#Brainstorming this was pretty funny in a sad way too lol

[spotaus]

Gonna be sick (New Age thoughts are consuming me-)

Just a quick jot of ideas to ruminate on for myself lol.

1) Geno, Dust, and Reaper drabble. Whether that's expanding on their first visit from Dust's pov or that snippet where his shoulder gets obliterated idk. Maybe even Killer's teasing as a b-plot. Just. Those three make me feel big emotions and I feel crazy-

2) Cross rooting around in the castle on his spy mission. If I were more interesting it would be proceeded by a fluff drabble about the month or two he sticks around to prepare, either from Blue or Dream's perspectives even, but I'm not that cool. Instead, probably gonna jump-cut straight into the Him Arriving bit.

3) Blue and Dream meeting. Dream is so so distressed upon arriving to this allied kingdom, and the people are kind enough, but everything is so different and scary and his brother, his *brother* is different abd sent him away. Now he's alone. He's holding together poorly, but tries to at least keep up appearances and train. (Training helps distract him) and during a training session with one of the Knights, he's introduced to Blue. The squire about his age who is always around for Dream's combat lessons. And. The squire who runs into Dream when he's had enough and makes a reckless choice.

4) Rewrite the first drabble (the starting chapter if you will-) I need to add in the dynamics I've made since then, and also slip in Ccino.

5) Nightmare getting his first cold since becoming young again. His immune system is trash, now that the pollens and germs are hitting him after years of being atrophied beneath the magic. So ofc he catches a cold very. Very quickly. And who is better to help him than Ccino, and who's better to keep watch than Cross? (Just wanna write a ting of angst in this one too.)

6) Dust. This would *probably* be a world building piece that focuses on Dust before he was imprisoned, and then how he was caught, and how he ended up with Nightmare. In theory this could span up until Killer was put in charge of Dust, but I can imagine it would stop after Dust accepts Nightmare's offer of work, then continue somewhere after.

7) Ccino-centric one! I just need to get an idea of a single day of his. Maybe one of his few days off? Just slice of life, him enjoying the day, paying tribute, visiting friends in the city.

8) Cross and Lust domestic drabble. Along the same vein, I just think a quick look into their lives would be nice. Maybe from Lust's perspective, since Cross kinda has red alarms going off in his brain because he's full of puppy love, and while it's definitely not shallow/all he thinks about, it is very... him. Lust is a lot more composed about it.

9) Same vein again, Crop and Horror. I like to think Crop was one of the folks Horror visited while trying to find fixes for farms. Crop was abroad for a long time and recently came back when he heard of his brother's plight with the messed up farm. The two of them did a lot of brainstorming and, in return for using their plot as an experimental lot, they were paid handsomely by the royal treasury. Horror and Crop were in contact for a *long* time, and eventually it became a consensual workplace relationship lmao. Just one of Horror's days off he goes home to visit his family, and finds Crop was there to visit as well as a surprise!

10) Away from Ship stuff, Error perspective, post running away! Probably from Geno leaving up until he was hired by Nightmare. Error is a chaotic little shit, but he was also like. 11 or smth. Miracle he wasn't killed. He's crafty and silly and so so sad.

11) Cross and his fucked up dog. That borzoi haunts the narrative in the funniest way physically possible. It's such a funny dog, and I think it'd be such a menace and very fun to write about Cross losing it and panicking. Maybe. Maybe Dog perspective even.

12) Some scene. Dunno which one. Cat perspective. Limited knowledge, only seeing eyes. Would be pretty cool.

13) Dust with his horses. Maybe the wild one he tamed even!

[tommyssupercoolblog]

Alright, response to last night's Anon, here we go:

I revieved an Anon yesterday from someone concerned that I was infantilizing my husband Seán ( @septiccoffeefreak ), like. that I didn't think he could do things for himself or make decisions and stuff.

I have no clue where that idea came from but I love him lots, and I have literal nightmares about being infantilized myself because I carry a lot of truama for that and am terrified about it. Its a huge trigger for me that leads to meltdowns and panic attacks all the time so the thought of doing that to my puppy makes me like actually sick so I like HAVE to clear this up like pronto!!!

I brainstormed some ideas on how this miscommunication could have happened and how I can add context; I'll be addressing different things that I think maybe could have been the trigger for this ask under the cut, tho I'm not sure where exactlyyyy this came from so I'm having to guess and spread a wide net.

Posts about him?? Idk what to title this section

I run all my jokes and photos and stuff that has to do with Seán past him and make sure they're okay with him. Every time. Even in DMs, even in actual conversation. I'm extremely careful about this.

Additionally there have been many times where he's told me a post was fine but I felt it was too much and didn't post it.

For example: he really likes these joke posts about like "oh I'm just a scared little deer oh no I'm a deer in headlights I'm so cringefail boy failure pathetic" and he makes similar posts. I don't think he's pathetic at all, he does definitely have some introverted tendencies and can be a little quiet sometimes but that's not a bad thing or pathetic!! Plus I think he's funny and charming and awesome and SO SMART?? Gah??? Anyways I think he's the best. He used to be a lot more anxious and worried and sad than he is now, and we've joked before that he's a "rescue" because of those videos of dogs who are super scared/nervous and then become happy and healthy over time.

I try not to joke about that too much though because I never want him to feel like he can't do something and I also don't want strangers to think he's pathetic. A lot of these bloggers he likes call themselves pathetic and sopping wet all the time and as fun as he seems to find calling himself a sopping wet little guy he's so...to me he's like perfect. And I don't like calling him that.

That being said he does have a sort of melancholic air to him, and I don't think that makes him pathetic. He also has this sort of soft beauty to him and I think it's very magical and pretty, but I don't think it's a sign of weakness either. I'm not like, good with words so I don't know how to describe it because he can be pretty in the way sad things are sometimes pretty, but... he's not sad or pitiful or weak. He makes me happy, and he's very interesting and smart and stuff. He's just like... gentle, and there's this weird association people have between gentleness/softness and being weak and that's kind of... bad.

When I try to express this feeling I have when I look at him and like how pretty he is in that soft way I sometimes get worried that the wording will give the wrong impression, and he'll tell me it's fine but I'll be like..."no I can't call you sopping wet I know you like to call yourself that but you're NOT WET you're cute in the way sopping wet animals sometimes are but you're not sopping wet or sad or in need of help and if I call you sopping wet people will think you are pathetic and if anyone thinks bad about you ever I'll EXPLODE EVERYWHERE and I don't know how to word the words I don't know how to!! AURGH!!" and he's like "calm down lol". Sometimes I worry more about this than other times.

If I ever call him my little meow meow or something it's not to say he's pathetic or weak. In fact to be honest? I feel like a lot of the time he's more capable than I am. He's strong and I can sort of rely on him in that way, he makes me feel safe. I feel like he could protect me from the whole world, you know? If he didn't hype me up so much I might even feel metaphorically small in comparison. (Literally I am smaller. I am tiny)

He's just...sweet and gentle and soft and cute/pretty/handsome/WOWWW. And I don't always know how to express that good because I'm not good with words like he is and sometimes he'll suggest or give me a word but unless we're writing fanfic together and both writing entire lines anyway I don't want to steal from him and take credit for his epic poggers brain and his epic poggers pretty big words he uses. I try to think of the describing words myself and put something together on my own even tho it is really hard...

The fact I would do literally anything for him and also I don't want anyone to be mean to him ever

I know full well Seán can protect himself??? He's extremely capable and smart. But he also deserves the world and he also, in a perfect amazing world, wouldn't HAVE to defend himself from mean people. When I post about wanting to protect him or how "I would literally kill for you babygirl" it's about loving him and wanting to help him and keep mean people away, not about him being unable to handle anything at all.

Wanting to defend him is all about loving him and thinking he's precious and WORTH defending. If you saw your best friend in a fight would you be like "oh well they're strong they can handle it haha" NO YOU WOULD JUMP IN AND BITE THE ATTACKER IF EVEN IF UR FRIEND IS TWICE YOUR SIZE ANS WOULD HAVE WON ANYWAY BECAUSE THEY DESERVE!!! SUPPORT!!!!! I would do anything for my babygirl no matter what. It doesn't matter if I could do it or even if I could do it any better than he could, it just matters that I can try. And I love him so much that GODDAMNIT I'm always gonna try.

ANXIETY/TALKING TO PEOPLES

I have never, EVER decided FOR Seán that I should do the talking. I usually try to encourage him to talk himself if he can and hype him up as long as he's comfortable and sure he wants to. But he usually doesn't WANT to talk to people, like at all- it's a rare occurrence. A special one that makes me jump for joy every time because it means he's feeling safer and getting healthier mentally- but a rare one.

Seán's anxiety can be crippling at times and I try to be there for him when it is. He helps me when I have mental problems too, and keeps me safe and talks me down. But I don't think any lesser of him just because he needs me to talk to employees sometimes, that would be awful!!! And he doesn't think lesser of me either if I have an autism meltdown or need help making food (he usually cooks because I struggle with it). Sometimes people just need help.

I don't talk to employees for him because I don't think he can talk to people at all- I actively encourage him to talk to people and try to push him to keep going whenever possible, offer him advice, tell him he's doing great and to just keep talking- but I talk to employees for him because sometimes he asks me to or gets so frozen that i try to comfort him but I can't get through and he's basically just about to cry, or is actively starting to cry.

If Seán is uncomfortable with something and doesn't want to do something, if he's nervous and upset, I'm not going to put him through that when I can easily sidestep the whole issue. I'm fine ordering for him at restaurants if it makes him happier and safer, but when he's feeling good enough to order for himself that makes me really happy!!!

Petnames

He asked for the petnames I call him. They make him blushy and happy. I call him princess and puppy and babygirl because he's shy about it but he really likes it and I want to make himb happy :3

[the25thviolence]

Last update (01-13-23)

Its weird that as a writer I keep some stories to myself.  I’ve talked about little characters I’ve made up before.  Like the shadow character OC that would of existed in My Hero Academia universe.  I explained it generally but actually I day dreamed an extremely detailed story about that character (honestly its pretty fucking R rated so I’m never writing it down).  All my little day dreams have like detailed stories that play in my head.  

I don’t know.  I never got like big into writing fanfictions or AUs or whatever.  Surprisingly all my stories are original.  But I still day dream like fan content into my own brain. 

Like in the midst of my early morning about to wake up ease dropping on my brain.  I was having a dream, than a dream about a cosplayer realizing her boyfriends kink by dressing up as Maki Zenin from Jujutsu Kaisen, than another dream.  I woke up like “why the fuck was there 30 seconds of that in my brain while I was dreaming????”.

My brain just drifts away while I’m asleep or awake.  I could be sitting down or driving my fucking car.  I just drift into a fucking story in my brain.  I can’t like stop it from starting but I can pull myself out when I want to.  I can start them when I want to too but like most the time my brain is like “lol bored making up a 300 year history of a made up kingdom for the next 5 minutes”. 

And I’m just like....

Eyes squinting.....

“What the fuck....”

Honestly its probably why I’ve loved sports games so much since I was a kid till right now as I play a sports game while writing this.  I think of weird funny little stories about what’s happening in my game as I’m playing.  I play franchise/association modes so I’ll be playing a decade+ of a team’s lifespan creating little sports stories in my head.  

I remember one year I was tired of my players getting hit hard so I put in my big running back to “punish” teams all season to wear them down so my star players could get more room.  

I could try and write down all my little day dreams.  

But often I feel like I day dream so much because I don’t really experience my dreams.  And dreaming is supposed to help you deal with your like life problems and come to terms with things.  So when I day dream I’ll just be randomly trying to come to terms with my life.  

SCENARIOS

ALL THE GOD DAMN SCENARIOS. 

They just pop in my head. 

What would happen if this happened.

What if they showed up. 

What if this person disappeared.

What if I died.

What if my family had a real problem.

What if someone tried to rob me.

What if my car broke down.

What if there was a fire right now. 

What if I wrote a book.

And like these long drawn out storylines play out inside my head till I snap out of it. 

Like simple one.  What if I wrote a book.  Oh no no no.  Not just the book.  Not the simple shit.  My fucking brain imagines the what the book is about.  The publishing people I deal with.  The conversations I have with my family about it.  Random questions strangers ask me about the book.  EVEN FOLLOW UP WITH THE PUBLISHER ABOUT WRITING ANOTHER BOOK AND MY BRAIN STARTS TO BRAINSTORM WHAT THAT BOOK WOULD BE ABOUT.  I LIVE A LIFE.  I GET MARRIED.  I OWN A HOUSE.  I IMAGINE MYSELF SITTING A TABLE LIVING COMFORTABLY BECAUSE THE FIRST BOOK SOLD WELL. 

My brain just feeds me these scenes one after another.  

I know its kind of sad.  

But like.

I’d much rather dream like a normal person than have a brain that works this way.

I’d much rather not have the experiences I’ve had that turned me into a writer. 

I’d much rather dream normally, not write, and just see a therapist twice a month. 

I wonder what my life would be like with a normal brain.  

P.S

My brain started thinking up a story about how many people would miss this version of me but I stopped it by yelling “Shut the fuck up none of those people are here now so who fucking cares what they would think.”

[bloodsoakeddoodles]

Felt unlovable, might delete later ♥

[phantom-curve]

3, 14, 19, 23, & 27 for the fanfic asks 💜

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year

omg RIP me this is the hardest question to answer! I really liked writing the stargazing-at-the-track scenes in lookin' for a sign. Julie and Luke are so soft in that AU and their banter was so fun. I also loved the 'locker scene' in that fic, specifically this part:

She nearly jumped out of her skin when she slammed her locker door shut only to find Luke propped up against the wall behind it.

