#Because I got the job. I'm not going to be temp anymore

[brightblessed-aa]

// I'm trying to get to things on all three blogs but I keep pushing myself and getting reminded by my body that I'm still kinda sick. I got absolute confirmation that I'm covid positive but they think the worst is over already. I'm not sure if they're going to let me go to work tomorrow. If not, I'll try to smash out some replies here and on my other blogs. This whole thing has been so shitty thanks to my already fragile mental state and the false negative. Kinda wanna crawl into a hole and die because I exposed people to covid because the test was wrong. I feel so insanely guilty and just wanna hide and not talk to anyone. I know it wasn't really my fault, but I still feel so bad.

[mamamittens]

Thoughts about that possible Christmas Hallmark ass movie with Nikia and the boys

So, I gotta set the scene, right? It's gotta be kinda fucking miserable--as is fitting for this capitalistic hellscape that slowly drains out all your childlike joy at the passage of time.

So, Nikia has a job with brutal hours and barely decent pay. I'm thinking probably a warehouse job rather than like, waitress or cashier so it's isolating and everyone knows those pay like dog shit. A warehouse where "union" is a swear word that can magically make write ups materialize and is barely OSHA compliant.

She is legitimately too exhausted to go out, indulge in hobbies more than an hour or two before bed, and lives off ramen and sandwiches with the rare, proper meal as a treat. Her apartment a bit shit but close to her job enough that she doesn't need a car. Barely anything left over money wise at the end of the month that she ends up saving because she genuinely doesn't have the bandwidth to spend it otherwise. So she DOES have a tiny nest egg that grows with every sluggish month.

The boys, mainly Thatch, pulled a prank and Whitebeard decided that he needed them (mainly Thatch) out of his hair for a while. At least until Cupid is ready to accept an apology without threatening to make Thatch fall in love with a donkey or something for an afternoon. Or just shoot his ass. Oh! Would be funny if Izou was originally a cupid but swapped over to the 'Christmas section' to help those intense moments of seasonal love. Thatch just really loves cooking and thinks the turkey is pretentious as shit.

Anyway, they're basically told to spin a randomizer of "Good but don't believe anymore" adults to go and restore the Spirit of Christmas in. And, shockingly (not), Nikia's name pops up.

They scope things out a bit, commenting on how depressing as shit it all is in its mundane, grindy glory.

"She's cute... Shouldn't she have a roommate or partner or... I don't know, even a cat?" Thatch muses, taking a moment to inspect her food pantry. Outside of ramen and quick snacks, it's pretty bare. "Yikes. Guess not. What do you got, Izou?"

Izou is looking through the rooms, sizing up the situation with a keen eye.

"Honestly? I think the first order of business is figuring out her finances. Judging by the state of things, she's gone a lot for work but doesn't have a lot of shit to show for it. Is she in debt? Or does it just not pay well? Can't enjoy the holidays if she's dead on her feet from exhaustion." He huffs, looking over a bookshelf of unopened anime DVDs. "And I don't see any pictures. Guess she doesn't have much family or friends. We picked a doozy, Thatch. Literally anything is an improvement from what I can tell."

"... Not good enough. We gotta blow this outta the water, Izou!" Thatch declares before faltering. "...where do we start though?"

They end up working as temps in the warehouse to get close to her, but find it harder than expected. She's not mean or anything, just clearly too tired for much outside of work related matters. The few times they manage to engage her in conversation they're turning up the charm only to be met with dry humor and sass.

Slowly, they figure out what she's actually like to do, the clock ticking away.

"Look, it pays the bills and I can't really ask for a lot more than that." She finally huffs, carting around a box of supplies before Thatch plucks it from her arms with a grunt.

"Kinda need a little more than that to live, honey. C'mon, what would you like to be doing?"

"Sleeping."

"No! I'm serious! What's... Your ideal job?" Thatch asked desperately.

Nikia pauses in thought. Tired eyes glancing upward.

(I absolutely got lost looking at jobs lmfao, apparently collision repair is a high paying AND high demand job, go figure)

"I don't know... I like fixing things?"

It's better than nothing!

Anyway, they pull a few strings and 'suddenly', she's got a flyer in her mailbox about a training program for repairs. It's a branching sort of thing where the company responsible brings in a bunch of people and sees where they fit, subsidizing them in return for the 'trainee' working on contract for a set time depending on the training required. Gotta invest, after all!

She's not sure, like, really not sure at first but they encourage her and help do research to reassure her it's legit and not some creepy scam.

Franky, the lead of the program, is a very strange man but enthusiastic and totally understands what it takes to retain workers and a good work environment. She has a blast, even if she thinks a lot of her fellow trainees and trainers are weirdos. It's meant fondly.

She gets paid a lot better with subsidized housing as part of the program (part of it is meant to help people get on their feet from unfortunate circumstances). So she moves, but it's great! Suddenly, she's sleeping well! With so much free time and forced socializing with very extroverted folks who are kind and invite her to things!

She kinda breaks down after the first month, after catching herself not only planning a little dinner with her new friends but eyeing a new, self indulgent thing with no fear of penny pinching.

The boys are very moved and supportive, their original goal kinda getting lost as they're getting attatched.

Of course, the holidays roll around and she insists on inviting them to anything she's going to for support and as thanks.

She's not quite a believer but mostly just because she's still recovering from brutal hours and low pay.

As the snowfall becomes more frequent, she thinks to Christmas time and that she's got people to celebrate with thanks to the boys. So, she plans an extra special gift for them!

Not sure if I want a third act breakdown (they usually piss me off tbh).

But! They do think they lost their chance for the year because she doesn't really believe in Santa or Christmas like they were meant to get her too, only to discover Marco dropping by a Christmas party with Nikia to take them home.

Apparently, just giving her something to believe in was enough all along.

They leave with a note explaining as best they can and are depressed despite finally coming home. Nikia, is, naturally, incredibly devastated that her closest friends left so quickly.

Maybe her new group of friends crack down to try and find those scoundrels that broke her heart by running off and somehow manage to find out who they actually were.

She's shocked, naturally, but refuses to chase after them. Certain they'd have said so if it was under duress and would return if that was the case anyway. But that's not good enough for her new friends!

No!

How dare they abandon her before Christmas!

So they actually manage to storm the North Pole on her behalf and Whitebeard is so fucking amused about it. It's been ages since he's been this entertained.

While this is happening though, a massive ice storm has hit the city and frozen everyone into their houses. Someone in her apartment got a little too creative and the power cut off, leaving her fucking freezing.

The boys check on her with the nice list thing and realize she's having a rough go of it at the moment, teaming up with the others to rescue her (and her apartment building, rip the idiot who fucked with the electrical wiring).

It ends with a big hooray, and then asking if she'd like to meet their family. As their third. Cue wolf whistles.

Maybe she ends up employed at the North Pole for half of the year helping with repairs. That'd be fun.

The other half is vacationing and traveling with the boys as they do their own jobs or something.

Very cute and silly and now I am very tired and will sleep lol

[thessalian]

Thess vs Division of Labour

On the one hand, I am looking very forward to my upcoming week off. By which I mean, it's the only thing making the thought of having to work tomorrow somewhat bearable.

