#Bored and feeling in an oversharing mood

[bluegekk0]

I've been in such an emotional slump lately. I fear that I upset my friends without realizing and now every interaction I feel like they're mad at me. It's like every time we chat I get the impression that they're annoyed with me, I keep thinking they're being sarcastic and trying to tell me to shut up in subtle ways, but I'm scared of asking cause what if I'm overreacting like I usually do? I just hate it so much. I feel like I'm such an exhausting person to be around and a little voice in the back of my mind keeps telling me it would be better for everyone if I distanced myself.

And I'm also fighting really hard against the idea that people in general are getting bored of me. I know engagement is not everything, I know that drawing for myself should be a priority. It makes me happy, and I draw what I love BECAUSE I love it. But it's so hard for me to not hope for validation and feedback when I've been compared to others all childhood. And it stings so much when a drawing I'm super happy with maybe doesn't perform as well as I hoped (at least compares to the number of people who follow me). I don't know if it's not reaching people here or if it's just getting too repetitive for people to care anymore. Or perhaps people see my self-reblogs as desperate and get discourages from interacting for that reason? Maybe they're right for that.

I've also been looking into and educating myself on the experiences of autistic individuals since I suspect I'm on the spectrum, and I do relate to many of them, plus every test I take indicates that I might be autistic. So in theory, self diagnosing would help, right? I could stop worrying that I'm broken somehow or a failure of an adult, and just accept that my brain simply works differently and maybe even be more kind to myself. That sounds good. But then the doubts keep creeping in. I don't remember if I showed any signs in my childhood, I barely remember anything from it. So what if I'm wrong, what if there were none, and I'm just overanalyzing symptoms or even faking them? How can I consider myself part of the community if there is a chance I shouldn't be there at all? What if I'm just lazy, what if I'm an introverted, anxious loser who put themselves in this situation by being incompetent at everything, now trying to find excuses?

I don't know. There's so many exhausting thoughts that have been dragging my mood down for the past few days. And I guess I'm just waiting for it to pass since I'm so scared of actually going out there and getting help.

Well, there goes another oversharing session. I usually feel bad talking about this with my friends cause I don't want to put them under the obligation to respond. And with how terrible I am at responding to their struggles (not that I don't care, I'm just so, so bad at responding to emotions and putting my thoughts into words that don't make me sound robotic) it often feels too one sided. So I guess this is a way for me to scream into the void and give people a choice if they want to ignore it or respond. I could just write it down in a diary or something, but part of me is hoping that maybe this experience resonates with someone and I'd feel less alone. Or maybe I'm simply just desperate for advice or validation that would feed my ego.

[mncxbe]

could i request something with the superstition of “if you can tie a cherry’s stem, that means you’re a good kisser” and dazai? i feel like he’s the type of loser who’d believe that sentiment

This may be the cutest request I got and YES he would definitely fall for that and would struggle to master the technique. I hope you like it anon♡

Cheri Cheri lady🍒

𝑫𝒂𝒛𝒂𝒊 𝒙 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

Was a kiss all it took to earn a date with you?

𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: fluff♡

It was the end of March and the cherry trees were almost in full bloom in Yokohama. The sweet, honey like scent of the flowers and the rosy petals, blown by a gentle breeze, were enough to make you feel like you were in another world.

Seeing the blossoms was all you could think about all day at work. Dazai noticed your aloof, almost nostalgic mood but didn't bring it up until the two of you left the office.

"Is everything alright? You seemed distant today"

"Yea, perfect actually. I was just really excited to see the cherry trees. Wanna join me?" you replied in a cheerful tone

The man could barely hide the look of surprise on his face. "Sure, I'd love to"

The two of you walked along the crowded streets of Yokohama until you reached Yamashita park. The trees bore a foliage of brilliant green and the air was fresh; it smelt like spring. As you strolled around the park Dazai noticed that pink and white petals covered the ground from place to place.

The cherry trees lined the wide alley next to the river.

"I used to come here with my parents when I was a kid" you began talking "We would sit next to the railing and look at the trees. My dad would often buy us cherries from a shop nearby and I remember they had this slightly sour taste, but nevertheless I loved them and~ oh sorry I'm kinda oversharing now"

"There's no need to aplogize. I like listening to you talk" replied your colleague. You took a seat on a bench under one of the blossomed trees and remained silent as you admired the scenery.

Dazai on the other hand only had eyes for you. He took in your features and couldn't help but marvel at how pretty, how serene you looked. You had a certain glimmer in your eyes, a longing of some sort but he couldn't quite place it. Occasional gusts of wind would blow the pink flowers off the branches; the petals delicately falling on your dark hair. He wanted to brush them off, to tuck a strand of your silky hair behind your ear and caress your face but he resisted the urge.

Instead, a caravan nearby caught is attention. The man was selling cherries. He swiftly got up and made his way to the merchant, buying a bag of cherries.

