#As always - lemme know if there are better ways to phrase things

[royalarchivist]

Dono: [Asking him how long he think he'd last if he was an Egg]

Roier: Un Huevito... [A little egg] I wouldn’t die. Well, if I had lag, then yeah. No, I think I would be dead then, because- I mean, if I have lag, I'm going to die. Nah, I'll die in one day for sure. BUT– I would be the most badass Egg in the universe. It’s true. I would be the best Egg, the most handsome, with the biggest ass. I mean, I think my Egg would have a lot of hair, I would have an ass like some lumps. And well, a sweatshirt, a red sweatshirt. The best Egg–

Roier: Make me a little Egg! Guys, why can't I stop being a player and be a little Egg? I want to be an Egg. ��

[ceilidho]

prompt: IKEA soap/reader fic. PART 4. (read 1, 2, 3) tags: dubcon; nsfw

-

You only realize after the fact that you may have miscalculated in thinking that this could be a one-time thing between the two of you. 

After listening to Johnny bitch and moan during the Christmas party about having to take time off work to spend the holidays with his very religious family, you delude yourself into thinking you’ll finally be able to have some peace and quiet around the store. Not literally, of course. Working during the holidays is always a recipe for exhaustion—parents coming in at the last minute to demand toys that have long since sold out, fights breaking out in every other aisle as customers fight for the last palatable set of Christmas ornaments and boxed fruit cake. 

You’re not delusional enough to think that work will be a piece of cake, but you are selfishly a little happy that you’ll finally get some time to breathe without Johnny hovering over your shoulder at all hours of your shift. Seasonal shoppers are as exhausting as always, but you get to sit alone in the breakroom with a cup of coffee in the morning right before your shift without someone staring at you or breathing into your personal bubble. 

Johnny spends his entire time off blowing up your phone, sending you pictures of his childhood home, calling you during your breaks, and sending you weird videos that seem to have been filmed entirely in the dark where you can’t see or hear anything apart from some weird squeaks and one loud grunt at the very end of the video that sounds kind of like—you close the video.

You spend the first few days of January dreading his return. The day of is like a shock to your nervous system, the whole morning spent pouring coffee with a trembling hand. 

“Hiya gorgeous,” he purrs when you clock in for your shift. You’re somewhat used to Johnny sneaking up behind you, so you don’t flinch this time when you feel the length of his body press up against you at the time clock. 

“Johnny, it’s seven in the morning,” you mutter out through pursed lips, shoulders stiff when he puts his hands on them and digs his thumbs into the tender points of your back. You bite back a moan.

“Missed ye, kitten. Cannae believe I went a whole week without hearing you purr.”

He could’ve phrased that a thousand other ways, but he just had to choose the one that would make you wince. He digs his thumbs in again, trying to push the moan out of you, but you tamp it down. You hold back a shudder when he plants his nose onto the crown of your head and inhales, drawing your scent into his lungs. 

“Where’ye assigned ta today? Jeff owes me a favour—gonna ask him if I can spend the day with ye so we can catch up.” 

You go still when he drops a firm kiss to the side of your head. “I’m…not sure. I haven’t checked the schedule yet.” It’s a half-lie. You may not have checked the schedule yet, but you know from having briefly chatted with your manager this morning in the parking lot where you’ll be spending most of your day.

Still, it means that you get to shake off Johnny for a bit. “Lemme go check for ye, okay, hen? Stay here, a’right?”

You watch him jog off down the hall to the breakroom before finally leaving. It’ll be better for you if you’re gone before he comes back. 

The first hour of your day is spent on softlines until Priya in jewellery randomly comes down with a chill and gets sent home early, forcing you to cover her section. Usually that wouldn’t be such a bad deal—it means you get to spend your shift helping people try on bracelets and rings, restocking the earring display, and leaning against the counter for hours at a time. It’s not a particularly busy station.  

While you're assigned to the jewellery section though, Johnny pops out of nowhere as you're helping a customer contemplating a birthday ring for his fiancé. With the kind of confidence that you’ve come to expect from Johnny, he uses your hand to model some of the rings, but this time it feels oddly weirdly intense. When he slides the first ring onto your finger, you can feel the way he holds his breath, even shudders a bit. He presses himself right up against you behind the display counter, hardness pressing against your hip. 

It doesn’t take long for your customer to leave. Johnny’s demeanour is off-putting, concerning even. You can’t fault the guy for being rightfully repulsed by the way Johnny crowds up against you like you’re alone together. 

“What are you doing?” you hiss through your teeth.

“Cannae help it, hen. I ken ye wanna wait, but it jus’ makes me a bit emotional seein’ my girl wearing a ring I put on.”

He blinks down at you with big, blue eyes, the picture of innocence. You should’ve anticipated there being a danger in letting Johnny stew over that on his own. Of course he’d come to his own conclusions, even one as deranged as thinking of your hook up as a step towards dating. You can’t help but side eye him. 

“We—we’re not a couple, Johnny.”

He cocks an eyebrow. “Ye just let anybody eat you out in the supply closet then? S’that right?” It’s said rhetorically, like he knows the answer already. You flinch at the slight though.

“That was—” you cut yourself off to take a breath, an ache growing behind your forehead, “—that was a…it was a one-time thing. You can’t just act like we’re dating.”

His lips turn down in a pout, displeasure rippling across his face. You brace yourself for the inevitable argument, for shit to hit the fan, because obviously that’s what’s brewing under the surface. You brace yourself for worse too because when you happen to glance around, you realize how few people are actually milling around in the area. 

Then, instead of losing his temper, Johnny’s eyes grow smoky, heavy-lidded, and the pout lifts into a lazy, playful grin. “A’right, kitty, no’ dating then. That’s fine wi’ me.”

This time it’s you that frowns, staring up at him dubiously. “…Really?” It feels too sudden, quicksilver. Johnny’s fiery by nature, short tempered on his best days and more likely to grit his teeth and bear the displeasure of not getting his way than happily giving into it. His sudden smile is at odds with the version of him that exists in your mind, furious at you for denying him. 

Maybe you’ve got him all wrong. 

The gleam in his eye betrays nothing, however. “I swear.” He leans closer to you then, fingers fiddling with the name tag pinned over your chest on your work vest, straightening it. “Doesnae mean we have ta give the rest up though. Ye liked what we did in the closet, right, hen?”

It feels like he’s sucked the air out of the room, as big as it is. “I thought we weren’t going to talk about that.”

“Och, c’mon, kitty,” Johnny breathes, hunching just a little over and into your space, making the moment feel private, just the two of you. “Had to talk about it eventually. Did ye just expect that everything would go back to normal after ye let me eat ye out? Hey—” he catches you when you try to make a move to step away from him, wrapping a big hand around your wrist and tugging you closer to him, “—listen, kitty—it doesnae have to be anything serious, right? That’s what’s making ye all jumpy and nervous? I’ll lick your pussy, free of charge. Dinnae need any labels. How’s that sound, kitty? Dick on demand?”

It should repulse you. The way he speaks to you is crass, crude. His voice is hushed, haggard, fur stretched taut over stone—and yet, your hands tremble, just a little. It tempts you. Purring Scottish burr, lapis lazuli eyes, bristle cheeks that you still remember scraping up your inner thighs. He’s a package you can’t imagine sending back.

“You won’t get…you promise not to get weird about it?” you ask.

His smile curls up, impish. “Cross my heart, kitten.”

Maybe you’re delusional enough to think that you can have your cake and eat it too. There’s a voice in your head telling you to face the facts, but you disregard it as if you haven’t been working with Johnny for months. As if you aren’t aware of his penchant for saying or doing anything to get his way. It’s maybe naive of you. 

All you know is that he smothers a laugh when you tell him you’ll think about it. Knows he’s got you right where he wants.

You don’t fight when he drags you into the single-stall bathroom towards the end of your shift, letting him position you in front of the mirror before sinking to his knees behind you. Forces you to watch the way you come apart on his tongue, not giving you his fingers until you beg him to, the whispered plea a hairsbreadth away from becoming a scream. 

“Oh, did she miss me?” Johnny breathes, a happy laugh in his voice when he runs the broad side of his tongue over your entrance from the back. “Fuck, look at that. Winked at me ‘n everythin’. Hi darling, missed ye too.”

You don’t think you’ll ever be the same after hearing that come out of his mouth. You go hot all over again when you clench involuntarily, equal parts turned on and horrified. He sniggers before trying to cram his whole tongue up into you. 

There’s a moment of panic when Johnny draws up behind you after making you come and you hear him undo his pants. There’s nowhere for you to go with your pants still looped around your ankles, underwear pulled all the way down as well. You hear yourself hiss a startled Johnny when he slots a fat cock between your thighs, staring dumbly at the reflection of him behind you. At your back, he seems massive, lean and trim but towering over you, broad. 

He shushes you. “Dinnae be selfish, hen—gotta get mine too. Jus’ gonna fuck your thighs, dinnae fret.”

You squeak when he pushes your thighs together forcefully, dragging his cock over your folds to wet himself. Watching Johnny fuck is nothing like staring down at him when he eats you out. He pants harsh and ragged into the side of your head, nips at your ear. The glint in his eyes goes animalistic, vacant. Human desire recedes, subsumed into the animal part of his brain with the single-minded need to fuck. 

The only thing keeping him from driving up into you, accidentally or not, is the way you keep your thighs pressed together. A warm, tight channel for him to push his cock into. Thick fingers dig into your waist, sure to leave bruises. You wince when lean hips pound against your backside, growing frantic as need overtakes him. You flirt at the edge of panic, certain that at any second, he’ll pull your thighs apart and nudge the head of his cock up into you. 

“Jus’ like that, fuck,” he grunts. “Be a good little fuckin’ girl and jus’ let me—”

His tongue lolls out on a particularly rough thrust, hands groping over your belly and up to your chest, slipping his hand under your shirt and bra to pinch your nipple. He twists it mean, nasty, until you have no choice but to grunt through grit teeth, eyes watering. You feel like a doll meant for his pleasure, no choice but to grip the sides of the sink and let Johnny use you until he comes. 

“Fuck,” Johnny groans, eyes going half-lidded. “Love makin’ this pussy come. Love gettin’ her all messy and wet. Lettin’ me between your thighs even when I make ye nervous—fuck, ‘m gonna come, ‘m gonna—fuck, fuck, fuck—”

White come stripes the sink in front of you, thick and viscous. Paints the inside of your thighs as well when he drags his hips back until just the head of his cock sits nestled up against your sex. Hyperconscious of where it tags your inner lips, that there’s no barrier between the two of you, just come and skin. 

The full body shake shocks you, a ripple from your heels to the top of your head. 

His free hand grasps you by the hair when you try to slip away. “Ye gonna clean up your mess, baby?”

You glance back up at his reflection in the mirror, trying to suss him out. Shark-like eyes meet yours. Something you’ve seen in glances before finally staring back at you with full force. You reach for the paper towel dispenser with a shaking hand. 

“Nah,” Johnny scolds, giving you a shake. “With your mouth.”

The command hangs in the air, no joke or laugh to undercut it. His eyes read serious to you, still dark. No leniency present in the blue. 

You stare down at his come on the sink, slack-jawed. “You don’t seriously mean—”

“Jus’ kidding, silly,” he chuckles, giving a teasing bite to your earlobe and tugging. The tension in the air disperses. “Got ye, huh?” 

You force a laugh. “Yeah…got me.”

[doki-doki-imagines]

Not sure if you take requests but could you write about Shang Tsung (and others) with breeding kink?🙏

feat. Shang Tsung, Bi-Han, Liu Kang, Syzoth (aka the guy I think would be into it)

tw: smut, afab!reader

author note: requests are open! It's been a while since I wrote smut, I hope you'll like these.

