#BG3 is doing them a disservice

[they-might-be-ultramen]

Noah fence to people who like it but I have thoughts about b*ldurs gate that y’all probably aren’t ready to hear

[acealistair]

Meet Cosette! 💖

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[tomurakii]

I understand people are just horny but like. It feels like such a fundamental disservice to Gale's character to put him in poly relationships when he clearly and frequently expresses that he is absolutely not into it. I just see so much Gale/Tav/Astarion stuff and I know the "mlm ship x reader" fantasy is popular on this site but... and I mean this in the least parasocial way possible... do you actually even like this character? If your fantasy is to immediately change a very fundamental part of dating him. There aren't many pieces of media where a character is propositioned for polyamory and will specifically be cool or not cool with that and bg3 is one of them. Astarion is kiiinda poly (only okay with it if the player dates Halsin, and probably just because of wood-elf stereotypes), Gale is very much NOT.

Plus considering this is a game that very explicitly punishes the player for denying Astarion's agency with Araj Oblodra or failing to see him as more than the sexy vampire fantasy with the ascension route it just comes off as extra tone deaf. These characters are whole people that you are supposed to respect as they are.

[dutifullylazybread]

Hi! Could I ask for hcs of Zevlor being a father figure for fem!Tav?

Absolutely! I do primarily write these lists in the second person, but if any pronouns are mentioned, I'll go ahead and use ‘she/her.’ 

The timing for this request is a bit funny to me, because the headcanon request following this is for Zevlor in a much different context. 🤣

I have a really bad habit of using the plot of BG3 as a framework for my headcanon lists, so kind of like what I did before, I have general headcanons, and then I have a scenario driven list. 

NOTE: she/her pronouns are used for Tav in this list.

Zevlor as a Father Figure for Fem!Tav

General headcanons

Zevlor was a commander who watched over plenty of young recruits. He mourned those who died and celebrated those who climbed the ranks. He acted as a mentor for many of them, but he never would have thought of himself as a father figure.

You are a bit different. 

He easily falls into the habit of asking if you have eaten or if you need something to drink.

He ultimately wants to make sure that you can survive on your own, because then he feels like he has helped you in a meaningful way.

He has a hundred hidden skills, like sewing, and plenty of patience to impart that knowledge to you. 

But he also thinks he is doing you a disservice if he doesn't teach you those skills.

So, yes, he's going to mend the tear in your cloak, but he's also going to make you follow along and mend a smaller tear.

Will grin ear to ear when you perfect a whip stitch.

Zevlor feels the most accomplished when he can teach you something, but he also has to fight the impulse to offer up useful information at every given opportunity. 

Watch him struggle to not point out forageable mushrooms.

He will try in a very roundabout way to teach you what is forageable because he will be damned if his chil—no, this young adventurer—can't feed herself.

So the day you visit him with a perfectly dressed rabbit has him tearing up.

He doesn't expect you to be a warrior like him. He would never impose the difficulties of that life on anyone. But he does want to make sure that you can defend yourself.

If you choose to pursue the life of a warrior, he'll listen to you talk about your victories and your hardships. Should you ask for advice, he will offer it.

He isn't going to be the sort of person to give you unsolicited advice (though he will feel like he is dying if he thinks he can help you work towards a solution and you don't ask).

And, perhaps because you have sought his counsel when it comes to training as a warrior, and because he has taken an interest in not only your growth as a warrior but also the social aspects, you do find it easy to confide in him.

You might initially feel bad for venting about something, but Zevlor assures you he doesn't mind.

He soon becomes your closest confidant.

He will ask if you want advice or if you just want to talk things out. But regardless, he safeguards your secrets with the devotion one can expect of a paladin.

Zevlor isn't the sort of person to outright say “I dislike this idea” or “I dislike so-and-so,” but he does that patented mouth twist/pucker when you mention said idea/person. 

“I get the sense that you don't like ___”

“Hmm. I suppose I'm not too fond of how reckless they can be. You'll have to forgive an old man for worrying.”

Also, he is absolutely, 100% the father who will say “I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed.” And if he doesn't say it, he still conveys it with the parent-patented ‘face.’

He won't lie and pretend he isn't protective of you.

If he feels that you have been wronged deeply and irreparably, it's going to take everything in him to not strike out on your behalf.

Everything.

But he also knows that he has taught you to act with a level head, and if he were to respond in a way that runs counter to what he has tried to instill in you, then what was the point?

Maybe it's because he is a Paladin of Helm, or maybe it's because he found his daughter in the last place he'd thought to look, but he wants to shield you from all harm.

He has to come to terms with the fact that he can't always protect you. And the realization nearly destroys him.

But it's in that realization that you mean so much to him that gives him pause.

And he realizes how proud he is of you, and how he wants to remain a part of your life.

Assuming that you want Zevlor to remain in your life, then he will be there for you at every single important juncture (and all of the points in between).

He's there for every heartbreak.

And he's there for every victory.

In everything but blood, he is a father to you.

He is there when you need to make home repairs, ready to offer a helping hand.

He is there at the first sign of trouble

He's there when you need to cry or be angry

And he wouldn't choose to be anywhere else

And when all is said and done, when the storms have passed and the world is quiet, he looks at you and says, “For what it's worth I'm proud of you.”

Scenario-driven Headcanons: Following Game Events - Zevlor as a Mentor and then a Father-figure

Zevlor never expected to serve as a parental figure in any capacity—least of all for an adventurer who stumbled into his path during one of the most stressful times of his life.

