering on the front porch. Not a moment too soon, not when Tommy was so clearly struggling to keep awake and his bleeding starting once again after getting on the horse after the last stop saw him slip and his torso fall against the horse.

Tommy calls out to them. “WE NEED HELP!” And quickly, you are both surrounded by your loved ones. Initially, everyone goes to help you. Maura takes the infant out of your arms, rushing him inside before anything else to check him and properly clothes him, the kind family you were all staying with giving some clothes to replace the blanket you had wrapped him in. Next, Zach reached for you, Tommy holding the reins to keep himself up and even still he helped you get down.

“Tommy’s hurt.” You mumble through your exhaustion, so relieved to be safe and sound in your big brother's arms. It was then you realize that June was there, Zach had saved her too, and she quickly was fussing over you the way she always did. As Tommy attempted to get down with Jack’s help, he fell to the ground and after screaming for him, going into hysterics after the trauma of this week, you begin to bleed again, soon joining him in slipping into unconsciousness. 

You woke up in bed with June asleep next to you, Lorenzo and Zach sleeping on a mattress on the floor, Lorenzo cuddled up on Zach’s chest. 

“Caleb” You mumble, waking your family. “Tommy?”

“Both safe” June assures. “Caleb’s over there” she points to a make shift crib in the room your group was allotted. 

“Tommy?”

“Right here, honey” Tommy lay on the bed with Jack and Maura sleeping on the floor next to you.

You roll over, delighted to see Tommy on another bed in the room. “You’re okay?” 

“Yeah” He smiled, tired. “So are you,although you never seem to worry about yourself the way you worry about others.”

You look down, tearing up at the loved ones surrounding you. “Renzo? How id you get here? You’re supposed to be in Jackson.”

Lorenzo smiled his signature grin. “Yeah, Jackson was cramping my style. Wouldn’t let me smoke” He tsked, and you giggle, Zach sitting up to be at your side, June wrapping her arms around you. 

“I missed you guys so much” You begin to cry.

“Shhh, it’s okay” Zach wipes your tears. “Everythings gonna be okay now, I won’t let nothing happen to you again.” 

“None of us will” Lorenzo adds.

You hold June close, having not seen her for a whole year. “I have so much to tell you”

She hugs you back. “We have all the time in the world now.” June gave you a forehead kiss. “What’s his name?” Your friend nodded the the cradle.

“Caleb Thomas” You watch Zach’s face split into a smile at the realization you gave your son his middle name. “Named after his uncle.” You turn to Tommy, only to find him smiling softly at you, nothing but adoration in his eyes. “And his daddy.”

Everything was going to be okay.

************************

I hope this satiated you tommy lovers out there, and made up for that HORRIFIC ending i gave forrealsies XD

Happy to announce that in the canon time line, I am continuing the story 16 years later with Ghost of You, Ellie's story of discovering the truth of her origens. Check it out and if you are interested, comment to join the tag list! only 5 chapters and the first chapter is already out, so its not super long, i just felt like this story should be told, and it wraps up many questions and storylines people have had.

please consider chekcing it out if you love this stoy!

tagging the usually tags and a few people who read chapters 1-10 that i thought might enjoy (esp k-ra lol i think youll be happy with this)

@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @howaboutcastiel @tidlewav3 @bunnnyy-dummy @slutfortimotheechalamet @foggymoonbanana@dinsbaby @miraclesabound @jenna-ortega @primosworld @marclovers @threeheadedlamb @secretwriterpp @the-fox-den

@bitchyglitterfox @0bsessedwithfictionalcharacters @alloftheboysivelovedbefore @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @lunar-ghoulie @pedritosdarling @dreamonseems @alwaysdjarin @amoramorquetepintas @milla-frenchy @koshkaj-blog @k-ra @fan-fiction-floozy

[grandvhs]

lista de nomes masculinos que estava no meu bloco de notas e eu só lembrei agora

starting with A ;;

aaron.

adair.

adam.

aiden.

ajax.

alec.

alfie.

allistar.

anderson.

andrew.

andy.

angus.

antonio.

anthony.

archer.

archibald.

archie.

aries.

arlo.

arthur.

ashley.

ashton.

austen.

avery.

axel.

starting with B ;;

bailey.

beau.

beckham.

beckett.

bellamy.

benjamin.

bennett.

bentley.

blade.

blake.

blaine.

blaise.

blue.

bobbie.

bodhi.

brad.

brandon.

braxton.

brayden.

brent.

brett.

brock.

brody.

brooke.

bryson.

starting with C ;;

caleb.

callum.

calvin.

cameron.

carlisle.

carlos.

carson.

carter.

casey.

chad.

chandler.

charlie.

chase.

chaz.

christian.

christopher.

cody.

colby.

cole.

cooper.

colton.

connor.

conrad.

corbin.

corey.

starting with D ;;

dakota.

dallas.

damien.

damon.

dante.

darian.

darron.

darryl.

david.

dawson.

declan.

demetri.

dennison.

denver.

derek.

diego.

diesel.

dimitri.

dixon.

dominic.

donovan.

drake.

drew.

dustin.

dwayne.

starting with E ;;

eason.

eaton.

eddy.

edmund.

edward.

elijah.

elior.

ellias.

elliot.

ellis.

elyas.

ember.

emerson.

emery.

emilio.

emmett.

enzo.

eric.

ernie.

ethan.

ethaniel.

evan.

everett.

everson.

ezar.

starting with F ;;

fabio.

fallon.

farah.

felix.

fernando.

ferris.

felton.

finn.

finnegan.

finnick.

fitz.

fitzgerald.

fletcher.

floyd.

flynn.

foley.

forest.

francisco.

franco.

frankie.

franklin.

fraser.

frasier.

freddie.

fredrik.

starting with G ;;

gabe.

gabriel.

gale.

gallagher.

garcia.

gareth.

garrett.

gary.

gavin.

gene.

george.

gerard.

gilbert.

giovanni.

glenn.

gordon.

grady.

graeme.

grant.

greggory.

gregor.

greyson.

griffin.

gus.

guy.

starting with H ;;

hadley.

hale.

haley.

hamilton.

hamish.

hansel.

harley.

harris.

harrison.

harry.

harvey.

haven.

hayes.

heath.

hector.

hendrix.

henrik.

henry.

holton.

howard.

hudson.

hugh.

hugo.

hunter.

hyde.

starting with I ;;

ian.

ibrahim.

icarius.

idris.

igor.

iman.

immanuel.

imran.

indi.

indiana.

indigo.

indra.

inrique.

irwin.

isaak.

isaiah.

isaias.

ishmael.

isobell.

israel.

ivan.

ivey.

ivor.

ivory.

izzy.

starting with J ;;

jack.

jacob.

jagger.

jai.

james.

jamie.

jason.

jaspar.

jaxon.

jaydon.

jed.

jeremy.

jesse.

jett.

joel.

jameson.

jonathon.

jordan.

jose.

joseph.

joshua.

jude.

julian.

junior.

justin.

starting with K ;;

kade.

kai.

kalen.

kameron.

kane.

kasey.

kayden.

keaton.

keegan.

keenan.

kellan.

kendall.

kendrick.

kevin.

khalil.

kian.

kiefer.

kieran.

kingsley.

kingston.

klaus.

kohen.

konrad.

kristoff.

kyle.

starting with L ;;

lachlan.

lamar.

lambert.

lance.

landon.

langston.

lawrence.

lawson.

leeroy.

lennon.

leo.

leonardo.

levi.

lewis.

liam.

lincoln.

lionel.

logan.

lorenzo.

louis.

luca.

lucas.

lucky.

lucis.

luke.

starting with M ;;

mackenzie.

madden.

maddox.

malaki.

malcolm.

manuel.

marco.

marcus.

marley.

marshall.

martin.

mason.

matteo.

matthew.

max.

micah.

michael.

miguel.

mike.

miles.

miller.

milo.

mitchell.

morgan.

moses

starting with N ;;

nadir.

naiser.

nasir.

nate.

nathan.

nathaniel.

naveen.

naydon.

ned.

nico.

neil.

nelson.

nero.

nicholai.

nicholas.

nila.

niles.

nixon.

