#Band Mom Pickles for the WIN

[papabigtoes]

Shaded Commission Comic for the Zazz-tastic @pan-flute-skeleton - Band Mom Pickles To The METAL Rescue!

[writersmilex]

hey bb! may i request drunk! reader x drunk! pickles? a sprinkle of trauma bonding (mommy issues) and a sprinkle of fluff and understanding would mean the whole world to me :3

Hammered Slander

Pickles The Drummer X Fem Reader

Summary: (Y/n) and Pickles decide to go out together and just get drunk and complain about mothers, as you do.

Note: Hi Stranger! I never experienced mommy issues in any way, I’m not sure what having mommy issues feels like, to be honest, so the mother is just nagging basically... I think.

______________________________________

It’s a regular event between (Y/n) and Pickles, from the very first day they met. It’s easy to make friends when drunk, and apparently, Pickles and (Y/n) got along so well that they woke up hangover together. It’s ironic that (Y/n) can still remember it. It’s okay if Pickles doesn’t.

20-year-old (Y/n) woke up in Pickles’ motel room on the floor, he was awake but hallucinating in the bed. And… The rest is history.

~~~~ Years later, Dethklok is the most dominant band on the planet. Hanging out with her friends is rather difficult these days, and she cherishes every moment she can whenever. What’s even rarer is hanging out with her closest friend: Pickles. Just the two of them, she would have really liked to have spent time with him by now. And while phoning Pickles as the band is on tour, (Y/n) finally decides to just ask him! “Toki really can hold his liquor when he gets really drunk, it’s probably the saddest thing I’ve ever seen, yo.” Pickles cackles from the other side of the line, causing (Y/n) to laugh as she hears Toki complain in the background. “Anyway enough about me, how are you doing?” There is a lot of commotion on the Drummer’s side, which is most likely the band in the background. “I’m fine. It's kind of quiet with you guys not around. But I’ll manage.” Which is the truth. (Y/n) has been staying at Mordhaus to keep things a little in check for the band. The castle-like structure really is very quiet with them around. “Kinda miss you guys…” She admits shyly. “Aww… (Y/n). Hey Fellas! (Y/n) misses us!” She can hear Pickles announce to the room loudly. (Y/n) can’t hear the reactions very well, but she can hear Toki shout. “Ams misses yous too, (Y/n)!” in the distance. Toki’s antics never fail to make (Y/n) smile. “Hey, Pickles. We can go for a drink and catch up when you’re back. Just the two of us? Like old time.” (Y/n) feels slightly bashful while asking, much to her relief, the Drummer chuckles. “Sure we can!” He replies with glee.

~~~~ Back from the tour and was well-rested once again. (Y/n) and Pickles have finally decided to go out together for drinks. Pickles had always found it interesting, how the atmosphere completely changes when it’s just him and (Y/n) together without his bandmates and friends. More surprisingly, this atmosphere has never changed in all the years he has been friends with her. And he likes it that way. He could tell this was gonna be a drunk night, as he saw (Y/n) already downing her drinks quickly. Surely something must be on her mind. He doesn’t think about it much as he gets drunker as well, the two friends swaying on their barstool and partly leaning on each other to maintain some balance. Giggling the night away.

“Alright, alright, alright! Listen, listen, listen.” (Y/n) giggles and puts down her whiskey glass, already getting pretty hammered after her fourth glass, switching from plain beer to win to spice her drunkenness. Pickles responds with his own laughs, being unable to keep his head up straight and repeatedly as if his neck is giving into the weight of his head. “I had another call from my mom recently, you know?” (Y/n) shakes the whiskey glass she is holding, hoping it will magically refill again. Pickles snorts, “Yeah?” He gestures for her to resume. “I haven’t spoken to her in years, since she ruined my brother’s wedding. She was literally asking if I had a boyfriend yet!” (Y/n) raises her voice, announcing to the whole bar her story. It’s getting late so the bar is quite empty. Not to mention that the remaining people are doing their best to ignore the two very loud and very drunk people at the bar. The poor bartender is cursed to serve the other people there. He cut those two off an hour ago.

“Typically mum, always butting in my personal life! Because she doesn’t have one!” (Y/n) laughs loudly at her own witty remark. Pickles follows suit with her, the commotion in the nearly empty bar to get more obnoxious on their end. It causes a group of three people to leave money on their table and leave the building altogether.

The Bartender is trying to focus while going down his resupply list and partly keeping an eye on the drunk people who are half a meter away from him. Just to make sure they don’t break anything. Even if it’s the drummer of the greatest Metal band on earth slouching at his bar.

“I swear that woman can’t let go of us! Me and My brother and I.” (Y/n) slurs, tracing the rim of the glass with her finger, it doesn’t make that pretty sound that wine glasses usually make. “I remember when she blamed her divorce on us… That woman is crazy and Dad couldn’t take it anymore, I wish he had taken us with him.” her gaze turns solemn, despite it being years ago, it still hurts. Those hurtful words that her mother said to her in the heat of the moment, if only her mother had apologized for that, their relationship might have been better today.

“duuuude,” The drummer leans completely on (Y/n)’s arm, clutching a bottle of a famous whiskey brand in his hand. His legs are bouncing against the foot of the stool, a subconscious habit. “Be glad that your mom even acknowledges your existence!” Pickles argues, “I am the drummer of the very best baaand in the fucking wooorld yo!!! Not e-even thaaaat, Not even that impreeesses her!” He slurs and slams his hands flat on the bar, which causes the bartender to flinch at the noise. He about had it with these guests. If one more thing happens he is going to kick them out for the night so he can close the bar.

“It’s aaaalways about Sssseth. Fucking asshooole! He ruinzzzz everythinggg he touches!” Leaning forward he rubs his face in his hands, “Women…” He grumbles in his palms. If (Y/n) was sober, she would have thought twice about what he just said. But right now she couldn’t agree more. “Fuckinnnnng bitch, just wants mmmmy money.” He complains quietly. (Y/n) already knew that Pickles’ family was practically leaching off him. She had noticed that already. At first, she expected all of Dethklok's families to be begging for the band’s money. Later she realized that the family dynamics of Dethklok is rather abnormal for the most part. “Well? That Birth-giver o’ mine is a real piece of work. And you haven’t met her yet.” (Y/n) pipes in with more stories of her mother. “And I don’t want you… That when you meet her… That you don’t, okay?” She mumbles with a hint of confusion, almost like she doesn’t even know what she is talking about. “I swear, me and my… I mean me and my brother and I. We were just accessories to her, seriously! Dad too, probably!” When she slams her glass on the table, causing one empty bottle to topple over, that’s when the bartender had it.

“Alright, you two need to leave my bar this instant!” The bartender had enough, slammed his notes on the counter and called the bouncer over to give him a hand. ~~~~ The bounce pushed (Y/n) and Pickles outside roughly. (Y/n) was able to keep her balance however, Pickles stumbled and tripped onto his knees. “Just go home!” The bouncer waves the two drunk people off and goes back inside.

(Y/n) dusts off her knees and stands up, swaying in her stance and looking at the entrance of the bar, “How rude…” She grumbles and looks over to the Drummer and grabs him by the arm to get him to stand up. She wastes little time and goes to walk in the direction that she believes is the right direction.

“Wheeere arrre we going???" Pickles sounds more confused than ever, looking around the now dark streets quizzically. “We are, We’re going home I think?” (Y/n) giggles quietly. Too drunk to even realize where she is taking Pickles to. The two friends will discover later the next day while nursing a hangover. ~~~~ Waking up with a pounding headache has become a regular thing lately. (Y/n) is having a hard time opening her eyes, and when she does she is greeted with the floor of some castle-like bedroom, the floor is covered in both rubbish and clothes. This scene makes (Y/n) feel nostalgic. Somewhere she has seen this before. Of course! How could she forget? “Had a good sleep?” Comes the voice of Pickles. Looking up, (Y/n) finds the man in question sitting up in bed. It is nearly just like when she first met him, and she could not help but smile at him. ________________________________

I haven’t taken requests in years, I actually have quite a strict rule list when it comes to requests. But I’ll let this one slide. 

Thanks for reading, - Smilex

[deada55]

His Life Will Find A Purpose (When the River Meets the Sea) - Chapter 8

crossposting: ao3

work summary: A nine-year old in Tomahawk, WI gets glaucoma surgery over Christmas break.

chapter summary:

T'was the eve before surgery, and one special case reminded dear Pickles to remember his place.

tws: child abuse, fighting and injury, alcohol and stuff

my thoughts on this update:

“Seth.” 

By the time he’d finished sobbing into the side of his bed, open-mouthed against the covers, his voice was junky with mucus, and the wet cuffs of his waffle-weave undershirt wouldn’t stay pushed-up. His face itched from salt but he kept his mouth pinched in a flat line and his fists tight even though the force it took to keep composed locked both his elbows down to his sides as he stool in the doorway to Seth’s room.

Seth looked up from his bedroom floor, where he shot a half dry-rotted basketball into the air laying down, his most recent pastime since he’d gotten bored of trying to carve soap. Beside his head was his travel AM radio, a birthday present from a couple years ago when he complained so much about what Dad put on the TV that he got his own form of entertainment. Seth kept the volume as low as it could go, so he had to listen to it with his ear close by, just in case something came on the radio that Mom would object to. He considered himself a little smarter than Pickles, who kept all his treasures and his joys out in the open, waiting to be destroyed. His little brother’s shining snot mustache glistened under the overhead light.

“What?”

Fury pinched his lips tight and made him tightly wound as a knotted rubber band getting pulled out and away by a dull scissorblade. 

“’m gonna kill you .”

“Really? Over your stupid dolls? Pickles, c’mon.”

He didn’t have much room for fast-talking before Pickles kicked him in the side of the head with his wet black socks. Somewhere between the heavy force it took Seth to flip over (and stop Pickles from jerking him up and down by his shirt) and Pickles’ rising cries from having his arm contorted backwards so far that his elbow grazed the back of his neck, the thumping from upstairs alerted their parents. When they heard their dad’s feet pound the first two steps of the staircase, their blood ran cold.

“You got a problem? Do I needta come up there?”

Seth choked down enough fear for the both of them, croaking “No, sir.”

Pickles slipped out of Seth’s grip quietly and sat nearby, his chest heaving, still wheezy from the frigid air outside. In the postbellum stillness, the brothers looked each other over, then their attention moved to the radio that prattled and honky-tonked to itself for entertainment,

“There's gonna be a heartache tonight!

A heartache tonight, I know–”

Seth cleared his throat and laid back down, pulling his basketball back up into his hands. Aching and defeated, Pickles crawled to the other side of the radio and laid down beside Seth, so he could hear the bright, jaunty guitar as something other than a playful-sounding buzz. No amount of fighting would win his toys back, or keep Seth from delivering the same wrath on whatever remained, now or in the future. If he were helpless to prevent it, there was hardly a point in staying angry. Through the hate and the ire and Luke Skywalker’s sawed-off legs, laying beside Seth was easier than trying to get him to change. His eyelids burned when he didn’t cover them with the soft part of his forearms.

“We can beat around the bushes

We can get down to the bone

We can leave it in the parkin' lot

But either way,”

They listened together for a couple more songs after that, until the station ID came through.

“Hey Pickles?”

“Yeah?”

“You should give me my Christmas present now, uh, because you won’t be here.”

“Oh, yeah.” He might as well, right? Pickles got up to get it from his room and returned with a shoebox wrapped with crumpled newspaper and topped with a red onion bag net bow.

Seth sat up to open it and found a sharp and rust-speckled fish boning knife, a jar of Slime™, and three small boxes of Cherryheads™.

“That it?”

“Yeah. I sharpened the knife, too. Uh, and mom said you liked Cherryheads.”

“... Pickles, you’re lucky you’re fuckin’ 9, man. This shit won’t fly next year.” An icicle dripped on the downspout of the gutter, wearing thin from the sunlight but still glittering. The frost that held it aloft was wide and strong, still clear despite the colorful sunset falling over the roofs of whole street.

“Sorry.”

Seth opened one of the boxes of Cherryheads and popped one in his mouth. Puckered, he was pensive for a moment before reaching under his bed for a crumpled paper grocery bag.

“Here. I guess you can still have it.”

Inside was an almost-full bottle of kirsch and a tube of plastic bubbles. Pickles’ eyes were wide and bright.

“Where’d you even get this?” Immediately, he took a sniff and a little taste of the kirsch, and it went down easy enough.

“I dunno.” If Pickles had to guess, it was something Seth swiped from a friends’ house. Whoever’s mother made the most black forest cake was now short of a bottle of kirsch. 

The plastic bubbles were their own kind of treat… even the packaging made Pickles’ nose run with chemically-induced secretions. Ooh… How’d he know the green ones were the best?

“Thanks, Seth.” 

“Don’t be a sissy about it, ok?” 

Seth went back to fiddling with the seams of the basketball and Pickles sat against the bedpost, holding the bottle still in his lap. When he stretched his legs out, Seth drew his own back to his chest.

That evening, the Christmas tree was put up by the front window, pushing the telephone table and Mom’s wingback chair over to the left. Clear acrylic ornaments, open on one side, sheltered tiny painted does surrounded by silvery cellophane foil. While Pickles and Seth ensured an even distribution of ornaments on their respective halves of the tree by occasionally “raiding” the other side, Molly cut “icicles” out of sheets of shiny, shredded mylar and draped them over the sticky branches. The pan from the chicken fricassé soaked in the sink and the thick scum on the water broke when Dad washed out his favorite whiskey glass, not that any of the tree decorating committee was distracted enough to see him.

While he finished the bottle of good scotch he’d bought special for Christmas, Mother pulled a dining chair into the living room so Seth could put the star on the tree, and Pickles scooted himself up against the back of Calvert’s good chair to watch like he did every year. The darning over the knees of Pickles’ thermal underpants pressed an imprint onto his cheek while Molly took pictures of Seth for a couple of minutes, but she took a shot at Pickles at the very end, just when he was looking up at the lens. 

“Really, Pickles? What are we pouting about now?”

“Nothin’.”

Seth had the technique down, for sure, and the star was straight and secure on the top of the tree on the first try.

When Seth got down, all three of them moved back to admire the tree. Although they didn’t use a fake tree and keep it up for a month, or have a burning itch to vacuum up pine needles all day in the name of maintaining a fresh tree past its prime, they’d have one as long as they could at Christmas. 

“Good job, boys. It looks real nice.” The shutter clicked, and Pickles got a hot shiver down his shoulder, like someone had rested their hand on him. It looks nice…

“Merry Christmas,” Pickles said over the sound of his teeth pinching away lead ornament-salted hangnails. 

“It’s not Christmas, dumbass.” Seth was rude, but even Mom looked annoyed. Calmly, she proceeded, checking the film on her camera. “It’s the twenty-third. Technically, I think it’s the start of winter today.”

Pickles let his head hang. When Molly went around the corner to go put the camera back on top of the fridge, Seth scooted over and flicked his ear.  On their knees, they escalated into a fussy, gentle brawl, more to irritate and dodge each other than to kill. Sometimes, it didn’t even hurt. Their father sat down in the chair behind them, with his right hand on the arm, right behind their necks.

When Seth wouldn’t stop trying to bend Pickles’ fingers the wrong way, Pickles picked up a dull pencil that hid right underneath the chair’s skirt, and jabbed the back of Seth’s arm with the hollow aluminum end full of dry-rotted eraser crumbs. In turn, Seth snatched it, and was about to jam it into Pickles’ forehead before Pickles got off balance and flopped onto the carpet on his back. The chair shifted an inch, Seth didn’t stop himself in time, and the metal eraser cap accidentally cut into the side of their father’s hand as it laid on the armrest.

