#Because I hate when I'm trying to draw a character I bought and I can't tell what colors they even ARE

[bookfangeek]

OHOUUUUU I FORGOT I CAN POST THESE TWO!!

Although they’re TECHNICALLY not a set, as one is an adopt and one is a design custom, the one on the bottom was ordered specifically to go with the one on the top so they’re a set now! >D</)

TWO! WHOLE! DAINTIES! A cockatrice and a cockatrice’s one weakness: a weasel.

Both bases are by Pajuxi! Both characters are Dainties!

✧ REBLOG to make the weasel’s sword pointier. ✧

[wutheringmights]

I wanted to read one last book to close out the year, so I shopped through my bookshelf for a small little novel I could read in a few days and ended up pulling out my copy of The Catcher In The Rye by J.D. Salinger (CITR).

I never read CITR in high school. My AP teacher had the privilege of being able to assign us non-state standard readings and took full advantage of it. And in college, professors just assume you've already been forced to read it. But, nope. Not me.

I actually bought my copy many years ago from Goodwill when I lived in [redacted city], then proceeded to forget about it until now. I only mention this because my copy is apparently the UK edition and doesn't have so much as a synopsis on the back. So beyond knowing a little bit about the misinterpreted poem scene and that everyone HATES Holden Caulfield, I had no idea what this book was even about.

And... holy fuck.

This book is AMAZING.

At first, I just thought it was funny. I was enjoying how much of a shit head Holden is, and all the ways he is such a teenager. He's insightful, but draws some of the dumbest conclusions you have ever seen. He thinks he's so suave and cool, and it's so clear that everyone thinks he's a loser. He wants so badly to be thought well of by his peers while not respecting any of them. I love how Salinger writes his narration, how he branches off into little anecdotes about barely related topics.

But at some point, I just got so sad for him. I'm not sure where exactly it hit me, but at some point you can't help but see how tragic he is. He truly is in so much pain and has no idea how to process any of it. He's traumatized and has been failed by every adult in his life. No one is helping him.

But for a character that has such a reputation for being a manipulative man, he really does seem like a child who is scared to grow up. I was surprised to find out that the titular catcher in the rye monologue was about wanting to protect the innocence of other kids. With the way people discuss this kid, you would think he was conspiring to kill, well, John Lennon.

By the end of the story, when he's with Phoebe at the carousel and he's feeling happy for once in his life, I was crying (or as Holden would say, that killed me).

I then proceeded to spend the next twenty minutes staring at the ceiling, just trying to make sense of it all.

It's such a shame that this novel has been so thoroughly marred by its controversy. I tried to talk to my sister about it afterwards, and she just got really hung up about how she always thought Holden Caulfied was a "psycho" and "one-step away from being a school shooter."

Which, no? Did we even read the same book? Are we still talking about the same kid? He's a brat, but he's not out there to hurt anyone one.

I'm not sure how I would have felt about this book had I actually read it in high school. On one hand, I had a hefty respect for classics when I was a teen and would never dare claim that any one of them is terrible or stupid (except The Great Gatsby). But on the other, I think that a teacher that tried to teach this novel as Holden being a character who has profound thoughts and sees through the veneer of polite society (like apparently how it was taught to my brother)... I mean, I would have believed it but adult me certainly doesn't agree.

This book definitely lays a blueprint for Robert Cormier's entire catalogue, and I was obsessed with his books in junior high. So I probably would have inevitably liked CITR.

I'm glad I waited until now to read it. Teenage me wouldn't have understood everything in it. Older and (hopefully) wiser me does, and she will defend Holden Caulfield with her life.

[tribow]

The Skullgirls censorship discourse is getting increasingly annoying to see because so many people are treating it with zero nuance.

They either treat it with everything that was censored is good or everything that was censored is bad.

Like obviously attempting to censor the nazi imagery and fanservice of underage characters is nothing but a good thing. But I have my criticisms.

That one Big Band scene being removed was very unnecessary, lessens the impact of his motivations and wasn't even racist contextually. Some of the attempts at re-coloring Filia's panties in alternate palettes to draw less attention to them makes it slightly worse imo. Adding more tentacles to censor the skin reveal of Double's captives looks more horny than what it was originally. Cerebela's clothes not being torn when Double pins her against a wall makes the defeat less impactful; they did have a whole fight beforehand. The removal of concept art seems strange as that art isn't even easily viewable in-game (right?).

Ah but unless I voice my criticisms/displeasure with the censorship some loud people will mark me as a pedophile or a nazi unless I fully explain every issue I have.

But on the other hand, if I defend certain changes I DO agree with I'm suddenly labeled as supportive of censorship of all kinds. I'm against artistic integrity now.

Look, Skullgirls is very commonly seen as some horny game for immature people, which isn't a good look for what is also one the best fighting games ever made with really cool original characters too. The dev's decision to try to reduce inappropriate sexual themes and remove itself from hate speech is a good decision. I may disagree with some of their methods, but it's not like they're removing the mature themes present in the game.

Besides, it's STILL Skullgirls, one of the best fighting games ever made. Everyone leaving negative reviews aren't even real fans. I completely agree with the devs hiding those reviews. NO ONE bought this game because Big Band had a voiceline hitting on his opponent (who could be a child). NO ONE bought this game because of the nazi imagery. NO ONE bought this game for the concept art. YOU SHOULD feel stupid if you left a negative review for Skullgirls just because of this update.

Ah but unless I write a whole essay I can't criticise the censorship either. Ugh.

[philcoulsonismyhero]

Okay, so I need to expand my convention stall print selection as a matter of vague urgency because my current stuff is reaching the end of its useful lifespan (the joys of a small con scene and a lot of familiar faces in the customers who've already bought all they're going to buy), so

The current mile long to-draw list for the sake of creating some accountability (bolded are the most immediate priority):

Kirk, Spock, probably also McCoy

The rest of the Trek captains from the shows I've watched (Picard, Sisko, Janeway, Archer, Pike, Burnham?? I haven't gotten far enough in Discovery for her to be captain yet but I'm assuming she is eventually)

Assorted other popular Trek characters, eventually (if you've got suggestions, Please let me know, there's 500 of these people and narrowing it down is hard)

Luke, Leia, Han

I Really can't be bothered but I know Maul, Dooku, Sidious and Vader would be popular so eventually I'm just going to have to suck it up and draw some characters I hate

Something clone troopers (I have it on good authority that there's basically no merch for clone fans)

Torchwood team (portraits, like the Doctors print I've already got)

14th and 15th Doctor (or whatever they're called) to update Doctors print

NuWho companions? At least Rose, Martha, Donna, Amy, Clara, Bill

9th Doctor, Rose and Jack group shot

Something Hot Fuzz

Something Kingsman (Eggsy and Galahad, probably)

Something Pacific Rim (currently thinking maybe three somethings? Newt & Hermann, Mako & Raleigh, Pentecost and the cancelling the apocalypse line)

Judge Dredd and Anderson from Dredd

All nine of the Fellowship of the Ring, brown paper, which is going to take forever but should be worth it because they're all popular and also I love them all, probably eventually also Eowyn and Faramir and Bilbo

The daft local in-joke Nazghul thing (there's this mounted statue of Wellington in Glasgow that always has a traffic cone on its head so I'm redrawing it as a Nazghul because I think that's funny)

Something Firefly

Roy Kent, because I've got a Ted Lasso and he's the main character people are always asking after

Something DnD movie?

And probably a dozen other things but that's enough for now

I'm trying to mainly stick to old, established fandoms and movies/series that I genuinely like that are cult-classic-y enough that they're consistently popular, because I'm fed up of how quickly The Current Popular Thing fades these days. I've done well out of drawing stuff that'll appeal to the Queer Cartoon-Watching Teens, but they're a fickle audience and getting less reliable so time to target the staple fandoms instead.

And then there's also the other list which is stuff that's mostly for my own entertainment but will probably do decently well, just not enough to be a priority right now:

A few more RWBY characters on coloured paper to expand that set (at least Penny, Nora, Ren, Jaune, Oscar)

A DCTV Flash and Reverse Flash pair of prints on red and yellow paper respectively

Something Rivers of London

An updated set of brown paper FMA art

Arcane stuff (will be higher priority when the next season is closer, but for now no one is paying it any attention)

The trio from The Marvels

Eda, Luz, King and Hooty group shot (this one should probably be on the other list, but it's down here for now because I've already got Owl House prints and right now I need to go for breadth of fandoms rather than expanding within what I've already got)

That Captain America set of four with limit colours idea that I've had for ages (Steve, Bucky, Sam, Peggy)

More brown paper Jedi (current top of the list are Aayla Secura, Shaak Ti)

A print of the main duo from The Untamed (got badges already)

Etc etc

Can you see why I never get anything done, too-many-choices choice paralysis is A Nightmare

The current plan is to start with the Star Trek stuff, because that's going to be portraits and I can do those in my sleep. If I can get Kirk and Spock done, that's a solid start. The Torchwood team print is also small portraits, so that's potentially doable as well, and a good shout for my next event since it's an 18+ evening con so the audience will be a bit different to usual. (I'm intrigued about this con, I don't know how it's going to go, but the idea of an adults-only event where artists can sell All their stuff rather than sticking to kid-friendly is a good one even if that's not going to affect my own stock at all. Shame it's the same weekend and in the same city as a big established con that I got wait-listed for which I'm still mad about because I Kinda Need The Money, but what can you do.)

I've got that con the weekend after next which means I've got until Monday night at the latest to get things finished if I want them with the print shop by Tuesday morning. Then I can work on the two extra Doctors and maybe some companions, because those will be badges and I make those myself. And that's as far in the future as it's worth thinking right now, let's just take this a couple of weeks at a time and maybe my brain will stop stalling over having too much to do and no way to narrow it down

[justanothersxf]

Thinking about floriography and how Yor's brother was done really dirty by the anime committee, and how most fans probably can't care because "lol it's Yuri no one gaf and he deserves it tbh," but I like flowers and their subtle meanings and implications are important to me (personally), and I do enjoy rereading this manga and rediscovering little details that wind up adding to a bigger whole picture.

So I have to ramble about it somewhere in full or else I'm gonna lose it.

Yuri, as a character, was created to be Yor's pushy but well-meaning brother and ultimately got mixed together with "Twilight's pursuer" who would be trying to catch him as a spy. Even according to the editorial note, he was originally conceived as a pleasant young man, with Lin saying he requested Yuri to be "[Yor's] likeable little brother".

(This is thrown together for the sake of brevity:)

This decision gives him solid story connections to both Yor and Loid's characters: for Yor, he's integral to the foundation of her character in a protective caretaker role; and for Loid, he serves as a direct foil and mirror that can match his wits as Twilight, as he becomes further compromised by his family. So initially, Endo and Lin were struggling to strike a balance between "protective younger brother" and "undercover cop".

Endo's solution to striking this balance was to make Yuri into a siscon that believes everything his sister tells him, even when she says something that bolsters Loid's cover, and this is the gag Endo defaults to for him when after running out of material. (As a personal aside, I think being a ranking SSS officer should have been enough in and of itself to make him unsympathetic to readers, but alas.) But even in his first full appearance, he wasn't fully set to hating Loid and actually initially planned on congratulating his sister for getting married to a good guy like his first calls implied he wanted for her.

Immediately after this interrogation, he sets out to buy a bouquet of flowers to congratulate his sister on her marriage. But the flowers he purchased are interesting to me, because Endo kept them very consistent in his initial appearances.

He bought phalaenopsis, also known as moth orchids. And all white moth orchids, at that.

It's such a specific, particular thing to choose to draw over and over again for so many of the panels during his visit, and to even reuse them for his volume cover. Why would Endo pick this flower over any other one?

