#BC in my birthday month it would be nice to go to the states for a tattoo if I can

[shatterthefragments]

Omg poor mum trying to keep track of when I’m going to the city 😬

“I thought it was next week!”

“Yes it’s also next week” (and also the week after. And then two weeks after 😬)

[french-goodbye]

in the low lamplight

summary: your boyfriend is perfect, except for one tiny little detail.

warnings: conversations about sex; dry humping; consensual slapping and chocking; praise kink; fingering; p in v sex. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, 18+.

notes: i'm tired of experienced steve and virgin reader all the time. i want steve and confident slutty reader who's more experienced than him and blows his mind. also a little praise kink bc i feel like my boy would be insanely into that. also my first time writing smut!!! i! am! nervous! title from work song by hozier.

it's not that steve is bad in bed, it's quite the opposite actually. but he's just... extremely vanilla. and you totally get it. most of his sexual experiences were with young suburban girls in the back of his car or in his room when his parents weren't home. he was a couple of girls' first time and knowing steve, he probably put their own comfort above his wants. not probably, definitely.

you just wish he was... kinkier. nothing too intense, just something a little more exciting. and it's not that you don't get to cum, you totally do. he knows exactly how to move inside of you, the spots that make your body burn in need and he gives the best head ever, which is a nice bonus.

but after three months together and having sex everytime you have the opportunity to, because you're still in the honeymoon stage of the relationship, it's getting kinda repetitive. it's always missionary, maybe you on top if you're in a particularly bossy mood. but he nevers puts you on all fours or asks you to sit on his face or even sixty-nine. nothing.

you know steve's attracted to you (he isn't exactly shy to tell you how much) so you know that's not the issue, so you've tried so hard to subtly ask him to be rougher, you've tried placing his hand on your neck and squeezing, you've tried guiding his hands to your ass, but you've had no success so far. every single time he'll respectfully pull his hand away and press them to your shoulder or keep them there but not do anything.

but tonight. tonight is the night, you've decided. his parents are out of town (as usual) and it's just you two in the house, you've made sure he's free the whole day the tomorrow (no driving little shits around or shifts at the video store) so you'll have the whole friday night and the next day to yourselves.

you even splurged a bit and purchased a set of overpriced lingerie, way too expensive for just two little scraps of fabric and shaved, exfoliated and moisturized your entire body the night before. you still haven't approached the subject with him, but you've already planned a careful yet objective way to approach the subject and even practiced what you'd say in the mirror and bought a cosmo magazine. you're not exactly proud of yourself for that last one.

your plan is finally set in motion after you and steve get home from work and throw yourselves on his couch, half watching a movie and eat leftovers from the dinner you cooked the night before. when you're both done, you tell him you need a shower, where you use that lavender soap he likes and spray on the perfume he gave you on your birthday. after you're done, he's waiting in his room for you, halfheartedly flipping through the book you're currently reading.

"you can take your shower now" you tell him distractedly, holding the towel you've wrapped around yourself tightly to your body. he finally looks up and realizes your state of undress, his eyebrows shooting up.

"what are you doing?"

you stop going through your over night bag to throw him a confused look, "what are you talking about?"

"you used that soap i like, and that perfume i gave you that you only use on special occasions..." he stands up from the bed and stalks to you, watching you from narrowed eyes, like he's suspicious you're planning his murder. "what are you planning?"

you fake surprise, your hand coming up to clutch imaginary pearls. "me? why would i scheme something against my dear loving boyfriend?"

he looks at you unimpressed and you stand on your tip toes to rest your hands on his chest, his hands coming to support you on your waist and you whisper next to his ear, "okay, maybe i do have something planned... why don't you go take your shower and find out?"

he glances at you one last time before squeezing your waist and letting you go.

"fine..." he sighs dramatically, "i'll go"

once he's locked the door behind him, you put on your recently purchased underwear and bra on. you throw on one of his old highschool t-shirts since he once mentioned how much he likes seeing you wearing them.

by the time he gets out of the bathroom, a cloud of steam surrounding him, you're sitting on his bed, rubbing lotion on your legs and he's shirtless, wearing only gray sweatpants, that hang low on his hips, his hair half dry as he finishes towel drying it.

you tsk and shake your head disheartened. "oh- wow, okay, harrington"

he glances at you once and goes back to drying his hair. "huh?"

"the chest, the scandalous dick print..." you explain and gesticulate towards him. "are you trying to seduce me or something?"

"why are you looking at my dick? you interested?" your stomach burns with insinuation but you ignore him, simply tucking your lotion back into your bag.

"i mean... it's hard not to notice when you're whoring yourself around" you shrug with fake nonchalance.

he scoffs loudly at you, going back into the bathroom quickly to hang both of your towels and getting on your way when you're about to climb on the bed after having dropped your bag in the corner.

"i'm whoring myself?" he looms over you, hand resting on your shoulder to snap the strap of your bra that's peeking from his shirt "you're the one wearing a new bra babe."

you don't answer, simply slapping his hand away and climbing on the bed, intentionally giving him a peek of your ass as you finally sit near the foot of the bed, with your legs crossed.

"why don't you turn off the lights and come take a look?"

he earnestly complies, almost tripping on a sweater he left on the bedroom floor earlier that day as he does what you asked. he lights the lampshade on his bedside table and walk towards you, leaning down to reach you when you stop him.

"no" you say firmly. "go sit on the bed, near the headboard."

he complies, but not without giving you a look. "ooh, bossy"

you turn to watch him and can't help the spark that lights up in your tummy. he looks ridiculous attractive, hair fluffy from not being styled properly, his hairy chest all on display for you and his thick spread legs giving a privileged view of his dick in those sweatpants. it's almost criminal, but you swallow it down and keep going with your plan.

you crawl to him on all fours, purposefully, until you're between his legs.

"i don't know about bossing " you run a long manicured fingernail through his thick chest hair. "but i was thinking about something i'd like to try with you..." you only stop when your fingers are almost at his waistband and you swirl your fingers around his bellybutton. you glance at his face and he almost looks dazed, eyes following your finger avidly.

hook, line and sinker.

your boyfriend was almost too easy sometimes.

"yeah, babe... whatever you want" you hold back your laughter and finally climb on top of his legs, his eyes following the curve of your hips and your bare legs as you straddle him.

"how do you feel about chocking?" you ask, making his gaze shift to your face.

"chocking? are you serious?"

"yeah, i think it'd be really good to have your hands around my neck" his fingers dig tightly on your hips, but you can tell he's still unsure.

"what if i hurt you?"

"if it makes you feel better, we can have a safe word and we can immediately stop if one of us says it. no questions asked"

"what if you can't speak?"

"then i can just tap you three times, like this?" you demonstrate, tapping his shoulder. "is that okay?"

he nods quietly, so you ask: "what if i do it on you first so you know what it feels like?"

"yeah, sure"

you gently put your hands on his throat, not applying pressure yet, just resting there.

"you just have to make sure you squeeze the sides, not on top so you don't stop airflow" you explain, spreading your fingers so they're on each side of his throat and squeezing carefully. steve himself is more surprised than you when his breath stutters and he lets an almost groan out.

"did you like that?"

"fuck yeah, that's super hot" he tells you breathlessly, surprising you with a forceful kiss. he manages to distract you, his tongue slipping into your mouth and brushing against yours as his fingers squeeze your hips and start guiding you to grind on his lap. you let him call the shots for a moment, slowly moving your hips against his now half hard cock and sinking your fingers on his hair to scratch his scalp lovingly.

however, when his hands start to wander underneath your borrowed shirt you bite his lip softly, letting it slot back in place as you pull away.

he's about to complain, big brown eyes staring at you and almost pouting. you press your pointer finger to his lips, silencing him, hips still moving at a torturously slow pace against him.

"there's one more thing, actually" you move your finger away and trace his bottom lip carefully.

"more?" his eyebrows raise in question.

"what about you... i don't know, maybe you can be a rough with me? like slapping me a little bit"

"slapping?! babe, i don't wanna hurt you and i don't-"

"you slap my ass all the time!" you accuse him, reminding him of all the times you'd walk past him or bend down and he had slapped your butt teasingly.

"yeah, jokingly"

"babe, i trust you" you grip his face, forcing him to look at you. "i know you'd never hurt me if i didn't ask you to. i just think it'd be really hot, and who knows... maybe you'll like it too. and if you really don't like it we'll never speak of this again" you shrug, gently pushing his hair from his face.

"you sure?" you nod and press a quick kiss to his lips.

"if you wanna stop just say red, okay? anytime."

"yeah, i like that"

"you'll tell me if you wanna stop, right?" you press another quick kiss to his lips in thanks.

he nods eagerly "you too, okay? just say the word and we'll stop" you nod in agreement. "okay... but now what? do i just... jump right into it?"

"no... what about we start the way we always do before having sex?" you smirk, starting to move your hips in slow circular motions again and his hands slide down your back to slip under your t-shirt again.

he laughs huskily next to ear, making you shiver. "we're really good at that", his lips make contact with the skin of your neck, pressing open mouthed kisses there. you keep moving on top of him, hands sinking into his hair and keeping him there.

"fuck, steve" you whine when he sucks at a sensitive spot on your neck, his hands squeezing your thighs roughly, moulding fat like dough underneath his fingertips.

suddenly you feel a sharp sting on your backside as steve slaps your ass. you whine deep in your throat and your hips stutter in their rhythm against his lap.

"oh, you really like it when i do that"

"god, i do" you breathlessly tell him with a smile, tugging his hair harshly to guide him to your mouth. "you like this too, don't you? just wanna give me what i need, huh baby?"

"i do, i do. just want my girl to feel good" he whines against your mouth, while he spreads your ass and digs his fingers into your skin.

you kiss him some more, until you can feel his now hard cock against you, through the lace fabric of your underwear and his sweatpants. his hand lift up your t-shirt and carefully takes it off of you.

"god, you're gorgeous" you push on his chest gently until his back is against the headboard so you can show him the whole thing, from the intricate lace to the small straps keeping everything together. "you got this for me?" he teases you, his hands playing with your underwear, pulling it and letting it snap against the skin of your hip.

"yeah..." you answer distractedly, his cock rubbing in a very nice spot near your covered clit. his hand moves up to cup your breast, his thumb rubbing your pebbled nipple through your bra. "you like it?"

"fuck yeah, i love it" one of his hand cups your breast, while the other pushes the fabric of your bra down so he can pull and twist your nipple.

you're already a mess on top of him, feeling the wetness on your underwear sticking to your folds, when he lowers his head to suck your nipple into his mouth and his hand plays with your other breast. the nails of your left hand dig half crescent moons on his bare shoulders while the other tug on his hair to keep him there and your head drops back in pleasure.

his hand stops massaging your breasts and you're about to complain when you feel it start to slip down your stomach and hook under your underwear to rub his fingers through your wetness, his knuckles grazing your clit. you hold him tighter, a loud moan leaving your lips when he sinks two fingers inside of you.

"yes, yes, yes, baby" you whine, hiding your face in his hair as he realeases your nipple with a lewd pop.

"you're so fucking wet" he rasps against you and sucks a mark on the swell of your breast, pumping his fingers in and out of you as the palm of his hand rubbing on your clit everytime he moves. "god, you feel so good around my fingers. can't wait to have my dick inside you."

you're lost in the rhythm of it, his palm brushing your clit at every stroke, the feeling of his lips sucking on your chest and his hips bucking underneath yours occasionally. but you finally reach your peak when his free hand slips down your back and slaps your ass again, harder this time, palming it underneath his fingertips.

"that's it... come for me, baby" you pull him to your mouth again as you come down and he guides you through it, still feeling yourself clenching on his fingers as you twitch in his lap.

"god, you're so fucking hot" you whisper against his mouth, still breathless. "you're so good to me, baby. such a good boy"

suddenly, he's holding you tighter and manhandling you, roughly dropping you on your back and looming over you between your knees. before you can react, he's ripping off his sweatpants and throwing it on his bedroom floor.

he stands completely naked in front of you, helping you spread your legs. you eye him lustfully, from his mussed hair to his throbbing cock standing tall, the tip pink and dripping with a little pre cum.

"can i go down on you?" you ask him avidly, starting to lift yourself up but he stops you, holding your wrist above your body.

"nuh-uh, baby. i'm gonna blow my load if you do that" he denies and you giggle, about to complain when he licks the palm of his free hand and strokes himself one, two, three times, shutting you up real quick. he's starting to align himself with your entrance when you stop him.

"wait, wait" he stops immediately.

"what? what's wrong?"

"i want you from behind"

he groans, dropping his head on the curve of your neck and letting go of your wrists. "you really can't say shit like that to me if you want me to last"

you giggle and tap his shoulder sympathetically, "you'll live". you lightly scratch his back, sliding your hands from his shoulder to his lower back and wrap your legs around his hips, feeling the tip of his cock nudging your inner thigh. "now... why don't you put me on my knees, handsome?"

he quickly moves to reposition you, helping you lift yourself up and pushing your spine down gently when you get on your knees. you lower your torso all the way until your chest is pressed against his bedsheets, lifting your ass up.

"fuck, baby. you look so good like this" he says when he slots himself behind you.

"maybe you should listen to me more, harrington" you tease, looking at him from over your shoulder as he kneads your ass.

"maybe i should, pretty girl" he answers distractedly, and you feel his thumb spreading your entrance. "look at this pretty pussy"

you moan and try to wriggle in the hold he has on your hips, "steeeve-"

he laugh mockingly and starts rubbing the head of his cock against your folds. "you this desperate babe?"

before you can answer he starts sinking himself inside, both of you sighing at the feeling. when he's finally inside you can't help the moan that escapes you, his big cock filling you up beautifully and the stretch in this position making you feel so full. however, his strokes are slow and languid and while that's nice, it's not exactly what you need.

"come on, babe" you grumble, trying to rock your hips against his grip. "fuck me like you mean it"

he scoffs and speeds up, his hand wrapping around your hair to press your face against his mattress and to keep you still, changing the angle slightly and pressing right against your spot inside of you.

"is this how you want it?" he huffs, slapping you again.

"oh god, yes. right there!"

he pulls you up until you're both kneeling on the bed, his hips slapping against your ass. his free hand climbs up your chest until it's resting on your neck. "do you want-?"

"yes, i want it. please, please, choke me" you interrupt, begging him to keep going, begging him for more. his fingers carefully start squeezing you throat and you wrap your hand around his to guide him until the pressure is just right.

"squeezing my cock so tight, baby. should've told me you wanted this sooner."

you don't get to answer, his free hand suddenly slipping down to rub circles on your clit and you're gone, your orgasm hitting you like a fright train. he helps you ride it out, until you gently pull his hand away and bend down again, resting your weight on your elbows.

"your turn, baby" you tell him, tilting your head slightly so you can see him.

he starts babbling and pressing you harder against the bed, a clear sign that he's close himself. he bends down, his chest against your back until he can stretch his hand out to hold yours against the mattress and he can babble against your ear about how good you feel, how perfect you are for him, how much he loves being inside you.

"that's it, babe. you made me feel so good, it's your turn now" you tell him, still slightly breathless and sensitive around his cock. "please come, need you to come so bad"

"god, i'm gonna cum" and it's all it takes to feel him pull out and finish himself off on your back. you're both still for a second as you catch your breath and he squeezes your hand still intertwined in his gently. when you turn your face to the side to see him, he presses a kiss to your cheek.

he taps your hips gently as he gets up and goes to the bathroom, coming back quickly to wipe you and himself clean with a wet washcloth. when he's done he throws it on top of the rest of his dirty laundry, still thrown on his bedroom floor.

when he finally turns to you, you're finally laying on your back and getting comfortable on his pillow. steve throws himself next to you and his arms immediately wrap around your waist. you hug him back, guiding his head to rest on top of your bare chest, now littered with purpling marks.

"you had fun, pretty girl?"

"you couldn't tell?" you laughter, his head shaking slightly against your chest as you comb his hair away from his face and his breath against your skin.

"god, i'm obsessed with you" he complains, hiding his face on your boob. you laugh, gently coaxing his face away so you can see him.

"that's good," you smooth the messy hairs on his eyebrow. "i'm pretty obsessed with you too"

"we're pretty perfect for each other then"

"you should keep me forever" you tease, tracing his features gently. he presses a kiss to your sternum and gets comfortable against you.

"maybe i will"

it sounds like a pretty good deal.

[tinystepsforward]

automattic vs wp engine mastterpost

adrienne's GitHub recap is probably the best place to see a comprehensive timeline of what's going down. it's been kept up to date. my (very out of date) previous writeup is here.

what's happened/other links

Matt has not logged off, just switched platforms, so there's lots on X/Twitter, Reddit, and Hacker News. it's really not worth wading through.

WP Engine actually filed suit.

the complaint includes some truly remarkable screenshots of Matt trying to blackmail the CEO of WP Engine.

which... personally i would not happily work for someone who just blackmailed me while not even my boss, but that's just me. he hasn't denied this at all, in fact confirming on Hacker News:

I haven't doxxed any private texts from other parties like they have. [source]

and, notably,

I even invited her to my 40th birthday on Jan 11, another text message she decided not to share. [source]

this gives me the creeps. in the context of the rest of the way he's talking to her, and the ways in which he's interacted with women in general, it's. not great.

also he slid into an ex-employee (also a woman)'s DMs asking why she was being mean to him bc he'd never been nothing but nice to her, while also making legal threats. so y'know, pattern of behaviour.

a good writeup of the social side of things

if you don't care so much about the open-source stuff, Steph Lundberg's writeup is, like her previous one on Matt's Tumblr meltdown, pretty solid and people-focused.

Mullenweg has already demonstrated egregious lapses in judgment and abuses of power, it’s just that up until now he’s wielded his power against vulnerable populations without access to high-powered lawyers and their own massive platforms.

a more technical writeup

this one is melodramatic in the same ways Matt was (uses war terminology), which i don't agree with, and which led to some... internal arguments at Automattic. that part's not my story to tell, but a little more on that later. it's a solid writeup of the actual WordPress side of things. there's some seriously dodgy trademark behaviour going on here.

of note: this blogger locked comments on his post:

and then Matt, uh, found a way around that:

wild!

10% of Automattic leaves

that's a link to Matt's blog post. here's an Internet Archive link.

in short, staff were offered a severance deal of the higher of $30k or six months' salary. while that's very generous, it's still very risky in today's tech market, especially (for the same reasons i mentioned when Matt was melting down on here) for people outside the US, people who need the health insurance, or people with young kids. despite that, 10% decided with very little notice (they had two days to decide) to leave.

However now, I feel much lighter. I’m grateful and thankful for all the people who took the offer, and even more excited to work with those who turned down $126M to stay. As the kids say, LFG!

i'm thrilled to see some of my ex-colleagues make it out. i'm keeping the rest who have stayed on in my thoughts. i don't know anyone who's wholesale shilling for Matt.

Matt's been pressuring staff to post in support of him, @-ing the entire company to vote on Twitter polls in his favor, and so on. many of the people who stayed have written blog posts about it, all starting with "I stayed". people on social media have pointed out the very clear pattern of Automatticians jumping into discourse to defend Matt, and it doesn't look good.

i don't have a lot to say about those posts, except to highlight Jeffrey Zeldman, whose "I stayed" post is perhaps one of the more honest ones. (his Rodney King reference was in poor taste, and he... i don't like his role at automattic, tbc) but like. he's nearly 70. he helped shape the modern internet and develop its accessibility standards. he has often put his neck on the line for disabled staff who don't have as much clout as he does. given the financial troubles he talks about and the state of this market and how old he is, i personally have read between the lines of what he's saying in a particular way.

fuck, man. i'm sad. i'm sad for all my friends who are creaking under the strain and watching others leave but who can't do that. i'm sad that many of them are left in teams which are half-empty or divisions where significant senior leadership are just gone, with no time to document what they had in progress.

i'm sad for Josepha Haden Chomphosy, the former executive director of the WordPress Foundation, who was dealing with a personal emergency and ended up having to miss WordCamp US (where Matt started publicly starting shit with WPE). she came back from that to a gigantic fire in the community she's invested a decade of careful, Matt-negotiating, stewardship to, and decided to take the severance offer. she deserved better.

other things Matt's been up to

mostly linking to comments or posts which compile things here, bc it's too scattered otherwise.

blocking people from the official WordPress X account if they disapprove of his actions.

publicly talking about a vulnerability in ACF, a plugin WPE maintains, which could put thousands of sites at risk. this is not normal, and he met with so much horror even from current staff that he deleted his post.

saying he comes across badly because he's "a little ASD", which is driving me personally up the fucking wall. he's never once said it before and he really is turning into Temu Elon.

generally bragging that he still has more planned. jesus fucking christ

continually saying that WPE's suit is against WordPress.org and the community, which is not true. on which note, his pinned tweet is certainly something:

his choice of lawyer is uh. the kind of guy to defend nestle against literal child slaves.

as always, while i think WordPress crumbling will disproportionately affect websites in poorer parts of the world, there are certainly tyrants who are causing much more immediate and potent suffering. if you've read this far, please do send anything you have spare to gazafunds.com.

[verytiny]

please help me by reblogging

hi. i don’t usually do this. on the 23rd of november (roughly 3 weeks ago) i had a stroke (i’m 28 years old), was hospitalized bc of it as well as diagnosed as having multiple clots in my lungs (pulmonary emboli) & to top it all off, pneumonia. a few months ago i was diagnosed with fibromyalgia after struggling to get a diagnosis. & i’ve been dealing with managing my depression & anxiety for the past 10 years. i’ve been home for 2 weeks & it’s looking like i’ll be off work via doctor’s orders till at least mid january (maybe more if an extension is required depending on how i progress with the left sided weakness the stroke left me with). i used all of my sick pay hours last month, so obviously my check is going to be short the next month & possibly even delayed bc it’ll have to be sent back to be a pay cut. i’m lucky enough to have my parents helping me with regular bills but it’s still hard to get by during the holiday season bc i wanted to buy my family members xmas gifts for being so supportive during this scary chapter of my life. i also had to pay quite a bit of $ on the blood thinners i will now be on for 6 months to help prevent new clots from forming. i’m not asking for a large amount of donations & don’t have any goal in mind, it would just be nice to not have to worry/stress about just scraping by for the next month. i’m looking into applying for state disability as well! my birthday is also january 6th if you want to send a lil something for that so i can get a little treat, it would be greatly appreciated by me. even if you reblog this to get it around so others can donate a small amount i would love u so much for it <3

ca & pp both @ initialfriend

[sk8termikey]

Chapter 7 of 21 Questions

better interface on wattpad

"Your boyfriend texted!" Alex called for her best friend who was in the kitchen, as the phone lit up from a message from Matt🍂.

"My hands are full of batter girl, just tell me what he says and maybe reply for me if it looks important", Lily replied as she was cooking. "And drop the boy in front of friend, unless you put a fucking space between the words.

As she used her fingerprint to unlock Lily's phone, Alex looked at the notification – she didn't want to actually open the message in case it could wait, fearing that she might leave the boy on read. She had been joking for the past month about Lily and her new friend's relationship since she discovered that he went out of his way to send a picture to Lily. This had been enough proof for Alex to start teasing her best friend about a possible romance – pretty pictures of the sky were in fact Lily's love language. Both girls did know it was just for fun, the same way they would qualify famous people as theirs when it was their ultimate celebrity crush.

Furrowing her brows at the phone in front of her, Alex didn't know whether to qualify the text as important or not.

Matt🍂

If I asked you to hide a body for me, would you?

Alex went to the kitchen where Lily was and read her the text, which led to the brunette letting out a laugh.

"Oh my god this kid I swear to god". Lily couldn’t stop laughing as she thought about an answer. "This sounds semi important lol but just tell him that of course I am always down to hide a body, I know a few tricks."

Alex laughed as well – more to her friend's reply than the actual subject – and wrote back a message, trying to imitate Lily's writing style. The two girls influenced each other a lot regarding their texting habits and the way they spoke, thus making it easy for Alex to fake it. Before sending it, she thought it could be funny to actually hold a conversation with the mystery guy as she had only heard about him and still needed to check if he was a good person for Lily.

Matt🍂

If I asked you to hide a body for me, would you?

Heya, your girl's bestie here

Obviously she would

Dw ab it

Oh

Hi

Thanks for the reassurance haha

You're the famous Alex?

I am, yes💃🏻

Glad to know I'm known even in whatever state you're in

I'm here to check if you're legit bro

Check all you want

I like to think I'm a good person

Well

You did ask help to bury a body

This doesn't help your case

Well

According to you, your "bestie" would help my case

Nice one

Ig talking for a couple of months led to you guys knowing each other

Yeah, it's fun getting to know Lily

She's really kind and we get along well :)

Friendship test then

You ready for it?

Go ahead

Simple questions to see if you deserve the honour of taking her time

Her favourite colour?

I know this one

It's purple

But she told me she actually doesn't have lots of purple things in her life, mostly blue

Wow bonus points

Yes!

I'm sure I can manage the rest

We'll see, pokemon boy

Her favourite food?

One of the first things we talked about 

I remember bc I don't like sushi

So it's this and pizza i think 

I-

I'm gonna ignore you not liking sushi and give you the point

Hmm next question 

Do you know where we work?

Like our job

Yeah, a café right?

With books

She loves talking about it

She just loves talking about you in general because you're related to her passions 

And also being the closest person to her

Damn this girl is absolutely getting the best birthday ever

She deserves the world

Ig you pass the test matty boy

Ok what

Unsent

The fuck is this nickname coming from

Unsent

We're just chilling, no need to panic

Unsent

Cool cool cool

Wait i kinda need a retake tho

What

Why

Idk her birthday??

I don't think we ever talked about it

Oh

That just means you'll never steal my best friend title

But yeah it's next week actually

Well in less than a week technically like in 4 days

Thanks, I'll wish it to her then

You better

I'm gonna delete the last texts so that she gets your text as a surprise

Counting on you bro

Of course, I won't let you or her down

As she deleted the last dozens of messages between her and Matt, Alex then put down the phone and looked up to see Lily smiling at her.

"You were having fun?" Lily asked her best friend. "I couldn't hear you for ten minutes and you looked like you were having fun."

"Oh". Alex was almost embarrassed to be caught enjoying a conversation with her friend's new friend. She shrugged it off and slided the phone back to its owner. "Just checking if the kid deserves your friendship."

"And? What's the verdict, judge Alex?" Lily playfully teased.

"Well, I guess he's not that bad. I trust you and you would have dropped him if he wasn't someone you liked talking to."

Lily's smile grew bigger at Alex's replies and took her arm to lead her to the couch as they would watch TV while waiting for Lily's desserts to cook.

~~~

A few days later and on the eve of Lily's birthday, Alex had everything planned: she was prepared to give her best friend a wonderful twentieth birthday, starting the day before with their out-of-work-coming-back-to-home ritual. As always for the last months, Wednesday meant a new video from the Sturniolo Triplets and Alex had prepared a comfortable scenery for Lily. The couch had been specially opened as a bed, with several blankets carefully folded on it. Snacks were ready and dinner was on its way as Alex had ordered some of Lily's favourites, which were pizza and sushi – damn Matt did get it right, Alex thought back to her conversation with him a few days prior. She hoped he could be part of Lily's happiness tomorrow, and maybe for a while after. Lily had always wished for simple birthdays. The sheer fact of knowing the people she loved took the time to think of her on this day was enough to her. Lily only needed her favourite people around her; just a day spent with her loved ones was the only gift she wished for and this is what Alex tried to stay faithful to, although a couple of surprises felt deserved for the special occasion.

As usual, Lily was coming home almost an hour after the video came out and Alex wasted no time to welcome her friend at the door. She took Lily's bag to put it down and closed the door behind them.

"Now now, just do whatever I say and don't ask questions", Alex ordered Lily who could only comply. 

The blonde led her best friend to the bathroom and to Lily's surprise, a bath had been drawn along with a few candles. Pink bubbles could be seen floating on top of the bath and Lily couldn't help but smile. It had been a long day at work – one of those rude customers who were unable to accept that their order was not ready within two seconds after having asked for it – so the girl had been exhausted and her mood started to lift up due to this pleasant surprise.

"I don't want to see you for at least the next half hour", Alex warned her friend. "Enjoy this and stay in it until your skin gets fucking wrinkles, okay?"

Lily nodded with a quiet laugh and got ready to enter the bath as Alex left the room, not without putting on a bit of music to help Lily relax.

Exactly thirty-one minutes later did Lily go back downstairs to see Alex setting up the freshly arrived food on the table in the living room. Lily definitely appreciated the bath and the calm music, but she had felt lonely and only wanted to come back to her friend so that they could do their weekly tradition in honour of a new vlog or challenge from their favourite triplets.

Lily saw the TV already set up to play this day's video which was entitled Chris forced us all to do COLD PLUNGES – it sounded even more chaotic than the previous videos and Lily knew it was possible for them to achieve that.

The two girls sat on the couch and put the food between them as the video started. What was a given from the title is that the triplets were going to bathe in ice cold water and so they had to go to the supermarket to buy ice. As they didn’t find enough – well in Chris’s opinion, the youngest triplet decided to ask if they had more in the back when they were paying. Luckily for them, the cashier managed to bring them more ice, which Chris thanked him for as he put them all in his arms.

“Damn, I feel cold just watching him with all this ice,” Lily said as she shivered. She had always been prone to being cold and getting sick easily so she knew the whole video was going to make her feel uncomfortable even though she wasn’t the one doing the activity with them.

Alex laughed at her friend’s comment and they started laughing even more when Chris wished for more ice, thus getting his brothers to go to another store and ending with a cart full of ice per Chris’s request.

“Okay, this is definitely too much ice like I gotta agree with Nick on this one”, Alex said as she was matching Nick’s apprehensive expression.

“Yeah for real”, Lily approved. “Chris is gonna regret saying that it’s never too much.”

After the bathtub was filled with ice and ice cold water, the triplets were finally ready to do their “cold plunges” as Chris tried to motivate himself by having to pretend to be a can of pepsi. Funnily enough, there had actually been a can of pepsi right before this. Therefore, Chris was the first to go in and he did regret it as he was barely able to put his feet in the bathtub. Followed Nick who imitated Chris with a spider-like position above the bathtub but did not end up fully in – unlike Matt who absolutely did not care and managed to get most of his body in the water.

“I. Am. amazed right now”, Lily commented as she was curled like a ball with a blanket around her. “I don’t know how he accepted the idea and succeeded in doing that. I would surely want to kill my brothers for this crazy situation.”

Alex hummed in agreement with her best friend and they both gasped when a couple of minutes later, Nick also fully went into the bathtub. The two girls then started laughing along with Matt and Chris as Nick ran into the shower while being shocked from what he had just done. After the middle and youngest decided to give it one last try, Lily couldn’t help but comment:

“Wait, I just noticed, is Chris the only one without tattoos?”

“Yeah, Nick and Matt both have an almost full sleeve but Chris doesn’t have any for now”, Alex explained. “I don’t know if he’ll ever get one but he would look great with a couple honestly.”

“I totally agree. And I absolutely love Nick’s and Matt’s tattoos, I might have to look at them more clearly to get a few inspirations for if I ever decide to get tattooed.” Lily was in awe of the triplets at the moment: since she started to follow them, Lily had to admit that they were all good-looking and tattoos really added something to their charm. “Also if I can say, Matt is slaying with the beard.”

“Right?” Alex exclaimed. “That was such a good move from him and I hope he’s gonna keep it for a while.”

As the girls kept talking after watching the video, Lily was feeling so much better. The simple things like spending time with her favourite person and eating her favourite foods were all Lily could ask for to enjoy life.

The night being still young, the two girls decided to watch some of their favourite Disney movies, such as Cars or Inside Out. They had a passion for animated movies that quickly brought them together when their friendship had started and everytime a new movie would come out, they would go see it together at the cinema. Lily and Alex had had this routine for a few years and none of them would ever trade the way they lived.

It was finally the actual date of Lily's birthday. As she had already spent a really nice evening the day before with Alex, she wasn't expecting much when she woke up. Obviously, everyone at the café had been giving a day off as the four coworkers were planning to maybe hang out to celebrate Lily's twentieth birthday. 

As it had happened last year as well – since the two girls started living together, both Lily's and Alex's parents called her to wish her a good day and catch up on what was new. The two families had been close since the two became best friends and would often have get-together, even as Lily and Alex moved out from their family houses.

After an hour spent talking to her parents and "second" parents, Lily received a message from the group chat with her friends.

gc: Caffeine addicts💃🏻💃🏻

Alexxx🫶🏻

Okayy guys

Everyone meet at noon at our house

We're going out :))

Luke🌈

Will I drive the whole way or be able to leave my car at yours?

Bc if i do, i need gas💀

Alexxx🫶🏻

Well-

That'd be great bc I'm not making my bestie drive on her bday

I'll pay for it even

Or you drive our car idk

Luke🌈

Kk, I'll go now

And no need dw<3

I'll regret not having gas and forgetting in a few days i know myself

Jade🌱

I'll be there, see you soon!!

Why am I only learning ab it now??

Where are we even going like

What's the dress code??

Jade🌱

Wear smth normal

It's gonna be chill, don't overthink

Okay😭

@Alexxx🫶🏻 where are you btw?

Alexxx🫶🏻

Just went to give back a plate to the neighbour 

Yk she cooked us the muffins last week

Oooh ye i remember

Ig I'll get ready then

What Lily didn't know is that Alex was absolutely not at their neighbour's. The plate had been given back a few days ago already but Alex took the opportunity of Lily forgetting to use that excuse. In reality, the blonde was at the bakery to get the birthday cake she had ordered: Lily's favourite, which was a triple chocolate cake with some fresh fruits on the top.

~~~

When she came home, Alex was right on time as Lily was descending the stairs. Alex went up to her best friend to wish her happy birthday for the tenth time – she had already said it the day before as a pre-birthday celebration, then at midnight, then she had sent a couple of texts to Lily during the night. The two girls hugged for a few minutes then let go as it was almost time for their friends to arrive. The four of them were all used to being punctual so it wasn't a surprise when at five to twelve, the doorbell rang. Lucas had picked Jade up as they were living near each other. Lily being ready and Alex having prepared what she needed earlier in the morning, they all decided to go. As agreed, Lucas drove his three friends to the secret place – secret only to Lily obviously – and for the whole ride, he had let the birthday girl choose the music, which was a once in a blue moon occasion for Lucas was very picky with what type of music was played in his car. Well, today was a special day and Lily took advantage of it.

