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mockky · 5 years ago

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A sad story how Russo bros reminded us about the crappy world we live in

Disclaimer (kinda). Preventing the arguments like “read the comic-book to understand the movie”. First of all I've never read the comics and never will. I shouldn't do that to watch a movie. It's the director's job to tell me a story. It can be changed a bit, but it still has to have a logic. This is author's priority.

I guess there's no need to run through the movie again and get to details, it's too many of them. Just a few big ones. Firstly, the time travel idea is pretty lame by itself. Every time-travel-movie does the same mistakes – PARADOXES, no one managed to escape it. So if you can solve your problem only by time travel – please don't do the movie, this job is not for you.

It's like the creators don't know the rules of their own universe. Nebula translates her thoughts to Past-Nebula, they're connected somehow even being far from each other, killing Past-Nebula literally doesn't do anything. How does it work? All this plan just fucked up the previous movies. And then some random rat actually saves the universe? Seriously? I don't know but I think it’s called “lazy writing”.

OK, there's no movie without a sin. But what's really important is the screwed up characters. No one did or got anything what one was supposed to.

Loki. His extremely stupid, reckless and suicidal lunge actually was extremely stupid, reckless and suicidal. The God of Guile threw himself with a toothpick against titan and dropped dead. Bravo!

Thor. I never really was a fan of him. But this is officially the worst comic-relief ever. Why he should be like some sort of that whiny drunk dumbass, especially after him being so cool and strong in Infinity war? Gods saved us from fart-jokes and slow-mo-food-fight. Thor lost his parents, lost his brother and Asgard. He's broken and crushed, and Marvel just points finger at him and laughs. Very mature.

Doctor Strange showed up to show us a very important finger.

Captain Marvel is a whole new level of pain in the ass. Skip the Boring-IMBP-part. Though it's hard to forget how they just shoved her in fan's throats, and expected them to have the same empathy for her as for Tony or Cap. But we know them for 10 damn years! The biggest problem that she's not a person, she is God ex machine with magic GPS in her head, invincible, strong-independent-woman and all. With that cockish face of hers, kicked Thanos's ass, but when it comes to the gauntlet, it's up to Hulk and Tony. What da hell? All that power, it's the only thing she could help with. And don't give me that "it's a big universe, not only you've got problems" crap. Thanos's snap affected THE WHOLE universe. Isn't he the main threat here and now?

And what really pissed me of is the ending and the way it fucked up the most interesting and deep part of it all – Steve and Bucky.

Allow me to remind you few points.

CATFA

We see Steve as this tiny subtle guy with heart of gold and strong will, he is hero inside. I can do this all day. He wanted to go to war, he took the serum, he's like walking embodiment of self-sacrifice and heroism. But he became “the chorus girl”, this empty symbol, a fake. Actual soldiers don't believe and don't respect him, cuz he’s never been in real fight. He does not respect himself anymore. But when his friend got in danger in the blink of an eye Steve transforms into this Rambo, alone against the world, flipped like a switch. He dashed headlong to the enemy's base just for tiny possibility his friend might be alive. At that very moment Steve becomes what he meant to be – the real Captain America.

CATWS

Steve managed to get through 70 years of brainwashing with only one phrase, and refused to fight Winter soldier hoping that there was still Bucky somewhere. The entire movie revolves around two of them.

CATCW

Some fans said that Cap and Tony should switch sides on this one, but it doesn't feel right for me. Cap's got a point. What if there's somewhere we need to go, and they don't let us. Obviously it is CATFA reference, where he goes against orders to save Bucky. And he's afraid cuz he knows that it could cost lives. And now he's running around the city protecting Bucky from the government and T'Chala. He fights Tony, bloodily, everything to protect Bucky.

What a lovely deep drama! It's a comic-book story here we’re talking about. I bet in CATFA no one really noticed sweet little Bucky. But the Winter soldier just stole the movie and fan's hearts. Steve and Bucky have this strong almost cosmic bonds, it's stronger than brotherhood or friendship, it was so since 40s. After all this freezing thing they became totally unique for each other. You can smash vibranium shield with that bonds (which Cap actually does symbolically when gives up the shield TWICE, both times for Bucky). It's unbelievable that after all he did for Bucky Cap could ditch Bucky for anyone or anything. Creators teased the fans and encouraged that bromance. It was openly a queer-baiting, it was a canon, and you can't stop the shippers.

Three movies were built up on this relationship. It was work of art if you ask me – so many details, so much depth, and the amaizing acting, I mean you can watch it over and over, and every time you find something new in their eyes or words. And they not just talk, they actually do anything to proof their devotion to each other. It's absolutely beautiful. And it's Bucky who made Steve interesting and alive as a movie character and a real hero as a person.

And what we get in the end? Bucky turned into dust in front of Steve, but on the group meeting Steve talks about... Peggy? Where did it come from? He doesn't mention Bucky the whole movie. Steve goes to return the Infinity stones and comes back an old man. For us, for Bucky, it was 5 sec, but for Steve it was 70+ years. He left Bucky and lived 70+ years without him. Besides he never said Bucky about his plan (or just desire or whatever), didn't say a proper goodbye, didn't consider it as a betrayal. He just decided to live for himself. By the way Bucky reacted as if it was a big surprise for him and even bigger disappointment. He was anxious during that scene when Steve suddenly didn't show up on the platform. And if you wanna say “Bucky knew it was gonna happen and was happy for his friend” then it's the great time to keep your mouth shut. He obviously wasn't happy with it, and he didn't know. Post-movie interviews don’t count! Don’t tell me that it was off-screen. It’s a MOVIE! If something is important – it’s on the screen and it becomes a canon. Stupid scene in a cafe with selfie and kids IS on the screen, apparently it’s important af and it’s a canon. Fat greasy-haired Thor yells at some gamer in chat – that’s VERY important and it’s a canon. But a talk between best friends when one of them decided to leave the other for good and go to the past doesn’t deserve screen time. Are you sure you set your priorities right? By the way Sebastian asked Russo about this. He thought there would be some dialogue between Steve and Bucky, but director said No, you already had that conversation.

No wonder Bucky didn't approach to Steve and only looked from distance. What can you possibly say to the man who claimed himself your best friend and then easily abandoned you just like that, lived without you for 70+ years and apparently was OK with it.

Steve just goes to Peggy. Because that's how it must be, that's natural, that's happiness. This cliché stuck so deep in the people minds, so they can't see anything behind it. I'm sure that not so many people knows what it actually means, but they believe that it's the right thing.

I might blow few minds now. Here it goes – the closest person is the one who shares with you your life experience, not the bed. NO WAY! I'm not saying than your partner can't be your friend. Spouses are not always the closest friends and the closest friends are not always spouses. You just can't screw up all Steve's emotional baggage that related to Bucky just for Peggy, which was in Steve's life, what, like 15 minutes? Steve knows Bucky since childhood, they were best friends, they supported each other, lived together, protected and saved each other many times. They share the same fate (war, serum, man out of time), there's no one who can be closer. “He loves her so much!” arguments can't erase too much of a history. It just doesn't work that way! You can't exchange one for another. A loved one can't replace your best friend, cuz of damn emotional baggage! You can have both, you can have none, but you can't trade it!

And what about Peggy? CATFA-Peggy was not a good person actually. She's whimsical and eccentric damsel. For example she shoots 1) at the experimental read not properly tested shield 2) with a chance to kill someone by ricochet 3) in enclosed space without ears protection for her or everyone else; she punches a soldier for an inappropriate commentary. And the scene in the bar shows Peggy as a simply impolite person – she ignores the soldier who just got back from captivity, it's very rude, especially when Bucky was polite with her. And on top of this I think she picked interest in Steve only after the serum. I bet Pre-serum-Steve was friendzoned for the rest of his life.

In TV-series though she appears to have a strong personality. She is an interesting character and not just love interest for Steve. She founded the S.H.I.E.L.D., had a happy fulfilled life. She let Steve go. And when she died, Steve let her go. I don't believe for a one second she is the love of his life. Staring at the photo is NOT a depiction of love. Not in my book. It's just a woman Steve once kissed.

So what went wrong? They made such a great Steve's character development, they put so much in his relationship with Bucky. Countless details, shades and layers. Every scene, every dialogue. An all of it just... puff... vanished.

Actually it wasn't so sudden as it seems. First signs of it appeared in Civil war. Did you noticed how the creators put the distance between Bucky and Steve? It's like “Hey guys! You know this whole story gets kinda pansy. We stand for cliché, for heteronormativity and happy ends! Every man got a girl! You can't have best friend, not the same sex, only hetero! So quit with the hugs end eye-fucking, more masculinity! Sebastian, you must get as thick as you can, so nobody could say you're gay. And Steve's gonna make out with a girl, just to be safe”. And this kissing scene is the most awkward I've ever seen. This weird kiss out of the blue, the fact that Sam and Bucky are watching (BTW how often do you stare at your friends kissing? Please, share at the comment section). Even actors call this scene awkward and weird, they basically hate it. And in fact that this scene wasn't it the script, it was added much later.

Then the forced friendship between Bucky and Sam. Moreover, they tried to replace Steve'n'Bucky's friendship with it. Sam rather has a chemistry with Steve, not Bucky. And the way Mackie and Stan here and there together on comic-cons where Mackie acts like he's Stan's BBF and Stan's just embarrassed. This whole all of a sudden friendship thing feels so unnatural and stretched. It's not like I don't wanna Bucky has friends and all, adaptation and stuff, But it doesn't mean Bucky doesn't need Steve, no one can replace him. And it all was only to make their friendship NO HOMO. But the way I see it, there wasn't anything gay about them (BTW I'm not a shipper and not homophobic), just some people have dead opossum's emotional range. In their head the man wants either bang you or kill you, nothing in between. I'm sure nobody took seriously the idea that they make them gay, or that they look like gay. It's just bromance. But noooooooo. They must've done this to them, cuz Happily ever after.

Eventually we got what we got. In Endgame Steve and Bucky are barely shares the screen together, even if they actually next to each other, they don't hug, don't talk, don't even look. Even after Bucky got back from the dust. It's like they never cared for each other.

Steve considered Bucky recovered after being tortured and brainwashed for 70 (it still blows my mind how long it is!) years, he's OK. No one said he's OK though, even Bucky himself. He's still the same wrecked man lost in time and his own head with tremendous weight of guilt and torn apart personality. It's not the same Bucky from 40es, and he never will be. Steve’s the only one who could break through to him, for Bucky Steve is like the ground he stands, the only guide light in this chaos that left of his life. According to Stan – Steve is the only thing that keeps Bucky alive. Well, Bucky, sorry pal, gun or rope?

Steve is an asshole. He thinks he's so special and good enough to rewrite Peggy's life (which was good for Peggy without Steve) just because he wants it. Abandons Bucky, who has nothing but Steve, abandons the world he fought for and called his home, and the friends called family. All this for the woman, who was almost nothing to him especially compared with Bucky and the others. All the things Peggy said in a hospital, all the character development and his words about the man died in the ice, new home and new family – all of it was fucked up, buried under that shit. You need to move on. Until you get a time machine. Then you can go back. So what is it? Maybe Steve never was a hero and hence he doesn't deserve our respect. Or, what is the most likely, creators think we are idiots.

Steve gives the shield to Sam. And I wouldn't mind. Why not. This job definitely is not for Bucky. He's tired, he's semi-stable 100 years old man, he had enough of war for two lifetimes. It's too much for him, it would be cruel for Bucky. Symbolism is a cool thing, but life doesn't work that way. Pep-talks don't heal. Get real, OK? Sam is a new Cap, fine, it's logical. But it's always about the How, not What.

From the moment Bucky sees the old man on the bench til the end of the movie Bucky didn't even think about to approach Steve, he sent Sam instead. They didn't talk, Steve didn't even look at him. This entire scene Bucky has this endless sadness in his eyes. There's a glimpse of a smile when he looks at Sam, but in the moment it's gone. And then it's pain and sorrow on his face again. I don't really see happy Bucky.

Just look at his eyes and tell me you look the same when you’re happy

And actually Steve doesn't sparkle with joy either. He kinda lived his “happy life”, but there's no sign of it, especially that he refused to talk about her.

But it's confirmed information – Peggy's mysterious husband IS Steve Rogers.In the end Bucky got this last slap on his face. Bucky asked himself if he worth all of it. NO. No, Bucky, fuck you.

I find it funny (seriously I don't) that it's the same directors and screenwriters, who did Winter soldier and Civil war. How could they screw it up? One might say “Cuz there's TV-series Falcon and Winter soldier coming, it needs to be this way”.

A few little ideas for ending that wouldn't do any harm.

Behold!

1. If they want Steve out of it, why don't kill him? Canonic, right?

1.1 In final battle Steve is dying. He tried to shield Bucky and dying on his arms. He can give the shield to Bucky, so his broken and lost friend could have purpose in life that helps him to move on. Or he can just die and Bucky takes the shield as something in memory of Steve. And then Bucky gives the shield to Sam, like saying “I've lost it all, I've lost my friend, but you're a good guy and maybe we can become friends sometime”. If it happened like this I could in time accept Sam as a new Cap and Bucky's friend.

1.2 Or perhaps Steve, still dying, gives the shield to Sam.

2. This one is not so good idea, but OK. Steve goes to the past, his a douche. But if you want a TV-series he can’t take Bucky with him. And it's still the same – Steve gives the shield, doesn't matter who would it be (pick anyone you like). But Steve can’t leave without saying goodbye.

Oh my god! It's two of it and we still got the TV show! Fascinating! And there is more of it.

3. Oh that's the good one. The one with the Steve we know and love. Steve stays. Steve goes to the past to return the infinity stones. Steve could allow himself just a moment to be selfish and have that dance with Peggy, or stay for not so long, a year maybe. And then he must go back, knowing that there are people who need him more, than Peggy. Of course if Steve is young, fit and tight, he won't retire. But Sam and Bucky are still with us, they're cool enough to have a TV-show.

4. And what if like this? Shuri did the research to find a way to clear Bucky's head from the Hydra's code. What if she did? Or what if with Hydra's code some memories are gone too? Maybe Bucky could be an antagonist.

And just for me. We don't care about the money, and give Steve and Bucky the final they deserve.

1. Bucky and Steve dying fighting together. The most obvious and sad final. Till the end of the line

2. Bucky dies. It's tragic for Steve and he could say “I've lost it all”, and goes to Peggy. A little OOC, but not so bad.

3. What if we go back to that brain-cleaning option? Steve dies, but Bucky's so broken he can't stand it, and he goes to Shuri so she could wipe up his memory. Tragically and symbolically, cuz first time he was forced to forget Steve's alive, and now he does it voluntarily to forget Steve's dead.

I'm not a screenwriter, and my head's not crowded with ideas. But this is still better than what we've got in the Endgame. I could step on my own throat and accept the Endgame only if Bucky says that Steve is a traitor and he hates him. I'm not saying that Steve doesn't deserve this dance or happy ending. He does. Everybody Does. Everybody've suffered enough. But Steve doesn't deserve to become such an asshole. Bucky doesn't deserve to be forsaken in such a way.

Honestly, I don't care about forced bromance with Sam, or Sharon, even love interest for Bucky (it would be kinda specific I guess). They could do anything, but they can't throw away Bucky and Steve. These characters are alive, their world is real. Sometimes happy ending is impossible. And if you force it, you can ruin everything. And this is what they actually did.

And it just bugs me – why, why did they do this? Maybe it's too much pressure and they screwed up. Or maybe it's Big studio' bosses. You know maybe if they just shut up about it.. time heals you know. But it gets worse. On the interview directors says one thing and screenwriters say the other, they all can't string sentense together. And only Bucky's face speaks for himself. I mean did you see this fresh Sebastian's panel at London comic-con? I’ll show you few moments, but you've got to watch the whole thing (https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=5&v=-KQpzG49exM). When he asks the audience did they like the movie, many people say “No!”, when he approves the final of Endgame one shout “Liar!”. Look at the body language. You'll see how he sincerely and emotionally talks about anything. As soon as it comes to Endgame, he is immediately clamped, his leg begins to twitch.

The previous question was that he was interested in - what kind of heroes he wants to play. Therefore, he sits on the edge of the couch, leaning over to the public. The next question about the final and Steve going to Peggy. He immediately moves and leans back, he covers his belly with hand. The question is unpleasant to him.

Then the speech becomes confused, although before that it flowed freely, he literally gasps as if he doesn't know what to say, his micro-mimic denies his words.

He says he agrees with the final, Bucky is happy, Steve deserves it. But his body screams just the opposite - a sharp wave of his hand and chin say "no"

And this is the worst one. On the words “He (Bucky) was happy,” his whole pose just screams “NO!”. This insincere smile, this tilt of the head and a slight denying swaying. All this says more than any words

It's so obvious that he so tired of it. I bet that under the contract, he has no right to scold the movie and must promote the policy of the studio. But when he said that “Bucky was happy for Steve” .... This is the most forced smile I've ever seen. This is the most unconvincing lie in my memory. You can see just right through it, it's like an open book. But he has to do it, because crossing with the Big Studio Boss when your career just went uphill is not the best idea. The truth is important, but the dream is too. He started the career since the age of 15, which is quite long, considering this is not such a brilliant career, but he definitely worked so hard for it. So he caught between the hammer and an anvil now. On the one hand, acting career is the only thing for him, on the other hand studio bosses who can bury the dream, and on top of it the fans who are looking for his support. So "Steve is happy, Bucky is happy, awesome film, kill me, please!". By the way where is his best buddy Mackie? Why Seb's cleaning this mess all by himself? Seeing him like this just breaks my heart

And I honestly do not understand the people who liked it. How can you not see all this?? And there are those who claim that we didn’t like Endgame because we didn’t see any movies at all and didn’t read comic-books. There are Stucky fans who liked Endgame. Are the clichés so strong that people just don’t see all this... The story of Bucky and Steve was way too deep. Bucky is too tragic and well-developed character for a superhero comic-book story. All this deserved so much more. And the creators simply could not finish the job; mass cinema is simple and flat and it's made that way on purpose. They pull the most primitive triggers, so that people do not have to think. The most simple patterns help to reach more people. In other words, they are doing everything to raise more money. And it works. Thus we’ll get more of it in the future. No doubt about that.

For me, Endgame marked the victory of the corporate moneymaking machine over creativity. And the box office speaks for itself. It's an awful world to live in...

#avengers #avengers endgame #avengersendgame #notmycap #notmysteve #bucky barnes #bucky deserves better #bucky #stucky #endgame #steve rogers

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honeymoon-changb · 6 years ago

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And I love you.

A Johnny scenario.

genre: fluff, i guess, failed attempt at comedy

A/N: idk why i’m putting this here lmao i’m not a legit author but yea i wrote this a whileeeee ago in notes on my phone and just found it again and decided to post it cuz i didn’t have the balls to share it before; it’s kinda cheesy but i guess i was feeling all fluffy about John ay also pls note English isn’t my native language so if you see any grammar errors etc - that’s why. Anyway, enjoy y’all (if anyone reads this at all lmao wishful thinking)

Haechan was sat cross-legged on the living room couch, a big Lion King mug in one of his hands (that’s Taeyong's latest purchase) and his phone in the other one. In sheer attempt to kill the boredom of the off-days, he boy was watching one YouTube video after another as he took loud sips of a warm beverage. Not a pleasant scene for those who get easily irritated by slurping or munching sounds, mukbang haters. You have just finished washing up after the downside of hot-cholocate drinking culture - which was the prepration process - and made your way to the living room, where honey-skinned boy was now joined by the roomies TY Track and the-1-and-only Johnny. You stood in the back, unnoticed, and listened.

"You made hot chocolate for yourself only?" the friendly giant said in a sulky tone.

"Y/N's the one who made it." Haechan replied, not even bothered to grace Johnny with his gaze.

"For you only? Y/N, since when is Haechan your favorite!?" Johhny screamed, not realizing how close you were. You coughed to get their attention, before opening your mouth.

"Huh, psh, pffft, my-my what? How dare you accuse me of favorism, I dOnT have a favorite?" you winked at Haechan, who, what a surprise!, was actually blessing you with his attention. In response to your purposefully over-the-top dramatic acting, Mr. John Seo played heartbroken.

"AH! I can't believe you. All these nice things you've said to me, they must have been lies, and I was but a fool who believed to be someone special in your life!" he cried out, almost literally.

