#Besides that? It is hard to separate any character morally speaking

[eloquentsisyphianturmoil]

POV your girlfriend puts the devil to sleep and you opt to steal his treasure instead of killing him.

My dad casually says ‘[Beren] could’ve killed [morgoth].’

Yes, Beren wasn’t considering this possibility. But: why not? I will not call Beren self-serving. But he clearly was not serving the war effort.

Very few of Tolkien’s characters are proactively good, and very few are proactively evil.

One cannot seperate morally passive characters.

[threepoint14art]

I'm gonna word vomit about the nightmares because GOD I'm listening to great escape on loop and i feel like I'm going insane so yeah if you wanna read that im gonna put it under the cut because its probably gonna be LONG TLDR: I love them and they make my head hurt

We know the nightmares are not good people, like at all. The very first instance we see them is in the episode literally titled "BONNIES NIGHTMARE" and yeah, they sure are his nightmare.

They harass him for money as a "tradition", Bonnie doesn't have any, they try and take his guitar, until there they’re pretty standard random assholes, then meg says "they know where you live" when Bon tries to intervene and refers to them as a complete group, "the *nightmares* know where you live" and then the stakes become weirder. Because aside from just very visibly being horrible people, they already have a reputation of being actually dangerous besides just mugging, they know where people live. You can argue they know where Meg, Fox and Spring live based on past history with all of them, and they could know where Bonnie lives based on how they harass him and all of that; but for them to know where Bon lives? someone who they appear to have literally no biases against and who is, up to that point, just completely unrelated to any of what's happening? It’s weird

You could say it's because he's friends with Meg, but I sort of doubt Bon would bring anyone over with how his dad is, so we are back at "why the actual hell would they know that" If they are mindless thugs it’s a bit weird that they would keep track of specifics like that. And I like to think that that’s the point. They make it a point to know sensitive information about people so that they are less inclined to go against them, just like Meg was. 

Then Fox appears and they seem really put off by it. The series tries really hard to sell that Fox is angry, violent and just a hot head. Which I don't really agree with? as in rewatches I've found myself going "yeah that's a valid reason to be angry" but whatever, going off the series alone and what they intend with each character, Fox is someone who is sort of dangerous, guy who gets into fights and all of that, they seem sort of familiar with each other too. "this is low even for you guys" and then Deuz calling Fox by his name. 

So they are 1) known 2)violent 3) actively make a show out of it. They scare people by knowing their private information yet they don’t seem to do anything with it at all, they could harass Bonnie closer to his house and not at the literal school entrance full of people but they don’t. They could drag him out to somewhere more hidden to not get bothered, but they don't, it's almost as if they want people to see. It's performative, speaking loud and laughing louder, in direct contrast to Bonnie's quiet voice who tries to leave in the least showy way possible. 

We don't see them go to school, hell we don't even see them in uniform until after camp, so I used to think they were older and that  the entire thing with the nightmares vs spring was sort of "the adult drama" outside of school and its teenagers. Their entire group just felt heavier than the rest of the kids, probably fueled by being antagonists.

The next time we see them it's with the aforementioned Spring, they are graffiting a wall and Spring tells them to not do it and to go do it in the "legal area" the artistic zone made for that. 

This is really interesting to me, mostly because even though spring grew up in a similar situation to them, he carries completely different moral values. It even seems as if he's overcompensating. Spring is a hard worker, he has jobs upon jobs and tries to live honestly, and to see other people get by in the direct opposite way he does, he wants to be as separated as possible, have nothing in common because he is a “good” person and they are “bad” people. 

There is no way that his entire area isn't drowning in graffiti already, because even sub-urban areas have graffiti, both actual art and the standard weird drawings of dicks or random curse words. And while the latter are not exactly great to see, they are also inherently thoughtless. People walk around and go "yeah this would be funny" and do it without thinking twice.

With the way that Onnie and Onyx (I call oxy that) talk about it, what they were about to do wasn't thoughtless, they were literally looking for a nice wall. it seemed like they just wanted to do actual artistic graffiti which is a pastime that seems inherently way less morally evil than just harassing random kids at school. They aren't actively looking for Spring either, they are just there. Spring picks the fight, the police come

They run away from the police, there's a ruckus with the police after (as said by Fox). They didn't actually vandalize anything, hell they didn't even have any paint on them throughout that entire exchange. But they still run? They could have done something before going over there, but in that case it'd be strange that they would be so calm and giddy about it knowing full well someone could come, they don't seem to be carrying anything at all either, robbing school kids may be possible with only your fists but they were just around streets without any knife or anything at night, so i doubt they could mug someone if they tried. 

So why would they run? I think it’s because they are all mostly just show, and that their lives shaped them to be that way. The police are scary not on the basis of "they can imprison me for this wrong thing I did" but on the basis of "the police hates people like us." The police hates the poor, the police hates queer people, it hates anyone who fails to fit in the box of what"an upstanding citizen" should look like. Of course they leave with their theatrics still there, telling Spring to "be grateful they saved you!!!" trying to save face. But it's clear they didn't actually do something to warrant fleeing, and this is supported by Spring also hiding. 

The next episode, "the birth of evil" is where everything crumbles and by crumbles i mean comes together. Spring, Fox and Bonnie go to a talent show and they meet the nightmares there, once again the whole act starts again. An obnoxious laugh, a confident pose, an ensemble of people behind you to be able to have your back. Deuz calls them dogs and the other 2 bark, its a performance. Deuz adresses the group, Onyx talks to Spring, Onnie talks to Bonnie.  

They don’t seem to acknowledge Bonnie in specific as anything important, they don’t blink and demand he gives them the money he still “owes”, they don’t tell him he’s lucky that he’s not alone. They pick a fight with the conglomerate and that's it. 

The way Spring and Fox carry themselves in the exact same situation seems just fundamentally different. They insult back of course, but they are way less vitriolic with it, and they don't accompany it with an air of grandiose superiority or an encore of background laughs or barks to drive their point home. They seem honest with their comeback, they have fun with it. Onyx and Onnie GROWL. 

Deux stands in front of them, he has been doing that this entire time, and the other two behind him growl, genuinely upset or threatened by a comeback that let's be honest. Was not even that good. "You smell that? envy?" and "the rats came out to eat, shame we didn't bring cheese"

But it not being good is sort of the point, it feels less practiced, less rehearsed and less of an act, a stupid comeback that reads more like a 3rd grader fight than anything, compared to the more antagonistic "look at the stray dogs. though this was a talent show not a barking one." "give me paw, have you learned to play dead yet?" Those are way stronger, and yet it seems like they just lose the exchange, immediately get defensive and growl, and look genuinely upset. 

Funny thing is that their insults apply to them more than they apply to those three. Both Onnie and Onyx have been shown constantly barking and growling, to call someone a stray dog implies some level of poorness or a lack of belonging. They put down what may seem wrong with them, and apply it to other people to get a leg up. 

Maggie tells them to drop it, they go and perform what they came here to perform. Deuz says "dont waste your energy, let's prove what real talent is" which can certainly just be read as another insult, as a way to call them talentless, but i chose to interpret it as masking a sore spot. We HAVE talent, even if people say we don't.

And this is the main attraction. Great escape. My love. 

With all we know about them, you would imagine their music would follow through with the image they've been constantly pushing. Rough around the edges, loud, obnoxious, full of self adulation. But it's just... Not that.

Song starts, and it seems like they will follow through. It's strong, it's loud, it's overwhelming and yet awestrucking, the guitar is at the forefront and is going crazy. And then it suddenly becomes soft, not weak or pacifying by any means, but soft nonetheless. 

Deuz’s voice is calm, he’s not screaming and he’s not making himself louder than necessary, the mic is there and it WILL pick what he says up. So he’s just singing, he’s not struggling to be heard. The very first line is “if i wasn’t the one who i thought I was, could you show with conviction who you really are?” It’s weirdly wordy and self introspective for someone who is supposedly just evil, who has presented himself as an unmovable wall, as someone strong, foul mouthed and completely used and comfortable with his way of life. As someone who poses a real danger.

If I wasn't who I thought I was, if I wasn't strong and if I wasn't at the forefront, could you really show who you are? If he wasn’t like this, if he seemed soft or weak, could his group live in peace? Could they be who they want to be? It’s not like they are 100% free to be who they are right now. They too, keep an appearance of being unbothered, strong, but at least they get to live, they get to present themselves how they want and not be scared of someone hurting them because of it, because they ARE the harm, and they have a leader. He’s the pillar, and he has to be who he THINKS he is. He has to be there.

“Will you be able to not fall today without your costume?  your heart breaks just like a fragile glass” The idea of costumes, of keeping an appearance, making “the nightmares” a single intimidating entity that no one can mess with, could they live without it? Chances are not, life is cruel and they seem to know that. It’s a dog eat dog world, and they act as if they are on the top of that food chain.

The song is for all of them, it’s ADDRESSED to them, Deuz uses first person and second person, me and you against whatever is put in our way. And that is what makes the song so special to me, in a show were we see the protagonists in the process of becoming friends the nightmares have been together since forever. And this song is for them, to find hope in hopelessness and to simply state how important all of them are to each other. “and in the distance I can hear that your voice started to call me”.

And we see what has led them down this way of thinking. Not a justification, but an explanation.

We start with Deuz, whose first memory appears to be literally working. Working to sustain himself, working to be able to live better, “I know that I will wake up.” I know that I can get out of here somehow, people are horrible to a literal child trying to live, we see how it lasted a long while too. From the candy selling to when his hands are curled into a fist we can see that he visibly grew up, he kept living in those conditions and he never actually experienced sympathy for it, people laughed, people insulted him, people seemed to be grossed out by the mere idea of a kid who was BORN into poverty, because how dare he try and survive? “I fell into an dark abysm without an end”  

With this it would make sense for him to become cynical, to assume it’s him against the world forever, and that people are inherently evil. But the lyrics are hopeful. “I escaped swiftly and I saved my life, I felt as if i were finally breathing again. Today let’s break the walls at once” Life is cruel, people are cruel, but it gives him a frame of reference of what type of people stay at the top of the chain, to be mean, to be violent, not out of enjoyment but necessity, camouflage to survive and breathe again, make sure people don’t mess with him again. The image of a little kid with scratches throughout all his body looking angrily at the camera

“In a place of the world where light goes away and doesn’t want to come back. Could you be sure that you’ll find it?” He could stay alone, he could dish out the same disdain and disgust that people showed him when he was at his lowest, but despite it all he still has empathy, and despite everything he wants to help, “evil” was born through how he lived, but his true nature is still there. And when he sees someone his age at his lowest, he doesn’t hesitate to help. He doesn’t fall in the idea of “everyone should have it as bad as me, i had it worse, it’s not my problem.” He extends the kindness that he never had, and he helps. Could you really find light when everything seems dark? find hope in what seems hopeless?see a A scared little kid being beat in a closed alleyway, amongst all the trash. Could you be fine with it? Have any hope in such a situation?

“if everything breaks slowly and with pain. Could you pick up the pieces that fall?”  He stops it, he becomes the light that went away, a sense of hope and belonging, he offers a hand that was never offered to him. Onnies expression in this always gets me, he looked scared when he was alone, but once someone stands up for him he doesn’t look glad or happy. He seems shocked, in complete disbelief. Both Onyx and Maggie seem to be relieved when they are saved, but Onnie is just shocked. Why would someone just intervene or care? this was not a one time thing, he already had the bruises before any hit ever connected, he fled into a dead end and expected it to end like that. And it didn’t. Everything was already broken, why would someone pick up the pieces? 

“In the distance I can hear the quake of the world and its end. Today you’ll start from zero. I have to say see you later” I’ve seen some people be confused by this part or even laugh at it. Deuz just appears, punches onyx, and they become friends. But the very first shot is Onyx sitting slumped on the ground as if he had been beat up and was barely conscious. But he wasn’t, he had no injuries at all, the lyric talks about the end of the world, he had given up. We don’t know the circumstances of this, but given how clean his clothes are and how he lacks any injuries, it’s my personal headcanon that he got kicked out. A kid alone in the streets kicked out, he should give up, because what else could he do? how else could he live? A wake up call in the form of a fist, this place is dangerous and not what you are used to. But today you’ll start from zero, you just have to say goodbye to what you had. 

The chorus changes, it’s no longer a dark abyss, but a dark path. In the name of not being at the very bottom he has become something he isn’t, all of them have, their lives shaped them to be rougher, they are like the people who hurt them in the past. This is especially true to Onnie becoming a bully. And the path seems endless, because dropping the fake bravado doesn’t seem like a possibility. The world is cruel to those it perceives as weak, so they can’t show themselves to be. That's why we are shown the three of them looking angry, unbothered, the strength their life demanded but at the very least as a group; making themselves bigger, with Deuz at the forefront. 

And we cut to Maggie (who I use he/him for), screaming and trying to get away from someone who is clearly bigger, an adult. From the song “closer” at the camp arc, we can see how that person was enjoying causing distress, a crooked and mocking smile on their face “there will be people who think this is pure hypocrisy” To go from being the kid suffering at the hands of someone stronger, to the one causing said pain onto another kid, all to not be weak and not be a target again. 

The group doesn’t only defend Maggie, fight back against someone bigger than all of them. But Deuz goes out of his way to try and cheer him up, and gives him a sweet to calm down.  “incapable of forgetting the beast that’s hungry yet again” this world, it’s difficulties that feel like sharp teeth mauling at people who have not done any sin but to exist yet, people feed on others being miserable, on feeding on those who seem weaker and their suffering, like beasts. You can’t ignore it, you have to fight back, bare your own teeth.

“Beyond the storm my hand is waiting for you. That sword pierced depression with all it’s strength” After the suffering, after the hardships and the pain, my hand will be there waiting for yours. Together we are stronger, and together we can be happy despite what everyone else can say. “Before just falling like that…” before giving up, before falling, we have each other.

And it’s the chorus again, I fell in a dark abyss, but now what saved his life is not making himself scarier, it’s not the realization of what act he should put on, it’s not his anger freeing him. It’s having his group. And once they break the walls, once they break through their self imposed image, through “the wall” , they can live without fear or grudges. 

