#Bats and Birds

[maviyenot]

[frownyalfred]

things that make Gotham criminals say “oh shit”:

Batman showing up to the hideout and not asking any questions

Nightwing cracking his escrima sticks together with 0 witty banter or foreplay

Red Hood when his hands are shaking

Injured Robin and Batman known to be in near proximity 

Any sightings of Batman on Robin II’s death anniversary

Superman in Gotham without an escort

Batman speeding through the Narrows on a motorcycle and not the Batmobile

Red Hood abandoning his guns and throwing punches instead

Robin fighting with a sword and 0 supervision

Jim Gordon trying to quit cigarettes for the 19th time on the night shift

Any captured Batkid too injured/tired/frightened to taunt the responsible criminals

Batman bleeding and/or missing any major parts of his armor

Any Bat vigilante other than Duke outside during daylight hours

[catacoves]

caped crusader pics dropped and we’re getting fat alfred who cheered

[roipecheur]

I see your "Bruce says the wrong kid's name" and raise you "Alfred says the wrong kid's name"

Alfred: "Master Dick--apologies, Master Timothy."

Tim, flattered: "Oh! It's no problem!"

-

Alfred: "Thank you, Master Timothy."

Dick, who hasn't slept for 3 days: [seriously questions who he is for a few seconds]

-

Alfred: "Master Damian, stop hitting!"

Cassandra: [looks up from where she has Steph in a headlock]

Alfred: "Sorry, force of habit."

-

Alfred: "Miss Stephanie--I mean Master Duke--"

Duke: "Wow good job on not seeing race, Alfred."

Stephanie: "Or gender."

-

Alfred: "Master Bruce!"

Jason: "No!"

Alfred: "Well, you did come in here covered in blood."

-

Alfred, in bed and delirious with fever: "I don't need you mothering me, Thomas, I'm perfectly fine."

Bruce: [starts crying]

[thegurlwhoisntthere]

Batfam Idea

What if when Dick was going through his phase (it wasn’t really a phase but for the purposes of this post that’s what I’m calling it) of naming everything “bat___”

He starts in the cave, as normal, that’s the Batcave with the batcomputer, with batfiles. And over there is the Batmobile and we fight with battarangs and—

You get the idea. Bruce tried to fight it at first but within a week he’s like “what’s the harm with theming a little more” and it’s fine…

Until it spreads to the manor.

Now he’s calling the kitchen the batkitchen, the paintings are batpaintings, and the furniture is batfurniture, and this is going to be a problem. So Bruce tries to convince him that they can’t call them that because secret identities and that doesn’t work because why would people care what we call the rooms in our house, Bruce?

Clearly that doesn’t work so he goes a different route and tells him they can’t call them bat-things because bats live in caves and underground, so the manor wouldn’t count. This stops it for a little while, until Dick gets it in head that that means all the interior rooms (no windows) are batrooms and all the other rooms (with windows) are birdrooms. If bats get the underground and enclosed, then birds get the above and open space.

This sticks and remains largely unchanged until Tim joins the family. Tim hears Dick explaining the difference between the bat and bird rooms and immediately goes “not nearly specific enough”

They then go around to each room and come up with different bird related names for them, going as far as changing the names of rooms on the floorplans and the surveillance cameras.

By the time anyone else joins or rejoins the family the rooms are physically labeled like: Warbler Sunroom, Humminbird’s kitchen, and Honeycreeper hall.

Alfred kind of loves it and helped them choose little signs that don’t clash with the manor’s existing style.

Bruce, on the other hand…. He wants to hate it, he really does, but it does make it easier to reference specific parts of the manor without having to give specific directions like “the 22nd room on the second floor in the east wing, with the portraits of blah blah blah” he can just say “the woodpecker’s den” and they all know exactly what he’s talking about.

Why is this relevant?

Imagine, if you will, Bruce trying to explain this to people who don’t live in or frequent the manor. Imagine he’s in an interview and he’s telling a story about something his kids did and he’s slips in, “and so I got to the Flamingo’s hideaway and—“ and the interviewer interrupts like “you got to the what’s huh???”

And now you have Bruce blushing and stammering, genuinely because he didn’t mean to let anyone know about this, but it’s become habit to refer to the rooms like this and..

Idk I just think it’s a fun lil’ concept

[psychokatrixxxy]

So my bf sent me an Instagram reel where Batman is holding up one of the Robins (I think Dick) and he says, "Spectacular, give me 14 of them."

My bf asked me if B was at 14 at this point (not just Robins, but just bats and birds in general, doesnt matter if they are or aren't his kids or kids in general, tho we didnt count Kate).

So, we started counting. Including characters like Carrie Kelley, and Terry and Matthew Mcginnis, the answer is yes. B is not only at 14, but he is past it....

I know we joke a lot about Mr. "I work alone" very much not working alone... but this is ridiculous.

Every time I think I know of them all, I learn about more!

[applepiwri]

au idea where all batman’s kids never became vigilantes/heros and all went straight to villainy.

why, you ask? because bruce was out so much dealing with gotham rogues and the justice league that they hardly see him anymore. and, after all, the best way to get the bats attention in gotham is to be an absolute menace.

imagine bruce coming back from some long mission off-world to find that gotham has several new rogues who have seemingly staked a claim on different parts of the city. they are all causing panic and havoc.

dick gets to flip around the city and cause his own brand of chaos, jason gets to try and run crime alley again, tim finally gets to have his villain arc(he’s so been planning this for months guys), damian is releasing so many animals from the zoo and getting them sent off to places that will rehabilitate them, cass is having a blast just stalking bruce while he is losing his mind on various gotham rooftops, and duke keeps using his abilities to like, flash bang creeps and assholes on the streets in broad day light. babs is probably eating popcorn and hacking into bruce’s comms with alfred to watch the chaos unfold. steph went around in a fake batman costume, really poorly mimicking bruce’s voice, and saying the most random shit to civilians.

the opportunists are endless. the plot holes are prevalent, but ignored

[unwhelve]

Ik we call them the bats + birds bc like. BATman and ROBIN, but I would like to list who I think is a bat or a bird.