"Oh, don't you call me a liar, now, mister!" you replied, waving your finger at the boy. "Look... if I was gonna make enough hot cocoa for y'all, we'd need a barrel of milk." you added, less dramatically, to actually make this conversation into something more than just jokes on jokes.

"I didn't even know we had cocoa powder?" Taeyong spoke, to whom you replied:

"You didn't. I got some on my way here."

"What for, if you're not gonna make any for us..." the tall jokester said, or rather spat under his breath as if he didn't really want you to hear. Oh, but you did. Before you could reply to this snarky remark, though, a wild Mark appeared, joining this pity party.

"It smells like heaven in here." he said, with the typical, cutesy Mark smile on his face.

"Must be the hot chocolate ONLY HAECHAN is drinking." Youngho, the saltiest child on earth, said.

"Yum, I'd love some hot cocoa." Mark said, unaware of how long this convesation has been going on and how annoyed, yet amused you were feeling, especially because of John's pricesless commentary. And he just had to go on.

"Ya, tell me about it, man..." he looked at you, eyebrows furrowed, hands placed on his chest and he really did look hurt, the little actor. "I just feel so saaaaaad... like there's a hole inside of me and hot chocolate is the only things that could ever glue the pieces my broken heart together." he cried out again.

"Oh, oh, I get that feeling, too." what came as surprise, Taeyong played along.

"Yeah, and it seems like only YOU have the power to heal us, to put us out of our misery, Y/N." Seo continued. Mark must have caught up on the game, as he joined in, saying

"Have mercy on us, Y/N!" You felt like you were going out of your mind, dealing with these whiny boys who were now all gathered around you, staring at you with big pouts on their pretty faces.

"Oh MY GOD, you guys are driving me insane!" you snapped, loudly laughing (and maybe lowkey dying inside). "Yes, fine, okay, AL-RIGH-TY-YO! I will fill your whiny asses with my heavenly hot-cocoa, but boy do I pray that it'll not only glue your bRoKeN piEcEs together, but your mouths as well." you shook your head left to right at them.

"THANK YOU" Johnny said, fake crying. You were almost convinced he’s about to fall to his knees and repeat himself, but luckily for eveyone witnessing, he didn’t. You shook your head at him even more intensely.

"On one... no... on two conditions, though." all three of them looked at you intrigued as to what they'd have to do to have you bless them with your original-family-recipe hot chocolate. "First, since you're all outta milk, you have to go get some at the store and by some I mean multiple boxes because there's so many of you all living under one roof, you damn plague..."

"Sounds fair." commented Mark.

"...and two..." you smirked. "...two, you have to praise and compliment me in 3... 2... 1... Go!" And the boys did as they were told, which made it quite difficult to actually make out what the sweet words were, even harder when Haechan joined in after you confirmed he could get more hot chocolate. But then everything went dead silent as Johnny's raised voice delivered these four words,

"and I love you."

It wouldn't be that big of a deal if it weren't for the fact you two have never exchanged this confession before, as you were dealing with the friends-turned-lovers type of situation, never actually calling each other boyfriend or girlfriend, hell, never really discussing your feelings, just enjoying each other's company and all the benefits that came with it when different needs arose. The momentary silence contributed to the air becoming suffocatingly heavy with a mix of anxiety and a dash of awkwardness, as you were caught off guard with this sudden avowal of feelings, and the confessor himself appeared to be unsure. Not unsure of his feelings, as you would have thought, because it's not like you didn't care about one another in this way. He must have felt unsure of why these words rolled off his tongue in a middle of such commotion. He panicked and decided it was best to flight from the scene, and so he pretended to be called by Jaehyun. You decided to act as well, so you made the decision to get the milk in the supermarket yourself.

"Mark, Mark, let's go to 7-Eleven, the milk isn't gonna buy itself, now, is it?"

"Aye, sure." Mark replied hasily, stuck in fluster over this incident. He now was continuously wondering about all of this. He obviously wasn't with you guys all the time, so he didn't know whether you ever confessed before or what was truly going on between you - obviously, since you never talked about what you felt for each other with one another, why would you with other people. This was something no one could know but you, and the way things got so awkward just a minute ago enhanced his confusion. He wasn't sure if it was okay to talk about this or if you wanted anything but, so he kept quiet. But man, did you wish he'd start a conversation... This silence forced you to stay in your head, feeling a little panicky. You, too, felt unsure and uneasy at this moment. You surely cared about Johnny and spending time with him was truthfully you favorite way of pushing through one day after another, but love... has always been something that confused you a little, because what even is love? Too many people threw this word around like it was nothing, so how does one figure out whether it's something serious or something you can say just so lightheartedly like you’re talking about your favorite cereal? Your lifelong history of having a hard time trusting and opening up to people wasn't helping in this situation at all. And since Mark wasn't going to intiate the dialogue, you decided to do so, before you dig too deep into your anxious thoughts.

"What's your favorite music video you've done so far?" you asked to somehow break the silence, and by him raising his thin brows, you could tell he did not expect you to do so. He laughed, brushing his hair.

"Hm, that's a good question, why don't you answer it first so I can think of my answer."

"What's my favorite MV of NCT's?" you asked rhethorically, since you knew that's what he meant, so you proceeded to share the response before he even nodded in reassurence. "Gotta be the rough version of Limitless. I love the retro style too much, I love everything about it."

"Yeah, that's a good one!" he cheered. "Me, I think for now I'm gonna have to say "Boss" 'cause we got to go to Ukraine to film and that's a travel destination I never thought of visiting, but it was beautiful and so interesting."

"Ahh! I've watched the behind-the-scenes and, not gonna lie, I felt a little jealous. I love to travel." you responed.

"You do?" he continued, to which you nodded. "If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?" You squinted your eyes and held your fingers up to your chin, expressing you're thinking of an answer in movie-like manner.

"Right now, I'm feeling like... Hawaii." you finally said. He seemed so interested in your answer.

"Wah, it'd be so cool to go there some day."

"Yea, it's like a piece of paradise on Earth."

Unexpectedly, this converation initiated by you made the grocery shopping escapade the most pleasant one you've ever gone on, and Mark accompanied you even after you came back to the dorm and started making the crazy amounts of world's most comforting drink for the bunch of sulky idol kids you were so thankful to have become friends with. The living room was now filled with more members than before; sounds of a video game played by Yuta versus WinWin could be heard over a heated conversation happening between Doyoung and Jaehyun; Taeil sat alone at the dinner table, scrolling intensely on his phone; even Renjun and Chenle, who must've escaped the Dream dorm to hang out at their hyungs' place, were there, leaning over the couch behind Haechan who was still messing with his mobile; and Taeyong just joined, with a slightly-shocked expression on his face as he saw so many people gathered in one medium-sized living room. It’s like everyone was there... except for your Johnny - and that struck you with anxiety. Finishing your duty as the hot-chocolate-assosiation head chef, you poured the drink into all the cups you could find and with help of your convo-partner, served it to the others by placing it on the large dinner table and having Haechan shout "HOT CHOCO Y'ALL" as he saw you put the trace down. You went up to Taeyong to ask about Johnny jist to have him lead you to their shared bedroom, where you found the target sat on the bed, looking quite distressed.

"I made you an extra-large cup of hot cocoa so if you don't come out to join the party, it'll just turn into cold cocoa." you said with a smily expression. "And most likely end up being consumed by Haechan anyway." You made your boyfriend laugh for a second, but that quickly turned back to the colon-slash emoji expression. It was the image of someone who's seriously bothered by a mess of thoughts. And everyone knew what it was all about. He sighed before opening his mouth, letting a fistful of words hastily fall out.

"Look, I know it was so wrong or weird to say that, especially so randomly and under such circumstances and I don't even know why it came out of my mouth right then and there, and then I made it even worse by panicking and stupidly escaping, like what kind of pers-"

"And I love you, too." you cut him off, finally returning the confession. It took him by surprise, but it was a pleasant one, like when you r mum is the only person to call you on your birthday but then it turns out it’s because your friends were busy throwing you a secret birthday part. And you didn't just say those words because you felt you were compelled to do so. You meant it, as you figured it out just two minutes ago, when you stood in that room filled with too many people you dearly care about and yet felt some sort of emptiness, because he wasn't there. He appeared to be at a loss of words, which was a rare occurence for Johnny Seo. He was just smiling, looking at you, and you felt so sure now, you were in love."I always felt nervous when we kissed on those days where I'd think too much about the meaning of love, or what it should be like, what the movies and books have taught me, and how maybe I'd never be ready to open up, be this or be that, how I may ruin it all one day, this friendship, because I was careless enough to let myself cross this line and engage in romance. You see, I've never been with anyone before and it's not like I never had the chance to date, it's that I convinced myself it's better to be alone, because being with somebody is too hard, too risky, too complicated and I hated the idea of that... but it isn't like that at all with you. It's just so easy with you, on those days where I don't let my thoughts enhance the fire that lits up my anxiety, on those days where we just kiss through smiles and I feel the goddamn butterflies, it just feels so right. You and I, it feels so right, and I figured that it could be like that on all days, if I just let myself go, and it's so hard because I like control and I wired myself to believe I'm better off alone because that way I can't end up getting hurt, but for you I'd try and for you I'd take the risk. And now I realize that all of these things mean I'm, in fact, in love with you, and I love you." The raw monologue turned out better than you thought, almost free of stumbling on your own words. He listened to you so intensely through all these words, watching your lips move and your eyes wander. Without responding, he got off the bed, stood up and slowly walked up to you, gazing into your eyes for what seemed like too-long of a moment, before he finally spoke, now with calmness in his voice. No more awkward rambling.

"The only time or reason I ever felt nervous was not knowing if you feel the same way. But now I do. I always felt at ease with you, it is just so right, like you said, I just feel so happy when I'm around you and these days I'm happy a lot with the life I'm lucky to be living, but you are a different kind of happiness... and that's how I knew. And, so, I love you." Now you were the one who couldn't say anything. Your gut was burning up and a shaky smile was glued on your face."Oh, and also, when I'm horny, I can't think about anyone else but you anymore." he added and you burst out laughing, him alike.

"Couldn't let this scene be all-too-serious, could you." you laughed.

"Nope." he said, with a goofy smile on his lips.

"Well, I think all that needed to be said, was, and I don't wanna rush things... but there's luke-warm cocoa to be drank..." you joked, too, making him laugh once again. The abolute U-turn this conversation took was just the perfectly accurate image of your relationship - almost never too serious despite serious feelings."I swear, if Haechan drank it, I'm gonna beat his shawty ass." you added as you turned around to open the door and make your way to the busy room.

"Babe, I think you're shorter than him."

"No, the proper response is 'Of course I'll help you beat his shawty ass up, babe'" you sassed as a reply.

"Sorry, I'll note it down and do better next time, mademoiselle."

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theboookwitch · 6 years ago

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Review: The Brilliant Death

It’s been a hectic, exhausting, and emotional two weeks, but I was able to finally find time to finish The Brilliant Death (with a little help from Oliver). It’s always such a relief to start reading and immediately find a little bit of solace in a well-crafted fictional universe. This book brought the exact literary escape that I needed.

Ollie is the best reading buddy. Okay, onto my book thoughts! I genuinely loved it. It gave me medieval Italy with a dash of mafia. As an Italian-American who was basically raised on The Godfather - I was thrilled.

Also, I’ve been reading books in the YA world for 20 years. Can I just say how absolutely refreshing it is to have such a plethora of diverse characters these days? Non-binary MC and love interest?! Yes, please! The commentary on gender and sexual identity is really well done, and I’m so happy that it’s there for kids who might need it.

Another thing I loved is the way magic is presented, and how it manifests differently in different strega. I want more strega lore, and I want to meet more strega characters so badly. I’d almost move this as a multi-POV, bc I definitely want to get into Cielo’s head. I am so glad that this is going to be a series because I am very much looking forward to getting more familiar with these characters and this universe.

Okay, so for some of the critiques. Honestly, I don’t have many, but I do think that some of the plot was lost for some of the more romantic scenes. I feel like the ending happened so quickly. One minute, Teo is being confronted by the Capo and swept up in undying familial loyalty. Next thing you know, Teo is leaving her family behind in spite of an impending war and the guaranteed wrath of the Capo and the other families...AND Beniamo. I guess it just felt so rushed towards the end. I also feel like we didn’t get nearly as much from the Strega sisters as I wanted. They were probably my favorite side characters, and I feel like we only got a shadow of what they could’ve been. And both of them were kind of killed off pretty quickly as well. Lastly, I felt like Papa di Sangro’s excuse for Teo not leading was kind of a cop out. He said it wasn’t how the families had ever done things, but the heads of the families were all dead, and their sons knew that Teo had been acting as head of the family. And they already knew of their/her powers. And Lorenzo had even mentioned how women rule where he is from, so I just felt like that was kind of a weak excuse on Niccolo’s part, and easily accepted on Teo’s part.

Other than that, I am a massive fan of this book. I can’t wait for the rest of the series, because it’s so wonderful.

#the brilliant death #ya fantasy #ya lit #amreading #amreadingYA #tbr #tbrpile #2019 books #currently reading #book review #bookworm #booklover #book pics #bookstagram #bibliophile #library books #american eskimo #puppy #dogs and books

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diaryofasupergroupie · 6 years ago

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Groupie Initiation (pt. 2)

My awakening of the previous night brought me into a state of need and urgency. I remember not being able to believe that people behaved like that. People would meet each other open the doors of the tour van and ravage their lips. I was never religious but getting kissed like that made me believe in sin. The school girl I still was left me replaying the words from the previous night over and over in my head. We have more shows this week, you should come. How dare he invite me to a world I knew nothing about! How dare he kiss me like I was a woman and then leave without telling me an address, a number, a time. At the start musicians will expect you to do all the leg work. You are a complete nobody no matter how pretty or funny or outrageous you are. They are a whole lot of somebodies – an immediate power imbalance that nobody in the scene wants to talk about.

I searched Myspace – now you have an insight on when I entered the scene - and I rifled through magazines and found their gig – a bus ride away. My sense of danger has never been good. Taking risks comes natural to me. I caught a bus that night all fishnet stockings, borrowed heels and hopeful eyes. I didn’t have my bus fair home. I didn’t tell anyone where I was really headed. All I brought was my cousin’s lipstick and a lighter. It was going to be a conversation starter with L and then the whole band. We would all joke about it and then D would kiss me again. The mind set of a teenager that obsessed with music and this new scene she had found was making her delusional. These were all also things no one should ever do. Each one of them could get a fourteen year old girl who wore her heart on her sleeve killed – besides maybe offering D a lighter.

I found the venue and headed in the equally dank, dark, grimy shoebox of a place without any ticket or money. My little heart was pounding and the only thing pulling me forwards was the way that the music had touched my soul in a way nothing else in my short life had. The man inside asked for my ticket. He was a huge bouncer like man that scared the life out of me. I actually came to know him quite well later – he was old Army and has three kids, two in university. I probably took a deep breath or maybe I stopped breathing all together. Most likely the latter, I used to panic a lot. “My tickets are inside.” I squeaked out and he let me past but regarded me with dangerous suspicion. I had broken the first barrier but I didn’t know enough about getting to the band to know what the next one was. Even that wouldn’t fly if I tried to enter the scene now.

Roadies were setting up onstage and were shouting orders while the early fans waited. They were barking at each other and flitting past security and through a doorway. They all had stickers on with their name written in scribbles. Tour laminates only really took place when bands start progressing. When they’re not big enough the expense is always too much. I didn’t have one of the stickers so I hung around the stage. My head went from side to side like an animal with paranoia someone was going to kick me out and leave me wanting. Eventually a group of them went backstage and I followed close behind. The best way to get back your first time is to blend. But that wouldn’t be possible now, security is so much tighter. You need to know someone to get back there. That’s why you can’t use this post as a guideline. It’s a lot harder now and you can’t just sneak backstage, especially if you’re not in a shoebox of a venue.

I followed the group of men wearing tired clothes and the door opened. Out walked D and L. D saw me and grinned. He was never charming back then, he was unapologetic. He called out to me and gave me a hug making the frenzy of anticipation that had held me all day get loose. Then I was pulled back and the big tough bouncer type looked down on me. I felt like all my hopes had been scattered, all my wishes had been dashed. I was here. I had everything in my grasp. “She’s with us.” D said. I felt like I had really achieved something. He let me go and I clung to D like a toddler clings to its mother. He gave me a quick kiss to remind me I was here and it wasn’t all just something I had made up in my head.

He took me to a room where the band were and I knew it was real. It’s a hard thing to describe to someone who has never been backstage, even in those tiny little rooms in those tiny little venues. Backstage isn’t a place, it’s a feeling. This time I’ll talk about that room and not the ones you get in arenas. It was tiny with a table for booze and some fold up chairs in the corner. There was a bowl of skittles balancing on an abandoned kick drum that someone was pouring cheap vodka into. The people are packed in like sardines and you can feel everyone’s breath when you make your way forward to get a drink. D poured me some vodka with soda and I took an unhealthy gulp. I had only drank a handful of times before. There were band guys on one side of the room, girls on the other and the odd one had fought through into no man’s land. It was like a school dance, except much edgier.

D asked me what I thought and I didn’t know a cool way to say everyone here were beautiful people who drank and smoked and did other equally rebellious things while I was pretending to be one of them secretly thinking about my curfew. I told D that it was cool but I had done this tons of times. He called me a liar. Everyone in the scene knows everyone, even the American girls know the British girls. I didn’t know that then though. He called over one of the girls in no man’s land and she was my first every experience of what a groupie was. There are different kinds of groupies, two kinds were there that night. There are those who wear tight dresses, too much make-up and are there to sleep with the band. Today they would just be called band whores – them suck off the band to name drop type girls. Then there were the other girls – the flower child, psychedelics, no bra, dreaming of the 60’s type girls. She was one of them girls who walked on air, that Woodstock type. She was a magical pixie with red wavy hair that brushed her waist. She was like Ariel on acid. Her skinny arms wrapped around me and pulled me to her chest engulfing me with her free spirit she would throw around like confetti and that clung to everything around her like glitter.

Her name was V. She was fifteen pretending to be eighteen. V linked arms with me and led me through the mass of bodies. She had a line of blue WKD bottles that were entirely reminiscent of a certain time and a certain place. In my ear she whispered a commentary to the backstage debauchery that in retrospect was very timid compared to what it would be like when the crowd changed later. There were girls standing in one corner who looked glamorous and alluring with long eyelashes and breasts that filled out their bras. They were with another band, a much bigger band. They were the old ones who were retiring. Groupies have a sell by date with anything over twenty eight getting thrown in the used pile. Everyone talks about the size of Connie Hamzy’s balls but no one actually wants to be her – on her knees, sucking off the singer, guitarist, drummer, bass player, tour manager, roadie and intern at the age of fifty. V and a couple of other girls were the next generation. They were first generation – groupies who didn’t know anyone. First generations are the ones who made their way backstage because of their own resilience. They were committed to the cause.

I said earlier that backstage isn’t a place it’s a feeling. Backstage is loud music, free beer and freedom. It is dancing on tables, junk food mixed with spirits, girls being pulled onto the knees of men who have guitars resting on the other. Backstage is the spirit of the music industry, the good parts without any of the deadlines or trivial interests. I was fourteen and out of my depth but I knew backstage was a place filled with geniuses and their muses doing what felt good because it felt good. That is why you can’t separate sex, drugs and rock’n’roll. You do what feels good. It is a selfish place.

D pulled me out with him when he went to go out. The older girls were watching me like disapproving mothers. D was their son and I was his shiny new toy. Who knew when he would use me and get bored? If you let them they will. He pushed me against the wall of the corridor in front of everyone and kissed me as he did before. His lips were against mine and everyone saw. God, I thought I had made it. I felt so important. He treated me rough and did what he wanted, no wonder I was always left wanting more. I was a girl who had been raised to take a peck on the cheek and he was showing me the reason we were born with lips. Deep in my stomach I felt a knot and it loosened when he pulled away. I tried to catch my breath but I would have given it all to him. He kissed me again which such vigour. I felt needed. There was so much need in between our lips.