Before Pickles could tell Dad was bleeding, his towering presence was backing Seth up to the wall. Seth’s pleading apologies gave way to wailing and squealing — In the movies, the thumping sounds of fistfall are louder than the sobs, but this wasn’t a movie, and it wasn’t a teardrop of ketchup slipping out of Seth’s split eye. As Seth melted down from the wall and curled his body inward, their father sunk down, too, until he was grabbing at Seth’s head and neck from a kneel. If that’s what they’ll do to him tonight, Pickles might not have to deal with tomorrow’s surgery at all, but he couldn’t celebrate over the pervasive shaking that wouldn’t let him onto his knees.

Their mom stood by the wall, agape and clutching the edges of her cardigan until Calvert rolled from kneeling to standing with the grace of a deer drunk on rotten apples. As she rushed around him to get to Seth, he turned around and locked eyes with his youngest.

“What’ve you got to be scared of, kid?”

Pickles was still crouched by the chair in the middle of Calvert’s ten-foot shadow. From there, the halo of light from the standing lamp by the door shrouded his father’s face, but Pickles didn’t dare squint or speak too quickly. There would have been silence if not for Seth’s cries, low and frightened, into Molly’s shoulder. Pickles mouth hung empty.

“What? You scared ‘a me out of nowhere?” The veins in Calvert’s neck had yet to deflate. With flared nostrils and darting eyes, he looked back to his wife and sons.

“You all think it’s my fault? Well have it yoou-r have it way,” he slurred, “and Merry Fuckin’ Christmas. I’m going to the Philly House.” He tore his coat off the hook and was gone to the bar before the coat rack could hit the floor.

When they heard the car door slam, Molly got Seth up to his feet and ushered him into the bathroom, his head and shoulders covered with her sweater like an old babushka. 

“Mom?”

“Go to bed, Pickles.”

…

He went through his nightstand for some stray candy and ended up with Sam, who made a perfect, quiet companion while he took his medicine and changed. Too tired and unsettled to play, too tired and worried to speak, he moved around his room like he thought an adult would, either pacing with Sam clutched to his chest or standing in front of his closet, which was a deep hole of a room half-filled with empty coat hangers and hand-me-down shoes he worried he might never fit. 

He got into bed early and pulled the covers over his head to give his eyes a break- Ha! Maybe it was practice for being blind. He sucked Sam down between the sheets with him and ran what little remained of his fingernails under the stitching on Sam’s face. Then, he lifted the blanket, only a sliver, just so he could remember the sandy color it was, before dropping it again and going back to feeling Sam’s snout. If he could tie together the feeling with the stark contrast between Sam’s embroidery and his tawny yellow coat, maybe he’d remember it, even if he’d never “see” it again.

The smell of Sam’s fur was so warm and natural, better than the Tide-washed sheets that’d been on his bed for a couple months, better than flowers, better than mom’s night cream… It was babyish, but Sam had to go with him when he slept anywhere different. They’d slept in the same room for years at a time. Sam went camping with him that one time, they hid in Pickles’ bag when he got invited to sleep over somewhere, and they were the only thing that belonged definitively to him. No one else held them like this. Luke Skywalker got him through the day, either from his pocket or from the shattered wings of the Millennium Falcon on the bedroom floor, but Sam was there for the nighttime. You couldn’t hug a tiny action figure, could you? Sam might not be that big, but a footlong lion was good enough. Like a memory, like a sip of cold beer or a shirt fresh out of the dryer, Sam could always be relied on for a little pick-me-up.

But superstition kept him on his toes, and it had since he could remember having an internal dialogue. Whenever he got in trouble at school, he had to wash his hands when he got home or else his mother would somehow know he was in trouble, then she’d start chewing him out and he wouldn’t get his after school snack. Well… even when she shouted, he’d get a snack after she was done, but by then he wouldn’t be hungry, and then she’d be upset when he didn’t make himself eat. Likewise, if he got in trouble and went upstairs to see Sam during the day, not only did he run the risk of Seth seeing him or his mother thinking he was pouting and running to dolls to look “babyish” and “like he doesn’t know better”, but his father might call him a pussy for retreating. Who do you think you are? Then the guilt would come on like a boiler or a hot water pump… and Sam wouldn’t be able to fix the embarrassment on top of whatever had hurt him in the first place. And then Sam’s eyes might just gleam with a little disappointment, too, and all the love would be gone. Love is a ghost who only haunts kids that didn’t fuck up; needing more help and comfort than he was worth would only make it harder to find. If he didn’t see Sam at the right place and time, he could risk losing sight of Sam’s kind animus and drown in shame alone. He had to come to Sam only when he hadn’t done anything wrong, when he deserved the thick plush of their fur between his fingers. 

Tonight, he ran headlong into the curse with arms outstretched and sharp sobs stuck sideways in his throat. After pissing Mom off in Merill, after plucking every last one of Mrs. Wallace’s nerves all year, after grabbing that pencil under the chair and almost killing Seth with the consequences, he was in more trouble than ever. No one might ever love him again, so he might as well get whatever he could before he lost Sam, too. He pulled the covers over his face and sobbed with a face-throbbing silence, mouth open, as he tried to listen for the sound of Seth or his parents turning in their sleep.

Sam’s acrylic fur never quite soaked up his tears and his freckles disappeared on his sticky cheeks.

With his back to the obnoxious light streaming into his room from the exterior halogen lamp mounted over his window, he fell asleep with Sam under him. He woke up a couple hours later, with the hour hand on the wrong side of the clock for a kid’s bedtime. When he tried to turn over, the wet sheet clung to his leg. He gave Sam a pat-down to be sure he was safe, gave him a kiss on the side of his face and left him sitting on the nightstand when he got up so he’d be comfortable while Pickles embarked on a trepidated and painstaking journey down the stairs.

The waterlogged plop of his pajamas on the floor of the downstairs bathroom (their only bathroom) made him freeze like a catatonic hamster. Thankfully, the jack-and-jill door to his parent’s bedroom was closed tonight. Still, the overhead light could leak under the doorway, so he kept it off. If he woke his mother up, there was no guarantee she’d help, but she’d definitely be angry. Even now, he could only pray his dad was asleep or gone for the night, and if he came back while Pickles was in here…

He was so tired that he felt lightheaded, but he meticulously adjusted the flow of the tap until there was one perfect, clear, quiet column flowing down the drain. It took longer to wet the washcloth that way, but he had to hide. After scrubbing himself off with the rag and a couple pumps of hand soap, he pulled on Seth’s neglected bathrobe as new pajamas. 

By the warm glow of a cheap nightlight, he stared into his own reflection and saw a teary, disheveled mess that any reasonable person would chuck like an empty bottle. With cowlicked hair and red, watery eyes, he looked downright disgusting, but when he came back from the hospital, it’d be worse. 

Shame on you!

He ducked over the sink to take himself out of his line of sight by force. Leaning against the cool tiled countertops, he caught an impulse and bit the meat of his forearm as hard as he could until the fibers of his muscle slipping between his teeth imparted the slightest crunch, like a banana peel, and it only hurt when he let go. In the yellow glow of a nightlight, he scrutinized his teeth marks as if he were watching ants traverse a log. While rubbing the wet spot, he lowered himself to his knees, got one of the spare towels from under the sink with the same calculated care as a bomb squad and headed back to the couch.

He’d left Sam upstairs in the safety of his room, but the creaking staircase was too risky to climb again this late at night. With a sorrowful longing in his chest made worse by constant shameful mental reminders that he didn’t think ahead and take Sam with him, he curled up on the sofa alone. The draft worked harder than the furnace and reminded him how open the room around him was with every sharp, cold needle of chill pricking his toes.

With a throw pillow and the green towel around his shoulders like a blanket, he turned onto his side, facing the backrest. The only comfortable way to place his arms was with his hands pressed against the scratchy upholstery, and he found a miserable smidgen of comfort in resting his brow bone against the first knuckle of his index fingers, gently trapping his nose and his eyelids between the meat of his thumbs. The feeling of his hands against his skin relieved some tension in his forehead even if the heat of his own breath kept his chest tight. In a strange posture of simultaneously guarding and hiding his face, he slept for a couple more hours.

[pikaflute]

hi, sudafed cleared my sinuses long enough to think so here’s a giant post about most of my charles headcanons

Playlist

OH btw here’s my 4 hour and 23 minute playlist for Charles. Enjoy. Yes I know I’m insane: https://open.spotify.com/user/pikaflute24/playlist/4DBxaaxbqsmJt9Fvl8AgwZ?si=OcXlYCdFRzOhuKa4p_HdUQ

General Headcanons

He was born November 24 1965. He’s currently 56, but I usually write him in his late 40s in most fanfic and content I make. So there’s this middle aged man....

He has hazel eyes. Sometimes they look green, sometimes brown. Sometimes they’ll be white but that’s when he’s using his magic so mind your business

Gear brand over his heart >:)c

:) i think he has piercings and tattoos, a skull (dead man teehee) on his upper arm, a tattoo of a date (the date pickles and him first met TEEHEE) on his left arm also has a tattoo on his arm of the day he “died” on his right. had his ears pierced when he was a teen.

Has a sweet tooth so hard. Smuggles in treats into the drawers of his desk just to snack on during the day and has a mini fridge just filled with ice cream and also sorts of other goodies. He loves brownies and cookies the most

Likes to work out and keep himself in shape. it takes his mind off of stressful things like work and the boys, and just take his morning practice sparring and doing various exercises in the mordhaus gym. 

he’s uh also very flexible so he does yoga a lot when he exercises. don’t. look too deep into that

cannot cook to save his life. he almost burned mordhaus down trying to make himself a sandwich

he can play guitar! he used to play it more often when he was younger but he rarely has the time to play it nowadays. when he does get to play it, it’s usually in private (and mainly songs by dethklok), or it’s to show off to a certain lead guitarist that yes he is playing that solo wrong

he’s ambidextrous but prefers using his right hand. he’ll use his left hand to spar in order to go easy on his opponents because hes a smug cunt

he’s 5′7 but intimidation factor adds a couple inches doesn’t it

has a scorpion named princess as a pet. he lets her sit on his desk sometimes and it scares the shit out of dethklok which makes charles laugh on the inside

hes also a cat person. one time toki brought a cat home and it settled on charles’ lap and he almost cried

loves to be a smug asshole and relishes in it. will not take shit from anyone, especially from some asshole who is trying to pull one over on him

he has no idea how social media works at all. will print memes out to show to dethklok, he’s very fond of cat memes specifically (i can has cheeseburger type beat)

he has no idea what any internet memes means he isn’t going to start learning. he is going to misuse internet phrases. are you boys, ah, finding the imposter? [cue five groans from dethklok]

knows a lot of languages. not a comprehensive list but: french, swedish, norwegian, spanish, italian, japanese, chinese, german, russian and korean

is very competitive. scarily competitive. once he starts losing in smash or mario kart all hell will break lose

very bad at showing emotions or affection, when he gets compliments he gets all red and quiet and mumbles a thank you. 

weird about being touched as well and will usually avoid it unless it’s with someone he trusts

speaking of, his love language is acts of service :)c

hates being called charlie or chuck, unless the right person calls him it ;)

he’s autistic. was nonverbal for most of his life and only talked to certain people, or anyone at all. he stims with his hands and uses his pens to fidget.

has a collection of novelty socks. he likes the ones that have polka dots or stripes

sleeps with a garfield plushie he had since he was younger. it helps him with the nightmares

when any of the boys need help sleeping (usually toki or pickles), he’ll sleep with them in his bed. after dying he had trouble sleeping some nights, so dethklok returned the favor and all piled up in his bed and helped him sleep. he didnt have nightmares after that night

hes nearsighted, and prefers to wear glasses over contacts

lactose intolerant, hes still eating mac n cheese and paying the price

metalhead but pretends to not be just to mess with his boys

crippling addiction to match 3 games. also loves to play minecraft.

overly self sacrificial. puts ones he love needs before his own, results in himself being very isolated and distant from those he cares about because he’s afraid of hurting them

his favorite colors are black and purple

coffee kinda guy. black coffee or bust

has a lot of cute novelty mugs to put his coffee in. he ones from places where dethklok tours, dethklok official ones (the only two that aren’t adorned with spikes), some cat themed ones, a couple that have ties and math references, and one from his boys that says “most brutal manager”. he drinks out of that last one the most

he has a couple of grey hairs and wrinkles, but he keeps them because they remind him that he’s human. also pickles said old men were hot but you didnt hear that from me

likes to play chess but he can never find a good opponent. all the klokateers are too scared if they win and dethklok is too distracted to ever play with him or they end up losing to quickly if charles plays against them

really wants kids. he babies his sister’s sons and daughters a TON (uncle charles always brings the best gifts :) ) and also treats toki like his own son in a way. toki doesnt mind, he really appreciates the love

speaking of, toki does call charles dad once and it makes charles cry for like. a week and a half

his favorite dethklok song is the gears :)

he likes to collect knives as a side hobby, his favorite of his collection is a sleek black one with skulls on the handle

he has a motorcycle and likes to drive it around sometimes to just be alone with himself. it’s all black with a red gear on it

lightweight but only if he drinks the amount dethklok drinks. can hold his alcohol fairly well if he drinks like a sensible human, prefers brandy and wine

he can smoke cigars to be sexy for me and me ONLY

likes to read in his spare time. he likes mystery novels and science fiction

he has soft spot for cheesy sitcoms, they’re his guilty pleasure

his favorite youtuber is lockpickinglawyer. yours should be too

usually sleeps in only his boxers but will wear a shirt if its’s cold. he tends to sleep on his side (also wants to be the little spoon when cuddled but he will never admit that)

takes vacations sometimes away from the boys despite his worry that something will go wrong (it will!). many of his vacations are usually going to visit his family and going to the shore with them, or travelling to somewhere new for a change (cue charles being a yakuza substory on his one vacation per year)

he can sew pretty well. learned from his mom and used to sew the whole his sister use to put through her soccer uniform.

can also do makeup, and usually does it for one of the boys of there’s no one else around to help

bites his lip when he’s nervous. which is a lot

likes chococat and gudetama. he’s a man of tastes

laughs really loud if you catch him off guard. he snorts sometimes too. he’s embarrassed by it, but i think its’ cute

loves law and order obviously 

he likes men

has a lot of pent up rage. very good at compressing it. sometimes

as high priest, he stays up very late trying to decipher the ancient prophecies that dethklok needed to fulfill. he doesnt sleep very much when he starts out because he misses home, so the band makes him come back (or else)

also as high priest he becomes more intune with magic granted to him after he died and he mainly uses his magic to protect his boys when they go back to being a band. also to fuck with them

the band he managed before dethklok was a band named savior who said they were a metal band with a unique sound, but that unique sound was actually just being a christian metal band that were bad at playing music. they also treated charles like shit and blamed him for them doing so poorly with sales and shows. had an unfortunate “accident” with a tour bus after charles had enough of their attitude towards him.  he denies he had anything to do with it (he did.)

Family/Childhood

He’s the baby of the family. Spoiled rotten to the max. He doesn’t admit it though but whenever he comes home you know he abuses the “:)c im the favorite” card

He has 4 older sisters: Caroline who is a high school civics teacher, Cynthia who is a librarian, Callie who is a coach for a soccer team, and Charlotte who is a lawyer/manager who manages Ladyklok, which gets awkward (and funny) when Abigail starts dating the lead singer Natalie

charles is actually one of the tallest in his family. his dad is 6’1 and his older sister Callie is 5’11. cynthia is 5’6, caroline is 5’6, and his mom and charlotte are 5’5.

his mom is a doctor and his dad is an accountant. his mom’s name is giovanna and his dad’s name is elijah

caroline is the oldest sister, followed by cynthia, callie, charlotte then charles.