Next we see them is at camp, and it seems as if Deuz already started to try to break through said wall, they are actually going to school now, they are at a camp. And when Onyx and Onnie start with the theatrics, when they try to immediately establish themselves as stronger and crueler. He reminds them that they are not on the streets. They aren’t in that horrible environment they’ve always lived in, not everyone is bound to be outright hostile, and they try. 

Later on Deuz says “If being at this camp and learning to work in a team makes my boys finally get accepted by society. Then I’ll do it.” and after that “I’ll show them that we can all change for the better.” They all became hostile because of where they grew up, but if there’s a chance to not be like that, to live in peace, then he’ll take it. He wants the best for them.

And that’s not to say Deuz has always been the pillar of morality. He participated in Bonnies harassment as much as all of them, but their thing is to change, to let go of that gut reaction of cruelty to avoid being hurt. And Deuz also changes with time. At the start, anyone who participated in the event, who went to the docks which is their territory, he would have been annoyed, he would have called them talentless, insult them and their craft and claim he and his crew were better before completely disregarding them as a whole. He would have been defensive about the only place where he can actually showcase his thoughts and feelings. But no! Later on he has respect for Fred, calls him “the king of the docks” and tries to be friendly. Of course after that Freddy is completely confused and he gets pissed, but I think it’s because he tried, he attempted to be friendly and swallow his pride and his defensiveness about the one thing they all have, and he got (in his head) made fun of. It made his instinct of “be the one on the top of the interaction always” kick in, because they WERE on the streets at that time and it’s suddenly the same it always has been. 

Right after that pup kills him on a single punch and that didn’t happen ^^.  no waaaay he would go down so easy to a person like pup whose most athletic skill is gymnastics. Deuz has shown he's had to fight and fight dirty/lawlessly to survive since he was little. it just doesn't make sense and it’s not real TOT Pup is built like a twig

“pia what about onnies song” also didn't happen ^^. After this point the series tries to soften Onnie to be less of a willing participant of the group’s actions, and I just really do not like it. Let him have blue hair and pronouns AND evil in his heart. 

I think that’s all for all, i need to be tazed. I know i kept it very neutral till now but guys please tell me you see why i ship them all so hard. God. I need to kill them all

i hate them you need to be put down <3 like the dogs u like (the nightmares) - Loops

[little-light-bulb]

yapping about my vampire: the masquerade OC lore under the cut, mostly in list format bc i just love the Him and need to talk about him. for context, our VtM game takes place in 2018 quebec (bc our GM is from quebec & likes to use the fact that hardly any of us speak french besides me as a plot point)

gonna cw for entirely fictional depictions of dubious consent, paranoia, & drug abuse. but also a character that through it all remains hopeful and positive.

emilio was born in the 70's, turned right around y2k during a drug fueled orgy, he doesn't remember exactly what happened that night but he does remember coming down in a ravenous hunger and almost killed the people at the party with him until some of the girls there conveniently let him feed off them.

(he still doesn't know if they Knew or if they were under someone's command, since the humans that work at the up-and-coming Elysium he DJs at are definitely under Command and are the same way)

he HATES being a vampire, and he thinks it's the worst thing that's ever happened to him. but he stays alive because his friends & boss remind him that he's worth being here and he is almost the entire reason the elysium he's at is still running. he also thinks it might be better than what was going on in his life, he's convinced he was a few years off from dying of an OD if he hadn't gotten turned.

he eats normal food, he has the boon that lets him enjoy doing so (though he does have to yarf it all up at the end of the night because he still can't digest it) - mechanically it's so he can blend in with human society but i took it for character reasons, he does it way more often than is necessary and it's almost wasteful - but his younger brother was worried about him when he started acting really cagey around family dinners when he got turned. his brother thought it was drugs or a serious illness (emilio -was- bisexual and extremely sexually active during the AIDS epidemic after all). and now he eats meals to remind him that even if he is a monster, someone loved and cared about him. his daily pop tarts are one of the biggest ways he keeps his humanity.

yknow, even if he did fake his own death to leave his old life behind because keeping up the masquerade around his old friends and family was too stressful. he doesn't know who his Sire is, even if he has his suspicions, so he had to learn everything about being a vampire on his own. the only thing that kept him going were the girls at seedy sex parties letting him take advantage of their bloodplay kinks. sometimes he still wonders if it was a kink or if they were just under someone's control to be 'fodder'

because of how he got turned, emi can't separate the act of feeding from people and sex in his mind, and now feeding is even more of an intimate and trusting act. he goes hungry often because he can't shake it and even when he's being invited by other vampires to feed from their thralls, he can't bring himself to do it unless the people are giving clear consent. which is -really- hard to get when you gotta keep up the masquerade.

even through it all, & the pain of one of his legs getting horribly crushed in a car accident that killed the only two people emilio trusted to know about him being a vampire before he settled in quebec, he keeps pushing through because of the surprising gentleness his elysium bosses have shown him. he's a toreador whose best friends are a nosferatu that he plays monster hunter with and a brujah who calls him 'Mutt' but respects how he still keeps himself in as high spirits as he does even when he's pressured into being an accessory to racketeering, larceny, and murder

i just love emi a lot and i really appreciate vtm for being a game where you can be Nice People but still Awful People at the same time bc it really lets you make characters that are actually morally grey, and not boy scout characters like the Other Big TTRPGs

[ootahime]

analyzing every gojohime moment in the manga p2

part 1 is here :3

this post includes more excruciatingly long paragraphs so grab urself something and enjoy LOL

chapter 40 

i know they’re not interacting in this panel but i still want to bring it up.  i’m gonna give some context to this scene in case someone needs to jog their memory.  so basically, mei’s ability to command crows is what allows the staff to observe the students from afar.  however, gojo notices that there’s lack of footage where yuuji is and asks mei why that’s so.  she tells him that they’re animals at the end of the day so she can’t control what they look at.  he doesn’t believe her so he asks her whose side she’s on (for yuuji’s execution vs against yuuji’s execution) to which she responds with, “whose side?  i’m on the side with money, of course.  there’s no value in something that can’t be bought since you can’t exchange that for money.”  in other words, she’ll always choose the side that offers her more money because she doesn’t care about how morally “correct” or “incorrect” something is.  it’s not worth fighting for a cause that doesn’t benefit her in the long run which is why she views things that are unable to be bought (friendships, relationships, favors) as useless - they can’t be exchanged for money.  it’s clear that gojo knows she’s not on his side because he replies with, “spoken from experience!” or “i wonder how much!” (translation varies).  he says it out loud to perhaps let gakuganji know that he’s onto him.  i find it interesting how utahime is in the panel as well with a “?” to express her confusion at his words.  let’s overthink dissect that.  why is she there in the first place? if the message was to let gakuganji know that gojo is aware of his ulterior motives then a panel with gakuganji and gojo would have sufficed.  why add utahime with a question mark? 

here’s a personal headcanon of mine that makes no absolute sense, but who cares? it makes me happy LOL.  so let’s examine the panel.  gojo’s face is more simplified and cartoonish with a grey background on top and some sort of white bubble surrounding the three characters.  gakuganji is staring at utahime and gojo.  in the official viz translation, he replies to mei with, “i wonder how much!”  

normal and logical explanation: shading the principal by asking out loud how much mei was paid by him to avoid monitoring yuuji.

gojohime brainrot explanation: 

mei: “there’s no value in something that can’t be bought since you can’t exchange that for money”

gojo: (in response) i wonder how much utahime’s love would cost if it did have a price.

utahime: ?

you’re probably thinking i’m delulu (true) BUT HEAR ME OUT.  IT WOULD SOMEWHAT MAKE SENSE IN THIS CONTEXT...

mei’s saying seems to be what she lives by.  relationships, love, friendships, etc. do not matter to her as this is evident when she ultimately abandons everyone in shibuya to escape to malaysia, selling all her stocks before japan’s economy goes down.  she doesn’t care about anyone else.  she even takes advantage of ui ui’s adoration for her.  she contrasts utahime.  utahime is loved by her students.  children, especially teenagers, are picky when it comes to choosing the adults they admire and respect.  while everyone trusts gojo, they do not respect him because of his childishness and overall absurdity.  it’s refreshing to see how they always call him an idiot or have a -_- face when he’s around.  when akutami says everyone absolutely adores utahime-sensei, it says a lot.  we haven’t seen her interact with her students all that much, but she’s obviously close to them because she’s frequently arguing with momo.  even a closed off person like mechamaru wanted to keep her away from danger.  she most certainly expresses a lot of concern and care for her students, and gojo and her students can pick up on this. 

i’ve talked about this in every post LOLOL but there’s a reason why he went to utahime first to help him investigate.  utahime is a loyal person through and through.  she would never do something that harms the students even if she was offered everything in the world.  she values relationships above everything else.  besides her concern for the students, how else was i able to come to this conclusion about her character?  well, she got shoko to stop smoking because she was worried about how it might damage her friend’s health.  from these two details, it’s obvious that she’s the complete opposite of mei.  

maybe that’s why he calls her weak.  she’s too selfless and compassionate in a world where every sorcerer is for themselves.  the world is cruel as a sorcerer.  no matter how hard you try to fight, in the end, you’ll always die alone.  remember his talk with megumi after the baseball game?  after witnessing megumi pull a sacrificial bunt to help his teammates advance, gojo has a talk with megumi about his attitude and potential.  he says that being selfless and caring about others is not a bad thing, but in a world like this, where people always die alone, he is wasting his potential by being concerned with others.  it’s okay to be selfish.  this is why we see fierce independence in a lot of the sorcerers like mei, nanami, and gojo.  they each have their own reasons as to why they work alone, but it’s still a common characteristic.  i feel like utahime doesn’t have a selfish bone in her body.  i speculate that her selflessness is the exact reason why she is being held back.  during her mission to exorcise a grade 1 spirit by herself, the final task before being promoted to grade 1, she likely got distracted trying to help civilians out of danger and failed her mission.  he’s right when he says she doesn’t have the guts to be the traitor, utahime doesn’t have it in her to do something so boldly solely for her own benefit.  

after this long tangent, how does this relate to your headcanon, ootahime?  

as you know, love is not transactional.  you can’t pay someone to love you.  what if gojo is asking himself how much it would cost to buy her love.  hence, her confusion because she is oblivious to what he really means.  it could be probable because gakuganji is observing not only gojo, but utahime as well.  so what gojo says must involve her too, right?  

or she could just be confused because his words seem out of place because she is unaware of what gakuganji is doing behind everyone’s back.  that explanation makes sense for viz’s official translation but it doesn’t make sense when he says, “spoken from experience!” because his words make sense in that context.  he’s basically saying that mei’s beliefs must be based on her past experiences so he understands why she feels this way.  that’s an appropriate response to mei’s statement so i don’t see why utahime would be confused by this.  unless i’m interpreting this whole scene completely wrong.  in that case, whoopsies!  

let me know if you’re confused because i’m willing to clarify.  idk why but i found this really difficult to explain.  maybe because i’m reaching so hard haha

chapter 40

he finds any way he can to tease her.  they seem like a married couple watching a movie or something.  does he take pride in being the only person she doesn’t get along with?  i mean, she says it herself so he is aware she thinks he’s annoying, but he keeps picking on her anyway.  he doesn’t even pick on his enemies this much LMAOOO i think the only other person he likes to make fun of is gakuganji but he does so because he doesn’t agree with his views.  with utahime it’s different.  he trusts her a lot and even looks out for her.  

chapter 44

why are there two separate instances of gakuganji observing utahime and gojo’s interactions from afar?  nah i’m just playing.  he’s just looking because he’s concerned she’ll run into the semi-grade 1 curse he had for yuuji.  OKAY BUT I NOTICED SOMETHING KINDA CUTE?  whenever utahime says something suddenly, he always has those 3 little triangles near his head.  it’s like he’s thinking, “oh!  utahime is speaking, i must listen <3″  look at his face too.  he’s looking at her like :O

this is also an example of her showcasing her concern for the students in front of gojo.  i feel like he questions why she’s so caring because if it were him, he would have left the student to figure it out themselves.  i really wonder how she would react if he answered her truthfully when she asked what he’d do if she were the traitor.  

chapter 45

there’s not much to say here...they’re just cute.  i know it’ll never happen but i’d like to see them fight side by side one day.  i’m aware that gojo works best alone but i just want to see how they’d work together, okay? 😔

chapter 45

see the little triangles on his head again?  UGH SO CUTE.  

chapter 45

IS THIS NOT INTENTIONAL???  they share the same thoughts.  he even finished her thought.  mannnnnnnnnnnnn what is akutami doing?  giving us false hope and stripping it away just for fun?  making them work so well together for what??

chapter 52

cute how he looks out for her.  i have nothing more to say LOL

chapter 53

notice how they’re sitting across from each other?  HEHE

chapter 53

yet another instance of her caring for her students in front of gojo.  in the anime she has the cutest expression when she says she’s glad the students are safe.  i bet gojo saw that too.  i also bet that she looks prettier from his point of view.

extra

from the manga and light novels, gojo and utahime are the ones that talk about sports the most.  he most definitely chose baseball to cheer her up.  it’s not a coincidence people!  

--

i feel like i had a lot more to say but i completely lost my train of thought while writing this, especially with chapter 40. i’m once again writing this at 4 in the morning LOL........  please please please add on or share your thoughts!  thank you for reading and sorry for any mistakes.  

[bunchofstraydogs]

Dazai Osamu in a relationship

Just a lil warning before you proceed: dis a chonky one, kay?

○

Depending on why Dazai is in a relationship affects how he will act with his partner.

If Dazai is curious about them, enough to enter the relationship,

it will last at best a handful of months, at worst about 2 weeks. Enough to get to know them, test them out in terms of reaction, values, honesty and morality, and get bored of them. Thus leading to him braking up with the person or, if he predicts that the person would react badly and cause a scene, get them to break up with him. But even that is dubious because i doubt Dazai would make the relationship official. He would probably just act as if they're dating, leading the partner to believe they actually are without having to verbally confirm anything, and then as soon as he loses interest, pulls a now-you-see-me-now-you-don't and disappears with little to no notice. Hey, he never said they were dating, he calls everyone Belladona, the fault is that person's for being delusional. Yes, he is an asshole, what did you expect of Dazai?

But if Dazai is in love?? Unrecognizable.

I will make a separate headcanon(? whatever these are I'm writing) on what i think a person should be like to sweep Dazai of his feet, but now i want to concentrate on what he would be like in such a relationship.

