#BEFORE louisa falls!

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

i decided to watch netflix persuasion again to see if its horrors hold up over time (lol), and while there are a few things that i enjoy -- a) it's pretty to look at, and b) dakota johnson regency wine aunt hot mess breaking the fourth wall is pretty winning as a concept, even if it belongs somewhere else -- it's incredible how this adaptation took one of the most finely crafted depictions of romantic tension in the history of storytelling and just deflated it with pure generic mediocrity at every single opportunity. like, every moment that's supposed to be like !!!!!!!!!!! is instead like "okay ...... i guess ............ they're bantering halfheartedly again ........ cool .......... zzzzzz ........"

[incomingalbatross]

I have a Theory that good writers drawing from their own childhoods have a tendency to accidentally create fans who dislike their fictionalized siblings. I have a further theory that this comes from A) portraying their own childhood feelings too immersively and B) forgetting their audience doesn't automatically love their sibling just from meeting them.

My biggest example is Gravity Falls, because I really feel like this is what happened there. Alex Hirsch is good at making us buy into Dipper's angst and weird twelve-year-old problems like they're actually serious. At the same time, crucially, he assumed his audience didn't need to be convinced that Mabel was a treasure and a delight in the same way that they needed to be convinced Dipper was a good kid. Is it not obvious from meeting Mabel that you should love her??

I also have a suspicion that this is going on in the early Little House books (I had to get old enough to read the later books before I stopped disliking Mary) and in Little Women (I remember how viscerally relatable Jo's feelings are in the book-burning scene and with the Europe trip, even though she's not in the right in either case). In both cases, we get various sibling hurts portrayed - and portrayed well - through the lens of the person who feels unjustly afflicted. Childhood and teen injustice hurts, and it's easy for the reader to enter into those perceived grievances with a lasting bias. But I don't think Laura or Louisa intended that! They loved their sisters! They knew their own younger selves were brats sometimes! They just forgot their readers (especially as kids) might not automatically share these ideas.

[herejusttosufferalong]

Ok here's my working theory. I just feel like getting it off my chest as I've been so confused about so much since the PT ended - like I just really haven’t been able to get my head around what happened with L. I would love your thoughts!

I do believe/agree with everyone's perception that L may have had feelings for N for a long time (maybe a spark since the beginning, and a fire since season 3). I don't know if I think N had a crush on him too, before or during season 3. They clearly have love and amazing chemistry. He sparkles with her and looks at her like she’s the love of his life. She sparkles with him too, but she also sparkles with everyone and even alone.

I don't know what happened during or after season 3 between the two of them (if anything did), but we know they ended up apart last summer and L found distractions (from his breakup with J, maybe from his feelings for N) in HBS and then, eventually, a budding relationship with A (of whatever kind it is). Maybe he even started to like A, and maybe he thought it could really go somewhere, who knows? He then sees N again at reshoots in December, and then the PT starts in January, and his big feelings are still there/get stronger as they spend time together again.

What I haven't been able to make sense of is how come, with these big feelings, he not only stayed with A through it all but also brought her around to different locations during the PT, where he was with N (and flirting with N) - because it seems to me that A's presence all but guaranteed that nothing would actually happen with N, so why would he want that outcome if he in fact wants N (and if N was available)? It seems clear that he doesn't have the same big feelings for A as he does for N. I also haven't made sense of how someone who seemed soooo sweet and lovely and doting and soft on the PT with N could be with, and return to, such a (seemingly) vapid situation with A, where he seems not only miserable but almost like a completely different person than he showed us during the PT and how his costars describe him to be (and he's also been treating A more poorly than he treated N - at least publicly).

Now, JD has been in N's orbit for at least 2 years - he's been in productions with Louisa, Laurie, and Dylan (at least). I also remember photos showing that he was at CW's wedding in October, so he's clearly been an entrenched part of the friend group for some time (the fact that they more recently followed each other on insta doesn’t mean they didn’t know each other before). So let's *assume* for a second that JD and N are actually together now (and that that's what the pap pictures show us). He seems to mesh well with who N is and her friends/lifestyle. What if N and JD's friendship had been blossoming, with more one-on-one time, turning into a mutual crush, then turning into something more at some point. What if L knew about this because it was taking place before/while N and L were on the PT together. If N and L are BFFs, N could have talked to L about what was happening with JD. And this would explain why L - to protect his heart - kept bringing A around on the PT (despite not seeming to enjoy her presence there) because he didn't want to be single while watching N fall in love with JD. 

Everyone wonders why on earth L brought A to the London premiere (especially given what ended up happening with pap-gate, which I personally don’t think L planned/knew about) - but you know what, JD was there with N's friends too! Maybe L knew that JD would be there, and he knew how shitty that would feel, so he also wanted to have someone with him too (hence A's presence). But remember the conversation on the red carpet, where they're asked for dating advice, and N kind of pointedly says, "wait for the right person, you're worth it" and L looks uncomfortable. Maybe that was N subtly expressing concern about L’s situation with A, as his BFF and not because of any romantic feelings she has for him. But of course, if L had unrequited (probably not communicated) big feelings for N, it explains his discomfort and also his subsequent behaviour with A - carrying on with her after pap-gate (Milan, LA, GQ/Soho House, bday in Italy), while looking miserable, as a continued distraction from his heartbreak over N. It could also explain why he let everything with his public image kind of go to shit (both because he was sad and also because he was still protective of N).

I agree with everyone that by the end of the PT, N started to return L’s heart-eyes and that of course remains confusing. But she's such an effusive and loving person, and she was so proud of him/them for their season and PT, and nostalgic that their big adventure together was ending, that maybe she was feeling so much love for L, her BFF, but not *in love* with L. (Her heart-eyes for Luke T at the London premiere is an example of how she can be so loving with her male friends.)

An imperfect theory, but it's the only one I've landed on, after being confused for months, that helps me to reconcile the L we saw in the PT (N's version of L) with the L of the summer (A and SoHoe’s version of L) - the latter of which has frankly confounded me! - because his summer  behaviour can then be explained as a symptom of his unrequited love (for N) and heartbreak (a Sad Boy Summer).

Does this means that L is (in Suffer’s words) still biding his time and waiting for the end of N and JD?