But something about you makes him feel paternal.

Maybe there were aspects of yourself that reminded him of when he was a newly recruited Hellrider—unsure of the world but desperate to prove himself all the same—that made him feel that he could, perhaps, act as a mentor to you.

At first, he acts as more of an advisor and a teacher. If you mention in passing that your traveling party is heading to one location or another, he’ll offer to review maps of the area with you. He has done some scouting around the Grove, so he’ll make suggestions about what to avoid and what routes were safest.

If you run any training drills, Zevlor will watch from a distance. He won’t offer feedback immediately—not unless he notices that you’re getting frustrated or that something in your technique creates a lethal opening for your foes. Otherwise, he will wait for you to ask him his thoughts. 

He’s also more than content to train with you. He’s strict, but he is a patient teacher. Though he is usually reserved and level-handed with his counsel, the one thing he will never hold back on is your form while training. If he lies to you about that, then he fears that he is sentencing you to death or a serious injury.

But as time goes on, he becomes more aware of your tells—he knows when you aren’t eating or sleeping well. And though he usually wouldn’t pester someone whose health didn’t directly impact the overall safety and well being of the other tieflings, he can’t help but worry about you. He knows that you’re stressed about something (you did come to the Grove in search of a healer, after all), but he doesn’t know what that might be.

So, initially, he might broach the topic by asking if there is enough to eat on the road. He might offer to patch up your blankets or your tent if there are any notable tears.

But if those gentle questions/offers don’t get much in the way of results, he will ask you if you are taking care of yourself.

After training with you, he’ll make a point of fetching you a bowl of stew and seeing to it that you eat a few bites.

Though making sure you get rest is trickier, he will start to ask if you are sleeping enough. He feels like he is dangerously close to crossing a line, but he is worried.

He might not fall apart if you return to the Grove injured, but he won’t tolerate you not getting immediate medical attention. 

After you defeat the goblins, Zevlor is practically beaming. He realizes that this is more than just relief over you being alive and the path being cleared for the refugees—he is proud of you.

He won’t claim to have played a role in your growth as a person. More than likely he’ll joke and say that he just made sure that you were holding the right end of a sword.

If you thank him for his guidance, he’ll refocus the discussion to your achievements.

He asks that you be careful on the road to Baldur’s Gate, and he’ll wish you safe travels.

So imagine how he feels when you find him trapped in the Mind Flayer colony.

Not only is he now dealing with the guilt over the Absolute invading his mind and having him urge the other tieflings to surrender, but now he sees you, the young adventurer who put their trust in him.

And that is enough to wreck him.

He wants to beg your forgiveness for not upholding this image of justice and valor, for perhaps going back on the morals that he conveyed to you whilst he mentored you.

If you respond with kindness, he will think he is undeserving. He will try to reject your forgiveness. But he won't deny the sense of pride that burns in his chest. He may have not played a role in your upbringing, but to know that he helped guide a warrior who possessed a moral compass that allowed for forgiveness? Especially for him? It makes him want to try again. 

If you respond from a place of hurt/betrayal, he will accept how you feel. He won't flinch away if you berate him or yell at him. After what happened in the Shadow-Cursed Lands, how can he? He is now an Oath Breaker. He has lost everything. Perhaps he should have seen that he would fail as a mentor too.

But he wants to try again. He wants to redeem himself. It might not be possible, but he wants to strive to fill the image that you created of him in your mind. He might never attain it, but he's going to do his damnedest.

Regardless of how you respond, Zevlor implores you to take care. He doesn't care what happens to him, but the thought of you dying rattles him.

After Ketheric is defeated and everyone gathers in the throne room, Zevlor will observe from the shadows. 

He doesn't make himself known to anyone. He just wanted to make sure that you were alive before he moved on.

And with the knowledge that you and your companions survived, he departs for Baldur's Gate. 

He is proud of you. And he is so, so scared. 

So, within Act 3, as far as I have observed/read, Zevlor doesn't reappear until the final battle (assuming you saved him in the Mind Flayer colony).

But I'm taking some liberties here.

After what happened in the Shadow-Cursed Lands, Zevlor is too ashamed to be around you.

But he is also so, so worried. 

He knows you're a capable warrior. He spent weeks training you. 

But suddenly that training doesn't seem like enough. Why couldn't he have urged you to stay for a few more hours that one day? He might have noticed that your swing was a bit too wide or that you left your right side vulnerable when you feinted that one time. Why the hells didn't he take the time to help you perfect your technique?

Perfection might not save you from all threats, but it gave you a better chance of survival.

Needless to say, he lays awake most nights gripped with anxiety.

Are you actually alright? Have you been injured?

He doesn't have a lot of money to his name, but he spends what he does have reading the newspaper, coveting whatever tidbits of information about you is printed that day.

He quietly celebrates your victories, and he mourns your losses from afar.

He decides one evening to toast one of your wins at the Elfsong.

And he sees you. You're laughing and joking with your friends. Despite everything that has happened. You're bruised and exhausted, but you're smiling in that moment.

He didn't intend on running into you, and he immediately makes himself scarce.

He ducks into an alleyway and lets himself cry. 

That adventurer, so bright and full of potential, is now a hero. 

He's scared, he's proud, and seeing you stealing a moment of joy for yourself before diving back into the fray has him simultaneously laughing and sobbing.

While he had been hesitant to make himself known to you before, he commits to standing with you at the end.

