#Bats and Birds

[frownyalfred]

the dumbest thing a Gotham goon can say isn’t “you want some more??” to an injured and retreating Batman. it’s actually “next time I’ll get that little bird with you too!”

Batman will come back running on two broken legs just to kindly separate you from all of your adult teeth, your fingernails, and your ability to piss in a straight line because what the fuck did you just say

[maviyenot]

[nighhtwing]

alfred & bruce's relationship in gotham tv is so based. ur telling me bruce told alfred some asshole hit him and insulted martha wayne and alfred TAUGHT BRUCE HOW TO PUNCH AND DROVE TO THAT KID'S HOME JUST TO HAVE BRUCE PUNCH THE KID. alfred fucking pennyworth u absolute madman. no wonder bruce dresses up as a bat and fights crime as a grown ass adult

[catacoves]

caped crusader pics dropped and we’re getting fat alfred who cheered

[thegurlwhoisntthere]

Batfam Idea

What if when Dick was going through his phase (it wasn’t really a phase but for the purposes of this post that’s what I’m calling it) of naming everything “bat___”

He starts in the cave, as normal, that’s the Batcave with the batcomputer, with batfiles. And over there is the Batmobile and we fight with battarangs and—

You get the idea. Bruce tried to fight it at first but within a week he’s like “what’s the harm with theming a little more” and it’s fine…

Until it spreads to the manor.

Now he’s calling the kitchen the batkitchen, the paintings are batpaintings, and the furniture is batfurniture, and this is going to be a problem. So Bruce tries to convince him that they can’t call them that because secret identities and that doesn’t work because why would people care what we call the rooms in our house, Bruce?

Clearly that doesn’t work so he goes a different route and tells him they can’t call them bat-things because bats live in caves and underground, so the manor wouldn’t count. This stops it for a little while, until Dick gets it in head that that means all the interior rooms (no windows) are batrooms and all the other rooms (with windows) are birdrooms. If bats get the underground and enclosed, then birds get the above and open space.

This sticks and remains largely unchanged until Tim joins the family. Tim hears Dick explaining the difference between the bat and bird rooms and immediately goes “not nearly specific enough”

They then go around to each room and come up with different bird related names for them, going as far as changing the names of rooms on the floorplans and the surveillance cameras.

By the time anyone else joins or rejoins the family the rooms are physically labeled like: Warbler Sunroom, Humminbird’s kitchen, and Honeycreeper hall.

Alfred kind of loves it and helped them choose little signs that don’t clash with the manor’s existing style.

Bruce, on the other hand…. He wants to hate it, he really does, but it does make it easier to reference specific parts of the manor without having to give specific directions like “the 22nd room on the second floor in the east wing, with the portraits of blah blah blah” he can just say “the woodpecker’s den” and they all know exactly what he’s talking about.

Why is this relevant?

Imagine, if you will, Bruce trying to explain this to people who don’t live in or frequent the manor. Imagine he’s in an interview and he’s telling a story about something his kids did and he’s slips in, “and so I got to the Flamingo’s hideaway and—“ and the interviewer interrupts like “you got to the what’s huh???”

And now you have Bruce blushing and stammering, genuinely because he didn’t mean to let anyone know about this, but it’s become habit to refer to the rooms like this and..

Idk I just think it’s a fun lil’ concept

[spocks-husband]

So, one of my guilty pleasures is this self insert story line I have in which my persona is a child that Bruce had when he first came back to Gotham after he finished his training, when he was still working on his Brucie Wayne™ and didn't quite remember that one night stands do indeed have consequences-- and so as each Robin/Batgirl/etc comes into his life, they have this tiny baby brother who's just always in the manor. Of course, Bruce is super protective (especially because the baby doesn't have the best health) and so whenever he asks if he can be Robin at some point it's a very stiff refusal-- but he ends up doing some training with Oracle and then eventually (with the help of his Dad and Lucius and Tim) builds some mobility aids that actually allow him to function in the field just as well as everyone else does while still having his hands available, and becomes their reconnaissance and undercover expert!

But my point being that, even though it's kind of embarrassing because it's a self insert, I'm OBSESSED with the idea of Teen Dad!Bruce having a baby at home when he first starts off as Batman, Dick getting to be a big brother way earlier and teaching the baby circus tricks (which terrifies Bruce to no end), Jason walking him to school every morning and making it impossible for him to make friends because he's constantly glaring at anyone who gets too close to him, Tim basically getting a twin because he's about the same age-- it's silly but it brings me so much joy.

[psychokatrixxxy]

So my bf sent me an Instagram reel where Batman is holding up one of the Robins (I think Dick) and he says, "Spectacular, give me 14 of them."

