#BE A LITTLE KINDER THAN YOU HAVE TO BE
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Taps cheek. Must confess I feel like some people haven't been approaching the fandom the way I have, and I am sorely realizing this now.
Y'all, the VAs here see you. If you are publically posting hate about a character–especially in the main tags or in their inbox–there is a very real chance that the person who plays that character will see you. They are not disconnected entities that hover above everything in their own fandom, they engage in it. They have strong feelings about their own characters too, they made them. And everyone being excessively foul about them and their character is not the kinda takeaway they wanna see!!
So. Perhaps. It would be more constructive for people to either learn to be nicer or to just shut up if I'm being quite honest.
#xero says things#i dont usually talk abt the meta happenings of the show but like#this is rooted in a topic i have a lot of feelings abt. which is how ppl treat artists and how ppl seem meaner than ever#i have always made an active effort whole posting abt these shows to not sound like i am hating on it#even before i know the VAs looked at the fandom!#just bc i figured if someone else saw me talking trash abt their faves it wouldn't ruin their day yk#and thinking about how someone literally went out of their way to send multiple paragraphs of hate directly into kat's inbox is.#more than a little upsetting#these are people. not content machines. just bc their company makes them do daily vids like they are doesn't mean you should roll with that#i feel for kat so much and i genuinely hope things get kinder and easier for her. i don't blame her for doing this at all#sun and moon show#lunar and earth show#tsams#tlaes
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it's like. louis attempted to tell this story to daniel the first time, broke down, and attacked him before he could finish it.
and then decades later he's convinced himself that it was leaving the story unresolved that's holding him back from living his life fully now. so he invites daniel back again. and louis is sitting poised and put together, confident in his ability to recite his history in a pretty, poignant, neat little narrative that will resolve all the guilt and yearning and emptiness inside of him. that if he can just tell a compelling, satisfying story, maybe it will actually be that, and not the life he lived through, with all the pitfalls of his own failures lurking inside.
and then season 1 ends with him once again being forced to confront that the story he wants to imagine and the life he actually lived aren't the same thing. the boundaries around his narrative are shredded and he's left exposed, and subsequently able to face his past for the first time since that original interview. and you think, you think, "well this is it. they've crossed the event horizon. there's no use hiding the truth anymore, not after it's come flooding out into the open like this"
and then season 2 opens. not only is it back to the original, practiced distance, we now have armand literally enforcing that distance. a man sitting at the table who's interjections must be disregarded, an intentional interruption to the flow of the story. he doesn't exist to aid or add detail, he exists to distract louis when he gets too deep in the story. the only time we do get louis allowing any deep truth to come out is when armand leaves the room.
it's like. louis wants a story that's true, and the truth is what he's convinced will leave him satisfied. armand wants a story that will satisfy louis, to the extent louis will accept it's true.
#genuinely THE juiciest way to tell this story#like it's SO good#there's this coy little humor behind the ep#where louis and armand are very much like 'haha okay daniel you've caught us out. you've seen behind the curtain. this is the whole truth'#meanwhile daniel's getting '8 hours on how to avoid the sun and torpedoes'#like it's a faux revelation that completely backtracks all of the progress made at the end of season 1#and even louis's (very touching) moment this episode where he tells daniel the truth#is a very digestible and ultimately non-harmful dive into his past#armand doesn't like it because it's part of a slippery slope of remembrance#but he doesn't actively get in the way of it being told because it's a revealed memory that doesn't ULTIMATELY mean that much#like i'm assuming we're all on deck as far as believing louis doesn't remember the full extent of claudia's death atm.#i could be wrong about that. but like. it is kind of the elephant in the room at the moment#so it's very much a case of armand getting to couch his own fears and attachment in 'doing the greater good for louis'#ultimately who does it serve if louis remembers everything and realizes armand's more negative role in his life?#all that will do is make him miserable. deprive him of the one person in his life who cares for him#better to have a palatable lie than a truth that could leave louis a danger to himself#('as long as you walk this earth i won't taste the fire' <- but she doesn't walk this earth and the reason why is sitting by his side)#isn't it the kinder and better thing to manufacture a world where louis can live with himself?#anyways. teehee. i missed this show so much. <3#iwtv
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🌒
#bylitza#fe3h#byleth eisner#jeritza von hrym#fanart#digital illustration#this one kicked my ass all week lol#and im still very unsure about it#but i like the linework i did and byleth's hand#i think my mistake was to make this very large#idk im also bad at colouring#i had an initial idea for the colour that i couldnt make work and then i skipped around other less clear ideas#so yeah dont be like me#if you no longer like an idea maybe spend more than like a minute trying to come up with another lol#my nice bluesky mutuals were very kind to me when i showed the sketch for this saying i wasnt really happy with the finished thing#so i decided to make it work at least a little bit#to put all those good vibes to use#and as i said on bsky; i hope you can look at this with kinder eyes than me#have a nice day¡¡
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Dick or no dick confirmation Pickles was always going to be trans to me anyways; if he's swingin' somethin that's phallo babes, if he's not then his t-dick fat. What's not to get.
