#At age 11 my 9 year old kid cut her finger pretty bad and I made her walk to the neighbor's house alone in the rain

[samssupernaturalpussy]

Dean Fans: omg Dean took such good care of Sammy like he made him food why is Sam such a bitch

Dean in reality:

[buckybeardreams]

Unwanted

Chapters: 9/11

Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

Characters: Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Brock Rumlow, James "Bucky" Barnes, Clint Barton, Harley Keener

Additional Tags: Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alpha Steve Rogers, Omega Tony Stark, Service Top, Dominant Bottom, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Virgin Steve Rogers, Brock Rumlow is a Good Bro, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Romantic Soulmates, First Meetings, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sappy, Romantic Fluff, Awkwardness, Drinking to Cope, Self-Worth Issues, Insecure Tony Stark, Insecure Steve Rogers, Age Difference, Harley Keener is Tony Stark's Biological Child, Bonding, Claiming Bites, Claiming, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mpreg, Non-Explicit Sex, Light Dom/sub, Mutual Masturbation, Coming Untouched, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Wordcount: 10.000-30.000, Knotting

Series: Part 1 of Second Chances

Summary:

Steve is a soft Alpha and Tony is an in charge kind of Omega with no desire to find a mate. He doesn't want to find his soulmate and when he does meet Steve he's determined to stay away from him. 

That is until he realizes just how right they are for each other.

Ch 1 Ch 2 Ch 3 Ch 4 Ch 5 Ch 6 Ch 7 Ch 8 Ch 9 Ch 10 Ch 11

Can also be read here

Words: 1,612

"You're not unhappy that we bonded, right?"

Tony rolled his eyes.

"If I was I wouldn't be curled up in bed right now after letting you fuck my brains out."

Steve smirked.

"I think you were the one doing the fucking. I just laid there while you rode me."

"Yeah, but next time I'm gonna make you do all the work and I'm just gonna lay there and be the pillow princess. Let my Alpha take care of me," Tony said, his fingers trailing down Steve's chest and a sultry pout on his lips. "You'd do that for me, wouldn't you, Alpha?"

"You know I'd do anything to please you, baby."

"I know, because you're such a good boy," Tony murmured, kissing him. "Mm, as much as I'd love to stick around and let you fuck me on every surface in your apartment, I really have to get going or I'm gonna be late."

"I'll drive you," Steve offered.

"You're sweet, but no, I'm good. If I take you with me I'm just gonna end up fucking you in the break room and then the manager is gonna be an asshole about it."

Steve growled.

"I hate that guy more every time you talk about him."

Tony hummed, kissing him again.

"Yeah, well, I think most bosses disapprove of fucking in the employee's room. Even the not asshole ones.

"No, I don't mean that. We definitely can't do that, no matter how much I like the idea of you bossing me around at your work. I just think this Obie guy sounds like the worst and every time I've run into him just confirms that."

Tony didn't even try to disagree with that assessment.

"Like last week when he gave you shit for having to leave early because of your heat. There are laws in place to protect Omegas from being forced to work while in heat, but you practically had to beg him for the days off and then apologize for not being able to work and he still gave you shit about it. Then he had the audacity to act like he had done you some great favor and made you work extra shifts to make up for it. He didn't even pay you overtime, even though he made you work like sixty hours."

"Hey, hey, calm down. You're getting yourself all worked up about it and I don't want that. I appreciate your concern, I really do, and I love that you're so protective. Which is honestly something I never thought I'd say, but you need to take a deep breath. I've got it all under control."

Steve tried to take a deep breath, tried to calm down like his Omega told him to, but it didn't do much to alleviate his anger.

"I know, I'm sorry. I just wish you didn't have to deal with him."

"Well, I won't have to for much longer."

Steve frowned.

"What do you mean?"

Tony shifted on his lap, looking down at his lap nervously.

"Well, I was actually gonna tell you about this, but we've just been so caught up in our own little bubble and I didn't want to burst it by bringing up legal stuff. Besides, I almost forgot about it with all the newly mated hormones rushing through me," Tony rambled.

"Tony, love, just tell me."

"We tried to get Obie fired, but the owner, Alexander Pierce, was backing him, so we're taking him to court. They've been doing a whole bunch of shady stuff that's totally illegal, from paying people off to pass inspections and dealing drugs out back in the alley, to denying us health insurance, making us work overtime but not paying us overtime, and usually they make the Omegas work during heat. I think Obie only gave in this time, because he thought you might beat his ass if he called me in for work."

There was an amused smile on Tony's face, but he was looking at Steve, worried about his reaction. Steve was furious, but not at Tony. He knew that Obie was an asshole, but he had no idea just how bad it really was.

"Baby, I'm so sorry. I had no idea. I shouldn't have let you work for a guy like that. I'm your Alpha. I should have protected you, provided for you so you didn't have to work-"

"Hey, no, stop," Tony told him. "I love you so much, Alpha, but I don't want that. This was my battle to fight and I wasn't about to let you take that away from me. I've been dealing with this bullshit for years and now I'm finally changing things. You have to let me do this."

Steve felt awed by his little Omega. So much strength wrapped up in such a small little package it was unbelievable, and to think he was all Steve's. Steve kissed him, hard and lingering.

"I would never take that away from you, Tony. I wouldn't dream of doing something like that, pretty Omega."

A shy smile crept onto Tony's face and his cheeks turned pink.

"Thank you, Alpha. That means a lot, and I mean, there's no guarantee that the next person who buys the place will be any better than Pierce, or that they will hire us all on again. There's really no guarantee anybody will buy the place anytime soon. Realistically, it'll probably be bulldozed and turned into a parking lot for the diner next door or something like that. We all know that we're probably gonna lose our jobs, but it's worth it to do the right thing and put Pierce behind bars."

Steve nodded, licking his lips and considering how to say what he wanted to say in a way that wouldn't offend Tony.

"You know that I think you're so strong and I'm so proud of you for doing this, right?"

Tony bit his lip, nodding uncertainly.

He wasn't sure where Steve was going with this.

"I think it's amazing that you're gonna do this and that you want to do this and I'll support you in this in any way that I can," Steve told him earnestly. "I know that this is your fight, Tony, and I would never take that away from you, but if you'll let me, I'd love to fight alongside you."

Tony broke out in a grin, wrapping his arms around Steve's neck.

"Yes! Oh my God, yes!" Tony squealed. "Fuck, you scared me there. I thought you were gonna say something awful, but I should have known you'd just say something charming and perfect."

Steve blushed, but he was grinning too.

"Right, well, you see, the thing is Tony that I have a lot of money-"

Tony pulled back, raising a brow at him.

" You have a lot of money. You , the eighteen year old artist and former virgin until I seduced your ass Alpha, has a lot of money?" Tony asked him, clearly amused and not believing him one bit. "Tell me, pretty boy, what do you consider a lot of money? The twenty dollar allowance your mommy gives every Saturday?"

Steve glared at him, but there wasn't any heat in it. If anything he was just really embarrassed and really turned on.

"Sam helped me out a lot when I was a kid. He helped me turn my life around and he helped get my art into some galleries. He's got this friend, an ex of his, Pepper Potts. She's like a brilliant business woman and she runs her own company, but she also has a few major art galleries where she displays art from some of the most prominent artists in the states. I'm talking big shots, well known artists that make hundreds of thousands of dollars selling one painting."

Tony was just staring at him, like he was having a hard time figuring out if this was just some elaborate joke or not.

"Steve... what are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying that she saw some of my work, loved it, and put it up in her galleries. I've only sold a handful, but I've made a lot of money. Your bar is not that great, no offense, and I don't really spend much of my money other than for, like, rent and groceries, so there's a lot of it just sitting around. We could probably just buy the bar. That is if you want to be an owner of a bar."

Steve swallowed hard and fidgeted nervously with the bottom of Tony's shirt when he didn't respond. Tony was just shocked and pretty sure he was dreaming.

"I'm sorry, what? You're joking, right?" Tony said in disbelief. "Are you telling me that you have hundreds of thousands of dollars just lying around?"

Steve squirmed under Tony.

"I mean, not literally. It's all in the bank. Most of it's in my savings account since it earns more interest that way-"

"Shut up, I don't care about that," Tony said, cutting off his nervous rambling. "Are you for real? You have that kind of money and you'd be willing to let me buy a bar with it?"

Steve bit his lip.

"Yeah, I mean, Tony, I'd do anything for you. So if you want a bar then I'll buy you a bar. It's no big deal."

"No big deal? It's a huge deal!"

Steve wasn't sure if he was upset or excited, but then Tony was wrapping his arms around his neck and kissing him.

"Fuck, I love you so much. You know that, right?" Tony groaned against his lips.

Steve nodded, whimpering into his mouth when Tony kissed him again.

[curiosity-killed]

a bow for the bad decisions

canon-divergent AU from ep. 24 (on ao3)

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9 | part 10 | part 11 | part 12 | part 13 | part 14 | part 15 | part 16 | part 17 | part 18

“Take a-Yuan and go get food,” Wen Qing orders, plucking up his hand and pushing the money pouch into it. “Clear your head.” There’s a moment where he’s still half in that shade-thin realm, fingers still interlaced with black threads, and her voice comes from too far away and too close at once. Disoriented, he shakes his head and pulls back from her touch. “I— what? No, I’m in the middle of—” he interjects “Your control is getting worse,” she says evenly. “Leave the seal and get some fresh air.” She raises a hand, fixing him with a warning look, and he subsides with a twist of irritation. Underneath her cool disapproval, there’s genuine worry, and his stomach coils at the sight of it. He looks away. “It’s not like I can just stop trying,” he protests, sullen. He has to do this, has to figure it out. There will come a day when he can’t control the Seal anymore, and it has to be destroyed before that day dawns.

“You can take breaks,” she retorts. “You’re not going to get anywhere by wearing yourself to the bone, Wei Wuxian.”

He rubs the knuckle of his thumb against his forehead in frustration. It would be easier to brush her off if she weren’t right, if she didn’t insist on checking up on him every two days, dragging him away from projects, making him eat and sleep and meditate. “I don’t know why you bother anyway,” he mutters. “Because I’m not letting you die for my family,” she snaps. Silence settles like a qin string snapping. He lowers his hand slowly to his lap, head still bowed. He can’t bring himself to lift his gaze, not when he hears her give a shuddering exhale. “Anyway, you’d be an intolerable ghost,” she spits, as if her voice isn’t thick and wet. “You’d just — just keep on working on your projects because you wouldn’t need to sleep or eat anymore and you’d teach a-Yuan terrible habits.” “Hey, he’s been trying to meditate along with me,” he protests weakly. It’s meant to be an apology, a little reassurance. When he looks up to her, there are tears along her waterline, and her jaw is shifted to one side as if to hold them back. Her arms are crossed, hands pinned tight against her ribs. His shoulders slump. He’s trying. He is. He lets a-Yuan drag him out into the sunlight, and he makes sure to talk to the Wen remnants sometimes. He eats most days and he meditates every day even if he can’t sleep. He’s doing everything Wen Qing tells him to try to keep it at bay. He doesn’t want to die. It’s just — it’s just that he’s so tired. He’s exhausted in a way sleep can’t fix, worn down to the thinnest threads. They know how this ends. Either he keeps using the Seal and it slowly devours him from within, gnawing away his soul and self until he is the demon they whispered about in the war, or he destroys it and the resentment holding his shattered body together snaps with it, tearing him apart. There’s no way he walks away from this. He knew the deal he made when he was first dropped in here, when he gave himself over to the yin iron sword so that he could last long enough to protect his family, to fulfill his promise to Madam Yu. He’s tired of fighting the inevitable. “Alright,” he says, sighs. “I’ll take a-Yuan to town.” “Good,” she says stiffly. “Take some responsibility for your son.” Laughing softly, he rubs the back of his neck as he unfolds himself and stands. He wants to apologize, wants to make up for the hurt clear in her tight shoulders, but he doesn’t know what he’d even be apologizing for. For the Seal? For saving his own life in a way that left him irrevocably damned? He doesn’t regret any of it and she wouldn’t accept an apology for it anyway. He bounces the money pouch in his palm once and gives her a grin instead. It works well enough; she rolls her eyes and follows him out of the cave. A-Yuan’s easy to spot and easier to swing up onto his hip, all delighted cheers. He clings to Wei Wuxian’s robe, babbling about how his friend lion is having a dispute with the neighboring frogs. Wei Wuxian listens attentively, raising his eyebrows in appropriate surprise at the frogs’ dastardly stubbornness and humming thoughtfully when a-Yuan decides his lion should play Chenqing to persuade them. At this point, he’s still a little surprised that Chenqing doesn’t have any scars from a-Yuan’s affections. There are more wards and spells inlaid in the flute than Wei Wuxian has placed on anything else, but he’s pretty sure he didn’t write any against toddler teeth back when he was here the first time. She doesn’t seem to mind the abuse, as far as he can tell. It’s not like she can speak or anything, but she purrs in something like amusement whenever he reaches out while a-Yuan’s fiddling with her. He’d been worried, at first, that the resentment would hurt the kid, but so far as he can tell, the dizi is almost perfectly inert in a-Yuan’s hands. He’s already decided to leave Suibian to him, but he’s not sure about Chenqing yet. He’s never had a chance to see if spiritual energy can be used with her, and he doesn’t want to curse a-Yuan with demonic cultivation instead. The market’s busy today, bustling with crowds picking up food and running errands. “Stay with Xian-gege, okay?” he tells a-Yuan, firm. “Hold onto me.” A-Yuan nods solemnly, dark eyes big in his face. Wei Wuxian grins and squeezes his cheek, helpless. He’s just too cute, like a hibiscus unfurling in the ash. He deserves better than this, better than the brittle bone-shard life they’re carving here. Even if the Nie sect agrees to take in the Wens, there’s no chance a-Yuan will be allowed to train in cultivation the way he deserves. He’s nagging a vendor’s prices down when he realizes he can’t feel a-Yuan’s hand tugging on his robes. Yunmeng Jiang has been quietly sending an allowance to help support their fragile settlement, which Wen Qing doles out. It’s for the best; Wei Wuxian has never really gotten used to having money in the first place, much less saving it. He’d be offended by the payments if it weren’t so necessary and if they weren’t always accompanied by notes and small packages from shijie. He’d sacrifice a lot more than his pride to hear from shijie, and there’s always some little gift tucked in with her letters: a toy for a-Yuan, a recipe to try with their first crop of radishes, once, a ribbon of his she’d found between the pages of a book, the end still marked with a haphazardly embroidered lotus she’d sewn when they were children. A jolt of panic runs through him now when he realizes there’s no small hand clinging to his skirts, and after a quick glance toward the road shows no one, he darts further into the market. A-Yuan’s small but quick. His chubby little legs send him darting around the settlement fast enough to leave Wei Wuxian short of breath. He could be anywhere in the market — or if someone saw him and scooped him up or— He stops short. Laughter bubbles up in him, catching behind his teeth and he presses his fist to his lips to stifle it. Lan Zhan looks like beryl carved and brought to life through a craftsman’s adoration; his hair hangs in a long sheet down his straight shoulders and the blue of his robes echoes the hazy summer sky. He looks beautiful and ethereal and absolutely, utterly lost. Through the small crowd gathering, he can spot the top of a-Yuan’s head pressed into Lan Zhan’s shin, his tiny hand clinging to Lan Zhan’s skirts. He wishes he could paint it, if only to prove that it happened. Looking at them, the laughter softens into a kind of fondness that nestles so deep in his chest it pangs. The two of them might be his favorite people in the world. The crowd’s pressing closer, though, and even if Wei Wuxian couldn’t see the minute tightening of Lan Zhan’s shoulders, he’d know it was too much. He bulls through, shooing off the spectators and freeing up the space around them. Lan Zhan turns to him as if being rescued, his eyes widening slightly and tension easing out of his face. “Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian greets. Delight floods him, fills him, buoys him up on a river of light. “Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan says before pausing, looking to the top of a-Yuan’s head, still pressed into his leg. “This child—” “Is my son!” Wei Wuxian chirps, grinning as he pats his chest. “I birthed him myself.” For a moment, he can see the doubt, the almost-belief, creep into Lan Zhan’s expression, and he laughs aloud. He’d forgotten what it felt like to be around Lan Zhan when they weren’t fighting, to be held in the honey-warmth of his regard. “Right, Lan Zhan,” he says, adopting as much of a scolding tone as he can around his own grin, “what did you do? Why is a-Yuan crying?” “I didn’t do anything,” Lan Zhan protests, brow pinching slightly. For all that Wei Wuxian has seen Lan Zhan cut through swathes of spirits and soldiers, for all that he’s argued with him about the salvage of his own soul, he’s still so easy to tease. The little shifts of his expression, the worry that slips into his gold eyes — they’re so different from the fifteen year olds who first crossed swords, but this core remains familiar. “I see. Lan Zhan, as pretty as you are, a-Yuan doesn’t know you like I do,” he says. “He can’t tell the difference when you’re angry or happy, so of course he’s going to cry.” Lan Zhan listens with all the seriousness he’d give to a proper lesson, and Wei Wuxian wonders a little if he really hasn’t been around children Yuan’s age before. Surely, as First Disciple, he’s worked with juniors of all ages — but, he supposes, even the Lan Sect isn’t so grim as to start children at age four. “Lan Zhan, watch,” he says, crouching down to a-Yuan’s height. There’s a toy vendor across from them who’s already spotted their trio, and Wei Wuxian eyes him a moment in thought. If Lan Zhan really hasn’t been around little kids enough to realize how quickly they can be brought to tears, then he probably doesn’t know how quickly they can be cheered, either. Smiling a little at his plan, he leads a-Yuan over to the vendor and lets him see the toy. It’s a little grass butterfly, carefully woven and common to any small market. Wei Wuxian is almost sure he had one of them as a child, too, though that’s built more on probability than any actual memory. A-Yuan cheers up at the butterfly waving around his head, tears drying, and Lan Zhan stands behind him, watching with all his careful consideration. “Here, sir,” Wei Wuxian says, passing back the toy as he stands. “Come on!” A-Yuan’s a good kid and knows better than to complain about not getting his way, but— “Wei Ying. Why didn’t you buy it for him?” He doesn’t smile because that would ruin it, but he raises his eyebrows in teasing question. “Why should I?” he replies. “You asked if he wanted it,” Lan Zhan objects. “Doesn’t that mean you’re going to buy it?” “Asking is asking, buying is buying,” Wei Wuxian retorts. “Who said you have to buy it once you ask?” Lan Zhan’s gaze dips down, chin lowering, as a shallow furrow creases his brows. He swallows before looking to a-Yuan. “Which one would you like?” he asks, attempting a gentler tone. “Among those, which one do you want?”  Looking up at him with wide eyes, a-Yuan hesitates before pointing out the butterfly. Lan Zhan gives a solemn nod, and Wei Wuxian can no longer suppress the grin that breaks across his face. His chest feels as if it’s breaking with reckless happiness, silly and unfounded. He feels young for the first time in years, for the first since— Well. Before. Lan Zhan hasn’t once mentioned healing music or purifying or returning to the orthodox path, and they’ve been around each other for less than a shi but still, it’s a new record. He could live in this moment, he thinks; a-Yuan babbling happily and flitting about with his new toys and Lan Zhan a little unsure but steady, here, at his side. “Aiya who would’ve thought you’d be the father who spoils his son while I’m the stern one,” he teases, nudging Lan Zhan with his elbow. “Certainly not Lan-laoxiansheng.” “Mn,” Lan Zhan hums in that way he does when he can’t argue but doesn’t really want to agree. Grinning, Wei Wuxian gives himself a moment to just — take this in. He hadn’t really thought he’d see Lan Zhan again after that night in Qiongqi Pass, or if he did, it would be at his death and he would close his eyes and accept Bichen’s kiss. “Hey Lan Zhan, why don’t you leave your night hunt and come have a meal with us instead?” he says on a whim. “My treat.” He hesitates, but his gaze flickers over Wei Wuxian’s face rather than holding steady and firm. Wei Wuxian grins, already tasting victory. “Come on, it’s been so long,” he wheedles. “Share a meal with your old friend.” He’s won even before Lan Zhan dips his head in acceptance, and that heady rush of delight carries him through the afternoon. Chattering through lunch almost reminds him of their days in the Cloud Recesses’ library pavilion, but there’s no irritation in Lan Zhan’s expression this time; he listens attentively, gaze steady on Wei Wuxian, and gives quiet affirmation when Wei Wuxian asks if shijie’s wedding was as perfect as she said. He lets a-Yuan clamber into his lap, holding him steady with one hand, and Wei Wuxian feels his heart stutter and squeeze in his chest. Oh, he thinks a little distantly. Oh he likes this. He wants this. The three of them sitting in the dust-mote sunlight around the table, a-Yuan cheerfully flitting his toy around while Lan Zhan inclines his head to better listen to his babbling and glances up every now and then to meet Wei Wuxian’s gaze. Leaning on his fist, Wei Wuxian drinks in the sight and lets it fill some cracked cavity in his chest. If resentment could be tamed with contentment, he thinks he’d be healed just by lingering in this sun-soft afternoon. Even when the signal talisman lights up a warning and they run to the mountain, that delight can’t be tainted. They work together so readily, so easily, as if their souls trained side by side in the eternity before this life. Lan Zhan takes a-Yuan from his arms so that he can work the spells needed to subdue the resentment wreaking havoc through their little home, and he listens when Wei Wuxian directs him on calming Wen Ning. It’s a little strange, this trust. He lost it so long ago it seems and yet here Lan Zhan is, still reaching out. His stomach does a funny flip and he sets the thought firmly to one side. “Lan Zhan,” he says, and lets himself enjoy the way Lan Zhan’s gaze swings unerringly to him, “now that you’re here, why don’t you pay a visit?”

