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THE WEST WING #105 [5-17] The Supremes Full transcript Written by Deborah Cahn Directed by Jessica Yu. I do not own this in any way, nor do I get anything from the sharing of it.

(MONDAY)

(CROWD OUTSIDE)

DONNA: (on phone) Tommy at Justice. Covitz at Justice. Citizens For a Strong America. Archbishop Gaudio, Archbishop Rummel…

JOSH: What?!

DONNA: Rummel! Of New York. Man of God.

JOSH: I can't hear a damn... Excuse me please. Thank You. How are these people up so early?

DONNA: It's a Supreme Court seat. They had sign-painting parties the second Justice Brady dropped dead. Council sent a new list, said burn the old list.

JOSH: Listen to this. “They cavalierly sacrificed the unborn innocents and beckon, arms akimbo, the reaper, the horseman and the apocalyptic end. Akimbo is a word you wish got used more. There’s someone out there selling “Who Would Jesus Nominate” t-shirts.

DONNA: They’re in Leo’s. They just started.

(OUTSIDE LEO’S OFFICE)

JOSH: You want this?

DONNA: You don't like it?

JOSH: Not really. Sorry I'm late.

LEO: Dem Leadership is in with the President.

JOSH: They giving us more names?

LEO: I'm sure they are.

TOBY: I need the short list by the end of the week.

LEO: Your schedule. Your schedule. Mine. Keep 'em quick. You got 3 judges an hour.

C.J.: Who has Austin Girelli from Connecticut?

TOBY: Me.

C.J.: ACLU called about him. I don't think it'll be a problem, but ask him about that migrant workers thing he wrote.

JOSH: Why isn't Haskins on here?

LEO: Having an affair with his clerk.

MARGARET: Toby - Dubar on line two.

C.J.: Here’s Bernstein. And this is…

TOBY: [on phone] Senator? Yes, Senator. No we're not having a party over the death of a Supreme Court Justice. Well, not a big party.

JOSH: Evelyn Baker Lang?

LEO: Fourth circuit.

JOSH: Isn't she kind of a lefty?

LEO: Yeah

C.J.: Decoy duck. And don’t do it in your office. Do it someplace where the press can see her.

LEO: We want the left flank sufficiently mollified and the right flank sufficiently panicked so as to inspire a little conciliation on all flanks.

JOSH: Lang should do the trick.

TOBY: Put Fred Canterbury down on some list of people we’ll never consider.

C.J.: Baker Lang's just with Josh?

LEO: You want Toby too?

C.J.: It'll look more like we're taking her seriously.

LEO: Toby, Evelyn Baker Lang will be your 8:45 with Josh. Let's go, people. First one to find me a Supreme Court Justice gets a free corned beef sandwich.

(ROOSEVELT ROOM)

JOSH: Obviously we're impressed with your record.

TOBY: Your work on the 14th Amendment in particular is the stuff dreams are made of.

JOSH: But before anything else, we want to gauge your interest level. This will certainly be a lifestyle...

LANG: We can just chat

JOSH: I'm sorry?

LANG: I hear you really went to bat for Eric Hayden.

JOSH: I wish we could have gotten him confirmed.

TOBY: Judge Lang, if the President were to...

LANG: Is he still teaching?

JOSH: Eric? Yeah. Umm...again, if we...

LANG: A conservative anchor of the court has just died. A young brilliant thinker who brought the right out of the closet and championed a whole conservative revival. You cannot replace Owen Brady with a woman who overturned a parental consent law. You'd be shish-ka-bob'd and set aflame on the south lawn. Two reporters have... three reporters have walked by since we started. I'm window dressing. That's fine. I'm happy to help. But let's just chat about the weather.

(OUT IN THE HALL)

TOBY: Not bad.

JOSH: That's what we're talking about. Maybe we should put her on the short list.

TOBY: Yeah

JOSH: Okay, who's next? (Donna gives them folders)

TOBY: That’s his.

DONNA: This is…

JOSH: That’s a “no”.

ACT ONE

(DONNA’S DESK)

DONNA: Sign, please.

JOSH: You want to move it so I can see?

DONNA: Not really

JOSH: Why are we apologizing to Ashland?

DONNA: We sent him flowers. Condolence flowers.

JOSH: Condolences?

DONNA: For his death.

JOSH: He's alive.

DONNA: That's what he said.

JOSH: We sent flowers to the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court on the occasion of his death?

DONNA: They were supposed to go to Justice Brady's family.

JOSH: Get protocol on the phone.

DONNA: They didn't actually....

JOSH: We did this?!

DONNA: It was an honest mistake. Ashland's 80, he's knock knock knocking on ....

JOSH: Who put the order in?

RYAN: Hey guys!

JOSH: You sent a funeral bouquet to the family of the living breathing Chief Justice of the Supreme Court?

RYAN: No I sent them to the guy who died , Brady.

JOSH: No, actually you didn't.

RYAN: This is terrible. Umm... I really apologize. You know I am a nightmare with details. It's embarrassing. This stuff just leaks out of my head. We should leave the detail work to Donna. She's got the head for it. I'm more of a big picture kind of guy.

JOSH: She's here because she's invaluable. You're here because your uncle's so powerful I can't fire you. Big Picture.

LISA: Hi. Bad time?

JOSH: I'm on my way out.

LISA: Two minutes.

RYAN: Lisa, right? You work for the Judiciary Committee.

LISA: Staff Director.