noah.

noel.

nolan.

norman.

north.

nylan.

nyle.

starting with O ;;

oakley.

ocean.

octavius.

odell.

olaf.

oliver.

ollie.

omar.

omari.

orion.

orlando.

osborn.

oscar.

o’shea.

osten.

oswald.

otis.

otto.

owen.

oxley.

starting with P ;;

pablo.

page.

palmer.

parker.

parrish.

patrick.

paul.

paulo.

pax.

paxton.

payton.

penn.

percy.

perry.

peter.

phineas.

phoenix.

pierce.

pierre.

prescott.

presley.

preston.

prince.

princeton.

puck.

starting with Q ;;

qadim.

qadir.

quain.

quenby.

quill.

quimby.

quincy.

quinn.

quinten.

starting with R ;;

randy.

raymond.

reese.

reid.

remy.

reuben.

rhett.

rhys.

richard.

richie.

ricky.

riley.

robert.

robin.

roger.

roman.

romeo.

ronan.

ronnie.

ross.

rowen.

ryan.

ryder.

ryker.

rylan.

starting with S ;;

sage.

sailor.

salem.

samson.

samuel.

sascha.

sawyer.

saxon.

scott.

sean.

sebastian.

seth.

shane.

shiloh.

simon.

sinclair.

skyler.

sonny.

spencer.

stanley.

stefan.

steven.

stevie.

storm.

sullivan.

starting with T ;;

tamir.

tanner.

tate/tait.

tatum.

taylor.

teddy.

theo.

thomas.

timothy.

tobias.

toby.

todd.

tommy.

tory.

trace.

travis.

trent.

trevor.

trey.

tristan.

troye.

tucker.

tyler.

tyrone.

tyson.

starting with U ;;

umair.

umar.

urien.

usama.

starting with V ;;

valentine.

valentino.

vance.

vaughn.

victor.

vincent.

vinn.

vinnie.

vladimir.

starting with W ;;

wade.

walden.

wallace.

walter.

warner.

warren.

warrick.

waylan.

wayne.

wendall.

wes.

wesley.

west.

whitley.

wilbert.

william.

willis.

wilmer.

windsor.

winslow.

winston.

wolf.

wren.

wyatt.

wynter.

starting with X ;;

xachary.

xan.

xander.

xavier.

xeno.

ximen.

xylon.

starting with Y ;;

yahto.

yakub.

yasin.

yasi.

york.

ysrael.

yuri.

yusef.

starting with Z ;;

zachary.

zahir.

zander.

zane.

zavier.

zed.

zeke.

zion.

zolten.

[starkissedscars]

Coming to a blog near you

Stella Blue Sullivan / fc : Daisy Edgar Jones / fandom : a mix of 911 , One Chicago , Grey's Anatomy

Joshua Nash / fc : Corey Fogelmanis / fandom : 911, nephew of Bobby Nash, son of Charlie Nash.

November Rain Hollis / fc : Elizabeth Lail / mixed bag ; an au take on my Snow/Winter Queen in a pure modern universe.

Wyatt Abernathy / fc: Scott Eastwood / Outer Banks , a poor kid who got out and made a name for himself as a rodeo star, coming back when the town makes it on the map from the adventures of the pogues.

Braxton Miller / fc :Peyton Meyer / TSITP , brother to Lee Miller, a bit of a problem child who has been away for awhile.

[fanfictionismyhobby]

Sarah’s mom…

Synopsis: over a decade before the outbreak Joel loses his whole world for the first time and has to come to grips with the aftermath.

Fic has not yet been proofread!

Warnings: mentions of depression, childbirth, loss of mother,

Partners: Joel Miller/OC,

It was a cold January morning, the 6th of 2001 to be specific. Even with the cold Joel and Lena stayed warm snuggled in bed together . She was 40 weeks pregnant with their little girl. Joel had never knew such happiness, he and tommy had lost their parents young in a car accident. He didn’t know the first thing about how to handle fatherhood but he was gonna give it his all.

Lena POV:

Just as my eyes opened I could feel his hand resting on my stomach, I placed my hand on top of his and whispered, “babe my water broke wake up” and he shot up so fast and was immediately in a panic. “I am joking” he looked at me and said “oh mama why did you do that to me” I couldn’t stop laughing. “Maybe you could make us some breakfast” “anything for my girls” he leaned down kissed my belly and hopped up out of bed.

After breakfast I started to feel Braxton Hicks or at least what I thought was Braxton Hicks until the bleeding started. I was carrying the basket of baby clothes I just washed and folded for her, up to her room when I felt this dampness pooling in my underwear. I was just about to call for Joel when he walked by the stairs and must have glanced up and said “babe your bleeding” “maybe we should go to the hospital” “definitely, I will grab your bag, are you okay to walk to the truck?” I nodded. I sat the basket down right at the top of the stairs and continued back down them. He ran up them and was back in time to meet me at the bottom of the stairs. He helped me out to the truck and we headed to the hospital.

Joel Pov:

We parked and headed into the emergency room, the nurse gave us a few papers to fill out and had her sit in a wheelchair. When I returned the papers to the desk I said to the nurse “she’s bleeding pretty heavy, and is in pain, can you please get her seen” the nurse said “it’s a slow night I will see if we can get a bed for her and have her sent up as soon as possible” I thanked her and went back to Lena’s side.

They called “Lena Miller” and I wheeled her over once we got into the room, the nurse said “we are gonna have you changed into this gown and do a pelvic exam, but first I am gonna run some blood work and do an ultrasound, I will give you a minute to get changed” and with that she walked out the room and closed the door.

I helped her change and she laid down on the bed, the nurse knocked and came in. She started by drawing blood, hooking her up to the machine that monitors the heart rates. She told us the doctor would be in within a few minutes and walked out again.

She returned with the doctor who introduced himself “hello I am Dr. Lawton, but please call me John. I am gonna start out with a pelvic exam if that’s okay with you” “yeah” Lena said. The doctor proceeded and had her put her feet in the stirups and then proceeded. He was making a concerned face and I asked “is everything alright?” He spoke up and said “I don’t believe so, I think you may have placental previa, typically this is detected a lot earlier and we recommend a c-section at 36 weeks but now you are 40 weeks and already in labour, we are gonna schedule you in for a cesarean as soon as possible and move you to the delivery floor.” “Wait is the baby gonna be okay?” Lena asked “it’s honestly going to be risky for both of you, if it comes down to it we always prioritize the safety of the mother” “no.” She said it wasn’t an answer more of a statement but I tried to interject “babe we can have another baby, but theirs only one of you” “no and if that’s how you feel, then you don’t truly love her or me” “babe I just want you to be safe, I can’t lose either of you but losing you and raising her on my own, I couldn’t handle” “listen you save my baby” she looked at the doctor and said.

They told me I wasn’t allowed in the delivery room due to the severity of her case so I had to send her off. I leaned beside the bed and said “I love you and our girl more than anything, and when we get home I will have breakfast ready every morning. Listen it’s gonna be alright, I love you” “I love you too” she said. I called Tommy shortly after they wheeled her to the OR And waited.

Tommy pov:

We had been waiting for over an hour when the doctor walked out with a sad look on his face and his scrub cap in his hand. I knew it wasn’t gonna be good. He spoke and Joel’s eyes shot up. “Mr. Miller you have a beautiful baby girl, things were a little touch and go but she is recovering well in the nicu as we speak” “and Lena?” he asked. “Mrs.Miller had lost over 1/3 of her bodies blood by the time we got her into the or, we had her stabilized but after we put her under anaesthesia her blood pressure dropped and never came back up, we got your daughter out and tried everything to save your wife however she was unresponsive. She passed away on the table. I am so very sorry for your loss” “where is she?” Joel asked practically bagging the doctor said “she has been taken to the morgue, I would recommend you don’t see her until the funeral home has possession of her. I know this is very hard on you but theirs a little girl up the hall that needs you sir.” “Fuck you” Joel spat at him “again I am sorry for your loss” and with that he walked away. Joel slid down the wall and was on the floor sobbing at this point I sat down with him after a while I looked at him and said “let’s go see her” Joel nodded.