[foggedgrief]

okay, hello, this is going to be a part one to a series of introductions ! i have already hit my five character cap because i’m a menace but that means you get more content and honestly that feels like a fair trade off. without my rambling, i give you nicky ( click here to find some quick facts about my boy ) and emi ( click here to find some quick facts about my girl ) ! wanted connections can be found here.

be warned ! before you click that handy dandy little read more, the following triggers will be discussed : death ( multiple deaths due to the fog, not explicit : both nicky and emi ), grief ( parent losing a child : emi ), religion ( turning away from : emi ) !

losing  friends  and  family  to  the  fog  and  blaming  yourself  for  not  being  more  vigilant,  taking  guardianship  of  your  little  sister  and  getting  a  second  job  to  make  sure  ends  meet,  trying  your  hardest  and  kicking  yourself  for  not  doing  better,  bloodied  knuckles  aggravated  by  vodka  to  clean  them  and  wrapped  so  tightly  you  fear  your  fingers  might  turn  blue,  anger  replaced  by  grief  replaced  by  the  understanding  she  needs  you  and  you  will  tear  down  the  rest  of  the  world  to  keep  her  safe.

nicholas adam locklear was born in inverness, scotland, and still has a scottish accent even though he’s been in the country for twenty years. 

nicky and his family moved to maine a few months before his seventh birthday. they moved to maine because his mother, a once american ex pat, had a father who wanted his kids to be closer because they all seemed to have scattered to the wind. he walked into the fog a week after the locklears had unpacked their home. 

the fog has always been a thing of morbid fascination from nicky and after grandpa took his walk into the woods, nicky was kept particularly far away from the forest line, fog warnings or not. on all saint’s day, the day after he turned eight, nicky found himself in the fog. and then he found himself in his bed with no explanation for either event. 

he started drawing that day, intricate sigils that gave themselves meaning but no voice, so he spoke them into existence: protection from sorcery, protection from evil, wards off negative energies, heal the body and the spirit. four symbols that he couldn’t stop drawing on everything he owned. homework, notebooks, on the walls of his home in crayon ( if you look in those spots today, in the locklear family home, they’re painted now. a whole interior room covered in the sigils intended to look like an artsy photo collage wall. ).

some in town say that the locklears are cursed, that their family bears bad blood, that they owed some kind of karmic debt too large for one life. whatever the rumor, they all boil down to one thing: too many locklears have gone missing in the fog. nicky’s paid little mind to them, though there’s a voice too strange to be his but too familiar to dismiss that encourages him to go in ( to go back ). 

nicky’s life revolves around his little sister, belle, who was born when he was twenty. a few months later, their mother went into the fog and their father went about an hour later to try and look for her. neither came home. though the courts tried to pass belle off to the next living relative, nicky petitioned for rights to guardianship because he lived in the home and could find a way to make ends meet for him to be belle’s caretaker. enter the diner and blue valley.

nicky’s always been a hard worker, never one to take a short cut and never one to take the easy way out. his focus has always been to take care of belle above board, so no one could have a reason to take away the last of his family. that little babe was his world and is nicky’s driving force in most things. he started working at the bar first and took on a job at the diner when he realized that tips got slow after a certain hour and what better way than to make more money by helping to sober up the people you just got drunk ?

when customers offer to buy nicky drinks, he usually puts together a couple of complimentary mixers ( cranberry juice, pineapple juice, and orange juice ) and pours in water from an old tito’s bottle to make it look like he’s adding tequila. he’ll pocket the cost of a drink as an extra tip. he never drinks on the job. 

his jobs aren’t glamorous but they keep the roof over his head and belle’s. he works 14 hour days ( 9 pm to 11 am ; 9 pm - 3 am at blue valley and 3:10 to 11 am at the diner ), 6 days a week ( sundays off ), 84 hours a week and he’s damn good at what he does, and seldom calls out for anything. nicky’s the kind of guy to pound three monsters and call it a day just to keep himself going. he’s used to running on little sleep because of his paternal role with belle and wanting to keep as engaged with her as possible. he usually leaves her with the finnegans so he doesn’t have to pay any babysitting money.

the one time nicky tried, dottie looked at the bills in his hand and just hugged him tightly and said, “no child of mine is going to pay me to watch theirs.” nicky cried that day and spent ten minutes crying into her shoulder and then slept on her couch for a few hours while belle played with the finnegan twins. 

nicky is a good person and he’s a really good dad. at 22 he became licensed in the state of maine to be able to foster and has fostered ten kids in the last five years. right now it’s just him and belle in the house that his parents bought that he keeps up as best as he can. the guest bathroom needed a remodel three years ago and the kitchen appliances only work when you knock on them the right way and if the wind’s blowing in the right direction, but some things are just the way that it is. 

other important things that i couldn’t work in above but you should know: 

nicky gives like ,,, just really comforting hugs that suggest a level of emotional intimacy that is likely to catch you pleasantly off guard. 

will help you buy your groceries because he has a better chance of making fifty dollars tonight than you do. 

usually sleeps on disney princess sheets because belle insisted they would look best in his room ( she was right ). his other sheets are bubblegum pink and he bought them for himself because that’s the vibe he was feeling and sometimes you just have to do what will put a smile on your face. 

his little sister is seven but nicky is the only parent she’s ever known and she usually calls him dad over nicky even though she knows the difference. 

nicky calls her his kid a lot. everyone in town pretty much knows the story. 

steady  hands  and  steady  heart  are  starting  to  shake,  pleading  with  officers  don’t  let  me  bury  an  empty  casket,  the  table  set  for  three  but  you  can’t  bring  yourself  to  put  the  plate  away,  pale  yellow  front  door  once  made  your  laugh  now  just  makes  you  sad  because  your  daughter’s  sunshine  still  lingers,  and  there’s  no  place  to  put  your  faith,  nothing  so  powerful  would  take  away  a  little  girl.

emi is considerably less fleshed out than nicky but we’re still going to do our best to give her a fair shake at an intro, so here goes ! 

noemi was born noemi sofia ibarra in pine haven, maine. though she’s always considered pine haven her home, she’s always desired that her upbringing was somewhere warmer. 

she’s a third generation doctor at the clinic, following in the footsteps of her grandfather and mother and knew from a young age that she wanted to help people. she bounced from pine haven for a while ( from ages 18 to 28 ) and followed her dreams to go somewhere warmer and graduated from emory university’s medical school in atlanta. 

she pushed through medical school immediately after graduating with her undergrad and returned to pine haven as a permanent resident when she was 29. having been home, officially, for ten years, she has found herself in the center of the community. more often than not, residents of town know they can call emi and come sit on her kitchen table if they need urgent care. 

life outside of pine haven’t wasn’t all medical school, though, because she also met her the father of her daughters. at 23 emi gave birth to her elder daughter, evangeline. that sweet little girl meant the world to her and emi spent double the amount of time awake those first semesters trying to get used to having a baby and school to balance. she was the center of emi’s universe, this baby and her father. 

emi’s second daughter, catalina, was born about eight years ago and is as much emi’s pride and joy as her older sister. the pair never fail to blow emi away in their creativity, kindness, and love, and she has made that known to them from the time they could open their eyes. though these times were sweet it’s time to fast forward to the current day because this is where emi shifts for the worse for as much as she doesn’t want to. 

two weeks ago, during the fog warning, evangeline wasn’t home with the family. emi was at work, locked down with a few patients, and when she didn’t get a phone call from her daughter, like she asks of all her family, she started to worry. panic didn’t settle in until after the fog warning and no one had heard from evangeline. frantic, begging, trying to stave off the final moments before the inevitable declaration, emi found herself begging the officers at the station: find me something to bury before absolutely crumbling against the weight of her own fears.

prior to her daughter’s disappearance, emi had put at least some stock into god but spite consumes her whenever she thinks about him. something all loving doesn’t steal child from the arms of their mother’s and something all powerful doesn’t let whatever lives in the forest to exist after taking the first soul. this town suffers because of that fog and venom pools in her mouth waiting to spit at the first person who proclaims that god will watch over her daughter. some people turn to faith for stability. emi has turned away. 

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching Good Omens (ALL OF IT)

my favourite novel is now my favourite mini-series and IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL

under the cut: a very long, spoilery six-episode reaction to MY NEW FAVOURITE THING EVER

--

may 31st 07:36pm nz

i posted my episode 1 reaction a couple hours ago but that got ZERO NOTES so i assume people are either avoiding spoilers or aren’t interested, which is fine, but i’m just gonna put all my reactions in one big post so anyone who IS interested doesn’t have to read 6 separate posts c:

edit june 1st 04:08am: btw i watched using a free trial on amazon prime, which i’m pretty sure is worldwide. soooo if yOU WANT TO WATCH THIS, YOU CAN, FOR FREE

--

EPISODE 1: In the Beginning

--

04:03pm

idk how much i’m gonna type, whether i’ll post a reaction to the entire thing in one post....... or how much i’ll end up watching right now

kinda want to spread it out and save it as a treat for after i’ve done some writing

but right now i wanna watch before writing

so maybe i’ll do one ep, write something, then return to this?

edit: aahhaha that didn’t happen

-

04:04pm

I’M SO EXCITED

I’VE BEEN WAITING SO LONG

well... since 2011 when i first read the book

but regardless it’S BEEN 84 YEARS

-

04:05

okay first off i did not know amazon prime did adverts at the start of their videos. so i was like SINCE WHEN WAS CHILDISH GAMBINO/DONALD GLOVER IN GOOD OMENS

and then

yeah

no

either way i thought it was a good opening

-

W A R

NING

cool cool cool cool cool

-

omg i’m used to where the netflix full-screen button is, and on amazon prime that’s the “next episode” button so i gotta be real careful

-

dear god my video quality is TERRIBLE

i.......... i might torrent this show and watch it offline

this is horrendous i can’t see a damn thing

i have never seen pixels this big

-

04:11

okay the quality calmed down after a minute

i loooove the intro, i love that it’s basically word for word from the book

i feel like i’d find it funnier if i hadn’t read the book 3 months ago

-

also? god is a woman? yes

-

04:13

is it just me or does the snek have a slightly david tennant-esque quality about it

-

i’m so happy adam and eve are black

-

04:17

omfg. aziraphale said “ineffable” and now CRAWLEY’S CHECKING HIM OUT TRYING TO SEE IF HE HAS ANY JUNK

WOW

...or y’know, looking for a flaming sword. SAME FUCKING THING.

-

also i looove how FLUFFY azi is

-

azi: “do hope i didn’t do the wrong thing”

i fucking love them both uhrgughhhuhuhughuhhh

-

04:21

small sob for cuteness

umbella wings

-

04:23

in the opening titles, crowley just stopped a spaceship and aziraphale turned it into fish

i feel like that was a douglas adams reference and i’m on board

-

04:25

the entire time i read the book, up until i saw video promos of this show, i thought “crowley” was said the same way as spn’s “crowley”, as in “crahwlee”

not “crOhwlee”

i definitely like that they’re different though

both probably named after aleister crowley tbh. all of whom are queer.

-

THOSE SWAYING HIPS

i haven’t found david tennant attractive in about 9 years but WHOOOP HELLO AGAIN

somehow attractive for entirely different reasons than before. like. my taste changed but tHEN

-

i’m on crowley’s side, taking down a cellphone network is VERY ANNOYING

-

04:35

crowley: shitshitshitshithsit

:D

i can’t wait for aziraphale’s big swear

-

04:37

i miss eating sushi

sushi was great

-

04:43

this baby delivery thing is sTRESSFUL

“aaaaurthurrrrr”

nooo

poor lady

-

04:45

“little toesie woesies”

where’s the sister mary loquacious fan club and where do i sign up

-

i’m glad they colour-coded the babies and did the playing card explanation because this part of the book always tied my brain in knots

-

05:00

this is reminding me how utterly gross england is

-

“MY POINT IS............. DOLPHINS”

YES

-

05:06

see in the book

i never once realised that the nanny was crowley in disguise

-

05:11

digging the snake tattoo sideburns

-

05:14

and yeah the short hair looks good

-

05:15

fINALLY crowley called azi “angel”

-

05:17

crowley: “oh no no don’t do your magic act, pleeease”

the magic act scene is one of my fave parts of the book <3

-

05:20

aw man they cut out the best part

i mean i get why

the kids shouted a bunch of gay slurs at aziraphale

and there were no secret service people with guns

but aw mannn

AND THEY CUT OUT THE BIT WITH THE DEAD DOVE AND CROWLEY BRINGS IT BACK TO LIFE FOR AZIRAPHALE

THAT WAS MY SINGLE FAVOURITE BIT OF THE BOOK

AND IT’S GONE

;C

-

OH WAIT

THERE’S THE DOVE

OH GOOD

-

aw man aziraphhale just brought it back himself

i liked it better in the book

they sat on the steps outside and crowley comforted azi and took the dove and fixed it for him, and then it flew off

idk i just had such a perfect image of that moment in my mind and this was..... good but not the same at all

could be gayer

-

05:27

good dog

-

05:28

crowley: *snifsnif* something’s changed

aziraphale: “oh it’s a new cologne, my barber suggeste--”

crowley: “no no i know what you smell like”

gayyyyyyyyyy <3

-

05:31

okay that’s ep 1 watched!!! i’ll watch more maybe later tonight :D

ENJOYING THIS SO FAR

not as gay as expected ........YET

needs 400% more “angel” and “dear”

--

EPISODE 2: The Book

07:42pm

pillar of salt guy: “something smells evil”

the fact crowley smells evil and yet aziraphale likes his company regardless says a lot

-

07:49

fully expected crowley to say “i didn’t fall, i sauntered vaguely downwards”

-

07:50

iiiii’m finding the narrator a little annoying

maybe it’s because i read the book so i know what’s going on

but saying “he has four items to deliver in his van. he works for this postage company and he’s making his first delivery in a formal warzone”.... idk i feel like all of those things could be shown visually? saying it rather than showing it probably saved seven seconds of airtime, but damn

-

07:56

i wonder if the narrator was a later addition to this, for new audience clarity? the script for god just seems a little stilted, idk

edit: i kind of got used to it, but it was still jarring, which i’m sure was the opposite of the intended effect

-

08:09

the saddest newt

-

08:13

she’s kind of exactly how i imagined her in the book

and definitely my fave next to aziraphale and crowley

-

08:17

i feel so bad for crowley’s plants

poor babies

-

08:19

for some reason i imagined her as a redhead. kind of more like mrs weasley

-

08:33

these wee children......... so soft.......... so smol

-

08:25

v happy with the casting for pepper

tiny downside is that we lose another redhead

-

08:29

i find the kids’ conversations hilarious because they’re the same age as harry potter when he goes to hogwarts the first time

idk if this is what eleven year olds are like in real life, but when i read the book i did feel distinctly like they spoke like eight year olds

-

08:35

crowley: “i like spooky. big spooky fan, me”

he just sounds like the tenth doctor

-

08:36

YEEE FINALLY CROWLeY DOING NICE THINGS FOR AZIRAPHALE

-

08:48

"you know, crowley, i’ve always said that deep down you really are a--”

“SHUT IT”

DON’T YOU CALL HIM NICE YOU PRETTY BASTARD

-

loquacious: “sorry to break up an intimate moment”

-

08:45

i imagined anathema’s tripod thing to be about 5 feet tall, not a cute little knee-high thing

-

08:48

freddie mercury: BIIIII CYCLE

BIIIIIIII CYCLE

yeah i was waiting for that

-

crowley: “get in, angel”

HE MURMURED

DON’T MURMUR YOUR TERMS OF ENDEARMENT noo

-

09:00

end of episode 2!!! i freaking loved aziraphale vs the book <3

-

the credits for this ep credit konnie huq as someone named pam but idk who that is? i had a crush on konnie huq as a kid when she was a presenter on “blue peter”

OH WAIT RIGHT the lady on the breakfast show on crowley’s tv. aw such a small part. hoping we’ll see her again later

edit: nope. might rewatch that part to pay more attention. obviously i didn’t even recognise her after like.. 15 years

--

EPISODE 3: Hard Times

09:05pm

brb gotta get some food

-

09:14

and now i wait for food

EPISODE THREE LET’S GO

is this the one that’s just crowley and azi’s backstory?

-

09:16

i can’t even put my finger on why but he’s getting more attractive

-

09:21

ah yes

aziraphale is eating shellfish and trying to tempt crowley

“oh... that’s your job”

i love this part of their dynamic

-

09:29

i adore when crowley makes aziraphale smile <3

-

09:43

SAUNTERED VAGUELY DOWNWARDS

YEE

-

i like seeing how crowley’s sunglasses differ throughout history

-

09:36

“if they knew i’d been... fraternising”

this is such a forbidden romance i love ittttt

-

09:49

CROWLEY SAVED THE BOOKS

and SOFT VIOLIN PLAYS

THIS IS A FUCKING LOVE STORY

k this is my favourite part of the show so far <3

-

09:50

this angel just fell in love

right in that moment

i see cartoon hearts around him

-

09:54

just had to pause for a second bc there was some broccoli in my tea :c

-

09:56

awwwwwwwwwwwwww 

he got him holy waterrrrrrr

-

UNIVERSAL ANGLE OF HETEROSEXUAL LONGING

-

definitely feeling a lot of “NOW KISS” right about now

-

09:59

LAUGHING BECAUSE THE OPENING CREDITS ARE LITERALLY HALFWAY INTO THE EPISODE

-

10:03

throughout the entire book azi just came across as the kind of person who wore glasses even though glasses were never once mentioned

I AM GLAD TO SEE GLASSES

-

10:12

i like this colour palette and the gold in their makeup

-

10:27

“we can go off together”

omg the world’s ending and crowley’s all RUN AWAY WITH MEEE

-

10:31

okay then

good eyelashes

edit: i also like how their relationship was explained with a simple tap on the wrist: hurry up, you’re on the clock, i’m a sex worker, finish your call because i’m leaving

-

10:32

episode three DONE

these eps don’t feel long enough

maybe that means the pacing is just right? who knows

i feel like i should be doing something other than watching this but..... why

--

EPISODE 4: Saturday Morning Funtime

10:48pm

aziraphale is SOFT and he’s perfect like that <3

fuck u gabriel and your body shaming

-

10:53

i want delivery guy to be okay BUT I READ THE BOOK

so............... i know he will be...... eventually

-

10:55

how did they get photographs taken in the 1600s

-

oh gabriel’s eyes ARE purple, i thought i was seeing them wrong

-

11:02

“maud i love you”

noo ho hoooo

-

11:09

a little douglas adams, definitely

BUT NO PEPPER POT DALEK

AWW

-

11:10

the season is very much jumping between summer and autumn

though i suppose that’s the point, tadfield is just perfect

-

11:12

“which the internet has begun to refer to as the kracken”

i wonder if good omens inadvertently inspired me to write The Wireless a couple of years back. wouldn’t be surprising

edit: no, couldn’t have, because the internet wasn’t much of a thing (or a thing at all?) in the book, given its publish date

-

11:20

that’s a v nice dress/top combo

gosh she’s so pretty

-

11:30

crowley: “we can run away together!!! alpha centauri!!!”

aw baby

-

crowley: “i’m going home, angel! i’m getting my stuff, and i am leaving. and when i am up in the stars, i won’t even think about you!!”

THAT WAS A V SAD BREAKUP NOOOOO

why has there not been a single “dear” yet :c

-

11:37

oh no, this part

i loved this in the book but i am NOT READY for maggots

damn you gaiman

-

11:39

he’s so cute

and so gay

-

11:42

uriel: “don’t think your boyfriend in the dark glasses will get you special treatment in hell”

he looks kinda delighted uriel called crowley his boyfriend

i would say he looks worried but this shot was used without context in the trailer and it came across as genuine joy, i actually thought he was looking at crowley

-

11:46

i thought it was a strange throne before

a spider at the centre of a web

dark halo

yeah

-

11:51

oh now she’s a redhead???

-

also i’m glad they implied newt and anathema just kissed because the sex thing was weird in the book

-

okay never mind

hmm

-

12:05

aziraphale: “oh.................ffffUCK.”

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH

-

12:07

oh no

it’s happening

oh no

i hate this part but i love what happens because of it

-

12:29am

i have eaten and now i have tea and i am back from MORE BOOKSHOP FIRE

-

EPISODE 5: The Doomsday Option

12:31

nuuuuuuuuuu

and “you’re my best friend” playing while crowley’s tryna call azi

nuuuuuu

-

“somebody killed my best friend”

jfhsdfjsdj

/sobs

-

12:36

freddie mercury: “somebody find me somebody tooo ooo looove”

edit: the narration WRECKED this. it was so dramatic and visually emotional but the voiceover completely screwed with it and it was SO UNNECESSARY.

-

12:46

crowley: “i lost my best friend”

he says, while crying, while talking to that friend

-

THE ONE BOOK HE WANTS IS THE ONE CROWLEY SAVED

THEY’RE SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL TOGETHER

-

azi wanted to share crowley’s body

and then said they had to get a wiggle on

-

12:52

they cut out the hell’s angels / lesser horsemen

i figured they would, but still a shame

-

1:54

in the book tracy’s “spirit guide” was native american but daaaaaamn that part really needed to go

now she’s irish which is... better, probably

-

01:01

ron: “SHUT. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP”

this guy’s having the time of his life

-

01:03

he wave

-

01:05

1926 bentley; sexiest car right next to the ‘67 chevy impala

-

01:08

omg gotta translate and explain the road

-

01:13

OH NO the maggots are about to happen

they changed the placement of this but it worked for the pacing

-

OH NO

-

k well the maggots were gross but not as bad as i imagined

-

01:31

omg the dog turned upside down rather than be picked up

i wonder if that was intentional

dog: I DO NOT WANT UP

-

01:34

pfff he’s reading “american gods” by neil gaiman

-

01:44am

10/10 flaming car

-

EPISODE 6: The Very Last Day of the Rest of Their Lives

01:51am

here we go...

-

01:55

azi so happy that crowley said the dress suits him <3

-

01:57

rip bentley

-

01:59

aziraphale: “we are here to lick some serious butt!!”

crowley: “kick!! kick, aziraphale, for heaven’s sake”

-

02:06

i freaking love the parallel between the Them and the horsemen in the book

and i love that they did face shots to show the parallel

pepper = war

wensleydale = famine

brian = pollution

adam = death

the parallel is less clear for brian and wensleydale, at least in the show. was more obvious in the book. but at the same time i kind of got confused between them a lot, brian was always eating, but wensleydale was named after cheese

-

02:14

pepper: “i do not endorse everyday sexism”

/STOMPS ON WAR’S FOOT

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

-

02:25

shadwell: “anyone who wants ta get ta the hoore of babylon will have to get past me”

earlier anathema said “boyfriend”

may i point out that all the adults are paired up

shadwell & madame tracy

newt & anathema

......and....

aziraphale and crowley

-

0:28

crowley: “we are FUCKED”

these two need a holiday

-

azi: “come up with something... or.... or i’ll never talk to you again”

he knows crowley loves him aww

perfect blackmail material

-

02:32

they went from trying to kill him to being his gay angel parents real quick

-

02:35

thought they were holding hands for a second there

edit: regardless, a whole damn airfield and they’re 2cm apart

-

02:39

happy ending for the postman, hooray~

-

crowley about the bookshop, softly: “it burned down. remember? you can stay at my place”

awwWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

-

02:42

CROWLEY GOT HIS CAR BACK AND YET HE TOOK A TAXI

-

02:45

anathema: “why is your car called dick turpin?”

newt: “dick turpin is a famous highwayman. it’s called dick turpin because everywhere it goes, it holds up traffic”

i laughed

this wasn’t in the book and i always wondered

-

02:51

i wonder if holy water wouldn’t burn him because he’s too good

-

03:00

gabriel: “don’t talk to me about the greater good, sunshine, i’m the angel fucking gabriel”

really enjoying these swears

-

03:03

i thought so

-

03:30am

paused for a bit to get ready for bed

i thought it was after 4am but nope

-

“there would be other summers, but not one like this. not ever again”

that genuinely makes me emotional

i think that’s why it’s my favourite book, i can relive that summer with them

-

03:35

omg

-

OH MY GOD

WAIT

THEY

OH MY GOD

THEY WEREN’T IMMUNE, THEY JUST SWAPPED PLACES

HOLY SHIT

edit: THIS WAS NOT IN THE BOOK AND IT’S BRILLIANT AND I’M GLAD IT’S HERE

-

crowley: “let me tempt you to a spot of lunch?

azi: “~temptation accomplished~!”

