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fromtheboundlesssea · 5 months ago

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HOTD Season 2 Episode 3 Live Watch Thoughts

Still love the opening.

Writing might be crap but the scenery is beautiful.

Idk why I thought the long haired Bracken person was a man. 100% thought it was a woman in the trailer.

Oooooo “babe killer” good. I’m glad that we’re actually hearing “lesser” houses talking about this. And of course the Brackens are going to not go for Rhaenyra considering one of them was killed during her betrothal tour. That of course will not be discussed in the show.

Bodies. Bodies everywhere.

“He is the basest of villains.” Are you going to call out your step dad Jace? At least they went for Rhaenyra and not one of your little brothers.

Otto’s great grandson was brutally murdered. Not everyone is like you Rhaenys. Not everyone is just going to shrug your shoulder and forgive the people who have claimed to kill your son.

Idk. Rhaenys feels like one of the biggest hypocrites.

ALICENT’S GRANDSON WAS MURDERED!

And you spat at Alicent’s generosity Rhaenys. Shut up.

Call her out Rhaenys about blaming Alicent for everything. If you were just a friend to Alicent after her marriage to your father things would have been fine in the show verse!

I feel like this is the episode we’re going to lose Criston’s beautiful hair. But I suppose we will grow used to it.

WHAT ARE THE BALLS AT THE SMALL COUNCIL FOR?!?!?

What is with Jasper’s underhanded comments? Actually add to the conversation or shut up.

Aemond flipping one of the gold coins used to pay Blood and Cheese to kill him between his fingers is fascinating.

*sigh* I still wouldn’t trust Mysaria considering. Just send her away. Especially since she probably helped with the plan for B&C. And I love that Mysaria is acting as though she wasn’t a madam for a brothel that catered to men who liked young girls.

And so is Laenor dead then? Is that what the “lonely” thing is meant to indicate.

Rhaena! My love! AND SHE SPEAKS

Why… why not send Aegon and Viserys with Joffrey? And sending Rhaena away too.

And if she doesn’t want to sacrifice it willingly? And you can tell the distance between the girls and Rhaenyra. They don’t attempt to call her familiarly. She isn’t a maternal figure to them. Rhaena is a motherly and caring figure for the younger children. Her voice does not matter. Seven hells.

Here has to be a smarter way of doing this Daemon, especially when you would be facing people far more familiar with the keep’s layout.

Are we going to meet Alys?

Oooooo~ Bats like for House Whent!

There’s something to be said about Daemon’s armor being clean and without blemish. I know he is a trained warrior, but still.

Why are you going in swords blazing? You could legit just ask? Or do you think they wouldn’t join you willingly?

I guess that’s Alys?

Even Lord Strong is like 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oh right. Larys is technically the lord.

Obviously Larys did burn Harrenhal in the show, but it’s not established in the book right? So I feel like the Larys hate (here for it) IS rooted in ableism.

And ooooo Daemon getting prissy by being called “Prince” instead of “your grace”

Man Harwin got all the good genes huh.

Why was Harrenhal not prepared? Why wasn’t Harrenhal made the epicenter of Westeros? The keep is big enough.

Does Daemon not know who the head of the Riverlands is? Why didn’t he ask for Lord Tully by name?

Lyonel and Larys are really the only politically minded of House Strong huh. Everyone else is 🤷🏻‍♀️

GWAYNE!

Ooooo he would make a decent Tully faceclaim!

Now that I see it in longer scenes, I like Criston’s hair. I just miss his curls.

I honestly think the writers forget they made Criston Dornish until it’s convenient for them.

HE IS ASKING FOR HER FAVOR! HER LORD COMMANDER!!!

Lol Gwayne clocked it.

And Cheese is still hanging. Good.

Ah. This is the episode Helaena and Alicent will be chased right?

“Fear is a weapon” you would know about that based on how you used Laenor’s death to make people fear you.

Why is Rhaenyra trusting Daemon? She said she didn’t trust him?

Would it be treason? It’s not like your father actively handled anything about war.

“The wisest of targaryen kings” there were two or three before him?

Why are Corlys and Rhaenys the most healthy relationships, but he still has two bastards most likely had during their marriage.

Luke admitted that he knew nothing of ships too.

WHAT OF BAELA?!?!?! YOU LITERALLY RAISED HER ON DRIFTMARK!

Rhaenyra’s armies truly are slow.

I wish we could have had more interactions between Baela and Rhaena so we could have established personalities. I feel like we got so much fanon from the books to make personalities for them.

Love that Rhaenyra smiles to Rhaena, who is clearly not pleased.

Also, why did Rhaenyra not talk about Luke at all with Rhaena? Why not say “you loved my son, look after his brothers” like Caesar did in War for the Planet of the Apes?

Alicent holding her granddaughter 🥰 who is young enough to be her daughter.

Helaena smiling at her baby 🥰

Are they really not going to fully let Helaena mourn her son?

Helaena and Aegon actually caring for the smallfolk.

And Alicent validating Helaena’s grief.

ALICENT REALLY NEEDED SOMEONE TO SAY THEY FORGIVE HER. SHE HAS NEEDED THAT SAID TO HER FOR DECADES!

Oh? It’s the conqueror’s armor too? It makes sense. It does look a little outdated.

DO NOT LISTEN TO LARYS!

Gosh darn it, I had hoped Aegon had squared up to Larys to call him out for victimizing Alicent.

I love that Aegon almost innocently questions why they are still having sex when they are meant to be chaste? Like… my dude?

And of course we’re going to go to the brothel *sigh*

Dyanna! Interesting. Either Alicent didn’t give her enough money or…?

Oh. Is that the Truefyre guy? I thought he pretended or claimed to be Viserys’ bastard?

Or is that just another dragonseed?

Oooooooo. Aegon arrived.

Are Aegon and Dyanna going to run into each other?

*sigh* does this scene actually add anything.

OH MY SEVEN HELLS!!! Aemond and Aegon ran into each other! If I were the other guys I would turn and leave.

And still this does not really add anything. We could have gotten this conflict without Aemond being nude.

Good lord. Truly this could be handled differently.

Someone pointed out Aegon destroying the stone Velaryon and Rhaenyra playing with the wooden one. Both can crumble and burn.

It’s almost as if you talked with Alicent once during all these years, things would have been different.

*sigh* *he’s a hightower, can’t have Gwayne have any good qualities I guess.*

I feel like the last two episodes have been slow going.

Love how everyone but Cole is shaking. Dude is calm and collected.

I hate how they will not let women make war decisions. The men have to do it for them. Let them act! It’s definitely making it seem like Rhaenyra is a bystander in her own war. At least Alicent is not the acting ruler and has some excuse.

How many swords do you have on you Daemon?

Also, post Stepstones short-hair Daemon was 100% the best looking one.

Oh? Is Alys going to try to put Daemon under her thrall?

HOLY CRAP!!!! MILLY!!!!!!!! YOUNG RHAENYRA SEWING BABY JAEHAERYSM HEAD BACK ON!!!!! HOLY CRAP!

Ugh. Making Daemon look like he regrets it 🙄 let people besides the greens look awful.

And him appearing in front of the weirwood tree.

Alys’ voice was jarring. It was mainly her accent. It felt so American.

War can no longer be averted? Was the raven sent before or after your husband had her grandson murdered? This is so stupid. It is actually ridiculously stupid.

It would have been nice to have Rhaenyra actually say “the sept” because it would make it seem like she noticed and remembers rather than having to be told.

Emma’s face is perfect for period stuff. They need to do more period dramas! Period dramas with a good script.

Let me guess, someone is going to call for Rhaenyra and it will cause a riot and Alicent and Helaena will be caught in the crosshairs?

I love Alicent, but I am begging them to stop ending the episodes with Alicent (if that is what happens this one too)

YOU HAVE A DAGGER AND ARE AIMING IT AT HER! HOW DID YOU THINK SHE WOUOD REACT?!?!?

“I have begun badly.” YOU THINK?!

Your current husband brutally beat her brother Rhaenyra.

Then why did Rhaenys proceed to kill a bunch of people afterwards.

Why should Alicent trust you Rhaenyra?

His is such a stupid scene.

HE RAPED HER! SHE DID NOT WANT TO MARRY!

Because her memory of her own mother means more to Alicent than it does to you Rhaenyra.

This is such a stupid scene.

Ugh. Are they going to have Alicent realize she misunderstood Viserys. Ugh. I hate this.

His scene is so stupid. I hate this so much.

Her grandson is already dead. She is not the queen anymore.

*sigh* loved seeing them acting a scene together but it was completely pointless.

Also, on his deathbed. He very well could have mentioned the Song of Ice and Fire and Alicent simply didn’t hear it.

The last scene was so stupid.

I swear, the only thing that is saving this show is the actors and actresses. They are amazing and deserve better scripts.

Promo Thoughts

Is the betrayal going to be Alicent and Aemond? *ugh* LET THE GREENS BE A FREAKING FAMILY!

#house of the dragon #boundless watches hotd

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tmnt-fun · 2 years ago

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The boys get a younger sibling

I thought that this was funny. Doesn't make much sense, but it's just a joke fic lol

Word count: 2263

The four turtles were bored. Yeah, they could go ahead and skate around but they’ve been doing that a lot. There was nothing on TV either! Plus none of them wanted to train. It was way too hot.

Raph laid on the ground, his head resting against his arms while his tail slowly swayed where it was resting on the ground. Leo was laying on top of him, reading a comic, and Mikey was laying beside him reading over Leo’s shoulder. Raph didn’t know why they were laying on top of him, to be honest, but they liked it and they’d done it for such a long time.

He never minded it. It was kinda nice, the extra weight on him.

Where was Donnie?

He was in his lab, working on stuff. Exactly what? None of his brothers knew. They didn’t go to ask and Donnie didn’t want to say, or at least didn’t come out to say it.

Raph looks at the tv, flipping through the channels until he sighs resting his head down against his arms, hiding his face, “Ugh it’s so boring…” plus too hot! He didn’t like it when it was hot, it made him want to go get into the water and just sleep there.

Leo looks over and laughs, reaching over to pat the top of Raph’s head, “Whoa there big daddy, calm down. I’m sure there’s something on tv, right?” He asks.

Raph shakes his head, not lifting it though. Mikey puffs his cheeks out, holding his arms out by his sides, “I gotta agree with him, I’m bored. I already read that comic” and he didn’t want to paint or draw anything right now. Everything just seemed like a boring day today.

“Wait wait wait, you read this already? Dude, Mikes, how could you?” Leo asks, putting his hand to his chest, “I thought we were reading it together” he pouts, trying to look hurt.

“You can’t say anything Nar, you watched a show without me” Mikey laughs, nudging Leo’s side with his leg from where he was resting. Leo pushes his leg away.

Raph looks over his shoulder, wiggling, “You two, don’t fight while you’re on my back” he thumps his tail against the ground while Leo and Mikey laugh about the wiggling cause it was just like something moving under you.

Before way too long after that, they went back to whatever they were doing before. It was such a hot day that they didn’t even want to go out to try to fight anyone, not that anything was most likely happening.

Raph decided to just put on some cooking show which Mikey seemed to pay more attention to. He laid on top of Raph, his head on top of the other turtles. “It’s a rerun” he mumbles. Raph sticks his, much too long, tongue out making a fart sound with it which both Leo and Mikey copy.

It’s something that Raph knew, and something he found a little funny, but both of his younger brothers liked to copy stuff that Raph did. It was one of the reasons why he tried to not curse or do anything that they shouldn’t do.

Donnie also sometimes did, but not as often as the other two.

Speaking of Donnie! He pokes his head out from his lab and calls out to his brothers, “Oh my dear lovely brothers! Can you come here, please?” They all knew that if he had eyelashes, he would be fluttering them.

Leo tenses up and pulls as much into his shell as he could. He couldn’t go all the way in like Mikey could, covering his face with his arms, “I don’t trust this,” He says, while Mikey looks over. Raph looks down at them and rolls his eyes. He stands up, grabs the two, and walks over to where Donnie was.

“He’s our brother you two, what’s the worst he’d do?” Leo lets out a sound at that while Mikey gives him a LOOK. Did he forget about the fact that Donnie shot him with a dart that made him pass out? No, no he has not, but he didn’t die so shut up.

Donnie smiles and pulls his head back into the lab. That made Raph a little nervous but… too late now. He walks in, puts his brothers down, and crosses his arms over his chest, “Exactly what did you want, Donnie?”

Mikey looks over at Raph and copies him, crossing his arms over his chest and turning his head to the side. He was a little interested, if nervous. Leo comes out of his shell, turning his head to the other side, and putting his hands on his hips.

"I have made a machine that I would like for us to all test. It would tell us, of course, who is the oldest and who is the youngest. As we all understand that Splinter's idea of telling us the ages was just him basing it off our heights at the time"

"No, Raph's the oldest and I'm the youngest," Mikey says, pointing to himself, "Right?"

"That's what I was thinking," Leo says, while scratching the back of his head, a tad confused...

Raph opens his mouth, then shuts it, thinking about what he should say. He sighs and rubs his neck, "Well, to be honest, Raph ain't sure. It might be right but could be wrong. Tello, you sure you wanna try it out? Learning about the differences might change a lot" He didn't really like change all that much.

Leo then gasps and pushes Raph to the side, who stumbles a little but only because he was surprised and huffs in soft annoyance at the blue brother, "Is there a chance that I might be the oldest?"

"Would it tell us our ages or birthdays too?"

"Just the ages" Donnie answered Mikey, ignoring Leo who puffs his cheeks out a little offended.

Raph laughs softly and reaches over to pat Leo's back, then asks, "So... exactly how does your machine work"

Donnie makes a small oh sound then waves his hand, "Oh nothing too bad, just a little prick to get some blood. You know how it is" Mikey pouts, squinting a little while the other two make soft sounds to agree until Donnie pulls out the needle. It was much too big for their liking.

Raph squints at Donnie and reaches over, taking the needle, "No" he holds up his hand, "You are going to use one that's normal size. You know that Mikey is freaked out by needles"

"You guys never let me shine" Donnie groans, tilting his head back then walks off to get whatever he was going to use to get the blood. Mikey starts to rub his hands together, looking around then looks back at Leo and Raph.

Leo puts his arm around Mikey's shoulders, "Hey, it's okay little brother, don't worry about it. It won't even hurt" Raph nods to show his agreement, smiling.

During the blood taking, they were talking about whatever they wanted to talk about. Raph had to hold Mikey down so he wouldn't accidentally punch Donnie when he got the poke and he needed to hug one of his plushies to keep himself calm. Leo didn't really mind too much.

Then Donnie put the drops of blood into the machine to figure out everything. "How long is it going to take?" Leo asks, leaning against one of the counters which had papers and cups on it. Most likely from stuff that Donnie brought in and didn't finish like the big dork nerd he is.

"Get off of the counter... and between one or five hours," Donnie says, tapping a few buttons, and Leo groans tilting his head back, "But that's soooooo loooonnngggg" he sinks down to the ground.

Raph sighs and reaches over, picks up Leo off the ground, and holds him up in his arms which Leo was just laying limp in, "Should we wait in here with you until it's done, or go about what we were doing before?" Mikey latches onto Raph cause of course he did. He liked being close to people, what could he say?

After that, the four turtles went to go do stuff. Them all going to the living room to watch some tv show. Maybe they'd rewatch some of their favorite movies! How fun.

They started to watch the movies together, Raph on the ground as per normal with Mikey laying on top of him and Leo leaning against him.

Being together like this was always really nice.

As the time flew by with them keeping each other distracted, as well as fans keeping them cool, the machine finally beeped.

The four turtles all perked at the sound and Donnie sits up, "it seems the machine is finished with the test. One moment" and he gets up, going to get the stuff.

"So are we going to let this change us at all?" Raph asks, a small frown on his face. What if the twins find out they're different ages? They're not really twins so...

Leo and Mikey both look at him, then at each other and they nod. "Of course big guy," Leo says and Mikey continues "We're a family. Duh"

"Good good" Raph mumbles..

Donnie walks back into the room, holding the paper which he reads, humming under his breath, "well it seems as though Leo and I are the same age" Leo cheers, throwing up his hands and Donnie keeps talking, "Mikey you're a year younger than us and... Oh" he mumbles then lifts his head, "and Raphael... You're the youngest"

It went silent in the room until both Mikey and Leo say, "What!?" Mikey starts to laugh while Leo giggles with soft snorts, "Raph's the youngest out of us? How could that be?" He looks over, patting Raph's arm, "Aww my little tiny baby brother"

So much for this not changing them... Raph pushes Leo's hand away and looks at Donnie, "How can I be the youngest? I've always been the oldest brother, are we even sure that your machine is working correctly?"

"I'm quite sure that it's working," he paused for a second, then gets his own little smile, "Baby brother"

That makes the other two brothers burst out laughing harder, Mikey falling to the ground holding his stomach. Raph huffs, his cheeks burning and he stands up, "I'm going to my room" he turns, walking out and Leo calls out to him, "Rappphhhh nooooo!" It would mean something; if he still wasn't laughing.

Now that it was nighttime and Raph was laying in his bed, he was trying to think. How in the world was he the youngest? He's always been the oldest. He had to grow faster than his brothers, he needed to be the one to take care of them... sure he was the one that learned how to talk the last but that isn't because he's the youngest, right?

If he was the youngest; did that mean they wouldn't listen to him anymore? Well, they weren't really the best at listening to him anyway. The fact that he's the youngest... it hurt him a little. That meant that he was supposed to be taken care of yet he was called the oldest and told to take care of his brothers.

He shouldn't have even had to do that! He was a child but- he shakes his head to get his mind off that. No, he couldn't think like that. Yeah, it was a little upsetting but he didn't regret taking care of his brothers, not at all. They were the best things to happen to him.

Over the next few weeks, Mikey and Leo were bullying him. Just calling him little brother whenever they got a chance and teasing him about it. Raph reaches up to grab the box of cereal but perks up when Leo walks over, “Let me get that for you, little brother” he reaches up to grab the box but Raph picks it up and holds it up above Leo’s head, which he couldn’t reach and looks down at him.

“Leo. I am taller than you. I had to help you get your sword because you tossed it up and it got stuck. Don’t act like I need your help grabbing things”

He didn’t mean to, you know, sound mean or annoyed but he was a little bit annoyed if he had to be honest. Leo stares at him then gets a little grin and he grabs the box then opens a portal and jumps through it, coming out on top of the fridge, “Can’t reach up here!”