“Boo,” he said with that same flirty little half-smirk she was coming to know all-too-well. He looked entirely too pleased with himself as she startled, leaning forward and crowding her space in a way that made her heart skip a beat.

“What are you doing here?”

He laid a hand against his chest, leaning back slightly and raising his brow.

“Who, me? Nothing, just looking for this wicked beauty I ran into over the weekend. She’s super smart and pretty funny once you get past the whole city slicker vibe. About yay high,” he held his hand up to Julie’s exact height, grinning wickedly at the blush that she could feel crawling up her cheeks, “have you seen her?”

Julie hugged her backpack to her chest and tried to remember how to breathe. She had thought the vulnerable version of Luke that haunted the track with an air of sadness was disarming, but seeing him in all his confident, golden boy glory was something else entirely. For a moment, she felt off balance as she tried to reconcile the two different versions into one. Heat flashed in her chest, and Julie wasn’t sure if it was because of the sudden crushing realization that she really liked him or because she wasn’t sure if Luke was being serious right now. He certainly hadn’t been quite this bold when they were alone in the middle of the night. She forced some steel into her spine and slid one leg off to the side a bit so she could cock her hip as she studied him.

“Luke Patterson, are you trying to flirt with me?”

Julie mentally high-fived herself when her voice came out smooth and even, not a single sign of her mild distress. Luke’s cheeks turned a very faint pink, some of his bounce mellowing out as his smile turned soft.

“Only if it’s working,” he admitted sheepishly as he raised one hand to grip his neck, ducking his head slightly, and there was the boy Julie recognized. The one that wasn’t quite as sure of himself as he would lead everyone else to believe, the boy who picked at his own scabs to make her feel less alone with her still-healing wounds.

14. a fic you didn't expect to write

100% champagne problems. when I wrote it I was struggling with really intense imposter syndrome and had basically decided I wasn't going to post my fics any more and maybe would stop writing altogether for a while. I absolutely did not expect it to get as much love as it has and I'm really grateful that you and Kira convinced me to post it💜

19. any new fics to start next year

I don't know! I'm trying to write less for others and more for myself and I'm also trying not to worry about actually finishing things or posting them. kind of just trying to go with inspiration as it comes, so hopefully something will inspire me next year and also hopefully I'll be able to finish some of my WIPs!

23. fics you wanted to write but didn't

I had a lot of ideas that ultimately didn't make it past the brainstorming stage lol memorably, both of our co-authored fics😂 but I also had thought about doing an Uglies AU or an Inkheart AU. ultimately both of those ideas would have required extensive plot planning and we both know that is not my forte

27. favorite fanfic author of the year

answered here!

fanfic end of the year asks

[katierosefun]

back on my w: two worlds bullshit but also make it star wars and obi-wan and anakin angst, because in typical caroline fashion, i’ve wondered about like. au? au. like, lowkey a canon divergence but also not a canon divergence au, i don’t really know how to describe it, but it’s really fucking meta--

anyways. thoughts under the cut, because i don’t want to burden anyone with ‘caroline what are you talking about why don’t you just write/don’t you have things to do’ shhhHHHHhh at this point i’m just a miserable pile of half-written docs and ideas but let me word-vomit for a second  (but also please do indulge me in this because i need to scream and i lowkey am into this idea but also i have too many things to write but also)

okay, so i’ve already rambled a bit about w: two worlds, but basically, the actual kdrama’s premise is that a young woman accidentally is dragged into the world of the comic/webtoon her father writes--essentially, this young woman saves the comic protagonist’s life, and she keeps accidentally slipping into the world, and it’s just. it’s so fucking meta and so fucking good and so fucking smart, and even though i think this is the kind of story that you.....can’t really mimic just because of how fucking smart and unique it is, it still got me thinking about star wars but make it “w” and uh--

disclaimer: i don’t think i’d ever actually write this because it would be so niche and also so incredibly convoluted, idk man i’m just kinda going off here: 

- so, the events of rots do happen. (note how i said that this is still slight canon-divergence au but also not? yeah, it’s about to get super complicated) 

- and of course, at this point, the galaxy like....no one except like obi-wan and yoda and bail actually know that darth vader is anakin, right? i think that’s what the situation is? 

- anyways, i think that’s where the story picks up: obi-wan’s in the middle-of-nowhere tatooine, and no one knows where/what the fuck happened to anakin skywalker, but we know that anakin skywalker was a pretty well-respected/public figure (because war propagandaaaaa) 

- anyways, thinking about obi-wan kenobi coming into town one day and realizing that people are shadily passing around a data pad to look at hey, this story just updated!!! this story just updated, and obi-wan realizes that there’s a rebelling artist somewhere out in the galaxy making comics about a young man who just so happens to Look Like and Act Like and also is named Anakin Skywalker, except he’s not a jedi, he’s just a regular guy making an honest living in the galaxy (and also on the hunt to avenge his friends’ and his family’s mysterious deaths) 

- i know, really fucking meta at this point 

- things are harmless enough: obi-wan tries to ignore this comic’s existence (if anything, he’s a little insulted by it because how dare you use his face and his name and turn it into...whatever this is), but like. 

- the thing is, grief is a funny thing, and sometimes you start to look for your person everywhere. 

- so obi-wan winds up reading along. he reads, and sometimes he thinks that things are a little too eerie--like, apparently, obi-wan is one of the people who was mysteriously killed / anakin’s mom was mysteriously killed / the dialogue is way too fucking real-- 

- anyways, the comic updates one day: obi-wan sees that the author has somehow decided to basically almost kill off anakin--bleeding out in the middle of nowhere, and obi-wan just watches and it’s painful because this isn’t actually anakin, this is just a comic character-- 

- and that’s when obi-wan gets pulled in. 

- obi-wan kenobi--our obi-wan kenobi--staring at this anakin skywalker-but-not-really-anakin-skywalker, who is bleeding out at his feet-- 

- obi-wan saves anakin’s life because what else is he gonna do, it doesn’t matter if this guy is a comic book character or not--he’s still going to save this person who has his best friend’s face 

- obi-wan gets transported back into his world. he looks down at the comic to find a drawing of himself saving the comic-anakin and promptly freaks tf out because that just happened why did that happen how the fuck did that happen 

- anyways, lots of other things happen. obi-wan now sometimes gets randomly pulled into this comic, and the comic-anakin skywalker is freaking out a little too because he’s like “you look exactly like my best friend, only my best friend was murdered”. and our obi-wan’s just like “yeah. i know the feeling--” 

- meanwhile, somewhere on the other side of the galaxy, imagine darth vader/anakin walking past a bunch of stormtroopers/former clone troopers and discovering this comic (lol this is kinda funny but also kinda not, because vader’s going to be like “find this artist and kill them”) 

- but who is the artist? who is the author? do we know? (we do not. at least, not right away.) 

- but anyways, back to obi-wan and comic-anakin: holy shit, okay, it seems like i’m getting a little invested now oh no, but anyways, in the comic, obi-wan still meets others: he meets a comic-padme (who is Not Married to comic anakin but there’s obviously some flirting there), and he meets a comic-ahsoka and a comic-rex, and it’s utterly painful for obi-wan because. because in this world. in this world, things are kind of okay. 

- comic-anakin still doesn’t know where obi-wan’s come from though--comic-anakin doesn’t know that he’s just a comic character. (which makes for Bad Realizations later.) 

- uh now there are other details i want to work out and an Actual Storyline in the process here in this what started as a joke to now what is turning into a brainstorm, but like-- 

- the actual plot? idk probably something to do with comic-anakin slowly realizing that he is. actually. just some grieving author’s fantasy / darth vader in real-time tracking down obi-wan and whoever tf is writing this comic / obi-wan constantly being yanked into this world against his will. 

- angst? so much angst. 

- just thinking about how our obi-wan decides to help comic-anakin.....comic-anakin being like “who are you?” / obi-wan: “me? i’m someone who wants you to have a happy ending. at least in this life. in this world.” / comic-anakin: ??? 

- kind of a bittersweet ending ngl-- 

- comic-anakin learns the truth: everything, from the fact that he. he is but someone’s imagination, to the fact that obi-wan comes from the Real World and that the Anakin Skywalker of the Real World turns into a villain/is the real killer of everyone he’s ever loved. 

- sad. so sad. 

- but ends with comic-anakin giving our obi-wan one last hug. (”i’m sorry that you never got to save your anakin.” / obi-wan trying really, really, really hard not to cry because a part of him doesn’t want to leave this world. this world where everyone’s safe and alive, but he has to go. in the end, he always has to go.) 

- as obi-wan leaves, comic-anakin smiles at him. (”i’m someone who’s rooting for you to have a happy ending.”) 

- anyways. uh. oh god. 

[kinetic-elaboration]

100 Days of Writing: Day Forty

I’m getting really lazy about this lol. Today’s entry: the answers to a few random questions that have spoken to me, from days I skipped.

Project courtesy of @the-wip-project​. Tagging fellow participants @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold​, @thelittlefanpire​, @hopskipaway​, @easilydistractedbyfanfic​, @dylanobrienisbatman​ @fontainebleau22.

This got VERY verbose, sorry....!

*

Day 34: Do you prefer to write fluff or angst?

Funny story. I once had a fic nominated in the Best Angst Category in a fandom fic awards event. The nomination was, of course, flattering, but also really confusing, because I didn’t think the fic was particularly angsty. It wasn’t super fluffy either. It...just was? It was a basic strangers-to-lovers modern AU somewhere in the 7k range, and the main ship was endgame. There was a period where half of the main ship was dating someone else, but that was mostly mentioned in passing during a time skip; most of the actual content was the endgame couple talking/flirting/pining, and, again, they did get together in the end.

The nomination made me reconsider what I think ‘fluff’ and ‘angst’ are and what my relationships are to the genres. I feel like a lot of my work is neither.

Some types of stories are obviously one or the other. MCD and/or illness is angst. Hurt/comfort is angst. Romantic stories where the characters don’t end up together are, generally, angst. Romantic stories where the characters DO end up together but only after considerable obstacles can be angst, also--which might have been the rationale behind nominating the above fic in ‘angst’ although, again, it was only 7k. It’s one thing to have a 300k+ story where the main characters pine for each other, wallow in their feelings, fight, feel jealousy, etc, and the finally kiss in the final chapter--I’ve done that, too. A shorter story is a different beast.

Fluff, to me, is a genre of stories without (significant) conflict. The point is you feel good reading them. Romantic stories with established couples, or first date stories, are fluff. Slice of life or ‘curtain’ fic is fluff. Holiday fic with a found family feel is fluff.

I’ve written some stories that clearly fall into one of these two genres, sometimes because the challenge I’m doing or request I’m fulfilling calls for it, and sometimes because I need a palette cleanser after writing the opposite type of fic.

Another place I’ve thought about genre is with Troped, but I don’t always feel confident in the stories I’ve written there, in terms of theme. The very, very first round had a Fluff theme but I wasn’t sure if my story was fluffy (I’m still not). It had a happy ending and the final scene was decidedly cute, but the characters came from angsty backgrounds, and some of the early scenes had, imo, a melancholy feel. Then one of the 2020 Madness rounds had an Angst theme. I tried to fit my entry into that genre by giving it a general feeling of helplessness and an ambiguous, dreary ending. I think it was angsty, but it wasn’t as... hardcore angsty? as some of the other entries. I also picked the theme “angst” for one of my Choice fics and that one was decidedly angsty, both in the specific-trope sense--it dealt with the aftermath of a major character death--and in the more general ‘mood’ sense. The main relationship wasn’t repaired at the end, and the ending was ambiguous.

I feel like for every fic I’ve written that’s decidedly fluffy or decidedly angsty, and I could give examples of both, I’ve written one or more that isn’t really either. Again, most of the time, unless I have a specific reason to think ‘time to write angst’ or ‘time to write fluff,’ I don’t go into an idea thinking it should be one or the other. I usually have a mood I want, but it might not be simple to categorize.

ALL that said... I think if I had to pick one, it would be angst. I don’t like truly unhappy endings, but I’ve done a decent number of ambiguous endings. It’s also easier for me to think of stories I’ve written that I think are fairly categorized as angst than stories that are clearly fluff. Third, I love writing about pining, and longing, and missing, and needing, and these are not ‘fluffy’ feelings. But most importantly, like I said, I think ‘fluff’ is a type of story that has minimal-to-zero conflict in it and I actually find those VERY hard to write. Maybe We Will is probably the fluffiest thing I’ve written (4k of a first date at a carnival) and my biggest challenge was figuring out: what are these people going to DO?

This isn’t an insult to fluff at all. Fluff writers have a real talent for creating a pleasant narrative, and I like reading outright fluff more than reading outright angst. But for me, there is a lot more flexibility outside of fluff, whether or not the resulting narrative is truly “angsty” or not. It might not have the primary goal of making you feel sad, but it probably doesn’t have the primary goal of making you feel happy either.

*

Day 37: Post your favorite line of dialogue that you’ve written recently. 

Skimmed the Sleeping Beauty AU for this one. As soon as I’m asked to think about dialogue I like, I wonder if I’ve ever written good dialogue in my life! Lol. You think about it too much and it all sounds fake. Here’s an exchange I think is pretty good (perhaps just in comparison to a lot of the Really Rough Writing that surrounds it...).