#metalocalypse#jay talkin#I'm sorry they wrote that awful gross little man far too likeable and relatable to on a trans level#for me not to hoot and holler and cheer for the trans pickles agenda#changes nothing about his character arc or any of the show anyone is capable of being the kind of person he is#don't make the mistake of thinking thats exclusive to cis men#his transness wouldnt change that#only adds on an extra layer to him that i think works fantastically.#Listen that dude was rejected by his family driven to drink and drugs young to escape that ran away to be in a band#is called fucking Pickles of all things and refuses to tell anyone his real last name;#over the span of four seasons and two movies he slowly starts to learn to be for others what he never had#he becomes more caring more supportive#it's not a stretch to say he undoes some of the toxic masculinity he's been keeping himself shielded behind#and learns how to be a kinder man.#all of which have no contradictions with him being trans!#In fact it doesn't take much extra thought to find ways a lot of this can line up with some trans masculine experiences#i mean. Did no one else have a younger phase where they swung as far as they could into crass rude and uncaring ways#to try and assert their masculinity only to grow and realise that you can be a man and be more caring.#Did no one else have father issues. 1 800 come on now i know those are both shared experiences a lot of us have had LOL.#at the end of the day this show aired nearly 20 years ago and is finished. we're not getting more of it#so nothing is altered nor changed if pickles is canonically trans or not ok. its fine#i mean hell i dont even need canon confirmation hes trans to me and thats all i care abt#but i think if yr getting suuuuuper weird abt needing him not to be canonically trans you have some issues#and bio essentialist ideals of gender if you think only a cis man can act like he does#again. anyone can be like that. its not exclusive. him being trans would not change him in any way shape or form lol#AND ALSO GODDDUUUGH for once i love getting to see a guy pushing 50 whos depicted as trans#do you have any idea how dire and barren it is out here. we never get to see a trans guy older than 30 and whos not a pristine model#I WANT MORE OLD SHLUBBY SHITHEAD TRANS GUYS IN MEDIA
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MIKE BLOCKED ME ON TWITTER FOR ROASTING HIS DUMBASS RESPONSE TO THE GRAPHIC NOVEL STUFF!!
grown ass man scared of the 19-year-old queer being mean to him over his public meltdown more at 8.
#ramblez#little white boy sad? U sad bc nobody likes you? Bc u constantly make a fool of urself and show off ur distaste for ur fans? lmao#this is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me imagine how mad he'll be when he finds out the fangame Im making has queers in it#hes gonna have a whole other white boy meltdown on main KJSNFDGKJHFGKJHGKJHSDFGSD#hes so fucking sensitive maybe just get off of social media Mike this never ends well for you#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#and look Im joking around about this but it really is sad that the bendy devs cant handle this kind of critique towards their decisions#it seems despite the backlash once again they are choosing to ignore their fans which is yknow upsetting#But hey ig if the devs being awful was a dealbreaker for this fandom I wouldve left a long time ago and I havent#dw Im not going anywhere <3#also if anyone else here was also criticizing Mike maybe check his acct to make sure ur not blocked now since apparently#old habits die hard and this is certainly a pattern with him KJHDSFKGJHSDKFGJHDFGSD#also look before anyone asks yes I was kinda mean to him over this but to put bluntly if hes gonna be this dismissive to his fans concerns#he deserves it. Theres this persistent attitude esp in bendy fanspaces of being defensive of the devs#and I dont know why they have been extremely horrible people every single chance they get#and its very hurtful to see how many people would rather tell me to be kinder to the people who broke the heart of a child me when they#dismissed any ideas of putting queers like me in their stories than to realize Mike n Meatly bring this bad attention to themselves#to put bluntly I dont owe them kindness not until they at least apologize for the shit they did which they still havent#mike hasnt even addressed his vent poem in the code of BATDR let alone the other shit he said n did#so no I will not be kind to him ever hope this helps!
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Slotting The Long Winter alongside North and South as a book about life in the nineteeth century that counts as a sci fi because it explores how technology affects the lives of the people whose society depends on it, and explores what kind of duty a man has to care for his own business vs. that of the community.
