#Because You Had Shitty Parents
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You can't go back and parent yourself, but you can still parent yourself, no matter what age you might be.
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Imagine you're Mr. Wu and your weird gay daughter runs away in tears after destroying some unespecified object while yelling about you ruining her life. Because you told her you'd be moving to another state. This is the last time you see your daughter in half a year, and when she comes back, she comes back... wrong. She's wearing a light leather armor, a fur-lined cape, and a green flower crown. She has two long scars, one alongside her spine and the other along her chest, the tissue around them covered in burn scars. Doctors say she shouldn't have survived. Doctors say she didn't. Yet she's right here, in front of you, hospital gown clinging to her small, fragile, trembling frame. She fidgets with her hands. Getting her to stay still has always been difficult, but now it seems impossible. She won't let go of her phone. She's always texting her two friends. When you take it away, she gets anxious. You always knew those damn phones cause kids to act weird, but your kid having a panic attack seems too extreme, even for her. Then again, she's always been odd. Nowadays, she wakes up crying and screaming almost every night, and you realize she's been stealing her phone from your bedside drawer every night to text her friends, returning it before you wake up. You catch her once and decide to give her that damn phone back. It's the only thing that calms her down, as if she were a baby with a pacifier. She spends her last weeks in LA clinging to her friends, having sleepovers and playing her weird board games with them. Everytime they drop her back at her house, there's an excessive amount of hugs and tears. But the moments when they call her, or when she leaves to meet with them, or when they show up at their door to pick her up... those are the only moments in which you see her happy. One of her friends, the rude and disobedient one, came back with a big scar on her face. She's been acting a lot nicer, though. The other one too. She acts a great deal more adult now. You doesn't know what happened or where your daughter went. She won't tell you. But you can tell this friendship is the only thing keeping her afloat right now. Maybe you know, deep down, that no one else would understand.
And then you decide to move anyway because fuck her amirite
#amphibia#marcy wu#my posts#so like what if marcy moving away was a proper tragedy#what if things were WORSE for her#what if *smashes marcy with a ROCK*#i realized that.#despite my parents being shitty (just found out literaly today my mom had doctors give me the wrong treatment because she assumed my body#would react the same way as hers. instead of doing what literally every doctor told her to do. now i need to get it fixed)#they still asked me how I felt about moving away to a different province when in like. 8.#like. oh right. this is something parents generally ask their kids about. instead of uprooting their entire lives out of nowhere.#marcy's situation is complicated in a narrative sense because#in order for her arc to work her departure must be dictated by morally neutral forces outside of her control#but her parents' decision seems very shitty with the context we're given. you COULD give context that justified their actions#i.e have them explain that they really do need this if they want marcy to go to college or some shit like that#but then it stops being Marcy vs. Forces of Nature#and it becomes Marcy vs. Her Dad (and she has to accept he's right in this one)#the show is clearly for a Marcy vs. Forces of Nature conflict (in this case it's the inevitability of change)#and in order to keep the antagonistic force abstract you CAN'T have her dad be a proper character#BUT. as a consequence -> Marcy has to give into the ''#the ''natural order'' which would be accepting her parents' power over her as natural and inevitable#it's not even like... accepting her parents are right or anything. just that their o#that their complete control of the situation and marcy's total powerlessness is natural and inevitable#and that's tragic! from a more watsonian ñerspective#perspective* : Marcy is sent back to her shitty parents and she just needs to learn how to deal with it away from her support system#the solution imo would have been to change the motivation behind her family moving away so that it's outside her parents' control too#it really has to be completely inevitable. i can't think of an alternative reason but it's just what it#it's what would fix this problem imo#it's a simple fix really
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There are many interpretations of the. Miguel and Gabriella and Miguel situation ans ALL OF THEM ARE GREAT but like...have my 2 cents...just hear me out...
Miguel in canon is an asshole in a major way largely because of his abusive upbringing, getting Eldest Daughtered from a young age trying to take care of his younger brother and protect him from George's violence and Conchata's...indifference/contempt? And he starts getting better once he becomes Spiderman, or at least starts thinking more about the consequences of his actions, and what the people in his life mean to him (shit still goes bad because his comics are insane)
If dad!Miguel never became Spiderman...it's honestly pretty likely he doesn't have that bit of growth and honestly, wouldn't have been a great dad. Not abusive, but I can imagine him being kind of absent and kinda emotionally neglectful, seeing how Miguels everywhere are prone to distancing themselves. Miguel also can't keep a relationship, either by breaking up or Spiderman Branded Widowing, so Gabriella wouldn't have had a consistent mother figure.
