#Brain (kaf)

[lucifer-kane]

New brain thoughts but I've been thinking about Jenny/Brutus domestic living, quiet mornings making breakfast and slowly waking up. Except they also have a Kane living with them as well so it's a tie up between not seeing him for days at a time vs he talks At them in their living room. Domesticity interrupted by a prickly cat (they wouldn't have it any other way)

[tkaffa]

[sudokuplayerone]

listening to a song rn, and it's sung by pakistani artists who say some arabic in the refrain, "you're my heart" but for the heart, "qalb" they say the qaf as kaf so it turns into kalb which means dog. hilarious. i'm going to laugh abt this forever.

[red-dyed-sarumane]

thinking about the speed i went from "rime just sounds like kafu but lower" to "rime is one of my favorites so help me if i see anyone hate on her"

[kafus]

i say this lightheartedly but i am also being really serious and genuine. likodot has been doing a lot for me in regards to my extremely long history of romantic and sexual abuse as a kid. getting on my soapbox for a second, but i never really had “normal” initial experiences with relationships. i was never able to safely explore sexuality.

for the longest time, even in a fictional context, it was hard for me to imagine being a child and having a normal crush and being in a normal relationship. the fact that i’ve been gushing about made up healthy scenarios of two young people having crushes on each other or trying dating for the first time and just generally focusing so much on healthy communication and patience and understanding says a LOT about how far i’ve come in my recovery.

i’ve always expressed and understood myself through media and through fiction and this is another evolution of that. shipping has always been personal to me and represented things about me. this time likodot is like an extension of what my 12 year old self would have wanted if she weren’t being abused and all the experiences she missed out on, packaged with pokemon escapism and everything lol

idk i’m just really happy that i can think about any of this at all and be comfortable and genuinely passionate about it. the idea of being safe in a romantic relationship is no longer uncomfortable or foreign to think about. in the ashes of my destroyed childhood innocence i’ve managed to experience it some again as an adult

really healing my traumatized inner child by shipping stupid gay kids lately huh

[letaot-ze-magniv]

General guide to birds in Israel pt 2- cooler birds

This will be a long post. Link to part 1

White spectated bulbul/bul-bul me-mush-kaf

Usually referred to as just bulbul, this bisexual king is the roundest and my most favourite bird. IMPORTANT! BULBUL MEANS DICK! DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR LOVE FOR BULBULIM IN PUBLIC!

These birds are slightly larger then the house sparrow and are easily distinguished by their yellow butt. Their calls are reminiscent of frogs. They mate for life and are all bisexual and they cuddle each other. They are a menace to farmers because they are fond of fruit and tend to nibble just a little at a time. You can find them in all parts of Israel as long as there are nice trees nearby.

Eurasian blackbird/shakh-rur

These timid birds like to hide in bushes and trees. Their calls are beautiful and I love them. They are smaller then a pigeon. The males are black and the females are brown. They feed on seeds, fruits and bugs, and use their beaks to search the ground for worms. You can find them in Jerusalem and the north, they like cool weather and don’t fuck with sand.

Great tit/yar-ge-zi ma-tzui

Life isn’t easy for these tiny psychopaths, which might be the reason they developed such a temper. Their Hebrew name translates to “angry one”, and for a reason. They are very aggressive towards other birds. They also feed on the brains of bats. You can distinguish between males and females by the thickness of the black stripe on their belly- males have a thicker one than females. They are most common to the north of Jerusalem, but you can find them in some parts of the desert.

Palestine sunbird/tzu-fit bo-he-ket

No, that’s not a hummingbird, it’s the sunbird! Despite their remarkable likeness they aren’t even a little related. Sunbirds feed on nectar and are pollinators! The males have black feathers that shine in the sunlight (which is how they got their name) and the females are a muddy grey, but they’re just as lovely. You can find them in all parts of Israel, especially near lush flowery areas!

White wagtail/nakh-li-e-li la-van

First migrant bird everyone!!! (Some blackbirds migrate here but some nest during summer so shhhh) This lovely round bird starts it’s visits around October and leaves when it gets hellishly warm again. Due to global warming the wagtails visits are shortening, so appreciate them while you can. Like their name suggests, the wagtails wag their tails. A lot. You can find them near water sources during the cold-ish months of the year!