#preliminary thought is that north and south is kinder to the poor and more community-minded#because there's a lot of stuff in the long winter about how you need to care for yourself and not rely on others#or the scenes where the guy's like 'why should i have to give up my seed for folks who were too dumb to get their own supplies?'#and the response is 'of course you don't have to. of course we'll pay you for it'#as if letting people starve would have been a valid option#but then there are scenes that push back against it#namely the scene with the storekeeper trying to pricegouge the wheat#(contender for new favorite scene in the book)#where they show the other side of capitalism/free market#where of course you have the right to charge what you want#but get too greedy and the community will remember#so it's in your best interests to be decent#and now that i put it that way WOW is that a cynical take#but it's still a nice moment when they make the storekeeper change his mind#but anyway it's kind of interesting that the working-class take is more 'every man for himself' than the genteel english take was#the long winter#north and south#little house#laura ingalls wilder#elizabeth gaskell
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It’s hard to put on a bright face, in spite of everything (Patreon)
#Doodles#Flowey#UT#Underfell#Just regular Underfell this time! His interactions with Fellplates!Gaster are fun but it was also a great springboard of thinking of Just He#I've never really considered Underfell!Flowey - I love that he's duplicitous and tragic and terrible <3 So a happy Flowey was just kinda#Fine I guess? Kinda missing his depth tho isn't he?#That's what I thought initially anyway hehe ♪ I think he could definitely hold some lies in his belly still ♫#I think no matter what version you end up with - no matter what stimuli you introduce to him - you're going to end up with Flowey™#He's still just a lost little soul with too much Determination and the ability to use it to his own ends - and he's bored. And he's Tired#Especially of getting killed all the time - that whole Kill or Be Killed thing got old Fast - faster than it did in Undertale anyhow#He's still just a fearful little dust-coward in there <3 And when he loses his ability to come back? Oh I think that'd scare him silly#I don't believe for a second that he'd be any more merciful to the player if he didn't think he'd get something from it#Protection - new things to see or feel - maybe he'd even have something of a capacity to be appreciative that'd be nice#And I do think he'd be genuinely helpful! But I think it'd have a Lot of the same undercurrents as what happens to him in the Genocide run#Depends a lot on the player as well - maybe the kinder you are to other monsters the better he'd behave#But would it be out of fear or cockiness of still surviving haha ♪ I just love when he's the worst! He's my favourite when he's the worst!#I think the big question would be Omega Flowey - I mean. Even someone kind-hearted like Asriel became what he did#And Asgore was willing to give himself up to become a True Monster as well - I just :| I don't think he'd fare well lol#Maybe the rules are different in Underfell I dunno but if the rules are the same-#But then again ♪ I also like it when he has the opportunity to be terrible and then doesn't. For whatever reason - selfish - selfless#He's just my favourite :) And it's fun to imagine him acting differently from the same source/different reasons hehe
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the Tyra Sanchez discourse is so funny, like, yall fell so hard for RuPaul's family friendly VH1 sanitization of the scene that a drag queen waiting until someone who was rude to them died & then saying "I am glad she is dead" and NOTHING ELSE has yall in tatters? grow tf up lmao John Waters should shoot you
#like when ppl were clutching their pearls when cardi b told somebody ''I hope ya moms dies''#like ok? and? so? she meant that shit stop picking fights w girls from the bronx if you gonna be a crybaby about it lol#also not to sound like a boomer abt it but what tf is up is it that these youths could not survive a gauntlet of mean girls (2004) dialogue#or is it that they have weird infantilizing standards or purity in their warped parasocial little hearts for fucking drag queens lol#frankly anything kinder than ''if i was you i would kill myself'' as a gag is a queen being nice
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I love fix-it aus for stories where any attempt to fix shit could only ever make everything worse. They're like sitcoms to me.
#you know because it's like... listen babe literally nothing could ever fix this. i promise.#funnier when the person writing it clearly knows this and invents incredibly unhinged circumstances to avoid#making things even worse#... I'll be real I don't think those circumstances would help either#im calling myself out too. i did that once. i want to write it still but now I want to make it#more fucked up. i know that that's kinda...the opposite of a fix it thingie. but you see. the specific thing i am fixing here#does not actually prevent me from making other things worse#yes my son will fucking get therapy no matter what. on god he will get it. he'll be ok with himself. he'll get the chance to be.#also no the protagonist will not be any better lol. i refuse to make him into a better person. he is good but not kind#and i refuse to change that. in fact i want to make him double down. external circumstances will force him to be kinder#than he could ever be but on god he himself will get even colder. like haha boy you might be god's special little boy and#people might think you're both nice AND good but hey how good are you really when the only people you care about#are your immediate family? how nice are you really when you act like that only when you're asked to be nice#by people who have never done anything wrong?#boy you might be good on a cosmic level but that doesn't mean much when the cosmos is uncaring; does it?#anyway sorry about that. it's just that i love protagonist who are god's special little boy and are good only because that's the#role assigned to them by said god and also because everyone around is worse or they're fighting against someone worse.#i love those cunts even more when they're incredibly biased and their mercy is conditional
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Uh, Hi!! An update!!
Oh gosh I'm sorry for being gone for so long! I'm not dead, I promise! I actually had some amazing things happen to me the last few months - I got a full time job!!! And I have insurance now!!! And while it's kept me incredibly busy, I'm happier than I've been in a long time and am finally in a position to start a savings and prepare for other adulting activities that are still rather new to me. I will be back soon with new Saw art, but I just want you all to know I appreciate every word of kindness you have left on my art - it means the world to me, so so much!!!