After a ride full of pop music, the four friends arrived at the Weeki Wachee Spring State Park. It was not just a simple park, but it was filled with attractions and animals, appealing to both children and adults. Alex had purchased tickets knowing how much Lily loved nature and just walking around while admiring the beauty of the world they had the chance to live in. Speaking of the devil, Lilt was ecstatic when she realised where they were. She had been wanting to go there for a while but never had the chance so she was really excited to finally visit it. The weather was perfect for a day out and Alex knew it was because her friend brought happiness and warmth everywhere she went, just like the sun would.

After checking in, the group let Jade guide them as she had been to the place a couple of times and knew exactly where to bring Lily to make her have the best day ever. Lucas had brought some food and so once in a while they would just sit on a bench to eat as they appreciated what Mother Nature gave them. For the whole afternoon, they simply walked around and as Lily was smiling at every turn, her three friends could only be happy as well that she was having an amazing day.

As they were leaving the park due to it closing and coming back to Lucas's car, Jade suddenly gasped.

"Oh my god fuck–"

"What's wrong?" Lily immediately asked, afraid that her friend was in trouble.

"Oh sorry, I was just looking for my cardigan in my bag. I was so sure I packed it," Jade explained.

"Wait, do you mean the one you had on yesterday?" Lucas tried to confirm. "The brown one?"

"How did you know?"

"I'm pretty sure I saw it on the couch in the break room", Lucas replied.

Jade faced her friend as if he had revealed the world's biggest secret to her. The sad expression on her face was enough for Lily to react.

"Well, tomorrow is your day off so that would mean you won't get it back till Saturday. We can get it before coming home if you want, it's on the way." Lily suggested as she didn't want one of her friends to experience an issue.

Jade quickly thanked Lily for offering and so they all decided to make a quick stop by their workplace. Little did Lily know, she was so predictable that this whole conversation had been rehearsed and planned by her friends. Indeed, they knew the brunette would never let Jade go home without her beloved cardigan – which was actually at the café, but Jade didn't give a fuck about it as she could literally come get it the next day even if she didn't have a shift. It was usual for one of them to just come to the café and act as a customer who was absolutely not working there.

When they arrived at the café, Lily was the first to leave the car and take her keys to open the door. She was fully expecting it to take five minutes maximum as she just needed to go into the break room, take the cardigan and come back outside so that her friends didn't have anything to do – which was still according to their plan. As a matter of fact, when Lily entered the main room where most of the chairs and tables were, she actually stopped in her tracks and wondered why some of the chairs were down. Had she forgotten to put them all on the tables when she closed yesterday? To be sure of what she thought she was seeing, Lily turned the light on and was faced with a surprise. Nothing could have prepared her for the huge sign that was reading HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY and the heart balloons over the counter.

Turning back to the door through which she entered, Lily was met with her friends all smiling and singing to her. How had she not seen it coming? Lily had just expected the afternoon at the park to be the only thing they had planned, along with a small diner back at her house. She was still harbouring a shocked expression when Alex quickly slipped behind her to go open the fridge and took out the cake she had bought this morning. As she lit up twenty candles on the cake, Alex, Jade and Lucas started again to sing to Lily. When the cake was put down on the only table without any chair on it, they all sat down and told Lily to make a wish, which she did while blowing out her candles. Following some laughter during the explanations of how Alex had lied this morning as well as how Lucas and Jade had come in early to decorate the café, the four friends enjoyed the cake and discussed some memories of previous birthdays they had experienced together. Although Jade and Lucas had only been working with Lily and Alex for less than two years, it was enough for the four of them to develop a close bond.

After they finished eating, Jade, Lucas and Alex went to the break room to retrieve the gifts they had for Lily – plus the brown cardigan that Jade remembered. They all gave their presents to Lily, who started crying when opening them – emotions are really overwhelming sometimes. Lucas had bought her new headphones as her old ones stopped working a few weeks ago. They were decorated with heart and flower stickers which Lily found adorable. Jade, as a fan of crafts, had made her a set composed of a mug, a plate and a bowl that were all painted with Lily's favourite colour. Finally, Alex had bought her a Care Bear – the "Tenderheart" one, which was perfect to symbolise the girls' relationship. Lily thanked them all for their friendship and told them how glad she was to have them in her life as she hugged them first individually then decided she wanted a group hug.

Lily would never trade her friends for anything else and as she came home with Alex after bidding goodbye to Jade and Lucas who had dropped them off, she realised that another friend of hers was starting to be also important to her. Indeed, as she hadn't checked her phone since they left the park, Lily saw that she had actually received a birthday message a few hours ago from her new friend Matt, which brought a smile onto her face.

Matt🍂

Hi, I hope you had/have a good day

Just wanted to wish you a happy birthday, enjoy your twenties :)

Thank you so much omgg<3

How do you even know?

I don't remember ever mentioning it

Or i just have a bad memory-

It was actually your friend alex who told me

When she replied to me a few days ago?

Ooooh

Makes sense

So, did you enjoy your day?

Yess it was so fun!!

My friends organised me a great day, i love them sm

Good to know

While we're at it, I need to know your birthday now

It's only fair🤷🏻‍♀️

Here we go

Unsent

Hmm ok ok a random date far enough from now

Unsent

Oh yes of course 

It's november 6

Not very soon

I'll remember it :))

It's a bit late for me rn so I won't stay up long but thanks again

It was nice to know you thought of me

No problem

You're kinda in my thoughts lately tbh

Oh

I've been binge watching gravity falls so yeah haha

Oh haha

A man of taste

You know me!

Well i won't keep you awake so have a good night

Thaanks, you too

Talk to you soon

Thank you for reading. Votes and comments are always appreciated if you like this story :) The story is co-written w @/little_grapejuice on wattpad

[morvantmortuary]

Sorry to hear you've had a rough day. Sending you good vibes and virtual hugs 🖤🖤🖤

thank you for this, darling, I super appreciate you thinking of me 🥰

some of it was honestly funny in hindsight? like, the two campus buses I have to take to get to work somehow stretched my commute into an hour each way

…I live ten minutes from my office 🙃

then I sent this job listing I really liked to the director of our professionalization committee for this year, which I knew wasn’t my exact specialization but I have other circumstances that made me think it would work, only for the director to explain I would be a super duper long shot (if I was considered at all) bc they’re actually looking for an MFA student but they didn’t outright say it in the listing

did I mention I switched to applying for my phd five years ago even though I originally wanted an mfa, I somehow thought a phd would be more practical

so then I went looking through all the job app websites I’m signed up for, and while I found a lot of openings for other specializations (ukrainian lit, italian lit, pre-1000 bce), I found maybe one or two for what’s considered the most general application of what I do

and they were both for military academies :’D which I really, uh, don’t want to work at

so then I was like “okay, boot and rally, it’s gonna be fine, let’s just finally get the committee together” and sent out an email being like “hey guys we still haven’t decided on a date to meet and it’s like month 2 of the semester, how about [x day]” bc I’m feeling really unsteady about my dissertation and I’m under a lot of pressure from my dad to finish as soon as possible, so I’ve been trying to get ahold of them for weeks now it feels like

only for my new chair to immediately be like “nope sry”

so then I got home (an hour later) (I still only live ten minutes away) and realized that I think my best friend since I was little forgot to send me a birthday present when she usually always remembers

which she’s not obligated to do obviously, we’re both adults and she’s had some stuff going on, but between that and the fact that the two friends whom I supported through their dissertation/defense periods have just, like, left - one is on the other side of the world, one might as well be - I just got feeling very lonely :’D as much as I love all my friends in my phone, it’s just kind of hard sometimes in meatspace. no one else in my family has been to graduate school before (hell, I’m the second person in my immediate family to graduate from college and the first to not fail out temporarily in the process) and sometimes I feel weird talking to my non-grad irl friends bc they treat me like I’m still in college/don’t have a real job yet (they don’t mean to, it’s just how people think of grad school in the states), so. yeah.

…and then the scary possession movie I rented to feel better turned out to be a conservative religious propaganda movie in disguise, which was just the cherry on top

(that’s the last time I rent a movie without checking imdb first)

but then the next day was better: my committee chair swung by my desk himself (we work across the hall from one another) and hung out and talked me through some of my biggest worries for a bit (and even said he liked my chapter, which was amazing bc I was afraid it was hot garbage), and my boss was really nice and gave me some cake balls from the local bakery for a belated birthday present (I can’t eat them due to food allergies but the thought counts!!), and I actually drove myself to work instead of taking one of the buses, which shouldn’t be a big deal but is for me bc I hate driving anywhere after a bad accident I had a few years ago :’D then my committee members emailed me like “hey how about next week!!” and I was like “oh phew okay” and found out one of them hasn’t been avoiding me, he’s just on teaching leave for the semester lmao (he’d sent me comments first and I hadn’t seen him since, so I was like “omg was it that bad” even though his comments were fairly chill) so I guess my lesson for the week is that I just need to be patient and let things work out

…then this morning I woke up with a migraine :’D but it’s not the worst one I’ve had so far, so. it evens out I guess!!

anyway, sorry to hurgle all this at you after your super nice ask, it’s just been A Lot. if you read this far, you’re a saint and I love you 😂🖤

cheers to the rest of this week looking better!! hopefully!!! knock on wood!!!

[rainypebble07]

Just finished the story ♡

I'm so glad Mike figured his shit out, and just in time. A shame Will got caught in the crossfire of his denial bubble implosing. It's hopefully the last time that poor boy gets pushed to the ground.

Kinda wondering obsessively about the behind the scenes here. How did Mike react to the lost of half of Will's paintings? Did everything eventually get replaced? How was Will during the months before the shops were combined? It was implied that Mike helped him through something by being his rock.

I'm sorry, i know thats a lot of questions I'm probably being annoying lmao

Spoilers for my fic, It Wasn't A Bad Thing (Rewritten) ahead! Also CW bc I kinda go into some stuff about mental health and I mention suicide in the third to last paragraph

No no no, not annoying at all! This is the kind of stuff I love talking about! Seriously!! (And if anyone's annoying it's me. Do you see how much I wrote?)

First, I'm glad you liked it! I don't often get people talking about it, so this was super nice!

Ugh, and I'm just happy everyone got to figure out their stuff in the end (even if Mike was fashionably late). I wanted to write a story where everyone had a little different problem, but they were all sort of figuring themselves out, right? Mike's figuring out his sexuality, Jane's figuring out if what she's putting people through is really worth it (And side note: it was very important to me that El had a conflict in this story too and that she wasn't necessarily in the right bc I think her role in why Mileven is a bad relationship is often overlooked in the show and I wanted her to be able to figure out that sort of thing), and Will's figuring out how to go about wanting something he thinks he can't have. And then I wanted all the conflicts to kind of clash together at the end, but then they help each other out and get the (sorta) happy ending they deserve! (Sorry about the random explanation, I do seriously love to talk about this stuff)

And your questions about everything that wasn't mentioned before the epilogue were actually really good! There was a lot that was sort of left up to imagination (and a lot still to be fixed) that happened after the big conflict and before the end, so I get it lol. Fortunately, I've thought about it before!

I like to think that all of Will's stuff was replaced. I mean, he couldn't have done half his job without it. Rest assured he was gifted a new microwave from Mike for his birthday (not an antique one, so unfortunately less colorful, but it does the same job). And speaking of Mike, he'd obviously feel really bad about the fact that all Will's stuff was ruined (I think Will would try to keep it from him, but Robin already mentioned it over the phone, so there's really no way to do that now). He'd try his best to help replace what he could because he sort of thinks it's his fault (and Will's like absolutely not, you are not replacing my things for me), but Mike would very much end up doing it anyway. And Will can't really get his paintings back, but he makes a lot of new ones!

And I think there was probably a lot to unpack after the big conflict. Like, everyone's learning to live with these new discoveries about themselves and everything that did happen that night didn't immediately go away the next morning. Will never thought very highly of himself in the first place and what Mike said would stick with him. Even though they made up by the end of the event, I think it would take a while for Mike to fully gain Will's trust again. And also the fact that Will was out on that bridge (he said he never actually planned on jumping, but obviously he was thinking about it) was probably looming not only over his own head, but Mike's too (I doubt they really shared that detail with everyone- maybe just El, but they both got some well-deserved therapy afterward). Just the overall mental state of everyone would probably not be at its best, but Mike and Will are figuring stuff out together now (and obviously El and Mike made up eventually and forgave each other, so she's in the picture too). Not to mention, Mike's not at all used to living as an openly gay man, so Will helps him adjust to that too!

After a couple months, Will would move into Mike's big-ass apartment and sell his so they have some funds for combining the shops (which was Mike's idea, but Will was completely on-board). As for still making money while construction's happening, they probably found some other place to sell some stuff (maybe even just an outside booth in a park, Will can't really give tattoos for a while, but he can do commissions!) Their friends would also try to help fund the construction. Mike's the most well-off out of all of them though, and I like to think he made amends with his family after talking to Nancy more and his parents would eventually totally support the idea of the shop (it might have taken a while for them to come around, but they would. I mean, we saw that Karen was still trying to reach out to him so there's some initiative there).

And then they open the shop and that's the epilogue and they live happily ever after the end. (And sorry I wrote so much, I had a lot a lot to say! Hopefully, it wasn't a completely useless read to you, so have a wonderful wonderful day/night/whenever)

[georgieluz]

9, 20, and 23 for the end of the year asks!! 😁💖✨

hello :) thanks for the asks and i'm so sorry this has taken so long to answer (i answered these on the 27th but bc i got sick i was basically offline the whole time and it sat in my drafts)

9. best month for you this year?

okay, this is a tough one because a lot of the months of the year kinda merged together and feel like one big month, and a lot of this year hasn't been amazing for me. i'd probably say may was the best though. i took a trip with my best friends, visited an otter sanctuary, had my birthday weekend off from work and had a pretty nice time considering i don't usually enjoy my birthdays

20. what’s something you learned this year?

this is going to sound negative, but it's something important that i've had to learn and accept. basically that no matter how well i'm doing in regards to depression and other issues, i can always fall back into a really bad place. at any time, and i don't need something specific to happen to send me back there, sometimes it will just happen. "feeling better" isn't going to be a permanent state for me and i think i learnt that depressive cycles will always affect me, pretty severely, but i just have to know how to pull myself out

23. if you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be?

apply for that perfect job you saw and let slip by

for the end of year ask game

[eggs-can-draw]

firedemongaming: pretty sure, because of Byakuya, naegirigami doesn't have a closet but a spare house each just for clothes. Byakuya is just extra like that

me: he was just having an Ariana Grande moment "bought a crib just for the closet, both his and hers, I want it, I got it" /paraphrasing and it'll be more embarrassing if I am correct than if I'm wrong

tbh the levels of extra-ness sometimes leave a bad taste in my mouth, being wasteful in a post-apocalyptic setting is not looking good. Just getting stuck up again instead of letting things be fictional ig, but there's this "they don't need a house this big" or "why so many vehicles? when the air is recovering from the Tragedy too? And they usually drive together anyway?" things like that. And Shuichi still being an heir to the Togami corp in the end, like, he's not going in that direction talent wise, I don't think he's going to be involved the way Byakuya is, might stay the owner but won't act as CEO, might sell it and spend the money. I'm wondering about those things, because it just rubs me the wrong way for anyone to have this kind of wealth or power, but they do need it to defeat FF and I don't know...

firedemongaming: the main problem with irl billionaires is they just hoard the wealth. occasionally passing it amongst themselves so even if his financial decisions seem wasteful, it's ultimately healthier for the economy than him just not using it and naegi and kirigiri would definitely make sure that he used some of his money for good as well for every wasteful decision

me: okay, the last bit does make me feel better, bc I know about the issue, but still felt like due to the state of the world he should be putting that money elsewhere, not saying he can't have luxuries, but more like instead of having many extra cars and jets and using his wealth to get access to things others can't for his family he could be investing in rebuilding the world

firedemongaming: as for the pollution bit, udg demonstrates that electric vehicles are the most common post tragedy and, given the environmental situation, I feel that sustainable, renewable clean energies would have been the first to reappear and, as a result, gained the monopoly fossil fuels hold in our world. The source for this bit is the sheer amount of electric cars we encounter. pretty much all the cars are electric (hence their movability with the move bullet) even the already destroyed cars we see are electric. I recon they'd try to enforce a 1 to 1 charity to luxury ratio, Byakuya doesn't quite understand why they do but he knows it makes them happy so he agrees

me: they tell him it's "Investing in Shuichi's future" and he's ready to make the sum double

firedemongaming: he's ready to make it double just because it makes them happy, if they told him that he'd probably tenfold it. He eventually starts making a massive donation on each of their birthdays (probably a month's worth of his salary), he originally started doing this because one of them asked him to make a small donation and fortunately for the charities. his extra-ness with cash applies to that as well XD

Yin: Makoto at a charity that he 100% believes in: I normally don't use my husband's money, but there can be exceptions Kyoko: you are such a house husband Makoto getting flustered: using his money for good things feel nice! and he told me I could do this!

Yeah I have a lot of thoughts on the like. Excessiveness of the spending. I didn’t interject at the time because I was doing stuff (still watching tho, I’m always watching)but tldr the overly excessive spending exists in jokeland in my head. Like. Yeah Togami can be a big spender but he knows how not to go overboard. Yeah the house is a bit big but not like 25 staircases in law suite private jet bug yknow? It puts me off a little too

[withleeknow]

oh I was absolutely NOT prepared for the ultimate soft-skz hours in the new ep. THE PAWS AND THEIR HAIRSTYLES WTFFFF. mimo's bear ears have me non-stop pouting:'( that coupled with ot7 bangtan hours this week - the way all platforms imploded after seeing yoongi's face like 🥺🥺 THAT'S OUR BOYYYY the impact of one photo on a whole fandoms' collective emotional state is insane

speaking of which (kinda), is the coldplay concert this weekend? hope you have the BEST TIME SINGING YOUR LUNGS OUT <3 also the fact this aligned so nicely w/ festa/your bday (idk why but this makes me so vicariously(?) happy ^-^) ♡

husband update: https://tinyurl.com/mr23s8pa the contrast b/w his vocals and jyp's is sending me ANYWHOMST-

also another present for your safe travels - https://we.tl/t-wj8V02Xdyg it's the sandwich of all sandwiches (not microwave safe) + I malfunctioned compiling this one 🫡

HELLO HELLO ONIGIRI HOW R U I'M FINALLY BACK HOME. HAVE THIS VIDEO OF ONE OF THE GREATEST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE (no joke) ❗️THE COLDPLAY CONCERT WAS FUCKING AMAZING. i genuinely, genuinely think that it's the best concert i will ever go to in this lifetime. it changed my life, and i don't think that's an exaggeration lol. so many things happening this month have made me so happy and i must say this takes the cake. it's like the perfect belated birthday present that me of last year gave me of right now 😭 they absolutely killed it and i loved it so, so much. nothing will ever top a coldplay concert for me. at my show, they sang an unreleased song live for the first time ever and it was so special and i will always have that memory and honestly i am tearing up rn just typing this and reminiscing last night lol. god. if you ever have the chance to go see coldplay, i would 10000% recommend it you will not regret it. i also filmed the entirety of my universe but tumblr won't let me attach 2 vids in one ask so maybe i'll add it in the next one lol

mimo in the new ep and yoongi reveal 😭 those two things happening back to back devastated me beyond repair. can you believe we finally got a boongi face reveal 😭 i've missed him so much. i still haven't watched the latest suchwita ep bc i know i'll just bawl my eyes out

yo i can't even focus on jypapi's voice bc what on god's green earth is this look... that is... an actual... husband... right there... the hair !! oh my god. if i start daydreaming about another man just know that it's on you. this is why i keep forgetting that he's younger than me bc how does he just look like that then??

the whiplash from husband to the other end of the sandwich bc WHAT is that !?!?!? the hair the glasses the shoulders... heeseung has always been very summer fling coded to me lmao and this is just further cements that concept in my brain. have i told you how much i dig this hair color bc it's really, really, really working for me...

[whumpsday]

Kane & Jim #25: Happy Birthday

Masterlist

content: vampire whumper, defiant whumpee, captivity

so understanding part 2 will be coming next, i realized this needed to be first bc the events will be referenced in the next part, lol. this is a bit of a short one, my shortest chapter yet i think. next one will be far longer.

takes place about half a year into jim’s captivity, a couple months after his first escape attempt.

-

Jim hated it here.

Kane had gotten much more violent since his doomed escape attempt. It seemed like the vampire was getting more and more frustrated with him, that every other word out of his mouth was wrong. Jim had always been told he had no brain-to-mouth filter, and now it was biting him in the ass.

He hadn’t so much as seen another person besides Kane in months, and it was starting to drive him mad. He just wanted someone to talk to, someone who didn’t hurt him, who he didn’t have to be afraid of. But here he was, all alone. He might be all alone for the rest of his life.

And his birthday was tomorrow.

Jim hadn’t really done much for his birthday in a good few years, to be honest. Ever since his parents died, money had been tight, and he’d rather spend anything extra on Liz than on a party for himself. She was just a kid, after all. But he’d usually go to the arcade with some friends and then have dinner with Liz, and it was nice. Just being with people he loved. Liz would make a terrible cake that he’d pretend to enjoy, and even though the cake was bad, his smile was genuine.

But not this year. This year he was going to have his neck bitten, his blood drained, and then spend the entire night with the vampire holding him captive, without so much as a “happy birthday”. No seeing his friends or family. Maybe he’d even get roughed up if he was unlucky enough.

Yeah, not worth a “happy birthday” anyway. He wasn’t happy very often these days.

“Stop fucking glaring at me, human. Know your place.” Kane snapped, looking up from his book with a scowl.

“Huh?” Jim had ostensibly been re-watching one of Kane’s VHS tapes, but had zoned out to wallow in his own misery. He’d been glaring at Kane from the other end of the couch without even realizing it.

“What’s your problem? You’ve been acting strange all day.” Kane continued.

Jim was lucky. Kane wasn’t in a bad mood today. Another day, he’d have been hit for sure. Jim had been in fights before, but vampires hit hard.

“If you’ve gotta know, it’s my birthday tomorrow.” Jim answered.

“Oh. March third.” Kane didn’t sound angry or condescending, for once. He sounded... sad. After a pause, he added, “How old are you turning?”

“Twenty.” He’d been looking forward to it, before. Finally out of his teens. Nothing much to celebrate now.

“What do humans do for birthdays?” Kane asked.

Jim shrugged. “Cake. Presents. Spend time with loved ones. You know, all the things I can’t do trapped in here.”

Ah. Spoke without thinking again. Here it comes. Jim tensed up in anticipation.

But Kane didn’t approach. “I get you presents all the time.” he argued. “All your things are from me.”

“That’s not presents.” Jim was feeling bold. Kane had been chill so far today. “That’s just, like, what I need to survive.”

Like taking care of a pet.

Jim quickly discarded the thought. No, he wasn’t going there. “And some other stuff I ask for. It’s not a present if I write it on a shopping list.”

“Most humans don’t get to make any requests, you know.” Kane retorted. “Not that they have the state of mind to do it in the first place.”

Jim rolled his eyes. Kane loved to bring up the fact that Jim was unhypnotized. The worst part was that most of the time, it didn’t even seem like Kane was doing it as a things-could-be-worse argument like he was now. Most of the time, Kane seemed to be talking to himself about it, like Jim wasn’t worth the consideration, jealousy seeping through his words. As if it wasn’t enough to take Jim’s entire life away, Kane wished to take his very mind from him.

“I get it. Forget I fucking said anything.” Jim grumbled, seething.

Kane stood up, lightning fast, hand clenched into a fist. Jim flinched.

“Go to your room. Now.” Kane commanded.

He obeyed, slinking off to relative safety.

-

Jim woke up depressed.

Happy birthday to me, he thought, laying in his bed.

Usually, he’d get up and make breakfast for himself. He always felt extra dizzy if Kane fed from him before he’d had a chance to eat and drink. But he just didn’t feel like it. He wished he could just have a lazy day in without worrying about the consequences of blood loss, especially on his birthday.

Kane unlocked the door after what Jim would estimate as a good half-hour. He pulled the covers over his head and groaned.

“Come on. Up.” Kane ordered.

Jim was thankful that he didn’t sound angry about it. That was two nights in a row, now. But he wished Kane didn’t say it like he was talking to a fucking dog.

“Fine.” He threw his blanket off and knelt, tilting his head just like he knew he was supposed to. At least Kane had finally been getting the hang of feeding. It still hurt terribly having the same wound re-opened night after night, the flesh around the area always angry and red and purple, but it was a lot better than how it’d been when Kane was still learning.

First neck bite of my twenties, Jim thought bitterly as Kane fed. He sucked in a sharp gasp as Kane pulled his fangs out. It was still hard to get used to the feeling of it, even after months here.

“I’m just gonna stay in here today.” Jim said after Kane licked the wound closed.

“Oh. Okay. Just come out for a minute, I have something for you.” Kane said, motioning for him to follow.

Jim followed, swaying a little on his feet, only to be stunned when he was greeted by an entire chocolate cake waiting on the table in the living room. It looked fancy, like the kind you would buy from a really nice bakery.

“That’s for me?” he asked.

Kane raised an eyebrow. “I’m certainly not going to eat any of it.” Duh. “I got some new movies for you as well. They’re in the cabinet with the other VHS tapes.”

“HOLY SHIT, SERIOUSLY?” Jim exclaimed, forgetting entirely about the cake and rushing over to check out the new material. It was all stuff he’d never heard of. More vampire movies. He’d been re-watching the same few tapes Kane owned for months, and was ecstatic to get something new.

He grabbed one immediately. “Can we watch it now?”

“Sure.” Kane sat in his usual spot on the left end of the couch.

Jim quickly ran back to the human quarters to grab a plate, knife, and fork, his woes momentarily forgotten. After cutting himself a slice of cake, he popped the tape in and sat on the opposite end of the couch to munch away. His hands were shaking from the low blood sugar, so it was good that he was eating cake for breakfast, he figured.

“Happy birthday.” Kane said.

“...Thanks.” Jim didn’t want to thank him. He wouldn’t have been grateful for new VHS tapes at all if he wasn’t held captive in this stupid fancy house. But he couldn’t think of anything else to say. “When’s your birthday?” he asked, mildly curious.

Kane’s mood change was instant, his vaguely amicable demeanor turning icy. “Shut the fuck up. Don’t talk about my fucking birthday.” He had that sharp warning tone he always used before he’d get violent.

“Okay, okay, sorry.” Jim conceded, tensing up. He didn’t even know what he’d said wrong.

“Whatever.” Kane mumbled.

Jim slowly relaxed as it became apparent Kane was over it. He wished he was home, spending his birthday with his friends and Liz.

But for the first time since Jim had been brought here, things were a little bit okay.

-

canon drabbles posted between #24 and #25:

Dog

Light & Laughter

Midday Snack

Greatest Wish (cw: death wish)

Five Minutes (cw: gore)

taglist:

@badluck990

@ceph-the-writing-spook

@cicatrix-energy

@crying-wings

@crystalquartzwhump

@cupcakes-and-pain

@cyberneticfire

@darlingwhump

@deluxewhump

@down-in-the-whumps

@elrysdoesstuff

@extemporary-whump

@extrabitterbrain

@harri-00

@inpainandsuffering

@interdimensional-chaos

@kira-the-whump-enthusiast

@lactose-intolerant-egg

@lilac-and-lemon-whumps

@littlespacecastle

@little-whumpee

@melancholy-in-the-morning

@myhusbandsasemni

@mylifeisonthebookshelf

@neverthelass

@nicolepascaline

@nine-tailed-whump

@no-terms-and-conditions-apply

@octopus-reactivated

@oddsconvert

@onlybadendings

@pumpkin-spice-whump

@quietly-by-myself

@quirkykayleetam

@ramadiiiisme

@redwhump

@scp-1296

@secretwhumplair

@thecyrulik

@thegreatwhodini

@themarlo

@whump-cravings

@whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump

@whump-me-all-night-long

@whumpthisway

@whumpilicious

@whumpshaped

@whumpwillow

@whumpworld

@whumpy-writings

@whumpyzombie

@wits-and-wrongs

@wolfeyedwitch

[syuga-s]

feelings are a fickle thing

w.c 15.2 k pairing. Jungkook x gn!reader, Yoongi x gn!reader genre. PURE ANGST bc I'm f*cking insane, suggestive themes, ANGST! a/n. MDNI!!!!! I throw some curses here and there, mention of the word “sex”. this is not inspired by Jungkook or Yoongi whatsoever, they're just my in my brain 24/7 and thought they'd fit well in here. Jaehyun and Yugyeom cameo!! I truly apologize bc this is not a nice story, it's full of immature (wounded) ppl that don't understand themselves, there are no ill intentions but it's just very messy.

Ever since you took Jungkook with you to Olivia’s birthday, all of your best friends haven’t stopped asking about him.

You met Jungkook in college. You hadn't come across him until your spring semester, but you officially became friends when you were sophomores. (around the time he started taking the same classes as you). Soon you became close friends and every free period was spent together.

Classes were over for the day? Time to go get some drinks with Jungkook. You didn’t eat breakfast today? Jungkook would take you to the nearest café just so you could grab something. You had time to kill until you had to go to your extracurriculars? No matter how many hours, Jungkook would stay just talking with you.

It’s safe to say you did everything with him. There were even times when instead of going out with your best friends, you would make plans together, just the two of you. You just fit together with him so well.

Of course, both of you had your own lives outside your friendship. It never crossed your mind why you would never talk about if you were dating or something. But you felt it would be better not to pry into his love life; simply because you didn’t want him to ask you about yours either. It was like some unspoken agreement. You made sure not to talk about the drama outside your friendship under no circumstances, it was better for both.

Keeping everything fun.

Two years into your friendship, other people started questioning the nature of your relationship. Every classmate was so sure that he was in love with you or that you were in fact going out. For (both) your sake, you just ignored them. You refused to be awkward about the closeness you had built with Jungkook. Moreover, you wanted to avoid ruining your friendship for that matter.

But your feelings changed once you graduated.

In the blink of an eye, you got yourself an internship in another state and had to move. In just a few weeks, you were already more than 2,000 miles away, but you certainly didn’t stop talking to Jungkook. Naturally, every day you were apart, it made you miss him more. Your conversations remained uninterrupted, day after day. Both of you texted non-stop. And when you weren’t texting, it was because you were already on a call or face-timing. Not for a moment did you get tired of telling him about your day and every little detail about your mundane activities.

And it turned out to be the same for him. He was always excited to hear how was your day. Just by talking to him and hearing you say, “I’ve been dying to tell you this all day!” made his whole week.

You weren’t even going to stay there permanently. He knew you were going to come back in a few months, still, he felt like part of him was gone for good.

Around three months had passed, and he needed to see you asap. One day, you told him you were craving one of the rum and cokes he used to sneak in when you were in college. And that was it, the perfect excuse for him to make a quick trip to see you for the weekend. The fact that you were like 40 hours away didn’t stop him whatsoever.

After that, you realized how good he was at surprises. You had absolutely no clue that he would fly to you. He had your schedule memorized, so he knew you wouldn’t be busy once he arrived. And well, he had actually asked you in the past days what were you going to do on the weekend, just to be extra sure.

”nothing really, you know I still feel like an outsider around my coworkers lmao, I’ll probably have a few drinks while I watch a movie”, “why do u ask?”

“I wanted to face-time you, we can drink together then 👍”

Just like that, his plan had been accepted, authorized, ratified and ready to be implemented. He could only hope for you to be happy to see him after all these months.

His flight would depart Friday at 5 a.m. and he asked Jaehyun and Yugyeom a few days ago if they could give him a ride to the airport. He asked them to stay at his place the day before, and they didn’t waste any chance on teasing him once they arrived at his apartment.

“The lengths you go for love, couldn’t be me”

“Dude, at least tell me you’re already together or something”

“I can’t believe you’re traveling that far, man”

“They’re my friend, I want to see them”

“Yeah, your friend without benefits.” The silence after that lasted for a few minutes, and there was a smug smile plastered all over Yugyeom’s face. It screamed that he was pleased with himself and his remark.

Jungkook was confident about what he was doing. The only thing in his head was that he wanted to see you. It didn’t have to mean something else. He didn’t have any other intentions. He just wanted to be with you, like when you were back in college. You had been part of his life for almost 4 years, and now he had the chance to go see you, so why wouldn’t he do it?

He kept speaking with his two friends about his plan and aside from their bantering, they were actually happy for him. They didn’t mention it in front of him, but they could physically see he felt different about you. Jaehyun admired everything he had done for him to drop everything for a few days just to spend them with someone whom he had yet to admit he had feelings for.

Yugyeom didn’t buy either that you were just friends, but he was supporting Jungkook nonetheless.

It was time to get some sleep, and he couldn’t close his eyes. He started getting nervous about how would he spend the weekend with you? That was the only thing he didn’t think through. His head was running in circles. Already 3 a.m. and he didn’t get any rest whatsoever. As he was showering, he had an epiphany. How could he not think about it sooner? He was determined on taking you to all the touristy places you wanted to go but haven’t been able to since you moved. Consciously or unconsciously, he just wanted to see you happy around him.

The drive to the airport was silent. While Jaehyun was focused on driving, Yugyeom was fighting to stay up and Jungkook’s mind was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. The car smelled like coffee, and Yugyeom couldn’t remember the last time he was up before it was dawn.

“Thanks for driving me guys, I owe you” Jungkook squeezed their shoulders while he was filled with anxiety. ”Yeah, no problem man, how are you feeling?” Jaehyun asked and eyed him through the rearview mirror. Catching on how he was fidgeting with his phone.

“Didn’t get to sleep, so kind of worried but excited, you know?”

