#Biblio Everyday

[kjcamilli]

Red Rose of the House of Tudor 

Kathryn Lasky

Princess Elizabeth is only 11 and longs for the King’s –her father’s– attention, although he has once again sent her away from Court. She battles loneliness, family drama, poisoning attempts, and sickness along with a great number of other schemes and maladies. Lasky excels at using a tone and language that will seem familiar to younger readers, making them care for and relate to the young princess, while still having them learn about not only her and the rest of the cast of King Henry VIII’s court, but also about his various wives, the differences between royal life and village life, and the wars and political happenings of the time. Through Elizabeth, readers learn about the other palace children and nobles, from the panicky Lady-In-Waiting, to the loyal friend Robin, to her own siblings, the frail studious Edward and the fearsome but religious Mary. Elizabeth finds herself balancing her studies with play, while trying not to run astray of her father’s ever-changing moods or her sister Mary’s wrath. She details what everyday life would have been like for a princess in the 1500s, while still maintaining a relatable character, and dealing with some adventure–of a sort. Elizabeth takes it upon herself to try and save Queen Catherine and her own tutor when Princess Mary and her friends go scheming, as well as maintaining a constant passive-aggressive battle with her sister. Throughout her story, she deals with the grief of having lost her mother, as well as four other Queens, the usual struggles of growing up, and the fear of what the changing politics could mean for her and her life. The book is well-written to teach while still keeping readers entertained and interested with Elizabeth’s funny and frank way of writing all that is happening in the various castles. The book includes an epilogue that explains what happened after the story ends, including what befalls Edward and May’s eventual bloody rule, which is harder to read than the rest of the story, but not too gruesome or dense. There is also additional information on life in the Tudor era, as well as paintings, photos, and family trees to provide more context. 

BIBLIO: 1999, Scholastic Inc, Ages 9 to 12, $10.95.

REVIEWER: Katherine Camilli

FORMAT: Middle Reader

ISBN: 0-590-68484-1

[gamma-cray]

09.04.21 / another day spent camping at the library;; I love the free to use whiteboards as much as I despise the sheer amount of things to do - it also kinda just struck me that I have to do at least two assignment questions everyday in order to complete my submission on time:”) on the other hand, I gravely underestimated the amount to write and plot for my audio processing project report but at least I finally sat down to enter all the biblio today?

side note: I really like space-time diagrams they make everything make so much more seNsE

[mostlysignssomeportents]

We CAN have nice things

Biden rightfully calls the $2.2t stimulus package a "once-in-a-generation investment in America," but as AOC points out, it's not nearly enough - the $40b for housing nationwide would barely cover the bill for NYC alone.

The country and the Democrats can't afford to smallball this one. The *real* debts we've racked up - infrastructure, health, education and climate - matter far, far more than the "national debt" that goldbug bedwetters never stfu about.

As Stephanie Kelton writes in the New York Times, the US can't run out of US dollars; debts do not constrain federal spending. Instead, the US government is constrained by resources: available workers, idle factories, raw materials.

The USG can make as many dollars as it needs by typing zeroes into a spreadsheet, but it conjuring more laborers and productive apparatus is far more difficult. Inflation isn't the result of too many dollars, it's the result of too few things you can buy with those dollars.

That's why an anti-inflationary spending program isn't about constraining spending, it's about increasing the pool of things governments can buy. Right now, we have lots of un- and under-employed people who need good jobs doing necessary care, climate and infrastructure work.

But the $10t worth of spending America needs to attain resiliency for the coming century of climate emergencies will put every American who wants a job to work for as many years as they are willing to work and still not fill the gap.

https://locusmag.com/2020/07/cory-doctorow-full-employment/

Of course, there's a simple solution to this: reform immigration policy to welcome the millions of people who are literally dying to come here, trained and untrained alike (worker training is another job that needs doing). Type zeroes into a Treasury spreadsheet so we can pay them a socially inclusive wage with decent benefits. Put them to work alongside the people who are already here, building the country's productive capacity so that we can make more things that are for sale in dollars.

As Kelton explains: procurement rules that give preference to onshore goods and taxes that discourage offshoring are both anti-inflationary measures, because they increase the pool of goods for sale in US dollars, meaning more dollars can be safely spent.

But creating domestic capacity is a long-game and we need to spend a lot of money *right now*, which is why Kelton argues *against* Biden's "Buy American" rules: "There will be no lack of eager foreign producers if we need to relieve some demand pressure on the domestic front."

The right way to address America's massive real-world debts isn't to choose an arbitrary dollar figure and decide which debts we'll service - it's to decide what we want America to be and then figure out how we'll resource that vision.

Or as Bernie Sanders puts it: "You don’t start off by coming up with a sum and working down. You start out by looking at the needs that need to be addressed and adding them up."

This Modern Monetary Theory framework is gaining currency today, but it's hardly new.

It's been a current in economic thought for a long time. Back in 1945, New York Federal Reserve Chairman Beardsley Ruml gave a speech to the American Bar Association called "Taxes for Revenue Are Obsolete," explaining how America financed the war.

https://modernmoneynetwork.org/sites/default/files/biblio/BeardsleyRuml.pdf

He explained America didn't depend on taxes or war bonds to pay for the war effort - rather, these were a way to sequester the new money being spent into existence to pay for the war effort, so that those wages didn't compete with government spending for rubber, metal, etc.

The US government could make all the dollars it wanted, but it couldn't conjure up rubber or steel. That was constrained, and to dampen private sector demand, the USG clawed back some of the war-wages (taxes) and encouraged voluntary deferred spending (bonds).

Biden touts his $2.2t proposal as "fiscally responsible" because of its "payfors" - tax increases to match new spending with new taxing. Taxing is anti-inflationary (because it reduces private-sector spending power, leaving more goods on the market for the public sector).

We should tax the super-rich...but not to fight inflation. As multiple tax giveaways to the wealthy had demonstrated, giving rich people more money doesn't translate into the hoped-for stimulus that would come from new private-sector spending.

By definition, the rich have their material needs met. Even if they rush out and buy show-horses, ostrich-leather jackets, or super-yachts, these only absorb a minute fraction of their windfalls - the rest get pumped into assets, creating asset bubbles.

Trump's 2017 tax cuts and 2020 covid stimulus pumped trillions into the economy, but almost all of it went to the rich, who used it to play the financial casino, not to buy the labor of un- and underemployed people, nor the things they could make with that labor.

These trillions didn't create *general* inflation, but in certain asset classes (some socially useless ones like NFTs, stonks and exotic derivatives) we saw runaway inflation. Unfortunately, some of these asset bubbles intersected with basic human needs, like housing.