Thank you for bearing with me and I look forward to creating some new pieces for you all!!!❤️❤️❤️
-Vera
#veradraws#veratalks#seriously thank you all#youve been kinder than i could have ever dreamed#and im happy you enjoy my silly little doodles
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genuine question is having a flatmate ever a pleasant experience
#big rant in the tags#i love my flatmate as a friend we get on great (we were friends already) but my godddd i'm pulling my hair out rn#life was so peaceful when i lived alone i want that back so bad it was so chill i didn't have to worry about anything#genuinely why is it so hard for people to be clean. and take the fucking bins out. and just wipe the table after they get crumbs everywhere#and i get that my standards of cleanliness are very high im not expecting that i know it's not gonna be spotless all the time#but there should at least be some sort of attempt. i've not seen her get the hoover out or mop ONCE. and it's always me taking the fucking#genuinely her gf has cleaned up more than she has. but they generate so much mess together and never fucking clean it#came back saturday night after being at home for 2 1/2 weeks (she'd already been back for a week with her gf) and the bins were piled high#and the sink was just so gross with food and stains and gross shit idek and the floor clearly hadn't been hoovered since i did it before#i left to go home. and her and her gf have got so many little kinder toys and lego pieces out on the shelves in the living room so it looks#all messy and listen that'd be fine if she was the one dusting those shelves but it's always me having to wipe down the surfaces and it's#so annoying having to move everything each time. bear in mind she has the bigger room so she has space for all that stuff in there#and today i got home from uni went to grab a bowl and tbh at least her gf had unloaded the dishwasher but she'd put away a bowl that#clearly hadn't been washed properly by the dishwasher how do you see something like that and put that away in the cupboard#i probably sound insane rn but it's so fucking annoying to have to clean up after another person yet alone another person's gf#and before u say just talk to her 1) i have already when i first had to have a conversation with her about her gf coming to stay for 1 mont#that's a whole other issue and 2) i shouldn't have to constantly remind a grown adult to fuckin clean up after themselves in a shared space#thank fuck we have separate bathrooms because i would kms i fear#thing is in february and march im gonna be out of the city for one of my placements i'm already stressed enough about having to move#and i want to be able to come back at the weekend to recharge and see friends but im just scared that it'll be a mess whenever i do#idk man i just think it's disrespectful like this has been my home for over 3 years i care about this flat a lot and it pisses me off to#see shit that gets spilt on the floor not getting cleaned up.... okay enough i just got myself all worked up again#.txt
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I tagged one thing ocd and now tumblr is recommending me nothing but aggressive posts explaining what intrusive thoughts are. I have no idea how to tell you this tumblr but I fucking know. I know what they are I know. I have them all the time I’m having them right now trust me I KNOW WHAT THEY ARE
#meows#and why does everyone think that making separate posts about it is the only thing worth discussing about ocd#they’re always aggressive and derogatory and obviously aimed at people who don’t have ocd#I am tired of going online to be yelled at by strangers#I wish the tone of the posts on this site was kinder even a little bit more than it is#that’s just ab a mental illness. political topics are wayyyy worse#if you don’t know what this is I hate you I think you’re a piece of shit bigot and I wish you’d die. like that’s the tone
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10 Flaws to Give Your Perfect Characters to Make Them Human
If you're tired of the usual vices like arrogance or impatience, here are some unique (or at least less basic) character flaws to give your perfect characters:
Pathological Altruism
A character so obsessed with helping others that they end up doing more harm than good. Their inability to let others grow or face consequences creates tension.
2. Moral Narcissism
A character who sees themselves as morally superior to others, constantly justifying selfish or harmful actions because they believe they have the moral high ground.
3. Chronic Self-Sabotage
A character who intentionally undermines their own success, perhaps due to deep-seated feelings of unworthiness, pushing them into frustrating, cyclical failures.
4. Emotional Numbness
Rather than feeling too much, this character feels too little. Their lack of emotional response to critical moments creates isolation and makes it difficult for them to connect with others.
5. Fixation on Legacy
This character is obsessed with how they’ll be remembered after death, often sacrificing present relationships and happiness for a future that’s uncertain.
6. Fear of Irrelevance
A character-driven by the fear that they no longer matter, constantly seeking validation or pursuing extreme measures to stay important in their social or professional circles.
7. Addiction to Novelty
Someone who needs constant newness in their life, whether it’s experiences, relationships, or goals. They may abandon projects, people, or causes once the excitement fades, leaving destruction in their wake.
8. Compulsive Truth-Telling
A character who refuses to lie, even in situations where a lie or omission would be the kinder or more pragmatic choice. This flaw causes unnecessary conflict and social alienation.
9. Over-Identification with Others' Pain
Instead of empathy, this character feels others' pain too intensely, to the point that they can’t function properly in their own life. They’re paralyzed by the suffering of others and fail to act effectively.
10. Reluctant Power
A character who fears their own strength, talent, or influence and is constantly trying to shrink themselves to avoid the responsibility or consequences of wielding it.
Looking For More Writing Tips And Tricks?
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PS: This is my first short-form blog post! Lmk if you liked it and want to see more (I already have them scheduled you don't have a choice)
#hayatheauthor#haya's book blog#haya blogs#writing community#quillology with haya#writing tools#writer things#writing advice#writer community#writing techniques#writing prompt#writing stuff#creative writing#ya writing advice#writing tips and tricks#writer tools#writers of tumblr#writer blog#writers block#quillology with haya sameer#writers on tumblr#writerscommunity#writer stuff#author help#author advice#author#writing inspiration#writeblr#novel writing#on writing
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#*#i couldve told you i loved you and i DIDNT!#isnt that fucking wild#i couldve told you everything i wish i could have and i didn’t!#i hope you are so much kinder to your committed partner than you ever were to me!#i was no one and i wish i remained so!#i wish it was as easy as i was the one with feelings and you weren’t!#i wish i never knew you harbored tender feelings for me!#i am so easy to cut out of your life now#i was always easy to let go of#i will miss you dearly and i promise i won’t go back to you#i promise i won’t and we’ll leave each other’s lives like it never happened#it feels like i’d love you forever right now#we could’ve had one more moment together but you’d rather be by yourself crying#than cry in front of me#or be together with me#and tbh#i feel sorry for you#you’d rather do laundry than spend a little bit longer together with me in the last time we’ll ever be together#we’re strangers once again
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Give up
Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader
Summary: Once again you've found an excuse to invite your neighbor over, except for once you might be able to make him look past your age difference and have a little fun.