“Leo, you’re acting like a child” Raph laughs, shaking his head. “I just want breakfast”

Leo copies what Raph said in a sing-song voice, shaking the box at him Raph stares at him, blinking slowly then points up at him, “You’re going to be grounded”

“Can’t ground what you can’t reach” Leo laughs, putting his hands on his hips. Raph sighs rubbing his hand over his face, shaking his head then just walking towards the exit. Whatever, he’ll get something later. “Hey hey hey! Don’t ignore me. Rapppphhhh! Come on”

Raph sort of hated the fact that he was now the youngest in the family, he had a feeling that it was going to be a little annoying but… his brothers were his brothers, and even if he was younger than them, he was still going to protect them as if he was their older brother.

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xiaq · 3 years ago

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Hi, I have a question re:sex and Christianity. Small background: I still go to church, and I still live with my parents even though I'm not much younger than you, because housing is very very expensive where I live (pretty common here, I would say about 2/3 of my friends live with their parents and we are decently privileged kids)

Anyway. How does one get over purity culture? To be clear, I've never been told in church not to have sex, I've never gotten the gendered lessons that you got. But I am terrified of having sex. My first real, multi-year relationship just ended and while there was hand stuff etc, there was never any p in v sex (lol I feel 12). But I still had insane anxiety about being pregnant despite being on bc. And I think its because I know my parents would be so disappointed if I had sex. And if I was pregnant I could imagine all the gossip. And honestly I think im from a pretty open church, b/c one of our previous ministers kids recently got married at 8 months pregnant and lots of church people were at the wedding and supportive and her parents were there and everything.

I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???

(Asking because it seems like you've been pretty open about purity culture/removing yourself from it)

CW for sex talk (again)

How does one get over purity culture?

Oh man. That really is the million-dollar question, huh? Obviously, I can only answer re my personal experiences, and this is something you should talk to a therapist about, but I can tell you how I’ve tackled it with my therapist at least.

Purity culture is, at its core, an ideology that is perpetuated by shame. If you’re indoctrinated into purity culture when you’re a kid, the concepts become baked into the way you construct your identity, your perception of self, and your perception of your sexuality. It’s practically intrinsic, by the time you’re an adult, to feel shame any time you’re reminded you have a body, much less a sexuality.

According to the chapels I sat through every week as a kid, a girl's body could be 3 things: an intentional stumbling block for men, an accidental stumbling block for men, or unnoticeable. Women were to strive for the third option so as to keep their (and their male friends/authority figures) purity intact. After all, if a boy, or even your male teacher, had impure thoughts about you, it was your fault for tempting them (which, holy shit. I still can’t believe that was a thing I bought into for so long. If my 45 yr old grown-ass teacher had impure thoughts because he could see my 12 yr old collarbone, that sure as hell wasn’t my fault. But I digress.) The Only time a woman’s body can be something else, is when she gives it to her husband, at which point she must suddenly flip the switch in her brain that she is now allowed to be a Sexual Being and she must perform Sexual Duties despite living in outright fear of her own body and sexuality for years (decades?) up until this point. Jesus take the wheel.

Purity culture isn’t a thing you can just decide to walk away from if you’ve grown up in it. Because its ideology is insidious and internalized. So first you need to submit to the fact that you’re going to be fucked up about sex. It sounds like you’re there. Second, you need to interrogate what you believe. If you’re leaving religion behind entirely, you’ll approach removing yourself from purity culture differently than if you still identify as a Christian. It sounds like you might be the latter, which meant, for me, separating what’s actually biblical and what’s shitty, contrived, doctrine that I was told is biblical but is actually more political than spiritual. This helps you address the shame issue.

You need to throw away I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Lady in Waiting and all those ridiculous books you read and reread in the hopes of somehow obtaining impossible marriage perfection and look into actual scripture interpreted within its historical context. I could write a book on this, but the TL;DR is that the text of the Bible was written, translated, curated, and changed multiple times over thousands of years by human beings with human biases and, often, personal and/or political agendas. It contradicts itself! Reading it as it is—a flawed historical document—rather than some sort of God-breathed perfect document—is incredibly freeing. When you do, you’ll probably realize that purity culture is bullshit on a spiritual level. Which is a good start, if that matters to you. Because any time you start to feel shame or guilt you can ask yourself: does God actually care if I wear a bikini or touch a dick I’m not married to? Probably not. Wear the bikini. Touch the dick.

The most important therapy session for me was when my therapist asked what I would do if I got to heaven and God was actually the God I’d been raised to fear. What would I do if he condemned me for being bisexual and having premarital sex and becoming educated, for arguing with men, and failing to isolate while menstruating, and wearing mixed fabrics? If Montero had come out at the point, I probably would have said I’d pole dance down to hell. Instead, I said I would spit on heaven’s gates. If a god that cruel and that pointlessly demeaning really exists—a god who would create in me condemned desire—I won't worship him. The good news is, I’m 99% sure he doesn’t exist. At the very least, he isn’t supported by scripture.

Okay. The final thing you need to do is figure out what you actually want, sexually speaking. This bit is probably the hardest. I’m still in the early stages of this myself. You say: “I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???” Bro, I wish I had an easy answer for you. For me, whenever I’m feeling anxious about Sex Things, I tell myself: 1. My God does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 2. My partner does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 3. I do not equate my worth to my sexual habits. It seems silly, but reminding myself of those three things is massively helpful. If, after I’ve sorted through those, I’m still anxious or uncomfortable, I stop doing the thing. I evaluate. Am I overwhelmed and I need to try again some other time? Do I just not like the thing? Sometimes it’s hard to tell. Sometimes you change your mind. Sometimes you just don’t know. That’s why having a partner who you trust and who’s willing to patiently explore your interests (and respect your disinterests) is so important. Half the battle, for me, was having a partner who told me they’d be ok with no sex at all. Because that took the pressure off me. If the bare minimum they need is nothing, then anything more than that is a bonus! Hooray! This is maybe TMI, but let me tell you. I thought I was asexual* right up until I was able to have moderately non-anxious sex. Never in my life did I think I would initiate a sexual situation but… I do now. It’s a fun thing to do with a person I love and, holy shit. I am furious that I nearly missed out on it.

Finally, re birth control: I don’t know how you can approach that fear in a way that works for you. If you don’t want to ever have penetrative sex, that’s fine! If that’s a point of anxiety you can’t get rid of, then don't push yourself to do it. If you find out you like other sex things, do the other sex things! If you don't like doing any sex things, don't do any sex things! Also, have you considered sleeping with people who can’t get you pregnant? Always an option if it’s an option you want to consider. ;)

Okay. I hope this was even a little bit helpful. Sorry if it’s a little convoluted, I typed it up in bursts during my work breaks.

*This is not at all to say that asexuality can be “fixed." Rather, it’s to say that things like purity culture can drastically confuse your sexuality in general. If you’re asexual, then this process is still important to discover what you like/dislike. Then you can be explicit about those necesities and find a partner who’s a good fit (if you want a partner at all, that is).

#purity culture #sex talk #christianity #sex and relationships #sex and religion #mylife #answered asks #aspec #cw sex

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ayamturd · 4 years ago

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yourself│awesamdude

summary: love is precious, love is pure; how insecure thoughts and concerns trouble a scared lover, and how to convince one they are deserving of said love

warnings: descriptive insecure + self-deprecating thoughts, slight angst to fluff

pairing: in-game c!awesamdude

a/n: couldn’t stop thinking of this concept, i wouldn’t physically sleep till i wrote it all out lol

pls know you are loved, that you matter and are important. even if it doesn’t feel like, i’ll say now that i do, i love you. i don’t need to know you to know you deserve love, you deserve to know you are amazing for being yourself and for simply trying your best by existing for what it is <3

wc: (2.1k) - m.list

“Why do you love me?”

It was late. Very late.

The sky was pitch black and the forest held nothing but a ringing silence to screen, the brief sounds of woodland creatures along with lurking monsters occasionally breaking through. While the night was alive by the stir of the wind, the world above was obscured beneath the depths of the newly discovered mineshaft.

You were tired, your body aching and sore from the continuous grind along side your lover for the past few hours now. Unbeknownst to you, the early morn had been replaced with the midnight sky, the twists of the cave’s darkness becoming so lost to your sensitive eyes.

While you were resting on a large boulder, Sam’s stamina was relentless as he worked to mine into the next cave tunnel. He was beautiful, to say the least.

The ever so flicker of nearby torches illuminated only the best of his features, his usual mask hanging low around his neck due to the cramped and tight spaces underground. His brows were furrowed, the gentle concentration that pulled onto his face strangely handsome to observe.

His hair, the dark yet notable green shade, was seemingly drenched with sweat. In spite of how dreadful the thought could come across, it only did him wonders when weighing his locks down to frame his face. It curled around his eyes, the sage emerald-color contrasting his light skin tone while emphasizing the dark glisten of his squinted eyes.

Through his intent and determined grunts with every swing of his blade against the course stone, his stance was firm and strong, each strike crumbling beneath him from pure strength and integrity.

Moments like these were random, but reoccurring. Moments where you could stop to stare at him for hours on end, appreciate him for what he was and all that he did, yet question on why he was still here.

Why someone so talented and earnest in his work could even consider you as someone special, someone worth his attention and love to be with.

You spoke before you could stop to process your words and what possible answer he could imagine. Your curiosity got the better of you, and your insecurity blinded your perception. It didn’t seem like he heard you initially, and as you began to take it as a sign to forget the question entirely, his diligent swings stopped and his heavy panting filled the air.

He carelessly rested the large tool on top of his shoulders, twisting only his head in your direction while wiping the salty sting of raining sweat from his eyes.

“Huh?”

“Why do you love me?” you asked again.

Pushing yourself up, you glanced down while fiddling with your pickaxe, the old wrap around its handle fraying ever so lightly despite its lack of consistent use. You’d need to replace it soon.

“I just- it’s hard sometimes, you know? To think why you’ve stayed with me for so long or why you even want to stay with me altogether.”

You suddenly lost all courage, and couldn’t dare look him straight in the eye from your admittance. There was an unfounded trust your relationship, no doubt, but trust can only go far when comparing yourself to others. This was a question of worth, of importance when believing one has nothing special to give to someone who deserves the world.

“Love…”

Shaking your head, you turned away from him to face the arching gem wall, driving your pickaxe into the thick, shimmering stone with a slam before wrapping your arms around yourself. You bit the inner side of your check, loose and anxious thoughts raging wild to come through in the vulnerable space.

Your hands shook in unpredictable expectations, fingers twitching against your pounding chest.

“I know you’re going to dismiss it as some kind of nonsense, ‘insecurity’ thing and honestly, you wouldn’t be wrong. But I can’t help it when you’re you and I’m me.”

The pause that followed was unbearable. Steady breathes pervaded the tense air, and after what felt to be an entirety in harsh, prolonged silence, you heard the shuffles of his feet when cautiously approaching you from behind.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” His tone was serious, yet his voice soft. Like he was cornering a scared and injured animal, he seemed mindful of his volume for your own concern. Another quality to consider: he was too kind than for what you rightfully earned.

There was so much to say, yet so little at the same time. You were at a loss for words on how to explain something so broad and conceptually troubling to see through. How does one explain how little they matter? How meaningless they are in the grand scheme of things to someone that only tries to see the best of them.

Someone that would refuse a truth for the sake of your troubled mentality.

“Well- you know…”

He stood directly behind you now, his radiating warmth encompassing your entire being, leaving you to shudder from the sharp contrast in the freezing underground. Hands hovering your rigid shoulders, he contemplated touching you but decided against it. He dropped his arms to his side with a sigh.

“No, I don’t. What possible reasoning could you have for me not to love you?”

His pleading whisper was left unanswered, your body frozen to the guilt that consumed you from worrying him over your own problematic assumptions. As if he could read you, he began a different approach to break through to you.

“Why do you love me?”

His unexpected question immediately caused you to go in defense. Spinning around, you glared up at him with resistant eyes, the response to trade your unsure gaze with ones that screamed in flipped concern for his own good.

“Don’t do that.”

Sam’s own eyes remained just as hard, the unnatural line from his neutral expression pulling further to create an evident frown. He was just as serious as you.

“I’m serious here. What reasoning do you have to love me? A screw up, that does nothing but hurt others no matter how much I try in opposition to protect.”

Admittedly shaking your head, you unconsciously reached to grab the front of his chest plate, the enchanted armor glowing beneath your bare hands as you forcefully pushed him in disagreement.

You knew what he was referencing to, and how hard the events became for him. No matter if Tommy would never forgive him, he had yet to forgive himself in any reasonable sense.

“You know that’s not true. Mistakes are mistakes that can’t always be avoided or your fault.”

Tilting his head, Sam’s nose scrunched aggressively to your argument with a scowl.

“Can’t it?”

While your face dropped from his jarring snap, he only sighed before bowing his head away, rubbing the back of his head with a tired exhale and dropped shoulders. It was his turn to struggle with his own words as you stared intensely for his explanation.

His voice were soft again, and wavered slightly in the near beginning.

“I’m not perfect, far from it actually. No matter how many times you try and reassure me of the fact, I’ll never truly believe anything there is good to say about me. I only see the worst of myself,” he murmured. Although a majority of his speech could have easily been missed from his airy quiet, your ears were strained and focused solely on him.

As you tried to step closer to comfort him in some way or another, he finished his final thought then, causing you to freeze once more.

“And when that negatively becomes too much, I look to you as my light.”

Sam sheepishly faced you, his bashful grin completely deviating from the conversation at hand. An unexpected heat rushed to your face, causing you fall apart by the mere power behind his words.

He gave an airy chuckle, closing his eyes with a gentle smile and opening to reveal such fragility in all he had to tell, eyes watering from the sight of you.

“You give me more hope than I think I could ever deserve. From your shining smile to the smallest forms of affection, you give me a love irreplaceable by others and unconceivable to consider.”

Biting your lip, your eyes also began to tear from the overly tender conceptions. He knew better than to let your thoughts run wild and interrupt him, so he continued before you could open your mouth in protest.

“I love you, for everything you’ve sacrificed and lost. You are my strength that pulls me through, inspires me to continue even on the hardest of days. You teach me to forgive myself and work through my hardships for a greater objective at play.”

Steadily nearing your emotional state, Sam carefully pulled your hands into his own and caressed your knuckles with his callous thumbs. He squeezed them tightly once, before reaching a singular hand against your cheek, catching the fallen tears that escaped your adoring eyes.

“Even if you unintentionally did, you became that objective to pull me through it all.”

A sob escaped you, and Sam was quick to pull you into his chest. He kissed the top of your head earnestly while resuming to whisper his declaration against your hair.

“I love you and all that you do. Everything that I said now, everything that I know how to express, it does nothing to how much you truly impact by merely existing as yourself.”

“Sam-” you had tried to interject, stop him from tearing you to complete bits as an over sentimental puddle, but he chose to speak over you instead.

“I don’t love you simply because you’ve given so much to me, that you’ve went through notions with my sake as priority. I don’t care for any of that in all honesty. I love you, because you do all that you do as yourself.”

Shudder breathes caused you to shake beneath his firm hold, his only response to pull you inhumanely closer if possible.

“It doesn’t matter why or what pushes you to do what you do, it’s the fact that you exist as yourself, that that beautiful heart of yours goes beyond any and all expectations anyone can conceive of you and never fails to the most of any situation to come.”

“You amaze me, y/n,” he hummed. Pulling you back, he raised a single finger below your chin to lift your face to his. He leaned a near breathes away, with an indescribable admiration that caused more tears to spill.

“Why do I love you?” he re-asked.

His own tears coursed down his dirt stained skin, and you habitually moved to cup both of his cheeks.

“Because you’re able to love me, and not even know the adverse effects you cause to those around you.”

Bringing your forehead to his, he kissed your scrunched nose as he released a small whimper, for he had nothing left to express through words.

“If ever you question yourself again, ask yourself how are you able to love someone like me, and know that that same confounding thought shakes my very core and beats my love-stricken heart for you.”

Bonus:

Pathetic giggles bounced around the gem filled enclosure, the high of work finally wearing you both down into a helpless mess of two exhausted, yet stubborn lovers.

You leaned heavily into Sam’s hold, his own stance faltering from the unexpected weight you gave in as he groaned from the fast movement.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m about ready for some rest, wouldn’t you say?”

Giving out incomprehensible whines smothered into the crook of his arm, you raised a lazy hand to give a subtle thumbs up. Sam laughed loudly, and took your silent gesture as an answer.

“You ready to climb back to the surface then?”

Mellow wails spoke for themselves, and he shook his head in joking disbelief to how drained you easily became.

With you still in his arms, he maneuvered around you to grab both of your pickaxes and gathered resources, them too heavy to physically carry for his next course of action. He pulled out his Enderchest and swiftly packed everything away.

Once everything else was settled, he worked on the actual situation in hand; literally, it being you basically asleep on your feet against his balanced arms.

“Here,” he spoke. Lifting from your waist, he placed you on top of an overgrown gem stone and steadied your footing before quickly turning. He gripped your thighs, and even in your tired state, you instinctively jumped onto his back.

He sighed when adjusting you, before making the trek back up the stair incline.

“To think I choose to love you.”

You yawned loudly, and to his surprise, comprehended his words enough to respond.

“Mmmm, that sounds like a ‘you’ problem.” Head propped between his neck, he glanced down at you with a smirk.

“Maybe, but a problem I welcome nonetheless.”

#dream smp x you #dream smp x reader #awesamdude x reader #awesamdude x you #awesamdude x gn!reader #awesamdude imagine #awesamdude x reader fluff #mcyt x reader fluff #mcyt x reader #mcyt x you #dsmp x reader

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crisis34 · 3 years ago

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So I’ve had this irondad idea that I would KILL for someone to write. I’ve wanted to write it too but I don’t think I’ll get to it.

I started kinda sorta actually writing this in a few scenes 😂 don’t mind my weird idea writing style. Feel free to change what you want or add your own twist on things!! And please tell me if you do write this idea. I’ve had it stuck in my mind and I wanted to make it at least 10k-30k words.

I sadly, don’t have time for that though haha! Soooo hopefully someone wants to write this so I can read it lol

———

The idea is that after Tony passes away the rest of the Avengers talk to Peter for about two years, since Peter spends time at the compound and all that.

But at a random point Peter notices he’s getting ignored by the Avengers for months, they won’t say anything on why they’re all stressed and won’t talk to Peter AT ALL.

One day one of them (most likely Sam/Rhodey) let’s it slip that they have an imposing threat on earth they’re trying to find and it’s so classified that Peter can’t get his hands on the information.

So Peters bummed they don’t trust him, probably gets a line said to him like “Look kid, we really don’t need your help on this. Trust me.” And it destroys Peters self esteem because he’s already 18 and they still see him as the kid.

He goes home one day after school/compound/work or something and when he walks in his spidey senses act up.

Looking into his apartment (moved away from aunt May assumingly) he sees nothing at first so he’s suspicious but not taking any drastic measures.

