#BUT it's also really hot to me personally. which is a dilemma

[wandaxpietro]

relapsed thinking about eriklorna again. fucked up fucked up fucked up

[amazingmaeve]

matt murdock fic recommendations

I know that this was already uploaded ages ago but the link that it was really weird and I couldn’t edit it so I just thought about redoing it and putting them here. also some won’t be on here because the link isn’t working and I couldn’t find it.

anyways these are fics that I just love and adore and deserve all the praise and attention they get. so you should totally give them all the likes and comments because the authors sure as hell deserve it.

also what i interpret things as fluff/angst might be different to other people and it's just an opinion based.

💕= fluff 💋= smut 🌧️ = angst 🎭 = dark

ೃ⁀➷ a slow day [💕💋] by @solemnly-mischievous

summary — It's a slow day in Hell's Kitchen, and you decide to bother Matt about it. He fixes the problem.

ೃ⁀➷ sleepless nights [💕🌧️] by @carters-things

summary — matt finds out you haven't been sleeping

ೃ⁀➷ im gonna ruin you [💕💋] by @aimerriarkle

summary — years after graduating from columbia law, you unexpectedly face the pair of men you were once acquainted with—one more than the other—in a case which you were prosecuting. one of them asks you to dinner for old time's sake, despite it being a conflict of interest, but it's just dinner, right?

ೃ⁀➷ moving in [💕] by @darling-i-read-it

summary — matt asks you to move in with him because he thinks he needs to be near you at all times otherwise you die.

ೃ⁀➷ stress by [💕💋] @stranger-nightmare

summary — Matt’s had a long and stressful night at work, you decide to make him feel better

ೃ⁀➷ the defense rests [💕🌧️] by @dameronology

summary — aka romeo & juliet, except you're a hot young d.a intern & matt is a hot lawyer

ೃ⁀➷ let me hear you [💕💋🌧️] by @stranger-nightmare

summary — Matt encourages you to be a bit louder…

ೃ⁀➷ no sympathy from the devil [💋💕] by @write-orflight

summary — Matt Murdock finds himself in the dilemma of helping the rich girl study

ೃ⁀➷ running red [🌧️💕] by @titan-sl8yer

summary — Matt cleans you up after getting mugged

ೃ⁀➷ overworked [💋💕] by @writingdumpster

summary — you've been overworking yourself. Matt drags you away from your work and helps you relax.

ೃ⁀➷ what’s your middle name [💋💕] by @thegingerwriter

summary — Matt finds out some things about you and uses them to his advantage

ೃ⁀➷ fleeing moments [🌧️💕] by @titan-sl8yer

summary — Sweet moments with Matt when he comes back home

ೃ⁀➷ morning after [💕] by @spideyhexx

summary — the lovely morning after with matt murdock

ೃ⁀➷ woman ii [💕💋] by @petertingle-yipyip

summary — As Karen’s lifelong friend, you came to Hell’s Kitchen for a visit. But she lets you in on a little bet she has going and the prize is quite tempting.

ೃ⁀➷ the seven stages of matt murdocks jealousy [💕🌧️] by @alrighty-matty

summary — a step-by-step explanation of matt murdock’s jealousy

ೃ⁀➷ I know you wanna go to heaven but you’re human tonight [💕💋]by @2-fast-2-curious

summary — Your husband and forever Valentine, Matt Murdock is working too much. You surprise him at the office but you’re the one who’s going to be in for a surprise.

ೃ⁀➷ idle hands [💋] by @beyondspaceandstars

summary — There’s something about Matt’s hands and you know what they say, idle hands are Devil’s handiwork.

ೃ⁀➷ the girl next door [💕💋] by @deceitfuldevil

summary — You’re fresh out of college and just starting a new job in Hell’s Kitchen, moving into a studio apartment next to a friendly neighbor with a fun personality. Matt Murdock, lawyer and joyfully self deprecating about his disability after your first interaction included you reaching your hand out for him to shake. What you didn’t know about Matt Murdock was who he became at night, and that he could hear every little last thing you were doing next door.

ೃ⁀➷ devilish [💋] by @foli-vora

summary — You spent a bit more money than you probably should have on some particular scraps of lace that really have no reason being that expensive, but it’s worth every cent when you get to ‘show’ it off.

ೃ⁀➷ distractions [💋] by @milf-murdock

summary — Matt gets very distracted during movie nights. I mean, what else is he supposed to do?

ೃ⁀➷ sick twisted fantasy ii [🌧️💕] by @multiharlot

summary — you finally meet foggy and karen, and karen has her reservations about your guys’ relationship 

ೃ⁀➷ fragile [🌧️💕] by @devils-dares

summary — sometimes matt slips into a headspace after a bad day of vigilantism, and he needs a friend to help coax him out.

ೃ⁀➷ matching pairs [💕] by @peachiswritingg

summary — Your love language is gift giving and you want to make your partner’s days better.

ೃ⁀➷ buttercup [🌧️💕💋] by @thyme-in-a-bubble

summary — little did you know that your new next-door neighbour, the very guy you have an embarrassingly large crush on, is the masked vigilante who saved you a little over a year ago.

ೃ⁀➷ nighttime activities [💕💋🌧️] by @crazyxshit

ೃ⁀➷ the devil of hell’s kitchen [💕💋🌧️] by @arahxdjarin

ೃ⁀➷ new case [💕] by @darling-i-read-it

ೃ⁀➷ stress relief [💋] by @fluffyprettykitty

ೃ⁀➷ heartbeat [💕] by @darling-i-read-it

ೃ⁀➷ flirting at work [💕] by @pastafossa

ೃ⁀➷ up against the wall kiss [💕] by @pastafossa

ೃ⁀➷ justice is blind [💋] by @lovelybucky1

ೃ⁀➷ nsfw alphabet [💋] by @lovelybucky1

ೃ⁀➷ far from innocent [💋💕] by @singledadharrington

[its-your-girl-geekerella]

Wicked Movie Review

Spoilers Ahead. (Obviously)

Okay, I saw it on opening night release day. I've just been busy. And here are my thoughts:

Pre-watch. I was hoping for the best. The trailers were amazing, and the budget seemed sufficient for all it wanted to do. The vocals seemed a little off, but that was only because they had to make it "fit" for the trailer score. So I had high hopes!

But I was also preparing for the worst. After all, movie adaptations of musicals have a bad reputation for a reason. And all the promotion they were doing? I was certain they were compensating for something. And besides that, I had almost no faith (again, aside from what I heard in the trailer) in Ariana Grande. I don't really listen to her music, but I've heard a few of her songs. I honestly didn't think she could do musical theatre.

And boy, was I wrong.

Post-watch. It. Was. Amazing. I absolutely LOVED it. Ariana CRUSHED it! I think she did better than some Glindas on Broadway! In every scene leading up to the Ozdust Ballroom, I hated her. And I LOVED hating her. I think some Glindas just don't have that hateability, or they're too charming. But not Ariana. And during "Popular"? I absolutely loved it! She was great!

Cynthia Erivo did great, too. Her voice singing the riff at the end of "Defying Gravity" will certainly take getting used to, but it was, objectively, good. Her acting was on point, and I absolutely loved watching her. Say what you will about the woman's poster dilemma, the woman has a powerful presence onscreen. I honestly never doubted her ability.

Some random thoughts:

The script. The script was practically word-for-word of the musical. Some people might find it annoying and predictable. I, for one, found it charming and-- frankly-- reassuring. I knew what was coming a lot of the time, even if they did change some minor plot points (if you can even call them "plot points"; like I said, they were minor and didn't change the course of the story at all). For example, Mr. Thropp doesn't already have Elphaba enrolled at the school in the movie. But because I know how the story goes, I was sitting in the theater saying to myself, "He's gonna say 'go with her'". And guess what? He did.

Unfortunately, the script being word-for-word (and a lot of theatre kids knowing certain lines from the musical) partially ruins the impact or comedy of certain lines. The most notable one was when Fiyero and Elphaba are in the woods with the cub. Elphaba informs him that he's bleeding, and says, "It must have scratched you." He replies, a bit disassociated because of her touch, "Yeah... or maybe... it scratched me or something." Typically, in the theater, Broadway, regional, or high school, the audience laughs at this line. You know how many people laughed at it in the movie theater? Zero. Zilch. Except me. The delivery was AWFUL. I honestly can't believe that Jon didn't have that line reshot. Which brings me to Jonathan Bailey.

Jonathan Bailey is... a good actor? I personally haven't seen him in anything other than Wicked. But I do know that he is a good looking actor. However, I do believe that he was miscast for this role for three reasons. 1) Like I said, the comedy was not exactly there. Another example: "I've been thinking" "So I heard" However, I won't count that one against him, as I feel that one was mostly Cynthia's fault. 2) At first, I thought that Cynthia Erivo would look too old to play Elphaba, but I got over it really quickly. It was easy for me to see her as a college-aged student. And let's be honest, Ariana Grande will always look like a child, so that was never a problem. Jonathan Bailey, though? He doesn't look like a college student. He looks like a really hot 36-year-old man. And this kinda goes into my last point. 3) He was too intentional. I think Fiyero's character is dynamic in a variety of ways, and Jonathan's portrayal seems more like "Act II Fiyero" than "Act I Fiyero". Act I Fiyero's whole deal is that he's extremely loose. And while, yes, Elphaba calls it out as a façade, I think it's still a part of him that is a bit dumb (see the disassociated "scratched" comment or the "thinking" comment). I think if Jonathan had tried to play Fiyero more "dumb jock", it would've worked better, because his natural acting inclination would've counteracted it just enough.

I feel bad for complaining about Jonathan Bailey for so long. So onto the songs! The score was amazing. The music was amazing. The vocals were amazing. My favorite song was "What Is This Feeling?" The camera angles in this scene were amazing, and the choreography slaps so hard.

Right before "One Short Day", I thought to myself, "I sure hope we get an Idina and Kristin cameo!" Guess what happened. Truthfully, I barely heard a word they were singing, I was too busy bouncing in my chair and fangirling with one of my friends to hear them.

If there's someone I didn't mention (I'm looking at you Ethan and Michelle), it's because they did a good job and I don't have any particular opinion on them. Overall, I really enjoyed the movie! My favorite song was "What Is This Feeling", Jonathan Bailey was the weakest part of the movie, and it was a lot better than I thought it would be. And it was really fun to fangirl with other theatre kids.

[kyoteugly]

911 8x07 Hotshots

This episode didn’t give me much to work with, so it’s not really a meta post but something in between with my personal opinion. Mostly about Buck.

First of all I want to say that Tim commenting fandom through FlashRob and Hotshots - nice move. Also Bobby storyline - awesome! Love it! So much fun!

BUCK: Too many baking scenes for my taste. 3 time reminder can be a little annoying, but… I thought about it in context to the lightning strike and Brad saying his character is in a coma. Buck knows calling Tommy is wrong, because deep down it’s not Tommy he misses but how comfortable in his own skin he felt and of course the rush of new relationship which allowed him to explore his sexuality. So yes, baking is about Buck not understanding what his next move should be in terms of being bi. The line about which pond to jump into is the quintessence of his dilemma, the core of falling into baking string.  Tommy didn’t teach him anything, didn’t show him queer spaces, didn’t introduce him to people who would make Buck feel more sure/comfortable about his sexuality. Buck didn’t seem to need it, because he felt comfortable with Tommy, and this is what is drawing him back. It can be scary to take that step alone, and while I have no doubt Buck wouldn’t have a problem flirting with guys, I believe he is stuck at the start line, meaning he doesn’t know which guys he can flirt with. It’s not rocket science, but when you’re sitting alone at home, thinking you want some intimacy with a male friend, you suddenly realize you have no idea what to do, where to look, so it’s natural you miss and seek familiarity.  Let’s circle back for a moment. Buck said he doesn’t know which pond to jump into… he didn’t say he doesn’t want to jump at all, or that he’s not ready. And this is why I think his obsessive baking has nothing to do with Tommy and everything to do with his sexuality and understanding himself. He followed an easy path - a guy kissed him (confusing him about his feelings by the way), they got into a relationship and he never analyzed it too deeply what it meant to him. Now he’s left to figure it out by himself. And here is where coma comes into play. Buck is stuck right now, unsure, a little lost. If you want to go further you can say his world has changed and he has to learn the rules anew (like in his dream). The key to waking up from a coma was to realize that being Buck is enough. Well, it’s still true in terms of his sexuality, and I think that calling himself ‘bisexual’ on screen would be a nice end to his struggle and a nice step forward. 

It would be really funny if Buck would figure himself out in the same episode that Brad’s character would wake up from coma. 

Another thing about Buck I want to mention is more sweet and Buddie related.  The scene in the firehouse, how Eddie steals Buck’s phone, playing hot potato with it. Come on, it’s basically a school puppy courting. If Buck had braids Eddie would be pulling them. And Buck even asked the teacher for help, and Bobby actually had to admonish/tap Eddie to give Buck his phone back. It’s a nice way to show that Buck is not alone, and his family, however savage sometimes, are there for him. It’s also a nice way to show goofy Eddie, the one who tries to be joyful (that little hop over the couch, awww), and it’s easy and natural with Buck. This scene also made me think about what Maddie said: “So does this boy-crush on Eddie mean you’re finally ready to move on from Abby?” I’m probably seeing too much into this, but it makes me happy so… who cares!

Now, I see a lot of people upset about Buck and Eddie being stuck, like there is no progress compared to the last episode. But I think it’s not that bad. These things, figuring yourself out, takes time, and I believe Tim is taking every opportunity to tell their individual stories right. It’s better to drop a few short scenes telling the audience “Buck is struggling, Eddie is choosing joy” than put something more significant into the episode with 2 other big plotlines. I know it feels like Buck and Eddie are on two different paths, parallel to each other, but those paths will meet eventually and we won’t be prepared for that. 

We should watch our backs, because something is coming right at us. This is actually the theme of this episode…

Starting with Athena - at that sting operation, when she was told she’ll have a rookie and later when she shares her opinion about him. Gerrard and Bobby have Brad creeping behind them. Eddie get scared by the Chief, and of course his scene with Buck when he gives the phone back (and this one is the closest of them all).

Now… I would ignore it, call it a comic relief if that would happen once or twice (Athena with the rookie, and Bobby with Brad), but seven times? Something’s up… And I have a feeling it's about next episode. Maybe someone's past will catch up to them, or someone will hear something they shouldn't, or not being aware of their surroundings will put them in danger... I don't know, there is something ominous about it. Or you know, I missed something deeper in this episode or this is a message for us, fans, like I said, to watch ourselves because we have no idea what’s coming. Or maybe... someone is watching us...

[leajdh]

Gold rush

Chapter Five: You who shimmy shook my bone, leaving me stranded all in love on my own.

He was just a few more steps away from becoming a living legend. Already praised by the media as the honored one, he made a grave mistake which not only put his Ice Hockey career on hold, it disappointed even his most loyal fans so much so that his reputation sank to an all-time low.

Then he meets you; a retired figure skating champion who is now trying to find her purpose in life after her triumphs, all while still being loved and cherished by the media and public likewise.

Satoru Gojo sees his chance to not only get back unto the rink, but also to regain his former popularity.

But he soon realizes it will be a lot harder to get on your good side, because he's everything you despise combined into one person.

Will you give him a second chance and allow him to redeem himself, or is this going to be the match for your life time?

Gojo Satoru x reader (first person narrator)

Ice Hockey AU

FAKE DATING TROPE

Enemies to lovers

English isn't my first language, so expect some grammar errors

18+!!

ALL CHAPTERS: https://www.tumblr.com/leajdh/722300699873083392/all-chapter-of-my-satoru-gojo-x-reader-fanfiction?source=share

Suguru was right. 

The people love us. The picture he took yesterday of Satoru and me went viral. Not even ten minutes after it was posted on Satorus instagram page, it had over 20k likes and over a thousand comments. Surely some comments were negative but that was predictable and mostly they were genuinely nice. We got a whole lot of comments telling us that we are perfect for each other, which is such an internet thing to say, because they don’t know anything about us other than we are both skating on ice. Well, certainly this is enough for the public to think we are compatible. 