Tommy walked up to the nurses desk gave some information and was given the room number, he gathered Joel up and they headed down the hallway.

Joel pov:

I opened the door and I wasn’t sure what to expect but as I approached the bassinet all I could see was Lena, her cheeks, her eyes her nose, this was Lena. The feeling of knowing she would never see this beautiful girl is enough to almost make me sick, the nurse came into the room and spoke “hello, you must be Daddy, does she have a name?” “Yes” I spoke as I remembered going through all those name books with Lena. “Sarah, her names Sarah” “that’s a lovely name man” Tommy said. “Lena picked it, Sarah Lena Miller” I said. “We will put that on her forms, I am sorry for your loss” and with that the nurse left.

We would be okay. Just my Babygirl, and I.

[lozriftsintime]

Name: Link Malon Meadowkeep Braxton/Twilight Dusk Meadowkeep Braxton

Alias(es): Twilight, Link Miller, Link Walker

Nickname(s): Pup, Divine Beast, Wolfie, Twi, Little Prince, Rancher

Birthday: (I am currently working on a calendar system for this AU, so this will come later.)

Age When Introduced: 26

Pronouns: He/she (usually he)

Height: 6'9

Source/Game(s): Twilight Princess and Breath of the Wild

Sexuality: Asexual and Demiromantic

Favorite/Disliked Color(s): Twilight struggles to narrow down a color that he’s particularly fond of. Or one he doesn’t like.. He likes the Red of the Gerudo folks, but he’s also dealt with Ganondorf. He likes the blue of Wild’s sheika slate and associated towers. The blue of one of Wild’s favorite outfits.  But it was painful to see that color while they were separated and that pain lingers sometimes. Grey reminds him of Twilight magic, but that’s both a fond and a painful memory. Off-white and tan felt like home for a long time. He associated them with Ordon village, but these days those colors hurt more than grey.

Skills: Twilight is pretty good with a sword, though his technique would leave most people scratching their heads. It's a mix of Gerudo fighting, knight training, training from Shade, and tips from Rusl. Plus things he's figured out from using his magic and the instincts he's gained from his time as Wolfie.

On top of a hard-to-follow technique, Twilight is ambidextrous. He uses his left hand most often, in part because he knows it throws people off to have to fight someone who is left-handed. But he can fight just as well with his right hand. (He actually fights better with his right arm when the weather is bad and the scar on his left arm throbs). Plus when he hits, he hits hard. Without the use of strength-enhancing objects Twilight is easily one of the physically strongest in the chain, if not the strongest.

Twilight is also one of the better archers in the chain, coming after Fox in skill. Twilight is slightly better at long distance shots while Fox is better at accuracy and speed of shots.

Outside of his physical prowess, Twilight has taken a lot of time to master his magic over the last couple of years. He can use twilight magic to teleport, heal, enhance his weapon attacks, attack directly, and shield. He's also figured out how to create functional wings with it (he started out trying to make a glider of sorts with it and it evolved from there). Unfortunately, much of what he learned combat-wise isn't the most helpful for when he's fighting alongside allies.

Outfit/Design Notes: Twilight's hair can be shown as either dirty blond/light brown or Gerudo red, depending on if he's hiding it or not. His hair is naturally red, but his mother made sure to teach him to hide it from a very young age. This is because having red hair in his Hyrule is a death sentence thanks to the after-effects of the Hyrule-Gerudo war. Because of this he very rarely lets his natural hair color show. Unlike his hair, Twilight has never needed to hide his eyes. The bright blue he bears is far from what people would ever think of when they picture Gerudo. Interestingly enough, his eyes are the same color as the blue lights of the Divine Beasts.

When Twilight first shows up in the AU he wields the Ordon Sword, but he ends up swapping it out for the Gaurof Sword (from the Twilight Princess Manga) shortly after he and his group first arrive in his time.

As for clothes, Twilight left behind both his hero's tunic and his Ordon outfit years ago. Instead, he prefers to wear the outfits and accessories he got while traveling with Fox in their time. Often times paired with a hood made of wolf's fur that he made some time back. Two of his favorite outfits are the Hylian Armor and the Snowquill armor.

Over the years since he finished his adventure Twilight has spent a good amount of time as a wolf and it has left some physical marks on him. His teeth are considerably sharper than a Hylian's should be and his sense of hearing and smell are far more advanced. On top of that, he has dark grey marks across his body that line up with most of the lighter grey markings that are on his wolf form's fur.

Twilight has a number of scars scattered across his body. Two of the most prominent are a pair of large scars going horizontally across the center of his abdomen and back, just below his ribs. The scars are about a foot wide, though the one on his back is slightly shorter. He does have a number of others, some are small pucker marks from arrows, and others appear to have been cuts from daggers or swords. Some of the most alarming are a set of what look like scars from whip marks across his back. Twilight tends to wear clothes that cover up at least the whip scars and the deep paired scars. Not because he's ashamed, but because people tend to freak out when they see them.

Other: Twilight usually feels like a man, but there are times when he shifts to a woman instead. This almost always happens while he is in a desert. Thanks to some of his childhood experiences he isn't certain if his gender shifts are natural or thanks to conditioning, but he has no way to know, so tries not to think about it. It's just a part of who he is.

Twilight doesn't know any terms for how he feels about sex or romance, but he knows that sex does not appeal to him at all. And he's only ever fallen in love with two people and those people were close friends before he felt those sorts of feelings for them.

In all honesty, Twilight has had a rough life. Raised on the fear that if anyone found out what he was they would either kill him or steal him away from his family to use him for their own goals he hadn't ever really felt safe to be himself until coming to Fox's time. On top of that, him learning twilight magic from Midna ended up causing him a great deal of grief. First, it led to him being banished from Ordon Villiage and later it led to him being banished from Hyrule as a whole. Despite this, he wouldn't give it up. His magic saved his life many times, and it allowed him to better help Fox out during their first adventure. All the way up until he was yanked back to his original time.

Twilight then spent the next several years attempting to make his way back to his home with Fox and Ren (Fox's Zelda). This eventually led to him being locked up in the dungeon of Hyrule castle, which is where the rift opened up for him to start on this newest adventure.

Note-I just noticed that I drew Twilight's baldric (sword belt) facing the wrong way. A side effect of copying off of botw armor I fear. It should be on his left shoulder, which also means that the leather part across his chest should probably face the other way as well...

[kkcauseway]

Life

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader Summary: Just a little fic, no outbreak, Sarah doesn’t die, nor does she have a deadbeat, stupid ass mom. Cus that girl deserves so much more. Plus you get to live out the fantasy of having babies with Joel what's more to like <3 Not much smut, but it’s just a cute ass story. With a happy ending. Characters: Joel Miller, Sarah Miller, Ellie Williams, Tommy Miller, Maria Miller & You Content & warnings: Depictions of childbirth, family fluff, protective!Joel, Joel being the best Dad, no use of Y/N, no outbreak.

Read from Joel's POV I Series Masterlist I Main Masterlist

You wake with a gasp, clasping at your lower stomach, breathing heavily. You’ve been having pains on and off the past few hours before bed, but you and Joel, both put it off as Braxton-hicks, as they were really irregular. But when you try to sit up and you feel the pain travelling from front to back, it's different, you know what it means. You’ve actually been labouring all evening. It’s the middle of the night, the house dark and silent, Joel’s splayed out next to you on his stomach, his arm over your legs, but you know it’s time. Three days from your due date, there's no denying it. You know the signs and having already had Sarah, you can tell your body is ready.

The pain doesn’t last long, but it’s definitely worse than any of the others you’ve been having over the course of the day. It’s time.

Carefully you remove Joel’s arm from your legs. He stirs slightly, but not enough to wake. You bring your legs over the side of the bed, giving yourself a second, before quietly getting up. A bath is the best thing right now, a way to relax you in the beginning of labour, and there’s no need to wake Joel any earlier than necessary. He’s a worrier, and you don’t want to put him through that.

You quietly walk into the bathroom and begin running the bath. Leaning against the sink as you wait for it to fill. But before you can say or do anything, another contraction takes over you. You begin to sway your hips in an effort to help you through the pain and take deep breaths. Trying your best to remain quiet, breathing softly through it. Once it’s over you finish preparing the bath, adding in some lavender bath salts to calm you. You step in, the lifting of your leg causing a twinge in your back that makes you wince. You then settle yourself down slowly, letting out a soft moan as your stomach hits the water. It’s the best you’ve felt in a while.