(Of course, big caveats to all this, we don't know anything! We don't know for sure N and JD are together, or what the status really is/was between L and A. This is all my perception of things from what they show us publicly, I’m just trying to make sense of my own confusion about L.)

this is all opinion 😔

[jinnie-ret]

<---------- back to my youth

<---------- back to main masterlist

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

profile

in real life

Name: Louisa Flora Fenby

Nicknames: lou, flo, lisa, bee

Birthday: 28/06/2003

Birthplace: Rochdale, England

Nationality: english-filipino

Languages: English (fluent), Tagalog (some), Korean (learning)

Family: mum, dad, younger brother, pet cat

Height: 5'5

Personality traits: bubbly, trusting, thoughtful, imaginative, sensitive, defensive, naive

Hobbies: singing, producing, crochet, upcycling clothes

Faceclaim: beabadoobee

Likes: stray kids, kpop, sunny weather, giving gifts to people, cooking, dark chocolate (her fav), gherkins in her burger, green (fav colour), late night walks, long baths, cats

Dislikes: confrontation, brussel sprouts, sparkling water, moths, snakes, socks on in bed, big crowds

idol life

Stage name: sunny

Nicknames: sun, sunshine, flower, aegi sun

After hearing Louisa's full name and learning her middle name was 'Flora', the members soon understood that it was linked to flowers. Due to her bright personality she was compared to a sunflower, thus creating the nickname Sunny.

Fans gave the nickname 'aegi sun' to Louisa after partnering her with Felix as the sunshine duo. Being the younger one she is naturally babied.

Positions: lead singer, sub dancer, producer

Lou is not as confident in her dancing skills but is working on them as much as she can, she still enjoys doing it though. Her voice shines through as a softer time that can break through and stand out in Stray Kids' often fiercer songs. This doesn't mean that all the songs she produces are all sweeter, her own music that she creates follows this pattern but she loves to engage in helping 3RACHA experiment in louder bombastic sounds.

Aesthetic: bubblegrunge

Debut Date: March 25th 2017

Company: JYP

Training Period: 2 years

Habits: making random noises, hair flips, randomly singing, stumbling on her words, biting her thumb, full body laughs, tapping her hands to music, zoning out

Known for/as:

Pinky gap

Sunny has a gap between her pinkies that is visible when she presses her hands together. This is because both of them curve outwards. Fans were the first ones to notice and ever since it's been seen as another endearing quality of the girl.

Minsung's daughter

When you see Sunny you'll not see Lee Know or Jisung too far behind. Often in lives she's been spotted leaning against one of them or even falling asleep on them sometimes. They care a lot for the girl and their almost parental roles towards her only solidified the ship of Minsung more.

Sunshine duo

One of her most noticeable features is the freckles that are very visible on her face. Naturally she is partnered with Felix for sharing the same quality, as well as their bright personas.

Bright smile

Sunny's smile is one of her most charming points that both fans and members love. There are moments where people have commented on it because of how it entrances them, such as on Kingdom, Music Bank, and in music videos too.

Producer mode

During solo lives or behind the album videos, when Sunny goes into producer mode, you'll know. She doesn't become strict or lost in her own mind, but instead she is exciteable and tries out lots of different sounds, melodies or lyrics to fit the concept she is creating. These ideas that she comes up with bounce off of members and can be the foundations of some of Stray Kids' most successful songs. On lives fans watch in awe at how her brain is able to come up with such cool sounds and merge them together.

Trying tiktok dances

As said before, Sunny isn't the most confident in her dancing, but that doesn't stop her from trying different tiktok dances and impulsively posting them - she knows stays will love them either way. She likes trying new kpop dances or ones that are viral too. The video she did dancing to Blackpink's Shutdown is her most recent video she posted on the group account, and it caught a lot of attention.

Soft voice

Sunny has a voice that people love and can't stop listening too. She is quite soft spoken, but that doesn't stop people from absorbing every word. Being in a group as loud as Stray Kids, she still manages to make herself heard, especially when it's random statements or jokes that she's sharing.

Random statements

"Bang Chan tried to crowdsurf and then he fell but he got stuck because his ass is too fat."

"Sunny?! What?!"

"I should shut up now."

'British Queen'

Sunny comes from a town in Manchester, her Northern accent only making her more charming to her fans. And of course with one of her 'dads' being Han, the British comments from stays were at an all time high in moments he adopted the same accent.

'he's learning from his daughter'

'Sunny's accent is rubbing off on Han ahahaha'

'since when was aegi sun teaching her parents how to speak british??'

'Comedy Queen'

Even her energetic moods were enough to get the members into a fit of giggles, let alone the strange noises she'd make or her random one liners.

"Bleurrgh"

"Sunny we don't know how to translate that one."

~

"Sweet home Alabama..."

"Sunny sssshhhhh"

The members definitely loved their sun a lot, and she always managed to surprise them whether it was with her talent, her humour or with little gifts she'd make them too.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

tagged: @skz-streamer @kiraisastay @hannahhbahng @kpopmenace143 @sakufilms @kai-lee08 @arloo00 @dunno-wut-to-do @splat00z @cheesemonky @his-angell @turtledove824 @2minstan @royal-shinigami @yangbbokari

[cursed-man-prayers]

Before folklore came out, I would tell people that liking Taylor Swift was the straightest thing about me. Then folklore, evermore, and Red TV came out. As I saw the queer themes in those albums, I began seeing them in reputation, 1989, Speak Now, Fearless, and debut. The themes have always been there, fluctuating in subtlety but steadily increasing since 1989. So why did I think of Taylor Swift as so quintessentially straight? You guessed it: Compulsory heterosexuality and heteronormativity.

Taylor was supposed to be universally relatable. When she explained her songs, she refrained from using gender-specific language. Us. We. That person. Someone. And people that as “Me. I. A man. That guy I told everyone I was dating.” We were told she dated men, and a woman dating a man = heterosexual. No other options.

Even now, Genius will remove lyric annotations that imply her lyrics might not be about a man. Even with Hits Different, Question…? and Maroon. Taylor says reputation is about Joe and swifties believe her bc “Taylor wouldn’t lie to us!!!” even though there’s so many inconsistencies with the narrative that Rep is about Joe.

To say outright or even imply that Taylor might write songs about women because she likes women is met with scores of comments about how we “shouldn’t speculate on her sexuality!!! she said she’s straight!!! stop being disrespectful!!!!” But Taylor, as she has never said the words “I’m gay” has never said the words “I’m straight.” What she has done is align herself with. LGBTQ artists (YNTCD music video, Phoebe feat., posting support for queer musicians on social media, and, of course, the Pride parade that is her list of openers for the Eras Tour).

If Taylor didn’t people thinking she’s queer, she would’ve thrown in “as a straight woman…” in her speech before performing Delicate at multiple Pride events, when being interviewed about her advocacy during the Lover era, or at literally any point in her adult life.

