#Bernie Rachelle

[badmovieihave]

Bad movie I have Inside Man 2006

[astrobei]

my take on modern will byers is that i don’t think he would be a music snob/music purist in that he refuses to listen to pop or makes fun of it or whatever but i DO think he is a Spotify Wrapped Curator and turns on a private session every time he listens to something remotely “embarrassing.” which is why, when will proudly displays his top five artists and top five songs at the end of the year, el is very confused as to how she heard jenny by studio killers playing in his room for 72 hours straight without it showing up on his end of year stats.

[berie-kat]

Art stuff that Ive done the past few days :3

I love my two sillies, and I love Jasper and Rachel so much.

[nitpickrider]

I can't tell who's trying to seduce whom here. Both of these fits are going in for the kill. Captain America 427

[princelancey]

Rachel: oh isn't that nice Lance waving to his home crowd

The other two for some fucking reason: let's make fun of him!

[thebestcomicking]

[sebeth]

The Captain's Loves

[crash476]

Conspiracies and the Problem of Peggy Carter

I bounced really hard off the Captain Carter version of Peggy Carter. For me, it felt like the triumph of her style over any quality she had as a character. I’ve spoken about this before, but I think giving Peggy dementia robbed her of her voice, unable to speak to her past, and thus providing a blank canvas for the writer and audience to use with as they will.

My biggest critique of Peggy’s fans have been this sense that they love her aesthetic and the platitudes over the substance of the character. She became 2010s girlboss. The Agent Carter series did provide the potential to further explore her as a character. It could give her a past pre-dating Steve, show the history of SHIELD, show her as a leader, and delve into the moral complexities of the MCU intelligence side. But that never happened. The show was canceled after two seasons and all we had left was a very marketable aesthetic.

We have some vague notions of what she did during her time as director of SHIELD, but nothing substantial. Then Endgame happened, Chris Evans left for other projects, and the Russos, Markus and McFeely seemed to have scrambled for a way to write out Steve. Steve’s exit seemed like an afterthought at best. As a consequence, whatever lore Peggy had in the main MCU timeline got completely thrown out. This is because Steve Rogers is a heroic paragon and his designated love interest must be above reproach. She is little more than a sexy lamp and when Captain Carter got attention in the What If... series, well she’s even more marketable now! 

The thing that gets me about Peggy’s haters is the level of reaching done to justify their dislike. I’ll get to some of my critiques on how Disney/Marvel Studios handle the espionage side of the MCU (not well). But stay with me here. I need to do some comic book history. 

The MCU Peggy Carter is an amalgamation of a number of love interests Steve’s had over his publication run. Earth-616 Peggy is a retcon love interest. She was introduced in 1966 after Steve’s book was essentially rebooted. Captain America was popular during WWII, but the initial post-war years weren’t kind to superhero comics. Atlas Comics (who later rebranded as Marvel Comics in 1961) tried to rebrand Steve from a Nazi puncher to a Commie smasher that went over like a lead balloon. His book was canceled in 1954 and Stan Lee and Jack Kirby revived Steve in 1964. They came up with the “on ice” backstory we saw in the TFA. The 50s Cap was explained as having been a succession of other characters acting as Steve, such as Jeffrey Mace (Patriot), William Naslund (Spirit of ‘76), and most infamously by William Burnside. 

Anyway, during the 50s, Bucky got shot and was replaced by Steve’s then girlfriend, Betsy Ross (then known as Betty and later goes by the code names Agent 13 and Golden Girl). She is THE original love interest and first appeared in Captain America Comics #1, published in December 1940, created by Joe Simon and Jack Kirby. She basically did everything in the 40s comics that Peggy in the 60s (and the MCU by extension) was said to have done. The reason you’ve never heard of her is because of Betty Ross Banner - The Hulk’s main love interest. 40s Betsy got retconned into a relationship with Jeffrey Mace (one of the guys who was a retconned 50s Cap) and now lives in a retirement home.

Sharon and Peggy Carter get introduced in 1966. Sharon’s got a complicated story that we don’t have time to unpack so I’ll just say, Sharon is messy and that’s good. I think it’s good that she’s the Power Broker. Steve later dated glass-blower turned lawyer Bernie Rosenthal, who was introduced in 1980. He’s had an on/off relationship with former villainess Rachel Leighton, aka Diamondback (who was introduced in 1985). And there were romances with fellow super heroines like The Black Widow, Wasp, Rogue, and The Scarlet Witch.

Now we move onto the conspiracy theory Peggy Carter haters adore: Cynthia Glass. 

