#BUT LIKE WHATEVER I DONT NEED THAT ON THE MIND RN
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queues this & runs
((i totally stole some of the piercings from madi hi madi ty))
:3
#i rlly gotta draw backgrounds not every character can b floating in link sauce#im still terrified of other kon fans tbh#BUT LIKE WHATEVER I DONT NEED THAT ON THE MIND RN#anywho im queueing this#i have no idea when its gonna post im just going 2 push some buttons n pray#no1 reads my tags but the keychains r coming >:3#oktime 2 get my 3rd cup of mac n cheese ramen#kon el#superboy#kon el kent#conner kent#dc#puppee art#trying 2 b confident in my kon design b4 i start making fanart fanart yk?#kshfjkshkg#IM WORKING ON IT ITS JUST UH yeah
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my stardew farmer ^_^ he doesnt have a green thumb for shit so he keeps animals and does mining
some tidbits i came up with while playing hehe
reclusive and doesnt really go out of his way to talk or visit people unless its an errand. but he also doesnt try to befriend others to get something out of it, so he has a very easygoing approach to making friends. on good terms with linus and sebastian since he runs into them most often.
if he respects or takes a liking to someone, he'll greet them with miss/mister (name). if you get close to him he starts using first name basis. if he doesn't like you, he'll refer to you by your title without using your name. only a few people have caught on to this.
the farm he inherited, Milky Way Farm, was the site of a meteorite crash and sometimes you can find shards of meteor debris littered around the farm (i picked the hilltop farm bc of this lol)
lost his sweater and pants a long ass time ago and doesnt have the time to look for them, so hes been working in his sleep clothes ever since
isnt actually grandpa's real heir to the farm... ;)
#sorry i havent been getting around to artfight attacks or art of anything lately bc my pen :) decided now would be the perfect#time to fucking bail on me :))) its gen 1 apple pen too so the fucker is discontinued hate and death on plsnet earth#like it TECHNICALLY works but only if i pair and re-pair it with the ipad until it senses it and that can be up to 38 tries#even then itll suddenly stop working if i take it off the ipad for more than 10 fucking seconds so i am not having a good time. this is the#second pen that this has happened to and i dont think its my ipad or software jesus christ. whatever. ill pretend not to care so it#fixes itself faster#ANYWAY COSMO!! YEAH. STARDEW IS STUPIDLY ADDICTING. i got it during the sale but im playing it on ios rn since i#dont have steam on my pc rn. i started a new save after the first one fizzled out and i think im doing way better this time yay#its a special kind of stress when u need to be in bed and its 1:50AM but the cat is in the fucking way#i wanna make more stuff with this guy i have a lot of stuff i wanna draw for him. i have a little backstory for him in mind#ill probably make a separate post to explain it but its a very long series of misunderstandings and ouran haruhi gender fuckery#my art#myart#my oc#oc#stardew farmer#sdv farmer#sdv#stardew valley#doodles#stardew
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its come to my attention that a lot of my thoughts about mr lukesguyliker make it seem like i think hes some kind of useless twink and i would like to clarify that that is NOT what i mean ever.
bro is very competent. bro is super strong. bro is genuinely terrifying. but also......... he is a certified drama queen who loves to complain and a certified trouble magnet. i think a lot of people mistake that and his lack of stoicism as weakness/submissiveness.
i have a deep hate for people who make him all meek and hyperfem and shit. ive seen a lot of shit that infantilizes him and it just pisses me off esp bc so many mlm ships end up falling victim to the big strong daddy and weak little baby stereotype bullshit. like nah. fuck outta here. literally who are you talking about. bro races the space equivalent of cars and goes hunting for fun. bro has a kill count in the millions. bro could kill you with half a thought. he dont need some daddydom freaky weirdo to do everything for him. he needs an equal who isnt scared of him.
