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hmhas-00 · 2 days ago

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Ch. 26

Hit Me Hard & Soft

A/N- crying in the clubbbb 💔 like and rb and stay tuned for what comes next!

Remy’s POV

My phone buzzed, bringing my attention to my lap. The screen lit up with a text from an unknown number. I figured it was a scam and continued working.

It was finally February, and I was finally back at the office, running around, getting things done for Joe and unofficially co-writing with Rachel. For months I dove into my work and only focused on my goals, before my end of the year performance review, which Joe had postponed due to my accident.

Life was moving fast recently, not giving me much time to process the other aspects of my life. Eating and exercising were things I often forgot to do. Sleeping was also not a priority. There was so much on my plate, but oddly enough it was comforting.

It occupied my brain and took my mind off of personal life matters, such as losing my best friend, to be exact.

My mother passed away last month. I didn’t shed a tear. It was bittersweet. It was weird to think about. The funeral was beautiful, but small. There were family members giving me their condolences that I haven’t heard from since I was in school. It was odd. There were some people I didn’t recognize that swore they held me as a baby. My dad was there too. He avoided me, probably feeling just as awkward as I was.

That was the day I realized I had grown angry and resentful. All of the money I had sent her had been spent, mostly on rent, but also on unnecessary things. She had a boyfriend I didn’t know about. I wondered why he couldn’t pay for her expenses. He seemed nice. He was heartbroken. I found myself trying to mirror his emotion before my aunts’ gossip turned me into the daughter that didn’t give a fuck about her dead mother.

She passed away from a heart attack. She had a past of abusing prescription drugs. It was a habit she picked up after the divorce. She was 3 years clean.

As I said my goodbyes, I realized I hadn’t talked to her in person in almost a year, when I saw her on her birthday the year prior. Seeing her in the open casket reminded me of when I was in the hospital and she didn’t bother to show, yet I was here holding her cold, unfamiliar hand.

I gave myself a moment to mourn what could’ve been, and said a prayer in my head, only for her. She was religious, ironically enough. I was not. I hadn’t prayed in god knows how long. But, I prayed to the universe that she’d be at peace, forgiven by whoever would try to collect her debts, wherever she was now.

When I got home. I melted into my desk chair, focused solely on my work, and haven’t gotten up since.

That about sums up my life right now.

My phone buzzed again. A text from the same unknown number. I opened it, wondering who it was.

Hey I don’t think we’ve met before. I’m Ellie, Billie’s girlfriend.

I wanted to invite you to a little pre-valentines day party this Saturday at 7pm! It’s also sorta Billie’s going away party before she leaves for Australia this month. She would love to have you there.

I stopped breathing for a second, reading the messages. I hadn’t allowed myself to miss Billie in a month. I hadn’t allowed my self to think about her. All of her things and all of our pictures were stored away so I didn’t fall apart at the sight of them.

I wondered why Billie hadn’t invited me herself. It almost stung. An invite by formality. I guess I deserved that. Maybe this was her way of seeing if I’d show up.

The thought of explaining myself to her again stressed me out. Nothing was ever good enough for her. My goals didn’t matter to her. That’s how I felt.

I’ll send you the details later. Please come.🤍

She texted me again.

*******

A couple days went by before I actually replied. I thanked her for the invite and let her know I would be there.

The day of the party I took hours to get ready. I was nervous like never before. I decided on some light wash jeans and a white baby-tee. I straightened my hair, wearing it longer than ever, as I didn’t bother to trim or freshen up my curtain bangs due to my busy schedule. I did my makeup the way she liked. Tiny, smudged eyeliner wings at the corners of my eyes, blushy cheeks, lined lips with a dark mauve lip tint and gloss over top. I put on a black faux-leather jacket and drove to Billie’s house.

I decided to arrive a few hours late to avoid the awkward period of time before everyone else showed up, in case things didn’t feel right.

When I arrived, the same security team greeted me at the door. They looked surprised to see me, but let me get through without hesitation.

I walked through the entrance, walking through the halls, making my way towards the noise. In the front room I saw a group of people. Neither of them were Billie.

Finneas looked at me and did a double take. Everyone else remained in conversation. I smiled at him awkwardly and kept walking. The last thing I wanted to do was small talk. I followed the noise into the living room, towards the entertainment area. A multitude of people, but still no Billie.

A beautiful girl, wearing a red, flowy, silky dress walked towards me with a big smile on her face. I took in her presence, taken off guard by her embrace. She squeezed me tight, happy and cheery.

“I’m so glad you came!” She smelled sweet and her aura was warm and inviting. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I guess this is Ellie.

The more she talked, the less I could manage to take my eyes off her. I couldn’t put a pin on it, it began to bother me. Then, I realized.