Cynthia “Cindy” Glass was created in 1991 by Fabian Nicieza and Kevin Maguir for The Adventures of Captain America #1 - #4. She had four total appearances before she was killed. There was apparently a guid book for the MCU where she was mentioned as an inspiration for MCU Peggy, but I’d like to see those receipts before I make a call on the veracity of the claim. But I can see why the Peggy haters claim her as the true inspiration of MCU Peggy. Cynthia kind of looks like Hayley Atwell (if you squint) and is revealed to be a Nazi double agent who gets shot. 

Look, if you don’t like a character (and maybe their actor, too), it’s fine. Just don’t fuck with them and move on, don’t make up shit about a character being a secret Nazi when there’s no actual proof. And don’t say that Cynthia Glass was Cap’s first love when she was a clear retcon that completely contradicts previously established canon regarding Betsy Ross and Peggy Carter. Especially when anyone can look up the publication history. At most MCU Peggy kind of looks like Cynthia and met Steve just before he got the serum. The decision to keep Atwell’s brown hair could easily have come down to “she looks better as a brunette.” Film production decisions are often not that deep. 

Peggy Carter was probably the most convenient love interest to adapt for TFA. She doesn’t have Betsy’s name problem. Sharon needs to be established as being Peggy’s niece to explain why they look so similar. You need to justify a face-turn for Rachel. And the only people who know about Cynthia Glass are those who read the original limited run she was in during the early 90s as it looks like it wasn’t collected into a trade paperback until 2018. Again, film production devisions are not often not that deep.

So now we get to my critiques of how Disney/Marvel Studios have handled Peggy and just the spy genre in general. Spy fiction can vary wildly in terms of tone and just how heroic the protagonist is, but generally the genre leans towards a cynical world view. This is fueled by the author’s own politics, and by their own experiences if they worked in intelligence themselves (ie: John le Carré and Graham Greene). The genre also borrows heavily from hardboiled detectives (think the works of Raymond Chandler) and film noir. In any case, the protagonist is, at best, an anti-hero and sometimes a terrible one. The nature of intelligence work requires moral compromises, both in and out of fiction. If you actually look into how that world operates, it’s honestly more like organized crime backed by a nation’s treasury and given the fig leaf of respectability because you’re “fighting for a cause.” 

This runs headlong into the MCU retcons when it comes to Peggy. By making SHIELD older than originally implied and putting Peggy in charge during the early days, she now has a fuck ton of skeletons in her closet. The problem is that Disney will never produce anything that is critical of the US government or could be as cynical as the spy genre demands. Yes, there was Agents of SHIELD, but that show (and I say this with love) has more in common with NCIS than The Sandbaggers or Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy. Disney is too scared of biting the hand that feeds. They’re scared of getting cut off from Pentagon money. This is Disney’s lone fear, and it shows how toothless The Falcon and the Winter Soldier was. They just come up to the edge of valid critic, actually showing how the empire works.

Bringing this back to the problem Peggy, because the Russos, Markus and McFeely needed her to be morally pure so she could be Steve’s perfect love interest. She can’t have a past, red on her ledger, or anything that puts her into a compromised position. It’s probably why Steve goes back to 1949 and gets with Peggy before SHIELD really starts. That way, Peggy hasn’t done anything wrong. The audience is asked to forget about Zola and the HYDRA infiltration (though it’s never explained what she knew when). The Bucky situation is a bit different, and the Cynthia Glass conspiracy requires you to forget that in universe the Winter Soldier is treated as an urban legend within the intelligence community. Natasha brings up in TWS that no one can agree if he’s real. Given the few crumbs we have on Peggy’s tenure as director of SHIELD, the most I’m willing to say is that she might have know that the Winter Soldier was real. But with hindsight, I think the HYDRA infiltration was pulled off badly. 

Like if I had my way, the Peggy Steve meets after he’s unfrozen would be played by an older actress like Judi Dench, Maggie Smith, or the late Diana Rigg. That way she can speak for herself in the present. If I had my way, Agent Carter would have lasted longer and Peggy would have become something along the lines of DC’s Amanda Waller mixed with Dench’s M with a dash of George Smiley’s moral grounding. We could get a more accurate understanding of Peggy and SHIELD and even if you still don’t like her, she’s still a character with actual depth. And maybe Captain Carter would just be a fun “what if...” and not a free mulligan. 

Cause it really feels like Disney wants to wipe the slate clean and rewrite Peggy as a morally uncomplicated heroine who can be Steve’s un-problematic girlfriend.

