#Azazel did it

[shanastoryteller]

The day his deal comes due, Sam goes missing.

Dean tells himself it’s nothing, that he’s gotten caught up in some research, some last ditch, hail mary nonsense and that he’s just turned his phone off and everything’s fine, that he wouldn’t do something stupid, that he wouldn’t break his promise.

He tells himself that for the first two minutes after he cracks his eyes open and sees the empty bed across from him, and the first time his call goes straight to voicemail, and not much after that. Sam’s broken his promises over things significantly less important to him than his brother’s life.

Dean is dressed and in the Impala five minutes later, heart thudding wildly in his chest. He calls Bobby, Ellen, everyone he can think of, but none of them have heard from Sam, none of them have eyes on him. Sam was with him last night, even if he boosted a car, there’s only so far he can get.

He keeps calling, keep searching, desperate to stop whatever he’s trying to do, to find him, to see his brother one last time before he’s dragged to hell. To make sure Sam is going to be okay after he’s dragged to hell. But the hours tick down, the sun sets, and he can’t find a trace of him. He’s so exhausted and heart sick that when he goes to call Sam again it takes him a long time to read the number on his phone, eyes swimming, the time not making any sense.

1:03

That’s not possible.

That’s not –

His phone rings, blocking out the time with Bobby’s name across the screen, and he answers it but his throat is too thick to say anything.

“Dean?” Bobby says tentatively. “Are you – I got an email from Sam. It just said, I mean, did–“

“What did it say, Bobby?” he asks, even though he’s sure he knows.

Bobby sucks in a breath at his voice, because he knows just as well as Dean that he should be screaming in hell right now, not answering his phone. “To take care of you.”

Dean drops the phone, hears Bobby still talking as he grips the wheel and presses his forehead against the back of his hands. This is what he’d been afraid of. This is why he hadn’t wanted to mess with the deal in first place. This is the one thing he’d begged Sam not to do.

It's easy to find a crossroad.

The demon is laughing at him when it shows up, wicked grin in a pretty face. “That didn’t take you long, boy.”

It’s a different demon than the one he delt with, obviously, but Dean figures they all know the same shit, since demons are a bunch of gossips. “This wasn’t the deal. My brother lives and I die.”

“You traded your soul for your brother’s life,” she corrects, so amused by all this that all he wants to do is kill her, to exorcise her, to make her scream. “Just like your father traded his for yours. There’s no reason Sammy can’t make his own trade. Man, but is your family fucked up. Maybe if you’d just settled down like little Sammy wanted, you wouldn’t all be bargaining for each other’s lives like haggling at a flea market.”

“Untrade it,” he snaps. “My soul for him alive, come on, no year, no waiting, you bring him back and take me to hell right now.”

She laughs in his face. “You don’t have anything to bargain with, boy.”

“My soul,” he repeats, “That’s what this is about, isn’t?”

“Oh, it’s what it’s all about,” she says. “But Sammy’s a clever boy. You know that, don’t you? He didn’t trade his soul for your life, he didn’t have to. You didn’t die. No, he traded it for your soul. Sorry, honey, but your credits been declined.”

At first he doesn’t understand. Sam traded his soul for Dean’s, exactly, so there’s no reason he can’t trade it right back. Then he gets it.

She sees the exact moment it clicks, the moment despair and horror sweep across his face too quickly for him to stop them. “That’s right. Little brother owns your soul now. For some reason he didn’t think you’d take proper care of it. You have it because that’s where he wants it, but no one will be making any deals with you, Dean Winchester. You can’t sell a soul you don’t own.”

“You can’t,” he has to clear his throat, “you can’t just come in and change things at the eleventh hour-”

“Eleventh hour?” she interrupts. “Sammy made his deal eleven months ago.”

His mouth is so dry he can’t speak.

“Isn’t it funny?” she asks, head cocked to the side. “All this time, the deal he’s been trying to get out of wasn’t yours, but his own. Maybe the two of you might have even managed it, except you just wouldn’t help, would you? Insisting that he not research, that he not look for a way out, and he spent so much time trying to convince you, coaxing you to talk about your feelings when he knew you were safe, all he because he thought it would make you feel better when he was gone, because he couldn’t tell you the truth and talk about how scared he was, so talking about your fear was as close as he could get.”

Dean’s going to be sick. “Don’t – please, please, I’ll give you anything-”

“You don’t have anything,” she says, gleeful. “You want to know why I agreed? The thing that made it just too delicious to refuse? Sammy’s down there, just starting in on an eternity of torture, and all he has to do get out of it is give up your soul. It’s his, after all, and he can put the original deal back in place any time he chooses. Just one moment of weakness on his end and his beloved big brother will be on the rack instead.” She sighs happily. “It’s almost as good as anything we’re doing to him down there, the knowledge that if he slips up for even a moment then it would all be for nothing. I couldn’t have found a way to twist the knife deeper if I tried.”

There’s vomit crawling its way up his throat and he has to swallow it down before he can speak. “I can’t – I’ll do whatever you want, please, there has to be something.”

