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els-writes · 6 years ago

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The Last Taint - Chapter 1

(Warning: a nearly 5000 word introduction to The Last Taint that I really ought to post more about because it’s literally complete...

I’m looking to build a tag list for this! So if you want to be tagged in the future, please let me know! )

‘Flower of deception’. That was what Kriesian flowers were called in other countries: a flower that grew more beautiful as it died. One lay on the ground. The grey petals crumpled and dry, purple and yellow veins creeping across them as it decomposed. The dark centre was still perfectly round, and the stalk still a soft green, even as pieces of it had already been shattered onto the pavement.

Seth didn’t notice it. He didn’t notice the lone drying flower that had fallen to rest against his thin sandals. Didn’t notice the space it had left in the garland hanging between the buildings either side of him. He barely even noticed the sting in his thigh from the tight grip of the little boy hiding behind him. Neither of them knew whether to run or simply remain frozen and wait for their fates to be decided by the three figures fighting before their eyes.

The girl still held a mostly eaten apple core in one hand. A single line of juice rolled down her thumb as she threw her body forwards towards the two men she faced. Her free fist collided with the first man’s stomach, and she hopped to the side, wriggling her shoulders in some sort of horribly inappropriate celebratory dance as he double over in pain. Her colourless eyes held a bright glee watching the man coughing, winded. The second man lunged for her. The smile fell from her eyes, and she ducked out of his reach, taking a swift bite of the apple as she moved. Her leg rose, heel kicking out. It slammed into the second man’s hip and he gave a cry of pain, staggering. Fury burned in the man’s eyes, and his head snapped around. His gaze pierced through Seth.

The Eighth Guard would know him now.

Seth was so stupid. All these years spent working and hiding, clinging to his freedom, and he’d gone and thrown it all away to stand up for some boy he didn’t even know. He should have walked away. He should have forgotten it. Curse his morals; they were going to get him killed one day.

And maybe today was that day.

“Hey!”

The sharp voice pulled Seth out of his bitter thoughts. For a brief moment, his eyes locked with the strange girl’s before she was distracted by the men reaching for her again. Seth didn’t understand. Where had she even come from? What sort of lunatic jumped to the aid of two strangers being hauled away by the Eighth Guard?

“Why am I– ojkza!” She stumbled backwards to avoid another grab, smashing into a stone shop wall. She hissed. “Get your ass–” Both men came at her. Her elbow met the first’s jaw. She threw her weight against him to avoid the other man, spinning to meet Seth’s eyes once more. Her tacky violet hair fell over her face. “Go!”

The boy’s fingers dug deeper into his thigh.

And Seth moved.

He grabbed the boy as he turned. He shouted in pain as Seth half carried, half dragged him down the street as fast as his legs could move. Faster. He had to go faster.

The back streets of Xalder were quiet. With the light growing faint, everyone would already be in the palace square, watching the Year’s End ceremony… The ceremony that Seth was definitely late for. He gritted his teeth; he couldn’t even worry about the silent treatment he’d get from Asher,

The Guard had seen his face, seen his uniform, so now there was no more hiding. Only running. The boy had a chance. He was young. He was poor. He was nothing. A nothing could be overlooked. But Seth? The age that he was? The position he held? They’d not let a slip-up like Seth Osklin remain as he was.

Only once his throat burned from gasping in air did Seth stop. He looked around, certain they were clear for now, even if dread still hung-over Seth.

People said the Eighth Guard didn’t go on hunts anymore. The Abbey of the Seven Orders was reformed, had been for nearly two hundred years now, only sending their Guard out to preach or to pick up reported ‘problems’ across the Descodian countries. Perhaps the hunts weren’t what the had been centuries ago: they didn’t break down doors, strip babes bare searching for the spot of unnatural pigmentation of their skin, but hunt they did.

He looked down at the young boy, standing shaking and breathless before Seth. He was stiff, uneasy, but his hand still gripped the belt of Seth’s trousers, still was reassured by the presence of someone like Seth. It was his shorts that had done it – allowed to get too short on a growing lad, until the tiniest hint of a discoloured curl on his knee peeked out beneath the hemline. Most would overlook it, but the Eighth Guard’s eyes searched everywhere for Taints.

Seth rubbed at the spot behind his ear.

The boy looked at him like Seth was his last hope. He was wrong; there was no more hope for people like them.

“Go. Hide.”

It was all Seth could say. The child could only have been seven? Eight maybe? But Tainted children always seemed older – taught young how fragile their freedom was. Born into a world they had to fear. The boy paled, as if reality started to crumble around him, and then turned, running down a back street and disappearing.

The sky was turning pale, and Seth whispered a curse as he turned, hurrying back towards the city centre – even if every inch of him screamed to run as far as possible. He wasn’t a kid anymore: he couldn’t just run and hide. He could have sworn the sands of Friday were starting to fall around him, the timer on his freedom finally nearing its end, but he had a job to do today. The closer he got to the palace square, the more alive Xalder finally became. Garlands of flowers still hung across the streets between buildings – already dying after a mere day out in the desert sun. As Seth’s eyes drifted over them, his fingers brushed the pin on his collar: the image of an aster flower was stamped in gold, a symbol of his position as the Prince’s Hyron. And a symbol that had made him far too recognisable today.

He flattened down the dark olive shirt of his uniform, glad that the sand-marks on his pale trousers wouldn’t raise too much suspicion. Smiles and greetings from those he passed, far too polite for someone of his rank, only served to make him feel more exposed, but as he rounded one last corner into the packed square, he hoped he could just blend into the swarming crowd.

Along the sides of the square stood countless tables and stalls, the rich scent of food filling the air – all covered over for now, protected from the sand in the breeze and the heat of the day by cloths and sheets. Food was for later, after the sunset, when Xalder’s population would remain out in the square all night, waiting for the sun to rise on a new year. The square was surrounded by some of the tallest and most expensive buildings in the city: from windows of inns, shops, and houses, people leaned out to get a good view – waving flags and dropping flowers down onto the crowd below, shouting blessings back and forth. At the front of the square stood the towering stone palace walls, the grand orange stone of the palace a bright and extravagant contrast to the greys and whites of the city. Years End was a rare time in Xalder when faces were no longer all familiar. The country held little else for tourists or visitors to see, and thus this was the only time of year Seth walked through the crowd and didn’t seem like the most foreign face.

The crowd’s attention was focused on the platform in front of the palace walls and the people who stood atop it. Seth looked around, watching as people gestured in pray, muttered or chanted to themselves. There was no point in trying to get any closer. He’d missed the ceremony in its entirety. Heart sinking, Seth dared to shift his gaze to the youngest person on the platform.

Prince Asher may not have been Tainted, but he had an uncanny ability to always spot Seth, no matter how big the crowd. He stood rigid beside his parents – unflinching as the wax of his candle started to drip onto his hands – in the reds of the country’s patron: Saturday. His smile was one all the people knew well, but Seth knew it better, and the one Asher wore today was painfully forced. Tense, stiff, uncertain. Seth mouthed an apology that Asher must have caught, for his mask faltered slightly. The rich golden eyes of the royal bloodline were apparent even from Seth’s distance, as was the disappointment in them. It stung.

Queen Rosalie lifted her hands to silence the crowd, her expression soft and kind as always. “And so, we say goodbye to this year. In my position as head of the Xalderian dynasty, I offer you, our people, the richest food and drink to welcome the New Year. Be happy and together, and my family and I will take on the weight of your prayers tonight, so you may enjoy it to the full. Goodnight.”

The crowd erupted into cheers, and there followed more shouts of blessings and good will upon the royal family as they began to leave – Asher’s eyes lingered on Seth until the last minute, until his father ushered him away, and he shot one more smile to the people. He played the part well for them.

Scratching the spot behind his ear once more, Seth starting to move to the edge of the crowd once again.

“Hey, Tainted Boy.”

His body froze. The words a sharp jab. Eyes wide with fear, he turned, only to find a cold grey gaze staring back at him, the thin face framed by the awful violet hair.

“Wow, okay,” the girl scoffed. “First rule of hiding from the Eighth Guard? Don’t answer to that.”

Seth immediately scanned the people around them, checking for any sort of reaction or a glimpse of pale brown uniforms moving towards him. There were only celebrations to find. It seemed to be of no concern to the girl though, who was more focused on untangling a few strands of her hair.

“I’m not Tainted,” Seth hissed.

“Sure you’re not…” the girl nodded. She prodded Seth in the chest. “How many people do you think stand up against the Abbey and their pet guardsmen? The only people stupid enough to help stupid Tainted kids are stupid Tainted kids.”

Seth flinched. “Is that why you jumped in to help us?”

“Obviously. Well, that and there’s something really satisfying about punching someone who is convinced no one is gutsy enough to punch them.” She sighed wistfully, at ease, as if she hadn’t just admitted to being one of the most hunted humans in the world. It turned Seth’s stomach.

“Thank you for helping the boy, but I have somewhere to be.”

He turned, but each step he took was only followed by the girl, so he stopped again, frowning at her.

“You’re going to the palace, right?” she asked, smile bright. “The outfit gives it away.”

Seth stilled again. He looked over the girl, his stomach twisting at the thought of someone like her knowing even the slightest bit about him. Her clothes said plenty about her as it was: her the hooded cloak around her neck was tattered and filthy, and the shirt and trousers beneath bore strange markings and tears, almost like singes. Clothing and tanned skin alike was covered in dark smudges that Seth couldn’t even begin to guess at. Her complexion wasn’t dark enough to be from Xalder, and the walking boots she wore would never be worn in the flat, sandy streets, and the dead grey colour of her eyes was like nothing Seth had seen in any of the seven Descodian countries.

Her lips quirked upwards, and she stepped closer, slipping her arm through Seth’s. He flinched. “Let go.”

He tried to pull back, but her hold was a lot stronger than her bony limbs implied.

“I will. But I’m gonna walk you home first.”

There was a darkness shadowing her tone that made Seth’s feet move in tandem with hers as she began walking directly through the busy crowd, as opposed to finding a way around it. Her hold was tight. Grip firm. And Seth couldn’t ignore how strangely warm she was. No, not warm. Hot. Maybe she was overheating in her layers, unsuited to the desert sun, because her arm felt like it was radiating heat.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m only hear to clear my conscience so later, when I hear some stupid palace servant has been dragged off to a much-awaited life of pain and torture at the Abbey, I don’t feel guilty.”

Her voice was quieter now. She wore an easy expression, smiling as she spoke, appearing to anyone else that she was having a pleasant stroll with a friend perhaps. But her words chilled Seth to the bone. He fixed her with a dull stare.

“I didn’t do anything wrong.”

She raised an eyebrow at his words. It was true though. No matter how much Seth regretted it, he truly didn’t believe he’d done anything wrong in saving that boy. He wasn’t about to let this stranger, who’d done the same thing, tell him otherwise.

“I said you were stupid. I didn’t say you did anything wrong,” the girl said slowly. “The world would be a far better place if more people did what you did. And if more people did, more… ‘acceptable’ people, perhaps I wouldn’t need to be here, confirming that you do in fact know just what you did in putting yourself on their radar.”

Seth looked away, up to the towering palace walls as they grew closer. They were tall and thick, built from stone that had stood the tests of time for centuries. No one in history had ever managed to breach the walls of Xalder’s royal palace. It was no wonder Seth felt so safe behind those walls. No wonder that he’d forgotten he wore a uniform, not armour, and a respected pin, not a crown. A brief moment of madness, of a pathetic crushing moral compass, and he had found himself in the one place he’d promised everyone he’d never end up. On the top of the Eighth Guard’s wanted list.