Eurasian jay- or-va-ni shkhor ki-pa

Eurasian jays can be found in other parts of the world, but I’m pretty sure the one we have in Israel is a different sub-species because the ones in Europe lack the beautiful black top that they’re named after.

The jay is a type of corvid, and in addition to being extremely social and intelligent, these birds can mimic other animals. Due to urbanisation, the jays learned to mimic car alarms, the ringing of phones and the cries of human babies. Jays are extremely fond of acorns, and burry them in the ground in preparation for harsher months. A single jay can remember between 4000 to 5000 hiding spots!

Syrian woodpecker/ na-kar su-ri

This picture is of a male woodpecker. The females have a completely black head. Woodpeckers can locate bugs that have burrowed inside trees and use their beak and long tongues to eat them, thereby helping the trees get rid of pests! Woodpeckers also love acorns, and compete with jays over them. To prevent concussions, the woodpecker’s tongue wraps around their brain, keeping it in place while they peck. You can find them in non-desert areas of Israel!

Lesser whitethroat/siv-khi to-kha-nim

Another migrant birds! These floofballs come here twice a year, once in spring and once in autum, although some whitethroats nest in the north all year long. During their migration you can find them everywhere in Israel, even in very urban areas! They get their Hebrew name, which roughly translates to miller’s shrubbery-liker, because their white chests look how a miller’s apron would look after a long hard day!

Super winged lapwing/sik-sak

The siksaks are water birds with ridiculously long legs that they use to stab their prey. They kind of look like they are wearing a tux! Their original Hebrew name was “sharoni mezuyan”, which translates to “one that lives in the Sharon and is armed with a weapon” but also “fucking sharoni”. You can find them anywhere in Israel as long as there is a near enough water source.

White breasted kingfisher/shal-dag la-van kha-ze

One of my favorite birds. The kingfisher is a magnificent bird of prey with brilliant blue feathers that always make my day. They are most common in the north and west of Israel, but they nest in smaller numbers in the south. They kingfisher’s diet consists of not only fish, but of crabs, frogs, slugs, bugs, and even the occasional rodent. Their varied diet helps them thrive even in drier areas.

[sau-cen]

when u get this, list 5 songs u like to listen to, publish. then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers/mutuals (positivity is cool) ((no pressure, you can just take positivity :33))

Hi Kaf!! 💕

Lately I’ve been listening non-stop to these ones:

- Vroom Vroom (by Michael Darling)

- Uptown Girl (by Billy Joel)

- What’s The Deal With David? (By Oh Pep!)

- Life’s A Bit (By Noahfinnce)

- Tease Me (By Nick Youre)

I like them all a lot they made my brain go brrrr🔥

[alegocarmadein]

okay does anyone listen to the kaf s2 soundtrack often and every FUCKING time that Please, One More Time comes on just get fucking flooded with emotions??????

cause I CANT RIGHT NOW. I'm Hot I'm Tired I'm in Pain I CANNOT BE CRYING OVER FUCKING KANE AND FEELS AGAIN

Please brain let me be normal about kaf....for a moment, please

[lovelandresort]

@jamboreeofsurprises tagged me to post my 10 favorite songs!! this is going to be insanely hard, so just to make it easier on myself, this is my CURRENT, RECENT top ten songs and not my all time. if i did all time i'd be agonizing over trying to remember every song i've ever loved LMAO

also because i'm annoying i'm going to say some shit about each song

matenrou - iri PLEASE GOD LISTEN TO THIS SONG SHE IS SO HOT!!!!!!!!!! my bestie introduced me to iri a year or two ago and i've been obsessed with her ever since. her voice is so deep and sexy and she has that exact type of casual calm charisma that makes me go wild for a woman lol. also whoever produces her songs just does bangers after bangers, it's definitely a little bit of that overly popular Lo-Fi Hiphop Beats genre so i wouldn't call it revolutionary, but it just makes for fun easy listening. i like her raps too <3

the loneliest time - carly rae jepsen i'm on tumblr i probably don't need to explain to any of you mfs why i like CRJ. actually i kinda thought the album this was from was mid but the standout songs were REALLY standout. shoutouts to bad thing twice, too

salamander - deco*27 it ain't that deep this one just gets stuck in my head like once a month lol. i also love a vocaloid song that kinda utilizes the fact that vocaloids are weird and can make weird sounds or sing strange vocal melodies that you wouldn't necessarily write for a human. the "ya-ppa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa daimondai da" in the chorus is a favorite bit for me

wait a minute! - willow i've loved this song ever since it came out :o it's so good