She leans forward, cruelty and delight shining in her eyes. “The only thing you can do is what you’ve been telling your precious baby brother to do for the past year. Accept it. Move on. Live a good life so his sacrifice isn’t in vain.”

God. How can she – how can Sammy expect him to –

He’s doubling over, finally upchucking what little he’s ate today, and he’s dry heaving on the dirt when he hears the fading sound of her laughter.

This can’t be real. This has to be Hell, he has to be in it right now. He has to be.

[lonewolf638]

hypothetically what if i said they should have fucked

[star-lights-up]

Missing her today. )):

[smurfs-insideout-au]

hey enamoured! Have you ever been in a relationship?? are you currently looking for someone???

[wowieeitsisa]

Miscellaneous tboi doods

[incesthemes]

as i've rewatched seasons 1 and 2 of supernatural i've been pondering and hypothesizing reasons why john was so adamant on not letting sam know about his destiny. why he was so intent on keeping this secret, why he didn't want sam knowing about monsters, why his role in their hunts appeared to be research-oriented and thus away from the action. my perspective on ignorance and censorship is that it enables further harm, so if john were going to effectively protect sam, it would stand to reason that sam should have a comprehensive understanding of his destiny and what he's up against: give him the tools to fight.

this is obviously not the route john went, so then i have to question why that is—what about censorship was so appealing to him that he thought it not only the best way to keep sam safe, but perhaps even the only way to keep him safe, based on how he begged even dean to keep sam's fate a secret from him in his final words?

so i got to thinking. namely, about the fact that azazel wants sam to be hunting: he killed jessica with the intent to drag him back into the life, which implies that if sam is hunting, he is going down the path azazel wants him to go—he's following his destiny. this aligns with the everpresent theme throughout season 1 that hunting is a monstrous lifestyle, that hunting turns people into monsters. if sam is destined to become a monster, then hunting is the most sure-fire way to get him there.

if azazel wants sam to hunt, then john would need to take the logical opposition and keep sam out of hunting—so, he wouldn't tell sam about monsters until he has to, he'd give sam more passive roles once sam is participating in hunts, he'd train sam in self-defense but not explain why. and importantly, he wouldn't talk about mary, who is the root cause of this lifestyle, the impetus for their revenge quest, more than he has to. if the goal is to keep sam as far away from hunting as possible, and if john is someone who thinks ignorance keeps someone safe, then this more or less explains most of how sam was raised: on the fringes of the family, excluded and sheltered.

but weirdly enough, it wasn't until i was reading east of eden the other night that i finally understood the perspective being presented: late in the novel, the character lee says "when the first innocence is gone, you can't stop."

it made me remember that sam picks. he is a character who wants to understand the world around him and his place in it. if something is bothering him, he turns it over in his head until it consumes him. dean places doubt in sam's head in 2x10 and it obliterates him by 2x11. he's convinced he's going to become some horrible monster because he never stops thinking and trying to figure things out. when his memory is wiped in 4x17 and normal guy sam wesson finds out his coworker is the guy from his weird dreams, he pursues him relentlessly until they're back hunting. when he discovers the wall death put in his mind to keep his hell trauma out in season 6, he pushes and can't stop until it starts crumbling around him. he's intelligent and clever and he wants to know everything. and when he doesn't know, he picks.

and the only way to stop a person like that from picking is to not let them know that there's something to pick at in the first place. that's what the quote from east of eden means: once you catch wind of something, you want to pursue it until you're satisfied. curiosity kills the cat.

and what john is up against is fate itself. something that isn't supposed to be messed with, something that's supposed to be unavoidable. so trying to thwart it is tricky business. he has to be careful.

i think working under that logic his response makes sense, even if it wound up being a self-fulfilling prophecy anyway—sam was always going to find out, and sam was always going to pick. there was nothing john could do in the end to stop it, and trying to keep sam ignorant only made him that much more desperate to know. but that's the great tragedy of it all: john was given an impossible choice, and he's a deeply flawed character. he did what he thought was best, and it only made things worse.

i like this interpretation because it ties all of john's choices together really well; it explains a lot about his character and gives a nuanced and rather reasonable explanation for why he did what he did: a dad who wants the best for his kid does what he believes will set him up on the path to success. when the first innocence is gone, you can't stop—so john does his damnedest to keep sam innocent, even to his dying breath.

the problem comes down to that someone's damnedest isn't always good enough, and that sometimes someone's damnedest ends up benefiting the enemy instead.

[candycryptids]

Malta and Azazel go to the carnival for a spirited night out OuO There's a new haunted house that Az thinks Malta will like...

... And of course Louis is there to meander about while Malta bullies Az with all the jumpscares...

Azazel uses He/Him and belongs to @meatybits Malta uses They/It

[horrorshow]

You’re the one I’m rooting for. It was about you. It’s always been about you.

SUPERNATURAL 2.21 All Hell Breaks Loose (Part 1)

[aliusfrater]

[tainted-esau]

Woa

[pragainfernal]

Azazel

(alt ver)

[smurfs-insideout-au]

wait you have a brother???

