#Bank of Dave 2

[bob-the-movie-man-film-reviews]

Bank of Dave 2: The Loan Ranger - Fighting the Financial Scum of the Earth.

One Mann's Movies FIlm Review of "Bank of Dave 2: The Loan Ranger": Repetitive and forced British sequel. 2/5.

A One Mann’s Movies review of “Bank of Dave 2: The Loan Ranger” (2025). As a pleasant, wholesome and uplifting film, 2023’s “Bank of Dave” ticked all of the boxes and got my vote (well, 3.5/5 worth of vote). Not wishing to let a gift horse go out to pasture, Netflix have doubled down with a second film about the real(-ish)-life financial adventures of Dave Fishwick. But, sadly, “Bank of Dave 2:…

[tgcg]

HAPPY NRW YEAR

happy new year

[lvrsparadise]

Lovers Paradise ★

★★★

Hi! My name is Lily !

Fandoms I'll write for !

ITSV + ATSV (current hyper fixation)

Teen wolf | The Maze Runner | The artful dodger | The Vampire Diaries | The Queen’s Gambit | Scream | Avatar | Kick-Ass | Titans | Marvel | TASM | X-Men | Bullet Train | OBX | Pretty Little Liars | Riverdale | Wednesday | Fast and Furious | 10 things I hate about you | Jake and Johnnie | Sam and Colby | Why Don't We | Sturniolo Triplets | The Originals | And It !

I'll also write for the actors !

About me! ★

My favorite season is fall !

I'm 15 !

My birthday is October 1st !

I'm a Matt girl (since day one) !

My favorite artist is Childish Gambino !

My favorite song is Confident by Justin Bieber !

My current favorite book series is the Crave series by Tracy Wolff !

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I hope everyone reading this has a wonderful day and / or night ! Remember to take care of yourself and I love y'all ! ★

[flixhqmovies]

Bank Of Dave 2: The Loan Ranger comes with a warning… The first voice and face you see and hear belongs to British troublemaker Alison Hammond. She appeared on Big Brother 3 in 2002, jumping on and off tables, smashing and crashing through them, and hasn't disappeared from our TV screens since.

I have no idea why she's still there.

But the purpose she shares here seems to be an interview she did on ITV's This Morning with Dermot O'Leary, apparently.

But once the actual film begins, you get the impression that the script is just explaining the basics with as many plot twists as possible. Not everyone knows what a short-term loan company is, but when Dave's friend Oliver (Amit Shah - Paddington in Peru) explains it, everything is discussed in nonsensical, overly explanatory terms.

I know Netflix has to cover every media outlet in the world, but this initiative, which began over a decade ago and has been largely eliminated, sounds more like two friends quoting from a pamphlet than talking. A simple conversation. Banking on Dave 2: The Lone Ranger, available on Free Flixhq, continues to feel like a bit of a formulaic plot, such as when Jessica (Chrissy Metz), an American journalist, is invited to England by Dave to investigate a short-term loan scandal. After a long flight, he immediately takes her to his hometown of Burnley for five minutes, then drops her off at his hotel, hoping she'll be refreshed the next morning. There will be jet lag for weeks!

This film also seems to be largely fiction. Following the basic premise already known, it uses a fictional US correspondent to accuse Dave Fishwick of money laundering while the head of the payday loan company Carlo Mancini (Rob Delaney - Deadpool and Wolverine) turns out to be the bad guy. The actor has a moustache and doesn't shave. Unfortunately, what we are left with is an incredibly boring, run-of-the-mill movie, completely predictable and with a fictional romance, a fictional court case and the appearance of Def, inserted to extend the running time. Leopard, that was never involved! Plus, if Dave indicated that he was going to take on the debts of everyone who was scammed by these companies, surely he would go bankrupt?! And judging realistically, he only did it for three people in total in the end.

Now, I might say something that will shock you, but I didn't have time to watch the first film from January 2023. But I watched the original documentary on Mr. Fishwick that aired on Channel 4 at the time, as well as countless interviews, so I know all the positives he claims.

But the film also included a fictional trial and a performance by Def Leppard, so… Bank of Dave 2: The Lone Ranger feels like a remake, like the original was run through an AI program, and now the results. Even if you were simply hoping for a "feel good" film, this is just a lame attempt. Come on, you guys can do better!

Even Rory Kinnear (No Time to Die), who plays Fishwick, shows up to get his paycheck in this film, and it feels like he's on holiday. I wonder if he did it at Dave's Bank?

Meanwhile, "Bank of Dave" isn't a bank; it's actually Burnley Savings and Loan, but Dave Fishwick has written "Bank of Dave" on the roof of the building.

The film is rated for ages 12 and over because Delaney's character uses the F-word several times. This is often done to remove the PG rating so Americans can watch the film, but these words, along with the short, mild PG swearing, are completely useless and should have been removed entirely.

There are no mid-credit or post-credit scenes.

Thanks to our friends at Netflix for providing a pre-release screener.

[cimicherrychanga]

im buyin nipple piercing jewels anyone wanna send me 5-10 bucks so i can afford getting both gothic dangly pairs i like instead of picking just one

[moviereviews101web]

Bank of Dave 2 The Loan Ranger (2025) Movie Review

Bank of Dave 2: The Loan Ranger follows Dave Fishwick's battle against payday lenders while highlighting his commitment to helping the community.

Bank of Dave 2 The Loan Ranger – Movie Review First Reaction – Bank of Dave 2 The Loan Ranger is British spirit and fight against the corruption in the system. Watch Bank of Dave 2 The Loan Ranger on Netflix Now. Director: Chris Foggin Writer: Piers Ashworth (Screenplay) Cast Rory Kinnear (Skyfall) Dan Fogler (The Walking Dead) Amit Shah (Last Christmas) Hugh Bonneville (Paddington in…

[brehaaorgana]

ADHD money/budgeting system I'm currently using for my benefit is going well (I've been using it for like half a year now?), and I wanna recommend it.

You Need a Budget is EXCELLENT. 10/10 do recommend. Uhhh rambling about it and my generic disclaimers + gushing extensively under the cut but TL;DR I think it's great for ADHD ppl, I've used it for 6+ months now and I find it super SUPER helpful. also weirdly fun.

DISCLAIMERS:

Budgeting helps you understand/know your money, it can't make money appear where there is none.

Everyone should learn to budget even if you don't have much money (especially then)

This is NOT a magic trick solution. Just like everything else, it is an assistive tool. This is one of those adult things we can't simply opt out of without negative consequences, though.

My advice is based on something I am currently able to do. That is, I can spend an amount of money on this specific thing that works well for me. If you have no extra money to spend then previously I was tracking things in a notebook. So you can still do this.

I believe Dave Ramsey is a fundie fraud/hack and no one should listen to him about money.

DID YOU KNOW THEY CANCELLED MINT???

Okay? OKAY.

Ahem.

You Need a Budget is EXCELLENT.

It is called YNAB for short. The first 34 days are your free trial, and that is my referral link. If anyone uses it and then signs up for a subscription, we both get a month free. Also you can share a subscription with up to six people (account owner can see everything but individuals can pick and choose what they share amongst each other) so like...idk your whole polycule can be on one account. Or your kids. Whatever.

If you are a student, it's free for a year. If you aren't, a subscription is $99 for a year (paid all at once) or $14.99 monthly, which is equivalent to paying Amazon prime. Go cancel Prime and get this instead tbh.

They got a whole article just on ynab and ADHD. They also have like...a big variety of ways to access their info? They have a book, podcast episodes, YouTube videos, blog posts, q&A's, free live workshops you can join (you can request live captioning), emails they can send (if you want) a wiki, and so on. They got workshops on all kinds of topics!!

So whatever ends up working for your brain. It also has a matching app.

If you lost Mint this year they have a gajillion things for moving from Mint.

Also they have a "got five minutes?" Page which has a slider so you can decide how much attention/time you have before going on lol:

They only have 4 rules of the budget, they're simple and practical, and it doesn't get judgey or like...mean about your spending.

1. Give every dollar a job 2. Embrace your true expenses 3. Roll with the punches 4. Age your money.

THEN THEY BREAK THESE DOWN INTO SMALL STEPS FOR YOU! They even have a printable! Also these rules are great because there's built in expectations that things WILL HAPPEN and it's NOT all or nothing with a fear of total collapse into failure. Reality and The Plan don't always align, especially if you have ADHD. So it's directing our energy towards the true expenses and not clinging to The Plan!! over reality.

You can automate a lot of shit (you can sync with your bank accounts just like mint, but also automate tagging the categories of regular expenses/transactions). And if for whatever reason you accidentally do something that makes the budget look weird or wrong:

A) you can usually fix it somehow OR b) they have like, a button you can press that gives you a clean slate and archives the previous version of the budget for you.

So if you forget for a few weeks or months, or accidentally input something wildly wrong, or just don't want to look at a really terrible month anymore and feel like you need a fresh start you can usually either fix it or start fresh which is really nice.

The app also (for whatever reason) scratches my itch to have things like...have incentives or little game-like goals in a way mint never did? I don't know why. Filling up the bars or putting money into the categories to cover my expenses is satisfying lmao. You can also make a big wish expense category for all the fun shit you want, and fund it whenever you can and then you can see the little bar go up and that's fun.

Anyways I've been using it for like 6+ months now and I think it's really helped me when I use it.