About an hour passes, you’ve managed to get through the few contractions you’ve had quite well, the water really helping. You sit and think. Appreciate the life you have, the people you’re surrounded by you take a moment to think back to little ten-year-old you, who dreamt of this every day and didn’t think it was possible. We made it! And we are so happy! It brings tears to your eyes. You feel so complete, so full of love for your family, you could burst. A family of three will soon become four, that thought lingers as you breathe silently through a pain, it makes it all worth it.

You wish you could stay in that moment forever, but your fingers now look more like prunes than fingers and the water has begun going cold. Looking across the room, you can see Joel has left a fluffy towel there for you. Remembering you had told him before you went to sleep, that you were going to have a bath in the morning if you still felt the same. God that man is amazing! He really does think of everything!

As you begin to lift yourself up to get out, another contraction comes over you, much stronger than the ones you’d had previously, and it really hurts. Crippling almost. Realising you’re going to need Joel’s help you have no choice but to call for him.

“Oh Shit. Joel!” you shout.

“Joeeel!” you shout again sounding much more defeated this time, but still in agony.

“I’m coming baby!” he shouts half asleep.

The bathroom door swins open, and a naked Joel finds you on your knees in the water, gripping the side of the bath, gritting your teeth as you scream your way through the contraction.

“It’s okay shhhh, Baby breathe” Joel strokes your lower back, you can hear the worry in his voice.

When you manage to catch your breath back “Fuck Joel, that one hurt”. You say lowering yourself back onto your heels in the tub. Joel moves with you coming to squat besides the bath as he faces you.

“It’s okay, you’re doing amazin’ baby” he kisses your forehead, “is it time?”.  He says rubbing your arms as he looks into your eyes.

“I- Yeah, I’m pretty sure it is”. You whine as a tear runs down your cheek.

“Oh baby, why didn’t you wake me earlier?” he wipes the tears from your eyes before holding his hands on your cheeks.

“I’ve been okay, I didn’t wana worry you any earlier than I needed to. And this is exactly what I was afraid of, and it happened anyway. I’m sorry.”

“Baby, you should’ve woke me earlier and don’t you dare say sorry, you aint got nothin’ t’be sorry for.”

“Honestly Joel, I promise you I’ve been okay. Was no point us both been awake when there was nothing we could do, but I’m gonna need your help now with getting out please. I swear you make big babies Miller and right now, they’re pushing right down.” You half laugh.

“I got you Darlin’, c’mon” Joel stands before helping you out of the bath, grabbing the towel to wrap you up in and bringing you into his arms. Holding you tight. You stay like that in a comfortable silence for a moment. Snuggling into Joel’s chest.

“Y’know I knew second babies were faster, but this seems super-fast.” It’s muffled as you say it into his chest. He hums in response. You look up at him then “Can we go back into the bedroom? I wanna go sit on the bed; my back’s killing”.

He kisses the top of your head then “Course baby, c’mon let’s get you comfy.”

Joel walks you into the bedroom and helps you sit on the bed. He helps you to dry off and put on an oversized lounge set, he then gets up, grabs some fluffy socks out of the drawer and puts them on your feet; knowing how cold your toes get. Finally decent, you move to sit against the headboard, propped up against the pillows, resting your hand on your stomach whilst you stare at Joel. “Thank you for always being so good to me Cowboy”. You smile.

He looks at you so full of admiration and love you think he might burst, and he takes your free hand in between his; “Baby I love you so much, and the fact that I have this amazin’ life and I share it with you, and you’ve given me Sarah, now this baby too, I am so so grateful to you, I’ll do anythin’ and everythin’ for you, always.” He kisses your hand, and when he’s sure you’re comfortable (well as comfortable as you can be all things considered) he goes and grabs some clothes for himself. You struggle through another pain whilst he’s preoccupied this one bearable alone. You think just knowing Joel is near helps. His presence alone enough to calm you through the pain. The pains are getting stronger and closer together, which you know means you’re progressing as you should be, but it’s definitely progressing faster than it did with Sarah.

When Joel is dressed, you can tell he’s petrified, even if he’s trying to act like he isn’t. You know it’s hard for him especially considering he strives through life making sure you’re happy and healthy, you know this is the only situation ever, that he’s felt helpless in, and it scares him that he’s going to witness it again. He’s pacing back and forth, and so, settles on checking all the bags are packed ready to go by the door, then he finally calls Tommy.

‘Tommy, hey bud sorry it’s late, we need you to come over’-

-‘yeah, it’s time’-

He laughs

-‘Okay perfect I’ll let her know, see you soon, thanks Tommy.’

He puts his phone back in his pocket before making his way back over to you on the bed, sitting at you side. “He says they’ll be twenty minutes max, should’ve heard the squeal Maria let out.”

“Anyone would think it’s her baby! But amazing thank you” you take a deep breath, before hitting your knees with your palms “right shall we go wake up our girl, let her know her sibling wants to say hello?” You giggle at the thought; wow Sarah is going to be a big sister.

“You know what; I still can’t get over that we are doin’ this again” he smiles, then walks up to you and bends down to kiss your forehead “I love you baby”.

“I love you so much” you say before kissing his lips and then go to get up, Joel is there to help you. He really is the best husband you could ask for.

You walk or rather waddle across the hall to Sarah’s door, with your husband at your side. A hand rests softly on your lower back. He only leaves you then, in order to knock, before slowly pushing it open. Sarah is fast asleep, her nightlight highlighting her gorgeous features. She really is the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen, and no you aren’t just biased in that opinion because she’s your daughter. It’s 100% true. She begins to rouse as Joel steps a foot into the room. “Daddy?” she mumbles sleepily. Just as you go to enter, another contraction washes over you, so you hang back against the outside wall, riding it out, nodding for Joel to continue in. You bite your arm to remain silent. You don’t want to scare Sarah.

“Hey Baby girl!” it’s an excited whisper.

Sarah looks to the window and notices it’s still dark. Rubbing her eyes, she looks back to her dad. “Daddy, it’s not morning.”

“No Baby, I know, listen, me and Mama have somethin’ t’tell you.” He replies as he takes a seat on her bed.

She yawns as she sits up straighter in her bed, intrigued.

“Where is Mama, was she shouting?” the concern evident in her voice.

He strokes her head “She will be in, in a minute Baby. Now listen your new little brother or sister wants to say hello, so we need to go to the hospital, Uncle Tommy and Aunt Maria are on the way to come and stay with you, while me and Mama are gone okay.”

“The baby’s coming?”

“Yeah baby girl, the baby’s comin’”

“Yay, okay!” it’s an excited squeal, one that reiterates the adoration and love she has for her unborn sibling already.

With the pain gone and the sweat mopped up, so you look somewhere close to ‘half decent’, you walk into Sarah’s room.

“Mama!” she bounces in her place on the bed.

“Hi my pretty girl!”

“You okay?” Joel quickly interrupts as he turns to look at you.

“Fine, honestly” you smile.

He nods in response.

“Can you come and sit with me Mama?” Sarah taps the place on her bed next to her as she shuffles over slightly.

“Of course, baby”

You slowly sink yourself down onto the spot free next to her on the bed, with a groan. Joel moves to be sat near to her feet, so you have space to stretch out. You place an arm around Sarah and the other on your stomach.

“So, the baby is coming tonight, Mama?” she asks as she cuddles into you.

You rub her arm as “Maybe tonight, or maybe tomorrow.”

You sit in silence for a moment then. Cuddling Sarah soaking up her love; the last few moments of it being only the three of you.

Then Joel adds in as he taps her foot “Hey Sarah, last time to put your bet in, what’s it gonna be a boy or a girl?”

“It’s a sister I know it, she told me” certainty on her tongue.

“Oh yeah, and when did ‘she’ apparently tell you this?” you reply with a giggle.

“When me and her were talking one day, you know we like to talk” she says it like she can’t believe you’re asking, that you’re stupid for not knowing exactly how she knows.

