#Benn knows but he’s a good sport

[kacievvbbbb]

Shanks trying to explain to people that Mihawk is actually hilarious and cracks a lot of little sarcastic jokes and his crews just like sure boss we believe you

Shanks growing desperate and frantic trying to explain that Mihawk can actually be really fun and is very sporadic a lot of the time and is the literal embodiment of “do it for the plot 🤷🏿‍♀️”and the crew’s just like captain’s really whipped ain’t he. Hawkeyes’ really got your number boss.

All the while Mihawk watches on eyes alight with joy only Shanks can see. This was all part of his plan

[shankss-magnificent-ass]

Imagine taking Rayleigh and Shakky out on a date

This is part 2 of this post

Rayleigh: so you want to take us out on a pretend date to spite your first mate and captain for bullying you?

Reader: I know how it sounds, but I figured it'd be a good way to get back at them.

Shakky: While I'm all for helping you get revenge, I don't understand your logic.

You: well, Rayleigh is Shanks's father figure.

Rayleigh: That's not how I'd put it, but I suppose I'm the closest thing he's got.

You: And while I know you two have an open relationship, I thought fucking my captain's father figure would be crossing a line.

Shakky: probably a wise move.

You: And I wanted you to go on a fake date with you, Shakky because Benn has had a crush on you for years, but has been too nervous to ask you out on a date.

Rayleigh: so a date, with both of us, would be two birds with one stone.

Shakky: Oh, I know about his little crush, his poker face is terrible

You: I know, right? I saw him in here earlier, looking at you, he was about as subtle as a sea train.

Rayleigh: *turns to his wife,* What do you think?

Shakky: I dunno.

You: I'll pay for dinner.

Shakky: Deal.

Rayleigh: Pick us up at six thirty tonight.

That night during dinner

Rayleigh: *drinking straight from the wine bottle you ordered*, So how's the brat supposed to know you took us on a date?

You: Well, he planned on dining here at seven, so by the time our food arrives, he should be here. But you know him, he's not good at sticking to plans. If he doesn't come, we could take a picture as a backup plan.

Shakky: Sounds like a plan, in the meantime, we should have a proper date.

Rayleigh: yes, tell us about yourself.

An hour later

You: And Shanks, buck ass naked, slips on the wet rocks, falls, and smacks against the surface of the water!

Shanks: (y/n)?

You: *looks over to notice Shanks and his inner circle gawking at you*

Rayleigh: hey sport

Shanks: what's going on here?

Shakky: what does it look like? We're having a date with this little cutie. *wraps her arms around you and rests her head on your shoulder, giving a pointed smirk at Benn*

Rayleigh: *puts his arm around both you and Shakky and pulls you into his side,* They were just telling us about your skinny sipping mishap on Koala Island.

Shanks: No

You: yep

Benn: *glaring daggers at you,* You little shit, how long has this been going on?

You: Not long, this is the first date.

Shanks: Is this because of what we said two weeks ago?

You: a little

Shanks: *pouts,* We were just teasing.

Shakky: You're interrupting our date, it's quite rude.

Shanks: Fine, enjoy your evening.

Later

Shanks: *alone, passed out drunk on his table*

Rayleigh: *sighs* this boy I swear.

Shakky: Want to ditch him with our tab?

You: Yeah, but we're not gonna leave him without the cash, *pulls out his wallet and puts the Berry you brought along inside before sliding it back into his pocket*

The next day on the Red Force

You: *walks onto the ship only for everyone to stare at you*

Benn: You have some explaining to do.

Shanks: *bursts out of his cabin,* Did you fuck them?

You: no, I thought that'd be crossing a line.

Shanks: then where did you stay last night?

You: In their guest room, I helped Shakky open this morning because Rayleigh had wandered off after our date... Look, it wasn't a real date, Boss, I was upfront with them about my intentions.

Shanks: We didn't bully you.

You: It certainly felt like it to me, and when I voiced that hurt, you didn't apologize, and basically told me to stop sulking. So I wanted you to know how it felt, so I asked Rayleigh and Shakky to help me get back at you for bullying me.

Shanks: I see, *reflects on his behavior for a moment* I'm sorry we teased you, it was supposed to be a joke but ended up hurting your feelings.

You: Apology accepted.

Shanks: Now, please never date any of my former crew mates from my time with Roger.

You: I promise I won't knowingly date any of them.

Shanks: I don't like the way you phrased that, but fine, I guess.

Benn: Now that that's done, tell me how in the hell you got Shakky to go on a date with you.

You: Again, it was a fake date, but I simply asked.

Benn: I was afraid you were gonna say that.

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[hannahbarberra162]

Princess Treatment, Part 1 (Benn Beckman x OC, Rivals to Lovers, Slow Burn)

on Ao3

This is the "someone old" I had in mind for the X Amount of Followers event! You've unlocked Benn Beckman! There will be smut, but not in this chapter.

Thank you to @gouraminnow for helping me brainstorm and beta'ing my work even when I'm whiny.

Summary:

Everyone loves Benn Beckman. The crew, civilians, other pirates, and especially women, all think Benn's the greatest thing since Silvers Rayleigh. Except Anne. She wants to rearrange his face, free of charge, with every condescending smirk he throws her way. She's capable and deadly, she's proven her worth as a member of the Red-Haired pirates. But the first mate is hell bent on testing her patience and her boundaries.

Notes:

Anne is practicing Irish stick fighting, bataireacht.

“See anything you like?” Captain asked suggestively, tipping his head to Anne. She cut her glance from Benn Beckman twirling his finger around the curl of a provocatively dressed woman to the one-armed man by her side. She and her Captain were sitting with their legs up on a round table at some shitty dive bar on a winter island. It was summer, so the weather was nearly perfect; she could wear her leather boots, worn jeans, and her cut off t-shirt and feel perfectly comfortable.

“Unfortunately, I’m not into women. It’s my curse to bear,” Anne said as she took another swig of her ale, turning away from the scene in front of her. 

“I wasn’t talking about the woman,” Shanks replied, smirking. Anne rolled her eyes, wondering if she should punch her Captain verbally or physically. She didn’t want to spill their drinks, so she decided to use her words.

“Oi, watch what you say. Or I’ll tell a certain Marine Hunter how much time it takes you to achieve that ‘effortless’ messy hairstyle.” Anne didn’t like people prying into her business, especially red headed busybodies who thought they knew better than everyone else. Besides, she didn’t know what Shanks was talking about. She and Beckman had a…contentious relationship at best. She didn’t know what it was, but everything about him set her teeth on edge. Everyone else loved the first mate, thought he was so composed and collected. Every island they went to, every other crew they met with, every goddamn person thought Benn was so amazing, and it drove Anne up the wall.

Sure, she had eyes, Anne knew Beckman was objectively handsome. But his good looks came with an irritating nature, an arrogant attitude, a cocky smile and the overall condescending tone of a complete ass. Benn acted like he knew better than everyone at all times, including their Captain. Which, to be fair, he did know better than the Captain most of the time. But so did everyone, it didn’t make him special. 

No, Anne did not like Benn Beckman, and not just because of his self satisfied attitude. He went out of his way to irritate and annoy her, unlike any of the other Red Haired Pirates. Anne was the only woman on board, but no one else brought it up regularly. The guys seemed to forget she was a woman most of the time, only remembering when they saw her in her sports bra. Sure, there were grumbles that she was the only crewmate besides the Captain who got their own room, but that was about it. Anne had suggested cutting their dicks off to become her roommate, but no one took her up on the offer. Aside from that, Anne was no different than anyone else on the crew. She was strong, tall, capable, and deadly. 

Beckman, however, always went out of his way to bother her. It didn’t help that Anne had a short fuse around him and Beckman was always lighting a match. He called her Princess or Sweetheart or Doll instead of her name. He would take heavy crates out of her hands without asking, hefting them up onto his shoulder with a lopsided grin. He’d say “ladies first,” when the crew was headed inside a tavern, insisting on holding the door open for her. It made Anne see red and want to bash his face in with her club. Multiple times. 

That was another thing that irritated Anne about Benn. He was one of the few people able to get a rise out of her. Anne prided herself on her collected nature, never rising to take the bait, always keeping her wits about her. Sure, if provoked she’d break your face (or clavicle, or arm, or femur) with her club, but Anne preferred to live and let live. The rowdy parties, hostile civilians, things that needed repairs on the ship - Anne didn’t let any of it bother her. Life was too short to be angry about every small detail.

Except when it came to Benn Beckman. 

“Oi. Call me Anne, not Princess,” she demanded one night over dinner. She tried to keep her tone neutral and not show her anger - that would only backfire. He’d called her Princess all day as she worked the rigging, enraging her every time he did it. By the end of the day she’d nearly strangled him with the ropes rather than adjusting the sails.

“Whatever you say, Sweetcheeks,” Benn replied with a lazy smile, leaning back to swig his ale. Anne stabbed her fork into the table as she stood up,  flipping her chair backwards in her haste to get away before she stabbed the first mate instead. Stomping away, she heard the deep rumble of Beckman’s laugh, which only served to infuriate her further. 

Anne wasn’t upset by her gender, quite the opposite. Anne was proud to be a woman, and wouldn’t change it for anything. She wasn’t soft and curvy like the women they saw on most islands, and that was OK. Anne was tall, buff, and sported a permanent bitch face that belied her generally calm demeanor. Anne liked her hair short, her clothes masculine, and her body unshaven. Her haircut matched that of her Captain, since she cut both of their hair. But instead of red, hers was a deep dark brown, a few more gray hairs coming in annually. Freckles littered her face, shoulders, chest and back, their number growing every year spent on the sea. She was well muscled but lithe, her muscles aiding her ability to move quickly during skirmishes. As a child, Anne had been teased for her lack of femininity, called a tomboy and other names aimed to hurt her feelings. Anne quickly learned how to deal with such situations - namely, with violence. Anne discovered that once she’d broken enough noses and arms, people stopped making fun of her. 

She’d found her place on the Red Haired Pirates after accidentally catching their Captain in an animal trap. Anne had been checking her traps for food when she came across a red haired man in one of her trapping pits. 

“Stay, Hobbes,” Anne said, hopping off the back of her tiger and patting its velvety head.

“Oi, help me outta here,” the man said pitifully as he sat in the shade of the pit. Looking him over, Anne thought she recognized him from the wanted posters in town. 

“Aren’t you that Emperor?” Anne said, crossing her arms. 

“Yeah, Red Haired Shanks. Lemme outta here, I’m too hungover for this shit,” he whined. Anne was taken aback - she hadn’t expected one of the four Emperors of the Seas to be so…casual.

“No. Find your own way out.” Anne said, starting to mount her tiger again. Shanks’s mouth hung open in shock. If he was an Emperor, surely he’d be able to extricate himself. 

“That’s not nice, I only have one arm!” He exclaimed, his mouth forming a pout. 

“Never said I was nice,” Anne said while shrugging her shoulders, already on the back of her tiger as it sauntered away. 

And the rest was history. Shanks did eventually get out of the pit, though Anne never found out exactly how. He’d followed the path she’d set out on back to her hut and stumbled upon her practicing her bataireacht . The Captain sparred with Anne for a few minutes, then invited himself into her hut for a drink of her alcohol. A few hours later Anne had agreed to join Shanks’s crew. She had a few years of sailing experience, a lot of years of kicking ass experience, and even more years of drinking experience, all of which were needed to be a Red Haired Pirate. She’d brought her few things back with her, said brief goodbyes and set sail on the Red Force. 

The crew was nice enough, she met the doctor, who gave her a basic physical and wasn’t weird about it. Limejuice was an early favorite, the two quickly bonding over their shared love of staff fighting. Anne was also drawn to Monster and had to restrain herself from scratching him behind the ears at their first meeting. In fact, she found the crew rather pleasant and enjoyable enough. They were all around her age, a well settled crew, which made for a more relaxing journey on the sea. Unfortunately, she met the first mate after she joined, otherwise she would have declined. Their first meeting left a lot to be desired and set the tone for the rest of their interactions.

“What’s yer weapon of choice?” Benn asked as his introduction, eyeing the new recruit up and down, taking a drag of his cigarette. He had come up and leaned on her shoulder with his arm. Anne shoved it off of her like it burned.

“Don’t touch me. Club,” Anne replied tersely, pointing to the club strapped to her back. In truth, it was a shillelagh, but most people didn't know what that was.

“Do ye mean ‘staff?” Benn asked with a smirk. Anne ground her teeth together.

“If I meant ‘staff,’ I would have said ‘staff.’ I said ‘club,” Anne bit out. 

“Hmm. Staff might be better,” he said, blowing smoke in her face. Anne narrowed her eyes.

“Didn’t ask for your opinion. Don’t want it, either.” 

“Clubs break,” Benn said with a smug grin.

“So do bones,” Anne replied, baring her teeth, and turned on her heel to end the discussion. She was done with this conversation and this god awful man. Many people had underestimated her and her shillelagh fighting over the years. Most only did it once. 

“You’ve been ‘will-they-won’t-they’ for years with Beckman,” Shanks teased, crossing his feet at the ankles, taking a deep pull from his ale.

“Do you mean ‘will I kill him today or won’t I’? That’s about all it’s been between us. Sorry, Cap. He doesn’t like me and I don’t like him. And that’s not going to change any time soon.”