[aurorawritestoescape]

Welcome to my Masterlist, lovely! I hope you’ll enjoy my work<3

Series / Collections

BAD BLOOD - step uncle Joel Miller x f!reader x stepdad Tommy Miller

Summary: you want your stepdad and your step uncle offers to help

KISS KISS BANG BANG - no outbreak Joel Miller x f!reader (bank robbers AU)

Summary: Joel and you live a life full of risk, thrill and danger. Every day can be your last, so you savour every kiss and enjoy each other to the fullest. Can you survive this journey to your dreams?

PERFECT STRANGERS - no outbreak Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: What would you do if you met a perfect stranger? Someone who understands what you've hidden deep inside your soul. The attraction is instant. It's perfect. What if you don't want to be strangers anymore?

HEATWAVE collection - Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: They are horny. They are filthy. They are in love.

It’s a collection of one-shots following the same couple. Every story can be read alone.

A STEP INTO HELL - Stepdad!Joel x f!reader

Summary: after you move into his house, Joel finds himself possessed by the idea of having you. Trying to quench his lustful thirst he decides to get his hands on your nudes. To his surprise he finds something even better.

A collection of smutty stories.

One Shots

Hot shower -pre-outbreak Joel Miller x f!reader pwp

Strawberries and cream- no outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader DDLG

Sweet remedy - no outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader DDLG

A Villain’s Monologue - serial killer!Joel Miller x f!reader dark fic

The Helping Hand - post-outbreak Joel Miller x f!reader somno

Keep On Your Mean Side - post-outbreak Joel Miller x f!reader (written with @milla-frenchy) dark fic

Birthday Surprise - no outbreak Joel Miller x f!reader x Tommy Miller mfm

Jacket -no outbreak Joel Miller x f!reader fluff

The Burglary - burglar!Joel Miller x f!reader x burglar!Tommy Miller (written with @milla-frenchy) dddne, non-con

Flasher - flasher!Joel Miller x f!reader exhibitionism

Flower - post outbreak Joel Miller x f!reader dead dove, dark fic

Bad Girl - Joel Miller x f!reader x Tommy Miller (written with @milla-frenchy) dubcon

Morning Bliss - post outbreak Joel Miller x f!reader smut, fluff

Cockwarming Joel - blurb

Feed Me - Joel x f!reader pwp

His - dark!Joel x f!reader x dark!Tommy x m!OCs DDDNE NON CON

Always and Forever - post outbreak Joel x f!reader angst

Ribbon - Joel x f!reader pwp

Good Girl - Professor Joel Miller x f!reader

American Beauty -best friend’s dad Joel x f!reader part 2 Please, Sir

Take Me smut, angst

Swallow blurb, smut

Joel Miller x f!reader x Dave York mfm

Pt 1 Table for three Pt 2 Who’s your daddy? drabble Get a Taste

I know better than to call you mine fluff, smut

Heatwave pwp

Sweet Cherry virginity loss

In His Arms QZ Joel

Hot for You - drabble

Fill Me Up

Going Down - Joel x reader, Frankie Morales x reader

Wallet Photo - dbf Joel

The Other Brother - twin AU Johnny Miller x reader, Joel x reader

MEOW! - pwp

A Step Into Hell - stepdad!Joel

Craving You - Halloween writing challenge fic

His Star - smut, angst

✨Joel drabble - degradation, sub/dom

✨The Funeral - Joel fucks you at a funeral / drabble

✨ Your Boys - you’re about to spend the night with the Miller brothers feat Tommy Miller

✨Harder Than You Think - Boss!Joel x f!reader- written with @milla-frenchy Non con, dead dove

✨Borrowed Time - Joel and you are enjoying an ideal vacation together. Smut, angst, fluff

✨ Joel’s twin x you - pwp, drabble

✨ Naughty Thoughts - Professor Joel

The Party - dark!Lucien De Leon x f!reader non con

The Beast Within- dark!Ezra x f!reader dark fic

One Shots

The Visit semi-public

Surveillance voyeurism

Drabble based on a gif

Shaving Javi drabble

Steam

✨ Make them kiss you’re riding Javi’s boot smut

Series

The Hounds of Hell - Javi x f!reader x Steve written with @milla-frenchy

Summary: you meet two DEA agents in a bar. You drink too much and they offer to take you home.

Watching You - Dave York x f!reader voyeurism

After Watching you - drabble

Flat line - dark!Dave York x f!reader dark, noncon

Table for three - Dave x reader x Joel mfm

The Devil in Me - devil!Dieter Bravo x actress! reader

SERIES MASTERLIST

Perfect Match Dieter x you x Marcus Pike lactation kink

Other Pedro characters

Hold my hand - Clint x f!reader smut fluff angst

Addicted - Max Phillips x f!reader smut, angst

Destinies Intertwined - General Marcus Acacius x f!reader x Lucilla mff

The Hoodie - blurb

Going Down - Frankie x f!reader, Joel x f!reader

The Photo - you find Frankie’s photo / 580 words

Non Pedro characters

Sunset - boyfriend Billy (Skeleton Twins) x f!reader Boyd Holbrook character, smut

AO3 /not all fics are there

Joel Miller pencil drawing

Javier Peña pencil drawing

I saved her the last of us 2 edit

If I ever were to lose you Joel and Ellie tlou 2

Joel takes you out to dinner - moodboard

Reed Richards edit lockscreen

Pedro Pascal lockscreens 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

Kyle Gallner The Demon lockscreen

[callmebrycelee]

MAN CRUSH MONDAY

LOU FERRIGNO JR.

Louis (Lou) Jude Ferrigno Jr. was born November 10, 1984 in Los Angeles, California. The 39-year-old actor is best known for portraying SWAT team leader and decorated officer Donovan Rocker in the CBS procedure action drama television series S.W.A.T. His other TV credits include Louis in How I Met Your Mother, Deputy Haigh in Teen Wolf, Dave Lancellotti in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Officer Kramer in The Young and the Restless, Jett Masterson in Nicky, Ricky, Dicky & Dawn, firefighter Tommy Kinard in 9-1-1, Weston Wade in Old Flames Never Die, Ryan in Outer Banks, Trent in Resisting Roots, and Jackson Jacobs in Blackout. Lou is 6 feet and 2 inches tall.

[metallicaislife]

metallicaislife masterlist

I mainly write for Metallica, but there will be dustings of Guns 'N Roses(mainly Slash and Duff as that is who I know best in the band) scenarios too.

✨ = fluff

🌹= smut

😿 = sad/angst

METALLICA

Christmas Decorating - Metallica ✨

Cliff Burton

Thin Lizzy and Mary Jane ✨

First Time 🌹

Afternoon Delight 🌹

My Girl ✨

Save a Horse, Ride a Bassist 🌹

Early Morning Surprise 🌹

Tag Team 🌹

Day Trip ✨

Tight Fit 🌹

Birthday Boy ✨🌹

What Flusters Cliff ✨

Making You Feel Good 🌹

What's Your Fantasy? 🌹

Dreams 🌹

Childhood Friends ✨

Cliff Burton Headcanons ✨

Talk is Just Talk, Right? 🌹

James Hetfield

Daydream 😿🌹

Daydream Pt 2 😿✨

Daydream Pt 3 ✨

Been Hiding in Plain Sight ✨

Impatient 🌹

Let Me Take Care of You 🌹✨

What's Your Fantasy? 🌹

Brothers Best Friend ✨

Brothers Best Friend pt 2 ✨

My Nemesis, James Hetfield ✨

My Nemesis, James Hetfield pt 2 ✨

My Nemesis, James Hetfield pt 2 Bloopers ✨

Hey Jealousy 😿✨

Kirk Hammett

The Exorcist ✨

Long Day ✨

Phone Call Confession ✨

Tag Team 🌹

A Steamy Halloween 🌹

Bad Mood 😿✨

Pushed to Confess 🌹

After the Show 🌹

The Photographer and the Guitarist ✨🌹

The Photographer and the Guitarist pt 2 ✨🌹

Introverted 😿✨

Slow Mornings ✨

The Interview 🌹

Arguments 🌹

Birthday Wishes ✨🌹

I Want to Learn 🌹

I Want to Learn pt 2 🌹

Overworked 😿✨

Meet and Greet 🌹

Kirk w/ a Clingy gf Headcanon ✨

Embarrassment Leads to… 🌹

Kirk Hammett Headcanons ✨

Lars Ulrich

The Spank Bank Incident ✨

Being Lars Girl Best Friend Headcanon ✨

Dating Lars Headcanons ✨

Jason Newsted

nothing yet

Rob Trujillo

Dating Current!Rob Trujillo Headcanons ✨

News ✨

Lazy Day In ✨

New Sensations 🌹

Dave Mustaine

Talk is Just Talk, Right? 🌹

GUNS 'N ROSES

Christmas Decorating - Guns N Roses ✨

Duff McKagan

Coconut Tequila ✨

Award Show ✨

Slash

The Unintentional Heartbreaker ✨(mentions spicy but not explicit)

Unwell ✨

[olivia091108]

How to be a jackass:part 1

Summary:meeting bam and Ryan in westchester

Word count:3306

So far filming for season two of jackass has probably been the best time I’ve ever had even though I’m getting injured or pranked every day.

All the guys are great and at first I thought it’s gonna be awkward not only being the new person but being the only girl.Thank god I was wrong for once I don’t think any of them actually cared as long as I actually did gnarly stunts.

