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incidentallysunny · 11 months ago

Text

Through The Skin

Real Uncle!Leon

Dead dove warning.

7k word count. Proof read lightly. Critique is welcomed and my skin is thick for it.

I'd like to appear in the tagz pls so here's a warning. My writing is not ever meant to be taken literally and is just for the sake of writing fxcked up content that I enjoy writing. If you do not wish to read this, please do not as my intentions are not to offend or make you intentionally uncomfortable but if you choose to read- don't be hateful. With that out of the way, extremely sensitive content and dead dove material ahead.

Specifically blood-related incest, smut, suicidal ideation, mentions of grotesque imagery, light mentions of gore in a hypothetical scenario, age-gap, overall just some disturbing topics.

As far as smut specifically: this includes talking of public sex, public female oral-recieving, Leon has dick piercings surprise, make and female oral, fingering, unprotected sex, cream-pie (wrap your willy irl pls) praise, dirty talk, spitting, any probably some other irrelevant shit I'm forgetting my bad.

PROCEED if you read the above, are okay with it, and are mentally unwell like I am. Happy reading, it's a long one.

To be quite frank, you didn’t give a shit about a single holiday party that your parents threw. Having to hug and touch on people you didn’t even know, putting on a fake smile and pretending as if you remembered them at all. Exhausting for a young woman to keep up this charade for so long. You’re sure your relatives noticed the dying spark in your eyes over time. Living Growing does that to a person. You spent all night fetching beers and other pre-packaged, alcoholic drinks- hoping he would show up every time you had to hand one out. Still one less face you’re can be enthralled to see.

You sat at the dining table, leaned onto an elbow with your face in your palm. Clearly a dejected and annoyed pose but everyone here was too cheery or already deep in the ‘special occasion’ wine bottle to even piece that together. Your other hand traced the ringed patterns in the wood surface, wondering how old it had been before it was chopped down ruthlessly by some hot guy with a chainsaw who was getting paid way too much to be fucking up nature left and right. All so that some college-aged girl could sit at the furniture it had been made into and sulk. God, an almost 40 year old tree. That’s pretty fucking old. You’re glad it lived a somewhat long life (in human years, not tree years.) ‘Cause some trees live a few hundred or even thousand years. So maybe it was taken too soon before it became the placeholder for your familial drunken talks. While you were distracted, annoyed, and pitying yourself, the table all erupted into ‘Hey, long time no see!’s , laughter, and other delightful sentiments that were jolly and deafening enough to make you jump. Loud noises weren’t your thing.

Before you could regain your composure and turn your torso in the hand-carved, deep-brown varnished chair- a hand graced the presence of your slumped shoulder.

“Hey, babydoll. Long time no see.” The voice greeted, husky and rough like a patch of concrete you’ve definitely scraped your knee on a time or two. Basically, it was familiar, which is what you’re getting at.

Uncle Leon.

You turned your full body now, swinging your legs to the side of the seat- a few laughs slopped from the table.

Everyone knew how much you loved and fawned over your Uncle- your dad rivaling how much you seemed to prefer his brother over him. Well duh, dad. It’s because he’s fun and you’re a hard-ass. And ugly to look at. Your poor, poor mom.

It had been years since you saw your uncle. Since you were freshly 18, to be exact. Your dad wasn’t too keen on having him around his barely-legal daughter- probably because he could practically smell it on you that you want your uncle to pop your cherry. You still remembered his few quirks, too. He was always sloppy yet casually drunk wherever he was, he hated fireworks (due to PTSD as your dad explained), and he had always been known to be grabby with people- probably because of the alcohol. He was a weird guy, but you loved him all the same. It broke the normalcy of your home and made things interesting to be around him. However- none of this was the focus. His stubble, dark-liquored bags under his eyes that almost resemble eyeliner, and dark-tinted hair were. And god, his chin. Could be a replacement for a Sybian, if you had one. All of that aside, he looks sexy. That’s so fucking weird to say about your dad’s brother, but calling it weird is also so outdated. Fucking your hot, middle-aged uncle is in; getting a boyfriend your age is out.

You stood up swiftly, hugging him tightly around the waist and almost toppling him. He chuckled, steadying himself with one arm around your back and the other on the table to catch himself. Once he felt he was steady enough, the other arm joined around you- the embrace squeezing you like a stress ball. You worried that your eyes might be a little more loose in your skull than before.

“Gotta be careful, kiddo. You’re gonna take down your uncle one of these days.” He teases, moving out of the hug and letting his hands explore their way down your back- resting on the small of it. Digits perched like a bird where your back starts to curve into your ass- not sweetly or gentle- but like one of those huge-taloned hawks that would rip your flesh off. You only say that because his hands are big and rough- and you’ve heard stories of what your uncle does for work (plus the alcohol is making him need to stabilize himself so he doesn’t crash you both into the nearby counter and cause any serious brain injury. At least then you could excuse the bubbling of strange feelings as TBI). Oh, and with how handsy he was known to be (Just ask your Aunt Claire on your mom’s side). But he had never been that way with you- not until now.

You see your dad eyeing him like the same kind of big-taloned hawk from across the table. They’re cut from the same feathers- except your dad must have been the one that never learned to fly. Pushed out of the nest by a sharp shove of a beak and bit every branch of the ugly tree on the way down. Cause he’s a lot weaker and uglier than your uncle. How he pulled your mom is a miracle and a mystery.

“Hey, uh. Honey. Come sit back down. No need in playing into your uncle’s fashionably late, drunken stupor.” He quips towards you while grilling Leon about being late, nursing his own drink with that ugly grin. You roll your eyes. Leon removes his hands from you- putting them up in defense of himself and leaving your back with an empty feeling.

“Hey, hey. Just hugging my beautiful niece.” He turned to address you again. “Been years since I’ve seen you, sweetheart. Look even better than your momma.” You feel a blush creep up at Leon’s words, but your dad clears his throat and your mom pays him no mind. Just an eye roll and sip of a wine cooler. To be honest, even she probably fucked your uncle. You couldn’t blame her if she did.

You huff and sit back down, crossing your arms. Your dad always had to ruin everything. If you fuck your uncle or kiss him or whatever and don’t like it, you can just go to therapy. Leon snickered behind you, patting your shoulder before leaning in next to your ear.

“Come join me out on the deck in a bit. I’m sure you’re tired of being smothered in here with the fun police.”

You feel muggy from his words. Like a Louisiana swamp type muggy. Is your hair sticking to you? Are there zika-virus bearing mosquitos pricking you or is that just undiagnosed anxiety?

You bounce your leg under the table while you hear the sliding door open and close in the distance. Minutes pass of you twiddling your thumbs- and you excuse yourself to sneak off- exiting out the same heavy sliding door that Leon used.

When you sealed it behind you- the smell of whiskey filled your nostrils- sizzling off any hairs that your nose so proudly grew for much needed germ-protection. A hand slapped itself gracelessly onto the glass above you in the dark, trapping you in place. Predictable uncle.

“Shit, sorry sweetheart. Lost my footing. Y’know how it is. I’m always taking spills here and there.” You felt giddy and blistered all over, speaking back to him.

“S’okay. Sorry about dad.” You excused, breathing in. Leon’s other hand patted you low on your hip as he chuckled into your ear- sending off more whiskey breath.

“It’s okay, sweet thing. Your dad can be that way. I’m not exactly safe to be around in his eyes. Besides, he’s just doing his job- looking out for his little girl.” He explains, not making any efforts to move. You predicted this- but it wasn’t unwelcome.

“Why’s that?” You dare to ask, sounding purposefully puzzled- but Leon knows better. And you know the answer.

“It’s ‘cause your Uncle likes ‘em young and pretty.” He mulls the information over you, the words sliding down you like a vibration that sets off a perfect sensation to your already throbbing clit. Because you’re always horny. The hand on your hip now kneads your ass under your skirt- somehow getting there without notice.

“O-oh.” You choke on the word like it’s quicksand in your throat- but only the quicksand is the prospect of having your uncle plow you until you develop early onset dementiaSo really, the quicksand isn’t bad in this instance. You jump into it face first for a good mouthful.

“Shouldn’t be wearing something so short when you know your dirty old uncle is coming over. Can’t keep my eyes where they’re supposed t’be.” He mutters low, leaning down to tickle the shell of your ear with his voice.

“Knew you were coming over. I wanted to look pretty for you.” Saying it makes your head spin, but like in the good way. The sound Leon makes is between a groan that says ‘good god, I’m going to bury my cock inside you right the fuck now’ and ‘I figured as much’. A simple cocktail of horniness and knowing.

“Mm, just want to kiss you everywhere, you know? Love it how sweet you are.” He murmurs into your scented hair, using the hand from the wall to push aside any strands that are in his way. He kisses the back of your neck and his breath scorches your skin. The affection is sloppy and leaves small bits of saliva behind, his barely-darting-out tongue making you ache even more.

“U-uncle.” You shuddered, a slight protest to your voice. Not ‘cause you don’t like it but because you’re worried someone will see. Or that you’ll never want off of his dick. He can be your personal IUD, all buried in your cervix.

Leon ignored the shared thought that someone could see because the way you referred to him made his dick jump in his jeans. Plus, the whole family knows he’s a sleeze. They’d see him balls deep in you and say ‘Ah, that’s Leon for you’ And look the other way until his next sexual prospect. One of the many reasons that Aunt Claire doesn't visit and Aunt Ada divorced his ass. Her loss. You’d happily share him if it were you. It’s only right to share a man that looks like a washed-up pornstar. His dick is great too. Not ‘cause you’re guessing- but because you saw it one time. Last time you saw him actually- the whole incident that left you wanting to see him again oh-so-badly. He had stumbled in the bathroom to piss- ignoring you at the sink. It’s whatever, he was totally wasted and probably didn’t see you. Nor did he probably see the fact you were gawking at his big dick. Or his nice ass, cause he had let his pants drop completely in his hazy state.

“Mm, what is it, babydoll? Hey- Think anyone’d notice if I fingered this sweet little pussy right now?” His voice cut through your memory and thick, long fingers teased the swell of your pussy lips through your underwear, making your hips contract with excitement. Your breath fans over the glass and smogs it.

“I don’t know- maybe.” You huff, trying to keep your composure. It sure is fucking hard when God’s gift to women is about to finger-fuck you at your parent’s house with 20 or so family members inside the property. You second guess yourself now. Maybe God's gift to women doesn’t go around playing with a pussy that belongs to their niece. Or maybe God was fed up with some girls missing out so he created sexually-attractive uncle’s to even any scores. You’ll be attending church this upcoming Sunday. Not because you’re going to follow through with blood-related fornication but because you want to thank the higher-ups properly for this fine piece of ass you’re about to receive from. Or maybe you shouldn’t step foot there, the whole ‘bursting into flames for egregious sinning’ type thing. Wait a minute- there’s literally daddy-daughter incest in the Book of Genesis, so you’ll happily sin away and tell god to fuck off while doing it. Okay maybe that’s a little uncalled for.

Leon tugged your panties to the side, breathing shakily.

“Fuck. I gotta see it, baby.” He mumbles, dropping to one knee with the other bent and still supporting the front of him. Underwear aside, he uses his hands to spread you out- taking in the sight of your damp folds. Damp is putting it lightly. His thumb collects some of your slick and he nearly cums right there.

“You save your first time for me?” He questions. In his mind, you’ve already had a dick or two. He can work with that. Those little guys your age don’t match up to him, but he’s blindsided when you whine about being a virgin, begging him to stick it in or something. Now, Leon’s not the greatest guy morally. At all. But if he’s going to pop your pussy like a soda cap for the first time, he’s going to do it in private cause he’s not stopping for anything. And privacy allows just that. Again- it’s not about it being special, just private. He’ll turn you out good and well.

“Sorry sweetheart. I wanna fuck this needy hole when it’s just us. Think you can wait?” He asks, before darting his tongue out to taste you and lapping up any of you that’s continuously dripping out from pent-up arousal. Your knees almost buckle and he puts his hands under the curve of your ass to hold you still. Your brain goes so mushy you almost forgot to respond.

“Y-yes, uncle Leon.” You whine like a pathetic puppy- begging for something that it didn’t need. But actually, you did need your uncle’s dick so badly. He laughs against your cunt, seemingly happy with that answer. Before you can properly nut like you want, you see your dad pass by in the distance of the sliding door. You tap the glass gently to alert Leon with a small series of clicks. He shoots his head up, yanking your panties back into place and using the sleeve of his leather jacket to wipe his mouth.

“Fuck- always such a blue-balling asshole for anyone, I swear. Sorry, pretty girl.” He smooths down your hair, making sure you look presentable. Well- besides your face that’s red enough to be used as a lit flare.

“Go inside. I’m sure he’s looking for you, babydoll.” He grabs you drunkenly by the upper arm, pulling you in to kiss you on the cheek.

“Come by mine sometime. I’ll be home, for once.” He mutters the last part, loosening his hold on you and starting down the steps of the deck.

“Okay. I’ll see you later, Uncle Leon.” You sound so disappointed and miserable. Pouty. Leon gets it.

“Later, babydoll.”

He heads down the path of the backyard and through the connecting gate that leads to the driveway, the sound of his motorcycle’s engine revving is the cue that he’s definitely headed off.

You let yourself back in, acting inconspicuous. But your dad is already waiting with crossed arms. Yuck.

“Did I not tell you several times about hanging around your uncle. He’s a weird guy. I don’t mind him coming over but, god.” He lays into you, mostly just insulting his brother. You roll your eyes as you normally do. You’ve never not had an attitude with your father. He was born to be shit on in your eyes- barely deserved your mom, as is. Besides, He had no backbone whatsoever.

“Just go upstairs.” He asked, cause he never told you to do anything. Just asked and hoped you’d listen. You were pleased enough to have gotten as much as your uncle tonguing your cunt, so you can comply a bit longer. You go upstairs to your room, shutting the door and lying down.

—

It’s a week later when you finally get to see your uncle. You managed to convince your dad to let you borrow his car, ‘cause you’re a broke college student and can’t afford that right now. Plus you’re spoiled but not enough for a car, apparently. Whoops. Probably because your dad knows as soon as he signs the papers, you’re going to drive to his brother’s house and impale yourself on his dick for life. He’d rather you go to college and get a train ran on you or something, at least.

You hoped you had remembered the right place at first, until Leon’s motorcycle was spotted in the lot. Good, he’s home. You still questioned your memory as you were walking up the flights of stairs in the apartment building, tugging down the back of your skirt when you felt it was airing out your ass too much (for any passerbys, not Leon). After reaching the 12th floor and navigating the scarily clean hallway (the few decorations in the area made it less horror-esque), you found the right (?) door. Your knock was soft because again, you weren’t entirely sure. Just going off of childhood memories.

After hearing a shuffle inside, it didn’t take long for it to swing open, Leon standing in the doorway shirtless with a pair of grey, thin sweatpants loose on his hipbones. His v-line was saying hello to you. Hello to you, too.

“Pretty girl! Hey! Thought you’d never come by. Sorry about the attire- been having a lazy day since I’m off work.” He moved aside for you to come in, the door shutting behind you when you accepted the unspoken invitation. His place was nice. A little cluttered with a half-packed suitcase; clothes messily thrown on top and some paperwork and a passport in a heap on the desk nearby, but still nice. Not to mention spacious. Thank god.

“It’s okay, really. You deserve some relaxation time, you know?” You try to be cool and collected- not getting to the main point of your visit. Even if you did have genuine interest in your uncle as a person.

“Isn’t that the truth? Want a drink?” He asked, already walking towards his kitchen. You don’t immediately reply because the sway of his ass is… something else, but you manage to snap yourself from the hypnotizing gaze of it. He’s got a whiskey glass and bottle already on the counter, waiting for a reply.

“Sure.” You tell him, knowing damn well you can’t handle your alcohol. You get all fucking lovey and touchy, and you’ve only drank like 3 times. And sure. You did come here to fuck him, but you were nervous. Okay, never mind. That gives a complete need for liquid courage.

He makes his way to the hallway- switching something on the AC control before sitting on the couch, adjacent from the chair you’re nestled in. You’re taking small sips of the whiskey, burning your throat, sinuses, and any nervousness down like a forest fire. Leon just sits, legs splayed apart like how men always sit. Except you can see his fat-ass dick print. God, kill me now. Or after I’ve sucked it, at least. You see, too, what looks like indents in the fabric- piercings maybe? Or the folds of the pants are sitting weird.

“Did you find the place okay?” He asks, coming off like he cares- which he does- but he’s mostly waiting to get you and himself sloppy for fucking so he’s just stalling now.

You nod, bottom lip tucked into your mouth- if you talk it’s going to be about his dick being huge or his dick being inside you. Leon allows you another deep sip, finishing off the liquid completely.

“I actually remembered how to get here just about perfectly.” You spoke, laughing a little. Yeah, you’d be gone completely in a few minutes. You already felt yourself slipping into a hazy, bubbly state. Leon could tell, too. Good for him. He loved when the girl was sloppier than the pussy attached to her.

“Smart girl. Always have been.” He took a long, heavy drink- finishing off his glass. You watched how his stomach twitched or moved even the slightest when he adjusted himself, the same with his arms. He was muscular yet lean- like he didn’t eat enough some days. Figures. Beauty isn’t easy and he looked good, and maybe that’s why he got plastered all the time so easily. No appetite=no tolerance. However, you were most certainly not afraid to look at the hard work. Even more so with alcohol brewing in your stomach acid and then liver.

Leon patted his leg, fingers drumming on the material of his sweatpants.