Is it possible for Dazai to fall in love? Absolutely. He loved Odasaku and Ango, perhaps not romantically, but he's definitely capable of love. People like him- aware of the world's cruelty, dealing with demons and guilt, roaming the world for the sole reason that they haven't died yet, hoping to find something worthwhile they can feel the need to be selfish about and call theirs; don't fall in love, they crash desperately. It takes a lot for them to feel those emotions, but when they do, they can never really let them go.

He would try to act as he usually does in public and try approaching the subject of his trepidation and disarray in many different ways. Distancing himself and going as far to actively avoid them would just come back and bite him in his boney ass. To effectively avoid someone, you need to know their schedule, hobbies, interests, habits, etc. And having learned that would just constantly remind him of them, they'd never leave his mind. He'd look on the clock, see the time and know that they'll be in that specific class because he knows their whole curriculum and class schedule/ at the grocery because they're surly out of their favourite snack/ doing black laundry and yes, he knows unnecessary details about them as well. After that disastrous failure, he comes back running and commences new ways to handle that person. These beta testings are for him as much as they are for them. Just how much and what exactly does he feel for that person, what buttons can he push and which ones he doesn't want to.

When i say Dazai in love would be unrecognizable, i mean it. Not superficially, where everyone can see it, but where it matters.

After doing his best to rail in the unfamiliar feelings under control, going as far as using some of Mori's techniques, the realization of the situation he's found himself in hits him hard.

He comes back as if nothing happened.

The deadpan that person gives him and a "Are you done with your bullshit or do you need some more time to brood about issues you made with yourself?" He doesn't even blink, "Oh, my Belladona! Does that mean you've missed me? Were you worried about me as well??"

All of this was said in your typical, Dazai maniac style, the only difference is that he actually wants an answer. He wants to hear the confirmation, in whatever form it may come- he can read between the lines and body language, just give him something to work with. He's desperate.

While the public Dazai persona won't change, his inner musings and his approach to the love interest will.

Osamu will, sometimes sneakily, usually not so subtly, immerse himself into their daily life. Get them accustomed and used to his presence. What this will do is cause a sense of familiar coexistence, that of people living together; make the person unconsciously continue to include him in their activities; learn to depend on him (not in a unhealthy, yandere way, but if their car brakes down or they're feelinh unsafe, Dazai will be the first person they feel the urge to call) because Dazai can be reliable and he will be reliable for that special person. He will also be the first person they share good news with as well, because if someone is always there for and with you, it's only natural.

Make no mistakes, Dazai is transparent only when he wants to be.

The reasons he does this is because 1) he wants to gauge their reaction to his great interest in them, 2) mask his subtle advances which are the most important part of integrating himself into their life, 3) to get that person in the position where he needs them to be for him to move on to the next phase of his plan.

Now, i may have said plan, but that's a somewhat loose term since what he'll do next depends on their reaction. He definitely has a rough outline of the whole thing in his head, but he's also adaptable and ready to react accordingly to whatever they may throw his way.

[I will be using l/i or LI for "love interest" bc I'm tired of writing that person or whatever, okay? Good.]

Once his l/i made effort to go out of their way for him or commit any type of love language, basically:

act of service- pay for his bills, massage his shoulders, buy crab based food or alchohol he really likes for their own fridge so that he can have it when he's over (often) even if they don't like those things especially then

words of affirmation- thank you Dazai, how was your sleep?, please take better care of yourself i can't help you if you're not making an effort

physical touch- ruffle his hair, lean on him when tired, hold his hand or wrist because it's crowded and it would be a pain to search for you Dazai

gift giving- "I noticed you were running out of bandages", "I bought you food, figured your lost case would forget to eat", "saw this mackerel, reminded me of you^^" "BELLADONA, NO >:("

quality time- spending nights with him because he has insomnia, playing games at the arcade, drive around town run from the cops

He would be overwhelmed. In the best way possible. He'd feel overwhelmingly good and pleasant and warm and worried.

He didn't feel like this, ever.

Not even with Odasaku and Ango. They were probably his first friends, but that's the thing. They didn't make his heart race, they didn't throw him into panic attacks, they didn't overwhelm him, they didn't keep him up at night because he couldn't get them out of his head or completely monopolise his mind during the day.

He gets panic attacks.

A lot of them, actually. Usually he can fake being fine, but sometimes he hyperventilates and can't breathe and all that he can smell is the blood on his hands and his chest is as hollow as l/i's eyes. He knows what can happen. They can and will be used against him. Hell, it could even be an accident. He is vulnerable just because they exist and he can't do shit about it.

He could do his thing: pull some strings, have them move to another country and never speak to each other ever again. He has the power, but he lacks the strength. He could do it, but he doesn't want to. His thumb won't press the numbers, his voice died out, his mind went blank.

The wind blows and it carries their scent with it. The bells ring and it's their laughter that resonates within. His bandages ruffle and it's the warmth of their touch he feels. He's dying, but he's not just ready yet to leave. Hopefully, Odasaku will patiently keep a seat for him.

That was what gave him away, actually.

That's when Ranpo realised, with zero doubt, that Dazai Osamu is in love.

Dazai could be going on and on about suicide.

Enter l/i.

"I found an amazing tree yesterday with really sturdy branches. I wanted to test them out today, but i promised l/i I'd go to the new bakery with them today and who would they go with if i die?? Unacceptable!"

Ranpo: "A new bakery? I'll happily take your place."

"UNACCEPTABLE!!"

With every panic attack he feels stranded on an island in the sea of death.

He's exhausted. For the first time he finally wants to escape alive. Then they walk in and the storm in the sea moves to his heart. And into his stomach and his hands and his knees.

"I'm here for you, Osamu. Everything is going to be fine."

His insomnia goes by a different name now.

It still keeps him up at night and makes him restless.

But this time, when he fills his nth glass of whiskey for the night, when the TV is muted and the trafic quiet, when he can hear their breathing beside him in their shared bed, he raises the glass to hope for the halcyon days.

●

Fucking finally. You think you're exhausted, you waste of bandages?? I have a final today I'm going to fail and actually wrote about your musky ass. You try doing that with my brain.

Hope you guys like it and if you made it this far, here's a cup of ☕ or 🍵, whichever you prefer. I wrote him as i see and envision him. Hope it all makes sense. He's a complicated character, but he is still human and he is not immune to emotions.

Have a good one~☆

I will probably come up with more things for him, because i doubt i covered everything, but for now this shall do.

[traincat]

Disregard my last ask because the latest issue raised a troubling question that I, as a black man, feel the need to clarify with you, a woman. That whole whole Ned Leeds/Betty Brant business is sexual assault via deception right? Like you know more about Clones and Spider-Man 616 than I but I feel like that’s besides the point because it happened to Betty. She is carrying the child of whom she thought was her dead ex-husband. And Ned clone has to know he is a clone. He has to know. Unlike Ben and Kaine, he has the awareness and information of the Jackal and the awareness of his progenitor’s death.

Or am I reaching too far and reading too far into things?

I'm glad you came back and asked this specific question because it's definitely something I have a lot of thoughts on, and I’m glad you asked my thoughts on it as a woman because I think this is one of those comic book storylines that’s hard for me to divorce that fact from -- the fact that I’m a woman definitely plays into how I view this storyline specifically and how it effects me, in ways I don’t think were necessarily intended by some of the writers involved in its ongoing arc who were not looking at things from the same perspective I’m coming at them from. I definitely don't think you're reaching or reading too far into things -- I think that is what's being presented on the page, albeit likely without authorial intent. Just as like a general disclaimer, I'm not closely following Spencer's run for the sheer reason that I'm not enjoying it very much, although I'm aware of the general directions it's taking through friends and social media. But I actually think this Betty/Ned issue goes back pretty far.

First things first, I think Clone Conspiracy really wreaked havoc on how Spider-Man as a series has always handled clones. Pre-Clone Conspiracy, there was a very clear clone narrative going on: clones are their own person, they are not direct copies or replacements of the original. You see this with Ben Reilly and you see it with the Gwen Stacy clones. Clones are treated as their own individuals, even if they have to struggle to get to that point -- there's even an issue of Spider-Man Unlimited where Ben and Betty go on a date. Betty doesn't know that Ben is Peter's clone -- he's introduced as his cousin -- and they both reflect on how you can't go back to the way things were. So even though Ben has all of Peter's memories regarding his initial romance with Betty, the narrative makes it clear that Ben and Betty cannot recapture that connection or that exact relationship.

Here's where Clone Conspiracy changed everything, in my opinion for the worse: Clone Conspiracy's clone narrative is that these clones are, essentially, the original person. I believe the Marvel wiki still actually lists the end of Clone Conspiracy as 616 Gwen Stacy's issue of death instead of Amazing Spider-Man #121, because Clone Conspiracy treated that Gwen not simply as a clone with all of the same memories, but as essentially Gwen resurrected through a cloning process. The Billy Connors who was cloned is treated as the same Billy Connors who was killed by his father in Shed (Amazing Spider-Man #630-633). And the clone Ned is treated as the same as 616 Ned. This is a mess, to put it simply, because it goes against all the previous Spider-Man cloning narratives and, honestly, most popular sci-fi clone narratives, and it's seriously undermining decades of good Spider-Man storytelling in ways that Slott didn't address and that Spencer seems unwilling to. It probably wouldn't have been a very big deal -- a frustrating one, but not a big one -- if all of the clones had perished at the end of Clone Conspiracy, but they didn't. Billy Connors escaped, and it's immensely frustrating to me to see Peter treating the Connors family reunion as something he can tolerate when Curt Connors ate his kid, and the Ned clone slithered away in the gutters to, I assume, spite me personally.

Which brings us to the current Betty Brant storyline in Amazing Spider-Man, where Betty has showed up heavily pregnant and informed Peter that the child is Ned's.

Yeah, I would say this is in fact the worst possible part. (ASM (2018) #67) Just speaking for myself, I'm generally not anti-pregnancy or baby storylines in comics, but this one is making me very uncomfortable for reasons beside Spencer being apparently unable to find any way to fit Betty into his stories without her showing pregnant.

So I'm actually going to take this back way, way to when Betty and Ned first got married, with some explanation of who Ned Leeds is for the uninformed, because, especially with the MCU's Ned Leeds in the mix, he's not exactly the world's most well known Spider-Man character. (I’m sure @ubernegro, who is much more well read on Miles Morales’ canon than I am, has thoughts on how the MCU’s Ned borrowed heavily off the character of Ganke Lee with a 616 Peter Parker character’s name pasted over him.) Ned was initially introduced as Peter's competition for Betty's affections -- Ned was older than both Peter and Betty, a working reporter, and presented as the more "stable" option compared to Peter, who of course Betty vastly preferred before circumstances tore them apart. Ned and Betty married in Amazing Spider-Man #156 and jetsetted off to Europe for Ned's job. This is where the cracks in the marriage began. Betty later reveals that she felt abandoned by Ned in Europe, to the point where she was able to come back to New York without his immediate notice -- as a woman, it's very easy to read their relationship at this point as being one filled with, if not abuse, then emotional neglect. Betty and Peter have a quick extramarital affair at this point -- Peter has just broken up with Mary Jane and Betty claims she and Ned are separating -- that persists until Ned returns and punches Peter over it.

(ASM #193)

(ASM #229) Betty and Ned reconcile off panel shortly thereafter, but that's pretty far from the end of the story. It's implied that the problems Betty and Ned previously had start to develop again, namely that Betty feels abandoned by Ned, that he is inattentive and, again, as a woman, it's hard not to read it as emotional neglect, if not abuse -- yet. Betty does start another affair at this point, this time with Flash Thompson, and Ned starts acting strangely. It would later be retconned that he was suffering the effects of hypnotism by the Hobgoblin, but like I said, that's a retcon, and what was happening at the time was that Ned was acting erratically in part because he was the villainous Hobgoblin. Ned becomes controlling, threatening, and verbally and physically abusive towards Betty.

(ASM #284)

(ASM #283) "I suppose you think it's all right for a wife to cheat on her husband!" "No -- but I won't let you hurt her, either." Leaving aside that Peter also had an affair with Betty, something he's conveniently forgetting in the above panels, I've always really liked this exchange, because the narrative makes it clear through Peter's response to Ned that, whatever the audience may think of Betty for cheating on Ned, it is reprehensible for Ned to publicly humiliate her and/or physically abuse her as a response.

Then Ned Leeds dies in Spider-Man vs Wolverine and he's revealed as the Hobgoblin posthumously shortly thereafter and that remains canon for years and years until it's later retconned out, as comics are wont to do. But that's not really that important for this conversation -- my point being, at one point in Spider-Man canon, it's made fairly clear to the reader that Ned is an abusive husband. He emotionally neglected and abused Betty several times over and physically hurt her at least once on panel, with the clear intent that the reader should realize that he is physically hurting her. So for me as a reader and as a woman, this has always been a really uncomfortable relationship. I have a problem with later Spider-Man comics claiming that it's "not Ned's fault" that he abused Betty because of the retcon that he was hypnotized, and I have a problem with the MCU making Betty and Ned into a cute summer fling in Spider-Man: Far From Home, because I feel like Ned's clear abuse of Betty either gets excused or entirely glossed over. And I don’t think the initial abuse storyline is bad -- I think there’s some amount of value in portraying Betty as a woman who marries too young, who experiences a terrible marriage, and who then spends years recovering from that marriage, which was the case up until they retconned Ned’s abuse of her as a side effect of him being controlled by the real Hobgoblin. What I’m specifically uncomfortable with is the post-retcon attitude that since Ned didn’t really mean to abuse Betty, it’s perfectly fine to portray the relationship in a positive light when even before Ned’s abuse became physical that wasn’t the case. I think that’s ultimately really irresponsible storytelling.  As a reader, I’m not against soap opera style storylines -- someone getting impregnated by a cone of their ex-husband seems pretty par for the course. But there’s so much additional context here that I still haven’t entirely processed how I feel about this Betty storyline, except that what I feel isn’t positive.