#plz read all my tags theyre important#this is what i mean when i say he needs a mf who isnt afraid to manhandle him#like#“youre the strongest dude in the galaxy? cool. youre in the way so im just going to move you hope you dont mind”#“oh you dont feel like a real person rn? thats cool we can fuck whatevs”#i do NOT mean#“grrr alpha is angry >:( you've made daddy angry kitten.... grrr”#“i must protect my sweet flower angel baby.... who has never killed anyone ever”#if you disagree with me then you have strongly misinterpreted his character#hope this helps#lukesguyliker#star wars#luke skywalker#dinluke#biggsluke#original trilogy#skysolo#wedgeluke
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ignore razor and blade in the background this isnt about them . anyway . Looks around all scared. thoughts on him ^
#if anyone is actually wondering why they are there though they were just serving as references for what a sonic style shark might look like#and i was too lazy to get rid of them#ive been wanting to make a shark sonic oc for forever . well i finally made an attempt at it#just in the 'messing around and throwing shit on the canvas to see what works'' stage rn though . dont know how much he will change#i feel like he looks a bit plain. needs more markings or accessories or something#but im also trying to stay somewhat close to what actual shark sonic characters/underwater mobians in general look like#but then again the only sharks we see are a pair of siblings who only show up in archie sonic#so they might not be the best examples. idk.#i mean im already breaking the rules by giving him shoes#but he has shoes because im thinking he might spend a lot of time on land . where its not as comfortable/safe to go barefoot#whatever man idk#my art#oh and also ive been calling him riptide the shark in my mind as a placeholder name idk if itll stick or not
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dad just sent me an ominous text to intimidate me ig
#im so tired im so tired im so tired im so tired#i really dont want to be going through this right now#can we get on with the end of the world or literally anything it would be real nice hehe#im so tired#so much scary horrible things are happening rn#and it's obviously my fucking PARENTS#i can't keep going i dont want to it's so hard#i don't even know anything anymore idk who's in the right idk who's lying about what#uhhhh whatever whatever i need to sleep#but idk if I'll be able to ugh#dads just trying to ruin mom financially even though he's got enough money already and she can't fucking work#and i get the fucking. first row seat#and now he hates me too ig idk#why would he fucking send me that text of he didn't want to let me know hes furious with me or to#scare me idk fuck this#and I'm watching another horrible divorce with a close family member a#AND another fucking insane thing has been happening that's a huge problem ahaaaa im losing#my fucking mind here#and there's literally nothing i can do here like i can sit and take it#or die ig
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im writing a short fanfic rn and i am SO CLOSE to being done i just need to fill in a conversation its so ANNOYINGGGG😭😭
#literally all i need is to somehow bring the conversation from return of the living dead to baking#i might make more chapters#but rn its just abt 2k words of jealous/protective mike#also i DID NOT realize how long it took to write an actual okay sized fanfic until i wrote this#i have written before but it was only like 500 words#and whatever else i have in my notes app is word vomit of scenarios i have in my head#but fr im seriously im not moving until i get this posted#i have like THREE lines of dialogue left#but yeah ill post it here maybe tiktok and on ao3#oh wow thats a lot of tags#dont mind me guys😁😁#byler#stranger things#mike wheeler#will byers
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do i really want to make individual drinks again
#reaching back into the file cabinets of my mind to remember how i made certain drinks when i worked at the cafe#in preparation for the possibility of this new job#it would certainly mean far less goofing off time than i have at my current job. and i value my goofing off time dearly#but the people here are so fucking annoying lmao. i hate them soooo much#not that the people at this new job would be any better. we're still dealing with investment bankers#godddddd. what i really would want (which would be impossible)#would be to go back to working at the cafe but like. still have paid time off and insurance lmao#but the cafe was a small business and he was not offering paid time off and insurance. and the pay was way less#but i did get to play whatever music i wanted. unfortunately you cant live on that#like i can always say no to this new job if its offered to me. but is my goofing off time worth:#2 dollars less in pay and a half hour to an hour's more commute. well i dont know#a shorter commute would mean i could sleep more. and have more time at home .