“Come sit. You can tell me more about it on your uncle’s lap.” Gross. Gross in the hot way. The gross-hot way you want him to fold and twist you like a pretzel. So no, you don’t abhor the idea of sitting in his lap.

You don’t even hesitate, standing and nearly falling over- realizing you forgot how wobbly your legs could get while inebriated. Leon reached forward to grab your hand and waist, letting you fall directly onto his lap, ass to crotch. Like a puzzle piece. An incestual puzzle piece- which ideally shouldn’t fit together but it just does.

You feel his cock twitch under you; he’s anticipated this, obviously. His hands slid up your thighs, and down again, then back up- like he’s appreciating them.

“Got the prettiest legs, baby. Want them on your uncle’s shoulders, don’t you?” He cooed, scooting you to the edge of his lap just enough to get his cock out of his bottoms. You turn to look behind you, twisting yourself a bit to get a look at it. Christ. One, he was big. The kind of dick that couldn’t stand ‘cause it was heavy and long. Two. It had a few piercings down the front of his shaft, gleaming in the light. So not only were you about to take your first dick, but a pierced one (like you had suspected). Okay…you didn’t remember seeing those the only other time you ever saw his dick by accident. New additions.

Leon stroked your hair with the hand that wasn’t holding his dick.

“Trust me, feels a lot better than it looks. I promise it doesn’t hurt. Even for virgins.” He adds, like he knows that for a fact. “Nothing you can’t handle for me.”

Okay, he’s right. You’d take his fist if it meant his approval, honestly. How bad could it be?

You move to spin yourself around on his lap, Leon’s amused at your eagerness. He holds his cock, spitting down onto it so he can stroke himself while he puts a hand onto your neck. You’re pulled by the hold into a slow, messy, spitty kiss. He’s definitely experienced, as you are not. His tongue makes its way against yours like he’s silently teaching you how to kiss him open mouthed. Not so hard, you think. He groans into your mouth as he handles himself, maneuvering his cock to brush against your underwear; prodding your clothed clit under your skirt.

You mewl against his lips which only spurs him to kiss you a little more rough now, assuming you’re ready for it. Which you definitely don’t mind. His hand squeezes the side of your neck affectionately, a thumb tracing the skin. You’re thankful you’re in his lap because your knees are weak and your head feels dizzy. It was an exchange of sighs and heavy breathing- no distance. Your hands tangled into his dark locks which is something that Leon loved; having his hair pulled (you could tell by his lusty growl and the shift of his hips). He truly was the epitome of a kinky, dirty old man. If pushing 40 was old. Well, to be fair, you did call the dead tree of a table at your parent’s house old, ‘cause it was 40.

He pulled off of you, your now un-joined mouths drippy with saliva.

“Get in between your Uncle’s legs. Wanna see that pretty mouth on this cock.” He urged, and you found yourself with your calves folded under you in between his parted thighs. He held his cock proudly, and to be honest, the piercings look daunting. How did you even expect yourself to suck on it like you’ve seen in porn? Maybe you should have spent more time watching guys with pierced dicks instead of the step category. You had a preference, clearly.

You snaked your hands up to him, holding his cock with a puzzled look clear on your face. Leon laughed, not like he was laughing at you but the way you laugh at someone when you think what they’re doing is cute.

“Don’t worry about them too much, gorgeous. Just do it how you think you would normally. But pay careful attention with your tongue. Won’t hurt me any, promise.” He reassures you thoroughly, chuckling through a sexually intense gaze. Okay, it seems…. easy enough. Didn’t know dirty old uncles could be so sweet about having their dick sucked.

You lean forward, Leon guiding the head to your mouth.

“Just go slow and focus on the tip. Don’t want my girl to be uncomfortable, now do I?” His girl? You liked the sound of that. Enjoyed it very much. You’d be his girl wherever and whenever. You took him past your lips- suckling on the tip softly and swirling your tongue around it.

“Just like that- fuck- you’re doing great, babydoll.”

The praise edged you on, and you managed enough confidence to glide your tongue down his shaft and over the piercings- flicking over them pornographically. You felt like it was just right. If fucking your uncle could be right in any way of the sense. Leon groaned and his head fell back onto the couch. A large hand found its way to your hair, holding it into a makeshift ponytail. You discovered that it wasn’t too daunting- it was possible to bob your head a little while keeping your tongue exploring the piercings in small swirls and flicks. Just makes your jaw a little tired faster. Besides, seems less scary than taking it inside you.

It’s an alternation of the previous movements and kitten licking up the front of him, and the adornments on his skin only seem to make everything feel much more stimulating. His breath deepens and he guides you now with your hair in hand- looking down at you through deep-brown bangs.

“Fuck- that’s it. Just look at you, dirty little niece I’ve got here, sucking her uncle’s cock like she was made for it. God- so damned pretty with your tongue on me.” His head falls back again for a moment, before he sits up- his labored panting evident.

“Christ. Okay- can’t take it anymore. C’mon, baby. Up.” He says, smacking your bottom when you stand in front of him. You’re feeling a bit ‘five seconds away from crashing into the coffee table and impaling yourself on the broken wood’ type of drunk now.

“Uncle Leon’s gonna pop that cherry, got it? Now sit down and let me lick that sweet pussy. Can still taste it after last time.” He’s speaking filthy things you should hear and run in the opposite direction from- but you don’t.

“My room. Remember where that is?” He mumbles, standing behind you now while he runs his hands down your sides- possessively grabbing at any fabric on you.

You shake your head no.

“Can’t remember. Need you to show me.” You whisper to him, putting your hands over his on your sides. He just muffles a laugh into the crook of your neck and shuffles you along in front of him, the two of you almost falling over multiple times on the way to his bedroom. You’re sure that something did get knocked off the wall at one point, but you literally do not care in any way.

Leon staggers you into the room and pushes you back onto the bed, shedding off his sweatpants. Naked, no boxers. Just full, thick cock and a trail of hair leading up to his belly-button that you haven’t let your eyes leave for however long you’ve been here. Oh, and muscled thighs. One of the greater parts of a man. His hands find their way to your thighs, tugging you to the edge of the bed before invading his thumbs into the waistband of your panties.

“Let’s get these off.” He grunts, pulling them down your legs and tossing them only for the undergarment to land in an unseen place. You go to tug off your skirt, until his hands pin yours to the bed.

“Want you to keep that on. Looks cute.” He says, retracting from you and sinking down at the edge of the bed. In no wasted time, his mouth is lazily lapping at your cunt- making your back bend in the reaction of immediate, overwhelming pleasure. You grabbed at the sheets until you remembered how his body responded when you pulled at his hair- so you found your hold there instead. Tugging his darkened strands with the pace he was eating you out at- stubble against your pussy and nose in your mound. His cheeks tickled your thighs, punching out a soft giggle and squirm from your body between the moaning. It makes him smile into you- reaching a hand up to knead your breast. Honestly, you hoped that the roof caved in right now and took you to your death because no moment would be better than this and that in itself made you suicidal.

You feel a finger slip past your hole, curling itself into that soft wall of fleshy, orgasmic sponge. The noise that left you was new, for sure and the muscle in his mouth jerked against your clit in tandem. It seemed Leon had the same deep feeling and worry you did about his dick even fitting, cause he added a second finger. Then tried to add a third but gave up because he actually wanted his dick to do that labor. He can be selfish, okay? It didn’t take long for you to cum either, duh. He was a skilled whore of a man and you’re a virgin. Or will be for only a few more minutes- probably less.

Your legs shake and tense, your heart thumps viciously, and your fingers threaten to tangle his hair into knots and make him start balding. Not happening no matter how hard you yank, though. His genes are too good for that. He was made for rough pulls to his mane. Made to take damage both mentally and physically. Made for splitting open cute, slutty nieces like you.

While you recovered, he licked his lips and fingers as clean as he could- missing the further parts of his stubbled cheeks. He stood up, hand on his lower back (‘cause duh, he’s old as dirt), and reached into the nightstand for a condom- which you gave him a look before he could open it. A look that told him ‘please, please, please don’t put it on! sure, fuck your blood-relative niece raw and possibly knock her up! Might not have to worry because you’re an alcoholic and your sperm quality is low, though.’ So fuck away.

He was a sucker for your big, glossy eyes and the slutty pout of your bottom lip. Not mentioning- he wouldn’t have worn a condom anyway. Would have just slipped it off before he stuck his dick in you. A virgin couldn’t tell the difference. What? You expected a man that fucks his own family to have morals for things lesser than that? No chance.

“Please, Uncle.” You begged softly, Leon knowing what you want without actually saying it. He’s great at reading people.

“Fucking hell. You’re something else. You want it that bad, huh?” He laughed, pleased by you beseeching him with so little words. You nodded, no objections about it. He tossed the unopened condom back in the drawer and shut it impatiently, making the lamp wobble.

“Changed my mind. Everything off. Gotta see that pretty set of tits.” The words were matter of fact and laced with a bit of erection-fueled urgency.

You reach your hands up to remove your shirt, then discard your bra and skirt. Left in the nude as naked as the day you were cut from your moms stomach. C-section baby and all that. Only this time there was no blood. Yet, anyways.

When you were stark naked, Leon pushed you firmly onto his bed again- folding you by the backs of your thighs, legs pressed to your chest and gifting your stomach with that cute roll thing it did. Leon liked that on a woman.

He grabbed his cock, positioning it against your slick that dribbled from your yet-to-be-abused hole. He was gonna change that. You could feel his one of the piercings resting against your skin down below- a tsunami of anxiety settling over your delicate village of a body.

“Might hurt a little, babydoll. Can’t promise I’m gonna be gentle with her.” He referred to your pussy, your hole fluttering when he talked. You gave a look of understanding and acknowledgement.

“God, want it so bad.” You whined under him, the position he had your legs in made you even crazier about having him in you, like, yesterday.

He didn’t savor the moment so that he could push into you, he just did it. The feeling of each piercing bumping your hole on the way in. It felt fucking good, but also his dick stretching you out was intense and stung like a papercut.

His hands held your thighs down into your stomach- giving you a novice contortionist experience, and you could see the veins in his forearm pop a little. Your mind raced with the following anxieties; ‘What if a piercing cuts my insides and I die from sepsis or something? What if a piercing ball comes off and is lost inside me forever? Maybe I should stretch more.’ The first two were irrational but maybe not so much so, or else you wouldn’t be thinking of them. You’re not the first woman to think any of it.

“Fuck- there we go. Shit. You feel incredible, baby.” He dropped the doll in favor of calling you baby this time, making you squeeze around him as he bottoms out, balls against your ass. Yep. A bruised cervix was in your future. Going to have to come up with an excuse for why you won’t be able to get out of bed for the next few days. You thought other girls were just exaggerating this whole time about feeling yourself be split open, what the hell was he trying to do? Dig out your uterus with his dick? Does he really have to be so deep? It’s, like, really hot and feels really fucking good, but also, slightly uncomfortable. Maybe it’s the position.

Either way, he’s feeding your ego.

You let your head relax onto the bed instead of continuing to hold it up, ‘cause doing that was much more painful.

“God.” You muttered, relieved to be full and get the virginity loss out of the way. You should be getting a cake and celebration for this, if it wasn’t your uncle. But still. Taking big, pierced dick deemed trophy worthy. Or maybe a plaque.

Leon gazed down at you through straight locks, shaking them out of his face a little. He pulled himself out, minus the tip, before pushing back in with a groan- his Adam’s Apple bobbing hypnotically. Your spine arched, lifting your back off the mattress and your hands dug into your own thighs, helping hold them in place.

“You like that, huh?” He asked, the difference between it being pure hormones and condescension was blurred. Could have been both. He doesn’t give that much of a timeframe to start dragging his cock in and out of you, slowly picking up speed and bottoming out each time- balls slapping against your bottom.

You babble nonsensically, the ribbed sensation of his piercings almost sending you into hysterics. Something about yes, yes. I love it. Need you to fuck me so hard that my dad disowns me because I’m wheelchair bound and he knows why.

“Feels good, baby. I know it. Bet it’s hitting places you didn’t even know you had.” If he wasn’t so fucking hot, you’d probably have the ick from how cocky he is. Or not, you’re fucked up.

He leaned forward over you more to tangle into your hair, guiding your head to more of an angle and exposing your neck. You were so overwhelmed from how hard and deep he’s fucking you, not to mention his dick feels like how you imagine a beginner level bad dragon dildo to feel. Or maybe a less monster-y version anyways. It just feels fucking good and that’s all you needed to care about. Soft, airy cries crawl their way from your throat and leave you between that and moaning. Uncle, please. Please, please, please, harder.

“Let it all out, that’s it. Uncle Leon’s gonna take good care of this pussy.”

You nod as much as you can with his hold on your hair, and he pants into your collarbone, sweaty and nasty on top of you. You feel like you’re almost being crushed under his weight but it’s only hotter, and gets even more when you feel his free hand slip between your damp bodies to thumb your aching and still-sensitive clit. You tighten around his cock in reaction- gasping.

“Take it, babydoll. Fuck. Show me how much you want your uncle to make you cum. Belong on my cock, you know it?”

Your brain is off somewhere in a hot air balloon, far from its preferred skull. Which is yours. He speaks in ways you didn’t imagine you’d ever get to be spoken to or even enjoy. But it’ll be the only thing that gets you off from now on, no doubt about it.

“Uh huh, belong on your dick forever. Never wanna take it out.” Yeah. You’re stupid for him.

“Fuck. That’s my girl. Keep talking like that and I’m not ever letting you go.”

You nod your head.

“Want that, want that so bad. ‘D let you fuck me whenever you want, uncle.”

His lips curl into a half-pressed grin before he’s panting again- a bead of sweat dripping onto him. You remember he did something with the AC. Yeah-to the heat in the apartment is frying you good and well. Guess he wanted the sex to be extra clammy and gross. You know, besides the incest.

“Christ. Fuck, yes.” He groans deep, throaty and carnal.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you. You’d be the prettiest little girlfriend. Sitting around waiting to get fucked all the time. I know how needy my baby is.” Christ. You’re going to the deepest abyss in hell. You’re sure whatever torment awaits is worth it though, so it’s not a big deal right now.

“Wanna be yours.” You choke, throat dry. Ah, you remember you’re intoxicated. That must be why you’re so loose at saying this stuff.

“Open up.” He huffs, almost face to face with you but still enough that his breath is hot on your features. You’re hasty to open your mouth like a whore, Leon dribbling his gathered spit down onto your tongue.

“Gotta keep you hydrated, baby. Can’t have that throat getting raw, can we?” You nod, there’s so many nasty things happening you can’t process it properly- unaware of everything as you cum a second time on his hand, squeezing his dick like a much softer and less dangerous guillotine.

His thrusts were a little more sloppy and erratic- alcohol fully set in for the both of you. Normally, he’d be able to hold off his orgasm a little longer- but combatting it wasn’t an option in this drunken state.

“Christ- so fucking pretty and tight when you cum on my dick. Gonna cum too, baby. Don’t think I can pull out right now.”

You shake your head no.

“Don’t pull out, please. Please uncle, ‘ll do whatever you want.”

He laughs brokenly, choked up from the moans that need to come out first.

“God, yes. Okay. Gonna fill this sweet pussy up, baby.”

He focuses a few more thrusts, hard enough to make it hurt a little and sloppy enough to still be just the right amount of perfect.

“Here it comes, baby. Need you to take i- shit.” He buried deep inside you as he came hard, rasped voice and all while he held his place firm. His hair is stuck to his face in some areas, his natural scent emanating off of the sweat droplets.

His dick spasms inside you, filling you with every bit of semen he’s got pent up in him. You could almost feel the way your cunt was full of his cum, having no room around his dick to go anywhere, really.

He relaxed a little, letting out a long, pleasurable groan. You yourself joined him in letting your body go limp as it could in this position. He grabbed your legs to straighten them out and let them wrap around his waist, making you realize they were folded too long and that they ache a bit.

He kissed your collarbone, picking up his head and kissing your cheek next.

“Mm. Did so great for me, babydoll. Not gonna be able to let you go now.” He teased, another peck to your mouth that you managed to reciprocate just in time.

“Then don’t.” You tell him, mumbling.

“I can manage that. Could easily be my girl. Would have to be our little secret, though.” He adds at the end, threading his fingers in your hair.

Yeah, you’re not turning down that offer.

#dark diary #leon kennedy #leon kennedy death island #leon kennedy vendetta #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x reader smut #leon s kennedy #tw #tw inc*st #i’m literally crazy abt him #tw dead dove #dead dove fic

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seokgyuu · 2 years ago

Text

→ PAIRING: Seokmin x Afab!Reader. → GENRE: College!Au, kinda comedy, small bit of angst if you look hard enough, teeny tiny fluff, smut MDNI. → SYNOPSIS: After having a crush on Lee Seokmin for three years, he somehow ends up wanting to be your roommate. Instead of rejecting him, you decide to give him the vacant room - right after confessing your feelings for him.

→ WARNINGS: roommate!seok, wet dreams, coming untouched (f), degradation, usage of the words slut, baby, angel, masturbation (m), making out, like really so much kissing, fingering, finger-sucking, she loves his fingers lol, unprotected sex (don't.. just don't), creampie.

→ WORDCOUNT: 11.5k

A/N: hi guys!! here it is (for some of you even on the date it was scheduled to be posted!), my first ever stand-alone svt fic! no part 2, no whole ass series, just this cute 11.5k baby I wrote after being deep inside my seokmin shaped hole (i am always in a seokmin shaped hole actually). i want to thank my bestie @honeykyeom for making the amazing header as well for being my inspiration for writing this <3 ily!! now, i hope you enjoy and as always please reblog & comment, these things are what makes writing worth while <3

You had a crush. A big fat stupid crush. And it was starting to get extremely annoying. You really tried to stop liking him because a.) he didn’t even know you existed and b.) even if he did he would never ever like you back because what are the odds for that to actually happen?