So yes, I would agree with you when I say I think there’s quite a lot of deception involved in Betty’s pregnancy storyline -- the Ned clone didn’t tell her he was a clone, even though he had full knowledge of that fact, just as he had full knowledge of how badly the original Ned treated Betty over the course of their relationship -- that renders their sexual encounter and Betty’s pregnancy uncomfortable for me as a reader, to put it mildly. I don’t think it’s out of character for the Ned clone, given that he acts much like the original Ned: he’s selfish and controlling, withholding information from Betty to suit his own needs. The tragedy of Ned and Betty isn’t that Ned died, as more recent Spider-Man stories like to portray it -- including this one, where Betty doesn’t have the knowledge that a) the Ned she reunited with was a clone and not the original and b) that that clone later died. (ASM #816.) The tragedy is that writers continue to force Betty Brant into Ned Leeds storylines instead of letting her as a character grow past him, and that the only way Spencer thought to include her, one of the longest running Spider-Man characters, back in the story was to have her appear starry-eyed over carrying the child of (the clone of) her abusive ex-husband, and the tragedy is that nobody writing more recent Betty and Ned interactions seems to realize that Ned was a villain not because he was briefly the Hobgoblin but because of how he treated Betty. 

[cosmicjoke]

Okay, onto chapter 128 of SnK.  There’s some really huge thematic payoff in this chapter which I want to talk a little about!

The big theme that really comes full circle here is the theme of violence, and how it’s intrinsically linked to the human condition.  That’s obviously a huge theme throughout this entire series, but in a lot of ways it culminates in this chapter.

I first really noticed it in a big way, in terms of having a big impact on the characters, way back in chapter 50 something, during the Uprising arc, in that scene where Jean, Connie, Sasha, Mikasa and Armin are waiting around, and they start talking about Levi and how repulsed they feel by what they perceive to be his unnecessary violence.  They flatly condemn him for it, even going so far as to say there’s something wrong with him, and making bold statements about how they would never kill another person, no matter the circumstances.  This statement of course comes back to bite them not long after, when Armin is forced to kill one of Kenny’s squad in order to save Jean, and Jean begins to understand the impossibility and even selfishness that can be inherent to holding without compromise to one’s moral values. 

That theme comes back in a huge way in chapter 128, and it’s really interesting to see Reiner try to step in and take on the role of martyr by telling the members of the 104th that they don’t need to fight, trying to save them from the moral dilemma of killing their own comrades.  What I found really interesting here was how Jean, Connie, Mikasa and Armin don’t answer at first, and you can see this is a huge struggle for them, the scenario presented before them one which clearly goes against everything they want to believe they’re fighting for.  Connie even says that they’re supposed to be saving people, not murdering their friends, etc...  But it’s impossible to ignore how it’s Hange who steps in and dashes any possibility of them sitting this fight out against the rocks.  They say they aren’t interested in being a spectator, and reminds everyone there that humanity doesn’t have any time left for them to be debating their morality.  This ties back in perfectly with what Levi had spoken to his squad about way back in the Uprising Arc, again, when he told them he doesn’t know what’s right or wrong, and that all any of them can do in any given situation is act in the way they think is best, both for themselves and those they care for, and for humanity as a whole.  We’ve seen Hange come to terms with this blunt and often brutal reality well before this, during the battle for Shingashina, for example.  Hange really began to separate whatever moral qualms they might have had, any emotion they might have had about killing other people, during this arc, and coming to really understand and accept that sometimes morality was something that had to be sacrificed for the greater good.  Here in chapter 128, Hange isn’t interested in or willing to indulge in preserving either their, or anyone else’ moral purity at the expense of the Marlyean group.  They’re in this together, and Hange understands fully that to accept Reiner’s offer of sitting back and watching while he, Annie and Pieck take on the Yeagerists would be the height of selfishness and a prime example of placing one’s own moral purity over the well being of others.  I always think it’s brilliant the way AoT explores these issues, of how an uncompromising loyalty to one’s idea of morality can, in fact, lead to total disaster for others, can in fact worsen the lives of others.  How if one has a moral code they are absolutely, under no circumstances, willing to break, that person often is the one who is most self-serving and self-centered, more concerned with keeping their own hands clean than with helping anyone else.  SnK doesn’t condemn violence, but instead makes very strong arguments for why it is sometimes not only an option, but the ONLY option, and that’s incredibly bold, and incredibly true to reality.  

Armin, as usual, is the first to understand this, after Hange reminds them all.  Armin was also the first, back during the Uprising Arc, to extend understanding towards Levi and his violence, and why he had to at times resort to it.  Armin flat out says here “I refuse to stand by with clean hands”.  He’s acknowledging the selfishness inherent in an uncompromising moral code, and refuses to place himself above the rest of humanity, even if it means once more getting his hands dirty with the blood of other people.  He still comes up with a plan to try and avoid any bloodshed, but you can see Armin is willing and ready in this moment to do whatever is necessary, which he does when he and Connie get into the situation they do with Daz and Samuel.  Armin is the one who tackles Samuel, which is what gives Connie the chance to shoot him.

There’s this huge moment with Levi I want to talk about, after everything goes to shit and Armin’s plan falls apart, where Yelena says “You can’t separate humanity from violence.”  And then she says to Levi “Right, Captain?”, and we get a look at Levi’s face, and once again, he just looks filled with naked despair.  I think these two panels are incredibly important in understanding Levi’s own psychology during this entire final arc.  Yelena is right, for once, when she says you can’t separate humanity from violence.  It’s a part of the human condition.  And she asks Levi specifically about it, because if anyone understands this, it’s Levi, who grew up in a world where violence was often the ONLY option, if one wanted to survive, or protect those they cared for.  But Levi’s saddened expression in the following panel really speaks to his feelings regarding the undeniable truth of Yelena’s words.  Levi knows it’s true, but he wishes desperately that it wasn’t.  I’ve called Levi an idealist over and over, and it’s because Levi is someone who understands the way of the world, and understands human nature, with more clarity and compassion than probably any other character in the series, he understands that violence, pain, poverty, desperation, fear, death, are all a part of life, and especially a part of the human condition, and yet, even with that understanding and acceptance, Levi is also someone who strives towards something better,  towards a world in which these things AREN’T necessary, aren’t inevitable.  Levi has been fighting this whole time in order to try and create a world in which people can live in genuine peace and prosperity, without fear, or violence or inequality.  But every bit of Levi’s life experience tells him and reminds him, day in and day out, of the impossibility of that ideal.  The impossibility of creating a world in which these things don’t exist.  Nothing in Levi’s life would ever lead him to believe true peace and prosperity for all is an attainable dream, nothing in his life which would ever give him real hope in that dream becoming reality.  But still, he fights for it.  This is part of what makes Levi so remarkable.  It’s the very fact that he STRUGGLES to believe in the possibility of a better world, and yet still gives everything of himself to make it a reality, that makes Levi such a hero.  In fact, Levi doesn’t really believe that it’s possible, I don’t think, his life having been too hard and too desperate to fully embrace such an ideal notion.  But, once again, even as he’s riddled with doubt as to it’s attainability, he sacrifices everything he has for the possibility, no matter how slim.   Levi’s naked despair in the panel following Yelena’s question is because he’s being reminded once again of the impossibility of that dream.  Once again, he’s being shown that humanity is incapable of achieving true peace within itself, he’s being shown once again that people are by nature violent and warlike, and that everything he’s fought for seems more and more like a distant and hopeless dream.  Yelena sits in stark contrast to Levi here.  She’s bitterly accepting of the ugly reality, unmoved and unemotional.  She doesn’t care.  She thinks humanity is a worthless mess, unsalvageable and unworthy of salvation.  To Yelena, this is the inevitable result of humanity’s very existence, and to fight for something that unrealistically idealistic is a fools errand.  Indeed, Yelena seems almost to revel in it, the violence serving as affirmation of her beliefs, giving her a sense of validation.  But Levi, beside her, is deeply affected, his pain and sadness openly expressed in his face, his disappointment and heartbreak plain to see.  Levi is HURT by the violence, by seeing it unfold.  Levi, despite knowing the truth of Yelena’s words, despite knowing from the most first-hand experience the brutal and violent nature of human beings, and the improbability of humanity ever achieving true peace, still believes with his whole heart that humanity is WORTH fighting for.  Levi, despite how hard it is for him to believe in actually achieving a better world, still believes that FIGHT is worth an attempt.  And that’s really one of the most vital philosophical difference between Levi and people like Yelena, or Zeke.  Despite knowing and understanding better than anyone the brutal and harsh reality of the world and humanity, to Levi, it’s still something that’s worth fighting to protect, and worth sacrificing for.  Even against his own, weary doubts as to its possibility.  And that just shows a strength of character that is immense.  To be so burdened by doubt, but still to fight with every last ounce of your strength, to give to your very last breath.  That’s Levi.  That strength of character, that unwavering conviction in giving his all to a cause he isn’t at all sure is even possible, is never more apparent than in this final arc, when Levi is in the most literal sense at deaths door, physically wrecked and barely able to even stand, and yet still he fights with everything he has.  That truly is remarkable.  That truly is heroic.

Just one more note.  Floch really exposes himself in this chapter for what he actually is, which is a power freak.  He’s been spouting off this whole time about the Empire of Eldia and saving the island and the people on the island and blah, blah, blah, but during his conversation with Kiyomi, he admits that he doesn’t really believe that the island will be safe, even if Eren wipes out all of humanity, that people will still continue to kill each other, and then he starts in about how what’s important now is for people to “know their place”, as he holds a gun to Kiyomi’s head.  Floch is a power freak, he wants to control other people, wants to dictate to them, wants to hold power over them.  He exposes that about himself here.  He doesn’t actually care about Paradis, or the people on it.  He’s simply getting off on being able to push other people around and make them do what he tells them to.  He’s such a bitch.  It was hilarious when Kiyomi took his ass down and messed his arm up.  

[itsnothingofinterest]

I’ve often said that it seems like a lot of the main pros below All Might seem to end up representing serious flaws in hero society; specifically the ones on the hero side of things. So as a fun little exercise I thought I’d go over all those main pros and what flaws they represent (should be easy, they’re usually their own personal character flaws). Maybe also give my assessment to what I think their chances of living to the end of the series are while I’m at it, since representing serious flaws in the old guard can be hazardous to your health if treated poorly.

Endeavor

A man who needs no introduction if you’re any kind of HeroAca fan. love or hate him, everyone knows the new no.1.

Funnily enough, he’s actually the main exception to the rule we mentioned before about a pros’ character flaw being the flaw they thematically represent. See, his character flaw is that he focus so much on heroics, his career in heroics, or just his own general needs over his family; to the point that he only had a family to have children he could live vicariously though, and felt no obligation to love the ones he couldn’t live through. What he represents, is actually two-fold: 1) the toxicity of the ranking system which makes heroics so competitive and encourage heroes focus on some arbitrary number, and 2) the power heroes have that let them do horrible things and get away with it. They’re connected concepts, for sure, but not exactly synonymous.

And with that said, what are his chances of survival? Well, the ranking toxicity is out of his hands, but besides that...it can be hard to tell. He has, under semi-aggressive guidance of his family, publicly taken responsibility for the things he’s done and vowed to make up for it; which helps his chances considerably. But in that same scene he also said that the only way he can atone is to keep doing what he’s always done; beat up villains and at least 1 family member. It sends a mixed message. But in general; I want to say that he’s gotten enough development that he doesn’t feel set to fail his arc now. I’d be tempted to say his chances look pretty good...were it not for all the separate reasons I think he’s likely to die anyway. Oh well, no one’s situation can be perfect.

Hawks

The controversial hero; Hawks!

I’ve summarized Hawks’ main flaw before as ‘hubris’, partially because he’s an Icarus figure so generalizing it like that feels clever, but it’s a bit more complex than that. Hawks main flaw isn’t so much pride as it is self-righteousness. Hawks represents the belief that everything is just right as it is, and the status quo must therefore be protected at all costs. A denial that the heroes he believes in have done anything wrong even after staring their mistakes in the face and spending months talking with those the heroes failed. In fact to contrast Endeavor’s line to the press; Hawks tried to excuse what he did as though it had to be done. That’s the opposite of promising.

With that said, what are his chances of survival? Well, I’d actually put him at 50/50 odds; since I see 2 endings for him, and it’s too early to tell which is more likely. See, while we’ve only got two instances of a “pattern,” Hawks seems like a guy who falls to the ground, recovers and gets back up, only to fall even further down because he never learns. So his two futures are either: A) To actually learn. Take a fall so hard that in the aftermath, he can’t convince himself he was right all along. Maybe he gets Endeavor killed, or does something to sever their relationship. Something that’d force him to self-reflect. B) To take a fall so hard it proves fatal; his mistakes catching up to him in a way that doesn’t give him a chance to self-reflect.

Best Jeanist

Sir Long Neck McImagine Obsession himself.

Best Jeanist represents the self-interest in hero society can have over justice itself. Already known for being focused on superficial image; he’s dramatic reappearance revealed just how deep that went. For when it’s revealed by a villain that a hero has committed great crimes that ended up motivating that villain’s actions; Jeanist’s immediate concern was the damage this would do to the reputation of heroes. More than what kind of person he’s been working alongside, and even more than saving lives, Jeanist’s first thought went the wellbeing of the industry he works in and how bad they would collectively look to the public; that’s what he’s most angry at Dabi for.

Chances of survival are...maybe 40-50%? There’s no real leaning one way or another frankly, so that kind of feels like it’d put him at even odds for the exact opposite reason as Hawks. Will he live? Will he die? Who can say? Leaning just a bit towards death though, because again, representing flaws in the old guard can be hazardous to your health.

Mirko

And here we have the violent one.

While I’m tempted to lump this one with Hawks, I actually think Ms.Mirko represents the heroes use of incredible violence best. See, Mirko is someone who really likes to beat people up, even once in a spin-off said Bakugou’s drive to murder was a good thing in a hero. And while she won’t even feel the need to kill like Hawks apparently did, her response to fighting the High End Nomu was something like “finally, some villains I get to just kill with no ethical issues, that makes things easy”. (Which, considering the High Ends are sentient is, um, hmm). Her love of violence borders on villainous, and she freely admits it is simple obligation that prevents her from crossing that boundary. It’s reminiscent of when Shigaraki pondered what the difference really was between heroes’ & villains’ violence. And, well, if it closes the gap in morality between heroes and villains, it’s going on this list.