[shippingsincebeforeyouwereborn]

2022 was the year I reconnected with my inner fan. After several years of having been packed up and set in the corner, talking only to herself in hushed tones, she took one look at Bernie Wolfe and Serena Campbell on a windy roof. Suddenly with a great whoosh she was set free again.

Thankfully I remembered that that Tumblr thing was the place for fannishness and not evil birdsite. Maybe it was a google search that brought me here, I don’t know.

And here I found a wonderful set of fun, kind, witty and wicked smart, fannish humans.

Thank you for accepting me into the social circle around the fire of fannish discussion and creation.

And thanks to Serena and Bernie, and Catherine and Jemma for just being!

I can’t wait to see what 2023 will bring!

[lil-als]

A historical hunger games simulator (and me)

Jimmy Carter kills everyone.

Already he’s killed three people.

Czolgosz and I are hunting together, Robespierre almost killed Bernie, Breckenridge being creepy

Dammit, Madison. Dammit Czolgosz. Also Coolidge auto corrected to Koolaid when I was making this…

Oh goodbye Hayne… also who is giving Breck a hatchet? OK Mary.

Carter kills another one. Weird as fuck alliances. Oh Clay.

Carter killed another one! And so does Jackson!

lots of people die. Including me.

What an anticlimactic death.

Honestly, she’s the best person to win this. I’m not mad.

Jim my Carter had six kills. SIX.

[marianneandbernie]

Episode 15: "The Ideological Olympics"

[Scene 1: The Opening Ceremony]

The college's annual Ideological Olympics are about to begin. Marianne, Bernie, and POMP (channeling SCAR) are forming an unlikely team to compete against other teams representing various ideologies.

Announcer: (enthusiastic) Welcome to the Ideological Olympics! Prepare for a series of intellectual and physical challenges that will test the limits of your convictions and teamwork!

[Scene 2: Challenge #1 - The Hegelian Dialectic Dash]

In this challenge, teams race to collect pieces of a puzzle representing thesis, antithesis, and synthesis. They must work together to assemble the puzzle correctly.

Marianne: (focused) We need to cooperate to complete this puzzle quickly.

Bernie: (determined) Let's put aside our differences and work together.

POMP (channeling SCAR): (reluctant) Fine, but don't expect me to compromise my beliefs.

[Scene 3: Challenge #2 - The Great Debate Obstacle Course]

In this challenge, teams must navigate a challenging obstacle course while engaging in a structured debate. They must present logical arguments and rebuttals to score points.

Marianne: (passionate) Love is the answer to all our problems.

Bernie: (confident) We need to fight for social and economic justice.

POMP (channeling SCAR): (stubborn) Individualism and self-interest drive progress.

[Scene 4: Challenge #3 - The Philosophy Puzzle Pyramid]

In this challenge, teams must work together to construct a pyramid of blocks representing philosophical concepts. Each layer must support the layer above it logically and ideologically.

Marianne: (concentrated) We need to find common ground to build a strong foundation.

Bernie: (serious) Let's focus on our shared values.

POMP (channeling SCAR): (annoyed) I can't believe I'm working with you two.

[Scene 5: RMEG Discovers the Clues]

Throughout the episode, subtle clues hint at a cunning plan by Judge Judith, who is secretly working to ensure that SCAR ends up in the Trash Compactor of Ideology.

Clue 1: Judith discreetly adjusts the rules of the first challenge, making it more difficult for the team with SCAR.

Clue 2: A conversation between Judith and a member of the HORDE of RANDIANS, discussing ways to sabotage SCAR's team during the second challenge.

Clue 3: Judith is seen tampering with the pyramid blocks in the third challenge, making it harder for the team to build a solid structure.

RMEG: (analytical) The clues are all here. Judith's meddling in the challenges, her connections to the HORDE of RANDIANS... It all leads to SCAR's downfall.

[Scene 6: RMEG Confronts Judith and Wins the Competition]

RMEG confronts Judith during the competition, presenting her findings and accusing her of orchestrating SCAR's downfall. The confrontation is intense, and RMEG's reasoning is so sound that Judith is forced to admit her involvement.

RMEG: (determined) You adjusted the rules of the first challenge, spoke with a RANDIAN about sabotaging our team, and tampered with the pyramid blocks. Admit it, you orchestrated this!

Judith: (defeated) You've got me. Your detective work is impressive.

Rachel Maddow: (impressed) Wow, your journalistic skills are truly remarkable.