“Man, you should ask for one of those sleep masks at the plane”, Yugyeom chimed in, “you'll have the best sleep ever, I swear.“

“What makes you think I haven't slept on a plane before?”

And he actually did sleep. Twice. The only flight he could find on such short notice had a layover, he didn't have to wait much, so he didn't mind it at all. He fell asleep once again on the second flight and woke up more excited than ever.

He really was dying to see you, and suddenly felt like it had been years since he had you in front of him.

As soon as he got out of the airport, he searched for the nearest store to buy what you had mentioned to him. The rum and coke that sparked his trip.

Now it was time to call you. He didn't want to lose any more time and simply tapped on your contact.

Nothing felt off to you. Jungkook had already told you he would be calling today. It was a bit earlier than you had expected, you were just arriving at your place, and you hadn't even got the chance to get out of your clothes. Still, of course, you answered him at the second ring.

“hello? who is this?” you asked before he could speak.

Him, quickly catching onto you, “hello this is your Uber speaking, I'm currently outside.”

You were bad at this, you couldn't continue joking with him even if your life depended on it. All you ever did was laugh as soon as any word came out of his mouth. Just like you did now.

“I thought you were gonna call later, and that it was going to be on FaceTime if I recall?” You asked while you put your phone on speaker. Soon, you started undressing to get out of your work clothes.

“Yeah about that…” he sounded unsure on how to continue his words and after a loud sigh, he simply uttered, “I just flew 8 hours to come see you.”

Huh?

His words left you standing in your underwear, asking yourself if you heard him right. Your heart didn't even know if it should get excited or scared.

Jungkook called your name. A good minute had passed without a sound being heard from your side of the line. He laughed and added, “I’d really like to say that I am outside right now, so I need you to text me your address, alright?”

You were still confused, but finally blurted an “okay”.

You heard his laugh again. He was endeared by the way you were acting, your little to no words were making his heart skip a beat.

For you, hearing him laugh like that at you, made your cheeks turn pink. And when he told you “I’ll see you in a few minutes then, and calm down it's just me”, it made you mentally slap yourself, he wasn't meant to notice how he caught you off guard.

“Text me when you're here” was how you ended the call and proceeded to send him your address.

Well, how are you not going to be caught off guard when he says he's at the same geographic point as you???? When just a few hours ago he was at your hometown or so you thought?? When even a few minutes ago, you still believed he was just calling you? BUT NOW HE’S ON HIS WAY TO YOUR PLACE?? AND YOU’RE GOING TO SEE HIS FACE AFTER WHAT FEELS LIKE YEARS?

You were still in your underwear with all these thoughts running through your mind. You had no business blowing this out of proportion. Jungkook was right, it was just him.

And it hasn't been years, easily it's been a little bit more than three months. Three months that you haven't seen the person you’ve liked for over a year, but that you recently came to terms with. Nothing more.

You pulled yourself together and quickly dressed up. You also managed to clean your place up a bit, already assuming that Jungkook would stay. More like wanting him to stay with you.

His text came too soon, you were still mentally preparing yourself to see him when you were replying that you were coming downstairs to get him.

Once he got his eyes on you, he proved to himself how much he had missed you. In his eyes, you looked even better than before. Like an even freer version of yourself. Living on your own and doing your own thing suited you so well, and he felt something swell up in his chest.

You wore a beaming smile on your face, one that was just for him. You could swear he got even taller. His hair was definitely longer, and it was a look that had you daydreaming about running your hands through it.

There was just fondness behind the eyes of both of you. And both were terribly awkward about it. One couldn't even tell you were friends from the way you were acting around each other.

Both managed to giggle a bit. Jungkook’s coolness, absolutely gone the moment he put a step into your personal space. But now you were positive you could be excited, having him next to you made your soul know that something had come back into place.

You walked back to your apartment, your heart frantically beating and your head unable to imagine how you came into this exact situation.

Jungkook started to feel a little nervous around you, not necessarily a bad feeling, but his body kind of forgot how it felt to be with you. He just liked you too much to ever admit it to someone else, let alone admit it to his own heart.

You let him into your place and asked him to get comfortable, it didn’t leave your mind when he said he flew 8 hours to get here. You went to get him a glass of water, while he left his backpack in some corner of your living room. Then he placed a brown paper bag on your coffee table before he sat on your couch.

To you, the situation felt like it came straight out of your dreams. To be fair, this was one of the most romantic things someone has done for you. You started zoning out in the kitchen for a bit, soon to be brought back to earth when you heard Jungkook’s tired sigh.

You came back to the image of him pushing his hair back while his eyes were closed, and you almost tripped on the carpet. When he heard you back, he sat straight again and reached for the glass that was in your hand. “Thought you were going to bring out the good stuff.”

You chuckled at that and sat on the armchair next to him. “Kookie, I really don’t mean to sound rude, but what made you come here?” You said with an airy laugh, trying not to lose your smile to make him answer you. He left his water on the coffee table next to the bag, which you hadn’t noticed until now.

He had a smug expression on his face and signaled you with his eyes to grab said bag. It certainly had your curiosity, so you got up to see the contents of what he had brought. You still had your smile on you, which quickly broke into a laugh as soon as you saw what it was. You playfully hit his leg, and his face seemed pleased about your reaction.

“What?! You said that you wanted one!”

“Well yeah, but I didn’t think you’d come all this way for that!”, “i’m glad you’re here though, I was really looking forward to drinking with you tonight.”

Jungkook thought it was great that you didn’t put much thought into what he did. Because he clearly hadn’t come here just to bring you something you could have bought yourself. It even made him feel at ease that you could spend some time as friends. Restating that there were no other intentions for him besides seeing you.

The night went by fast, he made you the drink you had been longing for the past week, and then you switched to the beers you had in your fridge. All those hours were spent talking and talking. One would think that you had already told him everything about your life here, but you didn’t even know how there were more and more things to talk about. Ultimately, you ended up gossiping about both of your friend groups. Both of you only knew them by name, so it was all on good intentions. This was thanks to the alcohol you had just downed and the fact that you were in your little bubble, far away from everyone you knew.

And basically, that’s how you spent the whole weekend with him. Never-ending talks while you visited all the spots filled with tourists. Every meal, snack, and drink was shared with Jungkook. As if time had brought you back a few years ago. But it had this different feel to it. Something that you couldn’t accurately pinpoint.

Could it be the fact that you were older now? Or that you didn’t want to let him go after spending the past days together? Maybe you didn’t want to hide your feelings for him any longer.

You knew he eventually had to go. But Sunday came much too fast for your liking. And Jungkook was also upset. Upset that he had to go back to his reality far away from you.

You hugged him for the first time in three days. Somehow, both didn’t realize that there had been no physical contact between you until now. And he hugged you back. His discontent about leaving, melting away in your arms. A moment where just the two of you existed. You softly said to him, “thank you for coming all your way here, I never imagined you would do this.”

He stayed silent and preferred to keep holding you, he was afraid he would end up doing something else if he looked at you in the eye.

“I’d like for you to come back again sometime, but I’ll be back home before you know it.” You broke the hug at that and gave him a feeble smile.

“You promise?” he raised his brow and put his hands in his pockets.

You rolled your eyes at him and assured him that you would return soon. You said your goodbyes and urged him to leave before his plane took off. “Please text me when you land home, Kookie.”

Jungkook ended up way more confused about his feelings when he returned home. He still thought about you all day, just like he did before he went to see you. But now it felt borderline obsessive. You consumed his every thought, and he started thinking that he couldn’t handle it.

How did you end up not talking with him anymore?

●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●

Back to first semester at college, that’s when he met Mai.

They were such good friends for years that not even Jaehyun nor Yugyeom, and most definitely not you, noticed that they had been friends with benefits since you were all first years.

Mai has always been sweet. Almost overwhelmingly full of energy. You were aware she and Jungkook knew each other, but never did they make it seem that they were more than friends.

You had the chance to meet her when you shared some marketing classes once. And one day, you ended partnering up for a final project, who would’ve thought that she’d become one of your closest friends since then.

You loved talking to her. It was one of those really good friendships where you feel like you’ve known each other for years. You hadn’t been able to form a relationship like this with someone else from college, so you made sure you talked every minute you had together.

One day, after your classes had ended, both decided to go for some coffee.

That afternoon, she told you all about her past relationships, and you did the same. You understood each other so well as if you had been living the same life, but there was this particular story about someone from campus. Someone whom she referred to as her ‘fuckboy’.

She never wanted to tell you their name because she said that you knew them. And to be completely honest, you weren’t dying to know who this ‘mysterious fuckboy’ was. Your mind was somewhere else in that period of your life.

Once you were gone for your internship, all your friends from college kind of drifted away, except for Jungkook, obviously.

But for him, it was different. At least it had been different with Mai. She was still there for him. She’d always been openly in love with him.

So, their thing never ended. Not even when he just came back from seeing you. He still kept looking for her. Called her every other night when he was longing for someone he couldn’t have. In his mind, a relationship with you wasn’t something that could happen. He wasn’t in love with Mai, but she was all he had.

He was so sure that he could never have you, even though you’ve never done anything for him to think that way. His brain couldn’t amount to believe that he could be in a relationship with his perfect friend, so he had settled with having you as that. His best friend, who knew almost everything about him. Everything, but the fact that he liked you a little too much.

To him, that was the only way he could have you in his life.

Even after the remaining six months of your internship, you still felt the same way about Jungkook.

You wanted to feel excited about coming back and seeing him again, but ever since he visited you, you felt him switch. He started keeping many things to himself. His replies came hours later. He was no longer asking you about your day. He just felt off. And for your well-being, you wanted to assume he was having a rough time at work.

When you were finally back in town, Olivia and Van went to pick you up at the airport. Days ahead, you had planned a little get-together at a restaurant with your friends, just so you could quickly catch up with them. You had missed being with the people you loved. And as one would expect, Jungkook was one of those people.

When you let him know about your plan, he bluntly replied, “Sure, I’ll be there.”

Aside from those three, you invited a few more friends, one of them being Mai, too of course. To your surprise, she was the first one who arrived at the restaurant, and she gave you one of the most effusive and affectionate welcomes you could have expected from someone.

It made you happy to see her again after graduating, you didn’t talk much all these months, but the friendship was still there, and you loved that. You introduced her to Olivia and Van for the first time, and all of you started chatting about your return.

After a while, Mai and you turned to talk to each other, while Van and Olivia talked about who knows what.

Minutes were still passing and there was no sign of Jungkook, so, you excused yourself and went out of the restaurant to give him a call. No answer.

You let a few minutes pass and tapped his name again. This time he picked up.

“hey you” you gently greeted him. And just with that, you made him feel weak. Weak for you.

There was no way he could reply rudely to you. To someone who made him feel that way with just their voice.

“hey there stranger.” He said while pinching the bridge of his nose, feeling dumb for not knowing how to talk to you all of a sudden.

“By any chance, do you remember if you had something to do today?” you started telling him in a teasing tone.

He let the silence take over the call.

You were confused, and a little anxious that he was acting this way. Yet, you still tried to reassure him. “hey if you’re worried about meeting my friends, you don’t have to talk to them…”, “Mai is here too if that helps in some way!” Not even knowing if that was the case.

Your friends were never the problem. And of course, he knew, there was no way that he would forget that you were back. That you were finally on the same time zone as him. But he also knew that Mai was going to be there. She had asked him if he was going to show up. And he wasn’t sure that he wanted to do that. He felt somewhat guilty about it all.

Although, to the onlookers, which included you, Mai, literally everyone; there was nothing wrong with the situation.

He apologetically mumbled your name and replied, “It’s not that, but I don’t think I’ll be able to make it”, “I’m really sorry.”

Trying to find out why he wouldn’t go was pointless. You wanted to avoid interrogating him, so you simply accepted his words. You were sad, yes, but you thought that now that you were in town, it would be easier to plan something and go out with him any other time. “Don’t be silly Jungkookie, there’s nothing to be sorry about, we can go out another day!”

He chuckled at your attempt to sound bright, and he felt even worse. There was nothing that he wanted to do more but to see you. Yet, his head was battling with his poor heart.

“We can talk later, okay? Have fun with your friends, please.” And then he hung up.

You were dumbstruck at that, but made your way to enter the restaurant again.

Olivia was the only one that saw your face as you were walking to the table; and somehow she knew it was something that she couldn’t ask right at this moment. Her eyes remained on you, slightly worried about how you were feeling.

You didn’t want them asking what happened or who’d you talked to. There was no need to feel upset or down when you just wanted to enjoy being with your friends. You could perfectly mope a little when you got home.

Now, while your plates were empty and with more drinks on their way, all of you started talking again. This time, it was Mai’s turn to update you about her life. Everything started well, she told you her niece was born a few weeks ago. You stayed on the baby topic for a while, just for her to change it up to her new job. Nothing out of the ordinary. Then suddenly, she dropped a bomb. A landmine of some sort.

“god i’ve been dying to tell you this”, she paused, not knowing how to string together the piece of information. “okay so, you remember that I told you I had a ‘fuckboy’, right?”

You were even excited to hear about it. To you, it was just some juicy detail about her life. Idle talk. So, you nodded at her, your anticipation on an all-time high.

“i’m actually relieved he didn’t come because i was looking forward to talking to you about this!”

He? You didn’t invite many guys. The others weren’t here yet, and the only one that knew Mai was. Oh…

“ it’s Jungkook!!! there i said it” It came as a soft shout, and she immediately kept talking about everything that has happened with them lately.

There hasn’t been a time when you turned your eyes so fast to look at Olivia. Both of you shared a look that lasted a millisecond. You were able to tell her, “ARE YOU LISTENING WHAT I’M LISTENING?????” without uttering a single word.

It’s obvious to mention the fact that Olivia knew how you felt about Jungkook. Someone had to know about the little crush you had on your friend. She knew every thought that has ever crossed your mind about the ‘bond’ you had with Jungkook. So, to be hearing what your other friend was saying about the relationship she had with him, was a shock. Olivia couldn’t even begin to imagine what you must be thinking.

First, it felt like something shattered inside you. You’re not sure if you heard a glass breaking in the restaurant, or if it was just your heart. But there was no time to feel something else. You had to collect yourself because you couldn’t let Mai see you wearing your heart on your sleeve. You had to act like everything was alright and shifted your resentment into excitement. Putting on the act that you were surprised about this piece of information.

She ended up telling you that they were still seeing each other. Most importantly, that he was the one who always called her. Inviting her to stay the night every so often.

Suddenly, you got the whole picture. You came to realize that they’ve been together all along, even before you met him, and that they’ve had this thing going on for about 4 years AND still counting.

All you could think was, “We’re friends, being involved with Jungkook is not okay, at all.”

You were truly pissed, even though it wasn't your place nor your right, to get mad about this simply because, he can do whatever he wants.

You've never been in a relationship whatsoever, he didn't owe you anything, but you were still hurt.

What if you got everything wrong, and he just sees you as a really good friend? And now, how could you let anything happen between the two of you? How, when Mai told you all that’s happened between them?

Everything that happened after that conversation, was a blur.

You vaguely remember which ones of your other friends arrived, let alone at what time or what you spoke with them.

Thankfully, no one noticed your mind had you on autopilot in some way. But now you wanted to run away from there. It had been too much for you.

When all of your friends wanted to jump into another bar nearby, you apologized and gave them the first excuse that came to your mind.

”You should go!” — “i’m starting to get tired from the flight actually, i didn’t really sleep much last night because i was eager to get here so…” you stated with a soft laugh.

“Oh my god, you’re right! i forgot you came here straight from the airport!”

“Aaw babe, you should go home and get a really good sleep”

You took out your wallet to leave them part of the bill, but everyone stopped you and Van spoke, “it’s our treat, don’t even worry about it, we’re here to take care of everything for you, we missed you.”

All of them insisted, and even one of them chimed, “you’ll pay for all of us next time, so don’t think this will happen again.”

Everyone broke out in a laugh at that, and you gave up on trying to leave them money. After that, you got up to individually hug them while telling them goodbye.

You loved your friends, but honestly, this was taking too long. You tried to keep your words to a minimum, hoping they would catch on to your tired self. In the end, you raised your voice so all of them could hear that you were more than grateful that they came to see you and that you were feeling happy thanks to them. Which was partly true, but some things were occupying your head, thus making it hard for you to focus on the people you were supposed to be valuing the most.

Olivia, who was now next to you, whispered, “want me to take you home?”

And you shook your head. She brought her hand to your cheek and both wore a dim smile on your faces. Your best friend, understanding your need to be on your head for now. “i’ll be there in the morning then.” You closed your eyes and nodded at her, accepting her company, knowing you would need someone to talk with about what you found out tonight.

With that, you waved at your friends for the last time and got out of the restaurant.

You waited for a taxi for what seemed like forever. Everything and everyone, always taking too long, exactly when you need to get away from the world. Squeezing your eyes shut, you softly spoke, “please, i just want to get home.”

And the universe did listen. A woman pulled up right in front of you, and you felt relieved.

“Where to honey?” You gave her your address and she nodded once. “Got it.”

On the way home, as you looked out of the window, you started feeling numb. You let out a heavy sigh and your driver asks, “heading home hun?”

“yeah, it’s been a really long day” and you threw your head back on the seat. She noticed your voice was taut. She didn’t voice her concern, instead, she tried to comfort you, saying that you were just a few minutes away.

“Thank you so much”, as she was speeding a bit more, she answered with the same friendly smile she had when you hopped into the taxi.

Looking out the window once again, you started feeling at home. Your building now in front of you and the woman gently lets you know you had indeed arrived.

You paused your movements, your body no longer in sync with your impatience to enter your place. Managing a tight-lipped smile, you blinked yourself back to your surroundings. Finally, you took your wallet out and handed your god-sent driver the cash you owed her and made her keep the change at the premise of swiftly making you get home.

She looked at you through the mirror. “Thank you honey”, “and also i want to say, whatever’s making you heavy, just sleep on it and i’m sure you’ll know what to do in the morning.”

As you were gathering your bags and making your way out, she says, “take care, alright?”

“You too”, “thank you so much once again, i mean it, have a good night.”

The darkness of your place washes over you once you’re inside.

You left your bags and suitcase at the door and turned a lamp on your way to your bedroom. As you were walking, you made a mental note to thank your brother tomorrow for keeping your apartment this nice and clean. Something less on your list to worry about.

You finally got into the comfort of your room and felt that the only way to get on your bed was to throw yourself face down on it.

After a while, you turned to face the ceiling for a few minutes. You were tired, but there was no sign of you actually wanting to sleep. It was an emotional weariness. An exhaustion you did not know how to get rid of. But it surely would not go away with a nap.

You leaned back on your elbows, and suddenly the emptiness of your room made you feel strange. There were little to few clothes hanging in your closet. Your desk with no sign of you either.

You knew that you had taken most of your things with you when you left, and that you put away the rest of them.

But you didn’t consider that the lack of life in your room would make you feel worse. As if you didn’t exist.

“what the hell”

You knew you had to calm down. There was literally nothing you could do about Jungkook and Mai.

Talking to yourself was the only option now.

“I doubt that the right thing to do is act upon my feelings”, “i can’t be the person that dismisses the feelings of my friend just because i wanna act on mine.”

“And why am i getting ahead of myself? What if he’s not even remotely interested in me?”

You brought your hands to your face and groaned at your thoughts. It was way more uncomfortable hearing yourself say these things out loud than you thought.

“who knows, maybe something will happen in another life”, “if i’m lucky, later in this one.”

You were so annoyed, your eyes were still closed, and whined a small ‘i don’t know'.

“I don’t know if i should simply let go right now or try something. Maybe i’m not ready for a relationship despite how I feel, but when would be the right time? There’s no such thing as that. I can’t leave it in the hands of time, i know i should do something because if i don’t, i’m gonna regret it for years, so what’s stopping me?”

While contemplating your last question, you fell asleep.

The next day, you decided to stop talking to Jungkook altogether. there would be no action directed at him anymore. didn’t search for him again, so your chat abruptly died.

He didn’t look for you either after, so you were sure you did the right thing.

Months passed, and occasionally, you’d see Mai’s Instagram stories just to be hit with the fact that they were still going out?, not knowing if they were officially together was unnerving. it was the first time you wanted to know something so bad just to have some sense of peace of mind.

Olivia heard your complaints every time you saw they went out or were at his apartment. and especially when Mai would post pictures of him playing the guitar.

Once in a while you would see how you left your conversation and hate Jungkook’s existence a little, but then you’d get further up on your texts and see how he made you laugh and how constantly you told each other ‘i miss you’, ‘i want to see you’ and even the simple ‘love you’s’ within your goodbyes.

One day, you were at your desk, wrapping up something you had been working on, but you didn’t get up from the chair. The need to write a letter to Jungkook came over you, and you immediately tore off a blank page of your journal.

“I don’t know if you wonder why I stopped talking to you, but I feel like I’m ready to explain myself. Also, I want to start by saying that I’m genuinely sorry and this isn’t an excuse for ghosting you. I want you to know that when I distanced myself from you, it was because I thought that drifting away was my only choice. I was having a really hard time with my emotions and to be completely honest, the only way I know how to deal with my feelings is to disappear. It took me so long to overcome my anger towards you and how you made me feel. You’ve always been my friend, so when I finally accepted how I felt about you… I found out about so many things that got me confused and made me realize how messy everything was. I’ve never told anyone that I’m actually dying to talk to you because I don’t know anything about you anymore, I’ve been in the dark about your life for so long that I don’t know if you’d want me back in your life after what happened. Not only that, but I’ve never thought that acting on my feelings was the right thing to do because I can’t ignore what I know. I felt selfish and dumb for being unreasonably optimistic, I dare say even hopeful that something would happen between us. But after all, I want you to know that I’ve never stopped caring about you. You’re so important to me.”

You never sent it, of course. Yet, the act of writing what you had on your chest, helped you more than you thought. The idea of Jungkook and your emotional distress started to lose their depth after that. A rush of calmness washing over you for once.

●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●

Today was one of your best friends' birthday, Gigi’s birthday.

There was nothing out of the ordinary going on for you this particular day. You got up, cooked something, did laundry for a bit, went to pick up the cake you bought for your friend, got back home and started cleaning the mess you’d left in the kitchen, wasted some time on your phone, and then you started getting ready.

If you had known you were gonna take this long to find an outfit, you would’ve started HOURS ago, but thanks to your poor time management, you were now running an hour late.

You hadn’t actually met Gigi’s friends before, so you struggled a bit with your awkwardness. Everyone at the table was already eating when you arrived, so you had to wait until another one of her friends got there to order something. You were relieved that you weren’t the last person to show up.

An hour later, your phone screen lighted up with a notification. Someone unknown was trying to send you a message through Instagram. You quickly dismissed it, thinking it was one of those spam accounts, but then the same person contacted you through Facebook too, so now you were curious and went ahead to reply.

You thought that, whoever sent them, didn’t really know you.

For starters, you don’t like flowers.

Second, why would they send them anonymously? It was fucking creepy, to say the least.

You felt it was a really shady because who actually knew your address well enough to send flowers? You were thankful that you weren’t home because you would’ve pissed yourself.

But on second thought, it had to be someone that you knew. Someone who has taken you home before, but who?

You can’t get out of your head that if they thought it would be this big-ass romantic gesture, it wasn’t.

Also, the note had you racking your brain, there was simply no context to it.

’Bouquet of flowers that goes well with a soul made of colors’

No one that you know has ever told you ‘your soul was made of colors’ before.

Gigi said, “Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that it isn’t true, you’re the light of my life, but, i really don’t understand? like, give me some context.” Your friend getting annoyed with a piece of paper.

There was just no way to recognize that verbiage. That incidentally sounded very cliché too.

You knew the flowers weren’t at fault, they were cute, but you couldn’t help but look at them with dislike?

You never thought of asking who sent them, you kept it to yourself in hope that, that someone, would reach out and ask, “did you get my flowers?”, but that text never came.

Not only that, but you wanted to believe they came from the one person you missed the most. But you wouldn’t even dare to mention his name every time one of your friends asked, “who do you think sent them?”

The following days, every time you would glance at the flowers while you were cleaning, you’d spend a good number of minutes just asking yourself the same questions over and over again.

One day, you even sat on the table looking at them with your chin on your hand, brows furrowed, not knowing who had sent this to you. It wouldn’t stop being a big question mark to you.

●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●

Jungkook never reached out to you about the flowers. He had never done something like that for someone, so, he didn’t know what to do after they told him they had delivered them to you. When he thought about it, he was sure you’d know he was the one who bought them for you. He wanted you to know that he was sorry and that he was thinking about you still.

Sorry that everything turned out an absolute mess. But he didn’t want you to think about the negative side of it all. That’s why he came up with that poetic little line. Always in love with how you’d dye your hair different colors without a care in the world. To him, it was a reflection of your soul. Dying to be seen by everyone.

His mistake was that he never mentioned any of that to you. That’s why he never got a text from you. His hope for talking to you again, soon gone.

He wanted you back in his life. He felt miserable without seeing you. You two were in the same town, but if felt like you were miles away from him once again.

It was hurting him more than any other breakup he had experienced before. He saw how you just disappeared from his life. You were like a faint ghost, yet when you gave signs of life in your account, he saw how happy you seemed, just living life. Always with your friends and as pretty as ever.

He didn’t know what to do after he left things with Mai. He never told her why they couldn’t see each other anymore. She would rather not hear that he was in love with someone else. Because after all those years with him, she already knew that.

Mai would have wanted to ask him to stay with her at that moment. But she knew that she’d be prolonging his resistance. Conspiring with his discomfort. Jungkook has been already ‘gone’ for a year, at least. So, she preferred her words stay with her.

No matter how many years Mai had been expecting this talk, she never wanted to be ready for it. All she could muster up saying was, “let’s hope you don’t regret this.” All the hurt from her heart poured into those words.

Jungkook didn’t want to feel guilty anymore. He had the vague idea that you knew what was going on between them, but Mai didn’t know how he felt about you. And that made him decide he didn’t want to deprive you of the affection Mai felt towards you.

“I don’t think I will.”

He was tired of feeling like he’d handled everything in the worst way.

Jungkook felt lost and slightly confused. He wished he knew how to stop thinking about you. He felt like he was missing a piece of his soul. Definitely missing his peace of mind.

He remembered the last words you exchanged in that phone call and felt knots in his stomach. Wishing he had done something different. Hell, even said something different.

What have they done to me?

What have I done to myself?

There’s no point in wishing something else, it won’t change what had already happened.

Jungkook couldn’t deny anymore that he’d been feeling your absence in his core. Not quite sure what he’s supposed to do next, but, remembering your eyes and the way you smiled never failed to make him get annoyed at himself for having all these details about you, carved into his head. The notes of your voice and your laugh still playing in his head.

He promised himself then and there, that he’d try everything in him, to get you back.

He would stop denying the love he felt for you. Stop denying himself of being truly happy with the person who understood everything that he was. Only after messing up, he realized that he never should have run away before giving himself the chance to let you know how he truly felt.

A few weeks passed until he ended up building his courage to talk to you. Also pondering which way would be the best to reach you.

Just like that, all those months without talking to each other came to an end.

●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●

It was February.

You woke up to get ready for work. Without opening your eyes, your hand reached to grab your phone and turn off the alarm. An eye open now, you scrolled through the multiple notifications from different apps. Next thing you knew, you had a text from someone. Someone you didn’t expect, at all.

Jungkook

“today is a perfect day to be happy”

That text, single-handedly, made you get out of bed.

What was the reason for that? You haven’t talked in months.

Why did he reach out to you today? On Friday? Out of all days?

You knew he was joking with what he said. It was something your mom would send. He always chose not to be serious, so it kind of made you laugh. Knowing he hasn’t changed after all.

That text, had you confused all day. Should I reply? Do I want to reply? What can I say to that?

You hadn’t been able to focus on your work all day. You were slower and kept spacing out a lot. Not one of your coworkers had seen you like this, they were even unsure if they should ask you what was going on. And thankfully so, they never asked because how would you explain that?

The friend I was in love with and mind you, I never knew that he was fucking with one of our friends for 4 years, just texted me this morning after us not talking for months.

Luckily, despite how you felt, the day went by fairly quick.

Once you were home, you decided to follow his game. You answered, “why”.

The conversation kept a casual note. You just talked about work and all you’ve been doing lately. Before you knew it, everything felt as if nothing had happened between you. As if the recent blank period hadn’t existed at all.

Valentine’s was coming up this week, and you had zero expectations for it. There was nothing for you to do. All your friends had plans with their partners, so that left you to spend the whole day eating and catching up on your dramas and anime.

You talked on the phone to Olivia the next day, her mostly wanting to talk to you about what she did with Kevin, her boyfriend. And for you to help her what to give as a gift for her upcoming anniversary. But she suddenly brought up Jungkook into the mix.

“what have you been talking about, then? it’s been like a week, right?”

Your laugh came up like you were nervous of talking about him. “mostly work, why?”

She laughed about your response and went straight to the point.

“he didn’t invite you to anything yesterday?” Apparently, it was a laughing fest because that made you chuckle once more.

Then you hummed, thinking about the best way to put yesterday’s situation. “i don’t know if i imagined it or if i wanted to believe that, but i thiiiiiink he was throwing hints about going out.”

“i played dumb though”, “also got me thinking that maybe something happened between him and Mai.”

Your friend couldn’t believe how dense you could get at times. But she didn’t say anything, she simply asked you, “something like what? like they fought or something?”

“not like that, but i don’t know, i’m just making up theories” your giggle coming out once again.

“i saw that she went out with another friend and JK kept telling me that he wanted to go out, but none of his friends wanted to haha.”

“mmmm, he definitely wanted to go out with you. maybe he was hoping you’d take pity on him and end up telling him ‘aw, we should go out then’, I’M SURE OF IT.”

“yea- about that, we kind of already have plans sometime in the next week, hah.”

You heard your friend mumbling something that sounded very much like an ‘oh my god’.

Then she laughed loudly into the speaker. “WHERE ARE YOU PLANNING TO GO, TELL ME EVERYTHING.”

Nervously, you started explaining how the conversation went. “mmmmm, i don’t know yet.”

“he just asked if i was busy next week and i said ‘not that i know of’ and he asked if i wanted to go out and i said yes and THAT’S IT.”

“mmmmm let’s see what happens”, “and listen i didn’t know if i should say it but i thought it was weird that he texted you after all this time, i know that technically you never stopped being friends but, you know, feels kinda sus BUT, who am i to know… just keep me posted about your plans.”

With that, your conversation about Jungkook ended, and you moved onto another subject.

Days were passing and Jungkook actively chose not to tell you where you were going nor at what time you’d see each other. All you knew was that it would be on Saturday.

He’s always been like this.

But that’s exactly what you liked about him. He was always spontaneous. Life felt different with him. Freer. Like nothing could tie you down. Always up to do something new without being scared of the ‘what if’s’.

The weekend came. And it’s been the most nervous you’ve ever been this year. But you could also say that you were excited.

Because it’s been a long time since you’ve seen him.

Your mind refused to think about what happened last year. The memories you had with him before all that, flooded your mind. And it somehow made you hopeful. Hopefully, maybe nothing has changed between you, and maybe, just maybe… you could carry on with how things were on that weekend you spent together.

All you could think about was how you felt back then. How happy you were when you saw him at the entrance of your building. How attracted you felt to him. How your heart jumped when you heard his voice in person once again.

You were hoping that, all that happened one more time, today.

When you finally arrived at the restaurant, he told you, he was already there waiting. His eyes were searching for you incessantly, that when they found you, the weight of the past few days, weeks, months was lifted off his shoulders.

It was the same thing all over again. Both of you were awkward enough to act like you’ve never met before. Afraid of giving each other a hug after all this time.

Once you were past that, you started talking like you always have. The same friends from 5 years ago. Sharing laughs over something one of your friends did. Telling the other how someone from work got you frustrated, complaining about it, like you were talking about homework or a school project.

He had seemed to be doing well at his work. He sounded happy talking about it. But the conversation eventually came back to talk about the dream he’s had since forever. Thrilled just by contemplating going some place far away and live off music on his own. Kind of lonely if someone asked you.

What you didn’t know is that he has never talked about that with anyone but you. He always felt comforted telling you about everything that was on his mind because you never questioned his feelings, you always supported him in what he thought he wanted.

While you talked, Jungkook started thinking deeply. How did someone like them came into my life?

In his mind, it was very present how he managed to lose you once. He wanted to imagine how you felt when you grew apart these months thanks to him. Had you been angry? Sad? Did you hate him?

But none of that mattered anymore. While looking at you, he didn’t see any trace of resentment or hatred. He knew how you were towards people you didn’t like, and he felt like he wasn’t part of them and felt relieved.

A few beers later and you still weren’t drunk. Nor tipsy.

Unconsciously, or possibly, ignoring on purpose that you were feeling a bit on edge with this situation.

It wasn’t that late, but a sudden shift in you made you want to leave. Jungkook hadn’t done anything wrong, but your gut was telling you something and your head didn’t want to ignore it despite not understanding.

“i have to head off now, Kook, it’s getting late for me.”

“ah, don’t say that, i was about to ask you if you wanted to come home and have some shots.”

Your stomach twisted at those words. Were you disgusted at that? Was it your nerves? They weren’t butterflies fluttering, for sure.

In the attempt to not turn things awkward, you pretended to be surprised and asked him what kind of shots.

“i think i just have tequila right now, haha”

You playfully looked at him with narrowed eyes as if you were considering going along with his plan, when in fact you just wanted to run from there.

A single glance to your phone and you declined his offer. “i really need to go now haha, i’d like to but maybe next week or something? what do you say?”

Jungkook naively smiled at that and nodded. “sure, we can do that, just tell me when you’re gonna be free.”

You got closer to him to give him a kiss on his cheek and part ways. While walking away, he half-shouted “tell me when you get home!” which you responded by waving at him.

On your way home, something felt off to you. And it was really hard to shake off that feeling. Everyone always says you need to trust your gut, your instincts, intuition, or whatever. But no one tells you how to navigate through those things, those emotions that seem to be overpowering your thoughts.