“Well, we will soon see, me and Daddy think it’s a boy” you boop her nose as you laugh.

“But I don’t want a - Oh- Mama? Are you okay?”

As Sarah begins to reply to you, another pain washes over your body, causing you to yelp slightly, but you try your best to hide the pain. As to not scare Sarah. You squeeze your eyes shut as you breathe your way through it.

“Mama’s okay Baby” Joel reassures as he strokes a hand up and down your leg “this is just your baby brother or sister tryna get out”. He then adds “Breathe Mama.”

“Oh” Sarah moves slightly in your arms, so she can rub some hair out of your face and behind your ear. Kissing your check once she has done it. Sarah copies what Joel says “breathe Mama.”

Once the pain has subsided you squeeze Sarah as hard as you can, “Thank you so much for helping me through that pain, that kiss was very nice” you kiss the top of her head. Sarah then moves a hand to your belly and wriggles out of your arms, so she can move to bring her mouth to your belly. She lifts up your top to expose your belly and whispers against the skin; “don’t hurt Mama please baby sister” she kisses your tummy and adds “I can’t wait to meet you.” She really is the most beautiful six-year-old ever, the most considerate little girl.

You sit there embracing and soaking in every last second as the three musketeers, life is never going to be the same again after this. So you really do soak up every last second. Eventually there is a distant knock drawing all three of your attention’s. Joel is quick to stand up and is out of the room in the same breath.

You turn to Sarah again; “Come give me a big big hug, I’m gonna miss you soooo much.”

“I’m going to miss you too Mama, will you be gone long?” she mumbles into your chest as she hugs you tight.

“We shouldn’t be baby; I think we will be home by tomorrow night at the very latest, but I will call you so that you know okay?”

“Okay, Mama, oh and you know somethin’?”

“What’s that honey?” you stroke her hair.

“I am so happy you’re my Mama, and I’m so happy you’re baby sisters Mama too, we have the best one in the whole world” the sentimental thoughts this little girl has melt you. You’re amazed that she knows exactly what to say, and when to say it. She makes every situation good or bad 10x better.

“Oh, thank you Baby, I really love you so much. You know that?” you can’t help the tears that begin to fall down your cheeks then. You sniffle, which gains Sarah’s attention, and she looks up at you.

“Oh, I’m sorry Mama, I didn’t mean to make you sad” she reaches a hand to wipe the tears from your cheeks.

“You didn’t make me sad baby, I promise, these are happy tears, you made me really happy”. You kiss her forehead.

The bedroom door opens again, and Joel, Tommy and Maria all walk into the room. Both you and Sarah look towards them.

“Hey stinker!” Tommy shouts

“Hey Uncle Tommy, hi Maria!”

Joel notices that you’re crying and is straight to your side “You, okay?” he then reaches to Sarah’s bedside table to get you a tissue.

You take it from him with thanks “I’m fine, I promise, Sarah was being Sarah, and now I’m crying. You know how it goes”. You laugh wetly as you dab under your eyes with the tissue.

“Oh, I do.” He turns to Sarah, stroking her cheek “You’re the best aint you baby girl”. She giggles in response.

He then looks back to you “Right Baby, you ready to go?”

“Yeah” you smile and take a deep breath. “Let’s go have a baby!”

Joel holds out both his hands to you and he helps you to swing your legs back over the side of the bed. He then helps to pull you up with a groan. You take a second to catch your bearings, now you are back on your feet. Joel helps to walk you slightly to the middle of the room, so Tommy and Maria are able to position themselves on the bed by Sarah. You watch as Maria takes your position, she cuddles up to Sarah and strokes her head. You’re so happy she’s in good hands whilst you’re gone. Tommy and Maria have always been so good to Sarah.

Still holding one of Joels hands; “right Sarah, you have to be really good for Tommy and Maria okay baby- you need to make sure- ugh” you say as you place your freehand under your bump feeling a pain beginning, Joel grabs hold of you tight then- “make sure to listen to-f-fuck!” you grip onto Joel’s arm like it’s a lifeline and move back to face him.

He shushes you and offers you his other arm too, so you can hold onto him properly and sway. You push your forehead into his shoulder. You can’t help but be vocal this time, in too much pain to be able to control the moans that come out of your mouth. “Y’got this baby” Joel whispers into your hair. As the pain begins to subside you can just about hear as Tommy tells Sarah you didn’t mean the ‘no no’ word you said. Sarah just laughs in response.

When the pain is completely gone, you look Joel in the eye, he can see you’re already beginning to feel deflated. Yet he also has a cheeky half smile on his face, and you remember what you had just said. You stand up tall again and turn back to look at Sarah. “Mama is sorry for saying that baby, I didn’t mean it, be good for Tommy and Maria, listen to what they say okay? I love you.”

“Love you too Mama!” she blows you a kiss and you pretend to catch it and placing it on your heart, before blowing her one back.

As you begin to walk out of her bedroom Joel turns to look back at the three of them; “Tommy, I’ll be in touch, thank you for havin’ her. See you soon baby girl, be good, love you”!

“Love you too Daddy, make sure to look after Mama”.

“I will, I promise!”

Tommy and Maria both shout good luck and you make your way downstairs, grabbing the hospital bags that you left by the door, and then you’re on your way.

🩷🩵🩷

You’ve been at the hospital about an hour when your midwife comes into the room.

“Hi, I’m Sally your midwife, how are we both doing?”

“Good thanks, but definitely progressing much faster than I expected.”

“Well, there’s never really been a time scale for these thing, your baby must just be super eager to make an appearance! Are you okay if I check you, just to see how far along you are?”

You nod, but are sidetracked by a very painful wave, overtaking your body once more. You sit up taller in the bed, breathing and moaning your way through the pain. Joel is rubbing your lower back, ‘counterpressure’ her remembers the midwife at Sarah’s birth called it, it doesn’t really do much, but you enjoy feeling his presence and care. Once the pain ends, Joel helps you to shift in the bed, so you’re able to get into a suitable position for the examination; offering his hand. You take it gratefully and part your legs so the midwife can get to work.

“Okay, six centimetres, coming right along, well done! Won’t be too much longer now hopefully” she snaps her gloves off.

“Oh, thank goodness” you groan.

“Now am I right in thinking it’s in your birth plan to have a water birth, if we have a room with a pool free? Is that still what you want?”

“I would Love that! I really regret not having a water birth with Sarah.”

She nods “okay, no problem, I’ll get onto the case and find out if we have a room, I’ll be back with the verdict asap, in the meantime, I’ll be right outside if you need me, okay? That red button to your right, press it if you need me, I’ll come running, literally! Especially if your water breaks okay, shout me!”

“Will do, thank you nurse.” Joel responds.

With the door shut and the midwife out of the room you turn to Joel.

“She’s nice” you smile.

“Yeah, I like her” Joel agrees.

“Hey not too much longer baby and we will be a family of four, how crazy is that!” you add excitedly.

“I can’t wait. Do you think Sarah is right about it bein’ another girl?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I know she really wants a sister, so I would love to give her one. But either way she will be the best big sister, I know that much.”

“Oh, she most definitely will, I have to agree with you there Darlin’.”

Joel moves his hand out of the grasp of yours and begins to caress your belly. Making gentle work of it, as he knows just about any pressure on it right now is painful. You let out a pleasurable moan in response. His palms tickling your belly in a really relaxing way. His baby kicking in response every so often.

“God, I really hope I can have a water birth.”

“I’m praying for you Baby”. He says as he leans down to kiss your stomach.

🩷🩵🩷

Two hours later, again, your breathing begins to speed up as another pain takes over you whilst you lie on your side in the hospital bed. You grab onto Joel’s arm as you moan with the pain. You lean into him, curling your body tight. He uses the arm you don’t have a hold of, to rub up and down your back.

“You got this baby, I’m so proud of you”.

“Ugh, it really hurts” your voice breaks and you can’t help the tears that begin to fall “I can’t do it anymore”.

“You can baby, you can. You’ve got this, you’ve done it all before with Sarah. Just think of how amazin’ life is now because you brought her safely into the world. You did that! Endured all that pain to bring her into the world, and now you’re going to do the same again with this baby. We are all so lucky to have you. You’re so strong.” He kisses your forehead as the pain begins to subside.