Writing about women from the male perspective is queer. Her dressing in drag for the Man music video and showing herself in bed with a woman is inherently queer. The way she writes songs about her love interests’ girlfriends is queer. People bend over backwards to justify the gay shit she does, the same thing people have done for centuries with Sappho, Emily Dickinson, Louisa May Alcott, and so many sapphic artists throughout history. Taylor Swift is THE songwriter of our generation. She IS the music industry. But swifties, and hetlors all the more, would rather believe she is stupid and ignorant rather than intentionally using phrases like “hairpin drop,” “lavender haze,” “all the bricks they threw at me,” “you’re the West Village.” When she describes her muses as having scarlet lips, having hair that falls into place like dominos and braids in a pattern, gorgeous, it’s just because she thinks men are really pretty I guess (insert MetGala 2016 Joe photo). When she describes men as toys, playthings, “dudes who give nothing,” she’s being satirical. When she says “weird rumors,” that can’t possibly refer to rumors about marriage, pregnancy, or her having had multiple children during the pandemic. It’s *weird* to say that Taylor is queer. It’s weird and bad and gross. Why? Because people saying this believe being queer is weird, bad, and gross.

But it’s not weird. Being queer is beautiful, a gift. And that gift comes with a world that hates who we are. Of course Taylor is too soft for all it. And I admire her softness, that she continues to write vulnerable music. Midnights (esp 3am Edition and Hits Different) holds her loudest lyrics. She’s never beating the rumors and she doesn’t want to. Even if she never says the words “I’m gay/bi/pan/a lesbian,” the eardrum-shattering volume of her lyrics is more than enough for me.

[smolfangirl]

Captain Wentworth is sooo funny before Louisa's fall in Lyme. Not only is he instantly aware of some random dude checking Anne out, he immediately inquires who he is when they see him again at the inn and then makes this comment after Mary regrets not having been introduced to him:

"Putting all these very extraordinary circumstances together," said Captain Wentworth, "we must consider it to be the arrangement of Providence, that you should not be introduced to your cousin."

But sure, her power with you is gone forever. Idiot (affectionately)

[makingqueerhistory]

Can you make some recommendations for most likely lesbian/bi women who were most likely influenced by "sexual inversion theory" in history? Either names or articles or books if you know of them. Im aware of louisa may alcott emily dickinson and jane austen as possible candidates but i know i was still influenced by this theory even in the 21st century so itd be nice to read about other women who could only understand their sexual identity/ romantic feelings through feeling like they had to be a man in order to be attracted to women

Yes, I do have a couple of women who fit this description!

Elizabeth Amy Dillwyn said:

“My own belief is that I’m half a man & the male half of my nature fell in love with her years ago & can’t fall out of it again.”

There is also an interesting discussion of this in Before We Were Trans: A New History of Gender. (Affiliate link)

There is also Emmeline Freda Du Faur, who was institutionalized and possibly had this idea pushed upon her, writing in her diary:

“For a week I was in a dazed semi-consious state. Asleep all night and half the day. I think I must have been heavily drugged. I took whatever medicine and food I was given. I had a queer experience I could not account for.

A voice said to me, I was awake, “You will have nothing of your own anymore and never be as before. You have an inverted hedonistic persuasion at four points. Will you become a Jewess and do as you are told? Or have eternal pain?” I said I was a Christian and forgot the matter.”

I hope that this helps!

[fictionadventurer]

Musing on the post wwi Persuasion: how do you feel about the possibility that Benwick would turn into a sort of dilettante? Kind of like how Ian Carmichael plays Lord Peter flamboyantly? AFAIK it was a very common cultural reaction to the experience of WWI. So maybe Anne's intervention could be that she sees through it. The advice would still be some form of "touch grass". Perhaps that would make his falling in love with Louisa less tongue-in-cheek than it is in Austen's novel, and much more of a sign of reviving hope and trust in a meaning for life? It just occurred to me, so the thought isn't very defined.

Looking at the scene between Benwick and Anne, I got very attached to the characterization of him as shy, sweet guy who opens up when he gets the chance to talk about his poetry obsession, so I don't know if I could portray him as flamboyant. I would like to explore the depths of his and Louisa's relationship, because I also got very invested in that. You've got Benwick who has faced a ton of hardship bonding with Louisa, who is having her first real experience of disaster--there's a lot of potential to explore that in a post-war setting.

The Lord Peter comparison actually makes me think more of what Wentworth is doing. He's the extrovert who's the life of the party, totally prepared to make a foolish marriage and not think seriously about life. It could be interesting to translate that to an Edwardian setting--Wentworth coming back from the war like, "Look, there's nothing wrong with me, life is grand," and only Anne, who knew him so well before the war, understands just how much he's changed/is hurting. I'm not sure if I could go full Lord Peter with it, but it's an interesting direction to consider.

[thevexinator]

Since Asagiri won't give you Guild content, I will. Headcanons, but they're based on irl facts I found within 5 minutes of googling. [These are just my hcs you can add your own if you wanna]

Louisa May Alcott 💌

- Louisa and Nathaniel are family friends. Irl, Louisa's father was one of Hawthorne's pallbearers [pallbearer - someone helping to escort of carry a coffin]. In the setting of BSD, their families were in close relations due to operating at the same church. Even though Louisa doesn't remember, Nathaniel often looked after her since the older girls [Louisa's older sister Anna and Nathaniel's older sister Elizabeth] were often helping around with the adults.

- She really likes pulp fiction.

- She's knowledgeable about the medical field. The real Louisa was a nurse during World War 1.

- Speaking of war, Louisa is a major history nerd.

Margaret Mitchell ☂️

- While BSD Margaret dresses like what if Mary Poppins was a British aristocrat, the real Margaret Mitchell actually preferred dressing in men's clothes. Thus, whenever she's not on duty in the Guild, she's chilling in something she stole from Nathaniel.

- She's afraid of fire. Why? When Margaret was a child, her clothing ended up catching fire on accident. She's never been the same since.

- She also has driving anxiety. When she was 12, her dad hit a deer on the road. She's never been the same since.

Nathaniel Hawthorne ⚔️

- Generally avoids discourse about the Salem Witch Trials. An ancestor of his played a big part during it, two others were married to women who were accused of being witches. Thus, he added the 'w' to his last name.

- He's surprisingly good with glasswork. When the real Nathaniel and his wife moved into their home, the etched poems into the glass of the windows.

- For a large part of his life, he lived in a commune.

- Occasionally, he sees ghosts. The real Nathaniel once said he saw the ghost of his friend reading his own obituary.

Edgar Allan Poe 🦝

- He's an orphan. He doesn't tell people that.

- He likes being alone. Until he gets the feeling that someone is somewhere in the room with him.

- Insanely intelligent. He knows exactly what he's doing.

- Very weak constitution. One time, when the Guild were all drinking and whatever else they were doing, Poe blacked out after one drink of wine. Everyone genuinely thought someone tried to kill him until they found out he couldn't handle alcohol.

