#Ashton Irwin fluff

[carryonafi]

a little more ‘touch me’.

ashton irwin x reader; SMUT!!! 🔞

a/n: i’m so sorry i haven’t posted in MONTHS but!! don’t forget about me!! this is a little thing i’ve been working on for a while now to mourn the sad sad death of the superbloom era. black hair ash we will never forget u ❤️

enjoy an annoying meet-cute with smut and the super respectful man ashton is :P

words: 2.9k

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Someone had definitely given your upstairs neighbor way too much encouragement when it came to pursuing his passions, or simply never told him no. The reason being all you had been hearing for weeks after he moved in was the loud pounding of drums, loud guitar sounds, laughing— it was a nightmare. No matter how much you prayed that the sounds would stop, they never came to an end. The frustration ended up giving you enough confidence one night to deal with this yourself.

How you ended up knocking on your upstairs neighbors door with shark slippers on and pajamas that were definitely way too big, you had no idea. The realization that your confrontation might be dramatic just hit you now, but it was too late to turn back. The handle had already clicked and there was someone staring back at you. A taller guy with thick black hair, a few tattoos exposed with the tank top he was wearing and an equally surprised expression on his face.

He cleared his throat. “Can I… help you?”

Your heart skipped a beat, that accent… was it Australian? There was no way, your cheeks were instantly warmer not just from embarrassment, but how insanely attractive your disruptive neighbor was.

“Yeah, actually— Yeah.” You nodded, clearing your throat as well and crossing your arms over your chest. His eyes gravitated, sparkling in wonder.

“It’s almost midnight, and all I can hear are your drums.” You caught his attention again, he blinked innocently and tilted his head to the side. A loose strand of hair fell in front of his eyes, which he immediately tucked back.

“And..?” He asked, and how he was playing dumb definitely made your temper wire very short.

“And I’m trying to sleep.” You replied in the same obvious tone, appalled he would even ask you to elaborate. “I have work early in the morning, and I’m sure other people do too.”

It clicked for the drummer, his eyes lighting up as he nodded and leaned against the doorframe.

“I see.” He nodded, wetting his bottom lip as if to appear in thought. “Well, this is sorta… my job.”

“I guess that’s where we have a problem.” You raised your eyebrows, almost mirroring his expression.

“This is gonna happen often, isn’t it?” He crossed his own arms, eyes burning straight into yours. You didn’t dare to break this eye contact, even though the forestry adorning his irises was physically causing you chest pains.

He let out a sigh. “As long as it’s you comin’ up here to tell me off, you got your phone on you?” The first few words were nothing but a slight mumble under his breath, but you didn’t care enough to question what he had to say or if you were simply just hallucinating. You nodded in response, reaching for the left pocket of your pajama pants.

“I’ll give you my number, that’ll be easier for both of us.” His eyebrow quirked yet again.

“Mm. Smooth, I guess..” Your response even surprised yourself, as you were opening your phone you could see a smile start to tug at the corners of his lips. He was holding it back, you could tell. Something told you that this solution he offered wasn’t going to do much, if anything this might make your situation worse. That sort of depends on what outcome you consider as being “worse”.

As you got your phone back, the contact in your phone simply read “Ashton” with the standard blank icon. That was such a drummer name, Ashton… you nodded and shoved your phone back into your pocket.

“I’ll make sure to keep it down for you, ‘kay? Bug me if I’m ever too loud.” He assured you, flashing a similar smile to the one you saw earlier. Strangely enough, you smiled back. Ashton eyed your appearance up and down one last time after you bid your “goodnight”s and closed the door quietly with purpose. It worked out, because you definitely got good sleep that night. The next two nights actually weren’t that bad… but the third, he was at it again.

Your head was already pounding, the bass drum or… whatever it was, all of the moving parts started to piss you off again. Ashton did give you his number, and in his words, advised you to bother him.

‘dude. please shut up.’

You slammed your phone back down onto the pillow, facedown. The noise paused for a few seconds, then immediately started again.

‘please oh my god, can you be quiet?’

Once again, your phone went down onto the pillow. It didn’t stop for at least a minute, in fact, it seemed to just get worse. It was all nice when people explored their passions and whatnot, but there came a limit to thinking of those around you. Especially your downstairs neighbor which got each kick of that stupid loud bass drum.

No response during that minute and a half, then the sounds stopped completely. You squinted at the text bubble, appearing then disappearing, then reappearing… finally a response.

‘Come up here and tell me yourself.’

Accompanied by one of those little emoticon smiley faces that you knew was purely passive aggressive, an exasperated sigh left your lips before you even had the chance to leave your bed and process that you were going to do this. Ashton wanted to be told? There wasn’t a doubt that you would be challenged.

Hair still messy, oversized shirt and shorts that were only meant for sleep, you were walking with purpose and frustration through the halls again. It had only been 2 minutes since Ashton sent that text, but you were already knocking on his door. You swore it took him longer to answer than it did for you to get here, but of course, it was a very short amount of time. As soon as the door opened and you were met with his familiar face, bright eyes narrowed at you as he propped the door open, you fired.

“I told you to shut—“

He kissed you. This man swiftly leaned in and pressed the most gentle kiss to your lips he could despite the circumstances, it lasted a hot second. Your eyes were wide open, but his were contently shut before you pulled apart with one of those really satisfying kiss sounds you only heard in movies. Ashton slowly opened his eyes again to see yours staring dead into his, every little detail of his face you could see in a very… strangely intimate way. An angry blush settled on your cheeks.

“What the fuck was that?” You demanded, sounding out of frustration, but the way he had caught you off guard made you slightly defensive.

“Did you not like it?” Ashton replied in a much calmer tone, straightening his posture and he became restless in his own nerves. Shuffling against the floor, twirling his thumbs as he waited for some kind of answer to come from you. All he was getting were a few short huffs of breath.

“I… well, I mean.. it’s— it’s not that I didn’t like it.” You mumbled, your own hands weaving together at an awkward attempt to ease the tension within you. For a moment, you both hesitated. Where should this go, and how? Your answer fueled something in Ashton, you saw the shift in his gaze and the moment that he made up his mind.

He was kissing you again, and you weren’t fighting it. Your hands went to his chest, placed firmly on him as one arm snaked around your waist to bring you into his apartment. Within the short moment, Ashton had turned you around without breaking the kiss to kick his door closed and press your figure against the surface.

“Love seeing a pretty girl like you so fucking pissed off ‘cause of me.” Ashton murmured against your lips, like a desperate plea to tell you how he felt.

“Stop talking…” You breathed, feeling his hands creep lower towards the hem of your sleep shorts and catching in the elastic. His lips moved to your neck, leaving gentle kisses as if he could break you.

One needy whimper from you drove him to use his teeth, nipping and sucking the sensitive skin like he had forgotten his whole gentle act.

“Oh—“ You let out a gasp of surprise, tightly gripping Ashton’s shoulders as you briefly looked around the apartment. Worn black sofa, records hanging above the T.V, miscellaneous items strewn about like pencils, pens, notebooks, earplugs… he wasn’t just playing the drums for fun. It seemed like this guy had a real career. The hallway was a bit darker, but you couldn’t see too much because of those thick black curls obstructing your view. If you were to guess, that’s where the culprit of your sleepless nights were.

However, those ‘black’ curls didn’t seem to be natural. The dirty blond roots of his hair were starting to grow in and it made you smile to yourself, sneakily so Ashton didn’t see your amusement. Learning these little things about him… it felt so sweet.

“You’re blond..?” You breathed, feeling Ashton’s lips halt on your neck before he slowly pulled off of you. He laughed, this fucker. He laughed at you.

“Yes?” He cocked an eyebrow and blinked knowingly.

“Well, your roots. They’re long, y’know? And… You’re really close to me right now, okay?” You blurted out, pure embarrassment all over your face as you flushed and tried to swallow down the feeling of your cheeks turning bright red. Ashton simply stared back at you, stars in his eyes as he pressed another one of the softest, sweetest kisses to your lips like you had been together for years.

“Maybe that’s something you could do for me, yeah? Give me a touch-up.” He mused, rough hands feeling delicate as they traced indescribable shapes on your sides.

“Is that what this is now?” You huffed, still heated from your flustered moment.

“Mm?” Ashton hummed, a non-verbal way to get you to elaborate… but there was nothing. Just scrambled up, useless thoughts as you looked at him and eventually shook your head. He got the hint, starting to kiss you again and eventually moving you to the couch where your legs were on either side of his hips. This felt like an absolute workout, trying to keep yourself contained as he kissed you and the realness of it all finally pressed against you in the form of his erection against your thigh.

“How far?” Ashton whispered, holding you close like you would slip away from him if he let go. There was a sweet, playful glint in his eye.

“Huh?” Your mind was all dazed from how kiss-drunk this was making you.

“How far do you wanna go?” He was a bit more clear for your mind, clearly overwhelmed with dopamine. You still had to blink and process how thoughtful that question was.

“I.. don’t know. Not all the way, I don’t think.” You replied in a more useful tone of voice as well, and this— this you thought, would be the moment Ashton kicked you out because he wasn’t getting what he truly wanted. Although, he just smiled and his hands stroked your thighs.

“I want us both to be happy.” He said genuinely, leaning a bit closer with a hand now braced on the small of your back to keep you steady as he leaned you forward. “And honestly, doing anything to you right now would make me the happiest man in the fuckin’ world.”

God, who was this guy? His admission made your jaw slack with excitement and disbelief, stunned to the point of pure silence as you nodded in understanding. Ashton was still grinning, even more so when he saw the effect his words had on you.

“Would you let me eat you out?” He asked like it was a simple task and not a fantasy, those little ink-patterned freckles in his eyes you could see so clearly… and they were hypnotizing you.

You realized that you needed to say something, nodding and licking your lips since your mouth had gone completely dry. “Y.. Yeah. Yes- please, actually.” You stammered, watching the playful expression on his face grow.

It didn’t take long, Ashton had skillfully laid you down on the couch and kneeled between your legs, pushing your oversized sleep shirt up and kissing his way down your torso.

“Soundgarden? Nice choice…” He mumbled against your skin, nuzzling his nose into your hip appreciatively and the casualty of his words had you laughing in disbelief yet again.

“You’re really cute.” Were just about the only words that could make it past your lips right now, earning a huff of air from Ashton and a gentle bite to your skin. You moaned unashamed, a hand moving into his fauxly black, messy curls and guiding him lower.

He easily tugged your shorts down, gesturing for you to lift your hips so they could be discarded onto the living room floor. Ashton made eye contact with you, a stray lock of hair falling in front of his left eye. However, you could still see that beautiful gaze boring right into yours. Right as he spread your thighs open. You felt the crescent shape of his nails digging into your flesh — but it still seemed so gentle. Ashton leaned forward and pressed the flat of his tongue to your clothed core, causing a needy ache to rock your nerves as you let out a loud whimper.

“I wanna hear you.” He muttered, the low vibration of his rough voice sent shivers down your spine and a ripple of pleasure all throughout your body. Their neighbors heard him enough… it was time for a change.

Ashton was doing the same that he did to your sleep shorts, tugging your panties down in one more swift motion and immediately diving in. He didn’t take a single moment for himself, purely making sure you were basking in pleasure.

It worked, another loud moan tore through your throat and both hands were tangled in his hair. He was working nothing but magic with his tongue, and those sweet pink lips… worshiping you with everything he had in him. Ashton only broke eye contact to blink, feeling prideful in the way that he could make you moan and squirm.

You tried to close your legs from the overstimulation, still moaning, but his grip was too strong on your thighs and he was simply too willing to make you cum. Ashton was so attentive, occasionally squeezing your thighs and stroking them soothingly to calm you down, but it only drove you more insane.

It was to the point where you couldn’t take it anymore, endless gasps leaving your lips as you brushed Ashton’s hair away from his face and tilted your head back. Eyelids fluttering shut, your muscles tightened then relaxed, even showing him signs of an orgasm.

“Ashton..” You whimpered weakly, and even then Ashton didn’t stop. He knew what was coming, keeping a tight grip on your thighs as you trembled and the intensity shook your body to no end. Your back arched off of the couch, leaving Ashton with a mess on his tongue that he did not complain about one bit.

In fact, he still had an award winning smile on his face. Ashton sat back on his heels to watch you come down, his chest heaving as he caught his breath and looked at you with adoration dilating his pupils. “You liked that?” He had the audacity to ask. You opened your eyes to the sound of his voice and giggled.

“God, yeah. Yeah I did.” You paused, taking a moment to slowly lean forward and pull Ashton back up. “I think I forgive you for waking me up.”

Ashton’s lips twitched into a smirk at your statement, but it ended up turning back into that stupid smile you were really starting to love.

“Don’t know what I would do if you didn’t.” He teased, scrunching up his nose before kissing you slowly. It lingered for a moment, but it didn’t leave you wanting anymore, Ashton was happy, you were happy, everything was completely fine.

—

A knock on your door woke you up this time, rolling over to check the time. It felt so early, but it was actually around half past 10. There was another knock — so you felt compelled to get up out of bed and trudge over to the door so you could answer whoever this person was.

Sleepy and grumpy, not ready to face any other human being today, you opened the door to a bright face and twine-wrapped bundle of Baby’s Breath.

“I know you said you forgive me, but…” Ashton began, the pink in his cheeks making you smile despite the night before. “I just had to say sorry, for botherin’ you and all that. Not quitting when you told me to.” He shrugged sheepishly, extending his arm and holding the flowers out to you. “I just wanted your attention.” He admitted, a bit intimidated at your silence despite how you were beaming like an absolute idiot. You stepped forward, wrapping Ashton in an endearing embrace and pulling in the scent of his body mist. He hesitated for a moment, but hugged you back and rested his hands on your back.

“I definitely forgive you.” You spoke muffled into his shoulder, needless to say, Ashton was relieved. His shoulders immediately dropped and he let out a sigh, pulling away from you and shaking his head.

“Like I said, I don’t know what I would have done if you didn’t.” He replied dramatically, raising his eyebrows in hopes that his joke would make you laugh that contagious laugh again. “I’ll take you out for coffee?” Ashton suggested after a moment of appreciating your satisfaction, a calmer smile crossed your lips as you nodded.

“Of course- yeah. Let me put these in a vase. Make yourself at home, I guess.” You blushed, still smiling with a shrug as Ashton stepped inside and graciously closed the door behind him. He gave himself a mental pat on the back, admiring the difference in your apartment to his as you floated around and spoke to him all throughout your process of getting ready. This was what he had worked towards, and he wasn’t complaining.

[souperbloom]

songbird. [A.I.]

“and I love you, I love you, I love you— like never before.”

a restless night and troubled mind, Ashton helps you back to sleep with a lullaby.

a/n: some sweet sweet nothings to make up for lost time. (this was supposed to be only fluff but my friends are enablers) life’s been giving me hell, holy shit— but anyone who knows me personally knows how much this song means to me :) enjoy!! (this is also not proofread i just rlly wanted to publish something!)

CW: very very brief mention of anxiety, good ol’ lovin’, touchin’, squeezin, brief making out, c*ckwarming, slight praise kink.

WORDCOUNT: ~2.5k

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The clock in your bedroom wouldn’t stop ticking. It never usually stopped, but tonight it was more of an issue than normal. Ash was sleeping peacefully beside you, his arm acting as your headrest as his other hand fell limp in yours.

The two of you fell asleep like this every single night without fail. No matter how hard the days were, how long the nights were or how early either of you had to wake up in the morning, it was always this. Your head on his chest, towards the crook of his shoulder, hand in hand.

You tried to listen to the gentle thumping of his heartbeat, something to drown out the obnoxious ticking that made you want to just toss that dumb thrift store alarm clock out of the window. Every single attempt to close your eyes and lull yourself to sleep was futile, and you didn’t want to move in fear of waking Ashton up.

This was quite a tough situation. You wished that you could maybe play some music or browse your phone but again, you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if you stirred your sleepy boyfriend out of his sweet, sweet dreams.

It had come to a point where staring out into the darkness was doing you no good. Your mind was moving a mile a minute and your body felt awake enough to run laps around your apartment. You had to do something, something you absolutely hated to do.

“Ashton?”

You whisper softly, close enough to his face but still too lowly for any sign of alertness. His chest rose and fell, his breathing mellow.

“Ash? Baby—”

You felt awful for even attempting this, but you remembered how Ashton had told you, very early on into your time living together, that if you needed anything, just to wake him. That memory puts your mind at ease.

A few more soft coos of his name eventually brought him to stir. He sucks in a deep breath, squeezing your hand tighter out of force of habit.

“Mmmh?”

You could see a smile tugging at his sleepy face, before his eyes fluttered open and met yours.

“Can’t sleep.”

“Angel,” His groggy voice is laced with dreams and stars, “why not?”

“Dunno’. I just—couldn’t fall asleep… couldn’t stop thinking.”

It was still dark in your shared bedroom, only the pale moonlight mixing with the warmer glow of a Himalayan salt lamp illuminated a single corner, the one closest to the window. Wafts of Patchouli caught your senses as Ashton twisted to face you, his features still dim in the night time.

“What’re you thinkin’ about? Have a bad dream?”

Poor Ashton. You could tell just how tired he was by the way his words clustered into one, run-on sentence. Your heart strings pulled tighter as he fought to stay awake, to comfort you.

“Just things. Lots of things. Staring into the dark wasn’t helping my case.”

Ashton then untangles your hands, reaching up to caress the side of your cheek. His blistered fingertips cup your face, middle finger gently rubbing your temple.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“No,” you whisper, “just— wanted you here.”

Ashton chuckles, his body still warm from being woken up as he leans in to brush the tip of his nose against yours.

“You’re lucky I love you more than anything,” he mumbles, brushing against your lips and making you shiver, “because I value sleep quite a lot.”

“I know you do. That’s why I felt so bad waking you,” you sigh, eventually bridging the miniscule gap and placing a gentle kiss onto his Cupid’s bow.

He breaks away, and you could slightly see the shimmer in his mossy eyes catch the moonbeams from the window. Your entire body felt fuzzy, like there was nothing in the world that could pull you from this moment.

“Y’ need anything? A glass of water? Want me to rub your back?”

He seemed more awake now, after taking a moment to tense up and stretch out his arm beneath your head. You moved with him, simply because you’d rather die than leave his arms.

Instead of responding to his tender question, you kiss him again. A lightning bolt of electricity shoots through your veins like you’d kissed him for the very first time. No matter how many kisses you’d give him in this lifetime, it always felt the same.

Your lips lock effortlessly, his tongue lazily tangling with yours as he pulls you tighter into his chest.

“A kiss, huh?” Ashton’s words bounce off of you, “That’s all you needed?”

You take a deep breath, and for some reason the thought of not kissing him for a third time made you upset. You were oddly vulnerable this late at night, all you wanted was to be close to him.

“You alright, angel? You’re all lovey dovey. Usually you’re a little demon this late at night. I can’t win with you.”

A soft chuckle shakes Ashton’s chest, your fingertips drumming along it.

“Thought I’d switch it up. I’ll let you be the crabby one tonight.”

Ashton scoffs, “Crabby? You kiddin’ me? When you kissed me just then— ‘thought I was still dreaming.”

“You’re not mad I woke you?” You ask, tugging at the collar of his t-shirt.

“Not at all.”

In one swift motion, Ashton is pulling you to lay on top of him, your legs straddling either side of his hips. But the act itself isn’t sexually driven, there’s no eagerness or lust in this position. It was just a way to get you closer.

You press your cheek onto his shoulder, kissing at his neck as he cranes it for better access. Your movements are tender and loving, with Ashton’s hands running up and down your back and moving your sweatshirt along with it.

“Cold?” He asks, and you can feel his body rumble with laughter when you nod yes.

“Is it always this cold in here? God, I’m freezing.”