The only people I haven’t met are the boys from westchester but Jeff says that we’re gonna film a group stunt with all of us soon.

I’ve done some mediocre stunts like pouting glitter in my eye which didn’t come out for a week and licking a mouse trap Owch. I also did one with wee man where he dressed as a baby and put in a pram and when people would ask to see ‘my baby’ they would be kinda disturbed.

Today I walk on to set and check the stunt list. Today I’m gonna get a pregnant belly strapped to me and walk around town drinking some beer.

——————————————————

Time skip

After getting a mean old lady shouting at me for ‘destroying my baby’ Jeff called all of us over and told us that at 5:30am to meet here because we’re driving to westchester tomorrow.Jeff actually banned us from going out after like we usually would do we finished for the day and I got the bus back to mine and my sisters apartment

Don’t get me wrong I’m excited but really 5:30 I’m sure there’s no harm in waking up later. I walk into the apartment and go to my room to pack since we will be staying there for 5 days.

I walk into my room and start packing stuff but I can’t find one of my favourite tops so I walk into Ella’s room to see if she’s taken it and I barge in without knocking to see her and Oliver mud sex scrambling to cover themselves with the sheet.

“Get out!”

“In a sec do you have my blue top the one with the buttons”

“Are you serio-“ I sigh and lean against the wall and she knows I won’t leave until she gives it to me. “It’s in my closet” I walk over and grab it off the hanger and scrunch it up in my hands

“Oh yeah by the way I’m gonna be gone for a few day”

“Leave!” She throws a pillow at me but I dick out the room before it can hit me

An hour later ella and Oliver knock on my door and wait for me to reply before walking in with very serious looks on both their faces.

Y/n we need to talk to you about something. You can’t just walk in without knocking we don’t have any privacy with you.

Alright I’ll knock next time

“It’s not just the knocking you always come home late and wreck the houses remember you broke olis computer at like 5:30 you never clean up after yourself and we just think that you should move back with mum and dad because we can’t keep living with you.”

“What your kicking me out I pay rent here”

“You don’t even pay a quarter y/n your’e basically living here for free.I rang dad he said it was fine you moving back soon”

“You know I can’t do that el”

“You could always get your’e own place I could help you have the money know”

“Fuck you. you know what I’ll leave right now.” I grab all my clothes in my wardrobe and try to shove it into my small suitcase and mange to mostly zip it and I grab a few personal thing and hold my piggy bank under my arm before leaving

It might’ve been a irrational idea because now I have nowhere to stay for the night and I can’t go to my parents not how I left there

It’s 1am I might as well go to set and wait till morning but with busses not running I have to walk 5 miles uptown.

Once I get there I only have to wait 2 and a half hours so I set my suitcase down and use it as a seat I dig around in my pocket for the taser I took from Johnny just in case.

I feel a hand grab me and by instinct Tase whoever it was. By the time my eyes have adjusted I realise I must’ve fallen asleep and everyone’s here to go to westchester.

While Jeff is complaining the taser Dave asks if I’ve been here all night. Nah I just thought I should get here early yknow only been here half hour.

We separate into 3 cars to get there and I’m in with Johnny Dave and wee man. I’m in the back with Dave and decide to use the 6 hour car drive as an opportunity for some sleep since I got 2 hours max last night.

—————————————————-

I wake up not being able to breathe and feeling plastic on my face I try and pry one of my friends hands off of me but it’s no use and I have to rip the plastic bag now being able to breathe properly

I hear Knoxville’s laugh and a Camrea is pointed in my face all that adrenaline woke me up quick but I’m still not wide awake and I just flip him off while sitting up and stretching being confined in a car really isn’t the most comfortable thing in the world.

“Cmon y/n we’re here grab your bags.” I take my almost bursting suitcase and walk it into the large house we will be staying at. I hear taking and follow it to the living room seeing Johnny talking to the two boys I recognise from episodes but still haven’t met.

Jeff introduces them the one with the dark hair and blue eyes is bam and the blonde one with a beard is called Ryan. We all introduce ourselves and start chatting and getting to know eatch other. Another girl is here called Jenn she’s bams girlfriend she seems nice but I haven’t spoken to her much

I excuse myself to the bathroom and i see a blonde lady in the kitchen and ask her if she needs a hand. If you don’t mind that would be great

“I’m April bams mum it’s so nice to have you all hear but I am a bit worried honestly”

“Im y/n thanks for letting us stay and I promise I will try to protect you and your house.”

Me and April talk about all kinds of things and I soon meet her husband Phil who is such a sweetheart and it makes me feel even worse for him seeing how bam treats him.

I’m sorry your supposed to be getting to know eatchother and I’ve stolen you away thanks for your help with the dinner.

“Oh it’s no worries you seem wayy more interesting than them boys.”

Speaking of Chris has snuck up behind me and lifted me up and body slammed me onto one of the sofas it wouldn’t of hurt that bad if people weren’t sitting on it.

I sit up and move off of whoever I fell on and jsut laugh it off and I start talking to Ryan about some of his stunts and his life and what not. While telling me about cky videos and high school with his friends bam started to join in adding to the story.

After an hour of talking to the two of them we got along really well and had quite a few things in common with them. We got called for dinner and while I was eating I could feel myself drifting off even though I slept in the car for 6 hours.

I ended up face planting into the food which made everyone laugh and while I used the bottom of my shirt to wipe it off the topic of rooms came up.

Some people were gonna have to share because there’s not enough rooms Steve o and pontius are sharing as well as Dave and ehren. Johnny is with me and wee man and Preston are together.

We all go to our rooms and get unpacked and settled. “Yknow we’re only here for 5 days don’t you”.

“Can’t a girl have options” i didn’t want to tell Johnny about getting kicked out I just wanted to have fun here. While I get changed into my pjamas I get into bed and shut my eyes trying to fall asleep but either from the excitement of tomorrow or because I napped today I couldn’t.

I looked at the clock and it was 12:34 Knoxville was asleep by now I could tell by his heavy breathing. I decided to go downstairs and have some water so I snuck out of my room and when I got downstairs I see Jenn down their about to leave

“How come you aren’t staying?”

“Bams just being a bit of a dick right now but I’ll see you in a couple days bye”

I sit in the kitchen having some water and once I’ve finished I still don’t feel like sleeping so I decide to look around. As best as you can in the dark. I quietly open the front door and step into the garden it had a skate ramp and a swimming pool in it. I went to go back inside but the door is locked I’m not gonna ring the doorbell or id wake everyone up.

I walk round the back and I see a window open so I jump from the ramp to the roof and pull myself up I walk along to reach the window but I see something move next to me. It’s a squirrel. Shit I’m fucking terrified of them they’re Satan reincarnated.

“Oh my god oh my god stop”I try to move as quick as I can to the window and quickly climb in to the room and close the window quietly while repeating those words.

“Jenn I told you to go away”bam room shit. I don’t answer and attempt to just get out of the room but I step on something and it slips out from under me and I fall onto the bed.

“Shit sorry.” Bam leans over and turns his bedside lamp on and rub his eyes. “What are you doing”

“I got locked out of the house then I had to climb threw your’e window to get away from the squirrel like I said sorry and night.”

“Are you on something” bam asks not believing me. I pull a confused face not knowing why he would be confused. “ why were you running from a squirrel?”

“Cos they’re fucking scary haven’t you seen Charlie and the chocolate factory?” At my distress yknow way he does. Laugh.I soon join in and we’re just sat they’re laughing together in His room.

Once the laughing stops he breaks the silence. “How did you even get up here?”bam asks thinking back on my story “I jumped off your ramp.you any good at skating”

“Yeah pretty good you?”

“Stepped foot on one once and fell onto someone’s bed. It seems pretty cool other than that though”

“I could teach you sometime.”

“I’ll hold you to that bam” me and bam speak about anything and everything with me now sitting above his covers on his bed and we switched the lamp off.

He tells me all about his family and when he asks about mine something in the room shifts it’s awkward.

Well I actually left home when I was 16 because me and my mum never got along she always preferred my sister i always hung out with my dad but I didn’t have many friends but these girls invited me to hangout with them and I snuck out an we went to some abandoned school and we would go there smoke some weed and whatever and once we were spray painting and the police turned up my friends ran and a policeman got me and I kicked him in the balls and they took me to jail and when my mum got that call she went crazy she said she was so disappointed in what I’ve become and that she won’t bail me out because she didn’t actually want me to come home. My dad eventually came in and took me home but I got there and my room was all boxed up and she kicked me out and said she didn’t want to see me again so I moved in with my sister.

“I’m really sorry I didn’t know”

“Yeah well how could you I don’t tell anybody so I’m could u try not to mention that”

“Pinky promise”we interlock pinkies and I kiss my hand and he copies.the conversation moves on and soon enough we’re shushing the other to stop Laughing until I notice the clock and see that it’s 2:12 and I can tell bams tired and I am as well.

“Wait y/n it was cool talking to you and if you need to talk I’m always here.” I grab a pillow an throw it at hand face. Don’t get all sappy now bam I thought you were supposed to be a cool skater boy.

I leave and head back to my room and wriggle into bed having to shove Johnny over a bit and for a second I lay there thinking about bam and how much I trusted him I wonder what tomorrow will be like before I know it I’m out like a light.

