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soulofapatrick · 2 years ago

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Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder - Gabriel Luna x Reader

Summary: Gabriel comes home from The Last of Us press tour and you two find yourself falling into bed immediately

Words: 2.3k

Warnings: smut (p in v); fingering; fluff

Notes: I’ve just had Gabriel brain rot from the picture on the right and had to write something

Y/N’s POV

I settle down on my couch, sinking into the me shaped spot I’ve created from gaming. My head hurts too much to play anything so I just huddle up in a blanket and switch to YouTube, wanting to find something to laugh at like Markiplier but a very familiar face pops up on my recommended. Gabriel Luna. My boyfriend, secret one albeit, and it’s his latest interview for The Last of Us that he messaged me a few days ago saying he had filmed and for me to look out for it.

Can’t deny I’m a little nervous when I click on the video and skip the add to see Gabriel’s pretty face pop up on my big screen TV. It makes me miss him even more, I have my own acting gigs but right now I’m in between jobs and Gabriel’s off doing the press tour for The Last of Us with Pedro and Bella so we’ve been apart for almost a month now.

As the interview starts I hear Gabriel’s voice and that southern drawl that I love so much, my heart swelling just hearing him speak and I can’t help but smile at the screen. He looks so handsome and confident, his stylist knowing exactly how to make him look good, his dark curls bouncing as he moves and that cream suit mixed with the black and floral button up? Oh my god, he is perfect. The interviewer is hanging on to his every word and as much as that makes me a little jealous, I also can’t really blame her.

When Gabriel talks about gaming he mentions me and I feel a rush of emotion. It’s not often he talks about our relationship in public as we both want to keep it private for a little while longer before we do tell everyone. He never uses my name, just calls me his girlfriend and even that has me blushing and squirming. I find myself nodding along as Gabriel talks about his love for The Last of Us games and his admiration for the fanbase. It’s so wonderful to see him passionate about his work and the projects he’s involved in, especially seeing him get to work with one of my best friends - Pedro Pascal. I was a little surprised when my two worlds collided in the best way, Pedro being one of the only few to know about mine and Gabriel’s relationship.

The interview is coming to an end when I hear keys in the door and I think my heart jumps with hope as only two people have keys. My best friend in the whole world - Barbara Palvin - and Gabriel. As I turn my head towards the door I think I cry as he’s standing there, the door falling shut behind him. There’s a wide smile on his face, his bags falling to the floor as he opens his arms for me and I waste no time throwing the blanket off, almost tripping on it in my hurry to get to Gabriel. His strong arms envelope me in a warm embrace and I can feel myself crying, burying my face in his chest and clinging to him. He’s smoothing down my hair and rocking me on the spot, whispering sweet nothings as he holds me tightly until I’ve calmed down enough for him to pull back slightly. His hands move to cup my face and he leans in to kiss me.

The kiss starts off gentle, as if Gabriel’s trying to memorise every inch of my lips, his hands moving to my air and the small of my back to pull me closer and deepen the kiss, his tongue seeking entrance. Our lips move in perfect sync, as if we’re communicating through the touch. The taste of him fills my senses and I feel myself melting into him, all the pent-up longing and frustration of being apart for a month pouring out of me. His hands move down to my waist, pull me flush against him, feeling the warmth and strength. He’s breaking the kiss with a playful grin and before I can ask what’s going on I’m being picked up easily and thrown over his shoulder with a shriek of surprise as he heads for the bedroom where he tosses me onto the bed.

I watch as he kicks of his travel trainers and throws his jacket on the floor before he’s climbing over me, wrapping his arms around me and burying his face in the crook of my neck, kissing the bare skin. I can feel his warm breath on my neck as he starts to pepper soft kisses along my collarbone, his hands roaming over my body, sending shivers down my spine when the calloused pads of his fingers find bare skin to trace across as if remembering me. The anticipation builds as he kisses his way up my neck, his lips meeting mine in a heated kiss. I can feel the desire and passion pouring out of Gabriel as his kiss deepens, his tongue eagerly exploring my mouth. His hands move to the hem of my shirt, pulling it up and over my head in one swift movement, revealing my bra-clad chest. He breaks the kiss just long enough to appreciate the sight before him before he’s leaning down to kiss my chest, his lips trailing hot and wet over the fabric of my bra.

I moan softly, arching my back as he continues his exploration, his hands deftly unhooking my bra and tossing it aside before he’s taking a nipple into his mouth, licking and sucking until it’s hard and sensitive. His hands roam over my body, teasing and caressing until I’m gasping for air and my body is on fire with need. With a wicked grin, Gabriel flips us over, hands gripping my hips and dark eyes trailing down my half bare body, tough darting out to wet his lips, “Fuck darlin’, I missed you s’much.” He murmurs, voice low and husky as he watches me rake my nails lightly down his chest under his shirt, drawing a low sound from him.

“Too many clothes baby.” I grumble, tugging at his shirt, gasping when he sits up and throws his shirt across the room in one smooth motion, arms coming back to wrap around me, “G-Gabe,” I’m groaning when he guides my hips down against his, feeling his arousal pressing deliciously against my clit with every roll of my hips. His lips are ghosting down my neck, drawing soft moans from me as he leaves a trail of red marks, his lips and teeth leaving a tingling sensation on my skin. His hands wander over my body, finding their way to my waist and pulling me closer to him. The sensation of his lips on my skin and his hands on my body is almost too much to handle, and I find myself arching my back and pressing myself closer to him. I can feel his breath on my neck as he whispers sweet nothings, and I can't help but shiver with pleasure. As he leaves one last hickey on my neck, he pulls back slightly to admire his handiwork with a satisfied grin. I can't help but laugh and playfully swat at him, feeling the happiness and love radiating from him.

Gabriel’s nimble fingers dip into the waistband of my sweatpants and he’s tugging until I slide off his lap, standing in front of him as he scoots to the edge of the bed. His lips find my hips, teeth grazing almost painfully as he pushes my sweatpants and panties down my thighs, allowing me to kick them aside and leaving me completely bare for him. His fingers ghost up the insides of my thighs, kneading the flesh and teasing me until I’m whining and gripping his chin to make him look up at me. The sight of him, sun-kissed skin flushed, russet eyes almost black and pupils blown wide with love and lust, lips wet and parted slightly as he meets my gaze, the starts of a knowing smirk curling at the corners of his lips, “Gabriel.” I choke out, walls clenching around nothing as I lean down to kiss him again.

His name falls from my lips again, this time breathier as those fantasy-inducing fingers slip through my arousal soaked folds, stopping to rub tight circles over my clit, my hands flying to his shoulders as he breaks the kiss to watch my reaction. Without warning, or teasing, he’s sheathing a thick finger inside me, drawing a surprised gasp from me, my eyes fluttering shut when his thumb goes back to circling my clit. A second finger soon joins the first, finding an almost abusing pace, fingers curling and hitting that spongy spot every time and my thighs are beginning to shake embarrassingly quickly but from the way Gabriel’s eyes are glued to where his fingers are disappearing inside me he’s proud. A grin on his kissable lips when my nails leave half-moons in his freckled shoulders and my body jerks forwards, my temple pressed against his so I’m moaning into his ear as a wave of ecstasy crashes over me, his other arm having to wrap around my waist to hold me up as his fingers don’t stop until I’m whining.

“Darlin’, you’re so pretty,” Gabriel coos, fingers slipping from me and he’s guiding me back down onto the bed, making sure there’s enough pillows under my head before he’s shimmying out of his jeans and boxers. My eyes drift down his body, swallowing thickly at the sight of him, all hot and bothered just for me, the dark curls that lead to his thick dick that is oozing precum. I’m parting my legs for him as he climbs over me, running the head through my slicked folds a few times before he pushes the head past, a low and guttural sound falling from those pretty pink lips as his hands find mine and press them to the bed, either side of my head. He slowly rocks his hips, slipping further with every thrust until he’s buried to the hilt, nose nudging my cheek until I turn my head towards him and he’s drawing me into a passionate kiss. The taste of him fills my senses, and I find myself lost in the moment, unable to think of anything else but him and the way he leaves me feeling so full and loved. I’m wrapping my legs around his hips and digging my heels into the small of his back, pushing him in even further than I thought possible, the tip brushing my cervix and a whimper is escaping my throat.

“G-Gabe please, fuck…” I’m begging and it doesn’t take much, his hips snapping against mine as he sets a slow but deep pace. The taste of coffee on his lips is sweet and intoxicating and adding to the heightened pleasure of him hitting that spongey spot each time. My back arching into every thrust, eyelids slipping shut as I’m consumed by everything Gabriel, hands sliding into his curls and gripping the back of his neck, feeling his muscles ripple and flutter with every movement. His body is pressed flush against mine, a light sheen of sweat coating our bodies, the coarse curls of his v-line catching my clit with every roll of his hips that has my thighs tightening around him. I can feel every bump and ridge against my walls with every pull out and his tip presses deliciously into that spongey spot every time he bottoms out. Low and guttural sounds rumble in his chest as our bodies shine with a thin layer of sweat, his curls sticking to his forehead, sun-kissed skin flushing as he makes love to me. His nose nuzzling my jaw and as he whispers sweet nothings, lips ghosting my neck, lips soft and breath hot. It’s hot and heavy, slow and sensual, and I can feel that coil in my stomach ready to snap.

My walls are fluttering around him as his hips begin to stutter, my name falling from his lips and he’s biting down on the sensitive skin of my jaw when he thrusts one more time, burying himself to the hilt again and staying there. I can feel him filling me up, his thumb finding my clit and rubbing circles into it until I’m crying out and throwing my head back into the pillows. My walls clamp down around him, milking him for every drop until he’s collapsing on top of me as we try to catch our breath. He’s humming softly as I begin to card a hand through his messy curls, having missed him so goddamn much.

He tries to move but I wrap my arms around him and keep my legs locked enough for him to get the hint, a low rumble of laughter in his chest as his kisses my collarbone and just shifts us so we’re laying on our sides. His hand cups my cheek, eyes fluttering open and still dark and warm as he meets my gaze, thumb brushing over my bottom lip lovingly as he whispers, “I’ve missed you so much sweetheart, let’s never be apart again.”

I’m nodding in agreement, pressing a kiss to his open palm before burying my face in the crook of his neck as my eyelids grow heavy with sleep. He’s wrapping his arms comfortingly around me and the last thing I hear is him chuckle as my response.

“Yes, let’s.”

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sinfulspencer · 4 years ago

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Home (part II of “Addicted to a losing game”).

Read “Addicted to a losing game” (part I). This is my Masterlist and read the notes at the end of this.

JOIN MY TAGLIST!

Prompt: Y/N comes home from her journey.

So many nights I thought it over Told myself I kind of liked her But there was something missing in her eyes

My dear Green Jell-O obsessed Spencie, Last night I spent the whole night tossing and turning in my bed because someone was having too much fun in the bedroom down the hallway of my Hotel. I'm happy for them because they are very attracted to each other, but come on! They were not the only one on the floor, so why couldn't they keep it down? Just a little? So, I slept through the whole morning instead of walking around the city, snapping pictures, buying souvenirs for you and Garcia, enjoying a good cornetto with Nutella and admiring italian hotties all around me. I'm not complaining, though: I'm feeling energetic, I'm excited for this new day and I'm already planning everything I'm going to do tonight. I bought a ticket for Romeo&Juliet a couple of days ago and tonight is going to be THE night: I'm going to wear a long dress, high heels and I'm going to do my make up as if I'm going to walk down a runway with Barbara Palvin. You should be here, we'd have so much fun and I'd be able to pretend to be a guide, show you every little detail about my hometown. You probably know more stuff about this city than me, but you'd be a good friend and you'd listen to me rant about everything because you love me. Right? I miss you so much, Spencer.