No one managed to stay hidden for their entire nineteen years of life. The Abbey and their Guard didn’t let that happen. Someone left unnoticed for that long was what they feared the most.

Seth swore he could feel the fear wrapping itself around his throat, and as they reached the gates of the palace, the girl let go of him at last.

“They won’t get me here,” he said, sure of that much. Royalty and leading families were exempt from the Abbey’s reach, so long as they could prove the Taint was harmless and they kept it hidden from the world. Maybe Seth wasn’t royalty himself, but behind those walls, nothing could happen to him. Asher wouldn’t let it. It was the only reason his grandmother had signed away his custody before she died.

“It’ll be harder for them, but not impossible. I knew who you were thanks to that,” She motioned to the aster flower pin on his shirt. “but the Eighth Guard are trained to learn about their targets from just a glance. They’ll know who you are. They’ll know what protections you have. And they’ll already be working to break through them.”

At the gates, Captain Joran peered over at them curiously. This was wasting even more time.

“None of this sounds like a warning,” Seth muttered. “It’s just reiterating what I already know.”

The girl scoffed, shaking her head. “Yet you’re still walking that way, instead of running straight to Willsend?”

Willsend. The God’s Overflow. The place so abandoned by the Siblings, that the Abbey didn’t dare touch. It was the only place Tainted were completely safe from them. How many times had he heard the suggestion?

“We should move to Willsend, love. It’s safer for him.”

“Send him away. He’ll be out of their reach, and out of our hair.”

“Willsend could protect you, Seth. I’d go with you, if you asked. If it would let you sleep at night.”

The two of them held one another’s gazes. The girl seemed to be searching for something, and eventually, she smiled. “You’ll not listen, huh?”

Seth shook his head.

“Fair enough. I’ve done my part. Conscience officially cleared.” Turning on her heel, she wandered back towards the busy crowd, pausing and glancing back with a grin. “At least it’ll take them a while to find your mark. But only if stop scratching it.”

As she tapped behind her right ear, Seth’s blood ran cold. Slowly, he lowered his hand, not having even realised it had been there, scratching away again as if he could remove the sign of the Taint from his skin.

Unable to watch as she laughed, Seth turned quickly, hurrying towards the gate. Most people were leaving the palace, workers and guards who had the evening off, as per tradition. They called out in greeting to Seth, offering him thanks and pats on the back as they passed, though he knew he didn’t deserve it that much. Only the highest ranking men and women remained working during the Year’s End. Captain Joran stood with a knowing smile on his face, which only served to unnerve Seth further.

“His lordship looks hotter than Saturday’s flame, Seth. Better have a good excuse for missing the blessing. And I don’t think seeing a girl counts.” He laughed, smacking Seth on the back as he walked past. Seth could only force a smile.

The gates started to close behind him as the last few stragglers left the palace grounds, and Seth slipped in before they shut, moving swiftly through the fore-garden – the luscious and rich plantation the best possible show of prosperity in Xalder. The grand doors were still ajar, held open by the Headwoman, who tutted impatiently as Seth stepped inside. She locked the doors shut behind him: they’d been waiting.

The main hall of Xalder’s palace was sparse but the space engulfing. Polished deep oak floors shimmered in the candlelight from the three silver chandeliers, but the pale orange stone of the walls were left bare and undecorated aside from an odd wooden frame for rich green climbing plants. In the centre of the main hall, the floors bore a great circular pattern burnt into the wood. An emblem of the sun. Lynt and Verona, heads of staff, and hyrons to the Grand Duke and Queen respectively, were working together to lift the great trap door in the very centre of the emblem, grunting at the weight.

The royals themselves all turned to Seth as he approached. The expressions worn by the Queen and the Duke might have been amused, or maybe expectant, but Seth cared more for what the final royal present was feeling.

The way Asher averted his gaze was enough to tell Seth that the silent treatment had started.

“I’m surprised you got through the square so quickly, Seth,” Duke Jerome started. “You were right at the back when I spotted you.”

“People moved aside pretty quickly for me, Sire,” Seth explained, ignoring the eyerolls and tuts that cascaded around the room at the title. Seth had long stopped reacting to it, and they’d all long stopped trying to remind Seth he didn’t need to use formalities when it was just the six of them. Hyrons and those they served had a bond, they always said, and that bond apparently didn’t have room for bureaucracies.

Verona pulled her hair loose from its clip, only to carefully redo it again. “Seth’s about to pray on their behalf. I’m sure they would have carried him to sunset prayers if necessary.”

“Tone, Verona,” the Queen smiled. “They deserve their break.”

There was a mutter from Verona Seth didn’t quite hear, but it earned her a prod in the ribs from the Queen. Now the six had assembled, and the Headwoman took up position on a small stool she placed by the trap door – for she would be the only one on watch inside tonight – Duke Jerome offered the Queen his arm and they started the descend underground. Lynt and Verona followed, leaving Seth alone with Asher.

Looking over at him, Seth found himself victim to that stare again: a look somewhere between anger and hurt, but worse than either. He didn’t expect Asher to speak yet, not when the Headwoman or the others heading down might overhear, so he wasn’t surprised when Asher turned sharply and began to head down, leaving Seth to trail after him.

The stairs were large and winding, uneven in size, but at least smooth and easy on their thin sandals after hundreds of years of use. The odd candle sat in crevices in the walls, offering the bare minimum of light needed to make the descent into the maze of tunnels and caverns that lay under the oasis city of Xalder. It was deep, in the very lowest of these caverns, that the cities only water reserves lay. Those sacred pools had been the life source of Xalder’s desert people since Saturday had brought the country of fire to creation. The depths of the water was sealed off to all but the most noble and trusted few, but the caves systems that ran in the ground above them were the prayer caverns of Xalder: transformed into places of worship by the first settlers of the country. The first few doors they passed on their way down were bolted shut: passages that led into the shallower gathering caves that the general public used across all of the city. The second layer down was another door, this one open, for the small cavern the palace workers and guards were permitted to use. At the third layer, when the walls at last began to feel a little cooler, a touch damper, hinting at the water below, was a small hollow that held a handful of doors. Doors that Seth and his party came to a stop at.

Traditionally, only members of the royal bloodline were permitted to pray in here, but a few generations ago, the royals invited their hyrons to join them. Lynt said it was an attempt to show just how much trust and understanding there was between the royals and their ‘other halves’: the servants who acted as everything from a shoe-shiner to a best friend.

Hyrons or not, traditions still stood though, and here there was no communal prayer cavern, but smaller, contained hollows. The Queen and Duke moved towards the first door, Lynt and Verona to a second, and Asher to a third. Seth stayed put.

Lynt reminded everyone he would knock when their time was up, and they the four elders moved into their rooms. Asher and Seth stayed still, listening to the bolts sliding across each door, before their eyes met.

It was apparent Asher expected Seth to speak first.

“If you’re still mad, I can join Lynt and Verona,” Seth offered, though he knew it was an empty one – he just needed to get Asher talking.

It worked. Asher’s frown deepened from one of upset to irritation. He scoffed. “Cut it out.”

He turned, heading inside the prayer room, and Seth followed without further question. Asher shut and locked the door behind them.

The cavern was a small one, meant for private prayer, and the only light in the room was the single candle sitting in the niche at the far wall. Beneath if stood a stone altar, the seven markings – one for each Sibling – etched into the surface. On each marking sat a bowl of the corresponding element, and before the entire setup lay a hand-woven straw mat: thin ribbons of gold and red weaving through the pale yellow, as symbolic of the Xalderian royal bloodline.

Before Seth could move to the mat, Asher grabbed his shirt, stopping him.

“You missed the blessing.”

Asher’s voice betrayed him: the pain clear.

“I did,” Seth said. “I’m sorry.”

“You know I wanted you to bless me.” Asher took the golden circlet off his brow and tossed it over the door handle. The sound of metal scraping together as it swung made Seth cringe.

It was traditional for the King or Queen to bless their children until they took the throne, but Seth knew Asher had wanted to lead the change in that: to give more public duties to hyrons. In a way, he was touched by the notion that Asher trusted him that much, but he knew there were other reasons. Ones that weren’t quite as noble. Still, no matter what Seth thought of that, the fact remained he’d hurt Asher.

“I know,” Seth said finally, lowering his gaze. “I let you down. I’m sorry, Asher.”

With a heavy sigh, Asher’s expression softened a little. Being out of the moment and shut away from ever-watching eyes always eased Asher anyway. He huffed once more, shooting Seth one less accusatory glance. “Mum got the ash in my eyes.”

Seth fought back a laugh. “How?”

“She dumped a massive handful on me. Look, it’s probably still in my hair.” Asher stepped forward, bowing his head, and sure enough, amongst the golden hair was a good amount of pale grey ash. Laughing now, Seth tried to brush the worst of it away.

“Next Year’s End, I’ll be sure to be more careful.”

The words did enough by way of smoothing any remaining tension away, and Asher smiled, his focus shifting to the task it should have been on.

The two of them knelt on the mat. Seth waited as Asher took some of the dust from the bowl of Tuesday, sprinkling it over his head before pressing his hands together and falling silent in prayer. Whilst in public blessings like the Year’s End one, Asher had to use Saturday’s ash – since Saturday was the patron of both Xalder and its royal house – in the privacy of the caverns, Asher was able to reach for the Sibling whose name he was actually born under like everyone else.

As for Seth, he reached for the seventh bowl. He took a pinch of Sunday’s chalk and let it fall over his head before he too fell into prayer.

He ran through the usual songs in his head: the Call of the Siblings, Sunday’s Laws, Xalder’s Prayer, until he finally moved onto his private thoughts. In the place where he usually gave thanks for Asher’s friendship, the royals’ kindness, and wishes for his grandparents’ and father’s peaceful rest, Seth found himself begging. Begging that he wouldn’t have to fear the Eighth Guard. Begging that the burning behind his ear would stop.

As always, not for a second did he feel like anyone was listening.

When he at last opened his eyes, hands slumping into his lap. The last pleas drifted from his thoughts, unanswered and probably unheard, and Seth became aware that Asher was looking at him. When he watched him like that, Asher’s golden eyes felt even more unnatural: like they might spy Seth’s innermost thoughts if Seth wasn’t careful. He pushed himself to his feet.

“Sorry, Asher. You should have just said something if you were done. Has Lynt already knocked?”

“Yeah, but you looked like you were praying really hard.”

“Well�� we are supposed to be praying on behalf of the whole country. It makes sense to.”

Asher hummed noncommittally, eyes turning to stare at the altar. “You never did explain why you weren’t at the blessing. You looked pale when I saw you…” He looked back up at Seth. “You still do. Like you saw a ghost.”

Not so much a ghost as an omen, Seth decided. His fingers dipped lightly into Sunday’s chalk, rubbing the white specks between his fingers. Even this didn’t feel like it connected him to the Sibling whose name he carried.

Whose Taint he carried.

Word would get around. If the girl with violet hair was right, they’d reach the palace before long. It would upset Asher, any mention of the Abbey and Taints did, but he deserved to have the warning that the Guard would come breaking down the palace gates.

So, Seth was honest.

“The Eighth Guard are in the city. And they know I’m Tainted.”