So he focuses on healing his body and honing his strength. He might renew his vows as a paladin.

But regardless, he is there when you enter the High Hall, and regardless of how you two parted in the Mind Flayer colony, he pledges his strength to you.

He might not be at your side in the final battle, but he keeps the enemy off of your back. 

He fights like the Hellrider Commander he has always been. 

And he watches you defeat the Netherbrain.

He isn't the first to congratulate you. No, he doesn't want to interfere in the moment that you share with your companions.

But he is there at the end, brimming with pride. 

Before you leave to join your companions at the Elfsong, the two of you sit down on the edge of the jetty, looking out on the Chionthar. 

The battle is over. You've won.

Zevlor might not hug you. He might not tell you that you are the child he never thought he'd have.

But he tells you how proud he is of you. And, should you be open to it, he'd like to stay in your life. Be that in the smallest of capacities, where you and he occasionally get a drink and you catch him up on your life, or in a larger capacity, where you seek him out for counsel and training, he wants to see where life will take you.

Should you be in agreement, Zevlor is a very consistent presence in your life. 

At first, he is there when you call on him.

But at a certain point, he just gets a sense for when you need him there.

He never wants to barge in, but he'll make excuses to swing by and check on you.

Initially, he thought he would always be a mentor to you. And to a certain degree, he still is.

He never expected to be the shoulder you leaned on while you cried. 

He never expected that you would make a point to celebrate his birthday with him.

He most certainly didn't expect you to consider his input on life-changing decisions. 

But there he is, rubbing circles into your back as you weep over the loss of a companion.

There he is, confused and dewy-eyed as you push a gift into his hands and wish him a happy birthday.

There he is, watching you accomplish the impossible.

He might not have thought he'd ever be a father, let alone a father figure.

But he is more than content to fill that role for you.

[wanderingnork]

I keep reminding myself that not everyone has read every possible githyanki/githzerai related source going back to the Advanced Dungeons & Dragons Fiend Folio. Not everyone has this level of Special Interest. Not everyone is actively trying to track down good hard copies of most of these books. Nor is anyone obligated to do so.

So here you go: I'm going to explain why "githzerai good/githyanki evil" is completely reductive, not in line with the lore, and would be ridiculous to add to BG3.

The githzerai are far, far, FAR from saints, and including them in BG3 would just muddy the waters further. They aren't just running around being the good to the githyanki's evil. And never have been. They've been chaotic neutral since the Fiend Folio, and they did not become Chaotic Good in the years since. In fact, I'd make the argument that, based on their canonical behavior right up to the present, "chaotic evil" would be an appropriate alignment.

Back in second-edition D&D, in the Planescape Book of Chaos, there's an entire section on a credible rumor that the githzerai are working on a ritual that will allow them to pull githyanki out of the Astral Plane into their city so they can "punish them for their evil." (Page 76, if you're curious.) Dragon magazine #306 (an official source), there's an article entitled "Killing Cousins." It details the gith-attala, or...cousin hunters, githzerai who specialize in hunting down and killing githyanki. They go after githyanki anywhere, but in particular strongholds on the Material Plane. As of Mordenkainen's Tome of Foes (again, official source), it's explicitly stated on page 305 that the githzerai are "always on the lookout for githyanki plots to foil and creches to exterminate."

If we encountered githzerai in BG3, the most likely place to do so would be outside the creche, planning an attack that would have targeted eggs, hatchlings, and children.

The githyanki aren't coming from a place of moral good. But neither are the githzerai. Simplifying it down to good vs evil does the entire story of the species a disservice.

[sewermageboy]

obligatory "i love gale, I promise i'm not shitting on gale" comment before I start, but:

I feel like with a lot of the "he was groomed" narrative for Gale, people assume it's a given that Mystra came to him when he was a child, right? He says that she was his teacher, his muse, and then his lover, so I can see why people think that she must have been with him since he was a child.

But (I've been going down a Forgotten Realms lore rabbit hole, and found that) Mystra was killed around a hundred years before BG3, and only returned to life in 1479 DR, around 13 years before the events of the game. So unless we're saying that Gale is 30 years old (and in my mind he's more like 35-45), he would have been an adult by the time they met, even assuming that she immediately reached out to him after returning to the Forgotten Realms.

So why is the "groomed from childhood" narrative so prevalent? I think most people (rightfully) have better things to do with their time than reading about the fckn Spellplague on the Forgotten Realms wiki, but apart from that.

I think, especially with how many people (on tiktok especially, as far as I've seen) seem to hate Gale for being "too pushy" or whatever bc of the romance bug, there's an inherent instinct for Gale enjoyers to justify their liking of this character, by explaining away his flaws and his idiosyncrasies by saying "he is the way he is because he was groomed by the goddess of magic", and therefore his flaws aren't his own fault/don't matter, whatever.

It really bothers me when people explain away his flaws like that. He's braggadocious, yes, and he's arrogant, and he's filled to the brim with hubris. Does he have his reasons for that? Yes, of course! But that doesn't mean that his flaws are any less present, and just as much of a part of him as all the good parts. It bothers me when people do this with any of the characters tbh, like saying that all of Astarion's shitty behavior is due to his trauma at the hands of Cazador (which much of it is! But he's also just kinda a shitty person, and that's okay!!)