“Hmm, I’m not so sure. If you get married, make sure I’m invited to the wedding,” Shanks said, smacking Anne on the back.

“If we get married, you can officiate,” Anne snorted, draining the last of her glass. “Gonna get another brew and take a piss, see ya.” Anne pushed off the table with her feet and stood up, sheathing her stick behind her back and bringing her glass with her. Truthfully, she just didn’t want to continue this conversation with her Captain. He was relentless, especially when he thought he was right. Leaving her glass on the counter of the bar, Anne went out into the alley behind the building for a breath of air and maybe to bum a cigarette. She always wanted one when she started drinking and tonight was no exception.

Leaning against a wall, she spotted a group of three men chatting and smoking and walked up to them with her friendliest smile. Anne had been told it wasn’t that friendly but it was what she had.

“Hey, guys, can I bum a smoke?” she asked cordially. One of the men gave her a passing glance up and down before replying. He had a scar down the side of his face, black stubble on his cheeks matching the short black hair on his head and was missing the last two fingers on his left hand. Anne had slept with worse, she thought.

“Sure thing, Sugar,” he said, extending a hand with an open pack of cigarettes. Anne didn’t bother saying anything about the pet name. She’d never see these fucks again in her life, it wasn’t worth her breath.

“Thanks, bud,” she replied, placing the butt in her mouth. Before she could even ask for a light, the man lit a match and extended it towards her. Anne widened her smile, sometimes she didn’t mind princess treatment.

“So what crew’re you on, baby? Some kinda merchant ship?” the man asked, leaning in further.

“Red Haired Pirates,” Anne answered after taking a deep drag of the cigarette. The men laughed like she told a joke. Anne’s friendly smile disappeared. 

“Something funny?” she asked, fingers already twitching. 

“Nah, Doll, c’mon, don’t play games” the man said with a laugh, stepping closer and leaning on the wall nearest Anne. She just rolled her eyes. Anne was used to this reaction, it didn’t really bother her over much. So what if some dipshit didn’t think she was on the crew?

“No games, but here’s a prize,” a deep voice growled out, flinging a lit cigarette at the man’s eye.

“Goddammit!”

“Goddammit!” Both Anne and the man yelled out simultaneously at the same man. “What the fuck, Beckman?” Anne yelled, whirling around to face the first mate. Beckman was about a meter behind her, shrouded in the shadows of the alley. “You think I couldn’t handle this alone? Some fucking drunk assholes? Fucking piss off!” Anne yelled, already angry. She knew Benn wouldn’t do this for any of the other crew members. It showed that he thought she was weak, that she couldn’t handle herself even though she’d fought side by side with the crew hundreds of times. Her armament and observation haki was as good as anyone else’s on the crew, she didn’t need help. She didn’t need someone to protect her, she didn’t need a babysitter and she sure as shit didn’t need Beckman. Cigarette break ruined, Anne crushed the rest of her cigarette under the sole of her boot and pushed past Beckman.

“Go back to your ladies inside the bar, I’m sure they miss you,” Anne spat behind her as she left. “I sure as shit don’t,” she muttered under her breath, throwing open the door to the bar.

A few days later and the Red Force was slicing through the sea once more to Anne’s delight. The sun was setting, painting the sky in purples and oranges as sweet as sherbert. It was her favorite time of day, the peaceful calm of the evening settling in her bones before the chill of the night came. Anne enjoyed her cup of herbal tea, watching the sunset from the crow’s nest as was her daily habit when the ship was sailing. In a few moments, she’d go spar with some of the crew or train alone, but the sunset was a moment of respite in a chaotic world. She worked as a rigger on the ship under Building Snake, which was a difficult but rewarding job. She’d always liked sailing, even before she’d made her career as a pirate. And watching the sun sink low in the sky was one of the rewards she got to enjoy.

“Oi, Princess, let down your hair,” Anne heard from below. She closed her eyes and inhaled, trying to regain the sense of awe and wonder she had moments ago. Only one voice could have her go from zen to burning anger in six words. Anne chose not to answer, breathing deeply instead.

Beckman POV

Anne didn’t respond to his call, but her silence was enough to know he’d hit his mark. He could practically see Anne’s eye twitching as he teased her from the deck. If he riled her up enough, she’d spar with him, which was a combination of his two favorite things. Benn and Anne sparred frequently, their verbal jabs often turning into physical fighting. Anne would seldom agree to spar with him outright, he usually had to get her irritated before she’d even think about it. But she was Benn’s favorite sparring partner of the crew. Not just because he got to enjoy the jiggling of her small tits under her shirt, or feel the warmth of her sun kissed skin under his own, though that certainly didn’t hurt. 

Anne had a very different fighting style than his own - her style relied on quick, fluid movement and precision whereas his was more direct, focusing on power and force. She was nearly impossible to pin down, trying to keep her under him was like trying to capture water in your hand. One moment he’d have her on the deck, held in place under his arms and the next she’d be sitting on his chest, her fighting stick about to break his nose. She was wild, unpredictable, and powerful, all things Beckman found incredibly attractive. But she needed more training - to reign herself in and channel her emotions - and Benn had given the task to himself. 

He’d been interested in Anne from the first moment he saw her approaching the ship with the Captain. Shanks tended to recruit whoever he “vibed” with, something that Benn had long given up arguing over. Most recruits didn’t make it past a week or two, but Anne had fit in easily, able to hold her own on the ship and on the battlefield. He’d given her grief over her fighting stick but he had no doubts after he saw her in action. She was strong and capable and Benn wanted to train her to be even better. 

Once in battle, she’d been cornered against the bow, three Marines approaching with guns drawn. Anne had looked bored, Beckman later realized. He’d been coming to enter the fray and help her only to realize she didn’t need it. He watched her coat her stick in haki and quickly break the clavicle of the closest Marine, throw him into the two others, shatter the femur of the second and crack the head of the third. All in a matter of seconds. She wasn’t even breathing hard as she stepped heavily on the skull of the Marine on her way to aid her crew mates. Beckman knew he was hooked on her as soon as the blood started to coat the deck.

Sure, Anne was different from the women Beckman usually went after on islands. He was known to favor short, soft, feminine women, women who purred and begged him to take them to bed. Women who spent their money and time on ways to make themselves look better, smell better, and feel better when he finally carried them giggling to his cabin. And he appreciated all of those women, the effort they put into the way they looked did not go unnoticed. So even though Anne did none of those things, he liked her just as much - maybe even more. 

Benn didn’t know why he was compelled to tease her so much - he felt like he was pulling her pigtails on the playground. He loved winding her up until she snapped at him, getting a rise out of her was second nature to him. She didn’t give that energy to anyone else - not even foolishness from the Captain could get her riled. But one glance from Beckman and the smoke was already coming out of her ears, her fingers reaching for her club. And he absolutely loved it. He knew it wasn’t in his best interest if he wanted to seduce her, but he couldn’t resist teasing her as much as she couldn’t resist responding. 

“Oi, you deaf now?” Beckman asked, lighting another cigarette. In his mind, he counted down from five. By the time he got to one, he had to dodge Anne’s kick aimed at his head. Benn smiled. She got him on the rebound, kicking his lit cigarette to the ground. The crew had already started to gather to watch them fight.

Anne POV

Benn was the most infuriating man on the seas, she was sure of it. He was stronger than Anne, but she was faster. No matter how many times she thought she had the advantage, she was never able to keep it. Worst of all, every time he pinned her, he gave her the goddamn smirk. Anne would never tell him but she had improved after sparring with Beckman near daily. She’d gotten sharper, striking with more accuracy and even faster than before. But she’d rather smell Shanks’s stump than ever admit it. 

“Better luck next time, Princess,” Beckman drawled at her, both arms pinned above her head. Anne grunted and used her foot to kick Beckman’s neck, earning her freedom. The crew whooped for her, as they always did. They had a betting pool going on when she’d finally beat his ass, with the times ranging from next month to never.

“No next time, Beckman,” she grunted, rolling on top of him. Sweat was dripping down her neck and chest, she could feel it pooling in her bra. She aimed to elbow his stupid fucking face but was pushed backwards as Benn grappled his way back on top of her, pinning her legs under his own. 

“Always a next time, Sweetheart, you need me. You’re not gonna get better without my help,” he said, blocking her strike to his throat. Anne wanted to rip it out with her teeth, though she’d tried before and ended up with Beckman’s thick fingers in her mouth, holding her jaw open.

“Don’t need you or your fucking help!” Anne bellowed, trapped again beneath the First mate.

“Says the Dame who can’t get away,” Benn replied easily, tightening his hold on her. She was twisted like a pretzel, him holding her arms in place across her chest with one immovable hand, her legs spread between his and trapped under his heavy body. Anne wiggled and tested for weakness, but he had her caged.

“Get a room!” Shanks yelled from his cabin, watching with amusement. Anne turned bright red, from her cheeks down to her chest as she realized the somewhat lewd manner the position could be construed. The gathered crew laughed and dispersed, their daily fight over and Anne no closer to beating Beckman than she was before.

“Let me go, you won,” Anne hissed through her teeth. Benn made no movement to release her.

“Always do,” Benn replied, watching the sweat trickle down her chest. Anne was still blushing furiously and it wasn’t receding as long as Benn stayed on top of her.

“Get. Off.”

“As you wish, Princess,” Beckman said, pinching the apple of Anne’s cheek between his fingers before hauling himself off her. Benn didn’t need to wonder how he was going to die, Anne thought, one day she was going to kill him.

[honeybeezgobzzzzz]

☠️ Something Dread, Something Red: Chapter Six

Something Dread, Something Red: Stuck in a proposal to a Marine Commodore, you escape minutes before your wedding in one last ditch effort to avoid getting married to a tyrant. Barely making it to the port of your town, you stumble across a ship just starting to leave and beg for passage off the island. You fail to notice that the people you beg for help, are pirates.

Warnings: None.

To Note: “Red Haired” Shanks x FemReader

Word Count: ~3.2k

Previous | Masterlist | Next

The Red Force is closing in on the port of Ingles, a town known for its construction services and lumber milling. The island itself is forested and sports mountains that Benn has described as a wilderness. It’s no wonder that the logging and construction business booms in Ingles, and you look forward to seeing the looming mountains. Kuri Island has hills—the Bonn manor is perched on one—but it holds no mountains nor thick forests. Even your best efforts to act ladylike can’t hold back the excitement running through your veins.

Now you are just standing on the deck, hands clutching the railing as you lean out and feel the wind and salt on your face. The white sleeves of the tunic you wear flutter and flap, dancing to the turbulent wind propelling the large ship across cerulean water. The town means you can pawn off your necklace and earrings for Berry, and then get clothes that fit you better.

You are more than thankful to be wearing Shanks’ spare clothing rather than your wedding dress, but the fabric dwarfs your body and is ill-fitting. The sleeves tend to drag when you help Lucky in the kitchen, and you have to use one of Hongo’s bandages as a belt to keep the trousers around your waist. Add the cut sandals practically taped to your feet… To put it simply, you look ridiculous!

But even in the ridiculous clothes that your mother would faint over if she ever saw you wearing such, you can’t help but bask in the feeling of freedom. You’ve never had the luxury of being in charge of your own clothing, you’ve never even worn trousers before, and there isn’t even a corset in sight! You sigh in happiness once more and beam, wondering what type of clothes you’d want to get for your new life.

Dresses wouldn’t be particularly useful to you, not when you find trousers so freeing and easy to move in, but you wouldn’t mind having one simple nice dress to have on hand. It wouldn’t hurt to treat yourself to a nice dinner at one of the restaurants Lucky has been telling you about. Even you know that certain dress codes are expected in certain places. So one dress will do. But you’ll mostly invest some money in tunics, trousers, two pairs of shoes, and a nice hat to block out the sun.

Then there is the glaring fact that you need to ensure your safety. You are no fool. The Blues are dangerous and filled with both good and bad people. Pirates. You are going to acquire a blade and learn how to use it (yet another task of learning you have to accomplish). Dropping your elbow to the railing, you rest your chin in hand.

“So much to do, I haven’t a clue where to start,” you speak to yourself, eyes watching the whitecaps forming as waves curl and crash.

“Well, for starters, we’re getting you into clothes that actually fit,” Shanks' voice softly floats into your ears over the sound of waves and Yasopp’s off-key singing. Twisting your head, you look at the red-haired captain with a pragmatic smile.

“Oh believe me, the first thing I plan on doing is choosing my own clothing. I’ve never been allowed to pick what I wear,” you reply as he takes a spot next to you. Your eyes look at the cloak he has draped over his arm stump. A cloak, you should get one too; everyone seems to have some sort of overcoat or the like. Shanks’ eyebrow pops up at your word choice but says nothing. He isn’t surprised that you’ve never been allowed to pick your own clothes. You’ve been nothing but a porcelain doll for your mother to play with. Shanks rubs his jaw in contemplation.

“The stores in Ingles focus on practical clothing, the type of clothes that are good and sturdy for traveling. It’ll be nothing like what you’re used to,” Shanks slowly explains, wondering if you’ll be bothered by less-than-luxurious fabrics. He doesn’t think you will be, but he’s yet to see you interact outside of the controlled environment of his ship. A thoughtful look crosses your face before you reply.