Typically, phalaenopsis are some of the most expensive flowers you can get because they're priced high per stem and difficult to grow. They're also popular as formal gifts for auspicious occasions, but again the largest varieties can get quite expensive. A huge bouquet of them is not for someone on a tight budget. White phalaenopsis are also often used as flowers in wedding bouquets for a bride. (Additionally, the white variety typically mean "purity" in Japanese floriography. But that's neither here nor there.)

Knowing this, Yuri truly seems like he was ready to sincerely celebrate his sister's marriage (at least until he thought about it a little during his walk to their apartment). During his prior interrogation he did appear as if he was genuinely excited both to see his sister and to meet her husband. I can't fully buy the idea that he wanted to have total control over who she decided to marry, even if I can agree that he definitely wanted to get a say in it. Because despite telling her in their call that he'd vet the guy to make sure she wasn't getting duped (which...lol), his curiosity about the man she told him she was seeing was unremarkable until he heard from their mutual acquaintance that she was married.

But back to the orchids, the high price of his phalaenopsis bouquet in particular is interesting to me because it means Yuri went out of his way to purchase a steep gift for Yor. When he talks about his childhood with Yor, he hones in on how they barely had money to get by and Yor had to work herself bloody for his sake.

And later on when he appears again to tutor Anya, he mentions that he hated how useless and burdensome he felt for not being able to help Yor, something that consistently gets brought up more and more by him throughout the manga.

(Disclaimer: I am not saying that Endo planned all of these later moments out but rather that he was able to expand on the foundation he set for Yuri's initial character in a very convincing way by writing these moments after the fact.)

So it's very easy to reason that Yuri took a high paying job in a position of power over the average citizen not just to repay his sister for all she did for him, but also to compensate for his own perceived weakness and show off how much stronger and more successful he is in the present. The expensive bouquet becomes a subtle way of emphasizing this trait, another piece that adds to his overall character.

It ends up highlighting his insecurity that gets more fleshed out later on, fueled further by Loid's apparent perfection compared to Yuri himself (which is why we get chapters like M68 where Yuri's externally seething about it).

That said, there's no doubt that the anime adaptation went the opposite direction and leaned way harder into that siscon trait of his introduction. And it's really apparent that while the anime team plays favorites, Yuri's definitely not one of them. One piece of evidence for this is that in the anime, the bouquet he brings is changed to a large bunch of roses, and god is it such a downgrade.

Unless they're Juliet Roses, on the whole, roses are much cheaper to buy than moth orchids, in fact they tend to be some of the cheaper expected flowers to put into a big fancy bouquet. (At the very least, anime!Yuri's roses seem to be long stem roses and not spray roses.) So the anime loses the detail of him spending an exorbitant amount of his paychecks on high-end gifts for his sister as repayment for raising him.

But even worse than the subtle erasure was a more overt message that the change brought as well. Roses have a different yet very clear connotation from moth orchids. Just about anyone can pick up on it, too: worldwide, roses are seen as a symbol of love, often in a romantic sense. They're very popular gifts for couples even on ordinary, common occasions, due in part to how cheap they can be.

So the anime team drew even more attention to his siscon flaw and arguably made it even worse, since the average viewer will see a big bouquet of roses from him to his sister and immediately connect it to inappropriate romantic feelings, making his first impression even more unlikeable than it already was initially. The only half-acceptable reason I can think of for them making this change other than emphasizing that tasteless joke is something along the lines of "perhaps they thought that flying red petals would be more visually striking in the ending chaos".

So yeah I think it's a shame to lose out on that detail overall, but it's even more upsetting that the anime team doubled down on making the worst impression possible for someone who is so integral to the Forgers and the overall story (while whitewashing the true insignificant fraud of the recurring cast but that's another post for another day).

I probably sound pedantic for writing so much about this, but floriography and the potential meanings and reasonings behind using certain flowers in a story is very interesting to me. Flowers (and not just roses) are a noticeable motif for Yor, and since Yuri is the one who is still "Briar" I think it's fair to extend a bit of that consideration towards his character as well. Especially since it was a detail that was kept so deliberately consistent for his early appearances. What a shame that most other adaptations use the anime as their main reference instead and now even Endo is becoming influenced more by it too, seeing how he's drawing Yuri with roses more.

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

first grade

my youngest is in first grade

which means I'm able to access my inner first grader

my inner seven year old very well

my teacher was named Mrs. Hart

and she was so grumpy to everyone

especially to me because I was likely bizarre

but during all my detentions for losing things

or having a messy desk or talking or not paying attention

we'd have the best talks and I slowly grew on her

I also started piano that year

my teacher for that was also named Mrs. Hart

I was not good at the piano and never became so

when it was time for pictures I had a grey front tooth

and my mother was always one who valued

my aesthetics over literally anything else

she had been very good at softball as a teenager

and I'd never been coordinated enough for anything

but video games and art

so when she invited me to play with her

I agreed because a child always wants to play

with a willing and present parent

and since her very inconsistent and hard won approval

was impossible to obtain being myself

or anything I was actually talented or good at

maybe this was a chance to finally make her happy

she threw that ball hard enough at my face

it knocked out my front tooth

but it wasn't hard enough to give me a fat lip

almost impressive how calculated that must have been

she was never good for thinking unless it was

to fuck someone else over to get what she wanted

without just trying to obtain it for herself

no wonder I looked for it in all my partners

it's the bitterness that hurts

that festering anger I forced down after

years of being treated like that turned into acid

and my heart tries to freeze up

so I don't have to feel it

enmeshment with someone who always

saw me as completion so she set me up

time and time again for failure

I hate thinking about her

because like living that life

there's nothing to be done or said

only a deity outside of me could redeem her

that's the rage I've been facing all summer

what's triggered when my ex husband

began treating me exactly like she did

undermining my ideas and talents

telling me not to sing because it was unpleasant

lying to people about me and my intentions

gaslighting me about my history of behavior

projecting onto me all the poison of her soul

she kept to protect someone else she loved

fuck those people and how they made me feel

I have managed and regulated the emotions inspired

the best way I knew how and I was not perfect

but my integrity has a far higher score

than those who have tried to one up me

in morality when I responded to their mistreatment

Andromeda chained naked and cold

to the rock of her own soul

with a sea monster to keep her company

because of the twisted vanity of Cassiopeia

she gave me her middle name of Christine

but it should have been Cassandra

no matter my honesty it was never believed

until even I couldn't believe it

which after thirty some years it's kind of nice

because now I don't give a shit who believes me

in third grade I came up with a story

two little girls who ended up seperated

when one moved to China with her family

her name was Sally but I can't remember the other

she bought a yellow balloon and tied to it

a letter and named it 'Speedy'

and he ended up delivering it

through storms and a journey and trials

when I told my mother about it she offered

to type it up for me on the computer

but when I read it it was no longer my story

she made all these changes and nothing

made sense anymore and the things I wanted

to somehow express as a kid weren't there

the things I cared about and the reasons that mattered

it was all her words and her tale

titled 'Speedy The Friendship Balloon'

I won an award for it and got to go to a conference

but the honors and congratulations weren't mine

they were hers but living through my body

the shame and the confusion and the knowing

of what it was supposed to be and how she somehow

rewrote my entire writing narrative with a story

with my title and characters but none of my words

I suppose as someone writing since I was a child

drawing pictures in stapled paper books

until dictionaries and thesauruses and my obsessive

study of them gave me all the perfect words for everything

to have that kind of betrayal was so deep to me

and I will not brush off her intentions

because her character behaviors shows her patterns

I don't give a shit if she had good intentions

it crushed part of me that I didn't know until now

likely made fresh gravel for a deep fortress of imposter syndrome

and even now I feel myself trying to somehow

take back all these words so I can hug them back to me

hide the shame I feel from this story

but instead I'll take a nap and cry and have compassion

for the bit of self that felt ripped out of me

from a place where I cared the most

the one safe place I felt I had in that life

embrace my vulnerabilities and remind that part of me

things are different now and if I write something

I'm actually going to deserve every and any accolade I get

physically though this is extremely uncomfortable

nervous system completely is completely dysregulated

and needs extra care to be soothed

[kaxen]

Finished it up and yeah that silver-haired twink is definitely, uh, very into Full Frontal.

Apparently only 17 fics of 92 Gundam Unicorn fics on AO3 agree with me

I think the resolution of the Macguffin plot was stupid as hell.

This raises so many questions about how the fuck the Earth Federation does things.

Like I'm pretty sure even Ancient Rome has better book-keeping than "we wrote this one provision on exactly one monument. It would be very easy to cover this up"

---

I like having little touches on the not very important characters

Fist pump when you approve of the happenings

Hanging snacks in the cockpit

I also tried starting Gundam 00 but ooof

THESE BACKGROUND CHARACTERS AREN'T ENOUGH MENTAL ENRICHMENT FOR ME.

Kaxen's Anime Needs:

Scrungly men

Background characters who look like they have something going on in their lives

Some of these characters better have real noses

Hair designs on the more grounded end of things.

The dub needs to be passable because if I don't draw or do a secondary activity, I will never start a tv show because the level of commitment that is "sit down and do nothing else but watch" means I need to cut out another activity I want to do and the battle between "thing I already want to do" and "try new thing I might not like" is a much higher cliff for the latter than "try new thing while doing thing I already want to do." Making sure Armored Hearts keeps its update schedule on-track is 300% more important to me than any amount of weeaboo-screeching "BuT tHe JapANeSe VoICeS ArE BeTTeRrrrrrrr" and needing to keep my eyes glued on the screen to read subs. Like I only play maybe one or two video games a year because of this. I will pick doodling while leaving something on over like 90% of single-focus activities.

Kaxen's Current Opinion of different Gundam series:

Origin: good.

Unicorn: good enough to finish, but I complained it's stupid a nonzero amount of times along the way.

Thunderbolt: I would die for Daryl, but, unfortunately, Io Fleming is here.

Witch from Mercury: I love the mobile suits, but I don't give a shit about anyone here.

Wing: I watched it over 10 years ago and have zero recollection of anything besides Heero is a weird little fella and WuFei is a sexist.

Iron-Blooded Orphans: Somehow their hairdos annoyed me too much so I got nowhere with it. I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT ANYONE WAS TALKING ABOUT. I JUST HATE HIS STUPID TRIANGLE.

Kaxen's not-particular-series-related Gundam Opinions:

I love my chonky boy Zaku. I could get 100 zaku gunpla.

I just have never liked Grandpa Gundam and all variants thereof. I think mecha looks better the less the head looks like a person's face.

Zeon is more interesting than the Federation

Gunpla good for mental health, questionable for wallet

P-Bandai, I swear to god you have e-mailed me so much more extra after I finally bought something

Watched a few eps of Gundam Unicorn and I really want to shake Banagher like a rubber chicken.

Tentatively writing a note in my Gundam preferences that I might only tolerate teenagers if one of them is.... *gestures vaguely at whatever the fuck is wrong with Char Aznable*

[corancoranthemagicalman]

💜💜🌻💜💜🌻💜💜

Thank you so much 💜 my day was stressful and mentally taxing but overall it was fine :) i am so so flattered/flustered that you want to gift me something in return- i never expect anything when i'm penguin anon. And irl i'm trying to be better at accepting things from people. so if you really would like to gift me something here are some tropes i like: cas gardening (sorry i can't get away from flowers/plants!), dadstiel with baby or toddler jack, general domestic fluff, anything that explores cas & dean healing/character growth 💜 but i honestly don't expect anything in return for my hearts and flowers. They are freely given 💜💜🌻💜💜🌻💜💜

-🐧🌻

I’m sorry to hear it was stressful for you, dear. I’m glad that overall it wasn’t too bad for you, though. I hope this cheers you up? I’m a few hours later with it because I get distracted big time in research. Like figuring out that Dean was 22 when Shrek came out. Which had literally no bearing on this, but was fun to figure out. The hearts and flowers are more than appreciated. 💕🌺🌺💕

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

When Dean was four, he watched his mother hold his baby brother to the blooming sunflowers she kept in the backyard. Mom said they were called Sunriches. They were named that because they were like golden suns. Dean thought the sun was golden, but when he tried looking at it, the sun was just a bright, white color. Blinding. Dad said he couldn’t look at the sun without hurting himself, so he stopped trying.

