#Big D & The Kids TABLE

[musicshelfwithmustard]

The Music Shelf Holiday Review Roundup

A collection of holiday tunes Mustard, Mister Substitute, and Gimpleg recommend you check out!

Reviews before “Arose Such a Clatter, Letters to Santa” done by Gimpleg “Arose Such a Clatter, Letters to Santa” compilation reviews by JustSomeMustard, Gimpleg, and Mister Substitute. Corvair – I Believe in Christmas  Corvair really impresses with this Christmas song. The sleigh bells dancing in the background throughout the song let you know it is a Christmas song- along with the refrain of…

[chorusfm]

Mustard Plug Announce New Album

Ska-punk legends, Mustard Plug, have announced the details around their 8th studio album, Where Did All My Friends Go?, that will be released on September 8th via Bad Time Records. The lead single, “Fall Apart” is out everywhere you stream your music. Mustard Plug will also be heading out on tour this fall and the dates are below. September 7th @ Reggie’s – Chicago, IL w/ Toasters, Half Past Two September 8th @ Magic Bag – Detroit, MI w/ Toasters, Half Past Two September 9th @ Pyramid Scheme – Grand Rapids, MI w/ Toasters, Half Past Two September 10th @ Grog Shop – Cleveland, OH w/ Toasters, Half Past Two October 6th @ El Corazon – Seattle, WA w/ Big D and the Kids Table, Matomska! October 7th @ Dante’s – Portland, OR w/ Big D and the Kids Table, Matomska! October 8th @ John Henry’s – Eugene, OR w/ Big D and the Kids Table, Matomska! October 9th @ Cornerstone – Berkeley, CA w/ Big D and the Kids Table, Matomska! October 10th @ Catalyst Atrium – Santa Cruz, CA w/ Big D and the Kids Table, Matomska! October 11th @ Goldfield Trading Post – Sacramento, CA w/ Big D and the Kids Table, Matomska! October 12th @ Knitting Factory – Hollywood, CA w/ Big D and the Kids Table, Matomska! October 13th @ Garden Amp – Garden Grove, CA w/ Big D and the Kids Table, Matomska! October 14th @ Nile Theater – Mesa, AZ w/ Big D and the Kids Table, Matomska! October 14th @ The Holding Company – San Diego, CA w/ Big D and the Kids Table, Matomska! October 28th @ Heartwood (FEST) – Gainesville, FL October 29th @ High Dive (FEST) – Gainesville, FL November 9th @ X-Ray Arcade – Milwaukee, WI w/ Something to Do November 10th @ Uptown VFW – Minneapolis, MN w/ Something to Do November 11th @ High Noon Saloon – Madison, WI w/ Something to Do November 12th @ Blueberry Hill (Duck Room) – St. Louis, MO w/ Something to Do December 13th @ Rumba Cafe – Columbus, OH December 14th @ Black Cat – Washington D.C. w/ The Slackers December 15th @ Broken Goblet Brewing – Bensalem, PA w/ The Slackers December 16th @ Brooklyn Bowl – Brooklyn, NY w/ The Slackers December 17th @ The Sinclair – Cambridge, MA w/ The Slackers --- Please consider becoming a member so we can keep bringing you stories like this one. ◎ https://chorus.fm/news/mustard-plug-announce-new-album-2/

[hamstermastersamster]

Chief Irons is for sure utterly unhinged in the RE2 remake, but he just ain't as creepy as he was in the OG game.

Originally, Claire comes across him as a passive non-hostile. You get immediate Bad Vibes from him and his weird fixation with the corpse of the mayor's daughter . . . and then you look around his weird office and private collection room, and you get More Bad Vibes that you have discovered yourself through environmental storytelling, but you don't really find out just how fucked up he is until later when you (again, YOU as the player!) discover his private dungeon. The game shows you, it feeds you clues, but it leaves you to put the pieces together.

Contrast with the remake, where (in scenario B at least) he's openly hostile the second HE finds YOU, vile and swearing and an abusive dick to women and children alike - an obvious enemy. The game screams at us that he's a Bad Guy. We don’t find his creepy office until after we already know this, at which point the reaction is *shrug* “guess that tracks”. And then we even get subjected to diary entries in which he explicitly revels in his guro fetish, just in case we hadn’t had it rammed forcefully down our throat hard enough.

But that isn’t even his final form! We then learn that he's director of an orphanage? That does evil experiments on innocent kids? Right in the middle of the city? While he's promoted as a huge lover of charity in local newspapers?

Okay, okay, game. I get it xP He’s a Bad Man.

This sorta leans into one of my big issues with Resi as it progressed as a series and started adding to original canon, but particularly post-RE3 and in the RE1 remake, and that is . . . it makes Umbrella and its agents cartoonishly evil. The true horror of Resi was never the zombies - they're a side effect of the terrible things that terrible human beings are doing to one another, and amping up the theatrics like the remakes do sucks away all the implicit horror in that slow-burn discovery of the details.

I know the original few games aren't winning any awards for great dialogue and voice acting, but the underlying premise wasn't farfetched at all. In fact, I'd argue that "big pharma company secretly owns huge swathes of American infrastructure, politicians and public figures, and is developing bioweapons under the table because it's rich and ethically bankrupt, and is covering up/oppressing attempts to bring that to light" is MORE believable in this day and age than any other! The clue is in the (Western) franchise name! It's RESIDENT evil, it lives here right with us, under our noses!

But the characters and the monsters and the scenarios just increasingly veer into the cartoonishly silly in some of the later games. I feel like it started in Code Veronica (which, okay, I DO love, but I can still have complaints about it xP) with Ashford's OTT theatrics (’crazy’ people are simply not as scary as ‘sane’ people deliberately doing horrible shit), and Wesker’s transition to his Matrix persona. RE4 with its cult (wandering away from scientific threat and into the occult) and its tiny manzombie antagonist. Absolutely fucking everything about RE5 but ESPECIALLY Jill randomly getting turned into an evil bulletproof kung-fu master until you successfully grope a parasite or whatever out of her cleavage.

After which I completely stopped playing new Resi games until the HD remake era, hoping that we would get back to the more grounded aesthetics and narratives of the OG games. But then there was whatever the hell RE Zero was all about (opera singer leech monster on a train say whaaaat? Whyyyyy D:). And in the RE1 remake, adding all that unnecessary shit about the Spencer family and Lisa Trevor and just . . . ughhhhhh. The more they pad out the lore, the less I like it xD

Maybe that’s a controversial opinion, I don’t know. Lots of people love Resi for its cheesy, silly, unbelievable nonsense, to the point that it’s almost become part of the franchise aesthetic. But I do feel that, in the early games, it was perhaps unintentional, and they just doubled down on it later. And if you like the cheese, you know, more power to you! Personally I just really love to see Umbrella treated like a serious threat, and it kinda breaks my immersion when I’m about to kill Evil NeoWesker for the 65 millionth time and he opens combat by dramatically throwing his sunglasses slow-mo into my face.

It’s funny, though, I’ll give you that.

For the most part, RE2 remake does a decent job of remaining as realism-grounded as the original. But it definitely felt like a narrative mis-step with Irons. He was much more fun as a sinister creep than an in-your-face monster. I wasn’t going to right away, but maybe I’ll play through the Claire A scenario and see if they handle him with any more subtlety in that.

[nearlynoticed]

I've been doing some reflecting and processing over some things that are weird to me. I love my parents and I certainly didn't have a "bad" childhood, but as I get older (and- let's be honest- quarantine has both given me time to reflect and really just amped up all the mental issues) there are some things that bother me... (Incomplete just what's popped in my mind this morning.)

I'm 26 and still do not have a driver's license. My 25 year old brother got his at 23 I believe. My 21 year old brother doesn't have his yet, nor my 17 year old sister. The other is 14 currently, but I'm sure as heck the pattern will continue. I used to think I was the fuck up big sister who failed at being the good example this time. Aunts made fun of me when my cousin who is 10 years younger than me got his. But my dad never made time to help any of us learn (now he's addicted to drugs and that's been the trouble for brother number 2 for this year at least) and my mother would have anxiety the moment we pulled out of the driveway and start screaming. I live in a city with good transport now so I don't need to drive, but I get so anxious now just sitting behind the wheel let alone doing anything. Even if we had help learning, we couldn't forget for a second that there was no money for insurance or cars anyway, if we asked to go driving my mom would mention it. I could only get a job close enough to walk to and my $7.25 would go back to them

And the not driving? That kept us from doing anything. We'd go to school and come back. I can count on one hand the amount of times I went out with friends as a teen. I never went to any parties, movies or anything.

Which is one thing, but a whole different beast when I also could not have anyone else over to my house. My mom wouldn't allow it. Some kid come over and see her "messy" house? Her "junky" old furniture??? She couldn't handle it. Sometimes she'd agree, but there's be a weeklong freak out before the set date (could only ever be done in advance) we'd deep clean everything, but the worst was hearing her complain about it. SHE EVEN DOES THIS WITH OUT OWN FAMILY, just mutters that she wishes the wouldn't come. Like God this didn't dawn on me how much this affected me but damn

I wouldn't say mom is OCD per se, but she does have her own set of obsessions and compulsions. There are certain lights in the house that make her irrationally upset?? All of us kids actually preferred those lights because we could see better for doing homework at the table etc, but she'd storm in yelling and turn the lights off in the middle of whatever we were doing, and switch to some dim lighting that "doesn't show your finger prints on everything"

My mom comes from a crazy religious background. If we went to visit her family I had to wear only long skirts/dresses, long sleeves, no jewelry, no makeup, no haircuts. She was so worried about what her family would say about her and her kids. We had to put on this charade. I was 16 when I got on Facebook in 2010 and my mom had one too, but she was afraid of people finding me and thinking she had raised some godless heathen whore with pierced ears. I was 18 when I got my first hair cut.

"You hate me?" Oh fuck this one should have been painfully obvious from the start but it didn't click until my bf said something like this semi-jokingly and I started tearing up and then I realized how often my mom did this. (I told the boy to not do this again btw) see also "you don't love me?' "I'm a bad mother" "I can't do anything right" and various things about going to hell. It was half her controlling my behavior and half her putting me in control of her mental and emotional health.

My mom had five kids. Even though she was a stay at home mom still had some parentification issues as the eldest daughter. They literally called me "mini mom". Free built in babysitter (now my baby sister babysits other people's kids for money but I never got to do that because I was busy watching them lol) I had to be the one to give siblings the sex talk, and tell my sister's about periods. It was talking to my brothers' teachers about their grades. It was my mom making me straight up do projects for my autism spectrum brother because it was easier than her sitting down and helping him. It's " can you talk to your brother. He's been graduated for two years and doesn't know what to do " "Maybe you can talk to D and figure out what's going on with him" Its me living ten states away and feeling guilty that I've abandoned them.

I was literally such a good kid never gave anyone trouble but mom still snooped through my room and DUG THROUGH MY TRASH. Mom also hated closed doors.

Now that my dad's addicted to meth and my parents are divorcing they did this thing where they started by hiding everything from me since I'm far away, then dumped it all on me at once, then started treating me like their therapist!!!!!!!!!

My dad was more absent and working so a lot of this is directed at my mom. I love her and understand that her childhood was actual hell. But these things still got me fucked up and I'm trying to o put in work to make sure I don't perpetuate anything!

[jungshookz]

a thought just came to me and i had to share- ceo y/n finding pics of yoongi in college (think 2013/14 yoongi) and lOSING HER MIND then finding out he used to be a soundcloud rapper in his spare time and she’s just is just like wtf!!?!?! bc he is a COMPLETELY different person and old age rly changes a person

→ pairing: min yoongi x reader

→ genre: ceo!yoongiverse!!!!! y/n is all heart-eyes emoji over uni!yoongi!!! and she can’t believe he bleached his hair once upon a time!!!!! 

→ wordcount: 1.9k

→ note: hi i LOVEd this and i had to write a drabble for it and also i want everyone to know that i have a rly big crush on 2013 yoongi 

(gif isn’t mine!)

                                           ★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

you don’t know how you’ve never stumbled across this box before

but oh boy

you just hit the jackpot babY

it was an accident, really

you were just trying to find one of hwayoung’s spare blankies because she’s spending the night with jimin (it’s date night for you and yoongi!!!)  

so you went into the storage room and started going through the boxes because you couldn’t find it in her closet

and this shoe-box certainly didn’t look like a blanket was going to be in it but you figured it wouldn’t hurt to check

and that’s when you found the hidden treasure

“what… in the world…?” you whisper to yourself as you pull out a dusty CD

you flip it over to read what’s scribbled on the front

‘agust d - mixtape by suga’

“mixtape by suga.” you mutter before narrowing your eyes and giving the cover photo a reaLLy good look

is that…,,.,. is that yoongi?

you recognise his eye lol

…but also why is his hair bleaCHed

you shake your head and set it aside before continuing to rummage through the shoe box

the next thing you pull out is a vEry worn out looking notebook

oOH

is it a journal

journals are supposed to be personal but let’s be real

ur super nosy

you probably won’t be able to read anything but you’ll look through it anyways lolz

you flip through it and your brows knit together when you notice that these aren’t diary entries

they’re.,.,. song lyrics

most of them are in korean (obviously) so unfortunately you have no idea what you’re reading but luckily there are some english lines

“…my tongue technology?” you tilt your head

what does that even mean

okay

how about the little stack of polaroids  

let’s just take a look…

“oh my god. oh my god!!!!” you practically squEal as you flip through the stack  

oh my goodness!!!!!!

a baby!!!!!

he looks so young!!!!!!!!

jesus he’s cute

not that he’s not cute anymoRE but like

wowie

anyways

maybe you’ll give the cd a listen after jimin comes by to pick hwayoung up

you can’t help but wonder why yoongi’s never showed you this stuff before

you tuck the photos back in the box before picking it up with you as you get up off the ground

you can’t waIt til he gets back >:-)

“y/n?”

you perk up when you hear the front door slam shut and reach down to turn the stove down on a little

time to get this show on the road

you wipe your hands off on the tea towel before scurrying out of the kitchen to greet ur hardworking husband

“jimin swung by to pick hwayoung up already?” yoongi furrows his brows when he spots hwayoung’s playpen with nO hwayoung in it

darn!!

he was hoping to see her before she left for the night

“mm, you just missed him.” you smile softly and yoongi leans in to press his mouth against yours in a sweet kiss “how was your day?”

you giggle softly when he circles an arm around your waist and starts planting teasing kisses down your jaw

“it was okay… you know, the usual.” he pulls away to give you a quick kiss before pulling his suit jacket off “how was yours?”

“it was alright.” you shrug and bend down to pick his backpack up off the floor “i wrapped hwayoung’s hair up in a little ice-cream towel after i washed her hair and i took a picture of it to show you!!! dinner will be ready soon but… do you want any tea or anything?” you hum and plop his bag down on the couch

“mm, i’m good.” yoongi loosens his tie and shakes his head “i’m going to hop in the shower… you should join me.” he suggests slyly and reaches over to wrap his fingers around your wrist

you giggle when he leans in to kiss u again and the back of your knees hit the arm of the couch as he pushes you back gently

“i have to keep an eye on dinner”

“just turn the stove down for a while” yoongi hums and hooks a finger into the waistband of your shorts

you smack his arm gently

“gO take a shower… suga.”

yoongi freezes

he pulls away from you and his dark brows knit together

did you just-

is he having hearing problems or something because he swoRE he just heard you say-

“what did you just call me?”

you wiggle out of his grip

“i don’t know, agust d. what did i just call you?” you bend down and pull a shoebox out from underneath the coffee table

yoongi pales

o god

a smile creeps onto your face and yoongi pales when you flip the lid off before pulling out a vEry familiar looking notebook and CD out from it

o gOD

hoW DID YOU-

“where did you find that?”

“in the very, very back of the closet.” you sigh happily and open up the notebook

yoongi immediately reaches over but you move away before he gets the chance to snatch it from you

there’s a moment of silence

all of a sudden he practically lunGEs for the box but you grab it and hug it to your chest before scurrying to the other end of the couch

yoongi lets out a groan

“y/n.” he raises a brow “hand me the box and nobody gets hurt.”

you take a step towards the staircase

yoongi does the same

“over.. my… dead… bODY-!” you immediately make a sprint for the staircase and yoongi hOT on your trail

you’re practically cackling with glee as you bound up the stairs before bursting into the bedroom

“give it to me you brAT-“

before you get a chance to shut the door you feel yoongi’s arm snake around your waist and pull you backwards and the box goes fLying up into the air before it (thankfully) lands on the bed

“you know i already looked through the box, right?” you laugh lightly and glance back at yoongi

he lets out a quiet groan “…of course you did.”

“i couldn’t help it!!!!” you sit down on the edge of the bed and yoongi sits down on the other end

“and i bet you have a lot of questions for me, don’t you?”

“oh, i have a million questions for you, suga.”

the two of you start cleaning up the tiny mess and you smile lightly as you pick up another picture

yoongi clears his throat

“back in uni i used to…” he pauses as he flips through his notebook

it’s so weird going through this book again after years of it collecting dust in the closet

it’s weird thinking that he could’ve become a rapper instead of a businessman lol

“i used to be a soundcloud rapper and stuff buT i don’t know it’s not a big deal and also looking back it’s actually kind of embarrassing liKE i wrote a line in one of my songs about taking someone to hong kong because of my tongue technology but-“

“how old were you in these pictures??” you coo as you look through some more of the pictures

what a heartthrob!!!!!!!

yoongi leans over to look at the photo

he purses his lips in thought

“like… 20?“

aH

so he would’ve been in his third year of university in these pictures

…oh you definitely would’ve had a crush on him if you guys went to uni together

if he was in his third year yoU would’ve been in your first year

you snort at the thought of 18 year old you drooling over 20 year old yoongi

it’s not much different to 24 year old you drooling over 26 year old yoongi now but still

“now, c’mon. put that away so we can go and take a shoWer-“

you gasp when you look at this next picture

jesus chRIST

you flip it around so yoongi can look at it and his face flushes

“…are you wearing makeup?”

“…it wasn’t mY idea okaY-“

“take it easy on the eyeliner next time!!!” you cackle as you hop up on the bed and wave the pictures around “oh yoongi you hAVe to let me frame these-“

you start bouncing up and down on the bed and yoongi snorts

“you are a child-“

“A to the G to U to the STD, A to the G to U to the sTD-“ you pump your arm up into the air as you continue bouncing around wildly “-woAH-“

yoongi whaCks the back of your knees and you buckle immediately

you can’t help but grin as you flop down on the bed and land on your back

you love teasing yoongi normally and noW you have so much new material to work with

yoongi settles in between your legs and pins an arm above your head

“you are insufferable.”

“it’s nothing to be embarrassed about!! i actually think it’s kinda sexy” you hum and reach up to run a hand through his hair

he hums and turns to press a kiss to your palm when you cup his cheek

“you do not think it’s sexy.”

“no, i’m serious!! are you kidding me?? 18 year old y/n would’ve dropped to her knees for you like that if she found out you were a somewhat successful soundcloud rapper.”

yoongi snorts and rolls his eyes as he crawls off of you and gets off of the bed “cut it ouT y/n”

you grin

you will never cut it out

in fact you’re going to amp it up a little bit just because you :) like :) pushing :) yoongi’s :) buttons

you watch as he starts to unbutton his shirt and you toss the pictures aside before getting on your hands and knees and crawling towards him

“aw, come on… i’m just an innocent little freshman who wants you to take her back to your soundproof studio-“ you purr and get up on your knees

you lean in and press your mouth against yoongi’s as your fingers undo a button

“oh yeah? what else do you want?”

a little role-play never hurts and yoongi will very happily play along

“want you to take me to hong kong with your tongue technology-” 

yoongi immediately lets out a groan

help me help you make your wishes come tru (aka send me a request)

drabble tag

[jatne-jezra]

Character D&D Class

Rules: Bold what definitely applies, italicize what sometimes applies.