Alright, so, Gabriella, here, is being raised by a dad with so much baggage and the belief that its better to just keep her away from it (ei, keep her away from him), no real mom/mom is always changing because of Miguel's turbulent love life, maybe her uncle (depending on. Stuff) and maybe her grandma (depending heavily on Stuff). This is a fragile environment that does love her, but ultimately the adults in her life have too much shit going on themselves to effectively tend to her and her needs, especially as she becomes a tween
But our Miguel.
Our Miguel has every reason to love her wholly and unapologetically. Because he has done some very questionable things to have this child, and he treasures every goddamn second. This is a privilege he has comprised his morals for, and he isn't taking it for granted like Gabriella's actual father.
Meanwhile, Gabriella's dad fucking vanishes one night and the guy who shows up looking close enough to fool adults, he's everything she wanted from her dad. He doesn't raise his voice, doesn't get curt. He doesn't have a new girlfriend every other month. He doesn't have this tense, confused look in his eye whenever he looks at her. The guilt is still there, but it's something else. Its not her dad not knowing how to be better. She doesn't know what it is, but has suspicions.
Her papa looks at her like he's finally figured out how to feel about her, like she's finally stopped being another responsibility or chore to tend to. This one loves her even when she needs help with homework, even when she gets in trouble at school, evening when puberty hormones make her temperamental.
Gabriella doesn't know what happened to the first one, and she never finds out. She just knows that there's something...wrong, with the man she calls Papa now, but he loves her the way she always wanted...so it's fine, right?
Miguel, for his part, sees himself teeter towards their parents. Sees himself have the thing he wants so badly, would do anything for, and skirt the line their parents crossed, their whole lives. And then, that other man with his face dies. Maybe someone else, maybe Miguel really did kill himself.
Either way.
A child gets a parent who loves them, a parent gets a child who they can love freely.
So, it's fine, right?
#TDLR; good!actual dad! Miguel is very fun and heartbreaking but consider Gabriella's OG dad being kind of shitty at being a dad#and Gabriella deciding to compartmentalize all her feelings about her og!dad and his disappearance because. the thing wearing his face?#it loves her so genuinely and carefully. the way she always wanted. so uncomplicated and tender and like shes the world to it#so its easier to pretend its her real dad and her real dad always loved her like this. and she never has to think about it#atsv#miguel o'hara#gabriella o’hara#atsv miguel#across the spiderverse#spiderverse#IDK MAN I JUST THINK. I JUST THINK— *shot by snipers*#Gabriella man. this poor girl. she had to have known. Jeff knew it was Miles because you know when your child hugs and says they love you#a child would know if it wasnt their parent hugging and saying they love them. she knew. do you think she was scared?#this poor fucking kid. her poor dad. her poor mimic dad. the poor kid mimic dad took it all out on.#this is like. this isnt generational trauma.#Miguel literally fucking invented interdimensional trauma. whag the fcu#spiderman 2099
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Part of me thinks that Ken would be fucking pissed at Akihiko for his pre-arena ghosting and break that man's legs, but another part of me thinks that Ken defiantly has 'child of divorce' brain and has already convinced himself that it's his fault.