Distracted

“Mm huh? ..OH Yes yes!”

“-i do have a brother -anyway! where was I?-“

Scribbles back to the notes on his hand held board.

[finalgirlsamwinchester]

1.22, "Devil's Trap" | 10.3, "Soul Survivor" | W.B. Yeats, "Purgatory"

[paula-gio]

Redesigned Ameri cause I think her original outfit is so ugly. Godbless 🙏

[theboykingsmichaelsword]

SUPREMELY fucked up that the angels sent dean and dean alone back to the day of mary's deal because it's just further evidence of how family is weaponized against dean

sam has this thing about being excluded because he's the youngest and had to be protected even when it left him by himself while john and dean were out hunting. then he voluntarily leaves the family unit because he wanted normalcy and safety, understandably couldn't bear the thought of the people he cared about getting hurt and so chose to run from all of it. meanwhile, dean can't leave because he can't leave john to hunt by himself--has been raised his whole life to protect and keep the family unit the family peace take care of sam take care of dad make sure sam eats even if you have to starve make sure dad's injuries are patched up help dad with research teach sam how to research keep the guns clean make sure there's enough salt shells learn how to credit card scam the list goes on--and dean canonically takes it as a personal failure if things go wrong even when it's not his fault. sam leaves and dean has to remain even if going would kill him just the same as staying does.

and then, all the minutiae of s1-s3 aside, dean spends 40 years being tormented in hell only to be resurrected because there's another thing people need him to be responsible for. heaven wants him to stop the apocalypse only no heaven doesn't actually, heaven wants him to stop sam from taking demon blood only no heaven doesn't actually, heaven wants him to prevent mary from making a demon deal ONLY NO HEAVEN DOESN'T ACTUALLY

dean goes back in time and comes face-to-face with the monster that killed his parents and ruined his and his brother's lives. dean, being only human and working off deliberately limited information, thinks "i'm here because if i kill azazel now, i stop all of that, we can all live normal lives together no one has to die" EXCEPT

if heaven never sent dean back, samuel and mary never would've gone to the whitshire farm the night azazel's there to organize another psychic child conception. if heaven never sent dean back, azazel wouldn't have met mary and decided he liked her enough to fixate on making sure she'd give him one of her babies down the line. if heaven never sent dean back, azazel never would've worn samuel as a meatsuit, stabbed himself, and then killed his own wife. if heaven never sent dean back, azazel never would've made sure to kill john THAT NIGHT to get mary to make a deal

so to dean, he essentially watches both of his parents die again in front of him and this time he's 'directly' responsible for it because he failed to stop it. only dean didn't actually fail because heaven was never going to let him interrupt because he and sam needed to be born and raised exactly the way they were. dean succeeds in doing everything heaven wants from him...by failing. he protects heaven and hell's plan for the apocalypse by doing the thing he's been raised to do--hunt and love his family. heaven watches him damn himself by being exactly who he is: someone taking on the weight of the world inevitably at the cost of himself. dean breaks his back on his own goddamn cross because that was always the plan AND he has to live with it because he's the only one who can because he's alone and because heaven doesn't sympathize (even if one angel does)

when he's back in the present, cas tells dean "you couldn't have stopped it, destiny can't be changed" but the truth is dean was never supposed to stop anything and maybe destiny can't be changed but that's weird because they sure needed his involvement to shape it the way they wanted didn't they?

then cas, also working on limited information because heaven is a bureaucracy, tells dean "your brother is headed down a dangerous road and we don't know where it leads so stop it...or we will" which we know to be false because this was always the plan BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY places the responsibility once again on dean's shoulders. dean bears the burden and the blame when he fails like they need him to because he and sam are players on a board with both heaven and hell bearing down and closing in

dean gets to meet his parents when they're younger and gets to have a sit-down family dinner with his mom and their grandparents only it's more like he has to meet his parents when they're younger and he has to have a sit-down dinner with his mom and their grandparents because it has to happen exactly like this and dean has to watch them die and sam isn't there because sam is once again excluded while dean is kept painfully front-and-center so it's just him it's all on him the way it always has been. dean meets his family he kills his family his family kills him

[godofautism]

Fun fact!

Isaac from The Binding of Isaac canonically has DID!

Here are my headcanons for each of the alters (and Host)

Note: I got all of my info from this site as it was the first one to pop up and if there are better sites to use please let me know.

Isaac: Host

Magdalene: Caretaker

Cain: Alter

Judas: Trauma holder

??? / Blue Baby: Dead Alter

Eve: Suicidal Alter

Samson: Persecutor

Azazel: Demon / 'Evil'

Lazarus: Protector

Eden: Fragment

The Lost: Spirit Alter

Lilith: Little

The Keeper: Gatekeeper

Apollyon: Shell

The Forgotten: Dead Alter

The Soul: Spirit Alter

Bethany: Internal Self-Helper (ISH)

Jacob: Twin Alter (Esau)

Esau: Twin Alter (Jacob)