The Last Taint is my baby you’ve no idea. This is the work I’m thinking of asking around for some betas for, so I’m leaving this here for people to get a taste! Spoiler alert: This world is everything to me, and as much as I love the lesser men series for their dragons, the kin verse holds a very very special place in my heart, and it’s so in detail, I can literally tell you events than happened in specific years.

Again, if you want to be tagged, please hit me up! And if you think you would be interested in beta-ing this, please let me know, and I’ll tag you in my beta search post! ^^

#wip #wip boost #writeblr #fantasy #writing #kin verse #the last taint #ellenwrites

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aurora-tsuki · 5 years ago

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{An Entry; The Man with the Monocle}

There is much I have not written.

I have cleared the upper observatory. Much of the furniture already here, just very old… and very dusty. I did get my stuffed animals back from Emeline... I also met the new recruits of the Aetherwatch. I also made a mistake, and I am finding myself even more nervous to talk around new people, lest I make another similar mistake.

We fought a giant sandworm that was terrorizing inhabitants of the Sagolii Desert. I had a check up with Emeline and I guess I was more hurt from that encounter than I realized. I ended up in the medbay for several days, my head aching, the only thing that actually hurts.

I hope to fight alongside Kayne again soon. I think he and Asher would get along. (Or not at all...)

I assisted with our opening of the medical clinic under the Aetherwatch banner. Several people came through, including two trauma cases -- one of which I assisted on a quick triage -- Jun being the one that actually treated her. She did not speak, but knew hand-talk. Klara also knows hand-talk. I am glad to have skills that I can use to help, that I learned from the tribes.

This is much I have not written, and that is only some things that have happened that I want to write down to recall on later. There is one more thing however that I want to put detail to...

Someone is after Rosette.

I believe it is the man with the monocle. In the letter he used against me, he had described what would happen to Emeline and Rosette in the most detail. Especially Rose… I still see the rope.

Even as we were called to Treespeak to pick up the supplies left to us, I kept looking all around -- everywhere I look I feel like the man with the monocle is there, and knows what I am doing, and is waiting in the shadows, waiting, waiting, watching… The crates were trapped. They let out a gas that poisoned the mind. Jun and Mafrea attacked -- Arik was able to shake it off, thank goodness but --

I have never seen Arik stop like that before. He is always going, always moving, always focused on the next thing, and… I do not know what magicks Mafrea cast, but whatever it was, it was not a good thing at all…

Whoever this man with the monocle is… I will kill him. I will find him and I will kill him. He is trying to ruin everything. And I will end him for that.

There is more, so much more I am thinking and feeling but this is all I have time for now. I will make him bleed.

---

#ffxiv rp #saphyra tsuki #mateus #ffxiv journal #rp journal #aetherwatch society

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olokosomolo · 3 years ago

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Raping rumors

There are rumors round the hood. HELL, Or HEAVEN. .Yes-man You should just SAY HELLHEAVEN 11

It tell the tale About This guy, one’s in downtown old city. Philly

Try next to the blue, martini , first floor, left door, no sign or jenny

just number 20 on it. Knock, I'm knocking, but there is no one that answered. I Swear.

Many in our industry and witnesses said: there is a recurring phenomenon, yeah even Enon known,

In between and mostly celebs, herbs intellectual, virtually inferiors who meet a strange entity that buy out their soul an role or a junkie troll

it’s the goal of all seamen.

Or call me Carmen all way

in grand finale. It's only to reach their goals, the souls, peeled and shield to be own by them

. you now can live with Inhuman limited power. Like Limbo between the ordinary and those who act as cowards

bout Our inferiority as human being loosing when the play recon a master an ordinary

where it becomes an art artist at illusory control abilities and manipulate late

this boy Bar-yossi is perhaps a two headed monster lick ma bitch pussy bar. Chaosick wimpy I ever forgetting forget.

Sesutu free from any bitch pussy, you see you will experience online shit virtual and changes the range n very.

in the size of you softey un willy like Jell-O that will. Ill I'm sick the unpeaky. Yeah niga it's not a joke it's here there everywhere, even nowhere aware

SO, there is a recurring phenomenon between celebrities so which city.

and inferential who me''. you 1:00 set a strange entity that gives the inhuman being illusory control soulbme

2ģ abilities 1 v . and manipulations and changes in the size of organs. Yes this is not a joke, my nigga got extra inches for chichi and all the bitches around second street rhombus are gathering,1 waiting for crown boy fuck head to deliver while the shiver quiver their thirsty beaver. Yall might laugh coz it confusing to believe a true shit. Ruthless sometimes can come 1deceiving when it bust your structure, Asher can tell you it's like a shit sit on tip of Glacier. Rumors Stories a ba

about a person's power in relation to the

quarterback and it's not a bird nor the

eagles, there is a knot not in flight maybe

it's like a monkey on the tree but in a mine filled like a baboom. Voom voom

will know soon, goons, he joined them I

heard, he joined the herd like in the Kalahari desert we all are Going

captive, walking after someone who has no

responsibility like a teenage gangster

without a dime on his ass, guess, he's doing poses of a million roses .

Lie on Leo, the zodiac saying it's changing

soon, moon. Is on its half and zodiac is

change tomorrow.. no no sorrow just go

borrow from your neighbor an under

bottom sack Hoodie, to cover your bootie. I

know, we all been there when1 we where Teen Teen khacachin now we been told: Yall to old

bold. Amma break this bitch scales she

took ma wig, the black ass pig, leag. Minor

league behaviors of ma bitch each of my

fingers itch Richie just let the bitch go,

boo let her do her wish, how did She enters with 6 and 9 meters cheater, with

all her trumpets out. Shout of coming

allegro between his leg grow like from his

coming allegro between his leg grow it start soon after his this tumors and knee-grow a monster. Oyster. No Lego to bit your ego like Bigolive there you hive faceless no guest waist management stop Intermediate funding I had two, or four. Before and now I do not-to have things are as bitch pussy phantom of few Opera mi la soul do re mi fa soul la see. that hinted behind a red panties slick ready to be lick. So Trump a pet a trophy like toffee candy dick comes and emerged as candick see we can Kay it thus sweet tea I you name it ken like the man of a sweet barbie rabies sick bitch when she cross to the dark side of the hood to hook the Kendrick tight fit only so she kendic ktogether a grand finale like an ally in bally looking happily but no gladly at the crib to be with the bee alli Muhammad alli . Sally from only when Harry met her and then her mate arrived so Sally become solely shally no shallow in the gallows when he cried begg the hang man : a little little while let me have my beauty sleep my dear and then I let you to let me free. Let me be a Todd keep pod or an iPad just not an android 🙄 wish I was dad* now..

#my first time r

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ava-bartcn · 7 years ago

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more and more, guilt crawled constantly at the back of the soldier's mind. everything as far as the registration was quiet, yet Ava felt like she was always on the watch. if not watching for anyone following her and keeping tabs, she kept a near constant look out for those whose names she gave. despite having given them up in the first place, all Ava wanted now was for them to be safe. she wanted to be able to promise them this. at the sight of any mutant or powered person she gave up, guilt rose like a rocket. it was unavoidable, even to her disciplined mind (which was undeniably cracking between an addict sister, nightmares recalling traumas past, and a guilt surely aiming to consume her.) [ @cmmafrcsts ]

the worst part? no matter how hard she tried, Ava Barton could not remember the first full conversation she had with her handler. it was foggy, and in the back of her head she knew why. she hadn't been Ava then, a year ago, but a shell whose soul was just outside her body. she had no idea that one would label this dissociation. she'd given a raw and heartbroken Asher Dent all the comfort she could, and after she couldn't give anymore she lied to him and left, making her aimless way to the shore, to Washington D.C.. back then days were a blur and her mind was never present, but rocketed back months before, held captive. so when an FBI agent approached her with promises of serving her country again, finding her place in a world that had gone on while hers stayed centered in a desert, reasoning hadn't been part of it. Ava Barton was a soldier, and at the time she simply needed... really, craved orders.

now, those orders were going to be her undoing, and as she sat in the empty study room staring at her textbook, that is what she thought about. how her niece was a mutant, how she reported the girl her sister loved, how she'd just managed to speak to the Stark's again, but for what? there was no getting out of this. she'd been debating coming clean to some, but how? this is what her mind twisted around as she buried her face in her hands, letting out a sigh.

#WOW i got long winded im so sorry you dont have to match--ooc

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sabi-star-blog · 5 years ago

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Aquí esta la hojita de “mi ship en 5 minutos”, explica un poco mejor los detalles de la bonita relación de Cen y Asher >w< espero les guste

♡ ♡ ♡ Todos los dibujitos de Cen fueron hechos por @jglyanoro ♡ ♡ ♡

#lovely ship #<33333333333 #son tan lindos juntos >w<#gracias por encontrar esta hojita amor #l-lamento tardar tanto en subirlo...#Cen #Cengold #Cengold!sans #Asher #Asher!sans #Asher Desert Rose #CenxAsher #CenxAsher info #love #cute couple #♡#Gibi art

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careful-pyromancer · 2 years ago

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Context: The very beginning of Taliesin's investigation into the ruins. (more under the cut!)

TAGLIST ASK TO BE REMOVED/ADDED: @writing-is-a-martial-art @asher-orion-writes @memento-morri-writes @athena-anna-rose @verba-writing @midnight-and-his-melodiverse @writingpotato07 @fearofahumanplanet @nivahiem @lucysnotebook @365runesofpassion @cryptidsandqueers @theimperiumchronicles

@ocappreciation

I started my investigation at a stable west of the nearest settlement. There were a few other people making camp for the night, so I figured I should poke my nose around. Chamomile and Josephine helped me with their presence.

Of course, Chamomile is always by my side. She likes sitting on my shoulders and stretching her wings. Since this was a horse stable and had no equipment for dragons, they needed to stick close to me. Your Josephine helped a great deal as well.

The moonlight reflected off her white scales. This showed her luminous effect you are no doubt familiar with. I understand why she is so precious to you now.

The first person I asked about Black Fox Glade was the stable owner. She fought the heat using a white robe enchanted with Unseelie ice magic. A common ground I could use.

“Is Unseelie magic as impressive as this seen in the desert typically?” I inquired, watching her appraise me.

Looking into her eyes felt like staring into the black abyss. I held my smile.

“It comes at a steep price.” She couldn’t help the opportunity to brag.

The owner stared at me, the unspoken question on the tip of her tongue.

#wip: chronicles of avalon #oc tag: theo #oc tag: taliesin #queer fantasy #oh god here he goes

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tomorrowedblog · 5 years ago

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Friday Releases for March 20

Friday is the busiest day of the week for new releases, so we've decided to collect them all in one place. Friday Releases for March 20 include Doom Eternal, Animal Crossing: New Horizons, The Truth, and more.

The Truth

The Truth, the new movie from Hirokazu Koreeda, is out today.

Fabienne (Catherine Deneuve) is an aging French movie star who, despite her momentary lapses in memory, remains a venerable force to be reckoned with. Upon the publication of her memoirs, her daughter Lumir (Juliette Binoche) returns to Paris from New York with her husband (Ethan Hawke) and their young daughter to commemorate its release. A sharp and funny battle of wits ensues between the mother-daughter duo, as Lumir takes issue with Fabienne’s rose-colored version of the past. Reflected cleverly by Fabienne’s latest role in a sci-fi drama, their strained relationship takes a poignant journey toward possible reconciliation.

Blow The Man Down

Blow The Man Down, the new movie from Bridget Savage Cole and Danielle Krudy, is out today.