#i mean i probably don't Need all this goofing off time. but its nice#i dont knowwwwwww#like even though im a bit nervous abt doing it again i know that i would easily fall back into the routine of making drinks#which i was fairly good at. my one drawback is that i cant do latte art but i dont know that theyd really care here#and (because i found the menu of where id work) theres not a ton of drink options?? just the standard stuff#its being called a starbucks cafe but 1) its not managed by them and 2) it does not have their 5 billion drink options#so thats good. less to worry about#doesnt look like i even have to make anything foodwise which i had to at the cafe#here it looks like people can just buy a pastry and thats it#the hours are like. the same i work now. also good#sorry im like using this post to think through my thoughts.#uhhhh oh i looked up the manager who looks like a weenie so im not keen on the prospect of interviewing with him#but i probably would have thought that about my current manager if id seen a pic of him prior to interviewing. i guess???#and with these kind of catering units it seems you dont often deal directly with the manager that much anyway#i just gotta see if i get good vibes#rn i have unsure vibes. but i need a sign to see if this could be good for me#oh id also save money on transportation. and taxes! bc i wouldnt be working in ny anymore#lol oops tag limit. well i hope you enjoyed my job thoughts you probably didnt i know i didnt
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so yea running servers isnt like a cheap thing is what ive been learning these past couple weeks
#fair warning this is me just like going off new knowledge so i could be getting things wrong#buying an actual server isnt really that expensive itself! the issue is like actually running it and when you have actual ppl on said serve#thats where costs start racking up#theres different ways to go about handling a server but mainly what ive been getting from this is:#self hosting (running urself) or managed hosting (having a 3rd party run it for you)#so when ur small or solo u can get away with managed servers cause theyre pretty lowcost or free#and you usually want to go this route if you dont have the skills built up to take care of a server yourself#or if you arent interested in learning cause its pretty time consuming and u have to upkeep it#but they are scary expensive once u get a certain amount of users from what ive seen#its extremely convenient and gives u peace of mind but theres no point using the service if ur making enough money#especially since you wont have as much control of your server if its managed#so at that point just hire people to take care of your own servers you buy#however there are still server costs u need to pay (along with the people u have hired)#im only bringing this up to say that solmare is running ''two'' separate servers for two seperate games (as far as ik)#and probably arent making that much more in profit cause#me as a user...if i have two games that r practically the same on my phone im not spending money on both#its either one or the other#but you still need to pay accordingly to have both of these servers up#like realistically they arent gonna be able to keep both apps running indefinitely#but yea whatever they were saying in the beginning about having both games running and not forgetting about the og#was either a very generous guess or they were just lying#if it were like a nikki game situation where all the games r very different then maybe it would have been feasible#anyways yea sorry i needed an excuse to talk about the website stuff ive been learning!! and obey me is always in the back of my head#im like thinking about this stuff a lot cause for my site i need to have a server and its like okay we r gucci rn#i can stick with managed for now cause im assuming its gonna stay small#but like...theres always that non zero percent chance that it might not be gucci later on lol#so been researching a lot and i just dont wanna run my own server that sounds so boring its not even funny#so yea im just like AHHH
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brothers I am stacked with work but I can't for the life of me do any of it. I just had to look for pictures on pinterest but I gave up and fell asleep 🥲
#the solution would be to skip school but I end up just not doing anything even then#I literally feel paralysed lateky#my mind wants to do everything#instead I just lay in bed and scroll social media#but its gotten to a point where i come on tumblr and i just scroll the same posts over and over bc it doesnt even matter what im looking at#i just dont wwnt to think or feel anything and if my hands are occupied my mind is too#and my mind is just so busy lately i find it hard to listen to music too#i keep on restarting the songs bc i constantly zone out#but i keep on zoning out xd#its no good#I love bttt#but i feel like the fantasy wolrd i created around them is crumbling slowly and im being faced w. reality and idk what to do#i want to stay happy with my bros and i will but#ye whatever i will#i just need to fix myself a bit#but idk how to bc skipping school doesnt help going to school makes jt worse#whatever i just go to sleep🥰#or ill stay awake and watch some bt tours#and then ill do this task in the morning#procrastinating pissing rn brb
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anyways sry its not srs eventually ill get it together . and be a person again. one day