RYAN: Ryan Pierce, we met at my office.

JOSH: Excuse us.

LISA: Is he the one who flipped the car in Nice?

JOSH: Yeah.

LISA: When do I see names for Brady's seat?

JOSH: Do you want to let the body cool?

LISA: You’re meeting with Barwald, Girelli, Evelyn Baker Lang.

JOSH: Here we go.

LISA: Whose acid trip is that?

JOSH: Just take a breath.

LISA: The committee’s not going to let the balance of the court hurl wildly to the left. You fill Brady's seat with...

JOSH: It's not Brady's seat.

LISA: It's not your Senate.

JOSH: We're just looking at the field.

LISA: Girelli has a fondness for Vicodin and Evelyn Lang is not an option. Save us all some time.

JOSH: We're some democrats over here. We're not going to nominate a born again elk hunter with a tattoo of the confederate flag on his ass.

LISA: Look at Arthur Lopez or Brad Shelton or Mayra Height. You go with Barwald or Lang and the Senate is going to make the next year of your life a living hell. I tell you this as a person who would be your friend if I was a person who looked for different things in friends.

JOSH: We should do this in more often.

LISA: As often as it takes.

(LEO’S OFFICE)

LEO: [on phone] We don't' hate Asians. No we don't. Justice Wong is more valuable to us where he is. Certainly. Thank you sir. [hangs up] Do a drive-by with Sebastian Cho, Massachusetts Supreme.

TOBY: Yeah. You were looking for me?

LEO: You hear about a congressional delegation to the Middle East?

TOBY: Next month.

LEO: It was Jordan and Egypt. Now they want to add Israel and do a day in the territories and meet with this shadow negotiation crew. State's iffy.

TOBY: As they should be. The Prime Minister is going to go through the roof.

LEO: Not to mention the Palestinian authority.

TOBY: I'll look into it.

LEO: Andy's leading the delegation. Is that going to be a...

TOBY: No. I'm on it.

JOSH: President's on his way. What's up?

TOBY: We hate Asians.

JOSH: Okay.

(OUTSIDE OVAL OFFICE)

DEBBIE: Ah Rina, how goes it?

RINA: These are today's. And Mr. Ziegler says that the President would want this before their 1:00.

DEBBIE: Oh here, you can put it in his hot little hands yourself.

RINA: Ah, this is for you, sir.

BARTLET: Thank you Lana.

RINA: Uh, thank you sir. (to Debbie) It…

DEBBIE: I hate to do this, but it's Rina, sir.

BARTLET: What?

DEBBIE: The girl in the dress with the flowers.

BARTLET: Just now?

DEBBIE: Yes.

BARTLET: What'd I call her?

DEBBIE: Lana.

BARTLET: Who's Lana?

DEBBIE: I'm guessing an exotic dancer from your spotty youth.

BARTLET: I should apologize. Get her back.

DEBBIE: You asked me yesterday how the schedule gets off the rails.

BARTLET: Yeah.

DEBBIE: This is how.

LEO: Good afternoon, Mr. President.

BARTLET: Hey, we make any friends?

JOSH: Maybe Zimmerly, Shelton.

TOBY: Mehldau.

JOSH: Lang was pretty impressive.

BARTLET: The gal from the 4th? Didn't she strike down some stuff?

JOSH: Parental consent for abortion.

BARTLET: Yeah, that's not going to happen.

LEO: She was a red flag to the bull.

JOSH: Well, it's working. Lisa Wolfe from the judiciary committee showed up today spewing all kinds of threats and admonitions.

LEO: About what?

TOBY: Three dems on the committee called, elated we were considering bold choices.

LEO: If the strategy's working, let's get her in again.

BARTLET: You like Shelton?

JOSH: Yeah. Moderate, insightful, gets it.

BARTLET: Let's meet him. Who else?

JOSH: Helen Waller. Beresford Bannett DC Circuit. Ellis Yaffe. Martha Zell. Uh.. Howard Kagen out of New York.

(TUESDAY)

(C.J.’S OFFICE)

TOBY: What are you doing?

C.J.: Nothing.

TOBY: What?

CAROL: She has a date.

C.J.: And she's getting fired.

TOBY: Evelyn Lang’s coming back in for another red herring performance, 3:00. You don't find that annoying?

C.J.: I'll have Carol march the Times by Lang at three.

TOBY: Brad Shelton's in with the President.

C.J.: We like him.

TOBY: Yeah, we do.

(OVAL OFFICE)

BARTLET: E. Bradford Shelton. What's the E for?

SHELTON: Elijah.

BARTLET: That's a burden.

SHELTON: Hence the E.

BARTLET: I hear good things about you from my staff. What did they miss?

SHELTON: My son burned you in effigy.

BARTLET: Did you watch?

SHELTON: I didn't. It was a campus demonstration against American presence in Saudi Arabia. There's a photo in his yearbook. Someone'll dig it up. I thought it would sound better in person than on paper.

BARTLET: I'm not sure it did. Did he burn anybody else?

SHELTON: No, just you.

(HALLWAY)

LANG: Well, I’ve missed you both.

JOSH: We appreciate this.

LANG: I keep running into Brad Shelton in the parking lot. Some say coincidence. I'm not so sure.

JOSH: You have been very patient.

LANG: Well I don't mind. But people wonder why the appellate system is so backed up. We shouldn't let them know this is how I spend my time.

TOBY: Well, if you were less appealing.

LANG: Same to you sir.