This one was acc really long

Omg guys I’m so pissed I wrote this like a week ago but I didn’t press save and I LOST RVEYTHUNG the first one was way better

Requests always open

-liv

[sergeifyodorov]

In my relatively short career as A Guy Who Watches Hockey Games (In Person) I have realized that there is in fact a "bucket list" of things a person wishes to see. Some things -- a goalie goal, for example -- are so infinitesimally unlikely you can't really bank on ever getting to see one; if you went to a game where a goalie scored a goal, You won hockey, doesn't matter what the score was. It is not my mission to see one of these, but here's what I actually do want to see:

Every currently operating Great One (Ovechkin, Crosby, McDavid, Matthews, Bedard). I have seen 2/5 -- Bedard and Matthews (in the same game, even -- went to Leafs/Hawks in Chicago). It brings me great pleasure to note that I have seen rookie Connor Bedard. It was from very far away (press box seats. thanks dave!!! <- not sarcasm i had a lot of fun) but I can confirm he is that tiny IRL. The hope is to see at least one more this season; the Caps come to Ottawa (my current home arena, and there is no way I'm paying for Leafs home tickets) twice in January, and I might see the Pens in Detroit also.

Speaking of AM34 I would like to see him score a GOAL. Auston that's basically your whole thing. Auston please. Your goals

I have seen two hat tricks (Mika Zibanejad JIMMY VESEY!??? pre-COVID when i did Not care about hockey, Jason Dickinson in the aforementioned Leafs/Hawks game). I would like to see a hat trick from someone i CARE about oh my god.

This is not a bucket list item but I have been going around telling people I saw a Mika Zibanejad hat-trick this whole fucking time and it was JIMMY VESEY????? Mika got 3 assists and I think I remembered him more than Jimmy FUCKING Vesey because Jimmy Vesey is (as established in iconic piece of 21st century tragedy filmmaking All or Nothing: Toronto Maple Leafs) vanilla as fuck and Mika has a name and identity that really clicks with you when you are 15 and only at this hockey game because you're on spring break vacation with your absent father and he really likes hockey. Jimmy fucking Vesey

This is an internal betrayal of the highest degree.

I would like to see a fun comeback; either the home team at a game where I am a neutral party, or the Leafs.

I want to see a game at everyone's home stadium. Currently at 4/32 (MSG, Scotiabank, CTC, United Center (NYR/TOR/OTT/CHI))

I don't care about normal fights (half a lie; they're fun but not a bucket list item) but I would kill to see a goalie fight

A playoff game. Ideally one where the Leafs win, but I will take what I can get

A playoff game that goes into at least double OT. This is technically separate from the previous statement but combined would be fun.

This is a rare one: I want to be at one of those games that you can refer to in shorthand and everyone who's a serious fan will go oh, That game. Like not "They lost in OT in Chicago and some dude scored a hat-trick and Willy's point streak broke" shorthand. "10-7 in Detroit" shorthand. "Steve Dangle's most viewed video" shorthand. Post-a-screenshot-and-people-know type of shorthand. Good or bad. I just want it to be weird

[sequinsmile-x]

300

Emily, Aaron and their love as observed by their friends.

AKA - the five times the team see them love each other, and the one time they don't even try to hide it.

My 300th Hotchniss fic

Part 1/2

-x-

Hi friends,

I truly cannot believe we are here, that I have written 300(!!) fics about these two idiots. I went back and forth a lot on what to write for this, but I got an ask requesting a fic where the team see these two being all soft with each other and it's perfect. A return to my fluffy roots.

Thank you so much for still being here, for interacting with my fics and still making me feel nothing short of giddy whenever I get a comment or kudos. Writing makes me feel better, and it never gets any less amazing when people tell me my writing helps them too.

Anyway, here is part 1 of this two 2 part fic to celebrate this milestone. Part 2 will be up in the next day or so.

Here's to the next 300! <3

-x-

Words: 5.3k

Warnings: None!

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

Dave

He smiles as he looks around his backyard, a mix of happiness and scotch making his skin fizz as he watches his friends have fun. 

It was something they’d all needed after another day full of close calls. Their jobs had always been dangerous, had always come with the risk of one of them getting hurt, but ever since Emily had died, since they’d had to bury her, it all felt sharper. He’d come to wonder at the end of those long seven months when she was dead to everyone other than JJ and Aaron if something was up, if he had the full truth, but even when she walked into the conference room he hadn’t quite believed it. 

“I’ve got to say,” Emily says, walking over to him as if he’d summoned her by thinking about her, a wry smile on her face, “I’m impressed at how quickly you pulled all of this together.”

Dave takes a sip of his drink as he looks at her, “It helps to have connections.” 

Her smile turns mischievous, a spark in it he worried he’d never see again for a while. She’d been different when she came back, wearing her trauma, the things she’d somehow survived, as a veil. Something that kept her further back from them all than she had once been. Then something had changed out of seemingly nowhere, her smile was real again. She joined in when Derek and Spencer were playing pranks on each other. He chastised himself for not putting two and two together, for not realising her shift in behaviour matched up with Aarons, how they both seemed happier than he had ever known them. 

It was only when they told them that they were together that the pieces fell into place. He’d claimed to already know, something Emily rolled her eyes at immediately, but they’d covered it well. Even now he had to watch closely to see the small moments between them. It didn’t surprise him, they were both intensely private even separately, so together they’d go to lengths to protect their relationship - even from those who cared about them. 

If he hadn’t already known about them, if they hadn’t finally admitted to the change in their relationship just a couple of weeks ago, he would have figured it out the moment Emily stepped into the bank. Aaron had been beside himself, a tension in his shoulders and jaw that Dave hadn’t seen in years. When Emily emerged from the bank, okay but shaken, she’d all but thrown herself into Aaron’s arms, their embrace tight as they whispered things no one else could hear to each other. 

“I guess it also helps that you’ve planned four weddings before,” she quips, and he rolls his eyes, shaking his head at her.

“Three,” he corrects, “I’ve been married three times.”

She shrugs playfully, suppressing her smile as she presses her lips together, “Sorry. Three.” 

His response is cut off as Aaron walks over, a smile on his face as he passes Emily a glass of wine. 

“Here you go, sweetheart,” he says, his smile getting wider as she looks at him. It’s as if they briefly forget anyone else is around when their eyes meet, so focused on each other that Dave thinks he could catch fire and they wouldn’t notice. 

Emily smiles softly and presses a kiss to Aaron’s cheek, side steeping a little closer to him so she can wrap her arm around his waist, “Thanks, honey.” 

Dave can’t help but smile as he watches them, how Aaron wraps his arm around her shoulders, his palm against her bare arm as he smiles at her. They were being affectionate with each other in a way they usually would be, encouraged by a mix of alcohol and the remnants of the danger she’d been in earlier, and it only confirms what he already knew.

They were in love with each other. 

Emily frowns at him when she turns and looks at him to find that he is still watching them, “What?” 

He shakes his head and clears his throat, “Nothing.” 

She narrows her eyes but turns back to Aaron, tilting her head as their eyes meet, “Want to dance?” 

Aaron hesitates, grimacing slightly as he looks towards the dance floor, “I’m not a big dancer, Em.” 

She places her hand on his chest, her fingers playing with the open neck of his collar, and she bats her eyelashes, something Dave can see from where he’s standing, “Come on, please. For me.” 

Aaron sighs and shakes his head, “Fine, for you,” he says, pressing a kiss to her lips before he shifts his hand to her lower back to turn her towards the dance floor. He turns and looks at Dave over his shoulder and looks pointedly at his friend, “Don’t say a word.”

He holds up his hand in defence and smiles, “Wouldn’t dare.” 

He can’t help but watch as they dance together, again lost in their own little world as they move around the dance floor. Aaron whispers something that makes Emily laugh, her head turned towards him as she captures his lips in a kiss, either not caring or not realising that everyone is looking over at them curiously. 

As he walks towards the bar for another drink, he can’t help but wonder if this was the only wedding he’d be hosting in his backyard for his friends. 

___

JJ

She grimaces as she slams down the empty shot glass, shaking her head as the liquor burns her throat. 

“Another round?” 

JJ groans as she looks up at Penelope, shaking her head vehemently, the movement making her feel briefly even drunker, “Absolutely not.” 

Emily sips her beer, her face covered in a scowl as she tries to chase away the taste of the absinthe, “I’m with JJ,” she says, clearing her throat, “Is it just me, or did absinthe used to go down a little easier?” 

“It’s not just you,” JJ assures her, and they both chuckle. Penelope huffs and sits back down, rolling her eyes at her friends.

“You two used to be fun.” 

Emily chuckles and places her hand on Penelope’s arm, “We’re still fun,” she insists, “But Aaron is on his way to pick me up and I really don’t want to throw up in his car.” 

JJ can’t help but smile as her friend mentions her boyfriend, how her eyes light up slightly, her usual ability to school her features inhibited by the number of shots Penelope had forced on them. In the two months they’d known about Aaron and Emily they’d given very little away about their relationship. They kept it to themselves, to the point where often if JJ didn’t know they were together she wouldn’t see it. They’d always been private, and even tonight Emily hadn’t said much, no matter how much Penelope tried to pry information out of her. 

She was happy for Emily, and for Aaron too, delighted that they’d found the happiness that they deserved after everything they’d been through. 