“People get together all the time, Y/N, stop being dumb,” Seungkwan, your best friend, would say on the regular since the topic came up basically every other day. Yet, you still didn’t believe the Lee Seokmin would ever give you so much as a second glance. He was too perfect. Perfect grades, perfect friend group, perfect face, perfect everything. You had first laid eyes on him on your first day of classes - he had started the same year as you, smile on his face, shiny new MacBook propped in front of him. He wore an adorable baby blue sweater and black rimmed glasses, his hair falling into his forehead and, god, you were gone the second you heard his honey dripping voice.

That had been three years ago and now, both of you in your senior years, you still hadn’t talked to him even once. Or well, no, you had, when he had asked you for a phone charger which you had given him in exactly three seconds. You were still proud of that.

“Hey, I heard you’re looking for a roommate?”

“Are you- are you talking to me?” Your index finger was pointing at yourself while you blinked a few times at the person in front of you.

“Uh, I mean, you are Y/N, right?” Kim Mingyu seemed just as confused as you. Probably because you were in fact Y/N and you were, in fact, looking for a roommate, but how on earth did he know that?

“No, I mean, yes, yes I am, but, uh, how do you- how do you know I’m looking for a roommate?”

“Oh, Seungkwan told me!”

“You know Seungkwan?!”

Mingyu seems a little startled by your sudden outburst. You cleared your throat before chuckling nervously.

“S-sorry, I just didn’t know Seungkwan and you knew each other.”

“We go to the same gym, actually, and I told him my friend is desperately looking for a place and he told me you are in search of a roommate so…,” his smile was bright and pretty and you felt like you were about to wake up from a dream because why the hell was Seokmin’s bestie talking to you as if he had done it thousand of times before?

“I see, uh, I mean, I am definitely desperate for a roommate, rent you know, like, uh, I need to pay it soon and… well, I am short half of it and that’s what I would… need the roommate for,” you scratched your ear. Smooth.

“No, I understand! And my friend is just as desperate. See, he just broke up with his long-term girlfriend, she cheated on him, and now he just really needs to move out.”

“Oh, damn, sorry about that. You can tell him he can come by, eh, does tomorrow work? Like afternoon-ish? I have classes until four.”

“Awesome! I’ll let him know, thank you Y/N!”

Mingyu beamed at you, his hand up in the air as he waved, walking away and out of the building. Letting out a sigh you hadn’t even known you were holding, you grabbed your phone from your bag and unlocked it, quickly moving your fingers over the display to call Seungkwan. Walking out the opposite direction Mingyu had, you waited for your best friend to pick up, pushing open the door into the hot air of the early evening.

“What’s up?” Seungkwan finally picked up and you rolled your eyes at the greeting.

“Hello to you too, Kwannie,” you said in a sweet voice, hearing Seungkwan scoff as a response.

“I’m in the middle of something, Y/N. So, what’s up?”

“Kim Mingyu just asked me if a friend of his can move in with me,” you raised your brows as you walked over the campus to the parking lot, the keys to your car already dangling from your fingers, “care to tell me why you didn’t mention that?”

“Ah, that, well, I actually met Mingyu at the gym earlier today, like super early morning, and heard him talk to his friend on the phone and well, since I do have a few classes with him, I thought I should offer.”

“You should offer? Pretty sure it’s still my apartment you were selling off to a stranger.”

“Now, now. Mingyu isn’t a stranger now, is he? How many times have you stalked his insta now to look at that one specific gym picture of Seokm-,”

“Whatever, just- just please, for the future, let me know when you tell someone about my living situation, alright?”

“Sure thing, bestie. Now, can I get back to what I was doing?”

“Of course. Tell Hansol I said hi.” Before he could either protest or deny, you hung up and shoved your phone into your pocket.

You dreamt of him again. It was a rare occasion, but it happened. Most of the time the dreams were innocent enough, just him touching your face, him laughing at your jokes, him simply acknowledging your existence.

But this one was different.

Seokmin was right above you, his body hot and sweaty. His eyes said so much more than words ever could and yet you longed to hear his voice. Longed to hear him say your name. He was buried deep inside you, his hips still, eyes never leaving yours. He throbbed, his whole body seemingly vibrated at how much he wanted you, your legs wrapped around his waist, wanting nothing more than for him to take you, mark you, fill you.

“Tell me what you want,” he whispered, his hand caressing your face and you moved your head, your mouth sucking in his thumb, feeling him twitch inside of you.

“You can’t really talk with that in your mouth, can you, Y/N?” Fuck, his voice was so low so deep and when he finally moved down to kiss your neck, stuffing his thumb even further down your mouth, his hips now beginning to thrust, all of you began to shake.

Then, suddenly, you were in your living room, right there on that windowsill that connected the kitchen and the living room, his hips drilling into you. He was wearing a dress shirt and a black tie, but both of it was loosened around his neck, your hands on his broad shoulders as he seemed to have made it his goal to fuck you senseless. You were a moaning mess, his lips sucking harshly on your skin, you yourself being completely naked. His mouth was everywhere: your neck, your stiff nipple, your lips. He took all of you in and you breathed in every bit he gave you.

“You’re so fucking good for me, baby, so good, such a good little slut, letting me fuck her like this.”

“Mhm, y-yes, I l-love the way you f-fuck me, Seok!” His grip on you got stronger, hands digging harshly into your hips as he threw his head back now, your eyes taking in all of his beauty. The droplets of sweat, the bopping Adam’s apple as he swallowed, the way his vein popped out right there on his neck…

“Gonna make me cum, baby,” he moaned and you nodded strongly, feeling your own climax so close.

“Please, want your cum so bad!” you whined and as if those had been the magic words, Seokmin emptied inside of you, the feeling of his cum hitting you so deep-

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

You screamed, while your back hit the floor. You had fallen out of bed, your alarm blasting on the other side of your bed.

“Fuck,” you groaned, sitting up slowly, your hand rubbing the back of your head. Funnily enough, that wasn’t the only part of you that throbbed. Just for a completely different reason.

“You came in your sleep?” Seungkwan was impressed with you. You just wanted to punch him because why did he have to say that this loud right in the line for lunch?

“Shut up!” you said through gritted teeth and Seungkwan snorted, before grabbing the big spoon for the Kimchi.

“Don’t worry, no one is listening.” Instead of arguing with him you rolled your eyes and grabbed some Japchae before heading to the drinks.

“But to answer your question: yes, I did. And no, that has never happened before. Like, I never ever had a dream like that, Seungkwan, never!”

“Aw, I can’t believe my best friend lost her wet dream virginity at the ripe age of 24!” He grinned as the two of you sat down at an empty table. You ignored him.

“It was so real. I honestly feel sick to my stomach. How could it have been so real?”

It was truly astonishing to you. Hours had passed and the dream was still there, playing in your head over and over again, making you squeeze your thighs together more than not in the worst moments. Statistic class wasn’t supposed to make you horny and yet, you couldn’t say it hadn’t.

“I’m jealous. I never had an actual wet dream make me cum before, like yeah, I woke up with cum in my underwear before, but then again that’s kind of normal I guess?”

“Dude! You don’t need wet dreams to make you orgasm, you have a literal boyfriend!”

“He is not my boyfriend!” Seungkwan protested and you grabbed your juice box to take a dramatic sip from it.

“Well, sounds like a you problem. Doesn’t change the fact you’re getting laid, though.” Seungkwan scoffed, crossing his arms as he leaned back in his chair. He apparently didn’t have a comeback. Served him right.

“It’s not like you are trying to change that,” nevermind. You sigh, putting the drink down again.

“What am I supposed to do? Just hook up with a random guy and act like I’m not madly in love with someone who doesn’t know I exist?”

“He knows you exist, you god damn drama queen. You had every class together first semester!”

You ignored him. Instead, you decided that your Japchae is the most interesting thing you had ever seen. Seungkwan shook his head and clicked his tongue.

“You’re an idiot, Y/N. Like the biggest idiot I have ever met.”

“Takes one to know one,” you muttered as a response, feeling a piece of kimchi hitting your cheek the next second.

You were home at four forty-five and hoped there would still be time to clean up the place at least a little bit before the potential-new-roommate-slash-friend-of-Kim-Mingyu showed up. In record time you found yourself standing in a semi-clean living room (meaning: maybe the floor showed some signs of needing to be vacuumed, but at least everything looked tidy) with all the windows open in hope for some cool air because you sure as hell weren’t going to turn on the AC without another person to cover the costs.

Just as you finished changing into some clothes not sweated through, the doorbell rang. Quickly, you made your way to the door, buzzing them up, only to hear a knock on the door next. Oh, so he had been let in already. Putting on your most charming smile, you pulled the door open, only for the smile to fade the second you saw who stood there right in front of your door.

“Y/N?”

Lee Seokmin had just said your name. And he was standing in front of your apartment.

“Seokmin, what- what are you doing here?” You asked, oblivious to the situation.

“I- uh, I- Mingyu said he told you I was coming?”

“Mingyu? No he said that-,” you lost your ability to speak just then. The friend Mingyu had been talking about-

“Wait, you- you’re the potential new roommate?!” Your voice was barely anything but a squeak. Seokmin looked a little lost, his fingers nervously fidgeting with the hem of his oversized yellow jumper.

“Yeah, did he not mention that?”

Nope, seems like he forgot that part. You swallowed, pressing your lips together for a second while your brain tried to fully grasp the situation. This was Seokmin. Aka the guy you have been in love with for three years. And he wanted to move in with you.

“Uh, no. Sorry, please come in!” You took a step back and Seokmin smiled at you (HE smiled at YOU!!!), walking into your apartment and looking around as you closed the door, hoping your racing heart would calm down. You wouldn’t exactly bet on it though.

Seokmin took his shoes off and you watched him, already beginning to chew on your lip like you always did when you were nervous. He turned around and you quickly smiled, walking into the living space.

“So, this is the living room, it uh-,” you stopped speaking, your eyes now on the window connecting the kitchen and living room, on the windowsill you had just dreamt about last night. Your face suddenly got very hot.

“It connects to the kitchen through that window, which I thought was really cool, big selling point,” you watched as Seokmin walked over to the kitchen, his eyes roaming through the room and when he stopped in front of the window, hand touching the sill you nearly felt yourself loose footing. Why the fuck did he have to do this? For a second you were convinced this was just another dream.

“It definitely is unique,” he said, nodding and walking into the small but modern kitchen.

“Uhm, there is a dishwasher in the kitchen and a microwave. We don’t have an oven, but I am pretty sure I have like a small one in the attic. I am more of a take-out or quick meal kind of gal, so I don’t really use it much. But if you were interested in baking something, I could definitely get it down,” Jesus, why on earth were you talking so much? But Seokmin seemed to appreciate it, nodding understandingly as he looked around with a small pout on his lips. Maybe this wasn’t the right moment (or maybe it was the perfect moment) to stare at him, but you did. You watched his every move, how he checked out the cupboards, how he asked before he opened the fridge, how he pulled a hand through his hair as he asked a question.

Oh!

“Sorry?” You crossed your arms, the hotness of your cheeks only increasing. Seokmin chuckled.

“I asked if you had a certain system in your fridge with your old roommate.”

“Oh, well, not really. We kind of always planned what we were going to eat, she was a big cook actually. Enjoyed it a lot. I store my Ramen right here, wait,” you walked into the kitchen fully now too, to the cupboard next to where Seokmin was standing and got on your tiptoes to reach for the door, opening it in a swing.

“There,” you explained, looking over at Seokmin - only to see him look at you instead of the food. You blinked a few times. He blushed.

“Ah, yes, I see. Cool. So, uh, no system. That’s fine with me! I wouldn’t say I’m a cook per sé, but I can hook up some simple dishes,” he turned away, your whole body suddenly feeling a lot hotter than a second before. Nodding, you closed the cupboard again and walked back outside. Seokmin followed you.

You showed him the rest of the apartment (except for your room) and finally the two of you ended up in the living room again where you sat down on the couch.

“I, uh, I would love to take the room, Y/N. But it’s obviously up to you.” His smile was so… you gulped down whatever response you had in your mind. Now wasn’t the time to eat right out of his hands, no, you had to think about this. On the one hand, you really needed a roommate. There was no chance you could hold this apartment by yourself and you really didn’t want to move. But on the other hand, this was Seokmin. You couldn’t just let him move in with you when you liked him this much, could you? At least not without him knowing. An idea popped into your head. It was risky and stupid and you would probably regret this. But then again - if he wanted to move in, and apparently he was just as desperate as you to get this room, it would only be fair to let him know what the situation was.

“Look, Seokmin,” you started, your hands in your lap, your heart racing again (or still). You looked up at him, your cheeks still bright red. Seokmin watched you, unsure what to make of your current behavior. He decided to just let you talk.

“I really need a roommate. And you really need a place to live. Mingyu, uh, he told me about the break-up and I’m really sorry about that,” - you were also happy you hadn’t tried to make a move considering he had a girlfriend -, “but I would feel horrible to let you take this room without knowing the full truth.”

Now, Seokmin got a little spooked. The full truth? Were you going to confess that you were a drug dealer? Part of some gang? But then you probably wouldn’t need a roommate considering you’d make good money.

“I, uh, okay,” Seokmin swallowed hard. You took a deep breath.

“I like you. As in, I like you. I have for years now. I didn’t know you had a girlfriend, and to be honest, even if I had, I probably wouldn’t have succeeded in getting over this crush. I’m not telling you because I am expecting anything from you, I promise, hell, I never planned on telling you ever. But you want the room and I would be happy to give it to you, I would just feel weird having you live here with this big secret to keep.”

There were approximately three minutes of silence in which you were sure Seokmin would get up and leave. He stared at you, his mouth slightly dropped and you could have kicked yourself for finding him endearing. Starting to shift on your seat once the third minute started, Seokmin realized he had been staring instead of answering. But then again, he really had not expected this sudden confession.

“I, uh, I am flattered, Y/N, really, I just, I- I just got out of a relationship and-,”

“I know that! As I said, I didn’t tell you because I want anything from you. I have been happy liking you from afar, Seokmin. And who knows, maybe having you close by all the time will actually make me stop liking you. I mean, what if you’re like a total slob or listen to super weird historical podcasts?”

“What do you have against historical podcasts?” Seokmin asked, eyebrows raised in surprise. You chuckled.

“Nothing in particular. But my last roommate listened to them on like full blast. Just got annoying at some point.”

He nodded now, understanding. Yeah, he could see why that would be annoying at some point. Still, that wasn’t the real issue here. Or, well, was it really an issue? He cleared his throat.

“I- I don’t take you as someone who would let her feelings get the best of her. And, to be honest, I’m not really the type of guy you should have a crush on, Y/N. But, uh, I’m still very flattered. And I don’t think this would stop me from moving in, as you said, we are both desperate.”

You were surprised and it showed. Seokmin chuckled.

“Or do you not want me here?”

“No! I do, I really need you to move in,” you said, tugging a loose strand of hair behind your ear. Seokmin nodded again.

“Then it’s settled. I’ll get my stuff asap and then we’ll be roomies.”

“Can’t wait!”

Seungkwan thought you were insane. He hadn’t known it was Seokmin when Mingyu had approached him and now he regretted ever offering it.

“What do you mean you told him?!” He was sitting at your small dinner table in the living room. You shrugged.

“What was I supposed to do? Just let him move in and carry this huge ass secret with me all the time? I don’t think so.”

“You could have just told him no, Y/N.”

“Right, and then what? I see him in class every other day? How awkward would that be?”

“You mean as awkward as living with a guy who knows you have a crush on him?!” When you shrugged again, Seungkwan groaned, pulling his hands over his face.

“You’re seriously insane, I can’t believe you did this!”

And about a week after Seokmin had officially moved in, you couldn’t believe it either.

Living with Seokmin proved to do the exact opposite of what you had mentioned in your chat with him. He wasn’t a slob. And he also didn’t listen to any podcast on full volume. He cleaned, cooked, gave you space. Every morning he got up earlier than you and prepared coffee, before going out for a jog - only to come back while you were having breakfast, looking all sweaty and sexy. The first time this had happened you had choked on your toast, drinking what felt like one whole liter of orange juice before finally being able to stop coughing. Seokmin had hit your back a few times, apologizing for startling you. And yet, he didn’t stop doing it, which made you used to it after a while (it didn’t).

Instead of falling out of love with him, you found yourself drawn to him even more, craving his presence. When he was gone, you missed him, and when he was home you wanted to hear everything about his day, wanted to eat dinner with him, watch a new episode of that show you had started together.

Seokmin was outside in the living room, his laptop placed on his lap, an essay he needed to proof read opened as he sipped on a can of beer. He was on his favorite spot on the floor, right in front of the couch, leaning his back against it. Actually, he had wanted to go to sleep an hour ago, but then he had talked with his sister on the phone and now he was back to this. It had been two months since he had moved in with you despite knowing you had feelings for him. Back when you had originally told him, he had felt like he should probably run because the last thing he needed right now was complicated. Things with Hyorin had been complicated enough. But, as he now knew, you weren’t complicated in the slightest. More so the opposite. It didn’t take long for Seokmin to begin to understand you and your patterns. It also didn’t take long for him to figure out how much you actually liked him. If he had been anyone else he might have taken advantage of that. Flirt with you, get you into his bed. But he was Seokmin, he wasn’t a guy who would do that. Not that he hadn’t… thought about it. Seeing the way you looked at him, especially after his morning runs or when he came back from the gym in the evening… it took everything in him not to imagine you looking at him that way when he was fucking you.