What he could look at was Mom holding Sammy. He was only a couple of months old, but Mom was excitedly talking to him as if he could talk back. Dad said he wouldn’t be able to talk for a while. That didn’t seem to bother Mom. She was content to describe the flowers to Sammy. They were taller than Dean was. Mom said they wouldn’t get any bigger, but one day Dean would be tall enough to hold Sammy up to the flower petals. He looked forward to that.

Mom looked pretty in her dress, from Dean’s memory of the time. Her skirt swayed in the autumn wind in time with the petals dancing in the breeze. It was ethereal, like a princess talking to animals. Except instead of a squirrel on her shoulder there was a baby in her arms. Dean thought it looked like magic.

A few months later, when Dean was finally trusted with holding Sammy in his arms, he was running out of his burning home.

He didn’t think about the sunflowers they left behind.

Read more undercut or check it out on AO3!

Later in life, when Dean was flirting too close to a stable relationship with a reporter, he idly thumbed at the petals of the Suntastic Yellows. He remembered his mom telling him that they were the tiniest sunflowers. The type they used in bouquets. Cassie had a small pot resting on her windowsill.

Cassie’s hands drew around his waist from behind him. Humming into his neck, Cassie drew him backward with her. He thought about it in an absent sense, walking away from the sunflowers.

“You know,” she whispered against the shell of his ear, “they say that sunflowers track the sun all throughout the day.”

“Oh, really?” Dean smirked, taking her lips in his own. She was wonderful, really. Too wonderful. Wonderful enough that Dean thought about confessing everything to her. Cassie would understand. She was clever and understanding. Hell, maybe she’d even accept him.

It was too bad, then, that when Dean told her what he did—what he was—that she didn’t believe him. Dean wouldn’t have believed himself either. Walking away with his keys in his hand and his heart at his feet, Dean wondered if this is what it would always feel like. If he would always have to walk away from the place his heart was trying to make into a home. Maybe it was something about being a sunflower. Always tracking the sun throughout the day.

Too bad Dean couldn’t find the damn sunlight.

“Dude, look!” Dean grinned during another part of his life, pointing at some old lady’s front garden full of Taiyos. “It’s like Shrek.” He teased his brother, elbowing Sam who only rolled his eyes in return.

“Shrek? Really?” Sam scoffed. “How old were you when that even happened?”

Dean huffed a laugh. “What? You’re telling me you didn’t go watch the cinematic masterpiece known as Shrek with all of your college buddies?”

Sam rolled his eyes again, huffing with a shrug of his shoulders. “Sure, Dean. And then we watched Holiday in the Sun right after, too.”

“Never took you for a Mary-Kate and Ashley fan, Sammy.” Dean grinned, watching the sunflowers swaying in the breeze from the corner of his eye.

They looked peaceful in the witness’ front yard. Untouched by the grueling werewolf that was lurking through the small town. Dean could hear Sam’s sharp inhale from beside him.

“I always thought sunflowers were… homey,” Sam confessed, watching the sunflowers dance with a furrowed brow.

Shooting Sam a crooked grin, Dean stepped forward toward the sunflowers but he didn’t dare touch them. “I’m not surprised,” he began. “Mom used to grow them. She started taking you out into the garden as soon as you stopped crying all the time.”

Sam was silent for a moment, causing Dean to look at him with concern. It wasn’t often that Sam was quiet, but when he was it was always a contemplative silence. “I didn’t know that.” He spoke softly.

“You wouldn’t have remembered.” Dean shrugged, stepping onto the witness’ walkway to begin making their way up to the door. “These are a bit taller than hers were. But then again, everything seemed taller then.”

There was another moment of contemplative silence, but it seemed Sam had nothing left to say. He knocked on the witness’ door, taking care not to meet Dean’s eye. Dean wondered what that meant. Wondered if Sam felt the same way when he saw sunflowers.

Then again, Sam had always been larger than life. Tall and proud.

When Dean was on the aching side of forty, he watched Castiel hold their four-year-old son to the blooming sunflowers he kept in the backyard. Cas had been enchanted by the Little Beckas when he had seen them. While they might not have been the tallest—or the smallest—of sunflowers, he had thought they were lovely. Dean had made a quip about their halo and bought Cas seeds the same day.

Watching Cas and Jack reminded Dean of being four and trying to see what color the sun was. It was blinding, something he felt he should look away from lest it hurt him. But he found that he couldn’t look away. He didn’t want to. He just wanted to watch Cas answer every question Jack had.

He was beautiful, Dean often thought, but especially in moments like these. The cuffs of his jeans were muddied and his bare feet were buried in the soil where he sat with Jack in his lap. Dean hated how Cas refused to wear shoes outside, but he had claimed to like being closer to the Earth. Dean couldn’t argue with him. He wouldn’t argue with him; not for what made him happy.

Cas turned to look at him, catching his gaze and drawing him closer with just a look. Dean moved without hesitation, standing beside Cas and kicking at his knee with his booted foot. His approach drew Jack’s attention away from the flowers, who clapped excitedly the closer he got.

“Whaddya think, Jack? Do you like the colors?” Dean hummed, watching Jack’s gummy smile as the kid waved up at him.

“Daddy says that sunflowers face East!” He pointed enthusiastically, laughing and reaching for the blooms in front of him.

Dean frowned, looking from Cas to the flowers. “I thought sunflowers rotated with the sun or whatever.”

Cas hummed, tilting his head with a nod. “They do, in their youth.” He pressed a kiss to the top of Jack’s head. “But when they mature, the sunflowers learn that they get the most light during the morning hours when the sun has just risen from the East.” Bouncing Jack momentarily and causing the boy to giggle, Cas turned to face Dean. “They just learn what’s healthiest for them. It just takes time.”

Inhaling sharply, Dean wondered if this was it. If this was his East. Watching a smiling Jack and Cas whispering about sunflowers that—while not the tallest or the smallest—were a halo of colors. Two colors that came together, that never faded, that bloomed to life in this tiny garden he called home. He was a dark heart and a bright halo, smiling toward the bright, white sunlight of a gummy smile and clapping hands.

With a grunt, Dean lowered himself to the soil, sitting beside Cas and wrapping his arm around Cas’ shoulder. “These little guys are pollen-less,” he spoke to Jack. “That’s why we got the honeysuckles.”

“Honeysuckles stand for devotion.” Cas’ voice rumbled gently. “In the ancient Celtic alphabet, the symbol that the Ogham carved into stone to represent the honeysuckle stood for following one’s path.”

Dean snorted a laugh, shaking his head. “Sort of counterintuitive. Since, yanno, Free Will.” He quipped, raising a curious brow toward Cas.

Bowing his head in concession, Cas continued. “Yes, that is true. The Druids meant it more like… trusting one’s gut. Rather than sticking to the story.” He grinned, rocking with Jack in his arms for a moment. “But the honeysuckle is rather hard to kill. That is why it means everlasting devotion.”

“Deaths don’t stick, huh?” Dean hummed, squeezing Cas closer into his side. “Sounds like someone I know.”

Cas exhaled a laugh, resting his head atop Jack’s. “The Chinese valued the honeysuckle for its healing properties. It can be a cooling herb to remove toxins.”

Dean pressed a kiss to Cas’ cheek, keeping his lips there for a moment longer before pulling away. “Even if the honeysuckle can’t heal ‘em, the sunflowers like the company anyway.” He smiled softly, watching as Cas’ eyes turned dewy toward him. “And ‘sides, the honeysuckle brings all the bees to the yard.”

Snorting laughter that Jack joined in without knowing the cause, Cas shook his head. “I suppose so.” His attempt to suppress a smile made Dean’s own grin widen. “But the sunflower is more than enough company.”

“Damn straight,” Dean whispered against Cas’ lips, kissing him slowly and savoring the moment.

Between them, Jack made exaggerated kissy faces, causing them to pull apart and watch him with amusement. He grinned, reaching up and holding Dean and Cas’ cheeks in his palms.

“Daddy and Poppa sittin’ in a tree!” Jack sang, giggling as he smushed their heads together.

Mocking a frown, Dean held his other hand out behind Jack’s back. His palm felt so large in comparison to how small Jack was. “Did Uncle Sam teach you that?”

“Yup!” Jack nodded enthusiastically, head bobbing as he continued to hum the song under his breath.

Cas gave another chuckle under his breath, looking from Jack to Dean. “I suppose we should head inside. We're still expecting Sam and Eileen for lunch.”

Dean stood with a groan as his knees ached. He reached out a hand to help Cas and Jack up, standing tall with his family in their little garden. Keeping their fingers intertwined, Dean didn’t have to think about the sunflowers they left behind.

They would be there as long as the sun was in the East.

[sillyrabbit81]

Her Heavy Cross

Summary: Three years after tragedy hits, Lana she decides to start dating again. She meets Will through a dating app and they begin an online romance. After months of constant requests, Lana relents and agrees to meet and go on an irl date with Will. But is Will who he says he is? Lana is quickly pulled into an intense relationship forcing her to confront her tragic past. Will Lana face it or will she close her heart forever?

Pairing: OMC x OFC

Word Count: approx 3.7k

Warnings: Smut, swearing,

Authors Note: The story started as a Henry Cavill fanfiction but I changed it to be an original character, but shades of Henry are still there. Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading.

Part 4 Part 6

Part 5

I lived about 40 minutes away from Liam in the suburbs. I still lived in the house Andy and I had bought together, planning to have a family.

I kept thinking about the house on the way there. I remembered being so excited when we found out our offer was accepted. When we moved in a few months later, we did what I assume most young couples do, and we had sex in every room, including the laundry. I had joked that if I got pregnant from the laundry sex, we should call the kid Westinghouse.

After Andy died, I had used his life insurance from his superannuation to pay off the mortgage. I had decided against selling it and moving somewhere smaller. I couldn't do it as it felt like I was abandoning our dream.

When we got home, Liam said, "you live here? I expected you lived in an apartment or something, not a whole house by yourself."

I wasn't meant to be here by myself. I didn't say it, though. I just shrugged, opened the door and said, "You live in a huge place by yourself."

"Yeah, but I didn't pick it. A place to live close to the studio was part of the contract.".

We went in. Perrin came lumbering to the door to greet me and gave Liam a short bark. I scolded Perrin and patted him, telling him Liam was a guest. Liam was unfazed and knelt to pat him and had a chat. "You're just protecting your lady, aren't you, buddy? Well, don't worry, I'll take good care of her." Be still my beating heart.

I took Liam past the bedrooms, pointed out the main bathroom, and went to the open plan kitchen, lounge and dining room. I got out food for Perrin and fed him and found Liam hadn't followed me into the room.

He was in the hallway looking at the pictures on the wall. Well, one in particular. The one of me in my wedding dress, kissing Andy. Oh shit... this was awkward.

I didn't say anything, what could I say?

"I'm sorry." He eventually said. He finally looked at me.

"Why?"

"It must have been awful."

Don't cry! I just nodded.