Shang Tsung: -He is staining your soul, putting his seed of evil into you. -The thought gives him goosebumps, his right hand keeping your leg up and open wide, while to other play with your nipple and at the same time pushes your back against his front. -The hand that way playing with your chest slides lower, now drawing patterns on your tummy that in a few month will be round and full. -Shang Tsung bites his lower lip, and close tight his eyes, it's a sinful thought that is bringing him too fast to the end. -"Let me cum inside, you want it too right? You always tell me, don't you remember?" He whispers into your ear, voice weavering at each of his thrust in your core. -You seriously don't remember ever telling him that, but you nod, too fucked, too lost in the throes of pleasure to formulate a coherent thought. -"I knew it, you will be an excellent brood mare." He smirks, wide and wicked. -Shang Tsung almost hope he didn't impregnate you this time, the idea so good he wants to try again and again. -Not that he will stop anyway…

Bi-Han: -He is the Grandmaster, you know? He needs heirs! -But Bi-Han isn't doing this to follow orders, his eyes liquid lust while looking at your soft body, phrases way too broken and badly formulated to be of a man following his duty. -"I'll make you full of my cum, I'll fuck you so good-" The sudden grip of your core make Bi-Han stops in his track, lost in the pleasure of your pussy suiting his cock like a glove. -It's not like you are doing any better, legs up his shoulders, hands scratching his biceps the only stable thing to keep you anchored to this moment, mind wandering in the sea of bliss at each of his hard thrusts. -Bi-Han can't stop thinking of your chest, filled to the brim with milk, soft and round begging to be touched, nipples hard desperate for some attention, tummy full of yours and his child. -His mind plays a dirty trick and he cums with just one last thrust, falling on top of you, groaning into your neck, while he fills you with his cum. -"Keep it all in, don't make a single drop fall."

Liu Kang: -He waited his entire life to be in peace and in love. Now it's time to step up the game. -The idea of you carrying his baby, your entire body glowing of happiness make his brain vessels close really fast, blood flowing to his crotch pathetically fast. -That's why now you are on your hands and knees, taking him like a champ, his thrusts hard and fast, the fat of your ass red from the slaps you counted a minute ago, the sound you are both making obscenely lewd. -Liu Kang isn't a gentleman. He is a man with a goal that he needs to accomplish if he doesn't want to become crazy. -Something that you already are, tears running down your face, drool escaping your open mouth, moans escaping freely. -"Please, lemme cum-" You sob "I've been good." You gasp out. -Liu Kang whines after hearing your voice. You always sound so good, and he is too weak to you. -"Take it all, my darling, you can do it. I know it." He prompts you on, close to the end himself. -And you do, not even a sound escapes your mouth, too tired and desperate, total opposite of Liu Kang whom cum into you, an high pitched moan blessing your ears. -You lay down, knees and arms weak after the intense session, trying to stabilise your breath, while your lover stay behind you, pulling out and admiring his work. -Liu Kang notices some cum rolling down your core, so he scoop it up with his index and middle finger to plunge it inside you again, earning him a whine. -"Don't waste any of it, keep it inside. It's holy, you know?"

Syzoth: -He gets a bit insane thinking of you having his kids, honestly. -That's why for the longest time, Syzoth won't say anything and keep this thought for himself, ashamed you may get scared. -But then he finds out you share his kink and his wall drop. But he'll ask to repeat yourself because Syzoth thinks his intrusive thought pulled a bad joke on him. -Syzoth prefers to enjoy his kink when he isn't in "heat", when his mind is a bit more stable and he can control himself a bit more. You tell him he is fine either way, but please respect his decision one step at a time. -Doesn't mean Syzoth won't rock your world anyway; you should know how hot your shy boy is. -Syzoth would bite your neck, tell him if he is being too rough, he may not be in "heat," but the blood isn't pumping only in his brain right now. -Don't tap out! For lizards, it means you are being submissive, and it is like an okay sign to keep going, Syzoth didn't agree on a safe word with you just for fun. -"You are so fucking big-" You turn your head back as best as you can, face still pushed into the mattress, voice almost a little whine "Fill me up, please cum inside!" -Syzoth doesn't have to mind to reply, but he understands enough to act, filling you to the brim, the idea of your full tummy and soft glow the last push he needed.

[orikiys]

✿ ✿ 〞 domestic acts of love with skz

✰ pairings : ot8!skz x fem!reader

✰ genre: romance, fluff

✰ warnings: mentions of kissing, fluff, lemme know if there’s any!

✰ word count: 1.3k + words

౨₊ৎ chan — always makes sure your seatbelt is put on right

lately you’ve begun noticing the not-so-little gestures he does. the two of you would be randomly singing songs when you would feel him lean in and adjust your seat belt. this has happened not once, not thrice but on a daily basis. it’s his way of saying that you’re one of the most important persons in his life. it might also be the way he is constantly worried and can’t stop himself to check on you even when he’s the one that dropped you of. it’s sweet. it’s also heart fluttering. one might think that he’s going to stop at some point, but instead the list of these little gestures keeps increasing. just like his love for you.

౨₊ৎ minho — sitting on his lap

you would just be standing in front of him and he would swiftly grab you by the waist before making you sit on his lap. be it a bad day, a good day, a could be better day, this man won’t hesitate to not make you sit on his lap. he loves it when you sit on his lap especially when he’s watching tv or when he’s playing on his pc. he finds that with you by his side, days seem to be a lot more merrier. he loves to give you kisses on your shoulder as he watches the tv. he would absentmindedly trace his fingers on your lower back and mutter sweet things to you. he takes pride over the faint touch of red that spreads over your cheeks and your little giggles when he accidentally tickles you. he finds it all too adoring. you, your laugh and that stupid little grin on his face that spreads every time you’re on his lap.

౨₊ৎ changbin — puts your hand in his pocket when it’s cold

changbin loves the way your soft and tiny hands feel against him. he often grabs your hand randomly and brushes his thumb against yours, tracing shapes and leaning down to give soft kisses on your knuckles. he would stare at your hand intertwined with his and smile to himself every time he gets reminded of the fact that you chose him. when the temperature would suddenly drop he would immediately grab your freezing cold hands and put it the pocket of his puffed jacket. he knows that you catch cold pretty easily, which is why health is a priority. he would rub his hands around yours or blow into them in hopes he’s doing a good job al making you feel warmer. he would tuck you with blankets, ensuring that no cold enters and would even often to stay up for a while just to make sure you don’t catch a cold. changbin also loves the way you link your pinky finger with his while walking or when you would compare hand sizes with him. it’s cute, he thinks. it’s an amazing feeling, he thinks. it’s the sigh of love, he knows it very well thanks to you.

౨₊ৎ hyunjin — opening car doors for you

be it the way he started it after seeing a video online or the way he finds that the most precious part of your dates with him is when he would open the door for you. there’s a shy smile on his face everytime he does it. hyunjin would make sure that if you’re wearing a long dress, the fabric doesn’t get stuck when he closes the door. at times when you are tired after a long day, he would carry you in his arms, slowly and carefully lifting you out of the car and making his way to your home. it’s also the way that he would open not only the car doors, but also doors of restaurants, stores or anywhere in general. he truly believes in the phrase ‘ladies first’. there’s a teasing smile on your face each time he does it just like an inside joke. it’s funny how he would low-key be embarrassed when he’s around his friends and he opens the door for you out of habit. he knows very well that he’s going to be teased, but what matters is that the habit should not be abandoned.

౨₊ৎ han — lends you his clothes ( very ) often

jisung once found out that you love wearing his clothes as much as he loves seeing you in them. from that day onwards he would purposely leave a few hoodies at your place knowing very well that you would wear it more than once. but he would feel disheartened when you return his clothes, washed and clean. with no scent of yours. he would keep more clothes at your place and the cycle continues until you finally expose him. with an embarrassed smile, he would cover his face and mumble how he likes your lingering scent on his clothes. and so the pact started. he would lend you his clothes and in return you would give him your perfume so he could spray it on his pillow covers just to make it smell like you. so that it reminds him of you, every time he goes to sleep.

౨₊ৎ felix — bakes for you

felix is like your personal mood detector. he knows when you’re feeling like not doing anything, he knows when your mind is elsewhere, he knows the way you bite your lower lip when you feel sad, he knows it all. which is why he tries his best to make you smile, sincerely. he would ( not so ) secretly bake brownies early in the morning and even though you heard the ding of the oven, you would play pretend. other times you would just stare at him baking and admire his features along with his own little masterchef series where he pretend to be the chef and tell you the ingredients and walk you through the recipe. but most importantly, he would eagerly watch your expression as you bite into the brownie. and of course, it turns out great! he couldn’t have been happier upon seeing you dig in impatiently. it’s like all his hard work really did pay off.

౨₊ৎ seungmin — doesn’t leave or let you go out without a peck

it’s no longer a secret to you no matter how he tries to hide the way his nose would scrunch up in disappointment every time you forget to give him a kiss. making it a mental reminder you would instantly rush back to him, grabbing him by his collar and pressing your lips against his before hurrying out. you know the soft smile that’s on his face everytime he gazes into yours for a couple of seconds before pecking your lips. it’s like a good luck charm. and when something bad did happen throughout his day, he would blame that the kiss ended earlier. it’s silly how this one habit of his has stuck along from the first few months into your relationship to now. it’s like a special way of saying bye to him. even when the two of you needed to head somewhere or go on solo trips, kisses would still apply! it’s a priority and. the proper way into kim seungmin’ heart.

౨₊ৎ jeongin — gives you hand-written letters

it started with the way he confessed, like a high-school sweetheart you got letters in the mail, outside your apartment, in little bouquets, around the house and most frequently, handed personally to you. you wouldn’t even think of complaining as you would be lying if you said the letters didn’t make your heart flutter. it was a feeling and you could see the amount of dedication and love that he put into each one of them. you kept each one of them, carefully wrapped up in a box and re-read them whenever you felt like it. it was not often that you didn’t receive his letters, so you grew worried when you didn’t receive letters for a week just for him to come to your house and give it to you. ever since, the two of you were inseparable.

[melancholiaincarnate]

hell-bent

warnings: brief descriptions of pain and injuries

note: helloo :3 this is another little ficlet to this fic . im going to make a series masterlist - eventually - but i cannot be bothered to do so right now. anyways - if u wanna see more of them lmk or send in requests hehehehehe

"oh she is the cutest!" feyre swoons, her arms extending towards the child that's hiding behind temperance.

"say hi, piper." you look down and behind your legs to where the girl is clutching onto your pant thighs. though she's got a small fear in her eyes, she still peeks out slightly, taking in the view of your family. five very intense pairs of eyes stare back at her. "it's okay, pip." you whisper, "they're my family."

"hello everyone." she says softly, her voice no higher than the squeak of a small kitchen mouse. "where's azzy?" she questions, looking up and big eyes stare at you.

rhys looks at feyre, a knowing smirk playing upon his face, and a matching one on hers. they've both got that look in their eyes that they get when they're communicating through the bond - you roll your eyes knowing that they're never going to let azriel live down the nickname.

"he'll be here soon. he's just a little busy right now." you smooth down her hair with a gentle hand and she frowns, stepping behind you more as cassian approaches, a grin on his features.

"since when do you have a kid?" he questions, crouching down to eye level with piper. he cranes his neck to attempt to see her but she tucks herself behind you even more. "ooh! lemme guess the father. lemme guess - it's az, isn't it! i always knew you two were fucking."

"she's not mine. and watch your mouth." you huff, kicking cassian lightly and he topples over. "remember the mission rhys sent me on?" cassian nods from his spot on the floor. "i found her." you wince at your choice of words - you definitely could've phrased that better. piper seems to be unaffected by your words, instead choosing to let her shadows sniff out cassian.