#Junpei or Aigis has to go up to Akihiko post arena and be like “Hey man what you did was kinda fucked up you should apologise.”#and he's like “Damn you're right that was pretty shitty of me I should apologise”#and he has to go up to Ken like “Hey little buddy are you mad at me?”#and instead of something like “Yeah it made me a little upset :(”#Ken hits him with “No why would I be mad? Your best friend is dead because of me why would you want to be in my presence? :/”#And Akihiko has to stand there like “Oh no........”#persona#persona 3#p4au#Ken Amada#akihiko sanada#He defiantly thinks the divorce his parents had when he was an actual infant was his fault too
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silly little details i suppose but i love how diana’s room is a mixture of so many things like i’m truly obsessed with the way it didn’t end up just being a generic pink princess sort of bedroom with bare walls and no clutter and instead she’s got some castle-y snowglobe and a picture with an extra funky frame on her bedside table, a massive snake toy across her headboard and teddies and dolls and a fancy little vanity, tons of horse riding awards and pictures she’s drawn hung on the walls and i just love how real it is to be honest
#space on that unit thing for adam to win her a big fuckoff animal teddy at the fair nd lawrence to put it on there at dianas request. just a#little thought whatever#say what you want about her parents but they love her#scratch that say what you want about lawrence any tongue that rises against alison will fall. btw#maybe its because i had to have a pretty pink bedroom as a kid nd hated it but it’s just fun to me that shes so fleshed out like its kinda#insane when you think about it#same way you see adams whole apartment nd the details go crazy#lawrences study office whatever w that massive picture of him holding diana makes me want to cry. shitty husband but he really does love his#kid it has to be said#thinking now about all the rooms we see#or dont see#i just know the alison lawrence bedroom was in shambles. this 🤏 far away from separate beds#not that theres anything wrong w that but in their case. well you know#📹
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tbh when mitski said “you’re my best friend/now i’ve no one to tell/how i lost my best friend”
#my freshman year of college my best friend and I were both a wreck#and on opposite sides of the country#during winter break I made the decision to share certain information with their parents bc I was actively concerned for their safety#they were deeply upset about me betraying their trust like that and asked for a break in our friendship#(a few months later (which happened to be early March 2020. lol) they did shrooms and realized they wanted to talk to me again lmao)#(so we talked and cried and now we’re still best friends almost 4 years later)#and my birthday is in january so it fell right in the middle of the period we weren’t talking#and my friends at school actually put together a really lovely party and it remains to this day the best bday party ive had#(most of my bdays have been sad and shitty lol)#but i just remember being drunk in my friends dorm room with my friends all around me#it was the end of the night people were just kinda chatting in little groups or whatever#and i was lying on my friends bed just miserable bc all I could think about was how my best friend was supposed to be there too#bc my parents were going to fly them out for the weekend as a present#and obviously that just got dropped#and id been talking to my friends about it kind of but all I wanted was my actual best friend#I left them a very embarrassing drunk voicemail that THANK GOD they deleted without listening to#but it’s just. the quiet agony of being angry and sad and hurt because your person doesn’t want to be ur person anymore#and still wanting to talk to them about it. still needing them to comfort you and give you their advice and insights#i don’t want to talk to anyone else about it. they’re not you.#sigh. anyway. ive actually lost several close friends for various reasons ranging from reasonable to bullshit#and it always blindsides me how much I want to talk to THEM about it#so thanks mitski for expressing that so artfully#op
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idk since i made that post earlier i've just been thinking about all the ways adults were weird and shitty to me because i was gender-nonconforming as a kid. because i MIGHT grow up to be a lesbian or, worse, transgender. and how much it sucked to figure out my identity under those conditions -- where every adult i'd ever met had already figured out What I Was and hated me for it, and i had no idea. idk it's just sad. i'm sorry baby izzy went through that.
#like. i identified as a 'tomboy' until i was. fuckin. 14.#i had no clue i was gay or trans. i just knew people didn't like me because i wasn't Being A Girl The Right Way.#so when i started to realize i was actually gay and trans. it was doubly humiliating.#like. hey! yall were right! you got me! are you happy now! do you want a medal!#i mean. other kids were also weird and shitty to me for being gnc. but they didn't know any better.#there were so many full-grown adults though. who hated my fucking guts for it. especially friends' parents oh my god.#i had. MULTIPLE friends in elementary school whose parents deliberately sabotaged our friendship because they thought i was a bad influence#and i can promise you it wasn't because of anything i actually did wrong. i was a stellar student and extremely polite and well-behaved.#idk just sucks! just. sad.#i hope it's a little better for gnc kids now.#i'm sure it depends a lot on environment and specific families and their belief systems but. yeah. sighs.#izzy.txt
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Reminder that Senju was raised mainly by Haruchiyo and he knows her enough to predict her movements:
Still not over the fact that for all his mockery and his condescendent behaviour with Senju, he acknowledges how strong she is and even expresses his "dissapointment" when she doesn't meet his expectations.