He pulled me to his chest and held me. "I know you told me what happened when we first started chatting. It didn't really register until I saw this." He pulled back a bit to look at me but still had his arms around me. "Is that why you were so upset last night?" I didn't have to say anything. It must have been written all over my face. Shit.

"Shit," Liam said, echoing my thoughts. He let me go and ran his hand through his curls. They seemed to have dried now. "I'm sorry, I should have realised..."

"No," I interrupted him. "Look, I'd be lying if I said I was over it. I don't think you can ever get over it, but I'm ready to move on. I've been trying to date for a while now. It's just taking that last step and sleeping with someone..." I trailed off. I didn't know how to say what I was thinking without him believing I didn't want him. "I want to be sure it's the right person. Does that make sense?"

"Yes, Sweetheart." Liam pulled me close again. "I'll try to control myself."

"Don't try too hard," I said. "I want you too."

Liam grinned, "You shouldn't have said that." He buried his face into my neck, kissing me and nipping at me until I started to giggle.

He let me go smiling. I said I had better go shower. His eyes widened a moment. "You ok to wait while I do?"

"Don't worry, Sweetheart. I'll have plenty of thoughts to keep me occupied while you're in the shower."

I pretended to be offended, "You're filthy."

"Yes." He said. I ran.

I showered as quickly as possible and got dressed in some leggings and a t-shirt. I went out to find Liam playing on his phone, patting Perrin. He looked up when I came in, and the smile he gave me was so dazzling I stopped for a moment. Gathering myself, I walked over to him and sat on the lounge, not quite close enough to touch him but not out of reach either.

"What should we do today? Do you feel like being lazy, or do you want to go out?" I asked.

Liam hummed a moment. "I think a lazy day would be nice. I won't get many of them soon."

"We could watch a movie?"

Liam agreed. "What do you want to watch?"

"Anything really. Except for romance or a tear-jerker."

"What? Why?"

"I hate crying, and I cry at the drop of a hat. I can't even watch Disney movies without crying. Once I watched Seven Pounds and cried for three days straight." Yeah, I really did. "Plus, I'm an ugly crier." Why, oh, why can't I keep my big mouth shut.

Liam laughed, "I find it hard to believe that you could ever be ugly." And I can't breathe. I think I need an oxygen tank. "Alright, we won't watch a romance."

"Ok, come with me and let's choose. I have a heap of Blu-rays and DVDs. I like director cuts, extended cuts, that kind of thing." I took Liam's hand and tried to pull him off the lounge. He didn't let me. Instead, he pulled me closer until I was standing in front of him.

"Not yet." Liam wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me onto his lap, so I was straddling his glorious thighs. "If we can't watch a romance, maybe we could..." He didn't finish the sentence, which I'm thankful for because I don't think even he could have said anything after that, which wouldn't have been cringe.

Liam's hands slid behind my hips to my bottom, and he gripped me, pulling me closer. Once again, I giggled at his strength. Sometimes I swear I want to slap myself. His hips moved upwards, and I slid further down until I could feel his hardness between my legs. Oh fuck, I don't know how long I can hold out. He put a hand on my neck and pulled my face towards his. His lips met mine. I tried, unsuccessfully, to suppress the moan that came from my throat.

"Fuck," he breathed into my mouth. "When you make noises like that, I just can't stop thinking about what other noises you can make."

I didn't respond, and I just kissed him back. I let my hands trail down his chest, savouring every curvature of his muscles. My hands reached under his shirt, and I felt my way back up his chest.

Although I was travelling blind, my fingers found the spot they were looking for. Liam hissed as my fingers trailed over his nipples. A self-satisfied smile came across my lips. As if in retaliation, he pulled his hands away and held the bottom of my shirt.

"I don't like this shirt. It covers too much." He grinned roguishly. I wasn't going to give in easily.

"But it's a Ramones t-shirt," I complained. "Don't get between Joey and me."

"Joey, huh?"

I nodded, "didn't you know I was a punk rocker?" I stuck my tongue out and did some devils horns.

"Do that again." Liam was grinning at me, so, like an idiot, I did. He whipped the shirt off over my head so quickly I couldn't stop him. I stared down at my chest. My bra was still keeping my modesty in check. I must have had a crazy look of surprise on my face because he laughed at me. "That's better." He said and started kissing the top of my breasts.

I put my hands into his hair, letting him have a small victory while I took mine. His hair was as soft as I thought it would be. Then I curled my hands into fists and pulled, so he had no choice but to pull back and look up at me.

"That was very rude," I said, trying not to smile.

"You loved it." He wasn't wrong.

"Maybe, but it's only fair if..." I trailed off and tugged at his shirt. He leaned forward instantly, and I pulled his shirt off. He was so broad in the chest I felt positively small next to him. I pushed him back against the lounge, well, he let me push him, and I leaned down to kiss his chest. His hair tickled my nose as I travelled my kisses across his chest to his nipple. I kissed it gently before flicking it with my tongue.

"Fuck me," I heard him say. That encouraged me, and I took his nipple in my mouth and gave it a little bite. His whole body jerked in response.

Liam growled, "Fuck it". Suddenly his arm was around my waist and the other under my bum, and he stood up, taking me with him. I squealed and wrapped my legs around his waist. He was stronger than I thought.

"Which one is your bedroom?" Liam asked as he started towards the hall. His eyes held mine, and his blue eyes seemed dark and hungry.

"Second on the left." I should have given my room a clean! Maybe he won't notice if I keep him occupied.

He took me to the door, and I reached behind my back and opened it. He took me in and put me down. He closed the door behind us, and I turned around, looking at my room. Embarrassment crept in.

I had a massive pile of dirty clothes hanging out of my laundry basket and a pile of clean clothes on a chair. My bed was unmade, pillows everywhere. My bedside table was piled with books and had an empty Ben and Jerry's tub on top. Ok, it's bad, but it could have been worse. Then I remembered something, and my eyes flew to the bedside's open draw.

I felt the blood leave my face. It was worse. The last thing I wanted Liam to see was my god damned vibrator. Fuck!

"So, what should we do now?" Liam stood behind me and wrapped his arms around my bare waist. He ran his hands up my side and kissed my neck, nuzzling into me. Although it felt amazing, all I could do was look at the pink silicone sticking out of the draw. I was as still as a statue.

"You're not into this." He stated, his hands dropped, "That's ok, I told you I wouldn't do anything you didn't want to do." I mumbled something, not sure what, and kept thinking about getting to the draw and hiding the vibrator without drawing attention to it.

Liam's voice came out strangled and about an octave higher. "Hide the vibrator?" His voice calmed, and he said, "Damn, Sweetheart. I would have been happy just to feel you up a bit. But if you insist."

I want to die. Liam saw it. I jumped to the draw and slammed it shut. "Umm, I didn't mean for you to see that." I still couldn't look at him.

"I didn't see anything until you said it." Oh. Well, I'm a fucking idiot.

I slowly turned and looked at him. I could see Liam's bloody lip twitching as he tried to hide a shit-eating grin. I wanted to hit him.

"Don't be embarrassed." His voice was deep again, his accent making each word soothing, "I'm not." He came closer to me, his head. He spoke softly in my ear, "I think it's hot as fuck."

I moaned, partly turned on, partly wanting to die. I could feel the heat between my legs grow, and a pleasant tingle radiated through me as I shivered. "No, it's not," I said. Why was I such a prude sometimes? I hid my face in my hands.

Liam didn't attempt to hide his grin. He took my chin in his hand and lifted my face to his. "My rock hard cock disagrees." Oh, Lord, help me.

"Really?" I asked. I hadn't always been like this. Ten years ago, I would have pulled the vibrator out of the draw and put on a show. I knew lots of guys liked to watch a girl orgasm. Just picturing myself doing it now was cringe-inducing.

"Fuck, yes." Liam took my hand. He was gentle and moved slowly as if I were his prey, and any sudden movement would make me bolt. Liam placed my hand on his jeans between his legs. He groaned, and his forehead leaned against mine. "That's what you do to me."

A thrill flowed through me. I wanted to touch him so much. I cupped my fingers around Liam's balls and pressed my palm against him. I moved my palm slowly up, trying to find the end, fuck it was big.

Liam put his hands in my hair and kissed me roughly. I kept moving my palm up and down slowly and firmly against him, my own excitement growing. I was getting so turned on, I lost control for a moment and bit on Liam's lip. Liam growled.

I couldn't stand it anymore; the desire to feel him was too much. I undid his belt. Not wanting to take the time to undo each button, I pulled his jeans apart, each button popping as they came undone. Liam looked down and watched as I slid his jeans down his thighs. I gripped him through his underwear and explored his length. Liam stood there still, watching as my hand moved over the fabric.

It felt so good, but I wanted more. I wanted to hold in my hand what I had glimpsed the night before. I put a hand into his trunks, but before I could touch anything, Liam grabbed my wrist and removed it from his underwear.

"As much as I want this and believe me, I fucking want this. I need to make sure this is what you want." Liam's voice was strained. I looked at his face and could see the effort it took for him to have stopped me. His desire was plain.

"I want it." Liam closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened his eyes, they seemed on fire.

"Tell me exactly what you want."

Please don't make me say it. The shyness was back, or shame, I can't tell. I tried to swallow, but my throat was dry. "I want to touch you," I whispered.

"Tell me where." His voice was hoarse. It was such a fucking turn on.

"I want to touch your cock." I felt his pants move at my words. I looked down and saw the tip almost peeking out of his underwear. I put my hand in and held his shaft gently, and his skin felt soft and velvety. Liam shuddered against me. At that moment, I felt powerful watching this huge man tremble at my touch. I moved my hand.

Liam bucked his hips against my hand, moving slowly at first, but his rhythm increased as did mine. I couldn't stop watching his body move, the muscles in his abs contracting with each thrust, his chest heaving with each ragged breath. It was so fucking erotic.

I felt Liam's hand move over my face, and I looked up and realised he had been watching my face. His thumb moved over my lips. I parted them, and he put his thumb in my mouth. I let my tongue rub over the pad of his thumb and sucked. His eyes went wide, and his hips stuttered. I kept sucking and jerking him, syncing them into the same rhythm.

"Fuck, Lana, stop." I released him slowly and took my hand out of his pants. I let him withdraw his thumb, but I still sucked. It made a slight pop as it left. He leaned into me, catching his breath a moment. I think I nearly made him orgasm. I tried to keep the triumphant smile from my face. I didn't try very hard.

"You're..." Liam was shaking his head. He didn't finish the sentence.

"Terrible Muriel?" I suggested. Way to kill the fucking moment, Lana.

Liam laughed, thank god! "Not what I was going to say." He flopped onto the bed and laid on his back. "Fucking good at that is what I was thinking." He pulled his jeans and shoes off and closed his eyes, his breath slowly returning to normal. I wanted to jump his bones.

Instead, I laid down next to him on my tummy, leaning on my elbows.

Part 6

[truerescreatuconfessions]

Ave exitium

So, last night I started horrendously crying because it finally hit me with what I lost and since this is a "safe" space to confess things maybe I would feel better if I just got everything out.

Res wasn't just a bunch of pixels to me. It was a home. It was another identity, a support unit, and my creative outlet.

A home.

I had first gotten into Res when I was possibly around 12-13. My home life was extremely chaotic with my parents working on getting a divorce so I found comfort in Res, and I ended up meeting some really cool people that were the reason why I stayed after I turned 20+ years old (I am 26 now). Res was where I could exist without the bullying endured at school and the abuse my dad would put me through. Eventually, coming home and logging on into Res and talking to my friends was what I looked forward to. It was just, my own little virtual corner.

An identity.