All that to say that stimulus "payfors" that only hit those making more than $400k will only be weakly anti-inflationary. Those people don't buy real goods with their money, so taking it away won't do much to reduce demand for real goods.

Which is not to say that we shouldn't tax the rich. We totally should. Wealth concentration is hugely corrosive, an endless perverter of public policy, a cancer within democracy that subordinates the public good to the endless pampering of a minuscule elite. Tax 'em!

That's why we should all be *very* excited about Janet Yellen's announcement that America is getting out of the corporate tax-break game. If she pulls this off, it's the beginning of the end for financialization itself.

https://twitter.com/SecYellen/status/1379842654398218243

But if we're going to spend $2.2t - or better yet, $10t on stimulus - we can't prevent inflation by taxing the rich. We need to do it with a combination of increasing the pool of goods and labor for sale in US Dollars, and by decreasing private sector demand.

That might mean more tax, but it could also take other forms - such as the Library Socialism vision of circulating abundance, whereby you are freed from the idiocy of owning a terrible drill that you use once a year, and instead get an absolutely *amazing* drill, on demand, that your neighbors also get to use.

https://memex.craphound.com/2019/11/25/library-socialism-a-utopian-vision-of-a-sustaniable-luxuriant-future-of-circulating-abundance/

This is a uniquely 21st century way of thinking about material luxury: solving the coordination costs of public ownership of certain goods using networked technology; it's the inverse of the "Great Reset" where you rent everything and own nothing.

Rather, it's a world where you get much, much more for less - and where they things you have are under your democratic control, rather than that of a remote corporate landlord.

There are many ways to reduce private sector demand while making things *better* for everyday people. A future where we pay off our (real, non-financial) debts is a future where we are safer, healthier, happier, and wealthier in real, material terms.

[fairyfolkreviews]

“A Book of Fairies” Review

I love all of Katharine Briggs’ books, but this one hardly does her justice. It is a brief compilation of articles, stories, and poems about fairies, and provides a very basic introduction to the study of fairy lore. It contains a few short essays on the basic issues that scholars studying folklore often research (the origin of fairy beliefs, time in Fairyland, protection against fairy charms, Changelings, etc.) and of the rest of the book consists of tales, poems, and recorded sightings of fairies in the British Isles from medieval times up until as recently as the late 1800s. All the material in this book is taken from Ms. Briggs’ most famous work, "A Dictionary of Fairies," which provides more sightings and folk tales along with references and a comprehensive bibliography, which this book unfortunately lacks.

This is by no means a book of children's fairy tales. Don't expect to find stories about tiny, cute fairies dressed in pink tutus and tiaras that fly about waving magic wands. It is a shame that this is how popular culture depicts them today so that they appeal to children. Some of the tales and sightings in this book can be dark, frightening, and even tragic. Only a few offer happy endings. I do not recommend this book for small children. Katherine Briggs' work is meant for scholarly research and explores the fairy beliefs of various cultures, but mostly from the British Isles. Unlike today's sickly sweet fairies, these vary in their physical appearances and demeanor: They could be tall and fair or diminutive and ugly. They could be kind and helpful towards mortals or bitter, jealous, and mischievous. What is fascinating is that the belief in fairies was prevalent up until the 19th century and was a part of everyday life. However, as people became more educated, the belief in them diminished and a lot of the tales and the origins of these tales faded away.

I loved the diversity of tales, poems, and sightings and that they were taken from different corners of the UK. It was interesting to note the similarities and differences in the sightings. You’ll even find that some of the tales have similar plots to fairy tales of the Brothers Grimm! The book is perfect for people who wish to begin their journey into the scholarly study of fairy lore or anyone interested in fairies and folk tales in general. It is compact (about the length and width of a person's hand) and light, making it convenient and portable. You could store it in a purse or even the pocket of a sweater or jacket if it is wide enough. I didn’t like that the book lacks any references, making it difficult for the newbie student of fairy lore to continue his/her education without some (or a lot of) Internet research. I wish the section of essays contained more from the "Dictionary of Fairies" to give more information on fairy behavior and taboos. I also would have like to see more illustrations taken from the Dictionary to embellish some of the tales and poems.

Although I enjoyed “A Book of Fairies,” It was merely an okay introduction to the study of fairy lore. It is a good place to start and you can find used copies on Amazon, Ebay, ABE books, Biblio, or other similar websites for acceptable prices. However, I recommend purchasing the “Dictionary of Fairies” if you are looking for more information and references.

Briggs, Katharine Mary. A Book of Fairies. Penguin Books, 1997.

For more information on this book, visit its page on goodreads here.

[miachanblog]

I’m not sure someone will read this and that’s fine, I just want to write it...

I’m so lost in my life, right now... I don’t know what I should do.

Going back to my childhood and teenage years, I grew up with really rigorous parents (mainly mother). I always were more into creative fields, but that’s not something that’s welcomed in my country. My mother was literally obsessed with my studies, and I had to study until 8/9PM everyday, cause she believed that was the only way I could get good results at school. My friends used to hang out without me. I was always stuck at home studying, to the point I had some strategies to pretend I was studying when in truth, I was reading books or playing games. My mother was so obsessive that she forbade me of buying books: so that I wouldn’t waste my time reading them. Only school books allowed. Have you known a mother who was unhappy that her children enjoyed reading? There you have it. Mine. My life was so controlled and so boring that at the weekends, I would wake up early and turn my TV with the volume really down, cause once my mother got up, my day was doomed. If she got up, I’d turn it offand stay in the bed while pretending to sleep, cause it was less boring than looking at a school book once again. This when I was younger. As I got older, I just pretended to sleep, no Tv on, nothing. I would even be wary of moving in my bd (as if asleep people don’t turn) afraid she’d think I was awaken. There was also a day when there was a teacher’s strike so my school closed down, and I was so sick of home and I knew that if I went home, it would just be one more day pretending to study, listening if any of my parents were walking around so that I had to hide my fiction book and go back to “study”, so I didn’t tell her the school had closed down. Instead, I went with some friends to a BIBLIO right next to the school to read the Witches comics that my mom didn’t allow me to buy. But she found about it from a neighbor and we had a really huge fight all the way home. Also, all my hobbies were individual sports (I hate sports), cause I had to stay slim, so no time for me to be creative. I was raised to be a genius in maths, science, law, medicine, something along that way, you see. But I NEVER wanted that. She was also obsessed with my weight and called me fat even when I was slim, so I also had pressure anytime I was eating or about too. So I grew up like that and suppressed my wishes since to every display of my actual dream, a very heated fight would start within my family. I though about getting a job to do as I wish, but she wouldn’t let me: My job was to study, and only study, or I would do bad at school. So I went to college without thinking much about it: everyone goes to college in my country, so they build you to believe you don’t have an option. They don’t ask if you want to go to college. The ask “what do you want to study in college?”... “When you go to college...”. These kind of words make you believe there is no choice. So I didn’t really know what I wanted because everyone shaped me into things I didn’t want to be. I chose Audiovisual and Multimedia cause it was a diverse course, and most subjects I didn’t even know what they were but sounded good to me... That’s how superficial the choice for my future was.