"Look what I just found" he said with a mischievous grin on his face as he dangled the bag in front of you.

"Thanks. I'm surprised they still sell them here." you replied, popping one of the fruits in your mouth. They had the same sour taste you so fondly remembered...

Half an hour later the sun began to set, painting the ink blue water of the river in a hue of red and orange.

"You know, Osamu. People say that if you can tie a cherry's stem with your tongue that means you're a good kisser."

"To tie? Really? How does it even work?"

He took one of the stems that had been discarded next to you and put it in his mouth. A smile rose to your lips as you watched the man next to you struggle to form the knot. After a few tries he finally got it.

"See, there's nothing I can't do. I'm a great kisser."

"I don't know about that. It's just a saying, it doesn't prove anything" you mocked playfully.

"Well then, how about I do something else to convince you"

His fingers slightly bruhed your cheek on their way to the nape of your neck and he pulled you closer to him, pressing his lips against yours. You softened in his embrace as his other arm went to the small of your back. The kiss was gentle and warm at first, but his tongue eventually slid past your lips earning a soft moan from you.

You felt Dazai smile. Being satisfied with your reaction he quickly pulled away, leaving you gasping for air.

"So, what do you think? I'm quite a good kisser, aren't I?"

You nodded slightly; your cheeks turning a pretty shade of pink. Dazai ate one more cherry before leaning in again, his lips ghosting over the shell of your ear.

"There's other things I can do with my tongue too, bella."

"Osamu!" you snapped at him, playfully slapping his arm. "Don't say that here"

He only laughed, eyes locked with yours. When the sun was almost down you got up and, grabbing the empty bag of cherries, motioned him to get up.

"We gotta go now"

"Why? The trees are beautiful under the moonlight too. We should stay a bit longer."

"That would ruin tomorrow's date, wouldn't it?" you said with a wink.

"A date? Was a kiss all it took to earn a date with you?" he teased but got up and followed you.

"What can I say, Osamu. You're a great kisser."

[elslittlestories]

The Bad Autistic Batch

I've had this in the back of my head for a while and finaly took the time to write it down. It's a mix of observtions and headcanons I guess? On how I feel like the 4 original members of the Bad Batch are all autistic af!

Tech

The obvious one. He said it himself, his brain doesn’t process thoughts and moments the way most people do.

He has a hard time identifying his feelings and therefore tends to push them away and rely on logic and rational thoughts, which always come easy and loud in his mind.

Very gifted, he’s too smart to care about social rules and never bothered to learn cues and small talk. He was created to solve problems, people shouldn’t expect anything else from him. He comes off as cold and obnoxious to most people, always speaks bluntly without thinking of the effect of his words on the person opposite him. Simply because it doesn’t occur naturally to him that some truth might need sugarcoating.

He’s a self-taught everything, with infinite curiosity and thirst for knowledge. He gets bored fast though and will skip from one subject to another as soon as he feels like he’s mastered it. He’ll get REALLY excited if you ask him questions about anything.

He doesn’t care about his looks, as long as it’s practical, he’s good with any outfits. Although, he’ll wear comfy clothes whenever he can. His hair is kept just long enough so that he can slick them back with gel and get them stuck with his goggles’ headband.

To self-sooth, he relies on his sound databank—he can listen to a record on a loop for hours—and mental games such as counting backward from 1 million with only prime numbers. Tapping on his datapad is probably also a sort of stimming.

Outside of his brothers, he has a hard time maintaining a relationship, may they be platonic or not. To start, he doesn’t really understand the concept of different types of relationships. He’s oblivious to most hints of interest and needs someone—Wrecker—to point it out. He’ll panic, be really awkward about it, overshare to hide his fluster…until he figures out what makes you tick and weaponizes it!

Crosshair

In case there were any doubt, he’s a neat freak. He NEEDS his stuff to be in the right place, as much as he needs routine and discipline to control his stress level. Even though his military training has taught him how to deal with the unexpected, he has a hard time dealing with change.

If given the choice, he’d only wear his blacks. The tightness of the fabric is comforting and he doesn’t have to think about assembling an outfit or whatever. He cuts his hair every week, the same exact way, from left to right, then the backside of his head.

He won’t eat new food unless his hunger is life threatening, not because of sensory issues but because his transit is a bigger drama queen than he is!

He’s the most emotionally immature of the squad and used to have the wildest mood swings. He became good at keeping a stern straight face once he realized people would use it as a way to arm him. He’s also the most stubborn: good luck trying to change his mind on anything.

On a general basis, he hates people. Especially the one that wants to touch him! The only person allowed to hug him is Wrecker, because there’s no stopping him anyway. He may go mute when overwhelmed, hence the number of fights he got himself into rather than have a talk. With time and around the right people, he might get better at dealing with his feelings, but for now it’s easier to just avoid people, since they’re the one causing said feelings.