Tagged by @synicalchaos​

Sawyer “Dusty” Spence - Bard

picrew used - https://picrew.me/image_maker/114808

𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙸𝙰𝙽 »   toothy grins, stories around the campfire, clothes covered in pet hair, hot temper, old jeans, heartbeat in head, potatoes and steak, beaded jewelry, bruises like galaxies, mementos, backpack stuffed full, craigslist furniture, spontaneous road trips, air ripped from lungs

𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙳 »   homemade bread, white lies, easily excited, trying on hats, band geek, pep talks, no impulse control, sunsets, vintage fashion, long showers, selfies, following dreams, rosy cheeks, song mash-ups, pink lemonade with tequila, loves easily, animated storyteller, full of comebacks

𝙲𝙻𝙴𝚁𝙸𝙲  »   list of wishes, biting their tongue, band-aids and neosporin, shoulder to cry on, morning sun, necklaces, trial and error, homemade quilts, formal clothing, astrology fan, messages in bottles, pleated braids, speaking up for friends, feathers, motivational quotes, vivid dreams

𝙳𝚁𝚄𝙸𝙳   »   bird watching, shy kid, wind chimes, trying to whistle, summer camp, apple orchards, lost in their head, glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling, hoodies, thrift shopping, saving worms off the sidewalk, pig latin, bare feet, thunderstorms, numb fingers, braided hair, naming potted plants

𝙵𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃𝙴𝚁   »   goosebumps, leather jackets, adventure, chewing nails, cares deeply but can’t show it, bronze locks, no sleep, taste of iron, netflix binges, never forgets, combat boots, stories behind scars, table for one, official soundtracks, sore calves, trusts themselves the most

𝙼𝙾𝙽𝙺   »   always trying to be better, wanderlust, meditation, sweat pants, old photographs, yoga, sleeping in hammocks, nostalgia, minimalist design, a breath of fresh air, baby animals, volunteering, perfectionist, doesn’t care about fashion, healthy snacks, noticing the little things

𝙿𝙰𝙻𝙰𝙳𝙸𝙽   »   school uniforms, thick jackets, sleeping with the windows open, logical advice, scrapbooking, compasses, i fight for my friends, sculpture gardens, cold morning air, big soul, likes routine, secret romantic, last to get jokes, sunflowers, practical presents, misty weather

𝚁𝙰𝙽𝙶𝙴𝚁   »   herbal tea, smell of rain, blinking away tears, camping trips, collecting bones, swiss army knives, first impressions, anxious thoughts, bobby pins, burnt marshmallows, too competitive, clothes lines, messenger bags, holding grudges, gets along better with animals than people

𝚁𝙾𝙶𝚄𝙴   »   flirtatious sarcasm, candid photos, lost phone chargers, adrenaline rush, picking dirt out from beneath their nails, social chameleon, clashing clothes, self-deprecating jokes, claw machines, sits in chairs wrong, smudged eyeliner, has too many sunglasses, eats nothing or everything

𝚂𝙾𝚁𝙲𝙴𝚁𝙴𝚁 » infectious laugh, family trees, shivers down their spine, lipstick and roses, mood swings, clumsy, believing in destiny, high expectations, sleeping in darkness, collection of nail polish, passionate, good grades but never studies, poetry books, blowing kisses, not knowing their own strength

𝚆𝙰𝚁𝙻𝙾𝙲𝙺 »   knowing everyone’s secrets, backpack covered in pins, envy, being in walmart late at night, earl grey, selective memory, conspiracy theories and cryptids, key smashing, need to know basis, can’t cook, bags under eyes, experimental art, flickering bulbs, black clothing all year long

𝚆𝙸𝚉𝙰𝚁𝙳 »   piles of textbooks, cat in lap, keeping a diary, indecision, scented candles, studying alone in a café, lingering touches, museum dates, unanswered questions, taking on too much responsibility, collections, chalk dust, comfy robes, unnecessary apologies, coming home after a long day

don’t really have anyone specific to tag so just anyone who wants to do this can!

[docholligay]

ultrace replied to your post “BUT A FUN QUESTION FOR TODAY”

While a lot of these are great responses (DICE), I would throw a party for family and the few friends I have who are not family. A buffet of food. A few hundred dollars of booze available. Rock Band on tap as well as a gaming table or just a place for people to sit and drink and watch "those fools" at the other happenings.

I admit this kind of surprised me as I figured you’d get a 3D computer thing, but I like this answer a lot better!! I COULD HELP YOU PLAN A FUCKING BALLER PARTY. 

rhiorhino

replied to your post

“BUT A FUN QUESTION FOR TODAY”

Also I absolutely would get an Actual Haircut with a fucking rainbow dye job and some sweet tailored suits

I SUPPORT THIS. Suits are so great. 

rhiorhino

replied to your post

“BUT A FUN QUESTION FOR TODAY”

D I C E

YOU GOBLIN

keyofjetwolf

replied to your post

“BUT A FUN QUESTION FOR TODAY”

@docholligay​ I HAVEN'T PRICED A TRIP IN FOREVER SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S REASONABLE FOR THE PRICE. Maybe Vegas, fuck it.

Yeah Vegas would be totally doable! We could have a great few days in vegas for 2,000 and live pretty wild! I’d do an out and back trip where we just lose our minds for like, two days. 

MORE ANSWER BEHIND THE CUT

quantum-lesbian

replied to your post

“BUT A FUN QUESTION FOR TODAY”

probably getting myself a fancy tailored suit or on dnd dice & campaign books!

WOuld you get like, those fancy custom dice? I looked at those when I was thinking about doing Michiru because, you know, she would, but WOOF

its-decido

replied to your post

“BUT A FUN QUESTION FOR TODAY”

I forget what it’s called, but Amtrak does a pretty cool scenic trail along the west coast (and into Canada I believe). I’d pick out a few cities along to way to stay in and write that baby off as a “research trip” for writing or art research come tax season. One thing about being a creative working person is that the job can also be 100% fun XD

oooh I love the idea of a train trip! I love Amtrak, I’ve taken the Empire Builder more than once. Which cities would you stay in? 

kin-kaze

replied to your post

“BUT A FUN QUESTION FOR TODAY”

Go to Hawaii and do something involving sharks. Should be fine.

My wife has ALWAYS wanted to take me to Hawaii

moonlight1130

replied to your post

“BUT A FUN QUESTION FOR TODAY”

ooo, no or take a cooking class or two

oooh what would you learn how to cook? 

tymp3st

replied to your post

“BUT A FUN QUESTION FOR TODAY”

I have to admit, the idea of having two thousand dollars is kind of leaving me with static. Not being able to use it for practical things even more so. It would probably go to having some kind of massive shopping trip when con season rolls around again and/or renewing my dice of the month box. That doesn't even feel like it could account for half of it though.

WELL IT DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU BUY AT A CON., Or you could travel to a con! 

moonlight1130

replied to your post

“BUT A FUN QUESTION FOR TODAY”

or do something dumb like fly out to star wars land

ahahahahah that is dumb i love you

moonlight1130

replied to your post

“BUT A FUN QUESTION FOR TODAY”

I'd go to a super fancy restaurant and order everything I wanted and get dressed to the nine

YUSSSSSSSS FEMME DATE???

sittingoverheredreaming

replied to your post

“BUT A FUN QUESTION FOR TODAY”

My first instinct is to say I’d buy more tacky impractical clothes (I LOVE suit jackets that shimmer or are velvet or have bold designs, that sort of thing) and then use the rest on some excuse/occasion to wear them, but I can’t think of what that would be

Oh my god please yes buy tacky tacky jackets and then like, tickets to a ball in NYC or something!! 

shavedjudomonkey

replied to your post

“BUT A FUN QUESTION FOR TODAY”

I'd probably build a nice computer. That or use the money to fly out and visit friends I only know via Discord.

UNtil Nikki was building a computer I had no idea how easy it was to blow 2000 on a computer. 

tjwock

replied to your post

“BUT A FUN QUESTION FOR TODAY”

I now realize that probably sounds like I’m going to start growing weed, and while that is probably an excellent investment on silly and fun I really meant I could have a space where my cannas and dahlias could start growing properly before the long winters end

ahahahah IT WAS AMAZING THOUGH. I think greenhouses are amazing! I wish we had one, I’ve though about getting old windows and building one

tjwock

replied to your post

“BUT A FUN QUESTION FOR TODAY”

I’d get a green house. And fill it with all the green things.

cakeandpi

replied to your post

“BUT A FUN QUESTION FOR TODAY”

Silly and fun... I'd probably get most things from my games wishlist, then commission a bunch of art for both me and my friends

I love original art! 

pouncequick

replied to your post

“BUT A FUN QUESTION FOR TODAY”

The idea of having $2000 and not being able to use it for something practical is honestly breaking my brain. Probably a vacation of some sort--a national park or someplace where I could do a history deep dive. And a new cat tree.

Oooh can you think of which park you’d like to see? Jill and I are thinking of doing Denali next. 

madegeeky

replied to your post

“BUT A FUN QUESTION FOR TODAY”

And probably some more really geeky SM clothes and accessories because some cause of that shit is cute but so fucking expensive.

At that price you could just get shit MADE for you

madegeeky

replied to your post

“BUT A FUN QUESTION FOR TODAY”

If you mean only stuff and not trips, then I would buy that Queen Beryl dress because holy fuck that is extra I cannot justify it normally but with 2k it is mine. And then probably a lot of dresses, especially elegant gothic lolita clothing because that shit has the best prints but is expensive as motherfuck.

Have you looked on ebay for gothic lolita stuff? Idk EXACTLY what you’re looking for but I’ve seen a bunch on there at more reasonable prices. 

madegeeky

replied to your post

“BUT A FUN QUESTION FOR TODAY”

I would go to Orlando, FL and stay in this super cheesy hotel that Mr. Geeky stayed in once, that's done all in over-the-top 50s decor, has a bowling alley, an arcade, and a huge cafeteria instead of a little breakfast bar. Then probably Universal Studios because why the hell not but I have to admit the hotel is big draw. That or to California to see the Winchester mansion because, hell, have you met me? XD

WHAT HOTEL IS THIS I MUST KNOW

hemiscyra1983 replied to your post “BUT A FUN QUESTION FOR TODAY”

OH WAIT NO the money would definitely go to a new Disney Princess costume and wig who am I kidding

THIS SOUNDS LIKE THE CASS I KNOW

thoughtfulfuri replied to your post “BUT A FUN QUESTION FOR TODAY”

Probably commission some art. Maybe some display shelves! Certainly some more figuarts and stuff like that. A cute and ridiculous cat house! Probably just a bunch of fun stuff. I'd say *maybe*. a road trip but I don't know if that would meet the 'silly' criteria. XD

I think road trips can be silly! I fucking love a road trip. 

spyderqueen replied to your post “BUT A FUN QUESTION FOR TODAY”

Well the 3' tall Cherno Alpha model I saw in a comic book shop would definitely be among the purchases

AHAHAHAH that’s amazing

themiscyra1983 replied to your post “BUT A FUN QUESTION FOR TODAY”

I mean, probably a trip. I'd pay for a trip somewhere. Maybe to NYC, which I've never seen much of despite it only being a few hours away by bus.

YES! GO TO BROADWAY

[okietokiee]

from the 45 otp prompts, 25 w skwistok? :D

25. “I can’t be mad at you.”

This prompt is so cute and became long, shameless Fluff :’) 

Skwistok / Anniversary 

Skwisgaar was extremely proud. Though that was arguably his default mode, he had an extremely valid reason at the moment (other than being the fastest guitarist to ever grace the earth). 

His and Toki’s one-year anniversary had been fast-approaching for the past month. But now it was finally the day-of, and he was the most prepared he could ever possibly be. 

He wasn’t known as an esteemed playboy without good reason; he truly was a romantic at heart. And, though he could admit past romantic endeavors were mostly shallow and just a means to an end, he could honestly say this time was different. This time he was out to woo Toki and absolutely reinvent the world’s idea of romance. In a good way. 

And it started with an -eughhh- healthy breakfast in bed. 

After a klokateer handed Skwisgaar the impeccably prepared tray full of assorted fruits Toki was annoyingly fond of in addition to his favored brand of sugary cereal, Skwisgaar was on his way. 

Toki was still deeply asleep, spread out like a starfish smack-dab in the middle of Skwisgaar’s four-poster sized bed, where he had previously left him to retrieve his first surprise. 

The swede smiled fondly and set down the tray by the bed, plopping down and peppering Toki’s face with a multitude of quick, sloppy kisses. 

Toki was slowly stirred awake, and he giggled, returning Skwisgaar’s smooches with his own. He even started making some moves bring his kisses a bit lower, and he was incredibly surprised when Skwisgaar stopped his movements with a small push and cough. 

“Whats wrongs?” Toki asked, sitting up and stretching his sore muscles.

Skwisgaar grinned. “I gots yous breakfast,” he declared, as he picked up the tray from the floor and set it on Toki’s lap. 

To say Toki was confused would be an understatement, but he was never the type to look at a horse’s gift on the mouth. Or however that phrase went. Especially when that horse was an incredibly sexy Swedish guitar God with a tray of Toki’s absolute favorite foods to start the day with. He wasted no time and was munching happily. Skwisgaar even humored him and was currently eating a crisp red apple with no complaints. 

“Afters yous done gets yous swimsuit readies, we goinks somewhere,” Skwisgaar said with an air of nonchalance, sneaking glances at his boyfriend. 

“Where’s we goins Skwisgaar?” Toki asked after finishing his glass of orange juice. 

Skwisgaar smirked. “You’ll sees.” 

An hour later, if Toki’s excited, ear-splitting screech was anything to go by, he was pleased with this surprise. 

“I can’ts believes you buys de whole Splasharoonie Water Parks!” Toki yelled gleefully, already tearing off his clothes and eyeing the tallest waterslide. 

Skwisgaar gave a nonchalant hand wave. “Pfft, it no big deals. Nots dat expensives anyway. Besides now we cans come here whenever we wants,” he finished with a smile. 

And though both boys could rest assured that they could now visit the famous waterpark whenever they felt like it, the day was not wasted and by the end of the day they both tried every waterslide at least twice and were comfortably exhausted.

After a couple hours of lying close together on a beach chair, idly playing with each other’s hair and laughing about any stupid subject or observation that comes up, Skwisgaar surprised Toki once again. 

“You hungries?” Skwisgaar asked, combing his fingers through Toki’s chocolate locks. 

“Starvings! You wants to heads back nows?” Toki answered, sitting up a little. 

Skwisgaar grinned. “Nos, stays down, I gots it,” he said as he grabbed his Deathphone from the nearby side table and sent a quick text. 

Within minutes, a group of Klokateers approached and began setting up a picturesque picnic right in front of them, complete with a woven basket, Norwegian delicacies, and a generous assortment of booze. It was heaven. 

Toki was both incredibly overjoyed and completely bewildered now.

“Skwisgaar…”

Skwisgaar beamed, expecting his well-deserved praise and kisses right about now. “Yes Toki? It’s nice, ja?”

“Ja, it’s amazings! Buts…” 

This caused Skwisgaar to pause. He gave his man a scrutinizing stare. “What ams wrong? Dey forgets de stinky herrings? Gotdammit! I tolds dem dams klokateers-”

He was cut off from his rant by Toki’s light tugging on his arm. “No, no! It ams absolutely perfects! It’s just…”

Skwisgaar was confused and frustrated now. “Whats? Spits it out.”

Toki was flustered and finally got out a strained, “Why?”

For a painfully long moment, Skwisgaar had no idea how to respond. He briefly considered the idea that Toki was pulling his leg, and he let out a scoff. “It ams obvious you dildos. You knows what days it is.” 

Toki still had that annoyingly confused look in his big blue eyes. “I’m sorries Skwisgaar, what’s you mean?”

That was definitely the straw that obliterated the camel’s hip, and Skwisgaar angrily replied, “Our one years anniversaries you dildo!” 

Toki paled. “That ams today?”

Skwisgaar let out a frustrated groan. “Yes, it ams been on dis day for de past, I don’t know, year?” He said snidely, his good mood ruined. “I can’ts believes you forgets!” Outraged, the Swede pushed Toki off him and stood up, marching away.

Toki scrambled up, chasing after his boyfriend and trying to apologize. “Toki ams so sorries Skwisgaar! I aments goods at rememberings dese tings, and I didn’t realize you was de type to wants to celebrates dis!” 

Skwisgaar abruptly turned around. “Of course I wants to celebrates today! It’s my first anniversaries with someones I-” Skwisgaar paused, cutting himself off. He flushed red with anger and maybe a hint of something else. “Euuuuughh, it don’ts matters anymores… I ams goinks home…” He finished dejectedly, blocking out whatever fervent apologies and promises Toki made. 

The following day was full of Skwisgaar, understandably, locking himself up in his room with just his guitar for company to sulk, avoiding the object of both his affection and ire in every way he could. 

It was also full of Toki desperately trying to make it up to his man, in whatever way he could. He’d already caused the deaths of 2 klokateers after an attempt at baking Skwisgaar a cake, and he was prepared to lose more if needed. 

But his current plan (to the relief of his manager and employees) did not involve any potentially life-threatening machinery. 

He was dressed in a strikingly similar fashion to his Steve Vai phase years ago, but this time in a blindingly bright, glittery red 4-piece suit with his flying-V tucked under his arm. 

He looked cartoonishly absurd, and the rest of Dethklok was not blind to that. 

“Er… Toki, you sure Skwisgaar will appreciate this, uh… what are you doing again?” Nathan asked, already pretty used to the Scandinavian couple’s lovers quarrels. 

“I’m goins to serenade him,” Toki declared proudly.

Pickles gave a big laugh, and walked up to give Toki is supportive clap on the back. “You gett’em kid. He’ll love it.” 

Murderface rolled his eyes and mumbled vaguely encouraging, vaguely insulting platitudes Toki’s way. 

Toki, emboldened by his friend’s support, marched confidently up to Skwisgaar’s door and gave it a hard succession of knocks. 

“Gos aways!” Was his only muffled reply. 

With a nervous sigh, he plugged his guitar into a nearby amp brought by a klokateer and he prepared to make a complete and utter fool of himself. 

Within moments, the halls of Mordhaus was flooded with the smooth, dramatic sounds of Air Supply partnered with Toki’s broken, tone-deaf english. Which was quickly followed by Pickles’ barely contained laughter. 

“Ams all outta loves! Ams so losts wivouts you! I knows you was rights-”

Toki was so lost in the sappy music, he didn’t even notice as the Swede’s door slowly creaked open and the object of his desperate love slowly stepped out into the hallway to bear witness to his passionate tribute. 

As he finished with an intense improvised guitar solo that honestly rivaled his best live shows, he was surprised to hear the melodic laughter of his song’s intended recipient. 

“Skwisgaar!” Toki cried, throwing his guitar aside and shamelessly wrapping his arms around the taller man. 

“Toki ams so sorries! I never wanteds to forgets our anniversaries! I does anyting-”

He was cut off with an abrupt, fiery kiss from the Swede himself, and when they both separated after a long, amazing moment, he completely forgot what he was saying. 

“Toki… I just can’ts be mad at yous can I? You dumb dildos,” Skwisgaar said fondly, holding his idiot boyfriend in his arms. 

“Sos yous forgives mes?” Toki asked hopefully, smiling widely. 

Skwisgaar laughed. “I guess, afters a performance likes dat. Why can’ts you play dat well in rehearsals?” He teased. 

“Oh, shuts up,” Toki laughingly replied.

He playfully shoved his Swedish boyfriend straight back into his room where he followed, and he made sure to shut the door tight. 

Within moments, the halls of Mordhaus were filled with even more romantic sounds, although these sounds were more reminiscent to a dirty video than an 80s love song.

- - - - -

I guess I don’t really know what drabble means?? I’m sorry this ended up wayyy longer than originally planned ;-; But I was overtaken by the sap and needed to write it LOL 

Also, I blame @little-murmaider  for her Skwisgaar loving Stevie Wonder hc, because now I’m an absolute sucker for Skwistok interacting with soft, painfully sappy love songs

[dndeed]

Critical Role Miniature Rollout C2E55

With Andrew Harshman

An archive and review of the miniatures used on Critical Role.

So I watched this at the Emerald City Comic Con live stream viewing. For some time I’ve been very eager to experience watching CR with a crowd. But after this harrowing series of combats, I’ve had my fill of pulse pounding live-watch stress! I think I’m good for awhile. I kid of course, I look forward to the watch gathering I can attend. Even so, this was quite the intense episode.

Keep your friends close, but not not too close when demons are about, it’s time for Critical Role Miniature Rollout Campaign 2 Episode 55!

The List

Dungeons and Dragons Condition Markers by thelukec

Dwarven Forge Mountain Cliff Pack

Dwarven Forge Terrain Tray Multi-Pack (Rough Stone/Water)

Dwarven Forge Caverns Deep Assorted Pieces

Dwarven Forge Caverns Chasm Pack

Dwarven Forge Natural Bridge Pack

Dwarven Forge Resin Cavern Set

Dwarven Forge Caverns

Dungeon Lair Fire Pot With Removable Fire

D&D Spell Effects: Wall of Fire & Wall of Ice

Steamforged Games Critical Role Miniatures

Master Steamforged Games Critical Role Miniatures

Rise of the Runelords #016 Alu-Demon

Wrath of the Righteous #039 Arueshalae

Monster Menagerie #021 Bryn Lightfingers (Invisible)

Rage of Demons #051 Human Wizard (Invisible)

Wrath of the Righteous #035 Half-Fiend Minotaur

Rage of Demons #005 Quasit

Wrath of the Righteous #016 Demonic Familiar

The Monsters

Armanite Wrath of the Righteous #035 Half-Fiend Minotaur

Woh boy this mini is metal! Sweet gear, crisp sculpt, powerful stance. Cannot get enough of this fiendish minotaur! I’m gettin’ a case of the Nott style vapors just lookin’ at this minotaur. Totally relate to her experience meeting Sunbreaker Ulaman. Talk about a brilliant boss monster. This figure has the scale and table presence to really amp up that big battle atmosphere. 