Seokmin wasn’t a sex-hungry person, normally. Maybe because he had been in a long-term relationship for five years. But now, with his relationship being over for two months and the periods before that being dry in the sex department… he was starting to miss it. Dearly.

So, when he sat there on the floor, his head focusing on the contents of this essay he wrote a day earlier in the library, he couldn’t really help getting distracted by the sounds coming from your room. His ears perked up and his head turned sideways, throat already drying up. Were you crying? Maybe you were-

“O-oh.”

His laptop slipped from his lap when he got up. His heart speed rose and sweat was starting to form on his hairline. That certainly wasn’t the type of crying he had meant. Slowly, he walked over to the door of your room that he only now realized wasn’t properly shut. He felt bad, guilty even, when he peeked through the small opening, seeing you apparently asleep. A dream? He licked his lips. Were you dreaming?

“S-Seokmin.”

Something inside him switched over. His whole body started to heat up, his cock desperately beginning to twitch in his briefs. Fuck, he hadn’t ever expected that hearing you moan his name would do so much. You were dreaming, yes, about him. And he heard you, heard you moaning, the whimpers. And god, did you sound perfect. He leaned against the wall next to your room, letting his dick get harder with every second, waiting for your noises like an addict. He couldn’t stop, couldn’t get himself to move away and mind his own business. He was intoxicated by you. He took everything he could, every breath, as small as they might be. The sighs following the moan of his name.

For now, he only listened. He didn’t want to touch himself here, didn’t want to be that type of person. But then again, he had already parked himself right outside your room, listening to you having a wet dream, it wasn’t like beginning to jerk off would make much of a difference. So, he slowly moved his hand, palming himself over his sweats, feeling how hard he was because of you. He closed his eyes, ears concentrating only on you. He wondered what you were dreaming about. What was he doing to you right now? Was he holding you down as he fucked you? Was he going down on you, tasting you? God, he really wanted to taste you.

For a second he contemplated going in and waking you up - making your dream reality. But he couldn’t. Not knowing what he did.

Opening his eyes, he suddenly felt guilt rushing over him and he was quick to close your door, making his way over to where he had sat earlier and grabbing his laptop.

Once he was in his own room, door locked and all, he tried to clear his head of the sounds you had made, of the way it was him you were dreaming about. But with his cock this hard and you so close… it was no use. He put his laptop on his desk and laid down on his bed after, taking a deep breath. He couldn’t hear you from his room and, god, was he relieved. Not hearing you did not equal not remembering you, though. And so, knowing he was going to lose to his conscience anyways, he opened the drawer in his bedside table and got out the package of lube, squeezing a bit on his right hand, while the left shoved down his sweats and briefs, letting his erection hit the cool air of his room.

He sighed in relief when his right hand began squeezing him, head leaned back into the pillows, hand now moving up and down slowly. You were right there in front of his inner eye, the way you sounded, but also the image of how you would look underneath him. Moaning his name, begging him to go faster. Then, he imagined your cheek stuffed with his cock, imagined your teary eyes when he began fucking down your throat.

“F-fuck,” he couldn’t help but go faster, his hips lifting up his bed as he fucked his fist, wishing it was your pussy or your mouth, any of your holes would do. How badly he wanted to hear you beg, wanted you to be on your knees, mouth open and tongue out, ready to take whatever he was willing to give. Pouty lips and round eyes, wishing for nothing more than Seokmin’s cock filling you up.

“God, just like that, Y/N, f-fuck,” he couldn’t help but moan as he came, his load landing on his clothed chest.

Coming down from his high, Seokmin opened his eyes, blinking a few times before he really understood what had happened. Groaning, he let his left hand rub over his face, before he shook his head and sat up. He got rid of his shirt and threw it in the laundry bin, walking to the door unlocking and opening it to go to the bathroom - only to run into you who just came out of the bathroom. Your eyes grew wide when you spotted Seokmin - shirtless and sweaty and with this certain look in his eyes that made your legs grow weaker.

Not knowing what he was doing, Seokmin walked straight over to you, his hands finding the sides of your neck, his lips crashing into yours a second later. You didn’t know what was happening, didn’t know what to do - but you kissed him back, your hands on his broad back, as he pushed you against the wall, his meaty perfect thigh shoved between your legs now, pressing against your still sensitive core. You gasped into the kiss, his tongue now devouring yours, one of his hands moving down and underneath your shirt, grabbing your breast and squeezing it harshly. Your arms locked around his neck, moans getting caught by his skillful mouth. Were you still dreaming?

“Seokmin,” you moaned when his hand squeezed your nipple and only then did he realize what was happening. Immediately, he parted from you, causing you to miss his kiss and touch the second he left.

“What-,” you began, but before you could even finish the question, he had already turned around and walked back into his room, closing the door behind him. And locking it.

He acted like nothing happened. You were anxiously waiting in the kitchen the next morning, but once he came back from his run he just showed you his normal goofy self, excusing himself to go take a shower. The way you had stood there, fully ready (not really) to talk about the night before, still in your pjs, still dizzy from the dream you had had as well as the very real kiss afterward. Why had he done that? Had he suddenly turned into a sleepwalker? A sleepwalker that kissed his roommate as if he had been starving?

You sure as hell weren’t going to bring it up first. So, you played along, pretending like it didn’t happen.

“I am declaring you clinically insane, Y/N,” Seungkwan was munching away on his corndog, while you and his (not) boyfriend Hansol sat opposite him at one of the smaller booths of the diner.

“He started it,” you shrugged, grabbing your own corndog now to take a bite from it.

“Okay, and? You could have started the conversation. For example: “Hey roomie, so about that night where you came out of your room clearly just done with getting yourself off and then kissed me? Like really hard? Against a wall?” See, that would have been a great conversation starter.”

You deadpanned at him.

“You’re an idiot,” shaking your head, you leaned back in your seat, “what if he really like, I don’t know, was in a delirious state? Maybe he drank alone before bed and just had a black out?”

“Or maybe he is an asshole who can’t own up to his actions,” Seungkwan shrugged, “but sure, yours sounds way more likely.”

“Seungkwan is right, Y/N. You should just bring it up,” Hansol looked at you and you sighed, letting your head drop onto the table.

“I don’t think I can. I’m too mortified. What if he totally regrets kissing me and that’s why he is pretending like it didn’t happen?”

“That still doesn’t give him permission to act this way. I don’t care if he is deeply in love with you or hates you, I just want him to be humane enough to tell you.”

It stung, the way he was right. Whatever Seokmin was feeling, he had to share it with you. He couldn’t just-

“Am I going crazy or is Seokmin standing outside?” You raised your head again, eyes wide when you realized you were, in fact, not going crazy. Seokmin was right there outside the diner, on the other side of the street, his phone in his hand, an anxious look on his face.

“Did you tell him you were coming here?” Hansol asked and you shook your head.

“No, we barely saw each other this morning.”

What was he doing here? And why did he look like he would rather be anywhere else? Your eyes scanned the surroundings, a sour feeling suddenly spreading in your guts. You were only a few streets down from your apartment, the street wasn’t exactly busy but had some really good places to eat. This was the perfect meeting spot for-

“Who’s that?” Seungkwan shifted closer to the window next to you, his eyes squeezed together as if he was trying harder to recognise whoever had just shown up next to Seokmin. You didn’t have to know her to… know her. Hyorin. His ex-girlfriend that had cheated on him. He had mentioned her to you only a few times, you being a little reluctant to ask considering he knew how you felt about him. But from what you had gathered he hated her, never wanted to see her again. So why was he here now? With her?

“Is that…?” Seungkwan looked over at you, worry displayed on his face and you pressed your lips together as you nodded.

She was beautiful. Tall, long silky black hair. Her skin glowing even from here. She was the girl Seokmin should be kissing in his delirious state, in any state, really. You swallowed down the tears that threatened to spill out and averted your gaze. Your appetite had left you and you wanted nothing more than to flee the scene, go home and never think of this moment again.

“Should we leave?” Hansol asked, looking over at Seungkwan a little helplessly. Seungkwan nodded quickly and his (not) boyfriend grabbed your arm and helped you get out of the booth. As much as you felt like yelling at him that you didn’t need this help, as much did you appreciate the gesture. Seungkwan paid at the front desk and you left the diner, your heart in desperate need for some distraction.

When Seokmin got home that evening, you weren’t there. A part of him was relieved while another one already missed your presence. Sighing, he kicked off his shoes and finally slipped down onto the couch, hands rubbing over his face. This whole thing was a mess. Today was a mess. Hyorin had called him and asked him to meet up and because he was who he was he had said yes. He should have known she would just try to apologize for the nth time, telling him it had only happened once and that he was the only one for her. Little did she know that he gave zero fucks at this point. He didn’t want her anymore, he didn’t love her anymore. She had broken his heart and stomped on it, had lied and cheated, had done all these horrible things to him. And yet, he was somewhat grateful because now he was right here. In your apartment.

It was silly, really, because he had been dating Hyorin for two years already when he saw you the first time. You and your cute gray sweatshirt and the high ponytail. You, who had been the cutest person in every single one of your classes together. You, who he couldn’t develop feelings for because he had a girlfriend. Unlike Hyorin, he wasn’t a cheater. He had loved her, truly loved her. And he had been shattered when he found out about the other guy, feeling like he could never be fixed again. He had to get out of the shared apartment, had to leave it all behind as soon as he possibly could - and he had somehow ended up on your doorstep. It was crazy how the universe worked.

And as if that hadn’t been enough, you suddenly confessed to him, turning all of his feelings upside down. Because what was he supposed to say? Supposed to do? God, he was heartbroken over Hyorin and yet there was this ray of light in the shape of a girl that loved to spend her evenings watching trashy teen drama and cry over a bucket of Ben & Jerry’s when a character you didn’t even particularly like died on screen.

Seokmin didn’t want to allow him to like you. He was scared that maybe you liking him altered his brain chemistry, that perhaps he would want to be with you only as a rebound and you were too good, too perfect to be anything of that kind. And so, when that night had happened and he had lost his composure, he knew he messed up. He knew you had feelings for him, god, he probably would have figured it out even if you hadn’t told him. Not just because of the dream he had overheard but because of the way you looked at him. The way you smiled, the way you laughed. He didn’t want you to look at anyone else like that.

The sound of a door unlocking filled the quiet room now and was soon joined by the giggles of a girl and the nervous laugh of a guy - and both of these voices were familiar to Seokmin. He immediately got up and walked over to the entry way - only to see Mingyu holding your waist as you, obviously drunk, tried to get out of your shoes.

“Mingyu?” Seokmin asked confusedly.

“Oh, hey Seok,” Mingyu said, holding you steady as you felt your knees giving in.

“What- what is going on?”

“We met at a bar, she was with Seungkwan and his boyfriend-,”

“He is not his boyfriend!” you interrupted him with a giggle.

“Uh, right, Seungkwan and his not-boyfriend were also super drunk and I called them a cab, but I really didn’t want to send Y/N home on her own so-,”

“Why didn’t you call me?” Seokmin now came closer, his eyes set on his best friend’s hand around your waist, his insides slowly but surely heating up with something he could only recognize as jealousy.

“Uh, I thought you were busy with… you know.”

Seokmin’s jaw tensed, his eyes fixed on Mingyu who had successfully held you down as you stepped out of your shoes.

“That has been resolved hours ago, Mingyu.”

“And how was he supposed to know that, hm?” The sudden sound of your voice made both men look over at you. Your hand was raised, finger pointed at Seokmin accusingly.

“Y/N-“, Mingyu started, but you shook your head and finally freed yourself from Mingyu’s grasp.

“No! No, I’m tired of this! Was it nice? Seeing your perfect ex again? Do you want to go back to her now? Move out and act like I don’t exist? Like you didn’t kiss me?”

Mingyu held his breath. You had told him all this in the bar earlier, where he had met you and Seungkwan and Hansol and where he had realized that you were madly in love with his best friend. He felt bad about you having seen Seokmin with Hyorin, but even more did he feel bad because it was also so painfully obvious that Seokmin liked you, too.

“I think you’re drunk,” Seokmin noted and you laughed, throwing your hands in the air. Mingyu stayed quiet.

“Do you, now? How observant of you, Seokmin.”

The two of you were staring at each other now, fury in both your eyes. Honestly, you didn’t know what he was angry about. After all you weren’t the one running back to her ex after kissing him the way he had you.

“I, uh, I guess I should go now,” Mingyu pointed at the door with his thumb over his shoulder, “you seem to… well, have a lot to talk about.”

The normally so cheerful and kind Seokmin didn’t wish his best friend a good night, nor did he even look at him when he left. Instead he kept looking at you, saw the way you waved at Mingyu and thanked him, your hand squeezing his arm. Lightning was shooting through him. Jealousy was about to eat him up, was about to make him grab you and yell that you shouldn’t touch Mingyu like that. It was dumb and he knew it. You made him crazy, you made him dumb. Like a teenager who was in love for the first time, unsure what to make of it.

Once the door had fallen shut, you stormed past your roommate, ready to enter your room and not leave it until the next day. Just that you didn’t get far. Seokmin ended up grabbing your arm after all, his touch burning on your skin.

“Mingyu is right, we do have a lot to talk about,” he said in a hushed voice, making you scoff.

“Fine, then talk.” With whatever willpower you had left, you looked at him. Saw the way his eyes were full of an emotion you couldn’t pinpoint - the fury from before still slightly visible but not alone. Perhaps it was anger for you speaking to him the way you had. Or maybe he was just annoyed at you for being drunk and loud and stupid.

“Look, Y/N. What happened between us was… it shouldn’t have happened, alright?”

“Why? Because you’re back together with your cheating ex?”

“No! God, no, I would never get back with Hyorin. And I can’t believe Mingyu told you about this and-,”

“He didn’t!” You freed yourself out of his grip, your eyes dangerously beginning to prickle, “I saw you. With her.”

He inhaled audibly - he hadn’t expected this. You saw him? With Hyorin? No wonder you were this upset. He pulled his hand through his hair.

“She wanted to talk things out. And because I’m too nice of a person I told her yes. Y/N, I don’t want to be with her anymore. She broke my heart, she hasn’t been the girl I fell in love with for ages now.”

“Why did you kiss me?” If you were honest, you didn’t really care about when Hyorin had stopped being the girl Seokmin loved. You were more interested in whether you were.

“I shouldn’t have done that.”

Pang. Your face flinched before your jaw tensed.

“Right,” your voice was smaller than you had wanted it to be, and the tears were even closer to spilling now. Of course he regretted it. Regretted kissing you, regretted making you feel the way you had. Because why would it be any different? Perhaps you should have tried to hook up with Mingyu tonight just to feel something different than this ache inside of you.

“I just- fuck, I just don’t want to take advantage of you. Of what you feel for me.”

Now, the tears of hurt were quickly changing to tears of anger. This man really had a talent in making you switch emotions in seconds.

“Excuse me? You- what?” You laughed bitterly, shaking your head, “don’t do this. Don’t make yourself look like a hero because you stepped back from kissing me. You did that because you wanted to. I didn’t come onto you even once in all the time you’ve been living here. So don’t you dare pin this on me or my feelings.” You hated that you began to shake and that your voice was higher than anticipated. You hated that the way he looked at you made you feel small and idiotic, made you feel as if you were the dumbest person on this earth. Instead of waiting for his response, you turned around on your heel, walking into your room and slamming the door shut behind you.

No one wanted to be in Seokmin’s shoes right now. After your fight he had also retreated back to his room, not exactly sure how to ever face you again. A day later he was at lunch with Mingyu, Cheol and Joshua and they all looked at him like he had suddenly grown three heads.

“I can’t believe you said that,” Joshua judged, shaking his head. Seokmin sighed, throwing his napkin on the table.

“Come on, was it really that bad?”

“Yes,” all three of his friends said in union, all their eyes on him, no sign of humor. Seokmin swallowed.

“I really thought I was doing the right thing,” he mumbled now, letting his head fall, eyes studying the pattern of the wooden table.

“By doing what? Pushing away a girl that’s absolutely crazy about you? That has been nothing but kind and wonderful towards you? That you very obviously have feelings for?” Mingyu snorted, crossing his arms, “no, that most certainly wasn’t the right thing to do, Seokmin.”

While Seokmin stayed silent, Seungcheol and Joshua nodded, telling Seokmin, once again, that he was an idiot. It was no use, though. He already knew he was! He knew he had messed up and even though a part of him still thought that, maybe, his intention had been noble, the part was slowly but surely getting kicked out.

“And what do you expect me to do? I can’t just go up to her and tell her that I was wrong for saying that. She doesn’t even talk to me!”

“Can’t really blame her, can you?” Seungcheol took a sip from his iced tea.

“Look, it’s only been a day. Let her calm down, give her space. Give yourself some more time to come up with the right thing to say. I’m sure it will be fine, you and Y/N will be fine.”

And as much as Seokmin appreciated the tough love followed by Joshua’s words of affirmation, he wasn’t sure it was really helping him. In fact, he wasn’t sure what could help him considering you started ignoring him from then on, even avoiding your shared space to either stay at Seungkwan’s place or just come home once Seokmin was already in bed. Every class you had together, you would sit right by one of the doors, arriving at the latest and leaving as soon as possible. Whilst Seokmin was trying his hardest to come up with a way to apologize to you, to win you back, you were trying your best to forget about your feelings for him. And for the most part it was even successful - you being mad at him and feeling like an idiot whenever you thought about the kiss you two had shared. But then again, only for the most part.