Maintaining any sort of relationship is close to impossible outside of his brothers. It takes a very special person—like Echo—to get his affection and respect. Romantic feeling are out of his bucket list, he finds the concept of flirting ridiculous anyway. If you want to be with him, just say it! He’ll probably reject you, the man has some heavy attachment/abandonment issues to sort out first. Trust Omega to help with that, so maybe one day…

Wrecker

THE emotionally mature one of the squad! Feelings are always intense for him and he wears them on his face. He’ll cry for anything, but since he can break your spine with his bare hands, people usually don’t make fun of him out loud.

He has huge difficulties in learning practical stuff—he was the last to speak clearly and read—and won’t do anything good with verbal instructions if they go longer than 5 to 10 words. He’s good with his hands, though, and once Tech got him into the marvelous world of explosives, he became unstoppable. Even Tech will admit Wrecker is the expert in the matter.

Another thing he was quick to learn, thanks to his emotional awareness and Hunter’s help, was how to read people. If only to stop being played! It might also be the secret to their squad sticking together despite their differences and hot temper.

He’s very open about needing "autistic joy", such as eating his favorite snack, listening to a song on a loop and watching things blow up. It tends to make him look childish. His brothers are very protective over this and make sure nothing prevents Wrecker to enjoying his sweet nothings.

He loves to isolates for an hour or two, to watch his favorite holovids, but is otherwise very touchy feely. Hugs sooth him a lot when he’s stressed out. If he can’t get one, he’ll rely on singing his favorite tune or repeating a word in his head. He used to do it out loud when he was a kid but it drove his brothers mad so he internalized it.

He can handle a flirt, although he has a hard time catching a hint. It’s easier to notice someone’s interest on others than himself, probably because of his lack of self-esteem. He’d most likely be a very clingy partner.

Hunter

AKA the king of masking. He may look as close to normal as a defective clone can be, in control of himself, but take a step into his mind and you’ll be surprised.

First of all, he has HUGE sensory issues, no doubt worsened by his genetic enhancement. He has learned to tough it out and ignore the strong reaction some textures or smell or sounds causes him to experience. But they tend to turn into stress. He’s constantly devoured by anxiety and fear—of anything from touching that one thing that will overstimulate him so much he won’t be able to function, to making a bad call that cause one of his brother’s death—and there’s no amount of spinning his knife that can sooth it.

He relies on rules and discipline to get a sense of control, even though one might argue his sense of both those concepts is not exactly by the book. It tends to help with tuning down his emotions as well. Just like every sensory input is loud to him, his feeling can be deafening and mastering them was mandatory to become the squad leader.

It was with that in mind that he became an expert in social behaviors. Mostly unconsciously, he studied everyone around him to learn how to hold himself and how to read the room. Despite him being naturally introverted, you’ll often find him chatting with the various captains his squad was assigned to work with. Told you, he’s a king of masking.

On the rare occasions he failed to contain his emotions—bursts of anger on the battlefield aside—it came out loud and violent. Took Wrecker to squeeze him in his arms for Hunter to calm down.

One thing he couldn’t learn this way is flirting. He can’t do it for his life, despite being the receiver of numerous attempts from various species. Maybe it’s because of his sensory issues, but the idea of sex is of no appeal to him and he has never felt something strong enough to be called romantic love. That stuff is just not for him, he feels contempt with his brothers and Omega.

Oh, and the bandana is just an excuse for no easy hair routine. Give him one reason to get out of his armor and blacks, and he’ll slip into floppy clothes in a heartbeat.

Last but not least, all four of them have a STRONG sens of justice—although sometime missplaced—and prefers staying home rather than being anywhere else, wherever home may be.

[justsomerandomfanfic]

Hiiii :3 is it possible to request something with either Eddie or Steve from Stranger Things? With a reader who’s deaf and therefore a bit of an outcast? They’re not openly bullied but people avoid/ ignore them and idk just something with a bit of protective energy like Eddie/ Steve defending them against mean people or helping them out in bigger groups and loud environments because others tend to forget or they choose not to talk to reader because it’s tiring that the reader has trouble understanding what’s being said, especially in big groups. So reader always ends up alone and bored at gatherings and parties. I’ve encountered “friends” complaining and refusing to turn on subtitles on tv because it “annoys” them. And people, even friends, are annoyed when I don’t hear them or want to not wear my hearing aids even though they know hearing exhausts me. So I’ve been feeling sorta tired of being deaf and also a tiny little bit down recently..

If you feel uncomfortable or just not like writing anything like that, it’s totally fine!! You can ignore my request in that case 🤍 and I’m sorry for oversharing! I don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable or ruin anyone’s mood!!