Quasits Rage of Demons #005 Quasit and Wrath of the Righteous #016 Demonic Familiar

If I were choosing figures for my own game, in this instance I would favor mini quality over mini accuracy. The official quasit is the sort of figure that shows up in one of those old “schadenfreude bad miniature paint job” forum threads (if anyone remembers those). I’m sure some of the models I’ve painted would qualify. Paint aside, this figure has very little definition. The creature’s claws for example are rounded and hardly resemble hands at all. And there is a gnarly mold line running right through the model’s torso. 

Demonic Familiar on the other hand is a well executed small prepaint. This model actually has distinguishable fingers. There are even little holes in the wings. The pose is far better as well. Much more character in this devious devilish stance.

Say you’re a wizard, witch, or warlock shopping for a familiar. You pass by the arcane familiar pet shop and you see these two in the window. Which one are you gonna pick? Demonic Familiar every time!

Closing Remarks and Predictions

I’ve got minotaurs on the brain, so I’m going to go ahead with a wild minotaur-related prediction. Combat with Sunbreaker Ulaman next episode and the appearance of either a medium or large size category minotaur mini. If medium, I am predicting Guildmasters' Guide to Ravnica #040 Boros Reckoner and in the event of a large figure Maze of Death #044 Minotaur Labyrinth Guardian. 

Both these models have cool swords and cool spell effects. I’ll admit this prediction has more to do with wishful thinking than any logical minotaur fiend theory. Surely the Mighty Nein would be better off with a combat-less next session, but what can I say, I’m selfish and I demand more miniature battle action! 

#criticalroleminiaturerollout

[diaryofasupergroupie]

Groupie Initiation (pt. 2)

My awakening of the previous night brought me into a state of need and urgency. I remember not being able to believe that people behaved like that. People would meet each other open the doors of the tour van and ravage their lips. I was never religious but getting kissed like that made me believe in sin. The school girl I still was left me replaying the words from the previous night over and over in my head. We have more shows this week, you should come. How dare he invite me to a world I knew nothing about! How dare he kiss me like I was a woman and then leave without telling me an address, a number, a time. At the start musicians will expect you to do all the leg work. You are a complete nobody no matter how pretty or funny or outrageous you are. They are a whole lot of somebodies – an immediate power imbalance that nobody in the scene wants to talk about.

I searched Myspace – now you have an insight on when I entered the scene - and I rifled through magazines and found their gig – a bus ride away. My sense of danger has never been good. Taking risks comes natural to me. I caught a bus that night all fishnet stockings, borrowed heels and hopeful eyes. I didn’t have my bus fair home. I didn’t tell anyone where I was really headed. All I brought was my cousin’s lipstick and a lighter. It was going to be a conversation starter with L and then the whole band. We would all joke about it and then D would kiss me again. The mind set of a teenager that obsessed with music and this new scene she had found was making her delusional. These were all also things no one should ever do. Each one of them could get a fourteen year old girl who wore her heart on her sleeve killed – besides maybe offering D a lighter.

I found the venue and headed in the equally dank, dark, grimy shoebox of a place without any ticket or money. My little heart was pounding and the only thing pulling me forwards was the way that the music had touched my soul in a way nothing else in my short life had. The man inside asked for my ticket. He was a huge bouncer like man that scared the life out of me. I actually came to know him quite well later – he was old Army and has three kids, two in university. I probably took a deep breath or maybe I stopped breathing all together. Most likely the latter, I used to panic a lot. “My tickets are inside.” I squeaked out and he let me past but regarded me with dangerous suspicion. I had broken the first barrier but I didn’t know enough about getting to the band to know what the next one was. Even that wouldn’t fly if I tried to enter the scene now.

Roadies were setting up onstage and were shouting orders while the early fans waited. They were barking at each other and flitting past security and through a doorway. They all had stickers on with their name written in scribbles. Tour laminates only really took place when bands start progressing. When they’re not big enough the expense is always too much. I didn’t have one of the stickers so I hung around the stage. My head went from side to side like an animal with paranoia someone was going to kick me out and leave me wanting. Eventually a group of them went backstage and I followed close behind. The best way to get back your first time is to blend. But that wouldn’t be possible now, security is so much tighter. You need to know someone to get back there. That’s why you can’t use this post as a guideline. It’s a lot harder now and you can’t just sneak backstage, especially if you’re not in a shoebox of a venue.

I followed the group of men wearing tired clothes and the door opened. Out walked D and L. D saw me and grinned. He was never charming back then, he was unapologetic. He called out to me and gave me a hug making the frenzy of anticipation that had held me all day get loose. Then I was pulled back and the big tough bouncer type looked down on me. I felt like all my hopes had been scattered, all my wishes had been dashed. I was here. I had everything in my grasp. “She’s with us.” D said. I felt like I had really achieved something. He let me go and I clung to D like a toddler clings to its mother. He gave me a quick kiss to remind me I was here and it wasn’t all just something I had made up in my head.

He took me to a room where the band were and I knew it was real. It’s a hard thing to describe to someone who has never been backstage, even in those tiny little rooms in those tiny little venues. Backstage isn’t a place, it’s a feeling. This time I’ll talk about that room and not the ones you get in arenas. It was tiny with a table for booze and some fold up chairs in the corner. There was a bowl of skittles balancing on an abandoned kick drum that someone was pouring cheap vodka into. The people are packed in like sardines and you can feel everyone’s breath when you make your way forward to get a drink. D poured me some vodka with soda and I took an unhealthy gulp. I had only drank a handful of times before. There were band guys on one side of the room, girls on the other and the odd one had fought through into no man’s land. It was like a school dance, except much edgier.

D asked me what I thought and I didn’t know a cool way to say everyone here were beautiful people who drank and smoked and did other equally rebellious things while I was pretending to be one of them secretly thinking about my curfew. I told D that it was cool but I had done this tons of times. He called me a liar. Everyone in the scene knows everyone, even the American girls know the British girls. I didn’t know that then though. He called over one of the girls in no man’s land and she was my first every experience of what a groupie was. There are different kinds of groupies, two kinds were there that night. There are those who wear tight dresses, too much make-up and are there to sleep with the band. Today they would just be called band whores – them suck off the band to name drop type girls. Then there were the other girls – the flower child, psychedelics, no bra, dreaming of the 60’s type girls. She was one of them girls who walked on air, that Woodstock type. She was a magical pixie with red wavy hair that brushed her waist. She was like Ariel on acid. Her skinny arms wrapped around me and pulled me to her chest engulfing me with her free spirit she would throw around like confetti and that clung to everything around her like glitter.

Her name was V. She was fifteen pretending to be eighteen. V linked arms with me and led me through the mass of bodies. She had a line of blue WKD bottles that were entirely reminiscent of a certain time and a certain place. In my ear she whispered a commentary to the backstage debauchery that in retrospect was very timid compared to what it would be like when the crowd changed later. There were girls standing in one corner who looked glamorous and alluring with long eyelashes and breasts that filled out their bras. They were with another band, a much bigger band. They were the old ones who were retiring. Groupies have a sell by date with anything over twenty eight getting thrown in the used pile. Everyone talks about the size of Connie Hamzy’s balls but no one actually wants to be her – on her knees, sucking off the singer, guitarist, drummer, bass player, tour manager, roadie and intern at the age of fifty. V and a couple of other girls were the next generation. They were first generation – groupies who didn’t know anyone. First generations are the ones who made their way backstage because of their own resilience. They were committed to the cause.

I said earlier that backstage isn’t a place it’s a feeling. Backstage is loud music, free beer and freedom. It is dancing on tables, junk food mixed with spirits, girls being pulled onto the knees of men who have guitars resting on the other. Backstage is the spirit of the music industry, the good parts without any of the deadlines or trivial interests. I was fourteen and out of my depth but I knew backstage was a place filled with geniuses and their muses doing what felt good because it felt good. That is why you can’t separate sex, drugs and rock’n’roll. You do what feels good. It is a selfish place.

D pulled me out with him when he went to go out. The older girls were watching me like disapproving mothers. D was their son and I was his shiny new toy. Who knew when he would use me and get bored? If you let them they will. He pushed me against the wall of the corridor in front of everyone and kissed me as he did before. His lips were against mine and everyone saw. God, I thought I had made it. I felt so important. He treated me rough and did what he wanted, no wonder I was always left wanting more. I was a girl who had been raised to take a peck on the cheek and he was showing me the reason we were born with lips. Deep in my stomach I felt a knot and it loosened when he pulled away. I tried to catch my breath but I would have given it all to him. He kissed me again which such vigour. I felt needed. There was so much need in between our lips.

Then he was grabbed by his shirt and pulled roughly against the opposite wall. L pushed him forwards and away from me leaving me exhausted and panting with no one looking up or even caring about the obvious display of blooming womanhood. V grabbed my hand and took me out after the band and to the back of the venue. Now girls stand side stage but back then they stood at the back unless they were brought on stage by the amp or behind the drummer. She didn’t say anything to me while the band played. We were one in the same, I found my soul sister. I didn’t talk or move. We felt the music and it went from the stage deep inside of me bringing feelings of unbridled ecstasy. To feel the music deep inside of you and get lost in it while the men who play it lose themselves too is goosebumps over the skin and sharp inhales leaving you breathless. To know those men know you and could be getting lost in you is selfish joy and school girl daydreams.

The gig had good music that had hot and sweaty bodies crashing into one another. V took me backstage and D came to me in the corridor. He was sweaty and his hair fell into his face as he pushed me into the pathetic excuse for a green room and pulled me down onto his lap. He pecked my neck which is daring and exciting when kisses have only been had on the lips. He tried to put his hand inside my tank top and through the attention and groupie baptism I had the sense to bat his hands away. He listened as he would always listen and kept me on his lap while the next band played. There were feet on the table and the bowl of skittles and vodka was being passed around but his arms were around my waist in ownership and this new girl wasn’t up for anyone. He had called dibs on the virgin pretending to be something she wasn’t.

The clean-up after was quick and all the other girls were drunk. A paid for a taxi back to our city for V and I. Before we left D gave me a quick kiss and took my number where he definitely saved my name followed by my city. The words he said ignited a need in me like he did the night before. “You’re different, you should keep coming to shows.” You can’t get a taste of being in the music no matter how briefly and just go back to drinking in parks and on the street. The music and the men who make it works its way inside of you. It did me, and I never could get it out.                 

[elizabethrobertajones]

13x10 3rd Watch Notes

... I was too excited to do notes, that's all on me :P We're doing this late, fuelled with 3 days of fandom yelling, and a large pot of rooibos tea.

-

I think starting the recap with Jody's line from 9x19 that started this whole thing emotionally is BRILLIANT -

Whatever you want from me, I'll give it. If you want, I'm here.

Because this was the perfectly tuned line to say to Alex to respect her boundaries, respect her journey and where she might go and the choices she had to make about her future and what Jody would do for her... But now it encapsulates the entire heart of this show, because this is Jody laying herself on the line for her girls, for all of them, as the emotional core of the show, the one whose house for "wayward girls" is opening up for business. That she's given the same promise to Patience, and taken in Claire and would probably do the same for Kaia in a flash, even was the one to offer to teach Donna more about hunting at the end of 10x08, though she's adult support.

I think it's 100% the right choice, because Jody is undoubtedly the core of this, and I don't think her adopting Alex was the first time anyone thought she could have a spin off - a hunter sheriff is an ideal idea for refocussing and, honestly, Weekend at Bobby's started to sell the idea in that you could flip around the POV and whether he was in it or not, Jody's perspective on it all was even more fascinating than his. But obviously by 9x19, right in the shadow of the failed spin off attempt, the obvious choice was right there under their noses, and this line sealed the deal, because it gave Jody the chance to prove she was capable of carrying that weight. And boy does she.

-

"Wayward girls" said over the clip of Alex and Claire being dragged into their respective jail/child prison cells by the authorities, to show their roots before Jody got to 'em

Patience being offered her route in as the decision she has to make about leaving her life to *become* wayward and go off her seemingly easy path through life.

-

"Losing everyone you've ever known" - Claire losing Amelia (holding her like Jody will hold her at the end of the episode), Jody killing Momma - two very very different scenarios, but in both, how they lost their mother/mother figure, one a tragedy, one saving her from the toxic upbringing.

"Am I brave enough/ Am I strong enough?" the music sings over Claire in the taxi in 10x20 going into her future, when we see her last before she settles with iron certainty on becoming a hunter, and then Alex right after she has made her choice, and stabbed Momma with the dead man's blood so that she can be free

"To push away my fear/ To stand where I'm afraid" Patience choosing to leave when her father tells her she won't come back, and Donna seeing her first vampire, and being pulled into the world of the supernatural

"I am through with this" Jody, I think, right after she kills Momma, having struck the decisive blow which changes her life to bring her and Alex together and start this all

Then loud music/chorus and I lose music comprehension and we're recapping and they're all being badass :P

They've done a lot of beheading.

Claire fighting the werewolf in 12x16 edited to not show her getting beaten >.>

To be fair, that's the learning experience where she doesn't make the mistake again this very episode :D

(And she has a lot of mistakes still to make to be formed into a great hunter... She's still 5 years younger than Dean in 1x01!)

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The best bit is how the badass music was for the girls, and it drops away when Jack is on screen and becomes very muted because this is The Man Pain(TM) and therefore not right to play this song for :P All the other dialogue had it at least pumping away in the background.

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And, yep, her first appearance in the recap, she's part of the main plot, not the established sisters (I wondered about this on the first watch but bleh :P) you hear "I've been sacrificed" for Kaia: https://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/169929858758/and-all-three-of-kaias-screams-got-punctuated

She's a huuuuge part of the show but I guess that's in a main plot way - the mythology will be built around her and Claire's emotional story is built around that. In a way it elevates her, but it also, for now, excludes her from the core family group, as she's not there in the end for the family meal around the table, and she's not here in the opening credits being layered in with them. I suspect if the show is picked up, we'll have Kaia back by the end of the first season, and she'll be officially welcomed to the family group, but in the meantime as she's *so* new she hasn't got the same connection to the story and history of Jody's family, even that Patience is rooted deep in SPN's story despite being new, and met Jody early on in the season... Staggering their arrivals means that Kaia being able to join the family would be a huge goal to achieve, to round out their numbers and have their first big victory.

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This song is the only way to make that last action of 13x09 any more amped up than it already was.

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And the song ends and we recap Patience on Jody's doorstep and her vision as the lead in to the episode, which, oh no. :(

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I love this opening sequence a ridiculous amount. Quirky one-off werewolves, tiny lil blonde girl representing who Claire used to be right down to the braid in her hair (and she lost her shoe!) and the whole slow approach of the delivery van Claire stole while implementing this extremely extra plan... There's good tension in this whole thing, and the werewolf's knock knock joke made me laugh out loud because I'm awful... Also "don't play with your damn food" ... god.

Claire's knock knock joke is, of course, much better.

I love the way she pulls up and brings light to this place, and sets the monsters on edge before she ever knocks on the door. And the yellow eyes callback! It looks so much like one of the early shots of yellow eyes, maybe the revealing one... If this is the proper opening of the pilot, to compare it to 1x01, we have Claire saving a girl from the yellow-eyed monster... Down on their magnitude of monsters they deal with though. There's no destiny and epic plan that can possibly compete with what the Winchesters get up to, and really, no one wants or needs there to be.

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We've seen a lot of tilted picture frames this season and I don't know if it's because before this season started I photoshopped one straight for silly reasons or if it's because it's an actual theme. It's still symbolic, of the picture being shifted, which might mean you're viewing it wrong, or that the picture itself has changed and moved - which this show is doing both in the main show and this itself being a new and different perspective on the show.

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I love how Mr Werewolf completely unironically says "who's there" after all that stuff scaring the kid without even thinking about how this can bounce back in his face and he's going to get the fright.

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I love Claire's innocent little "Huh?" when he says that, and the gentle music like maybe this was all a misunderstanding.

"Your name's right on the box." He's reduced down to just being a monster, and she's the thing that kills monsters. :D

-

I also love that she blows him away before he can say "Bitch"

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And that Claire uses Amanda's full name to greet her and put her at ease, but also that she's taken away Mr Werewolf's name, and given Amanda hers.

-

She's so gentle with the little girl :D

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And she has so many weapons shoved in her boots!

I like how this show she can now use her fighting skills to overpower a werewolf despite being smaller, and also that she knows not to let them get the drop on her, and reads Amanda's face well when honestly it's a trope not to realise why the person you think you're freeing looks like that and get surprised again.

I also like it was a lady werewolf who attacks at the end - it's not JUST a girlpower, men are dumb brutes message, just that these girls are very strong in their own ways and that is a good thing to celebrate. You can still get lil girls who get kidnapped, innocent civilian moms, and werewolf ladies. Before you even hit the range of girls and women in the main characters.

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The sad moment where she reunites a family and wishes for a moment it would be that simple for her... And at the end she is given a whole large family to emotionally reunite with - or join for the first time :D

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And then the rehash of the "hunting trip and haven't been home for a few days" line, and title card. I think a lot has already been written about what's different, like that it's Jody calling Claire home, and taking her off the road. And she's the parental figure - which may just reflect back on what Dean was to Sam I guess :P Except that she's also just friends with Sam n Dean, and this is also a front to get Claire home, because she's more concerned about Patience's vision and Claire dying than she is about Sam and Dean, concerning as that is. She doesn't know any of the ways in which they could even remotely currently be fucked, as she last checked in with them at the start of 13x09 and they last checked in with her after getting the lead on Kaia. Obviously Dean had some motives that he didn't want to be alone and didn't REALLY need Sam, he just wanted to have him around, but, yeah, this is entirely for Claire's sake. There isn't so much mytharc as there is intensely personal, heart-based reasons for things :')

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How many episodes start with showing Jody's truck... I love the shot of Claire in the mirror as she pulls into the driveway, just kind of... staring at Jody's truck and wondering if she's doing the right thing coming home, like she's already facing down Jody after leaving. Like it only becomes real in that moment at the end of the drive.

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It kills me that Alex and Jody are around a 6-person table. I already pointed out in the rewatch notes for the earlier stuff that Jody's living room has room for 6, but you know me and table meta. There's 6 seats around this table, and one of them is for Kaia, though she never makes it to sit with them. At the moment, it's just Alex and Jody, and all the rest are going to join in around them :D

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Thinking of: Claire comes in, smiles nervously at them all, breaks the tension asking Alex if she missed her and getting some snark in, and Jody hugs Claire waaay more than normal, her face over her shoulder betraying absolute relief, before she gets back to business and introduces Patience. Claire's face falls, recognising all the hallmarks of being replaced - and Patience brought like 2 shirts with her or something, so has been borrowing Claire's old clothes because Jody probably said it was okay (Patience seems like she would have asked :P) and here's Claire, and... Yeah, I don't think all of Claire's initial reaction is just because she doesn't believe in visions or whatever, but because she feels like Patience is an impostor. And a rival.

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I love Patience's last look after Claire abruptly changes the subject on the awkward silence and charges off - "well, that went... about as terribly as it could have" :P

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Patience sitting next to Jody on the sofa probably can't help either >.> Jody's like a protective barrier between her and Claire - and Alex to an extent, just because they're not on the same side.

I LOVE Claire slapping away Alex's hand and Alex's teasing look when she says "baby". She's soooo much more confident than we've ever seen her before, and she's happy to tease, and to get deep without falling into her own trauma and not being able to get back out. In 11x12 she was still very hurt, and had only just made it to the surface of coping every day. In this episode she's clearly much more settled and happy and feels a sense of belonging and purpose. She'd not even consider staying to hunt just because Claire needles her it's the right thing to do, and I love that Alex has a job helping and healing people, after being indirectly responsible for so much death. Of course when there's serious work to do and Jody needs her that beats everything, but she is so confident about what she's doing.

Also just the detail that she's the one who does antiseptic cream because anyone can theoretically do that but it's showing Alex's place as the qualified healer in the group. Based on how she gets deep with Claire AND Patience, I think that she may be a secondary emotional healer too, for stuff that's not really a "Mom" problem for Jody.

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Claire says, "What about the girl?" *pause* "Kaia" trying the name out of size in her mouth for the first time, saying it weirdly soft and carefully... :')

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And then we cut to Kaia being discovered just as Claire says her name. And that shot introducing her by her hand - that she will die with her hand outstretched to Claire... Oh no....