Then he was grabbed by his shirt and pulled roughly against the opposite wall. L pushed him forwards and away from me leaving me exhausted and panting with no one looking up or even caring about the obvious display of blooming womanhood. V grabbed my hand and took me out after the band and to the back of the venue. Now girls stand side stage but back then they stood at the back unless they were brought on stage by the amp or behind the drummer. She didn’t say anything to me while the band played. We were one in the same, I found my soul sister. I didn’t talk or move. We felt the music and it went from the stage deep inside of me bringing feelings of unbridled ecstasy. To feel the music deep inside of you and get lost in it while the men who play it lose themselves too is goosebumps over the skin and sharp inhales leaving you breathless. To know those men know you and could be getting lost in you is selfish joy and school girl daydreams.

The gig had good music that had hot and sweaty bodies crashing into one another. V took me backstage and D came to me in the corridor. He was sweaty and his hair fell into his face as he pushed me into the pathetic excuse for a green room and pulled me down onto his lap. He pecked my neck which is daring and exciting when kisses have only been had on the lips. He tried to put his hand inside my tank top and through the attention and groupie baptism I had the sense to bat his hands away. He listened as he would always listen and kept me on his lap while the next band played. There were feet on the table and the bowl of skittles and vodka was being passed around but his arms were around my waist in ownership and this new girl wasn’t up for anyone. He had called dibs on the virgin pretending to be something she wasn’t.

The clean-up after was quick and all the other girls were drunk. A paid for a taxi back to our city for V and I. Before we left D gave me a quick kiss and took my number where he definitely saved my name followed by my city. The words he said ignited a need in me like he did the night before. “You’re different, you should keep coming to shows.” You can’t get a taste of being in the music no matter how briefly and just go back to drinking in parks and on the street. The music and the men who make it works its way inside of you. It did me, and I never could get it out.

#groupie #modern groupie #bands #diary of a super groupie #diary #emo bands #rock bands #backstage #all access #concerts #my experience #groupie scene #what happens backstage #backstage secrets #tour secrets #how i started

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aion-rsa · 3 years ago

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The Best Comics of 2021

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

Last year, we said “…every work of art made in [2020] is a small miracle. Every comic creator who put irons in the fire in a year that certainly didn’t lack fires deserves gratitude and commendation.” That’s no less true in 2021, a year where days felt like months and each month somehow also passed like a half an hour. Creators who put themselves out there this year did so with even greater precarity and more than a dash of shattered hope. But they helped us get through it all, and we should be immensely grateful.

If you, like us, are having trouble processing EVERYTHING that happened in the last twelve months, we’ve got some help for you! We read a ton of fantastic comics, and narrowed it down with the help of our illustrious readers into 20 books that we enjoyed the most.

20. Hellions (Marvel Comics)

Zeb Wells (W), Stephen Segovia et al (A), Rain Beredo (CA)

If you had told me even five years ago that a comic scene featuring Nanny and Orphan Maker, the little egg with lipstick and the giant toddler mech who used to kidnap mutant kids at the tail end of Chris Claremont’s X-Men run, would actually bring me to tears, I would have probably slapped you. The very concept is ridiculous.

That’s exactly what the last scene of Zeb Wells’ Hellions did.

Wells, Segovia, Beredo, and the rest of the art crew on this book took a collection of profoundly broken Marvel mutants, slapped them together, and turned out a compelling, nuanced, and utterly hilarious examination of how trauma shapes a person. This was easily one of the best comics of the Krakoa era of X-Men books, and almost certainly the most surprising.

19. Made in Korea (Image Comics)

Jeremy Holt (W), George Schall (A)

Made in Korea is a weird combination of hard sci-fi, whimsical family drama, and school shooting-era social commentary that blends all these themes together to actually work. Jeremy Holt and George Schall mix a lot of influences – there’s a bunch of Children of Men and A.I. in here, among others – to turn out a comic that works exceptionally well.

Earth’s birth rate has dropped precipitously, so parents have taken to ordering “proxies” online and raising artificial children as their own. Bill and Suelynn Evans’ proxy, Jesse, arrives with something special about her, and she proceeds to fall in with a rough crowd while her creator races to reconnect with her. The book starts off cute, then turns extremely eerie and more than a little damning. It’s great.

18. Ultramega (Image Comics)

James Harren

Do you like kaiju? Do you enjoy Tokusatsu? Do you think that both of these genres are better when they’re perfectly matched? Or perhaps you think that what they both need is a dose of grotesque body horror to fully illustrate all of the weirdness inherent in both. If that’s you, then reader, you are in for a treat with Ultramega. Far more than just a skyscraper-toppling monster beat-em-up, Ultramega is horrific, strange, and yet imbued with a sense of emptiness in the wake of the carnage its characters leave behind.

17. Hollow Heart (Vault Comics)

Paul Allor (W), Paul Tucker (A)

Hollow Heart is the story of a profoundly unhealthy romantic relationship starring a sad sack government research technician and the mech-wearing Frankenstein’s monster he falls for-slash-experiments on. What a sentence to write. I love comics.

Allor and Tucker’s story is a horror book, but the horror doesn’t stem from the setting or the monster or any of the gory attacks that happen through the book’s six issues. Its horror is the reader feeling what’s inflicted on El, a quiet soul held captive by the government and taken advantage of by Mateo. Tucker’s art is outstanding across the board, but excels in coloring choices, and on El’s face, showing heartbreak with very subtle changes in expression. Allor bought a ton of goodwill with his outstanding run on G. I. Joe. With Hollow Heart, he jumped up to “buy on sight.”

16. Commanders in Crisis (Image Comics)

Steve Orlando (W), Davide Tinto (A)

One should be extremely reluctant to throw around casual comparisons to Grant Morrison, as they’re often unfair to everyone involved. That said, I’m going to do it anyway. Commanders in Crisis is bubblegum Final Crisis in all the best ways.

Steve Orlando machine guns ideas at you so fast that you have to force yourself to read at a normal pace. It’s so packed with Big Ideas that it’s easy to miss the personality packed in the script, but like everything else in Commanders in Crisis, it’s there in abundance. Davide Tinto’s art is bright, crisp, and every bit as high energy as the concepts, making every issue a dense delight.

15. Wonder Woman Historia: The Amazons (DC Comics)

Kelly Sue DeConnick (W), Phil Jimenez (A)

Phil Jimenez was a legend twenty years ago. At the turn of the millennium, George Perez’s artistic spiritual successor was coming off of a run on the acclaimed The Invisibles with Grant Morrison, with whom Jimenez was about to reteam for the best stories of their seminal New X-Men run, just after a classic run on Wonder Woman. And while Jimenez has been incredible (and incredibly important) since then, nothing he’s done can hold even a faint, flickering candle to his work in Wonder Woman Historia.

This book needs to be seen in person, up close, possibly with a magnifying glass, to be truly appreciated. Jimenez’s art is so wrist-shatteringly intricate that it’s easy to lose the actual story and just drift off in awe at the detail on Hera’s boots, or trying to follow all the stories on the infinite pottery floating in the room. This isn’t meant in any way to discount the story that DeConnick wrote: her DC work hasn’t garnered the same attention as her Marvel stuff, but it’s very quietly been fantastic, and here it jumps a level to greatness. But holy hell, the art. For Jimenez to do career work is truly something else, considering how great his career has already been. But that’s what we get with this book.

14. Mashle: Magic and Muscles (Viz)

Hajime Komoto

Ever wondered what it would be like to grow up in Hogsmeade in the shadow of Hogwarts? This hilarious new manga series poses that question and gives those of us who are sick of “the boy who lived” (and its author) a new magical world to live in. Uproarious and often ridiculous in the best way, Hajime Komoto weaves a tale about legacy, family, magic, and of course muscles.

Mashle is our hero, a young man who lives in a small and idyllic village next to a famed magic academy. He trains in the woods every day, but not in magic… in STRENGTH!!! Why? Well, Mashle can’t use magic which is a massive secret that both he and his father keep. But one day a quest for cream puffs puts Mashle in the midst of the small village and in the crosshairs of the local community. Soon his father and life are at risk and he only has one choice: enlist in the magic academy and come out on top or else!!! But he can’t do magic… will muscles be enough???

This is another expressively drawn and dynamic string to Viz’s bow. Mashle is a lovable himbo who just so happens to have almost supernatural strength. His underdog fight to the top is one to behold. Magic and mayhem fly off each page yet Komoto still manages to make this the cozy magical school manga we all need. So wipe off your wand, dust off your weights, and get ready to become engrossed in your new favorite fantasy comic.

13. Nightwing (DC Comics)

Tom Taylor (W) Bruno Redondo (A)

Nightwing is no stranger to the solo spotlight, and there have been plenty of great creative teams who have guided Dick Grayson around Bludhaven and Gotham City over the years. But has there ever been a truly definitive Nightwing book? A singular work that encapsulates everything cool about the character, with art that effortlessly captures the grace, joy, and (yes) sexiness that is Nightwing?

Well, if there wasn’t before, there sure as hell is now. Nightwing is perhaps the single most joyful superhero book on the market. Every page is alive with the same energy and wry humor you expect of its title character, and every issue invites repeated reads. Not because they’re overly dense, but just because they’re so much fun to experience. The last time a street level superhero from one of the Big Two was given this kind of playful exploration of his life and the very possibilities of the comics format it was Matt Fraction and David Aja’s Hawkeye, and, well…that worked out pretty darn well for everyone involved.

12. TMNT: The Last Ronin (IDW)

Kevin Eastman (W), Peter Laird (W), Tom Waltz (W), Esau and Isaac Escorza (A), Ben Bishop (A)

Speaking of returning to an already established history, in TMNT: The Last Ronin Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird finally released one of the most anticipated comics of the year, and the colorful yet dark dystopian story definitely delivers. The Last Ronin works as both a jumping on point for new readers and a deep nostalgia dive for fans of the original comics or the cartoons they spawned. In a futuristic New York that is clearly inspired by the world of 2000AD – and even includes a nice visual nod to Eastman’s one-time collaborator and British comics icon Simon Bisley- one Turtle stands alone. There is no team, no three other loving brothers, just a single survivor who is on a brutal mission for vengeance. And he will stop at nothing to take down those who have hurt him.

Sprawling and serious, but with a sincere edge, The Last Ronin feels both like an ’80s throwback and entirely in line with the current Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comics at IDW. The art team of Escorza, Plata, and Bishop bring Eastman’s instantly recognizable layouts to life in vibrant fashion. Following the only surviving Turtle through the fantastical and fraught landscape is a rollercoaster ride, complete with fan favorite characters cast in entirely new roles. There’s a lot here to love. Even if you haven’t started it, yet this is the perfect TPB pick up.

11. Once and Future (BOOM! Studios)

Kieron Gillen (W), Dan Mora (A), Tamra Bonvillain (CA)

If this was 1991, people would be lining up outside comic shops to grab copies of Once and Future to save for their kids’ college funds. This sounds like a slam, but it’s not: this book is a blast, and Dan Mora being an art wizard who perfected the magic of McFarlane, Lee, and Liefeld is a huge part of it.

Mora spent this year of Once and Future designing new versions of the Knights of the Round Table, and the stylistic similarities to the Image Revolution guys are undeniable. The key differences here are two: instead of the infrequent nonsense that was often passed off as story in the old Image Revolution books, we’re getting a razor sharp story-about-stories from one of the masters of comic scripting, Kieron Gillen. And the second is that comic coloring technology has moved light years past what was possible in 1991, and that has led to a crew of utterly brilliant comic colorists in the game right now, a group that includes Tamra Bonvillain as one of the best. Once and Future is one of the best looking books every month, and it’s a ton of fun to read.

10. The Other History of the DC Universe (DC)

John Ridley (W), Giuseppe Camuncoli (A)

Award-winning screenwriter John Ridley is no stranger to comic books, as both a fan and creator. His first stint with DC Comics was on the newly acquired WildStorm line in the mid ’00s, even taking on their flagship Authority series. After working in film for the next decade plus, Ridley returned to DC and found a way to reinterpret his lifetime of comic book reading into an alternate look at the history of DC’s superheroes.

Years in the making, The Other History of the DC Universe centers a different hero in a different era in each issue. Issue one begins with Jefferson Pierce/Black Lightning setting up the mission statement of the series, recontextualizing the world of DC Comics through the lens of heroes of color. Next up are Mal and Karen Duncan/Herald and Bumblebee, and then we explore Tatsu Yamashiro/Katana. Issue four takes on Renee Montoya/The Question and we finish with Anissa Pierce/Thunder. It’s a full circle journey for Ridley and an emotional one. It’s clear how much each character means to the writer.

One of the most interesting things about the book is that it differs greatly from your average comic. This is a perfect pickup for someone who thinks sequential storytelling isn’t for them as it’s more akin to an illustrated novel. In that way it feels more like the experimental storytelling of The Sandman, while the prestige presentation harks back to the classic Marvel Graphic Novel releases of the ’80s. Basically, this is a historical monument to DC and the often overlooked heroes of color that have played such a huge part in their success.

9. Something is Killing the Children (BOOM! Studios)

* READER’S CHOICE*

James Tynion IV (W), Werther Dell’Edera (A), Miquel Muerto (CA)

Something is Killing the Children, our Reader’s Choice winner, started out as a genuinely creepy horror comic, using James Tynion’s exceptional skill at making readers feel something wrong long before the monster shows up. And then somewhere in the middle of the Archer Peak saga, the book turned over the creepiness and started adding in heavier action, and Werther Dell’Edera started to really shine.

Dell’Edera has a knack for pacing out a page. This book leans on double page spreads, but they’re almost always used for flow rather than for big, splashy action, and Dell’Edera’s layouts move the story along well. His figures and fight scenes flow beautifully, and he loosens and tightens his pencils almost as if your eye is going in and out of focus, to help keep the surreality of a world where kids are imagining monsters into existence centered in your mind. Our readers picked another banger this year!

8. It’s Jeff! (Marvel Comics)

Kelly Thompson (W), Gurihiru (A)

This is one of my favorite comics of all time, and it’s my four year old daughter’s first favorite comic ever. It’s Jeff is the vertical scrolling Sunday funnies story of Jeff the Land Shark, rescued by Kate Bishop in Kelly Thompson’s underrated West Coast Avengers book, with art from Superman Smashes the Klan’s Gurihiru.

Through the twelve issues released (so far), Jeff has been the darling of a superhero pool party; stolen Captain America’s shield to sled with the Young Avengers; eaten the Infinity Gauntlet; and swiped a superhero gathering’s Thanksgiving turkey. It’s almost completely wordless, but the story, the emotion and the punchlines are all brilliantly conveyed by Gurihiru’s art, and the stories are so much fun that we will go entire nights where my kid and I read nothing but Jeff comics for bedtime. If you have a young person in your life, this will completely justify an annual Marvel Unlimited subscription.

7. The Good Asian (Image Comics)

Pornsak Pichetshote (W), Alexandre Tefenkgi (A), Lee Loughridge (CA)

Comics are so good at noir, but only if the creators are capable. Pichetshote and Tefenkgi are extremely up to the task with The Good Asian, a noir detective tale that follows Chinese-American detective Edison Hark as he tries to solve a murder mystery in pre-World War II San Francisco, but the real story is Hark and the creative team taking aim at the model minority myth. This book is dark and violent and beautiful, with a self loathing main character dropped in the middle of a fascinating, tense setting.

6. The Saddest Angriest Black Girl in Town (Black Josei Press)

Robyn Smith

Robyn Smith is one of the most talented and interesting cartoonists working right now. Coming off the massive mainstream success of the DC YA OGN Nubia: Real One, Smith reprinted this stunning autobiographical comic through Jamila Rowser’s newly established publisher Black Josei Press. Gorgeous, moving, and an exercise in illustration as impact, The Saddest Angriest Black Girl in Town centers on Smith’s experiences as one of the only Black people in a rural Vermont town. Smith’s dramatic linework and ability to imbue each illustration with an almost overwhelming amount of emotion immerses us into their world and a glimpse of their experience. There’s a magic in Smith’s art and in this book which shimmers from each page.

This exploration of mental health and Blackness is not only a must read, but the physical comic is absolutely beautiful. If you enjoy the art of comics and cartooning but want to explore independent comics that are blazing a unique trail, make sure you pick this up and support Black Josei Press, as they’re the kind of publisher that make comics worthwhile. And while you’re at it make sure you’re checking out all of Smith’s brilliant work, because after The Saddest Angriest Black Girl in Town you’ll be in need of more of her exhilarating and gorgeous cartooning.

5. The Many Deaths of Laila Starr

Ram V (W), Filipe Andrade (A)

For a comic with only five issues, The Many Deaths of Laila Starr has quickly become one of the most talked about series of the year. Ram V and Filipe Andrade are a powerhouse team. Together they craft a beautiful looking tale with unexpected emotional heft. They’re not alone either, with color assists from Inês Amaro and some of the most exciting lettering of the year from AndWorld Design. Vibrant colors and dynamic linework draw you into this tale of life, death, and the inbetween. It’s truly a reading experience like no other thanks to the unique story, stunning art, and permanently drenched in sunset palette.

In another unique twist, our titular heroine dies in the first issue. But that’s just the beginning of her story. See, Death needs a body and Laila’s just became available. Sublimely entertaining and epic in scope, The Many Deaths of Laila Starr feels like a classic in the making. Entwining an engaging central mystery with folklore that’s absolutely drenched in atmosphere, this series has garnered a massive fan base and deserved praise. It’ll inspire the kind of childhood rush that comics used to make you feel.

4. Batman/Superman

Gene Luen Yang (W), Ivan Reis & Danny Miki (A)

The same guy who writes stellar all-ages books and historical stories has the ability to jump into a headline comic like Batman/Superman and bring out the best work of Ivan Reis’s career by twisting the comic storytelling form around on itself like a DNA helix. Almost literally.

“The Archive of Worlds” was the story arc coming out of Dark Nights: Death Metal, DC’s big multiversal reset book, so naturally the story jumped right into those possibilities, by introducing a robotic “auteur” filmmaker trying to splice together parallel worlds containing classic versions of Batman and Superman. The story had everything, from delightful looks at golden age heroes to brutal meta-commentary on the DCEU (this book took shots at the Snyder Cut the week it came out!).

How the story was told is where this gets brilliant, though: much of it is told through parallel film strips running across the page, with burns showing a crossing of the worlds, and Etrigan brought in at one point to help with the editing process. If you haven’t read this story arc yet, you’re missing out. It’s incredible.

3. New Mutants (Marvel)

Vita Ayala (W), Rod Reis (A)

Every year at least one comics creator makes the leap to greatness, and this year, Vita Ayala owned the hell out of this industry. Their Nubia and the Amazons book with Steph Williams and Alisha Martinez just missed out on making this list, and Children of the Atom with Bernard Chang works even better when taken as a companion to this book. But it’s New Mutants with the stellar Rod Reis on art that stood head and shoulders above almost the entire rest of comics this year.

This run of New Mutants seems to best fulfill the promise of the Krakoa era for mutants. It’s hard to miss the book’s influences – Reis is doing an almost comic strip impression of the great Bill Sienkiewicz on the same book, while Ayala’s character work, setting, and even some of the plot choices, echo the greatness of the Claremont run that started it all. But at the same time, this book examines deep questions raised by Krakoa – inherent contradictions in the resurrection protocols, ideas of redemption or even acceptance of some of the most vile villains in the Marvel Universe, and some of the hypocrisy underpinning the whole regime. This is a spectacular comic made by creators doing the best work of their careers, and it’s at the top of my reading list every week it comes out.

2. The Department of Truth

James Tynion IV (W), Martin Simonds et al (A)

Year two of Department of Truth was a banger, with guest art spots from greats like Elsa Charretier and Tyler Boss, but the success of this book falls firmly on two things.

The first is Simonds’ spectacular, mood-setting art. Simonds is like Bill Sienkiewicz if he worked harder in collage. He uses every square inch of the page to further the story, from patterned gutters to heavy, inky silhouettes. His sketchiness is essential to a comic that is about the blurry line between truth and fiction.

The second is how right-place right-time The Department of Truth is. The idea that collective will can turn conspiracy theories real is a hell of a hook. But we now live in a world where a measurable percentage of the American electorate is waiting for JFK junior to stroll into a Dallas park; where a major political gathering during a pandemic can lead to hundreds of cases of the pandemic disease while all of the people who got it there are swearing it’s anthrax; where NASA can hire a couple dozen theologians to figure out how pissed people would be if it turned out aliens were real (No reason! Just curious!). For a variety of reasons, we are now living in an almost post-truth world, and that makes The Department of Truth scary as hell.