This was fun to write, something new and a bit out of my zone, but I loved working on it! I'm sorry this took so long to get out, but I hope you like it nonetheless! <3333

-Chloe

[chibipsycho-v3]

Hello Hello! It's me again!

Heehoo request time/lh

I'm feelin' very hurt/comfort cause anxiety is being a bitch like always. Same peeps from before btw!

Basically, just some general anxiety comfort will do. Whether that's headcanons or a oneshot or both like last time is up to you. But I would like to add a personal tidbit if that's fine.

How they would comfort their partner who's ashamed of how they feel.

I'm sorry if that's a bit too personal or if it's just oversharing in general, I just could use some comfort about that, y'know? Totally up to you if you want to answer this request or not friend.

Have a good rest of your day/night!

*hands together* I am sorry that this took so long to get to you I won't bore you with my RL But I wanted to get these just right before I posted them. I did these in a headcanon style this time, it was the format that flowed- for some reason?

Anyway I hope you feel better, friend. I have some similar struggles from time to time and while I can't rightfully say I know your pain, I feel for you and with you. So we can all sit here and get some comfort from some nice 'bots~

P03 comforting a partner who is ashamed with how they feel

Something is bothering you, P03 can tell. He's not very perceptive with mood changes in others, but he's been around you long enough to recognize it.

At first, he doesn't say anything. He figures if you wanted to talk about it, you would. He does soften his words around you, though.

P03 finally can't take it and he pulls you aside to ask you what the problem is. If someone's bothering you or something, he'd have a few choice words with-!

In the quiet of the backroom, away from prying eyes, you tell him. But once you tell him what's bothering you, his face can't quite settle between sad and upset.

He doesn't say anything quite yet, but- if you were okay with it- he would pull you close and hold you against himself.

He tries to come up with words, but- Oh, he's terrible at this. But you're not feeling good and he's gonna try his damnedest to relieve that feeling.

So P03 tries to offer the words he needed in the past. That he can see you're not feeling good. That you shouldn't be too hard on yourself. That he's proud of your efforts. It may take him a minute (this poor 'bot is awful at discussing emotions, especially his own) but he may even tell you a little about his past to show you're not alone.

Once you've calmed down a bit, he turns his attention to the factory- and calls an early shutdown for the day. His workers are understandably confused, but he tells them not to question it.

He's not going to just comfort and run, he's gonna stick close to you for the rest of the day.

You want to talk more about your problems? He's listening. You want to discuss something else? He's got plenty of subjects and things to distract you with. You want to cuddle? He'll find a blanket for you both. If you want something to eat or drink, he refuses to let you do it yourself and brings it to you.

He wouldn't put this effort out for just anyone, and if pressed by someone he'd deny he did it, but P03 does care about you.

"I don't want you to feel ashamed. I am proud of who you are. Tell that to the thoughts that are trying to scramble you up."

The Archivist comforting a partner who is ashamed with how they feel

The Archivist can tell your mood is off the moment that your demeanor changes. She says nothing in front of others, but as soon as the two of you are alone, she'd ask if you were feeling alright. She wants to give you a chance to talk on your own if you wish to.

If you do tell her what's bothering you, she gives you a look not of pity, but of sympathy. She'd offer a hug if you'd like it, and she squeezes your shoulders gently.

All of her files are set to the side for you. She wants you to feel better, but she doesn't want to overstep a boundary.

But first, your comfort is her priority. That file the Archivist built on you tells her all she needs to help you out. She'll get your favorite drink in your favorite spot with possibly even a playlist of some soothing music to help you de-stress. Any other comforts you need are easy enough for her to get her claw on.

If you need a distraction from your problem, she has no end to interesting subjects the two of you could talk about or things she could show you to take your mind off of things.

She doesn't want to goad you into telling her anything, but she insists that you can tell her anything; she's a really good listener, after all. If you want to be left in solitude, she'll let you calm down by yourself if that's what you need.

But if you want to talk, she's there to listen. The Archivist loves to listen to you, though to hear the hurt and shame in your words, see it in your face… It tugs at something in her circuits.

She'd do anything to make you feel differently, but of course it's never as simple as that. So she tries to understand your position. She might ask gentle questions about why you might feel this way or what she could do to help- but if those questions upset you, she would immediately backtrack.

Your state of mind is her top concern and she tries her best to be attentive and understand.

"You're my sweet partner, and nothing could ever make me ashamed of you. I wish I could change things for you… But I can stand by you through your troubles. Always."

[a-concert-just-for-me]

My therapist says maybe I should share my poetry/thoughts so that maybe people who also feel this way can feel less alone.

That’s corny as hell! but say less lady I love oversharing to strangers online.

Tw: unsanitary, low mood, violence

Rot.

Bored bored bored.

I want to claw the bees out of my chest and pick the rage out of the muscles of my thighs.

Rub the enamel off my teeth and punch the walls.