And then he walks into the living room, where he has a view of the kitchen. And who happens to be standing there eating the fucking blueberries?

Tony motherfucking Stark.

Peter flips out, because he saw Tony die. He’s rambling about how he thought he was dead and all that but then he sees something that tells him -it’s not his Tony-.

The Tony Stark eyes he always remembered were whiskey brown. This guy had glowing blue eyes.

And now Peter’s heart drops. He’s trying to get information out of the imposter and that’s when the guy finally speaks.

He tells Peter about how he’s been on this earth for a few months, the Avengers spotted him through satellite, and how he’s from an alternate reality.

Peter refers to the guy as Anthony since he isn’t his Tony Stark. But he also realizes this is what the Avengers were keeping from him.

Anthony explains how he was drawn here as first (which we later get a point of view from Anthony when he first got on this earth and he wasn’t drawn there, he was told to go there. By Tony Stark whispering in his head).

Anthony also tells Peter that there’s a bigger threat than him on their way, and the Avengers are so caught up looking for him they’re ignoring the other threat.

Peters skeptical, he really is. (If you do end up writing this please don’t make this another Quentin Beck. I don’t want Peter being too gullible or getting used by Anthony because that kinda ruins the plot/already been done in far from home)

Peter has close to no trust for Anthony, especially since he has no information at all from the Avengers. But he still partially believes the guy that there’s another threat.

And he knows he’d have a lot of guilt if he turned him in and there was a threat he could’ve stopped.

So him and Anthony team up.

They look for the bad guy, maybe go through goons/hydra agents for information. But now Peters stumped.

Because Anthony isn’t afraid to use a gun or kill. Anthony’s moral meter isn’t like Tony’s was, especially in front of the kid.

Peter scolds him, tells him that he won’t be killing around him or else he’s shutting the whole operation down.

After that Anthony only kills a few more times, and Peter tries to yell at him for those but he sees rage behind Anthony’s eyes.

Especially since the guys Anthony had killed almost hurt/killed Peter. Peter kept quiet for those deaths and they end up back at his apartment to sleep maybe.

Peters silent after he realizes that it seems Anthony cares about him. This is the night before they confront the big bad guy.

For reference they’ve been together looking for information for weeks!! Keep that in mind cause then you can add your own cute scenes in those weeks of maybe Anthony being protective or helping Peter with homework.

In the middle of the night Peters spidey senses go off, he wakes up and immediately looks for Anthony. He walks into the living area to see the guy peacefully sleeping on the couch.

His eyebrows scrunch together and he decides to go back to bed but can’t fall back asleep.

And then the Avengers break down the door of Peters apartment.

Peter freaks out l, hearing it and Sams familiar footsteps along with whoever else you want to be there. Rhodey would make the most sense with the rest of the Avengers waiting at the compound.

Peter runs back to the living room to where they’re already handcuffing Anthony and Anthony isn’t saying a word, but Peter is trying to convince them to stop and there’s a bigger threat out there they need to be after.

Rhodey or Sam would tell him sternly to get to the compound.

Apparently they had found out the two of them were working together while trying to find out where Anthony was after figuring out he was on this earth.

When he’s at the compound he finds out Anthony has been out in an interrogating place at the compound and each of the Avengers try to crack him but he won’t say a word.

Now(preferably Sam but you can have Peters main Friendship be with someone else, lol but this part of the friendship will be a bit rocky) Sam confronts Peter.

Goes something like this:

“Peter you knew better, why didn’t you contact an Avenger? Huh?”

“Because I knew you guys would do this shit Sam!! There’s a threat! I’ve seen it, we need to stop the threat.”

“Peter, there have been no signs of a threat against earth. At least nothing like he seems to be telling you. Because he won’t tell us anything. I need information on him! Because that damn well isn’t Tony Stark.”

“I know that, of course I fucking know that. You just.. you don’t know him Sam. I swear he’s a decent guy. Anthony is telling the truth.”

“No. He’s manipulating you, he knew you were an easy target and that’s why he went to you!”

Peter pauses for a second, tears catching up with his emotions as he begins to cry. “That’s what you think? That’s what you all think.. of course.”

Sam seems to realize he messed up, but he keeps his mouth shut and let’s Peter talk.

“You guys don’t trust me. I don’t even know why I hang around here, I’m obviously not welcome.” Peter laughs, pained.

“What? Of course we trust you.”

“That’s a god damn lie!! Because if you did this wouldn’t have happened.” Peter yelled.

Sam stays quiet again, remembering how he told Peter that he couldn’t tell him about the threat they were all worried about. Each of them didn’t trust that Peters reaction wouldn’t cause a hurricane of events, it seems it did anyway.

“Do you know.. how scared I was?” Peter whispered this time, wiping his tears away.

“What?”

“Do you know how fucking scared I was when Tony Stark ended up in my apartment! He died two years ago right in front of me and then there he was!! Eating blueberries in my kitchen with glowing blue eyes as if it never happened.” Peter said, watching as Sams face dropped.

Peter shakes his head and continues. “I’m going home, maybe think before you decide I’m to be untrusted next time.”

Sam doesn’t stop Peter because he’s already pissed the kid off.

Either way it was 2am and he assumed Peter wanted some sleep. The whole night Anthony doesn’t say a word.

The next morning the Avengers decide they need Peter to clarify what happened.

When one of them goes to Peter’s apartment, they can’t find him. At first they assumed he went somewhere but the tracker on his suit the compound has access to has been clipped. (If you can figure out a better way that they figure out Peter went after the threat on his own go for it).

After Sam figures out Peters gone he hurries into the cell that Anthony is in, guilt putting in his stomach because what if Peter was right and he was against a threat much larger than himself.

“Where is he?” Sam immediately asks after slamming the door shut behind himself.

Anthony stares at him, obviously planning on not saying anything.

“Where the fuck is Peter? C’mon asshole, you told him there was a threat and now I can’t fucking find him. Where is he?”

Sam watches as Anthony’s face pales and he looks down at the ground with his eyes wide.

Sams stomach churns. “Please? Come on, I don’t know your intentions but please tell me. He’s only 18, I-“

Anthony gets the watch as Sam regrets every word he ever said to Peter and holds back tears because there was a chance they wouldn’t find Peter and it would be Sams fault.

“Get me out of here.” Anthony tells Sam.

Sam stares at him, there’s a darkness behind Anthony’s eyes at that moment he’s only seen on Bucky when he had to act like the winter soldier with Zemo.

Sam thinks back to Peter voguing for Anthony and makes a decision. This time, he would trust Peter.

“Alright.”

None of the other Avengers had been consulted during this decision, but Sam leaves the tracking of his wings on just in case.

He and Anthony would go together to help Peter.

“What are we doing?” Anthony asked while Sam walked into his room at the compound.

“I don’t know what we’re up against, I gotta suit up.” Sam said.

Anthony hummed and nodded, leaning against the doorway while Sam picked up something familiar.

“Is that Captain America’s shield?” Anthony asked, raising a brow.

“Yeah, Steve gave it to me before he retired.” Sam nodded, picking up a duffel bag.

“Which makes you Captain America.” Anthony smiled.

“Yup.” Sam chuckled.

“Alright, grab your suit. You can change on the plane.” Anthony decided, already walking off.

“What?” Sam quickly slung the duffel bag over his shoulder, carrying the shield and jogging to catch up with Anthony.

“What do you mean, plane?” Sam asked.

Anthony lifted his hand, holding a pair of keys in it. “Snatched it before you guys locked me up. You should really have an AI looking over this place to tell you things.” He suggested.

Sam felt some deja vu, remembering when Tony was alive and the voice of Friday could be heard everywhere. Rhodey shut her down, unable to listen to her voice and be reminded of his friend.

—

Anthony takes them to where Peter is currently trying to get a good vantage point on the threat, he’s only getting minor goons outside the building(maybe? The antagonist is up to you).

Sam stays back for a bit, getting a call on his phone from Rhodey who he knows is pissed.

He hesitantly answers and listens to the scolding but gives them their location anyway, having more Avengers on their way.

Anthony and Peter are talking and planning as well as joking. Peter seems pleased that Sam decided to trust him.

The three of them start to infiltrate the threat, Anthony has a wrist gauntlet that’s ice blue and silver he uses as well as a gun.

The Avengers arrive rather quickly to help the fight, all very wary about Anthony.

Here’s the thing, they all know Anthony’s moral is messed up and he isn’t afraid of killing or anything like that. They know he isn’t Tony.

So when Peter gets injured/almost dies they are all very surprised to see Anthony freeze as Sam tries to help the wound on his body.

The threat is gone at this point and the Avengers are trying to help Peter while he’s screaming out in pain, and Anthony is unfamiliar with the liquid rolling down his face.

(You can also make it where everyone thinks Peters dead and he kinda wakes up in the middle of their mourning lol)

And then Anthony snaps back into it, rushing forward and sliding through The small crowd and leaning down next to Peter with Sam on the other side.

“Hey hey hey, you’re alright kid. You’re alright.” Anthony said, forcing and smile and putting his hand on the side of Peter face.

Peters crying while Sams trying to get the bullet/clean the wound.

Anthony grabs onto Peters hand and squeezes it, Peter squeezes back.

“You’re gonna be okay Peter, I know it hurts, Underoos.” Anthony whispered in Peters ear.

Peter looked like he was gonna say something but then looked up and locked eyes with Anthony.

“What?” Peter whispered.

For Anthony, that moment too felt unreal. Memories began to blend with his own.

‘There’s this crazy car parked outside!’

‘Mr. Parker.’

‘Umm. What, what are you doing? Hey.. I- I- I’m Peter.’

‘Tony.’

‘If you’re nothing without the suit, you shouldn’t have it!’

‘I don’t want to go, please, I don’t want to go Mr. Stark.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Hey! Holy cow! You will not believe what's been going on. Do you remember when we were in space? And I got all dusty? And I must've passed out because I woke up and you were gone. But Doctor Strange was there right. And he said 'It's been five years. Come on, they need us.' And he started doing the yellow sparkly thing that he does. Anyway...’

Tony hugged Peter, feeling as the teens excitement wore down.

‘This is nice.’

‘Mr. Stark, hey, Mr. Stark?’

‘Can you hear me? it’s Peter. Hey..we won. Mr.Stark. We won, Mr.Stark. We won, You did it sir, you did it.’

“Anthony? What did- what did you just call me?” Peter asked, sliding up against the wall nearby after Sam finished making sure his wound was okay.

The Avengers looked confused, Rhodey glancing at the Tony lookalike uneasily.

Anthony and Peter looked at each other, both pale and scared.

“I- I don’t understand.” Anthony muttered.

Peter seemed to be staring at Anthony’s eyes the whole time, tears going down his face.

“Your eyes, Mr. Stark.” Peter held his hand to his mouth, staring in disbelief.

“What?” Anthony asked, new found emotion for the kid and everyone around him.

“Your eyes, Tony. They’re brown.”

#irondad #tony stark #peter parker #iron dad

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makeste · 4 years ago

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do you think that if deku had more self prevision he’d resent katsuki? even a little bit?

I don't really think it has anything to do with Izuku's own self-esteem tbh. his lack of resentment isn't because he doesn't respect himself, or because he thinks Katsuki had any kind of right to bully him and treat him like garbage for all those years. the reason behind his lack of resentment is actually much simpler than that -- it's because he understands Katsuki. I've actually essayed about this before, so I'm just gonna copy and paste from that if you don't mind lol.

on the flip side of the coin, however, Izuku has the utmost faith in Katsuki. to him, Katsuki is the strongest, smartest, most capable and most amazing person in the world (aside from All Might). and Izuku, unlike Katsuki, actually does understand his childhood friend at least a little bit. he understands Katsuki’s reasons for wanting to be a hero. he understands that Katsuki is not just mindlessly pursuing strength. he understands that Katsuki’s motivation is about overcoming obstacles and beating challenges. and most importantly, he understands that Katsuki, in spite of everything he’s said and done to Izuku over the years, is fundamentally a good person.

and this is crucial. because, along with the bond of familiarity they’ve built up together over the years, it’s this other, one-sided bond of understanding that is responsible for their relationship enduring for as long as it did despite everything. as you put it, anon, Izuku’s trust is ultimately what becomes the bridge between them. on some level, he trusts in Katsuki’s innate goodness. he believes in it in spite of all of Katsuki’s attempts to persuade him otherwise. e.g. when Katsuki suggests that he go jump off the roof, Izuku is hurt by the words, but he never once takes them to heart, because he knows on some instinctive level that Katsuki doesn’t mean them. and so he grumbles to himself about Katsuki needing to think before he speaks, but aside from that he never gives the words another thought.

Katsuki would no doubt consider this yet another example of Izuku not caring enough about himself or taking himself into account. but it really is more than that. the reason the words don’t cut deep in spite of them being vicious and well-targeted is simply because Izuku knows that Katsuki isn't truly that cruel. and he knows that on a level so deep that Katsuki is never able to break it despite his best efforts. he can’t break it, because there’s nothing to break, because it’s true. the reason the relationship endures in spite of everything is because deep down Katsuki is fundamentally a good person, and so Izuku’s trust, in the end, is based on truth. and so it never fully breaks, and eventually, it becomes reciprocated.

like, please don't take this to mean that I'm excusing Katsuki's behavior in any kind of way lol because no. absolutely not. what he did was totally fucked up, and he knew better and he should have done better regardless of whatever weird emotional hang-ups he had. but that said, what's done is done, and it comes down to whether or not you believe that people should be defined by the worst thing they've done in their lives, or whether you believe that they can learn and change and become better. and I think it's clear that Izuku believes in the latter. so yeah.

basically it's not about him not having enough regard for himself; it's about him having enough empathy that he can see the good in others even when they're at their worst. does that make any kind of sense? basically Izuku sees Katsuki in the same way the readers are able to see Katsuki -- he sees right through all of his bullshit to the person that he is underneath. and because he is able to understand him in that way, he loves him for who he is, and that compassion more than trumps any lingering resentment he might possibly have towards the person he used to be.

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honeypiehotchner · 4 years ago

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Stranger. (Loki x Fem!Reader) — one shot

Welcome to my first ever Loki one shot! I blame tiktok for this one, and full credit for this idea goes to @/irislaufeyson on there (or she’s the first one I saw do this). I listened to “Still Don’t Know My Name” by Labrinth while writing! (It’s also used in the tiktoks so that’s why lol)

Summary: You loved Loki. But you needed to forget him. (aka Thor knows a special trick used only on Asgard where saying “Stranger” to someone erases all memories of them from your mind.)

Warnings: This is straight up angst. No happy ending. So sorry. (Also a warning for this having no set place in any timeline lol I wasn’t focused on that so just run with it)

When you first met Loki, you were annoyed. You hated him. You hated his smirk, his eyes, his teeth when he smiled, his tongue when it swiped over his bottom lip, and worst of all — you hated the reactions he got out of you.

You were well aware that’s all he wanted. A reaction. And despite your better efforts, your body gave it to him.

Eventually, you grew used to him. You had no choice. With him at the Tower being an “honorary” Avenger of sorts, you were stuck with him.

It started slow. The snide remarks, your rolling eyes, your grin when you’d effectively bring a god to his knees in hand-on-hand combat.

But then it went fast. The snide remarks turned flirty. You no longer rolled your eyes, but instead gave him looks. When you’d put him on the ground during training, you’d straddle his hips, and he’d sometimes flip you over, pinning your wrists at the side of your head.

Everyone would yell at you to get a room — well, Natasha would. Steve, Bucky, Sam, basically everyone else disapproved, including Thor. But Tony disapproved the most.

“I like him, okay?!” You screamed at Tony one night.

You had lost it. You reached a breaking point. Tony had been on your ass, making it known that he hated the way you and Loki looked at each other, flirted with one another. He had even gone as far to say that your and Loki’s “situation” was endangering productivity.

You could’ve smacked him. But if it weren’t for him, you’d be dead in a ditch somewhere. So you kept your head, and tried to explain your feelings to him.

“I still don’t like it,” Tony said after you finished. “He’s not safe.”

“He’s never once put my life in danger,” you argued.

“Not yet.”

“You don’t know that he will,” you continued. “I trust him.”

“It’s a bad idea,” Tony shrugged.

“Not everyone has chronic trust issues, Tony,” you snapped. “I don’t need a lecture from you of all damn people about trust.”

Tony let you leave after that. He never apologized to you for how he insulted you. And you never apologized to him, either.

You don’t remember when you started sleeping in Loki’s bed. All you know is that you got used to it quickly. Three nights in, you tried sleeping in your room, and wake up in his. And when you asked him how you got there, he simply smiled.

“You’re a sleepwalker, I’m afraid,” Loki murmured, lips ghosting over your eyebrow. “You climbed in next to me without a word.”

“I’m sorry,” you groaned, hiding your face in your arm.

“No need to be sorry, my love,” Loki whispered, turning your head so you’d stop hiding. “I am only glad that even in your sleep, you find me.”

You kissed him hard, then. Hands running through his hair, tugging, swallowing his moans while he swallowed yours. His hands found their way under your shirt, and would’ve gone further if it weren’t for the loud alarm that began to blare.

“Tony,” you grumbled. “I hate him.”

“Me too,” Loki agreed breathily. “We’ll finish this later, hm?”

You did.

It was a quiet shift, but eventually you began staying in Loki’s room completely. You moved a few of your things every night, started putting your clothes in his closet next to his, you even brought your favorite blanket with you one night — and that’s when you knew what you were feeling was serious.

Everything was perfect. Until it wasn’t.

Loki always told you he’d give you the world. The universe. All of it.

You never imagined he’d try.

“I’m doing this for you, love, don’t you see?” He had cried, voice broken.

“I don’t want you to do this,” you replied, tears welling in your eyes, and Loki didn’t know what to do then. He never wanted to cause you pain. “Stop this, Loki, please.”

But he was too far gone. “You’ll see. Once it’s done, you’ll see, my love. You’ll see.”

Tony got you out of there before Loki could do anything. You still don’t think he would have. But everyone else thought otherwise.

“You need to end this,” Tony said once he got you to safety.

You shook your head. “He’ll come around. I just need more time.”

“We don’t have time! People are going to die if we don’t do something!”

“Just give me some time!” You yelled back.

“No,” Tony said firmly. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

You fought it hard. You tried to reason with Loki, but all of it was to no avail. People died.

Millions died.

The guilt weighed heavy on your heart. You didn’t even say goodbye before Thor took Loki home, back to Asgard, where he wouldn’t hurt anyone else.

It was months before you reached out to Thor, asking if you could speak to Loki. To say goodbye. To ask why. To check on him. To tell him you still love him, even though you shouldn’t.

You only told Thor it was to say goodbye. So he agreed.

And when he saw the state you were in, he offered a solution.