- Unphased. He's seen it all. Death? Child's play. Heartbeat under the floorboards? Normal Tuesday. Corpse falling off the roof? Crazy. Someone walking into the party dressed in red? Standard party etiquette.

Lucy Maud Montgomery 🪆

- Also an orphan. Doesn't tell people about it.

- Very charming. She can flirt. She just chooses not to. She knows she's too powerful.

- Cripplingly depressed. Self-explanatory.

- Has girl nights with Louisa and Margaret, basically a few hours of them doing girl activities. They tried to summon Bloody Mary at least seven times to no returns.

H. P. Lovecraft 🦑

- Lovecraft has monochromacy, a condition where someone can only see in grayscale. This is derived from irl Lovecraft's "The Color Out of Space," essentially Lovecraft's low education being the reason why he didn't know about the electromagnetic color spectrum.

- He's afraid of crowds. He hates it here so much.

- Has epilepsy. The only thing that can stop this eldrich monstrosity in a human trench coat is the average disco party.

- Loves cats. He is so normal about them. Cats run to him like crazy.

- He glows in the dark. Why shouldn't he? He's earned it. He's also deficient in vitamins science hasn't discovered yet. His ankles popping sound like rogue gunshots.

- AroAce. Intimacy is a concept he doesn't understand and doesn't want to.

John Steinbeck 🌳

- He's very much a dog person. His family keeps dogs. His favorite breed is the Australian Sheep dog.

- He was very sick as a child.

- Really into marine biology. [Steincraft fans stay winning.]

- Before the Guild, he worked as a construction worker, newspaper reporter,and caretaker.

- Ironically enough, he has a pollen allergy. It's not severe, just watering eyes and sniffles. He hates it.

Mark Twain 🔫

- So normal about the ocean. He takes Lovecraft and John with him when he goes boating.

- Into geology. He's the guy who collects rocks whenever he's outside.

- Guild game night isn't game night is Mark isn't beating everyone in every board game to ever exist.

- So normal about cats. The real Mark Twain has 19 cats, all with titles like Apollinaris, Beelzebub, Blatherskite, Buffalo Bill, Satan, Sin, Sour Mash, Tammany, Zoroaster, Soapy Sal and Pestilence to name a few. BSD Mark has one ginger cat he adopted off the streets of Yokohama he names Sal, occasionally calling her Sin whenever she's around Nathaniel.

- He almost drowned twice. One would think that would kill his passion for boating, but he baller'd his way out of it.

Francis S. K. Fitzgerald 🪙

- Dyslexic and in denial. Louisa tried to gently bring it up to him that half of his work email was spelled incorrectly, but he was in denial and chalked it up to it being 3 in the morning when he wrote that work email.

- He worked as a screenwriter before the Guild. Coincidentally, he met his wife there!

- He strikes me as a guy who owns a copy of "A Pickle For the Knowing Ones". If you don't know what that is, please look it up. I promise it's worth it.

- Makes too many dad jokes. John and Nathaniel officially want him dead.

- He forgets to sleep. He just forgets. Even though he looks like he died and got resurrected without prior notice and everyone in the Guild is asking him if he had a breakdown, he forgets to sleep.

Hermine Melville 🐋

- At some point in his life, he lived in the Pacific Islands.

- Hiking enthusiast. He likes the mountain terrain a lot.

- His office smells like smoke. No one knows why. It just does.

- Not much about him to be honest. I wish there was more screentime for him. <//3

[bethanydelleman]

I had a brainwave thinking about Dick Musgrove, because why is that part there? It gives us a chance to see Wentworth being compassionate but I think it's meant to be more than that. It's about distortion of memory.

The real circumstances of this pathetic piece of family history were, that the Musgroves had had the ill fortune of a very troublesome, hopeless son; and the good fortune to lose him before he reached his twentieth year; that he had been sent to sea because he was stupid and unmanageable on shore; that he had been very little cared for at any time by his family, though quite as much as he deserved; seldom heard of, and scarcely at all regretted, when the intelligence of his death abroad had worked its way to Uppercross, two years before. He had, in fact, though his sisters were now doing all they could for him, by calling him “poor Richard,” been nothing better than a thick-headed, unfeeling, unprofitable Dick Musgrove, who had never done anything to entitle himself to more than the abbreviation of his name, living or dead. (Ch 6)

The point is that both Anne and Wentworth have been holding each other as perfect paragon of a man/woman (with the minor exception of being too persuadable) in their memories since losing each other:

No one had ever come within the Kellynch circle, who could bear a comparison with Frederick Wentworth, as he stood in her memory. (Ch 4)

He had been most warmly attached to her, and had never seen a woman since whom he thought her equal (Ch 7)

The question is, are they being like the Musgroves and forgetting faults because they mourn a loss, or was their appraisal of each other accurate? Anne almost immediately concludes, "She had seen the same Frederick Wentworth." but Wentworth "He had thought her wretchedly altered." (Ch 12) He begins to believe that the Anne Elliot he has been holding up as so precious for so many years was an illusion and therefore he didn't lose anything when she called off his engagement. He can be happy with any woman now because he was wrong: Anne is nothing special. She was a trick of memory and loss.

As the novel progresses, however, he first he begins to see her as she was:

He gave her a momentary glance, a glance of brightness, which seemed to say, “That man is struck with you, and even I, at this moment, see something like Anne Elliot again.” (Ch 22)

but then truly realizes her full worth after Louisa falls, and again she becomes a woman without equal in his mind, "but if Anne will stay, no one so proper, so capable as Anne.” (Ch 22)

What they both discover is that they were right: the person that they once loved was unique and the perfect person for them. It was not a case of Dick Musgrove becoming a "poor Richard."

[bobbasmultiverse]

[10:44 P.M]

you glanced over to the side at your boyfriend, hearing him sniffle and shove a spoon of mint choco ice cream into his mouth. you cringed through your own tears, hugging your chocolate ice cream closer to your chest before pushing it away from the cold it transmitted through the blanket.

"stop crying, you crybaby." you urged, doing your best to hold in your sniffle as you watched Louisa giggle while William pushed the both of them outside the wedding venue with his wheel cheer. "we watched this movie a million times. why are you still crying?"

"shut up." soonyoung sniffled again, holding back a choked sob. "you're crying, too."

"your crying made me cry." you grumbled, shoving another spoon of ice cream into your mouth.

"did not! you started crying when the movie started." he defended, pointing at you with his spoon before he dug into your own tub of ice cream and scooping up more than his own spoon can handle before he was catching the falling ice cream with his tongue.

a choked sob escaped your lips as you let your spoon fall into your tub and covered your eyes with both hands. "i didn't..." you defended.

you can't deny, you'd both had a few to drink beers during dinner, and it had messed with your emotions, so getting one of the most heartbreaking movies you know was not helping.

soonyoung cooed at you, putting his own tub aside before he was pulling you into his arms, tears streaming out of his eyes non-stop as you both cried together.