1. Batman: Wayne Family Adventures

CRC Payne (W), StarBite et al (A)

Marvel and DC have both long wanted to get into the world of true web comics (rather than just digital comics you can read online) and this unbelievably charming DC webtoon does just that. Batman: Wayne Family Adventures is a massive moment for DC and superhero comics in general, especially when the series gained hundreds of thousands of followers in its first 24 hours online.

The delightful weekly comic follows Duke Thomas A.K.A. The Signal. Since his introduction in 2014, Duke has become a fan favorite member of the Bat-Family, and here we get to see him moving into Wayne Manor. While that sounds like a simple enough setup, the delightful cartooning makes this one of the most elegantly hilarious comics going. Oh, and if that phrase Bat-Family got you excited then you’re going to love this series as Wayne Family Adventures is the best Bat-Family comic going.

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As Duke is moving into Wayne Manor, that means he has a lot of company. The extended Bat-Family has long been one of the most beloved parts of DC canon, and here it finally gets a comic befitting that following. Throughout the episodes, fans–and Duke–interact with Cass Cain, Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson, Steph Brown, Tim Drake, Barbara Gordon, and more. Each of the one-time sidekicks are portrayed perfectly. It’s the slice of life superhero comic we’ve always dreamed of. Balancing humor, heart, and perfect pacing, this is easily one of the best comics of the year. It’s exciting to see publishers embracing new formats and making brilliant comics to fit them. We can’t wait to see more of our beautiful children next year!

The post The Best Comics of 2021 appeared first on Den of Geek.

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elizas-writing · 6 years ago

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Movie Reviews: The Incredibles 2

Alright, I’m just going to throw this out there now before I get ahead of myself. Yes, this movie is not epilepsy friendly. There’s a shit ton of flashing strobe lights periodically through the whole film, and I definitely don’t recommend seeing it in theaters if your photo sensitivity is that bad. Just wait until it’s streaming.

Now, on with the review!

Of all the Pixar films which were dying for a sequel, The Incredibles was right up at the top. Director Brad Bird brought visual splendor of retrofuturism and his intense brand of maturity you almost never get to see in family animated films, making it one of Pixar’s best. With it being a superhero film (especially in a time before cinematic universes were a thing), there was a ton of potential for character growth and new villains with a sequel.

But Bird got sucked into some other projects and wanted to wait out enough time to let the creativity to flow naturally. So when they finally announced that the sequel was going to be a thing after fourteen years, people got excited. While I was definitely one of those people, I was also a little worried since it is a sequel being released fourteen years later. Would it actually live up to the hype?

Well, let’s go into the story first.

Starting right where we last left off in the first film, the Parr family (AKA the Incredibles) confront the Underminer. Despite their best efforts to keep everyone safe and stop the villain, he escapes anyway, and the family is blamed for the collateral damage. This prompts the shut down of the Superhero Relocation Program, leaving the Parrs with no resources to pick themselves up after losing their home fighting Syndrome three months before. Luckily, someone saw them in action and wants to regain public support of Supers. Winston and Evelyn Deavor of DevTech want to use their technology to publicize the superhero work civilians don’t see, ensuring that they are still saving society and provide enough reason to legalize supers once again. Helen Parr (Elastigirl) is picked as their representative, leaving Bob (Mr. Incredible) to watch the kids while she’s out fighting crime. As Helen gets a taste of adrenaline again and Bob adapts to being a homemaker, a new threat emerges which could jeopardize Supers and keep them hidden forever.

This is one of the best looking Pixar films to date with such a meticulous attention to detail. The textures in the skin, clothing, glass, and water are just amazing to look at with similar photo-realism I last saw in Coco. It ups the action scenes and emotional performances with Bird’s fluidly expressive and fast-paced animation. It also takes full advantage of what the supers, old and new, can do with their powers, especially Elastigirl. Any time I saw her use a new technique with her flexibility, I just thought, “Brilliant!” You can tell there were great, creative minds behind the fight scenes to make these powers stand out. No wonder it took so long to get a sequel out.

Most of the original voice cast is back to reprise their roles, and as expected, they’re still wonderful in keeping up with Bird’s kind of energy. Dash was the only voice to be replaced since his actor grew too old, but you can’t even tell the difference, and he’s just perfect for Dash. And, of course, the newer voices are just as amazing for this fast-paced, energetic movie.

I’ll admit I was initially worried at the premise since it just seemed like a role reversal of the first film, right down to a tech company CEO wanting Supers to make a comeback. And how many sitcoms have we seen where the dad has to stay at home, take care of the kids and is just a royal fuck up? On one hand, the plot gets a little predictable, but it thankfully provides updates where it sorely needed them. As expected, Bob is out of touch with being a father, hates not working, and-- no pun intended-- is incredibly insecure on his wife being the breadwinner and first choice for regaining public support of Supers. But it’s very careful to not make him a stereotypical incompetent dad/husband character type.

He adapts, becomes resourceful, listens to his kids, and eventually gets over himself when he realizes he’s being irrational. And given that he’s raising Super kids at such a pivotal point in their lives-- particularly with Jack Jack growing more erratic with his new powers by the day--, his stress is understandable; hell, you’d probably freak out too if your youngest child just vanished into another dimension. He’s just a wonderful dad to look up to as someone who always tries to do better for his family.

It’s also great seeing Helen in the spotlight with a noticeably different fighting style from her husband. While Bob likes to smash his way through a situation with brute force, Helen is a lot more meticulous, cunning and careful, whether in a fight or saving bystanders. I love seeing her energy and enjoying the thrill of superhero work, but not letting it go to her head and remembering why she’s there. She has fun interactions with Evelyn and some of the other Supers, and as I said before, the animation on her is super creative and so damn impressive.

Violet and Dash are still a fun sibling dynamic where they equally get on each other’s nerves but are also excellent superhero partners, whether making sure their dad is in check or fighting off bad guys themselves. It’s just a fun rapport between the two. I also really appreciate how maturely Bird treats them under their circumstances. They’re as much involved with this changing world as their parents, and need to learn how to navigate balancing a normal life and a superhero life. And their parents know better than to tap dance around the truth, so they can be prepared for the worst case scenario. And Jack-Jack is a whole brand of wild with his new powers you just have to see for yourself. He’s a laugh riot, and it’s so cute to see him mimic the adults’ behaviors.

While there are some wonderful changes to a typical sitcom plot and the mystery Helen has to solve is fascinating, I felt like the film could’ve gone the extra mile in expanding the worldbuilding and character dilemmas, especially for how much they kept building up the whole “It’s been 14 years!” in the commercials. I love these new heroes they introduce (particularly Voyd, who is a disaster lesbian, who the fuck are y’all kidding with the “functional” shit), but I wanted to know more about the world dealing with the comeback of Supers with reemerging prejudices on collateral damage, overbearing amounts of responsibility, and the possibility of over-reliance on Supers to save the day.

The commentary is there, but the plot still has to juggle what’s going on with the rest of the family while Helen is at work. And even that doesn’t seem to be balanced out either. There’s a whole section on Violet trying to maintain a relationship with a boy which produces a lot of complications with her maintaining secrecy on her Super identity. That would be a perfect opportunity to explore these prejudices and what Supers sacrifice in hiding. But they’re brief scenes with way too fast resolutions.

And with the story being so predictable, we have another plot twist villain, and this trend in Disney films is obnoxious because it’s almost never a surprise anymore. I’d be more forgiving if we took more time to dive into their motivations or if there was fascinating subtext like in Moana. And this villain has some great points to bounce off the heroes, but like I said, the worldbuilding is cut too short because of the other developing side-plots. It really sucks, because Bird handled the paranoia of the other so well in The Iron Giant, and The Incredibles is the perfect setting to explore such themes and make parallels to Civil Rights. It’s not awful or severely underdeveloped, but I think they missed an opportunity to make the story pack a punch and relied a little too much on its own hype.

Even for what it lacks, The Incredibles 2 is still a fun family superhero flick which delivers what was perfect from the first film. The animation is freaking amazing, the characters and their interactions are fun with some great growth, and the action really packs a punch. I can’t completely get behind the hype like the marketing wants me to, but for The Incredbiles, it’s too damn entertaining to miss out on.

If you enjoyed this review and what I do here, consider buying me a ko-fi to show your support!

#the incredibles #incredibles #the incredibles 2 #incredibles 2 #disney #pixar #disney pixar #movie #movie review #movie reviews #reviews #my writing

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narnianvalkyrieofberk · 3 years ago

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Okay, I.... Have many thoughts and would like to put my two cents in. Also don't wanna take up a bunch of dash space tho sooooo

Okay, so first of all

"This scenario happens a lot in real life, where the kid feels as though nothing is in her favor and life itself is unfair. Her ideals aren’t matching up with reality." Please. Please by all means explain to me how Lilo's life is fair. Yes, shitty things happen in life and we can't just magically change that. But that doesn't mean life is fair. Nani and Lilo having lost their parents is not fair. Mertle treating Lilo like shit is not fair. The hula teacher doing nothing to stop Mertle's constant bullying and Mertle never seeming to face any consequences for being a bully IS. NOT. FAIR. So, I mean, you're not wrong about Lilo's ideals not matching reality. But that doesn't automatically mean the reality that is there is fair.

"Lilo isn’t just the bullied weird kid. She’s a brat. Her first instinct when somebody says something she doesn’t like is to get violent…" Mertle called Lilo crazy after Lilo explained a ritual she does, presumably to cope with her parents' death, that is very important to her. Unless you want to count smaller instances as nitpicks such as shoving Stitch away or slamming her door, this is literally the only time in the movie we see Lilo get violent. And on top of that, she APOLOGIZES to Mertle without prompting from an adult forcing her to do so. Is it ideal that Lilo hit and bit Mertle? No. Is it completely understandable behavior from a child who is still young and learning right and wrong? Yes.

"Lilo is horrendously ungrateful for everything Nani sacrifices for her, and gets bitter and spiteful when she’s called on it, so much so that the child throws a tantrum. Poor Nani is left STILL trying to pick up the slack, STILL trying to fix things in Lilo’s destructive wake, and Lilo honestly doesn’t care." This is a literal six-year-old. Like, if this was a teenager or something, yes by all means she should understand the situation a lot better. But she doesn't because she is a child. Like. Six-year-olds' brains literally have not even fully formed into one cohesive personality yet at this point. They're on the tail end of doing it, but they're not done yet until usually about the 7-9 years old range. So you are asking this literal developing child who is probably also stunted due to the trauma of losing her parents to fully comprehend the weight of what her sister is taking care of. Please, let that sink in for a moment.

"Lilo is of the mindset that it’s Nani’s job to clean up after her messes, and takes that entirely for granted. And the message of the movie, “family means nobody gets left behind,” underscores this and even says that it IS the family’s job to fix its members’ messes… without holding that family member responsible or accountable." Look, I'm very much of the mindset that different people can get very different messages from the same story. So I'm trying to be understanding here. That being said, I am genuinely baffled as to how this is the message you got from Lilo and Stitch. Like. Nani does hold Lilo accountable. That's what their whole fight that I'm presuming is what you were referencing in the last point I touched on was about. Lilo holds Stitch accountable in some ways as well, hence the widely popular "This is you. This is your badness level" scene.

"The natural result of that message is a wonderfully horrific movie called The Godfather. I highly recommend it if you haven’t actually ever watched it; it is not a fun movie but it is very eye-opening." Okay, I can't give a lot of commentary on this because I haven't actually seen The Godfather. The most I've done is read the wikipedia summary. So take my opinion on this with a grain of salt. Said opinion being, yes this movie does depict a very unhealthy level of "family first" mentality. But.... I don't see it as comparable to Lilo and Stitch??? Like... I genuinely just don't see where this connection is being drawn at all.

"So when Lilo wishes for somebody to arrive to fix all her problems again, somebody who’d reinforce the behaviors that she likes, regardless of how bad those behaviors are for everyone around her… well, she gets what she asked for. She gets Stitch." -- "I need someone to be my friend. Someone who won't run away. Maybe send me an angel? The nicest angel you have." -- Please. Please, by all means explain this one to me. Explain to me how a desperate bullied six-year-old asking for a friend, asking for THE NICEST ANGEL HEAVEN HAS is asking for a little demon to indulge all her worst behaviors. Please. Because I genuinely do not understand this leap of logic.

"Now, Stitch is a monster. Stitch is - and SHOULD be - the physical manifestation of Lilo’s bitterness, self-indulgence, and tendency to lash out at anything that’s set against her." Lilo isn't bitter. She is a traumatized child. By all means, if you know a way to help a child who, again has a brain that hasn't fully processed yet how to be a singular, consistent, cohesive person yet even, process complex emotions like grief and PTSD in a manner equivalent to the abilities of (I'm assuming you're a) grown ass adult, get on the line with child psychologists and teach them your methods. It could literally revolutionize the field of child psychology. Otherwise, you're just asking a small, emotionally underdeveloped child to do the impossible and behave in a more perfectly mature manner than even a lot of adults do.

"Of COURSE she’d like this little beast. And the movie portrays him as a little beast! …sort of. He should be even more of a monster than the movie claims. It is not Stitch’s narrative role, in this kind of story, to be sympathetic." Okay, so I'm assuming (hoping) that the narrative role you're referring to is the narrative role he would play in your ideal version of Lilo and Stitch and not the narrative role he plays in the actual story. Because in the actual story he is a narrative parallel to Lilo the protagonist, both of whom are supposed to be sympathetic in some manner. They are both outcasts trying to find a place to belong. I'm.... Okay, I'm gonna be honest. I actually think I'd kind of enjoy a discussion with OP about Mary Shelley's Frankenstein because then at least there's (in my opinion) more grounds for a "This character [the monster] is not meant to be sympathetic" because while I do find several of his actions to be unforgivable in a narrative context, I still find him to be a painfully sad and horribly sympathetic character. But I can understand why someone else wouldn't. I genuinely cannot understand why one would think Stitch is not meant to be sympathetic or shouldn't be meant in such a manner.

"He needs to be the ultimate result of allowing your kid to become a little monster. Nani continues to indulge Lilo when she should be putting her foot down, and the result is that the household invites in the worst kind of monster there is - one that everyone in the house created together." Please. Please for the love of god show me one example of Nani indulging Lilo. She chides Lilo for getting in fights. She chides Lilo and sends her to her room for not waiting at the school like she was meant to. Like.... Are we just defining indulging a child as "not verbally beating them over the head for every mistake the make"??? Like, I don't think that's what you mean. I genuinely don't. But I'm not sure what alternative it is that you have. "Where the story SHOULD go from here is that Lilo and Stitch have a grand old time together, wreaking further havoc on Nani’s life (and the lives of everyone around them)… until finally that havoc actually affects Lilo’s life, and she cannot avoid the repercussions. Her indulgence in allowing this little monster to destroy everything has brought things to a very, very bad place." Please. I am begging you. Explain what havoc Lilo wreaked on Nani's life beyond that which a normal child wreaks on their caregiver's life! Like... my immediate thought is maybe you're focusing on Nani getting fired from her job as a waitress. But like... That wasn't Lilo's fault. If you want to blame anyone for Nani getting fired, blame Jumbaa and Pleakley. Like. I personally wouldn't even blame them because they're just trying to capture the highly dangerous creature they were sent after and don't have any reason to believe their actions would negatively affect the life of anybody but said creature. And Stitch is just trying to not get captured and isolated and/or taken apart piece by piece. Can't really say I blame him there. The manager I'm torn on because Nani's "dog" DID just attack a patron. But I'm inclined to call him a dick because he doesn't really seem to try and get the full story and it's entirely possible he allowed Nani to bring her "dog" in in the first place. And Lilo's just sitting there coloring and potentially trying to work out how best to teach Stitch to behave. So..... yeah, all the blame I'm seeing going anywhere pretty much goes on the manager.

"Lilo should try to confront Stitch, and Stitch should not care in the slightest, echoing how Lilo responded to when Nani finally tried to confront her… and now the reality of what’s happened should sink in for Lilo, so her only remaining option would be to abandon Stitch, to get rid of the monster. Only at this point would Stitch also start to realize that he’s done this to himself." I'm still so fucking lost. What did Lilo do??? Like, I'm genuinely confused why you seem to have such vitriol for this child. What has this child done????? She was bullied, fought back against the bully, was punished despite no punishment happening to the bully, and still apologized for attacking the bully with no adult prompting. She fought with her sister and is having an understandably difficult time processing the loss of her parents and her sister's new role as a parental figure to her. Like.... what has this child done that requires comeuppance????

"Things should then get bad in the plot from here. As is commonly said, acknowledging the problem is only the first step to fixing it. Lilo and Nani are left in pretty much a broken home, where Nani has no idea what to do, Lilo has destroyed Nani’s life, and yet Lilo doesn’t want to accept that the problem was of her own doing (if she did accept it, she wouldn’t have tried to act like it wasn’t a part of her - she wouldn’t have symbolically removed Stitch)." Now you're just contradicting yourself. Does "reality of what’s happened [...] sink in for Lilo" or does it not sink in and she "[tries] to act like it wasn’t a part of her"???

"Stitch is up in space or whatever, being brought back to the research lab or something. There, however, he learns of something terrible that’s going to happen to Nani and Lilo, and all the people that put up with his nonsense for so long back down on Earth. What exactly this terrible thing that’s going to happen is doesn’t matter - what matters is the theme, the moral being shown. Stitch tries to ignore it, because “hey, it’s not my problem,” but can’t shake the guilt that begins to eat at him… and at the last second, Stitch changes his mind, makes the RIGHT decision, and arrives to rescue Lilo and Nani in the nick of time." Why should he? You literally said he shouldn't be a sympathetic character. And you've been arguing that other people shouldn't have to clean up your mess. So why is Stitch now supposed to do the right thing? Why is he supposed to clean up the mess Lilo made? Again, you're contradicting yourself.

"This would be the first GOOD thing that Stitch has ever done, something entirely selfless for the benefit of another person. Think of how much stronger a message that would be, then, when after the day is saved, Stitch is welcomed back into the family, and things are finally starting to look up for the three of them. It would be a story of personal growth, of how to face your own demons and how to treat your loved ones with the respect they honestly deserve, how to show gratitude when somebody makes a sacrifice for you!" Okay, so this one is where things get personal for me. I'm going to try and not let my emotions get the better of me because I recognize this is a sore spot and could lead me to taking things out that don't belong here. I apologize in advance if I don't keep it all contained. Alright. *deep breath* In my opinion, this is an infinitely more dangerous message to give kids than "Family means nobody gets left behind" especially when the family depicted in Lilo and Stitch ends up including people not related by blood. Nobody getting left behind isn't supposed to mean your family cleans up your messes for you. It means that even when times are tough you know someone will be there for you, even if that being there for you means calling you out on your bullshit. This is the kind of message that finally got through my thick (at the time) twenty-two-year-old skull that love doesn't need to be earned, that the friends who would be there for me emotionally cared more about me that the mother who fed, clothed, and emotionally abused me ever did. Now let's take a look at what might have happened if I had gotten more messages like what you propose here throughout my life. Messages that I should show gratitude for all the sacrifices made for me. I may never have stood up to my mom in that case. Sure, she made me feel worthless if I didn't do what she wanted. But I should have done that stuff anyways to show her gratitude, right? She married a man she didn't love so that I could have my dad in my life, and all she wanted in return was for me to be her dumping grounds for all the vitriol she held against the dad I loved. She let herself be completely financially dependent upon him so she could be a stay at home mom and homeschool be so I wouldn't be indoctrinated by public schools or bullied like she was, and all I had to do in return was follow her religion unquestioningly and (by the time I was finishing up highschool) teach, do, and grade all my schoolwork myself so that she wasn't so tired at the end of the day. She drove me to after school activities a few times a week, and all she asked in return was that I listen meekly to her bitch about what a burden it was for her to take this time out of her day to drive me around when I was too young to have a license. While I do think your ideas are well intentioned, I also have to say that if the "improved" Lilo and Stitch that you suggest is what I grew up with, I would have had an even harder time convincing myself that I didn't owe my mom my entire soul for all the sacrifices she made for me.

"But instead, we get “you should love and take care of your family no matter how they abuse you and take you for granted.” What a HORRIBLE message!" I can agree with you that this is indeed a horrible message. What I can't agree with is that this is the message conveyed by Lilo and Stitch.