Nothing is fun and nothing matters.

Not even sad. just empty and bored and alone like smoke.

I someone to hang out with me for a little while and make me more real.

I want someone within arms reach to remind me that the world is bigger than the thoughts in my skull.

Because,

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it really make a sound?

If a person sits alone in her room and no one is around to perceive her, is she even real?

I guess it doesn’t matter. I don’t care.

Tasks are piling up too. and I don’t care.

Food scraps are rotting in my room.

It seems the concreteness of my body and mind only occurs to me when someone else is calling attention to them.

Or when the smell of rot in my room becomes to big to ignore.

In order to solve my problems I must put in effort.

But I’m tired, and surprise:

I don’t care.

I’m not alive anymore.

Maybe I used to be alive but now I’m medication and work and white noise.

I’m tired. but the rot cares.

The room stinks.

It’s telling me that I need to throw the scraps away.

But that’s too much effort.

I’ll take my meds before I sleep.

And go to work in the morning.

I’ll just get used to the smell.

[aorish]

Eh, I'm in an oversharing mood. This isn't bad but it is rather personal, ergo readmore:

the real reason i changed my url is that, uh, my ex and I are still technically mutuals in law via [popular tumblr bot] and even though he's not on Tumblr much anymore he would be so. fucking. smug. if he found out I was trans. so. new name to make it that much harder to recognize me. petty? yeah. but uh, he was cheating on me with a 19 year old, I don't want to give him any possible shit to feel good about.

was getting bored of the old one anyway...

[maddam101]

Welcome

•This is my second blog, idk why I specifically made it but I’m gonna use it for something. Even if it’s for stupid/unnecessary things.

•My personal and OG blog isn’t gonna be as aesthetically pleasing but idc it’s my baby and I like the way it is now. so here, is gonna be the only place I’ll care about the image and visuals on it.

•I would write one-shots but I’m not emotionally stable or emotionally smart/capable of writing romance. There are reasons for it but I’m still learning about it, so for now it’s for private reasons. However, that won’t stop me from sharing my fav songs at the moment (I listen to everything so there’s enough to constantly share). My fav shows, groups, fandom, anime’s, movies, moods, etc etc.

•I’m a fan of almost every fandom you can imagine. Besides furries, 30-year-olds sexualizing and cosplaying as minors from animes (sorry it's a personal problem I have with that specifically), and things like that. (I would never be anything like that but if you are one, don’t take it offensively or personally, I just can’t ever see the reason or attraction to what you like nor will I ever).

•My bday is Jan 1st so I’m like a pure Jan Capricorn, I take that shit with pride too even if I don’t know too much about zodiacs. So if you ever wanna give cool and random facts about them, please do, I love hearing about it. But keep it interesting bc I get bored very easily lol.

•I do say very out-of-pocket things so if you are young and still have to lie about the year you were born to create an account on here, I’d feel more comfortable if you click off, but I know I can’t control you so what you see, read, hear, or find out, is your fault and you can’t blame or take any fault out on me at all even if the root came from me on here. You should’ve known what you possibly can see or find out when you create your Tumblr account. So don’t be a problem we def. Don’t need it.

•also I allow you to vent in my DMs, but do be aware, due to my childhood traumas that have mentally shaped me today, I’m very blunt and can’t give the best advice, I’m more of a fact girlie than an emotional one. So I’ll most likely give some tough love, if you can’t handle it (not in a mean way but in a way meaning, you need to be told gently or kindly) I’m not the person you should be venting to.

•also, I will joke about my absent mother, you can laugh. She’s not here to stop me from making them or stop you from laughing. So don’t feel bad. My trauma is my trauma and I can choose how to act and reflect on it. So I choose to have dark humor. (can't forget about my asshole of a father, boy how I wish he was the one who'd go to the store to get milk 💀. Again, I'm a proud oversharer so leave if you have a problem with it. Like rn. If my humor doesn’t fit with you then don’t comment hateful shit bc I love blocking bitches so try me. N e ways, just scroll past me or leave my blog, I only want good vibes and fun times).

•If you read this all, thanks bc I let Grammarly do the test of the work after typing it and I didn’t read it through all the way, word for word. So congrats (I will later on when I feel like it but not rn)