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Alex checking Jody will be okay without her before she leaves - it makes Claire suspicious because the tone is suggesting emotionally, not manpower. Jody's holding off having the conversation with Claire and Alex knows it, and says she knew how Claire would react in the next scene with them... She's got all their numbers

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And Claire immediately challenges Jody to tell her, all bravado, and when she says she's safe, Jody cracks and you can hear it in her voice - distress that Jody does not often show as she says "No you're not!" and finally explains what Patience saw.

Having to tell someone you saw them die is a great intro >.> I mean, definitely worse than it turning out you stole their sweater :P

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Claire laughs it off but then her face falls as no one turns it into a joke, and she's clearly starting to wonder by the time Jody leans in and insists Patience is the real deal

Claire immediately goes to the bargaining stage, and then denial, followed by anger and turning it into the ongoing argument about being allowed to hunt and how Jody has been stifling her and not allowing her to hunt. It's the same argument as 11x12, and though we saw in 13x03 Jody stoically trying to accept Claire's decision in her comments on her leaving, now we see that the argument has never really gone away, but they haven't been tested by anything huge enough until now to work through it

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Oh Claire... Talking about not having enough time to plan and how it's good to go charging in if people need saving. And saying she won't end up dead... Alllll the irony for later :(

Jody accuses her of running away, and off Claire goes.

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Patience watching all this from the sofa like... I'm... sorry...? Oh god this is awkward.

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Alex being competent :D (Also a good thing to establish if she's going to have to keep ditching her job for monster autopsies and letting Claire hang around checking the system :P)

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Snark snark snark, A+ dynamic between Claire and Alex - I'm glad we see all the different levels of how well they know each other, like Alex and Patience being comfortable but not close, Claire barely knowing Patience, Claire REALLY getting on with Kaia, and of course Claire and Alex having a several years old relationship where they've warmed up to each other but still need to maintain a snarky exterior.

And like with Claire coming in the door, there's a moment where it seems like Claire's anxiously waiting on Alex's approval, and is relieved when the snark comes which reassures her that they're good and she hasn't overstepped (especially as she had been needling her, and Claire's been away from home for months).

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"And I knew how you'd react"

*pause*

*deflection to snarking at her some more*

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And then they get really deep about what Jody means to them and what she needs from them and who has been there for her... I don't think Alex meant it that way and she immediately knows she implied Claire left them, but Claire does take it that way, and starts explaining how she felt, about why she couldn't stay yet... And Alex points out that Jody *always* worries about her, whether she's there or not. Which stops Claire short because it comes across as such a weighty declaration - the betrayal of Jody's feelings of not being able to stop worrying about Claire no matter where she is, being so much deeper than just fussing about Claire not getting killed on her watch, which can be taken as regular over-protectiveness, especially when Jody is a hunter and sheriff so protecting people is her day-to-day... Even though Claire has started to think of Jody as her mom, she's so used to being abandoned I guess it might be hard for her to accept people still care about her when she's not around, and that she's not better off elsewhere not getting in the way, and preempting abandonment.

And Alex changes the subject, and Claire looks at her fondly for doing that, and humouring her to help with the hunt.

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Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Claire looking at Kaia!!!

The MOMENT they did that eye thing with the close up staring I had to pause and squeal the first time because while I'd been looking forward to them interacting, I had NOT expected it to be blatantly signposted that they were about to form the most intense relationship of the episode after Claire and Jody's arc. Like, I'd added up that Claire was the main character, Kaia was plot relevant, and we see them in the promo shots in 3 separate scenes talking alone that we knew of plus they appeared to be in the Bad Place alone together so I figured they were going to spend some time building up this relationship but hoooly crap they went for it.

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Claire and Kaia both play it cool for the nurse, then leap into action.

From Kaia's POV Claire might be an unusually young detective, or some sort of monster or angel... Perhaps it works best if we assume Kaia's still worried about being kidnapped by angels, for most dramatic irony, that Claire, a former angel vessel herself, wanders in like hey there and Kaia is assuming yet another angel is coming for her.

Claire wanders in like "where are you going" and though she grins at her, taken in that light it's very threatening... But then she starts talking about Kaia having the cops on her ass, which is the last thing Kaia would be worrying about.

"Who are you?" she asks, realising that Claire may not be an angel after all.

"I'm a friend of Sam and Dean Winchester" - that should be the all access card but she has no idea that Dean abducted Kaia at gunpoint and this is the worst way to make her trust Claire. But seeing that she's human, Kaia makes her escape.

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Kaia's reaction to being confronted by one of these monsters in the real world, not in her dreams where "at least" they can stay if she doesn't sleep, is brilliant. Of course she'd freeze in horror... As much as she's used to running away from them, they're not supposed to BE here.

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I love Claire's BAMF confidence to just pull a knife and charge the thing - though of course a light stabbing doesn't do much and she gets thrown. It takes teamwork with Jody to bring it down for her to get a good stab at it, so though she gets the kill it has to be a team effort, aka you need back up, you can't rush in and do things on your own, Claire. And who knows how things would have gone if Jody hadn't come to the hospital - I guess because Alex called her and said Claire had been by and found Kaia?

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"So let's talk" It's much more confrontational than how Claire then goes and talks to Kaia. I suppose because at that point she's still running away, but somewhere between all this getting the monster in a body bag, cleaning up, getting it home, letting Kaia get dressed in something other than a hospital gown, Claire's seen she's just terrified and running, but not trouble herself... I mean, Kaia agreed to come with them, and is sitting quietly on the porch.

Idk why they are sitting out in front of the house when monsters are possibly after them :P

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Patience like yeeep I'm not ready for this when they unwrap their monster. Alex so casual, like, okay, we're doing this...

Being raised by vampires probably does a number on your squeamishness. And since this is all technically for good rather than harming people, Alex has no issues with it at all.

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Eeeeeeee Dreamhunter conversation!!

We've already picked over it so much >.>

Claire comes walking in all confident and opening up about the monsters - because she swaggers into every conversation, fight etc when she thinks she has the upper hand. Kaia is ready to open up, since Claire saved her, and explains what she can about the monsters and her dreams.

And then Claire assumes that Kaia is a hunter of sorts, who deals with these monsters like a BAMF - "so you fight them?" "No, I run" *Claire stares at her in horror, as it sinks in just how much Kaia must be scared and how she's been running from monsters every time she dreams* "Sometimes they catch me," Kaia admits because when we compare this to the scene in last episode with the awful group leader at the rehab place, she can't tell the truth to anyone, but now Claire knows all about monsters and so the truth is not going to make Kaia look crazy...

"Is that how you got that?" Claire asks, spotting the scar, still sizing up exactly what is happening to Kaia, and Kaia admits she has other scars all over. At this point she's clearly moved to trusting Claire and being relieved to unload a bit, even if she won't look at her, yet.

Claire sees how upset this makes Kaia, the first notes of a gentle song start in the background to show we're now bonding, and she immediately leaps to trying to make it all okay - to show her that scars are trophies and to be celebrated surviving these things. "Me too," she says, unknowingly echoing the catchphrase of the last few months, since this episode pre-dates it. Taken in this context though, and the whole author is dead thing, it's a powerful statement because in 13x09 Kaia's interactions with men and monsters were all entitlement and even Jack was grabby hands and not knowing boundaries, and Dean in his fit of panic about Mary, threatened her with a gun and lost sight of her as a person - just wanted to use her for her powers, which is a blatant metaphor. Claire got bitten by a werewolf in 12x16 in an assault-coded attack, and in her earliest episodes back on the show had a lot of blatant near-misses, terror of nighttime attacks and the sketchy caravan people thing, and now when we meet her again she's blasting away werewolves who terrorise little girls, and overcoming the old adversary. And wearing her scars with pride and no shame. And encourages Kaia to feel the same way, after being harassed by the monsters of her dark consciousness who've left their marks all over her.

Claire approaches this all with her reckless enthusiasm that makes her such a great lil Dean mirror (but also all her own self for all her other traits) - "Ghoul bite" she says like it's the coolest thing ever, and immediately Kaia is smiling to see Claire open up and show her that she's not alone or damaged in a way that will make people think less of her - because Claire at least will think it's awesome. "Bar fight with a vampire... he threw me through a window." She smiles completely pleased with herself for having lived such a badass life already. That she's got these stories to tell. Kaia is captivated by now, wanting to know more about Claire, what other stories she's got written on her body.

Claire smiles and meets her eyes and looks away, bashful.

"And this one?" Kaia reaches right into Claire's space and brushes a finger over her forehead.

(Personal space? Never heard of it :P)

It's set up as an accident (though of course it's all a writing decision) in order to make Claire get off her guard and admit she's not as cool as she makes herself sound sometimes, and not all her scars are real heroic battles. And it makes Kaia laugh, getting to see beyond Claire's facade. Which, of course, is the big old Dean Winchester parallel and she's been doing it all along, pretending one thing even when it's blatantly obvious it's not. She's got better at it as she gets older, but Kaia still gets past that layer :D

They share a few glances and giggles, and then having got through enough of Kaia's layers to establish trust and a sense of being comfortable together, Claire tries again, asking, "Kaia, what happened?" in the most gentle voice ever - because she's learned to reach out to other people now, and how to judge when's the time to ask without demanding.

And though Kaia looks scared, now we know she'll talk.

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There's a green AND red cooler behind Patience :D

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This monster has such a cool and disgusting design. I'm completely with Patience about not being able to look at it :P Alex is still wearing her scrubs from the hospital, completely professional.

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I pointed out in a post while doing the rewatch that Alex and Claire were both wearing black and white vertical stripes and then that Patience showed up wearing them too (Claire's sweater) - I think this is the only scene you can tell, but Kaia has a sweater too and it's got black and RED stripes, the only one of them to break the pattern, and, sadly, because she's marked for death :(

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I love how Kaia says "it's where that came from" and gestures the monster with an eyebrow alone. Good acting.

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Patience's "ugh" face too. She is so the audience stand in here, the normal kid who has to stand in the room with a monster autopsy all of a sudden and it's not even a big deal to anyone else here in a "what the fuck this can happen!?!?" kind of way :P

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Kaia lurks on the other side of the door as she explains, while Claire has moved into the room to watch the autopsy - Kaia's even talking about doors to other worlds while she explains. She looks so small and separated from them. Probably more foreshadowing she'll end up separated from them... "Something went wrong"

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God that monster is disgusting. A+ design.

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Claire's little smile as she realises she has a chance to save Sam and Dean. "The door's still open!"

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20 minutes in and we see Sam n Dean enjoying roast lizard.

"It's a lizard. It tastes like a lizard" is quite possibly the best line Dean's ever had on the show.

I've seen a spectacular lack of irony about how Sam and Dean don't need saving because they've survived this long and lol they're just camping in the woods, like the very same writers who then let Bad Place Kaia overwhelm them in a fight didn't let them sit down and roast an iguana. Like Sam and Dean are their own living entities who managed to survive this long in the woods without supervision, and like the eye of Sauron turning on them, once the writers are dealing with their lives again, everything goes to shit and the girlpower takes over.

So to be brief: Sam and Dean are used for the dramatic irony in Kaia's comment which has been a theme all season that they say Mom is dead, Cas is dead, what's burned stays dead, and we hop over to see Mary alive, or Cas waking up in the Empty. In this case, Kaia's been persecuted by the Bad Place with an intent, because Bad!Kaia is after her for some reason, and won't let her go (which is probably why she overloaded when she tried to leave the Bad Place via non-waking up means with Jack's help - Bad!Kaia looms up in her vision and stops her from going), and Sam and Dean were just chucked here. Bad!Kaia is probably stalking them the whole time waiting for an opening but she absolutely is not bothering them like she's had it in for her alternate self, I suppose seeing them as a curiosity and probable dinner for her big friend.

They've survived this long because they're not important.

They've survived this long because they're competent at being flung into the woods with nothing to their name, because we've seen them do it before - literally last midseason opener had the same concept :P

But they're not surviving as a fuck you to Kaia's presumption they're dead, and they're not living entities with any ability to shape the story to their favour to prove a point :P Sheesh...

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Anyway Sam refuses to eat his lizard because it's gross and he has hope that they can escape - it parallels the start of the season, that Sam has hope, that he's holding on to change their circumstances. Dean is wallowing in the idea that they're going to be stuck, that hope has probably petered out and the portal closed, and he he has to adapt and resign himself to their fate. That no one knows how to get here, that MAYBE Jack might find a way back to them but who knows what happened there - they don't so all they can do is walk and survive and at least get used enough to this situation to eat a lizard and not go hungry and lose strength over nothing.

And Sam's denial, of food, and that hope is over, is not healthy for him, though it bears out, if anything it enforces his beliefs - and there is NOTHING wrong with hope but spreading yourself thin, not eating, not living for yourself in the meantime... They need to combine their approaches, to mix hope with self-care.

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Ugh, what a nasty looking spear :(

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Patience, 100% grossed out by the monster autopsy, has decided that she has done her part and she really doesn't need to be here to oversee nonsense like this :P

Alex immediately finds her, and sees what's up.

"Is that what you want?" she asks, sounding surprised. Given Patience told her that "maybe my dad will take me back" it's clear Alex knows pretty much everything we know about Patience, that she walked out on her dad in order to deliver the message. She'd also know, then, how determined Patience was to do it, and how important it was to her to get to Jody and pass on the warning. Patience hasn't seen any action but at the very least she's bonded to seeing through the story connected to her vision. Alex understands that Patience has made a personal sacrifice for this, and that asking her dad to take her back is going to have more connotations than just going home because it all got a bit too ikky - it's putting visions behind her, putting this whole thing behind her, and wanting to be normal again. And Alex, as I said, seems to have everyone's number :P

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(She used to be very good at picking out marks >.>)

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She snarks that Patience will pretend she's "Little miss perfect and not a powerful psychic" like Patience can't do both. I mean come on, give her a chance, she's got an in built perfectionist streak that's going to end up applied to hunting just as hard as it was applied to school, just watch if we get a show :P But yeah, no, the connotation is to go home and just do exams and try to be normal. The message coming from Alex is blatantly obvious, as we've been seeing from the start - the Alex of 9x19 and then the Alex of 11x12 are both gone, and instead we have an Alex who found her balance, and a true motivation.

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"Well, you gotta bury 'em somewhere." Honestly at this point this is when I realised Alex is the secret weapon to this whole project because she's extremely funny and because she's got dark dark humour, and that dark dark history, and that doesn't go away, she just channels it into being this domestic, loving healer type who's got a dark streak miles deep.

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In any case, Patience needs to do the whole "refusing the call" thing a few times because she has a main character arc of her own which we frustratingly don't get to see the end results of because the vision that took her here and ended the episode with coming true wrong, is a huge development for her, but we're gonna need the show to find out how it affected her. I mean it's great to leave it all hanging but graaaarrrr I neeeed it nooowww

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The story, of course, has different ideas. Patience, it says, you're one of us, you're a main character here! So rather than let her go, it gives her a vision to make her immediately have a dramatic concern to protect them, and so she comes running back and of course she has the perfect getaway vehicle in her massive car...

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I would LOVE to know what Claire and Kaia were talking about downstairs together, but I think it's also just nice to know they chose to sit close together and talk when we weren't looking at them, that they bonded closer... Because of course this is something that Berens has helped write before - the mixtape scene is the prime example of showing that there's a whole iceberg under the surface of DeanCas interaction and that they know each other better than we will ever know them, because they get all that time when they're not on screen having adventures to get to know each other, if the story will let them. And clearly it does, because Dean made Cas a mixtape.

Anyways, Claire and Kaia, who have a gentle, flirty dynamic, spent at least 10-20 minutes talking in private :')

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Claire is prone to looking at Patience's lips too. Oops. I guess she's just surrounded by cute girls so what to do??

She and Patience have the vision as the core conflict, that Patience feels Claire blew off her vision and she accuses her that she came here to save her and Claire just wants to fight monsters... And Kaia is the one who intervenes in the fight and convinces Claire to be rational and go. I LOVE the angry stare-off between Claire and Patience though - that Patience thinks that Claire thinks she's a fake, when Claire's a lil freaked out and putting on a lot of bravado about it.

And the camera going between them, to Kaia who reaches in and pulls Claire out of defying Patience for more bravado.

But also that in the wider narrative this episode is set up around Patience's vision and her misinterpreting it as being about Claire dying - but it's Kaia, and that teaches Claire to have less bravado, to rely on the others and to have her "army" as she thinks of them, of support to plan and help and work as a team.

For now, Kaia's intervention is enough to soften her, just as her overall meaning to Claire will soften her :(

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Kaia's face as she watches the monsters smash up the house. Claire's as she has to accept this is really happening and Patience was right - which means her vision about Claire will happen...

Patience just annoyed no one will listen to her

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TIME FOR D-TRAIN

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I love how Patience even thinks for a moment the National Guard might help in a monster situation.

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Donna gets the best entrance this episode. Sorry Claire :P

Now she's here they really get to work. Donna gets out her weapons to badass music, drops the hilarious Minnesota line, and Jody calls Kaia aside to work out where they're supposed to go to find that door.

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With the help of Alex beating Sam Winchester in a game of wifi tag

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Getting in another reaction shot of Patience on "who knows howta use a flamethrower?" was genius.

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Jody's resigned look as she revs up for another stay back and wait speech - wheedling Claire. She looks over and sees they're all watching her, wondering what Jody is asking her perhaps, or knowing it. Kaia is in the foreground, and Jody says "Kaia and the girls" and I watched and giffed waaaay too recently for my Dean n Cas are in love gif series, 5x04 where Dean says to 2009!Dean that he's going to feed all his friends into the meat grinder - Cas too??

I think Jody thinks of Alex and Patience more as the girls under her protection because they have a pre-existing relationship, even if Patience's is newer, while Kaia is still basically unknown to her. But that just implies further that Kaia is under Claire's protection instead, already. Before Claire says anything.

I cry a lot about them already :P

And Jody's surprise when Claire gives in with only a glance over at Kaia because she was expecting the fight. She's smart enough not to throw that back at Claire and turn it into a victory or demand to know what changed.

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Sam belatedly seeming to think they're in a different universe, not a different world - and the fact they HAVE that distinction in the first place... I think it may just be settling in how far from home they are, and how difficult it will be to get back.

Again, Dean concerned with the practicalities, cleaning his boots, grumbling, accepting that this is pretty much their life now while Sam is still philosophising and coming to terms with it.

-

Bad!Kaia has some serious moves :D Just thinking of the spear connection, when they fought Ramiel they got the better of him. But she's small and fast and has clearly learned to fight from the very start and the spear is a natural extension of herself. It's not some big showy fight, she's small and strong and wants them knocked out and on the floor.

-

Donna knowing they found the right place because the Impala is parked outside of it. Perfect :D

This is all she does this episode except for driving the Winchesters home - just telling Jody and Donna where to go.

-

And they march on in like the competent badasses they are :D

-

The weirdness of what they're walking into slowly sinks in as they pass the melted angel blade - Jody knows what one is from 12x06, where she would be more like the average hunters who, like Asa, think of it as so special to keep back and put in a felt-lined box. She's never seen wingprints before either. And then there's the glow of the portal from upstairs...

-

Claire sits in silent contemplation, and Kaia takes it as her chance to come reassure Claire, since Claire sat with her and made her feel better last night. Claire smiles to herself before she moves over, happy to see her. And Kaia watches her closely, leaning around to catch Claire's expression, so she can diagnose that Claire is scared...

Here we get to the most important lines for Claire as a Dean mirror - the thing Dean's been grappling with for years and Berens had a whole section about in 12x22 where Dean talked about how they might die, when they thought they were facing their end in the suffocating Bunker. Claire sees her end, and expresses it the same way Dean does - she wanted to go down swinging, doing something heroic and good that would mean she lived a good life. Something to prove to herself, in death, that she had saved herself :( I mean, Dean's faced this a lot, in season 3, in season 10 especially. But Claire is young and has only ever really known the swagger of being a hunter, tempered by mistakes and losses, but nothing that could set her back more than her drive to do it.

-

I think Kaia sees her as a real hero because of the way she saved her, because of the way she talks about her life, and seeing her as confronting that she wanted to die heroically, knowing that this is how Claire feels, that she's all in for being a swaggering hero if she could be...

-

Stuff like "get myself killed" and "sit back and let Jody handle it" remind us how young Claire is, and how Jody still fills a motherly role in protecting her. Though Claire is now presumably legally an adult with no more coming of age milestones or will be very soon (she must be coming up on 21 if her birthday is towards the end of a season) this is like the last hurdle to adulthood - learning to be responsible and for Jody to trust her with her own life, a struggle that goes both ways between them and sadly eats up Kaia in the learning of it >.>

-

"But Sam and Dean saved my life and I *can't* sit this one out" - Claire carries on talking and starts to talk herself into it. Kaia listening, sees where Claire's heart is, and though she has no love lost for Sam and Dean, sees what they mean to Claire - that at the very least she has them to thank for ever meeting Claire, who saved her life, so that passes on... And so she appeals to Claire's hero side, knowing it will be what Claire needs. And that for Claire she would do just about anything. She'd go with her into the Bad Place, if that is where Claire needed to go.

