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Matt Bellamy 20,000-character Interview - Muse [ROCKIN'ON (October 2001/August 2010)]

MATTHEW BELLAMY

Matthew Bellamy, 20,000-character interview. July 2001. Matthew Bellamy, then 23, tells all about his life in this 20,000-character interview, re-recorded!

“I wanted someone too. I always wanted someone I could look up to and follow in their footsteps. But I didn't have anyone. Then, suddenly, I thought, ‘Oh, I can say something great by myself, I can make something happen by myself’.”

Interview: SUZUKI Akane (first published in Rockin'On, October 2001)

"One night I couldn't sleep, so I went downstairs and found my mum talking to a dead person." 「I was born on 9th June, 1978. I have an elder brother and an elder sister, and this elder sister is from a different mother, because my father was married three times, so it's a bit of a complicated family (laughs). So I don't know her very well because I haven't had much contact with her. My brother has the same mother and is five years older than me. So I'm the youngest. So…… Yes, I was always very energetic and restless as a child (laughs). Even before I started school, I used to play with the neighbourhood kids on the street every day. I wasn't interested in music at that time.

My father was a musician and my mother was a medium. People often say I have an unusual family environment, but I never thought it was strange. And I wasn't a medium all my life, I just got into it at a certain time and then I stopped. Well, my grandma was a medium too, so maybe I have a strong psychic bloodline or something, but I don't believe in that kind of thing anymore. There was a table in the house with the alphabet written on it. A Ouija board (a British version of Kokkuri-san). Also, there are cups in the house that move even though nobody touches them (laughs). But I didn't make my living as a medium, I just did it for fun. My friends would ask me to do it. No, it's called divining the future…… See, I'm a medium, so I talk to the dead…… Mm-hm-hm-hm (giggles). Is that weird? But not so often…… I mean, there was a time when I did it all the time, but I didn't really understand it until I was 9 or 10 years old. One night I couldn't sleep, so I went downstairs and found my mum talking to a dead person (laughs). Then my mother explained to me what was going on. Then I got into it, too, and I played the part of writing the dead person's words on a piece of paper……. (laughs).

My brother was a musician, he took piano lessons. He didn't want to. But when I was five or six years old, I started to approach the piano on my own, even though he didn't teach me. I used to imitate the music my brother played for me and play it on the piano. I used to get a lot of pleasure out of playing TV programme themes by ear (laughs). But I never took any formal lessons, so I think it was only last year or so that my piano skills improved. From the age of five to twelve, I played the keyboard simply because it was fun. Then, when I was 10 or 11, I started listening to and practising blues records by Ray Charles and Robert Johnson. Late at night, my brother and father would play the records and I would copy them by ear. That's how I got my first gig when I was, I think, 12 years old. I went to a local little music showcase. I played Ray Charles-style piano and won. I was really happy. Because all the other kids were classical and could read the notes. Mine was completely improvised. Funky, isn't it (laughs)? In hindsight, I think my parents thought that was the way a child was going to follow a musical path and let me do it.」

"My first memory is…… when I was 2 years old and I smelled cough medicine. I could see another me smelling it. Then I wondered why I was here." 「My first memory is…… When I was 2 years old and I smelled cough medicine. I saw another me looking at me smelling it. And I thought, why am I here? For the first time I thought that I was different from other people, that I was not connected to other people. After that, that awareness didn't go away. But I don't know why I felt so uncomfortable with my existence. I really don't know. Do I talk to my friends about that kind of feeling……… Umm, yeah, well a little bit…… Hmmm. Yes, there were girls who understood me. I mean, I had friends who I could talk about it with. I don't think it's such an unusual way of thinking…… Do you think it's strange? Well, I guess you could say I was one of the first. Maybe, yeah. Well, to be honest, I didn't talk about it with people until I was about 12. I don't know how to explain it. I don't know what to say…… I mean, let's say I'm thinking about a particular thing all the time, right? Then all of a sudden I started wondering if other kids are thinking the same way, or what about them? Then I started to get confused because I didn't know what was going on at all. But, well, the thing I didn't understand the most was why I had to do something. You know, why do I have to go to school? In my own way, I came to the conclusion that school is there to strengthen society, or more precisely, to strengthen the nation (laughs). But really, I didn't know why I had to go to school. I don't know who influenced me. I don't think it had anything to do with my mother being a medium. I felt uncomfortable even when I was with my family in the first place. Even in my own house I wasn't sure that I belonged here. Yes, when I was 6 years old (laughs).