(OVAL OFFICE)

BARTLET: Affirmative action is going to be back in the next few years. Let's start there.

SHELTON: What do I know about it?

BARTLET: What do you think about it?

SHELTON: I don't know. Not the answer you were looking for?

BARTLET: Not really.

SHELTON: Unnerving isn't it?

BARTLET: Is there another topic you'd be more comfortable with?

SHELTON: Nothing comes to mind.

BARTLET: Perhaps you should make something up.

SHELTON: I'm not trying to be cagey, but I don't position myself on issues and I don't know what I think about a case until I hear it. There are moderates who are called that because they are not activists. And there are moderates who are called that because sometimes they wind up on the left and sometimes on the right.

BARTLET: You think I want someone who’s gonna vote with Ashland?

SHELTON: I think you are looking for somebody who will vote with him now and replace him later.

BARTLET: And that's not you?

SHELTON: Wish it were. He's a giant. But my allegiance to the eccentricities of a case will reliably outweigh my allegiance to any position you might wish I held.

(ROOSEVELT ROOM)

JOSH: Let's talk a little bit about what the judiciary committee's concerns would be. We can safely say reproductive rights are gonna come up.

TOBY: They're going to say judicial activism, particularly in drori. How would you address that?

LANG: And you're who?

TOBY: I'm sorry?

LANG: Who are you? We're playing committee.

JOSH: This will be coming from one of the 11 Republicans on there. Mitchell -

LANG: You can only be one.

JOSH: We don't need to -

LANG: If you're Webster, the question is 'Where do you stand on Roe v Wade?'. And the answer is 'Judicial ruling shouldn't be based on personal ideology, mine or anyone else's'. If you're Davies, the question is 'How would you approach a D&X case?' because he's the drum banger on partial birth. And the answer is 'I don't comment on hypotheticals'. If you're Malkin, you're from Virginia, so you ask about my decision in drori. I take you point by point from the doctor to the father to Casey to undue burden to equal protection back to Roe at which point you can't remember the question and I drink my water for a minute while you regroup.

JOSH: Will you excuse us for a second?

(OUT IN THE HALL)

JOSH: I love her. I love her mind. I love her shoes.

TOBY: We march her to five senator's offices and they'll be so scared they'll beg us to put Shelton on the court.

(ROOSEVELT ROOM)

JOSH: Sorry. You were vetted by the FBI when you hit the Federal bench, but if we re-opened an investigation....

LANG: I'm a shill, right? Why would you bother with a background check?

JOSH: Humor us.

TOBY: If there's anything that they didn't find...

LANG: Let's see, umm... in high school I snuck a copy of Lady Chatterley’s Lover out of the public library and never returned it. In college I got a marijuana plant from my roommate as a birthday present. And in year two of law school I had an abortion. Can I get some water while you regroup?

ACT TWO

JOSH: Okay. Okay.

LANG: I tell you this so you'd be prepared. It might not come up, but if it did, I wouldn't comment.

JOSH: But if they know, it'll be hard.

LANG: Roe v Wade affords me the right to terminate a pregnancy and to do so, free from all restraint or interference of others.

JOSH: A hearing room....

LANG: I'm told I have a right to privacy. I think this would be the sort of thing it's referring to. I also bet like a drunken sailor during my bi-monthly games of Hearts. Do you wanna talk about that?

(C.J.’S OFFICE)

C.J.: An abortion?

TOBY: Of all the gin joints in all the world....

JOSH: Maybe they won't find it.

TOBY: Oh, they'll find it.

JOSH: Yeah, but who's going to bring it up? The committee, they'd look like monsters.

C.J.: They don't have to. Someone leaks it to the tabloid press, it's a feeding frenzy in 12 hours.

JOSH: She says she can handle it.

C.J.: Oh, okay.

TOBY: Well, we need her. She's the cautionary tale. Without her, we may not get Shelton.

C.J.: You been outside today? We don't hand someone to the madding crowd so they can take the heat off some guy from Indiana.

JOSH: The woman is - you should hear her.

C.J.: What? So she IS a serious candidate?

JOSH: She should be.

C.J.: She's going to be on posters under a headline that says 'Wanted for the murder of 15 million American children'.

JOSH: Let's think about this.

C.J.: Let it go.

JOSH: No. Really, nominees live or die by Roe v Wade. We're playing along with the ridiculous notion that the Supreme Court is a single issue body in a way it hasn't been since, I don't know what...

TOBY: Slavery.

JOSH: Exactly. So she had an abortion. Who the hell are we?

C.J.: You think I like this? You keep this up, somone's going to take this to the press and this bright woman's going to be a checkout counter spectacle. Get her out of the building.

(WEDNESDAY)

(OVAL OFFICE)

BARTLET: Brad Shelton could work for us. I like him.

LEO: So talk to him this afternoon. He's going to start getting calls.

BARTLET: Who else?

TOBY: Wisnewski’s a good maybe. The majority leader’s really pushing him. And Barkham from the 5th, though he has a question.

JOSH: It's a tax thing. We're looking into it.

BARTLET: You still having a love affair with Evelyn Lang?

JOSH: No. Uh, Robert Brant.

BARTLET: How come?

JOSH: She won't make through vetting.

BARTLET: Why not?

TOBY: She had an abortion.

JOSH: Robert Brandt’s on the 9th circuit state. Stan Yancy's worked with him and says he's always kept his cards -

BARTLET: When did she have an abortion?

JOSH: Law school.