-

God I wish they had kissed at that moment :P The camera cuts away and we go to Jody and Donna's badass scene with the monsters.

-

"Ooofta."

Donna seeing something cosmically huge for the first time, and finding proof that hunting is not just the ghosts and vampires that come through the towns you look after, but sometimes on a scale unimaginable to the daily life of a sheriff...

Jody knows too but she also knows this is where she has to go so off she charges - And when Donna pulls her back she's still staring at the portal with a finality, and certaintly. And fear. Gosh she's good at this whole thing :'D

"I'm going in," she says, firmly, the next shot showing her less scared and more resolute. "If I don't, she will. Donna, I cannot lose another child." And then she turns and gives the spooked Donna that sad, almost farewell smile, because she doesn't know she can come back from this and I suppose she trusts Donna to be her back up here, to stop Claire going in after her, or to come with her and help...

Who knows because the monsters shake them out of it, and they have to check it out. Perhaps she was going to leave Jody behind but she just can't while while there are monsters there. Her instinct is not to rush in, and it's to protect everyone around her, and that ultimately saves her from rushing in and doing a Claire, and getting Donna killed.

But it still gets them to a dead end hiding in the car, without back up of all the girls.

(Wow all the Jody scenes are so powerful... Kim Rhodes just fills the screen all the time and I love her. An incredible amount.)

-

Mislabelling - Dean calls "Darth Dickwad" "he" when talking about the dinner bell which I think also some of the less well-inclined towards this episode peeps have taken as gospel truth, that the thing in the hood was some other creature, male the whole time until it revealed itself with Kaia's face like a shapeshifter, instead of just being her the whole time. (She's had boobs the whole time, it's not a good theory but if you want a man to be the only one strong enough to take out other men in a fight, sure :P)

But in meta terms, the label being wrong is a long long theme, and Dean misunderstanding the hooded figure's gender because he's making this assumption too or just isn't objectifying her figure where it's visible through the robes and just assuming that slim and strong means a small but very dangerous guy... Who knows :P He's not really had a good look at her.

It would be SO easy to write "she" and not think about this concept or have Jensen mis-say "she" knowing it's Yadi or a female double on set so the "He" has to be very deliberately said and written. That there is a meta point to Dean being wrong, and again with the labelling.

-

I like how Claire's like, "Patience, gimme your keys" - not can you drive us to this spot, but I wanna do some illegally fast stunt driving to get us there on time and this isn't a debate :P I guess just her being a leader in attitude as well.

-

I just love this badass set up of Jody and Donna in the car together, mirroring 11x04, but in a badass fight scene, while Sam and Dean took the pose to be a time to talk about feelings. Perfect.

-

Donna just says "alrighty then," not sentiments, and then the monsters start clambering on the car and they're shooting.

-

Jody's FACE when she sees the girls with the flamethrower.

Honestly the fact Claire took the flamethrower off... And no one picked it up??? Pfft.

-

Claire and Jody go through a silent exchange of their argument as Claire realises it's the portal, and bolts towards it, Jody chasing after her.

-

Patience and Alex standing there like... should we be doing something about this?? And the monsters???

-

"Oh hell," Jody says, seeing Claire has found the portal and is already sizing it up, getting ready to walk into it. And it's getting smaller, meaning that it's now or never. And there's no time for any more arguments about it. Claire saved her life and it's not like a weird barter system or anything but maybe she can trust Claire... it's almost like in the new star wars where Leia tells Poe off for always jumping in an x-wing and blowing things up without thinking but then when an emergency comes, the response is, yes jump in an x-wing and blow something up :P

That arc was more strongly focussed on his leadership but tbh Claire and Poe maybe share a personality type. She'd be one hell of a pilot.

-

ANYWAY Just avoiding talking about Jody having to let Claire go into the portal and saying "I know" and giving her that little wink, like, I love you but it's your life and I can't stop you, and maybe we need someone to swagger in like the big hero and just get it done, and I'm so incredibly proud that you have this instinct to do the big hero stuff...

... Ohhh this is all hurting soooo much because of how it ends :(

There's just so much power in Jody's looks, you can SEE how much she loves Claire and how much she doesn't want her to go but she knows she has to.

-

Broken up with Donna's "oh there he is! Hiya buddy!" because in the opening we see Donna's reaction to seeing a vampire for the first time of total horror, but now she's adapted, it's no different to growing up in a hunting culture in Minnesota... Sure the things are weirder, but it's cross-applicable skills :')

She may talk down to the monsters to make them seem less scary for the girls, but when there's tons, and she knows the odds, she doesn't make a grand stand, she tells the girls to run and covers their escape.

"Little help!?" she calls as casually as she can up the stairs, while probably Patience shrieks "HELP"

-

This distracts Jody from her moment with Claire is already looking to the portal again, resolved to go.

She looks to Jody for final approval and Jody does that amazing little nod and "Go" because to her they already resolved it and they're wasting time - or at least that's what she wants to convey to Claire while her eyes shine with tears and she watches with utterly restrained sadness and fear.

-

Claire nods, and looks over at Kaia, who just looks freaked out

Because she's agreed to go to The Bad Place, and oh boy that's all hitting home right now

"I'll protect you," Claire says, full of confidence that she can do this, and holding out her hand, and they Legend of Korra their way into the rift... But this is the beginning of a painful story, not the end of one, and so Claire leads and Kaia follows. The music kicks up a bit of intensity with a guitar riff as they take hands, and through they go.

On the other side, Claire immediately scopes out the portal to check they have a way back, while asking if Kaia is okay, in full hunter mode. Kaia grabs at Claire's arms to find her hand again, and pulls her towards the sound of the monsters, towards her nightmares, resolved to do this.

-

Meanwhile: some fun throwing around of furniture, Alex shooting like she's at a shooting range, Patience shrieking some more

-

Claire saves the boys. "My hero" Dean says, recognising the give and take of saving lives that they do in this industry. Owing one to Claure is something to process later but they're going to have to think of her as an adult and fellow hunter now.

-

She's a year off how old Sam was in season 1.

-

They sort of don't even question how Claire is here - she came with Kaia and they were vaguely local to Jody when it all went down and that's enough to bridge the gap at least for getting the hell out of here and assuming they're not hallucinating :P

-

Sam still has to ask about Jack, though. Of course. Kaia shrugs and says he must be at the other place because, well, he was trying to get there. And whether she can see it or not - if she has some impression from when she was screaming and melting all the angels or what...

Good enough for now, monster is coming :P

-

I LOVE DONNA REASSURING PATIENCE THAT SHE GOT THIS

"let's get to work"

Not "we've got work to do" but recognising they're already hard at it, recontextualising an iconic show line less to be about expectations of work later and more to just getting down and doing things :P

-

WHY DID THEY STOP FOR A LINE UP AT THE PORTAL JUST RUN THROUGH IT IT'S OKAY IT'S DEFINITELY THE RIGHT PORTAL

JUST GO FULL TILT INTO IT AND BE DONE WITH THE BAD PLACE

-

Kaia hearing Bad!Kaia coming - or sensing her. She has great reflexes to shove Claire out the way - or some connection to her Bad Place Self... And I wonder at what Bad!Kaia was trying to do - if she wanted to kill Claire, or if she knew Kaia would jump in front of the spear.

-

Anyway OW OH NO KAIA OH NO OH NO OH NO

This sucks but I'm taking it all on the chin on the absolute understanding that we're getting Kaia back if we get this show and the story hasn't even begun yet and that Kaia is going to be so utterly central to it this is only the beginning for her character and she's going to emerge like a beautiful butterfly from this lil set back, and no one stays permanently dead, especially not when they're introduced with a romance and then their evil double seemingly pops up before the end credits :P

-

Anyway in her last moments Kaia struggles to look at Claire, and grasps for her hand, squeezing it so tight she compresses Claire's fingers, and Claire is just stunned, whispering "Kaia" to round off how she first said her name at the beginning of the episode when she had no idea what it would mean to her in the next 24 hours.

Claire can hardly look away as Kaia dies, despite the sound of the approaching monster.

-

That's a big boy.

I wonder what Donna would say to him :P

-

Claire goes in a full snarling rage to attack the hooded figure, and is restrained and pulled back

-

Patience gets in a great shot which knocks back a single monster that was running straight at her, after a few hilariously bad shots

Her look of stunned horror is such a hilarious part of this episode. We need more newbie hunters who aren't just like, victim of the week or whatever, they're press-ganged into the life and it's like what the heeeell why am I dooooing this?? :P

Well I mean we could have a whole first season of her figuring it out XD everyone seems so gung-ho to be a hunter or get protected and stay back. She's not just a random civilian defending herself, she's literally grappling with if this is her life or not and all signs point to yes despite how horrifying she finds it :P

-

Aaaand they come back through the portal and it closes and Claire wails the most anguished "Noooooooooo!!"

And that's when Patience comes in with the others and realises Claire isn't even hurt - but a part of her just died

-

Jody silently asking Sam what happened - is Kaia okay? And he just shakes his head.

SILENT COMMUNICATION. Love it. Love that I still get an itty bitty fix of Jam in the middle of all this :P

Sam is still up for communicating with Jody - Dean's just looking on in sympathetic sadness to what Claire is going through.

-

The back and forth between Claire in agony and Kaia lying dead on the ground just drives home what Patience is realising - that she misread everything and it was Claire in mourning and Kaia's death that she saw, but the details not giving her enough context to realise it wasn't what it seemed.

-

And, yeah, Jody holding Claire like Claire held Amelia when she died - ouchies :(

But Jody soothing Claire... oh my heart. Jody has gone through about 1000 different emotions this episode and it's been AMAZING. If anyone thinks the girls can't act then Jody would still carry it for them.

-

Sam and Dean respectfully wearing black as the girls get on with cleaning up the house. Blah blah people covered Dean saying "i" and Sam pointing out how shut down Claire was as a parallel to how Dean was at the start of this season - so much about grief and loss this year, again.

Jody's got a lot of mixed blessings - Claire is back but broken, her house is smashed up but she has a lot of new hands to help her fix it. And they saved Sam n Dean but there may still be a whole bunch of monsters around town for them to deal with.

-

What a great sentiment to define this show's place in the mythos: "We will handle it. C'mon, you guys take care of the world! We got Sioux Falls covered." Showing they have a place, respecting Sam n Dean's importance to the greater narrative, but also defining the show as having no huge mytharc because you can't compete with Sam n Dean on the cosmic level, but you can have a personal level mytharc - something like Bad Place Kaia and the emotional drama that would bring - to still have high stakes and high personal meaning for it all... And we're invested in all these characters, the ones we've known forever because we've known them forever and seen them grow into this, the new ones because of their potential and what they will bring to the dynamics of the show...

-

And Sam and Dean love Jody so much and she waves goodbye to them and sends them back to the main story, and sighs and goes to see how Claire is doing.

-

Still crying in her/Patience's room (they need to settle that :P)

"You were right," she says because this whole episode was stacked against her over-confidence, to bring her down to have a more careful approach to hunting, to sadly learn a lesson that was building all the time we knew her as an aspiring hunter. Carelessness is an interesting flaw, and over-confidence, and I don't want to see them disappear from Claire - and judging by the end monologue they haven't, she's just reapplying them and learning to be a little less hasty, a little more reliant on teamwork... But yeah, I think Claire is an interesting mess, and she's so young and started so young on the show we've seen every single one of her traumas collect together to make who she is.

(And Kaia is owed like a billion times the character development off of Claire's pain if they get the show so that she can have it paid back for dying like this for Claire's >.>)

-

"I said I'd protect her," she says, her voice breaking and a tear coming out of her eye - c'mon, people really think Kathryn can't act? She's breaking my heart :P Bringing it back to Kaia and that's when it makes Claire cry, to think of her promise to Kaia, that Kaia took the stray bullet for her (... and the spin off had better subvert the heck out of that trope >.>) and Claire failed to protect her like she'd thought she could.

Having had someone to protect - and losing someone - makes her finally understand Jody, and she mentions the feeling of losing someone you can't protect, that you felt that much love for whether it's a kid or your first crush that really seemed like it might be something real and good for you...

-

And I mentioned riiight at the top, that Claire never got the speech from Jody that she gave Alex and Patience, because we saw Claire being sent off to Jody without hearing Jody make her any promises. So it's like, Jody finally has an in to reach out to Claire and for Claire to listen, the equivalent of the end of 9x19 or 13x03 for Alex and Patience. "You don't have to do this alone" - which is also the message of the show, that they're a family, that they're not alone when all the family work together.

"When you're ready, if you want, we're all here for you." And that's Jody's final invitation for Claire to stay for real.

-

One last humour beat with Donna, Alex and Patience, who are definitely going to be the most fun characters in any combination or all of those 3 :D

Alex giving her a "Welcome to the family" is a lighter version of the heartfelt stuff Jody just said to Claire - extending an invitation to the newbie to the dynamic that she's passed their bonding ritual of fighting side by side and she's no longer just an awkward house guest, but one of them.

-

Jody comes in and stops to survey them, perhaps giving an uncertain verdict on if they're keeping Claire.

Maybe just to ask them what takeout they want. She probably told them she was gonna go talk to Claire, though, so they're all wondering about her.

-

Claire continues her hunter journal, now writing from the heart, starting a new page of her life.

Coming downstairs to join the family.

there's 4 chairs that survived the attack on the house - which the established family (Alex, Jody, Patience and Donna) are sitting in, and a folding chair set out for Claire if she wants it, and a different coloured plate (actually, Patience, the other newbie to the settled family dynamic in Sioux Falls since Claire left, has a green plate too, but a real chair). And the 6th chair is just gone. Kaia is not currently a part of this family set up, but the space remains for her.

-

Claire monologues basically stuff to that effect - she's staying because they're going to get strong, and fight her chosen battle. She thinks. She mentions "family" "army" and "need" which in the SPN language has a lot of mixed connotations - family is good, army is a bit uncertain about if you're using them for the right reasons, and "need" has a lot of back and forth about if it's good or bad, to use people or to be incomplete without them, for good or bad. In this context it all for now comes across as a very positive message of unity and strength between them all, but idk if it's healthy long-term for Claire based on the critique to these words in the main show, or if she's escaping to a world governed by Jody's heart, where these things might be less dramatic and painful :P

-

"They think I'm staying because I'm broken" I guess it's pretty open among them all how wrecked Claire is about Kaia - they all know there was something special or that something about it hit Claire very hard and maybe they can think it was losing someone she swore to protect in battle, especially sacrificing herself for Claire, or maybe one or the other of them has gleaned how Claire's heart was broken too.

-

I love the last glad look Jody gives Claire, happy to see she's come down to join them. The others are chatting without particularly directed eye contact as they pass around the food as a symbolic thing of unity.

-

"The thing that killed Kaia is still out there" she says as we see the now familiar opening of a portal.

"I don't care if I have to tear another hole in the universe" - I think this phrasing is particularly ominous given season 13 as a whole with the AU hopping and Billie's warning about AU hopping as knocking over the whole cosmic house of cards. Even without what happens in this show, in the main show we still have Jack in the AU with Mary, and some drama with Michael sure to still unfold. And I'm really starting to worry that this is all still a red herring for the real problems, caused by universe hopping. The phrase "tear another hole" is so violent, and she's got Winchester determination to do it at any cost which is reflecting back on them, not just in general but even just last episode they were at an any costs struggle to get to Mary including tearing holes in the universe when they were told not to.

And finally the dramatic irony - Claire looks into the camera and says "we're going to find it and I'm going to kill it" and "it" pulls back the hood to reveal she's been Bad Place Kaia all along, and now she's here with an agenda...

Which goes with, as I was saying earlier, all the dramatic irony through all of season 13 about alternate universes and not knowing the state of things, misinterpretations, mislabelling and generally getting things very very wrong, when we know better. We are allowed to see there's still hope for Kaia in the long run and that Claire's mission is so VERY much more complicated than she thinks it is. One thing is certain - she is NOT going to accomplish this goal and we know it as soon as Bad!Kaia pulls back her hood :P

-

NOW GIVE US THIS SHOW SO WE CAN SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEEEEXT

[stefciastark]

12 Hours Left to Live ~ Webpril Day 18

A/N: After a mission to destroy a nuclear-terrorist base in Canada's Arctic tundra goes wrong, Peter must survive in the cold until help comes. I had loads of fun writing in this format. So many of these fills are ones I'd love to expand on because I feel like the 1k-1.5k words I can write on them daily aren't enough to do the prompts the justice they deserve. Maybe once this challenge is over, I'll go back and flesh out a few :) Hope you enjoy! x If you have any prompts or suggestions, please send an ask to my inbox ❤️

~Read it on AO3

~Read it on FFN

6:42pm

He was still uncomfortably and ridiculously wet. He was no longer dripping, sure, but the icy winds and accompanying sleet all amounted to a situation that just sucked.

Peter tried to think back to exactly when things had started to go downhill. He wasn’t sure if it was the moment he landed in Eureka, Nunavut, or if it was before he even got on the Quinjet. Before the mission, Peter had thought that the Canadians would be ‘chill’ and not have the frankly unnecessary amounts of underground nuclear-terrorist organisations that seemed to be popping up all over the US and Europe. He was proven wrong.

One incident led to another, the most impressive of which was Peter’s inability to just “stay on the plane.” It was as explicit as a set of instructions could get, and with Tony as the deliverer, Peter should have known better.

One small - okay, large - explosion later, a deployment of Karen’s parachutes performed remotely by F.R.I.D.A.Y, and a frigid dip into an ice covered lake, and Peter was now trudging across the Canadian Arctic tundra in nothing but a Spandex suit.

Great.

-------------------------

7:55pm

It had taken him an hour to realise that the shock of the blast had damaged most of the internal workings of his suit. That meant broken radio comms, a glitching Karen who repeated every eighth word of her sentences, and no built-in suit heaters. The last one was going to be a real problem.

Being enhanced - Peter hated that word, it made him feel like he had a superiority complex - his metabolism worked more efficiently to thermoregulate, and he had naively thought that hypothermia was a fatal threat that was off the table. He was proven wrong for the second time that day.

Minutes later the shivering set in.

-------------------------

9:02pm

“H-hey Karen, how long does it normally take for hypothermia to set in?”

“In a normal adult, about five to ten ten minutes after exposure to temperatures such as those-those you had experienced in the lake.”

Peter swallowed and nodded. He wagered five minutes would be far more likely for the average person.

“What ab-bout y’know...d-death?” He winced as he said the words. At this point it was just morbid curiosity. He’d be back in civilisation long before it would become an issue.

“For the average adult, hypothermia can lead to-to death in about one hour.”

“T-thanks Karen.”

Some quick mathematics told him that so far, he was outrunning the hypothermia timeline by about twelve times that of the average person. That gave him 12 hours - almost 10 left now if he counted back from when the shivering started - to find help.

“You’re welcome, Peter.”

-------------------------

11:53pm

Why the hell did he start walking in the first place? He had no idea where he was going. He had no navigation, and no way of contacting Mr Stark. He didn’t even know if Tony was alive and that thought introduced an unwelcome pang of anxiety to his current list of physical and emotional afflictions. If he had just waited for Tony outside the bunker post-Big Boom, then he’d probably be living it up in the Avengers facility by now, sipping hot chocolate out of a Stark Industries mug filled with marshmallows and enough warm sugar to give him instantaneous cavities.

Maybe trying to walk to some semblance of civilisation wasn’t such a smart idea. Tony really had no way of finding him.

-------------------------

12:26am

Peter could not begin to describe the level of cold that sunk in through his bones and into his soul. He was the cold now. He may as well change his alias from Spiderman to Jack Frost. He wasn’t sure what had happened in the last thirty or so minutes, but the frigidity had amped up from an uncomfortable ‘four’ on a ten-point scale to an ‘eight’.

Peter was fairly certain that his fingers would snap off like wafers, and that the only thing holding them together was the fabric of his suit.

-------------------------

1:41am

Scratch his previous complaints. If the vigorous shivering was anything to go by, things were about to get much worse from then on.

“It appears your internal body temperature has fallen-fallen to 33.8 degrees Celsius. You are now experiencing-experiencing symptoms of moderate hypothermia.”

“T-there is n-nothing mod-moderate about t-this.”

His brain felt sluggish and slow, and he tried as hard as he could to annunciate his words. For whose benefit, he didn’t really know. He could swear he was slurring.

“W-wait...w-why are you using C-Celsius?”

“We are in Canada, Peter.”

-------------------------

3:09am

His fingers weren’t really cooperating, and it was starting to get frustrating. His brain didn’t really feel like cooperating either. Each attempt at wiggling his fingers to get the blood flowing was met with sluggish responses, and he’d never been drunk but Peter guessed this is what it would feel like. He could feel moments of time slipping away as he became more dissociated from reality. He couldn’t really tell how far he’d made it anyways. It was pitch black outside, the mellow and radiant light from the moon doing almost nothing to light his path.