#damn takeomi really was shitty as a brother and caretaker#i mean what can you expect from a man that abandoned his little sister in favour of brothels and casinos until he was drowning in debts#senju was a saint for still taking him in her gang and trusting him like nothing happened#seriously we should've seen more of these two#hope the next spin-off its about the akashi siblings because there's just so much to uncover#sanzu and senju's relationship clearly has a lot of layers and their story runs deeper than the manga showed#haruchiyo carried the weight of a duty that no child should ever have (all because takeomi was too self-conceited to care)#he was forced to be a parent for senju when he was just a child like her#and imagine senju's thoughts in all this mess#the kind of bond she must've had with sanzu before he cut ties with them#he wasn't just a brother to her he was also her parent#he was her everything and then he abandoned her#just like takeomi did#senju was dumped by both her brothers because they chose someone/something else over her#and she had to live on knowing that#for takeomi she kinda expected it#but for sanzu? the one who actually looked after her and she thought he cared?#oh she must've been HURT with that#senju kawaragi#sanzu haruchiyo#akashi haruchiyo#akashi takeomi#akashi siblings#akashi senju#tokyo revengers#tokyo revengers headcanons#tokyo manji gang#kanto manji gang#tokyo rev headcanons
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I was thinking about the fact that it's very funny that my parents had more problems with me being atheist than with me being queer.
Like:
"Sure hon, you have a weird perception of your gender and you could possibly bring home women, men or everything in-between... fine, love is love we will take you to the pride and stuff ^w^. BUT WHAT ABOUT JESUS CHRIST HUH?????"
And when I say they had 'more problems' I mean they were like "ow... so you won't come to church on Sundays with us anymore? At least the holidays?🥺"
like idk it's so funny to me
#sometimes I gotta acknowledge the fact that I'm lucky#if my catholic parents were bigoted I would have had such a shitty childhood and adolescence#I mean adolescence sucked anyway#but it could have been so much worse with shitty parents#steel rambles#also lol I forget how much having been a religious person influenced me?#like lmao “local tumblr user discovers that going to church for 15 years every sunday influenced them in some way”#but like not in a negative way#just in weird ways#funny ways?#like I read the bible thrice in my life#once because I wanted to know the story in general and the book I had was full of pretty pictures so nice#I've always been curious about religions an myths anyway#the second I was 13 and I was proving a point#yes I read the bible to win an argument#one about lesbians never being demonized or even cited in the bible#the third time I read just the apocalypse because it was cool and I wanted to impress a girl with cool references...#“local tumblr user tried to impress a girl with cool quotes from the apocalypse” you can laugh but I have no regrets#I also “complained” to God a lot lool#like dude if you actually exist I'm so sorry for the 15 years of gossips and complaining you had to endure#like idk for example my teacher was being unfair?#me mentally: “see God? see what I have to put up with??? like I can't belive she said that!!!!”#I treated God like an imaginary friend or something I think? am I being blasphemus??#ahahshjshdhfhg
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Mandy's father is certainly right in some regards when he says that Mandy and her mother are very similar people - they are both strong-willed women who want things to go their way. But the only reason why her dad sees that as the defining trait of both is that he spends so much time being SitcomDad and avoiding conflict with the women in his life. If you look at it from a different perspective, it's very clear that they are not similar at all. They go about getting their way in very different ways - I have not seen Mandy be anywhere near as manipulative, judgemental and just straight-up backstabbing as her mother. But since the father wants to avoid confrontation above all, that doesn't make a difference. Fair or unfair, reasonable or manipulative, principled or impulsive, all he sees is an angry woman who needs to be placated.
The way her mother treats Mandy has been consistently horrible from the beginning while Mandy has not been similarly horrible to the people in her life - most notably, she has been the only one who has given Missy some respect and has even mentored her when the older women in her own family have only neglected her, especially once she became a teen. Mandy does not pass the emotional abuse she receives on to the only younger woman in her family. Also she has been right to try and put some distance between herself and her mother and is only tolerating this treatment at the moment because she doesn't have any other options, which is a pretty shitty situation to be in. She's handling it as well as can be expected (aka not well), and with almost zero support from the people around her. She certainly can't depend on the spineless and two-faced men in her family, though I have at least some hope that she can establish a better relationship pattern with Georgie. But if she can, it will be almost entirely due to her insistence on it, because while he is willing to live up to his financial obligations to his family and is certainly a hard-working guy who cares for his wife and kid, he likes to go the path of least resistance in arguments just as much as his father-in-law.