THEY’RE SO STINKING CUTE

-

“just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing”

perfect

STILL NO USE OF “DEAR” THOUGH AND IT’S KILLING ME

-

that ending with the bird made me teary-eyed

-

credits: BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH AS SATAN

WOW

OKAY

AKSFJDSF /snorts

-

the end credits and the song i just wanna bawl my eyes out

i loved this so much and i’m so glad it was GOOD

i loved that they added so many people of colour. in the book i imagined crowley played by alexander siddig (star trek: deep space 9 era) but i guess david tennant makes a pretty good crowley too

i’m trying not to be upset that my favourite scene with the dove and aziraphale’s affectionate use of “dear” was taken out

but 

this was damn good regardless. even gayer in places than in the book

-

this nightingale song is my new favourite song

i never got the reference before

“and as we kissed and said goodnight, an nightingale sang in berkeley square:

GAY

SO GAY

i love

-

the end of the credits “For Terry”

ACTUAL OUT LOUD SOBBING

TERRY YOU WOULD’VE LOVED THIS

NEIL DID YOU PROUD

-

oh this was so beautiful

i’m gonna watch it again with my family probably within the week. i’m so emotionally tender now

azIRAPHALE WAS SO FLUFFY AND CROWLEY WAS SO NICE ABOUT THE BOOKS

ugh i love them more than ever

anathema...... i don’t know if i relate to her, want to be her, look up to her, want her to mentor me, live with her, or find her attractive. maybe all of the above. but she was freaking PERFECT. PE R F E CT 

the casting was so... just right. thank you casting people for anathema.

like... i also didn’t mind the newt/anathema thing so much now. it was hard to tell in the book how much of a relationship they had after, but that smile she gave while lying in bed the morning after, that worked, it said a lot. and i like that it was her choice to burn the prophecy sequel rather than newt’s suggestion

gabriel was amusing. like.. i’m glad he wasn’t in the book. but he was great here. also really like michael and uriel. uriel was so damn beautiful.

i also would really have liked to see a mention of the fact crowley and aziraphale are both agender and potentially asexual. not even a hint of it here. buuuuuut it guess i know from the book. so.

my favourite episode was of course episode 3 with crowley and aziraphale’s 6000 year backstory. especially the 1940s bit where crowley saved the books <3

this show was was less confusing than the book too. ugh it was done so well

OH

we didn’t see where the soldier guy went when aziraphale zapped him away!!! in the book he reappeared safely back home and went out to see his family. to be fair i don’t know whether he died and went to heaven, but it was a nice thing to happen

and they took out the Them’s bully/rival gang, who was led by the third baby from the baby swap, and who won awards for his tropical fish. at least that’s what i remember. which meant the parallel about heaven/hell being rival gangs was lost here. but the parallel between the horsemen and the them was stronger than ever and i loved that.

look, i mean, 10 out of 10, EASY.

favourite thing? yes. yes, absolutely.

--

shoutout to the one time i wrote a Good Omens/Destiel crossover fic The Angel Cake Challenge

IT’S 04:02am THIS TOOK ME 12 HOURS

04:40am AND FORTY MINUTES TO EDIT

congrats if you made it to the end of this!!! thank you for reading <3 AND GO WATCH THE SHOW IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY

[pffbts]

Hey loveee, can I request for an imagine where yoongi tells me what this year could just be another year of suffering,but only good things will come out of it? I hope this doesn't sound to werid or bad or anything, it's mainly for comfort if I were to be honest with u. Love u!!

―genre: fluff; angst; crack.

―characters: yoongi x female reader | no supporting character.

―w.c: 2.6 K

―author`s note: on the eve of the day before turning 19, i somehow felt connected to this request – somehow it felt close to heart. thank you to the beautiful anon who requested this. i hope i can touch you through my words. consider this as my birthday treat for you! much love

[11:53 PM] [the sakuras scattered under the wholesome night sky filled with stars for a new season, someone under the warm fuzzy blanket squeezes another`s]

― as usual, the warm baby blue coloured blanket smelled of you. yoongi`s face contorted to a smile getting born under the board daylight through the windows of his room. he called each night with you an unfinished business due at some corner of his existence. this was difficult. time has always been difficult with min yoongi. taking a toll on his words and thoughts, he flourishes in the thoughts that he might try again, just for the sake of you. getting up and on reflex feeling the strain of his neck, yoongi groaned at the warm sunlight which suddenly felt like balls of fire against his pale skin.

he couldn`t be too forward with you but he wanted to try again – try telling you that this new year that awaits for you will come in terms of normality. he wanted to wish that this year of 19 would turn somehow better than ever. this is the year both of you are graduating from school and as the seasons greets, soon you`ll be in some university probably away from each other.

he searched for his phone to catch the time. it read 08:45 AM. shoot, yoongi hissed, he has already wasted a number of precious hours lying on his futon thinking about skin damage and anxiety of being around you.

while taking a warm shower, yoongi started washing the skin of his hands, his chest – half of his face got clouded when he heard an imaginary you clutching onto your stomach and laughing at his skin treatment. ugh, what do you understand about skin treatment and keeping things clean? mindlessly, he showered successfully.

walking out of his house, he was greeted by a cloudy sky and the floating of the cherry blossoms in the air.

“so tomorrow`s spring, huh?”

yoongi looked to his left to find you in your long tracks, blue t-shirt and a cap, kicking the closest cherry blossom tree at its base. sighing internally, yoongi wondered, how can someone like you be born on the starting of people`s favourite season – spring?

“yes! aren`t you relieved?” yoongi started, walking towards you.

“not exactly. it`s just another season.”

of course, you wouldn`t be excited. yoongi knew it all along. it was just for a second he thought you might answer something different this time. after all, it`s your 19th birthday the next day which also according to this year`s calendar schedule is the starting of spring.

“we don`t have to suffer the extreme cold. that`s a relieve factor.” then, sizing up his thoughts, yoongi proceeded with the next words, “but someone here likes the cold too much, i guess.”

“yoongi.”

“yes, yes. i know. don`t get so worked up.”

typically as long as yoongi`s vivid memory goes, you were not completely this cold all the time. not until the death of your parents in a plane crash came down on you. it`s been exactly ten years since your 9th birthday that you`ve heard the heart-wrenching news of their death. before that very day, you were just like any other girl of the neighbourhood who liked flowers, who liked tying her hair in pretty braids. yoongi recalled how you loved the french braids the most. you were just like any other person who liked wearing the traditional outfits for any special occasion. you were like any other person who waited for spring to come because then you also get to celebrate it along with your birthday.

but the 9th year of your life made your world upside down and you ran back to your room waiting for a storm to come and blow you away. you walked away from yourself, from being any other normal human being. you started cutting your hair off, wearing boyish clothes, threw away your pretty sandals and opted for sneakers and vans. slowly, you erased everyone`s memory of the you which they saw growing up since the baby days.

10 years later, you`re still the same and the only one who accepted you for what you were and for what you became was yoongi – the next door boy who grew up along with you, going to the same class in the same school.

yoongi tried saying it every year during this time that the next year will bring something different. but every time he did he would get the cold shoulder from you in return resulting in his successful failure. the spirits of spring sigh every year at his efforts and showers his front yard with cherry blossoms just to console his aching heart.

“yoongi?” a hand which previously looked like fog started becoming clearer in front of his vision. jumping on his feet, yoongi shot a stunt look at you. “where are you, yoon?”

“earth.”

“better. i thought you teleported yourself to Neptune.”

suddenly yoongi realized, the still presently aged 18 years old you have started walking with your back facing him at a distance.

“wait! where are you going? wait for me!”

yoongi ran. as fast as he could to catch up with the same story he writes each year. this year he wanted you to remember that things do change and when they do, the sun won`t suddenly feel like the sun, instead, it would feel like the planets have gathered up for a casual visit with you. when it happens, he`ll always go back to you even if it breaks his heart.

*

“next spot – karaoke!” a red-faced, half-drunk in soju yoongi announced. sipping the regular coke from the straw, you shook your head disapproving of his plan in silence.

even though his face dropped, he demanded an explanation. then he told you to forget about giving an explanation instead he started lecturing you about how you`re just wasting the youthful days of your life and that you`re already someone in their 60s. then he proceeded to tease you about how your grandparents with whom you live at present are much more joyful than you.

slamming the cup of coke with a force on the spot of the table in front of you, you got up from your seat and pointed a strict finger at the middle of your friend`s brows.

“because unlike you, min yoongi, you`re still living the life.” pulling the finger away, you stared into his wide feline-like eyes, “consider me dead at this point, hun. i`ve been dead for the last ten years, okay? don`t try to do something that`s universally impossible to gain.”

stories. min yoongi has been writing stories for a long time. each year he tries to erase half of their sentences and joins new words to make up for all the things he missed out the previous years. every year he collects sakuras and tried to make it into something of some shape. but then your words strike his motive and he realizes, sakuras are not clay and even clay can`t form any shape if we don`t have waters.

somehow he wants to talk it out with you. but every word that gets thrown to the air in-between both of you, they build up to that moment of rebel where they break apart from your force.

the view in front of him turned into a fog but his ears were still untempted and so he heard the loud, frantic footsteps of your boots on the wooden floor retreating back to the exit and slowly as the sound fades in the air, his vision clears and he finds himself with his forehead resting against the table, his shoulders shaking.

“boys don`t cry, yoon!” a seven-year-old you once said that to him when yoongi fell on the gravel path while coming home from school and got a scratch on his knee. the blood which was seeping out looked too bright on his pale skin.

yoongi`s fist slammed the table beside his head and he felt the warm tears overflowing from his eyes. you always had it wrong. min yoongi always cried because somehow he still couldn`t find how to save you. he has been a useless human being in your life. maybe, maybe it wouldn`t even matter. even if he leaves the town, maybe you`ll not even miss him.

so he cried. if he`s the one who should be crying in that case then he will.

*

yoongi ran back to you – his eyes red, his emotions out of line and the stories flying here and there. tonight as the town closes in for the preparation of the new season tomorrow, he wants to let you know everything. everything that he has to build up till to this day. he is going to throw all his intuitions and his old, crappy stories. he`s going to write to a new verse, new poems celebrating them with you, even if that mean it would receive silence and empty gaps of air from you.

pulling out his phone from his pant`s pocket and almost stumbling into his room, he texted you to come over. this could go anywhere, yoongi knew this very well. but he still went for it.

after the longest ten minutes in the world, you came into his room and sat Indian style in front of his bed, your shoulder blades pressed against the mattress and wood. a half-asleep yoongi got up from his place in bed and sat there facing the same wall, almost mimicking your posture.

“if you called me to confess about your deep-shit feelings for me, then let me inform you, i`m not into dicks.”

yoongi squeaked at this new out of no-where information from you.

“you`re gay?” lunging forward yoongi tried reading your expression which was really difficult as it was only moonlight in his room. “when did this happen?”

“i`m kidding, idiot.” you replied, your voice sounds like it`s already bored telling the same thing repeatedly.

“thanks jesus. you almost gave me a stroke.”

yoongi, suddenly remembering what was his initial plan, he jolted up, sitting back straight and cleared his throat, “anyway, you can somehow call this a confession too but it`s not anything romantic just so you know.”

“yes, i remembered saying that i would cut your dick off if you ever leak your romantic juice on me, so i guess i can trust you on that.”

jeez,  yoongi squeezed his eyes shut for a second, this conversation has already turned into a dark fiction. he just wanted to stay true to his feelings and not get threatened of getting his dick cut off. this girl, he sighed.

“i just…just listen to me out, okay?” he started still questioning. why was he still questioning himself? he didn`t know obviously because he has always been the bad one in accepting the reality, i guess. “i`m not saying this because you`re turning 19 in one hour.”he knew, he just knew that you had glanced at the digital clock sitting on his cupboard pushed against the same wall both of you were facing. not even giving himself a chance to smile, he continued, “i`m just telling you that, you`ll probably suffer a lot this year. maybe this year pain will come in many different ways – much different than the way it had always come at you, at us. but you must know that there will always be a sunray trying to battle its way through the dark clouds. there`ll always be a flower which will bloom in the sidewalks just to let the passerby know that they exist too.”

“let`s just say that we will definitely suffer a lot and that we will cry a lot. maybe not you. maybe it will mostly be me, but i`ll cry a lot. i promise even if it`s for both of us. i hope you know that there are some people in your life who still wants you to live and exist like any other person in the world. i want to tell you that you`re not dead to me, instead, you`ve always been more than alive to me than anyone in my world. of course i love you. i love you a lot to not let you suffer alone because just know that anywhere you go, i`ll go with you. if you find solace in your washroom, crying silently then i`ll be there on the other side of the door, crying with you. if you ever want to laugh even if it is all silly and not needed, i`ll laugh with you.”

yoongi`s voice rose with each passing second, his voice almost grew numb at the choice of words and the emotions that they carried but then he felt light in his chest. for the first time this year, on this last hour of pre-spring, last hour of his friend`s 18th year, he wasn`t making up white lies instead he was overflowing with emotions. he could almost feel himself floating in them.

you, on the other hand, were scared. you were scared for yoongi`s next words and mostly scared to look at his face. because you believed that if you stare at him now, you will lose your sight. he must be glowing right now. he must have become the brightest thing in this room right now and you were scared for the first time to meet his eyes.

“so, yes. i love you, a lot. maybe you`ll get a boyfriend after you leave for college and then a husband after that but this fool right here will always love you and it`s not romantic, okay? you understand? this is not romantic.”

yoongi didn`t even put you in the seat of mercy. he just let you be what you wanted under his gaze and when you got up from your place, screaming, your face tainted with overflowing warm tears, you hit him hard everywhere you could. falling against his bed, both of you cried like there was no tomorrow. you cried with everything that you got. it was like giving birth to a new life, it was like chicks hatching out of their shell – you felt the pain seeping out of you and another set of lungs being replaced in place of the old ones cause they couldn`t function. they weren`t capable of the pain that shot through you.

*

the clock on his cupboard read 11:53 PM. seven minutes and it will be a new spring. a new day, a new year for the person soundly sleeping beside him, your head resting on the expanse of his chest, your hand resting on the side of his right cheek and another entangled with yoongi`s. the blankets lost the battle to you and to min yoongi, the new cherry blossoms that fell in his front yard looked like heaven`s call for a year that would bring the best spring of your life.

at the end of the day, you are the only spring that matters to him.

[sicksweetcreamy]

OC-TOBER

i did a inktober challenge for my OC uwow more under the cut

Day 1: intro

meet Maro Moon; theres the reality version (Mareal/MRL) and the dreaming version, (Maream/MRM). Both are the same person, MRL is just the outer shell and MRM is the inside of the shell

Day 2+5: family+younger verison

MRL: I have a dad and a mom and a bunch of cousins and aunts and uncles that I don’t really know. This is the only picture I have of myself as a kid, because I didn’t really like photos. Mom and Dad died a year ago, but just from old age, I guess.

Day 3: friends

MRL: I lost contact with all of my school friends. My coworkers aren’t exactly friends, but they’re the closest thing to it. There’s Neil, Rebecca, Sammy, and Brandon. I don’t know very much about them, except that Neil smokes weed and that Rebecca’s hella rich but her parents made her find a job and that Sammy and Brandon are dating, but that’s about it. We work at a movie theater and it’s a pretty okay job.

Day 4: youngest memory

MRL: My memory’s pretty bad, but I think that when I was about 4, we went to the beach and I got salt water in my eyes and I cried, but it was a fun trip, even if that’s the only part I remember. In fact, I think that the photo I showed you is from that time.

Day 6: dreams and ambitions

MRL: I don’t really have any big goals as of now. My job’s okay and my apartment’s nice, so I can’t really ask for much. I guess a boyfriend would be nice and we could go on dates and kiss and hold hands and do boyfriend stuff together, you know?

Day 7: worst memory

MRL: Oh man, there are a lot. I'm really bad at choosing the-best-of-the best or the-worst-of-the-worst, but I guess there was this one time when I cried in the school bathroom and someone asked to use the stall I was in because the other ones were full, so I had to go and find somewhere else to cry in secrecy. But there was also the time where I cried because I didn’t get enough Christmas presents. Or when I killed my super most favorite and rare and expensive houseplant. Or when i accidentally broke someone’s ceramics project. Or when I threw a basketball at someone and sprained their finger. Or when...

Day 8: living space

MRL: My apartment's small, but it’s home. My landlord’s good enough, and my neighbors are quiet. It may not be perfect but that’s no reason to just move out. (In Maro’s world, you can afford a single person apartment with a slightly-above-minimum wage job)

Day 9: important object

MRL: Like I’ve said, I’m bad at choosing a number one object so I’ll just list a bunch of stuff. My phone’s important, and my laptop, my Starlite Spark “Shine Brite” Album CD that’s actually autographed by the band, my Allison Sunderland figurine key chain (the only anime merch I will ever allow myself to have), aaaaaanndddd my apartment, I guess. And living essentials. I also guess.

Day 10: unusual outfit

MRL: High fashion is kind of weird. I get that it’s just a show to demonstrate your technical ability and skill or whatever, but it feels like a waste of space sometimes. How did I even get into this outfit anyways?

Day 11+26: time period+royal/poor AU

I guess it would play out like Cinderella, where Maro’s, like, a servant or something, but transforms into a prince in his dream world. His dream world would be a lot more fantasy like, or whatever time period Cinderella takes place in.

Day 12: fighting style

MRL can’t fight in real life, because then he’d get fired and arrested for beating the crap out of some customer, but MRM is free to do whatever he wants, which includes going absolutely ham on various dream NPCs with various methods and tools. He floats around really elegantly, but his attacks are really devastating. If he was in a fighting game, he’d be a slow heavy hitter, even if he looks far from the type.

Day 13: love life

MRL: It’s about what you’d expect from someone with no friends. Non. Ex. Istant. It’s really pathetic, don’t you think...?

Day 14: seduction

MRL: *likes your post* *likes your selfie* *never interacts with you in a meaningful manner* As you can see, Maro’s very shy. Too shy, in fact, to even approach someone in real life. It’s hard to seduce someone if you can’t even interact with them physically.

Day 15+19: color palette+reversed personality

If they reversed personalities, I guess that MRL would have a bold and inconsiderate front, while being more reserved deep down. It would be a pretty interesting AU, and the colors look good, too.

Day 16: doing what they do best

Sleeping! Sleeping, sleeping, sleeping. Maro’s special ability is to fall asleep whenever and wherever he wants. He can also wake up when he’s tired of dreaming, but time passes differently in the dream world, so either no time or a lot of time passes by when he wakes up.

Day 17; conflict

MRL meets a lot of unsatisfied customers at work, but the only thing to do is to quell the storm and to go along with whatever they wish. He’s not an entire pushover, but he’s not going to talk back either. MRM, however, is free of consequence to do whatever he wishes in the Dream world so he’s the type to create conflict or to react with more violence.

Day 18: alt. hairstyles

A ponytail makes MRM look very cheerleader-y doesn’t it? MRL doesn’t have enough hair to make a ponytail effective or nice looking, but he can still make one, even if he never does in the first place.

Day 19: mentor(s)

MRL: Mentors? Do teachers count? Even if I didn’t learn anything in school? I guess my parents were mentors too, but that’s just a given. There’s the guy who trained me for my job, but I haven’t seen him ever since.

Day 21: hobbies

MRL: I guess blogging is kind of my hobby. Even though I’m just talking into the void, it’s kind of comforting to imagine somebody relating with my posts. I used to like plants, but I gave up after I killed my most favorite one. Now I just... go on the internet and occasionally post things onto my blog.

Day 22: injured

It’s all in his dreams, so it’s okay if MRM dies or gets hurts.

Day 23: major flaw

Maro’s apathy to the world around him would probably be his biggest flaws. His general “who-cares” attitude makes him rather self centered. It’s hard for him to find use in living to the fullest, or self care, or caring for others, which is why he’s so mediocre.

Day 24: alt. outfits

Work uniform (Polo shirt, nametag, hard pants, shoes) Shopping (Hoodie, t-shirt, sweatpants, shoes) At Home (Blanket, t-shirt, underwear)

Day 25: drunk

Maro rarely gets wasted, because it’s kind of hard to get back home when you have nobody to call, but when he gets drunk he can’t dream properly so MRL gets all fuzzy and weird.

Day 27: bath

Maro takes showers most of the time, but on occassion, takes a nice bubbly bath if he feels like it.

Day 28: losing something loved

I nearly lost a key chain because the ball chain unclasped, but I found it right away. But if Maro lost his Allison Sunderland keychain forever, he’d probably cry and then accept it with apathetic resignation.

Day 29: 10 years later

:)

Day 30: alt. future

Maro is actually a redesign of a previous redesign of previous redesign disguised as a separate OC with another redesign of an OC i made when I was like 12. Complicated, right? The Original design has been lost to time, but I drew some of the other people Maro used to be.

Day 31: life changing moment

Maybe one day, I’ll finish Maro’s story and you guys will be able to see for yourselves :)

until then....

[kaffeinic]

60 Question Tag Challenge!

I was challenged by @woo-for-woojin to answer all of these. To be fair, I challenged her first, but let’s not get into the details. Original post of questions by @roseyygf.

1: Selfie.

GAAAAAAAH I HATE THIS ALREADY SMH IM SO UGLY.

Lmao look at my fingers. What the hell is going on there?

2: What would you name your future kids?

I feel like that’s a joint decision, so I can’t say. Honestly, I don’t think I’ll want to have my own kids through childbirth. My family has a genetic disposition to difficulties during pregnancy. I might adopt.

3: Do you miss anyone?

A few people. Some of them I haven’t even met in person. I miss my BFF from school. I miss a few people online that I’ve fallen out of touch with. I’m always missing people. 😂

4: What are you looking forward to?

College, and moving out of my house. I’ve been itching to do both of these for years now.

5: Is there anyone who can always make you smile?

@hoshithehamster, @woo-for-woojin, @a-toxic-galaxy, my BFF from school, and my older sister. Also, I swear, @hoshithehamster and I are literally are always TALKING IN CAPS LOCK BECAUSE WE ARE IDIOTS AND WE HAVE THE WEIRDEST, MOST FUN CONVERSATIONS EVER.

6: Is it hard for you to get over someone?

Once I’ve gone all-in, yeah. When it’s a crush, not usually. I’m really slow to develop a crush on someone. Painfully slow lol. I’m cautious because I’ve been hurt by people in that regard a few times. One incident had me suicidal for a long time.

7: What was your life like last year?

Kind of the same? I didn’t have this blog open. If you had asked this regarding two years ago, I would have said that I wasn’t homeschooling, didn’t know how to play piano much, didn’t have this blog, and was very depressed because of my old schoolmates.

8: Have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

YES! Whenever I feel stuck and know I have no control of a situation, I get frustrated and find a quiet place to cry.

9: Who did you last see in person?