Welcome to Easter Cove, a salty fishing village on the far reaches of Maine’s rocky coast. Grieving the loss of their mother and facing an uncertain future, Mary Beth & Priscilla Connolly cover up a gruesome run-in with a dangerous man. To conceal their crime, the sisters must go deeper into Easter Cove’s underbelly and uncover the town matriarchs’ darkest secrets.

Blue Story

Blue Story, the new movie from Andrew Onwubolu, is out today.

Blue Story is a tragic tale of a friendship between Timmy and Marco, two young boys from opposing postcodes. Timmy, a shy, smart, naive and timid young boy from Deptford, goes to school in Peckham where he strikes up a friendship with Marco, a charismatic, streetwise kid from the local area. Although from warring postcodes, the two quickly form a firm friendship until it is tested and they wind up on rival sides of a street war. Blue Story depicts elements of Rapman's own personal experiences and aspects of his childhood.

The Platform

The Platform, the new movie from Galder Gaztelu-Urrutia, is out today.

Inside a vertical prison system, inmates are assigned to a level and forced to ration food from a platform that moves between the floors.

International Falls

International Falls, the new movie from Amber McGinnis, is out today.

A woman stuck in a small, snowbound border town has dreams of doing comedy when she meets a washed up, burned out comedian with dreams of doing anything else.

Human Capital

Human Capital, the new movie from Marc Meyers, is out today.

The lives of two families collide when their children begin a relationship that leads to a tragic accident and they must protect the ones they love.

Self Made

Self Made, the new TV series from Nicole Jefferson Asher, is out today.

The inspiring story of trailblazing African American entrepreneur Madam C.J. Walker who built a haircare empire that made her America's first female self-made millionaire.

The Letter for the King

The Letter for the King, the new TV series from Will Davies, is out today.

In this sweeping fantasy series, a teenage knight-in-training (Amir Wilson) receives a secret letter on which the fate of the kingdom depends. He embarks on an epic quest to deliver it to the king and stop the world from being plunged into darkness.

Doom Eternal

Doom Eternal, the new game from id Software and Bethesda Softworks, is out today.

Hell’s armies have invaded Earth. Become the Slayer in an epic single-player campaign to conquer demons across dimensions and stop the final destruction of humanity. The only thing they fear... is you.

Animal Crossing: New Horizons

Animal Crossing: New Horizons, the new game from Nintendo, is out today.

The Nook Inc. Deserted Island Getaway Package is waiting for you!

After Hours

After Hours, the new album from The Weeknd, is out today.

#Games #Movies #TV #Music #News

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voltron-savior · 7 years ago

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Shield Bearers: Losing The Stars

A/N: It’s been a long time, I’m rusty, and I’ve lost so much since this start.

I know it’s been, like, four months or so since we ended our friendship but it still hurts and I needed to straighten out my thoughts. Trust me, I know there’s a good heavy chance she won’t read it, and that might be for the best. I kind of wish we could go back and make things up, but I’m also not sure it’s for the best. So while it hurts, I need to accept that the best thing I can do is learn to move on.

This is the end of this Shield Bearers, but it is not the end of the concept of the Shield Bearers. I want to write a new story. One day I will.

Summary: One last conversation to end the Shield Bearers.

I should have been asleep by now. It’s too late to be awake. I’m too exhausted to keep going on like I have been.

On this particular night, however, like the many nights before it, I found myself unable to sleep. I was wide awake, sitting in bed, staring at the wall. White spots danced across my vision, creating stars in the dark of the room.

I heard Shiro’s breathing beside me. Peaceful, calm, like there wasn’t a worry in his mind. I knew it wasn’t true, but I couldn’t help but be envious of his quiet sleep. I wished I could banish the worries from my mind, so I could lay down beside him and slip into my dreams.

Instead, I pulled my knees closer to my chest, head resting on my folded arms. I felt nervous and uneasy in the silent repetition of the nothingness in the air. The stars in my vision flickered in and out of existence. I thought I could catch them in my hands, but I didn’t have the strength to try. My broken heartbeat sapped all my energy from me. It was like my own body was somehow violating me.

I jumped, head whipping back when I felt a touch on my back. Shiro’s sleepy brown eyes met mine, his hand rubbing gently along the curve of my spine.

“You’re supposed to be asleep.” My voice broke the silence like a hammer on glass, too loud for this reserved moment. But Shiro didn’t mind.

“So are you.” Shiro’s voice was heavy with slumber, and his eyes were the same. He pushed himself into a sitting position beside me before going back to rubbing gently up and down my back. “What’s eating at you?”

Of course he knew. I couldn’t hide my emotions from my Paladin. Shiro saw through me, and I was sure he even knew what bothered me this late at night. He was too good at that, knowing me, like I was a book no one else could open, yet Shiro turned my pages and drank in every symbol scribbled down.

“I guess I’m just lonely,” I responded, my head falling back to my arms, my gaze returning to the wall. In the dark, it was as void as space. My eyes filled it in with more stars than I bothered to count, as their existence became null.

“Is it about...?” Shiro’s hesitance held him back from saying her name. I understood why. The Castle dare not utter the three syllables, dare not bring to light the truth of the missing Shield.

“When isn’t it?” I muttered bitterly. I felt my eyes sting as they filled with tears, my chest tightening, my throat burning, as I desperately wanted to cry, holding back only to save myself the embarrassment. “It’s fucking always been about her, about her fucking feelings, about her dumb fucking bullshit-”

I choked on my own bitterness. Bitterness, anger, fury, all a well crafted mask to hide the hurt, the betrayal, the insistent need to apologize to a void. I felt like I was breaking apart. I was losing myself in the grief of losing her, and it was like my own sadness was crushing me.

Shiro could tell when I was drowning, when it was too much. His arms wrapped around me, scooting closer so he could hold me, his head resting on my shoulder. There wasn’t much he could say to make it better, nothing the two of us haven’t said already. There were no more comforting truths that could cure me of my suffering.

So our room returned to the quiet. Except it was no longer crying. It was pathetic sniffles as my nose felt crushed at the bridge. You could hear my breathing shake as I tried to control the fire in my lungs. But I just couldn’t. I’d been holding back the agony too long, controlling my mask, using it as the lid on the overflowing garbage can of emotions. Now it was out of control and the problem had to be addressed.

I wasn’t sure where to start. I needed a road map to figure out where my emotions twisted, where the narrative turned, what I needed to stop on and what I could skip.

Suddenly, the words tumbled out of my mouth, shaking and breaking like fragile glass on the pavement. “I wanted to apologize.” I could barely hold back the sob threatening to come. “I wanted to tell her, ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t t-try hard enough-I-I could have... I could have listened, or...’” It broke out of me, the most pathetic and pained sob I think I’d cried in awhile. “I couldn’t have done anything! I tried-I tried, Sh-Shiro, I did.... God, I just... Jesus. I tried... to tell her what was wrong-how I felt, you know? I fucking tried. But I lectured her. She said I lectured her! I tried-I tried to fix things and I lectured. I don’t get it! I couldn’t try any harder!”

Shiro’s hold on me loosened, and I appreciated the space as I hit my thighs with my fists, over and over, angrily stomping my feet on the bed and shaking my head. I was filled with hysterics. I wanted to get on a hoverbike and drive. I wanted to jump in a pod and fly through the galaxies. I just wanted to go somewhere until I had a handle on my emotions. I wanted to drive or fly until I collapsed, or I found a place that I finally belonged. I wanted to find her and get on my knees, and I wanted to go in the opposite direction of where she’d ever be.

“I tried to understand!” My voice rose in frustration. “I tried to listen to her!” Tears streamed down my cheeks, and my eyes burned. “I just wanted to be what she needed! She fucking left! And I would have said sorry if she didn’t call me her- her abuser! I wanted her to know I loved her and-and I cared-but-but it wasn’t-it wasn’t enough!”

I collapsed back onto the bed, my arms pressed into my chest, my fingers digging into my palms as my fists shook. I cried out pathetic sobs, feeling as though my body was ripping itself apart from my very heart.

Part of me expected Shiro to leave, too. I thought he would turn his back, and tell me the same things she said. I must have somehow abused him. With no intention to do so, I must have torn something out of Shiro, something he could never take back. I swam in regrets with no reason. I assumed I’d done the worst.

Instead, he laid down with me, wrapping an arm around me, resting his head on my shoulder. His weight was a heaviness I was used to, and one I found comforting. My head leaned to the side, resting against his. My sobs turned into cries, and my cries turned into sniffles, tears running new trails down my cheeks, my nose a running mess, yet dry as desert air.

For the first time that night, the silence was comforting. I wasn’t drowning in misery. Instead, finally, I felt reassurance. Shiro wasn’t leaving. He was laying beside me, holding me while I cried. Even with the mistakes I made he stayed put. I felt a promise behind his silence, and that was enough for tonight.

When I’d settled down, my hand resting on Shiro’s arm, feeling tired from the crying, he finally started to talk.

“I know you did things wrong,” he said, his voice a gentle rumble. “I know you made mistakes. I know she did, too, though. I know neither of you are faultless.” His arm tightened around me for a moment. “I know it’s been hard losing your friend like that. But in the end, I also know it wasn’t good for you to stay. I doubt it was for her, either.”

My voice was raspy when I spoke, raw from sobbing. “I want to apologize. I want to crawl back so fucking bad, I want her to forgive me, but still...”

“Nothing would change,” he whispered. “You’d love each other still, and yet you’d never stop hurting each other. You’d always get stuck in a cycle. You say something that hurts her and she never addresses it. You get hurt and get chastised for telling her. You’re both angry and upset and scared to talk to each other...” He gave a weak smile. “And you could never stand for her...” He searched for a word, and I knew he was trying to put it lightly. “You couldn’t stand her peaceful nature.”

“That’s one way to put it,” I mumbled bitterly.

Shiro kissed my temple. “I know it hurts, Asher. I can see you tearing yourself apart over it. But in the end this is going to be better.”

I sighed, falling back into the silence. I could feel the exhaustion drown me, as I finally started to let the pieces heal, instead of wearing the mask. Yes, there was anger, there was bitterness, but there was an ocean of sadness that needed to be calmed and reassured.

The stars still danced in the darkness, white static coming into existence and fading away into a memory. The silence was replaced by two pairs of lungs breathing, breaths turning deeper as sleep began to claim them.

I spoke into the quiet, a whisper that, instead of breaking the silence, flowed into it, like it belonged there. “Shiro? Does it ever stop hurting?”

Shiro was silent, and for a long moment, I thought he fell asleep. But then he sighed, his breath tickling over my shoulders and face. “Maybe. Maybe not.” He sleepily pressed a sloppy kiss to my cheek. “But you have memories, and you have a whole lifetime ahead of you.”

It hurt. It was going to hurt for a long time. Some days I wouldn’t remember we ever had a Blue Shield. Other days, I would be drowned in grief and agony and anger and pain.

I wasn’t going to let that drown me, not when I had others like Kya, like Renz, like Shiro who depended on me, who did truly love me. I wouldn’t let her break me, not like this.

In this healing, I finally found sleep as I drifted into a sea of lost stars.

#izar writes #izar #shiro x oc #shiro/oc #shiro/izar #shiro x izar #shizar #shiro #takashi shirogane #voltron takashi shirogane #voltron shiro #vld shiro #vld takashi shirogane #shield bearers #vld shield bearers #voltron shield bearers #vldsb

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illegiblewords · 6 years ago

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Spoilers for Before the Dawn.