Alright, I'm not going to touch on the bit about the other person's post because i read that post myself and it talks about a lot of historical context that I'm not familiar enough with to feel qualified to comment on. And I'm not going to touch on the parts that have since been redacted because I wouldn't personally find that fair to do. The last bit I'll mention is this quote here: "I’m still not a fan of the movie myself, for all the reasons I mentioned above. I don’t think it’s a helpful message to teach kids - even as young as Lilo - that they don’t need to take responsibility for what they say or do, or that it’s all right to lash out as long as you’ve got a reason for being hurt and upset." Your opinions are your own and if I were to try and say they're objectively right or wrong I'd be making a pointless endeavor trying to give objective value to a subjective thought. I will say I fully disagree with your thoughts, as this ramble-rant of an essay has shown, but I can at least appreciate that you probably put just as much time and effort into your original analysis and I have into giving my thoughts on it.

Would you mind sharing a quick summary of why you don't think Lilo and Stitch is a good movie? I didn't get to see the stream and I'm quite curious as I haven't met a person who didn't think Lilo and Stitch was a fantastic movie.

Sure thing, I’ll try to be brief!

So let’s take a look at Lilo and Stitch’s setup. It’s actually a great premise - a kid who thinks the world is set against her, an older sister who’s at her wit’s end trying to care for the kid completely on her own…This scenario happens a lot in real life, where the kid feels as though nothing is in her favor and life itself is unfair. Her ideals aren’t matching up with reality.

The kid and her sister - Lilo and Nani - have a REALLY bad fight, and Lilo shuts herself in her room in a tantrum. Later, Nani finds Lilo wishing for an “angel” to come and save her from this horrible situation she’s in.

Now, here’s where the movie starts to do what it shouldn’t do. Let’s take a look at Lilo.

Lilo isn’t just the bullied weird kid. She’s a brat. Her first instinct when somebody says something she doesn’t like is to get violent… and it may seem funny on the screen, but this sort of behavior is NOT funny in real life; and if you think it is, there is a real problem there. Lilo is horrendously ungrateful for everything Nani sacrifices for her, and gets bitter and spiteful when she’s called on it, so much so that the child throws a tantrum. Poor Nani is left STILL trying to pick up the slack, STILL trying to fix things in Lilo’s destructive wake, and Lilo honestly doesn’t care.

Lilo is of the mindset that it’s Nani’s job to clean up after her messes, and takes that entirely for granted. And the message of the movie, “family means nobody gets left behind,” underscores this and even says that it IS the family’s job to fix its members’ messes… without holding that family member responsible or accountable.

The natural result of that message is a wonderfully horrific movie called The Godfather. I highly recommend it if you haven’t actually ever watched it; it is not a fun movie but it is very eye-opening.

So when Lilo wishes for somebody to arrive to fix all her problems again, somebody who’d reinforce the behaviors that she likes, regardless of how bad those behaviors are for everyone around her… well, she gets what she asked for. She gets Stitch.

Now, Stitch is a monster. Stitch is - and SHOULD be - the physical manifestation of Lilo’s bitterness, self-indulgence, and tendency to lash out at anything that’s set against her. Of COURSE she’d like this little beast. And the movie portrays him as a little beast! …sort of. He should be even more of a monster than the movie claims. It is not Stitch’s narrative role, in this kind of story, to be sympathetic. He needs to be the ultimate result of allowing your kid to become a little monster. Nani continues to indulge Lilo when she should be putting her foot down, and the result is that the household invites in the worst kind of monster there is - one that everyone in the house created together.

Where the story SHOULD go from here is that Lilo and Stitch have a grand old time together, wreaking further havoc on Nani’s life (and the lives of everyone around them)… until finally that havoc actually affects Lilo’s life, and she cannot avoid the repercussions. Her indulgence in allowing this little monster to destroy everything has brought things to a very, very bad place.

Lilo should try to confront Stitch, and Stitch should not care in the slightest, echoing how Lilo responded to when Nani finally tried to confront her… and now the reality of what’s happened should sink in for Lilo, so her only remaining option would be to abandon Stitch, to get rid of the monster. Only at this point would Stitch also start to realize that he’s done this to himself.

Things should then get bad in the plot from here. As is commonly said, acknowledging the problem is only the first step to fixing it. Lilo and Nani are left in pretty much a broken home, where Nani has no idea what to do, Lilo has destroyed Nani’s life, and yet Lilo doesn’t want to accept that the problem was of her own doing (if she did accept it, she wouldn’t have tried to act like it wasn’t a part of her - she wouldn’t have symbolically removed Stitch).

Stitch is up in space or whatever, being brought back to the research lab or something. There, however, he learns of something terrible that’s going to happen to Nani and Lilo, and all the people that put up with his nonsense for so long back down on Earth. What exactly this terrible thing that’s going to happen is doesn’t matter - what matters is the theme, the moral being shown. Stitch tries to ignore it, because “hey, it’s not my problem,” but can’t shake the guilt that begins to eat at him… and at the last second, Stitch changes his mind, makes the RIGHT decision, and arrives to rescue Lilo and Nani in the nick of time.

This would be the first GOOD thing that Stitch has ever done, something entirely selfless for the benefit of another person. Think of how much stronger a message that would be, then, when after the day is saved, Stitch is welcomed back into the family, and things are finally starting to look up for the three of them. It would be a story of personal growth, of how to face your own demons and how to treat your loved ones with the respect they honestly deserve, how to show gratitude when somebody makes a sacrifice for you!

But instead, we get “you should love and take care of your family no matter how they abuse you and take you for granted.” What a HORRIBLE message!

Now, the spiel from my recent stream actually went on from here, and @kaleidraws would be able to speak more knowledgeably about it, but basically the way she put it is: from the depiction of Hawaiian culture in the film, “the person/people who made the movie clearly had no first-hand experience in the era they were depicting, and instead were projecting what they thought it was like based on their own biases and intended messages.” Hawaiian culture from Lilo & Stitch’s time period was, in reality, very much opposite to the way Lilo & Stitch glamorized it… but you won’t hear people talking about that.

At any rate, it’s no wonder people like this movie - it’s so incredibly indulgent and reinforces the notion that a person doesn’t need to be responsible for themself, because somebody else will fix every problem they ever have… what a blissfully irresponsible message.

Watch out for people who get offended at this sort of critique, and who react highly negatively when somebody insults something they like - it often means they’ve attached too much of their identity to that thing, and feel personally called out when somebody points out that it’s a bad message!

^ I shouldn’t have said this.

The point of this response should have been to explain my perspective and opinion on a movie, not to make a qualitative judgement of people who like the film, and it was presumptuous of me to do that. There’s a lot about the film to like - the music is wonderful, the animation is lovely, and there’s a whole slew of other reasons to admire it. Everyone has things from their childhood that they’re fond of, which left a lasting impact on them. Of course people are gonna go “whoa, wait a second” when somebody basically insults it and them for liking that thing.

It was really uncool of me, and I’m sorry.

I’m still not a fan of the movie myself, for all the reasons I mentioned above. I don’t think it’s a helpful message to teach kids - even as young as Lilo - that they don’t need to take responsibility for what they say or do, or that it’s all right to lash out as long as you’ve got a reason for being hurt and upset. But I shouldn’t have insulted people over it, and again, while it wasn’t my intention, that’s exactly what I did.

I’m gonna keep this in mind for the future - it’s foolish to fall back on insults when what I really care about is sharing my passion for storytelling and analysis thereof. Thank you guys for your patience and understanding - I won’t make the same mistake again.

(Side note: @kaleidraws did a wonderful bit of analysis on the Hawaiian culture side of things here.)

#lilo and stitch #rant #rant essay #child abuse #emotional abuse #I really went off on this one #because a lot of it hit close to home for me #not just because that movie was my childhood tho

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myaekingheart · 6 years ago

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INCREDIBLES 2 SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Okay but listen, one of the coolest things about sitting down for The Incredibles 2 was how much female power and not only power but this balance between that and family that I felt from the entire experience? Like not just the movie but the Pixar short beforehand, too.

Bao focuses on a woman coping with her empty nest and shows her being this great mother to a little dumpling she made that is symbolic of her son. It was the first Pixar short directed by a woman and I feel like you can tell the difference between this and ones directed by men just because there’s this particular delicacy, specificity, and raw emotion to it that I think set it apart from other Pixar shorts. You can see the tender care they put into making this both universally and culturally relatable and that’s just great.

And then The Incredibles 2 is so female focused it’s great. Like at the end of the day it’s about teamwork like the first one but it’s so nice to see the women in this film really branch out and get more screen time. Helen’s arc is awesome and so relatable to all working moms, truthfully. She gets so excited about her work and you can see how happy she is but she’s also 110% ready to drop everything for the sake of her family. She’s also got this agency, though, too, and I feel like she’s a more well-rounded character in this one whereas in the first she was predominantly a wife and mother. In this one, she’s still both of those things of course but we get to see her as an actual person outside of that, as well. We learn she used to have a motorcycle and a mohawk and we really get to see even more of her intelligence as she works to figure out the Screenslaver debacle. And then there’s Violet was honestly absolute perfection in this movie. She really blossomed as a character (no pun intended) and we get to see so much personality from her now. Not that she didn’t have personality in the first one because she did but she was very closed off and trying to find herself and her confidence and whatnot. In the sequel, it’s very clear she’s found her voice and her confidence and she’s this strong-willed yet socially awkward character with a short fuse and such intelligence (especially mechanical intelligence? Like first with programming the rocket in the first one, and now in this one it’s about manually turning a large boat). Her subplot with Tony is honestly so incredible, like it’s a little heartbreaking but I love how we see Violet express this wide range of emotion and experience these things everyone who is or has been a teenage girl can relate to. Like coming downstairs invisible to grab the entire tub of ice cream and a giant spoon while crying because your boyfriend stood you up? And having your parents and siblings embarrass you in front of him? Classic teenage stuff. The way all of this tied into the superhero element, though, I think really drove her arc home for me. It connects so nicely to her arc in the first movie, and something Helen says about “Their kids, they haven’t made that choice yet” in regards to Bob encouraging Helen to go through with the superhero advocacy so their kids can have the choice to be supers legally. But in the first movie, you know, she’s this cynical, closed off, emo teenager who resents what makes her different and just wants to be normal, but through the course of the film discovers that what makes her different is her biggest strength and that that is what she’s meant to be, a superhero. In the beginning of the sequel, it starts off with her seemingly having shit together like she gets the date with the boy she likes and her and her family get a chance to fight crime but not without a price. Now she has to try and find a balance between her superhero self and her personal life all while her mother fights to make superheroism legal in the first place. It’s a really tricky situation only further complicated by the fact that Dicker erased Tony’s memory like he did Kari’s but to the point where Tony doesn’t even remember Violet at all. It’s heartbreaking seeing her approach this boy she really likes and thought she finally had won a chance with only for him to be like “Do I know you...?” And then when she finds out it’s all Dicker’s fault, and she decides that superheroes suck and she renounces them completely, trying to destroy her own supersuit. It’s only when her family is in grave trouble that she steps up, puts the supersuit back on, and says “I’m renouncing my renunciation.” And even the family aspect of Vi’s arc is great, too, because not only is she trying to deal with her boy troubles but she’s basically the second in command of the house with Helen gone. When Bob snaps, she gracefully steps in and calls Lucius for backup. She empathizes with her father and there’s this really cute scene with them where he opens up to her about how sorry he is about what happened with Tony, that he didn’t consider how she’d suffer the consequences when he told Dicker to take care of things, and how he just wants to be a good dad to his kids. Violet lets him sleep in (17 hours, mind you-- which reminds me, 17 seems to be a recurring number here since they also mentioned Jack Jack had 17 powers. I wonder what’s up with that?) and makes him breakfast and when her parents are incapacitated, so to speak, she steps up and takes charge of Dash and Jack Jack (though obviously they’ve got some agency and leadership here, too, but Violet was the main source of leadership here). It was so great seeing Violet fight, as well, because she definitely stepped up her game. She wants to fight. She wants to be a superhero and when Helen expresses at the beginning of the movie how she didn’t think that was a good idea because supers are still illegal, she’s kind of bothered by this because “I just thought it was cool fighting crime with you guys.” She’s sharp as a tack and picks up on her parents leaving the motel in their supersuits, what Helen’s new job entails, and when Bob leaves in his own supersuit for the boat at DevTech. She’s a great superhero, a great sister, and just overall a great character and I loved how things ended with her: she both gets the guy and gets to be a hero, this time legally. And then there’s Edna who quite frankly shined in this film. She is as great as she was in the first one but this time, she’s got an amazing character interaction with Jack Jack. The bond those two create in the film is honestly incredible, Jack Jack is such a sassy little nugget and Edna LOVES HIM for it, and because he is probably the most intriguing superhero case she’s even seen. I mean, the kid’s got 17 powers. He is literally a jack of all trades. Can you imagine how hard it must be to design a supersuit that withstands the effects of 17 different super powers??? Also she called herself Aunty Edna and her door is shaped like an E and I think both of those are freaking wonderful. Perhaps one of the most intriguing aspects of this movie, though, is the villain. I think the idea of DevTech being behind Screenslaver was, quite frankly, a little too predictable but it was the way DevTech was behind Screenslaver that made the reveal so much better. I’m not going to lie, I went into this incredibly nervous because of speculation I had seen and read online about Screenslaver and people being highly convinced it was Winston Deavor under that mask. And to be honest, I think they wanted you to think that. The way they present Winston in the trailers and with how little information Bob Odenkirk gave on his character at the Q+A made you think it had to be him. I even saw a video where someone took a full-body image of Screenslaver and matched it up with a full-body image of Winston to try and prove that their bodies were exactly the same and therefore it had to be Winston underneath that mask. However, when Helen unmasks Screenslaver only to find it’s some random pizza delivery kid??? I was shook, to be honest. The reveal that Evelyn was behind everything on her own was truthfully mind-blowing to me. I got a strange feeling from Evelyn right from the start, right when her and Winston almost started an argument about whether their parents should’ve called on the superheros or hide in the safe room. Honestly, though, I didn’t think much of it except for assuming after that that Winston could potentially have a short fuse/violent tendencies that could allude to him being the villain. Evelyn was such a complex character, though, and I was so happy she ended up being the villain. In the midst of all the “Winston is Screenslaver” talk, in the back of my mind all I could think was “Screw you, I hope Evelyn is Screenslaver” even though my logical side knew that that probably wasn’t possible because, like in that video, Evelyn and Screenslaver did not have the same body type/shape. The thought of Evelyn being behind Screenslaver, however, and using technology and hypnosis and whatnot was incredibly interesting to me. She’s clearly a highly intelligent woman and it’s clear she holds some resentment towards her brother, as well, and even men in general which I thought was an interesting twist (since she and Helen definitely have a 100% feminist conversation at one point in the film about men overshadowing women and women getting the spotlight). I kind of liked how they matched Elastigirl with a female villain, though, because if Winston had been behind the whole thing and it was woman against man it would probably feel a little too political in today’s climate (not that the movie doesn’t have political undertones in the first place because it does, ie the legality of superheroes, gender roles [though Brad Bird said this was not an intentional social commentary, he literally just thought about Bob as a stay-at-home dad with a superpowered baby and thought “God, that’ll mess Bob up”], technology, and even body cameras). I think it was interesting to see, though, because it felt equally matched. Like a way of saying “Women are just as capable of being super heroic as they are capable of being super villainous.” Like we had these two highly intelligent women with a lot of agency and their own moral compasses (and based around family, no less) fighting against each other for what they believed was right and it was honestly great. And I liked how Evelyn kept all of this to herself, too. She played this charade and her brother had absolutely no idea. He literally jumped out of a plane because of his sister and what she had done against his cause. I went through the entire movie thinking his incredible admiration for superheroes had to be some kind of ploy, some kind of facade to cover up what he was really doing, only to find out that he really was just as innocently fanatic and naive as he came off to be. He truly loves superheroes and truly wants them to be legalized. And the new superheroes we meet are great, too. Voyd is wonderful, though I kind of wanted a little more on her and the others even if she was just a side character. I felt like she was marketed like she was going to play a bigger role in the movie but then didn’t get as much screen time as I expected her to. I still thought she was great, though, and I loved how radical she was about Elastigirl, too. It really hits the point home of how there are absolutely other superheroes out there who have been forced underground, as well, and how big Elastigirl was in the golden days to really have so much influence over Voyd, to be this role model for her in a world where people like her are not totally accepted. I don’t know, I’m rambling but damn, it was just so refreshing and exciting to see so many female characters with such a wide range of characterization and personality and agency. It was just wonderful and I loved every second of it.

#the incredibles #the incredibles 2 #the incredibles 2 spoilers #disney #pixar #ramblings

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greyias · 7 years ago

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Sorry for the delay on these, Nonnies. I’ve been so far down this rabbit hole I fell into, I’m pretty sure I need a change of address form.

(Somewhat spoilery anon asks and answers under the cut)

Hey Nonny! (Or is it Nonnies?) I understand your fear. I kind of had a bit of a panic moment going “What the fuck, Lana?”, as at least on my playthroughs, the level of anger and aggression here was out of left field. But after a few minutes, I started to get suspicious, as I always seem to do. Something about this letter just seems off to me.

I had a much long post about this written up (as indicated by the timestamps), but honestly, it seems to be a landmine at the moment (so if a tiny bit of salt peeks through in some of my commentary, please know that it’s definitely not directed at you Nonny, just some things that kept popping up on my dash last week that irked me), and I’m finding the Uprising stuff, as well as Indo and Zildrog’s codex entries and lore to be far, far more interesting (and probably having a much a greater impact on the next story drop than this.)

So, a quick summary of what went through my head:

Scenario 1:

Lana’s with us on Team Oblivious. She was inexplicably given two different reactions in Umbara (”sorry bro, but we ought to catch Theron” or “RAWR TR8R LANA SMASH”), and then suddenly they realized that didn’t play well into their final act so they forgot a double carriage return and added the last paragraph to make things SUPER CLEAR to the audience, sweating the entire time going “Ahahaha, nothing suspicious here”.

This doesn’t sit well with me. If this is true, then it means that Lana has suddenly lost one of her defining character traits, a quest for the truth and to question things that don’t fit as part of a ham-fisted attempt by the writers to give her an unneeded emotional arc rather than one that progresses naturally with the storyline. It certainly seems to be the straightforward and obvious answer. But then I asked myself, the rest of this storyline is not straightforward and laid out plainly, why would this be here? Why didn’t Lana just go into full-on Sith mode regardless of our choices in Umbara? What’s the purpose of this suddenly being put int here now? I’m suspecting this is a red herring, and it’s been placed here to intentionally distract you from something else. But why would they need to distract us, both in-character, as well as out-of-character?

Well, you see, they finally dropped the big clue we accidentally deciphered all the way back in August. That the mysterious “Order” is the “Order of Zildrog”. And, as much as I love Lana, that is far, far more interesting (not to mention much better writing) than a needless Virmire-style choice between her and Theron, and the Alliance suddenly shattering to pieces because the mean, mean old spyboy violated all of our trust because he forgot how to use his big boy words.

Thank you, Tyth. Have a rage!cookie. And turn off caps lock.

That’s before even bringing in logistical things like the heavy handed hints that we’re getting a major storyline next year (possibly an expansion), the fact that breaking up the Alliance and going back to a two-party scenario would split their resources between two storylines rather than one with minor divergences, and the fact that Lana and Theron are both extremely popular characters, and removing them from future story content would very likely negatively impact their subscriber base.

So no, I don’t think we’re going to have to choose between Theron and Lana and lose one of them (and in that fashion, lose them both as major characters from here on out). It doesn’t make much sense.

That said, if this is the route they were going, the only way that it would, for me personally, ring true and make me not annoyed as hell is if it led to Lana and Theron finally having a Big Kid™ discussion where they both state plainly “Hey remember that time you got me brutally tortured? I didn’t like that and would like an apology?” and the other goes “Remember that time you tazed me before blowing up a fucking train? That really sucked!” and they’re both forced to awkwardly hug it out because the Outlander secretly loves group hugs. And then they go off to fight the big bad because the BroTP aren’t stupid.

And trust me, this big bad isn’t going to be neatly wrapped up in the next story drop. There’s no time for Lana to indulge in out-of-character and over-the-top Sith torture/murder shenanigans.