Charlotte and Charles are sworn enemies since they were born on the same day a year apart and basically have the same job. They do love each other though

His father calls him Charles. Caroline and Cynthia call him Charlie. Callie calls him Chuck. Charlotte calls him Charles (derogatory). His mom calls him a whole slew of nicknames that she made up when he was young (she calls him cheese ball and he turns red)

caroline has a wife (lauren who is a chef) and two kids (evan and shelby)

cynthia is dating a coworker (viola)

callie has a husband (john who is a stay at home dad) and they have three kids (brenda, melissa, and jeff)

charlotte is dating ladyklok (and abigail). this is a weird flex on charles i think.

He had a race car bed when he was like 5

He also was also one of those kids at family game night. He almost killed Cynthia over a game of monopoly

Always got to lick the spoon first after his mom baked brownies

He grew up in North Jersey (derogatory) (also yes im projecting state shot)

He’s also Italian (derogatory)

He got bullied in middle school for a little bit but once his older sisters found out, oh boy did all hell break loose

Was in band in high school. He played flute (DONT TALK TO ME I LIKE PROJECTING), he was of course a soloist and incredibly smug about it

Took gymnastics as a kid. Can do a backflip on command. Also very flexible.

First manager gig was helping his sisters sell girl scout cookies. They raked in a lot of profits when baby bro was behind the scenes. His cut was eating thin mints for free

Loved Star Trek when he was a kid

Was incredibly gifted, and taught himself to read at a young age. didn’t talk that much though

was always sick when he was little. he would always get sinus infections and colds if someone even sneezed weird

was in mock trial in high school. one guy on his team was a jerk to him so charles made it a point to be this poor kid’s nemesis

was on the student council, treasurer of course.

was also in nhs, and he was treasurer there too

was that kid who insisted on doing the group project by himself because he didn’t want to wait on anyone to finish their part

was super rowdy as a kid, always got into trouble but his mom was a little lenient of punishment (hes a mommas boy)

when he was like super young he bit people cause he was just a little monster (charles' sisters: mom charles is biting again. charles, biting one of them: im not :/ sheesh)

wanted to be a lawyer since he was 7

put his own siblings and parents on trial and would win every trial and would always get the last cookie or a higher allowance

he shared his room with his sister Charlotte and they would set up a pillow fort on one of the beds and stay up late reading together 

loved going to the beach as a kid, his mom still has his collection of shells from the beach

on the boardwalk, he would dominate at claw machines anad carnival games. he won a bunch of plushies from himself (and his sisters obviously)

his dad and him have a super close bond. they watched star trek together and also like to watch how the stock market would do. his dad was also sometimes the judge in charles’ mock trials at home

they were very supportive when he came out as gay, he was also the first of his sibilings to come out of the closet

College

Got his masters in business management at rutgers and a JD (law degree) from seton hall law.

Started college when he was 18 (1983) and ended college when he was 26 (1991)

Wasn’t a party guy. Never got invited to many, but he never went unless a certain redhead was in town

Sustained himself off of ramen, coffee, and SSRIs to get his masters (hey man i feel ya)

Did weed like three times. Three of those times were because of, you guessed it, a certain redhead

Speaking of, his first time having sex was in his dorm with Pickles. Pickles also kicked him off of the bed (those beds are fucking tiny) while they slept, and almost burned Charles’ dorm down trying to make toast the next morning

Absolute did not do essays until the night before. Bad habit that made it’s way into Dethklok managing when he’s forced to write a legal brief before 12 am.

Loved calculus 2 for some reason. Nerd

Had a mullet. Pickles thought it was hot (still is) while Charles would rather die than remember anything about that horrid hairdo

Also went through his goth/emo phase while in Law School. He stuck out amongst the sea of sweater vests and polo shirts

Was in a band with his fellow college bandmates. The band was called Habeas Corpses and he was the lead singer who also played guitar. Their sound was kind of similar to TWRP’s first two EPs (The Device and 2nite). they had a grunge aesthetic, and yes charles dyed his mullet black (with a purple streak), for the band.

his bandmates were all fellow law students. dillan was on drums, margaret was their bass guitar, and nick was their keyboardist. all three of them also got tutored by charles while in law school. they are still best friends and write to each other sometimes

Was on the debate team, but uh kicked off due to be very competitive (he threatened to punch the opposing debater)

Was also in the chess club, also kicked off for being too competitive (lunged at a kid for cheating)

After being kicked from the two previous clubs, he joined fencing, his very competitive nature made him the best in the state

nick (the guy in charles’ band) was charles’ roommate the whole time they were in college. they may or may not have had a brief relationship before they realized they would be better as friends

nick also has a nes and charles loved to played zelda and wrote an entire guide for himself because he’s was that into the game (nerd)

occasionally would be found sleeping in the library on campus

wanted to be an RA but the resident association at his schools thought he was a little much. charles took this as a compliment

worked out a lot between studying and classes. a lot of jocks underestimated him because of his size but charles was just :) [casually lifts something heavy]

a lot of fellow classmates thought he was super cool cause of the leather he wore, and how cool and quiet he was, too bad they didnt know he was a huge nerd

tried skateboarding. once.

had a cadillac that barely started and drove like a piece of shit but that was charles’ baby

pickles tried to have sex with charles in said car btw, charles almost killed him for even daring to suggest to tarnish his beautiful baby

has damaged his back permanently because of all the books he used to carry around in his crappy back pack

did some modelling for one of his friends in college. he was very attractive and got some other modelling job through it. he tries to hide that from the boys in the future because he thinks it’s embarrassing

Relationship with Dethklok

Pickles - he’s known the drummer the longest out of any other member, and if you couldn’t tell by now, he had a brief relationship with the drummer back in the 80s (and maybe also still has a crush on him :)). charles respects and admires pickles’ talent as a musician and sometimes they play together when they have time alone. he tries to be there when pickles has a relapse in either emotions with his family or something else, but still tries to maintain a distance because he thinks that pickles doesn’t feel the same as he did in the 80s. (he does btw). nothing could break the bond these two share. not even death

Nathan - understands nathan’s quiet nature (nonverbal kings!) and strive for perfection in everything dethklok creates because he is the same way. their similarities allow them to connect on a level that allows nathan to open up about his feelings that he likes to lock away. nathan also gets charles to open his feelings up and actually care for himself for once in his damn life. charles also helps nathan with the depression he develops after charles dies and how to deal with it despite it being not brutal. nathan wants to give back and he does by becoming one of charles’ closest friends (and maybe even lovers hehehe)

Toki - charles has taken it upon himself to be toki’s father figure after seeing the way toki’s family has left him for essentially dead. ever since toki joined the band, charles has made it a point to be there for him whenever he needed it. even if it meant spending late nights reading to toki or sleeping over in toki’s room to help him sleep, he’ll do it. he blames himself for toki’s disappearance but toki assures him that he did the best he could. toki calls him dad a lot after doomstar. it makes charles cry.

Skwisgaar - unstoppable asshole meets immovable object. skwisgaar sees himself above everyone else like he does with the other dethklok members but with charles, skwisgaar knows that charles isn’t intimidated by him nor will he bow to the guitar god in anyway. this develops a game of cat and mouse between the two, with skwisgaar trying to no subtly push charles’ buttons and to see what makes him ticks, while charles resist him at every turn with a smug ‘:) is that all you got’ and it delights him to finally see the guitarist squirm under pressure.

Murderface - at first the two are very. distant to say the least. murderface used to see charles as unemotional robot and charles was fine with that and accepted the distance. overtime however, and especially after charles died, murderface warmed up to charles confiding in him things he hasn’t told the band, mainly things about his insecurities because charles is ‘fucking smart with crap like this’. and charles helps him and is happy to see him work out his problems and not bottle them anymore like the rest of his bandmates. charles also enjoys murderface’s company as a friend as well. and….he’s gonna help murderface the most with the whole traitor stuff too.

Abigail - mlm and wlw hostility. but seriously they’re good buds. he sympathizes with having to deal the moronic actions of dethklok on a daily basis and also thinks she’s really intelligent and overall fun to hang out with. they take lunch breaks frequently together and like to make fun of people at dethklok dinners together as a fun activity together. abigail will bully his ass once she finds out she’s dating charles’ sister and WILL bring up those baby pictures to get a higher raise thank you very much

Knubbler - can you say coworker besties! like abigail, he gets along because they both have to deal with dethklok being, well dethklok, but with knubbler, charles can relax a little more. the two cause problems on purpose just because they can. the two are also close friends and knubbler tries to get charles to relax for once in his life, and despite charles protests and objections, he sometimes caves and hands out with his friend (maybe boyfriend OOOOO who knows)

Sex Headcanons (IM SORRY)

um maybe he can have a giant dick (10 inches for me), it do be swinging though

daddy kink (everyone stay on this side, ill take care of him….come to daddy ;)c)

likes to do roleplay. he has a lot of costumes prepared for when his partner wants to do a scene with him

likes to bite and be bitten during sex. after a very long night, he’ll be covered in bite marks, it’s kinda hot

no gag reflex ;) he likes to deepthroat but good luck trying to get him to go down on you without him teasing

remember how i said he was flexible like eight times? yeah he uh, uses that a lot to his advantage. likes being fucked in weird positions because of it

the suit stays on during sex

he likes topping because he likes to be in control of everything he does all the time, but really wants to be told what to do sometimes and will let those he trusts do that for him

he has a dick piercing i know it

he's a very busy man, so he relies on his huge collection of toys he keeps in his bedroom and office

really good with his hands. as soon as those hands are on you, its game over

he loves to do it on his desk, makes him feel powerful. when he gets blown under his desk, it really takes all of his willpower to not cum immediately

really sensitive in weird places, specifically his ears

he likes to cuddle after sex, hes the little spoon :)

likes to be tied up, sometimes he’ll get tied up under his suit

mating press and riding are his favorite positions, giving and receiving

size queen, likes large toys and well ;)

has a private room that he sometimes goes to relieve stress, it has a fucking machine that he likes to use often when his job gets too stressful

he’s sucking people off at the klokateer glory hole, he’s uh, very good at what he does

likes to be spanked and like to spank

uses collars and leashes

maybe the klokateers can fuck him, if they’re good ;)

freeballing

likes cum on his face but doesn't seem to realize that means he’ll get cum on his glasses and will need to clean them

he can wear a chastity belt :) for me

likes being came in but will still complain about being gross after

pretty much up for anything, he’s not picky, he just wants to be in control and get off

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #442

“the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care, right?”