On the other hand, I am not looking forward to spending a week stressing over what the typing queue will look like when I get back. It's bad enough as it is, with Temp having been off this week and The Other Part-Timer having been off sick. (Though, to be fair, The Other Part-Timer is now full-time but she's not on typing anymore, so I guess either way we're kind of screwed in that regard.) But when I go off...

Look. I'll give it to Goblin - she pretty much pulls her weight. And Temp ... well, as long as you don't expect her to do anything long or complicated (because not having a high number of things typed makes her feel 'unproductive', which I guess is all right for the rest of us somehow), she gets shit done. But New Girl? Oh gods, New Girl.

Today, for instance. It was a hellish day. We were struggling to--

No. Sorry.

I was struggling to get things back on track given Temp being off and no longer having The Other Part-Timer typing, given a bunch of folks who came in to dictate on the weekend. We are finally to the point where we were actually doing some of today's typing today, as in we cleared all of yesterday's typing before close of play. But the mess of that... Two complicated placenta cases dictated by someone who's new to placenta cut-up. Three extensive breast cases by a new individual who isn't entirely sure of herself but has picked up enough from The Breast Guy to skip around in the dictation as it suits her. A grand total of eight messes by The Word Salad Guy. A few from lesser Word Salad Individuals. And a dozen by one of the ones who skirts annoyance territory because she does complicated ones while speaking very quickly, and often makes minor word salad without the excuse of "English is not her first language". Also another one who makes her dictations twice as long by dictating the lab numbers on every pot when we don't need to type that, and the one who dictates by block instead of doing a block key like normal people-- and this makes very little sense to anyone who isn't me, sorry. Suffice it to say that it was a mess.

New Girl got one of the new individual's breast cases and one of Word Salad Guy's cases - and that under duress because she'd picked out everything else that might qualify as easy before that even got looked at and I had other shit to do, so all the rest of hers were easier ones, and shorter ones. I had both placenta cases, the longest of the breast cases, seven of the eight messes from Word Salad Guy, everything from the one who skirts annoyance territory, and most of the rest of the Annoyances in general.

She started at 10:00, took an hour lunch (where she dumped more complicated ones she hadn't got around to back into the queue so someone else would do them while she was away), and left at 16:00 or so. Total reports typed: 39.

I started at 11:00, had a few microbreaks so I didn't start spasming, finished at 17:30, and got far more of the complicated and longer ones than she did. Total reports typed: 93.

I'd ask if anyone else was seeing the issue here, but as @mxlabradorite said to me recently, that's been my professional life for over twenty years now.

Honestly, I'm kind of glad that we had to cancel Saturday D&D shenanigans this week. I am so tired, and I hurt so much, and I need to recover. I have no idea how the fuck I'm going to manage to get through tomorrow at this point. Worst of all, though, is that I'm going to end up stressing for at least part of my much-needed, well-deserved week off about how those yahoos I work with are just going to go at their usual slow-to-middling pace while I'm gone because "it's just a job". For fuck's sake, am I the only person in that damned virtual office that remembers that there's a patient waiting to find out if they have cancer attached to those names and lab numbers?!?

(Answer: yes. Either that or they don't care. Fuck that; knowing that I'm sometimes the difference between life and death for some of these patients is what keeps me going half the time. And given my work in various stages of oncology, no, I am not exaggerating, or at least not by much. The earlier you catch something like that, the earlier you get treatment and the better the odds of forcing it into remission. At worst, I'm giving someone desperately needed reassurance that they don't have something life-threatening. That's worth a lot.)

Oh, and Scruffman hasn't said a damn word about performance reviews. I figure that'll be sprung on me on short notice either tomorrow or once I get back. Or maybe Scruffman will have a well-timed attack of good sense and wait for the week after I get back, as I'll be busting my ass dealing with the backlog those dipshits leave me while I'm gone.

...Don't worry too much. I'll have some things to keep me occupied so work worries aren't eating my head all the time. Sunday D&D is still a thing and it's getting spicy for these guys. Silent Hill 2 drops in early access then too, so if I'm really feeling better, I can do a lovely spooky all-nighter and either way, I'll have James Sunderland's emotional issues made manifest in eldritch ways to distract me.

(Please, Bloober Team, don't have fucked this up...)

[epixene]

[ temp rules / ooc info under the cut, might be subject to change ]

Howdy! My name is Skylar - you may have seen me around before, on @outtahp, @vvoidled, or other affiliated blogs. This one's going to be an interesting one because it's basically me converting was used to be a F2F blog into a muse-run blog. Now that I've cleaned it up and gotten more confident, here's a few important things of note.

I, the mun, am a 29 year old trans man who's currently looking for a job and thus I may be very busy from time to time

I no longer ship on tumblr, nor do I write nsfw at all; this is more a matter of personal preference, as I've had poor experiences with such in the past and would rather avoid it

For me, the KH fandom was a mixed experience, both good and bad. So, I'll be selective about who I follow back and what kind of interactions I'll engage with

The muse in question - Luxia - has made contact with other worlds before. Considering the nature of both KH and of the multiverse my friends and I run, he can talk to just about anyone from any reality. He's currently befriending some Undertale-based skeletons on Discord, for example, and living in a variant of the OT, where a lot of the UTMV centers around

I no longer write face to face for personal reasons, both a lack of time and a lack of interest. I might start a multi-para sideblog but that's very unlikely

I only use DMs for OOC interactions, not for IC. That, too, is simply personal preference. I'd rather discuss how a private conversation goes than use the DMs to write it

As for the muse himself, Luxia is a heavily developed/divergent variant of Marluxia from Kingdom Hearts. Here's a few things of note about him:

Luxia is somewhere in his mid-thirties but with how much time fuckery has gone on he really doesn't know how old he is anymore

He's not really a Nobody anymore, he's something else entirely. That something else is subject to change a bit as I never got much time to explore the mechanics of it previously

He can be a bit of a dick; I, as the mun, do not agree with everything that comes out of this prick's mouth. If that's not your cup of tea, you're free to unfollow

I have multiple variants of him and may make sideblogs for those or for related muses in the future. The blog itself is single-verse and will mostly be idle chatting, not serious plotting

This variant in particular deviated shortly before the events of Chain of Memories, so they do not apply to him. I know he's a controversial character because of them, please don't apply that logic when it comes to Luxia. I don't mind IC assumptions being made because of them, but OOC they just don't apply

For now this is all I have the energy for, but I'll be adding more to this post later, so do keep an eye on it going forward. I'm not experienced with mobile blogs, so I might need to experiment with mobile-friendly formats going forward that are comfortable for everyone. Personally, I'm on browser tumblr more than mobile, do keep that in mind.

That being said, I'll see y'all around!

[runfast-runfar]

I'm so stressed and just sad right now. The last week has been so rough and just made me feel incredibly alone and disheartened.

I've had some ongoing health stuff going on for a few months now, and it got significantly worse this past week, so that is one stressful thing going on.