I couldn’t help but notice the similarities between us two. Her hair looked exactly like mine did when I had time to tend to it, her skin was tan, like mine, our smiles and the way our noses crinkled when we laughed… She was a girlier, prettier version of me. She had dainty tattoos on her arms. Not as many as I, but fuck, we were even the same height. I zoned out, feeling as if I were looking in the mirror.

“Feel free to get some food, there’s lots more in the kitchen. Please, help yourself! I’ll be right back.” She said, walking out into the back yard.

Help yourself. As if I didn’t frequent these halls, and help myself all the time. I looked around, the house the exact same way I left it. I walked into the kitchen hoping to get a moment to myself. I realized most of the people here weren’t the usuals at Billie’s parties. A lot of them, I didn’t really talk to much. I poured myself some sparkling water and tried a few bite size snacks.

I leaned back on the counter, reminiscing on the moments Billie and I shared in this kitchen. All the food we made and all the laughs we shared messing up new recipes, and having to clean up our mess.

Suddenly, I saw a shadow from the corner of my eye, causing me to turn and look. A dark haired figure stood in the doorway.

Billie stared at me, looking like she was face to face with a ghost.

I stood up straight, my brows slightly raised and my lips forming an unsure smile.

Billie looked away, her face reading discontent and disappointment, like she was disgusted that I was here. She quickly walked out, leaving me a mess in her kitchen.

I stood in the kitchen, about to cry, about to run out. I kept my composure, taking a breath and trying to understand what the hell just happened. Wondering why I’m here.

I walked out, b-lining towards the guest bathroom, wiping tears off the corners of my eyes, but heard faint arguing as I passed one of the rooms down the hall. It sounded like Billie’s voice. I got closer and eavesdropped.

“Why the fuck would you do this to me?”

Ellie tried to keep both their voices down, “I thought it would be a good thing. I thought the two of you could talk?”

“If I wanted to talk to her, I would pick up the phone and call her, Ellie. God, what the fuck!” Billie shouted.

“Shh! You’re being so loud. Calm down!”

“Don’t tell me to calm down when you invited her to my house without my permission! You know where I stand. You know that I can’t do this right now. And you bring her here two weeks before I’m supposed to leave for tour?”

The way she referred to me as her pissed me off. Like I was a stranger with no significant value to her.

“Billie, don’t be like that! She wouldn’t be here if she didn’t want to be in your life. You just need to talk, you’re best friends. I thought if I got her here, the two of you would-“

“We’re not friends anymore for a reason! I don’t want to see her Ellie! I was doing fine! I was just fine, why did you have to ruin everything I-“

“No, I wasn’t trying to ruin anything, baby! I wanted you to heal! I wanted you to get closure! If you don’t talk to me, I wanted you to at least talk to somebody!” Ellie said, whisper yelling. Billie didn’t match her volume at all. I could hear the anxiety and pain in her voice. I felt like the ex boyfriend that texts out of nowhere at 3am when you’re finally over him.

The way she tried her best to calm her down… I felt helpless hearing it. I wanted to go in and fix everything myself, the way I always did. I wanted to just go in and hug her tight, even if she tried to fight me off. I’d get on my knees, beg her to forgive me, and make a fool of myself, if it meant she’d be okay again.

At the same time, hearing her talk about finally being okay, and getting over me… it cut deep. Because I wasn’t over her. I didn’t even allow myself to process it. I haven’t had time to process anything that’s happened to me in the past few months. I guess I had me to blame for that.

I walked in, standing at the doorway, watching Billie’s eyes fixed on me, stonewalled.

“Hey, Remy, I’m sorry if you-“ Ellie started.

“I thought you knew I was coming. I thought you wanted me here.” I said, looking between the two. Ellie winced, her plan crashing and burning before her.

Billie shook her head, bringing her hands to the crown of her head and turning around, blowing air out of her mouth. She faced the wall, probably wishing she could teleport anywhere but here.

“I’ll see my way out.” I began to turn, but Ellie rushed over, grabbing my arm, pulling me, and pleading with me. Normally I’d have a problem with a random girl putting her hands on me, but I was so beside myself that I didn’t react.

“I’m obviously not welcome here.” My throat tickled. I cleared my throat, feeling that pit in your stomach that makes you want to sob uncontrollably.

Ellie stood in the doorway, blocking me from exiting. Man, she was strong. “You two need to talk. Hear each other out. Billie, fucking come on! She showed up, she clearly cares about you.”

“I didn’t mean to make you upset. I just wanted to see you and apologize.” My voice cracked. I felt like a stranger in her house. The room I had sat in so many times before felt like a cold jail cell.