Warnings: big ass unspecified age gap, Jackson!Joel is a softie and he's nervous and he's not so very sure about this bc of how old he is + he's out of practice. smut| oral (m and f receiving) and swallowing you know what. sub!Joel vibez all around
Pt. 2
This wasn't anything new.
The fact that he was coming over wasn't at all surprising to either of you.
You always found a way to be around him, and no matter how he ignored your every attempt at flirting- he never said no.
It had taken all of two minutes.
You'd knocked on his door, your best little skirt and tight little top on, and faked a pout as you told him:
"There's something wrong with the shower again Mr. Miller"
To his defense, Joel really tried not to stare at your ass as you walked right in front of him to guide him to your house, but that fucking skirt seemed more of a joke than anything.
You both knew there was nothing wrong with your shower, the switch that granted the hot water had just mysteriously turned itself off once again.
This had been going on for months now, since he first arrived in Jackson... since you knocked at his door that one chilly morning to introduce yourself to your new neighbor-
All it took was one look, and you were hooked.
He was gonna be yours.
"there- 's hot" he nodded, shutting the water off once he'd made sure it worked properly again, before drying his hands on his pants.
"thank you so much Joel" you smiled wider than necessary "What can I do to thank you?"
And no, you didn't even try to make your words not sound dirty, quite the opposite actually.
He cleared his throat, his eyes breaking from yours in a nervous shift.
You always did that- had this annoying effect on him.
"'s nothing darlin'" he shook his head, "didn't even take five minutes"
"Still- I feel like I owe you," you said, biting down a smirk
Shitshitshit
"How 'bout some cake?" you suggested just as he was about to have a stroke.
"sounds good"
__ __ __
"'s real good darlin'"
"thank you" you smiled happily, watching him clear his plate in under a minute
Yeah... you were a great baker, what can I say
"you want another slice?"
"You spoil me sugar," he laughed, patting his belly "I can't"
"alright" You couldn't help but softly laugh as you placed his plate in the sink.
You caught him looking away just as you turned around, which made you smile to yourself, a smile that only widened when you noticed the chocolate on the corner of his mouth.
"Oh Joel"
"Mh?"
You sat beside him at the table, your legs brushing against one another as you leaned closer.
"You've got something... right here"
You swiped the chocolate off with your pointer finger, making a show of popping it into your mouth to clean it.
His eyes remained transfixed on you as your tongue licked your digit clean until you were finally done with a loud pop.
"Jesus"
"What?" you smirked, knowing exactly what "that gave you some ideas?"
"babygirl-" he stopped you immediately, shaking his head
"Oh c'mon Joel" you pouted, your hand going to rest on his forearm "What's a girl gotta do to get you to give up?"
He blinked, looking at you intently and nervously altogether.
"Why do ya even care about an old man like me sweetie?"
You couldn't help but laugh "Have you ever looked in a mirror, Joel?"
You swore you saw pink flood his cheeks- the man was blushing.
"Plus you're kind... and funny when you want to.... and you make me feel-" you bit your lip, trying to find the right word "safe... you make me feel safe"
He scratched his beard, but you couldn't help but notice he hadn't used the arm your hand was still on.
"'m sure there's boys here that are funnier and kinder and make you feel even safer babygirl" he spoke gently "Pretty sure most of them are prayin' you give 'em a chance actually"
You hummed, raising a brow
"but what if I don't want them?"
"You want an old man instead?" he huffed out a self-deprecating laugh.
You rolled your eyes "How old even are you?"
"old enough to be your father darlin'"
God, maybe there was something wrong with you, but those words only made your need for him burn harder.
"so?"
"so I ain't even supposed to look your way babygirl- it ain't right"
"But why?" you pouted "Shouldn't I get to have a say in what's right and wrong for me?"
He sighed, not really knowing what to answer to that.
"What if I don't care?" you spoke softly, your pointer finger on his chest, circling his pec "What if I like you, Joel? what if I wanted to show you just how much right now?"
"sweetheart" he started, shaking his head
"You'd stop me?"
And there it was, the pause... your way in.
"Joel?" you called for him, your voice sickly sweet "Would you?"
He couldn't do anything but tell the truth when you were looking at him like that.
"I don't think any man in his right mind could or would ever stop you darlin'"
Satisfaction took over your whole body.
"no?" you teased, grinning like a cat "Not even if he's old enough to be my father?"
He sighed, what looked like resignation in his eyes.
"I'm just a man sweetheart"
And that- that got him the biggest smirk ever known to man.