Would you ever sell your soul? No. Do you believe that something is going to happen in 2012? Welp, clearly not. I never believed it. Have you ever been to the Grand Canyon? No, but I'd love to! When was the last time you slept in someone else’s bed? Uhhh not since I visited Sara, I think. Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level? Loud, for sure. Louder than I should listen to. Did the last person you kiss have a tattoo? No. What’s the last song you heard? "The Bird and the Worm" by The Used. Has anyone told you they missed you lately? No. What are you most likely to do when you’re exhausted; take a nap, drink some coffee, or go for a run to get yourself pumped up again? Naps definitely win. What are you most likely to pick if you got to choose your topic on a research paper; drug abuse, mental illness, or the death penalty? Mental illness, for sure. What is your favorite month of the year and why? October, bc aesthetic. What’s your least favorite animal? Probably wasps. They're mean fuckers that kill bees. What was your class song when you graduated? Some super shitty country song. Have you ever had to spend the night outside (not camping)? No. What`s the scariest living animal that you`ve petted? A tarantula, I'd say. She was a sweet rose hair that I literally did pet, which you absolutely should not do to tarantulas, but I knew nothing about them at the time. The urticating hairs on their abdomens cause serious itching, and I tell ya, that sure happened. So did you play old school Nintendo or Atari or Sega? If so which one? We had an old Atari for a long time. When/where did you meet your first love? In the hallway, during my sophomore year of high school. Is there anyone you dislike, that you have to see/speak to regularly? Hm, what qualifies as "regularly," really? I don't like my sister's husband, who I see semi-regularly, but I don't really talk to him. Does your family eat any unique foods for Thanksgiving that aren’t the norm? If so, what are they? Nah, not that I can think of. If you eat oatmeal, do you add water or milk to it? What is your favorite flavor? Milk; I don't like it with water. I only eat the apples and cinnamon kind. Was the last video you watched on YouTube a music video? If not, what was it of? It's a let's play. Have you ever been brave enough to cut your hair in a very different way? If you have, did you regret your decision after? Yes, and I still love it. What was the last book you had to read for school? Did you enjoy it, or were you just trying to get through? The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. I loved it. Has anyone you know personally ever won the lottery? If so, how much did they win? Would/have you ever play(ed) the lottery? No to both questions. I have a very addictive personality, so I don't really mess with dangerous things that might tempt that behavior. What band/celebrity/etc. do you know the most information about? Who would you like to learn more about? Markiplier, ha ha. As for who I'd like to know more about... hm. Have your friends met the last person you kissed? Girt has. Who has made the biggest difference in your life? Jason. You get a text from someone saying that they want to hang out - who would you most like it to be from? Also Jason. -_- What is the name on your birth certificate (feel free to withhold your last name for privacy reasons)? Brittany Marie is all you need to know. Even if shopping isn’t your favorite... every girl has a favorite store. What’s yours? My favorite physical store is Hot Topic, but my favorite store overall is Rebel's Market, which I'm pretty sure is just an online source. Which type of undies do you wear most: Thongs, bikini/briefs, bootyshorts, or granny panties? Don't you dare laugh, I prefer "granny panties" lmfao. They're what I'm comfortable in, okay. How many nail polishes do you have, if you were to take a guess? *I* have none. Idk about Mom, but I know not a lot. Are you on birth control? Do you use condoms? I use birth control to regulate my period and ease cramps. If I was sexually active though, both would be musts for me. When did you start your period? How did you react? Who did you tell first? When I got home from school sometime in middle school. I don't remember exactly how old I was, but I was EXTREMELY upset. Like, I cried, because I didn't feel like a kid anymore. My mom was the first to know. Have you ever had sex while on your period? If so, would you ever do it again? NO NO NO NO THAT SOUNDS SO GROSS LKASDFJ;AJW;LKERJA;WEJLRKQWLKE;JR. Which way do you swing (boys, girls, or both)? I'm bi. Or pan. I really don't know. Tell me ALL about your longest/most serious relationship. Are you still in that relationship? How about I don't, because doing that I'm sure will send me in a PTSD spiral. No, we're no longer together. Who is your ALL TIME best friend (don’t count your boyfriend, either, silly!)? Sara. I don't think I've been as close with any other best friend. Which one of your friends has the best singing voice? SARAAAAAAAAAAA. What shade are you in foundation or concealer? I don't have a clue. I don't wear either. Have you ever showered with someone? Boy or girl? Were you completely naked? "Were you completely naked." No, I shower with underwear on. I've showered with my little sister as well as my best friend as a kid. I've never shared a shower as an adult and don't want to. Do you think you’re good enough for the person you like? No. Are you a cuddler or no? If I'm really into you, YUP. And if it's not hot. Wouldn’t it be kinda annoying to have to share a bed every night? No. I miss it sometimes. Have you ever walked on a beach at night? Yes. It's beautiful. Could you go the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? Pretty easily, yeah. Would you marry someone you didn’t love if you were paid 10 thousand dollars? No. I just wouldn't be able to stomach doing that. I'm solely marrying for love. Have you had sex today? I haven't in many years. Do you still care about your last ex? Very very much! Do you own more then one bathing suit? Nope. Is there any alcohol in the fridge? Yeah, but none I like. Who have you recently made up with after fighting? Nobody. Who do you WANT to make up with? Jason. Megan. Do you get scared easily? Hm. It really depends on the situation. Have you seen UP? Never the full movie, actually. I need to. How many coats of mascara do you use? I use it so rarely that I barely know. Two, maybe? What’s your favorite bracelet? The one Sara gave me. I used to always wear it, but it's worn down with time and is too loose for me now, so it's just with my jewelry. What color hair does your mom have? It's naturally gray now, but she dyes it black. Favorite song to listen to when you are mad? "Headache" by Motionless In White does it. What restaurant would you want to work at? NONE. I ain't working with hungry people. I don't want to work with people - period. When people ask “how are you?” do you say “good” even if you aren’t? Depends on who's asking. If it's a stranger or someone I barely know, odds are I'm just going to reply with "fine" or something like that. Were you honestly a good kid? Yes. Is anything wrong with your eyes? I have to wear glasses, so. Have you kissed or hugged anyone today? No. What is your mom’s and dad’s favorite TV show? I don't really know for either. Mom watches loads of shows, and I don't live with Dad, so. I know he really likes The Big Bang Theory, though, which Mom also loves. Have you ever suspected your mom or dad of having an affair? No, but ~supposedly~, Dad did with his now-wife. I don't know what the fuck is true between my parents, though. Do you think buying second hand clothes is gross? It depends on the type of clothing (ex., used underwear is a huge fucking no), as well as the state it's in. Does it gross you out when your parents kiss? They're divorced. That would be incredibly weird, uncomfortable, and impossible with how I know at least Mom feels towards Dad. Do you have a playlist made on YouTube? Yeah, multiple. Do you like dollar stores? I mean, sure? They have good deals occasionally and are a good option to stop for a quick snack or something. Mom doesn't actually *shop* in them, though. What’s the last thing you bought from one? I think a honeybun. Do you think it’s weird how babies are made? Well, yeah. Science can be crazy, though. Have you ever lost a friend over the opposite sex? No. Are you comfortable in a short skirt? I wouldn't be comfortable in ANY skirt. Do you and your family go on a vacation ever year? We essentially never do. Vacations cost money. We don't have money to spare. When you were going out with your last ex and you had the chance to date your celebrity crush, would you have left your bf/gf for them? No, because it's not like I know him personally, while I know her very deeply. Who was your most romantic moment with? Jason. Do you sweat easily? Like you wouldn't BELIEVE. A side effect of one (or even multiple) of my meds is hyperhidrosis, so I can sweat an ocean in two minutes, it seems. It's disgusting, and I am so self-conscious about it. What’s one memory you wish would just vanish? Just a specific moment with Jason that is particularly agonizing to recall. Are you in love with someone? No. Partying or watching a movie? Partying isn't my thing. I'd have more fun watching a movie with friends. What pisses you off the most? Child molesters/rapists, probably. Where do you want to be at a year from now? I just want a job by then, dude. I also hope I've lost a lot of weight. Do you like pickles? Only dill pickles. If you saw someone broken down on the side of the road, would you stop to help? Honestly, no. I don't trust people. What do you do with your plastic grocery bags after you unload your things? We put our plastic bags into one big bag for later use. Have you ever slept in a water bed? Yes. How often do you use Flickr? I don't. I only ever check my friend's for meerkat photos, ha ha. Share three nice memories you have of the person you fell hardest for. No, unless you want me to cry. Have you ever made any of your friends cry? Not deliberately of course, but yes. Do you look decent in your most recent photograph? God no, I look high. Out of all the guys you know, who would you trust to not cheat on you? Girt. I know he never would, especially because HE'S been cheated on. How do you plan on disciplining your children? NOT by physical means, I can tell you that much. If I actually had kids, I'd teach them through (hopefully) primarily deeply talking things out. If need be, there'd be time out, grounding, things like that. I do NOT support methods like spanking your kid, so that's a big no. If you could live in another country, would you? What country? Yes; Canada. If you could change your name, what would you change it to? Quinn, probably. What’s one health problem you wish you didn’t have? It's a tie between depression and anxiety. What is your cure for hiccups? NOTHING works for me. It's the worst. Did you ever do anything in class that annoyed other students? I mean, I don't think so. Have you used a Ouija board and had a freaky experience with it? I've never messed with one, and I don't want to. I don't know if I believe in their supernatural abilities or not, but I ain't fuckin around and finding out. Do you stick with a political party, or vote for who you like best? I pick based on their policies and morals, not necessarily their party. Do you know anyone who is an albino? No. Word search or crossword puzzle? Word searches. When you watch a game show, do you like to see people win or lose? Aw, who wants to see them lose? It's great to see people win and be so excited. Do you have a pair of fake redneck, vampire, etc. teeth? No. What is your favorite Pixar film? Finding Nemo. Do you get really mad when you lose a game? Not at all. I'm not very competitive, and games are about having fun. When was the last time you used a pay phone? I actually don't think I ever have. Who did you have your most amazing kiss with? Jason. Do you go to church every Sunday? I never go to church as I'm not religious. If you had to get famous for one of the following, which would you choose: music, acting, writing, modeling? Writing. What do you think of girls with huge boobs that don’t wear bras in public? Who the fuck cares. If they're comfortable and at least have a shirt on, let 'em. Most women have breasts, big whoop. Do you even like politics? God no. What’s it like at raves? Oh god, I'd never go. Have you ever had a dream in which you were making out, or more, with someone? lol yes

[goblin-a-gogo]

Lasagna's extended relationships with the gang!!1!

Toki: they're best pals. he cant get anyone else to watch ponyo with him. whenever he's in the mood to be childish, he's got Lasagna to humor him and play hello kitty island adventure together. besides, he's a lot easier to talk to than the other band members. she's even been comfortable enough to cry around him once, and he gives good hugs.

Nathan: oooohhhh boy she fucks with him all the time lol. he's like a second dad. she gets on his nerves tbh, she'll giggle and say terms she knows he doesn't understand (like boomer or "what are thooooose?!?") and he gets so confused. though he'll find any of her bullies and tear them to shreds in an instant. she goes to him and asks him for whatever Pickles says no to.

Skwisgaar: he doesn't like her much. to him, she's an annoying little kid who's just sort of around. he doesn't like her invading his privacy or space. BUT he tolerates her more than any other normal jackoff kid. in the sense that he's like, "ours child is clearlys the superiors one."

Murderface: she fucks with him even more than nathan, he's so gullible and hilarious. once you know how his mentality works, it's easy to confuse him. she makes tons of bets with him and wins each one. she tells him false facts she makes up and watches him go his entire life believing it.

Charles: she comes to him nearly every day with a new problem haha,, though in all seriousness she likes him a lot. he sees her off when she goes back to her mom sometimes and though he's really busy and has 000000.1% of time for her, she sits in his office and bugs him with numerous dumb questions.

Pickles: y'all probably know a lot about this one. (He's her dad, boogie woogie woogie) he's unintentionally a little neglectful sometimes, but he really does love her. He's determined to be a cooler dad than his was. Because of this, he spoils her with money and gifts, when in reality all Lasagna really wants is a normal relationship with her dad.

[nightklok]

please tell me something really sappy and sweet about pickles and charles :3 like maybe something they enjoy doing together away from mordhaus and the band, some activity that’s “theirs”, or literally any cute thought you have about them right at this moment 🥰

OH hell yea you know me so well :’) (the wifi was just randomly kicking me out so It wouldn’t let me upload this-)

-Okay honestly I think they’d visit those mom and pop local music stores just for fun. They try to not visit the same place twice (but if there are those old owners who have incredibly wild music stories to tell, of course, they’ll visit more than once) They always enjoy finding some new(or old) band or singer that neither really headr of. It’s probably those bands you find in the dollar bins section of the music store or that has been lying in the same spot for months untouched. Of course, it’s always a hit or miss when it comes to doing it but it’s a fun hobby to find new music that one or the other or both just really enjoy!

-This is just me reminiscing towards my own yearly vacations but if they ever wanted to go on a quick weekend vacation somewhere, they’ll just rent out a house in a beach town. And it’s honestly perfect for the both of them; there’s always the quiet areas of the beach or they could have rented a private area just for them to relax and unwind. There’s even the town itself where it could have something nice cute date ideas; a local bookshop, local restaurants tourists don’t really visit, going to local bars, just the stuff that makes it quiet. And of course, there’s the boardwalk where Pickles would absolutely try and spend a fuck ton of money on those crane machines or carnival games because it’s not a date night at the boardwalk without trying to win those damn stuffed animals or whatever for your partner (even if Charles insists he doesn’t need them but does Pickles listen? No).

-Baking has gotta be something they do together-Charles surprisingly has more of a sweet tooth but oftentimes like to help bake too if he gets the chance. There’s always some new recipe one wants to try and baking is just a relaxing past time for them-. (or as relaxing as it gets baking with an Aries-) Charles oftentimes likes to bake pies or cakes while Pickles is a bit more adventurous in wanting to make complicated recipes. Even if the presentation can end up questionable at times, it still turns out great which is good for them!

-They gotta stargaze, man, there’s honestly something about stars and them that has drawn me to them since the beginning of shipping them (I guess I can blame this partially for the fact I began watching this show just a month before I began astronomy class haha) but I think they go to a local community college’s observatory whenever the sky’s clear and it’s open for star viewing and they just observe the stars up close and get to view whatever planets are in view. Mordhaus probably has an observatory built for that reason too but locations, weather, and timing matter so they oftentimes like to visit other observatories if there was a particular planet or constellation they’d like to see. It’s not really something they say in public or to anyone, really. Not that they’re embarrassed about it but it’s just something they like to keep to themselves as their thing.

[wendynerdwrites]

Guess who got a big chunk of writing done for the first time in months? This gal!

Okay, so here is a rough first chapter of a Metalocalypse fanfic, Dethcomics:

"Gentleman… It seems Dethklok is looking into joining the world of comic books. A call has gone out seeking artists and writers to create a Dethklok graphic novel."

"This could be catastrophic! Every new Dethklok industry venture manages to upset the balance of trade, but a band-sponsored book spreading their messages further?!"

"At least with their music no one can tell what Nathan Explosion is saying. But written in black and white?!"

"Exactly. To elaborate, I have called in expert in comics, Professor Varveil Molfirbygai."

The Professor, skinny and acne-ridden, comes forward, pushing his square-framed glasses up  the bridge of his nose. "Gentlemen, Dethklok have already rejected the proposals by Brian Posehn, Brian Piludo, and Grant Morrison for their books and are tearing through artists one at a time. At this rate, no one in the industry will be left but Rob Liefeld and Devin Grayson. Apparently their contradictory demands and unrealistic expectations have even been characterized by Alan Moore as 'too far out'. Marvel, DC, Image, and Dark Horse have all blacklisted them, leading to the band to launch their own independent publishing house. This could potentially upset the delicate balance of power within the industry. And God help us if the title is snatched up for screen adaptation by Sony or - ugh - Hulu."

"What can we do to nip this in the bud?"

"It seems that Nathan Explosion's new wife, Abigail Remeltindtdrinc and Charles Offdensen have taken a more direct role in monitoring the project. They may prove a stabilizing influence…"

~_~_~

"Ugh, Dildos!" William Murderface hurls his whiskey bottle to the corner of the game room. "These artsy-fartsy types are a bunch of egotistical, emotional dildos!"

"Ja, likes how obsessives and arrogants can yous gets?" Skwissgaar adds, shredding silently on his Gibson. "And sos delicate!"

Toki, leaning back from the Mortal Kombat machine, sniffs. "I's kinds of liked that Yoorerd Way fellows…"

"HE DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ROCK!" Nathan roars from the foosball table, engaging in a fierce battle with Pickles.

"Maybe we should just write it ourselves, y'know." Pickles suggests, "And get, I don't know… Toki, you draw things, right?"

Toki brightens. "I'S DO!"

Skisgaar scoffs, "All's he's draws is girly, fluffy tings like happy bunnies and womens withts de tits covered."

"Toki is even less metal than that Brenden Smalls douchebag! Heh, Brenden Smalls, what did he ever create for anyone?" Murderface adds.

"I cans draw brutal!"

"I'm sure you can, Toki, but I'm afraid that still isn't happening," a firm, female voice calls out.

The room falls silent as Charles and Abigail enter the room. 

"Guys, Abigail may have found someone to write and draw the book," Charles announces.

Abigail blanches slightly, somewhat uncomfortable. "Maybe, if I can convince her."

"Her?" Murderface asks, somehow sounding simultaneously dismissive and aroused. "We can't let ladies make stuff for us!"

Abigail cradles her temple. "See?" She says to Offdensen, "I told you!"

"Why would we wants chicks arounds us?" Skwisgaar asks.

"Guys, we already put out the announcement. You've blown through nearly every acclaimed graphic novel creator in the business. Fans are getting impatient. So if we can get Abigail's friend to do this for us, you will be on your best behavior!"

"Maybe we should give this chick a chance, you know?" Nathan offers, offering his wife a sympathetic look.

"Oh, you're only saying that because your lady suggested it!" Murderface howls, taking a new bottle of alcohol from a Klokateer with a tray. "You're totally whipped, Man!"

Abigail's eyes burn. She smarches over to the couch and yanks the bassist by the ear. He cries out.

"Listen, you talentless sack of piss, this whole project has been taking time away from recording. And you know how I feel about that. You're going to be a good little boy and do as I say, understand?!"

"YES, MA'AM!"

Abigail releases him, leans back, clears her throat, and smooths her blazer. "I apologize for that. I am… not feeling like myself lately. Like I said, I haven't even convinced my friend to do this, I am not even sure I can. But you can all be sure of her qualifications. Her name is Sofia Maldonado, she's been creating comics since she was fifteen. She has worked on titles like The Boys, Swamp Thing, Ms. Marvel, Deadpool, Nightwing, and Batman. She has her own book, The Emerald Pixie, that has been a hit with both critics and readers and has been nominated for four Eisner Awards, winning two."

The band looks at her as if she is speaking Chinese. She sighs.

" Uh, 'Emerald Pixie'?" Nathan inquires, "No offense, Honey, but that doesn't sound very metal."

"The Pixie has retractable ten inch fangs."

"Oh, uh, that's cool, I guess."

"I mean, it can't hurt, I guess." Pickles adds.

"Is she hot?" Murderface asks.

"Yeahs, is she hot?" Skwisgaar asks.

Abigail turns to Charles. "Why am I doing this again?"

Offdensen pats the producer on the arm. "Guys, please, that is irrelevant. And you will keep things professional, or I am cancelling your vacation to Pornfest this year, understand?"

"What?! Can you even do that?!" Pickles cries out.

"As per my new contract with the five of you, I most certainly can." 

The band all grumbles, except for Toki.

"Cans I's shows her my drawings?"

"I'm sure that will be fine."

Abigail sighs. "Look, guys, this woman is a friend of mine, she is good at what she does, and she does not put up with crap. I am going out on a limb for you with this. One wrong move and she bolts. Understand?"

They all grumble again, but answer in the affirmative.

"Excellent." Charles straightens his tie and clears his throat. "Abigail will call up Ms. Maldonado and see if she is willing."

~_~_~_~

"No."

"Just lis-"

"No, Abby, and also: No. Nope. Negative. Nuh-uh. Nein. Not happening. They've run through almost everyone. Do you know how fucked up you have to be to weird out Alan Moore?! The man worships a Roman Snake God, for fucks sake. I am not descending into that pit of testosterone and excess."

"I will keep them in line, I promise. I managed to get them through six albums in as many years. Now that I'm involved, it will be different, I promise."