Like, if we look at Forgotten Realms lore, and say that Gale is around 40, Mystra would have approached him as a young man in his 20s - and honestly, that version of events is still just as fucked up to me as "he was groomed". Here you have this brilliant wizard, who lives for magic and manipulating the weave, and the goddess of magic herself begins to mentor him, teach him, inspire him, and eventually becomes his lover, too. Then, after she keeps showing him magic that will forever be beyond his reach, telling him to be content with his lot, he goes too far - and is discarded in the process, left alone to deal with the Orb in his chest despite Mystra being able to heal him instantly if she wished. And not only does he have to deal with a bad breakup and a nuclear bomb in his chest, no, he's also never able to truly be free of her, as long as he wishes to still do magic - something that is basically second nature to him, and that he could never give up.

I've also seen people conflate his Early Access story (Mystra discarding him first and for no reason, and him ending up with the Orb in his chest as a result of trying to win her back) with his full release one (Him trying to prove to Mystra he was worthy of being shown magic beyond any other mortals, ending up with the Orb, and Mystra discarding him as a result of that), and I feel like that comes from the same place as the insistence on him being groomed - trying to justify his behavior and sanitize him as much as possible.

I understand the instinct to defend Gale from people who shit on him needlessly bc of the romance bug or whatever, I really do. I adore Gale, and I think he's one of the most fascinating characters in the game! But I also think it's a disservice to him to not acknowledge the negative parts of him, or to explain them away as being caused by trauma he might have gone through.

The shitty parts, the ones you can really sink your teeth into, are what make most of the companions so interesting to me!!! And Gale's arrogance, his clumsiness when he flirts and how quick he is to fall in love, his hubris and his anger are all part of that!!

Edit: just wanted to clarify that I have no issue with the interpretation that Gale was groomed by Mystra from a young age in and of itself!

As @galedekarios rightfully pointed out, Larian often plays fast and loose with the timeline, so Mystra's death and her return to the forgotten realms only factor in so much. There's ample evidence in the game for the grooming interpretation, and it's also super fascinating to me, I just don't like that a lot of the discussion of Gale's character seems to boil down to: "but he was groomed, so it doesn't matter", or that many people seem to view it as the only valid interpretation of his character.

[aevallare]

Anon bc im shy, but I really wanted to say that you have been such an important part of my time in bg3 fandom. The kindredverse means so so so much to me as an abuse survivor. To me your work stretches out so far beyond the game into something precious and beautiful in its own right. AND! your blog slaps too! idk im rambling ig but i just wanted to thank you for everything you do for the community. ppl arent always good about saying it but i really do think your presence here means more to people than you may realize

i considered not answering this because i kind of wanted it to sit in my inbox forever, but that didn't seem totally fair.

i think a lot of fanwork gets wrapped up in tropes as its identity, and it's not difficult to see why. canon has done a lot of the heavy lifting for a lot of the difficult stuff: character work, themes and motives, overarching narrative goals. i could go on. but what that often means is that people lose the plot sometimes imo.

astarion's an intense fucking character. he's self-serving, egotistical, and cripplingly self-loathing. fanwork seems to want so badly to distill him down into a 2D cardboard cutout of the character work done in the source material because engaging with a character like this is fucking hard. there's a great post that floated around a while back about how people should understand that astarion isn't nice, but that he is kind. and that's the kind of thing i'm talking about. he's not simple. and that's why he resonates so much with me, too. being a victim/survivor isn't simple.

not giving him the space to fuck up is a disservice to his character. not letting him get torn a new asshole when he fucks up is a disservice to his character. putting him in a bubble as if shielding him from any and all negative experience will heal him is a disservice to his character.

i know he's pixels. but. he's so much like me that it's hard for me not to get worked up about it lmao.

i know this really wasn't necessarily the point of your ask, but it restores a lot of my joy in interacting with the community when i get messages like these, because it can feel pretty lonely. that probably sounds rich coming from me - i'm one of the best known bg3 writers in the game (sorry for how masturbatory that sounds) - but it's true. astarion means a lot to me. auri means a lot to me. i took a lot of chunks of myself and split them in two to create what they have. and to know it's appreciated really means a lot.

i hope people like having me here. i like being here.

[bg3-npc]

Various Baldur's Gate Tag Numbers

As someone starved for non-Astarion BG3 content, I decided to look up the most popular tags for the game. I wanted to compare content and following discrepancies between each. Here's what I found as of September 29, 2023:

Baldur's Gate 3: 17k followers

BG3: 11k followers

These were the most common and followed tags for the game itself. Any other tag variations didn't have enough followers/content to display numbers.

I looked at the "Astarion" tag first and found:

Astarion: 14k followers

Astarion alone has more followers than the abbreviation for the ACTUAL GAME. Okay, that's fine, the main tag still has more followers than his character. Now let's look at the the numbers for the other five main playable companions:

Karlach: 3.4k followers

Shadowheart: 2.5k followers

Gale of Waterdeep: 2.2 followers

Gale: 1.9k followers

Gale Dekarios: 1.3k followers

Again, any other tags didn't have enough interaction to display numbers. This means there are TWO ENTIRE COMPANIONS with so few followers and content, we don't even know how many people are actually following/posting them.

I genuinely don't want to start Fandom Discourse™️, but how can I not? How can I not talk about the blatant sexism/misogyny when a similar female companion has so little love? How can I not state the obvious racial prejudice against the only canonically black origin companion? I mean come on, the other white guy has THREE tags with visible numbers. The only black companion doesn't have ONE.