You told him if you could just forget, you’d feel better. The guilt was eating you alive. You were nearly hospitalized twice.

So, when Thor told you he knew how he could help you forget, you agreed without hesitation.

You loved Loki greatly. But you couldn’t keep going on like this.

“You’re doing the right thing,” Thor said.

You merely scoffed. A noise somewhere between a broken laugh and a sob.

Loki’s cell looked nicer than you expected, you’ll admit. And he was reading. Doing at least one thing that made him happy.

Your heart broke when you saw it was a copy of your favorite novel, knowing what you’re about to do.

“Brother,” Thor said. “You have a visitor.”

Loki laughed. “Go away.”

Slowly, you lowered the hood from your head. “Loki.”

Your voice. It stunned him to breathlessness, and he nearly dropped the book. He scrambled to his feet, right to the edge of his cell in a matter of minutes. “My love.”

Your heart broke. “How are you?”

“Better now that I see your face,” he smiled. “Have you come to get me out of here?”

You shook your head sadly. “I can’t do that.”

His face fell, only a fraction. “Still, I’m glad you came. I’ve missed you. How have you been in my absence?”

Sleepless. Restless. Depressed. Guilt-ridden. “I’ve been okay.”

Loki had always been good at reading your face. “What’s wrong?”

Tears welled in your eyes. “I love you.”

“My love,” Loki whispered. “What are you doing here?”

“I love you,” you repeated. “I’m so sorry for what I’m about to do, but I have to. You understand that, right?”

“Y/N—”

“Just tell me you understand,” you interrupted. “Please.”

“Okay,” Loki replied, but what you didn’t know is that he was trying to read your mind. Trying to figure out what was plaguing you, and when he saw, his eyes widened. “Y/N, don’t—”

“Stranger,” you choked out, squeezing your eyes shut once the last syllable left your lips.

When you opened them again, your eyebrows furrowed. What am I doing down here?

“Please,” Loki whispered. “My love.”

You looked around, wondering who he could be speaking to. “I’m sorry,” you said. “You must have me mistaken with someone else.”

Before Loki can say anything else, Thor calls out your name, catching your attention. “It’s time to go home.”

Right, it was all coming back now. You came to visit Thor and he asked if you’d like to walk with him as he did a routine check-in.

You gave Thor a look. “Not even going to let me stay one night? I’m hurt.”

Thor grinned, glad you didn’t lose your wit, but also glad to see a genuine smile on your face again. “Next time.”

“Fine,” you rolled your eyes, glancing one last time over your shoulder. “Who’s he?”

“No one important,” Thor replied quickly. “Thank you for accompanying me down here to check on things.”

You punched his arm with a laugh. “Always, you scaredy cat.”

Loki watched with tears streaking his face as you left, memories erased.

You might’ve forgotten him, but he’ll never forget you.

And if he ever gets out of this damn cell, he’ll make you remember.

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dizzydancingdreamer · 4 years ago

Text

Idiot | Tony Stark

Hey lovelies— I wrote some flangst even though I have a billion other things that needed to be written. I really woke up and said “comfort character? I think you mean: Tony Stark” and then wrote a fic with no plot. It’s just sappy and sad and cuddly and kinda’ elusive as to the relationship. Might expand on this or might let it sit in the void like I am :) Enjoy

Description: Literally like zero plot, this was literally written today this morning because I am a heartbroken mess and I fucking hate real life men right now and I hate the military and I hate guys who tell you that you’re special when they don’t fucking mean it and I really need a Best Friend/Maybe More!Tony Stark cuddle

Pairing: Best Friend / Maybe More!Tony Stark x Female!Reader

Warnings: Like nothing, kinda angsty

Word count: 2.7k

Tags: Fluff, Angst, breakups LOL

She wakes up screaming again. This is the ninth night in a row and she’s starting to think that the others are going to request to soundproof her room. She wouldn’t blame them. She would almost prefer they do that because at least then she won’t have to stop screaming when she wakes up. She can just keep going and finally run out of voice and then maybe— maybe— she won’t be able to say his name anymore.

She flips over, her hair plastered to the back of her neck, her stomach tossing like she’s on a roller coaster. She can’t tell if she wants to cry or throw up— she wants to scream at both choices. She wants to rip her hair out too but then she would be sad and bald and she can only do one of those things right now. She’s not deep enough in the spiral to chop it off yet— that’s a day twelve activity.

She settles on crying— like she even has a choice— and soon her room is filled with the sound of her heaving against a pillow that still smells too much like him. She tosses it— she whips it across the damn room and doesn’t flinch when she hears something shatter. It was nothing important, she knows that for a fact. She hopes it’s the picture of them.

She pulls her knees up, tucking them under her torso, praying the pressure will alleviate the bubbling in her stomach. It won’t— she’s only fooling herself. He’s not a cramp— it’s not food poisoning; it’s rage. It’s brain melting sadness. It’s every ‘Good morning beautiful’ and ‘I miss you’ and ‘I love—

No. Nope— not that one. She can’t think about that one. If she does then she might never stop— she might take a match to everything in this room, every piece of clothing in her closet, every mug in the kitchen that he ever touched. Where would she be then— stuff-less, clothes-less, and with every Avenger looking for a coffee mug pissed at her?

Yeah no— better to just not think about it. Better to just scream.

She squeezes her eyes closed— not like it matters, the room is pitch black anyway— and slams her fist against the mattress, letting the sting that rips up her arm ring louder than his name in her head. It only works for a moment before it’s back— louder and angrier than ever. Louder and angrier than her. His name in her head is a separate entity, haunting her skull like it’s a dilapidated mansion, trying to evict her from the endless halls of her own mind.

She bunches the blanket up, shoving it against her mouth and praying that it muffles the crazed roar that sheds from her lungs— like an animal being ripped apart, she can’t tell if she’s screaming for help or for something so much worse.

There’s a knock on the door and she freezes, her blood running ice cold. A few seconds tick by, her limbs and jaw glued into a tight position, tongue heavy and aching in her mouth. Her heart pounds hard in her chest— the entity knocking back to whoever’s at the door— there’s just no way.

“Would you open the door if I told you there are macaroons in my hand?” A collected, slightly sarcastic, familiar voice breaks through the wood barrier of her door.

Her shoulders drop, her throat closing slightly— it’s just Tony.

“I— erm—” she jumps off her bed quickly, stumbling in the dark until she finds the lamp on her desk, turning it on the the sight of her blasphemous pillow and the shattered remains of a purple mug— damn she overshot the pillow by an inch— “gimme’ a minute, ‘k?”

“You get five seconds — these walls are thick but Friday alerted me to the— and I quote— distressed wailing.”

Oh god of course she did— how could she forget about the damn AI? She presses her palms against her eyes, wicking away as much moisture as possible. She’s so tired— her bones feel like cement, her neck barely keeping her head screwed on let alone straight. She’s a mess and all she can do is chuck her pillow back on her bed and ignore the purple shards peeking out from behind her dresser. One thing at a time.

She pushes her lead bones to the door, trying not to wince as the light pours into her dim room. She blinks a few times, her eyelashes sticky and cheeks stiff, taking in the man in grey sweatpants and a worn MIT hoodie in front of her. She glances down and sure enough he has a mug of pistachio macaroons. A mug. How ironic.

She flicks her gaze to his face, blinking back another wave of tears when she sees the concern mingling with his coffee eyes. “Hey doll.”

She swallows, trying to clear her stinging throat. It doesn’t work, her voice still sounds like she’s been chain smoking since the ripe age of five years old. “Hey Tony.”

He raises a dark brow, eyes drawing down her front, and she shifts on her feet, wishing the hallway light would flicker out. She just knows her eyes are puffy and her hair a mess. Her t-shirt is definitely crumpled, hiding what she can only hope is shorts and not just a pair of panties, and she only has one sock on— she can feel it now, the hardwood like ice against her toes. Her face flushes with heat, fingers clasping awkwardly in front of her— she may as well have a sign flashing above her head. Heartbroken idiot.

For a moment they just stand there, eyes locked, daring the other to move or speak or do anything at all first. Finally Tony sighs, holding his arms out, shaking his head. “Are you waiting for an invitation? Get your butt over her— now.”

That’s all it takes for her to practically jump into his arms, throwing her weight against the man like a drowning woman would a life preserver. That’s kind of what he is. Her best friend— her life line. Any other time she would have been the one knocking on his door— kicking his door down is more like it— but he told her— he told her that he was no good and she didn’t listen. She wraps her arms around his neck, biting her lip hard enough to keep the tears from dripping down her face again. She missed him— she’s been missing him for months.

“He’s an idiot, doll.” Tony mumbles against her hair, arms circling her back and pressing her to him so tight that it feels like he’s trying to fuse their bodies together.

He smells like motor oil and coffee and her chest shakes from the contrast of the fire in her veins and the cool relief of finally going home. It feels like longer than months— it feels like years. She’s been walking on eggshells around him since she introduced her— now ex— boyfriend. They don’t fight— at least, they didn’t before. They’ve never had a reason to.

Not until him.

Warmth seeps from him, curling around her limbs. She presses her face into his shoulder, breathing in the scent ingrained in his hoodie. He’s been wearing it for a few days, she can tell. If things were normal she would be tugging at the pocket, slipping her hands in and tangling them with his, tracing his knuckles with her thumbs. She’ll settle for this though— she’ll take anything.

“I’m the idiot.” She mutters dejectedly, fingers tugging on his hood, trying desperately to distract herself from how much she wants to scream again. “I thought, Tony— I— god I’m so stupid.”

Tony stiffens, chest like marble and pressing against hers so hard she can feel his heart beating against her practically bare skin— deadly calm but beginning to pick up.

“Don’t you dare.” His voice is gravelly, grinding his words against her ear.

His hold on her loosens and she panics, her own heartbeat spiking rapidly in her chest— what is he doing? Is he leaving? No, no, no he can’t leave! She locks her arms around his shoulders as he bends down, shaking her head, the tears finally spilling over her cheeks, hot and angry and desperate. “No please— don’t go I’m sorry— I’m— please don’t leave me.”

She’s incoherent, not even sure that the words coming out of her mouth make any sense at all but she has to at least try. He can’t leave— not now. She can take a broken heart, she can take one stupid man, she can take having a sockless foot and a head that feels like its caving in— she can’t take her best friend walking away and leaving her in this obscenely bright hallway to fend the light off by herself. If she loses her home she’s done for. “Tony no you can’t— you can’t go.”

She’s sobbing, chest heaving, and she just barely registers the soft clink of the mug settling against the floor before one of his arms is slipping under her thighs, hauling her toes off the floor. His other arm remains anchored around her back, fingers digging into her side to keep her from falling. The sudden motion makes her gasp— a watery, broken noise— her legs pushing around his hips and clinging for dear life.

“Hey—” his jaw rubs against her temple, her cheek pressed against his shoulder, stubble scratchy enough to regain her attention— “I’m here, doll. Right here— you honestly might be an idiot if you think I’m leaving you.”

She chokes out a laugh. It sounds more like a whimper— like she’s scrounging for the last drops of happiness in her for his sake. Probably because she is. She tightens her legs around his waist, socked ankle crossing over bare ankle, sucking in a deep breath as his thumb rubs circles on her ribcage.

“I wouldn’t blame you if you did.” She sighs and his hand stills. “You were right.”

“Trust me— I wish I wasn’t.” His fingers crawl up her back, curling around the back of her neck, pushing the hair from her clammy skin.

The warmth of his skin on hers is like heaven and she tries to ignore the fact that he’s touching her while she’s a complete wreck. “You should hate me.”

His hand clamps harder around her skin, the sharp inhale he takes making his chest rise and push against hers. His fingers slip into her hair and he tugs gently, coaxing her to lift her head from shoulder. When she does she meets his determined, narrowed stare and his minute frown. Her heart clenches when she takes in the rest of his face, her gaze landing on the off purple bruises under his eyes, the tell tale sign that her best friend hasn’t been sleeping. It’s her fault— she knows it is.

He shakes his head, his brown hair ruffling slightly. “God, baby, you really are an idiot, aren’t you?”

Her lip trembles, her stomach squeezing— baby. “Tony—”

His forehead drops, his damp skin meeting her own, nose bumping against hers, drawing up the bridge and then back down— she can’t breathe. “You’re an idiot if you think for a second that I could hate you. For anything let alone something so damn ridiculous.”

He laughs a breathy, frenzied sound, nose drawing along her cheekbone. She must be dreaming. That's the only explanation as to the sudden lack of oxygen in the hallway— the only explanation to the way her veins are thrumming like guitar strings being plucked. This can’t be real. She feels like she’s going to wake up any minute now, throat raw and chest aching twice as much.

She opens mouth— she has to say something— but he keeps going. “An idiot if you think I wouldn’t follow you to the other end of the earth. Of the galaxy. Here you are thinking I hate you because you dated a moron? Because, what, I told you not to? Big deal— you tell me not to do things all the time. That’s what we do, baby. We tell eachother not to do stupid things and then we don’t listen.”

He pulls back enough to take in her face, eyes drawing over the curve of her nose and the slope of her cheeks before landing back on hers. His stare is intense— demanding, like him— she wouldn’t be able to look away if she wanted to. That’s impossible though; she could stare at this man all day and not get bored. She thinks back to all those days in his workshop, watching him fiddle with his suits. What she wouldn’t give to be there now, legs curled under her and his MIT hoodie— the same one on him now— pulled over her, singing along to their playlist and passing him screwdrivers. Her chest squeezes at the thought— she can’t remember the last time she did that.

His hand in her hair tugs again and she forces herself to stay in the moment, watching his lips form the words first and then letting her ears catch up. “He was a tool and you’re too good for that, alright? That has nothing to do with us. Point blank, whatever, he has no effect on us. Okay?”

She nods, her nose bumping against his again, and for the first time all night— all week— it feels like she can breathe. “Okay.”

His chest sags under her, the tension in his shoulders releasing under her fingers. “Good. Don’t say stupid things. That’s my job.”

“You’re right.” She cracks a smile, one that feels too foreign but entirely familiar. “You can have it back.”

Tony’s brows push together, head pulling back, his own smile beginning to carve over his lips. “Have what back?”

“The title of world’s biggest idiot.”

Just like that she’s giggling, throwing her head back and letting the laughter pour out of her. It’s cathartic— it’s natural. Like a dam breaking, it’s fast and dangerous and exhilarating. Before she knows it he’s laughing too, his forehead pressing against her shoulder, chest shaking, and she’s digging her fingers into his hoodie to keep herself steady. They’re definitely waking up everyone else in the compound but she doesn’t care. She only throws herself closer to him, hugging him so tight that she’s practically falling over his back, legs locked high around his stomach.

He turns his face against her neck, mumbling his words into her skin. “Missed you, doll.”

Her fingers slip into his hair, toying with the soft strands and sighing. “Missed you more.”

Groaning, he straightens, re-securing his arm around her. He passes her another smile, this one softer, more in control. She pulls at his hair in return, earning a half-hearted eye roll and the reward of him sinking his head against her hands. She scratches at his scalp lightly, scrunching her nose and trying not to giggle again. Now that she’s started she can’t stop— that’s his real super power; leaving her in stitches.

“You think you’re ready to sleep again?”

She sobers at his question, shrugging. She already knows she’s not. The thought of going back to her room and having to sleep without a pillow again, alone, makes her blanche. She would rather not sleep at all then do that. She may as well go make a pot of coffee if that’s her option. The answer bubbles in her mouth— no.

No she is not ready— but she has to be. She has to be a big girl. Even if it means sleeping with the window open so that she can’t smell her sheets, even if it means freezing because the windows are open and she can’t use her blankets, even if she would rather be tucked under the covers of Tony’s bed like the old days when things were normal and she was happy.

But she can’t say that— can she?

“I guess— you gotta’ put me down though,” is what she finally settles on, trying to keep the disappointment from her words. It definitely doesn’t work but for the sake of her sanity she pretends it does.

He frowns— fully this time— blinking at her like she’s grown another head. “Uh no I don’t.”

He says it sarcastically— like she’s crazy for even suggesting such a thing— his face incredulous. It makes her heart spike, adrenaline pumping through her veins. She’s missing something.

“Tony, what are you talking—“

And then he turns, starting down the hall, starting towards his room, and she shuts her mouth. She’s not going to protest— she’s not risking her chance.

She’s not an idiot.

#Tony Stark #tony stark fluff #tony stark angst #tony stark x y/n #tony stark x reader #tony stark imagine #iron man #mcu #mcu fic #marvel cinematic universe #marvel cinematic universe fic #tony stark fic #iron man fic #wow sad dizzy hours

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taeyongdoyoung · 3 years ago

Photo

summary: you have a crush on college student renjun so you make use of your best lamest flirting attempts and surprisingly they work?!

pairing: renjun x gn!reader

genre: college!au, romance, pure fluff

warnings: very lame jokes, mentions of a cruel prank in the past (someone asking out renjun as a joke, pls never do that to people!), lots of awkwardness & sweetness, a bit of swearing, reader has an obsession with renjun’s pretty hands

word count: 4.7k

It had been a while since you had a crush so strong you even had a hard time focusing in class. Usually, you were a very good student, diligently taking notes and participating when the professor asked questions. But that was until you saw Renjun for the first time.

It was like something possessed you and suddenly you couldn't think about anything else but his pretty, gentle face, his angelic voice and his lovely hands always drawing something in his notebook. It certainly didn't help much that you were seated right next to him during your shared lectures. It most certainly didn't help that you forgot all your vocabulary when you were in his immediate vicinity. Usually, your teachers and friends described you as well-spoken and eloquent, always knowing the right thing to say.

But that was, of course, until Renjun. All words disappeared from your poor brain whenever he was around. And it's not like you didn't want to talk to him, get to know him better. But you physically couldn't bring yourself to form a coherent sentence. You kept telling yourself it was just a silly crush and it would pass in time. But the more time passed, the stronger you felt the need to do something about your feelings. Naturally, you couldn't speak, but there was still something you could do. Something you probably did best. Write.

So one day, after what felt like an eternity of yearning, you finally gathered the courage to act on your emotions. Taking a small sheet of paper out of your notebook, you wrote a little something. It was probably super lame but apparently, even your writing skills were affected by your crush on him. As soon as your "masterpiece" was done, you slid it towards Renjun before you could chicken out and change your mind about this whole thing. The note had the following text:

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your drawings are almost As pretty as you. P.S. Key word: almost ;)

The second he spotted the little note which was folded in a hurry, he opened it curiously. Once he read its insides, you could hear him snort under his breath. Was it that bad? You couldn't help but worry. Then, he took his own pen and started writing something under it. That was a good sign, right? You were feeling hopeful. Once he was done, he slid the paper towards you. You opened it in a rush. His response was:

Hey! Are you bullying my art?!?