And then I have a friend who I have had a weekly coffee date tradition for almost 2 years now, and it is one of the most comforting, consistent, and just one of my favorite parts of the week each week. We're both unemployed atm and she just got a temp job and so we didn't meet this past week which I totally understand and get. And then we made loose plans next week to have dinner one night since she'll be working and our usual coffee date likely won't work for the time, and she just texted saying her friend reminded her of plans on Monday, so that is off now. She isn't really good with putting in a ton of effort with plans, like she forgets often (across the board, not just with me. She definitely overbooks herself and it causes things to fall through pretty often). And so it feels like the beginning of no longer having those Wednesday morning hangouts anymore. And it's just making me so stressed and sad and a little bit angry. Not at her really, I get this is just life to a degree. But it sucks when it's one person who cares more or puts in more effort for consistency. And truthfully I know that is just because I value consistency and predictability more so than most do. And maybe when we both get permanent jobs again and have a schedule they're will be consistency or routine again but right now there's not. And it's honestly the worst timing with losing something so comforting at such a chaotic and stressful time. But I understand that's life. It just makes me so sad, and it's been really hard to navigate alone.

[kinthinia]

Life Update

I don't really talk about my personal life online anymore, but I find myself wanting to today.

I used to shout into the ether over in my deviantart days, but I feel a little like I've outgrown that site. And also that site for writing is kind of dead, and didn't tumblr start out as a blog anyways?

I don't actually know the answer to that question...

Two years ago, I got engaged. I was working at a job I loved. What I didn't know at the time, was that the job I was working at was slowly, insidiously becoming more and more toxic. I was told when I signed up that it was a small, quiet office, and I really believed that. Mondays were the busy day, I did the scheduling for just two people, it was good.

But when I needed to get a sub to cover my position, they'd cover one vacation and often decline because the office was busy. Busy was the answer I kept getting back. And the people I worked for kept insisting the office was slow and how lucky I was to work in such a slow-moving office.

I made average, normal mistakes and was shamed in front of clients and given no way to voice how I was feeling because every reprimand was done in public in front of clients. I can't tell you how small that makes you feel.

This culminated in my work putting together a staff meeting and I was really excited to be able to voice my side of things, of how busy the office had actually started to feel for me, how I couldn't keep up with anything. But I couldn't quite pinpoint why. But instead, my employers sat me down and told me that I was the problem, that it was my mental health, that I had depression.

I didn't get to share my side of the story.

I went to my doctor. I was diagnosed with anxiety and low mood, PTSD, RSD and a handful of other diagnoses that have no bearing or major influence on my life that I can't even remember all of them. Minor doctor lingo stuff for putting feelings inside of boxes with a neat little label that is seldom useful.

I started seeing a therapist. She aslo agreed with my doctor that my anxiety and low mood weren't actually impacting me at my job, because my PTSD manifests in heavy masking and I would almost rather die than break down or fail at my performance based job.

I stopped writing. I just... couldn't. I had a window where I had a good thing going before it literally blew up in my hands.

I want to say, all of this was going on while I was knee-deep in planning a wedding.

A month and a half before my wedding, my work informed me that my hours were being cut. Effective within a week. They'd hired someone to replace me. They reminded me during this 'meeting' that I hadn't earned 23$ an hour as a wage because they'd noticed that I wasn't keeping up with the workflow. I asked in what way and they stated "let's not talk about specifics."

They hired a temp I had cover me for a week during xmas, the deadest week of the year and said that the office flowed so much smoother when she was around. Geez, wonder how that's possible.

For some context, I went from having 2 people who's schedules I booked. ALSO these people didn't tell me until maybe 2 weeks beforehand if they had a major meeting or anything going on, and I was expected to just know they had this as an issue.

Anyways. They hired my replacement at 30$ an hour.

I stuck it out because my wedding was less than a month away. I got married. My employers who were supposed to be in my party and show up, called like 14 hours before my wedding to cancel.

I was effectively let go while I was on my week off to celebrate my wedding.

I want to mention around this point I did start taking medication to some success.

I found a new job. I didn't transition well. I got another job. It's been nearly a year and I finally feel like I'm settling in and I don't have to worry about being stabbed in the back.

I want to preface this by saying, like the way I got hired at that initial job was because I was friends with the owner. The employer behind everything. Did you know she didn't even message me congrats until a week after my wedding that she was supposed to be in? Not even a condolence from her or her husband after my mom died.

And I'd known her husband for six years. Six years.

I'm obviously better off without them, that much is more than clear, but also....

Writing has been hard. Life has been hard.

I've been very... empty for the last two years. Despite my marriage being amazing, my husband is great, my wedding was amazing, everything else around that, including parts of my honeymoon have been an empty, agonizing.... blah. Blegh. A nothingness. The absence of warmth, if you will.

ANYWAYS it's been 3 weeks without that feeling. And I've started writing again. I'm 6 campaigns deep into Baldur's Gate 3. I like k-pop now.

If you made it this far, thanks for sticking with me.

[i-fondued]

Please ignore my whining I need to organize my thoughts and this is a place without irl people 🙃

So good-ish news? I got the second job I was going for. But like...I already work like 45 hours a week at my current job and I'm always exhausted as it is. But like we desperately need more income coming in till my husband graduates in late January/early February. It's also retail pharmacy which I swore I wouldn't go back to especially after covid but like I asked for 25 an hour and they didn't even bat an eyelash. Meanwhile I'm making 23 an hour with 4x the responsibilities currently at my full time job.

Which is also miserable honestly, like I LOVE my job so much but management is just fucking awful and they care about the money and couldn't care less about patient care. I even told my husband I was tempted to see if the retail pharmacy would give me full time hours and I'd just go back to retail but like physically I don't think I could go back to patient facing anymore ahaha.

I'm just restless and apathetic; my therapist said it sounds like I'm having a midlife crisis which is hilarious cause I'm not even 30 yet. Like it's the episode of SpongeBob where squidward slowly gets depressed living in his little perfect community. That's me, I'm just slowly melting. Like I'm making 4x what my mom made when she was my age and I'm struggling even more than she was. It's not fair.

Then my mom and my aunt have the audacity to be like oh well Laurel is sick and you wouldn't send her to a normal daycare if she was sick. Like...yes I would??? She doesn't have a temp, she's just got a drippy nose and a gross cough? We can't give her anything for any of it, we just have to wait it out. My fucking mother was like "I NEVER would have sent you out when you were this sick". Um. Yeah because when I was 2 and a 1/2 YOU DIDNT WORK. YOU STAYED HOME WITH ME TILL I STARTED SCHOOL AND WE WERE A ONE INCOME HOUSEHOLD AND SO INCREDIBLY POOR. Like if my mom didn't have her siblings idk where we would have ended up.

I'm sorry I have to go to work?? To provide for my children?? TO BE ABLE TO PAY MY AUNT TO WATCH THE CHILDREN YOU ARE BOTH COMPLAINING ABOUT HAVING WHILE THEY ARE SICK??? Like if I don't go to work just one day, I miss out on an entire bill and we fall behind and we are one bad week away from falling too far behind and loosing everything. I'm so frustrated about the whole situation I was so angry I almost started crying in anger when I was trying to keep calm when my aunt was making comments.