In real life I had to be me, but on Res I could be anyone. Granted, my identity changed a lot and when I was younger I lied about things because my home life absolutely sucked and lying about things made myself feel better (I was 12, give me a break) but eventually I just settled on "Shini." And I came to like Shini. At work, I had to be Ashley (a name I hate) but on there I was Shini. And I became someone. I'd have a terrible day and come into the Shoutbox just to see my close friends respond with "Shini <3" and just seeing that was enough to make me smile. My friends loved, spoiled and supported me so much. There are people on there that loved me to death, and I felt the same for them. Just having my friends accept and aknowledge me as who I chose to be when I wasn't getting that in my real life made me feel..kinda happy. Kinda like I belonged somewhere. And for someone that has struggled with mental health all their life things felt good for once.

A support unit.

Trying to be an artist is one of the biggest hurdles I've ever faced, and all my life my father had spent every day telling me I wasn't one, but the support, the people that I found out loved seeing my artwork, and the compliments I would get when I would excitedly post a new piece in the Shoutbox, that was so great. It made me smile so much. And I loved drawing for people. Thank you to everyone that has commissioned me. I hope you really like your artwork. I'm glad I got so much attention but now I'm sad you guys can't see me grow. I had several pieces I was really excited to show off but oh well, guess that's done now.

A creative outlet.

I'm pretty sure I've stated multiple times that Res was how I got rid of stress and exercised my creativity. My names. My sweet children. The reason why it was like pulling teeth to get me to sale a name was because they all were given a character. I loved them all so much, but now they're gone. And I had some very well loved designs that many artists on Res have drawn [Michael the Dark Souls inspired Omni, Martyr the arrow impaled Liyure that cries gold, Saw my Iluvu modeled after the puppet]. I put so much though into my characters and even sunk close to $800+ in real money for art of them. They weren't just trophies, they were expressions of my creativity. What sucks even more is that I was working on a huge painting of Martyr and Saga for their profiles and now it's just painful to even look at them.

Because they're gone.

My support unit is gone. My friends are gone. My childhood is gone. All of my characters are gone. All of their art is gone. I never got any warning of anything so it's not like I had time to save all of the art I bought.

And this whole thing, this massive, uncalled for clusterfuck that shows a lack of leadership and care for your loyal members, has made me feel so terrible. Like Hell, I also feel abused and gaslighted. And even worse I don't appreciate the jokes being made about my mental health when it is a legitimate serious issue I struggle with (talk to any of my friends on Discord, some days I can't even get out of bed due to my depression). And I don't appreciate being called a toxic person. If anything, this situation has drawn the toxicity out of me because, frankly, I am pissed and I am hurt. We're not getting our accounts back when they shouldn't have been taken in the first place and we're also untrustworthy? It's fairly clear that you do not care about your users. You hired someone that wants to joke about alcoholism and mental health as development.

I don't want anything to do with Res. I contemplated coming back but if I did Dan would just snag my kids when my account was cleared. And that's cool, but let me just say: they are not for you and I hope if you grab one that you are told they are not for you. My kids and their characters will always be mine and I hope you know that. You're insatiably greedy, but I hope that just this once, the guilt eats you alive. I hope you are tormented.

This will be my last post here. I wish my friends the best of luck. If you manage to get one of my kids please treat them well. If you were close to me on site you have my permission to message me on my account for my Discord to keep in touch. I love all of you guys and I hope that maybe, just maybe, in the future Res becomes a safe place. My only regret is that I was banned before I could come back on Res full time because I was going to apply for Staff because I actually give a shit about the site and its userbase.

Be kind to others. Respect yourselves and nature.

- Shini/Ash 💞

[drshojo]

The World, My Childhood And My Hero Academia: Vigilantes

Hello friends!  

Its Dr. Shojo coming at you with a post that will be divided into three parts!

Part One: The world as we know it! 

The world has changed a lot since we last connected. For starters, TOILET BOUND HANAKO KUN HAS NOT ONLY A PHYSICAL RELEASE BUT A GORGEOUS ANIME! And not only that, but MY NEXT LIFE AS A VILLAINESS: ALL ROUTES LEAD TO DOOM! IS GETTING AN ANIME AS WELL! The last time I wrote about Katerina there wasn’t even an official English translation of that long-ass light-novel-title. And now?

A WHOLE ANIME. A BISEXUAL HAREM AWAITS! I am JAZZED!

Do you think it’s my fault? No matter, I’ll take all the credit. All the manga I talk about are getting anime adaptations. I’LL DO MY DUTY AND TALK ABOUT SOME MORE!

But first. Let us address the Covid-19 shaped elephant in the room

I deeply regret that it took a whole-ass pandemic to get me back to writing. In my defense, I bought an iPad and started drawing like 900 kokichi oumas. I was really busy with that. And then I started reading fanfiction. Then that got me thinking about how fanfiction such an interesting look into how people interpret fandom, use it for wish fulfillment and escapism, and good god is everyone OK cause that bulimia fan fic was super detailed....and I am officially on a tangent. Off track. Ahem.

We are all staying inside a whole lot more which means y’all probably need some reading material and Dr. Shojo has your back! Go read “Horimiya”! It’s amazing! Ahhhh, my work here is done! I'm serious, if you’re here for a Shojo rec, that’s it! There's also like 8 million more Otome Isekais to check out now. It’s like they’re multiplying like rabbits..............

As a Doctor, I must advise you to stay inside and read some manga and practice social distancing. Embrace your inner hikikomori. 

Allright? All good? Okay now one final disclaimer:

This post is going to be talking about something a little different than usual and I want to start by giving you some context about who Dr. Shojo is in real life. 

Part Two: Dr. Shojo Exposed 

You see, when I was little I was obsessed with Japanese media. This doesn't surprise you at all I can tell. Probably because I walk around calling myself Dr. Shojo and shout about manga that you should read.

Anyways, the reason why I was obsessed wasn’t because of the big eyes or the spikey hair or the interesting new culture. It was because it tended to have more character development and overarching plotlines than the media I was used to in Canada. Dexter’s Lab, Magic School Bus, pretty much everything I saw on TV was episodic in nature, so imagine how much my mind was blown when I saw Naruto and Card Captor Sakura, heck, even Pokémon had the Indigo Plateau! Here were kids that were learning more and more each day and got to see enemies become friends and vice versa. They lived and grew older just like me. Except they were cooler than me. And had more interesting lives than me. I gotta tell you, I was so sad when I was 12 and Kero didn’t tell me I had latent magical powers. But there was magic in my life and it was the magic of a complex narrative story. And not only that, it had a sense of movement and had cool costumes. I was hooked immediately.

Also, fun fact, at that age I happened to be a complete and utter tomboy! I loved pretending to fight my friends in the playground and was really worried that puberty would ruin my life because being a girl sounded so CUMBERSOME.

Which leads me up to my confession. Before I became Dr. Shojo, I was in fact......Dr. Shonen.

Bleach? Naruto? One Piece? I've read every single chapter there is.  

Hundreds of hours of watching fight sequences. Another fun fact, I only got into shojo because my aunt bought me volume 7 and 8 of Fruits Basket thinking “all mangas like the same right? Kids love comics?” It’s a tribute to how episodic western media was back then that she thought buying volume SEVEN and EIGHT was a REASONABLE PLACE TO START READING.

Now you might also say, Hey! Dr Shojo! Cardcaptors was a shojo! And you are right! but back then the anime was marketed to boys over here in the west and they actualy like, edited out episodes that they thought wouldn't interest boys?! Second fun fact, Once when I was in Grade 3 I was told I was not allowed to join a club under the stairs cause I was a girl and it was BOYS ONLY. The point of the club? To talk about how great Cardcaptors was! I Kid you not!

So anyways, your pall Dr. Shojo loves Shonen manga to this day!

The only reason I made this Dr. Shojo blog specifically about shojo is because, being a tomboy with no female friends, reading shojo manga was the first time I really thought about what it meant to be a girl and fall in love. And y i k e s. Shojo manga, like most media, fails miserably most of the time in displaying real world relationships. Or at least, it  doesn't prepare you for how disappointing everything can be. When I had my first kiss, I was thinking about how it didn’t feel at all like how I felt reading Zen and Shirayukis kiss in Akagame No Shirayuki Hime. Those were formative years, and shojo was one of the only places I saw romance being talked about for younger audiences. I liked reading romances where no one had any sexual experiences and were figuring out what love meant to them. But let’s shelve this topic for now.

The point is that gender roles are dumb and if you have an open mind there's a world of stories out there for you. Take this time inside to read something you wouldn’t normally. Critically think about the ways that the worlds you see in stories and how you experience the world differ. What are the messages a story is trying to tell you? And why do you like the stories you do? Reflect on how the stories you tell yourself color your view of the world. Even mindless entertainment leaves an impression on us. Anyways.

Whilst you're doing that, I'm going to absolutely lose my hecking mind over the Shonen Jump series MY HERO ACADEMIA: Vigilantes!

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!

Part Three: I downloaded the one month free trial of the Shonen Jump app and made you read all that, so I can tell you that today Dr. Shojo is going to rant about a spin-off of a shonen manga

THAT’S RIGHT, OF COURSE I READ HERO ACA AND YES I DID PICK UP THE SPIN OFF SERIES. SHONEN JUMP LETS YOU READ ALL THE NEW CHAPTERS FOR FREE ON THEIR APP. KIDS, IF YOU LIKE SHONEN AND YOU’RE PIRATING ON A SCANLATION SITE STILL GET OUT BECAUSE YOU DON’T NEED TO SEE THOSE WEIRD PLASTIC SURGERY AND DENTISTRY ADDS ANY MORE.

SHONEN IS HERE AND ITS LEGAL AND ITS FREE FOR YOU. GET OFF MANGA FOX OR MANGA ROCK OR WHATEVER THE KIDS ARE USING THESE DAYS.

OK, so by this point in the article you have learned two very important things about me: 1) I love Shonen manga and 2) I read a lot of fanfiction.

Specifically, I read an absolutely biblical amount of My Hero Academia fan fiction and let me tell you, A solid chunk of it is vigilante/ Deadpool / criminal with a heart of gold themed.

So when I saw Hero Aca had a spin off, and it was about vigilantes, I was NOT SURPRISED IN THE SLIGHTEST. Ao3 sure is powerful.

Now, if you will permit me a tangent in a post full of tangents—HOLY CRAP, THERE ARE TOO MANY VIGILANTE AUS. I CAN'T KEEP TRACK OF EM. IT’S THE ISEKAI PROBLEM ALL OVER AGAIN. I GET AN EMAIL A FIC HAS UPDATED AND I’M LIKE IS THIS THE FIC WHERE DEKU HAS AN ABUSIVE MOM OR THE ONE WHERE HE HAS SPLIT PERSONALITY DISORDER OR THE ONE WHERE HE’S VIGILANTES WITH HITOSHI. OH WAIT, nvm, it’s the one where deku has a healing quirk.

OH WAIT WHICH OF THE 6 DEKU WITH HEALING QUIRK VIGILATE AU FICS IS THIS ONE?! ARGH WHY DIDN’T I WRITE A DESCRIPTION IN THE BOOKMARK FOR THIS!

My gripes aside, there's a reason why there's such an abundance of vigilante story telling—

Deadpool made like an absolute buttload of money and people love sass and memes.

People have a desire for a story in which they see themselves. Or, how they think of themselves.They like a story about someone who maybe came from nothing. Someone who has less money, maybe someone who is unlucky and had some bad breaks. Someone who never learned they had magic, never got their Hogwarts letter, never saw Kero, someone who never got that God-level quirk from All Might. And if your on Ao3 They want someone who also has seen a lot of memes and kind of wants taco bell and is also questioning their sexuality a bit?