F wonderful world - ano i'm a sucker for this brand of cute front woman singing extremely dark lyrics lol. ano also did an ending for chainsaw man! she did the one about vomit kisses!!!💘

into free from dragon's dogma LOL reals will know ok. reals will understand. this scratches the same part of my brain as the metal gear rising soundtrack

E S P R - mikitoP mikito has been putting out some of my favorite vocaloid music from day one, but this one was really special!!! i feel like he's really peaked where his acoustic music is concerned. the bass tone, the drums really building the anticipation in the second verse, all of it is so well performed and recorded. also a really crazy use of SynthV, not to be mistaken with vocaloid!!! the voice synth is so mellow and melts perfectly into the music. i'm not always a "more human = better" person when it comes to vocal synths, but in this one, the naturalism of her voice is fitting and really cool. the lyrics are just also my favorite flavor of mikito, kind of fantastical but also really grounded in reality and a little bit bittersweet. my other flavor of mikito is "songs he wrote about his cat that sound weird if you don't know are about a cat" which to my knowledge he's only done twice but it's funny that it happened twice

tokyo shandy rendezvous - maison des this one just really wedged its way into my brain haha. KAF has such a weird cute voice

zurukunai? - punipuni denki this song is giving casinopolis!! it's smooth and sexy! i've been into kan sano's singing lately. she's got that exact kind of cool effortlessly pretty voice that i can't get enough of

juicy - doja cat i really don't even know what to say, this song is like a pacifier for my brain. it needs to be the version without tyga in it though or i get aggressive. did you know tyga opened a popup restaurant near where i lived in orange county called tyga bites? i heard it wasn't good. nuff said.

[notasapleasure]

fanfic director's cut: only ever just one night!

ohhhh hohoho careful what you ask for my friend. But thank you <3

Only ever just one night - director's commentary meme

And while I'm here, a HUGE shout out of thanks to @weirdsociology-writes for reccing this fic!

BACKGROUND The first SW fic I've written in….five years! I've been noodling around very small fandoms since then. I mean like…under 20 fics total on ao3 for the main one (a Georgian film about gay dancers). And a 1980s band AU of a 1960s book series about a sixteenth-century Scottish mercenary where we call ourselves 'tiny fandom' for a reason. So it's both extraordinarily lovely to have so much engagement with this fic and also kind of alarming. To enumerate my alarm: (1) What if I haven't researched the world coffectly (see: misspelling 'caf' as 'kaf')? (2) What if my first fic for this fandom is my best and I have no other ideas to explore coherently? (3) What if I want to write more and it Grows Plot and I end up with just another perpetual WIP trailing its innards all over my ao3 dash? (4) What if I fluked out and wrote something people vibe with while in a trance, but my justification for my actions has bad vibes? However, I try not to cultivate shame, so Andor fandom, specifically Brassian fans: know that you are lovely and it's making Not Looking Down easier.

CONCEPT The fic ambushed me in a back-alley when I was still trying to work through what I did and didn't like about the show (having been immersed in Jyn/Cassian fic and Rogue One backstory when I last did SW fandom). But I knew that what I very much did like was that hug in Rix Road. I am an absolute sucker for second-fiddle characters who are just quietly waiting for an opportunity to fuck shit up on behalf of the skrunkly little creatures we call main characters. Thankless and loyal, competent and smart - not a himbo, but someone who's watching their friend get into trouble and rolling their sleeves up to wade in and help without being asked. The ones you trust to help you hide a body. Also for characters who seem…I don't know, too good to be true on the surface, but have deep reservoirs of potential for darker emotions. I could also have just said I like broad-shouldered black-haired guys who give the best hugs (Brasso. Irakli. Jerott.)