Not to mention, I almost started crying at work over all the stress of having 2 people out, the phone nonstop ringing, and just useless coworkers. I'm stretched thin, and the only thing bringing me joy is writing. I wish I could be good enough to publish, to make my stories get out there and make the work I've put into then bring me money back. Something that brings me joy instead of stress.

My friend suggested I start a patreon and start posting chapters a day early for people who pledge a dollar or more; or have exclusive stories posted on there for people to get early access to but like...idk. it feels kinda weird to do for fanfiction, and like it's not really about money for me. I just want to be able to share these things with people who enjoy them with me? But like if I had an extra 50 or even 100 a month from it, that covers a single bill which makes a difference for our little family.

Idk I'm just rambling now, I'm just in a weird mental state I think. I have my period which I'm sure is making me more emotional too. I just want to be able to be rewarded for how hard I work and how much I care about these patients and I feel like my boss is actually punishing me instead. Healthcare can be so rewarding for someone like me but it can also be a hellscape because the US doesn't have universal healthcare.

Anyways I'm fine 🙂

[radiocrypt-id]

I get heat exhaustion every year, I'm incredibly heat susceptible. My meds make it way worse. I get Heat stroke at least once a year, often more. It's so dangerous for me to be outside when it's above 25 degrees celsius. Above 20 can still be hard/dangerous if I'm not careful. I was built to withstand the cold. I grew up next to the ocean in canada, on a tiny island (iykyk). I grew up in ice storms and -40 degrees celsius every winter, with the wind in the summer from the ocean never letting it get above 20. My body has never acclimated to higher temps, now that I live on the mainland and more inland away from water. I've been forced to work summers, outside, in incredible heat, by employers that didn't believe me or called me lazy. I then went to the hospital, from every one of those jobs. I can't work at all anymore, I'm disabled, but it was so well known, while I was working, that I was The Heat Guy, that when someone else started getting sick randomly and it was hot, they called me. Even if I wasn't working, my managers would call me, a random employee, instead of the rn line. I would yell at them, repeatedly, for poor conditions, restricted access to water (I worked retail/public facing jobs, where you weren't allowed to carry a water bottle, no matter how hot, but also weren't allowed to go to the staff room when you needed), and cheap control over the ac (if there was one). I only ever had one boss actually listen to me, and it was the owner of the place I worked at the time. And only because his daughter, who worked there, got crazy sick at work. She called me, not her father, to tell me her symptoms and ask what to do. She was too afraid to call an ambulance so I texted her father while one the phone with her, to inform him his daughter was dying of Heat stroke and was too scared to tell him. His daughter had to get very sick and be rushed to the hospital for him to listen to me about the dangerous heat exposure in his fucking building.

That being said, fuck your bosses! Risk getting sick or don't, but don't be quiet about it! Complain! put in paperwork! Every time anyone ever gets heat exhaustion, record it! Every time a boss insists it's "not that bad" and goes back to their fucking ac office, record it! If you have a corporate, send them your records and complaints! If you go to the hospital due to your works negligence, get proof of it and add it to your records! Make sure they know that you are unhappy with their disregard for your safety! I don't care what your job is, inside a building or out, if it's hot and you're being neglected, tell someone! Work with your doctor if you need to, make sure they have a record of every time your work has gotten you ill. Get them to fill out whatever paperwork is needed for accommodations to be met, get the fucking doc notes to hand to your manager that says it's unsafe to be in excessive heat. Cover your ass but be LOUD.

Don't die for them. Don't get sick for them. They don't care about you, don't care about them. Stay safe, protect yourself first.

For all of the northerners that stood up for Texas during our freeze and said, "Don't make fun of them, they've never dealt with this before. Their infrastructure isn't made for snow and freezing."

This one is for you.

Where I live 108°F with 80% humidity with no wind is normal.

Pacific North West is dealing historic best waves 35-40°C or 95-105°F.

First of all. Don't make fun of them for bitching about the heat. Just like Texas isn't built for a freeze and our pipes burst, Pacific North West isn't built for heat and a lot of their homes don't have AC.

If you live somewhere with a high humidity like 80+ HUMIDITY IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. The "humidity makes it feel cooler" is a lie once it gets beyond a point.

If you live somewhere with a lower humidity, misters are nice to cool off outside.

Once you get over 90°F (32°C) a fan will not help you. It's just pushing around hot air. (I mean if you can't afford a small AC unit because they're expensive as hell, by all means a fan is better than nothing).

If you have pets, those portable AC units aren't safe. If your pets destroy the outtake thing, it'll leak CO2. Window units are safer.

Window AC units will let mosquitoes or other small bugs in. Sucks, but that's life.

Now is not the time to me modest. If you have to cover for religious reasons, by all means. If you don't, I've seen people wear short shorts and a swim top. It's not trashy if it keeps you from getting heat stroke.

If you do have to cover up for religious reasons, look for elephant pants or something similar. They're made with a breathable material.

Shade is better than no shade, but that shit it just diet sun after some point. Don't think shade will save you from heat stroke.

I know the "drink your water" is a fun meme now, but if you're sweating excessively you need electrolytes. Drink Gatorade, Powerade, or Pedialite PLEASE. I don't care if you're fucking sitting in one spot all day. That shit WILL save you from heat stroke.

Most importantly. RESEARCH THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HEAT STROKE AND HEAT EXHAUSTION PLEASE!

If you're diabetic and can't drink Gatorade, mix water, fruit juice, and either lite salt or pink salt

If you can afford it, cover windows with thick curtains to insulate the house

If you have tile floors, lay on them with skin to tile contact. If you don't, laying your head on cool counters works too.

If the temperature where you're at is hotter than your body temperature, don't wear heat wicking clothing. Moisture wicking is safe though.

Check your medication labels. Many make you more susceptible to sun and heat

-Room temperature water will get into your body faster. This is something I learned doing marching band in high summer in Georgia, and it saved all of our asses. Sip it, don't gulp it, especially if you're getting into the red; same goes for whatever fluid you're drinking. And just in general drink during the day.

-If you are moving from an air conditioned space to an un-air conditioned space, if at all possible try to make the shift gradual. When my dad and I were working outside and in un-ac houses a few years ago, he'd turn the air down to low in the truck about ten-fifteen minutes before we got where we were going. This way your body doesn't go from low low temps to high temps. S'bad for you.

-If you can, keep your lights off during the day. Light bulbs may not generate a lot of heat, but the difference is noticeable when it gets hot enough. I literally only turn my bedroom light on in the evening when it gets too dark.

Don't be afraid to just like... pour water on yourself if you need to. The evaporation will cool you off.

Put your hand to the cement for 15 seconds. If you can't handle the heat, it'll burn your dog's paws. Don't let them walk on it.

Dogs with flat faces are more prone to heat stroke. Don't leave them out unsupervised.

Frozen fruit is delicious in water.

Wet/Cold hat/handkerchief on your head/neck will help you stay cool.

Pickle juice is great for electrolytes! You can even make pickle juice Popsicles!

Heat exhaustion is more, "drink water and get you cooled off." Heat stroke is more "Oh my god call 911."