I know you'd rather see me and hear my voice, but I feel like this is helping me more than actually calling you and seeing you, face to face even through a phone. And just so you know, I miss your voice and your little face; I really do, I can't wait to be back to work with you, with Emily, with David, with everyone. Writing down what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling is definitely easier – and funnier, to be honest – than actually saying it out loud. It makes everything feel more real, more true, and it also made me realize that even though my feelings are slowly vanishing, the love and the affection I feel for you won't fade. You are still the most important person in my life, you are still my best friend and you are still my soulmate. What we had, what we have and what we will have in the future, will always have a special part in my heart because you were the first person that has made me feel loved – even if not in a romantic way. You, my friend, have shown me that I deserve kindness, happiness, love. And I know I'm difficult to deal with, I'm intense and sometimes too much to handle, but you've never ever left me alone. I did it with you and I still feel horrible for doing it, for leaving without allowing you to say anything but I appreciate the fact that you let me go. I know you were mad – and probably you still are right now – but I'll make it up to you, like I always have. I will bring you italian cookies, italian books, italian flowers, italian pasta (and I will cook you an original carbonara, not like Rossi's!). And most importantly, I will bring you myself back. I love you so much, don't ever forget that. Y/N x PS: if you are crying right now, don't feel bad 'cause I'm bawling my eyes out too

Spencer shakes his head at the last sentence, brushing the back of his hand against his wet cheek. This is the typical reaction he has to every single one of Y/N's letters. He has never thought he'd miss her this much, after all she's just a friend to him and she has been gone for a little less than a year, but there is something in her letters that is now making Spencer change his mind about his love for her, his affection, the way he has always seen her as nothing more than a friend. Spencer knows that it is weird, that maybe love has nothing to do with the way he's changing perspective over her, but still. There is something. “Hey Reid! What are you reading?” Spencer quickly folds the envelope, putting it in the drawer of his desk. “Y/N wrote to me again.” JJ closes her jacket, placing her bag over her chair. “How is she? Is she okay?” “She's in Verona right now, I think. She wrote this letter a week ago but I think she's still there. - says the young doctor, sniffling again – Are you going home for lunch?” His colleague nods, pointing to Emily's office. “Yes, Emily can't come to lunch with me so I'll go home. Do you want to join me? Or are you already busy?” Spencer shakes his head, leaning against his chair. “I'm fine, I'm not really hungry. I need to finish my paperwork for Emily's report and my notes for next week's seminar, anyway.” “So you're going to stay here all alone? - asks JJ, crossing her arms to her chest – Come on, Spence.” He looks up at her, ticking his finger against the cold surface of his desk. “I can concentrate and work better when I'm alone.”

She lets out a huge sigh, tilting her head. “Alright, suit yourself. Do you want me to bring you something to eat, at least? You can't work with an empty stomach.” The young doctor shakes his head again, smiling softly. “No, thank you. I'll get a coffee and some crackers down at the machine, don't worry. Tell Henry I said hi, okay? It's almost Halloween.” JJ giggles, grabbing her purse. “Oh yeah, he knows. He's excited for his new costume.” When Spencer is finally alone at the building, he checks behind him to see if someone is still lurking somewhere and then he pulls out a new piece of paper. He wants to write Y/N back, he has to say something to her about how he's feeling for the past few weeks. And he has to tell her that Maxine is not in his life anymore, hoping that this wouldn't ruin Y/N's emotional journey. Even though Spencer is slowly changing his mind about his best friend, he doesn't want to ruin everything between them; not when Y/N had to leave in order to pull herself back together, to feel better because of her growing feelings for him. The first day he spent without her at the building, Spencer was lost.

He couldn't focus on his papers, he couldn't focus on the case and he got yelled at, for the first time, by pretty much everyone on the team – beside JJ, because she knew he was going through a rough patch. He didn't think Y/N's absence would mess him up that bad, but it did; Maxine has always been nothing but supportive of him, comforting him when he needed a sweet word whispered to his ear, doing all of those things Y/N used to do for him when he was not having it. Spencer didn't think Maxine would understand his relationship with Y/N but she did, which helped him a lot when he was having one of those bad days.

Y/N was supposed to be there with him, cuddling him on the couch and reading him some poems in italian to calm him down, but she was on the other side of the world, trying to get herself back. And Spencer got really mad at her, like furious. He didn't even want to write back at her at first because he couldn't stop being angry and allowing his anger to take control; she left him, she left him all alone without allowing him to say anything to her. What she did, wasn't right. But then Spencer realized that she had to do this, she had to leave so she could come back later, feeling better, feeling like herself again. She had to put herself first, and eventually he understood that it was a good thing. But he couldn't stop missing her, crying softly at night while reading all of her letters. At the bottom of each paper was her signature with a little heart in black ink. Spencer imagined her, smiling softly with the pen between her fingers, drawing the heart and thinking of him, like he did when he was signing his letters with a star.

Those were their symbols: Y/N a heart, because she's italian and “us italians are passionate, love drives us” and Spencer a star, because “you, boy genius, are my star”. They have never had the chance to write each other a letter when she was in Quantico, working with him; they've never been apart from each other for more than a whole week, but now, with Y/N staying in Italy and Spencer in Virginia, they found a way to connect with each other without their phones. Spencer actually loved Y/N's idea. It might be too romantic but he loved it anyway. Maybe he loved it because it was and is romantic. Y/N has always told him that she's not romantic at all, but in reality, she is. He lifts the paper up to his chest, hugging it as he imagines hugging Y/N. He misses her so much, he wonders if she misses his hugs the way he misses hers. Because he does, terribly. Y/N has spent her birthday without him for the first time in years, but she managed to send him a letter a couple of days later. She told him she went to Florence for the occasion and she had the chance to visit the Uffizi Gallery – she even printed a picture of herself next to the David. Spencer framed the photograph and kept it on his nightstand, hiding it when Maxine spent the night at his place.

He wasn't sure his ex girlfriend would've wanted to wake up and see Y/N's face staring at her – mostly because Maxine didn't like Y/N very much, especially after what happened at Rossi's wedding. Spencer didn't have to tell Maxine the truth about Y/N because she figured it out on her own; she wasn't pissed because Spencer didn't do anything to lead Y/N on that day, but she was pissed because, well, Y/N was everywhere in his apartment. Spencer has pictures of them together all over his walls, inside of his books; he has her notes that she used to sneak to him during a case, just to tease him a little. He has all of the books she has bought him on a particular side of his bookshelf; he has her drawings – really horrible drawings that she gave him because they had a “Spencer vibes” to them. He kept everything and he didn't hide anything because they are part of him, just like Y/N is part of him. And his heart. So when he says her absence left a hole in his heart - “a part of me has left” - he actually means it. It's crazy, he knows that, but he doesn't care. It's the truth. Y/N was, is and will always be a part of his heart; she has played a major part in his life and he's not ashamed of that. Spencer folds the letter again and hides it in the drawer, sighing loudly. He leans back against the chair and crosses his arms to his chest, tapping his foot on the floor as he glances at the clock. It's already two in the afternoon and he hasn't done anything else but read the letter he received that morning. He picked it up before going to work and he hasn't stopped thinking about it ever since, just like he does every single time he grabs a letter and opens it. It's like his brain stops working when Y/N does something. Well. He's a genius, his brain is always working but it's less efficient when Y/N is around. It's like all of his attentions is on her, her thoughts, her writing, her little heart at the end of the page, her weird nicknames always different from each letter. She called him “doctor rolled-up sleeves”, “messy hair king Reid”, “one of the seven wonders of the world”, “cookie obsessed Spencer”, “ladybug Spencie”, “prince of books”, “boy Venus” and many other nicknames. He loved them even though they didn't make any sense.

Spencer doesn't have a nickname for her, it's either “darling” or “Y/N” or her full name. She liked the first word better, though, and had always asked Spencer to use it instead of her name. When Y/N told him the truth about her feelings at the wedding, he understood why she liked to be called “darling” by him. Because it felt good, she felt appreciated and she felt, for a split second, loved by him. It's crazy, isn't it? Everything can change in the blink of an eye. If he didn't share her feelings at first, he does now. And he realized it when he lost – lost is not the right word, though – her. He realized how much she meant to him when she had to find herself on the other side of the world, away from him, his words, his face, his eyes, his voice, his hugs, his rants about science and technology or books. Spencer stands up from his chair and walks towards the vending machine at the end of the hallway, running his fingers through his hair as he glances at the clock again. He is so tired, he wants to go home and spend the rest of the day napping on the couch, trying to keep his mind from thinking about Y/N and how to answer her letter. Just like last time, he wants to tell her the truth, that he's reconsidering their friendship and that he's starting to see her as something more than a best friend. But what would she think about him if he does through a letter? It might be romantic, it might be extremely cheesy but she'd get mad. Oh, she'd hate him if he tells her the truth. She quit her job and left America to stop her feelings for him from growing. And what does he do? He falls in love with her – one of the reasons why he broke up with Maxine. As much as that woman was amazing and did everything she could to keep Spencer beside her, he didn't think they were meant to be together. But he thinks that about himself and Y/N. They are friends, they are best friends, they are colleagues and they know everything about each other. They know how they think, they know what to buy the other for Christmas, they know when it's time to meet up for a coffee after work or going out for dinner together when the other needs to rant about something. They know each other like the back of their hands. With Maxine, everything was different. Sure, Spencer liked her a lot. He thought he was in love with her, but there was something missing in Maxine that Y/N had. Maybe it was a light in her eyes, maybe it was a word that Maxine didn't say, maybe it was just the fact that the bond between Y/N and Spencer was and still is so strong that it will never break. Not even if one of them does something so horrible and so atrocious to do the other or in general. Liking and loving someone are two different things. They may seem the same but they're not. Liking someone is a milder feeling; love, however, is a deeper emotion, all about acceptance, passion, interest, the exact bond that connects Spencer and Y/N. He liked Maxine, but he didn't love her. Liking someone can be instant attraction like a crush. Love is deeper, more meaningful and long-lasting; love might be a friendship, just like what Spencer has with Y/N. If he thinks about a life without Maxine, his heart doesn't skip a beat; he knows he can go on without her, but he cannot live without Y/N. He thinks about her daily, he reads her letters every single morning before going to work and sometimes he brings those letters with him during a case so, if everything gets too overwhelming, he can read those words and calm down at the thought of her, of Y/N being happy and finally calm. The idea of Y/N smiling, drinking a coffee right in front of the Coliseum, walking in a field of sunflowers with a light blue dress on, dancing with him, makes him happy. His heart skips a beat just at the thought. Now he knows. The time came quickly and Spencer realized that he's not in love with Maxine, no. He loves Y/N. He liked Maxine because she's a “normal person”. She has a cool sense of humor and a nice face, but Y/N is on a whole different level. He loves how indecisive she is, he loves how cold and distant she gets when a case hits too close to home, he loves how she laughs when Spencer tells a joke and nobody gets it just to make him happy, he loves when she trips down the stairs and comes back up with her cheeks red as a tomato, he loves when she asks him to go shopping and complains about him not caring about the top she choose to buy or a dress she wants to wear for one of the team's night out. He liked Maxine because he was excited to hang out with her. He loves Y/N because the idea of being with her makes him smile; and when they actually hung out, he smiled the whole time. But what made Spencer realize that his feelings were not light, was the fact that he didn't fall in love with Y/N in the blink of an eye. It happened slowly, when he understood that he didn't simply admire Y/N for being the strong woman that she is; no, he loved her flaws, he loved her anger, he loved her calm, he loved the fact that cases with teen moms being kidnapped or hurt always bring tears in her eyes, he loved that Y/N wasn't afraid of showing her emotions to the others, he loved that sometimes she'd be too harsh on Garcia and, after realizing that, she would cry and bring her coffee for a whole week. He loves the fact that she has flaws and she's able to say she's sorry. He loves her as an individual, a person with her faults and her emotions and her love and her optimism. When Spencer broke up with Maxine, he expected to be hurt or upset. But after a few days, everything turned normal; his attraction for her faded, his interest faded. Sure, they're still friends and he likes hanging out with her, but it's nothing compared to what he feels for Y/N. Even though she's on the other side of the world, he misses her like crazy and he thinks about her all the time; he yearns for her. “Absence makes the heart fonder.”