“Oh, I look forward to that,” you sigh in pure happiness. “These trousers might not fit, but they are a dream.” You glance down at the threadbare and simplistic trousers. “I’ve never had the luxury of feeling the wind against my feet and ankles.” Shanks wants to tell you that normally pants don’t reveal ankles and your ill-fitting trousers are far from luxury… but the glow of happiness upon your face is something he never dreamed of diminishing, so he keeps his silence on the topic.

“Just wait until you learn all about shorts,” he chooses to say, a grin creeping onto his face at the idea of how you’ll react to your entire legs being unhindered by layers of fabric. Shanks is sure you might even flop into a faint of excitement the moment you realize you could choose to wear something so revealing! He eyes your face a little more closely, drinking in the faint laugh lines and natural curves. The pirate is honestly stunned that you can still smile and appear so full of life after living in such circumstances as you had fled from. Turning his gaze back to the calm sea waters, Shanks looks forward to seeing what other delights are in store for you.

You are greatly embarrassed to say that your first few steps off the Red Force nearly have you face-planting with a far-from-elegant squawk. Benn catches your falling body early, large hands clutching your waist so you comically dangle in his grasp with your arms cartwheeling. You are sure that your face would be beet red if it were anatomically possible when he steadies you and all eyes are on you. Clearing your throat, you sway a little and take a deep gulp of air, trying to steady yourself again.

“Is it always like that?” you question as if you hadn’t nearly just made a scene of yourself. Your eyes are going everywhere in an effort not to look at their faces, for you feel like you might cry in embarrassment. Before any hot tears welling up in your eyes can fall, Bonk Punch speaks.

“Shoulda’ seen Monster the first day he was on the ship, took to sea like a champ, but when we got back on dry land for supplies…?” The man rubs his bald head in squeamish contemplation.

“Monkey vomit, for days,” Hongo rumbles, moving past you. “Tell me if you feel sick before you vomit on me, okay?”

“I’m not going to vomit on anyone!” you huff out indignantly, still dangling in Benn’s hold while the rest of the crew lumbers off the ship with containers to be filled. “That would be rude and unsightly of me!” Monster lets out a screech and swings himself onto a barrel to glare at you accusatorily. You regard the primate with a frank look. “I am a lady, you are a monkey. You have no expectations to meet, Monster. I do.”

Your words seem to make sense in the monkey’s brain because he leaps back onto Bonk Punch’s shoulder as Benn carefully sets you back on your feet. You still feel like you are swaying, but it isn’t nearly as bad as it had been.

“No one expects anything from you, Aria,” Shanks’ voice comes from behind you as he jogs down the gangplank, adjusting his hat. “So if you vomit on Hongo, no one’s going to judge, or care.” The doctor in question begins grumbling while your face burns.

“I will absolutely not be vomiting on anyone, and that is final!” you clearly state, stamping your makeshift sandal on the dock. “Gods, you are all such… such men!” You erupt, flinging your fingers upwards. Shanks only grins at you and holds out his hand to you.

“I’m glad you noticed. Now, why don’t you stick close? We’re going to be splitting up. The men will get supplies while I get you clothes,” Shanks tells you, watching as your face morphs to give him a look. He takes your hand and pulls you along. “And no making passive-aggressive faces at me, Aria. I already said I was paying and that is final.”

As Shanks pulls you along and away from the rest of the men, Benn leans over to Hongo.

“How much you wanna bet she’s gonna argue with him when it comes time to pay?” Hongo snorts and shakes his head.

“I’ll double whatever you’re placing… there is no way that little lady isn’t going to dig her heels in till the last second. Stubborn as a mule, that one…” Yasopp drops his arms over the two men’s shoulders.

“How ‘bout we make bets on how much he’s gonna spend ‘cause we all know she ain’t going to be allowed to part with a single Berry.” Hongo and Benn nod in agreement, fully realizing that no matter what you say or do, Shanks will be paying at the end of the day. “Alright! Who’s betting what?” Berry numbers are called as the crew makes their way towards the market.

You’ve been led back to the alteration room by Annie, the seamstress of Ingles, and stripped down to your lace bridal underwear and bra set. The woman hasn’t said a word about the clearly too formal undergarments but has informed her assistant that you will also be requiring undergarments with your purchase this day. Annie is no-nonsense in whipping your undergarments off to be measured, and within a matter of only a few minutes, you are wearing a set much more comfortable and appropriate for your new daily life.

Shirts are the easiest to pick out for you. You’ve indicated that you want practical clothing, something that will survive the seas but look nice enough milling around a market. Annie packages up nearly ten shirts of varying designs and colors, all to match the simple trousers you’ve picked out. Two pairs you’ve picked: cream and black. Those colors go with everything. You have picked a pair of grey trousers that are too short for your legs, stopping mid-calf, to wear out of the shop. Annie has tried to convince you to try on a pair that fits the length of your legs, but you have stated that you want to feel the wind on your ankles, so Annie has acquiesced. Now you are picking out a shirt to wear out of the shop and having trouble deciding on a color.

“What about this one?” Annie’s assistant offers, holding up a green shirt that reminds you a lot of the tunic that Shanks often wears. You blink at it, squint in observation, and nod.

“I like that color and style. It’s not too tight but also made from sturdy material,” you speak in approval. “I plan on spending a lot of time traveling. Is it easy to clean?” The assistant nods as Annie walks over, carrying fabric draped over her arm.

“That material is resistant to stains and tearing, but don’t go looking for knife fights,” Annie agrees, also approving of the choice. “It’ll be a good one for spending time at sea. The dye used is resistant to sun bleaching, so the green will last longer.”

“I hadn’t thought about sun bleaching,” you softly comment, scolding yourself for not thinking of such a thing. Your clothes won’t be hanging in a closet meticulously cared for by an army of maids. Placing your hands on your bare hips, you nod firmly. “I would like to wear that shirt out, please set it aside with the trousers.”

“Now, dear, you mentioned wanting to have a nice dress to wear?” Annie speaks, tabbing through some fabrics on a shelf. “Something to impress your man out there?” Your eyes dart to the front of the shop where Shanks is presumably reading the town’s paper. Heat fills your cheeks.

“Not mine, not mine,” you utter out frantically, holding your arms against your chest as if they would keep your heart from beating out of your body. Shanks is a very handsome man. Kind and generous too. But he isn’t yours, and it certainly isn’t a good idea to entertain such a thought… never mind that you don’t really know him in the weeks you’ve spent on the Red Force, and for all you know, he is a terrible person having a nice streak!

It would be nice to have a man like him, though…

You clear your throat, quelling the heat within your cheeks.

“Shanks is not mine. He is just being incredibly kind in helping me out of a tough situation I found myself in. Nothing more,” you say that last part more to yourself than to Annie, and the seamstress raises her eyebrow.

“Oh?” she spouts, eyeing you closer. You may think that you hide your emotions well, but the seamstress is no spring chicken. “Well, dear, not just any man spends this much on a single woman unless he’s got a claim.” That makes you sputter.

“But I said I would pay!” you erupt, embarrassment quickly shifting to anger. “I specifically told him that I would be the one to purchase my clothing, and he had already done enough for me!” Annie snorts this time and rolls her eyes. Oh, to be your age again…

“Tell that to the stack of Berry he handed to me when you were changing…” she says dryly, enjoying the way you huff and puff in belligerence. “Face it, dear, he’s paying whether or not you want him to.” You are left stewing in place as the woman begins to build the dress you want from scratch.

Annie has pinned the dress to your body and made adjustments until you are happy with the result, then spent an extra hour fussing over each and every detail of the lavender fabric that matches your hair so well. You don’t understand why she wants to spend so much time on a dress meant to be something that would never see a ball or gala… but she has muttered something about liking details and the beauty of simplicity. So you let her fuss.

Now you are dressing yourself in the grey trousers, green shirt, shoes that actually fit your feet properly, and looking at the selection of hats available. You’ve braided your hair back so it will be out of the way and less of a hassle while sailing the sea. Most of the hats will fit your need just fine, but it is going to be your hat. You don’t want just any old hat. Unconsciously you find yourself leaning towards the straw hats, liking the way they are simple yet will do their job perfectly.

Plucking a straw hat with a wider brim than others, your finger traces the black ribbon wrapped around it until you stroke the neat bow at the back. It is perfect! It is simple, will do the job, and has just enough femininity to it to match your wardrobe. Turning the hat, you place it on your head and adjust it before walking over to the floor-length mirror you’ve spent the morning standing in front of.

Oh my.

You hardly recognize your reflection. Gone is the refined lady of the Bonn family, replaced by a lavender-haired woman who holds herself with regality but looks like she belongs on a ship at sea.

“It’s perfect,” you sigh happily, running your hands along the coarse material of your trousers. There is nothing delicate about your trousers, your tunic, or your boots. They are built for travel, for daily trekking, for use. Fiddling with the strings hanging from your new hat, you turn on your heel and look to Annie and her assistant. “I’ve never picked my own clothes before. Does this look okay?”

“You look like an average traveler,” Annie tells you, walking forwards and nitpicking nonexistent creases in your clothing. “Which I believe is the look you are going for? Of course, nothing you wear will take away from your natural beauty, dear. Can’t hide that.”

“I just don’t want to be found by my family. It was trouble enough leaving them,” you sigh, picking at the end of your short braid. “Maybe I should dye my hair.”

“That’d be a right shame if you did, miss,” the assistant speaks up. “You don’t want to erase yourself trying to find your freedom. You might lose yourself entirely if you do.” She has a point; you can admit that. So you’ll leave your hair alone and hope that your luck will continue.

“Alright then,” you say, turning to address them. “How much do I owe you?”

“A smile, girl, and if you offer me Berry one more time, I’m going to sic your gentleman on you.” Annie tells you with a strict look. Your shoulders slump, and you let out a soft groan, realizing that Shanks has indeed won this battle. Very well. So you give Annie and the assistant one of your best smiles and thank them before venturing to the front of the shop. You can see Shanks standing outside, across the road from the shop, leaning against the railing of the overlook to the port of Ingles. No doubt he has felt cooped up in the shop.

Knowing that Annie will have your dress and clothes delivered to the Red Force when everything is ready and packed up, you depart the shop and quietly walk up to the red-haired man.

“Finally done, eh?” Shanks asks, admiring the view of the ocean and the breeze he can feel on his face. It is a rather nice day, he has to admit, too bad you have spent most of it inside. Perhaps tomorrow he’ll have more of a chance to show you around.

“I am not happy you wouldn’t let me pay,” you announce, stopping beside him and enjoying the view. Shanks chuckles and rolls his eyes. He has practically spent the entire day arguing with you over who got to pay for your clothes. Shanks has ultimately put his foot down and talked with Annie about not letting you pay.

“Consider it a gift, Aria. You’re starting a new life.” Shanks chuckles before giving you a brief glance. Looking back at the horizon, his head snaps back to you in surprise. He knows that you will be leaving the shop wearing new clothes, but he hasn’t realized just how fitting and beautiful you’d look in just pants and a shirt. While he stares at you, drinking in the sight and realizing just how well you’d fit in with the crew now, you blink at him and wonder if you look odd to him. He sure is staring for a long time.

“Do I look weird in these clothes? Annie said I looked fine, but I feel odd wearing them since I’ve never picked my own clothes before.” Shanks reaches up and flicks his finger along the edge of your straw hat, reminded of a certain boy he’d left behind years ago. You have the same passion in your eyes. A frightfully attractive passion he is slowly coming to terms with. Better move on before you catch on to the fact that he is unabashedly checking you out.

“You look like you fit in with a crowd, Aria. The clothes are perfect,” he says before straightening up. “I got word that the men finished with the resupply and found a tavern. We’ll meet up with them there.”

Date Published: 1/11/24

Last Edit: 7/29/24

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[tradetobest]

bennguin fic rec list (pt 1?)

in honour of the steers and queers anniversary im making a bennguin fic rec list!! it has 14 fics cuz jamie number :))

i wrangled the fuck out of my bookmarks for this, so enjoy :))

Kelowna: Become Human by LadyJanelly

rating: T words: 8.9k summary: What better way is there for a professional hockey team to make sure their prospects can focus on getting NHL ready, than buying them their very own android?

if you know me, you know i am a GIANTTT fan of detroit become human, so this fic is a dream come true for me. it is literally great too like i love it. tyler prioritizing jamie's orders over his programming... oughh....

Custom, Discreet by inlovewithnight

rating: E words: 12k summary: Tyler accidentally discovers Jamie's kink. He is so very on-board.

LINGERIE FIC!! we love.... we love that its JAMIE in the lingerie.... oughhhh

Must Love Dogs by SpiritsFlame

rating: G words: 12k summary: It doesn't occur to Jamie until he's standing on Tyler's front porch at 3am, barefoot, that maybe he should have called first In which Jamie Benn steals a dog, gets his best friend back, and combats toxic masculinity. In more or less that order.

i love this fic so much. cute ass fucking dog. PHENOMENAL use of the premise.