“Oh hush. If I turned the air down you’d wake up in a pool of sweat and be grumpy in the morning. Sleeping in the cold is better for your body, anyway.”

“And who told you that?” You ask, trying to cuddle up to him to feed off of his warmth.

“Read it somewhere.”

You shake your head with a smile, letting the feeling of his rough palms lull you back into that peaceful state you were in before your mind ran off elsewhere.

The two of you sit still for a moment, Ashton attempting to do all of the things that help you fall asleep on any night where you get like this. He didn’t mind at all, he knew he’d sleep better if you were out cold beside him. He believed that waking up in the middle of the night to an empty side of the bed was worse than having to stay up those extra few minutes to help you back to sleep.

“Ash?” You break the silence, poking your head up to see his side profile.

“Yeah?”

“Sing for me?”

His chest shakes with laughter, the rubbing on your back coming to a slowdown.

“You want me to sing? Right now?”

“I wouldn’t be asking if not.”

With an apprehensive sigh, Ashton’s head sinks further into the pillows. He was no stranger to humming you back to sleep, or sitting at the foot of your bed and strumming out some obscure instrumental guitar piece while you took your mid-day nap. But it was late now, he didn’t want to disappoint you, yet he hadn’t quite enough energy to sing.

“If you don’t wanna, that’s fine. I know it’s late,” you say softly, pinching the fabric of his tee between two fingers.

He shakes his head, “No no, it’s not that I don’t want to, I just—”

You wait for him to finish his thought, still laying on his chest and listening to his heartbeat. But rather than completing his sentence, he begins to whistle.

You always knew how skilled Ashton’s lips were from kissing him alone, but whistling? This was news to you.

He began the tune of Songbird, by Fleetwood Mac, the high pitch sounds leaving his person truly resembling some sort of magical winged creature that was created specially to put you to sleep.

You cuddle back up to his chest, his broad palms squeezing your sides reassuringly then moving towards your ass— better believe he squeezed that too.

The air around you was growing tense. Now that you had Ashton awake beneath you, the closeness of your bodies piled onto one another still wasn’t close enough. You, unfortunately, needed to be closer.

As Ashton ends his song, you can feel his head pop up to check and see if his lullaby had won you over to the sandman. Unluckily for him, it didn’t.

“All that and you’re still awake?” he chuckles, his voice a bit froggy and coarse before he clears his throat, and continues to trace soothing circles onto your back.

You shake your head, a bit too sheepish to actually answer him with words. The feeling that was now clouding your mind seemed awfully embarrassing to have at two in the morning. Rather than speaking, having no better judgment to do so, you begin to faintly roll your hips against his groin.

“Baby—” Ashton giggles, an apprehensive warning.

“What? M’not doin’ anything.”

“Yes you are, you little minx. What’s on your mind?”

With the heaviest sigh you could muster, you lay your forehead flat onto his chest and continue to swivel your hips against him. You’d hoped that in your years of being with him, he was keen to read your mind.

“‘Wanna be closer to you.”

You had to give Ash credit for this, for his mind reading abilities were proven once again. The chaste kiss to the top of your head told you everything you needed to know as his hands slid from your spine all the way down to your backside.

“Could’ve just said so. You want me inside, don’t you?”

His suggestive words cause a shiver down your limbs, raising goosebumps on every single exposed surface of your flesh that were immediately remedied by his blistered palms.

“Yes, please—” you mumble, meekly pressing your cheek to his shirt.

“Don’t be embarrassed, my girl. Nothin’ to be ashamed of, yeah?”

If the lights were on in your bedroom, Ashton would see that your face looked about as hot as it felt. As you bumble awkwardly, Ashton ignores those minuscule, abashed whimpers and slowly starts to wiggle you out of your pajamas.

You move with him fluidly, lifting your hips to make things easier on him as he removes the pajama pants of his own; the two of you had a matching pair, which seemed fitting for the circumstances.

“I know you’re tired, angel— but you’ve gotta work with me okay?”

“I’m trying,” you plead, both of you giggling at the comfortable inhibitions of this scenario.

Once your lower half is completely bare, you lift yourself to sit upright. You could still see the slight shimmer in his eyes casted by moonbeams as his irises darted to follow your figure. He props his head up behind his elbow, ensuring the view.

The exchange is wordless, yet there’s a lot more fervor behind your actions as you slide his half-hard dick through the hole in his boxers. He grunts in approval, then hisses the moment you wrap your palm fully around him.

“Just like that, angel. Take it slow— ‘not in a rush or anythin’.”

You nod, your top teeth sunken into your bottom lip which was enough to stifle a moan as you lift your hips and drag his tip along your folds.

“Fuck,” Ashton groans, “you’re so fuckin’ wet baby. So ready. All this for me?”

“All— all for you,” you hum, stumbling over your words when he lifts his hips to prod at your slick entrance.

“Niiiice and easy. Just like that—” Ashton coaches you through the motions of lowering yourself onto his cock, his girth stretching you comfortably as you were already wet enough due to his caresses and kisses.

Once your pelvis reaches the base of him, a collective sigh engulfs the dimly lit bedroom. If only the lights were on. If only you had more energy to just ride him and get the both of you off. If only.

“Feelin’ good, angel? I must say, you look spectacular on my dick. As always.”

You push out a chuckle at his compliment, feeling too occupied by the feeling of him stretching your insides to even think, let alone fire off a witty retort. A moan catches in your throat when you try to change your position, his tip reaching your sweet spot the moment you attempt to lower yourself back down onto his chest.

“Lay back down. Just— relax. You’re doin’ so well.”

Your body eventually lays flat on top of him, his length still buried fully inside of you. You could feel him pulsing and twitching, your own walls clenching at the thought of just how intimate this experience was. He takes a hand to the nape of your neck, massaging your pulse point tepidly, then running those same fingers through your hair.

An elongated sigh leaves your chest as the two of you sit in silence; so relaxing, and sensual. You just can’t help but pop your head up to gaze into his hooded eyes.

“Feels real’ nice,” you say, groggier than before, “Thank you, baby.”

“What’re you thankin’ me for?” God, his voice was just so rich when he’s all sleepy and serene, “I should be thanking you. You’re fuckin’ perfect.”

As you traipse your lips across his jaw, the tired feelings that should’ve come around hours ago were finally starting to hit you. Like a ton of bricks, your body goes limp, leaving your trail of open mouthed kisses to his neck and exposed collarbone to go awry.

“Gettin’ tired, aren’t you?” You hear the words through the hollow of his chest, rather than them leaving his lips.

“Mmmhh—”

Ashton’s body relaxes as well, still deep inside of you with a lazy hand down the curve of your spine.

“Well, you can stay like this as long as you need. I’m here.”

Just as you intend to reply, most likely another string of thank you’s, Ashton presses a kiss to the top of your head, encouraging you to just give into your tiredness and let go.

Your racing mind finally comes to a halt, that ticking alarm clock disappearing into the warm pink hues of the Himalayan salt lamp; you knew this moment was everything you needed and more.

“Mmmh, love you,” you hum into his chest, eyelids heavy like sandbags.

Ashton’s heartbeat picks up slightly, you could hear it right through him; his entire body jolting with electricity as the two of you lay closer than you ever had been before.

“And I love you more.”

[sunshine-daisies-library]

starry eyed lies | ashton irwin x pop star!reader

author's note: had been cooking this one for a while, might be really sloppy bc i had zero time to work on it lol

summary: as a publicity stunt to boost the popularity of five seconds of summer, ashton is forced to fake date you, a rising pop star that has stolen the hearts of listeners around the world.

warnings: fighting, social media, cyber-bullying?, swearing, mentions of weed, fake dating trope, Ashton is labeled a "bad boy" lol, angst

word count: 11.0k

It was supposed to be a simple “fix-all.” Following the tour for Sounds Good Feels Good, the boys were running on a high. Their names were known all over the world, and they were loved by all girls for not only their music but their looks, too. But with a running high, things must come to an end, as the boys began to falter on their positive fame streak. From negative articles to drama tabloids being released about them, the boys were torn apart by critics and haters alike for their rock star-bad boy attitude. Wherever they made a mistake -one drink too many or ending up in another drama with other celebrities- the press was right there to pick them and prod them where it hurt. The boys’ hands were tied, and it looked like it was the end for their band as they knew it. 

“I’m really at a loss here,” their publicity manager sighed, holding a news article in her hand. On the headlines it stated “Aussie Punk Rock Boys Strike Again: Another Party Gone Wrong.” Depicted in the photo were Luke and Ashton’s headshots taken by the L.A.P.D. It was yet another public disturbance report with additional fines allotted because they were under the influence. On top of that, Luke was still underage and not allowed to drink. 

“I mean, really,” she pressed, tossing the paper onto the coffee table. “Another disturbance report? I thought I told you guys to cut down on parties and alcohol. What were you thinking?”

And to be completely honest, they weren’t thinking. With press on their backs and paparazzi following them everywhere they went, the boys felt completely constricted. Stress was building up in their systems and they lacked an older figure -someone more knowledgeable in the music industry- to guide them through their early onset of fame. One mistake after the other just egged each other on, leaving them feeling hopeless and self-destructive. It got to a point where Ashton considered doing one last big stunt to end his career entirely. At least then he’d finally get to go back home and away from the drama. 

But he couldn’t do that to his boys. His best friends he more so considered brothers had dreamed of moving to L.A. and making music for everyone to hear. Hell, it was his dream, too. He couldn’t possibly throw all of that away for his own selfish desires. Ashton still had to admit that he was getting tired of constantly being under the spotlight with little reward from it. 

“I’m sorry Manuela,” Luke said, hanging his head low. “It won’t happen again, I promise.” 

“I hope I can count on you guys when you say that,” she said, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Because there’s only so much I can do on my end to get you guys out of the hole you put yourselves into.” 

Michael leaned over his knees, determined to make things right. “Tell us what we can do,” Michael insisted. “We can clean ourselves up, we swear. We promised to take this break as a time to fix ourselves and really focus on our music.” 

“See, that’s the thing,” Manuela pointed out. “Taking a break is the perfect opportunity to get out of the spotlight and focus on bettering yourselves. But, completely escaping the press and media will make you guys fade out of the music industry. So we have to find an even balance between the two.”

“How?” Calum asked curiously. A frown rested on his tired face. Anyone could tell the bad press was getting to him. It was getting to all of them. “Everyone practically hates us.” 

Manuela grabbed the remote from the table and turned on the TV, connected to her computer. “That’s where we come in,” she started, sharing her screen to the boys. “What we need is a fresh face that’s receiving positive feedback to get you guys on everyone’s good side again.” She flicked through meaningless graphs and percentages of social media engagement and views on YouTube for their tour diaries and music videos. Ashton winced at the downward trend for each graph. “My team’s first option was One Direction. But considering the break they decided to go on, it’s obviously not a viable choice anymore.” 

“So who do you have in mind?” Ashton spoke up, flicking his hand up to ask his question. 

Their publicity manager clicked the remote to change slides. On the screen was a beautiful girl, smiling at the paparazzi. You looked shy, definitely new to the L.A. music scene but confident nonetheless. 

“Woah, y/n l/n?” Michael awed. “I’ve listened to her music before. She’s sick.” 

“And also America’s new pop princess,” Manuela informed them. “After touring with Taylor Swift as her opening act for the 1989 tour, she’s gained considerable popularity. She’s just moved to L.A. and records at the studio a couple blocks down. She’s new to the industry, but she’s promising.” Manuela switched  off the TV and turned to the boys. “And she’s probably your only option.” 

“Hold on,” Ashton said. He was struggling to wrap his head around this. “What do you want us to do with her? Record a song with her? Not to be rude or anything, but her music genre doesn’t mix well with our type of stuff, and I don’t feel like writing lovey-dovey shit.” 

Manuela chuckled at his immediate disgust at the idea. “No, we weren’t thinking that,” she reassured him. “For now, at least. What we need is a good influence in your lives for the public to see. Someone like y/n.” 

“So what now?” Ashton raised an eyebrow. “We just knock on her door and become best friends?” 

“Ash,” Calum scolded him, smacking his knee. “Be nice. y/n and I are mutuals on social media and she’s had nothing but nice things to say about us.” 

Manuela snapped her fingers. “Exactly,” she agreed. “Calum and Michael are already acquainted with her. We need a bigger step to bring you guys into the limelight.” The older woman turned to Ashton, ironically the one member that was most against this whole ploy. “We need you to date y/n.” 

The four boys let out shouts of differing emotions. Michael was shocked, Calum was confused, Luke was jealous, and Ashton was no doubt opposed. 

“Why him!” Luke whined. “He doesn’t want to do it, let me! I’ll gladly date her.” 

Manuela shook her head, adamant on her decision. “It’s gotta be Ashton, I’m afraid,” she said. “His “bad boy” persona is the most detrimental to your overall image. He’s got to be the one. Not to mention, y/n requested him specifically.” 

“Oh great,” Ashton groaned, voice dripping in sarcasm. “The plan is to sell me off as some pop star’s boy toy? How come she’s in on it and I have no choice?” 

“That’s not the plan,” Manuela told him firmly. “It was created in agreement between her team and yours. She needs all the publicity she can get to boost her fame and, well, you guys are aware of your own situation. It’s all for show, Ashton. All we ask is a few dates in public and even a kiss or two for the press.”

Michael snickered. “He won’t have a problem with that,” he muttered under his breath. 

“But,” Manuela cut the boy off. “We’re not asking you to marry her. It’s just a few months and then an amicable split. She’s going on tour at the end of the year, and you boys are going on your writing retreat. By then, both of you will be able to part ways and your relationship will be a thing of the past. She gets the publicity, your reputation gets fixed. It’s a win-win situation.” 

“Not for me,” Ashton fought back. He wanted nothing to do with this. Hell, he didn’t want anything to do with the band anymore. Each night, he plotted excessive plans to escape his prison called L.A. and fly back to Sydney to be with his family. He was sick of the lights, the glamor, the fame. 

He glanced back at his friends. His heart clenched at the dark bags under Calum’s eyes, and Michael’s uncharacteristically extra pale complexion from the lack of sleep. Anxiety had riddled the entire band, and it was clear on Luke’s hands where he had been picking at his fingertips. They were a wreck, and Manuela made it seem like he was their last hope. If he said no, they could pack up their things and go home. He’d get what he wanted all along. But Ashton couldn’t let go of the sparkling looks in their eyes when they received word from One Direction that they wanted them to open up for their concerts. He saw hope in their futures, saw something bigger in store for them. In some way, Ashton could still see that innocence in their eyes, blocked slightly by their stress and nerves. He was their last chance to bring that optimism back. 

“I’ll do it,” he gave in. The boys let out whoops of joy, tackling Ashton into a hug. Ashton was frustrated beyond belief, but he faked a smile just to see his boys get their spark back. 

–

Ashton was immediately regretting his decision the moment he stepped foot into the restaurant. The restaurant was too expensive for his taste, the kind of eatery that sold mediocre food primarily for you to post on social media for your “friends” to envy you. If this place was your idea as Manuela mentioned, it was only a mere insight of your personality. And without even meeting you yet, Ashton was beginning to loathe you. 

The musician checked his watch again, keeping his head down and away from any prying eyes. You were ten minutes late, and if you kept this up, Ashton predicted you wouldn’t even show up. Ashton swore under his breath, growing more and more annoyed by you. He never should have agreed to this plan. 

Suddenly, you came bursting through the door. Your eyes peered around the store before finding Ashton’s, immediately heading to the table he had saved. Ashton fought the urge to roll his eyes at your lack of sunglasses or hoodie. It was like you were begging for attention. Which, now he thought, you probably were. 

“I’m so sorry I’m late,” you apologized profusely, setting your bag on the ground and pulling out your notebook. A waitress immediately went to your table to take your orders. Ashton had only wanted water, but you ordered one milkshake and a side of cannolis. “Traffic was terrible, as per usual in L.A. I suppose. And then my publicity manager asked me to get my hair down for today, then she scheduled a nail appointment-” You took a deep breath, running out of air from talking so quickly. “I feel like a dress up doll,” you joked, giving the Aussie a sheepish smile. 

Ashton, however, was not amused. He barely returned your smile, his eyes narrowed in annoyance. “Whatever,” he murmured. “Let’s just pretend to look happy when the press gets here. We were supposed to have a ten minute prep time but since you decided to be late-”

“I didn’t decide to be late-” you fought back incredulously.

“We only have three minutes max to plan something good for the press to take a picture of,” Ashton finished, sending a glare your way for interrupting him halfway. 

You huffed, deep in thought before concocting something paparazzi worthy. “Just follow my lead, okay?” you said, watching a swarm of paparazzi approach the restaurant. The waitress set down your order and was about to dash off when you asked for two straws. 

Ashton raised an eyebrow at your idea, not exactly following along. You stuck the two straws into the glass, taking a healthy sip from it. You let out a moan of delight, smiling to yourself at the taste. Ashton fought the urge to chuckle at your almost innocent-like demeanor. He coughed to cover up his laugh, still stubborn enough to maintain his grudge against your tardiness. 

You took the paper wrapping of one straw and glanced up at the drummed in front of you. Tying the wrapper together, you raised the knot up. “Tug the other side,” you instructed. 

Ashton gave you a pointed look but pulled the wrapper nonetheless, pulling until the paper gave way and snapped in half. The knot remained on your end, making you cheer in victory. 

“I still don’t understand what the hell you’re doing,” he grumbled. 

You ignored him, closing your eyes and whispering to yourself. Ashton leaned back, not fighting back an eye roll. “Great,” he muttered. “I’m on a date with a weirdo.” How was this supposed to get the band good publicity? 

Opening your eyes again, you set the wrapper down. “I was just making a wish,” you explained as if it was the most obvious thing. “You never did that before? Tie a knot in the straw wrapper, pull, and whoever gets the knot gets to make a wish.” 

“That’s,” Ashton took a deep breath. “The biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard in my life.” 

You scoffed playfully, cocking your head to get a good look at the paparazzi. More photographers approached the windows, taking hundreds of photos of the two of you. “Try smiling more,” you told him. “Maybe people wouldn’t crown you with the “bad boy of the band” title if you did.” 

“I’m not the bad boy of the band,” Ashton retorted, smiling nonetheless. It was a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, but it satisfied the press who started flashing their cameras more frequently at the sight of it. 

Snorting, you took his hand and weaved your fingers together as you took another sip of your -now shared- milkshake. You let out a quiet giggle despite no one saying anything funny.

“You’re terrible at this,” Ashton deadpanned. 

“I’ve seen people do this in movies,” you responded, shaking your head as if he said something unbelievable. 

“Doesn’t mean it’s a good idea,” he said back, responding to your head shake with a chuckle. 

You hummed, turning away and muttering under your breath, “Look who’s talking.” 

Ashton couldn’t help but be amused by your clever comebacks. He never expected you to be able to keep up with his sarcastic comments. But here you were, dishing them out faster than he can create one. 

“Anyways,” you continued breezily. “You’re so the bad boy of the band.”

“What makes you say that?” he asked, readjusting his position in his chair to prepare himself for whatever response you’d curated. 

You took a pause to collect your thoughts. You took a bite of your cannoli as you thought to yourself. “First off,” you swallowed the remaining bits of the pastry. “In your first album, you’re the only one looking away from the camera frowning. Luke’s looking away, but at least he’s smirking a little bit. That’s big bad boy energy. And the bandana? Come on, you’re trying so hard to be edgy but I see your smile behind the drums.”

Ashton rolled his eyes for the millionth time that day. “Good to know you’ve done your research.”

“I have to get to know my new fake boyfriend,” you waved him off jokingly. “What am I supposed to do? Go into this blind? Surely you’ve done some research about me.” 