Y/N broke his heart when she left but he learned to forgive her because she did it to feel better, to forget her feelings for him – which is now something he doesn't want to happen, and hope it didn't happen, as egotistical as it sounds. He felt like a thousand needles pricked his heart when she didn't show up for work, even though he wasn't surprised. It still hurt like Hell. Spencer talked to his therapist about everything that has happened in the past few months with Y/N and Maxine, trying to sort out his feelings for each one of those women. And she told him: “Look deep inside your heart. There's nothing wrong with liking someone and not loving them. But loving someone will leave you breathless; the person you long and live for leaves you breathless at the thought of them. After all, love is the most powerful feeling in the world, soon followed by pain.” So yes, Spencer is totally in love with Y/N. Love is where Spencer stopped seeing Y/N as a separate entity but her as a part of himself; and when he started to see her like this, he realized that he had never meant to hurt her. Because hurting her, meant hurting himself – and even though he hurt her by finding himself a girlfriend, he didn't do it on purpose. He would never hurt Y/N, how can he do that? Love is where there is trust between the two parts, there are no secrets. That's why Y/N came clean to him, even in the middle of a wedding, just to feel better and allow him to understand her actions. Spencer is not with Y/N right now, but he feels her close as ever because he's connected to her. She knows she's in his heart, and he knows that he's in there too; she has a part of him, just like he owns a part of her. The love he's feeling for Y/N is not temporary and he knows it, he's sure of it. It's permanent because she will always be a part of his heart. Not everyone is lucky enough to find true love or the love of their lives, but he did and he feels extremely lucky, the luckiest person on the Planet. But what if she doesn't feel the same anymore? No. If Y/N is in love with him, her feelings haven't vanished; there's no way love can disappear in such a short amount of time. Her feelings are probably just hidden in her heart, just like his were hidden in the back of his brain for his own sake. What if he realized he was in love with her before? They could've been happy for all this time, they could even be married right now – but discussions over love, over feelings are a learning experience. They are all helping him knowing what he deserves in love, in relationships and friendships. And now Spencer knows the person he wants; she has a name and it's Y/N. Spencer takes a sip of his coffee, the warmth of the liquid sliding down his throat. He lets out a soft sigh and walks back to his desk, his eyes low on the floor as she plays with the edge of his cup and taps his fingers on his cup, biting his bottom lip. He doesn't want to think about Y/N any longer because he has a report to write down, but he can't. And he's not going to be able to focus on it any longer, because all he cares about now is the woman, probably enjoying a pizza for lunch, in Italy. Spencer lets out a sigh, playing with the edge of his cup, and drinks the last drop of his coffee. Y/N went away to stop being in love with him. And what does he do? He falls in love with her! Isn't it so fucking ironic? What if she comes back with no feelings for him whatsoever and maybe with a boyfriend? He's going to feel so patheticly dumb. No surprise there, though. She has felt this way for three weeks when he found himself a girlfriend, so he shouldn't really complain. But no, Y/N would've told him if she had met someone. Spencer throws his empty coffee cup in the bin underneath his desk, opening the drawer to pull out her letter once again. And reads it all over again, biting his bottom lip as she uses those sweet little words that make his heart swell in his chest, beat a little too fast. “You are still my soulmate”. Spencer remembers when she said those words to him for the first time. She was so embarrassed because they came out at random, while he was reading her a poem in italian – just to show off his pronunciation even though it wasn't that good – and she just said that. He remembers Spencer stopped his reading, looked at her and widened his eyes because he wasn't expecting anything to leave her mouth. He didn't mind, he was actually amused by that hidden revelation. Y/N corrected herself: “You're my literature soulmate, not an actual soulmate. We're not together, we're friends but you're my literature soulmate. Like Oscar Wilde and Alfred Douglas, even though they were a very toxic couple and Alfred only used Oscar to be famous. But still. You know.” After Y/N finished her rant about how embarrassed she was and how those words came out wrong, Spencer said it back: “I agree, we're literature soulmates”. They kept calling each other that, he even has her saved like this in his contacts on his phone. Whenever Y/N calls him, “soulmate” appears on his phone – even though he changed it when he was with Maxine. But now the nickname is back. And it's not going anywhere. The sound of heels clicking on the floor capture Spencer's attention so he lifts his head. But when he does, his heart stops and his mouth falls open. “Oh, is it hot in here or is it just because I'm seeing my star wearing glasses?” He must be dreaming. He's having hallucinations right now because it's not possible this is happening. This is not real, this is completely utterly crazy because how in the world is it possible?

Spencer stands up from his spinning chair, taking off his glasses. JJ is standing right there with another woman by her side. A woman he knows really well, a woman who has been by his side for a very long time and that is now owning his heart. A woman that has just come home. “Hey, are you ignoring me?” He opens his mouth, not really knowing what to say or what to do. This feels like a lucid dream, an hallucination, something that is not real because it doesn't feel real at all. But then reality hits because she's in front of him, her eyes are fixed on his face, her little smile is creeping up on her lips and she is just so fucking beautiful. She has always been beautiful, but right now she's even more. “Y/N.”

She opens her arms, giggling softly. “That's my name, I see you still remember it.” And before she can say something else, Spencer leaves his glasses on his desk and runs to her. “When I'm back, will you run to me?” “Of course I will.” And he kept his promise, running towards the beautiful woman that is grinning and opening her arms back to him, waiting for him to catch her. He lifts her up as he pulls her into such a tight hug that leaves both of them breathless, allowing himself to smell her scent, enjoying the warmth of her body and the delicate fingers caressing the back of his neck. How in the world did he not expect her to be back so soon? “You came back.” Y/N doesn't pull away, her head laying on his chest. “Of course I did. I made you a promise, didn't I?” Spencer holds her still, a hand over her back and the other behind her head. “JJ, you didn't go home to have lunch with your kids, did you?” JJ shakes her head, a smile appearing on her lips. “No, I didn't. I went to pick up this pretty woman right here so she could surprise all of us, but... you're the only one here. I thought Matthew, Gracia and Luke were going to be back before me.” Y/N doesn't move from where she is, brushing the tip of her nose against Spencer's neck, and closes her eyes to actually feel the moment. She wants to listen to what JJ is saying but all she cares about right now is being with Spencer, having his arms tightly wrapped around her body again. She has missed this more than she could explain it, she has missed being in his arms and feeling his body pressed on hers. She has missed him, she has missed Spencer more than anyone. And coming back, hugging him, feels like two pieces of puzzle finding their way to each other. It's cheesy but it's the reality of things. “Y/N, you can let him go now.” JJ whispers Y/N pulls away for a second, then she shakes her head and hugs him again. “No, I don't want to do that. You can leave if you want, though. I'm planning on hugging him for a long time.” JJ giggles, shaking her head as she starts to walk away. Spencer is not complaining, he has missed Y/N as much as he did, and leans her head on top of hers. He gives her a kiss on her forehead and closes his eyes, slowly rocking back and forth. This feels like a dream. Y/N is back in Quantico and she's right there in front of him, between his arms. She's not in Italy, she's not writing a letter and she's not in one of the pictures she sent him; no, she's right there and he's hugging her because she came back home. She came back to him, just like she promised. He hasn't lost her, she's still there. And she hasn't changed, she's still the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She's back. She's back for him and she's not leaving again. “Did you start working out, Spencie?” asks Y/N Spencer raises an eyebrow, interrupting the hug. “Me? Uh, a little bit. Why?” “It's hot, you look wonderful. - says the young woman, winking at him – So, are you going to let me stay at your place for a few days? My house is a mess and I don't want to spend a whole week cleaning and organizing stuff.”

He quickly nods, his hand sliding down to grab hers. “Yes, of course. But only if you cook the amazing carbonara you've had in Rome for dinner. I'm in the mood for some italian food.” Y/N giggles, her fingers intertwining with his. “Hm, I think we have a deal.”

Spencer closes the door behind his back with a loud thud, smiling softly when Y/N puts her bags on the couch and stretches her arms. She's wearing his FBI sweater with “REID” printed in white in the background, and she looks so pretty and cozy and comfortable; as if that sweater was meant to be on her shoulders, hugging her body. Spencer didn't think someone would still look beautiful after a 12 hour flight in the middle of the night, but she manages to look flawless and relaxed. He loves her so much, his heart could burst just at the sight of her face. And as he's thinking about her, Y/N turns around and gives him one of those breathtaking smiles that make his heart swell in his chest. There's pure love in her eyes and Spencer can't believe she's giving him all of that. “What? Why are you smiling, Spencie?” asks Y/N He shrugs, biting his bottom lip as he stops smiling. “Sorry, I'm just... very happy to see you. I received your letter today, I wanted to write you back but you surprised me and came back. Why didn't you tell me? I could've picked you up from the airport, I wouldn't have minded.” She puts both her hands on his chest, grasping his shirt. “I wanted to surprise you and I did.” The young doctor presses a kiss on her forehead. “You definitely did, so I won't complain because I got your letter, I'm going to eat some italian food tonight and I got you back. This is exactly what I've wanted.” Y/N giggles, leaning forward to kiss his cheek. “So, Reid, tell me about your life without me here. Did something exciting happen? Are you going to get married soon?” Spencer doesn't pull away from her, leading the woman towards his kitchen without leaving her side. As much as he wants to tell her about his work-out, the new book he just started reading, the music he started recently listening to, he has a very particular news to deliver and he doesn't know how she will react to it. What if she gets mad? No, she wouldn't; why would she? Isn't this what she wanted before she left? But now Y/N is back and she seemed completely different, she's less angry.