#if they keep living with mandy's parents in the spin-off i won't watch it#for the sake of my blood pressure i canNOT cope with more of that#young sheldon#mandy mcallister#the whole 'baptising ceecee behind mandy's back' thing was so SO shitty. of both grandmothers!#the only reason why mandy isn't mad forever about this is that 1) she's not that religious and 2) she depends on the grandparents#which she doesn't even WANT#can you imagine if someone had one of mary's kids baptised catholic behind her back? she'd take them to court!#...except she wouldn't bc the statute of limitations for shitty behaviour is 20 minutes on this show#...because sitcom#anyway free my girl and all
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AHHHHHH
#this post brought to you by: me#i. applied for a preapproval letter for a mortgage yesterday. and spoke to a realtor to start finding me houses#i want to move several states away which further complicated things. but the houses there are CHEAP#like under 100k for a 2 bedroom move in ready#anyways i got approved for 80k with a 20k down payment. and im FREAKING THE FUCK OUT#and because i got that pre app letter i have a loan officer calling me today to talk#and we literally work at the same bank so i can SEE that hes active and hasnt read my message#even though its been 45 minutes. KEVIN MESSAGE ME BACK. IM NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FOCUS UNTIL I DO THIS CALL#AHHHHHHH S C R E A M. it might happening!!!! i might be finally.mov8ng out in a few months!!!#i mgiht be a HOMEOWNER by the end of the year#i have been saving money for this since i was. 16? 17?#ive had a good well paying job since i was 18.#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#once i have a house then i start job searching in that area. and start getting really serious about LEAVING my very good job#which is soooo scary. this job was supposed to be my lifelong career. but then everyone fucking moved to other states and left me behind#so theres no point staying here.#i might never have this kind of job security again.#but also my realtor said that theres a lot of bank jobs in that area so maybe itll be easy to find something#on the fence on if i tell my parents that im Making Moves right now#on one hand its hard to not talk about it becuae im STRESSED TF OUT#but on the other hand when i tentatively mentioned the state i want to move to#richard started yelling and swearing el oh el#might be better to wait and avoid the tension as long as possible?#but also i dont know how they can stay angry when its literally my best option#the other places where my friends live either have 0 opportunity and high housing prices. or are even moe liberal than where im going#idk. why do half of my problems come down to “my parents will be mad” like im a 12 year old or something. shit fucking sucks#this is why i want to get out of here#also it feels weird and bad to talk to my friends about how stressed i am about buying a house when all of them are stressed about#not being able to make rent or something. my problems feel like a brag in a really odd and shitty way. but hey!#if this works out maybe ill start being stressed about how im going to make my mortgage payments! :') yay!
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#“would you still love me-”“who said i loved you”#“we literally just had an indepth conversation about how i would take your cat if you died and the plan was that was gonna fake being#your secret gay lover to your mother because she already thinks we've been fucking for the past 8 years#and wouldnt bat an eye if i said that and we had this whole bit where youd buy me A RING-“#do i also have to mention you just stuck your hand in my pants because you think the rips in them are egregiously big and think they#shouldnt be considered pants just to prove a point and yet you cant believe that people think it looks good#even as a drunk guy got a little touchy and complimented said “pants” in front of you#but tbf i did wear them because i knew itd elicit a reaction because last time you did the same exact thing#except it was in front of the person you were dating at the time who was sandwiched between us in a shitty sportsbar booth#which you know was something alright.#you know what i have to shut up#guys never get a codepent homoerotic friendship from highschool because you heal from the codependency as adults#but the homoeroticism and all the baggage it carries still chugs along#whats it like not having a guy being really excited to show you how they wooed their partner which was this spinny pin maneuver#by demonstrating it on you WHILE SAID PARTNER WATCHED and being very adamant that you can imagine it you dont need to actually show it on-#but he REALLY wants to do it and you could never really say no to him and you have to suck up your pride and get fucking pinned to a wall#at his parents place BECAUSE ITS HIS MOTHERS BIRTHDAY BECAUSE THIS WAS THE PARTY HE WANTED TO SHOW OFF HIS PARTNER TO HIS FOLKS#you know what i have to actually shut up like actually
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anyways sometimes i wonder if i'm meant to be connected with people. don't get me wrong i appreciate my friends, but like my quality of life wouldn't go down too much if i hadn't met them. i like digging information out of people. they lose a lot of appeal once i know too much about them. i don't really have any kind of interest in pursuing any kind of relationship with people, romantic or platonic. i could take people or leave them. dunno