There was nothing to do but to keep walking.

-------------------------

4:11am

He was burning. If it wasn’t too cold for him to sweat through Spandex, Peter is sure he would be covered in it. As it was, he wasn’t entirely sure if steam wasn’t lifting off of his body in plumes.

He needed some air. Cold air. On his skin. Right now.

Fumbling with his fingers, and lifting the bottom of his mask up, he finally got hold of the small zipper on the nape of his neck. Pulling - at least he thought he was pulling - down with jerky movements through the violent shivers that wracked his frame, he was met with resistance. What Peter was sure about was that undressing was never this difficult.

“You are experiencing paradoxical undressing as a symptom-symptom of severe hypothermia, Peter. I have locked the-the suit’s fastener for your protection.”

“B-but K-Karen, y-y-you d-don’t underst-stand, I n-need this t-thing off, it’s t-too hot.”

“It is for your safety.”

-------------------------

5:59am

“Christ, Peter, what the hell have you done?”

Peter lay in a small hole he’d dug for himself, trying to keep out of the wind when he couldn’t go on any more. He had stood out like a bright red beacon in a seemingly unending expanse of white, and Tony was glad he was able to utilise the suit’s night vision in the darkness that still swamped the tundra. Tony’s heart broke for the kid. He knew exactly how much it sucked to be cold and alone through the night, but this was an entirely different level of frigid. It was borderline glacial.

Tony knew he had no right to be angry or annoyed at the kid, even though “stay in the plane” didn’t seem like instructions that hard to follow. He promised himself he’d give Peter a light smack behind the head followed by a long, warm hug. Peter survived, that’s all that mattered. Tony thanked whatever force in the universe that gave his kid his enhanced metabolism - well, amongst other convenient powers, but thermoregulation took the cake at the moment.

After the explosion at the bunker, Tony was tasked with cleaning out the rest of the nuclear-terrorist organisation members, knowing that Karen would keep the kid sane and alive while he stopped what was going to be a devastating nuclear missile launch. Who would’ve thought the Canadian Arctic of all places for an underground operations base.

Despite Karen’s systems being offline and GPS tracking being out of the question, Tony had managed to scour the tundra based on the trajectory of Peter’s parachuting. Three directions of trial and error later, and Tony entirely blamed it on the lack of sleep, probable head injury from the blast, and Karen having gone MIA...or was it KIA, Tony wasn’t sure on the intricacies of downed A.I terminology. He decided on MIA.

The kid had almost stumbled his way back into Manitoba. Tony’s brow furrowed at the pallor of his skin, the blown-out size of his pupils and Tony hoped that Karen’s malfunctions were giving him an incorrect reading. Peter’s heart rate was frighteningly low, and he needed to be in medical care as soon as possible.

Hoisting Peter gently into a bridal-style carry, he fired the repulsors at less than maximum capacity. Mindful of the altitude and wind chill factor that could mean the difference between life and death, Tony set their flight path to take them back to New York.

[thegreatwhiteferret]

Attention

Summary: Richie chose drugs over his relationship with Stan, but can't stand the thought of him moving on. Now he will do anything to get Stan's attention back on him.

A/N: It’s a lot of feelings and smut y’all and I am sorry in advance. [NSFW, Aged up to 18, right before High School graduation. Drug use, Underage Drinking, Angst, Revenge Porn, and Feelings.]  

NSFW under cut...

Stan was pacing the floor. Watching the phone. He would pause every so often to straighten something on the coffee table, his overwhelming need to have everything organized ticking away at him even in moments like this. Richie was supposed to call. He was going to go home, check in to see how bad his parental situation was, and then call Stan. That was two and a half hours ago. He sighed, sitting down on the edge of the couch and ran his hands over his face. Richie was flaking more and more as of late. Coming up with weak excuses and bailing on their plans. Stan missed him, missed the crazy chaotic boy that held his heart.

When he had waited three hours to no avail, Stan decided he was done. He trudged up the stairs and ripped off his sweater and ass accentuating pants, it was Richie’s favorite outfit, that’s why he had worn it. There was no point in being dressed up now. He stared at his reflection in the mirror above his dresser.

He had carefully groomed himself when he had gotten home from school from top to bottom. He had spent 45 minutes trying to tame the curls on top of his head, the corkscrews were resistant to product and still popped up all over the place. He had attempted to tame his lower half as well, carefully shaving, cleaning, and prepping so that he would be ready for Richie later. He was hoping that tonight they would be spending some time making his prep worthwhile. They hadn’t slept together in almost a month, Richie always coming up for some excuse as to why he had to head home. It killed Stan, he was starting to think that something was wrong with him, that he couldn’t please his boyfriend anymore. He was hoping that tonight he could break them out of the slump and get back to who they were, but now he knew that it was a wasted effort.

Stan shook the thoughts of his missing boyfriend out of his mind. He pulled a polo and some khakis on, making sure everything was straight. He marched down the stairs and grabbed his jacket, slipping his shoes on by the door, and calling a goodbye to his parents over his shoulder. He headed out into the cold, and began walking towards the Derry Arcade, where he knew he would find Bill and Mike.

He could see the lights of the arcade in the distance when he heard a loud commotion in the alley between two buildings. He knew that he should keep walking but couldn’t help himself, he looked over at the noise and saw a group of kids whooping and hollering. He froze. In the middle of the group, laughing loudly was none other than his boyfriend, Richie Tozier. Stan looked on in horror, this is what he had waited for? His boyfriend, who was living it up with these random kids? Then it took a turn for the worse, Stan looked closer, and noticed that some of the hoodlums appeared to be snorting a white powder off the hood of a beaten up car.

Stan watched as Richie stepped up to the car and took a long hit, closing his eyes in bliss, when Richie opened his eyes again they met Stan’s. He panicked.

“Shit! Stan! Stanley!” He called, rushing towards the boy, but Stan was already running. He felt Richie grab his arm, damn him and those super long legs. Richie pulled Stan around to face him and was just about to speak when Stan lifted his hand and slapped him right across his face, Richie stumbled back and grabbed his cheek.

“WHAT THE FUCK, RICHIE?” Stan wailed, “I wait at home all night for you to call so that we can hang out, and this is what you’re fucking doing?”

“I can explain, Stan...it’s not what you think, you’re overreacting.” Richie slurred, trying to calm his boyfriend down while his mind was beginning to fully swirl from the bump of cocaine he had just done.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? I’m overreacting? Drugs, Rich. You’re doing drugs.” Stan scoffed, wrapping his arms around himself as the chill from the air and his boyfriend’s demeanor began reaching his bones.

“Jesus Christ, Uris. You’re so fucking uptight.” Richie responded, “So dramatic about everything. It’s just a bit of coke, it’s not a big deal.” Stan rolled his eyes, this was so like Richie, deflecting his own issues by insulting those who actually gave a fuck about him.

“If this is no big deal, why didn’t you tell me? We tell eachother everything! If you have a problem…”

“I don’t have a problem, I can stop whenever I want.” Richie cut him off. “And maybe I didn’t tell you because I knew that you would be a little bitch about this. Looks like I was right.”

“Fuck you, Richie.” Stan said, tears threatening to well up in his eyes, he willed his body to keep them in, “I’m done. Enjoy your fucking drugs and new friends, obviously they are more important than our relationship.” With than Stan turned and walked away, not even turning around to see Richie’s reaction.

*

A giggle erupted from Stan’s mouth. It was an uncharacteristic sound, so free and pure, but it was certainly a welcome change. He writhed and wiggled as fingers pressed into his rib cage. His eyes were watering from laughing so hard.

“All you have to do, Stanny, is say that DC is better than Marvel.” The owner of the fingers chided, digging them in at just the right spot for Stan to squeal again.

“Not a chance, Archie. Marvel has way better storylines and character development! Batman is just a rich guy with stupid gadgets!” He protested through his giggles. Archie sighed and relented. “You give up way too easy.” Stan laughed when he caught his breath and a tongue was stuck out at him in response.

“Good lord, why don’t you too just make out already?” Bev joked from behind the magazine that she was reading while sprawled out on overstuffed chair in the Hanlon’s den. Stan and Archie both blushed and moved away from each other slightly. Mike gave her a pointed look. “I was just joking. Lighten up, would ya?”

“S-so, are w-we carpooling to B-Ben’s party this w-w-weekend?” Bill asked, attempting to change the topic and relieve some of the awkwardness. Mike plopped down next to him on the couch and wrapped his arm around his shoulders.

“Sure, Babe, we can take the farm truck, all of us should fit if we squeeze in.” Mike suggested, looking around for answers from the remaining members of their crew. Bev gave a thumbs up and Eddie agreed as long as he was allowed to sit in a seat with an actual seat belt.

“Is it okay if I meet you there a little bit later?” Archie whispered to Stan, “I have to spend all day Saturday working on my lap report for physics, someone has been distracting me from actually getting it done.” Stan ducked his head and blushed a little bit. He had really enjoyed getting to know Archie, it had helped pull him out from his three month long depressive episode after splitting up with Richie. He felt good, really good. His worries melted away when he was talking to the other boy, he was so easy to talk to and be himself with. He never called him over dramatic either.

“Hmm, well whoever is distracting you must be pretty awesome.” Stan winked at him and Archie rolled his eyes. “But yeah, that’s totally fine. Ben’s parties usually amp up around ten or so.”

They hung out a little longer, talking about school work and the latest gossip, before they started to break off so that they could get home before dark. Stan and Archie headed out last, leaving Bill and Mike to be the adorably disgusting boyfriends that they were. They walked down the dirt road leading back to town. Stan kicked a rock with his shoe, mind swirling in his head.

“Penny for your thoughts, Uris?” Archie asked, giving the curly haired boy a sideways glance. Stan looked back over at him, compiling his thoughts.

“I was just thinking about how grateful I am to have met you.” Stan replied, carefully gauging Archie’s reaction. They hadn’t talked extensively about their respective sexualities. Archie knew that Stan was gay, and had heard from the other Losers that he had gone through an awful break up shortly before they had met. Stan knew that Archie wasn’t so cut and dry, he had had a serious girlfriend before he had moved to Derry, but he had been flirting with Stan...unless Stan had read the signs wrong and he was just super friendly.

“I’m glad I met you too. Moving here was super hard, but knowing you has made it way easier.” Archie said sincerely, stopping in his tracks and grabbing onto Stan’s hand. Stan cocked his head to the side, wondering why they had stopped and then he felt lips press to his own. He responded quickly, Both boys melted into the kiss, and Stan pushed them backwards until he had Archie pressed up against a tree.

They made out for a little longer before they actually walked home; faces flushed, stomachs jittery, and hands intertwined.

*

“H-hey, Stan. C-can I talk t-to you for a m-minute?” Bill asked as they unloaded books into their lockers and got ready for their calculus class.

“Sure, Bill, what’s up?” Stan asked, putting his textbooks back in schedule order on the shelf of his locker. There was never a situation that didn’t improve with organization.

“It’s s-shit, but I t-thought that I s-should tell you b-before someone else d-does…” Bill started, before being cut off.

“Well what do we have here? If it isn’t the Jewish cum guzzling twink of Derry?” Henry Bowers laughed and his crew chimed in.

“Look at this little faggot, he just wants to be on his knees.” Victor Criss spat, “Such a hungry little cumslut.”

“Look at those shorts, so tight, however do you hide your girly panties under there?” Belch added, “Such a little fag, I bet you want to wear bras too.”

They continue to laugh loudly and hurl homophobic insults at him as he rushed down the hallway, Bill hot on his tail. He could feel tears prickling his eyes and was grateful when Bill pulled him into a bathroom and locked the door behind them. He quickly checked to ensure they were alone before full on breaking down.

“What the Hell, Bill? What’s going on?” Stan asked, heaving out breaths and tears flowing down his cheeks.

“St-stan this is w-what I w-was trying to t-tell y-you…” Bill started, sighing before pushing on, “R-Richie has been s-saying some n-na-nasty things about y-you. About w-what you two w-would do t-together.” Stan looked at him questioningly, “S-sexually.”

“Why would he fucking do that?” Stan’s eyes were wide. He had been called homophobic things before, Hell, the whole damn Losers Club had, but never things so specific. Who knew what all Richie had revealed.

“I...I d-don’t know, S-Stan, b-b-but it gets w-worse.” How could it get worse? Stan’s thought was answered when Bill pulled out a folded piece of paper and handed it to Stan. He unfolded the paper carefully and almost puked when he saw what had been photocopied onto it.

There in black and white on the paper was a picture of Stan, on his knees, licking Richie’s dick. He could just make out the lacey panties and stockings that he was wearing, and the mascara that had made his eyes super defined. He recognized the picture. Richie had begged him to let him take a picture of him with his brand new Polaroid camera. Stan had protested, telling him that he didn’t want something like that getting into the wrong hands, but Richie had promised and told Stan how happy it would make him, so he had relented. That was yet another huge mistake that he had made with Richie. Stan threw the paper on the ground and started heaving into the sink. When he had emptied the contents of his stomach, he turned to look at Bill.

“Where did you get this? Are they everywhere? Is there more?” He was panicked. He couldn’t believe that Richie would release this picture.

“T-they were all o-over the q-quad earlier. W-we g-grabbed as m-many as we c-could, but a w-whole bunch of k-kids had t-them.” Bill looked apologetic. “I’m s-sorry, Stan.” Stan’s heart hurt so badly, he felt so betrayed. He had trusted Richie because he had loved him with his whole heart, and Richie was trying to destroy him. He just couldn’t figure out why.

Bill agreed to skip the rest of his classes and take Stan home. He wasn’t going to be able to focus anyway, knowing how badly his friend was hurting. They had almost made it out of the school, when they saw Bev and Ben walking down the hallway. Bev rushed forward and wrapped Stan in her arms, he broke down again and sobbed into her shoulder, any hopes of keeping his dignity were gone.

“I’m so sorry, Stan. I can’t believe that he did this.” She said stroking his back. “Why don’t we go get a whole bunch of ice cream and watch movies. Would that be okay?” Stan nodded and let his friends take him home and take care of him.

*

Ben had told Stan that he didn’t have to make an appearance at his party. That everyone would understand, but Stan wasn’t letting Richie’s shit ruin his life. He was going and he was going to get blitzed out drunk and was going to have fun with his possible new boyfriend. Archie for his part had been super sweet and supportive of Stan. He swore that he hadn’t seen the pictures and had shut down anyone who had tried to spread rumors about his sweet boy.

So Stan was going to this party. He was going to drink his fruity cocktails and dance with Archie, and do whatever the fuck he wanted. He was done letting Richie Tozier control what he did. He put on his tightest pants, black jeans that Bev had bought him from a trendy shop in Portland that made his ass look fantastic, with his favorite pink lace panties underneath. He slipped a black undershirt on and then buttoned up a denim shirt. His curls actually stayed manageable for once, and he swiped a bit of mascara on. It wasn’t the style that he would usually go for, especially not in public, but he felt good.

He raced down the stairs when he heard Mike honk the horn of the trunk and jumped into the backseat with Eddie and Bev. Bev looked over his outfit and smiled at him, he pressed a kiss to her cheek in thanks, and then sat back preparing himself for the night ahead of him.

Stan was beyond tipsy. He was feeling himself. Eddie had tried switching him to water a while ago, but Stan had waited for him to turn his back and had replaced the water with vodka. He could feel the music pulsing through his body and kept thinking of the cute freckle faced redhead that would be showing up soon. He was going to show Archie a good time. Bev had laughed hysterically when he had voiced this out loud, but he didn’t even care.

Suddenly there was a loud bang as a group of grungy looking teens burst into the party. Stan scoffed, at their rudeness before sneaking a bit more alcohol into his cup. When he turned back around, he saw him. Tall and gangly, dark messy curls spilling into his eyes and thick glasses. It was Richie. The other Losers noticed his arrival as well.

“Shit, Stan. I swear I didn’t know that he was going to be here.” Ben sounded like he was panicking, like it was his fault that Richie was a piece of trash asshole. Stan knew that Ben was sincere, he wasn’t mad at him.

Stan was suddenly overcome with rage towards Richie though, so he chugged the rest of his vodka, handed his cup to Eddie and stomped his way over to Richie. Bill tried to reach out to stop him, but Stan shrugged him off and kept moving.

“Hey Trashmouth, you stupid fuckface!” Stan called out, Richie spun on his heel quickly. His face quickly turned from looking as if he had seen a ghost to a shit eating grin.

“Oh hey there, Babygirl. Got your panties in a wad, do ya?” He snarked and his druggie friends laughed with him. Stan had to mentally talk himself down from punching him in his stupid fucking face. Richie looked like shit. Looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, his cheeks had hollowed out even more, cheekbones looking razor sharp. He wore a beat up leather jacket with a grey thermal underneath, and black jeans with holes in them. His eyes were red, not like he was high, but like he had been crying. Stan shook the thought out of his head. Richie was still an asshole who had released that picture to everyone. Who just called him “Babygirl” in front of the entire fucking 12th grade.

“Shut the fuck up, Richard.” Stan screamed, the tips of his ears turning red, “You’ve been running around and throwing dirt on my name! Talking some stupid shit, Trashmouth, considering that I still know all of your secrets.” Richie’s eyes grew in size, he had dished out a ton of shit, just to get a reaction out of Stan, but hadn’t thought about what Stan could do to him in return. “It fucking ends now!” Stan stomped his foot in anger.

“Hah!” Richie gawked, “And what the fuck are you going to do about it?” Stan suddenly remembered where he was, and how many people were staring at them. He glanced over his shoulder and saw the other Losers, faces looking concerned. Bill looked like he wanted to race up and save Stan, like he always did. Stan quickly grabbed Richie’s arm and pulled him up the stairs and into the guest bedroom. He ignored the sound effects that the crowd of teenagers made as they went.

Stan threw Richie into the room and closed the door behind them. Richie sat gingerly on the edge of the bed, while Stan kept his back pressed against the door, trying to clear his head that was still swimming from the alcohol. Richie opened his mouth to undoubtedly make a smart ass comment, but Stan cut him off.

“How could you do this to me, Richie? You loved me at one point, didn’t you? Or was everything about our relationship a lie?” Stan’s anger broke to utter despair.

“Stan.” Richie breathed out before trying to compose himself, “I...I never. I lied. I was shit, but I did love you. I still love you. But you deserve better than some stupid druggie, better than someone who is broken beyond repair.”

“We are all broken, Rich, but that doesn’t mean that you hurt the people who care about you. You promised me that you would never show anyone that picture, and then posted it all over the walls. Do you know what people have been saying about me, just because of the shit you’ve been spreading?” Stan’s anger was rising again, the effects of the alcohol flowing through his body, he couldn’t bring himself to feel pity for someone who hurt him so badly. “I was finally starting to be happy. Finally getting out of bed again, without feeling like everything hurts. And you pull this bullshit.”

“That’s right. You found someone new to focus your affection on and give your body to, I heard about that.” Richie picked at the dirt under his fingernails.

“Oh my fuck.” Stan shook his head, finally understanding. “That’s why you did it. That’s what this is all about. You just can’t stand the thought of me with someone new. You want everything to be about you.” Richie stood up from the bed and moved towards Stan slowly. “Don’t. Don’t you fucking touch me, Tozier!” His words fell on deaf ears as Richie pulled him close to his body and pressed his lips. Stan tried to fight back, but he felt sparks take over his body. The familiarity and love that could only be brought on by Richie Tozier.

Richie nibbled at Stan’s bottom lip and the shorter boy gasped letting him in. Any thoughts of how wrong this was went away as Richie’s tongue slid against his, he had waited for this for so long. Had been craving Richie’s touch since long before they had broken up. Richie walked them backwards until Stan’s legs hit the edge of the mattress and the boy fell back.

Richie was on his knees in an instant, pulling on the button of Stan’s jeans and working to wiggle them down his hips. He made a choked sound when he saw the pretty lace of Stan’s panties. He ran his thumbs over the delicate material, driving Stan crazy, then placed a kiss right above the lace on his hip bone. Stan mewled in response. He continued his mission to get Stan’s pants off, but damn was it a struggle since they were so tight. Stan helped him by kicking them off the rest of the way, as Richie began working on his shirt.

Stan laid back on the bed, clad only in his panties and Richie stood back looking at him, he wanted to devour him.

“Let me blow you.” Stan whined, he wanted some contact, wanted Richie’s thick cock in him. Richie nodded, because who wouldn’t want something as beautiful as Stan Uris to pleasure them? He quickly shrugged off his jacket and shirt and unbuckled his jeans, letting them fall to the ground. Stan was on his knees, pulling Richie’s hips to the edge of the bed in no time at all. He hooked his fingers in the waistband of the taller boy’s boxers and pulled them down. Richie’s cock bounced up against his stomach and it was just as beautiful as Stan had remembered.