Featuring Marshall by wutheringjane

rating: G words: 4.1k summary: Tyler's latest video was called "GUESS WHO'S GOING TO DALLAS"

YOUTUBER AUUUUUU!!!!!! oh my god i am OBSESSED w youtube aus. and this ones so fucking cute too. theyre fans of each other your honour

the old brag of my heart (I am, I am, I am) by Mayhem10

rating: G words: 9.9k summary: Sometimes people forget that Jamie Benn exists.

this is part of the condition of existence series, and it's the second one in the series, but the whole series is phenomenal. i replay tyler's discovery moment in my brain over and over (OH YEAH, READ THE FIRST ONE DIRECTLY FROM THIS LINK)

Pitches Love Velocity by bohnem990

rating: T words: 12k summary: There’s no use in talking about money to Tyler, Brownie knows. It’s the reason that Brownie was the one to major in business in college, while Tyler majored in drinking with a minor in marketing. “If you want to drop a grand on one night at a sports event can’t you at least spend it on a real sport?” Several people, Tyler included, gape at him. “Like hockey,” Brownie barrels on, “We could totally go to a hockey game. We’re Canadian, Segs! We’re supposed to eat, sleep, and breathe hockey!” -- Alternately : “Dude,” Brownie laughs, “I think Jamie Benn’s agent just asked you to fuck him.”

THIS FIC. tyler at the restaurant lives rent free. FRAT BOY ASS. i love them so much.

Something Wild by Linsky

pairing: tyler seguin/jamie benn

rating: E words: 3k summary: The girl on Tinder is typing again. why don’t you show me how good you are with a cock Tyler coughs and drops his phone. That’s—wow. He did not expect her to go there.

oh my god. oh my god. tyler is such a dumbass here and i love it. im OBSESSED. 10/10 misunderstanding fic.

something over nothing any day by clawsandsympathy

rating: G words: 1.5k summary: “About this time on Hawkeye in the Morning, we run a little segment called Second Date Update. When someone has a great first date but never make it to the second date, they call us and we try to help them out. Tyler, can you tell us how you met Jamie?”

i think this fic is adorable. the concept is so fuckin cute and i think its executed well w some tropes i really like :))

I Know a Little Chapel by Linsky

rating: M words: 4.5k summary: Tyler Seguin is a very good wedding planner. Which is why he’s not freaking out that Jamie Benn of the Dallas fucking Stars is sitting in his office.

wedding plannerrrrrr auuu!!!!!!!!! tyler planning jordies wedding isnt something i knew i needed but by god did i

sneeze by Anonymous

rating: T words: 5.3k summary: Tyler had never actually heard Jamie purr. It was the strangest goddamn thing.

THIS FIC IS ADORABLE i love the story around why jamie's purrs are Like That. and tyler misunderstanding. ough ITS PERF

let's give them something to talk about by Anonymous

rating: T words: 2.6k summary: ashlee @/messysegsy - Sep 15 why does it feel like everyone got #OneTImerTour tickets except for me??????? @/tylerseguin please explain (5 replies 3 retweets 20 likes)

first part of the rheotaxis series!! i am a big sucker for social media aus, and aus in general, and musician/hockey is a trope i LOVE (shout out to that mceichel fic) so this is the perfect fic for me. unironically perfect.

scar tissue by eternalvariegation

rating: T words: 12k summary: Jamie still remembers when they were practically living out of each other’s pockets, the memory twinging like a muscle he hasn’t used in a long time but that his body hasn’t forgotten. It was probably inevitable that they’d see less of each other once Jamie formally requested that they no longer go into the field together but it still hits him sometimes. The tangible feeling of loss despite it having been his own decision in the end. Tyler didn’t speak to him for a month after he found out. 

SPY AU oh my gosh. "partner doing what he thinks is best for other partner. it is not best" is such an insane trope and i love it so much in this fic. done incredibly well. please read this.

Arms of the Sea by LadyJanelly

rating: T words: 3.7k summary: Jamie gives her back to the sea when she dies, three years into their marriage, their baby still inside her. He sews her up in sailcloth with the porridge pot she brought from her mother’s house, a stone from their shared hearth, scaling knife, thimble and needle. He sails out to the deep water and lowers her into the water, weeps as she sinks into the ocean’s embrace. He sails back to land and gives his boat to his brother. He will not return to the ocean. It is a graveyard to him now. He finds a job in a logging camp, and for a year his feet are dry, his lips do not taste of salt.

incredibly emotional and beautiful fic. op wonders whether their execution of the concept is dull and pretentious in the opening notes and i think that is the worst part of this fic, only because it does such a disservice to it. RAHH i love it

wandering bee seeks the rose by clachnaben

rating: E words: 8.7k summary: Jamie Benn coaches a youth hockey team and Tyler is a determined Hockey Mom. Meet cutes and queer women and youth hockey

yk i had to shout out the lesbians to round it out. sexy hockey mom tyler lives in my head rent free and i dont even like women.

[rollinouttahere-writes]

Honestly if Shanks is as far into delulu land as I think and honestly believes that turning his pirate ship into a family home is a good idea, then Usopp needs to watch his back because I fully expect that Shanks logic will go crew = family, Yassop = crew, therefore Yassop’s family is Shanks’ family and Usopp is his nephew or something

Even funnier considering that Yassop is absolutely terrified of seeing Usopp again, mans literally said that they couldn’t go to Wano because he wasn’t ready to see Usopp and his legs were shaking, so he’s on his knees pleading for Shanks to stop, but Shanks simply refuses to comprehend

Shanks' logic is that having more familiar faces on board would help Doll readjust to being back. So who better than Usopp? His dad is right here!

Yassop is not ready for that confrontation. He's so absent that I'm not even sure he knows that Banchina has been dead for years. Imagine the fucking look on Usopp's face when Yassop casually asks how she's doing. Shanks won't be the only man on board whose child is hunting him for sport.

Benn is considering mutiny.

[count-alucard-tepes]

Imagine op hotties with a S/O who is a ballerina or was a ballerina but still practices their routines. I love ballet.🩰

Kizaru ✨

He watched his S/O practice and doesn’t get enough of how amazing they are. He always praises them for the grace.

Akainu🌋

He thinks it’s cute and massages his S/O’s feet after they train because he knows how it can be taxing on the body.

Ryokugyu 🌱

He thinks that his S/O is really talented and praises them for it. He helps them stretch and then just watches them practice.

Fujitora 🐅

He doesn’t know much about ballet but he knows that his S/O is passionate about it so he encourages them to continue what they love.

Sir Crocodile 🐊

He would take his S/O to ballet performances all over the world so that they could enjoy these performances with him.

Doflamingo Donquixote 🦩

He would make sure their dance studio at the palace was designed to their liking so that they always have a special place for themselves.

Benn Beckman 🔫

He does appreciate the grace of his S/O and compliments them even after they have children that they never lost their figure.

Katakuri Charlotte 🍡

He could watch his S/O all day and night practicing or just prancing around in their outfit, he thinks they’re so adorable. (Also I need to see Kata in a ballet outfit, he’s so cute)

Killer🔪

He tries to practice with his S/O as he is super light on his feet and getting tips from his S/O makes him a quicker fighter. So he is all for his S/O continuing their favorite hobby/sport/art.

Kaido🐉

He is very supportive in what ever his S/O is interested in even though he does not particularly like it. He does admire his S/O being such a beautiful dancer though.

King 👑

He make sure when ever he is traveling and find little ballet trinkets, he would get it for his S/O as he knows it wold make them happy.

Queen👑

He incorporates in his rap songs about his S/O being a ballerina and how amazing they are. He will not stop praising them and even has them choreographer.

Izou🔫🔫

He loves to learn a new dance style so he would share his knowledge of dance and practices with his S/O too.

Dragon D Monkey 🐉🐒

He doesn’t know much about ballet until he met his S/O and he began to appreciate it even more. He likes to watch his S/O dance too.

Oven Charlotte 🍞

He doesn’t know much about ballet but he is very supportive of his S/O and encourages them to teach his younger siblings as they’re so good at it.

Buggy🤡

He is in awe of his S/O when they first show him they knew ballet and from them he always asked his S/O to pursue their hobby and blushes as he watches them dance.

Marco the Phoenix 🦅

He often reads about ballet since he met his S/O and even attended a performance with his S/O, the look of happiness on his S/O face was priceless to him.

[starcrossedjedis]

⌨ + Bring Me the Horizon? 🖤

It' actually from "Beyond the Horizon" shht 😅

"We're leaving."

Shanks didn’t wait for his men to catch up and hurried towards the port in long, angry strides.

"We're going to Windmill Village to stock up on provisions. Then we'll make for the grandline. It's time someone put an end to this nonesense."

"Did you just say we're headed for the grandline???" Benn called after him, not sure wether or not he'd heard that one right, but his captain seemed in no talking mood.

The door behind him opened once more and Buggy stepped out onto the street. The clown looked even worse than Shanks had, sporting an impressive black eye and a nasty cut splitting one of his eyebrows. Other than the red haired pirate, he seemed to be in an exceptionally good mood for someone who'd just had the crap beaten out of him. When he flashed Benn a crooked grin there was blood on his teeth.

"What the hell happened in there?" the Red Force's first mate demanded to know.

Buggy took his sweet time silently mulling over wether or not the man in front of him was deserving of an answer until he finally shrugged as if to say might as well.

"You might wanna keep an eye on your Captain," he quipped. "He' probably shouldn't be making life altering decisions for himself or others right now."

"Oh yeah? And why's that?"

That bloody smile grew even wider, reminding Benn why even as a kid he hadn't been overly fond of clowns. Creepy freak.

"Because I just told him [cut for spoiler]

... that his daughter calls me Uncle Buggy."

"His what?"

[cgsf]

Men's Hockey (RPF) fanfiction recs:

Jamie Benn/Tyler Seguin

"A Fool for Lesser Things" (E) by Linsky | 11,553 | Still, though—no way. People don’t just forget four years of their lives. “You’re gonna need to give me way more than that if you want me to believe you,” Jamie says. “Did he wake up yet?” someone asks, and Tyler fucking Seguin walks into the room.

"I Feel Like I’ve Been Locked Up Tight" (E) by Linsky | 33,976 | Jamie’s not sure where he missed the boat on the whole sex thing.

"Something Like a Crush" (E) by purplecatsweater | 3,807 | It isn’t that Jamie isn’t incredibly aware of how close Tyler is – his fingers curled over Jamie’s arm, his leg thrown over Jamie’s, his breath coming in short bursts against Jamie’s collarbone once he shuts up and actually pays attention to the movie. Really, it’s just that Jamie is used to it. Tyler wouldn’t know what personal space was if it smacked him in the face, and Jamie’s never really complained.

"gonna have to ask about" (E) by ferrassie | 6,783 | This is not Tyler’s apartment. He has no idea how he got here or who he’s sleeping beside, face hidden in the pillow. He’s been sitting up long enough to wake him, though. “Tyler,” he says, voice muffled and rough with sleep. “You awake?” He looks up with half-lidded eyes, dark hair a mess.

"Door to Door" 🔒 (E) by Ferritin4 | 10,148 | "I work two jobs. I’m Tyler," Tyler says, extending his hand. "Do you want to come in?" Well, he’s not doing anything illegal, Jamie thinks, shaking it, because no criminal in the history of crime has ever willingly invited a cop into their house, and there is no one in the city of Dallas who hasn’t pegged Jamie as a cop within six seconds of meeting him.

"Whatever You Want" (E) by LouLa | 2,449 | Jamie's possessive streak is something Tyler’s seen more and more of over the past few weeks.

"you haven't moved an inch" (M) by blinkiesays | 7,301 | To be honest, Jamie's gotten drunk and woken up in relationships before. He's not proud, but, you know. It is what it is. He just didn't think it would ever happen with somebody like Tyler.

"God, You Two Are So Married" (E) by popfly | 3,900 | 75% of what people say when they're joking is true. When it comes to Jamie and Tyler's fake wedding it's more like 99.9%.

"definitely, maybe" 🔒 (T) by carissima | 7,935 | He’s never met anyone and thought that they could be The One. But he looks at Jamie and he thinks, maybe.

"Captivated by You, Baby" (E) by Linsky | 9,049 | Tyler said to watch, but—Jamie’s pretty sure this isn’t what he meant.

"it's not a slow dance (this modern romance)" 🔒 (M) by fadeastride | 3,989 | He knows he's a little stupid when it comes to Jamie, a little too easy, a little blind to the rules of platonic friendship. Still, there's no reason for the next thing out of his mouth to be, “Hell, I could do it.”

"Sex Bomb" (E) by my99centdreams | 7,175 | He's got to say something. He's got to. They've been together for almost a year now and his - his need for this god damn word has been here for the entire fucking time. He can't escape it. He wants it so bad.

"Look at the wonderful mess that we made" (E) by sherlockelly | 89,563 | A name-on-wrist soulmate AU where being outed by a same-sex name is still newsworthy if you're in professional sports and is a very real concern for some NHL players. Despite the shifting attitudes, no one in the sport has ever come out publicly. Tyler has always felt relieved that 'Jamie' could be a male or female name, it makes hiding his sexuality a lot easier. Jamie's not been so lucky.

"baby, i want to touch you" 🔒 (E) by teamfreeawesome | 1,376 | So, maybe Tyler has a thing about Jamie's thighs.

"Taste Me" 🔒 (E) by teamfreeawesome | 2,005 | So, maybe Tyler has thing for a post-fight Jamie.

