#Bible humor

[hycinthrt]

[tomicscomics]

08/02/2024

The materialist vs. religious zitgeist.

___

JOKE-OGRAPHY: 1. In this Bible story, Jesus multiplies a little bread and fish to feed a huge crowd. When the crowd continues following Him, Jesus notices that they aren't following because they think His miracles confirm that He was sent by God. Instead, they're just following Him because His most recent miracle made them some tasty food. They're only in it for the material benefits of the miracles, not the message behind them. 2. In this cartoon, a man declares that he's going to become a follower of Jesus, and only for the purest intentions, though it's pretty clear that he's a little more interested in the wine, food, water-walking, and healthcare options that following the Miracle-Man with a Plan would offer. 3. As we all know from oral tradition, when Jesus is asked to heal the man's weird toe zit, He does so. However instead of the zit disappearing, the man horrifyingly shrivels into nothing, screaming wretchedly the whole time. Only his zit remains in the end. It just goes to show that you never know where your soul is in your body at any given time. At that moment, the man's soul happened to be coursing through his zit, so by heavenly technicality, HE was the growth to be eradicated.

[i-am-trans-gwender]

Adam and Eve: Where did Abel go?

Cain:

[dearlittlefandom-stalker]

Me, ranting/venting to God: I just don't see how they can be Christian and do/say/believe that! It's not Christ-like behavior!

God: Do you always exhibit Christ-like behavior?

Me: ...

Me: ...no

God: Are you still My daughter?

Me: ...yes

Me: *stews/pouts about it some more*

Me: It's still frustrating, though!

Me: *thinks about how God must feel*

Me: We don't make this easy for You, do we?

[user-needs-a-username]

Solomon's Wisdom

If neither of them were really the baby's mother:

Solomon: This didn't turn out the way I was expecting...

[georgedontdothat]

the gasp i guspt

[chicoinematt7]

Catholic Meme Monday— Issue 159

Hope you had a blessed Sunday! 🙏 Time for another Catholic Meme Monday. 🎵🎶🎻🙏 Actually it was Esau because he was still mad at losing his porridge. 🙂😅 Saint Michael pray for us! 🛡️🙏 Amen! 🙏 The OG Rickroll. 😅🙂🙏 Happy Early Feast of Saint John Henry Newman. 🙏 🙏🙏🙏 😅😅😅 Wayyyy too accurate. 🙂😅🙏 One of my favorite visuals on intercessory prayer. 🙏🙏🙏 Meme I made for the feast of Saint…

[kittieshauntedourfantasy]

On the first day god said "let there be cat"

[sassyfever]

Christians are the ultimate "my fav did nothing wrong" typa fan tbh

[multifan113]

Dad Jokes

Jesus: I'm the son of God

Pharisees: No way!

Jesus: Yahweh

[olfactoryventriloquism]

Me, placating my mom: sure the bible still has lessons to today’s society

The lesson:

[bubblegumbarbie33]

Listen I know that Lilith isn't canon to the bible but like. It's so funny to imagine a bunch of old religious scholars being up in arms over the simple fact that a woman didn't like being told what to do. Like. "I just don't want to listen to this random guy that God says is my husband-" "WITCH. SHE-DEMON. WHORESS. MONSTER. MOTHER OF ALL DEMONS."

Like imagine your family disowning you because you broke up with your boyfriend and decades later people are still beefing about it

[tomicscomics]

03/24/2023

Silly Rabbi!

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JOKE-OGRAPHY: My favorite part of this one is that I've added/paraphrased almost nothing here.  In the Bible story, Jesus is told that His good friend Lazarus has died, so He plans to go bring him back from the dead (or "awaken him").  He tells the disciples that Lazarus has "fallen asleep", but the disciples take that literally and try to comfort Jesus by saying Lazarus will awaken on his own.  Jesus reiterates very clearly that by "fallen asleep", He means Lazarus died.  Thomas is reluctant to let Jesus go to Judea, because last time they were there, apparently Jesus riled up the Jews with His "Son of God" wallamaguckery, but Jesus doesn't let a silly little thing like angry people plotting to arrest and murder Him get in the way of an unslumber party with His best pal!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Before the mantle of the earth was cooled, before the sea was sealed in its basin, before the sky was locked in place above the clouds, and before the first "Tomic" was officially published, a cartoon was drawn.  Now, it is reborn.  This is not technically a "Tomics Resurrection", because the original did not bear the "Tomics" name.  No, this was after the era of sand and scholars but before the era of blood and time, and now, it's our very first "Proto-Tomic Resurrection".  I've taken a random digital Jesus comic that I drew for my own amusement before my Tomics days and made it part of the official Tomics family.  Here's the original for reference.  You'll note a drastic change in character design, background art, and handwriting, and hopefully you'll agree I've improved, or else we're going to have some major problems:

[tinypocketcats]

Doesn’t Ezekiel realize this thing could annihilate his smart ass?  @luximus

I want more shit like this

[dearlittlefandom-stalker]

Simon Peter from the Bible is my spirit animal

[holy-bois-official]

Mmm.