#BUT UGHHHH
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ao3 is down. so, like,,,,
how are you guys? how,,, how has your day. been? good? okay. happy 4 u.
sorry. i dont know how to talk to human beings.
#GOING FERAL#i have fics downloaded im fine#BUT UGHHHH#give it back#ao3#ao3 is down#and im sad#marauders#i miss them so much
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bro i just remembered im gonna be out of town for new years :((
#which means i cant use tumblr#bc i only use on my computer#to hide yk#i'll schedule a happy new year post#but ughhhh#its ok maybe i'll see a cute guy at the airport#airport crushes are real#i have bad luck on new years tho#i get sick a lot#last year i threw up so i had to leave a party#i was at home eating crackers and watching pjo#it wasnt that bad tbh#the being alone part not throwing up#eunoia annoys '♡'
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Being a hopeless romantic and aromantic SUCKS :(
#GRRRR#if ya guys want me to explain more I guess I could#but ughhhh#I'm constantly yearning#also I'm listening to The Smiths rn!!! love their songs#scout's posts#tf2#oc blog#tf2 scout oc#aromantic#ooc// projecting onto my oc again 💪
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i’m scared tonite’s fic might be a bit too homoerotic for the public’s liking
#IM TERRIFIED#BUT UGHHHH#i want to spice it up 😣😣#jude bellingham x reader#brahim diaz x reader#꙳⸌♡⸍꙳ — all gigi no hadid : speaks
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My Christmas gift this year is chickenpox, fever and a headache. What the hell :(
#I‘m not making this up#got the fever this night#froze my ass off#and woke up with my body covered in chicken pox#It‘s from the vaccine ig#but my doctor said I’d get a fever at most#not the pox :(((((#ig I dont have to go to church or see my extended family then#that‘s kind of a plus#but ughhhh#I was so exited about meeting all of my friends who came back home for the holidays#yapping
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in the reprise of NOMTW glinda doesnt sing the ending part. in the movie i want her singing at first, as is, then just choke on the words and just stop all together showing that no. someone is mourning elphaba. and its her.
#wicked#gelphie#spoilers#i guess#but ughhhh#i imagine glinda and elphaba singing the for good in that song in different places and just glinda absolutely overwhelmed she chokes#like audibly and visibly chokes on the word#cause she cant stop the emotions unlike the beginning#i love the angst its so delicious#but apparently i love hurting myself with my imagination#please make the second part better#it was a mess lmao
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Was thinking about doing commissions next year once I’m out of school and thought that if it’s just pieces of paper I could like mail people the original instead of like sending a picture cause having it physically is better but oh my days??? Eight quid??? Eight fucking quid??? To send a letter??? To send a fucking letter abroad??? Are you joking???
#tf do you mean eight quid#no ones gonna by from me if they have to pay shipping#ugh#ill have to figure out logistics#i dont wanna up the overall price to average out shipping costs for those who want them#but ughhhh#fucksake#louie says shit
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i have a headache
#i've been stuck scrolling instagram for the past few days#i don't even like being on there#modern ig is so overstimulating everything is either a reel or a reel in disguise or an image post that inexplicably has audio#i kept making myself go on there because i wanted to find a way to make art friends or a community or w/e#and i thought if i had more of a presence and interacted more i'd eventually get people to like. talk to me and comment stuff ig. idk#but ughhhh#i don't think insta is a good platform for that cause it's either pictures with a short caption or the worst media format known to man#like. idk i wanted to find and follow and be friends with and be Cool Artists (don't ask me to define that)#but no artist on instagram is a Cool Artist because there's no goddamn text on there#like if it makes sense i wanna find people who talk About art as well#but not in an art Discourse way#which is another thing. even if instagram had more Talking it would still be shit because the mainstream 'art community' is insufferable#art tiktok is that on steroids#and instagram is is bootleg tiktok#the same five discourse topics jokes memes advice whatever the only difference is now they're circlejerking about ai too#i wanna be Casual and Spontaenous and Mysterious and shit but IG's layout makes me feel like i can't just post whatever#i feel this pressure to give my posts all the same format and add tags and do this and do that and have good Branding or w/e#and it's just ughhh why can't I be a famous enigma (<- doesn't make or share anything)#even on tumblr the pressure is the same#and at the same time i hate looking back on my art accounts (both ig and here) because it just. doesn't align with what i wanna do#like my attempts at categorising and tagging and being consistent#it's just so. yuck#i want to have a Good Brand but i also want to be 'real' but then i look back at my disjointed messy past work and i cringe#i think i need to block my irls from my art accounts bc i feel super embarassed trying to do any typical Get Noticed on Social Media thing#cause it feels embarassing being seen doing shit that's ''influencer-y'' (idk what to call it)#cause it feels out of character to how i actually am in real life#but also why i do want to show my ''real'' character? I'm not cool#and that's another thing I've had these accounts for ages#looking at my past posts makes me fuckign cringe#I want to purge them or start over
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I feel like I should tell him I changed my mind
#goddddd#I hate thissss#why did I say yesssss#agujhhh#but that means 🤨🤨🤨 I get free stuff#and i lvoe free stuff#but ughhhh#but FREE STUFF FROM A RICH GUY??????#sighs#I hate this#💛!me talking💀
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life (or, end of year assessment marking) update:
84 papers marked
64 more due on Friday (like… halfway done? kinda?)