“You can’t just force yourself out of love with someone,” Seungkwan said on the nth night you’ve been sitting on his couch, a bucket of ice cream in your arms, the AC on the highest setting because, holy hell, was it hot outside.

“I can try,” you shrugged, staring at the TV screen. Seungkwan sighed, letting his eyes wander over your frame. You didn’t look your best, the hurt definitely coming through with bags under your eyes, your hair looking frizzy, the shirt you were wearing a stain right in the middle and when he had asked you about it, you couldn’t even tell him where that had come from.

So, when he got a call from Kim Mingyu two days later, he was eager as ever to meet up and hopefully get you off his couch.

The setting was in a small coffee shop, Seokmin seated nervously next to Mingyu who had ordered an iced americano for each of them. Seungkwan looked from one handsome guy to the other, clearing his throat.

“So, I’m guessing this is about Y/N?” he raised a brow and Mingyu quickly nodded, while Seokmin shifted on his seat, hands clasped around his plastic cup.

“Yup. Do you have any idea what Seok over here can do to, you know, get her to speak to him again?” Mingyu pointed at Seokmin with his thumb and Seungkwan chuckled as he watched Seokmin slap the thumb away, his cheeks a bright red.

“I’m sorry, I would’ve never come to you about this, but I’m desperate at this point. She is never home and when she is, she makes it her mission to not even acknowledge my existence.”

“Yeah, when she’s not home she is at my place. And let me tell you, it’s getting incredibly annoying, considering I have a “not-boyfriend” that I’d really like to invite over,” clicking his tongue, Seungkwan leaned back and grabbed his own beverage, taking a sip from the bright blue straw, “so, I am more than happy to help.”

For a few minutes they brainstormed, Mingyu suggesting that maybe Seokmin should just ambush her, maybe get a pair of handcuffs and- yeah, he was shut down by both Seokmin and Seungkwan rather quickly. Seokmin said that maybe he should just continue texting her and that perhaps she’d come around, but Seungkwan shook his head, telling him there was no use, he had never met anyone worse at texting and reading texts than his best friend.

After a moment of silence in which they all seemed a bit defeated, Seungkwan watched Mingyu take out his phone and open a message he had received on instagram. The only blonde at the table had never been quicker to sit up and almost knock over his drink.

“I know what you have to do.”

It had been two weeks since you had last talked to Seokmin and for once you were inside your apartment, knowing that he was at class while yours had been canceled. It was nice to be back home during day time for a change, your feet propped up on the small coffee table in front of the sofa. A book in your lap that you had discarded for a bit to check your phone, only to be hit in the face by a cruel, cruel reality. The book slipped off your lap as you withdrew your legs from the table and instead kneeled on the couch, both hands gripping your phone tightly.

“He has got to be joking,” you mumbled, feeling dizzy as you stared at the mirror pic Seokmin had posted half an hour ago. He hadn’t posted in months. Basically since he and Hyerin had broken up. His insta was mainly blank except for a few pictures he had taken of pretty sceneries. Never had he ever posted gym selfies. No. That had been Mingyu, showing off Seokmin’s body in his pictures as well as his own.

To be fair, there wasn’t much body to see on the selfie. It was him in the gym, his long sleeved shirt rolled up above his elbows, showing enough arm to make you head feel crazy. His left hand was holding his phone, his fingers spread over it and, fuck, his hand. His hair was just slightly messy, his jaw and neck on full display and you forgot how to breathe. Arousal pooled in between your legs now and you honestly couldn’t even understand why. Perhaps, you thought, because this was the first time you had seen his face in almost two weeks and this picture just fed into all of your small kinks about him. Swallowing hard, you licked your lips and continued to bury your teeth into the bottom one, your pussy already throbbing. How pathetic. Little did you know you were about to become even more pathetic. Only now did your eyes spot the small symbol on the right side of the post, signaling you that there wasn’t just one picture. With a throat as dry as the desert, you clicked back on the post, a shaking index finger swiping to the left, only to be met by what could only be described as worse. There you had the body you had so desperately wished for. Leaned back on what you assumed to be a bench press, his legs adjourned in baggy jeans you had seen him wear a handful of times. Back then you had been happy to not see them on him this much because for whatever reason he was even more sexy in them. They weren’t even tight (as baggy jeans already suggested), but they still seemed to fit him perfectly. And now, with him manspreading over a bench in the gym, the red-white shirt with a car race theme, sleeves still rolled up, one arm hanging over his right thigh, holding onto the black leather beneath him, showing off a pretty vein you could literally already feel underneath your tongue. He was crazy. Crazy and mean and horrible and you knew all of this on purpose. His fingers on display, his thighs looking so big in those god forsaken jeans. Hair messy, jawline looking so sharp you were sure it could cut glass.

And as if all of this wasn’t bad enough, you suddenly heard the door clicking open. Your head jerked up, your eyes wide and your cheeks flushed burgundy. When you saw Seokmin walk through the door and finally into the living room, you felt your phone slip from your hand and onto the couch. He was carrying a gym bag, his hair still slightly damp. His skin was glowing and his eyes were widened in surprise. He most definitely hadn’t expected to see you.

“I thought you had class?” He said, his gym bag dropping onto the floor next to him. You slowly got up from the couch.

“Got canceled. Yours?”

“Same.”

Nodding, you came to a stop in front of him, his tall figure towering over you, your chest heaving, head clouded by the smell of his cologne, of the knowledge he had posted that picture most definitely to get to you. With a heartbeat the speed of light, you looked into his eyes.

“Did Seungkwan tell you to post those pictures?” you whispered. Seokmin hesitated. Then he nodded.

“Did it work?” he asked, head slightly tilted to the side.

Instead of answering, your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him down to crash your lips against his. Seokmin immediately reacted, hands on the small of your back, pushing you closer. This kiss was different from the first, not less exciting or dizzying, but you felt more in control, felt more like this was it, this was what you had craved for so long.

Seokmin, meanwhile, was on cloud nine, your lips feeling so incredible on his. For him this was all he had wanted for the last weeks and while he had gotten that small taste back then, nothing could have prepared him for what he was feeling right now. All sense of self control left his body as he deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding over your bottom lip, asking to be let in. Once your tongues touched, there was no way in hell this was going to end. You moaned into his mouth, your nails digging into his skin while he moved his hands down, wrapping around your thighs to lift you up. Instinctively your legs swung around him, his hands leaving burns where he touched you.

He moved over to the couch where you had sat before, sitting down with you now straddling him, both of your hands roaming around the other’s body. You let your fingers slide under his shirt and together you took it off, lips parting momentarily and letting you admire his toned chest, his abs and shoulders. You took your sweet time, fingers caressing his skin while your lips latched onto his neck, sucking harshly. Seokmin moaned, one hand on the back of your head, while the other laid on your thigh.

With every passing second you felt yourself grow wetter, your hips beginning to grind down, both of your clothed crotches meeting, making both of you even more desperate. Seokmin grabbed your face, kissing you passionately once more, thumbs on either side of your cheeks. You whimpered when you felt him buck up, his erection already making your head spin. Never had you ever wanted anyone as bad. Finally, his hands moved to take off your shirt, leaving you in shorts and nothing else. A groan escaped him, hands all over your breasts, lips sucking your hard nipple inside his mouth, your head falling back, hands digging into his scalp. He was devouring your tits one at a time, hands squeezing them harshly as you couldn’t help but move your hips against him.

“S-Seokmin, please,” you whined, the arousal literally audible. Hearing you say his name like this… Seokmin parted from your chest and instead looked up at you.

“Seungkwan told me something,” he whispered, one hand now moving down, while the other was back on your face, “he told me you take a… certain liking to my fingers.” The smirk on his face made you forget to kill Seungkwan later. You licked over your lips, biting down on it after, only to let out a small gasp when his right hand slipped into your shorts, pressing down on the wet spot between your legs. He sucked in a breath.

“Fuck, arren’t you wet for me, angel?” He whispered, while his other hand moved to your lips now, his eyebrows shooting up as he held eye contact. You knew what he wanted and you were more than eager to oblige. Parting your lips and stretching out your tongue, Seokmin felt himself twitch as he laid his index and middle finger on top of your tongue.

“Suck,” he then ordered you and without thinking twice, you did as asked. The fingers were long and thin and perfect and your eyes rolled back when you felt him press down on your tongue, his eyes becoming a little crazier with every passing second.

“Both your holes stuffed with my fingers, what do you think?” his voice made goosebumps erupt all over your body, moaning around his digits while nodding wildly. Seokmin chuckled, not saying anything as he shoved your panties to the side, your hips almost automatically lifting so he could coat himself in your juice, his cock growing harder with every inch of him that got blessed with your arousal.

“Think you can take two already?” when you nodded again, he immediately let his pretty fingers sink into you, both of you moaning at the contact. He sank in as deep as he could, until every bit was inside of you, knuckles deep, making him feel like he was either going to cum in his pants or simply explode.

“God, you feel so fucking good, angel. Common, fuck yourself on my fingers and don’t forget to suck.”

Your body began moving right away. Your mouth was sucking his fingers as if they were his cock, tongue pressing, tongue flicking against them. Head bobbing back and forth as your hips moved up and down on his other hand, his fingers feeling heavenly inside your walls. And when he put his thumb on your clit, you were sure the heavenly feeling would soon get you to cum all over him.

“Good girl, doing so well for me, fuck,” Seokmin felt his throat dry up, sweat forming on the top of his head. How badly he wanted to fuck you right now, just get his fingers out and replace them with his throbbing cock - but he wanted to take his time with you. He wanted to see you live out your dream with his fingers buried inside of you, with your saliva coating his one hand and your perfect, sweet arousal the other. He wanted to see you come undone like this, fucking yourself on his fingers, before he took you the way he wanted, making you scream his name and beg him to make you cum with his cock.

You felt your orgasm closing in on you, your movements becoming sloppier, eyes rolled back and the fingers in your mouth almost forgotten. Once Seokmin noticed, he grinned, beginning to fuck them inside your mouth himself, a high pitched moan escaping you and making another bit of precum shoot out of Seokmin’s cock.

“Yeah, are you close, baby? Come on, I know you want to cum for me.” He leaned forward, the angle of his fingers changing slightly, hitting you right where you needed him and when his lips began kissing and licking at your neck, you couldn’t help but cum hard, your pussy clenching around his fingers over and over again, milking yourself for all you had.

“Fuck,” he was in a daze, pulling both sets of fingers outside your holes, eyes searching for yours, before closing his lips around the fingers that had just made you cum so beautifully. You whimpered, pussy throbbing at the sight of him licking your arousal from his own digits.

“Seokmin…,” you cried out and he pulled his fingers back, instead shooting forward now to kiss you again. You could taste yourself on his lips, hands now back around his neck, eyes closed shut as he kissed you with delicious desperation.

“Fuck me on the windowsill, Seok, please.”

He parted from you only for a second, before nodding and kissing you again, getting up with your legs wrapped around him, finally placing you on the narrow sill, hands gripping your shorts and panties and pulling them off your legs. You watched as he opened his own jeans next, letting them fall to the floor before finally revealing what you had only imagined so far. You couldn’t help but stare, your mouth watering at the sight of his big cock, all red at the tip and veiny, thick and a little bent to the left. Oh, how much you wanted him to ruin you.

“I can’t wait to fuck you, baby,” he purred now, arms back around your body, lips closing around yours again. Every inch of you was on fire, your hands immediately finding his cock, one grabbing his balls, while the other was around his girth, moving up to let your thumb slide over his slit. He twitched in your hand, a beautiful moan coming out his mouth that had you shivering. Spreading your legs further, you brought his leaking cock to your lips, letting the tip circle your clit for a bit, both of you moaning into the other's mouth, before finally lining him up with your sopping core.

“Please, fuck me, I need you so bad,” your voice was muffled against his lips and he nodded, replacing your hand with his to push inside you, the stretch having your nails dig into his shoulders, whimpers escaping your pink lips as he lowered himself into you until he bottomed out, his forehead now pressing against yours.

“You feel so good, so perfect around me, baby,” he kissed you softly, hands sliding over your sides up to your tits, and once he began squeezing them again, his lips finding yours, he began thrusting, first deep and hard, before he quickened, your legs pulling him even closer. He was perfect. The way he held you, the way his thumb was on your nipple, lips now sucking on the sensitive skin on your neck, cock fucking you deep and hard and quick, leaving no room for complaints. You didn’t know how to ever stop moaning his name, how to be quiet, how to not have your body already signal another climax.

“A-am close,” you whined and Seokmin nodded, head now in between your neck and shoulder, kissing every inch of your skin. Nothing had ever felt this good, no sex with anyone had ever made him feel as if he was going to cum within seconds, while also wanting it to never end. He sped up once more, hands back on your face as he wanted to cum with your tongue inside his mouth, with your lips claimed as his. You tried to match his pace, desperate and breathy moans filling the air that already smelled like nothing but sex. There was nothing you could do to prevent the orgasm rushing over you, your walls clenching around his cock over and over again, his movements getting sloppier with every second, your and his salivas mixing, running over both your chins when he finally sucked your tongue into his mouth as he came, hot white cum spreading in your pussy that now milked him for all he had, every little drop as precious as the other.

“Fuck, oh my god,” Seokmin breathed into your mouth, his hands caressing your hair as he kissed your neck, both of you slowly getting down from your highs. You two stayed like this for a while. Him, kissing your neck, your shoulders, your chin and finally your lips. It suddenly feels like everything has fallen into place perfectly, like this is what should have happened the first time he ever stepped into place, maybe even when you first laid eyes on him three years ago. He stays inside you, your combined releases only slowly dripping out of you. How could he make you feel this precious? This fragile in the best way?

“Y/N…”, he then whispers after a while, his hands next to you on the sill, his eyes so soft and yet full of guilt. For a second you think he regrets having done this but then you hear his next words.

“I’m so sorry I pushed you away. I never should have done that. I was scared of my own feelings and of taking advantage of you, and I get now that I should have just talked to you about this instead of acting like I was protecting you when in reality I was just protecting myself,” he caressed your face, a stray lock of hair finds it’s way behind your ear by his finger.

“I get it. And I’m sorry too, for, you know, completely shutting you out.” You smile weakly and Seokmin chuckles, kissing your cheek again.

“I would have done the same. So, you forgive me?”

“Isn’t you coming inside me enough reason to believe I have?” You tease him with a slight grin and he turns red, looking down at him still buried inside your warmth.

“Thank you. For forgiving me,” he looks up at you, a mischievous glint in his eyes, “and also for letting me cum inside you.”

You start laughing, pushing him away slightly by the shoulder and your heart seems to jump out of your chest when he kisses you again. You were sure that you’ll never get tired of doing this.

“So, if i want you to get turned on I’ll just need to post more gym pics?” Seokmin’s arm was around you, both of you freshly out of the shower seated on the couch. You scoffed, but felt your cheeks heat up.

“Shut up,” you couldn’t help but smile though, the fact he was so close to you, holding you. It was all too much but in the best way possible. You never wanted to let this man go again.

“You’re so cute when you’re flustered”, he giggled now, and god, had you ever heard a more adorable sound? You doubted it. Just when you were about to respond (mainly to tell him to shut up again), you heard your phone ring. Looking over Seokmin’s lap, you saw your phone where you’d left it. He followed your gaze and grabbed your phone for you, a knowing smile on his lips.

“If we were to unlock this now, what would we find, hm?”

Ignoring him, you finally picked up. It was Seungkwan.

“Hi traitor,” you said, eyebrows raised. Seungkwan scoffed on the other side.

“Oh please, you can’t tell me y’all didn’t fuck.”

Seokmin, who was very obnoxiously leaning in closer to hear the conversation, giggled again, his cheeks turning rosy. You rolled your eyes.

“Doesn’t mean I appreciate you spilling my kinks to people you barely know.”

“You know you do kind of love me for it though. So, you two together now?” You froze in place, while your eyes moved very slowly to look at Seokmin. What you saw made your stomach turn and twist and tumble and millions of butterflies suddenly started dancing Gangnam Style. His eyes were so fond, his features soft, the rose on his cheeks now accented by his bright perfect smile. When he nodded, his hand coming to caress your head, you couldn’t help but smile the brightest you ever had.

“As a matter of fact, yes. Yes, we are.”

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butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway · 4 months ago

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hey, so like. I'm a vaguely sex-indifferent asexual who's only had sex a handful of times but like. I had sex with someone who wanted me to ride them once and I could not for the life of me work out how the fuck you're supposed to move to make that both pleasurable and to not accidentally slip off your partner's dick and just.

"bounces on dick like I'm riding him to half canter."

my dude you have no idea how much this has clicked into my head as oh of course that's how that'd work. thank you??? idk when I'll ever ride someone's dick again but now I know how to make it way more enjoyable.

LMAOOOOOOOOOO there's a reason horse girls are all fucking sluuuuuuuuuuts (i say as a former horsehirl and current, proud slut)

People will sell you all manner of workouts to "make you better in bed" but fundamentally the best workout for sexual stamina I've ever had was daily horseback riding back when i worked as a stable hand. That shit will make you ride dick/strap like a motherfucking god

Also: it's a cheap and dirty trick for almost everything sex related, but yall, I'm begging my fellow three-holed sex havers to start doing kegel exercises with weighted aids until you can literally just orgasm command because I've had to do pelvic floor exercises my entire life and one time I rode dick so hard,so long, and so good, that the dick came dry on the last round and this was in no small part because I am capable of massaging the dick on purpose from the inside out baybeeeeeee. You know that trick people do with blowjobs where they put the condom on with their mouth? I can do that with my pussy folks, and trust me, they fuckin NOTICE the quality.