There was no sound, it was like the word got quiet as you stood up, placed your hands on his thighs, and slowly kneeled between his legs.
He didn't know what to do, he was genuinely frozen, torn between guilt and attraction, the need to let go, to finally do this- that his brain was short-circuiting.
You took advantage of his silence, making quick work of his zipper, and pulling down his boxers just enough to free his cock...
All your speculations got proven right there- he was huge.
"oh wow," you bit down a grin as you watched your fingers struggle to wrap around his whole base.
You gave him a tentative squeeze, and the strained groan rumbling from his chest was just about the hottest thing you'd ever heard.
"y-you- f-fuck"
You stopped him before he could start protesting, your tongue sliding slowly on his tip before leaving a little kiss right on top.
"You're so big" you hummed, your tongue licking him up from base to head, feeling every vein and twitch of his member.
He was looking down at you just as you looked at him, and he seemed... mesmerized, like he couldn't believe this was really happening, that this wasn't another one of the dreams he'd get about you at night, and that it was really your lips wrapping around him.
Goddamnit
You had barely a little more than his tip in your mouth and he was already gone- and I mean gone gone.
He couldn't even remember why he'd spent so long ignoring your not-so-subtle hints-
Just a minute ago he wanted to tell you that no, you don't gotta do that, and ask you sure about this? - But now... now all he could do was throw his head back as he realized that his lack of practice these past few years had really gotten to him, and that he already had to grab at the chair beneath him with all his strength as he tried not to come embarrassingly fast.
You hummed around his cock, and he couldn't stop his hips from thrusting upwards, a small choking sound fleeing your throat.
"goddamnit, 'm sorry baby-"
But the moment he looked down at you, he saw everything but anger... you seemed happy- you were begging him to do it again with your eyes.
But he couldn't, and part of you already knew that.
He shook his head slowly, still trying to think as straight as he could given the situation, but while he was busy with that... you settled for the next best thing... you forced his manhood down your throat all on your own.
The groan he let out was damn near feral.
You couldn't actually get all of it down there, it was the biggest dick you'd ever seen in your life after all, but you swore that with a little bit of practice (that he'd hopefully grant you), you'd get there.
Still, he didn't really seem bothered or in any way disappointed by your inability.
It was an indescribable feeling seeing this tough, rugged man shiver with pleasure before you, his eyes shut and knuckles white with the effort of gripping onto something.
"I- fuck"
He didn't even know what he wanted to say, he just... it felt so fucking good
Your head was back on bobbing up and down his length, and what used to be groans had turned to moans coming out of his mouth.
"Y-you've gotta-" he swallowed, his sentence interrupted by the feeling of your fingers playing with his balls.
"Y-you've got t-" to stop
But you were choking on his girth again
"I-'m gonna-" come
You watched him struggle with his words, his breathing, and his self-control with what would have been a huge smirk on your face if your mouth hadn't been so preoccupied.
You knew he was about to come already, it really wasn't hard to understand,
You also knew that if you stopped now there was a chance you'd get to do more later- but really, this was something too perfect to leave halfway done, and besides... you feared that if you went with your initial plan of straddling his lap and riding the man to heaven, you'd leave him traumatized.
So you didn't stop, you kept massaging his balls as you worked his dick in and out your mouth, ever so often forcing him as deep as you could and choking while drool and saliva dripped down your chin.
"J-Jesus, sweetheart- I-"
All his words came out in rugged breaths, barely coherent- his eyes were back on you, shadows of lust and need darkening his iris as his right hand went to your cheek, a gesture almost too sweet considering what you were doing.
"F-fuck"
And that was it.
He groaned so loud you probably could hear him from outside the house as he reached his climax, rope after rope of his come filling your mouth and throat.
Joel Miller had come in your mouth... and it couldn't have been any more perfect.
You didn't take your eyes off him for one second. You greedily swallowed all his spent as he breathed heavily, eyes still closed.
His dick was softening in your hand as you pulled his boxers back on top of it, a little wave of disappointment washing over your gut.
It's ok, I'll see it again soon
Just as you were plotting exactly how you were gonna get in his pants in the future, his voice startled you
"I-I don't know what to say"
A soft smile pulled at your lips
"You don't have to say anything" you reassured him as you sat back on your chair, your eyes inevitably falling back to where his boxers peeked from the unfasted fly.
"now- I won't keep you hostage any longer, 'm sure you have important stuff to do back at your house"
The frowns on his forehead deepened as his eyebrows came together in confusion.
"What?"
Now you were confused.
"I'm just saying- thank you for... this" You bit down a smile "You know how long I've been wanting it- and you can bet your ass we're doing it and more, again and again, and again" his eyes widened an almost imperceptible amount and you had to stifle a laugh "but... I'm letting you free for tonight"
He took his time to say something.
Silence wrapped around you for a good minute before he was able to mumble something.
"sweetheart-" he cleared his throat to try and clear his thoughts "I-I dunno how you're used to... bein' treated, but this ain't over"
A spark of excitement ignited in your belly
He couldn't mean...
"unless you want it to be, of course"
Oh my
"I definitely don't want it to be" you hastily spoke, almost breathless "but I would like to know what you... mean"
I mean, not to be prejudiced, but you very much doubted he could get it up again so quickly given his... well, age.