BARTLET: Before or -

C.J.: After '73, it was legal.

BARTLET: We discarding anybody else for legal activities?

TOBY: Not yet.

BARTLET: Tonsillectomy? We down on surfing this year?

C.J.: She'd be publicly eviscerated.

BARTLET: 27 million women voted for me. I think they might had in mind that I was going to protect this particular right.

JOSH: We have plenty –

BARTLET: “I like that guy from Florida with the good hairdo, but I want to retain my right to choose, so I'm voting for what's-his-name, married to Abbey Bartlet.”

TOBY: Sir. They're going to make this about her objectivity.

BARTLET: We promised the committee a short list by Friday. I want her name on it.

LEO: Okay.

STAFF: Thank you, Mr. President. (EXEUNT)

BARTLET: That pisses me off.

LEO: Apparently.

BARTLET: We marched her around here all week. The honor of a place on the short list is the least we could do.

LEO: We’re still going with Brad Shelton? BARTLET: (nods)

(DONNA’S CUBICLE)

RYAN: Filling a seat on the Supremes…heady stuff.

DONNA: Don't call them that.

RYAN: My uncle calls them that. So does the minority leader. So does Henry Clark. You know him? He's on the court.

DONNA: You drop one more name and I'm going to staple your mouth shut.

RYAN: (chuckles)

JOSH: There’ll be hell to pay at Agincourt. I've offended the dauphin.

DONNA: Lisa Wolfe called twice. Senator Webster called regarding E. Lang. “What can you possibly be thinking?” Senator Milbank, regarding Lang. “NO NO NO NO NO.” Bertha McNull, “Not a snow ball's chance in...” oh, that's not about Lang. That's about the highways bill.

JOSH: I need a drink.

DONNA: Sun’s not over the yardarm.

JOSH: C.J.'s right.

DONNA: Usually. You want a Black Eyed Susan?

JOSH: Is that a drink?

DONNA: It's a cookie. My mom sent them.

JOSH: No -- Yes.

DONNA: Peanut butter with a chocolate kiss.

JOSH: They’re cat people? [holding up cookie tin]

DONNA: No they're not.

JOSH: These theirs?

DONNA: Shadrach and Meschach.

JOSH: Two cats, they’re cat people.

DONNA: For years they only had one, but he died over Christmas.

JOSH: This is a dry cookie.

DONNA: After what was deemed an appropriate mourning period, they went to get a new one. And my mother liked the abyssinian and my father liked the gray. And they claim that after 39 years of marriage, they’ve outgrown compromise, so they got both. It doesn't make them cat people. The house doesn't smell. Do I have crumbs?

(TOBY’S OFFICE)

JOSH: They pick one. They pick one! That's how we get Evie Lang. And not as a decoy. We put her on the court.

TOBY: Hi.

JOSH: The Chief Justice says he wouldn't step down because the President wouldn't be able to fill his seat with another liberal lion. She's the liberal lion. Ashland resigns, she takes his seat, okay? And we offer the Republican Senate Judiciary Committee the opportunity to hand-pick a conservative for Brady's seat. We put 'em both up.

TOBY: I’m ordering mu-shu. You want some?

JOSH: Listen to me.

TOBY: No.

JOSH: I'm serious.

TOBY: And then we got what, after we hand the Republicans a seat on the Supreme Court with a red bow on top?

JOSH: We have a balanced court. They can't let Brady's seat go to a liberal. So let them keep it. Meanwhile, we name the first female Chief Justice of the Supreme Court in the nation's history. I'm taking it to the President.

TOBY: No you're not. Do not go in there.

(HALLWAY)

JOSH: Trip him.

TOBY: Ashland is 82. We may have an opportunity to put two people on this bench. That's two seats we fill with Democrats.

JOSH: Moderates.

TOBY: What do you care how moderate they are? Two is twice as many as one.

(OUTSIDE OVAL OFFICE)

JOSH: Can I get in there?

DEBBIE: No, just a minute.

TOBY: We don't need him.

JOSH: Not moderate, mediocre.

TOBY: What, Shelton’s not bright enough for you?

JOSH: I want more than bright. If we had a bench full of moderates in ’54, 'Separate but Equal' would still be on the books, and this place would still have two sets of drinking fountains.

TOBY: Moderate means temperate. It means responsible. It means thoughtful.

JOSH: It means cautious. It means unimaginative.

TOBY: It means being more concerned about making decisions than making history.

DEBBIE: Indoor voices please.

JOSH: Is that really the biggest tragedy in the world? That we nominated somebody who made an impression instead of some second rate crowd pleaser?

TOBY: The ability to see tow sides of an argument is not the hallmark of an inferior intellect.

DEBBIE: Toby!

JOSH: What about the vast arenas of debate a moderate won't even address? A mind like Lang's?

DEBBIE: Josh!

JOSH: Let them pick a conservative with a mind like like Justice Brady had.

DEBBIE: Josh!

JOSH: You can hate his positions, but he was a visionary. He blew the whole thing open. He changed the whole argument.

DEBBIE: (sprays water in Josh’s face) The President will see you now.

BARTLET: And you?

TOBY: I think they're going to pick a young, spry, conservative ideologue who's going to camp out in that seat for 45 years.

JOSH: Fine. Two voices are articulating the debate at either end of the spectrum.

BARTLET: Filling another seat on the court may be the only lasting thing I do in this office. Shelton's a great choice. He'll make us proud. And if Ashland resigns in a year, we’ve got a stack of great options. We can't give it away.