[Scene 7: RMEG and Rachel Maddow's Disastrous Date]

Impressed by RMEG's detective skills, Rachel Maddow agrees to go on a date with her. However, the date goes horribly wrong due to irreconcilable differences in their personal beliefs and communication styles.

RMEG: (enthusiastic) So, Rachel, I've always admired your ability to break down complex issues on your show.

Rachel Maddow: (smiling) Thanks, I've always been a fan of your investigative journalism as well.

As the conversation progresses, they start to discuss their personal beliefs, and tensions rise.

RMEG: (frustrated) But how can you ignore the fact that corporate influence in politics is a major issue?

Rachel Maddow: (defensive) I'm not ignoring it, but I think you're oversimplifying the situation.

RMEG: (upset) It's not an oversimplification! It's a key factor in the dysfunction of our democracy!

Rachel Maddow: (exasperated) I understand your point, but there are other factors at play here. You can't just pin everything on corporate influence.

As the argument heats up, they realize that their differences are insurmountable.

RMEG: (hurt) You know what? Maybe this was a mistake.

Rachel Maddow: (disappointed) I think you're right. We're just too different.

They finish their date on a sour note and vow never to speak again.

[hayleythesugarbowl]

rachel green x reader headcanons

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ masterlist • f•r•i•e•n•d•s masterlist ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

a/n: we’re all a little in love with rachel right? on a mission to write hcs for all the friends characters 💋🩰

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~°~❦~°~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

dating rachel would include…

ok so you and rachel first met at her office 

wow, it’s not like she’s ever done that before. *cough* gavin, tag, mark (kinda) *cough*

what i’m saying is miss girl has a type

so you both worked in the same department and she started to develop a crush on you

one night when you were both working late

you started talking and it eventually led to you making out on her desk

aaand you’ve been dating ever since 

her friends were a little skeptical at first of her relationship with her coworker 

but eventually as they all got to know you, you became one of the group 

ross took longer than the rest of them to warm up to you ‘because of the history’

honestly rachel spoils you

always giving you fashion advice and buying you clothes

“oh, honey, this looks so good on you. and, you know, now you can throw out those old ones’

she loves your butt

calls you sweetie 

does that thing when you’re holding hands where she traces your hand with her finger

pillow princess 

she writes little sticky notes for you and puts them all over your apartment and in your pockets

and she always smells so good 

she drags you along to all of these spas places and you guys have spa days

she’s really good at giving gifts 

not so great at receiving them

‘oh, sweetie, i love it. it’s beautiful!’

‘rach, do you want the receipt?’

‘no! …. actually, can i just hold onto it?’

but she tries really hard to return only the stuff she really doesn’t want 

when you all do things as a group you and rach are always sneaking off to go spend some time alone

like once when ross brought all of you along on a muesem tour

and you and rachel were bored 

(you can only make fun of abstract art for so long)

so you snuck off to see if you could find something more interesting

and ended up getting caught ‘frolicking’, as the museum guard put it, behind a sculpture of a past president

‘wow, a public place, (y/n)! i don’t know, it’s kind of thrilling! i feel like joey!’

ross was furious 

‘i can’t believe you two! in a place of integrity and knowledge!’

to which rachel said 

‘i don’t know, ross. i saw a lot of people doing what me and (y/n) were doing in some of those greek paintings back there.’

and that ended that conversation

you guys get to spend almost every second together, what with seeing each other at work as well as outside of it

and sometimes it’s hard pretending not to be a couple at your job

lots of sneaky little touches 🤭

all of her friends love you so much and think you bring out the best in her 

(and joey just likes watching you two together)

you guys couldn’t be happier and rachel loves you so much 

…even more than weekend at bernie’s

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~°~❦~°~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ˋ°•*⁀➷ hope guys enjoyed!! check out my other friends hcs on my masterlist and have a lovely day!! 🎀🖇️

[shinyasahalo]

Top 100 AO3 Fem Ships (Aug. 21, 2024)

(F/F) Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor (Supergirl TV/DCU) 21,747 fics

(F/F) Original Female Character/Original Female Character (All Fandoms) 18,594 fics

(F/F) Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan (Once Upon a Time TV) 16,359 fics

(F/F) Clarke Griffin/Lexa (The 100 TV) 13,283 fics

(F/F) Amity Blight/Luz Noceda (The Owl House TV) 12,932 fics

(F/F) Adora/Catra (She-Ra) 12,142 fics

(F/F) Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadows (Marauders/Harry Potter) 9,073 fics