#its just like atm everything that i need is like . not possible. which is oartially my brain being like We have to do this before we this#which sometimes isnt true but sometimes is#like i cant get medicated again or back seeing a psych or back on t until i get a job again#but i cant get a job again utnil i get my ged <- partially untrue but ged would make it a lot easier#but i cant get my ged until i have a job bc it costs money <- if i asked my parents they would probably help me If they had money 2 spare#since like. yk. they want ne to be able to work again so i have money again and ill be another source of income and they care abt me also .#affirmations . ppl donot just see me as a piggy bank they do see me as a person im not judt someone to squeeze money out of thats not how#ppl view me and its fine its fine its fine its fine . it feels so stupid being scared abt that i feel like a rich person whos like She only#likes me for my money 😭 like stfuuu annoying ass. i just ummmm. have a massive fear of debt and like. ppl demanding money from me#unexpectedly or expecting i am going to give them money. not in like a Ohhh fucking ppl want me to donate not it at all im happy to donate#but in like. god this is dumb. eveeytime i got birthday or christmas money as a kid i had to give it to my parents so they could buy food or#gas or whatever. and it never got paid bsck and it felt like shit. but i couldnt ever say no bc then itd be My fault we didnt have food that#week . yk. my first paycheck i had to give it all to my mom for groceries and we got in a fight in the store bc she was like Ok im gonna go#buy pop and my dumbass got upset abt it bc like. my mom told me itd be Necessities nd like. yk. wtvr. it was fucking stupid my entire family#r caffeine addicts so pop is a necessity i was just. rly upset and it felt like my parents saw my money as just. theirs but they had to ask#abt it so i wouldnt get pissy. yk. and they ask me for money a lot usually for food and i dont mind but it like. idk im rly paranoid abt#being a provider and ive got a Lot of guilt abt like. anytime we dont have enough food it feels like my fault bc it was my fault when i wasa#kid if i didnt give up my christmas money for pizza. or whatever. idk its so dramatic like i didnt need the money i was 8 it was selfish of#me to wanna buy fucking. toys or whatever that wasnt more important than My parents being able to get to work or my siblings being able to#fucking. literally eat. or paying bills. like its selfish that im like wahhh wahhh but i wanted to buy vibeo game wif my bday money i#shouldve judt been fucking grateful i was able to help my family. wtvr. I hate connor. wtvr#n then the shit with ugh last year like. yk. and stuff. and then the them stealing 1000 from me not getting into it b4 i get mad. idk.#and im just lazy now i need to get a job again but all the shit like. as i was saying earlier b4 i started whining. idk. i should be happy#that i get to help w bills and stuff that was my dream as a kid#like ever since i was 5 when i was fantasizing abt my future i was like Im gonna marry a prince and then ill be able to afford to pay all of#my families bills and my parents and siblings will be able to go to college and be happy and maybe never have to work bc ill be able to#handle it and ive always like. yk. when i was a dumbass kid i was like Ill go to college so i can get a good job and be useful. of course i#cant ever go to college bc im fucking. useless. and itd just be another burden on my family if i was in debt bc i couldnt help them as much#if i had debt and itd be selfish. and it doesnt matter bc im too stupid to go to college anyway. idk. i wish i could just fix everything#it just feels awful rn im literally just a drain and my family doesnt say it to me yk like. ik theyre happy imback i think they are
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if i dont move to nyc or london or paris by age 27 what is the point of anything
#i looooove my city so much you guys like if i wasnt who i am (queer) rn i would be so fucking glad that i am in my current city but#i loooove art and history and fashion and stuff and this citymight be about second best for all that but its still soo crowded#people WILL judge no matter what you wear something cutesy and people dont shut up especially when ur 16 and tagging along with your mom to#the mall or something and everyone just stares and even among your classmates ive been complimented so many times#for my unique style or whatever (aka i have beaded shoelaces and wear lots of jewelery and absurd ass eyeliner) and theyre like oh#n******** is so fancy itni stylish bandi hai woh and its so attention grabbing but i dont want it to be a big deal !!!#i want to like 20 badges and wear insane makeup and dye my hair without calling much attention to myself!!!#of course i know that will change slowly as you go in to uni and meet ppl of your type instead of a bazaar market and youll pick ur own#friends who r like minded but considering this is india how many people can you truly find.