"what do you mean you found her? you can't just take people's kids, dude. that's super illegal." cassian scoffs, "how do you 'find' a kid and just take her? rhys, that has to be illegal-" he sits up, but his eyes furrow as he sees little tendrils of black whirling around his arms. "isn't that-"

"there's another shadowsinger in velaris." rhys muses from his spot at the table. "we thought it best for her to come here and train here with our shadowsinger."

"so you just.. took her?" cassian looks bewildered, "dude.. this high lord shit has to have some rules to it. you can't just take kids!" he stands up, stretching, before peeking around your legs to see pip staring back at him. "hi." he grins, "i'm cassian." then, he bends down to whisper, "i'm kind of the coolest one here. everyone else here sucks."

"pip, don't listen to him. he's a moron." you sigh and hear little giggles from behind you, whispers of shadows trailing up your arms. there was one shadow though, that stayed nestled in your neck. it didn't belong to the girl, no, it was one of azriel's shadows that had seemed to take a strong liking to you and preferred you over its master.

"you're very silly mr. cassian." she comments, peeking out a little more. you're grateful for cassian's resolve and the things he's seen - you don't know what you'd do if he made piper feel any worse about her current condition. you don't know what azriel would do if he found out that someone dared look at piper with disgust.

piper steps out and the inner circle holds their breaths. her left eye has a deep scratch on it that stretches from her eyebrow to right underneath her eye. it seems to be healing well, but it settles painfully in everyone's gut to see such a large scar on a pure face.

the rest of her face is filled with smaller scratches. thankfully ones that won't scar. no one's seen it yet - but if piper turned around there would be a missing pair of wings on her back.

no one comments. based on the way cassian and rhys look - they're ready to kill whoever did this to this girl, and they'd only known her for less than an hour. even nesta, normally cold-faced, looks full of anger.

piper pulls on your pant leg and points to the table. you hold her hand and her limping does not go unnoticed by your family. she's relearning to walk without the weight of her wings - and feyre's eyes widen once she realizes.

piper's movements are stiff and the table is silent. for the first time in years, the entire house is silent.

conversation starts up as you help pile food onto piper's plate. despite her condition, her eyes still sparkle with glee. as soon as she puts her first spoon in her mouth, the door to the dining room opens and piper turns quickly,.

"azzy!" everyone is blown back by how loud her shriek is. they're even more surprised at how fast she manages to sprint across the dining room and into azriel's arms, despite her condition. "you came back!"

he picks her up, balancing her on one hip with ease. "told ya i would, pip." his voice is soft as he pats the top of her head. their shadows intertwine and zip around the two of them, as if they were doing their own catching up. "did you do your training today?"

"i did!" her movements have caught up to her and she leans against his legs for support, her breathing becoming labored. he notices, and shadows come to swirl around her legs, ready to catch her if she falls. "i walked all the way down the stairs today! by myself!"

the inner circle watches in awe as the shy little girl they'd just seen exploded into personality at the sight of the quiet and stoic spymaster. rhys smiles to himself - he knew that bringing the girl here was a good idea.

"that's great progress, pip." azriel's voice is laced with exhaustion. his eyes finally catch yours - but only because he felt the pool of your emotions in his chest. he nods softly at you, once to tell you he's okay, and he watches your shoulders relax. "tomorrow we're going to go to the healer's again. she wants to -" azriel glances at the inner court, "she wants to check up on you."

"okay." she smiles, "maybe we can walk there! and i can do it by myself this time!"

"i think you can do it, pip." azriel hums, "how about we go eat? i'm starving." he looks up at you, and smiles again, "and then we can go back to your room and finish that puzzle." "yes!" piper nods quickly, "yes, please!" she holds onto azriel's hand for support, and doesn't flinch when her hands touch his marred ones.

azriel sits between you and piper, his eyes watching every single person at the table as they interact with the girl. they may be his family, but if one person - even his own brothers, made a wrong move, he'd flip the table over. his protection for the girl ran deep - so much so that it worries him.

his shadows whisper that it's alright - his protection is justified. they whisper he'll never have to act to protect her, they'll do it for him. and they whisper that if he does have to act, it'll be justified. they whisper to him that the carnage he'd bring for this girl is justified.

so azriel lets his worries go. they're right.

[misc-obeyme]

Hi CC! ^^

So me and my Filipino ahh self had a random thought that I got from a dream. Usually when we compliment people in the language, it's almost always tied to heaven stuff — for example: "Ikaw ang panalangin ko" which can be interpreted as "you are the answer to my prayers."

Now here's the neat part: one of the ways to compliment someone in Filipino is "Hulog ka ng langit" and it generally means "you're a gift from Heaven"

HOWEVER, the literally translation is "You've fallen from Heaven." Or better yet— "Heaven Dropped You."

So imagine telling any of the OM boys, especially the Demon brothers that phrase. Like in a given scenario where MC had a hard task and they helped them like—

"Oh Thank you! Hulog ka ng Langit, Mammon!"

"E-eh? What's that supposed to mean, human?"

"It means — ..."

"???"

"Nevermind."

I think this is too much Brainrot ;-;

Anyhow, lemme know your thoughts on this ^^ And again, stay safe and healthy wherever you are :DD

Hi there, anon!

Okay. I love that. "Heaven dropped you" is just so cute and also funny.

Now of course the brothers might have a bit of confusion over this if you actually said it like that to them in a way they could understand.

I like to headcanon that some of them speak many different languages and usually I headcanon that about Satan specifically.

So I love the idea of Satan overhearing that conversation you have with Mammon and trying his best not to laugh. Because for him specifically it's probably even funnier.

I mean, they might initially take it as an insult. Like ouch MC that's kind of a sore subject! But you'd just need to explain that it's a cultural thing and they'll be like ohhh okay.

Now just imagine saying this to Diavolo or Barbatos. They'd be like please MC. I'd like to see them try~

Meanwhile, Simeon has a crisis and Luke is confused...

I'm just saying, all of these guys have a bit of a history with the whole concept of falling from heaven lol.

But I think it's an adorable phrase and I think after the initial confusion wore off, the characters would just see it as a cute quirk of yours.

[capricioussun]

Anything in your mind about Edge?

Everything in my minds about Edge <3 lemme see what might be some fun stuff I haven’t mentioned too much before

^ just got up. eepy.

He has pretty heightened senses, meaning he can be sensitive to loud sounds or strong smells or what have you. It’s why he mostly tries to use unscented cleaner when he can, and avoids louder places like concerts or movie theaters. Also why he likes wearing sunglasses on the surface so much!

Prefers cold food to hot food generally and him and Levi (Undyne) have had SO many arguments about this it’s not even funny.

I don’t know how to phrase this but he’s terrible at watching movies. He almost always fixates on the most random things and winds up missing the point of the movie or forgetting important chunks of it because he wasn’t paying attention to what was actually going on. Conversely he’d actually be really good at making them, he’s got a knack for cinematography (not that it means anything since it doesn’t really interest him lmao)

Likes smoothies better than milkshakes but likes hot chocolate better than both.

Actually a grandma fr he has to wear glasses when he crochets (Toriel taught him) and when he reads, and he always picks thin rectangular frames, so he always looks like a librarian grandma to boot wishes he understood why Sans won’t look at him when he’s wearing them

Doesn’t believe in astrology even a little bit but enjoys reading horoscopes for some reason (for every sign, he doesn’t even know what he’d be since he doesn’t know when exactly he was “born”)

A little nosy abt people he cares about but it comes from a place of looking out for them!! He likes to know how they’re doing!!! Even if he pretends like he doesn’t care (it’s so painfully obvious he does he’s such a dork)

Loves belts and buckles thinks they’re sooo cool final fantasy fashion sense (<- he’s a dork!!!)

His love for things he thinks look cool is out weighted by comfort he loves soft things way too much to ever wear anything itchy or too smooth or stiff unless necessary

[squidsandthings]

BIOLOGY???!!?!??!??!?

i have never not ever seen someone on tumblr with biology listed in their interests as a fellow biology enthusiast i demand to know more tell me more please

what kind of biology specifically?? or just in general?? is it like WOAH BIOLOGY or just haha yeah biology is cool ig (because if you can’t tell already i am very much the former biology is so awesome i am not okay)

it’s entomology for me, more specifically moths, like. aaaaa a a aaaaa a aaaaa i lovmnv them… moths….. i lovembe motjs…..

so yes SPILL BIOLOGY INFO PLEASE !! AND/OR ANYTJING ELSE YOU’D LIKE TO RANT ABOUT !! I DO NOT CARE I JUST LIKE RANTING WITH SILLY PEOPLE ON THIS SILLY SITE !!!

HIHI TY SO MUCH FOR THE ASK :DD

I love biology so much. Definitely a 'WOAH BIOLOGY' more than a "it's kinda cool ig" lol. The more I learn about biology and different fields in biology the more I fall in love with it. I just think learning the ways in which life, like, works (for lack of better phrasing) I dunno it's just so cool to learn about, and think about. All the little things that go into life.

I've always had a particular fascination with human biology. And specifically Anatomy and Physiology. As a like 1st or 2nd grader my mom got me a book which was basically very simplified anatomy and physiology and It became my personality till I started middle school. I think it's so neat to learn about something and that thing be something that's happening within you right now. One of my favorite things in my biology classes is doing labs/dissections because it's so cool to feel and touch and see the things which are actively keeping you alive. Also I'm a big fan of dendritic cells (my favorite cell <3).

I would say my interest in biology has definitely broadened in recent times. Recently I've been learning more about Ornithology. I'm trying starting bird watching and I generally think birds fucking cool as hell. I actually started learning more about Ornithology because I really like pigeons. And I wanted to learn more about birds in general, so I started watching yt videos about them and googling and now I can say that I think probably too much about Birds.

Interestingly marine biology used to be interest of mine, but it's never been my main love when it comes to biology. Which is funny since most of my online accounts are related to squid.

------------------------------------------------------------

ANYWAY THIS IS ALL BESIDES THE POINT.

the point being this gives me and excuse to talk about my true love in life...the immune system and specifically dendritic cells. I. am. so. normal. about these antigen presenting baddies. I fuckin love them. The immune system has always been the most interesting system to me as someone who spent most of their childhood in a battle to the death with their immune system. So anyway lemme tell you about my favorite cell in the human body: Dendritic Cells/DC's

(pls note i'm by no means and expert and while I like to talk about this stuff I might get stuff wrong. I just think its all neat, but my research is mostly googling and the occasional book I find on the topic, so take all of this with a grain of salt)

So the immune system. It's pretty cool. Helps keep you alive and stuff. Roughly speaking there's two sorta categories in your immune system. Your innate and your adaptive immune system.

Innate: I like to think of the innate immune system like a safety net. Generalized, Broad, but it does what it's trying to do well. It's your first line of defense. Your skin and mucous membranes are part of this, but so are cells like macrophages which can eat pathogens. Its focused on blocking and destroying, but sometimes this doesn't work and the pathogen works too fast or goes undected for too long. Then you need something more specialized to help out.

Adaptive: This is the special ops of ur immune system. They target pathogens directly by identifying them and using that to target them. Since it needs to take the time to identify the pathogen tho, it's slower, which is why the fast but generalized innate response is also important. This part of ur immune system is also why vaccines work. Certain cells in this part of ur immune system have the ability to basically remember these past infections. So next time you get sick the adaptive response can kick in right away.

So where do dendritic cells fit into this???

IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED. So, Dendritic cells are actually kinda both part of the innate an adaptive response. How? Well, I'll tell you.

So dendritic cells hang out across ur body and act like immune system watchtowers. So when a pathogen comes strolling in looking to cause trouble ur innate immune response is going to (usually) start giving it some pushback. With things like Macrophages (that eat pathogens). But as I mentioned before the innate response while fast, is nonspecific. The adaptive response is what can target pathogens directly. But how does the adaptive response even get started? Does the innate response have something to like go tell the adaptive response "Hey this is what we're dealing with wake up and go fight it"? YES. And that's the dendritic cell.