(F/F) Robin Buckley/Nancy Wheeler (Stranger Things TV) 8,694 fics

(F/F) Blake Belladonna/Yang Xiao Long (RWBY) 8,272 fics

(F/F) Korra/Asami Sato (Avatar Legend of Korra) 7,652 fics

(F/F) Caitlyn/Vi (Arcane League of Legends) 6,979 fics

(F/F) Jirou Kyouka/Yaoyorozu Momo (My Hero Academia) 6,826 fics

(F/F) Wednesday Addams/Enid Sinclair (Wednesday TV/Addams Family) 6,669 fics

(F/F) Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer (Supergirl TV/DCU) 6,532 fics

(F/F) Charlie Morningstar/Vaggie (Hazbin Hotel) 6,395 fics

(F/F) Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught (Wynonna Earp TV) 6,156 fics

(F/F) Ruby Rose/Weiss Schnee (RWBY) 5,972 fics

(F/F) Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam (Homestuck) 5,528 fics

(F/F) Carmilla | Mircalla Countess Karnstein/Laura (Carmilla) 5,424 fics

(F/F) Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell (Pitch Perfect) 5,410 fics

(F/F) Alphys/Undyne (Undertale) 4,848 fics

(F&F) Clarke Griffin & Lexa (The 100 TV) 4,695 fics

(F/F) Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir of 104th (Attack on Titan) 4,483 fics

(F/F) Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan (Doctor Who TV) 4,482 fics

(F/F) Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley (Harry Potter) 3,979 fics

(F/F) Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova (Killing Eve TV) 3,928 fics

(F/F) Maya Bishop/Carina DeLuca (Station 19 TV) 3,773 fics

(F/F) Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce (Glee TV) 3,722 fics

(F/F) Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva (Warrior Nun TV) 3,714 fics

(F/F) Maxine "Max" Caulfield/Chloe Price (Life is Strange) 3,567 fics

(F/F) Asui Tsuyu/Uraraka Ochako (My Hero Academia) 3,407 fics

(F/F) Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe (Legends of Tomorrow TV/DCU) 3,394 fics

(F/F) Kara Danvers/Cat Grant (Supergirl TV/DCU) 3,391 fics

(F/F) Miranda Priestly/Andrea Sachs (Devil Wear Prada) 3,367 fics

(F/F) Mary MacDonald/Lily Evans Potter (Marauders/Harry Potter) 3,337 fics

(F/F) Root | Samantha Groves/Sameen Shaw (Person of Interest TV) 3,335 fics

(F/R) Natasha Romanov/Reader (Marvel) 3,299 fics

(F/F) Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel (Harley Quinn/DCU) 3,209 fics

(F/F) Beidou/Ningguang (Genshin Impact) 3,197 fics

(F/F) Raiden Ei | Baal/Yae Miko (Genshin Impact) 3,183 fics

(F&F) Alex Danvers & Kara Danvers (Supergirl TV/DCU) 3,135 fics

(F&F) Adora & Catra (She-Ra) 3,134 fics

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(F&F) Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor (Supergirl TV/DCU) 2,969 fics

(F/F) Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss (Criminal Minds TV) 2,949 fics

(F/F) Rachel Berry/Quinn Fabray (Glee TV) 2,947 fics

(F/F) Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe (Holby City TV) 2,892 fics

(F/F) Wanda Maximoff/Natasha Romanov (Avengers/Marvel) 2,764 fics

(F/F) Fareeha "Pharah" Amari/Angela "Mercy" Ziegler (Overwatch) 2,760 fics

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(F/R) Wanda Maximoff/Reader (Marvel) 2,713 fics

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(F/F) Yelena Belova/Kate Bishop (Hawkeye TV/Marvel) 2,478 fics

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(F/F) Gwen/Morgana (Merlin TV) 2,244 fics

(F&F) Maya Bishop & Carine DeLuca (Station 19 TV) 2,229 fics

(FGQ/F) Akiyama Mizuki/Shinonome Ena (Project SEKAI) 2,169 fics

(F/F) Toga Himiko/Uraraka Ochako (My Hero Academia) 2,095 fics

(F/F) Allison Argent/Lydia Martin (Teen Wolf TV) 2,073 fics

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(F&F) Original Female Character & Original Female Character (All Fandoms) 1,897 fics

(F/F) Jemma Simmons/Skye | Daisy Johnson (Agents of SHIELD TV/Marvel) 1,886 fics

(F/F) Myaka Bering/Helena "HG" Wells (Warehouse 13 TV) 1,870 fics

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(F/F) Delphine Cormier/Niehaus (Orphan Black TV) 1,635 fics

[nitpickrider]

These two are either going to scissor or kill each other, there is no inbetween. Captain America 426

[gaypeopleeatchalk]

Bing! (Chandler Bing x Male Reader)

It was another lovley day in New York, and our group was sitting in Monica and Rachel's apartment. 