"That sounded like it went pretty well," she says, as she balances awkwardly against the wall, pulling on her boots. "From what I could hear."

Bellamy shrugs. He's scanning the crowd, glancing over at her impatiently when she stumbles, trying to tie her laces without bothering to kneel. "Roma doesn't ask a lot of questions."

Clarke snorts. "Yes, she does. What you really mean is, she asks a lot of questions, then gets distracted whenever you turn on the charm."

"Yeah, sure. My well-known charm."

Clarke lets her foot fall heavily to the ground again, straightens up and pushes her hair back from her face. "If you weren't flirting and being charming, what were you doing?"

Bellamy hesitates, a light, embarrassed pink spreading across his cheeks, and Clarke rises up on her toes triumphantly, trying to lean into his space. "I should have gotten more ration points," he says, barely more than a grumble, and Clarke laughs and pulls her hat down over her head. Then she picks up the jacket, slips it on, and steps purposefully in front of him.

"How do I look?"

Day 38: What comes first, plot or characters?

Well, I write fanfiction, so I feel like this is a tricky question to define. My current fandom does have a lot of characters though, so it is possible to have a general idea of a plot but not know who to put in it. That’s happened to me on a few occasions I think, but generally speaking... I think the two come simultaneously?

When I’m writing for Troped, it’s easier to start with the plot because certain elements of the challenge suggest (or require) a plot but never the characters to go in it. So sometimes I do work from plot --> characters there. It’s usually pretty seamless in that the plot-idea usually comes with at least some idea of the characters, but sometimes there’s ambiguity--for example, deciding to include Bellamy in Mad Women when he wasn’t initially supposed to be in it, which ended up changing/defining the story quite a bit. Another example is Mountain Lion Mean, where I knew right away what the general plot would be but waffled a bit about precisely which characters would be in it and to what degree.

Other challenges often define the characters first and so then by definition that’s where I start. For example, a Bellarke challenge obviously requires you to write about Bellarke, but depending on the other rules, the plot may come entirely from each individual writer without any additional prompting.

If it’s a wholly original/spontaneous idea.... it either is necessarily about plot and characters at once (ex: AU where X character is in Y place or examination of Z ship in a modern AU) or it comes as nothing but Mood. That mood might have elements of plot and bits of character but the best way I can describe it is that I develop both at once. For example, my Southern Gothic AU came to me as certain elements--a character who does X, a relationship with Y feel, Z ship--and I’m working on combining all of those into a narrative. Or, as another example, I currently have a vague desire to write something with a Slow Summer Vibe but I have no idea what it will be about or who will be in it.

But again, it’s often “I want to write an angsty Jonty AU” or “hmm what about a Bravenlarke fic particularly about being in a poly relationship” or “this song makes me picture Bellarke at the beach; let’s write that��--ideas that essentially capture both character and plot at once.

I don’t know if I’m doing a good job of describing this but I write so much for challenges and events that I don’t have a huge pool of data for ‘spontaneous ideas’ to analyze.

*

Day 40: How do you start a new story?

I feel like I kind of already answered this in the last question. The very first step is an Idea, obviously. That would either come, in part, from the challenge or event I’m participating in or the request I’m filling, or it arrives by itself from some bit of inspiration: a song, a thought about a certain character or relationship, a mood I’m feeling and want to capture, etc.

But I feel like this question is about what happens with the idea.

Most (though not all) of the time, I start with a process of brainstorming and outlining. I’ve talked about this elsewhere, but I start by just sitting down with a notebook and writing down my thoughts, in a conversational style--basically like these posts. I write down any images I have, any plot points that have already come to me, etc. Everything I know. Then I brainstorm some more elements, filling in all the stuff I don’t know. Then I distill the plot down to discrete plot points: an outline of the whole fic in order. What needs to happen and in what order? The outline is generally organized by scene, though it’s flexible: sometimes scenes can be combined; sometimes they need to be split. Sometimes I need to re-evaluate the outline later, but most stories are simple enough that this initial outline works for the whole writing process.

I always write in order. I cannot write out of order. I need to immerse myself in the narrative and that means that events follow logically from each other. Also, sometimes what I come up with in the moment in scene 1 can change what I want to happen in scene 5--not so drastically that I’m re-writing the outline, but drastically enough that I would have to rewrite scene 5 if it were already done. That’s too complicated for me. I think there are probably advantages, in terms of amount of fun to be had, as well as in capturing ideas before they disappear from your brain, in writing scenes as the spirit moves you rather than in order, but I just can’t do it. That’s not how my mind works.

In order to start a fic, or even a new scene, I need to know HOW it starts and some idea of how I will describe that opening image/event/whatever. I often practice this for days before I actually write. For example, I’m going to write another Sleeping Beauty scene soon and I know it starts with Clarke hearing conversation behind her, so I’ve been practicing what that dialogue might be and how I might describe her listening while looking at something else. When I have a strong sense of the opening and a decent sense of the rest--what needs to happen to move along the plot--I just start writing. I do most of my writing as sprints.

Sometimes I write without an outline, and it’s basically the same process as the last paragraph, except I only have the opening and a vague sense of what’s to come. I don’t do that often anymore. But I started a couple outline-less fics last summer when I was just desperate to break my block and didn’t really feel like planning and stuff. I just wanted to get words on a page. Thus I have a couple WIPs that are about 1,200 words long and then just abruptly reach a cliff’s edge and stop!! I don’t know if I’ll outline or not before I return to them but right now I’m thinking not.

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 35

ooooh baby functionist universe time

the cover with the neon ‘everything is fine’ sign is rlly good but also the pile of dead data stick bots makes me so sad omg noooo they're so cute leave them alone :( 

minimus and rewind...! its so cool seeing them interact

also I just love the crowd shot, and you can immediately see that there are a ton of data stick bots like rewind around - which isn't what we’re used to at all

also some good ole totalitarian govt stuff like the ‘you are our eyes’ sign (which, in retrospect, is fucking evil damnnnn)

also I'm so [eyezoom] on this functionist universe stuff bc like, this is basically the only time we ever see dominus be a character (rather than hearing abt him thru other characters), and even so he remains pretty ambiguous 

like, minimus clearly isn't thrilled that dominus didn't show up to see him at the space airport or w/e when they've been apart for two million years - and even tho we later see why he didn't show up, it still shows that there's some tension there

the amount of crowd shots in this issue is insane 

oooof, the fact that they sold luna 2 - and to the black box consortia, who we just heard about last chapter when they previously got into a space battle w/the galactic council and the djd

fu!minimus being part of the primal vanguard is interesting, I wanna see more about that. what was he doing w/them for 2 million years?

rewind just casually saying this completely fucked stuff, like that the govt ‘outlawed the intellectual class’ and ‘deported the knock-offs’ (which I'm assuming is cold constructed bots?)

I really like the sense we get thru minimus and rewind’s convo that all of this fucked up stuff has happened slowly enough that its become almost normal - like, they talk about it casually, even though its clear they don't necessarily agree with any of it 

plus the sense of ‘even if things get really bad ill be okay’ that both rewind and minimus seem to adhere to - rewind having been upgraded from being in the disposable class due to his connection w/dominus, and minimus saying ‘I like to think that obsolescence is something that happens to other people’ 

I love all the fucked up signage this issue. ‘take pride in being a means to an end,’ yikes

god and the fact that there isn't MORE data sticks, there's just LESS of other alt modes bc of how many alt modes the govt has wiped out completely...

oof, and continuing the whole ‘slow change’ thing - minimus saying that ‘the council never touches the astro class,’ and maybe that used to be true, but the govt will keep pushing that line, clearly...

and we get to see minimus’s alt mode! altho we the readers know that this isn't minimus’s true form...

‘amazing, the lengths some people will go to cross class boundaries,’ minimus says, as if he isn't doing exactly what rewinds describing, but even moreso as a loadbearer wearing an entire suit of armor

and then the casual public execution of the last lunabot...oof.

love the ‘cybertron. the present day’ text overlay...I was so confused about this when I first read it lmao. I figured it had to be some sort of au/quantum nonsense but STILL

back on the lost light, chromedome is going full kool-aid man on rewinds door

mannnnn I absolutely love the plotline of rewind 2 and chromedome 1...im so glad the story acknowledges that they ARE different, they did experience different stuff on their own lost lights, and rewind 2 being a quantum duplicate doesn't mean he had the same experiences as rewind 1...

and I love so much that chromedome just Doesn't Get It, bc of course he wouldn't - he’s too relieved that rewind is back to even consider that its not quite the same, that the rewind he was forced to blow up is still dead (which is a fucked up thought, so of course chromedome, the master of pushing the past away and moving right along, would want to avoid thinking about that in favor of continuing his relationship w/rewind 2)

it also makes a lot of sense that rewind, who records everything and puts a huge emphasis on history/the past, would be hyperaware of all the differences between him and rewind 1, and his chromedome and this chromedome

AUGHHHH and chromedome referring to an offer he made to rewind that was pretty clearly ‘if your memories of the djd slaughter are too much, I can remove them for you’ ooooof...I love these two so much, like...their absolute opposite approaches to trauma is fascinating

oooh mannnnn and then rewind starts ‘remembering’ stuff from the functionist universe...the plot thickens...!

I really like how one of the main ‘things’ in a lot of tf universes is energon/energy shortages, its interesting when the angle is kinda like, ‘energon is a finite resource and the methods to obtain more often involve destroying other planets,’ that's a pretty unique, alien problem for the tfs to have

it also makes sense that the functionists would form partially in response to that (perceived) shortage, and any sort of scarcity would push them further into their extremist views

I like how expressive the characters with visors are...its cute...

poor rewind has to go thru So Much

WHY can just anyone go into the morgue and touch the dead bodies. I mean I guess megatron being one of the captains explains why he’s in there, but that still shouldn't be allowed 

‘megatron mountain’ vhbjdkshfbjskfbhhk that's so fucking funnyyyyy I love rodimus....I quote that line a lot, especially when watching g1 lmao

the fact that swerve diluting his engex bc he’s a cheapskate saved everyone's s lives is amazing lmao

also like...damn brainstorm sure tried to murder Literally Everyone huh. like I guess the logic would be that if he succeeded in changing the past it wouldn't matter that they had died there cause the timeline wouldn't exist, but STILL. I guess that shows how confident brainstorm was in his plan

it makes so much sense somehow that rung doesn't drink. and we’ve seen firsthand why magnus doesn't lol

mannnn that panel of brainstorm shooting magnus with some wacky beam and causing the magnus armor to fall off in vehicle mode...Super Cool, just peak mad scientist vibes there

ok but if minimus switches to alt mode when ultra magnus does - as we see here, where minesweeper-minimus is inside big-ole-car-magnus - does that mean that inside the minesweeper is turbofox-minimus?? I want to seeeee

ghsdufjkbvksadfbhjs the panels of rodimus telling megatron that brainstorm time travelled are so fucking funny

and megatrons rant about how absolutely bonkers the lost light is....hvbhjdskfbasjh that's so funny oh my god. like yeah dude you're right and you gotta roll w/it sorry 

'on this ship, a minor breakdown is practically a rite of passage’ vbjdsnfbkasdfn its true and I love it

goddddddd it kills me how at this point in the story its So Obvious to everyone that brainstorm travelled back in time to do evil decepticon double agent stuff - and we as the reader can even buy that bc brainstorm has been so sketchy until now, and nothing he’s done contradicts what rodimus suggests - but it turns out in the end, it was all just for love. AUGHHHHHHHH its about the LOVE!!!! that's why I love this arc so much.

back in the functionist universe - god I cant believe rewind waited until Now to reveal to minimus that dominus has a tv face...like I get that that's a difficult topic to bring up in conversation but like, a little sooner might've been good hbvhjkdhnfbjaksl

oh man it hurts...rewind saying that they're in a ‘blind spot...’ oh man :(

rebel rewind, tho!! I love it sm

oh man and rewind never even broke the news about dominus to minimus oof. that's a tough reveal 

MANNN I really like the whole ‘flathead’ thing, its so awful and brutal. its such a logical extension of empurata, and as dominus says, once people get used to seeing empurata’d bots, it loses its punch...and the flatheads thing is even more invasive 

and writing wise, both empurata and the tv-heads are such good devices to show evil govt bs. I talk abt it a lot but I like all the ways jro gets creative with the ‘alien robots’ thing; a lot of these concepts wouldn't work at all with humans or other organic aliens

GODDD and dominus’s chilling speech being interrupted by the functionist propaganda....fucking horrifying I love it

also seeing dominus here is fascinating - clearly the council managed to pin him down enough to turn him into a flathead, but they never discovered his true alt mode...same with minimus, actually 

the cog is so fucking ominous. just floating there...

and the council is scary too! their names, and the fact that they all look the same...seems about right for an evil alien governing body

mannnnnnn and then the reveal that the data slug alt-modes will be ‘recalled’ next...rewind noooooo...and the one council guy even admitted that they still served some purpose in society, BUT that their ability to mass store data made them dangerous to the goverment...evil!!

meanwhile, rodimus doesn't know enough about science to be appropriately frightened about their timeline being wiped from existence, so he’s having a grand ole time

‘no one’s nodding, perceptor’ bvhjdbfasdfhbk their expressions....the lost light command crew are all clearly team ‘leave the science to the scientists’ lmao

I do love the paradox stuff, and brainstorm’s way around it all 

‘so I'm not allowed to take an interest in magic?’ hvbjhsdkfbjhkdf ily sm rodimus

but also like....rodimus suggests a parallel universe could've formed and perceptor is like ‘no way, that's not scientifically possible,’ as if brainstorm didn't basically defy science by time travelling at all...and more to the point, functionist cybertron DID get created, so rodimus was actually RIGHT this time

love that we’re already seeing perceptor’s admiration for brainstorm and his invention even here....sapiosexual mfer

a time travel chase....so beautiful...I love sci-fi so much

seriously time travel is one of my favorite tropes ever, this arc was inevitably gonna be my fav 

‘he’s going to kill orion pax.’ DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN

meanwhile, on functionist cybertron...aw, is that bulkhead? great cameo! oh wait what's going on with all the data sticks...? uh oh!

the fact that their heads just EXPLODE....soooo fucked!! 

god and then the council picks up their dead bodies, for...probably something evil, I’d assume

god and then dominus got even more fucked....