But when I'm making music, I feel like I'm one with the world. In other words, when I'm making music, I get nervous and I feel like I'm one with the world. This is a story from when I was very young, but I realised that when I was making music, I could go to a place where I had nothing to do with anything or anyone else in the world. You are alone and you don't need anything else but this music. It's like a state of ecstasy. After that, when I was in that state, school, parties and work seemed so boring (laughs). No, I don't think boredom is the right word, I think it's more like a feeling of, "what's the point of taking all that stuff seriously?"…… It's hard to explain in words. For example, if something bad happens, if I'm having a bad day - you know, if I get into an argument with someone, if I'm not having fun, if I'm in a bad mood anyway - as long as I make music, I can definitely enter that space. That's why I'm not good at emotions. I mean I'm not good at………… For example, when I was 13 or 14, my parents got divorced and I didn't feel anything. Really. I really felt it, but I didn't hide it, but yeah, I really didn't feel anything, I didn't feel anything. That's my problem. I mean, I'm a person who can't feel anything! ……I guess that means I was shutting off my emotions…… I don't know about that. Music, whether it's piano, guitar, singing or whatever, I got into bands right around the time of my parents' divorce, when I was 14 or 15 years old—anyway, music makes me feel something, it gives me a reason to be happy. It makes life more enjoyable. It gives me something to live for. I've lived with that feeling all my life…………… Yeah, well, maybe that's true. Maybe I was shutting out. But the reason I shut them out was because I didn't need them. I mean, I didn't need the feelings. Is that so weird (laughs)? But I really did. But now I'm working with emotions. And a lot of them (laughs).」

"Even when I was with my family I felt uncomfortable. Even when I was in my own house I wasn't sure that I belonged here, even though I was six years old."

"I left home when I was 17 and started living on my own, and the guy I started living with was a drug dealer." 「At school…… I've changed schools a lot. Let's see, (counts on fingers) I changed schools four times between the ages of 6 and 11. Heh heh. From 12 to 16 I went to the same school, and from 17 to 18 I went to another school, but I stopped there halfway through. I changed schools a lot because my parents moved four times, and after they split up I started living with my grandmother, and then I lived with my mother for a bit, so I was moving every six months…… So what was I like at school…… Yeah, I was quite hyperactive, cynical about teachers (laughs). Oppositional (laughs). I mean, you know, I could study. When I was about 12 or 13, I was good at science and maths, and I was in a special class for kids who could do it. But I was very lazy. I skipped a lot of classes. I would only come to school at noon (laughs). This started when I was around 13 or 14 years old, but school became really boring and I stopped going at all. I mean, I did go to school, but I hardly attended morning classes (laughs). I stayed up until midnight so I couldn't get up in the morning, so I would only come to school after noon (laughs). Yes, that's what I did from junior high school onwards (laughs). But, you see, I studied hard and got good grades, so I was able to get by (laughs). And at school in England, if you were late three times, you were given detention. So I was late more than three times in three years, and when I left school I got a ‘well done for being late’ award as a joke (laughs). I got detention almost every day. But the teachers didn't seem too worried. Because my grades were good. Well, in primary school I got the best grades in all subjects (all 5s) or something like that, but by the time I was 16 I was in the middle of everything. My parents didn't seem to be worried. I mean, they didn't know how far their son had come, did they? Well, I don't think they didn't know at all, but, you know, when I was 13 or 14, I lived with my grandmother, I lived with my mother, it was complicated (laughs). I didn't feel lonely because of that… …… But it was fun (laughs). Anyway, my mother worked and she'd go to work in the morning, so I could sleep in the house alone in bed. No one knows I'm home. My mother doesn't come home until five or six o'clock, so I'm alone after school. That's fun, isn't it (laughs)? I'd invite my friends over, we'd go out and do things, you know, …… All sorts of things. But I'm not like a delinquent or anything like that. Really. I might have been a bit of a bad boy, but only a bit. My friends were more like real bad boys. Nfufufufufufufufufufufu. But, well, when I think about it……… I think it was the band that kept me going. Because two or three of my friends were in serious trouble, you know, seriously. I mean, they became criminals or something (explosive laughter). Some of them I don't hang out with anymore, but some of them were stealing cars all year round, and I had a friend who was a drug dealer. I lived with him (laughs). I left home when I was 17 and started living on my own, and the guy I started living with was a drug dealer. But (desperately) I didn't do it, I really didn't do it [the drugs]. But he got into real, real trouble, and in the end he ended up in prison (laughs)? At that time I was seriously earning my living by working part-time as a painter. Then, when I was 18 or 19, I started playing a lot of small gigs with my band, and I started to concentrate on that. So the band helped me to take my mind off ‘that state’.