At the mention of Aaron and Emily’s relationship, Penelope immediately lights up, her nose scrunching up slightly, “It’s still so weird to hear you call him that.” 

Emily smiles and furrows her brow, “What, Aaron?” She asks teasingly, sipping her beer as her smile turns mischievous, “Did you really expect me to call him Hotch after we started fuc-”

“Okay, stop,” Penelope says, shivering slightly, “I don’t like to think of him like that,” she says dramatically, “I’d prefer to carry on thinking of him as a once a year, in the dark and under the covers kind of guy.”

Emily laughs, throwing her head back as she does so, the sound loud and joyful as it escapes her, “I can assure you Pen, that absolutely is not the case.” 

JJ looks up as she hears the door to the bar open and she spots Aaron walking in, and she waves him over. It catches Emily’s attention and she looks over her shoulder, her smile impossibly wide as she turns back around and gets out of her chair. 

JJ watches as Emily bounds over to Aaron, slightly unsteady on the high heels she’d been complaining about all night. She wraps her arms around Aaron the moment she makes it to his side, and his hands land on her waist, steadying her as she almost stumbles against him. She stamps her lips against his, and JJ has to hide a laugh behind her drink when Aaron pulls back, his eyes nervously darting over to her and Penelope. Emily leads him over, both of her arms wrapped around one of his as he smiles slightly awkwardly, endearing in a way that JJ wouldn’t have expected. 

“Hello Sir,” Penelope says, sitting up straight, clearly trying to act more sober than she was. 

Aaron chuckles lightly and shakes his head, “Hi,” he says, looking back and forth between the two of them, “You don’t have to call me Sir we’re not at work.” 

Emily chuckles and buries her face in his shoulder, kissing him through the thin material of his shirt. He pulls her slightly closer, his hand running up and down her side, and it’s something thats so tender, so soft, JJ aches. It was all the proof she needs that this was it for them, that they truly were the happy ending they both deserved. 

“Do either of you need me to take you home?” He asks, clearing his throat and attempting to hide a smile as Emily clearly grabs his ass, her well known tactile nature when she was drunk making an appearance. 

JJ shakes her head, “No, thank you though. Will is already on his way and he’s going to drop Pen home too.” 

He smiles and nods and looks down at Emily, his smile adoring as she looks up at him,” You ready to go?” 

She nods and looks over at her friends, waving goodbye instead of hugging them like she usually would, seemingly unable to tear herself away from her boyfriend. 

“Let me know when you’re home, okay?” She says, and both JJ and Penelope nod, she smiles at them once more before she and Aaron turn around and leave. JJ watches them until they are no longer in the bar, disappearing into the night outside. 

“They are adorable,” Penelope says and JJ smiles as she looks at her. 

“They really are,” she agrees and then she feels her phone vibrate in her pocket, and she pulls it out to see a message from Will, “Oh Will is here.” 

They finish their drinks and head outside. She smiles as she spots her husband leaning against his car, his arms crossed over his chest and a smile on his face. 

“Hi darling,” he says, smiling as she walks over and kisses him, “Did you ladies have fun?” 

She smiles as Penelope stumbles as she tries to get into the back of the car, “Some of us more than others.” 

She walks around the car to get into the passenger side and she hears a laugh that sounds a lot like Emily’s. She follows the sound and freezes when she sees her, happily on Aaron’s back as he gives her a piggyback. Aaron is walking towards his car, Emily’s shoes in one hand and the other one of her legs, securing her to his back as she leans in, her lips against his ear as she laughs. 

It was something she wouldn’t believe happened if she hadn’t seen it herself, a playful moment between two people who so rarely showed that side of them, but it was also full of love and tender care. She can imagine Emily complaining that her feet hurt and Aaron immediately offering to help. 

“Ready to go darling?” Will asks, pulling her out of what she was watching and she turns to look at him and smiles as she climbs into the car. 

She tries to spot them again but can’t and she sighs happily as she settles into her seat, happiness for her friends warming her from the inside out. 

___

Spencer 

He was always the first to the jet. 

It was a pattern he knew well. He’d be there first, then Aaron. Then JJ, Dave and Derek in that order. Emily was always last, never late but always last, a smile on her face as Dave inevitably made a comment about it. 

It was the first thing he’d noticed. Emily suddenly started arriving just a few minutes after Aaron, an air about her that Spencer hadn’t seen since Ian Doyle had torn through their lives. He couldn’t place it, his curiosity mostly focused on why she was all of a sudden consistently showing up to work just after Aaron, disrupting the pattern he’d long since relied on. It’s only when he spots Aaron sneaking out of Emily’s room one morning, Spencer’s morning hunt for coffee interrupted as he hid out of the way so the other man didn’t spot him, that he put it together. 

They were seeing each other. 

After that, he noticed so much more. How they’d sit next to each other at every given opportunity, how they’d seek each other out in a room, a tension in their shoulders until they saw each other. They were both undeniably happier, and for a reason he didn’t understand keeping it to themselves. He kept the secret for them, never hinting that he knew, even when they finally told the team that they were together he simply smiled and nodded, aware that no one would have expected him to pick up on it anyway. 

He checks his watch and looks at the time, huffing out a breath. He looks out the window and, right on schedule, he spots Aaron and Emily on the tarmac. They’d dropped any pretence that they weren’t travelling in together the moment they told them all about their relationship a few months ago. He watches them curiously as they stop a few feet short of the steps leading up to the jet. 

Aaron has both of their go bags slung over his shoulder and they are holding hands. Emily lifts their joint hands to her lips and kisses the back of his hand, smiling as she says something Spencer can’t hear before she leans in and stamps a kiss to Aaron’s lips. He then pulls her into a hug, his hand running up and down her back for a moment before he says something too, kissing her cheek before he pulls away. 

They step apart from each other, and Spencer realises that he’s watching them switch from Aaron and Emily into Hotch and Prentiss, a transition that appears seamless as Emily walks up the stairs to the jet first. Aaron just behind her, her bag over his shoulder the only sign that they were anything other than colleagues.

“Morning, Spence,” Emily says, smiling as she steps onto the jet slipping into the seat opposite him. 

“Morning,” he replies, flashing a smile at her as Aaron places their bags in the overhead compartments, and he nods as they make eye contact, “Hotch.” 

“Morning Reid,” he says, his smile turning slightly soft as he looks at Emily, “Coffee?” 

She nods, “Yes please.” 

Aaron turns to go to the kitchenette but turns back, “Reid?” 

He shakes his head and holds up the coffee he had in his hands, “I’m good, thank you.” 

Aaron disappears behind the curtain and Emily turns to look at Spencer, smiling curiously as their eyes meet, “You okay?” 

They smile at each other. Spener had never had a sister, but he wondered if this is what it felt like to have one. He’d mourned Emily in a way that still hurt if he thought about it, the loss of her leaving a hole in his chest that he still felt at times. He loved her as a friend, as someone he knew he could trust with his life, and he wanted nothing more than for her to be happy. 

He nods and clears his throat, “Yeah, I’m okay,” he replies, smiling at his friend, his lips pressed together as he tries to figure out what to say, “I’m…I’m happy for you and Hotch.”

She smiles, her cheeks going slightly red as she avoids eye contact and looks at the table between them, “Oh,” she says, biting her lower lip “Thank you. I’m happy for us too.” 

Aaron walks back out, unaware of the moment he’d walked in on and he places a cup of coffee in front of Emily before placing his down. 

“Don’t panic,” he says dryly as he sits down next to her, “But they ran out of Splenda,” he says and she scoffs, but before she can say anything Aaron reaches into the pocket of his suit jacket and pulls out two single serve packets of Splenda and places them in front of her, “Good thing I came prepared.”

“My hero,” She gasps playfully, the sound turning into a chuckle as she kisses his cheek, seemingly briefly forgetting where they were, Aaron smiles and clears his throat, looking quickly at Spencer, and Emily does the same, clearing her throat as she sits backwards, “Thanks for the coffee,” she says, smiling as she tears the packets open, paying attention to her drink as she adds the sweetener in, her smile turning playful as she looks back up at him, “Hotch.”

They look at each other in a way that Spencer doesn’t entirely understand, smiles passing over both of their faces very briefly before Aaron responds. 

“You’re welcome, Prentiss.” 

___

Penelope 

She was excited to spend the weekend with Sergio. 

Penelope hadn’t wanted to give him back to Emily at first, knowing she’d miss the company of the adorable black cat, but she knew it was the right thing to do. He was Emily’s pet, a piece of normality she deserved after everything she’d been through. 

So when Emily asked if she’d watch Sergio for the weekend since she knew she was going away with Aaron and Jack, a weekend away just the three of them, she’d jumped at the chance. She’d got out all of the bits and pieces she’d bought when she had Sergio, meaning all she needed to get from Emily was the carrier and Sergio himself. 

Penelope knocks on Emily’s front door and waits patiently for a few seconds as the door opens. Emily smiles as she pulls it open, stepping back to let Penelope in.

“Pen, hi,” she says, looking as gorgeous as ever, even though she was simply wearing her pjyamas made of a t-shirt and leggings. She was fresh out of the shower, her hair damp against her large light grey t-shirt, darker patches of material over her shoulders wetted by her hair, “Good timing, I only just got out of the shower.” 

Penelope chuckles as she looks around, keeping an eye out for the cat, “Where’s my man?” 