JOSH: Mr. President, the first woman in that chair.

TOBY: We go out on some limb here and alienate the Senate, they'll tread water for three years, and we get nobody. The next guy gets to fill Brady's seat.

BARTLET: Take it to Ashland. See what he says.

TOBY: How’d you come up with it?

JOSH: What?

TOBY: The swap-a-dee-doo.

JOSH: There was.... Donna's mom... I thought it up in the shower.

(JUSTICE ASHLAND’S OFFICE)

ASHLAND: Who let them in?

TOBY: Sorry to disturb you, sir.

ASHLAND: Carrier pigeons. Oh -- your flowers. Yeah, we like them.

JOSH: I'm dreadfully sorry about that, sir.

ASHLAND: Oh for God's sake, let us sit upon the ground and tell sad stories of the death of kings. Brady was your age. Eat your greens.

TOBY: He was a great man.

ASHLAND: He was a selfish bastard.

JOSH: You told the President you hope to be replaced by a liberal with the same level conviction that you brought to the chair.

ASHLAND: That sounds like something I'd say.

TOBY: Sir, are you familiar with Evelyn Baker Lang?

ASHLAND: Miss Lang. You've met with her?

JOSH: Yes sir.

ASHLAND: How are you going to get her past the pit bulls? They're not going to like the notion of Miss Lang in Owen Brady's seat.

JOSH: For your seat, if - if - you were to resign, she'd be Chief.

ASHLAND: My seat? What about Brady's?

TOBY: We'd allow the Judiciary Committee to choose someone. A conservative.

JOSH: Would you consider stepping down under those circumstances?

ASHLAND: Sure.

JOSH: We think it might be a viable option.

ASHLAND: Go ahead, see who they pick of their favorite sons. See what segregationist, anti-miscegenationist, Isaiah-quoting, gay-bashing bastard they come up with. Jed Bartlet from New Hampshire had an idea. Uh-oh.

ACT THREE

(THURSDAY, LISA WOLFE’S OFFICE)

LISA: No, I cut this because what he's implying is illegal. Take it back out. [to Josh] Three times in one week. In some cultures we'd be married.

JOSH: Chilling.

LISA: Is it Shelton?

JOSH: He's the front runner.

LISA: Good, are we done?

JOSH: Mind if I shut the door?

LISA: No.

JOSH: How are you doing?

LISA: Ah, super!

JOSH: Feeling good?

LISA: I got a meeting in 4 minutes.

JOSH: I'm going to float an idea here that even I can't believe I'm mentioning and my colleagues definitely can't believe I'm mentioning, and the President would probably prefer I drop completely and if I find it in the Washington Post tomorrow morning, I'll march straight out to the Press Room and tell them the idea came from you. It'll embarrass the crap out of your boss and you'll be on Hotjobs by nightfall.

[THE WHITE HOUSE. TOBY’S OFFICE]

TOBY: There's someone in my office.

RINA: I thought it was your ex-wife.

TOBY: You didn’t want to warn me about that?

RINA: You asked her to come in.

ANDREA: She's cute.

TOBY: Late some night, our eyes’ll meet over the maritime commission report. We'll be at the Justice of the Peace before dawn. You want to talk about this dog and pony show you're attending in Gaza?

ANDREA: Not really. Bradford Shelton.

TOBY: He's on the list. You're not going to Gaza.

ANDREA: I still don't want to talk about it.

TOBY: You're not attending peace talks with a bunch of Israelis and Palestinians who don't work for the Israeli or Palestinian governments.

ANDREA: They may generate some useful ideas.

TOBY: The ideas already exist. The problem is getting the recognized parties to stick to the plan.

ANDREA: So we sit with our hands folded?

TOBY: We asked them for democracy. We should maintain some scrap of respect for the guys who are democratically elected.

ANDREA: If you're really interested in peace, you negotiate with anyone. You negotiate with the mailman.

TOBY: Thanks for tee-ing that up. The mailman can't deliver.

ANDREA: We'll see.

TOBY: No, we won't see. You're jeopardizing this country's relationship with the Likud party and with the Palestinian authority, and it is not an option.

ANDREA: Is that all you've got? There’s no “and what about the kids?”

TOBY: Did something happen?

ANDREA: I'm going away for two weeks.

TOBY: Will they be...?

ANDREA: At my mothers...

TOBY: Good.

ANDREA: Would you have asked?

TOBY: I figured your mother’s, which is apparently....

ANDREA: You say you want to be involved. It doesn't come with an embossed invitation. You involve yourself or you don't.

TOBY: The President would like to remind you that this is a fact-finding mission. Please make it clear to any parties that you meet with that you are not empowered to negotiate for the United States.

[OUTSIDE C.J.’S OFFICE]

JOSH: Is she in there?

CAROL: Hang on. She's getting off.... [C.J. laughs loudly through the door] the phone.... [into speaker phone] you want Josh?

C.J.: Lord knows I do! Josh Lyman as I live and breathe! You want a cookie? They're from Donna's mother.

JOSH: I spoke to Lisa Wolfe.

C.J.: What did she say?

JOSH: I don't want to talk about it. I'm hiding from Toby.

C.J.: [giggles] Nothing. You're hiding. It's funny.

JOSH: It's not funny.

TOBY: Hey

C.J.: [laughs] see? It is.

JOSH: I gotta go.

TOBY: What's going on?