Scenario 2:

Lana’s on Team Undercover. This makes far more sense with her character. Because, all of the other weird bits aside (her and Theron’s strangely voiced, almost coded conversation at the beginning of Umbara, her weird delivery after we leap off the train, that weird ass nod at the beginning of Copero), Lana should be able to put the clues together to figure out that he is undercover. How would she not question the fact that the shot she intercepted for you was a stun blast and not a killing blow? How could she not question that there were just enough crystals left for the Alliance to grab and drive off the opposing faction from Iokath? How does she not realize that this is a complete 180 on Theron’s established characterization, considering the fact that she’s known him just about as long as the Outlander, and was roomies with him for nearly a year when they were on the lam back during Shadow of Revan? Like, seriously, questioning things is what Lana does. We meet her in Forged Alliances and she’s questioning the timing of the ops, she questions her boss who she had trust in. Lana puts aside her personal feelings to find the truth. After the Empire ceded to Arcann, I don’t have the reference in front of me where I found it, but I had in my notes for something I was working on that she was suspicious of the tributes to Zakuul, because they were excessively excessive, and that investigation led down a bunny trail that eventually led to the Outlander in carbonite.

And then, well...

And let’s not forget the fact that both Lana and Theron are intercepting and spying on each other’s messages all throughout KotFE.

I mean, come on you two, I know there’s some hard feelings after Rishi and Ziost (and Theron especially can hold a grudge for a ridiculously long amount of time), but this is excessive.

So, no, at least for me, Lana suddenly trusting Theron completely to the point where she’s as blindsided as us just doesn’t strike me as consistent writing for her character. You can headcanon this anyway you see fit, but there’s very little on-screen evidence for her to genuinely be as all over the place as she’s been, without there being an ulterior reason, or the writers just saying “fuck it” and doing whatever they want because “lol wut’s characterizaton”.

So then the question becomes, if Lana is on this plan, why would she insert that weird ass paragraph in an unrelated note about the progress on reassembling that map. Gosh, that’s weird.

Either Lana wrote it intentionally to try and keep you focused on Theron the Red Herring if you’re suddenly questioning the validity of his cover identity in front of, say, a Chiss Ascendency liaison agent who hasn’t been fully vetted for 7/8 of the Class Characters. And also cecause there’s still someone (or someones) on Odessen who has infiltrated and reporting back to their higher-ups. Listening in to your conversations when you don’t realize.

Or maybe she’s just afraid my Outlander’s dumb butt will blow his cover in the middle of a Snake Cult meeting by making another HoloNet address to the galaxy telling Theron how much she loves and appreciates him going undercover to save everyone from the Apocalyptic Death Cult, but if he comes home right now she’ll give him two fleets of warships for the price of one? And Bioware realized this and all of the rest of you have to suffer on my behalf.

#damnitgrey #OfficialHighwindApologyPackage

Scenario 3:

Or, you know... perhaps the mail on Odessen isn’t very secure. Thank you Minister of Paranoia and Secret Agent Suspicious for intentionally building in a backdoor to spy on people for “the good of the Alliance”.

This isn’t even counting all of the pieces of mail you get from these guys on them intercepting communications to Kaliyo, and other members of the Alliance. Like, I love my advisors to death, but if you design an e-mail system with security holes to spy on everyone, it’s not unheard of for a nefarious third party that’s really, really good at slicing to use that against you. And it’s not like Theron has ever been overconfident in his skillset to the detriment of something overall (please note the sarcasm), and when the Alliance’s best slicer and one of the architect’s of this insecure system has gone off to play spy, that could be open for further manipulation. Specifically from a third party whose entire modus operandi has been to get everyone in the entire galaxy fighting each other. Keep you fighting either Lana, or focused on fighting Theron and ignoring them. Either way, focused on everything but their larger goal.

So, in the game’s context, it’s not completely unheard of for a communication on the Alliance’s HoloNet to be intercepted and altered before being delivered to its final recipient.

If we remove ourselves from the story perspective however, this probably won’t be the case, as it’s very, very rare for mail items to directly impact future cutscenes. (Conversely, that also works for Lana being on Team Oblivious). So, all in all, Lana’s letter? Interesting food for thought, but one that, once again, distracts from a much larger question. In my opinion, this letter is another red herring.

So I ask: Why are they so insistent on getting us hyperfocused on Lana and Theron to the detriment of everything else? What’s really going on here? And who’s behind all of this?

For that answer, we need to look at the Uprisings, and back at the Heralds of Zildrog, as well as Iokath. Because you guys will be surprised what answers you’ll find there, as well as tucked away in the codex entries.

#anonymous #sorry it's delayed nonny #this was going to be much longer #but i'm so far down the rabbit hole on this other trail #there's no coming back

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eyanril · 7 years ago

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Movie Round-Up 2017

My opinions only, of course! :)

Best of 2017:

Logan - This movie is magnificent from the opening to the end credits, and if you haven’t seen it, go out and rectify that RIGHT NOW. Hugh Jackman brings an utterly heartbreaking vulnerability to an aging Wolverine. Patrick Stewart as Charles Xavier and newcomer Dafne Keen as X-23 keep pace easily with Jackman’s fantastic performance. The story is amazing, the acting is phenomenal, the special effects and fight choreography are stunning. Seriously, just sit down and watch it already, even you are not a fan of the X-Men franchise. You won’t regret it.

Thor: Ragnarok - A delightful romp that, although it doesn’t hold up particularly well on its own, lightens up the Marvel Cinematic Universe almost as easily as a Guardians film. And despite its overall silly tone, it does a good job wrapping up the Asgardian story line and delivers some actual consequences that will reverberate in later films.

Wind River - Stunning cinematography and superb writing elevate this fairly by-the-book murder mystery above its brethren. Jeremy Renner and Elizabeth Olson (as well as the supporting cast) are fantastic, and their performances alone make it worth watching.

Get Out - As much biting social commentary as it is thrilling horror movie, this was by far the biggest surprise of 2017 for me. Everything about Get Out was meticulously crafted, and it deserves every bit of praise it got. I can’t wait to see what else Jordan Peele has up his sleeve.

Tie: Guardians of the Galaxy 2 and Spider-Man:Homecoming - Both manage to balance the humor and the gravity of their plots fairly well, giving us plenty of funny interspersed with character growth. I have to give a slight edge to Spider-Man because of Tom Holland’s adorkable performance as Peter Parker, but I enjoyed them both a lot.

Most Disappointing of 2017:

Ghost in the Shell - Damn, I wanted to love this, but even Scarlett Johansson wasn’t enough to make this live action adaptation of the beloved anime work. (In fact a lot of people seemed to think she was part of the problem. I disagree). It’s gorgeous, and it’s well acted, but at the end of the day it just felt flat and forgettable.

Alien: Covenant - Not sure what I expected, considering the let down that was 2012’s Prometheus. A far cry from the quality of the original Alien and Aliens, it has all the shine but none of the substance that would be a good modern addition to the franchise. It goes in a direction that makes little sense, and made less of an impression on me than even the much derided Alien:Resurrection.

The Dark Tower - Ugh. It took me months to read Stephen King’s epic fantasy/horror series in its entirety, and all my hopes and dreams for a good adaptation of the source material were dashed very quickly during The Dark Tower. Not only was it a bad adaptation, it was a bad movie in general. I only hope that someday down the road someone can do the saga justice, even if it’s as a TV show or miniseries, because at this point anything would be better than this movie.

Kong: Skull Island - Another one I had high hopes for, another one that let me down. Tom Hiddleston and Brie Larson were given nothing interesting to do in a movie with a bloated run-time and little plot, which is a shame because they are both fantastic actors. Utterly forgettable.

Beauty & the Beast - Why, Disney? Why do you have to keep making these mediocre live action adaptations of your already excellent animated films? I don’t know exactly what I expected with this one, other than more of what made the original good. Instead we got a charmless scene for scene rehash, with lukewarm chemistry and tepid song and dance numbers that don’t hold a candle to that of the original.

Surprises of 2017:

The Lego: Batman Movie - Having enjoyed 2014’s The Lego Movie on a very basic level, I wasn’t expecting to like this as much as I did. Genuinely funny and heartwarming, it was a better Batman movie than Batman V. Superman and a better DCU movie than Justice League.

Star Wars: The Last Jedi - Hear me out on this one. Going into The Force Awakens in 2015, I had seen only A New Hope and The Phantom Menace in their entirety, so I had no idea what to expect of this new iteration. As it turned out, I was largely indifferent to The Force Awakens. Color me shocked when I walked out of The Last Jedi very excited for Episode IX. Was The Last Jedi flawed? Absolutely - and yet, due to a few very crucial elements (mainly any part involving Rey or Kylo Ren), I wouldn’t call it unsalvageable. In fact, it’s one of the few movies I’d ever consider going to see in the theaters twice, just so I can have more of the good stuff.

IT - I may have spent half the movie covering my eyes, but as far as horror movies go, that’s high praise coming from me. While IT has a few issues, overall I found this modern adaptation of Stephen King’s classic novel to be thrilling, terrifying, and terribly beautiful.

Power Rangers - Having grown up with a cousin who spent a good chunk of time obsessed with the original Mighty Morphin version, I watched this mostly for nostalgia. While it takes itself way too seriously for the most part, Elizabeth Banks’ campy turn as Rita Repulsa elevates the quality whenever she’s hamming it up onscreen. Overall I enjoyed it, which was not something I expected for a movie rebooting a very bad 90s kids’ show.

Colossal - Based on the trailer, you’d think Colossal was a comedy - and you’d be completely wrong. Hiding a slightly disturbing redemption story behind a funny facade, this one came out of left field, but managed to leave a good impression.

Movies of 2017 that I wish I had seen:

Lady Bird - From all accounts, it’s brilliant, and I’m just upset that no theater within a reasonable driving distance is playing it. Saoirse Ronan is an amazing young actress and I’ve always enjoyed anything I’ve seen her in.

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri - See above, ha. As we both consider In Bruges to be one of the best movies ever made, my husband and I are eager to see it.

Baby Driver - For some reason my husband and I completely missed this in the theaters and we’re now regretting it, considering the amount of praise it has gotten. Edgar Wright’s movies are always fantastically shot, and I’m sure this is no different.

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cursewoodrecap · 4 years ago

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Session 14: Nice Sociable Folk

Everyone is very nice to us, except one grumpy guy.

This one fought me, folks. And Quarantine Depression didn’t really help. So it’s a bit less pared-down than it could be. But speaking of people who should probably be quarantined, have some virulent fungus.

We return to the scene: Valeria has just unceremoniously yanked a mandrake root out of the ground, and it’s doing what mandrakes do, screaming at the top of its lungs (...do plants have lungs???) and raising hell. Which is not GREAT if you’re in the middle of the Spooky Woods Where Monsters Live.

We’re reckless idiots, but that’s on brand.

Shoshana rolls a Nature check to know it’ll stop screaming on its own eventually, and that getting it into our Haversack will stop or dull the noise. Otherwise, the recommended mandrake-harvesting technique is that extreme heat or cold will stun its screaming. Usually people harvest them with daggers heated over a flame.

Problem: Shoshana is only one who knows this, Clem and Val are stunned, and it’s LOUD, so it’s hard to talk. So it’s up to the sorcerer to handle it. She doesn’t want to burn the dang thing to a crisp and make it useless as a spell component, so blasting it with magic is right out. She snatches a torch out of Clem’s backpack and lights it, heating up her small dagger.

Clem fails to shake off the stun, but Valeria recovers. Gral throws an inspiration at Clem, who’s still stuck, and frantically glances around the area to see if the BIG LOUD NOISE has alerted any enemies. In fact, it very much has. A variety of heavy shapes are uprooting themselves out of the dirt, turning blank mossy faces towards us.

Shosha tries to hurry up on silencing the mandrake, but her haste causes her to fumble it. At least she doesn’t damage the plant.

Gral, still watching, sees the grassy, lumpy creatures pick up rocks and start hurling them. Shoshana gets bonked. A rock bounces off Valeria’s armor. Gral’s looking at those ones, when another one hefts out of the ground behind him and conks him with a big ol’ stone.

“Ah,” Valeria observes. “Yeetroots.”

Clem, even with inspiration, still fails to unstun herself, clutching her hands to her sensitive elven ears.

Gral swings his sickle into a yeetroot’s rooty, tuberous body, a thick sap dripping from the gaping wound. Meanwhile, Shoshana takes a second stab with her hot dagger and manages to silence the awful screaming.

The one Gral bloodied picks him up entirely and yeets him at Clem. Gral bounces off the drow’s armor comically. Clem remains completely undamaged while Gral pouts at being unwillingly Fastball Specialed. Valeria and Shoshana scatter, dodging another volley of heavy rocks.

Taking an entire orc to the face, though, finally breaks Clem out of the stun. She’s ready to lumberjack down some trees - oh, wait, Gral’s lying there moaning. The battle medic gives him a good slather of Space Mayo, and he’s fine, though he probably smells like a sandwich.

Gral and Shoshana pop off a couple of spells for minor effect, the tuberous creatures shrugging off most of the effects. They’re bothered enough to retaliate, though; the one Valeria’s facing off against hefts her into the air for another round of PC Bowling, flattening Shoshana. The hail of rocks from the rest of the Yeetroots doesn’t let up, but their aim is only mediocre.

Aethis snacks on a root-person Valeria nicely carves up for them, and as Clem gets to slicing and dicing it looks like the fight’s falling in our favor.

Suddenly, a short human guy in rough clothing charges ungracefully out of the woods, crossing through the undergrowth strangely quickly for someone so unathletic-looking. He clonks a Yeetroot over the head with a long wooden staff, whacking it a few times for good measure so it stays down, and then looks up at us with a frustrated expression. “What the hell are you kids doing? Get out of here!” he shouts irritably, like we’re trespassing on his lawn.

He’s got a bit of an accent. It’s much heavier than Shoshana’s; even by her small-town standards it’s the rural accent of someone who speaks Old Valdian regularly.

Gral Dissonant Whispers a Yeetroot, causing it to run past Clem and the Old Dude. It runs straight into Clem’s sword and dies. Shoshana, Valeria, and Aethis efficiently dismantle the last one standing.

Clem’s ears, still sore from the mandrake’s cry, pick up additional movement through the woods. Sounds like the Yeetroots weren’t the only ones interested in loud, clumsy prey.

The old man seems to know it too, and he starts to scold us. “Pulling a mandrake while the woods are like this? Dummkopfen! Now get outta here! Scram!”

“I’m sorry, we didn’t have a choice-“

“What are you doin’ yakkin’? MOVE!” he shouts, turning and dashing into the underbrush. Shoshana barely catches him muttering “those IDIOTS” in Old Valdian as he scrams.

Well, we’re definitely not gonna stick around either. Old Dude went northeast. The Sturmhearst camp is to the south. We’re all thinking this weird crotchety old man is a druid, so he’s gonna know the best way to go and also we could totally ask him a few burning questions. With a concise nod to each other, we dash after the druid, Valeria swinging herself up onto Aethis’ back.

The wooooooooods are aliiiiiiiive, with the sound of monsterrrrrs, but following the druid’s trail we manage to dodge down an old gully and manage to shake any of them who came to investigate the commotion. Unfortunately, we’ve just put all those monsters in between us and the Sturmhearst camp. We pause, crouched in creek bed, as the last walking tree’s footfalls fade into the distance.

Gral breaks the silence: “…wait, was that a druid?”

Shoshana grumps. “How are we gonna FIND him? He could be a SQUIRREL by now! And I’m surprised he even speaks city-folk Valdian.”

We got the sense of how he moved – he hasn’t left a footprint, but we’ve picked up his pattern a bit. We could keep following him, and Valeria suggests the quest will give time for the monsters attracted by our noise to disperse. Gral doesn’t want to pass up the opportunity to find out what the Druids know about the Prisoners, and Valeria’s hopeful he might have seen the other Order of the Rose knight about.

Shoshana beefs her Survival check. We’ve been doing well following his pattern of not disturbing plant or animal tracks, trying to think like a druid wood. But we hit a dead end.

And then Clem casually points out some tracks none of the rest of us can even make out.

Please. Clem Haxan has tracked wood elf partisans. One aging human is nothing.

We follow Clem’s lead for about an hour. As midday approaches, we notice the sense of vibrant, chaotic, suffocating life is fading a little, and the sickening-sweet scent of flowers and spores has lessened. We come upon a grove of trees, standing tall, centered around one utterly massive tree in the middle whose canopy is just barely open enough to allow beams of light to spear through. In every beam, a sapling has begun to grow. Others, a little more seasoned, have grown tall and thin to push up through the great tree’s canopy.

Deeper in the grove, Shoshana can hear a voice in Old Valdian, and it’s mostly swearing.

“Dumb fuckin’ kids, I swear, first it was those meshuggenah bird mask idiots, now we got - what the hell were those morons doing, stirring everything up? Hard enough when the woods are just tryin’ to kill ME without having to keep an eye our for-”

It seems to be a one-sided conversation. Rambling, but pausing for responses that we can’t hear. Shoshana cautiously steps closer.

She wants to be respectful, but the closest thing Old Valdian has to deferential is a greeting without commentary. “...Hello?”

The voice pauses, and then speaks to its silent companion. “Do ya hear something? Go check it out.”

We all roll real bad Perception. Gral is starin’ real hard, and he only sees a squirrel loop the big tree. We don’t hear the druid say anything else.

She tries a Message cantrip: “We wish to respect your solitude, but we need to speak with you.” Hopefully a decent Persuasion roll will do.

“Wait. Hold up,” the voice grumbles in Old Valdian, heaving a massive sigh. “They’re idiots, they’re not gonna-”

Something big makes a “GRAAHK” noise.

“No, they’re not gonna go away unless I talk to them. Look, they followed me here. I knew it was unavoidable.” He calls out to us in common Valdian. “All right, come on in, no funny business.”

Being seasoned D&D players, we’re hesitant to cross the giant patch of fallen leaves, but it turns out it’s not a booby trap; it’s just what happens when you’re under a big ol’ tree. They are pleasingly crunchy and probably serve as an excellent intruder warning.

The druid isn’t pleased with our caution. “Either leave or come over here! Let’s get this over with.”

We circle the tree to find a small hut in a sunbeam, with a little garden. The old guy, looking like a hippie Danny DeVito, is sitting outside on a fallen log, prodding a small campfire with a stick as he heats a kettle over it. More notably, there is an owlbear curled up next to the fire.

“I wouldn’t get too close, he likes eatin’ fingers,” the druid grumps. “That’s why he’s called Fingers.”

“Oh! This is Aethis, and I’m Kyr Va-”

“Yeah, yeah, get to the point.”

“Are you a druid?”

“Ah, right to the point.”

We manage to stumble over a quick introduction, and that we want to ask him about the Druids’ actions against the artist’s colony in Holzog.

“So all druids know each other, huh?” He starts peeling a potato, unimpressed.

"I don’t know how druids work! There was an organized attack against cultists of the Key, at an artist's colony at Holzog Valley. Do you know of this, and are the Druids in an organized resistance against the Prisoners?"

“Are druids an organized anything?” Shoshana snarks.

Druid DeVito rolls his eyes. “Look, mask guy. I go where I’m needed. I don’t know anything about what’s going on in Holzog. I barely know what’s going on here, I just got here!”

“You... just got here?”

“Yeah, like a month or two ago. Hard to get lay of the land when EVERYTHING’S TRYIN TA KILL YOU, not to mention it’s hard to get a handle on things when idiot adventurers are runnin’ around STIRRIN’ THINGS UP!”

Gral soldiers on. “Well, what do you know of the curse corrupting this area? We were here gathering supplies for a ritual, but it seems like there is also trouble here, what with the villagers and the trolls."

Gral is very polite, so the druid grudgingly answers. “Look, here’s how it goes. This” – he taps the tree – “is Mother Tree. It’s important, for reasons. There’s always supposed to be a druid warden here. But something happened. She’s gone now. So I heard it through the grapevine, and I got called in.”

“Was it a literal grapevine?”

“The old bag and the windy bastard have ways of getting in touch with us, if we’re needed. They told me I gotta go here and – well, so I came. I’m tryin’ to figure out what happened to old warden, figure out what I can do to keep the place safe. It’s a lotta work! But right now I’m trying to make lunch. Because lemme tell you, this owlbear is a lot calmer than most of his type, but he WILL eat me if he gets too hungry.”