When I decided to play FFXIV, my impression was the game initially looked like a reasonably lighthearted JRPG. This is despite the fact that I have no shame at all when it comes to spoilers. I’m all Silent Hill, Bloodborne, Rule of Rose, stuff like that periodically so when I say “reasonably lighthearted” that is my basis for comparison lol. I figured that while including some dark backstory stuff for characters was fine I should try to keep it firmly consistent with what I’ve seen in-game.

Backstory I made for Cenric goes something like this:

Cenric was found at Thal’s Respite as an infant, completely alone. Immin Asher (a wandering medic) found him while mourning his tempered wife. Although he had no way of knowing Cenric’s origins, Immin believed the child was compensation from the Traders for the future he'd lost with his spouse. Growing up, Cenric was very reserved. He acted as an assistant to his adoptive father, which initially meant making medicines to sell. As time went on, he started learning a small amount about medical procedures and how to tend injuries without the luxury of conjuring. Cenric was desensitized to bodies and death from a very young age as a result. Perceived morbidity, his odd appearance, plus constant traveling earned him few friends, and occasionally there would be rumors that he was voidsent or a son of Thal. Immin, when asked, would simply state that there is Duskwight in Cenric's blood despite having no way to prove this. When Cenric was 14, he and Immin reached a village on the outskirts of Thanalan. There were unique resources to collect, so they remained for some time. Partway into their stay plague struck. The two did what they could, but when people started dying panic took the community. A small mob, convinced that the situation was Thal demanding his spawn back, tried to ritually sacrifice Cenric. Immin saved his life but lost his own. Cenric escaped into the desert. For the next few years Cenric made barely enough to get by doing odd jobs, exaggerating his healing abilities for coin, and selling what he could find. He was destitute, embittered by the ingratitude that killed Immin. Cenric's memory surrounding the Calamity is hazy, although he remembers being chased out of town by an exploited mother at one point and being driven by hunger to begging in the streets at another. Cenric became seriously ill a year before his adventure began. The irony of his situation in light of the previous plague drove him to hysteria, and he prayed obsessively at an altar to Nald’thal. Initially this involved demanding answers and recompense for the suffering he’d endured. It later shifted to begging for a chance to do better when his guilt and shame took hold, not only over Immin but the people he’d hurt since. At some point Cenric fainted, which allowed the alarmed priests to remove and treat him. A visiting thaumaturge named Memesu examined Cenric and found he had tremendous aetheric potential. This confirmed nothing, but she was able to direct Cenric toward Ul’dah. She also told Cenric frankly that neither the plague nor what happened to Immin was his fault. Thal conducts all of his transactions directly, if he'd wanted Cenric's life then he would have taken it. Cenric is very cynical, although somewhat more outgoing than he was. Due to his past he craves luxury and status. His previous escapades as a con-artist have left him with a strong desire to do good, so he uses the destructive force of black magic to protect others. He has a decent education due to his upbringing and the time he spent among priests, although there are gaps. He tries to show off more when he’s insecure. His primary minion is a spriggan dust bunny named Itsy.

Why is this relevant to Before the Dawn? Well you see...

My guy literally exploited a bunch of sick people for years with his shallow understanding of medicine. This was after losing his adoptive father in a situation he 100% believes was his fault. He did occasionally get told by aforementioned exploited sick people exactly what a terrible piece of filth he was. He is convinced that he's been marked by the god of death.

For perspective, Cenric is mid-to-late twenties. He spent a looooong time impoverished and conning people.

He spent a couple of years residing with the priests of Nald'thal, and Memesu was specifically how he was able to cast anything during the initial levels. His decision to visit Ul'dah and take up formal training as a thaumaturge was very specifically because of being told he has a weird amount of aether. He tried to make an honest living for himself as an adventurer who uses death-magic to protect others, only to achieve WAY more fame, fortune, and influence than he thinks he's properly earned or deserves. But I mean who's going to look that gift horse in the mouth? Plus it lets him feel like he's making up for some of what he did if he can make things better.

Recruits Crystal Braves personally. Basically all of them turn on him. He gets accused of regicide and bound before his allies without trial. This is after seeing the monarch who naively decided to trust him murdered. His friends largely seem to either get killed or abandon him. He escapes Ul'dah by the skin of his teeth after having been branded a criminal and a monster again.

None of his friends have ever actually asked about his past or what drives him. Technically this is because I mean JRPG where everyone does their Warrior of Light differently, but I'm gonna run with it as a thing that happens. Alphinaud meanwhile, a teenager who has given every indication of using his quest to save Eorzea to honor his grandfather's legacy, is blaming himself since he was commander of the Crystal Braves. This is despite the fact that it was literally Cenric who chose every member of the Crystal Braves. No one vetted these people, they felt lucky to have any volunteers at all.

While Alphinaud, a major figure to the scions and a teenager clearly in way over his head, is blaming himself... there is a reason besides that JRPG setup that Cenric isn't talking as much. He's very aware that who he is as a person is irrelevant to those around him. He has to be the Warrior of Light as a symbol, and he has to seem steady because having TWO leaders (one a grown man) showing this kind of self-doubt would be pretty shattering.

Internally though, given what I very naively put in for that backstory all of these events are just going to reinforce what Cenric has believed about himself all along. He is poison, he has always been poison. It's his nature to be a destructive force who kills everyone he touches. Even if intellectually he understands this was a coup, this overall feels like more of a wake-up call. It makes zero sense for him to have risen to the level of strength and influence he had, or to gain the trust of everyone including literal rulers and deities the way he has. These people were seriously naive and grossly misread what he actually is.

Cenric feels the need to explain this to his remaining friends and allies, because if they keep trusting him 1) he's going to fail them again 2) they will probably end up dead. Midgardsomr at least recognized he was fake and had earned nothing, least of all Hydaelyn's blessing. That further validates all the aforementioned "I am a plague upon humanity" sentiments.

Alphinaud snaps out of his issues by more or less saying it would be dumb to throw everything away in a fit of self-pity. In that moment Cenric realizes he is absolutely not able to tell anyone what's going on, even if he's unsure whether his motives are self-pity or being legitimately terrified that he is going to get everyone killed. This is breakneck speed on the breakdown train. Can't show that though, gotta JRPG smile/nod encouragingly because that's what everyone else needs from the Warrior of Light.

Meanwhile Midgardsomr drops that lovely bit looking to Ishgard. "Thou thinkest thou will find salvation here? Delusion, death, despair. Thou will find naught else here." Or something to that effect, I missed exact phrasing. But yeah, zero comfort to be had in the cute little dragon god. Cenric's like yeah you're right I'll probably murder everyone in Ishgard too. :|

And I do know about Haurchefant. It is destiny.

I have all kinds of fun writing angst yeah, but I’m basically laughing rn because straight up I didn’t even mean for this to go as heavy as it did. Enjoy some cinematic angsty Camp Dragonhead pics while friends are in the next room blissfully unaware lol.

#final fantasy xiv #final fantasy xiv screenshots #final fantasy 14 #hyur midlander #black mage

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hineini · 8 years ago

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Aruchah Cherut

Acknowledgements

Creating this haggadah would have been impossible if it hadn’t been for many fantastic resources. They include the following:

http://colours.mahost.org/events/haggadah.pdf

http://www.chatrh.org/haggadah/index2.htm

http://www.davka.org/what/haggadah/haggadah&liberation.html

http://www.gatherthepeople.org/Downloads/HAGGADAH_5767.pdf

http://www.hobokensynagogue.org/docs/haggadah.pdf

http://www.hrc.org/documents/Stonewall_Seder_Hagaddah.pdf

http://www.huc.edu/ijso/special/08/JQ-Haggadah.pdf

http://www.miriamscup.com/

http://wwww.ritualwell.org

http://scheinerman.net/judaism/pesach/haggadah.pdf

http://www.vbs.org/religious/haggadah/VBS-haggadah.pdf

http://velveteenrabbi.com/VRHaggadah.pdf

http://velveteenrabbi.com/2006-Haggadah.pdf

https://velveteenrabbi.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/vrhaggadah6.pdf

A Night of Questions: A Pesach Haggadah

Barbara Holender’s poem (Miriam’s Well)

Hannah Sennesh’s poem (blessed be the match)

The Open Door: A Pesach Haggadah

The Torah: A Women’s Commentary

http://www.haggadot.com

KABBALAT PANIM

Leader: Long ago at this season, our people set out on a journey. On an evening such as this, Israel went from degradation to joy. We give thanks for the liberation of days gone by and we pray for all who remain bound. Eternal God, may all who hunger come to rejoice in a new Pesach. Let all the human family sit at Your table, drink the juice of deliverance and eat the bread of freedom:

All: Freedom from bondage and freedom from oppression

Freedom from hunger and freedom from want

Freedom from hatred and freedom from fear

Freedom to think and freedom to speak

Freedom to teach and freedom to learn

Freedom to love and freedom to share

Freedom to hope and freedom to rejoice

Soon, in our lifetime. Amen.

Reader: We welcome the festival of Pesach as darkness descends. As we kindle these lights, we remember that our ancestors discovered freedom in the midst of that dark, final evening in Egypt. Let the candles we now light be a reflection of the light that shines within each one of us and let that light radiate throughout our home. We praise the Source of Light that keeps the hope of freedom alive amidst the darkness of oppression.

♫ Oh hear my prayer I sing to You. Be gracious to the ones I love, And bless them with goodness, and mercy and peace. Oh hear my prayer to You.

Let us light these lights And see a path to You, And let us say: Amen. ♫

Light the candles and read poem:

Reader: Blessed is the match, consumed in kindling flame.

Blessed is the flame that burns in the heart’s secret places.

Blessed is the heart that knows, for honour’s sake, to stop its beating.

Blessed is the match, consumed in kindling flame.

(Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Ruach haolam, asher kidshanu b’mitzvotav, v’tzivanu l’hadlik ner shel {Shabbat v’shel} Yom Tov.)

Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Ruach haolam, shehecheyanu, v’kiyamanu, v’higianu, laz’manhazeh.)

Leader: May the light of the candles we kindle together tonight bring radiance to all who still live in darkness. May this season, marking the deliverance of our people from Pharaoh, rouse us against anyone who keeps others in servitude. In gratitude for the freedom we enjoy, may we strive to bring about our own liberation and the liberation of all people everywhere. Lighting these candles, we create the sacred space of the Festival of Freedom; we sanctify the coming-together of our community.

♫ (Hinei mah tov ooma nayeem Shevet acheem gam yachad.) ♫

KOS MIRYAM

Leader: According to the Midrash, a well of water accompanied the Israelites during their journey through the desert. It followed them in honour of Miriam, Moses’ sister, who watched over her brother as he floated down the Nile. She later joined with him to lead the people across the sea. We recall that sacred water as we place Miriam’s cup on our Seder table.

Fill Miriam’s Cup with water.

Reader: In every generation we experience both oppression and liberation. In our wanderings, both as a religious people and as individuals, Miriam’s well is with us as a sustaining presence, enabling us to thrive. Her well reminds us that our journey has direction and destination-to a place where freedom is proclaimed for all of humankind.

Leader: Due to the merits of Miriam, a mysterious well, created on the eve of the first Sabbath, accompanied the children of Israel in the desert.