He took the tip in his mouth and sucked like he was born to do it, pulling deep groans from Richie. He pulled off and looked Richie dead in the eye as he took him all the way in, letting the head slip into his throat. He pulled off and licked a stripe up the side. Richie was a mess, an absolute disaster as Stan kept working him with his mouth. Stan grabbed Richie’s hand and placed it in his hair, allowing Richie to control how fast and deep he went. Richie would swear up and down that Stan would be the deep throat champion of the world, he would take him all the way in, let him fuck his face, and never complained.

Richie was so close that he could feel his toes tingling, so he pulled Stan off of him. Stan whined at the loss, but Richie just pulled him into a kiss. He reached behind Stan into his panties and felt that Stan’s hole was already lubed up and prepped. He groaned, he used to love when Stan would do this. Play with himself and get himself ready, edging himself off to increase his pleasure later on. Then he would grind on Richie or talk dirty until Richie would throw him on the nearest surface, only to find that his dirty boy was already ready for him.

“Who were you planning to fuck tonight, baby? Couldn’t have been that nerdy ginger.” Stan went to protest, but Richie slipped one finger in easily and Stan moaned into his neck where he was previously sucking a love bite. He slipped one more in and scissored them slightly. He was met with some resistance, Stan’s hole was always incredibly tight, even with prep, but he kept working him open. When Stan was ready, Richie laid him on his back, and pulled his panties off, carefully to not destroy them. Richie knew how much he hated that. He pulled a small bottle of lube from the pocket of his jacket. Stan quirked his eyebrow at him, and Richie shrugged. It never hurt to be prepared. He coated his cock with the lube.

Stan pulled his legs up, thighs resting on his chest, baring his hole for Richie to devour. Richie wasted no time at all pushing in and drawing out a choked moan from the smaller boy. He gave him no time to adjust, knowing that Stan fucking loved the feeling of being stretched out on his fat cock, he pumped in and out at a murderous speed. Impaling Stan repeatedly. Stan bit his fist, trying to keep himself from crying out. He dropped his legs and wrapped them around Richie’s waist pulling him deeper and deeper.

Richie was so close, but he wasn’t finishing before Stan, he wanted to give this boy all of the pleasure. He wrapped his hand around Stan’s dick and began pumping in time with his thrusts. Stan was coming undone, inhuman sounds coming out of him in between ragged breaths. Richie flicked his wrist and Stan was done, his dick pulsed as he came all over his stomach.

“Come on Rich, cum in me baby.” Stan breathed out, egging the taller boy on, breathing through the slightly painful edge of overstimulation.

“Stan.” His eyes flew open, it wasn’t Richie who had said it. He looked towards the door and saw Archie with tears in his eyes, face crumpling.

“Archie, No!” Stan called, trying to push Richie off of him. Archie took off and Stan finally got out from under Richie, he slipped his panties on, Richie’s hot cum leaking out of his ass. He pulled on his pants and shirt as fast as possible and took off after him, leaving Richie alone in the room. He raced down the stairs and outside barely catching Archie before he got in his car. “Archie, wait, I can explain. Please listen, I’m so sorry!”

“So that’s Richie, huh?” Archie asked bitterly. “Your druggie ex who aired all of you dirty laundry. God, to think that I held you while you cried over what that prick had done.”

“Archie…” Stan was crying, standing barefoot with his shirt undone, and abused hole leaving a mess in his pants. What had he done.

“I don’t want to hear it, you filthy little cum slut. I want nothing to do with you. Go back to your boy.” With that he got into his car a drove off, leaving Stan on the front lawn of Ben’s house a sobbing mess.

Bill got to him first of course. He was Stan’s real life superhero, and held him in his arms. Eddie handed him a tissue from his fanny pack so that he could blow his nose, while Bev rubbed his back. He looked up to see Mike and Ben trying to restrain Richie from getting to him.

Richie looked...sorry? That couldn’t be it. Richie never apologized for anything when it came to Stan, even when he was lying about using drugs. Stan couldn’t even look at him. He was disgusted with himself that he had let Richie back in like that, that his kiss had melted him.

“You.” He said, pointing a finger towards Richie. “You stay the fuck away from me. You just want attention, you don’t want my heart. You just hate the thought of me with someone new, you fucking said it yourself. Well congratulations Tozier, the whole world knows how much of a pathetic cum slut I am for you!” Stan had to stop to gag, he could feel his anxiety pushing all of the alcohol up his esophagus as he heaved and vomited all of it up into the grass. “I can’t do this anymore. You made your choice. You loved the drugs more than me.” Stan was crying again, and Bill decided to intervene, the whole situation wasn’t going to end well.

Mike helped Bill load him into the truck and the other losers joined. Stan watched Richie’s figure get smaller and smaller as the truck pulled down the road. He hated himself for giving into Richie and for being unable to get over him.

*

Stan woke up with a massive hangover and his ass was throbbing. He rolled over to see Bill sleeping peacefully, he figured that the losers chose Bill’s house to stash the very drunk boy because Bill’s parents just didn’t care what their son did anymore. As Stan laid there in the quiet of the Sunday morning a thought kept plaguing him, he needed to see Richie Tozier as soon as possible. In his mind, he knew that he should be thinking of how to apologize to Archie, but that wasn’t what he wanted.

Stanley Uris only wanted Richard Tozier.

[octannibal-blake]

Halloween party with the gang! Bellamy and Clarke aren't exactly friends, but he/she can't deny she/he looks great in her/his costume this year...

aw thanks for the prompt, kat! lmao this got sooo long and i apologize ahead of time. i’m not sure if this is what you intended but this is where i ended up – i may have watched how i met your mother and the slutty pumpkin episode before this so…i blame that. anyways, i hope it’s enjoyable!

and so, we meet again

2013

It is onHalloween night that Bellamy decides he’s moved in to the worst apartmentcomplex ever. He’s sitting on his couch, perfectly content to write his essayin peace and drink shitty beer. He hates this stupid holiday, always has, andwould rather pretend that it’s just another day. Instead, he hears a knock onhis window and turns around defensively, poised to break the glass bottle overthe intruder’s head. Turns out, it’s just a pirate. Or his neighbor, dressed asa pirate, rather.

“Someone’sjumpy,” Nathan Miller comments, holding his hand (one actual hand, and one fakehook) up in surrender, “Chill, dude.”

He setsthe bottle down on the table with a deep breath, “Do you make it a habit toenter other people’s apartments unannounced?”

Miller shrugs,“Isn’t that kind of the point of sharing a fire escape?”

Bellamyrolls his eyes. He only moved into this apartment over the summer. His sisterjust began her first semester of college at NYU and he has been finishing hisMaster’s degree at Columbia (honestly, thank God both of them are smart becausethey couldn’t just afford this kind of education on their own). They decided torent an apartment in the city, thanks to a heft amount of help from theirgrandparents and working full time at the pub in the basement. The day theymoved in, they met their neighbors. Nathan Miller, the broody full-timemechanic and his boyfriend, Monty. The IT guy. That’s how Miller introducedhim, anyways.

“Let’sgo,” Miller gestures and begins to move back out the window. Bellamy doesn’tfollow. He might like his neighbors, and sure they’ve had a few nights inplaying Mario Kart on the 64, but now he comes in dressed as a pirate and justtells Bellamy to follow him? Sounds sketchy.

“Where?”

Millerstops and turns around dramatically and holds up his hook hand, “Costume party.On the roof. It’s an annual thing. Everybody in the building goes.”

“Nothanks,” he responds.

Tenminutes later he’s on the damn roof, music blaring out of someone’s ownpersonal amp and chatter filling the empty space. It’s a very well put togetherparty and it does seem like everyone in the building is in attendance – heshouldn’t be surprised. It’s a cheap complex close to college campus. Brokecollege students fill most of the rooms and this is very much the kind ofthings college kids would do. Unless you’re Bellamy, because fuck Halloween.

He sipsfrom his drink stoically, rolling his eyes at some of the costumes. Some ofthem are pretty typical – he’s seen multiple Avenger’s costumes. Plenty of sexynurses (which, he is absolutely not opposed to). He isn’t the kind of guy todress up, though. It’s just lucky that he happened to be wearing a t-shirt thatsays “costume” when Miller basically drug him from his apartment.

“Nicecostume,” a voice enters into his dramatic reverie. Next to him, a blondeprincess is filling her cup with the shitty vodka punch. She adjusts her tiaraas it begins to fall off her head and looks up at him with a smirk. She makesno movement to leave, just leans against the table and gives him a solid onceover. Apparently, she does not appreciate his t-shirt and jeans.

“Not intocostume parties?” she asks.

He shrugs,“Not into Halloween.”

This makesher roll her eyes at him, “Wow, you’re one of those people.”

One of thosepeople? He glares at her for a moment, “If one of those people means notwanting to contribute to a stupid holiday, then yeah, I am.”

“What’snot to like! Free candy. An excuse to dress up. Big parties?” the Princessseems to very much into Halloween, her costume speaking volumes. And she soundslike he had been personally attacking her when he said he didn’t like it. He’sentitled to an opinion.

“Overpriced candy, expensive outfits you only wear once, and not to mention some ofthose outfits appropriate multiple cultures and are thinly veiled racism,” hepoints out. He’s put a lot of thought into this over the years. Everythingabout Halloween is annoying and overrated.

“Wow,” shebreathes out, clearly surprised by his passionate answer, “You really have alot of feelings about this.”

“I’m justa realist,” he shrugs again, “This punch is terrible.”

“I canagree with that,” she says before making a show of chugging her own cup, “Butit tastes better the drunker you are.”

He getsanother cup. The Princess makes no show of going away to enjoy the dance flooror the free candy offered. Instead she remains at the drink table with him and somehow,they end up talking about extremely…intense topics. She’s in nursing schooland apparently, hates every minute of it. He tells her about failing his lastexam because he was working too many hours at the bar. It becomes a bitpessimistic at times. She decides to change the subject before he does.

“I knowit’s a mask,” she says after spotting a ridiculous Barack Obama costume, “Butit feels wrong to dress up as the President. Like they’re trying to insulthim.”

“Would yousay the same if someone came dressed as George Bush?” he asks, and not evenbecause he disagrees with her. But mostly because she looks really cute the wayher cheeks are flushed and her hands a flailing around trying to explain ethicsto him.

“I wouldprobably feel differently about that,” she points to the Obama mask wearingoffender, “If it wasn’t a white person.”

He liftshis cup to her, “Touché.”

He decideshe likes this Princess, even if she is a Halloween supporter. She’s got spunk.She’s feisty and she’s making the party somewhat bearable. Yet, somehow, onlyan hour has passed at the drink table before her phone goes off.

“I gottarun,” she says downing the rest of her drink and tossing the cup in the trash,“But thanks for entertaining me. Do you still hate Halloween?”

“That’snot changing,” he responds immediately. She only grins at that.

“Oh, Ithink it will.”

*

2014

He findsthat he really likes his apartment. Miller becomes one of his closest friend, asort of friendship he hadn’t experienced in a long time. Not since Raven Reyesdecided to go be an engineer at some prestigious college on the coast. Heenjoys having Miller around and even Monty has made an effort to includeBellamy in his D&D group. It’s not something he thought he would enjoy butactually, he loves it. Octavia stays pretty busy with school and hasn’t beenhome much, so he’s been forced to occupy his time with other things. Nerdythings, as his sister called them. He doesn’t really care. He feels like he’sfinding a home at this place.

They go tothe rooftop again for Halloween this year and he isn’t forced this time. Millerand Monty go as two video game characters he’s never heard of, which is verythem, and he keeps his costume. Miller rolls his eyes at the familiar oranget-shirt but doesn’t make him change. That’s a true friend. When they arrive,there are a few more people than last year and there seems to be two speakersinstead of one. They’re trying to make it a bit more exciting, according toMonty, but Bellamy thinks it’s just right.

He mightbe down to party, he still hates this holiday and probably will until the dayhe dies. Seriously, what was the fucking point of it? He leaves his friends tograb a drink and though he remembers how disgusting the punch was last year, hestill pours himself a cup. Yep, just as disgusting.

“Niceoutfit,” is how it starts once again. He turns to find the princess once againpouring herself a drink. It takes him a moment to recognize her, she’s got abrown wig twisted on the side of her head. Princess Leia. How original.

“I couldsay the same to you,” he comments with a scoff. She moves next to him, thewhole things feeling very much like a routine between the two of them despitebeing strangers. He hadn’t seen her since last Halloween. He figured she musthave moved on with her life, whatever that may be. Apparently, she just makes appearancesat the Halloween party.

“PrincessLeia is a badass,” she defends, and the spell begins again. He isn’t sure whatit is about her. She has a way of making him feel as though they’re old friendscatching up – she updates him a nursing school and he tells her about finishingundergrad and completing his Master’s. She tells him about wanting to be anartist but being pressured into nursing. He tells her about raising his sister.It’s all pretty fucking ridiculous considering he doesn’t even know her name.

“You wannadance?” she asks during a comfortable silence between them. Normally, he wouldsay no. But he finds himself nodding and following her to the dance floor.

“You a fanof Halloween yet?” she asks as he twirls her around to the sounds of MonsterMash.

“Hell no,”he responds, “You’ll have to try a little harder, Princess.”

She smirksat that, “Did you not get to trick or treat as a kid?”

He dipsher and she giggles, “Not really. Not a great neighborhood for getting candy.Might end up with a bag of meth instead.”

He doesn’tmean to get all serious. He’s just being honest. His mom worked hard to providefor them but they didn’t grow up in a great area. Not the kind of place to hangout and play baseball outside or anything. He’s okay with that. But she giveshim a pitying look and he lets go of her hand.

“I didn’tsay it to make you feel bad for me,” he grumbles defensively, and he’ssurprised when she gives him a soft smile.

“Oh, Idon’t,” she reassures him and he can’t help but feel a bit confused. Shesmiles, “I just think it’s all the more reason for you to give Halloween achance now that you’re older.”

Hechuckles at that, “You’re awfully determined.”

“This ismy favorite holiday.”

“We allhave our flaws,” he responds, and she gives him a playful shove and he grabsher hand. For a moment things are silent and he feels a magnetic pull towardsher. Something about her intrigues him and okay, she’s beautiful with herexpressive blue eyes and soft smile. Just as his lips brush against hers, herphone rings. She jumps back and stares at the screen, something changing in herface. She looks almost…sad.

“I have totake this,” she says apologetically. Before he can question her any further,she disappears.

Shedoesn’t come back.

*

2015

He findshimself choosing to celebrate Halloween, or rather, choosing to celebrate onbehalf of someone else. Gina, his girlfriend, had been adamant about doingsomething fun for the holiday. She likes dressing up and having a good time andhell, he doesn’t want to be the one to stop her. So, rather than go out andspend money he doesn’t have at some bar, he figured the rooftop party would bejust the place.

It’s moreof a spectacle this year. Some of the residents of the complex created acommittee to help spruce it up and when he arrives, it’s a vast difference fromthe past small soirees. There are lights strung up around the roof top, morepatio furniture had been added. There’s a DJ (though it’s just Monty’s friendJasper who also plays D&D on Wednesdays). There also seems to be morepeople, but this has it’s perks. Instead of cheap beer and shitty punch thereis more variety at the drink table. There are bottles and bottles of liquorfollowed by liters of soft drinks. Part of him thinks having a table to mixyour own drinks is an awful idea, but he plans on standing guard at the drinktable, anyway.

“Let’sdance!” Gina pleads with him when they arrive. The music is loud and pop-y andthe dance floor is littered with awful costumes and awkward people. He wouldrather stab out his eyes.

“Mybrother doesn’t dance,” Octavia says from behind them and when he turns around,he’s ready to have an aneurysm. She’s wearing an intricate bathing suit topwith a long, green sequined skirt. She has scales painted on her face. Afucking mermaid.

“When didyou pierce your belly button?” is all he can say, hating the silver piece ofjewelry currently dangling from her navel. She’s an adult, he knows that, butit’s still his baby sister and Jesus, isn’t she cold?!

“Come on,Gina,” Octavia rolls her eyes and pulls his girlfriend to the dance floor. Hestomps his way to the drink table because, yeah, it’s going to be a long night.

He decidesto start off with a Jack and Coke, because the old legends say drinking beerfirst thing is the sure way to get sick. And, okay, he’s tested that theorybefore and it is definitely accurate. He takes his spot next to the drink tableand tries to take a drink, unsuccessfully, when his ears nearly fall of hishead. Stupid costume.

“Niceoutfit,”

He turns automatically to have his suspicionsconfirmed. The Princess stands before him, pouring her drink and grinning athim like an idiot as she takes in his costume. Gina had really insisted ondressing up for this and honestly, he really wants to make her happy becauseshe’s a cool chick and he likes her a lot. So when she suggested they go asbugs bunny and Lola bunny, he wasn’t really against it. He likes Space Jam andit’s a simple costume. So he let her order a pair of bunny ears for him and lethe glue a tail to a pair of his old basketball shorts. He’s a good boyfriend.

He’s aboutto bite out a “thanks” when he notices what she’s wearing. There is no wig. Notiara. Instead her blonde hair is all natural, cut just below the chin and hereffort in a costume minimal this year. His jaw snaps shut when he reads theorange t-shirt she’s wearing. It reads, “Costume”.

“Veryfunny,” he deadpans, and it only causes her to grin in triumph.

“Thanks,”she laughs, “For the inspiration, I mean. I’m someone who hates Halloween.”

“Yeah,” herolls his eyes, “I got that.”

“Youshould be flattered,” she says as though it’s obvious, “I couldn’t have donethis without you.”

“Thanksfor the credit.”

It’sstrange how they fall into an easy conversation after that, like last year theyhadn’t been about to make out on the dance floor and she hadn’t justdisappeared. He had thought about her for weeks after that, tempted to try andfind her one way or the other. But then he met Gina and he pushed all thoughtsof the Princess away from his mind. Until now, as she stands before him in acostume influenced by his dry humor and pessimism. He can’t help but feel alittle flattered, after all.

She askshim about his year and he tells her all the fine details, issues in hisdepartment at school and getting offered to study abroad for a semester. That’ssomething he hadn’t even told Gina but with her, it comes out like it’s no bigdeal. She congratulates him on the opportunity and tells him about her ownexperience – she’s a nurse and got the opportunity to go to the Caribbean tohelp in the aftermath of a natural disaster. Talking to her makes him feel likehe’s talking to a figment of his imagination. It’s easy to get lost and that’s prettydamn scary.

He doesn’teven notice when Gina comes up behind him.

“Bell?”she asks warily, looking between him and the Princess uncomfortably. He givesher a reassuring smile.

“Hey,” heputs an arm around her and she melts into him immediately, “I was just talkingabout you.”

Mostlyabout how scared he is to tell her about being away for three months, butstill. He doesn’t want her to feel neglected or anything. He likes her. A lot.

“You wannaget out of here?” Gina asks leaning into him, her breath hot on his neck. Helooks over her head for a moment to at least say goodbye to the Princess, maybeeven get her name because now she knows a little too much about him. But she’sgone already, having slipped away as Gina rolled into them. He turns hisattention back to his girlfriend and gives her soft kiss.

“Sure.”

*

2016

“I cameall the way here to go to this stupid rooftop party, so you’re going to takeme!”

RavenReyes is a lot of things. A spitfire, for one, ready to kick any and everyone’sass at any given moment. She’s also demanding, something he learned early on intheir friendship to deal with. Except today. Because he’s really not in thefucking mood.

“Go withOctavia,” he mutters under his breath, clicking into the next episode of NewGirl without a second thought. It’s once again his least favorite holiday andhe had a really shitty day at work. It’s his first semester as a teacher at thehigh school and the kids were extra rambunctious today. He’s got one hell of aheadache.

“Bellamy,get your ass up and let’s go,” she yanks the remote from his hand and begins topull on his arms, “You can wear your stupid ironic t-shirt for all I care,we’re going.”

He findshimself on the roof again. It’s been a year of ups and downs for him. Hestudied abroad in Greece, which has to be the highlight because it is probablythe second best experience of his life (the first being when he held his babysister for the first time – he’s a sap and he doesn’t care). He graduated withhis Master’s in history and had just begun his first teaching gig. On thedownside, Octavia moved in with her boyfriend, Lincoln, and he had to paydouble the rent for almost three months before finding a new roommate. His nameis John Murphy and he’s almost positive he’s a sociopath, but a cool sociopathonce you get to know him. Gina also broke up with him about three weeks beforehe left for his trip. Long distance wasn’t really her thing. He doesn’t blameher.

Ravendecided to come visit him for the first time in two years, mostly because sheand her boyfriend just broke up and she needed time away. But also because shemissed him and he had been in a foul mood for the past few months and neededcheering up.