So Dendritic cells are innate immune response cells which engulf pathogens and present them on the outside of their cell membrane. Once they've done that they can actually inform the immune response against those pathogens.

How do they do this?

Why T and B cells ofc!

So once the dendritic cell has got all the details on the pathogen it travels to ur lymph tissue and activates the adaptive immune cells there. Informing the immune response based on the antigen it's presenting.

These funky antigen presenting cells are responsible for bridging the gap between your immune responses and also help in maintaining ur immune system's memory.

alright maybe you don't see how cool they are. I get it. lemme give you an example of why they're SO important. :D

I'm going to be discussing HIV. As many people know HIV attacks the immune system. Most notably through T-Cells, but also through Dendritic Cells.

You see when the HIV virus enters the body Dendritic cells are going to usually be one of the first immune cells it interacts with. Normally the Dendritic cell would take down virus and start an adaptive immune response, however the HIV virus has a way to take over Dendritic cells using their ability to travel to cell to quickly infect the adaptive immune cells the Dendritic cell normally actives. This allows the virus to more quickly decimate an immune system. The Dendritic Cells being compromised decimating much of the adaptive immune response.

Does that example kinda highlight my point?

I hope so.

But yeah these bad boy are fucking awesome and more people should be aware of them. I think they're rad.

Hope that wasn't too long of a rant...

ty again for the ask and giving me an excuse to talk about my favorite cell. :D

[debbiechanclub]

A running log of my thoughts watching Wrestle Kingdom 17

I thought about liveblogging as I watched WK17, but I didn’t want to risk opening the dash and getting anything spoiled for me as I didn’t block any tags. So, here’s a running (four-page) log of my thoughts and reactions while I watched that no one asked for.

New Japan Ranbo

Everyone freaking out on commentary about Douki and you know it's half ELP's fault

Kenta is such a menace omg

Respectfully, Mikey Nicholls looks like a generic create-a-wrestler

Aww Douki got eliminated before ELP came out. No chokey for you.

“Shingo Bullet Club confirmed,” bestie he’s in LIJ (side note I’m very much enjoying Gino on commentary)

Oh they got ELP doing Kofi shit out here now (“I’d like a hot cup of Kofi right now” lololol Kevin)

I’m glad they created a KOPW belt. Not crazy about that baby blue though.

 Antonio Inoki Memorial Match

I was gonna skip this match but didn’t out of respect for Inoki

Who is that tall-ass young boy, Gabriel Kidd? He’s bigger than most of the wrestlers

Okay, onto the main card!

IWGP Junior Heavyweight Tag Team Championship Match

I guess United Empire is my number 2 faction now that Suzuki-gun is no more

Yoh looks weird with black hair omg. It’s better though; he must have been going to the same hairstylist as Zack with that yellow-ass hair.

Not a lot of notes for this match, sorry

IWGP Women’s Championship Match

Wasn’t expecting this match yet

Why is Nakano’s entrance gear covered in Stars of David? *looks it up* Ohhh it’s a Kagome crest, which is a Shinto symbol. I learned something new today!

Kairi is so pretty. I love her gear.

As hard as these women hit, it’s interesting to me that they have extra people to help catch dives outside the ring

Kairi best elbow drop in the biz. That match was shorter than I expected/hoped.

Oh.

So, Sasha’s appearance was accidentally spoiled for me, and I don’t really feel any type of way about it. I will say that during her entrance she looked hella in her element.

She sounds nervous, which is understandable

The only thing else I’m gonna say is I wish her good luck.

IWGP Heavyweight Tag Team Championship Match

UNABASHEDLY rooting for Bishamon in this match

Dax not used to getting it back this hard (phrasing)

God bless Yoshi-Hashi I thought they were about to retain off that Big Rig

Oh JFC that was a nasty spill outside the ring

These near falls are gonna kill me they’re gonna kill me before it’s 10 am here

Yassssssssssss!!!!! *Kermit flail*

Like I’m happy for FTR that they got to live their dream of wrestling at WK, but I am so fucking glad they lost

NJPW World TV Championship Match

It’s Zacky baby’s match I want him to win I want him to win so bad!!!!!

Gino “God it looks good” about Zack’s hair, no it doesn’t, don’t lie

It looks less yellow than yesterday. That lighting in the press conference room was hella yellow. Hmmm.

That ankle lock, leg bar, whatever the fuck you call it, so nasty!!!

I’m getting used to the hair the more I look at it, lemme just close my eyes

HE WON, ZACK’S FIRST SINGLES’ TITLE IN NJPW BABEYYYYYYY

Bestie why is your reaction to winning so underwhelming, you’re still going through it, aren’t you

Maybe it’s because the belt is ugly. One thing about NJPW is they’re gonna make ugly belts (I’m sorry, it’s true).

I know fuck-all about TMDK so don’t have any thoughts on that front other than that, respectfully, Mikey Nicholls looks like a generic create-a-wrestler (RIP Suzuki-gun)

NEVER Openweight Championship Match

Say what you will about Karl, but I am LIVING for this NJPW-WWE interaction, and I want more

He’s out here trying to kill Tama

That Gun Stun wasn’t the prettiest huh

I figured Karl would lose, but I really hope this isn’t the end of WWE and NJPW working together, because that’s really all I want in wrestling

Also yay for Tama, he deserves it!!!

LIJ vs. Shota Umino, Hiroshi Tanahashi, and Keiji Muto

It always tickles me that LIJ gotta come out separately to their different songs because they’re a bunch of divas

Why don’t more people talk about Sanada? Prime blorbo material

Tanahashi protecting the elder from hurting himself lololol

I hate Dragon Screws, I hate them

Nice moment for Umino

IWGP Junior Heavyweight Championship Match

Who the fuck is making Takahashi’s entrance gear and how does he come up with this shit

@comeasyoudar I want Taiji’s coat too, we’ll steal it and take turns. He’s small, we can take him.

NJPW junior division, my beloved

THERE’S BEEN AN ALTERCATION BACKSTAGE????? IS PHIL THERE???

Naito and Umino hmmm incheresting storytelling. I honestly think NJPW needs more of that!

NJPW junior division, my beloved

BACKSTAGE UPDATE: NJPW vs NOAH shenanigans hmmmmmmmm

Lmaooo Takahashi was definitely late breaking up that pin

This was a great match, but NJPW needs more people in the junior title picture it’s been Despy, Takahashi, and Ishimori trading it off for a while now. I know COVID had a lot to do with that, so hopefully now that things are basically back to normal, hopefully there will be some fresh faces in the title hunt soon.

 IWGP U.S. Heavyweight Championship Match

So hyped for this!!!!!

Did Tanahashi do Kenny’s hair?

This music is fucking dramatic

The GOAT knee pads

This gear is pretty good as far as Kenny’s Wish tights go

Bro the exchanges between these two already, they’re so good, they’re both so good

Don calling himself an invisible hand in Kenny’s life since he was 10, dude you’re creepy

Will bouncing off the apron trying to hit that Oz Cutter, ouch.jpg

Kenny why are you taking bumps on tables like that, c’mon now

Just realized the Japanese girlies aren’t shouting “Kennnnny” like they used to

Omg that DDT on the turnbuckle brooooo that looked nasty I hope Will is okay

Not the commentators shit-talking Red Shoes for not stopping the match

Fucking hell man, these V-Triggers are making me wince

This whole match is making me wince

 It has NOT felt like 30 minutes, holy shit

Not the Styles Clash!!!!!

Ngl, kinda surprised Kenny won. He hit the One-Winged Angel and I was watching with my shocked Pikachu face like, “Is Will gonna kick out? Haters gonna be so maaaaaad”

Incredible match, and the trust these two performers had to have in each other to pull off some of these moves is insane. Yeah, they talk mad shit to each other, but there’s no doubt in my mind they respect each other.

So, so, so incredibly good and lived up to all my expectations.

 IWGP World Heavyweight Championship Match

The holographic money kimono, the hair, the pose, the determination; Okada, my beloved

Oh Jay went with the white gear huh

Gino saying that maybe only Triple H has better psychological game than Jay, God bless, I was literally thinking that as he said it

Brock Lesnar was the last gaijin to win the main event in the Tokyo Dome? Wtf

“They can chant your name now because of me!” PLEASE, Jay, omg

I love them, I want them to feud forever (but I don’t want Jay to lose here, please and thank you)

Okada is so handsome; Jay is such a rat bastard. I swear I’m so normal about them, I’m so, SO normal

Can’t get over the stark graphic visual of their black and white gear

Jesus the way Okada crumpled after that chop block to the knee scared me for a second

I am normal

Jay smirking before Okada kicked him in the head (I’m normal)

Piss off, Gedo!!!!!

Rainmaker reversed into the Bladerunner!!! Shockedpikachu.jpg

Reminder that I’m normal about these two men and their history and interconnectedness

Jay calling Okada a coward??? I want you to win this match, but I will fight you afterward

Okada is bleeding from the chops (normal)

OKADA HIT THE BLADERUNNER SHSJSAKAkashadh

!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m in a glass case of emotion

Like I wanted to Jay to retain so that the title wouldn’t bounce back to Okada; but at the same time, Okada being 1-5 against Jay would have been, with all due respect to Jay, fucking ridiculous

Soooooo *shrug*

I win either way

Because I’m normal about these two

Oh no not sad little meow meow Jay, I can’t do this again

HE’S HOLDING ONTO HIS BOOT, JAY WHY

WHAT DID HE SAY TO HIM

I AM NORMAL

Jay looks like he’s gonna cry, I actually can’t do this

I love them I want them to feud forever and ever and ever

SHINGO. I am not done PROCESSING MY EMOTIONS!!!!

Oh no now Okada’s crying talking about Inoki

Incredible, emotional, masterful, wrestling

In conclusion: I am normal.

[husbandomail-archive]

my own Christmas prompts; building snow-mons

You weren’t entirely sure how to phrase it politely.

“I think— the head should be a little bit bigger?”

Barry pouted at you and gestured to his snow-mon, moving wildly enough that it knocked a dusting of snow from his bright blond hair. “I think it’s cute! Besides— lemme see you do any better without gloves!”

Admittedly, you laughed. The two of you were out at the Verity Lakefront, kicking your way through a fresh snowfall exactly like you were kids again. Barry had, of course, been the first to delve his ungloved hands into the bright white snow; he’d haphazardly packed it together into a vague Piplup shape, with the body too long and the head too small for its chunky body. Then he’d found a twig and traced patterns across the snowballs, leaving the poor thing cross-eyed.

As your giggles subsided, Barry stuck his tongue out playfully, almost pulling you into another laughing fit.

“Fine, I’ll show you how it’s really done,”  you said, voice on the edge of arrogance. You knelt down in the snow, and as the cold began to seep through your jeans, you pulled out your old Sinnoh pokedex from where it was always tucked safely in your pocket. Piplup’s entry flickered to life on the LED screen. “Surprised you, of all trainers, don’t know what your starter looks like.”

“That’s cheatin’!” Barry huffed as he pointed at your dex. Then you saw the light come on behind his eyes. He ran his hands through his hair to shake off the rest of the settled snow. “I’m gonna make another one too, and whoever’s is worse has to buy dinner!”

You were at the Lakefront long after the sun went down.

[frogeyedape]

There's something odd in the phrasing between the people who agree vs disagree with OP here. Notice:

OP: if you do a bad/harmful thing, your victim doesn't need to forgive you, but you need to forgive yourself

Disagreer: if you do a bad/harmful thing, even if your victim forgives you, you should never forgive what you did

Do you [generic you] see? OP: forgive the transgressor. Disagreer: never forgive the transgression!