Anyway, I find the best way to explore the relationship between two characters I like is just to make them fuck. I'm being a bit flippant, but only a bit. Communication - spoken and unspoken - is key whether it's good or bad, and you can do a lot with a character's idea of themselves as well as their idea of the other person. It's a performance, it can be about getting a response, and there can be a lot of motives at work. So I wrote this fic to work out how I saw Cassian and Brasso's friendship through a long-term lens - the trust, but also the distance Cassian keeps. Brasso's concern for him, which is overlayed by his frustration at Cassian not telling him everything. Brasso going into these interactions with eyes wide open and still finding it worthwhile, because although Cassian never gives anyone everything he gives something of himself to Brasso that no one else gets. Cassian actually relying deeply on Brasso as a constant in the turbulent life he's made for himself and feeling something almost like guilt for letting himself rely on someone that much. But needing that little hit of stability too much not to keep coming back.

FIC

It's in the present continuous because I was possessed by brain worms and they insisted. I literally haven't written anything in that tense for years so…?

Well, I had to try to replicate that hug. Turning favoured scenes over and over with new words is a fun exercise. And while I am very eyes emoji at the idea of Luthen/Cassian I'm also into the idea of Cass having One Place he knows he can always go back to for safety and comfort without any sort of judgement, and that place being wherever Brasso is. Hence also the idea that, although Cassian claims it's for Brasso's safety that he won't say where he's been or who he's working for, there's also an element of Cassian preserving his bolt hole. If he keeps this relationship separate from the Rebellion then whenever the work he does becomes too much, he can always go somewhere that feels like away from the Rebellion. Which isn't exactly fair if Brasso might choose to be involved in the fight himself, were he given all the information. And is something I want to poke at properly if I can sort out the right kind of Macguffin for the plot I have in mind following up from this fic. It would encompass, in theory, Cassian moving from a state where his work for Luthen feels still like a kind of ownership/debt repayment/self-flagellation towards the kind of responsibility and service he treats it as by the time of Rogue One, where I don't think he has any kind of release valve or bolt hole or temporary place to escape/experience respite from The Cause.

All this is bound up with the idea that Brasso sees Cassian in a way many others on Ferrix don't. I think Maarva sees him, but she's too close to what she did and all the guilt and resentment around her just taking him from his home for that understanding to come without massive strings attached. And Bix, similarly, I think she understands Cassian perfectly well and she's made the conscious decision that That's Not For Her. For all the telling the series does about their previous relationship, the showing doesn't involve much pining (from my perspective), or inclination to get back together, just two people who know each other too well to put up with the other's bullshit. Brasso has that too, but with what the series gives us there's not the same kind of caveats to his understanding of Cassian. At least, that's how I see it.

Connected with 'although Cassian never gives anyone everything he gives something of himself to Brasso that no one else gets', I wanted to keep the two of them isolated from the other Ferrix survivors here. Cassian's in too vulnerable a place to face up to them all together - what's that trope, where a shapeshifter gets confused by being presented with too many things to change into? I think that would be Cass trying to maintain his armour around Bix and Bee as well - lying about the jobs he's doing and where he's been to them all together it too likely to leave him exposed. He can be selective with his information around Brasso, and he can tell when Brasso knows he's holding out and would rather he didn't, but Brasso's also not going to push too hard, because he knows that just gives Cassian an excuse to leave.

'Brasso merely nods - it's only ever just one night. The first time it happened he believed those words and afterwards, ablaze with memories of that one night, he had come to regret agreeing to it - he'd burned through the long sleepless hours between the first time and the second, convinced that he'd just learned what it was he truly wanted only to be denied any repeat of it. Then there had been a second 'just one night'. A third. Brasso had begun to understand that just one night actually meant something else when Cassian said it. It meant I trust you. I need you too much to ruin it by staying longer. I'll be back. I'll always need to come back.'