"why did you take from my ice cream?" you sobbed out, seeing him shove another spoon into his mouth. "and why does he want to kill himself so much? it's unfair."

"it's okay, baby." hoshi muffled out, wincing slightly from the brain freeze before he resumed running his hand up and down your back.

"stop eating from my ice cream, you have your own!"

"okay, baby. whatever you want."

a/n: i had a marathon a few nights ago where i watched me before you, five feet apart, and the fault in our stars together. my eyes are still very much puffy.

[tildeathiwillwrite]

Tag Game: Writeblr Interview

Thanks to @cowboybrunch for the tag, this looks fun!

Long post incoming.

----------

Short stories, novels, or poems?

I find I end up with novelette/novella-length stories more often than not. I've written plenty of one-shots and short stories for prompt events, and I like doing that especially when I'm doing fanfiction or nameless characters. When I write with ocs though I tend to stretch stuff out and what had originally started as a one-shot or short story ends up becoming a novella.

Don't get me wrong I have plenty of WIPs planned out to be novels (like Trials of the Six), but the first drafts of The Hunter, the Myth and the Cure and The Legend of Orian Goldeneye were both novella-length and will probably stay that way or end up being longer. My Hero x Villain series ended up being a novelette, so basically I can't plan for how long a story's gonna be lol.

I've written a little bit of poetry (heck, I wrote one for The Legend of Orian Goldeneye that may or may not get cut), but it's not my favorite thing to write because I way overthink things. But when I do compose poetry I usually do limericks.

What genre do you prefer reading?

Fantasy, no contest. And within fantasy, usually High Fantasy with a lightcore or hopecore focus. I read some gritty stuff, but I find they tend to have elements I don't really like more than the ones I do.

Are you a planner or a write as I go kind of person?

Both? I like having an idea of where the story's gonna go, and I plan that out either before writing or while writing, so I don't get stuck. But it's really loose and gives plenty of room for the characters to go feral. I'm in the middle, but I lean more panster than plotter.

What music do you listen to while writing?

Soundtracks, usually from videogames or movies. I really should start organizing my two writing playlists by vibes other than calming music and boss fight-type, but I'm pretty happy with how I have it now. I also have some seasonal aesthetic playlists which match the vibe of the current weather.

Field Music Playlist (calming background soundtracks)

Boss Fight Playlist (pump-up, more exciting soundtracks)

Seasonal Aesthetics: Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter

Favorite books/movies?

Oh goodness.

Uhhhh. UHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

My knee-jerk answer for favorite movie is and always will be The Princess Bride. But I also really like Back to the Future, The Martian, and Clue.

With books I tend to separate them into categories. For fantasy I would say it's a tie between Dragonlance: Dragons of Autumn Twilight by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman, The Death Gate Cycle: Hand of Chaos by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman, Mistborn: The Final Empire by Brandon Sanderson, and Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynn Jones.

For sci-fi it's The Martian by Andy Weir, followed closely by Skyward by Brandon Sanderson.

My favorite classic is Little Women by Louisa May Alcott, followed by Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin.

And for nonfiction I like Stuck by Justina Van Manen, The Healing Imperative by Mike Aquilina, and Beautiful Holiness by Kathleen Beckman.

And of course the Holy Bible and the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

Any current WIPs?

This post is getting long enough already, I talk about my WIPs here and they're all linked in my pinned post in one way or another.

Create a character description of yourself:

Quiet, and keeps to herself. Never without a book, never without a rosary. Her brown hair is long, reaching nearly past her waist, and often kept up in a ponytail or a braid. She dresses mostly in dark colors, black jeans or skirt and a shirt or blouse that is black, navy, or gray, but occasionally wears a bright shirt. She wears little to no makeup unless she feels like being extra fancy. She always has a ring on her right hand, and usually a bracelet that matches her outfit, both of which she fiddles with. Her friends are few but she loves them dearly, and they are often on her mind. Though she may be quiet most of the time, she never hesitates to speak up for what she believes in.

Do you like incorporating actual people you know into your writing?

Eh... not really. I know my own thoughts and experiences much better than those around me and I wouldn't wish a lot of the stuff I do to my characters on the people I know so it just feels kinda weird to me.

Are you kill happy with your characters?

I find I like to bring my characters to the brink of death and back again rather than just killing them unless I want to write about grief. I'm more kill happy with immortal characters for the same reason.

Coffee or Tea while writing?

Usually just water, but if I can get my favorite iced coffee drink than I'd be happy to drink that.

Slow or fast writer?

It varies depending on the amount of research I have to do in a scene, but I think I write pretty fast. I haven't measured my words-per-minute in a while but it was pretty good if I recall correctly.

If you were in a fantasy world, what would you be?

I'd love to be a guide of some kind, part of the group enough that I won't get killed off. I'm pretty good with navigation and maps, and I'd like to have powers (minor ones, not overpowered) but that would depend on the fantasy world.

Most fav book cliche:

Scoundrel with a heart of gold. I eat that up like a starving woman. Han Solo, Mat Cauthon, Ifan Ben-Medz, etc. Draven Cozenson, Diana Ozborne and Korfel Domin are two oc examples.

Least favorite cliche:

Love triangles. Frustrates me to no end, especially how most of them are resolved and how they really only seem to drive wedges in the fandoms (Keeper of the Lost Cities fandom, I'm looking at you.) I have no love triangles in my stories and I never will. I have minimal romance anyway but in the two I got there is no competition.

Favorite scene to write?

*evil grin* Love writing the whump or hurt/comfort scenes, all my ocs get whumped in some form or another, and I have fun every single time.

Reason for writing?

Creative expression, love for my ocs, with a dash of "I maked these :D"

In all seriousness, it's a hobby that I love. It sparks joy and it's a craft that I continuously improve upon and the more I write the better I get at writing. I also occasionally fantasize about publishing one day and my books having fandoms of their own. Maybe that will happen someday.

----------

This was fun! Tagging @fourwingedwriter @phoenixradiant @thewritingautisticat @writingphoenix @somethingclevermahogony

@agirlandherquill @happypup-kitcat24 @imsoveryveryconfusedatlife @geode-crystal @pluttskutt and open tag! :D

Blank list under the cut:

Short stories, novels, or poems?

What genre do you prefer reading?

Are you a planner or a write as I go kind of person?

What music do you listen to while writing?

Favorite books/movies?

Any current WIPs?

Create a character description of yourself:

Do you like incorporating actual people you know into your writing?

Are you kill happy with your characters?

Coffee or Tea while writing?

Slow or fast writer?

If you were in a fantasy world, what would you be?