My personal blog

[mothmage]

oversharing about my mental health bc i treat tumblr as my personal diary xoxo

i’m pretty sure ive been in a hypomanic episode for a Minute now, and i wasnt sure before bc i don’t think ive ever had hypomania before only mania? i think my new medications are working for once in my whole life bc for the past like. six months maybe? ive been So Normal and in the past few weeks i’ve definitely been on the up and up but it hasnt crossed into full mania, it’s literally just like. me but with energy and a little stupider than usual. and i understand how this can be disabling for some people, but considering that mania (for me) usually looks like weeks of deep psychosis, this shit is EXCELLENT. like yes im more reckless and hypersexual and wanting to spend all kinds of money and all that, but i also feel like im able t “moderate” that a little better because i had so many years of seemingly medication-proof manic episodes? i had to like, adapt lol. so i have some systems set in place to keep me from being too stupid especially with money. but like, i have all the energy of a manic episode and all the drive to Do Things with none of the ��hearing the voice of god” or “im someone else and i stole this body and now am stuck in it”. like this shit rocks, i’ve gotten so much done! and i understand that there will be a comedown and it will suck or whatever but while im here?? like again i understand why this isnt a Good state of mind and i dont mean to invalidate anyone’s experience, but i think im just like. well if my mood disorder is going to disorder my moods regardless of what pills i take, i would much prefer it to sort of lessen the extent !! hypomania! and the only time i was on meds that worked 100% and got rid of any episodes entirely i got bored (lol) and got off of them (guy w the “stop taking my meds disorder”: hey what if i stopped taking my meds) so i think this is a good middle ground bc it’s like, life is still fun and exciting and doesnt feel static, but i also dont think im in danger of getting myself locked up lol or like, humiliating myself online or something (tumblr doesnt count bc it’s Faceless)

also probably the best time ever for this to happen bc im getting rejection letter after rejection letter from phd programs i applied to and im literally like “well it will all work out, like everything works out in the end one way or another” :) and i believe that! not necessarily that everything happens for a reason, but everything works out in the end one way or another

[sachisei]

13 I Love About Myself

My passion for creativity never ends.

My sense of humor that either disgusts, scares, confuses, or weirds people out. It's good if I made you laugh, but if I made you feel either of the former moods, then it's the highlight of my day!

That I am not a stereotypical, by-the-book INTJ.

Oh no, what else do I love about myself? I'm starting to run out HAHHAHA. Hmm. Oh. I love that I do not half-ass anything that I do for other people. I don't have it in me to give low quality service, if I don't hate you. I have a sense of pride in that.

I love that my face can't lie, and that my actions appear obvious to people. It worries me if I confuse people unintentionally, cause I'm an open book. I even overshare to the point you'll be sick of listening to me or you'd go "TMI, sachi! TMI!"

That I don't neglect my inner child. I listen to it and actively try to heal its wounds, and also let it live alongside my adult self.

That I strengthened my resolve years back and didn't... quit life. Else, I wouldn't have been able to love myself so much like this, nor get to experience everything that transpired later on. I don't remember how exactly I convinced myself that I can try believing in myself again. But I do remember that I got to where I am now because I waited out a bit more to see what life had queued for me. Turned out it ain't so bad!

I love being a nerd, that I will always pursue learning new things.

I love that I can love being just by myself.

Although it can be frustrating at times, I do sometimes love that I have a blabbering mind. That way I never get bored. But... there really are times when I need it to stay quiet. Really. (Ironically, breakcore does that for me. Amazing.)

I love that I was born in 1999 so that I could experience 2012-2014 as my high school years. You guys know what I'm talking about.

I love that I can be clumsy. It makes people laugh and feel relief, in a good way, hopefully.

I think what I love the most about myself is that I do everything I can to be better than I was yesterday, or not AND THAT'S TOTALLY FINE. AHAHAHAAH

[nialoke]

(A note to OP: I wrote the thing below in reply to your post which got really, really long; and I'm realizing it may feel like I'm trying to lecture you or tell you you should not enjoy casual conversation, or generally tell you how to live your life, which was not my intention. Let me know if you'd prefer I delete my addition and I'll do that and move my thoughts over to my own post instead!)

I make no claims that the following is universal, but what I mean when I say I hate small talk (and my impression is this is true for at least some other people) is... not exactly what OP seems (to me) to be talking about.

1) I don't like the social obligation/expectation to be willing or able or in the mood to talk at any given time. Most of the time, when I am standing in a supermarket queue, to reference the example above, I just finished my shift at work; I am tired, hungry and I have done a *lot* of talking all day. I am out if social battery for the day, and I would prefer not to talk to people any more than necessary, regardless of whether it is about candy bars and the weather, or idk, some sort of existential philosophical quandary. (To be clear, I would not be mad if you tried to engage me in conversation in that situation bc you cannot know that, but I would like some easy, socially acceptable way of saying/nonverbally indicating, "sorry I'm sure you're a lovely person but I am not in a people mood right now")