I finished college 4 years later, at 23 years old. I kinda enjoyed the course, so I stayed till the end, but then I realized I was really anxious to send a CV... In one year, I must have sent 5 CV’s, even if I opened the jobs’ offers pages quite often and scrolled all the way down... But I just couldn’t send them. I couldn’t see myself sitting on a desk 8 hours a day doing graphic design. I imagined myself unhappy, and also another problem was that I’m hypochondriac, so I’m really scared to go for jobs that make you sedentary...

I started doing digital illustration cause I realized it relieved my stress. I enjoyed developing a new skill too. I went through a surgery during that time, in which I couldn’t leave home afterwards, so I used all my time to draw and realized I haven’t been that happy in a really long time. It made me happy that I was improving in something, challenging myself, investing in me.

My real big passion always was to tell stories. Be it on series, songs, animation, movies, books, dance, even real people. Whatever it is: if it tells a story, I love it. And that’s what I realized... Is that my passion was telling stories and that I couldn’t handle to apply for jobs in graphic design cause you can’t tell a story in design, and since I’m very conformist, I knew that at the moment I entered a company, I would very much likely condemn to that life.

So I decided: I must invest on my dream. But I can’t just stay jobless. What can I do to support my dream? If I work all day looking at a computer screen, I don’t think I’ll have the energy to turn on my pc once again at home, cause my eyes will want to take a break, and remember that I fear being sedentary? Also, the company system kinda sucks your life in my country by working overtime (not paid, so yeah, that was a bad choice). I thought that I could get a dynamic part-time anywhere to gather some money and invest in illustration in my free-time. I did it. I work on McDonald’s right now and I actually don’t hate it. I gathered some money, and so I invested in something I really wanted to do as well, and my parents never let me: Singing lessons. I always wanted to learn how to sing but they never let me, so after having some money of mine I joined a music school, and I just had my 1st singing class and I loved it so much, I’m really looking forward to it.

But I couldn’t tell my parents that I basically committed career suicide. In their heads, I just couldn’t find a job about my course, so I desperately found a job in McDonald’s. I couldn’t tell them either that I signed up for singing lessons. They would tell me to stop playing round and become an adult, and they have a point on that, cause I should get a proper job, but how can I now? Seriously, all my life was a prison and I hadn’t realized it. Not only cause I was closed in my room all my childhood, scared that they would find me reading a book, but because I didn’t have experiences. And I couldn’t have them earlier, cause it was the time my mind needed to set free of their restrictions: that I could never be an artist, and anything related is a waste of time, and it’s ridiculous, and that my focus should be on reality. I finally put that aside by signing for singing lessons, like, I ALWAYS wanted to do that, and I finally did it, even if I’m too old. But my singing lessons are at 5:30PM, and any company job in Portugal is until 6PM. And you know what the worst is? Is that my father met a woman who works in a big company recruitment team, and he might have though that he would be saving me if he got me a job... Either that or he is ashamed that his daughter works at McDonald’s. Idk. But he got her contact, gave it to me, and demanded that I send her my CV. And you don’t imagine how anxious it makes me to go back to that file, to send it, to commit to a life that scares the hell out of me, that I never wished for, and that would stray me from following the path of my dreams that I just now started. It’s like, you just finally put down a brick wall that was blocking you and gives you a taste of freedom and then, it just builds again to stop you.

That woman is coming tomorrow to meet me, cause my father arranged it, and even if I couldn’t tell him I don’t want to, believe me, it was in my face. I’ve been crying everytime I think about this, and I’m scared I will cry tomorrow when she asks me what is my motivation and I get screwed cause I don’t have any. I’m scared to fail and bring shame to my father, and her, who actually went out of her way for me. I’m scared I get accepted and I have to give up my singing lessons after loving the first one. I’m scared cause I thought I was freed from their expectations. But I’m not.

[galaxyrunaway]

02/01/2019                                                                                                    2/100

I don’t know what happened today - I was so tired, sitting in class was so hard :/ but I did get some good notes from my Prof. and even a ride home :)  My change for today is reading from books - I have a pretty good access to online resources but lately my eyes and head kills me if I spent too much time reading from a screen.

Done Today:

Finish Acts 1-7.

Get ready for my class (Hosea 5:8-15; 6:1-6).

2H of O-C work. (I only got a hour of work)

Looking for Biblio for another paper (Genesis 23, 25-28:1-9, 35, 49).

Tomorrow:

Looking for Biblio for another paper (Genesis 23, 25-28:1-9, 35, 49). (3H)

Working on my presentation for Wen. two weeks from now. (3H)

O-C work. (2H)

Personal Work emails

H’s chapter biblio + fn (3H)

I have to go to the store as well - before the weekend.

EveryDay:

Weight Watchers  

Exercise

10 cups of Water

Dishes

B12

Hebrew Word of the Day -  עֲיֵפָה (adj., f. sing.)

                         tired....

[biblioboard]

Biblio Spotlight: BiblioTech’s Public Transit Strategy

Earlier this month, BiblioTech, the all-digital library in Bexar County, Texas, joined over a dozen other libraries in a launch of Geolocation authentication technology.

Having beta-tested Geolocation over the past year, BiblioTech is finding new ways to make it even easier for citizens of the Greater San Antonio area to access the library’s digital content. In practical terms, Geolocation authentication allows for libraries to promote a URL to anyone in their service area that he/she can plugin to his or her smartphone, tablet or laptop and immediately start reading.

This simple link sharing creates opportunities to partner up with public entities, like public transit.

Two custom URLs are now being advertised on San Antonio’s public bus service, VIA: one targeted to adult readers, the other to younger readers.

“Our objective was a simple one,” said BiblioTech Executive Director, Laura Cole, “We wanted to meet the library patron in their everyday activities – because we can. A critical element of our mission is to promote reading as recreation and the regular, or even occasional bus ride presents us with an opportunity to enhance your day. VIA’s Wi-Fi service allows us to do that...The patron can enjoy reading immediately.”  

BiblioTech is also teaming up with VIA for their annual Poetry on the Move contest which takes submissions from local writers; the winning poems are “brought to life” inside VIA buses a la companion artwork from local art organizations. This year, a geolocated URL will be created and promoted on VIA buses so passengers can ��drop into” a collection of the poems as well as other multimedia components that pair with them, such as video of live poetry readings.