Bruce: bat obviously.

Dick: bird, very pretty bird

Jason: Bat all the way

Tim: bird idk why but it feels right

Babs: bird but like a hawk specially

Damian: bat but I could be persuaded

Duke: Birdy, again idk why it just fits

Alfred: bird

Cass: bat

Steph: a third, more sinister thing (I couldn't decide but I was leaning bird)

Kate: a very pissed off bat

Selina: trick question she's a cat that is trying to eat all of the bird family members

And bonus; Brucie is a bird.

Now you may be asking, "what defines a bird or a bat?" And to that I say—

[ruoshik0]

Question.

Does the Batfamily have contingency plans for each other???

Like when Tim inevitably goes supervillain/rogue, does the Big Bat bring out the ‘How to take Tim ‘resident smart guy of the birds’ Drake down and contained’ and it just includes a lot of sleeping agents and whatnot to make the guy sleep the caffeine away and turn normal???

If Dick goes bad, they just bring out hugs and affections and just hope the guy calms down becomes a big bro again and so and so forth?????

What about Babs??????? HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH A MASTER HACKER?????? ARE THEIR CONTINGENCY PLAN JUST…… BEG THE WOMAN????

DOES BRUCE HAVE A CONTINGENCY PLAN FOR HIMSLEF????????????????

[lilituism]

Happy holidays everyone!

[fandomtrash-whataboutit]

One day I’m going to write a Robin friend group fic where Tim, Steph, Cass, and Duke hanging out and vigilante-ing as we all really need (Damian is 10-12 and Dick is a bit too used to being the father figure who tf do u guys think they’re going to hang out with. Tim and steph are best friends cass is Tim’s favorite sibling and everyone collectively agrees Duke is the coolest person in the house this is all canon i swear)

[maviyenot]

[frownyalfred]

imagine the “Robin meets the JL while Batman is away” trope but it’s inverted. instead of being funny and interesting and extroverted all of the Robins just bolt. bolt, hide, or fight. B told them not to ever let themselves get cornered and to run if a meta sets eyes on them. so they run, they hide, and they fight back with a tiny shard of holdout Kryptonite B had embedded in their gauntlet. they dig their boots in, clench their fists, and prepare to be immovable at <100 lbs.

[catacoves]

when will timsteph come home and be messy again

[gothamghostwhispers]

As everyone settled in the theater Artem takes a breath.

That’s. A lot of people… people that would be affected probably forever by their mistake….

They steal themselves. No matter how much they want to run away from this, it was their kids out there. It was their friends, and Beaus friends… the people out there were people they talked to, that they cooked for.

They can’t run away from that, from them.

So they stepped out and turned on the projector.

The screen reading: Fae Food and You

“Welcome… everyone” Artem is very thankful their powers don’t work through technology, so no one would feel the projections of anxiety

“Beau and I… have made an error and were unsure of how many of you are affected… I… well… uh just… wait until the end for questions please…? We have a lot to cover…”

And with that, Artem began their lecture. It was chaotic and very obvious that this PowerPoint once had a conspiracy board style of organization.

It starts with the literature surrounding fae food, the historical accounts of its affects, how earthly food tasted different forever and how this drove some into despair, then there was an entire section of the presentation dedicated to the kinds of food that would have been available to the person giving those accounts.

Then they move on to what is fae food in this case?

“Well… we know for sure that food made with fae ingredients would count as fae food”

At this a picture of Artems Rose in its natural state as well as its various edible forms are displayed.

“and it’s possible that food made with earthly ingredients but made by fae hands could count as well but we aren’t sure”

The lecture continues as Artem lays out the proposed experiment:

Everyone is going to try some of the takeout they ordered and see who among them are under the effects of fae food. This would also allow the ones under the effect to know what the difference in taste actually is.

Then they have food Artem made, they made magical food, nonmagical food, and nonmagical food that’s also historical recreations of what was described in their earlier presentation to compare modern food to the food that would cause people to despair after trying fae food.

After that those who have confirmed they are affected by fae food could try some of the food Beau made, some containing artems rose and some not so they could compare that as well.

After rambling the idea Artem trails off and looks to the people before them

[ @gotham-its-too-early-for-this @gothamiiz @riddle-me-this-riddler @the-second-boy-wonder @funnygirlclaire @posts-from-gotham @evandalist-in-gotham @bugboi-of-gotham @bennytheredonethat @flying-graysons-fan @number1-red-robin-stan]

[icnnic]

Ok so your daily “who’s who” of the bats and birds of Gotham!

Batman is Clark Kent, you can’t deny that man is built, and even those shitty suits he wears can’t hide it

Nightwing is Dick Graysons long lost cousin

Red Hood is Bruce Wayne. I don’t think I need to explain.

Red Robin is actually the old mascot of the Red Robin chain restaurant location in Gotham who came to life and then Red Robin the restaurant had to bullshit their way out of that situation.

Spoiler is the idea of purple personified, but also happens to fight crime bc why not? Could also be my classmate, Elizabeth/Cora

Batgirl is the illegitimate love child of Batman and justice.

Oracle is the only non human. Oracle is an AI that was programmed to stop crimes, gained sentience, but decided to still do that. Was the original Batgirl before their body got destroyed

Robin is a demon from hell, you cannot convince me otherwise. He has a fucking SWORD!

Next week I’ll probably do the rouges.

Feel free to drop any theories you have of who’s who in the comments