But still... Are her feelings still there? Spencer opens the fridge, allowing Y/N to grab a water bottle so she can take a sip of water, and waits for her to drink it before pulling her against his chest. Y/N doesn't move, her eyes closing when his right hand reaches her hair. “I broke up with Max three months ago.” Y/N immediately backs away, her eyes now widen open. “What? Why?” He shrugs, lowering his eyes for a moment. “It doesn't matter. We're still good friends, though; we hang out at least once a week and we're.. yeah, we're cool. There are no hard feelings between us, which is awesome.” “Oh. You don't seem phased by the break up. - she mutters, taking another sip of water – So I'm glad you're not upset or sad, I'm happy if you're happy.” Spencer looks up at her, not knowing what to say. Does he need to come clean now? Does he need to tell her the truth about their breakup and that Spencer decided to call off his and Maxine's relationship because he realized that Y/N is the person he wants by his side? Does he have to drop the bomb like this or does he need to wait a little more, allowing her to tell him if her long journey had helped her get over him? Spencer doesn't want to ruin everything. She just came back, she's right there with him and she's going to spend the whole weekend in his apartment because she doesn't want to go home yet, so he has to be careful. Y/N loves him a lot but Spencer also knows her very well, and if she gets mad, she'll make sure to give him Hell later. “I'm not upset, I'm relieved. We rushed things, she wanted to move in with me and I wasn't... I wasn't ready to take that step, you know? Not with her. - says Spencer, slowly shrugging – She's an amazing girl, I wish her all the best in life but she's not the one that I want.” Y/N doesn't say anything, she simply nods and gives him a smile. Spencer would love for her to say something else, to ask who is the person he wants right now but she doesn't, which forces him to add something to his explanation. “We're still friends, though.” Y/N looks back at him. “That's good. Did you break up with her?” No, Maxine did.

Maxine broke up with me because she couldn't stop noticing how Y/N was everywhere in Spencer's apartment and in his head. Maxine wasn't jealous, she was just confused as to why her now-ex boyfriend would keep talking about his best friend that left him to go to Italy and confessed her feelings for him at a wedding. Maxine didn't mind Spencer telling her where Y/N was, but it crossed the line when Spencer, one night while they were having sex, called with the wrong name. In that exact moment, Maxine knew she wasn't the woman in Spencer's mind. And she has never been – or maybe she was at the beginning. So, she broke up with him. It was rather quick. “I think we should break up.” said Maxine, looking Spencer in the eyes. He didn't reject the thought, he actually smiled and immediately felt like shit when Maxine started to cry right in front of him. He literally smiled because she broke up with him, because she let him go. Of course, he apologized and made sure she'd accept his apologies; he brought her flowers and showed that, even though they were not a couple anymore, they could still be friends. After all, they had a lot of fun together so why not still be friends? Maxine accepted and they remained friends, which eventually led her to ask Spencer if he felt something for Y/N. Maxine was the first – and only – person to know about Spencer's feelings. The day she asked that question, Maxine and Spencer were enjoying an ice cream at the little coffee shop not too far from her apartment. Spencer stopped eating for a few seconds and then, lowering his eyes, he muttered a simple “I think I love her”. They started talking about it, Maxine helped him realize that yes, he was indeed in love with Y/N. She didn't get mad at him, she didn't yell or scream or cause a scene in front of everybody inside the coffee shop because she was already aware of the answer Spencer would've given her.

Telling everything to Maxine felt extremely liberating, as if a weight had been lifted off his chest, but then it came back, heavier than before. Now Spencer feels like he's stuck. He has two choices: telling everything to Y/N and hoping she still has feelings for him, or telling everything to her and losing her because she stopped loving him. “No, she broke up with me. - says Spencer, biting his bottom lip – We just... Our relationship wasn't working and we didn't think we'd last so we broke up before one of us could hurt the other. It was mutual, it was quick and luckily painless.” For him. For Maxine... well, she liked Spencer a lot so it hurt a bit but she got over it quickly. “Alright, Lover Boy. Anyone has captured your interest, then?” asks Y/N Spencer blushes, lowering his eyes as he stares at their hands tied together. “Why?” She raises an eyebrow, shrugging. “I've been away for eleven months, I want to know what happened while I was in Italy. If you don't want to answer, just say that and I'll ask something else. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.” He widens his eyes, quickly shaking his head. “You didn't! I swear, you didn't. It's complicated.” Y/N tilts her head, letting his hand go. “Oh, I love complicated things. Tell me all about it.” Spencer simply stares at her, undecided on what to do. He doesn't want to drop the bomb yet, he doesn't want to risk losing her again now that she came back but if he keeps his mouth shut, he will never know how she really feels about him. Maybe he can ask her directly about it without spilling his secret right now, maybe finding a way to let her subtly now that he's falling – well, he's already fallen hard, head over heels actually – for her ever since she left. Spencer knows it's now or never, it's the perfect moment to actually talk about her journey. “Did it help?” Y/N raises an eyebrow, taking off his sweater off her shoulders. “What?” Spencer follows her inside the living room. “Your journey. Did it help?” She opens her mouth to say something, her smile fading off her lips. “Do you want to know if I'm still in love with you?” He feels like a complete idiot right now. She's looking at him with that weird expression on her face, her lips are pursed and her arms are crossed on her chest. But she looks so fucking beautiful, like an angel sent from Heaven. How is it possible? She looks gorgeous but she's getting mad at the same time. There's supposed to be a rule that prevents Y/N from being so stunning, because it's really hurting Spencer's heart. “You can just ask it, you know. There's no need to tiptoe around it, I know you want to know how I'm feeling right now. - says Y/N, taking off her shoes – I don't want to talk about it yet, to be honest. Can we just, well, wait for a few more days?” Spencer blinks, his heart feeling less heavier than before. “Of course. Sure. I'm sorry.” Y/N gives him a little smile, tilting her head. “Come on, let's watch a movie or something. I need some cuddles, your cuddles.” He's more than happy to obey to her words, quickly taking off his sweater. He kicks his shoes off his feet, leaving them next to the couch, and he turns off the lights as Y/N settles on the couch in the middle of the living room. Her eyes notice her selfie printed on the desk beside the bookshelf but she doesn't say anything; her heart does, though. Did Spencer really print her picture? Y/N is not surprised, he must have also kept all of her letters. She knows him very well, she knows how much he cares about her. She's his best friend, after all. Spencer joins her on the couch, grabbing the blanket and using it to cover both of them. Y/N sneaks between his arms, her head pressed against his chest as he lays down on the couch. She's between his legs, a hand under her cheek and the other one on Spencer's chest; she caresses it ever so slowly, her fingers playing with the hem of the shirt as Spencer leaves a kiss on her forehead. He turns on the television, clicking on the Netflix on - “Come on! You have to get Netflix! There are so many interesting documentaries about Ted Bundy and the italian Mafia, you have to watch them with me!” - and gives Y/N the remote. He doesn't really care about whatever they're going to watch, because all it matters to him right now is that the young woman is at home, laying against him. She's so close, he can smell the soft scent of her hair and the coconut shampoo she must've used to wash it. It's her favourite, Spencer bought it for her the first year they joined the BAU. It was exactly what Y/N was hoping she'd receive from someone. She has always loved coconut scented products and Spencer decided to buy one for her. He didn't think she would keep on using it.

Now it has become his favourite smell. And his favourite shampoo, because when he was sleeping at Y/N's apartment, he would use it all the time. And then complaining because Y/N told him to not waste it. He has a lot of hair, he had to use a decent amount of shampoo for his curls. As soon as the film she chose starts, the remake of Grease called Grease 2, Y/N closes her eyes and allows herself to enjoy the warmth of his body pressing on hers. Spencer's fingers are playing with her hair, his lips are gently pressed over her forehead and his heart is beating along with hers, slowly. She doesn't even watch the film because all she cares about right now is that Spencer is right there, he allowed her to be in his apartment and they're going to spend the night together, cuddling and watching something on the TV. They need to make up for all the time they've lost while she was away and this seems like a very good start. There's one thing that bothers Y/N, though. His question. That's why she didn't answer him. Because she doesn't want to. When she left Quantico, she spent the whole flight from Quantico to Rome crying and wondering how she was going to move on all alone. She regretted her decision to leave America when she stepped down the plane, but a couple of days later she felt like she was at home – even though she was all alone and didn't call anyone to rant about it. Those eleven months in solitary from all of her friends – not from those italian hotties, though! - helped her understand that if life doesn't go your way, it's not the end of the world. She thought her feelings would go away in the blink of an eye. Not seeing and talking to Spencer was rough, it was difficult at first because she couldn't stop looking at her phone and wondering what he would do if she had called him, but then she stopped thinking about it. Y/N threw her phone in the pocket of her luggage and forgot about it, moving on with her life. Not with her heart, though. So yes, she is still in love with Spencer. Of course she is. True love doesn't die, true love doesn't disappear. True love exists, it hurts, it breaks your heart but it also makes you stronger. It helps you find yourself, especially if it's not shared by the object of your love, and that's exactly what it did to her. Y/N is in love with Spencer and she will always be in love with him. But loving him unconditionally will do for her, because one day she will find another person to spend her life with. Spencer will always be a part of her life, of her heart, but her heart will be shared with another person. So, all Y/N has done for eleven months, was hiding her feelings and enjoying life. She had breakfast in front of the Coliseum, she learned more about the Gothic architecture in Italy, she learned how to knead different kind of pasta, she managed to meet new people and have fun with them, she saw Romeo&Juliet, she got drunk with some girls she met in Riccione at a beach party, she went to Palermo and took pictures in front of the red theatre. She has done so many beautiful things that will always be inside of her heart as memories. She felt like home, but nothing feels better than being with him. Y/N opens her eyes and looks up at Spencer, noticing that he's staring at her. Probably because she kicked his right leg while shifting on the couch, so now his nose is brushing against hers and his lips are curved into a soft smile. “Sorry, I didn't mean to...” Spencer shuts her up with a kiss on the tip of her nose. “It's fine.” Y/N blushes, leaning again on his chest with her eyes on the TV screen. She doesn't care about Grease 2 but she has to pretend she does, while enjoying the tight embrace Spencer is wrapping her in. “I've missed this.”