You looked at him in confusion. How could he have possibly misunderstood? However, he was too focused on multitasking (drawing most of the time and occasionally taking notes based on the lecture) to spot your reaction. You decided you had no choice but to be as explicit as possible and wrote another note:

Nooo, I meant to compliment both you and your art, sorry if it came off wrong and lame :(

When he received it, you could swear you saw him smiling a little, which made your heart melt. How was he so beautiful? Soon enough, his reply came:

That's alright, I'm just teasing...Also, it worked.

You couldn't believe it. It worked? You'd successfully grabbed his attention by using this first-grade flirting method in college? You were suddenly feeling brave and kept writing. It was too late to turn back time.

I just think you're really pretty and cool especially when you draw but I was too hesitant to talk to you directly...

When he read your most recent note, he even gave you a look of disbelief, which you couldn't interpret until you saw his response:

Cool? Wow, that's a first...And it's ok, I don't bite.

You chuckled quietly and suddenly noticed that class was ending soon. You couldn't wait until tomorrow so you hurriedly wrote the content of your next note:

What do I have to do to get your number?

Renjun shook his head in amusement and this time, his reply came quicker than before:

*number enclosed* Here, that wasn't so hard, was it?

You could hear the lecturer saying his words of conclusion and you hurried to respond via another note, because you couldn't trust your voice to actually speak to Renjun. Not yet, at least. So, you wrote:

Thank you!!! Here is mine: *number enclosed*

And just as he received your final note, the students around you started gathering their things. You simply looked at Renjun and you still couldn't believe he'd actually replied to your silly flirting and even gave you his number! You waved him goodbye like a lovesick fool and practically ran outside of the lecture hall. Stage fright whomst? Try having a crush on the prettiest boy in the world.

After you went back home, you debated calling Renjun. Eventually, you talked yourself out of it. What if you said something stupid and embarrassing? With texting, you could at least have more time to think things through before sending them. Actually speaking to him seemed too terrifying a task to accomplish. So, you texted him excitedly and your heart did a back-flip when he replied. Was it strange that you already missed him, even though it had only been a couple of hours since you last saw him? Naturally, you couldn't tell him that, it would probably freak him out. So, you settled for texting (for the time being).

Renjun: Why did you run away after class?

You: I was too nervous to speak to you, I'm sorry!!!

Renjun: That's strange, I see you talking to your friends all the time...Am I so scary?!?

You: Nooo, you're not scary, I'm just being an idiot 😔

Renjun: Top of the class does not equal idiot but I'll let it slide this time

You: Thank you for your generosity!

Renjun: What are you up to?

You: Probably gonna work on that assignment for next week

You: Sorry, I'm so boring 😔

Renjun: First of all, you don't have to apologize so much, you did nothing wrong

Renjun: Second of all, saaame. We can brainstorm together if you want?

You: Sorry, I'll stop. Oops, I did it again. Pretend you didn't see it.

You: Also omg, yes pls, that would be great!

And that is how your friendship with Renjun started. Texting on your phones and exchanging notes during class lasted a week until you finally decided to ask him out. Again, via text, because you were feeling too shy to speak to him. The only other contact you'd had was waving at each other. And it's not like he spoke to you, either. There were two explanations for that: 1) he chose to respect your decision or 2) he was possibly just as shy as you were. Whatever the reason, you thought this could not go on forever so you managed to find the bravery to propose a date.

You: Do you wanna go out with me? 👉🥺👈

Renjun: Sure, where do you wanna go?

You: Oh, wow, I didn't think I'd get this far lol

You: Where do YOU wanna go?

Renjun: Hmm, there's this new art gallery I've been meaning to visit...if that's okay with you

You: Anything is good with me as long as I get to see your pretty face

Renjun: What

You: I said you're pretty

Renjun: Shut up, oh my God...

You: Do you want me to stop?

Renjun: Say that again

You: You're pretty

Renjun: 😳😳😳

Renjun: I can't wait to see you again

You: Same here

Once you got to the front of the art gallery, it struck you how strange it was that you would speak to Renjun for the first time ever. You mentally braced yourself as you awaited his arrival anxiously. Your nails were digging into the inside of your hands and you were terrified you'd pierce holes through your own skin. You told yourself this was silly, you had no reason to be so nervous. Renjun was a total sweetheart and he obviously liked talking...well, writing to you. You needn't worry that much, you kept repeating in your mind. You were too busy hyping yourself up to notice him approaching behind you. Too busy to be prepared for what came next.

"Hiii," Renjun greeted you with a surprise back hug.

"Oh dear," you jumped in shock as you turned around.

"Did I scare you, angel?"

Shit. Already with the pet names? How were you supposed to survive?

"No, it's fine," you waved him off, trying to play it cool. "Isn't it weird this is the first time we're actually speaking to each other?"

"Um...kinda," Renjun scratched the back of his head. "But I like it, it's what makes this so special."

"Wow, you sure do have a way with words," you chuckled.

"Shall we go inside?" he suggested.

"Yes, please."

As you looked around the art gallery, you kept pointing excitedly at the paintings, while Renjun was quietly evaluating them and telling you interesting stories about the artists. You couldn't help but be amazed by how attractive he was as he exhibited his knowledge. And of course, you couldn't help but wonder at how he was so much more beautiful than all the art you've ever seen. Naturally, you wouldn't tell him that. First of all, because it was too lame to speak aloud. Second of all, because your voice would undoubtedly betray you and crack or something even more embarrassing. As time passed, you were surprised at how easy it was to talk to him, despite your previous concerns. Renjun was very polite and soft-mannered and he made you feel comfortable, while the two of you looked at the paintings and discussed them. Once you'd seen everything, you were starting to feel a bit bummed out that your lovely date was coming to an end. When you were outside the art gallery, you impulsively asked:

"Can I walk you home?"

"I mean...sure. On one condition."

"Anything."

"I get to walk you home next time."

"There'll be a next time?" you whispered hopefully.

"I hope I don't sound presumptuous if I share my observation we both had a wonderful time."

"That's perfectly alright. Your observation is correct," you admitted.

"I live just around the corner, though. You really don't have to-"

"But I want to."

"So do I," Renjun said and the two of you began walking towards his home.

"I was wondering about something...You already know I didn't speak to you because I was feeling shy, but why didn't you? I have two theories, but I'm curious which one is more on point."

"Do tell and I'll try my best to enlighten you," he joked.

"Okay, so theory number one is you were being respectful of my wish not to talk yet. Theory number two is that you're just as shy as I am."

Renjun laughed and you could swear this was the sweetest sound in the entire universe.

"Am I so transparent? Honestly, it's a little bit of both. But there's another part you didn't guess. But it's too embarrassing."

"Come on, tell meee! It can't be more embarrassing than my lame attempts to flirt with you."

Renjun smiled gently.

"Well, to be honest, I couldn't believe you thought I was cool and pretty...I even feared this was some sort of prank. It wouldn't be the first time someone decided to mess with me like that."

"Renjun, are you serious? I don't understand why anyone would...Scratch that, whoever messed with you didn't deserve even a fraction of your attention. I meant every word I said. I really like you...and your paintings. And I'm sorry I couldn't say it aloud earlier. You genuinely deserve to hear nice things more."

"Thank you. I appreciate it," he blinked cutely. "But enough about me. I never told you...how beautiful you are. How kind and smart."

"I know," you waved him off teasingly. "But coming from you, this means a lot."

Renjun shook his head, amused by your words.

"We should go somewhere you like next time. Maybe a bookshop?" he suggested.

"Am I so transparent?" you repeated his words. "But sure, yeah. That sounds nice."

"Well, this is me," he said, pointing towards his home.

"Already? Aw, time sure flies by when you're having fun."

"I'll see you tomorrow in class, right?"

"Of course," you promised and before you could talk yourself out of it, gave him a quick but heartfelt hug. "Bye, Renjun."

"Bye, angel."

After your first date with Renjun, things were going quite smoothly. You finally got over your nervousness when it came to talking to him and the two of you would occasionally whisper things to each other during class. The first time he held your hand under the desk your cheeks filled with colour. Despite your embarrassment, you held his hand right back and granted him with a grateful smile. After that, holding hands in class (whenever you weren't busy taking notes) became like second nature to you two. It just felt so sweet and comfortable to be close to him. You couldn't wait till the next weekend for your second date. Even though you were just going to a bookshop and had nothing that special planned out, you enjoyed being around him so much that you were more than excited for spending time with him one-on-one. No professors or other students to distract you.

When the day finally arrived, you were surprised to find out your anxious self had made a comeback. Even though you were around him everyday and had grown accustomed to holding a conversation, it had been an entire week since your first date when it was just the two of you and you couldn't help but get cold feet as you were waiting in front of the bookshop. This time Renjun didn't surprise you from behind, you could see him approaching from a distance. Mentally bracing yourself for his inevitable arrival, you knew you'd be an awkward mess no matter how hard you tried.

"Hey, angel," he greeted you with the usual hug.

"It's nice to see you again, Renjun," you replied dumbly, briefly melting into his arms.

"You saw me yesterday, remember?" he teased you.

"Um, yeah, but still," you chuckled.

"Is everything okay? You don't seem like yourself," Renjun immediately noticed the change in your behaviour.

"Why wouldn't it be? Everything's peachy," you lied, but he didn't seem to believe you.

"Be honest with me, please," Renjun asked. You suddenly remembered what he'd confided in you during your first date. It was no wonder he had a hard time trusting you after someone in his past had had the nerve to pull such a cruel prank on a soul as sweet as his. You felt guilty for lying rightaway and began explaining yourself.

"I'm sorry, I'm just nervous. I don't want to fuck anything up. Like I just did by lying and swearing. Fuck. I did it again, didn't I? I'll shut up now," you were rambling anxiously.

"Relax, Y/N, I totally get it. I was just worried maybe you didn't want to be here...with me."

"What? Nonsense. There's nowhere else I'd rather be. No one else I'd rather be with."

"Well, the feeling's mutual so there's no need for concern. Let's look at those books, yeah?"

"Yeah, sounds good, Renjun."

As the two of you went inside and started exploring the hundreds of shelves together, you felt yourself relaxing a little. Being surrounded by so many familiar titles, so many gorgeous covers was comforting. And as you kept showing Renjun some of your favourite books and telling him about your most beloved characters, he realized you were back to your usual self in no time. Attentively listening and occasionally sharing his opinions on certain authors, you didn't notice how quickly time passed by and how much you had enjoyed yourself and each other's company. Once you had looked through the bookshop in its entirety, you felt like it was too early to put an end to your date, but you didn't want to come off as too clingy or something. So, you simply looked at Renjun, expecting him to say what he wanted to do next.

"I promised you I'll walk you home this time, didn't I?" he smoothly said.

"I believe you did," you giggled. It was so sweet of him to remember such a detail.

"I'm a man of my word so lead the way," Renjun replied, offering you his arm.

"It will be my pleasure," you eagerly took his arm and the two of you began walking. You were deliberately moving at a slow place, simply because you didn't want this to end and felt like prolonging the time around him.

"Your hands are so pretty," you blurted out at one point.

"You like my hands, huh?" Renjun smirked.

"Did I say that out loud?" you were undoubtedly blushing really hard.

"I'm afraid so."

You felt completely mortified as you covered your face with your own hands.

"Hey, hey, it's fine. You can tell me anything. Chances are I'll take it as a compliment."

"Really?" you sneaked a peak. "You don't think I'm weird?"

"Maybe a little bit, but it's one of the things I like about you."

"One?" you blinked curiously.

"You're really fun to be around and you've been nothing but sweet to me. And of course, you're stunning, but that goes without saying."

"Without saying? I don't mind hearing it, though."

"I'll have that in mind," Renjun smiled gently.

"Renjun?"

"Yes?"

"Can you hold my hand?" you almost begged.

"I don't know, can I?" he tormented you with a joke.

"Will you hold my hand?" you corrected yourself.

"All you had to do was ask," Renjun acquiesced and intertwined your fingers.

Walking hand in hand, you eventually reached your place. As you two stared at one another, you refusing to go inside, him refusing to go, both of you refusing to let go of the other's hand, you thought to yourself how badly you wanted to kiss him. You had no idea if it was too early for that but you knew that the longer you tried to postpone it, the more you'd crave him. And you were an impatient person. So you quickly kissed him without thinking much. It was a bit awkward and rushed but at least, you had finally done as you wanted. Renjun looked taken aback and blinked at you a couple of times.

"I'm sorry," you apologized again. "I just..."

He silenced you softly with another kiss, this time more slowly and putting your mind and heart at ease. You lost yourself in the feeling of his plush lips against yours, finally letting go of his hand so that you could wrap yours around his neck. Hesitant at first but growing bolder by the second, you could sense Renjun's tongue testing the waters. You slightly parted your lips, letting him in. As the kiss intensified, you could feel him becoming more eager to touch you, his arms wrapped around your lower back. When you were seconds away from losing your breath, you finally broke the kiss. Opening your eyes to look at him, you couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief. He'd kissed you back.

"I thought I told you to stop apologizing so much. Especially, when you haven't done anything wrong," Renjun scolded you politely.

You opened your mouth to argue, but when you realized your immediate response would have been another 'I'm sorry', you closed it. A second later, you came up with a different reply.

"I guess you'll have to discipline me, then," you huffed in a challenge.

"Dumbass," Renjun flicked your forehead.

"Hey!" you complained with a pout. "That hurts."

"What do you want me to do? Kiss it better?" Renjun gave an unamused look.

"That doesn't sound like such a bad idea," you mumbled, not expecting him to actually...kiss your forehead. But he did. And damn your knees for threatening to give out.

"Feel better yet?"

You nodded enthusiastically.

"Get inside already," Renjun tickled your sides, nudging you in the direction of your door.

"You want to get rid of me so badly?"

"No, but we can stand here forever if you don't," he rolled his eyes.

"Do you want me to invite you in?"

"Don't tempt me and go," he was impossible to sway.

"Okay, okay," you relented. "See you tomorrow, Renjun!"

For your third date Renjun suggested something different. While your first and second date had all taken place in public locations, this time he offered going to his place. And maybe the shock on your face was too obvious, because Renjun was quick to keep talking and almost take it back.

"We don't have to if you don't want to! We can just watch something at the cinema or whatever. Forget I mentioned it if you're uncomfortable."

You quickly shook your head.

"No, no, I do want to come over! I was just...not expecting it."

"Yeah? You sure?"

"A hundred per cent," you nodded excitedly.

"Sorry to break it to you, but I'm at two hundred per cent," Renjun teased.

"It's not a competition," you reminded him.

"It's not if I'm winning," he kept playing around.

You rolled your eyes.

"So what are we watching?" you asked.

"You can't go wrong with Harry Potter, am I right?"

"You are so right," you squealed. "Which house are you in?"

"Don't get me started. Sometimes I get Ravenclaw, sometimes Slytherin, it's a mess."

"That's pretty cool, though," you were practically staring at him with heart eyes at this point.

"You're a Hufflepuff, aren't you?"

"Am I so transparent?" you complained, this line becoming something of a running gag between the two of you.

"Cute," he mumbled under his breath and you blushed, not managing to maintain eye contact.

When the time arrived for you to go to Renjun's place, you were more excited rather than nervous. He was so easy to talk to and you were genuinely making so many wonderful memories that you had made it your mission to not waste any second worrying needlessly.

"I have arrived," you announced the obvious as you stood at his door.

"I can see that," Renjun chuckled. "Come on in."

"I wasn't sure if I should bring something so I bought some pizza on the way. It's still hot, so I hope you're hungry," you said as you followed him inside like a puppy.

"Oh, that's very thoughtful. And I always have enough space left for pizza."

You grinned and the minute you put the box on the table and your arms were free, you wrapped them around Renjun in a hug.

"You're so warm," you murmured against his skin.

He kissed the top of your head swiftly. Soon after, the two of you were too busy re-watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, eating pizza and holding hands to talk much. Once the movie was over, you realized how badly you didn't want to go home and how cozy leaning your head on Renjun's shoulder felt. And how much you liked him and couldn't stop thinking about his hands, his smile and his overall existence.

"Do you want to go home already?" Renjun asked the dreaded question.

"I mean, not really, but I don't wanna impose myself on you," you whispered.

"Don't be so formal," Renjun replied. "Just stay a little longer."

"Yayyy!" you were quite overjoyed and kissed his cheek. "What do you want to do?"

"Hm, I don't know. I could give you a tour around the place."

"Sure, that sounds fun," you immediately agreed.

"Don't get your hopes up, it's just a regular college guy's apartment."

"I'm sure I'll be amazed by every little detail."

"Even my socks?"

"Especially your socks," you joked.

As he showed you around his apartment, you couldn't help but be amazed by how Renjun-like everything was. From the snug kitchen to his art supplies scattered around. Every corner made the atmosphere feel extremely homey. Until you saw something that you hadn't expected, something that hadn't come up in conversation before. A stunning grand piano. You looked at the instrument and then at Renjun and finally, back at the piano.

"Do you play?"

"No, I just keep things like that as an accessory," he responded sarcastically. "Of course, I play."

"Can you...no, wait," you stopped yourself before making a similar mistake to the one you made a while ago. "Will you play something for me?"

"Right now?"

"If it's not too much trouble," you gave him the very best pleading look you were capable of.

Renjun sighed reluctantly and sat down on the bench in front of the piano.

"Don't just stand there awkwardly, sit next to me," he urged you courteously.

You followed his advice and took the free spot. However, nothing could have possibly prepared you for witnessing Renjun's skills up-close. Watching him play was like magic. You were simply in awe and couldn't help but stare at his pretty fingers hitting the keys in just the right ways. When he was finished performing the piece, you were too frozen to do anything. Couldn't even manage to clap, even though he deserved it so much. But you were too transfixed by his playing and those damn hands of his you couldn't possibly move.

"Earth to Y/N?" Renjun went as far as snapping his fingers right in front of your face.

"Huh?" you let out.

"Did I enchant you or what?"

"I think you did," you chuckled. "Just...wow. You're insanely good."

He looked away bashfully.

"Thanks. It just takes practice."

"Nah, I've heard people play before but what you have is different. So pure and genuine. Like a blessing. And I'm not just saying that because I think I'm falling in love with you. I really mean every word."

"Care to repeat that?"

"I really mean..." you started, still not registering what exactly you'd said. How far you'd gone. What you couldn't take back.

"Before that," Renjun reminded you gently. "You know. The part about falling in love with me."

"Shit. I was thinking out loud again, wasn't I?" you asked dumbly. "It's too early for that, I know. I'm really sorry. Let's just pretend I said nothing and forget about it, yeah?"

In your panic, you jumped up from the bench and were about to escape like a coward but Renjun grabbed your hand before you could take another step.