The Australian musician hesitated to respond. “I may have skimmed the binder?” he responded, a little bit embarrassed. He didn’t expect to have to know everything about you and your career. 

You squeeze his hand, reminding him you were still intertwined. “It’s okay,” you assured him. “We’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other later.” 

You both turned to the windows and noticed the swarm of photographers only grew in size, all of them in huddles behind cars. “You think we gave them enough to look at?” you asked. Not waiting for a response, you placed a couple bills on the table and pulled Ashton up with you. 

“Where are we going?” Ashton questioned as you both braved the outdoors, instantly getting bombarded by the paparazzi. Taking on a protective boyfriend role, Ashton wrapped an arm around your shoulders and lent you his sunglasses to wear. 

“Don’t worry!” you said, raising your voice a bit due to the loud calls of interviewers calling out to them. “I know a place!” 

You sprinted down the street and took a sharp right, tugging Ashton along with you. Impressively enough, you were fast enough to lose the press. Soon enough, you found the place you were looking for and dove in. 

The drummer blinked a couple times, trying to regain his sight after the millions of flashes nearly blinded him. Once his vision turned back to normal, he looked around the room to see a relatively empty restaurant. The lights were dim and gave the feel of a speakeasy but also had sweet handmade decorations adorning the walls. The place was endearing to him, somehow, because of how unabashedly unique it was. 

You directed Ashton to your favorite table in the back corner while you went up to the counter to order for the both of them. By the time Ashton had gathered his bearings in his seat, you returned with a tray full of food. 

“Welcome to the “Quilted Corner,” you introduced him to the cafe. “Everyone’s favorite eatery in the darkest corner of Los Angeles. And by everybody I mean probably just me and five other people.” 

Ashton nodded dubiously, understanding the unique name for the place once he got a good look at the grandma-esque decorations. 

“And what do you have in your tray of horrors?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at the assorted foods.

You began to divide the food between the two of you, the mountain of greasy foods slowly turning into a valley and then nothing at all. 

“I’m going to change your goddamn life, Irwin,” you declared, taking a napkin and wiping your hands with it. “This is the order Granny Stevenson -the owner- recommended to me when I first came here. I was lost in the city looking for a place to duck and cover from the paparazzi and came across this lovely place.”

You gestured to the spread of foods. “This is the “homesick cure,”” you told him. “It consisted of two double cheeseburgers, a side of fries, and a milkshake. All completed with Granny Stevenson’s special sauce.” 

“And a heart attack,” Ashton deadpanned. 

You ignored his statement. “This place is really special to me,” you confessed. “It actually cured my homesickness and Granny Stevenson is a grandma-away-from-home to me. This place is where I go to write songs or just get away from it all.”

Ashton poked at his order, a thin film of oil coating his fingertips. “I don’t see the inspiration factor here,” he said, his nose scrunched up. “It just looks like another fast food place in America.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, sad mis-fed rockstar,” you said with a smirk. You pointed at the one last item you didn’t mention. “Behold the Grandpa Stevenson special.” You held up the dish and smelled it deeply. “A blueberry cheesecake made in-house with all the love this place can put into it. Name a place that sells that kinda love, Ashton.” 

“I’m pretty sure Burger King sold that at one point in a mall food court,” he snipped back. 

You narrowed your eyes at the pessimistic drummer. “Not sold with love,” you reminded him. “Besides, they actually make this stuff here. No processed shit, only love.”

Ashton scoffed, turning his head away from the table. Love. What a load of bullshit. If you were gullible enough to buy into the “love” this restaurant sold you, you definitely wouldn’t make it in the cut throat music industry. You were too innocent. It was only a matter of time until those producers and media companies tear you apart like they did with him and the band.

Despite his negative attitude, he took a fork and tried a piece of the cheesecake. The light dessert just about melted on his tongue, the flavors of cream, blueberry, and cinnamon dancing along his tongue. It was the best thing he’s ever tried.

“Told ya,” you sang, eating your own meal with a knowing smirk on your face. 

Ashton feigned a look of disgust. “You didn’t tell me shit,” he grumbled. “It tastes like every other cheesecake.” That was a lie. It wasn’t like anything he’d ever tasted. Somehow, it tasted like home. 

You tried to wipe your messy face with a napkin. “No one that thinks this is an average cheesecake makes that kinda face.” When Ashton didn’t understand, you sighed, preparing to make the same face. “It’s the look you get when you touch down in your hometown after an eleven hour flight. Or the face you make when you write a banger bridge for a song you’ve dedicated weeks to. Or it’s the look you get when everything makes sense in the world.” 

Ashton stabbed his cheesecake and shoveled more of it into his mouth. Pure Heaven. “Whatever,” he huffed. 

The two of you finished the rest of your meal in silence, aside from sighs of content from you because the food was that damn good. You finished off your milkshake, but not before picking up the straw wrapper and tying a knot, just like you did at the cafe before. 

“Pull away, rockstar,” you instructed. Reluctantly, Ashton followed suit and tugged at the paper, the knot ending up on his side this time. You cheered, clasping your hands together. “It’s your turn now! Your first wish that shall be granted by the straw gods.”

Ashton shot you a look before tossing the wrapper to the side. “I don’t really care for wishes,” he stated plainly. You frowned at his negative attitude and that look alone made Ashton’s heart lurch. He instantly felt bad for the way he’s been treating you; it wasn’t your fault the press hated him. But still, he couldn’t help but put some blame on you. It was better than wallowing in self hate, he supposed. 

“It’s okay,” you collected yourself. “You can save that wish for when you need it.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m not going to need it,” he responded sarcastically.

You chuckled, taking a bite out of Ashton’s cheesecake. He let out a shout of protest but you paid no attention to him. “Trust me,” you assured him. “There’s always a time when you need a wish in L.A.”

–

“She’s weird,” Ashton grumbled, readjusting the cuffs of his button up. The boys were preparing for their interview with Buzzfeed in their shared dressing room, fighting for space in front of the mirror. 

It’s been a total of three months since you and Ashton started your fake relationship and the media has been eating it up. They followed the both of you everywhere you went, hiding in cars and in alleyways to get a glimpse of the so-called happy couple. You played your part well, holding his hand in public and kissing his cheek whenever you had the opportunity. From the public’s point of view, Ashton was just as taken by you as you were with him. The media fawned over his boyish grin and blush whenever you’d readjust his beanie in the winter cold. 

On your end, you were genuinely falling for the boy. Behind closed doors, he was just a boy from Australia, new to the fast paced life of being a celebrity. You saw through his cold facade, slowly cracking through the walls he put up around his heart, and you had a feeling you were growing on him. He’d still quip sarcastic comments and roll his eyes, but you didn’t miss the small smile that would rest on his face when he thought you weren’t looking. As rare as his genuine smiles were, you relished those moments because it was the only times you’d see the real Ashton, not the one he’s put out for the paparazzi. 

Ashton, however, was still holding out his grudge against you, albeit very weakly. His tough exterior was indeed toppling slowly. Your kind nature was just too sweet to not find you a little endearing. Ashton would never admit that you had grown on him a little, and a small part of him possibly looked forward to your weekly dates. He learned so much from you, it was as if he never wanted to stop listening to you. Not that he would tell you that, though. 

“That’s all you’ve ever said about her,” Michael shot back, glancing at the mirror to check his hair one more time. “Come on, mate, it’s been three months. Surely you have something new to say about her?” 

Calum agreed wholeheartedly. “Yeah, she’s come to the studio during her breaks from recording. That’s not even in your dating contract but she still does it.”

“Not to mention she gets us coffee every time,” Luke piped up. “That coffee is addictive, where does she get it?” 

Ashton couldn’t help but smile at the thought. He knew you’d always stop by the Quilted Corner -no matter how far of a walk it was- to pick up some coffee. And he knew you always tried to be slick about it, but he’d always catch you tucking away a slice of blueberry cheesecake in the band’s fridge, just for him. He’d never mention it, though. He wanted to let you have your fun. 

Calum let out a shout, pointing at the drummer accusingly. “Aha!” he cheered. “I knew she was growing on you!”

“What the hell are you going on about, Cal?” Ashton demanded, exasperated by his friends’ antics. 

Calum continued his childish shimmy, the other boys gleefully joining in. “You got that dumb smirk on your face,” Calum smugly pointed out. “You’ve got it bad for y/n, don’t you.” 

Before Ashton could respond, the director shouted, “Five minutes till shooting!” Glaring at the boys to keep them silent, Ashton made his way to the chairs in front of the camera, silently praying for this interview to be quick and over with. 

“Welcome to Buzzfeed, boys,” the director’s assistant approached them with a smile. She was petite but her voice was strong and insistent. “Make sure to always look at the camera, but above all, smile and don’t look down. The viewers want to see your faces, okay?” Nodding in confirmation, the boys readied themselves for the camera as the assistant swiftly moved out of the way. 

“Yeah Ash, don’t doze off dreaming of y/n,” Luke snickered into his ear, making the other boys chuckle along with him -aside from Ashton, of course.

–

The interview went as well as one could expect. The questions about the boys’ past were still continuously brought up but the boys answered the questions with grace they could only credit to Manuela. Luckily enough, the interviewer seemed to enjoy their responses, noting a significant maturity in the boys. They seemed to have gotten over their party phase and turned into serious musicians during their break from tours and parties. 

“Final question is for Ashton,” the interviewer shuffled through their papers. “Sources have spotted you and new singer songwriter y/n l/n around L.A. quite a bit following the end of the North American 1989 tour. Now, you both have confirmed your relationship and made it very clear you two are together. Has y/n been an influence in the reshaping of your image in the media?” 

Ashton bit the inside of his cheek. Just remember what Manuela rehearsed with you, he thought. 

“Yeah, y/n’s been great,” he answered, trying to not sound as monotone as he did during his practice runs. “She’s been such a great influence to me and the boys, always keeping a positive outlook on things. I learn a lot from her, and I’d like to think she’s learned quite a bit from me, too.” 

“Like jumping into the neighbor’s pool at midnight?” the interviewer jested, referencing the one time Ashton had drunkenly trespassed his neighbor’s home while they were on vacation. 

Ashton tried not to cringe at that one memory, heavily wanting to keep that part of him in the past. “Definitely not that,” he laughed awkwardly. “But definitely in a sense of navigating newly received fame and things like that.” 

“That’s great to hear,” they hummed. “Should we be expecting anything from you guys? Maybe a collaboration of some sort?”

The drummed shrugged his shoulders honestly. “It’s all up to her,” he responded. “We’re still taking a break from touring, but we do have an album in the works. Writing music with her is definitely on the table, for sure.” 

Ashton wasn’t sure what word vomit was spewing from his lips. Last time he checked, it wasn’t up to you whether or not you wanted to collab with the boys (you were clearly apprehensive about invading his space), he didn’t want to write music with her (possibly due to the fact that the last time you had a joint writing session, he was stuck staring at you curled up on the other side of the couch; you were just mesmerizing but he’d never admit that aloud), and he hated lovey dovey shit (because he hated the warm feeling brewing in his stomach whenever you’d smile or laugh at his jokes). But it wasn’t like he liked you, right? He had to focus on his career, his boys, his life. Not a relationship that’s destined for failure no doubt because of the media. 

 “I’m afraid that’s all the time we have for you guys, thank you so much for coming to our studio today!” The interviewer finished off the closing statements for their interview while Ashton was left inside his head. 

Truth be told, he was conflicted. He had, in fact, gotten significantly closer with you, closer than he’d expected to be at the very least. He still tried to be closed off, tried to push you away from him so he wouldn’t get attached and heartbroken in the end. You just made it so damn difficult. 

“Nice responses, Ash,” Michael patted his shoulder as they gathered their things in their dressing room. “Really downplayed how much you liked her there.” 

Ashton raised an eyebrow while picking up his phone from the side table. He was stupid enough to not look at the text messages. Particularly the ones from you that stated you were on your way to the studio for your own interview. 

“What are you saying, Mike?” Ashton asked tiredly, tired of the relentless teasing and questions he’s gotten about you all afternoon. 

“Mike’s saying that we know you’re in so deep with her,” Luke spoke up from the back as he slipped on his jacket. “Like, L-word close with her.”

Love? Why the hell would he love you? This was all a fake set up for their careers, why didn’t they get that? 

“Can you guys knock it off?” Ashton snapped, finally raising his voice. “I don’t like y/n and I never will. I don’t even like her as a friend. She’s obnoxious, annoying, and so unbelievably difficult to work with; the two of us will never work out. And thank God for that because if I have to spend more than 10 months with her to save your asses’ careers, I’m leaving the fucking band.” 

“Ash-” Calum said meekly.

“No!” he cut him off harshly. “I’m sick of being pushed around like a fucking doll for publicity. The band was doomed from the start because the press won’t leave us the fuck alone. And using y/n as a last Hail Mary is as stupid as it is useless. She’s going to be nothing more than a washed up young celebrity like the rest of us and fade to the past.” 

“Ash!” Michael stopped him. “That’s enough, we get it.” 

Ashton didn’t piece together their hastiness until it was too late. He turned around to see you standing before them. He didn’t even hear the door open. Your eyes were welling up as your mouth was slightly opened by his outburst. 

“Hi guys,” you weakly greeted them. 

Ashton took a step forward, freezing when he saw you stagger back. “y/n,” he whispered, unable to know where to start with his apology. 

“I have an interview in ten minutes,” you informed them quickly. “I’ll see you around later, yeah?” 

You seemed to have taken that as final as you pushed them out of the dressing room and closed the door shut. You didn’t move from the door until you heard all of their footsteps trail off and out of the studio. You let out a shaky breath you didn’t even know you were holding in as you hang your head low. And to think you thought he actually might have liked you, too. 

A knock interrupted your thoughts. “Ms. l/n?” a voice spoke up. “My name’s Ryan and my buddy Shane and I wanted to know if–” 

“Sorry,” you said, opening the door sheepishly. You hoped your face wasn’t giving away your embarrassment and hurt you were experiencing. “I-um, I think I need to be alone for a sec.” 

“Oh!” the taller one exclaimed. “To call Ashton? I think I saw him walk that way.” 

You bit your lip, nodding painfully slow. “Yeah,” you croaked. “Thanks, I’ll be headed there soon.” 

You didn’t leave any time for debate or questions as you pushed through the pair and walked in the opposite direction, straight to the bathroom. The two men glanced at each other in concern. 

“What’s up with her?” Shane asked.

Ryan only shrugged his shoulders. “I guess it’ll remain unsolved,” he mused wisely.

“That’ll be a great name for a show one day!”

“I know right?”

–

You were lucky that there was enough conflict in both of your schedules to postpone your date to three weeks after the interview. To say you were anxious was an understatement. You picked at your fingernails as you waited for Ashton to arrive at the park. 

You were conflicted with the entire agreement. A part of you wanted to end the agreement, rip the contract into shreds. Ashton was right, wasn’t he? This plan was useless, and your fifteen minutes of fame were almost up. It was only a matter of time until you were no longer relevant. Then what would you do? You’d have to go back home and start over, and maybe that’s better than what you had for yourself now: a fake relationship for attention. 

But at the same time, you had fallen hard for Ashton. Behind his rough exterior was a shy musician that was passionate in what he did. He loved music, but loved his friends and family more. You admired him for that, realizing that he only had a harsh image because he was protective of who he loved. You only wished that he saved that part of himself for you, too.

“I didn’t think you’d come,” a soft voice spoke behind you.

You turned around on your bench to see Ashton standing, hands sheepishly in his pockets. His cheeks were red from the cold as his eyes were trained on the ground. 

“Of course I did,” you responded somewhat brusquely. “It’s part of the contract, afterall.” 

Ashton scoffed, making you raise an eyebrow irritatedly. You had every right to be a bitch to him. He was the one bad mouthing you in the first place. Your mixed emotions had sat in your stomach for the past few weeks. Your anger was winning out the heartsick feeling. 

“What are you scoffing about, rockstar?” you quipped, disgust filling your tone instead of affection as it usually was in the nickname you gave him. “I signed that paper as much as you did.” 

“It wasn’t like it was my fucking idea,” he shot back, frustration fueling his voice. He pulled at his hair and laughed, but there was no humor behind it. “In case you forgot, I was forced into this bullshit! And to think I was actually going to apologize to you.” 

“About which part?” you shouted back sarcastically. “The part where you called me obnoxious and annoying? Or how about when you couldn’t stand to spend any more time with me or else you’d quit the band? Oh I know! How about when you called me a washed up celebrity? Take your pick, rockstar! You’ve got plenty to choose from!”

“Don’t fucking call me that!” he raised his voice higher than he ever had before. “God, I’m fucking sick of you and your “holier than thou” bullshit! You’re only in this shit for the money and the fame. I’m tired of playing this game and being a fucking plot device to launch your career! Maybe if you actually had substance instead of putting up the “innocent girl from a small town” act, people would like you more! Because Jesus fuck I don’t!” 

What Ashton failed to realize was that your ten minute grace period between meeting and the paparazzi coming was up. The photographers circled around you like predators stalking their prey, starving for anything to satisfy their appetites. You were too caught up in your argument, too, oblivious to the prying eyes of the public. 

“Don’t act like you’re so perfect,” you spat. “You want my honest opinion about you? I think you’re nothing but a stuck up member of a boyband who’s pissy because the attention’s no longer on him anymore. Face it, Ashton! You’re just like everybody else here! Self-centered, fucked up, and ignorant as all hell. Maybe that’s why the media fucking hates you! It’s not because they twist your actions, you just are a fucking terrible person and it’s about time you realized that!” 

Ashton silently seethed, opening and closing his fists as he tried to find the right words to say. “You really think that?” he asked in a low tone. He wasn’t really sure if he wanted to hear your response. Despite his harsh words, he truly craved your validation and he knew that he wasn’t going to hear what he wanted. 

“Yes,” you swallowed. “I do.” Silence filled the cold air as you stood at a standstill. The air filled your lungs like icy needles, not yet thawed for the seasonal change that was yet to come. It was like a test between the two of you. Who was going to be the first to bite the bullet and say what’s been on your minds? 

You made your decision. “Let’s end this,” you said, voice wavering. “Let’s put the both of us out of our misery and end this once and for all. I think we both got enough of each other.”

Ashton was taken aback. He thought the same thing, but he didn’t think you’d be the one to say it. If he was being honest, he didn’t want to end it. If he could spend the rest of his life on a tightrope, teetering towards anger and frustration for eternity just to be with you, he’d do it. But he knew he was hurting you as much as you were hurting him. He knew what he had to do.

“Good,” he agreed, mustering enough strength to not cry right there. He really was losing the one good thing he had going for him. And it was all his fault. “I’ll have Manuela reach out to your manager. You can..lose my number, I guess.”

“If that’s what you want,” you told him smoothly. On the inside, you were crumbling apart.

Ashton forced a nod. “Yeah, that’s what I want.” 

–

He didn’t expect things to get as bad as they did. Ashton knew the paparazzi was everywhere, he always did. But dammit, he got so lost in his anger that it slipped his mind. And the one time it did, everything went wrong.

But for the first time, the blame wasn’t on him. Not in the eyes of the media, at least. 

Is America’s Sweetheart y/n l/n Actually a Monster? 

Pop Princess y/n l/n rips Australian Musician Ashton Irwin Apart

End of an Era: Irwin-l/n Break Up is Messy and Unexpected

Even on Twitter, you couldn’t catch a break. 

#y/nl/nisoverparty

#y/nl/nisasnake

#y/nisthebiggestbitch

#y/nl/nisOVER

On every magazine and gossip column was a picture of your encounter with Ashton at the park. Lucky for Ash, the media only got a glimpse of your rant at him and didn’t get any footage of him yelling back at you. To the public, he looked like the innocent party while you looked completely wicked. 

Oh God, Ashton thought. I just ruined her life.