It followed her everywhere like a lover, easing us to rest, springing from hidden places in our wanderings. Always, we were thirsty. Angered by our wailing, she'd stamp her feet. Even from the pools of her heel-prints we drank.

Once in anguish she beat the rocks with her bare hands again and again, weeping.

Water gushed, cleansing her blood, soaking her hair, her robe.

She cupped her hands, rinsed her mouth, spat; she splashed, she played. Laughing, we filled our bellies. She was the one we followed, who knew each of us by name. Healing rose from her touch as drink from the deep, as song from her throat. She was the well. In our hearts we called her not Miriam, bitter sea, but Mayim, water.

KADEISH

Pour the first cup.

Leader: Our people suffered under slavery and God promised to deliver us. We raise the first cup and repeat God’s promise to our ancestors and to us:

I will bring you out from the burdens of the Egyptians.

All: This is the promise of awareness. When we are numb to the pain of bondage we do not know that we are enslaved. When we acknowledge and address that pain we become God’s partners in liberation.

(Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Ruach haolam, boray p’ri hagafen.)

All drink.

URCHATZ

Leader: We begin our story with the first stirrings of freedom. How was the desire for freedom initially aroused? Shifra and Puah resisted Pharaoh’s decree to drown every Israelite boy in the Nile and Miriam watched over her brother Moses to ensure his safety. In the face of death they advocated life.

In the birth waters and the Nile, these extraordinary women saw life and freedom. Like the coming of spring, they believed in the inevitability of freedom and began awakening their people. The waters of freedom open and close our story, taking us from the Nile to Sea of Reeds.

Reader: From grape juice we return to water. However, it is the water of the Nile. Pharaoh’s daughter immerses herself. Deep below the gentle current she hears faint, persistent crying. She emerges from the water and wipes away the droplets. It is then that she spots a basket. She is not alone seeking renewal from the water. Fear and context fade away. She reaches out to Moses and cradles him in her arms. If she had not reached out, the story we’re sharing would not have started. May the water we offer each other bring us closer to their embrace.

Leader: In Hebrew, urchatz means “washing” or “cleansing.” In Aramaic, sister language to Hebrew, urchatz means “trusting.” As we wash each others’ hands, let us rejoice in this act of trust and reflect on the sources of hope and trust we want to bring into the world for ourselves and each other.

Look to your right and wash that person’s hands as the water circulates around the table.

KARPAS

Reader: Long before the struggle upward begins, there is tremor in the seed. Self-protection cracks. Roots reach down and grab hold. The seed swells and tender shoots push up toward light. This is karpas: spring awakening growth. A force so tough it can break stone.

Leader: Karpas represents spring, new growth, rebirth and the beginning of new life. We taste all the potential in nature and humankind as we eat it. Tonight we celebrate our growth, the flowering of our spirits and voices.

Reader: We do not taste the vegetable alone. We dip it in salt water, recalling the tears our ancestors shed during their long years in slavery. We mix bitterness with sweetness, slavery with freedom, past with future. We live with the contrasts because we realize that no moment exists without a multitude of combinations-sorrow and joy, pain and comfort, despair and hope.

(Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Ruach haolam, boray p’ri haadamah.)

Take the parsley, dip it into the salt water and eat it.

YACHATZ

Leader: We break the matzah as we broke the chains of slavery and as we break chains which bind us today. We will no more be fooled by movements which free only some of us, in which our so-called “freedom” rests on the enslavement or embitterment of others.

Break middle matzah and hide half; put the remaining section between the two whole pieces.

Reader: Some do not get the chance to rise like golden loaves of challah, filled with sweet raisins and crowned with shiny braids. Rushed, neglected, not kneaded by caring hands, we grow up fearing that any touch might cause a break. There are some ingredients we never receive. Let us bless our cracked surfaces and sharp edges this evening, unafraid to see our brittleness and brave enough to see our beauty. Striving toward wholeness, let us piece together the parts of ourselves we have found and all that remains hidden.

MAGGID

HALACHMA ANYA

Lift matzah and recite:

Leader: This is matzah, the bread of affliction and oppression. Let all people who hunger to express their nature and strength, all people who seek meaning and a place in tradition, come and join our celebration. Let all who are hungry come and share our meal this evening. Today we are here seeking a path toward freedom and dignity. May we live in a world of wholeness and freedom in a year, part of a larger community which strengthens and sustains everyone.

Replace matzah.

MAH NISHTANAH

Pour the second cup.

Leader: Each Pesach, the traditional four questions remain exactly the same. Why do we always ask them? As we grow and change, our questions take on new meanings and the answers to them differ. As we grow and change, we understand that there is not a single right response. As we grow and change, other people will start to ask them.

Reader: To ask questions is to acknowledge that we do not live in isolation, that we need each other. To ask questions is to signal our desire to grow. We take the first steps toward greater knowledge and learning through admitting we do not know. To ask questions signifies our freedom.

Reader: How is this evening different from all others?

On all other evenings we eat chameitz and matzah. Why only matzah on this evening?

On all other evenings we eat all vegetables. Why maror on this evening?

On all other evenings we don’t dip even once. Why do we dip twice on this evening?

On all other evenings we eat either sitting upright or reclining. Why do we all recline on this evening?

(Mah nishtanah halailah hazeh mikol halaylot?

Shebachol halaylot anu ochleen chamaytz u’matzah, halailah hazeh kulo matzah.

Shebachol halaylot anu ochleen sh’ahr y’rakot, halailah hazeh maror.

Shebachol halaylot ayn anu matbeeleen afeelu pa’am achat, halailah hazeh sh’tay f’ameem.

Shebachol halaylot anu och’leen beyn yoshveen u’vayn m’subeen, halailah hazeh kulanu m’subeen.)

Leader: In addition to the Four Questions, tonight we ask ourselves a fifth. We are commanded to celebrate as if each one of us had been personally liberated from Egypt. How have you been liberated from bondage in the last twelve months?

Anyone who wants to may share a story as we circulate through the table.

AVADIM HAYINU

Reader: Approximately 4000 years ago, our people were slaves in Egypt. If God had not brought us out of Egypt, we would remain enslaved there to this day. We retell this story to remind ourselves of the importance of human freedom. The story of the Exodus from Egypt reassures us that freedom is possible, deliverance can come, salvation is within our reach and the dream of redemption can become a reality.

Leader: Mitzrayim is not just a place on an ancient map, where a narrow strait blocks the route between two seas. Mitzrayim is a place in us where a narrow strait blocks the sea which is our soul from reaching the Sea which is its source.

Reader: Though we no longer labour under Pharaoh’s overseers, we may remain enslaved, though in subtler ways which are harder to eradicate. Do we enslave ourselves to our jobs? To our expectations? To the expectations of others? To our fears? Tonight we celebrate our liberation from Egypt-in Hebrew, Mitzrayim, literally “the narrow place”-, but narrow places exist in multiple ways. Let this holiday make us mindful of internal bondage, which keeps us enslaved despite our outward freedom.

ARBAAH VANIN

Reader: Torah speaks four times about children in connection with the Exodus story. According to rabbinic Midrash this is not simple repetition, but rather a depiction of four kinds of children: one who is wise, one who is rebellious, one who is simple and one who does not know how to ask.

Leader: However, we realize that no child is all wise, all rebellious, all simple or incapable of asking anything. At different times in our lives, we have been all of these children: one who is eager, one who is hostile, one who is passive and one who is bewildered.

Reader: We have asked the most intelligent of questions, we have challenged provocatively, we have simply wanted an answer and we have been so confused that we were unable to speak. We have been all these children: one who is aware, one who is alienated, one who is direct and one who is silent.

Leader: We also include a fifth child during our discussion this evening: a child of the Holocaust who did not survive to ask.

Reader: What does it mean to be a wise child? It means to be engaged in your community, to recognize the limit of your understanding, to be able to look for answers to that which you don’t know. At different times in our lives, we have been this child, like Miriam was-inquisitive, caring, eager to learn and understand, willing to ask for information we do not have, hopeful that an answer can be given.

Reader: What does it mean to be a rebellious child? It means to stand apart from the community, to feel alienated and alone, depending only on yourself, to have little trust in the people around you to help you or answer your questions. At different times in our lives, we have been this child, like Tamar was-detached, suspicious and challenging.

Reader: What does it mean to be a simple child? It means to see only a single layer of meaning, to ask the most basic of questions, to be too innocent or impatient to grasp complicated questions. At different times in our lives, we have been this child, like Ruth was-simply curious and innocently unaware of the complexities around us.

Reader: What does it mean to be a silent child? It can be the child of the wicked child, two generations removed from the Jewish community and no longer even able to criticize, only standing mute. It might be a passive child who simply shows up or it may be a child whose spiritual life is based on faith rather than rational argument, the child who hears something deeper than words and can be silent to listen to the surrounding silence.

Leader: What does it mean to be unable to ask? It means to have seen the horror of the Shoah and be unable to communicate directly to other people about it. We ask, “Why did the Shoah happen?” on behalf of this child.

We can only follow the footsteps of Rabbi Elazar ben Azariah, who could not bring himself to mention the Exodus during the evening until Ben Zoma explained it to him through the verse: “In order that you REMEMBER the day of your going out from Egypt, all the days of your life.” “The days of your life” indicates the daylight and the goodness of life. “All the days of your life” means even during the darkest evening, when we have lost our first-born child, we must remember the Exodus.

Reader: We answer that child’s question with silence. In silence we remember six million Jews and five million others, including Poles, Romas, Soviets, gay, gender-queer and differently-abled people, who were killed under the Nazi regime. Many of them were not buried and their graves were not marked. They were consumed in flame and their ashes were scattered but their spirits endure and we remember them.

Observe a minute of silence (including the Kaddish if you feel comfortable).

(Yitgadal v’yitkadash sh’may raba b’alma di v’ra chirutay, v’yamlich malchutay b’chayaychon uv’yomaychon uv’chay d’chol beyt Yisrael, Ba’agala u’vizman kariv, v’imru, Amein. Y’hay sh’may raba m’varech l’olam ul’almay almaya.

Yitbarach v’yishtabach v’yitpa’ar v’yitromam v’yitnasay v’yit-hadar v’yitaleh

v’yit-halal, sh’may d’kudsha, b’rich Hu. L’ayla min kol birchata v’shirata, tush b’chata v’nechemata, da’amiran b’alma, vimru, Amein. Y’hay sh’lama raba min sh’maya, v’chayim aleinu v’al kol Yisrael, v’imru, Amein.)

V’HI SHEAMDAH

Leader: Sacred is the One keeping this accord: Although some stand against us, others stand with us in difficult times. In every generation, when some are blinded by hate, others build bridges of understanding. No matter the circumstances we are in, no matter how hard things seem, God will always be there to help us through.

NEITZI V’NILMAD

Reader: At the conclusion of Genesis, Joseph brings his family to Egypt. Over the following centuries, the descendants of Joseph's family become so numerous that when a new pharaoh comes to rule Egypt he fears what might happen if the Hebrews decide to rise against the Egyptians. He decides that the best way to avoid this situation is to enslave them.

Leader: Despite Pharaoh's attempt to subdue the Hebrews they continue to have many children. As their numbers grow, Pharaoh comes up with an additional plan: he will send soldiers to kill all newborn male babies who were born to Hebrew mothers. However, the Israelite midwives – Shifra and Puah – do not adhere to Pharaoh’s request since they revere God. When asked why the boys are surviving, they explain that “the Hebrew women are so hardy, they give birth before we arrive!” Pharaoh then orders his people to throw every male child born to an Israelite into the Nile River.