I’m assuming this means out of my own household. The last person I saw was my older sister and her roommates, who I am really good friends with. One of them loves coffee as much as me and it’s great! I spent the night. That was over a month and a half ago lmao. Before that, I had gone on a date at a coffee shop.

10: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Yeah. My family gets angry at me if I’m sad or angry about anything, so I hold it all in. It definitely has made life a bit harder. I make people angry when I won’t disclose my feelings to them. I just find it to be better to hold it. I have to be really comfortable with you and really love you if I’ll tell you that I’m sad/angry and why.

11: Are you listening to music right now?

Yeah. It’s Le Pire by Maître Gims. He’s a really great French singer.

12: What is something you want right now?

If this is concerning food, I’m in the mood for chicken right now lol. I need some protein. Aside from food, I’m wanting to get a pedal for my electric piano. I have no sustain and it ruins a lot of songs. 😂 It’s why I have my ko-fi open.

13: How do you feel right now?

Meh. I’m not feeling great. I have some issues with fainting. My blood pressure drops like a rock at times and I feel it coming on, if you know what I’m saying. It’s this kind of lethargic, sick feeling. I’m trying to drink a lot of water, just in case it’s about dehydration.

14: When was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

When I last visited my favourite coffee shop. For those of you who read Caffeinic, Chan’s character design is a mix of his true personality and a barista at my café of choice. He always gives me a hug when I see him, and when I say good bye. 😊

15: Personality description?

For a quick description, I’d say that INFJ, which is my MBTI type, is really accurate for me. I’ll let one of my friends try to describe me. I’m bad at describing myself lol.

Okay, but my heart is combusting. This amazing hooman, I lob her so much!!!! One of my best friends for sure.

16: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

All the time. I’m sure you all have heard Fight Song by Rachel Platten, but that line where she says, “And all those things I didn't say // Wrecking balls inside my brain // I will scream them loud tonight // Can you hear my voice this time?” really resonates with me. It was that lyric that hooked me on this song.

17: Opinion on insecurities?

I think 90% of us have them. They are humbling, which can be good, but I urge you to know your worth. I’m such a hypocrite.

18: Do you miss how things were a year ago?

Not really. Not much has changed.

19: Have you ever been to New York?

No, but I’d love to visit! I’m from the west coast lol.

20: What is your favourite song at the moment?

Ramai by Delia & The Motans. I listen to a lot of different languages in music lol. I have no idea what any of it means, so if it’s inappropriate, I apologize.

21: Age and birthday.

Internationally, 18. May 3, 2001.

22: Description of crush.

I don’t think I have a crush???? Haha. There’s this really kind, pretty hot barista at the café who seems to like me but I’m avoiding relationships, so idk. He has green eyes and black, curly hair. He’s maybe 170-180cm, but I’m not entirely sure. He looks damn good in a button up, I... wow. 🥵

23: Fear(s)?

So many lmao. I’m afraid of some trivial things, like bugs and rollercoasters, but I’m also afraid of some different items, like never having a family of my own, or of not being able to achieve my dreams.

24: Height?

154(?)cm. About 5’1.”

25: Role model?

I don’t think I have one lmao. I just try to be the best person I can be. It’s a goal in life for me to be a truly good person.

26: Idol(s).

Aren’t Idols and Role Models pretty much the same thing..? 😂 To be general, I look up to those who have studied in medical school because I know it’s a rollercoaster of difficulties and debt. I applaud them.

27: Things I hate:

This could be a very long list. Let’s go:

Unnecessary rudeness/bullying

Being forced into things I don’t like and/or am afraid of doing

Being lied to

Being stolen from

Being thrown in awkward situations

Being denied my alone time

When people make a mess that I have to clean

When I cook for people and they don’t thank me. My face just scrunched in anger while I typed this one lmao.

Arrogant/egotistic people

So many more, but I’ll cut it off there. 😊

28: “I’ll love you if...”

OOF. There’s no specific thing someone could do. If you love me, I’ll love you. I don’t mean the “awe ily” kind of love. I mean the “I will keep you out of trouble and protect you and be around you only to enjoy your company because I love you” kind of love. True love. Not that artificial crap.

29: Favourite film(s)?

Room 1408 is really good haha. I also really liked A Simple Favour. I like a lot of movies lmao. Superhero movies are always good.

30: Favourite tv show(s)?

I watched a lot of Black Mirror before we got rid of Netflix. I watch Superstore and Brooklyn 99 like they’re the gospel. I’m always down for Gilmore Girls because it’s a classic. I often watch my old childhood shows like Danny Phantom.

31: 3 random facts.

I’m assuming you mean, “3 random facts about me” lol.

I play piano.

I read “too much.” Let’s be honest, is it even possible to read too much?

I write my own stories and songs all of the time.

32: Are your friends mainly girls or guys?

Oof. My absolute closest friends are girls, but the majority of people I would consider my friends are male.

33: Something you want to learn.

Everything I can about medicine. I’m so interested in it, and I love the idea of fixing someone’s body. I’m fascinated by the weird and/or nasty things about our bodies. I hope that doesn’t sound too weird. I also wanna learn how to use a French press lmao.

34: Most embarrassing moment?

I had been selected to perform in a talent show a few years back for my old school and I got up there, face planting on the floor. Halfway through the song, I froze up and forgot the lyrics. I have never forgotten that.

35: Favourite subject?

Any form of science or Language Arts.

36: 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

Become a doctor.

Write a song that someone can perform onstage.

Clock in my 10,000 hours in piano.

Extra: I want to learn violin so badly!

37: Favourite actor/actress?

Jennifer Aniston or Nicolas Cage probably. I don’t pay much attention to actors. I also love Jeremy Renner’s work!

38: Favourite comedian(s)?

Oh lord, this question was made for me. Randy Feltface, Samuel J. Conroe, TwoSet, Ross Lynch, and many, many more!

39: Favourite sport(s)?

Volleyball, baseball, and badminton. Low/no-contact sports lol.

40: Favourite memory?

I can’t think of a specific one, but my best memories are always those random, funny moments I have with friends. I don’t think I’m ever gonna forget when my friend and I named one of her plants for the first time. I made a plant family tree. Dear lord save my soul.

41: Relationship status?

Single~

42: Favourite book(s)?

THAT IS THE HARDEST QUESTION EVER! How can I be expected to answer this???? 😂 I don’t have a favourite.

43: Favourite song ever?

Is this q&a list crafted specifically for me to not be able to answer any of the questions? 😂 I don’t have one. It changes with time.

44: Age you get mistaken for?

People always think I’m younger than I am, but if they don’t, then they over shoot it. Most people think I’m 16, or as old as 20-22. It’s crazy lol.

45: How you found out about your idol.

I’m going to interpret this as how I found out about my ult bias, who is Chan from Stray Kids. I was surfing SoundCloud and found the 3racha page. There wasn’t much there, but I liked what they had recorded. From then, I saw some of their survival show and may have kind of fallen for Channie and his personality lmao. Whoops.

46: What my last text message says.

This is the one I got while I was answering this specific question. 😊

“I feel that. I do hate unrealistic stories or stories that go on to fast like. I want to read stories where I feel like the reader could be me and not some sort of perfect girl getting the attention of all the people and fell in love withing 3 seconds and marry. I know that there must be some drama and special things to keep the story going and that's OK but I really appreciate stories who are still based more on a normal life. And you really do a good job in writing normal life stories // And tbh no story made me as happy as your barista!Chan story. It really is something different and I love it.”

Idk if the sender would be okay with me sharing that it was them, so I just copied it lol. I truly do love the feedback I get from you guys! Thank you all so much~~!

47: Turn-ons?

I’m assuming - again - that you mean romantically? I’ve always liked someone who has a decent sense of humour. Whenever I see someone working hard at their job/studies, part of me finds it... sexy? Idk. I’m weird. Save me. 😂

48: Turn-offs?

Overconfidence is a big no-no. It’s annoying as well. I can’t stand someone who truly is an idiot. Nothing turns me off more than getting a text that’s barely legible with a million abbreviations. Speak to me like someone with a brain, please. Another big turn-off is someone who is just automatically very sexual. I’m not a super sexual person, and I don’t want to hang out with someone who has a one-track mind in that sense.

49: Where I want to be right now.

The café.

50: Favourite picture of your idol?

But... he’s so pretty? How??

Sorry. I do not own these gifs/photos of Chan~

51: Star sign?

Taurus..? Idk if that’s for horoscopes lol.

52: Something I’m talented at.

Mmmmmm idk. I’m pretty mundane. I read a lot. I really would love to say I’m talented at piano, but I just don’t think I’m there yet.

53: 5 things that make me happy.

“Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens...” Sorry.

Classical music

The smell of an old book

Petrichor and/or rainstorms

Playing piano

The smell of coffee

54: Something that’s worrying me at the moment.

Everything?? 😂 I’m worried about affording college tuition at the moment. I’m a senior and it’s steadily approaching.

55: Tumblr friends?

I almost yeeted my phone across the room. This is my question. 😂

@hoshithehamster, my fellow plant mother. I think we are each other’s spirit animal lol. I love you more than you know~! As a side note: She’s model material, I swear! Soooooo pretty, inside and out!

@woo-for-woojin, the most adorable and thoughtful person ever?? Always a pleasure to speak to. She gives the coolest and cutest requests ever, I’m-

@a-toxic-galaxy, one of the first people who supported this blog. I love you so much! We both have gotten a little busy lately, but I hope we never fall out of touch.

@doubleknot42, I guess more of an acquaintance? I still really want to get to know her more. The content on her blog is amazing, I highly recommend.

@ethereal-chanracha, someone who I’ve just recently started talking to. We’ve learned so much about each other in such a short time and I already think she’s so awesome! If you’re down for a good conversation, hit her up.

@palemoonpersephone, a friend I made after writing a post about my experiences at school. She is one of the sweetest, most thoughtful and hardworking people I’ve ever met. She offered to be my friend if ever I need one, and I don’t regret it. 💕

56: Favourite food(s).

Homemade granola (I make it a lot.)

Salad (Don’t @ me. I really do enjoy salad. I’m much more of an herbivore. 😂)

Most types of Chinese chicken

This spicy noodle thing I think I invented?

Italian sandwiches

Any type of spicy chip (Takis, Hot Cheetos, etc...)

Plain white rice

Gochu jang flavoured chicken

Despite this list, know that I’m a very picky eater lol

57: Favourite animal(s).

Foxes

Doggos

CATS

White tigers

HEDGEHOGS OML

58: Description of my best friend.

Y’all probably know who this is, but...

Kind

Attentive

Smart

Pretty

Passionate

gOOFY (like me)

The best plant mother in existence??? Fight me.

Patient

Empathetic

And SO much more~~!

59: Why I joined tumblr?

Initially, just to find cool posts and like/reblog whatever I enjoyed. My main blog, @assainfj, is the same blog I started with lol. It’s now become a place for me to share my thoughts and my writing and to meet amazing hoomans.

60: Ask me anything you want.

YASSSSS PLEASE I love answering your questions~~~~~! Send in as many as you’d like!

~

I tag: @hoshithehamster • @a-toxic-galaxy • @palemoonpersephone • @doubleknot42 • @ethereal-chanracha & anyone else who wants to do this!

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Fate/Zero 1 - 25 (FINAL)

Most of these notes stayed intact during Fate/Stay Winter posts, but I’m releasing them in an unedited version here (aside from the dotpoints and read more, of course).

Fate/Zero 1

For some reason, I have it recorded that I’ve watched F/Z ep. 1, but I don’t remember it!  I only remember Saber fighting someone…that’s why I have notes for this ep too.

Ewwwwwww…what’s that in the Macedonian box…?

Oh! Heaven’s Feel is the name of one of the movies that came out this year or last.

LOL, the grandparents of Waver literally refer to him as “Waver”. I thought it was a title. Is it really his name???

I’m very good at making connections between seemingly disconnected things using only the things I know. I predict Kariya’s in for a verrrrrrrry bad time and will probably die in this Grail War, if not go bananas. I already know Rin, Ilya (the Einzbern child) and Sakura are already part of the Fate/ canon, so they’re probably going to fight in a Grail War as well.

Ahhhhhhh! B*stard Archer (that is, Gilgamesh)! He’s hereeeeeeeee!

What’s that counter on the ep title card…? Is it the time until the Grail War…?

Fate/Zero 2

I’ve seen enough spoilers being bandied about that I already know Rider is Alexander the Great.

Like, seriously, why do we call the dude “Waver Velvet”? What’s his real name?

Kiritsugu acts as Ilya’s dad, but…I’m pretty sure he isn’t her dad. Kiritsugu’s surname is Emiya, right? He’s Shirou’s dad, as far as I know. Then again, I only know what I know from being around Fate/ fans for so long.

LOL, there are far too many dragons in this name – Ryuunosuke Uryuu.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh! Is this Giant B*stard Archer???? Is this Giant B*stard Archer??? (i.e. Gilgamesh) Oooooooooh! No wonder people like Gilgamesh, even though they call him a giant loveable b*stard.

Fate/Zero 3

Thy don’t call Rider that for nothin’, eh?

I wonder how Saber managed to get a passport…? She’d need one, eh?

Oh…CGI car…it’s burning my eyesssssssss! (although I do believe Troyca didn’t do any better with El-Melloi’s Case Files)

“Hotel in Fuyuki” – They couldn’t be any more explicit with this stuff, could they…?

“…Highness.” – I can see why Saber is so popular with the Fate/ fans now.

Huh? I seem to remember the battle that comes next! Damn *bleep* <- (censored name of anime club manager responsible for the anime marathon that caused me to go from the beginning of F/Z in the first place)! I definitely remember Saber fighting Lancer.

Fate/Zero 4

(sorry, seen this one! That’s where the confusion was! So no notes here!)

Fate/Zero 5

Berserker looks like Goblin Slayer covered in smoke…LOL.

…Well, they don’t call that guy Berserker for nothin’ either.

Rider would make a great Santa Claus, LOL.

Fate/Zero 6

Isn’t there a Joan of Arc in the Netflix Fate/ (Apocrypha)?

Dang, that Kayneth is an evil b*stard, alright!

Kirei is basically Wolverine…?

No wonder you never hear about Caster when people talk about Fate/…he’s neither hot nor a waifu…so nobody gives a s*** about him.

Fate/Zero 7

Is that a Gantz?

Wait, y’mean Rider is motivated…by pants? *spits* Hahahaha…

You can see Ufotable’s much-praised CGI at work here, too.

I can definitely see why Ufotable was chosen for Katsugeki and why they chose Izuminokami for their protag.

Had to google Jeanne to remember what she looks like in this universe, but yeah…she does look like Saber.

For some reason, I had a fleeting thought that Lancer would be the one to be on the mountain alongside Saber…I was right.

So basically, the entire Fate/ series is this: who would win? A mage or an assassin? (Or something like this.)

Fate/Zero 8

I still think Kirei is basically Wolverine.

Kiritsugu = “to cut and tie”.Update: It’s “to tie” and “to inherit”, apparently.

F/Z 9

I wonder…just what is Lancer’s motivation for the Grail? Surely, Servants have their own motives…

I literally covered my eyes when Sola-Ui bent Kayneth’s finger back…it was almost as bad as seeing Nozomi get tortured (Magical Girl Spec-Ops Asuka)…*gulp*

“Not well” is an understatement, Sola-Ui.

I had to google how old Waver was in this Grail War…he’s 19, apparently, so right in my strike zone right here, so to speak~.

Beleaguered Waver is what you cool kids would call the 2020 Mood…and yes, I’m watching this on the 1st of January, 2020 (but you’re reading this after I put it up later in the month), so I’m keeping the comment.

“What kind of moron would go busting in?” – *facepalm* It seems Rider would.

What the heck is Rider riding his chariot over on the floor, anyway? What’s up with these sewer creatures ? They’ve got tentacles…!

F/Z 10

Rin reminds me of Asuka (NGE)…*gulp* That can only mean bad things for her.

Zenjo? I’ll make a note of that name.

That one glowing sign says “Fuyuki Station”.

Rin no Bouken = Rin’s Adventure. I don’t see why the subbers included “Big” in there, tbh.

F/Z 11

Uh-oh. Why do I get the feeling Saber’s going to get very, very drunk…?

Gee whiz, the great b*stard is a narcissist…

Well, sometimes I forget I had “Archer = Gilgamesh” spoilt for me ages ago…probably because he’s all over Babylonia, not to mention he seems to be one of the more popular characters precisely because he is the great b*stard.

“I wish for my homeland’s salvation.” – An interesting thing to say, considering Brexit.

What the f*** is a Gordius…oh, okay. So that’s Rider’s chariot.

How many Assassins are there??? I thought there was just the one, but there were 4 last time.

This discussion is interesting…no wonder Saber got mistaken for Joan of Arc back in the day.

Welp, Assassins gotta assassinate…*shrugs*

Eyyyyyy…there’s this one guy who looks basically like an older Waver Velvet! That explains a few things, I think.

F/Z 12

“Ramasonic” (sic).

I still think Gil-I mean, Archer’s snakeskin pants are hilarious.

I feel like last episode was a lot better in regards to how good Fate/ could be. This episode is just Ufotable animating talking Gilgamesh and Kirei heads.

Why do I get a bad feeling something bad’s going to happen to Maiya…again?

Kirei trying to look bada*s while leaning against a wall…it looks sort of funny, to be honest with you…because he bends his neck at a funny angle.

F/Z 13

This is the end of the 1st cour, apparently…according to AniList, at least.

“…5 billion people.” – I think the number is 7 billion now, but okay.

Never leave your Servant unsupervised, amirite?

I saw one of the bookstore’s shelves has science fiction on it…hmm, in a show with magic, that seems ironic…or was that non-fiction? Also somewhat ironic.

Oh, this “Don’t you want to do anything fun?” from Rider to Waver is an interesting parallel to Kirei’s episode (the previous one).

Dragon guy’s off his rocker…seriously.

Paraphrasing here, but “…if you want to use the Grail to make yourself taller…” – then stick to milk and other calcium products, Waver…LOL. I mean, other anime characters do.

Even Saber Naruto runs! There are no aliens here…but that car does have gull-wing doors (<-had to google what the doors were called), so…is it a DeLorean or something? Then someone could time travel instead.

I thought one of the previous commands from the overseers was to defeat Caster…?

Fate/Zero has become a kaiju movie, LOL.

Scared Waver is also a 2020 Mood…LOL.

F/Z 14

What’s this “Giant of Light” business…?

Geesh…If Ufotable did a Godzilla movie, I would watch that…(now that this monster makes me think of that possibility.)

This is a small quibble, but is it “Diabolo” or “Diablo”?

Somehow it didn’t even hit me until the fight was halfway over…but does Gilgamesh control a flying airship as part of his Noble Phantasm?!

Pretty scenery or not, talking people standing still are just that…not very entertaining, for sure. It’s basically the only flaw of this series, aside from the fact it hasn’t plumbed the depths of its themes yet.

Ufotable’s clouds look kind of like Gainax’s in Houkago no Pleiades, huh?

Tokiomi seems to blame Kariya for the whole sister vs. sister thing. Hmm, it really just shows how demented the guy is.

F/Z 15

Berserker is only ever in CGI, huh? No wonder Ufotable was given the job.

“That’s…from King Arthur’s legend…” – Can I please interrupt with the Excalibur song? (I’m annoying like that and want to ruin your level of immersion, that’s why.)

Hey, who knew? We get to see Joan in this anime, too. Thank you, Ufotable and Type Moon for saving me a Netflix subscription.

F/Z 16

“Things have been rather hectic this evening.” – Well, you don’t say…

*Saber and Lancer start their fight * - I detect signs there may have been people shipping Saber and Lancer at this point in time, what with their mutual ideas of honour and such.

Kayneth is kind childish, LOL – he’s like a kid peeping at his parents while they complain to each other about a hard day’s work or something.

Uh, this curse from Lancer here is definitely gonna be relevant later, right…?

I was muttering, “Oh goodness” (<- I’m self-censoring here, but you get the point) a few times over when Kiritsugu and Maiya finally got around to killing Kayneth, Lancer and Kayneth’s fiancee. By the way, were those two ever married…? Also, this makes me wonder…what would happen if you got a completely useless Servant? Like “King of Fools” or something. It would sound like the Familiar of Zero, sure, but it would be an interesting exercise in making a compelling narrative.

F/Z 17

Dangit, B*stard Archer. Disappearing just after you provoked Kirei…

Oh! I found the Avalon scene confusing at first, but now that they explain it, it makes a lot more sense.

“As I live and breathe, Kirei!” – Sounds mighty ironic for a meant-to-be-dead historical figure to say that.

F/Z 18

We jump to someone else’s story…or do we?

For some reason, I think this beach place is based on Okinawa. (It seems like the best match.)

“This isn’t a game.” – Seems highly ironic, given his current situation.

I know Kiritsugu is probably looking into Shirley’s eyes, but all they show is the boobs downwards, so I imagine it to be fanservice.

That shaking was just to disguise the bad animation, wasn’t it…?

…and suddenly, zombies!

Well, that’s great, Kiritsugu. You ended up burning down a village by association. Good job…

“Vampires.” – Well, that wasn’t the word I was expecting…

For some reason, I think this new arrival is a woman, but now that I get a proper look at their face, they kinda look like the Great B*stard (Gilgamesh). Update: It looks like they have cleavage, but then they also kinda resemble Samatoki (Hyp Mic)…so, uh…I dunno. Update 2: Okay, she’s a woman…Natalia, to be precise.

The houses on fire look a lot like the ones in Katsugeki, come to think of it.

F/Z 19

Wait, what’s a Mystic Code again…?

Oh, I didn’t think this show would do it, but there’s a good few seconds of recap. I know, because I had to skip it.

Oh, the reason Kiritsugu doesn’t seem to ally with the Association or the Church is because Natalia wasn’t part of either. Right…I’m so dumb.

Am I just reading into Kiritsugu’s pose here too much, or does he look like Christ the Redeemer a bit…?

There’s something oddly pretty about Vorzak. Then again…it’s too bad he’s designated to be dead.

I could tell Kiritsugu was CGI for a second…but he was in fog. Dangit, Ufotable. You know how to disguise your CGI well.

…Okay, those bees were very CGI. Scrap what I just said.

Bees on a plane. What a way to die.

I’ve noticed Kiritsugu’s eyes don’t have any pupils in them. They’re always kind of dead, but not in th same way En’s (<- from Boueibu) are.

What happened to Kiritsugu’s mother…?

The extended flashback seems to be the best way to my heart, assuming you can pull it off properly.

What’s with that “sometime, somewhere”?

F/Z 20

There hasn’t been a proper OP since 3 episodes ago.

Was Maiya ever interested in Kiritsugu as a woman? This vague pseudo-harem sorta annoys me, which is why I need answers.

The crows in this show aren’t very fluffy. Not that I have a problem with that…it’s just a bit random (and I’m saying that as I operate without much sleep and will have a huge period of getting up early in my near future, so you’re probably going to see even more randomness coming from my brain).