Y/N smiles at the sound of his voice. “I've missed this, too.” Spencer slides his hand down her shoulders. “Promise me you're not going to leave me again.” She puts a hand on top of his, moving it to her mouth so she can kiss it. “I won't leave you again, I promise you that, Spencie. I swear it on my soul.” And without any other words, they keep watching the film in silence. Both of them want the same exact thing. They want the other one to stop the film playing on the TV, turn to them and kiss them to the point they consume each other's lips. But both of them are too shy, too oblivious, too scared to lose the other so they stay in silence. Spencer enjoys the sight of Y/N totally splayed on his body; Y/N enjoys the slow beating of his heart against her ear and the way his fingers are dancing over her naked shoulder. If someone could see them right now, they would call this moment “love”. It can be seen in both of their eyes, in their movements, in the way they're tightly grasping at each other. Their legs are tangled together, her head is pressed on his chest and her lips are caressing his soft skin barely covered by the shirt; his fingers are playing with her hair and his mouth is pressed on her head. There's no friendship at this moment. No, there's only love. As cheesy as it sounds, they look like a couple who just got married. They're inside a little love bubble, terrified that with a single movement they can destroy it. One of them just needs a little push over the edge to create a domino effect that reflects on both of them, pulling them finally together after all these months of silence and love letters. “You said your feelings are vanishing.” Oh. Well. She lied. Y/N bites her bottom lip, using the remote to put the movie on pause. She lifts her body up so that she can face Spencer, not moving from between his legs, and leaves the remote on the small table in front of the couch. Then, Y/N puts a hand over his chest and lets out a soft sigh. “Do you believe those words?” The silence is filling the room, a loud silence that makes her cringe. Why can't he just say something instead of thinking it? What is going to come out of his mouth? What is he thinking about her now? What if he's getting mad because she left for eleven months and came back with basically nothing changed in her? What if... “I don't want to believe those words. - says Spencer, interrupting the silence – Also, I don't think you can fall out of love with someone. You can focus on their negative traits, you can distract yourself and you can accept the emotions that come with the heartbreak but you can never fall out of love. That's it.” Y/N bites her bottom lips again, sighing softly. “You're right.” He stares at her, trying to figure out what to say. Those little words are on the tip of his tongue, ready to slip out at any second, but he doesn't want to scare her. And he doesn't want to fight with her, because it's too early. She just arrived, he doesn't need to push her away for something he realized after almost losing her. “Say it.” Y/N inhales sharply, her heart now feeling heavier. He wants her to say that she's in love with him, he wants to hear those words loud and clear while they're looking at each other. But why? Why is he so pushy? Why does he want to know the truth? Is it necessary? “I am still in love with you.” Spencer tilts his head, lowering his eyes for a moment. She's still in love with him, her journey didn't really help so why didn't she come home sooner? Maybe she was hoping more time would actually help her forget him, maybe she just wanted to be away from him for as long as she could before the nostalgia started to settle in. “I remember reading an article about love. This psychologist said: “Love is where there is no you and me, where an us exists. Love is when I don't see you as a separate entity from me, love is when you and me are the same for me as me. Love is where my happiness and your happiness, my success and your success, my sadness and your sadness, my failure and your failure, my family and your family does not exist. Everything is ours.” Y/N's heart is beating so loud in her chest, she thinks Spencer could hear it too. What is he trying to say to her? What is he doing? Why is he saying those things? What is happening? “Love is where I want to make you better for not me, but for your own self. Love is where I focus more on giving rather than focusing more on receiving. Love is where I can be my own source of happiness. Love is where I stop seeing you as you, and start seeing you as a part of me because I can hurt you, but not me, and if I will start seeing you as a part of me, I would try to never do anything which will hurt you.” - says Spencer, his eyes focusing on hers as Y/N shifts between his legs – And I know you went away to stop feeling something for me, but that's when I realized that I felt something for you. It wasn't pity, it wasn't something that I felt because I hurt you. I realized that I am in...” She puts a hand on his mouth to prevent him from talking. “Don't you dare. Don't even think about it, Spencer Reid, or I swear to God I'll scream.” Spencer rolls his eyes, placing a kiss on the palm of her hand. He knows this is cliché, that he fell for his best friend that went away because of her feelings for him, but it happened and he can't take it back now. He can't stop his feelings, even if he wants to. “You are unbelievable. You really are! - says Y/N, shaking her head as she pulls away her hands from his face – If you say you're in love with me now, I'm going to chop off your dick.” Spencer widens his eyes, his hands immediately going on his crotch. “I won't say it.” She frowns. “You are in love with me.” He blinks, not moving his hands away. “I can't say it or you'll chop off my dick. And I need my dick, you know?” Y/N slaps him on the chest. “You can't be in love with me, Reid. You just can't. You're just saying it because you feel bad for...” But before Y/N can finish her sentence, Spencer grabs her by the face and brings his lips on hers. He has wanted to do this since she stepped inside of his apartment so now it's a good time to kiss her and shut her up, hoping she won't push him away. And she doesn't, because she has been waiting for this for so long. She has dreamed to taste his lips, she has dreamed to feel his hands on her face, his fingers brushing against her cheekbones. And now that she's able to finally kiss him, she's not going to pull away even if she's mad at him for falling in love with her after she left. This feels so weird. But in a good way, of course. Y/N should ask him why he has fallen in love with her now, why he hasn't thought about doing this sooner, but she doesn't because all that matters is that now they're together and they're finally kissing. They are kissing on the lips, and not on the cheek. This is not a friendly kiss, this is the kiss two lovers are sharing after so many weeks and months of waiting and longing. Y/N puts both her hands on his shoulders, leaning down to kiss him again. Spencer slides a hand behind her neck so she doesn't pull away and the other rests on her hip, forcing her body to stay pressed on his. And it feels so good to be like this, to have her on top of him. Eleven months without her. And now... They're back at the beginning. But this time, they are together which is exactly what she wanted. Y/N didn't think Spencer would change his mind about her. She was ready to come back here as a simple best friend, like she has always been, but now she's not a simple friend. These kinds of kisses are not friendly, they mean something more and she's ready for that. Even though she had a fling or two in Italy with some people she met there, they don't care about what she feels and wants with Spencer. It's totally different, much stronger and intense. “Wait. - Y/N whispers, interrupting the kiss but not pulling away – Now you can say it.” Spencer opens his eyes, looking up at her as his lips brush against her. “What?” She kisses him again, softly. “Say that you're in love with me. I need to hear it now.” “You won't chop off my dick, will you?” He looks so scared, as if he's actually thinking she'd be able to do something like this. “Of course not. I would never. - says Y/N, slightly giggling – It might be useful.” Spencer chuckles, his right hand sliding on her back. They haven't eeven talked about a possible relationship and yet, Y/N is already teasing him about sex. And he feels so fucking happy in this moment, because it's finally happening. “I am in love with you, Y/N.” She presses her forehead against his, closing her eyes. “Again.” He obeys, whispering those words over and over again until she's smiling and a few tears are slipping down her cheeks, wetting the hem of his shirt. Spencer is overwhelmed because not only he found out that Y/N is still in love with her, but he has also told her how he feels about her and he has kissed her. Like, what? What happened? Everything seems so rushed but they don't care. Spencer doesn't, most of all. He has been waiting for eleven months to tell her the truth, to actually be with her, and now that he's in the moment, he's enjoying it the fullest. “I'm so in love with you, Y/N. - says Spencer, lifting her chin so he can look into her eyes – I am in love with you, I love you and I want to be with you, if you want it as well.” Y/N quickly nods, grabbing both his hands so their fingers intertwine. “Of course I do.” He brushes the tip of his thumb against her cheek. “Of course you do.” She rolls her eyes, pulling away from him. “Unbelievable. If I knew that you would fall in love with me in my absence, I would've gone to Italy years ago.” Spencer laughs, covering his mouth with a hand. “Y/N! Come on, better late than never.” Y/N sits on the couch with her legs crossed, right in front of Spencer, as he sits up with his back against the pillow on the edge of the couch. The young doctor gives her a smile, his right hand immediately sliding on top of hers as Y/N tilts her head, studying his face. “This doesn't feel real. Are you sure you're not joking?” asks Y/N Spencer nods, leaning in to kiss her again but she rejects him. She covers his face with her free hand and shakes her head, rolling her eyes as she tilts her head. This really doesn't feel real, it's totally weird and Y/N is not sure if she can really trust his words. She's terrified that he said those words just to make her happy – which is really sweet, but what if he doesn't really care in that sense about her?

“Spencer...” He raises an eyebrow. “Why don't you believe me?” She shrugs, lowering her eyes. “It's not that I don't believe you, I'm just... scared that you might say these things just to not make me suffer. You know?” “I would never hurt you, Y/N. And I'm not that cruel. - says Spencer, a bit offended by her words – I can assure you, my feelings are real. I don't know how to prove it.” Y/N leans in, placing both hands on his cheeks. “I do believe you. I know you care about me, I don't doubt it. I'm just insecure, that's it. But it'll pass.” He leans in again, this time she gives in and kisses him softly. “I will do my best to help you fight these insecurities. But right now I'm hungry, so could you start cooking for me?” She widens her eyes, then she rolls them. “Wow, you really know how to ruin a romantic moment.” “It's one of my best qualities, actually.”

“Don't kick me tonight.” Spencer lays his head on the pillow. “Don't steal the blanket from me.” Y/N rolls her eyes, taking off her shirt. “Don't stare at my boobs.” His eyes slip down there for a second. “Okay, I won't.” Once she's in nothing but her underwear, Y/N jumps on the bed next to Spencer and scoots closer to him. This is their first night together in his apartment as something more than friends and Y/N is not nervous at all. While they were having dinner, Y/N thought this would feel different because of the new relationship that is blossoming between them but in reality, nothing has really changed. They're still best friends, they still care about each other. So? “I want a goodnight kiss.” Y/N turns to him, raising an eyebrow. “Oh, a goodnight kiss.” Spencer points to his lips. “Kissing is one of the most primal ways of expressing affection for others, it's one of the earliest evolutionary mechanisms for social bonding. Romantic kissing may be utilized in human sexual relationships to evaluate aspects of a potential's mate's suitability, to mediate feelings of attachment between pair-bonded individuals, or to facilitate arousal and initiate sexual relations.” The young woman stares at him, pursing her lips. “Are you asking me to have sex?” He grins, continuing his rant. “Kissing serves as a useful mate-assessment function, seen as more important in long-term relationships contexts and kissing frequency was found to be related to relationship satisfaction.” Y/N lets out a sigh, turning on her back. “Okay, I get it. Kissing is good for health, so?” “I want my goodnight kiss so I can sleep better.” mutters the doctor. She leans in, pressing a kiss on his cheek. “Here you go. Happy?” Spencer puts a hand on her cheek, lowering her face so that their lips can touch; and when they do, Y/N closes her eyes and lays a hand on his chest, giggling against his mouth. She would've never denied him a kiss, but she was in the mood to hear something factual about kissing and how kissing is important between two lovers. Well, they're not lovers yet but they might be very soon. Right? Is that the direction they're going to?

Y/N taps on his chest, sighing softly on his lips. “Okay, that's enough.” But Spencer keeps on kissing her, a hand laying gently on her hips to pull her closer.

Y/N allows him to do that, sliding against his body with a hand pressed on his chest and the other one lifting part of her body so that she's able to kiss him again and again. She is never going to get enough of him and his kisses, she's already addicted. “Stop kissing me, horny boy. - whispers Y/N, the hand on his chest moving behind his neck – We have to sleep, I'm tired and the jet lag is about to kick in. I'll probably sleep until noon tomorrow.” Spencer softly nods, his lips not leaving hers. “Sure, we can stop now if you want.” She closes her eyes, his tongue caressing her bottom lip. “Do you want to stop?” He doesn't reply, he simply rolls over her body so that he's between her legs. “Do you?” Y/N opens her eyes, lifting her right hand to caress his cheek. “I'm too tired to have sex.” “I don't want to have sex. - says Spencer, kissing her lips – I just want to kiss you.” “Hm, okay. You can kiss me but keep your hands off my boobs or you're going to get me in the mood. - she mutters, chuckling when he smiles – Seriously, let's take this very slow. I don't want to rush anything between us, it's too important.” “A new Australian study found that 64% partecipants slept bettern when they had sex with their partner and an orgasm. When you're engaging in sex, you're not thinking about what to do the next day. It distracts you. After humans have sex and achieve orgasm, there's a massive release of oxytocin. The same part of the brain that regulates your arousal, also regulates your sleep-wake cycle. Although having sex can affect your mood and your sleep, sex should be for when you and your partner are in the mood. - explains Spencer, his lips travelling down her neck to kiss it and bite on it softly – For women, estrogen levels increase after sex which can enhance a woman's REM cycle for a deeper sleep.”