“Well-” she starts, but she’s cut off as Aaron walks into the room, his hair equally as wet as Emily’s, with Sergio in his arms, the cat laying in his embrace like a baby, his black paws reaching up for his face. 

“Em, someone’s acting up. I think he knows we’re going away for the…” he says, trailing off when he realises they aren’t alone, his back immediately straightening as he looks at Penelope, “Garcia,” he says, clearing his throat when Emily raises an amused eyebrow at him, a reminder of a conversation Penelope hadn’t been privy to, “I mean, Penelope. Hi.” 

She suppresses a smile at how uncomfortable he clearly is, and she decides to be as calm about this as possible, knowing if she made too big a deal of seeing this tiny insight into their lives they’d both clam up. 

“Sir…Hotch,” she says, watching as Emily walks over to Aaron and leans against him, taking the opportunity to scratch Sergio under his chin, “I didn’t realise you’d be here.”

“Well,” he says, shrugging slightly, “Jack is with Jessica this evening, so I thought I’d help Emily with her packing for our trip.” 

Emily scoffs playfully, “I can pack by myself.” 

“Sure, sweetheart,” he says, seemingly more relaxed by the second. Penelope can’t help but look at them, how comfortable they are together, how easy it seems for them to be around each other. She feels almost giddy as she imagines their future, a baby in Aaron’s embrace instead of Sergio, and she has to shake her head at herself to stop herself from getting carried away. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen Sergio more relaxed,” Penelope says, laughing as the cat stretches as if he knew he was being spoken about. 

“Oh, Aaron is his favourite person in the whole world now,” Emily says, taking the cat from Aaron, laughing when he tries to scramble back into his arms, “We’ve been replaced, Pen.” 

“This is such a betrayal, Serg,” she gasps playfully as she takes the cat from Emily, scratching his head, and when she looks back up Aaron has his arm wrapped around Emily again, his hand against a t-shirt Penelope now realises must be his. 

“In Sergio’s defence,” Emily says, her palm on Aaron’s chest, “He does give excellent hugs.” 

They all stand in silence for a few moments and Penelope just takes the chance to watch them together, how they look at each other as if no one else was in the room. She wishes she’d meddled more years ago when she first brought up the option of Aaron as a potential date to Emily. She wanted them to have had this for so much longer than the six months they had, but she also knows that they needed to get to where they were now for this to work, that the timing was right. They’d survived everything they had to make it here. 

“I’ll make sure to send you pictures of him whilst you’re gone,” she says, scratching Sergio’s head, “As long as you do the same,” she adds, laughing as she winks at them. 

Emily laughs and walks over, hugging her friend and leaning in to kiss Sergio’s head, her voice low and conspiratory, but purposely loud so Aaron still hears her, “I’ll get a picture on the beach for you.” 

Aaron rolls his eyes lovingly but doesn’t say anything as he hands over the cat carrier, holding it open as Penelope puts Sergio inside of it. 

“Have a lovely weekend,” she says, picking up the carrier, “I’ll make sure no cases come through.”

“Penelope…” Aaron says warningly, his tone lost as Emily talks over him.

“Thank you, you’re the best.” 

They exchange goodbyes, and as she leaves she turns back and catches sight of them before the door closes. Aaron wraps his arm around Emily, her surprised yelp ringing out in the hallway before the door shuts, and she just about sees him lean in to kiss her before they disappear from view. 

Sergio meows from his carrier and Penelope looks down at him before she starts heading towards the elevator, “Come on Serg, I think it’s time I start getting you ready to be a big brother.” 

She wondered if it was too early to plan a bachelorette party for her friend before she was even engaged.  

___

Derek

He knows he’s the one who struggled with their relationship the most. 

Everyone else was happy, almost giddy, when Emily and Aaron told them they were together, but it had left him with a bitter taste on his tongue. The fallout of finding out about Emily’s past, and the decisions she’d made, were still difficult for him to grapple with. He didn’t know how to feel about the fact she’d ended up with their boss, the man who had led them all to believe she was dead for seven months, so he’d distanced himself from them both. 

His mother had always taught him if he didn’t have something nice to say, he shouldn’t say it at all, so he says nothing. He knows neither of them are stupid, that they would have picked up on his feelings about it all, but they don’t say anything either, nothing more than a sharp look Aaron would send in his direction if he blew Emily off when she asked if he wanted to get a drink after work. 

Derek listens as Penelope gushes over them, how she whispers to him about what they’d been like when she went to pick up Sergio just a few weeks before, how she even bets him $50 that Emily and Aaron are the real deal, but he still struggles. He hadn’t seen them interact romantically beyond a quick kiss here and there when they were out as a group, and he couldn’t see it. Couldn’t see the softness that he’d had described to him by two people he’d never seen that way with anyone. Even when Aaron was married to Haley he kept that part of his life to himself, never giving more of a hint than his arm around his wife’s shoulders in a bar. 

Emily sighs next to him, blowing air out through her lips as they kept an eye on the building the unsub was in, the team all around them. 

“You ok over there Prentiss?” 

She nods at him, her smile tight as she raises her hand to her lips, biting her cuticle, “Yeah,” she says quickly, “I’ll just be happy when this takedown is over.” 

She’d made her feelings on it clear, her unhappiness that Aaron was going in alone to a hostage situation so the unsub didn’t hurt anyone else obvious from the moment the idea was floated by them. 

“Hotch can handle himself,” Derek says, raising an eyebrow at her, “He’s been through worse.”

“I know what he’s been through,” she snaps, her control on a knife edge as she looks at him, “Better than you do. I just don’t…” she shakes her head and chuckles, looking back at the building her boyfriend had walked into, “I don’t see the need for unnecessary risk.” 

“Would you be this worried if it was me or Rossi in there?” He asks, genuinely curious, “Or is it just because you’re sleeping with him?” 

She looks sharply at him, a scoff escaping her as her eyes harden, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” 

Before he can reply their radio clicks and the local detective’s voice comes over it, “The suspect is apprehended, we need a medic.” 

Emily’s eyes go wide, and she presses the button on her radio, “Who we do need a medic for?” She asks, already walking towards the building, shaking off his arm as she goes. 

“Agent Hotchner was hit.” 

Emily takes off at a run and Derek follows her, yelling her name but she ignores him, rushing into the building before it’s officially cleared. He’s only a few paces behind her, and he’s relieved when he walks in to find Aaron conscious and sitting on the floor, a cut on his forehead as he hugs Emily tightly, her arms wrapped around him. 

“Are you okay?” She asks, cupping Aaron’s cheeks as she sits back on her heels, her eyes scanning over his face, “He said you were hit, I thought…”

“Sweetheart,” he says, placing his hand over hers on his cheek and turning his head to kiss her palm, an intimate moment Derek feels strange observing, but he can’t tear his gaze away, “I’m okay. I promise. He hit me with his gun.” 

Emily sighs and leans forward, as if the air had been knocked out of her as she kisses him, the kiss desperate as a breath shudders out of her, “I’m so…I thought…” 

“I know,” Aaron says, tucking some of her hair behind her ear, comforting her as if she was the one who’d been hurt, “I’m okay, I promise.” He repeats, his smile kind and loving as he pulls her hand from his cheek and kisses it, “I’m okay.”

She nods, a sound escaping her that Derek thinks is close to a sob and she smiles, “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” he replies, and Derek feels frozen in place, his assumptions about their relationship shattered around his feet. He only realises he’s staring when Emily looks at him, residual anger from his comment outside still lingering in her eyes. 

“Morgan, can you get the paramedics, he needs looking at.” 

Aaron sighs, “Em, I’m seriously-”

She places her hand on Aaron’s shoulder without even looking at him, holding him in place, “The paramedics please.”

Derek nods wordlessly and leaves, making a purposeful choice not to walk back in once he’s directed the EMTs to where they are, making himself busy by directing civilians around and helping the local cops. It’s later when Aaron walks out with nothing but a bandage on his head, Emily by his side, hovering nearby as much as she can with them still being in a professional setting. It wouldn’t take a profiler to see how she was barely holding herself together, how seeing the man she loved hurt had shaken her, and all of a sudden all the unkind thoughts he’d had about their relationship weigh heavily on him. 

Aaron is insistent on seeing the case through, already talking to Dave, waving off his concern as he talks about their game plan when it comes to interrogating the unsub. Derek walks over to where Emily is standing, her gaze fixed on Aaron as if he might disappear at any moment, her cuticle back in between her teeth. Derek takes a deep breath and walks over to her, scratching the back of his head as he makes it to her side. 

“Em-”

She groans and looks at him, “Can we not do this right now, Derek?” She asks, sounding nothing short of exhausted, “I don’t-”

“I wanted to apologise,” he says, cutting over her, knowing he wasn’t going to say it otherwise, “I haven’t been a good friend lately,” he says, looking over at Aaron, “If he makes you happy, that should be enough.”

She nods and crosses her arms over her chest, “Yes, it should be,” she says, raising her eyebrows as she looks at him and shrugs, “I don’t understand what your issue with this is. I…I think have an idea but I don’t want to get into it now,” she says chuckling humourlessly as she shakes her head, “But can I just ask you to do something?”

He nods, “Of course.” 

She smiles wryly, “Can you maybe get your head out of your ass before we get married and have kids?” She says casually, “Because thats where this is going, and it would suck to not have you involved in any of this.”