We had a good run since the picture was taken. I don’t feel awkward or nervous around Satoru anymore. Against my better judgment sleeping with him really helped. I can look at him without having the sudden urge to run away and hide. 

And I like to look at him, especially when he is training with his focused face, listening to everything Mei Mei screams at him, but still completely absorbed in his flow. I have only watched him train for about thirty minutes, however I was hooked by his movements. The itch to watch him far longer was there, but I didn’t want to come across as if I have any kind of interest in him outside of our contract. 

The way I smiled at him in this goddamn picture was enough to set me off. 

I slept with him, I smiled like a simpleton at him and now I even enjoyed him playing Ice Hockey, the sport I hate more than anything. 

I had to press on my mental brake. Falling for him isn’t an option. After all, I still have my doubts about him. I can’t throw them all over board because we had sex. He is ever so unpredictable and arrogant and just not the one for me. 

At least social media proved itself useful in my dilemma. A user posted an edit of the way I glance before I step on the ice followed by a clip of Satoru doing the same. Once we are on the ice, knowing something is there to win, we both look and act the same. 

Maybe that’s what fascinates me when I watch him train. It is like looking in a macabre mirror, seeing another person as infatuated as myself with being the best. We have the same fixed stare, head slightly tilted downwards, looking up between our lashes and noticing everything around us without losing our center. Shoulders and back straight and neck long. The perfect posture, even while stepping and sliding on the ice.

I wish to know if his heart has the same beat as mine in these kinds of moments. Strong enough to feel it pulsate in my ears, feeling the blood flow hot up and down my carotid artery, vision focused but also blurry from the frenzy. 

The emergence of goosebumps all over the skin, not enough for others to notice, but just enough to feel it happening out of fever and being filled up with enough adrenaline to knock out a thousand men, but just enough of it to calm one maniac. 

I realized from the moment he blackmailed me with this video of us, we are cut from the same cloth. 

Since then I was on the lookout, my guard up to the moon but he still managed to slip right through and got the upper hand over me by noticing one of my weaknesses. 

How I am actually really insecure whenever I am not on the ice. 

How fragile my self-perception is. 

How important the voices of others are. 

How my life is one big ongoing performance. 

I let him see a glimpse of the real me and in return I got nothing. All I know about him, I can read online. Just some standard information. Granted our contract was formed because he wants his popularity back. Something that seems important to him. Nevertheless Suguru was the one who told me the resentment of his fans affected Satoru. It wasn’t Satoru who openly claimed and explained it. 

He doesn’t let me in and it pisses me off. 

I don’t want him to win. When we will walk out of the contract, I want to have the upper hand.  

Should we be a team? Absolutely. 

Are we both team players? Absolutely not.

Well, I know I am not a team player. He should be one as the captain of an Ice Hockey team, but I have the eerie feeling just for our state of affairs, he won’t be one. 

I need to get the control back or at least a draw. 

But how?

Think, think, think.

Totally lost in my thoughts upon creating a counter strike, I notice the big, gloomy figure behind me first when an arm like a tree trunk hovers over my head to grab something from the supermarket shelf I stand in front of. Irritated by the close proximity of this random person showing up right behind me, I quickly turn around and stare up at a man, who grins like the devil himself. He isn’t looking at me, staring at the grocery he wants from the shelf but that grin. 

I know it is for me and strangely I have the feeling we met before. 

“Well, excuse me”, I mutter, finding it troublesome to have someone in my personal space. 

“You’re excused”, he answers, still not looking at me while examining the ingredients of the product he just grabbed. I feel a shiver down my spine from how low and thorny his voice is, but I try to not get too alarmed as I roll my eyes at his answer. With an offended side stare, I take a step to the side. 

He is tall, not as tall as Satoru but broader, taking up more space in an uncomfortable manner. His arms and even his face are crested in thick, black tattoos. Maybe he has some more all over his body but I won’t ever be able to tell. Sharp facial features with a strong jaw and menacing warm eyes with a reddish hue to them. With his wide smirk still plastered on his face, I shortly doubt myself that the man next to me is human. The teeth are barbed and massive like ones feline predators have. 

“Loser.”

As soon as he adds this word, my head snaps back up. 

Oh my fucking god. He is real.

The memories of him hit me like a ton of bricks.

Tokyo, Japan, my first world championship.

The year before I won second place at the junior world championship, ending my streak of first places. 

It was devastating. 

Surely once being second place isn’t the end of the world, but the media at that time was harsh and brutal on me, maybe because I never lost and they finally saw a crack in my perfect facade.

I was 16 and read articles saying from now on I will only get worse. 

And I wasn���t even at the Olympics. 

It felt like my entire career had no meaning and I should just quit altogether. The questions I got asked ripped me mentally into pieces as I answered them with a fake smile, ready to cry once the cameras were away. Mei Mei and my mother tried to cheer me up, telling me not to listen to such bullshit. 

Figure skating is one of the most competitive sports. Each year the athletes are getting younger and breaking more limits and record after record.

Time doesn’t stop for anyone and it certainly doesn’t for athletes. I was crying for 2 days in my room calling myself old and worn-out.

Truly the joys of being an athlete. 

I refused to step on the ice for over a month until my mother had enough and took my phone and computer away, forcing me back on the rink. 

For her there wasn’t any other outcome. One day I would win gold in the Olympics. 

Her dream for me.

But for that dream to come true, I must skate again.

And I did, reluctantly. 

As if I ever had a choice in this matter. With an overly ambitious mother and my competitive mindset which was thrilled into my head as soon as I took my first step on the ice.

However, let's go back to the World Championship. 

All eyes were on me and I felt it in my strangled veins. I was never so nervous and insecure on ice before. 

I’m never insecure on ice. Skating is like breathing for me. 

And who would ever be insecure about breathing?

You get time slots when you can enter the rink for training before the competition. I waited for my turn at the lobby, getting myself warmed up. Championships lure all kinds of people into one place and mostly other athletes. It is good press to be interested in other sports and showing support, but most athletes do it for a bit of media coverage in between their seasons. 

I used to love watching swimming competitions, always finding it nice to see the contrast from ice skating. 

Hard ice against soft water. Coldness against warmth. 

So it wasn’t a surprise to see other athletes or just random celebrities in the hall. 

I remember him. As tall as in the present but not as broad. Younger but still sharp features and already tattoos on his arms. Overall an extremely good-looking man. 

He talked with reporters, grinning mischievous. 

I was amazed like most of the other girls. 

To be honest, to amaze me at that time, you just had to look at me at least once and open a door for me. Both things he did.

My seventeen years old brain was going haywire and you can definitely blame my mother for it. I barely had any time for friends, so meeting boys wasn’t even a theme to begin with. The only talk I really had with her was when I got my period and she instantly made an appointment to get me an IUD.

Her dream ended with her pregnancy. She wouldn’t allow the same thing to happen to me.

Granted, I never questioned her. For me it was normal to concentrate all my energy on skating. 

Mei Mei always told me ‘now you are a figure skater and when you retire you will be a human again’.

Insane, right?

But I lived by that statement, focusing on skating entirely.

Just not on that day. I watched him like a hawk, walking around with a dozen people around him and taking picture after picture. 

Just who was he?

I couldn’t google it because my mother still had my phone and asking wasn’t in my repertoire. 

He noticed my glances. It wasn’t like I was subtle with it. I did everything to occupy my mind with something other than skating and losing again. 

On the outside I seemed cool and collective, Mei Mei and my mother truly thought I was over the Junior Championship, but mentally I was a sinking ship, just one more crash against an iceberg away from becoming a wreck. 

And just a few hours later I became one. 

On that day less than 24 hours before the competition. I was on the ice, going over my routine.  

I fell, not once, not twice, I fell so often I stopped counting. Mei Mei screamed at me, my mother completely shocked on why I performed this way. 

Reporters aren’t allowed on the tribune while athletes are training in their time slots but people with VIP-passes can enter and he seemed to have one. He watched me fall and fall again with that creepy smile on his face. I tried to blend him out and it worked. 

Like I said before, glances don’t bother me. I am used to being watched. Only Satoru managed to make me giddy.

Not even twenty minutes into my training I fucked up my signature triple axel, bending my ankle so hard I could hear my ligaments snatch, overstretching to the maximum. I was lucky they didn’t rip. 

I bit my teeth hard together and managed to leave the rink, stomping past Mei Mei and my mother, who wanted me back on ice. They didn’t know about my ligaments, just thinking I landed poorly but if I could still skate, it wasn’t so bad, right?

Right.

Telling them with gritted teeth that I need some time for myself I went into my locker room, where I just sat down and stared at the wall for minutes, emotionless. 

The blood pulsating in my feet, I knew once I put the skates off it would be bad. With shaky hands I opened them and stared at my ankle. Swollen already and I knew it would bruise. 

My mother would not allow me to skate like this. She is strict but not a lunatic. If I land one more time incorrectly without the ligaments fully healed, they will snap completely and my career is over. 

But I needed, no, I wanted the World Champion title.

Now or never. I didn’t want to wait another year.  

Another year would mean one year older, one year nearer my retirement. 

I wanted to cry but nothing came out. 

Eventually with an injury like this, I must have accepted that my career was ending. 

I just wasn’t good enough for the Olympics.

There is no shame to it. A lot of athletes never make it.

I instantly kick these thoughts in the butt. No, it isn’t over. I can do this. I will not fall tomorrow at the competition. I will win. I can take care of my ankle after the competition. It will fully heal. 

I knew it. 

It was nearly 10 years ago, so I don’t quite remember how long I was alone with my thoughts as the door opened and someone stepped in. I remember I sighed, madly trying to hide the swelling with a towel thrown over it. I expected my mother or Mei Mei to be the ones bothering me, but it was him with a big fat grin sitting on his face.

Throughout the conversation we were going to have his grin stayed on, sometimes fading or growing. But one thing is engraved in my brain like an antibiotic resistant parasite. His first words to me. Simple, but so world shattering to me. 

“Hey, Loser.”

He called me what I was truly thinking of myself at that moment, but never dared to acknowledge. 

Nevertheless I couldn’t believe someone would call me that. Before I even had the chance to tell him to fuck himself and get lost, he kept on talking. Along the lines of he knows torn ligaments when he sees them happening.

Staring him down I should have told him to leave my cabin, instead I said: “They aren’t torn, just on the edge of it.” 

I removed the towel and leaned over to my bag, taking out sport tapes. With a smile I babbled more to myself: “I had worse.”

Confidence is the key but my act didn’t work on him. He just leaned against the wall in front of me, not believing a single word by the way he looked at me. 

As I started to pull my legging up and begin sticking the tapes down, he clicked his tongue in disbelief. 

“By the way this is a private cabin.”, he ignored my words and with two big steps, he was right in front of me, taking the tapes out of my hand and muttering curses to himself. 

Mercilessly he grabbed my lower leg and stretched it out, my feet staying on his hard chest. It hurt like hell and I yelped, which gained me a side eye and something along the lines of ‘stop being a fucking pussy’. 

Usually I would say something snarky back, but I didn’t dare with him. Instead I just murmured: “I know how to tape myself.”

He only snorted mockingly at that and started to tape my ankle. If this guy is one thing, it definitely isn’t gentle. He applied the tape with such force, it felt like he wanted me to bruise even more. Still, I bit my teeth and let him do it. In between taping he started to talk to me: “I had the same thing once, so I know what to do.” 

My ankle was covered in tape in the pattern of a spiderweb. He talked to me like a ruthless trainer, who ignores the health of his athlete. 

“Keep the ankle cold under any circumstance, even if it feels like dying or you don’t feel anything at all.” 

Then he took a normal bandage and wrapped it around, tightly, telling me not to open it until after the competition. It will swell even worse and probably needs more time to heal, but at least I could be on the ice. 

Then he told me the same truth I already knew. 

“If you fall, it is over”, he snickered: “maybe it would be better anyway. To just end your foolish career.”

I knew, if I fall with this injury, it is truly over. Knowing it is one thing, but hearing someone else say it out loud shook my back into reality. 

“I won’t fall”, I told him without a doubt in my voice, ignoring his mean remarks. Bare teeth blinded my eyes as he laughed. 

“Just making sure you know your fate.”

Asshole.

“Why even help me if I will fail?”, I bit back. He shrugged his shoulders.

“I like being surprised.”

What a fucking weirdo.  

He pulled out his wallet and showed me a pill, asking if I already had my urine test. I nodded and looked skeptical at the pill. I do a lot of things to win, but I don’t take drugs. Seeing my suspicious scowl he told me: “It’s just a heavy painkiller.”

My scowl deepens. Painkillers are allowed, so why would he ask about my urine test?

He could read my mind like an open book.

"Prescribed.”

If they find a substance from a prescribed pill in my urine, I would need a doctor's note, so his question made sense. 

Well, that certainly didn’t sound better, and fine, I trusted him with my ankle but I wouldn’t take a pill from him. For all I knew he could be lying and giving me drugs. He rolled his eyes as I didn’t take it like I am stupid or something for not trusting him. Quite the contrary, I thought I was pretty smart for it. 

So I asked him: “Who are you even?”

All I got was a doubting laugh with furrowed brows like I am a fool for not knowing him. Based on my confused face he understood quickly I really had no clue and a devious smile grew back on his face. 

“I am.. Yuji.”, he states with a pause in between like he forgot what his own name is: “I play for the Japanese national basketball team.”

Nevertheless I was hesitant. Surely he was tall enough to be a basketball player but why was he here? 

Duh, why did I go to the swimming World cups? To be seen. 

Still I wouldn’t take a pill from him. 

I crossed my arms like a sulking child and shook my head. 

The air around him switched. To be honest he wasn’t in a friendly mood to begin with but now it changed drastically. 

He explained why he was even here to begin with. How he extra came for me to the Championship and how it was such a pain for his team to get him a VIP-pass.

All that for me to be a pathetic loser, who falls. He criticized my speed, my jumps and my overall form. It was like talking to all my worst critics combined. He didn’t sugarcoat one bit. His words were brutal and unforgiving. 

How he gave me a chance to get my title back and get Gold again, just for me to not accept it. How much he hates wasted potential and I am the embodiment of it. A silly little pathetic loser, blessed with genetic talent but no drive. 

I pushed myself up, feeling a slight sting in my leg, but didn’t mind. 

How dare he? He doesn’t know shit about me. As if his fucking pill would be my path to Gold. No, I didn’t care about the pain, I could ignore it. 

But I couldn’t ignore his attitude anymore. What did he even want from me? He didn’t know anything about me. We never talked before, nothing. I was angry. Angry at him and angry at me for allowing him from the beginning to talk down to me.

“Get the fuck out of my cabin!”, I hollered, but he didn’t move, smiling like my anger meant nothing to him and rather amused him, if not turning him on. 

“Or what?”

Yeah, fuck that or what? Honestly there was nothing I could do against a guy like this. I bet even if I hit him, it wouldn’t affect him, probably again just turning him on. 

“I will make sure they take your VIP-pass away”, oh my god, that was pathetic. Looking back I cringe at myself, but that’s all I could do. 

Another deep laugh.

“Do it, this whole thing is a waste of my time anyway. I thought I would see some great talents, but all I see is a whiny slut.”

I should be afraid but I wasn’t. I was just angry.

“I am a lot but not whiny.”

“No denying on the slut part, I see.”

I roll my eyes. I didn’t even have my first kiss at that time, but he didn’t have to know. 

“It’s not worth commenting”, I fired back. 

Suddenly everything happened so quickly, I barely had time to register anything as he grabbed my jaw with his large hand and squeezed my cheeks together. 

“I bet it turns you on being called all these degrading words”, he lowers his face to mine, nose on nose with a demonic grin plastered on his face. 

I’m a winner. Degradation doesn’t turn me on. It makes my blood boil. Sadly wrath and lust often go hand in hand, but I would never let him know. 

“I beg to differ”, I tear my face out of his grip. 

“Then prove me wrong, loser.”, his grip traveled to my throat, holding me in place, not wanting me to look away from his challenge. I didn’t waver my glance from his dark eyes. 