JOSH: C.J. has the giggles.

C.J.: It's your deal. I find it elating.

TOBY: She stoned?

C.J.: I'm fine. I just didn't get enough sleep.

JOSH: You were with Ranger Rick weren't you?

C.J.: Josh spoke to Lisa Wolfe.

TOBY: She give you a name?

JOSH: You are a faithless wench.

TOBY: What's the name?

JOSH: Christopher Mulready. Wait for it....

TOBY: Christopher MULREADY????!!!!

JOSH: There it is.

C.J.: He’s not the....

TOBY: American's Democrats - The triumphant of Socialism.

JOSH: He doesn't like the name.

TOBY: The man wrote a book that flushes the entire doctrine of un-enumerated rights down the -

C.J.: Toilet.

TOBY: …garbage disposal. No right to use a condom. No right to get an abortion, certainly. No protection from electronic searches. No substantive due process.

C.J.: He's what, 48?

JOSH: I know.

C.J.: The left's going to blow a gasket!

TOBY: No separation of church and state.

JOSH: We got problems on the right too. Kogan, Howard, Tondello. They can't vote for a Mulready. Their constituencies are too moderate.

TOBY: Get another name.

JOSH: That is the name.

TOBY: There are other....

JOSH: This is the deal. He's what Evelyn Lang is to them. We nominate the patron saint of a woman's right to choose for Chief Justice. We ask them to ignore an incredibly rich piece of her personal history. We take the name they give us.

TOBY: This isn't going to work.

JOSH: Yeah.

TOBY: It isn't.

[JOSH'S OFFICE]

TOBY: If --- if we were going to try this, what would be the plan?

JOSH: We give the President and Leo the name. We bring Christopher Mulready in. We bring Lang back in, hopefully the two of them woo the pants off the President. And he agrees to the deal without noticing he's standing in the gaze of history, pantless.

TOBY: I'll talk to him.

JOSH: You don't have to talk to him.

TOBY: You have been on about this. It sounds more plausible coming from me. What are you gonna do about the committee?

JOSH: Lisa Wolfe’s gonna take it to the Chairman.

TOBY: I mean the Democrats. I need to get Senator Pierce on board or you get nobody. What are you going to do about Pierce?

RYAN: (singing)'Won't you stay... just a little big longer... '

DONNA: Stop.

TOBY: I thought you were firing him?

JOSH: If wishing made it so. Donna! Send in Elvis.

RYAN: What's up?

JOSH: Come on in, take a load off. I was a little, ah, brusque with you before. I'm sorry about that.

RYAN: Okay.

JOSH Your feelings a little hurt?

RYAN: Not at all

JOSH: Really? Why not?

RYAN: Would this be easier if they were?

JOSH: I said I was going to fire you if it wasn't for....

RYAN: Are you? Firing me?

JOSH: No.

RYAN: Then there's a “sticks and stones” thing that comes to mind.

[OUTSIDE OVAL OFFICE]

TOBY: Finishing a call. I spoke to Andy.

LEO: Anything?

TOBY: No. The National Security Caucus is sponsoring the delegation. We could talk to them.

LEO: We'll deal with it next week. Don't worry about it.

TOBY: We got a name for Brady's seat.

LEO: Somebody workable?

DEBBIE: You can go in now.

LEO: Thank you.

(OVAL OFFICE)

BARTLET: MULREADY!

TOBY: That's the name.

BARTLET: No! Are you out of your bloody mind?

TOBY: Let's sit down and talk about this.

BARTLET: The last time I heard Christopher Mulready's name it was in conjunction with a treatise over the rights of incorporation, and some sort of baloney about the stranglehold the EPA has placed on the endangered species list…

ACT FOUR

(THURSDAY)

[DONNA’S CUBICLE]

JOSH: Ryan in here yet?

DONNA: Not yet.

CHARLIE: Chris Mulready?

JOSH: Yeah

CHARLIE: Dissented on minority set asides. Struck down hate crime legislation. Went after miranda rights. Feeling pretty good about that?

JOSH: It's not a perfect plan. I'm the first to admit.

CHARLIE: The President wants to reiterate, he’s not spending more than five minutes with this clown.

C.J.: The press room is clear. Carol is going to babysit the filing shop. But keep an eye out for roving reporters.

CHARLIE: You're in on this too?

JOSH: We got Lang coming in to meet the President at 7. Christopher Mulready is at 8. The press can't see him. We need a clear shot from the Roosevelt room to the Oval.

DONNA: He's on the short list?

JOSH: He is if she is. We may get both.

DONNA: Oh my god. You're putting my mother's cats on the Supreme Court.

C.J.: You're what?

JOSH: It's just an experiment. She’s on sentry. We’re good.

TOBY: Hi.

JOSH: Don't ever tell anyone that story.

TOBY: We all settled?

C.J.: Lefty’s got the goods. Rocko got the call. Stinky's on lookout.

DONNA Hey!

RYAN: Shall we?

JOSH: Your uncle’s here?

C.J.: Knock 'em dead. Pierce’ll never buy it, will he?

TOBY: Nope.

RYAN: Remember, he's all bark. Just let him holler and wear himself out. He's got the strength. You've got the endurance. Here. [hands over bottle of scotch]. Use it wisely and for God's sake, don't try to keep up. You're way out of your league.

JOSH: Not necessary. Thank you.

(MURAL ROOM)

SENATOR PIERCE: Good to see you, Josh.