2) To me "small talk" isn't quite same thing as "casual talk". I personally probably would not consider the funny candy discussion mentioned by OP "small talk". Small talk, to me, is less about the *contents of the conversation, and more about... I don't know, the attitude of the person I'm talking to and their expectations. (Or to be fair, the expectations and attitude I've come to associate as bring connected to certain kinds of questions/"conversation starters". For example, asking questions that are *strictly speaking* kind of personal, but in many situations it feels like there is a limited set of answers I am expected to give and people are upset or confused when my answer doesn't fit their expectations. This is all the relatives kor random strangers that you're stuck with for some reason tbh) asking how you're doing in school (expected answer: good!), what you want to be when you grow up/graduate etc. (expected answer: a) you're supposed to know b) it's supposed to be something "proper") or the people asking you how you're doing, but getting weird when the answer is anything but "fine", or my peers asking about weekend plans who judge me for wanting a quiet weekend to myself. Like, I guess what I mean to say, a lot of the problem to me is less "I hate casual topics" and more "my experience has been that it is not fun or enjoyable (or safe) for me to talk to people in a lot of contexts", (and, going back to 1), because of this I prefer having more control of a situation (and how to get out of it) than I'd have in many casual settings among literal strangers)

3) (Another) very ND point I'm sure, but also often it's just very confusing which things are okay to say during "small talk" and which are oversharing/moving beyond the mundane (whether in an emotional sense of in the sense of "Infodumping" on a topic I'm interested in) (I guess this kind of also meshes with 2) in the sense of "I feel like there's a limited selection of things I'm expected to say here and I'm not sure what they are OR I don't like any of them.

....I guess what I mostly want to say with all of this is, at least for me personally, "hating small talk" is not because it's a "boring obligation". It's because it's often confusing (has social context/rules that yes, do not come naturally to at least some people), can be intimidating, can be potentially very uncomfortable, and often happens in situations (supermarket queues, public transport, at the hairstylist, in the workplace) where there's no easy way "out" if it does become uncomfortable (or you know, going back to 1), if I'm simply *tired*/actually busy with something else).

TL;dr: getting to know people is great, and casual conversation is indeed a great way to get that process started! But there are a lot of reasons people are not always open to it and when I say "I hate small talk" what I personally really mean is "I wish it was (more) socially acceptable to just indicate that at this point in time you are not, no offense intended, maybe another time".

I know this is the Anti Small Talk Website but small talk is one of the most effective social glues out there for getting to know people and forming friendships with them.

When I was just starting out at a job right after college I had a coworker who I thought was the nicest person alive and after a few weeks I realized this was just because she consistently asked other people things like, "How ya doing? Whatcha having for lunch? Got any weekend plans? Seen any good movies lately?" instead of politely ignoring everyone around her.

[pinkbitchxox]

Selfish anti-social introvert

I know I don’t care about much but people get so offended by that. I try to pretend I care but that takes a lot of effort and energy. I need time to recharge. I get caught off guard and snap or spiral into a bad bad mood. I love when I don’t have feelings of guilt or shame but it means I have to be in solitude a lot and that’s boring. I’m struggling with priorities in social time/ work time/ study time. I don’t like talking in the morning or when I have things to do. But even when I want to relax that is something I am busy doing and I don’t like being interrupted. Ever.

Also I can’t keep friendships going once you piss me off or say the wrong thing or once we stop relating to each other. One the one hand yes friends outgrow each other but I’m very quick to judge and cut people off. I can be understanding but no one bothers to explain so I’m left to assume. I didn’t think I was an oversharer in comparison t other people I massively am.

I was triggered into writing today because my sister came over to bother me during my relaxation time after work. And said I was boring (trying to get my own stuff done while she sat anti socially on tiktok). I finally said yes to going out (during the rain) and we went to the shop. On my driveway she called me a lesbian again which was rude especially as I don’t want to keep justifying myself or basically allowing her to bully me. So I said you’re not coming in my house I’m not letting you in you bitch I don’t care about you. She said why. I said cos you keep being rude and calling me a lesbian. She must be so ignorant to my feelings/rude behaviour or just used to allowing abusive language herself. Either way it is messed up and everytime she is rude to me I just let it go. But I’m bored of it. Trying to better myself, constantly. I’m sober. I workout. I study. I have plans. I am focused. I try to have family time. And she is always rude or calling me boring. I may not be interested in her stuff or want to do what she wants but I am not rude unprovoked. She has no reasonable bone in her body.

I don’t care if people see me as undateable or boring or workaholic or head in the clouds dreamer whatever. I don’t care about jokes or sarcasm, we all do it. It’s easy to brush off but outright rudeness or jokes in bad taste. Even if I tell one it feels wrong and I’ll make it known.

I don’t even know what the point in this post was.

#pointless #useless #nofun #introvert #antisocial #indecisive

[cloneslugs]

Like 8 m*jima posts in the top of the tag let's all just quit posting please *stabs my eyes out*

[noxtivagus]

hehehe

[noahssafeplace]

vent post

[1111jenx]

Hey Jenx! If you're up for it can you describe the rising signs but in only short sentences and non-basic like other descriptions?💞they bore me out now:'(

Hey boo!