Regarding her chances of survival, like Jeanist she’s not exactly defined enough to really say anything for sure or end up on any extreme end; I’ve no real reason to think she’s very likely live or die. That said; on the one hand she seems a bit more eagerly reveling in the flaw she represents, plus a blood knight getting back into the fight after sustaining heavy injuries is never a good sign. On the other hand, Horikoshi clearly likes her for reasons we won’t address here. I think I’m gonna average it out to 50%. Maybe even 60%.

Kamui Woods & Mt. Lady

You wouldn’t think some of the most plain as bread heroes would be joining the ranks of the problematic, and in fairness that’s because they mostly aren’t, but they are the ones who best represent a serious issues with heroes. They represent the way heroes will focus on flashiness & the problems they cause/exasperate in the process. Misconduct performed in the quest for fame; in so many words. Kamui showed this in chapter 1; calling a giant purse snatcher “evil incarnate” because that villain was attention grabbing and disturbing the peace. This is especially noticeable in hindsight, after we’ve see some real problems heroes could be dealing with but aren’t; like lost children on their way to becoming villains. And Mt. Lady represent it by how she operates in a big city despite her powers really working better for more rural or neighborly environments; because city work makes her more popular and rakes in the cash (that she loses paying for repairs).

That said, even if those are flaws I feel are highly associated with them, none of that is stuff they’re actively involved in; they’re naïve at best, and have already improved considerably (for minor characters at least) into better heroes. Frankly speaking, their changes of survival are probably averaging at 85% (80% for Kamui, 90% for Mt.). Like, they’re not gag characters per se; but they’re not super serious characters, they’re not connected to the MCs in any real way, and they don’t knowingly contribute to any of society’s corruptions. Really, so long as big H doesn’t really want to off someone we know for a shock, they’re probably fine.

Gran Torino

And lastly, the only non-big shot on the list, the unpleasant old geezer himself; Gran Torino!

What GT represents better than any other, I think, is the idea of passing any blame a hero may have for the actions/very existence of a villain on to the villain in question, thus allowing the heroes to better absolve themselves. You know like how with Shigaraki, he ignores any fault he has with that guys’ existence and simplifies him down to a criminals they can only beat down; and how dare he exist and thereby hurt Toshinori’s feelings. On that note, I’d say he also represents the idea that the villains are what they are, they’re too far gone, and there’s nothing the heroes can do about it. The most convenient excuse to not ever have to try to make up for what they did wrong, which you can’t even blame them too much for because they “tried their best” (even if they really didn’t).

So, what are his odds? Well frankly I wanna put him at 0% just cause he’s so old that if a villain doesn’t get him, time will. But that’s cheating. In actuality, it’s hard to say; dude’s a stubborn old man, and it really feels like it will depend on his ability to admit how wrong he handled things regarding Tomura. Now admittedly, he did admit to making the wrong choice in handling Kotaro, but he’s said nothing of Tomura so far. For now I’ll put him at 30%, but we’ll have to see if he sticks to his guns regarding current events next time he talks with All Might or whoever to really get a gasp on his chances.

And that’s about all the big ones so we’ll wrap it up. Anyway the point is it feels like a lot of heroes are gonna need to get their acts together lest they risk coming down with Not Alive Syndrome sometime in the future.

[zukkacore]

Whitewashing in AtlaLok: the Western & Christian Influence on s2 of LoK

Ok, so i’m not a big brained expert on all things indigenous or even all things asian but I do think bryke's christian & western worldview seeps so far into season 2 of LoK that i think out of every season it’s by far the most unsalvageable out of everything they’ve ever done in the Atlaverse and is a very insidious kind of whitewashing. I know that sounds hefty but here’s what I mean

For the record, I’m a mixed filipino person & while there is religious diversity among filipinos, more than i think ppl realize or that the catholic majority is willing to let on, when we were colonized a large percent of the population was indeed forced to convert to catholicism so that’s my background, & i don’t know everything about taoism or the what the tai chi symbol represents but the way Bryke westernize the concept of Yin and Yang is honestly… kinda bewildering. They get so many details about yin & yang wrong?? & Yes, it’s possible they could’ve been trying to create their own lore that differentiates itself from the traditional depictions of Yin & Yang, but in the end i think it doesn’t matter b/c the lore they invent is a very obviously western interpretation of the concept of “balance”.

The most important and honestly worst change they make is that concepts of “light” and “dark” are completely oversimplified and flattened to represent basically “good” and “evil” (which, the light and dark side are a bit more complex than representing just “peace/order vs. Chaos” like the show might imply but we don’t even have time for that, but is funny how they get the genders wrong. Like. Traditionally, light is usually coded masculine and dark is usually coded feminine, but never mind that, that’s just a tangent). This really simplifies the nuance of the s2 conflict and makes it a lot less interesting, not to mention just—misrepresents a very real religious philosophy?

And for the record, a piece of media going out of its way to do "the show, don’t tell" thing of stating in the text that “oh, light and dark are not the same thing as good vs. evil” without actually displaying that difference through the writing is just lip service, and its poor writing. A lot of pieces of media do this, but i think s2 of LoK is particularly egregious. The point of this philosophy of balance is that you aren’t supposed to moralize about which side is “good” or “bad”, or even really which one is “better” or “worse”. Even if the show states the concepts are not interchangeable, if the media in question continually frames one side (and almost always its “chaos/darkness”) as the “evil” side, then the supposed distinction between “light vs. dark” and “good vs. evil” is made moot. And besides the occasional offhand remark that implies more nuance without actually delivering, Vaatu is basically stock evil incarnate.

This depiction of conflict as “defeating a singular representation of total evil” isn’t solely christian, but it is definitely present in christian beliefs. And I think those kinds of stories can be done well, but in this case, in a world filled entirely of asian, Pacific Islander & inuit poc, to me it feels like a form of subtle whitewashing? B/c you’re taking characters that probably wouldn’t have christian beliefs, and imposing a christian worldview onto them. Not to mention removes what could have been an interesting conflict of any nuance and intrigue… and honestly, sucks, because I do think s2 has the bones of an interesting idea, mostly b/c there are potential themes that could’ve been explored—I know this b/c they were already explored in a movie that exists, and it’s name is Princess Mononoke! It has a lot of the same elements—tension between spirits and humanity, destruction of nature in the face of rapid industrialization, moral ambiguity where there are no easy or fast answers and both sides have sympathetic and understandable points of view. (Unsurprising b/c Miyazaki is Japanese & Japanese culture has a lot of influence from Buddhism, Taoism, Shintoism, etc)

Bryke’s western & christian worldview also totally seeps into the characterization of Unalaq, the antagonist of the season which is a real problem. I’m in the middle of rewatching s2 right now and what struck me is that….. Unalaq comes across kinda ecofash AND fundamentalist which is 1) seems like an odd combination but maybe it really isn’t? 2) i think is a really tacky choice considering that the water tribes take the majority of its inspiration from inuit and polynesian indigenous cultures.

I honestly forgot abt this but Unalaq gives this whole lame speech abt how the SWT & humans as a whole suck b/c of their lack of spiritual connection & it was really eerie to me b/c "humans are morally bankrupt and they must be wiped out/punished for their destruction of the environment" is total ecofash logic bc it blames all of humanity for damage caused by those in power—be they capitalists or whoever. It’s a worldview that blames the poor and powerless for something they have no say in, and has real eugenics undertones bc with every implication of culling, there has to be someone who appoints themself the job of culling—of who is and isn’t worthy of death.

This belief also struck me as......... kinda christian in it's logic as well which is WEIRD b/c once again........ their cultural inspirations are DEFINITELY not christian...... The whole "man is inherently evil and must spend their whole lifetime repenting/must face punishment for it’s wickedness" thing and the way that christianity treats humanity as born with original sin or inherently corrupt—as well as above or separate from nature are really stronger undertones in Unalaqs worldview....... which isn't really an indigenous way or thinking.

I'm generalizing of course but from what I have seen from the indigenous people who speak on this is that (feel free to point out or correct me if i’m mostly generalizing abt Native Americans and not other indigenous cultures & there are some differences here) is that while native tribes are not monolithic and do vary wildly, there are a lot of common threads and that reverence and respect toward nature and your surroundings is an important tenant of indigenous beliefs. (I specifically remember the hosts on All My Relations saying essentially that we humans are a part of nature, we are not separate from it, and humans are not superior to animals—I’m paraphrasing but that is the gist of it)

So, yeah, I think it’s just really distasteful to write an indigenous character who is characterized in a way that’s way more in line with a christian fundamentalist & wants to bring about a ragnarok style apocalypse end of the world when that isn’t really a tenant of our beliefs? (btw, the way the end of the world is framed is also kinda fucked up? If i were being charitable, I could say that maybe s2’s storyline is a corruption of the hindu depiction of the end of the world, but even that sounds mildly insulting for reasons I won’t get into b/c i am Not The Expert On Hinduism. I will say that once again, the framing of the concept is all wrong, the show views the idea of apocalypse through a very western lense)

To wrap this up, I think the depiction of Unalaq could *maybe* work b/c he is the antagonist, so someone who strays from the NWT cultural tradition in a way that makes his view of morality more black and white wouldn’t be a *horrible* idea for the bad guy of the season. Especially because the introduction of capitalism to the A:TLA universe could probably cause a substantial shifts to… idk, everything i guess, b/c capitalism is so corrosive. Like. Sometimes people are just traitors. I do think it would be interesting to portray the way capitalism manifests in a society without white christians. Like… I do think there are a lot of ways secular christianity and capitalism are interlinked. But Unalaq is not portrayed as an outsider, he’s portrayed as hyper-traditionalist in a way that’s vilified? I guess rightly so, he does suck, but it’s just hard to conceptualize how a person like Unalaq comes to exist in the first place. In the end, I don’t really think it makes sense, in a world without white people, I don’t really know where this introduction of black and white christian morality would even come from in the avatar world?

TL;DR, Bryke applying western christian morality & world views to non-white characters in a world where white people have NEVER existed to affect our beliefs is a subtle form of white-washing. It imposes simplified “good vs. evil” world-views & cultural beliefs onto its characters. Any attempt to represent or even just integrate our actual beliefs into the A:tla lore are twisted and misrepresented is a way that is disrespectful and saps out any nuance or intrigue from the story, and alienates the people its supposed to represent from recognizing themselves within the final product. And Finally, on a more superficial story level, these writing choices clashe with the already existing world of ATLA--and is honestly just poor world-building.

[allofthefeelings]

In your commentary on Stranger Things on Twitter, you mentioned the way the show presupposes allocisheterosexuality about El despite that she was fully removed from "normal girlhood" socialization most of her life. And yeah, I've had problems with that since s1. The show has an unfortunate tendency of treating her as Nerd Boy's Dream Girl rather than fully examining the reality and trauma of her experience.

Oh jeez, yeah.

If you don't follow me on Twitter you may not know that I kind of watched... all of Stranger Things? I'd finished the first three seasons of In Treatment, the new In Treatment wasn't starting yet, it was a whole THING.

Anyway.

I have been thinking about this a lot, because on the surface El should absolutely be my character. She's a kid, extraordinarily gifted, isolated and abused so her talents can be exploited, who figures out how to fight back. And there are parts of El's storyline that I really, really like. But I'm overall frustrated with her narrative, because... wait, this gets long. And has spoilers for all three seasons. And talks about Billy's plots so CW for multiple kinds of abuse narratives here!

First of all, the things done to Eleven don't make logistical sense. I am ALL IN on an evil governmental/science conglomerate kidnapping special children and torturing them into using their special powers against their enemies. Characters overcoming that is my catnip.

But for El to be useful, she needs to function as more than just a tape recorder! We see this when she mindwalks to people but lacks the ability to know what things mean- she doesn't know what Illinois is, for example, or why the girls with Billy might be screaming for non-terrible reasons.

(BILLY'S PLOT IS AN ABOMINATION, YOU DON'T PORTRAY A BULLY AS AN ABUSED KID AND THEN HAVE ADULT WOMEN WITH KIDS HIS AGE LUSTING AFTER HIM ONE EPISODE LATER. But that is a whole separate post.)

El not knowing what a friend or a promise is may make her interesting for the show, and interesting to a bunch of teen boys who've just discovered her, but it limits her usefulness to the evil government! Like, it's great she can crush a can with her mind and listen to people from any distance but if she doesn't understand what they're talking about, you have no guarantee she's going to come away with the important information, and then this poor child once again has a nosebleed for no fucking reason. It's painful and cruel to her, which I accept they don't care about, but it's also INEFFICIENT IF YOU'RE A MAD SCIENTIST. Like I get that evil scientists aren't great with the long game but this is shoddy evil science and that offends me.

ANYWAY.

They make El a very "born yesterday" character, but it's not consistent how. She can speak and understand others, she can perform tasks, she's very good at violence, she has a moral code established despite the evil scientists who were the only people she interacted with (who could have just... raised her with a moral code that fit theirs, no harm no foul? THEY'RE VERY BAD AT EVIL SCIENCING). She had a friend, Kali, but doesn't know what friends are. She understands parental figures- she calls Brenner "Papa"; she knows who "Mama" is- but her feelings about parental figures don't seem at all impacted by how "Papa" was abusive. All of this combines to make her feel unmoored, as a character; I don't have a baseline of how she's understanding the world, and because we perceive her through the boys, it's really hard to find firm footing.

And then season three. I get that what we see is a lot of El trying to figure out what she likes by trying on other people's preferences for size, and that makes sense, but we never see her growing, so much as adopting one person and then another and then another. As you mentioned me complaining about already, in season three her desires match perfectly with those of a stereotypical allocishet teen girl from an 80s movie. And yes, Stranger Things is an 80s movie pastiche, but the boys are allowed to move beyond that in terms of what they want; El doesn't. She wants to make out with her boyfriend with the door closed, even though this has no rebellious value when you weren't raised with these values to begin with, and the soundtrack to her mall trip (which Max even SAYS is about figuring out what she wants, not what other people want her to want) is Material Girl! LIKE SHE'S BEING MATERIALISTIC RATHER THAN FIGURING OUT WHAT SHE WANTS!

(ALSO THIS SHOW IS CLEARLY LEANING ON HAVING AN ADULT AUDIENCE, SO PLEASE STOP SHOWING KIDS MAKING OUT, IT'S VERY DISQUIETING.)