‘there are certain words you cant afford to lose’ ;_; REWIND....GODDD IM SAD 

GOD GOD GOD the reveal that minimus has CAMERAS in his EYES GODDDDDDDDDDDD that's so FUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and rewinds reaction...ME TOO BITCH TF!!!!!!

all the ‘you are our eyes’ messages are even worse now huh!!

they did it while minimus was asleep...that's so fuckedddd

FUCKKKK and then rewind’s impassioned rebel speech, which I adore.....rewind ily sm...he’s such a good revolutionary, I wish we could've seen him leading an anti-funtionist rebellion....BUT THEN ‘oh? what about the back up?’ and its just like HHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and then his head starts smoking and we see another billboard, but this time it says ‘WE are your eyes’ - is the implication that everyone is now a surveilling spy, whether they like it or now, so now it’s ‘we?’ like, we’re all in it together, spying on each other! ooooof

also. this is like the third time rewind has died on-screen in this series lmao (well, if you count the fake-out death where he thought he’d be cancelled out during slaughterhouse)...he ALMOST died in issue 12 too....poor rewind

‘the custom-made now’ is such a great title. jro always killin it w/the titles

plus ‘elegant chaos’ is such a cool arc name. fucking epic 

M A N NNNNNNNN THIS ISSUE WAS BALLER...this ARC is baller....I talked a lot hvbhdjkhfndsak lmao but there's so much to talk abt!!! I love the look into the functionist universe, I love seeing alternate versions of characters and settings so much, and I love time travel, so this issue is basically made for me

plus I fuckign love alien robot politics and seeing the absolute control the govt has over cybertronian society in the functionist universe is fascinating - plus from a storytelling standpoint, I think it was brilliant to show the ‘other side,’ aka what things would've been like without the war...which is something ill talk about later when its more directly addressed in the story but man do I enjoy that 

basically I love this arccccc I cant wait to read more hhhhhhh

[thrushpot]

Five and Nine dearie! ;)

since you asked about all my stories, I have around 13-ish so this is basically a giant commentary for everything:)🤘🏼😃

hidden in plain sight

what part was hardest to write?

The fucking letters, jesus christ. I thought, ‘hey, wouldnt it be fun to have Billy’s point of view with him reading what she admires about him and make it super lovey dovey and sweet?’ and I almost gave up so many times cause fuck it was hard. Took over a week with switching the wording around and finding what flowed best. Also finding what didn’t sound creepy.

were there alternate versions to this fic?

Nah, I mean I could’ve had their places switch, where he’s the one that writes to her... but I loved writing him feel all blushy and giddy over someone thinking of him like that.

look what you’ve done

what part was hardest to write?

After the fight and the ignoring and all that pent up anger being released, there was an awkward moment with all this tension between the two in her room - that was challenging for sure. Cause he was being a piece of shit and he himself knew it, she knew it, everybody knew it. But what took some thinking was to be able to show the guy he was before the fight and his insecurities getting the best of him.

were there alternate versions of this fic?

I dabbled with a lot of reasons why they’d fight, but Billy as a person is just sensitive and insecure and him seeing something like that, no matter how innocent or short the exchange could’ve been in reality with her and some nameless stranger could still set him off and trigger the monster he’s got hidden inside. I can’t remember other scenarios I had thought of but that one stuck to me.

sixteen

what part was hardest to write?

The relationship felt natural, like I could hear all the conversations they’ve had and seen everything they’d done together, I really really liked that dynamic but one stupid small part that killed me was writing the douchey boyfriend lol. Ultimately it’s such an insignificant part, so I scrapped any further drama with him and his deal because the story wasn’t supposed to be about him; it was supposed to be about her and Billy, their past, how it affected them both when they saw each other again after so long.

were there alternate versions of this fic?

None actually! I had it in my mind right off the bat that I wanted him to be nervous and caught off guard for once. like I said in the commentary for this, I know his personality, I know he’s quite used to thinking/believing he’s the most powerful in the room but I wanted that to change for this instance, and I strayed away from having him be untouchable or macho in any way.

whipped

what part was hardest to write?

THE KIDS. I’ve never ever written them before, and I even debated watching a few episodes before tackling it.... but I didn’t and I think I pulled it off alright. I loved their humor. I knew Dustin was always being a paranoid goofball, Lucas as the same without all the anxiety or nerdy interests, Mike as impatient and pessimistic, and Will as being very quiet. So yeah, I overcame that doubt and just did what I thought felt right.

were there alternate versions to this fic?

I thought a lot about what movie they’d watch - like a rom com would’ve been pretty funny too, but I had to have him tease and scare the kids so I made their movie of the night thing be Nightmare on Elm Street😂

punch-drunk love

what was the hardest part to write?

A lot of this flowed easy and generally wasn’t stressful at all. Describing him as a fun drunk was a blast. Thinking of what he would he say if he had no filter and felt on top of the world. I can’t think of anything that I was held back by this time, it all came out in just a couple hours when I should’ve been sleeping lol.

were there alternate versions to this fic?

When I was brainstorming by myself I thought it would just be more smutty and desperate or even a little more sad. I had it planned that she’d reject him initially, but then I got an ask that changed the game and I’m really proud of how it turned out.

naive

what part was hardest to write?

I hardly went over it or stressed much other than tweaking a few details, but plot was pretty self explanatory - I think the most difficult part to write was all the possible ways there could’ve been scenarios where he could’ve mislead her

were there any alternate versions of this fic?

I almost wanted to write them in class but thought him on lifeguard duty would’ve been more engaging and had a lot more to go off of

old habits die hard

what part was hardest to write?

Literally everything. every. single. PART about writing people have sex is challenging, omg. Foreplay....down to kissing.....then down to actually fucking, I got red the whole time. Especially after posting it I’d almost pissed myself ‘cause it’s so nerve wracking putting smut out there holy christ.

were there alternate versions to this fic?

I wanted to get into their marriage and relationship but.... tbh I thought everyone would just skip it and get to the good stuff. So yeah there was probably an almost started version on my phone where I had backstory on how he proposed and all but thought no one would care too much lol.

obstacle 1

what part was hardest to write?

Hurt/comfort is a little challenging when you wanna do it differently. I wanted to sway away from her being this perfect female caregiver that knows exactly what to say and what to do cause that’s just so hard to picture when it comes to real life and all, not that I’m mixing fiction and life it’s just sometimes hard to believe that every girl is perfect at taking care of a guy breaking down.

were there alternate versions to this fic?

Nothing too different, I reasoned in my head how he’d get into trouble cause there are infinite ways Billy could’ve fucked up but.... stealing chocolate is pretty funny and juvenile, and he knew it too, but he’d absolutely still get his ass whooped anyway.

playing hooky

what part was hardest to write?

I found it hard to know what they’d do after she got blasted, cause.....what would two teenagers do in a small town skipping school? Also easily taking personal experience for her snapping and getting tired of her careful image cause everybody had these impossibly high expectations for her, but what they’d get up to doing that was ‘illegal’ that they could get arrested for took some time to think about.

were there alternate versions to this fic?

At first I pictured them maybe like breaking in somewhere they weren’t supposed to, hence the ‘we could get arrested’ line, but skinny dipping was my favorite pitch.

thick as thieves

what part was hardest to write?

The ending gave me a tough time, I had to think whether or not if I’d forgive someone for doing that shit to me. It’s happened before, to everybody and myself, the pains of drifting apart and the jealousy that comes with seeing them blossom and become social butterflies, the joys of being in high school... Oh and I’m still working on another part:)

were there alternate versions of this fic?

I dabbled with lots of ideas but I knew I wanted two friends growing apart, a push/pull between their relationship...I don’t remember what else I had planned that I ditched.

the craft (1996)

what part was hardest to write?

Maybe the love spell part. I wanted to write it as severe and dramatic as possible, and really show how desperate and gone he was.

were there alternate versions to this fic?

Hmm, I based this off the film and it does show a lot more about the girl group besides the love spell bit, but I wanted it to focus on that cause it was more interesting fucking with Billy. I liked how dark both the movie and the fic was

in utero

what part was hardest to write?

My obstacle with this one was creating this female Billy in my head, which to me was basically a flawed, outrageous, outgoing/promiscuous high school girl who makes a mistake. Writing him pining was definitely enjoyable, and him practicing his lines on how he’d say how he felt and stuff. The wording was switched around a ton, but I’m fairly happy with it. It’s not perfect, he stutters and trails off because he’s nervous, but in it’s own way I think it’s a perfect display of an insecure guy summoning up any courage he has and trying to shoo away any doubt.

were there alternate versions to this fic?

Oh man, tons of ideas came to my head with this one. I wondered if maybe she could’ve never gotten ‘rid’ of ‘it’ and then they run off in the sunset, raise ‘it’ together.... Billy maturing and finding a home with their own family. BUT the reason I chose the path she took was because she’s just a kid, fresh from high school, had no idea what she was gonna do with no money other than visit her best friend. I think she knew she didn’t want it and couldn’t stand the guy who put her in this position, so she ran.

— so there it all is, kudos to you if you actually read this far down and to anyone who has reblogged or commented on any of these.... THANKYOU🖤🥰✨

And especially thanks to Haiden cause you’re the best

[artificialqueens]

falling in love in a coffee shop (branije) - melody

A/N: This is set in the same verse as my Scyvie fic “chemistry”, you may read it if you want to be into this fic’s universe, but isn’t required, just funny things that connect to each other! I’m planning to write one more fic to this verse so stay turned lol. I would like to thank @ artificialmeggie for beta reading <3 she’s an amazing beta and I’d probably die without her, also to all members of the writers positivity group chat who brainstormed with me and kept me going to write this. I love you all hit me up in aquariasbaby if you just wanna chat or whatever! These blogs (?) are always open (as in “this house is always open” lol)

Double dates weren’t exactly Vanessa’s kind of go-to on a Saturday afternoon - when college finally gave her a break - but she wasn’t on one anyways: to make life even harder, it was a triple date, which she wasn’t included. The brown eyed girl only was there for pity of her friends, because they insisted she should come. She barely knew the other couples there.

She was friends with Ariel and knew her new girlfriend Patricia - who everyone called ‘’Plastique’’ for some reason, the nickname just stuck -, she knew Scarlet because she was friends with Ariel now. Scarlet brought her girlfriend Yvie, who Vanessa knew by sight and by the nickname everyone called her for being so odd - Yvie Oddly. Yvie brought her friend Adore - from another college - and Adore called her girlfriend, Vanessa didn’t have idea of who she was, but knew that she was late because as Adore said ‘’she is a very busy woman’’.

As far as she knew, Scarlet and Ariel weren’t exactly friends in the start because she saw her friend mocking the brown-haired girl multiple times and talking about her behind her back. She was a fake to multiple people. But not to Vanessa, they basically were best friends since middle school: did high school together, went to the same college… She knew deep inside she was soft, even if she acted like a bitch with people.

The bomb came when Scarlet confronted Ariel, somebody confronted Ariel Versace for the first time in probably her whole life. Suddenly, Ariel started to try changing, and in some weeks she wasn’t all alone like it used to be - only Ariel and Vanije, sitting in the back table of an empty coffee shop, because she was the only person capable of tolerating the kind of stuff Ariel did to people. Now there was a new Ariel, sitting with Scarlet, Plastique, and two strangers.

These strangers seemed pretty friendly, and Vanessa enjoyed their company - it wasn’t hard for her to like someone, she was a very sociable person - a social butterfly - and talking to people always was a joy to her. For her luck Adore’s girlfriend haven’t arrived, so she was sharing the uncomfortability of third-wheeling with her. They were sat at a table for ten people, but still she could see that Scarlet and Yvie couldn’t be one foot apart, and Plastique was almost on Ariel’s lap.

Being single sucked. Vanessa hated it with all her guts. She was always the bubbly, friendly, funny girl, who had a strong personality and made everyone happy. But she couldn’t stand the fact that she was seeing so many happy couples, and all she wanted was a girl to ignore that there were plenty space available for sitting. She saw Yvie and Scarlet being cute, and Ariel and Plastique being… Explicit - while Ariel was a wild card, Plastique was all shy and reserved. But her red cheeks revealed that Ariel’s teasing had an impact on her. It made her curse herself for accepting to hang out with them.

‘’Ew you two, get a room,’’ Adore complained, now completely distracted on her phone. ‘’This is a public space, why can’t you two be like Scarlet and Yvie? They are pretty adequate,’’ she mocked, imitating someone Vanessa didn’t really catch who.

‘’I see you mocking your girlfriend, she will come to your ass,’’ Yvie replied ‘’but Miss Gay Regina George and Miss Plastic is Fantastic are truly something else. We can see where your hand is Ariel.’’