He thinks it might be the most honest thing she’s ever said to him, certainly the most vulnerable. Layers of herself that she’d hidden from him, from them all, for years shining through from under the armour she’d had since she was young. It makes any lingering negative thoughts about their relationship disappear and he nods, reaching out and squeezing her arm. 

“I think I can do that,” he says, smiling softly at her, and she smiles too, briefly squeezing his hand before she steps away, walking towards Aaron as if pulled towards him.

Derek stands in place and watches as she walks over, her hand on Aaron’s back as she steps next to him, both of them relaxing in each other's presence. 

He sighs as he turns away, looking for something to do, and he idly realises he owes Penelope $50. 

-x-

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[cellarspider]

Qunlat 2/12: Canon, and its various disagreements

⭅ Previous =⦾ Index ⦾= Next ⭆

Before I can dig into the actual sound and structure of Qunlat, I have to first dig into the structure of Dragon Age itself, because… well, the sound and structure of Qunlat changes depending on when it was set down. Whatever version you like is totally up to you–I’ll be trying to document all of them, but also begin explaining how to curate the language to your desires. 

I want to preface this: anybody who prefers what goes on here is totally valid. But I am going to get into some analysis of why, from a conlang hobbyist’s perspective, a fair chunk of later Qunlat doesn’t feel like the same language we’ve previously been presented, and why certain sources should be treated as less authoritative than others.

And I will begin with a comparison: Star Wars. No, no, come back, I promise this won’t hurt!

During the reign of George Lucas, Star Wars continuity and fandom explicitly drew distinctions between levels and eras of canon: The movies were the prime source that could ignore all others. Tie-ins could expand the setting, but due to less centralized direction, they could vary wildly in depiction of everything, including “facts” of the setting. How does the Force work? Are microbes involved? Any cosmic beings or liminal spaces? Do any of them seem suspiciously influenced by Dave Filoni’s wolf obsession? Even the movies don’t always agree!

Fans and official lorekeepers also recognized the difference between when something was made, or which publisher was involved: Tie-ins from the early years were less likely to be compatible with those from later times, and different production houses had their own internal continuities. Did Han Solo fight alongside a giant carnivorous rabbit in a red onesie? Well, he didn’t mention that when interviewed by a monk from a religious order where the enlightened masters become mecha-spiders! Did an omnipotent, insane entity once kill Princess Leia by turning her heart into a diamond? Maybe we could find out, if someone decompiled the memory banks of her assassin droid double who was sent to marry and shoot a three-eyed fake heir to Palpatine’s throne! Did a trans-dimensional scaly jello cube once run a faith healing scam? It’s been banished from the continuity of most tie-ins since then, but it was published under the official Star Wars license! I haven’t made up even one of these!

Equally, fans might also freely decide to ignore earlier or later aspects of canon, because they had their own sandbox they liked to play in. Even parts of generally beloved stories may be generally ignored (hello, Luuke). And all that was common long before you even get to the Disney takeover, when much of the creative direction changed. 

Dragon Age, as a fifteen year old franchise (ow, my bones) that has attempted to be aggressively multimedia and has not maintained a single, unified creative team, is prone to these same eccentricities and inconsistencies. Sometimes things happen for no serious reason whatsoever. Remember when baby Superman landed in Ferelden? I remember that. Doctor Seuss is a dwarven Paragon, by the way.

These are meant to be jokes in the games, sure, but the rules around magic and lyrium change with every game, and on the subject of languages, we also don't have a consistent writing system for the Common Tongue.

Throughout the series, early material conflicts with later, tie-ins conflict with games, individual games may be internally inconsistent, and a sole truth fundamentally does not exist for the canon. 

This is particularly true for ancillary material, which Qunlat can be counted as. It’s a constructed language that isn’t from the main setting. Even when lead writers have been involved in its depiction, the results have sometimes been completely incompatible with the rest of its appearances. 

I am attempting to document this language in a comprehensible fashion. You can see how this might cause problems.

So I am going to try and draw some distinctions. This should be particularly useful for anyone trying to reconstruct things from the wiki’s dictionary and phrasebook, which does cite sources, and includes everything, regardless of linguistic and stylistic incompatibility.

Dragon Age: Origins and Dragon Age II have a relatively high level of internal consistency in their spoken Qunlat. Things Sten says seem mutually intelligible with what we hear from the Arishok. There are exceptions–a couple rogue words in DAO and Warden’s Keep that indicate some level of uncertainty about the overall shape of the language, and Mark of the Assassin has a few eccentricities, but is largely in line with the two. A large portion of our dialog in DA2 and its DLC has never had a translation provided, but the sound of the language remains consistent. Mary Kirby (formerly of BioWare) was Sten’s writer for DAO, so we can guess that she was the primary source for these games.

Grammar-wise, more complexity might exist in some of the Arishok’s untranslated lines, but my best attempts to analyze them indicate they may be on shaky ground, detail-wise. Words slide around each other in strange ways, though they all sound like the same language.

The one major exception to that unity: DA2’s Qunari armor and weapons. These include some extremely strange additions that are not reflected in the spoken language. New sounds and letters enter the language that were never there before. I’d hazard a guess that either a different writer got involved with naming these, and/or the documentation available was not well-organized or transmitted. When finally defined for certain in World of Thedas Vol. 2 some years later, many of the equipment terms have mistaken etymologies.

Dragon Age: Inquisition continues that trend. There’s more words that have spurious etymologies. Some words have inconsistent spellings. Some sentences accidentally a word. The wiki’s does not help matters, with some statements from the Iron Bull taken as definitions when it doesn’t seem like they’re supposed to be.

During this period, Mary Kirby and Trick Weekes started answering questions about the language on twitter. For our Qunari-focused purposes, Kirby started out the series as Sten’s writer, and Weekes was Iron Bull’s writer, and so we may see differences in authorship between the two. Kirby answers most of the questions about vocabulary, and the answers mostly fall in line with previous Qunlat.

The same goes for Tresspasser. While its new Qunlat vocabulary is unfortunately minimal, the contents largely have the same linguistic feel as the rest of the language, grammar is consistent, and new words make etymological sense. A convert practices their conjugation tables, much to my delight. The language does strain against the relatively limited grammar it contains, though, with Viddasala’s lines in particular feeling like they’re missing connective tissue.

Secondary material far less consistent. Web series and comics like Redemption, Those Who Speak, and the currently-releasing Vows and Vengeance podcast* all are produced with less direct oversight or restrictions of medium and resource availability, tend to be highly divergent in general, and that definitely includes their Qunlat. Tie-in books like Tevinter Nights are only slightly more consistent, but are still of variable quality.

And then there is The World of Thedas.

That's not great.

While the two volumes of WoT scratch the itch for Delicious Lore, Volume 2’s unique additions to Qunlat are contain some glaring incompatibilities with the rest of the series. Volume 1 has a bit of in-universe disclaimer near the start of it, that all sources are biased and imperfect. Volume 2 includes errata from the previous book, including a walking back of ideas like “The Antaam stages duels to the death for promotions”, replaced with “actually the Orlesians made that up during the Exalted Marches to scare their kids”. So, we can see that real-world creative decisions were changed between the two books. That’s understandable.

Unfortunately for our purposes, Volume 2 also includes the largest corpus of grammatically complex Qunlat sentences in the entire series, and they appear to be deliberately sloppy.

I now have to introduce you to my nemesis, Philliam, a Bard!.

This poxy little creature is a character credited in The World of Thedas, Volume 2 as transcribing and “loosely translating” phrases spoken by Qunari soldiers at rest. These sentences are of variable quality, featuring misspellings of pre-existing words, absolutely bizarre sentence structure, and words that previous Qunlat simply can’t support. It’s like reading English and then suddenly you appear to have stumbled into a rogue word in Sḵwx̱wú7mesh.

I focus (saltily) on this for two reasons: First, Philliam, a Bard! is treated explicitly as an unreliable source. I have seen some folks reference his vocabulary in other contexts before, and it shows up in several dictionaries, including taking cues from his pronunciation guide. Do not trust anything found exclusively in his excerpts to fit with the rest of the language: he is intended to be a foreigner who may not fully understand the language, and may, in fact, just be making shit up.

Second, and I may be reaching a little here: as a constructed language hobbyist, I know how things go sometimes. You’ve come up with some sentences you want to translate into your conlang, but you realize you’re lacking vocabulary for it, or worse, you don’t have enough grammatical complexity to even structure the concepts you want to convey. …But you’re really tired, or only have a few minutes to poke at it, so you just fling down some new words and grammar that conceivably look like a translation, though you’re not quite sure how. This is especially common for new conlangers.

These sentences feel like that kind of thing was going on there. I’ll get into the details of why much later, but for now: If something you like in Qunlat contradicts Philliam, a Bard!, don’t feel wedded to stuff from him. He is, both in and out of continuity, an unreliable source.

But if you like Philliam, a Bard!? Go for it! My grumbling is entirely immaterial, DAI and WoT2 add in a bunch of vocabulary that people may want to draw from. Hopefully this post has provided some pointers on how to tailor Qunlat to your own interests. For those who may be interested in further tweaking Qunlat, I’ll give advice later, when we dig into some changes I personally made while trying to expand the language.