"I think I'm falling in love with you, too," he said.

"W-what?" you stammered.

"And I don't care about whether it's too early or not. And I'm not going to pretend I didn't hear it. So the question is...what are you going to do about that?"

"Me? What...am I supposed to do?"

"What you want to do," Renjun clarified.

"Um...I want to keep falling in love with you, Renjun. And holding your pretty hands. Spending time with you. Listening to your angelic voice. What I want...is for you to be my boyfriend."

"I thought I already was."

"You were?"

"We went on a couple of dates...we kissed...Haven't I made it obvious enough?"

"Oh, right," you chuckled. "Sorry."

"Say that word one more time, I dare you," Renjun slowly ran a finger down your lips.

"S-sorry?" you had to test his patience. Before you could argue, he kissed you fiercely, wrapping his palms around your cheeks. You were drowning beneath his touch, which was ridiculous, considering he was also setting your lips on fire. You figured if saying sorry too much was going to end up like this, you would be a fool not to take advantage of it.

"Pretty angel," Renjun whispered against your mouth. "My pretty angel."

You were practically melting and the only thing holding you together were Renjun's arms.

"For fear of sounding lame, I'm inclined to say your pretty angel's almost as pretty as you. Key word: almost," you giggled, recalling your earliest attempts at flirting with him.

"Lies," Renjun shook his head.

"Hey, it worked the first time!" you pouted.

"It only worked because you're the pretty one," Renjun ruffled your hair playfully.

"Oh my God, shut up," you covered your face to hide how red it was.

"Never."

The End

#nct #renjun #nct dream #renjun x reader #nct fluff #renjun fluff #hwang renjun #nct romance #hwang renjun x reader #college au #writing

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darlington-v · 3 years ago

Note

I know different interpretations of a work are generally enriching and cool... but c!dream villan interpretations is like how to tell me you only watch Tommy without saying you only watch tommy.... which would be fine but its not a great place to be making statements about the whole nature of the dsmp lol

Wild speculation, but sometimes I wonder if like, because the dsmp didn't really start as a narrative, and a lot of fans don't nessecarily enter it expecting a narrative, but then there is one and the fandom is really discourse heavy and everyone is sort of excpeted to have an opinion while maybe not expecting to form one from the begining or not having a ton of experience with narrative in a way that would "expect" them to have an opinion or not take things at face value??, I don't know if I explained that well at all... and I don't really even think thats right nessecarily... but like wow sometimes some of the takes about power and government and villany...

Honestly, it makes sense!!!

I think something interesting is like.... looking at how animatics have shaped the like tone and culture of the fandom essentially. Like, an interesting fact that I didn't really fully grasp until SUPER recently is like...

c!Wilbur out the gate admits he is manipulating c!Tommy. Like his first youtube video on the Dream SMP he admits his goal is to manipulate c!Tommy and people like c!Tommy into helping him achieve a potion ("drug") empire to monopolize on potions because there were a lot of people on the server who like to min-max, which is to put all of your effort into this one specific skill essentially. so like... i know minecraft doesnt have a skill tree but if it did, it would be putting all your points into that one specific branch of a skill tree. So he wanted to exploit the labor of all the TommyInnits to.... maintain a Potion Empire.

THIS IS A LONG POST BC I GOT CARRIED AWAY SO BUCKLE UP

And I don't think a lot of the fandom who joined later on knows this. I certainly didn't until like a week or so ago? Like... I knew c!Wilbur had been manipulative from the start because I'm a mod of (shameless self promo incoming) @dsmpanalysis and we have a lot of different POVs in that mod team and discord and we talk about it really frequently. I joined the fandom as someone who was really big on L'manburg ESPECIALLY crimeboys, and have turned into.... *gestures vaguely to my blog*

And ngl I owe a lot of it to @1-michibiki-1 in terms of c!Dream "Apologism" but all of the mods there have expanded my thoughts and views on the storylines of this narrative.

My application consisted of like largely essays about like... how I think Dream was the villain but he was meant to be the villain because you don't get any insight into his character WHICH.... IS A FAIR ASSUMPTION AT FIRST GLANCE. People are easily villainized when you cannot get a glimpse into their thought process. It's easy to dwindle someone down into this flat character and starting out I knew Dream didn't stream the SMP on purpose.

And I personally came to the conclusion of "Oh! So Dream is supposed to be the villain." However as the story continued and I learned more about what Dream went through I began to realize that... it's more than likely a form of a red herring. My opinions on this were immediately solidified when I watched Ranboo's 2 MIL stream because both Ranboo AND Dream agree on enjoying red herrings.

There have been MANY times were Dream has said that c!Dream is a complex character and he's not a wholly evil guy and there have been times where the narrative has honestly just proved that.

Anyways, what's important though was that... I learned most of this from other people who were more focused on c!Dream rather than myself. Eventually I shifted from c!Tommy to c!Ranboo and c!Techno after c!Tommy betrayed c!Techno and I began to realize.... everything I learned before hopping in wasn't exactly what it seemed.

Part of this is because I'm older, I heavily identify with c!Techno's sense of loyalty and philosophies on government, but I especially identify with the anguish c!Techno voiced in... a lot of lore but especially the lore around Doomsday.

I'm not 16 anymore. I don't always feel wronged by adults, or older people in my case, whenever they absolutely have done something wrong by me, but I do feel wronged by my close friends. I also felt like c!Tommy's sense of loyalty didn't line up with mine after what felt like him constantly flip-flopping and refusing to understand c!Techno's morals on government didn't line up with his.

In short, it was easier to identify with Tommy in these animatics versus in the actual stream content because c!Tommy is played by a 16 year old. I'm not a teenager and my line of thinking doesn't entirely line up with people that age anymore. It's harder to place myself in the same shoes of someone's OC who is played closer to their actual age, because I'm not that age.

Regardless, I was still on the c!Dream is a villain train. I wasn't ever like... c!Dream is repulsive I hate him, but I was like omg hot villain lad go brrr.

Even when the first like... mellohi, panic room, Ranboo lore stream popped up I thought "Oh! c!Ranboo corruption arc?"

And I was excited because I really wanted this shy, nervous character to turn into villain buddies with his good pal c!Dream. I'm a total sucker for villains and corruption arcs and all that good shit.

SO I STARTED GETTING REALLY INTERESTED IN ENDERSMILE. I'VE BEEN ON ENDERSMILE SQUAD OUT THE GATE. NOT THE SAME WAY I AM NOW, BUT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED THEM TO TEAM UP.

So... upon not really keeping up with c!Dream and being relatively??? indifferent? I don't think I started arguments on c!Dream back then, but I might have. But I remember like... starting to participate more whenever c!Dream came up and looking more into Dream's character BUT ESPECIALLY TALKING WITH OUR SERVER'S C!DREAM SPECIALIST MICHI ABOUT DREAM A LOT MORE.

And because Michi has been a watcher since day one and was a DTeam fan rather than a SBI fan, she was able to provide me with more information on how the server worked pre-Tommy but especially pre-Wilbur.

Now, you could definitely argue well Michi probably has clear bias but it made sense to me when I looked back on how the storyline had been constructed and was going along, and everyone in the server talks a lot about our own biases and how we want people to maybe not lean so hard on them. Michi would also provide like anecdotes on what had happened and I'm sure links were probably provided at one point but the point was I felt like Michi had no reason to lie or manipulate how the story was told and if she did, eventually someone would have pointed it out because... Group of like... right now it's around 20 or more analysts but I don't remember how many at the time there were. POINT BEING, WE'VE ALL GOT POINTS TO PROVE AND IN MY EXPERIENCE NOT MANY OF US HAVE BEEN SHY TO PROVE THEM.

So if anyone ever had any differing opinions they would be talked about and we literally had and still have discussions.

REGARDLESS.... I DIDN'T FACT CHECK IN DEPTH BECAUSE I THOUGHT PEER REVIEW WAS ENOUGH WHEN YOU HAVE LIKE HOURS UPON HOURS OF STREAMS TO WATCH.

Anyways. Eventually I started paying closer attention and looking more into c!Dream lore but only recently have I started to triple check before speaking about c!Wilbur lore because I know everyone has biases and while I did trust everyone's thoughts and analysis in the discord, whenever I make essays I typically like it to be largely air tight and if theres a mistake, I want it to be because I forgot not because I just trusted what was said. Plus, I wanted to get down to the specifics of how Wilbur had always started with manipulation on the mind.

SO I WATCHED HIS FIRST VIDEO ON THE DREAM SMP.

AND WHAT I WAS NOT BY ANY MEANS EXPECTING WAS WILBUR TO SAY WORD FOR WORD, VERBATIM,

"SO WHY DON'T I START AN INDUSTRY WHERE I USE THE TOMMYINNITS OF THE WORLD TO WORK FOR ME, TO CREATE THINGS THAT THE MIN-MAXERS OF THE WORLD WILL WANT."

Like... this is in no way an attempt to like hardcore villainize c!Wilbur like everyone does Dream, it's just more so to like REALLY outline how far off a lot of fandom interpretation of c!Wilbur is....

Because of SBI focused animatics.

Now, when I joined I watched A LOT of animatics that really highlighted like... Wilbur being this self-loathing JD-esque, "I destroyed it because I had to because the world was against me because no one loved us, Tommy" type of character. At least... that's what it came across as.

And it definitely highlighted the fact that Tommy was a victim, which he is. He is undoubtedly a victim and no not even any dream apologist can change my mind otherwise. Tommy, despite being an instigator sometimes, didn't deserve the abuse he received.

But these animatics never shown the fact that c!Wilbur started L'manburg as a shady ploy to exploit people like c!Tommy and vilify c!Dream so he could have power.

And that was easy because Dream and Tommy had wars before. They had spars and pranks and here's the plan to take back my disks and here's the plan to out smart the thieving little child etc etc.

And all of the animatics I watched never mentioned this. Neither did the recaps though. The recaps gave the events flat out, there didn't sound like there was bias, and honestly I don't really know if there was rather than like... a lack of nuance. And it's hard to provide a recap with that much nuance in a short period of time for a youtube video, to be perfectly fair.

However, this creates a perfect formula for entirely rewriting the history of a server. c!Wilbur quite literally fucking succeeded TO A META LEVEL. He slandered and ran smear campaigns against Dream and like he even does that with Sapnap in the beginning. But what's crazy is that it transferred over into the meta! Most of this fandom understands Wilbur as a victim of mental illness, and yeah maybe? He definitely wasn't mentally well by the end of pogtopia, but he never started out with honorable intentions. L'manburg was never a victim, only its citizens. The TommyInnits of the world.

I just think it's like... such an interesting case study. Because this is like... an opinion like shared by at least half of the fandom, but the vilifying of c!Dream is shared by MOST of the fandom I would argue. Which is like even more crazy for me because that was c!Wilbur's goal!!!

LIKE I GO INSANE WHEN I THINK OF THIS BECAUSE HIS REACH IS JUST TOO POWERFUL. HE'S NOT EVEN ENTIRELY REAL, JUST A MANIPULATIVE PERSONA OF SOME BRITISH GUY.

And I mean... maybe people who have watched Wilbur's video on the SMP still maintain this idea that Wilbur wasn't always the bad guy, but honestly... I wouldn't be surprised if their introduction was still an animatic. Like bias is hard to check and I'm not going to lie I could have sworn I watched both Wilbur's AND Tommy's video on the SMP in the beginning and yet I STILL was a ride or die for tragic yet on some level still honorable Wilbur and a resilient Tommy.

Like... upon watching Wilbur's first video... possibly again I was surprised because I thought I did watch it like right before I even started watching the streams and yet I was still so invested in c!Wilbur as this tortured anti-hero.

It took 6 months of... not being in an echo chamber, full of multiple different people of different ages, different stream POVS, and people who joined the fandom at different points in time.

IDK IF THIS WAS EVEN ENTIRELY RELEVANT IT JUST FELT TANGENTIALLY RELEVANT AND THIS WAS SOMETHING I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT FOR A HOT MINUTE AFTER LIKE WATCHING WILBUR'S FIRST VIDEO AGAIN.

TLDR;

SBI CENTRIC ANIMATICS HAD A LASTING AFFECT ON THIS FANDOM AS IT'S HARD TO GO BACK AND ACTUALLY CHECK THE NARRATIVE FOR SOLID FACTS FOR YOUR OWN INTERPRETATION BASED ON THE FACT THAT THIS NARRATIVE SPANS OVER HUNDREDS OF HOURS WORTH OF TWITCH STREAMS.

#asks #anon #dream smp #dsmp #dsmp analysis #dream smp analysis #dsmp meta #dream smp meta #my analysis #long post

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apocalypticbadass · 4 years ago

Text

Sapphic Vampire Lovers (Smut)

A/N: Hey guysss it’s Alice smut time. Haven't been able to get the woman out of my head recently so here are my musings. You live with the Cullens and Alice is your girlfriend, but no one at school knows. You’re basically an adopted sibling so I might refer to the kiddos as your brother/sister. Also I’m not saying Alice can't see the future in this but like...lowkey...it’s hard as hell to write for her when she already knows everything lol.

Warnings: Smut, cursing, I think that’s it.

----

You sighed loudly as Mike Newton continued to prattle on about unimportant matters by your side. The bell signaled the beginning of class, and you feigned an apologetic look, which Mike believed wholeheartedly as he scurried to his seat. Poor boy. You turned to Emmett, your “brother” who sat next to you in Chem.

“He doesn’t give up, does he?” Emmett snickered.

You shook your head and sighed. “Oh shut it, Em.”

“You should just turn him away at this point. It’s going too far. Alice is starting to really notice.”

“Wait actually? She can’t possibly think I would ever pick Mike Newton over her.” You replied, getting quite nervous that Alice might be upset with you.

“I’m just sayin’. He’s always flirting with you, the last thing you want is for Alice to get the wrong idea.” “Yeah, you're right. Thanks Em.”

He smiled at you and ruffled your hair before you both turned towards the front to pay some attention to your teacher. You couldn’t sit still for the entirety of class, Emmett kept having to pull your hands out of your mouth to stop you from biting your nails or rest his hand on your knee to keep your leg from bouncing. The bell rang after a painfully long class, and all you wanted was to get out of there. It was the last period of the day, so you and Emmett grabbed your things and booked it out of class, he understood your desire to leave. What the both of you had missed while you were too busy worrying about your anxiety, was that Mike Newton had left class 10 minutes early with Eric Yorkie and Tyler Crowley. How Emmett’s incredible hearing and sight had missed that, you’ll never know. Or maybe he just thought it was unimportant. The rest of your family caught up with you, and Alice linked her arm in yours.

“Hi baby.” She said with a smile.

“Hi Ali.” You answered, nuzzling into her shoulder as you walked.

As you all got closer to the parking lot, Emmett gasped. “Oh my fucking God...”

“Oh Jesus, here we go.” Rosalie sighed.

Draped across the side of Mike’s minivan, made of canvas and paint, was a sign that read “(Y/N), will you go to prom with me?”

You stopped dead in your tracks.

This could not be happening.

No way was this happening.

You turned, horrified, to look at Alice’s face. She was staring straight ahead, jaw set, eyes unreadable. You softly disconnected your arms and rushed over to Mike, tears threatening to spill from your eyes.

He beamed as he saw your urgency. “So, what do you think?”

“Mike, take it down right now.” You pleaded. “I’m sorry but I won’t go to prom with you.”

His face fell as Eric and Tyler moved to take the sign down and save Mike a little bit of embarrassment.

“I’m sorry Mike, I have to go.”

“Yeah, no, it’s cool.” He said, rubbing the back of his head.

Your family was on your left and they were already getting into the car. Alice was at the back, and you grabbed her wrist while begging her to turn around and talk to you. “Alice, please, can we talk?”

“What is there to talk about?” She spat, venom in her voice. “Clearly you gave him a reason to think he should ask you. You’re very friendly, and I love that about you, but I think flirting with someone when you have a girlfriend is way too far.” “Alice you know I would never do that. You know how loyal I am to you, Mike could never hold a candle to you. I swear I’ve never flirted with him in my life, he’s just obsessed or something.” Your eyes shone with tears. “Please, baby. Trust me, not him. I swear on my life I only love you.”

You could see the slightest softening of her defensive exterior as your (y/e/c) eyes bore into her deep amber ones.

She stepped closer to you and sighed. “You’re right, I’m overreacting, I suppose. You haven’t given me any reason to believe that you’d flirt with him.” Alice placed her lips below your ear. “Unfortunately for you, you’ll have to pay for poor Mike’s mistake. I’ll have to remind you who you belong to, just incase you needed a refresher.”

Your breath caught in your throat, a blush creeping onto your cheeks since you knew that your family could hear you quite clearly from inside the car.

“I’ll meet you at home.” She said before turning on her heel to walk home, she’d be back before the rest of you.

You got in the car behind the passenger seat, head in your hands as Emmett laughed from the other side of the car. “What did I tell you?”

“Drop it, McCarty.” You glared at him.

“She’ll come around.” Jasper said, hand on your knee. “She’s not actually mad, just jealous that he can be so carefree with his feelings while you both have to hide yours.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Just sucks.” “At least you’ll get good sex out of it.” Rosalie said nonchalantly, looking at her nails, which she had painted last night.

“Get some!” Emmett cheered, which made you bust out laughing.

The car ride home was comfortably quiet, everyone else’s mind wandering to other things, Rosalie and Edward speaking to one another in a nearly inaudible tone.

Butterflies fluttered in your stomach when you pulled up to the Cullen house, met by Alice leaning against her Porsche, arms folded neatly across her chest. Jasper squeezed your shoulder in encouragement, feeling your nerves flow, and eased your anxiety as best as he could, one last time. Alice got in the car before you could get over to her, and just before she shut the door, she gave you a “come hither” motion. You opened the passenger door and sat carefully inside of the car, careful not to track in any mud.

“Hi.” You said softly as she began to drive.

“Hello.”

You fell into silence, zoning out while looking out the window, wondering where the hell you were going. You tried very hard not to let her know how nervous you were, but the attempt was futile because she could hear your erratic heartbeat.

“Where exactly are we going?” You managed to say, in a calmer voice than you thought you could muster.

“You’ll see. It’ll be fun.” She said lightly, tossing you a wink.

20 minutes later, Alice pulled into a hotel parking lot, probably the fanciest building you had ever seen. You knew you were in Seattle, but had never been to this secluded area with these fancy buildings. You felt severely underdressed, the both of you casual, but her level of fashion much higher than yours, her walk far more graceful. She gave the keys to the valet as they pulled luggage out of the trunk. Alice took one bag for herself and handed one to you. She kept her hand on the small of your back and led you through the massive glass doors, which were opened for you of course. The gorgeous decor of the lobby kept your gaze until Alice had signed you both in.