The weeks that followed were rough. Manuela called for a group meeting and told them that their ratings have gone through the roof. 5 Seconds of Summer were finally back on the good side of the press and were labeled as the “innocent boys from Australia” that got “led down the wrong path.” Manuela was happy that her plan had worked; 5SOS is back on track, but she was disappointed at what it cost. 

“Is there anything we can do to help her?” Michael asked at the end of the meeting. 

Manuela pressed her lips together. “I’m afraid not,” she sighed. “y/n’s manager cut off all ties with us. I think we got the message that she wants nothing to do with us.” 

Calum checked his phone, cringing at the amount of tagged posts he was in. All of them bashing you and everything you’ve worked so hard to create. 

“We have to do something,” Calum pleaded. “She’s not just a coworker; she’s a friend. She’s always been there for us, even if Ash wasn’t here, she’d come by. We can’t leave her hanging like this.” 

“Ash,” Luke turned to his friend, blue eyes pleading and desperate. “Can you talk to her? Maybe we can work something out. Anything.” 

Ashton stammered before he responded. What could he do? He was the very last person you’d want to see right now. He got you into this mess and painted you out to be a monster. The blame should have fully been on him. You wouldn’t have yelled at him if he didn’t push you over the limit. 

“Why should it be me?” he asked. “She hates me.” 

Michael scoffed at his friend, clearly upset at his poor attempt at weaseling his way out of this. “You’re joking,” he deadpanned. “She adored you. Whether you liked her or not she was your biggest supporter. When you weren’t around at the studio, she talked the world about you. You may have not liked her, but she loved you. So you have to fix this.” 

“Boys, relax,” Manuela insisted. “I’m certain her publicity team has a plan set for situations like these. She’s probably going to keep quiet for a while then re-emerge into the public scene again once the public wounds have healed. So it’ll be in her best interest and yours if you keep quiet and not cause a scene. Not when the public finally has a positive outlook on you.”

“That’s so..” Luke huffed defeatedly. “Wrong.” 

Manuela patted his knee comfortingly. “That’s the music industry, love.” 

–

You truly fell off the face of the earth. Ashton was at a loss. After the presumed “silent break” you took, he thought you’d get back into the swing of things. Media tabloids had died down, and it seemed like the public had forgotten about your argument and moved onto the next interesting thing. But you didn’t come back. Not even to your studio, the place remained empty. You didn’t respond to his calls, all of them going straight to voicemail. Your manager only picked up her phone once, insisting he stopped calling if he knew what was best for him. Not even your friends answered his frequent dm’s. 

Your instagram was dormant. The last post was of Ashton a month back, playing his guitar and smiling down at his lyric book. He didn’t even realize you took that picture until you posted it. He was a little shocked that you kept it up, considering all things, but at the same time you didn’t post anything anymore. You used to post everyday, updating everyone about your hectic life. All that was left were the photos that remained on your page. Ashton had caught himself too many times scrolling through, just to see your smiling face again. He beat himself up over the fact that his last glimpse of you in person was nothing but a broken shell of who you once were. 

Ashton pushed the door open, entering the last place he thought of that you could possibly be in. The smell of the restaurant was the same as it always was, full of spices and sweets that made his mouth water. But he had to stay focused. He needed to find you and talk to you. 

Behind the counter, an older couple approached him. Ashton immediately recognized them as the Stevensons, the couple you adored more than their own food. It seemed like they recognized him too once they reached the counter space. 

“You must be Ashton,” the older woman said, readjusting her glasses. Her wrinkles appeared as she greeted him with a smile, a sign that she lived a life full of laughter and smiles. The kind of life you confessed you wanted desperately. “y/n has spoken so highly of you.” 

Ashton ducked his head, blushing at the compliment. Even when you were gone you still managed to light up the room and make him seem like a better person than he actually was. “That’s actually why I came here,” he told them. “I was wondering if you had seen y/n come by.” 

The gentleman beside Mrs. Stevenson shook his head. “Afraid not, son,” he responded. “Not for a while, actually. We were quite disheartened about that, but that girl is always so busy, isn’t she?” Ashton smiled, trying not to wince as he cringed on the inside. 

“Let me make you something, honey,” Mrs. Stevenson insisted, rushing to kitchens before he could refuse. 

Mr. Stevenson ushered Ashton to the booths, away from the restaurant regulars. Ashton ran his fingers through his hair, the rain soaking his brown locks. Spring was a bitch with the rain, but he knew how much you loved it. “What brings you here, son?” he asked. “You usually come with y/n. Don’t tell me she’s in any sort of trouble now, is she?” 

Ashton sat down, dusting off his jeans. “Not exactly,” he answered honestly. “H-have you not heard in the gossip tabloids?” 

“Oh no,” Mr. Stevenson waved his hand. “We were never one for those magazines. Sarah is always strict on rechilut.” 

Ashton nodded along. “I did something wrong,” he confessed heavily. “And I hurt y/n. Not physically, but honestly it feels worse. I want to make things right, but I don’t think she even wants to talk to me.” 

“That’s nonsense,” Mr. Stevenson insisted. “y/n would never cut ties with people like that. Especially you, she was very fond of you.” It seemed like everyone knew that except for Ashton himself. “y/n talked to me like I was her own grandfather. Now, all my kids are grown up and moved out of California, so they don’t come around much. I appreciated her company, and I know for a fact that you shouldn’t give up on her.” 

The drummer’s shoulders slumped guiltily. “I don’t think I deserve that,” he told him. “I was awful to her. I did everything wrong. I don’t think she’d believe me if I told her I loved her all along.”

“Do you really love her?” Mr. Stevenson asked him softly. 

Ashton looked up into the older man’s gray eyes. He saw so much life, so much wisdom in them. If he looked deeper, he saw himself in his eyes, the him he missed all along. “Yes,” he answered truthfully. “I really do.” 

Mr. Stevenson patted his shoulder affectionately. “Then lead with that,” he advised him. “I’ve lived a long life, Ashton. And most of my life has been spent with my dear Sarah. If there’s anything I learned from that, it’s that sometimes you need to shut the hell up and let your love speak for you.” 

Ashton let out a tearful chuckle at his advice. Mrs. Stevenson rushed out of the kitchen, a steaming plate in hand. The older woman set it on the table in front of him. 

“I hope you don’t mind that I guessed what your homesick cure was,” she said sheepishly. “Artie said I should stop guessing but I had a gut feeling on this one. I was right for n/n, I hope I was right for you.”  

Mrs. Stevenson set down the plate to reveal a healthy serving of spaghetti and a glass of water on the table. Ashton’s heart clenched at the sight. “Did I get it right, dear?” 

Ashton couldn’t even respond, he just nodded wordlessly like a child on Christmas morning, eager to play with his toys. Mrs. Stevenson chuckled at his response, ruffling his hair gently like a mother would. “Eat it while it’s hot, honey,” she told him. “And I’m sorry, but it seems like someone forgot to order another package of straws. You’ll have to drink from the glass, I’m afraid.” 

Artie stood up from his side of the booth, playfully rolling his eyes. “I’m on it, honey,” he responded, following closely behind his wife. Before leaving to the kitchen, he turned around and gave the boy a wink. 

Left to his own devices, Ashton tucked his hand into his jacket and nearly jumped out of his seat in shock. Pulling it out, he realized it was the knotted end of the paper straw wrapper from so long ago. Turns out he really did need that wish. 

“Let me make things right,” he wished in his head. “I just want one last chance to do the right thing.” 

Setting it on the table, all Ashton could do was hope that whatever was out in the universe heard him.

– 

Soon enough, you did emerge from the shadows of your hiatus. You were lucky to have a loyal enough fanbase to keep you afloat, and your tour was still set for that summer. You were grateful for the fans that stuck around, and the new ones that came along the way. It was a rough journey, but you tried your best to power through it to the best of your ability. 

Now, you were in your dressing room at the venue you were expected to perform in, an absolute fucking wreck. You were curled up on your couch, trembling and unable to even raise your head from your chest. Sobs filled your room, but you insisted to every manager and passersby that you needed to be alone and fix it yourself. 

To tell the truth, you never truly recovered from the media frenzy that took you and Ashton by storm. You knew you had every right to turn the tides on him, revealing to the world that he wasn’t the perfect saint everyone painted him out to be. But you didn’t, and no one on your publicity team was able to figure out why. 

 The reason was that you were still unexplainably attached to Ashton. Somehow, even though he put you in the situation where everyone started to hate you, you couldn’t help but now be able to understand why he acted the way he did. How he was overprotective of the boys and acted out of self preservation simply because of how cruel the media could be. By no means did you excuse him for putting you in that situation, but you still grasped some understanding. 

The difference between you and the drummer, however, was that he had a support system: his boys. You were practically alone to deal with the mess, cornered and vulnerable. 

You were shaking frantically in your room, unable to free yourself from your thoughts. Only one look at your phone caused your entire psyche to crumble. One fucking tweet about you shook your confidence. Some anonymous user critiqued your music, only attributing your success to your past “relationship” with Ashton. Those simple words broke down the walls you were just beginning to rebuild, and now you were stuck in your dressing room, thirty minutes before you were called onstage. 

Meanwhile, Ashton was navigating through the maze backstage looking for you. A bouquet of your favorite flowers were in one hand, a handwritten card in the other. He figured you’d be somewhere backstage, prepping for your show. He didn’t count on you being in your dressing room since you told him in the past that you loved to watch the crowd from behind the curtains. 

But to his shock, you were still in your pajamas hyperventilating on the couch. Ashton has witnessed this before; he’s experienced this before. But seeing you go through the same struggles he and his boys went through caused his heart to ache even more. 

“y/n?” he called out to you. You didn’t respond, eyes still trained on the ground as your grip around your legs tightened. Ashton set his things down on the side table, instantly kneeling in front of you. 

“Ashton?” you finally spoke, voice raspy and exhausted. For a split second, you thought you were actually hallucinating, envisioning the one man you needed but feared the most. But his cologne wafted into your nostrils, alerting you it was him in the flesh. “What are you-” You heaved a deep breath, choking out a sob. You could barely take the overwhelming stress towering over you like a deadly ocean wave. It was only a matter of time until it took you under and swallowed you whole. 

“Love, I’m going to need you to breathe,” he instructed, his hands finding yours. In your anxious state, you were able to distract yourself from your worries at the mere touch of his calloused fingertips. It was a silent calling to you, gently beckoning you back into reality but not quite succeeding. 

Ashton took your hand and pressed it against his chest, tucking it underneath his slightly unbuttoned shirt. His warm skin electrified your palm, making your heart race -not from the anxiety- but from butterflies. “Pay attention to my breathing and try to copy it, okay?” 

At first, you struggled to listen to his instructions. You worked on your anxiety with your therapists over more sessions than you could count. You tried box breathing, yoga, and even journaling but nothing ever calmed your nerves, especially after the media went after you. 

But suddenly, you concentrated on the slow rise and fall of Ashton’s chest. The way his chest hair tickled your palms in a way that made you want to scrunch your nose at the feeling. How his heart was beating nearly out of his chest but you could tell he was trying to minimize it so he could attend to your needs first. 

You felt your Ashton. 

Moments that felt like hours passed until your breathing went back to normal and your tear stained cheeks dried. Ashton kept your hand against his chest, occasionally squeezing it to bring you back to reality when you teetered back into spiraling. This time, though, he rose from the ground and sat beside you. You let him move your legs over his lap as he practically held you against him. His smell was overwhelming. You could smell his cologne and shampoo, even the faint scent of weed from off his lips. He was intoxicating. He was the drug, dangling above your head, and you were weak, enthralled, captivated, addicted.

You found yourself leaning in to kiss Ashton, a real kiss this time. No corner of the lip bullshit that the press ate up every time. You didn’t expect him to kiss you back with the same fervor as you, hand wrapping around your waist and the other behind your head. It was sloppy, wet, and all shapes of perfect that you couldn’t describe. The taste of tea and weed transferred from his lips to yours as he pulled you in deeper. You gripped his shirt in your fist, hoping in your mind to mold your body against his and disappear from the world, anything as long as you were with him. His love was your poison and, at the same time, your cure. 

Reality began to sink in, making you push Ashton away forcefully and standing on your feet. He flew back into the couch, eyes wide and lips swollen. His perfectly slicked back hair was a gorgeous mess, curls gracefully falling down his face. Confusion riddled his face as he watched you curl back into yourself. 

“What are you–” 

“I shouldn’t have done that,” you whispered, unsure if you were saying that to him or yourself. “Why did I do that?”

Ashton stood up and reached for your hand, only for you to jerk back. “D-don’t touch me!” you exclaimed, scared of your own volume. Anxiety began to knock at your door once again, creeping in like a deadly virus into your system. “How could I be so stupid? Haven’t you put me through enough?”

You started to pace around your room, Ashton watching you move frantically back and forth until he got dizzy. You murmured to yourself not so quietly, scolding yourself for your stupidity and cursing him out for his enticing nature. All over again, Ashton was seeing you crumble.

“y/n, stop,” he ordered firmly, gripping your shoulders. You jerked to a stop, pausing to look Ashton in the eyes. You found yourself getting lost in the pool of hazel, wide eyed and entranced. “You’re going on stage in twenty minutes. Whatever’s going through your head right now, quit it. All of that can be put on pause until after the show, you hear me? And if that voice in your head brings it up while you’re out there, shut it down. What matters now is you, your music, and your fans. Fuck that voice telling you you’re anything short of great.” 

In his empowering speech, you forced yourself to listen to his words, ignoring the person those words were coming from. Taking his advice, you cleared your mind of the past few months and only focused on this moment: your first concert of your North American tour. 

Rushing to get ready, you scrambled around your room to prepare your hair and makeup. Ashton picked out your clothes for the concert, something simple that you absolutely adored but you paid little attention to the way your heart pounded at the thought. And in those twenty minutes, you were set for the show.

Your microphone in one hand and guitar in the other, you made your way straight to the stage. Ashton followed close behind you to ensure you didn’t misstep or forget anything. Mere inches away from the stage, you whipped your head around to meet his gaze just one more time.

“Thank you,” you whispered gratefully. “I know we haven’t talked, but thank you. Can I look for you after the show?” 

Your heart shattered at the shake of his head. “I’ve got a plane to catch right after your show so I can’t come by after,” he told you remorsefully. “But if you’ll have me, I’ll be right here when you come back from tour. Maybe then we can start again, correctly this time. None of the cameras, scripts, or any of that, yeah?” 

The sound of your name being chanted by the crowd was nearly deafening, but his words reached your ears and you smiled softly at him. In the corner of your eye, your stage manager pointed at her watch to inform you it was time to go up. Wordlessly, you pressed your lips one last time against his. 

“Don’t be a stranger, Irwin,” you told him, turning on your heel and pushing through the curtains. The crowd shrieked and screamed at the sight of you, instantly bringing a proud grin to Ashton’s face. 

This was only the beginning of something new and truly beautiful, Ashton thought to himself, hands in his pockets as he made his way to the VIP section.

–

Several months have passed since your North American and European tour and it has been almost a full year since you started your publicity stunt with Ashton. Throughout the tour, you and Ashton -and the boys, of course- kept close contact with each other, never going more than a day without a phone call or video chat. Over this period, you felt like you finally got to know the real Ashton, not bits and pieces he’d accidentally let slip when he first got to know you. This time, he was real and genuine, and that only made me love him more.

You tiredly dragged your suitcase up your apartment complex’s stairs, heaving at the ridiculous weight as you made your way down to your apartment. You didn’t expect to see a certain hazel eyed drummer standing behind the door when you unlocked it.

“Surprise,” he said sheepishly, balloons and blueberry cheesecake in hand. Tears instantly filled your eyes, you dropped your suitcase and wrapped your arms around his neck, nearly causing him to drop the dessert. 

Truth be told, you weren’t expecting to see him so soon, if at all. Your journey with your mental health has been a long one, and there were plenty of ups and downs. A part of you -one you were a little ashamed of- didn’t expect him to keep to his word that he’d be here now. Despite the plenty of calls and talks you had to rekindle your relationship, that nagging voice in the back of your head kept on asking “what if?” What if he took back what he said about wanting to start over? What if it was all in your head, and he never wanted to see you again? But without fail, Ashton was there, willing to rebuild your relationship into a close-knit friendship. And now he’s here, asking to make it something more. 

“You’re here,” you murmured into his chest, taking in his smell that you missed so dearly. “I didn’t think you’d come this soon. How did you even get in?”

Ashton pulled away, holding up your spare key. “Your friend gave it to me today,” he explained. 

Grinning you brought him back down into a hug before settling in and opening the box of cheesecake. Taking out two forks, the two of you ate straight from the box and caught up on everything, though there wasn’t much considering how often you both talked while you were away. 

“I’m really grateful you let me back in,” Ashton spoke up once the box had emptied. 

You were half listening, polishing off the plate of its sweet crumbs. “You let yourself in, silly,” you snorted, not quite understanding what he meant. “You’re the one who got a hold of my apartment key.”

Ashton chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. “Not that,” he laughed. “I mean letting me back into your life. I still don’t think I deserve it.”

“We talked about this, Ash,” you leaned back, setting your fork down. “We both said things we didn’t mean that day. We recognized it and we worked from it. We’ve moved on, and we’re friends. I think you deserve it as much as I do.” 

Ashton’s cheeks were tinged red as he tried to think of the right words to say. “I know,” he started. “But sometimes, I wish we had..more.” 

“More?” you raised an eyebrow. It took another second of you watching the drummer blush in embarrassment and vulnerability before it finally clicked. “Oh.”

Ashton stood up abruptly, wiping the invisible specks of dust off his jeans. “You can forget it,” he rushed in humiliation. “I-I just couldn’t stop thinking about that night of your first concert, how it felt, how you felt- and-”

“Ashton, slow down,” you giggled, standing up, taking his hand and tugging him toward you. A small smile rested on your face. “I still think about that night, too,” you confessed honestly. “And I want that, too. Whatever it is that you want.” 

The drummer looked up from your intertwined hands and into your eyes. He swore he saw stars in them. “Will you be my girlfriend?” he asked. “Again?”

You pulled him down into a kiss, your lips craving his all over again. “Yes,” you answered confidently as soon as you backed away to catch your breath. “I will be your girlfriend. Again.”

The two of you shared a laugh, enjoying the silent but welcoming comfort of each other. Standing in the middle of your kitchen, lips coated in sugar and blueberries. 

“What was your wish?” Ashton asked, pulling you closer to him as he broke the s. “Back at that restaurant when we first met?”

You hummed in thought, eagerly pressing your lips against his one more time to relish the moment. “My wish was that whatever we had back then,” you whispered, letting him in on your secret. “turns into something more.” 

“Well your wish came true, didn’t it?” Ashton smiled, a warm feeling bursting in his chest. 

You leaned your forehead against his, eyes fluttering closed. “Yes, Ash,” you said. “Yes it did.” 

--

please like and reblog if u enjoyed! <3

[irwinsblender]

reassurance

A/N: hi everyone!! this is my first fanfic that i’m posting on here and the first ever oneshot that i’ve written! as it’s coming up to christmas I decided to write a festive themed oneshot as my first post! i hope you enjoy :)

pairing: ashton x reader

summary: reader has worries about meeting ashton’s family in person for the first time

warnings: a small amount of anxiety

word count: 1k

✩ ✩ ✩

Usually, you were always excited for the Christmas season. Celebrating with loved ones and giving out gifts had always been your favourite thing to do.

This year was slightly different.

Ashton had suggested spending Christmas in Australia with his family this year. After many video calls had gone well with them, he assumed it wouldn’t be a big deal for you. Of course, it wasn’t at first. You were over the moon about getting to go to his home country for the first time.

With your flight there coming up in a few days time, you’d both been packing your bags in preparation. Including any gifts that had been bought for his family.