Image Description provided by @loveize

[Image description: an infographic showing the difference between heat exhaustion and heat stroke. The graphic is labeled "Heat Dangers: First Warning." Signs of heat exhaustion: faint or dizzy, excessive sweating, cool, pale, clammy skin, rapid, weak pulse, muscle cramps. If you think you or someone else may be experiencing heat exhaustion, get to a cool, air-conditioned place, drink water if conscious, and take a cool shower or use cold compress. Signs of heat stroke: throbbing headache, no sweating, red, hot, dry skin, rapid, strong pulse, may lose consciousness. If you think you or someone else may be experiencing heat stroke, call 911. End description]

Be safe.

-fae

[ghostoftheyear]

I just need to take a moment to thank the random person on Tumblr who posted about the OOD, a program that helps Ohioans with any kind of disabilities. I have no idea who reblogged it onto my dash either, but I am so grateful, because thanks to them, I managed to apply to it, I saw someone about setting up a case in April, and I got a letter a couple of weeks ago saying that my case had been accepted. I just heard from the person who's going to be working with me and I have an appointment for next week. They're supposed to help me file for Medicaid and start looking for employment, which will probably mean some assessment and job training.

It seems weird that I'd need that, but I'm 51 and never had a career of any kind. I didn't finish college for reasons that I'm sure are ADHD-related; I never had a career path or employment goal. I bounced around various temp jobs in secretarial/data entry type stuff until I got the job at the IRS, which was a fluke (back then they advertised on TV and you could just go apply for seasonal hiring), and I ended up there for 20 years without having any real long-term plans. Even there, I was in error correction (fixing all sorts of issues on returns so that they'd post); it was far more about problem-solving than anything. I even wrote an instruction manual for a rarely-used form because of falling into a side program there. But I'm not an accountant or have any desire to be, and I still can't really describe what I want to do for a living. You know, aside from writing and drawing, which isn't exactly a dream job anymore.

So I'm really hopeful that this will help me get an ADHD diagnosis, get me a bit healthier, and above all get me pointed in a direction toward something that will actually let me earn a living again. Cross your fingers for me! (Hey, maybe the money snake helped after all...)

[havethetouch]

Mhh my vacation is over tomorrow, woe is me :( Nah it ain't so bad actually I got a good gig going but like two meetings in the morning tomorrow and two or three more the rest of the week and while I am used to them I kinda not feeling holding presentations to people currently XD If I'm lucky we have a slow start into the season but people probably gonna kick up the infrastructure changes hard. Oh well. Don't get me wrong I do like my job actually I am really just not feeling it. Mostly probably because I am in the middle of a flareup that came around a couple of days ago. The good thing is I still have the better medication on hand that I received in the hospital last year because of the same issue so I got it handled but sometimes symptoms go down a lil too much and I forget this is still ongoing and bäm, rub my eye to hard and it swells shut on me, bump into anything and my skin swells in defense. It's fun. The meds make me a lil loopy but other than that I'm good.

I had actually a rather busy week, I mean I shoved in some leisure time, drawing, some knitting but mostly working on the house and planning out some more things. I have like two calendars going it is great. Idk despite my body being a bit of a bitch and the meds I have a lot of energy suddenly I am not used to that anymore, clearly but I got so much shit done it's awesome. So yah, overall I am kicking this year off highly productive which is lovely. And yesterday I was like "hoo boy can't wait to kick of planting and pruning and stuff" - only to wake up today at 7am to darkness and a snowstorm to remind me that winter is not over yet. So first thing I did was half asleep crawling outside into the shed for more briquettes to sacrifice to my fireplace and fire that baby up because the cold was creeping into my sleeping area and we can't have that. Auntie told me later on a visit that temps gonna fall below zero into double digits so imma keep that fire burning for a bit to have an even temp when the cold really hits again.

But yeah all in all the year has started really well for me so far. Lovely. :)

[moonlightperseus]

It's completely fine dw about it. I haven't been a person so I took a while too I completely understand.

I find something I like and I stick to it lmao

I also have a friend going down the nursing path and she encourages me fully and is so excited and I love her and also she constantly tells me how every single nurse that knew she was going into nursing told her not to. So. Hopefully that works for you, the change could certainly be good. And it's good you have a backup if you need it. And you can ramble about your personal life I don't mind dw.

That's fine I get that!! Personally I would never read green lantern comics because ew green lantern but that's obviously a personal opinion. I get that. And that's fair!! I haven't read anything really with Donna Troy either aside from some parts in a Wonderwoman comic I never finished.

Hand sanitizer and I aren't as close as we could be due to the Multiple times I've sanitised my hands so I didn't have to fully wash them (I knew I only needed to wash them for mentally ill reasons) and then I proceed to actually just make dust appear all over my hands

I think something really sad happens (I promise that's not a spoiler I genuinely have no clue if it's even those books or even what it is) and that intrigues me because I love pain. But the used book is a large hurdle. I'm glad you're enjoying it!! I've only ever heard good things. And yes! I have seen, multiple times, unfortunately that's ✨American only✨ but thank you

Admittedly I haven't read anymore but that's the whole not a person thing it's not a comment on the comics. And that's fair!! I'm very excited for Kate!!

No that's fair I agree I power through so many comics just for Dinah

It should be grape juice honestly I think that would be more fun

Understandable. They need to love each other all the time constantly no matter what.

I wouldn't spoil it anyway but I can't remember. It's cool that you're having new bonus ideas it's always interesting to see what people think!!

Recently at my work we got a full renovation so we had construction workers in and there was this one guy I called Music Man Jake and he had Tons of batman tattoos (it might've just been 2 I don't remember) but I said "so you like batman?" And he said "yeah, y'know why? Because he can beat superman which means he's the best" and I was like no I don't think that's what that means I think they can both be beaten and said "yeah by who?" And I told him that I'm pretty sure there's like canon instances where Wonderwoman beat both of them and he told me that that was fake and I was lying.

It IS a strange one yeah that's for sure

well i have unfortunately since received incredibly different and more drastic work change news but i have new plans i place to some extent, but ultimately my goal to make it through the holidays (very busy time for my job) has remained. and 2024 will be. very different for me but i’ll get there when i get there. honestly it’s not entirely a bad thing for me personally but it does objectively suck. but putting off thinking about the full extent of all that bc like i said. gotta get thru december. but yeah that’s a little life update for ya.

you’re valid! honestly i probably wouldn’t read green lantern comics if i didn’t have friends who love them just bc they never really. called to me before? but one thing i love is trying media beloved to my friends. and with comics especially it’s been a lot of reading things that are recommended to me because there’s way too much for me to choose on my own.

like i said i met donna in the titans tv series (another questionable comic adaptation that i unfortunately am so attached to 😔) however figuring out what to read for her does feel incredibly confusing bc she’s not like. a big dc player ig? idk we’ll see what i end up doing i have one donna troy special run open on a tab on my phone to try.

SO valid re:hand sanitizer. it’s def more of a temp fix for me when i don’t have access to properly wash my hands until i can actually wash them. which yeah maybe not the best but like. it’s manageable for me which is all that really matters.

i have finished the first raven cycle book and kinda started the second and something really sad happening definitely would fit the vibe so far, i wouldn’t say anything incredibly sad has really happened yet but there’s def the looming constant of something that’s supposed to happen at some point bc of psychic visions and all that. i started on the second book but haven’t really had a chance to read much of it however i’m heading back to my parents tomorrow so i’m gonna listen to more on the drive. i think my only complaint of the series is there’s so much concentrated Teenage Boy (and Teenage Rich Boy too) and it can be a little annoying at times bc like. the two rich boys. they have money. go to therapy. consider alternatives. think things through a little more. but even they are growing on me (one more slow than the other but it’s happening) but really it’s been fun to read so far!