"swear it won't take you long" 🔒 (E) by ladyalysv | 9,823 | Tyler's pretty good at not thinking about stuff. Like, professionally.

"Next Level Bromanship" (E) by disarm_d | 7,974 | The thing that Jamie didn't realize was that even if he wasn't a guy, he still wouldn't be Tyler's type.

"but here's my number" (G) by ifonlynotnever | 1,711 | Tyler is drunk, and Jamie's number is just there.

"rearrange the alphabet" (T) by Aurum | 2,834 | Apparently Jamie's soulmate likes awful pick-up lines. It both is and isn't as bad as it sounds.

"off-ice situation" 🔒 (M) & "carving space" 🔒 (M) by anonymous | 18,767 | He waggles his eyebrows, grins and looks over at Jamie like do you want to tell them or should I? Jamie elbows him and everyone laughs, and neither one of them can stop smiling. Crisis averted.

"Once More With Feeling" 🔒 (E) by SpiritsFlame | 55,431 | Tyler is a romantic. He thinks that anyone who gets to the NHL has to be, to pin everything on an almost impossible dream. He won't admit it, but he'd been looking forward to his Loop, to meeting the person he's going to spend his life with, over and over. Looking forward to the endless days of getting to know them, the two of them trapped in a moment together. He didn't think he was going to be in it alone, on the tail end of a bad trade, with no soulmate in sight. He didn't think it would be like this.

"too fragile just to guess" (M) by SpiritsFlame | 14,672 | Jamie has done stupider things than agree to go be Tyler's date to the wedding. So what if they'd been sleeping together for two years. So what if they stopped a few months ago. So what if Jamie isn't over it, and probably never will be. He's done stupider things. Just not by much.

"caused a scene" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype | 1,047 | There are two Halloween parties every year: the one where PR gets nice, family-friendly photos of cute kids and couples costumes and usually some dogs, and the one at Tyler's.

"my mouth is filled with honey" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype | 2,345 | Tyler likes Jamie's body so much. Tyler likes Jamie, so much, too.

"I'm Awfully Fond Of You" (E) by SomebodyOwens | 3,993 | Step 1: Publish Nudes in ESPN. Step 2: ????? Step 3: PROFIT!

"Holding Patterns" (M) by suburbanmotel | 5,342 | “Being between one thing and another,” Tyler says again, the phone close against his ear and mouth now. “Well, that’s us, isn’t it. That’s us.”

••••••

This is an ongoing list.

[back-and-totheleft]

"I don't assume I have any power"

Robert Downey Jnr, no stranger to nocturnal excess, once observed how an evening out with Oliver Stone was 'like pagan Rome, 26AD'. When I meet the director at lunchtime in a hotel room in Edinburgh he looks very much as if he is regretting just such a night-before. His eyes seem wary of the light; his big gap-toothed grin could equally be a wince; he reaches with some fervour for coffee.

In fact, Stone's fatigue is innocently explained. He has, he says, flown in the previous night from Bangkok where he has been scouting locations for his life of Alexander the Great, starring Colin Farrell, which goes into production next month. (Stone is not a man to shy away from the big subject: having made his obsessive epics on JFK and Nixon, there are not that many ways to up the stakes, but Alexander is possibly one.)

'We're doing the stage work in England,' he says, 'a lot of other stuff in Thailand and Morocco. It's a fast shoot. We have to do the whole thing in a hundred days. So it's going to be like an old-fashioned military machine.'

In the past year, Stone has had a good deal of first-hand experience of how just such an operation might work. He is in Edinburgh to launch the documentary film he has made about Castro's Cuba, Comandante, the result of an unprecedented three days of interviews with the dictator. The film was scheduled to be shown by the HBO network in America in May. 'But unfortunately,' Stone explains, apparently surprised, 'it got politicised by the Cuban American lobby in Miami. Millions of emails were sent to HBO. They really pounded it. And, of course,' he adds, 'Castro gave them some juice by arresting these dissidents in April.' HBO pulled the film.

The irony of this is, Stone suggests, straightfaced, that he was not at all trying to make anything 'political'. 'I mean, I ask him a few questions. But it was a broad picture of a strong man, a comandante. I wanted to ask him his feelings about life and death, about the future, about globalisation, philosophy rather than politics…'

The best moments of their encounter offer little human insights, as Stone's neurotic camera dwells on the detail of Castro's life: the dictator's boots with a Nike logo, the exercise regime he undergoes in his office, keeping in shape, at 75, for his people; his coy admission of having enjoyed Titanic and Gladiator and how Sophia Loren was his pin-up. Sometimes, too, Stone's bluff line of questioning works. 'Everyone seems to like you, Fidel. Why don't you hold an election?'

Often though, Stone's film threatens to take its place alongside the key sycophantic interviews of our times, Clive James on Barbra Streisand, say, or Tony Benn on Saddam Hussein. In part this seems a technical fault. The intimacy Stone is afforded by the use of digital cameras does not sit well with his love of bold gesture and grand emotion; he struggles with subtlety and contradiction and wit. Damien Hirst, oddly, once said that 'Oliver Stone had no irony, and I applaud him for that'. That lack is very much to the fore in Comandante.

Stone the interviewer is predictably anxious to be a co-star, sporting a dictator's moustache, and stranded somewhere between acolyte and best buddy. Much of the fascination of Comandante thus comes from his increasingly clumsy efforts to establish a kind of locker-room banter with Castro.

At one point Stone, with a leery grin, offers to break the American blockade by smuggling Castro some Viagra (as if, we are invited to understand, either man would ever require it?). In a limo, Stone becomes Ruby Wax and starts rummaging through the stuff on the back seat. Inevitably, he comes up with a gun. 'Do you still know how to use it, Fidel?' he wonders, his arm around the older man's shoulder. Just for a moment Castro looks tempted to remind himself.

Despite appearances, the pair had met only once before, in 1989 at the Havana film festival, which featured Salvador, Stone's first film. 'I thought he was a charming man,' he recalls, 'and a movie star, no question about it. The hard part of Comandante was cutting. We could have used almost anything from the 30 hours of film. I was amazed at his inner strength. His morality. He really believes in a dream. It's like Don Quixote.'

And is he as naive as Quixote at times, too?

'No, he reads voluminously. He reads the internet, he reads books, he loves writers, he's friends with [Gabriel García] Márquez. He's an introspective man. He talks about the terrible effects of global warming…'

And he also would have sanctioned a nuclear war…

'He had a good life, but he chose a hard path, and he has stuck with it. Stayed in power. The truth is, it seems to me, the people like him.'

In conversation, as in his work, Stone is not inclined to shades of grey. In the film he happily lets Castro get away with his assertion that Cuba is the 'most democratic country on earth' and explain how he has furthered the cause of gay liberation (Castro expelled many gays, along with 'other scum' in 1980, and they are not allowed to join his party). I wonder whether Stone decided not to press him on these issues because he thought it important simply to give Castro a platform?

'Whether he is in denial or not, my job is not to judge the veracity of his answers,' Stone says. 'My job is to try to open him up, really like a movie director tries to open up an actor. If you see deception, it is up to you. If you see him lying about torture or about gays, then that is up to you. I did not see it, but I present it for you to judge.'

He suggests there are some freedoms in Cuba that are not enjoyed in America, the freedom to see his film for a start. Could he work there, live there, do a Hemingway?

'No,' he says, with slightly belligerent illogic, 'because I was raised in the North, in North America. But if I grew up in Cuba I would grow up healthy, with an education, no doubt a foreign language, whereas if I grew up in Honduras or Guatemala I would probably get sick, likely die before I was three. I'd be scared shitless of government troops coming through and taking my mom and dad out and saying, "Who did you vote for in the last election?"'

But Castro has been in a position to create proper democracy?

'The people in these places do not care about elections,' Stone says. 'They care about good water and healthcare. The things of life. The things that Iraq for example needs now. No one there is wondering about voting, they want electric ity and sanitation. That's what matters.'

It would be fair to say that Stone, the Vietnam veteran, has never run away from a controversy. (Rather, he's prepared to fly half way around the world to promote one.) Comandante, of course, offers him another chance to expose some raw nerves at home, and for good measure he has just completed a similar film about Yasser Arafat. These are the latest chapters in a career in which he has spent Oscar night with Mexico's Zapatista guerrillas and been sued for responsibility in the murders committed in America by a young pair of teenage lovers who had stayed up all night watching his film Natural Born Killers. (The case was thrown out, but the film, a glamorously violent 'attack' on glamorised violence, struggled to recover.)

Though he is reluctant to say so, Stone's element is this kind of scandal. It allows him to indulge his maverick self-image. In some respects he proves, according to Michael Douglas (who won an Oscar in his film Wall Street) 'that in Hollywood you can be an artist and a capitalist at the same time', though Stone's critics would dispute the first description and he would take exception to the latter.

For a while, at least, he seemed to have understood the trick of making powerful issue-led films (Salvador, Born on the Fourth of July) that also appealed to the box office. (Platoon, his 'anti-establishment' Vietnam film, made $160 million.) He says he sees all of his films as coming out of the same place. 'I work from a need to dramatise what I see in the world around me,' he says, a vision that typically involves an element of megalomania, a dose of paranoia, and a liberated relationship with historical fact.

Are his insights about Castro feeding into his idea of Alexander the Great?

'Being with a world leader, seeing him work, has given me more insight into power, certainly. It is interesting to feel it, that power. The thing about these people, be it JFK or Nixon or Castro, is that the things that they are dealing with are the things we all deal with except on a much grander scale. I mean Nixon's government, it seemed to me, was a result of his childhood demons. Castro had a very happy childhood. And that seems to be the root of his sense of morality. He has married just one time; he may have many other children, but he has stayed true to that idea of marriage.'

In this (arguable) propriety, Stone has suggested, Castro reminded him of his late father, Louis. If he were making a film of his own life - and perhaps all his films are that to a degree - you are left in little doubt that his father would figure centrally in it. Louis was a successful Wall Street broker; the family had Jewish roots, a fact which Oliver was told to deny because of his father's fears of persecution. Pointedly, Stone dedicated both Nixon , his study in paranoia, and Wall Street , his morality play on greed, to his father (whose evening Scotch Oliver once laced with LSD); the films could be seen, in turn, as a working through of his own demons.

Despite his apparent obsession with powerful men, though, Stone does not believe that he is in thrall to power himself, still less trying to force the world to fit his idea of it. 'I don't for one second assume I have any power,' he says. 'I can make a movie that has an effect on the world, like JFK say. But real power is something you build on, can hold on to. In movies you start over every fucking time. I am concerned about power, but I have no power.'

I quote to him something his wife once said - 'I don't think Oliver could make a movie without being completely in love with the main character' - and wonder if that applied to Castro?

'To a degree,' he says. 'But that does not mean that I would be in love with a dictator if I did not admire him. I mean I'm not going to fall for Saddam Hussein. But I would try to humanise him. Nixon was the greatest liar of all. But I tried to humanise him. We should not get into the Hollywood thing of always having a sympathetic hero, because it undermines drama. Can we really say we like Oedipus? Or Lear? But they make great drama. America sentimentalises drama.'

There must, given his engagement in the here and now, be a temptation to bring his own American vision up to date? Has he thought about doing an Iraq film, or an al-Qaeda film?

'Well, I think a terrorist film would be an important thing to do,' he says, 'but you know even Comandante can't get on the air in America. The British are much more independent-minded: you see that in this inquiry that is going on. In America it is much more easy to float a stupid idea - you know, Iraq is the source of the 9/11 attacks - and people in the main will buy into that without questioning it too much.'

The great challenge for someone like him, in this environment is, he says, to stay true to himself. He hopes that, in 20 years' time, at 75, he will still stand for something, like Castro. 'It is very hard to maintain a vision and a voice. Nobody wants singular statements.'

Stone is pessimistic about his prospects of getting his own singular statements financed because he believes these attitudes are hardening. 'There's a danger,' he says, 'that we are turning into a giant lynch mob, you know, that mentality. The greatest film to be made at the moment would be a version of The Ox-Bow Incident, that Henry Fonda movie. A movie about hanging three people in a cowboy town. That blind vigilantism is what you see everywhere in America now, in the media, in the people. America wants to see Schwarzenegger wiping up the baddies. They wanted vengeance for 9/11. They wanted to kill Arabs. That was why Bush got away with it. It was a lie, that war, and as Goebbels I think said, the bigger the lie, the more they will believe it.'

However much you think that phrase could happily sum up the director's career, Stone is one of the few Americans prepared, eager, to say that the reaction to 11 September was 'disproportionate and hysterical'. What we need, he says, is a Costa-Gavras to come along and make a big film about terrorism and imperialism. Part of him certainly wishes he could do it but he believes there 'would be so much pre-judgment of it, no one would want to go near it'.

Instead, Stone is looking forward to finding some contemporary resonance in Alexander the Great's imperial progress. Baz Luhrmann is making a film about Alexander too (with Leonardo DiCaprio as the lead) and you imagine the pair will offer, if nothing else, a compelling contrast in style: Stone's polemical realism against Luhrmann's insistent light-footedness.