Reader: After giving birth to a son, his mother Yocheved, accompanied by his sister Miriam, puts him in a basket and set it afloat on the river. Their hope is that the basket will float to safety and whoever finds the baby will adopt him as their own. Miriam follows the basket as it floats down the river. Eventually it is discovered by none other than Pharaoh's daughter. She saves Moses and raises him as her own, so he is raised as a prince of Egypt.

Leader: When Moses grows up he kills an Egyptian guard when he sees him beating a Hebrew slave. Then Moses flees for his life, heading into the desert. In the desert he joins the family of Jethro, a Midian priest, by marrying Jethro's daughter, Zipporah and having children with her. He becomes a shepherd for Jethro's flock and one afternoon, while out tending the sheep, Moses meets God in the wilderness. The voice of God calls out to him from a burning bush and Moses answers: “Hineini!!”

Reader: God tells Moses that he has been chosen to liberate the Hebrews from slavery in Egypt. Moses is so humble, let alone intimidated to even contemplate such a radical notion due to his speaking difference, that he attempts to refuse God’s request, but God reassures Moses that he will have God’s help and that Aaron, his brother, will come with him, helping Moses relay his message despite his speaking difference. It is with this assurance that Moses goes to Pharaoh and demands, “Let my people go!”

Leader: Pharaoh refuses to give Moses’ people their freedom and as a result God sends ten plagues to Egypt. Each one frightens Pharaoh, prompting him to promise to give the slaves their freedom, but Pharaoh does not keep his word after each plague stops, despite warnings by Moses, prior to each plague, about the devastating effect it will exert on the Egyptian people. It is only after the last plague, the death of the firstborn of the Egyptians, including Pharaoh’s own son, that Pharaoh finally lets the Israelites go.

Reader: Fearful that Pharaoh will change his mind once more, our ancestors leave Egypt without waiting for their dough to rise into bread. They don’t leave alone; a mixed multitude goes with them, including Moses’ adopted mother, who becomes known as Batya, daughter of God, after the exodus to freedom occurs.

Leader: Pharaoh’s army follows us to the Sea of Reeds, where we witness Nachshon’s great act of faith. It is only after he goes as far as he can that God commands Moses to raise his rod, enabling the sea to split and let us through. We mourn, to this day, that Pharaoh’s army drowned. Our liberation is bittersweet because people died in our pursuit.

All: And so it is written that God brought us forth out of Egypt, with a mighty hand and with an outstretched arm and with great terror and with signs and with wonders.

OTOT UMOFTIN

Leader: We are about to recite the Ten Plagues. As we call out the words, we remove ten drops from our overflowing cups with our fingers. This dipping is not food into food. It is tactile and intimate, a momentary submersion into a Nile suddenly flowing red with blood.

We will not partake of our Seder feast until we have completed this ritual because our freedom was purchased with the suffering of others. Midrash tells us that while watching the Egyptians succumb to the ten plagues, the angels broke into songs of jubilation. God rebuked them, saying, “My creatures are dying and you sing praises?” Our joy in our liberation will always be tarnished by the torture Egyptian people endured.

Reader: God, who is like you? We understand fear, doubt, resentment and guilt. We believed we were leaving such emotions. How heavy a load can be carried out of Egypt? How many in that army were blameless? How many innocents will die for this freedom?

We attempt to drown out these questions with music and dancing. We think of the abuse, the children who were killed, all the times we hoped something like this might happen. We tell ourselves we have a right to rejoice. It would be easier to believe if the horses hadn’t had time to scream.

Remove a drop of juice for each plague.

(Dam. Tz’fardaya. Kinim. Arov. Dever. Sh’chin. Barad. Arbeh. Choshech. Makat B’chorot.)

Leader: Today, there are ten more plagues that affect all of humankind and prevent people from having total freedom. We remove juice from our glasses to acknowledge them and pray for their ending:

Stigma toward mental illness(es) and anyone who lives with their effect(s)

Consumerism

Animal abuse and exploitation

War

Abuse of the earth

Abusive working conditions

Oppression of women

Oppression of visible minorities

Stereotypes linked to religious difference

Difficulty accessing housing

Reader: May these modern issues disappear as people start living according to the Golden, if not Platinum, Rule.

♫ Mi shebayrach avotaynu M'kor habracha l'imotaynu. May the source of strength Who blessed the ones before us, Help us find the courage To make our lives a blessing

And let us say Amen. ♫

Reader: May all people seeking healing from the effect of any of these modern plagues have their prayers answered during the days to come.

♫ Mi shebayrach imoteinu

M’kor habrachah l’avotaynu.

Bless those in need of healing

with refuah shlaymah

The renewal of body,

The renewal of spirit,

And let us say Amen. ♫

DAYEINU

Leader: Dayeinu is the song of our gratitude. Once, a Jewish philosopher was asked about the opposite of hopelessness. He responded: Dayeinu; the ability to be grateful for everything we have received.

Reader: We now rejoice in the many blessings God gave us during this journey, ending each stanza with “Dayeinu” to acknowledge that even a single blessing would have been sufficient.

♫ (Ilu hotzi, hotzianu,hotzianu mimitzrayim, hotzianu mimitzrayim dayeinu.

Day, Dayeinu {3X} dayeinu dayeinu

Ilu natan, natan lanu, natan lanu et hashabbat, natan lanu et hashabbat dayeinu.

Day, Dayeinu {3X} dayeinu dayeinu

Ilu natan, natan lanu, natan lanu et hatorah, natan lanu et hatorah dayeinu.

Day, Dayeinu {3X} dayeinu dayeinu.) ♫

LO DAYEINU

Leader: From singing Dayeinu we learn to celebrate each landmark on our people's journey but we must never confuse these way-stations with the redemptive destination because there is so much more to accomplish if we are to completely repair the world.

Reader: Though we sing “it would have been enough”, we recognize that life goes on. New, often unanticipated, situations challenge us. Our way narrows frequently and we have to immerse ourselves in the struggle to reach the clear shore.

PESACH, MATHZAH, MAROR

Leader: Tradition directs us to have a shank bone on our Seder plates to remember the lamb’s blood our ancestors smeared on their doorposts to protect their children from the Angel of Death. Today is a bit different, as we follow an alternative tradition suggested by the Talmud. Our Seder plate has beets on it. They remind us of the blood when we cut them but they do not involve any life being sacrificed, serving as a reminder that all life is holy and all creatures deserve freedom to live.

Reader: God was revealed to our ancestors and they tasted redemption even before their dough had risen. Matzah is the bread of wandering, the bridge between our sojourn in the land of slavery and the land of freedom.

Leader: The Egyptians embittered our ancestors’ lives. Cruelty, violence and oppression plague every human society, darken our world, embitter our lives and challenge us to raise our voices for justice.

KOS SHEINI

Lift the cup and recite:

Leader: I will deliver you from servitude.

All: This is the promise of deliverance from servitude. Created in God’s image we need never to be subject to another’s cruel will. As God promises us deliverance, so must we ensure the freedom of every human being.

(Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Ruach haolam, boray p’ri hagafen.)

All drink.

RACHTZAH

Leader: We wash our hands once more, though much has changed since the Seder started. We have passed through the long evening of Egypt and we stand on the far side of the Sea of Reeds. Like our ancestors all those years ago, we sing MiChamocha to express our gratitude.

♫ (Michamocha, baelim Adonai, mikamocha nedar bakodesh. Norah tehilot, ohsayfeleh, norah tehilot, osayfeleh.

Malechutecha, rau venecha, bokay hayam leefnay MosheuMiriam. Zayli, anu veamru. Adonai yimloch, l’olam vaed.) ♫

Reader: We now wash our hands to celebrate our crossing the sea, our rebirth as a free people. We now recite a blessing, for our hands have the freedom to perform acts of holiness, including eating matzah, the symbol of liberation.

Leader: In this moment of celebration, may this water, symbolically drawn from Miriam’s well, cleanse us of all the wounds and pain of Egypt. As we remember the past, we are called to strive toward a healing future, helping others who remain enslaved navigate the path to freedom.

(Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Ruach haolam, asher kidshanu b’mitzvotav, v’tzivanu al n’tilat yadayim.)

Wash hands.

MOTZI/MATZAH

Reader: Why do we eat matzah? In order to remind ourselves that even before the dough of our ancestors could rise and become bread God was revealed to our people and freed them as it is written: “And they baked unleavened cakes of the dough they had taken out of Egypt, for it was not leavened, since they had been driven out of Egypt and they could not delay”.

Leader: Matzah reminds us that when the chance for liberation comes, we must seize it even if we do not feel ready-indeed, if we wait until we feel fully ready, we may never act at all.

(Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Ruach haolam, hamotzi lechem min haaretz.

Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Ruach haolam, asher kidshanu b’mitzvotav, v’tzivanu al achlit matzah.)

All present take a piece of Matzah, salt it and eat it.

MAROR/CHAROSET

Reader: Why do we eat maror? To remind ourselves that the Egyptians embittered the lives of our ancestors as it is written: ruthlessly they embittered their lives with harsh labour at mortar, brick and field jobs.

Leader: Why do we eat charoset? Rabbi Jochannan said “To recall the clay”. Seasonings mixed with apples recall straw mixed with clay; so were we forced to make bricks for Pharaoh. Why from apples? Rabbi Levi said, “To recall the apple trees.” For just as apple trees bloom while it is winter, before any leaves have grown to protect the fruit, so our mothers in Egypt were willing to bear their children unprotected, hiding in the orchards and fields. When Pharaoh decreed the drowning of Hebrew boys, Jewish men thought to cease having children altogether, but their wives and daughters said, “Pharaoh wants to kill only the male children, but your actions will eliminate them all!” Their courage kept our nation alive.

(Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Ruach haolam, asher kidshanu b’mitzvotav, v’tzivanu al achlit maror.)

All present take romaine lettuce, dip it into the Charoset and eat it.

Reader: We have come from darkness to light, slavery to freedom, winter to spring and now bitterness to sweetness. Despite that journey, some darkness remains with the light. With our freedom, there are some who are enslaved. It remains winter for some and life remains bitter for many throughout our world.

Leader: Even in our own lives, we live within the tapestry of those contradictions. It is dark and it is light; we are trapped and we are liberated; we are cold and we are warm; we feel pain and joy, as we just experienced through combining maror and charoset, taking the bitter with the sweet and acknowledging the fullness of life, shaded by gradations of experience and a reflection of all possibilities rather than simply black or white.

KOREICH

Reader: We remember the days when the Temple stood and Hillel the sage combined the pesach, matzah and maror, eating them together to fulfill the biblical teaching “with matzah and bitter herbs they shall eat it”.

Leader: To the Sage Hillel, eating Matzah and Maror together was not a trivial matter. To him, slavery and freedom were merged in one historical event. The bread of poverty became bread of freedom and was tasted together with Maror, so that one should experience both the bitterness of slavery and the joy of freedom. In times of freedom, we remember the bitterness of slavery; in times of oppression, we keep alive the hope of freedom. It is due to this symbolism that Hillel’s practice of eating Matzah and Maror together has such an important message for us today.

All present eat sandwich of Matzah, Charoset and Maror.

BEITZAH

Reader: Why do we put a symbolic egg on the Seder plate? The egg is a symbol of springtime, fertility and the giving of life. It also tells us that the longer things are in hot water, the tougher they become. Such is the case in the “oppression cooker” of life.