When you decided on taking a break from packing, Ashton offered to pick up some food. Expecting you to be ready to eat once he returned. Instead, he found you sitting out on his back porch, staring out at the darkening sky above.

He considered leaving you to your thoughts, thinking that you’d been okay all day. Something inside him told him that he couldn’t leave you alone. Something was wrong.

The back door opening caught your attention, glancing back to see Ashton walking outside. You sighed, leaning your head against the back of the chair you were sat on. He joined you, sitting down, waiting until you were ready to talk.

You cuddled into Ashton’s side, slipping your arms around his torso with your head against his shoulder. His arm draped around your shoulders.

“Everything okay, baby?” Ashton asked.

You shrugged, not sure how to tell him that you were freaking out about meeting his family in person for the first time.

“Is it about Australia?” He tried to answer for you if you didn’t want to speak. You nodded. “You’re worried for the flight? I know you’re concerned about how long it’ll be.”

“No, it’s not that,” you closed your eyes, trying to figure out how to explain your feelings. “I’m anxious… about meeting your family.”

“Oh,” he said. Not expecting you to say that. “You’ve been alright talking to them on our calls though, haven’t you?”

“This is different though, a lot different,” you sat up again, crossing your legs in front of you as you faced Ashton. “It’s not talking to them through a screen this time, I’ll be seeing your mum, your siblings, your grandparents, it’s a lot, Ash.”

With the way your voice almost broke at the end, Ashton couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen a hint of your anxiety to meet them sooner. You’d talked many times since agreeing, and none of those times had you expressed how worried you were becoming.

“You’re good at talking to people you haven’t met before,” Ashton tried to remind you. “You were fine talking with the guys the first time you met them.”

You looked away from Ashton after he said that, seeing the sun getting lower and lower. With how you were sat, Ashton moved to rest his hand on your knee, caressing his thumb back and fourth to comfort you.

“I’m not worried about talking to them,” you finally admitted. “I’m worried that they won’t like me.”

“Baby…” Ashton looked at you with a sad expression, the same way he always looked when you said things like that. “They like you already, they’ve seen the way you are on call, or when we’ve posted together.”

“How can you say that when they haven’t met me? Yes, we’ve talked, but over a video call.” You slouched in your seat, running one hand frustratedly through your hair. “I’m different in person than over the phone, you know that better than anyone. I’m quiet if someone calls me, but I can be the loudest person in the room when I hang out with our friends.”

“You’re my girlfriend, they’ll like you, baby.”

“just because I’m your girlfriend doesn’t mean they’ll like me.” You replied stubbornly.

Ashton figured he’d have to take a different approach to how you were thinking. He moved to face you more, patting his lap for you to sit on, which you could never say no to. Now sat comfortably with your hands in his, he continued talking.

“They haven’t chosen whether to like you or not depending on if you’re quiet in one setting or loud in another,” he placed his hands on your waist, rubbing up and down softly. “They liked you even before they saw your face. They liked you as soon as they realised how happy you make me. All they’re worried about is that you care for me and love me.”

You nodded, listening to what he said to you. What he was saying was true in every sense. Your parents were the same with him. As long as you’re happy, and as long as he takes care of you, they couldn’t not like him.

“and you do care for me. Every day you care for me, and love me, I feel it every second we’re together.” He cupped your cheek in his palm as you leaned into his grip. “They like you because I’ve told them about the real you, the you that I fell in love with, the you that I want to be with forever.”

“What if I mess up or say something wrong as soon as we get there?”

“I’ll be there to jump in,” He reassured. “If you get too anxious, I’ll start talking. If you aren’t sure what to say, I’ll talk for you. Until you’re more comfortable with my family I’m more than happy to do whatever you need to feel okay.”

You took a breath as you nodded at him. Feeling slightly better about this whole situation. All you needed was a little reassurance from Ashton, and that’s exactly what you got.

“I love you, you know that right?” You chuckled softly.

“And I love you,” Ashton leaned in, pressing a delicate kiss to your lips. “You’ll talk to me next time you have any worries?”

“Yea, I will.” You promised, looping your arms around his neck as he hugged you closer to him.

For now, everything had turned out okay in the end. You’d admitted how you felt, Ashton understood and didn’t mind at all. He was going to suggest going inside when you spoke again.

“What if your sister doesn’t like me?” You asked.

“Don’t give me that! You two are practically best friends already.” Ashton laughed. “Now, come on, we should eat before the food’s completely cold.”

✩ ✩ ✩

[bartxnhood]

you don’t go to parties | a.f.i

ashton irwin x fem!reader

summary: ashton wonders why he keeps searching for you at parties. because after all, you don’t go to parties anymore.

warnings: drinking, swearing, just the party scene

w/c: 2.4k

requests open

not proofread

Copyright © 2023 bartxnhood. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.

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“hey, it’s y/n. sorry, i missed your call. leave a message after the beep. bye!”

“hey, uh, it’s me, just been thinking about everything tonight and i don’t know… i just miss you so much. call me when you can. bye.”

ashton removes the phone from his ear and ends the call, followed by a long, drawn-out sigh as he stares at your contact photo.

you were standing on the harbour bridge with him, kissing his cheek. it was taken on his first tour, when the band was opening for one direction, and he had just asked you to be his girlfriend, to which you of course said yes. he was your best friend and the person you had fallen in love with years before.

you've been by his side since the beginning of the band till today. you helped him throughout his most difficult times, and he did the same for you. at one point you considered him your soulmate and imagined spending the rest of your life by his side.

that was, until the parties.

it wasn't horrible at first. you'd join him at a few parties here and there. it was fun at first but then things got out of hand. ashton would party practically every night, and the parties eventually moved to his house, where you also lived. and it was well into the morning before the nights ended. so, you'd just hide out in your bedroom or at a friend's house.

it was exhausting. you could never get anything done because your house was always filled with strangers. and you couldn’t talk to ashton about it because he was always hungover and told you he’d talk to you later.

eventually, it got to the point where you just couldn’t take it anymore. so, you left him.

ashton was a disaster. every night, he'd be out partying or at a bar, hoping to drown out the haunting thoughts of you.

his partying addiction had gotten worse since you left. he couldn't even remember what he done the previous week since he had been partying so hard that it was killing him.

sometimes he’d call you when he was blackout drunk, professing undying love for you and how he regrets everything. other nights, when he isn’t so drunk, he’d still call you and apologize for the drunk calls.

he was spiraling down a deep dark alley, and if he didn’t fix himself now, he’d never see the light again.

ashton didn’t know why he continued to party and drink so much. but, he continued without thinking about the consequences. even if he knew how bad he was while under the influence.

some nights were worse than others.

one night it got very out of hand.

it was nearing five in the morning and ashton had one too many like he usually does but tonight was different. he was angry. angry at himself for letting you slip from his hands, angry he treated you like gum on the bottom of his shoe when instead of the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

ashton sat on his sofa staring at the wall with a red solo cup in hand, occasionally looking towards the door hoping you’d walk through and come back to him. but of course, you never did, and you wouldn’t because you don’t go to parties anymore.

luke sat with his head hung, rubbing his temples. “ashton, you’ve had too much. cmon man. just go to bed and we will clean up. it’s almost five a.m”

but ashton doesn’t say anything, he just sits there and down the rest of the liquid in his cup before tossing it to the floor

“yeah, no wonder y/n left you.” ashton hears michael say under his breath which was just enough to send ashton over the edge.

now it was getting out of hand, ashton was screaming his lungs out at michael while he just stood there with his hands up, signaling he didn’t want to fight ashton.

finally luke called the one person he knew who would help. you.

“hey, y/n, i’m sorry it’s so late…well early but ash is drunk, very drunk. can you come get him? he’s causing a scene.”

"what? oh, christ. yeah, I'll be there in ten," you said as you jumped out of bed, grabbed the nearest sweater and sweatpants, and ran out of your apartment.

your heart felt like it was beating out of your chest. the drive was a blur, trying to get there as quickly as possible in order to avoid another fight.

you knew most people would never do this for their ex, but you still loved him. you were still madly in love with him at the time. you listen to every message he's ever left on your phone.

your inbox was overflowing with them.

you heard every sincere confession, every drunken apology, and every sober apology.

of course, you still had feelings for him.

you never stopped.

“thank you for coming.” luke swung the door open letting you slip inside, then walked through the trashed house. “he’s in the living room” you looked through the kitchen archway to see where luke was pointing, and then you saw him.

you pushed the door open and walked across smashed cans and cups to his side. "ashton?" your voice was soft, as if you were unsure how he would react to your sudden appearance. maybe he'll lash out at you, or he'll remain mute and go away.

he raised his head, his gaze meeting yours. ashton comes to a halt from whatever nonsense he was doing, which was probably another drunken rage. was this really happening? he asks, as he stares at you in bewilderment. are you standing directly in front of him? was he dreaming?

"y/n?" he calls your name, and you question, "ash, what's going on?" and his eyes glaze over merely hearing your concern.he only blinks in response, trying to figure out the situation.

he can't believe you're at his party after swearing them off, and it's for HIM. not anywhere else but his house. he says "y/n" a few times before wrapping his arms around your stomach and tightening his grip. he couldn't let you go away again.

you just let it happen and hug him back as he sits on the sofa, saying, "hey, I'm here, it'll be okay" and attempting to calm him down. despite your best attempts, he pulls away, taking everything in.

you noticed luke about to say something, so you put your hand out to stop him, silently shaking your head.

you knew ashton was in pain, so you took him upstairs. "hey why don't we get you upstairs and into bed?" you gently held his arm, which calmed him down. he allowed you to take him upstairs and away from the party. you pull over to chat to one of the boys on the way, saying that you're going to take him to bed.

"I appreciate you calling. I'll get him settled and then return to assist you with the cleanup." you say to luke before leaving.

you help him upstairs, doing your best to keep him upright. as you led ashton to the bed, he was babbling incomprehensible words. and after completing your normal cleaning and care for him, you took a step back. anxiety and confusion consume your body. thank goodness, his luke called you.

You've read the articles about his constant parties and the drunken scenes he created. he was a mess. but it was how he was dealing with the break up. you, on the other hand, have stayed home every night, watching sad movies, weeping yourself to sleep most nights, losing your appetite, and creating excuses not to see sierra or crystal. Isolation was your only option for coping.

you begin to rub the bridge of your nose as you stand by the side of the bed, looking down at ashton, who was in and out of consciousness. your heart was beating, and you were at a loss for what to do. when ashton opens his eyes and sees this, he becomes upset once more. he’s sorry you had to go to another party for him, and he rubs his eyes before saying, "you shouldn't have come." "y’hate parties." "i had to," you say, dropping your hands. "i was worried." he could see it in your eyes that you were sincere. "you're scaring me, ash" you took a pause to attempt to calm yourself as tears began to pool in your eyes.

you try to get him to bed without confessing anything or saying anything you don't genuinely mean, knowing he's incredibly inebriated and emotional. "scaring you?" he took a deep breath as he watched you toss his shoes to the floor. "yes. you’re killing yourself. i’m not going to sit by and let you do that." maybe you were getting a little emotional right now, so you looked away to gather your thoughts and finish getting him ready for bed. if he chooses to sleep.

you left the room once he was settled for a bottle of water. he probably won't know you're gone. only luke and calum remained, clearing up the garbage from the party. they all glanced up at you, waiting for news, but you just shook your head and said nothing.

you returned, half-opening the bottle and placing it next to the bed. ashton is staring at you in awe. "you're always the one taking care of me and i never deserved it," he says. “you deserved so much better than me." you didn't let the fact that he was incredibly intoxicated and emotional get to you.

you lower your head, nibbling on the inside of your cheek. don’t let him hurt you like this, y/n. you kept thinking to yourself, he was intoxicated and didn't mean anything. you get up to leave, eager to go home and cry into your pillow about how much he misses you. he reached for your hand, carefully gripping it, and said, "stay with me." you freeze, tilt your head, and appear torn, so he adds "please? just tonight." while staring into your eyes, desperate.

so, you stayed. laying on the opposite side of ashton, you heard his breath steady assuming he was finally going to sleep. until you heard “i love you.” you had only hoped that if you were still he’d leave it alone and would just go to sleep. but he continued. “when i left that morning, i didn’t stop. i never did. you’re my whole world, and i hate the person i’ve become. i wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but i screwed it up.” your heart was racing, picking at your nails you felt him shuffle next to you. “you were the best thing i’ve ever had and i let you go. ‘m sorry. you can hate me. i understand.” you waited a bit, but that was the last thing he said for the night.

you ended up leaving before he woke up because it was now daylight and you didn't want to be there when he did. you stood above him before leaving, and he looked so calm. naturally, you bowed down and kissed his brow softly before exiting the room. so, you were gone by eight a.m. you had a minor breakdown on the drive home, knowing that the love is still there, and seeing him so vulnerable makes your heart ache. but you kept reminding yourself that he was drunk. he most likely didn't mean half of what he stated.

right?

you had just finished your meeting the next day and were standing in your kitchen preparing a cup of coffee when you were stopped by a rhythmic knock. you walked over leaving the cup on your counter. as you answered the door, you saw ashton.

“hey.” he said, stuffing his hands into his jacket. you stepped back, then saying “why are you here?” ashton looked around, spitting a few framed pictures of the two of you which he thought was odd. he thought you hated him. he shrugged, “i just wanted to thank you for last night, and everything.” you sighed, “come in” you stepped to the side and let him enter, then closed the door behind him. “do you want some coffee?” he sat down on the sofa.

“sure.” he answered, looking around the room. you came back with a black mug and handed it to him, and took your seat across from him.

there was a moment of silence, the two of you would steal glances at each other but didn’t want to say anything, wondering how to approach the conversation waiting to be held.

his comment was abrupt. “i meant what i said, you know.” you looked up from your coffee, to meet with his eyes already looking at you. “what?” you blinked, placing the mug on the table. “last night. everything, i meant it. from me still loving you, to wanting to spend the rest of my life with you. i meant every word.” he was being sincere, he held eye contact as he spoke and didn’t break it once.

truthfully, you didn’t know what to say. the situation wasn’t ideal, and to be honest with yourself, you knew you still loved him. “ashton..” you finally spoke, followed by a long sigh and dropping your head into your hands.

“then why do you continue to do this? you’re drinking yourself to death, ash. how can i trust that you won’t do it all over again, even if i want to work this out?” ashton stands up from his spot and moves in front of you, on his knees as he holds your hands. "i get drunk to forget the color of your eyes and the way your hair falls and how soft your skin is and the way your smile makes me feel; but it seems like the alcohol can't change my memory of you." he had been waiting to tell you this for the longest, “i do it because it’s the only way i know how to cope and i know it isn’t the best way, but it’s all i know.”

ashton runs his thumb over your knuckles. you look down at his calloused hands feeling your lip quiver “and if that isn’t enough just tell me, and i’ll leave for good.”

you shake your head letting the tears fall, “ash..i just want you to stop..all this drinking isn’t good for you, i can’t just let that happen.” you say, and he nods. “i know, i know.” he hushes your tears, raising up to hug you. “i’ll do better, i promise.” he says into your hair while wiping your tears.

“how can i trust you?” you ask

“because, i love you. and i’ll be damned if i lose you again.”

[honeyirwin]

are people like,,,, still alive for ashton irwin fanfic? would y’all be alive if i wrote ashton irwin fanfic? is this something people still want? because i do so bad

[deadricslover]

Sweet nothings

a/n: Don't even know how I came up with this one tbh but I'm depressed because tour is over so I've been thinking about the guys too much.

summary: After a long day, you finally get home and spend some time with your partner and your sleep app comes in handy the next morning.

warnings: None :)

pairings: Ashton Irwin x fem!reader

--------------------------------------------------------------

Your ears got used to the car horns blaring and engines rumbling as you sat in traffic waiting impatiently to get home after a day that has-- for lack of better words, exhausted you. Those familiar sounds were soon interrupted by a sound that clashed with the cars and their horns. Your phone. You pick it up and glance at it quickly even though you are stuck in traffic that's not moving. You answer it and put it on speaker, dropping it onto your lap

"Hey, Ash" you say into the speaker

"Hey, you. Where are you?" he asks clearly wondering where you are as you should have been home almost an hour ago.

"Stuck in traffic." You sigh simply wanting to go home, see your partner, eat dinner whilst watching TV and go to sleep.

"Ah, I should have come to get you" he replies hearing your tone.

"That wouldn't have gotten me home any faster" you giggle

"I could have been there to keep you company at least. I've been home all day by myself" He hates being alone for too long, you knew this but needed to leave nevertheless.

"Would've could've should've" You reply not even thinking up of another answer for him.

You hear him let out a little laugh before informing you "You sound like a dad"

"Thanks, Ashton" You reply sarcastically. "I should be home in about half an hour" you let him know

"Perfect. I made dinner. I don't want it to get cold" he replies

"Ooh, what did you make?" you ask genuinely curious but also wanting to keep talking to him and not hang up

"You'll see when you get home." he tells in a sneaky tone.

"Ahh, I see" you understand "how was your day?"

"nothing out of the ordinary. Just played around with some songs for a while"

"anything good?"

"I'll ask the guys and see what they think. I'm not sure how I feel about them" he replies honestly

"they're better than you think. don't worry" you support

He thanks you and you wrap up the conversation with him nearing twenty minutes later as you were close to home. You lock your car and open the front door to your home dropping your keys inside the front door. Ashton comes around the corner when he heard the door open to greet you with that perfect, contagious smile that could brighten the gloomiest of days. You're greeted by the comforting scent of dinner wafting through the air. The soft glow of fairy lights adorned their living room, creating a warm ambiance-- one that you needed at this moment.

"you're home" he says, wrapping you in a tight embrace. The stress of the day seemed to melt away in that moment. His comfort was all you ever needed in life, his warm energy and personality.

"What's all this?" you ask, a curious smile forming on your face as you notice the carefully set table and the delicious aroma of your favorite meal.

"Just a little surprise for my hardworking girl" Ashton replied pulling away from you slightly to catch your reaction, his eyes sparkling with affection.

"Do you want to change first?" He questions letting go of you but still holding your hand in his lightly as if you were a delicate piece of art-- which to him, you were. You nod softly before leaving and changing into something a little more comfy. You take your hair down as you make your way back into the kitchen and see him dishing up two plates.

"no peeking" he says without even turning around to you, knowing you all too well. you smile and roll your eyes as if he would see and left the kitchen. he quicky follows you and being the gentleman he is, pulls out a chair for you before pushing you back in and hurrying off to get the plates.

Throughout dinner, Ashton couldn't help but constantly steal glances at you, when you weren't looking, in awe at the way your eyes lit up when you spoke your part of the conversation. As the evening went on, the atmosphere shifted to one of tranquility, the pair enjoying each other's company in the soft glow of the living room, catching up on some tv that you had missed the night before, before making your way to bed to wrap up the perfect night.

As you were exhausted from the long day you had, you slept almost instantly after finishing your night routine and got cozy in bed whilst Ashton brushed his teeth. He saw you wrapped up in the duvet all snuggled up and couldn't help but smile at you. Something about tonight was just so lovingly domestic that neither of you could help stealing glances at eachother and smiling to yourselves.

he turns off the lights and gets into bed next to you cuddling up. He couldn't help but admire you even more as the moonlight hit your sleeping face. He plants a kiss into your head and nuzzles his nose and face into you sweetly.

"I love you" he whispers. "so so much"

"I don't want to wake you, but I needed to say it" he adds

He whispers sweet nothings to you for a little while before eventually drifting to sleep.