Stone says, of course, that there is no element of competition, though it is hard to imagine him not relishing it. The only thing he admits to be racing against is the script. 'You could tell any number of stories about Alexander because he is such a powerful character. But we are going to make an attempt at one. It's a big-budget movie, but of course,' he says, grinning, 'I will be shooting it like a guerrilla, I guess.' He likes that idea. 'No rest for one hundred days!' For a moment, the prospect seems to wake him up.

-Tim Adams, "Oliver's One Man Army," The Observer, Aug 31 2003

[interstellar-debris]

*slides in Risky Business style*

Hello, you glamorous rock star! I've got an idea for you. Would you be interested in doing some headcanons for Beckman, Shanks, and Reader (if you're comfortable, I know you mentioned being new at it!) for this lovely holiday/winter season? I think we could all use a bit of fluff this time of year to counter the added stress and what better way than with two of the best pirates/parents on the seas? Thank you for hearing me out, for your time and effort, and I hope you have a marvelous December!

Hi, my dear shining friend! This made me so excited that I literally wrote this at 1 am. Your order of fluffy (and fun, if I may say) hcs with two of the most fearsome pirates is up! I hope you will enjoy it!

Winter HCs

°Characters & reader pronouns: Shanks; Benn Beckman & GN reader in mind

°Synopsis: What would winter with these two fine pirates be? (Add to it a sprinkle of the crew shenanigans)

°A/N: I did it with GN reader in mind, but if I missed smt, pls let me know.

Cozy moments in the quarters. Just you, Shanks, Beck, and your hot beverage of choice. And yes, there are definitely plenty of eggnog refills. 

Speaking of eggnog, Roux has mastered the art of most alcoholic, while still delicious eggnog…, and now the first mate is on babysitting duty twice as much. 

Despite the crew being a loud one in general, I can guarantee that both Shanks and Beckman love those quiet winter moments - candles, fluffy blankets, yummy beverages, and time, which feels like it has slowed down so you could fully appreciate this all. 

Be prepared though. The second the deck gets under a blanket of snow, chaos ensues; even if only among the three of you, though more usually than not everyone gets dragged into this icy war. And while yes, Shanks usually starts the fight, don't get fooled by the usually laid-back Beckman. He can, and will, throw the snowball with scary accuracy…

Usually, you and Shanks get together to bring the first mate down, but occasionally your lovers side against you, and well… good luck, you are screwed.

Fair warning: if the crew is involved, be prepared for them nagging the hell out of Yasopp and Beckman, riling them up, until it ends in a snowball sharpshooting competition… It has already happened several times, and you can't convince me otherwise.

Baths. Especially after playing in the snow. Shanks has a bigass bath,  which can fit the three of you comfortably, so that's where you go for the evening - if it's time.

On another note - Shanks is a little shit! Even more in the wintertime. He will have the cutest and most innocent look on his face… and then he will shove his icy cold hands under your clothes - cuz gloves are for weak! - all while sporting a proud smile. He is happy, cuz he caught you unaware. Meanwhile, Beckman leaves the moment he sees that look on his lover's face; he fell for it far too many times than he wants to admit. And no, he doesn't alert you. Learn it the hard way - as he had to.

Beckman will, however, make up for his betrayal by being extra cuddly. I like to think that he comes from a fairly warm island, so he isn't the best in dealing with cold weather… Luckily Shanks runs hot, and who wouldn't mind some extra cuddles with this fine man, you certainly don't. 

Beckman can't skate. He just doesn't do it. I mean, Shanks can't skate either, but only when sober - no one knows why or how, but the moment Shanks gets on the ice drunk… he is a pro ice skater. He is not allowed though, Hongo banned him, saying that he doesn't need any more stress in his life. He would like to have his hair stay blonde for at least a couple more years. -

Speaking of the duo stressing the hell out of the ship doctor; Lime Juice made a bet with Shanks once, that Shanks can't persuade the first mate to try skiing… A week later Hongo was the one who collected the money to buy a splint for Beckman´s broken leg and sprained wrist, while Shanks mopped around being scolded by the doctor.

So, all I am saying is: “Good luck, you will need it. And please give extra appreciation to the ship doctor, for making sure they survive the winter months, okay.”

[rukia-writes]

Sugar Daddy! Shanks x Sugar baby!Reader

Setting: modern au

Plot: Billionaire Shanks is sugar daddy to a beautiful professional cheerleader and spoils her quite a bit. Financially and sexually.

Warnings: 18+ no minors 🔞, rough sex, daddy kink, uniform kink.

a sweet face.

a sweet face.

a sweet face.

Everything started with a familiar red haired man needing a new face for his highly prosperous company worth billions at the very least.

A few models came to mind and so did a few athletes.

In truth, a lot of people wanted to be the new face of Shanks company and Shanks interviewed the exhaustive list personally with his fellow board members.

But there was one that caught his attention.

A upcoming professional cheerleader.

Shanks thought she was perfect with her bright attitude and smile.

If Shanks couldn’t have her as the new face of his company he definitely wanted to get to know her personally. As luck would have it, when the CEO offered the idea of having her as the new face to the board members they all agreed.

Shanks could have just went ahead and pushed everything thru but he wanted a second opinion, plus his friends were on the board committee and he valued their opinion. From there, the two had a friendship of sorts. Shanks being the friendly wealthy friend and being there for her whenever she needed anything until a night of passion changed everything.

This night is when Shanks and (Name) started their unique relationship.

Shanks offered to be her sugar daddy and to provide her with whatever she wanted, it was an offer (Name) didn’t want to refuse. While it was very beneficial for both parties the two didn’t notice how close they were becoming over the next months.

In the VIP area, known as the luxury box a group of wealthy men were watching the game from several television screens, drinking expensive and not so expensive alcohol while either sitting on the lounge chairs or getting alcohol at the bar.

The tall and handsome billionaire was drinking with his friends, it was a big game after all and he needed some downtime.

Is what it seemed to everyone.

But in truth, Shanks was there to see his beautiful cheerleader  that he had been with for little over a year now and the cheerleader had stolen his heart.

Spoiling her was now a everyday thing.

While partying the red haired man would look at the television screen whenever she was on the screen, absolutely loving it when she wore her cheerleading outfit.

Shanks really enjoyed seeing her in that.

Benn Beckman was the only one suspected that Shanks had someone, he didn’t know his boss had a sugar baby. Today, however  while the two were playing cards he noticed his boss would look at the screen at certain times and every-time he noticed a certain cheerleader was on screen.

“Interesting game isn’t?”

“Hm? Oh yeah, it’s going to be a good game.”

Shanks was kindly caught off guard by Beckman asking just a simple question. From then on Shanks tried to make his little secret not so obvious. Shanks gave her allowance her every month, a rather nice allowance every-month.

In all honesty, (Name) could have retired from cheerleading but she truly loved the sport. Shanks wanted to see her practice but was too busy with work to watch, instead Shanks was fortunate to see a more intimate version of (Name)’s practice moves.

Shanks fell in love with that.

(Name) was falling in love with red haired man not because of his money but how sweet and thoughtful he was, the sex was an added bonus.

On the football field, (Name) was shy as she and the millions of others watched the new commercial that Shanks company had just finished on the huge television screens that the stadium had. The audience was cheering and (Name)’s teammates hugged and cheered her as well.

A sure fire hit.

Still, all the attention she received was a bit overwhelming but it was also a good feeling.

Once the game was over news-reporters were all over the cheerleaders and football players, not to mention all the high rollers that attended the game.

“What’s your relationship with Shanks?!”

“What was it like making the commercial?”

(Name) and Shanks were bombarded with questions from the paparazzi and news reporters. It was all new for the new cheerleader as she tried to answer all their questions, however for the CEO it was just another day.

Shanks did get a surprise from the cheerleaders as the head captain wanted to take a picture with the wealthy CEO and his board, one big group picture for  the major new reporters seeing as how they would be talking about the games for the next week.

It was supposed to be harmless group photo.

However, the CEO had to have a little fun with his sexy sugar baby.

While the group was huddled up close together smiling for the camera Shanks and (Name) were hugging side by side just like everyone else, Shanks slowly eased his hand from the small of (Name)’s back to her ass causing her to hold in her gasp and hide her surprise all while trying to smile like a crazy person.

Shanks had an perfect smile in the photo however, mainly because he was secretly laughing.

it was rather late when (Name) made it over to Shanks’s home and she let the man know just how she felt about his little stunt that he pulled. Not that Shanks cared much as he played as though he didn’t know what she was talking about with a big grin on his face.

“Okay then, if this is the game you want to play. No sex tonight.”

(Name) had her arms crossed to her chest with a smile on her face with her cheerleading outfit still on, the news made Shanks lose his grin fairly quickly and his tune changed completely.

“Now wait a second, it was-I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you.”

“Oh yeah? I have been wanting to go on your yacht here lately with my friends.”

Shanks grimaced while thinking of an answer, his yacht that he just purchased was not just expensive but was custom made and it was his “toy”. (Name) knew this as she was there when it was finally finished.

“My yacht huh?”

“Yes, a all girls vacation.”

A heavy sigh left Shanks as he scratched his head as he thought about the situation, (Name) didn’t have to as she knew Shanks most likely wouldn’t go for it and would come up with another solution but it was entertaining to see the CEO thinking and softly talking to himself.

“Fine, we have a deal.”

Shanks extended his head for (Name) to shake but the cheerleader was surprised that the man agreed as she looked at his hand then back to him. Shanks gave her a look that conveyed “shake my hand.” But (Name) hid her hand behind her back while Shanks was a bit confused.

“Are you sure? I mean, it’s your precious yacht.”

“True, but having you for the night is more valuable.”

Shanks responded calmly responded back to the now bashful cheerleader who was turned on by Shanks’s words and the man didn’t even realize until a few seconds later as a sly smile came to his face.

“Come on, shake on it.”

Shanks teased as he waited for his sugar baby to shake his hand and with a smile she finally shook Shanks’s hand.

That same hand that (Name) shook Shanks’s hand with would leave scratch marks down his back.

it was a good thing (Name) had good stamina with flexibility as Shanks had her in various in positions throughout the night, his thick cock stretched her and his lengthy cock filled all her pussy leaving little to no room with her legs on his broad shoulders as he savagely hit her g-spot over and over again.

The room was filled with (Name)’s shameless moans and even when she covered her mouth to muffle herself as she took all of Shanks’s cock but the man removed her hand from her mouth and held down her wrist to the bed as a little chuckle came from Shanks when he did this and when he heard her whimper his name he teased her by saying her name in a teasing voice. Which only made the him moan as he felt her tighten on his cock making his cock twitch a few times inside her achingly needy cunt.

“Say it. Say it for me.”

Again.

Shanks was teasing her as she knew what Shanks meant and she moaned his name quickly this time in a “don’t make me say it.” But since the first time Shanks heard her say it he wanted to always hear her say it everytime he was deep inside her. Whispering “I’ll stop fucking you if you don’t say it.” (Name) begged him not to as she knew Shanks would keep to his word.  “Give me more, daddy.” The headboard made one “bang” noise followed by several more as (Name)’s whimpers and moans echoed throughout Shanks’s room as Shanks muttered “mine” and “that’s fucking right”  over and over as he rutted his hips against hers as his cock already leaking pre-cum inside her cunt.

Shanks practically had his way with her as (Name) gave herself over to lust and her desires. Not caring if she sounded like a porn star all that mattered to her was the mind numbing orgasm that was rising, Shanks did manage to kiss her on the cheek and instead holding her wrist down he held her hand.

Before long, Shanks was now moaning as he felt his own orgasm arriving while muttering “so good” and “you like that, huh?” The way (Name) felt on his cock made Shanks say things he normally wouldn’t, he could only describe the feeling of when he fucked his sugar baby as perfect.

She was perfect.

When both reached their orgasm Shanks knew he was in love with his sugar baby as his cock twitched excitedly inside (Name)’s cunt filling it to the brim as she did a small shiver at the feeling as she tried to catch her breath and regaining composure while thinking to herself Shanks really was a beast in bed and the perfect sugar daddy.

A perfect man.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes..I’m okay. That was amazing.”

(Name) complimented as she steadied tried to catch her breath but gasped when Shanks slowly seperated her legs down and pushed them down far as they could go testing out her flexibility as he had been all night with a devilish smile on his face.

“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself, but we are not done baby girl. Far from it.”

A soft “oh god” left (Name)’s lips.

While (Name) had the flexibility, Shanks had the stamina.

A few weeks later, Shanks was in his office on break when he received a text message from his sugar baby which put a smile on his face. Especially when he saw that the text message was actually a video.

Shanks watched (Name) doing some of her practice moves in her cheerleading uniform making him hot and bothered already as he caught glimpses of her black briefs as she spun in her mini skirt.

At the ending, (Name) blew a kiss in the camera and then winked followed by saying, “I hope you like my moves, daddy. See you later.”

Shanks was caught off guard as he almost dropped his phone on the floor and quickly replaying the last few seconds…

Over and over.

Shanks did take a break only to give his sugar baby a surprise gift of not only more money but to order her yacht and he then went back to watch the video.

✨Rukia-Writes✨

[tradetobest]

dee's april 2024 fic recs

late again :( i didnt read a lot of hrpf this month (mostly star trek) so!! have these three!! idk what ill do for may lol....

fic roulette: 1 2 3

Like a Handprint on My Heart by Linsky

ship: jamie benn/joe pavelski rating: E word count: 44k summary: Jamie gets to soothe other people’s hearts all the time. How could he be lonely?