He cleared his throat again and you finally realized it was just a nervous tic and he didn't actually feel the need to.
"You should be on a bed" he avoided your question
You couldn't help but smile as you got up
"Such a gentleman"
"that's the last word that comes to mind right now" was all he grumbled
__ __ __
"sit"
that's all he said, and now there you were, sitting on your bed as he looked at you with a mix of lust and uncertainty.
Until he finally did it- he crouched between your legs.
He cleared his throat again, and you felt on the urge of cumbusting.
he was gonna eat you out
You'd only ever done this once, and even then you had to basically beg the guy, just for him to be god-awful at it.
Somehow you had a feeling Joel wasn't gonna be bad at all.
"You sure about this, yeah?"
You fought the urge to roll your eyes.
He could probably ask you to put it up your ass and you'd say yes.
"Yes Joel, I'm 100% positive"
He gave you a little nod, and his hands- his big, strong hands- went to your thighs.
You watched him as if he'd disappear at any moment as he slowly- oh so very slowly- took your skirt off.
He swallowed tightly as his eyes fell on your clothed cunt.
If you didn't know any better you would have guessed he was holding his breath as he got rid of your panties.
"Jesus Christ"
I shouldn't be doing this- I really shouldn't be fucking doing this.
She's not even half my age- she's a kid for god's sake- I'm fucking disgustin-
Every single thought in his mind turned to dust the moment you spread your legs- the moment your wet, drenched, pussy came fully into view.
"Y-you-"
he didn't even remember what he wanted to say- and he didn't remember when his thumb had decided to find your folds, but it had.
He heard a whimper leave your mouth and he felt his cock twitch in his pants, hardening again.
It usually took him a whole fucking hour to get hard again
He looked up at you, and you looked hotter than ever before.
Your cheeks were flushed, your bottom lip was between your teeth, and you looked so... perfect.
"I haven't done this in a- while"
As he spoke those words he hoped you'd think he only meant this... as if you'd actually care about how he hadn't gotten laid in years.
"'s ok Joel" you nodded, smiling encouragingly.
He swallowed again, his gaze slowly lowering.
He couldn't believe you were this wet for him- a pretty thing like you.
His thumb moved, gently sliding up and up and up, until he found your clit, earning another little moan.
Fuck
He circled the little bud, and your cries got a little higher and he swore- he swore going to hell was worth it, worth this.
He had to taste you- fuck, he'd been dreaming about the taste of you since he first saw you- So with all the carefulness in the word, he bent down, his lips finding your soft thighs.
He could see your belly inflate and deflate with your exited breaths as he kissed his way closer and closer to your heat, until he was right there, and he couldn't help but leave a kiss on your mound, on the hair covering it so very nicely.
"Joel-" your voice was strangled "please"
If it had been twenty years ago he would have said something cocky like "'s ok baby, it's coming", his whole demeanor would have been very different too. He used to be in charge in the bedroom, always- he used to feel smug and sure of himself, but now... now he was old and out of practice, and he was... he was nervous.
But all it took was to look up at you, at those beautiful pleading eyes, to find the courage.
You wanted this. You wanted him.
And you tasted better than he could have ever fucking imagined.
A deep, feral groan rumbled in his chest as his tongue passed between your folds, as he gathered all your slickness on his taste buds, all that sweet sweet juice that felt like fucking heaven.
Yeah, now I remember why I used to love this so much
You were moaning like a desperate little thing above him, your thighs squeezing his face as your feet clung to his torso.
And he was gripping the outside of your legs, keeping you as close to him as humanly possible, his face as deep in your core as it would go.
His nose was rubbing against your clit in a way that made you see stars, and he was still lapping, not focusing on anywhere in particular, just aimlessly and desperately feeding off of you.
"Oh my god Joel-" you gasped as two of his fingers found their way inside of you.
His movements were slow, he didn't wanna hurt you, and he wanted to find what made you feel good, which is why he kept exploring until his digits curled up into that sweet cushy part of you, and he felt you squeeze him as you threw your head back.
"f-fuck!"
Your left hand had traveled to his locks, gripping them tightly as your hips frantically moved against his face to try and seek more.
His mouth was focusing only on your clit now, thoroughly sucking on it- and just when you thought this couldn't get any better, that this was the most pleasure you'd ever experienced and there was no way he would be able to top this- another one of his big, thick fingers pushed into you.
The cry you let out was something Joel would be thinking of until he was six feet under.
Three of his fingers were so much more than what you were used to.
"J-Joel" you whimpered actual tears staining your vision as you looked down at him "Oh my fucking g-god Joel"
Your gut had been right. He was really fucking good at this
He was watching you, studying every little face you made as the squelching of his fingers moving inside of you filled the room together with your moans.
"I-I'm coming"
You could barely finish the sentence that the world went bright, and the purest pleasure you'd ever felt erupted in your body with a million different blasts.
For a whole minute, you were in another universe- and Joel eagerly enjoyed the show, not stopping his movements for even a fraction of a second.
You feared the moment you opened your eyes you'd wake up in your bed after yet another dream about this man- and yet he was still here, looking up at you with only adoration in his eyes.