Characters aside, this is an open world video game. You can complete it, whatever that means to you, with as little character interaction as you want. You're probably doing YOURSELF a disservice to focus solely on Astarion.

Look. I'm not here to tell you how to play this game or enjoy it's content. I'm not here to tell you how to participate in fandom. However, while Larian Studios seemed to prioritize Astarion, he is NOT the single most interesting experience in the game.

If he's what got you into the game, great! Love having you here! If he's the only thing you enjoy though, please consider why a white dude (even if he's a fictional vampire) is the only thing that has your engagement. Especially if you're like me and HAVEN'T. EVEN. PLAYED. THE. GAME.

[aureliaen]

On redemption

Inspired by @sequesteredbhaalspawn: honestly it really irks me the way bg3 seems to push this idea that you/your companions/"the heroes" are the only ones worthy of healing and/or redemption, sometimes to the point of absurdity. Cw for negativity and criticism.

Durge, of course, being the perfect example. They're evil beyond belief. Cartoonishly so. They eat babies, fuck corpses, torture people for fun, kill purposefully, kill accidentally, and their endgame is taking over the world only to slaughter every last living being that inhabits it.

Obviously this comes down to personal morals, but it's an interesting argument to make, that losing their memories somehow turns them into a brand new person and a victim of their own past. They're never held accountable, not even when the extent of their atrocities comes to light. The narration during their final stand-off with Bhaal sounds promising (to die: to rest, to save the world from yourself) but ultimately turns out to be meaningless. Even after choosing death, the main character has plot armor so strong they get resurrected scot-free, evil wiped, a clean slate that no one else gets. Even though the only thing that separated them from becoming another corpse at the party's feet was Orin's betrayal.

Many of the villains have severe trauma and/or are victims of abuse in ways that mirror the companions' backstories almost to a T. The game is all about breaking cycles of abuse anyway, and it's not really an issue, the way I see it, that not all characters get to have their happy endings. What's strange is the way it's exclusively the characters you're allied with that do. What's stranger is the way the fandom uncritically accepts it or acts as though the villains were somehow more deserving of what happened to them than your companions.

Moral relativity is a human thing and not wrong at all, but let's not pretend the MC's tadpoled friends aren't all ruthless killers chasing their own personal agendas, whether that's vengeance, power or simple self-preservation (with Wyll being probably the only exception).

I feel like it's a disservice to the work of Larian's writers as well as our own understanding of the complexity of human experience to interpret characters as one-dimensional and operating strictly within specific dichotomies: victim/abuser, good/evil etc. Astarion, Gortash, Durge and Orin are the worst offenders from what I've seen, but like, in general. Come on.

[jadewing-realms]

disclaimer: written pre-release

i've had this sitting in my drafts for a bit since i started playing BG3, I kept seeing a particular kind of post regarding Astarion and it really started to frustrate me soooooo. here's a vaguely coherent rant nobody asked for pff

As I got into the game, following Astarion's romance subplot, doing research on the game and characters thus far, I encountered the schism between those who love Astarion and by extension, characters like him, and those that consider said characters as little more than toxic creatures, narcissists best dealt with swiftly and harshly. The latter tends, in the posts I've found at least, to view the former as poor unfortunate souls with the dreaded "i can fix him" mentality.

Now, I'm not here to say either is entirely wrong. I think to take a side here is to do the exploration a disservice and to forget the depth of nuance in art and media interpretation.

And that's just it. Because at the end of the day, interpretation is one of the key elements involved in this discourse. In the case of Astarion, especially with the game having been in early access for so long and no complete, guaranteed details of his past or arc made public yet, with so much up in the air as the full release drops, there are worlds of interpretations that can be made regarding our infamous vampire rogue.

Is one of those interpretations that he's both emotional and literal vampire who's every action is a trap for the protagonist in order to use them, and that he's irredeemable? Yes. Is another that he's simply trying to survive in a situation he's never been in after spending two centuries living like an animal? Also yes.

The error here, I think, is to treat one interpretation like it's more "right" than another. Which is what I've seen a lot of online threads do... Insisting one perspective is superior to the other. Which is bad faith even on a good day when either perspective is based in concrete, unchangeable fact. Even moreso in this case, until there's complete canon material to bank on, and even then that will have so much variety to it since most of it will depend on the actions of the player. It's a choice-based game. There is so much space for varied experiences, and none of them will be "right" or "wrong."

I feel like in modern media discussion, when considering whether a character is actively harmful or just flawed, it can be easy to forget that some of our most popular stories are ones in which someone is deemed beyond hope or redemption, a danger to all they encountered, only for their arc to raise them from their Pit of Dickishness and set them on pedestals as some of the most memorable, inspiring characters we know.

The timeless story of the Christmas Carol gives us an absolutely despicable old geezer who literally spells out the horror he'd inflict upon the poor if he could, simply for the sin of poverty. But in an effort to fixate only on how problematic he (very much intentionally) is, we might lose sight of how the whole point of the story is to watch him be forced to confront his ways, unpack all his crap, and become better for it in the end.

Characters like Prince Zuko, Edmund Pevensie, Greedling, Steve Harrington, Boromir, James Ford, friggin Darth Vader, we wouldn't have any of them if we only read them at surface level as toxic assholes and then left it at that. But through learning the nuances of these characters and watching them confront their actions and consequences and learn from them, they not only grow and change into better people, but we love them because they hold pieces of ourselves in them, despite their sharp edges. We can understand why they are the way they are, and maybe, if we're honest with ourselves, we can acknowledge that we might have done similarly awful things under their circumstances. It makes them relatable, admirable, and cautionary all at once. It makes them human.