Modanyaki. Never thought I’d be googling a Japanese concept for this anime.

This sleeping bag Waver reminds me of Aizawa, but this is at least 4 years too early for that.

That cloud in the top left is shaped funny…like a knight, maybe? (There’s a triangular bit that looks lik a helmet.)

I believe the bird is a bush warbler (uguisu), based on the colour.

So this is where you learn what the f*** a Gordius Wheel is…right.(sounds a bit pissed)

Seeing Kariya squirm…it makes me thank my lucky stars I had the sound off. My imagination makes the scene worse, though.

So fakers beget fakers and killers beget killers, huh? Not surprising.

“I’ve always told him he was doing the right thing.” – Because you didn’t know any better, huh, Iri?

F/Z 21

“Knight on Two Wheels” – What would that knight be riding, a bike…? (somewhat sarcastic)

…A motorbike. Close enough. (not sarcastic anymore)

The motorbike’s plate says “Fuyuki - Te” – instead of a licence plate combo, Japan has a single hiragana.

Well, at least now I know why you never hear of Kariya outside Fate/Zero much…those worms don’t give him long to live.

Isn’t Tokiomi dead though…?

Holy s***, Kariya, you just got framed! *yells in the tone of voice as if Kariya got owned…which he did, in a sense*

*brow furrowed* What’s up with the framing of Aoi’s killing that makes this seem like attempted rape…?

Kirei looks all dead inside. (LOL) I know it’s the animators’ fault that they didn’t bother with him in that scene, but…he has the eyes of a dead fish there, y’know? I can’t help but laugh.

F/Z 22

Never in my life have I seen a grandpa want to talk on the roof.

The grandpa reminds me of Rider…that’s probably where part of their relationship comes from.

You can see the lack of sleep is getting to Kiritsugu right now…his face looks a little sunken…

…Fate/ is apparently pretty infamous for treating its women badly from a feminist persepctive and I think I get why now…(referring to the death of Aoi and now Kirei’s treatment of Iri)

I think the scariest part of F/Z is watching th emotionless guy learn how to feel…kinda like Equilibrium, y’know?

Hmm? I wonder how this show will choose to end, since it’s signalling its end from 3 episodes out?

I predicted Rider would say something along the lines of “…befitting of the Rider class” and lo and behold! He did!

So Rider can summon a single horse as well as the entire chariot? *Saitama face* Okay then.

Number of Times Waver Appears: 1, Number of Times Waver Cries: 1, Number of Times Waver Blushes: 2

Come to think of it, even though I had that weird “Ohhhhhh! Great B*stard Archer!” reaction at first, Gilgamesh has shown up in most of the worst scenes of this show so far (basically, most of the “talking heads” scenes where he talks shop with Kirei). Then again, my change in feelings probably because I’ve had to keep a special eye out for Waver and knew Saber was the poster girl for the entire series.

The counter appears to be “time until the Holy Grail War”…well, that or its final conflict.

F/Z 23

I like how Waver’s joining in with Rider’s yelling.

I have the sound off, so now I’m just mentally narrating Sakura with this creepy child voice and it’s spooking me out…the Urobutcher could really go toe-to-toe with Stephen King if it weren’t my imagination…(LOL…?)

I feel sorry for that car’s owner…the car wasn’t meant to be wrecked…

I fully expect Berserker to be Lancelot or some other guy in King Arthur’s canon, judging by Saber’s reactio-hey, who’s Arondight…? Update: Oh, f***. It really is Lancelot. Turns out Arondight is the name of Lancelot’s sword. How did I know? There’s that upcoming Camelot adaption, isn’t there? Connect the dots.

Oh, f*** me – I feel conflicted. On the one hand, Lancelot’s hella handsome (and his dark hair is exactly my kinda thing), on the other hand…doesn’t he look like he came out of Castlevania or Vampire Hunter D or something??? F***in’ vampires!

Oh, f*** again, I stand corrected. Lancelot was handsome, before he became a Caster-looking…thing.

*bursts into spontaneous laughter* The new Lancelot looks kinda like Tsukasa from Dr Stone, LOL.

Number of Times Waver Cries: 2

Wait, isn’t Bucephalus Greek??? Update: No, he wasn’t. He was Alexander the Great’s horse. That explains why he’s Rider.

I was wondering how Waver managed to live long enough to be El-Melloi II when he was stuck in a battle to the death. Welp, that’s how he did it, folks! *points at screen*

Number of Times Waver Cries: 3…but…anti-climax, much, f***in’ Gilgamesh???

Uh, what’s up with Psalm 23:4? (I had to google that snippet of the Bible to find out its citation.)

LOL, Kirei and Kiritsugu have very similar faces. Didn’t realise that until now.

F/Z 24

It’s weird seeing Kirei full of fighting spirit…He’s still frickin’ Wolverine, though.

Is this taking cues from the Matrix? I bought it from the charity store the other day because I haven’t seen it yet, but I know Bullet Time from TV Tropes.

Now Kirei is channeling Bruce Lee, LOL.

Ouch…the bullet to the hand reminds me of the nail gun scene in The Island (which still freaks me out to this day). (…and now I’ve gone and done it – every time I think of that movie, I get the song The Island – part 1, at least - in my head as well.)

I can almost see Sakaido (from ID: Invaded) in some of these scenes instead of Kiritsugu…trust Ei Aoki and associates to do that.

I went to dump a screenshot in Paint and one of my Fate/ backgrounds from one of the previous posts was set to my background! (I have my backgrounds set to rotate every 12 hours and I have over 600 pictures for that purpose.) *sighs happily and incredulously* Well, whaddaya know…sometimes the stars do align.

I almost expected Shirley to appear, but it turns out it was Iri instead.

Kiritsugu still has his Command Seals so he’s still connected to the Grail War somehow…hmm…

C’mon, I predicted Gilgamesh would compliment Saber when she was down and bleeding.

F/Z 25 (FINAL)

Who’s Lord Justeaze?

Sakura has the same eyes as Kiritsugu. Dead, lifeless eyes.

Did Kariya just throw himself to the worms???

The Great Naked B*stard Gilgamesh.

A priest is a zombie, huh? How ironic.

Isn’t Gilgamesh annoyed by his lack of clothes…? Update: Never mind. He gets a cloth soon enough.

Wait, if Saber destroyed the Grail, who won…?

Huh? The timer ran out.

Aw, even Waver’s growing up.

One of the books says 零戦 (reisen) which apparently means “Zero Fighter [Plane]”. One of the sets of books says “William Shakespeare”, who I know is a Servant somewhere in the Fateverse.

The Bible verse is Job 19:25.

Lancelot’s head doesn’t disappear when the rest of him fades away…It’s pretty poignant.

Jubstacheit is the head of the Einzberns. Update: Think I had to google that.

“Becoming a hero has an expiration date.” – As much as I know that in my creative heart to not be true, my adult heart says yes, it’s true.

Welp, that’s the end of one series. Time for another.

[gimmesumsuga]

50 Questions Tag

tagged by the illustrious @cinnaminsvga (thankoo Zee, Ily) 

This could get longwinded, so it’s going under the cut... 

1. What takes up too much of your time? 

Admin related stuff at work.  Chasing up appointments, making endless phone calls... 

2. What makes your day better? 

Lots of different things!  An unexpected compliment, coming home to find my fella has bought us something extra special nice for dinner, getting snuggly and warm on the sofa watching one of my fave tv shows (I’m addicted to Luther, atm)

3. What’s the best thing to happen to you today? 

I’d been given a work-related task to do that had the potential to be horrendously long-winded and time-consuming, but it turned out to be not nearly as bad as I’d thought it would! 

4. What fictional place would you like to go to? 

Middle earth, most definitely.  I’d love to spend some time with the Hobbits!  

5.  Are you good at giving advice? 

Uhhhmm... I suppose it depends on what kind of advice people are looking for.  I’ll usually always try to give practical solutions to problems, and then find it difficult when there isn’t one I can give.  I also worry so much that I might be giving bad advice that sometimes I’m afraid to say much at all.  

6.  Do you have a mental illness?

Luckily, I’ve always been blessed with fairly good mental health.  I’m so thankful for that.

7.  Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? 

Nope, and I have absolutely no desire to.  

8. What musician inspired you the most? 

It’s going to have to be BTS.  I’ve never written for any other fandom as much as I have for this one. 

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

I have, many a time.  I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic tbh.

10. What’s your dream date? 

I’m pretty traditional and boring like this, really!  I guess it depends on what number date it is, too.  I’m someone that embarrasses easily so I’d hate to be taken on something totally out of my comfort zone before I know that person really well.  

Just going out to a movie and then getting something tasty to eat afterwards is good enough for me.  Or maybe dinner and then drinks at a bar?  Something where we’ve actually got time to talk to each other properly. 

11. What do others notice about you? 

Uhmm... apparently I have a nice smile! 

12.  What’s an annoying habit you have? 

I don’t know quite how to describe this but I have a tendency to... ask questions as a way of hinting at things lol  I remember one of my friends doing my nails once and I was like ‘oh... were you going to do ‘x/y/z’ too?’  and she was just like, Steph, if you want it doing just SAY that’s what you want, don’t just dance around it.  

I guess that’s pretty annoying lol I’m sure there are other things, too.  

13. Do you still talk to your first love? 

HA.  Noooooooooooooooo.... 

14. How many exes do you have? 

Oh dear. Uh. This might take a while.  

*much counting on fingers later* 

Like... 10?  

15. How many songs are on your playlist? 

I don’t really have a playlist, to be honest.  I use spotify and just put that shit on shuffle.  

16.  What instruments can you play? 

In school, I played both the cello and the flute, but I doubt I’d be any good at them now.  I can also play one song on the piano really well, but just that one song lol 

17. What do you have the most pictures of? 

It’s gotta be either BTS or my doggo, Shiro

18. Where would you like to go before you die? 

The Grand Canyon. 

19. What’s your zodiac? 

Taurus! 

20. Do you relate to it? 

Lord, yes, and I think it shows in some of the answers I’ve given up above (like what makes me happy and what my dream date would be)

21. What is happiness to you? 

A hug from someone I love, a comfortable blanket, and a full stomach.  

22. Are you going through anything right now? 

A bit of writer’s block, I suppose.  Procrastinating doing this probably isn’t helping lol 

23. What’s the worst decision you ever made? 

I can think of a couple of exes that spring to mind haha

24. What’s your favourite store?

Hm.  If we’re talking designer, I love All Saints.  Oooohhh, I LOVE Paperchase though, too.  I could spend a fortune in there. 

25. What’s your opinion on abortion? 

I pro-choice, but I have to admit it starts to get my back up a little bit when people use it as a form of contraception rather than a last resort.  

26. Do you keep a bucket list?

Can’t say I do, nope. 

27. Do you have a favourite album? 

I really do love Love Yourself: Answer.  It has so many great tracks 

28. What do you want for your birthday?

Seeing as it’s coming up next Tuesday, I’ve been asked this quite a lot just lately lol the only thing I can think of is a Fitbit, really.  I’ve been working out quite a lot lately and I’d be interested to know what it’s looking like calorie-wise.  

29. What are most people’s first impressions of you? 

I have no idea!  I hope they’re positive.  I think most of the people I come across professionally tend to think I’m a lot younger than I actually am when they first meet me.  

30. What age do you seem according to most people? 

Ha, I didn’t even see this question before writing that last answer!  Um, most people put me at around 23-25 when I ask them.  Hopefully, it stays that way! 

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? 

Under my pillow.  I know, I know, it’s a bad idea. 

32. What word do you say the most? 

I really don’t know.  There’s nothing that sticks out particularly.  

33. What’s the oldest age you would date? 

Hm.  I’d probably date a 40-year-old but no older than that.  I think it’s all well and good at the age I am now, but a ten year age gap might really start making a difference as time goes on. 

34. What’s the youngest age you would date? 

I think 20 is my maximum, and even that seems a big gap this way around.  Plus it really depends on the maturity of that person.  

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you? 

No-one’s really made that kind of observation in a very long time, to be honest. I know my manager is currently trying to get me ready and primed to take over when she retires, though lol 

36. What’s your favourite music genre?

I like all sorts, really.  I guess I’m a pop-rock girl at heart.    

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?  

Despite the rain, I quite like the UK!  Although Australia would be a nice option if I could take all my family with me. 

38. What is your current favourite song?

It’s gotta be Make it Right.  Man, I can’t get it out of my head. 

39. How long have you had this blog for?

I believe it’ll be 2 years in July! 

40. What are you excited for? 

My bachelorette party this weekeeeeeend!!  And my wedding, of course haha

41. Are you a better talker or listener? 

Either!  I give as good as I get

42. What is the last productive thing you did? 

Finished that work thingy today

43. What do you want for Christmas? 

My mum’s Christmas dinner.  Her roast potatoes are fucking amazing. 

44. What class did you get the best grade in?  

English Literature and RE (religious education). I got an A* in both subjects, and a First in my degree.  

45. On a scale of one to ten, how are you feeling right now?

Eh, I’d go for a 7.  I’m alright! 

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years? 

Complaining to my husband about what a fucking mess the house is because of our two kids, most likely.  

47. When did you get your first heartbreak? 

When I broke up with my first ever boyfriend, I guess 

48. What age do you want to get married? 

Well, I mean it’s happening next month sooooo 30! lol 

49. What career did you want to have as a child? 

I think I wanted to be a vet for a while.  I also wanted to be a traffic warden.  It STILL pisses me off when people park in parking spaces that they shouldn’t. 

50. What do you crave right now? 

The dinner I can smell my brother-in-law cooking.  I’m hungry, damn it. 

Wooooooow that was long! 

Imma tag @readyplayerhobi @johobi @hoseokiehopie @underthejoon @kpopfanfictrash @floralseokjin and anyone else who’d like to do it! 

[emospritelet]

KoL Prompt: 26 - “Whisky is a perfectly acceptable alternative to turkey”

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9] [Part 10] [Part 11] [Part 12] [Part 13] [Part 14] [Part 15] [Part 16] [Part 17] [Part 18] [Part 19] [Part 20] [Part 21]

AO3 link

Gold was beginning to wish he hadn’t agreed to come out for a drink.  Granny’s bar had been reasonably quiet when he and Dorothy had arrived, but now the dinner service was in full swing, and the raucous laughter and clatter of cutlery against plates was making him flinch.  Jefferson suggested that they get a booth, which cut a little of the noise, and ordered burgers and fries for the two of them, slapping the large padded envelope he had brought on the table next to him.  Gold wasn’t hungry, but he didn’t say anything about the burger, figuring that Jefferson wouldn’t listen, and Dorothy would probably eat it if no one else did.

He wished that he could stop stressing out over what she might find out; he told himself that it was likely that Belle both had a boyfriend and was happy with him.  After all, who would ever treat her poorly, if they were lucky enough to be with her?  Her boyfriend would be intelligent and funny and outgoing, easily making friends and with a good career.  He was probably the outdoors type, which was why he looked tanned. The two of them no doubt went hiking or skiing together.  She would have met him at college, and they would go on to get married and settle in a pretty little suburban house and have three kids who they would take upcountry at the weekends.  She’d be happy.

Jefferson was rattling on about some new procedure he’d been reading about, but Gold was only listening with half an ear as he constructed the perfect life for Belle inside his head.  Eventually Jefferson sighed, clicking his fingers in front of Gold’s eyes and making him jump.

“You’re not even listening, are you?” he said, sounding both irritated and amused.

“Sorry,” said Gold, and Jefferson shook his head.

“Fine, I’ll stop with the work talk,” he said.  “Thought it might pull you out of yourself for awhile.  You done with that drink?”

Gold nodded, pushing his glass across the table and reaching into his pocket for some cash.

“Next round’s on me.”

“Fine, but you’d better eat something when the food gets here,” warned Jefferson.  “I’m not carrying you home, okay?”

“Don’t fuss,” sighed Gold.

“Yeah, you can say that, but I still remember Glinda’s birthday party.  I’m not doing duets with you when you’re drunk: you can’t hold a high note and it cramps my karaoke style.”

Gold chuckled.

“I promise to pace myself,” he said.  “Are you working Christmas Day?”

“Nah, Whale said he’d cover,” said Jefferson.  “I covered last year, and it’s nice to spend the whole day with Grace.  You could always come over, you know.  Have Christmas dinner.”

“I’m working,” said Gold.

“After your shift, then,” said Jefferson.  “I don’t like thinking of you alone with a bottle of whisky on Christmas Day.”

“Whisky is a perfectly acceptable alternative to turkey,” said Gold absently.

“As a doctor I can assure you that isn’t the case.”

“Well, maybe I’ll come over for a drink, then,” he said, sitting back.  “It’ll probably be late, though.”

“There’ll be plenty of leftovers, don’t worry.”

“Thank you,” said Gold, and meant it.  “I suppose you’re off work on New Year’s Eve, too?”

“I’m gonna be in this place, waiting to see out the year with a bang,” confirmed Jefferson.  “You working?”

“As always.”

“Next year you should let someone else take over for once.”

“You volunteering?” asked Gold, with a grin, and Jefferson pulled a face.

“Oh, God no!”

“Thought not.”

The diner door opened with a blast of cold air, and they both looked around as Dorothy hurried over, shrugging out of her coat and pulling her hat from her head.

“Right,” she said briskly, fixing Gold with a beady eye.  “It’s as I thought.  You’re a fucking moron and the guy she’s with is just a friend.  Engaged to someone else, as it happens.  So would you pull your pretty head out of your ass and ask the poor girl out before she dies of old age?”

Gold felt his heart clench, but he tried to keep his emotions in check, reaching for his glass before realising it was empty and letting his fingertips dance awkwardly on the table top.  He licked his lips.

“She’s - she’s single?” he asked, and Dorothy rolled her eyes.

“I’d like to ask what gave you the impression that she wasn’t, but we all know low self-esteem’s a fucking drag, so just trust me on this one, okay?  She’s single.  Very single and very in love with you and very eager to say yes if you just fucking ask her.”

“Right,” he said, his voice echoing strangely in his head.  “Right.  Okay.  I - I’ll give it some thought.”

“I swear by all the gods…” she sighed, sinking into the seat opposite.  “Fine.  I’ve done my bit, it’s up to you now, you big dork.  Is that my drink?”

“I ordered a couple of burgers, as well,” said Jefferson.

“Good, I’m starving.”

She took a slurp of her drink, and Jefferson waved a hand to get Ruby’s attention.  She blushed a little as she came over, and Dorothy became very interested in her drink.  Gold rolled his eyes.

“Can we get another round?” asked Jefferson.  “And maybe an extra portion of fries?”

“Sure thing!” chirped Ruby.

She jotted down the order before trotting off, and Gold eyed Dorothy.

“You know, for someone who talks a lot of shit to me about asking people out, you’re really no better,” he said, and she frowned.

“Shut up.  I’m - preparing myself.”

“To do what?” asked Jefferson.  “Perfect the art of telepathy and ask her out that way?”

“Don’t you start on me,” she said, wagging a finger.  “I don’t see you dating anyone.”

He shrugged at that.

“Too busy being a dad,” he said.  “If Grace suddenly turns around and decides she wants another parent, I’ll be back on the market.  Besides, I haven’t had anything more serious than a one-nighter in years, and I’m way too pretty to get hurt.”

“Why am I taking relationship advice from you two idiots?” remarked Gold.

“Because we care,” said Dorothy.  “And we want to see you coming into work happy.”

“With that post-coital glow I just know Belle wants to give you,” added Jefferson.  “And that you’re just dying to give her.”

Gold frowned at him.

“I’m stressing out enough about my Secret Santa present, without worrying about something that will probably never happen, thank you.”

“Well, you could always give her one of these,” announced Jefferson, patting the padded envelope in front of him.

“What’s in there?”

“Our calendars, what do you think?”  Jefferson beamed as Gold groaned.  “I got some advance copies.  They’re shipping the rest next week.  I’m on the front cover!  Take a look!”

He opened up the envelope, sliding out three of the calendars and handing them over.  Jefferson’s picture graced the front, a pose which had him looking off into the distance as he prepared a syringe, one knee up on the edge of a gurney, the leg bent enough that it hid his genitals.  His belly was pulled taut, his muscles well-defined, and Gold could understand why he’d made the cover.

“Well, you look good,” he admitted.  “Perhaps they didn’t bother adding my picture in.  No doubt it would spoil the aesthetic.”

“Au contraire, Dr December,” said Jefferson.  “You look awesome.”

Gold began flipping through the calendar, grinning as he saw Miss Blanchard, photographed with a jug of water obscuring one breast and a small pot plant hiding the other, a thoughtful expression on her face.  Next was Graham, toned and perfect, one hand on the frame of a saline drip and another holding a patient’s chart in front of his groin.  Dorothy’s picture had her with her back to the camera, looking back over her shoulder with a glint in her eye and a grin on her face as she held up a blood pressure cuff.

“I look hella cute,” she observed.

“Okay, here are your dri— oh!”  Ruby’s eyes went wide as she saw the calendar, and she blushed fiercely, pushing the tray of drinks onto the table.  “Um - your order.”

“Thanks,” said Gold, and smiled at her.  “Charity calendars for the hospital, Miss Lucas.  Perhaps you’d like to buy one.”

“I - uh - sure,” she said lamely.  “I’d love to.  It’s - it’s for a good cause, right?”

“Nurse Gale is looking particularly fine, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Yeah,” she said, blushing harder as Dorothy buried her head in the calendar. “I’ll - um - just get your food.”

She rushed off quickly, dark hair swishing.

“I hate you,” said Dorothy, from behind the calendar.

“No you don’t.”

Gold turned the page, grinning as he saw Leroy with nothing but his security guard’s hat protecting his modesty.  The man was seriously hairy.  He turned the page again, revealing the month of May, and his heart skipped a beat. The picture was taken from above, and Belle was lying on the hospital gurney on her front, resting on her elbows.  She was completely naked, her feet kicked up behind her and crossed at the ankles.  Dark curls tumbled over her pale shoulders, and there was a medical textbook open in front of her, a copy of Gray’s Anatomy.  She was looking up at the camera through thick dark lashes, smiling slightly, a hint of promise in her expression, and he swallowed hard as his gaze travelled up the page, along the groove of her spine and over the perfect curves of her buttocks.  The sight of her made his heart thump.

“I’m guessing it’s gonna be May at your place for the rest of the year,” observed Dorothy snidely, and he sucked in a breath, flipping the page and seeing nothing.

“Holy crap, Gold, where have you been hiding that ass?” asked Jefferson.

Gold sighed, flipping through the rest of the calendar until he reached December.  Looking the picture over critically, he supposed it could have been worse.  He was standing with his back to the camera, only his nose and the edge of one cheekbone visible as he studied the chart in his hand, the other grasping the handle of his cane.  He supposed his butt wasn’t bad, considering.  It wasn’t exactly something he had ever looked at.

“I don’t say this often, but that is one biteable butt,” added Jefferson.  “Damn those loose scrubs!”

“For fuck’s sake,” he muttered, as Dorothy and Jefferson chuckled.