What a fucking shit show.

Billie swayed, her back turned toward me, quiet as a mouse as she faced the wall.

Billie’s hair was cut differently than before. She wore a blue and white long sleeve, and a pair of wide denim jeans. She threw her little fake glasses on the couch next to her and continued to sway back and forth. I was almost afraid to be in the room with her. Her hands flexing as she opened and shut her fingers repeatedly. Her rings clinked as they hit the others. She cracked her knuckles, her triceps popping out.

Ellie sighed, “I’m sorry, but I have to do this. You need to talk.” She walked out, closing the door.

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hmhas-00 · 3 days ago

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Ch. 25

Hit Me Hard & Soft

A/N- sorry I didn’t post yesterday! My schedule at work got switched around and since I post on the days I don’t work, I totally thought today was Tuesday? MY FAULT BADDIES!!ANYWAY are we enjoying the book so far? dooo we miss Remy yet? what do we think about this relationship… I love to hear y’all’s ideas and theories. feel free to inbox me too! 🤍 like & rb!!

cw// first part is a little 18+ but after the *** it returns to your regularly scheduled programming lmao

Billie’s POV

Unclothed, under my duvet, I was all alone this morning. No Ellie on my chest, nuzzled into my neck, just miles of California king bed.

I was sweaty and my hair was a mess. Following the events last night, we didn’t bother to shower or clean up. We just passed out in each other’s arms after we were both satisfied.

Upon checking the time and seeing it was almost noon, I walked into the shower without even waiting for the water to heat up. The cold stream felt amazing on my skin. I closed my eyes, massaging shampoo into my scalp, stretching my torso side to side, attempting to wake myself up more.

My mind felt much less foggy this morning. No negative thoughts, no overthinking my words, and no revisiting the past. Maybe it’s true… I needed to let it all go.

“You’re up.” A velvety smooth voice snuck up behind me.

“Mmm. I am.” I hummed.

I opened my eyes, turning to face Ellie, who had quietly joined me in the shower, her movements so delicate I didn’t even hear the glass door open behind me. I smiled at her warm presence, the scent of vanilla diffusing in the air as the now hot water hit her skin, and turned into steam.

“How’d you sleep?” She giggled softly, knowing I slept so peacefully thanks to her.

“I was out.” I laughed a bit, seeing how proud of herself she was.

“You were.” She hummed, her voice mellow as she brought her hands to my sides, gently gliding them up and down as the water ran underneath them. Instant goosebumps emerged on my skin. “That’s why I didn’t wanna wake you.” My eyes fixed on her lips as she spoke.

“I’m awake now.” I swallowed, my voice deepening as fleeting images of last night flooded my mind. My eyes wandered down to her breasts when she laughed.

“You are.” She smiled shyly. Shyly, even though she’s nothing close to shy in my bed.

The hot water poured over us as I pulled her in by her waist, our lips only inches away from each other.

“You looked so perfect on top of me last night.” My voice was low, “So sexy.” I kissed her neck gently, giving her shivers.

A satisfied sigh escaped her lips, leaning her neck to one side. “Yeah?” She whispered, her voice barely audible under the loud shower spray.

“Mmhm.” I swiftly turned her around so that her back was pressed against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her, grabbing onto her full breasts, and gently massaging them. “And you tasted so good, too.” I spoke into her ear.

Her chest began to rise and fall, deeply, moaning softly as she leaned her head back, resting it on my shoulder.

“Too bad you didn’t last as long as I wanted you to. I wanted you in my mouth longer…” I teased, beginning to slide one hand downward very, very slowly.

“You’re just that good.” She replied, a smile forming on my lips.

When my hand finally reached its destination, I began to rubbing up and down her slit, separating her lips and feeling her lean completely on me. I could feel her knees begin to weaken at my touch as she took a deep breath in.

“You saying it’s my fault? Should I have gone… slower?” I began to rub her clit in very slow circles.

“N-No.” she moaned, loving every second as my tongue began to lick from her neck to her shoulder.

“What was that?” I bit her shoulder, kissing it to make up for the nibbles, after.

She managed to groan out a solid no. I sped up my circles, feeling her rest her weight on me the faster I went.

“No?” I asked. “How do you want it?” I teased, her desperation turning me on so much. I teased her, placing one finger inside a couple times, then finally letting her have the usual two.

She couldn’t properly form her sounds into words. Especially not when I added my thumb to rub her in circles too.

The bathroom echoed with loud moans and screams for the remainder of our shower.

********

Down in my kitchen, she drank coffee, sitting on the counter in one of my oversized shirts. I ate some avocado toast, occasionally feeding her some fruit salad.