The next morning you woke up without Ashton by your side. He had mentioned that he wouldn't be there and he would be at the studio with the guys when you woke up. You grabbed your phone as you sat down to eat breakfast and saw notifications from different apps. your sleep tracking app popped up and indicated that you had been sleep talking. Curiously you click into the app and press play on the audio and Ashton's voice reaches your ears. You hear all of the sweet nothings that he whispered to you when you were sleeping and couldn't help the formation of butterflies in your stomach. You decided to ask him about it when he came home later on that day. You got ready for work and left for the day.

Differently to yesterday, Ashton got you from work on the way home from being at the studio.

"Hey, Ash" you greet him, getting into the car.

"hi, my love" he replies placing a kiss to your face when you settle in.

after asking eachother about your days you decide to ask him about the sleep app.

"can I ask you something?" you question

"anything" he replies

you didn't know exactly how to go about it, but wanted to know that you knew so you decided to just play the audio for him. he glances over you slightly confused until he realizes what's going on. He goes red and looks away embarrassed about what's happening. he doesn't regret it, but wishes your stupid sleep app hadn't caught it.

"turn it off" he laughs gently pushing the phone out of your hands.

"you're so sweet" you tell him, placing your hand on his that's on the gearstick showing him there's nothing to be ashamed about.

"shut up" he shushes you, still smiling as he puts his hand on your thigh momentarily.

You finish the day exactly the same as the previous day, but Ashton makes sure to block the permissions from your sleep app so that it doesn't catch anything else. He isn't upset that you heard, and to be honest, he's not all that embarrassed, because he says this stuff to you all the time but it's just the fact that you caught him. He wouldn't change that you heard it though.

[completemessash]

Mistletoe (a.i.)

notes: just some xmas time fluff 🥰

Warnings: none

xxx

"Y/N", your friend Crystal poked your shoulder and you turned to look at her.

You had been watching some of your friends try to figure out a card game but Crystal took your attention with a nod towards the door that connected the living room to the entrance hall.

Ashton was standing there, leaning on the door frame with a glass of what seemed to be juice in hand.

His dirty blonde hair was illuminated by the light shining in the hall, making him look like there was a halo around him. His eyes crinkled as he also watched your friends play games, the hazel in them shimmering.

You raised your eyebrows at Crystal, trying to stay calm. God, why was he always so beautiful? He was just standing there, but he looked beautiful.

"Look at the door", Crystal whispered when you looked back at her again.

"No, higher up", she whispered when you looked at the side of the door frame that Ashton wasn't leaning on.

Higher up, right above him, was something green. Oh, absolutely not!

"Come onnn!", the tall brunette next to you gave you a light shove.

"Crystal, no", you took a step closer towards the couch, thus away from him.

"If not now then when?"

You bit your lip, knowing she was right. But you couldn't just -

"We'll say I forced you if it goes wrong"

Damn Crystal and her stupid smart ideas.

"But I -"

"Just a harmless Christmas tradition"

Your feet wouldn't budge though. Crystal kept explaining her master plan to you, while your mind was running in circles: What if someone saw? What if you tried to do it and he pulled away and you just ran into the door?

No, it was now or never, you could blame Crystal.

You took a deep breath, one last glance towards the couches to make sure no one was paying attention and before you could attempt to change your mind, you started putting one foot in front of the other.

Crystal was whisper cheering behind you and you were blushing before you even reached him.

He was intently watching your friends - Michael and Luke were currently trying to tear cards out of each other's hands - not noticing you. His tall figure loomed over you - even the underside of his jaw was beautiful.

Okay, you couldn't just stand here, waiting until he noticed you or worse, the others would.

"A- Ash?", you couldn't even get his full name out, your voice breaking on just the three letters.

You gulped when he looked at you, trying your best not to freeze under his hazel gaze. In your mind you heard Crystal cheering you on and you did it.

Pushing yourself on your tip toes to reach him, you leaned forward, almost losing your balance and falling into his chest in the process, and quickly pressed your lips against his.

Barely one or two seconds went by, then you rushed past him and down the hallway. What were you thinking? More importantly, what now?

"Ash! I spent hours - hey!", Michael was complaining loudly.

Then you heard footsteps quickly coming closer. Not good, really not good.

"Y/N", you suppressed an embarassed whimper when he called your name. He'd only said it a few times before as you always kept your distance a little.

You were ready to apologize when you turned around but the words got stuck in your throat yet again. He had that expression on his face.

The one where his eyes lit up, they were big, almost innocent, and glistening. His lips were slightly parted - you wanted to squeek from how cute he looked... or maybe faint.

He slowly took two more steps, so he was standing right in front of you and you had to lift your head again to meet his eyes. He tilted his head, not saying anything either, while his gaze slid over your face.

"Why did you rush away?"

You shrugged, averting your eyes to where your toes almost touched. Your face could've probably been used to cook eggs on when you felt his fingertips under your chin, lifting it until you looked into his eyes again.

"Sorry", you mumbled but he shook his head, his dimples indenting his cheeks when he smiled now.

"I didn't even get to feel it and you were already running off... Oh"

The sound was so badly acted, fake surprise displaying on his face paired with that cheeky grin. You followed his gaze to where he was looking at something above you.

"You're literally holding that up"

"No, I'm not", he grinned. His hand was above you, holding a clearly ripped up piece from the mistletoe in the door frame above your head.

"Sucks but what can you do", he sighed dramatically, his dimples getting deeper and deeper.

He waited until you couldn't help but smile back, then he bent down to your height, giving you enough time to pull away, but you didn't.

When his lips touched yours again and his hand carefully cupped your cheek, you felt like falling to the floor.

His lips felt raw but soft at the same time, warm and comforting. His body, the hand on your face, the other carefully tapping your own hand and intertwining your fingers - you'd never felt anything as wonderful as this.

There was nothing rushed about this kiss, time stopped for you to savour this moment.

Neither of you tried to change that or even wanted to and when you finally pulled apart, you could see the same heat you felt in your own face covering his. Ashton's cheeks were reddened, even the tip of his nose slightly blushing.

"And you couldn't have done that without ruining my expensive decorations?"

Ashton picked up the piece of mistletoe that had at some point fallen to the floor and while he threw it back at Michael, laughing when his friend kept complaining, you could see Crystal making excited gestures behind her husband.

When his fingertips danced down your wrist and linked your fingers with his, you were thankful that she had convinced you to go for it and kiss him.

xxx

xmas flufffff 💗❤️❤️💞❤️

[talkfastromance4]

Hold me, never let me go—a.i

a/n: pure fluff and pure self indulgence because I’m beyond touch starved. I’m touch famished. enjoy!

****

Ashton’s phone vibrated on his desktop. He turns it towards him to see the notification that you opened the garage door and he smiled at the thought of you being home and glanced at the time. It’s still later than he would like but he’s glad you’re safe. 

He continues stripping beats and pulling chords together for a new song he’s been humming for days waiting for you to join him. He can hear your movement upstairs as you set your things down on the kitchen table then you walk down the hall towards the bedroom. He hears the roll of the closet door open, you’re putting on comfy clothes. 

He pauses what he’s doing so he can light one of his candles, Beautiful Night, because it’s your favorite. He lights some more candles around the room then settles onto his chair once more until he hears your movement up above again. 

The door opens atop the stairs, his ears perk at each sound your feet make on the stairs. He’s become so attuned to your movements.

“Ash?”

“Hey babe,” he responds with a little timbre in his voice. You move next to him, fingers brushing his forearm delicately until he’s looking up at you. 

“Are you busy?” you ask. Not only can he hear, but he can see how worn down you are. For some reason work has been crazy busy for you and you’ve come home rundown for the last week.

“Not really, just playing around with this song idea,” he shakes his head.

“Oh…”you nibble your lower lip, fingers still grazing his arm. “Can I sit with you?” 

“‘Course you can,” he grins then shifts the chair causing your legs to bump his. 

He spreads the armrests wider and you crawl onto his lap, legs curled up on either side of his hips. He places his arms around you hugging you tightly to him and you nuzzle into his neck, giving soft kisses to his skin. 

“Tough day?” he asks quietly. He uses his toes to maneuver the chair closer to his desk but he doesn’t resume his work. 

Instead, he slips one hand under your sweatshirt so he can trace the curve of your spine and he places the other on the back of your neck. He rubs the base of your head feeling your body slowly relax at his touch.

“Long day,” you sigh. 

“Wanna talk about it?”

“No,” the shake of your head causes your body to wiggle against his. “Just hold me.”

“I can do that,” he smiles in your hair. “Want to hear what I’ve been working on?”

Your answer is another wiggle which he takes as a yes. He removes the hand from your neck so he can use the mouse to press play. A bittersweet melancholy melody fills the speakers, a soft trill of a piano is next and then the steady beat of his drum playing. Ashton taps his fingers on the skin of your back to the rhythm of his drums and then his voice croons through.

“You sing on this one?” he feels your lips smile along his neck. 

“I wrote this one for you, I thought I should be the one to sing it,” he kisses the side of your head. 

You start to hum along with the song. He’s always been impressed with how quickly you can catch the tune of songs, especially theirs. At the second chorus you try to sing along, your lips moving against his neck sweetly. When the song starts to fade out with harmonized crooning of him and Luke you resume humming along.

“What’s the verdict?” he asks once it’s over. 

“I love it. What’s the title?” 

“Don’t have one yet…any ideas?” 

“Play it again.” 

He does, you hum and sing along again. He moves his lips to the lyrics while his hands continue to caress your back.

“Well?” he asks once it’s over.  

“Hold me, never let me go.”

“I’m not letting you go, babe,” he assures. “What–”

“No, that should be the title,” you lift your head up to look at him. “Because you always hold me and never let me go until I feel better. That’s what the song is about, isn’t it?”

Ashton stares at you for a while then caresses your cheek. He leans in to peck your lips. 

“Yeah, that’s exactly what it’s about.”

Taglist: @calumance  @in-superbloom @wiiildflowerrr @sunshineeeluke @littledrummeraussie @suchalonelysunflower @hoodhoran  @thew0rldneedsmcreycghurt @sunshineeashton @ashtonsunflower​ @mymindwide​ @itjustkindahappenedreally  @seanna313 @pandaxnienke @celestialams @in-a-world-of-fandoms @blairscott @writersdare

[nicksbestie]

hi there, i recently discovered your page and i really love your work.

i was hoping maybe i could request something ?

lately i have been struggling a lot with my mental health and it’s been really difficult for my day to day life.

i was thinking anashton comfort ? something just like he knows how hard it can be and he says some encouraging words. bc that’s all i need rn.

as someone who also writes, sometimes i just need to read instead of writing it all.

if this is too vague i understand ! you totally don’t have to write this.

much love !

Antidepressant

word count : 663

warnings : mentions of heavy depression, mental health, medication

it's sad but I hope it's good!

<3

Ashton absolutely radiated comfort and positivity, and it was one of your favorite things about him.

Each and every part of him felt like a warm hug, especially when you were actually wrapped in his arms. You were always eternally grateful that you had such a person, especially that he understood how you were feeling sometimes. 

You didn’t like that he had been where you were, as the feelings of depression and anxiety, and other struggles with your mental health were painful, and you couldn’t imagine putting any of that onto him. But it was so appreciated by you that he could understand exactly what you were feeling, and knew exactly how to comfort you. He couldn’t fix it, but he was incredibly good at making it feel a little bit better. He was like an antidepressant in human form.

You were so grateful for him on days like these. And unfortunately, it was one of those days. Sometimes, like now, it was one of those weeks, those months, those slumps that feel like they’re going to last forever and there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. But Ashton was a light, like a soft ray of sunshine, the kind that seeps through your swaying curtains to gently wake you up in the morning. 

You had woken up, having an awful day the day before, and you could just feel that things weren’t changing today. You felt awful, and all you did was roll over in bed, curling up to Ashton’s chest, and attempting to fall back asleep. He began to stir, smiling as he pressed a gentle kiss to your head, an arm stretching out around your waist and pulling you impossibly closer. It was like he could feel the sadness seeping out of you, the overwhelming exhaustion, because he hugged you so tight, his chin resting on your head before he spoke. 

“Not any better today?”

The exhaustion was so great that you couldn’t even formulate a verbal response. You just shook your head, not really moving much more than you absolutely have to. He let out a soft hum of affirmation, slowly pulling the blankets off and slipping out of bed. You frowned at his disappearance, but still didn’t feel like getting up, so you laid in silence, a slight smile crossing your face when he promised to be right back. And he kept that promise, coming back with a slightly clenched fist and a water bottle, sitting down next to you and gently coaxing you to sit up. 

“Here, my love. I know you don’t take your medication as often as you should, take it today. It might do you some good.” 

You didn’t want to, at all. But because he was gently encouraging you, you did. The small white pill went down easily, but you still felt that Ashton was a bigger antidepressant than the medicine you had just swallowed. He laid back down next to you, moving to the other side of the bed before wrapping his arms around you. 

“It’s okay to feel like this, you know. I know it’s hard, and I know it absolutely sucks. But it’s okay. You don’t have to feel like you’re a burden, or anything like that. I understand, and I’m always going to be here for you. I’m so proud of you, and that’s never going to change. You’re allowed to have bad days, life is so difficult and it’s a lot to handle. We can just have a rest day today. I love you.” 

You felt too choked up to muster a reply, too overwhelmed with feelings of love and the warm bubbly feeling of being cared about and understood, just squeezing his hand three times to signify that you loved him as well. And if you spent the rest of the day in bed, curled up with him, eating and drinking when he softly helped, then nobody except the two of you had to know.

[lipringlrh]

wait in the car? - afi

summary: ashton’s driven you home but the song playing is too good for you to leave without finishing it.

pairing: ashton irwin x genderneutral!reader, friends to lovers

an: hiya if you read this, go give some love too to my ‘babe ruth’ titled post please:) reblogs are incredibly appreciated.

word count: 665

requested: yes

warnings: both reader and ashton get called pretty, kissing, fluff

feedback appreciated!!

…

You’d just been out for a meal with one of your closest friends - Ashton. He’d been incredibly sweet the whole night, as normal, and had offered to drive you home.

Your head was rested against the window sneaking quick glances at Ashton when you noticed you were pulling up close to your house. Ashton’s phone was playing music quietly throughout the car, leaving both you and him in a comfortable silence.

Ashton looked at you as the music paused to move onto the next song, “sitting tight? Y’still okay?” You are in love by taylor swift began playing as you nodded at him, smiling. He smiled back, moving to squeeze your knee, then subsequently leave his hand there.

“m’perfect.” you whispered as you pulled up in front of your house, “is this goodnight then?”

Ashton paused, looking back at his phone. “wait in the car a minute? The songs too good for you to not finish listening to it.” You nodded back at him. You were both looking at each other now, eyes trained on the other person, never once daring to leave.

“This song reminds me of you,” he blurted out. He seemed to realise he said that out loud by the shock and confusion written on your face. “Not that i’m in love with you - not that i’m saying that’s bad, i’m sure you’re a lovely person to fall in love with - just it mentions best friends and you’re mine?” he rambled.

You’re still sat there, just looking at him, listening to the words of the music. You’re heart ached hearing him say he wasn’t in love with you yet also fixed itself knowing it all sounded like utter bullshit.

Ashton was still looking at you when he spoke again, “you look really pretty, today.”

You felt your face heating slightly, again when you notice his eyes are trained on your lips. “You do too, Ash.”

His face flushes, his eyes meeting yours then staring at your lips again. He was overwhelmed by you, all he could do was focus on you, nothing else. “Fuck it,” he leaned in over the console and grabbed your top, pulling you closer, his other hand cupping your face, “can i please kiss you?”

Your heart was pounding inside of you, one beat away from flying out of your skin. Your breathe halted and you couldn’t move. When you took a hold of yourself again, the only thing you could do was nod, and almost instantaneously, his mouth was on yours.

His lips were gentle, sliding across yours. They were warm and soft, devouring you with such care and love, heating you up inside. You could feel the love build up from previous years as you moved your body onto his, sitting on his lap, merging you both into one.

It’s so hard to stop - you never want it to end. This is the moment you’ve dreamt of - you don’t want to know what happens heat. This is it. Nothing else matters to either of you anymore except the sweet taste of the other. You were the first to pull away, eventually, no matter how little you wanted to.

“ash,” you whispered, almost as if you didn’t want him to hear you, but he was too close to miss it.

He didn’t respond. His hands were still on you when he looked at you again, “we just kissed.”

You were about to start shaking - was this a good thing? He looked so drawn away and unfocused, did he actually want that? You were about to question him when he repeated it again, this time with a strong smile, “we just kissed.”

You were both smiling uncontrollably, you’re for heads pressed together. Ashton pressed his lips to yours again, leaving you both just smiling into the other.

You pulled away again, still both grinning like maniacs, the song you’d forgotten all about drifting to a close, “do you want to come in?”

requests are open + feedback is welcome.

[all-timelee]

Please Don’t Cry || A.I.

//Just a short piece, I haven’t had much motivation to write, but I’m pretty much just projecting with this one\\

Warnings: I don’t think there’s any??

Word count: 776

Masterlist

Your eyes stayed trained on the steering wheel in front of you, your car parked in front of your destination, but you stayed put. You were glad no one was around to witness the sad look in your eyes, to witness the tears that slowly began to make their way down your cheeks.

It’d been a rough day, a rough couple of weeks, but you kept going, doing your best to keep it together until right now. You were finally cracking, not having enough strength to hide it anymore as you let all the emotions go.

You were tired and sore, your whole body ached and you just felt drained. You couldn’t stop the waves of tears now pooling out of your eyes at an alarming rate, a loud sob forcing it’s way past your lips.

You tried wiping them away with shaky fingers, but you only succeeded in making more appear. It didn’t take long for the sobs to get louder, until they seemed like they would drown out everything around you.

You nearly jumped out of your skin as the your car door opened, Ashton’s face barely being recognizable through your blurry eyes. You quickly tried to clean yourself up, to hide the overflowing emotions, but his hands gently grabbed yours, pulling them away from your face where you tried to wipe away the moisture.

“Baby, what’s going on?” He asked quietly, trying not to startle you further. You couldn’t even reply, your words stuck in your throat. He continued, “Please don’t cry…”

Ashton looked so sad seeing you like this, and it made you feel guilty. You all but fell into his chest, gripping his t-shirt as tight as you could. Your shoulders shook as more sobs escaped your mouth, leaving you breathless.

Ashton held you there for a few seconds before pulling away, holding your chin between his two index fingers. His thumb wiped away at your tears as he stared into your eyes intensely.

“Let’s get you inside, yeah?” His voice was soft, almost a whisper, and you nodded, allowing him to wrap an arm around your waist and shut the door behind you, leading you into the house.

You walked into the living room, Ashton’s arm still wrapped tightly around you, and sat on the couch, Ashton immediately joining you. You leaned against his chest once again, tears still soaking his shirt, his hands rubbing small circles against your back.

He didn’t say anything, just listened to the sound of your sobs filling the air, letting you have your moment. As much as Ashton wished he could do more than just sit there, comfort you, this was the least he could do, be there for you if you needed it.

After a few minutes, your breathing had calmed down, though your cheeks were flushed pink and blotchy. You hadn’t realized how hard you were crying until you felt your face relax slightly as you let the tension leave your muscles, your eyes finally opening.

They met Ashton’s gaze and he offered you a small smile, thumb coming up to wipe under your eyes gently. “Do you want to talk about it?” You shook your head, closing your eyes and resting it against Ashton’s shoulder. You felt his arms tighten around you as he pulled you closer, lips coming down to place a kiss on the top of your head.

“Do you need water or something to drink? Can I do anything?” Ashton wished there was more he could do for you, something to ease the pain at least just a little, he’d do whatever you asked of him in this moment, anything to make you feel better.

“Just want you to hold me,” you mumbled after another while, and Ashton nodded. Even if he wasn’t sure exactly what was wrong, he knew you needed his help, wanted his attention. And he’d be damned if he wasn’t gonna give you the full version.