JOSH: Senator Pierce, thank you so much for stopping in.

RYAN: Josh was pretty impressed with your floor speech on Tuesday.

PIERCE: Josh can kiss up all on his own. Get back to work.

RYAN: Yell if you need anything.

PIERCE: My nephew behaving?

JOSH: He's a… treat.

PIERCE: Well, he better be. Bugged me for two years to get him a job in this place.

JOSH: Really?

PIERCE: Watch yourself, he's a lean and hungry type. Have someone taste your food.

JOSH: Ryan?

PIERCE: So! Craziest rumor you ever heard running around the committee.

JOSH: Oh, yeah?

PIERCE: Charlie Felson says you want to put Chris Mulready on the Supreme Court. I said anybody who tries is going to find himself in a closed session with myself, the minority leader, and the business end of a two-by-four.

JOSH: You know, we got a 21year old Glenlivet knocking around here. Can I get you a drink?

[DEBBIE'S OFFICE]

C.J.: Lang still in there?

DEBBIE: Oh, she's a big hit.

C.J.: She has to leave. Her evil twin Skippy is on his way.

DEBBIE: I did our secret wrap-it-up sign, which is, I knock and say 'The deputy NSA needs to talk about Japan' and he said 'you talk to him, you've been there' which is true. But it makes me think he's forgotten it's a secret sign.

C.J.: How about "Excuse me Mr. President we need to move on"?

DEBBIE: If you want the job, you're going to have to work on your typing.

[ROOSEVELT ROOM]

TOBY: Apologies. He's running behind schedule.

MULREADY: I imagine that happens. You want to tell me what I'm doing here?

TOBY: Oh, just a hello.

MULREADY: I'm not being impeached?

TOBY: No.

MULREADY: This isn’t a not-particularly-subtle form of intimidation about the gays in the workplace case?

TOBY: That would be illegal.

MULREADY: My point exactly.

TOBY: The President will explain....any minute now.

MULREADY: Hm.

TOBY: But since you mention it, I read your article on Bellington, and I may be out on the fringe here, but I - I don't see how a family values conservative justifies denying committed couples access to the benefits of state sanctioned monogamy.

MULREADY: Homosexual couples.

TOBY: Couples. A couple is a couple.

[C.J.'S OFFICE]

JOSH: Hi.

C.J.: How was Ryan's uncle?

JOSH: He's a blast. Come meet him.

C.J.: He's still here? Oh my God! You're drunk!

JOSH: I think I just promised him a pork barrel roads project on an omnibus bill that doesn't exist. Don't try and keep up. He's got a wooden – a hollow leg. He drinks a lot.

[ROOSEVELT ROOM]

TOBY: It's an equal protection violation.

MULREADY: Homosexuals are not a suspect class.

TOBY: D.O.M.A. denies access.

MULREADY: No.

TOBY: To over 1,000 federal protections.

MULREADY: To what?

TOBY: Survivor benefits under Social Security.

MULREADY: $255.00? I'll write you a check.

TOBY: Hospital decision making.

MULREADY: So talk about power of attorney, not marriage. Besides, the fact that D.O.M.A. doesn't restrict access to marriage.

TOBY: Of course it restricts access. It restricts full faith and credit.

MULREADY: So, Vermont gets to steer nationwide marriage legislation? Vermont?

LANG: Well, this is a sight to see! One of the more unlikely meetings in the history of the Bartlet White House.

MULREADY: It's good to see you, Evie.

LANG: You too, Chris. I came to say goodbye. I wish I had a camera.

MULREADY: Mr. Ziegler was trying to convince me that the Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional.

LANG: Oh, D.O.M.A.? He was trying to convince you?

TOBY: What?

LANG: He doesn't need convincing.

TOBY: I wasn't doing it because...

LANG: He was yanking your chain. He would never uphold D.O.M.A. He may not love the idea of gay marriage, but he hates congressional overreaching, and Congress doesn't have the power to legislate marriage. The issue isn't privacy.

MULREADY: Or equal protection.

LANG: It's enumerated powers. He'll have an easier time knocking down D.O.M.A. than I will.

MULREADY: Lack of imagination on your part, if I may be so bold.

TOBY: You were yanking my chain?

MULREADY: You called me in for a meeting with a Democratic president in the middle of the night. Are you really going to give me crap about yanking your chain?

LANG: Josh Lyman is gesticulating wildly.

TOBY: Excuse me.

[HALLWAY]

TOBY: Where's the Senator?

JOSH: He's in with C.J.. He got me a little drunk.

TOBY: Is he leaving?

JOSH: I think he's getting C.J. a little drunk. How's it going?

TOBY: He's striking down gay marriage bans and she's defending him and they're as thick as thieves and he's a fan of chain yanking.

JOSH: She's defending him?

TOBY: Down is down, down is up.

LANG: I am not... no I am not rewriting Article 1. What I am saying is that a gun free school zone...

MULREADY: Is not a federal issue. In Lopez…

LANG: Lopez overturned 50 years of precedent.

MULREADY: Too bad, they ruled a plain text reading of the commerce clause, does not afford Congress...

LANG: A plain text reading of the Constitution values a “negro” at three-fifths of a man.

MULREADY: Hence the 13th, 14th and 15th Amendments.

LANG: Oh, generous. Thank you.

MULREADY: The relationship between guns and schools and interstate commerce is... is...

LANG: You don't think that the quality of education has a direct affect on the economic...

[DEBBIE'S OFFICE]

TOBY: Is he?