"I mean, it's hard to enjoy a cup of ramen noodles after that. I mean, is that ridiculous? Can she believe she actually thought that?" Chandler asked. We all look at eachother before Rachel speaks up first. "Um... yeah" She laughs nervously under Chandler's gaze. "Well I mean, when I first met you, you know, I thought maybe you might possibly be." Chandler looks at her shocked. "You did?" "Yeah, but then you spent Phoebe's entire birthday party talking to my breasts, so I thought 'maybe not'" Chandler sets down his plate. "huh, did uh, did any of the rest of you guys think that when you first met me?" He asked the remainder of us. I coughed awkwardly and Phoebe and Monica replied saying they did. "Not me!" Joey assured. "Yeah, me neither. In college though, Susan Salidore did." Ross answers. "Well did you tell her I'm not?" My heart sank a bit at his words. Like I needed a reminder. "No" Ross replied, resuming eating. He paused again to say "Yeah, it's just cause I kinda wanted to go out with her too. So I told her you were actually seeing Bernie Spellman, who uh, also liked her so." I rolled my eyes. Joey highfived him. 

"Well, this is fascinating. So uh, what is it about me?" Chandler asked. "I don't know, cause you're smart and funny-" Chandler innterupts Phoebe "Ross and Y/n are smart and funny and you don't think that about them" My eyes widened a bit at his statement. I actually was gay, well, bi but still. I've hidden it from my friends because I'm not sure how they'd react, especially Chandler, considering I have a huge crush on him.  "Yeah, right!" They all laughed and I awkwardly laughed along with them. "Well, what is it?" Chandler asked again, clearly upset. "I-I don't know, you just have a, a quality!" Monica responded. Everyone agreed with her. "Oh, oh, a quality. Good, I thought you were going to be vauge about it." Chandler sighed.

Later that day it was just Phoebe, Joey, me, and Rachel Waitressing. Monica and Ross were visiting their sick nana and Chandler was at his apartment doing who knows what. "Hey, do you guys ever think about, um, if one of us were gay?" I asked hesitantly. I need to come out eventually, might as well test the waters. "I wouldn't really care, I've dated a few girls" Phoebe shrugged, making my eyes go wide. "You have?" Joey and I gasped. "Yeah, it's not a big deal. I mean, I like guys too, it's more about the soul, y'know?" She explained. I smiled to myself and nodded my head. I totally understood what she meant. I mean, sure it helps for people to be pretty, but I've always been more focused on a person's personality than anything else. "Wait a minute, why did you ask Y/n? Did Chandler say somethin to ya?" He asked, sounding a bit hopeful. I looked at him quizzically. "No, why?" His face dropped and he insisted it was nothing. 

After a bit Joey went to join Chandler in his apartment, I looked over at Phoebe nervously before scooting a little closer to her. "Um, Pheebs?" She looks up at me to continue. "So, you're attracted to men and women?" She nodded, smiling. "It's ok Y/n, you can say it." Huh, guess she already knew. "I um. I do too." I smile sheepishly. She sweeps me into a hug and squeals as quietly as possible. "Thank god, I know this great guy that you'd absolutely love!" I chuckle at her. Maybe it'd be ok to tell everyone and explore that part of me, maybe go out with a guy or two. "That'd be great, thank you so much Phoebe"

It's been a few weeks since that moment, and I'd decided it was finally time to tell everyone. We were all gathered in the girl's apartment, and I stood up in front of them all. "Ok, so, I have something to tell you all, nut you have to promise me you won't freak out." "Oh god, you didn't get back with Elizabeth. did you?" Monica gasped. I chuckled and shook my head. "No, it's uh... I'm bisexual, it means I um, I like men and women" I smiled sheepishly at the group. There was a moment of silence before Monica and Rachel tackled me in a hug, Joey smiled at me and pats my shoulder, and Ross and Chandler look at me shocked. I was terrified that they'd say something bad but Ross just sputtered out "Good for you!" and came to join the hug. "Ah, what the hell?" Joey smiled and joined in on the hug, as well as Phoebe. Chandler just stood there, gawking, and it terrified me. 

"Sooo, any special guy make you want to share the news?" Monica teased after we all had sat back down. Chandler still hadn't said a word.  "Well, not yet, but Pheebs said she was gonna set me up with someone." I blushed. "Oh! Oh! Alexander, yeah! He said he's free saturday if you want me to set you up for this weekend!" Phoebe cheered. I agreed to it and everyone seemed really excited for me, except for the silent Chandler. 