"Didn't William Murderface once refer to women as 'Serpents with tits'? Abby, I have reached a point in my career where I am through putting up with shit like this. I have had to collaborate with Garth Ennis and Frank Miller. I even spent an entire hour of my life in the presence of Dave Sims. I have done my time."

Abigail groans. "Sof, Charles Offdensen is offering enough for you to put Eddie through preschool, K-12 private, college and grad school someday."

"Emerald Pixie is selling like crazy and Paramount and Universal have approached me for the rights."

"I'll get you an interview for Collegiate."

There's a long pause. 

"...Really? How?"

"I'm an alum, remember? And the Headmistress owes me, like, seven favors. Your son will be playing in the sandbox with the children of Governors and hedge fund owners.”

There’s another pause. Abigail smiles. For all that Sofia has gone on about hating capitalism and her passion for Leftist politics, since her son was born she’d grown a little hypocritical on that front. Not that Abby could blame her. Sofia didn’t have a lot of support, being a single mom. 

“Maybe I’ll consider a meaning.”

Abigail tries a different tactic. “Please do. To be honest, I could really use a friend around here at the moment.”

It’s not something she’d normally say, as independent as she is. But as she makes the statement, she realizes that it’s true. 

Sofia’s voice becomes gentler. “What’s up?” 

Abigail tells her.

Her friend takes a deep breath. “Okay, then. I’ll take the meeting. But I mean it, Abby, one shitty comment---”

“---I know. But hey, look, you’ve met Nathan, and he’s not so bad, right?”

Technically, Sofia had encountered the entire band to varying extents at the wedding. She’d really only spoken to Nathan, and stared, mouth agape, at Pickles’s bender and slurred Best Man’s toast.

“He’s not too bad, I guess. But the rest? Bunch of crazy gringos.”

“Toki is sweet. Pickles actually isn’t bad when he’s not blackout drunk. Skwisgaar can be decent, aside from the arrogance. And Murderface… Don’t worry, I’ll keep my boot to his neck. I’ll keep my boots to all of their necks. I swear. Please, Sof, do this for me.”

Sofia takes yet another deep breath. “Alright. I’ll be available in a couple of weeks. Book me a flight. And I want my Collegiate interview before then.”

“Done. Thank you so much.”

They say their good-byes. Abigail hangs up and leans back against the pillows of her bed, rubbing her temple. Nathan enters the bedroom, looking a little sheepish. 

“Look, uh, I had another talk with the guys. Murderface is in debt again, so I offered to pay it off, if you don’t, uh, mind. That should help keep him… you know… less Murderface.” He sits down on the edge of the bed and takes her hand. “Did she say yes?”

  “We have a single meeting in two weeks. I’m pretty sure I’m going to draw up a list with Charles about things they are not allowed to bring up.”

“You’re sure this is a good idea, right?”

Abigail smiles ruefully. “No, not at all. But it’s the only idea I have.”

“I hope the guys don’t, well, uh, you know…”

“Sofia talks a big game, but she’s tough and willing to put up with more than she lets on. She wouldn’t be where she is if it were otherwise. If we keep them reined in enough, I think we might make this work.”

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

“Hey, I’s remembers her!”

“Shut up, Toki! Don’t be weird!” Pickles snaps as they watch their prospective new artist drop her bags in the middle of the Mordhouse entry hall and look up at the gargantuan ceiling. 

She is tall and athletic, with bronzed skin, blue eyes, and dark brown hair. She wears boot-cut black pants, a red graphic tee, and a black jacket with pins on the lapel. The band all peers at her curiously as Abigail rushes forward to greet her, ask after her son, and re-introduce Charles.

Handshakes are exchanged, and Abigail ushers the band over.

“Sofia, you of course remember my husband Nathan. This is Pickles, the drummer. Skwisgaar Skwigelf, lead guitar.”

“Hi’s.” Skwisgaar offers, obviously trying not to stare at her tits.

“Toki Wartooth, rhythm guitar.”

“Hello’s artist-lady!” Toki bounces on his heels, clutching sheets of paper. “I’s have some drawings, I hopes you like them!” He thrusts them towards her.

The artist smiles kindly and takes them. “I’ll give them a look. Thank you, Mr. Wartooth.”

“Calls me Toki!”

“Thank you, Toki.”

“And finally, William Murderface, bass.”

“Greetings and salutations, Senoriiiiiita!” Murderface grabs the woman’s hand and presses a wet kiss to it before smirking up at her. “Ole.”

Sofia snatches her hand back and glances at Abigail, who glowers at the bassist. “Knock it off, Murderface, or I’ll have you neutered.”

He squeals and jumps back. “S-Sorry.”

"So's, tells me, comics-lady. Cans we's makes dis comic book a pops-ups book and can we's makes the pop-up dragons breathes fire?"

Sofia takes one look at Toki, then another at Abigail. "I'm so glad to be here!"

[bugsrepellsgant]

OKIE ive been kicking this au around my brain for months so here’s an outline or whatever

WORKING TITLE: toki and pickles travel cross country to california like kermit and fozzie in the muppet movie OR toki and pickles do america

TL;DR toki and pickles are both 17-ish, the year is 199X, theyre hauling ass to socal to audition for SnB, but instead they accidentally get dethklok together and fall in love :-)

pickles has freshly stepped out and couch surfed his way to greenbay, and just managed to scrape together enough cash for a bus ride to minneapolis (going east to go west is counterintuitive and dumb but so is american public transport) BUT THEN

toki’s one-ish year out of home, has scraped together enough money working for runke to apply for a passport but once he gets to the offices oh no!!! he doesn’t have any proof of citizenship! and he’s a minor! aw fuck now he’s gotta stow away on an oil tanker cus staying isnt an option (yes this is paddington now)

he lands in boston harbor, gets far enough inland on foot and by ferry until he reaches GREEN BAY, WI and he’s a day or two of panhandling away from meeting the ticket fee BUT THEN

its friday night which means its fucking college football night which means SHITTY COLLEGE BROS HAVE DESCENDED UPON THE CITY!

pickles gets briefly needled for being short and ginger but u know he Lives hes been getting this kind of shit forever. HOWEVER toki is immediately singled out as a funny lookin, high voiced, gnome hat weirdo with an accent and he’s trying to laugh along ??? ha ha?? but its so Bad and pickles feels Bad but he’s gotta get outta here-

Oh God one of the bros tried to to take toki’s guitar away and toki flipped shit and its a fight now!! he’s outnumbered but our boy pickles intervenes!!! they’re winning? OH GOD SOMEONE CALLED THE FUCKING COPS

escape! safe; breathless in an alley; “hey whats yooooour name???” “toki!” “heheheheh toke-ki >B-)” “?????” “im pickles” “you namesed pickle???? ‘,:-/“ bla bla bla oh u play guitar? i play drums but i like guitar too there’s a band in LA i wanna play for ya wanna come with???

a car is obtained at... some point

and OH BOY DOES HE!

a long series of shenanigans occur! our boys get stopped, turned around, detoured, misdirected, all kinds of classic farce bullshit, later on we make and pick up friends at pitstops! a fellow highschool dropout with a killer voice in kissimmee, the best guitarist youve heard in your life dodging swedish mandatory service in chicago, a dude with the stankiest bassline (and feet) that side of the mississippi in the texas panhandle, a TOTAL buzzkill geek of a harvard freshman on summering at his family villa near denver, a cool headed, smart as hell, fuckin julliard composer in training who produces music FOR FUN visiting her family in downtown phoenix.

oh my GOD what is seth fucking DOING HERE is that lady his GIRLFRIEND is she PREGNANT what the HELL GO HOME IF YOU TELL MOM WHERE WE ARE ILL KILL YOU DEAD

seth’s also hanging out with this other guy who seems...... cool? you think? fun, talented, good at guitar like both our boys, pickles’ kinda guy to be honest? there’s something about him thats hard to trust though.

sharing hotel rooms, sleeping in truck beds, they get curious about each others lives? pickles clocked toki as a weird hick at first blush, and tbh he was right but? he went to highschool with farm kids and knows farm kid-weird from weird-weird and toki’s WEIRD-weird. and sweet. and funny. the polaroid in toki keeps of a man and a woman, the man in a reverend’s hat, makes pickles scared to ask. especially since toki’s been cool enough to mind his own business.

toki’s fascinated by pickles’ bouts of righteous anger. unlike runke, his rage has energy and intent, and the stunt he pulled in green bay was so nice and so COOL! he’s one such real cool guy with a cool leather jacket and cool hair... but Why is he so mad all the time? why does he drink so much, it doesnt even taste good? why does he STEAL drinks when they have no money? what happened to toki’s nice, cool, brand new friend pickle? something like what happened to toki? but? pickles is so Cool and Nice and NORMAL and toki is so Weird and Stupid and Wrong in ways toki’s horrified to let him discover. its better not to ask him, he guesses.

feelings get stronger as all the bad things come to light. crying hugs are had. pickles drops what was going to be bus money on a replacement V for toki and toki drops his panhandling dough on a goldtop for pickles.

WE FINALLY GET TO LA AND......? what the fuck

the glam/hair scene is dead in the water. Snakes n Barrels supernova’ed. no more audition. no more career. shit shit shit.

but all the friends weve made along the way are here for our boys! they’ll just start their OWN BAND!!!! TAMPA! MORDHAUS! DETHKLOK’S A-GO!! everythings comin up milhouse!

our boys are Officially *an item* and they ride into the sunset together, stirrup to stirrup, side by side. big gay kiss. the end :-)

OTHER THINGS THAT HAPPEN:

amber goes into labor during one of seth’s drop in visits and everyone gets emo about family as a concept, pickles and seth gave a heart to heart, no one is too metal for feelings when the baby comes bc life is beautiful

magnus pulls some scary/mean bs but its nothing too awful and theres forgiveness and lessons learnt and stuff.

the duel! but theres THREE GUITARISTS?????!!!!!!!!!! MAYBE FOUR?

toki and pickles will both have religious drama but pickles’ drama is more of a sidenote in his list of Issues (pickles’ family is probably catholic and i was raised catholic and i GOTTA project. i GOTTA)

lgbt themes because IM GAY and THEYRE GAY PRRRRBBBBT

murderface? finds love?? GAY LOVE???

this post is too long g-g-g’byeeeee!

[watsonundercover]

Definition of Soulmates

Summary; after having the worst day of Ambrose’ life a surprise twist walks in and catches her heart in ways she’s never expected, for Dimitri, finding the right girl has always been a challenge because he knows he’s heard her before in the back of his mind,

Author’s Note; I’ve based the character Dimitri off of Tom Holland, so I guess this is a bit of a fanfic in that sense. I love the name Ambrose but you can slip your own name and description in if you want!

 Part One

The Market I work in has to be 1500 feet at most, its small but packs a punch given we have two coolers’ for supplies a back area for prep and a small office space taking up a third of the store. The last two thirds are where customers roam amongst the veggies and a small grocery aisle that I know like the back of my hand. Daily I look over it, making sure the shelves are as full as possible since we only order when we fully run out of something.

“What do you think Ambross?” My manager asks he surveys the cereals. “Think we should go for five and take the deal they’re offering?” He constantly gets my name wrong despite me making him sound it out. I also go by Brosie to most.

“I think we could. Tomorrow the rest will come off since it’s the beginning of the week.” I say and kick a milk carton as a make shift step stool in front of some of the honeys. I pull down a box from the top of the shelf to fill up some wildflower honey.

“Good point, which flavours go fastest?” he asks. Lee has noticed that I observe everything and in my two years here figured out the patterns of sales.

“I would say that Chocolate rice stuff, the peanut butter balls and….” My head snaps around as my ears pick up a crash at the end of the aisle. A wail is then coming out a small child, Mum is picking them up and looking at Lee and I with apologetic eyes. Then I see and smell it. The little one dropped a jar of pickled beets. Leaving my honey on the step stool I go and grab a bag from the front cash to get the debris into. Lee without a word has gone to the back to get the mop.

“I’m so sorry.” Mom says as I get on my knees to get up the beats and glass.

“It’s alright.” I say with a smile. “Little ones are usually way too curious with what’s on the bottom shelves, I keep telling my boss we should have unbreakable things there.” I stand with most of the glass in the bag, Lee appears with the mop to get up the juice, making it easier for me to see the last of the broken glass. I step to the side where the Mom is. The little boy now at eye level with me. “You wanted to know what those were huh?” I ask with a lighter tone to him. He nods and curls into her. I’m guessing he’s not even three.

“Brosie there’s some glass there.” Lee says and I bend to snatch it up. “Oh shoot….”

“Ah!” I gasp and yank my hand back as a piece of glass that Lee nor I didn’t see jabs into my hand.  It’s dug in deep enough a steady flow of blood to come out.

“Back now.” Lee orders and I pass him the bag to go into the back to get a wad of paper towel to get the bleeding to stop. There my co worker and friend Ana comes in for the start of her shift. She takes in the sight of me and yanks out on of her head phones.

“You okay?” She asks.

“Cut my hand.” I say. “Broken jar. Was cleaning it but…” She cuts me off by coming and taking my hand to look over it.  She grabs another wad of paper towel to wet and dab at my hand. She then grabs the first aid kit from the end of the big back shelf.

“It’s not too deep, lets just clean it….”

“Holy shit.” I breathe and nearly yank back my hand as she presses an antiseptic cloth to it.

“Wuss.” She hisses.

“How about I pour alcohol on your paper cuts? Or lemon juice?” I bite back.  That makes her laugh. She’s also one of my few friends that I am constantly bantering with. She’s an artist like me and insists on having handmade sketchbooks where the pages aren’t even and cuts her fingers on them constantly. Right now I spy band aids on two of her fingers.

“This needs more than a band aid.” She states and grabs some butterfly strips to pull my skin together with.  I wince as Lee comes back.

“Are you okay?” He asks and put the mop to the side to come and see. “Oh shoot, does it hurt?” He sees Ana’s work before she wraps gauze around my hand as an extra precaution.

“A little.” I admit. “I have some Tylenol in my bag if it does start to hurt.”

“Alright. Um maybe take a breather, then finish what you had started in the aisle, you pulled down something I think.”

“Honey.” I say. “We’re almost out of it so I brought it down to top up the shelf.” That prompts Ana to go and drop her bag in the small back aisle next to the bathroom that also leads to the back door. Ana appears again with my water bottle to throw at me. Fumbling I manage to catch it, banging it on my cut a little I try to not flinch but I glug back about half of it to get some fluids in me after losing some blood.  I take a few deep breaths as Lee gets the mop back away in the bathroom.

I drink more water. Feeling back to normal I go back to the aisle and finish up the honey I pulled out. I then see that another brand needs to be stocked up, I go out to find the back stock under the table with apples and come back. As I slide it on I get my skinny arms back there to even everything out and pull some forward.

Crabcakes! I pull my hand out as a sharp sting shoots up my arm and tears well in my eyes. I see it shaking at a large lumps forms where a wasp has stung me.  I look at the back of the shelf and see a small nest formed by some honeycomb at the back. The little turkeys seem to have taken it hostage because of a poor packaging design.  I shake out my hand but the pain is not going away. I beeline to the back to some Tylenol. Lee sees the few tears that escape.

“Is your hand hurting?” He asks. I show off the impressive lump that is swelling fast. His eyes grow huge. “What happened?!” he jumps up and off the stool to inspect it.

“Freaking wasp.” I gasp trying to not sob. “There’s a new nest by the honeycombs.”

“Great.” Lee huffs and has me sit. “I’ll see if Ana has any antihistamines, if not I’ll go get you some.” Lee disappears around the corner to find her. Only a minute later I see her dash into the cooler them comes back out holding a bag of ice she must have taken off of some of the veggies.