None of that is to say that there are never characters built purely and solely to fear and loath, not at all. True scumbags can and do exist, both in fiction and reality. To try to enforce the idea of finding empathy for a true monster is often a tactic used in reality to gaslight people into excusing said monsters' behavior.

Which leads into the "i can fix him" argument. When applied to situations dealing with real dangerous and horrid people who can't or won't change? Absolutely Not Great (though that's not to say it can't be included in a story, there are valuable themes in that on its own). Condoning this dynamic as something good is what leads to abusive relationships and innocent people staying in unhealthy situations for far too long. I'm among those who can attest to that personally.

That said, when it comes to Astarion, no one can rightly say going through his romance arc or not is condoning anything. Because it once more comes down almost entirely to perspective and interpretation, because he's a video game character comprised of pixels and a well-written script and there are limitless ways he can be interpreted and interacted with.

Like, personally, yes, there are some dynamics I'd feel uncomfy pairing him with, even with the empathy I feel for his character. Platonic or romantic, doesn't matter. Does that mean I'm going to apply my interpretation and personal boundaries to the next person playing the Astarion romance? No. That would be assuming I've somehow discovered the "correct" way to interpret the game, which I have not and can never do because RPGs like Baldur's Gate 3 are such personalized experiences. People are 100% free to play a fictional game however the hell they so please, because stories are not inherently 1-to-1 reflections of reality.

Especially when it comes to the narcissism accusation, it sparks an extra layer of discomfort for me when it seems like characters who act selfishly or spin lies get called "narcissistic" when that's kinda severely over-generalizing what narcissism actually is??

Narcissism is inherently selfish, but not all selfishness is narcissism. Gaslighting is built on lies, but not all lies are gaslighting. This separation was literally bugging me so much, I talked with my therapist about it last week. And she agreed.

Some folks seem to forget is actual NPD isn't just about selfishness and manipulating. It's fragile ego and delusions of grandeur and the mind games, dysregulating highs and humiliating lows that they will weave in a web around you so that you, as a victim, can never get your mental and emotional footing. Usually for the purposes of then swooping in to offer themselves as your only source of stability. The whole "rely on me because your judgment is clearly faulty and you need to be protected from yourself" shtick.

You know. Kinda like Cazador.

The way I see Astarion, by contrast, is that he has an honesty to him that lacks such delusions. As much as he desperately tries to maintain this veneer of poise and sass and devil-may-care out of self-preservation, it's paper thin and crumples under the barest pressure. Like, the equivalent of a thematic sneeze and down he goes. Then you see him as he is. Which is just... frightened. Sad. Kinda pathetic, really. And absolutely, positively lost. All things he knows, but he legit believes he will be killed if he lets any of it show.

Comparing that to, say, Wyll, who's blissfully ignorant bluster reminds me painfully of self-aggrandizing family members that I love but can't interact with honestly because of the forest of self-delusion around them... well, it's not much of a contest.

If somebody interprets Astarion as a slimy, manipulating power-monger and gets rid of him the first chance they have, that's their story to tell and power to them for it. But the same must be said for the opposite. I don't appreciate the thought that there's a whole sect of the BG3 fandom that probably genuinely considers me "less than" or "unhealthy" or "problematic" in some way for being among those who like this character or others like him and their potential thematically and narratively. But if my interpretation is that he’s a frightened man who just wants to feel safe and free, that is also its own story and it's mine to tell if I wish. And both can be good or even powerful stories!

Is all of this based on my own personal nuances, biases, and priorities? Absolutely. And that's kinda the whole point... There's not a wrong answer with this, really. I experience these games and these characters through a lens that is mine and mine only, and I give meaning to the worlds I enter based on what makes the story feel most interesting and satisfying for me. And at the end of the day, what else is art for but to help us explore ourselves and learn a little bit more about what it means to be human. In all its glory and ugliness.

And that's a wholly personal journey nobody deserves to have micromanaged or belittled. I'm certainly not gonna go around looking down on anyone for having a different reading than mine. You do you, boo. But let me do me too.

[oflights]

love how much you love bg3 and also looking forward to the fic because i'll read anything you write despite me not really knowing what bg3 is tbf :))

just out of curiosity, do you think you'll ever write drarry again?

ahhh thank you!! haha this is the sweetest kind of message to get tbh. bg3 is a video game and it's completely fair not to know what it is 😂 i was def not expecting it to take over my brain like this!!

i definitely think i will! first, because i left the gilmore girls AU almost finished, like really close, and i hate leaving things like that unfinished. i also had really fun ideas i never got to and i know i want to circle back to them at some point!

the issue is that i tend to need to burn through whatever inspiration i have at the moment and follow the brain worms, so to speak. i stopped writing the gilmore girls AU so close to the finish line because i could feel it starting to drag and become really difficult as i wanted to write other things, and i didn't want to do the idea a disservice.

so i don't know when the drarry switch in my brain might flip again, but i don't feel done with them at all. just very consumed by bloodweave at the moment 🥲

[illegiblewords]

Discussing the sex lives of wizards in the name of psychology under the cut! BG3, warning for discussion of suicide and mental health issues.

Man, analysis of Gale’s sex scene keeps getting waved under my nose with the notion that if you don’t go with Weave you’ve done something wrong. I addressed it already but like.