It's like the disagreer thinks they're saying the same thing ([do/don't] forgive transgressor), but they're stuck on forgiving *the transgression,* which OP did not mention or explicitly address as needing forgiveness. This is one of those things where I think people sometimes have difficulty separating the DOER from the DEED, where they equate "did X" with "X-doer." But the reality is anyone can do X, and having done X once doesn't mean you'll always do X, or that you were destined to do X, or even that you'll ever do X again.

Exemplia gratis: A person committed a crime and was sentenced for it. The word for crime-doer is criminal. Is this person (forever and always and immutably) a criminal? For one criminal act? For, shall we say, jaywalking?

Lemme give you my answer: no! A person is a person is a person, and a person can do good and bad and stupid and smart and helpful and hurtful and wonderful and terrible things--and none of the things they do prevents them from choosing to do something else good or bad or...etc. A "criminal" can be 99.9% law-abiding, and never commit any grave crimes. An absolute asshat murderer can still be a loving parent to a kid who thinks the world of them.

Doing one good deed doesn't erase a bad deed; it puts both deeds out there. No action cancels out or balances any other action; you just end up with a bunch of actions that change the world in various ways. Someone who does wrong needs to know they can still do good in order to do better, and that, shockingly, may require them to admit to themself they're not irredeamably evil, that they did a bad thing but they themself can move forward and not do that bad thing again. "Forgive yourself" does not equal "absolve yourself of all responsibility;" it means "stop wallowing in guilt and focus on actually doing better."

the thing is, if your younger self was a bigot or an abuser, u can't make people forgive you. but you still gotta forgive yourself, like that's non-negotiable, dude. that happens before u can even ask the question of earning forgiveness from anyone lese

[wonderwriters2024]

Deciding to have a child is like signing up for the longest, most unpredictable road trip of your life, buuut there's no GPS. Are you up for the ride?

---------

First word, first teeth, little steps. These moments might be insignificant to us, but for a mother? it is a fulfilling, magical moment we would never understand until we became one. Though, it may be portrayed as a beautiful journey filled with love, joy, and fulfillment, the reality can be quite different, as it comes with this profound responsibility and commitment along the journey. It's like getting a tattoo…on your face. You better be committed.

Yzza, a 3 years old girl is a blessing in disguise to her parents. Her mother, Ms. Yvonne told that after a tough time bringing their first baby boy into the world, Yzza decided to take the express route and zipped right into her mom’s belly! She's like "ohh, lemme show you brotha how to swim fast like an Olympic gold medalist swimmer".

"Dili nako gina pugos akong sarili na mahimong productive everyday".

With a 3 years old child around, it can feel like as soon as you clean up, there’s a new mess to deal with, making it feel like an endless cycle. Therefore, you really need to create strategies to manage your time and energy effectively.

For Ms. Yvonne, her strategy is when she breastfeed her child to sleep, she would also sleep. When her child's awake, she would do the chores and take care of her child. This makes her multi task chores because she has adequate energy she got from sleeping. Her husband also doesn't pressure her to be a "mom" who does everything in the house, he would also help her take care of their child when he has free time. In terms with her physical appearance, she's not even bothered or insecure with the way how she looks, as long as she's taking care of her children well, that makes her beautiful as a mom.

"Mentally tiring kaayu jud siya super! Ma mentally tired naman gani ta sa atong sarili lang samot na anang naa nakay mga anak gina huna huna".

Children in their early childhood development are naturally curious and want to understand how things work. They often ask questions, wanting to do things by themselves, or combine words into phrases. This acquire a lot of energy to mothers to stimulate the physical demands of keeping up with their toddler, this can lead to exhaustion not just in physical but also in cognitive aspect.

According to her, when her daughter ask questions she always answer it but when the questions are something like a 3 years old kid couldn't understand the answer, she would explains that it's not the right time for them to understand it or to know what is it about. Also, she added that they don't practice baby talking when communicating with their child so it normally encourages her children to use real words and develop better communication skills early on, rather than relying on simplified or altered versions of words.

As she's working now, balancing her duties as a mom and as an employee is really difficult. With all the responsibilities, continuous cognitive effort can be mentally exhausting. It is very important to take breaks and free your mind sometimes. There's nothing wrong about having a me time after a long exhausting week(It doesn't make you less as a mother). Whether you go for shopping or go to your favorite coffee shop to drink some coffee, as long as you're enjoying the things that you do and you give importance to your own happiness, it will give you balance in life that refrain you from thinking that you're trap with your responsibilities as a mother.

"Dili ko gina bawalan sakong partner makig bonding sakong friends, as long as madala nako ang bata and mabantayan nako ug tarong, walay problema".

The demands of caring for a child often mean less time for socializing because as a parents, you often find your focus has shifted towards family life. Some might find this a problem but for these couple, balancing parenting and friendships also means taking care of their selves, allowing their selves to have "me time" to relax, recharge, and enjoy with their friends nurtures their both social and family life.

According to her, when she was a teenager she's really an outgoing person so she promised her self that she would find a parter that won't forbid her to go out even when she already has a child. Luckily, she found one! Upon observing them for hours, we really noticed how kind her husband is. He even encouraged us to eat lunch with them (of course we want to join because hello? who would refuse adobong baboy paired with coke in lunch time? - _ - but we refuse cause missss, yo baby girls are shyyy).

Having a supportive husband who recognizes the importance of individuality and encourages you to enjoy life despite the demands of parenting, demonstrates a healthier family unit. This dynamic creates a more positive home environment for the child, which is very important for their development especially now that they can already understand and perceived the world around them. This highlights how important to find a husband that will view and prioritize your needs as an individual, a parter that let's you enjoy things that you already enjoy even before having a family.

Looking back to the first question on the top, I think it doesn't matter anymore if there's no GPS. What matters is choosing the right driver with you! Someone you can trust to drive safely and guide you through the twists and turns. Someone who makes your journey happy no matter how unpredictable the road ahead may be.

[talenlee]

Story Pile: Then There Were Five

I don’t know if you’ve noticed much, but I’ve been doing more reading this year. Not quite at the rate I wanted – but I’ve been sitting back and spending more time engaging with books. This isn’t because books are inherently different of a quality. Heck, I’d love to say it’s about a more varied media diet or something but really it’s just because last year I got into a trilogy of books and had my love reinvigorated for them. That’s why. Obviously. It’s not because I’ve watched so much anime this past year that I could just write non-stop articles about anime and turn the Story Pile into Anime Pile if I don’t put a limiter on myself and force focus to spread. That meant trying to pick up things that weren’t necessarily just you know, classic movies I hadn’t seen yet, or TV series that satisfied my brain worms.

Forced diversity and inclusion! Get a load of this woke ass blog.

Anyway, a long time ago, in the halcyon days of January I put the name of this book on the plan for this week. Months! Months to plan ahead, months to work on things, months to get around to read a children’s book I remembered reading as a kid. Surely I’d get around to it.

Well, I didn’t.

But lemme tell you what I remember of this book, and then, what I learned trying to find it again.

Then There Were Five is a book about four siblings, Rush, Mona, Randy (Miranda) and Oliver, aged somewhere in the mid teens to early tweens, in that order. The book Then There Were Five details not so much a story, not so much a narrative of the characters progressing over time as much as a sequence of events of these kids doing a variety of things over the course of three months of summer that can be summarised as ‘dicking around.’

This book feels like a collection of bedtime stories, each chapter something you can read to a kid before bed and give them a feeling of these people that they (hypothetically) like and can spend their time hanging around without any concern that something so unpleasant as a happening or event is going to transpire.

It’s not to say the stories are all disconnected. There’s a clear progression through the summer, as events pull their single hardworking Dad away on business and the time when their housekeeper is gone away and the kids have to demonstrate independence by doing things like making meals and cleaning the house on their own. There’s the bit, early in the story where they meet Mark, who’s living in a dilapidated place with his abusive single uncle, and then later in the story where that house burns down and Mark is left orphaned, before he’s adopted and becomes part of the family of our heroes. Then, notably, in a later story, Mark grapples with his feelings about losing an abusive parent figure, and how that sucks.

Then they do a show for the neighbours, and the seasons turn on. There’s not so much a grand finale as the story runs out, because summer runs out.

The cast of characters gives you a pretty solid selection of ways they can pair up. Rush, an older boy, and Mona, an older girl, can have Teenager Problems while Randy and Oliver search for bugs down by the crick. Mona and Oliver can spent their time with surrogate older sister momtype and youthful idiot, while Rush and Randy is cool older brother hanging with his tomboy little sister. It’s Randy and Rush going on scrap gathering expeditions that wound up meeting Mark first, and encountering the mailbox with the name Addison on the side.

Addison, good solid name Addison. Name for a Senator, that.

Still, it’s a book with phrases, with ideas, with tidbits and with the embarrassing fantasy of imagine if your family went away and you got adopted by another family you liked better. Oh, and also, Mona’s cooking included a lesson about how no matter how good you got or how comfortable you are you always had the chance that something could go wrong, and therefore it was worth keeping humble – lest you assume you were immune to producing, for example, a sullen batch of donuts.

These are little impressions on memory this book left on my mind, which is why it’s fun to think about the details that didn’t land in my memory. For example, I didn’t realise, for all that I read and reread this book as a kid, that this was happening during World War 2 in Upstate New York. I didn’t even parse that the context for this was a wealthy dad who was probably working for industry or the government on bonds or whatever. I still don’t know if Cuffy, the family’s housekeeper and live-in babysistter was white or not. I feel like her accent was probably ‘just southern,’ and that doesn’t mean she was necessarily a black woman hired by a wealthy man to be a surrogate parent and now, my inability to find the original text makes me uncertain about it.

Like…

It wouldn’t be a black woman born in the 1890s doing a lawdy lawdy accent, right?

Right?

Euagh.

Anyway, so why didn’t I just find the book? Couple of reasons, not the least obvious of which is that it just wasn’t available in any of my online libraries and who’s going to wait to get it. Google Books has it but I’m not planning on spending a tenner on a children’s book from the 1940s. No offense meant to the author, who’s a Ms Elizabeth Enright. There were people with reviews of the book, which also involved talking about the series that this book is part of. And that was pretty cool, to learn that I fell in love, as a child, with book three of four. It’s great! That meant that I could get the final book and learn about the next year in these kids’ lives, with Mark as a part of their life and how he integrated with the rest of the family, to change up all those dynamics, right?

Anyway, the next book, Mark and Rush have gone to boarding school and Mona is living with a family friend. It’s just about Randy and Oliver.

Trombone womps.

Finding out about this book is pretty tricky. It’s out there, in a sort of comprehensive if-it-has-an-ISBN-it-has-a-wikipedia-page way. The real traps on either side of it though are that on the one hand, And Then There Were None, the Agatha Christie story is obviously much more likely to show up on unreliable search engines. Thing is, there’s also another book called Then There Were Five.

It’s about a woman who’s a queen of a werewolf pack and there are five werewolves who want to do her.

Anyway, it was a fun learning experience, and in the process touching on my memory, I found things that I realised I hadn’t just collected from the air, things that linked specifically to this one book in my memory. Sobering to consider all the other things that might be in my head that I don’t remember putting there.

(Like, I’m still uncomfortable about Cuffy.)

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[sc0tters]

Feelings and Fears | Luke Hughes

summary: sometimes it’s better to hide your feelings, until it’s not.

pairing: luke hughes x fem!reader teammate

warnings: drinking, swearing, most scenes take place in the future.

word count: 3.51k

authors note: okay so this ended a lot cuter than I thought it would! there was a lot of writers brain rot in this so it’s not my favourite thing but I really hope it ended up better to read in the end. Feels like I haven’t written for him in FOREVER but it’s only been two months so… also this was a different style I wanted to dabble in so lemme know if it worked or not cause I’m really on the fence.