“You can’t seem to win today.” She says and passes me the make shift ice pack to press onto my hand.

“Yeah not really.” I breathe and try to take a deep breath to stay calm.

“How long have you been working now” She asks.

“About two hours and a bit.” I say. Lee shows back up holding the antihistamines for me. I take one, Ana grabs my water bottle so I can get it down.

“Maybe she could have a break just to recover Lee?” Ana suggests and looks at him.

“Good idea.” He says. With that I grab my lunch bag and step out into the back porch to sit and watch the woods. I eat some yogurt and my sandwich, I sip at water and decide that it’s too chilly for it. A hot chocolate from the coffee shop would be nice. I have a half hour break so I get up retrieve my wallet then walk along the back gravel to come out at the end of this bit of the mini mall. Out on the side walk I avoid other people’s eyes so no one can tell I’ve been crying. Past the main grocery store that is our rival I continue on to the third strip of building where a coffee shop is on the end. Inside I order my hot chocolate, pay and wait over at the side.

“Ambrose?” I hear and glance around for who said it. Being at the market means a lot of people recognize me and a lot of my family is in the area too. But this voice is one I recognize but can’t place. My heart freezes when I see its source.

Ben.

A young man with enough muscle to make any girl swoon and parted brown hair. My stomach clenches as his greenish eyes meet mine.

“Medium hot chocolate to go.” The barista calls out and I grab it and move to get out.

“Brosie.” I hear Ben call as he comes after me. “Brosie come on, don’t act like this.” He grabs my wounded hand as he catches up to me and I nearly screech. I yank back and cradle it against myself and fight some tears. “If anyone really should be like this it should be me.” Ben huffs. “You are the one who broke off the friendship.” I grind my teeth and look down at my hand. Crap, he’s torn the cut open enough to bleed. He then sees the crimson on the white gauze. “Oh shit.” He breathes and tries to take it to see.

“Leave me alone Ben.” I say loud enough for heads to turn.

“You’re bleeding let me help, you know I’m training to be….”

“A paramedic, yes I know. I knew everything about you while you barely knew me Ben. Plus why do you care now? You treated me like crap the last few months of our friendship.” I bite and turn to stalk away. Within a second I’m suddenly staring at Ben’s tiny but round ass. He’s grabbed me in fireman’s hold, something he’s done before. “Let me go!” I shout and try to struggle but his arms squeeze my middle tightly to keep me in control. With the shock of him picking me up I’ve dropped my hot chocolate. “Ben come on! Let me go!”

He sets me down in the back of his truck and grabs a medical kit he always keeps on hand. I however dive to the side as he tries to grab at my hand again.

“Cut it out!” I bark and dodge to the back of the wagon.

“Ambrose I’m trying to help you.” He argues. “Something you say I never did.”

“Ben if you want to help me let me go and leave me alone.” I bite back and meet his eye for him to read words I uttered to him over six months ago, I fucking hate you, you treat me like shit. I then utter; “You’re only making a scene with me now because you want attention, you want to be the hero for my hand, you want me to dote on you for it. Guess what, that’s never going to happen again.” That makes him launch at me. My psychology evaluation of him has always been something I’ve kept to myself. Now it’s just pissed him off.

“Hey!” Someone shouts and he’s being pulled off of me. “What the hell?!” Ben is being thrown out of the back and I see two fit looking guys. One with blonde hair and blue eyes is helping me up, the other has a hood up covering his face. “You alright sweetie?” The blonde asks with an accent that is music to my ears.

“Get her out Henry.” Someone is saying as Ben stands to see two other people there, a larger young man and a beautiful girl. However I have my theories about beauty, that if you say beauty as a blanket term you get self-conscious, if you identify what kind of beauty it is, you can feel a little better. For her, with dark frizzy hair and sharp dark eyes that seem to stare into souls far too easily, it’s an exotic kind of beauty. Something you don’t see very often. The one in the hoodie is then helping me down to the blonde who’s jumped out. As his hands guide me down I feel something seize in my chest. Something that I can only call parapsychological, the sense of something only I can feel through my soul.

“Are you alright?’ The blonde is asking. “Did he touch you…?” I take off, the question prompting too many wrong things that happened during Ben and I’s friendship. I get back to work with tears burning in my eyes. I just go to the back porch to bury my face in my hands. Ana appears at my side.

“I heard someone saying they saw you and Ben arguing…” She says and wraps her arms around me tightly. The only good thing about the end of that friendship is that I found out who my real friends are. Including Ana. She gets me to sit down on the top step then holds out something that comforts us both, the salted milk chocolate bar that we sell.

“Thanks.” I whisper hoarsely and break off a chunk. I look at my fit watch to see that my break is almost up.  I let the chocolate melt on my tongue and have the flavours swirl around my mouth to savour it. Being mindful of how I’ve covered more receptors there to send the happy message of dopamine to be released in my brain. Chocolate is an easily addictive crack.  She still holds it out me. I break off another piece.

“Do you want to go home?” She asks. I feel calm again, I shake my head. If I keep my water bottle close or make a cup of tea I should be okay. “Okay, let’s get you patched up again, what happened now?” She takes my hand to see how bloody the gauze is.

“Ben being a dramatic ass.” I say. That gets her up to get the first aid kit and yes, more antiseptic to clean it up. I’d take Ana helping me out over Ben any day medical wise.

“What an ass.” She mutters redoing the gauze wrap. “Can’t even get out of his own head to notice you’re hurt.”

“Thanks Ana.” I murmur and begin plotting on making her a batch of cookies for helping. If I get a mix after work I can do it up tonight, I’d have to get some extra chocolate chips since I put the last of some in brownies the other week.

“Let’s get you back inside or Lee will have my head.” She says. I dawn my apron and carefully tie it around my waist. I take deep breaths and remind myself that if I remain calm, everything else will. What you put out has a way of coming back at you. The incident with Ben now is only a reflection of how I had to be when I told him we were no longer friends. Mean and ruthless. Unlike my normal self that usually understands everything and is kind. You had to be kind for yourself too I remind myself. Lee takes one look at me and gives me a few things to stock. I’m done in a few minutes.

“Err, do you want to do some chips?” He asks, however I see what he’s really asking if I feel okay enough to be climbing up and onto the edge of the veggie rack to get the boxes stored up there. I nod, feeling right down into my core, something that I know is strong and what I’ll use to get up there. Lee leaves it at that. First I check out what we need, we’re scarce with a bunch. I get a milk crate as my middle ground and wait patiently for people to be out of the way before climbing up.

“Careful monkey.” My co-worker World says deeply as he watches me. He’s East Indian and after a few sassy remarks from me when I finally warmed up to him, claimed I must have been a sister from another life.

“I always am.” I say and swing down gracefully with a box. World’s eyes watch my movements as I go back up for another then check out what else I need, a few more flavours then one of the another brand. I go up as world goes to refill his cart with more apples to stock, making that short aisle now clear. I glance around, no one is here, I could make a stack to make it easier. I get a box and sink down in a squat still balanced on the edge to only stretch back up and check around again. I’m startled with the appearance with the sight of the beautiful girl from the parking lot staring at me.  I try to think nothing of it and turn back to get a box and find it stuck behind a bar in the top of the rack. I know not to do this but I try it anyway, I just yank.

I yank too hard.  The sudden force sends my balance off and I scramble to grab hold of the top of the rack but I don’t act fast enough and start falling back.

“Arms!” I hear someone shout and feel my fall cut off shorter than I expected it. I’ve been caught by someone. Letting out a shaky breath I look up into auburn eyes that are wide as they stare back at me. I then recognize the hoodie he’s wearing. My arms tingle as he so easily holds me.

“Ambrose!” Ana calls as she comes over, World in tow. He takes that as a sign to get me down on my feet. He doesn’t seem to mind as I lean on his shoulder to steady myself.  Ana is then grabbing me, looking over my shaken state. “Are you okay?” As she asks it the shock hits and I find that I can’t speak.

“Let’s get you in the back.” Ana says and leads me away from him. I can’t help but glance at him, see his handsome face, sharp square jawline and those eyes that are not coming off me. Lee is all over me, trying to get me out of the haze, snapping, waving at me, and trying to get me to speak. World breaks it, get grabs his warm coffee mug and sets it in my hand. Temperature difference. An ice bucket would have worked too.

“Bross you okay?” Lee asks.

“She doesn’t need to answer.” Ana declares. “She’s had a shit day and is going home.” She grabs her car keys. She then passes me my backpack. I rub at my face, the day has been insane, and I’ve been pushing too much to get through it. For some reason the universe wants me to be down, or not here.

“I’ll go home but I can walk Ana.” I squeak. She raises an eyebrow at me.

“Not with the state you’re in, plus if Ben happens to cross your path again I don’t want him to get the better of you.” She’s being protective and kind, something Ben never was.

“Go, it shouldn’t take Ana too long right?” Lee asks.

“Ten minutes at most.” I say. With that Ana gets me up to guide me out. We pass by the group that got Ben away from me, the guy in the hoodie doesn’t take his eyes off me, the girl gives me a curious look, the other boys start nudging the hoodie. That’s when he looks away and down. Ana pulls me away and out of sight me to form one thought, somehow, magically, my soul knows his.

[izuku-midoryias-blog]

Chapter 1: Drown

"What are you getting at, Mom?" I asked, currently on the phone with my mother. She had actually called to talk to Mykal, my older brother, as well as see how Lucii, my niece, was doing, but Mykal made us both talk and I was pretty much being told to take a hike. "You know exactly what I'm getting at, Rayne; you are always in trouble, even if it is just with your father and me. I do not want you around my son and granddaughter. You need to find somewhere else to live," my mom stated bluntly. "Yeah, okay. Fuck you too bitch!" I shouted, hanging up the phone. I would have thrown it, but it was my brother's cell. I sighed, sitting Mykal's phone on the table, as he walks back into the living room, after putting Lucii in bed. "Hey, Myk, Luce ready for me to tuck her in?" I asked my brother, while he was eyeing me, as if he was asking for answers to what had went on. "Yep, she sure is, started saying Aunty as soon as I stepped foot into her room," Mykal stated, nodding his head. I smiled, 'If mother thinks I'm going stay away from my niece, that bitch is sorely mistaken.' I thought to myself, walking into Lucii's room. "Alright, Miss Miss, its time for Aunty to read you a story and then tuck you in," I said smiling, while picking up Green Eggs and Ham by Dr Seuss & Goldilocks and the Three Bears by I have no earthly idea! Lucii picks Goldilocks and the Three Bears, as usual. I read her book to her, turn on her little iPod (which has Black Veil Brides entire discography on it), tuck her in and leave the room. As I walk back into the kitchen, Mykal was sitting at the table, waiting for me to come back and make my evening snack, fried pickles and onions. "So, what did mom say to you?" He asks me as I get out the ingredients to fry some pickles and onions. "She basically kicked me out and fold me to stay away from you and Lucii," I stated, answering his question as I battered the onion sliced. "Why in the hell would she say that?" "Because, up until recently, I was literally always in trouble, even if it was just with mom and dad. Oh! Excuse me, John and Kait, as I'm not allowed to call them mom and dad," I sighed and rolled my eyes as I pulled my onions and pickles out of the grease. "Kait is just a bitch as it is," Mykal stated, laughing. "She can't kick you out. She isn't paying my bills and you're helping me out by watching Lucii. Besides, you've promised me you would stay out of trouble, because if you don't you know you would be on the streets and you wouldn't be able to see Lucii." I nodded my head, agreeing with my brother. My birthday is coming up soon, so I spent most of my free time trying to figure out what my brother was getting me. I heard that my favorite band, Falling in Reverse, was coming to town, my hometown! I sat there, cheesing, while fangirling internally. "What are you grinning about, Rayne?" Mykal asked, waving his hand in front of my face, bringing me from my thoughts. "Oh! I saw, somewhere that Falling in Reverse is coming here to Janesville!" I said excitedly. Mykal rolls his eyes, "I'm going to bed, and you should get some shut-eye yourself. Oh, and, Rayne, don't worry about Kait you aren't going anywhere. Got it?" I half smiled at my big brother "Got it! Thanks, bub." I finish my snack, do my dishes and head to bed. I lay in bed, on top of the blanket, just staring at the ceiling. Thoughts from my mother's conversation and mine are ringing in my mind, seeming to echo, driving me mad. 'You're always in trouble! Always in trouble! Always in trouble! Stay away from my son and granddaughter. My son and granddaughter. My son and granddaughter.' I groan and cover my face, with my pillow, hoping to drown out my thoughts. I lay there for five to ten minutes, my thoughts now starting to scream at me. I sigh and roll off my bed, throwing my pillow back to my bed. Walking over to my closet, I am now arguing with myself on whether I should do what I'm about to do or not. 'Mykal wouldn't mind as long as it doesn't get excessive.' 'It doesn't matter! You haven't touched any since you ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning 9 years ago! Don't do it, Rayne, you'll go back to your old ways and then you'll end up on the streets!' I argue with myself for an hour or two, my sober side almost winning. Almost. I open my closet door, turn on the light and walk into the back, opening a secret compartment in the wall. I sit and stare at my big bottle of Southern Comfort, before eventually taking the bottle out, along with a shot glass. I pour myself a shot of my SOCO and take a shot with nothing to chase it. The liquor slides down my throat, burning all the way down, it had never tasted so good in my life. I sit there for a little bit, happy with my decision. Putting up the bottle and shot glass, I get up and leave the closet, feeling satisfied. The feeling of satisfaction doesn't last long, though, after about 10-15 minutes, my thoughts started flooding back, but louder than before. 'You are always in trouble! Stay away from my son and granddaughter! You are always in trouble, Rayne, are you ever going to quit?' I sigh and sit up against my closet door, trying not to think. Everyday I fight my urges to do what I quit doing when I moved in with Mykal right after I turned 18. Mykal thought going to a group therapy for "troubled teens" would help me fight the urges and quit, but it actually almost landed my ass in jail. One of the people in therapy, Jacob, had barely been theft free, like it was only a couple days, if that, since he had stolen anything. Anyway, Jacob had told everyone about the last time he had stolen, since Emmanuel, the group therapist, had asked him. Apparently, Jacob's last time stealing was him boosting someone's vehicle, a blue 1973 Chevrolet Camaro SS with a 350 big block, of course, as he was telling us about the car he boosted, he was grinning, like he could still feel the rush from stealing. The real interesting thing was that was my first and last trip to group therapy. Right after Emmanuel released us from group, I was outside, trying to unlock a beautiful black 1960 Dodge Charger RT, without any tools and without having to break any of the windows. As I was fighting to unlock the car, the owner came out. I got lucky, the owner was Emmanuel. Emmanuel said that he would not press charges and he won't say anything to my big brother, as long as I didn't come back to group, as it was obvious group didn't help just a little bit, as it should on the first visit. - My thoughts were pretty loud, 'Rayne, why are you always in trouble? You are nothing but trouble! Maybe I should stay away from Lucii and Mykal, if I don't, there could be a possibility that I could cause Mykal to have Lucii taken away.' I retrieve the hidden bottle of liquor & shot glass and pour myself another shot. "Why do I have to be the one my parents never seem to claim when I get in trouble?" I question to myself out loud, "I wonder if I was adopted. I never seem to look like John and Kait." I never hear anyone talk about similarities between Mykal and I. Actually, I always heard people talk about how Mykal and I looked so different from each other. I always heard people ask if I was adopted, but I never managed to hear John and Kait's answer. I pick up the bottle, tipping it back, managing to drink up to about half of the bottle, before needing air. I lay there thinking about all the times I got in trouble and was brought home by the cops, all the times I got screamed at by John and Kait for coming home in a cop car, for getting kicked out of school (I was beating up the bullies, but the principal was a bitch and just didn't care) and for not doing anything the right way John and Kait wanted me to do whatever it was they wanted.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #376