With the pain gone, you have the ability to sit up straighter. Joel moves out of your way so you’re able to sort yourself out, however you wish to. Rather than sitting against the pillows, you bring your legs over the side of the bed, so you can sit directly facing Joel. You hold your hands out on either side of the bed to help you stabilise. Joel then kneels in front of you, so you put your arms around his neck, in an effort to hold him closer. He’s your safe space. You pull each other into an embrace, and you rest your head on his shoulder as you cry.

“Shhh Baby, you’re okay, y’got this”.

You don’t say anything, you just continue to hug him as you shake and cry. Joel brushes his hands up and down your back. “Hey baby, look at me”. It’s a whisper into the quiet room after a few minutes of silence. You don’t move, just shake your head no into his shoulder. “Baby” he pulls away a little. “Please, look at me” this time it’s much sterner, but still drowned in concern.

You slowly lift your head up; your hair falls in front of your face as you do so. Your face red and shiny with tears. You looks exhausted and defeated. Joel brushes your hair behind your ears and smiles at you. He then wipes your wet cheeks to free them of your tears. “Hi” he smiles “see you’re so strong. So much stronger than I could ever be. I promise you, you’ve got this”.

“I don’t” you whimper.

“Baby” he laughs “you do! Look at you, you’re literally doin’ it as we speak!”

“I don’t feel strong” it comes out like a moody grunt.

“But you are, come on take a deep breath. It’s all gonna be worth it”.

You take a deep breath in before exhaling, keeping eye contact with Joel as you do. You bring a hand to your lower back with a wince.

“Can you help me up please? I wana walk for a little?”

“Course baby, whatever you need”.

Joel takes hold of both of your hands and pulls as you begin to lift yourself off the hospital bed. You then proceed to pace; breathing deeply as you rub your belly.

“You up for some music? We can dance for a bit, will that help?”. Joel asks enthusiastically.

It stops you in your tracks “Aww Joel, you cutie you still wana dance with me? Even when I look like this?” you gesture to your hospital gown.

“I always wana dance with you darlin’.”

Joel grabs his phone and puts on a random playlist of slower songs. He takes you into his arms and cuddles you close swaying with you in his arms. Stopping with each contraction that hits you, rubbing your lower back. He kisses the top of your head every so often. Mumbling into your hair how much he loves you. You continue to do this for a while, seemingly more relaxed until “Shit, wait Joel stop, I feel weird”.

He immediately stops swaying with you but continues to hold you “what do you mean?”

“I- I, it feels weird down there, I don’t know” you grab the underneath of your stomach.

“What can I do?”

You begin to stand straighter in his arms“I- I just need to move, just need t-“

You’re interrupted by a gush of water, falling from between your legs. Soaking your bare feet, and Joels boots.

“Oh shit, well that’s what that was” you laugh, but then keel over with another pain. Placing your palms onto the hospital bed as you sway and moan.

Joel pushes the red button, then is right back at your side helping you through it. The nurse is in the room within a couple of seconds.

“Hey, I was just on my way back to you guys, what’s going on?”

Joel, noticing you’re still getting over your pain, responds on behalf of you “her waters went”.

“Oh goodie! Progressing as we should and to top it off, we have a room free. We will take you there when you’re ready sweetie” she rubs your shoulder in concern.

“Oh, thank god, I would’ve cried even more if I couldn’t have a water birth”.

🩷🩵🩷

Once settled into the new room Joel helps you to strip completely, then helps you to put on a bikini top. The midwife is filling up the tub and Joel helps you in once its ready. You’re straight on the gas and air.

After an hour of contracting in the water, you’re sat against the tub, a flannel over your forehead and Joel is rubbing your shoulders. You’re focusing on breathing calmly between contractions, but the next pain that hits you is excruciating. There’s something much more primal about this scream. Despite the pains everything seems calm till the sudden urge to push overcomes your body.

You sit up taller in the bath, pulling a face as you try to move to get more comfortable, which is just impossible.

“You okay baby?” Joel asks noticing the distress on your face.

“There’s so much pressure down there I think-  I feel like- like I need to push” you take a second to get a proper feel for what it is you’re feeling. “Yeah, I do- I need to push Joel!”

Joel quickly jumps up and presses the red button and it takes all of ten seconds for Sally to return.

“How we doing?” she asks genuinely, but it’s obvious she knows the answer she’s about to get.

“I need to push” you say before a pain takes over you that has you almost screaming in pain. You turn in the tub to face Joel and put your arms over his shoulders. He hugs you close.

“You’re okay baby, you’re doing so good.”

“Okay, when this pain is over, I’m going to check you, whatever you do, do not push, okay?” Sally says in a rushed tone.

You nod into Joel’s shoulder in response. And it takes ever fibre of your being not to push. You don’t move whilst she examines you, continuing to cuddle into Joel as you try to suppress the urge to push.

“Okay it’s go time angel, baby’s head is right there I can see it.”

“Oh, thank God” it comes out like a cry.

“You hear that Baby you can push” Joel utters to you so softly, it’s almost a whisper.

“You can start pushing as soon as you’re ready angel, how do you want to do this? You happy in the position you’re in or do you want to move?”

“No, I want to stay like this” you’re determined but exhausted.

“That’s absolutely fine. Now on the next contraction, I want you to push with everything you’ve got, okay, I’m going to count to ten and I need you to push that whole ten seconds, okay? You’re no quitter, so I don’t want any giving up.”

“Yeah, okay” it’s about all you can manage response wise.

It doesn’t take long till the next contraction happens, they’re basically on top of each other by this point.

You bare down as you grip onto Joel, and you give it all you’ve got. “Good!” the midwife shouts. “Keep going that’s it, 8, 9, 10.”

You stop pushing with a gasp.

“You did so good baby” Joel whispers in your ear.

“Ready to go again?” the midwife asks, and you nod before baring down for another ten. It takes a few more pushes before the head is completely out and you’re nothing but glad that the ring of fire is long gone.

“Okay good the head is out! Well done! Take some deep breaths for me. Just a few more pushes and your beautiful baby will be here!”

“The heads out?” it’s almost a cry.

“Yes, it’s out!”.

“Can I feel?”

“Yeah, course go for it” the midwife adds. You move out of Joel’s grip slightly, bringing one of your arms back to feel the head between your legs.

“Oh, Joel, I can feel them, wow they have a lot of hair” you say as you look at him.

“Yeah? Lotta hair, just like Sarah?” Joel asks.

“Oh yeah beautiful full head of hair I can see it” the midwife adds in.

“Good, hey almost there now baby” he replies before kissing your head as you lean back into him.

With the head finally out, you know you have to push even harder for the shoulders and you’re exhausted.

“Give us a really big push on this next contraction, okay?” Sally asks.

“I can’t” you shake your head into Joel’s shoulder.

“Baby you can, what do you mean you can’t?” Joel adds.

“I can’t do it anymore, I can’t!” You cry.

“Baby, you’ve been doing so well and you’re so near the end now, hey look at me.” You lift your head from his neck to look at him. “You’re so strong you’ve got this, okay? You push, give it everything you’ve got and lets meet this baby of ours, okay?”

“Y-Yeah, okay”

“Good girl” Joel replies kissing your forehead.

The pain begins to wash over you and you push until you can’t anymore. Joel and Sally coaching you through every second of the push.

“Few more pushes and baby is out” the midwife adds.

“Good you can do this baby come on!” Joel shouts enthusiastically and that’s all you need to hear.

You scream as you bare down gripping onto Joel’s shoulders. It takes three more pushes to get the baby out. The midwife is there to catch and when the baby is finally free from your body you immediately sit back so you can take the baby from her. “It’s a girl!” the midwife announces as she places your screaming daughter in your arms.

“Another girl Joel” you cry at him, and he comes over to kiss you on the head before placing a hand on the back of his new daughters head.

“She’s so beautiful” Joel cries back.

“Sarah was right” you laugh, “she got the sister she always wanted”.

“Look at all of her hair!”

“She gets that from her daddy” you laugh.

You’re crying, Joel’s crying, the baby is crying. You all just stay like that for a minute.