Let's also talk about how the scenes with possessed!Billy kidnapping El are absolutely chock full of rape imagery, when El is a child, Billy is shown as abused by his dad and abusive to Max and kidnapping his fellow lifeguard and objectified by all the women at the pool, and yet El's fear doesn't reflect that. Even if El doesn't know pop culture, she clearly knows danger, and it's like the show doesn't recognize that even a young teen girl is aware of predatory behaviors because it's impossible to live in the world- even in a sheltered world limited mostly to an evil lab and a cabin in the woods with a TV- without knowing.

MOREOVER, El exists less as person than as a deus ex machina; every season, things get dangerous and she has to hurt herself (those constant bloody noses cannot be pleasant) rescue everyone else over and over while no one appreciates her. She wants to stop the bad men but we don't have a grip on exactly why she knows they're bad (besides trying to make her kill an animal, but I come back to why does she have the morality to know she shouldn't? and how does she know anyone else in the world is better?) and while I actually am fully on-board with a kid being raised to see herself as a tool lacking self-worth because she was never taught to value herself, the narrative should be contesting that! And it's not! And I don't understand!

All of this works if you only see El through the boys' lens, and only see El as an accessory to their story. But for El to be a character, rather than a nerd's wet dream, she has to have her own motivations and her own code. We get tantalizing glimpses of it- more from her time with Max than with anyone else- and we see her comforted (by Joyce and by Hop at different times, also DON'T GET ME STARTED ON HOPPER IN S3 IT IS A PROBLEM), but I feel like the show wants her to be mysterious to us because she's mysterious to Mike and his friends, without bothering to make that mystery consistent enough to root her.

I want El to be my character so badly, because she has all the pieces I normally gravitate to- and let's be honest here, River Tam and Natasha Romanoff and Micah Sanders don't exactly get fully fleshed out in their canons either- but she doesn't fit together for me. They've simultaneously given us too much and not enough, so she's a series of tropes that I can't Frankenstein together into a story for her that takes into account both her knowledge and her lack-of-knowledge but doesn't explicitly reject pieces of canon we've been given, which were supplied more in service of Mike's story than of El's.

And that makes Robin, Erica, and Kali all far more interesting characters to me, despite every instinct I have that El really really really SHOULD be who I gravitate to.

[lucky-sevens]

on aurora

aurora! she’s 1. the love of my life 2. incredible i care her and finally 3. all her lore is a mess. recently, i’ve been bothered by the lack of aurora-centric fics- there’s a few, but they’re all nastyaurora- but i’ve realized that’s not really a fault of the fandom! aurora is difficult to write and hard to learn things about! so, i’ve decided to make this meta on her!

it has two sections; history, which is more lore-focused red stringing, and characterization, which gathers some of her canon thoughts and reactions on things in an attempt to help people write her.

a large amount of this is based on things maki has said on the discord, which are both partially secret and of dubious canonicity, so please keep that in mind! (and assume that when a source is not cited, that is the reason).

in addition, i have written the aurora’s wiki page, which includes a list of physical features! this is helpful for anything set onboard.

history

terra

aurora was born as a moon! moons being weaponized is apparently a thing that happens, so that’s likely how she’s a ship now, but the physics of all this are very strange. she seems to have grown up in the same way as a human, meeting carmilla as a baby and jonny and nastya when she was older. importantly, she was sentient as a moon, and this is before she had any sort of programmed ai! she wasn’t capable of speaking at that point, but that may have just been because of her very young age.

aurora and dr carmilla have known each other for a very long time. extrapolating from things maki has said, we can assume that aurora was a moon of terra, carmilla’s home planet. maki has implied in the discord that 1. terra used to have two moons and 2. carmilla blew the other one up; that, combined with ‘i raised an orphan’ and a few other messages, could suggest that carmilla did the moon equivalent of killing aurora’s parent. perhaps because of this, carmilla took it upon herself to raise aurora. however, aurora is not a mechanism. as a alternative theory (though not a mutually exclusive one) there are a few messages about carmilla ‘creating life’ in discussions of aurora; we know carmilla didn’t assist with aurora’s birth, but it’s possible, as they are moons, that rather than already being there aurora was created from one of the fragments of the moon carmilla destroyed.

cyberia

we don’t know what happened between aurora and carmilla that made them separate, or how aurora ended up in cyberia; however, we know quite a lot about what happened there.

a large amount of it can be found in the fiction ‘the ghost in the machine’. the first thing there that i will address is that aurora’s sentience was actively inhibited rather than increased by her programming. as noted above, we know she was sentient as a moon, and the fiction repeatedly pushed that cyberia did not have fully fledged artificial intelligences, or if they did did not treat them as people. she is also said to have ‘hard-coded inorganic response patterns‘ coded into her, which are likely things similar to the toy soldier’s compulsion to follow orders. needless to say, that was most likely not a good situation for her to be in. it’s difficult to speak on this without getting too far into my headcanons, but my thoughts are that she was very dehumanized, most likely turned into a warship against her will, and the one person who cared a small bit more about her only did so as a project/experiment, which is equally as bad.

speaking of which, let’s discuss that! we meet aurora’s programmer, specialist 278 tereshkova, in ghost in the machine, where her distress call serves as the titular ghost. (i’m not going to summarize the actual fiction- it’s 1152 words and quite well written, if you want to read it!) the one direct line we have about her relationship with aurora is this- ‘[Aurora’s] software engineers never needed art either, although Specialist 278 Tereshkova thought of programming like lacework.‘, which suggests that 1. tereshkova had a bit more focus/care on aurora specifically but 2. still viewed her in a dehumanizing lens and likely contributed to aurora’s suffering. this is supported by the fact that aurora did not talk about her or attempt to help her when she was dying on the ship.

we actually have a large amount of information about who tereshkova was as a person! this is because she coded the mechanisms’ blog, (as in specifically, the wordpress one with posts archived on their website) and in a way that makes her personality show. well, what is her personality, you may ask? ...incredibly passive-aggressive and annoying. it’s so funny i love it. (’tales of the blogbot’) (sample blog post). we know the mechs are able to reprogram it, though with difficulty (1 / 2), and nastya actually mentions communicating with it (x), which goes unaddressed. 

joining the mechanisms

moving on: when jonny and carmilla go to cyberia, carmilla tasks him with stealing aurora. (’how the aurora was won’). this could be because carmilla recognizes aurora; in fact, getting her back could have been the entire reason why they went to cyberia in the first place, with nastya being a bonus.

the aurora is most likely based upon the historical ship of the same name. (wikipedia). said ship fired the first shot of the october revolution, signalling the assault on the winter palace. this is the revolution nastya died in (both historical anastasia and mechs nastya, though i’m referring to the latter here). this suggests, because jonny stole her from the cyberian navy rather than revolutionists, that jonny and/or carmilla decided to fight in the revolution. this ties in with the theory that carmilla was purposefully sabotaging the mechanisms’ past lives (i have not written on this and do not plan to, but it’s a fairly common one) or it could also be viewed as several other things, including them just finding it a fun idea. this is contradicted by ghost in the machine, in which tereshkova says that an already supposed-to-be dead nastya was one of the people boarding the ship- however, that bit of ghost in the machine does not line up with any of the other canon.

characterization

any attempt to tell people how to write her is obviously going to be dependent on my own personal views and headcanons, but i’ve tried to compile as much canon as possible to let people make their own decisions.

in ‘the aurora strikes’, aurora is the one who advocates for the mechanisms to help briar rose. there’s an additional line in ouat(is) live, ‘she cannot bear to see another biomechanical organism in pain’, that points to her being sympathetic towards briar rose, and/or having high empathy. (it’s important to note here that empathy and sympathy are not synonyms- empathy is literally feeling someone else’s emotions to some degree, and so aurora having high empathy would be a slightly more literal take on that line). either way, she makes the mechanisms help briar rose, pointing to her being more compassionate/having more morals than most of the other mechanisms.

the fiction ‘a bedtime story’ is the one with the largest amount of dialogue from aurora. the main thing we can learn about her character here, besides the physical features of the ship, is what her speech patterns are like. they’re a bit strange, and read very much like an ai is speaking. in addition, we know aurora is comfortable enough around nastya to let nastya edit her programming, which given the cyberia section above could definitely be interpreted as a big deal.

this facebook post is interesting, because in the comments we learn aurora’s reaction to nastya leaving to destroy cyberia. (if you didn’t know about that bit of nastya’s story, ‘drive the cold winter away’ is here and ‘cyberian demons’ is here.) we don’t know if aurora was aware of nastya’s plan, though she likely was, but either way, her response was to become quiet and stay very cagey about it. 

edit: a few small points i forgot! aurora has a voice + can communicate with the crew beyond nastya (ghost in the machine) and apparently has the same amount/brand of chaos as nastya (discord messages).

there isn’t too much else on what aurora’s like, given that she’s not an actual band member, but these three things are a good starting point. i could find a few more, but at that point it would just be a compilation of links to very minor mentions or bits of dialogue that don’t give very much of an actual insight to aurora’s character.

thank you for reading! aurora is one of my favorite characters and i hope to see more fic about her in the future!

[mybeautifulchristianjourney]

Devotional Hours Within the Bible

by J.R. Miller

The Parable of the Tares (Matthew 13:24-30 and Matthew 13:36-43)

The sower is Christ Himself. He always sows good seed in His field. When he was living here in this world, He went up and down the country, dropping the words of life wherever He found a bit of heart-soil that would receive them. It is wonderful to think of the blessings which have come to the world through the words of Christ. They have changed millions of lives from sinfulness to holiness. They have comforted sorrow. They have guided lives through the world's perplexed paths. They have been like lamps for the feet of countless pilgrims.

In this parable, however, Christians themselves are the seeds. "The good seed stands for the sons of the kingdom." Everyone who has received into his heart the grace of God, becomes himself a living seed. Wherever a good seed grows, it springs up into a plant or a tree. Every good life has its unconscious influence, diffusing blessings, making all the life about it sweeter. Then it yields fruit. Paul talks about the fruit of the Spirit in the lives of those who receive the Spirit - love, joy, peace, long-suffering. There are also fruits in the activities of the Christian life, in the words one speaks, in the things one does, in the touches of life upon life.

We here come upon the truth of an Evil One who is in the world, an enemy, of Christ, marring or destroying Christ's work. The Bible does not tell us about the origin of evil - but it everywhere takes for granted that there is a kingdom of evil, at the head of which is the great enemy of God and man. Evil is not dropped accidentally into lives or homes or communities. The bad work is done designedly. "But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away."

People sometimes wish that there was no evil in the world. But, unfortunately, the feet of the Adversary go in every path. He is always watching for opportunities to steal in and do mischievous work while no one is watching. He is represented here as coming by night when good people are asleep. Our hours of greatest peril, are those in which we are least conscious of peril. What can we do to protect ourselves in these unsheltered, unwatched times? If a man knows that a thief is coming, he will be on the watch. But the thief does not come then - he comes when he knows that no one is watching. How can we keep ourselves safe from the dangers we know not of? All we can do is to keep our lives ever in the hands of the sleepless Christ .

We are in danger of underestimating the enmity of Satan, and the evil wrought by his sowing. His own distinct purpose is to destroy the work of Christ. Whenever any good seed has been sown in a heart, he comes and tries to get some bad seed in among it. He whispers his evil suggestions in our ears, even while we are reading our Bible, praying, or partaking of the Lord's Supper. The devil is far more busy among good people than among bad. Those who are wholly given over to sin - he can afford to let alone - they are safely his already; but those who are trying to be Christian, he seeks to destroy.

Young people need to guard against the baleful evil which seeks entrance in vile books and papers, in indecent conversation or unchaste pictures. When an officer in General Grant's presence was about to tell an obscene story, he glanced about him and said, "There are no ladies present." The general promptly answered, "But there are gentlemen present." Nothing that should not be said in the presence of a lady - should be said in any presence.

In the early stages of growth, the tare or darnel, is so much like wheat - that the two can scarcely be distinguished. Evil in its first beginnings is so much like good that it is often mistake for it. By and by, however, as they grow, the true character of the tares is revealed. Seeds of evil sown in a heart may not for a while make much of a manifestation. A child under wrong influences or teachings, may for a time seem very innocent and beautiful - but at length the sinful things will show themselves and will shoot up in strength. Many a man falls into ruin at mid-life, through bad habits which he began to form when he was a boy! The time for young people to keep their hearts against evil is in the time of their youth.

The farmer's servants wished to clean out the tares before they had come to ripeness. The farmer said, however: "No, you would do more harm than good if you began to do this. Wait until the harvest, and then we will separate the tares and the wheat." Good men must live among the evil in this world. Sometimes they grow together in the same home, or in the same group of friends, or are associated in the same business, dwelling in constant communication and association. Even in the apostle family, there was one traitor. Besides the impossibility of making a separation, there is a reason why the evil should remain - the hope that they may be influenced by the good and may yet themselves be changed into holiness. Every Christian should be an evangelist, eager in his desire and effort to bring others into the kingdom of God.

In Old Testament days, God tolerated many evils like polygamy, divorce, blood revenge, and did not root them out at once because the people were not then ready for such heroic work. We are not to grow lenient and tolerant toward sin - but we are to be wise in our effort in rooting it out. Especially must we be forbearing and patient toward the sinner. If our neighbor has faults - we are not to rush at him with both hands and begin to claw up the tares by the roots. We must be patient with his faults, meanwhile doing all we can by love and by influence to cure him of them. We are never to lower our own standard of morality, nor to make compromise with evil; we must be severe with ourselves; but in trying to make the world better - we need much of the wise patience of Christ.

There will be at last a complete separation between the good and the evil. Hypocrites may remain in the Church in this world and may die in its membership and have a royal burial - but they cannot enter heaven. This solemn word should lead all professors to honest and earnest self-examination. Are we wheat - or are we tares? The same law applies to the good and the evil in our own lives. In the holiest character, there are some things not beautiful. In the worst men - there are some things that are fair and to be commended. But in the end the separation will be complete and final.