:/// aw it being american only sucks i’m sorry.

again you are so valid (i say that a lot i know ahsjjdsj) re: not being a person & also not having read any more bombshells. life can be a whole lot and boy can it be hard living in it sometimes so i completely understand. and the good thing is bombshells isn’t going anywhere so there’s no rush!

okay ive now finished injustice year 5 & ground zero! i didnt make any notes this time bc i kinda was just powering thru year 5 and then i binged all of ground zero in one sitting. ground zero i just read the other night and was more enjoyable being told through harley's pov however god putting up with joker was very hard im glad harley finally was able to tell him no and also beat the shit out of him. her harley horde was so cute and i loved that for her. also seeing the alternate universe justice league (or as i called them, the REAL justice league) seeing MY diana again <333 and CLARK !! god i missed that ah shucks goofball. and i really loved the ending of harley and ivy going off to the alternate earth to help that version of harley overcome her attachment to the joker <3333 ALSO HARLEY IVY ARE ROMANTIC!!! LOVED THAT!!

in my head i’m picturing that music man jake’s birth name is like. robert or something but music man jake had a better ring so that’s what he is referred to by.

i can’t remember what it’s from (i think it might be the justice league animated show??) but there’s definitely somewhere a bit where bruce is talking about his contingency plans if any of the core JL went rogue and he had these boxes full of said contingencies but he literally like made a point of showing that diana’s box is empty because she has no weakness. and that’s remained permanently burned into my brain ever since. i absolutely believe she is stronger than superman. in some/most(?) continuities she’s literally a demigoddess. clark’s just lucky bc earth’s sun is built different 😭. but yeah she did in fact very much kick clark’s ass in injustice and was only beaten in the fight bc sinestro attacked her from behind once she already had superman on his knees. so yeah. she can definitely beat superman. that’s my no 1 takeaway from injustice year four. (and then REAL diana being able to kick injustice diana’s ass tells me that real diana CAN ALSO kick superman’s ass should the need come) but yeah. i do really love wonder woman akshakbddjs

i have to say i’m a little hesitant to start injustice 2 just bc i *liked* how year five ended and i don’t want it to be undone BUT i wanna see HER (dinah) so i will read it. i’m just debating trying year zero first, any thoughts on if i should wait to do year zero until after injustice 2 or am i fine to read it now?

hope you’re doing at least somewhat well all things considered!!

[thessalian]

Thess vs More Unexpected Absences

Well, Temp is back at least, but I swear, nobody gives anybody any notice for anything anymore and I am fed the fuck up.

See, we get an update of what's going on with the schedule every week, mostly because with some of us working from home, it's about the only way to keep up with the schedule. So today we got, "Temp is back; Goblin's got an appointment in the morning but she'll be back in the afternoon". We're not quite as badly swamped as we were, but ... it's still pretty unfortunate. Especially since the cherry-picking of the typing has got so bad it's untrue. I mean, every. Single. Annoyance, just ... left sitting there for me. And I'm still exhausted by a weekend where I didn't get enough rest and a recurring fucking migraine. But I figured, hey, at least Goblin will be back later, and Milady usually steps in from time to time and she's not too scared of the longer ones...

So today at lunchtime, we get an email: "So actually, Goblin's going to be off the entire day now, and Milady's leaving early".

.........I mean, I hope everyone's okay and everything, but why the fuck did we not get told that there was a possibility that Goblin's appointment might run long?!? And that Milady might have to take off early?

Sometimes I'm just so fed the fuck up of being the reliable one. I woke up far too early because my body was betraying me, I keep having vertigo moments, I probably should not in any way be working, but ... there it is and there I am, because unexpected absences. And of course, the cherry-picking. So while I'm having pain, vertigo, and brain-fog, I have to fight through the Annoyances while they just dawdle through the nice easy ones.

And it's still three weeks or so until I get time off.

Also, Phineas decided to throw a wobble for no apparent reason this morning after I had to restart my computer for updates (but I just installed your bullshit Windows 11; why the fuck now?!?). It just kept switching on and off at random. Thank the gods for my phone; I Googled and found out that people with this issue have luck resolving it by reseating the RAM sticks. Which I did, and it worked, so ... I mean, okay?

It's been way too rough a day, and I've still got three hours of it to go before I can, like, relax, or lie down, or something. So back I go to the grind. I hurt and I hate more or less everything right now, but it's the job. And I can't even clock off early because I'm scared of what it'll look like tomorrow. Plus I hesitate to call in sick because I'm scared of what the workload will look like after a day of me not doing it.

This was such a great job once.

[ms-demeanor]

*Peering through my glasses at some discourse on the dash*

Most humanities majors don't actually think they're going to get a dream job lecturing about their special interest at fancy universities for hundreds of thousands of dollars; they are capable of looking at their professors, who are people with PhDs in the subject they're studying who aren't doing that exact thing, and recognize that even getting a tenure-track job at a local school is a pain in the ass. Most humanities majors take easy classes that they enjoy with the understanding that they'll learn project management and research skills that will be useful in a variety of industries while absolutely seething that they are expected to get a 4-year degree for an entry-level job or a temp position.

And the vast, vast majority of humanities majors don't pay $200k for the privilege.

So I get that yeah it's fucked that people are expected to have degrees for all sorts of things that they don't need degrees for but if you're blaming the people studying humanities (or saying that studying the humanities is a luxury and should be treated as such) you're aiming at the wrong target.

For the record, I don't think there's an easy solution to this problem because I think that bullshit hiring requirements are essentially a mechanism to sort by class/neurotypicality/ability level than a tool to actually hire people who have the kinds of skills that a degree in their subject of study would confer. Maybe alongside normalizing talking about salaries we should normalize listing applicable skills and experience on resumes without talking about graduating from college, except that you don't even send resumes anymore, you fill in applications on a company's website where "level of education" is a required field.

It *IS* bullshit, but how many kids who got lit degrees at quarter-million dollar schools actually ARE there? Is this a real concern or is this a popular bogeyman? Isn't the opposite problem - kids graduating with, like, computer science degrees who have no practical experience and no current certification and can't be trusted to babysit a server farm - a bigger issue facing recent grads and hiring managers alike?

The one dude I know with a classics degree is the VP of distribution at a mid-sized seafood plant; he doesn't need that degree to do his job, and he's learned more about his job from his job than he did while signing up for summer digs in athens. That being said: he needed a degree to get the kind of job that would lead to his current job, and knew that, so he figured he might as well study a subject that he liked that gave him the opportunity to do archaeology in a beautiful place for three weeks of the year.

My degree in English Lit is totally unnecessary to my job, but it is why I got the job and it has more than paid for itself as a result (though, again, I'm a huge proponent of state schools and community colleges because I got my diploma for about twelve grand, which is about 7% of the price being cited as the cost of luxury college).