Most fav book cliche:

Least favorite cliche:

Favorite scene to write?

Reason for writing?

[yanderepuck]

You didn't know the prompt but you voted Arthur for some angst.

Hope you're ready for some feels

Sitting at his desk, staring out the window. It's the beginning of spring. Flowers are sprouting. Trees are beginning to regrow their leaves. But even with how beautiful it is outside, he can't seem to enjoy it.

For being a man who is never left speechless, he couldn't tell you exactly how he feels. His vocabulary is wide, and in more than just one language. He knew English, French, and German while he was alive, and now he's begun to learn Dutch and Japanese. You would think he would be able to tell you how he feels.

It's 1897. He could go back to being happy he could go back and see her before she dies. Tell her how much he loves her. Maybe he still had time to stop it from falling apart.

Louisa was his first love. She's still alive. She's suffering with tuberculosis, but she still has many years left to live. Too many actually, considering what happened.

He taps his pen against his desk. The tip leaves small dots of ink on his paper. The pen is dropped and he takes his glasses off to rub his face.

He could go see her. Go see his kids. Tell them how much he loves them. He always loved them. But he didn't show it enough.

It's not that long of a trip. Plus he knows they are all back in England. Which means any day now she will come into his life.

Arthur takes a deep breath and forces himself from his desk. Stretching and trying to think about anything else. Literally anything else.

"Maybe I could go to England... Just for a bit."

He was in the kitchen now making a cup of coffee. What he needed was sleep, not to keep himself up.

He gripped the counter, his knuckles turning white. "I could make sure we all stay happy. I could..."

He seems to finish the sentence in his head, or even starts to have a little argument with himself. "But...I love Jean."

He quickly got snapped out of his thoughts.

"You love Jean?"

It was Theo. As much as he loved Theo, he wasn't the person he needed right now.

"It's nothing. Just a woman I knew from England," he sighs and grabs his mug wanting to hurry back to his room.

"Not so fast, straathond," Theo grabbed his arm to stop him from going anywhere. "Who is she? It's not like you to get hung up on a woman."

He was right. But Jean was different. It was love at first sight. Only, he was already married.

Arthur shakes him off. He wasn't going to understand. How could he? "It's not my issue any longer," he goes back to his room and sits back at his desk.

He zones out for a few minutes before opening a drawer and pulling out a wooden box. Inside were photos and papers from when he was still alive. Oddly enough some of the dates hadn't even passed yet. Some of these photos hadn't even been taken yet.

"If we had stayed in Switzerland for just a little longer..."

He was looking at a photo of Lousia and their two kids. Did his kids even come to his funeral after the way he treated them?

The sight of a single tear landing on the photo snapped him out of it. He turned the picture over and set it on down.

"I need to make things right," he wipes his hand across his face to make the tears go away.

But how? He can't just go to England and walk into their house. The real Arthur is almost 38, and vampire him? Well he looks to be at least a decade younger. Even he can tell he won't be able to pass as himself right now. But he also suspiciously looks too much like himself

"I could...," he pauses to think. "No. But I could-! No." So many thoughts are racing through his head. Should he make sure he never meets Jean? Maybe he should find her first. Maybe slap himself and tell him that he has a wife that he lives at home, and how she loves him.

"That would be a weird interaction, now wouldn't it?"

He sips his coffee and looks down at his paper and pen. It's now covered in ink splotches.

She has so much time left. Not nearly as little as the doctors anticipated. Almost a whole other decade.

Comte would kill him if he went to England and messed with history. He's a famous writer after all. It's not messing with the life of a nobody.

His kids hate him. It's not like he blames them. He chose Jean over his own kids, sent them to boarding school and didn't even want to see them on holidays. Told them they would have to find their own way home for the holiday rather than lending them money.

With his elbows on the desk, and his hands in his hair, his feelings start pouring out of his eyes. He wants to go back and change it. He wants to spend time with his kids. Spend time with Louisa. Tell them all how much he loves them. Tell them that he messed up and he regrets it. That he would do anything for them now.

But ..does he?

Does he regret it?

That's where the feelings are really coming from. Because as much as he wishes he had treated his kids better, he loved Jean. No. He loves Jean. He still has feelings for her to this day.

But what about Louisa? Yes he loves her. But is it stronger? For nine years while she was sick in bed, assuming she could pass any day, he was out with Jean. Going out to dinner with her. Meeting her in hotels.

Would it be fair to stop himself from meeting Jean?

He tries to straighten himself out. He uses the cuff of his shirt to soak up the tears. There's too many this time. The paper beneath him is ruined but he doesn't care. He picks up his pen and starts writing, being careful of all the wet spots.

For once since he's been revived he pours his heart out. The tears don't stop rolling down his cheeks, but he doesn't stop writing.

He writes a few pages, not quite sure of when to stop. But after what felt like hours he finally puts his own down. He's not even going to reread what he wrote. He can't.

He searches through his desk for envelopes. He needs three. The same address goes on each of them, but the names are different. After putting each letter where it goes he hesitates closing them.

When should he send them? They don't even know what he's apologizing for. The affair hasn't even started yet. But should he wait until Louisa has mere days left? Weeks? Months? Would they think it is some kind of prank?

He finishes off his coffee and gets up, taking the letters with him. Another debate is in his head.

Comte knows about his life and everything that happened. He doesn't know how, but he does. But Theo is his best friend, even though he doesn't know a fraction of his life.

He lets his feet lead him where he needs to go. He doesn't even realize how dark the mansion is. How the sun has gone down. He is looking down at the envelopes as he walks. No clue where he is going until he stops.

He looks up and it's Theo's door. His best friend. He would trust him with his life. He takes a deep breath and wipes his eyes again before knocking on his door.

"Theo?" he finally realized how late it is. He could be asleep.

Just as he is about to walk away from the door, it opens. "This better be good stra-" he stops when he sees how red Arthur's eyes are. How his cheeks are a little wet. "Arthur, what's wrong?"

He's clearly had gotten out of bed to answer the door.

"I need you to do something important for me," he holds out the letters. "These need to go to England," he pauses for a moment, nearly choking on his tears. "To Louisa and my kids."

"Arthur what are you -" he gets cut off.

"I need you to send them when the time is right. Louisa only has nine years left."

Theo wanted to ask so many questions. He's never seen Arthur like this. What happened? Theo slowly reaches out and takes the envelopes, noticing that they aren't shut.

"I don't-"

"Please, Theo," he's doing his best to keep his cool. It's not going well. "Don't tell me when you send them. I want to leave it in the past."

Looking up from the letters, he looks at Arthur and nods. "Okay. I will."

He didn't know how else to reply to taking on this task. He doesn't even know the situation to know when would be a good time. They aren't shut, does he read them? Is that why he didn't shut them?