You didn’t know for sure what Jungkook’s plan entailed. Maybe you were getting ahead of yourself, already anticipating an outcome you didn’t like. Countless “what-ifs” flash through your mind, and every single one leads you to him trying to have sex with you.

For the second time tonight, you felt uneasy, your stomach twisting uncomfortably.

His words repeating in your head.

ask you if you wanted to come home and have some shots

ask you if you wanted to come home and have some shots

ask you if you wanted to come home and have some shots

Why weren’t you trusting him? It genuinely made you believe he wanted more. You were starting to feel a little disappointed in yourself for having those thoughts.

It’s always been the two of you. Many times you’ve spent time with him alone. But some lines were never crossed. Not even when he slept at your place a year ago.

Somehow, him taking you to his home, changed everything.

Were you going insane? After all, he’s a man, why else would he invite you back to his place so soon? And just to have a few drinks? You were sure his vibe was somewhere else, and the last thing you wanted was to complicate things after him coming back to your life.

Tonight you were able to realize that things change and nothing can come back and be how it was. You were excited, and you thought you would feel a million pretty things to be exact, but that wasn’t the case, maybe your expectations were a little too high.

Being able to experience this was definitely something, kind of eye-opening, so you could know that you have no control over love.

As you were thinking that, a text, from someone who refused to let go of you (it was mutual to be perfectly honest), lighted up your phone screen.

Yoongi.

He always appears at the worst best times. Just like that first night, when you decided to go out by yourself to a bar in a city where you didn’t know anybody, thanks to Jungkook messing with your feelings.

Your gazes found each other in the crowded room; the spark of attraction ignited. You talked, danced, laughed, shared a few drinks, a joke and, before you knew it, he said: "your place or mine?". Neither of you were looking for a serious relationship but somehow one night turned into a week, then a month and here we are, a year and a half later.

Things with Yoongi were easy. Your talks were funny and cute, you felt at ease around him, like you had known each other since forever.

But all he was, was your something. And both of you were perfectly good with that.

In one of your many nights together, you told him you lived in another state. “i figured.”

“it would be too much for this poor city if we could actually be together.”

You laughed and followed up his thought, “we could end up being a public menace with the way we’re always all over each other.”

You were curled up against him, and he was rubbing your arm.

“Do you already know when you’re leaving?”

You pursed your lips and told him, “mmm i still have like six more months.”

He seemed to think it over. But he already knew what he wanted to do before his words came out.

“Well, i don’t know about you, but i’m not letting you run away from me that easily”, he paused. “would you like if I went to see you once in a while?”

All you could do was smile. You wanted to toy with him or say something witty, but your head quickly decided to eagerly nod at Yoongi.

“Are you serious? You would do that?”

The look you had in your eyes made him giggle. “well, obviously, I’d rather not stop seeing the person whom I can’t seem to get my hands off.”

“Plus, i don’t want to forget how your tongue tastes in my mouth.”

“We can’t let that happen, right, baby?”

The hand, he had on your arm, had now moved onto your thigh. The air in his room no longer felt cold. And the way he called you baby, had you breathing embarrassingly heavier.

With his other hand, he grabbed the right side of your face and took his time inspecting it. He knew exactly what he was doing to you, and it just made him crave you more.

When he finally kissed you, you moaned. The tension he built up made you needy for him. Adding the fact that, just minutes ago, this man had told you he wanted to keep seeing you, the distance not fazing him at all.

“Did you just moan?”, “how are you so shameless?” He said while smirking. Clearly satisfied with your reaction.

You hid your face in his chest and mumbled, “it’s your fault, shut up.”

●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●

Amazingly so, no one knew about that thing you had with Yoongi. He was your precious little secret and well, it was kinda hard to explain what you were doing. There was no reason to talk about him since you weren’t living in the same town.

It didn’t mean that he wasn’t part of your life though, he was actually very present in your day-to-day.

Even though you both were overwhelmed with work, you made time for each other almost every night, even if it was just an hour.

In this time apart, you actually got to know each other even more than you thought, and your head started thinking about him way more than before.

You already knew he was an audio engineer, but until now, he told you how much he enjoys being in concerts and festivals. That his job makes him travel a lot, but it’s not as fun as you would think.

After finding out you had similar taste in music and that you loved being in that environment, he started inviting you to countless concerts. Concert invites turned to visits to your hometown, and those visits turned to promises of traveling together some place else.

This time around, Yoongi had you excited about life.

Your daydreaming started to include him.

And soon, you began to feel confused. This was the first time in your life that you had been talking to two guys.

Last year, you wouldn’t have imagined you’d feel this way about Yoongi. Just until now, you understood what ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ really meant.

Maybe you never saw it as something potentially romantic because your heart was still set on Jungkook at the time.

But situations change. And it’s more than possible for one to feel different about someone because nothing’s the same anymore. It’s not because people change, essentially we do, but it’s mostly because something made us think differently. You opened your eyes. And there’s no way to fix that, you just have to let it happen.

Even though you took some time apart from seeing Jungkook, you still talked to him. You just needed time to sort out your thoughts about that last time you saw him.

You still like him very much so, and your newly found confusion about what to feel for Yoongi, made you want to search for Jungkook again.

You were sure you were doing something wrong. Nothing was set in stone, but that didn’t stop you from feeling guilty about it.

Exactly when that guilt was running through your mind, Yoongi texted you.

“i miss you, i’ve been thinking about you all week”

“i’m going to be there next month for a few weeks, so don’t make any plans”

“can’t believe i didn’t know i was one of those people that catch a 6-hour flight just for some kisses”

●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●

There are days when things happen too quickly. Things you never planned.

You had a couple of days when you just wanted space. Maybe it was because you haven’t allowed yourself some time to process the past rollercoaster of emotions you got yourself into.

But that’s all you wanted, a few days to have some time alone, to recharge, before Yoongi arrived next week.

You’ve been doing this for years, and people were always concerned with you when you disappeared for a few days. You really wish you could follow the same advice you give to your friends.

“Don’t run away when things are hard, your friends are here for you.”

“Don’t drift away from me.”

But that’s all you’ve ever known, dealing with yourself on your own. You’re aware that it may not be healthy, but when you’re alone, you try to overcome your problems, feelings, or whatever’s bothering you. How can a little time to self-reflect be wrong?

This time, Olivia and Van exaggerated a bit. It had been like four days you hadn’t talked or texted anyone and their mind went to think the worst had happened to you. What ticked you off, was that four days had to pass before they checked on you, but whatever.

Turns out that Olivia and Van reached out to you because Olivia’s birthday was coming up on Monday, and they wanted to know if you were going out with them on Saturday.

obviously, yes, what kind of friend do you think I am???

Saturday came, and you never imagined this day would turn out like this.

First. You had been with Olivia since early in the morning. Breakfast was nice cause you were able to catch up on everything that happened since you last saw each other. Later, you decided to go get your nails done for tonight, but Olivia’s car died at like 1:00 p.m. Totally out of nowhere.

“Has this happened before?” You asked. “No, never, I really don’t understand why it won’t start.” Olivia started getting nervous because she didn’t have someone who could run to help. Her ex wouldn’t even answer her, and everyone else was far from where you were.

And you thought life wanted to have some fun because maybe it was a coincidence that Jungkook’s work was nearby, and he was just getting off. Really JUST a coincidence. “Don’t worry, actually I think Jungkookie can come to help us, just let me ask him.”

But tell me, why are you nervous to call him? It’s just him.

So, you called him to ask for help, and he was a lifesaver in its absolute glory. He arrived in about 15 minutes and got the car started immediately. You didn’t even say hello properly, you just waved at him as soon as you saw his car approaching you.

“He looks nice.” Olivia whispered to you while Jungkook was closing the hood of her car, then said to him, “I can’t believe you got here so fast, my dad or my sister would have got here in at least an hour!”

You could only manage to see their interaction unfold in front of you because you had no words. It’s been years since you were speechless because of someone. You literally couldn’t find the reason for being on edge like this. He giggled and told your friend “well, you’re lucky I work close by and that I got off early today.”

You were leaning against his car now, and it got you even more nervous that you couldn’t see his eyes because he was wearing sunglasses.

Well now you have to say something, now that you’re feeling two pairs of eyes on you.

“How was work today? wasn’t there a lot of traffic on your way here?” You finally spoke, your eyes directed at him, and he just smiled as he heard your voice at last.

It has been more than a month since he last saw you and, currently, he was certain that he had missed you.

“Yeah it was cool, and you know, you can’t escape traffic.” You nodded shyly and Olivia wanted to help you, she hasn’t seen you behave like this in a while.

So, she asked, “Have you eaten already?” and before he could say something she kept explaining, “We’re gonna go eat with my family for my birthday, you can come if you'd like!”

Now it was his turn to be a little uncomfortable at this. He would rather not get in the middle of your plans as much as he wanted to spend time with you, so he declined.

“No, don't worry about it! I’m actually going to see one of my friends to grab something.” You asked him, “Are you sure? I mean, you did us a big favor with her car” And he said almost exclusively to you, “It’s okay y/n, you know you can ask me anything.”

You would be lying if you said you didn't have your body on fire with those words.

But you were still feeling awkward around him, and you just wanted to get into the car again. Olivia took her chance to talk again. “You could cut the tension with a knife in here, right?” She felt an intense glare coming from you and continued, “Well, if you can’t come with us, we should get going y/n.”

You turned your eyes to Jungkook and said, “I guess we’ll see each other another day”. He gave you one of his biggest smiles and replied, “Sure, just tell me when”, “bye Olivia”. You got close to him and hugged him. Almost a whisper, “Thank you for this, I mean it.”

And with that, you got into Olivia’s car and asked her, “Are we really going to go with your family?” She was retouching her makeup a bit, as you were putting your seatbelt on, she let out a weird laugh, “Oh god y/n no, I was just trying to be polite with him, I saw you being weird so… that's why we're ‘eating with my family’” Olivia made quotes in the air, so you could finally understand what she meant.

“Can we go for something to drink? I’m dying for something, coffee, tea, 5 shots of vodka anything please” Olivia laughed again as you told her this. The weather today was really hot, you mentally patted yourself in the back for your outfit choice, you could be ugly sweating if you had chosen something else.

As soon as you got yourselves a bubble tea, you started to calm down and process everything that happened half an hour ago. “Can you please tell me why the fuck I was so shy back there?” Your head now in the dashboard of your friend’s car.

●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●

Evening came, and you honestly just wanted to relax and have some drinks to celebrate your best friend’s birthday. However, the interaction you had earlier with Jungkook would not leave your head.

At the time you arrived to the bar with Olivia, you were feeling somewhat anxious. You wanted Jungkook to be there with you.

You were waiting in the queue until the staff could assign you a table. Van and her boyfriend were the first ones to arrive, so they took the task to adopt you tonight, the reason being that you were the only single person in the group.

I want to invite him.

You’ve been texting all day, but you weren’t sure you could show up with him tonight. You didn’t know who did Olivia invite, and you were worried that it was inappropriate to treat this as if you could invite whoever you wanted.

The first drink arrived. It was very naïve of you to think it would relax you whatsoever. All that alcohol did was make you desperate to have Jungkook right there, next to you.

I really really want to invite him.

Eventually, (like 10 minutes later), you finally asked Olivia if it was okay for you to ask him to come with you. Just after she told you it was totally fine, you thought how dumb it was for you to worry about something like that.

It didn’t take you more than once to ask Jungkook if he wanted to come, he almost ran to you. You could’ve sworn he was ready to be there even before you thought about inviting him.

You weren’t even halfway of your second drink when he called you to say that he had arrived at the bar. In the matter of a few minutes, you no longer were the ‘single’ friend in the group. Now you had your Jungkookie.

There are days when things happen too quickly. Things you never planned.

‘Things’ meaning ‘kissing’.

The thing is, that first kiss you shared, was long overdue.

All your emotions were conveyed in the touch of your lips. From your frustrations, resentments and regrets to your purest ones, as affection in its greatest form and lastly, the burning desire that had just ignited inside both of you.

It all happened on pure instinct. You hadn’t shut up for 5 minutes, and he was hearing you intently, looking straight in your eyes.

Then the urge to kiss was all you could think of. He could no longer focus in what you were saying, and neither did you. why am I talking?

Jungkook’s heart started beating faster. Not because he was nervous, but because your face was so close to his, and he could smell your perfume fused with the alcohol you’ve been drinking. Even though none of you was able to register how fast it happened, it still wasn’t happening fast enough.

For a long time, Jungkook kissed you. He pulled back a little. He was still staring at you, and you stared right back as Jungkook kissed you again, entirely different from the first time.

You blushed at the thought that there were people watching you share this moment. But you were happy. You weren’t confused right now. It just felt right to be here with him.

You didn’t think you’d get to do this in this universe. Kissing your friend whom you had been pining for 2 years.

“I think we should get back.” You shyly told him with a smile.

He returned you his most precious smile and his hand slid down your arm until it reached your hand and intertwined your fingers with his. “Let’s go then.”

●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●

You stayed with your friends through the rest of the night, but you never let go of Jungkook’s hand, and he wasn’t planning on it either.

The night ended when Olivia got much too drunk to stand up on her own. Van and her boyfriend handled the account at the bar, while you and Jungkook took care of taking your best friend home.

He drove you to her home while you stayed in the back seat with Olivia to help her stay conscious in Jungkook’s car.

You got closer to the console and rested your head on the side of the driver’s seat, your hand dying to get a hold of Jungkook again.

“Thank you.” It came as a soft mumble, and suddenly the traffic light turned red.

Jungkook turned his head to see you, and the way you were looking at him caught him off guard.

Your eyes were looking upwards at him, with stars in your eyes, sparks falling on him, and you spoke again, “you’ve saved us twice today.”

His gaze was still fixated on you, he smiled and said, “i already told you, you can ask me anything and i’ll do everything for you.”

The softness in your voices made you think that you would never forget a single detail of this night. All you could do was appreciate how strange and brief the most beautiful moments in life are.

You got to Olivia’s house and Jungkook helped you carry her all the way to her bed. And as much as you may have wanted to stay one more hour with him, you kissed him goodbye. And kissed him again. Then he kissed you. And his hand went behind your neck and pulled you closer to his face, even if it was physically impossible. He wanted to kiss you until one of you couldn’t even breathe anymore.

That feeling. That desire. Where was it coming from?

“I’ve been waiting for the longest time to have you like this.” He spoke to your ear while catching his breath.

“You’re the one who was late, dummy”, “but we can’t do this tonight.”

“I know, but I just don’t want to leave you here. I feel like you’re going to disappear from me.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Kookie.” You moved your hand down his face, and rested it on the back of his neck. He tightened his arm around your waist, and you closed the distance again to give him a kiss on his cheek. “I’ll see you next week, alright?”

He nodded at your words and as he was pulling back from you, both his hands hastily went to grab a hold of your head just to give you the last kiss of the night.

Neither of you said anything else, you just giggled at his actions and sent him off to his house.

You both could not help but be drawn to each other.

●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●

Monday and everything was going according to plan. In perfect harmony.

Yoongi was finally arriving tonight and you couldn’t be more excited to see him. It was almost a joke when you told him you were counting the hours until you were next to him.

But first, you were going to spend all day with Olivia, celebrating her birthday.

After collecting her birthday cake and flowers, you made your way to pick up your best friend to take you to the restaurant where Van, her boyfriend and your other friends would be waiting for the two of you.

After all the birthday antics directed towards your best friend, you almost felt bad that now all the attention had been brought to you and what happened last Saturday.

Even Olivia’s attention was all over you, urging you to tell them everything, EVERY-THING.

Van’s boyfriend was the first one to literally ask about Jungkook. “So who’s the handsome guy, huh? I liked him.” One raised eyebrow, eager to hear what you had to say.

Everyone went quiet, listening carefully to basically your whole story with Jungkook until the other day. Faint gasps were heard. Hands over mouths, eyebrows raised. One would think you were telling the most dramatic story ever heard in this century.

You started telling it with a lot of enthusiasm, but as you went on and thought back about why you stopped talking to him, it all felt so vivid once again. It was upsetting to feel like that over something you thought you had already put behind.

Once you finished, Van spoke, “Well, I know I didn’t see much of him but, he seems really nice towards you, I could tell he likes you a lot.”

“He actually helped us get my car going the other day, he REALLY is nice, like, he didn’t have to go do all that, but he got on his way as soon as y/n called him, fucking Kevin wouldn’t have done that for me…”

Van’s boyfriend had his chin resting on his hand, just nodding at everything your friends were saying, taking in all the information. “We should go on a double date.”

“Like, this Saturday.”

You laughed almost in disbelief. Brows furrowed “Are you sure?”

“Why wouldn't I be?!! I told you I liked him!”

“Babe, you like everyone…” Van said while patting his hand.

“Well I like him most, he looks cool and like he can hold his drinks”, “text him right now and tell him that.”

“Tell him that I INVITED him!”

“Not fair you guys”, Olivia told you and pursed her lips. “I want to go tooooooo.”

“Well you can go but, heads up, we’re all gonna be busy eating each other’s faces.”

Van raised her index finger, clarifying that thought, “WITH OUR RESPECTIVE PARTNERS.”

You did send Jungkook that text and he responded straight away, but you kept joking around with your friends, that you forgot to text him back. “Of course I’ll go, I’m dying to see you” “tell them I say thanks for the invite too 😉”

But also because something else was on your mind.

Your attention went to your friends and occasionally to your watch. The thrill to see Yoongi, after a year of him existing solely through your screen, was on a new height.

The thought of him being already on his way to see you had you acting 100x sillier with your friends. And you actually couldn’t wait anymore to be in his arms.

Soon, a text came.

“I’m waiting to pick up my bags, it’ll take me around 20 minutes I think?”

“Where are you? are you still with your friends?”

You didn’t waste any more time at that and you hurriedly said goodbye to everyone. It almost seemed out of the blue. But you couldn’t care any less, you needed to be with Yoongi now.

You went to the airport as fast as you could and thankfully, you were the one that waited Yoongi for a couple of minutes.

The instant you saw each other, Yoongi dropped his bags and opened his arms. This made you run towards him to not hug, but to cling to his torso.

His scent assaulted you. This fresh citrusy smell, like warm wood, was all you could perceive. It reminded you of the countless days and nights you spent with him. Wrapped in his clothes and arms. You missed him.

He beat you to say it first though. “i’m not gonna deny that i missed you a lot.”

“Yoongi… i really really wanted to be with you.”

“I’m here now.”

With a groan, you buried your face in his neck and he quickly began stroking your hair. “i missed you Yoongi.”

He was thankful that you couldn’t see his face right now because he was flushing. He giggled and told you, “me too y/n.”

“I say we should get going now so I can show you how much I miss you, what do you think?” He finally put you down, still in front of him. Then when you bent down to help him with one of his bags, he stopped you and took your hand in his. “Tell me.”

“what? you want me to tell you how needy I am for you?” You wanted to give him the most puppiest eyes ever, but the way you were craving him got in the way you held your gaze.

He grabbed his bags and then whispered to your ear, “it would be nice, but i already know how needy you get around me.”

He was right, still you smiled like a kid caught doing something naughty.

“do you now?”

“you shouldn’t be surprised baby, just because we didn’t see each other for a year doesn’t mean i forgot everything about you”, “i couldn’t stop thinking about every little thing that i like about you.”

“god Yoongi, please stop talking or i swear i’m going to do something indecent.”

The smirk in his face hasn’t gone for a while. “when has that stopped us before?”

“but alright, i’ll be a good boy and wait for you to be indecent at your house.”

He ended with a kiss on the top of your head and both started walking towards the exit. You went for one of his bags to help him carry it, mostly with the intention of holding his hand once again.

●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●●○●○●○●○●○●

I don’t know why I always want to run away?

I want things I can’t have.

I’m confused now. I felt so good on the weekend, but I don’t know what to feel as of now.

I want Yoongi. I don’t know if I should wait for that possibility but, he’s what I want.

And now that I experienced what I always wondered and wanted, and actually enjoyed being with Jungkook, I can’t see past that. Is it normal? Is it bad?

Am I getting my feelings mixed up? Right now I feel like I don’t know myself. I was so happy on Sunday. I felt so calm, life was treating me so well.

But until yesterday, when I started telling my friends about Jungkook, I started to remember about last year and, I got so insecure.

Today I craved Yoongi’s attention. I felt so needy. Why are my feelings suddenly so strong with him?

I know I can’t keep myself closed up, that I need to experience relationships, but I also feel like I’m in no hurry. But when I say that, I feel like a coward. Just keeping myself safe without learning. I know I shouldn’t be scared of getting hurt, but I can’t help it when I literally don’t trust anyone.

As much as I love Jungkook, I can’t trust him.

Strangely, I don’t even want to know what he’s thinking. I just want to be sure of what I feel, because when I know that, I’m certain that I won’t be afraid of the outcome.

What’s making me feel like this? Is it him? Is it my fears or something else in me?

I don’t recognize my feelings right now, I’m not even worried, I just feel uneasy.

Maybe it’s uncertainty? I hate not knowing what I should do.

When will I make up my mind?

Maybe if it were someone else, I wouldn’t be overthinking this.

Something tells me that things with Jungkook won’t be right. I can’t see my future with him.

I have this idea of what I want to feel when I’m sure that I’m in love and I don’t know if I’m romanticizing it too much, but this isn’t it.

I have the sensation that my freedom’s been taken away.

I don’t understand myself, while I wasn’t sure of anything, I still feel like it was nice to be with him.

But now I know that I don’t want something serious with him. He’s not my person.

If he was, I wouldn’t be thinking of someone else.

I wouldn’t be thinking of how much I want to be with Yoongi and do everything with him.

I’m not in love.

I won’t keep this going, because I know it won’t make me happy.

I don’t want to sneak at night. I don’t want to tiptoe in the mornings so no one knows I was there. I don’t want silent awkward car rides. I want to feel loved.

I don’t know if I’ll hurt him, I feel guilt all over again. But I haven’t forgotten what I promised myself. That I won’t make myself go through things I don’t want to do, just because I don’t want to hurt their feelings.

Maybe this was bound to happen and maybe I just messed up our friendship.

But it’s just another ending. Feelings change and I can’t do anything about that. I won’t force them on me just for the sake of someone else. How could I know that I’d end up feeling like this?

I shouldn’t have kissed Jungkook.

[watchmegetobsessed]

Floating Through Space - Harry Styles

a/n: im literally bursting from excitement over this, i’ve been working on this fic for so long and im pretty satisfied with how it turned out so i hope you’ll like it too! pleas please PLEASE don’t let this flop bc it means a lot to me 🥺 the song featured in the fic is obviously an existing one, i linked it into the right place so you can listen to it and get the vibe of it, that song is what inspired the whole story so i recommend giving it a listen! leave your thoughts and reactions, i can’t wait to read what you thought about the fic!!

pairing: Harry x Famous!Reader

warning: drug use, smut and everything thats wrong with patriarchy lmao

word count: 25.7k

masterlist

This dressing room is no different than the other one thousand you’ve been to. The plaster on the wall is all cracked up, the red bricks peeking from under it in the corner, the dusty couch looks like it’s been through hell and just sitting on it would probably give you STDs. The mirror on the wall is cracked, the few water bottles you’ve gotten are not even cooled, they’re a warm room temperature. The glorious life of a musician, right?

Moments like this you question why you didn’t just choose to be the obedient daughter and became a surgeon like your parents always wanted you to be. You’d have a steady future and a nice income, a decent career instead of having to perform at a different bar every other night for nicks and pennies that barely cover your rent at the end of the month. But that wouldn’t be you. Wearing scrubs, smiling at patients, throwing out your dignity along with your dreams, you wouldn’t have been true to yourself if you chose that life. Besides, you’d still be in school, barely nearing the halfpoint of your education if you decided to go along with your parents’ plan and it’s clearer than daylight that the school system is just not for you. It would be pure torture if you had to sit in classes for a decade just to work a job you never even wanted.

Looking around the small dressing room you cast your eyes over your band that consists of three people. It’s a temporary set up from three guys you met along your way, all of the struggling musicians as you and you saw the as opportunities. Places would rather have a band play with several men in it than just put one single woman on stage and pray for the best. It’s the sexist part of the industry not enough people talk about. You can’t even count how many pitying stares you’ve gotten through the years when you stated that you want to make a career as a solo female singer.

“Honey, you ain’t making it without at least one man behind you,” is what they’ve always told you. So you’ve gotten yourself three until you could stand on your own two feet without a male backup. You’re using them just as much as they are using you. They were already a band when you joined them, the lead singer just disappeared to thin air with her boyfriend and left them incomplete, so you joined forces to navigate your way together in the depth of the music industry, looking for that big jump everyone is dreaming about.

Standing in front of the cracked mirror you fix your eyeliner, checking yourself once again. Your thrifted checkered suit looks radiant on you especially with the neon green see-through top underneath, showing off a black bralette. It’s a male suit, hanging a little baggy on you at places, but you still feel like you’re pulling off the look. Your thick eyeliner makes your eyes appear even bigger than they already are and your hair is in an unruly mop of curls, making your appearance complete.

You’ve received tons of critiques over your outfits, but they are the only thing you are not changing on yourself.

“Don’t wear men’s pants.”

“You’d look better in a dress.”

“Why do you look like a guy?”

“What a shame to hide such a gorgeous body in clothes that weren’t meant for girls.”

Each and every comment is burned into your mind forever and you’ll never stop fighting against the judgment women has to face for not being the conventional beauty all females are expected to be.

There’s a knock on the door and the person behind it barges in without waiting for an answer. The tall, bald guy rushes in, looking a little stressed, but that’s kind of the normal for the owner.

“I’m not sure how to say it, but… you are not performing tonight,” he simply states and your anger sets in faster than ever. You’ve had gigs get cancelled, but not minutes before going on stage. However, he is still not done with his little informative speech. “And your instruments need to be used by another band tonight.”

“What the fuck?” Trey, the drummer jumps to his feet. “No way I’m letting someone else play my drum set!”

“You’ll get half the money if you let it happen,” the owner answers.

“Wait, what band did you find minutes before start?” you ask in complete shock.

“There’s this group celebrating a birthday in the VIP section and some boy band is apparently with them. Birthday girl requested to have the stage for them.”

“And you’re just cancelling on us that easily?” you snap.

“Not that I have a choice. If I don’t do it they are leaving and I’m losing a big amount from the night. Sorry guys, but this is strictly business.”

“I can’t fucking believe this,” you laugh bitterly, staring up at the ceiling. This would have been a great chance for all of you, you’ve been trying to get a gig here for months, knowing that a lot of people from the industry fancies it, you might have caught someone’s eyes, but it’s definitely not happening now.

“Are you letting them use your stuff or not?” he urges, hands on his hips as he looks at the four of you impatiently.

“But what about our gig? We’ve been on the waiting list for months, when can we actually perform?”

“Uh, I don’t know. We’re pretty booked, maybe sometime in the summer?”

“Summer?” you gasp in disbelief. “It’s fucking February!”

“Are you lending them your stuff or not? I don’t have the time for your little tantrum!”

“Yeah, if we get the money they can use it,” Connor, the bass guitarist answers before you explode right then and there. The owner walks out with that, leaving the four of you behind, forgotten and humiliated.

“I can’t fucking believe it,” Trey groans, plopping down on the couch, covering his eyes with his tattooed arm.

“This is fucking bullshit,” you scoff under your breath, reaching for your bag to grab your pack of cigarettes you keep in it especially for cases like this, whenever you are about to go around and punch every living thing in the face in your reach.

Kicking the backdoor open you lean against the cold brick wall as you light the cigarette and start puffing vigorously, trying to get as much nicotine into your system as possible. You notice a group of guys standing near you in the alleyway, laughing on something, having a great time, oblivious to how hurt and angry you are feeling just a few feet away. You hear frictions of their conversation and it’s clear they are British judging from the accents that are hitting your ears. You finish your cigarette pretty fast and immediately reach for another one even though you know you shouldn’t have even smoked that first one, but you just can’t help it. It’s either the smoking or you’re going after the owner and kick him in the balls for being a bitch.

“Oi, can I ask for one?”

Glancing to the side you see that one of the guys has approached you, smiling at you warmly he nods towards the pack in your hands. Nodding you hold it out for him and he takes one. Before he could even ask for the lighter, you throw it at him and he catches it easily.

“Thanks,” he nods, holding the cigarette between his lips before lighting it and passing the lighter back to you.

“Lou, you really shouldn’t smoke,” you hear one of the others speak up as the rest of the group slowly joins you and the one you just helped out.

“S’fine, don’t act like me motha’,” he shrugs, taking a drag from the cigarette.

“At least not before we go on stage,” the blonde one shakes his head at his friend and your eyebrows shoot up.

“Oh, so you’re the band that’s gonna play?” you ask with a forced smile, already feeling your blood boiling. Who the fuck they are and why do they deserve to steal your gig?!

“We’re just playing a couple of songs,” another speaks up shrugging his shoulders. “No big deal.”

“Glad it’s no big deal to you, because it would have been to the band that was robbed from tonight because of you,” you spat at them, clearly surprising them with your harsh reply.

“I assume you are part of that band, right?” the on with the curly hair speaks up, his green eyes burning down at you.

“Nice job, Sherlock,” you groan, taking another drag from your cigarette.

“You could play with us,” he offers, the others nodding in agreement.

“I don’t need your pity,” you scowl at them. “Bringing me on stage to try to make yourselves look like the good guys is not necessary. I’m just fed up with people like you.” The truth is coming out of you easier than ever. All the years on injustice is seemingly erupting from you, pouring down on these five.

“People like us?” the dark haired one asks with a confused look.

“Yeah,” you nod with a bitter chuckle. “Five conventionally hot guys grouped together for a band, making every girl between the age of ten and thirty scream just by a wink. I don’t know where you came from, but I’m betting my head that you’ve had it easier than others.”

“It’s not nice to assume things when you don’t know anything about us,” Curly speaks up, tilting his head to the side.

“Oh, I’ve seen enough not to care about what’s nice and what’s not,” you chuckle shaking your head as you take another long puff from your cigarette and throw the butt to the ground, stepping on it. “Who are you even? Some Back Street Boys 2.0?” you ask, folding your arms on your chest, earning a heartfelt laugh from the blondie.

“I kinda like her,” he smirks around his friends. “We’re called One Direction, you haven’t heard of us?”

“Not even once,” you shake your head.

“That’s kinda humbling,” the one with the cigarette smiles. “We’re from the UK. I’m Louis, that’s Liam, Niall, Zayn and Harry.”

“I would say it’s nice to meet you, but it would be nicer if you guys didn’t just take my gig and lessen me with half my paycheck,” you smile at them sweetly before rolling your eyes.

“Wait, what? They’re not paying you because of us?” Liam asks.

“We only get half the money for lending you our instruments.”

“Let us pay the other half then,” Harry offers right away, but you just laugh at him.

“It’s not about the money, Prince Harry,” you smirk at him, tilting your head to the side. “It’s about justice. How is that air that you just waltz in here and take our time and chance? What if there’s a producer out there who would have liked our music and offered a record deal? What if someone would have taken a video of us performing, put it up to YouTube and it would have gone viral? I assume you never had to go through this phase where you have to beg for every minute on stage so you can at least earn enough money to pay rent. You don’t seem like the type of band who had to perform in smelly bars four times a week for a ridiculous amount of money.”

They stay silent and you know you were right.

“I’m not saying you had it easy, but I’m sure you have no idea what it could have been. And I’m fed up with men walking over others just to have what they want.”

“Look, it wasn’t our intention to ruin your gig. Have your set with your band and then we’ll play a few songs too after that,” Liam offers, but you shake your head.

“No, we weren’t supposed to be just your opening act and it’ll turn into that. So have a nice evening, enjoy your showtime, I’m out.”

Pushing yourself away from the wall you walk back into the building and grabbing your stuff from the dressing room you move out to the bar area, desperately needing a drink.

Sitting on the last stool at the bar you ask for straight tequila and two vodka shots knowing it’ll do the job for the evening and pulling your phone out of your bag, you open up Google. Searching the name One Direction you’re met with quite a few hits and you start scrolling through them, reading about the five boys you just had an encounter with. Just as you thought, they didn’t start off as a traditional band, having put together at a talent show just three years ago, getting such a major push so early in their career, they have no idea how struggling it is to make it in the industry. They surely had their fair share of ups and downs, but they will never know what it’s like to sweat blood and tears for your dream when everyone just wants to drag you down and tell you you’ll never make it.

The shots and half of the tequila is gone, your band joined you to at least get wasted as you watch the technicians set the stage for a band that’s not you, but gonna play with your stuff. Sitting on the stool you’re having a fairly good time thanks to the alcohol when you spot Harry making his way towards you in the crowd.

“Aren’t you supposed to be getting ready backstage?” you ask with an eyeroll as he joins your little circle, the guys eyeing him curiously. Ignoring your comment he pulls out a piece of paper handing it to you. As you unfold it you almost want to throw it back at him.

“This is to make up for what you lost tonight,” he says nodding down at the check in your hands.

“I told you I don’t need your money,” you firmly answer, but Trey grabs the check from your hands.

“But I do!” he snorts. He is such a pig.

“Let us do at least this one thing for you. We really do feel bad for taking your time and the offer to come on stage with us still stands.”

“No thank you,” you shoot him a fake smile before downing the rest of your tequila, the drink burning down your throat. Looking back at Harry you keep your eye locked on him as he watches you intently. He is a good-looking guy, you have to give that to him, but the circumstances you’ve met under just made it impossible for you not to hate him for the privileges he is being handed every day while you fight your way through life.

Harry sighs in defeat nodding as he licks his lips. For a split second, guilt takes over you for the way you’ve been acting towards him and the other boys, but then you remember that you don’t even know him. For all you know, he can be a royal asshole with the face of an angel. You can’t let guilt chew you and spit you out, you have to keep your guards up.

“Alright. We really are sorry. I’ll… see you around,” he nods before turning around to walk away.