Not to mention, once your pelvic floor is in real good shape, basically anything can feel pleasurable because it's less about WHAT IS HAPPENING IN YOUR VAG and more about you physically inducing orgasm via muscle manipulation. It's the great equalizer of sex and orgasms. I have a lot of neuroses that mean I struggle with orgasm broadly, and especially on my own, but kegels have made it so that I am "sensitive" enough to orgasm real fast as soon as a partner whose movement I am not personally responsible for gets involved.

If anyone has seen that post about "none of your deserve to joke about pillow princesses until you respect the skill", this is kinda what that's talking about. Not that it's MY preference (I am not a pillow princess but I've fucked some and 😍😍😍😍) but I am very capable of laying back and making my top cum **no matter what they're doing** or if it should actually work out that way, because I understand how to perform kegels during sex to A) prevent dick/strap from fully popping out when things get a lil too wet and wild, B) "stroke" the dick/strap in an intentional grip and movement like with a handjob but in my pussy, my anus, or my mouth/throat as well, C) make sure I'm not getting so tight the dick can't keep doing its thing (less of an issue for straps but you fuck a glass strap for 3hrs and tell me how you feel about the idea that you can't get too tight on one for it to work right), and D) how to rotate my hips to adjust depths of thrusts to a top's preference for reaching or holding off from orgasm. That takes skill motherfucker, don't tell me a pillow princess doesn't work hard, that hole is premium grade have some respect and eat it out like it deserves.

.....I've gotten off topic here.

Anyway, I always HATED riding dick/strap because it's just not my thing you know, and like even now it is the worst of the positions for my personal pleasure. But you just can't beat the look on a power bottom's face when you pillow princess them from above like a goddamn succubus, and it turns out that horseback riding will teach you how to do just that while absolutely never once acknowledging that half the point of a morning ride for the horses is rubbing a few out in the saddle where no one can judge you but you and your god

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miraculouslbcnreactions · 1 month ago

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Hi, I've been watching s4 (unfortunately) and one thing I've realised is that part of it's weird "secrets" plotline is how... chopped up it is? I'm so sorry, but I might rant a little.

Ep 1-4 (including mr pidgeon 72 since it directly leads off from gang of secrets) are mostly connected regarding the issue of the superhero secrets messing with the Main Characters civillain lives. Ep 3 resolves this somewhat. This then leads to Alya Knowing, but while it's used a few times, its generally a background thing that's not used in the plot itself save a few episodes.

And then the next time the issue of the superhero-related- secrets comes back is... Optigami, ep 13. There's about 9 episodes of not really caring about the secrets plotline in favor of Zoe and the Felix thing. (I'm not including Guiltrip or anything in the secrets theme since they feel more standalone)

Optigami is the next time the whole "secrets" plot is brought up, finally addressing miracle queen and also not fixing the hole they pointed out. It also leads to Alya going full time and directly into Sentibubbler, possibly the First Time we see CN noticeably upset about being left out of the loop. Possibly also the first time in s4 we see that there IS a possible issue between the heroes.

And then it's picked back up for "Hack San" with the Scarabella thing and "Rocketear" with Nino, even if it's a bit strange in tone as to what exactly is the wrong action in these situations...and of course dropped again for another 4 episodes before "Ephemeral" (which only counts more than Wishmaker since it's CN seems slightly upset at the end about LB keeping secrets, I don't think he's ever told what she was going to talk about, why viperion was there, or why she had a timer on?)

(Slight tangent but it seems that this convo, basically having CN ok with having the team cover for him,

Ladybug: The countdown has begun. It's 1 am, and we've got just five minutes before you transform back. So we've got to be done by 1:05. You'll rewind on my signal.

Cat Noir: (upon landing on top of the Eiffel Tower) I'm sorry, but I really couldn't make it earlier.

Ladybug: (waves) Hey, no big deal! That's the good thing about a team. It's not the two of us anymore!

Cat Noir: Oh, yeah! So then, why did you need me exactly?

Technically no longer exists in main canon. In the current timeline the convo is cut off:

Ladybug: The countdown has begun. It's 1 am, and we've got just five minutes before you transform back. So we've got to be done by 1:05. You'll rewind on my signal.

Cat Noir: (upon landing on top of the Eiffel Tower) I'm sorry, but I really couldn't make it—

(The lights are flashing alternately, while the malfunctioning cars are making a lot of noise)

So we Could assume that CN, instead of being reassured that things were fine and being chill with it, is instead more upset due to there being a Mysterious Meeting that's left unexplained. Thats probrably the best way to explain his perceived heel turn over the team in Kuro Neko.

But also the sheer existence of that exchange means that you'd mostly remember that, AND him being upset at the end, it's really confusing and the audience is forced to fill in too many gaps. But I digress)

Kuro Neko is basically the climax of this issue that was spread out from episodes 14, 16-17, and 22. It ends with this issue seemingly resolved at the end. Since the inbewteen episodes have Ladynoir acting completely normal, CN seems to ping-pong between whether or not he's upset woth Ladybug about secrets.

(Also, on the topic of Kuro Neko, it's the only episode before the finale I can clearly note CN offering help and LB rejecting it, this help being helping her retrieve the other Miraculous from the temps faster. A reasonable offer that she unfortunately doesn't take, but it's like once only. He offers again in Risk, and honestly I think the only reason they put these moments in is so the audience has at least once instance of her refusing help when LB later mentions it in her breakdown. They only bothered putting it into later episodes so its fresh in our memories and nothing else, so its not built up well.)

To put it simply, while s4 appears to have a theme of "secrets" being... bad? Good? I'm not sure, The only real times it's brought up even briefly are spread out horribly: Eps 1-4, then nothing till 13-14, 16-17, 22-23, and then the finale 25&26.

Even when the episodes are close together theres at least one episode in between messing with the flow. In short, would the conflict have been done better if they had stuck those later episodes together, or would it at least have helped fans perspectives on it? Again, sorry for the long rant ask.

Also, on the topic of Kuro Neko, it's the only episode before the finale I can clearly note CN offering help and LB rejecting it, this help being helping her retrieve the other Miraculous from the temps faster. A reasonable offer that she unfortunately doesn't take, but it's like once only.

THANK YOU!!! I recently brought up the fact that I couldn't remember Chat Noir offering to help outside of Kuro Neko, but I was worried that I was forgetting something. It's nice to have it confirmed that he really did quit after a single rejection. Writers, wtf are you doing? This is not how you write a good conflict where Chat Noir comes across as deeply wronged!

Anyway, don't apologize for the rant, I enjoyed it! Much like the Kuro Neko thing, it was nice to get confirmation that season four played out the way that I thought it did. While I've reread the scripts for certain episodes while running this blog, I only watched season four once so there was always a chance that I'd forgotten some random nuance. This risk was only enhanced by how badly the writing setup the supposed conflict between Ladybug and Chat Noir. I didn't even realize that the Ladynoir conflict was going to be a thing until we were at least a few episodes in so I always wondered if I missed something subtle in the early episodes. Sounds like I didn't.

Then there was the issue of what the conflict was even about. I thought that the Ladynoir conflict was going to be over Alya learning Ladybug's identity and basically getting promoted to Ladybug's partner. That's a solid conflict in which both sides have valid points of view. Ladybug should get to choose who she trust! However, it's also perfectly valid if Chat Noir is not interested in being partnered with someone who doesn't seem to trust him. We even had a solid set-up for Ladybug's actions costing her everything without Chat Noir holding any blame because Chat Noir was never told about Rena Furtive. That could have lead him to do something dangerous in battle because he mistook her for an enemy, which would have been 100% Ladybug's fault!

None of that ended up mattering, though. Instead of using these lovely setups for complex and nuanced conflict, the Ladynoir conflict ended up coming to a head over...

Plagg: For a while now, you've been neglecting this camembert— I mean Cat Noir, and going on adventures with the all other cheeses! Ladybug: But he should be happy about it, it gives him more time off. Plagg: Cat Noir doesn't wanna have time off, Ladybug! He is in love with you! And your persistent calling on all the other heroes has broken his heart.

Ladybug relying on other heroes in battle.

Why would you pick that as the reason Chat Noir quits??? That is the one issue where Ladybug is objectively completely right! When it comes to battle strategy, feelings legitimately do not matter!!! Ladybug shouldn't prioritize Chat Noir in the middle of a battle! She needs to do whatever is required to save the day even if it means picking a temp hero over Chat Noir. Paris' safety matters more than Chat Noir's need to feel special!

Also, as anon alluded to in the ask, Chat Noir feeling like he isn't special enough isn't the right conflict to focus on. It isn't properly set up! The Ladynoir conflict comes to a head in episode 23 (Kuro Neko). The last episode to address this conflict was episode 17 (Rocketear). The conflict introduced there was this:

Adrien: Huh? You're... Carapace? But... the two of you know?! You know each other's secret identities?! Nino: Of course, Alya and I have never kept anything from each other. Until now, though that Cat Noir's business! Adrien: Wait a sec, I don't understand! I thought that secret identities had to be protected at all costs. If it were true, you'd never just tell me like that. Ladybug would never agree to that! Nino: Are you kidding? Ladybug is the one who gave us both our Miraculous at the same time.

This is yet another decent source of conflict. Ladybug didn't reveal Alya and Nino's identities on a whim, it was an emergency! But Chat Noir doesn't know that and this is right after he learned that someone else knows Ladybug's identity, so it makes sense for him to feel like he's not a true part of them team. In spite of this, identities never come up in Kuro Neko nor is the conflict focused on Chat Noir feeling like he's not part of the team. The Kuro Neko conflict is about Chat Noir wanting to be more than just another part of the team. This is what leads to the argument where he quits:

Clara: (from TV) By the way, where's Cat Noir? You've saved Paris without him quite a few times recently. Are you two at odds with each other? Ladybug: (from TV) Of course not, it's just that... umm, he's a partner like any other! The most important is to pick the best superheroes for each mission, with or without Cat Noir. No matter what, we've got a great team and we'll always be here to save Paris. (Adrien is shocked.) Adrien: (turns off the TV and sighs) "A partner like any other..."

None of that fits the rest of the season! The conflict you set up was him feeling left out, not him feeling like he wasn't special enough!!! If the conflict was supposed to be him wanting a bigger role, then write that! Have him ask for more responsibility outside of this one episode! Have him learn about Rena Furtive and get upset about her having a special role! Let him think that Alya and Nino know each other's identities because of some special role they've been given! Without those moments, this conflict comes out of nowhere. It also makes him look weirdly demanding and self-centered.

I'm starting to rehash my season four rant, so lets cut this off here and give some final thoughts.

My best guess is as to why this season's main conflict was such a mess is that this is yet another case where the show's commitment to being an episodic formula show cost us good writing. Chat Noir quitting after finding out about Rena Furtive or the identity reveal is a complex plot that's hard to pull off in 20 minutes, especially when you have to include an akuma fight along the way. It also doesn't really standalone as it would be bringing in plot points from other episodes. Add in the fact that a proper resolution to the conflict would probably take more than a single episode and this just doesn't work in canon. None of that fits an episodic formula show so the show couldn't do any of it.

In spite of this, the writers apparently wanted a Ladynoir conflict, so they did the worst of both worlds and just threw in a bunch of random conflicts throughout the season even though those conflicts could never be properly addressed. They also didn't want to make every episode depressing because this is supposed to be a fun show for kids and so the majority of the season sees Ladynoir being totally fine, completely undermining this supposed conflict. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Ladynoir are simply way too happy in season four for me to buy into this supposed conflict.

I'll end by once again thanking anon for the rant! It was a genuine relief to read near identical thoughts from someone fresh from a rewatch where they watched with the full knowledge of what the conflict was supposed to be.

(Note anon I did get part two of this ask. It's queued for tomorrow.)

#anon ask #ml writing critical #ml writing salt #kuro neko my beloathed #Formula show problems #adrien deserves better #He has so many valid sources of anger in season four and the writers used none of them #season four my beloathed

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alpaca-clouds · 5 days ago

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We need to talk about AI

Okay, several people asked me to post about this, so I guess I am going to post about this. Or to say it differently: Hey, for once I am posting about the stuff I am actually doing for university. Woohoo!

Because here is the issue. We are kinda suffering a death of nuance right now, when it comes to the topic of AI.

I understand why this happening (basically everyone wanting to market anything is calling it AI even though it is often a thousand different things) but it is a problem.

So, let's talk about "AI", that isn't actually intelligent, what the term means right now, what it is, what it isn't, and why it is not always bad. I am trying to be short, alright?

So, right now when anyone says they are using AI they mean, that they are using a program that functions based on what computer nerds call "a neural network" through a process called "deep learning" or "machine learning" (yes, those terms mean slightly different things, but frankly, you really do not need to know the details).

Now, the theory for this has been around since the 1940s! The idea had always been to create calculation nodes that mirror the way neurons in the human brain work. That looks kinda like this:

Basically, there are input nodes, in which you put some data, those do some transformations that kinda depend on the kind of thing you want to train it for and in the end a number comes out, that the program than "remembers". I could explain the details, but your eyes would glaze over the same way everyone's eyes glaze over in this class I have on this on every Friday afternoon.

All you need to know: You put in some sort of data (that can be text, math, pictures, audio, whatever), the computer does magic math, and then it gets a number that has a meaning to it.

And we actually have been using this sinde the 80s in some way. If any Digimon fans are here: there is a reason the digital world in Digimon Tamers was created in Stanford in the 80s. This was studied there.

But if it was around so long, why am I hearing so much about it now?

This is a good question hypothetical reader. The very short answer is: some super-nerds found a way to make this work way, way better in 2012, and from that work (which was then called Deep Learning in Artifical Neural Networks, short ANN) we got basically everything that TechBros will not shut up about for the last like ten years. Including "AI".

Now, most things you think about when you hear "AI" is some form of generative AI. Usually it will use some form of a LLM, a Large Language Model to process text, and a method called Stable Diffusion to create visuals. (Tbh, I have no clue what method audio generation uses, as the only audio AI I have so far looked into was based on wolf howls.)

LLMs were like this big, big break through, because they actually appear to comprehend natural language. They don't, of coruse, as to them words and phrases are just stastical variables. Scientists call them also "stochastic parrots". But of course our dumb human brains love to anthropogice shit. So they go: "It makes human words. It gotta be human!"

It is a whole thing.

It does not understand or grasp language. But the mathematics behind it will basically create a statistical analysis of all the words and then create a likely answer.

What you have to understand however is, that LLMs and Stable Diffusion are just a a tiny, minority type of use cases for ANNs. Because research right now is starting to use ANNs for EVERYTHING. Some also partially using Stable Diffusion and LLMs, but not to take away people'S jobs.

Which is probably the place where I will share what I have been doing recently with AI.

The stuff I am doing with Neural Networks

The neat thing: if a Neural Network is Open Source, it is surprisingly easy to work with it. Last year when I started with this I was so intimidated, but frankly, I will confidently say now: As someone who has been working with computers for like more than 10 years, this is easier programming than most shit I did to organize data bases. So, during this last year I did three things with AI. One for a university research project, one for my work, and one because I find it interesting.

The university research project trained an AI to watch video live streams of our biology department's fish tanks, analyse the behavior of the fish and notify someone if a fish showed signs of being sick. We used an AI named "YOLO" for this, that is very good at analyzing pictures, though the base framework did not know anything about stuff that lived not on land. So we needed to teach it what a fish was, how to analyze videos (as the base framework only can look at single pictures) and then we needed to teach it how fish were supposed to behave. We still managed to get that whole thing working in about 5 months. So... Yeah. But nobody can watch hundreds of fish all the time, so without this, those fish will just die if something is wrong.

The second is for my work. For this I used a really old Neural Network Framework called tesseract. This was developed by Google ages ago. And I mean ages. This is one of those neural network based on 1980s research, simply doing OCR. OCR being "optical character recognition". Aka: if you give it a picture of writing, it can read that writing. My work has the issue, that we have tons and tons of old paper work that has been scanned and needs to be digitized into a database. But everyone who was hired to do this manually found this mindnumbing. Just imagine doing this all day: take a contract, look up certain data, fill it into a table, put the contract away, take the next contract and do the same. Thousands of contracts, 8 hours a day. Nobody wants to do that. Our company has been using another OCR software for this. But that one was super expensive. So I was asked if I could built something to do that. So I did. And this was so ridiculously easy, it took me three weeks. And it actually has a higher successrate than the expensive software before.

Lastly there is the one I am doing right now, and this one is a bit more complex. See: we have tons and tons of historical shit, that never has been translated. Be it papyri, stone tablets, letters, manuscripts, whatever. And right now I used tesseract which by now is open source to develop it further to allow it to read handwritten stuff and completely different letters than what it knows so far. I plan to hook it up, once it can reliably do the OCR, to a LLM to then translate those texts. Because here is the thing: these things have not been translated because there is just not enough people speaking those old languages. Which leads to people going like: "GASP! We found this super important document that actually shows things from the anceint world we wanted to know forever, and it was lying in our collection collecting dust for 90 years!" I am not the only person who has this idea, and yeah, I just hope maybe we can in the next few years get something going to help historians and archeologists to do their work.

Make no mistake: ANNs are saving lives right now

Here is the thing: ANNs are Deep Learning are saving lives right now. I really cannot stress enough how quickly this technology has become incredibly important in fields like biology and medicine to analyze data and predict outcomes in a way that a human just never would be capable of.