Y/N raises an eyebrow, staring at him. ”So you're suggesting we have sex before sleeping because it might help us sleep better and psychology says so.” He wrinkles his nose. “Well, it's something we can take into consideration.” She stays silent for a few seconds, then she starts laughing. “My God, Spencie. If you wanted to have sex, you could've just told me.” “You said you are too tired to have sex and I didn't want to push, you know? - he mutters, blushing hard at her words as he shakes his head – Also, you just came back from Italy. I don't want you to fall asleep while we're having sex, it'd be a punch to my ego.” Y/N runs her fingers through his hair. “We can have sex tomorrow night, though.” “How about tomorrow morning? When you'll wake up? - asks the young woman, lifting his face so that he's able to look her in the eyes – I really, really want to do it.” She hums, leaning in to kiss his lips. “That might be a good idea.” Spencer rolls back on his side of the bed, cuddling up against Y/N's body as she turns with her back on him. He puts a hand on her hip, pushing her closer to him, as he presses his forehead against her shoulders before leaving a kiss on it. Y/N smiles softly at his gesture, lifting the blanket so it can cover her body, and lets out a sigh as she feels extremely tired. Coming home has never felt better. She got to see all of her friends and colleagues. But most importantly, she got Spencer back. And this time, she's not going to leave him. Y/N grabs the hand he has on her hip and leaves a kiss on the back of it, bringing it up to her heart so she can sleep better. Having Spencer pressed on her has never felt this good before. Sure, it's not the first time that they sleep in the same bed, tangled with each other like this, but it's the first time they're sleeping together as something more than two best friends. But it doesn't feel any different. They're still those two people they were before. Just a bit more in love. “Now I'm home.” Spencer smiles at her whispered words, closing his eyes and falling asleep with the woman he loves in his arms.

TAG LIST: @bookishspencer @allexthakatt @calm-and-doctor @reidswhoree

Hello my darlings, it’s 1 am here. Let me know what you think about this. And please, let me know with a message if you want to be added to my masterlist. Love, Aurora x

#spencer reid #doctor spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x female reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid angst #spencer reid one shot #spencer reid soft #criminal minds #criminal minds one shot #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds fluff

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sultryfandoms · 3 years ago

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Since the first one was a success for a first timer, here's part two of my untitled Damian Priest fic! 🥰

Pairings: Animal Hunter!Damian Priest x Dracula's Bride!OC (Irina Dragavei; played by Barbara Palvin)

Setting: Set years before the events of the film Van Helsing (2004)

TW'S: Banter between a male and female, sexual tension, love at first sight and a little sprinkle of angst

•••

Damian had never seen a monstrous beast look like a beautiful goddess sent from the heavens above him

He's been with different maidens before and they were all beautiful... But none compares to the fawn haired beauty in front of him

"I can smell your arousal from here hunter, are you just going to stand there and lust over me or are you going to actually kill me?" Irina snapped as she stood up and broke his arrow that hit her

She would be lying to herself if she didn't admit that the tall hunter wasn't attractive, he was far from being hideous and in fact he was the most handsome mortal that she had interacted with

"I was going to actually, I planned to be a hero in the village by killing you" his deep voice made Irina's stomach feel different "But you're too beautiful to be killed" he smirked

“Shit I could smell my own arousal too” she cursed, mentally biting her lower lip

Irina rolled her eyes "I'd be happy to be an instrument with your rise to heroism had you aimed for my heart and not my wings" she curtsies and says sarcastically, but her eyes were telling a different story

Damian bravely stepped forward towards her and stared at the beautiful woman before him, admiring her more than he even should and softly caressed her cheek, seeing the hurt and sadness in her eyes

“Who hurt you mi amor? Why is there so much pain in your eyes?”he thought as he sighed and looked deeply into her icy blue eyes

“Are you going to be the one who will save me from Dracula?” Irina says in her mind, studying Damian's features as well

They both gasped as they heard each other's thoughts, Irina hissed and pushed him away with great strength "Stay the fuck away from me human, I hope we'll never see each other again!" she shrieks, transforming back into her monstrous form and disappearing in the dark sky with Damian watching her fly away in disappointment

•••

Irina sighed in frustration, she's never heard a man's thoughts before, even Dracula! Why was she so affected by that mortal's words? And why does she feel so many new emotions around him, emotions that she has never felt in a long time?! She shook her head, flying back to Dracula's castle in a hurry with one thing inside her head

“What does mi amor mean?!”

#damian priest #fanfiction #wattpad #writing #wrestling #van helsing #dracula's brides #damien priest #damian priest fanfiction #sofia writes #halloween inspired #vampire fanfic

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nostuntmanneeded · 3 years ago

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Regarding comments about body image. I wonder what would be acceptable then? Are we not to comment *at all* about people's appearance? What if a friend is dieting to the point they're endangering their health for example, are we to refrain from commenting still? // It's really not that complicated, the point was that you need to be mindful and sensitive with what to say and what not to say and how you say it. Ask yourselves what would be the impact if you say it and how would it benefit the person before speaking because there are somethings that you don't need to say out loud. I have a friend who's very open about telling people about her body image issues because aside from the fact that it helps her with acceptance, she tells us that she purposefully wants people to know because she easily gets triggered and she expects people to be cautious about the things they say around her. Always be mindful of the comments you make, especially around people that you know full well are struggling with body image, I'm actually very confused seeing the number of people freely making comments about how "bad" he looks even after he's talked about the struggle of having BD several times and again, anyone can see your post if you talk about this type of stuff, including fans who really look up to this people and find them attractive. There are fans out there who try to place themselves into such impossibly high standards, to 'level' themselves with the celebrity they like and having them see these comments would only make the situation worse. I have always admired Barbara Palvin's beauty and I really wanted to be as pretty as her and I tried doing everything in my power to change the way I looked but then I started seeing people talking about how she's not even good looking and it made me second guess myself even more because I thought to myself that if someone as good looking as her gets remarks like that, then what would people say about me then? Always remember, taking extra cautious with the things you say is one of the most important social media etiquette.

Exactly!

An old-fashioned rule that I always follow is to never ask what a woman's weight is.

This is what we need to understand. It's completely valid to prefer a certain body type, and no one is saying that you have to like a certain body type, but that doesn't give us the right to shame others.

Bodies are a really sensitive topic for some people. Many influencers have been "body shamed" and it's really affected their mental health. We need to be mindful of this.

The best thing we can do is stick to the things that we don't like about a particular person (if those things are valid). We shouldn't stray from that. For example, we can hold Alejandra accountable for her problematic actions, but we cross the line when we stray from that and hate on her for the heck of it.

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duskfellhq-arch · 3 years ago

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WHEN DUSK FALLS … welcome to new york, SLYVIE GRAVES & DAHLIA RAMSEY — you look an awful lot like barbara palvin & anya taylor joy, don’t you ? please be sure to pick up a subway map on your way in, and send in your account within the next 24 HOURS.

( barbara palvin. cis woman. she / her. the killing moon & echo and the bunnymen. ) have you seen SYLVIE GRAVES strolling around central park at lunchtime? rumor has it they’re actually 97 years old, but i’m pretty sure they’re only 27. they’re currently posing as a STAGE ACTRESS, but when dusk falls, you can usually find them heading home to MANHATTAN by TOWN CAR. apparently they DID attend the met gala this season! ( venus. 27. she/her. cst. )

( anya taylor joy. demi woman. she / they. harvest moon & neil young. ) i heard DAHLIA RAMSEY singing the other night, though it didn’t sound like english. it’s so admirable that someone who’s only 24 can sing latin so fluently! i hear they hang out with the LUX coven, but they’re also a GRAD STUDENT at COLUMBIA. when dusk falls, you can usually find them heading home to BROOKLYN by SUBWAY. ( venus. 27. she/her. cst. )

#submission #appless rpg #oc rpg #town rpg #spn rpg #supernatural rpg #NICE !!#accepted

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pop-pop-pop-popculture · 4 years ago

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Let’s talk about Victoria’s Secret Angels

As of now there are eleven, and out of the eleven, here is who I would keep:

Taylor Hill

Alexina Graham

Grace Elizabeth

Josephine Skriver

Jasmine Tookes

Lais Ribeiro

Sara Sampaio

When there are too many of them, then the title is meaningless. I’m not going to go into detail about the company itself because that is a different topic (and discussion), so I’m only going to focus on the Angels. I can write an eight to ten paragraph essay on why I like these models, but I will keep is sweet and simple. First, I love that all of them are active on Instagram. When it comes to the fashion industry, being active on Instagram is super important. I hate how dependent the fashion industry is on Instagram now. Secondly, I admire how open they are with their lives outside of being a model. Whether it’s a photo of them with friends or family, for example, it’s refreshing to see that their life is not centered around their career twenty-four seven. Taylor Hill especially, whether it’s photos of her cute pooch Tate or photos with her siblings. Sharing personal photos also serves as a nice break in their Instagram feed, because it makes their feed look versatile. Thirdly, I love how fairly good they are with communicating with their followers (I can’t speak for all seven, though, but Taylor and Josephine try to!). Last year, when the pandemic took into effect, although Victoria’s Secret kept them busy, it was nice to see Taylor share a video of herself making her favourite drink. A few of them used the Q&A sticker feature to let their followers ask them questions, and they followed through with answering to a few of them! It’s the little things like that that go a long a way and even bring a smile to their fans faces. And lastly, I have seen some samples of each model’s work outside of Victoria’s Secret, and each of them are incredible. Whether it’s how they pose, walk, or use their face for expressions, these seven women never cease to amaze me with their work. Taylor, Alexina, Grace, Josephine, Jasmine, Lais, and Sara know what modeling is and they know how to do it (the right way). Now, here is who I removed:

Romee Strijd

Leomie Anderson

Stella Maxwell

Barbara Palvin

I left off Romee because I have a feeling she will retire this year or next year due to recently becoming a mum. I could be wrong! I’m sure there will be other reasons too. As a matter of fact, I think she moved out of New York last year, which is where the Victoria’s Secret headquarters are. I like Romee and her work, though, so don’t get me wrong. I removed Leomie because I am not familiar with her work and have no desire to. Has anyone even heard of her before Victoria’s Secret? I have a feeling she originally started off as an Instagram model or influencer before becoming a Victoria’s Secret Angel... . If that’s the case, then I am disappointed in the company’s casting director. I removed Stella because I just don’t understand the hype around her. She has a decent portfolio, but, other than that, the majority of her work gets a shrug from me. Nothing stands out to me. She is good-looking, though, so I’ll give her that. I removed Barbara because the two reasons she became one were, and still are, illogical. Her follow count on Instagram and the celebrity she is using (USING) as a boyfriend. In my opinion, her modeling career went downhill after May of 2019. Her behavior in 2019 and early to mid-2020 was both appalling and mortifying, and from a professional perspective, unprofessional. Her actions during the pandemic last year is what made me lose all respect for her. Jesus f*cking Christ. Anyways, the kind of work she gets booked outside of Victoria’s Secret nowadays, especially for a Victoria’s Secret Angel, is unimpressive. Although Barbara is not, she is now basically an Instagram model who is booked influencer-level work, which is bad thing, especially compared to the type of work Taylor and Alexina, for example, get booked. It’s actually really embarrassing. If Leomie, Stella and Barbara left, then it would not be a terrible loss for the company. However, between the three, Leomie and Barbara definitely need to go.

♡ April 16, 2021 ♡

#text #personal #my opinion #2021 #victoria's secret #victoria's secret angel #victoria's secret angels #fashion #fashion industry #pop culture #popcultureconfessions

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dcmarqvis · 4 years ago

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HSHQTASK011: FAMILY

husband: cecil armistead ( andrew lincoln ) baby daddy: arthur windsor sr ( colin firth ) daughter: natalia de marquis ( barbara palvin )

sisters: amelia de marquis ( claire forlani ) madeleine corrington née de marquis ( caroline dhavernas ) chantal de marquis-putney ( abigail spencer )

CECIL ARMISTEAD

nicole has stated it many times: she doesn’t have a love of her life and never will have. if she did, cecil might have a chance. nicole adores him when he shows off his intelligence. she loves bantering with him. the two of them have been a team for over two decades, they know each other like they know their favourite books. there’s little they can do to surprise each other.