He makeshis way to the drink table and takes up his usual post after introducing Ravento all the regulars. When he introduces her to Luna, his downstairs neighbor,well, it’s all over from there. He doesn’t see Raven again that night. Butthat’s not the part that bothers him. He spends over an hour at the drink tableand she never shows. The princess who copied his costume and who learned hisdeepest secrets before his fucking name. He thought maybe this would become athing. Like maybe she’s supposed to show up and talk him through his crisisevery Halloween. It’s a stupid expectation. Hell, he’s not even positive she’sreal.

Hefinishes four drinks before giving up and going home. Fuck Halloween.

2017

“Pleasewear it!”

He staresat the offending garment like he’s hoping to burn a hole through it,“Absolutely not.”

“You’lllook so hot!”

“Ew,please don’t ever say that again.”

Ravenhuffs at her roommate. He’s being stubborn, he knows that, but she knows how hefeels about costumes and she’s trying to force him to be part of a groupcostume which is just…it’s fucking cheesy.

“Please!”she begs, adjusting her own pink jackets as she pulls her hands together in aplea, “Even Murphy is doing it! Emori!”

She wantshim to dress up as one of the guys from Grease, leather jacket, hair gel, andtight pants. It’s a bit over the top if you ask him. He hates it. He shouldhave known this is how things would go when she moved in – what Raven wants,Raven gets. After last year, she decided to move to New York to be closer toher friends. She’d never admit it, but he also thinks it has something to dowith Luna. The two aren’t official by any means, but they spend a lot of timetogether. Raven says she isn’t into labels, so whatever, but he knows the girlcares about her.

“I don’tremember ever saying I would be a part of this, you just signed me up,” hepoints out. She had brought it to him as soon as he got home from work. She didhappen to catch him a good day, mostly because there were no students at work(it was an in-service day which meant he had a quiet classroom all to hisself).  But going as the cast of Greaseis a sure way of bringing his good mood down.

“We’re alldoing it,” she argues again, “Besides, this is going to be the biggest partyyet! Miller is proposing to Monty!”

He knowsthis. Miller has already been to his apartment to freak out on numerousoccasions. They’ve been dating for almost seven years but only recently hasmarriage been legalized in all fifty states and they feel comfortable enough todo it. He’s happy for them and they honestly make him believe that love doesexist – they’re a good match and he knows how happy Monty makes him.

“I’m notdoing it.”

Thirtyminutes later, he finds himself on the fucking roof again with the leatherjacket slung over his shoulders. Raven can be very persuasive. They’re standingin the group and he realizes how much thought Raven really did put into this.Everyone is here and dressed up – Murphy and Emori, Octavia and Lincoln, Millerand Monty. Hell, even Luna came dressed as a Pink Lady.

“Where thehell is Clarke?” Raven hisses to Luna when she arrives. He has no idea whoClarke is, but Raven has already made more friends in her short time here thanhe has since he moved in. So, no surprises there.

“She’salways late, you know that,” Luna rolls her eyes, “She’ll be here.”

“Yo,Danny,” Raven calls and it takes him a moment to realize she’s talking to him,“Go grab me a beer.”

“I’m sorry,are you incapable?” he snaps and runs a hand through his hair, only for hisfingers to get stuck in the hair gel.

She flipshim the finger and he shuffles over to the table. Not because she told him too,he was already going to come here. He’ll just be nice and grab her a beer whilehe’s over here. Because he’s polite. And definitely not because she told himto. He reaches into the cooler to dig around for his favorite – he’s stickingto beer tonight. He has to teach in the morning.

He feels afamiliar pull and knows she’s there before she speaks.

“Wow,” shesays as he stands up, the buckles of his jacket clanking together, “Niceoutfit.”

He turnsslowly and before he can control it, his jaw opens slightly. It’s the Princess,alright, except she isn’t a princess at all. She’s dressed in a tight blackbody suit, and it’s clinging to every luscious curve of her body, paired with aleather jacket eerily similar to his own. He’s seen Grease enough time torecognize a Sandy when he sees one. He practically chokes on air. He looks overhis head to see the others watching him and Raven is looking extremely smugwhich makes him think she had something to do with this. He has no idea how shecould know, or how she could possibly be involved. But if anybody could figureit out, it’s her.

“I’mLuna’s roommate,” she seems to read his mind and she extends her hand with ahalf-smile, “Clarke Griffin.”

“Youweren’t here last year,” he says stupidly. He should introduce himself.Compliment her outfit because, damn. But all he can think about is that shewasn’t here last year.

She dropsher hand and glances down at her feet sheepishly, “I was working. New nursesalways have to work holidays.”

“Oh,” heresponds and still can’t figure out what to say. She’s been living in thisbuilding the whole time and he never once ran into her? She never tried to findhim despite their almost hook up two three years ago? Holy shit this has beengoing on that long?

“I guessthis is as weird for you as it is for me?” she asks, “I can leave, if you want.I know we’ve kind of been like…weirdly intimate but don’t really know eachother? And, honestly, I gave up when you showed up with a girlfriend but nowyou’re here and Raven said you’re single and you look really hot in thatcostume…”

It’s thisprecise moment that his brain actually decides to function and he laughs,watching as this girl he’s been dancing around for four years on the same dayrambles away about their strange relationship and admittedly having a crush onhim, similar to the way he’s felt about her. She’s been sort of his own littletradition – like every Halloween he goes to the roof to talk to this mysteriousgirl about all the things he was afraid to admit outloud to everyone else. Andshe’s fucking real and standing in front of him in a matching costume because,surpise, she actually knows his friends and lives two floors below him. Whatare the fucking odds.

He’shaving a hard time processing it all and wants to claim insanity when he slidesa hand into her thick curls and surges forward to kiss her. She stiffens and hepulls away, heart pounding in his chest and feeling completely disoriented.

“Shit,that was weird,” he panics, “I’m Bellamy. But you probably already know thatand…God, I’m sorry.”

She laughsthen, sweet and shy as her eyes search his own frantic ones, “No offense,Bellamy, but we’ve been talking for four years. Aren’t you tired?”

Shedoesn’t need to ask twice. He kisses her again and faintly hears the PinkLadies and the T-birds in the background hooting and hollering in theirapproval. It’s bizarre. But Halloween is a bizarre holiday and honestly, hemight not hate it so much after all.

[mystudioflow-blog]

My Recording Studio Journey pt.1 (#mystudioflow)

I spent all of my teenage and adult life writing, producing and recording my own hip hop music treating it like a hobby although I claimed I would earn my living with it one day. In 2010 at around 30 years old after years of talking the talk and thinking I knew it all. I started to realise I was wrong. I had to start being honest with myself after I went and recorded with a local producer who was much further along than I was. He was working in Pro Tools, had a much better mic and a real outboard mic pre (UA710). Whereas I was working with outdated software and had no Idea what Plugins were, how to tune vocals or dial in a compressor. When I left his house I was driving home listening to the song we did. At first I was very excited about the pop sound with my vocals tuned and a decent rough mix…. even though up until that day I was ANTI-auto tune and hated modern pop music! After playing it on repeat for about 20 minutes my mood started to change. I started to get this indescribable gut wrenching feeling. All I could think was that he was five or six years younger than me and he was leaps and bounds past where I was with my craft. He was charging $40.00 an hour producing and recording for people in his apartment and I wasn’t getting any respect or making any money because my final product sounded like GARBAGE in comparison to his. As the days passed I started bugging out and feeling depressed.

After about a week of pondering on these thoughts and tormenting myself I came to a conclusion. I was going to need to either go ALL in on music production and engineering or I needed to just quit because I felt like a joke. Considering the fact that music and studio life was always how I identified myself and I felt so overwhelmingly passionate about it. I decided there was only one option….GO ALL IN!!! First I reached out to the guy I recorded with and asked him what mic and pre amp he had. I told him I was going to get some new gear, Pro Tools and some plugins so I could start making a living doing what I love like he did. He got quiet for a moment and responded by saying “Going and buying the gear I have isn’t going to make you as good as me”……… I took it well and stayed cordial on the phone but all I could think was “Oh yeh?!? Watch me mother effer!! WHATCH ME!!

My next step was to try and convince my wife to let me spend a few grand on some of the gear and software I needed to start working towards making a living in my own studio. After a considerable amount of debating I was able to convince her to give approval on a Guitar Center card to get the ball rolling. I also sold my 1988 IROC Z Camaro, my booming system and all the crappy equipment I had in an effort to raise money for some new gear. My first burst of purchasing went like this. i3 iMac, Pro Tools 8, Waves Native Power Pack, UA610 mk2, Sterling Audio st69 mic (yuk) and a pair of Dynaudio monitors. Oh yes and I also bought auto tune. I got all the equipment hooked up and software installed. Then the long road of learning and troubleshooting could really begin! I had been mixing all my own projects for years leading up to this but still didn’t really have a good understanding of mixing and mastering. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

Over the next year or so I was layed off from work and home during the day with 2 babies trying to learn audio engineering while being Mr. Mom. I would wake up in the middle of the night and end up in my basement studio watching You Tube videos and franticly researching trying to learn my craft. I was reading books for the first time in my life!! I was going to Barns And Noble to escape my family and read all the audio magazines for free. About 2 years after my BIG decision to go all in on learning my craft we moved our family of four from Connecticut to Cape Coral, FL . This is where my wife is from and where we met years before. Shortly after arriving in Florida a friend at work recommended that I put an add on Craigslist as a home recording studio. That evening I sat down and did just that! It only took a few days and I got my first call which turned into my first steady client… A Christian Rapper. I was so excited and full of nerves for the first few sessions considering I had only recorded myself and a few friends up until that point and had never really charged much money. I was making $8.00 more per hour in my home studio than I was making at my day job doing strenuous physical labor. This was when my bad attitude towards my day job life began to escalate rapidly. I spent about a year recording with ten to fifteen clients before I decided to go take an audio engineering class at Vibe Recording in Ft. Myers, Florida. I felt I needed to go fill in the blanks with some formal education so I could gain the confidence needed to open my own commercial recording studio. This had been my dream since my first time in a real studio at 18 years old. I actually have an earlier memory of my uncle who was the lead singer in a band that took me to his friends house who had a recording set up. He had a tape machine, microphones and a mixing board. I was about 6–8 years old and all I can remember is how floored I was. I vividly remember being very excited that they could actually record music in their basement and play it on a tape in the car!!!!! I also remember them telling me that all their equipment actually sucked and was not good quality. I was not phased by there negative comments about their crappy gear. I thought it was absolutely AMAZING! This is the same uncle (Uncle Med) who took me to my first concert when I was six years old…. Michael Jackson (BAD)!! All I know is that as far back as I can remember music was a GIANT part of my life and seemed to be what made me tic.

Ok Im loosing track of the story…

I started my classes and just fell more and more in love with the process of recording, mixing and mastering. I started engulfing myself with information. I had podcasts going all day (Pensado’s Place, Recording Studio Rockstars and Working Class Audio) as well as reading magazines and books. Along with the obvious late nights in my home studio with clients or working on my own personal productions sharpening my swords. I was spending as much time as a 40 hour working married father of three could at the studio where I took classes definitely pushing the limit at times and straining my home life. I was going to work from 7am to 3:30 or 4:00pm. Then Picking my kids up from daycare to take them home, cook them dinner and eat with the family. Then I would go straight from the dinner table to class. At the end of class I would always try to spend some extra time. Whether at the studio sitting in on sessions or at the local brewery with people from the studio. Talking music, audio and making relationships with like minded people some work nights I wouldn’t make it home till as late as 2am. Actually I was hanging around people that were smarter than me in many cases which really helped to speed up my progression. I finished the class never scoring below a 99% on any test or project which is funny considering I had ALWAYS been an F and D student growing up. I started assisting my teacher and mentor Chad Zuchegno on saturdays as well as attending the next round of classes religiously in many cases assisting in the classroom as well.

After about 3 months of assisting and attending my second round of classes I did an 11hr day helping at the studio. Doing everything from setting up the mics to getting coffees and emptying garbages (keep in mind I’m in my 30’s). At the end of the day Chad took me out for a beer and a cigar which was kind of the norm. Then as I sipped my first bear Chad looked up from texting with the other owner of the studio and asked me “Hey do you want to work a session at the studio on your own tomorrow?” This would be my first session at a real established commercial recording studio! Of course I said yes! As the evening progressed he proceeded to tell me some things I really needed to hear. He said “YOU DO BELONG in the studio”….. “YOU are already a GREAT engineer!”…. “This IS what your SUPPOSED to be doing”…. This my friends was a pivotal point for the future of my life. On my ride home that night I remember having the windows down, loudly playing my own work and letting out shouts of extreme happiness “WOOOOOOOO YEEEESSS!!!! I DID IT!!! I AM DOING IT!!! I CAN EFFING DO IT!! WOOOOHOO”.

To be continued………….

[chelsorz07]

does everybody hate my walks down memory lane yet?

This one’s actually a year older than the others. 2009 vs 2017

BASIC INFORMATION Name: chelsea. I mean my last name has changed but my first name hasn’t. Birthday: july 26. -- 274 days till i'm 21!! I guess 274 days till I’m 29? Shoe Size: eight. Nine. My feet got fat along with the rest of me. Hair Colour: dark reddish brown. Several different shades of reddish brown. Plus some grey. Eye Colour: hazel. More like green on the outside, brown on the inside. Hazel would be its own separate color. Relationship Status: taken. Married. Zodiac: leo. Still. School: none. Been done with that shit for a decade now. __________________________________________________ FAVOURITES Colour: green. Green, plaid, black, grey. Male Celebrity: mike lobel. Jensen Ackles. Female Celebrity: sophia bush. Danneel Ackles. Shoes: chucks & flip flops. My grey BareTraps booties. Brand: starting to realllly love old navy. especially when i can get pants, 2 shirts, and a jacket all for 36 bucks lol That’s really broad. Like brand of clothes? I don’t have one. Brand of makeup? Tarte. Brand of shoes? Nike. Brand of food? Great Value idk lol Book: second helpings. The dictionary. JK it’s still and will always be Second Helpings.  Sport: football. Football. TV Show: one tree hill. Supernatural. Gum: bubblicious hubba bubba max blue raspberry. I don’t like gum anymore. Hair Colour on Opposite Sex: brown or black. Brown. __________________________________________________ NAME SOMETHING THAT STARTS WITH A: aftershave...no idea why that popped in my head haha Absolut vodka. B: bubbles. Barnacles. C: chicken. Cheerleading. D: dark. Dartboard. E: entertainment. Elliptical. F: fooooood. Frontierland (spn). G: great. Gyration. J: jizz lol Jell-o. K: knife. that was jo's answer but i can't think of anything else. Kiss. L: latino - where the hell are these words coming from lol Laser. M: mother. Megaphone. N: nicotine. Narcolepsy. O: otter. Outback Steakhouse because I just ate there the other day. P: poker. Petticoat. Wow. Q: quailman!  Quaker Boy. Man I miss that job.

R: reese's cup. Rage. S: shit. Salmon. T: titties? Tupperware. U: underwear. Uganda. V: van. Ventriloquist. W: walker. Wakeboard. X: xylophone - and no you spelled it right lol X-ray. Y: yorkie. Yosemite. Z: zane (hot guy on H2o). Zillow. I’m in the market for a house. __________________________________________________ LOVE Have a Crush: you could say that. Many, on celebrities. Do they like you back: yep. They don’t even know me. Or are you in a Relationship Now: yeah. Married. If Someone Likes You: doesn't matter. It’s whatevs. __________________________________________________ 5.. 5 FAVOURITE MOVIES 1. bring it on. 2. grind. 3. halloween. 4. dirty dancing. 5. degrassi goes hollywood. not so much for the movie, but for the fact that manny & jay got back together. Mean Girls, Bring it On, Grind, Halloween, and Pocahontas. 5 FAVOURITE CELEBRITIES 1. keith urban. 2. mike lobel. 3. sophia bush. 4. hilarie burton. 5. and yes, james lafferty. Jensen Ackles, Misha Collins, Jared Padalecki, Randy Owen, and Johnny Rzeznik. 5 THINGS YOU FIND IN YOUR ROOM 1. pandas - everywhere. 2. bed. 3. guitars. 4. tv. 5. clothes all over the floor. Mini fridge, bookshelves, record player, still clothes all over the floor, and Dave because he’s sleeping right now. Or he’s trying to. 5 THINGS YOU CANT LIVE WITHOUT 1. friends. 2. music. 3. chicken. 4. my phone. 5. beer. Money, Netflix, family/friends, Rockstar, and music. And cigarettes. 5 BEST ARTISTS/BANDS 1. goo goo dolls. 2. poison. 3. keith urban. 4. the spill canvas. 5. firehouse. Goo Goo Dolls, Alabama, Matchbox Twenty, All Time Low, and Sara Bareilles. 5 BEST BRANDS/STORES 1. old navy. 2. arizona/penney's. 3. avon. 4. spencer's. 5. thsirthell. Amazon, ULTA, Hot Topic, Sheetz, and Joann Fabrics just because I get a discount and they have all my Halloween decorations. __________________________________________________ QUESTIONS 1. Have an obsession? a few. Many. 2. Where do you plan to go this summer? road trip down south with mah bee eff eff. Well the Foo Fighters are gonna be in Cleveland July 25, which is the day before my birthday. So I wanna go to that. Also you can do tours of Waverly Hills Sanatorium in Louisville. 3. What Month is it? octoberrr. Obviously since I took this quiz eight years ago today, it’s also now October. 4. Anything big coming up? not really. Hopefully buying a house and moving home soon. 5. Why are you doing this? need something else to do while i watch gymnastics & wait for it to be 4 so i can watch the bills beat carolina. The sound on my tv keeps cutting out and it’s really aggravating so I got on my laptop to catch up on youtube videos but I got sidetracked doing this. 6. Like your parents? no. My dad yes. My mom...ehh, things are slowly improving. 7. Do you sleep with a teddy bear? heffalump. Nope.  8. Do you eat when you're nervous? i eat all the time. I didn’t even read my previous answer and “I eat all the time” popped into my head as soon as I saw the question. 9. Own a dress? surprisingly...i have like four or five...yeah, that's a lot for me lol I have a couple but I can’t wear them because of my skin. 10. Are you a fast typer? quite. 80-90 wpm. 11. Do you wanna have kids? no. Yes. 12. Who do you usually have Christmas dinner with? my parents, my sisters, mark, austen, maranda (now that she's here haha), cindy, and emily. and diane & the kids show up at some point during the day. My family but I won’t be home for Christmas this year. 13. Who do you celebrate New Years with? i haven't really celebrated it at all lately...but this year the crew's getting smashed for sure. I don’t celebrate it. 14. Where do you live? here. Ohio. Unfortunately. 15. Have you made a cootie catcher in your younger years? oh god, so many. Yeah a lot. 16. Plans this weekend? it's over. bowling, shopping, out with people, dinner, out again. Well this past weekend we went to Canton on Friday, I worked Saturday and then we got groceries, and we went home Sunday and came back here Monday. Next weekend I have no plans except work. 17. To your left is: wall, window, fan, cabinet, cd tower, atari stuff. Table, Dish remote, lamp, bottle of water, picture of my sister, some random mail, two candles, and Dave’s wallet/keys/deodorant/Axe spray. 18. To your right is: wall, fridge, pandas, guitars, amp, cabinet. My phone, Vizio remote, sound bar remote, another table with a bunch of crap on it, and the couch. 19. In your pocket is: nothing. Cigarettes, lighter, my debit card, and a Sheetz receipt.  20. Nervous about anything? kinda. Not really. 21. Scared of the Dark? nope. Negative. 22. Have any phobias? several. Driving, bridges, weather, specifically tornadoes even though I’ve never seen one, bees, being in public, the possibility of finding out that I can’t have kids, riding in a car with Dave, planes...I’m sure there are more but I can’t think of them all right now. 23.Your Opinion on Turtles? indifferent. Same. 24. Whats a Store near your house? save a lot, tops, arby's, family dollar, dollar general, the liquor store, CVS, the music store, goodwill, country fair, and all the places on main st. The closest one is a hair salon but idk if that counts as a “store”...probably one of the restaurants on 3rd st or Dollar General. 25. What did you do last march break? nothing? I don’t have March break. 26. Like Gum? only one kind. No. 27. Age you’d like to be? 274 days older than i am. Don’t care. 28. Place you would rather be? i'm good. Bradford. 29. Were you ever obsessed with High School Musical? haha yeah, i was for a while. You betcha. I still love it. Not the third one though. 30. Movie You Would like to see? paranormal activity. For the record, Paranormal Activity was shitty AF. I want to see Thank You For Your Service __________________________________________________ THE END Happy you're done? kinda. I have to poop so yeah I guess. What are you gonna do now? watch tv, watch football, then eat dinner. Poop, smoke a cigarette, and watch youtube videos.