“Come on now, love.” Her voice was like melted honey.

Your gaze flipped to her and you followed her to the elevator, where she pushed the button for the top floor. Your eyes went wide as you remembered peering up to the peak of the building and how high it was. As you stepped out, there was one single door in front of you. Alice swiftly unlocked it and ushered you inside, bolting the lock shut immediately. As you walked around in awe, you felt yourself being whisked away, vision blurring as Alice ran you both into the bedroom, where she tossed you onto the silk duvet. Her dainty, but incredibly strong hands pushed your shoulders back onto the bed.

“What to do with you?” She pretended to think before pulling a pair of cuffs from behind her back.

You bit your lip as you felt butterflies down below. Your wrists were in one of her hands in a second, cuffed to the headboard before you could even blink. “Are you going to be good for me, darling?”

“Yes baby, I will.”

“Good.” She muttered into your ear, tearing your shirt off to suck on the exposed skin of your breasts. All you wanted to do was tangle your fingers into her short hair as she marked your body. Your wrists audibly struggled against your confines and you groaned. Alice laughed. She tore your bra off in a fluid motion, gently worrying one of your nipples between her teeth.

You sucked in a breath. “Ali, please. Wanna touch you.”

She swiftly flipped you onto your stomach. “No ma’am. Not allowed.”

She then pulled your pants and underwear off in one go, leaving you completely exposed. Alice slid a finger towards your clit, circling it slowly. You whined and squirmed, so she ripped all contact away from you. You felt her cool breath at your ear and her disapproving tsk. “I thought you said you were going to be good for me.”

“I’m sorry, I’ll be good. I promise.”

“You better.” She replied, swiftly inserting one finger into your vagina. You took a sharp breath through your nose, trying to keep still. She curled her finger into your g-spot at an incredible pace, causing you to take a mouthful of the bedsheets to keep yourself quiet. She was pleasantly surprised at how good you were being, so she added another finger, scissoring you open. It took absolutely everything in you to just stay still and quiet.

Once you felt stretched enough, she placed a kiss at the base of your spine and retracted all contact, flashing across the room to grab a bag. You were unable to see this, but her clothes were off in an instant, and she had fastened one of her many straps around her hips. She’d chosen your favorite attachment, a hot pink dildo that measured around 7.5 inches. She leaned down to whisper in your ear while allowing the toy to nestle into the cleft of your butt.

“You’re not even gonna remember Mike Newton’s name after this.”

With that comment, she slid the tip of the toy into your entrance, slowly pushing into you, stretching you all the way out. “You can make noise now, love.” She purred.

Immediately, a string of profanities left your mouth. “Holy fuck, baby, you feel so fucking good inside me.”

After a few moments, you felt her icy hips hit your butt, felt her lips sucking marks onto your shoulder blades. “Move please, baby.” You whined, trying not to struggle against her. She pulled out of you slowly, and entered you once more. Taking her time, Alice picked up a pace that made your toes curl, she hit your g-spot every single time.

“Jesus fuck, Ali, God you’re so good. Feels so good, so fucking good, babygirl.” You babbled on as she drilled you into the bed at an inhuman pace, hands tangled into your hair.

“You just needed a little reminder, didn’t you, doll? Just needed to remember who you belong to. Mike Newton could never fuck you this good.” She growled, nipping at your earlobe. You wanted to make a sarcastic remark, but your words couldn't get past the way Alice was making you feel. Your clit gained some friction as each thrust pushed your body into the mattress a little further.

“Alice I’m so fucking close babes, please don’t fucking stop.” You cried out, the inferno in your stomach threatening release.

“Come for me, love.”

With her words, you came hard, squirting all over the duvet, leaving it soaked. Alice pushed all the way into you and stilled for a moment, relishing. “You were so good for me, babygirl. So beautiful.” She praised, pulling out of you and flipping you over.

“Wanna taste you.” You whined. “Sit on my face.”

Alice smirked at you and quickly unfastened the strap before positioning her dripping pussy over your mouth, settling softly with a moan. She had remained untouched until now, so the contact was quite welcome. “Christ, babe. Your mouth feels so good.”

Your tongue explored her walls, licking every surface, nose bumping her clit every so often. She leaned back and placed her hands on your thighs, squeezing them softly to get a grip. You moved to her clit, lips wrapping around it and drawing it into your mouth, eliciting a sharp gasp from your lover. You fervently continued, fully putting your mouth to work.

“Please, gonna come.” She rasped out, just before coating your face with her slick. “Oh my God, (y/n), so incredible.” Alice moaned while you continued to suck on her, drawing out her orgasm. You gazed at her with doe eyes from between her legs before she got off of you, reaching for the key to unlock your cuffs. She rubbed your wrists to soothe them before nuzzling into your neck and tangling her legs into yours.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get over the way you taste.” You said after a few moments of silence.

Alice giggled. “I can absolutely say the same for you. That was amazing.”

“Totally. I love you. Sorry Mike asked me to prom.”

She let out a belly laugh, pulling you on top of her. “No need to apologize. I’m sorry for overreacting, quite dumb of me to be honest.”

“It upsets you that we can’t express our emotions for each other as freely as Mike can express his emotions for me.” “I just wish people could understand our love, understand that our gender is totally irrelevant.” She sighed, stroking your hips as she spoke. “I just love you so much and I wish I was able to show it in public without fear of something happening to you. God forbid anyone got violent.” “I know, baby, it’s really scary sometimes.” You cupped her face, stroking her cheekbone with one hand, combing through her hair with the other.

“I don’t want to say it, but you know what I’m thinking.” Alice whispered, expression growing serious.

“I’ve been thinking about it recently as well, I think we have to do it. Sometime soon, I want to be with you forever. We’ll set a date.”

Alice gave you a lopsided grin. “Can’t wait to be sapphic vampire lovers until the end of time.”

You laughed, leaning down to kiss her. “Oh hell yeah.”

#alice cullen #the cullens #alice cullen imagine #alice cullen x reader #alice cullen smut #alice cullen x reader smut #twilight #new moon #eclipse #breaking dawn #midnight sun #vampire #sapphic #lesbian

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shoichee · 4 years ago

Note

hiii tysm for keeping this fandom alive... i was wondering if i could request hugging hcs for Moriyama, Kasamatsu, and Hayakawa? like what kind of hugs do they give, when, etc.?

BANGER REQUEST THIS IS SUCH A UNIQUE ONE I LOVE THIS THANK YOU ANON.... i hope you’re still around :^)

[Headcanons]

Moriyama Yoshitaka

this guy is literally the definition of touch-starved LOL

once he finds his special someone, they’re gonna need to prepare themselves for TONS of verbal affection… even if they don’t get his convoluted words half the time

that being said, he wouldn’t be awkward with hugs, but it’s his misinterpretations and poor executions of the hugs that make things awkward

in his MIND, he THINKS he’s being mega suave and totally seducing you with his mannerisms, and you’re just here like, “umm… you know you can just… ask for a hug if you wanted one.”

“According to my research though, it’s better to approach this more poetically in order to be seen in a more profound light with the person you like.”

“Huh? Are you actually trusting the internet more than me about what I want—”

“Sorry, sorry, here,” he would mumble in defeat and immediately bring you to nestle your head against his chest

this type of interaction would be very frequent in the early stages of your shared relationship, where Moriyama would try to salvage his poor social skills by hugging you against body, and him putting his hand to cradle your head while the other is around your waist

of course, even if you were exasperated with him, you can’t help but eventually hug him back and snuggle closer

canon: he’d have unique scents on him every once in a while, because he’s someone to use scented deodorant sprays (like citrus, in the Replace novel)

he’d actually be unintentionally charismatic with his actions? like, if he doesn’t open his mouth and wordlessly hugs you, his body just knows how to accommodate you:

sad? happy? clingy? affectionate? lazy? when he sees your current mood, he just somehow knows what type of hugs to give you…

he thinks the internet advice is working, but in reality, he’s just inherently very in-tuned with people’s emotions; for example, he’s one of the few people who can see straight through Kasamatsu and his inner struggles, and he’s always the first person to suggest roundabout ways to make him relax

so because of this, sometimes he’d make the most confusing statements and random trivias he found from his “research” just to try to look for an opportunity to sneak up and glomp on you “tactfully” (never works, and you end up sighing that *sigh* before letting yourself be open on purpose for Moriyama to sneak in with a hug)

this dude is the type of guy who’d find every opportunity to hug you in front of his teammates to subtly show off how “experienced” he was in dating LOL and then he’d probably say something like, “If you follow the signs I told you guys about, you’ll all be able to have cute dates too, you know…” all while giving that little comical pout and index finger point at them… maybe flipping his bang to the side with that finger too…

but again, he’s touch-starved, so deep inside, he really, REALLY likes hugging you and wants to touch you every moment he gets

whenever he hugs you, he’s at his most “normal,” where he drops the whole “fate, elements, advice” talk and just has normal conversations and genuine muses… although a random corny line might slip out of habit

he hugs you before school, during school, after school, but rarely during practice or games or anything like that… which is surprisingly odd

he’ll hug you in front of his teammates during school no problem, but if it’s right before a practice or a game, he usually doesn’t, mostly because he’s usually very concentrated on the upcoming challenge… and not to mention, he’s a 3rd-year, so he does want to set a good example for the underclassmen in prioritizing the team first

he has no problem scouting for your face on the stands before a game starts though, and of course, he’d pester his team about how cute you looked in the stands

once games end, if you allowed him, he’d usually jog straight to you and would try to give you a quick hug before he’d go back to his teammates to the lockers

Kasamatsu Yukio

touch-starved guy #2, but is also afraid of physical contact

not because he doesn’t like it, but the concept of someone hugging him or him hugging someone for ROMANTIC reasons is so foreign

it’s the fact that he knows he’ll get super sweaty, clammy, and stiff and he KNOWS he’d focus on everything but also on nothing, and at that point he’ll just shut down—

so touch-starved that when he gets a hug from you, he’d be hyper-fixated on EVERYTHING about you and where you’re touching, and his brain would just overload

so the result is the same old Yukio being frozen and stammery and red

in other words, YOU have to initiate the hugs

whenever you hug him, he’s gonna first flinch and then respond by stiffly holding his arms out to support your weight against his body… and then after a few seconds of contact, he would awkwardly pat his two hands on your back in this loose hug he’s doing LOL

all while being red, of course

but how much he hugs depends on how much you go up to him for hugs; as much as he grumbles and stammers and lamely complains, he’d never reject any of your hugs, even with the hesitant reciprocation

if you two are alone, he’s much quicker to hug you back… if you hug him in public or in front of his teammates, he’s more likely to be frozen stiff and slower to pat your arms in a shy hug

however, the times when Kasamatsu would be at his lowest and most emotional are when Kasamatsu initiates the hugs first, often out of nowhere with fierce, tight holds while nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck/top of your shoulder

once he reveals his most vulnerable side like this to you in hugging you, it’d be huge milestone in which he would be more inclined to initiate physical contact without being in a flustered state

all in all, give the poor captain some time… eventually when you’ll reach a certain part of your relationship (see bullet points above), he’ll be comfortable enough to hug you without being a mess

so when he finally gets to this point, he will always ask you for consent (or at least give you a heads up) before he hugs you or physically touches you with, “May I…?” or “Do you mind…?”

and most of the time, or near always, you’d reply, “Of course, Yukio.”

“Th-That’s good…”

he’s still a reserved individual with a captain’s duty to uphold, so he’s not going to be handsy on his end in front of people; he’d literally DIE of embarrassment

expect “loose” hugs from him, he’s not gonna smush your face into his chest or give those extremely tight hugs, generally speaking

so what should you expect from his hugs? assuming that you hugged him first, his hands will always pat your back or rub soothing patterns of circles and swirls, almost in an unconscious effort to try to show you that he does love these hugs from you, even if it’s hard for him to show and express that sometimes

or if he has those shy moments, he’d try to half-heartedly pry you off in a grumbling fluster, but after grasping your arms around his waist, he’d immediately give in and just rub those familiar patterns on your upper arms while trying to convince you to wait until you’re alone with him to do these things

if he senses some sketchy people nearby or if you’re in a crowd full of strangers, expect a hand around your shoulder as he ushers you slightly closer to his side with a serious glint in his eyes, analyzing your surroundings (again, this will only happen once your relationship reaches at a later stage)

it’s only when the “danger” passes by and with his hand still on you that he realizes what he did and starts getting embarrassed again

key phrase with the Kaijō captain is: “There’s a time and place for everything.”

Hayakawa Mitsuhiro

touch-starved guy #3, but he’s not afraid to pounce on you for the hugs

ever since he miraculously got into a relationship with you (according to his teammates, anyways), slapping his own cheeks to get himself in the mood for rebounding wasn’t as appealing anymore

not when he has you to hug and accidentally squeeze the life out of you

“Oh!! A(l)e you he(l)e to chee(l) me on, (y/n)-san?!”

“M-Mitsu… I can’t… breathe—”

“O-Oh! So(l)(l)y…! I [will learn] to be mo(l)e ca(l)efu(r) next time!”

“Mitsuhiro, please don’t worry about me! Go back to your teammates… they’re waiting for you. Good luck on the game, okay?”

Hayakawa treats hugging like he does with basketball, putting 100% of his effort and enthusiasm into it… and oftentimes, his hugs can be too… explosive? they can be quite abrupt and intense

his energy alone would normally scare away everyone—hell, a lot of times, his teammates can’t tolerate it… so everyone always wonders how you never seem bothered by his tendencies

but to you, his bear hugs make you feel very, very secure and loved, since he never has qualms about hugging in public because he’s always focused on you or the courts

initially though, his hugs definitely crushed your figure into smithereens, mostly because he’s never had to keep his strength in check

and he’s never had anything close to an intimate relationship, so he’d probably need a lot of time and positive encouragement/advice for him to learn how to be more delicate (or rather, tactful) when initiating hugs

he’s SO earnest that he’d totally treat your words/encouragement as a serious lesson and would try to “practice” hugging and ask:

“Is this okay, (y/n)-san?!”

if you’re not around, he’d totally hug his teammates out of nowhere and definitely receive a few punches or kicks out of retaliation

“WHAT THE HELL?”

“I am p(l)acticing [how to] hug, Kasamatsu-senpai!”

“Don’t do that! People will get the wrong idea!!”

“Why? Don’t we a(r)ways p(l)actice togethe(l) as a team, captain?!”

“That’s completely different!!”

he has no tact, so whenever he sees you, expect a fierce hug as a greeting every time… unless you tell him that you’re not a fan of the constant hugging or want to save it for private moments, he’s gonna keep doing it

just as your hugs hype him up for anything upcoming, when you hug him a certain way, they also have a calming effect on this excitable boy too

Kasamatsu literally reveres you because you’re the only one who can keep him in check

it’s when you do your calming hugs (that gentle squeeze around his torso as you slowly nuzzle against him) that his heartbeat slightly slows down and his breath exhales out steadily to let out the pent-up steam

those types of hugs from your end would allow you to see a “less-energetic” side of him, where his voice might still be loud, but at least it’s still relatively indoor voice

still, a lot of his sentences are either incomprehensible mumbles or butchered exclaims, no in-between

“Sometimes, it’s good for your body and mind to stop and relax, y’know?”

“I-Is that so…! You a(l)e very knowled[geable] about these things! I [think] that is ve(l)y coo(r)…”

“You say that, but you’re one of the best offensive rebound players in the nation. That’s so much cooler, Mitsuhiro.”

“If I was coo(r) (r)ike you say, I wonde(l) why peop(r)e (l)un away [when I try] to ta(r)k? Mo(l)iyama-senpai says [it is because] I ‘have no cha(l)m’… I must wo(l)k ha(l)der [if that is the case]!”

“Well, I think your attitude and energy can be very refreshing. Everytime I see you, I can’t help but be motivated to work hard and accomplish like you do.”

“I am ve(l)y touched, (y/n)-san…!”

all in all, he will hug you every chance he gets (except when Kasamatsu roundhouse kicks him to curb him) and accepts all hugs from you (while being red and a little shy, but still enthusiastic)

prepare your waist/torso to be constantly crushed embraced, because that’s where his arms will always be around

#knb #kuroko no basket #knb x reader #kasamatsu yukio #kasamatsu x reader #kasamatsu yukio x reader #moriyama yoshitaka #moriyama x reader #moriyama yoshitaka x reader #hayakawa mitsuhiro #hayakawa x reader #hayakawa mitsuhiro x reader #kaijo #kaijo team #kaijo x reader #knb headcanons #knb headcanon #knb fic #knb fics

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retroellie · 4 years ago

Text

Joel Miller as a dad

Summary: Having Joel Miller as a dad

A/N: i got sad there towards the end so sorry about that. I also wrote in that you were dating ellie so enjoy<3

Warnings: TLOU2 spoilers, talk about death other than that its cute

Word count: 1.3K

-He tries really hard to be a good dad

-He’s been different ever since Sarah, it’s been hard but you try to be patient with him

-When Joel found out that he was gonna be having another kid he flipped out

-He couldn’t stop thinking you were gonna end up like Sarah and he couldn’t go through that again

-but when he saw you for the first time he knew would do anything just to keep you safe

-In Boston he’s not the most loving dad, he’s not mean he just doesn’t show you how much he loves you

-It’s tough love I guess

-He always tells you that you can do better and that your being too careless

-you don’t take it personally though, you don’t know much about Sarah but you know when she died it broke Joel

-Speaking of Sarah, it’s forbidden to talk about her. The only reason you know about her is from tommy

-When you guys settled in Jackson he became more loving in a way

-He would always come up and tell you goodnight, when you were asleep he would kiss your forehead and whisper “goodnight baby girl”

-He calls you baby girl

-Jackson is when he opened up about Sarah a little more, telling you that you are very much like her or she would like you

-“You know Sarah always wanted a little sister. I reckon you two would’ve done just fine together”

-You had bad nightmares sometimes so if you woke up screaming out for Joel or you decided to walk into his room to wake him up, he would always let you cuddle up next to him

-You guys would always poke fun at each other, it was just father/daughter fun

-“Dad, I can't jump up that high”

-“well stop being so short, shorty”

-“Well stop being so old and maybe you could pull me up.”

-Joel was a pro when it came to periods, he knows it’s natural and he’s been around a few women in his life so he knows about it

-when you come crying to him about it he knows exactly what to do

-You are always trying to set him up with women, you even tried to get him to go on a date with the daycare teacher

-“Come on dad. Why not?? She’s so sweet, I wouldn’t mind her as a step mom.”

-“Because a hormonal teenager with a bad sense of humor is enough, I don’t think I can handle another woman right now.”