Enter our new hero VIGILANTE DEKU.  

But the cannon can't do this, cause hey, Deku is the chosen one. Albeit, chosen by All Might, He’s got his own thing to do. But how can we still cash in on a vigilante story?

And thus enter our New-New hero KOICHI HAIMAWARI—code name Nice Guy and then later The Crawler. True to his relatable roots. He’s just a dude in an hoodie who can go about as fast as a bike.

First off, I love Koichi. He wants to be a hero and fight crime, but most of the time he has to run away because at the end of the day he's just a dude.

He’s cute but not wildly good-looking, A bit of a nerd but not like an extreme okaku. He’s got a part time job and hates violence.

And this is where Koichi really shines—in every day stuff. He helps out wherever he can. Often, that just means listening to people complain and maybe helping his friends out with whatever they’re going through. He’s the kind of guy who smiles, not because he's especially brave, but because he just takes things one at a time and doesn't sweat the past. I think it’s really telling that he missed getting into hero high-school because he skipped the entrance exam to help someone. He’s the kind of person who lets us experience the superpower of human decency and empathy. And you know what? That’s something the world need desperately.  

This theme of human decency is really the driving force of Vigilantes—it’s a manga about how the laws are there for a reason but sometimes they unfairly impact the poor and vulnerable. It's about how a lot of criminals are just people who fell into bad social circles or on bad times. People have the capacity for cruelty and violence but that’s never all they are.  

Now, speaking of crime, the entirety of Hero Aca falls into some murky water when it comes to its evil doers. Much of the fandom has a huuuuuge problem with how much the franchise is willing to sweep under the rug in the name of redeeming their baddies. RE: people getting mad about forgiving Endeavor’s child abuse, or Bakugo’s suicide baiting. Or Mineta’s blatant sexual harassment.

But this theme is in Vigilantes even more than it ever was in the main series. To start off with, there’s this guy who tries to rape Pop Step early on, and the later he later winds up befriending everybody. It becomes a running gag that each new villain winds up befriending the other villain guys and then they all open a cat café together.

Using jobs as a way to lift people out of lives of crime is great and all but in the story there is no nuance or consequences for past wrong and well.....it feels very weird.  It's like Vigilantes plays at having an opinion about moral ambiguity and the complexity of human existence and then just.......lets everyone get along because who has time to get into all that. Make of that what you will but it sits weird for me personally.

Anyway, let's move on and talk about POP STEP our main girl!

I love pop stars and I love vigilantes and a guerrilla performer is defiantly a character I could get behind. And I think they do a good job with Pop. She is actually kind of shy, but has this secret edgy persona she puts on when she performs. She is every girl on tumbler in the early 2000s. I also looooove that they make her not that great a singer. SHE’S GOT PASSION AND CHARISMA and maybe not born talent but like why should that stop you! Talent can be earned through practice and this is a great lesson to show people.

Unfortunately, Pop is also a great example of everything wrong with romance in Shonen.

It’s established early on that Pop loves Koichi because she is the girl he rescued all those years ago and yada yada yikes we’ve heard this one before. Many times before.

Sure, it's fine that they’ve met before, but gosh am I sick of damsels in distress. It's like she can't love him just because she respects what a great guy he is in her life and in the community at large, no no, she just needs to be rescued on top of that. And LOLOLOL isn't it funny he never noticed she was a girl because she was a child with short hair?! Once he realizes she has boobs now they will for sure fall in love! That’s how love works!

She's just with him all the time—nothing romantic ever happens she just gets a little tsundere.

I am never ever going to believe Koichi likes Pop because he spends like sooooo much time with her and they never have like, a moment. The first time he considers her is when Makoto is like, ‘hey I would love to get together with you, but have you thought about if you are crushing on Pop’. (Also this entire plot point is suspect—she's arbitrarily falling for Koichi cause he.......is the protagonist?)  

Say what you will about shojo, they give you the emotional conversations, the moments where you think.....ahhh I can see why she is falling for him. They give you context! Shonen likes to just say HERE’S A GIRL YOUR AGE. YOU CAN DATE LATER WHEN THE ADVENTURE IS DONE.

Just when they might get together, Pop suddenly turns evilllllll. The evilllll beeeees made her eeeevilllll (and more sexy).

*Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

Because why on earth would they get together if Koichi didn’t get to rescue Pop one more time?

I’m tired. These troupes are tired. I’m sure you are too. HOWEVER! If your still with me, Let’s move into why I'm really writing this post. Let’s get to the part that got me screaming to my friends, who by the way, don’t even care bout Hero Aca….but listened anyways. May you all find nakama like these my friends.

Anyways,

HOLY FUCK ERASERHEAD’S ENTIRE BACK STORY IS IN THIS AROUND CHAPTER 60 AND IT IS WONDERFUL AND ABSOLUTLY HEARTBREAKING AND IS ONE OF THE BEST CHARACTER BACKSTORIES I HAVE EVER SEEN AND IS THE REASON WHY THIS SERIES IS A MUST-READ FOR MAIN SERIES FANS.

AND BY ALMIGHT.  

WHY. IS. IT HERE.  

I present to you my late night text messages to my friends

ALSO, AIZAWAS TEACHER IS PRINCE?!?!?!

AHEM, so as you can see, I kinda lost my shit.

And now, I would like to formally defend my claim that DESPITE HOW AMAZING IT WAS, ERASERHEAD’S BACKSTORY HAD NO BUISSNESS BEING IN THE VIGILANTES SPIN-OFF MANGA.

Eraserhead, aka Aizawa Shouta, is a side character who is working with the police on some crime stuff. He is not a main cast member in this spin off. He’s a guest character that fans of the main series will be like OH COOL. GRUMPY CAT MAN LIKES CATS ON HIS OFF HOURS TOO. LOVE THAT FOR HIM.

So, my imagine my absolute surprise when Aizawa runs into Koichi and the following happens:

It starts to rain, so, like in any good manga, this means some great FORCED BONDING TIME

Except no. It doesn't because rather than start talking, Aizawa JUST STARTS REMEMBERING—ABSOLUTLY SILENTLY TO HIS OWN PRIVETE SELF—HIS ENTIRE TRAGIC BACKSTORY.

AND THIS GOES ON FOR CHAPTERS.

THIS GOES ON LONGER THEN ARC ONE IT FEELS LIKE.

I LOVE IT, BUT KOICHI IS ABOUT TO JOIN ATSUSHI NAKAJIMA IN THE DUBIOUS CATEGORY OF “PROTAGONISTS THE SERIES FORGOT ABOUT IN LIEU OF COOLER SIDE CHARACTERS”.

AND LO IT HAS NO BEARING ON THE REST OF THE PLOT, CHARACTERS, OR STORY

What the ever-loving-just WHY?

WHY?

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

SURE, IT’S A COOL TIE-IN.

YES, OF COURSE I LOVED IT. I SHIP ERASER MIC, I DREW THIS FOR HECK’S SAKE:

AND YET I AM ANGRY.

I AM ANGRY BECAUSE MY FRIDAY WAS RUINED BECAUSE VIGILATES SUCKER PUNCHED ME WITH AN AMAZING STORY THAT REALLY WASN’T PLOT RELEVANT AND PROBABLY SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN THERE.  

IS THIS WHY THEY TOOK LIKE NEXT-TO-NO CARE WITH POPS ARC?!?

I mean its ongoing, so it’s too early to say but—

In conclusion—

Excuse me one more,

AIZAWA WAS TAUGHT BY PRINCE!?!??!?!?!?!? PURPLE RAIN PRINCE!?!??!?!?!? WHAT!??!?!?!

It’s so ABSURD that I HAD TO WRITE SOMETHING ABOUT IT. I HAD TO WRITE PARAGRAPHS TO JUSTIFY YELLING ABOUT THIS ONE THING. WHAT THE ABSOLUTE—

Ahem,

Anyways, I hope you liked this weird rant/personal-story/random-diatribe in three parts.

If you’re reading this, thank you, stay safe, and I’ll be back with more shojo manga next time.  

Ciao!

Dr. Shojo

(aka Dr. Shonen)

[roswelldetails]

RNM 2x07 - Como La Flor

Apologies for being so late this week!! Lots of translating to do, and research. Mucho gracias to @queenrikki for reviewing this one for me!

EPISODE SUMMARY:

OLD WOUNDS — Liz (Jeanine Mason) is forced to revisit a painful part of her past when her mother Helena (guest star Bertila Damas) shows up at the diner unexpectedly. Michael (Michael Vlamis) urges Maria (Heather Hemmens) to seek help after she experiences a strange vision, and Kyle’s (Michael Trevino) attempt to get Steph (guest star Justina Adorno) to open up doesn’t go as planned. Finally, Helena’s arrival in Roswell sends Rosa spiraling. Nathan Dean and Lily Cowles also star. Barbara Brown directed the episode written by Danny Tolli & Carolina Rivera (#207). Original airdate 4/27/2020. 

DETAILS:

Max and Isobel both describing to Rosa how it feels to use (and control) your powers.

Isobel:

"Ground your intention.  Feel the current running through your body, your hands guiding it with purpose."

Max:

"Okay, draw energy from your spine…"

Arturo on Rosa:

"I heard a little mouse crying in her room this morning."

Escamoles - like Liz says in the episode, they're ant larvae. One article I found called them "the Caviar of the Mexican desert". 

Helena calls Liz "mi corazón", which means "my heart".

"Arturito, te ves bien."

Arturo, you look good.

Adding "ito" to someone's name in Spanish can both be positive or negative.  It can refer to smallness or also tenderness (like an affectionate pet name).

@tasyfa pointed out that there was a little timeline error in this scene.  Arturo says that he hasn't seen Helena in 7 years, since Jim Valenti's funeral, but last season it was established in 1x12 that Valenti died in 2014.  Also, remember the show is a year behind reality right now, so it's still 2019. So off by 2 years.

The reason for Helena's visit - transferring her ownership of the Crashdown for Liz so that Liz can sponsor Arturo's residency for citizenship. I did a lot of research trying to understand and clarify why this is.  Thanks to those who weighed in when I was struggling to find a clear answer. Eventually I reached out to Define American, the non-profit org that provides support to the show on racial and immigration related issues.  Here's the response:

The short version is that Liz has to meet minimum income requirements in order to sponsor Arturo, because she has to be able to certify that she can financially support him.  Since she's currently unemployed except for the Crashdown, transferring half of the ownership to her makes her a business partner and helps her to meet the income requirements. 

The Spanish:

"¿Cuánto quieres, Mamá?" 

How much do you want, Mama?

"She has a very thoughtful manicure."

If you don't understand, it's cool. I'm not going to explain here.  Feel free to DM me though! I won't judge, promise!!

Narrative thread about Max's nightmare/memory continues from 2x03 and 2x06.  Don't forget that 2x03 was just Isobel remembering it. Max was a hallucination. So when he brings it up here, it might be something they haven't discussed in a very long time.

The Spanish from Rosa on her red jacket:

"Eres una mujercita."

Basically translates to you're a little woman or young woman.  I assume the "cita" is supposed to be diminutive here.

"Mom is an opportunist.  If she found out she had a kid who came back from the dead she would use you to get to Anderson Cooper. And then she'd use him to promote her latest lounge singer gig."

"Isobel pays double.  Becky tax." 

A Becky, according to common colloquial use, is an annoying white woman, usually entitled and privileged.

Lead bartender quit..meaning there's a job opening at the Pony…hmm. Wonder if any of our characters need a job... 🤔

Maria's vision:

Michael drops the change

Flash to Kyle dropping his keys & bending down to pick them up.

Kyle staring into a bright light.

Maria shouting his name.