After just one year of beta testing, and now an official launch from libraries across North America, Geolocation authentication is already displaying impressive numbers on how smart technology is increasing community engagement. At the time of this blog post, over two dozen libraries have chosen to opt into Geolocation authentication.

Learn more by watching this quick highlight reel from a recent webinar or contact us directly at libraryrelations@bibliolabs.com

[theofficialbibliodotcom]

Patricia Highsmith’s first and best-known novel, Strangers on a Train involves two strangers who meet on a train and casually talk of trading murders. Highsmith is regarded as one of the best noir authors for her ability to tap into the unsettling forces that lie just beneath the veneer of everyday life. ⁠ ⁠ Published in 1950, the first US edition has a dark and brooding dust jacket design by Irv Docktor. The pictured copy is listed on Biblio by @Burnsiderarebooks.⁠ ⁠ https://biblio.co.uk/book/strangers-train-highsmith-patricia/d/1129448881

[biblioeveryday]

A Second Chance for Popular YA Books (now that I've grown up)

A Second Chance for Popular YA Books (now that I’ve grown up)

Most people re-read favourites. But I like to re-read books I didn’t like.

I re-read The Fault In Our Stars and Cinder which I used to dislike and now I rave about them.

I read most of these YA books in 2014. Since then I have completed my degrees, fell in love, met people from all walks of life, and wrote essays on controversial international affairs and on how human brains work.

May…

[authorcecegirard-blog]

Hello biblio beauties💜📖 * Thank you for 6.9k followers 😍❤️ * I’m super tired this morning! I have a math test, a meeting and then another class until 6 😴 Wish me luck 🤣 * I gave my two weeks notice at my job this week. I worked at a radio station for the past 3 years and it’s time to move on to bigger and better things! Plus the hours and pay aren’t great 😅 * Buy my book, Unspoken Agreement by clicking the link in my bio! 📖❤️ * Today’s shoutouts go to: @stranger_fate and @tays.paperworld ❤️ Follow these beautiful accounts! * QOTD- What did you ask Santa for Christmas? 😂 I love getting books and clothes because I generally use both everyday 😉🙃 * Yours truly, BiblioBeautyBooks 📖❤ 🌸 #bookstagram #book #bookishfeatures #currentlyreading #books #bookshelf #writingprompts #reading #bibliophile #amwriting #amreading #bookworm #bookreviews #photography #bookphotography #bookies #spring #sunny #weather #nature #socks #instabook #bookhoarder #jamestrevinorepost #bookblogger #instabook #bibliobeauty #bibliobeauty #bibliobeautybooks (at Windsor, Ontario)

[hestia-the-bestia-blog]

The brand new Color Kindle That Will Rock and roll Your Globe!

Why learn Structured Query Language (SQL)? One Simple reason: it's arguably the most widely used data manipulation language. Database Administrators and Application Developers use it daily for storing and retrieving data. Even non-technical staff may use it for reporting and analysis. Anyone with access to databases or reporting tools will find knowledge of SQL essential. Plus, working knowledge of SQL looks good on a resume.

The next step is to get some content onto your pages. This is often in the form of content articles, blog posts, information feeds, product reviews. as long as the information suits your product. Most of the web hosting businesses offer themes or internet creation tools, or you can build your own webpages with HTML editors such as Frontpage or Dreamweaver. There are even some totally free HTML editors available - NVU by way of example. You can now begin to promote your product by placing affiliate links into your site. The additional preferred methods for getting a full picture for review are using the reviews of normal everyday people and what We call diary format testimonials. With the George St . Pierre RushFit Dvd disks, the Amazon . com reviews were very helpful because many of them were from people who had no recent track record of staying in shape. This is the key market that I wanted to speak to. There are many different sites on the Internet where you ought to sell utilized books along with media. Amazon . com is the greatest but there are other people like: ABE, Alibris, Biblio and a number of others. Sellers who begin with on half frequently find yourself selling on some these other sites at the same time. You need to consider how often you'll use your machine, it can size, particularly if you are a home entertainer, and most importantly, your budget. There are a lot of things to consider aren't there? Again, the question has to be asked. how serious are you about your coffee? Static websites on the other hand don�t have the content up-to-date as much as a blog does. This is one more reason to promote your website with a blog because your blog will be ranked higher in some cases on the search engine than your website. One other great tip is to get started. You can read about building your online business. But until you actually do some thing you are just on the sidelines watching others play the game.

[easntoro]

JUNGLE TRIBAL TROPICS 4/8 Poem from Unwritten Letters To You by T.B. LaBerge. This book has a set up with 4 different parts: the first is To The One I Long For, second To The One I Lost, third To The One I Love, and fourth To The One Who Loves. Each poem written specifically to the certain "ones". SWIPE LEFT to check out my outfit of the day. I know you're thinking, "What the heck does jungle tribal tropics have to do with this outfit?" Well, it's got absolutely nothing to do with it or the poem. Today is my aunts bridal shower so I really did not want to dress up jungle-y, tribal-, or tropic-y. I love the idea of dressing up a pair of comfortable boyfriend jeans. These were bought at H&M. Along with this sweater about 2 years ago. It's actually a sweater dress that I chopped up to make a high-low sweater. I did this because it's been sitting in my closet for a year, I got my use out of it as a dress, now it's time to get my use out of it as a shirt! Shoes are from Burlington Coat Factory. I was searching everywhere for a nice pair of everyday black pumps and when I saw the heels on these bad boys I had to have them! My cross body is from my boyfriend (thanks, babe) for my birthday and my necklace is from a local flea market! #fashion #fashionista #fashionblogger #fashionblog #fashionable #whatiwore #fashionandbooks #book #books #booksofinstagram #bookstagram #bookstagrammer #instabook #instareads #igreads #epicreads #booklife #biblio #bibliophile #thefictionista

[mattsivan]

Journal Week 18 (03/18-22/19)

03/18/19 (Monday)

Nag-trike ako kasi late na naman ako, zzz. Nagpasa ako ng mga letters sa ReWri, and wala naman nang ginawa. Sa DRRR, wala si Ma’am. Sa BaCal, diniscuss yung mga questions sa Periodical Exam and na-disappoint si Ma’am kasi mababa scores namin ang kaya naman sagutan nang maayos yung exam yet ‘di namin nagawa :< Sa GenChem, 32 score ko sa Perio and naging 38 due to corrections and such, yay! Sa PracRes, late pumasok si Ma’am and wala rin namang ginawa. Sa PagPag & PerDev, walang ganap kaya naghintay na lang ako mag 3pm para manood ng cheerdance.