Of course, in trying to figure out how this would go as something established, I backed myself into a corner of wondering how it might have started - hence Counting on you (ugh I really wish I'd had the patience to think of better titles for these two fics). But I like the idea of seeing how this relationship came into being without ever really having been talked about, just changing bit by bit to incorporate more - as I was saying to @elwenyere, it's a ship of Theseus kind of deal, where both physically and emotionally they're scoping each other out and building on each encounter, as well as on the friendship they had anyway, but really it's just 'yes and-'ing each other without addressing their feelings directly.

I'll admit to taking a deliberately contrary stance to what I expected to be the default take on this ship - that Cassian would be more experienced, more likely to make the first move. I just prefer a dynamic in my ships where they're differently experienced and both invested in making the other feel good, so there's always a bit of a wrangle over who's initiating what. From the way Brasso meets Cassian's improvised alibi to the way he knows exactly where to find him with Maarva's message, I don't believe for one second this is a man who's shy about using his initiative. And like Cassian is, I think he's highly conscious of how people view him and his body and has learned to manipulate expectations around that - either to make himself seem less threatening or to do the opposite. It's something that's part of what they both get out of being together - no facade, Brasso doesn't need to make himself seem smaller or less threatening (he defaults to bumbling when confronted with Imperial patrols, it really takes a lot to get him swinging that brick on Rix Road) because Cass doesn't find him threatening, and Cassian doesn't need his sharp edges, or to make himself seem small in the way he does, too (I keep thinking of how those two Corpos talk about him in the bar in episode 1).

In the end, I think Cassian does believe he's not coming back. Whether because he won't last that long, or because he can't keep this reminder of life outside the dirty work of the Rebellion without the contrast hurting too much/compromising the armour he needs to do his work. And yes, a lot of this comes from pondering Cinta's attitude to her and Vel's relationship - again, if I manage to write more, expect them to be there and that to be part of it. So while it becomes clear to Brasso that Cassian thinks he's not coming back - in a different way from all the previous 'not coming backs', I think that catches Brasso off-guard. Because I think Brasso...wants to believe he would be more honest about how he feels if he really could grasp the idea of it being the last time he sees Cassian. He'd go all in if it was his last chance to do so. But without time to prepare? I think he's made too much of being the one who can let Cassian go (cf. Bix - he's always leaving) and that that's what lets him keep coming back. If you never give something a beginning how can you give it an ending?

A question I find myself confronted with regularly, 50k words in and utterly lost. Stay tuned?

[lucifer-kane]

this horror show came back to my brain all at once but it was only judgement boy and his little tune

[blackwaterbbq]

https://www.tumblr.com/blackwaterbbq/745656665186140160/i-thought-i-was-being-obsessive-seeing-everything?source=share

can i ask what references you're talking about, i am genuinely interested?

Hnnng it’s been forever since I got an ask. I forgot that was a feature! Thank you so much, I thought I was the last person on this site, lol.

Specifically, I was reading massive KafBlazer parallels into Turandot, the play Nessun Dorma is the climatic number for (in which a hero jumps through hoops in single-minded obsession for winning the hand of an icy, unrepentant villainess.). And I was thinking my interpretation was shipping-goggles-welded-to-the-skull behavior.

Only for someone to point out that a poem Kaf leaves for Trailblazer back when you’re chasing her on the Luofu is a reference to an ancient Chinese love poem about a wife whose kept away from her love by circumstances and a great distance. Which seems really on the nose, more so than the rather unsubtle parallels I was trying to make.

Mobile app ate half my reply twice so had to go with the short-short version. Hope it makes sense~ I’m prepping The Opera Chapter of my big, Kafka x Caelus omnibus to time it with the game’s anniversary so I’ve got KafBlazer on the brain atm. If I’d know the context of the poem though I’d have worked that into the early chapters.

[kivaember]

when you stumble across a song that you're like LEONARDO DI CAPRIO POINTING!!!! bc it resonates so well with one of your blorbos in your fic!!!

me right now for apv tbh. Kaf: Nihil really does resonate a lot with apv 621 and what i basically envision for his growth throughout the fic... ough (lyrics under the cut which are from the linked video!)