Ofcourse, I never back down from a challenge HAHAHA Let me try my best! Promise you I won't disappoint youu<3

The Rising signs in short

— a different take ✨

Aries Rising

Knows everything thats happening. Would never say a word unless they really feel called to. Smart but heavily underestimated for how quick-witted their min ds are due to their somewhat laid-back demeanour. Rather have one ride or die friends than a large group of people that don't truly care for them. Lion-hearted. Brave but in the sense that they continually try to do whats "right". Young at heart. Playful demeanour. Intense eyes that stares into your soul. Pretty bubbly and sarcastic when you get to know them better. Lover and fighter.

Taurus Rising

Visual people. Super ambitious. Know how to set boundaries and tend to take the lead unconsciously without others realizing. Adore beauty things in the world. Realistic but also hopeless romantic. Hearts that are so compassionate but can detach so fast if you do them wrong. Charitable people. Always looking to give back to society. Have a lot of people that idolize them. Appear passive and laidback but trust me, they're always in control:)

Gemini Rising

Anxious but humorous. Hopeless romantic and just want something stable and consistent to slow down their minds. Really smart in social context but act oblivious. Subtle but effective people. Hard working and but so much effort in work and in relationships. Need attention and reassurance more than anyone. A lover at heart but comes off very flighty or very scattered. Always feel like they're on the spot in public. People can't help but stare.

Cancer Rising

Realistic than most. Freaks out if they think they can't control that two aspects of life they really care for. Family people but also believes in chosen family. Stubborn and fixed in their belief. Loyal friends, would go to Mars and back for you. Amazing socialite. Affluent people in their community and their voices are usually regarded very highly. Fluent in sarcasm so always felt the need to tone it down sometimes. No filter with their loved ones.

Leo Rising

Warm and very welcoming but will have their moments of shutting down. People think they know them but they actually do not know them that well. Handle stress the best when they're by themselves, being with too much people just make them more anxious. Cheerful and tend to think positively of others but can be very critical with themselves. Make jokes to lighten to situations 24/7. Attract very chaotic people when they're already hella chaotic. Finds protectiveness very sexy. Oversharing 24/7 or literally not talking.

Virgo Rising

Their mother tongue is sarcasm. Will lash out at you if you don't appreciate their honesty. They only say it because they care. Knows everyone but have like 2 people that they seriously trust. Mood-swings wilder than dodo bird. Particular with their surroundings. Can never make them do things they don't want to. Find naivety very adorable. Jokester and always know what to say. Appreciates people opening up to them but they are very self-reliant. Pick themselves up from the ground and can have a lot of regrets deep down.

Libra Rising

Thinks they are either the main character, is the main character. Felt the need to sugarcoating things because you fear others would trauma dump on you again. Appreciate people opening up to them. Friendships that can text one another about every little inconvenience. Do not open up. When they do they only let you know info that can't get back at them because they're very used to people doing them dirty. Breath and attract people like magnets. Seemingly laidback, secretly the smartest in the room.

Scorpio Rising

Not that big on talking when you meet them, enjoy listening to others first. Can be super bubbly and social if you hand them enough shots. Flirty and have a way with their words that make people giggle. Find themselves being with people that are way more intense than them. They enjoy honesty and bluntness. Hate people pleaser to their core but also like when people are mannered.

Sagittarius Rising

Come off as very nurturing without even realizing it. The fun drunk when they allow themselves to let their hair down. Super hard working and have dreams bigger than most. Routine freaks but will run away when emotions come on too strong in relationships. Secretly enjoy romance a lot but would never admit to it. Prefer raw and authentic people. Appreciate emotional and deep people too. Struggles with their own demons but always seek out to help others.

Capricorn Rising

Rarely overshares but when they do they expect you to keep your words. Hate it when people lie to them. Amazing with people and do very well socially. People feel drawn to them without even realizing it. Surrounds themselves with like-minded people. Work-oriented but needs a crazy amount of stimulation. Thinks very logically.

Aquarius Rising

Funny without even realizing they are. Secretly likes clingy and possessive people, this reminds them of home. Don't overshare whatsoever and literally don't share shits unless you have proven yourself worthy. Impulsive more than they look and are big on risk taking. Likes it when people rely on them. Are very scary when they're angry. Explosive and rarely forgets things. Charismatic and people tend to put them on a pedestal. The loneliest hearts are the most beautiful ones.

Pisces Rising

Undoubtedly one of the most interesting people you'll ever meet. Self-sacrificing but will always know that they must value themselves first. Amazing conversationalist and can make anyone open up. Secretive with their business but are very open with their feelings. Needs a lot of clear communication or else they wont be able to process things clearly. Gives second chances often.

— So here are a few things that come to my mind thats not as traditional or basic when talking about the rising signs haha🥳 Let me know if this helps you boo

love,

saint jenx🪐

© 2021 Saintz Jenx All Rights Reserved