Nung mga time na malapit nang mag-uwian, lumapit sa akin si Cot and he is saddd and not in the usual mood that he’s in. I tried comforting him and making him smile, nag-tanong eme siya about sa mga ‘di common na ginagamit na elements and nag-guessing game kami kung ano yung name ng element based sa symbols, lmao. He smiled naman and I was happy that he did. Nag-aya ako na manod kami cheerdance and gumala bukas, but he has other plans and gusto niyang umuwi. May nangyaring something kaya nanood na lang rin siya ng cheerdance.

Grabe, ang ganda ng mga performances ng G10! Ang hirap mag-decide. Ang linis and ang hirap ng mga stunts ng Fara, I liked the music and the performance ng Einstein. Sa Ruther, ‘di ako nakapanood nang maayos due to reasons HAHAHAH. Kaya nagulat ako na sila nanalo. After ng event, I greeted G10 pips/friends ng congrats, including my crushie  hehe. Mayroong mga G9 pips na naka-abang sa labas para maka-congrats which I find very weird. Tapos nung dumaan crushie ko sa kanila, nag-congrats si koya mo sa kanya HAHAHAH.

Nakita ko na mga girl friends ko and sumama ako sa kanila to eat. We talked about the issues nangyari sa cheerdance completion, other issues lyk problematic people, and mga requirements na kailangan nilang tapusin. Na-stress ako sa kanila!

Pagkauwi ko,  gumawa ako nang sandal ng biblio and did random things. Chatted people. Nainis talaga ako sa mga scratches sa calcu ko, gRRRrrR. Vlad kasi eh, choz. I wasn’t able to comfort my bestfriend, but na-comfort ko naman si Cot. Be the real you. Let out your emotions. Stay strong and positive.

03/19/19 (Tuesday)

Sa Del Mundo room namin coz may G12 defense. Break time na ako dumating. May emeng ganap about sa seating arrangement, ang petty ko. Kung ano-anong negative things naisip ko, pero sanay naman na ako na isipin yun.

Sa BaCal, ni-retake namin yung Perio Exam para malaman kung sino magre-remedial mamaya. Late dumating si Cot, hahaha. Sa PagPag, nag-proofread eme kami ng research proposals ng ibang group. Sa Stats, chineck namin yung retake kaninang BaCal and I’m glad na hindi na ako magre-remedial.

Tamang tambay lang ako sa Campos nung lunch time.

Sa PerDev, wala si Ma’am. Sa GenChem, gumawa kami ng essay about sa natutunan namin sa Chem this semester. Sa DRRR, wala si Ma’am. Kaya I watched YT vids and such.

Earlier this day, nag-aya si Toni na manonood daw ng films, pero hindi natuloy. Si Cot naman may ganap with Sjienlee. May plan B ako pero ‘di ko tinuloy kaya umuwi na lang ako.

Nakatulog ako nung pagkauwi ko. Dinikit ko na yung journal entries ko sa notebook. And may mga nabasa akong problematic shiz. Basta ang masasabi ko lang is ‘wag nang mag-blame ng mga tao kung ‘di naman nila alam kung ano yung mangyayari.

03/20/19 (Wednesday)

Halos break time na ako ulit nakapasok. Wala naman yatang ganap nung PerDev. Sa Stats, sinabi na rin ni Ma’am score namin sa BaCal, naka-32 ako wiieee. Medj satisfied naman ako sa score ko na ‘yun. Tapos nagpa-SW si Ma’am about dun sa area eme using integrals. Sa PracRes, pumunta si Ma’am and nagpa-ano siya dun sa mga may kulang pang quizzes and such. Nung ReWri, nag-usap usap eme kami nina Buh and Ate Catt about movies, games, movie clips, etc. HAHAHAH. Tapos kinuha ko yung board game namin and naglaro kami ni Ate Catt, Allyka, and Aldouz. Umalis din si Aldouz kasi may volleyball game sa taas. Si Allyka nanalo, gRrrRr!! Sayang kasi alam ko na yung laman ng envelope pero naunahan niya akong manghula, zzz. Good game, tho!! Tapos nun, umakyat kami to watch Banzon vs. Campos volleyball game. It was fun. Nandun siya, hahahah. Tapos bumaba kami to check our Perio, naka 38 ako! Nag-frequency din kami. After nun, balik ulit sa taas. Banzon vs. Sylianco naman. Nanood din siya, huhu. I was listening to Billie Eilish songs kasi I was sad and in a mood.

Nung uwian tamang usap lang with Sjienlee, Allyka, Adrianne, Erika, Wesley, JP, and Cot. Tamang cell group and kainan lang din. Yayayain dapat si ano mag-cell group pero kasama ako, sabi ko “I’m a bad idea.” Yikes. Puro coincidence na nagkakasalubong kami today!! Naiiyak ako, omg, huhu.

Sa cell group, kasama ako, Cot, Sher, Lau, Cherks, and Kuya David. Shinare sa amin yung about sa seeds na nag-spread sa iba’t ibang klaseng soil or land. Basta may three types. And I think nasa rocky type ako, kasi kahit na natutunan ko yung mga lessons and such, minsan na-uunlearn ko yung mga lessons na yun and kailangan kong i-relearn ulit. Sinabi ko sa kanila may mga bagay na ‘di ko sure kung mali ba or tama yung ginagawa ko, ganun. Pero everyday naman I’m trying to develop myself :))

Pagkatapos ng cell group, balik kami ni Cot sa Banzon. Tapos sakto, nakita ko ulit siya!! ugGHHH! Tapos tamang usapan lang ulit with the girl friends. Nakapag-nap yata ako? Idk. Tapos umuwi na rin sila.

Nag-hintay ako ng mga friends ko sa G10 and nakausap ko sila! <33 Si Vlad niyaya kong manood pero busy siya. Tapos nung pauwi na, nag-reply yung bestfriend ko sabi niya nagrereview pa rin siya. Kaya I headed home na lang and kasabay ko si Vlad sa jeep.

Nalungkot ako this day kasi ang daming pumapasok sa isip ko. Like, yeah I have this close friend pero parang ako yung habol nang habol sa kanya. Ugh, I know, ito na naman ako. I should accept na things wouldn’t always go the way that I wanted. Maybe, I’m not the approachable and needed unlike others. I also got sad kasi I saw the tweet of ano and ‘di ko alam kung miss niya ba ako or talagang malungkot siya. Nag-stalk ako sa CC niya and I got sadder. Hayz. Gusto ko siyang makausap. Gusto ko siyang mayakap. Gusto kong maramdaman yung naramdaman ko sa kanya.