1) One of the popular arguments is that Gale is magic, magic is Gale, you might as well forbid an artist from painting. One could argue that particular mentality is a huge part of why Gale having issues. I said it before but like—speaking from having been there IRL with writing and editing. As a creative, you don’t lose your entire medium if you take time to focus on acknowledging your self-worth and those who love you without the medium. It’s actually insanely important to be able to do that imo. Not making the first sexual encounter be through magic doesn’t mean it’s never going to happen or is an inferior thing generally. I think emphasizing it as a first encounter and not a last one is a huge deal. It’s also a big step beyond what Gale expects for himself at that point.

The reality Gale had resigned himself to, that he was terrified of, involved obeying Mystra even if she ordered him to kill himself. Her love and his worth are conditional upon how well he can please her. Gale’s ‘comfort zone’ of performing acts of service specifically to retain worth is actively harmful to him and is part of what he was conditioned to accept through abuse. Even in Act III he can struggle with the idea that he is not defined by Mystra’s expectations of him. Like Shadowheart, stepping into choices beyond the will of his goddess is almost unfathomable. It’s still really important to recognize there are other possibilities.

2) There’s a dev note about Gale bowing to the player’s preference if the player opts for non-magical sex. I want to pose for your consideration as a comparison—is it better to farm Astarion’s approval by staying in his comfort zone/sense of the familiar (cruelty, violence) when those things are maladaptive? It comes out a lot through the game that an overwhelming amount of his behavior ties to coping mechanisms that helped him survive with Cazador, but it’s extremely unhealthy outside of that scenario.

All of the companions have trauma caused by abuse. All of them have some measure of mental health issues at work tied to that. And the thing with mental illness linked to trauma is, that person’s brain is doing the best it can to protect them from threats. When the threat is no longer present and they have room to seek health + stability, those coping mechanisms may become a hindrance instead. For Gale, he’s struggled with severe isolation and self-esteem problems to the point that he’s convinced that without magic or unique acts of service he shouldn’t be alive. Mystra has reinforced this. I pose the threat to him (by his perception) has been worthlessness and abandonment. His defense became to make himself irreplaceably valuable through his abilities so he has a concrete defense against those threats. Gale is still learning to adapt to healthy relationships that aren’t with Mystra, where he isn’t being framed as expendable.

Another thing I want to raise for consideration is that there’s a pattern common to people preparing to kill themselves. This involves wrapping up unfinished business, giving away belongings, basically saying good-bye. Gale starts the ‘last night’ scene with that exact intent and mindset. He is planning to die. A player insisting against suicide is not wronging Gale. A player interacting with Gale outside his trauma to offer a different, more stable lifeline than ‘worth through abilities and offerings’ is not doing him a disservice.

Change and recovery can both be fucking scary. You literally have to challenge the way you look at the world, yourself, and other people. For a while you lose all sense of how to judge in that new context. There’s no guarantee the attempt to change will pay off. The idea of trying and failing is scary as hell under those circumstances too because it risks finding hope only for it to be destroyed again. That hurts more than if you've already given up and are braced for further harm.

It’s still important to try though. Living in despair is pretty horrific. I’ll go a step further too to say feeding someone’s mental illness can be a form of abuse. I don’t think taking the Weave-sex option is abusive, but there is some risk of encouraging harmful complexes for Gale depending on interpretation.

The player seeing Gale’s tower, his books, Waterdeep—those are still beautiful things. But he presents them when and how he does because he’s planning to kill himself. I’d argue Gale offers to give as much as he knows how, as well as he knows how, specifically because he’s planning to kill himself. He wants to give the best of himself and his life to his love before he dies. He wants that to mean something to his love. Insisting that suicide is not on the table and that the sex scene is a first time rather than a last is still alien territory for Gale because of how much his sense of possibility has been narrowed. It also involves a radically different perception of relationships for Gale if they aren’t rooted in magic. Of course he’s nervous. What if his partner changes their mind? What if they’re disappointed? What if he says or does the wrong thing? What if he’s clumsy? What if he doesn’t make the encounter everything he wants to say and do only to kill himself after all? What if Gale Dekarios (not Gale of Waterdeep) slips from the world unmourned? What if his only legacy is how he died?

But again, Gale’s partner can insist this isn’t a last encounter. It’s a first. He doesn’t have to do everything right now. He doesn’t have to be running out of time the way he’s believed for over a year.

And by-the-by, sometimes partners do try new things together. Sometimes that involves trepidation. Being nervous isn’t mutually exclusive with consent or even having a good time. Sometimes having existing habits and mentalities challenged can result in growth, improved well-being, and finding new stuff to enjoy. Just gotta be mindful.

Again, Gale’s coping mechanism against the threat of abandonment is acquiring value in what he can uniquely give others. I would argue that for the physical sex scene in particular, there’s an opportunity to give to him instead. This would likely be somewhat beyond his experience and comfort zone given he was expected to impress his goddess through offerings before. Gale has a real fear of being deemed replaceable and discarded if he has nothing unique to provide. Positioned as someone being offered to is foreign for him. And doing it on mundane terms, not as the wizard of Waterdeep but as just Gale—that’s also foreign. Doesn’t make it a bad thing though. Imo it really is a good first step.