I saw a post yesterday saying "AI" can never be a part of Solarpunk. I heavily will disagree on that. Solarpunk for example would need the help of AI for a lot of stuff, as it can help us deal with ecological things, might be able to predict weather in ways we are not capable of, will help with medicine, with plants and so many other things.

ANNs are a good thing in general. And yes, they might also be used for some just fun things in general.

And for things that we may not need to know, but that would be fun to know. Like, I mentioned above: the only audio research I read through was based on wolf howls. Basically there is a group of researchers trying to understand wolves and they are using AI to analyze the howling and grunting and find patterns in there which humans are not capable of due ot human bias. So maybe AI will hlep us understand some animals at some point.

Heck, we saw so far, that some LLMs have been capable of on their on extrapolating from being taught one version of a language to just automatically understand another version of it. Like going from modern English to old English and such. Which is why some researchers wonder, if it might actually be able to understand languages that were never deciphered.

All of that is interesting and fascinating.

Again, the generative stuff is a very, very minute part of what AI is being used for.

Yeah, but WHAT ABOUT the generative stuff?

So, let's talk about the generative stuff. Because I kinda hate it, but I also understand that there is a big issue.

If you know me, you know how much I freaking love the creative industry. If I had more money, I would just throw it all at all those amazing creative people online. I mean, fuck! I adore y'all!

And I do think that basically art fully created by AI is lacking the human "heart" - or to phrase it more artistically: it is lacking the chemical inbalances that make a human human lol. Same goes for writing. After all, an AI is actually incapable of actually creating a complex plot and all of that. And even if we managed to train it to do it, I don't think it should.

AI saving lives = good.

AI doing the shit humans actually evolved to do = bad.

And I also think that people who just do the "AI Art/Writing" shit are lazy and need to just put in work to learn the skill. Meh.

However...

I do think that these forms of AI can have a place in the creative process. There are people creating works of art that use some assets created with genAI but still putting in hours and hours of work on their own. And given that collages are legal to create - I do not see how this is meaningfully different. If you can take someone else's artwork as part of a collage legally, you can also take some art created by AI trained on someone else's art legally for the collage.

And then there is also the thing... Look, right now there is a lot of crunch in a lot of creative industries, and a lot of the work is not the fun creative kind, but the annoying creative kind that nobody actually enjoys and still eats hours and hours before deadlines. Swen the Man (the Larian boss) spoke about that recently: how mocapping often created some artifacts where the computer stuff used to record it (which already is done partially by an algorithm) gets janky. So far this was cleaned up by humans, and it is shitty brain numbing work most people hate. You can train AI to do this.

And I am going to assume that in normal 2D animation there is also more than enough clean up steps and such that nobody actually likes to do and that can just help to prevent crunch. Same goes for like those overworked souls doing movie VFX, who have worked 80 hour weeks for the last 5 years. In movie VFX we just do not have enough workers. This is a fact. So, yeah, if we can help those people out: great.

If this is all directed by a human vision and just helping out to make certain processes easier? It is fine.

However, something that is just 100% AI? That is dumb and sucks. And it sucks even more that people's fanart, fanfics, and also commercial work online got stolen for it.

And yet... Yeah, I am sorry, I am afraid I have to join the camp of: "I am afraid criminalizing taking the training data is a really bad idea." Because yeah... It is fucking shitty how Facebook, Microsoft, Google, OpenAI and whatever are using this stolen data to create programs to make themselves richer and what not, while not even making their models open source. BUT... If we outlawed it, the only people being capable of even creating such algorithms that absolutely can help in some processes would be big media corporations that already own a ton of data for training (so basically Disney, Warner and Universal) who would then get a monopoly. And that would actually be a bad thing. So, like... both variations suck. There is no good solution, I am afraid.

And mind you, Disney, Warner, and Universal would still not pay their artists for it. lol

However, that does not mean, you should not bully the companies who are using this stolen data right now without making their models open source! And also please, please bully Hasbro and Riot and whoever for using AI Art in their merchandise. Bully them hard. They have a lot of money and they deserve to be bullied!

But yeah. Generally speaking: Please, please, as I will always say... inform yourself on these topics. Do not hate on stuff without understanding what it actually is. Most topics in life are nuanced. Not all. But many.

#computer science #artifical intelligence #neural network #artifical neural network #ann #deep learning #ai #large language model #science #research #nuance #explanation #opinion #text post #ai explained #solarpunk #cyberpunk

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deceit-and-knowledge · 1 month ago

Note

( Shadow Milk is on a therapist streak rn xD )

Thank you Lord Shadow Milk..! You are the greatest! *Gives him a few pats on the head, then goes back to their sewing projects while listening in.* - Umbrella Anon

ooc: :3

s: *purrs*

Hmm..*begins gently preening, accidentally hurting recluse*

t: *growls and glares at shadow milk*

s: not my fault SOMEONE doesn't take care of their wings. It's your fault if this hurts. *Combing through the feathers* your feathers are so dry.. hm.. *finds an oil gland* yes you have it.. *brushes the oil across the feathers*

t: ... *Twitches*

s: annnnd you're sensitive too, great.. you're probably worse since you have cuts and stuff..

Now what did you want to talk about..?

t: ...how did you tell pure vanilla cookie that you're genderfluid. Did he understand it immediately or did you have to explain it..?

If so how did you explain it..

s: hm.. well he already had a basic understanding of that stuff but I did have to explain it a little..

I explained it as such! "Sometimes I feel more comfortable being a girl but majority a time it's a boy! I'll either shapeshift or present myself more feminine when I want to be all girly, because at the time I am a girl! So call me as such."

sooo why are you asking..?

t: I'm transgender..

s: ...Wait, really? Huh. Cool..what.. type of trans?

t: .........what do you mean what type??

s: hey pal, I don't know if you mean you're a trans guy or if you realised you're a trans girl..

t: well.. what do you think..

s: trans guy?! Alright. I'm guessing you want to tell sage..?

t: mhm..

How do I tell him..

s: hmm.. well I obviously don't know your exact relationship or his knowledge on the topic so we'll pretend he's clueless. Say though tweak this.. "hey my friend I have something to tell you, it's alright if you don't understand it but I must inform you that.." hm.. actually no. Explain what transgender is to him THEN tell him that you are and that you're happier this way and you felt uncomfortable as your previous gender identity aka the one you were mistakenly baked as! Bonus if you've taken any measures to change your appearance or gender stuff.. you can tell him that.

t: what if.. he hates me for it..

s: uh.. unfortunately if he hates you for it he's not a true friend , a real friend accepts you as you and a decision you made for yourself after coming to terms with it that makes YOU happier no matter what..

It's a choice. No it's who you are. You're a guy and kinda always have been one you just finally realised it however long ago or recently even. And it doesn't and shouldn't affect him, if it does. Did he even care to begin with?

if he can't respect that then I'm sorry but pure vanilla cookie and chicky will be there for you.

Sage is past me, so maybe you'll be the little kick he needs to realise his own identity if he gets curious enough about the topic..

t: ...ah..

s: so yeah. That's my advice.

*continues preening*

t: ....hm...

#trans headcanon #transgender headcanon #genderfluid headcanon #cookie run au #cookie run roleplay #cookie run rp #crk rp #crk roleplay #cookie run kingdom au #pure vanilla cookie #crk au #shadow milk cookie #rp blog #shadow milk crk #crk truthless recluse #truthless recluse

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hyumjim · 2 months ago

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On harm reduction and Google

I took the last of my percocet today, which was prescribed to me after a surgery I had last week. Unlike previous days, I took a normal dose of Adderall as well today since I wanted to get some things done, but I'm cramping a bit. In the interest of caution, I googled "percocet adderall interaction" before I took it, to make sure this would not be harmful to me (although my doctor, who has a list of every medication I take regularly, would certainly have said something if it was a problem, so maybe I shouldn't have bothered. But hey, more information can't hurt you, right?

Right?)

This single Google search has taught me a lot about how profit-seeking entities taking advantage of enshittification have made it extremely difficult and complicated to access basic health information.

The TOP RESULT (and of course the one Google showcased) was from some drug rehab program called "Alina Lodge," which said:

I ain't no city-slickin' doctor with no fancy degree, but that don't sound right to me. I am not taking New Jersey's Premier Residential Treatment & Detoxification Campus at their word here. It would seem to me that the amount of each drug you're taking would probably be a factor. Let's now look at the second result... also from a drug rehab program! This one is called Banyan Treatment Center in Florida.

This is much longer and written even more poorly than the first result! We have a straightforward "NO" despite the concession that doctors will in fact sometimes prescribe these drugs together... followed by a long list of the reasons why doing this will definitely kill you. "You" are presumed to be a person who is "abusing" prescription drugs here and thus acting irresponsibly. There is no accounting for the amount of the drug you are actually taking, and therefore no allowance for any situation outside of one where you are speedballing. Incidentally, I do think that people who are intentionally speedballing are probably less likely to google "adderall percocet interaction."

Anyway, the third result is Drugs.com, and here is what Drugs.com has to say about this.

Wow, that's a really different answer! And yes, it is the answer I am willing to trust, given that it is from a reputable source that aggregates trusted information rather than a for-profit rehab facility. (I don't know how much these places charge because there's no pricing info on their website; I can only think the answer is "a lot.")

If we continue scrolling, there's some irrelevant results and then, at number six, yet another rehab website warning us of the deadly nature of this combination. This one is from Desert Hope Treatment Center in Las Vegas.

This "article" is written better than the others and as you can see, it actually includes sources, something the other two rehab sites did not bother to do. The author is a clinical psychologist, although apparently not one that works at the Desert Hope clinic (she's based in New York) so I guess they are hiring out psychologists to write articles for their website for some reason.. which is just weird. Anyway, it lends this article a veneer of polish and authenticity (I mean, Alina Lodge gave no credentials for the author of their article, meanwhile Banyan's article was written by their fucking Director of Digital Marketing!!!) but make no mistake, it's still bullshit. I mean, it is a crazy statement. The accepted wisdom is that you should take drugs under the supervision of your doctor; this website is saying even that is dangerous! (There is no elaboration as to what this means exactly, it just moves to the next topic lol). So let's look at the citation: "Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2022, February 23). Polysubstance use facts." There's no link, so I can only assume they're talking about this little fact sheet from the CDC website. And what does that source say on the topic of prescription drugs?

Wow, that's not at all the same thing! That is a really shitty citation! Almost like these are not reputable sources of information, because they are ads. These are all ads, and I believe they are meant to make the reader feel like they have a drug problem, and the world is not safe for them, and they really need to go to expensive rehab right now. We'll come back to this later. It might be really obvious to you that these are ads, but they're dressed up to look like reputable medical sources (especially that last one), and a lot of people would not know the difference; particularly older people. This may be part of why every time I mention a medication to my mother, she tells me it's DANGEROUS.

Anyway, after another irrelevant result, at #8 we have GoodRx, which is a reputable source.

So exercise caution and look out for symptoms of serotonin syndrome, I got it! Finally some good fucking information. It turns out that I regularly take other medications that can cause serotonin syndrome too, so this is something I should be aware of anyway (although I think the risk is pretty low, or my doctors would have brought it up). As an aside, in the future I'll probably make use of things like the WebMD Drug interaction checker, where you can input any number of drugs and get a list of potential interactions in order of their seriousness. Of course, googling a potential interaction won't get you this tool or anything, because google sucks, as you know.

Back to our never-ending Google journey, I wanted to mention one more shitty result. "rehabcenter.net!" I hope you didn't think that my Google search was hampered by the lack of quotation marks, etc. That is the reason for some of the irrelevant results, which is why I later did a search with quotation marks around "percocet" and "adderall." With all the chaff removed, rehab center dot net shot up to #7 on the list! (Desert Hope also went up to #4, and GoodRx is simply GONE. Thanks, Google!) Now, you may be asking "what the hell is rehabcenter.net?" And I'm so glad you asked.

Rehabcenter.net is the property of Regard Healthcare, which owns several rehabilitation centers across the United States. Our dedicated team of treatment specialists will direct you or your loved one to these facilities if they believe it to be a good fit. All Regard Healthcare facilities uphold a quality of care rooted in accredited, evidence-based practices, and positive outcomes. (...) All the content found on Rehabcenter.net is originally created by a team of web developers, writers, researchers, marketers, and graphic designers. We pick topics of interest that are most valuable to our audience, and base them on search volume, relevance, and the latest research concerning addiction treatment. Content is fact-based and derived from credible sources such as medical journals, government agencies, and other relevant publications. (...)

GENERAL DISCLAIMER: RehabCenter.net is intended for educational purposes only and is not designed to provide medical advice of any kind. Any information found on RehabCenter.net should never be used to diagnose a disease or health problem, and in no way replaces or substitutes professional care. In the case of a suspected health problem, please contact your healthcare provider. The producers, contributors, sponsors, editors, and authors of RehabCenter.net have no responsibility or obligation to anyone (person or entity) for any harmful consequences that may happen, directly or indirectly, as a result of the content or information provided on RehabCenter.net.

This is somehow even slimier than anything previously seen here because rather than advertising for a single rehab facility, it's a fucking corporate entity. Despite all of these disclaimers, it is still very much pretending to give authoritative medical advice lol. The "article" that came up in our search has a little blue check indicating that it is "Trusted Content," and it was "medically reviewed" by a real(?) medical doctor! And what does it say about percocet and adderall, the two drugs that are currently battling it out in my bloodstream fighting to kill me?

It's very AI-generated, very DARE. And, to the point, none of this really applies to the people who I think are most likely to search for information about drug interactions, i.e. people who are using drugs for a medical/therapeutic reason. I also don't think any of this is actually helpful to "recreational" drug users or people with substance use disorders either. Because there is an obvious agenda behind these websites, it casts doubt on all of the information even if some of it is true. A harm reduction approach would actually help people who use drugs for any multitude of reasons, and potentially save lives, but this would mean presenting factual information in a non-judgmental manner, which is counter to the aims of these rehab websites, whose goal is to maximize their SEO and get people to pay for rehab. If someone is doing drugs while equipped with enough information to mitigate their risk of serious harm, then they're not in rehab, which is abstinence-only. So harm reduction is actually anathema to these people who are trying to profit off of addicts.

HELPFUL LINK ROUND-UP.

The National Harm Reduction Coalition's huge library of resources is great if you need or are interested in info for the safe use of illicit / non-medical / "recreational" drugs

WebMD drug interaction checker

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rpking99 · 11 months ago

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The Paul Problem

Hey guys. So we all know this dipshit. The asshole. The figure face behind all that is wrong with Spider-Man right now . Well, with the writer of the book leaving in September, I thought it was about time to look over the Paul situation and why it sucks.

Now I am not going to go into the storyline in chronilogical order. Nothing like that. I'm just going to be going over a few key facts/moments and talking about why they dont work.

So first things first... he has NO personality. Like... none. Blander than whtie bread. More generic than the most generic isekai protagonist. Next, he exists jsut to cause drama and to not have Peter and MJ together. So with all that nonsense out the way... lets get to the real topics.

When Peter and MJ where trapped in an alternate dimension and had a chance to escape, what did Paul do? Just push Peter through it. Peter and MJ could have left at the same time, heck they where GOING to, but instead he pushed Peter through to get him out of the way.

This act lead to the "answer" to a "question" that the book had been building up to, as this was part of a flashback arc. The "question" was "What did Spider-Man do to make everyone hate him" and the answer was.... "nothing. He was trapped in another dimension and his return trip destroyed a city, which he did not know would happen and he had no control over"

Peter and MJ had been dating when Peter went through the portal. He then made EVERYONE he knows and trusts mad as he beat up friends and stormed through everything and anyone. He saved Paul and MJ... and MJ reveals she has been with Paul for 6 months. And the two where now together. MJ was cheating on Peter for six months

And to make that even worse, MJ basically just tells Peter to "get over it" like an unfeeling bitch. Just "No, I am not leaving Paul despite our years together. How dare you do that Peter. Fuck you"

Let's go back for half a moment and remember, Paul KIDNAPPED MJ there. He kicked Peter through the portal and left MJ trapped/stranded there for SIX MONTHS alone with him

One defence the writer keeps giving to try and defend Paul in the book is that he is a "Good Man". Well... let's go over a few of his "nice acts", shall we?

He wanted to leave/abandon two children to die so he and MJ can just run away

He used these kids to trap MJ in a loveless marriage for months

These kids where not real and actually illusions/manifestations of his fathers powers

Commited at LEAST one genocide with/for his father and did not feel bad about it

Punched Peter in the face because Peter pointed out his crimes and said he wasn't a "good guy"

Oh yeah and let's not forget that Paul only "turned good" because MJ "saw the light", AKA he wanted to bang her and is a terrible person as well as a simp but the writter thinks he is the true "tragic hero" of it all.

Now we all know how much of a "wonderful person" Paul is. Don't we all feel so much better?

...

Just three more months. Just three more months.

#mun talks #nerd talks

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pavaal · 9 months ago

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masagoto mobamenco masterpost

because i'm going through an intense samurai flamenco resurgence, i decided to re-translate all of the masagoto conversations from the mobile game and put them in one post! most of them are basically the same as they once were, just reworded for clarity or flow, but there were a few that were outright incorrect that i will go back and edit into the original posts. eventually, i'd like to re-translate the ones between masayoshi and mari as well as between mari and goto, but i don't have the original text for those on hand!

i managed to find some voice clips from the mobile game as well, and while some of them are buried in my translation tag, some of them are new to me so maybe one day i'll post them too! for now, this is all i have the energy to do.

i've vaguely organized the conversations by topic, but all of them are special because it's masayoshi and goto talking to each other... big love.