My bf asked me if B was at 14 at this point (not just Robins, but just bats and birds in general, doesnt matter if they are or aren't his kids or kids in general, tho we didnt count Kate).

So, we started counting. Including characters like Carrie Kelley, and Terry and Matthew Mcginnis, the answer is yes. B is not only at 14, but he is past it....

I know we joke a lot about Mr. "I work alone" very much not working alone... but this is ridiculous.

Every time I think I know of them all, I learn about more!

[applepiwri]

au idea where all batman’s kids never became vigilantes/heros and all went straight to villainy.

why, you ask? because bruce was out so much dealing with gotham rogues and the justice league that they hardly see him anymore. and, after all, the best way to get the bats attention in gotham is to be an absolute menace.

imagine bruce coming back from some long mission off-world to find that gotham has several new rogues who have seemingly staked a claim on different parts of the city. they are all causing panic and havoc.

dick gets to flip around the city and cause his own brand of chaos, jason gets to try and run crime alley again, tim finally gets to have his villain arc(he’s so been planning this for months guys), damian is releasing so many animals from the zoo and getting them sent off to places that will rehabilitate them, cass is having a blast just stalking bruce while he is losing his mind on various gotham rooftops, and duke keeps using his abilities to like, flash bang creeps and assholes on the streets in broad day light. babs is probably eating popcorn and hacking into bruce’s comms with alfred to watch the chaos unfold. steph went around in a fake batman costume, really poorly mimicking bruce’s voice, and saying the most random shit to civilians.

the opportunists are endless. the plot holes are prevalent, but ignored

[unwhelve]

Ik we call them the bats + birds bc like. BATman and ROBIN, but I would like to list who I think is a bat or a bird.

Bruce: bat obviously.

Dick: bird, very pretty bird

Jason: Bat all the way

Tim: bird idk why but it feels right

Babs: bird but like a hawk specially

Damian: bat but I could be persuaded

Duke: Birdy, again idk why it just fits

Alfred: bird

Cass: bat

Steph: a third, more sinister thing (I couldn't decide but I was leaning bird)

Kate: a very pissed off bat

Selina: trick question she's a cat that is trying to eat all of the bird family members

And bonus; Brucie is a bird.

Now you may be asking, "what defines a bird or a bat?" And to that I say—

[ruoshik0]

Question.

Does the Batfamily have contingency plans for each other???

Like when Tim inevitably goes supervillain/rogue, does the Big Bat bring out the ‘How to take Tim ‘resident smart guy of the birds’ Drake down and contained’ and it just includes a lot of sleeping agents and whatnot to make the guy sleep the caffeine away and turn normal???

If Dick goes bad, they just bring out hugs and affections and just hope the guy calms down becomes a big bro again and so and so forth?????

What about Babs??????? HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH A MASTER HACKER?????? ARE THEIR CONTINGENCY PLAN JUST…… BEG THE WOMAN????

DOES BRUCE HAVE A CONTINGENCY PLAN FOR HIMSLEF????????????????

[lilituism]

Happy holidays everyone!

[frownyalfred]

things that make Gotham criminals say “oh shit”:

Batman showing up to the hideout and not asking any questions

Nightwing cracking his escrima sticks together with 0 witty banter or foreplay

Red Hood when his hands are shaking

Injured Robin and Batman known to be in near proximity 

Any sightings of Batman on Robin II’s death anniversary

Superman in Gotham without an escort

Batman speeding through the Narrows on a motorcycle and not the Batmobile

Red Hood abandoning his guns and throwing punches instead

Robin fighting with a sword and 0 supervision

Jim Gordon trying to quit cigarettes for the 19th time on the night shift

Any captured Batkid too injured/tired/frightened to taunt the responsible criminals

Batman bleeding and/or missing any major parts of his armor

Any Bat vigilante other than Duke outside during daylight hours

[maviyenot]

[nighhtwing]

thinking of the “which kid would bruce sacrifice” poll and how a lot of people were like bruce&jason are just abraham&isaac and at first glance i was like so true but then i was sat on it and . actually on an overarching scale abraham&isaac is bruce&dick but the ram that was ACTUALLY slaughtered for sacrifice is jason. does this even mean anything

[catacoves]

when will timsteph come home and be messy again

[fandomtrash-whataboutit]

One day I’m going to write a Robin friend group fic where Tim, Steph, Cass, and Duke hanging out and vigilante-ing as we all really need (Damian is 10-12 and Dick is a bit too used to being the father figure who tf do u guys think they’re going to hang out with. Tim and steph are best friends cass is Tim’s favorite sibling and everyone collectively agrees Duke is the coolest person in the house this is all canon i swear)