You watch them perform their biggest hits, the whole place going crazy over the impromptu One Direction concert they just got for basically free. The VIP area is going crazy over the boys and with each sang song, you feel yourself getting more and more hopeless about your future as a musician. Here you are on a Saturday night, robbed from a job you’ve worked hard for, watching five British boys take your place on the stage that’s supposed to be yours tonight. You catch Harry’s eyes quite often while he is on stage, he keeps glancing in your way, a hint of guilt glistening in his green irises as he sings their songs with perfect vocals. You can tell he feels bad for the situation and you didn’t make it any easier on him or any of the boys, but you’re not really one to beat around the bush. They deserved to know what others in the industry below them have to deal with every day. It’s not always as glamorous as people might think and you’re the living example of that.

You don’t stick around for long after the boys are done on stage, you help your bandmates pack their stuff and head home before Harry or any other members of One Direction can find you.

Walking past the news stand that’s on the corner of your street, you stop upon seeing your own face smiling back at you from the cover of People Magazine, the title catching your attention.

“Grammy nominee Y/N Y/L/N shares her secret to her one of a kind fashion style.”

Grabbing the magazine off the stand you pay for it and continue your way home, holding the copy to your chest with a warm feeling in your heart.

It’s been only a week since the nominations have come out, but it still feels like a dream. You didn’t just get nominated in the category of Best New Artist, but your album Hands of Power got nominated as Best Album and your biggest hit of last year, Sleepless is running for the title of Best song. Three nominations the first time earning a spot on the list. Not bad.

Just as you walk into your place, your phone buzzes, the ever so smiling face of your manager staring back at you from the screen.

“Hey!” you sing into the phone, holding it to your ear with your shoulder, taking off your boots as you walk further down the hallway.

“Are you home already?”

“Yes, just arrived.”

“Great, I’ll be there in ten,” she announces and ends the call. Chuckling you just shake your head, dropping the phone to the coffee table before you move to the bedroom and change into something more comfortable. The flared jeans looked fire on you today, but you rather wear something looser when you’re at home.

You barely have the time to start the water for a tea when Taylor storms through your door using her keys you’ve given her some time ago. She is wearing all white that looks fantastic with her almond skin tone, a knitted sweater tucked into a maxi skirt, paired with strappy heels, she is always so elegant and perfectly dressed for whatever occasion.

“I have knee-shaking news, girl!” she announces as she throws her purse to the couch before joining you in the kitchen.

“I’m going to be the next Bond girl?” you joke smiling to yourself as you get two mugs from the cupboard.

“Better than that!” she cheers. “You are going to perform at the Grammy’s, baby!” she screams throwing her hands into the air as your jaw drops to the floor.

“You’re not just kidding with me, right?!”

“I would never play such a dirty joke with you. It’s one hundred percent true, I had an hour long phone call with some bloke today and they want you.”

“Yes!” you scream in excitement, jumping up and down like a child that just got a pack of candy. “I’ll make the Grammy’s my bitch!” you cheer, making Taylor laugh.

“Alright, Miss Dominatrix. We still have a lot of things to discuss and there’s one more thing about the performance.”

“Oh God, is this the part where you say something that ruins it completely?” you sigh in defeat as you take the kettle and pour the water into the mugs, dropping a filter into each.

“I don’t think it ruins it,” she shakes her head, but you have a feeling you won’t like what she has to say. “They want it to be like a… joined performance. You’d start off with Sleepless, then it would kind of mesh into your partner’s song and they would end it with one of their own songs.”

“Okay, that doesn’t sound bad,” you nod.

“See?” she smiles warmly.

“Do we know who I’m going to perform with?”

“Harry Styles.”

You almost drop both mugs the moment the name is mentioned, but you manage to get them to the kitchen island and slip them to the counter, Taylor giving you a questioning look at your wide-eyed expression.

“Uh, I’m not sure that’s… gonna work,” you clear your throat.

“You’re not sure your duet with the biggest male artist can work? Why is that?”

Licking your lips you try to find the right words to say it, but you’re not even sure why you got so shocked over it. Probably because the last time you saw him, you were still nobody, playing gigs at no name bars and he took your spot on the stage with One Direction. It’s weird, but since you’ve finally made it in the industry, you haven’t crossed paths with him and this would be the first time you meet after seven years.

“I’m not sure if he remembers it, but we’ve met before.”

“You and Harry?”

“Yes. I was playing with The Gambits years ago, it was before I started putting out covers on my own. We were supposed to play at this bar but they cancelled on us, because One Direction was there that night and someone wanted them to play instead of us, so we lost the gig. I had a pretty… harsh conversation with him and the band, basically telling them that their pretty man privilege is what ruins the careers of talented women.” “Oh Jesus, Y/N. Why haven’t I heard of this before?” Taylor sighs leaning on her elbows on the countertop.

“Not that it’s something that would just come up in a conversation,” you shrug. “And as I said, he might not even remember it. It was a long time ago.”

“I know you are all about your rebellious past, good for you, but sometimes you’re making my job really fucking hard,” she sighs, grabbing her phone, already typing a message to God knows who. “Starting beef with Harry Styles before you even made a name for yourself? Who does that?”

“It’s not beef!” you protest. “I just gave them my piece of mind.”

“We’ll see what he thinks about it. I have to make a few calls,” she announces before walking out, already on the phone with someone.

Sitting on a stool, staring into your mug you think back at the time you met him. It feels like a lifetime ago when you were fighting to stay afloat, trying to make through the days, barely hanging on a thread. You didn’t know that five years later you’d sign your first record deal as a solo artist and seven years from that night, you’d be a Grammy nominee. It was a long and challenging time for sure with way more downs than ups until you finally got on track and you’ll never forget where you came from. Not when even as an acknowledged artist, you still face judgment and hatred no matter what you do. Being a solo female singer sometimes feels like harder than being president of the country and there are just so many things that need to change in the world of music, you will never stop fighting for girls that are in the same shoe you once were.

Through the years you’ve followed the career of the boys, especially Harry’s. You read about Zayn’s parting, their so-called hiatus and how they all went solo soon after. Genre-wise Harry’s work is what stands the closest to you, and you’ve witnessed all the backlash he has faced during his time in the spotlight. The shaming for whatever women he chose to date, his choice to get into acting and the way he has been dressing. People just don’t seem to understand they can’t have control over any of these and they’ve tried to bring him down one too many times, but he has been thriving lately, anyone can see that.

Your mug empties out by the time Taylor returns, taking her previous stop at the kitchen island.

“Alright, I set up a meeting with Harry and his manager for tomorrow. They still haven’t decided on the performance and apparently, Harry would like to meet you before giving his answer.”

“Oh God, he remembers me,” you growl under your breath.

“Or maybe he doesn’t and just wants to meet the person he is supposed to perform with. We can never know. We’re meeting them at his manager’s office at eleven tomorrow.”

One night is enough to make you go crazy over such a small thing as meeting someone. It’s not like you are nervous to see him because of who he is, it’s more about knowing what he thinks about you after all these years, in case he remembers you. He saw you as a struggling artist at rock bottom and though your encounter didn’t last long and he didn’t know you on a deeper, personal level, you still fear that he remembers and thinks that you’ve lost yourself over the years.

Authenticity has been a huge issue in your life. Early in your career, everyone wanted to change you. The way you dress, your hair, the style of music you write, nothing was good enough as it was, they wanted you to become someone else, someone who was not you. You fought all attempts until the right person came through and accepted you as yourself, but a tiny voice in the back of your mind kept telling you that they succeeded, that somewhere along the fight you did lose yourself and became what you always feared to be.

Meeting Harry is like meeting a piece of your past and having to face what you’ve become. It’s going to be like a mirror right in front of you and what you’ll see might not be what you expect.

Wearing your bright red dungaree with an oversized vintage shirt and a pair of white sneakers, you definitely don’t look like you’re dressed for a business meeting, but when did you ever? Pushing your hair back with a pair of cat eye shades, you leave a little earlier, knowing well traffic is horrible in these hours. You arrive to the office building just minutes before eleven, Taylor has already texted that she has arrived and which office you should come to. When you finally find the door you’ve been looking for, you take a moment to yourself before knocking.

“Come in!” a male voice calls out and you walk in. Taylor is sitting on the sofa that’s pushed against the wall on the left, a man is sitting behind the enormous desk and then there is Harry, standing by the window, his hands hidden in the pockets of his black slacks, and old Rolling Stones t-shirt hanging loosely on his frame as his eyes meet yours upon your arrival.

“Hey, I would say I’m sorry for being late, but I’m actually exactly on time,” you smirk, closing the door behind you. The man stands from the desk and walking around he meets at the front, holding a hand out for you.

“Perfectly on time,” he smiles warmly. “I’m Jeffrey Azoff, nice to meet you.”

“Y/N Y/L/N. Nice to meet you too.”

“And this here is Harry,” he motions towards the man who has stepped closer and as you look back at him, you’re met with a blank expression for a moment so you can’t figure out if he remembers you or not. But then, a tiny smile tugs on his lips as he holds his hand out for you.

“We’ve met before, right?” he simply questions, and your eyes flicker over to Taylor in a kind of “See? I told you!” manner before you look back at Harry and shake his hand.

“Yeah, we have,” you nod. “A long time ago.”

“Congrats for your nominations,” he smirks, his hand letting go of yours and your let out a soft chuckle.

“Well, thank you. Back at you.”

“Alright, why don’t we start this discussion? We have a lot to go over,” Jeff suggests and you sit beside Taylor while Harry stays near the window, as if he is trying to soak up the sunshine coming through it that’s painting his skin a golden shade.

The concept is simple. The performance would be a mashup from Sleepless and Harry’s song Golden with an exciting and fresh way of mixing the two songs together in the middle, making your song flow into his in a smooth and effortless way. The songs sound compatible and you already have an idea how to mash them together for the transition, but you can’t help but feel doubts over the performance.

“What are your concerns exactly?” Jeff questions.

“Not to come off too harsh, but why is my song the first one?” you ask, earning a few puzzled looks. “If Harry finishes it off, he is going to be the one people will remember more and he’ll get the applause as well. The riffs in the songs allow them to be switched, how come it’s not me who comes second?”

You can see the shock on Jeffrey’s face at how straight-forward you were about your concern and that you even dared to speak up about the issue. He clearly hasn’t had to face anything similar before and when he glances at Harry you follow his gaze as well, but instead of shock, what you see on his face is amusement. He is smirking, tapping his fingers against his chin as he stares back at you.

“She has a point,” he nods and you take a deep breath. For a moment, you really thought this is going to be the part where you are thrown off and Harry makes the performance only his.

“I, uhh—this is what’s been requested,” Jeff answers and you tilt your head.

“Okay, can we make a request to change it?” you simply ask, eyeing Taylor next to you who is typing on her iPad vigorously, taking notes of everything that’s said. She is already used to what you’re like, she is not even surprised you came up with the prompt to change.

“Hold on, so just because you want to be second, you get to be?” Harry questions, but he doesn’t come off as harsh, it seems like he is entertained by the conversation. “Does this mean I don’t deserve to be the second one?”

“That’s-That’s not what I meant,” you answer, taken aback from his accusation and you hate to admit, but he is right. You addressed the issue, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve the spot either.

“Alright, so then we need to seek a solution that benefits the both of us,” he offers, walking closer from the sunlight and you follow his every movement.

“We could do some kind of medley? Do an ultimate mashup from more songs and have more smaller parts split between us, finishing it together,” you suggest and he nods.

“That could work, but I have something else on my mind.”

“And what would that be?” Jeff asks, a little lost about the situation as he watches the two of you exchange ideas.

“We could write a song together, a duet, and perform that instead of our solo stuff.”

“What?” you snap right away. “You want to write a whole new song just for the Grammy’s?”

“Why not?” he smiles carefreely. “We have almost two entire months to do it, albums have been written in shorter periods, I’m sure we can handle just one song. And I think a collaboration would be a hit for the both of us now.”

You look at Taylor who just stares back at you, ignoring the panic in your eyes.

“Don’t look at me,” she tells you. “I can see the collaboration working, it could be a huge hit.”

“And what, we’re gonna release it as a single after the show? Whose song is it going to be? I don’t have an album coming up until next year, do you get to have it on your third one then?”

“We can put it out as just a single. No one has to have it on any albums,” Harry replies. “If we released it after the show, it would be just the right timing. Neither of us had any new songs out in a while.” Clenching your jaw you’re trying to find a way out of this collaboration, though you’re not even sure yourself why. Taylor sees right through you, knowing well you’re planning your escape, but she has other plans apparently.

“Y/N, let’s have a few words outside,” she pushes herself up and pulls you with her. Once the door is shut behind the two of you she starts right away. “What the fuck is your problem? The song is a huge thing, it would be an instant hit with him on it!”

“Why do I need a song with him to stay relevant?” you question, folding your arms on your chest.

“No one said it’s about that. But we both know it would be a great push to your name that Jordan has stomped over not so long ago, calling you a Feminist Nazi.”

“Don’t even fucking mention him!” you whisper yell, refusing to even think about that trashbag of a man that ruined your life with his fake accusations.

“Look, I know what you are thinking, that you’ll be seen as just an object next to him, a pair of boobs and nice legs, but that’s not his brand. He doesn’t need you to be sexy next to him, he is known for his honest and real works that go farther than just twerking and being a hoe. We both know he produces meaningful music, so why are you so against it?”

“I just… I-I’m scared to work with him,” you finally admit and it’s the first thing today that surprises Taylor.

“Scared? Thought you’re not scared of anything,” she huffs.

“I never said that,” you give her a look. “Harry met me when I was nobody, it was just me and my big mouth, trying to find my breakout. What if we start working together and he sees that I completely lost that version of myself? I would feel like a liar, an impostor.”

“You are overreacting,” Taylor sighs. “You’ve changed on your way here, but I doubt you are that far from the girl he met before. I know we didn’t meet just a few years after, but I can assure you, you’re still that big-mouthed pain in the ass who fights every norm in the industry like no one else.”

You know she is right, she is always right. Taylor knows you too well, that’s why you love working with her, but sometimes, her honesty throws you way off, especially when she is stating the truth.

The two of you rejoin the two men in the office and they both look at you with anticipation as you fold your arms on your chest and move your gaze over to Harry.

“I would… love to work on a song with you.”

When you agreed to work with Harry you didn’t think you’d find yourself heading over to his house a few days later to have a writing session, but he offered right away that day in the office and Taylor accepted it before you could protest. You’ve had a day filled with meetings and fittings and now you’re rolling up his driveway after punching the security code in that he shared with you over text.

You’ve exchanged numbers on the spot and just like that, you’ve become one of the few people on this world that could contact Harry Styles anytime they want to.

You chose to be casual for the occasion, wearing a pair of black sweatpants and a white hoodie, you like to be comfortable whenever you’re working on new music and Harry’s presence won’t change your ways about that. You’re not sure what to expect, if you’re being honest you’re still afraid of being alone with Harry and do such an emotional thing together as writing a song.

The front door opens just as you get out of your car, grabbing your bag from the passenger seat. Harry walks out wearing a pair of shorts and a green hoodie, looking like he hasn’t left the house all day.

“Hey, you found the address easily?” he asks smiling as you walk up to him.

“Yeah, everything went fine.”

“Do you want something to drink or eat maybe?” he offers as the two of you walk inside. If you’re being honest, you’re starving, the last time you had anything to eat was between two meetings around ten, but nothing since then, just a granola bar. But you’re a first time guest, you can’t just eat up his fridge, like you’re old pals, right?

However, Harry can see right through you.

“You haven’t had anything in a long time, right?” he softly asks and you purse your lips, feeling awkward already and you haven’t been here for more than two minutes. “I can make you a sandwich, if you’d like.” “Harry, no need, I—“ “No need, but I want to. Come on,” he nods at you, making you follow him into the kitchen. “So, who would have thought we would be here now, huh?” he smirks at you as he gathers the ingredients and starts working on your food while you sit on one of the stools at his kitchen island.

“Not me,” you admit chuckling. “I kind of didn’t think I would see you again, I mean, personally. I was seeing you a lot on TV after that.”

“Now might be a good time to confess that, that night wasn’t the last time I saw you.”

“What?”

“I went to one of your gigs a few weeks later. Stayed at the back, I just really wanted to see you play.”

“And what did you think?” you ask tilting your head to the side. Harry smirks, his eyes meeting yours before they return to the food under his hands.

“You absolutely smashed it. And I felt even worse for taking your time away that night. The people were robbed from a mind-blowing performance and had to see five annoying guys clown on the stage,” he laughs making you chuckle too. “I wasn’t surprised when your name surfaced a few years later. Knew you’d make it at one point.” He joins you at the island and slides the plate in front of you with a warm smile.

“Thank you,” you mumble smiling shyly before you start eating and only after the first bite you feel just how hungry you’ve been. “Now that we are at it, I want to apologize for the way I talked to you guys back then. I feel like I was a bigger asshole than I should have been and the whole situation wasn’t entirely your fault.”

“No need to apologize,” he shakes his head. “You were absolutely right. We had no business being on stage that night and what you said actually made us think about where we came from and appreciate our career more. You were right about having it easy at the beginning. We never had the phase where we had to push our way to the top like other artists, our first days were broadcasted on TV, giving us the biggest push ever.”

It’s good to hear he is not holding grudges against you for whatever went down in the past. You eat in silence while Harry types a response to a message on his phone before turning it with the screen down to pay his full attention to you.

“I actually just messaged Niall that we are working together and he is losing his shit over it,” he chuckles softly.

“You guys still talk?”

“Yeah, sometimes. Not all of us thought,” he adds, pressing his lips together.

“You miss being with the band?”

“It’s… good to rely on someone in certain situations. As a solo artist, you only have yourself and that’s about it. But I think you already know that.”

“I never really liked being in a band,” you admit.

“How come? I think you fit in well with The Gambits.”

You shrug, chewing on your bite slowly. It’s probably not the best time to admit that you prefer working on your own, when you’re about to get into a duet with him.

“I uhh… I always imagined myself being a solo artist and I just couldn’t stay with the guys too long, especially when I got my record deal.”

“Why?” Letting out a long breath you lick your lips looking at him.

“I would have never made it in a band with three guys. It would have always been about which one I’m sleeping with, who am I having an affair with or if I’m lesbian because I’m not hooking up with any of them. This is just how it goes for women.”

Harry stays quiet, taking your words in as you finish the sandwich that was literally lifesaving. You wash the plate even when he tells you to just leave it in the sink, and once that’s done, the two of you move over to his little home studio in the basement of his house.

“So, where do we start?” you ask, making yourself comfortable in one of the armchairs while he grabs an acoustic guitar and sits on the one next to you.

“How do you usually start writing?” he asks scratching his chin before he rests his hands on the body of the guitar.

“Well, most of the times I write when I’m pissed about something,” you huff and Harry smirks at you.

“Nothing pissed you off lately?”

“Not enough to make me write a song,” you point out. “See, this is one of the reasons why I was hesitant to write a song with you. It doesn’t come that easily for me.”

“And what were the other reasons?” You shut your mouth at his question, you weren’t expecting him to pick it up, but apparently, he listens more than you thought.

“It’s… a long story.”

“And we have all the time,” he smiles slyly. “But of course, don’t feel pressured to share. I just thought it would be nice to get to know each other more so we can work together easier.”

Harry starts strumming his guitar gently, playing random riffs as you watch him, chewing on your bottom lip. Taylor asked you to try and be more open than you usually are and though part of you wants to keep the wall high between you and him, something is telling you to try and reach out to him.

“I didn’t want to do it, because I didn’t want to be seen as just a pretty face next to you. In duets between a man and a woman, females are often seen as just an object, a sight for the eyes but not as serious artists. I worked hard to be taken seriously and I was hesitant about collaborating with you even though your music is not necessarily what I should fear.”

Harry looks back at you with an unreadable expression and you feel like he is judging you for standing up for yourself. Your fight for yourself is often mistaken as “being a bitch” or “being too sensitive” and the amount of times you’ve been told to just chill is upsetting.

“Well, good thing then that I won’t write music about twerking,” he then finally speaks up, a smile breaking his blank expression.

“But you do write a lot about sex,” you point out with a smirk.

“That I do, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be sexist at the same time.”

“You’re right,” you nod smiling.

 The writing process turns out to be harder than you thought. You’re not specifically inspired and Harry is the person to just throw things around until he finds something he likes. The two of you put together is kind of chaotic as you try to come up with something useful.

Two hours later you have a raw version of a melody that could serve as a chorus, but nothing else, no full melody, no lyrics. And if you’re being honest, you don’t like that chorus that much either.

“It’ll be fun to just stand on stage for three minutes and do absolutely nothing, because we couldn’t write anything,” you groan, sliding lower in your seat, rubbing your face with your hands.

“It’s literally our first session and we have plenty of time, Y/N. Don’t stress about it.”

“I don’t know how to do that.”

“You don’t know how not to stress?”

“I literally haven’t had a stressfree day since about 2007, so no, I don’t know.”

“You can’t chill even when you smoke?” he asks and you give him a puzzled look. “What, you smoke, don’t you?”

“Cigarettes? I put it down in 2015.”

“No, I’m not talking about cigarettes,” Harry chuckles softly. “You don’t smoke weed?” You shyly shake your head. “Really? I would have sworn you’re the type to relax with a good joint. Want to try it?”

“What? Now?” you ask with wide eyes.

“Why not?” he shrugs and walks over to the little side table in the corner of the room and reaching into it he simply pulls a little plastic bag out with three joints in them.

“Are you just casually keeping joints around your house?”

“I don’t really smoke them, they make me feel sleepy. But some of my friends like it so I keep a few around,” he explains as he takes one out and puts the rest back. “You want to try?”

“I-I’m not sure… I have to drive back home.”

“You can stay for the night, I have three guest bedrooms,” he shrugs before his eyes meet yours. “Again, not trying to pressure you, I’m just offering.”

“Are you gonna smoke?”

“We can share one if you want. I would recommend smoking one by yourself for the first time.”

“Okay,” you nod shortly as you watch him tip-tap the joint a little, rolling it between his fingers before he takes it between his lips and reaches for a lighter. “Wait, shouldn’t we do it somewhere outside? The smoke is gonna get stuck in here.”

Harry stops, thinking about what you said and he nods. Grabbing the guitar he asks you to follow him and the two of you move up and out to the terrace, sinking into his lounge chairs. You bring your knees up to your chest, hugging them tightly as you watch Harry light the joint and take the first few puffs. As he exhales the smoke he holds the joint out for you and you take it, hesitantly putting it between your lips as you inhale for the first time. You can’t help but scowl at the taste, the whole act of smoking feeling strange after years of smoking your last cigarette. You keep it down a little before puffing the smoke out and passing the joint back to Harry.

You keep switching until you make it past half of it and you finally start to feel the effect of it. You feel light, like you’re floating in the pool that’s in front of you, you can almost feel the water touching your skin yet you’re still dry.

“How are you feeling?” Harry asks, blinking at you with hooded eyes.

“I’m feeling… fine,” you chuckle softly as you take the joint from him and drag from it again. “Do you do other drugs?”

“I’ve done shrooms a few times, not often though. I’m not trying to pick up an addiction,” he smiles softly, running a hand through his hair. “Have you done anything?”

“No,” you shake your head. “Didn’t have the money for it before and then didn’t have time later. But I never really felt the need either.”

“And you said you put down the cigarette as well?”

“Yeah. I knew I had to do that sooner or later, it was starting to change my voice and I couldn’t have that.”

“That’s what we always told Louis, that his voice will turn to shit if he keeps smoking,” Harry chuckles softly, dragging from the joint before he passes it over to you, not much left of it.

“Did he ever stop?”

“I think he put it down when his son was born, but I don’t know if he started again.”

You give the joint back for him to finish it and you watch him put it out in the ashtray before he sinks down in the lounge chair, closing his eye for a bit, breathing steadily. You find it amusing how you can still see the guy that handed you a check years ago at that bar, trying to make things right, but he also looks like a completely different person at the same time. He is more mature and open in his mindset and just the way he approaches things in general. The Harry you met seven years ago was still searching his way, but the version lying next to you now is a lot more confident in who he really is.

“Want to take a picture?” he hums keeping his eyes closed.

“What?”

His eyes peel open and turn to face you, a smug smirk on his lips.

“You’ve been staring at me. Take a picture, it lasts longer.”

“You are way too full of yourself,” you scoff and pushing yourself up from the lounge chair you walk over to the edge of the pool, mesmerized by the way the light is dancing on the surface.

You never really thought about what weed would feel like in your system, but it feels oddly tranquil and relaxing. In a way your body feels a little strange, like it’s not even yours, but you also sense everything very… loudly.

“You alright?” you hear Harry’s voice coming from behind, the tapping on his feet signaling that he is walking closer to you.

“Yeah,” you nod without taking your eyes off of the water.

“Do you want to go for a swim?”

“What?” you breathe out turning to face him.

“Do you want to go in?” he rephrases his question with a small smile.

“I don’t… have a bathing suit,” you answer and the moment the words leave your mouth they feel so ridiculous even when you were just stating the truth.

“Okay, but you are wearing underwear, aren’t you?” he smirks. “Or I’m completely fine if you want to go in naked,” he adds smugly.

“Shut up,” you chuckle. “Can you… maybe give me a pair of shorts? I’m fine without a bra when I come out but I would rather have my underwear on dry.”

“Sure,” he hums and turning around he jogs back into the house while you stay right there, staring at the water again.

With each passing moment you get calmer, the outside world and everything in life that’s not happening right in this moment eases into nothingness, your mind numbs in the best way possible.

When Harry returns he is wearing a pair of yellow swimming shorts, two towels are thrown over his shoulders and he has a pair of white shorts in his hands.

“This is the smallest thing I have, I think it’ll be fine,” he comments handing you the shorts.

“Thanks,” you nod before he shows you the way to the closest bathroom where you change out of your clothes leaving them in a neatly folded pile on the counter, you put on the shorts that are a little big on you, but once you’ve tied the strings it seems to be staying up steadily. Your simple black bra is not showing more than what a bikini top would, so you feel fine walking out in your attire.

Harry is sitting at the edge of the pool, his legs moving around in the water. His head lifts hearing your steps and he smiles at you, standing up when you arrive.

“Fits fine,” he nods, taking a look at the shorts.

“Yeah,” you chuckle.

Walking over to the steps you dip your feet in first, testing the temperature before you start going in further, Harry following you right behind. Just as you expected, the water feels smooth against your skin, warmly caressing and swallowing your body as you get in, the surface reaching your chest. You let your arms move around, feel how the water runs through your fingers, it’s amusing and you enjoy it probably more than you should. It’s just water, but right now it feels like a pile of clouds.

“I know I suggested to smoke and then swim, but please don’t drown into my pool, I won’t be able to talk myself out of that,” he chuckles, easing him into the water until it reaches his neck.

“My life is in your hands, Harry,” you smirk at him before you follow him and let the water swallow your whole body up to your neck.  “This feels so nice.”

“Yeah? You like it?” he smirks.

“Mm, like I’m… floating through space.”

“In a sense, you are floating in the water,” he chuckles. “You don’t feel sick, right?”

“No, I’m fine,” you smile at him shortly.

You move over to the edge of the pool, laying your arms to the side, holding yourself up so your legs could float in the water. You watch Harry dive under and swim across the pool, reaching the far end before he pushes himself over to you.

“When I went to see you perform there was a song I really liked, but I never found it anywhere later.”

“Which one?”

“The chorus went like… Crashing and crumbling, I’m fighting for my breath, Today won’t be the day I’m meeting death…”

You suck on your breath, surprised how well he remembered the lines even after so many years. He recalled them perfectly, even singing the melody a little with them.

“I never recorded it in studio,” you admit quietly.

“Why not?”

“Because it felt too emotional and I didn’t want it to be just out there.”

“What was the name of the song?”

“It’s called Till I Die. I wrote it when…” You take a deep breath, feeling heavy just by talking about it, but something is urging you to share it with him. “I left from home right after I graduated high school, broke contact with my parents completely and I had a few very rough years, trying to just… keep myself alive, I guess.”

“Can I ask why you left your parents?”

“We had very different visions of what I should become. And I didn’t intend to live the life they imagined for me. My parents are very… traditional, my career in their eyes is just some kind of circus when I’m the clown on the stage. They don’t take any of it seriously and they made it very clear at the beginning that they don’t want me to become a musician. I was supposed to become a surgeon, my dad is one and my mom is in criminal law, they both worked very hard to get to where they are, but they don’t think that’s exactly what I’m doing as well.”

The last person you shared it with was Taylor and though it feels odd to open up about these old wounds again, but having Harry as the one listening to you just feels right.

“You haven’t talked to them since you left?”

“No,” you shake your head.

“And they didn’t even try to contact you?”

“Well, I made sure they couldn't. Changed my number first thing I set my feet outside the house and I never left them any of my addresses. I know it sounds cruel, but I didn’t want to do anything with them after the shaming they put me through when I told them I don’t want to become their perfect little daughter. They told me that I could consider myself disowned from the family if I dare to even write a song.”

“Woah, that sounds really tough.”

“It was,” you nod. “I wasn’t asking them to support me in any other way apart from just being there for me. It’s not like I wanted to spend the money the put aside for my tuition to buy guitars and tour the country, I just wanted them to… accept who I am, but apparently, I asked for too much.”

You feel tears forming in your eyes, but you wipe them quickly. It’s been long since the last time you let the thought of your parents, you’ve been good at keeping these feelings bottled up and in the deepest end of your mind. It’s not like you’re going around and just share your trauma with anyone you meet, but it felt comfortable to share it with Harry.

“I’m sorry about that. Everyone should have a support, especially in our job.”

“I had… myself,” you chuckle bitterly. “Became pretty good at relying only on myself.”

“I’m guessing it’s another reason why you prefer working alone, right?” he smiles at you softly.

“You could say that,” you nod into the water.

“I know it’ll sound cheesy, but… if you ever want to talk, I’m here,” he offers.

“Oh, are we becoming friends?” you ask chuckling.

“We’ve known each other for long enough to be friends, am I right?” he smirks, splashing some water in your way.

“We met a long time ago, but that doesn’t mean we know each other. Everything I know about you is from articles and gossip sites and I think you can only say the same thing,” you point out.

“Okay, then let’s get to know each other.”

“What, do you want to play 21 questions now or something?” you huff.

“Damn right,” he smirks.

And that’s exactly what you do. Swimming around in the pool you ask each other questions, some are funny, some are more serious and you slowly start to get to know each other, seven years after meeting for the first time, but in a way it feels like it’s been just last week when you were talking in the alleyway.

The weed soon dies down in your system, leaving you incredibly tired and it’s only then you realize it’s already past one am. Pulling out of the pool, you both grab a towel drying yourselves up before making your way back into the house.

“The guest bedroom next to mine has a bathroom so I think that’s the best one. I can give you something to sleep in if you’d like,” Harry offers as you follow him down the hallway.

“I think I’m fine in my sweats, but thank you.” He shows you the room, tells you how to change the AC if you feel too cold or hot and then bidding goodbye he is about to go to his own room when you stop him.

“Thank you for… today. I know we didn’t get far with the song, but… I liked hanging out with you,” you admit with a shy smile, leaning against the doorframe.

“Don’t worry about the song, it’ll be fine. And I liked it too. We can make it a regular thing, if you want. You can come over, we’d chill and try to cook up something for the song.”

“I, uhh… Yeah, that sounds good,” you nod, he shoots you a smile before turning around and disappearing in his room.

The morning doesn’t turn out at all any awkward, especially because you don’t get to stay around too long. You have a meeting at eleven so you have to leave in time to go home and get changed before that. Harry makes you coffee, which is lifesaving, the two of you sit at the terrace as you drink it and you arrange to meet in two days to try and have another, hopefully more successful session for the song.

You genuinely enjoyed your time with Harry and to think that you didn’t only smoked weed for the first time with him, but also opened up about your parents, you feel a kind of connection forming and you can only hope you’re not gonna regret it later.

You move on with work after leaving from Harry’s that morning, you have some fittings for upcoming photoshoots and an interview scheduled, so there’s not much time for you to sit around. Tonight you’re supposed to meet Harry again at his place for another session and you feel buzzed about it. You meet Taylor for lunch, sitting on the terrace of your usual place she is talking you through everything that’s coming up the next week, just like you always do so then you can put work aside and have a real chat.

“So how did the writing session go?” she asks, digging into her salad that she always asks with extra chicken.

“The writing? Not so well. But we had a good time,” you truthfully admit.

“Good, good! You’re finally making friends!” Taylor grins, satisfied with the news. You just roll your eyes at her, turning back to your food right when you notice that your phone has been blowing up with notifications.

Huffing you grab it from the table with the pure intention of muting it down completely, but then you see that several people have texted you the same link and it bugs your curiosity so you open one of the messages and tap on the link.

“You have got to be kidding me,” you groan, feeling your rage already pushing up your spine, clouding your vision in red.

“What?” Taylor snaps, reaching for her phone out of reflex.

“That fucking asshole dragged my name again!”

“Who? Jordan? That fucker never learns?” Taylor hisses, her thumbs vigorously typing on the screen immediately.

“Someone asked him about me on Twitter and he dared to call me a lying bitch! I can’t fucking believe this man!”

You and Jordan worked together on a project a while ago. You were supposed to write lyrics to a song he was composing and it was meant for an upcoming popular Netflix show, so the anticipation around the song was huge, especially when word got out that Ariana Grande might end up singing it. During your time working together he very blatantly tried to hit on you, which you politely shut down, because one, you didn’t intend to date someone you were working so close with and two, you just simply weren’t into him. However, he couldn’t take rejection the way a mature, almost thirty years old man should. It started off very subtly, but once you’ve had a chat with him to stop posting obnoxious and suggesting things about you on his social media, because it’s making it hard for you to be taken seriously as an artist and that people will just see you as another celeb which you don’t want to be, he just completely lost his shit. He called you different names on Twitter a few times, the worst were Feminist Nazi and a cock teasing slut, and he just somehow never fails to mention that you lied about your intentions with him, when you were clearer than daylight that you didn’t want a thing from him other than work.

When you realized he isn’t going to be stopping anytime soon, you took him to court, dragged his ass in front of the judge and won the case, which ended with him having to pay you thirty thousand dollars and he was ordered to clear all his platforms from your name for good. You really thought that taught him a lesson, especially because against your will, the case got some publicity and he ended up making headlines about the fault accusations he made about you, but it seems like he didn’t have enough.