Part-time jobs, hey, um… I've done so many things I can't even remember anymore. I had a job washing campervans at a campsite…… And what was that again? Oh yeah, I also did demolition work. You know, the kind where you do the do-do-do-do with a drill (laughs). There was this huge shopping centre that had closed down because people weren't coming to it anymore. I spent six weeks demolishing it with my friends and stuff. That was fun (laughs). I also worked as a painter and interior decorator, and as a dishwasher. I worked part-time while I was at school, and I started working part-time when I was about 16, but basically I worked like that from the time I dropped out of school at 18 until I was 20, until the band got signed.」

"I wanted to be alone with her in the middle of nowhere. We were on a small island in Greece, not on any map, nobody knew where we were, for about three weeks." 「I took drama classes at school, but I did other things too. I couldn't just do music, could I? I had to go to school and I had to earn a living. And I had three girl friends. It's not a sexual relationship at all. I mean, I've always belonged to different groups. It's not just one, it's always more than one. There's one group of friends like Dom and Chris and the band, and then there's the group of drug dealers and car thieves that I mentioned earlier, that I hang out with on a daily basis, and then there's this group of girls. They do improvisation as a hobby, and they sing prayers to God Almighty and stuff like that. They were very eccentric and experimented with all sorts of things. And then, when I was 17, there was a period when I was hanging out with these girls. We would all lose ourselves and do weird things. All the friends I've mentioned, I'm friends with each of them, but I like them for different reasons, you know? Different experiences, different backgrounds. It's more interesting, isn't it? Anyway, so I went on a week-long trip with these girls, and we went to an area where there were churches and youth hostels and stuff like that, and we went to…… Oh, I can't explain this in words. It's really like a dream. It's like a fantasy, where we all dream together and play music purely from our imagination. You know what I mean? Well, that's what I mean by avant-garde. All three of them thought they were witches (laughs). And we read all these books about witches and Satanism and stuff like that. I thought that was cool, so I went along with them (laughs). And I could talk about spiritual things… But I think it was more because it was more interesting to use my weird imagination with them. The chemistry between the three girls and one cute guy… I mean, I don't want people to have weird imaginations, but it's not like that, it's more creative. We were really close spiritually, and we were really good friends. And we all sang scripture together and chorused together…… That's when I started singing in a girlish voice (laughs).

A-levels (optional subjects for university entrance exams), you know, I took Music, Media Studies, Philosophy and Photography. But I stopped taking philosophy and photography halfway through. I mean, I only attended one philosophy class. It was boring to death (laughs). So I stopped going to university……….. Oh, I think I was 17 when I went on a trip to Europe. Sorry, you know, I can't remember the dates, although I remember what happened. So we went all over Spain and Greece and stuff. But not for that long, like five months or something. I don't know what the purpose of the trip was, because, you know, I went with my girlfriend. I was crazy about her and I simply wanted to go somewhere with her. It was a lot of fun. I learnt to play flamenco guitar, and we went to Italy and Greece quite a lot…… I just wanted to be alone with her in the middle of nowhere. Eventually I found a little island in Greece called Paxos, it's not even on the map, it's a really small island, nobody knows it. So I was there alone with my girlfriend for about three weeks. But we hitchhiked all over Europe and took the train to get there. Money (laughs)? What did I do with it? I didn't have any money at the time, so I had to work part-time to save some money, I think. Then, in a place called Corfu, Greece, all my money was stolen. So I called her parents and asked them to send me some money. Her parents are very rich (laughs).」