He leant in closer to my face, waiting for me to break away first but I kept my eyes on him, even as his lips nearly brushed mine. 

Never in my life was I more happy to be interrupted by my mother as we heard a knock on the door. Slowly, still with a wide smile on his face, he let go of me like nothing happened and put the pill in my hand. In a swift motion he walked to another exit like he had no care in the world while I was frozen into place. 

My mother came into the cabin and talked to me, but I didn’t listen. All I had in my mind was him and how to prove him fucking wrong. 

And I did, I won Gold the next day.

With the worst pain ever in my leg I stood on the pedestal, waving with a bitter smile into the camera. 

I saw him during my performance but not at the award ceremony. 

Who is the loser now?

I bet he thought I couldn’t bring it. Wanted me to fall and fail, crying on national TV over my career ending. 

Wrong slut, motherfucker. 

However as soon as I was backstage, my leg gave in. My mother caught me and Masamichi carried me to a private cabin. 

I didn’t take his pill. I didn’t need his help. 

I won on my own. 

When my mother took my skate off my foot I screamed, nearly blacking out. Mei Mei looked at the bandages around my ankle.

“Who did this?”, she asked furious, now understanding why I didn’t let them near my skates to fix them before my performance.

“I did it.”

“Don’t lie to me, you idiot!”

My mother proceeded to unwrap my ankle, feeling like she skinned my foot alive. 

“This is a military binding technique! It is made to stabilize a dying foot so the soldier can move forward.”

“It did the job”, I muttered back in a delirious state of pain.

“You are so stupid! It is for a dying foot! With this technique they don’t want to save the foot, they just want stabilization for a moment before it will be amputated!”

I didn’t really register her words, all I had in my mind was the Gold medal around my neck and the cold metal against my chest as I fainted.

I woke up in the hospital, my foot held up by some strings and tubes pumping a liquid into it. 

The pain was bearable, but my foot felt heavy and numb. 

I looked over and saw my mother sitting in a chair. She didn’t look happy like most mothers would be once their child woke up after fainting. 

“What the hell did you think?”

I thought nothing to be frank. I did as he told me and it worked. It worked perfectly. I won Gold. My lucky streak would be back. 

“I did what I had to do to win”, I replied.

“You could have not only lost your career as a figure skater, you could have lost your foot!”

“But I didn’t.”

“Don’t act smart with me now!”

“I am the world champion, mom.”

“I don’t care.”

“You do, you only ever cared about that.”

“That is not true.”

I stared at her with a tired but fierce expression. If she wanted to tell herself that, she could do it. I wouldn’t stop her. Making herself feel like she was the mother of the century. 

If I had shown her my foot, yeah, she would have said no to the competition but I would have gotten the silent treatment for weeks. 

Like getting an injury is my fault. For her it would be. 

Because how dare me to fail her dream. 

She put so much energy into me. Imagine it all failing.

What a waste of time. All for a loser like me.

Certainly I have shown in this performance I am not a loser. My performance was worthy of the Olympics and I would go to them the coming year and win Gold too. 

I am a fucking winner. The whole world is going to know my name.

Everything felt unreal. My career wasn’t over. If my foot wasn’t going to fully recover my mother would have told me instantly instead of trying to lecture me. 

I softly chuckled to myself, thinking about him. At this moment of delusion I truly thought I owe this motherfucker my career.

“Right now you look just like your father”, she said quietly: “I don’t recognize you.”

Still in my trance I tilted my head to my mother and just sputtered: “At least I am not a loser like you.”

The moment I said it was the moment I regretted it. Before I had the chance to apologize, she was out of the room, leaving me alone. 

No, I was wrong. I didn’t owe him my career, he only took part in creating a new part of my personality. An irrational and cruel one. 

He made me the cunt I am. 

For years I thought he was a ghost I created myself. Like part of my hidden personality came out the moment I nearly gave up and brutally dragged me back on the ice. 

To kick me even harder at my lowest point and either leave me there or make me get back up. 

I never apologized to my mother, but I got my phone and computer back and she acted like nothing happened, training me for the Olympics once my foot was back to normal. I lost two months of training because of my injury and the binding technique, but it didn’t matter. I knew whatever would come in between the Olympics and me would be demolished. I was never going to give up. 

He was a mystery I didn’t want to solve. I could have googled him, but I didn’t. I liked the idea of him just being a weird imagination of mine to get back on track. 

But now he is standing next to me in the cereal aisle of a small town supermarket and I am sure he is not a projection of my mind. He is real. 

“I know you are but what am I?”, I croak back, my voice lost in my throat. 

“You are witty, I will give you that.”, he chortles, cracking a smile: “But I take it back, you certainly aren’t a loser.”

“So don’t call me that.”

“Pet names take time to form, I wasn’t expecting to meet you here in the middle of nowhere. So I don’t have one up my sleeve.”

Me neither to the meeting part, but why does it feel like he is lying. Like he knew I would be here. 

“How about my real name?”

“Nah, way too impersonal.”, god, the way he is so presumptuous is kind of alluring in the best way possible. Must be me, I seem to have a soft spot for cocky bastards. 

“Well, we aren’t exactly friends.”

He turns with a full on grin to me, the one I dreamed about for months. The one I see in my mind before entering a competition.

“You are right.”, he added my name: “But I will still think of something new, something fitting.”

I can’t fucking wait for it.

“What would you say is the perfect gift for an old friend you haven’t seen in a while?”, he drags me out of my empty thoughts: “Not for you. You stated we aren’t friends, right?”

“Right”, I stutter back: “I guess it depends on the friend.” 

I try to act nonchalantly, but I feel like failing.  

That answer earned me a slight chuckle from him. I decide it would be best to ignore him and just continue my purchase, walking down the aisle, but the looming shadow doesn’t leave me. 

“A friend who isn’t a friend at all.”

This sentence piqued my interest. 

“Still not for you”, he adds, but I wasn’t even thinking that. 

“Then why buy a gift?”, I ask, allowing him to keep the conversation going as he walks through the fruit section with me. I am glad we are in a public space filled with people. Alone with him again, I would not survive. 

“Just for courtesy. He had a rough time”, subtle information but nothing sturdy to grab onto.

His grin is going to kill me. I feel like a flight animal in the headlights of a predator. 

“Wine always works”, I answer politely and curse myself still giving him partially my attention. 

The curse of being a woman, always civil to uncivil men. 

A loud laugh echoes through the aisle before it abruptly ends, his sharp teeth still showing. 

“Not a bad idea, but alcohol isn’t his thing”, he states: “anymore.”

I frown but end up not thinking further about his oddity as I see a box of chocolates and instantly think of Satoru. How he asked me for a ‘thank you’ card and a box of chocolates for his ‘help’. A dumb tease from his side but in my head the cogs start to turn. 

Round and round for a counter strike. I place the box in my shopper with a grin similar to the one from him. 

Fuck, he really created a part of me. 

“Chocolates always work as well”, I babble back, before turning serious. “What brought you to this city?”

“Oh, just a quick stop before visiting my friend, who isn’t really my friend.”

For whatever reason the way he talks and acts is enthralling. I know he isn’t a good person but he has a certain aura that not a lot of people have. A confident one, but ready to be able to back it up. I should have googled him. I should have to see if he has some achievements to back up his brash attitude towards me all those years ago. 

I can’t shake off the feeling that something isn’t quite right. 

“Seems like fate that we meet again”, if it is even possible his grin got bigger. 

“You also thought it would be my fate to fall and call quits, but here we are. Coincidences happen.”

Yes, our meeting years ago and now, they are just coincidences. Nothing more and nothing less.

“Oh, little devil I don’t believe in just coincidences.”

“Don’t call me that!”, I turned sharply around to him. He holds up his hands in a mocking way.

“Calm your tits.”

“Why did you call me that?”

“Because you are a bratty, little devil”, I ignore the sexual undertone in his words. It clicked instantly like finding the right puzzle piece. 

“Are you a Devils fan?”, I ask, taking another step back. He steps forward, looking down on me.

“Nah”, he chuckles roughly: “I am not into Ice Hockey.”

Fuck, I can’t tell if he is lying or not. He is as unreadable as Satoru. He is so indifferent, so detached, it is hard to see what his intentions are. For a second I just want to yell at him: ‘What do you want from me!?’ but I calm down and just continue my purchase, feeling his presence still in my neck.

“Mind if we take a picture together?”

I turn towards him, looking him up and down with my eyebrows pulled together. He laughs lightly, sounding friendlier. 

“Against whatever skepticism is playing in your head, I was always a fan of you.”

“You had a great way to show your support”, I instantly built my guards up around him.

“I think so too”, he ignores my obvious sarcasm. 

That fucking evil grin again as he pulls out his phone and hands it to a lady next to us, asking her to take a picture. Before I even register it, he is next to me, slinging his massive arm around my shoulder and yanks me towards him. Looking up he has a big grin on his face while I probably look startled as hell. 

Everything just happens so fast again, like I am back in the cabin. I couldn’t even agree as he took the phone back from the lady.

“Thank y-”, he starts, but I butt in: “I didn’t ag-”

“You smell good, what’s your perfume?”, he interrupts me too. I’m too confused to finish my other sentences as I just ask: “Why?”

“That friend, who isn’t really my friend, has a new girlfriend. I want to give her something too.” 

I tell him the perfume I use and walk straight to the register, just wanting to get away. He should have fucking stayed a ghost. 

I don’t try to gnaw on it too much as I put my groceries down. Eyeing a ‘thank you’ card, I quickly put it next to my groceries.

“Got a boyfriend?”, he asks without giving me a second look as he puts his stuff on the conveyor belt too.

“I actually do”, I snarl back, not amused at all by his behavior. I should have never answered his questions in the first place, just acting like I have no idea who he is. On the other hand it is hard to overlook the person who played such a big role in my career. 

He could have been the ending but he was the crucial part to my new beginning. Because of him I had the chance to retire when I wanted to. Two Olympic Gold medals. I ended my career in the best moment, at its peak. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”, I state affirmatively. 

“Someone I would know?”

What kind of dumb question is that?

It seems more likely that he isn’t believing me and just wants to make sure I am not lying. 

I owe him a lot in a cruel way, but I would never fall so low to ever date him. Regardless, I have a contract with Satoru and I will not waver. 

For the time being Satoru is my priority. 

At least this question gives me a little relief. If he doesn’t know about Satoru and me, he really isn’t an Ice Hockey fan. Good, one less worry.

“Well, can’t tell if you know him but Satoru Gojo”, I mutter, hoping it will be enough to get him off my back and leave me alone. I give the cashier my card and pay for my stuff. 

“It doesn’t ring a bell”, he laughs, his eyes following my every move. 

“Then you must live behind the moon”, I retorted and grabbed my groceries.

“Maybe, or he isn’t just that important”, he says with a shrug: “anymore.”

I foolishly neglect his reply and just walk out of the store towards my car. All I want is to get away from this person. From my past. 

Once I sit in my car, everything comes crashing down on me. My hands shake and I feel panic rising inside of me. I shouldn’t drive in this emotional state, but I need to leave the parking lot. Away from him. Far away and praying that I will never see him again. 

My mothers words come back into my brain. I could have lost my foot. 

Because of him. 

He is dangerous. 

In the end I will never know if I had made history at the Olympics if I had told him to fuck off and leave me alone, not skating at the world championship. No one will know. By all means I could have recovered out of my insecurities alone and won a year later. Everything is possible.

But I did what I did and he did what he did. Risking your own career is one thing, but being a driving force in risking others, problematic. 

Additionally to his acting of ‘fixing’ my ankle, his words were a big part in my win too. His degradation towards me made me want to prove him wrong. As soon as I stepped on the ice I wanted him to look at me and see me win. 

Full circle back to my weaknesses. I care too much about what people think of me. It shouldn’t have mattered what an unknown man claims about me. 

Yet it did to me. 

Cut that crap! I will change. This is my second new beginning. 

With that I start my car and drive off, not looking back. 

I arrive at the rink hall, taking my groceries with me as I walk to the front door. Seeing Satoru waiting for me from afar makes my heart flutter. 

I am safe now from the ghost of my past. 

He grins widely, nothing evil behind it. Just Satoru. 

I step towards him, he takes my bags from me as I don’t stop getting nearer. Pressing my face in his chest, I sling my arms around him and just breathe in. He never saw me as a loser. He always treated me like an equal. 

“What’s wrong?”, he lightly chuckles and puts one of his large hands on my head, patting me like I have seen him pat my cat Todo. His chest quakes from his laughter and it feels good. It feels safe. Satoru knows me and at least some of my weaknesses and he is still here.

“I just saw a ghost”, I mumble, which earns me another quiver from him. 

“A ghost?”

“Yes, but he is gone now and will never come back.”

“Did you fall on your head or something?”

Slight concern is in his voice. I look up to him with a cheeky smile. 

“I got something for you”, taking a step back, I grab my bags from Satoru and rummage inside of one of them. It is too full, so I take a pack of baby carrots out and hand it to him to just hold while I keep on searching.

“Wow, I love baby carrots!”, he says with way too much enthusiasm. They aren’t his surprise, but I couldn’t resist my next tease: “Why, do they remind you of something?”

He laughs and we both grin at each other. 

“I don’t have a baby carrot and you know it”, he adds: “As I recall it, you were afra-”

“Yeah, yeah I know! Don’t remind me, idiot.”

Satoru would love nothing more to remind me again of our night together, but I 

keep him quiet by switching the baby carrots in his hand with a box of chocolates. 

“Sorry to disappoint, but the baby carrots are for the kids later.”

“Kids?”, he frowns and looks at the new item in his hand. His brain is rattering to figure out why I give him chocolates. 

“Yeah, the skating students you happily agreed on training for me. Did you forget?”

The frown on his face deepens and soon enough he groans. 

“Do I really have to do this?”

“You promised.”

“Lie, I never did.” “Well, you said to Suguru that you promised me, so it is kind of a promise.”

Another groan, which makes me feel flustered, growing a bit hot in certain areas.

“Suguru and I will be there too.”, a small smile forms on his lips. 

“Fine.”, he pouts and rolls his eyes, but I know he is just acting bothered: “But if you leave me alone for one second I will be mad.”

“I would never.”, I reply with a soft nod. 

I take the ‘thank you’ card out of my bag and his brain is catching up to the premise. His pout turns into a knowing smirk. 

“Do you have your wallet on you?”

He knows what I want. 

“Always”, he hands me a pen out of his pocket. I open the card and go behind Satoru, using his broad back as a table to write on. He is nice enough to lean slightly forward as I scribble something down. I put the card into the envelope and 

wet the glue strip with my spit to close it. Once I am finished I hand it back to him with a big smile.

“Thank you, partner”

He is all smiles and dimples as he takes the card from me.

“It was my pleasure”, he sticks the box of chocolates under his armpit and rips the envelope open to read my message. 

Dear Satoru,

thank you for fucking my insecurity away ❤️

Sincerely followed by my signature autograph.  

By the way he looks at me, I am one more step closer to finally get him to open up to me. A step closer to get our situation ruled out as a draw.

He puts the card back into the envelope and looks at me with tomato red cheeks. I gasp at this sight. 

I managed to make the Satoru Gojo speechless with his own shenanigans! The ‘thank you’ card and box of chocolates were his idea after all.

“I got you blushing!”, I can not not make him even more embarrassed. This is the chance of a lifetime. I will wallow in it like a piggy in fresh mud. 

“Shut up”, he turns his face away, but I take his beautiful face in between my hands to make him look at me. 

A mistake because from the way he looks at me, he got me blushing now. I feel like in this moment we are just one more heartbeat away from kissing each other but as if god sent an angel to save me from my disgrace, the front door swings open and Suguru emerges. I let go of Satoru and took a step back, looking at Suguru now.

“There you are”, he nods at Satoru, not noticing me at first. I have never seen such an expression on Sugurus face. A grimace, a pissed off grimace.

“We need to talk.”

The last twenty minutes I spent on the tribune, next to Shoko as we watched Satoru and Suguru hammer pucks into the goal. 