Have you ever felt like someone is meant to be your person?

Where the world suddenly made sense when you looked at that person? And like your heart was only ever meant to beat for them from that moment on?

That was how Luke felt about you, his perfect dream girl that he needed to have captured in his focus. Yet the only thing that made the desire that much harder to obtain, was the sheer condition of you hating Luke.

Yet that wasn’t always the case, in fact, you were excited that he had come onto the team as you were no longer the rookie on the squad.

September, 2023

Luke grinned as he saw you approach him “Hughesy!” You laughed holding onto Dawson as you ended up at the bar wanting a new drink “hey guys.” Luke had been nursing the same drink the entire night.

You placed your glass on the table “you keep her safe?” Dawson asked Luke as he nodded “yeah I’ve got her.” You were clearly drunk and Luke was never going to turn down getting to spend time with you alone.

Dawson gave your side a squeeze as he left you “happy birthday.” You mumbled realizing that you didn’t say that to him yet “thanks teddy.” It was a random nickname that he had come up with after the video came out of you in a giant teddy suit when you scared the boys.

What you didn’t notice as you looked for the bartender to usher him to make you a new drink was how Luke was looking at you. Sure you had always been pretty but tonight was the first time he had seen you all dressed up “you know you didn’t have to come tonight.” Luke also knew all about how Friday nights were your time watching shitty reality tv shows to fill your time with and you loved it.

But you pursed your lips together as you looked back at him, only now aware of how close he was to you “it’s your birthday, wouldn’t miss it for the world.” You weren’t going to mention that part of the reason why you were there was because Jack was paying for the bar.

His eyes sparkled and before he knew it he dropped his head down to be level with yours as he pressed his lips against yours “wait.” It seemed like your entire body sobered up in that moment as you pushed your hand against his chest.

Luke felt his heart drop as you pulled away “I’m so sorry.” He went to apologize after seeing that his ounce of confidence was stupid and that his guts desire to stay away should have reigned supreme.

But you shook your head “don’t worry about it.” Yet you were so worried about it as you worried that your teammates had seen it “I’m gonna go.” You added, leaving him with red cheeks and silent as he watched you go.

May, 2024

That was now months ago and the two of you hadn’t spoken since. And now it seemed that the world was trying to serve him the ultimate fuck you as you did everything in your power to avoid him.

At most uttering phrases of “move,” or sometimes just having to sent him a glare that left him sliding out of your way before anything could have even been said. It seemed that your relationship was one where you two were barely teammates at that point, the chemistry on the ice had diminished further dwindling whatever was left between you both. The other players picked up on it but as Luke begged them to stay out of it as he still drowned in the embarrassment of your rejection.

But now as it was Jack’s turn to play the role of birthday boy and that meant that you were then forced to be the one place you avoided, Lukes turf. By only being in places with him before that you knew first meant that you had the places to hide, the exits, everything you needed to hold onto for some kind of comfort was now gone after you hadn’t been there into Jacks apartment in over a year. And you stupidly thought that the night would go down with ease.

Yet as some girl found herself obnoxiously on his arm when you arrived, his eyes found yours as he sent you a soft smile as you seemed stuck where you were. Why was it that months on from muttering more than a sentence to him as you swore you could only hate him after he tried to make a move on you, but you were now almost thrown off guard when he was with another woman. You thought you had him written off, that he was a sealed page.

But you could feel the glue ripping at the pages when you watched her whisper something into his ear that made him laugh as he wrapped his hand around her waist “you good?” Nico snapped his fingers in front of your face as he stood with a drink for you.

Your cheeks quickly reddened as you assumed you had been caught “just perfect cap.” You nodded as you pulled the bottle from his hand and quickly took a large sip from it.

In all the time he had known you, not once had he ever seen you flustered “so are you just getting hot stood watching Luke and Daisy?” His tease made her roll her eyes as she flipped him off.

The captain patted her shoulder “you might want to stop staring then.” He trailed off before he left you.

You hated how he was right but you couldn’t shake the weird feeling in your stomach. It had your feet glued to the ground and you felt sick watching the moment between the duo as Luke kissed her head, yet your eyes refused to go anywhere else.

December, 2025

The next year had you instead distancing yourself from Luke for that feeling. You knew it was stupid but after your return to the garden state, you swore you were going back to disliking him for what he had done. Life would have been so much more straight forward if that was the reason why you disliked him.

Yet the moment you two realized your lockers were next to each other, the pit came right back into your stomach. Luckily now you were no longer watching Daisy appear at every event which made you think that maybe you could get through the season quietly.

Yet all of that seemed to come to a halt when the universe decided that it wasn’t good enough for them. You and Luke ended up injured at the same time with his being his collarbone and yours being your ankle.

Your heart was broken after going from the prime of your career and being on par to almost double the last seasons points, to now wondering if you were even going to make it back in time before the end of the season “can I get another?” You called out to the bartender as the news felt like it was best to respond with drowning your feelings in booze.

That’s how you ended up on your fifth brandy and coke in the hour “you got a way to go home?” The other older boy flashed you a look of concern as you turned your phone over “yeah I got her Joey.” The voice sent a shiver down your spine as you looked up.

It was the first time you had seen Daisy in months, she was looking great with her shorter hair and darker hair color that enhanced her features “can I sit?” Her voice was softer as she flashed you a smile.

All you could do was nod as you wondered why she was talking to you “was sorry to hear about it.” She pointed to your cast as she sat down “yeah it was pretty shitty.” You sipped at your drink hoping that it would bring her silence.

But instead she tucked her hair behind her ear “I actually thought that it would finally make something happen between you and Luke.” The words came as your blood turned cold slowly setting your drink down as you tried to keep your cards close to your chest “Luke always tried to deny it but I know he’s in love with you.” She continued on unaware of how you raised your eyebrows.

Daisy was able to speak freely as nobody else was there on the Tuesday night now that her friends had gone home “at first it was something I thought I could ignore but then I saw how you looked at him at Jacks party and knew I might have been his but he wasn’t mine.” Her defeated voice made you grow sorry for her “nothing ever happened-” you tried to push potential cheating concerns away but she raised her hand to stop you.

Her eyes went to the door as someone came into the bar “maybe it’s time you let something then?” She offered as she squeezed your hand before she got up.

You stared at your drink wondering what she meant because she left before you had the chance to ask “you know you’re gonna regret this tomorrow teddy.” Luke sighed as he took his exes seat.

Life felt as if it was getting worse as his eyes burnt your skin “look I can get myself home.” You went to grab your keys but he was all that much quicker than you “you even hop in the drivers seat and Nico would have my head.” The youngest Hughes boy shook his head as he noticed the red Pom Pom that was on your keychain.

Silence gushed over you both as you stared at the table “please just let me drive you home so I know that you’re okay.” Luke’s voice oozed this sense of desperation as his thigh pressed against yours “lemme finish my drink.” One drink became two before it became three as you were delaying the inevitable.

Luke was grateful he had brought his own car as he had no clue where you had parked yours “just sit up f’me okay?” He asked as he helped you into the passenger seat “you’re pretty.” You mumbled as his curls dropped into his face when his hands brushed over your stomach with the seatbelt.

The words made him smile “you are pissed.” He softly laughed to himself as he shook his head trying his hardest to not let your words make him feel like a nervous teen boy “but not wrong.” You shot back as he shut your door quickly making his way to the drivers side.

You couldn’t help but stare at him, taking in the side profile that you spent so many nights thinking about even if you were meant to avoid it “got something on your mind teddy?” Luke didn’t take his eyes off of the road as the red light from the stop illuminated his face.

Your body leaned against the center console as you licked your lips “you are mean.” You confessed making him raise his eyebrows “how so?” Maybe it was wrong to entertain your drunk ideas, as you were more than likely to not remember them in the morning, yet with this being your first proper conversation with him in months he wasn’t going to let it slip through his fingers.

The gentle hum of the cars engine soothed your mind “it would be so much easier to avoid you if you weren’t so nice.” It was true, every time you snapped you always felt that one part of you feel guilty for letting the words hit the boy “could mean I wouldn’t like you either too.” The second part came out as barely a whisper but still it was almost enough for Luke to crash his car.

His eyes widened as he swore he must have misheard you, but when the hoot came from the car behind he knew this was no dream “let’s talk about it in the morning.” Luke shook his head as he used every fibre of his being to push his feelings for you down.

He got with Daisy to forget you and that never worked as the boy would constantly dream of it being you that he would wake up next to this isn’t my apartment.” You furrowed your brows as you turned your attention to see his apartment building “figured it would be a whole lot easier getting you to sleep in here.” He explained as the team was on a roadie and that meant that Jack wasn’t home.

Part of him was surprised to not hear your complaints or any type of argument so he turned to just see you fiddling with your bracelet, he hated seeing you be quiet but fearing that he would ruin the moment of rebuilding a friendship he kept his mouth shut. It was so much easier to do that even as he helped you up the stairs and eventually sat you on his bed “you okay with these for bed?” He asked as he handed you a devils training tee and most shockingly a pair of your black gym shorts you swore you lost.

Luke sensed your surprise as your fingers ran over the label that you had signed “realized that you left them here and then never found the time to give it back.” He explained as you had complained once after a party at the Hughes apartment when John spilt his drink onto your lap ruining your white jeans. After that you always had a pair of shorts that lived in Lukes closet “god I was a bitch.” You brought your hands to cup your face as you groaned letting the good memories between you come flooding back into your brain.

He was quick to crouch down and pull your hands away from your face “we will talk in the morning once you’ve gotten some sleep.” He held his pinkie up to you as he nodded “okay.” You mumbled locking your finger with his before you watched him turn to the door.

Your hand tugged through your hair “where are you going?” You tried to not sound too concerned but he smiled hearing right through it “to sleep on the couch.” Luke spoke in a duh tone, surprised when he watched you push yourself to your feet and almost fell forward with the momentum.

For the second time in the night you were left grateful for his reaction times as he held his hand out to catch you “either we are both on that couch or you are in your bed.” It seemed to be the most sober line you had said the entire night as he could see that you were deadly serious.

Luke felt like he was left at a cross roads when he sighed “you promise not to kick me in your sleep?” He asked as you smiled “only if you promise the same.” You nodded taking it as a victory.

Slumber consumed you quickly as your head hit the pillow and you were gone but Luke struggled to get sleep most of the night, scared he’d wake up and you’d be gone letting it all go back to how it once was. Eventually he did fall asleep and when he woke up you were indeed gone. The side of your bed was cold even as the scent of your perfume was still in the sheets “god you would think that your brother would own a less complicated coffee machine.” You scoffed to yourself walking back into the room with a coffee for you and a tea for him.

Luke’s messy hair made you smile as his eyes took in the sight of you, once to make sure it was actually you stood there, and a second time to notice that his shirt looked massive on you “morning sunshine.” You teased as you handed him the drink before you took your seat next to him as you handed him his mug.

The gesture seemed to screw with Lukes mind and he was so desperate to know what was going on in your mind before he misinterpreted anything “when you said you liked me.” He began as he stared at the murky liquid “did you meant it?” He trailed off when he looked to you for an answer.

It made your throat grow tight setting the mug on the table next to you “yeah.” You nodded as Luke couldn’t help but scoff ‘then why’d you pull away!” He may have not gotten over that incident in the bar as much as he thought he had.

You picked at your nails as you tired to find the right words to tell him how you were feeling “because I’m a woman in the NHL Luke.” You sighed letting your eyes drop to the cast on your foot “fans already think I slept with someone to get onto this team.” He had seen the hate that was sent your way more than once assuming that you had slept your way into the league, especially going as a first round pick in your respective class.

He chewed at the inside of his cheek “and you come from a family of three great NHL talents.” You turned to see him staring right at you “it would be a sprinkle on your career but could ruin mine.” You continued on seeing him remain silent.