“Dad do you wana cut the cord?” Sally questions Joel, bringing you both out of your new baby bliss bubble.

“Y- yeah” he replies.

You move the baby to be cradled in your arms as he cuts the clamped cord. The midwife then takes the baby and gives her to a nurse to clean her off whilst you deliver the placenta.

🩷

An hour later you’re back in the hospital bed in your own comfy pj’s as your newborn daughter sleeps against your chest. She makes little purr like noises as she does. Skin to skin is your favourite thing to do with a newborn. Joel is sat at your side and rests his palm against your daughters head.

“What should we call her?” he whispers to you.

You turn your head to the side to look at him briefly. You whisper back “I think she looks like an Ellie.”

“Ellie?” he looks to her squished, pouty face then. “S’perfect” he replies, before leaning to kiss her tiny head.

As if she hears herself being talked about, she stirs awake and lets out a little grouchy cry.

“Oh, baby Ellie, you’re hungry again huh?” You coo at her angry scrunched face. You then move, Joel quickly grabbing her from you, so that you can undress yourself ready to feed her. Joel helps to position her at your breast, and she latches almost instantly. And you quickly settle back into the feeling of feeding a baby, it’s the best bonding feeling ever.

Joel just sits back and watches you both for a moment, before getting out his camera and taking a snap of you feeding your daughter.

“Babe, stoppp I bet I look a mess”.

“You look gorgeous baby.”

This birth had been much less traumatic than Sarah’s and you were raring to go home. Thankfully you got the all clear to go which you were more than thankful for. You didn’t want to have to spend the whole night away from Sarah if unnecessary. Ellie was born six hours ago; she had fed easily and was going to the toilet normally. And so home time it was. Joel is getting Ellie ready in the car seat whilst you get out your phone. You’d promised to call Sarah when you were coming home and so you call Tommy’s phone to speak to her.

It only rings twice and surprisingly Sarah is the one to answer.

“Hi Mama!”

“Hey baby, are you okay?”

“Yeah Mama, are you coming home?”

“We are coming home!”

“So, the baby is here!”

“Yes, the baby is here, and you’ll get to meet them very soon!”

“Yay I can’t wait!”

“See you soon baby love you!”

“Love you too!”

There’s a welcome home sign on the front door, clearly made by Sarah, when you make it back home. Joel carefully helps you out of the car and then makes his way into the back to get Ellie out whose sleeping soundly. You then walk up to the front door together, Joel unlocking the door and allowing you to enter first. He enters behind you with Ellie in tow.

You walk into the living room and Sarah runs straight to you. Jumping up and down in front of you. ‘MAMA!’

“Hi beautiful girl!” you gently hug her. “You wana meet someone special?”

She nods, as she looks behind you to watch Joel walk in the door, baby carrier in tow. “Baby girl, this is Ellie, your sister” he announces excitedly.

“Sister? It’s a girl! See I told you!”

“Yeah, you were right baby, now if you go and sit nicely on the sofa, you can hold her if you want?”

“Yes, yes pleaseeee!”

Sarah runs hurriedly over to the sofa and sits nicely kicking her legs. You come to sit next to her and put an arm around her. Joel places the carrier down onto the floor and bends to carefully to unclip her to get her out. Maria and Tommy both coo from the other sofa when her tiny body is lifted out of the seat. The newborn scrunch is enough to set you off crying again and when Joel gently helps Sarah to position her arms to hold her new sister correctly, you’re a mess. Sarah’s one arm is propped against a pillow to further help her in supporting her baby sister.

“Hi Ellie, I’m your big sister. She’s so tiny wow” she strokes her cheek gently.

“She is huh? Joel adds “she’s gonna get so much bigger though, one day she will be as big as you.”

“She’s so beautiful” as if on cue, Ellie opens her eyes then and looks straight up to her big sister in curiosity.

“Look Sarah she recognises her big sister; she remembers your voice from all those times you spoke to her when she was in my tummy. God, you look so big holding her baby girl” you bend her head towards you gently then to kiss her.

Joel reaches into his bag and gets his camera out once more.

“Girls look up, lets get a picture of the three of you”.

You and Sarah both look up at once, you quickly wipe the now drying tears from your face and Joel takes multiple pictures.

“Right daddy I think it’s time you got in too, don’t you?” Maria asks from behind him, he quickly passes her the camera and sits the other side of Sarah, you all smile once more at the camera, and Maria also take one of the three of you looking down at Ellie as she makes her tiny little noises.

Okay now enough you lot, think it's time Uncle Tommy had a cuddle, don't you?" Tommy asks “C’mon shift, stop hoggin’ my niece!” He jokes.

You all laugh then.

This is family, this is love, this is the life you’d spent your whole life dreaming of. And here you are finally living it, and it’s so much better than you could’ve ever, ever imagined.

Read from Joel's POV I Series Masterlist I Main Masterlist

[x3kristax3]

Was it worth it? - Life After

⚠️warning: language

Chapter 3:

We have been married for a year now and it's been nothing shy of perfect. Four months after the honeymoon I found out I was pregnant. I remember finding out and I was so nervous to tell Jake. However when I told him he was beyond excited. He has been there every step of the way helping me when I needed it. He's at work as we're coming up on the due date Jessy is over while I wait for Jake to come home.

I'm in the kitchen, making something to eat and I feel what I thought was braxton hicks but they keep getting worse. Jessy notices and calls my doctor. He asks a few questions and we answer them. While on the phone my water breaks and I look at Jessy.

She exclaims on the phone and she's told to get me to the hospital. Thankfully we had the bags by the door and I grab my phone. As she gets me in the car I call Jake at work. 

He answers because he got permission "yes, my love? What do you need me to bring you home?" He asks.

"Get to the damn hospital" I scream through a contraction.

"I'll be right there my love" he says as he hangs up.

About an hour later I'm in a delivery room and on an epidural. Jessy hasn't left my side as Jake still isn't here.

"Where the hell is he?" I yell.

"Calm down, please. He should be almost here" she says.

I swear as she says that he bolts into the door. He comes to the other side of me and holds my hand.

"I'm sorry, traffic was horrible my love." He says kissing my hand.

I let go of Jessy hand and reach over to him, I have tears in my eyes and he leans his head against me. "Jake, I'm scared" I say.

"You'll do amazing Krista and I'll be here every step of the way okay?" He says kissing my forehead.

The contractions become more frequent and he looks at Jessy. "Call for the doctor please" he says

Jakes POV:

Her contractions are getting closer together and I'm trying to keep her calm. I remember her telling me we were pregnant. I was so excited coming home from work. These last 8 months haven't been easy as Krista was a high risk pregnancy but we made it full term. 

I'm holding her hand and I swear her strength is more than normal as I can barely feel my hand, I feel sorry for Jessica. The doctor comes in and they can see the baby's crown.

Krista has me climb behind her and she pushes through the pain. Squeezing my hands and screaming. We finally hear our little ones first cry and they have me cut umbilical cord. They clean him up and check his vitals right there. Everything is perfect and they hand him to her.

I swear watching Krista hold our son brings tears to my eyes as I watch hers fill with tears as she smiles. I lean my head against her and put my hand on hers against him. We had decided on the name Alex Issac Miller.

She needs sleep, I see it looking into her eyes as the doctors have left the room. I kiss her forehead.

"Let me hold him, my love. You need to rest,`` I say.

She looks at me and I know she doesn't want to put him down but know she's exhausted.

"Can you hand me the blanket I bought him to swaddle?" She asks.

I go into the bag and grab it for her. I put it down next to her and I pick him up gently. Holding him for the first time in my arms I can't understand how I can love someone I just met so much. However his mama had the same effect on me.

She lays out the blanket and I lay him down. She swaddles as we practice and I pick him back up. She instantly passes out into a sleep. I sit in the chair and just hold him. Starting into his eyes just like mine, I know he's going to have her wrapped around those little fingers.