“Men”, Shoko sighs next to me: “Can’t handle their emotions so they have to act them out.”

I agree with her. 

The situation they found themself in isn’t ideal but I don’t get the fuss. Toji Fushiguro didn’t sign an extension contract for the Rangers. It was a surprise but they could have seen it coming. Greedy athletes always change their team, especially if money is on the line. And if I learned one thing about Toji during my research, he loves money.

Surely losing a player is always shitty, but I looked into the entire team. There are so many good other players. He won’t be missed. At least I thought so, but as I voiced it Suguru looked at me with an offended glare and said I have no idea about Ice Hockey, so I kept my mouth shut from that point and just let them work it out on their own. 

It was better anyway to stay out of this, because my father decided to make Toji an offer of a lifetime and he will be playing for the Devils from now on. Once Suguru mentioned this to Satoru, I got the death stare, like I have something to do with the shit my father does. 

So I banished myself on the bench next to Shoko, now watching two grown men trying to see who can destroy their ice hockey stick the fastest. 

“Want something from the vending machine?”, Shoko asks me.

“Nah, I’m good, but here”, I hand her my keys: “Just open it and take what you want.”

“You will never get those keys back.”, she declares and I one hundred percent believe her. “I will not forget about them.”, I respond with a light smile, but she just waves me off and walks away.

As I watch them play or whatever the hell they are doing, I regret not unfollowing Toji on Satorus account in first place. 

With a big stretch I get up and decide to finally intervene. They could do this for hours to no end, but in around two hours ten kids will be here for their skating course and I can’t have two sulking men train them. 

I step on the ice being totally ignored by the two of them. Granted, I am the enemy right now, well, I have half the DNA of their enemy. 

“Does it really matter that he left?”

Both of them tilt their heads to me with an annoyed expression. I hold my hands up in defense.

“Like, is he stronger than you?”, I ask Satoru.

“No.”, a prompt answer.

“So it doesn’t matter.”, I get eye rolls from them - synchronous. 

“Ice hockey is a team sport.”, Suguru tells me like I don’t know. 

“Okay, and? What about the others? Aren’t they good enough?”

“That’s not the-”, I don’t let Suguru finish.

“Hakari never missed the goal, Higuruma always has a solid strategy, Kusakabe has one of the greatest defenses, Ino is an allround talent, Choso never misses a pass”, I pause, but add: “And Nanami just won the award for best goalie.”

They are a lot more players, but I decided to just go with the main ones. Both Satoru and Suguru stare at me like I am a freak.

“You learned about the team?”, Satoru asks, astonished.

“Yeah, for you”, I answer and oh boy, I didn’t mean for it to sound so tender, even corny. 

“I mean, you know I should kind of know your team, right? Like it would be weird if a reporter asks me something and I have no clue, right?”, too many rights. I cross my arms and act nonchalant, looking everywhere but at Satorus plaguing and all-knowing grin. Suguru just peeks between Satoru and me before rolling his eyes but with a small smile. 

“Anyway”, I try to get back on track: “Both of you are so occupied at being mad at a person who left your team for money, that you are the ones acting like Ice Hockey isn’t a team sport.”

According to wikipedia Toji is one of the best Ice Hockey players alive right now, but I certainly don’t need to mention this right now. 

“You are right, we don’t need him to win the Stanley cup”, Satoru announces after a while of skeptical glimpses between Suguru and himself. 

“Still he knows all the weaknesses of our team members”, Suguru thinks out loud: “and he knows the relationship between you two is fake.”

Shit, I forgot about that part.

“But like every other teammate he had to sign a document, he isn’t allowed to disclose that.”

“Come on, Satoru, don’t be dumb. He will never publicly state it but he will tell his new team and they will do anything to use it against you.”

“Let them try”, I chirp in: “we are smarter than them.”

I will end up regretting these words.

Satoru seems confident as well, giving me a thumbs up with a big smile. Only Suguru isn’t convinced.

“If everything goes down”, I skate to him and take his stick: “I can always take Tojis spot on the team.”

I hit the puck and scored. 

“Natural talent”, Satoru grins.

“Yeah, sadly it is in my blood”, I shrug my shoulders, looking at his beaming smile. I am glad I got them to stop overthinking. At least for now. If they want they can have a sleepover and keep sulking the entire night. For now I want them to be ready for the skating course later. 

As I was thinking of a way to cheer up Suguru, Shoko shrieks from the tribune. We all looked at her like she got bitten by a spider. 

“You gotta be kidding me!”, see, I will regret my words.

“What’s up, Choco-Shoko”, Satoru skates towards the brim of the rink, followed by Suguru and me. Normally Shoko would glare daggers at Satoru for this name, but she is too occupied staring at her phone. 

She alters her stare and looks with an open mouth at me before stuttering: “I have a girl problem.”

“A what?”, Suguru asks confusedly, staring at Satoru, who seems as perplexed. 

“I need you, now, outside”, she points at me and I just comply, stepping out the rink and stomping behind her with my skates still on. As soon as we exit the rink hall and enter the corridor, she turns around and holds her phone too close to my face to see. 

“Can you explain this?”

“Shoko, I can’t see anything like this”, I push her hand down and focus on the screen. 

It is a picture. 

Not any picture. 

It is the picture from the supermarket.

The picture of Yuji and me. 

The ghost isn’t gone. 

But they don’t know anything about my past with him. For what it looks like he is just a fan taking a picture with me. 

“What’s the problem, Shoko? He just asked for a picture in the supermarket”, I tilt my head, acting confused and certainly I am a bit. 

“You know who this is, right?”, she proceeds to press the phone again in my face.

“Shoko, stop”, I take a step back: “again, he was just asking for a picture. I didn’t ask for his ID or anything.”

Why do I have the feeling I made a huge mistake. 

Why can’t this ghost stay in my past? 

Shoko looks at me like I am a pink elephant wearing a tutu. 

“You really have no idea?”

“No, I told you, he just asked for a picture.”

Who the hell is he?

Yuji, the pro basketball player. Did he have a scandal I don’t know about and taking a picture with him wasn’t a good move. 

Well, lack of knowledge doesn’t save you from backlash, but Shoko acts like someone posted a video of me skinning puppies alive. 

“Short and sweet, this is Satorus mortal enemy on and off the ice.”

Shoko explains dryly: “And you better run, because if Satoru sees this, he will use your bones to make a new Ice Hockey stick.”

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Mortal enemy?

On the ice?

That motherfucker is an Ice Hockey Player!

I grab her phone and click on his profile. 

Sukuna Ryomen. Not Yuji.

Ice Hockey. Not basketball.

Center player for the New Jersey Devils. No fucking way.

What kind of fuckery is this? 

I feel like the last few days I got way too many situations like this, where I just get thrown under the bus, but this, this is next level shit. 

He lied to me years ago and kept the lie running. 

Well, I decided to play in his cards by not googling him. 

Keeping him a mystery, a ghost. 

Great idea, now he is back and alive, ready to jump me like a lion a gazelle. He kind of did that already. 

I don’t care about Satorus hatred against him. For now.

All I think about is why he was at the stadium years ago!?

Was he sent by my father? According to his profile, he was already playing for the Devils at that time. 

What is doing on? 

The binding technique, the unknown pill. 

Sabotage.

He truly was there to sabotage me. To end my career. 

One hundred percent did my father send him. 

I was getting more and more media coverage at that time. After all, I was a candidate for the Olympics. My father got asked more and more questions about me. He surely knew how to ignore them, but they must have bothered him. So much so that he sent someone over to sabotage my career. To end it and then he would have never heard of me again. 

It all made sense. 

But his little trick didn’t work, it did the opposite. 

Oh, he must have been so pissed. So pissed seeing me win and a few weeks later announcing that I will be skating for the Olympics. 

Definitely a vein popped in his forehead. 

The door swings open loudly as it crashes against the wall.

“Here we go.”, Shoko takes her phone out of my hand and steps backwards, seemingly wanting to escape whatever is coming our way.

Satoru with his head tilted forwards, angry like a bull seeing red. 

Fitting, I have a red pilates set on.

Behind him Suguru tries to entangle Satoru in a conversation, but it doesn’t work. Satoru stops right in front of me and I would do everything for him to just scream at me and get it over with, instead he is so calm. 

Calm like the sea before a tsunami.

“What is this?”, he shows me the same picture I just saw a second ago on Shokos phone.

“Let me explain.”

“What is there to explain? You took a cute little picture with Sukuna. Anything else I need to know?”, he gestures with his hand fastly, something I have never seen him do before: “Like have you given him a quick update on how my recovery is going or I don’t know, fucked him.”

I was expecting a lot of accusations but fucking him. 

“Satoru”, Suguru chimes in, in a warning tone, but even he is looking at me like I did skin puppies alive.

Satoru ignores him completely, just staring at me. His height was always intimidating but now it is fucking terrifying.

But I am too stubborn and actually really hurt by his accusation, especially the last one. I will not allow someone to talk down on me again. I have changed.

“Yes Satoru, right between the bananas and the apples in the fruit aisle”, the moment I said it, the moment I regretted it. Satoru is so irrational right now, he would take everything seriously. He snorts with a menacing smile forming on his face. 

“I see, no denying.”

Different approach. 

“Listen, I just told Shoko I had no idea who he is. He just asked me for a picture.”

There is no reason for me to tell him about my past with Sukuna. It has nothing to do with Satoru and the situation I am in. I will keep it to myself. I see no sense in telling him about it and making him probably even angrier for being so foolish to not looking more into that guy who nearly ended my career. 

This is a conflict between my father, Sukuna and me. No need to drag Satoru into this. 

“How stupid do you think I am?”, Satoru replies, not even listening to me: “I fell for your little act of having no clue about Ice Hockey because it made sense, but now it is just getting ridiculous.”

That hurt like hell, worse than my foot inside the binding. 

Yeah, my life is a performance and I act like people want me to. 

But I never acted when it came to Satoru. I tried in the car on our first meeting, but he saw right through me and since I was always myself around him. 

“I was never acting around you and you know it”, tears start to sting in my eyes. 

This is all a big misunderstanding and it could be solved so easily if he just listens. 

“I just want you to tell me the truth and stop wasting my time.”

“Oh, you want the truth? I will give you the truth”, neither Satoru nor I should talk to each other right now. We are too emotional when it comes to the other person, but I am so hurt from his ignorance towards me. How can he not believe me? Whatever rivalry is between Sukuna and him, it goes deep. 

“Even if I was that evil mastermind who lured you into a trap.”, well, fuck I lured him into a trap once, but he did it too! He isn’t a saint either, but to accuse me of working together with a member of my fathers team is too much: “What could I have told Sukuna about you, huh? How all I know about you is readable on your fucking wikipedia page? Because you certainly didn’t tell me anything half the planet doesn’t know about you already!”

I keep holding eye contact with him, even when I feel the tears flowing now. “How I only saw you train for like thirty minutes and I have no idea about your progress? I never asked you or anyone else about your recovery or training plan or I don’t even know what. I have no idea who you truly are.”

He doesn’t answer me, just keeps meeting my eyes, like trying to find something in them so he can doubt me again. 

He doesn’t want to trust me. 

I thought about trust a lot. How I have trouble trusting Satoru, but I kind of disregarded that he might feel the same way about me. Not fully trusting me and with a situation like this. I would have probably reacted the same way. 

One thing is clear, he is hurt as well. 

“Okay, this is getting out of hand”, Suguru steps in between us, tearing our staring contest apart. 

“Both of you need to calm down! Whatever Sukunas intention was by posting this picture, he would probably have a big, fat grin on his face seeing you two go against each other!”, Suguru takes a deep breath. I look at Suguru but I still feel Satorus penetrating stare at me. 

“Toji surely told them about the contract between you two. Sukuna will do everything to throw you off course, Satoru”, he touches Satorus shoulder to get him to listen. 

I hear Shoko sucking in a breath and underlay Sugurus comments: “Suguru is right, it seems like he tries to get under your skin. Sukuna will do everything to keep you from performing your best. I mean he tried a similar play between Suguru and you years ago.”

I give Shoko a questioning glance but she just shrugs her shoulders. Whatever, I know nothing about Satoru anyway, why should it matter what happened years ago between the three of them. 

Yeah, whatever!

All this talk about being a team and partner, fuck it. I don’t care. I was never part of his team to begin with. 

I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care.

But I do care.

The contract means as much to me as I thought it meant to Satoru. It is my chance to come to terms with all that happened in my life. 

My absent father.

My overzealous mother. 

My madly ascent as a figure skater. 

Maybe I should just really call a therapist. 

I should turn around and leave, never looking back and forget the time we had. Just go into my room and lay in my bed, figuring my life out on my own. 

However in the end I am not a quitter. I signed this contract and I will do everything to keep it running. 

Everything is one big misunderstanding and I need to bash this in Satorus head. Of course my feelings are hurt because I feel like I have shown him parts of me no one knows and he didn’t give me anything back. 

But there was a reason why he wanted me as his fake girlfriend. Me and no one else, because we understand each other on a level most can’t relate to. I need to break his walls down, one by one. 

I like to think I had harder challenges. 

Satoru exhales, taking in what Suguru and Shoko said. He rubs his hands over his face, pressing his finger into his eye sockets. 

“I didn’t m- I need a minute”, with that he just leaves, walking to the locker rooms. 

Silence between the three of us. I know Suguru will be the first one to say something, probably telling me to give Satoru some time and everything will work out after a rational talk. 

Not this time, Suguru. This time I will do it my way. 

Without another word I follow Satoru, Suguru calling me from behind to let him be. I don’t listen as I keep walking, storming into the locker room.

“I said I need a minute”, Satoru groans loudly, probably thinking I am Suguru by the way his voice sounds. 

It is like a Deja Vu from another point of view. How he is the one sitting on a bench, mind going haywires and just done with the world as I storm into the room with one thing in mind. Getting him back on track. 

I’m Sukuna and Satoru is me from all those years ago. 

Well, it is debatable what Sukunas true intention was by getting my ass back on the ice, but I know what mine is.  

“Hey, Loser”, I chuckle as I lean against the wall in front of him, looking at him with a grin plastered on my face.

I will use the same tactic Sukuna used on me. I will use Sukunas own weapon to get his mortal enemy back on track, but I will make it better. 

The pure degradation from Sukuna made me go mad. I mean I nearly lost my career alongside my foot. What I would have needed, was a slap in the face to wake up and a gentle kiss after to make me realize I have worth. 

Degradation and praise. 

My weapons are better.

“What did you call me?”

“Want me to repeat it?”

“Yes, say it again”, his voice is so low, I start to get goosebumps and regret my plan. Maybe it doesn’t work on Satoru. Maybe we aren’t as similar, but I remember being mad at Sukuna too, I think I was only more bewildered because I didn’t know him. 

“I said you are a loser”, my confidence slips a bit and he can see it. 

I hate how easily he reads me. 

“Care to elaborate?”, he grins back and yeah, this isn’t going the way it did with Sukuna and me. This bastard is enjoying this.  

I seem to have forgotten that there is one big difference between Satoru and me and this is confidence. 

My confidence outside the rink is all fake, while his’ never leaves. He probably never thought of himself as a loser.

“It is just a bit pathetic, don’t you think?”

Laughter from him, but if you listen closely you can hear the difference between his real one and this one. 

I can pick up a bit of sourness. 

My words got to him. I mean it is probably the first time ever someone talked to him like this. Someone he cares about. 

Tell me what you want, but I know he cares at least a tiny bit about me. He has to for our contract to work. 

“I’m still waiting for the elaboration, princess.”

 I want to roll my eyes. Not even five minutes ago he accused me of being this evil mastermind and now he acts like nothing happened between us, like he can just call me princess and get away with it. 

Okay, I will let him get away with it, but just because I have a more important mission.

“You got all unreasonable and threw a fit because I took an innocent picture with a man I didn’t know was your self-appointed mortal enemy. Hard to believe this is how the legend Satoru Gojo behaves.”

His eyes darkened and I think I overstepped slightly. Well, there is no turning back now. 

What's said is said. 

“You complain about not knowing me, but once I show you a side of me, you complain even more.”

