#Big move

[quinloki]

Send me some asks y’all.

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Just -

It’s one of those days where like, I broke an egg on the floor and just sat down and cried. I have enough eggs, and I got paper towels and I can clean it up and it’s not a big deal, and I know all this.

But I still just bawled until my cat almost stepped in it, and I could just use a distraction.

There’s not anything bad going on, I’m not having a hard time, and I’m not sick, but apparently I just crying over a broken egg and I could use something different to think about ^^;

[xoglitterbomb]

[divatheawesome]

I haven’t shared in a while . I feel resentment towards him . I tried the couples therapy . I paid for part of it and now it’s his turn and he is not in the least bit interested . I have explained how his loud snoring hurts me and I wake up disoriented , sleep deprived and with massive headache . Yet he won’t quit smoking or do the nose surgery or get the CPAP machine at night to help with his breathing . It’s either I sleep next to him and suffer or we sleep in two separate bedrooms . I told him about the other bed as a temporary solution . But he would rather do nothing than do something . And that is my problem to begin with . I shifted from full time to part time after 6 or 8 months of asking for it to accommodate his new life by a highway in a faraway city . So I wouldn’t cause an inconvenience and ask for another place before marriage . I also resent my parents because I expressed my concerns about the house being in the middle of nowhere and they brushed me off . I spoke up about how far it is from all that I know , work , graduate studies , family and friends . Still they said yeah it will be fine . And it was not fine . I spoke up about how it’s a big house and he doesn’t have the means or I to provide for it . And everyone insisted that I keep working towards it so the engagement goes by smoothly. I spoke up about my concerns that he has no degree in the field we are working in or a plan but still they said it’s okay it will be fine . I spoke up about his parents influence on all of his decisions and they said that’s normal and it will become less when you marry him . I spoke up about the differences of spending between what he was raised to and what I am raised to . And they said it’s okay you will learn to live in a different way . I mentioned that my mother in law is nosy and she tries to have things her way . They said it’s okay it will lessen with time . I mentioned that the engagement is going by too fast and it’s all spent in house preps and marriage stuff and there’s barely time for us . They said oh well the economy is falling apart so it must be the nearest possible date .

And now I’m crashing with the reality where I feel my body is suffering , my career , my friendships and there is no plan for improvement in the future .

I can’t take all those long car commutes in crazy cairo traffic , and be a good phd student , and a good dr at the private practice and run it , and a good academic at university and learn to be a surgeon , and a nice wife that does her daily duties and put up with everyone’s shit .

I’m so down that I kept self soothing for food for about a year . And guess what I became so fat .

I’m far away from my mental health practitioner so I’m without help . And getting a new app takes forever and finding the right fit and starting all over .

And now I have started the job hunt and got myself an offer closer to that house . Now he is considering of selling it to open up his dream project but with no idea how much that project costs or where to move or when . And my life is literally on hold . If he moves then I shouldn’t drop my former employment and bother with a new place that is probably inferior but just because it’s closer to his house and work . If he doesn’t move , then the move with spare me some of the distance but it will take me back to square one in terms of new place new rules and I need to build just to be acceptable and earn rights and prove myself , meet new people and less job stability .

I am just so tired of this shit . My life is not pleasant in the current state . I will still have to go far commutes to private practice phd visiting parents . It’s just two days of less commute .

And i don’t know if it’s worth it . To do all of this for him . It feels like I keep losing parts of myself if what makes me content or fulfilled to fit into the notion of being married .

I can’t always be in limbo . He won’t open up that project with other investors money cause he wants to work for himself but he is willing to compromise on living in smaller space or lesser neighbourhood to do it . After my dad paid for almost all the furniture to fill his place . When to begin with ; I asked him to let go of that place because it would put him at a financial disadvantage . And now after he spent all his money on fixing up a place , he wants me to go someplace smaller and without fixing it up so he can save that money for an imaginary project with no plan whatsoever .

It feels wrong . Why make me twist over sideways ? A change should be for the Better of both us ? Not just one . .

Even that he can’t make a decision .

I am at my parents because I’m sick and I just had an emergency incision and drainage of an abscess . I think it’s my body”s way of saying that’s it I have had enough . It’s literally making me sick running all over the city west and east to try to be everywhere and do everything for everyone . I am sick and tired .

[midnightmoonbeams]

Here is Ankha, still unpacking. Hello, Ankha! Welcome to Vibrantis!

From December 14th, 2020

[wasabi-gumdrop]

local ladies man’s signature move totally useless against autistic monster enthusiast. more on Kabru’s fumble era at 6

[moonscape]

[chloesimaginationthings]

"They call it the MANGLE" - FNAF 2 phone guy

[inkskinned]

having good & true friends will literally save and protect you in a million unfathomable ways. like okay we have written so many times about lovers. but the way a platonic friend laughs and cries with you. the way they hold your hand at 14 years old and at 34. the way they keep a little silver tie to you, touching base over and over and over. how you can go years without talking, only to re-meet and discover: oh shit! you're still cool!

there are people who have been in my life for more than half of it, and i have loved every version of them. do you know how fucking beautiful that is. yeah love will save the world. but the way friends love you is gonna save the you.

[wanologic]

yo danny fenton he was just 19

[junotter]

Part 2 of my modern avatar au, The Gaang (part 1)

[thekingofsorrow]

The way I have let procrastination rule me. But I am 1 week out and I will not let anything hold me back.

Bienvenue à ma renaissance!

[faultfalha]

A large number of stock traders are buying high volume of call options on Guidewire Software (NYSE:GWRE) today. This is an interesting development, as GWRE is not a company that is typically associated with high-volume options trading. Some market analysts are speculating that investors are expecting a big move in the stock price of GWRE in the near future.

[ink-the-artist]

house tour :)

bonus art, lossy versions of the first 2 gifs

[stuckinapril]

One thing I’ve noticed about people in or entering their 30s is they don’t make as many compromises anymore. If someone doesn’t meet them halfway, is not up to standard, is just not where they’re needed to be, they’re just like “ok cool” and they move on from the person. Which is not to say they’re less empathetic or understanding, but more that they have learned that time is their most prized possession and they’re not willing to make massive compromises on it. They are not obsessed w the idea of fixing someone (bc the concept of fixing a person doesn’t really exist). They simply move on to someone who is up to par. I want that. I want to always move w the awareness that time is my most priceless belonging and I can never buy it back. Ever. So I have to use it wisely

[sleepysebris]

felix exuberating theater-kid energy nonstop this season just makes me imagine his pv chat noir design being a parody of adrien's chat noir

[bloominglegumes]

shoutout to idw transformers for having drift