You wouldn’t worry that much about his new tweet, knowing that he is the one lying, but the trials took a toll on you. It was at the beginning of the time when you were making yourself a name and even though you won, his accusations stung for some people and some even thought him to be the victim. You fell out of two brand deals and an important interview in the upcoming months which was a major setback and all for what? Because a man couldn’t accept rejection? The sad part is that if it would have happened the other way around, he wouldn’t have had to suffer any effect of it, people don’t tend to question a man’s words when he is showing this charming and nice persona to the public. If you accused him the same way you would have been dragged and titled as a sour crybaby and Jordan’s life would have carried on the same way.

The peaceful lunch soon falls through as Taylor turns on her beast mode to at least get the tweet down as soon as possible, already contacting the legal team you worked with before. It has to be against what you agreed on at the end of the trials, he can’t just go around and drag you again without any consequences.

In just about twenty minutes, the tweets disappear from Jordan’s feed, but you know it was already late the moment he posted it. If something gets out on the internet it never goes away, there are probably hundreds if not thousands of screenshots floating around that will preserve his words forever.

You part ways Taylor as he heads to an immediate meeting with the lawyers you worked together previously, she tells you to try not to worry about it, but you can’t just turn it off in you, that’s not how it works.

Making your way home you keep riling yourself up about it, thinking about what it’s gonna cause you this time, what opportunity is going to be taken because a man has called you a lying bitch, even after winning the previous trial against him that proves how big of an asshole he really is.

Changing into a casual attire you head to Harry’s place a little earlier, hoping it’s not a problem you get there an hour before you were supposed to. Arriving you’re a little taken aback seeing that there is another car parking on the driveway that’s not his and you immediately regret coming here, but before you could leave, the front door opens and Harry walks out. You couldn’t have left without noticing, the security system must have signaled your arrival when you punched the opening code in.

“Hey, everything alright?” he asks instead of questioning your early arrival.

“I uhh—I’m sorry for being early, I could go—“

“Don’t be silly, come on in!” he waves at you and you walk up the stairs. “Two friends are here but they were just about to leave soon,” he explains as you walk in.

“Sorry for crashing the party,” you let out a soft chuckle.

“The more the merrier,” he smiles. “You seem a little stressed, everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just… It’s nothing,” you shake your head.

“Oh my God, is that who I think it is?” you hear a woman’s voice from behind and turning around you see a smiley brunette walking towards you, a shy looking guy following behind her.

“Sarah, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is Sarah, my drummer, and that wanker over there is Mitch, my guitarist.”

“Nice to meet you.” Shaking hands with both of them you realize they look familiar from pictures you’ve seen from Harry’s tour.

“I saw that ugly tweet today, that guy needs to be kicked in the balls,” Sarah sighs with a sympathetic smile, Harry’s ears perking up.

“What tweet?” he asks, eyes switching between you and Sarah.

“Oh, just… Jordan Wells thinks it’s fine to drag people with absolutely no truth behind his words,” you answer with a tight-lipped smile.

“Jordan Wells? The name rings a bell,” Harry hums.

“He is a music producer,” Mitch chimes in.

“I think he was supposed to write for 1D one time, but the deal fell through. Guess we didn’t miss out on anything,” he jokes and it brings a genuine smile to your face.

“You surely didn’t,” you comment under your breath.

You chat with Sarah and Mitch for a bit before they decide to head out, but Sarah asks you to come around sometime they are hanging out and you gladly say yes, wanting to know her and Mitch better, they seem like great company and even greater musicians, it’s always good to meet people who are like you.

As Harry walks his friends out you make yourself comfortable on the couch, reading Taylor’s texts about the update on the recent actions, she has gotten in contact with Jordan’s team and legal steps will be taken if Jordan doesn’t show any sign of improvement in the very near future.

“Hey, want something to drink? Wine or beer maybe?” Harry walks in as you look up from your phone.

“Wine sounds fucking fantastic,” you breathe out earning a soft chuckle from him. You follow him into the kitchen and watch him get a bottle of white wine with two glasses. “I hope Sarah and Mitch didn’t leave early because of me.”

“Oh, not at all. They knew you’d be coming over and would have left around this time, so don’t worry about it.”

He joins you at the kitchen island with the two glasses handing you one and you take a sip from it with a satisfied hum.

“So, want to talk about this Jordan ordeal?”

“There’s not much to talk, really,” you shrug. “He is a jerk and I just can’t seem to get rid of him and I didn’t even date the guy…”

“What did he do this time?”

“Oh, he just casually called me a lying bitch on Twitter, so that’s fun,” you let out a fake laugh, raising your glass before taking a big swig from it.

“Not that creative, if you’re asking me,” he jokes making you laugh. “It’s a very plain choice of words.”

“Yeah, not as good as his best which was calling me a feminist nazi.”

Harry almost chokes on his wine as you say the words, coughing a little while you watch him with an entertained smirk.

“That’s… an interesting way to express his opinion about you,” he answers diplomatically.

“Right? I was thinking about getting a sign of it, like a Live, Love, Laugh one, in the middle of my living room.”

“Would be a wonderful touch of décor,” he smirks. “Alright, I have a proposal for today’s session.”

“Shoot it.”

“You seemed to enjoy your weed experience the last time, I thought we could give it a try again, but we would try to write this time as well.”

“You want to write while smoking?” you ask raising your eyebrows at him.

“Only if you want to. I just thought it would relax you a bit, might even come up with some interesting ideas for the song.”

“Are you trying to turn me into an addict?” you narrow your eyes at him and he just holds his hands up innocently.

“Told you, no pressure,” he smirks angelically.

“I feel like I’m not even coming here to work but to meet with my new dealer,” you chuckle making him laugh. “Okay, we can… give it a try.”

 An hour and one joint per person later the two of you are lounging in his living room, he is sprawled out on the loveseat with a guitar on his arms while you are curled upon the sectional, fumbling with the strings of your hoodie.

“We should just… fucking steal a song,” you snort, finding your comment hilarious.

“Which one were you thinking about?” Harry smirks your way, his fingers gently strumming some random melody on the instrument.

“I really want to have a Madonna song to be mine,” you sigh dreamily.

“You’re a fan?”

“Oh, I grew up on her. I have an elaborate choreography for Hung Up,” you snort.

“You need to perform it for me.”

“No fucking way,” you laugh shaking your head. “Not even weed can make me dance for you.”

“Come on, I need to see that choreography, you can’t just hint it and then never show it to me!”

“Nah, not happening,” you laugh, sliding lower down in your seat, your head resting against the armrest of the couch.

You listen to him play the same melody over and over again with your eyes closed and though you really like what you are hearing, no words are forming in your mind that could serve as lyrics. Your phone buzzes on the cushion next to you and grabbing it you see a text from Taylor.

Taylor: Lawyers are on the case, we’ll have more tomorrow, don’t stress about it too much. Night! Xx

Sighing you drop the device back next to you, covering your eyes with your arms.

“You alright?” Harry softly asks.

“Nah, I just want to… disappear,” you sigh, tired of this fight you’ve been fighting for way too long.

“Is this about Jordan? He is a fucking ass, most people know it.”

“But not everyone!” you snap throwing your hands up. “And that fraction that still believes that he is saying the truth is enough to ruin my life. I’m fucking fed up with the injustice women have to face because of the patriarchy we are forced to live in!” Pushing yourself up you run a hand through your hair, hugging your knees to your chest. “It’s so fucking upsetting, like everything I do goes straight down the drain because of one little thing and I’m stuck with trying to rebuild my whole future plan.”

From a sudden urge, you move down to the floor, lying down on the fluffy rug that runs under the couches and the glass coffee table. It feels nice, kind of grounding to lie flat on the floor, especially because your senses are all messed up again because of the weed, but in a good kind of way.

“You worry way too much on longterm things. Try to stay in the moment a little more,” Harry tells you, putting the guitar to the side so he can move his feet to the floor, leaning onto his knees. “You can’t control this much what happens in the future, you should only care about today. And today, you’ve done good, you made it through another day, you did what you had to do and that’s it. Stressing about tomorrow or the next week or next year is just way too much to deal with all the time, twenty-four-seven, three-six-five, that’s just no way to live.”

Lying on the floor you stare up at the ceiling seemingly blankly, but your mind starts to swirl over what he just told you. The worlds are running around, mixing and mingling until something starts to form, making you gasp.

“Grab the guitar,” you tell him, sitting up abruptly. He pulls his eyebrows together, but does as you told him to, holding the instrument on his lap as he waits for you to instruct him more. “Play that… that melody you’ve been playing, but a little faster.”

He turns his attention at the guitar, trying the strings out a few times, feeling the melody under his fingers before he starts playing it just how you asked as you slowly start to sing the lines you have just thought about.

“You made it through… another day, you made it through another day… You did it, let’s celebrate…”

The lines fit perfectly with the melody he has come up with and the more you sing, the wider his smile grows as you move along in the forming song.

“Some days you feel you’ll break, but you made it through another day, yeah, you did it, let’s celebrate…”

“Don’t fucking stop!” he chimes in, never stopping the riffs, trying out new things as you go, slowly perfecting it together with the lyrics.

“Twenty-four-seven and three-six-five, you made another day, you made it alive! Made another day made it alive!” You sing loud and clear, completely lost in the melody Harry is playing, the lines just flowing out of you, like a dam has been taken down and now everything washes over you at once.

When the chorus is about to come up however you run out of ideas, your eyes meet Harry’s and he sees that you’re stuck. His eyebrows knit together, tongue runs along his lips before he starts playing the melody of the chorus and takes over the singing as well.

“So today, baby, remember it’s okay! We’re all floating through space, today, baby, remember you’re okay! We’re all floating through space…”

He plays a little with the lines, repeats them, tries a few times before he stops singing, you are now standing up, watching him end the melody, neither of you saying a word as he room grows silent. A sudden urge drives you to go closer and you sit back down to the floor in front of him, your eyes casting over the now silent instrument on his lap. Looking up your eyes meet his and you feel like the air is kicked out of your lungs.

You’ve heard so much about moments when you feel yourself pulling towards someone, when it’s like a magnetic field but you never actually experienced it until now. Staring back at Harry you feel that pull everyone has talked about and you finally understand what they were trying to say. It’s like there’s a string coming from your chest that’s connected to him and he is tugging it without even doing anything.

Reaching forward he tugs a loose strand of hair behind your ear, his fingers dancing down the side of your face as you catch his eyes wander down to your lips. Sucking on your breath you feel the moment, you know what he is thinking about because you think about the exact same thing. Kissing him. You are desperate to find out what his lips feel against yours, what he tastes like, what it’s like to have him so close to you.

“You want to kiss me,” you whisper and it’s not a question, more like an observation.

“I do,” he admits with a soft smile, but doesn’t move closer. “Can I?”

“I don’t think it’s an appropriate thing to do in our situation,” you breathe out, though you don’t agree with the statement fully.

“You think too much,” he chuckles softly, leaning closer just a tad bit, but there are still a few inches between the two of you. “Do you want to kiss me?”

“Yes,” you admit.

“Then we should just do what we want to,” he suggests with a small smirk and he looks ridiculously handsome with his dimples and shining green eyes that are glued to you.

“And then what? We’ll just go on like it never happened or there’s going to be more happening? How are we supposed to—“

You don’t get to finish, because Harry closes the distance between you and him and presses his lips against yours, swallowing the rest of your stammering speech. Whatever doubts and hesitation you felt just a moment ago, it all vanishes into nothing as you melt into his kiss, his lips caressing yours gently, softly capturing them, savoring and tasting you with caution, giving you the chance to pull back anytime, but nothing in your body can make you stop kissing him in this moment.

His palms cup your jaw as you push yourself up, slowly making your way to straddle his lap after he has blindly put the guitar to the side, hands coming to rest on his shoulder for leverage. His other hand grips your waist, pulling you close until your chest is pressed up against his, lips never disconnecting in the kiss.

Kissing him feels like second nature, like it’s not even the first but the hundredth time, but on the other hand, every touch and tiny sparkle is so new and unusual, you’ve never felt like this before.

Harry slowly pulls back, pecking your lips a few more times before he stops, nuzzling his nose against you in an adorable and innocent way that brings a smile to your lips.

“Doesn’t it feel good to just do whatever you feel like doing?” he asks with a soft smile, making you laugh.

“Kind of.”

“Nothing has to change. Or something can, it’s up to you.”

“You are so upsettingly cool and respectful,” you blurt out chuckling and it makes him laugh, his head falling back against the back of the couch.

“I’m sorry, I guess?” he smirks with a shrug.

“See? Respectful!” you grin, your hands moving up to cup his face. The pad of your thumbs gently tap against his dimples that are showing thanks to the wide smile on his lips right now. You can’t stop yourself from leaning down and kissing him again, even though your rational side is trying to make you stop. You just can’t, his lips are screaming to be kissed and who are you to deny that?

You’ve been running errands all day. Following an early meeting you ran to your favorite vintage store to get another armchair for your living room. Then you went grocery shopping because your fridge has been ridiculously empty the past two days and later you had a quick fitting for a few outfits you are supposed to wear in the near future. You’ve ran into a few fans too, having small chit-chats with them, taking photos, so it’s been a busy day.

It’s been a week since you and Harry have kissed and despite your fears, it hasn’t been awkward at all. He didn’t bring it up, but you don’t feel like he is pretending it never happened, which is kind of a great balance. He is giving you just enough time and space to figure out what it really meant to you, because quite frankly, you have no idea.

Obviously, you find him attractive. You’d have to be completely blind to say that he is not handsome and just simply good to look at. You’re attracted to him and not just to his looks, but to his whole persona.

It’s just you’re not sure it’s a smart idea to start anything with the man you’re working with and though you know Harry is nothing like Jordan, part of you is still scared the whole thing will happen all over again if you get involved with another man from the industry.

Workwise, everything is going well. You’ve successfully finished the song you started that ominous evening and have started recording it in Harry’s home studio, working some more on the melody, bringing a lot more into it than just a single guitar. What more, you’ve been coming up with new ideas for other songs, lyrics popping up in either your or Harry’s head and you just keep sharing them with each other, saving them for later once the song for the Grammy’s is done.

Heading back to your place you get a call from Harry, his smiley face appearing on the screen of your face as you accept the call and his accent fills the car through the speakers that are connected to your phone through Bluetooth.

“Hey, hope I’m not calling in the middle of a meeting,” he greets you and you can tell he is smiling.

“No, I’m just on my way home. What’s up?”

“I’m meeting with Sarah and Mitch for dinner tonight, thought you’d like to join us.”

“I wouldn’t want to intrude on your time with your friends, I feel like you’ve been spending all your time with me.”

“But I like spending time with you,” he chuckles softly, a blush making its way to your cheeks at his words.

“Are you sure you want me there? What about Sarah and Mitch? I crashed your last meeting with them as well.”

“You didn’t crash anything, Y/N. And I’m positive I want you there, I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t. And just so you know, Sarah asked if you’d be joining us, so I assume they wouldn’t mind it either.”

“Oh, well, okay then. Send me the time and place.”

“Wonderful!” he beams, his enthusiasm making your chest warm.

By the time you arrive home he has already texted you the details and you have just one hour to spare before you have to head out. You opt for a quick shower and an outfit change, switching up your ripped mom jeans and simple t-shirt to one of your favorite jumpsuits. It’s a little baggy, but the waist is cinched in with an inbuilt corset, giving the whole fit a very interesting twist.

Arriving at the restaurant Harry has texted you the address of, the waiter escorts you to the terrace at the back that’s a lot more secluded and you feel yourself relaxing that you probably won’t get photographed. Harry is the only one who is already at the table, sitting with his eyes fixed on his phone, but he immediately puts it aside when he sees you approaching, a wide smile stretching across his face.

“Hey! You look amazing!” he greets you pulling you into a quick hug.

“Thank you,” you smile shyly. He is wearing a pair of brown slacks, a simple white shirt tucked into it, a knitted cardigan thrown on, a typical Harry outfit. “And thanks for the invite,” you add as you take the seat next to him, assuming Sarah and Mitch would like to sit next to each other.

“Don’t even mention it. We’re friends, it’s really nothing. I’m glad you could make it.”

The way he called you friends is giving you mixed feelings. Part of you is happily jumping up and down at the fact that he considers you as a friend, given how you don’t have many of those. It’s been hard opening up to anyone since you’ve made a name for yourself, you’ve ran into occasions a lot when people wanted more than just your friendship from you and it made you rather closed off when it comes to making friends.

On the other hand, you can’t help but feel a little disappointed. Is that all you are? Just friends? More importantly, is that all you want to be, or more?

Sarah and Mitch arrive soon after, joining you at the table and the waiter takes the orders before leaving the four of you alone. It seems like they genuinely like it that you’ve joined, so you can enjoy the evening a little more relieved.

Sipping on some amazing wine, you eat and talk and you feel like you’ve known these people your whole life. You especially like Sarah, she is so open-minded and funny and you think they make a great couple with Mitch who is obviously more closed off, but it’s obvious how much he worships his girlfriend.

Sometime in the evening, when you’ve already had two glasses of Chardonnay and you’re feeling a lot more relaxed and comfortable, you move closer to Harry without even noticing, leaning against him gently and his hand rests on your knee, giving it a soft squeeze under the table, making you want to move even closer to him to feel more of his touch, to get more of him.

Neither Sarah, nor Mitch questions the two of you being a little cozier and you’re thankful for the safe and stressfree environment they are providing, not making you overthink what you do, just letting you enjoy the moment.

At the end of the evening, you can’t shake the thought that you don’t want to say goodbye to Harry just yet. He pays for everyone’s dinner, leaving a generous tip for the waiter and you stay back at the table while Sarah runs out to the restroom and Mitch takes a quick call from his father, leaving you alone with Harry. His hand is still resting on your leg, a little farther up, but still in a very safe zone in the middle of your thigh.

Turning to face him your eyes meet his, his green irises glistening in the soft lighting and he looks so beautiful, you just want to kiss him again.

“Do you have plans after this?” you find yourself asking.

“Not that I know of.”

“Do you want to come over to my place?”

“That sounds like a nice plan,” he smiles at you warmly and you just know that if you weren’t out in the public, he would have leant in for a kiss and you wouldn’t have stopped him.

When Sarah and Mitch return all four of you head out and they don’t question when you follow Harry to his car. They say goodbye and Sarah makes you promise to join them some other time too and you happily say yes to the invitation.

Not much is being said on the way back to your place, he plays some music quietly as you navigate him through the streets.  

“Welcome to mi casa,” you smile as you key the two of you into your apartment you’ve been living in for the past few years.

It’s nothing luxurious, just a tad bit bigger than what one person would need as a home. You would have been fine living in your previous home you lived in before you’ve gained fame, but you needed a much bigger closet so you were forced to move. It’s a two bedroom apartment with one big bathroom, an open concept kitchen and a spacious living room. And of course, a closet as big as your bedroom. It’s the perfect size and you haven’t even thought about buying a bigger place just because you can, it would be a waste of money and space. The interior is very much vintage with all your mismatched furniture and colorful walls, but you think it’s quite cozy and just the ideal space for you.

“Would you like something to drink?” you ask, walking into the kitchen to get yourself some water.

“Some water would be great, thank you.”

Filling up two glasses you hand him one as you lean against the counter, silently eyeing each other. It should be clear to him that you had intentions with asking him to come over, especially after being your cozy with each other during dinner, but you’re a little lost in what you should or even want to do. You just know you want him close.

He drinks up his water, his eyes meeting your gaze as a small smirk tugs on his cherry lips.

“You want to kiss me,” he states, using the exact same words you used the night when you kissed for the first time.

“I do,” you nod, feeling a little breathless.

“Then do it,” he simply answers, making you smile.

“Cool and respectful, as always,” you grin at him as he moves closer, stopping just a few inches away from you, your feet almost touching. Reaching up his fingers gently caress the side of your face and you feel yourself already melting under his touch.

“You’re beautiful,” he murmurs, a shiver running down your spine at his words. You close your eyes for a moment, giving yourself the chance to pull out of it, but you realize you don’t want that, not even the tiniest bit. Opening your eyes they meet with his gaze before you move closer, closing the distance between you and him, lips meeting in a warm and chaste kiss.

Though it grows a little hungrier, you can tell he is still holding back a little, giving you the chance to stop whenever you want to, but you don’t intend to. Pushing yourself closer to him, your arms curl around his neck as his hands grip your waist, your tongue meeting his as you deepen the kiss and melt into his embrace.

Pulling back you grab his hand and head to the bedroom, going back to kissing him the moment you reach it. You easily slide his cardigan off his broad shoulders, pulling his t-shirt out of his pants before taking it completely off, throwing it somewhere to the side. You smirk against his lips, hands wandering down his naked chest and you can’t push down a moan as you feel the warmth of his chest muscles under your touch.

When you feel him try to blindly figure out how to get you out of your jumpsuit with not much luck and this clears your head for a moment to realize what is about to happen. Pulling back your gaze meets his and he stares back at you with caution, ready to stop whenever you tell him to, but that’s not what made you pull back.

“Harry, I…” “We don’t have to do anything,” he softly tells you, his fingers dancing down the side of your face until they reach your chin and he pulls you in for a delicate and slow kiss.

“I want to,” you whisper. “It’s just that… I want you to know that I’ve never… I’ve never been with a man before.”

Searching in his eyes you look for any sign of what’s going on in his head wishing you could just simply read his thoughts.

“You’ve never been with a man?” he asks, seemingly not as surprised as you expected him to be. You nod, licking your lips, waiting for any kind of reaction, a part of you expecting to be upset, though you know he has no right to be mad at you for any of it. “Do you want me to be the first man?” he then asks, with a loving and warm smile as his hand on your hip pulls you against him playfully.

“Yes.”

“Then help me get you out of this jumpsuit, because I can’t figure it out for my life,” he chuckles making you laugh too.

You show him where the corset opens and then get you out of it with joined forces, finally leaving you standing in just your underwear. Harry’s gaze runs down your body, a look of hunger and passion shining through his green irises as he pulls you close again, kissing you with a lot more vigor this time.

Soon enough, his slacks slip to the floor and you climb to your bed, Harry following closely, climbing on top of you before rejoining your lips. Your knees open up wide for him, allowing him to sink his hips between your thighs, his crotch meeting your heated center, a moan slipping out your lips when you feel his erection rubbing against you through the material of your underwear. He kisses his way down your jawline and neck, gently sucking on the soft skin, peppering kisses along your collarbones before he reaches your chest. He easily unclasps your bra and slips the straps down your arms before getting rid of the barrier that’s been keeping him away from your naked chest.

“Fuck, Y/N, you are so damn beautiful,” he breathes out shakily, before his lips wrap around your right nipple, his hand cupping your other breast. You keep whining and whimpering as you feel his tongue swirl around your nipple before his mouth moves over to the other breast, giving it just the same amount of attention.

He kisses down your stomach, glancing up at you as he hooks his fingers into the elastic of your panties silently asking for your permission to go further, still so respectfully looking out for you. As an answer, you lift your hips up so he can easily slide the material down your legs and throw it to the side.

“Oh fuck!” you moan when his tongue and lips press against your bud, playing with it oh so perfectly, making you shudder. If you didn’t think Harry was perfect, his tongue work is now surely making a statement on that.

With every lick, kiss and suck he pushes you closer to your release that’s nearing in a fast pace like never before. Reaching down you lace your fingers through his chocolate curls, tugging on the lightly, making him moan against your core. You’re not sure how long you’ll last, but you want to cum with him inside you, so you pull him up, lips meeting again as you still taste your own juice on him. It’s heavenly.

Without breaking the kiss you reach down and into his underwear, palming his fully hard cock, earning a satisfied growl when you wrap your hand around him. The feeling is quite unknown, you’ve only once had to face a penis before, it happened back in high school when you were still figuring out what sexuality meant to you. Gave a wobbly and quite short handjob to a guy from the grade above you, never even talked to him again. The experience left a major effect on you, never even got close to being intimate with a man, but being with Harry now is putting everything into a whole new light.

“Do you have a condom?” he mumbles against your lips, clearly just as excited to carry on as you are.

“Yeah,” you nod and let go of him, rolling to the edge of the bed so you can dig into the drawer of your nightstand, successfully finding the little silver packet. Tearing it open you hand it over to Harry and get back to your previous position as you watch him kneeling up, rolling the condom on carefully. Your lips part when your eyes fall on his cock, seeing now how big he really is. Harry catches your eyes and leaning down he kisses you softly.

“Tell me if it hurts and I’ll stop, okay?” he kindly tells you, but you smile at him coyly.

“You might be the first man I’m with, but your dick won’t be the first thing to be inside me,” you answer with a smug smirk and it brings an amused look to his face.

“You are so fucking hot,” he murmurs, pressing his lips against yours in a hard kiss as he settles himself back between your legs.

Though you really tried to sound confident the other moment, you still feel a little nervous about it and Harry senses it right away. Holding himself up on one arm he cups your face in his other, kissing you slowly, taking his time with his lips, as if he is trying to make you forget about everything else but his lips.

“Are you still sure about this?” he softly asks, looking for any sign of hesitation in your eyes, but there’s none.

“Yeah, I want this. I want you,” you nod and reaching down between your bodies, you take him in your hands again, positioning him to your center.

Harry captures your lips in another passionate kiss as he pushes into you slowly, filling you up inch by inch. You gasp at the sensation, feeling a little tight around him, but not in an uncomfortable way.

“You alright?” he asks once he is almost fully in.

“Yeah, go ahead,” you breathe out with a small nod. He pecks your lips and slowly pushes all the way in before he starts to move out and then slide in again, picking up a not too fast but still firm pace with his movements.

You gradually get used to the feeling of him sliding in and out of you, it’s surely a whole different experience than using a dildo or any kind of toy you are used to. The thought that it belongs to him is bringing you a sense of intimacy you haven’t felt in a long time.

Wrapping your arms around his shoulders you dig your fingers into his hot skin that’s coated with a thin layer of sweat as he keeps moving, slowly picking up his pace as you both get closer to the endgame.

“Harry, faster, please!” you plead, legs coming to wrap around his waist so he can thrust in deeper, making you go completely nuts from the way your orgasm is already forming in the pit of your tummy.

He obeys without a second thought, slamming into you faster and harder, making you continuously moan his name, the room is filled with moans and panting, the slapping noise of his hips meeting yours.

Harry buries his face into the crook of your neck, kissing and sucking on the soft skin, definitely leaving a mark, but you couldn’t care less. You just grab a handful of his hair, shutting your eyes closed as you feel yourself nearing the end.

“Harry, I’m gonna cum,” you pant, barely hanging on.

Instead of stretching it out and trying to play with you, Harry clearly wants you to combust. Reaching down between your bodies his index and middle fingers find your clit and he starts circling on it, adding that little extra you needed to fall over the edge.

Moaning and whimpering under his massive body, your orgasm washes over you in waves, bringing you such an intense satisfaction you’ve never felt before. He keeps up his thrusting and just a few moments later his movements fall out of his rhythm and mumbling your name over and over again, he gasps as he rides his high while you’re still trying to catch your breath following your own.

With a heaving chest Harry rolls off of you, gets rid of the condom and throws it to the small bin you keep next to your night stand and then lies flat beside you as you both just silently stare up at the ceiling, very much in the best kind of after sex haze.

“How are you feeling?” he then asks, rolling to his side, his hand coming to rest on your bare stomach. Turning your head to the side you crack a smile at him.

“I feel like I’ve just been properly fucked,” you bluntly answer, making him laugh wholeheartedly. Rolling to your side his arm falls to your waist as you scoot closer, your face only a few inches from his. He is so pretty up close, his features never fail to amuse you, hard to believe he is a real human, lying right next to you.

He closes his eyes a little, letting his head sink into the pillow as his fingers delicately dance up and down your side and back. You feel like you owe him to say something, dropping a major detail about yourself in a heated moment.

“I had two girlfriends,” you speak up, his eyes fluttering open to your words. “The first one was when I was eighteen, we dated for almost a year, then I briefly dated a guy, but it was barely just a month. And I had my second girlfriend when I was twenty. We were together for two years.”

“Are you still friends with them?”

“I still talk to the second one. Her name is Mila. We broke up because she moved to Spain for a job for a year and we didn’t want to do long-distance. Then we just… grew apart, but we still talk sometimes. She lives in Atlanta now, she has a girlfriend and she told me that she is planning to propose soon.”

A soft smile tugs on your lips as you talk about her. She was an important person in your life in a time that was truly challenging. Mila supported your dreams, she went to a lot of your concerts and she was the first one you called when you got your record deal even though you weren’t together anymore. She has seen you go from performing in dodgy bars to rocking the stage of arenas.

“Congrats to her,” Harry smiles through tired eyes. Reaching up he tucks your hair behind your ear before leaning closer he envelopes your lips in a soft kiss.

“We really shouldn’t have done this,” you hum, though you can’t wipe the satisfied smile off your lips.

“Why not?”

“Because we work together.”

“So what? We aren’t allowed to like each other?” he smirks cockily.

“You like me?”

“Thought I made that pretty clear,” he chuckles rubbing his eyes. “But yeah, I do like you, Y/N. A lot.”

“I… like you too,” you admit shyly. Leaning in he kisses you again before pulling you to his chest as he lies on his back.

“Can I stay the night or you want to throw me out?” he hums closing his eyes. Chuckling your snuggle to him, making yourself comfortable, enjoying the warmth of his body after so spending so many nights alone in this bed.

“You can stay, but you have to behave.”

“Oh I will behave my best, don’t worry.” A chuckle rumbles through his chest as you both fall silent and soon enough, drift off to sleep.

You wake up tangled in the sheets, but no one else is lying in bed with you. Blinking the sleep out of your eyes you look around and though there’s no sign of Harry in the room you spot his clothes on the floor. That’s when you hear the pots and pans clinking somewhere outside and you smile to yourself. You pull a t-shirt on with a pair of clean panties before heading out, finding Harry in your kitchen, wearing your pink fluffy robe and nothing else as he is making what seems to be pancakes.

“I don’t remember hiring a chef,” you joke walking closer, sliding a hand down his back as you lean against the counter next to the stove.

“Good morning,” he smiles. “I really wanted for you to wake up but I was afraid my growling stomach might wake you up,” he chuckles as he flips the pancakes in the pan with the spatula.

“Found everything you needed?” you ask, walking over the fridge to grab the orange juice.

“Yeah, you have a neatly organized kitchen,” he hums. “Sorry for snooping around though.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Pouring the juice to two glasses you hand one to him which he thanks softly before placing the golden pancakes to the plate on the counter and pours another bunch into the pan.

Sipping on your juice you watch him move around, making breakfast in your robe and you can’t help but smile at the sight of this fine man in your kitchen. Harry catches you eyeing him and he cocks an eyebrow at you.

“What’s gotten you so smiley?” he asks, his voice still a little groggy and husky.

“I just… really want to kiss you,” you shrug placing the glass to the counter.

“I think we are over this whole asking for permission thing,” he smirks, stepping closer he leans down and kisses you gently, tasting like orange juice and something sweet, he has probably ate one of the pancakes. His hand that’s not holding the spatula finds your waist, the t-shirt bunches up on your side as he pulls you closer, deepening the kiss before you hear sizzling coming from the stove.

“Whoops, not trying to burn the place down,” he chuckles as he turns to the pan and flips the pancakes. You wrap your arms around his waist and kiss his jawline before stepping away from him to set the table for breakfast.

“Do you have any plans this weekend?” he asks over breakfast.

“I have a meeting with my label on Saturday, but nothing else.”

“I’m having a few friends over Saturday evening, kind of a late Grammy nomination celebration. Want to come over?”

“Yeah, that… sounds good,” you nod smiling.

“I was thinking that maybe you could spend the night and then we can finish recording on Sunday.”

“Alright, I’m in.”

Harry takes a quick shower after breakfast before heading out, promising to call you later and though it still feels a little odd that he says goodbye with a kiss, you very much like this new setup between the two of you.

Friday evening Taylor is over at your place, she loves helping you sort out promo stuff you get sent all the time, especially because you let her take whatever you don’t want, half her closet was meant to be worn by you.

Sitting on the floor with boxes surrounding the both of you, you’re digging through them with a bottle of wine, some 90’s music playing in the background, it’s a nice and relaxing evening.

Your phone lights up with a text on the coffee table and you already know it’s from Harry. You haven’t stopped texting since he left from your place just a few days ago.

Harry: Do you think it’s a look for the Grammy’s?

He attached a photo of himself in all denim, looking very much like 2001 Justin Timberlake at the AMA.

Y/N: Should I match and pull a Britney?

Harry: Is that even a question?!

“Okay, who’s the girl?” Taylor asks, making you tear your eyes away from the phone’s screen.

“Huh?”

“Last time I saw you smiling like this at your phone you were talking to that girl you met at that award show. So who is it this time?”

“It’s… not a girl,” you admit, placing your phone back to the coffee table.

“Oh, did a guy finally manage to sweep you off your feet?” Taylor gives you an amused look, genuinely surprised to hear that this time it’s a guy that has you wrapped around his finger. “What is his name?”

“Harry,” you shortly answer and see her eyes widen.

“Wait, is it… Harry as in Harry Styles?”

“Yeah,” you admit with a soft chuckle.

“Oh my God, I knew I could feel some sexual tension between you two at Jeff’s office!”

“There wasn’t any, what are you talking about?”

“You didn’t see it because you were too busy trying to blow off the duet, but it was radiating from him.” She gives you a look, putting the sweater she’s been examining to the side. “So, how are things? Are you guys an item, or…?”

“We didn’t label anything, he just said he likes me and I like him too. And he… spent the night the other day.”

“Wait, what? Spent the night as in—“

“Yes, we had sex,” you confirm blushing.

“That’s like huge! The first man you’ve been with!”

“I know,” you chuckle.

“How was it?”

“Fucking amazing,” you truthfully admit with a sigh. “I didn’t think it could be this good with a guy. Maybe it’s just because it was with him.”