“when the wind bends the branch to softly touch me  /  when the band plays your song  /  i feel strong enough to keep dreaming”

If your s/o smoked pot/did drugs would you care? Yes, but for pot that's only because it's illegal here. I also find smoking to be a turn-off, but I'd be able to look past that if it was for actual health reasons. Do people ever call you by your last name? No. Has the last person you dated/fell in love with ever seen you cry? Yes. Where are you going on your next vacation (or where do you WANT to go)? I've got none planned, nor do I know where I'd want to prioritize. Like there's South Africa, but I first need to get healthier before I could handle the heat and trudging through sand. I want to go to Yellowstone National Park to spread Teddy's ashes there (seeking permission of course), but again, I need to be in better shape before I go on a venture of photographing there, as well. I need to be healthier to do a lot of the things I want to... Do you own anything bought in another country? No. Who do you text the most? Sara. Four things you wish you had? Better health (including mental), financial stability, a job, and motivation to indulge more in my artistic hobbies. What was the last thing you cried about? Stress regarding this dog we're stuck with. What is your favorite Elvis song? Probably "You're The Devil In Disguise." Do you think you could be the next American Idol? Ha, absolutely not. Do you prefer reading fiction or non-fiction? Fiction, by a long shot. Does anybody send you money in the mail for your birthday? No. My grampa used to, but he's been dead a couple years. Who is one person you met and automatically didn’t like? I was not a fan of a doctor I once saw for my tremors. She was very rude and just threw the idea of me having Parkinson's or something at what, 17 years old or whatever? My psychiatrist knows her as well and knows she's a whackjob. Heard her name and was essentially like "ew" lmao. What monster would you be most afraid to have in your closet? A male one with a knife, I guess. I really hate knives. And men scare me anyway. Which Adam Sandler movie do you like the most? I don't know, he's in too many to possibly think of one right off the top of my head. Who was one of your first celebrity crushes? Jesse McCartney was my first true love, haha. Have you ever been hit on through text messages? Yes. Do you have to do any yard work? No. Have you ever mowed the lawn? No. Do you get an allowance? No. Did you ever know your great grandparents? I think I knew one? There was this woman from my childhood I knew as "GG" for "great grandma," but I have no recollection of who she was related to or even if she was directly related to me. I remember that I really really liked her, though. Do you like the taste of Tums? It's the texture I really don't like. The candy-like Tums though, y'know, not the chalky ones, I like more than someone should like medicine, haha. How about Pepto Bismol? Omfg no. Do you have a fast or slow metabolism? I have a slow metabolism, but thank Christ it's not as bad as when I was on Abilify. That stupid fucking medicine was the reason I gained so much weight that I haven't been able to lose. What’s your favorite onomatopoeia? (Crash, bang, zoom, meow) I dunno. Do you eat ramen? There's only one specific kind of ramen I've had that I like: Yakisoba's spicy chicken one. Sweet or regular pickles? Regular. I don't like sweet pickles. What kind of dreams do you have most often? Since my nightmares started, violent ones. I'm usually trying to defend myself or lashing out at someone myself. What do you do for personal growth? I try to be a deep thinker, for one. This can way too easily lead to overthinking, but I appreciate that I think it at least helps me learn from my mistakes and work towards making me a better person. I need to start challenging my anxiety more, as that would definitely be massive growth... If you could read anyone’s mind, who would be the first person you’d read? Jason's, only because all I want to know is if he thinks I was emotionally abusive after the breakup or not. But I also don't want to know. Do you have a makeup item or style trick that you feel improves your look significantly and that you feel like you couldn’t go without now that you have it? No. What’s your favourite cereal? Probably Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but I like a lot of cereals. Do you prefer red wine or white wine? I don't like wine. Way too bitter. Do you read Reddit? If so, how often and what subreddits do you like? I don't, but I've thought about lurking on a reptile husbandry one or something like that. Might learn some stuff. But at the same time, there are so many conflicting and very strong opinions amongst hobbyists to the point of awful toxicity that I'd rather not read. Have you recently broken up with a significant other or even just a friend? No. Have you ever eaten at a restaurant and left without paying? God no. When was the last time you played a board game? What did you play? Probably Scrabble back when Sara visited. Do you primarily use cash or card for your purchases? Why? Cash, because I don't have a debit or credit card. Do you believe sex should be mandatory in an ongoing dating relationship? Um, no? Some people don't care for it, and that's completely fine. Have you ever recorded yourself doing a cover of a song? No. Any secrets you’d never tell anyone? No matter how close they are to you? Yes. Do you like deviled eggs? NO. FUCK that yolk shit. What career are you most interested in? I still think my first career goal, a paleontologist, would be most interesting and exciting. Like just IMAGINE discovering a new dinosaur. And it's such a job of passion - you have to be so, SO careful and invest so much time in slowly recovering it from millions of years of rock and sand and time. I can only imagine the feeling of accomplishment when an excavation is complete. Have you ever seen a rooster? Yeah? What do you think about religion? Honestly, I personally wish it had never been a thing. It's brought with it so much hatred and bigotry, but I do acknowledge at the same time it's brought great comfort and hope to some people, and that's wonderful. But just all things considered, I feel it's done more harm than good. What’s your favorite sweetheart name (baby, honey, angel, dumpling) Probably "lovely." Has a little kid ever fallen asleep on your lap before? Yes, back when I babysat my neighbor's kid once. Have you ever thrown a grenade? Yikes, no. Have you ever talked face to face with someone famous before? No. Have you ever owned a rocking horse? I don't think so? If you could meet anyone in the world who would it be? HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Have you ever wished you were dead? Yes. Is it awkward when people start talking all deep around you? No, I actually like deep convos. Have you ever played the old school Pac Man arcade game? Possibly? Ever played Mario Karts on Nintendo 64? No. Have you ever been scuba diving? No. Can you surf/boogie board? No. Do you like Chinese food, Mexican food, or American food better? American. What’s your favorite thing to order from Taco Bell? Cheese quesadilla and fiesta potatos. Sometimes I get the cinnabon delight thingies, but I avoid 'em with how unhealthy they are. Do you like hot, cold, or lukewarm showers? Pretty hot. Do you like to swing? I LOVED swinging as a kid. I haven't done it in a very long time now. How about jumping on a trampoline? I loved that as a kiddo, too. I haven't done that in years. What are you favorite color eyes? Sapphire blue or like an emerald green. Do you have long arm hair? Nah, at least I don't think so. What third generation console is your favorite? PS3, Xbox 360, or Wii? I loved my PS3. I'm still so bummed mine broke. How often do you like to have sex? I'm not sexually active, but even when I was, I didn't care. Do you have a facial expression you seem to pull a lot? What is it? Not really. I think I look stoic most of the time. Do you always listen to music when you’re online? No; I usually have a let's play or something like that on that I can split my screen and watch while doing something else. If so, what are you currently listening to? I'm listening to "Love Goes On And On" by Lindsey Stirling and Amy Lee right now. Do you ever forget how to do really simple things? Like what? Yes, like how to control the laundry machine and other things like that. There's just so many options that I never, ever remember what to set it to, no matter how many times Mom shows me. That's how my memory is with most things these days, really... Were you born with naturally straight teeth? No; I needed braces. If you were the opposite gender, what name would you like to be called? Uhhh maybe Severin. Do you prefer original or sour Skittles? I love both, but sour wins. What about chocolate or peanut M&M’s? I also enjoy both, but the original are better. Your favourite band: Do you prefer their old or new stuff? That's like... impossible to answer, lol. I just love everything. Do you check to make sure your ear phones are going in the right ear? No. Do you secretly still listen to Ace of Base? I have no idea who that is. Have you ever broken someone else’s bone? No, thank goodness. I'd feel awful. Is it stupid to think you can write a book at thirteen? No?????????? There are incredibly talented writers out there at young ages. Hell, I remember as a kid, I wanted to be the youngest published author way before that age. Are you ever embarrassed about what you dream about? There've been some I wouldn't share. Have you ever had sex with someone as a favor? No, and I never would. Does your mom let you date? I'm 25, my dude. She let me when I felt ready, though. If you had the last person you kissed’s Facebook password, would you go snooping through their stuff? Why or why not? She doesn't have one, but hypothetically, fuck no. Because that's none of my damn business, and it still wouldn't be even if we were still dating. Have you ever fainted? If so, when was the last time? If not have you ever come close? I've fainted once when I was a teen and have come close many other times. Ever take a keyboarding class? Do you type using the skills you learned in class, or how you used to before you took the class? Yeah; it was mandatory for I think one year in middle school. I type how I was taught in there. Do you find your best friend’s significant other/crush attractive? She doesn't have an s/o, and idk who her "real" crush is, as much as she'd love Frieza to be real, haha. What do you do with your clothes that don’t fit anymore or just don’t want? Donate them. Do you cut out coupons? My mom will keep some fast food ones she gets in the mail sometimes. Did you ever breathe in helium and talk funny afterwards? I think I did once at a birthday party, but I'm unsure. Would you ever open your own business? If so, what kind of business could you imagine yourself having? I want to be a freelance photographer so, so badly. I want to specialize in nature and wildlife, but having a boudoir studio would be great to help keep me afloat, plus I adore the art of boudoir. I've shot it once for an old friend, and by god, I loved how empowered it made her feel, especially as a plus-sized woman. She adored the pictures, and I'd just love to help other clients feel like they're gorgeous in their unique body, too. Last type of candy you ate? I had a donut from Starbuck's yesterday. Did you decorate your house for Halloween? If so, how many decorations? Did you go all out, or just put up a few things? Mom and I don't really decorate anymore. :/

[faitomato]

i kept getting tagged a lot last week so ive decided to put them in one post lol

Rules: Answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions. (nooooooo)

Tagged by @turretty and @joeshmoe189!

Coke or Pepsi:neither, i dont like soda

Disney or Dreamworks: both, but overall disney i think

Coffee or Tea: coffee

Books or Movies: movies

Windows or Mac: windows

DC or Marvel: both

XBOX or Playstation: both

Dragon Age or Mass Effect: idk, i havent played much Bioware

Night Owl or Early Riser: night owl

Cards or Chess: cards

Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate

Vans or Converse: neither/both, idk

Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash or Adaar: UM. IVE PLAYED DA:I VERY LITTLE. IDC

Fluff or Angst: BOTH, but i like a happy ending :’D

Beach or Forests: ughgh idk. despite hating the ocean i like beaches themselves a lot

Dogs or Cats: BOTH

Clear skies or Rain: clear, usually

Cooking or Eating out: eating out

Spicy food or Mild food: mild, i am very white

Halloween/Samhain or Solstice/Yule/Christmas: idk, i have a hard time enjoying holidiays. halloween??

Would you rather be a little too cold or a little too hot?: a little too cold

If you could have a superpower, what would it be: shapeshifting?

Animation or Live action: both, but i adore animation

Paragon or Renegade: paragon, im too nice :’D

Baths or Showers: showers, but i bathe when i want to relax more

Team Cap or Team Iron Man: both/neither

Fantasy or Sci-Fi: both

Do you have 3 or 4 favourite quotes: yeah probably but i cant remember them lol

YouTube or Netflix: youtube??

Harry Potter or Percy Jackson: neither, never read em :U

When do you feel accomplished: when i finish something big or win a contest

Star Wars or Star Trek: i like both, but Star Wars

Paperback books or Hardback books: hardback

Handwriting or Type: type all the way

Velvet or Satin: neither, but i prefer velvet

Video games or Movies: aahhhhhhhhh idk

Would you rather be the dragon or own the dragon: own the dragon, but im already a dragon (year of the dragon, baby)

Learning Chinese or Learning Spanish: spanish

Would you rather be able to speak every language or be able to speak to animals: aw shit. probably speak every language

Be front row for your favourite artists and not meet them, or meet them but have lawn seats : lawn seats, i think. id make a fool of myself if we met :’D

City or Countryside: countryside, more like suburban tho. i like being in big cities tho

Would you rather be a mutant, jedi or wizard: uuUUUUUHHH, MUTANT?

Fried pickles or Mozzarella Sticks: ive never had a fried pickle, so mozzarella sticks :U

Vampires or Werewolves: eh, werewolves

Pizza or Pasta: pizza but i love both

Watching a movie at a cinema with the excitement of its night premiere or wait a few days and watch it later more relaxed: either

What is your favourite band or singer?: sh it.... i dunno... Linkin Park??

What is your favorite fruit?: grapes or kiwi!

Fuzzy socks or slippers?: socks

Dusk or Dawn?: dusk

Would you rather Travel Through Time or Travel Through Alternate Universes?: alternate universes?

What’s the first book you remember reading? hmmm.. Charlotte’s Web?

Deep space, or deep sea? deep space, but im still freakin terrified

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? aw shit i dunno. ive gotten a lot on my art and some on my acting, and my siblings are always lamenting about me looking cute when i go out, but i cant pin point an exact one

Would you rather play a physical sport or a sports video game? depends, usually video game

Favorite baked good? donuts

Pro-milk or Anti-milk? PROOOOOOO

my question: Sour or sweet candy?

Tagged by @saulof-tarsus and @turretty

Rules: tag people you want to get to know better.

Zodiac sign: Leo

Birthday: July 25th, 2000

Relationship status: single

Pets: 2 cats, Vesper and Ezra

Wake up time: 10:30am...... or later...... help me....

Dr Pepper: nah, i dont like soda

Call or text: text

Last person I called: who know, probably my mom

Last person I texted: @ahedgehogonthesea​

Chapstick or lipstick: both

Number of piercings: one in each ear lobe, but i want to maybe get cartilage piercings in the future :o

Tattoos: none, i am bab

im not gonna tag anyone cause yall already tagged me and idk who else to tag :’D @ahedgehogonthesea and @soldier-poet-king yall can do either/both of these if u want!

[mitsukiyaki]

Highlights of my schools male beauty pageant (this years theme was disney princesses)

-Ar iel kept flashing everyone

-During the pre-show fashion show at lunch, all the princesses twerked

INTERVIEW

-Everyone dragging pocahontas for her chest hair

-When asked to give incoming freshman advice, Elsa said “go stupid ahhh go crazy”

-When asked who their favorite princess is, Merida said “my beautiful girlfriend” and finger-gunned, then the screen froze and did the Eric Andre “we’ll be right back” thing, also adding a text that said “he was later dumped”

-Mulan was clearly gay andkept dragging all the other princesses

-When asked who should win, Cinderella gave a really long answer about how amazing everyone was, and every few seconds they would cut to all the other guys saying “me”

TALENTS

Oh this whole thing was golden

-Pocahontas was an Indian guy with a thick accent and did a horrible rap

-Belle sang New York, New York and it wasn’t funny but I love him and my crush performed in the band

-When doing magic tricks, Merida made awful dad jokes the whole time (That’s Dan for you) and when he asked his assistant, a little boy no more than eight, for a high-five, the boy walked off stage. Also he made a hilarious “size doesn’t matter” joke

-Anna from frozen did an exercise video where he talked like a mom and had his friends join him and he dragged the girl for not being able to move her hips and it was great omg

- Jasmine did air drumming which sounds lame but he did an amazing job and it was funny because he dropped his sticks and then banged his head on the drum while looking for them all with just sound affects and this kid would kill in an improv class

-Moana had this giant football player lay in bed pretending to be a little kid and the fb player said “daddy daddy! read me a story” and the moana literally rapped chicka chicka boom boom it was iconic

-ELSA LITERALLY CAME OUT IN A HEAD WRAP, ROBE, AND SLIPPERS TO DO ASMR AND EAT PICKLES AND MADE DICK JOKES AND STUFF AND HE WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY HE EVEN WENT TO THE JUDGES TABLE AND MADE OUR TEACHERS EAT CARROTS INTO THE MICROPHONE AND EVERY TIME A TEACHER CRUNCHED THE WHOLE FUCKING AUDIENCE WENT WILD IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE

- Y’all. Ariel came out in FULL FUCKING DRAG AND LIP-SYNCED MICHAEL BUBLE AND HE SAT ON HIS DADS LAP WHILE SINGING AND PUT BEAD NECKLACES AROUND HIM. IT WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY. I LOVE HIM

FORMAL WEAR

Nothing special happened except fucking Ariel again. He walks out in a tux and a GIANT GONG and screams “KONNICHIWA” and then he and the rest of his japanese class proceeded to do the weirdest fucking line dance I’ve ever seen I’ll let you know if I find the name of it but i’ll let you know

The only other thing was at the end when they waited for the judges to decide, all the guys danced to Old Town Road.