03/21/19 (Thursday)

6:45 na ako nakarating, omg. Buti nakasabay ko si Allyka papasok sa school. Pumasok na lang kami kahit nakakahiya. ‘Di kami gumawa nung pinagawa ni Sir, yikes! Sa Stats, wala si Ma’am Rex. Nanood ako ng mg YT vids and natulog lang ako, puro patugtog eme pagkagising ko. Tamang nood lang volleyball, nandun si ano, huhu.  Nung DRRR, nag-post test. Nung malapit na uwian, tumambay lang kami nina Ate Catt and Toni sa may gym. Tamang papansin lang kay crush, jk. Manonood sila ng MCU, manonood naman ako US. Nung padaan ako sa kabilang room, nakita ko siya at nagkatinginan kami. Bigla na lang ako tumalikod and pumasok sa room. Ugh, sakit pa din. Anw, kumain kami ng Ato’s nina Javi, Sher, at Shane. Nung medj  ready na kaming maglakad sa hallway, dumaan si ano. Tumingin ako sa glass area para makita siya.

Pumunta na akong MOA para makipagkita sa bestfriend ko. Nakita ko sina Bea at Ysa pagbaba ko sa jeep. Sinamahan ko muna si Dept. Store. Nung nakarating na bestfriend ko, umalis na ako sa kanila and pumunta na ako sa kanya. Pumunta kami Macao pero mahaba pila, kaya nag Chatime na lang kami. Medj maasim yung drink niya  HAHAHAH. Tapos bumili kami ‘Lil Orbits. Tamang nood ng bball eme sa gitna. Tapos tamang gala lang sa Toy Kingdom and Toby’s sports kasi tumingin siya ng volleyball ball. Medj malapit na mag 7:15 pm and wala pa si Vlad, nainis na bestfriend ko kasi ‘di nagrereply si Vlad kahit online siya. Kaya bumili na kami ng tix and nanood.

After manooed, OMG, gumulo utak ko sa sobrang ganda ng film!! Like buti na lang nagbigay insights bestfriend ko para lalo pa akong maliwanagan sa mga nangyari. And umuwi na kami afterwards.

03/22/19 (Friday)

Late ulit ako pero medj maaga compare kahapon. Ginawa ko na yung pinagawa kahapon na activity. Nung BaCal, may pinamigay na evaluation kay Ma’am Rex. Humor lang ginawa kong 2 HAHAHAH. After nun, volleyball game na ng Campos vs. Banzon. Nashookt ako nung nagshoot ako ng bball sa ring kasi ang taas ng pagkakabato ko, umabot yata sa G12?? Umay, biglang tumakbo ako kay Ate Catt and nadamay si Shane kasi naurong yata seat ni Ate Catt. Potek, nahihiya na ako After nun, ginawa akong taga-retrieve ng ball ni Ma’am Otazu. Ang pinaka-highlight ng task ko na yun is nung nagbigay ako ng ball kay ano. Like sinadya ba ni Lord na mangyari yun? We started again and ang pagkakaalala ko is masaya siya(ng naglalaro).

Nag-lunch muna ako nung nagsisimula na yung bball game. Tapos umakyat para manood. Yung end of game is 45-50 in favor of Sylianco.

Ang naalala kong pinagagawa ko is tumambay ako sa Campos. Nandun si ano. Minamassage siya ni Joshua. Tapos lumapit ako sa area nila. Nakiapg-usap ako kay Barbosa, kinanta namin yung City of Stars. Nakakamiss parang siya..  Tapos kinausap ko naman si Joshua, minassage ko siya. Tapos kumanta eme ko tapos nakipag-interact ako kay Sherman habang nagpla-play siya ng guitar/piano. Tapos ang sarap ng tulog ni ano. Sana naririnig niya ako. Anw, nagstart na silang mag-warm up tapos ako nakanta sa mga pinapatugtog ni Marja. Gusto ko siyang sabihan ng goodluckpero siyempre ang off nun. Kaya umakyat ni Ate Catt sa taas para manood ng game pero grabe ang tagal bago magsimula. Bumaba si ano. And bumaba rin ako nung magsisimula na yung game kasi pinatawag sa akin ni Laird si ano. Tinawag ko siya sa may Sylianco and may ni-reply siya nung sinabi kong magsisimula na yung game. Ugh, lyf nga naman :c  Then, bumalik na ako sa Banzon at nakipag-usap ako kina Ate Catt at Buh. Sabay kami ni Ate Catt umalis and sinamahan niya ako sa Ato’s.

Pagkarating ko sa bestfriend ko, nagpPS4 siya. Naglaro siya ng RE7 and RE2. Tapos tamang nood lang ng YT. Sumakit likod ko, umay. Tapos pumunta na kami sa kwarto and natulog lang yata ako, hayz. Pagkagising ko tamang pagre-ready lang para makauwi. Muntikan nang mawala ulit earphones ko, hayz. Nothing much happened pero oks lang. Tamang usap lang volleyball pagkahatid niya sa akin sa sakayan.

And may mga ginawa akong katangahan, hakhak. Pero nagtataka ako kasi parang ‘di siya aware na ako yun.

[galaxyrunaway]

04/01/2019                                                                                                    4/100

Had a horrible day - did my shopping and cooking but nothing else. And went to dinner since I didn’t want to cancel last minute.

I gain weight in my weekly weight in (was today) and that pretty much throw me in to a very bad place....but the change for today (and for this year) is sticking to the program - since I really want to get to my weight goal. 

Done Today:

Personal Work Email

H’s chapter biblio + fn (3H)

Work on my presentation for next week + Looking for Biblio for another paper (Genesis 23, 25-28:1-9, 35, 49). (3H)

Cooking for next week (3H)

Cleaning the apt.

Finish reading Acts

Tomorrow:

all of the about.... AND setting up my planner for next week.

EveryDay:

Weight Watchers

Exercise

10 cups of Water

Dishes

B12

Hebrew Word of the Day - מְאֻכְזֶבֶת [מאוכזבת] (adj. f. sing.)