ARTHUR WINDSOR SR

when nicole was younger she admired arthur. the handsome intelligent crown prince ! now he’s none of those things in nicole’s eyes. she puts up with him because he is means to an end. she can control herself well enough to be amicable around him. despite not having much respect for him, she values her friendship with him because he makes a good ally and not all of his ideas are bad.

NATALIA DE MARQUIS

her sweet daughter ! natalia is her sun and stars. the center of her life. she has done everything in her power to mold natalia into the perfect princess. as much as she loves natalia, her love isn’t unconditional. she has high expectations for her daughter and she refuses to see her fail.

AMELIA DE MARQUIS

amelia is a professor at cambridge, something scientific, nicole forgets. she hasn’t talked to amelia in years. amelia has opinions nicole doesn’t care to hear and nicole isn’t interested in having tea with someone who will judge her way of life. apparently politics is the sport of the self-serving.

MADELEINE CORRINGTON

madeleine is the only sister nicole really gets along with. it’s mostly because madeleine married down, settled down and never did anything truly exceptional. nicole doesn’t feel even slightly inferior around madeleine.

CHANTAL DE MARQUIS-PUTNEY

chantal is... chantal. she lives in france now, married some count and has her own vineyard that produces de marquis sauvignon blanc. chantal isn’t doing better than nicole however... something about chantal brings out the worst in nicole. chantal has a lovely voice and she will keep talking until someone stops her. nicole can stand her only for short periods of time before exploding. chantal is also very successful at steering the conversation back to her whenever someone tries to talk about something else than chantal herself. two big egos do not comfortably fit inside one room.

#hshqtask011 #( &. task. )

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mrsreinhart · 6 years ago

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Lili Reinhart knows how to have a great night at the CFDA’s

Reinhart may head home early most of the time, but for the CFDAs she made a special exception. On hand for the event’s biggest moments—Jennifer Lopez’s acceptance speech, the tribute to plastic fashion icon Barbie, and Tom Ford’s address—she captured every moment for this exclusive Vogue diary. Follow along as she and Gordon ignore the curfew and experience the best of the night.

Starting off the evening with a Joanna Vargas face mask.

Using my gua sha tool to help my skin soak up my moisturizer [it] helps give a natural glow!

Lili Reinhart has mastered the art having a great time at the CFDA Awards. The Riverdale actress made her first trip to the festivities back in 2018, so when it came time to get ready for last night’s affair she knew exactly what to do. Rule 1: make sure to attend with a likeminded friend. Reinhart spent the night with Carolina Herrera creative director Wes Gordon who designed her sleek tuxedo dress. “He is such a talented visionary,” shared Reinhart. “We had a great night bonding over our love of fashion and leaving parties early!”

Smokey eyes courtesy of Charlotte Tilbury.

My view of the Brooklyn Bridge while getting ready.

The effortlessly beautiful Barbara Palvin, ladies and gents.

Couldn’t stop admiring Yara Shahidi’s glowing skin.

J.Lo being a legend and accepting her fashion icon award.

A beautiful gift from Carolina Herrera to end the night.

“I was so honored to be Wes Gordon’s date to the CFDAs. He is such a talented visionary. We had a great night bonding over our love of fashion and leaving parties early. He’s also a vegetarian, so I ate the steak off his dinner plate.”

#lili reinhart #cfda fashion awards #cfda

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hot-celebrity-lover · 11 months ago

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Barbara Palvin [2280x3039]

#Barbara Palvin Admirer #Barbara Palvin Model #barbara palvin lover #Barbara Palvin fan #love #imagination #romantic #stunning #celebrity crush #gorgeous #celebrity #crush #hollywood #movie #movies

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the-beauty-and-the-yeet · 6 years ago

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My Gay Thought Process as time went on

2011: haha what would happen if two men marry hm interesting- *goes back to playing Club Penguin*

2012: complete silence I guess

2013: *saying, “that’s gay” @ everything just to make my friends like me even tho in the back of my head I flet confused as to why that was funny exactly*

2014: *after an evening of watching Disney Channel and reading stuff on wattpad* hm yes Allie DeBerry, Barbara Palvin, Cara Delevingne, AnnaSophia Robb+ are all attractive women I admire. I appreciate their beauty; no no, it is not gay to appreciate a girl’s beauty and google imaging them constantly means I look up to them so much,,, yes,, I am not gay bc I only like Francisco Lachowski and that is it

2015: *crying myself to sleep and praying to God to convince myself that I’m not queer bc i know my mom and stepdad will not accept at all, refuses to let myself think about the same gender*

2016: *now has some gay friends* wow okay well I like you as a person so I should accept that part of you and be supportive :) *lets myself think about the same gender more than I used to now that I see how comfortable my friends look w it*

2017: *is v v supportive, like,,,, suspiciously v supportive, keeps making ocs queer, going to bed admiring the lgbt community, does not know what’s coming next-*

2018: what is UP kids I’m pan and i L O V E girls yeehaw get em like girls are gREAT never thought of em before like this is w o w I’m having such a time

2019: *sobbing* everyone is so pretty literally every person I turn to omfg guys girls everybody in between like why would God torture me ugh damn my heart 💗💖💘😭 i want a girlfriend to loooooove me-

#gay #queer #pansexual #questioning #lgbtqa #pride #pan pride #everyone is so pretty #i want a girlfriend #im so lonely

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alexwinfield-blog1 · 6 years ago

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ASOS: A Surveillance Of Size

ASOS (AsSeenOnScreen). Where do we begin?

If you were like me, it may have just been brought to your attention that ASOS can be translated into this acronym. In fact, many customers of the brand are not aware of this.

ASOS is an online British fashion and cosmetic retailer, which was founded in 2000. Selling around 850 brands and shipping to over 200 countries worldwide.

For me, ASOS is my holy grail online shopping outlet. If I’m bored? You’ll find me scrolling through ASOS. Distracted in a lecture? (shameful, I know). I’ll probably be weeping at the expense of all the items in my ‘saved items’ list. In desperate need of something to wear for a night out? ASOS will sort me out, for sure. And the wedding I haven’t been invited to yet? You’ll always find me admiring the pretty dresses.

What I love about ASOS is that they have such a broad range of clothing, from swimwear to fancy dress inspiration, and even HOMEWARE. You can’t go wrong.

I suppose I could be described as a ‘serial scroller’ when it comes to online shopping. An innocent addiction which quite frankly my bank account takes the hit from. Time. And. Time. Again.

It is almost like ASOS knows how much I want that new summer co-ord with pretty flowery detailing from the latest “summer range drop”, saved in a size 8. And I suppose they also know how many times I’ve put that sparkly pink jumpsuit into my basket, and how long I spend staring at the total before coming to the conclusion that maybe, just maybe, £150 is too much to spend on one item of clothing that I’ll probably only wear once, and then Depop later in the year.

You mean they do know?

Damn right! Your edit is where we have put together a collage of your top pics.

You mean they purposefully target my Instagram and Facebook feed with my saved items (or similar) in order to entice me to go back and purchase them?

Oh yes. Subtle, right?

What about my sizing? Surely they haven’t got that figured out too?

Correct! We know you usually fit into a size 8 in tops, an 8 in trousers/skirts and well, jumpers? 12-14. We know you love them oversized!

So, what you’re saying is, I just need to enter my details of my preferred payment method and that’s it?

No way! We aren’t time wasters. We’ve remembered your card details from before (and your boyfriend’s, just in case he ever feels like being extra generous again). No faffing around here.

If you think you’re that smart, what about my delivery address? This girl travels…

No problem. So, you’re normally in Reading, right? We mainly deliver there, but it seems your impulsive purchasing isn’t just restricted to Reading. Because of this, we’ve saved your home address for these occasions. Oh, and when you’re desperate and no one is home. Your mum’s work isn’t shy of a few parcels every now and again, is it?

As demonstrated in the narrative above, ASOS are well and truly the experts at keeping check of our online shopping activity. However, it is important to use the phrase “keeping check” loosely, as the proper term for this type of behaviour analysis can be defined as “surveillance capitalism”. By storing information such as our addresses, card details and most frequently searched items, ASOS is able to create a more efficient process of online shopping for its consumers, meaning that online shopping can be as easy as 1 (finding the items you like), 2 (purchasing these items), 3 (having them delivered to your doorstep).

Lehtiniemi (2017) outlines that “surveillance capitalism encompasses mass dataveillance”, which aims to “regulate and govern” behaviour of individuals engaging in a specific platform, such as the likes of ASOS. Within this platform, technology developers have the power to turn people from “data sources” into “active data subjects”, however at the same time promise to “empower people to take control of processing of personal data”. Here, it could be argued that it perhaps isn’t the case that customers of ASOS are in control of their personal information, in the way that this information is extracted in order to manipulate the routine behaviour of its customers through “targeting” and “personalisation”. Despite ASOS encouraging its customers to give their personal information away in order to receive a better service, ultimately, this is a “profit-turning” exchange which benefits the back pockets of the technology developers within ASOS. This digital economy therefore extracts any personification of these individuals, essentially transforming them into “quantified data”.

So, when we receive emails such as “happy birthday! Here’s a 10% off code” or advertisements on our Facebook feeds, could it be argued that at this point we are no longer viewed as human beings behind a screen? Or a respected customer of ASOS? Are we just contributing to the database of numbers? Numbers which contribute to the “datafication” as well as their profit margins?

When ASOS revamped their website in late 2018, personally, it came as a shock to me that out of nowhere, ASOS seemed to know my sizing, and this fluctuated for different types of clothes, so I was impressed that it could recommend all these different sizes. However, what baffled me the most about this concept was that I had never given ASOS any of my measurements. But this was the thing. It was then that I realised that ASOS was pretty much guessing my size on each occasion, and it just happened to be that 9 times out of 10, they matched the size I would most likely buy. UNTIL… when writing this, I checked again.

So, you want to buy this dress?

Let’s say you’re a new customer to ASOS. You haven’t ordered from there before and you average around sizes 8-10 in most items of clothing. You aren’t aware that in order for this sizing match feature to be most effective, you need to enter not only your ‘tummy’ measurements, but your bust, waist and lower hip (whatever that’s supposed to mean). However, you are often very conscious of your body shape, regularly feeling like summer clothes like this will look silly on you. Nevertheless, feeling confident that you can definitely rock this look, you click ‘add to basket’. But not too fast! Before ASOS holds this in your basket for you, you are faced with a size recommendation. Oh, a size 12. You’ve never bought a dress in a size 12 before and you feel slightly bemused. You love things to be oversized, but not a DRESS? This knocks you back even further, resulting in you feeling even more body conscious than you did before.

This can be deceiving until you enter your personal details. As someone who doesn’t keep track of their weight, when entering my details to demonstrate this feature, I was surprised to feel extremely vulnerable. Who is seeing this information? And how will it be used?

And this was the outcome...

The point I am trying to make here is that this feature can either make online shopping a hassle-free, more efficient process, or alternatively in some cases, a very daunting and humiliating procedure. Here’s why. In today’s society where women and men often find themselves being defined by their appearance, I was left feeling what I can only describe as frustratingly stunned when Victoria Secret welcomed Barbara Palvin as their new ‘plus sized’ model to their ‘Angel’ community.