It was sunday morning, and I yawned as I left my bedroom to grab a cup of coffee. "Hey, N/n, Do you have any eggs?" Joey asked, letting himself into my apartment. "Joe, I gave you that key for emergencies." I nervously laughed, glancing towards my room. "So what? It's not like I'll see anything-" he was cut off by my bedroom door opening and a tall handsome man walked out, calling for me. "Ohhoho, someone got lucky!" Joey teased. I blushed and glared at him "eggs are in the fridge." I grumbled, glancing at the man next to my room. "So, uh, Alex, this is Joey." I awkwardly muttered, The two nodded at eachother. "Hey Joe, whats-" Chandler stopped when he saw the three of us awkwardly standing there. "Oh, that's what."  He huffed, before storming out. "What's his problem?" Alex asked. 

"So, was he hot?" Monica asked me and Joey. "Yeah" I blushed. "Oooo, I knew you two would get along!" Phoebe squealed. "Yeah, it's great" Chandler mumbled. "What's got you down?" "Nothing" He grumbled. "It's just, do we always have t talk about whowe date? Can't we talk about something else?" and there it is, exactly what I feared. He was uncomfortable with me talking about dating a man. I raised an eyebrow "How come you've never had a problem before?" I asked, annoyed. "Well, I, Uh-" He sputtered. "Look Chandler, if you're uncomfortable with me seeing a man just say it!" I huff, storming off.

I sat alone in my apartment, Snuggled up under a blanket, grumbling about Chandler under my breath. Why does it matter to him who I'm dating? It's none of his beeswax! A knock at my door sounded. "I'm not in the mood Pheebs" I assumed she came to comfort me, but the voice coming from behind the door wasn't hers. "Hey, Y/n, it's me." It was Chandler. I stormed over to the door, swinging it open. "What do you want?" I asked sharply. "Look, I-I, I owe you an explanation" "Sure as hell do" I interjected, stepping aside to let him in. "Ok, look, I've only told one other person this before and I don't know how to say it so I'm just going to blurt it out. I'm bisexual and I may like you" He said the last part faster, but I caught it. "R-Really? All this time you, you liked me?" I breathed. "Yes. E-Ever since I met you, you took my breath away. You're handsome, smart, funny, and-and I've only ever liked one guy in college so I thought it was a phase, y'know? I thought there was no way you would like me, because I'd only ever seen you with girls, and then you came out and I thought about tewlling you but you went on a date with that guy and-" I cut him off by smashing my lips onto his. After a few moments of the best kiss I've ever had, we pulled away. "Wow" Chandler breathed. "Sooo, do you wanna head to your room?" He smirked at me. "Bing!" I gasped and hit his chest.

[cantsayidont]

Recentish movies of note, or not:

BOTTOMS: Ridiculous "teen" comedy about two gay high school losers, PJ (Rachel Sennott, who also co-wrote with director Emma Seligman) and Josie (Ayo Edebiri), who seize on a rumor about their having been in juvenile detention to start an after-school "self-defense club," in the hope that introducing the school's hottest cheerleaders to the cathartic thrill of girls beating the shit out of each other will finally give these hopeless (and ho-less) virgins a chance to score. So silly that complaining about the stupidity of the plot seems a tad churlish, but the story misses some obvious comedic opportunities, and despite the premise, the film eventually becomes far more interested in cartoonish violence than sex. If you dig the overall vibe, you might not care, but as a gay teen sex comedy, it's ultimately less successful (and less outrageous) than BOOKSMART, even though only one of the latter film's teen loser heroines is gay.

DO REVENGE: Black comedy homage to the teen comedies of the '90s and early '00s, inspired in part by the 1951 movie version of STRANGERS ON A TRAIN, about a disgraced prep school popular girl, Drea (Camila Mendes), who joins forces with gay weirdo Eleanor (Maya Hawke) to avenge herself on her former friends and find out who leaked her sex tape — a plan that involves giving Eleanor a makeover so she can infiltrate the popular kids. Hawke is a delight, Mendes is very good, and the homoerotic tension of their odd relationship makes the movie fun for a while, especially if you appreciate the many self-conscious homages to prior teen movies. However, a major reveal late in the second act makes hash of the already sloppy plot, and the finale is both nonsensical and as antisemitic as STRANGERS ON A TRAIN author Patricia Highsmith, which leaves a sour aftertaste.