TRAINING

Masayoshi: I've been doing really well lately! Goto: Be careful, you're the type of person to mess it up when you're at your peak. Masayoshi: Please don't be mean! Goto: But am I wrong? Masayoshi: …no, you're not…

Goto: Hey, it looks like I've gotten a little stronger. Masayoshi: Congratulations, Goto-san! How much more until you become the number one officer? Goto: That's not how the police force works!

Masayoshi: I'm really starting to see the results of my training. Goto: You're getting hit less? Masayoshi: I've become able to withstand Ishihara-san's punishment! Goto: Wait, there?!

Goto: I've been feeling pretty good lately. Masayoshi: That must be the results of your training! Goto: I haven't been doing any training, idiot!

Masayoshi: I've gotten a lot stronger! Goto: But you shouldn't try doing everything by yourself. You know you can rely on me, right?

Goto: You people are always going on about "training." Masayoshi: Training is essential for a hero! You train too, don't you, Goto-san? Goto: I do not. What I do is just plain hard work. Masayoshi: Hard work is also essential!

Masayoshi: I've gotten a lot stronger! Goto: Good for you. Seems like all that training is working for you. Masayoshi: Yes, but I'm not done yet!

Goto: All right, seems like I've gotten a little stronger. Masayoshi: Congratulations! I need to be careful not to fall behind. Goto: Aren't you way past me already? Masayoshi: Th—that's not true! I still have a lot of work to do!

CURRY

Masayoshi: Goto-san, you like pickled radish with your curry, don't you? Goto: Yeah. It just feels like they go together in my mind. Masayoshi: Then, what about rakkyou (pickled scallions)? Goto: I'd eat them if I had them, but I wouldn't go out of my way to make them.

Masayoshi: What do you usually eat during work? Goto: I usually just grab whatever I'm feeling like at the moment. Masayoshi: And what do you feel like eating now? Goto: …talking to you makes me crave curry…

Goto: So, why do we only ever eat curry? Masayoshi: Heroes mean curry, and curry means heroes! Goto: Okay, but I'm not really trying to be a hero or anything. Masayoshi: Goto-san, there's a hero inside of all of us. Goto: You're dropping that line now?

Goto: Even though we're always eating the same thing, I somehow never get tired of it. Masayoshi: That's because the taste of instant curry changes slightly depending on the manufacture date! Goto: What?! Masayoshi: Yes, it's always getting better! Goto: Wait, why are YOU proud of it?

Goto: Do you ever cook at home? Masayoshi: I'm a bit embarrassed to admit it, but I can't cook at all. Goto: So that's how it is. As for me, I can't really make anything but curry. Masayoshi: But that's amazing! Please cook for me sometime! Goto: Yeah, yeah, if I feel like it.

Goto: Where do you usually buy your curry? Masayoshi: Sometimes I buy it from the supermarket, but I usually order it online. Goto: So that's why you never run out. Masayoshi: I'm prepared to have curry at any time!

Goto: You really love curry, don't you? Masayoshi: Yes. Of course part of it is due to my love of heroes, but my grandfather also often made it for me when I was a kid. Goto: Oh, really… Masayoshi: Yes, so I suppose it's nostalgic for me.

Goto: What's your diet like? Masayoshi: Well, I eat curry at home, and at work I get something from the convenience store. Goto: That sounds pretty unhealthy. Masayoshi: Don't worry! Ishihara-san makes sure to keep me on track. Goto: Oh, well, that's fine then.

Goto: You're a model who loves curry. That's gotta be tough. Masayoshi: It's not too bad. Goto: But curry has a lot of calories, doesn't it? Masayoshi: Whenever I eat too much curry, Ishihara-san puts me on a special diet. Goto: …………what do you mean? Masayoshi: …um, let's just say it destroys your appetite for a while.

DAILY LIFE

Goto: What's wrong? You look down. Masayoshi: Yeah… things aren't going well for me. Goto: Look, I'll watch something with you, so cheer up. Masayoshi: At a time like this, the only solution is the Harakiri Sunshine movie! Goto: Where'd that energy come from?

Masayoshi: I'd like to go on a trip the next time we're both free. Goto: I think if I went somewhere with you, it'd be nothing but trouble. Masayoshi: But wouldn't that make a fun memory?

Masayoshi: What do you think I could do if I wasn't a model? Goto: I dunno, a cheerleader? Masayoshi: I don't think that's a career. Goto: Then a golf caddy? Masayoshi: In other words, I'm loud?

Goto: Your grandmother was a flamenco dancer, right? Masayoshi: Yes, so I believe that's where my grandfather got the "Flamenco" part from. Goto: Does that mean he's the "Samurai" part? Masayoshi: Of course not. But it does seem like "Hazama" is a samurai family name. Goto: Wow…

Masayoshi: Goto-san, would you like to watch a DVD? Maybe a Blu-Ray? Or how about a Laser Disc? Goto: Don't give me that housewifey 'would you like a meal? A bath? Or maybe…?' garbage!

Masayoshi: If I had to compare Goto-san to an animal… Goto: Do NOT say dog! Masayoshi: Do you have some history with dogs?

Goto: Now that I think of it, I lost a day off because of you. Masayoshi: Why are you suddenly bringing that up? Goto: Well, when I remembered it, I got pissed off. Masayoshi: Please remember my apology too and forgive me already!

Goto: So, what was your first impression of me? Masayoshi: Hmm… "he should stop smoking in non-smoking areas."

Masayoshi: What was your first impression of me? Goto: A naked pervert. Masayoshi: …please tell me what you thought after I properly introduced myself. Goto: A pain in the ass. Masayoshi: You thought of me that way…? Goto: What? That WAS my first impression.

Masayoshi: Omawari-san wa~ Goto: What's that song? Masayoshi: It's "Inu no Policeman!" Goto: What's with that title?! Masayoshi: I don't know, but Flamenco Diamond was singing it the other day. Goto: Ugh, I feel sick…

Goto: What would you do if you found 1 million yen? Masayoshi: I'd take it to the police station. Goto: Well, yeah, I guess you would… Masayoshi: Of course!

Goto: What would you do if you found 100 yen? Masayoshi: I'd take it to the police station. Goto: What, even though it's just 100 yen? Masayoshi: What if the person who lost that 100 yen desperately needed it back?!

Masayoshi: Goto-san, you're actually very strong, aren't you? Goto: What do you mean by "actually"? I'm a police officer, so I can do kendo and judo. Masayoshi: What kind of special attacks do you have? Goto: If we're going with that, wouldn't every officer have to know them?

Masayoshi: What do you want for your birthday, Goto-san? Goto: I dunno, a day off? Masayoshi: That's not much of a dream. Goto: Fine, then I want to live a peaceful life. Masayoshi: Let's make that dream a reality!

Goto: What do you want for your birthday? Masayoshi: When I was younger, I would have asked for hero merchandise, but now I want world peace! Goto: I can't do that. Masayoshi: That was a joke! But let's work on building peace together.

Masayoshi: Are you a good driver, Goto-san? Goto: As a police officer, I have to prioritize safety.

Masayoshi: Recently, my occupational disease has been flaring up… Goto: Occupational disease? From being a model? Masayoshi: When I get my picture taken, I can't help but strike a hero pose… Goto: Oh, that's what you meant? Masayoshi: It's very serious!

Goto: So how was it, being chased all over town? Masayoshi: I never expected such a thing to happen to me! Goto: Well, you did have a bounty on your head. Masayoshi: I was worried you were going to sell me out… Goto: As a police officer, that would have looked bad. Masayoshi: "As a police officer"?!

Masayoshi: The police are always taking care of me. Goto: Let's just hope we never have to "take care" of you in a different way.

Masayoshi: Goto-san, why did you choose to become a police officer? Goto: Well, you know… a few reasons. Masayoshi: Because you love justice? Goto: Don't lump me in with you.

Goto: So, I've been thinking, and aren't you the one who's causing trouble for everyone? Masayoshi: What is that supposed to mean? Goto: Well, I've been swamped at work since the moment I met you. Masayoshi: But maybe that just means I'VE had a lot to do since I met YOU! Goto: No, it started when you became Samurai Flamenco.

Masayoshi: Hmmm hm hm~ Hmm~ Goto: What are you doing? Masayoshi: I'm doing maintenance on my equipment! Goto: As hardworking as ever, huh?

Masayoshi: Hmmm hm hm~ Hmm~ Goto: What are you doing? Masayoshi: I'm sorting my collection! Goto: There's a ton of stuff here…

Masayoshi: Don't you see a lot of scenes in manga where people become friends after punching each other? Goto: I don't really get it myself. Masayoshi: If that's the case, shouldn't I have many more friends? Goto: In your case, you're just getting punched. Masayoshi: I suppose it's important to talk with our hearts before our fists… Goto: I think that's better for you.

Masayoshi: About how many texts do you send a day, Goto-san? Goto: Huh? Only when I've got some free time, so not that often. Masayoshi: But you're really fast about replying. Goto: I do have a habit of checking my messages, at least.

Masayoshi: Goto-san, that's not burnable garbage! That's non-burnable! Goto: Oh, oops. Thanks. Masayoshi: There's no need to thank me. Separating garbage can be difficult. Goto: You do your recyclables too? Masayoshi: Of course! Goto: Every household needs a person like you.

Goto: So, what do you do in your free time? Masayoshi: I work out or watch DVDs!

Masayoshi: Goto-san, what do you do in your free time? Goto: I usually just have a smoke or text my girlfriend.

Goto: Why don't we watch a movie once in a while? Masayoshi: Which would you prefer, Red Axe or Harakiri Sunshine? Goto: I said "movie." Masayoshi: I heard you, so which theatrical release would you prefer to watch? Goto: Why are my only options hero movies?!

Goto: Which is more important to you, modeling or Samurai Flamenco? Masayoshi: Both, but if I had to choose, it would have to be Samurai Flamenco. Goto: But no matter how hard Samurai Flamenco works, he doesn't get paid. Masayoshi: Being a hero isn't about money! It's the path I chose from childhood. Goto: I have to admit, your determination is impressive.

Goto: I get pissed off whenever I compare the size of our places. Masayoshi: Well, it's not really "mine." It's from the agency. Goto: It's still not fair. Masayoshi: Then, would you like to use half of it? Goto: I can use the whole thing since we're always together anyway. Masayoshi: That's quite selfish of you.

Goto: Why am I surrounded by freaks? Masayoshi: Birds of a feather flock together, as they say! Goto: Shut up! You're THE "bird"! Masayoshi: Then that makes us "together"! (This one needs a little explanation. "Birds of a feather" in Japanese is "類は友を呼ぶ," directly and awkwardly translated as "a [specific] type calls its friends." Goto accuses Masayoshi of being the textbook example of "a [specific] type" and Masayoshi returns by saying Goto is the textbook example of "[his] friend.")

Goto: Ever since I met you, it feels like it's been nothing but losing tickets. Masayoshi: Really? I feel like meeting you was like winning the lottery! Goto: …shut up, you stupid optimist. Masayoshi: I mean it!

HEROES

Masayoshi: I wish I could shoot beams too… Goto: Don't be a nuisance. Masayoshi: Get ready for my special attack! Flamenco Beam! Goto: Seems like something that would make your opponent start dancing…

Masayoshi: I wish I could shoot beams too… Goto: Don't be a nuisance. Masayoshi: Get ready for my special attack! Samurai Beam! Goto: You're like a foreigner who doesn't understand Japan at all.

Goto: Hey, just wondering, but is it really okay for a hero to be wandering around in the middle of the night? Masayoshi: W—Well, it's for the sake of peace. Goto: But the phrase is early to bed, early to rise, right? Masayoshi: That's more like health advice…

Goto: So, how do evil armies build their bases? Masayoshi: By forcing the citizens to work. Goto: Can regular citizens really build a base like that? Masayoshi: Then I guess they have to find some really talented construction workers… Goto: Sounds pretty tough…

Masayoshi: What kind of cybernetic surgery would you like to have, Goto-san? Goto: I don't want cybernetic surgery in the first place. Masayoshi: But it's a must for any hero…

Goto: So once the city is peaceful, will your work be done? Masayoshi: Here, yes, but there could always be evil lurking elsewhere in the world. Goto: What, so you're planning to go on a journey? Masayoshi: I don't know yet. I can't be sure of what I'll do until the time comes. Goto: Ishihara-san will get pissed at you. Masayoshi: I do get the feeling I'll never escape…

Goto: It's time to give up Samurai Flamenco. Masayoshi: Goto-san… Goto: …or else I'll have to get serious about chasing you down. Masayoshi: ……that absolutely sounded like a line from a show. Goto: ………….can you listen when people are talking?

Masayoshi: These days, it's standard practice for a hero to upgrade their costume as they get stronger. Goto: Huh, I guess so… interesting.

Masayoshi: My suit is cool, right? Goto: It's lame. Masayoshi: Um, I'll assume for the sake of argument that you mean "it's lame in a cool way." Goto: Not "it's cool in a lame way"? Masayoshi: That's just an insult.

Goto: So, are all heroes rich? Masayoshi: Of course not. Goto: But they have bases and weapons and stuff, right? Masayoshi: Well, yes, but that's due to the support of people around them… Goto: Isn't that a little too convenient? Masayoshi: It's just typical!

Goto: In the end, don't most fights get resolved through force? Masayoshi: Please don't be so blunt about it. It's just what happens after everything else has been exhausted. Goto: Isn't there some hero out there that can talk a monster down? Masayoshi: …some monsters don't have ears. Goto: Isn't THAT being blunt?

Goto: You haven't been able to give up on this hero thing for years, huh? Masayoshi: Yes, I've been preparing all this time. Goto: So why now? Masayoshi: Something in my body was screaming, "it's time!" Goto: You just felt like it?! Masayoshi: It was my heart of justice, crying out to be released!

Masayoshi: I wonder where heroes are supposed to park their motorcycles… Goto: In the parking lot, right? Masayoshi: That doesn't feel right. Goto: Okay, so then, the motorcycle runs on its own, and then it comes to the hero when it's called. Masayoshi: It's not a horse!

Goto: If you think about it, all those hero weapons and stuff are a violation of the Sword and Firearms Act, aren't they? Masayoshi: Well, yes… Goto: Which means you can't use swords or guns, okay? Masayoshi: It's okay! My weapons are stationery.

Masayoshi: Goto-san, isn't it about time you joined the team? Goto: Don't ask me like it's some casual thing. I'm not going to do it. Masayoshi: Goto-san, won't you join us in the fight against evil? Goto: Just because you made it serious doesn't mean I'm going to say yes!

Goto: The evil army doesn't attack while the heroes are transforming, huh. Masayoshi: Well, I think it's because they do it really quickly, or maybe they go out of reach… Goto: Huh. Being a hero sounds tough. Masayoshi: I think it's even harder for people who can't transform.

Goto: Why don't you get a motorcycle? Masayoshi: I did consider it, but there are various issues with parking and one-way streets… Goto: What a grounded problem to have. Masayoshi: Real life is different from fiction.

Masayoshi: Goto-san, let's have a strategy meeting! Goto: Oka—wait, don't try to trick me into saying yes to your freaky plans! Masayoshi: But what if it's just a little? Goto: Even a little is too much! I'll never get back out!

OTHER PEOPLE

Masayoshi: I had a terrible dream about Ishihara-san last night… Goto: What did you do? Masayoshi: I asked her to become Samurai Flamenco with me… Goto: Dream-you is kind of a reckless idiot, huh? Masayoshi: But you did it with me! Goto: What was I doing there?!

Goto: Is Ishihara-san really that scary? Masayoshi: Goto-san, have you ever had a woman dig her talons into your face? Goto: Ugh, nevermind, I get it…

Masayoshi: You know, Ishihara-san really likes cats. Goto: Really? I didn't expect that. Masayoshi: And if you add ~nyan to your sentences, she'll forgive you for anything! Goto: That one's definitely a lie! Masayoshi: I'm telling the truth!

Goto: Is MMM really that popular? Masayoshi: Yes, it seems like they have a truly enthusiastic fanbase. Goto: It's scary to think they don't know what Mari is really like. Masayoshi: Yes, I agree…

Masayoshi: Shishou is such a wonderful person! Goto: I think he's pretty fishy. Masayoshi: What do you mean?! He's the famous Kaname Jouji! Goto: Yeah, no, that's exactly why!

GIRLFRIEND

Masayoshi: Goto-san, do you ever fight with your girlfriend? Goto: Yeah, sometimes. We usually make up within the week, though. Masayoshi: "An occasional argument is the sign of a healthy relationship," right? Goto: Hmm… more like "we're so close that we're not afraid to go all out."

Masayoshi: Goto-san, what's your type? Goto: My girlfriend. Masayoshi: And what is your girlfriend like? Goto: Like I'd tell you! Masayoshi: Huh…?

Goto: Why do so many freaks like me? Masayoshi: That's not true. Goto: You're the freakiest of freaks, so you don't get to say anything. Masayoshi: Then, what about your girlfriend?! Goto: She just has a unique worldview! Masayoshi: (Isn't that what you call being a freak…?)

Masayoshi: Goto-san, if you had to choose between your work and your girlfriend, which would you choose? Goto: My girlfriend, duh. Masayoshi: No hesitation, huh? Goto: Of course not.

Masayoshi: You know, you can invite your girlfriend over any time. Goto: No way. I can't risk the flirting. Masayoshi: I would never flirt with your girlfriend, Goto-san! Goto: No, I mean her. Masayoshi: Your girlfriend would flirt with me?!

#samurai flamenco #samflam translations

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