You can make a judgement for yourself about whether you agree to this label of ‘plus sized’.

Although an extreme link, which may only apply to very few of ASOS’ customers, it is estimated that 1.7% to 2.4% of the world’s population suffers with Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD). That’s 1 in nearly every 50 people. This disorder is characterised by negative thoughts about one’s perceived flaws, which burdens them every day. These thoughts have potential to interfere with the daily functioning of one’s life, leaving them feeling extremely distressed, often resulting in isolation from friends and family in fear that people around them may notice these ‘flaws’. However, the reality of this disorder is that no amount of convincing or reassuring can encourage someone to believe that these thoughts are irrational, and that no one else is thinking the same as them.

So, despite ASOS asking for your age, your height and your weight, with the innocent intention of improving your online shopping experience through a more personal approach, why can shopping online now feel as though we are having a routine check up at the doctors every time we sign in? Is it essential that ASOS withholds all of this information about us? It is unearthly that a computer calculates these numbers every time we want to do some shopping?

I took to Twitter to see what people thought about this new size recommendation feature, and this is what I found:

What do you think?

Has this sizing feature hindered or enhanced your shopping experience with ASOS?

References:

Lehtiniemi, T. (2017). Personal data spaces: An intervention in surveillance capitalism. Surveillance and Society, 15 (5), 626-639.

Cherrington, R. (2017). ASOS Is Guessing What Size Its Customers Are, And They're Not Happy About It. Retrieved from: https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/asos-size-recommendation_uk_58871c69e4b02085409924c3

#week10

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southsidelover · 6 years ago

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IT’S THAT TIME AGAIN!!!

The year has come to an end... but what a year it’s been! From the end and the new start of season 2 to 3, from the ridiculous Tumblr purge, from Cheryl-gate, to comic-gate... it’s been a hell of a ride, ladies and gentlemen. But through it all, I’ve ended up meeting and becoming close with such incredible people, not to mention those that have been with me since this madness began. I am legit full of love and adoration for those around me, because I’m who I am today because of the goodness you bring into my life. So! Here’s to another fantastic year, to hoping that you all have wonder and happiness in your life.

Some messages of love to those who have been standout fantastic below!

@yourpaljughead / @thetowcr - V! The V to by Z. My best friend, maid of honour, and a shining fucking star of goodness in this world. You have done... so much for me this year. From scheming behind my back with my fiancé to pull off the most beautiful engagement, to being here as I’ve bought my first house, to just being YOU... honestly, I couldn’t thank you enough for being the light that you are in my life. I know it’s been a challenging year, but I couldn’t be prouder of all the things you’ve done, the steps you’ve taken, the relationships you’ve recognized as toxic, and the growth you’ve made. Next year is going to be insane, and I can’t wait to face it all with you. I’m truly blessed to have you in my life. And... you know. I... I love you. Like. Love you lo-- lol. Wink wink. See you tonight, babe!

@chaosblossomed - Steph, like, holy shit. Can you believe that Choni was finally made real in this year of our lord, twenty gay teen? Basically, we called it, and made it fucking real, by summoning it with the strength of our writing skills. I’m so so happy we met. That you’ve been such a consistent and stable writing partner. That nobody else in this world does Cheryl the justice that you do, because holy crap, how are you not her? And like. I cannot, CANNOT WAIT until I meet you in person at my wedding. You are such a strong and persistent girl, and I can’t help but admire your willingness to bounce back from anything. You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. I adore you to bits, and I hope you know, we’re stuck together for life now.

@stormedchaos / @yourlittlejellybean - Oh my Lor. YOU have been such trouble, young lady! It was such a trip to meet you in person, and holy shit Ireland was so fun! Now here’s to hoping you can make it to Canada come 2k19, because you so need to be with everyone as we herald this madness for another year. I’m so happy you’re back to writing and feeling good, that you’ve purged out some of the awfulness of the year and are moving to a place in your life where you’re happy, free, and where your head is high. You’re a fantastic person, and you need to leave the shit where it belongs in 2018! Because next year is your year, girl, so own it, claim it, and find it yours, with goodness in your heart.

@goodnessfilled - Now, you, you? You’re such a good person Ric! And this year, holy crap, I swear you’ve made such huge progress! You’re now living in a new country, chasing your next educational step in life, and you’re doing it all while writing the most fleshed out, fantastic Archie, and extended family. Do you know how brilliant that is!? I mean I always remind you but still. I’m proud of you and what you’ve accomplished, and think the world of you - I appreciate that I can go to you when I need a person to bounce ideas off of, I appreciate your solidarity within the community, and I love that you are always there to do the moral right thing. You’re gold, Ric.

@dangeress / @wistcrias / @soleheir / etc - This girl is amazing. She manages to always write such rich, fantastic muses and with such grace. I’m always left in awe, Dani, and while we don’t talk as much as we RP, I want you to know that I always find your muses deep and amazing, and I adore writing with you when we do. You always feel unafraid and strong when it comes to the things that you believe in, and feel so fun when you have your emotions at hand. Just know you’re admired, and well thought of, from this court.

@machiavelliani / @ourpyrrhicvictory / @forslaughter / etc - Oso is like. Wow? I don’t know how else to put it, but seeing the black experience so beautifully captured in writing always makes me sit up straight. Oso’s got this beauty to their writing too that’s so inspiring and makes me wanna do shit better, and I hope that slowly but surely, I’m doing that. Can’t wait to do more with your muses with Agatha now that I have my own witchling muse to play, and never forget how brilliant you are my friend!!

@holyxgrail - Now if you wanna rp with a girl who write female brilliance, this is the one! I always feel bad tossing huge ass paragraphs at her, but man does she inspire me, and her muses are always so much fun to play against. Props to you for a year of finding out more of who and how you wanna play, for finding your confidence and your voice, and for knowing that you’re worth playing for both your boys AND your girls. Especially your girls. And thanks for inducting me into a world where I love Barbara Palvin, fuck!

@pinkxperfectionisms - Gonna be real. This girl? The most INCREDIBLE Betty. Like I love playing the good and the bad and the necessary evils, and how you always keep in mind that Betty is fucking 16 years old, man, like she doesn’t have her shit together, none of them do! They’re kids! You’re such a good bean of a soul, and rping with you and all our future OT3 stuff with V gets me all hella hyped, because I feel you’re so into the world building and understanding of maddening timelines on everyones’ ends. You’re gold babe!

@curiouscast - Nowwww, we started RPing because I found you super randomly in the indie rp tag but I’m so so glad I did! Like not only are all your muses so fun, but you’re so willing to try out new shit, you’re willing to really lean into characterizations, and I love that you keep pace with novella with me! Now that you’re also doing Riverdale and SPN, I swear to god we’re always going to have something going on. This new year is gonna be one that we DOMINATE, yo!!!

@evcryhcrd - My darling-est darling! You always always always inspire me with how much love and devotion you pay to Troy. Like it’s so heartening to know that you can be so invested and that we get to write such beautiful things together. I don’t know where the easiest place to find you anymore is (Tumblr? Discord? Where are you!) but know that I always find you dear in my heart. The last year was so fun to write out in development between Troy and Toni, and even with the angst and agony, I can’t wait to see what we cook up for them.

@mademiistakes / @favorpaid - Megs, my sweetie, thank you so much for the last year of goodness between Toni and Joaquin. Like their friendship fuels me! I know that despite your dolls both being dipped at the moment, I am confident you and I can continue RPing Serpent brilliance because that, babes, is what we do. I appreciate you so much, and thank you for being with me through the ups and the downs.

@heavenlysigh - Girl, I always love writing with you. Toni and Hara have seen so much growth this year, and I feel at the heart of it, that you always wake up this poetry in my writing. I adore it, and their complicated relationship and friendship. It really makes me feel emboldened when I see them together because it feels like such a lovely example of female friendship between the pair of them, in all its loveliness and ugliness. Let’s see all the new shit they stir up this year.

@slayvicr - Sam! Honestly we’re only now starting to get to know each other, but I love how supportive and wonderful you’ve been right out the gate. You’re so lovely when we talk and I can’t wait to see you at my wedding, because I know that you’re a wonderful person and that you’ll be a great person to be there during one of my happiest days. I can’t wait to write with you, either with Buffy or Joaquin or whoever you want to play! A new year, and more stuff for us!

@hoodjunior / @ladyreckoning - Hello JJ you wild warrior woman! Honestly, didn’t expect to get to know you well, and happy that we are talking. You have been so helpful about the things that you’ve helped me with along the way, from dumb Tumblr things, to helping me craft thoughtful statements. You’re a wonderful person who puts up with far too much, and while this year was not kind, I do hope that the next one will be.

@sunshinebarbiiie / @loyalserpvnt - You’re such a fucking sweetheart. Honestly, and writing with both Serena and SP has been a dream. I can’t wait to roll out all the things we’ve plotted between Toni and SP, and developing that rich friendship between Serena and Toni. The things that Serena and Vanessa should have been in the show, had the show been kind to us! Really, you’re fun to write with, and I love having you around.

@ragingicarus - Cries, I miss you load and loads and loads, you sweet human bean! I really want you to know that you’re treasured and loved and that writing Toni and John has been so much fun. I can’t wait to jump back in it with you, and want you to know that whenever you’re ready, I’m so so so ready! Missing you darling! And here’s to a new year full of fabulousness!!

@bubblegumxveil - J, my J~ you’re always out here with a cheerful word and a happiness to all that you do. Even when things are shit you always manage to have such a mature outlook, and I appreciate the hell out of that in you. Thank you for always thinking of me this year, and I hope you know that you’re really great and I appreciate the crap out of you. I hope next year is brilliant for you and you find your happiness the way you hope to find it!

@rxvenhairedprincess - To LA, my princess. I’m really proud of you this year... and thankful, because I know that I can be really blunt, but you’ve taken everything in stride. You’ve seen happiness and are turning so much into your happiness into a day to day thing. It makes me happy and heartened to see that growth in the last year and am really genuinely happy to have you here as apart of my little crew. You’re a good egg LA! Please always keep that in mind.

@swcctserpent / @mcntlethemagnificent / @fairriverdale - Chace! We missed each other in Sydney, but no matter, it does nothing to dull the brilliance in you. Thank you for being so great with both your muses and your own self, in helping give me some perspective when I’m a bit unhappy or unsure about what I want to write, thank you for being around, and thanks for being apart of the Riverdale community. I hope next year is a good one for you!

@snakeblccded - Your Charles is so much fun! And I’m happy you picked him up - really really, I’m happy to have him around and to write out all the good and uncertainty within his life out there on the edges. It’s an amazing thing to find someone who’s able to take what few details that are out there and turn that into writing gold, so really, that’s so cool of you. Can’t wait to see what we see in the new year together!

@wlftempr / @blackhearttm - Couldn’t forget you! I love having all your muses around, from the fatherliness of Alex, to... well, Toni and Spencer being wild. I’m sorry I haven’t been around lately because of vacation, but know that I love writing with you and appreciate you. Like I said on that call we had, I hope that you ended this year in a position where you feel happy and appreciated in your life, because you deserve that. I can’t wait to write with you more too! To a new year!

@uncivilizes - Such a random person to have found in the indie rp tag but wow am I glad! You write John like... holy shit amazing, and even though we haven’t done a ton of writing yet, you really perfectly capture his essence, and I can’t wait to do more over the coming year. I wanted to make sure you knew I appreciated and saw that shit in you!

#( milestones ) &&. in my feelings

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