#also my next two years are going to be spent in a college for jee and neet kids#you can wear what you want theres no dress code but you have to appear serious studious and simple if you want to be taken seriously#elle woods at harvard law type#i asked my mom to get an industrial & second lobe piercing and actual dyed hair and shes like turn twenty get into a good college then do#not bc she minds she allowed me to get my hair dyed at age 13 but to go in th college im going to there is SO SO much rigour#and if you dont show yourself as professional and shit they will keep you in lower effort self study classes instead of best of the best#i KNOW how difficult moving abroad is bc my family does not have that money i need to do it myself its so so expensive bc the money#itself has such a high value compared to here (you see americans cribbing abt 30$ hourly wage but here that is 2500inr)#2500 inr is as much as an expensive pair of jeans here. expensive clothes here r 30$ and in usa its 300$ . see the diffence#im changing topics so much but sometimes i do feel this place is suffocating#its a priviledge i have that i can even think about going abroad comapred to other indians but still#dp you get what i mean#and ik movies and all are very romanticised so it might not even be this way in western cities and just an idealisation but still#if things change around here then the entire question of going anywhere is out the window anyway#smalltown boy will byers moment#dni if you read all this and plan on replying unless ur a close mutual (close mutuals u know who u are)#also if someone says why would you want to go to usa uk paris when they colonised your country shut up <3 shut up very much <3
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anyways. holding linebeck gently
#some assorted untagged linebeck thoughts tonight cuz hey why not its been a Day of ups and downs and he’s been there in my mind#sometime this month i do want to make some images of him w/ the pride flags of my hcs so general gay and then mlm and then intersex#general post ph crew rundown theres linebeck and then damien is bi and trans and bellum doesnt fucking care and link is figuring it out#so its half we got it and half man i have other things to worry about#i feel like you put linebeck and midna in a room and they are gay/lesbian buddies mlm/wlw solidarity thats what they are to me#anyways. revisited my post abt possession aftermath effects. you can probably tell i enjoy hurt/comfort/whump#smth darkly funny to me abt extremely sick and delirious linebeck and worried link kinda hanging out in his room#with link being like i bet youll be fine!!! you’re recover youre fine. and linebeck just saying kid i have rabies symptoms#anyways he lives hes fine he survives the magic squid rabies. to calm the characters nerves and my own ive decided that once hes well enoug#linebeck and link decide to visit the fairy queen to get some kinda divine checkup and to get the closure of. linebeck is fine he’s fine#nothing malicious is lingering youre good just. get some more bed rest#i do like the idea that when hes got some minor injury to the degree of some little papercur linebeck is incredibly bitchy and whatnot#and then when he’s in genuine danger of dying he’s eerily chill abt it. while recovering from possession one day when he can walk he just#chills on the deck when theres no breeze just smoking. ofc hes terrified inside but fuck if hes going to be obvious abt it (when lucid)#could tie that to his trauma n whatever ig but rn i dont have the energy to really think on it idk hes had enough bad injuries#and has found that when hes actively distressed crying out and whatnot didnt really get people to help#like its smth he learned early on his brother was there and there was just enough but like yknow. wasnt ingrained ig#thats a different thing to be lumped into the idea of him learning that its fine to be more vulnerable abt what you feel n need n want#prob smth he practices with link i mean damien is good but he needs to learn to listen instead of assume for that first bit#uhhh. earlier today i almost made a vent post but didnt but i think the gist was god i need to stop comparing other loz things to my iwn#bc it never never ends well. anyways. uhhh. came up with a possible post ph story arc for bellum n link#and decided to revive an older one with link and linebeck. post ph is really really just its own thing tbh#ofc meant to be a sorta fan sequel thing but between the disregarding of canon sequel stuff and not really adhering to the feeling n whatno#its just its own thing and i like it. ill prob delete this later
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#i need to stop doomscrolling its four in the morning im so exhausted i technically have school shit i needed to finish and i have to get up#to go to class in a few hours too#it helps nothing either. its horrible to look and its horrible to look away and they both do absolutely nothing past a point just like w th#other endless amount of absolutely horrible things going on in the world rn#theres no new information now either. just the fallout and seeing what comes next#this and no other horrible thing going on in the world is abt us and how it affects us emotionally obviously like that's just specs of dust#on the thing itself#but. yeah. i. i dont think the human mind copes well w going from locally based ape empathy to exposure to every horrible thing everywhere#....... russia has bombed more apartments and civilian buildings too :( ppl caught under the rubble and dead#just. dear god.. i just keep thinking that. i just keep saying that to myself. dear god#dear god oh lord of duamne ya allah yarabbi whatever variation its most of what goes through my mind on loop#while my mind runs through so much of it. palestina and all the videos of dead and murdered and the children the videos from last week of#that tourist girl in israel the war in ukraina whats happening in kosovo armenia the uyghurs and china all the conflict in india and#pakistan the state of afghanistan yamen civilians being tortured by gangs in south america torture in general and the prisons around the#world and the slavery and the torture and the killing and the starvation and the pain and the million other things going on i don't even#know about and the fucking climate jesus christ the climate change???