‘’Well, I feel like I’m the Ariel of our relationship…’’ Scarlet confessed, and everyone gasped.

‘’Oh my god, baby, don’t reveal it here!’’

‘’Wait, does Scarlet top? Bitch, no way, she is a whiny bottom.’’

‘’Ariel, my bitch, I’m a verse. That’s why I’m highly above you, because tops are not smart as verses because we see all the sides.’’

‘’I like my top!’’ Plastique complained, finally saying something.

‘’Thanks, babe’’

‘’Baby’’, ‘’babe’’, and all those pet names made Vanessa bow down, and not pay attention to the rest of the heated discussion between the girls. Not even Adore was giving her attention now, since she was texting her girlfriend. She was alone, even if she loved being around people, she was alone: she just wanted to leave that table. She didn’t feel welcome there.

To make things worse, Adore’s mysterious girlfriend finally arrived. It was Bianca Del Rio, her damn professor; the same woman she cursed with a bunch of students every day for being so harsh on them, the same woman feared. But there, she seemed weirdly friendly, like a tough mom. But even if Adore was ‘’the Ariel of the relationship’’ - it fully became an internal joke between the group - wanting to be explicit with Bianca, her girlfriend was the most posh and polite person Vanessa had ever seen. So she just rested her head on the older woman’s shoulder, pouting.

‘’Since I’m here to take care of all of you kids, did you order?’’

Everyone sat in silence.

Bianca raised one eyebrow angrily. ‘’How all of you are here for about thirty minutes and didn’t order? Do I have to make everything in this house?’’

‘’We were going to… But your sugar baby insisted on waiting for you,’’ Ariel bitched. Everyone looked at her in an ugly way because she offended Adore. The girl quickly apologized. Vanessa knew she still had her faults.

‘’Aw that’s so sweet… Adore, you seem like a great girlfriend,’’ Plastique addressed to break the awkward silence.

‘’She really is… I’m very lucky,’’ Bianca smiled, kissing her girlfriend on the cheek.

Plastique was truly a blessing in Ariel’s life. They always flirted, but Ariel was too negative, so Plastique was never sure it was meant to be. Until the day she decided to change, and things flourished to her - including Plastique who was proud of her effort to become a better person, and that awakened all the feelings they had for each other and that were always killed by Ariel’s negativity. She saw something good inside her, it was so lovely how they looked out for each other… Suddenly the sadness of being single came to Vanessa’s core again.

Vanessa was tired of being bored and of being sad. Of watching that happy couples and not knowing what to do. While they had a heated discussion about what to drink, Vanessa simply said ‘’lime refresher’’ and kept looking at her Instagram feed in complete boredom. Until something was more interesting than all those Instagram girls wearing trendy clothes, somebody to be more exact.

She was tall, and gracious like a swan. Different from the other baristas, she moved with grace, while all of them were grumpy, or clumsy. Blonde, with her pretty bright hair tied in a messy bun. Her eyes were blue as the ice, but the kind smile she had on her face could melt it easily. It was pathetic that Vanessa and her single sadness made her heart beat for the first pretty girl she saw. But that wasn’t just a pretty girl, she was everything.

‘’I think I’m going to take the orders for us,’’ Vanessa mumbled, staring at the woman without even realizing her friends looked her with a tendentious smile, Ariel; especially Ariel.

‘’No way, Vanije, you’re lazy as shit,’’ Ariel provoked, using Vanessa’s middle name: the way to get her angry; ‘’I bet you want to bang the cute barista looking at you right now.’’

Ariel was indeed mocking her, but it was true: that cute girl looked at her, she looked at her, she was looking at her. And only Ariel’s jokes could make her red for hours, but the warm stare of the blonde and her ice blue eyes made her blush harder - her face looked like a tomato.

To make her red as all the tomatoes in New York, she smiled at Vanessa, her smile was so perfect like one of those smiles in a toothpaste commercial - too pretty to be real. It was too good to be true, she was too pretty to be real. Vanessa smiled to her back to see what happened. Well, that was true: the girl hid her face in her hands and giggled a little bit, making her customers slightly confused. Vanessa was good at flirting, but with that girl she was an useless lesbian.

‘’Are you going or not?’’ Scarlet grunted, cutting off Vanije’s fantasies and stolen smiles. ‘’We are thirsty.’’

‘’Oh hoe, I know you are thirsty for another thing…’’ Adore joked. ‘’She’s right in your side so you don’t need Vanije to bring you your sweet Yvie-Yvie’’. She said the pet name in a tone of mocking and disdain.

Scarlet always called her girlfriend ‘’Yvie-vie’’ in a childish cute voice. It was her favorite pet name to give Yvie. So pure, so genuine. It was such a shame her friends heard it, and now it was one of the multiple group jokes: and Scarlet did not appreciate people mocking her girlfriend.

The brown-haired girl had anger in her face: ‘’If you make fun of my Yvie-Yvie again I’ll fucking cut you with this…’’ She looked on the table for some threatening object ‘’…spoon’’. It was clear she didn’t find one.

Vanessa ignored the heated discussion, and just like Plastique on her phone - avoiding the childish fights that happened in that table at least five times since they arrived - she got distracted. Her brown eyes looked for the same blue ones as before, but now she couldn’t find eyes like that: there were brown, green, black, and even other blue eyes - but never that perfect pair she saw before.

She disappeared, and suddenly Vanije didn’t want to drag herself to the bar and ask for the drinks.

But she had to, it was her duty as the good friend she was.

[…]

In all the days since that disasterrific quadruple date in which  she wasn’t included, Vanije hung out alone. A rare event, not because her friends were chaos - honestly, their chaos matched hers, that was why she loved them - but because her heart spoke louder. In every single day, the only face present in her mind was that barista’s face, the only eyes, the only smile… She wanted to make her smile again, over and over.

It was dumb, a first sight crush. She knew it, but her life was so monotone before her: she went to college, hung out with her friends after - always being the funny company and/or comic relief, and went back to her lonely flat to watch Netflix and eat crap. It was a vicious circle. Now, somehow after college she spent all her days in the coffee shop. In that seven days, she tasted new drinks she never even thought about asking with her friends, saw new people, worked in her projects, listened to new music… Smiled, laughed, lived.

She wasn’t doing that for a hopeless stranger at all, it was just a escape from her cycle, a new secret world that was all hers. Of course she wanted that pretty girl to be part of it, but she was the reason for her life having some kind of meaning again.

Monday was messy. Ariel asked her help with a formal outfit. She was going to meet Mrs. and Mr. Edwards, Plastique’s parents; they were very wealthy, and their daughter was the little princess of the family - that’s why Ariel had to be perfect. She really liked her and Vanessa knew losing her would be a disaster on her life.

After spending some hours in Ariel’s apartment, helping the crying lilac-haired girl to put herself together because apparently her dresses were ‘’too slutty’’ for Patricia Edwards and her perfect family - she got to leave her friend. They found a nice dress -a white turtleneck that suited Ariel’s fashion vibe pretty well. Now she got her friend in a stable state and was ready to go to her destiny.

It was night; she didn’t knew if that was her shift. Probably now, she was going there for nothing and her face would break into a million of pieces. But Vanessa took her deepest breath before passing through that door with the bravery of a soldier. Her Doc Martens echoed on the recently clean floor, and the place wasn’t as crowded as it usually was.

Hopeless, she sat in the bar looking for Ariel’s contact in her phone, and declare complete defeat. Everything changed when the barista turned to her: she finally found those eyes.

‘’Brooke Lynn’’ Vanessa her badge. Vanessa wondered what was the last name, and her silly brain already started to think if it would match with hers.

‘’Welcome to Starbucks, how can I help you?’’ She smiled, and it was supposed to be said in a robotic voice - but Brooke’s voice had nothing of robotic on it.

‘’A-a cool l-lime refresher, please,’’ Vanije shuttered, words were fake in that moment.

‘’Oh, the same as yesterday?’’ She bit her lip; it was like they had known each other for ages.

Wait, how did she know?

‘’Yeah but… How do you know that?’’

‘’I made your order, you just didn’t see me’’

Damn, she probably was hiding from Vanessa. She looked away sadly but her face lift up as the blonde spoke again:

‘’I wanted you to… The place was crowded.’’

A mix of relief and doubt were on Vanessa’s face: ‘’Oh!’’

‘’I’m Brooke Lynn Hytes, but honestly, please just call me Brooke,’’ she said, rushing to prepare Vanessa’s drink in one of the big machines behind the bar.

Vanije watched her carefully prepare the drink even while talking, she was so gracious.

‘’I know,’’ Vanessa laughed ‘’I’m Vanessa Vanije Mateo, but just Vanessa. My friends call me Vanije.’’

‘’Oh, your friends.’’ She laughed. Her friends weren’t the kind of people that were hard to be noticed ‘’Would it be a problem if I called you Vanije?’’

Ariel or whatever person calling her that as a joke would be, but that deadly pretty girl only being genuine and ridiculously cute truly was not.

‘’N-no, it wouldn’t’’

Her phone beeped, it was Ariel in tears: Versace on the floor 🌈💕:  I can’t do this, I’m not going.

Vanessa visualized the message, if the urge to help her friend wasn’t so big she would stop and laugh about how she saved her number. ‘ ’Versace on the floor’’ , because of her ironic last name and the way she always fell when she wore her first pair of heels. The nowadays fierce bitch Ariel who walks on heels like nobody else would laugh at clumsy teenager Ariel struggling to get anywhere besides the floor. It was funny to think about that, and how it stuck all over the years as an internal joke, to think about Ariel as human as only Vanessa knew.

And now she was broken.  Me:  Bitch, put yourself together! I’ll be there in a minute, I love you

Her phone beeped again.

Plastique ✨  Hi Vanessa, can you please talk to Ariel? Tell her I’m worried, and that I love her very much. Tell her my fucking parents aren’t anything compared to our love, tell her to not give up on me…

She sighed. Even if she really wanted to stay, talk with Brooke and even flirt a little bit if her dumb heart stopped beating so hard, she had to go. Vanessa always put everything above herself, it was a habit, a bad habit.  The habit had to continue, at least for that night. She grabbed her drink, paid, said a quick goodbye to her now-named crush and rushed to the door. Now their eyes were away again, for Vanije’s sadness she gave her no explanation, and wanted more than just a few awkward words.

‘’I need to go. I gotta, I’m…’’ Vanessa sighed. ‘’I have to go, sorry it’s my friend.’’

But her friend was in tears, and Ariel’s tears were equal to a thunderstorm: heavy, and turbulent, they could make a lot of planets shake. She was worried about her, very worried. Friendship above, at all costs. She just wished her friends could do the same for her.

After turbulent Monday, Tuesday felt better.

To start, still on Monday Vanessa could solve Ariel’s problem and stop the thunderstorm. She was scared of Plastique’s parents, because they didn’t know their daughter was a lesbian. Ariel was considered an unisex name, so turns out Plastique’s parents thought Ariel was a boy, and that night would be hard for both Plastique and Ariel. And she was scared of course, who wouldn’t be? But Vanije made her mind, told her everything was going to be okay because they loved each other.

Ariel cleaned her tears, and hid the fact she cried her heart out with a ton of makeup, and the gorgeous dress and her big fluffy lilac hair. She was ready, like a bird learning to fly. And that flight must be good, because she hasn’t heard of her still.

Now, on Tuesday she didn’t talk her friends at college: Plastique and Ariel didn’t attend, she hadn’t see Scarlet or Yvie but knew they were there - Yvie’s laugh was so loud that anybody could hear that along the institute - Miss Del Rio that apparently was her friend now - she didn’t had a class from her on that day - not even Adore waiting for her girlfriend and Yvie outside FIT.

On that day, she was free. She loved her friends, but she felt more like herself when she was alone. With people she was the comic relief, the nice friend. Alone she could be whoever she wanted to - no one would judge her, no one would unfriend her.

And back to the coffee shop after a short afternoon working on some project for college. She was excited to see Brooke again, and almost ran to the nearest Starbucks when the clock indicated it was time to go. Brooke was there,always being very gracious and beautiful. Vanessa was mesmerized. She could play the same scene of the blonde making the beverages over and over, and never get tired of it.

All happy and bubbly, Vanije went to the bar and rooted for Brooke to realize she was there. And she did, because her eyes met Vanije’s again, and she said the same robotic sentence all the baristas say but with a sweet tone - a human tone:

‘’Welcome to Starbucks. How can I help you?’’

Vanessa stopped and put a finger on her lips to think: she didn’t know what she was going to order. Brooke said she always ordered the same stuff, so no cool lime refresher for her on that day. She looked at the menu, analyzing the interesting and alegoric options that very popular coffee shop offered her.

‘’A-a chocolate Frappuccino, please,’’ she shuttered.

Brooke laughed and went back to the serious polite customer/barista relationship. ‘’Hmmmm, what’s your name?’’

‘’You know it.’’ Vanessa didn’t care about seriousness, or being polite.

And when she got her drink back, the name written on it was ‘’Vanije’’ with a tiny heart and a smiley face on the side.

That girl would be her end.

But that day she didn’t leave the coffee shop at all, even if she didn’t get to talk to Brooke. She sat on a table and noticed a lot of strangers, immersed in their own worlds: a girl with headphones singing along a Lana Del Rey song, holding hands with a girl that seemed to be her age - Brooke recognized they were teenagers, and girlfriends, which brought her a strange nostalgic feeling; a guy and his friends celebrating something, something beautiful and important; a woman on her laptop. She had this intellectual air that made Vanessa think she was a writer - she looked so focused, so passionate about what she was doing…

That atmosphere replete of smiles, coziness and moments made Vanessa lose Brooke - and her time too, since she had to go back to FIT so she could keep working on the project. Her eyes couldn’t stop trying find her, but she gave up, drinking the cold beverage while she almost ran in New York’s streets to be on time to still catch her teacher there so he could help her.