“You know, you don’t have to feel forced to eat only plant based when you’re here.” I chewed on some kiwi.

“Oh, you mean I can have my own spot in your fridge now?” She laughed.

“Don’t get too crazy.” I joked.

She set down her coffee cup, giggling. She looked so cute with her wet, wavy hair. Her cheeks were rosy and her skin glistened with the natural afternoon light coming in through my window.

“So, I looked at your gift.” She murmured.

“My gift?”

“Yeah, the book.” She nodded.

“Oh. That gift.” I looked down at my fruit salad, realizing I’d forgotten all about it.

“It’s a photo album. Like a scrapbook of the making of your music. Your album.” She said, fidgeting.

I nodded, shrugging. “Cool.”

“She put a lot of thought into it, Billie.”

“That’s a first when it comes to me.” I rolled my eyes.

She sighed, “it’s beautiful, you need to see it.”

“I’m good.” I answered.

“Well, just hear me out. She captured your essence and your experience in such a way… The things she wrote about you in there. The memories tied to each photo, Billie. It made me emotional.” Ellie explained.

“She probably chat-GPT’d it.” I laughed a bit.

“No, I’m serious, Billie.” She insisted, “She put a lot of love into it, you can feel it when you see it.”

“Sucks she couldn’t do that in real life.”

“Billie!”

“Why are you defending her?” I sort of snapped.

“Because!” She began, but lowered her voice, trying her hardest to be patient with me. “It’s hard to get you to open up. Maybe that’s why she felt the need to do it thru art.”

I could not disagree more. It wasn’t her fault she didn’t know that with Remy, there was no problem with opening up. We were as open and as honest as can be… Except for what I felt about her. Regardless, it wasn’t hard to be real with her about everything else. I felt safe with Remy. It came naturally.

I shrugged. “I just don’t care anymore.”

“That’s not true and you know it.” She said, her voice mellow, as mine grew more annoyed.

“Why should I?” I looked at her.

“You’ve been friends for so long. She wanted you to have this for a reason, Billie. Maybe this is her way of apologizing.”

“Oh yeah. Sorry everything else was more important than you. Here’s some photos I took! Merry Christmas.”

She ignored my sarcasm, “Well, maybe it’ll help give you closure.”

I sighed, getting up from the table and putting my plate in the sink. I didn’t want to see the pictures. Everything was going so well. I did the thing, and opened up to Ellie, and finally felt good. This morning I felt so… clear. Like I could breathe again. And everything was fine until she brought up the fucking book.

I didn’t want to go back in time and be hurt again. I just wanted to be obsessed with Ellie. In love. Not in lust. I don’t want to mess with my feelings more than I already have.

“No, Ellie. I said no. Stop trying to change my mind. I don’t care about her anymore.”

“How can you say that, when just yesterday you were crying about y’all’s fight? If you didn’t care, why would you even shed a tear.” She crossed her arms.

“Why would you bring that up? It was hard to be that vulnerable with you and you’re gonna use it against me?” I snapped. I felt immediately ashamed of myself for trying to flip it on her.

"I’m not!” Ellie held her hand out, confused. “Baby, I’m not.”

She called me baby. She had never done that before. I didn’t know how to feel about it. I wanted to feel flutters in my stomach, but all I was thinking about now was Remy. And it wasn’t even my fault! God, this frustrated me even more.

“I’m not going to tell you again. I want nothing to do with her. Stop bringing her up, Ellie. Enough.” I said, looking as serious as I could.

“For the record, I didn’t use anything against you. Don’t put words in my mouth.” She hopped off the kitchen counter and walked away, into the hallway, the sound of her footsteps disappearing upstairs.

The way she was so sure of herself, and so immune to bullshit was the complete opposite to Remy. Remy was not immune to gaslighting, and could be easily coerced, especially by people she cared deeply about. That was her weakness. Maybe I took advantage of that sometimes. Maybe I had fault in our argument too.

I rubbed my face, breathing out expletives to myself. I walked over to the stupid box and stared at it before opening the lid and pulling it out. I held the scrapbook in my hands, convincing myself it’d be alright if I peeked. Instead, I put it away and bring it to one of the spare rooms. On my tippy toes, I prop it up on the top shelf in one of the closets, closing the door behind me as I step out.

I made my way upstairs, seeing Ellie scroll on her phone, laying on her side. I climb on the bed, laying behind her, scooping her up into a little spoon.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled.” I wrap my arm around her, intertwining my hand with hers.

She nodded quietly, putting her phone down on the sheets. “I’m just trying to help.”

“I know you are, baby.” I squeezed her tight, pulling her closer to my body.

I lifted my head slightly to see if she noticed what I called her. A smile emerged from the corners of her mouth.

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