64 more due on Monday (… not started)
have gone through two red pens
I need a holiday pls and not the kind where I’m moving house/unwell
I also need to invent a way of never marking again. stay tuned
#teaching#text post#my post#I know I complain about marking a lot and like clockwork#but it TRULY is the worst part of my job#and probably the only bit of it that I actively despise#and it ALWAYS seems to turn up in these droves#which I guess is expected that’s how our exam timetable works#but ughhhh#especially when I had limited extra time/my extra time got eaten up by other commitments#which is partially my own fault but partially NOT ok. but it’s annoying#it will all be done by Tuesday#is what I keep telling myself#and then. no more marking until September#is there anyone who enjoys marking tbh and do they sell their services#I might even pay at this point
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trying not to beat myself up over doing just a 15 minute workout
#i don't have time and im gonna be tired later on so i had to squeeze it in#i have an all or nothing mentality when it comes to working out like i need to give it my all otherwise it feels pointless#and i know any movement is better than nothing but i didn't get to challenge my muscles and it just feels pointless hfjdhfh#was i sweating yes did my heart rate go up yes but i didn't feel the burn#also it was a beginners workout so maybe thats why#but ughhhh#my workouts are 1+ hour long this felt like nothing#i really hate how i feel so lethargic in the afternoon and at night i feel energetic that's when i want to workout the most
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god someone remind me to remake my master post u-u
even i cant navigate the current one
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me: *finally painting a full piece after so long struggling to just sketch* :D
my hands: hey what if
me: don’t you dare
my hands: I know it’s earlier than usual but what if we
me: you better not— I’m warning you
my hands: that’s nice.
me:
my hands: but
me: NO—
my hands:
my hands: 🎉 Hot Hands Hour 🎉
context: I’ve got some autoimmune symptoms that are flaring up at the moment and there’s one I like to call Hot Hands Hour and it’s when my hands get so inflamed and red that only dunking them in cold water can help (not ice, too extreme a temp, I tried and it only made it worst lmao)
#I know that holding my apple pen likely triggered it#because tech devices emanate warmth#but ughhhh#and yes following that logic you might be like ren why are you holding your phone rn to post this?#…..#yeah I don’t have an excuse for you#this is quick tho. I’m skedaddling to the sink#ok BYE#ren rambles#spoon tag#autoimmune#autoimmune disease#chronic illness#disability#spoonie
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how do i stop feeling like i'm in trouble all the time fr. sitting here on my lunch break like everyone's gonna be soooo mad when u get back...from lunch...which you are allowed to have.....(?)
#social anxiety kicking my ass so bad every day#unless my supervisor actually says hello you are doing an amazing job today and i dont hate you im like omg she hates me bc i suck......#miscounted the kids yesterday and left one on the playground for like two minutes and im still traumatized#she wasnt alone or anything there was another class w teachers but 😬🔫#killing myself killing myself killing myself#i counted them five times today tho#and the playground was empty which made it easier but ugh#infinitely better than my last job and im actually good at this but i still feel like my supervisor doesn't like me#even tho i think she's just a bit awk and has anxiety also lol#she was reading a book abt coping with anxiety the other day lol#also my other coworker w the drama likes me but the drama is always threatening to happennagain bc she doesnt like our supervisor#anyway#my mentor just got here before lunch for her half day shift so i feel better but aaaaa#way less stressful than my last job tho and im grateful but very stressed lately#also the owner of the school was in the room im taking lunch for a while and im like omg she's gonna be annoyed that im here#she's gonna judge me for having a chocolate bar like a shitty spoiled young person or whatever and listening to music bc im rude#i need to calm down fr#she complained abt lazy inconsiderate young people at my job interview so now im paranoid abt every interaction w her lmao#bc i am a lazy oblivious young person and also i took a sick day my first week which is what she was complaining abt said young people doing#but i legitimately was throwing up i Had to call out#that's life in child care#but ughhhh#i was determined not to bc this is a job where they expect you to come in even if ur sick#but puking is my limit i genuinely couldn't do it#anyway.#normal adult experience#doctor who told my mom i was high functioning i want our money back
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me when i’m trying to find hyper-specific teacher grooming content because i’m sick in the head but also i just wanna feel less alone and like im not the only one :(
#i know im not the only one#but ughhhh#solidarity or whatever#tw grooming#groomed#grooming#teacher grooming#vent#trauma core
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blegh
#dont read further than this if ur triggered by sh btw#stg bro i need to do ir#i could#i have everything i need to cur#but im not gonna bc its no cut november#but ughhhh#if there was a way for me to do it and hqve no consequences (like the scars)m#id do it#i need to i swearrrr#but i dont#i hate my brain#its been 20 days whig is 11 off my longesy streak#bleagh i hate this#keys speaks#keys speaks of irl#complaints department#sh vent#tw sh#tw sh mention
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