"My heart was broken.  Liz ended things and a part of me died."

Max's story to Valenti… not all THAT far off from the truth.

Note: has anyone told him about Valenti investigating him? We know Liz and Isobel were questioned.  Michael was present when Liz was questioned. Kyle knows the whole theory his mom was pursuing. And he just wanders in there like nothing happened?

"Try leading several short staffed investigations with the mayor breathing down your neck."

Another subtle reference to the mayor, including the election banners hung around town in S2 and his "anti-immigrant agenda" which was referenced in S1.

Max has been with the department since he was 18 - this is the first time we learned that.  In 2x05 we learned he was there at 21. So that timeline has now been further clarified. Which also means he was hired during Jim Valenti's time as Sheriff.

"I need eyes on you at all times now."

Definitely implies a lack of trust, or possibly still wanting to keep an eye on him for the purpose of her investigation (not a fact, just a theory).

Steph tells Kyle that she's always hanging around the hospital because she's doing admin work for her dad.

"I'm starting to feel like you're a ghost who only I can see."

"Ask them if they can see me. Or if you were just talking to a ghost." 

Note that ghosts have been a running theme this season with Rosa returning from the dead. This seems to be in line with that. Or are they subtly tying Steph to Rosa (I'm grasping at straws here, probably).

Liz leaves the safe on 3...but before she changes it is on 81. Helena leaves it on 78 after stealing the ring. Good continuity, RNM!

The whole "my mom hates cops" theme is a little confusing to me.  I mean, it makes sense given what we know about Helena. Except that she had an affair with Jim Valenti, who was… a cop. And also an addict.  Maybe it was different because they rehabbed together (just an assumption, not a fact). Or maybe the Jim experience contributed to her dislike of cops.

Liz...might be grasping at straws when she refers to police work as "something you love" to Max.  He didn't exactly seem enamoured by the job when we first met him in Season 1.

First time we learn Max and Isobel's father's name. And it is… Dave. 🤔

The Spanish Helena uses when she meets Max:

"Pero que guapo estas."

But how handsome you are.

"Cuidado Arturito."

Careful, Arturo…

Helena found Liz and Diego's wedding registry online. 

“Look there are medical reasons for non-drug-induced hallucinations - epilepsy, schizophrenia…”

“My mom has a degenerative brain disease. My grandma did too. I've always known I'd be next.”

Helena wanted to be Selena.

Which fits with Liz's lounge singer comment earlier.

And the "drunkenly singing in the car with your daughters in the backseat" fits with the story Liz and Rosa discussed in 2x02 about the car accident they got into as kids with Helena driving drunk.

Helena shows Liz her ten years sober chip, suggesting that she's been sober since Rosa died, but Rosa finds pills in Helena's car later in the episode.  Oxycodone. The same drug that Rosa used to steal from her mom as a kid (which we learned about in 2x04) and the same drug that she and Kyle discussed when he was checking her health in 2x01.

During Helena's toast to Rosa:

Preciosa = precious

Rosa Linda… still not sure personally if this is a continuity error or a pet name.  I’m inclined to go with a pet name. Throughout the whole episode Helena uses lots of pet names, nicknames, diminutives to address people. Rosa Linda may be just another version of this since Rosa's middle name was pretty well established as Helena in Season 1 between her grave, memorial pamphlet, etc.

Kyle calls attention to Steph's bandage on her arm.  She says she gave blood, but it feels like she's evading.

Also she calls him McDreamy, which is a Grey's Anatomy reference. Kyle called himself McSexy (another Grey's nickname) in 1x08 as well.

Note: I've seen some people talk about the speech about his sick friend as being about Maria, but I think he's really talking about Steph.  Or both, vaguely. He's certainly trying to get Steph to open up to him. Here's what he says:

"I just found out a friend of mine is sick. And I can't do anything to help her. And I hate feeling helpless."

Only after Steph puts her walls back up, does he gesture to Mimi's files.

The Spanish:

"Oh, ándale, gùero."

Ándale is like, go! Or let's go! Gùero we discussed earlier...basically white boy.

Por favor - please 

Rosa's art that we first saw in 2x05 now looks finished:

Isobel's graffiti "In Pod We Trust"

Both Isobel and Rosa's graffiti:

Isobel's assessment of Rosa's art

"That's a black hole. An unstoppable force of destruction. And it's getting closer. I see a girl looking into her own doom. She thinks it's inevitable, that she can't stop it, but she can. See, she created it. That means she can destroy it."

Rosa on Isobel's efforts to help her:

"You and Max, you keep talking about harnessing emotion and grounding myself, right? But I can't do that.  It is in my DNA to be screwed up. Literally. My mom's mentally ill. So, so am I. I was broken long before Noah did what he did. That's why he chose me to prey on.  That's probably why he chose you too."

Maria on her grandmother:

"When I was a child my Grandma Patty was the only adult who understood my make-believe world. Thing is, I was six.  So my favorite things about her were just illness, I guess…"

Maria on her mom:

"She was always kind of out there.  By the time I realized it was more than that, I just became obsessed with money. Wanted to be able to take care of her. I invested everything Grandma Patty left me, and I worked, scrounged.  It was about three days after my mom was finally fired from her job at the Pony, I bought the place."

Maria's blood does not contain the alien protein that Kyle found in the Pod Squad and Rosa after being in the Pod for a decade. (and yes, he actually said Pod Squad, which feels like an OG fandom victory)

"Look, there is one thing I noticed in your grandmother's file. Her insurance company is the same one that paid for my dad's cancer treatments...My dad got cancer because of an alien incident at Caulfield Prison. A fake insurance company established by Project Shepherd covered his bills."

"Okay so my grandmother got sick at the same alien prison where your mother died?"

More Spanish (there's lots of it this week).

Helena, when she gestures to the present:

"Abre tu regalo."

Open your gift.

Quinces is just slang for Quinceanera.

Just in case you're not familiar with quinceaneras (Liz's was also referenced in 1x02).

"Mija, me enseñas tus prom photos?"

Daughter, show me your prom photos.

Regarding the power outage.  Liz thought it was Max. Max thought it was Rosa. But the wire is frayed, like it was cut or chewed through. So it wasn't alien power related.  When Arturo finds the wire though, he says, "Must have been a little mouse." Which is how he referred to Rosa earlier in the episode. So the question is, does he actually think it was a mouse? Or does he think Rosa cut the wire? And if Rosa did cut the wire, then why? To distract them while she goes after her mom's car?

In the big Liz/Helena argument, Helena calls Max “a güerito cop”.  Güero means white person, similar to the more commonly used gringo.  But by adding the “ito” onto the end (like discussed before), Helena is basically diminuitizing Max.  She’s using the “smallness” above to basically imply that he’s some white nobody.

“I may not be the PTA mom who made cookies for bake sales or hosted sleepovers, but I sacrificed everything to come to this country to give you a better life.”

This is...not actually true.  Liz and Rosa are both natural born U.S. citizens, born in Roswell.  So she didn’t “come to this country” for that reason. She was already here when Liz and Rosa came into the picture.  And it’s not like she came pregnant with Rosa or anything, since Rosa is Jim Valenti’s daughter.

The ring that Helena took was ARTURO'S mother's ring.  It wasn't even Helena's family's heirloom.   

Liz and Arturo sharing flan for dessert.  At the start of the episode before Helena arrived they discussed making flan for Rosa.

Arturo admits that he always knew the truth about Rosa's heritage. (*fistpump* that's one of my headcanons coming true). 

"Rosa es mi hija, siempre y para toda la vida."

Rosa is my daughter, always and for life.

"Maybe you're right. I am playing the hero. Just like you're playing the politician's perfect arm candy.  See, I did a little digging. And your boyfriend, Dirk-- he ran for city council. It's very impressive. But there's no mention of your daughters. I'm guessing Dirk doesn't even know about Liz or Rosa.  Does he know anything about you, Helena? 'Cause it would be such a shame if he found out about a little town called Roswell."

Helena gives Max the ring, but keeps the box… maybe that's what Helena really wanted?

Huevos = eggs.  Basically, slang for balls.

"I know that face.  You uncovered a massive conspiracy."

"I checked the Caulfield drives. No sign of a Patricia DeLuca, but there was a Patricia Harris. Her maiden name. She signed up to participate in an experimental trial. Government was interested in weaponizing alien abilities. They wanted to create super soldiers. Your grandma was one of the first human subjects."

"Kind of wish I was an alien instead."

"What happened to the experiment?"

"It was a total failure. Caulfield shut it down in the '70s after people started dying. I don't understand how your grandmother got involved."

"I do. Henrietta Lacks, Tuskegee, Holmesburg.  The DeLucas aren't the first black people to be secretly experimented on."

Highly encourage you to read these if you're unfamiliar with any of these references.  It's African-American history (and really a black mark on U.S. history) that's rarely taught in schools.

Henrietta Lacks:

Tuskegee:

Holmesburg:

Reality versus Maria's flashes… great gifset by @rosaortecho on this here:

Kyle rips his jacket, staggers out to the parking lot, drops his keys, and is almost hit by a car, but Michael throws him out of the way with his powers (and Kyle still ends up injured because he lands on a glass bottle).

"Now that we know your illness is related to Caulfield we can find a cure for it."

"Maybe it's not an illness. I saw the future today, Guerin. When I first found out Grandma Patty was experimented on, I was furious.  But what if my genetic inheritance isn't just injustice? It's also actual superpowers. Saved a life today. And not just any life-- Kyle Valenti's. Tomorrow he's gonna turn around and save five more lives."

Liz and Rosa's dueling big sister act is super fascinating.  Rosa admits that she wasn't going to burn the car, and then she saw Liz crying, felt helpless, and that's when her powers went all wacky and caused it to explode.

Meanwhile, Liz has spent the whole episode trying to keep Rosa safe from Helena, and is trying to comfort her here by talking about Helena's sobriety.

But--Rosa stole Helena's pills, so she knows Helena is not sober, and she doesn't tell Liz that.  Why? To protect her.

At some point these two should probably stop keeping secrets to protect each other and start actually sharing what they know.

Kyle stitches himself up.

Steph quoted in this scene:

"I was up in the gallery contemplating American downfall thanks to progressive socialism."

"People tend to bail when things get real. I'm not into that."

Cameron's car was impounded a couple hours away.

Max is turning in his badge and gun and is turning down desk duty to search for Cam.

Isobel and Michael's discussion at the Pony:

"Do you think that Noah chose me because I was already broken?"

"I think you are the only one of us who ever keeps it together."

"I'm serious, Michael. The night that drifter attacked me, why am I the only one who started blacking out? I mean, Max literally murdered a man, but I'm the one who breaks?"

"You were traumatized. We were kids. At that age, trauma gets etched on to your soul."

"But what if it's not in my soul? What if it's in my DNA? Look, my whole life, I've played Stepford wife, because I thought that's what I was supposed to do. But...I need to understand myself now. I need to know where I'm from.  And if I don't know who my biological parents are, how am I ever gonna know who I really am?" 

"What are you saying, Iz?"

"I know that we said we shouldn't look into the past, but…"

"It keeps pulling you back. Me too. I spent my whole life thinking I'd build a ship and blast off into the ether. And then the minute I decide to leave that all behind and focus on this good thing in front of me, I'm sucked back in. Maria's family was experimented on at Caulfield. I need to find out more so I can find a cure for her illness."