TAPUZ

Reader: Why do we have an orange on the Seder plate? Dr. Susannah Heschel offered the orange as a symbol of all Jews’ fruitfulness, representing the contributions gay Jews make as active members in Jewish life, and to ‘spit out’ traditional Judaism’s homophobia and heterosexism after attending a Seder where a crust of bread was added to the Seder plate in response to a rebbetzin’s assertion that gay women had no place in Judaism.

Leader: Oranges also have many segments to represent that all people, no matter any difference they have, contribute toward creating the greater whole. They are thick-skinned, symbolizing the scars many people have, whether emotional, physical, or both of the above, because they are GLBT. Their thick skin makes them hard to peel, reminding us that freedom is gained in many small steps rather than coming all at once. However, once we have freedom it is, like the juice of the orange, sweet and gratifying.

ברוכה אתה יי אלוהינו רוח העולם, בורא פרי העץ.

(Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Ruach Haolam, boray p’ri haeitz)

Eat orange segment.

ZAIEET

Reader: Why is there an olive on the Seder plate? After the flood, Noach’s dove returned with an olive branch as a sign that the earth was habitable once more. Today ancient olive groves are destroyed by violence, making a powerful symbol of peace into a casualty of war.

Leader: We keep an olive on our Seder plate as an embodied prayer for peace in the Middle East and every place where war destroys lives and prevents others from enjoying the hopes and freedoms we celebrate this evening.

♫ (Oseh shalom bimromav, hu yaaseh shalom aleinu, v’al kol Israel, ve’imru amein) ♫

KARPAS SHENI

Leader: Some Seder feats start with a hard-boiled egg to represent the new life of springtime. As a vegan alternative, we are starting our feast with a second sprig of parsley according to the following anecdote:

Once, we dipped the parsley in salt water and it tasted unusual. My cousin Rachael and her sister Robin had traded the salt water for sugar water, believing that freedom should taste sweet. (recalled by Abby Cantor)

To remember this simple truth and honour the innocence of childhood, we start our meal with a second sprig of parsley, though now dipped in sugar water, to savour the sweetness of freedom.

(Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Ruach haolam, boray p’ri haadamah.)

Take the parsley, dip it into the sugar water and eat it.

SHULCHAN OREICH

Enjoy the meal!!

TZUFAN

Reader: Our meal is not complete until we distribute the dry crumbs of wandering and share the afikoman. With the taste of promise in our mouths we continue our journey.

All eat some matzah.

BAREICH

Pour the third cup.

Leader: Saying grace is an act of great importance. To be able to eat and drink is a possibility as extraordinary as crossing the Red Sea. We don’t recognize the miracle this represents because we have short memories and we-for now-live in a world that has plenty of everything. Those living in less fortunate nations recognize that satisfying one’s hunger is a marvel…the route which bread travels from the earth it grows in to the mouth that eats it is a perilous journey, hardly different than crossing the Red Sea.

Reader: Even if our were filled with song as the sea

Our tongues with rejoicing as the waves

Our lips with praise like the breadth of the horizon

Our eyes brilliant like the sun and the moon

Our arms outspread as eagles' wings

Our feet as swift as fawns’

It would not be enough to thank You, our God of eternity and eternities.

Leader: From Your abundance comes our food,

From Your delight our wine.

We’ve satisfied our hungers God,

As in Your great design.

With love and thanks we bless Your name

And praise You with our song.

May all on earth bless You, the One

To whom we all belong.

KOS SH’LISHI

Lift cup and recite:

Leader: I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with great acts of judgement.

All: This is the promise of redemption. God’s arm extends to everyone; none is beyond God’s grasp. When we reach out to others redemption starts.

(Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Ruach haolam, boray p’ri hagafen.)

All drink.

SERIFAT HA’OMER (*if Seder occurs during second evening of holiday)

Reader: On this evening, we celebrate our freedom from slavery; in fifty days we will celebrate our acceptance of the Torah’s teachings. Counting the Omer reminds us that we are freed not only from, but also toward. Pesach and Shavuot are linked stages on our collective journey to mature, thinking, engaged Jewishness: we must have freedom in order to accept the joyful responsibility of connecting with God and healing the world.

(Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Ruach haolam, asher kidshanu b’mitzvotav, v’tzivanu al serifat ha’omer.

Hayom yom echad la’omer.)

KOS MIRYAM, KOS ELIYAHU

Lift Miriam’s cup and recite:

Leader: Miriam is always present. She is here to provide healing, inspiration and wisdom. Her waters sustain us as we look toward the Messianic Age, flowing into wells around the world as Shabbat ends each Saturday evening.

Reader: A long journey awaits us if we want to have total freedom. Miriam calls us to work for-rather than wait for-that day. She sustains us with the most basic substance on earth-water that cleanses and heals. She lifts our hearts as she leads us once again in music.

♫And the women dancing with their timbrels, Followed Miriam as she sang her song, Sing a song to the One whom we've exalted, Miriam and the women danced and danced the whole evening.

And Miriam was a weaver of unique variety The tapestry she wove was one which sang our history. With every strand and every thread she crafted her delight! A woman touched with spirit, she dances toward the light.

(Chorus)

When Miriam stood on the shores and gazed across the sea The wonder of this miracle she soon came to believe. Whoever thought the sea might split with an outstretched hand And we would pass to freedom and march to the promised land?

(Chorus)

And Miriam the prophet took her timbrel in her hand, And all the women followed her just as she had planned, And Miriam raised her voice in song- She sang with praise and might- We've just lived through a miracle, we’re going to dance tonight!!

(Chorus) ♫

Leader: We now drink from Miriam’s cup, the nurturing waters of her well.

ברוכה אתה יי אלוהינו רוח העולם, שהכול נהיה בדברו.

(Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Ruach haolam shehachol nihyeh bidvaro.)

All sip water of Miriam’s cup as it circulates around the table.

Leader: We traditionally call on Elijah because our texts tell us that he will herald the messianic age. Since redemption will only come when we all work together, we each contribute to Elijah's cup.

Pour a bit of your juice into Elijah’s cup as it circulates around the table.

Reader: Finally, we open the door to welcome Elijah and Miriam, cultivating that capacity in ourselves which allows us to welcome and befriend-within and without. As we recognize and remember our suffering, when we were strangers in the land of Egypt, our capacity for compassion and community building deepens and we symbolically welcome any stranger who might arrive.

We open our doors and our hearts to welcome visionaries and prophets, Elijah and Miriam, to our homes.

Open the door and rise as you can to welcome Elijah and Miriam.

♫ Eiliyahu hanavi, Eiliyahu hatishbi; Eiliyahu, (3X) hagiladi♫

♫ Miryam han’viah oz v’zimrah b’yadah. Miryam tirkod itanu l’hagdil zimrat olam♫

Reader: We remember and welcome Idit too. She cried out after witnessing the destruction of her enemies, turning into salt for shedding so many tears. She was once known simply as Lot’s wife and remembered for her act of disobedience, having turned out of compassion for life destroyed. Come, Idit, to our Seder and teach us deeds of loving-kindness.

Close the door.

HALLEL

Pour the fourth cup.

Leader: We have opened the door to the future. With words of praise set to music we celebrate the presence of the Holy One among us today and in the days to come.

כל הנשמה תהלל יה הללויה

♫ (Kol haneshema Tehallel Yah Halleluyah {3X}) ♫

הללויה שיר נשרה הבה

♫ (Havah nashirah, shir Halleluyah {3X})♫

הוֹדוּ לַיהוָה כִּי-טוֹב: כִּי לְעוֹלָם חַסְדּוֹ.

יֹאמַר-נָא יִשְׂרָאֵל: כִּי-טוֹב: כִּי לְעוֹלָם חַסְדּוֹ.

יֹאמְרוּ-נָא בֵית-אַהֲרֹן: כִּי-טוֹב: כִּי לְעוֹלָם חַסְדּוֹ.

♫ (Hodu l’Adonai, ki tov. Ki l’olam chasdo, ki l’olam chasdo

Yomarna Israel ki tov. Ki l’olam chasdo, ki l’olam chasdo

Yomruna veit Aaron ki tov, Ki l’olam chasdo, ki l’olam chasdo) ♫

כמלכנו אין כמושיענו אין כאדונינו אין כאלהינו אין

♫ (Ein kelohenu, ein kadonenu, ein kemalkenu, ein kemoshi’enu

Non komo muestro Dio, Non komo muestro Senyor,

Non komo muestro Rey, Non komo muestro Salvador.) ♫

כמושיענו מי כמלכנו מי כאדונינו מי כאלהינו מי

♫ (Mi cheloheinu, Mi chadoneinu, Mi chemalkeinu, Mi chemoshi’einu,

Kein komo muestro Dio, Kein komo muestro Senyor,

Kein komo muestro Rey,Kein komo muestro Salvador.) ♫

-----------------------------------------

למושיענו נודה למלכנו נודה לאדונינו נודה לאלהינו נודה

♫ (Nodeh leloheinu, Nodeh ladoneinu, Nodeh lemalkeinu, Nodeh lemoshi’einu,

Loaremos a muestro Dio, Loaremos a muestro Senyor,

Loaremos a muestro Rey, Loaremos a muestro Salvador.) ♫

-------------------------------------------------

מושיענו ברוך מלכנו ברוך אדונינו ברוך אלהינו ברוך

♫ (Baruch Elohenu, Baruch Adonenu, Baruch Malkenu, Baruch Moshi’einu Bendicho muestro Dio, Bendicho muestro Senyor,

Bendicho muestro Rey, Bendicho muestro Salvador. )♫

------------------------------------------------

מושיענו הוא אתה מלכנו הוא אתה אדונינו הוא אתה אלהינו הוא אתה

♫ (Atah hu Elohenu, Atah hu Adonenu, Atah hu Malkenu, Atah hu Moshi’einu.

Tu sos muestro Dio, Tu sos muestro Senyor.

Tu sos muestro Rey, Tu sos muestro Salvador.)♫

KOS RIVI

Lift cup and recite:

Leader: I will take you to be my people and I will be your God.

All: This is the promise of covenant. God has kept this promise for five thousand years, so may we keep our commitments to others, building connections of justice and integrity.

(Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Ruach haolam, boray p’ri hagafen.)

All drink.

NIRTZAH

Reader: It is traditional to conclude a Seder with L’shanah habaah b’Yerushalayim. It speaks to a feeling of exile which characterized the Jewish Diaspora for centuries, but now that the State of Israel exists, the call is different. What are the chances that we will all be in Jerusalem in a year? Wouldn’t we rather be together?

However, the meaning of the word Yerushalayim shows its name has a double meaning. Its root can be read as Ir Shalem (“City of Wholeness”) or Ir Shalom (“City of Peace”).

No matter where we are, or our political leanings, we can all slip into exile from the state of wholeness and unity which only connection with our Source can provide. No matter where we are in a year, may we be whole and at peace.

Leader: Our Seder is now complete, the ritual fulfilled. Tonight we passed through ancient doors and made our way toward freedom. Nourished by story and song we joined our ancestors in praise. Memory opened our hearts; hope was sweet on our tongues. May we enter these doors again in years to come.

All: May slavery give way to freedom.

May hate give way to love.

May ignorance give way to wisdom.

May despair give way to hope.

May everyone, everywhere, live in total freedom in a year!

#haggadah #seder #pesach #god #gay #genderqueer #heterosexism #glbt #vegan

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