“As far as what I know about it? Half the valley got taken. Everything west of the river got overgrown. Haven’t spent much time on the other side; I don’t wanna get spotted. You see what happens when somebody gets a look at me.” He gestures dismissively to all of us. “No good deed, and all that.”

“So half the valley got overgrown. My sources tell me the other half is honestly not doin’ much better, even though it looks better on the outside. Like I said, I’m still tryin’ to get my networks up and running, which is difficult when most of my sources are working for the enemy.”

“Yeah, the villagers have fungus brain,” Shoshana tells him. “Someone who came from this village seemed to be corrupted by fungus, and was working to encourage its spread. Also, they’re bringing in a Fuckton of Trolls to Bad Herzfeld. Which, if they get fungused, is...bad.”

Valeria, meanwhile, is attempting to feed the owlbear some granola. After a moment, she elects to just toss the bag in its direction. Handfeeding an owlbear is Not Wise.

“I’ll add that to my list of problems,” the old man grumbles. “Bunch of sporebrained trolls, sporebrained villagers, plants tryna kill me…all right. How many they got so far?”

“One troll was definitely fungused, but he’s dead. There’s about 8 at the troll moot now. Their food stores look spore-free so far, but we’re going to be looking into the village more.”

“Yeah, they wouldn’t want to be corruptin’ ‘em yet, it’d tip their hand too early. Trolls are usually solitary types. With how the sporebrains work, any new arrivals would be majorly creeped out. They’d want to get a critical mass before they try to get ‘em brainwashed.”

We agree that’s probably the plan. We explain the situation in Holzog, and ask what he knows about the druids’ actions there and whether the druids are the Prisoners’ jailers.

He shrugs. “Me and mine, we don’t talk to each other much. We each got our beats to cover. It’s not like they give us a manual – we’re not super fond of writing things down. Rumor is there’s old sources – real old – that have some knowledge, but otherwise you gotta get lucky and get a visit from the bosses themselves. But they’ve never been the most reliable.”

“The...bosses? Like Baba and Gramps?” Shoshana asks, referring to the old grandmother and grandfather gods of the woods.

“Yeah, they don’t exactly come when you ring a bell. Now I don’t know what old rattlechains, or the angry lady, or the quiet guy, or the sneaky bastard are like, but the chiefs aren’t communicative at the best of times. And since this fakakta Curse thing started they’ve been harder to get a hold of. We get our orders, they keep us busy, but there ain’t much in the way of answers. I’m told to guard this place, and do my thing. The ‘Prisoners,’ or whatever? That’s new to me.

“Look, stay away from the villagers, anyone especially friendly, anyone who talks about love, togetherness, caring, all that crap. Don’t go anyplace overgrown, anyplace with too many mushrooms. Spores will get in your brain.”

“I just do what I’m told. Or infer, really, I’m not told enough to do what I’m told.

If you wanna be helpful – something’s spreading this. The Curse spreads enough on its own, but something’s deliberately spreading it around. Go hunt for whatever’s doing that. Also, I can’t find previous warden – y’know, the person whose beat this is supposed to be.

He’s mostly losing interest in us, but can’t resist one last jab. “What do you need that mandrake for anyway? Half the things you think they can do, they can’t.”

Valeria jumps at the chance to talk about her Quest. “Over in Mornheim they’re dealing with the undead sort of curse. There’s a disease in the water affecting the whole population, and we found a ritual to purify the river! It’s not the sort of magic I usually work with, but I think I can make it function with the plants that I need. I’ve got almost all of them!”

“Hmm. Whatcha missin’?”

We check our notes. “Norbert’s Wort?”

Those Sturmhearst guys might have some, if you wanna try to get it off ‘em. Or there’s a bunch of it growin’ not far from the riverbank. Lemme see this ritual of yours, I wanna make sure you’re not wastin’ your time.”

He gives it the once-over with a surprisingly appreciative eye. “Oh, huh. Rosalind’s work.” He rolls up the scroll, slaps it back into Valeria’s claws, and turns to walk out into the wood. “Get outta here. I got things to do. If you stick around, Fingers will eat ya.”

Wait.

There’s a beat, and then Shoshana starts yelling. “WAIT, ROSALIND? BECAUSE WE FOUND THIS IN THE HOUSE OF A LADY NAMED ROSALIND. AND I DIDN’T THINK YOU GUYS WERE INTO HOUSES? WAIT COME BACK SHE’S A GHOST NOWWWWWW-”

He’s gone. Dammit.

We wave goodbye to Fingers.

As we cautiously make our way out of the grove, Gral is asked to make a Charisma check. A leaf, still stuck to a small bent twig, falls from the great tree and gently helicopters down. He reaches up a hand and catches it out of the air, easily, as if it was intended to find his hand. With an excellent perception check, he glances up and sees the silhouette of a motherly face in the branches. It’s hard to spot among the rustling green canopy, but it’s looking down at us from the branches - he can almost see a wooden torso in one branch – and then the shape pulls back into the branch, moving through it like sand.

Gral experiences an internal hell yes.

Gral has received: one twig with some leaves! It has vibes. This thing is definitely special, and a gift – not from the druid, but from the Mother Tree.

It clearly has Properties, but we do not know what they are.

So, what next? Trying to get the last plant for the spell has a nonzero chance of getting us lost overnight. We could stop by the Sturmhearst annex, or check in on the trolls....wait. Dang it. This morning we told that old lady we’d stay in town overnight. And we’ve already stood up one dinner invitation this arc.

As Clem capably leads us around dangers and toward Sturmhearst, Gral stares at his twig. He can see the leaves seem to move without wind, and he slowly realizes he’s able to predict which ways Clem is gonna lead us based on which way the leaf radar blows. It seems the gift can help find safe passage in the wood!

With a good survival check, we manage to skirt all dangers and the riled-up zone. Once again we smell acrid smoke from Sturmhearst camp and pass by the impassive looking giant owl guards with their flamethrowers. We see Rita the robot chicken hop by with something in her mouth, and follow her into camp. She ignores us and bops right up into the house that contains Prof. Ulmus’ lab.

Hey, we should go check on Flynn! A student directs us to where they’ve set up their clinic in an old barn, and soon we are confronted with a steely-eyed Fiona, arms crossed, glaring at us. “Hi, we, uh-”

She is silent, as usual, but Valeria rolls a nat 20 insight and can read her face like a book. She’s mad that we didn’t come back when we said we would – we made them worry, and also left them alone in this den of academic madness.

Valeria stumbles over a sincere apology until she is interrupted by a solid barbarian hug.

The paladin takes this as her opening to gossip about our day. “We got plants! And got real lost! We slept over a troll’s place!” Fiona makes a surprised gesture. “Yeah, there’s like eight. They have HOUSES. It’s surreal?!?!?! One of them thinks he’s a doctor!”

She’s interrupted when Dr. Ulmus sticks her hand through a curtain and hands off a vial of blood. Valeria now has blood. “Take this to my lab, please.”

Valeria blinks. “O...kay?” She dutifully leaves to take the blood to the lab.

Shoshana can’t keep her mouth shut. “Uh, ma’am? ….did you not notice that wasn’t a grad student?”

“Hm?”

“You gave this to the paladin.”

“…Good. She’ll follow orders. WAIT, YOU’RE BACK!” The doctor bursts through the curtain, beak-first.

“We come bearing fungus!” Clem gives her a vial of fungus. Clem is then ordered to take this to Prof Ulmus’s lab. She does.

So now we have two tanks in a lab. They try to flag down a grad student and make them do it . No, too bad, they’re busy. Clem is like, what if I’m enormous and intimidating? But the grad student is not impressed. “Please. Do you know what kind of horrors I’m studying? You can’t terrify me.”

Valeria is like FFFF CAN YOU PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHERE THE BLOOD GOES. But the grad student leaves.

Oh hey, that rack has vials of red stuff. She puts the blood in the blood rack.

Clem shrugs, sets the fungus on a random table, and leaves.

Back at the clinic, a pale and haggard Flynn stumbles out and leans on Fiona. “My sister was very worried,” he tells us, making a flimsy effort at his usual grandiosity. “I, of course, had total confidence in you!”

Fiona, deadpan, signs: [He cried.]

Professor Ulmus finally emerges in full. “Well, Mr. Fairgold, I’d say you’re well on your way to recovery! Practice those breathing exercises I showed you and take it easy for next few days.”

Valeria and Clem hustle back, spouting apologizes for missing dinner, because Valeria is polite and Clem is genuinely upset at missing the opportunity to pick the doctor’s brain about medicine.

“Hmm, yes, you’re back! Well, you’re all alive…” Professor Ulmus starts inspecting us, her beaked mask tilting this way and that. “…oh dear.” She prods Clem a bit. “Yes, hmm.” She briskly hands Clem some sort of compressed herb poultice. “You’ll want to eat this.” Clem immediately makes a med check. It’s some kind of medicine, I guess. Clem swallows it. It tastes super gross.

“So!” she chirps. “I look forward to hearing what you’ve learned. How was your expedition, did you find what you were looking for?”

“Most of it,” Valeria admits. “We’re still looking for Norbert’s Wort.”

“I have a bit, but it’s spoken for, I’m afraid. Anyhow, I believe a dinner was planned! It’s a good thing you didn’t show up last night, I forgot all about it. I had to do quite a lot of work on Mr. Fairgold. The fungal infestation in his lungs should be cleared up, although the treatment did leave some aftereffects. Nausea, some trouble breathing for a few days. Nothing major.”

Valeria just sort of awkwardly lifts her hand, offering Lay Ons. He waves her off, bluffing his way past her insight. Sure, he’s fiiiiiiiine.

“He was fortunate. Not the worst I’ve seen – something worse would have required a substantially more radical treatment. More invasive, too. Were any of you exposed?”

“Uhh, not to that, but to other things?” We tell her about the Snorlax bear over a plate of sandwiches.

“Yes, I’ve seen similar phenomena – a fungal colony hijacking a living creature. Unfortunately that’s where my expertise ends – I might have to discuss with my, ugh, colleague in the aberrant biology department.”

Valeria tells her about the dream mushroom feast. “So you tripped on mushrooms and hallucinated and fought some mushroom men. We’ve all been there.” The professor waves it off with disinterest. “Yes, spooky curse magic messing with your mind, I’m sure it was harrowing. And/or enlightening. But I don’t have time for spooky magics; I’m a woman of SCIENCE! Speaking of, Clementine, where did you put that fungus?”

“On a table with similar looking specimens?”

“Pardon me a moment.” She immediately stands and runs. We see a huge guard stomp toward the lab. Then flamethrower noises. There’s a bit of screaming.

She emerges slightly scorched, fixing her coat. “That…was the wrong table. It’s cross contaminated! Well, I suppose that’s the cost of science. Sometimes, in order to make great discoveries, you must burn a table of samples before they kill you.”

“I’m sorry, I asked a grad student and he said put it anywhere, really!” Clem bluffs.

“Which one?”

“....um, a short guy wearing a bird mask?

“Ah, Jean-Pierre, I know him. We will have words later. Never trust an entomologist, they’ve all got a head full of beetles or something. So! What’s next for you? I can’t say we have a ton of room here, but I’m sure we can try to find somewhere for you to stay...”

Valeria idly taps the clear bead on her earring chain. “Well, we DID promise to stay at the inn in town tonight...”

Ulmus hums discontentedly. “I trust the villagers precisely as far as my guards can throw them.”

Shoshana butts in. “Right? Okay, because the last time we stayed in a fungus person’s house I was RIGHT and it SUCKED.”

We go back and forth, deciding we’ll keep our promise but stay in the annex for dinner. A feast in Mushroom Town sounds...ominous.

Clem, determined, asks the professor if she can have a flamethrower. Sadly, it doesn’t matter how much Clem pleads her strength and skill, those had to be SPECIALLY REQUISITIONED from the ENGINEERING DEPARTMENT. She had to call in favors! Now if you’ll excuse her, she has work to do.

We have an early dinner, and then head to other side of river for the first time. The difference could not be more marked. If this wasn’t German old-growth forest, the other side would be a jungle (a fungus jungle? A fungle.); these are lush, rolling, well-tamed agricultural fields dotted with quaint farmhouses; rural but civilized.

The “town” is a bare handful of buildings clustered around a small mill. A general store, the mill, the inn, a sheriff’s office, and that’s really it. Blacksmith. Handful of tradespeople. Pretty standard – these are people who live to support the surrounding farmers.

Not far from there we can see the Farmers’ Temple we heard about, a plain round wooden structure with large carved symbols for Rack, Torme, and Lethe. By Valeria’s standards, it’s the absolute bare minimum of what counts as a temple. “They’re trying, I appreciate that.”

As we travel into town, Valeria can see that the people on this side of river seem to fall firmly into 1 of 2 camps: some are incredibly healthy, almost overly large and well-fed, and very happy. The other half seems sickly. Not as bad as Mornheim, but we can easily sort people into Kinda Sickly or Big Healthy. There’s a lot of coughing. Perhaps the Medusoid Mycelium?!

It’s nearly sunset; we head down to the inn. There’s a couple of people sitting around the inn, farmers getting a drink after making deliveries to the mill. A friendly innkeeper named Aaron greets us. “Ah, you must be the people I’ve heard about!”

“Yes, Zelig told you about us?”

“Yeah, I’ve got some rooms prepped for ya. What brings you to town? We don’t get many of your type around – knights, or whatever you are.”

“Oh, we heard there’d been another Knight of the Rose around,” Shoshana probes.

“That’s what Zelig says, haven’t seen him.”

“Well, uh, thank you for your hospitality?”

We head upstairs, breaking into our usual pairs of roommates - Clem with Gral, Valeria with Shoshana, Aethis in the stables weirding out the horses.

Clem, the wary soldier, checks around to ensure the room is secure. She finds something! A note has been tucked into the mattress. “YOU ARE IN DANGER. COME DOWNSTAIRS AFTER THE SERVICES START AT THE TEMPLE.”

Huh.

She tells the rest of us. Everyone is like, “...yeah, we already knew that?” But it’s excellent news that not every villager is in on it.

There’s a knock on Clem’s door. A nervous young woman is standing there, holding a tray full of pastries. “Hey, uh. My dad wanted me to give you these. They’re leftover, they’d just go stale anyway.”

“Oh, uh, thank you! Much obliged. Um, will that be all?”

“Try ‘em, at least take a look at them. They’re pretty good,” the girl tells her insistently, and scurries off.

Clem and Gral immediately inspect the pastries suspiciously. Pulling one apart - sure enough, there’s a note stuffed in a pastry! It says “CHECK UNDER THE BED.”

Under the bed, where Clem found the first note.

Gral pops down to the tavern area to get a few more deets from Aaron the innkeeper. Turns out temple services start after sundown. “You’ll know it, you’ll see people headin’ towards it. Why, you thinkin of attending?”

“We have a paladin with us, she’s always interested in the local religious customs.”

“It’s nothing you’d be interested in. More of a town hall meeting than anything.”

“I understand. Thank you for the pastries, they were absolutely delicious!”

“Oh, thanks kindly! Sleep well.”

Sure enough, as the sun sets we see lights in the dark as people start streaming in from across the valley to the Farmers’ Temple.

Once it looks like the last stragglers have made it into the service, Clem knocks on wall separating our rooms, as a signal, and we head downstairs. We try to be quiet about it. Aaron and his daughter are there, cloaked and ready for travel. His daughter has a hooded lantern in her hand.

“I don’t know what you people came here for, but you’re not gonna find it here,” whispers the innkeeper urgently. “You have to leave.”

“What kind of danger?”

“I keep my ears open. Zelig came back this morning, told some people about some outsiders, guests – told us to have rooms ready for them, and then stay out of their way when they came for you tonight. I don’t know how long we have – they always go to temple first, but the clock’s running. I don’t know you much, but you seem-“

“This has happened before?” Valeria breaks in, concerned.

“Not in so many words, but, yeah. People have gone missing. Last time we couldn’t do anything about it. We weren’t warned; they just showed up in the night. This time they were worried – there’s more of you, and better armed. Last time was just traveling merchants.”

Gral nods. "We came here looking to find what 'they' were planning at the troll moot. We don't just want to run away, but if you're in danger for housing us, that can wait. What's next?"

“The troll moot? Yeah that’s fishy, but I don’t know how to warn ‘em away. You folks seem connected, can you get word out about this place? But be discreet. I’ve heard stories about the Penitents, and I don’t want no part of that either. There’s still good people here. A lot of people in that temple there, though – I would have sworn they were good people too, until this all started. I’m not sure what it’s all about. We haven’t been going to services, and so far they haven’t forced us to. But they had folks posted in the inn, makin’ sure you showed up tonight.

“You gotta get moving. Rebecca can get you to someplace safe. Slip out now, and finish leaving the valley tomorrow night.”

Clem insights ‘em, and then seem genuinely honest and concerned for us.

“Whatever this is, something about you guys has them spooked, so I wanna make sure you survive. There’s strange things afoot in Herzfeld these days.”

“Would they let you leave?” Valeria asks.

“I don’t wanna know what would happen if we tried. So far they’ve been content to let us keep running the inn, serving ‘em drinks.”

“How have you evaded their influence?” Clem asks suspiciously. “What makes you the exception?”

“Not everybody’s one of ‘em. The woman, Zelig, she came out of the woods a couple months ago after the other side of river fell. She started talkin’ to people, sayin’ she knew way to protect us. People were scared, ‘specially since the old cleric went over to the other side of the river and never came back. A bunch of people went down to the temple to hear her say her piece.

“Those that went – not all of them came back. Afterwards, she started holding services regularly. Meetings, gatherings, whatever. Those that go, their crops flourish, they get strong and healthy. Those that don’t start to get sick. Their crops die. And once people start getting sick, everyone tells ‘em to go to temple and pray about it.”

I don’t know why Rebecca and I have managed to avoid the brunt of it so far.”

Rebecca pipes up. “I’ve snuck into the temple during day, it’s open to everyone. It seems fine mostly, bit run down – everything seems to be in place. But whatever’s going on there, it’s weird. The point is, I can take you to a safe place.”

Her dad nods. “I dunno where it is. Safer that way.”

Rebecca continues, her face too grim for her young age. “I’ve been smuggling people out of the valley. Mostly, people who oppose Zelig just vanish. Dad keeps the inn running and keeps his ears open. Anyone we suspect might be in danger, we get them out.”

Valeria considers. “We’re not going until we figure out what’s going on, but staying safe for tonight is not a bad idea.”

“I don’t know how long the service will go. It can be ten minutes, it can be an hour. We have to get moving, now.”

We hurriedly discuss: we want to know what happens at the mysterious services, but Valeria and Clem aren’t exactly built for stealth. Rebecca says that during the service itself, the town’s pretty deserted - everyone either goes in or stays well away.

We decide to split the party: Rebecca will take Team Clank to meet her friends at the safe house; Gral and Shoshana will sneak up to the temple.

“I can’t tell you where safe house is; if you get captured, you’ll spill. Meet me at the top of hill there. I’ll be hiding in the bushes right by the old fence.”

The shadowy huntress and the subtle bard manage to get close without giving themselves away. Gral gets right up next to a window, and listens in, staying out of the window’s line of sight.

Zelig’s voice booms out, rich and strong: “Brothers, Sisters, we come to our next business. You have heard of the outsiders. They come, they question us. They question our ways, our motives. They endanger our sacred project with our brethren amongst the trolls. Do not fear, for we have a solution: I sense in them a great capacity for love and understanding. Tonight we shall find them, and give them a chance to join in our love. Should they not, should they hold hatred in their hearts, then those hearts may be hollowed and made ready for our love. Come brothers, come sisters, come family.”

Gral minor illusions the hue of the night sky onto his face, hoping it’s enough cover to peek in the window unnoticed.

“It is time. First, let us renew our bonds,” the old woman intones. Zelig stands in the center of the circular room. All the people around her are tall, strong, and glowing with health, crowded together, holding hands. Zelig taps a floorboard, and Hans and Frans solemnly move to pry up the board.

Underneath is a lush green carpet of plant life. Fungus and vines creep out of the floorboard, growing at an impossible rate. Everyone stands as a wave of vegetable and fungal matter extends through temple, climbing up the worshippers’ legs and enveloping their bodies entirely. As Hans and Frans pull back the boards, a frame rises up; vines work their way into frame, forming a picture. Blooming flowers and different shades of leaves and lichen form the image of a female figure, motherly looking, bound in roots. Yet another tapestry?