#and my mind just doesnt stop. it goes through so much shit it maps out this horrible web of pain and pain and pain throughout the entire#world ;;_;;#i uh. i desperately need to take more time in my life and for years on end ive needed to tske more time in my life to think#of the good things happening in ths world too. small things big things anything just anything good anything getting better anything thats#working any proof of humanity in this species#i just. .#.#i go through the full range of human emotion from rage to numbness and dissociation to bitterness to shock to nothing shocks me to endless#sorrow to disgust and i end up at the end#feeling like the same kid who wants to cry and ask why can't we just be nicer to each other please. as if its that simple. j wish it was.#god. i wish
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EXTREMELY low effort plug n play cover with very default settings mixing i did in like 20 min but im trying out voisona and holy shit tsudumi's 2.0 sounds SO so good
honeymoon un deux trois by dateken (original vocal rin), UST by purblexber
#voisona#vocal synth cover#suzuki tsudumi#needs a lot of work. mostly needs better placed breaths than the default and the legato situation is dire#she just ran a marathon into the studio and immediately started singing no breaks LOL#but man you can hear anju inami's tone clearer here and its great. i always wished she did more solo music#but shes like busy with stage work and whatever else so i understand. so this will do hjkfdhgjkfdgfd thank u anchan for this gift#i dont mind cevio ai's odd max-setting-autotuney sounding engine quirk but man#am i glad they let u have a free voisona license for vocals u bought on cevio because tsudumi specifically i prefer here#she has a warmer tone i think is how id describe it#voisona aint half bad! i do which the pause and play buttons were the same tho but thats a problem i have with cevio too#and i do need to alter the shortcuts because rn ctrl scroll is zoom vertically instead of horizontal which is...lol#but every audio program will have ui quirks so i dont mind. fl studio keeps killing me with the shift scroll not being scroll timeline#and instead being move audio over?? bizarre. oh and i guess voisona keeps glitching out the text in the top bar for some reason#i do like the vibrato editing settings tho. its not super precise it seems but its fast
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u know what time it is...
#object oc#osc oc#and then i talk a little#so i dont clog regular people tags with my silly gay people#in my month of thinking about my object ocs month baby#they are all so silly#i think lychee and fish case are both the type of mfs to get ridiculously stuck on ideas and neither are mature enough to admit they are#wrong so they just#end up arguing a lot lol#sketchbook likes someone who can keep the silly and the serious separate and. sharkie bud just doesnt like making everything so serious#(they CAN be more serious when needed but tbh. it is rarely ever with whatever sb has to tell them specifically(#i dont really have much in set mind for multitool aside from pubby guy rn dkjsd#lamp is insp by that ikea lamp u know the one#and uhhh yea! gay people#nuff said on that one i think#if the third guy is confusing to look at thats mirror!! it doesnt have a face so he emotes using other objects reflections :]#(it has its own voice tho lol)#expect more doodles of my guys#hopefully ^_^;#raspberry lemonade#mirror#shark plushie#lychee#sketchbook#my art#enjoy the essay in the tags i have more thoughts but it is almost 1am lmfao
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...
#me @ birth control: u were supposed to bring balance to my moods not leave me in darkness!#whats worse? rocketing around with volatile moods feeling insane nearly all the time but sometimes in a fun way? or feeling level headed but#depressed enough at u dont give a fuck abt anything?#i say the latter so i should probably stop taking it. i cant handle the bloating or the depression. assuming i wasnt already on track to#feel like this bc it started before i was on the pill but it hasnt let up. but if u have a predisposition to mood issues or adhd u r more#likely to have depressive side effects. hod dammit. i need something that causes side effects in either ppl with bipolar or adhd so i can#disentangle myself from this mess. ugh. not that it even matter. im just treating this like an experiment with a sample size of 1#the disadvantage of having an obsessive analytical mind: treating yourself like a test Subject#ugh. whatever ill see my counselor Monday and she'll tell me to chill the fuck out abt this. bc im being insane abt it#unrelated#genuinely tho im procrastinating rn for a class i have in an hour. that is very very very unlike me. im usually a: ill have it donr 2 days#ahead sort of person. bc im an anxious freak but now im just tired.
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