“That’s not what I was complaining about and you know it.”, I sigh and change the theme, because I don’t want to start a discussion about this. 

This conversation is about him, not about my hurt feelings. 

“Anyway, I don’t want to believe this is the real you”, I walk over to him and kneel down in front of him, looking up to meet his damning eyes.

“I don’t believe it. You are smart, smarter than most people I know. You think ahead for your five teammates and know your opponents by heart. You are the fastest, strongest and most versatile player in the NHL. And you are funny and kind in your own way, so don’t tell me the way you just acted out there is part of you. Whatever your issue with Sukuna is, he uses your hatred against him to bring out a part of you that isn’t you. An irrational and cruel loser.”

Sukuna did the same to me and I didn’t even know him prior to that. He made me irrational by playing with my insecurity of losing and made me cruel by the way I ended up talking with my mother. 

All these were my actions and I’m to blame for it, but everything would have turned out differently without him. 

He didn’t make me the person I am today. I will not give him that. The irrational and cruel side he handed me will be bashed once and for all.

I won’t give him credit anymore for giving me my titles. He isn’t the reason I made it to the Olympics. I could have done it on my own, because deep down I had all the strength in myself I needed. I am not a loser.

“Did you google my stats?”, is all he says to me after I told him a lot of nice things about himself. 

“Had to, it is not like you ever told me about yourself or your team”, my mouth turns into a thin line. 

“I’m sorry, I saw red and I overreacted. Suguru, Shoko and you are right. He wants to get inside my head to mess with me.”

“He is afraid you will come back stronger than ever and beat his ass”, now I smile at him and I get a harumph back but with a light smile playing on his lips. 

I would give everything to see him all smiles and dimples again, but it might take time. 

He takes my chin in his hand and looks at me with his intense eyes. 

“I’m really sorry, can you forgive this irrational and cruel loser?” 

“I only see a rational and kind winner in front of me, but sure.”

“You will be the death to me”, he laughs and I’m glad I got the smiles and dimples faster back than expected. 

“Come here”, he slaps on his leg and helps me get back up to sit down on his lap.

A small voice in my mind tells me to ask him if he was jealous of Sukuna in this picture. The fucking part in his accusations was rather random and I first thought it was to just randomly hurt me, but maybe there was a bit of jealousy. I should ask him, tease him about it, but it is going well now, I shouldn’t test my luck. 

Even the best players run out of it and I tested the limits with Satoru enough for one day. 

He pulls me closer and slings his arms around my back, pressing me to his chest and oh, his crotch. 

“I can’t believe you are hard right now.”

I don’t know why I said that outloud but I did. Nuzzling his head into the croak of my neck, he breaths in my hair and chortles. 

“Believe it, it’s the stress.”

“So you are hard 24/7?”

“Only when you are around.”

“You are such a smooth talker”, I giggle and hate myself for the way I react. 

“I think red just turned into my favorite color”, he pushes my hair back to get access to my neck, kissing it softly. I feel his fingers linger on the hem of my tight shirt, ready to pull it over my head.

“Then I should better keep it on so you have more of it.”

He grunts and bites me lightly in the shoulder, sending goosebumps down my spine.

“Let me take it off, okay?”

Instantly I want to do nothing more than nod my head, but a thought crosses my mind. 

“This wouldn’t be a good idea.”

Another grunt. 

“Please don’t tell me you were serious with the one time thing”, he leans back from my neck and looks at me, waiting to accept a rejection. 

I actually was, but now I am not anymore. The problem lies somewhere else. 

“What if someone comes in?”

“A big surprise for them”, he grins widely.

“Not funny”, I roll my eyes: “I’m serious.”

“You are always too serious”, he brushes a strand of hair behind my ear. 

“And you aren’t serious enough. Suguru could come in and catch us.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

I punch his shoulder lightly.

“It does! I don’t want him nor anyone else from the team to know about this”, I wave my finger between Satoru and me back and forth. 

“Not to break your little bubble, but they already know”, I stare with a shocked expression at him, ready to punch him for real this time. 

If he dared to-

“You weren’t exactly quiet the other night and the walls are rather thin.”

Now I wish he would have told them instead, that would be way less embarrassing. I grumble in my hands, hiding my face out of sheer mortification. Satoru just laughs, as always and grabs my hands, pulling them off my face. “It is fine.”

“It is not”, I pout. Is today my personal humiliation day? A new holiday I didn’t know about.

“It really is, princess.”

I didn’t want anyone, especially Suguru, to know I had slept with Satoru. It comes across as extremely incompetent regarding our whole contract. Our entire relationship should have stayed professional. I don’t want to know what Suguru is thinking of me. He had the most trust in me and I ended up sleeping with Satoru not even a few days into the contract. 

I’m weak. At least when it comes to Satoru. 

Wait.

This is the chance. A draw!

There is no insecurity for him to fuck out of my mind. He wants to hook up with me out of sheer fun? Lust? Whatever it is, it will create the draw I so desperately want to have. 

I want to be on equal terms again. 

“But we don’t need to anymore, you know. No more insecurity inside my head.”

Well, no more insecurity regarding looking at him and being close to him. 

“I know, but I just want to be inside you”, he looks at me with a small, pleading pout: “No, I need to be inside you.”

I exhale a steamy breath. He is again at the hem of my shirt, pulling it slightly up, rough fingertips traveling over my skin. 

“Don’t make me beg, unless it turns you on, then I will gladly beg”, his mouth is against my jawline, leaving a trail of kisses and small bites.

I nod and reap a ‘tz’ from him. 

“Give me a clear yes or no.”

I shouldn’t.

“Yes”, and his lips are suddenly on mine, just leaving them for a second as he pulls my top over my head. 

With slightly cold hands he squeezes my breasts, a moan escaping my mouth, which he catches with his. He rolls my already hard nipples between his fingers before choosing the one on the left side to close his lips around and lick. I whimper and lean my head back, giving him even more access as his now unoccupied hand enters my waistband. 

“Angel”, he whispers in my ear: “Get up for a second, we need to get rid of your pants, okay?”

He talks to me like I am slow on the uptake and at this moment I feel like it. I’m in a delicious delirium as I stand up and hold myself up on Satorus shoulders. He gets rid of my pants, not we. In a swift motion he brings me back on his lap and kisses me again, his tongue asking for excess to enter my mouth and I let him with a small sob. I want to open his pants, but he grabs my eager hands quickly. 

“I know we don’t have a lot of time, but you need to be a bit prepared, okay?”, again he talks to me slowly and I just nod, not knowing why we need to be quick. 

…

The skating course!

Dragged out of my delirium I look around for a watch. Satoru catches me scowling and states: “Don’t worry, we still have enough time.”

I pucker my lips for a second but I ended up trusting him, not wanting to call it quits now. 

And no, this isn’t just about me wanting this to. This is all about getting equal again. In my head I mentally make the note to let this really be the last time. After this Satoru and I will just be partners like we are in a law firm. 

Before I can even write the note mentally down, the thought is gone as he wets two of his fingers with his tongue before stuffing them inside my mouth too. I twirl my tongue around them too as he pulls them back out with a blop. With his other hand, he grabs my butt and slightly lifts me up as I kneel on his lap. 

Then he creeps his fingers at a slow pace up and down in between my fold to gather slick. I lean forward and lift myself a bit more up to give him better excess. Steady but so, so, so slowly he enters me. His thumb is drawing soft circles on my clit while he starts to move his fingers in and out. So slow like we are in no hurry, like he wants to torture me. 

“Please Satoru, faster”, I cry in his ear.

“Nah, angel”, he presses a kiss on my temple.

“This is your punishment for taking that picture.”

I should have known he wouldn’t let me off the hook about this picture so quickly. 

“Please, I had no idea”, I groan frustrated and sling my arms around his neck for support as I start to move my hips, trying to create speed and friction on my own. My plan failed as Satoru keeps my hips in place with his other arm around my waist now. 

“Should have thought about that before taking a picture with a random man.”

He can’t be serious, right?

How am I supposed to know Satoru has a mortal enemy out there, who out of nowhere appears in front of me at the supermarket. 

Sukuna called it fate, but what was it really?

With a light bite in my cheek, Satoru brings me back to the present as his fingers once again enter me lazily. 

“This is unfair”, I complain against his neck, thinking if I touch him more it will make him more excited, giving me what I want. 

My hands wander under his shirt, along his hard abs to his nipples, stroking them slightly. That move earned me a rough exhale from him between shut teeth. 

“Just promise me one thing.”

“Everything, I will promise you everything”, I am so desperate to get off. I can feel the coil inside me building up but it isn’t going to snap at this slow pace.

“Whatever happens between us, never fuck Sukuna, promise.”

Again his insecurity when it comes to Sukuna and me. Is it really a jealousy thing? I can’t imagine Satoru ever being jealous of someone. 

“I promise, really, I will always be on your team even if you don’t want me to.”

He looks at me with an amazed grimace before locking our lips again, finally speeding up. The lazy circles on my clit turn into rougher ones as his fingers pump into me. I breathe heavily into his shoulder as my legs start to quiver and the strength to keep them up tardily leaves me. 

He knows exactly where my weak spot is, as he supports my weight with his muscular arm, hitting the same sweet spot over and over again as his fingers work their wonders to make me cum. The coil that was built on at the slow movements, quickly grows bigger before it explodes and I cum undone around his fingers. My walls pulsate around his fingers as he lets me ride my orgasm out on them. 

I’m out of breath but I can’t wait any longer. I want him inside me right now. With shaky hands I open his pants and lift myself up on my wobbly knees to pull his pants down. His erection springs free and yeah, no baby carrot. 

Nevertheless I am still intimidated but I had him already in me and I survived it and even better liked, no loved it.

“Slow down, partner”, Satoru yelps out of breath as I position myself on top of his dick. 

“No.”, I kiss him and sink down on him, feeling my walls painfully stretch around his massive girth. He leans back, pressing his back against the wall for support and giving me time to adjust and do everything at my speed. His eyes are closed and I know he wants to do nothing more than move his hips at an incredible pace to drill into me.

But he is patient as I slip slowly down his cock, letting out small whines, each one making his cock flutter inside of me. Once I am all settled down, I take a short breather adjusting myself.

Soon enough I start to roll my hips to let him know I am ready. His reaction was immediate as he grips my hips hard, boring his fingers into the soft flesh on my stomach and just fucks raw into me. I gasp and tears escape my eyes at the sudden rough friction. My eyes roll back as he lets go off my hip with one arm, laying it now flat against my back and gripping my neck from behind. Hand in my hair to keep me steady as he slides his dick in and out of me with loud groans. He has to use a lot of strength to not keep me from falling off his lap, but he doesn’t seem to mind, not breaking a sweat over this. His tongue moves from my shoulder to my neck, up my jaw to my mouth where it means mine. 

I’m so full of him I feel everything so intense that it is mind numbing. Whenever his white pubic hair meets my clit, it sends a shiver down from head to toe. 

“Maybe I will just mark you”, he bites into my lip before kissing me again: “Making it clear who you belong to.”

He lets go of my hip and grabs my jaw between his long fingers to make me look at him.

“Would you like that, angel? Letting everyone know you are mine?”

I nod and babble a few yesyesyes.

Surely this is all filthy sex talk, right? He doesn’t really mean it. I am not his. 

“I could cum on your face and make you walk around like that or fill you up with so much of my cum your birth control fails and you will be round with my baby.”

Whatever he wants, he can have and I make sure to tell him that as I wail into the palm of my hand to keep myself quiet. 

This time we aren’t team players as we both chase our own release. His thrusts get sloppier as he supports my legs with his hands so I don’t break down on him. My chest is pressed against his, since I lost the power to uphold my body on its own. Before I lose my strength completely I climax and my head falls heavy on his shoulder as I start to see stars behind my closed eyes. 

“No one fucks you so good.”

I’m not sure if it was a statement or a question, but I can’t speak anyway, so I just nod against his hard shoulder.

Feeling my walls open and close around his dick, Satoru slides one more time fully into me, his pubic hair chilling against my clit again as he fills me up with his warm sperm, twitching inside of me until he is completely milked.

My head is resting on his shoulder and he is resting his’ on mine. 

I don’t know how long we stay like this, but after a while Satoru slaps my ass, making me jolt. 

“Time to get ready, can’t let them kids wait, right?”, he pulls me up, his dick slipping out of me, suddenly leaving me feeling empty and abandoned. Carefully he carries me to the side, my naked ass on the bench now as he gets up and pulls his pants up. He picks up my clothes and grabs a few paper towels from the shelf, placing all next to me on the bench while I am still in a state of trance. He smirks at my fucked out gooey form and slicks my hair out of my face. 

“I need to discuss something with Suguru. I will be back once the course starts.”

For a second it looks like he is leaning in for a kiss, but then he retracts and pats my shoulder like we are buddies!? As if his dick wasn’t a few seconds ago getting freaky inside my bowels. He turns around and leaves without saying another word or waiting for a response. 

I got my draw. 

But with the worst outcome possible. Being left alone, naked, with his cum leaking out of me and nothing has changed, I still know nearly nothing about him. 

Sukuna is his enemy, but why exactly does he hate him so much? It can’t be just that he is on an opposite team. 

And what does Suguru have to do with this? 

I lied to all of them. I told them I had no idea who Sukuna was. 

Well, that’s actually true to an extent, but I didn’t mention our past. 

If Satoru can have his secrets, I can have mine too.

As long as they don’t come back and bite me in the ass. 

[maxwell-grant]

Any thoughts on She-Hulk?

I like her a lot. I don't really like most of her solo comics that I've read (I think some of her most celebrated runs have aged abysmally), but I like her as a character enough that this doesn't sour me on her and there are several that I've enjoyed. One of those characters that I'm just really glad exists and you can get a lot out of in supporting roles, she adds a really unique, wonderful texture to the world. I think it's great that her baseline is dealing with the flipside of the Hulk's problems: she can keep her life and strength and rage under control and have a good public image and non-adversarial relationships with superhero society, which means she has things to fight for much more complicated than survival and supervillains out to get her.

She was once a mousy disrespected nerd too, except her freak accident alter-ego turned her into a charismatic hot jade goddess who can hold a steady job and crack zingers for the camera while saving the world and is thus expected to do all of those things and more at once, all of which means she has many more things to juggle and lose than the Hulk has at any given moment. He deals with big huge singular problems while she deals with clusters of irritating little problems that accumulate to break her down. Much like Wonder Woman, she is burdened with standards of perfection that do not exist for her male contemporaries, except in her case, she has to overcompensate not just to overcome barriers of misogny, but also being a good, ethical working person in a world of dysfunctional assholes and self-destructive monsters, not helped by her proximity to the biggest of them all.

She has responsabilities and bosses and ethical/social dilemmas to navigate as a superhero, as a woman and as a lawyer that she can't solve with smashing them into leaving her alone or with separating her life under different personas. She has to deal with Frog-Men and continuity gods and interpersonal superhero drama and cases that no laws have even been written for and all these bullshit Seinfeld problems, because unlike Deadpool and other comedic superhero characters she actually has adult responsabilities to contend with. And she does, and she makes time to party and have fun and go out with friends and training with fellow bruisers and running maintenance errands on the world whether it's to help the Fantastic Four out of a jam or deal with a college friend's divorce hearing. I do think she has a very versatile gimmick as a superhero lawyer (not the same as a superhero who is a lawyer) who gets stuck with the shit job of dealing with the kinds of messes that other characters get to resolve off screen, that she has to deal with all kinds of embarassing and weird things and the less-glorious aspects of superhero life. There is a lot that you can get away with in She-Hulk comics because Jen is a fun character to have dealing with problems.

I do think she's kinda in a difficult tight rope act as a character, because her thing involves dealing with a lot of superhero things that break immersion if you poke at them too closely, but she can't really do anything to affect or attack them (because she's an integral supporting character in the larger Marvel Universe and one of the few Marvel superheroes who isn't some kind of dysfunctional asshole) or be a full-on parody character, she can't sit in the same liminal joke space Deadpool and Squirrel Girl thrive in, and her set-up also makes it hard to do anything too dramatic or dark or weird with her, anything that's too "Hulk" feels out of place and misguided. She's a permanent B-lister that spends her time frustrated by the D/Z-listers that flock around her and hanging around the A-listers that generally have more interesting things to do.