He couldn't help but steal another little kiss on your core before he leaned away.
"well... wow" you smiled like an idiot, your breathing still a little labored "You know what you're doing Mr. Miller"
He didn't say anything, but you saw pink flush his cheeks again as he let your legs go, robbing you of his touch.
You would have been disappointed if it wasn't for the fact he was very clearly having trouble not having his gaze fall down to your heat.
You smiled to yourself as you accepted the skirt he quietly handed you.
Seeing you standing before him with it on when he knew you were bare and wet underneath made Joel's brain freeze for a moment, but that was of course, until you stood on your tiptoes, and placed a kiss on his cheek.
"thank you for this Joel"
Your voice was so sweet it sounded angelic to his ears- but the sweetness was replaced by something very different very quickly.
As you stood back down to your normal height, your body, being flushed against Joel's, came in contact with something that very much piqued your interest.
he was hard- very fucking hard
"no babygirl"
he was already shaking his head, crushing all your dreams
"but-"
"I can't" his tone was firm, although you could still hear restraint behind his words, like it was costing him a lot to say no.
"It feels to me like you very much can" you rebutted, smirking softly.
"I- it ain't right"
Oh my god
It took a lot not to roll your eyes "I thought we were past that whole thing" you said, cocking an eyebrow "Do I need to remind you what you were doing just a minute ago?"
"that's different"
"How?"
"it just is"
"what if I beg you Joel?" you purred, your best doe eyes looking up at him "What if I told you about how much I'd like to feel your cock inside of me? How desperate I am for it, Joel- how much I need it"
He was gonna go home and punch himself in the face for what he was about to say.
But it was true, he couldn't. It wasn't right- he needed... to think about it at least
"darlin'" he spoke softly "I can't... not right now"
there it is
The smirk that pulled at your lips was the most mischievous thing in the world.
"right now" you repeated his words, biting your lip as you played with the hem of his flannel "I can live with that- but Joel...don't even think this is over"
#anybody knows how to shut your brain up?#joel miller#joel miller smut#joel miller x reader#joel miller fluff#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller fic#joel miller fanfic#joel miller x fem!reader#joel miller x female reader#joel miller x y/n#joel miller x you#smut#pedro pascal#pedro pascal x reader#fluff#joel miller imagine#joel miller blurb#joel miller angst#fanfiction#the last of us#tlou#the last of us hbo#tlou hbo#joel miller x f!reader#sub!Joel#sub joel miller
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near the start of the essay ooooough this hits hard
(edit) a few more things i wanted to pull out:
(alt text in image description)
basically, supporting trans people means supporting trans men and that means you have to shift your paradigm to fit men into feminism. there's not an alternative
Is there a term for that phenomenon that happens when people tell transmen/transmascs not to go on testosterone/not to try to look more masculine because it'll make them ugly/fat/hairy/bald/whatever negative thing?
I know it's not transmisandry, but does it have a name or is it just general transphobia?
I mean surely that's not NOT transphobia? but I'm also not, like, in charge of how transmasculine people talk about stuff so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#im beginning to feel the sort of thing the author here is describing as ive passed my one year on T mark and i started it right after i#moved so most everyone here does NOT remember me much as a 'girl' though some do and im not cis passing at all#but yeah actually just like two days ago i was talking to a woman at a car shop and i was behaving as i always do and i felt like she was#really cold to me and i just assumed she was grumpy like thought nothing of it#until one of my friends who's mostly a girl and presents as one came in and the woman was so much kinder to her#and like idk this woman do what you like ofc#but it just startled me a little#because ive also seen flashes of that in public like women stepping away more than they used to#things that are hard to quantify even#and i think that's somethign that makes people doubt you#or they think you're criticizing women having feelings or defending themselves#im not#im saying that since most of my life and ALL of my growing up years were spent on that side of things it is saddening and isolating to find#yourself being on the other side of that (being the man who is perceived as the possible threat)#especially when 'the other side of that' is not actually any safer for you (i am not safe with cis men and i do not have the safeties that#privilege grants them)#and that's just one small thing but it extends much further#and i think so frequently the response to that is 'well you chose to be trans so cope. women will always be scared of men'#which is craaaazy reductionist reactionary and gender essentialist (also aren't we TRYING for a world where women aren't scared of men??)#like i don't think i need to tell the woman in the car shop that actually her marginal more kindness towards a girl than me is destroying#intracommunity feminism and doesn't she understand-- because for one she's probably transphobic (trust me i know the region) and for two#just way out of my line she's a complete stranger#WHAT I DO WANT when i tell these stories and what many others on this topic do as well#is for the response to not be 'fuck you cope' but to acknowledge that this is a real thing that a vulnerable group of people experience#and to try to build more community between people who feel alienated like this and those we feel alienated from#transmascs and transfems and cis women and nb people and gq people and any other marginalized gender expression are NOT ENEMIES#im saying man it sucks a little and it feels scary when you're used to a certain amount of societal support around you that you never even#noticed until now you're out and publicly living as transgender which is something already dangerous to be#and now you're feeling that support disappearing in front of your eyes and you didn't even know it was there until it was gone#like im perhaps describing it dramatically here for effect
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