“He surely looks like a guy that takes good care of his girl. So what’s gonna happen? Are you guys together?”

“I don’t know. He doesn’t seem to care about names and labels, he just likes to do whatever he wants and if I’m being honest it’s kind of refreshing. We are just… enjoying whatever we have.”

“That sounds very liberal,” Taylor chuckles. “But I’m happy for you. You’ve been alone for way too long, I think he might do good to you.”

“I really hope,” you nod with a sigh.

“How is the song writing going?”

“We’re finishing up recording on Sunday. I’ll send it to you when it’s done and we can start all the paperwork and everything.”

“Amazing, you are doing great, Y/N, I’m proud of you,” she smiles and climbing over she wraps you in a tight hug.

“Thanks, Tay,” you smile at her. “Alright, now do you want these lace socks or should I burn them?” you ask holding up a whole pack of them, making her laugh.

Harry said it’s just a chill get together, nothing fancy so you decide to wear a khaki maxi skirt with a shirt tucked into it that was a gift from a fan, your first album’s name embroidered to the front. It’s one of your favorite pieces and you like wearing things your fans make you, gives the whole fit a plus.

Arriving to Harry’s place you spot that there are a few cars already parking on the driveway. You leave your overnight bag in the trunk, grab the bottle of wine you’ve brought and head inside. Unlike every time you’ve been here, the silence is now switched up with soft music and chatters, quite a few people lingering around the house already.

Just as you walk farther inside, Harry appears on the stairs and his face lights up at the sight of you.

“Hey! Did you just arrive?” He jogs down the rest of the stairs and walking up to you he pulls you close for a quick kiss without hesitation.

“Yeah. I know you said not to bring anything, but I hate coming to parties empty handed,” you chuckle softly, holding the wine bottle up.

“Thanks. Have you eaten? Jeff is grilling outside, but help yourself with anything.”

“I’ll be fine, thanks.”

“Sarah and Mitch are already here, but come on, let me introduce you to a few people.”

Harry takes your hand, lacing your fingers together with his. He drops the wine off in the kitchen before joining all the other guests. It’s really not that many people, just about thirty of his close circle. Musicians, people he has worked with and stayed close with, people he has known for long. Everyone seems welcoming and open, many already know who you are and it’s always a good conversation start, so there are not many awkward silences, especially because Harry is always near you, making sure you feel comfortable around his friends and it means a lot to you.

“Hey, everything alright?” Harry asks, when he finds you in the kitchen, refilling your glass. He walks up to you, placing a hand to your waist as he kisses into your hair.

“Yeah, your friends are nice,” you smile at him.

“I know, that’s why they are my friends,” he smirks, so full of himself. “Want to hear something interesting?”

“Always.”

“I was talking to Adam and our song came up and then out of nowhere I referred to you as my girlfriend.”

Seemingly he is testing the waters, trying to see how you react to the title, even a little afraid of what you might say, but it doesn’t scare you.

“Yeah? That’s interesting indeed.”

“Are you okay with it? I wasn’t really thinking about it, just slipped out.”

“It’s fine,” you smile at him softly.

“You don’t have to call me your boyfriend, call me whatever you want. It’s just a habit of mine, I guess,” he explains, popping some nuts into his mouth from the little jar on the counter.

“Alright,” you nod. Harry stares back at you for a moment before a smile stretches across his face and leaning down he kisses you shortly before taking your hand and walking back to the living room with you.

The last guests leave around midnight. After bringing your bag up to his bedroom you start cleaning up while Harry walks out the last couple leaving. You start loading the washer and put away things you’ve cleaned before.

“Oh, thank you for cleaning, but you don’t have to. I can take care of it later.”

“It’s nothing, I want to make myself useful,” you chuckle softly as you start the washer. Harry comes up behind you, his arms wrapping around your waist as he kisses into your neck.

“I have other ideas for that,” he murmurs, his nose nudging the side of your face.

“Yeah? What kind of ideas?” you teasingly ask, closing your eyes when you feel his hand slide under the waist of your skirt, moving down your abdomen until it reaches your core.

“Fun kinds,” he chuckles lowly. His other hand turns your head so his lips could meet yours, you’re still pressed up against him, melting against his chest with your back just right, like you’re two puzzle pieces.

“Fuck,” you breathe out when his fingers wander into your underwear and they start doing their magic. “Harry!” you whine, reacting intensely to his actions.

“I fucking love hearing my name from your pretty mouth,” he growls, kissing you hard before his lips part from yours and he starts bunching up your skirt.

You don’t protest, in fact, you lean forward, grabbing onto the edge of the counter as he pulls down your panties and you hear the zipper of his pants. Glancing over your shoulders you see him pull out a condom from his pocket and you can’t push down a laughter.

“Did you keep that in your pocket all evening?”

“Wanted to be ready when I finally got you all for myself,” he smirks, pulling his cock out of his boxer briefs, rolling on the condom.

His hands come in contact with your hips and ass cheeks, giving them a light squeeze before you feel him lining himself up with you. His palm slides up your back as he pushes into you, both of you moaning at the fulfilling sensation.

“Fuck, baby, you feel so good,” he breathes out as he pushes all the way inside before starting to pull out.

“Go hard, Harry. Please!” you whimper as he starts thrusting into you. Harry lets out a growl and slams into you, making you gasp at the harshness of the movement, but that’s exactly what you wanted.

The kitchen is filled with the noises coming from the washer next to you and the slapping noise of Harry’s hips meeting your ass with every forceful thrust he makes. His ring clad fingers dig into your hips, probably already making them red, but you couldn’t care less. You hold onto the edge of the counter, but then you move one hand to cover his on you, needing to touch him in some kind of way.

Leaning forward Harry kisses your back between your shoulder blades through the thin material of your shirt and you moan his name when he hits the perfect spot inside you.

“Shit, Harry! I’m g-gonna cum!” you gasp, perking your ass up more so he can go as deep as possible.

“Let go for me, baby. Come on!”

“I want to cum with you.”

“Yeah? Then hold on for a little longer, I’m almost there.”

You try your best to keep everything inside you under control, your orgasm is really on the edge and you can only hope he is nearing his end too.

“Harry! Please!”

“Fuck, okay, okay, cum for me! Let me feel you!” he moans and his words bring you the release.

You clench around him, moaning and whimpering and it finally pushes you into his bliss too. His thrusts slow down but they are hard and go deep, helping you ride the last bits of your high.

He pulls out and gets rid of the condom before wrapping his arms around you, pulling you up from your position so he can kiss your lips.

“How about we take a shower while the washer finishes?” he suggests, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Mm, good idea.”

Once the song is fully finished you submit it to your label after an agreement that it should come out through yours, but it wouldn’t be tied to your or Harry’s upcoming album. Everyone seems to love it, Taylor is over the moon when you show her the final version and Jeff is just as happy about it. Having only three more weeks left until the Grammy’s, you send them your request to perform the duet instead of the medley they asked. Their answer comes the next day and they are more than happy to have you premiere your new duet at the show. Everything seems to be on track.

Following a rehearsal for the Grammy performance, you’re staying over at Harry’s, just eating takeout and having a lazy evening after a whole day of working. You’ve put on a new Netflix movie, but every time you look at Harry you feel like his mind is somewhere far away.

“Want to share what’s on your mind?” you ask softly, not wanting to be pushy, you’re just trying to be there for him.

“I’ve just been thinking.”

“About what?” He looks up at you, clearly hesitant whether he should share it with you or not.

“About what you said about your parents.”

“Oh,” is all you can say. Pausing the movie you turn all your attention to him. “What about it?”

“I was just talking to my mom the other day, she is coming here for the Grammy’s and I thought about how you… won’t have your parents there with you.”

“There’s a reason for that.”

“Yeah, but then I thought about how you said you haven’t even let them contact you since then and that maybe they’ve changed their mind about the whole situation. You’ve clearly proved them wrong with building yourself a career, maybe they can now see that what they did was wrong.”

You remain silent, chewing on his words. You’ve been great at not thinking about your parents these past years, it feels weird to have a conversation about them out of nowhere. Harry takes your silence as a warning sign, though that’s not the case.

“You know what? I’m sorry for bringing it up. It’s not really my business, I shouldn’t have brought it up, sorry,” he shakes his head.

“What… would you do if you were in my place?”

Harry looks at you, surprised you are willing to continue the conversation. His hand finds your thigh and he gives it a gentle squeeze.

“I think it might worth a shot to just… contact them. See if they want to maybe get in touch again.”

“And what if they don’t?”

“Then… you know you made the right decision leaving. I know it’s scary, but I think you should take a chance.”

“I’ll… think about it,” you nod shortly.

“Take your time, do whatever you feel comfortable with.” He pulls you into his arms, pressing a kiss to the top of your head as you get comfortable in his embrace before starting the movie again.

Two weeks before the show you are headed to a fitting with Harry, your matching sets are nearly done, but they needed you to try them on and make sure they fit just perfectly. True to your and Harry’s extravagant fashion, this performance won’t lack any over the top fits either. It was clear from the beginning that you would be matching, but you made it clear that you want to bring it to the level where you’d be wearing the exact same outfit, so now there are two sets of suits in the making, the pattern of the whole two piece is recalling a kind of space vibe, blues, purples and black meeting in the colors with hundreds of embroidered stars and planets littering the fabric with additional crystal stars to make it even more extra. It’s truly one of a kind, especially paired with the sheer, tulle shirt you both will be wearing underneath.

“We look fucking great, babe,” Harry smirks as the two of you stand next to each other, examining yourself in the floor-to-ceiling mirror on the small podium.

“We really do,” you smirk, satisfied with how the performance is coming together. It’s gonna be the perfect way to celebrate both your first Grammy nominations, a huge milestone in your and Harry’s career as well.

Grabbing his phone he quickly takes a picture in the mirror of the two of you, pulling you to his side as you smile into the camera through the mirror. Then you leave him alone on the podium as they are pinning his pants to make it the perfect size. Stepping to your bag you fish your phone out and reading just the first few words of Taylor’s last message she sent about ten minutes ago, you feel all blood rushing out of your face. Tapping on the notification you start reading.

Taylor: Please don’t lose your head, but we are dealing with this.

She attached several articles and you start digging through them.

“Is Harry Styles dating his new duet partner?”

“Harry Styles cozied up with Y/N Y/L/N at dinner with friends.”

“Can we expect some hot make out sessions at the Grammy’s from Harry and his new beau?”

And then there’s the absolute worst.

“Is Y/N Y/L/N going to take Harry Styles to court too?”

“Shit, shit, shit,” you mumble under your breath, vigorously typing back to Taylor to take them down. Two pictures have been leaked from the time you had dinner with Sarah and Mitch, it’s so odd because it’s been weeks since then, where were these pictures all along? Not that it matters, all you want is for them to be gone.

Against your better judgment, you go online and check your social media even though you know you shouldn’t snoop around now that it’s out there. No surprise, you and Harry are trending, but the reactions are very much mixed.

The impact of your case with Jordan is still major. It doesn’t matter that you won, people are still questioning whether he said the truth or not and now they are afraid you might drag Harry down just like you did with Jordan. That you are just trying to use his fame to get more attention and then ruin his career, making a victim out of yourself again, because apparently that’s what you’ve been doing.

You’re not only being dragged, but all of a sudden, nothing is about the music and the art you are making, people just want to know if you’re fucking Harry Styles or not. A lot of the times you’re not even named, only referred to Harry’s new lover or what’s worse, his hookup. You’ve lost all the credit you worked so hard for and for what? Because you dared to have dinner with a man?

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Harry asks walking up to you. Your eyes snap up at him and he immediately sees the shock and anger in them, setting panic in him as well. “What is it?”

“The fucking… pictures,” you hiss handing him your phone so he can see the articles for himself. He scrolls through them with furrowed eyebrows, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip before handing the phone back once he has gotten to the end of it.

“Let’s finish this up and head home, okay? We’ll figure it all out.” He presses a kiss to your forehead and you nod, trying your best to keep your anger at bay while the designers finish up on the outfits.

An hour later you walk into your place, talking on the phone with Taylor, discussing the situation though there’s not much you can do at this point. It’s all out, the pictures can’t be taken down. She suggests to just keep quiet for now, she’ll call Jeff to see what could be done as damage control.

Throwing your phone to the bed you feel your whole body shaking from the anger, it’s agonizing to know there’s nothing you can do to stop it.

“Hey, it’s gonna be fine. We’ll figure it out,” Harry speaks up, trying his best to calm you down, but it’s not really working this time.

“Stop saying it, you don’t know that for sure. I can’t believe this bullshit is happening all over again,” you breathe out shaking your head.

“Again?”

“Yes! I’m being fucking dragged for something I shouldn’t be.”

“People will always have controversial opinion on everything, you can’t get them all to like you.”

“It’s not about liking, Harry!” you snap. “I couldn’t give a damn about people liking me, but they discredit my work. Have you read those articles? I’m seen with a man and suddenly, I’m not even seen as an artist anymore. I’m not even my own person in some of them, just a girl who is linked to you. How is that fair?” “It’s not, but stressing yourself about it until you’re sick is not gonna help anything,” he retorts in a firm voice.

“So I should just sit around and so nothing while watching all my work go to shit?”

“Nothing is going to shit! This is how it goes, there’s always something people talk about but they will forget about it in a week. That doesn’t take anything away from what you’ve proved through your career.”

“Now that’s a lie. Because if they did forget about things in a week, they wouldn’t be bringing up the whole Jordan thing now. I dared to stand up for myself against a man and look where it took me to! I’m the drama queen, the lying bitch who likes to ruin men for apparently no reason and they see me as a threat when it comes to you too. People are talking about how I’ll take you to court as well, they think I’m just using you even though they know nothing about me! And the worst part is that it wouldn’t be like this if I weren’t a woman. Whatever happens, however we react to the situation, it will never have the same effect on your career than it will have on mine.”

“So what, you’ll just live your life without ever doing anything that’s gonna upset people? There will always be someone who’ll judge whatever you do, you can’t do anything about that and if you let them get to you now, they’ll know they can mess with you easily.”

“So I’m just supposed to ignore everything? And not do a single thing about it? It’s easy for you, you’ll walk away from this without a scratch on your name, because you are a white man who can do no wrong in the eyes of the world.”

“Okay, now you are being mean for no reason.”

“I’m telling you the truth,” you retort. “And you know what else is part of the truth? That I’m not even having it the worse. There are women who are even more targeted because of their religion, their skin color, their nationality or sexuality and people don’t even realize how hard it is for any of us. I’m sick of the injustice we have to live with just because of our gender!”

“I do acknowledge the problem on hand, I’m aware of it and I’m all for doing against it, but we are not gonna solve it instantly, it’s a long process. Sometimes we just have to pull back a little, be smart about things.”

“They will never stop about this,” you shake your head, stubbornly clinging onto your opinion. “I won’t be seen as a serious artist anymore, just some girl who was linked to you. It’s fucking done, over.”

“Y/N, what are you trying to say?” Harry asks with caution.

“Exactly what you are thinking about,” you reply with a bitter laugh. “I can’t be a respected artist if I’m with you.”

“That’s not true. It will die down, they will see that you are more than just who you’re dating and everything will be fine.”

“What’s not fair is that I have to work for it to be fine while you are still the same artist you were before it all blew up. Don’t you think it’s unfair?” you call him out and part of you knows you’re being mean and unnecessarily rude to him, but you just can’t control it any longer. You need to let it out and unfortunately, he is the one who is here to take the blame.

“It is, but what are you expecting me to do about it? Release a statement asking people to only talk about my dating life to make it equal? What can be done is that we try to fight this together, show them that you’re more than just a woman who is linked to a man in any kind of way.”

“Yeah, like realization is just gonna hit them,” you snap. “I’m at a turning point in my career, Harry. Whether I win a Grammy or not, this time is going to have an impact on my future. If I’m seen as just a girl linked to you, I’ll never make it. I’ll be forgotten and dragged again and I can kiss my career goodbye.”

You know you were way too harsh, but it’s what you think to be the truth. You didn’t fight your way to this point in life just to be seen as a man’s girlfriend rather than the artist you truly are. And right now, you can’t see yourself get out of this situation without letting go of Harry.

“Y/N, please don’t let this ruin what we have. We can get through this, you can’t let them control your life this much. Who are they to tell you what to do? That’s not the Y/N I know, come on!”

He tries to step closer, reaching out for you, but you take a step back, wanting to keep the distance between the two of you.

“I would prefer to be alone now,” you sternly say, folding your arms on your chest, closing yourself off from him as you don’t even look at him, because if you did, you know you would break.

“Y/N, please don’t do this, we—“

“Alone!” you snap, cutting him off.

He stares at you, hoping you might change your mind, but you’re quite set on this. He knows you well enough to know you won’t budge anytime soon. He lets out a shaky breath and slowly turning around, he heads towards the door as you’re already fighting your tears back. He stops right before he is about to walk out.

“I’m really sorry, Y/N,” he quietly says before walking out, the door shutting closed behind him.

The sobs start immediately and you fall to the ground, tears soaking your cheeks, already missing him more than anything in your life. You really thought it would be different this time, that things might get better, but you were naïve.

The next two days go by in a blur. The whole fucking internet is filled with those damn pictures of you and Harry, nothing has been about any of your Grammy nominations or even about your music, you’ve officially became the woman Harry Styles is dating.

Harry was titled as a Grammy nominee in every goddamn writing that surfaced, he was completely credited for his work while you could be happy if your name was written correctly. With every new article, your faith in having the career you worked so hard for lessened until you felt hopeless. You’ve officially became a dumb celebrity, just a woman who was known to be dating a man in the industry.

On the evening of the second day you have enough. You just read yet another degrading piece of you that was clearly written by a man, they once again talked about your case with Jordan, joking about history repeating itself and you swear you could scream and throw a tantrum like a baby at how useless and helpless you feel.

You put your laptop to the side and reach for your phone, dialing Taylor’s number.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” she asks right away, knowing well how hard these past days have been. She came over the evening you sent Harry away and tried to comfort you, but nothing could help you that night.

“Hey, I want to ask you to do something and not try to talk me out of it.”

“Oh God…” she sighs, already knowing you’re about to do something stupid according to her.

“I don’t want to perform at the Grammy’s.”

“What? With all due respect, are you fucking stupid?”

“I’m not stupid. But I don’t want to do it.”

“Well, this has got to be the most ridiculous move you’ve ever tried to pull. Why do you want to throw such a huge thing away?”

“I can’t… sing that song with Harry. If I stand on the stage and sing with him… I just can’t do it, Tay.”

“Of course you can! Suck it up! I know you miss him and it fucking sucks what’s happening, but you have to do it!” she tries to convince you, but you’ve already made your mind up.

“No. I’m not doing it. Please let them know that it’s going to be just Harry performing.”

And with that, you end the call.

Taylor knows better than to try to fight you, she doesn’t call back though you know she wants to murder you right now probably, but she’ll come around, she always does. You make yourself a tea hoping to relax your nerves with it though you know nothing can help you now. You wish you had someone to rely on, someone you could talk to right now, but usually Taylor is that person to you and lately Harry has been your support, but you can’t call either of them. The rest of the people you consider friends… they are just not that close to you. You’re left alone, again.

As your gaze wanders over to your phone, a thought pops up in your mind that makes your hands sweat. You think back to the conversation you had with Harry about your parents and you can’t shake the urge off to finally make that call.

“Fuck it,” you breathe out and grab the device, opening up the contacts until you find what you’ve been looking for. Your thumb hovers above the call button for a while before you finally tap on it and start the call. It rings four times before a voice speaks up on the other end.

“Halo?”

“Hi mom,” you reply and hear a gasp from her at your voice.

There’s less than a week left until the Grammy’s. For your own sake, you haven’t been online outside of answering work emails, you just can’t deal with the shit show your life has become on the internet.

You haven’t left your home unless you really needed to go somewhere, did most of your meetings over the phone or videochat and postponed a fitting as well. You’ve officially caved yourself up in your apartment and you are not planning on leaving anytime soon.

Taylor keys herself in, she hasn’t even mentioned that she might drop by, but you’re not surprised. She is probably here to try to bring you out of this pity party you’ve been holding for days. When she sees you lying on the couch in sweats and messy, unwashed hair, she sighs, shaking her head.

“You really need to pull your shit together, Y/N.”

“I’m fine,” you mumble, pulling your fuzzy blanket up to your chin.

“No, you’re not. This is not the bad bitch I know.”

“Bad bitches have bad days too.”

“This is not a bad day, you look like a fucking zombie. This is not what a Grammy nominee should look like days before the big show.”

“Doesn’t matter, it’s not like I’m performing or anything,” you shrug, but the look in Taylor’s eyes make yours go wide. “Taylor, I’m not performing, you informed them about it, right?”

“This is why I’m here,” she sighs walking closer, sitting on the other end of the couch. “I never cancelled on your performance.”

“I told you I’m not doing it!” “I know, but I was hoping you might come around. But you seem to be still acting like a stupid bitch, so that didn’t happen. However, I’ve gotten an interesting email today.”

She pulls out her phone and opens the email before handing it over to you. Shooting her an unhappy look you start reading.

-

Hi Taylor!

I got your email address from Jeff, wanted to write to you myself. I’ve officially pulled out of the Grammy performance so it’s going to be only Y/N in it. We are also working on a statement to release over the whole ordeal and my lawyers have been after the bigger gossip sites to get the articles down. I want Y/N to have the Grammy experience she deserves and I know it can’t happen with me in the performance. Tell her that I’m sorry for ruining it for her, she deserves so much more. I’m sorry she was brought into this.

I hope to see you soon, take care!

Harry

-

With parted lips, you look up at Taylor who is smiling softly at you.

“He… pulled out for me.”

“He did. Talked to Jeff on the phone, they have already let them know Harry wouldn’t be performing, they will make it official tomorrow.”

“But he deserves this just as much as I do. He is a nominee too.”

“Well, seems like he values you more than his own success.” Taylor lets out a long sigh and scooting closer she places a hand to your knee. “Look, I know you’re upset about how the media treats you just because you were seen out with Harry, and I know that you’re afraid of getting labeled as just the girl he dates and not get taken seriously as an artist, but you can’t let them stop you from living your life how you want to. There will always be judgment, there will always be men who are worse than trash and want to bring you down, but you are stronger than that. Pushing Harry away and being alone for the rest of your life is not a solution. What you can do to put them to their place is give them a big fuck you, date the hottest man in the industry and continue being the bad bitch that you are, fighting against the way you are being treated. Speak up, show them who they are dealing with, share your truth, like you always do! But you can do all of this with Harry by your side. You deserve to be happy and he makes you happy, don’t make yourself miserable because we live in a world where men are still placed above women. Fight for the change but don’t forget to think about yourself as well in the process.”

You feel the tears sting in your eyes. The weight of this past week is just way too heavy to carry, but Taylor is right and you are realizing that you’ve made it harder for yourself. The sobs come before you could stop yourself and Taylor pulls you into a hug.

“I know, I know. It fucking sucks, but you can’t let them win,” she soothes, running her hands up and down your back. “Show them how big of a bad bitch you are and get the man too.”

“You think Harry still wants to be with me?”

“I think that man would be on his knees for you in a heartbeat if you asked,” she chuckles pulling back. “Statement about the performance will be released tomorrow. That’s how long you have to figure it out,” she tells you with a knowing look before leaving you alone with your thoughts, however you don’t have to think long what you have to do.

You have not been the only one these past days took a toll on. The fight the two of you had left Harry completely drained, angry and helpless. He hated that he was the reason you weren’t credited as the talented artist that you are and he couldn’t stop thinking about ways to make it better. That’s when he came up with the idea of pulling out of the performance.

Now he is ready to spend the remaining days until the award show hidden from the world, not even leaving the house. Everyone close to him knows he is better not to be disturbed now, so he is quite surprised when the security system lets him know that someone has arrived.

As you drive up to his house you spot him immediately, stepping out the front door with a shocked look on his face, probably expecting you to be the last person to be there at the moment. You wipe your sweaty palms against your thighs as you walk up to him, feeling anxious to see him and talk to him, especially after the last conversation you had.

“Hey, I’m sorry for coming here without calling or anything…” you shyly start, stopping in front of you.

“Don’t be silly. Come… Come on in,” he clears his throat inviting you inside.

You’ve walked through this front door so many times in the past almost two months, but this is the first time you feel so odd, standing out, like you have no place in here and it’s all thanks to yourself.

“Do you want something to drink? Are you hungry?” Harry walks past you but then turns to face you, talking to you with such warmth and kindness, even after how you acted, putting blame on him for something he has no control over. It completely breaks you and can’t stop your eyes from watering as you look at him. You really hoped you’ve run out of tears in the past days, but it seems like that’s not the case at all.

“Harry, I’m so sorry,” you breathe out shakily and you step closer to each other at the same time, he envelopes you in his strong arms and you fist his shirt at his chest. “I know it was none of your fault, I just got so desperate and afraid that it might ruin what I worked so hard for.”

“I know. And you were right about everything. Everything you said was true and I’m sorry you have to deal with it.”

“Yeah, but it wasn’t right to be mad at you just because you have different privileges, it’s not like you can change who you are. So I’m really sorry about that, and also for pushing you away when you were just trying to be there for me. I was so stupid,” you breathe out, wiping the tears sliding your cheeks down away.

“You just panicked, it’s okay. Don’t apologize for wanting to protect yourself.”

Resting your forehead against his shoulder you wait for your sobs to die down before you look back up at him. Reaching up he tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear, smiling down at you warmly and that smile alone ensures you that you are exactly where you are supposed to be, with the right person.

“Taylor showed me the email you sent her,” you bring it up, clearing your throat.

“You deserve it all to yourself so people can see how amazing of an artist you are.”

“I’m not doing it without you,” you shake your head stubbornly. “We wrote the song together and we’re gonna perform it together or else I’m not doing it either.”

“Y/N, you know if we step on that stage together they are gonna twist the whole thing and make it about something else. I want you to have this opportunity for your career without me ruining it with just my presence.”

“Fuck them, if they take it as something it’s not. They are not gonna take the chance away from us to perform our song. If they are such fucking dumbasses that they make it all about what’s between us, that’s their own personal problem. If I need to, I’ll go on a Twitter rant and tell them this myself. I want you on stage with me or else I’m not doing it either.”

Harry breathes out through his nose, pressing his lips together as he stares back at you, probably realizing you are dead serious about pulling out of the performance and he is right. He doesn’t even know you were the first one to cancel on it, you’d do it again without hesitation.

“I guess we are performing then,” he cracks a small smile and throwing your arms around his neck you pull him down, lips smashing against his, the kiss mingling with giggles and smiles.

Harry wraps his arms tight around your waist, pulling you up from the ground as he spins you around, making you squeal as you hold onto him.

“I have to call Jeff to call the Grammy’s not to post the statement,” he hums against your lips and he pecks them a few more times before letting go of you to quickly make a call to his manager.

You move over to the couch in his living room as he talks to Jeff, who is luckily very understanding about the sudden change. Hugging your knees to your chest you watch him pace the floor, exchanging a few more words with the man on the phone before ending the call, his gaze dropping to you again. Sitting beside you, he kisses your temple, dropping an arm around your shoulders as you lean against him, head resting on his chest.

“I called my mom,” you drop the bomb suddenly and you can feel him tense up for a moment, probably shocked by your words.

“You did?”

“Yeah.” Lifting your head your gaze meets his as you carry on. “She was… very shocked to hear my voice.”

“I bet,” he hums. “What did you talk about?”

“I just… asked how they are doing and told her that I’ve been thinking a lot about them. She sounded genuinely touched by it and said I’m always welcomed for dinner or lunch if I’d like to see them.”

“That’s amazing! See, I told you they would love to hear from you!”

“Yeah,” you smile at him softly. “I think I want to go over sometime after the Grammy’s.”

“I’m sure it’s going to go well.”

“Would you please come with me?”

Your question catches him off-guard he seems surprised that you would want him there, but then his expression softens as he leans down and kisses your forehead.

“I would love to, if you want me there.”

“I do,” you nod.

“Then it’s settled,” he smiles warmly as you lay your head back to his chest, his fingers gently dancing up and down your arm and for once in your life you finally feel settled, like everything is going to be fine.

Highlights of the 63rd Annual Grammy Awards: Y/N Y/L/N blows up stage with new hit duet

The killer duo surprised us all with a brand new duet titled Floating Through Space, performed it together on their big night. Wearing matching galaxy themed suits, Y/L/N and Styles have closed off the evening with probably the most success, the latter winning two out of his three nominations, receiving the award for Best Music Video and Best Pop Vocal Album with his latest album, Fine Line, while Y/L/N was titled best new artist, becoming a Grammy winner early in her career.

Tabloids blew up earlier this month when the two singers were photographed cozied up at dinner with friends, speculations started about their possible romance, but Y/L/N has made a clear statement on the question with her red carpet appearance before the award show. Wearing a head to toe black Gucci gown paired with a dramatic cape, the message “I’M AN ARTIST, ASK ME ABOUT MY ART” painted onto it in red, making a bold statement about her opinion on the way the media has been treating the star.

Both singers remained silent on their alleged romance, but proved to be the best of their time with their joined performance with their new emotional duet. Following the song’s debut on stage it was released to the public as a single right away, taking over all charts with its overwhelming success.

Listen to Floating Through Space now on Spotify and Apple Music!

Your knuckles are turning white from the tight grip on the steering wheel as you stare up at the home you grew up in. It looks almost the same, sometime through the years you haven’t been around your parents have painted it a light blue color from the paste yellow, but it’s still… the same.

“Hey.”

Turning to your right you look at Harry who is smiling at you warmly as his hand reaches over and squeezes your knee gently.

“It’s going to be fine. I’m sure they’ll be happy to see you, you’re still their daughter.”

“That’s not what they told me the last time I was here,” you whisper, feeling your throat closing up.

“We all say things in the heat of the moment. Seeing how happy they were about this lunch proves that they regret what happened.”

Nodding you take a deep breath to get ready for whatever is going to happen. Leaning over the console you pull Harry in for a kiss and it calms your nerves a little. Getting out of the car he takes your hand and squeezes it to let you know he’ll be right by your side all along. As you walk up to the front porch a sense of strong nostalgia washes over you.

You didn’t have a bad childhood, your parents provided you so much growing up, it’s sad to think what it has become. In a way you feel more anxious than walking the red carpet a week ago for the Grammys even though you’re just meeting your parents, but this is a turning point in your life that needed to come sooner or later.

“I’m right here, baby. It’s going to be fine,” Harry murmurs, kissing your forehead before you ring the doorbell, feeling weird that you come here as a guest, not as someone who belongs here.

You hear footsteps approaching on the other side, two frames appear through the clouded glass of the front door and then it flies open, pushing all air out of your lungs, clinging tightly onto Harry’s hand. There’s a moment of silence and just staring at each other before the tiniest smile tugs on your lips.

“Hi mom, hi dad.”

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

[farmnap]

Fluff Alphabet-Sapnap

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?) 

He likes your humor. He likes your beauty. He loves everything about you. Mostly, though, he loves your kindness. You are just so nice to him. You hold him, whisper sweet things to him, and make him feel like its all alright.

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?) 

He definitely wants a family, obviously not anytime soon though. He believes that he’d be a good father and that you’d be a good parent as well. He doesn’t tell you this, but sometimes he dreams about having a child, their little hands and feet. He goes through baby fever like every two months. 

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?) 

He prefers to hold you most of the time, it makes him feel like he’s protecting you. He will spoon you most nights or hold your head to his chest and wrap his other arm around your body. Sometimes tho he lets you lay on top of him and just sleep. He likes your weight on him, thin or not. 

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)

i assume they'd be chill or more just hangouts. Like going to an arcade or an escape room. If it was a special occasion, birthday or anniversary, he’d take you to a fancy restaurant. He’d hate getting dressed up and eating food that isn’t worth the money, but he’d do it forever if it meant he got to see you happy. 

E = Everything (You are my ____ (e.g. my life, my world…))

My lifeline. You make his world turn and his heart keep beating. Everything he does is for you (In a non weird obsession way) he just wants you to be happy

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?) 

He knew he was in love when you showed up at his house to hold him after he sounded upset on a call. that's it, no questions asked, you were just there.

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?) 

He’s so gentle it’s almost infuriating to you because sometimes he wont even touch you. Like when y’all first started dating, he wouldn't hold your hand because he didn’t want to squeeze to much. He wouldn’t cuddle you because he didn’t want to suffocate you. He treats you like a doll

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

after he got over the hand holding fear stated previously, he holds your hand tightly, almost afraid to let go. He holds your hand whenever he can: in the store, in bed, on walks, in the car, on dates. He always has his hand in yours.

I = Impression (What was their first impression?)

His first impression of you was probably about your appearance. He’s only a 20 okay so he probably looked at your butt or chest first. Obviously when he actually talked to you, he would realize you were funny and nice. But yeah, purely physical at first.

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

omfg yes. He gets so jealous. Sapnap’s not the kind of bf to get like toxic or rude when jealous tho. He just gets insecure and sad. 

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

You kissed him first, he was way too nervous to make the first move. He kisses you softly and with his hands on your cheeks. He loves holding you when you kiss, holding you close. Once Y’all are more comfortable with each other he may even put his hand on your neck while kissing you. It makes him all giddy.

L = Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?)

He would say it first, on accident. probably after being intimate and having you on his chest. Too lost in his mind, it just comes out.

“I love you”

“What?”

It scared both of you at first but then you smile and cuddled closer. It didn’t matter to him if you said it back right then or not, he knew you cared for him.

M = Memory (What’s their favourite memory together?)

When you guys stayed in on your 6 month anniversary. The plan was to go out and eat at this super fancy place but you guys missed the reservation. Instead of being sad, you guys stayed home and watched a bunch if princess movies and cuddled. It was sweet and the first time y’all actually just hung out.

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

He doesn’t spoil you too much actually. He knows you can buy your own stuff and doesn’t try to take over if you don't ask him too. BUT on special occasions you are getting everything you even look at. he once dropped about 2,000 dollars on jewelry as a gift on your birthday.

O = Orange (What colour reminds them of their other half?)