And it was like that on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday - quick stops at Starbucks, where she rarely saw Brooke, but had an exceptional time with herself. But on Saturday, she still haven’t heard any news from Ariel or Plastique besides short messages where they both told they were okay, and just taking a little time for themselves. She didn’t waited for Scarlet to ask her if she wanted to grab a cup of coffee - without Yvie this time, weirdly, they seemed to be united by an invisible and powerful glue - but anything to see Brooke again. At least she wouldn’t look pathetic going there alone again.

Brooke was there, damn she was there. And surprisingly, the coffee shop was too empty for a Saturday - where it would be crowded, so she didn’t expect to get Brooke’s attention, but she did.

All throughout the week she had ordered the craziest drinks, but she missed her refresher, so when it was her time and the blonde girl smiled to her saying the classic ‘’How can I help you?’’ phrase, she laughed.

‘’What’s so funny?’’ Brooke smirked, confused.

‘’I ordered crazy drinks all over the week, but I miss my refresher!’’

‘’Oh, bold girl is not so bold right now…’’ She blinked ‘’Okay, cool lime refresher. What’s your name?’’

Vanije knew the question was a sort of internal joke between them.

‘’The love of your life,’’ she flirted. An aspect of her personality was that Vanessa was very bold, with no shadow of doubt.

‘’Oh, bold girl is back.’’ She blinked.

Scarlet ordered a cappuccino, classy and simple - just as her. The girl had been quiet since they arrived, but once they sat at a table, she started to babble. She babbled about how Yvie was deep into this dress project, and didn’t pay any attention for her. A couple like Yvie and Scarlet almost never had issues, and that wasn’t a big thing - Scarlet was just a drama queen, and a girl in love missing her girlfriend.

It was tough to have to solve all her friends problems, instead on focusing on her own.

But she knew Yvie was doing a dress for Scarlet, she knew it was a sunset dress - Scarlet loved the sunset - and that it should remain in secret. So the only thing she could say was that she should not worry, and that her girlfriend would come back soon. She offered her own flat if Scarlet wanted to sleep over. She nodded - holding a grudge against somebody that lived with you was a sort of dumb choice.

She didn’t know that days later, Scarlet would cry over the dress her girlfriend made her, and they would burst into a kiss of love and happiness, tears of joy. Scarlet must be kind of sad with her now, but she never stopped loving Yvie - she saw that by the way she said her name.

Being immersed in her friends’ problems was a wild ride; it was like she was swimming with her head above water. Until Brooke pulled her head to the surface, like a lifeguard or something. Her penetrating blue eyes were staring at her, calling her.

She smiled. But Vanessa was tired of flirting with the eyes. She made a gesture for her, calling her to the table. She nodded, Vanije looked at her with puppy dog eyes. A playful grin took place over her face, she knew she was going to their table.

Scarlet was on her phone; she didn’t even notice Brooke, only said a simple ‘’’hello’’, and went back to the furious typing and confused expressions: it was clear she was texting Yvie.

‘’Well, I’m gonna get in serious trouble if my boss sees me here but somebody here’s worth it. Hi!’’

Vanessa smiled: ‘’Well, I hope to be that somebody’’

‘’Yes, even if this same somebody left me with some things to say on that day…’’

‘’So say them.’’

And they talked for about thirty minutes. In that time she got to know a lot about Brooke: she was from Ontario, Canada, and moved to Tennessee when she was about ten years old. Since a very young age, Brooke didn’t have many friends - Vanije was the polar opposite - but was very sweet, and everyone who knew her loved her. She loved to dance, and really wanted to be a dancer - a spot at NYU for studying dance was reserved on her future.

Until she got a very serious accident and had to stop dancing when she finally recovered. Now, she worked at Starbucks and won a shitty payment at month, and abandoned her dream.

‘’Shit, I’m so sorry…’’

‘’It’s ok, I can get a free coffee when no one is looking, and I meet cute girls in the process.’’ Brooke stared at Vanije, biting her lip.

Vanessa told her story, too. Her dad got a big job offer, so she moved to America as child basically, and her family already was pretty stable in Puerto Rico, and it wasn’t different in America. And growing up, it was like she was a magnet for popular girls cliqués because of her wealth. She mentioned Ariel, and Brooke recognized her.‘’That loud lilac girl at your side on the first time I saw you?’’ She mentioned all the crazy things they did together, and a lot of other random facts about her friends.

‘’Wow, it seems to be a lot of your friends in your stories… I wanted to hear something about you to be honest’’

That was a shock: Vanije had been the sidekick for so long that she knew only a few things about herself: she was funny, friendly, and bold… She was…

She was a girl with her mouth fully open, when a big hand was placed on the blonde girl’s shoulder, and a scary man was behind her:

‘’Brooke Lynn, a little word?’’

Shit, shit, shit. It was Brooke’s manager. Another trait from Vanije’s personality: she ruined everything.

He seemed surprisingly calm, and they went back of the coffee shop to talk. But Vanije’s curiosity followed them and the fear on Brooke’s eyes indicated that wasn’t going to be calm as that man appeared. She waved to Vanessa with a shy smile mumbling a quick apology.

‘’I-I apologize ladies’’

‘’But I was the one who called you… Hey you!’’ She pointed to the manager ‘’I was the one who told her to sit here with us. We know each other’’

Her manager’s eyes were on her. He seemed mad but acted calm with his words.

‘’No, but it’s my fault to have accepted it, I’m only here to do my job’’

A satisfied smile appeared on the man’s face, until he called her outside quickly and a bit not calm as before. Brooke hurried, she looked really scared. It broke Vanessa’s heart.

An instinct made her leave Scarlet alone after two minutes processing that, she was too busy with her phone to care about Vanessa practically running out of that door, looking for Brooke.

The man yelled at her; she was practically crying. The difference between the calm calling out inside, and the rage words directed to her outside… That man was trash. Brooke was a human being - an amazing human being by the way- nobody should be treated like that. Vanessa’s blood boiled and boiled; she was never a girl who put her head down, or lowered her voice, especially when somebody was being treated like shit in front of her.

‘’Hey asshole!’’ she yelled.

‘’Miss, you have to go back to your table,’’ Brooke cried in broken sentences, before her boss could say even a thing

‘’No, Brooke, I’m gonna sue this little motherfucker. Who do you think you are to treat anyone like that? Because of a dumb silly mistake that wasn’t even her fault, it was silly, dumb, could be forgiven…’’ The yelling started, and the man was… Intrigued with Vanjie’s audacity ‘’you are a dirty pig, scumbag, and your breath smells like a dead horse, bitch.’’

Brooke’s mouth was in the shape of an ‘o’ while the man’s head veins popped and he seemed angrier than ever.

This time he came for Vanije, damn right she was scared, but she swallowed her fears and looked at him like she had an army inside her weak arms.

‘’I don’t ever wanna see you or your friends here again. Be happy that Starbucks itself is not gonna sue you for your little show, just don’t appear on my sight… Miss.’’ he split the words in her face.

But Vanije wasn’t that sad, there was literally another Starbucks some blocks away from there, it was New York after all. The sad thing was that she would never see Brooke again, oh, she would never have how to casually meet her again.

Now there was only the two of them. Vanije and Brooke, Brooke and Vanije. Their eyes meeting again, Brooke had some tears in her eyes, and she cleaned them pretending nothing was happening. There was only silence until Brooke broke it with fair words, carried with a tender smile in the end of them.

‘’Hey, thank you by the way…’’

‘’For what? I’m sure I ruined your job and I’ll never see you again..’’

‘’I mean you are fucking crazy,’’ she laughed ‘’but you fought the asshole of my boss; he was so scared of you Vanije! I think he will think twice before treating anyone like that. I could never do that ugh.’’

‘’It’s what he deserves, he deserves to suffer. We should throw hot beverages on him.’’

‘’Oh totally, but I thought you would want to throw a lime refresher on him.’’

Vanije pouted: ‘’Hey! I only order refreshers because they are good duh’’’

‘’Aw I did upset you, poor Vanije,’’ she mocked, getting close to her.

‘’Bitch, bye.’’

‘’I know a thing that tastes better than a refresher.’’

And it happened, they were kissing. Brooke getting was closer, and Vanessa lost herself on her soft lips. She was actually shorter than her, not that shorter to be on her tippy toes to kiss her, but she did it anyways. It was a calm kiss, uncertain but calm, it was something she wanted to do since she put her eyes on Brooke Lynn Hytes and her damn pretty eyes, damn pretty smile.

Now she was smiling, breaking the kiss.

‘’Holy fuck I-’’

‘’Don’t brag that much, I just think you are cute since I saw you and I don’t wanna get attached but after today you deserved a little of truce off this game we’ve been playing’’

‘’What game?’’

‘’The flirting, I’m not an easy girl’’

‘’Oh and am I one?’’ Vanessa raged.

‘’Hmmmmm.’’ Brooke pretended to think

‘’Holy shit, bye.’’

‘’No wait!’’ She laughed ‘’Do you wanna um… Go out sometime?’’

Vanessa bit her lip: ‘’You said I was an easy girl so here’s your answer… Nope.’’

‘’Oh man, can’t believe I lost.’’

‘’Ok maybe I can!’’ She laughed. ‘’Let me just talk to my friends-’’

Brooke cut her in the middle of the sentence: ‘’I don’t wanna hang out with your friends, I wanna hang out with you.’’

‘’But what if they need me?’’

That line made her remember she left Scarlet all alone, but she should be fine - her and Yvie probably made up, so she should be gay and fine, enjoying her cappuccino.

‘’For the least I know you I can tell they don’t, I’m sure you are an amazing friend, now it’s my time to be your heroin, go out without them, just for one night’’

‘’It will be hard to tell them ugh…’’ Vanessa looked away, Ariel would make a big scene.

‘’You are amazing Vanije, you don’t need anybody else to make you feel so.’’

Suddenly her body was next to Brooke’s again, in a tight hug: ‘’I’ll give you my number and text you,’’ she mumbled.

‘’Great!’’ she said when they got out of the hug. Brooke’s eyes never had a most playful expression.

[driftinglightofthewoods]

🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️

Send me a “🖊+an OC“ and I will talk about that OC! It can be a headcanon, a fun fact, a small paragraph of backstory- anything!Alternatively, send in just a “🖊“ and I will talk about any one of my OCs at random!

You sendin’ 20 pencils? you gettin’ 20 ocs. You asked for this.

1. Sileves

I love Sileves, I love her big generous heart and how eagerly she accepts friends of her children and her husband as honorary family members. I wish I could talk more about her job as a healer because she takes such immense pride in it and she is what I would want any nurse or doctor to be; so caring and patient and kind.

2. Methenor

Methenor is a soft boi hidden under layers of icy indifference, sarcasm and dry etiquette and I love it. He cares for his family so much ;-; And like I feel incredibly bad for him because no wonder he’s cold as ice when pretty much his entire family left him in Rivendell; His parents sailed, his older sister is who knows where, his younger brother ran for Lothlorien and now his only son left him too.

3. Malgelir

Chirpy social butterfly with a small bit of a “ME FIRST” complex towards her siblings. Malgelir always wanted to get married and have a child, and the fact that she did so before her siblings does make her prouder than she probably should be. Thankfully this isnt out of pure malicious intent because I don’t think she ever had an evil thought in her life.

She also cares so much about her hubby and her son ;-; i cry

4. Rhoscthel

Fun fact I aint got a single clue about what goes into fashion design and yet here Rhoscthel is being a tailor. Send help. Plz. I’m making this up as I go and I just hope nobody notices I’m bluffing my way through anything that takes half a glance at her skill as a tailor.

I also wish I knew how people Actually Flirt TM because Rhos is supposed to be a charming she-elf with bargaining powers that could almost rival Caranthir’s but idk anything about either flirting or haggling. The woes of an introvert trying to play a socially savvy extrovert TM

5. Amathel

With Amathel I’ve been contemplating switching her social status of engaged to married but Amathel kind of has concerns and worries about the act of getting married so idk how to really.. change her status? Like should I just change it or drabble it or..

Like it’s not that she doesnt want to be married to Lagoron, she loves him very dearly, but there’s certain expectations that comes with having a wedding especially as a highly valued member of the Rivendell guard.

Idk I kinda want to dive more into the complex nature of her always wanting to be on top and number one in her class despite the fact that she has a lot of… performance anxiety, I guess you could call it?

She doesnt like to be put on the spot or even necessarily in the spotlight even though she has an ambitious drive and is always looking to improve as a guard.

6. Innith

With Innith I’m kinda having the opposite problem I do with Rhoscthel. I don’t get to use her much because she’s a shy, introverted scholar who would really only want to interact with coworkers and patrons of the library in Rivendell; and unfortunately there’s not a lot of those muses around.

this is very much me asking you to throw Pan at her sometimes I think they could be fun together plz

I’m also a bit sad the one ship I had for her has long since sailed away. F/F ships are so hard to come by.

7. Nethel

You would think I have a similar problem with Nethel like I do with Innith but since Nethel is such a drastically different character I actually dont find it hard to find interactions for her lol. People seem to be rather drawn to her even though she’s brutally blunt. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Nethel is a lot like Feanor just minus the genius linguistic part. 