                                disappointed

[understandingvisuality]

Slides from my presentation. I wanted to represent my visual understanding of Steyerl’s essay In Defence of the Poor Image. The transcript/notes is as follows:  I’m going to be presenting Hito Steyerl’s essay, ‘In Defense of the Poor Image’, published on e-flux in 2009.  Who is Hito Steyerl? Born in 1966 in Munich, Hito Steyerl is an artist working with research and narrative driven filmmaking, installation works (image 2), and writer of prominent art essay texts/critiques. Steyerl also lectures New Media Art at University of the Arts, Berlin. (image 3) Last year, Steyerl became the first female to take number one position in ArtReview’s Power 100 list. Steyerl is a female artist with major influence who centers her work towards politics of computers and hypermodern technology in society, which brings us to ‘In Defense of the Poor Image’. (image 4) This is a still of television glitches from Shutterstock, representing a poor image at its most basic form. Published in online media, ‘In Defense’ is a commentary on the idolisation and use of images, which has arisen in the 21st century. Its critique is highly relevant as we view our online consumption in new perspectives.Steyerl leads the essay with an extended description of the term ‘poor image’. (image 5) A poor image is “a ghost of an image… distributed for free… compressed, reproduced, ripped, remixed, as well as copied and pasted”. Such as one of Thomas Ruffs jpeg series, where he deliberately is ruining already poor imagery. These images circulate and populate our visual experiences onlines, puncturing the sublime Instagram experience and festering in any Google Image search. Steyerl places them rock-bottom in the “class society of appearances, ranked and valued according to its resolution.” Post its introduction, ‘In Defense of the Poor Image’ breaks into 6 chapters, categorising poor images, their functions, applications, and societal impacts and reasonings for their existence. The first chapter, “Low Resolutions”, offers that images which are in focus, perfectly sharp and legible, are superior to those fuzzy and incomprehensible. Steyerl draws links from the ideal of the cinematic view - (image 6) utter perfection, “more mimetic and magic, more scary and seductive” than an experience of poor images. (This hyperreal Avengers poster is a representation of the cinematic view which dominated over poor images.) The following chapter, “Resurrection (as Poor Images)”, discusses the commercialisation of quality imagery and the subsequent exclusion of poor images. This exclusion applied to images that were “deemed too marginal to be broadcast on television”. In conjunction with experimental films and video essays, which were solely seen in special broadcastings at metropolitan film clubs, these images slipped away after a single screening, buried in a world of lesser than standard work. Steyerl then places reasons for a birth of “culture as a commodity”; the consumption of media was being impacted by monopolies and monetary drive towards the cinema, including control over “audiovisual in certain countries or territories.” (image 7) As a result - excluded imagery and its makers began to find various publicly accessible channels to position themselves on, even where they may not be curated or relevant to their intention. Sarah Jane Parton’s work can be seen on the online NZ archive Circuit - where it would have been otherwise unavailable for public consumption. Restriction of viewing has resulted in ‘leaked footage’, illegal recordings, and ‘rips’ of certain media, placing avant-garde and non-commercial cinema in the public sphere of the Internet - circulating now as poor images. Steyerl moves to “Privatization and Privacy”. She attests that poor images are being enabled to circulate with a larger frequency due to the “neoliberal restructuring of media production” and the demand for free, easily accessible media that is otherwise restricted by certain state laws and online rights. Disorganized privatisation, attributable to regional turmoil, leads to copies of precious materials being leaked, and transitioning through the world now as poor images. (image/video 9) Because “production of culture was considered a task of the state” but has since been vacuumed into a trillion dollar enterprise, poor images encourage piracy and media thievery. It’s too expensive for the average consumer to consider heading to the movies - why not pirate instead, in the comfort of your own home? Chapter #4, “Imperfect Cinema”. Steyerl begins this chapter by referencing a 1960s manifesto by Julio García Espinosa, For an Imperfect Cinema. She paraphrases that an ‘imperfect cinema’ “merges art with life and science, blurring the distinction between consumer and producer, audience and author.” Thus, an image or moving image that offers an alternative to the idealized ‘perfect image’, offers “an art of the people”. In regards to its visuality, it shares likeness with the poor image - often hurried, blurry, made by a dilettante or admirer of the arts. (image 10 neistat) While this opportunity is certainly appreciated and operated within, by being part of the world of poor images it opens itself up to a multitude of negative operations - “hate speech, spam, and other rubbish make their way through digital connections”. Steyerl iterates further by claiming that poor images are therefore the most desired images, on trend, fashionable, and enjoyed. (This is an image from Casey Neistats vlog protesting inhibited bike lanes in NYC) If we are to look at poor images as a whole, they make up a representation of the condition of the population who consumes them - and they certainly are being consumed through editing, remixing, reformatting, and simply spreading them into virality. We move to chapter #5, “Comrade, what is your visual bond today?”. (image/video 111) Unquestionably there is strong visual and cultural bonding in online consumption; the colloquial term for it is a “meme”, a poor image circulated which “reconnects dispersed worldwide audiences.” Steyerl positions meme culture as an opening for cross-cultural debate, utilizing globalisation and the power of the internet. (This video shot to worldwide memedom from 2007 when it was used in place of intended images or videos, pranking the receiver, garnering the term being “Rick-rolled”) Steyerl references “visual bonds”, a term from Soviet film director Dziga Vertov. Vertov imagined that popular imagery could create a type of community which could “not only inform or entertain, but also organize its viewers.” (image 12) We can recognize this statement when applied to multitudes of social media and its events, gatherings and so-called ‘organisations’ for a subculture of visual bonds AKA memes (These are real life events organised on Facebook where people can share interests together) (image 13) In her concluding section, “Now!”, Steyerl finalizes the text with ambiguous comments regarding the life of poor images. Poor images can easily be seen as an everyday encounter in the world of online consumption. They extend beyond our Internet interactions, reaching into personal relationships, resurfacing for that birthday post to your friends. Steyerl positions them as an important creation within a world filled with images, stating that the poor image is “about defiance and appropriation just as it is about conformism and exploitation. In short: it is about reality”. Biblio https://rcpp.lensbased.net/meta/http://www.e-flux.com/program/65176/hito-steyerl/Images(2)https://www.artforum.com/video/hito-steyerl-how-not-to-be-seen-a-fucking-didactic-educational-mov-file-2013-51651(3) http://artviewer.org/hito-steyerl-at-kunsthal-charlottenborg/(4)https://www.shutterstock.com/video/clip-22028014-stock-footage-interference-glitches-poor-quality-reception-of-digital-channels-on-the-lcd-display.html?src=rel/8910844:8/gg(5) https://www.metalocus.es/en/news/thomas-ruff-mars(6) http://www.4usky.com/movie-wallpapers.html(7) https://www.circuit.org.nz/film/slowdance-92(8)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pS_Z2kSFadU (10)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzE-IMaegzQ (11)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ (12)https://www.facebook.com/events/763691600489706/ https://www.facebook.com/events/1627065397343772/?active_tab=about https://www.facebook.com/events/398897497228159/(13) http://www.kesselskramer.com/exhibitions/24-hrs-of-photos

[girlreadinginpublicspaces]

The reader and the city

Dear Diary,

The park sprawls out in front of me; I am on a hill, the sprawling lawns spread out before me. The grass washes over the land like a lurid green sea. There are bushes besides me, I can see through their leaves, the branches like bones of some mythological creature. There are a few couples around me, a mustacheod man and a burkha clad woman whisper behind me. I think they are lovers, their voices grow softly into the air as though they are part of the land, of this myth, their shadows are on the ground, framed by the stamped tracery of leaves.