-You obviously know how to play guitar, I mean your Joel miller’s kid

-you guys always play together on the front porch, sipping on coffee as you watch the sunset

-you guys had movies nights, father/daughter dinners, he would even take you places outside of Jackson sometimes

-He just likes spending time with you, mostly because he feels bad that he wasn’t such a great dad in Boston. He regrets Boston in many aspects but that one he regrets the most

-also he fears something bad will happen to either you or him so he wants to get in as much time as he possibly can with you

-Okay but like having tommy as an uncle would be so fun

-And since Joel looks at Ellie as a daughter, you’re best friends with her, maybe eventually even dating her??

(this is kinda a whole other headcanon lol)

-Joel is super supportive of you and Ellie’s relationship, he trusts ellie a lot and he trusts that you know what’s good for you

-When you came out to him it was tough for you and even tougher for him to understand it

-”Dad.... I’m Gay/bi(or whatever your preference is<3)”

-It took him a bit to take in what you just said

-He didn’t really understand it, it was different back in his time

-But he knew he loved you and wanted you to be happy

-”I kinda had a feeling.. but it’s okay. You’ll always be my baby girl.”

-You just bawled your eyes, it was honestly the first time you came to terms with yourself

-He knew how much of a relief this was for you, he knows how much it hurts to hide yourself for so long

-He just pulled you into a hug, rubbing circles on your back while you bawled your eyes out

-”At least i know you won’t be getting pregnant any time soon.”

-You couldn’t help but laugh at his stupid jokes

-If anyone dared to say some shit about it, he would be ready to beat the fuck out of someone

-You, ellie and him would have dinners together, you and ellie would hold hands and share small glances at each other

-He would see that and he would try to hide his huge grin, HE HAS A EYE FOR LOVE AND MAMA YALL ARE SO IN LOVE HE CAN’T

(anyways i’m getting off track back to daddy joel)

-Joel’s not much of a dancer but he taught you how to slow dance

-You two would be in the living room with some old country song and he would be teaching you the steps

-”You never know when this will come in handy, what if you date a person who likes to dance huh? you can tell them your daddy taught you the basics.”

-At the dances you would just stand at the bar with him, not having any interests with any of the people there

-Eventually he would pull you onto the dance floor just to show off your dance moves . You two could look like idiots together

- He taught you a lot, he taught you how to wood carve, how to shoot a gun and even how to pick a lock

-You two shared a love for music so yall would have long talks about old music

-You were really close with him, i mean your mom died so he was all you had. He was a single parent raising a teenage girl so he was really protective of you

-He wrote a whole song for you, future days?? yeah that was for you (for the headcanon lets just say he wrote it shush)

-There was a time were you felt down, about life and about yourself

-You were questioning everything, you weren't the same and his fatherly instinct could tell something was up

-So over a nice cup of coffee you opened up to him, telling him how you don’t get the point of this sad life. How you feel nothing mattered

-He was taken back, it wasn’t like you too be like this. He saw you go through tough times but it was never like it. you weren’t yourself

-”You know, i’ve struggled to survive for so long even before the outbreak. but you have to keep finding something to fight for, look at the bigger picture. You are here, with me. You're alive with a roof over your head, obviously there is a plan for you. You are smart and kind, I know it because I raised you that way. You will find your purpose eventually and i know that doesn’t help the feeling go away but i hope it will bring you some kind of peace.”

-It did bring you peace, it felt nice to hear it especially from him

-When he died, your world fell apart.

-There was no more singing, no more dancing, and no more kisses good night... it was just nothing

-You slept in his bed for months straight, you wore his clothes, you even drank out of his coffee cup

-It seemed like you were never going to recover, your world had stopped.

-”You have to keep finding something to fight for.”

-You never did recover from it, but you slowly but surely picked yourself up

-You always brought new flowers to his grave, all his favorite kind too

-You settled down in a farmhouse with ellie, you littered it with things to honor and remind you of your dad

-He raised you well, he raised you to be tough and smart but he always taught you how to be loving and kind to people

-He was so proud of you for growing up to be a lovely woman and where he was now, he would always love you

!Credit to Gif owner!

#Joel Miller #joel miller x reader #Ellie Williams #ellie williams x reader #tlou joel #the last of us x reader #the last of us #the last of us fanfiction

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thebigqueer · 3 years ago

Text

"Broken Internally." - Nico di Angelo

Summary: Nico meets Eros for the first time in his dreams.

TW: Blood (lots of it), Gore, Internalized Homophobia.

Notes: This was inspired (again lol) by this art by @rottingold

Word Count: 2840

Read on AO3

Nothingness.

Nico suffocates in the empty enclosure. His heart echoes with fear and anxiety as he faces the looming darkness before him. Nico knows this is just a dream, but that doesn’t quell the anxiety that roils in his stomach. It feels too real to be a dream. And, compared to other dreams he’s had, there’s something more dangerous lurking in this one. A sharp chill rings against his skin as he waits for something to happen.

“Hello?” he calls, his voice meek and small in the emptiness. “Is- Is anyone there?”

For a moment, only his words echo back. They ring in his ears, thrum in his head, and after a few seconds, the sound of his own voice becomes too overwhelming. A dull ache erupts at the back of his mind and he stumbles to his knees. His fingers grapple for the sides of his head, if only to ease the pain, but it does nothing to soothe him.

“Please,” he whispers desperately, “make this stop.”

After another moment, the ringing stops. Nico’s chest heaves as he tries to calm the lingering pain.

Then a sudden brightness erupts across his vision. Nico’s eyes burn at the rapid change, and he blinks quickly to try to adjust to the light. As his sight clears, Nico reaches for the sword at his side. His skin burns with anticipation. Straightening himself, he demands, “Where am I? Who’s here?”

No body shimmers to life; no voice illuminates itself. Nevertheless, Nico senses the tingle of life in his core. He feels a presence lingering somewhere around him, lurking in the darkness.

“Invisible?” he murmurs. “That’s alright. I know you’re there.”

Because he doesn’t expect anyone to answer, surprise shocks his spine when a deep, resonating voice says in amusement, “Awfully confident in yourself for a thirteen-year-old boy, aren’t you?”

Nico whips his sword out in front of him and holds it threateningly. A grimace stretches against his lips. “Who are you? Show yourself!”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that,” the voice says. “Not yet, at least. It’s a tad too early for that.”

“Or are you just afraid of showing yourself?” hisses Nico. “Alright, coward. I can fight you even if I can’t see you.”

A deep, amused laugh bounces in the whiteness. At the sound of it, Nico’s skin prickles with rage and humiliation. How dare this voice mock him? Doesn’t it know who he is? Doesn’t it know that he could kill him?

“Oh, child,” the voice purrs, “are you always so defensive? Not every problem can be solved by fighting.”

“Then what do you want with me?” demands Nico. “Why am I here?” Despite still being anxious, the demigod lowers his sword. The scowl against his features stays fixated, though.

“Calm yourself, child of Hades,” murmurs the voice. At the sound of its words, the anxiety in Nico’s blood simmers down; a new coolness pours over him, and his eyes turn heavy-lidded. His scowl turns slack. “I’m only here to talk. No need to get worked up.”

Underneath his skin, anxious energy thurms and boils in Nico’s blood, but the sound of the voice suppresses his excitement. “Talk,” he agrees dazedly.

Though he can’t see the owner of the voice, Nico can still sense the flickering smile as it speaks once more. “I have not met someone as emotional as you in a long while,” the voice notes. “It has been a while since a mortal has attracted me with such attention.”

Nico wants to ask what it means, but when he opens his mouth to speak, only silence puffs out of his chest. He stands alone and silenced in the brightness, awaiting the presence’s next words in anticipation.

“You are an interesting case, di Angelo,” hums the voice. “So full of hatred. So full of misery. Have you met Akhlys yet? She would love you.”

“Who is Akhlys?” asks Nico, whose voice has somehow returned.

The voice laughs softly. “Oh, well, I’m sure you’ll find out soon enough. But that’s unimportant right now. There’s something else I want to show you.”

A fleeting sensation overcomes Nico. His chest expands and turns icy cold as a rush of air flows in. Then, suddenly, all that oxygen cuts itself off. Something falls from his chest and slips through the thin air. Panic washes over him as he realizes something’s wrong.

He isn’t breathing. But, somehow, he’s still alive.

Nico’s hand grasps for his chest as bursts of anxiety pour over him. An empty, cold sensation billows in his chest, and he can’t help but to feel as though something has been stolen from him internally.

But he is solid. His shirt stands out in the overwhelming brightness, absorbing all the light and turning into a color darker than black - darker than even Hades’ soul.

When he looks down, though, that’s when he discovers what’s wrong.

Before him floats a red, pulsing ball. Blue and purplish-red stems hang from either side of it. For a moment, Nico swims in confusion at the sight of it. What is it?

His stomach flips over on itself when he understands.

This is no ball. This is no toy.

Nico opens his mouth to say something, but with the lack of air and his own disgust overwhelming his senses, the demigod stands there choking on his silence.

The invisible being chuckles. When it speaks once more, Nico notes the amusement still lingering, but there’s a colder, sharper ring to it. Something cruel lurks within the voice.

“Your heart,” it murmurs, almost hungrily. “That is your heart.”

Goosebumps prickle against Nico’s pale skin. Tears sting his eyes as he continues to gape at the organ in front of him.

How? he mouths. His hand grapples with his T-shirt and he tugs it away from his body. When he looks inside, pale skin gleams up at him - as well as a hole right where his heart should be. The gap in his chest seethes with hot, smoking anger.

He holds a hand over his mouth in shock and disgust. Nico’s eyes spark with fear, roil with darkness, gleam with trepidation. For the first time since he’s found himself here, pure terror envelops him.

What do you want from me? he mouths. A tear blooms in the corner of his eye and trails over his pale cheek, creating a sparkling crevice against his porcelain face. He looks like an old china doll, the kind that has seen centuries of abuse and neglect in the shadows of an attic. No longer worth anything, no longer beautiful. Only a souvenir of the past.

Though the voice remains invisible and outside of Nico’s grasp, he can still sense its merriment at the demigod’s confusion when it speaks again. “I am merely here to open your eyes, my child,” it purrs. “You are writhing in your own hatred. It’s time you face the source of that hatred.”

Silence spills into the space between Nico and the presence. Anticipation sparks against the son of Hades’ skin and scorches his throat, and he wants nothing more than to fall to his knees and let this misery end. But, by some miracle, he’s still standing upright. Perhaps the presence is keeping him up with some power. If that’s the case, Nico wishes it would stop. He just wants to spill to the white ground and lay there forever. He wants to cower in this eternal brightness, away from all that pains him.

Suddenly the whiteness around him dissipates. A wave of turquoise filters around the enclosure like water bleeding into paper, and Nico stares up in awe at the beautiful color bursting around him.

As the familiar sea-green hue bleeds into the overwhelming brightness, Nico’s body goes slack. He still stands upright, but a certain daze overwhelms his senses. The scent of salty air infiltrates his nostrils, and his blood slows its pace underneath his skin. Nico’s mind wanders higher and higher, floating above some pool of water in his head, and a new intoxication comes over him. His eyes glaze over as he gives himself up to the high sensation.

It takes a moment for him to realize why that sea-green color looks so familiar.

It’s Percy’s eye.

Percy.

The heart before Nico pulses quickly, and a harsh red color bursts across his face. Hot anger rises up his throat but, as the scene around him begins to shift again, he finds that he doesn’t want to act on this rage.

Why is this happening? he wonders. What is the point of all this?

The heart pulses again, almost insistently, as if it’s waiting for Nico to come to a realization.

And deep inside, Nico knows what it’s trying to say. But he doesn’t want to admit the truth that’s eating at him. He doesn’t want to face it.

The blue-green color dissipates, and seconds later, a new scene forms before Nico’s eyes. A slow-motion movie plays across his vision of Percy, his face determined and stony, his gorgeous eyes storming with an angry energy. The demigod’s sword slashes across a row of enemy soldiers - Skeletons, Nico realizes in shock, just like the ones we fought a few hours ago. - and with each enemy down, Percy’s skin seethes with an even stronger, even more resentful energy.

He’s an angry storm, wreaking havoc amongst those who have wronged him. He’s a beautiful tornado, whirling destruction over each path he crosses.

He’s a gorgeous disaster.

Though Nico can’t breathe, his heart twitches as if he’s just gasped.

The scene dissipates again, and one more slips into place. This one is even more astonishing, even more beautiful than the one before.

Percy’s dozing in a dark room, his body slack against the black wall. Nico recognizes it as the dungeon his father forced him into just hours ago. Guilt seizes Nico’s chest like a vice at the sight of him so weary and exhausted.

My fault, he scolds himself. It’s my fault he was like this. I betrayed his trust.

Even in the darkness, Percy’s skin glows with some kind of comforting warmth. He’s breathing and alive, beautifying all that’s around him. His chest rises up and down as he sleeps. Percy’s beautiful lips part as puffs of breath escape his chest. Dark hair whispers against his eyebrows, brushes against his eyes, but he doesn’t wake up.

Nico’s heart pulses again, but this time more painfully. An angry, yearning sensation stabs the child of Hades in the chest, and, without meaning to, he extends his arm. His pale fingers brush against the other boy’s face, and for a fleeting second, Nico almost believes he can touch Percy without shame.

But the image simply ripples where the demigod brushes his face, and with a shocking realization - as well as an angry burst of embarrassment - Nico understands that he can’t touch Percy. He can’t reach him.

The scene dissolves, and Nico bleeds into the overwhelming darkness. Salty tears sting his eyes and sizzle against his pale skin. His entire body shakes with desperation and devastation, humiliation and adoration.

Percy Jackson. Beautiful, disastrous, torturous Percy Jackson.

A painful sob builds up in his chest, but Nico knows he can’t let it out. He can’t even breathe, much less allow his grief out into the open.

Silence floods through his surroundings. His heart continues pulsing, quicker and quicker with every second that passes, mimicking his fear and desperation.

Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom.

It’s a mesmerizing scene. Nico’s never seen a heart thud so quickly before. In fact, he’s never even seen a heart so naked in front of him.

It’s disgusting. But there’s a certain beauty in it, too. It’s amazing how such an organ can shift to one’s mood so quickly.

A painful curiousness comes over him, and once again, he extends his arm out. His gentle, shaking fingertips brush against the heart. Nico jumps back at first, disgust roiling in his stomach at the contact, but, as another stroke of curiosity drowns over him, he reaches out again.

Slowly, tentatively, his soft fingers brush against the pink and red muscle. In the comfort of his cool palm, the heart continues pulsing and beating, almost as though it feels at home in Nico’s gentle embrace. A cool sensation overwhelms his system at the contact. He tightens his grip on the beating heart.

Nico has never been so close to himself before. And, honestly, it’s frightening seeing himself so naked.

The presence’s voice resonates in the emptiness again. “Well,” it murmurs, “that was interesting, wasn’t it?”

Nico says nothing. He simply stares at the muscle in his hand, which thuds against his sleeve.

“At last, you understand what I am trying to show you,” the voice continues when Nico offers no response. “Now it is time to admit it.”

Nico shakes his head. Fear trickles down his spine, chilling him down to his core. Desperation sparks in his dark, misery-filled eyes.

Don’t make me do it, he wants to say. Nico’s stomach roils at the very thought of admitting to such a confession.

“Scared?” the voice asks. “Don’t be, my child. I will help you.” Though no footsteps echo, Nico realizes the presence has lingered closer to him. A malicious aura surrounds the invisible figure as it comes closer.

“Percy Jackson,” it whispers softly. “You hate him, is that what you think?”

Nico nods, swallowing thickly.

“But, my child, you are mistaken,” the voice insists. “It is not that you hate him. No, in fact, you hate how he makes you feel.”

Nico’s lips tremble as a broken sob tries - and fails - to escape him. His body quakes as though the world around him is falling apart. Nico’s fingers press the heart tighter, if only to find something to hold on to in the destruction of his dignity.

The voice makes a disapproving cluck. “You are still holding back. Listen to me, child of Hades,” it says desperately. “The only way to move on is by admitting to your feelings first. Confess, child of Hades. Admit that you are attracted to Percy Jackson.”

Nico presses his other hand against his pale, feverish face. More tears slip through the cracks between his fingers, and his eyes bloom with hot pain.

He can’t do this. He can’t be here.

The voice speaks again, this time harsher, colder, more persistent. “Nico di Angelo, you are only subjecting yourself to more pain.” The heart in Nico’s grasp lingers closer to him, pulsing brighter and hotter in his grip. Under a control that isn’t his, the son of Hades’ fingers tighten their hold over it.

“It is up to you,” warns the voice, its tone eerily dangerous. “Either you mend your heart through my help, or you break it with your own hatred. What do you choose?”

Nico gazes at the general direction of the voice. His mind seethes with anger, with grief, with humiliation and chaos. A cacophony of voices swim across his mind, voices of people he’s loved, people’s hated, people who he has no memory of. He’s a ticking bomb, ready to destroy all that is in his path; he’s a ball of chaos, prepared to melt anyone into a puddle of insanity.

He knows he can’t see the presence. But, as his fingers tighten their control over his beating muscle, he hopes his eyes meet the invisible figure.

For a moment, all is silent. Only the sound of the thudding heart echoes in the emptiness.

Nico’s fingers press into the organ. Despite the fact that the heart is no longer in his chest, he somehow still feels the hot pain. The torturous sensation encompasses him, shocks his fingers, travels up his arms. Hot tears continue pressing against his eyes, but there’s something strange about these tears - they have a thicker consistency, a metallic scent.

They aren’t tears at all. They are tracks of blood, blooming from his eyes and traveling down his skin. The red tears trail down his cheeks, leaving cracks of crimson along his porcelain face, and drip down to his chin. A bead of red explodes over the ground.

Bleeding internally. Broken internally.

Nico’s vision swims in red. Something warm oozes from the hole in his chest, and he realizes it’s more blood. His shirt blooms with sticky warmth.

“Do not do this,” urges the voice. “You are only making the process harder.”

Nico’s teeth sink into his bottom lip as his fingers press harder, harder, until they dig into the inside of the muscle. His fingers jab through; warmth seeps through his nails. Nico’s chest aches in sympathy as the pressure envelopes him.

The voice sighs. Then it laughs coldly, murmuring, “You will not hear the last of me, my child.” The air shifts; a cold draft slithers against Nico’s back. After a moment of silence, the voice breathes in his ear, “I am Eros, the god of love. I will see you again, and next time, I will not be as lenient.”

The heart bursts.

Nico jolts awake.

#mmmm i dont know how much i like this but i was really excited to write it so. here you go #my writing #nico di angelo #riordanverse #rick riordan #nico di angelo fanfic #nico di angelo fic #trials of apollo #toa #heroes of olympus #hoo #pjo #percy jackson and the olympians #riordanverse fanfic #riordanverse fic

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