Luke ran his fingers over his face “so I thought it was easier to act like I hated you because I could get over it.” You sucked at your teeth and you nodded “but then Daisy came into the picture and I realized I didn’t just think you were attractive but actually thought about you romantically too.” At this point you were silently begging for him to shut you up and take over the conversation so that you could go quiet “I am gonna go.” You announced almost dragging yourself out of the bed.

That seemed to do the trick when he placed his hand on top of yours stopping you where you were “I want you more than this career.” He blurted out making your cheeks go red as he shifted closer to you “Luke you have your whole career ahead of you.” You shook your head knowing that he was just saying what you wanted to hear.

But when he sat up straight his eyes looked darker than you had seen them before “and I would go retire right now if it meant I could have all of you.” Luke’s voice was flat as his thumb ran over your lip “if we do this the world can’t know.” You weren’t being rude but you knew it was what would be best for both of your careers.

He nodded softly “it’ll be our little secret.” His voice was soft as he let his lips graze over yours when he slowly opted to test the waters. As you didn’t pull away the Hughes boy smiled letting his hands grip at your waist bringing you back onto the bed.

February, 2030

Luckily for you both, you were able to keep your NHL careers as you were traded to the Islanders a few months after you started dating and Luke ended up at one of your playoff games as the devils had been eliminated in your jersey. Of course it was the one from your time with the red team but your number had stayed the same and it meant he got to proudly have your name etched onto his back “Teddy wait for me!” You groaned as you pulled your duffel bag from your car.

Your three year old was too excited to care though “I wanna see daddy!” She cheered as she clutched the Canucks teddy that she had gotten when she accompanied you on the west coast road trip as he was on a road trip of his own “I know but remember he might be sleeping.” Your words brought a scoff.

Luke had been waiting at the door to the elevators the moment he realized you were close “and miss the chance of seeing my favorite girls?” Luke’s tone was almost amused as he flashed you a grin “daddy!” Teddy ran to him when he crouched down opening his arms to pull his daughter into a hug after he hadn’t seen her in a week.

Her excited squeals brought a smile to your lips as Luke smothered her face with kisses “now don’t think I forgot about you too.” Luke saw that you were still in the same place that you had been in before “then I think you should come over here and show me that, Mr Hughes.” You teased making your daughter smile as she saw Lukes eyes slightly sharpen.

“Well you of all people should know how I handle a challenge Mrs Hughes.”

[chirpsloth]

its been like 17 minutes since i told myself id do homework i need to do it but i just spent all that time reading through all my tumblr post...

god i hate myself

not bc of the homework thing ill get it done but because of just reading the posts

not really i dont think

i just hate myself

but not actually

just a little

maybe i feel bad for myself...

no self pity is lame

god do i hate myself?

when i read the posts i know edxactly what ii was refering to at the time... but i dont think i make my psots easy to decipher all the time

like when i saw the posts that said "im so nervous" and "nervous nancy" followed by the psot a few hours later saying wtf why do i actully have rizz" and then "wtf is wrong with me" im like: oh my god!! i know why i was posting that at the time!! like wowowowow thats how i was feeling thats wild!

i really do feel for myself.. why am i this way???? everyone probably pities themself sometimes.

idk i didnt deserve that... and i shouldnt do that.. wouldnt trade it for anything though. i wont stop though

im not evil im just human

im just learning

im scared for when i reach the age where i cant say that anymore...

is everything gonna be okay?

everything IS okay. i get GREAT grades, i have a good home life, i have 2 close friends, i get to walk and listen to music all the time...

i think that part of it is jealousy but theres always a wishing to get worse you know?

i don't think i'll ever be fejwlfjew but i think thats okay... im happy. i think. edcept for when i think about things too much

i pity myself

i guess i pray to the future me. you know? i wonder if i typed all my old posts knowing that the future me would read them and be like a therapist from another time...telling msyelf not to worry. i think i just did it because i need to say things and i dont have anyone that i call spew all my dumb stuff to without annoying them or making them think im mentally ill which i am not.

plus i need a place to be self centered. i guess this is that... some place hwere i only talk about me. im okay with no one listening irl because i dont want to portray myself as insane. there are some things that can only be written too. i wouldnt want to talk to my therapist about a lot of things because i dont want him thinking im insane. i know thats a therapists job but im saying like theres stuff that i really shouldnt say.. scared maybe. i wanna educate myself on law or soemhitng so i know what my therapist can tell my mother or can get me admitted for.

do i even want help? i seriously dont think so. the better i get the worse i want to get. right now im in a good middle ground. im happy, i dont cause conflict in the house too much, im not exhausting myself, i get things done, life is pretty okay. sometimes i will participate in some efwljfkwel activities though. maybe thats just my way to cope. its not harming anyone,, and i really dont believe its harming the present me too much.

maybe itll harm the future me like how my past decisions currently hurt me. not out of regret but out of pity. it just hurts that i did that... you know?

i really should do my homework but i have time (Not really)

im thinking of doing the bare minimum rn and waking up extra early to finish everytihng up. probably what i wanna do.

i know its only been a week of school since the weekend (weird way to phrase it??) but i need a break. im fine with school its not tiring or anything but god i need a break from life. not like life life but i mean hanging out with people, having things i need to do, etc. i need a week where im all alone. i love my friends but god i need alone time. i always feel so guilty when i dont hang out with them though because i dont wanna be lonely or lose friendships so i find myself hanging out with my friends mainly to "maintain friendships". i love them so much but please i need time.

this post is making me sound so mentally unwell but im doing so fine i promise (who am i promising?)

god

why is my heart rate so fast

lemme count it rq

okay its actually pretty normal its 80-ish bpm but it feels fast

i feel so shaky

i wonder if its the sugar i had earlier... i know some foods or larger amounts of fodos always make my heart feel fast and make me shaky but i havent really discovered what foods those are.

im always so nervous posting on here because what if i say something that makes this all tracable to me. i dont wanna lose opportunities beause of some dumb tumblr posts.

i know i should use like my journal or something but its comforting knowing that this can be viewed by someone for some reason. i mean id be mortified if someone told me they read all my posts but idk. maybe also its nice because i can always lose a physical notebook or lose the passord to my google docs but tumblr is public and i can always look at this tomfoolery from another account. plus this feels less formal. in my actual physical journal im very messy and i get sucked in when i write but its so messy its unreadable, it cramps my hand, and sometimes feels inconvenient. on my actual online journal i established it as something more formal... for life and mental updates for myself. im scared

i dont know why but im so scared

im so so so scared

god why did i just feel like i was about to cry

i want to curl up and cry so loudly in my moms lap while she tells me its okay but i cant i cant i cant. if i did she would think im mentally unwell which im not and id be such an inconvience to her.

last time i cried in her arms she told me that i gotta "say everything" to my therapist and that he can help me. help me with what?? she said that i deserve someone good that can help me? i told her that im normal.. she told me that she didnt want a normal daughter she wanted a happy daughter. i am happy. i just repeated that im normal because i know she sees me as different in some way. i see her as different in soem way too. i think i'd see my sister different than everyone else if i didn't judge her so much. i feel so insensitive but i always invalidate my sisters issues/struggles because i feel like i had it worse and that she has it so well. i konw its so bad and i need to remind myself that... she is a human being, she will struggle, and i should be happy that what i was so used to makes her suffer... im glad she's not used to badness like i was. that makes me sound so emo but you know. i just invalidate her so much.

anways. i think that seeing someone so closely..knowing them almost better than you know yourself will make you see them as less normal. or something. i dont know. i know my mom sees me as different. i doubt she sees my sister as so different than society. maybe its because im socially a little odd. she thinks i try to push people away/unsettle them. i dont. im just awkward around a lot of people. i like telling myself that im not everyones cup of tea. maybe thats just a way to excuse my social stupidity. my best freind always asks me how can i find myself socially stupid if im friends with like everyone. maybe shes right, but i dont think os. im not friends with anyone. weve just been conditioned to be nice to everyone and people are nice to me. yes people trust me, yes i have inside jokes/ get alogn with a lot of people... but do you seriously think i hang out with them outside of school? we use the word freind too loosely. if i never text someone, we only talk in school, and never hang out outside of school... no matter how much we know about each other, no matter if we've seen each other cry, no matter how long we've been "friends," we are NOT friends and thats okay. i try to be agreeable. people think im funny at least.

i need my mom to hug me and let me cry into her arms but i dont want her judging me or worrying about me i just need my mom. god im about to cry. why do i make myself feel this way? this was just supposed to be a post about not doing my homework.. now im writing like a multiparagraph essay. i need to say things. i guess i need to organize my thoughts. speak to the void.

you know i think i write in this because i know that future me will read it... emaning that future me will be alive. meanign that i'll be alive in the future. meaning that everything will be okay. if future me is alive, it means she overcame things, and shes now smarter, and as she's reading these paragraphs, she remembers how she used to feel, and pities her old self once again. and then maybe writes more to the future future me. and the cycle continues. until im dead i guess. maybe someone else.. a child? will work as a future future future x1000 me.. i doubt it. i dont think someone will ever care about me as a person so much as to read everyting ive thought. im currently pretty much just writing my thougts. nothing is organized. im just rambling. i would film a video but i dont have space in my camera roll, and even if i did, i would never want a video of myself saying stuff. some things are better kept written. anwyays. hello future me. and the future me after that. etc. i wonder if im laughing at this in the future. probably... in some time in the future. i bet ill laugh while also pitying my current self. self pity is so lame.

speaking of children. honestly.

door is opening. my moms home. ive been writing for like an hour. homework for tomorrow i guess. ill maintain a convorsation with her while i write. actually maybe ill close my laptop and return to this later. i mean i could use the excuse that this is homework...

[luvsjimmyreed]

Jimmy Reed: Texting Drama Over A Mother's Neglect 2

Cynthia: Latasha! What time are you coming home tonight? Wanna go out? I found this amazing Italian restaurant the other day!

Latasha: Oh, sorry! I got work tonight! Why don't you ask Carmen, instead?

Cynthia: Oh, okay! Maybe some other time, then!

Latasha: You can go without me! It's okay, really! I'll join you guys, next time!

Cynthia: No... I wanna go there with you, Latasha! Not Carmen...

Latasha: Uh, okay, but... What's wrong with Carmen? She's gonna be busy next year with entrance exams, so... you should spend time with her while you can...

Cynthia: Oh, Latasha, don't worry about that! The thing is... I don't really wanna spend time with her. She's ugly, you know? I don't wanna be seen with her!

Latasha: What? Mom... How can you say that about your own daughter? You better not be saying things like that to her... she's just a kid...

Cynthia: I know... I know... Don't worry about that... But I'm just being honest, you know? You're the good-looking one in the family! Hey, I know! Wanna go shopping on Saturday? Let's go get you some nice clothes!

Latasha: Uh, okay... I think I'm free on Saturday...

Cynthia: Great! Can't wait!

Latasha: Can I invite Carmen?

Cynthia: Huh? No way!

Latasha: Why not?

Cynthia: She's dumb as a rock! She's not smart like you! She has to study! Forget her. It'll be just the two of us! Your shift is starting soon, right? Lemme know when you're done! I'll come pick you up!

*about an hour later*

Latasha: Dad? You got a minute?

Jimmy Reed: Hey, sweetheart! Aren't you at work, right now?

Latasha: Yeah, but... my shift got moved behind. I'm eating dinner, right now.

Jimmy Reed: Oh, okay. What's up, honey?

Latasha: It's about Mom!

Jimmy Reed: What about her?

Latasha: The way she treats Carmen... We gotta do something about that. She's being really mean to her, I think. I have a bad feeling about this...

Jimmy Reed: Really?

Latasha: Yeah, you don't think so? I know you're always busy with work and stuff, but...