Rosa takes one of her mom's pills. 😭

MUSIC:

1. Cactus Groove "This World"

2. Shelly Fairchild "Drive"

3. Mathis Hunter "Mrs. Vinegar"

4. Big Stone City "Good For Zero"

5. Big Stone City "Way Down Below"

6. Selena "Bidi Bidi Bom Bom"

7. Elizabeth Moen "Best I Can Do"

8. Wagons "Keep Coming Back"

9. AG "Where Is My Mind" (Pixies Cover)

[mybodypaystheprice]

orchid, sage, aloe vera, and nutmeg :)

these are all such cool asks so thank you so much for asking!!

orchid ⇢ what’s a song you consider to be perfect?

This is hard. I think there is lot's of "perfect" songs out there, but right now I'm gonna say Smile Like You Mean it by The Killers. I'm not much of Killers fan outside of Hot Fuss because it's an absolutely incredible album (Mr. Brightside and Somebody Told Me, c'mon!). But Smile Like You Mean it is just so.... It's not that deep, it's just a melancholic song about growing up, but damn does it perfectly capture that exact vibe, it's so effectively nostalgic even if you have no reason to be. Love the synths, love the... actually I just love everything about this song and it was apparently written in only 8 minutes.

sage ⇢ what ‘medium’ of art (poetry, music, fiction, paintings, statues etc.) is the most touching to you? why do you think that is?

I am a very sentimental person who gets hella emotional over any art because I decided to give meaning to everything. Even weird abstract modern art makes me emotional. I'll think about the person who created it, and then I'll think about everything that happened in my life that led me to be where I am experiencing this particular piece of art. But if I had to pick one that affects me the most, fiction probably - even though I am a visual artist myself. Couldn't tell you why, maybe it's the projection? Or because I can't write fiction myself unlike how I can draw for myself? Actually now that I think about more, it's the escapism, definitely the escapism.

aloe vera ⇢ what’s something (mundane) you really want to experience in life?

Oh so many things. So so many. Maybe not all that mundane but let me think...

To live alone. To go on a trip to another country alone. To go camping with friends or a friend. To stay up all night outdoors with friends or a friend (oddly specific on that one). A Vietnamese coffee (why haven't I had one these yet?! Like I go for Vietnamese food all the time but its always for dinner and thus too late for coffee). Someone to hug me for a solid five minutes (while standing up, so it's not cuddling, just a long ass hug). I'd love to experience having a penis. I gotta try LSD at least once. A massage, I've never had one but also I think I might hate it because strangers! touching! my! skin! Swimming in a natural hot spring outdoors while it's snowing, I think I might've done this before, but it was a long time ago. Decking someone in the face (justifiably). Meeting an online friend IRL. Shooting a crossbow. Kind of want to know what it's like to be stabbed, but I got to be careful what I wish for. Using a film camera while on a trip and only seeing all the photos I took when I get them developed later. Filling an entire sketchbook or journal to the very last page, having made good use of all the space.

nutmeg ⇢ how’s your room/home decorated? do you have a specific theme or style going on?

I still live at home with my parents, in a place that built in like 2015 with a very modern style. I hate it. My dad doesn't like "vintage" stuff so everything is super white and neutral and square and smooth and BORING. My room is white and the cupboards are smooth with plain silver handles, absolutely no character. But I make do. I collect weird knick knacks from thrift stores, I have a collection of vintage picture frames. I have a big old map on my wall. I have a very small gothic looking couch I have crammed in my room. I have a medieval looking chest and a fancy jewelry dresser thing, and uh a bunch of Romanian tapestries and table runners with no where to put them. My room is a Frankenstein design disaster. When I get my own place, It will not be this modern. I'm painting the walls Burgundy, black, or dark green (maybe all of those depending on the room). The furniture will all be dark oak and bought from Value Village or FB marketplace and all my vintage frames are gonna cover the walls chaotically filled with cool old paintings and various historical figures from like Joan of Arc to Vlad the Impaler to Karl Marx to Louis Riel to Mary Shelley. Dark Academia is the theme I guess, but a little spookier, and a little more magical (I will put all normal things like food and toirletries into jars and bottles). I'm literally halfway there already, but I can't execute it properly because I'm stuck in small space and am not allowed to paint the walls. One day.

[mayfriend]

19 be a hater pls :^D

Oh, I love being a hater, tysm <3

Idk if they're popular still, but when I was in school everyone kept on talking about Uglies by Scott Westerfield, and I figured huh, must be a pretty good book. NOPE. Go straight to (literary) jail, do not collect £200, do not pass go. I can see what he was trying to achieve with the whole 'beauty isn't important' angle, but it just came across very preachy and seemed to insist that anyone who cares more than 'normal' amount about their appearance is shallow, and doing the dance so many authors do when trying to undercut western patriarchal norms where they end up blaming women for wanting to be pretty in a society where they're point blank told that's what makes them worth something. If you want this done well (even if it's aimed at a slightly younger audience), try Jennifer Murdley's Toad by Bruce Coville.

All The Bright Places by Jennifer Niven. Now, before you get your pitchforks out: I think she again had a pretty good basis for a story idea. Finch and Violet are well defined, original characters and the end point is the strength of the story. But getting to the end... god, this book was a drag. I'm sorry, it was. The pacing was all over the place, it felt like Niven was just making the same point about life bring both difficult and precious over and over and over again in the same way, and didn't trust her readers not to need their hands held the whole way. Also, as a pet peeve, 're-MARKEY-able' is not that clever of a pun that it needs to be thrown about every other page.

My mum bought me The Luminaries by Eleanor Catton quite a few years ago now, and I still haven't been able to make it further than the first chapter. Apparently its very good but I just can't persist through the dull beginning.

I made the critical mistake of buying Nikita Gill's poetry book, Fierce Fairytales & Other Stories to Stir Your Soul, after seeing it for dirt cheap in a charity shop. Dear GOD do I know why it was cheap now. I've recently gotten into the habit of putting my name and the year into new books I start, because I like the thought that in the future someone might see it and have a moment of connection, but legit I want to rub my name out of this one so nobody knows I owned it, however briefly. It's that bad. I vaguely knew her name (mainly through searching for content for webs), and I'd seen a few lines of her poetry online that weren't awful, so I foolishly assumed that in order to publish a book it would need to have, you know, decent fucking content. I cannot actually express in words how bad it is. I couldn't force myself through the latter half - foolishly, I persevered at first because I thought there had to be something in there worth the cost of the paper and the ink, but no. No there is not. And again!! The IDEAS aren't bad!! People are updating fairy tales all the time!! But its just so lazy. There's drawings that I'd charitably say are just above the level of a thirteen year old girl doodling during English, a poem about Cinderella (at least I think it was Cinderella, but I don't hate myself enough to go and double check) that I shit you not referred to a fidget spinner, and the most boring rhymes and brain-dead interpretations of fairy tale characters you've ever seen. It's apparent meant to be 'feminist' fairytales but, deadass, they're just. They're just about Disney characters. Don't believe me?? Exhibits A to G (because it turns out I do hate myself enough to scan for the worst bits so you can all suffer as I suffered):

unLIkE moSt MeN oF hIs TImE, hE waS pROGreSsiVE

Like... my good bitch, half of that is written in the most jarring structure, unappealing sentences and awkward wording imaginable, and the other half is Disney™. Oh, the sea-witch is ample bodied, is she? 'Jafar' the Sultan's most trusted advisor was a poor boy come from nothing, huh? Cinderella's mother l i t e r a l l y told her "have courage and be kind", hm? Those motherfuckers will sue, and I kind of hope they do in order to get this refuse off the shelves.

There are more, but I got sidetracked (I couldn't find the fidget spinner line but I swear to you it's in there) and I need to go scream into a pillow or something after reminding myself about that godawful poetry book.

[amberls123]

I posted 241 times in 2021

39 posts created (16%)

202 posts reblogged (84%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 5.2 posts.

I added 199 tags in 2021

#illustration - 25 posts

#digitalart - 24 posts

#ipaddrawing - 23 posts

#anthroart - 23 posts

#furryart - 23 posts

#procreateart - 22 posts

#artistsoninstagram - 22 posts

#sketching - 14 posts

#the great mouse detective - 12 posts

#basil of baker street - 11 posts

Longest Tag: 56 characters

#spare no details no matter how insignificant they appear

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Basil x Ratigan question : Who would be the one to propose?

Haha I'm not sure to be honest! I can imagine either one doing it. I think maybe Ratigan would be more likely though. If Basil did it I think he would be much more nervous and chicken out several times. Like kneels down to do it, freaks out when Ratigan turns around, and just pretends to tie his shoes or something. And if Ratigan does it, I imagine Basil being all flustered seeing Ratigan kneel with the ring like "What is this??? What's happening???"

That's the short answer 😂 sorry if this gets long but read on if you want to.

I have sort of two different universes or realities I like to imagine for Basil and Ratigan. One is that they absolutely are enemies. Ratigan hates Basil's guts and wants to destroy him in the most humiliating way possible while Basil wants to bring him to justice even if it means he gets destroyed in the process. I personally love writing this dynamic because I really love pitting the hero with an unstable villain.

BUT! I also love picturing them as other people in the fandom do as the sort of enemies to lovers dynamic. There's some really good fics and fanart out there where they just fit together and eventually even sweet and kind to each other. I've read some AMAZING rps in a gmd discord group especially that write Basil and Ratigan both so perfectly as a couple.

Another possibility that I didn't use to like but here recently I do is the idea of a sort of reformed Ratigan after the fall and Basil sort of guiding him. I don't think Ratigan would be completely changed for the better and would still use devious ways to get things accomplished even if he is helping his ex-nemesis and Scotland Yard. But it's still fun to think about.

IF I were to ever write or draw this second scenario where they're a couple, I don't think I would ever write them actually getting married. I can't picture them settling down as a happy married couple, at least not until later in life. Maybe they retire to the countryside together? Idk. But it's always fun to see art and read fics with them being sweet and actually happy together. Because honestly both boys are put through a lot of trauma (in my headcanons anyways) and need more happy moments.

Thank you for the ask, anon! 💜

14 notes • Posted 2021-04-24 23:38:54 GMT

#4

Been working on this one on and off for months! 😱 Just had a little idea of them going to a ball. Not sure why, maybe they’re secretly undercover investigating a case. Doesn’t mean they can’t have fun though lol. https://www.instagram.com/p/CU0Yn-grlnP/?utm_medium=tumblr

14 notes • Posted 2021-10-09 18:53:22 GMT

#3

Ugh, I forgot to post this during Mermay 😑 I was trying to draw a tense moment between Basil and Ratigan, but it came out looking much less threatening than I originally planned 😆 ⠀ I also borrowed @lizards_sky ‘s idea for Ratigan’s cravat to be like a sash belt thingy for his merself because it looks nice and divides up the area where fur meets tail. And I’m not sure if I ever mentioned it before, but Basil’s necklace is something @dragonm97hd created for Basil to communicate with his friend Lugia. That’s why I always draw him wearing it. I haven’t decided if Basil’s tattoos have any meaning or if they’re just for aesthetics. I originally bought it might be something showing his rank among the merfolk of the kingdom or something, but that involves so much more worldbuilding that I just haven’t put a lot of effort into yet 😅⠀

23 notes • Posted 2021-06-17 08:22:24 GMT

#2

I never draw Basil really doing much actual detective work, so figured I’d doodle him investigating a scene. It’s not great but it was just a quick doodle so not perfect 😅⠀ https://www.instagram.com/p/CUVYreVr226/?utm_medium=tumblr

29 notes • Posted 2021-09-27 17:53:46 GMT

#1

I can’t believe I almost forgot what day it is, but happy 35th anniversary to The Great Mouse Detective! This little doodle isn’t much and it’s sloppy. I literally scribbled it out in 1hr 15min. But I just couldn’t let this milestone go without celebrating somehow 🥳

45 notes • Posted 2021-07-02 21:37:42 GMT

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