It is too hot, the sun is bearing down on us but I am here. I am here on the grass reading Proust. I have walked through the streets, ambling through the cityscape and trying not to think of a purpose. I walked off from my bus stop, hauling my bag, and through the March afternoon. I walked through it, the city, past rickshaws, past houses made of stone and glass, past men rushing to the call for prayer. I saw it all, the city and its everyday secrets, its muddy puddles, rusted-up railings, fruit carts, almond carts, beat-up old Mehrans, shiny silver Toyotas, pictures and verses on the back of a truck, a little boy’s yoyo, a curse word in the air, sprigs of coriander in a woman’s fist, blue and red flowers on a duppatta (scarf),  parks passing by,  the sky azure, rivulets of sunlight falling into my vision and a red bit of jump rope like a crimson arc in the sky.

And here I am, I have ended up here and I am reading Proust. This project began with him I suppose, him and Baudelaire and Hemingway and Georges Perec. All flaneurs who wandered through paris, as loiterers, discovering the city’s pleasures and secrets, winding down the path to its hidden histories.

A flaneur I should explain is a wanderer, or loiterer, of the city. The figure appeared in the western literary tradition in the last century in texts related to Paris, that bastion of intellectuals and artists for the lost generation.  The flaneur figure in literary texts and literary history is pre-dominantly male, the bourgeois white male because of the long histories of systemic oppressions that have granted them this privilege.  He purveys the cityscapes, he transgresses the order of the modern city by living through the minutest details of the city, giving it life through his notes and sketches as that creature with limbs and memories and voices that can never be contained through the removed gaze of the modern state. He looks for adventure, for the esthetic or the erotic according to Edmund White who wrote “The Flaneur: A Stroll through the Paradoxes of Paris (Writer and the City).”

A culture trip article explains it well: “It was in Paris that the figure of the flâneur was created, the prototypical modern individual who wanders the labyrinthine urban sprawl, navigating through the morass of human existence. This figure first appeared in the scandalous poetry of Baudelaire, who found in Paris both a muse and a means for depravity”

They made the city their muse, these men, and transgressed social boundaries through delving into the erotic, into the profane. They found pleasure in the cityscape, and beauty, and freedom. As Georges Perec had it they practiced flânerie to gather the city in its beauty, to trace the existence of the infra-ordinary. They did this because they had the privilege to do so as male, bourgeois white Europeans.

Lauren Elkin traced a literary history of the feminine in the tradition of the flânerie. From her book, I found it, the word flaneuse, the feminin noun of the French verb flâner. It is an act, it comes from a verb so it is to describe those who act, those who actively wander and engage with the city. My gendered existence and mental illness has led to a life marked by passivity, by an immobility I cannot shake. The word’s history is one of masculine privilege and leisure. Elkin expanded the word and its dimensions and brought women into the picture. But they were still white, still European. I have started this project to do as they did, to memorize the city with my damned feet. I want to make my city, Karachi, my own muse, to bind myself to its streets, to traces its bones hidden under concrete like some fossil scientists never found. I want to harness it winds. To have them carry me above it all, and watch as the skyscrapers shrink, watch as the air tells me its memories.  

I have begun this task of mapping the city through an emotional and gendered cartography because I want to use engagement with the city, claims to space and transgression of norms to be able to find room to breathe. To gain mobility and to heal from the mental health issues I have had so far. I have been using biblio-therapy and diary-writing as a means to occupy myself and to articulate pain for the past year. The flaneurs employed the practice of reverie to wonder at spaces and their histories, my diary more often than not explore the emotional scapes and literature I engage with, because there is more than one kind of space to be mapped.  And I am reading, I am reading because it is only “through art alone are we able to emerge from ourselves, to know what another person sees of a universe which is not the same as our own and of which, without art, the landscapes would remain as unknown to us as those that may exist on the moon. Thanks to art, instead of seeing one world only, our own, we see that world multiply itself and we have at our disposal as many worlds as there are original artists, worlds more different one from the other than those which revolve in infinite space, worlds which, centuries after the extinction of the fire from which their light first emanated, whether it is called Rembrandt or Vermeer, send us still each one its special radiance.” (Proust, Time Regained)

Today, this is just happening in a public park, in a public space and this is significant because I have been relegated to the private realm for so many reasons. As an upper-class woman in a South Asian context I am continually warned of the dangers of traversing the urban-scapes where the threat of the lower-class male exists. I am embedded into a politics of respectability wherein I cannot walk out alone, ever. And that is why I haven’t told my mother I have come here. She doesn’t know this, she doesn’t know about the journey here, and she will never know though I wish I could tell her. I am meant to always wait at the bus stop, to get in the waiting car and come home, go from one private bubble to another. And I know what privilege this signifies, I know it but I still find it suffocating.

I guess that’s what I am trying to do: breathe.

And I am reading, reading Proust at that and as I run my fingers across the pages, I cannot believe it because for three years reading has been so hard to do. Depression is an awful thing, I think of how it paralyzed me, how I would lie rigid in bed for hours on end because I couldn’t find the strength to move, and another form of immobility I suppose. Mentally ill people cannot traverse the cityscape as well, though I suppose Proust did and here is the proof: Time Regained. It’s such a beautiful (book) on memory, and I am reading it I suppose to articulate, to name my own struggles. As he says “Every reader, as he reads, is actually the reader of himself.”

I think of this and then I think of the days where I’d lie in my bed, my room dark, the windows curtained off, as if the sun and the world that spun around it had turned its back to me. I remember not knowing how long I had stared at the walls, traced the curving backs of the seahorses that are spread across the moldings on my ceiling. I remember closing my eyes, and imaging complete darkness, I remembered the absence of time.

I hear a laugh behind me. The woman has taken off her scarf and is eating crisps. They’re both content, they lay across the grass and it has molded itself to their frames, its as if they were born from it. I hear laugh again and it’s high-pitched, the wind carries it and it rolls down the hill. The shadows have lengthened; the trees sway to the left, time has worn on.

And then I wonder if that is my goal: to unfreeze time, to mobilize myself through time and space. Proust says that paying attention to the universe moved along by time immobilizes it instead. And I suppose that is what is happening here, this is a vignette of a Karachi afternoon. This time will be frozen here forever, across these pages.

-H.