Jimmy Reed: Well... Maybe you've got a point, but... I'm sure she loves you both very much. She might just be a bit under stress, lately. We all have those days, you know. I wouldn't worry about it so much, honey.

Latasha: You sure?

Jimmy Reed: Yeah. Hey, listen, I gotta go. The meeting is about to start.

Latasha: Oh, okay, sorry.

Jimmy Reed: No need to apologize, sweetie. I'll be home around eight or so. I'll probably be there when you get home. Want me to pick you up?

Latasha: It's okay. Mom's coming to pick me up.

Jimmy Reed: Oh, okay. Say, how about if I take Carmen out for some ice cream tonight?

Latasha: That would be awesome if you can, Dad. Just the two of you. That might cheer her up a little.

Jimmy Reed: Absolutely! Anything for my two precious dumplings!

*a few days later*

Latasha: Mom?! Where are you?!

Cynthia: What do you mean? I'm shopping! Wanna join me?

Latasha: What?! What's wrong with you? It's Parent's Day! You're supposed to be with Carmen!

Cynthia: Oh, that... Don't worry about it...

Latasha: Huh? What do you mean?

Cynthia: I said it's fine, okay? It's not mandatory or anything. It's fine!

Latasha: But... She's expecting you, isn't she?

Cynthia: Oh, no worries! I told her I couldn't make it... And it's kinda embarrassing, you know? Carmen's grades are terrible! If I go there, she'll probably just embarrass me.

Latasha: What? But... she gets better grades than me! And remember last year? The teacher asked me to answer a question, but I got it wrong!

Cynthia: Huh? Last year? Oh, that... That wasn't your fault, dear... the teacher should've phrased the question better. It wasn't your fault. Hey, your school trip is in a few days! Want me to buy you some new clothes?

Latasha: No... Listen. Mom, you gotta stop playing favourites! Carmen avoids me, you know that? It's your fault! She resents that you love me more than you love her! She even cried to Dad about that, the other day. You know, Dad's contemplating cutting back on his work - so that he can spend more time with Carmen. Show her the love and affection that you've been denying her lately! And I wanna be friends with Carmen. She's my little sister...

Cynthia: Latasha! I'm sorry, dear! I'll be careful from now on!

Latasha: I don't think it's ME you should be apologizing to, Mom! You should be apologizing to CARMEN! She's the one who's being wronged here!

Cynthia: Oh, is that so? Well, in that case, I'll try to spend more time with her - okay?

Latasha: You mean it?

Cynthia: Yeah... I know, maybe I'll take her to Sacramento or something. School can wait...

Latasha: Sacramento? Oh, you mean Grandma's house? Sounds fun!

Cynthia: Yeah... I'm sure we'll have lots of fun! Don't worry, okay? Enjoy your school trip!

Latasha: Okay! Sounds good. Thanks, Mom!

*School Trip*

Latasha: *missed call*

Jimmy Reed: Sorry I missed your call, honey. What's up?

Latasha: Dad! Where are you?

Jimmy Reed: Uh, at work... I'm eating lunch. Is everything okay?

Latasha: Dad! You gotta help Carmen!

Jimmy Reed: Huh? What happened?

Latasha: She's in Sacramento... All by herself!

Jimmy Reed: What? Uh, what is she doing there?!

Latasha: Mom took here there, yesterday! They were going to Grandma's house! But Grandma wasn't home for some reason. So Mom told Carmen to wait at the station.

Jimmy Reed: Your grandma wasn't home?

Latasha: No! The house was empty! Carmen's all alone! She called me from a payphone! She said she slept in a park last night! She hasn't eaten since yesterday morning!

Jimmy Reed: Good heavens! You're not kidding about any of this, right?

Latasha: I tried to tell her to go to the police or something, but... the line got disconnected. I can't call her back because it's a payphone... I couldn't alert Grandma, since she's not up-to-date on the technology... I dunno what to do!

Jimmy Reed: Okay, honey, I can't believe what I'm hearing... but I'll go pick her up right now. It was very careless for your mom to leave her alone in such a big city! I'm livid, right now!

Latasha: I'm sorry! I didn't wanna bother you at work, but...

Jimmy Reed: No need to apologize, honey. You did the right thing in telling me! So everything you said about your mom and her treatment of Carmen... God, I feel so bad that I didn't take it more seriously. Anyway, everything will be all right. Try not to worry...

Latasha: Thanks, Dad! You might not be perfect, but you are MUCH better than Mom! So, please, don't tell her... I don't trust her, anymore.

Jimmy Reed: I promise, honey. I don't trust her, myself.

Latasha: I'm gonna talk to my teacher about this. I'll talk to you, later.

Jimmy Reed: Sure thing! You take it easy, sweetheart!

*That Evening*

Cynthia: Latasha! How's the school trip? I'm out drinking with my old friends!

Latasha: Glad you're having fun! How's Carmen?

Cynthia: She's still at Grandma's. She told me she didn't wanna go home, lol! Maybe she'll move in with her! Haha! She might never come back, lol!

Latasha: Really? Carmen said that?

Cynthia: Yeah! I was pretty surprised too, lol!

Latasha: You're unbelievable, Mom! Carmen, she's right next to me! She's fast asleep. Dad and I found her!

Cynthia: What?

Latasha: We found her at a train station in Sacramento! She was there all by herself! You realize that?!

Cynthia: What? Wait, what are you talking about?

Latasha: Stop playing dumb with me! She almost had a heat stroke! Why did you leave her there?!

Cynthia: Wait! What about your school trip?

Latasha: What do you think?! I left early! My teacher drove me here! Dad came, too - even though he had work!

Cynthia: What? Why though, lol? Just leave her there! Grandma will be back soon, anyways! You two worry too much!

Latasha: What? Grandma, she's on vacation. She won't be back for two days. You know how she feels about the latest technology, so we had no way to contact her. Her neighbours told us where she went, though. Anyway, Carmen could've been seriously hurt! You realize that?!

Cynthia: Aren't you overreacting, a bit? Just come home, okay? We can talk about this.

Latasha: Huh? We're never going back!

Cynthia: What?!

Latasha: I know why you're like this to Carmen... I know everything! I'll never forgive you, Mom! I'm gonna take care of Carmen, from now on!

Cynthia: What?! You got this all wrong...

Latasha: You're dead to me! Go to hell, Mom!

Cynthia: What?! Latasha! *missed call* Latasha! Pick up!

*A Few Minutes Later*

Cynthia: Hey! Where are you?! Are you with Latasha?

Jimmy Reed: Yeah...

Cynthia: Can you talk to her for me? Tell her this is all a misunderstanding!

Jimmy Reed: Yeah, I don't think so! I should've known better! You're a terrible person, Cynthia! You done crossed a line! Multitudes of lines, in fact!

Cynthia: What? What are you saying? Why do you guys care about Carmen, anyway? She's dumb and ugly! We already got Latasha! Forget about Carmen! That's why I took her to Sacramento!

Jimmy Reed: What the bloody hell is wrong with you, Cynthia? She's your daughter, for God's sake! You're unbelievable! I can't believe that you're the woman that I chose to marry!

Cynthia: What? So this is my fault, now? Listen up. I'm the one that gave birth to them. I'm their mother! Their job is to make me proud! It's the least they can do! But Carmen...

Jimmy Reed: You've said enough! Stop talking! As a mother, you're supposed to love and support your children! Not treat them as if they were disposable property!

Cynthia: But think about it! What if Carmen was never born? That would've been so much better! Listen, let's just leave Carmen in Sacramento. What do you think?

Jimmy Reed: You disgust me! That is no way for a mother to regard her own daughter! No wonder she's been crying to me, so much! And to think that I've been giving her false reassurance about you loving her! Because I didn't want to think that my wife could feel differently about our own daughter!

Cynthia: Huh?

Jimmy Reed: All you care about is looks! So much so that you had the audacity to abandon our daughter alone in a big city... just because you think she doesn't look pretty! Not that our children are even under any obligation to make us proud - but, seeing as how that's so important to you, I have news for you! Carmen passed the Global Mathematics Certification.

Cynthia: Wait.. What?!

Jimmy Reed: Last week's parents' day... Latasha was there. They announced it in front of the whole class.

Cynthia: Seriously? I had no idea!

Jimmy Reed: The teacher said she was a genius. She said that she might win the Nobel prize someday.

Cynthia: Nobel prize?! That's amazing! I had no idea Carmen was so talented! When are you guys coming home?! We gotta celebrate!

Jimmy Reed: You're joking me, right? You were hellbent on writing off Carmen because you thought she wasn't pretty enough, you didn't even bother to pay any attention to her! What kind of a mother are you?! In fact, she was hoping that maybe... just maybe... you would one day show her the same love and affection that you show Latasha. That's why she wanted you to be there, in fact. She was trying to EARN your love. She was hoping that you would REWARD her by loving her. No kid should have to feel like they need to earn their parent's love, Cynthia! But you don't even care! You're deplorable!

Cynthia: Of course I care! And look whose talking! You're the one that's always working!

Jimmy Reed: Well, I will contend that I haven't been the epitome of an attentive parent. However, I also recognized the error of my ways - and I apologized to them with sincerity. From this day forward, I will work hard to make amends for having been a workaholic. As soon as Latasha expressed her concerns with me about your treatment of Carmen, I knew how much both of my girls meant to me. That's why I took Carmen out for ice cream, that night. To show her that she has at least one loving parent!

Cynthia: Fine, then! I'll apologize, too! Just come home already! How long are you guys gonna stay there?

Jimmy Reed: We're not coming home!

Cynthia: Huh?!

Jimmy Reed: I want a divorce! I'll send the papers over, tomorrow. It's over! What you did to Carmen is inexcusable and unforgivable! I might've made mistakes as a parent by putting too much focus into my job - but abandoning Carmen in Sacramento was no mistake! Apples and oranges.

Cynthia: What?! You can't do that! Go to hell! I'll never sign them!

Jimmy Reed: Fine, then! I guess we'll see you in court! I also plan to charge you with child abandonment and child endangerment!

Cynthia: Why? They're my daughters! I can do what I want with them! You can't take them away from me!

Jimmy Reed: Ugh! Listen, Cynthia! You abandoned Carmen. You left her in the streets all be herself! You're never seeing them, again! Deal with it! The last thing I want to happen is for you to abandon Carmen in Canada, next! Or Russia! I'm gonna take care of them from now on!

Cynthia: No! Wait! Hold on! You're not taking them away from me! They're my daughters! They'll never leave me like this!

Jimmy Reed: If you wanna talk to them yourself, fine - but... I think their minds are made up...

*Afterwards*

Latasha: She actually came to talk to us, after that. Did she really think we'd choose her over Dad? She wanted to take us on a vacation to "make it up" to us. Needless to say, we refused. She already bought tickets, so she asked her friends to go with her - but, they all said no with her. Anyways, when we told her that we never wanted to see her again... she flipped out. She started screaming like a lunatic. But then the neighbours called the cops on her. She ended up getting arrested. I guess she got what she deserved, lol. She's still trying to fight the divorce, but it wasn't looking good for her. It appears that she'll also have to pay us some compensation money for what did to Carmen. When Grandma returned from her vacation, we explained to her what had happened - and she was horrified! She ended up disowning Mom for that - and she let Dad, Carmen, and me stay with her for awhile. As we said before, she might be a bit old-fashioned - but her home and yard is very cozy and charming. She wonders where she went wrong as a parent and a person with raising Mom, but we all tell her not to be so hard on herself. Eventually, though, we plan to move out into a new house close to Grandma - so that we can continue to visit her regularly. It's a very exciting opportunity for us. I'm just glad Mom's out of our lives, now. Carmen finally made peace with knowing that Mom will never love her - but she doesn't want love from such a deplorable person, anyway! Neither do I! Time to move on!