Also: if you feel secure enough in your financial situation to attend a school where a Lit degree DOES cost 50k a year you are already in the group of people who likely don't have to worry about things like 'rent' or 'getting paid a living wage in grad school' and are much more likely to be one of the people who DOES successfully land a cushy job at a nice university because you are *already* the kind of person who has a bunch of connections at USC because you could afford to consider going to USC.

[deerlambpanda]

Sorry for being annoying, 😞 I didn't know which website you would see my message on the quickest. I would like to help you with more then a temp fix, a stable and long term one. I won't send anymore messages after this.

I hope you will consider community college. The college advisors and outreach members could really help with housing and income. About three years ago I was at a low point in my life. My mom lost her job and since I lived with her, we had nowhere we could go. If it weren't for moving into a 1 bath, 300sqt studio, I would not have been able to go to college and take the courses I needed to get a job working from home, or the money to pay for a year lease at a new place for the two of us. I suffered through bad depression and colds often as well, and because of the free visits I was given by being enrolled, I was able to get the mental and health care I needed.

I know you might find it hard, it could be the hardest thing to try for. It could really help. Since this is the last time I send a message, I will honest with you. Your step-dad should not be so in control of your money. When you get a chance, change passwords or open up a separate bank account. People who have been helping out with donations want to help you more, especially with getting a new and working laptop, but they are afraid the money could be gambled away. If something happens to your laptop, the library is another place you could go and use the computers.

I'm sorry again for leaving the message on your fanfic. I hope you will have a better, and safer life.

(If you have issues with bugs again, Diamatomius Earth can help with most insects. Park ranger jobs could be a option for your step dad, if any become available. Living in a cabin/house is a part of the job, and there are cases where family can live there as well. I hope you got my message about PO Boxes as physical addresses.)

"Hi Watermelonsmellinfellon!

I know what it's like to be homeless, especially with this inflation BS. The gist of what I shared was about gig work, specifically UberEats, DoorDash, Grubhub, etc. While the latter two take a while to be approved, UberEats is pretty quick, you just provide a picture of your drivers license and vehicle registration/insurance. I got approved in about 5 days, but some people get approved even sooner. Most of the time you pull up to a fast food/normal restaurant and pick up food that is already bagged up and ready to be delivered. The main thing is getting a insulated bag to hold the food in. Then you drive to the customers address and drop it off. Doing those dropoffs should help you all get money for gas quicker. You can link your debt/bank account for payouts. If you do instant payout it will take $0.85, otherwise there is no charge for automatic payments on Monday's. I definitely recommend looking at YouTube videos under 'gig work', 'First day with UberEats', etc.

Also, another thing that could help you and your family is looking at the Facebook and Craigslist marketplace listings for houses/trailers. I have seen plenty of trailers or rooms for rent for under $1,400. Sometimes even if you qualify for it, the state run programs just can't help, you have to find a place for you, and your family. I also wanted to mention Amazon has a section for submitting your own fanfiction/stories under there Kindle Direct Program (KDP). Pretty much everything is free to use it, you only get charged a fee for selling a story or book. Also, the reviews for books can be kind of brutal.:/

Finally, have you considered using Airbnb? There are many options depending on how long you would like to stay while waiting for a spot to open. I lived for half a year with my mom at a condo by the beach with 3 beds, free wifi, and washer/dryer for about $4-5,000 all together. I don't know where you are in that state, but from doing a quick check I came across an affordable condo in Maryland, Ocean City for $1,427 based on if you checked in tomorrow until 3/18 next year. The guy who is listing it is called Nicholas. I don't personally know him, but on the listing it does say long stays are allowed, free washer in dryer in unit, and 3 bedrooms with four baths. There are plenty of other listings like that as well, I don't mind trying to help you through online searching to find a place you guys could stay. Getting a place this time of year tends to be cheaper as well in the more seaside areas as it's off the 'peak' seasons.

I don't know how to use Tumblr, but I think there's a way to add each other and talk through it? We can keep talking through here if you want. Hope you had a good Thanksgiving!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.O.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was left as a comment on my new fic where I did not even mention that I'm homeless because it's a new fic in a ship that my readers don't care about so it'll probably only be seen by new people who won't give a damn about my personal problems.

I deleted the comment but saved the contents because the intentions were good even if the execution was terrible. And it's also incredibly difficult to maintain composure and a pleasant attitude when you become irrationally pissed off all of a sudden.

One thing that needs to be made clearer. I can't get a job. Why? Mom is too disabled to be by herself for any period of time. And when even Dave cannot get a job because even the businesses around who will look past his knee brace won't accept a P.O. Box and want you to be living in a house with an address, I know I have no chance in hell cuz I'm in the same boat. That's why I started Ko-Fi.

Mom is disabled. She gets benefits from that. With Dave jobless because of his knee, we've been knocked down from a $18K yearly family, to an $8K yearly family. To put it into perspective, to qualify for housing in half of Delaware, their idea of the poverty level is a family of 4(1 child, 3 adults) making a minimum of $25K yearly. We are nowhere near that and because of that, we don't qualify for low income housing.

As for Craigslist and FB, they simply cannot be trusted. We've already done the promised 'meet-ups' and searching through both sites and it's all scams. And Dave falls for every single one and give's mom's phone number to every damn person he talks to and she's gets nothing but scam calls all day long(we know they're scams cuz when she calls back suddenly the number is no longer in service or doesn't exist anymore).

Airbnb is for people who make at least five figures a year. Mom did look into it under Bethy's pleading and for the size of our family and the specifics as well, everything was over $2K a month. Even when she lessened up on specifics, they either stayed that price or listings stopped appearing. We also can't leave Delaware because while Bethy's case worker is no longer hounding us, the case isn't closed yet. Something Dave cannot seem to grasp. We can't leave or mom and Dave will get in trouble.

The Amazon thing seems worth a try but honestly Patreon seems like it'd be easier.

I've already explained the van's condition and so that's out as an option too.

[strongislandsuperfan]

Mental Reset

I needed a reset recently. It was months in the making, but it was necessary. I needed time away from my hobbies, from barbecuing, from my job and even from family.

I'm almost hesitant to write this. It seems like the issue of mental health has become this obscure topic that is either met with disingenuous sympathy or with a dismissive attitude. You never know what someone is going thru or what might be that one thing that'll trigger that person and set them off. I've been very close to that point. I have been for a while. I find it difficult to discuss for several reasons. I don't want to be judged. I don't want to be misunderstood anymore. I know what my mind is clear about. However, as much as I have grown as a person, in my spiritual life and personal life, mentally, I still struggle. I'm not there yet.

I needed a mental rest. We all do. To believe otherwise is just flat out denial of not resolving the inner turmoil that we all feel. It has affected my marriage, my job performance and even my interactions with colleagues, co-workers, peers, friends and family. Before you all think this is some sort of attention grabbing post or a cry for help, I need you to stop your premature judgements and your overthinking and hear me out. I did have that at one timenin my life; someone that I could vent to. Two people, who were like brothers to me. Unfortunately, they passed away in 2020 and 2021. Now, my release has come back to my first passion, which is writing. As I write this, please read with an open mind and reflect. That is something I've learned, especially during this pandemic. We need to take the time. Literally, take time.