"Thank you," Arthur says nothing else and walks back down the hall to his room. He closes his door and falls into the couch in his room, not even thinking about turning his desk lamp off.

"There's nothing else you can do, ol' chap."

~~~

~~~

Writer notes: I started this in March when I was doing a bunch of polls. For this one I had you chose the guy, and kept the prompt a secret.

I did a DEEEP dive into Arthur and I didn't realize the affair was THAT long so then I wasn't too sure how to write this. I knew he was married twice but I didn't realize how the second came to be, or that Louisa was dying the whole time.

I wasn't sure how to make him feel regret bc he really did love Jean, but he also really loved Louisa.

ANYWAY I HOPE YOU ALL ENOYED.

The other options for this prompt were Vincent, Mozart and Dazai. I might do one with Vincent because I already used this prompt neither Theo.

[creat0r-cat]

Iplier Egos Head Cannon - What Song in "Encanto" Did They Get Emotional During?

Darkiplier

Surface Pressure

Deep down he really does care about his “brothers”

He thinks he needs to keep up the tough guy act to make them think he isn’t afraid

He is

He REALLY is

He’s worried about the space/time continuum, keeping order, and making sure the ipliers’ existence stays a secret

He tries not to let the others see the tears that involuntarily start to fall as Louisa sings about her struggles as the strongest sister

Wilford

He probably heard all of the songs before watching the movie

He wouldn’t really cry for any of them in particular (feeling that he doesn’t necessarily relate to any of them)

However

He would look at certain egos to watch their reactions during different songs

He would notice the small things that happen and slowly learn more about his “brothers” based on the musical numbers and their lyrics

After the movie, he’d probably go and visit the egos that had the worst reactions (who got the most emotional or those who would straight up leave the room)

He did get a little bothered listening to “Dos Oruguitas” though

He didn’t get emotional per say

But watching Pedro die with the love song in the background kinda reminded him of when he lost Celine

Fortunately, he opted not to dwell on it too much

Actor

Waiting On A Miracle

This boy is INSECURE because of his breakup with Celine

Is he good enough?

Has he done enough?

Is he really worthy of anything?

He wants to be better

He wants his life to be better

But everything seems to slip through his fingers, coming back to resent him later on

He just wants someone to open their eyes and see that he’s worth their time, even if that person is Dark

Mirabel dancing on screen, singing about how she wished to be noticed as part of the family, made Actor tear up, wiping them away before someone could see them

Eventually, it got to be too much (especially seeing how Mirabel was pushed away by her family after trying to help them) and he left the room, using the excuse of getting more snacks

As soon as he entered the kitchen, he had a silent breakdown

Googleplier

Surface Pressure

I can’t really hear Louisa sing “I’m pretty sure I’m worthless if I can’t be of service” without thinking about Google and his first objective

Yes, his secondary objective is relatively important, but the first one is.. Well it’s his PRIMARY objective

If he can’t do anything other than hurt people, then what is the point of him being there?

His optics widen and his mechanical heart speeds up

“How do you feel?” survey pops up and he clicks on one

“I’m in this picture and I don’t like it”

Bingiplier

What Else Can I Do?

He’s imperfect

That’s all I really need to say, but I’ll continue

He’s always compared to Google and he knows deep down that he’s worth more than his search bar abilities

He doesn’t want to be perfect like Google

He just wants to be himself, which is hard when everyone is always doting on him for every mistake he makes

Isabella creating spiky plants and beautiful flowers in front of him makes his optics widen and he slowly smiles, feeling an odd mixture of happiness and sadness as he watches her accept her imperfections in spite of her family’s expectations

Dr. Iplier

He doesn’t really get emotional during the songs

However

When it’s revealed that Bruno has been shunned by his family because of his gift, he smiled sadly

“How unfortunate,” he thought, “for someone to be abandoned because of something uncontrollable and never be spoken of again for fear of taboo”

He’s seen patients in the hospital who never have anyone visit them

He always feels sad when he finds out that someone has been abandoned

He secretly makes trips to animal shelters for that reason, to visit the abandoned animals and give them some love

He gets happy again when Bruno is reunited with his loved ones who welcome him back with open arms

Yandereplier 

Dos Oruguitas

He wouldn’t relate to any of the English songs enough to have a real reaction

He gets emotional during certain parts of the movie because he recognizes a lot of what’s going on in the Madrigal family (Toxic family roles and stuff like that)

He feels bad for the characters (especially Mirabel and Bruno)

But when “Dos Oruguitas” starts playing and we find out the heartbreaking truth behind Abuelo Pedro’s death

WHOOOO BOY the tears start FLOWING

He hates to imagine the pain Abuela went through, losing the love of her life

Yandere, being a very romantic man, can’t stand the thought of his own senpai leaving him

Like, she’s everything to him!

He’d become very protective of her after watching this movie, afraid of anyone taking her away from him

He’s fine with the movie though, loves the music for the most part

Yancy

Friggin ALL OF THE SONGS

He loves music and finds each of them so amazing

He also kinda relates to each of the English sung songs in their own way (except “We Don’t Talk About Bruno”)

WOAM: The want to be extraordinary and help others

SP: The need to be the tough one and look out for his fellow prisoners and weaker “brothers”

WECAD: The want to live life how he wants without being the picture perfect civilian that the world wants him to be

He thinks very highly of this movie and loves it to bits

He does eventually become frustrated with how often “We Don’t Talk About Bruno” gets sung by people both online and in real life

Like, he gets that it’s a catchy song, but still, give it a break

Illinois

Waiting On A Miracle

Yes, Illinois is a special adventurous and flirtatious boy 

But not everything is really as it seems with him

His whole “Everyone falls in love with me” act is a facade

He’s trying to convince himself that he’s loved / cared about by someone

He took up adventuring to be different

To be a conversation starter

To be interesting so that somebody

ANYBODY

Would look his way and want to be around him 

After all..

He wasn’t special or cool enough growing up to have many / any friends

He sees way too much of himself in Mirabel and ends up leaving the group for a few minutes to cry in the bathroom

Engineer Mark

Waiting On A Miracle

What else needs to be said?

If given pictures of Engineer and Mirabel everyone would say they were the same image

Insecure

Feels unwanted

Wants to be impressive and help those around him with his talents and ideas

Hides behind a false persona of happiness

THEY

ARE

THE

SAME

PERSON

He’s close to leaving the room but stays put, activating his space helmet which is also soundproof so no one can see / hear him start to cry

Poor man can’t hear “Waiting On A Miracle” without having a breakdown

[adamwatchesmovies]

The Sound of Music (1965)

I was shocked to learn that The Sound of Music received mixed reviews upon its release in 1965. I can sort of understand someone criticizing the liberties it takes with the story it's based on (though of course, someone who does this should realize that real life is not particularly cinematic) but how can you not fall in love with this musical? Unabashedly sweet, it effortlessly charms you. This is exactly the kind of movie you’d love to watch on a miserable day when you’re sick. No matter how foul your mood is, it’ll lift your spirits.