OH MY GOD.... this au literally goes the craziest of anything ever. this fic. OUGH. literally dont even begin to "you're not reccing bennguin this month" me because this fic filled my jamie quota so hard. so good. so feelings.

class is cancelled today (and other messages from my professor) by Anonymous

ship: jack hughes/nico hischier rating: T word count: 2.5k summary: From: blackboard-no-reply@newark.edu Subject: Intro to Sports Philosophy (KPE120H1) Winter 2024: Class cancelled To: KPE120H1_all Hi class, I couldn't find a fucking parking space so I'm cancelling lecture today. Sorry for the inconvenience. Everyone gets 10/10 on today's group activity and drop-in office hours will be rescheduled because I need some time away from this fucking campus. Anyway, email me if anything comes up. -Jack Today 9:21 am A series of emails and tweets from the faculty and students at Newark College in the state of New Jersey.

I LOVE THIS FICCCCCC..... i love the idea of it and OUGH the execution is great!! i literally had so much fun reading this

rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints by Anonymous

ship: jack eichel/connor mcdavid rating: E word count: 32k summary: For all the draft hype and semi-annual questions about it, that’s all there ever was between him and Eichel. No friendship, no rivalry, just a one-minute maybe in a crowded hotel room on a team that was never as relevant as Connor wanted it to be. Even if Eichel had meant anything at all by it at the time, he’s surely forgotten about it by now. **** Jack Eichel is traded to the Pacific Division and Connor McDavid is being super normal about it

you know i have to have mceichel on these and OUGH this fic does not disappoint. i love when connor is soooo normal about things in fics. i am soooo normal about him so when hes Normal as well i just. lose it.

[puckinginsane]

Naughty List

Tyler Seguin Christmas one shot

A few curses

3.3K words

I had a tough decision to make this summer. Freshly out of graduating college I was given two options by my parents, stay back home and figure things out or move to Dallas where my dad had gotten a new job. And as the idea of moving to yet another city didn't excite me, I was not ready to live on my own. The internship I thought was going to lead to a job fell through and I was feeling a little lost. Being all by myself was the last thing I needed. Moving to Dallas meant I'd get a fresh start, again, and at least I'd still be with my family.

My dad has been a hockey coach ever since I could remember. He used to play, too, but I was too young to remember. All I have are the pictures and stories, and from what I've heard he was a little bit of a badass, which doesn't surprise me. He has been a college coach for most of his career. Last year he was a head coach in the American Hockey League and really turned some heads after winning the Calder Cup.

There were a few teams that were interested in him. We toured the cities, he met with each team, looked over their players, and decided that the Dallas and the Stars would be the best fit. He was really confident he could turn the team around. He was excited, which made the rest of us excited. It's me, my mom, and my little brother. We made the choice as a family. I think he would have chosen here no matter what, though.

The first thing we learned is that the NHL is way different than college or the AHL. Everything is so much more of a to-do than what we're used to. There was a press conference, we took pictures, we answered questions. It became very clear very fast that this wasn't going to just be another job for dad. This was going to be the most important job he'd ever have. It's a lot of pressure, but that's where he thrives.

It was that press conference that flipped my whole world upside down, and not just because my dad became one of the most important people in Dallas sports. That press conference is where I first met Tyler Seguin and nothing would be the same again.

Jamie Benn and Tyler Seguin were asked to be at the press conference to welcome their new coach. Jamie was already in Dallas and we had met him before. Tyler had flown in just for it. The first time we locked eyes it was like I was in a trance. He looked like he wanted to devour me and I sure as hell wanted him to.

I had heard about his reputation. My friends warned me about him. "He's bad news." It's not like I'm an innocent little flower. I'm pretty bad news myself. So it was a surprise when he offered to show me around Dallas, that he actually showed me around Dallas. Of course it didn't take much longer after that to wind up in his bed. I was his dirty little secret and he was mine. I think we both got off on sneaking around. But sneaking around turned into a little bit more. We went from fuck buddies to friends with benefits. He didn't want a relationship and neither did I, that was very clear from the moment we met, but it became more than just sex. We text just to talk, we hang out just to hang out. I like being around him. He makes me laugh, when he's not making me moan and scream.

I'm not falling for him. I'm not falling for him.

"You wore that on purpose," he mutters in my ear as he skates past me. He turns to skate backwards and watches me for my reaction with a cheeky grin.

I can't help smiling at him. He's a charming little shit. "Maybe I did." Leggings and a sweater are innocent enough when you're looking on the outside in, but maybe I wore leggings instead of jeans knowing how much Tyler likes the way my ass looks in them.

It's the Dallas Stars family skate. We are all at the Star Center in Frisco to celebrate Christmas and each other. The rink is open for everyone to skate on. There's a huge Christmas tree in the middle, food, drinks, and Santa. The season is going pretty well so far, so there's a lot to be joyous about. Everyone's in good spirits.

My brother Aidan whizzes past me. "Race you!"

"Do you really wanna embarrass yourself in front of everyone?"

He's 15 going on 5, like any typical teenage boy. He always challenges me to a race and I always beat him. He did go through a growth spurt this summer but I'm still confident I can beat him. Next year will probably be a different story. I probably won't have too many more victories in my future.

He skates circles around me. "Scared?"

"Scared of hurting your feelings in front of all of these professional hockey players? Yeah. I love my baby brother."

He shoves me. "Let's go."

"Show us what you got!" Tyler chimes in. He’s such a troublemaker.

I sigh. “Alright. C’mon.”

Aidan and I line up next to each other. “Three times around back to this spot.”

Both of us have been skating since we could walk. It’s practically second nature to us. We both play hockey. He still does. I was on my college team, but I haven’t figured out if I want to join a league here or not. I’ve been focused on trying to get a job as an animal handler at a zoo. That’s what I went to school for. Luckily Dallas has a really great zoo. I’m still waiting for an interview. I’d like to stay with my family but of course I’m willing to move anywhere to follow my dream.

“You’re on, little bro.” I glance over at Tyler, who is looking extremely amused at this whole thing. “You hush.”

He defensively holds his hands up. “I didn’t say anything. I can’t wait to see this.” I stick my tongue out at him. He skates close, right up against me. “I have things you can use that for later.” He winks and I roll my eyes, but he’s sending shivers down my spine and goosebumps all over my body. He drives me absolutely crazy. “Good luck.”

“I don’t need luck.” He mouths ‘hot’ and giggles. I can’t help smiling and shaking my head at him. He’s incredibly cute and never fails to make me laugh.

“Hey!” Aidan yells. “Tips from a pro is cheating. We gonna do this or not?”

I set up next to him. “Let’s go.”

When we start out, not too many people are watching us. And with every lap around the rink more and more people start to take notice. I don’t notice who. I’m too busy making sure I don’t let Aidan beat me in front of all of these people. On the last lap he starts gaining on me. I start to worry that this will be the year he finally beats me. It’s too soon. I’m not ready. I hear Tyler cheering for me as we whiz by him and that gives me a little extra motivation. He starts gaining on me as we approach center ice. I push extra hard and wind up just beating him. That was too close for comfort.

My dad skates over and wraps his arms around both of us. “You almost got her, Aidan! Closest you’ve ever gotten. I’m proud of you! You’re running out of time, Lyss.”

I sigh. “I know. Don’t remind me.”

Dad pats us on the back. “It’s good to see some traditions keep up over the years.”

I can see Tyler watching us, wishing he could join us. I wish he could too. My mom comes up to us to make sure she gets pictures of this moment. She is always making sure she’s getting pictures. My dad calls her over. “Get in here with us.”

Tyler skates over, like the knight in shining armor that he is. “Lemme take one of everyone.” He snatches mom’s phone out of her hand and directs us to stand in front of the tree before he takes the picture.

After the picture my dad wraps an arm around Tyler to thank him. It’s a little surreal, only because this is an outside of hockey moment. When they’re interacting together on the ice that’s just work. This feels different. I feel a little guilty that we’re keeping this big secret from him. My dad has taken such a liking to Tyler. He’s become a big mentor to him.

"What are your plans for Christmas, Tyler?"

“Everyone’s coming over. We’ve been doing that the past few years. It’s just easier that way. What about you, coach?” He asks, knowing the answer. I’ve told him. He has to keep up appearances, though.

“We’re all going home to be with family, something we haven’t been able to do in a while.” Home. He means his home city, where the rest of our family lives. I haven't really felt like any particular place is home since we move around so much. Maybe Dallas can be home for me.

“That’ll be great. Family’s the most important.”

Dad smiles. “It really is.” He spots Aidan with a stick out of the corner of his eye. “Aid! Gonna take some shots?”

“Yeah. A bunch of us are gonna shoot around.”

“Want your old man to show you a thing or two?”

He rolls his eyes. “You can try.”

They skate off and leave Tyler with me alone. All we can do is smile at each other. It’s hard to be around him and not be able to flirt with him, touch him, kiss him. That’s usually what we do when we’re together. We can’t stand here too long without being suspicious. He can’t stop looking me up and down, which is not helping at all. He's looking pretty handsome himself. I don't think I can stop staring either. We are so gonna get busted.

We try to keep our distance, but it's not easy. He skates closer to me. "I love watching you skate." He speaks low enough so no one else can hear us. It's not like anyone's paying attention, they're all doing their own thing.

I look down and blush a little. "Thanks. I love that sweater on you." It's a black button down cardigan with olive green sleeves.

He looks down at it, as if he forgot what he’s wearing. “Thanks! It’s comfy, soft, something I was pretty sure you’d like.”

“You wore it for me?”

“No. Not really.” He shrugs. “I just thought you’d like it.”

I look around to see if anyone is watching us before undoing a button and running my hand along his chest, to feel the softness of course. “There. That’s better.”

He grins. “Undressing me in front of everyone? That’s for sure gonna get us caught.”

“It was one button, drama queen.”

He makes a little growl under his breath. "I need to get you alone at some point."

"That seems impossible."

"I'll find a way."

"You just can't keep your hands off me, eh?"

He smiles and bites his bottom lip. "Never."

Sometimes that smile of his makes me melt. "I would kiss your damn face off if I could."

He skates backwards away from me with the biggest shit eating grin on his face. "Too bad." He laughs and joins some of his teammates and their kids. He is so good with the kids.

I'm left a little speechless and decide to join my brother and dad and take some shots on the net. Unfortunately I can't stay in my Tyler bubble for too long here, no matter how good it may feel. I have to admit I love being on the ice with my family, it brings back some great memories from when we were kids. My dad has this twinkle in his eye when he's on skates, especially when he can teach, and a lot of the kids have gathered around to get some pointers. He's in his element and couldn't be happier.

We promised my mom we'd take pictures with Santa. We do it every year. As we get older it gets harder and harder to convince us, but we always give in because it makes her happy. Sitting on their laps has been getting more and more weird. This is the last year I'm gonna do it. I have to put my foot down somewhere. She wants the same exact picture every year so she can compare them all. I get it, it's cute, but I don't think I'll be 40 and sitting on Santa's lap.

"Ho. Ho. Ho. Tell Santa what you want for Christmas." This guy is good. I always like when they actually have a real beard. Feels more authentic.

"If I do that I won't get it."

"Isn't that birthday wishes. Humor Santa."

I spot Tyler, who is in the back of the line watching me. We smile at each other. "I have everything I want."

"She wants me to get an electric bike," Aidan says. "Hurry up, Alyssa, there's kids waiting and I wanna get back to the ice."

I roll my eyes. "I guess I want my brother to get an electric bike. Can we take the picture, please?"

Aidan sits on Santa's other knee and my mom takes our picture. She's so proud and happy. You couldn't possibly wipe the smile off her face. Maybe I will be sitting on Santa's lap at 40. My mom does so much for us, the least we can do is take five seconds out of our day to make her happy.

I hang around to watch everyone take their turn. It's mostly the kids, but some of the players get in on the fun too. Tyler and a few others around Santa and take the silliest picture. I love how everyone turns into a little kid on Christmas.

While everyone seems to be distracted he grabs my hand and pulls me away. "I wanna show you something."

That catches me super off guard and almost gives me whiplash. "What? Where?"

He pulls me into the visitor's locker room. "I couldn't think of anywhere else. Sorry."

"What are we doing in here, Tyler?"

He holds mistletoe over our heads. "Took me forever to find this mistletoe."

"Like you need an excuse to kiss me."

"Not here. We're not supposed to. Can't really help myself, though."

"We can wait til later."

"Can you?"

"I think so."

"Do you want to?"

"Of course not. It's not like we have a choice."

He kisses me. It's a sweet kiss. Not too long, not too short. He rests his forehead on mine, holds onto my hips, and pulls me close. “What did you ask Santa for?”

“Nothing.”

His hands travel from my hips to my ass as he leans in to kiss my neck. “You’re probably on the naughty list anyway.”

I run my fingers through his hair and massage the back of his head. “No thanks to you.”

He smirks. “You were on that list way before you met me.”

I laugh. "Alright, maybe that's true."

He reaches into his pocket. "I got you something."

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Tyler, we said we weren't doing that."

"I know, but I changed my mind."