Being in the workforce, even before the pandemic, has taken its toll. I haven't taken serious time to sit down and reflect until the week of March 1st, 2022. I reflected on all that was accomplished and how I've proven doubters wrong. I was told in 2007 that I was too young to get married and that my wife and I would be divorced in a year. 15 years later, we're still together. I was told that, with my limited to no prior experience in IT that I would be lucky if I even got hired at all. This was in 2009. In 2022, I have more than a decades-worth of experience, in 7 different cities and in 4 different states (even though the one in Louisiana was just a temp job) and in 2 different sectors if IT; audio-visual and desktop. I was even told that I'd never become a home owner. I remember a former co-worker in Texas telling me to my face, "Mikey, you got a crappy credit score, no assets and no prospects, only making $40,000 a year. You'll be lucky if you even qualify for a chicken shack." I was also told by someone else (this one is my personal favorite and I mean that sarcastically), "Dude, the only way you're gonna get a house, let alone anything else in this world is if you kick in the door with a machine gun...and even then, its still a longshot for you." On Jan. 25th, 2022, I became a homeowner, even with my "crappy" credit score. Looking back, I can say that I've had an extraordinary history of proving doubters and haters wrong.

I could pat myself on the back, but I'd be unbearably arrogant if I didn't acknowledge the bad parts or the mistakes that I've made.

I also reflected on my mistakes and bad choices, from chasing money thru odd jobs to making premature decisions regarding my well-being to burning bridges and losing friendships with people that I use to respect or use to respect me. I've also squandered opportunities and promotions for myself, either because I gave an opinion or spoke my mind when it was uncalled for or because I couldn't control my temper. I've also disappointed people and let people down, because I wasn't humble enough or too stubborn to listen to reason. I do apologize to everyone for that. I do not expect anything in return for this except for this one factor. Now, I get it. I will spare you the self-pity because truth be told, I should of learned these things sooner. No one taught me. I've been operating in survival mode since the day I was born. I'm just now learning how to turn it off and let it go.

For those reading this, thinking that any one who is able-bodied and willing to grind should be put thru the mill like a well-oiled machine, meeting business needs and reaching personal goals, while trying to live up to the expectations of other people's opinions, keep one factor in mind; I am human. I am not a machine. I cannot be perfect 24/7. I cannot be a emotionless punching bag, with skin like leather. I cannot be the most knowledgeable person all the time, and I promise you that its not because I'm so lackadaisical that I refuse to give an effort or because nobody likes a know-it-all. It is simply what I just said. I am human. I am doing the best that I can. I am not asking for sympathy or a basket of bread & roses for taking care of responsibilities that are common routines. I am asking for myself and others like me, for understanding, compassion, fairness and patience.

This is not a cry for help or even a "red flag" that everyone needs to overthink or worry themselves over. This isn't even sour grapes. This not only reflection, but a release for me to forgive and ask for forgiveness.

Forgive me if I wasn't at my best. Forgive me if I didn't reach my full potential. The truth is, I was never taught how. I had to learn the trial by fire way. Yes, I am a better person because of it, but I do carry scars. Deep scars that are not just physical, but spiritual and emotional as well. Forgive me if I was the monster you never imagined that I am. Sorry if that sounds like self-loathing. I know I'm a good guy, but I understand myself enough to know how horrible I can be and it's not on purpose. You can blame my great-grandma, Jerusha Sanford for that. Regardless, I have gotten to a place where I do acknowledge my triggers and I can handle it, in a more positive and productive way, instead of walking around as a pouty man-child that constantly gives excuses for tantrums and tirades. Forgive me if I ever gave the impression that I never believed in myself because the truth is I never have, until life itself backed me into a corner and I was left with two options: either give up and commit suicide or rise up and fight back. I chose to fight. It's the New Yorker in me, mixed with a little Texas grit.

I do have 3 regrets:

1) I didn't take a reset to self-examine sooner.

2) This message may come off wrong or frighten you or offend those of you who feel that a post like this has no place here, but these uncomfortable and odd-fitting posts & conversations need to happen. I wish I had the courage to do it more openly without being judged or scrutinized.

3) I never learned how to relax or chill out. Sometimes, its not even that serious. I am guilty of taking myself too seriously or putting too much pressure on myself. Despite mistakes, I see that I have accomplished more than I realized and surpassed limits that I thought I could never push pass. What I've learned is that experience can be a cruel teacher. Sometimes, it'll give the exam before the lesson. I am grateful that I get to wake up everyday, a little wiser and a little more humble, knowing what I know now.

Do I have it all together? No. Did this recent time off give me the mental reset that can absolutely fix everything? No. However, it is a step in the right direction. This factor is what I'm thankful for.

[frogsandfries]

Useless

Ugh had a migraine again today. It started weird, last night as I was trying to sleep, the nerve in the back of me neck, the one that always hurts when I have a migraine, it felt like the whole thing got, I dunno, stomped on or something.

My doctor took my excedrin away, which is fine? It's causing damage to my liver that she mistook for me being a heavy drinker, plus it doesn't work as well anymore. But the new thing doesn't really seem to work. It just made me sleepy, which is what migraines do to me anyway.

So I kinda just slept............a lot, yikes. And instead of being at work.

Work isn't working for me. I've never had a job make me so tired. And then they want me to pick up their overtime that no one wants because they took away PTO-spending. Well, not just me. All of the temps. Which is what I'm going to blame for me getting into this predicament, this migraine today. I am certain it was brought on by days of poor eating and not staying appropriately hydrated. Which is a whole thing when you talk for a living, and work in an arid climate.

I was in the car the other day, to get to my appointment, and I was reminded that I really love where I live. The mountains are just *chef kiss*. It always reminds me how my entire childhood, on some level or another, I wanted to live in a mountainous region. When I finally got the chance to do just that, I was scared I'd hate it, like almost always happens when you imagine having something that you finally get. For once, it was more than I ever imagined. The sunsets, watching the clouds roll in--in Wisconsin, fog is just..... wet, oppressive, it just hangs in the air. In the mountains, you can watch it roll over you and it just feels different.

I was listening to Old Gods of Appalachia over the weekend, while I was diamond painting, and--I grew up in Wisconsin, swear on my grandma’s grave, but talking about Appalachian culture and things........ it's so strange, it feels like talking about somewhere I was intimately familiar with at one point in my life. I also see tons and tons of Appalachian influences in the way I grew up, strangely. My dad never talked about living in mountains or anything. He talked about living between Wisconsin and California with his own mother, but his emphasis on manners and some of the food he would cook didn't seem very Wisconsin or California. Some of his turns of phrase were very southern. But where? That, I don't know.

But I'm really certain, at least in the village where I spent the majority of my childhood, that the Appalachian influences didn't come from there. The white people there were almost certain straight from Germany.

Anyway, it's such a weird, actually crazy thing to say. I don't believe in ghosts or reincarnation. I don't know why Appalachian culture feels so familiar. Maybe it's just some forgotten fixation. Then again, I've been setting my stories in the Appalachian ranges since just before I started middle school. Who knows.