IT'S A WONDERFUL KNIFE: Bizarre slasher movie pastiche of IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE, about a teenage girl named Winnie Carruthers (Jane Widdop of YELLOWJACKETS), who kills the masked serial killer who's been terrorizing the small town of Angel Falls and murdered her best friend (Hana Huggins) at Christmastime. A year later, everyone in town seems to have gotten over it except Winnie, who's miserable. On Christmas Eve, she's magically transported into an alternate timeline where she was never born and the masked slasher has continued murdering people, including Winnie's brother (Aiden Howard). To set things right, Winnie has to stop the villain all over again with the help of Bernie Simon (Jess McLeod), the town outcast and the only one who believes her story. Not scary, gruesome, or suspenseful enough to be much of a horror movie, but there are enough grisly murders to make the comedic holiday fantasy aspects seem a trifle sociopathic, and a late reveal that the killer has supernatural powers beyond just stabbing or slashing people feels like one ingredient too many in an already convoluted plot. The main redeeming feature is that it's ultimately a gay love story, which I wasn't expecting, but appreciated nonetheless.

THE KILL ROOM: Uma Thurman, Samuel L. Jackson, Joe Manganiello, and Maya Hawke go slumming in this dumb black comedy about a handsome hitman named Reggie (Manganiello) who becomes the sensation of the art world after his mob intermediary (Jackson) concocts a scheme to launder Reggie's payments by selling his abstract paintings (under the nom de plume "the Bagman") through a burned-out, Adderall-snorting art dealer (Thurman). Intended satire of the cutthroat vacuity of the art world lacks bite and no part of the plot makes any sense, but sheer star power gets the movie through about half its 80-minute running time before the banality becomes terminal.

POLITE SOCIETY: Silly British action-comedy by Nida Manzoor (creator of WE ARE LADY PARTS) about Ria Khan (Priya Kansara, delightful), a Pakistani teenager who aspires to be a stuntwoman, and her quest to save her flaky art student older sister Lena (Ritu Arya, radiant) from marrying a handsome doctor (Ashay Khanna) who seems a little too good to be true. It looks great, and the characters are very charming, but the story waits much too long to clarify the stakes of the plot: Until the finale, we don't know if Lena is actually in any danger or if Ria is just letting her imagination run away with her, and that uncertainty becomes an unwelcome distraction in the later action sequences. As a result, it feels more like an update of the John Hughes perennial SIXTEEN CANDLES than the over-the-top action movie it obviously aspires to be.

SHIVA BABY: Low-key but vivid comedy of manners, written and directed by Emma Seligman, starring Rachel Sennott as Danielle, a bisexual 20something Jewish girl who secretly pays her bills as a sugar baby. When she goes with her parents (Fred Melamed and Polly Draper) to a shiva, she finds herself trapped with not only her most annoying relatives, but also her disgruntled ex-girlfriend (Molly Gordon), her current sugar daddy (Danny Deferrari), his gorgeous blond wife (Dianna Agron), and their new baby. Seligman milks every awkward nuance of this uncomfortable social situation for maximum dramatic effect, and the tension of the final scene (which is nothing more complicated than the characters trying to squeeze into the back of Danielle's father's minivan) will drive you right up the wall.

VOLEUSES (WINGWOMEN): Is it really possible for a 40-year-old Frenchwoman living in the 21st century to not know that lesbians exist? One wouldn't think so, but watching this jokey buddy-action movie suggests that director/co-writer/star Mélanie Laurent desperately needs some kind of educational intervention in that regard. This is for all intents and purposes a lesbian romance: Master thieves Carole (Laurent) and Alex (Adèle Exarchopoulos) live together, routinely sleep in the same bed, and plan to retire together; they constantly express their love and affection for one another, and when Carole discovers that she's pregnant (the hows of which are never explained), Alex immediately assumes that they'll be moms together. Nonetheless, the story not only attempts to no-homo this cozy domestic scenario, but also presumes that there's no way Carole and Alex's relationship could ever be the de facto marriage it obviously already is — indeed, a crucial story moment involves Carole tearfully wishing she were a man so she could love Alex the way she deserves! If the movie had been made 50+ years ago, this might be poignant, but in 2023, it's just weird, and the resulting cognitive dissonance largely overshadows the thin plot, which concerns Carole and Alex trying to persuade their bitchy, cheerfully murderous employer Marraine (Isabelle Adjani, barely recognizable beneath her big hair and oversized sunglasses) to let them retire, while training a younger woman named Sam (Manon Bresch) to become their driver and the ambiguously defined third in their domestic ménage à trois.