"The kids at school weren't interesting at all, and I wanted to talk about more stuff. Things like what it means for a person to die. Things that normal people don't really think about." 「When I was around 16-18 years old, I was really frustrated because I didn't like the situation I was in. Everyone around me was so boring. So every day, all I could think about was, "I want to do something, I want to do something different, I want to do something, anything, even if it's against the law" (laughs). The kids around me just woke up, went to school, went home and went to bed. That's boring, isn't it? Also, the kids at school don't talk about anything interesting, and I wanted to talk about something different. For example, I'd like to talk about…… Religion, inspiration, spirituality, things like that. What does it mean for a person to die? Things that normal people don't think about much (laughs). But it's not all serious things like that, in my case, the way I approach girls is also different (laughs). Eh, so, um, I don't know, that's…… (laughs). More aggressive than others? (laughs). Er, no, not like that (laughs). That …… Well, I guess I'd like to do something a little more experimental (laughs). Erm… eh… …… Well, I'll leave it to your imagination (laughs). (coming to himself in a panic) Well, anyway, I was different in many ways from other people. Of course I had playmates, like I said before, and I had fun with them, but I wanted something more…… I was looking for something more. I think it's still the same today. I'm still not satisfied with the status quo. I don't know why I felt different at the time…… I don't know. Anyway, one thing I can say is that the people around me were fucking boring, I was like, are you guys really alive? Aren't you actually dead? (laughs)

It's not that I'm more precocious than other people, it's more that I always have the feeling that there is something stronger and more powerful than me that decides what I should do and gives me direction. Usually that would be a parent, a teacher or even God, but I didn't want to be ordered around by something like that. You know what I mean? And then I looked at the friends I was playing with and I realised… I mean, I always felt frustrated because I wanted someone, you know? I always wanted someone cool, someone I could look up to, someone I could follow. But there was no one. So, like I said before, I went down the rabbit hole (laughs). So it wasn't a revelation, but then all of a sudden I thought, "I should say something great, I should make something happen by myself." I thought maybe if I did that, then people might start doing what I told them to do. Exactly like 'Megalomania'? Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. (panicked) Not , not …… I mean, for example, when I first started the band, I didn't want to be a vocalist. I was just playing guitar in the back, and I really enjoyed being in that kind of behind-the-scenes position. Oh, I was in this band when I was 15, a different band to Muse. But that band didn't get a lot of gigs, and they didn't really try to write their own original songs. I was always encouraging them to write songs and do original stuff. Eventually, I got out of that band and started writing my own songs. So for a long time I was looking for someone to be an example or a role model. But I couldn't find one. So I just had to start on my own. Do you understand what I'm saying now? But really, I didn't even think about doing it myself at first. I'm not a show-off or anything. Really, really (laughs). Now it's fun to be in the middle of the stage like this. Anyway…….. I wonder why everyone wants to imitate others like that. Do you know what it means to be a law-abiding person? A person who follows others obediently. I wonder why they follow without questioning anything like that. I would never follow someone and I don't want to. But everyone follows like that. Yes, I'm probably a very independent person. I'm as independent as I can be, as much as I can (laughs). But not completely stepping away from society (laughs)."

"Of course I had playmates and I had fun with them, but I was looking for something more…… I was looking for something more. I think that's still the case. I'm still not satisfied with the status quo at all."