#they're playing ahead by a century on the radio and it's great#i love the colour of that one. it's pretty much just a night sky. the instrumentals are a dark blue and the white stars#and his voice is a lovely green that makes me think of the northern lights#i know i talk shit but i don't think i could leave canada for good#might head further north eventually but i'll stay in the country#dunno i got some synesthesia that only shows up sometimes or some shit idfk man#though rn i am bitching about none of them understanding the situation from our (mine and my brothers) side#like yeah i know you guys have jobs.#are you trying to search for one for yourself?#while helping your parents business because if that goes under we're ROYALLY fucked?#while worrying about a buddy of yours genuinely going missing?#i'll b real he was a huge help by the end of that job once everyone else who liked me left#anyways#no? none of those apply? then shut the fuck up about us getting the dates wrong. we gave#god fucking dammit im trying to type and hit the wrong button im going to fucking make a bed with the fishes#yes we got the dates mixed up. cope. bitch. we have actual real life problems to deal with.#sorry our shit got in the way of your plans. i guess. still don't see why i had to apologise but maybe im just a genuinely shitty person#one self centered motherfucker#anyways thats my word vomit for the night. might delete l8r. dunno
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why didnt we get dehya to be our guide??? How would Collei would have helped us in the desert?? That would have been the best moment for a kaeya and dehya introduction we didn’t even get anything special from kaeya and collei meeting
#*Quickly dialing dehya number from a ring phone!*#“COME OVER QUICK!!”#let the brown two alcoholic with shitty parents meet!!#Where is the brown ppl unite?? Empower them??#Do you think kaeya feel like that last brown human sometimes because everyone is do white in mond?#Remmber when it was 1.0 and kaeya alone was carrying all the melanin rep on his shoulders?#What a tangent i just had but dehya#genshin impact#kaeya#Dehya#Collei act like she didn’t almost murder kaeya in the manga because they retconned the manga#I had like 0.3% faith they will still have unique something but well
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Happy dead dad day!
#my dad died 3 years ago today#I have a lot of complicated thoughts about my dad and have spent the past year very angry at him#but i miss him so much and not a day goes by that i don't wish he was still here#part of grief is allowing yourself to feel everything you feel about the person you've lost#my dad did a lot of shitty things and let me believe horrible things about my mother for 11 years#until after he died my mom finally defended herself because she didn't want me to hate my dad while he was alive#and i don't hate him. ive never hated him#but i think back on my childhood and the trauma his untreated mental illness inflicted on all of us#that no one outside of our house knew about#he was bipolar and had DID and was probably also autistic#i was terrified of my father until i was about 16. but i love him and loved him then#the amount of shit he put us all through and especially my mother. who stayed with him because he was her soulmate and also#would likely have killed himself if she left. he threatened to kill her on multiple occasions#we weren't allowed to walk home after school even though it's only about a mile to the school from my house#i realized after he died that its because my mother did not trust him to be home alone with us for our safety#all the adults in our life thought we were just lazy fat kids who couldn't walk a mile#and i think thats the hardest#people thought so negatively about is because they didn't know what we went through on a daily basis#his own family has his memory on a pedestal when they didn't even live with him during childhood#he lived with his grandma and they all lived with their mom#and they get mad if we say ANYTHING negative about him#YOU DIDN'T KNOW HIM YOU DON'T EVEN BELIEVE HE SUFFERED FROM D.I.D. EVEN THOUGH IT WAS DIAGNOSED!#anyways rest in peace to my chevy impala that the transmission died while driving from the hospital to see him#because he was in a coma. for the 3rd time that year#dead dad club#parental loss#grief
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Cluemaster: Hey, bro, I know I never call...
Kiteman: You did drunk call me that one time.
Cluemaster: I already said I was sorry for spreading around that you were in love with your kite and calling you to brag about it. As you said I was hella drunk and angry your weird ass podcast somehow now has the same level of fans as my old gameshow. Who the fuck cares that much about kites? Or C list vilany?
Kiteman: Did you just call to remind me why I hate you?
Cluemaster: Of course not, Chucky boy, your my favorite lil bro.
Kiteman: Arthur... I'm your only brother.
Cluemaster: Yeah? You're still my favorite.
Kiteman: Okay. Fine. What do you want?
Cluemaster: You're good with kids right?
Kiteman: Oh do you want me to babysit little Steph? I haven't see her since she was a baby! That'll be soo much fun!
Cluemaster: Oh, no, no. She is too old for a babysitter. I kindda called 'cause I need your advice.
Kiteman: Sure. Go on.
Cluemaster: How would you stop a prank war between your teen daugther and your bussiness partner that happens to be living at your house?