Pastel yellow. Its a color of friendship and trust, which is what your relationship is built on. 

P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?)

He uses the usual babe a lot, i cant see him using darling im sorry. He also 100% uses baby and sweetheart. Honey is also used. But mostly he would use variations of your name. 

Q = Quaint (What is their favourite non-modern thing?)

He likes castles and royalty. Obviously there is still queens and stuff but he loves the whole castle fantasy. He thinks about being a knight in shining armor to save you.

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

He uses this as an excuse to stay in bed and cuddle. Like that’s all he would want to do. No food, no responsibilities, just snuggling.

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

When he was single he would just sleep or eat. We’ve all been there and there's nothing wrong with it. But now that he has you he would rant to you or cry. If you were upset he would listen to any and all problems you had without comment. He would just be there for what ever you needed.

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

he talks about school, his family, his friends, and a shit ton of random Minecraft. Even if you got sick of it, you stick around bc he’s cute when passionate.

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

in the most respectful way, he likes to have sex. it makes him happy and calms him down. Obviously if you weren’t feeling it, he wouldn’t make you and would go for just kisses and cuddles, also watching Moana bc he loves that movie. 

V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

he shows off his set up and shoes. He splurges on those things and will be damned if the whole world doesn't know. 

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?)

He wouldn't propose for a while and surely not until y’all are both out of college and stuff but when he does its a whole thing. He takes you to a beach saying something like, “I heard the boardwalk food is amazing” or something like that. He would probably invite dream along to record and also being there for the biggest moment of his life. Obviously, you say yes and its so cute.

X = Xylophone (What’s their song?)

(I’m sorry about this one I’m not a big music person)

"I'm Gonna Love You Through It" by Martina McBride is what i picked bc he would always be there no matter what, he just loves so much

Y = Yikes (Do they ever mess up in the relationship?)

Sapnap has made many many mistakes. He can be rude sometimes without even realizing it, he can spend more time with George than you, he can ignore you for a week for something petty. Thankfully, he comes to his senses after a while and talks to you about it. He tries to be as good as he can and communicate to you but he’s not perfect.

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

oml he would beg you for a dog everyday! he just wants a German Shepard named Bently is that too much to ask?

[enjennie]

In The Limelight [chenle x reader]

Summary: Tutoring the CEO’s son, when you’re barely interested in business. And falling for him, when you knew nothing about love.

Genre: Fluff. Rich kid!Chenle Tutor!Reader

Warnings: None

a/n: not proofread! I’ve been in a slump lately ☹ my works haven’t been satisfying me but I hope you enjoy this! btw omg this is a reupload bc the first time... somehow, the paragraphs were jumbled up? 

 “Y/N, there are flowers on your desk,” your classmate gestures behind them to the classroom you were headed to before quickly passing by. You could only nod, a little taken aback by the sudden information you received. Flowers? As far as you know, Valentine’s had passed, so has white day and it’s definitely not your birthday.

But as you enter your classroom, the bundle of flowers catching your eyes, you knew one thing for sure was from who it was. As you approach your desk, you lift the thoughtful gift and inspect the small card attached to the string that tied it beautifully together. ZCH, it read in cursive.

 “How was your day?” Chenle’s voice can be heard from the other line, the smile on his face almost something you can hear along with it.

“It was great! Thank you for the flowers, by the way. They’re delightful,” you beamed, eyes landing at the arrangement that now sat on your vanity. Chenle chuckles, his laughter sending serotonin to run through your body.

“Not a problem, I’m glad you like them,”

“Though I’d appreciate if you gave them to me yourself,” you cheekily continued. Chenle could only smile, his face softening at your request. It was a simple request. Yet, he couldn’t do it.

When you notice the silence that follow, you immediately regret what you said. You desperately try to backtrack, sputtering out words. “Well- I mean-, It’s fine- Thank you, still! I love them,”

Chenle hums, “I know. Don’t worry. You’ll wait though… right? It won’t be long,”

You plant your feet to your carpeted floor and nod, even if he can’t see you. “Of course, Lele,”

 Zhong Chenle is the son of the most respected CEO of one of the biggest corporations in Shanghai the entire world. Chenle was the next in line to the company. After his brother had expressed how the business world didn’t interest him, the responsibility immediately fell into Chenle’s hands. And even if music was his love and calling, he had to let it go as to not disappoint his father.

Chenle had accepted it some time ago, going to school only for the degree so he could be eligible to own the business. He accepted the fact that he was going to be living the life his father made for him, not one he made for himself and it was the hardest pill to swallow. But things changed when he met you. There was more purpose to the things he does, it wasn’t just for nothing. Life had gone from monochromatic to colorful.

 “Miss, Y/N. Mr. Zhong just moved and he has to take this class to pass the semester. I trust you can fill him in with our module? Mr. Zhong, this is Miss. Y/N, she scored the highest during midterms,” your world economics professor had marched towards you after class, a tall boy following behind her. He looked just as oblivious as she did, to the sudden weight and pressure being put on you.

You merely nod and say a simple hello, not being able to say anything else. It wasn’t a question, this was a demand. Jeez if I was gonna teach your student I should get a portion of your pay. You thought bitterly. At the time, you were struggling to juggle a part-time job at a café while also maintaining your grades to keep your scholarship.

When your professor left you two, the boy kept his hands buried in his pockets. His clothes were semi-casual and his hair was styled nicely. Who the hell moves halfway through the year?

“So, Mr. Zhong-“ you take your books into your arms and lazily sling your bag over your shoulder, heading towards the door with him trailing behind you.

“Chenle-, You can call me Chenle,” he finally spoke, startling you a little with how cool and soft his voice is as opposed to his striking visual that intimidated you at first.

“Nice to meet you, Chenle,” you give him a smile.

You were gonna be around this guy for who knows how long, might as well try to be his friend. Maybe it’ll make the teaching less of a chore.

  “Wrong,” you huffed, marking his essay and adding in annotations. “Chenle, remember there is a specific way to start these essays and that’s by defining the terms you’re using,”

The boy sat opposite of you, arms crossed and back against the couch comfortably. You were in a café. The café you worked in, to be precise. Your schedule today overlapped with Chenle’s and as much as you didn’t want him to see you slaving around, you also couldn’t miss this paycheck at the café. You gave him an essay to write just to check on his phrasing and structure and left to buss some tables and serve orders. But when you came back, Chenle barely wrote anything and could care less about it.

“Can we not study today?” he whined.

You and Chenle have been meeting each other for a month now, and you’d soon learned about the type of boy he is, the life he led. In ways you didn’t expect to.

 The first time you found out about Chenle’s reputation was through the newspaper. No, not the school newspaper. Not even the local newspaper. But on the Wallstreet Journal, when you had to grab material from any recent article for a class. Chenle’s name floated along with the words ‘Young entrepreneur’ and their company’s name. You gasped so loud you had to excuse yourself from the library and leave in a hurry. That afternoon you smacked him on the shoulder with your thick world econ textbook.

“You’re from a family of business corporates and you’re learning world economics from someone who crammed the exam?” you exclaimed. He stared at you blankly, book in hand and pen in the other.

“And you don’t pay me!” you added. The fact that you’ve been tutoring someone as rich as Chenle just didn’t make sense to you. Why not go to a professional? Instead, he was here with a sleep deprived college student who sometimes mixes up business terms just because she couldn’t care any less. World Economics was a mandatory for you. You studied to pass, sadly.

“I could start paying you, name the price,” he said easily. But you shook your head.

“I didn’t mean it that way, sorry. I actually don’t care about the money,” You led him to the picnic bench with the table outside school grounds and propped your book on it along with your bag before taking out your bento box. “Just blows my mind how you won’t just pay for the classes. I don’t teach that well-” you continue.

“I like you, though,” Chenle calmly interjects. You look up at the boy, movements being halted by his bold statement.

“Pardon?” you felt the need to have him clarify what he said.  The boy leaned across the table, over your textbooks and notes. “I like you,” Chenle repeated himself, but the impact it had on you was just as powerful and hit you hard. Your heart was doing somersaults.

Chenle’s eyes grew thin as he smiled, backing away from you and sitting back down.

“So, chapter 12,” he starts flipping his book nonchalantly, leaving you out of breath with a heart hammering in your chest.

  “What do you mean not study today? You have an upcoming quiz with Mr. Byun this Friday and mind you, that man searches for wrongs, not rights,” you raised a finger at him, shaking it matter-of-factly.

“No, let me help you. Do you usually run the café on your own?” he closes the book and takes his essay from your hand. You’re left slack jawed.

“No. I- Johnny couldn’t come in today,” you explained. Suddenly, you were stammering as if explaining to your boss. At first, you were doubting if it was the same Chenle you were reading about in the articles. The boy you were tutoring didn’t come off as someone who would be running corporates and buying stocks or whatever. He was more laid back and relaxed. Aside from the way he dressed, nothing gave it away that he was indeed the CEO’s son. But there were times where you got a dominant feel from him. Times when he stood with much authority and didn’t accept no for an answer. In those moments, you realize how Chenle’s presence alone demanded respect.

Soon enough, you found yourself behind the counter with Chenle beside you tying the apron to himself. He looked cute, somehow. The way he smiled at customers and tried giving them their recommendations set butterflies run free in your stomach, you almost swooned. He didn’t get much studying done that day, but you surely did. You learned the fact that you falling slowly but surely with Zhong Chenle.

  There were two chapters you’re left to cover. In the short month and a half, you managed to teach Chenle six month’s worth of topics. Seeing him every other day made Chenle a familiar face to see around. Of course, you never actually got to see him around campus when you weren’t tutoring him. It left you wondering if you were actually teaching a ghost. But all doubts went away when the girls in your class started whispering about the cute boy waiting outside class. You quickly found out it was Chenle who they were talking about, and he was there for you. It was safe to say he wasn’t a ghost and is in fact real.

Carrying his book bag, he was stood against the wall with reading material under his arm.

“Chenle, we don’t have a schedule today,” you walk up to him, trying to avoid the dozen pairs of eyes that watched you. Chenle nodded, “Sorry, I won’t be here tomorrow. My father is bringing me on a business trip,” he states.

It wasn’t new for you to hear this coming from Chenle. Just the other week, his father brought him along to Japan for a company deal and Chenle came back with a little keychain souvenir for you. The same keychain dangled from your bag now as you both walked to the exit of the building. “Are you free?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t bring my book with me tod-“ you begin searching in your bag, even if you knew it wasn’t there. You were just trying to ignore the way his question made your heart jump.

“I mean… for dinner. Are you free for dinner?” he places a gentle hand on yours, stopping you from looking further in your bag. Chenle’s bold movements sometimes took him by surprise as well. He quickly retracts his hand, shoving it in his pockets. You let go of your bag, placing your hands on either side of you.

“Why?” you squinted at him suspiciously.

Chenle’s smile is small, but doesn’t go unnoticed by you as he turns his head towards his car then back down at you. “Listen, you don’t have to overanalyze this. I just want to treat you,”

  Chenle had thought about it a hundred times or more, before finally making a decision. Although you’ve been seeing each other in cafes and libraries for some time now, he didn’t want to consider those as dates. Sure, it gave him time to admire you up close and get to know you but he wanted you to know his true intentions. The only problem was boy, was he a wuss. And were you oh so dense!

Despite the subtle and not so subtle hints he’s given you, you remained clueless about his feelings. Unsure, confused and just downright oblivious. From the way he looked at you to how he vocally told you he liked you. You shoved everything under the rug, afraid that this boy was just toying around with you and having a laugh. He found it cute.

 It didn’t matter that you were in your school clothes, carrying about three thick books in your shoulder bag. He thought you looked stunning. You ate at a pizzeria just in town and he expressed how it tasted just like pizza from Italy. You said you wouldn’t know the difference since you’ve never been, and had a laugh about it.

The walk from his car to your apartment wasn’t that far, it’s just that he had to park a little further since there was no more space left in front. As you walked together, you noticed how the vibe and atmosphere between you two that developed as the night deepened, was different. More lax, comfortable. Like friends? You were both silent, until Chenle piped up.

“I lied, I didn’t just want to treat you,” he muttered, looking into the distance of your quiet street.

You turn your face towards him and you catch a glimpse of his face in the moonlight before looking away. He’d taken your bag from you and had it around his shoulder now. Him in his white polo shirt and brown suit jacket. He was always dressed like he was attending some kind of formal event. That’s Chenle for you. Mr. CEO’s son.

“Then?” you prompted him to continue.

Chenle averts his attention towards you as you finally reached the front of your apartment. You both stop walking, facing each other with the moon as your spotlight. You look at him from the light of the moon, it illuminated Chenle’s features perfectly. You would be able to inspect him when he studied, but each look at him made you breathless every time you had to look away. Much like right now.

“I wanted to take you out. Like, on a date,” Chenle confesses.

You could never wrap your head around how bold Chenle could be. Always leaving you flustered after saying such things, this boy was your weakness. But you didn’t give in. At least, you tried not to.

“Oh,” was your only response as you put your hands together, looking up at the tall boy. You hoped it wasn’t obvious that heat was rushing to your cheeks and ears by now. You could practically feel your blood flowing through your body, making you feel warm all over. “It was fun, I enjoyed it,” you shyly admit.

Chenle takes a step forward, raising his hand to palm your cheek gently. It’s the first time he’s ever gotten this close. “But I’m not sure you’re ready for my world yet,” his voice is lower, cool. Like wind.

You part your lips slightly, willing yourself to breathe. Your breath is unstable, shaky. This time, you take a step forward. “Are you underestimating me?” You don’t know where the surge of confidence came from, but you were thankful for it. The look of surprise is quickly melted into amusement as this was definitely the first time you ever made the second move to the dozens of times he’d left you flustered.

Chenle dips his head down close to your face. Eyes trained on each other, you tried to get yourself to breathe. He looked alluring, and you watch his eyes drop to your lips. Your head had become blank, nothing in mind. Just him. Chenle, and nothing else. His calm eyes, button nose and plump lips that you so very badly wanted to press against yours. “Are you sure?” he whispers.

You close the space between you and Chenle, lining your lips with his and connecting them together. The sensation almost sending you on your knees, you grab onto his shoulder for support and he holds you up by the waist, swiftly wrapping his strong arms around you. It felt like such a big relief, you almost sighed.

When you pulled away, Chenle’s smile comes into view as you fluttered your eyes open. He places his hand at the back of his head and scratches, suddenly becoming shy. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

“You’re something else,” you giggle, smacking his arm before snatching your bag from his shoulder and turning on your heel to leave. You feel his hand against yours, forcing you to stop. “I’ll see you after my trip?” he asks.

“Same time… for class,” you reply, looking back at him with a cheeky smile. Chenle lets your hand go, a smitten smile on his face and a warm feeling in his chest. Zhong Chenle wished things were simpler. He wanted to give you the world.

 “It’s just a black tie party and my dad’s forcing me to come with a date,” he fixes himself in the mirror. He looked handsome, as always. In an all-black suit that fit him perfectly. Dressed like he had someplace to be, people to meet.

You sat on your bed behind him, arms folded and face scrunched up into a frown. A date. Probably someone from a rich family, better than you, his future spouse. They’d have perfect little babies together. All these bitter thoughts were flooding in your brain. When he notices your unusual quietness, Chenle turns to face you and gives you a goofy smile.

“What’s on your mind?” he approaches the bed, placing either hands on the side of you and leaning in close. Chenle could tell when you lied and knew exactly how to make you crack. You pull your knees to yourself and don’t bother hiding the scowl forming on your face. You couldn’t do anything about it. After several talks with Chenle, he explained how much pressure he gets from the media and his family. How dating even became a hassle because of how the pressure would then be shared with his partner.

For years, it wasn’t a problem. He didn’t find anyone that sparked his interest, and only had meaningless one night stands. He was fine with it, really. But all of that changed when he met you. For once, he wanted to go after something he loved. Not let it go, unlike what he did with his own passion for the sake of his father’s dream and business.

You shook your head, ridding the thoughts in your head and throwing them out. “Nothing. I know it’s just business. Message me when you get home?” you didn’t need to ask, but you still do. Chenle always kept you updated, whether if it was how the party he’s in has a chocolate fountain or if the bathrooms have automatic toilets. It was always bizarre hearing about his stories and taking a peek of what his world is like. The world of corporates. You weren’t ready for it, and Chenle knew.

 The secrecy of your relationship didn’t last very long, soon enough it’s got media questioning who Chenle was seeing and your status. After a few run-ins with the paparazzi, you both decided it would be best if your meetups were more discreet. Luckily, the cameras hadn’t captured your face yet, but it was only a matter of time until they did.

To top it all off, the news had spread across campus. Girls left and right claiming they were the one dating Chenle, it didn’t bother you too much. You had a scholarship to keep and a job to go to. Sometimes, you’d find a single rose and a letter waiting for you in class, or at the café. Of course, you and Chenle had wrapped up the tutorial classes and he was able to pass the exam. He was one step closer to his degree, but happy wasn’t the word to describe him.

He yearned to be with you, have you in his arms and spend hours together just like you used to before things got complicated. Chenle grew lonely without your presence as months passed. Nonetheless, you hung onto the string of hope that maybe one day people wouldn’t care so much. That you could take all the criticism, the heat.

 It was around 2am when your phone rang, disturbing your slumber. It was a Friday night and you took it upon yourself to catch up on some sleep after the horrendous exam week you just faced. Chenle had said goodnight hours ago. You wondered who could be calling at such an ungodly hour.

You pick up without checking the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“Y/N,” Chenle’s voice filled your ear. Your eyes snap open and you shot up from your bed, pulling the phone away from your ear. Sure enough, it was him. Lele, with a little heart beside the name.

“Hey, are you alright?” You ask worriedly. His voice sounded slow and there was rustling behind him.

Chenle lets out a groan, and your heartbeat picks up its pace. You knew better than to think Chenle would cheat, but it was definitely worrying hearing this without any idea what was going on. “I miss you,” he breathed, voice raspy and low. You couldn’t keep the smile from appearing on your face. In the darkness of your room, your heart swelled with joy. “I miss you too, Chenle,” you whispered back.

Distinct voices come through the line, and you make it out to be Jeno and Jaemin. They’re bickering and you hear a guitar in the mix. “We’ll leave you here, Chenle,” Jaemin calls to his friend before you hear a door close.

“Why did you call?” you ask but you were happy that he did.

“Because I can’t be there with you. Even if it’s all I want right now,” he confessed. Your smile faltered and a hint of sadness falls upon your face as he continues. He was obviously drunk, but Chenle has always been really honest because he couldn’t lie. These days however, you haven’t had the time to talk much and you knew there was a lot on his mind. It hurt to know that it’s been this, and you couldn’t do much about it. “I just want to tell everyone about us. Screw what they think, YN. You’re perfect to me,”

Hearing his words gave you a glimmer of hope. You wished he was right, you wished you could believe it.

“Chenle-“ you sighed. “I want that too,”

There was a moment of silence before his voice came through again and you thought he’d passed out drunk already. “I love you, Y/N. I’ve sacrificed so much for my father, but you’re not going to be one of them,”

His words brought the smile back to your face, tears welling up in your eyes from how happy you were to hear them. It seemed at this moment that you could battle anything, because you were with Chenle. Everything would be alright. He was here and you are too, it’s the two of you against the world.

“Tomorrow, let’s make it official,” Chenle proposed.

You bring your hand up to your lips and bite on your nails, now fully awake more than ever. “Okay,” you agreed. Chenle grins, getting up from his bed. “I’m coming over,” you can hear him walking around now, keys jangling and shoes on his wooden floor.

“You can’t drive-“ you hurriedly try to stop him, keeping in mind his state.

“I don’t drive a Tesla for nothing,” he chuckles. “I’ll be there soon,” The outgoing beeping of the call followed afterwards as he ended the call. The realization hit you a moment later.

 The next day, you and Chenle arrived in school together. He stayed the night, carrying a change of clothes in his bag. For someone who was smack drunk, he sure did pack well.

From the moment you stepped out of his car, many students were around to watch. Exchanging whispers and staring, your cheeks set aflame when Chenle pulls you by the arm, your hands connecting between you and threading together naturally. It drew the attention of many onlookers and you chewed on your bottom lip, not used to the attention.

“They’re staring,” you whisper close to him.

“Let them,” He responds. Chenle tilts your head up to meet his gaze before planting a lingering kiss on your lips, confirming people’s already forming suspicions. “You’re my girl, aren’t you?”

[mythicamagic]

Fire and Brimstone: a Sesskag oneshot

For @harlecorn! ♥ Happy Birthday! 🎂

Rated T

A Hellhound remains bound beneath a church, waiting for the chance to enact revenge on his captors. His golden opportunity comes in the form of a blue-eyed woman. Sesskag AU oneshot.

You can read this on Ao3, Fanfiction.net and Dokuga

AN: This takes place in old-timey England. Think Witch Trial era - between the 15th and 18th century. However, I'm largely skipping the old language used in those times bc it would make dialogue feel awkward. If Kagome sounds weird it's bc I've had to lay off the modern talk a bit.

Warning: references to/implies torture

Fire and Brimstone

It was raining outside. Sesshoumaru could tell because a continuous leak somewhere had become his sole entertainment for several hours now. A thin sliver of water dripped from the roof between 10-second intervals, and he passed the time by counting them.

...Eight...Nine...Ten- drip!

A black nose twitched, picking up stale dampness lingering in the air. His body ached, but if he stayed still the wounds remained at a manageable dull, continuous pain rather than flaring white-hot agony.

How long had it been since he'd been dragged down into this dark place? He couldn't recall. Perhaps years. At the very least- months. He'd long since given up looking around at his prison, now laying in a dozing, frozen state.

Hearing something, Sesshoumaru's fluffy ear quirked. The blood inside his ear canal had encrusted, leaving sounds muted, but he could pick up distant footsteps descending stone stairs.

Have they returned to pray and bind me more tightly to their pathetic altar?

Sesshoumaru inwardly sneered, scarred paws remaining motionless. Though incredibly weak due to holy water- with his back and arms impaled with large iron stakes- a powerful, simmering rage in his chest refused to be tempered. His throat burned, belly scorching hot.

The church priest would pay, along with all his snivelling followers. One did not bind a Hellhound and live to tell the tale. Their foolish obsession with witch hunts and stamping out 'evil' within the land would be their undoing. They were fortunate they'd captured him while he'd been asleep.

Torchlight shone an orange hue behind Sesshoumaru's eyelids, but he refused to open them, playing possum.

"Still sleeping, are ye, unholy mutt?" a detestable, straight-laced voice reached his damaged ears, another torch being lit inside the room. "Good. Stay that way. Sleep until our heavenly Lord above casts you back from whence you came, down to Hell."

Oh this one will not be returning empty-handed, Sesshoumaru inwardly purred.

Remaining motionless, he looked for all the world unconscious. He couldn't lash out and tear into the priest as desired, due to a muzzle enclosed around his jaw. So, he bided his time. Rescue was out of the question. Dark creatures such as he received no aid from brethren. Sesshoumaru would just have to conserve energy for now.

The priest murmured a prayer that sent wrought iron hissing anew inside his flesh. Inwardly snarling, Sesshoumaru held himself still, refusing to show pain. His legs trembled slightly, giving him away.

Curse you. Curse you!

Wrath pumped through his veins, a siren song urging him to kill.

Satisfied that his work held strong, the head priest left; the sound of footsteps retreated up the stairs, leaving behind the lit torch.

At least that changed the scenery a little. Not that he had any reason to look upon it. Sesshoumaru panted hard the second he was left alone, sharp teeth clenching hard inside his jaw.

A quiet gasp caught his attention. Sesshoumaru froze. His nose twitched.

No scent?

Frowning, the Hellhound pried his eyelids open. Orange and black shapes shifted, blurry until someone's face came into focus.

Blue eyes gazed down at him. A woman with dark hair tumbling down her back slowly pried her hand away from her mouth.

"They really are cruel," she muttered, shocked features becoming grave. "I might as well refrain from asking if you're alright- since you clearly aren't," the stranger winced. "Sorry, that was insensitive."

Sesshoumaru blinked. What the Devil?

Her lips pursed, attention sliding to the iron stakes in his back. "I don't know how they managed to capture you. Surely that Priest can't have holy powers. He's about as pure as mud."

"...What are you?"

She paused, tilting her head and pushing dark hair behind her ear. "O-oh, that was rude of me, I didn't introduce myself, did I?" smiling, she straightened. "My name is Kagome Higurashi. Who are you?"

His question had been left unanswered, for he was largely uninterested in her name. He sneered, "Sesshoumaru."

"Nice to meet you, Sesshoumaru," she brought her hands together behind her back, smiling with only slight wariness. Her faded dress was slightly torn. Peasant wear. "I didn't expect you'd be able to talk."

"And I did not expect to be joined down here by a little lost lamb. Are you my dinner? They do not typically feed me." Saliva pooled in his mouth, drool pooling on the altar. His jaws parted, eyes glinting as they ran over her willowy form.

Kagome stepped away, huffing and crossing her arms. "While I sympathize, don't get rude. If you eat my soul then you really will be all alone- with no allies. You'll have eaten the only help you're going to receive in this place."

Sesshoumaru frowned as she walked out of his available sight, moving around his left side and picking up something from a shelf.

"You seek to give me aid? That seems counterintuitive for a soul as pure as yours."

He could smell it. The light radiating from within her. He knew her to be foreign from her features- and wondered how a priestess from a faraway land had arrived in such a miserable country rife with turmoil and evil; his hunting ground for the past few centuries.

She reappeared in his line of vision, holding a bowl of collected rainwater. She frowned, "I don't think 'pure' means 'doormat.' These men have caused a lot of harm. Harm should come back to them."

Red eyes cracked wider, interest lighting his red gaze. Kagome set the bowl down, resting a knee beside his jaw on the alter. "I'm trying to help you. Please don't eat me for it," with a wobbly smile, she reached for his muzzle.

Sesshoumaru held still, keen attention fixed on her every movement. Her deep blue eyes were pleasing, face quite beautiful in flickering torchlight. His dry tongue shifted within his mouth.

A Hellhound's purpose was to drag corrupted souls to the underworld. Kagome's radiated a strong, fierce glow.

The Japanese woman carefully grasped cool metal chains, pulling them off from around his face and tossing the muzzle aside.

Spittle-coated teeth immediately lunged- latching onto the coarse fabric of her modest dress, canines resting over her chest. Kagome gasped, hands grasping his jaw. Sesshoumaru tilted his head up, forcing her to lean over him slightly.

Crimson eyes glared up at her, growling lowly.

"What is your motivation, priestess?" a dark rumble growled inside her mind. "Tell me why I see black flames of revenge burning in the depths of your soul. A single blemish in your otherwise spotless self."

Kagome exhaled, and he felt her chest expand and fall with each breath. Gentle fingers ran over the silver fur on his face, cracking his eyes wider.

"The Dutch took me from my country a few years ago. Since then, I've been passed around to different places, picking up different languages. When I was forced onto a boat heading for this strange land- I didn't think anything more of it. I was to be the servant of a reputable house, but the priest of this church took issue with my foreign looks. After that, men dragged me here. You're not the only one who has suffered at their hands."

She withdrew her touch- and Sesshoumaru nearly tipped his head to chase it- unfamiliar with gentleness. Sparking holy powers then collected between her fingers, hovering close without making contact.

"I don't want to hurt you, in fact, I'd rather we were allies," the hushed words sounded genuine. "But I won't let you eat me easily either if that's what you're after. Let go."

Sesshoumaru searched her face, becoming entranced; Drunk off the sparking conviction there. What an odd, strong woman.

Letting out a breath of steam that whipped her hair back, Sesshoumaru relaxed his lower jaw, teeth unhooking from where they'd dug into the material of her clothes. He lowered her back to kneel on the altar, immediately diving for the water she'd provided instead.

Kagome caught her breath, holy powers fading away.

He lapped up every last drop, panting for more, wanting to sate the burning in his throat, but it would do for now. Sesshoumaru lifted his head, words firm with conviction as his chest rumbled.

"If you release me from my imprisonment, I will do your bidding for a time, woman. However, you should be aware of the consequences if you set me free."

She absentmindedly rubbed at the spot over her chest where his teeth had been, lips curving. "I know what'll happen to me, Hellhound," Kagome said quietly. "I accept the consequences."

Sesshoumaru bumped her leg with his nose, resting his head upon her thighs. “Then what do you command?”

"I want you to devour them," she murmured, gaze far away as she stroked mindful fingers through matted fur. "I believe in reincarnation, so I want you to prevent these terrible people from ever getting a second chance at life again. Eat them all- except the Head Priest. Him...you can drag home, to the deepest, darkest place available. Never let him be free from the shackles and iron bars you thrust inside him."

Sesshoumaru's breath shuddered. Their judgement aligned perfectly; and she'd spoken his desires aloud.

He had come across countless souls during his wrathful existence. He knew kind ones as well as those corrupted. This was one of the few times Sesshoumaru felt he'd witnessed a kind person pushed too far, beyond her breaking point. Now a deep well of dark emotion had pooled inside her, magnificent in its righteous fury.

Shifting, he dragged a hot, wet tongue up the length of Kagome's collarbone and neck, leaving a slick trail.

"Such pain...I can taste the ash on you," he purred, looking into her sad blue eyes. His voice hardened, incensed with renewed anger from her hurts and his own. "Free me, and it is gladly done."

Kagome shivered, before moving around his side. Gripping one iron bar embedded through his front leg that jutted into the alter below, she planted her knees wide.

"This is going to be a painful process, I'm sorry. W-will you survive the blood loss?"

The white demonic dog flashing her a jagged smile. "Just who do you think you are talking to?"

With a nod, Kagome steeled herself. Giving a hard yank that sent her stumbling backwards- the long, gruelling process began. Only when the agony died down would a monster with blood-red eyes emerge from the bowels of the church.

And all Hell broke loose.

-----

The church tower collapsed through the roof that fateful night. Bloodshed had begun, soaking the air with a coppery taste that quickly became dwarfed by fire. Earlier rainfall could not deter it- nothing stood in its blazing, enraged path.

White flames roared around the silver monster. He chased men down the church aisle in a frenzied hunger, catching them in his jaws. Of course, he saved the best for last.

The Head Priest trembled against a broken wall while screams pervaded the smoky air.

Sesshoumaru turned, panting. A red tongue lolled, snaking up to lick his bloodied maw.

With a yelp, the man tried to scramble away- only for his robes to be snagged on a broken beam. Heavy paws collided with his back, teeth latching into his clothes.

Within the burning depths of the church, a roaring inferno opened up. The Priest clawed and scrambled at blistering ground, cobblestone turning into scolding cinders beneath his palms. Frightened screams rang out as he was dragged backwards, Sesshoumaru descending with him down a winding, fiery path into the earth.

Everything collapsed inwards with one final groan of wood as structures toppled, the building completely caving into a burning wreck.

Kagome stood alone on a hillside, watching the entire thing unfold. She then smoothed her skirts, crouching by an unmarked, mass grave.

"I hope...you'll feel avenged now," she said softly.

She did not run nor scream. Instead, Kagome waited patiently to meet her fate, setting some flowers down.

A white dog demon covered in patches of ash approached silently. He sat beside her, neither acknowledging the violence he'd just committed.

"This is where you are buried?" he asked, gazing intently at her.

The ghost smiled wanly. "Buried makes it sound like we had a funeral. I was dumped in this hole with a few other women after we were sentenced as witches and burned at the stake. Nothing was left but my charred remains," her voice wobbled. Kagome made to wipe some tears- his sticky tongue licking them away before she could.

She gentled, touching his bloodied jaw. "H-how are your wounds?"

"All but mended," Sesshoumaru drew closer, humid breath fanning over her neck. "You know what must happen now."

Kagome laughed cynically. "Mn, because I'm a corrupt soul, you'll be dragging me to Hell too," she brushed a hand over the fur at his shoulder. Blue eyes hesitated for a moment, afraid of something entirely human.

"Will it...hurt?" she whispered.

If it were possible for a demon dog to ease his expression into something a touch less cold and hungry, Sesshoumaru managed to achieve something almost warm. He didn't answer at first, allowing a moment of silence to stretch between them. When he finally spoke again, his speech resounded inside her head as a soft grumble.

"No. Not for you."

"Oh, I'm glad to hear that," a breath rushed out of her dead lungs, arms wrapping around herself as she glanced at the grave. "I've had enough pain, thank you."

"Indeed, you and I both."

A lily-white hand was offered down to her, sliding into her vision. Kagome's gaze drew up to a tall male.

The yellow moon looming behind his head gave him a halo effect; its gentle glow lining his face and dazzling her. Silvery hair split down broad shoulders, hanging like fine royal threads fit for a King. He wore black robes that billowed like dragon smoke.

Sesshoumaru's inhuman face smiled in an unnerving fashion, though she could tell the intent behind it- the desire to reassure her despite evidence of death on his robes. "Shall we go?" he asked in rich, clear tones.

Kagome stared up at the demon's handsome features. Smiling, she grasped his clawed hand without fear, allowing him to pull her up.

"You didn't have to change into such a pleasing form. I was coming with you anyway."

"My form is pleasing?" thin lips curved, tucking her hand into the crook of his arm, Sesshoumaru strolled with her down the hill, a gateway opening up within the earth as a huge chasm, welcoming him home.

"Oh hush, you know it is," Kagome smiled tiredly, walking with the Hellhound away from the fire and brimstone burning behind them. "So...will I be punished down there?" her voice was almost lost, spoken so softly.

Glowing eyes smiled. "There is a place some call the Elysian Fields. I will take you to them."

She stiffened, blinking rapidly to expel the salty tears of relief and gratitude welling up in her eyes. Kagome stopped within the cavern of the underworld, causing him to halt with her. Drenched under harsh shadows of the earth about to swallow them whole, his eyes shone red like glittering jewels.

"I suppose I'll need a guard too," she said evenly. "To make sure I don't escape. I'm a very wicked soul, after all. A heretic."

Sesshoumaru flashed his teeth at her. "Hn, the worst kind. I will see to it personally since this one is best suited for such a difficult task."

Smiling with relief, Kagome willingly walked with him into the jaws of Hell.

End