A nihilistic idea is stroking my cheek. As if it was dull, everything in my life looks blurred. I sit down on a fragile seat, which was senselessly decorated, meaningless, and uncertain. However hard I try to pretend to be okay, my life is still unreasonable. While this world is boring and flat, my brain is flashing and rejecting this situation. I want to figure out what to do in this life. I want to know what I will be like in the future. I cannot stop anymore. Who cares if I am selfish? Who cares if I am an egoist? It is always uncertain what would happen in this world, isn't it? I am getting shattered, I am becoming ash. My nails, my arms, my shoulders, and my heart are all fading out, becoming a part of the sky. I don't need despair in my life. I hate to be disappointed at my future. They are useless at all. Who cares if I am selfish? Who cares if I am an egoist? Are you listening, world, world, world, world, WORLD! I might be far from my goal throughout my life however desperately I stretch my arm. Yet, nothing can stop me anymore. I want to know everything. Nothing goes away, ever goes away, Nothing can drown out the hope. I want to believe in myself. I am still here.

[kafus]

don't you have the "blacking out and doing things you can't remember" disorder

yes but my amnesia is not as bad as it used to be after four years of therapy and i cannot think of a single alter in my brain rn that would do something as random as change my wallpaper to a blurry photo of kaf and then not tell me about it. it'd make more sense if it was a wallpaper of a different character we have introjected or something and they were trying to personalize our PC but that image was so low quality 😭

most of my dissociative amnesia these days doesn't involve stuff like random changes in my digital space or objects appearing in my room that i don't recognize etc. i think it's more likely i somehow did this in my sleep because i accidentally slept with my keyboard plugged in a couple times this week

[nny11writes]

*Posts LTTA Chapter: lol sorry i’m terrible and updating this, don’t know when I’ll post again or whatever ahaha* *Within two days writes another 4300k words of the next chapter* *After saying I don’t like writing politics: inserts politics*

*meticulously looks for star wars equivalents of TV, news, etc*

*decides fuck it rice cakes it is cuz I’m craving mochi right now*

*says Padme and Barriss probably won’t appear again* *Barriss, handing her tea tray to Padme: Hold this a sec*

WHAT IS HAPPENING??????

[mtchacffinz]

kaf here once again!

Wanderer loves physical intimacy.

And by Wanderer, I mean Scaramouche. I have lots of headcanons for this (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠) It's making my brain rot, so I'll share it here as well.

cw. gn!reader, kisses, sfw, fluff, soft wanderer

He's learned it from Buer. She softly tells him, "holding a dearest close is a lovely feeling, and being able to express and embrace that feeling is much lovelier." And it got him curious— you, that he holds special affections for would be the perfect target practice.

"I want to try kissing."

Straightforward and blunt. He knows full well that kissing wasn't meant for strangers, he's not that aloof— he might have fragmented memories but his sound reasoning is still intact. But you were special to him, and he knows full well he was to you too. There was no reason for you to refuse.

And so you have him a peck, it was soft, quick; it was warm. It made him feel bubbling heat every churn of his stomach. Yet he was greedy, he wanted more.

He got a taste. Your tongue, your lips, the way you held him by his waist when you pulled him closer, he devoured it all.

Every moment of the day, he would crave your embrace be it quick or prolonged, lots of it. He seemed to enjoy holding you close, and seemed to be the one always initiating.

At this point, it seemed so natural to him now, he liked intertwining his hands with yours whenever he takes a stroll, kissing the crown of your head when he sees you after a long day of traveling, sweeping you off your feet and swinging you around dancing underneath the moonlight with an absent melody, yet enchanting all the same. He was so sweet, like he genuinely enjoyed everything every moment— a true wanderer who lived in the moment.

His kisses are near delicate and given with fervour. Often deep and long, other times light, riddled with pecks. But often times, he likes leaving you breathless and bothered.

When it's a time you engage first, he gets caught off guard. Not shy as he's used to the feeling, but it's pretty cool to him. You give him a small kiss on his forehead as he lay down beside you under the trees shade, pulling his hat down as you misjudge his expression.

He seemed surprised. Disallowing him to see your bashful figure, you completely cover his face with his hat.

But underneath that shade, he held the most stupidest smile on his face.

I do requests. Don't be shy and come slide down my blog (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