"That's not fair. I didn't get you anything."

"That's ok." He places a jewelry box in my hand. "It's not much, just something I thought you should have. I didn't wrap it. Didn't want the paper crinkling in my pocket."

"I can't believe you…" I open the box. "Wow." It's a necklace with a tiger pendant. He knows tigers are my favorite animal at the zoo. It has white crystals and looks like a white bengal tiger, my absolute favorite. I had a special bond with a cub at the zoo I had my internship with. I really thought I was going to stay there and take care of him and watch him grow up. I get a little choked up thinking about it.

"I know how much Titan means to you." I may have shown Tyler hundreds of pictures I have of him on my phone, and talked his ear off many nights about him.

I hug him. "Thank you so much. This means a lot to me. You didn't have to do that. We're just…"

"Don't worry about it. I wanted to. Merry Christmas."

I wipe the tears from my eyes. "Merry Christmas."

"About what you were saying...you know, that we're just...maybe we can be more."

I am a bit taken aback. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah, I'm serious." He sounds a bit offended that I would even second guess him. This is coming out of left field, though, we never even talked about the possibility of being anything real. "Is that something you'd want?"

I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about it from time to time, but it's not something I ever considered to be a real possibility and I was fine with that. Does he really want this? How would it even work? Everything in me is screaming to say yes, but it's not that simple. "Yeah, it is, but…"

"Your dad. I know. We'll figure it out. I really like you."

"I really like you too." I didn’t realize just how much I wanted to hear those words from him.

"So you'll be my girlfriend?" The way he asks is so cute. How could I say no to that?

"Yes, I'll be your girlfriend."

He smiles so wide it lights up the room. "Cool. It’s official."

He holds my face in his hands and kisses me so passionately. It's definitely not something I've ever felt from him before. I wonder how long he's been waiting to ask me. I can't believe we're actually doing this. I hold him close as I kiss him back, never wanting it to end.

"What the fuck is going on?" Tyler and I both jump back, startled. Aidan is standing in the doorway with his mouth hanging open. "Dad's going to kill you."

"You can't tell him." I hold him by the shoulders. "Please don't tell him. We will…eventually."

"Alyssa, he's going to kill you."

I hang my head. "I know, but this is happening."

"Shit."

Tyler stands next to me with his hand on my back. "Hey, man, you want that electric bike, right? I'll get it for you if you can just keep this between us for a while. That cool?"

He shakes his head. "You don't have to bribe me. I won't tell." He pauses. "I would like that bike, though."

I smack on the arm. "Aidan!"

He rubs the spot. "Ow! I mean if my mom and dad don't get it for me."

I smack him again. "Really??"

He sighs. "Fine. You don't have to."

Tyler chuckles a bit under his breath. "If they don't get it for you, I will. That's a promise."

"Wow. Cool. Thanks, Tyler. I won't tell anyone. They're all wondering where you are, just so you know. Don't take too long sucking face."

I blush so hard. "Oh my god."

"Stall for like twenty more minutes, bro." Tyler has a devilish look in his eyes.

Aidan snarls. "Ew." And walks out.

Tyler giggles. "Guess we'll have to figure it out sooner than we thought." He runs his fingers through my hair and kisses me tenderly. "Ready to get back out there and pretend this didn't just happen?"

"Not really."

He pins me up against the wall and undoes his belt. "We've got twenty minutes."

[hockey-hugs-ya-feel-me]

So I saw someone answer an ask about the ten best looking players in the NHL and (while no one asked me/cares) here is my take in no particular order:

Patrick Sharp - yes he’s not a current player but I don’t think you could have a handsome NHL player list and not include this man. Even straight men aren’t immune to his charms. And yes I picked the gif with the Kings logo behind him because they’re my team and I’m bias

Alex Iafallo - I think he’s super underrated outside of Kings fans. It’s the smile paired with his love of surfing and all things outdoors for me. Not a California boy, but acts like so many that I grew up with crushes on

Tom Wilson - he’s just so manly? Like big and strong and won’t hesitate to fight manly. Plus he has a very handsome face to go with the big/strong body. Don’t judge me for the gif choice. This is a thirsty list okay

Kevin Fiala - the unbelievable bone structure. Disney prince perfection. Probably too beautiful to be in a contact sport and not modeling for a living

Elias Lindholm - not gonna lie I know very little about this beautiful man. Saw a gif and was instantly captivated by those icy blues

Josh Anderson - does the same thing Wilson does for me. Just big and strong and will fight you. But he’s the blonde haired blue eyed version

Sidney Crosby - his kindness, dorky laugh, and driven nature. Can’t leave him off. Love of my life. Living legend. 10/10.

Roman Josi - yet another Swiss Disney prince. But a brunette to offset Fiala’s blonde

Frederik Andersen - he’s a redhead like me, and we share the same birthday, but he’s on my list because unlike me he’s just super good looking. Also big. Big really does it for me

Vince Dunn - wow choosing the last one was surprisingly hard. Gotta include some honorable mentions. But yeah, I didn’t get the hype for him at first, but now I do. It’s the lips and curls for me

Honorable mentions go out to Kris Letang, Henrik Lundqvist (plus Joel cause twins), Seth Jones, Jaromir Jagr (45 and still killing it), Joel Edmundson, Jamie Oleksiak, Auston Matthews (his big square head somehow does it for me), Adrian Kempe, Eric Staal, Gabriel Landeskog, Matt Roy, Kurtis MacDermid, Jamie Benn, and I guess I gotta stop there because the honorable mentions will get out of hand. I only feel slightly bad for objectifying these men, and incredibly thankful to the gif makers - the real MVPs. Thank you for coming to my tedtalk

[officialgritty]

How I Would Humble NHL Players

An essay written by bigboigritty. 

I would humble hockey players the only way I know how to, by sending them to Australia. Let’s suppose that they have decided to hold the All Star game over here (forget about it’s usual date) (forget that some players I have listed below might not be invited) (and while you're at it, please forget that Australia’s rinks are Not Good).

I think that they would suffer but in an entertaining way so it’s fine. 

First of all, their biggest concern is getting sunburnt. It would effect all of their dumb asses but I’m particularly worried about Pierre-Luc Dubois and Mitch Marner. Boys are practically translucent. Vince Dunn would be fine, he’d probably wear a shirt most of the time which is a very smart decision. 

You may wonder why I didn’t mention Nolan Patrick because I am a certified slut for him, well I don't think he would have a problem. He would spend most of the time inside and when he joins the others, I think his Virgo ass would reapply sunscreen. Maybe he would burn slightly but I don't think it'd be enough to make him uncomfortable. 

Another thing that I think they will gain from this experience is a higher pain tolerance. Now you’re probably thinking, “Zoe they are NHL players so they can handle pain.” Wrong.

Real pain is running barefoot on cement at theme parks while you race to get to the next ride. Also getting into the car and having to avoid touching every piece of metal to not get branded like a cow. Or better yet, when the heat gets so bad that there’s a black out because everyone has their air conditioning turned on.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that other countries have scary animals but I would pay to see them panic over ours. Crocodiles here can grow up to 5.2 metres / 17 feet. We have a box jellyfish season where it’s advised to avoid swimming or wear wetsuits for coverage. Funnel web spiders can survive underwater for hours by trapping air bubbles around their skin. We have several of the worlds deadliest snakes present across the country. 

Listen, I don't want anyone to get injured but the constant fear that they would have when doing anything would be enough to make me happy.

My biggest question is who would survive in the shady areas, who would survive the eshays?

Under no circumstances can you look them in the eyes or cross their path. They are not to be feared individually but in groups caution is advised. I think the players would attempt to assert dominance and that is simply not an option. You are better off to ignore the eshay.

Nolan would have no issues here if im being honest. He is big and I don't think they’d find it worth it to fuck with him. But you know who they would target? Matthew Tkachuk. “Where are you going pretty boy?” “Oi braa did we hurt your feelings ya pussy cunt?” They would make fun of his hair in particular. 

Travis Konecny would be an eshay. I don't think I need to make further comment. (So would Louis Tomlinson but I am not a 1D account and I will continue to repeat that until it’s true.)

I would also give them a few iconic tasks to get the true Australian experience. Activities for the ‘vacation’ include triathlon events, beach flags, bush walking and climbing the harbour bridge. They could attend a cricket match but they tend to like golf so unfortunately they would probably enjoy this :(

AFL is an extremely popular sport here and I think they would loose their shit when they learn the rules of this game. No protective equipment is used other than mouthguards, that's it. That’s all you get. And jumping onto other players for leverage is encouraged. I would thoroughly enjoy the fights that would break out because of this.

Another task would be to use a map to make their way to a servo for a slurpee. The catch is that they will be required to pass through multiple alleyways. Also, the season is Spring, it’s swooping season mother fuckers. Let’s see how brave you are when birds chase you down the block. Personally I don’t think any of them would pass this test, maybe McDavid because the birds may not be able to detect a heartbeat.

Australian food would disgust them, I just know it. Things that they would need to try are a Bunnings sausage sanga, fairy bread, lamingtons, baked beans on toast, Milo and Vegemite. Because I’m me I would give them no butter with their Vegemite. 

An after thought I had was money so I’m editing this to include it. Everything here is EXPENSIVE so they would need to learn how to budget. Upon doing research, Canadians would be fine but the Americans will be mad.

1000 CAD = 1019 AUD

1000 USD = 1297 AUD

Another after thought was the fact that they won’t be able to drive (or at least drive well) here. We drive on the left and not the right, same goes for walking paths too. I can sense a lot of them bumping into people.

Where I think players would live based on vibes alone:

Carter Hart and Vince Dunn: North Shore Beaches, NSW. Daddy’s money. Carter probably did Nippers whereas Vince was a skater boy. 

Travis Konecny: Darwin, NT. Would 100% live there and enjoy it. He would try to conduct crocodile tours but gets assigned to feeding the baby crocs and doing shows for little kids. 

Tyson Barrie: Perisher, NSW. One of the only ski resorts we have to offer, major friendly mountain man energy.

Nolan Patrick: Byron Bay, NSW. @antoineroussel enlightened me, steering away from my original thought of Katoomba, NSW. Byron Bay is a magnet for hippies and links rainforest to the ocean. Chris Hemsworth and his family also live there.

William Nylander: Perth, WA. I don’t know much about Perth other than they wouldn’t shut up about partying while the other states had to quarantine. For some reason, I also associate Perth with Tik Tok. 

Sidney Crosby and Connor McDavid: Melbourne CBD, VIC. These two would live in the same apartment building in the city, Connor one level above Sidney. It’s the most boring looking block of them all and Crosby would send in complaints to the landlord about McDavid pacing during the night.

Tyler Seguin: Surfers Paradise, QLD. Party central, not many people are actually from this area and he would be sure to tell absolutely everyone that he was. I also think he would get a Meter Maid tattoo, specifically on his leg. Has definitely slept on the beach before because he couldn’t find his way home.

Jamie Benn: Hobart, TAS. Tasmania is usually forgotten about. Another one with mountain man energy except he is more creepy than friendly.

Mitch Marner: Fitzroy, VIC. @antoineroussel is responsible for this one too. Hipster central, makes you question how the hell someone so young can have so much money. Would chug $45 wine and not blink an eye.

(honourable mentions include = Sammy Blais: Hobart, Tas. Once again no comment on Tasmania. TJ Oshie: Cairns, QLD. Would do reef tours. Haydn Fleury: Western Sydney, NSW. Haydn would 100% own a ute or a white holden commodore and you can’t tell me otherwise. Roman Josi: Adelaide, SA. Small town history teacher vibes.)

I have attached a handy map for those who may need it.

In conclusion, the NHL should send their players over here to teach them some manners and while they’re at it, management should bring themselves too. Nolan Patrick could pass as an Australian if he built up a tan. (So does Nylander in this picture but we won’t talk about that.) Come over anytime baby, I’m free. 

Glossary

Servo - A service station, also known as a petrol or gas station. Example: 7/11

Theme park - An amusement park. Can be said in reference to both normal parks and water parks and usually means those in QLD. Example: Six Flags

Swooping season - August to October in Australia. When birds attack and chase humans and / or pets for getting close to their babies. Magpies are notoriously bad for this. 

Bunnings sausage sanga - A cheap feed / meal found at the front of a hardware and gardening store called Bunnings. Made up of white bread, sausage, onion and your choice of sauce.

Fairy bread - White bread with margarine and topped with 100s and 1000s / sprinkles. 

Meter Maids - Women who work along the beach dressed in gold bikinis. They top up parking meters to save tourists from getting fined and will often stop for photos. 

Nippers - Surf lifesaving programs carried out for children between 5 and 14. 

Ute - A pick up truck.

Eshay - A person who partakes in drug use, graffiti, listens to EDM and targets victims in groups. Below is the typical style of an eshay. 

Tagging a few friends so this doesn’t completely flop but feel free to ignore if it isn't your thing. I won’t be offended lmao

@scheifefe @ifiwasshawnmendesidslapmyself @d00dlebob @bowenbyram @kempe @prettyboyroope @quintonsbyfield @travisgermy @pitoftrash @kspitehockey @ballsakic @canadianheaters @bricksatlandyswindow @powerblais @brokeninsidebutnobodyknows @jamiedrysdales