“Just think, pretty soon everyone in Storybrooke’s gonna see that ass,” said Dorothy.  “Pretty sure you’ll get some new admirers.  Zelena’s probably gonna paper her walls with Dr December.”

“Thanks, that’s not at all terrifying.”

“Here are your burgers, and one extra fries,” announced Ruby, sliding plates onto the table.  “Oh, nice ass, Dr Gold.”

Gold frowned as Dorothy and Jefferson snickered.

“Told you,” said Dorothy.

“Miss Lucas, are you single?” asked Gold suddenly, and Ruby looked confused.

“I - uh - yeah, why?”

“Oh good,” he said lightly.  “Because Dorothy here is also single and would very much like to buy you a drink.  In fact why don’t I buy you both a drink and you can go and sit in a quiet corner somewhere and get to know each other? There’s some mistletoe over by the bar, I believe it’s an excellent ice-breaker when people want to kiss each other.”

Ruby’s mouth had fallen open a little and a shade of red was spreading up her cheeks.  Dorothy rounded on Gold with a look of fury in her eyes.

“Oh, so you can’t say ‘hi’ to Belle without freaking out like a big wuss, but the chance to embarrass me and all of a sudden you can’t stop flapping your mouth?”

“Oh my God, does he like Belle?” asked Ruby, wide-eyed.

“It’s - it’s not like that…” began Gold.

“Yes it is,” said Jefferson and Dorothy, and Ruby sighed in relief.

“Thank God, I was ready to ask you out for her myself,” she said.  “She likes you, okay?  More than likes you, if you must know.  Just ask her out and stop being a dork about it.”

She wandered off, still blushing, and Gold glared at her back.

“There,” said Dorothy, sounding satisfied.  “You heard the woman.”

“Fine!” he snapped.  “I’ll do it, if only to shut you up!”

“Never gonna happen, but okay.”

Gold flipped the calendar closed, cutting off the view of his rear end and reaching for his drink.  He was going to do it.  He was going to ask her out.  It was time.

“So it’s a no on the calendar for a Secret Santa present?” asked Jefferson. “Pity, that would have been easy.”

“She’ll already have ordered one,” he said grumpily.  “I need to get her something more - her.  Unique.”

“Well, that’s easy,” said Jefferson.  “Just think about what she likes, and what would make her happy.  Then try and condense that into something that costs around thirty bucks.  Piece of cake.”

“Easy for you to say,” said Gold absently, and tapped his fingers on the table top.  Something that would make her happy.  I wonder…

A thought occurred to him, and he sat up straight as it took form.  It might take some effort, and it wouldn’t technically cost anything beyond the calling-in of a favour, but if he could make it work, it would be perfect.  He grinned as he thought about it, reaching out for one of the fries.  Perhaps the festive season wouldn’t be so bad after all.

[far-away-stars]

THE EXTREMELY DETAILED OC ASK MEME for Iegan AND Apate!! I warned you. :P Stay tuned for more. Probably.

There you are. At the best of my abilities. may it curse your sleep and bless my crops. :’D

under cut cause it’s damn fucking long. 

Illyrio

1. Age, Birthday, Star Sign

So, I don't really have month/day precise birthdays for my ocs? :'D I don't even know how that would work on SW and I suck at star signs so… I can say Illyrio is born in 3682 BBY and that makes him 42 during the events of Makeb (which is the year he meets Muhn, if that works as a reference), and that I fancy calling him a Scorpio cause I guess it kinda fits. 

2. Gender Identity

Cis man. It never really went further for him, he always was comfortable that way.

3. Orientation and Relationship status (single, taken (by who?), crush (on who?))

Bisexual. Married to Muhren in 3637 BBY in canon universe; alternatively fancying his mess agent Blakk in other ones and .. well, both in some others. >>

4. Race and Ethnicity

Human, in SW standards, and then I couldn't really go in many more details 'cause, well, I still kinda want it to apply to his universe rather than trying to stick Earth labels and I don't have a clear faceclaim… let's stick to "not white".

5. Height and Body type

He's 1m77 aka 5'9". He's not overly muscular, but still very much in shape. He has a pretty athletic body even if he's essentially built for agility.

6. Headcanon VA

I cannot find headcanon VA for the love of me, so, well, I suppose simple the Inquisitor VA for now. :'D Euan Morton is a Broadway actor and singer after all.

7. Occupation

Dark Council Elite, leader of the Sphere of Expansion and Diplomacy, with direct oversee on the Voss' diplomatic situation.

8. Weapon of Choice(?)

already answered here

9. Hometown and current residence

He was born on Ziost, in a slave breeding and training facility. He lived some years in an apartment at Dromund Kaas but now has set residence in his mansion on Voss, despite his work not often allows him to spend long periods of time there.

10. Do they have any markings, piercings or scars?

They have a number of scars, most prominent being the slave marking on his face, the whip scaring on his back and the lightsaber mark on his chest.

11. Do they have any notable features, like horns, tails, or so on?

Aside from the slave markings and, I guess, the white hair (not that much of a significant feature when alien races are involved :'D ) he doesn't really have any, no.

12. Own any pets?

Nope, thank the Force, he doesn't have to deal with his daughter's Nexus anymore and he's happier this way. 

13. Have any kids?

Yes, his daughter Khatyrkite, that he had at 23 and adopted when she was 7.

14. Can they cook? Can they bake?

No. Let's leave it to that. :’D

15. Can they sing? Can they dance?

They can sing but it's not that easy to make them. They can formally dance with dignity, but not much else. Too rigid.

16. Can they drive?

Yes, but prefers to be driven around.

17. Can they fight?

Yes, double-bladed lightsaber and Force training. When younger he was also quite dangerous bare-handed but he hasn't trained that skill in a while.

18. Have any special keepsakes?

Not really… his lightsaber, I suppose. Old beads for his braid. But he isn't emotionally attached to many of his belongings. 

Interests

19. Hobbies

Some not-so-light reading, meditation, napping, listening/going to the Opera.

20. Clothing/Aesthetic

Dark clothing with gold accents, rich reds, furs, and expensive tastes. Sith aesthetic meets some vague Arabian vibes and have a hedonist child.

21. Fave food(s) and drink(s)

He likes finger-foods; salty, small quiches are probably some of his favorites. As a drink he likes fruity and spiced wines, cold or hot.

22. Fave Color

Blood red.

23. Fave Genre

History books.

24. Fave Season

Autumn.

25. City or Country?

He spends enough time in the city working, so country for his relaxing times, but he wouldn't give up the comforts of the City easily.

26. Guilty Pleasure

Power? Witch sometimes turns into sex.

Storytime

27. What’s their family like? Who’s in it? What’s their relationship with them?

Before Muhn his family was basically only his daughter, Khatyrkite, and they were close, despite Illyrio's initial efforts not to be so. She grew on him and managed to slowly but surely make his fear more of an after-though. He didn't want to get attached to someone so easy to love. An alien child with no practical education thrown into the Academy of Korriban? Khatyrkite had to work hard to prove she could do it. And he did make her work, considering it necessary that she could prove and defend herself without her father's title to protect her. They have great affection for each other, even of it's often left unspoken, and even if not as strong as before, they still have their Force bond to prove it, even to each other.

28. Are they literate? Did they go to school? How long? What level? 

They are literate, and learned most of his basic knowledge during slave training. The rest he took up keeping company to the young Master during his studies and generally during slave life. Then there was the Sith Academy and then he was taken as an Apprentice and Abraxas finished his education. He learned the rest on the way.

29. What was childhood like?

Not much of a childhood, let's say that. Studies, collars, biological engineering, slave training directed into obedience and alienation to self.

30. What was adolescence like?

Spent serving as a company slave in a high ranking noble family in Ziost. Let's say stunted.

31. What’s their current main conflict?

Finding any peace between overworking and starting to let go but risking losing status/power and a certain state of security born from habit.

32. What steps have they taken to overcome this conflict

Trusting more of his emotional baggage, vulnerability and work on his husband.

33. How have they changed over time?

He has become less.. unstable. Sith training following his slave one had pushed on many of the emotions he had been repressing beforehand, so, well, it made for a powerful Sith, but not much of an emotionally stable individual. He got in touch with more of himself and on what truly he wanted to be for his Muhn. 

For Fun

34. What’s their room look like right now?

It's a mix between his rich but organised deco and Muhn's pretty clutter and his plants. Rich, elegant colors overall, generally elegant but comfortable looking, cushions, big bed, big windows, woods, a library. His room is his comfort place, really, and probably one of the rooms he spends more time in aside from his training room and the gardens.

35. What are they like as a friend?

Bad. Bad-ish.

36. What are they like as a partner?

He.. gets better at it, given a little time. >> The sex is good.

37. Do they have any phobias?

They are not fond of deep waters, but can manage them. They detest Force inhibition devices.

38. Did/do they go anywhere special for vacations?

They haven't gone in one in… dam forever. They wouldn't know at this point, really. It's a mix between wanting to be in a place where he wouldn't be recognized and his desire to keep his status and power close.

39. Your character walks into a cafe. What do they order?

Rich, hot, spiced coffee.

40. What time do they go to bed, usually?

Depends, they are very used to an irregular sleep pattern.

41. What’s their morning routine like?

Depending on how much time they have, the very least composes shower and a minimum of beauty care, they usually pick their clothes the day before. They usually snack something quick if they have the time and take a caff or directly a stim, if need be.

42. What’s the dumbest thing your character’s done?

That's not to be discussed here.

43. What pokemon would your character be (if they’re already a pokemon/gijinka tell us what they are, and how that’s affected them)?

I.. don't really know? Struggling between a dark type or simply a snob-looking one.

44. What’s their pokemon team? Try to pick all 6.

Dear Force, so.. Any snake Pokemon is valid and he should have them, this being said : 

Arbok

Serperior

Ninetales

Spiritomb

Sableye

Chandelure

+if I may, a couple of legendaries that rule the Sith snake aesthetic :

Zygarde

Shiny Mega Rayquaza

45. Theme song (and a playlist if you’ve got it!)

I will always put "How can I refuse" here, no matter the consequences. :'D

46. If this character was in a musical, what would their motif be (what kind of instruments do you hear, what’s the tempo, ect).

Oh my god, I don't have that knowledge. Something low and a bit fear-inducing, but with a melody of strings, violins and violas, cutting it like the fresh falling of rain in between dark, tempest-heavy clouds. Some quiet, deep, rich drums.

The Deep Lore™

47. What was this character’s biggest turning point in their life, something that changed them almost completely?

Discovering he was Force Sensitive.

48. What was their lowest point? What was their highest point?

Lowest : his years at the Academy. Highest : Becoming a Darth/marrying Muhn.

49. What are some themes tied to your character’s story? I'm sorry, I'm getting too stuck with some of those deep© questions, I'm giving them up for now. :'3

50. What are some motifs associated with your character?

Villainous behavior, hedonism, manipulation, pragmatism, hyper-emotionalism.

51. What were some inspirations for your character (people, movies, games)?

Well, the Inquisitor storyline from STWOR, certainly, tho I didn't end up keeping much of it. Aside from that nothing really comes to mind but I'm sure I'm missing stuff. :/ In six years he has been through stuff.

52. How are you and your character the same? How are you different?

We struggle with other people's expectations and we don't want to be seen as weak or exploitable, I suppose. For how different we are I suppose the rest is pretty more obvious, but, mhn, I blame myself much more quickly, despite my barriers, so, well, instead of killing people I just get sad, I suppose. :'3

53. Expectations vs Reality: what did you expect and what did you get with this character?

I expected a hot, sassy, dark side playthrough. I guess I didn't expect the angst, the fluff and the attachment. :'33

54. What does your character want, and what do they need?

He wants power, but he needs to unlearn what truly gives him value.

55. What’s your character’s core trait? What’s their best trait? What’s their worst trait? When happens when these all interact with each other? see point 49.

56. What’s your overall goal with this character? Will they get a happy ending or will they succumb to their faults?

They.. eh. I don't really believe in endings? People go on, one way or another. He's much more than a simple narrative for me, now. If I were to just see how much he has already done in his life I would say he's in a happier place now, so, I'm glad. But that's not who he is either. It's not about getting him fixed, not really

---

Apate

1. Age, Birthday, Star Sign

Born in 3678 BBY, the rest is not in my book. :’3

2. Gender Identity

Non-binary/agender, intersex.

3. Orientation and Relationship status (single, taken (by who?), crush (on who?))

Bisexual, kinda taken by Kitty, but it's in the "it's complicated" folder cause we technically didn't even set a meeting point for them. :'D also, precedently entangled with Mikawlas, and generally involved with many other . >> 

4. Race and Ethnicity

Togruta. Their faceclaim-ish is Ezra Miller, so some ethnic inspiration there.

5. Height and Body type

They are 1m81 aka 5'11". They are slender with some athletic features, especially on the abdominal area. 

6. Headcanon VA

I have no clue. :'D I'm sorry.

7. Occupation

Went from sex worker to owner of the Golden Rose Pleasure Center.

8. Weapon of Choice(?)

Sniper Rifle. They don't really consider their body or their pleasure expertise a weapon, no matter its potentialities.

9. Hometown and current residence

Grew up in a Coruscanti orphanage, now resides on Nar Shadda.

10. Do they have any markings, piercings or scars?

Aside from their natural Togruta markings, nope, and if they were to get them/had got them in the past, wouldn't hesitate to have them removed.

11. Do they have any notable features, like horns, tails, or so on?

Lekku and Montrals? :'D they are curved in the front so they do catch the eye.

12. Own any pets?

No. They didn't have the position for one for a long time and then never really gotten to it. Probably scared they would do a bad job taking care of one.

13. Have any kids?

Nope.

14. Can they cook? Can they bake?

They can't really, no. :'3 they can manage a survivalist meal but they essentially rely on other to get food.

15. Can they sing? Can they dance?

They can't really sing, but it's not a passion of their so they never really did any practice worth of it. They can dance, but only a selection of simple things, essentially for their job. They don't mind dancing casually, and are pretty good at it. At least, they are pretty to look at doing so.

16. Can they drive?

They can, they shouldn't, but they can. :'D

17. Can they fight?

They are better at ranged combat, but they can throw a hell of a fight nonetheless.

18. Have any special keepsakes?

I'm not sure if they have anything of Mikawlas, or even of their orphanage life.. they spent too much time on the street, if they managed to salvage something during those years it would certainly be a precious possession for them. 

Interests

19. Hobbies

Taking care of themself with beauty products or with a mani-pedi is a luxury they couldn't afford for a long time and it does marvels to their mood so they indulge in gladly it when they have some me time. Also they have a sometimes strained relationship with their looks, so making themself pretty makes them happy. Aside from that they like simple pad games, to run and spend some time in shooting ranges.

20. Clothing/Aesthetic

They like shiny, they like precious fabrics, gold, their heels, shorts, skirts and dresses, some fashionable frills and classy, eye-catching outfits. 

21. Fave food(s) and drink(s)

They like experimental foods, jellies and escargots the most probably. If they could only drink vodka and lemon sprite they would. Also champagne.

22. Fave Color

Rose Gold.

23. Fave Genre

Detective/crime stories.

24. Fave Season

They haven't experienced much of those, living mostly in ecumenopolises, so, if it's not artificial weather they probably would have complaints one way or another. Something temperate I suppose, late spring.

25. City or Country?

City.

26. Guilty Pleasure

Aside from sex? Mhn. The thrill of the hunt, maybe. But both of those things have been incorporated in jobs for a long time, so, well, aside from having a particular relationship with both, defining them "guilty" pleasures is complicated. I guess they like being pampered, sexually or not, so there's that.

Storytime

27. What’s their family like? Who’s in it? What’s their relationship with them?

They don't have a family, nor good memories from the orphanage, so, probably the closest they got to family was, first, at Madame's institute, where they really come in touch with a positive collective/community. They started coming in touch with themself and with others in a way that was more than family than ever before. Of course they wanted to rebuild that with the Golden Rose, even if it became with times more "officious" with the number of workers and clients and regulations that came with it. But they do want people to feel safe with the Rose, and want them to feel at least a little bit like family.

28. Are they literate? Did they go to school? How long? What level? 

They are literate, and studied at the orphanage until they left, so, they are not very knowledgeable after that. They didn't continue studies, only tried to pick up some decent bases to start being more independent after Madame picked them up. They worked hard to be functional as owner of the Golden Rose, and that's where they are at. 

29. What was childhood like?

They weren't very happy at the orphanage, didn't felt like they belonged. It ended up with them running away, so...

30. What was adolescence like?

A mix between rebellious orphanage life, naive Nar Shadda and bling/bling fascination and the basically spoiled, responsibility-free life as a Crime Lord doll. It was.. maybe not as practically formative as it could have, overall.

31. What’s their current main conflict? I'm sorry, I'm getting too stuck with some of those deep© questions, I'm giving them up for now. :'3 

32. What steps have they taken to overcome this conflict? see above

33. How have they changed over time?

They became more self-aware, more conscious of themself and their choices. More independent, and such, with a bigger presence, allowing them to also create better and stronger bonds with people. With a helping hand they started shedding all the bad preconceptions they had on their life, even if it really took years and years to come to terms with some truth about themself and their past, but well, they got back on their feet. Now they have a house, they pay bills, they own and handle a host house that oversees many people that Apate wants to protect. So, well, I can't really tell how they changed, cause they didn't, not really. It was still them, all along, but I guess they own themself a bit more every day.

For Fun

34. What’s their room look like right now?

It's a pretty big room, but essentially on the minimalist side. Very clean and shiny, with its marble floors and big window on the High District. It's not cluttered and Apate doesn't spend that much time in it, but when they do they find it more peaceful for it to be essential but pretty and expensive looking in its decor and composition.

35. What are they like as a friend?

Devoted, sometimes harsh and too up-front, but also generous and affectionate.

36. What are they like as a partner?

They haven't had much experience in that field yet, so, maybe, distant, even if not on purpose. They are not really used to the practicality of building ties so ever-present and strong, they are still very much used to deal with things on their own. But very sweet, very tactile, very inquisitive, playful.

37. Do they have any phobias?

Of losing themself in someone's idea of them. Again.

38. Did/do they go anywhere special for vacations?

They haven't taken a vacation in ages, they want to quite bad. Anything different from Nar Shadda would be welcome, but they probably want the pampering vacation treatment. They do have an affinity for water, because of their ex, so maybe somewhere they could swim a bit.

39. Your character walks into a cafe. What do they order?

Everyday something different, they don't like caff but drinks it daily so spicing things up is their way. Now it's usually Terjam that buys caff for them, so they enjoy being surprised.

40. What time do they go to bed, usually?

It depends, the Rose usually "opens" late in the morning and closes later at night, but it depends if there are events or not, and if Apate has plans or not. They are more akin to the night life, and Nar Shadda Never really sleeps, so it's not unusual for them and some friends to have late evening shopping sprees or date nights or such. It will depend on how much work there had been during the day.

41. What’s their morning routine like?

They take their time. They wake up slow and then stretch and drink water and then shower, quick breakfast with either milk/yogurt/sweet cheese and some fruits while listening to radio/the news, and then make up and dressing up and then to the Golden Rose where they take a coffee and some pastries with Terjam before starting work around 10:00.

42. What’s the dumbest thing your character’s done?

Thinking it was a good idea to escape to Nar Shadda with no money or friends or knowledge of the city at the peak of 15 years old.

43. What pokemon would your character be (if they’re already a pokemon/gijinka tell us what they are, and how that’s affected them)?

Zughhh... Tsareena.

44. What’s their pokemon team? Try to pick all 6.

Shiny Goldeen

Gorebyss

Mega Diancie

Mega Altaria

Alola Ninetails

Sylveon

45. Theme song (and a playlist if you’ve got it!)

I don't really have one, ahh… Lady Gaga-ish feelings, but not as "hard".

46. If this character was in a musical, what would their motif be (what kind of instruments do you hear, what’s the tempo, ect).

Mhn, something lively and clear, but with a solid accompaniment, like some piano. Maybe a discrete but deep beat underneath, like almost a techno base.

The Deep Lore™

47. What was this character’s biggest turning point in their life, something that changed them almost completely?

There's been two. One when Mikawlas died, and Apate found themself mourning, furious, hurt and dependent on the little skills they had to survive from there on. The second was when Madame picked them up and helped them detox and then got them back on their way to manage themself independently and redefine boundaries in a way that could better connect them to themself and a thriving comfort zone.

48. What was their lowest point? What was their highest point?

Apate almost lost themself, and skipped many steps of their emotional and practical development growing up in not-so-healthy environments. They never really had a family, they rushed and yet mellowed through their adolescence without any real friends of their age, they suffered a big loss pretty young and then started living off favours and on the street without really a support and foundation to evolve. 

Then they got back to their feet, and found their ambitious drive again, and created the Golden Rose and wasn't that just *chef kiss*.

49. What are some themes tied to your character’s story?

Former drug addiction, stunt in personal growth and past trauma being overcome, sex work and its relation to their own sex drive and desire, curiosity and extroversion, sex positivism, grooming, fashion and beauty care.

50. What are some motifs associated with your character?

Unsuspected assassin, Diva, fashion expert, sexy and capable, sass master.

51. What were some inspirations for your character (people, movies, games)?

Mhnhnjnnnn I dunno. There are pieces here and there but.. nothing that flashes in my mind. 

52. How are you and your character the same? How are you different?

We like shiny things. They can pull it off.

53. Expectations vs Reality: what did you expect and what did you get with this character?

A character for smutty action, and I kinda got myself into angst but also a more vivacious and free-willed character I expected. 

54. What does your character want, and what do they need?

They want the Golden Rose to thrive, they probably need a vacation.

55. What’s your character’s core trait? What’s their best trait? What’s their worst trait? When happens when these all interact with each other? see point 31

56. What’s your overall goal with this character? Will they get a happy ending or will they succumb to their faults?

Same as Illy's point.

[sicaminion]

//thg+mutant!AU no one really ask for (+my own spin off) i dont even think i have the energy and commitment to ever finish this but whatevaaaahhh for now. Let's just spam this new side blog of mine :))))

{prev.}

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.

That afternoon Shouyou gave Natsu the bento he promised, wrapped prettily in bunny printed cloth he'd made when working in the printing machine a month ago. Today was Natsu's birthday and as per routine, each year they spent it in the woods at the back of their house. There was a small clearing there, where patches of persistent daisies gathered, facing towards the cliff that looked upon forbidden forest and the endless cloudless sky. Like every afternoons they spend on Natsu's birthday the sky was vibrant with color that day too. Pink, and purple, but mostly orange the same shade of Shouyou's hair.

Hinatas were known for their bright ginger hairs but no one had seen anyone with hair like his before. His wasn't ginger, his was orange. Like orange's orange. Long ago because of his unnatural, striking hair color, when he was little and it's normal for kids to still be without any mutations, people would assumed that he'd be one of the most powerful gifted in history. Old folks said that people with the most powerful gifts were born with some unnatural condition in their body, like the legendary small giant of their district. He had unnatural pupils not unlike a crow, the story said.