When the disciples had an opportunity of speaking to the Master alone, they asked Him what this parable meant. "Explain unto us the parable of the tares of the field." That is what we should always do with our difficulties concerning the teaching of Christ, and with all perplexities concerning our duty as Christians - we should take them all to the Master himself. Some things may be explained to us at once by careful reading and study of Christ's teaching. Some things that once were obscure and hard to understand, become very plain as we go on; experience reveals them to us. Then the office of the Holy Spirit is to guide us into all truth.

Some people talk about this world - as if it belonged to the devil. Indeed, Satan himself said that all the kingdoms of the world were his. It looks sometimes, too, as if this were true. But really this is Christ's world. After His resurrection Jesus Christ sent His disciples forth into all the world, claiming it, bidding them go everywhere to make disciples of all the nations.

Jesus taught plainly that there is a personal spirit of evil, called the devil. He says here distinctly, "The enemy that sowed them is the devil ." The devil is the enemy of Christ. No sooner had Jesus been baptized, than Satan began his assaults upon Him, seeking to overcome Him and destroy Him. Satan is the enemy also of every Christian. He takes the utmost delight in getting his poison into the lives of Christ's followers. Sometimes people think that they can play with evil and not be harmed - but it is always perilous play, and everyone who thus ventures, will surely be hurt. One great comfort we have in thinking of Satan as the enemy of souls and our enemy - is that Christ overcame him at every point. While Satan is our enemy, strong and alert - he is a vanquished enemy. We cannot ourselves stand against him - but with Christ's help, we can stand. "In all these things we are more than conquerors, through Him who loved us!" (Romans 8:37).

[sanktere]

nightshade!!! :)

✧   //    flower and tree prompts.  /  @sheerempathy

——  nightshade : what is a painful truth your character has had to face?

through his life, there’s been quite a few, but one of the most recent and likely one of the most difficult for lucius to come to terms with was the truth that there was so little he could do to help raven after the fall of house cornwell.

mun note: i’ve done my best here to speak only from my lucius interpretation’s point of view and avoid coming down hard on assumptions, but @basiliphis please weigh in if you feel like i’ve misrepresented anything here!

for one who wants so much to do what he can to make the world a little bit of a better place, and who ( in my hc ) was brought into service under house cornwell not because of his strength of character or combat ability but because he wanted to be a safe harbor for others, it was incredibly difficult to realize that he could only do so much for the one person he was supposed to provide that for above all others.

in the 2 years after the fall of house cornwell, raven obviously gets deep into a spiral of pain and aggression and hatred, and very little to none of lucius’ attempts to soothe and reason get through to him if what little the game script gives us is any indication. their support conversations seem to suggest that raven probably interpreted a lot of these attempts as lucius misunderstanding or pitying him, and i’d be willing to bet that the resulting altercations probably widened a rift between them. during lyn’s story when we first meet lucius, he’s also traveling by himself for reasons unknown, and while there’s no evidence of this in canon, it’s possible this temporary separation could be the result of a fallout from this tension.

in any case, while lucius of course always comes back to and sticks by raven anyway no matter how the other treats him, one can imagine that he’s probably tried everything he can think of to attempt to help him, to little avail. one can also imagine that raven’s attitude about how nothing matters more to him than this revenge and how he’s willing to die for it if that’s what it takes is also really hard for him to stomach. stuff like raven’s final battle quote ( “if i die here... so be it.” ) are likely really difficult for lucius to hear, whether or not raven means them to sound as nihilistic as lucius interprets them. 

and sometimes we get glimpses of how all this affects him:

Caelin Soldier: “Your master… He’s betrayed us. Lucius, I must ask. What will you do?”

Lucius: “I… I want to stop Lord Raven. However… In his current state, I…doubt he will lend me his ear. And so…I will…wait. I will wait for Lord Raven here. I’m sorry… I cannot fight. …Please understand.”

of course lucius is a passive person by nature, but i think this moment speaks to a little more than just that. he’s just seen raven not only bully and threaten in pursuit of his revenge, but throw aside all his ethics, morals, and loyalties for a chance to kill one man, and on top of that, also won’t let lucius do his job as his vassal and come with him while he does it. more than just his usual unwillingness to make waves, this moment seems to suggest for lucius a deeply conflicted hopelessness. he’s at his wits’ end after once again seeing raven so deep in the grips of the worst side of himself and being unable to do anything about it. so he’ll just wait like he’s been told, and pray that he at least comes back. he also has a tendency throughout his dialogue of getting a lot more profilic with ellipses, particularly ellipses in the middle of his sentences, when he’s really struggling or upset, as opposed to his default brand of soft-spoken, so that’s also influenced my interpretation here.

i think by the time of their C support, lucius has already realized that there’s very little he can do besides be a broken record and speak his same opinions over and over again, and that the change and healing that raven needs can really only come from himself. that the most he can do for him is to stay by his side no matter what as long as raven will have him there and just keep praying. this truth is an immeasurably tough pill for him to swallow.

[lesbianrobin]

Do you think the fandom exaggerates Steve's daddy issues? As someone who likes talking about his family life a lot I personally think its a 50-50 situation, because he does seem to have a strained relationship with his dad but based on whatever very little info is canon about his father its hard to tell if its because his dad is really neglectful or if hes actually a well meaning but strict dad whos spoilt son doesnt get him. I wanna know your thoughts about it.

So to start off: Thank you for sending this ask! It’s a fun question.

I wouldn’t personally use the term “exaggerate” in this situation, because it implies to me the twisting of canon events for dramatic effect. In the case of Steve and his father, we don't have much that is actually canon, and the canon that we do have leaves room for a wide range of possible scenarios. Rather than exaggerating Steve’s daddy issues, I think that it’s more accurate to say that people are choosing whichever interpretation of canon best suits their own personal desire. Some of these interpretations are more dramatic than others, but for the most part, they tend to be within the realm of canon possibility.

First, let’s go over what we actually have in canon.

Steve's mother doesn't trust his father not to cheat. Tommy says she shouldn’t trust him, which tells us that Steve’s father has cheated in the past. Tommy’s the one who says it, which tells us that either Mr. Harrington’s infidelity is an open secret in Hawkins, or Steve found out about his dad’s cheating at some point in his life and vented about it to his friends.

During the party in S1, Tommy and Carol go up to Steve’s mom’s room. Not his parents’ room, but his mom’s, meaning that their marriage has been rocky for long enough that they have established separate bedrooms in the house. Steve tells them they can go use her room as long as they change the sheets and Tommy/Carol mention that the room has a fireplace, meaning that since the establishment of separate bedrooms, his parents have gone out of town enough times for Tommy and Carol to be familiar with his mother’s room and know where her spare bedsheets are.

At first, Steve is more worried about getting in trouble with his dad than he is about Barb. Later, when he goes to apologize to Nancy for this attitude, he tells her that he did get in trouble with his dad. He’s still able to move about Hawkins freely and he seems to be physically and emotionally fine, so we don’t know what getting in trouble with his father entails, besides the fact that he either isn’t grounded or he’s disobeying his father to go see Nancy.

Steve spends Christmas with the Wheelers rather than with his own family. This isn’t a big point, maybe his family doesn’t celebrate, or it was a “spend the 24th with these people and the 25th with these other people” situation, but it’s also a possible indicator of extreme tension and distance within his family.

Steve’s only comments about his father have been negative, calling him an asshole or a douchebag. He only speaks about his father in reference to punishments and the fact that he could “work for his dad” after high school, presumably in some sort of office job or profession, an offer that his father turns out to not extend as evidenced by Steve’s minimum wage job hunting in S3.

Most importantly to personal interpretation of their relationship: Steve is the only main character in S1-S2 whose parents we never see. The only other underage character whose parents we haven’t met is Robin, who’s only been in one season so far and whose family life hasn’t been referenced. The fact that we never see Steve’s parents in the course of three seasons (during which Steve gets incredibly visibly injured three separate times and spends entire nights away from home on multiple occasions) fosters a sense of distance, even if it's unintentional on the writers’ part, and implies that they are very uninvolved in him and his life. 

Cheating on a partner doesn’t automatically make you terrible at being a parent, but it doesn’t indicate strong morals and implies that Steve’s dad isn’t as committed to his family as he should be. Steve’s parents are sleeping in separate rooms and Steve knows about his dad’s infidelity, which implies that his parents either don’t try or don’t do a very good job of keeping their marital issues from affecting him.

Getting in trouble with his dad might mean just getting a stern parental talking-to, or it could mean some form of emotional/psychological abuse, or some classic 80s corporal punishment, or perhaps Steve got grounded and was actually digging himself a deeper hole by running around town to see Nancy, Carol, and Tommy. We don’t know! They’re all possible! All we have to go on is Steve’s word. Maybe Steve is just a spoiled teenager who gets pissy when he has to face consequences. Maybe his dad is neglectful, or cruel, or maybe he’s just a middle-of-the-road dad who sometimes sucks and is trying his best.

The thing is that, as viewers, we don’t know Steve’s dad, but we do know Steve. We know that S1 Steve was a little sad and pathetic, and he hung around with friends who he knew were assholes because he wanted to be popular and cool. We’ve seen Steve spend over 48 hours away from home (hunting Dart with Dustin in S2, the elevator situation in S3) without ever mentioning that he has to lie to his parents or that they might be concerned about him. We’ve seen him get his ass beaten to hell and back without any adults ever taking a second to ask if he’s okay. We’ve heard him call his dad an asshole and a douchebag. 

I think that the writers probably intend for Steve’s dad to be a pretty “normal” dad, just a little too strict and not quite involved enough in his son’s life, or they intend for Steve to sound like an ungrateful spoiled kid. These interpretations, however, are a bit charitable to a character we’ve never met at the expense of invalidating the perception of a character we know and love. They’re perfectly valid interpretations! Steve is a spoiled rich kid! It’s also completely reasonable, though, to choose less charitable interpretations.

Since our only information about this character is negative and we never actually meet him, we have no way of invalidating or refuting Steve’s perception of his father. All we really know is that Steve doesn’t like or respect him, that he cheats on his wife, and that he’s rich, which is plenty to then extrapolate that he’s an incredibly shitty dude,and boom, we’re writing emo fics all about Steve’s extreme daddy issues!

[nobodyfamousposts]

You know I was watching a video by overly sarcastic productions and I’m pretty sure that from that definition Adrien is a Mary Sue. The episode was Trope Talks: Mary Sues.

Pretty much Adrien is this to a T.

I hear people throwing the term around a lot and complaining about the term being thrown around a lot but I think what ends up being missed is what actually constitutes a Mary Sue in the first place.

A Mary Sue is not a character who is overpowered or “too strong” like the complaints about Captain Marvel. If that was true, then literally every anime protagonist or super hero that exists is a Mary Sue by default. Every one. Ever.

Nor is it someone with a tragic backstory like Batman or any other long line of superheroes or anime protagonists. Whether it’s dead parents, a past trauma, abuse, bullying, or just a conga line of horrible circumstances, plenty of characters have had bad things happen to them. That’s kind of part of life and what makes them relatable and sympathetic.

It’s not even someone who is loved by many people. Or is a good judge of character. Or whom manages to talk someone into a heel-face turn. Regardless of what claims may come, these are not what make a character a Mary Sue.

What makes a Mary Sue—the central core aspect of what makes a character problematic all boils down to how the narrative itself treats the character.

The narrative is generally indicative of the author’s own preferences or leanings. We see it all the time with stories that create straw characters to symbolize people the author doesn’t like or things the author doesn’t agree with in order to belittle it. The opposite can just as easily occur where a character or position is hyped up to look better or promote what the author wants promoted.

Those previously mentioned tropes are a sign of that. For a Mary Sue, everything from powers to past traumas to relationships are all just “things“ for the character to have. Whether to emphasize their importance or to highlight their greatness. While they’re not necessarily what automatically makes a character a Mary Sue, they are often utilized as tools by the narrative for the sake of propping the character that is a Sue. That’s why they’re easy to pick out and attribute to a Mary Sue as well as used to claim characters are Sues. Because they are tools used to try to make people support a character instead of actually making a character people can like and WANT to support.

A Mary Sue is given powers for the sake of making the character awesome without the character actually doing anything to be awesome. A Mary Sue is is given a tragic backstory for the sake of making the character sympathetic without the character actually doing anything to warrant sympathy. A Mary Sue is given relationships for the sake of being the center of attention and adoration by other characters to shell how awesome they are without having to do anything to show how or why anyone would or should actually like them. Any relationships a Mary Sue has are NOT legitimate connections between two or more people, they’re just labels to slap on the Mary Sue to make the character seem more relevant and important.

Ultimately, a Mary Sue supplants the story for the sake of having this character BE the story, and it’s a major reason why they are despised in most fandoms. A reason that, sad to say, was actually deserved in the early days of fan works.

That said…

Adrien IS a prime example of a Mary Sue because of the way the narrative is going out of its way to portray him. Even the creator has come out and said he is “perfect” and that any flaw he could have isn’t actually on him so much as an indication of something being wrong with the world around him. Anything bad that happens, even as a direct result of that character’s own actions, is portrayed as being the fault of anyone and everyone else but that character, in this case Adrien. That, RIGHT THERE is pretty much the epitome of what a Mary Sue IS.

Some call it an ego trip. Some call it a power fantasy. Many consider it as a sort of reality warper. It’s ultimately the case when the story is being turned in on itself to make this character look good without the character actually DOING anything to BE good and even when the character is specifically doing things that AREN’T good.

This is why Bella Swan from Twilight is a certifiable Mary Sue.

This is why it can be argued that Rey from Star Wars is a Mary Sue.

This is why Anita Blake is definitely a Mary Sue.

And this is what separates Adrien from Marinette. And Adrien from pretty much everyone else in the series.

It’s not that he has superpowers—if anything, I think he got cheated in the powers department, all things considered. No, it’s the way he doesn’t seem to take those powers or the responsibilities that come with them seriously. Given that he has had THREE instances already in which he threw a major fit in the middle of an akuma battle because he wasn’t happy about something only for him to be shown as being RIGHT to do so even to the detriment of his partner, his Miraculous, and ultimately all of Paris.

It’s not that he has a missing mom and a neglectful dad, it’s how the narrative keeps emphasizing how sad Adrien is without actually DOING anything with it so they can milk the “Sadrien” angle. Because let’s face it, seeing Adrien looking sad sells.

It’s not that he has multiple girls who like him. I mean, he’s a model, and is rich and famous. I’d be surprised if he didn’t have multiple girls who were into him.