[cowardlytrait]

☀ 100 questions no one really asks ☀

i was tagged by @batsysims , thank you ! 😊

1. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED?

i sleep with it closed !! it’s mainly so one of my younger sisters doesn’t go in there tbh 

2. DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS? i’ve never actually stayed at a hotel so no djghdfgbd

3. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT? out?? whenever i do sleep with a sheet on my bed, because i tend to not remake my bed so i generally sleep without a sheet for a while which i know isnt good for you so im trying to break that :/ 

4. HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE? i considered it once, bc i was walking to my friends place on new years eve and i saw a street sign that fell in a storm , and i almost took it.. except i still had 10 more mins until i got to her house , and i didnt want to have the possibility of getting caught . also ?? idk how  i wouldve brought it home on the bus 

5. DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES?  y e! but i dont use them enough ngl 

6. DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM? nah, but my mom does that v often . and i often have a bunch of coupon reciepts / punch cards from different places that i always forget about 

7. WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES? hhhhh bees

8. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES? i have a few !! primarily on my arms and legs, and a few on my face,, i never really had many until last year 

9. DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES? yes?? im p bad at smiling for photos tho ngl 

10. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? when someone asks me to do something, and then i say sure.. and then they repeat it like 2 mins later and im like.. fa m, now i dont wanna 

11. DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK? sometimes ! a lot of the time i end up focusing on not stepping on cracks tho?? idk it’s a weird habit i started sometime last year that im trying not to do 

12. HAVE YOU PEED IN THE WOODS? nah

13. HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS? nah 

14. DO YOU EVER DANCE EVEN IF THERES NO MUSIC PLAYING? sometimes yeah ! i tend to if im dancing with one of my siblings tho , like just grabbing their hands and making them dance with me 

15. DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS? yupyupyupyup :/

16. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK? 0 x 0 = 0 

17. WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED? a single? i dk it’s small and sucks ng l 

18. WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK? u  h h h  h h h  , probably are we there yet?  - ingrid michaelson 

19. IS IT OK FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK? yupyup! ! ! 

20. DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS? yup ! voltron is actually currently one of my favorite shows , but i also watch su and several other cartoons ! i also watch anime when i feel like it but not as often as i used to 

21. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE? minions 

22. WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME? idek ?? defos not anywhere in this town that’s fo sure 

23. WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER? depends ! sometimes water, sometimes milk, sometimes juice. but generally i try to avoid drinking anything while eating and have a drink afterwards

24. WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN? i usually dont dip them in anything , but depending on my mood: mayo or ketchup 

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD? pizza ! 

26. WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE? u h h , titan ae , the fifth element, any barbie movies and more tbh 

27. LAST PERSON, YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU? i cant remember? i probably kissed my brother on the forehead but idk 

28. WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT? nope

29. WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE? if cash is involved absolutely

30. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER? i wrote a letter in my friends’ birthday cards. 

31. CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL ON A CAR? nope : /

32. EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET? djhsd i dont even have my G2 yet and cant even drive so o o 

33. EVER RAN OUT OF GAS? nope 

34. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF SANDWICH? meat, pickles, and cheese 

35. BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST? toast + chocolate milk 

36. WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME? 11 or 12 (altho my sleeping schedule has been fucked for the past week) 

37. ARE YOU LAZY? lmao yeah 

38. WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN? i was once a goth fairy, a dead nerd and a lady bug ! those are the ones i remember off the top of my head fgjfdgd 

39. WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN? tiger ! 

40. HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK? i can only speak english, but i have a vague understanding of french 

41. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS? nope

42. WHICH ARE BETTER: LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS? wtf are lincoln logs  update: i’ve never played with lincoln logs in my life so legos 

43. ARE YOU STUBBORN? very

44. WHO IS BETTER: LENO OR LETTERMAN? ?? idk 

45. EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS? when i was younger and my mom would ,yup 

46. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? very ! 

47. DO YOU SING IN THE CAR? yup ! often when me and 3 of my friends hand out we will drive around and listen to musicals + other music ! 

48. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? if im listening to music yuppers ! 

49. DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR? same as 47 ^ 

50. EVER USED A GUN? nope

51. LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER? last se

52. DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY? sometimes, but i still really enjoy them so !! 

53. IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL? oh boi yeah, esp because of all the kids in my house + my mom’s family, and this year i’ll be dog sitting around that time so this year is gonna be f u n 

54. EVER EAT A PIEROGI? not authentic ones, but yeah ! altho im allergic to potatoes so i dont eat them v much at all anymore 

55. FAVORITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE? i dont like pie actually :/

56. OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID? i always wanted to be a teacher ! since like grade 3, but now i want to be a graphic designer , but tbh being a history teacher would be fun as well ! 

57. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? yeah i do 

58. EVER HAVE A DEJA-VU FEELING? all the time 

59. DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY? nah :/  i probs should lmao 

60. DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS? nope 

61. DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE? nah 

62. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED? usually just my undies but when im living with other people il wear a soft shirt and my dc heroes pajama bottoms ayyy

63. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT? justin bieber in grade 8 i think ?? 

64. WALMART, TARGET, OR KMART? walmart bc there’s no more targets in canada.. otherwise, target

65. NIKE OR ADIDAS? niether 

66. CHEETOS OR FRITOS? cheetos... idk what fritos are lmao 

67. PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS? neither tbh 

68. EVER HEAR OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN? no 

69. EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS? i wanted to but never did “/

70. IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING? idk ?? 

71. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? i dont think so ? 

72. EVER WON A SPELLING BEE? i think i was in one once?? but i dont remember it ?? did i win who knows

73. HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY? oh yeah boi 

74. OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS? nope,  but my dad owns a lot !  

75. OWN A RECORD PLAYER? my dad does ! 

76. DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE? nah, but my mom does ! 

77. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? i think so? ? 

78. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT? real friends, hanson, set it off and more tbh 

79. WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW? same as 63

80. HOT TEA OR COLD TEA? hot!!!!

81. TEA OR COFFEE? coffee!!!!!!! !! ! ! ! ! !

82. SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES? sugar cookies !! 

83. CAN YOU SWIM WELL? nah lmao im shit 

84. CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE? yup

85. ARE YOU PATIENT? depends ! im p patient with kids, but have no patience when it comes to being late or waiting on someone. 

86. DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING? band probs

87. EVER WON A CONTEST? i once won a 4ft cat in the hat from my local short stop when i was 4 

88. HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY? nah  89. WHICH ARE BETTER: BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES? neither 

90. CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET? i learned how to crochet once?? but i forgot it so neither lmao 

91. BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE? livingroom or bedroom 

92. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? sort off? ?

93. IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? no

94. WHO WAS YOUR HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH? uh  h h  m  , currently crushing on someone actually lmao 

95. DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY? no?? 

96. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? nope 

97. DO YOU WANT KIDS? yup ! ! 

98. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? pink !! ! ! ! !  !

99. DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW? sort off?? i miss my old best friend and i feel sort of disconnected rn with everyone

100. WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TAG TO DO THIS TAG NEXT? uhhh , idk who’s done this so i guess @geekmoodlet @maimouth @applezingsims @simprising @shook-sims if you’ve already done it then just ignore this ! ! ! 😝

[poetryatrest]

Music Monday: Queer Tunes Edition

Aaaaannnndddd we’re back with some music-related goodness. I have a pretty lengthy Spotify playlist of songs from LGBTQA+ artists, and I figured I’d compile it all here for accessibility. I’m constantly adding new artists to the playlists (below), so give those a follow if you want to be up to date.

1) This one is EVERY SONG IN EVERY ARTIST’S DISCOGRAPHY AND IT IS DAUNTING AS HELL.

2) This one is a (constantly updated) playlist of all my favorite songs from these artists.

Allison Weiss

Like The Front Bottoms (Allison was actually featured on “Cough It Out” and a few other songs off of the newest Front Bottoms album), but just a single person writing kick ass indie pop/orck songs.

Songs to check out: “Motorbike” and “I Was An Island”

Gay, uses both female (she/her) and neutral (them/they) pronouns.

BOY

My friend Frank recommended this band to me by calling them “the gay Death Cab for Cutie,” so I guess they’re the gay Death Cab for Cutie.

Songs to check out: “Waitress” and “Boris.”

Brendan Maclean

Wonderful poppy songs about heartache and stuff.

Songs to check out: “Stupid” and “Hugs Not Drugs (Or Both).”

Gay.

Camp Cope

Really good indie rock music with fantastic lyricism. They’re also Australian, kind of have a Courtney Barnett vibe.

Songs to check out: "Jet Fuel Can’t Melt Steel Beams” and “Flesh and Electricity.”

I can’t find a source anywhere, but lead singer Georgia McDonald is on the spectrum somewhere, and the band is vocal in its support of LGBTQA+ issues.

Chris Pureka

The queer, more laid back Shakey Graves.

Songs to check out: “Burning Bridges,” “Cynical” and “Back in the Ring.”

Genderqueer.

Courtney Barnett

Singer/songwriter with a cool garage rock flair.

Songs to check out: “Pedestrian at Best” and “Pickles from the Jar.”

Gay.

Cyberbully Mom Club

Lo-fi indie pop. Normally not crazy about lo-fi stuff, but this band does it really well and the lyrics are great too.

Songs to check out: “Drunk Text Romance” and “Life Time Warranty.”

Lead singer Shari Heck has been open about gender identity and the “boxes” of binary genders, but hasn’t assigned themselves a label from what I’ve seen.

Des Ark

Chill acoustic/indie music.

Songs to check out: “Peace to You Too, Motherfucker” and “You Pregnant Motherfucker.” Both are pretty relaxed despite their titles.

Front woman Aimée Collet Argote identifies as queer.

Hemming

Young singer/songwriter, very sad and very Julien Baker-esque. I want to protect her.

Songs to check out: “I’ll Never Be the Man for You” and “Some of My Friends.”

Gay.

Hurray for the Riff Raff

Imagine Johnny Cash. Now imagine him as a queer female fronting a band. That’s kinda what this band is like.

Songs to check out: “I Know It’s Wrong (But That’s Alright)” and “Jealous Guy.”

Frontwoman Alynda Lee Segarra identifies as queer, fiddler Yosi Perlstein is trans.

Jenny Owen Youngs

Jenny Owen Youngs is like the musical equivalent of the first person you ever had a crush on and I want to hug her a million times.

Songs to check out: “Born to Lose” and “Last Person.” 

Bonus: Her cover of Jukebox the Ghost’s “Good Day,” her cover of Weezer’s “Getchoo” AND her cover of Nelly’s “Hot in Herre.”

Gay, plus she’s married to the Queen of Gay Kristin Russo (one of the founders of Everyone is Gay).

Jesse Thomas

Just say yes to more women making cool indie music.

Songs to check out: “Use Me Up” and “Leather Jacket.”

Gay.

Julia Weldon

A good mix of some folky sentiments with indie rock flair.

Songs to check out: “Marian” (I like the version from the self-titled album better) and “Same Games”

Identifies as queer and “definitely not a lesbian folk singer.”

Julien Baker

Sad, acoustic music. Like a female Bon Iver or something.

So sad, so many feels. 

I want to love her.

Songs to check out: “Everybody Does and “Something.”

Gay, and also transparent about being a gay person that is 1) Christian and 2) from the South, if that’s enticing.

Mal Blum

The purest, sweetest cinnamon roll in the entire world making really good, relatable music.

Songs to check out: “New Years Eve” and “The Bodies, The Zombies!”

Non-binary and pansexual.

Mo Kenney

More swell folkish music (more of an indie rock vibe on the latest).

Songs to check out: “I Faked It” and “The Happy Song.”

Gay.

Natasha Negovanlis

Because that chick from Carmilla everyone loves also makes some pretty good music.

The only three songs on her Bandcamp are pretty spotty in terms of genre (”Nothing” has a more pop/rock vibe while “Green” is a slower, more straight pop song and “27″ is weirdly jazzy).

Songs to check out: All of them, but “Nothing” is my favorite because I just dig the whole vibe.

Unspecified, label defying queer. The queen of my heart.

No Girlfriends

Swell punk music.

Songs to check out: “You’re Impossible” and “Proposition.”

They’re literally all crushworthy lesbians and the name is a pun because they’re...all single BUT ALSO because they were apparently getting sick of people just assuming they were “the girlfriends” of dudes in bands.

Palehound

Very nice lo-fi rock. Sometimes verges into grunge territory.

Songs to check out: “Dixie” and “Molly,” just so you get the full spectrum of sounds in there.

Ellen Kempner is queer.

Partner

MORE indie rock music, because that’s what the world needs.

Literally this band has a song about Ellen Page AND they straight up just use the word “lesbian” whilst referring to themselves/Ellen Page in said song.

Songs to check out: “The Ellen Page” and “Hot Knives.”

Gayyyyyyyyyyy.

Porch Cat

Lo-fi, bedroom rock/folkish punk music.

Songs to check out: “The Haircut Song” (I like the acoustic version from “Little Songs” best) and “If Yr Not Happy.” Bonus: “Want to Be Free (I’m An Asshole Too)” with accompanying band The Fair-weather Family. 

Non-binary.

Sleater-Kinney

Motherfucking Sleater-Kinney.

Songs to check out: All of them, but also “Surface Envy” and “You’re No Rock N’ Roll Fun.”

Members Carrie Brownstein and Corin Tucker are bisexual.

SOAK

Soulful folk music (literally, hence “SOAK”) from Ireland. The accent is endearing.

Songs to check out: “B a noBody” and “Hailstones Don’t Hurt.”

Gay.

Soko

For the most part folky/poppy, but charted into some rockish territory on the newest release.

Songs to check out: “Who Wears the Pants??” and “Why Don’t You Eat Me Now, You Can.”

Gonna put her down as pansexual/bisexual, ‘cause in an interview she said she preferred girls but had been with guys before, so.

(She also ended the aforementioned interview by saying “I love pussy,” so there’s that.)

Sports

Kind of like Modern Baseball but with a female lead singer, ya feel?

Songs to check out: “Getting On in Spite of You” and “GDP.”

Queer.

St. Vincent

Excellent, poppy indie rock.

Songs to check out: “Paris is Burning” and “Actor Out of Work.”

Unspecified queer/pansexual/dates a lot of hot women, so she’s just kinda winning at life.

Tegan and Sara

Motherfucking Tegan and Sara.

Songs to check out: Their entire discography, but also “Shock to Your System” and “Frozen.”

Gay times two.

Torres

Indie singer/songwriter.

Songs to check out: “Jealousy And I” and “New Skin.”

Gay.