[darkmaga-retard]

Comic John Tothill's appendix bursts on stage in Edinburgh; ATI unable to join concert in Botswana; Australia's Gretta Ray "has cancelled her shows to recover from a rare heart disease"

Mark Crispin Miller

Aug 19, 2024

[cowgurrrl]

United in Grief

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader (except this is all backstory)

Author’s note: I’m sorry

Summary: “My mom honks her car horn every time she drives past the cemetery her friend is buried in. This is what I think love is: everlasting. Deathless.” [1.8k]

Warnings: if you’ve been reading this far, you know what to expect

April 7th, 1998

You're trying to figure out how you got here. You think the nurses are trying to figure out the same thing. You answer their questions in between contractions, your body shaking and overheating all at the same time. Your water broke at home while you were getting ready for school. You probably shouldn't have even thought about going when your Braxton-Hicks contractions were so bad. Still, you needed to finish school somehow. You were sitting down in the bathroom when it happened.

"Is there anyone we can call for you?" A nurse asks, snapping you out of your head as she checks your and the baby's heart rate. "Boyfriend? Parents? Friend?"

"There's no boyfriend, and I don't think any of my friends care enough to come," you sigh, rubbing your belly. "Besides, everyone's still at school."

"What about your mom? I'm sure she'd want to be here with you." She says gently, but the words feel like sandpaper rubbing over your skin. The baby kicks, and you press your hand back, letting her know you feel her.

"If you can get her to answer the phone, it'd be a low-level miracle."

"She's not supportive?"

"Having a pregnant sixteen-year-old was never on the bucket list. She hasn't spoken to me since I told her about the baby. Neither has the father, and I… I understand what it looks like." you say. You've read the statistics about teen moms and how they are less likely to finish high school. You're determined not to be a part of that statistic. You will make life perfect for this baby. No matter the cost. "But I got emancipated when I was three months pregnant, and I'm living in an apartment owned by one of my classmate's dads, and he's giving me reduced rent. And I work part-time at a restaurant. People love to tip the pregnant girl, right? So, we'll be okay. I'll be okay."

"It's okay if you're not." The nurse says, but you shake your head.

"I need to be okay for her."

"You're having a girl?" She asks, and you hum. She smiles and glances at the different machines you're hooked up to, making sure everything is in order. "Well, it sounds like she's very lucky to have you as her mama."

"Thank you." You mumble. It's the nicest thing anyone's said to you in months.

The nurse stays with you as your contractions get closer together and more painful. She rubs your back when you throw up and keeps you upright when they administer your epidural. Eventually, in your drugged-up, sleep-deprived state, you ask her to, at least, try to call some people for you. You give her Matt, your mom's, and a few friends' phone numbers. If anyone answers, she doesn't tell you. She doesn't have to. She just returns and perches on the edge of your bed, her hand resting on your knee.

"Y'know, I have a daughter about your age," she says. "She's super smart. Motivated. Beautiful, too, and don't get me wrong. She's made some mistakes. Some really big ones. But I'd hope that if she were ever in this position, I'd be able to find the courage to be as brave as you are right now," she squeezes your knee, and you wipe at your eyes, unexpected tears leaking from your eyes. "We're gonna help you have this little girl, okay?"

She doesn't leave your side, even when you're yelling loud obscenities, and the room devolves into controlled chaos. She coaches you through every contraction and even braids your hair so it's out of your sweaty face. Your doctor and two other nurses come in once you're fully dilated to help support you and the doctor. The rain outside pounds harder on the windows as you try to push and breathe when you're supposed to, but it's so hard, and you're so tired. You've been working too hard. You haven't been sleeping enough. You definitely haven't been drinking enough water. What if you've already fucked up as a mom? What if there's no coming back from this?

Your doctor says something about needing to push harder; otherwise, you'll have to have an emergency c-section, and you start sobbing— full-bodied, earth-shattering sobs. The nurse who braided your hair shushes you gently and dabs a damp rag against your forehead. You look at her and cry harder.

"I'm scared." You admit.

"I know you are, baby, but you're so close. Can I tell you something I tell my daughter?" She asks, and you nod through your tears. "Whenever you're feeling scared, just squeeze my hand as hard as you can, and I'll take all your fear from you, alright? Show me what you got." She takes your hand in yours, and you squeeze as the next contraction takes your attention. A few minutes later, in a room full of women, you deliver your daughter with a scream loud enough to shake the entire floor, but she's silent. You look at the nurse holding your hand worriedly.

"She's not crying. Why isn't she crying?"

"Sometimes, babies have a hard time adjusting to being outside the womb. We'll get her crying, don't worry." Time seems to freeze as you watch the doctor rub your daughter's back until she rears her head back and wails. You let out a big breath, and a moment later, she's placed on your chest. You don't realize you're still holding the nurse's hand, but she doesn't let go. She lets you squeeze her until you stop shaking long enough to put your other hand on the back of your daughter's head.

She's so small and has so much hair. You stare down at her like she's the most precious jewel anyone could've ever discovered as she cries and cries. You kiss her forehead and vaguely tune into something the doctor is trying to tell you about recovery. You nod, but you're not listening. You're focusing on how your daughter's lungs expand and contract and how her heart beats against yours like it was always meant to be. Like it was forever and always supposed to be you and her.

You let the nurse holding your hand take the baby to get cleaned up as the rest of the nurses and the doctor run around to ensure you have everything you need. Once things settle and your daughter is back in your arms, people gradually leave the room for you to bask in her beauty. Now that she's here, everything seems so real, so important. The weight on your shoulders doesn't feel as heavy with her next to you, but it's still there. You're sure you'll cry later about not knowing what the fuck you're doing, but it's okay. It has to be. You're a mom now.

"I'm gonna go get some paperwork done, okay? If you need anything, even if it's just a friend, you press this button." The nurse says, putting the call button next to you in bed, and you nod.

"Thank you…" you trail off, realizing the nurse never told you her name, and she smiles, looking between you and the baby.

"Jane."

June 2nd, 2008

You're trying to figure out how you got here, outside the walls but in the opposite direction of the Shell station. You told Lee you didn't want to do any more drops so close to when Jane gets out of school. Still, the promised payout was enough of an incentive. You and Mrs. Carmichael have gotten closer since Adam died. She told you about her husband, who died long before the outbreak, and how she never changed her name back. You told her about Adam and what he meant to you. It felt like soldiers passing war stories back and forth to figure out why they were thrust onto battlefields, trying to find out what they did wrong to get drafted into a war they never imagined. She's kind. You trust her. It made sense to ask her to pick Jane up today.

Jane's been having a hard time in the past few months. A few weeks after Adam died, she asked you if he was her father. She admitted she doesn't remember much from before the outbreak and told you she vaguely remembers Outbreak Day. She's never really known a world without Adam until now. You wanted to lie and say yes. You wanted to tell her that, of course, she was a product of this beautiful, kind, amazing man. You wanted her never to know or claim Matt. You still don't know why you said no.

She barely wanted to celebrate her birthday two months ago but plastered on a smile when you surprised her with new notebooks and pencils for her to write with. These days, she's locking herself in her room with Adam's radio and her words. You remind her you love her and are there to talk, but she just nods and disappears. She's getting older. You can't shield her from the world forever, but goddammit, if you can't try for as long as you can.

You've connected with two guys on the radio who have a safe house in a safe, abandoned neighborhood in Boston. They've been giving you tips on how to find and keep a safe place outside of the QZ. With all the smugglers, weapons dealers, and survival skills you know, for the first time, it's feasible. It's possible. You could take her out of the QZ and build her that home in the forest where she could actually be a kid. You just need a few months. You can do it. You will do it for her.

Catherine's group shows up right on time, a desperate attempt to show how sorry they are for what happened the last time they were late. You don't make eye contact with her as you trade for the shit you need to. She's about to open her mouth to say something, and your fists ball up at whatever she could have to say when an ear-splitting sound emerges from the QZ. The ground shakes with the force, and you reach for your gun like you're waiting for it to happen again.

"Probably some Fireflies and FEDRA playing hot potato again," one of Catherine's guys says. "They've been throwing bombs at each other for the past month in our QZ." And just like that night you first saw fighter jets circling your city, you get an unmistakable sinking feeling in your stomach.

You start running back, praying to whatever god will still take pity on you after every sin you've committed to keep your little girl safe.

You wish you knew your prayers were landing on deaf ears. You would've run faster.