He moved and laid back, allowing you to lay on his chest, head tucked into his neck. He felt you snuggle deeper into his side, and you sighed contently, his hand moving from your back to the hair at the nape of your neck, massaging softly.

You closed your eyes again, and Ashton watched as your breathing began to slow as you slowly fell into slumber. “Love you, Ash.”

It was barely audible, a whisper, but Ashton heard it nonetheless, smiling fondly as his heart warmed. “I love you too. Sleep well, baby,” he whispered, kissing your forehead lightly. He was happy to stay where he was with you, safe and sound, for however long you needed him to.

[lovermine]

everything i’ve ever wanted, a.i

desc: co-parenting with ashton had become easy the past four years since your daughter had come into the world, but one night alone with the man could change your relationship entirely. fem!reader.

"dada! i can't leave without cuddles!" ashton's face lights up as he sees his daughter sprinting into the hallway, her backpack slung over her tiny shoulders, packed with everything she needs for her overnight stay with your parents. it's the first time she'll be spending the night away without one of you, but she seems completely unfazed.

"of course you can't, honey," ashton chuckles, pausing his conversation with your parents to lift his daughter into his arms. you can't help but smile at the sight of her holding his face in her small hands, planting kisses on his cheeks. the resemblance between your daughter and her father is striking—same light brown hair (though his is still dyed black) and hazel eyes. she has inherited most of his features, though ashton insists she has your nose. regardless, they are both beautiful.

almost five years ago, you fell pregnant—a result of what can only be described as a fling between you and the man who's now giggling with your four-year-old. you had met through mutual friends and engaged in a mostly sexual relationship with plenty of playful flirting. when you discovered you were pregnant, you feared you would be going through it alone, since the two of you weren't serious. but ashton stepped up the moment you told him, attending every doctor's appointment, holding your hand throughout the birth process, and even suggesting that you live together so he could be as close and helpful as possible. you could never have asked for more from him.

"be good for grandma and grandpa, and remember, she'll call us if you need anything. just tell her if something's wrong, okay?" ashton explains as he hands off your little girl to your father. your parents want her to stay the night so they can take her to a nearby zoo the next morning. it was hard to say yes, as your maternal instincts kicked in, but ashton convinced you that she would have fun and that the two of you would rush to her side if she needed anything.

"i’ll be fine! i'm a big girl now!" your daughter giggles. although you know she's still young and will need you for a long time, it becomes increasingly bittersweet to see her growing up and becoming more independent. as much as it's a good thing, it's also difficult to let go.

"we know you are, honey, but it's okay to still need us," you explain, brushing her hair out of her face and placing a kiss on her forehead.

"okay, bye mama! bye dada!" the toddler cheerfully waves as they walk out the door, bidding their final goodbyes for the night. as the door closes, a familiar pang of longing settles in your chest.

"why does she have to grow up so fast?"

"she's four, babe. we still have her for a long time," Ashton reassures you. the casual nickname tugs at your heartstrings, as it always does. although your relationship has been platonic since raising your daughter together, the playful flirting between you and ashton, albeit toned down for the sake of little ears, never ceased. it's comforting, knowing that this one thing has remained constant since your lives changed dramatically all those years ago.

"never long enough," you murmur, leaning your head back against his shoulder. you feel him let out a soft chuckle behind you, his thumb gently rubbing your shoulder in a comforting manner. "i can't believe she's already staying away from home for the night."

“i know," ashton sighs, the weight of the situation weighing on his mind as well. although he's accustomed to being away from his daughter for extended periods, he has always found solace in knowing that you're there with her. you are the best woman he's ever met, alongside his own mother. he watches your daughter grow and witness the incredible mother you've become. it's made him realize that he could never entertain the idea of having a child with someone else in the future.

"come on, let's do something to take our minds off it," ashton suggests, leading you towards the living room. you both plop down on the couch, and he reaches for the remote on the coffee table.

"what do parents even do when they're not taking care of a kid? i have no idea," you muse, allowing ashton to take control of the television.

"most parents? probably enjoy some much-needed alone time," ashton replies with a mischievous grin.

"we're not most parents, though," you counter playfully. "so, movies not made by disney it is?"

"i don't know, maybe i want to watch 'moana' for the sixth time this week," ashton teases.

"yn, sweetheart," ashton's voice interrupts your dozing off, and you recognise the feeling of his shoulder as you slowly begin to wake again.

"oh, sorry," you murmur, realizing you fell asleep, but making no effort to move away. it felt good to be this close to him again, to be enraptured in everything that is ashton irwin after all these years. the relationship the two of you had before the pregnancy was casual, but if life hadn’t thrown the cutest little curveball in the way, you’re sure that the two of you would have gotten further.

"you haven't fallen asleep on me since the little monster was a newborn," ashton says softly, his voice filled with affection.

"i’m so glad i agreed to move in with you. i have so much respect for parents who do it alone," you admit, grateful for the support you've had.

"yeah, well, i wanted you and our little girl as close as possible," ashton confesses. "and i guess a part of me also hoped that you'd fall for me someday if you were forced to spend time with me."

"seriously?" you ask, surprise evident in your voice.

"there's no way that surprises you," he snorts, his hand gently brushing the hair out of your face. he gazes at your features, as if committing them to memory yet again. "i asked you if you wanted to be something more when you fell pregnant."

"yeah, but i said no because i thought it was just because you felt like you had to, considering we were having a kid together," you explain, your thoughts racing.

"it definitely wasn't just that," ashton states firmly. "because even four years later, those feelings haven't gone away. pretty sure they would've by now."

"but you've dated other people since then," you point out.

"no one that mattered enough to keep around," he admits. "it's hard to let yourself fall in love with someone when you keep comparing them to the mother of your child."

"why did you never say anything?" you ask, your voice filled with curiosity and longing.

"because i have everything i need," ashton replies, his voice barely above a whisper. "i have a beautiful daughter, and i have the family i’ve always wanted, even if it's not the conventional kind. i didn't want to complicate things by introducing feelings. i'd rather keep my feelings at bay than have her caught in the middle of an awkward situation."

"why would it mess things up?" you question, a glimmer of hope building within you. "don't you think I feel the same way?"

"well, now i do," ashton murmurs. "has it seriously taken us four years to realize what we mean to each other?"

"i like to think we've known it in a way," you reply, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "i think this is the part where you kiss me, ash."

"i don't think I'll ever be able to thank you enough," ashton whispers before pressing his lips against yours. It's a sweet, tender kiss that speaks volumes, expressing emotions that words could never fully convey.

"for letting you kiss me?" you giggle softly, feeling a rush of warmth and love.

"for so much more than that," ashton murmurs against your lips, his voice filled with sincerity. his hand cradles your cheek, his thumb gently caressing your skin as he gazes into your eyes. “for giving me everything i’ve ever wanted. for being such an amazing mother, friend, co parent, everything.”ashton's eyes shine with affection, his love for you and your daughter radiating from within. “i know it’s hard sometimes, especially when i’m away for long periods of time, but i always come back to loving arms. that wouldn’t be there without you being as amazing as you are.”

a soft smile plays on your lips as you feel the weight of his words sink in. "you being you makes it all worth it ashton. you’re an amazing father, even when you’re away you make it known that you’re thinking about us, that you’re coming home. it would be easy for you to use it as a break from parenting, but you don’t, and it shows how much you love us.”

ashton's eyes shine with affection, his love for you and your daughter radiating from within. "i do, i really do.”

you lean in, capturing his lips in another tender kiss, savoring the feeling of his warm embrace. in that moment, all the unspoken words, the longing, and the hidden emotions find their voice. the connection between you grows deeper, intertwining your lives in a way that transcends platonic co-parenting.

as you break the kiss, ashton rests his forehead against yours, his breath mingling with yours.

he pulls you into a warm embrace, enveloping you in his comforting presence before a smug grin appears on his face. “so how about that alone time, huh?”

vai's thoughts: i think about dad!sos way too often to be considered normal, esp the dad!luke series i have planned and partly written in my drafts. so enjoy this little dip into domestic dad ashton aka the loml

© vailvr I all rights reserved. please do not repost any of my work as your own or share on other platforms thnx &lt;3

[irwinsblender]

inner demons

a/n: i’ve written this over the span of a few weeks bc my mental health has been down the drain recently and i needed an outlet. i wasn’t sure about uploading this, but here it is anyway

also used these pictures of ashton bc that’s how i imagine he’d look when listening to you rant about how you’re feeling

pairing: ashton x reader

summary: your mental health has been getting worse again and ashton is there to try and help you through it

warnings: depression, self harm, reference to suicide - and please, if you find any of these triggering, don’t read this fic

word count: 3k

✩ ✩ ✩

winter was one of the worst times of year for you. specifically, for your mental health. the dreary, rainy and cloudy weather, days becoming dark hours earlier than in the summer was always hard on you.

your mental health was bad already. you’d been suffering with depression for quite a long time now. it first started at school when you couldn’t deal with exams along with certain horrible people in your classes, that seemed to linger for a few years after you graduated.

just when you thought things were getting better, the pandemic hit, causing you to relapse and become worse than before. you didn’t know how to deal with all of the terrible thoughts that were constantly going around your head, including thoughts telling you to hurt yourself.

and you did, you turned to that to help you cope with feeling so exhausted. in the end, it didn’t really help. but you had nothing else to help you.

until you met ashton irwin. your now boyfriend.

you’d never met anyone as caring as him. he always listened to anything you had to say, he was there for you when you needed to rant; most of all, he didn’t leave after you told him about your struggles.

in fact, he empathised with you. telling you about his struggles and ways he tried to get through them. he promised then and there that he would always be there to support you and would never judge you for any of your thoughts or emotions.

you always appreciated ashton, but you found it hard to tell him when you were beginning to struggle more again. you felt pathetic not being able to cope on your own, you felt like a burden in his life every time you had to involve him in your problems.

this was one of those times.

it had been a long day, or at least it felt like it had been. it was raining all day, something you hated. you hadn’t been able to get out of bed, you hadn’t eaten, only had a drink of water which ashton brought to you before he left the house earlier in the day.

you’d been sitting in the bathroom for the past hour with the door locked. you’d told ashton you were going to have a shower, but, you never got that far. ashton would’ve noticed that the noise of the shower never started, but he’s always been respectful to leave you to whatever you need to do.

it was different this time though. it was too quiet. he was sat in the living room, planning on cooking you both a nice dinner. however, you’d been acting different today. you’d been quiet, not as cheerful as usual when he arrived home from being elsewhere.

you were sat on the closed toilet, leaning against the counter as tears fell down your face. deciding if you were going to do what your mind had been telling you to do. you didn’t want to hurt yourself again, but what choice did you have? nothing else helped. it was practically staring you in the face from where you’d placed the sharp object on the counter.

you looked down at your arms, marks from a couple of weeks ago that were starting to heal properly. marks you hadn’t told ashton about. ashton knew you struggled more at this time of year; he’d been busy recently with work, he hadn’t had time to notice things going even more downhill.

while you were contemplating your choices, ashton had been making his way upstairs. he decided that maybe you needed some company with showering. you told him previously that you find it comforting showering together, so that’s what he’d do.

he entered the bedroom, still hearing no movement. he tried to go into the bathroom, met with the door not budging. just the handle twisting. he couldn’t open the door. you’d locked it.

“sweetheart?” he called out, sudden worry washing over him. “you okay in there?”

you’d jumped at the sound of him trying to open the door, you don’t usually lock it, but it was necessary this time. you didn’t answer him, trying to muffle your cries.

“baby? please answer me,” you could hear the frustration and fear in his tone. “i’m here for you, i’m not going anywhere.”

“i’m fine, ash,” you sniffled. “just leave me alone.”

it came out harsher than you meant it to. your emotions playing a part. you never ask him to leave you alone. that only happened when you were in this kind of situation.

“i’m not leaving,” ashton replied. “talk to me, please, i’m here, whatever you need.”

you let out an accidental loud cry, placing your head in your hands as you couldn’t hold back your cries any longer. you were in so much pain it was hard to handle.

ashton’s heart broke hearing the way you were crying. why hadn’t he noticed you weren’t as happy as normal, why hadn’t he noticed your depression taking a toll again. he should’ve noticed.

“can you open the door, baby?” he asked, trying his luck before he’d have to figure something else out.

“no,” you said with a gasp, your crying almost uncontrollable as you moved to pick the object up from the counter.

your shaky hands weren’t helping, causing you to drop it, making a clanging noise as it hit the floor. you knew ashton would’ve heard it, he would’ve put two and two together. you couldn’t pick it up, crying even harder.

ashton was going through his nightstand already, trying to find the outside key for the bathroom door. he was panicking by now, frantically trying to find it, worried when he didn’t come upon it instantly. until, a light caught his eye on the dresser.

the light reflecting on the key, he quickly picked it up, going back to the bathroom door. he slid the key into the lock, twisting it two times until he heard it click.

he pushed it open, causing you to quickly try and turn away, rushing to pull the sleeves of your hoodie down before he could see anything. you wiped your eyes on your sleeves instead, only glancing over to him for a second.

ashton looked to you first, he couldn’t miss the way you pulled at your sleeves, he looked to the ground, seeing the razor there, but it was clean which gave him slight relief.

he moved it out of the way, walking to you slowly, crouching down beside you. he placed one hand on your knee, caressing his thumb back and fourth, the other on your waist.

“i’m here, baby, i’m here now,” he tried to reassure. “what do you need?”

you shook your head, you couldn’t even look at him. you felt pathetic, like a disgrace. you couldn’t look your own boyfriend in the eye because you were embarrassed about how badly you were handling things.

ashton saw the expression on your face, it was too familiar. the same a couple of years ago, when you were struggling, when you had been harming yourself. he knew what was going on now.

“it’s okay if you’re not doing okay, love,” he said, cupping your cheek in one of his hands, wiping away your tears.

“i’m fine,” you bluntly responded. “i’m always fine, everything is always just fine.”

your hurt started turning into slight anger. angry with yourself, angry with the way you kept going around in circles with your mental health. you got a little better, and then things always became worse. it’s the same thing over and over and over.

“baby—“

“just leave me alone,” you folded your arms, pushing his hands away from you. not thinking straight with the other thoughts clouding your mind.

“i don’t want you to be alone,” ashton softly replied, trying to keep calm in this situation. “you don’t have to go through this alone.”

“i’m handling it,” you tried to get a subtle look behind ashton, trying to find where the razor was. if you could just get him to leave—

“angel,” he got your attention. knowing that nickname would stop you from whatever else you’re thinking about. “you know it’s okay if you aren’t doing good, this isn’t something that will instantly go away, there are ups and downs and that’s okay. wherever you’re at now, i’m here to help you through it.”

you cried harder at that. everything was hurting. you were exhausted with life. you didn’t want to keep living like this.

“i’m sorry,” you cried, holding your hands over your face. “i’m so sorry.”

“hey, hey, it’s okay, why are you sorry?” ashton asked, standing himself up as he took your hands in his.

“i— i did it again,” you blubbered. taking a breath to try and control your crying. ashton didn’t know what you were talking about. “i know i said i’d talk to you if i felt that bad again, but i just— i couldn’t bring myself to tell you.”

then it clicked. he knew what you meant. locking yourself in the bathroom, the razor you’d dropped on the floor. you’d been self harming again.

“you don’t have to apologise for that, baby,” he sighed. “it’s not something easy to talk about, please don’t feel like you need to say sorry to me.”

you were quiet after he said that. trying not to keep crying the way you were while also trying to figure out what to say next. his hands were still in yours, not planning on letting go any time soon.

“i thought things were getting better,” you complained honestly. “i was happy travelling with you the last two months, and as soon as we got home everything started crashing down on me.”

“being on tour was a big distraction for you, a new city every night, seeing places you’ve never been before, you didn’t have time to think about anything else,” ashton reminded. “now we’re home, there’s days where we have nothing going on, it gives your mind time to overthink and for those bad thoughts to come back.”

you didn’t say anything after that, ashton could tell it wasn’t helping with you sitting in the bathroom, the razor behind him on the floor. he pulled at your hands softly, urging you to stand with him. thankfully you did, walking with him as he lead you through to the bedroom. he took you over to the bed, only letting go of your hands so he could sit back against the headboard.

“come here, love,” he held one arm out, waiting for you to get comfortable.

you sat down, shuffling over to him. your head resting against his shoulder, his arm around you to keep you close. he pressed a delicate kiss to your cheek, causing you to look up at him.

“i don’t know what to do,” you suddenly spoke. ashton allowing you to get your thoughts out. “this feels never ending, it feels like there’s no way out apart from—“

“baby,” he cut you off before you could finish your sentence. he knew what you were going to say, but he didn’t want to hear it come out of your mouth. “i know it’s hard, and i hate that you’re feeling like this again. you deserve so much happiness and i wish there was more i could do to take your pain away.”

“it hurts, ash,” you started to cry again, tears dropping down your cheeks continuously. “everything hurts so bad.”

he pulled you tighter against his chest, one hand on the back of your head, slowly running through your hair. he pressed soft kisses to your forehead every few moments, trying to let you know how much he loved you and that he was right there with you through this.

as your crying started to calm down, ashton took one of your hands in his, stretching out your arm slightly. you looked up at him, wondering what he was doing.

“can i see?” he asked.

you weren’t sure at first, but eventually nodded your head. he gently pulled up your sleeve, each mark, scar and any new cuts revealing themselves to him. you sighed seeing the upset look on his face.

“they’re horrible,” you sniffled. tugging your arm away from him. “i’m sorry.”

“they aren’t horrible, baby,” ashton held your hand. he ran his thumb over a couple of old scars, then he lifted your arm up, pressing kisses along the length of it. “they show strength. it shows you’ve been strong enough to fight to stay in this world.”

you didn’t know how he could see it like that. in your own head, it showed how weak you were, how bad you were at coping with life.

“you’re the strongest person i know,” ashton continued, pulling your sleeve back down as he kept your hand in his. “it takes strength to admit you aren’t doing good, so i’m proud of you for telling me.”

“i don’t know what to do, ash,” you slouched further into his grip, cheek pressed against his chest. “nothing’s getting better, i don’t know what to do to get better. this cycle is becoming too much to deal with.”

ashton could’ve cried hearing you say that. knowing the person he loved is feeling so defeated broke his heart. he would do anything it takes to make you feel better, to try and help you.

“i’m here for you, baby,” he stroked his hand softly through your hair. “anything you need me to do, just say the word, i promise i will always be here for you.”

“i don’t know what else will help,” you sniffled. “therapy didn’t work, the meds made me feel worse, there’s nothing else. i have nothing else.”

“you have me,” ashton cupped your cheek in his hand, lifting your head to look at him. “if you want me to listen, if you need advice, if you want me to distract you, or if you just want me to hold you while you cry, i'll be here. no matter what.”

he leaned down, kissing your forehead before pecking your lips a few times in a row. finally getting a small smile out of you. if he could see your smile every day, his life would be complete. that’s all he wanted. for you to be happy.

“i’m sorry for being like this again,” you sighed. not holding eye contact. “i don’t know how you put up with me.”

“i’m not putting up with this,” ashton shook his head. “i care about you, more than anything, i’ll do whatever it takes to make this a little easier for you to get through, because you can get through it.”

you shuffle down, your head resting on his stomach as you close your eyes. tired out from the chaos of your own mind.

“we could take a few trips,” ashton suggested. “you love travelling. i know you still have that list of places you want to visit.”

“i do, but…” you paused, opening your eyes as you squeezed ashton’s hand in yours. “what happens when we come home? i’ll just be like this again.”