Of course Jen does tag along on those things and those Avengers trips to save the world, but those are never really about her or involving her in a fashion that needs her and not some other person who can punch good. She is always going to be kind of a niche character which sorta limits her from being as big as she could otherwise be. But I think her niche is a really good one and one that needs to be around and adds a lot to the larger Marvel universe, and Jen is such a fun character that it's always great to see her show up in something. Big fan.

Sucks that she's one of the worst characters in Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3 though and that she never got to destroy Deadpool in MvC4 because there was no such thing, but I have seen more people play as her recently and even pull some wins with her even outside ratio tournaments, and at least they ended the series on a high note with Ultimate and never did anything ever again ever.

[bumblingest-bee]

broadway shows ranked by how much my mother, who knows nothing about musical theatre, enjoyed them:

come from away: 10/10. her favorite part was that there were old people in it (honestly very real of her) and also The Kevins. i think she liked the music the most out of any show i've seen with her

merrily we roll along: 9.5/10. she talked nonstop for a week about how much she loved it. her favorite character i think was mary but she's really obsessed with joe for some reason ("he's just so pathetic!!")

some like it hot: 8/10. she loves golden age style musicals so she liked the music and vibes. she thought it was very funny but the extended tap-dancing was boring

phantom of the opera: 7/10. she liked the music a lot but i don't think she had strong opinions on it other than "why was this love triangle a dilemma at all." (if we were ranking this based on how much my dad liked it it would be like 11/10 bc i saw it with him another time and he was obsessed)

sweeney todd: 6/10. she is not the kind of person who enjoys cannibalism and blood everywhere, though she thought mrs. lovett and the beadle were hilarious.

company: 5/10. thought it was kind of depressing, which, to be fair, that revival was. she was sufficiently entertained by the couples but was completely uninvested in bobbie's storyline ("she has commitment issues! who cares!") so somehow she had the exact same take on the production as me.

[iamsherlocked-1998]

𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐝

Summary: Only memories saved in.

Words: 1000.

Din Djarin x GN! Reader: Just something Sweet. Maybe some moral dilemma.

✧*｡✧*｡✧*｡✧*｡✧*｡✧*｡✧*｡✧*｡✧｡✧*｡✧

It was a hot day, spring weather was sliding inexorably towards summer, light filtered through the window, filling the room. Your duties at the Nevarro library had ended and you were unfortunately picking up Karga's dispatch after the Magistrate had recently passed away.

Grogu was in the other room playing with his friend IG-11, who had followed you inside after round against crime in the city. Then the sound of the boy's laughter filled the air.

You approached full of curiosity only to see how the droid was playing a scene like a holovid format, but instead of being a movie it looked like a recording, in which you could see the boy attached to his mechanical protector while itself shot at enemies. They had to be memories from before you met Mando.

-When is this from? It seems like a difficult situation (you asked with a remarkable question mark).

-The imperials attacked, my task as guardian droid was to protect the child.

The metallic voice filled the room, it was a predictable response, but the playback function was unknown to you.

-I didn't know that everything you saw was recorded, especially after…

You were going to say after being destroyed among lava as The Mandalorian told you, but it seemed unnecessary.

-It is the duty of a good guardian to pay attention to everything around. It also helped to know the extent of the Mandalorian's injuries in medical care.

-Di… Did Mando get hurt?

You had always been aware of the danger that the clan of two faced, especially when they first met and following months, but you did not know that the physical damage would have been of sufficient magnitude to be urgently assisted by a medical droid, nor that Djarin would lend himself to it...

-Yes, after the explosion the bacta was essential for his recovery, also the lack of presence of any living being in the reconnaissance.

That last one made your eyebrows rise to your hairline. The only time the hunter used those words was when he explained the importance for his creed of the… the only possible answer is that he took off his helmet in front of the droid.

-Do you have images of Mando without the helmet?

-Again, it was essential for his survival, I believed that it was well known in beings of your condition that to deal with possible concussion is necessary to access the nervous system in the back of the head.

You rolled your eyes at the attempt at sarcasm.

-Do you want me to play the images for any particular reason?

Your heart stopped dead at the mere mention of it.

-I can't do that, it would be against Mando's privacy… his creed forbids it and is very important to him.

-According to the Mandalorian creed in its literal sense, his members cannot remove their helmet or be seen by others, but he is not even present since it is a projection, it's not real.

Your lips parted, trying to refute that logic was extremely complicated. But it still felt like a betrayal. You and Din had known each other for months and shared almost everything that was possible between two people, but the helmet was always present, without a doubt everything worked very well.

You always had a bitter feeling in your throat as to whether he would really have that last act of trust with you later or things stay the same. Not that it was essential, he was too important to you and his personality meant everything, it was still tempting to use this as a last resort and not let anyone know.

-Play the images...please (you let out a slight resigned sigh).

At that moment the mechanism was set in motion. You saw how Mando was lying on the ground and a metal arm accessed the beskar dome to detach it. What you glimpsed was the last thing expected.

The most expressive brown eyes you had ever seen greeted you, anguish and pain were visible in the grimace of his face and was covered in blood. The state he was in broke your heart, but you smiled sadly. Despite everything, of course Din was beautiful.

He was a few years older than you, but he showed a vulnerability that made him look younger, despite all his experiences, an unusual innocence was observed. His unkempt hair curled at the edges of it, as if he had let it grow longer than it should, he had a faint trace of stubble and a small scar on the bridge of his nose. All of this was finished off by luxurious lips.

You heard how Din in the video mentioned something about his brain and the droid responded with a bad joke, making the man raise his eyebrow, but you couldn't process much more of the conversation as you were focused on the speaker of the words. It was incredible how all his thoughts were reflected without a filter to the outside by his expressions.

You hadn't realized but Grogu was next to you, watching with curiosity and his head tilted at the video of his father, a small soft squeal reached your ears. Suddenly the recording stopped.

-Do you already have the information you requested?

You nodded distractedly at IG-11's voice, which brought you out of your reverie.

-Yes, thank you, but no one can know this.

-You are an authorized person. Who and how the records are accessed is confidential.

________________

The three of you walked calmly through the city towards the small cabin, Din's mission was over and at the end of the day he picked you up to go home.

You were lost in thought as the little green one slept in your arms, you couldn't stop thinking about what you saw, looking at your partner in amazement. Of course the hunter noticed, your gaze was so insistent and intense that it burned him.

-Something wrong? (You noticed the slight amusement in his words, oblivious to the events of the day).

-Nothing, just...I'm glad to spend time together, with you.

Din ascend firmly but gently.

-If you want we can put those shows that Grogu likes so much, so you can rest.

-I would like that.

You said with a wide smile as the Mandalorian held your hand.

[jerreeeeeee]

i also read the suffering game graphic novel. here's praises and criticisms. this one is also more negatives than positives unfortunately, i tried to be fair and thoughtful but i did not like it very much

things i liked:

-lucretia prologue establishing that she went to wonderland + talking abt missing the crew. fun & mysterious

-hi mavis and mookie :) they are cute

-HI BARRY sometimes i forget he stalked merle’s family outing. i love that freak

-magnus and angus scene!! fisher showing angus the statue drawing!! ango detective subplot!! this is a nice and natural addition since we know he was sleuthing around the BOB

-merle teasing taako about his date is kinda cute actually love seeing them be friends

-thank god they got rid of the chimera. idk if this is a hot take or anything but its probably my least favorite fight in the podcast its so out of place and unnecessary. there are lots of fights that didnt really matter in the beginning like all the gerblins and the slime swamp in rockport but they were still like getting their bearings and the show was more like a real dnd campaign than a typical actual play, but by the time you get to the suffering game there’s more interesting things to do and you're like god why are we still doing random forest encounters just get to wonderland already

-not a positive per se but i’m not that upset about sterling and his party being cut. i feel like an adaptation would’ve had an opportunity to make that little c-plot matter more, and that would’ve been awesome, but as is in the podcast, i never felt particularly strongly about it? not enough to miss it. idk like magnus and merle were already for ‘trust’ even if it were strangers and taako never seems all that regretful about it (which like. fair. he’s the pragmatist and that’s how the prisoner’s dilemma works. he played the game right because he couldn’t afford to lose, knowing they hurt some slightly-less-strangers doesn’t really change that).

-i dont remember which of the boys discovered it in the podcast but merle noticing the smoke thing is good. he actually is competent and especially in an arc that’s meant to make him feel useless that’s a good little reminder

-i do like that the liches say the bell is very powerful & is threatening to destroy them like both keeping in theme with the rest of the relics and an introduction to the idea that sharing an incredible and dangerous power between two people makes it easier to keep your sanity, similar to lichdom

-griffin getting cut off with the hunger is awesome finally we’re taking advantage of the medium. nothing more to say that choice rules

-posts on tumblr hyped me up for taako recognizing barry’s dick but unfortunately that’s not really what happened and now i’m disappointed. but the graphic novels arent canon so i’ll just have to continue with my barry/taako awkward past one night stand agenda despite it all

-i dont quite know how to feel about the umbrastaff leaping to barry to replace the “love barry, trust barry” moment. on the one hand, having lup actually speak to taako wouldn’t work super well in graphic novel form, not to mention the whole band of projected thought thing was kinda convoluted and they are clearly very limited on time, and taako choosing to trust the umbrastaff in this way is a creative way to get that same effect. on the other hand, its so unclear what even happened or why it changes taako’s mind without podcast context. that’s one of my big gripes, you’re expected to be familiar with the story already, but if you’re familiar with the story, the graphic novels are… worse in every way. also, i really really liked the original scene so even though it doesn’t work, i miss it. this isn’t as effective—we don’t find out there’s a person missing from taako’s memory, his heart doesn't swell at the sound of her voice, he doesn’t know with certainty that she’s someone dear to him. it's just like, another instance of the umbrastaff acting weird. maybe you put together that 'LUP' is a person but you don't have any indication until the moment of remembering how important she is. all of that would be really difficult to get across in a visual medium anyway, but still, yknow, it doesn’t hit as hard.

-ango!! his mage hand is coming along so well!! although. why is his wand just like a stick. did he pick it up off the ground. taako needs to take better care of his boy this reflects badly on him as a teacher lmao

-i felt this way about the eleventh hour too but there’s so many little details of taako and merle’s friendship i feel like they have little asides and jokes together a lot and i love that

-the looming dread of the hunger is done pretty well (as well as it can be with such time restraints)

-merle trying to commune with pan and seeing john instead is good. very ominous and intriguing for new readers and exciting for podcast listeners

-really liked the panel of barry in the red robe against the stars and the bond engine’s white ring as he’s remembering. very cool very cinematic

-i actually also really like the framing as taako remembers, filling in the memories we’d seen previously and clearing out the static while he looks so broken, and merle asking him what he’s remembering, and then finally speaking his sister’s name. its framed very powerfully. i wish he and lup didn’t look awful so i could actually feel something at that part. like they are my favorite characters ever their story makes me so emotional and i just. they’re unrecognizable. the character designs are terrible and taako has spent 6 books now being mischaracterized and flattened to hell so i just can’t muster any emotion. maybe i'll redraw that page someday though because the panelling is genuinely very good

-the ending lucretia monologue is good she's the narrator she's the main character she's everything. love the portraits staticking out and mirroring and changing, and ending on the beach painting is great. very cinematic and a natural way to phase into the stolen century

things i didn’t like:

-i dont think taako’s deepest desire is his own brand of fashion forward athleisure wear if i’m being quite honest. these little things irk me

-why is liches get stitches all the way in the beginning… ill portent for how the rest of this book will go

-i think they shouldve introduced the flaming raging poisoning sword of doom way earlier. the payoff isnt nearly as good without the setup of having been magnus’ white whale for like fifty episodes. maybe they did mention it in earlier books and i just forgot though

-^ i hate his stupid ugly oversexualized stereotyped ass so fucking much its unreal

-why are edward and lydia ugly :( —(they're not ugly because they're chubby they're ugly because their color schemes and outfits are fucking awful) (fr though why are all their colors so muted and dingy?? why are their outfits boring?? at least their heart attack looks are fun)

-oh so there’s just no trust or forsake at all. yeah i don’t like that. in the end no great loss since i don't think it really says anything about thb's characters that hasn't already been said, but so much of thb's characters and arcs have been cut from the gns already

-i get that they’re low on time trying to fit in reunion tour but like come on part of the suffering of the suffering game is how long and painful it is cutting it down really just. makes it not matter as much

-magnus looks no different after aging LMAO he gets like 2 gray hairs and that’s it

-edward and lydia’s lich forms are also boring unfortunately

-no tasha’s hideous laughter on the heart attack mannequin? lame. although i have for the first time realized that dnd shows kinda have a thing for characters uninterested in romance being forced by mysterious powers to be haunted by creepy puppet-like “romance partners” huh

-magnus doesn’t forget kalen?? why cut that out? i guess because there was never closure for it in the original story?

-no boss rush?? that was fun :(

-magnus and taako aren’t surprised merle has kids??? did they know???

-dupree looks terrible but i guess props to carey for giving him feathers even though it looks bad

-just axed the liches’ backstory?? that was kind of important?? the fact that they turned to necromancy out of love for their family & powered themselves with positive emotions too? that like, has relevance later…

-NO BAD LUCK FOR ARMS OUTSTRETCHED? COME ON

-the framing of magnus’ soul being removed is so anticlimactic in general like the POINT of a VISUAL adaptation is to have interesting & cinematic VISUALS its just so messy

-all of arms outstretched didnt look very good in general sorry. its just such a big important moment and to make it so mid… a tragedy

-“i guess we still needed each other after all” doesnt work anymore because they removed all of edward and lydia’s backstory and character but it was an interesting line to me that i wish had been kept. hammering in that liches need anchors is, again, pretty relevant later on, getting rid of that foreshadowing sucks, and it also humanizes these villains in an interesting way that really highlights their powerlust as their downfall rather than just, like, cruelty for evil’s sake. like yes they torture people and find it fun because they’re so distanced from their own humanity but they also truly believed it was necessary for their own safety and seemingly only became sadistic after they desensitized themselves. i wrote a post about this a while ago but idk if i’ll ever post it

-not a fan of barry killing lydia either. idk why, its not like he hasn’t killed other people to protect the boys before. but that’s earlier in the show before we know he’s not just a villain and is in fact meant to introduce him as a villain. now he’s a friend so idk if you can just go back to having him murder people? again its not a wrong choice but it feels like messy storytelling. also like i think seeing a lich grieving her anchor and a sister grieving her brother would pull some heartstrings for him. it would maybe remind him of some people he loves and garner some sympathy and give him some pause. and i liked that in the podcast even though lydia was so distanced from the idea of positive anchors, killing edward just immediately undoes her, fits in with the themes and the way we understand liches to work, another powerful example of what bonds can do, and that's kinda lost here

-magnus’ answer to the bell sucks so badddd lmao when these books NEED context they’re devoid of it but when they actually have the necessary plot points/character arc established for the reader to put something together they have to go and spell it out like the audience is stupid. there was something so raw and powerful about magnus’ original “i’d hate it. shut the fuck up.” like just shutting it down and not even considering it. that’s completely lost when he has to be like “recap time! my wife, julia,” eugh just didnt like that. there are so many powerful lines from balance that i don’t hate on principal that they’ve changed, but there was no good reason to change, and so the new version just falls flat and there was no reason not to include the original lines verbatim? i get not wanting to just deliver a podcast highlight reel and have the gns be their own story or w/e but if you’re gonna do that you have to do it well, and they just keep being worse unfortunately

-they don’t get the chance to go off the grid themselves and choose to trust barry?? come the fuck ON that is IMPORTANT to the STORY

-this may or may not be an unpopular opinion but i’m not a fan of barry’s design either. i don’t like the hair and he’s not fat enough. less egregious than others but its still another instance of being like who tf is that

-barry’s little coin monologue was kinda fun and dramatic and i (finally) liked the visuals of him falling from the sky/silhouette of the starblaster against faerun’s single sun. but i wish they’d kept more of the original. add drama that’s fine but the point of it is to humanize him after we’ve spent so long thinking of him as a villain and a ghost and a force of the story and now it turns out he’s barry bluejeans. he’s just a guy. he loves his mom. he’s allergic to dairy. he’s afraid of the dark.