No, it’s in the over the top emphasis of his supposed greatness. It’s in this consistent impression the narrative is giving that the female lead we are supposed to be rooting for—whom we all KNOW has gone well out of her way to do things for him, try to make him happy even to her own detriment, and has struggled more than any rational person should be willing to just to try confessing to the guy is somehow the one side of the love square that “isn’t trying hard enough”.

It’s in the way he is always portrayed as being the “moral voice” and the one in the right in any situation regardless of how little he’s involved or even understands what’s going on. Whether it was lecturing people on how to deal with a bully or for being happy when their bully was leaving (when he was never actually a target of that bully). Or lecturing people on how to deal with a liar (when again, he wasn’t the one being played or threatened). Or threatening to quit when Paris was flooded by an akuma all because he wasn’t being told secrets that he wasn’t showing he was ready to know and that his tantrum CERTAINLY didn’t show he was ready or mature enough for.

It’s in the back and forth on whether he is supposed to be the epitome of “perfection” and the wise person everyone should listen to only to suddenly be made out as the innocent victim of everyone else when his less than noble or heroic behaviors are pointed out in order to excuse or justify his behaviors. (I call it the Standard Adrien Defense and it follows this trend each time.)

It’s in the clear and blatant double standard between what Adrien/Chat is allowed to do and get away with vs what is allowed from anyone else. It’s in the way that Adrien can do things that anyone can agree is wrong without getting so much as a lecture but anyone else in his place will—and have been raked over the coals by the same narrative that gives him the equivalent of a pat on the head and a cookie.

It’s in the way he’s just…there. He has the plot connections. He has the relevance. He has the position of being at the center of quite literally everything from the villain’s plans and motivations to the adoration of the female lead…and he does NOTHING with any of it.

And it’s in the way that no matter what he does or what side he takes, the narrative always ALWAYS frames him as being the one in the right when there’s a conflict, the one to sympathize with when he and another character are hurt, and the one we as the audience are supposed to agree with and support more in any situation.

And the truly sad thing is that Adrien as a character has potential. From a humorous character to a serious one, from the wise and introspective person to the wide-eyed innocent being thrown into the hero job, there was SO MUCH that could have been done with his character. Instead, Adrien is reactionary. Anything involving him is less a matter of what he personally is doing and more about what is being done to or for him. He has no dreams or aspirations other than being with the main female character, has no interests to speak of, and his other relationships actually seem pretty lacking—again, based less on what HE’S doing and more on what other people are doing to and/or for HIM. He somehow has a wide-ranging impact without actually taking action.

As it stands, Canon Adrien is about as real as the cardboard cutout or wax statue of him. To the point he might as well be either for all that he actually seems to accomplish. Because nothing annoys fans or creates salt quite like wasted potential, and that’s all canon Adrien is at this point.

That’s why Fandom Adrien is awesome, whether he’s portrayed as being dense as a brick, showing a polite exterior while internally screaming, acting like a massive dork, or just acting passive aggressive in how he deals with his father and people like Chloe or Lila. Because however way he’s being made to deal with the crazy situations the fans put him in, he’s at least doing SOMETHING besides standing there and looking pretty for people to fawn/fight over.

Strangely enough, this may be the first case I’ve seen where fans have taken a Mary Sue and made him a real character rather than the other way around.

[multmilk]

Strawberries and Cigarettes | l.t

Pairing: idol!Taeyong x idol!reader

Genre: angst

Warnings: Use of cigars/smoking, character death, a bit of smut

Word count: 2.6k

He was from SM and you were from JYP. He was a member of 3 boy groups and you were a solo artist. His genre was more of pop while you make rnb. The two of you were working on opposite sides of the world so when you received the news that the two of you were collaborating, you were bewildered.

Now you were sitting alone inside a coffee shop waiting for Taeyong. You knew he was a talented man—a rapper, a composer and a hell of a good dancer. You’ve watched a lot of fancams out of pure curiosity and you were surprised that you had the pleasure of getting to work with him.

“Y/N?” a rich and foreign voice said, looking up at him you felt your heart skip a beat at his appearance. His hair was brown and it had some streaks of gray to it, it was a little disheveled but it still looked good. He was wearing a black long-sleeved shirt that made the veins in his hands more prominent, a dangling earing on his ear that added more charisma to him.

“I’m Lee Taeyong,” he smiled. Ooooh fuck he looks good, his voice sent shivers down your spine. You gestured for him to sit down across of you. This is going to be interesting, you thought.

----

It’s been a month since the two of you worked together. You mostly worked in his apartment, though his members lived there with him, they respected you and treated you like their family. They leave when the two of you work so that you could focus and they wouldn’t create ruckus.

You weren’t fully comfortable with him yet and you know he felt the same way too. You always sat on the edge of his bed while he sat on his chair across you. It was hard to work with someone so new, someone who’s a stranger. You had to be careful with every step you take—and although that being cautious is good, it’s difficult to not voice out your ideas to him because you’re afraid of him judging of what you thought.

You two were working on an album that focuses on the issues of society today. You had two solo songs, he had two solo songs and then there were two songs that features the both of you.

Your first song tackles about the beauty standards of men and women of our generation. How men aren’t allowed to wear make-up because it makes them look more feminine and how women should have this petite figure and if they don’t look what society expects them to look like, they do not belong in this place.

Your next song focuses on gender roles. Women can have a job that is expected to supposedly be for men and vice versa. Also, how people should be respected no matter their chose of job. Whether they are sex workers, drag queens or a waitress—each should be treated equally.

Taeyong’s first song is about corruption in politics and the politicians that don’t uphold the values and  morals of a good leader and how in turn, makes a country incompetent and their people ignorant.  

His next song is about the challenges faced by the mass. Poverty, treated unequally, high medicine fee and all things in between. What the two of you have worked on alone is a masterpiece.

Right now you were stuck inside his room, diverting your attention towards anything but making the music together. You’ve asked him for help and he did that but working on two whole songs together just seems a bit out of your comfort zone.

“What about pizza?” he asks “I don’t think pizza is a good top-“ you got cut off with his laugh. It was a hearty one too, not the chuckles you hear he lets go once you accidentally do or say something funny.

“I meant maybe you want me to get a pizza delivered? Maybe it’ll help remove this,” he gestured to the space between us, “Tension?” you just laughed, probably because you felt stupid and embarrassed for not catching his drift but you agreed to get pizza.

You and Taeyong are now seated on each side of his bed sharing a box of pizza. For the past hour, you two have been sharing stories and jokes like childhood friends catching up. You’ve learned that he has a passion for understanding arts, he’s really good at playing video games and he likes listening to Drake.

Neither of you initiated to start working on your songs but you liked the time you were using to get to know him. He was kind, gentle and warm.

There were numerous spotlights surrounding Taeyong. The photographer asked him to try different poses and to relax but for some reason, his shoulders were too tense and his hands were shaking a bit. You and Taeyong started hanging around a lot when you two decided to write your music. You two hung out in his apartment where his members stay and spend time with the two of you, you hung out in the convenience store eating ice cream and telling jokes. You didn’t have many friends in the music industry and now you consider Taeyong as your best friend.

He looked good, you thought. He was sporting a gold glittered blazer with a black top beneath it, 3 layered chokers and he was wearing the dangling earrings you loved so much on him.

You walked towards Taeyong and said, “Yong, look at me,” he let out a breathy laugh but kept his head down. Putting your fingers under his chin and tilting his head upwards you ask, “What’s wrong?” he closes his eyes and exhales “I smell strawberries,” your eyes widened at his statement. “S-strawberries?” “Yes, strawberries,” he then looks at your eyes and continues “Before my best friend died, she asked me to fetch her strawberries. So, I went to the hospital and see her having a seizure. Doctors were all around her, her boyfriend was frantic and I dropped the jar of strawberry jam. It was the last time I ever associated myself with the fruit,” then he laughs. You apologize and say that it probably was your perfume but he tucks your hair behind your ear and says that it was fine.

This whole time you were talking the photographer took candid photos of you and Taeyong and claimed that it was good for the album cover already. Taeyong kisses your cheek and feel blush creep in on your face.

You were going to sleep well today.

---

The both of you were in Amsterdam to film your music video. You were dressed in a black laced bustier top paired with black flared pants and Taeyong is wearing a white button up top.

It’s been an hour of filming and Taeyong has been showering you with compliments. Your relationship has gotten to the point where you two flirt shamelessly and honestly, you didn’t have any complaints.

As the crew and directors all were huddled to talk about the next scene, you were out smoking looking at the museums and buildings surrounding you.

“You didn’t tell me you smoked,” Taeyong stalks toward you and keeps his hands inside of his pockets. “You never asked. Want to join me?” “No thanks. I quit after she died,” you nod.

“Do you believe in heaven and in hell?” you ask and then he stands beside you, “Move away from me Yong, you’re going to get cancer from second-hand smoking you know,” “I believe that if we die, we’re just going to live a life with eternal darkness and quietness and loneliness,” he answers your question and ignores your previous statement. “I do believe in God, yes, but if we die and then that’s it. Do you believe in it?” he asks, “I believe that we do go to heaven or hell based on the actions and choices we’ve made in our borrowed time living here,” you say.

“What separates the people who will enter heaven to those who will enter hell? I mean, humans make pretty bad and wrong decisions. If hurting a person, unintentionally and intentionally, is just the basis for us to live a life in paradise or in damnation then I guess we’re all fucked huh?” you both laugh. You throw your cigarette to the trash can near you and stick your hand out for Taeyong to hold.

---

The first time you and him kissed was after your comeback stage.

It was hot, it was messy and you felt like flying. He told you you tasted like strawberries mixed with the after-taste of cigars. You just laugh and continue kissing down his neck.

He tugged at your hair and removed the strap off of your dress. You got on your knees and unbuckled his belt.

As the night went further and your relationship progressed, he had told you that he loves you and that you indeed smell like strawberries. And as much as he dislikes the fruit and what comes with it, if loving you means he has to smell and taste like strawberries for the rest of his life then so be it.

You slept with a smile on your face, head on Taeyong’s chest and his arms caging you for protection.

---

You were hysterical.

You had rushed Taeyong into the ER as soon as your comeback stage had ended. You were supposed to go out and celebrate with him, announce the tour you were having but all your plans had ended once you saw the he had coughed up blood and was having a hard time breathing.

Machines and tubes were stuck in his body, his unconscious body. You held his hand for the longest time that day and you weren’t planning on letting go.

You woke up with Taeyong speaking to the doctor and you saw that they were having a serious conversation. “Taeyong?” he looks at you, a little startled. He ushers the doctor to leave and says to you, “Hey, you should go back to sleep,” you ask what the doctor said and he just simply says that it was a bad bad bad case of food poisoning. You were apprehensive but you didn’t want to push it any further, he needed his rest after all.

That was the first mistake you made.

---

The second mistake was smoking around him. You wanted to stop but it had helped you through the sleepless nights and when you were overthinking.

The third mistake was pushing through with the tour. It was his idea, saying it was the least you two could do for your fans but it was your fault for supporting it.

The last straw was watching him being taken away by the paramedics and staying kneeled and glued to the stage as they rushed him into the hospital.

You arrived seeing doctors moving everywhere and getting paddles and shouting ‘clear’. You couldn’t stand to watch him as they revived his body. So, you took your pack of cigarettes and went outside.

By the time you finished three sticks, you decided to see how Taeyong was doing. Every step you took felt like it weighed tons, like your world was crashing but seeing and hearing the doctors call the time of his death? You felt that the world has ended.

You were screaming and crying and questioning everything and anything. You screamed and screamed until your cries had taken over and seeing Taeyong lying on his bed cold and lifeless, it shattered you.

---

Months after his death, you continued on with the tour.

Today, you were in Amsterdam and was about to finish the last song.

Right before you sung though, Taeyong’s voice rung around the concert hall. Everyone was quiet.

“Hey Y/N. If you’re hearing this it means that I’ve died. I have a few things to say so please listen.

From the first day I met you, I knew that I was going to fall in love with you but the minute I smelt your strawberry scent? I knew I had to distance myself,” he laughs.

“It was hard to though. It was the boys who pushed me to hang out with you more. It would benefit our work after all. Hence, the pizza mistaken as a song topic incident. From that moment on, I found myself liking you much more than I intended to.

Fast forward to all of our shared jokes and stories. Late night ice-cream stops at the convenience store. Breakfast dates. Coffee-stained sweaters and deep conversations while you smoked.

I knew that I fell in love with you the moment that your lips brushed mine. It was special, magical, felt like I was floating on cloud nine. I just let myself fall deeper until the moment you rushed me into the ER when I coughed up blood.

I needed you to stay away from me because I knew that it would happen. I am sorry, I am very sorry, that I didn’t tell you the truth.  Maybe if I had told you the truth you would’ve really stayed away from me but I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you and hurt you.

I am a smoker. I quit because my best friend died of second-hand smoking. It was my fault she died, it was my fault I hated strawberries and it’s my fault now that I left you without ever explaining the truth about me.

I don’t want you blaming yourself for not noticing the signs or for keeping on smoking. None of this is your fault Y/N.

I just didn’t want to lose the time knowing that you’d be so cautious around me. No, I wanted us to be as normal as we could ever be. I wanted more time with you but I guess this is for the best.

You deserve so much more this world could ever offer. You are a great person with a great personality, great talents, great body and a great heart.

I want- I need you to keep on using that talent and heart to inspire people all over the world to fight. We have achieved so much together and I want you to use this pain into art.

I loved you and I will love you even if my soul ends up in a cold and dark place. I will love you even if you choose to love another guy. I know, I know that I will be in your heart and that I will always have that one piece saved specifically for me.

I love you and your cigarettes. Your strawberry-flavored perfume scent, your strawberry-flavored shampoo and your taste when I kiss you after you smoke.

Your strawberries clung on to my shirts and sweaters, and it did hurt me at first because it brought back the memories of her but you gave me a new reason to love strawberries.

I love you, Y/N,” as he sings, the whole crowd were in tears and you were sat on the stage clutching your microphone near your heart.

You smile and look up at the ‘heavens’ as he sings,

“Strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you,”

(A/N: This is my first taeyong one-shot and i hope you liked it. i tried to be very angst-y haha. please send in requests aaand feeback is always appreciated!)