Shouyou used to hate his hair because then people saw him differently. The adults were all talking behind his back. They'd whispered and shared conspiracy theories that made him sound like some kind of monster. The other children avoided him like he's a ticking time bomb. 'Mom said that Hinata was dangerous. On the day his gift given he might kill us in accident.’ There were talks like that that made him had no friends till the age of 9. That's when Kouji and Izumi moved in from district 11 to 12.

Kouji and Izumi were both a year younger than him but they already had their gifts present. Kouji could walk himself through any physical matters. That's how he could sneaked from one factory to another without alarming the guards and sometimes helped Shouyou with his tasks. It also helped that his parents worked in the post office so he was the less poorer than the three, thus, he had lesser workloads. Meanwhile, Izumi had the ability to made everything he touched with his two index fingers multiple times heavier (or the opposite if he used both of his pinkies.) The quiet boy would help him whenever they shared the same schedule at the warehouses.

Both Kouji and Izumi had been such great friends to him. Ever since the moment they moved in they'd never been ones to listen to bad rumors about Shouyou. They befriended him then and still did so even when he was declared officially giftless and people started to avoid Shouyou for completely different reasons. ‘That Hinata is giftless, don't come near him or he'll rub his weakness on us!’—other kids used to said to him. It made the quiet, ever polite Izumi rolled his eyes, and spit angry words that would had made Shouyou and Kouji laughed and teased Izumi for losing his coolness after that.

But even giftless as he was, people still sometimes looked at Shouyou's hair weirdly and it made him self-conscious and feeling down that even his friends couldn't cheer him up. Except Natsu, his dearest most precious little sister.

“Nii-san's hair is pretty,” she had once stated proudly in front of other children his age one day when Shouyou came to pick him up from the shabby warehouse where kind Shiba-grandma taught children to read every Mondays and Tuesdays, and they had looked at him weirdly. “Pretty like sunsets and sweet sweet orange! Natsu likes nii-san's hair!”

Shouyou remembered his sister bright smile and the look of adoration in her eyes. One that reserved for her one and only brother that wouldn't be affected by other people's opinions. Because theirs didn't matter. For Natsu, Shouyou's hair was pretty, and for Shouyou, as long as Natsu likes it then he would like it too.

.

“Nii-san here, today's thankyou-bite is katsu.” Shouyou smiled as Natsu prompted him to open his mouth. It was their family tradition—for every birthday, the one who celebrate it should give others a thankyou-bite from their meals. The richer kids probably cut their birthday cake and give it to their loved ones but not the Hinatas—they would make up whatever they could from their meager birthday meals.

“Thank you Natsu.” Shouyou brushed the younger's head affectionately. He made sure he chewed the small bite as long as he could and savored the taste to remember later. Today Natsu was 8 years old. Gradually his little sister would grow up, older and more until the day come when he won't get to call her ‘little’ anymore. Natsu was savoring the food too. Shouyou had seen her praying a bit longer than usual before she started eating. Today was absolutely important for both of them for more than one obvious reasons.

For a moment after Natsu finished the bento there was silence between them. When Natsu took his hand and gripped them between her chubby hands, Shouyou knew what was coming.

“Tomorrow is the day of the reaping,” Natsu started so softly, it almost sounded like she was whispering the words instead. “Nii-san is 15 now.”

“I am.” Shouyou squeezed his sister's hand. “You know what'll happen tomorrow right?”

Natsu nodded. She had her head bowed down that Shouyou couldn't see the look on her face. “They'll make people from the age of 15 to 22 to lined up in front of the podium. You'll be there.”

Shouyou heard the last part told with wavering voices. He lifted up her little sister's face by a tender touch on her chin. There he saw Natsu's eyes had already glistened with tears. “And you will stay with Kouji and Izumi and listen to what they said until I come back,” he told her.

But come back from what? And for how long? The most important questions left unasked and unanswered.

Natsu pulled him for a hug. Her tiny arms squeezed him as she cried quietly as if to hide it from her brother. “I love you nii-san,” she muttered. “I'll wait for you, so please come back.”

Shouyou pulled her in as tight as he could without hurting her. His eyes started to sting but he bit his lips and hold it in. (“You have to be stronger now Shou,” he remembered his mother told him before she disappeared forever, “for both you and her because from now on you two only have each other. Everything is gonna be so much harder but I always know I could lean on you. She would too.”)

There would be times for him to be afraid and scared, to worry and to cry as much as he needed to. Just not now, not in front of his little sister.

Later. He would let go later. Now though, now was for Natsu

.

“I will,” he promised both of them.

—

At night they presented the board and Shouyou was topping everyone with more than 500 points difference. He knew it already but that night he still went to the forbidden forest and cried. When he'd felt better and decided to went back, he arrived at home to Natsu, Kouji, and Izumi encouragements. They all supporting red eyes that night but smiles were shared and hugs were readily given when they gathered around the bonfire at the same clearing Shouyou and Natsu had spent time this afternoon.

Shouyou had also seen some other teenagers and young adults whose name displayed on the board after the announcement. If anyone felt confident they won't get pick after knowing Shouyou's predicament they didn't show it. What Shouyou had seen were grim eyes and sadness, lost and forced smile, shared among children and their parents, between couples, and among friends.

That night Shouyou was reminded once again how they're all just the same one way or another. Oppressed, miserable, helpless, under the tyrants who called themselves The World Government.

—

{next.}

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////alkdjfld this is like prologue leading to the selection and actual hunger games (of kids with supernatural abilities heck yea :) i still need to explain why people in the districts have these powers and shouldn't that made them feeling confident to do revolution anyway? But nah not really, they're oppressed for so so so sssoooo long. They haveave no combat training, they don't even have the number, the resources, or the willpower for that matter. That's also why the WG made these kids go to thg, so they could keep track on the kind of powers the next gen in the districts have and to level the possible threats. They'll sabotage the game anyway and make the most pliable champion win and then the winner of thg will be more or less the WG puppet (and human weapon but sssssshhhh ;)) /////also, aw poor Hinata going to be thrown up to join battle to the death between some questionable characters in the future, all alone giftless (but not helpless! Noooooo) //////THERE WILL BE KAGEHINA OF COURSE!!!!! BECAUSE OTP IS THE ONLY REASON I WANNA WRITE THIS TBH LOL but laterrrrrrr much much later orz

[radioactive-tiefling]

hwat if i asked you to do all 50 for Xenoc would that be too many for you friend

Never too many questions my good bitch!! Thank u wes ilyUnder a cut because 1. It’s really long 2. A lot of possible triggers (violence, suicide mention, abuse, etc.) and 3. BIG SPOILERS for anyone playing in this campaign. Y’all know who you are.1. What is one word to shut them up?

Their name (or almost anything) said in a certain tone of voice. Anything similar to how their father and higher-ups in the organization issued orders.

2. What is the thing they feel the most guilty about?

They tend to breeze by guilt even when they should feel bad about something, but the one thing they’ve never gotten over is leaving their only friend in the compound alone when she was in pain, afraid, and in the midst of drug withdrawal. They didn’t know what to do so they left her alone, and found out the next day she’d overdosed. It’s the only thing they feel guilt about, and they now try to never let someone who’s upset be alone because they’re afraid they’ll never see them again.

3. What is the worst pain they’ve ever experienced?

Physically and mentally, the withdrawal they experienced after leaving the compound. It was a different type of pain than the beatings or brands they’d received before, and the novelty made it all the worse, especially since they were only 13 at the time.

4. Describe their worst nightmare.

(I want to take this one literally cause it’s fun.) Their nightmares are usually very abstract and blurred, and they never remember them when they wake up, although they often wake up from nightmares in a panic attack or disassociating. This probably comes from how young they were (and still are) when their traumas occurred, and the fact that they’re repressing most of the memories. They literally fought a nightmare monster with the party that forced them to see their parents and their father about to beat them, and now that scene is the one thing they remember from any nightmares they’ve had since. They hate the monster that did it more and more every time it happens.

5. List 3 fears; one “surface level” fear, one “repressed” fear, and one “deep dark” fear.

Surface level: a lot of animals— specifically dogs, rats, etc. lab animals, and the types of animals the children practiced fighting with.Repressed: they don’t think about it much, but if they are confronted with drugs again, especially with any of their party members, they probably will react very badly.Deep dark: catch them off guard with a command or authoritative tone, and they’ll completely freeze up. Despite the fact that some of them are dead, they still are deeply terrified of the power their parents and the whole organization had over them.

6. What is something that never fails to make them feel sick?

The smell, or even the sight, of Jet, Psycho, or any other addictive drug/poison they’ve worked with.

7. What feature (physical or otherwise) do they hate most about themselves?

They really don’t hate much of anything, mostly because they’re a child and don’t like to think about anything internally. If anything, it would be the scars and brands that mark their entire right side, but they’ve covered them in tattoos to avoid having to think about them.

8. Do they have anything that triggers them?

Yeah, but not really in the traditional sense. Typically they react to the trigger with violence and anger, then pretend it didn’t happen, and then disassociate as soon as things calm down. Things that will do it are typically references to drugs (or worse, being around them,) and being ordered to do things (especially in a certain tone of voice.) anything that reminds them of their father’s abuse or of the compound.

9. What is their greatest physical weakness?

They’re really not very strong, but they hold up fine in battle especially since they keep their distance.

10. What is their greatest mental weakness?

Probably their refusal to do any sort of self reflection. They bottle up all their trauma without even really realizing they’re doing it.

11. Do they have any vices?

They used to have drug addictions, from accidental inhalation and exposure to them for years. They do drink alcohol, but avoid drugs at all costs even if they don’t want to think about why.

12. Have they ever done something illegal? What was it?

SO many times. Most of their life was spent literally working in an illegal organization, and they don’t really try to keep their work strictly legal even now.

13. Which of the 7 Deadly Sins best describes them?

It’s hard to decide. They’re a genuinely good person, but they don’t know how to actually be good so a lot of sins describe them. Probably greed or wrath. Maybe pride.

14. Are they prone to outbursts (of violence, extreme emotion… exc… )?

Absolutely. Especially if anything reminds them of the past, or anything they don’t want to think about. They typically react with extreme violence. Their emotional outbursts also tend to be more angry than anything else, since they don’t like feeling scared or sad.

15. Who do they hate the most?

They hate the heads of their old organization. They still harbor a lot of hatred and fear towards their parents, though they will insist that their deaths ended that.

16. Is there anyone who makes them feel inferior?

Sometimes people do, so they took to not really talking about their age since people didn’t treat them like an adult if they knew they’re 15. They pretty much don’t let people make them feel inferior anymore.

17. What sound always gives them a headache?

They hate animal noises, like continuous barking or squeaking. They like the loud noise their gun makes when they fire, and the sound of explosions delights them, but sometimes their ears ring and their head hurts afterwards if they were too close.

18. Is there a certain flavor that disgusts them?

They hate bitter things because they’re a kid and their taste reflex to avoid possible poison is even more overactive than a normal kid’s. They prefer to eat the same food, like their own rations, over and over than try new things.

19. Do they consider themselves ugly?

Not really. They kind of wish they didn’t have to have tattoos, but they’d rather have pretty art than the markings underneath.

20. Do they consider themselves unloveable?

I don’t think they consider it much. They’ve never really loved or been loved, even in a family or friend sense, so it’s a new thing to them. They like having friends.

21. What is something that causes them great anxiety?

They get very anxious about doing the right thing, especially now that they’re with a group. They’re scared they will do something they think is right, and the group will judge them for it or think they’re cruel or mean.

22. Do they have any mental illnesses?

Probably some form of complex PTSD due to childhood abuse and trauma.

23. Have they ever been assaulted/abused/raped?

They were abused throughout their childhood by their parents, and by extension the organization.

24. Do they fear the possibility of being assaulted/abused/raped?

Not really. They can and will defend themself with deadly force.

25. Have they ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust?

No, they didn’t have that sort of “trust” for most of their life. The closest thing would be realizing that the organization was bad, but that wasn’t really a betrayal of trust since it had always been bad, they just thought it was normal.

26. Have they ever been seriously injured?

Never too seriously, not all at once. At the compound they were injured only enough to hurt, not enough to stop them from working, and they’ve never been too badly hurt in battle.

27. How many times have they been in the hospital?

I don’t think there’s hospitals in this world? Even if there were the answer would be none because there’s no way they’d have ever had the chance to go to one.

28. Is there a certain type of person that disgusts them?

Authority. Also drug dealers.

29. Does what they cannot see scare them?

They would absolutely deny that it does, because it isn’t real and therefore doesn’t affect them. Sometimes they’re right and they can push through, sometimes they’re lying.

30. Have they ever been bullied?

Not really. Most of their peers were just as brainwashed as they were, and infighting was punished so no one really formed cliques or bully groups.

31. Do they have self-confidence or self-image issues?

No way. They think they’re the best, and self image doesn’t really figure into it.

32. Do they have a bad relationship with their parents?

Yes. Their parents were both physically and mentally abusive. Xenoc killed them, and probably several other people, by blowing up their house.

33. Have they ever been in a relationship that didn’t work out so well?

They’ve never been in a romantic relationship. Other relationships they mostly burned to the ground, until they met the party. Those relationships are still forming, slowly, but they’re pretty good so far.

34. Have they ever self harmed?

I don’t think it would cross their mind to do it intentionally. They sometimes do things recklessly that get them hurt, like burning their fingers on their gun, but it’s never really for the purpose of hurting themself.

35. If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be?

Abstract? They’d want to change into being a “good person” as others see them. A more solid change would be to get rid of the symbols and markings the organization gave them.

36. Are they in control of their emotions, or are their emotions in control of them?

Their emotions are definitely more in control, but they have a smaller range of emotions since they’re young and very inexperienced with the world.

37. Have they ever had their freedom taken away?

They spent 13 years of their life with little to no freedom, and 11 of those not even realizing freedom was a possibility.

38. Have they ever been imprisoned?

Not in the traditional sense, but they were confined to the compound the whole time they were there, spending most of their time in underground laboratories.

39. Have they ever been accused of something they didn’t do?

Nah they probably did it.

40. Do they often blame themselves for other people’s problems?

Very rarely. If they caused someone’s problem, they either did it on purpose, or don’t care too much, and if they didn’t cause it they aren’t likely to think they did. They’re a self centered kid at heart.

41. Do they get sick often?

Their immune system is actually pretty weakened and resistant to most medicines due to their long term drug exposure, but they don’t really notice when they get sick since they’re used to just working through it. They probably don’t think they’re sick even when they are.

42. Are they comfortable with where they are in life?

For the most part, yes. They love being free to do what they want, and the world to them is still a beautiful place full of adventure and possibility. They don’t realize how much they have yet to grow.

43. Do they wish that they could change their pasts?

They’re convinced that now that their parents are dead and they’ve left the compound, the past doesn’t matter. They wish they’d left sooner, and that they’d stayed with their friend Cara and been able to take her with, but they refuse to even think about the past most of the time.

44. What’s one thing they wish they could do more often, but can’t?

They want to be able to work more on their gun, and make more weapons and better weapons. It takes time, resources, and money that they don’t always have.

45. What is the emotion they most commonly experience?

Wildly split between joy and fury. With a pretty large portion confusion, as well. They actually are a pretty happy person, as long as they’re able to pretend problems don’t exist. In battle, they typically actually enjoy fighting. However, any negative emotion they have they pretty quickly convert into anger, which they’re more comfortable with.

46. Have they ever contemplated suicide?

Never seriously. Not beyond vaguely wishing they’d die while they were going through withdrawal. They absolutely want to stay alive and free.

47. Have they ever gone so far as to attempt suicide?

No. They’ve done plenty of reckless, life endangering things, but never with the intent to die.

48. Is there anyone that they would willingly kill?

Yep, and they have. Many times. Even before joining the party, they killed their parents along with many others in the compound by blowing up a large housing unit. Most recently, they put eight bullets through the unconscious body of a bandits who’d hurt one of their friends.

49. If [name] was put into ______ situation, they’d rather die than live to see it through.

Having to go back into someone’s control, or back under the thrall of drugs.

[ambivalentman]

AN ATHEIST KING: THE LOSS OF BELIEF AND CHARACTER IN MUSCHETTI’S IT (2017)

This essay features several spoilers for IT (2017). You have been warned.

A DISCLAIMER BEFORE WE BEGIN

I was, at one point, a hard core Stephen King fan. When I entered my 20s, I owned every book written by him in hardcover -- with the exception of special edition stuff like My Pretty Pony -- including several first editions (like a beautiful first of The Shining). My copies of George Beahm’s The Stephen King Companion and The Stephen King Encyclopedia were already dog-eared and annotated. My prize possessions were the four issues of Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction I had which featured the first publication of The Gunslinger, and the other I had which included “The Moving Finger.” My parents thought I was weird, most girls thought I was scary, and at one point even my grandma suggested I seek therapy.

This was until about 2000. Then, an event took place which caused me -- like those in the Loser’s Club -- to abandon childish things. It was a bad decision, but I gave up my Stephen King collection.

I didn't rediscover my love for King until recently. Sure, I dabbled a bit these last few years, reading Under the Dome and 11/22/63, but I never fully re-embraced the hero of my youth. Until I decided to re-read IT, his 1986 masterpiece about a group of wounded people forced to face a truly terrifying force as both children and adults. I saw that Andy Muschetti was adapting the novel for Warner Bros., taking over for Cary Fukunaga, who -- despite being a true auteur -- fell out of Warner’s graces. All news surrounding the new adaptation was overwhelmingly positive, and it had been a long time since we last saw a great movie based on King’s work.

Back in April, I broke my right hip. After two surgeries, being fairly immobile has given me time to read more, so I picked up IT. Revisiting IT transported me back to that time when I was obsessed with King. The experience was overwhelming, like when adult Bill Denborough gets back on his enormous metal steed, Silver, and recalls how he once raced the devil on that bike to save Eddie Kaspbrak. A flood of joy came from reading King’s pulpy prose again. Going back to that tainted town of Derry to hang with the Losers helped make my rehab a little easier. And though I am still on the mend, I am ready to rekindle my love for King.

Which brings me to my other love: cinema. I don't write much about the movies anymore, but I am chomping at the bit to discuss and evaluate IT. There hasn't been a more anticipated film this year for me.

And no film has both pleased and disappointed me more.

WHAT MAKES A GOOD KING ADAPTATION?

Because of The Dark Tower, IT, and the forthcoming Gerald’s Game, there have been lots of clickbait “Stephen King Movies . . . Ranked” lists popping up online. Nerdist had a particularly interesting one, in which their top 10 looked like this:

10. Creepshow (1980)

9. IT (2017)

8. The Dead Zone (1983)

7. Dolores Claiborne (1995)

6. Stand By Me (1986)

5. The Mist (2007)

4. The Shining (1980)

3. Carrie (1976)

2. Misery (1990)

1. The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

Despite the ranking, most King fans and movie lovers alike will agree with this list (although Creepshow over Pet Sematary or Christine? Really? Sincerely?). Two of these films are directed by Frank Darabont (Shawshank, The Mist), and two by pre-what-the-f-happened Rob Reiner (Misery, Stand by Me). And the new adaptation of IT made the cut. So, if we can acknowledge these are the canonical King adaptations, what makes them the best? It's a pretty steep drop off in quality after the top 10. There's Pet Sematary, Christine, 1408, and The Green Mile, meaning that out of 44 movies based on Stephen King’s novels (not including TV mini-series), there’s really only about 14 good-to-great ones. If this were baseball -- King’s favorite sport -- Hollywood would be batting a respectable .318. Be that as it may, this is not baseball, and producing only 1 solid movie for every 3 is pretty awful.

This suggests that adapting Stephen King is tough. Why, though? His books are packed with memorable characters, scenes, and visuals. You could almost say he writes movies. His dialogue is colloquial and specific, and he has a great sense of pacing. While you could easily point out that lots of his stories share only a couple variations for endings -- destruction or aliens -- he is a strong storyteller with a keen understanding of cause and effect and narrative fairness. There's a reason, after all, that he inspired a generation of writers and filmmakers like JJ Abrams, Damon Lindelof, and the Duffer Brothers.

My theory is that King's greatness resides not in his ideas or execution, but in the spirit of his writing. King's voice is the soul of his work. When you read him, it feels like you are sitting down with a friend, listening to him share a great story. King feels familiar, like family. And the filmmakers who get that make films which reflect it.

Take, for example, the number 1 film on Nerdist’s list, The Shawshank Redemption. The use of Red’s voiceover narration immediately brings us into the tale of Andy Dufresne. Stand By Me and Dolores Claiborne also use great voiceovers. But in films like Misery, Carrie, and The Dead Zone, we are given protagonists who become our friends. We find Paul Sheldon to be kind and thoughtful, Carrie White to be sweet and misunderstood, Johnny Smith to be tortured and alone. These films understand deeply what King was aiming for with his characters. So, when Reiner changes events in Misery, it doesn't matter because not only did he truly “get” Paul, he also truly “got” Paul’s relationship with Annie Wilkes. Each of the films on this list, with the exception of IT (and Creepshow because it was an original script), truly grasped the core of King’s characters and their relationships to each other.

King is often considered a humanist author. His characters, including his villains, are often subjects for sympathy. In his work, there is a lot of insight into human nature, both light and dark. King is an observant author, grounding his most supernatural stories in a real world, with real people. This is best illustrated in his character relationships and interactions. Red and Andy develop first respect, then admiration, then deep friendship over their years in Shawshank. It is a relationship founded on honesty as they are the only honest men in the prison. Their mutual trust is what establishes the foundation for Andy’s escape plans, and ensures his success. In The Dead Zone, Johnny’s broken relationship with Sarah is haunted by lust and vitality, the very qualities Johnny loses touch with after his accident leaves him with a power which zaps the life from him with each use. Carrie White’s naive hope she can actually fit in is fulfilled by the compassionate Tommy Ross, which makes the tragedy of her coronation that much more devastating. The films capture these ideas to profound effect, which is why they endure. Once the novelty of plot dissipates, you are left with characters and their connections to each other and yourself. We enjoy a movie for plot; we love a movie for character.

King writes wonderful characters, and the best films based on his work never fail to capture those characters ideally.

Except IT.

Sigh.

THE PART WHERE I EXPLAIN WHY THE NOVEL IS A MASTERPIECE

It is not hyperbole to call IT “King's masterpiece.” Lots of critics have done it. By its publication in 1986, IT was the purest, most ambitious distillation of themes and ideas King had explored since Carrie in his fiction (and even in non-fiction dissertations like Danse Macabre). If you're reading this, chances are you know the story:

Every 27 years, the seemingly quaint hamlet of Derry, Maine becomes the feeding ground for an entity that has dwelled under the town’s surface for centuries. In 1958, after 6-year old Georgie Denborough is murdered by the creature -- assuming the shape of a murderous clown called Pennywise -- big brother Bill and his Losers Club come together to put an end to the evil. They are only marginally successful, as 27 years later, the Losers are called to return to Derry to kill IT for good.