-especially not a fan of cutting out the “love that defined and redeemed you” and “dull weight in your chest” in barry’s coin monologue. those are important parts of his character. whether you interpret the love and the weight to be for lup or for the whole crew, you need to know that the red robe has lost people, and that everything he does is to try to get them back. he’s the lover and he’s grief personified. his mission is to save the world AND recover his family. thats like. kinda important for his character and role in the story. if you ask me.

-again the “we’ll get em next time” magnus flashback is not BAD but it could’ve looked so much better? carey definitely has strengths as an artist but her fight scenes and character design tends to be very weak so its unfortunate that this is an adaptation of a dnd podcast where those 2 things are like, the most important. idk i feel like i should be articulating what i mean better but i’m not sure how. the fights just are often really cluttered and framed in an odd way that doesn’t look very good or dramatic or dynamic. i don’t want to say carey is a bad artist, i really don’t think she is! but i think she was not the right artist for this project. the magic of a visual medium is, well. the visuals. when they’re mid the whole story suffers.

-taako and merle not just saying magnus is dead is sorta unnecessarily confusing since everyone like assumes he’s dead anyway? idk i don’t understand that choice. kinda fucks with his moment with carey. not a big deal in the end but it does seem unnecessary

-MAGNUS DOESN’T GO SEE FISHER?? the mannequin dies in fantasy costco??? what about johann???

-“you stole half of my fucking heart” i know a lot of people loved this line but it genuinely baffles me. Why Only Half. not only referencing one of the most heartwarming (and heartbreaking) lines in the original show with no context for why its meaningful at all yet—but also minimizing it? why soften that blow? why detract from the raw intensity of that grief? why reduce a very powerful sentiment? an adaptation of balance that doesn’t allow itself to be earnest and wholehearted (ha) about its platonic bonds is not a good adaptation, straight up. maybe its not that deep but it is To Me. maybe it has no real import and i’m just being stupid but like they made that choice to write half instead of just “my heart.” Why, genuinely

-hey what the fuck happened to johann for real though. that was a really important part of the story. hey. hey. what about johann. like are we just ignoring johann. am i insane. how has no one mentioned this. what’s up with johann

-

so all in all, again, rushed pacing, axing of a lot of very important plot points, shoddy visuals.

it did not make me relive the emotional journey of the suffering game and reunion tour. it inspired a vague nostalgia for the first time i experienced reunion tour, reminded me of how much i love the original show, and made me want to listen to the podcast again. especially reunion tour good god i love reunion tour. and it made me desperately wish for a good adaptation. i would do fucking anything for a good adaptation. the longing is making me sick. at least we always have podcast reunion tour.

the graphic novels are just so empty and soulless compared to the original show. i wouldn’t have an issue with changes, except that the changes, at every turn, gut the emotional core of the story that makes it so special, and ruin the strong themes throughout the story. they fundamentally misunderstand what is so good about balance. and also, like, basic storytelling. they’re poorly designed and poorly written, so they don’t even stand on their own as a different story. i'm not expecting an exact replica, but i am expecting good writing, good changes when necessary, and respect for the original beloved story. without those, the soul is gone, the spark of what makes balance so compelling and emotional.

i am dreading the story and song graphic novel. i don’t think it will be any good. the themes and character arcs and plot of the show have been mangled beyond belief so nothing is really meaningful anymore. can we go back to the johann thing for a moment—

[rafesvoid]

Rain together

You never thought at 20 years old you’d still be on the outer banks living the life as a Pogue while serving to the kooks. You didn’t think you’d be a kook by now either. That being the last thing you wanted. All you craved was to be somewhere far far away from this Pogue vs Kook life.

But life was expensive. No matter what job you got it was never enough. And the high paying jobs were strictly ran by kooks and only for kooks. And even if a Pogue like you managed to land a job owned by some brooding kook you were underpaid and overworked.

This brain tangling dilemma lead you to choosing a job as a quaint restaurant. The pay wasn’t much but maybe in a few years you’ll book a one way ticket to where no Kook has been. The restaurant was often quiet. The music you’ve gotten to know by heart being louder than any conversation held.

People didn’t come there to socialize or have a nice dinner with their family. It was more of a 30 minute getaway before immersing yourself back into the Pogue life. Which is why everyone and their mother was shook when none other than the Cameron’s walked in.

It had been like any other day, long and uneventful yet giving you much time to be with your thoughts. The rain was pouring down hard. The sound of the droplets hitting everything in sight outside soothing you more than anything could.

Maybe 10 people occupied the restaurant besides you and your coworkers. Most just wanting a coffee while waiting for the rain to die down. But as you tried your best to remove a stain with a hot rag the bell of the restaurant went off alerting you of a new presence.

You heard a herd of feet walk near the cashier you before you locked eyes with the Ward himself. You almost wanted to pinch yourself to see if it was real. Most kooks would rather die than be seen on the cut unless it was for a party let alone eat in one of their restaurants.

But in the flesh was the whole Cameron family soaking wet and waiting for something to eat.

“I- What can I get for you guys tonight”

You meekly poured out with the tight lip smile. “Maybe a new set of clothes if you have the back there” the ward replied with a smile filled with none either than warmth

Now you never socialized with the Cameron’s yet you had your own assumptions on them. The ward being a kind person was not one of them.

“Well over there we have some heaters you can sit by and I’ll give you paper menus and once you’re ready you can come order”

Ward and rose thanked you while their 3 brooding childeren followed them. After a silent 15 minutes or so of every Pogue in the restaurant exchanging looks each Cameron came up one by one to order food. Rafe being the last

Rafe was a year older than you. You didn’t go to school with him and only saw him at parties snorting a line. It be a lie to say you didn’t think he had grown more attractive by the minute but it also be a lie to say he ever crossed your mind. Until tonight.

Rafe walked to the counter his head hung low obviously regretting his families decision to come into a Pogue ran restaurant than wait the storm out in the car. But as he reached you his scowl adorned face softened. The hue of his eyes lightened to the different color blues than the black he wore mere seconds ago

He paused eyes running across you for what felt like a century. Rafe didn’t know you. If he ever saw you before there’s a chance he’d mix you up with 50 other girls yet he stared at you like you were one in a billion.

“Can I get your number?”

———

Hi! This is my first Rafe fic so bear with me if it’s awful. I will get better I swear

Also I love rafe but he’s the only reason I watched obx so if something doesn’t make sense because it’s not accurate plz ignore it because in really just do not know lol

[andithiel]

hi !

first off, thank you for going through with this idea, and thank you again for the good time I had reading it. i remember the main idea of it, but what i loved during the first reading is the dilemma of religion and a "sinful" relationship. it's not something i'd have thought about, much less ever imagining being a component of a fic. especially in this case where it'd mean being outcasts, and having to lie to be safe. i also can't help with loving the "idea" that people can decide to leave everything for the person they love, even if in this case, they're fictional characters.

i'm curious to know what was your inspiration to write a monastery au ?

Hi! Thank you so much for this ask, I loved every word of it! I've been thinking about it the entire day, and how to best approach it (overthinker? me?). I'm not sure I'll be coherent with my answer because I have a lot of thoughts about this and pollen is making my head fuzzy so I'm not sure I'll be able to sort throught them, but here's a try.

I think I'll start with your last question, what my inspiration for this fic was: It really started as a joke between me and my friend Etalice as she was helping me ironing out the angstiest fic I had written to that date. I was complaining about my dilemma of tying everything together, and Etalice said that for next year, I could write a "fluffy Monk!AU where no one fucks and everyone is just really happy all the time." So I said "Well, if I'm writing them as monks you'd better believe it's going to be full of repressed sexual tension." And, well, when Etalice's birthday came up about five months after that, I started thinking about how to do that. I'm not sure how I came up with the plot, I guess I just wanted them to be really repressed and pining for each other and tried to come up with situations where that would happen. And including lots of plants. My main work was doing a lot of research, because I know next to nothing about living in a monastery, let alone in medieval times.

The thing about my writing is I very rarely plan my motifs or symbolism, I just go very much with the flow and wing it, and then usually other people will tell me what I put into it (which is kind of exciting because it makes me feel like a better writer than how I feel while writing). One of my goals with this fic was to throw a lot of guilt in it (because it's hot, what can I say? And because I thought Etalice would like it: lots and lots of pining and refraining (which, also hot)). In the fic, both Draco and Harry have had desires to other men previously before meeting each other, but have decided to repress them (Harry less successfully), but when they meet, something bigger than themselves unfold, and the religious dilemma sort of came with the package.

I'm not a religious person, I don't think I've ever been, but I believe that if there's some higher power, it has to be love (whether romantic or platonic). So what I really wanted to write was a story about a kind of love that will make you strive to be a better person, not for show, but for yourself and the ones you care about, the kind of love that conquers all, who makes you brave enough to be true to yourself.

Sorry this got a bit long. I hope it was somewhat understandable and also some sort of answer to your question. It still makes me so happy that the story and my rendition of Draco and Harry as monks stayed with you enough that you wanted to read it again ❤️ Thank you for reminding me of this, and also of this time in my life 💖

[sun-marie]

'kay putting this here bc i feel insane and i'm thinking about this way more than i should, but i've never been so conflicted on two romance options pre-release before

pros of me romancing davrin:

he's a completely new character unique to veilguard

seems charming as hell

he's an elf, which is good bc a) pointy ear go brrr and b) it would be my first elf/elf relationship (as opposed to my extremely common human/elf). which i guess isn't that important but is good for variety

handsome as all hell

assan <3

understated angst potential of a grey warden romance

h a n d s o m e

could make my rook want to be a better person :)

cons of me romancing davrin:

bioware's spotty history of writing black characters respectfully

i have already romanced a grey warden (alistair)

i have already romanced an elf (fenris)

i have already romanced a warrior (cassandra... all three really)

potential for tragic ending (bc grey warden)

pros of me romancing lucanis:

i have yet to romance a crow, or an antivan character, or a rogue

plethora of background in his book appearance

attractive (when dressed right)

adorable awkwardness potential

can cook

long hair + beard combo go brrr

apparently very funny but also has an impressive amount of righteous anger (hot)

accent

could be morally ambiguous with my rook >:)

cons of me romancing lucanis:

elf/human pairing again, which again not that important but i'd prefer variety

angst potential could lean too far into camp depending on how Spite is written (a la A*ders and J*stice)

short (sorry kings)

could be missing out on more satisfying friendship dynamic

like am i overthinking this or do y'all see my dilemma

[rafent]

Gregory x Rafal Support Chain: The Rafal Answer Key "Who Is the Real You?"

Rafal is a real piece of work. I have as much love for him as I do because he's messy, imperfect, and I understand how he ticks. But coming hot off the heels of the Fell Xenologue, he also stands as the game’s most mysterious character.

We’ve known his false Nil persona for the entirety of the DLC and the true Rafal only for the epilogue. Getting a pulse on his real personality just off the story campaign is difficult. Because he makes that drastic switch from antagonist to playable, and because he's had that off screen thousand year time skip, he probably benefits the most from players reading his supports. To that end, he has six supports that contribute to his clarity, but one in particular that really paints a clear picture of who he is and narrows it down:

Gregory x Rafal, the keystone support to understanding Rafal.

By our player perspective, Rafal's situation after the DLC inspires many questions; does he still have a penchant for evil? Is he rebounding? How much has he changed after his time skip, or has he changed at all? What are his goals now? Etc, etc. And the questioning of Rafal is a reasonable curiosity because the Gregory x Rafal support directly alludes to that dilemma.

Gregory: I guess I was right, then. Before, when you were being nice to us…that was all an act, wasn’t it?

Rafal: Of course it was an act. Is your weak mind so easily soothed by empty platitudes? Oh, Gregory, I’ve missed you so. The sight of you fills my heart with joy.

Gregory: Ouch. You don’t have to be so mean. Words hurt as bad as blades, you know.

Rafal: Then state your business, and cease to waste my time. What brings you to me now? Revenge?

Gregory: What? No. I’m not like that at all. I don’t believe in revenge. I don’t have any particular business with you.

Rafal: Then begone. You are of no further use to me.

At the beginning of the support chain, Rafal looks like he’s falling back into old footsteps. Willing to throw his former allies away, dismissive of Gregory’s presence, scathing, cruel, and sharp-tongued to someone who is only reaching out; everything he says here implies that he is a shade of Nil. Fortunately, Gregory already has an idea that something is not right. Calling Rafal’s cruelty a continued ‘mask’ in the vein of his kindness is the most illuminating thing he could have done. It already sets the stage for the most important post-DLC question:

Gregory: You’re cruel. But it feels like a mask, just like your kindness did. So…who is the real you?

Straight to the chase, putting Rafal on the spot. And Rafal is having none of it. He pulls a dark face, calls Gregory's naivete 'staggering', and stalks away. Typical Rafal behavior. Luckily, Gregory our licensed animal biologist comes to the rescue and gives an expert reading on the wildlife.

Gregory: The way you feel obligated and try to push me away. Your inability to honestly express thanks. You try to hide it, but I see you. And I doubt you’ll betray us again. Probably. No, definitely.

グレゴリー: 負い目を感じて冷たく突き放そうとしたり、 感謝しているのに素直になれずにいたり。

This succinct analysis says it all; it sweeps the cobwebs and clears any uncertainty. Rafal isn't cruel for the sake of being cruel, if that was ever under question. The full picture is that he’s not to be taken at face value and what’s learned here is important. Both the stated inability to express himself and his strong feelings of obligation which lead to pushing people away are conceptual staples for his character. They can be applied to the understanding of other interactions.

"Your inability to honestly express thanks." Rafal's difficulty of self-expression is easily explained, all we need to do is look at his background. Rafal is not used to putting his emotions on display when the near majority of his life was spent pretending to be someone else. His formative growth also comes from a cutthroat society that places distrust in one's own kin.

Qualities like kindness and trust would lead to an early death in Gradlon, and it's why Rafal repeatedly expresses awe that Alear can be so kind and trusting; in his words, 'naive'. To him, THESE are the inappropriate, exploiting, and dangerous traits, which are underway to being de-stigmatized as he begins to see their merits. Rafal isn't like Veyle who wasn't old enough to fight in Gradlon's wars or recall its struggles, or like Alear who is but suffered amnesia over their memories, or even like Nel and Nil who had biological twins; he is a lonely, direct, and maximal product of his environment with very few sources of positive reinforcement.

"The way you feel obligated and try to push me away." The raw JPN line above furthers elaborates on that obligation as a feeling of guilt, which can be extrapolated anyway, but is nice to have set in stone. And that emphasis is important. Rafal is fronting, he has an affected conscience, and it’s revealed that he does what he does out of obligation, because Gregory is someone that he’s hurt. Bad. And what will hurt him worse in Rafal’s eyes is orbiting near Rafal and sharing space with the person responsible for his pain.

Is this a compassionate way of thinking? Definitely. It means that Rafal is conscientious; he's thinking of his victims, he understands the profundity of his past behavior and it colors his guilt to the point where he’ll act harshly to deter interaction. Don’t stain your hands with me, don’t make things worse for yourself—that sort of well-meaning if extreme mentality. 

Is this the right way? Way more debatable. It doesn't matter if he hurts Gregory in the process of repelling him because the ends justify the means. He doesn’t default to healthy communication or dialogue; instead he’s immediately willing to self-sabotage and push people away. To wear the ‘mask’ just like he did as NIl, and demonize himself so that others won’t want to possibly engage with him further. The true Rafal is snappish and prickly, still deceptive, occasionally even cruel.

But is it for malice? No.

Rafal: Do you recall nothing of how I played you for a fool? The life that was lost because of it?

Gregory: Of course I remember…

Rafal: Surely you are harboring resentment─or fear, at the very least, that I may turn on you again.