Kiteman: Woah. Define prank war?
Cluemaster: Like they just being annoying with each other... like non-stop Shrek music and painting one of her walls green?
Kiteman: Are you working with a child, Artie?
Cluemaster: No. Childrem are not really good at puzzle robberies.
Kiteman: So who the hell is in a prank war with your fourteen year old daugther? Is it that Polka Dot weirdo?
Cluemaster: ... Riddler.
Kiteman: Be honest, Arthur.
Cluemaster: I am!
Kiteman: Why the fuck would he work with you? Didn't he like was brought on to one of your trials and tried to sue you for being a copycat?
Cluemaster: No idea. I don't really remember all my trials.
Kiteman: Fair. Still isn't he like an actual treat? Like Batman actually tries to be always involved in his crimes instead of just sending a Robin or a cop kindda treat? Or hangs out with Cooblepot and Harley Quinn and fucking Catwoman and even Scarecrow and Joker kindda treat?
Cluemaster: Yes, so what?
Kiteman: He is waaay above your league. How the fuck do you got him to work with you?
Cluemaster: He is working for me because he recognizes my genius.
Kiteman: *sarcasm* Yeah, sure. At least it explains why I've been hearing that your plans don't totally suck anymore.
Cluemaster: Will you help me or not?
Kiteman: Anything for little Steph. But seriusly bro, the guy is a mentally instable killer, he is real Arkham loonie, A-lister and all this shit are you sure is safe to have him living with you? Specially if he and Stephanie are fighting!? She is just a kid! What if this prank war thing escalates and next thing she is in saw type death trap or something?
Cluemaster: Well than help me not to! I can't just kick him out, do you know how much I've been proffiting later?
Kiteman: And also he is an instable killer that used to hate you and wouldn't react well to being kicked out?
Cluemaster: Yeah, this too. Look I think you're overestimating the guy. He is smart and all and he can take a punch but I could take him out real easy in a one on one. He screamed like a little girl when he found a roach in the kitchem. I think I'll be fine.
Kiteman: Sure, you do you.... Maybe.... you could just.... help them find something they have in common? A TV show they like or something. It used yo work with us. They will bond over the thing and forget they hate each other for a bit.
Cluemaster: See was it that hard to help me?
*Chuck hangs up*
[Three months later]
Cluemaster: Chuck! I need help!
Kiteman: Can you call in another time? I'm bowlling with the guys, Calendar Man and Condiment King cannot win a second time, one weird rap about their love conquering all was ENOUGHT.
Cluemaster: Is about the whole prank war between Nygma and Stephanie thing.
Kiteman: Oh. So I guess my advice didn't work.
Cluemaster: No, no, it did. It worked way to well actually.
Kiteman: *worried* That sounds bad.
Cluemaster: Yeah... it happened that the thing they had in common was that they really hate me.
#this might be the start of a brown family au#because i have a lot of feelings about them#for me kiteman is actually a pretty chill down to earth guy besides the whole kite crimes thing#and instead of the tragic backstory were his kid died in the dumbest riddler plan ever#he just always wanted to have a family but he is too akward and has some nd coding and didn't had the chance yet#so he wants to bond with steph because she is his niece and all#but he and arthur don't have a good or stable relationship and he haven't been there for steph and she doesn't even know about him#so he is just afraid of talking to her#he and arthur started fighting because their parents divorced when they were 13/15 and they stayed with different parents#also while i preffer charlie a lot Cluemaster is a B Lister here while Kiteman is a C/D Lister#Kiteman is friends with all Gotham C-listers with the exception of Polka Dot Man because they just don't hang in the same places#they have some misinformation about each other and think the other is a freak but they would be pals if they meet#cluemaster hangs with b listers and non gothamite c listers#chuck actually got relieved after the last bit cause he imagine grooming or steph becaming a killer or smt real bad#he actually likes Riddler a bit after that because sibbling rivalry and because he is starting to realize Arthur is a shitty dad#Eddie did try to sue Arthur in Arthur's first trial#he was called to testimony why Arthur shouldn't go to Arkham and it was when he discovered that you can't copyright a criminal mo#it was also his first time on trial cause some rogues are considered unfit to stand trial and he is one of them#riddler#edward nygma#stephanie brown#arthur brown#cluemaster#kiteman#chuck brown#cheatday is @sillymanwithocs ship I'm just borowing it
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