“we’ll try and find other things for you to enjoy,” ashton was determined to stay positive in this situation. “you love to draw, you love to create art, and i’ve seen the way you watch me play the drums and guitar. i could teach you, give you something else to put your mind to.”

you thought for a moment, wiping your sleeves over your eyes one last time. you couldn’t believe ashton still wanted to bother with trying after how difficult and negative you always were in this situation.

“okay,” you mumbled. ashton was surprised to hear that you’ll do this. “i don’t know if it’ll help, but i’ll try.”

“that’s a start,” ashton smiled. “the best thing you can do is try. even if it takes time.”

you nodded. finally looking up at him. you shuffled yourself upwards, capturing his lips in a unexpected but loving kiss. placing your hand on his cheek softly as you pull away.

“how would you feel about getting a guitar?” he asked, hands on your waist pulling you to straddle him. “i know how much you love painting, we could buy some paint for it so you can make it your own.”

“i could paint little flowers on it,” you excitedly suggested. “and maybe some butterflies too, that would look pretty.”

ashton nodded in agreement, just happy that you were willing to do this to see if it’ll help having your mind preoccupied with something like learning how to play an instrument. he hoped this would help, hating seeing you hurting like this.

“well, the band has no plans on making new music just yet,” ashton tucked your hair behind your ears. “we could take a trip soon… italy maybe?”

“really? you want go to italy before going back to australia?” you asked, one of your bucket list places, knowing how much he wanted to head back to australia after tour ended.

“australia can wait, i want to make sure you’re okay first.”

you let out a long breath, leaning towards him to wrap your arms around his neck, his arms around your back as he hugged you as close to him as he could get you. he kissed your cheek, making sure you knew he would always be there for moments like this.

“i love you,” he said quietly. “remember i’ll always be here, for anything you need. you don’t have to go through this alone.”

“i don’t know what i’d do without you,” you held him tighter. “i love you, ash.”

a few more tears threatened to leave your eyes as you hugged. you truly didn’t think you’d be here anymore if ashton hadn’t come into your life when he did. and now he can be your anchor that grounds you and gives you a reason to try and live this life, no matter how tough it might be.

✩ ✩ ✩

taglist: @hexsdexs @conspiracy-ash @oliviah-25 @superbloomrry | if you would like to join my taglist, please comment here or see this post

[bartxnhood]

why won’t you love me? a.f.i & c.t.h

calum hood x fem!reader, ashton irwin x fem! reader.

summary: after finding out calum had left you, ashton came to your rescue but he had his own secret

warnings: oh god there’s so much angst, strong language, angst, and did i mention angst? oh and no happy ending.

a/n: hi guys !! it’s been a while song i had an original work but this is all for my 5sos ppl <3. i hope you enjoy !! feedback is appreciated !!

disclaimer: this in no way shape or form represents calum hood as a person. this is strictly fiction and written for entertainment purposes. thank you.

requests open

not proofread

Copyright © 2023 bartxnhood. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.

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you stared out the passenger window feeling like you had just lost everything in your body. the only thing you felt was numbness. no pain, no sadness, nothing. you had cried out all your tears, you were left numb

ashton looks over at you from the driver's seat, his heart aches knowing how hurt you are, and how he made you like this. it broke him. ashton was your best friend and he tried to do everything in his power to be there for you and protect you.

but he just couldn’t protect you from this. from him.

“stop blamin yourself.” you manage to get out, looking over your shoulder at him. he looks confused, you had been silent the whole car ride and he was sure how you know his thoughts without him verbally telling you.

“what?” he questioned.

“you’re blaming yourself for this” you stated, followed by a drawn-out sigh and looking back towards the window. “you always do it when something happens. you couldn’t have known he’d do this.” you hear him sigh, but it was a long drawn one. “i should’ve thought. i was there, i was on tour. i could’ve stopped him. i just..” you hear the frustration in his voice and it makes you feel so small.

“ash..” you trail off but he interjects, “no, y/n!” he punches the steering wheel, “i had all the opportunity to stop him if i had just known he..that he’d do that to you i wouldn’t have let him do it.” his voice breaks, a lump getting caught in his throat.

“stop it, ashton.” you sit up in the passenger seat, now facing him. “i..” you breathe, feeling that lump in your own throat now. “it isn’t your fault, you couldn’t have known.” you drop your head into your hands. tears want to fall but you had cried out everything in your body. “he’s… he's always been this way. i should’ve known better than to trust him being gone for most of the year.”

you watched as his knuckles turned white, gripping the steering wheel. ashton shook his head, “no..it just isn’t fair to you.” he was beyond mad, he was furious. he’s pissed that his best friend, or who he thought was, would do something like that to someone as precious as you were. “i know, ash. but there’s nothing we can do now. it’s done.”

calum loved you. at least, he thought he did. he bought you a ring, thinking it was the right call. he loves your laugh in the middle of the night when he made a stupid joke, he loves how much you admired his work and supported him.

he loved how you looked when you went out to a party. how you’d dress up for him. but deep down he wasn’t in love with you. deep down he knew his heart belonged to someone else.

his distance began to become noticeable after a couple of months. it seemed he had already checked himself out of the relationship a while ago. you were left self-conscious wondering why he didn’t love you anymore, or why he abandoned you, mentally.

you knew something was going on with him, but you never thought it would be something that would ruin your relationship or what the two of you had planned.

you weren’t expecting the call from your best friend, brandy, to call you one morning saying she was sorry you had to find out like this.

you looked at the link she sent you which had detailed photos of your fiancé and another woman, spotted many times.

in that moment, everything fell into place. his absence, how he suddenly didn’t treat you like his partner anymore. it was because he was seeing someone behind your back, actively.

“cal?” you speak up, walking outside to the patio where he sat smoking a cigarette.

“hm?” he hums, looking up from his phone eyebrows slightly raised.

“what’s this?” you question as you shove your phone into his face.

he takes a moment to examine the pictures and you see the look of realization and relief wash over his face. “well?” you interrogated.

“who told you?”

you blink, laughing dryly. “brandy just called me”

“oh.” he answers, then falling silent and goes back to his phone.

“‘oh’? is that really all you have to say?” you ask, turning your phone off and stuffing it into your pocket.

“what do you want me to say?” he asks, not bothering to look at you.

“that’s it i’m leaving.” you say, walking back inside from the patio

he’s silent, staring at his cigarette. “where are you going?”

“anywhere but here. i’ll call ashton.”

he scoffs, taking a long drag of the cigarette and blowing the smoke from his lips. “it’s always ashton” he says under his breath.

you soon around and stare blankly at him, “what?” unable to even come up with the right words.

calum looks at you with cold eyes, “it’s always ashton. you’re always by his side or he’s always by yours.” he dunks the cigarette in the ashtray putting it out. “pretty sure you were screwing him behind my back”

you dryly laugh, “i gave you my life calum hood, and you ruined it. i trusted you with everything in me because that’s what a good fiancée does. she trusts her partner to not cheat on her while he’s on tour!”

he laughs dryly running his hand over his head. “just tell me, cal” you’re mindlessly throwing stuff into your suitcase. “tell me why is it so hard for you to love me back? why won’t you love me? i’ve given you everything.”

“i never asked you to give me everything.” he’s looking away from you, sighing heavily. “it’s not that i don’t love you. i can’t love you”

you stare at him blankly, mascara staining your cheeks. you felt like your heart had been ripped out, looking at the man you thought you had loved. the man you wanted to give everything to. “what?” you blink, and he finally looks up at you. “i can’t love you, because i love her. she’s the one i want to be with. it’s always been her, y/n….” he pauses,“i tried loving you. but you just aren’t her.”

you cover your mouth, in shock. unable to comprehend his words which struck you like a knife. “i can’t believe you..” you muttered through your tears as your turned around and began your way upstairs to the bedroom.

you can feel him following you a few steps behind, his eyes linger on your figure as you mindlessly threw clothes into your duffle bag. just enough to do you for a couple nights until you can get the rest of your stuff. “they warned me about you..and i should’ve listened” you say, not bothering to look at him.

“who?” he asks coldly. you turn around, meeting his dark eyes staring into your soul. “everyone. luke…ashton…your sister…mike..everyone.” you say, closing the duffel bag. “just don’t even worry about it now. we’re done.”

you grab the bag and begin walking past him. but, you pause looking down at your hand where the ring lays. you turn around and throw it at him. “i never want to see you again.”

he watched as you proceeded down the stairs where you exited the house. finding ashton waiting in the driveway.

ashton watched as you sat on the sofa, brows furrowed while staring at your empty ring finger. “it’s late” he says, coming up behind you. you just shrug, “can’t sleep” you hear him sigh and he walks around the sofa to take a seat next to you. you see him peer around, brushing your hair from your face. “talk to me..” he whispers.

you finally look up at him showing the makeup staining your face. “i don’t know what to say..” you croak.

he nods, “i have the guest bedroom ready for you, the bathroom is set with towels and-“ he starts but you cut him off, the pain in your chest is too great. the excruciating pain you felt every time your heart pumped made you want to throw something, you felt like your whole world was crumbling.

“i can’t be alone” you shake your head looking at him, “i..i can’t. i’m gonna go crazy..” he nods, hushing your cries. “shh, it’s okay..shh..” he pulls you in and holds you close to him. “just breathe.”

he holds you for as long as you need, his heart aches at each broken sob you let out. he holds you as tight as he can he can’t stand to see you like this.

ashton loves you. it is so easy for him to love you that it frightens him. he’s never been good at anything. but hes never wanted anything so much as he wants to hold you every waking minute. he’s at home when you’re around, he feels himself falling more and more in love with you.

ashton knows it’s wrong, he knows he shouldn’t feel this way when you’re in so much pain. he knows it’s selfish to think of himself as a savior. but he knows he isn’t.

you’re suffering and all he can think about is how much he loves you.

“cmon, we need to get you ready for bed..” he says into your hair, quietly. you nod and let him help you off the chair into the master bathroom. he sits you on the toilet as he gets you some extra clothes and towels. you sit there emotionless and when ashton returns he looks down at you, reaching for a rag, baby wipe, or something to take your makeup off with.

he succeeds, finding some makeup removers and then bends down to your level. “can i?” he asks and you nod. he nods back, opens the package takes out a wipe, and begins cleaning off your day-old makeup. you say nothing and he says nothing. just carefully removing the makeup with his gentle touch. he thought that even though you are exhausted, in pain, and very miserable you still look so beautiful.

“i’ll run the water now, i’ll leave you to get cleaned up,” he says as he stands up throwing away the used makeup remover towelette. you nod, watching as he turns the water on and connects the shower head. “if you need anything, i’ll be right outside.” he smiles, closing the door behind him.

you didn’t know how long you were sitting there, you don’t even remember undressing and stepping into the shower.

you were probably in there for close to an hour, just standing there but ashton waited for you. he occupied himself with his phone but it didn’t do much considering he was so worried for you.

when he heard the door unlock and open, his eyes shot up from the phone screen and landed on you.

you had looked so defeated, your hair was still damp and dripping on some of the clothes he had given you.

“feel better?”

you shrug, walking over and plopping down next to him on the bed. “i don’t know..” you answer just above a whisper. he nods, sighing as he stands up from the bed. “well, i’ll let you be. i’ll be across the hall-“

you cut him off, “no” you look up at him. “please, just stay. like old times.” he looks hesitant but ashton walks back over to the bed and crawls back on the bed. “of course” he says softly.

“i’d never leave you”

you continued to stay with ashton for the next few months, even though you were searching for an apartment he still insisted on having you stay. one, because he loved your company and he had just gotten so used to you being around.

he watched you heal, he helped you heal and honestly, you just weren’t ready to be alone just yet. so, he let you stay for as long as you wanted.

life had slowly begun to improve, ashton kept you afloat and made sure you were safe. he didn’t let you go one day without making sure you were doing something to occupy your mind, so you don’t slip into your mind.

often times you were sat next to ashton in the studio as you occasionally help him write songs the guys had started. you didn’t have the talents like the other four, but ashton would ask your opinion and even using some of your ideas.

you sat bored on your phone, eventually dropping it to your lap as you stare at ashton’s back as he was humming melodies to himself. you stare at all of the papers sprawled out on the table and floor, your brows furrowed reading some scribbles that were supposed to be lyrics. your eyes land on a piece of paper with the lyrics, We're together, all alone tonight So helpless from the other side So why won't you love me?

you feel tightness in your chest, your eyes gloss over with tears. all the memories of you and calum flood back and you. you drop the paper and ashton hears your sniffles and he looks up.

he’s met with your swollen and puffy eyes, “y/n?” you look up at him, and break down. broken sobs filled the studio as he rushes to your side “what is it?” he asks wrapping his arms around you, letting you cry into his chest. “why won’t he love me?” you say, followed by a loud sob stuck in your throat. “why couldn’t he love me?”

you continue to ramble incoherent sobs and ashton tries his best to soothe you. but, he knows he can’t fix everything.

you deserve so much better, even if ashton isn’t what you need. he will always love you. as he’s rubbing your back, hearing your broken sobs he feels heartbroken and helpless.

“i love you..” he says quietly into your hair.

“i love you too, ash” you say, sniffling.

ashton falls silent for a moment before sighing. “no, y/n. listen to me” he pulls you away from his chest, his hands on either side of your face as his thumbs while away your tears. “i love you” he’s looking into your eyes now, and you don’t know how to take what he’s telling you.

“i’m not asking you to love me more than just your friend, but you need to know that i do love you. you’ve been the only constant in my life, y/n. you deserve the best, even if it isn’t me. i’m not asking you to do anything you don’t want to, but you need to know.”

ashton knew it was wrong of him to drop the ball on your so suddenly, after calling it off with calum just a few months ago. ashton was sure you probably would hate him after this but he needed to get it off his chest or else he might explode.

“ash..” you sigh, your eyes close and had only hoped that this was some kind of joke, because if he had told you before getting serious with calum, you feel even more crushed hearing the confession spill from your best friends lips.

“im sorry. i really am, and i know you don’t want another relationship but i will always wait for you..” ashton follows, still looking into your eyes.

you fall silent for a moment, admiring his hazel eyes while your heart continues to ache with each beat.

“y/n?” you don’t answer, you just sigh as you shake your head. “just.. just hold me ashton. please.”

ashton pulls you in, letting your head rest against his shoulder and his finger draws circles on your back. you close your eyes, your mind is racing and you just want to turn it off.

“im sorry, y/n..” ashton’s says quietly.

[let-the-bands-take-c0ntrol]

Adore You (Part 6)

AshtonXFemale Reader

Part 5

Warnings: Food, secret confessions, mentions of adoption, mentions of running away, fluff, slight slow burn

“Tell me something no one else knows about you,” Ashton said, his fingers idly tracing the palm of your hand. You both laid in a makeshift fort in his living room, boxes of Chinese takeout scattered around you and some tiny portable projector playing a film you both have long forgotten about. 

“Something no one knows?” you hummed, earning a nod from him. It was nearing the end of Spring break and the both of you have been talking non-stop since your first official date. It was you who asked Ashton out for the second time, feeling a sudden urge of courage. This time it was less strenuous and more comforting than anything. Your face scrunched up at his question as you thought about the answer. You almost felt brought back to the first day of classes where you had to play ice breakers in order to get to know classmates you were most likely never to see again. 

“It’s not a hard question,” Ashton laughed, breaking the long silence of your pause. 

“For me it is!” you exclaimed, retracting your hand from his and sitting up. Ashton sat up straight too and bit onto his bottom lip. “Besides, talking about myself is boring.”

“You’re not boring, Y/N.” Ashton responded. “I can go first if you want,” his head dipped low to look you in the eye and Ashton gave you a smile. You couldn’t help but to smile back and nod. He had a way of comforting you and you laid back down into the pillows looking up at the patterns of the blanket that covered you two. He shuffled onto his side and peered down at you as he thought for a moment. 

“Now look who’s-”

“I got it!” he interjected, grinning at you in amusement. Your eyebrows rose at his reaction and you held in a giggle. “When I was seven I used to be VERY obsessed with tadpoles and woul- for a good while actually- I would carry some with me everyday to school without anyone knowing.”

“How’d you manage that?” you asked, shifting positions to lay on your side to look at him directly. 

“I’d carry it in my thermos and people would just assume it was juice,” he said matter-of-factly. You laughed hard then, shaking your head at his admission. “Alright. . .your turn.” You thought for a moment, eyebrows scrunching. Ashton reached out with his thumb to rub away the wrinkled creases from your expression. “So serious,” he muttered, making you smile in return and let out a sigh.

“I once ran away when I was fifteen. Hitchhiked and got into some pickup truck with this old man. Made it to the city line and turned back. I had been gone for maybe three hours, no one was none the wiser.” A heavy silence penetrated the air, and you found yourself opening eyes you hadn’t realized you closed. Ashton was staring intently at you, worry written across his face. “I know, very dangerous for a young woman like me to hitchhike, especially alone,” you said. 

“Where were you heading?” he asked instead. You had expected him to reprimand you for being so careless at a young age. That was the last you got and could see curiosity fill Ashton’s worried expression.  

“To find my birth parents. I had just found out I was adopted and was spiraling over it. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents dearly. It’s just I always felt like a black sheep, like something was wrong with me and then they tell me this huge secret a week after I turn fifteen.” You went quiet for a moment, eyes dazed as if you were placed back in that moment. “I thought if I could find my birth parents it’ll help me answer questions on why I was so different.” 

You had never told anyone about it. You were content now at the fact that you were adopted, something you didn’t hide anymore. But that story of you attempting to run away, it had always been a well kept secret between you and your stuffed animals. “Aren’t you going to ask why I turned back?” you said. The two of you had somehow found yourselves laying on your backs. Ashton’s fingers playing with your own. He shook his head in response. 

“Not unless you want to say,” he muttered, allowing the silence to envelop you once again. You weren’t expecting to share that part of yourself, but that was truly the only thing people didn’t know about you. Ashton just seemed so easy to talk to and you trusted him with the information. A warmth filled your stomach at his words. He wasn’t going to push and would allow you to tell him when you wanted. You turned your head to the side to look at him, eyes wide in the dim light. Ashton turned  his head to face you too, your faces inches apart. “Thank you for sharing,” he whispered, almost trying not to disturb the peace. 

“Thank you for listening,” you whispered back. Your eyes flickered down to his lips then back up to meet his gaze. His lips parted, tongue ducking out to moisten the plump skin. Time seemed to slow and you could see him glance at your own mouth. Just as Ashton was leaning towards you, a knock sounded at the door. The both of you jumped in surprise at the disturbance. 

“Shit-the dessert,” Ashton said, “I forgot we ordered that.” He pulled away from you and got up from the fort to grab the delivery. You sat back in your spot, feeling slightly dazed. The two of you were so close to kissing. Something you hadn’t done yet. You cleared your throat and sat up as Ashton came back inside the fort with two bowls. 

“What did you do before uni?” you asked him, graciously taking the bowl with your requested dessert. You remembered him saying he had chosen to pursue a career in photography after a stint of not being in school. 

“I traveled with my best friends. We were basically living a nomad type life. It was fun for a while, but I could tell we all missed home.” Ashton chuckled at a thought that came to him, “I do miss exploring the world.” He dug into his own bowl after that, your attention now back on the film that seemed to be nearing an end. After a while Ashton muttered something about it being late. You were supposed to go back to your dorm about an hour ago, but being with Ashton was too much fun. “I’ll take the couch,” he said, not really asking if you wanted to go home or stay. It was a decided fact to Ashton that you would spend the night. 

“We can sleep in the fort together,” you found yourself blurting. You were feeling a bit bold. The words surprising yourself. Ashton’s eyebrows raised, a look of perplexity coming across his face. “It’s cozy and you shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable in your own home,” you added, trying to save some type of face. Ashton let a laugh slip past his lips and he gave you a dimpled smile. 

“I should warn you, I am a cuddler.”