And over all, that's the crucial line drawn by this support: it's not that Rafal doesn't care at all. Rafal cares. A LOT. We can see Gregory x Rafal as a microcosm. If Rafal didn't care about someone, if he truly did see them as disposable and insignificant, he would do anything else but reach outside of himself and empathize with their internal conflicts. He would do anything but act out of roundabout goodness on their behalf. 'Actions over words' is an adage that he references in his A support with Alear and it applies ironically to himself.

(Died Zelestia, Gregory, Madeline) Rafal: All of the remaining Winds, gone in a flash. I wonder if I even have the right to grieve...

Camilla: I’ve noticed you keep your friends at arm’s length, no matter how warmly they accept you. -> Rafal: I caused my sister’s death. I all but destroyed an entire world. I am irredeemable.

Rafal, Tiki Bond A: You remember, and yet still consider me a friend? I do not deserve this, but thank you.

Rafal is exceedingly conscious of where he stands in relation to others. At his core, he's unsure, guilty, and avoidant. He is uncertain of his place and his right to be happy as someone who stole that happiness from others so he keeps his distance. He feels a strong sense of duty to his victims, but struggles to be honest with his feelings, and so chooses the 'easy' out when faced with Gregory.

Gregory: As great as it sounds to just stand aside and avoid all conflict…If I stop watching you and you get killed, I could never look the Divine Dragon in the eye again.

Rafal: Ugh… If you insist, then so be it. But mind your place, and keep up─lest you be left behind.

Gregory: But of course. I will do as you say, my former master.

Every instance of his interaction with Gregory in this support chain sans A ends with Rafal walking away first or dismissing him. Is it really walking though? No, it's running. Rafal is not in his element, he feels compromised, or can't stand the way the other is bit by bit beginning to disarm him. Rafal is trying his best to keep up his walls for Gregory's sake, but the reality is that kindness and good intentions are always disarming. It's no different here.

Gregory: Oh, believe me, I used to resent and hate you with all my heart. Still do, if I’m being honest. But that anger…it’s not directed entirely toward you.

Rafal: What is that supposed to mean?

Gregory: Well, I never realized you had a secret. I didn’t even realize how much you were suffering. I’m more angry at myself for being so useless. I wasn’t able to help you. To…to rescue you.

Rafal: Is that so.

In sum, a character who is inwardly compassionate and outwardly cruel; has both very high self esteem and very low self esteem; who seemingly stands his ground but in reality takes the earliest opportunity to flee; all things that manage to coexist.

[alteredsilicone]

Warframe Quest tier list

Explanations of ratings under the cut:

Great: Quests that hooked me conceptually and are the core of how I view the game/my own characters and worldbuilding

Sacrifice - This quest is worth the hype. That's it. Even though I have gripes with Umbra from a fandom perspective, I love the lore of the Warframes a lot.

Glast Gambit - personal sentimental favorite, this is purely my own bias. I think it's a really good early example of a fun character interaction (Nef and Ergo, toxic old man yaoi LONG before WITW; they are divorced, the worm in my brain told me so) and also an interesting way to show the "choice" system via a moral dilemma (Neewa's fate).

Whispers in the Wall also goes into the "Great" tier, great quest, great characters, great setup for the next era of Warframe and imo a culmination of all the ups and downs that Warframe has been through the years and that ended up in a truly great narrative experience.

Good: Quests I liked but that missed a certain "oomph"

Duviri Paradox - I love Duviri as a place and the mythology around it, but I expected something different from the quest itself. Certain story beats didn't land because I did not feel the emotional connection the game expected me to (coughcoughTeshin'sfakeoutdeathcoughcough). Also didn't like Drifter being a snarky ass in a Marvel-esque way. I'm too used to RPGs and MMOs so when a game forces a characterization on my character I get really antsy if it's something she would not say.

Deadlock Protocol - I LOVE the Corpus so any Corpus content gets instant bias bonus points. Introduction of a very solid villain, Nef bullying. It has it all. This quest could also go in "great" but I think the narrative itself isn't compelling and earth-shattering enough to warrant that.

Waverider - hot take alert! Corpus bias once again, Nef being humbled is always a plus. The k-drive was annoying but I got gud and finished the quest, it was entertaining.

Vox Solaris - good introduction to the Solaris faction but I feel the conflict was solved way too quickly, but I also wasn't around for the release, the ARG and the introduction of the Orb Mothers. Still, I think Nef and the Solaris' conflict could be made into a cinematic three-parter on its own. Oh well, that's what fanfiction is for. (Ps. Nightwave Season 3 had a forgettable side character, Cutter, who touched upon a subject I wish the Solaris plotline explored more)

Call of the Tempestarii - I almost want to put it in "wasted potential" only because I wish Vala had more of a prominent role. Sighs. I love Corpus, I love evil women, I got an evil Corpus woman. Please give me more evil Corpus women.

Chains of Harrow - overall good quest. Rell's story is heart-wrenching. I still headcanon that "Margulis cast him out" is Red Veil propaganda and Rell got separated from the rest of the Tenno in other ways and was brainwashed to believe he was cast out completely.

Second Dream - I knew the Operator existed before I played this quest so I didn't have the HOLY SHIT WHAT!!! reaction, but I think this is a good quest and I understand why people guard the Operator secret even though I think it hurts the narrative of Warframe overall. Oh Well.

New War - To me it's like a Marvel movie, a huge spectacle. It was fun in the way a popcorn movie is fun. It was more fun gameplay wise than story-wise, though I enjoyed the Void/Wally/Zariman lore the most (it's my second favorite thing after Corpus stuff).

Okay - these are quests which either didn't particularly speak to me, or I just have completely forgotten. All the early quests fall into "forgotten" category and things post War Within are more on the "okay" side.

Wasted potential - Silver Grove. My joy, my pain. I WISH this wasn't an ancient quest and the post-quest moral actually applied to New Loka. I think as a concept New Loka are very interesting, but poorly executed, so now they're just "lol ecofascists/plant nazis" so I can't even get people to engage with them on a serious level. Forever seething and malding

Disappointment of the century - Angels of the Zariman. I was there, I participated in the ARG to the best of my ability, I read the logs, I changed my blog title to "Abyssus accipit et Abyssus dat" because I liked it that much. Then I got a 30 minute tutorial quest with a bunch of NPCs I don't care about and my Operator had zero emotional reaction TO RETURNING TO THE PLACE WHERE IT ALL FUCKING BEGAN AND THEY KILLED THEIR PARENTS AND LOST EVERYTHING THEY EVER HELD DEAR JESUS FUCK WHY WHY WHY

anyways

I warmed up to the Holdfasts and Yonta is cute so I have forgiven her crimes. Also this was during an era where I was constantly miffed at DE adding new characters instead of building on old ones.

So yeah, that's that.

tl;dr - I have a bias towards lore regarding the Warframes themselves, Corpus and anything regarding the Void/Tenno. Also I have shit memory.

[hit-song-showdown]

Year-End Poll #53: 2002

[Image description: a collage of photos of the 10 musicians and musical groups featured in this poll. In order from left to right, top to bottom: Nickelback, Ashanti, Nelly, Nelly and Kelly Rowland, The Calling, Vanessa Carlton, Linkin Park, Fat Joe, Usher, Puddle of Mudd. End description]

More information about this blog here

We're starting to see post-grunge start to take the place of alternative rock in the pop charts, with the rising popularity of Nickelback, The Calling, Puddle of Mudd, Creed, 3 Doors Down, and other similar acts. Despite the immense popularity (or perhaps because of it), post-grunge continues to be a controversial label among rock listeners for the genre's tendency to favor pop-friendly melodies and "simpler" subject matters.

Speaking of controversial rock subgenres, this year also contains a single from one of the best-selling debut records at the time (going 12 times Platinum), Linkin Park's In the End off the album Hybrid Theory. And with that (or parallel to that) came the rise of nu metal and rap metal in the mainstream. It's notable because, at least not since glam metal in the 80's, there hadn't been a subgenre of metal that really blew up with mainstream non-metal audiences to the point where it came to define that moment in time for many. (I know Metallica was able to spread past the confines of genre listeners, but that didn't really lead to a thrash or heavy metal craze among people who wouldn't have already been predispositioned to listen to it).

Nu metal is also incredibly fascinating to me personally because it really shows how "genre" can differ whether you're approaching it from a music-listening perspective or a marketing one. If I had to boil "nu metal" down to a simple set of characteristics, it would be "a subgenre of metal that favors shorter runtimes, takes heavy influences from hip-hop sound and culture, and is often associated with the early 2000s". But if you asked marketing teams at the time, "nu metal" would probably be defined as, "the popular rock music we can't market to the alternative rock crowd". That could be why, to this day, you often see bands like Linkin Park, Korn, Limp Bizkit, Staind, System of a Down, and even Evanescence lumped together under the descriptor, even though I think they don't all have much in common other than the time period, song length, and popularity. If you're marketing on the radio, it makes more sense to squish them together instead of trying to split hairs over subgenres. Only a few (and by "few" I mean "one") of these artists I've listed will be featured in future polls, but I wanted to ramble about this anyway.

Anyway, despite the immense amount of money brought in by albums like Hybrid Theory, the record industry was still scrambling to find ways to get people to pay for music again. In 2002, Nokia released the first polyphonic ringtone, which allowed the phone to play several notes at once. With cellphones growing in popularity, this may be the solution the record industry was looking for.

[amysgiantbees]

The Eclipse

Thoughts as I go, spoilers...

Currently studying to become a primary school teacher. So I'm living for the way this show advocates for akonga voices. As well as how strict discipline and authoritarianism in schools negatively impacts students ability to stand up for themselves or speak up in other areas of their lives. Also, the way tradition and a lack of flexibility is directly tied to conservatism and bigotry. You can't have true equity and the level of control authoritarian regimes desire. I'm living for it engaging with Children's Rights as dictated by the UN.

Love, LOVE, LOOOOOOVE libraries being a part of my anti-establishment media.

I love teacher Sani and her dilemma, which I'm learning about ATM, of having a duty to students but not being able to fix everything, or even most things in their lives. Also, her having to deal with the dilemma of what if someone else's teaching style is technically working but fundamentally goes against what you believe teaching should be. What to do if your school doesn't support the students. She did loose several points at the end by outing Chadok and hanging out with under aged children on a beach, without their parents, while they drunk alcohol. But otherwise loved her.

*T&C Obviously enthusiastic consent is key in real life. I love Aye and Akk's dynamic. It works so well narratively. Usually when the dynamic is A is outwardly very not into it and B is aggressively trying to get with them I find it a bit uncomfortable and un-engaging. Not necessarily because it's problematic. More so I usually don't feel compelled by the couple at that point. Because B feels like they might as well be pursuing a table with how little they're getting back. But here, there is that back and forth even if Akk is in denial. Because it's never a simple full stop no. It''s actually never a no. He avoids, he changes the subject, he yearns openly without saying anything. Which builds a compelling dynamic between the two. Between Aye's vibrant, open, confident personality and the layers of lies Akk's built for himself and the other side of him that he hardly feels he can show anyone. There is push and pull instead of push and stop between them.

Love how when Khan and Wat sparred they almost looked like they were dancing together for a second.

I get that the plot has to happen but I just find it funny how lax the school nurse is. I went to a private school like this (admittedly not in Thailand) and the nurse watched you regularly to make sure you were sick. You certainly didn't have friends visiting. I don't really mind the inconsistency, I just find it funny.

God not only is this hitting me as a future teacher but it's also reminding me of everything I hated at my one year at private school. Expensive uniforms. Being forced to wear blazers even when it's hot. The staff feeling more comfortable being homophobic and sexist (as well as the straight forwardly homophobic policy that same sex couples couldn't attend the ball). The principle caring more about reputation than the students (to the point that when a mental health speaker was going to come to school he made us submit questions before hand so we "wouldn't embarrass the school"). Teachers never letting you off the clock even when school is over, insisting you still follow the rules and are still representing the school. Private schools are miserable.

I feel like a key theme of this show is understanding. It was Dika's ethos to be understanding. Chadok's lack of understanding of his depression contributed to Dika's death. Ayan is endlessly understanding. To the point that he almost becomes a mini-Dika. With Akk, Khan, and Thua all feeling comfortable despite their initial suspicions confiding in him.

Coming from NZ which has an appalling high rate of suicide in youth I love how mental health is explored in this. I love how Ayan is able to recognise Akk's depression and mental decline from his own mental health issues and time with his uncle. How that isn't a weakness in this regard but something that allows him the insight to give Akk the space and support he requires. I love how seriously school pressures are taken in the narrative.

I would have liked an apology from Thua for outing Akk. As well an apology for blaming him for the curse, since he'd been continuing it too. It was such an uncalled for move and more importantly felt like it betrayed his character. He wanted truth apparently, so he should have come out about being responsible for doing some of the curse and then blamed the rest on Chadok. That would have made more sense with what info he had from his step-dad. Then Akk could have come out about what he'd done of his own accord to protect Chadok since he was still brain washed. He should not have brought up Akk and Ayan. It felt like his character genuinely did it not out of true character driven motivations but for the plot. He was fine with Khan keeping their relationship a secret so it felt enormously hypocritical and unlike him.

It made me laugh a lot in the moment but in hindsight I'm not sure the way teacher Chadok quit and him hugging the principle worked. It's quite clear this is systemic abuse that is mainly being perpetuated by the principle. I could understand if Chadok still hadn't quite come to resent her fully yet. But even if he was still in denial about her abuse and manipulation him hugging her shouldn't have been played for laughs. It should have been framed as sad and a bit pathetic. This comedic tone feels like it's tied to the luke-warm apology he gives Akk and Ayan. It felt like the narrative wanted to redeem his story and end it on a positive note that he hadn't earned. So all his interactions suddenly started having a lighter or less antagonistic tone towards the end.

It felt like the show was missing an episode. I didn't believe that the principle would ever get rid of Suppalo's rules. I wanted there to be a proper moment of understanding between Thua and his step-father. I would of liked to see Namo apologise to the 3 J's for his homophobia and burning their stuff. I couldn't get on board with him being a prefect with his behaviour still being unresolved.

Ideally I would of had the last or second to last episode be the parents of all the kids coming together and forcing the principle to resign. Maybe Chadok and Thua's step-father organise it as a way for Chadok to start to redeem himself. There Chadok would testify to all the ways the principle is violating the Children's Act and would quit more dramatically, and less amicably there. Some parents would still like Suppalo's rules so Teacher Waree would be instated as principle since she seems to be a good in-between. Maybe they don't fire the judo teacher despite his homophobia. But Sani gets promoted to head of the Student Union so there's balance. It's not a perfect ending, there'll be work for the three J's club to do in the future, but the school is realistically moving forward.

Then maybe Thua and his step-father have a moment where they come to an understanding and seem to get each other finally. His step-father could tell him that he's glad he's standing up for himself but that after bottling it up for so long (if we keep his outing as much as I don't like it) he went too far and needs to apologise. So he apologises to Akk and Ayan. We then have Chadok do a much more serious apology to Ayan, Akk, and Ayan's mother. There he'd state that he's going to have a brake from teaching and get some therapy himself.

Skyy2

Again, I'm okay with something being problematic, but it's enormously out of place for a story that deals with adult manipulation and the way adults abuse power to bring up potential borderline grooming. Glad that the brief mention of it was all that happened for Wat and Sami. He has family troubles, she quite clearly should post-graduation fill the role of a big supportive sister.

I get that plot needs to happen but it's very strange for a story that is so mental health focussed to have for their fun silly special such a mean prank. Ayan brought Akk to tears and upset him for days with his lies for a surprise that was not worth it. Not that the song wasn't lovely, it was great, but I don't think that's worth days of manipulation. It would have made the episode less exciting but it really feels more like a "I forgot your birthday present" level of prank not I forgot your birthday and keep dismissing your feelings about it. It was just uncomfortable. I can't imagine pranking any of my mentally ill friends like this or even my non-mentally ill friends. I just didn't feel like it was worth the pay off. Especially since there was a whole, we're going to be long distance for several years angst plot to do instead.