IT is a multi-generational horror novel, spanning hundreds of years. We meet the Losers first as adults, all of whom (with the exception of Mike Hanlon, who chose to stay behind in Derry and become its resident historian and librarian) no longer remember the events that took place during the summer of 1958. Mike’s ominous phone calls, reminding the adults of the promise they made -- to return if IT ever resurfaced -- unlocks each adult’s dormant memory. As the novel unfolds, so does their collective remembrance of summer ‘58 and all the horrors it contained. King uses the flashbacks to highlight the differences between childhood and adulthood.

As with any epic sized novel, there are a myriad of themes to unpack. IT dives deep into ideas about childhood trauma, the power of personal shame, community corruption, racism, generational sin, and the coming of age ideas expected from a novel about kids becoming adults. For me, where the novel finds its most compelling thematic territory is in its exploration of belief. King wants us to recognize it is the purity of innocence, and the simplicity of belief that binds these kids together, and that the jaded cynicism of adulthood, with all its fears and anxieties, is what threatens to destroy them.

This theme hinges on the role of Pennywise. He is a shapeshifting, Lovecraftian monster, tapping into the fears of his quarry to exploit during the hunt. He appears to Ben as his dead father, to Mike as a pterodactyl-like bird, to the germaphopic Eddie as a leper, and to Richie as the lycanthropic Michael Landon in I Was a Teenage Werewolf. When Pennywise goes after Bev, it is by turning her sink into a geyser of blood which only she can see. Bill is tormented by the memory of his dearly departed brother, whose school photograph Pennywise animates and makes bleed. Children have very primal fears, and that which adults see as fake or absurd, kids often embrace as real. Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, chupacabras, zombies . . . children do not reject fantasy outright as adults do, making them susceptible to both profound fear and hope.

We see this in the Losers’ response to IT’s attacks. They are terrified, but never stop seeking solution. They find their weapons in objects. Even after he learns his asthma inhaler is a mere placebo, Eddie still uses it to calm his nerves, and later fires it at Pennywise, believing its contents to be battery acid. With Bill’s help, Ben melts down two silver dollars into bearings for Bev to shoot at the monster with a slingshot. When Stan gets trapped by Pennywise after finding himself alone in the house on Neibolt Street, he manages to escape by chanting the names of every bird contained in his field guide. The kids build an underground fort, which they convert into a smoke house to go on a Native American “Vision Quest.” It is during this dangerous endeavor that Mike and Richie seem to travel through time back to a primordial era where they witness IT’s arrival. The Losers’ passionate adherence to ritual and talismans give them a collective power. This power keeps them unified, and even frightens their tormentor. Belief is their truest weapon, especially belief in each other.

The other themes King addresses throughout IT are compelling, but it is this idea about belief that gives the novel its soul. There is no cynicism in King's approach -- he captures the imagination of these children with remarkable affection, and this results in each kid winning our hearts over. Pennywise may be the allure the book needs to attract its audience, but these kids are what inspires guys like me to re-read a 1,000+ page book.

They are also what inspired me to struggle with a movie engineered for my celebration.

IN PRAISE OF MUSCHETTI’S IT

Before I tear apart IT, which is very popular, having made over $200 million domestically in its first two weekends, I want to praise it. Despite having some huge issues, the film does some things very well. There is a good reason why this movie works for so many people.

The major reason IT works is because of its energy and general nostalgia. While these elements often fade on repeat viewings, they are so engrossing during a first one. Being set in 1989 puts the setting during a period Gen Xers remember fondly and for which Millennials pine. Movie theater marquees are showing Batman and Lethal Weapon 2. A poster for A Nightmare on Elm Street 5 is a coming attraction. The kids ride Schwinns, use Kodak Carousels, don’t have cell phones, and wear denim cutoffs. The aesthetic is perfect. Producer Seth Grahame-Smith revealed in an interview with Birth.Movies.Death that he prepped nostalgia lists for all of the child actors, from music to movies to video games to fashion as a way to show them what summer ‘89 in New England was like for him. The work paid off, because the town of Derry is authentic in its nostalgia. It is impossible not to be drawn into this world.

And this world is scary, even without Pennywise. As with all idealized nostalgic perspective on days long gone, there is a darker undercurrent (as if we punish ourselves for embracing such idyllic memories). Perhaps the darkest element are the adults of Derry. Kids go missing and the “Missing Persons” posters are simply papered over as new children are added to the list. A leering pharmacist flirts with Bev. In the library, as Ben investigates Derry’s ugly history, the Librarian lingers in the fuzzy background, grinning maliciously. Not one adult exhibits empathy for these kids, including Bill’s dad or Stan’s rabbi father. Certainly not Bev’s father, who inhales his daughter’s hair like she’s fresh out of the oven, and obsesses over her virginity with a fervor that would make even President Trump uncomfortable (or envious, if we're being honest). In some ways, the more visceral nature of the film captures Derry’s innate badness more clearly than the hundreds of pages King devotes to the subject in his novel. Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand pages.

Muschietti and his casting director also got the casting perfect. As with the films of JJ Abrams, criticize all you want, but it's impossible to trash the impeccable casting choices. Each of these kids perfectly embodies the characters they portray. Kudos especially go to Jeremy Ray Taylor, Sophia Lillis, Jack Dylan Grazer, and Finn Wolfhard as Ben, Bev, Eddie, and Richie. Ben’s beautiful sensitivity, Bev’s intense devotion and passion, Eddie’s passive-aggressive resolve, and Richie’s unending stream of bullshit are as sharp and resonant here as they are on the page. Even Jaeden Lieberher, as Bill, and Chosen Jacobs, as Mike, look and feel right. Unfortunately, the script makes some poor choices with their characters that nearly derails the film. But more on that in a bit. Without a doubt, these kids are legit actors. No scene better proves this than the swimming scene in which everyone is stripped to their underwear and dives into the lake from the frighteningly high cliff. The scene could have been incredibly exploitative as the boys ogle Bev, but instead the quality of these performances makes their pubescent sexual discovery innocent and real. Consider this a great contrast with the perverse exchanges Bev has with the adult world. It is both ironic and terrifying that Bev is perceived more as an object by adults than by teenage boys.

While the film finds many of its most effective scares in the presentation of Derry, and the juxtaposition of innocent and corrupt images, the advertisements promise that we will be scared senseless by Pennywise the Dancing Clown. As portrayed by Bill Skarsgard, this Pennywise bears little resemblance to the seductive, menacing clown Tim Curry created for the 1990 ABC television miniseries. Skarsgard’s Pennywise is serpentine, alien, with dead eyes and a slithering voice. His costuming suggests his age, and the cracks in his makeup reveal a facade. This Pennywise is less playful and charismatic, and hungrier. He drools as he corners the kids in the Neibolt house. And his shapeshifting is frightening, especially when he presents himself to Eddie as a relentless leper. Skarsgard’s performance is wonderful and wholly his own. He will invite comparisons to the iconic Curry, but ultimately his Pennywise will stand alone.

IT’s success as a film can be broken down into these three elements: Derry, the kids, and the creepiness of Pennywise. But its failure can also be broken down into three parts, too.

1) The absence of a thematic soul

2) The abandonment of characterization

3) The confusion of style for substance

A LOSS OF SOUL

A great adaptation isn’t necessarily about doing the book, but about capturing the soul of the book (or finding a soul no one even knew existed, ala The Godfather or The Shining). A movie can look the part, but if it fails to reveal that essence of spirit, it will eventually crumble. In the case of IT, the movie is about as hollow as the space behind Pennywise’s eyes.

The soul of this story is the children's belief. Outside of a generic, “We gotta believe in each other!” idea to which much lip service is paid, these kids are bereft of belief in anything. This is an atheist interpretation of Stephen King's story, in which our Loser’s Club prefer brute force over imagination. In the film’s climax, Bill leads the charge against Pennywise by picking up a bat and swinging at the clown’s head. All the Losers join him. The result looks remarkable, as each strike causes the clown to transform into each child's fear, but it is a graceless, uninspired physical solution to a metaphysical problem. It also ruins Pennywise. How evil can he truly be when all it takes is an angry mob armed with sticks to bring him down?

Throughout King's novel, the Losers seek many ways to defeat the demon. They melt down the silver dollars. Eddie’s inhaler becomes a chemical weapon. Stan’s bird book is a shield, the names of the birds his mantra. And the kids buy into Native American rituals, like the Ritual of CHUD, to confront IT. Obviously, the shift in setting from the 1950s to 1980s meant losing some of these talismans. After all, the 50s Wolfman, when compared to the 80s Freddy Krueger, is a flaccid nightmare. But every monster has a weakness, even human ones. The Losers spend no time thinking on this.

Indeed, Muschetti strips them of their creativity completely. Gone is Ben’s architectural acumen, which nearly flooded the Barrens and provided an underground club house. Bill’s storytelling, which keeps the group focused, is generically spread amongst all of them. Even Bev's love for fashion and art is lost. It's shocking to me how Muschetti removed the core elements from each of these characters, leaving only their gimmicks -- Bill’s st-st-stutter, Ben’s girth, Bev’s cigarette smoking, Richie’s humor, Eddie's hypochondria, Stan’s Judaism, and Mike’s blackness. In the need to appeal to every demographic, these characters were stripped for parts.

It is a testament to the strength of the performances by this group of kids that the Losers have any flavor whatsoever. The script provides them no depth, only set pieces and surface sentiment, yet they are convincing for awhile in the dark. But like Pennywise’s many facades, eventually they slide off and there's nothing remaining.

The soul of King's story is belief, imagination, and the collective power of childlike purity. Andy Muschetti’s adaptation is more in love with Halloween maze scares than it is with pursuing these ideas. His vision of defeating our fears involves angry children with sticks, not wounded children with imagination. Audiences may like the cathartic release that comes with beating the shit out of the monster, but it does nothing to feed their souls.

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

I already alluded to the surface qualities that pass for characterization in IT, but it goes a bit deeper than this. Character interaction is essential to building great characters, and this is where IT fails epically.

To prove this, let’s take a closer look at Bill Denborough.

Bill is arguably the most important of our protagonists, especially in King's novel. The story begins with him making a paper boat for his brother and sealing it with wax so it will float in the gutter water outside. The death of Georgie becomes a source of guilt and shame for Bill. And since his parents pay little to no attention to him, Bill is made to face these overwhelming feelings alone. It is his determination and inner strength that propels him to lead the Losers in their quest to put an end to IT. But, this quest, while certainly obsessive, is rooted in shame and love. Bill loves each of his friends and often goes off alone because he fears their fate will be his fault, as he believes Georgie’s fate to be his fault. This is the source of Bill’s maturity, which sets him apart from everyone else in the club. Because of Bill’s maturity, the Losers follow him without much question. They are devoted to him as a leader and friend, and willingly choose to lay down their lives if need be.

This is far from the way Bill is presented in the film. He is a Captain Ahab, chasing his white clown into the sewers of Derry. He likes his friends, but often doesn't concern himself with their feelings. In fact, at one point Richie throws a punch at Bill and the two fight over their pursuit of the monster. This Bill is not a leader; he is a dictator. He lacks empathy, and mostly cares for himself. Even worse, his quest is no longer rooted in shame, but in pure vengeance. Bill doesn't express his self-loathing at what happened to Georgie. Instead, at the end of the film, when Pennywise presents Itself as Georgie, Bill just punches IT in the face.

The shift in Bill is a subtle one, but has huge consequences for the story. By changing his leadership style, it makes the other Losers look more like followers of fear than a group of equals. In many ways, Bill is no different than the crazy bully Henry Bowers, whose friends follow him out of fear. Like Henry, Bill is on a mission to destroy, has little regard for the consequences of his actions, gets others involved who don't necessarily want to be, and doesn't listen to reason. Yet, we like Bill and hate Henry because Bill stutters and Henry likes carving his initials into the bellies of defenseless fat kids.

This is not to say Bill isn't the hero, but that Muschetti misfires with Bill by removing his core empathy and giving the character over completely to obsession. While the rest of the characters don't fare as badly as Bill does, each loses something, mainly through the cutting of interactions. On a basic level, we see this in the fact that Bev only interacts with Bill and Ben through most of the movie, yet is presented as the symbol of group unity. She can't even be bothered to share a smoke with Richie, or have a conversation with Stan and Mike.

Bill and Bev certainly present issues in characterization, but no character is more problematic than Mike Hanlon. There have already been several insightful thinkpieces about the treatment of Mike that there is little I can add, but the gist is this: Mike is presented as a token black character for no reason. Granted, most of these characters are tokens in their own way, so it stands to reason Mike would receive no better treatment. It was a struggle for me to watch one of my favorite characters in the novel reduced to a handsome black face that has to face the racist white bully. It was harder to watch Mike's love for history handed over to Ben. Mike deserved better.

All of these wonderful characters deserved better. This is what happens when style trumps substance.

THE NEW HORROR AESTHETIC

IT is the culmination of the trend in cheap seat horror to rely on the jump scare as the source of terror. No horror film of this variety has handled this trope better than Muschetti’s film. Arguably, Muschetti has perfected the jump scare. His film is a maze at Knott’s Scary Farm or Universal’s Halloween Horror Nights waiting to happen. The soundtrack is pitched to screamtastic levels. Put a camera on audiences and every 5-7 minutes, prepare to see people grabbing each other or jumping like William Castle had come back from the dead to put a tingler in their seat.

This reliance on the jump scare is aided by a color palette washed in sepia tones and deeper reds, which enable the clown to do his Jack-in-Box routine in darkness that can't elicit laughter. Muschetti and his postproduction team nailed the look of this film like mad scientists.

The beauty of this is that audiences love IT. This is a horror movie that feels like a horror film. Yet, IT remains safe, like those scary carnival mazes. When you're creeping your way through one, every darkened corner promises danger, but behind all that tension you know none of the masked employees can touch you without legal repercussion. Sadly, IT isn't allowed to touch you either. Promises of danger lurk around every shot, but it is all bark and no bite.

Take the Neibolt Street House sequence. There's a clever moment in which Bill and Richie, separated from Eddie, try to find him before Pennywise gets him and are presented with three doors to escape. The doors are labeled “Not Scary,” “Scary,” and “Very Scary.” Of course the boys take the first one, and are presented with a frightening image. You would imagine they would be forced to take the third door, but instead they double down on the “Not Scary” path and are rewarded for their cowardice. This is the ultimate in style over substance. The scene looks perfect, but says and does nothing.

Still, the aesthetic is convincing. This is how we want horror movies to look, even if they have nothing to say.

THE IMPLICATIONS OF IT

Since Warner Bros.’s sinks are exploding with dollar bills right now, IT will have a seismic impact on the popular culture landscape. Some things are inevitable: we will get a “Chapter Two” featuring the adults returning to Derry for a final showdown with IT. We can also expect more horror movies. Will we get more clown flicks? I'm sure there's plenty of those being prepared for VOD as I write this.

What I am more concerned about is the state of horror film. Over the last decade, we have seen a renaissance in indie horror. Get Out, It Follows, The Babadook, The Witch, The Invitation, Cheap Thrills, Starry Eyes, Goodnight Mommy, and Raw are a few of the most notable titles. This movement has brought a variety of styles and an emergence of new voices unlike anything we’ve seen since the 70s. Even a big budget haunted house franchise like The Conjuring reinforced the brilliance of James Wan and reminded us of the power in the traditional horror story amidst all the rebels.

IT feels like a sea change, though. The Conjuring made tons of money, but it didn't make this kind of money. And while The Conjuring felt traditional, IT is being presented as something new. People are talking about it like it's different. Joe Hill, King's son and respected novelist, called IT “one of the five best horror movies I've ever seen.” This movie is a hydrogen bomb on pop culture, especially as it arrived on the heels of the poorest performing summer box office in 20 years. This movie isn't just new, it's a savior.

So while we can expect more Stephen King remakes and adaptations, we can also expect less money for horror indies. Studios will want more movies to look and feel like IT, and in this narrowing marketplace, that has the potential to choke out the little guy. This is the true horror.

I hope I am wrong. Horror films are cheap to make. That is their appeal for young filmmakers looking to make a mark. Hopefully this doesn't change.

The Stephen King fan in me celebrates the love IT is receiving around the world. The cinephile in me is afraid of what this means for horror cinema going forward.

[this-sapphic-paradise]

asianregret replied to your post

“Can I be awful and say 2 - 100 :D”

Well do it when you're not mobile :)

{{Okay, I’m home, now I can do it. I’ll put it under the cut so it won’t take over anyone’s dash XD

2)Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? Nope. 3) What was your last text message? That I sent? “How’s work going?” to @danversxsisters  4) What do you see yourself doing in 10 years? I have no idea.  5) If you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be? At my own house with my girlfriend. 6) What was your coolest Halloween costume? Um, I’ve only dressed up once, and it was a “modern” version of Glinda x.x 7) What was your favorite 90s show? Buffy, the vampire slayer. 8) Who was your last kiss? My gf XD

9) Have you ever been stood up? Nope. 10) Favorite ice cream flavor? Lemon pie. 11) Have you been to Las Vegas? Nope. 12) Your favorite pair of shoes? ((Already answered)) 13) Honestly, have you ever cheated on your significant other? Nope, and I will never do it. 14) What is your favorite fruit? Bananas. 15) Have you talked to anyone on tumblr that you could see yourself dating/having sex with? If possible? MY GIRLFRIEND! I met her on here! 16) Are you into hookups? Short or long term relationships? Not really, but I don’t see any problems with it. And long term relationships. 17) Do you smoke? If so, what? Nope. 18) What do you do to get over your anger? Lmao, Idk!  19) Do you believe in God? Not really. 20) Does the person you're in love with know it? After almost three years together, I would hope so XD 21) Favorite position? ...I’ll leave that unanswered... 22) What's your horoscope sign? cancer. 23) Your fears? ...I have an unreasonable fear of falling down the stairs... 24) How many pets do you have? What kind? None. 25) What never fails to turn you on? Someone asking to be dominated :x 26) Your idea of a perfect first date? A date that is relaxing. 27) What is something most people don't know about you? ((already answered)) 28) What makes you feel the happiest? ((already answered)) 29) What store do you shop at most often? H&M, Barnes & Noble, and A.C. Moore. Also does Amazon count? 30) How do you feel about oral? Giving and/or receiving? ((already answered)) 31) Do you believe in karma? YES! 32) Are you single? Nope. 33) Do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize? ACTIONS are the best way to apologize >.> Srsly tho, miss me with that flower and candy stuff, Idc about that. Prove to me that you’re sorry by never doing the thing again~ 34) Are you a good swimmer? ((already answered)) 35) Coffee or Tea? Coffee. 36) Online shopping or shopping in person? Both, it just depends on what we’re talking about. 37) Would you rather be older or younger than your current age? Meh, I’m good being 25. 38) Cats or Dogs? both! 39) Are you a competitive person? lmao, yes. 40) Do you believe in aliens? yes. 41) Do you like dancing? yes! 42) What kind of music to you listen to? A little bit of everything except country music >.> 43) What is your favorite cartoon character? Oh god... Aang (the last airbender) 44) Where are you from? Brazil. 45) Eat at home or eat out? Eat out :x 46) How much more social are you when you're drunk? Lmao!!! Catch me flirting with everyone.... >.> 47) What was the last thing you bought for yourself? A fancy pencil case that is being delivered tomorrow x.x 48) Why do you think your followers follow you? Because of all the supercorp -heart eyes- 49) How many hours do you sleep at night? On a good night, 8 hours; on a bad night, 4... 50) What worries you most about the future? HAHAHAHAHA EVERYTHING!!! 51) If you had a friend that spoke to you the same way you speak to yourself, how long would you be friends? ...who would have friends though?? we’re all bad to ourselves. 52) Are you happy with yourself? Like, on some level, yes! But depression is a bitch, man... 53) What do you wish you didn't know? -snickers- TOO MANY THINGS!!! 54) What big lesson could people learn from your life? That even when you’ve lost the most precious things in your life, life doesn’t stop for you so you gotta keep moving, even when you don’t want to. 55) If you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be? Hmm...I don’t know, I’ll have to give this more thought.... 56) What's your favorite Website? THE BLUE HELL!!! (aka tumblr XD ) 57) What's the habit you're proudest of breaking? pffff, did I ever break any habits? 58) What was your most recent trip of more than 50 miles? New York~ 59) What's the best bargain you've ever found at a garage sale or thrift store? I’ve never been to either. 60) What do you order when you eat Chinese food? yakisoba... but idk if chinese restaurants serve it here in the US 61) If you had to be named after one of the 50 states, which would it be? York 62) If you had to teach a subject to a class, what would it be? I am an English teacher, but if I had to pick another subject, it would be history. 63) Favorite kind of chips? dont know 64) Favorite kind of sandwich? BLT, I guess 65) Which do you use more often, the dictionary or the thesaurus? dictionary 66) Have you ever been stung by a bee? nope 67) What's your favorite form of exercise? My favorite are martial arts and dancing, but I can’t afford either right now, and I’m actually pretty happy going to the gym. 68) Are you afraid of heights? not really. 69) What's the most memorable class you've ever taken? British Literature in college, the professor was amazing. 70) What's your favorite breakfast? Waffles, and bacon x.x 71) Do you like guacamole? I don’t think I’ve ever tried it. 72) Have you ever been in a physical fight? nope 73) What/who are you thinking about right now? Lena Luthor XD 74) Do you like cuddling? yes. 75) Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? MY ENTIRE PAST! 76) Have you ever experienced one of your biggest fears? Yes. 77) Favorite city you've been to? NYC 78) Would you break the law to save a family member? yes. 79) Talk about an embarrassing moment? I’m too lazy right now XD 80) Are there any causes you strongly believe in? yeah, feminism. GET ON BOARD PEOPLE!!! 81) What's the worst injury you've ever had? Hmm...I’ve never really gotten anything too serious... I guess the worst was a sprained finger 82) Favorite day of the week? friday evening and saturday. 83) Do you consider yourself sexually open minded? lmao, yes. 84) How do you feel about porn? there needs to be more porn made FOR women... 85) Which living celebrity would you like to know? SO MANY!!! Katie McGrath, Dianna Agron, Katheryn Winnick...the list goes on and on. 86) Who was your hottest ex? -snickers- the one who isn’t actually an ex because we never actually dated. She’s one of my best friends. 87) Do you want/have kids? I wouldn’t mind not having kids, but now that I’m dating and my gf super wants kids, I really like the idea too. 88) Has anyone ever told you that they wanted to marry you? Yes x.x 89) Do you get easily distracted? lmao, way too easily. 90) Ass or titties? ((already answered)) 91) What is your favorite word? I don’t have one. 92) How do you feel about tattoos? I want more!!!!! 93) Do you have any pets? nope. 94) How tall are you? 5′6/1m68cm 95) How old are you? 25, turning 26 in june 96) 3 physical features you get complimented on a lot? 3??? Oh god... My eyes, my lips, and idk a third one... 97) Is there anything you're really passionate about? TOO MANY THINGS!!! feminism and art being the biggest ones. 98) Do you have trust issues? Don’t we all? 99) Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes. 100) What are some words that you live by? Why? Be nice to yourself, because the world is already mean enough.