Plus while Nethel is cooped up in her workshop most of the time she does need to come out and tend to her biological needs like eating, bathing, sleeping, much to her dismay as she has little patience for small talk.

Aside from that I think most of the muns I toss her at are aware that she’s a deeply insecure person under all that brutal facade, and people generally seem to have a little more patience with a character like that? like idk, just something I noticed. 

8. Miston

Honestly without Miston this blog wouldnt exist and I wouldn’t be here to gush about all my characters, so needless to say Miston is incredibly important to me. I feel like he has grown as a character a lot since the beginning of this blog but that he has also remained true to the description I give him in his about section. He is still a character who doesn’t like sharing his feelings and rather deflect them, ignore them entirely or distract you with conversations about literally anything else.

Miston is very near and dear to my heart.

9. Eredhon

Baby. Precious soft child. Eredhon is such a sweetheart and it’s truly thanks to a lot of brainstorming with @legolasgoldy that he has been crawling out of his shell because for quite a while I myself didnt even know all that much about Eredhon.

He is a soft, gentle soul with a lot of deep running emotions and his social anxiety can definitely play cruel tricks on him, but with the right support system he blossoms into a very sweet and devoted friend who will always try to help you through any emotional problems. He’s also a lot more emotionally intelligent than I originally gave him credit for. He’s usually paired with social butterflies (see Malgelir) because he does get those type of characters to kind of.. relent the walls they build around themselves and let him see the emotional struggles they tend to ignore

He’ll also never apologises for feeling his emotions. He’ll apologize for snapping, for raising his voice, for letting his anxiety drive him up a wall and for anything that deserves an apology, but he won’t apologize for feeling sad or anxious or happy or in need of comfort.

10. Calithilon

I’ve been thinking about aging canon Cali up to at least a talkative elfling because honestly because he is so young in canon I haven’t really gotten a chance to use him all that effectively in the main storyline.

Most of Cali’s development comes from modern aus with @hclliish where he’s a teen, dating her Sleipnir (another precious child, just not one of mine lol)Cali takes after his mom in looks and unfortunately for him after his dad in personality, making him a rather shy and quiet person with a lot of insecurities. Being born to two singers makes him a natural singer as well, and his voice is higher in tone than that of his father.

Despite being an anxious teen (because when is puberty ever kind) he does find a lot of comfort in his parents unconditional love for him. They’re a very solid parents-child unit tbh.

11. Lagoron

Another character that I don’t get to use all that much, which is unfortunate because I find Lagoron an incredibly funny and interesting character. He’s a very un-elvish elf, in fact he’s more a hobbit in an elven disguise. While also being a guard, he is an entirely different type than Amathel; where Amathel yearns to be the best and the strongest, Lagoron is a team player who believes in the strength of numbers and strong bonds between guards to drag them through the most difficult situations; and that hasn’t exactly made him the top performer of the class. 

He is however truly the kind of person you want on your team, and in a fight he’s surprisingly endurant and likely to exhaust his opponent by focusing on dodging their power attacks rather than wasting his energy in fighting back.

Always has food on him and will offer it to anyone he feels like stricking up a friendly conversation with. 10/10 good friend.

12. Hinnoron

Hinnoron is definitely more of the tradtional elf. He’s radiant, and ethereal, and pleasant to be around. He also has a natural calmness about him and a certain kind of wisdom. Y’know, typical Tolkien Elf TM stuff.

Hinnoron gets interesting when you dive into his deeper relationships. His relationship with his eldest sister is on a very low pit, and the one he has with Methenor has definitely taken some blows. When Gelwenil left to follow the stars, Methenor got rather clingy towards Hinnoron, who felt suffocated in return.

Hinnoron left for Lothlorien, and to this day regrets that he abandoned Methenor when Methenor was clearly struggling with the departure of their parents and their sister. While they have mended their bond since, this kind of guilt does seem to creep into his relationships with Haldir ( @thehiddenhero ) and Oropher ( @oropherrrrr ) He often doesn’t tell them when things about the relationship upset him and bottles his emotions up to an unhealthy degree, all because he fears of upsetting their feelings or even damaging the image they have of him if he’s not the perfect, ethereal and unconditionally supportive partner. For someone who gives love so easily and unconditionally, he seems to have a hard time believing that the love he receives doesn’t come with the condition that he has to be a perfect lover or it’ll be revoked.

Someone plz teach him that he’s allowed to have needs and that he’s allowed to have those needs tended to.

13. Gelwenil

Ah yes. The lost one. Well no, not lost, she knows exactly where she’s going but nobody else does. Gelwenil honestly never meant to upset Methenor or Hinnoron when she left to follow the stars. Like Methenor was definitely struggling when his parents left for Valinor, but in retrospect Gelwenil left several years after that. Maybe not enough for him to have healed and moved on, but I don’t blame her for thinking that with his wife, children and their youngest brother Methenor would have enough of a support net to justify her wanting to explore the skies.

Gelwenil is an avid believer in the power of Varda, and also deeply respects Tilion and Arien. Any type of celestial Maia can be expected to be treated with the deepest respect from her.

Out of all my characters Gelwenil deserves the most TLC tbh I feel like she’s underdeveloped compared to everyone else because I dont use her a lot.

14. Faerveren

Uuuugh I miss Faerveren so much. Mistons second cousin twice removed, and probably the only person to ever leave him flabbergasted and when Miston is the voice of reason in a duo, you know somethings up.

Faerveren is also an interesting character because with her I wanted to present the idea of people assuming you’re always emotionally fine as long as you’re physically strong enough to be virtually invincible.

15. Nengelon

Local edition of the “I’m so fucking done with this shit I don’t get paid enough to deal with” club, together with Feren and Lindir. Nengelon tends to fall into an elven variety of Welsh when he runs upset with the leader of the Sabaid elves, and just about no one knows what he’s saying.

There’s also the implication that he basically ran away from the Riunnag (waterelves, maybe related to the Teleri through distant blood but sources (ie me) dont confirm that yet so its just rumors) tribe he belonged to because of his secret romantic ties to said leader, but Nengelon doesn’t speak of his romantic outings to anyone so it’s just a rumor.

16. Braigon

Ah, big, bulky, burly, 7 foot something Sabaid leader Braigon. Rides a grizzly bear as a warmount, wields a gigantic twohanded battle axe, and is an absolute terror on the battlefield… when he bothers to get his tribe of warrior travelers involved. Braigon tends to stroll around like he owns the place, because not many dare to defy this mountain of an elf.

Maybe thats why people are so bewildered when 5′9 sized Nengelon curses him out on his bullshit in some incomprehensible tongue they don’t know.

Braigon is actually a pretty solid leader of a tribe where elves can pretty much do as they please as long as they do their job as either warrior or provider (finding food and other supplies) outstandingly. The Sabaids aren’t a big tribe, there’s only a couple hundred of them, but they make for fantastic allies… but only if you can manage to convince Braigon to risk any of his people in any given war; and he usually isn’t concerned with fighting the battles of others for them without a good reason. 

 17. Bereneth

Bereneth is an interesting case. An accident between a Sinda lady and a Noldo refugee, at a time when those relationships weren’t exactly accepted after the reign of destruction left by the line of Finwe. (I like to believe thats something that took a generation or two for elves to get over dont @ me.)

Because of this, Bereneth was relentlessly bullied to the point where as soon as the oppertunity rose, her mother left for then newly settled Rivendell. Being under the rule of Elrond, she figured her daughter would be safe there. Bereneth remained there and bore three children to Carandolon and sailed to Valinor when their daughter in law was pregnant with her first child

18. Carandolon

Chieftain of a squadron while Greenwood was under the rule of Oropher, Carandolon was a bright eyed and wanderlust filled soul, born to two fullblooded Silvan elves. When on a mission to Rivendell, where he had to accompany a diplomat, he saw Bereneth and for him it was love at first sight.

When the mission was over and he returned to Greenwood, he immediately requested to be dismissed from his chieftain status and to be allowed to move and live to Rivendell.

A reckless and bold move, and it did take him a while to woo Bereneth, but they ultimately fell in love, got married, and had three children. He sailed with his wife when their daughter in law was pregnant with her first child

19. Nemiron

The missing link that connects Miston to the line of Finwe. Nemiron is the bastard son of Írimë and an unknown father of Vanyarin descent. Nemiron lost complete vision in his right eye when the healer tent he worked at got raided by the enemy in that war; and he threw himself as a shield between the blade and the wounded soldier it was aiming for.

During the war, he was usually found in the company of either Finrod or Edrahil, as he needed help to adjust to his new lack of depth perception. Sometimes during that same war, he left to settle in Lothlorien, where he met the weaver apprentice Dillothés. They married and moved to Rivendell as a position for an experienced healer was open there, and they had their family there.

Nemiron remained in Rivendell, despite yearning to sail, for the sake of his only daughter, and he ultimately sailed for Valinor when she was pregnant with her third child.

I havent decided if the power of Valinor heals Nemiron’s injury, but if it does (and I doubt it), it would do so only partially. His right eye will never be 100% functional.

20. Dillothés

The third and last born daughter of her parents, Dillothés worked as a weaver’s apprentice in Lothlorien before moving up to becoming a weaver of her own, selling her selfmade fabrics to tailors and others interested and making a comfortable living out of it

She became infatuated with Nemiron, who was often found in the library studying Lothlorien native herbs to aid in his small healer practice. After she learned of his injury she never backed away from him once, and helps and supports him to the best of her ability. This remains the case when they went to Valinor and whether or not he partially heals from his injury

[awkwardplantwrites]

I haven’t written yet, but I do have a lot of ideas to go off now. unfortunately, a lot of involves re-writing stuff. on the one hand, I don’t want to be stuck on the same chapters, but on the other hand, I just Won’t be able to continue unless I add it in. I know a lot of people say “just write, don’t edit” but those aren’t the rules bc there is none and I can do what I want. (pls fix? no being stuck!!! only edit!)

here’s a long post about things I’m planning on adding, as well as headcanons about my own damn story because I’m stuck in fanfic mode forever.

lots of spoilers ahead! 

a horse motif for Renato: I remember when namme-e made the posters, one had a horse on it, which I reckon is a common association with knights. so far there have been 2 horses (well, one is a Kelpie, but it’s a water horse shh. I also found out Northumbrian folk/where Llantry is based call them Brags!) and there will be more horses later in the story. they’re recurring anyway, so why not use it. 

and upon looking at it’s symbolism, I realised that horses are very duty bound creatures, like Renato is to the people of Llantry, they symbolise war/battles - which can bring in memories of his dad, and in comparison to the first horse (which dies in chapter 5... some unintentional symbolism there) Isbeil the Kelpie is much more free and independant and they’re at the Fun part of the road trip, and the Nukelavee (even more dangerous than kelpies) later on will be wild/untamed right about when Renato’s emotions will be in turmoil... you see where I’m going with this :D :D other contenders for motifs include: hands, mirrors/reflections, his shield/armour, dragons. swords are more of a precision tool for magic than a weapon in this universe so that wouldn’t work as a motif.

a candy motif for Pepi: you thought I made him a candy merchant intentionally? no. not at all. except now it is. candy represents good memories, childhood, rewards, pleasure, reminds him of his dad’s business, responsibility in maintaining the business, his family, his lack of magic/inability to make candy, having to do Tammy’s chores for her, and just Tammy in general I guess. 

in the beginning I remember him being enthusiastic about it (if he’s not I’ll add it in lol), singing about it and complaining about being “a candy delivery boy turned overworked squire” and even from that you can tell he already has a complicated relationship with candy. he can’t make it but he sells it and hates selling it but when he talks/sings about it it attracts people, especially children.. perhaps engaging his own inner child too... in chapter 3 Pepi mentioned he was down to two bags, which means he held onto them despite selling out the rest... representing that he’s still holding onto his past even though it’s in the past and gone... and one day he’ll run out and it won’t be in his control and he won’t be able to get any more unless he goes home... which means FACING HIS PAST. so I’m thinking, if he becomes more neutral to it that’ll show how he views his past more healthily? then eat fruit instead?? idk.

magic based on senses: kind of ATLA inspired, but with the 5 physical senses (and a spooky 6th). as I started writing this I realised I probably based their powers depending on which god chose them, for example Lidion is the god of protection, so Renato gets protection based powers. but y’know, I had another idea as I wrote this lmao, what if the regular civillians/people born with magic have sense based magic? not sure if it’s a little ambitious to have 2 entirely different sets of magic. maybe the god powers can be based on senses too. initially the magic was based entirely off of DND classes (Renato’s a paladin and Pepi’s a wild magic sorcerer) but I think I’ve found something more original haha. or perhaps I accidentally moved onto Greek god/Percy Jackson-esque powers. crap. research says scottish mythology is kinda like Greek myths anyway: that’s a win in my book. 

changing Finlay from a floating crystal ball to a bird: introduced in chapter 2, and EVERYTIME I WRITE I FORGET ABOUT FINLAY. it’s like a personal meme at this point. so anyway I took a “what core type are you quiz” a while back and Pepi got adventurecore after I chose bird as his inner animal. making this change will make sense because a) Pepi can talk to animals and this will foreshadow it, b) he likes music and this might be his magic type..? c) Disney needs a mascot character if they’re going to make FM a movie