The worshippers speak in eerie unison. “Though bound, she will be free. She is the growth. She is our love. She is protection. She will grow free of her bonds. We will grow as she does.” The chanting does not falter as the wave of plant matter entirely consumes the chamber. Gral ducks back under the window as the air chamber starts to fill with dense, cloudy spores.

He’s been relaying everything he sees to Shoshana with Message, and they both agree: We’ve seen what we can see, it’s time to get the hell out of here.

Meanwhile, Rebecca leads Valeria and Clem out of the town proper to a set of rolling hills near an abandoned granary. There’s a cleverly hidden trapdoor set almost invisibly into the sod, leading down into a small network of caves.

“They used to use these caves to make cheese! Hmm...it should be this one tonight.” She bypasses several doors set into the earthy tunnels, stopping at one seemingly at random and knocking softly.

A voice on the other side whispers, “Who are you?”

“One who seeks freedom,” Rebecca whispers back.

“And who are we?”

“The last Free Thieves!”

...What.

The door opens a crack, and Rebecca hurriedly herds the tanks through. “The guy in charge is the little guy. His name’s Henri Decannes. Him or one of his people will help you get out. I have to get your friends.” She runs back into night, vanishing into the darkness.

Valeria groans. She understands that stabbing Henri is not an appropriate action at this time, but dang would she enjoy it. And now she’s gonna have a DEBT to him? Maaaaaaaan.

As Gral begins to sneak back over to Shoshana, behind them, they hear the congregants start to move.

#bad herzfeld #the growth #valeria argent #gral omokk'duu #clem haxan #shoshana bat chaya #druid devito #professor ulmus #henri decannes #session recap

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marvelandponder · 7 years ago

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Lost Episodes? Well, You Better Go Find Them!

Ever browse through the internet looking for the lost ideas that never made it air? Have you gone to conventions just to hear the insight on what the show staff left out? Are you already on board thus defeating the purpose of me giving a third example?

As a fan who enjoys the occasional interview, commentary, or behind-the-scenes tid-bit, that describes me pretty well.

I always like hearing the stories we could’ve gotten. To me, there’s an element of intrigue, and the same feeling I get hearing urban legends except with the confirmation that this was in fact true information.

This month we saw the revival of the script for Fame and Misfortune, a story M.A. Larson wrote around the time the staff was writing the 5th season that was then retooled and edited to fit with the current season. In honour of that lost script getting new life, I thought I’d go through and find all the coolest lost content MLP never had to offer!

Of course, to super fans, this may not be new information (I don’t have access to the pony version of the deep web quite yet...), but hopefully there will be some surprises in here for even those who seek out the lost and unknown...

Honourable Mention Section

Debunked Nightmare Moon the Villain for ALL of Season 1: This has since been corrected by Lauren Faust, but the original rumour was that Faust planned for the show to be a serialized, on-going story, and that instead of being defeated in the first two episodes, Nightmare Moon was supposed to reign over Equestria for all 26 episodes. We now know Lauren always planned for the show to be an ensemble comedy, but it was a very cool rumour nonetheless - Source (x)

Lost Pinkie Pie Songs by Amy Keating Rogers: In the Season 1 finale The Best Night Ever, Amy Keating Rogers says Pinkie was meant to sing a few more songs that she wrote for her. These would’ve been the standard early seasons Pinkie songs, one being called the Pinkie Conga - Source: (x)

The Hub Commercials: While not exactly lost (and hence not on the list), new fans of the show might not have been around before the switch from the Hub to Discovery Family, and have no idea about these hidden gems. These relics include, but aren’t limited to an April Fools series trailer for a Cowboy BeBop inspired Spike spinoff called Dragonfire, a dub of the 2014 Maleficent trailer by the official cast with Discord as Maleficent, and a parody of Kay Perry’s California Girls called Equestria Girls that predates the series of the same name!

3 Scootaloo Episodes Dealing with her Disability in the First 2 Seasons: Since we ended up getting an episode that dealt with this topic in the form of Flight to the Finish, this didn’t quite make the list, but it almost did based on the fact that was originally supposed to be an arc. Scootaloo would’ve taken 3 episodes to learn that she would never fly and achieve her dream of being like Rainbow Dash, according to Lauren Faust, but ultimately, the little squirt would learn her real worth didn’t depend on her wings or abilities - Source: (x)

Lightning Dust’s Redemption: Anybody out there holding out for hope for Lightning Dust? What if I told you she could’ve already been redeemed? Well, it’s true. Our good friend Megan McCarthy released two portions of the original ending on her Twitter, including one where Lightning Dust become Rainbow Dash’s wing pony (Source: x):

Derpy’s Deleted Flashback Scene, The Last Roundup: Remember how people got mad about Derpy’s voice and clumsy behaviour? Well that was nothing compared to the destruction they had planned. Originally, there was going to be a flashback to Derpy accidentally destroying the town hall, thus giving the episode an inciting incident. Amy Keating Rogers let us in on the original scene (Source: x x), and well, it wouldn’t have ended pretty:

With those out of the way, let’s get to the real list of unreleased goodness! Remember, all of these have been confirmed, and you can check the sources as they’re provided for proof.

#10. Lauren Faust’s Big Mac Episode

Imagine a timeline where we got a Big Mac episode in season 1. Now imagine that was going to be our timeline.

Lauren Faust originally planned to have an episode starring Big Mac that featured the then monosyllabic stallion going through his daily life with his three outspoken family members. She’s described it on her Deviantart thusly:

“Big Mac is a stallion of little words. He just keeps his opinions to himself. I think he knows he's around three opinionated mares and it's easiest to just go with the flow. We had a Big Mac centered episode idea where he was helping all three of them one day, just going along with what they wanted to keep the peace (the running gag being that his three family members were quite verbose and he spoke only with facial expressions) but finally got fed up and took off. The Apple ladies worried that they had taken his easy going nature for granted and made a big production out of apologizing and promising not to take him for granted ever again, only to find out that he went into town to get another hand- er, hoof- to help. Of course the only words he'd say were to graciously accept their apologies and promises anyway. I thought it was cute and I LOVE non-verbal gags and acting in cartoons, but it was turned down.” - Source: (x)

We clearly never got the episode, but MLP comics issues #9 and 10, Zen and the Art of Gazebo Repair, did end up following Big Mac through a chaotic day and relying mostly on his expression to get across his feelings. Whether this mini-arc was inspired by the lost episode, we may never know, but we got a good story out of it all the same. Eeyup.

#9. Rainbow and Applejack Help a Deer Family Episode

Once again, Lauren Faust provides! Since working on the show, Faust has said that one of the early episode concepts involved Rainbow Dash and Applejack stumbling across a deer family with a young pony who thought he was a deer. Perhaps cut for its similarities to Over a Barrel, the episode’s conflict would’ve centered around RD and AJ taking sides of the issue on whether or not to burst the “deer’s” bubble.

Ironically, Applejack and Rainbow Dash took surprising positions on the issue, given their Elements: Rainbow Dash wanted to break the news to the pony, whereas Applejack wanted to leave well enough alone.

Jokes about their Elements being switched aside, I would imagine this episode would’ve established the depth of their characters outside of their roles as the Elements of Harmony. Rainbow Dash would rather speak her mind and be blunt and deal with the consequences afterward despite her loyalty, and Applejack would rather tell a lie if it meant keeping a family together.

In my opinion, this most likely would’ve set precedent that even the each of the Mane 6′s Elements have areas of exception, and those areas reveal something about each pony.

And, if all that wasn’t cool enough for you, this episode also took place in White Tail Woods, which is where it got the name that stuck with the show despite the episode concept being lost. You can still find White Tail Woods on the official map to this day.

Source: (x)

#8. The Curious Case of FlutterDragon

Here’s a famous one, but a fascinating one: Normally during conventions like Comic Con or BronyCon, when a voice actor gives out information on an upcoming season, it’s pretty reliable (unless it’s obviously a joke).

So, the Comic Con before season 3 rolled around, and as usual, we were getting a lot great information on the upcoming season. Trixie would be returning? There would be a Twilight and Spike duet? Score! One piece of information that stood out, however, was from Tabitha St. Germain, who as you most likely know voices Rarity and Luna.

She said that her favourite recording session was for the episode that “Fluttershy turns into a dragon.”

Not the episode where Fluttershy faces a dragon or anything like that that had already aired.

Megan McCarthy eventually had to debunk this theory via Twitter, but I kept this on the list because it came from an official source all the same. A recording session that never made it to air that, to this day, hasn’t been explained? Now that’s mysterious.

I have to wonder if that was a warm-up of some sort, just to get the voice actresses in character. Of all the staff members, Tabitha is one of the least likely to just troll the fandom, so I still have to believe she was truly referencing something. Even Andrea Libman, Fluttershy herself, seemed to know what she was talking about as Tabitha described it being funny hearing Fluttershy’s soft voice coming out of a giant dragon.

The story behind this pick alone is enough to make me wonder...

Source: (x)

#7. Rarity’s Deleted Scene in Luna Eclipsed

Have you ever noticed that there’s one pony missing in Luna Eclipsed?

Well, Rarity originally had a scene that explains her absence. Lauren Faust to the rescue again!:

“...May I ask why Rarity wasn't in it? Lauren: She was in the script. Sounds like she got cut. Kitmit: What was she supposed to do in the script? You think she would of made herself some fabulous nightmare night costume... Lauren: She was still working on her costume, and perfectionist as she is, it wasn't ready. (I forget what it was.) There was a whole sequence where Twilight brought Luna to Rarity's for a makeover, hoping she could give Luna a "softer," less intimidating look. Rarity freaked out about getting to dress up a Princess and over did it, covering her in the pinkiest pink princess get up ever. Luna disliked it and in taking it off, had a piece of the dress in her mouth. Pinkie showed up just at that moment and screamed that Nightmare Moon ate a princess and all the kids screamed and ran. Source - (x)

Rarity’s over-dramatics most likely would’ve made this scene hilarious had it made it to the final cut, and honestly, that’s all I need to say. Tabitha St. Germain might’ve spread the FlutterDragon rumour by accident, but she’s one hell of a comedic voice actress, and her playing off of herself and Tara Strong for a scene could’ve been a stellar performance.

At least we know where Rarity was the whole time now... and judging by Scare Master, she learned her lesson and just went with something less than utter perfection the year after. Does that count as character development?

#6. Zecora’s Mentor Role

This might be common knowledge for hardcore fans as well, but in hindsight it’s such a loss that it deserves it’s own spot.

Zecora has become critically underutilized, especially in later seasons, but that wasn’t always meant to be the case. Zecora was originally meant to fill the mentor role in Twilight’s life while Celestia was busy in Canterlot. Of course, Twilight would still write to Celestia for guidance, but Faust also said:

“If we had penned more adventure stories, the only difference I can think of is that perhaps you would have seen more of Luna and Zecora. Zecora was designed to be a sage and mentor to whom the ponies could go for information about their quests. She was designed to be a second mentor to Twilight, but that didn’t come to pass.” Source: (x)

We can see bits of this throughout the series, though, in episodes like Secret of My Excess, The Cutie Pox, and Magic Duel.

If she were Twilight’s second mentor, it might have even been interesting to have a conflict between Zecora and Celestia about some kind of magic, leaving Twilight in the middle to struggle with the fact that both of the authority figures might not be teaching her the right solution, and it’s up to her to decide. Just some speculation, based on where Twilight’s character would’ve been at the time...

Perhaps Zecora’s role can be reclaimed in the future, as she’s included in more episodes to come. But for now, we can only think of what might’ve been.

#5. Sunset’s Duet, Homesickness Storyline, and Alternate Ending to Friendship Games

Okay, so this is definitely well known, but given just how well-constructed and nearly finalized this story-arc was, I couldn’t leave it off the list! Plus, something something Sunset Shimmer bias.

Thanks to the Friendship Games DVD extras, you can watch all the deleted scenes, including the duet, over here if you’ve never seen them:

youtube

I always found the parallels drawn so satisfying, even if the alternate ending had Sci-Twi leaving for Crystal Prep.

In hindsight, what’s even more interesting is that they’ve seemed to go in the opposite direction with Sunset: when she finally did return to Equestria, it was rather reluctantly, and only briefly. Despite the fact that she has friends and an ex-mentor on the other side, she seems to be eager to stay in the human world.

Or, maybe she’s avoiding somepony...

Seeing how completely opposite things could’ve turned out is fascinating in and of itself.

#4. Lost Slice of Life Gags

How could that episode get any crazier? Slice of Life is already the epitome of our absolutely wild fandom, what more could there be?

Well, of course, M.A. Larson does not disappoint for this list, providing some insight into missing scenes like a Devil Went Down to Georgia inspired cello battle between Octavia and King Sombra.

In fact, there’s a whole list of cuts:

“In the first draft Vinyl Scratch's talked, but they told him she doesn't talk, so it was removed in phase 2.

The original Vinyl Scratch and Octavia scene involved Vinyl crashing at Octavia's house and destroying her sofa. So she goes to Quills and Sofas to buy a new one. They weren't originally roommates, but The Hub and Hasbro made them roommates.

Flash Sentry was originally in the script. He was following Cranky asking why no one likes him.

Another cut scene was a group of ponies coming in, and a group of their recolor ponies running into them, followed by awkwardness.

His original reason for not wanting to bowl, was because he had trauma as a kid where he couldn't figure out the physics behind it, which lead to his science focused career.

Outside of episode 100, there was originally a cut scene where after Twilight is coronated, Rainbow Dash and her fly around Equestria, eventually ending up in dragonland where they do a musical scene.There was a scene where Derpy is saying "I don't know what to do doc! I don't know what to do!" and the camera pans over to reveal Dr. Caballeron, revealing Derpy at the wrong table with the wrong doctor. Gags like this were throughout the entire original script.

After everyone is gone and in the town hall, the bat ponies and royal guards are outside doing silly impressions of Princess Luna and Celestia. "Every day shall be cake day!".

At one point, Lyra tells Bonbon to "stop using that ridiculous voice!" to make fun of her other voices.

In the script, Gummy had a french accent.

There was a moment where Doctor Whooves is running up to Carousel Boutique, and he sees Opal and Tom.

A scene between Coco Pommel and the pony from season one in Boast Busters with the green mane that Rarity accidently insults was cut. She had a full green wedding ensemble on with Coco's stamp of approval, and said she couldn't wait until Rarity saw it as revenge. Coco Pommel then says she doesn't really like green, and asks for anything in pink.

The original ending had the hugging scene with the mane 6 being their usual end-of-episode corny selves, but the camera pans to the sunset where a changeling army is flying in...”

Source: (x)

This episode went through a lot of research and development to get just right, and even I would’ve loved to see all of that be left in, we ultimately only have so much run-time per episode.

But if that weren’t enough to convince of why I admire M.A. Larson as a writer...

#3. Fillidelphia Ragtime

I suppose you might be wondering how a single undeveloped episode idea can beat out all that Slice of Life goodness.

Well, it comes down to structure, adult (but nowhere near too adult) implications, and a really intriguing idea.

I’ll let Larson make the pitch himself:

youtube

(55:24-57:50)

Larson pretty much immediately sold me on this. I think because there’s a part of me that loves implying the maturity of these characters without going into it for the kids sake, and honestly, it would be so much damn fun.

This episode was never meant to be, it seems, but damn is it ever a good premise.

2.5. Twilight Nearly Resigns From Being a Princess

Note: I stumbled on this one late in the game and instead of bumping something off the list, I decided to cheat and give you all an extra pick. I’m a stinker that way.

We know Twilight wasn’t always so sure about herself as the Princess of Friendship, but did you know she almost gave it up?

“In "Amending Fences," Twilight is at her lowest low and goes to visit Celestia in the middle of the night. She tells her mentor that she has to give up her role as princess of friendship because of how her past actions have affected Moondancer. She says, "How can I tell others about the magic of friendship if I've killed that spirit in somepony else?" Celestia then surprises her by saying that the lesson Twilight is in Canterlot to learn is one that she herself has only recently learned. Twilight is surprised...Celestia knows everything about everything. But Celestia looks out the window at the moon and says, "Some relationships are so broken, so filled with bitterness and anger that they seem impossible to mend. But the lesson you're here to learn now is that it's never too late to repair a broken friendship." So Celestia uses her own experience, her gradual rebuilding of trust and friendship with her own sister, to tell Twilight that everyone goes through it. This gives Twilight the hope that she can fix things with Moondancer. I thought it was a nice scene, but you only have 22 minutes and this was an easy cut.”

Source: (x)

Easy cut my ass! That’s a huge deal! Twilight would’ve come through in the end anyway, but it’s still interesting to know how close she could’ve come to giving it all up...

#2. Seapony Two-Parter

Seaponies? In G4? Don’t be ridiculous....

But it was true. One of Lauren Faust’s ideas at that. She would’ve designed them after the sea ponies of the first generation, with a plot sounding preeetty darn cool:

“Hasbro never asked for seaponies, but other ideas that had nothing to do with them. Lauren was hoping for a two-episode special so that she could have the proper build up and payoff for the seaponies, but the idea never came up. Lauren planned for the style of the seaponies to be the same as G1 with seapony bodies and pony heads. While Lauren didn't have the seaponies in her show bible, she had a plan for incorporating them. The episodes included one of the seaponies washing up on the Equestrian beach and begging for their kingdom to be helped. Their kingdom would be in the Equestrian Ocean, drawing inspiration from Greek and European mythology. She even thought about using the Kraken as a villain.” Source: (x)

Undersea shenanigans and the chance to make a genuinely terrifying sea monster the villain sounds perfect, to be honest. This may not have fit within the schedule for the first two seasons Lauren helped work on, but lo and behold, we’re finally getting around to the fish-horses one way or another! I find it hilarious that in G4, they’re almost majestic and carry with them some sort of epic quest for the girls.

Shoo-be-doo, indeed.

#1. The Series Finale Version of Magical Mystery Cure

After all this time, Magical Mystery Cure holds up in some regards (Celestia’s Ballad is gorgeous no matter what, the animation is beautiful, etc.) but good pacing, it was doomed to never have. Writer M.A. Larson asked the studio execs if they could make it a two-parter, because at the time this was going to be it, they really didn’t know if the show would be renewed. Buut Hasbro said no, so a two-part story had to be crammed into a single episode.

Even with that aside, what was the series finale of MLP going to be like?

Larson recalls that his original script was more a Pandora’s box story than anything else. Celesita sent Twilight a box and, by letter, told her student to wait for her to get there to go over the high level magic inside. Celestia’s mistake was telling Twilight this would lead to a new level of her studies.

Twilight, of course, couldn’t handle waiting to see the amazing magic within, and just like Friendship Games, her curiosity would’ve gotten the better of her. Which, of course, is when she would’ve unleashed the cutie mark swapping spell.

Celestia would then send Twilight a letter that just read My faithful student, what have you done?

To imply that even Celestia herself couldn’t handle this.

In both versions of Magical Mystery Cure, our favourite reader becomes an author of a spell, but in Larson’s story it’s a bit more clear as to what exactly Twilight’s spell does.

Twilight wasn’t just finishing a spell to create new magic (which... only seems to undo what the first part of the spell does), she was rewriting a spell that was already in existence. The words even rearranged on the page for her.

Granted, I like the idea of Twilight standing on the shoulders of giants to earn her wings (finishing Starswirl’s spell) but what a way to end the series: with the book that opened in the first episode closing, implying that Twilight and her friends became legends.

But, in the end, I’m glad we didn’t get that version of Magical Mystery Cure, because what we did get, and what came after, was worth anything that was lost.

More Pony? I’ve got that! I do reviews and editorials! Check out the last three things I’ve done here:

Fame and Misfortune, Triple Threat, and Campfire Tales Reviews

Year of the Pony

Featured Artists of the Post Include:

Derpy’s Accident by GlancoJusticar Apple Siblings Vector by 773her Bramble Vector by CheeseDoodle96 FlutterDragon by Skyfries Rarity’s Nightmare Night by GlancoJusticar Zecora Vector by Stabzor Sunset Vector by KeronianNiroro Sombra Vector by Fercho262 Octavia Vector by WishDream Applejack Vector by Midnite99 Rainbow Dash Seapony Vector by GreenMachine987 Twilight Picture by The Shadow Stone

Go check out these talented artists! They’re nice enough to work really hard to make these vectors available with credit, so go appreciate their talent and hard work!

What Never Was and Might’ve Been

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