In 1938 Austria, Maria (Julie Andrews, magnificent) studies to become a nun but doesn't fit in with her peers. She’s always humming a tune and constantly finds her spirit whisked away by music. To help her decide where she belongs, Maria is sent to help care for the seven children of Captain von Trapp (Christopher Plummer). As the family bonds, everything seems blissful, until neighbouring Nazi Germany begins mobilizing its troops…

If you’ve never seen The Sound of Music before, you’ll feel a little foolish once it’s over. You haven't sat down with this movie, but you’ve heard several of the songs before, you’ve seen parodies of the most memorable scenes and you may have even seen clips out of context. It makes you go "Oh! That's from THIS movie!" There’s no way to forget My Favorite Things, Do-Re-Mi, Sixteen Going on Seventeen or So Long, Farewell and you won’t want to. Much credit belongs to Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II, who wrote the stage musical but if that was all the movie had going for it, you could watch a stage version. What elevates this production is the cast. Julie Andrews, best known for her role in Mary Poppins is unsurprisingly excellent as Maria. What she does almost seems easy because - like the children she cares for - you instantly fall for her. She’s so sweet, gentle and kind it’s hard to imagine even the iciest hearts - like the one beating inside Captain von Trapp - staying cold in her presence. What’s surprising is Christopher Plummer. Turns out, he can sing. I don’t know if you’d be as excited at the idea of them becoming romantically entangled if the children weren’t there, but that’s the point. If Maria does fall in love, it won’t be with just the father, it will be with the family.

The film’s best scenes often involve dance numbers. Not the big kind of dances that suddenly has everyone in the country expertly coordinated; playful, childlike dances as the young Von Trapps perform for a crowd or tender scenes between two people who tell us how they feel through lyrics and body language. Though the children are only given limited screen time and character development, they all get enough for you to understand them as people. It helps that the young actors portraying Liesl, Louisa, Friedrich, Kurt, Brigitta, Marta and Gretl are terrific.

One of my favorite things about The Sound of Music is that while it’s light, happy, romantic and carefree - maybe even corny - it has this tiny bit of tension and a smidge of fear in it too. As we approach the second act, a looming shadow in the distance keeps you wondering. When Germany annexes Austria, it’s a cold bucket of reality dumped onto this musical. Things were so sweet and light before; surely this means the family will be alright? You’re pretty sure they will be, but there’s a part of you that doubts. It’s just enough to give this movie stakes and compels you to keep watching. As nice as the film is, it might’ve been too much without that little bit of vinegar.

The Sound of Music has melted the ice around my heart and rekindled my appetite for musicals. It's the kind of picture that introduces itself to you by handing you a bouquet. You fall in love with the songs, the story and the dance numbers too. There's even a puppet show so darling it'll make your every worry and fear vanish. I can't wait to see it again. (December 13, 2023)

[imaginesbymonika]

About you (2)

Pairing: Tenoch Huerta x fem!reader

Warnings: angsty, mentions of a break-up, winston for the rescue once again, fluff in the beginning, flashbacks

Plot: Inspired by "About you" by the 1975. You and Tenoch used to date and you simply can't shake the feeling that you are still in love with him. You wonder if he still thinks about you, because you do all the time.

Masterlist / Previous Chapter

You still know everything about the day when you first met Tenoch. Back in 2017 on the set of the Netflix show Narcos. You were standing outside of the big costume trailer, waiting more than patiently for your turn to try on your outfits.

It was sometime during spring and snow was gradually falling from the sky, still, despite the fact that you were wearing multiple layers of clothing you were yet somehow freezing. While you started to do your little jumping dance, in order to keep yourself warm you heard someone giggle behind you. When you turned around the soft giggling instantly stopped.

"Lo siento…", the man in front of you replied, in a whisper. But you just shook your head and raised your eyebrows in confusion. "Oh, no me entiendes… I said that I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh at you." He licked his lips before the realization struck you. "Oh, no, no, no. I'm not offended!" "Okay, good. I was worried about that for a second.", he points past you towards the entrance of the trailer: "Are you also waiting for the costumes?"

You didn't break his gaze, something inside of you wasn't done looking at him. "Yes.", you quickly answer:" I'm going to be playing Louisa, the American journalist." A smile once again emerged on his lips:" You're the one playing my TV girlfriend. It's nice to meet you."

"You look incredible.", your best friend Nora declares, while looking at you through the facetime call. You clench your jaw, as your hands touch the smooth fabric of the green satin dress that fits you like a second skin. "Thanks.", you reply, before you look back at yourself in the mirror.

"He's going to be so jealous when he sees you, I-." She pauses and an uncomfortable stillness fills your small dressing room as soon as those words leave her mouth: "I- I'm so sorry, Y/N." You walk over to the table, where you put your phone up against the wall. "I don't know why I said that.", she continues and you take the little device in your hand. "It's okay."

Obviously, it wasn't but you didn't want to tell her. Instead, you just smile at her for a few more seconds before you awkwardly clear your throat:" I probably need to get going, but thanks for answering. Love you." "Love you too, so much."

You turn the phone off and stare at your reflection for a moment before you let it slip through your fingers. You hear how it hits the table, but you don't care. You cross your arms in front of your chest, while you feel how tears are surfacing in your y/e/ced eyes.

"That was great!", Tenoch said after helping you get back up on your feet. Around you, people started to move furniture around and the various voices all turned into one big blur. You smiled at him:" Well, thank you. You didn't do too bad either."

He chuckled and lowered his head, but you still caught a glimpse of his reddened cheeks. He cleared his throat:" I wanted to ask you something earlier, I hope it's not weird or anything. But would you maybe like to go eat dinner after we're done filming?" You stared at him for a moment before you nodded, the grin on your face was answering the question before the words had the chance to escape your lips.

Suddenly a few knocks on the door make you snap your head in its direction and when you see a man with cables on his belt and a small microphone attached to his shirt you roll your shoulders back:" What is it?" "I just wanted to inform you, you're on in five. Could you maybe follow me towards the stage entrance?", he asks and you nod. "Of course."

And when you walk out of the room your heart drops. Tenoch who is standing a few meters away from you clenches his jaw when your eyes meet. You want to look away, maybe look at Lupita or maybe Danaai. But you just can't. Until a tall figure steps in front of you and blocks your view of your ex-lover.

Winston flashes you a quick smile before you can hear the crowd cheer.