DEBBIE: Waiting to meet a man you're holding hostage in the Roosevelt room.

(MURAL ROOM)

C.J. AND PIERCE: Oh and while the king was looking down, the jester stole his thorny crown, the courtroom was adjourned, no verdict was returned…

JOSH: Ok... ok.... Everyone needs to put down their glasses and pay attention.

[OVAL OFFICE]

BARTLET: You like him.

TOBY: I hate him. I hate him, but he's brilliant. And the two of the them together, they’re fighting like cats and dogs, but it works.

[MURAL ROOM]

PIERCE: You couldn't find a single warm-blooded centrist to put on the court?

JOSH: We've got centrists. We've got six of them plus two staunch conservatives plus Justice Ashland. The one clarion voice articulating a liberal vision. He's going to go and then what?

[OVAL OFFICE]

BARTLET: Well, send him in....

TOBY: Sir…

BARTLET: I said I'll listen to him, Toby. That's going to have to do it.

[HALLWAY]

DONNA: Toby.

TOBY: What?

DONNA: Nothing's happening.

TOBY: Hang on.

DONNA: That's him?

TOBY: Yeah.

DONNA: No tail. No cloven hooves.

[OVAL OFFICE]

DEBBIE: Judge Mulready.

BARTLET: Thanks for coming in.

MULREADY: It's an honor sir.

BARTLET: Please. I understand that you and Judge Lang had a bit of a knock-down-drag-out.

MULREADY: She wants to federalize law enforcement.

BARTLET: Yeah.

MULREADY: I thought it was hasty.

BARTLET: Not your brand of judge?

MULREADY: Quite the opposite. I haven't had that much fun in months.

BARTLET: Really?

MULREADY: Use her, if you can. I'm not sure what all this is about. I suppose a number of people are placated by a glimpse of someone like her or someone like me in these halls. I'm most certainly here for that. But if there’s anyway that you can use her…

BARTLET: It's unlikely.

MULREADY: Who's at the top of the list? ... If I leaked it, would they believe me?

BARTLET: Brad Shelton.

MULREADY: Really?

BARTLET: You don't like him?

MULREADY: He's a fine jurist. And in the event that Carmine, Lafayette, Hoyt, Clarke and Brannaghan all drop dead, the center will still be well tended.

BARTLET: You want another Brady?

MULREADY: Sure, just like you'd like another Ashland - who wouldn't? The court was at its best when Brady was fighting Ashland.

BARTLET: Plenty of good law written by the voices of moderation.

MULREADY: Who writes the extraordinary dissent? The one man minority opinion whose time hasn't come, but 20 years later some circuit court clerk digs it up at three in the morning. Brennan railing against censorship. Harlan's Jeremiad on Jim Crowe.

BARTLET: Maybe you, some day?

MULREADY: They can't put me on the court, just like you can't put Evelyn Lang on the court. It's Sheltons from here on in.

BARTLET: There are 4,000 protestors outside this building worried about who's going to land in that seat. We can't afford to alienate all of them. MULREADY: We all have our roles to play sir. Yours is to nominate someone who doesn't alienate people.

(FRIDAY)

(PRESS ROOM)

JOSH: Where's Toby?

C.J.: Can you see this? [pointing to spot on her blouse]

JOSH: Yeah.

C.J.: It's water, it'll dry.

JOSH: Okay.

TOBY: Ready?

[on the TV in background...]

REPORTER ... have gathered around..... Ashland having served 32 years on the United States Supreme Court, 12 of them as Chief will officially announce his retirement in just a moment.

ASHLAND: (at podium, on TV) Henry Staub retired, and I received a phone call, you were probably learning to walk. It's been an honor to pause in Henry Staub's chair, a joy to spend...

C.J.: (to Bartlet) He’ll take three questions at the most, and then we’re off .

LANG:[to Lang] you ready? [Lang is engrossed in Ashland's announcement] [To C.J.] That's a yes.

MULREADY: So, why a racial preference and not an economic one?

CHARLIE: Because affirmative action’s about a legacy of racial oppression.

MULREADY: It’s about compromising admissions standards.

CHARLIE: That's bull….excuse me. It's about leveling the playing field after 300 years of…

MULREADY: See, this is where the liberal argument goes off the rails. You get stuck in the past. Now you wanna comeback at me with grading is based on past performance, but admission should be based on potential on how a candidate may thrive with this sort of opportunity. And studies show that affirmative action admits have a higher predisposition to contribute to society.

CHARLIE: Hang on, I gotta write this down.

BARTLET: Ah-ah-ah. Hand it over. [to Evelyn] Toby has a daughter, Molly, 10 months old. She's a looker and very bright. And someday he'd like to give her this copy of the 14th Amendment signed by the first woman to ever hold this job.

LANG: Have you got a...

TOBY: Oh... [hands her a pen] Would you mind adding that title?

LANG: That's a bit premature, isn't it?

BARTLET: No.

TOBY: Thank you.

C.J.: Mr. President.

BARTLET: Shall we? [at the podium]

C.J.: Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States.

BARTLET: The honorable Christopher Mulready, nominee for Associate Justice - United States Supreme Court. The honorable Evelyn Baker Lang, nominee for Chief Justice - United States Supreme Court. I look forward to taking your questions.

THE END

#The West Wing #the supremes #west wing supremes #west wing transcript #west wing script #evelyn baker lang #president bartlet #i love her mind i love her shoes

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