3) I’ve seen people get pissed about how the game can imply Gale isn’t great at physical sex. Between the books he reads and his relationship with Mystra, I’m going to suggest it’s possible Mystra was solely dealing with Gale on her terms, in the Weave, non-physically. And I’m also going to suggest that Gale has wanted to do more physically but felt like it was a dirty, ungrateful, mortal thing to want from his goddess. Would explain why he’s not as confident there. The fact that he has a book full of physical sex acts only to leave bodies behind just adds to my suspicion that while he knows he’s very good at Weave-sex, there’s a lot he never got to explore with Mystra regardless of his own interest.

I also really, really think it’s okay if Gale is less experienced with physical sex. No one is born knowing everything. Being able to engage in a safe way (so partner not being an ass about it lol), try new things, and become more familiar through practice could be sweet. No pressure, his partner wants to share this with him. Guy’s clearly a fast and enthusiastic learner anyway. 😉

I’d like to think Gale gets to deal with weird body sounds or moving inelegantly only to find it’s okay to laugh about that stuff. There’s less pressure. He can do things like boop his partner’s nose or make them reach to kiss him. Sex doesn’t always have to be some immaculate, serious affair. It isn’t his last chance. He isn’t being abandoned. He’s personally valued in this relationship.

Characters can have clumsy but heartfelt sex. Characters can have clumsy but charged fight scenes too. Areas of imperfection are part of being alive and there’s room to examine that in storytelling. Not everything needs to be expertly choreographed.

As one last thing, like… the sense I’m getting between discussions is that there’s some conversion contest stuff going on. Trying to put down one sex scene to justify the other schtick. Maybe I fueled that accidentally, dunno. I think some of it probably comes down to different interpretations of characters between fans. For my interpretation, I don’t think Weave-sex would work thematically. Another person’s interpretation might be a different story altogether.

Part of what makes Baldur’s Gate 3 cool imo is how varied the stories that come out of it can be. Which is to say nothing for fans bringing different spins. I might not go with God-Gale and see that iteration as tragic/unheathy. Somebody else might think it’s poetic justice since Mystra is a former mortal who ascended to godhood herself, and God-Gale realizes he is no less worthy than her. There is mutability here imo and I hope this can clarify I really do mean it on varied reads.

[idreamtofmanderleyagain]

I don't think a lot of these BG3 players understand that what comes out of characters mouths are not like...lore dumps with nothing but the cold hard facts in them.

People are biased and they are unreliable narrators. They lie. They repress themselves. They convince themselves that something happened in a way it didn't. They fight losing battles because they don't want to be wrong. They cherry pick the facts to suit themselves. They sometimes respond emotionally rather than logically.

If you take all their words at face value, surface level you are doing your analysis a disservice.

[blackjackkent]

4 and 9 for Lae'zel

8 and 20 for Astarion

Just to switch things up a bit, haha

(Character ask game!)

4. Lae'zel - If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

Hm. Interesting question (and highlights how little I get around to seeing movies these days).

I would be intrigued to see Lae'zel interact with Klingons in Star Trek. She is - to the extent that Forgotten Realms has the concept - an alien herself, so she wouldn't be out of place among Trek's cast of characters, and I think the gith and Klingon cultures are just similar enough (warrior race, concepts of honor/duty) without being identical that the interaction would be quite entertaining. :D

9. Lae'zel - Could you be roommates with this character?

Could I be roommates with her? Sure. :D I suspect she would be a good influence on me in the realms of discipline and health, she is very subtly hysterical and probably amusing to get drunk with, she would never be late with her portion of the rent, and she wouldn't take it personally when I occasionally needed to be left the fuck alone. Plus if I was lucky, she'd like the cut of my jib and I, unlike Hector, would not "choose banality". ;)

Could she be roommates with me? Absolutely not. I would be dead within a week when she realized I'm a massive nerd who would unironically infodump at her without prompting and also that I leave stuff laying around everywhere in a mess for no reason.

I think she and my cat would have an entertaining relationship however.

8. Astarion - What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

While I truly, deeply, and fervently believe that everyone can have whatever headcanons they like as long as they're not hurting anyone else, I personally cannot really get behind the idea of Astarion being a soft/romance-y sort, especially not during/immediately after game. The man is a dick! It's a really important foundational aspect of his character.

Disclaimer: I love Astarion, I think he's a fantastic character, and also I haven't finished his romance run yet, so maybe there is nuance here I'm unaware of. However... I think it is a disservice to his character's depth NOT to acknowledge that he is a dick, and that his dickishness is the product of a several-hundred-year-long campaign to eliminate any sense of overt compassion or vulnerability in him. That he is able nevertheless to connect with an LI/friends and start to move past that programming is a powerful thing, but it deserves to be treated as something that does not come easily to him, that it has to be worked at, and that someone who cares about him has to learn how he expresses these emotions in his own way.

I did like that post that has gone around a bit, about how it's much more likely that Astarion would respond to being treated with kindness with all the subtlety and acceptance of a cat being dragged to the vet for shots. XD

20. Astarion - Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

Hmmmmm. [ponders, looks at BG3 character list] My initial inclination is to say Karlach, though this feels like kind of a copout answer because Karlach is a good friend to EVERYONE because she is a sweetheart and also the best. I do think she's a good candidate though, because she is very much the sort to be kind to him regardless of whether he's a dick to her in return. And, more specifically, as I pondered quite a bit in this post, the two of them actually have quite a bit in common, in terms of having been trapped in situations where they had to do terrible things to survive and had no reason to think they would ever be able to get out. I think it would take a long time for Astarion to acknowledge this, if he ever did, but I'm pretty sure Karlach understands it right off the bat.