"I put on some fancy clothes and make-up and stuff like that, and we went to a band competition or something like that. And we destroyed the whole stage. And we won." 「My first band was Gothic Plague when I was 15. I started it with Dom and two other guys to kill time. Ah, I didn't give them that name, but Dom's sister did. Chris was in a different band at the time. But when I was 14 or 15, it wasn't really a band, it wasn't like a live show or anything, it was just something we did because it was fun to get together and play. When it came to performing in front of people, sometimes we would play at parties. At those times, all the people in the audience were friends, and everyone was jumping up and down (sticking out middle finger and sticking out tongue), yelling and stuff like that (laughs). Then Chris, Dom, me and another person formed a band called Rocket Baby Dolls, which we formed out of necessity for a certain concert. Me and Dom wrote a couple of songs, and then I met Chris and we decided to do it together, and the three of us practised together. We weren't thinking ahead at the time, we didn't have any big vision. We simply dressed up in fancy clothes and put on make-up, you know, like junior high school and high school kids often do? That kind of thing. We went to a band competition. And we destroyed the whole stage and stuff. Yeah, I was already doing that from then on (laughs). Then I don't know what happened, but we won (laughs). That's when I started to take the future of the band a bit more seriously. We changed our minds and started practising properly, and after that it wasn't a game any more. All three of us instantly felt that this was a band that could express itself seriously. We could make music properly. That was when I was 16. And right after that, we went on the trip I mentioned earlier. Yes, of course I learnt to play the Spanish guitar because of that trip, and the Muse sound was born, but was that a turning point for me……? Yes, but I think it's a good thing that it was, because it coincided with the time period. We practised a couple of times for a couple of weeks and played a couple of shows. Then we went on a trip. I had already planned a trip with my girlfriend, so I couldn't cancel it. So I went on the trip, and the reason I took my guitar with me was because, in hindsight, I felt like I had to back out of Muse. After I came back from that trip, I started writing songs as fast as I could. Until then, I had mainly been improvising sounds. So during the trip I wrote some songs for the first time. I wrote the first song on the first album, let's see, "Cave", and I wrote the phrase in "Muscle Museum" while I was on the road. I also wrote parts of "Unintended". I started writing lyrics when I started writing my own songs, but only key phrases came out, one line or so. But it took me a while to finish the songs. I'd write a song, play the guitar and sing it, and try to remember the words as they came out. Then, when I have more time, I'll finish it properly. In the beginning it took me a long time to write songs, so I wrote them little by little.」

"I fell in love with her when I was 16 and we were together for six years straight. I didn't have a lot of the usual romantic frustrations and dissatisfaction that I would normally have had." 「Haha, of course I don't write boy-meets-girl lyrics…I don't know why. It's like feeling in love with someone, or like that girl, but you can't say it (laughs). You know…….. When I think about it, maybe that's one of the things that made me different from everyone else. I fell in love with the girl I mentioned earlier when I was 16 and we were together for six years. So I didn't have the usual relationship frustrations, cravings, 'I want a woman' feelings (laughs), in the first place. Well, it would be a lie if I said I had no such feelings, but I was seriously in love with that girl. Yes, I had a steady relationship with her. But she's a lot like me. I mean, she's the type of person who always wants more and more (bursts out laughing by himself for some reason). We were really like one in the same, but she was always wanting more and more and more. So we ended up going to…… She wanted to see the world, for example. So she's living a bit like me. She's still travelling. We broke up recently, I think six months ago. See………… But it's not like the love is gone. She's travelling all the time, and I'm touring all the time. Maybe that's why there aren't many love songs in my songs. I didn't spend my youth worrying about girls 24 hours a day, I'm sure. Well, that doesn't mean I was popular with the girls, you know… (extremely embarrassed) No, no, no, no, no……….. Oh, you know, the children's music competition I was telling you about earlier, I won first prize for piano, didn't you? I was the most popular person in school for two weeks after that (laughs).

Because, like most people, I had an inferiority complex. I didn't want to be short, you know. Also, at school, don't boys like athletic boys with well-developed athletic nerves? I hated sports (laughs). But I always had a lot of girl friends. I don't think I was ever considered for love (laughs), but there were always girls around me. So all the guys believed that I was having a sexual relationship with these girls (laughs). But actually it wasn't like that most of the time. I met her when I was 16 and since then it's just been her.」