I just read some bird symbolism and GOD I want to make Finlay a chicken, since it symbolises finding inner power, getting over fear and also it’s very funny to me. or a duck since that symbolises decisiveness and leaving the past in the past. see there’s a lot of things I can do here. but is there such a thing as having too many motifs? I just read that you CAN have more than one, so yes, Finlay will now become a duck. 15 year old/duck obsessed me would be very happy.

empahsizing the illness: plural illnesses actually. Llantry’s illness is actually depression - which they didn’t know bc this is set around the 15th century and the gods forgot to tell them about it or something - caused by overusing their magic, the death of Renato’s dad (public morale figure), poverty, and y’know the middle ages in general. I feel like Renato’s way too upbeat, especially in chapter 4 when they’re running away from the Wakefield Knights. before now I was trying to weave in mood swings which would affect his behaviour and therefore the story. admittedly it’s very difficult, as what they’re doing generally requires a lot of energy and the tone is usually light. someone suggested having his depression be worse when the situation is worse, which I probably will do, but I still feel he could be more low-key. I really, really didn’t want to use the “happy and sad duo” trope, I wanted them to be more or less equal in demeanour. though if I want to portray his depression and distinguish them both it’ll have to be exaggerated I suppose. 

the second illness, Pepi’s anxiety. or well, it was initially anxiety but it’s starting to look more like OCD (that’s self projection for ya). some of my readers already figured out he can do magic, however it’s not that he doesn’t realise it. he casts spells in his sleep and thinks it’s his “evil self” (that idea is still TBC), and he sneaks off in the morning because he remembers sleepwalking and cleans up his mess. and to avoid making it look like schizophrenia, I’m planning to write it so it’s obvious he’s just very in denial about being able to do magic, because later it’s revealed he’s scared to use magic, because he doesn’t want to end up like his sister who became possessed by an evil being and abused magic, which for him is both a rational and irrational fear. avoiding magic could be considered a compulsion since he has intrusive thoughts about becoming evil. 

so I did already plan for him to gradually get more restless and uneasy, he’s supposed to be seem energetic bc he runs solely on anxiety. in my head I was thinking of quirks, and realized him hoarding stuff in his pockets “in case he needs it later” and his insane amount of GUILT, and all that felt pretty OCD. so why not: he’s got OCD. possibly PTSD too.

the idea for Finding Magic began as “magic takes part of your soul, 2 wizards search for help as their magic stops working”. I still have the exact post it note I wrote the first idea on. for this story I have 2 countries, 13 semi-developed towns, over 30 characters. (yes, not Tolkien numbers, but I’m not Writers George) and the reason I wasn’t able to write about ANY of them for the past 2 months is because my brain spirals and ruminates over miniscule details that readers will never know. also because I lost passion, was too tired to develop characters I needed to develop the story to finish the first draft... but now that the passion is back: I’m writing this at 5am, which is reminiscent of the first day I came up with FM, back then called Journey to Magic, where I couldn’t sleep since I was bursting with ideas. 

I guess this is what I find fun, analysing and improving and brainstorming. so while I might not have chapters written down, they’re pretty damn clear in my head and as you can see, I can talk up a storm about my story despite it not existing :D

[denouxments]

dylan minnette. cismale. he/him. — did you see { alex mercier }, i haven’t seen the { twenty-one } year old in a while! you know, they’re a { musician }, and have been living in jersey city for { twenty-one years }. some say they're { cynical & indecisive }, but i think they're { generous & talented }. regardless, i’m glad { alex } is here.

backstory

aaaaaand in the door to the right we have trash son #2, alex !! ( woo ! ahh ! ) you can find his dossier page HERE, his biography does not exist yet ( i’m gonna kick my own ass ), and there is a pinterest board for him HERE.

ok so boy is a middle child through and through LOL. his dad is a writer who also works as an english professor at new york university, meanwhile his mom works in human services helping people who have fallen off their track in life and stuff.

alex is essentially a male carbon copy of his mom in appearance but his personality is 100% his dad’s lmao

his siblings are a wanted connection !

also his household includes a deaf cat named shrimp that alex literally fished out of a gutter when he was 14. she’s his baby despite the fact that he’s mildly allergic to both cats AND shrimp ( i r o n i c ). here’s the instagram of the cat i’m saying she looks like

real mundane middle class life. there have been highs and lows like any other family, but there’s no tragedy here folks ! that comes later and has nothing to do with his family !

his dad was really into rock music and playing the drums when he was younger cuz wow the 80s and really wanted at least one of his kids to have good taste in music, so he kept the drum set and all the old records despite the fact that they were just collecting dust in the garage . . . until alex came along !

first was the drums, then it was the guitar, then it was being dual-enrolled in both the band and choir classes, and then, finally, it was starting his own band with 2 friends at only 11 years old

his dad got real lucky cuz alex clearly loved music, and he considers the 80s to be legendary. 

i'm gonna revisit his music in a moment cuz we gotta start getting into the tragedy that i mentioned ! so alex was like a really chill dude when high school started. he was a bit of a pretentious hipster bitch, but he was chill. he didn’t really say no to things ? like if something or someone just fell into his lap, he’d roll with it and didn’t really think too much about the consequences ? he was a big stoner and lost his virginity and probably way too young of an age because of it. he just didn’t really Care too much lol

he was essentially that quiet stoner that played his guitar in the courtyard and didn’t pay much attention to anything going on around him 

. . . unless he overheard you talking about something that was stupid or he didn’t agree with. then he’d butt in to be like “l o l that’s wrong !”

then he met molly ! if you’ve read chloe’s intro for bobbi you know molly ! we love molly ! molly was cute in that girl-next-door way and she was funny with good taste. it was hard for alex not to fall in love with her, really. they were friends first before they started dating, and it was through her that he met all of his current ride-or-die friends. he had never been good at making them, so she was a blessing for his social life. she was amazing. he loved her, his parents loved her, they were good. she was good and then she was gone. just like that. a car accident in which she wasn’t even the driver.

to say the loss devastated him would be an understatement. he shut down completely. he stopped hanging out with friends, stopped playing guitar in the courtyard; his presence in class was like that of a ghost. nobody ever knew what to say to alex before, and it was twice as true now. he just sort of Existed for the remainder of junior year, throwing himself into his studies instead of ever really taking the Time to Deal with it all.

it really hit him like a truck when summer hit and it was at this point that his parents forced him to start seeing a therapist.

his therapist recommended he use his band and music as an outlet, since that seemed to be his healthiest coping mechanism. ( see, i told you we’d get back to that ! ) taking this advice, he threw himself headfirst into it. like, he got really into his band. it’d been a bit of a hobby between friends before, and sometimes they worked small gigs, but now alex was also trying to produce them on a bigger scale. this helped him through his grief tremendously, especially because if felt like he was doing molly proud.

alex was 18 and had graduated when all this hard work paid off. after releasing a self-made ep entitled after molly, the band started gaining some serious traction. we’re talking getting featured on spotify’s indie hits lists and their fanbase skyrocketing in size from the couple hundred monthly listeners it had been. suddenly they were getting booked sold out indie gigs left and right all across the manhatten area. it was nuts and it is still nuts. they even have a well demanded

they’ve put out a 2nd ep since the initial takeoff and are now working on a full blown album ! exciting !

so, yeah, that’s definitely an exciting exchange for being utterly heartbroken i suppose. its been years since molly passed now, so he’s okay now for the most part. he still gets sad sometimes, and he still has all the pictures they took together and all the cheesy playlists they made for each other saved. she’s always gonna be the first girl he was ever in love with,, and i don’t think he’s yet to have a serious relationship since her, but don’t worry about him just being a clay jensen 2.0. my boy is faaaar from that and he’s had his grace period, y’know ? he good.

personality

fuuuucking hiiiiipster buuuuullshiiiit ! coffee and vinyl aesthetic all day bby. will call out your shit taste in music

loves to debate and argue semantics. will always play devils advocate even if he agrees with you 100%. also will go on for hours about the political climate and existence if you accidentally get him there

a bit antisocial. he doesn’t really know how to, like, approach people ? and then when people approach him he has a tendency to rub people the wrong way with his lackluster people skills

tries to go to parties and bars and stuff sometimes because that’s Normal, right ?

a ride or die pal when you do manage to befriend him though ! would drop e v e r y t h i n g for his friends and loves to spoil them relentlessly. the type to randomly show up at your house in his 3,000 year old mustang and take you to lunch or just go driving. 

big ole hufflepuff

he’s not really that super free spirit that he was before molly passed. now he actually cares a more about his actions to the point of being lowkey paranoid, honestly. like he’s always wanted tattoos but he constantly second guesses what he wants to get cuz he doesn’t wanna be the guy that got a shitty tattoo, y’know ? so he hasn’t done it at all

cynical boyyyyy. he’s one of those guys that’s like “i’m a realist, not a pessimist”. definitely doesn’t have a whole lot of faith in others outside of his friends and family. will always assume the worst out of people and question their motives

thinks of himself as really boring. not in a self deprecating way, but a factual way

hobbies include music, video games ( he does streams of him being shit at pubg on twitch sometimes ! ), watching movies ( horror specifically is a favorite ), sitting on his roof at 3am to look at the sky, going on walks when there’s nothing else to do, and aggressively frowning when his car breaks down in the middle of nowhere

seriously he really enjoys horror. halloween is his favorite holiday even though he isn’t really big on candy or dressing up. he just thinks the spooky aesthetic is real fun and its cool to see what everyone else is doing

he’s a skeptic on all things supernatural so all you boogaras better snatch him up !!

i drew this expression doodle page that honestmeme sums up his personality pretty well ( it is messy so plz be kind . . . )

connections

his bandmates is a given. i just need 2 others , , , any gender any fc. i have a wc for it.

either of his 2 siblings . . . another wc

any music friends tbh

rival musicians ? yes

people he just doesn’t get along with in general. he’s a pretentious snot so its pretty easy

unlikely friends ( probably someone super idealistic and bubbly )

childhood friends

he hasn’t had a serious relationship since molly so maybe someone he’s kinda into and that’s kinda into him but they taking it REAL slow

on the off hand some exes from him trying to see if he was ready to date again and just wasn’t

someone he debates with a lot. friends or not, they’re just really fun to banter back and forth with

horror night movie buddies !!

gets blazed w/ him on the roof in the middle of the night rambling about if ants have a conscious

he’s got his own place but a roommate or 2 would be nice !

anything anything anything. he’s constantly finding himself in bizarre situations that he just rolls with so long as it doesn’t leave a bad butterfly effect. hmuuuuuu and we can brainstorm

[markyishanthonymartinez]

4/9/17

i’m watching drake and josh, so what better time to start on this blog

eating cashews. i like almonds more tbh. nuts are good.

okay time for blog.

drake is like one of the greatest television characters ever.

*enters fake deep mark*

i’m gonna try to tackle a few things so I'm gonna try to get right into it. okay okay okay bear with me (I'm gonna say that before all of these cause they sound rash at first thought and i’m not necessarily saying i think one way or another, but thought is the greatest blessing you have and you should use that ish). i actually dont know if i’ve talked about this on the blog before but i can't remember, but here goes nada.

family means nothing. 

i love my family to the ends of the earth. they are the greatest people on earth and i love them so so so so much, but i would love them so so so much if they weren't related to me. my mom is so loving and caring and nurturing and always has you in mind and she’s great. my dad is the most funny, quick-witted, observant, curious, intelligent, hard-working person i know. joey is the coolest. joey is all the greatest things about me and my dad and the rest of my family and then some. joey is smart and athletic and capable and caring and soft spoken and he’s just the coolest person i’ve ever. gabii has been the coolest role model to me. her determination and drive, her social skills are all things i’ve hoped to have rubbed off onto me throughout life. my family has been so wonderful for me and they have given me a beautiful life. my extended family as well. well those i have met of course. but yeah the majority of my extended family that i’ve met has been so so wonderful and nice and funny and great kind hearted people. i appreciate that so very much. i realize i am incredibly lucky.

but i realize that not everyone is in such a lucky position. i have friends whose families have been terrible to them. or one parent has been. or a sibling. or an uncle or aunt or grandparent. or something. i know people who have had family members physically or verbally abuse them. or take advantage of them or so many other horrible terrible things.

because of this i come to the statement that family means nothing. you don’t owe anyone love. you don’t owe anyone appreciation. you don’t owe anyone respect. you don’t owe anyone anything. not by nature. not because you were born within the same line of human beings as them. 

wait brb mom calling me.

back, awww i love them so much. 

funny time for them to call me lol. but yes, like i dunno family is great when family actually treats you like family. but the technical definition, family doesn't mean anything. if your uncle is horrendous to you while your best friend would never do you wrong, who’s really “family?” friendship and love and caring and all that good stuff is eternally more important that being part of the same branch of people. 

okay time for a lightning round.

i dont like root beer.

pineapple does belong on pizza. 

math is great. 

“aliens” exist.

ghosts dont. (i think?)

watching too much tv doesn't mess up a kid.

talking in front of people is exhilarating. 

pink looks great on guys.

there’s no way people actually meet on tinder.

i actually prefer the taste of most “healthy alternatives”

my birthday should be a national holiday.

video games don’t mess a kid up.

snow is annoying, but very pretty. 

i dont like sleeping in.

looks matter, a lot.

cuddling is great, cuddling while actually asleep isn't a thing.

divorce is better than being unhappy.

cigarettes are significantly worse than weed.

alcohol is a drug.

a bad drug.

dont worry i’ll brainstorm more real things/how to build off of these small things. 

dont worry, i didn't fall in love today so i dont have to be sad yet.

sprang break

dft//sb fam

-mark anthony martinez