The one piece of advice I’ll give now: Beware the wiki’s dictionary. It’s a heroic work to source as many words as they did, but I’ve noticed some typos in their Qunlat (ex. Aqaam written as “Aquaam”), some definitions include irrelevant and misleading information (maraas-lok is the name of a strong alcohol that literally means “no(thing)-thought(s)”, and does not seem to be a verb for “drink”. Bull is just drunk and trying to get you to drink.), some words are fully unsourced, some are missing (placenames especially), and the citations are not comprehensive and do not necessarily list the first time a word appears in canon.

So I have made my own dictionary. It’s mostly based off of theirs, and retains the wiki’s definitions for those who want those. But it also features an accounting of which words show up in which sources, as well as my own notes, which include further definitions based off of verifiable context, etymologies of compound words, corrections for wiki or canon errors, and my suffering through the works of Philliam, a Bard!. I’ve gone through all of DAO and DA2’s subtitles, and World of Thedas Volumes 1 and 2 to verify the vocabulary they include, and at some point I will probably do the same for DAI and Trespasser. Tie-ins are lower down the list, for the reasons I explained above.  

Qunlat’s phonaesthetics will be covered this time, as this is what drew me in first, and laying them out will help readers create names or new words that sound Qunlat.

⭅ Previous =⦾ Index ⦾= Next ⭆

Footnotes

* I haven’t been following Vows and Vengeance, but the only Qunlat in the transcripts is all stuff we’ve heard before, the rest is simply glossed over as stage directions of people chanting or yelling a “FOREIGN TONGUE”. Someone in the YouTube comments identified Taash's chanting as the prayer we hear Sten recite in Origins, so that's almost all of it accounted for. I may listen and see if I can make any sense of the rest of it later, but I have a questionable ear for transcribing languages, so if it's new content, my results may not be 100% accurate.

[conanssummerchild]

Season 3: Episode 9 "A Deep-Fried Korean Thanksgiving"

previous // next

took a small break from these because i was really busy but i have returned lol.

I hate Lorelai saying Jess's kiss was lame, i thought it was a perfectly polite kiss, especially since 1) Rory asked Jess to go slow 2) Both Rory and Jess's guardians were right fucking there, what did she expect him to do, make out with Rory on top of the table while Lorelai and Luke sat there awkwardly??? Weird and uncomfortable.

Lorelai's freak out over Rory applying to Yale is just ridiculous. I dislike Lorelai but most of the time I can be a little understanding of her big melodrama moments and see her side of the story, but here she's being straight up irrational. Rory has to apply to other schools, I know Lorelai didn't go to uni herself but she has to at least understand how it works, even if just from all the films she watches, and like the guy at the table said, if Rory's applying to Harvard, Yale is right up her alley, she's not gonna apply to an Ivy League and then a state school or community college instead of one of the most prestigious schools in America just becuase Lorelai is gonna cry about it, that would make zero sense.

It's not even like Rory is suddenly saying "Fuck Harvard, I've done a complete 180 and want to go to Yale and NOWHERE else." she still wants to go to Harvard, she's just following the normal required college application rules and not banking everything on Harvard, Yale is merely a safety school at this point in time.

Honestly, I know Dean is suposedly in love with Rory and that's why he's all up in Jess's face but there is just no straight explanation for his complete obsession with Jess. I say either Dean's gay or he really is that in love with Rory and has lost his mind. He is genuinely scary in the scene at the end of the episode, not because of his lame threats but because he seems to really have gone off the deep end. Good on Jess for being mature and not taking the bait for once, though. He really has chilled out since his arrival while Dean has done the opposite of chill out since his arrival.

When I first watched GG I watched only the episodes Jess was in so I assumed that Dean had lived in Stars Hollow all his life, imagine my surprise when I start season 1 and discover that Dean is from Chicago and he JUST moved to Stars Hollow. WHAT 😭. This guy acts like his ancestors were the first people to ever have touched the soil of Stars Hollow, he's lived there for TWO YEARS, Jess arrived at the beginning of his second year in Stars Hollow so he's only lived there 1 less year than Dean, plus Jess's uncle and mother were raised there, if anything he has MORE claim to Stars Hollow than Dean does (although Dean does have a much more active part in the Stars Hollow community), Dean needs to calm down.

Other thoughts:

God, I'm OBSESSED with Dave he's so cute. I love his little Bowie riff turned into the hymn when Mrs. Kim looks. And his eyebrow waggle at Lane.

I don't understand thanksgiving. They're eating yams with marshmallows? They mentioned a yam and marshmallow casserole or something on Community but I assumed they were JOKING, yk because they say a lot of dumb shit on Community... terrifying.

Luke making Jess refill coffee during their thanksgiving dinner, lol.

A lot of the time Rory comes off as pretty self-centred but most of the time it's valid, like when Lorelai told her that the town wouldn't be thinking about her and Dean's breakup and then outside the window Luke was trying to wrestle Dean, and Lorelai saying no one was watching Rory and Jess but then Babette commenting on the kiss.

Every time we see one of Emily and Richard's events I thank god that I'm not a filthy rich, old money American.

"This bible belongs to god, but is being used by Dave Rygalski." was perfect lol. And then Lane and Dave's first kiss <3.

Jess's face after he and Rory kiss properly is adorable lol.

Dean just standing there cloaked in shadows absolutely kills me. What is bro doing.

"I don't have to be remotely calm around you anymore," Right, because you were so calm before, Dean💀

[helly-watermelonsmellinfellon]

Housed For Now!

[New]

AS OF DECEMBER 20TH, 2023, WE HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT OUR NEW LANDLADY WANTS US OUT WHEN OUR LEASE ENDS IN FENBRUARY. EDIT Dec 27th 2023: We just learned that she's adding an electric garage door to the garage. Her ex-husband is working on it with an electrician friend of his and I overheard them. She doesn't intend to move in, she wants to add the small ass garage onto the lease and thinks it's worth adding another $1K+ dollars to the rent.

[Old]

Dave just doesn't get how finances work. Because he's so unhelpful and doesn't fucking listen when people speak, he's whining about how after getting paid, mom has nothing left for the month. "But we don't have to spend $230 on the storage unit anymore!" "That went into other bills, Dave!" He thinks that cuz we don't have that one issue holding us down, we're going to be able to handle everything else easily and have money left over for whatever he wants to waste it on. Because mom has had to pay one bill and let another slide as a result every month. It's how she's had to handle our financial problems this entire time. And people all over have to do things like this, it isn't a new tactic.

Mom finally paid off the bank after Dave bounced her account several times last year. She's been paying $100+ a month for ages to get that handled. That should make things a little easier now.

The car insurance has increased by several dozen dollars so it's over $150 a month now. (EDIT: Dec, 2023: It was increased again.)

Her phone and Bethy's phone have to be kept on because of her schooling and we need a functioning phone number or else we'll be in big trouble in many ways. $100+ just for 2 phones. Dave is in charge of his own damn phone.

She has to handle her Discover and Capital One cards since she's had to use them to save our asses a few times. She NEEDS to pay them off so her credit score doesn't tank, and many places won't give you a chance if your credit is low. She's got monthly payments for those around $100+ in total.

The P.O. Box price has increased. Almost $50 now. (EDIT: Dec, 2023: We had canceled it since we finally got a place to live, and now we'll need to get a new one. I'm so tired.)

Dish Network has been on pause or almost 2 years cuz she can't cancel it before the full year she paid is used up or the fee is astronomical. They keep suspiciously unpausing it and trying to lob thousands in fees at us. (EDIT: Aug, 2023: Mom finally got it taken care of by going to the Better Business Bureau with dozens of emails of proof for her case and they came down hard on Dish Network. So we're fine on that front now.)

Then we have gas for a minivan, that Dave should be paying for, but isn't. A mostly full tank is around $80 every 4-5 days. Gas is average rn. So over $400 monthly in gas. (EDIT Dec, 2023: $20 gets 4 1/2 Gallons right now. It is hell.)

We need the part for the van which is $800+. The van is just so old that finding parts for something considered an antique now is damn near impossible, and not having the money up front makes it worse. (EDIT: Dec, 2023: The van is dead and despite how the alternator was replaced and the battery and starter are fine, there's no vehicle.)

She has to pay for her medication cuz we have shit medical. She's already going without many of them but some health problems, like Asthma, can't be ignored so the inhalers are prioritized. (EDIT Aug, 2023: Our medical changed out of nowhere at the beginning of the year and all of our doctors no longer take it. No doctors take it, in fact, so our attempts to get better help have to start all over again.)

Bethy needs school supplies regularly.

But Dave just thinks that she should have all this extra money left over at the end of paying everything off. Many of these things come out instantly on the 1st of each month btw. She has to then work through what is left for the bills that aren't instantly paid off. He thinks if he works with his friend for 3 weeks, he'll have enough money for an apartment, completely ignoring that he'd only have about $1800 for a full month of work with no breaks. The cheapest 2-bedroom in Delaware requires almost all of that, which is why we're waiting on housing which charges based on your monthly income. Even if he handled the monthly rent of $1400-$1700 for a 2-bedroom, mom still has all this stuff to worry about... and then gas, water, electric, sewage, etc... Dave doesn't listen. In public housing, those things are included. Outside it, they are separate expenses.

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[NEW: 25th Dec 2024]

Our van is dying and can't be relied upon anymore. We're in desperate need of newer transportation or we're in big trouble. Bethy has broken down twice in the middle of the night with the van and it's beyond inspection requirements at this point. It can't be saved.