"You don't sleep much when you're on tour - maybe 4 or 5 hours? But when I go home after the tour, I sleep for 13 or 14 hours." 「I don't know what it's like to be over-excited on stage. On the other hand, I wonder if you play music to find that…….. I just enjoy music the most, that's all I can say. I really don't know (laughs). …… I mean, there must be so many reasons. But maybe it's just something I can't help thinking about. You know, sometimes you have to go on without a clear reason, don't you? Also, you know, I eat a lot. I didn't eat much in Japan this time, but normally I eat a lot. …… (thinking seriously)…… But I don't really have a plan for what I'm going to eat, I don't have a proper meal plan or anything like that. And, er, …… You don't sleep much when you're on tour. Like here, maybe four or five hours? But when I go home after the tour, I sleep for 13 or 14 hours. Well, I'm not superhuman at all (laughs). No, I really sleep a lot. And when I'm on tour, I eat a lot because I move so much. Ah, but what do you think? I don't really think about that. I'm rather indifferent. Dom is always telling me to get fatter and fatter (laughs). Anyway, I eat a lot of junk food (laughs). Hahahahaha. Yes, yes, I eat proper food too.

I don't think touring is mentally demanding. I've always felt uncomfortable wherever I am…… On the other hand, I don't feel uncomfortable being uncomfortable anymore. I'm not even stuck in the typical British middle class, if you ask me. You know, Dom and Chris's house is just normal middle class, so their parents didn't really understand them being in a band at all. …… Gypsy? Hahaha, if you mean you don't feel a sense of belonging anywhere, then yeah. I don't belong anywhere. But on the contrary…… (plops his hat on the sofa) I feel at home wherever I put this hat, anywhere on earth is my home (laughs).」

Translator’s Note: This took a lot of time for me to translate this through. I’ve scanned the August 2010 issue to get this interview out, but added in the quotes from the original October 2001 issue of Rockin’On. For those quotes, I had to manually write it all down with a handwriting tool on Google Translate in order to add it into this interview.

Based on what I can read, it’s quite obvious that this was an in-depth interview with a lot of questions and small talk involved to coax Matt to talk at such length about his own life. But the questions asked by the journalist were not included to know what the questions looked like, even in the re-recorded version for 2010. You can sort of get hints of what those questions might have been like, judging by the way Matt gave his answers.

Also, seeing that this was basically a deep dive into Matt’s life up until the present back in July 2001, it’s kind of unique to see what a 23-year old Matt was like based on these words. Hell, even his words on how he felt towards his parents’ divorce was like seeing him go through the 5 stages of grief right in front of your own eyes before he finally acknowledged that shutting out his emotions towards the divorce when he was a teenager was in itself a form of grief for him.

The Greek island that Matt mentioned here took some time for me to find, because the katakana used for the island’s name didn’t turn up anything. Deepl called it “Phexos” while Google Translate said it was “Pexos”. The actual name of the island turns out to be Paxos, which is just 15 km south of Corfu. And given that Matt and Tanya went to Corfu after that, it matches the description and location. But for Matt to claim that Paxos is so small that it’s not even on a map is quite the egregious claim. Small enough to be overlooked as a holiday destination for the average British tourist? Perhaps. But it’s still well known enough for the rich and famous to holiday there and of course, drive up the price of real estate there.

Okay, I don’t know why that particular sentence was written that way, given that Rocket Baby Dolls were basically Matt, Dom, and Chris. And later on in the paragraph, Matt confirmed that it was only the three of them. However, given that this was from Matt’s word himself, he probably corrected himself after saying that. That said, Musewiki has stated that a couple of girls had helped them with writing some songs, so that’s probably what Matt meant of that mysterious fourth member of RBD, so to speak.

You can see that whenever Matt gets really flustered, embarrassed, or uncomfortable about what he was talking about, he backtracks so hard and quickly changes the topic, and all you do is just pity him and go along with it. For what can be said, even early on, it is observed that Matt can love quite deeply and doesn’t like the empty void in his life that is being a single bachelor. Or rather, in another way, he doesn’t enjoy the sense of loneliness in his personal life.

LMAO even Dom thought that Matt was too skinny back then and needed to gain more weight! That speaks for itself. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

#Matt Bellamy #Muse #Muse band #Origin of Symmetry era #The Resistance era #smol meerkat #my scan #translation #interview #ROCKIN'ON #ROCKIN'ON October 2001 #ROCKIN'ON August 2010

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